#ok no killing myself my spouse said no.

[hampterguts]

forever amazed and confused at how often transformers franchise just straight up depicts suicide attempts. like not even considering the superhero trope of "i have to save everyone!!! by choosing to die!!!!!" thing. like. non-allow-yourself-to-die-to-stop-a-thing-from-killing-everyone-immediately type situations. which tbh i wish more ppl talked about but not the point here

like. sure mtmte, a comic abt mentall illness and war, i expected it to be aware of the concept. but its not handled well and mostly used for shock value or "im better now i swear! i have a husband and everything" BUT ITS IN THE KIDS SHOWS TOO??? MY BESTIE G1 RODIMUS?? BEAST WARS DINOBOT???

[apocalypseornaw]

Look after You

Dean Winchester x Gender neutral Reader

You're hurt in a car accident and Dean takes care of you.

@hpxmcusworld I hope you enjoy

Dean was pacing the floor of the library, staring at his phone and silently begging it to ring. You should've been back by now. Why hadn't he gone with you?

"Still no word?” Sam asked, walking in behind him and he nearly growled “No. Man, can you track their phone,please?” Sam felt his heart drop at Dean's voice. He knew his brother loved you, he had for years and the thought of losing you terrified him. If after all the loss something happened to you Sam wasn't sure Dean would survive it.

Right as Sam got his laptop on, Dean's phone started blaring. Dean answered it and a voice he didn't recognize hit his ears “Is this Mister Dean Campbell?” He swallowed hard before saying “Yes” “We have your spouse here. They were brought in from an automobile accident”

“WHAT?” Dean felt his heart threaten to stop at that moment. His ears started ringing and his knees weakened. Sam moved to his side and took the phone, clicking the speaker on “Hello?” “Mister Campbell?” The doctor asked and Sam replied “This is his brother” “Oh well I was telling your brother we have his spouse in the emergency department. They were injured in an automobile accident. A drunk driver ran a stop sign and hit their car. They're stable but currently in for a CT scan. We need their emergency contact here as soon as possible” “We'll get there as soon as we can” 

Your head was throbbing, the bright fluorescent lights were killing you. What was worse was according to the doctors you'd lost a few weeks. The last thing you remembered was Christmas and apparently it was St Patrick's Day weekend.

You were terrified and alone. The doctor had told you he called Dean but he hadn't arrived yet. You knew he'd be to your side soon though.

—-----------

The moment you were wheeled out of the room for the scan however you heard Dean's voice loud and clear “Where are they at? You called me and told me they're hurt, then I got here and what? You fucking lost them?”

You laughed lightly and the nurse smiled “That him?” You grinned “Yes ma'am” already feeling better knowing Dean was here. He'd take care of you.

You sat on your bed with Dean's arm wrapped protectively around you. He hadn't moved since he got to your side. As always Sam was being the more diplomatic one, handling paperwork and talking to doctors. “I should go find the asshole that hit you and rip his lungs out” he grumbled and you smiled, curling into his side “They said I'll be ok Dean. It's just a concussion and should heal on its own” he nodded “Doesn't mean I'm not still pissed someone hurt you. I'm pissed at them and at myself. I never should've let you go alone”

You sighed knowing this was an argument you'd lose. Of course Dean was blaming himself instead of the person who chose to drink way too much and get behind the wheel. 

After about an hour Sam came in pushing a wheelchair “Good news. Your awesome brother in law talked the doctor into letting you go home. We have a list of aftercare precautions but given our history with injuries I'm sure we can handle it” you cut your eyes at Dean who sighed “about time. I want to get you back to the bunker”

“I can walk!” You squealed when Dean picked you up out of the backseat and headed out of the garage and towards your shared room. He nodded “I know but I'm not taking no chances of hurting you further. Cas will be here in two days to heal you. Until then you're not getting out of my sight”

Once you made it to the room he sat you gently down on the bed then dug in the dresser pulling out one of his own shirts and a pair of his boxers. At your look he rolled his eyes “Don't act like you don't enjoy wearing my clothes more than yours anyways” He did have a point.

He treated you like you were made of glass as he stripped you of the scrubs the hospital had given you and dressed you in his clothes. Once he was sure you were comfortable he kicked off his boots and crawled into bed next to you, pulling you over on his chest “You need anything baby?”

You shook your head “I remember Christmas. Can you catch me up?” He smiled before catching your lips in a gentle kiss “Of course”

—---------------

Before you fell asleep Dean sat multiple alarms to wake you up at the needed intervals. Once you were out he laid there, watching your chest rise and fall gently. He needed the assurance you were ok. 

He loved you more than he'd ever dreamt of loving someone. When he met you he was knocked off his feet by how much he wanted you the moment he laid eyes on you but then he got to know you. Every conversation, every hunt, every late night talk he fell deeper and deeper.

The day he realized he loved you wasn't a big scene or anything memorable really. You were sitting in Bobby's kitchen, helping him make salt rounds and humming under your breath. When he'd walked into the room you met his eyes and smiled and he'd felt like he'd been hit by a truck when the realization hit him that you owned his heart and he had no intention of ever asking for it back.

If something had happened to you…no he wouldn't go down that rabbit hole. You were here, alive and he'd make sure from now on he was always at your side. Logically he knew he couldn't have stopped a wreck but his heart wasn't hearing that. You were his and he would be damned before anything ever hurt you again.

[vizthedatum]

cw: a huge vent

Yeah, I woke up early, felt ok physically (was slightly flaring yesterday but I had a really nice time with my gf and it really made up for all of it haha), and then went down memory lane and started crying.

Then, I ate ice cream for breakfast.

Facepalm.

Today, I'm supposed to start a whole new regimen of supplements and meds (I'm still not on as many prescription meds as I've typically been, and I'd like to see how much I can keep it that way). I have my medication pill organizer all organized! I've written out notes and schedules for myself: morning, afternoon, evening, emergencies, morning routine, nighttime routine, grocery lists, etc.

*cries*

I know I will adhere to this - I am trying to give myself so many chances to succeed in life - I WANT TO LIVE FOR MYSELF.

--

I feel so stupid for falling in love with the people of my past.

I feel so stupid for making so many mistakes.

Every day I wonder if I'm just a bad person.

I still apologize for a lot of my unmasked traits.

I am still regretting my poor behavior with a lot of people.

Was I a lousy spouse? Was I a bad child? Am I the actual abuser in all of this?!

What could I have done to make it better??????????

Should I have just stayed quiet - ignored things until I vanished?

--

Sometimes, I wonder if I actually did kill Pri (dead-nickname and the name I used to go by) - what if I killed her so that she didn't have to live through the complex web of lies that she had created for herself?

I GAVE ALL OF THEM SO MUCH BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.

I know that I've just recycled parts of her instead - recycled her into who she wanted to be: me.

I'm not plural, but having had PTSD and undiagnosed autism and ADHD for so long... it feels so jarring to be more authentic.

It's so jarring to heal.

--

And what about everyone that Pri loved???

I've often said in this blog that I've been reevaluating everyone Pri loved. I told my therapist last week that I don't regret cutting all the friendships/relationships off from the last year EXCEPT FOR ONE. (Edit: in the end, I have to admit - that situationship or whatever wasn’t really respectful to me - and while I enjoyed aspects, it was a joke of what I truly deserve)

I was so fucking caught up in my trauma that I just couldn't handle it - and I hurt someone I really cared about. I keep telling myself that they didn't even really care about me - but I'm sure they did, at least as a friend or a person in their life.

That relationship made me question a lot, but I was already questioning many things.

That relationship made me realize how poorly I valued myself and how badly I misjudged the toxic way I was attracted to other people.

That relationship wasn't what made me leave my ex-spouse, even if we had arguments about it.

My ex-spouse is why I left my ex-spouse.

The more I live by myself and reconnect with my hobbies, spirituality, friends, healthy depictions of love, etc. - the more I realize how UNSAFE I was.

I still weep at pictures of myself from 2019-2022.... how could someone who claimed to love me let me be in such disarray?

How could I have married someone in the midst of chaos, arguments, debates that were clearly meant to defeat me every time, psychological violence, etc.?!

Why didn't I just BREAK UP WITH THEM AND KICK THEM OUT YEARS AGO - instead of having the stupidest marriage where I was the only active participant, living in a dangerous and toxic environment, and being in financial devastation?

I am still recovering from the financial blow I took when I left them in 2022. Before I left, I barely had any credit card debt (I did have a lot of student loans but that is a whole other story - plus I had qualified for loan forgiveness before that was nixed by our government), my credit score was amazing, and I was going to try to recover from burnout (I AM STILL IN BURNOUT)....

I have no idea when I'll be able to really recover - I am trying to figure it all out, and of course, I have a plan (I must - I keep having to be forced into it - and I fucking like having a comfortable life)... but I wonder, when will be the day when I can't just do it anymore?

When will I be unable to "hack" life?

Will I relapse into my codependency and end up with immature partners who expect me to push through my autism and various other disabilities to the point of me completely falling apart while they yell at me about how ungrateful, selfish, and insecure I am?

Will I just be perpetually used as a sex object until people think I'm too ugly and too annoying to be used any further?

--

I have had to heal from who I was to figure all of these questions out. I wasn't in great long-term relationships before this one, and there were reasons for it.

I am investigating the why - I am trying to feel the emotions - I am trying to confront my own "shadows" - I am trying so hard.

I am also just trying to live life every day.

I am trying to do better on so many fronts now.

[marinerainbow]

I have more prompts if you want them! ^^

Tiffany looked at you and she couldn't help, for that moment at least, picturing what it might be like if she was your wife- rather then Chucky's... it'd be nice, she thinks.

This killer seemed to be... eccentric... you'd admit, but suddenly it seemed like he was serenading you specifically!!? (The Driller Killer)

Come on boss just tell us, Wheezy grumbled, while Psycho giggled highly and nodded his head like yes please yes please yes please! and Greasy and Stupid harassed him in their own irritating ways... all in the name of makin' him tell them which one of them was his 'favourite'... until Smartass caught sight of a certain rabbit sittin' on the couch mindin' her own damn business, not bothering him at all... and he shrugged- 'Its Poppy, numbsculls, she's my favourite'.

Harper was sure you would be just like the rest of his targets had been, he wasn't expecting aaaaanything outta the ordinary- but then when he asked you to take a walk with him you shrugged and pulled your hand right outta his with a bright smile, said 'Oh no thanks! I think I'll take the mayor up on his offer to tour the town! Thanks, though!', winked and turned away from him... Harper did not know what to do with himself anymore.

Omg more amazing prompts!!! Thank you! All my F/O's are here, and more Poppy!!!

This is my first time writing for Tiff and DK, so hopefully it goes well ^^

And, Harper being stood up for Mayor Buckman? This toootally isn't self-indulgent, is it? 😏 XD

This time, I am going to do my damndest to keep it to five paragraphs. Even if it leaves the blurbs unfinished... That's probably what I should have been doing from the beginning, but i couldn't stop myself the other times XD

You notice your friend looking your way, and tilt your head away from the dishes and towards her- and try to ignore the way your heart skipped a beat when you saw the way she was looking at you, "What?

"Oh- Uh... Nothing." She said before shaking her head and turning back to putting away the leftovers, "Just... Thinking."

"C'mon, Tiff. You and I both know that's not your 'nothing' face." You gently pressed as you put the scrubber down and fully turned around to face your friend, "Honey, come on. Talk to me."

That. That right there. That was exactly why Tiffany was wondering about what life with you would be like; unlike Chucky, you were actually around. Chucky right now, lord knows where he was- what plane of reality he was even in with how often he died and came back. But you? Even when she had turned to a more morbid lifestyle, you stuck around. You stuck around even after she became a doll, you stuck around even after she became a single mother of the killers' children, and you stuck around now, helping her with her twins and taking care of them as your own and caring for her like... Like an actual spouse would.

But, she was still married to Chucky; a part of her still loved him, even after all their psychotic fights and him trying to kill her, not to mention that he might try to hurt you just to get to her... But every day, she found herself caring about all that just a little bit less than she did yesterday... "I'm just tired, sweet face. Let's finish up and head to bed, yeah?"

