#so you get a much fuller understanding of each character and how each person interacts with everyone else

[fatalism-and-villainy]

Do you think he was ever in love with Bedelia like he was in love with Will? I ask this because Bedelia says they were both the "brides of Hannibal". But Hannibal never courted her like he did with Will, Bedelia came into Hannibal's life much before Will but he never pursued her like he did with Will. Mads said he wanted a future with Will unlike with other people he hooked up with Alana, Bedelia or Anthony. He took her to Italy as a consolation prize when Will betrayed him. Even in Italy H was pining about Will all the time and telling Bedelia how much he loves Will. I know he slept with Bedelia but he probably slept with Anthony too and he slept with Alana, Hannibal is a hedonistic guy who sleeps around. For him sleeping with someone doesn't mean he is in love with them. But when Will confronts Bedelia, she pretends as if Hannibal held them in the same regard which is obviously not true. Hannibal would choose Will over her in a heart beat and even she knows it but yet she acts as if Hannibal sees them both equally. I don't understand why? 😭 Why do you think?why make herself seem like a competition when she is not?

So, a few things.

To answer the first question - basically, no. I think the show is fairly clear on the fact that Bedelia wasn’t an adequate substitute for Will. (Though I will say that the question of whether or not X character was “really” “in love” with Y character, or - as I sometimes see people writing on, when they fell in love - is not particularly compelling or generative to me as a meta topic. Personally, I’d rather focus on the specifics of relationships, the patterns of interaction characters have with one another, what they represent to one another, etc, than trying to definitively categorize their feelings.) Also, if this is in response to this post, then I don’t really consider the question of whether or not characters were “really” in love, or preferred other people, particularly relevant when shipping something. Shipping to me is applying an erotic lens to a dynamic I find compelling, not about whether the character were “in love” with each other or would make a dedicated or long-lasting couple.

I don’t consider myself to be beholden to the opinion of Mads, or anyone else in the cast and crew, in my analysis. Their sentiments can be interesting, and can inform readings (and tbh I’ll pay more attention to Fuller than the rest of them, given that I respect his vision as a creator), but they are not canon, and I think treating them as such is stifling to fandom analysis. Furthermore, in this case, I don’t need to consider Mads’ opinion, because… I have the show itself, which devotes considerable attention to Hannibal’s feelings towards Will and puts forth a lot of effort in positioning Will as somehow exceptional to him.

It’s not really clear that Hannibal did sleep with Bedelia. The exact nature of their relationship is pretty deliberately left ambiguous. (My personal interpretation is that they didn’t sleep together, though they were both aware that it was a possibility.)

Hannibal had practical reasons to sleep with Alana outside of his own enjoyment - namely, grooming her as a character witness, and keeping her close such that the threat of him hurting her would keep Will in line (hence his “I’ll give Alana Bloom your best” line after Will’s attempt on his life). I do agree that he doesn’t seem to see sex as sacrosanct, and has no qualms about using it as a manipulation tool, but that’s about as much as the show gives us as to his feelings about it. (It is plausible, given everything else about him, that he’d enjoy it for hedonistic reasons, and that is pretty in line with my own headcanon, but the show itself doesn’t specify exactly, because “how the characters feel about sex” is a question it’s relatively uninterested in devoting a lot of attention to.)

With that out of the way, I’ll get into Bedelia, namely this:

But when Will confronts Bedelia, she pretends as if Hannibal held them in the same regard which is obviously not true. Hannibal would choose Will over her in a heart beat and even she knows it but yet she acts as if Hannibal sees them both equally.

She doesn’t actually, though. In fact, in her interactions with Will in 3B, she's often emphasizing the romantic and obsessive nature of Hannibal's feelings towards Will specifically.

Consider:

Will: You hitched your star to a man commonly known as a monster. You’re the Bride of Frankenstein. Bedelia: We’ve both been his bride.

Will is the one who raises the “bride” comparison, and Bedelia’s answer is to impress on Will the fact that he also should be taken to hold this position. And then later in the episode, we get her saying “my relationship with Hannibal is not as passionate as yours.”

And then in 3.12, we get this exchange:

Will: Bluebeard’s wife. Secrets you’re not to know, yet sworn to keep. Bedelia: If I am to be Bluebeard’s wife, I would have preferred to be the last.

So when Will again raises a romantic analogy for Bedelia and Hannibal’s relationship, Bedelia responds with a conditional, rather than confirming it, and then implicitly gestures towards the romantic nature of Will and Hannibal’s relationship (and the fact that Hannibal seems to value Will more).

So Bedelia fairly consistently maintains that Hannibal holds Will in special regard. And while she seems to have been jarred out of her usual patterns of behaviour with Hannibal in a comparable way to Will (hence the “why is one patient worthy of compassion and not another”/“why is one murderer worthy of compassion and not another” exchange), she doesn’t appear to be carrying a torch for him - when Will asks her if she’s been to see Hannibal, she responds, “I’ve seen enough of him.”

So, as to her motivations - I’d say she’s invested in impressing on Will the force of Hannibal’s influence on them, hence why she pushes the angle of the romantic intensity of their bond. For example, this quote:

Your experience of Hannibal’s attention is so profoundly harmful, yet so irresistible, it undermines your ability to think rationally.

And then her pushing to get Will to accept his culpability in what happened to Chilton, and chalking it up to Hannibal’s influence:

Bedelia: Is this what you expected? Will: I can’t say I’m surprised. Bedelia: Then you may as well have struck the match yourself. That’s participation. Hannibal Lecter does have agency in the world. He has you.

And then, in the wounded bird exchange, there’s her claim that Will isn’t truly a killer, and that his compassion is what drives his violence:

You’re not a killer. You’re capable of righteous violence because you are compassionate. …The next time your instinct is to help someone, you should really consider crushing them instead. It might save you a lot of trouble.

Well, taken in tandem with her emphasis on the intensity of the bond between Will and Hannibal, and on Hannibal’s influence on Will, the conclusion I’d draw is that she wants Will to recognize and recoil from Hannibal’s pull on him and what it brings out in him, and she wants him to direct his compassion towards Hannibal in the form of killing him. (I think her trying to get Will to “crush” the next person he feels the urge to help is also referring to Dolarhyde, ftr, or at least has narrative resonances in that direction, though that ofc backfires onto her).

So, I don’t think Bedelia feels threatened by the bond between Will and Hannibal out of romantic jealousy. It’s more a sense of self-preservation. I have a longer post in me about this, but suffice it to say, that’s why she tries to get Hannibal to eat Will in 3A - because it’s Will or her - and the interpretation that she’s trying to get Will to kill Hannibal in 3B works well as a parallel to that and makes sense as to her motivations. Because she knows that if Will and Hannibal join ranks, she’s toast - and going by the stinger in WOTL, she was right about that.

I hope this was helpful!

[the-bi-space-ace]

Daniel Jackson & Why Stargate SG-1 is the Best Show in the World

Here we go again. Listen, my obsession with this show knows no bounds and I’m going to simply have to take you through my thoughts on every character. 

Strap in. It gets long.

Daniel Jackson. Linguist and ancient aliens believer (Daniel. It really is your worst quality. Even worse that YOU WERE RIGHT HOLY MOLY) and he figured out how to dial the Stargate and get it to work. A character known for his intelligence and empathy, his moral compass and being petty as fuck. A man who pushes those around him to be better people, and to think outside of themselves. Also he has allergies which plays into a very cute intro to his character in the show where Jack literally tosses a tissue box into the Stargate to make contact with Jackson. Let’s get into it. 

We open season one with the SGC traveling back to Abydos where they left Daniel Jackson in the og movie after disaster struck (that disaster you may ask??? ….. I have no clue I haven’t watched it yet BUT I DIGRESS). There’s a problem. Aliens came through the Stargate and took one of their own. They need to talk to Daniel, to the Abydonians, and what follows is unfortunate. 

You see, they defeated Ra in the movie, a parasite pretending to be a god, and thought they were done with this villain. Unfortunately they’re facing a new one, same shit different name: Apophis - brother of Ra. And it turns out they aren’t finished with stealing and enslaving people. Now, the genre of villain they’re against is swift, cunning, technologically advanced, and ruthless. The Goa’uld. They attack Abydos and take a young boy named Skaara and Sha’re, Daniel’s wife, captive along with the SG team member. 

Ugh. Sha’re. Daniel is so sweet to her. They’re so clearly in love. Daniel Jackson has my favorite quality in a man which is that one of his primary personality traits is that he loves his wife. Ugh. It kills me that the Goa’uld took her away and he spends the next few years desperately tracking her down. The Goa’uld end up possessing both Sha’re and Skaara and it leads to Daniel Jackson rejoining the SGC and joining Jack O’Neill and Sam in SG-1. 

It’s important to note a few things about Daniel here that inform me about why he is the way that he is. He was orphaned as a child, he lost his wife whom he loved very much, and he is extremely empathetic. He basically imprints on every being he comes across that doesn’t have a family and that kills me. He’s desperate for connection and he tries to understand the motives and meaning behind everything. He cares about people. He cares about culture. He cares about respecting things you don’t understand. 

While we’re on the subject of imprinting, let's talk about Daniel and his friendships. We’ll start with Sam and Daniel. True science besties. I love every interaction between these two. It's like they found their platonic soulmate that they’ve spent their lives looking for. They info dump with each other, bask in each other’s intelligence and value it even when they have zero clue what the other is on about. Their friendship is pure and quick and beautiful and I can’t talk about Daniel without touching on how he quickly latches onto his friends and makes them important and how it makes his life fuller to have them. He does the same with Jack. They clearly care deeply for each other and Daniel finds a safe space in Jack. A space where he can push and be angry and ask questions and share how he feels and never receive rejection from Jack. Yes, they fight and argue and disagree but it is (typically) a safe disagreement where they’ll mend anything they hurt. Then there’s Teal’c. Teal’c, the man who is… kind of responsible for taking Sha’re from him. A man that Daniel wants to hate but can’t. Because Teal’c is a changed man. A man who had little choice. A man who Daniel has come to recognize as a friend and ally. This. This is big for Daniel. 

Imagine. Your wife is taken from you. The man responsible for choosing her to take is now saying he is going to help you defeat your enemies. He lives on earth with you. He is treated as an honorable man and warrior. He is part of your team. Your everyday life. And you forgive him. You forgive because it’s the right thing. You forgive because you know it’s not his fault. You forgive because your heart is big enough to do so. To not assign blame where it’s unfair. That is Daniel Jackson. That is who he is. And fuck do I admire this in him. If it were my partner taken, life stolen from them, parasites taken over their body and using them to harm people. If I had to look at the man who chose her every day I might not be so forgiving. I might not have it in me to see a difference. This quality is something I admire because it is something that would be excruciating for me. 

Speaking of excruciating things: watching Daniel’s face when someone he loves is in danger is like getting stabbed through the heart. One of the moments that sticks out in my mind is when Jack and Teal’c are trapped on a submarine that is being overrun by Replicators. Their only hope at not letting these bastards take over the earth is to blow it up, with both of them on it. Jack tells them to prepare to do it and Daniel is immediately against it. Jack takes his helmet off so he can hold the camera up so Daniel can see his face, can talk directly to him, and tells him to do it. When Daniel, in desperation, pushes again Jack reiterates that he does not want to die by the replicators. He doesn’t want his life to be over that way. Daniel has to let him and Teal’c go. Daniel eventually gives in but he refuses to look away while two of his friends die. (Spoiler alert is that they get saved at the last minute, thank fuck.) 

We watch this despair each and every time one of his loved ones is in danger. We watch his expression, his heartbreak, his feelings of powerlessness. He’s desperately done everything he can to keep them safe. Daniel is not a soldier. He is an academic. He doesn’t have the training that the rest of them do. He hasn’t been taught how to handle battlefields and death and loss like they have. Watching his friends get hurt or die is so devastating for him. They are his family. Losing them is like losing everything he has left, especially since losing Sha’re and leaving everyone on Abydos. His heart holds all of them so dear. 

We know he values his friendships, but what about the times he makes friends with beings from other planets? One of my favorite times is with an Unas who kidnaps him to sacrifice him. Now, Daniel spends a lot of time trying to communicate with this Unas. He shares food with him, talks, they play games. All while he’s being dragged through the wilderness to be slaughtered. He starts to understand the Unas, to learn that he has a connection with this one. Eventually this connection is what saves him in the end. Daniel even goes on a rescue mission to save this Unas when he gets captured in a later season. 

Then we have Reese. Oh, Reese. I liked her. She was an android responsible for creating the Replicators, a dangerous villain in later seasons of SG-1. Daniel spends time bonding with her, learning about her, and figuring out why she made the Replicators. She was lonely. She spent her life being told she was ‘made wrong’ and that she needed to be ‘fixed’. She was sad and emotionally uncontrolled. I’m about to be annoying about this but this is why Daniel bonds so well with her. She was lonely. She wanted friends. She wanted kinship. Daniel so desperately wants these things. He’s so lonely, has been since childhood. He sees himself in her. And when she dies he’s heartbroken. It’s the first time you hear him cuss at Jack, a line that will live in my head forever: You stupid son of a bitch. Now, Jack isn’t stupid. Daniel knows this. Daniel is angry. But Jack was just trying to protect him, doing the thing he does to show his love, and it was rejected. This moment stings. It stings because of the context. It stings because of when it happens. It stings because of what happens only a few episodes later. 

Daniel dies. Daniel dies because of his empathy and action. He dies protecting people. He dies. And it’s heartbreaking. Watching everyone say goodbye to him is one of the most tear-inducing moments so far. (I cried for… a long time.) Teal’c honors him in a way culturally significant to him with tears in his eyes. A man that is usually stoic and a strong silent type letting himself mourn a friend he’s grown to love. Sam cries and reminds him that she loves him and she wishes she could do more for him. He can’t even respond to her at that point but she sits with him and takes in what little time they have left. And Jack, well, he makes a joke. He tries to be serious about it but it’s too uncomfortably close to talking outright about his feelings so he makes some joke about how Daniel has been a pain in his ass for five years and despite all of that he has grown to admire the man that Daniel has become. It’s so painfully Jack O’Neill that it’s charming and gets Daniel to smile. (CAVEAT Daniel is not like… dead dead… I’ve been informed that he returns and my sadness over it is only temporary since the character will be back soon… and yet I still cried for over an hour over him.) 

The worst part is that there is a chance for him to be saved. But he stops them so he can ‘ascend’ and ‘do more’. And how does he stop them? Well, he talks to the one person he knows will respect his decision, the one person he knows will let him go, the one person he knows he can trust to have the responsibility to take care of it. Jack. He tells Jack to let him go, to make them stop, to let Daniel move on. And Jack, despondent and unhappy as he is to do it, does. It is horrible to watch. Daniel standing in front of Jack, crying, telling him he’ll miss everyone while Jack says ‘yeah. Me too.’ and lets Daniel go. Ugh. It kills me. He says at some point during the episode that his life is worth no more than anyone else’s. That he hasn’t done much. He’s not done enough to help. Oh boy. He’s so wrong. He’s so unbelievably wrong it hurts. He’s an idiot. Not enough? Daniel, sweetie, you’ve given your life to this. You’ve saved civilizations, saved earth, saved Skaara, what more do you need to know that you have done miraculous things? His low self esteem hurts me here. He doesn’t believe he’s done good, that he is good. How does a man who has given his life to this cause think so little of himself? Well, I think it stems back to his parents. 