~

You had been terrified, just like all these other people had been- before they died- but now you were just confused; was... Was this guy seriously trying to sing you a tune after killing your friends right in front of you???

"Aw, c'mon Pussycat! Why the long face?" The... Guy, if you can even call him that, asked in a teasing tone as he took the chance to shimmy- yes, shimmy- on closer to you, "No one ever put on a show for you, huh?"

... Ok, so you were right; this fucker was a nutter.

"You just killed my friends in cold blood, and now you're pulling a Romeo?" All of the fear you felt before was gone now, as you stared deadpan at the guitarist. He didn't think this was going to work, right?

"Yeah, I did do that, didn't I? Hehe..." The killer chuckled, before placing one hand on his leather-clad hip, and the other on the wall behind you- where did his guitar go? Didn't he just have that? That wasn't another power of his, was it? "But it's working, ain't it~?"

~

All four weasels and the rabbit all looked shocked in their own ways, while Smartass just waved a dismissal hand to his boogle, "'Ya happy now? You got 'yer answer."

"But... I-I'm not your employee?" Poppy replied, the first time she had spoken up this whole time, "I just-"

"Not officiantly," Smartass said simply, ignoring everyone's shocked faces, "But your pretty useful 'round here. And you know how to keep quiet." This time he did send a glare to the others; Wheezy and Greasy just scoffed and Psycho giggled.

Stupid, however, scratched his head in confusion while glancing to an equally confused Poppy, before asking out loud, "But... She doesn't work with us, she's just nice... Oh! Is she your favorite because she's sweet-"

"ALRIGHT! Shuddup!" The mobster shouted, no longer keeping the casual act and startling the rabbit in question- and causing the others to grow more suspicious, "Don't you maroons have anywhere else better 'ta be!? Get off my case!"

~

No, this... This wasn't happening, right? You had to be lying, Buckman never interfered with jobs, only assigned them!

"Are you certain, Miss Y/N?" Harper asked as sweetly as he could as he caught up with you, still keeping the gentleman facade up, "I mean, Buckman is quite busy, making sure the jubilee is as perfect as can be; you certain I can't-"

"Ah! Y/N! There you are!" A very familiar voice called out from your left, the source briskly walking right up to you and Harper before taking your arm, "Sorry about that, darlin'. Boone and I had plenty of business to discuss. I hope I didn't keep you waiting?"

You giggled and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear; the very action that Harper recognized very easily for what it was- and it wasn't directed at him for once, "Not at all! I'm just happy to have you now."

Thank you so much! I love all of these! I hope you like them too ^^

"Oh, you little minx!" The mayor chuckled as the two of you walked away together, leaving an extremely dumbfounded Harper behind to comprehend that he lost his job, and his own boss was the one that took it.

[jerzwriter]

"People who are hurting want others to hurt too" - I said to myself while looking for angsty fics for T/C after a sad chapter of DTI lol. Seriously tho I was like your last anon, once I checked and you have i believe 3 angst fics for T/C and they all end up with I love you's and happy things and I was like why are they not sufferiiiiiiiiiiing 😂😂😂 im the worst im sorry im sorry

OK, did you read where I killed her, and he lived the rest of his life alone? lol

Well, there is good and bad news.

Right now, in my HC, Tobias & Casey are getting married on November 12th. So, I'm going to be writing a lot of their HC. I want to get them from where I left off in Their Start (she dumped him, and it's the morning of the chemical attack), to how they end up together, then I can write all that leads up to their wedding. So, until November 12th, the only angst you'll get is the attack, her PTSD, and the idiots messing up until they get together (but you know the outcome. lol)

After that, I have actually 4 things in WIPs:

The continuation of Where it Goes From Here (which was supposed to be a one-off). Now that Tobias knows why Casey left him (although there is more, and it is PAINFUL), what's next? Can he stay with his wife, who he loves, but is not in love with? What becomes of their little girl? And what about Casey? She never let go of him, but she was able to move on, and now that she's seen him again and knows he still loves her, how does that impact her?

Unnamed mini-series. They seem to be the perfect couple. Happily married for many, many years, a little girl, a little boy (I'm not making this canon - uhuh. lol). One day, the unthinkable happens. Someone has fallen in love with someone else, and they have made it clear they don't wish to act on it, but they don't want to lie to their spouse anymore. Devastated, the other spouse flees and returns to Boston to clear their head. What happens from here? This is meant to explore different ways we can be unfaithful and the impacts that it can have. How marriages, even good marriages, change. IS honesty always the best policy? Would it have been better to keep this quiet and work on the marriage that is now teetering on breaking? Can it be saved... should it be saved? Does marriage have to last forever in order for it to be successful? How does it end? Not saying. lol

Unnamed mini-series. I'm not sure I'll ever write this one. I don't know if I have the enthusiasm for it that I once did. But it was a loving couple who is falling apart, and one refused to see it. Then a string of misunderstandings leads to one assuming the other was unfaithful, so they make a huge mistake themselves. When it all falls apart, what becomes of them?

Reset. It's the Ethan returned from the Amazon with a girlfriend in tow series. Tobias is now Kaycee boss, but his desire to one-up Ethan is still very alive. He makes Kaycee part of his plan. But does the plan backfire?

Not sure what will happen with each of these, but they're in the works.

But, BTW, angst with a happy ending is my favorite jam. lol

[yandere-isopod]

yk what, i'll take the opportunity to vent. I've had a really shitty day.

I asked for 1 (ONE) accomodation at work because my physiotherapist said it would be a good idea and it would relieve my muscles of a lot of tension. I was fired because of that. I've been having shitty years since I've developed chronic pain but today takes the fucking cake.

I'm so stupid for trying to get accomodations but it really hurts that I was let go just because I asked for a lower chair so that my neck and muscles wouldn't be so strained. I'm not disabled, I can work and I want to work! I woke up every day at 4 am for this fucking job!!! I took 2 buses just to get there! I'm the first person in last person out, I worked even when I was sick and when my meds weren't working and this is how they treat me??? And you know what I did??????? I kept working even when they told me they had no chairs for me, I said "ok np" AND WENT BACK TO WORK!!!!! LIKE I ALWAYS DO!!!! and then they fired me, now i feel so stupid for listening to my physiotherapist, fuck my mustles idgaf ab my physical health, i needed that job to graduate, i don't even know what i'm gonna do now, i'm still begging them on messages to give me another chance, but i know they won't, i'm a liability, ik i'm dumb and i should've expected this to happen but i've never had chronic pain, this is my first time experiencing this kind of treatment and i'm just so lost, doctors aren't sure when i'll be able to get better and i can't stop my whole fucking life just because of pain, i'm so lost and i wish i could just delete this whole chapter of my life, i wish i could be who i was before i had this thing.

Everything became a struggle, studying, working, exercising, my depression pratically went to the pits of hell, no antidepressant makes me feel better. I hate hate hate HATE living like this and I can't wait anymore and I can't take it anymore!! People tell me "it's not your fault" or "i don't get it you're so young how is your body already like this" or " don't worry things will get better" THEY'RE NOT GETTING BETTER.

My biggest dream is working on a specific field that I know would be bad for my health, but I don't care, it's what keeps me from killing myself, the thought that someday I'm gonna work with what I love, but now I'm terrified that my condition may get worse in a way where I can't even hide it and then I won't be able to work in that field. It's literally my only dream and my only purpose rn and I feel it's getting farther and farther away.

btw nozomi looks like such a cool game!!! I love every little thing u post ab it!

I'm gonna go listen to my favorite songs and pretend I didn't get fired, I hope you and your spouse have a lovely day, you 2 are my favorite internet couple.

Anon I have a very excellent solution to your problem. It involves arson. Also may I suggest arson for the dumb people asking stupid questions. I’m not sure where you live but are there any protections legally for firing someone over an accommodation? Where I’m at they would be in hot water so it could be something to look up. Then arson after, I’ll bring the gasoline. Feel free to toss a vent into my asks any day. I’m terrible with words but I am an excellent listener. <3

Also love that I’ve reached internet couple status with my spouse for you. 💀 this is the highlight of my day.

[dnalkaline]

Warning for like really heavy talk I don't expect anyone to read this but I had to type the brain worms out and post them so I can reflect on this later after I have a nap. Might delete later.

I'm on temazepam and it makes me ramble so this is kinda long.

Well.

The other day I was like "man I'm sick of this shit if there's some higher power out there can you send me a sign that things are gonna be alright and tell me what to do to improve my life and be happy" and then meditated and fell asleep. In my dream I had a very realistic depiction/instruction of how to kill myself by walking into the woods and ODing on my medicine.

And I'm like. Ok. Maybe that's just coincidence.

So today I asked "ok what should I do that would make me happy in life" and drew lenormand cards. I got the Scythe and the Boat which implies an abrupt and violent end to a painful journey. When I drew the cards I got bad vibes from them so now I'm like. Alright. I think maybe something wants me dead.

Then I was like "Can I get a clarifier on what this means" and I drew the 9 of swords which is. About mental anguish, nightmares, etc etc. Which just kinda brings us back to the first point.

Assuming it's not all just coincidence or w.e and higher powers are Real this just feels like an absolute fucking "kick me when I'm down" moment. Even some of my spirit guides are like "... Man I'm sorry but I don't really know how to help you."

I did some other meditation rituals later to try and ask other entities for advice. The demons Bune and Andras had some more encouraging words about hanging in there and it doesn't Matter what other people think because I am still capable of great things, I just haven't figured it out yet. But like.

Man idk. I'm sick of fighting so hard and it feels like life isn't worth living. I've been clinically depressed since I was 16 and not much has changed to be honest. I understand that in theory, things can get better, but the problem is I'm so tired that I don't think the payoff is worth it. It feels like I'm essentially working for pennies and scraps.

People keep saying I'm just being pessimistic and that things Always get better, but I'm a little resentful because all of those people clearly have things that I don't or can't have (loving spouse, good family relations, a career, no degenerative disease, etc). I especially feel mad because part of the reason the endo is trying to block my organs and kill me is that people didn't believe I was having so much pain it occasionally leaves me bedbound. People would just tell me to exercise more which... made it worse.

And it's not that I have nothing- I have a lot of good internet friends. But that can only really take you so far, and most of them are also struggling and can't help much. I need some sort of safety social net and assisted living.

The spirits/demons I work with on a personal level that I've talked to about this said that they don't want me to kill myself, and that it's really important for my development (I believe in reincarnation and all that jazz) that I don't do this. I also need to help my family pay the mortgage and me dying would be a huge inconvenience, which is the main thing that has been stopping me lately.

I know life is supposed to be hard somewhat but like... I kinda just don't want to deal with it. I don't want to exist. I find it really hard to genuinely find joy in things and as time goes on, even with medications, things don't improve because I'm in perpetual poverty and dealing with an issue that's kinda similar to cancer but not technically cancer. (Along with brain damage that inhibits some of my ability to find joy in things) I'm in pain every day both physically and emotionally. My entire body hurts right now and there's nothing people can really do about it. I'm not going to live to retirement age so like... I don't know? What do I even do about this.

Whenever I get something that seems like it's a huge step in the right direction (like the surgery thing), life somehow finds a way to take it away from me. I was supposed to inherit a house and a car by now which would have been HUGE but things got changed around so now I get nothing.

Even if I do get the surgery there's a chance that it won't help much... Then I'd just feel like a waste of space and I'd feel guilty about the wasted money.

It's not fair. I'm basically middle aged for someone with my comorbid diseases/disabilities and it sucks because the majority of my life has just been a depression pit. I can't catch a break, and when I do, I'm so traumatized it's hard for me to relax and actually live in the moment without drugs.

I want to fix my life but I also... don't. I'm sick of playing this stupid "game". I'm tired of working my ass off only to get backstabbed by most people or have random accidents happen that set me back to square one. I know nobody is going to come and save me. And that I have to save myself. But I'm tired and I don't want to. I feel like people don't get it. On the last 12 years there has not been a single month in which I had gone without trying to think about how to kill myself without inconveniencing everyone. Part of the reason I'm still here is I have a lot of work to do before then.

Will I actually go through with it? Probably not, in all honesty. Even though I want to stop existing, I'm too scared to die.

Idk. It just sucks that most treatments for depression can't work on me due to my sensitive nerve issues or serotonin sensitivity. The only thing that might work are some experimental treatments that aren't covered by insurance anyway so I'd likely have to crowdfund or something. But I've tried crowdfunding before for the SGB injections and basically I got a lot of messages calling me a lazy piece of shit and I just need to "work harder" and I don't deserve handouts for needing PTSD treatment, so I just took it down. I don't have a lot of faith in general about that. Every time I make a dono post I get like... 5$ from it. I also stopped trying because I feel super guilty asking for money, especially since most of my friends have other shit they need to do as well.

Idk. I'm just tired of pretending to be happy so I don't worry people. If anyone reaches out to want to talk about this that's Fine but like. Please understand I am not in the mood for toxic positivity. It just makes me angrier and I feel like not a lot of people actually fully understand my situation and how this affects me. I don't really expect anyone to have anyhting profound to say, either.

I wish my parents never had me. They're both kinda old and going senile so I have to help take care of them on top of taking care of my severely disabled ass. Even if some things are improving, there's just a lot going on and I wish I could just pop out of existence like I was never real in the first place.

There's other stuff I'm thinking about but this is already getting super long so I'm cutting it here

[gachaparadise]

okay okay okay. last 2.1 post. I'll stop. I will!

out of everything this update made me feel the one thing i least expected was... i walked away kinda fond of Sparkle actually. the way she showed up, gave my wife both an important hint and a fucking blow up Penacony button and left was SO silly and cute. thank you for aiding my wife we are now allies i guess. i have decided to forgive the racism, on accoutn of i WOULD actually really like to blow up Penacony. Fuck this stupid baka planet.

it makes me even more glad i rolled her. i was already glad because she is such an DH enabler but now like it makes me happy to see her in my archive.

i also felt more affection for Topaz, for very similar reasons. she was helping out my wife by lending him her cornerstone and she seemed genuinely sad when the light in his went out. if she really is my wife's friend then i to must be friends with her, like any good spouse. maybe i'll look out for an opportunity to roll her in the future.

on the other side of the coin... Ratio... you son of a bitch... it seems like. it wasn't a BETRAYAL betrayal. and more of a gaslight gatekeep girlboss moment. but. i was SO mad at him in the moment and I'm still sorting myself out. we are... not at ODDS anymore I'd say. the note at the end absolved him of me wanting to punt him into the moon but. things are tense until i understand better.

lastly! i'm glad we got a few texts from DH!! i miss my husband. i fear if i do not see him soon he will be usurped as my favourite character, i like to think my heart is not so fickle but. my wife. he's just. oouuugghh. will reassess when i'm not feeling so much like i've been run over.

okay i said the last point was lastly but. i feel like finishing the character review for now uh. Sunday was perfect. just as i'd hoped he'd be. A manipulative lunatic who's scarified everything for his dream, for his family and is a horrible weird empty unpleasant shell. i'm a little annoyed he poisoned my wife but. i also expected them to be at odds so it's okie dokie. love his weird cult vibes, he is SO fucked in the head :) gonna get this chicken therapy so help me god.

Gallagher i was NOT expecting to be so relevant. like. he's some kind of amalgamation of other peoples who's infiltrated Penacony and is the murderer. like. what? nani? huge. i thought it was WEIRD af nobody seemed to know his name when we brought him up but i woulda NEVER guess that's where it was heading. looking forward to finding out just WHAT he really is.

Acheron my friend Acheron :) she's a great trustworthy friend. a lot of her stuff was straight up a honkai3rd reference so it made no damn sense. compelled me though. she is miss feels-bad but shes so niceies to everyone. she was very sweet to Sam i appreciated that. and the way she looked after my wife in purgatory! very kind of her. if i had the primos to spare i'd nab her in a heartbeat.

Blackswan hardly came up but. she was lovely and beautiful in every scene she was in. and speaking of the scene she was in Boothill was so fucking funny. he called Acheron on the phone like ''I'mma gonna kill u!!!'' and then. when some other woman he didn't know answered he was like ''i'll kill you to! i'll kill everyone! bang bang!!''. silly goose material. when he realized he and BS are on the same side he was very polite. hope he makes it to Penacony in time to see the grand finale.

also quick Robin interlude. still don't know much about the girlie but. her letter to Sunday at the mansion showed she's got mad investigation skills. i was very impressed to see that from her. and i'm so so intrigued by her and Sunday's relationship.

that just leaves... Sam. i dunno. i was spoiled so it didn't have as much impact as I'd like :( we shall have to see wtf is up with her (him?). i will say anything stelleron hunter related makes me happy. they're my friends. my og friends. the people i trust most. the script is a GOOD thing ok.

actually i left my wife out of this review huh. Aventurine is perfect. was perfect. and will be perfect in the future. his backstory makes me feel like i've been run over, crying and wailing about it still. he's everything.

i'm still trying to make sense of the ending. he. decided to live. to become truly free of all this. and that's all i can ask for him. he deserves AT LEST that much. i really don't think he's DEAD dead. he literally said it wasn't his time to be with his parents and sister yet. but i fear we may never see him again. after all you can't fake your death and then come right back to the scene of the crime... the plan hinges on someone returning from beyond the veil of death within the dreamscape but... i fear that person doesn't HAVE to him does it? it felt very conclusive, that final cutscene. like this was his farewell to this glittering stage and this ipc life.

goodbye Kakavasha... if our paths cross again may you infinitely happier then you were before.

[alyssaswrld999]

Argument and make-up treatment is always amazing - Daryl Dixon x reader smut

Guys comment If You all want a part two or a series of this! Love you guys ❤❤❤

Dear Diary,

I have been together with the archer quite some time. I mean ever since I first met him in high-school i was always attracted to the man. I actually got together with him after the start of the world turning up to a bigger pile of shit then It already was. Which was "Amazing". It started out as hanging out and checking up on each other and making sure he wasn't gonna kill Merle or anyone else at the camp outside of the city in Atlanta. Next It went to being drunk and stealing a kiss at the CDC. Then having our first time with each other at Hershels farm. To now where it was us together at the prison being married. I just adore him so much and I guess he adores me. He has changed my life and it is amazing. I never knew love really existed until I met the one and only Daryl Dixon. I always knew he was a troubled youth ever since I first met him. There were signs you just gotta learn how to read them as daryl would say. I knew his brother Merle all to well. The Dixons were always the talk of the town. I wanted to kill Daryls dad for beating Merle and Daryl. Also wanted to do the same to Merle for not being there for Daryl and making it to where Daryl took Merles place in getting hit and beaten. I get it that Merle can be an asshole but when you get to truly be nice and talk to him more he ain't as bad as you think. Same with Daryl I mean at first he was a asshole but after he seen he could trust me and we became close both the Dixon brothers trusted me and to this day they still do. I was there for Daryl when he would get a new scar or scratch or even a black eye. I was there for Daryl when no one else was. Daryl did the same thing for me and he still does.

Suddenly as I was writing I heard a knock on the doorway. I look up and seen Daryl. "Hey" I said closing my journal. Daryl looked at me and it seemed he was mad.

"I need to talk to you" Daryl said. I looked at Daryl and in my mind I was confused but I pushed it aside. "Ok um are you alright" I said.

"Rick told me you went out on a run by yourself is that true" Daryl said. At that moment I was feeling weird. So what If I went out by myself I'm allowed to do as I damn well please.

"Are you seriously pissed off that I went alone to look for supplies" I said standing up. "Ya I am cause what would have happened if you didn't come back or hell got even bit" Daryl shouted.

I looked stunned at him and i was now getting really pissed off. "Daryl are you being serious I am fine I know how to look after myself" I said in defense.

"Y/n I'm trying to protect ya hell even put the damn ring on ya finger and you can't wait for me or someone to go with you to look for supplies" Daryl said.

"Daryl it's even a bigger risk to bring another person I mean look what happened to Maggie and Glenn they were tortured and abused" I said.

"That's exactly why I don't want ya out there alone" Daryl said. "Oh right ok here folks it's Daryl the night and shining armor dixon coming to my rescue again like I even need it" I said.

I look at him in disgust and I look away. "You know what how about you find someone who's a better spouse instead of fucking keeping me because apparently I'm not good enough for ya" I said throwing down the wedding ring Daryl gave me.

I push him aside and go to exit the cell block. I make my way outside and spend my time up in the guard tower taking watch.

[fangirleaconmigo]

You know that meme?

Person A: “I’m going to kill you.”

Person B: “Hmm I have to ask my (spouse, mom, etc) if that’s ok.”

Person A: “Wait wait—“

(Spouse, mom, whoever comes and threatens person A)

Person B: “They said no.”

Well, I actually recommend that approach for young people, the “innocently” appealing to a higher authority when you don’t like something that’s happening to you.

I did something like it when I was young, terrified of conflict, and pathologically incapable of setting boundaries.

And guess what? It worked! Also, it was hilarious.

I was in an airport flying internationally by myself. I was a baby baby girl. Maybe 19, but I looked 14 and acted like a precious little wide eyed hick. This guy (a complete stranger) approached me in the check in line. He asked me to pretend his luggage was mine and check it on the plane. He explained that he simply had too much luggage, and I should be a nice person and help.

I wanted to be a nice person. Like more than was normal for a human. But it was absurd!! They tell you like every two minutes over the loud speaker NOT TO EVER DO THAT. I didn’t want to be an unwitting drug smuggler or something! But I didn’t know what to do! See above, re: afraid, pathologically incapable of setting boundaries.

I panicked, and out of desperation, I was like…”oh mister, I don’t know if that’s allowed. Let me ask!”

He was like “NO WAIT STOP”

I cut him off (really loudly and innocently) and started talking to the nearest ‘real’ grown up. “MA’AM THIS MAN WANTS ME TO PRETEND HIS BAGS ARE MINE AND TAKE THEM ON THE PLANE. IS THAT ALLOWED? MAY I DO THAT FOR HIM?”

This woman (an airport employee) looked at me like I had sprouted horns, and then at him. “Do you know him?”

At that point he was trying desperately and comically to shush me. He was also grabbing his bags.

“NO MA’AM”

She shoots daggers at him (with her eyes, but literal daggers would have been cool) “No, that’s absolutely not allowed. You may not do that.”

I turned to him. “Oh, I’m so sorry sir, she said that’s not allowed.” (I was still speaking really loudly and innocently and since I looked like an actual cherub I was selling it.)

He was so embarrassed and impotently angry and it was absolutely hilarious. I never saw him again after that.

It won’t always be a tactic available to you, but if it is (say, you’re in a public place) and your instincts tell you to use it, it can work.

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝑴𝒂𝒇𝒊𝒂! 𝑨𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒛: 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝑾𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝑰𝒔 𝑰𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝑨𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝑯𝒆𝒓 𝑷𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒚

Disclaimer: In no way am I condoning, supporting, justifying or encouraging mafia activities or lifestyle. This is all fictional and not meant to represent real life scenarios.

❅𝐾𝑖𝑚 𝐻𝑜𝑛𝑔𝑗𝑜𝑜𝑛𝑔

You huffed as you tried to zip up your dress but to no avail. It would not budge because of the baby bump that was growing. In one last attempt to zip it up, you actually ended up ripping the zipper, causing you to gasp in horror.

"Oh no." Your hand covered your mouth as you stared in shock at yourself in the mirror.

"Honey are you ready to go?" Hongjoong asked, as he came into the room.

Hongjoong noticed how you kept staring at your reflection in the mirror, immobile and not responding to him.

"Hey baby? What is it?" He came up behind you, his arms sliding down protectively around your stomach.

Unwillingly, you let out tears and started sobbing.

"I'm....fat." You whined as you wiped some tears off your face, effectively making some of your eye makeup smudge.