Goodness. I believe his parents loved him more than the moon and all the stars. I believe they raised that boy with attention and affection and love and care and it is a damn shame that they died. It’s a damn shame they died at the same time. It’s bullshit that Daniel watched it. He watched both of his parents die when he was around 10-12 years old. He became an orphan in an instant. He went from two loving parents to the foster system in seconds. Now, he didn’t have to go to the system. He had a grandfather that could have adopted him but the man didn’t. He had a career more important than Daniel. I wouldn’t make the same choice if it were me. Hell, this little baby lost everything in a day and he needed someone. He needed love. He needed a home that was familiar. And instead of taking on the responsibility, instead of working through his anger and helping him cope you left him. My sympathies lie with Daniel here because I love him so deeply so I get angry when I think about little Daniel having a family member that could take him and instead being given up because of… what? A career? Some things are more important. (Sidenote that I am not condemning people for prioritizing themselves instead of having children… I am not ever going to have children and that is completely of my own free will and choice and wants and needs. What I am saying is that Daniel’s grandfather chose to leave him for the sake of himself and I think this rejection is where Daniel’s low self esteem comes from.)

His grandfather’s rejection is the start in a long line of rejections. Rejection from his peers, rejection from superiors, rejection from society. He finally finds somewhere he feels he belongs (Abydos) and that is gone too. In the blink of an eye. He thinks he isn’t good enough. And I think that blows. (Another side note that I think Daniel has at least ADHD if not also Autism and since I have both of those things I get really fiery about Daniel so… I’M BIASED OKAY.) He spends the rest of his life searching for connection, community, love. Hell, he even tries to infodump to Jack in episode one and faces yet another rejection of his skills and interests and I can’t help but feel like that hurts. Now, Jack does this song and dance often throughout the show with Daniel but it starts to feel more like they’re purposefully winding each other up and not like Jack is trying to hurt him. But… a different post for a different day. 

Now, I won’t lie. I am super drawn to characters like this. I had a huge crush on Milo from Atlantis as a kid and Daniel is very very close to that character in a lot of ways. The floppy hair, the glasses, the nerdiness, the excitable way he talks. So… I’m a little biased… but this character… this character rules. He’s sweet and kind and sometimes so petty it makes me laugh. He’s funny and charming and GOSH I JUST LOVE HIM OKAY. HE’S STUPID CUTE IT MAKES ME MAD. But. He has flaws. Flaws that make me like him even more but flaws nonetheless. He can be one track minded. He takes things into his own hands and puts himself in danger and puts his team in uncomfortable positions because of it. He lets his emotions get the better of him. He compartmentalizes by throwing his all into things like working and solving something. He’s a great man. But he’s confused and scared and has such low self-esteem it hurts. 

His flaws are on full display when he puts himself in immediate danger to stop Jack from destroying a ship that is about to wipe out a civilization that they helped get a new home for. Daniel has talked to this person, knows that he can prevent two civilizations from being destroyed, but Jack is focused on helping the one they’ve already connected with. Daniel disobeys Jack’s order. He puts himself in the path of an explosive in order to convince the other person to cease unintentionally destroying the planet in order to find another solution. While Daniel does succeed and it is the right thing he still puts Jack in a situation where he has to choose to sacrifice Daniel if he is to complete their mission and save a whole group of people. It isn’t fair. It hurts Jack, pisses him off, but Daniel isn’t putting that piece of it as his top priority. He’s putting saving two whole civilizations of history, art, and passion as his top priority. He doesn’t think past the consequences of what he’s doing. 

Another case like this is in season one, The Torment of Tantalus, where they find a device that contains information well beyond our wildest dreams. ‘Meaning of life stuff’ as he likes to say. He values this preservation of history and knowledge. Even more than his own life. His one track mindedness here almost gets him killed. Jack begs him to go, tries to force him, but Daniel refuses and again forces Jack to make the choice to leave him behind and get everyone else to safety. Now, Daniel does end up following and getting out of there but it does take him a little bit of time to come to the conclusion that he does have to leave. He can’t just give up his life to stay behind on a planet about to be destroyed by a storm. 

I want to touch on his pettiness for a moment because it is damn entertaining to watch him get… petulant for lack of a better word. I have never seen a man more willing to mouth off to high ranking government officials or question his bosses or down right taunt someone holding him captive. He will say some stupid joke in the driest tone I’ve ever heard and all I’m thinking is: yep this is the day he gets punched in the face. This is it. They’re going to do it. This man does not know when to shut up. My dear, sweet boy sometimes you have to SHUT UP!!! Self preservation, Daniel! Ever heard of it?!?! By far the best part of his pettiness is the looks him and Sam share when someone says something stupid. Some high ranking officer saying something stupid or derogatory? Sam and Daniel are sharing a ‘do you hear this guy?’ look. Someone being a bit too mouthy for their liking? They’re side-eyeing each other. They are true best friends. Having silent conversations with one another while everyone else in the room argues. I love their very first meeting. Sam geeking out over the dialing device while Daniel watches her like ‘who is this and why is she literally the most amazing person I’ve ever met’. Them interacting that whole first episode is just the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. They are best friends, your honor. I cherish them.

Daniel, above all, is the definition of what it means to have a found family. His was taken from him and he spends his life finding a family again. The great thing is that he does find it. He finds it and he holds on so tight. I’m still working through the seasons of Stargate but Daniel is an interesting and beautiful character. He’s traumatized and sad but he’s also wonderfully complex and still learning. 

If you haven’t watched Stargate consider this: the found family trope runs rampant here. There’s plenty of content to watch, plenty of relationships to explore, and plenty of things to be said about this show. Plus, you could write some damn good fic about it if you wanted to :)

[ishvalan-alchemist]

Why I prefer FMA03 over Brotherhood.

Simply: How they treat the characters.

I notice liking the character interactions much more in the first show. I found myself remembering Team mustang more in 03 than BH because they were kind of a goon squad. Yes, the tone of BH is more serious. But say Heyman or Havoc died, I wouldn't have cared as much. I can buy 'these guys are friends more in 03 because we see them goofing around and acting like friends more in 03.

We see Ed start out respecting Mustang in earlier episodes. A kid looking up to this military leader and wanting to impress him. Then realizing he's kind of a prick and letting egos clash.

Brotherhood drops in with the two already disliking each other. This isn't a bad thing, but I'm definitely more invested after seeing how Ed & Roy got to that point in their relationship. Furthermore, 03-Roy gets points for never putting his hands on Ed/a kid as BH-Roy does.

Maes is introduced as Roy's friend calling him up to talk about his pregnant wife. From there, we see him as a skilled knife user, a new dad, a surrogate uncle figure to Ed & Al, the nerdy guy in the office that everyone is mildly annoyed by, and the right-hand man to Roy. All of this is over season 1. With his death closing out the season. The last image before the credits roll is Ed seeing his ghost.

BH tries to cram a lot of this in 10 episodes. That's nowhere near enough time for me to feel connected to this side character. He's been an overprotective dad, the nerdy guy in the office, and we see him use a knife 1 time in 1 scene. BH does better with giving his death closer (Roy vs Envy), but I didn't really care about Maes before they fridged him for Roy's development.

Nina is the same way to Ed & Al. In 03, I can buy that the Elrics saw her as a little sister because we see them interact much more across multiple episodes. In BH, it's all 1 episode.

Paninya & Wirny's discussion in 03 feels more earned. The two talk about automail and how they view it all while Winry fixes her arm. This is after Ed scams a scammer that broke Paninya's automail. So while I do side with Ed on a personal level, I can understand where Winry's anger/disappointment is coming from in this episode. Also, this gives Paninya a chance to show her parkour skills under less 'happily committing a felony' reasons. If Paninya & Winry met again in 03, I'd be excited to see what else the two had to say or get into.

In BH, Paninya is just a thief who steals Ed's watch. Winry tells her to stop stealing and...she agrees. That's it. A 30-second speech was all it took. It's one of the most rushed scenes I've seen in any show and I genuinely hate it.

Scar is the second biggest contrast I've seen of characters who're in both shows. Third, is Sheska whos a full character in 03 but is in 2 episodes in BH. The first is the next example I give after this one.

Anyway, Scar in 03 I absolutely can get behind. 03 as a show does everything to show the horrors of Ishval. From Roy & Alex's PTSD. To casual racism background characters have for Ishvalans. We see more Ishvalan characters outside of Scar so we have a fuller picture. He starts out as this guy cursed with the arm and just looking for answers. Falling back to religion at times and becoming calculated in his vengeance. Going from 'what do I do?' to leading a caravan saying 'here's what I need you to do'. He legitimately could've been the main character in his own story.