Hongjoong pouted and shook his head cutely at you.

"Baby no. You're not fat. You're carrying a baby, our baby. Our beautiful little bundle of joy that we created together and that I can't wait to bring into this world with you."

You smiled softly at his words. Placing a kiss to your cheek, he continued:

"You're absolutely beautiful love. And if I must admit, I think you look more lovely with the baby bump." He sent a wink to you through the mirror, causing you to burst out giggling.

"Tell you what? Let's skip the dinner date and just stay home and cuddle. Ok?"

❅𝑃𝑎𝑟𝑘 𝑆𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑔ℎ𝑤𝑎

Sitting on your bed, waiting for Seonghwa to come out of the bathroom, you kept replaying your mother in law's words in your head.

"I remember when I gave birth to Seonghwa. He came a little earlier than expected while his father was away on a business trip. So I had to go through the birth process all alone. You can imagine how scared I was."

Her story shook you to your core. Seonghwa often had to go away. What if the same thing happened to you? What if he misses the birth of your child? And you had to endure all of it alone?

You were so immersed in your worries, you failed to notice that Seonghwa was standing next to you and were woken up when his hand touched your shoulder.

"What is it my dear?" He asked, knowing something was troubling you.

"I don't want to go through this by myself..." You admitted, one of your hands going to your bump to get your point across.

Seonghwa understood what you were talking about, the way you kept quiet and became pensive when his mom told her story did not go unnoticed by him. Seonghwa kneeled in front of you. Taking your hands in his, he promised you:

"And you won't. I'm not going to leave you or our child alone during this time. My father missed my birth and it's something that he regrets to this day. I don't want to do the same. I want to be there for you and our baby. I'm going to be there every step of the way. I promise."

Leaning in, he sealed his promise with a kiss, and you were now much calmer with his reassuring words.

❅𝐽𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑌𝑢𝑛ℎ𝑜

You took a deep breath as soon as you stepped inside the house, relieved to finally be back in the comfort of your own home. It's not that you hated your in laws, but to have them constantly tell you how to take care of their future grandson, because apparently you don't know what you're doing, irritated you.

If you were honest, at times you felt like they just saw you as an incubator instead of what you really were: Yunho's wife and mother of his child. It was horrible.

You went to the kitchen and decided to prepare yourself a little snack. You opted for something on the spicier side since you were craving it really badly. Right at that moment, Yunho came in and when he saw what you were eating he quickly took it away.

"Hey!" You exclaimed, trying to get your food back.

"You can't eat spicy food. Mom said it increases the risk of a miscarriage. " Yunho said while holding the plate high above your head.

"No it doesn't! Now give it back." You desperately tried to jump and take it away from him.

"Y/N stop doing that. It could hurt the baby or-"

"Oh for fuck's sake Yunho will you shut up and stop repeating everything your parents say?! I'm sick and tired of them basically tell me I'm not a good mother. I already feel shitty enough as it is with the mood swings and pregnancy pains, and I don't need you or anyone else making me feel worse than I already do!"

You finally snapped. You turned around and began crying tears of pain, fear, rage and frustration. Yunho felt horrible. He realized now he should have protected you more but he didn't. Carefully, he hugged you from behind.

"Baby, you're doing an amazing job. You'll see, you're going to be the best mom in the whole world. I'm proud of you. And.... I'm sorry about my parents. I promise I won't let them have a say in how we raise our baby anymore. Ok?"

He turned you around and began wiping your tears away.

"Don't cry anymore love. I hate to see you cry. Could you please smile for me?"

❅𝐾𝑎𝑛𝑔 𝑌𝑒𝑜𝑠𝑎𝑛𝑔

It was already difficult for Yeosang and you to get pregnant. You spent almost 3 years trying, about to give up hope, when it finally happened. You were pregnant and Yeosang was elated with the news.

Although you and him were extremely careful, being your first child and everything, you still felt uneasy at times. It didn't help when you went to visit your family and ended up finding out all of your aunts have had at least 1 miscarriage before.

"Don't be so surprised dear. All women in our family have had a miscarriage."

You looked over at your own mother, who unfortunately had to confirm their allegations and tell you about the older sister you were supposed to have.

Since then you became paranoid. It was already a struggle to get pregnant, what if you were to actually lose the baby. One night, you had a terrible nightmare that had you shaking and bawling your eyes out. It was so intense, Yeosang had to wake you up and hold you for 10 minutes until you calmed down.

You then told him about what your aunts said, about your dream and your fear of something happening to your baby. Although Yeosang was scared as well, he had to be strong for both of you.

"Honey, please don't think such things. So far we've been very careful about this and the doctor says everything is fine. If you worry too much about this, it could be harmful."

"I know, I know Yeosang.....but what if I do have a miscarriage? What will we do then? How do we know we won't have one?" You asked him.

Yeosang held back the tears threatening to spill out. He refused to imagine that scenario in his head.

"We don't know Y/N, no one ever knows these things....but I do know that I love you and our baby. And I know we're doing our best. I can't promise you that nothing will happen....but whatever happens, I want you to know you're not alone. I'm here with you, by your side and we're going to get through all this together. No matter what comes."

Yeosang kissed your forehead reassuringly. Although he was scared, he had hope that both of you would be able to bring your baby into this world safely and unharmed.

❅𝐶ℎ𝑜𝑖 𝑆𝑎𝑛

You immediately turned off the TV. You internally cursed yourself for watching another drama therapist show. You usually rolled your eyes when it turnt out someone cheated on their spouse, but this recent one made you paranoid. Because the husband had cheated on his pregnant wife because 'he had needs she couldn't fulfill'.

It got you paranoid. You immediately started wondering if San would ever cheat on you, that is if he hadn't already. It had been 5 months since you last had sex. For all you knew, he could be seeing someone else. As if on cue, San walked into the house.

"Hi honey. How's my lovely-"

"Who are you seeing?" You immediately accused him.

San looked at you as if you were crazy.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, genuinely confused.

"Don't lie to me! Who are you cheating on me with?" Maybe you were jumping to conclusions too hastily, but you were so anxious to think rationally.

"Who am I cheating on you with? What has gotten into you woman?" San could not believe what he was hearing.

That's when you broke down and confessed rather embarrassingly the whole situation. San listened to you patiently, without judgment and you felt worse.

"I'm sorry." You apologized.

"Baby it's fine, I get why you'd get worried, but trust me. I'm not some asshole that's going to cheat on my wife, who by the way is carrying my child. I mean seriously, who does that?" San actually cringed at the thought, making you laugh a little.

"Baby I love you and only you. And why would I want anyone else when I'm lucky enough to have all this?" San smiled as he pulled you close to him.

"So you still find me attractive?" You asked with doe eyes.

San chuckled.

"Baby I think you're the most beautiful person in the world. And besides....."

Carefully, he picked you up and began taking you to your bedroom.

"Who says we can't make love while you're pregnant?"

❅𝑆𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑀𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑖

Mingi came into the house all happy. Wanting to surprise you with a date in a fancy restaurant, he waltzed into the room and hugged you tightly.

"Hi love!" He screeched loudly as he pecked your lips.

"And hello to you as well." He gently rubbed your belly, cooing softly.

He looked back at you, noticing that you loved out of sorts.

"Is something wrong?" He asked.

"I'm just not in a good mood." You replied, your voice had a cold tone to it.

Mingi smiled. "Perfect! I know just how to cheer you up! I made reservations for a date! So why don't you make yourself look even more beautiful so we can go?"

"I don't want to." You said, sitting on the bed.

Mingi pouted at you.

"But baby. I really want to take you and our baby out. So please-"

"No Mingi! I told you, I'm not in a good mood! I'm cranky and this pregnancy is killing me, I'm sore all over my body and I'm carrying an extra 40 pounds that I'm not used to and it's all your fault!"

Mingi stood there, shook at your sudden outburst.

"My fault?"

"Yes! You were the one who wanted to have a baby, it was your idea yet you're not the one having to go through all this! It's me! You selfish idiot!" You crossed your arms and glared at him.

Usually Mingi would have been hurt by your words, but after months of dealing with your raging hormones, he knew you didn't actually mean what you said. Sitting next to you, he wrapped an arm around you.

"Come on Y/N, you know you don't mean that..."

Chuckling, he teased:

"And if I remember correctly, you were thrilled and wanted to immediately start trying when I brought up the idea of having a baby."

You poked your bottom lip out in annoyance, not wanting to admit he was right. Mingi laughed softly and kissed your pouty lips.

"Did you know you're even more adorable when you get all feisty and angry?" He said as he pinched your cheeks.

"Stop." You swatted his arm away, unable to contain the smile that soon spread on your face.

Mingi may be your annoying husband at times, but he always knew how to make you soft.

❅𝐽𝑢𝑛𝑔 𝑊𝑜𝑜𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑔

"Must you go?"

You held onto Wooyoung's arm, refusing to let him go.

"I'm sorry about canceling movie night darling, but it's important and the guys need me."

Wooyoung sighed as he put on his jacket and began loading his revolver.

"It's not that it's just..."

You stopped yourself and looked down. Wooyoung stopped what he was doing and caressed your arms.

"What is it babe?" He urged you to tell him.

You looked at him and told him:

"I'm scared ok? You've been doing this for years, but now I'm scared. Scared of something happening to you...or someone breaking in and hurting me or our baby..."

You couldn't form any more words, getting choked up with your emotions. You began thinking about all the worst case scenarios that could possibly happen. For all you knew, you could end up being a young widow and single mother for the rest of your life.

Wooyoung pulled you against him, his hand stroking your hair. That was all it took for you to start crying as you held onto him like your life or his depended on it.

"Sweetheart, I promised I'd protect you and I'm not breaking my promise. Nothing will happen to you or our child." He whispered softly.

"What about you? What if something happens to you while on a mission?"

Wooyoung actually let out a laugh at that.

"Babygirl, nothing can kill me. I'm practically bulletproof."

You hit his chest.

"What? It's true. Come on Y/N. I'm not about to let anything happen to me. I need to stay alive to be there and hold our precious daughter when she arrives."

You rolled your eyes.

"We don't know if it's a girl yet-"

"She's a girl! And that's final! We're having a girl!" He exclaimed, refusing to believe he was wrong.

❅𝐶ℎ𝑜𝑖 𝐽𝑜𝑛𝑔ℎ𝑜

"What's on your mind honey bunch?"

Jongho knew you well enough to know something was troubling you.

"Do you think this was a good idea?" You asked him.

"Ordering food from this place? Definitely not. This is why I say we don't try new places." Jongho let out a tiny 'bleh' when he tried something that was a little too spicy for his liking.

"No....I mean...the baby."

Jongho dropped his fork and looked at you in shock.

"You're....you're not actually regretting this..are you?" He was afraid to hear your answer.

"No, not the baby .... but me." You said.

"You? Why?" Jongho got up and went immediately went to your side.

"I mean....what if I end up being a bad mother? What if I don't know what to do? I'm scared Jongho." You looked at him, face full of worry.

"Pumpkin, listen. I'm scared too. I mean.... it is our first time."

You both chuckled at that .

"But the thing is, we're both going to try our best to give our baby a good life and to protect it as best we can. And I can assure you that I think you'll be a wonderful mother."

Your eyes lit up at his comment.

"You really think so?"

Jongho nodded and pulled you onto his lap.

"I do. I mean, you take good care of Mingi. I'd say you already know the basics of taking care of a baby." He snorted.

You laughed despite not wanting to.

"You're so mean to him!"

"If you want extra practice, I can ask him to come."

Gifs not mine. Credit goes to their respective owners.

[harrysweasleys]

all to myself // f.w

summary: it’s fred’s birthday and he only wants to spend it with you

warnings: implied smut

word count: 2.4k

a/n: ok so here’s the deal. this was actually supposed to be a fred fic that involved the yule ball and then i realized i already wrote that one. so that was a brain fart. anyways, i replaced it with another fred fic but this was a non-requested idea!!! either way, enjoy! x

—————————

“Freddie, we’ve gotta get going,” you giggled, your skin erupting in goosebumps under his delicate touch, sloppy kisses being placed up and down your neck.