BH Scar is willing to throw down with a 12-year-old from the get-go. At times, it feels like he fights what the plot puts in front of him rather than seeking out a goal. I can buy this guy working with the military at the end of the show since 'the world is at stake'. But, just barely.

The homunculi in 03 are humans that were brought back via alchemy. So, each of them can be killed if they're close to something from when they are alive. A body part, cloth, etc. It's much more personal when Izumi sees what would've been her biological kid joining the bad guys. Ed has to dig up the grave of his mom so he can defeat Sloth. It's so heavy and is one of my favorite moments in 03 with the colors of the sunset overshadowing Ed's face as he finds what he needs. It also makes the homunculi a threat with a weakness that ties into their origin. Manipulated by a villain who wants to live forever.

Meanwhile, in BH, the Homunculi are still interesting characters (except for Sloth). But they're just henchmen created for 1 immortal. With a weakness of:

"I figured it out. We just need to punch them really, really hard." - TFS Piccolo

I could keep going with more examples, but I feel as though that could come across as me 'hating' BH. Which I don't. I love both versions. But when I see 'Bh is better because it follows the manga', that means jack to me. Just because something is a more faithful adaptation, doesn't mean it's a better overall product.

[fandsart]

For your behind the scenes ask:

What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

For any of your fics.

Ask list

The thing about that is, there are over 100K words of 20 Chain Links that have been written out and haven't been posted yet. That's more than half of it. The further into the fic the more the emotional and relational build up pays off, so most of my favorite scenes are going to be down the road. Another thing about it is how much all of the scenes play off of each other. It's hard to nail a certain favorite aspect of the story into just one scene.

So, without jumping from scene to scene commentary, I'd have to pick this one in chapter 6: it's the last scene with Billy. Or the last interaction scene anyway; obviously he dies after that, but this story being from Steve's perspective, he sees it from a distance and he's heavily concussed at the time.

I'll continue talking about it under the cut for length and spoiler reasons

The thing I like about this is how it jump starts Steve and Robin's relationship. They'd only been working together for a week, but they're working a very monotonous job with only preconceived notions of who Steve is, she would have continued to be nothing but condescending and mock him. His perception of her would stay negative and she would view this as confirmation of what she believed about his character.

Having this here gives her something to change the way she views him as a person, and loosens some tension between them. She knows that Steve tried to stop Billy from getting to her, because she hears a kick after she uses the broadcasting announcement system to call for security. She knew Billy would head toward the door, and was willing to take the risk that security would get to him before any (at least serious) harm was done to her. But she knows Steve held him up.

Then she goes on to see how unconcerned he seems to be with himself following the interaction. He says 'Don't worry about me; I'll get concealer for the bruises.'

She's more agreeable after that, opening the door for a fuller understanding later when she really lets herself get to know him as more than his reputation

So that's the answer to the question, but I'm going to take the opportunity to talk about this other scene in chapter 4 just because it's kind of something that really needs to be read into. I will be scene hopping just a little bit when talking about this

There's the scene where Hopper belittles Steve's intelligence. It's one of the few Hopper-Steve interactions in the fic (which is why this needs to be read into to grasp the background stuff I'm doing)

Someone left this lovely comment dissecting this scene

[“God, people aren’t kidding when they say you’re slow. Let me tell you the difference. You were a teenage boy. El’s a young girl. She doesn’t know what she’s doing or getting herself into.”

This was honestly deeply shocking to me. I dont know why, it was just shocking and upsetting. I wouldn't put it out of character for Hopper, I think that's the worst part for me cuz quite frankly he can be an ass, he has those moments, forget just being grumpy and abrasive. I re-watched season two recently and a lot of things stuck out to me and made me feel iffy. I'm glad however that he chose to reach out again to another adult and hope he takes their advice this time. He's a grown ass man, I need him to act like it especially in regards with the way he talks to kids sometimes. But bloody hell you don't say that, that's so mean, it's devastating. He essentially has no adult support system and one of the like three adults in the know treats him like that. Sucks

And the misogyny oof. Also the way he seems to gloss over Steve sentence, the kids are want 13/14 in season 3, and I'm guessing I'll put Steve at 11/12 when he started kissing. That's not great, it's also weird because we have society telling us boys mature slower than girls, so boys will be boys, why then are they mature enough for relationship things?. And the way Hopper gets immediately defensive and so aggressive about assigning blame. I find that conversation fascinating. Along with the conversation Bob had with Mike those two stuck at the most to me.]

And I responded:

[I really hated Hopper in season 3, so this is setting up where the decent would be there, but he's getting a sort of background arc in this version so he doesn't get that shitty. That arc involves Bob being such an open person that he's able to reason with Hopper. Here he just steps in though since Hop isn't at a place where he's able to express himself a lot. And we do see in season 3 how affected by toxic masculinity Hopper is. I wanted to keep some level of consistency with the characters even when I hated how some of the characters behaved at certain points. Like the first scene I changed in season 2 where Steve told Nancy they should take a break, because I have a hard time believing they'd be on such good terms later on after she cheated on him pretty blatantly. Also, I feel like it works better that way for how on good terms they are by season 4

I really wanted to address how bitter Hopper is in season three and also kind of divert that path a bit]

Bob is such a chill guy and he's very emotionally open, which is specifically something that Hopper struggles with. I think just existing around Bob would be good for him and since they're both close with Joyce I think they would get close through her. I'm picturing them going through a whole developing story on their own in the background to Steve's story where they figure their way into being polyamorous, but it's outside of Steve's periphery. Sometimes people are just going through their own stories just outside of the perception of your own

[actingwithportals]

Heyo! Currently, I'm trying to write a character with psychosis, yet as I'm (probably) neurotypical, I don't really know much about writing neurodivergent characters aside from things I've read online, and I'm not really sure how reliable those are. I don't want to be ableist at all, so I was wondering if you could give me some tips, please? If it doesn't bother you, of course!

Hoo ok so this is definitely a question that could have a very long answer, because there is A Lot that can be covered in how to accurately portray a psychotic character in writing. I’ll try to give a good answer without overwhelming you with too much info, and some tips on ways you can find further information on your own too!

First, and most important thing imo, is you definitely want to talk to psychotic people when developing your character and deciding how their psychosis effects their life, personality, and interactions with the world and others. Every psychotic person experiences psychosis a little different, so hearing multiple perspectives is going to be helpful in having a fuller understanding of what is realistic and expected. There’s going to be a lot of different situations too that your character will be put in where their psychosis would be relevant, and each and every one one of those situations are going to be varied and unique. Having a good, general grasp on psychosis will help you to tackle all sorts of scenarios with a better understanding, but I would still encourage reaching out to psychotic individuals if there are specific scenarios that you think should be given particular care and focus (and tbh I would say that any situation where the psychosis is relevant should be considered this carefully, particularly when first starting out).

Another important point to consider when first developing your character is deciding what sort of psychotic disorder they have. Not all psychotic disorders are the same, and even those who do have the same diagnosis might not experience psychosis similarly, depending on if they have other diagnoses going on, or what is their given personality and living situation. Some of the most common psychotic disorders that you would probably come across are schizophrenia, bipolar type 1, and depression with psychosis. All of these look very different from each other when it comes to symptoms, but even within each individual one there are so many variations of how they might present in a person. For example, I’m a schizophrenic who regularly has auditory hallucinations and severe paranoia, whereas a roommate I once lived with was a schizophrenic who was more prone to visual hallucinations and memory issues. Figuring out your character’s diagnosis, or even just their most common symptoms, is going to make your portrayal more accurate.

I’ll go over some of the more common symptoms and experiences of psychosis now, to sort of lay out a basic understanding of what it’s like. Also, it’s important to note that psychosis itself is a symptom and not its own disorder or diagnosis.