“Why don’t we skip dinner?” he mumbled against your skin, his soft hands slowly beginning to slide up under your shirt and grazing your skin with his fingers, “Much rather spend it alone here with you.”

You feebly attempted to push him off of you, not really wanting to lose the contact but knowing you had places to be, “Because we promised your mum. Also, it’s George’s birthday too, incase you’ve forgotten.”

He chuckled against your skin, “Y’know, darling, we could just say you’re sick.”

“Fred,” you groaned, successfully sliding out from under him and sitting upright on the bed, pulling your loose shirt back down from where he had hitched it up, “I need to get ready. We have to be there shortly. Then, after we return, you can have me all night.”

His eyebrows shot up and he smirked at you, “All night, you say? Quite tempting, I must admit.”

You gave him a quick wink and stood up off the bed, walking over to the dresser where your dress was hanging, smoothed out and ready to go. You had bought it nearly two years ago when shopping with Ginny, but had never found an occasion to wear it. Tonight felt like the right time.

You took it off the hanger and glanced at it. It was quite a lovely dress. You hoped Fred would like it. After all, there’s no one in the world you’d rather impress.

“I guess I should go get changed too, then,” Fred threw himself back onto the bed, groaning and sighing dramatically, arms spread out as he watched you walk with your dress in your hands.

You laughed at him, entering the bathroom, “Yes, go get changed. I’ll be ready in a few.”

Closing the door behind you and ignoring his antics, you stripped down and put on the dress, admiring yourself in the mirror. Even you had to admit, it was quite beautiful. It hugged your body perfectly, the silky smooth material shining under the bathroom lights. You grabbed your wand — which you had in the waistband of the sweats you were previously wearing — and brought it up to your hair, flicking it with a quick enchantment and having your hair fall straight over your shoulders. Although Fred loved you in your natural state, you knew he also loved it when you dressed up. Especially if it was for him.

Within five minutes, your makeup was done and you stepped outside of the bathroom, breath catching in your throat when you saw Fred sitting on the edge of the bed looking mighty fine.

His eyes widened immediately once they landed on you, scanning you up and down with his mouth slightly open, “You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you? You’re actually trying to murder me.”

You blushed furiously, thankful for the makeup you had applied for hiding it. He stood up and walked over to you, letting you see his outfit fully.

“You look pretty good yourself, handsome,” you grinned as his arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you into his body. He was wearing a dress shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows — he knew exactly how to rile you up and you’d be damned if you said it wasn’t working.

“I’m regretting agreeing to this dinner,” he mumbled, leaning over to place a kiss to your temple, arms tightening around you, “Not gonna be able to control myself.”

Your body felt like it was on fire as he leaned down once more, placing his lips against your neck and causing you to shiver. The idea of skipping dinner and staying in bed with him was incredibly tempting, even you had to admit that.

“C’mon, love,” you mumbled, subconsciously tilting your head once more even though every part of you knew you had to get going, “Your family’s waiting for us.”

“Let them wait,” he said softly against your skin, his hands sliding down the back of your dress further and further until you grabbed his arms and brought them up again, pulling away from him and raising an eyebrow.

“No more games, let’s go,” you grinned, locking your hand with his and walking towards the living room, “Just gonna grab the keys and we can apparate.” He groaned, pouting like a toddler who had been told they can’t have what they wanted. Although, this was how Fred behaved most days. He really was needy for your attention and touch — about as needy as you were for him.

“Why’d you need keys if we’re apparating?” he furrowed his eyebrows, his face no longer pouty as he realized he wasn’t going to get what he wanted just yet.

“Incase something happens,” you shrugged, not sure why the habit of bringing keys never died down even after you learned to apparate, “Now, let’s go.”

He sighed, rolling his eyes and pulling your body close to his, “Fine, fine, let’s go.” He leaned in a pressed a kiss to your lips before pulling his body away and holding your hand in his, the two of you momentarily being engulfed by darkness before appearing in the dining room of the Burrow.

“Oh — bloody hell,” Ron screeched, falling off of his seat and nearly knocking poor Hermione to the ground, his eyes bulging slightly before returning to their normal size, “Y’know you two can use Floo? That way you don’t give anyone — particularly me — a heart attack, thanks.”

You grinned as he stood up, placing his hand over his heart, “Good to see you, Ron. And you, Hermione.” She returned the greeting kindly.

Ron nodded in your direction, mustering up a sarcastic smile, before turning to Fred, “Happy birthday, mate. They’re all in the living room.”

Fred thanked his younger brother, who was now over the fright, and brought Hermione along with him to follow you two into the living room. Upon entering, Fred barely stepped inside before he was engulfed into a massive hug, his mother telling him happy birthday and how much she had missed him these last few weeks.

“Blimey, mum, can’t breathe,” Fred pretended to croak, patting her awkwardly on the back as she was much shorter than he was. You chuckled, Mrs Weasley clearly didn’t mind her son’s sarcasm at the moment.

“Oh!” she pulled away, enveloping you in a tight hug as well, “So nice to see you dear!” Molly Weasley gave, quite possibly, what could be considered the greatest hugs of all time. She was one of the most comforting and accepting people you had ever met and you’d gladly accept hugs from her every hour of the day.

“So lovely to see you too, Mrs Weasley,” you hugged back, smiling kindly as she pulled away before scolding you for not calling her Molly as she had repeatedly told you to do so.

Greetings went on for a while — Fred did have a large family, after all. All of his siblings and their spouses had shown up, crowding the Burrow with their much appreciated presence.

Colourful decorations were hung from the windows and staircase bannister, illuminating the room. Balloons floated around, sparking brightly under the lights. You had been here for multiple Weasley birthdays, hut every time, Mrs Weasley seemed to outdo herself on decorations. It was always lovely to see.

“I’d make a joke about staring into a mirror, but I’m the better looking twin anyways so it wouldn’t work,” Fred grinned as he approached George, the two hugging for a moment before wishing each other a happy birthday, George insisting that he was actually the better looking twin.

You laughed at their bickering before they already dived into business talk, planning their next line of products as you chatted with Hermione and Ginny.

——

The rest of the evening was filled with laughter, butterbeer, a rather incredible four tiered cake that Mrs Weasley had so lovingly made, and of course, a display of fireworks arranged by the birthday twins themselves.

No one celebrated Fred and George Weasley like Fred and George Weasley.

After the fireworks died down and the bugs started to come out, everyone made their way inside and sat around the living room, telling stories that made your stomach and cheeks hurt from laughing so hard.

You were comfortably situated on the soft carpet, resting your back against the couch and between Fred’s legs, who was playing with your hair and running his fingers along the back of your neck every now and then, distracting you from the conversation entirely. He was being incredibly subtle and cheeky, and you knew he was doing it on purpose.

“Could never look at a spider the same way,” everyone in the room laughed as Ron recalled his story of Fred traumatizing him as a child. A story that you had heard countless times but cracked you up nonetheless.

“Doesn’t beat the time George put blue hair dye in my shampoo,” Bill raised his eyebrows as if challenging Ron’s story, a laugh bubbling in your chest as you leaned your head back against Fred’s hand, the soothing feeling of his hands in your hair was causing your head to become heavy. That, and the more physical contact you could get with him, the better.

“Reckon you looked better with blue hair, mate,” Fred piped up, pointing to his twin across the room, “One of Georgie’s best works.”

“Why, thank you,” George placed his hand over his heart, “But I think I outdid myself later that week when I put green hair dye in Ginny’s shampoo. Never seen her as livid.”

You watched in amusement as the siblings around the room argued about old pranks, before sitting up and deciding to take a seat on the couch instead, where you could lean into Fred’s side instead. His arms wrapped around you, placing a quick kiss to your temple before turning his attention back to his family, his hand toying with hem of your dress.

You hummed silently, feeling perfectly at bliss, enjoying the chatter of the family until the party died down.

Bill and Fleur were the first to leave, soon followed by Charlie, then Percy, then Harry and Ginny. You could tell by the way Fred’s hands seemed to linger over your body when no one was looking that he was becoming eager to leave as well.

“Ready?” he mumbled in your ear, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind, goosebumps rising on your skin at his touch.

“Fine, we’ll go say bye to your family,” you spun around, tapping him lightly on the nose and grinning at his pleased expression, pulling away and leading the two of you back into the living room after saying by to Ginny and Harry at the door.

“Finally,” he chuckled, “Drivin’ me mad, love.”

Fighting the blush that was threatening to rise, you walked back into the living room where the remainder of his family was sitting around, enjoying each other’s company and conversing in small talk.

As much as you’d love to sit around and continue chatting, the bed at home was calling yours and Fred’s names and you weren’t sure how much longer you could wait.

“We’re gonna head out too,” Fred wrapped his arm around your waist, “she’s got early work tomorrow and isn’t feeling too great.”

You wanted so badly to turn and scowl at him for his ridiculous lie, but you kept a straight face and poked him in the side, out of view of his family. He jumped slightly, a smirk etching his way onto his overly proud face.

“Hope you feel better dear,” Molly Weasley hopped off the couch and made her way towards you, pulling you into a hug and then moving on to Fred, “Happy birthday, Freddie.”

Arthur, George, Ron and Hermione came over to bid you both a goodbye as well, each hugging and wishing to see you both again soon. The whole time you were planning the next get together, Fred’s hand moved lower and lower down your back, showing his impatience.

“Right, goodnight,” Fred said quickly once silence had overcome the room, grabbing your hand and apparating back to your cozy apartment.

You lost your balance at the sudden change in scenery, not expecting him to take you away so soon. You were nearly certain Arthur Weasley was about to say something before you two disappeared.

“Well, you took off rather quickly,” you smirked, removing your shoes and walking over to place them by the front door where Fred was doing the same, quickly undoing the laces as if his shoes were on fire.

Patience was never his strong suit.

“Had other engagements to attend,” he stood up straight after both your shoes had been removed, wrapping his arms around your waist and tossing you over his shoulder, your hair falling loosely and the blood rushing to your head as you laughed.

He quickly took off towards the bedroom, throwing you down on the bed as you continued laughing, clearly enjoying how riled up he was. It was true, you did the love the fact that you had such a strong effect on Fred without even putting that much of an effort. He was putty in your hands, as you were in his.

He unbuttoned his dress shirt, discarding it to the side and leaning over you, lips pressing up against yours with all the passion and lust that had been building up throughout the evening. His hands were warm as the grasped your hips, moving down to play with the hem of your dress, his lips still moving against yours.

Any and all thoughts you had were pushed out of your mind and your entire body was consumed by him — his touch, his kiss, his smell. He was intoxicating in every aspect and you couldn’t get enough.

“You’re too dressed for my liking,” he mumbled against your lips, hands moving up from the hem and sliding up your back, pulling you off the bed so he could reach the zipper and slowly pull it down, the cool air hitting your skin stimulating your senses and speeding up the beating of your heart.

“Impatient, are we?” you smirked, your hands roaming his bare chest and pressing your body up against his, absolutely loving the contact.

“Course. It’s my birthday,” he shrugged, lifting you up and placing you back down on the bed now that your dress was completely forgotten on the door, “Which means tonight, I have you all to myself.”

[degeneratekitten]

The reeducation of a King

!!!WARNING!!! Read the tags before continuing. If any of the tags upset you then you probably wont like it when it happens in the story.

This story was one of the first asks I got, I started it, but never finished, so here we go.

The woman in front of you looked incredibly tired. She had bags under her eyes, her skin was pale, and she looked like she was on the verge of a mental breakdown. Truthfully you had yet to even inform her that the King Lamia she had rescued off the street was classified more as a hunting type bitty. She’d been under the assumption, like many people who came to you with rescues, that all bitties could be kept like pets.

“So he’s gotten possessive of you, and he started trying to control your life?” You questioned making sure that you’d gotten her story straight.

“Yes!” She sighed, looking almost on the verge of tears. “I had to slip tranquilizers in his food so I could come here! He goes absolutely berserk if I leave his sight for even a moment, and he refuses to let me decide where we go!” She cried, soundly more and more like an abused spouse than a distraught pet owner. To be fair, this was an abusive relationship, one you would be more than willing to remedy. “He also always tries to tell me what kind of underwear I should wear and gets mad when I don't wear them!”

“That's very troubling.” You nodded, before inquiring about an important question. “How was it that he got so much control over you?”

The woman opened her mouth to answer only to snap her mouth shut again in a frown. She didn't seem to have an answer.

“I… I can't remember…” She mused, before continuing. “I guess I didn't realize it at first, but over time he just got worse and worse, and somehow he convinced me that it would all be ok if I did this, or that. He started getting threatening, baring his teeth whenever I even suggested doing something he didn't want. I was afraid he’d somehow escape his cage at night and kill me, so I just did what he wanted. I figured this was just a part of rescuing bitties. It wasn't until last week when he started to demand I stop seeing my mother that I realized how weird everything was. He’s a pet, not a boyfriend, and I won’t be controlled by a pet!” She stated, seeming to come to a firm resolution in her own mind.

You nodded at her. “I see, so I think I know how this all started. “ You smiled, giving the woman a look that seemed to calm her down.

“What?” She asked, fully invested in what you were going to say.

“You see, bitties are separated into two different types, ones that are pets, and others that are meant for more, violent situations. Lamia’s with venom are generally meant to be either guards, or exterminators. Your King is the former. His breed was designed to protect an owner, staying vigilant for all threats both physical and mental. Where this all went wrong is because your King was born and bred in the wild, where a lot of the original designs and personalities of bitties have changed.” The woman looked incredibly interested in what you were saying. Fully invested and curious, you loved customers like this.

“So his idea of protection involves being controlling?” She asked just waiting for you to elaborate.

“Yes and no. His ideas about protection are skewed more in favor of breeding. If he has a partner he has to hide them away so they can't get taken by another bitty or human. He has to provide everything for them then, food, shelter, warmth, stimulation, everything. The problem with a lot of bitties in recent generations is that their predisposition to be reliant on humans still applies even when they’re experiencing sexual urges. They expect and crave for their human owners to satisfy them sexually alongside everything else.” You watched as the woman's face twisted in disgust.

“Wait, so you’re saying that hes trying to fuck me?” She yelled, grossed out and shivered slightly. 

“In short, yes, he wants to fuck you.” You deadpanned watching as the woman hugged herself.

“That's so messed up!” She exclaimed, which made you chuckle.

“I agree, but magic is weird, and magical constructs with origins like bitties are even weirder. But anyways, there is a way to fix this. A way to uncross his wires so to say, and make him desire other bitties rather than you. Which in turn should ease a lot of the behavior towards you. After I do that he should be more receptive to my traditional training in learning how to act more in line with the original king lamia’s.” You finished, watching as relief seemed to wash over the woman.

“So what needs to be done to uncross those wires?” She asked, to which you chuckled. 

“Get him a mate.” You stated watching as the woman seemed to balk a little at how simple your answer was.

“Wait! It's that simple?! I could have done that myself.” She asked sitting up straight, shocked and a little giddy at the prospect. You laughed with her.

“Well, kind of, unfortunately if you get involved in the process and give him a new mate, he’d take it as a sign that he needs to fight the other bitty to mate with you. It’s better to let a third party do the introduction.”

“Oh… Well, if it gets him to stop wanting to fuck me I’m more than willing.” She smiled, seeming to realize that a huge weight was being lifted from her shoulder.

“So when can we start?” She added, looking at you with hope.

“Well first we have to pick out a new mate.”

-----

You’d gone over potential mates and your rates with the woman for the rest of the visit. You’d mentioned that a cherry would probably be best for the King, as they were incredibly meek and in need of the amount of attention that this particular King was ready to give, plus they weren't lamia so the chance of breeding while already small, was nearly impossible. The woman was excited over the idea, as she wanted a pet who was easier to cuddle with as opposed to her King who she had to keep far away from her sleeping arrangements. 

You’d made sure to explain fully to her why although she had the best of intentions, King’s were not traditionally pets, and she needed to treat him accordingly. She could keep him as part of her family and give him a better home off the streets, but she needed to be careful not to let him take charge of her life anymore as next time he probably would kill her. She ended up taking this to heart, nodding her head as you led her to the door. 

“I’ll make sure I read more on how I’m supposed to handle him.” She promised, leaving in her car. You’d set a date for that weekend to go and pick up the King, you needed a few days to get a suitable cherry and set up an area in which you could do everything that needed to be done.

---

Meeting the King in question, Moriarty, as he had aptly named himself, was an occasion that was sure to be violent. You had a thick jumpsuit on, with extra layers covering your arms and legs, combat boots your husband had bought you just for these situations, and heavy duty handling gloves on so he couldn’t bite you. You had some safety goggles on as well in case he tried to spit at you, and even your neck was covered by a long collar from your jumpsuit. You didn't take any chances with violent venomous lamia’s especially ones who had reason to believe that you were a threat. You’d nearly lost your brother that way when he’d insisted on trying to calm a venomous lamia without gear. He’d been in the hospital for two weeks and aptly served as yet another reminder that protection bitties were not to be taken lightly.

Your husband was dressed beside you in a similar getup, and he had insisted on taking at least one Squadron bitty with the two of you, said bitty was currently standing at military attention waiting for you to give him orders. He wore camo like most squadron bitties, with a black shirt, ripped off sleeves, a pair of smaller dog tags and miniature combat boots and a knife. He didn't have his ecto flesh summoned so his outfit was a little baggy. His dark green eyelights were focused on you, while his arms were situated behind his back.

You had planned to use magic if things got too bad, but it was always good to have a backup plan.

Squadrons were very similar to Edgies in terms of vocabulary and humor, the only real difference being that they were never overtly hostile to anyone outside of combat. They made dirty jokes all the time and cursed like sailors, but never called you cunt or assface unless they were set out to kill you.

“I’ll need you to stay outside until we give you a signal.” You said to the bitty, watching as he gave a toothsome grin and saluted you in response.

“Just gimmie da signal an I’ll rip em up ma'am.” He replied, forgoing his usual vulgar vocabulary in lieu of a more respectful tone. He gave you a nod as well to tell you not to worry about him and you turned towards your husband with a pleased expression.

“You said this is your best one so far? I’m impressed! He didn't even cuss at me!” You praised watching your husband's face light up.

“Yeah, he used to cuss more than the others but I straightened him out real quick, nothing a little friendly competition couldn't solve.”

Chuckling you turned your attention back towards the door again, and steeling yourself for the worst you knocked on the door. Hopefully she’d managed to tranquilize her king.

“Hello! We’re here today for Miss Shelby! We’re here to pick up the package like we discussed yesterday.

“*GASP* MOTHER! HOW DARE YOU! I TOLD YOU NOT TO GO OUTSIDE! YOU DISOBEYED ME!” You heard the loud, unmistakable shriek of the problematic bitty then a mumble in response before there was a loud crash and the shriek of a woman. Worried that maybe the King had gotten more violent, you tested the doorknob, relieved to find it unlocked.

“Hello, Miss Shelby! I’m coming in!” You shouted, before bursting into the home.

What you saw caused adrenaline to surge through you.

The king in question was wrapped tightly around Shelby’s arm, hood spread out,tail swishing agitated, and teeth bared. He was on the verge of attacking.

Looking at Shelby you could tell how nervous, how terrified she was as she stared at the King’s teeth. You noticed that a plate of noodles lay shattered on the floor.

“Oh thank god.” Shelby breathed out, relieved to see you.

“WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE! BARGING IN HERE! MOTHER TELL THEM TO LEAVE!” The king hissed, moving itself so he was partially wrapped around Shelby’s neck, he had placed himself right next to Shelby’s ear with his teeth still bared and from what you could tell, his fangs were already secreting venom. He was very ready to bite.

“M-m-m-mori! She’s a guest, I invited her over for dinner!” Shelby tried to explain, earning herself a shriek in the ear.

“I DIDN'T GIVE PERMISSION FOR THAT! WE AREN'T ACCEPTING COMPANY! TELL HER TO LEAVE!” Moriarty screeched, tail seeming to tighten around her neck.

Shelby moved to try and loosen the tail only to earn a menacing hiss from the king, your eyes widened a bit as you tried to think of the best course of action. 

Moving towards her would probably cause him to tighten his grip, talking could yield good results but with how agitated he was it would probably only buy you time before he bit her. Maybe if you challenged him he would take the bait, but you couldn't do that if you wanted him to respond to you in training.

Suddenly you were incredibly glad that your husband had insisted on bringing a squadron bitty. The king would probably never see it again, and it would leave you in a neutral position from which to train the king.

You clicked your tongue at the king, not making any sudden movement, he hissed at the sound, and seemed to be hyper focused on you, before its attention snapped to the door, as a bulked up squadron bitty stormed in.

“The fuck is this cunt ordering ya round for!?” The squadron bitty bellowed, he was still minimal size, but you yourself knew better than to underestimate him.

“WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS! LEAVE MY TERRITORY AT ONCE INSOLENT CRETIN!” The King hissed, attention snapping to the other bitty.

Shaking your head, you looked at the little squadron bitty and gave a firm order. “Nothing crazy.” You stated, watching as he frowned in displeasure.

“Fuckin fine. Yer not a lot a fun are ya.” He stated as he stepped forward, chest puffing out as he readied himself for a fight.

“FIGHT ME BITCH!” He screeched out simply at the king, using the most direct way in which to challenge the king.

Taking the bait immediately, the King slithered down in front of his owner, hood spread, and fangs dripping poison. You took a step back, and whispered at Shelby to slowly back away.

There wasn't much of a fight, the King lunged and ended up shot by a tranquilizer as the Squadron bitty jumped out of the way for your husband to get a clear shot of the King’s hood. 

You’d had these instant magic tranquilizers well before the pure bite incident, but they simply did not work on large bitties, they were meant for smaller bitties, and were tested extensively to work instantly said bitties. 

There was no need for an actual fight, and really the simplest solutions were generally the best. You nodded at the Squadron bitty, as he immediately made to restrain the King bitty and brought him over to you, where you put a special muzzle on its skull. After which the squadron dragged it by the tail to a pre-prepared cage.

Having completed your business, you turned towards Shelby, noticing how shocked she seemed. It wasn't uncommon, people tended to be shocked when the people, or “pets” in this instance, that had been tormenting them were taken down. You took the lead, grabbing a shock blanket that you had also, prepared ahead of time and wrapping it around her.

“Do you want me to call someone for you?” You asked, as you secretly examined her for any bites or cuts. Luckily the only injuries she had were bruises from where the king had squeezed her arm too tightly.

Shelby nodded dumbly at you, before grabbing her phone and scanning her finger to unlock it. “Could you… Call my mother… I was too scared to have her over before.” She said, then plopping down in a nearby seat.

You nodded at her. “I’ll wait with you until she gets here.” You said, before pressing the call button on the phone.

---

The very first step in rehabilitating the King wasn’t to immediately jump into training. It was a little different from that. You’d brought your client over after she’d calmed down in order for her to pick out one of the Cherries you’d set aside for the King. You’d set aside 5 of them, not that it really made much of a difference as they were all crying at the prospect of meeting someone new. Most bitties were identical, luckily there were” some notable differences between these cherries, mutations weren’t always bad.

The customer came in, and almost immediately grimaced at the crying Cherries. You’d warned her that they were high maintenance pets, but also assured her that with a King around a lot of the more intolerable aspects would almost certainly be enjoyed by the King.

She did however warm up to the Cherries after a little play time, and after finding out that one of the Cherries enjoyed eating literally ANYTHING, she picked that one in a heartbeat. She stated that she loved cooking new things and someone to enjoy new things with was something she struggled with.

After that she bonded for a short while, she left, she had wanted to hear the cherry say “mommy” before leaving but you insisted that that was a TERRIBLE idea.