Hallucinations: This is definitely the most Recognized symptom of psychosis, and in my experience it does seem to be very widely shared, but not everyone with a psychotic disorder experiences hallucinations. It’s just the most “extreme” as some might say, and thus tends to get the most attention. There are a few types of hallucinations - visual, auditory, tactile, olfactory, and gustatory. Visual hallucinations are hallucinations that you see, auditory are ones you hear, tactile are ones you feel, olfactory are ones you smell, and gustatory are ones you taste. Visual and auditory are the most common, but a fair amount of psychotic people also experience tactile hallucinations. Olfactory and gustatory hallucinations tend to be the least common, but can certainly still occur in plenty of psychotic individuals.

Auditory hallucinations: this tends to be the most common type of hallucination, and it usually includes hearing voices (whispered, shouting, far away, close by, etc.), but can also include pretty much any other sound imaginable, like sirens, your phone ringing, music, or gunshots.

Visual hallucinations: this is usually less common than auditory, but is still generally more common than the latter three mentioned above. One of the most common visual hallucinations I hear about psychotic people experiencing is shadow people - figures that appear dark and vaguely human-shaped, usually seen out of the corner of your eye in darkened hallways or corners. But like auditory, visual hallucinations can take on just about any form imaginable.

It’s important to note that a lot of psychotics can reasonably guess when they are experiencing a hallucination, but sometimes it really is hard to be sure, especially if the hallucination is something particularly believable, like a familiar voice calling your name from another room. And not all hallucinations are dramatic or scary (though these do of course exist); often times a psychotic person might experience daily mundane hallucinations that have little to no effect on their life (an example of this is I used to see the same cloud of sparkling purple dust at a particular part of the college campus I used to attend).

Delusions: This is the second most recognized psychotic symptom, and just like hallucinations it can be extremely varied, or even nonexistent in some psychotics. Some common types of delusions are persecutory (the belief that you are being targeted with harmful intent by someone or something), grandiose (the belief that you have a grander importance in the world than what might be considered normal or reasonable), and somatic (the belief that there is something medically wrong with you, despite a lack of symptoms). Sometimes delusions are specifically laid out ideas that you firmly believe, despite having no factual evidence to support them, but sometimes they are simply a sense or feeling that Something about yourself or the world is off or wrong. 

Some psychotic people are well aware of their delusions, while others aren’t as insightful (both are valid and deserving of care and consideration). It’s entirely possible for psychotic people to experience multiple delusions, and to be aware of some of them as delusions and not be aware of others. Delusions are an extremely varied thing and often difficult to clearly cut because they strongly warp a psychotic person’s sense of reality. I won’t go into examples here because detailed discussions of delusions is something I personally am triggered by, but the most important thing I would say to remember here is that delusions feel very real to the psychotic person experiencing them, and even if they are aware the belief is a delusion, that isn’t always enough to make the belief disappear. Respecting someone, while also not feeding into their delusion, is a delicate but important balance to navigate. You don’t want to invalidate a person for experiencing a delusion, but you also don’t want to lead them further into it, especially if the delusion is one that could be dangerous for them.

Cognitive symptoms: A lot of folks don’t realize that psychosis can have a major affect on your cognitive functions. The disconnect from reality can affect your ability to remember things like conversations with friends, important dates or responsibilities, or even what you are currently trying to do or say. It’s not uncommon for psychotic people to have the issue with beginning a sentence and forgetting halfway through what they were talking about (for me personally, this is why I prefer talking via text, because I am better able to stay on track with my thoughts). Aside from difficulties with memory, psychotic people can also experience trouble grasping new information and concepts, difficulties sleeping (nightmares are a common occurrence), compulsions or tics or habits, as well as stimming and hyperfocus.

Regulating emotions is also a common difficulty among psychotic people, and that can present itself as anything from hyper-empathy to low empathy, flat affect (the lack of physical emoting), or difficulties with volume control. Unsurprisingly, it’s often that someone with schizophrenia can get diagnosed with autism because certain cognitive behaviors look very much the same (though of course it is possible for someone to have both). And though most often just included with schizophrenia, non schizophrenic psychotic people can also experience catatonia (abnormal movement or behavior that can include anything from being unable to move for several hours to multiple days, to repeating specific movements or words and being unable to stop).

This ended up being A Lot of information, but the above is a very basic description of what symptoms of psychosis are like, and how varied the experiences can be. Some psychotic people will take medication for their symptoms, some will go to therapy, while some will seek out no medical attention at all. It depends on the individual, their needs and preferences, and what resources are available to them. Psychosis effects almost every part of a psychotic person’s life, but it doesn’t always present so clearly because it does often become so normal for the individual that it integrates into average life. For some this is ok, and even enjoyed, while for others the experience is distressing and debilitating. Often it’s a bit of both. There’s always going to be bad days, but there are good days too, and not every aspect of psychosis is negative or scary. I think, for me personally, I’d be a great deal lonelier without my psychosis.

If you want further information on psychosis I would definitely recommend the tumblr blog psychotic-psypport, as well as looking in tags like actuallypsychotic or pseriouslypsychosis. The best place to get information on how to portray psychosis is always through talking to actual psychotic individuals, as medical information online can sometimes be biased from years and years and years of stigmatization towards psychosis (but this is not to discourage medical research, just to suggest always having a critical mind when taking in that info and conferring it with the psychotic community first).

Also, a brief note on language. When referring to someone with psychosis, it is ok to call them psychotic! However, if you are not fully comfortable it is ok to say “a person with psychosis”, though imo “psychotic person” is preferable and less clunky. Schizophrenic and psychotic are not interchangeable words, as the disorder of schizophrenia and the symptom of psychosis are not the same thing. Psychosis and psychopathy are not the same thing (and psychopathy is honestly an outdated and Not Great Word anyways, but if that is something you are curious about I recommend looking into antisocial personality disorder - again, not the same thing as psychosis, but these two things can exist together). Unless you yourself are psychotic, never, ever, EVER use the word psycho. Just, please please please do not. I would say the same goes for the word schizo, if applicable to the character you are writing. (I am not the ultimate authority on this, but as someone to whom these terms apply, seeing non psychotics or non schizophrenics use either is extremely uncomfortable and unpleasant). Also, bipolar does not automatically equal psychotic, as psychosis is not a symptom that appears in bipolar type 2 (however I am not bipolar, so if this information isn’t accurate anyone do feel free to correct me).

A final important note to remember as well is that psychosis does not make a person dangerous, and more often than not the person experiencing psychosis is going to be at greater risk from their disorder than any individuals around them. If you wish to write an antagonist or villain with psychosis, please be extremely critical of your reasoning behind that decision and confer with psychotics on how to do that appropriately, if you should even do it at all.

I hope this was helpful and not overwhelming, and if you want to know about anything more specific I am willing to discuss further! The question was a bit broad so I wanted to make sure I hit as many relevant points as I could.

If any other psychotic individuals want to chime in feel free! However I would ask that non psychotics please do not.

[rachelillustrates]

Orctober 2021 day 29 (and Fanart Friday - comic review, "Orcs!"

Today’s prompt from Hitorik! “Embassy (of the Horde).”

So, bending the rules again to fit the idea of embassy in general, specifically “a deputation or mission sent by one ruler or state to another.” Considering how Orcs are treated in a lot of fantasy media, still, I think that any Orc-positive work that any of us do is in the spirit of embassy to the less-Orc-positive parts of fandom and genre!

And on that note…

For Fanart Friday, above is Arn and Bog, from @larsencomics 's “Orcs!”

And here (finally!) is my review of that delightful series:

So I’ve been low-key following Christine Larsen’s work around Orcs for a while now – what she does, giving them their real due as a whole people instead of cookie-cutter monsters is VERY important, and veryverygood. I’ve read the original, indie copy of the first issue of this story MANY times. So to say that I was thrilled to find out about and finally read this fuller version of the tale would be a massive understatement. And I was not disappointed.

(Minor spoilers follow BUT I will try to keep them to a minimum.)

The world-building and tone-setting is spot on from the very first scene. Not only is the art even more adorable than it was in the indie issue (and, as before, very body positive!), we get to start off with the Legend of Drod – which I love, legends within a greater story/world are absolutely my cup of tea. Drod’s tale is used brilliantly to latch us into the world of the Orcs – carrying us through it in every issue, even tying into the way the series wraps up later, too (I won’t spoil that, it’s too good!).

So not only do we get to start falling in love with this people through their legends, we also get introduced to their culture right away – which is, of course, handled with respect. They have homes, and art, and games, and music, and relationships to each other – children, who have a life experience all their own – and a place in the history of the world…. basically all they deserve as a sentient race in their own right (I’m looking at you, John Ronald).

At the same time, the rough and tumble vibe one usually expects from Orcs is still there, intact – so, delightful to read and still the vibe one would expect from Orcish content. On top that that, she also addresses the darker side of that “violent” nature – when it goes too far, and what lasting impact that has on a person. That’s a really challenging balance to hit, and it’s managed perfectly and beautifully. That roughness, but admission of trauma, all tempered with the love and care these Orcs genuinely have for one another.

And on that note, speaking of culture again, another excellent balance is hit between the jovial, chaotic bonds of the whole tribe and the found family vibe of the group the story focuses on. We see through that interaction – this one group, as part of a larger whole – how Orcish culture is structured. Not a lot of time is needed to establish that, the way Larsen set things up, so we understand quickly where things stand and move forward with that solid foundation.

(Also, Tuesday. Just saying.)

She does amazing things with other fantasy peoples as well – especially, the Elves ( Leonard is just….everything, and poor Daniel deserves a vacation)and the Dwarves (so much adoration for the inclusion of Mea and Siri!!). Staples of their usual depictions are leaned on, with details that firmly base them in this world while still making them feel familiar. The fact that we, as readers, would know what to expect based on previous story settings is used with skill, to both the story’s advantage and our own advantage, experiencing this world for the first time.

(Though again, my only non-positive notes in this area or in general are about the treatment of Gnomes, but I already processed that here.)

(And I should also mention that if you’re terribly arachnophobic, like myself, there ARE spider characters. Not like, a whole lot of them or in long scenes, but they pop up a few times.)

The fantasy genre itself is also used to the reader’s advantage, with the plot hitting both a Grand Quest vibe but with the freshness of the characters’ unique motivations (again, spoilers, sorry! Just go read it!) and a bit of a D&D feel, thanks to certain details and pit-stops. I absolutely want to go campaigning with both adventuring groups focused on throughout the tale!

To pivot back to Orcs and the other peoples, not only do we get more time to see what Orc culture is really like, but we get hints of inter-cultural relationships too. Which, as you know, is also 8,000% my cup of tea.

And not all of these relationships are hetero-presenting – far from it. Queerness is visible and accepted in this world, which is a welcome sigh of relief in a genre that is often still dominated by heteronormative assumptions. Technically, the whole story starts with queerness, since we get Drod’s first interaction with the Siren right off the bat (not that that goes as expected, but any Siren tale comes with the backstory of all siren stories before it, which are more than often romantically coded at least). This is so especially welcome since this series is marketed under BOOM’s ‘kaboom!’ label – I wish dearly that I had read this as a kid. Queer kids reading this will see right away that people like them exist in this world, and are not unwelcome. And I would argue that there’s space for a polyamorous reading of the friendships between 3 of the characters, in particular, leaving space for all kinds of loves to exist in this world.

On that note as well, though there doesn’t seem to be much overt nonbinary representation, both masculine-presenting and feminine-presenting individuals are included in both life at home and on the adventure of the story. Utzu is in fact an adventuring “wife” (well, mated woman) and mother, who ends up with her mate and child on the quest with her. She, and all the other feminine-presenting characters we meet throughout the tale, is presented as a complex, well-rounded individual who is just as multifaceted as any of the male-presenting folk, even more so, in a lot of ways. There is a realism to how everyone of any gender lives and moves through this world and the drama of the plot, which is another inspiring thing.

Really, this whole series is just so wonderfully done!! So fun, with amazing plot, gorgeous art and deep, respectful world building underneath.

Highly, highly recommended.

Check it out here at BOOM! Studios website, here on Comixology, or better yet – call your local comic shop!!

~

Previous Orctober drawings here (this year’s theme – Stones)