After she left, you shoved a heat inducing gummy down a screaming Cherries throat and quite literally threw him into the pen with the King. If you heard hysterical pleas for help, and screams to “shut up slut.” You ignored them, that would sort itself out naturally.

---

You monitored the situation between the King and Cherry loosely. It went exactly as you expected it to. The King violently fucked the Cherry, while the Cherry simultaneously cried for more and pleaded for it to stop at the same time. 

By the end of the week long fuck fest there were no more pleas for stopping, only begging for more. Until finally, the King had firmly marked the Cherry as its own, and was holding it close and whispering as sweet of compliments as it could muster. The Cherry was crying, as usual, but at the offer of food it had accepted the King as its mate. 

You waited another week, allowing the King to thoroughly fuss over the Cherry and fuck away its excess of aggression, before entering the pen. You entered with food, eyeing the King to make sure he didn't pounce. He has significantly calmed down, instead of hissing and threatening he stared at you warily while he held his wide eyed mate close. You set the food down, and nodded.

“I see you enjoy the mate I’ve prepared for you.” You stated, watching as the King’s head tilted to the side as he questioned the implications of that statement.

You left before he could question you. Letting the tranquilizers in the food take effect before you went to collect your newest project.

---

The King awoke in a cage alone while a hysterical Cherry cried as it reached out to him from a cage opposite of him.

You didn't have gloves on as you opened the cage of the Cherry, and you would never admit to smiling at the reaction of the King as you roughly handled the Cherry.

“RELEASSSSSSE MY MATE AT ONCE INSSSSSOLENT HUMAN!” He hissed, utterly incensed at the handling of his new mate. You shook your head, and placed the Cherry on a table, he cowered into your hand, hiding his face as he reached for his mate, but at the same time he still recognized you as a human to trust, you’d bottle fed him after all.

“Ppp-please I want to be with Mori.” He pleaded with you hugging your thumb as his tears colored the edge of his sockets.

You replied softly. “I know, but we have to correct some of his behavior first.” You replied as you shook him off.

He landed on his behind, more tears welling up in his eyes. Before you grabbed a shock collar, and placed it around the neck of the Cherry.

“What’s this’ moAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!” You wasted absolutely no time in shocking the Cherry, watching as its tears pooled on the table, and pissed soaked down its bare legs. The king had thoroughly destroyed any clothing that had been on the Cherry in its vigor. You could make out the small cuts on its form, the first few days had been incredibly rough in terms of sex, not enough to kill the Cherry, but certainly enough that you wondered why it wasnt terrified of the King.

The Cherry flopped on the table, while you looked at the King who’s hood was spread as he hissed, spit and thrashed about in his cage. It was bolted down so there was no way for him to tip it, but it was still quite the sight.

Nodding in satisfaction you placed the sobbing Cherry back in his cage across from the King, where he reached out desperately towards the Cherry intent on comfort, even if that wasn’t his strong suit.

“RELEASSSSE ME AT ONCCCCE! I MUSST COMFORT MY MATE!” He screeched at the same time trying to thrash his tail to strike out at you.

“No comfort will come to your Cherry until we have fixed your behaviors.” You hummed, as you pulled on thick arm coverings and gloves. You approached the King’s cage and unlatched it, grasping around the King’s throat as he attempted to bite your outstretched hand through the gloves. A calculated move in order to direct him as you pleased. 

You wrestled with the King for a while, rolling your eyes and smashing him against the table as he refused to loosen his bite. The King went limp for just a moment while you strapped him to the table with special restraints. His skull wasn't even cracked as you’d gone easy on him, it also helped that his breed was tougher than the pet variety. 

Being strapped down by his neck made the king easier to handle, even when he snapped out of his daze and began to thrash again, this time though without the threat of fangs. It was easy for you to pin down his tail and arms down long enough to strap them to the table. 

This was all just a show of force, to prove that she could do whatever she wanted to his mate, and he could do nothing about it. She needed him as violent as possible in response to threats to his mate, she needed him to stall in relation to his street taught values, if only so she could delete them.

You finished strapping him to the table, and picked up the remote to your mini shock collar, pausing for a moment and wondering if you should maybe start with pulling teeth first. However you needed a far more compliant King than you had currently, and it helped that the Cherry’s cries were beginning to grate on your nerves.

Looking over at the Cherry you sighed, it was still crying, smelly and pitiful as it cowered in the corner furthest from you and the King, too petrified of the violence to move. You waved the button in front of the king who hissed at the sight.

“DO NOT HARM MY MATE YOU WORTHLESSSSSS HUMAN!” He screeched, as you shook your head and pressed the button. As expected the sight of his mate in pain sent him into a frenzy, he spit, while you mocked him for his inability to do anything. You approached the cage of the Cherry intent on subduing the King in the most effective way possible.

“NOOOOOOO!” The King continued to screech. While the Cherry recovered from the shock cowered and begged for you not to hurt him. Of course, that wouldn't happen.

You carefully took the soiled Cherry out of his cage once more, and placed him next to the King, the King seemed to calm as the Cherry strained for its mate. You let them reunite for a moment, if only to grab a bitty sized dental gag and pry the King's mouth open. Once successful, despite the Cherry’s begging. You once more picked up the Cherry, and placed his hand into the King’s mouth, before carefully pricking him with the King’s fangs. 

The unholy screech of the King was nothing like the ones before. His venom was incredibly effective, and on a creature as small as the Cherry its effect was seen immediately. 

Pale faced and beginning to flush redder than normal, the Cherries tears became more frantic. He blubbered the same as normal as he tried to free himself from your grasp. Plopping him next to the King you pressed the button of the shock collar again and held. Looking the King straight in the eyes as it began to cry red tears. There was no understanding past the dental gag. But you knew well enough what was going on. A sinister smile graced your lips as you turned away from the king, taking the Cherry with you as you left the room. As far as the King knew, his mate was dead, dead by its own hand.

---

You returned shortly, having cured the Cherry from the King’s venom and stalled it in order to erase its memory of the training. Standard practice for once a bitty had been fully trained, the training would remain while the memory did not, no risk of blabbing to customers who really had no idea what was happening. It was necessary as while you trained the King the Cherry would bond with its new mother.

The King was still sobbing as you returned, and you used the lack of struggle to your advantage.

“It's a shame he had to die because of you.” You egged on, watching as the King seemed to deflate even further. You took that moment to put on your gloves and remove the restraints. The King didn't attack, and your smile was as venomous as the King as you removed the dental gag.

“WHY?” The King asked, and you couldn't help but chuckle, as you started to stroke its head soothingly, as you spit out harsh words. “That's because you are a bad bitty. A horrible protector.” The king flinched at that but immediately you turned it around. “But still so brave, and handsome.” Of course, the contrary information stilled the King, stalling him, and allowing you to reach for his AI, and stroke it. His eyelights buzzed a little, as you wiped away his need to monopolize his mate, his “charges.” There was of course more work to be done, but he would be too grief stricken to struggle. Just the way you needed him. You supposed it was about time to pull out some teeth.

---

By the time your bitty behavioral therapy was done, the King was a model example of a protection bitty. He was still a horribly bossy creature, but he no longer insisted on isolating his charges or displayed sexual desires outside of for his mate. He focused entirely on “protecting” and only grew violent when there was sufficient threat.

Meanwhile, the Cherry had not stopped crying for his mate until he met his new mother. He was of course still sad, but as most pet variety bitties are ought to do, the introduction of a new mommy or daddy tends to cheer them up instantly. Which was good, as the Chery, newly dubbed Sebastian, had sufficient time to bond with his new mother without the interference of a mate. The client learned easily to care for a Cherry, while also undergoing coaching from the rancher in order to be an effective King owner. 

On the day that the King was to return to his owners care. The owner had been nervous, she had lost confidence in owning bitties, and while Sebastian had helped, it still did not erase the nervousness she felt even after 2 months.

“I’m not sure about taking him back.” She stated, holding the Cherry close to her heart, he was as usual, teary eyed, but at the words of his owner, he burst into hysterics.

“Nooo!!! Mommy please I want Mori back! Please let me see Mori!” He begged, rubbing his snot covered face into her shirt. The owner seemed to deflate at this, and sighed, rubbing her Cherries back in reassurance. While you marveled at the fact that he was still suffering from some sort of stockholm syndrome.

“We’ll just have to see for now.” She said, and looked at you for reassurance. 

“You really don't have to worry.” You replied, voice chipper. “He’s nothing like he was before, you’ll be safer with him now than you would be without. He’s a model King, the perfect guard for any home.” You made your way towards the back noting the wariness of your client, but you stood by what you said, Moriarty was a model King, with all the coaching you’d given Shelby there was no reason to worry anymore.

Making your way into the back you spotted Moriarty in his enclosure, he was sunning himself as you approached. There was no sign of pulled teeth, skinned tails, or broken bones anywhere on him, and he only flinched slightly at the sound of your voice.

“Your mothers ready to see you now.” You sang watching the King light up and practically shoot to your outstretched arm. He curled himself around your arm, vibrating with anticipation at the prospect of seeing his mother again. You hummed in satisfaction as you made your way back to where Shelby was waiting.

The Cherry fell to the floor as he threw himself out of his mothers arms, he fell with a thwack, chanting Mori as he ran to you. The King very nearly pounced at the Cherry, he had tears in his eyes and seemed shocked and elated to see his mate. Although the Cherry's supposed ‘death’ had been erased from his mind he still had thought his mate dead, thus the tears. Before he could rush to his mate you held your hand up. “Stop.” You commanded, preventing the King who was practically vibrating from going to his mate. He was restless and voiced his immense displeasure. “YOU MUST LET ME GO SEE IF MY MATE IS HARMED!” He practically screeched into your ear, but still stayed still, causing Shelby’s eyes to widen in shock. She would have never imagined that the previously unruly and violent King would become so obedient, even if he was still incredibly bossy.

The Cherry at your feet practically hugged your leg as he cried and pleaded for his mate to come to him, you stopped walking forward before your punted him across the room, and smiled warmly at Shelby even as Moriarty squirmed on your shoulders as he looked between his mate and his mother, frustration growing as he stayed put, as you were gesturing for him to.

The cries of the Cherry became background noise as you spoke to Shelby. “As you can see, he’s fully trained now. All you need to do is handle him like I taught you and he’ll respond appropriately.”

“YOU MUST LET ME DOWN NOW!” The king snapped, as he crossed his arms, still waiting for permission. Nothing could change his bossy tone, but he still could be trained to behave.

Your customer sputtered for a bit, before she seemed to snap out of it. “Oh… Um… Yes… Come here.” She said, and gestured with her hands as you’d taught her for her previously unruly King to come.

The response was instant, he practically lept from your arm, disregarding the Cherry, albeit patting him on the head as he passed, and basically leapt into the outstretched hand that his ‘mother’ had out for him. He practically purred at the contact with his ‘mother’, nuzzling her arm affectionately as he hugged her arm, shocking her while at the same time earning a smile.

“I AM VERY CROSS WITH YOU MOTHER! YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH I MISSED YOU!” The King stated, holding on firmly to his mothers arms as he stared longingly at the crying Cherry that was running and trying to climb up his mothers leg.

“I can see that.” She answered, smile wide and tears coloring the side of her eyes.

“NOW I MUST INSIST THAT WE COMFORT MY MATE!” He screeched, looking down at Sebastian with longing. Which in turn caused his owner to laugh and reach down to pick up the crying Cherry.

“There we go, the whole family’s together, Sebastian, Moriarty and mommy!” She cried, sniffling as Moriarty kissed the forehead of his crying mate.

“Thank you so much!” She cried, as she walked over to you and shook your hand. “I can’t believe how much he’s changed! Thank you! I can’t thank you enough!” 

Grinning ear to ear, you replied. “Really, it was my pleasure.”

[dangermousie]

I can’t believe I am about to say it but I hate read the entirety of Fei Pin Ying Qiang. I am a speed reader who skimmed the harem drama (which luckily went away after chapter 20 or so and transformed into a normal war/court intrigue set up) so it didn’t take long but I don’t think I can respect myself in the morning.