Prompt list from qdnox 💚

Prompt list from hitorikart ⚔

~~~

Patreon ~ Etsy ~ Ko-fi

[everlastingfable]

any or all sides of the love square for ship bingo

heck yeah I'm doing the whole love square

ladynoir (ladybug/chat noir)

I really like this one, I love their banter and how much they're willing to trust each other. I definitely prefer chat noir over adrien in these ships because as chat noir he's just a lot cheekier and reckless which I find makes a more interesting character. However, while the little shows of affection chat noir does for ladybug is cute (the rose, the rooftop date) I'm not really a fan of how he sometimes acts like he's entitled to ladybug's attention and time. Like he knows she said she likes someone else and she has a life outside of being ladybug, but he'll still be upset when she doesn't play along. Aside from that, I really do like how well they work as a team. It's kinda like internet friends I guess where they don't know the personal details of each other, but they know each other as a person super well

ladrien (ladybug/adrien)

I'm pretty eh about this pairing, it's definitely not the relationship I'd want to happen first. In contrast to ladynoir, they kinda have to act like they don't know the other, and they are basically just fans of the other. I'm not a fan of marinette/ladybug's tendency to stutter and word vomit her conversations around adrien, and adrien tends to act super shy and timid when around ladybug. Definitely very un-chat noir like. The one upside to this ship though is they actually like each other in this form, but from the episodes I've seen where they interacted it comes off kinda like fan/famous person type of interactions where they're just flustered around the other

adrienette (adrien/marinette)

This one's cute when marinette calms down and can comfortably talk to adrien. I really like how he genuinely enjoys her company, and is comfortable teasing her about her crush on him. Like he has to know she has a crush on him, right? The last scene in the Bakerix episode was so so good because of that, he was being so cheeky about it fjdaslk;fd I need more of that type of interactions between them. Of course that is when he tends to let his chat noir side out a little more. I don't really like this ship because of how adrien tries to keep the perfect image as adrien agreste, so it's like he's holding back. But he is loosening up I think, and marinette is calming down so this ship could probably work pretty well. Also, designer/model power couple?

marichat (marinette/chat noir)

This is my favorite pairing in the love square. My only hold up is a superhero/civilian pairing feels weird to me, but I really really like how this is probably the strongest friends to lovers ship. Like marinette can act much calmer around chat noir, and she's actually pretty sassy around him as marinette. I think much more than when she's ladybug because she isn't also rejecting his advances. Again, chat noir acts so much cheekier and I love that part of him. He jokes around a lot more and acts much fuller of himself which makes it so much funnier if you try to imagine adrien acting the same way as chat noir but out of costume. Also, I like how marinette is also able to see this non-flirting side of chat noir when he's talking to her, and we get this really nice blend of both personas. Chat noir can also come to her with more personal issues that he can't talk to ladybug about because they have to keep that part of their lives secret from each other, and he can't talk to his friends about because he still has to keep the perfect adrien agreste front. There's still that level of pretending-I-don't-know-you, but I feel like unlike ladrien, this one helps them understand the other more in a way they couldn't as their alt persona. Dare I say, this ship is the one where they can be their true selves in

[veilder]

When you think back, do you remember what made you ship Convin in the first place? And can you tell me a bit more about the relationship you headcanon for them? (@connor-sent-by-cyberlife)

Gosh, okay, this is such a loaded question for me, lol! Because I love them so much. It’s gonna be hard to try and distill that into one post. But I’ll try my best! XD

So, right off the bat, there are the canon characters. And, while I find canon!Gavin pretty awful and think a relationship between him and canon!Connor would be a bad idea, there’s still a very real tension between them. It’s not rooted in anything positive, for sure, but there is a lot of passion behind it. They both fill the classic enemies/rivals roles for each other and, well... I’m a really big fan of the enemies (to friends) to lovers trope. So right off the bat, they’ve already kinda sparked my interest, yeah? There’s something there, something not fully formed, but dang, it has a lot of potential! Which is where fanon comes in. I think it’ll come as a surprise to absolutely no one that I absolutely adore a fanon Gavin Reed. A more nuanced take on him where he’s not just a racist caricature and is instead a real, human person with thoughts and feelings and motivations. And, while I don’t really remember my actual introduction to fanon!Gavin, one of the earliest things I read that I remember really sticking with me was the amazing fic, Mind-Blowing, by  Redd000. That fic had such a wonderful iteration of a Gavin who not only had a very complicated backstory and a lot of interesting interpersonal relationships, but also a dynamic character arc that brought him from the canon douchebag we all know and hate to a more empathetic character who could learn and grow and admit that maybe he was wrong. Another very early fic I read that made me really fall in love with fanon!Gavin was A Scratched CD by consecrated. It was one of the first Convin fics I ever remember reading and just... really falling in love with. And it really went a long way toward making me just adore the potential relationship between the two of them.  Now, this was still back in the early days when I was still giving other ships a try and seeing what I liked and didn’t, but between already having a sort of bias for the enemies to lovers dynamic and now seeing the absolute goldmine of potential that a relationship between them could deliver on, I was kinda sold. And I think maybe the final nail in that coffin was the esteemed Traces by berryblonde. It was... such a memorable fic for me. The twists and turns of it were amazing. The backstory the author built up. The slow paradigm shifts happening throughout. The case and the way all the players fit together. It was just... It was and is still one of my favorite fics on the Archive. Highly recommend to anyone looking for not just a good Convin fic, but a great casefic/mystery/drama in general.  But the thing all of these had in common was just such a wonderfully built Gavin Reed. Seriously, I was quickly at the point where I couldn’t even read him as a villain anymore, it just seemed so strange to me. Because all of these fics painted such a nuanced, complicated man. One capable admitting he was wrong and doing his best to right his wrongs. Whether platonic or romantic, it was his interactions with Connor that always drove him forward towards becoming a better man. And, as a flawed human being myself, there is something so appealing about that. Of seeing a redemption arc play out like this again and again, of seeing that second chances can be had, that even the worst people can turn themselves around and get back on the right path. It was so... affirming. And it all just kinda tied things together in my mind, too. That Connor was this catalyst, this reagent that burst into Gavin’s cozy worldview and shook him up enough to have to reevaluate himself in the upheaval.  But what’s more than that, I also think Gavin is a great catalyst for Connor’s character growth, too. Because, much like Hank, Gavin is someone who’s character growth and dynamic shift would be such a positive influence on someone like Connor. Connor, who spent so much of his short time alive being the villain. Doing bad things for bad people. Doing his best to shut down a movement that ultimately granted him and all his people freedom. I feel like Connor wouldn’t be a stranger to regret, to that urgent desire to change, and to the fallout left in the wake of that. I think, ultimately, Connor and Gavin’s arcs would almost mirror each other. That there’s a lot both of them could take away from the other in regards to forgiveness and maturing as people and second chances to do what’s right. I think Connor needs to let go of his hatred of his machine self just as much as Gavin does. And there’s something in that symmetry that just... It speaks to such a deep understanding between them. A shared experience between a human and a machine. Something they can both empathize with in each other. And that, more than anything, is the basis of a good, healthy, long-lasting relationship in my opinion. I think they would be very good for each other once they both move past their hangups. Two people who can grow both together and as individuals. I just think it’s a beautiful dynamic and such a strong foundation to base a relationship on. It makes me believe that they would be a couple who lasts.  And then there’s the fact that they both are very competent people, too! (In fanon at least, lol! XD) I absolutely love that sort of buddy cop vibe these two would have (sometimes literally) where one of them is super analytical and the other is reckless and spontaneous? While being total badasses, too! But both working together would balance each other out perfectly. I feel like Connor would help make up for Gavin’s tactlessness while Gavin helps Connor feel more human. They’d both shake each other up, help each other out of their comfort zones and into a fuller experience of life. They’re such great foils for each other and I think it makes them so balanced in terms of a relationship, too. And that goes for the banter as well. They can both be sarcastic little shitheads and omg, it’s so funny the way some authors write that! Top tier banter is a sign of a great Convin fic imo, lol! They’re just the perfect characters for that sort of humor! XD But I really believe having a sense of humor you can share with a partner would be such a boon to a romantic relationship, too. And, y’know... seeing them laugh at and with each other just makes me smile. I love knowing they enjoy each other’s company so much and that they’re so happy together. Gah, it makes me absolutely melt. Ultimately, this is how I love to both read and write them. As two flawed individuals trying to move past their past transgressions. Growing. Changing. Learning that they’re not so dissimilar. Understanding each other more fully than they’d ever expect. Bonds deepening, affection growing, a language of their own developing between them. And then, the pin dropping. The realization. And a love that can and will last. All the while being quippy little badasses, lol! (And if you want a great example of all of this, I’d be remiss not to recommend perhaps my favorite Convin fic of all, Mission: Unexpected, by J11nxed. It’s so good. It’s the fic I always go back to when I need cheering up. And it’s absolutely the dynamic I try for when I write Convin myself. It’s a long fic but it’s so worth reading!)  So yeah... That is... the most basic answer I could give to this, lol. I just... really love this ship a whole lot and I’m actually so glad you asked about it because I love sharing my thoughts on it with others. And, y’know, hoping that maybe my words would get them to give it a chance if they haven’t before. Hopefully, there aren’t too many typos, lol! There’s no way I’m going back through this freakin essay, omg. XD But yeah, hope this answered your question sufficiently, friend! :D

[the-great-tiger-of-mumbai]

This blog still active?

//TL;DR: Semi-active and a lurker more often than not. I ended up writing a fucklong essay as a response, lmao, so I’m just gonna tuck that under the Read Below.

I’m busier more often than not, and part of the inactivity with the Tiger blog is mostly because of the lack of a fuller Punch-Out!! community to interact with. I’ve tried reaching out to other fandoms, OCs, and even the Smash community, but each interaction felt so isolated and in a bubble that I end up burning my muse out quickly. This doubles when I use up prompts.