Unsurprisingly, ML remained a turd until the end - sure he became faithful to MC and only loved him, only slept with him blah blah blah but that translator note from chapter 60 something of chapter 70 something novel about sums up my problem with him. If his legal consort didn’t go nuts and tried to drug him, he’s still make her empress, love or no love for MC. Realistic? Yeah. Shippable? Fuck no. The fact that he manages to ram through his marriage to MC at the end despite court opposition and his crazy mom trying to take over the throne is supposed to be impressive and the fact that he actually came to fetch his spouse by himself and they went riding through the streets in lurve is supposed to be swoony but all I could think of was the above moment and it utterly ruined any supposed epicness. That moment is like the perfect antidote to any shippy tendencies one might ever have.

This said, thankfully I ended up OK with MC’s ultimate fate - being with ML got him status and title, more importantly he got the job and duties of an official that he liked and did well (and got consistently promoted in and even now he’s the male empress will clearly be continuing in), he got to study, make friends (the only relationship that ever gave me the warm fuzzies in the entire novel was the friendship between MC and Ji Huan, ML’s former consort who peaced out at the beginning and became an official), kill a few enemies on the battlefield, travel around, adapt a gaggle of kids he likes, and most importantly got to be secure in himself, quick witted and able to go toe to toe in the court. He is a happy, busy dude using his talents. Also while the fade to black scenes are fade to black, it’s pretty clear the sex is good.

So ultimately, while I think ML is, as I said, a turd and I don’t get what MC sees in him, MC ain’t the first one to marry a disappointing man who he is too good for. At least this one got him an education, cool job, power, wealth and fun bedtimes out of it and not just three kids and a double wide trailer.

MC ended up happy and I ended up happy for him, so I guess the novel is off my hit list, but honestly unless the other option is a food label or 19th century religious tract (or you are a perverse masochist like me), I do not recommend.

[94monkeys]

November, December and January were the worst months of my life that started out as the best months of my life. I am better, but I’m still not okay.

CW: death (not mine), medical stuff (no gore), emergency room experience

The first week of November was the election we’d been building up to, frankly, 4 years. I was basically eating, sleeping, breathing work from mid-August until the election, and then for several days after until we got the result that we wanted.

The second week in November, I found out I was pregnant. We were shocked and thrilled. (It was intentional but it was still, like, surprising that it actually worked???)

Turn back now because it only gets worse from here.

The third week in November, I find out I’m getting laid off. I was given a lot of reasons, none of which made sense, but basically a casualty of office politics way over my head. I was told that it wasn’t performance related, but it still felt brutal to have to do this after pouring myself into work. I’ve been laid off before, and it’s always a cold experience. You remember that your company only cares about you to a degree, and at the end of the day, they will always protect themselves and not you. I personally don’t understand why you would replace a professional with two part-time dilettantes on your public facing communications BUT ANYWAY!

I was asked to stay through the beginning of January and I accepted.

The fourth week in November was Thanksgiving. We were home about to make dinner for 2 (COVID). During the day, I started to feel sick and crampy. I called the urgent care nurse line and they told me to go to the ER. I live very close to a hospital, so I literally packed my biggest warmest sweatshirt and a book and walked there, leaving my spouse and the turkey still in the oven (luckily that was his purview anyway).

The ER was, surprisingly, very quiet. I was there for about 4 hours while they ran various tests on me. (They had to call a specialist in from their Thanksgiving dinner, which I felt terrible about.) Ultimately, they could not determine whether I had miscarried or not, so they sent me home with instructions to take it easy and to go in for more testing.

In December I had a doctor’s appointment where they confirmed that I was not pregnant any more. (The tech was very cold and impersonal… I was crying on the ultrasound table. I know that it was so early, but I was crying for myself and my spouse and the dreams we had invested that never came to be. I was sad because this was our first time, and it was so terrible, and we won’t ever have a first one.)

They flagged something in my blood tests that was troubling, so they ordered regular testing. I was going in about 3 times a week for blood draws. Luckily I’m not scared of needles so it was more annoying than anything.

I was also applying to and interviewing for jobs (without success) and also still working at my job where I felt literally invisible. It was a really dark time. I don’t know how else to describe it. I don’t know how I got out of bed every day. It felt like everything in my life had just collapsed at once. I didn’t feel unwell, but it was just like a big weight dragging me down all the time.

In the 3rd week of December, I had another ultrasound and then met with a new to me doctor, I’ll call her Dr. S. I had been going along with all the additional bloodwork, but I was starting to push back on why it was necessary.

It was a Friday afternoon when Dr. S met with me and said: We think that you have an ectopic pregnancy. I didn’t know, but I would soon learn that this was a pregnancy that was not in the right place, would not grow, but could rupture and kill me. She recommended surgery to address it.

Okay, I said. I had the next week off, so I assumed it would be either that week, or in January while I was funemployed (but still had my good health insurance).

I was thinking this weekend, said Dr. S.

So it was that I went to a Friday doctor’s appointment and found myself signing into surgery on Saturday morning.

It was my first ever surgery with anesthesia, and everyone took great care of me, but it was still EXTREMELY disconcerting. I had laparoscopic surgery so I only have 2 teeny scars, but I was in a lot of pain and confused when I woke up.

Work was closed all week, so I basically spent the whole week sitting in 1 chair in my apartment either watching movies or reading. I didn’t want to get into all the details with people, because a) 2020 was already so… 2020, b) I was still nominally job-hunting and I didn’t want to give anyone a dumb surface reason not to hire me or make them think I was a pregnancy flight risk (I love being a woman of a certain age!), c) I just didn’t want to talk about it. On the other hand, almost no one at work checked on me. I found their treatment very cold, again.

In January I put myself together for my last week at work, we had the runoff elections, we had the coup. I had my surgery follow-up where it was confirmed that it was an ectopic pregnancy. That was my January: medical follow-ups, but at least I don’t have to schedule them around the job I no longer have!  

WHEW. If you’ve gotten this far, thank you for hearing me. I have since gotten a new job working on communications for politics, but also nonprofits and city agencies. My stress has been cut by probably 70 percent. In my job I’m doing a lot more writing, which is probably what enabled me to write this long overdue update with most of everything in it.

We are starting to explore our fertility options. I had a doctor that really catastrophized me in terms of how intense we need to go about it, but likely we will start slowly and see how it goes. They still don’t know why I had an ectopic (and probably won’t figure out), but I am at higher risk of having another one, so any potential pregnancy will involve a lot of testing and monitoring. That’s why we haven’t “started” “trying” again, because there are tests and there is my new job and so on. I had a hysterosalpingogram, which you should definitely Google if you’re not squeamish. (It didn’t hurt but it was totally weird!)

I am better, but I’m not OK. I’m still mad about everything that happened to me. There are moments when I get catapulted back to my surgery and everything, and I completely freeze. I just got my doctors’ records from November and December (which I had to pay $35 for!!! MY OWN RECORDS) and even though I didn’t learn anything new from reading those records, I still had a lot of emotional trouble processing what happened. It’s weird that so many of them start by noting that the patient was “not in acute distress.” Must be an automatic fill-in because that doesn’t match what I was feeling ever!!!

Dr. S literally saved my life and I think what was not clear to me at the time, because I was still mourning what could have been, is that I am still here. I am more than everything that happened to me. 

I am looking for a new therapist and I am trying to look on the bright side. Unfortunately, one of my oldest friends in the world endured a similar health issue back in January; fortunately, we are each other’s best comfort because I know she won’t judge me. This summer may bring good news on this front or maybe not, but at least vaccinated we can do more than we have been able to do (picnics in the park! Visits to family!) I have to believe my luck is turning. It’s how I get by.

[shinwoonoh]

itsay ep4 spoilers and thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i just need to talk about teh ok? and my own experiences about being queer and being asian.

first of all, if you’re reading this and have watched ep 4, are you okay? please go drink some water because i know you cried.

anyway, now that we’re hydrated rofl i just want to talk about teh and how much he means to me and how much of his story hits so close to home. i also want to disclaimer that my thoughts in this post are very much coming from my individual experience growing up in canada, being asian (not thai) and being queer. so if you disagree, that’s okay.

teh’s struggle with coming to terms with his sexuality is more than what i’m actually going to talk about. there’s so much but i’m just going to focus specifically on family, coming out, and the unique cultural differences within that. 

we know teh’s mother loves him. one might even think, yeah, she absolutely would still love him if he told her he was in love with a boy. but teh’s mother is this very familiar, very specific character i see in my own life: the proud asian mother with not one, but two sons!

i also see those little jabs made at teh by his mother: when teh comes back from his audition and the celebration isn’t actually for him, but for hoon. teh telling oh-aew that everything hoon did was always just better in his mother’s eyes until she saw yongjian and thought he could be an actor. hoon bringing home nozomi. and then, the kicker, when teh’s mother, whilst crying and angry, asks why teh can’t be like his brother?

there is absolutely a responsibility that teh knows he has to his mother. to be a good son. and it’s not like his mother doesn’t love him. it’s just that he can’t do that if he doesn’t get into uni or if he’s gay.

so it hurt me so much when tarn said, “you don’t have to apologize to me. you have to apologize to your mae.” and when teh realized what he had done was so so so stupid when his mother had said, “but what if you don’t get in? what then?”

because he fucking tried. in a twisted, convoluted way, he tried to satisfy everything he thought he had to satisfy. he was confident enough that he’d get in through admissions and in turn, would still be his mother’s son who got into uni. so he gave up his spot for oh-aew because he wanted to help oh-aew, loves oh-aew. and maybe, maybe, that way, he could be with him.

so i guess what i’m trying to say is that it’s important to understand that the story itsay is conveying intersects with the cultural experience of being asian and also the expectations one might have in a family such as teh’s. there’s shame in doing things for yourself. it’s an idea that is common within certain asian cultures. it’s why sometimes, when i do things, i know my actions don’t only speak for myself, but also for my family.

i’ve heard my parents say this before: “the way you toh sang think is more individualistic” (translated poorly, toh sang in cantonese means born here. particularly, here as in north america.). and i’ve always never been completely comfortable with the whole sentiment of “be yourself! be who you are! don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!” because how? i just can’t see myself doing that because who i want to be is this mesh of what i’ve been taught to be growing up, what i want to be for my family and who i happen to be. they’re not the same but the same, all at the same time. they exist simultaneously even though, in all practicality, should not exist together. 

in simpler terms: i’m queer but i also know i can’t be if i want to be who i want to be for my family.

this is what i see when i watch teh. a boy who thinks/knows he has a very specific place in this world, who knows he has a family that loves and cherishes him (hoon, the silent understanding brother saving up money for teh’s tuition, his mom fussing over teh, bragging about him to her friends, her gift hung on the wall), and who he doesn’t want to let down. and it’s not as simple as, “if you told them, they’ll still love you.” that’s not enough to convince me to tell them and come out. it’s more than not having their love afterwards. it’s also, how can i be who i am and still claim to love my family? for teh, he’s probably thinking, is he deserving of their love after what he’s done? if they knew who he was? they’ve done so much for him already. who he is will just hurt them.

i think that’s one of the reasons why we see grown ass adult asians, hiring spouses for a day or a trip to see their family. it’s why we don’t marry and it’s why we move away. i want to be who i am, but i don’t want to hurt/disappoint/betray/dishonour my family. 

it’s a sad reality. but it’s one that exists and goes against the western belief that you have the right and the freedom to be who you are. i know i do. i know i have the choice. and it’s great and it’s amazing to see queer characters standing up for who they are, even if it means losing your family or friends who don’t agree and ultimately, “choosing love”. it’s commendable and it’s admirable. it’s what we all wish we could do.

but the sad reality is that, it’s not always the case. is choosing my family not choosing love too? why does it have to be either/or? i don’t have an answer or a good explanation for that. it’s just a thing that i think some of us experience but for which i am eternally grateful to see materialized on screen in itsay. 

anyway, i just want to say thank you to billkin for absolutely killing me in the last act of the episode. the way he cried... it hurt.