My RP style, I come to realize, works best with a thriving community that interacts with each other even if I’m absent, with constant storytelling that gives us motivations to meet up, catch up, solve problems, and feel alive. For the most part nowadays, you’ll find me RPing in WoW as a Storyteller, as not only can we RP in real time, but I can watch others interact and feel more of a community to merge into. Some years ago, the Punch-Out!! community had that--I was the resident Great Tiger, there were a handful of Macs, Joes, and Arans, we had a Don, we even had a Carmen. Folks would come to Tiger for shenanigans usually involving him being a shitlord showboat around them, or just for nice hangouts. Hell, some of the best interactions I’ve had often involved pushing Tiger into romance despite being asexual and averse to relationships, or when there was a story thread going on. Alas, not everyone can put the time and energy in RPing a thread like I do, and people run out of muse for good. And that’s perfectly fine and valid. Fads come and go, interests change, people outgrow, graduate, get work, get married, etc. Life moves on. I’m still in contact with some RP buddies and I still check out their blogs on Tumblr. Myself? I mostly lurk nowadays on other people’s RP blogs just to see how they’re doing because I still enjoy watching other people interact. And if I do actually RP, it’s likely going to be on @peppy-pilot​, as the Star Fox community is still fairly thriving.

I can, however, be more active when there are people to be active with.... but frankly, I can’t RP in an isolated bubble via one-on-one threads anymore. I need a community. I want to sit at tables and watch my colleagues talk about their recent date gone back. I want to have a poker game wherein we all yell on top of our lungs over who is cheating or not. I want casual hangouts in the gym where we throw barbs at each other while sparring or just exercising. And no, I’m not talking ships and coffee dates and happy endings AU where nobody is anyone’s enemy--they feel obviously constructed, lifeless, inorganic, and frankly, boring. Most RP I see within Tumblr (so not just Punch-Out!!) are very heavily involved shipping, interactive fix-fics, and isolated incidents that go nowhere, especially AUs where continuity doesn’t matter. I’m not slamming on those who enjoy them, though. You do you. And I did enjoy them for a time. But when that is all I have for RP, then I lost interest fast as I am taken out of the element wherein I join the RP to begin with: living the life of an Indian boxer capable of magic.

There is also the fact that few people will put as much effort into how I RP and it frustrates me. I have nothing--absolutely nothing--against people who only want short, sweet, shitposty funtimes; they’re fun too. But sometimes I want something well meaning that brings genuine character development. And sometimes... people don’t care about Tiger being more than a magical handsome Hindi-speaking boxer in a turban. And that’s fine--because in the end, in Nintendo canon, that’s all he really is. Sadly, past experiences with some RP here often don’t try to explore the humanity in our interactions beyond ships and other superficial scenarios. It gets tiring. 

And the same applies with my partners as well. If I’m going to interact with a Don Flamenco or an Aran Ryan, for instance, I don’t just want our interactions entirely be about Carmen, potatoes, and cheeseburgers. Give me a peek into Don’s life under Francisco Franco, or what Aran thinks about the Troubles. Give me Don’s opinions of Spain’s historical fascination of France and how it shaped Madrid today. Give me Aran’s thoughts on why he’s speaking English when he could be speaking Gaelic. No? Too hard? Too much history? Too much research to do? You just want to focus RP and interactions with Don using eyeliner and Aran having McDonald’s? Fine, go ahead, you can have your fun, I give you my blessings. But know that, in contrast, it’ll feel like my countless, countless hours of researching Sikh and Mumbaikar culture, hand and head gestures, understandings of the English language, fashion, Mumbai’s city demographics and layouts, the impact of the 1984 Sikh Massacre, and making Great Tiger a living and breathing person beyond memes would be absolutely complete waste of time.

I am not dissuading anyone from interacting with me if all you want to do is silly fun shitposty shenanigans. Those are fun, we can do it. But I will be absolutely upright and upfront in that I might get bored with that quickly, and if you panic at the idea of trying to keep up with me, just so you can have quality Great Tiger interactions, stop right there. It’s just roleplay. It’s supposed to be fun. And I am not your be-all-end-all person for all your Great Tiger needs. Don’t force yourself into something you will not enjoy. I will never forget about the time I have accidentally discouraged people from roleplay because I took the moment to tell someone that you should not mistaken turban-wearing Indians for Muslims. I am fully aware I intimidate people, but that is mostly because I’m a culture/history nerd who has been reading, writing, and creating since the 90s. I just have more experience under my belt and my RP needs are a reflection of that. If you’re absolutely new, hit me up. If you’re also experienced and want to try me out, go for it and send me an Ask or tag me in a post! If we’re not compatible, we’re not compatible, but at least we gave it a try. Discord is also an option (and a far better medium for private one-on-one RPs than Tumblr), and if you like WoW and are able to join a private server, I’m available on Freedom. As of this writing we’re currently on Legion in the Suramar arc and my main characters are a couple of draenei twins and an orc.

[margotverger]

top 5 best hannibal takes and worst hannibal takes. go

okay i’m going to do this generally on what other people’s takes (that i’ve seen or read somewhere) are because none of my hannibal takes are bad. 

top 5 best:

that margot should have been butch in the tv show and that the margot/alana romance could have been developed a little more, i’ll elaborate more on the butch angle in top 5 worst, but i think while i enjoy marlana in s3 (who doesn’t) i do think that there could have been a Little More to it, especially since there was admittedly a lot of gratuitous metaphorical work on a visual or verbal level in early s3 that didn’t... really do much after the first few, and that i think bryan fuller definitely got a bit self-indulgent. while i love s3 i think it was weaker because it got quite ensnared in feeling like it had to explain everyone’s individual recovery (not a bad thing necessarily and the looping narrative definitely had this feeling of “time has been changed, mutilated, adjusted after mizumono”, but on a narrative level it could have probably still been achieved but left more room for things to. Happen) and i think that some of the excess could have been trimmed to allow for more margot-alana development beyond simply talking about taking revenge, i would have loved to see some genuine conversation that only affected both of them that made us realise just why alana would raise the child with her, why they would get marriedーalana having very little dating life and presumably trauma around relationships since her immediate ex tried to murder her and is also a serial killer, and margot having been traumatised repeatedly due to being a lesbian in a very homophobic family, they deserved some space in order to explore why exactly they mean a lot to each other. even a singular scene that didn’t depend on taking vengeance on the men who hurt them would have given us enough i think. 

lara jean chorostecki’s hot take (implied) that freddie would have a wife. groundbreaking. love that. regardless of bryan fuller i am assuming with full confidence that freddie lounds has a wife after the timeskip

autistic will graham. enough said. hugh dancy’s only stupid thing was saying will isn’t autistic. that was a sin. will graham is autistic

lesbian abigail hobbs. lesbian abigail hobbs!

the hot take that hannibal doesn’t do its women characters justice, this isn’t just about deaths (i do agree that for the gothic horror narrative characters are doomed to some extent, and i don’t overly grieve over deaths that came too early, so i’m not too fussed) but on a writing level, bryan fuller definitely tries to portray himself as a very woman-positive author who introduces feminine energy - and he does! but at the same time there is a lack in developing relationships between women, and for a story to truly give space to be a genuinely woman-positive story there needs to be strong relationships between women that don’t depend on men; obviously since hannibal’s presence is insidious and infects everything, as is his luciferian ways, and will’s often the binding agent, this can’t be entirely avoided but regardless of hannibal they can exist, on some small level, individually. we saw that a lot in s1! between abigail and freddie and alana and abigail mostly, plus there was a small glimpse at it in season 3 with bedelia and chiyoh (underrated imo i would love to see further into why bedelia has her views of chiyoh and what that means ... i hope they interact again if hannibal s4 comes to pass!). so it proves there is room for it. it doesn’t need to be every episode or even have a huge arc but seeing hannibal pass the bechdel test more than like. twice a season would be nice!

top 5 worst takes:

that bedannibal is more romantic than hannigram (lol)... i love bedelia and bedannibal a lot but that’s just. hm. incorrect

that hannibal has never loved anybody except will. i’ve wrote about this before but i think that’s a deliberate misunderstanding of the character hannibal. what is unique about hannibal and will’s relationship is not the presence of love but the presence of being changed by that love; transformation is at its core, the openness to being adjusted or altered... recognition, seeing, understanding, and that allowing compassion not only for the other (in hannibal’s case) but for the self (in will’s case). hannibal loves a lot, but his love is not separate from crueltyーi think this is where people misunderstand. just because he is willing to hurt or harm people isn’t, in the narrative (not in real life), because he doesn’t love them. his cruelty is because he loves people enough he wants to bring them to the height of their being, in extremis. he loved alana, which is why he showed her a chance at mercy. he loved bedelia. he loved jack. he loved abigail! he loved bella especially, and he genuinely mourned. these went beyond fascinations; these were genuine expressions of affection, love, whether they be platonic or romantic or familial. hannibal’s flaw is not that he is incapable of love. and personally i think to disrespect his relationships with other characters (who are all women, black or both lol) in order to further isolate the white m/m relationship is... not ideal. not a sign that someone is wholly prejudiced but i think it’s something we should be critical about, especially when hannibal through word of god is confirmed to love other people. 

bryan fuller’s own take that margot being femme is somehow less prejudiced or problematic than if she was butch. i haven’t read the book yet but i already know that margot’s portrayal as a butch lesbian was problematic but thomas harris is . undoubtedly prejudiced in many ways and that’s a fault of him, not a fault of the existence of being butchーbeing butch isn’t just a “stereotype” it’s a genuine mode of existence, it’s an intricate relationship with gender, sexuality and love, and butchness deserves to be represented as something beautiful, desirable and complex... instead of just deciding she should be conventionally feminine because that’s somehow more progressive. but then again he also made her have sex with a man so you know. lol

ANY take that involves over-analysing who is a top or who is a bottom and then rendering the characters into homophobic/fetishistic stereotypes. it’s ugly! it’s weird! keep that shit away from me. also any take involving “dark!will”. again that just does the character of will disrespect lol. the whole point of will is that he is morally complex and perhaps beyond the human scopeーhe is not just an echo of hannibal... i’ve seen one too many fics where will just becomes a savage brutal unfeeling murderer who only cares about hannibal after s3. like please watch the show

that hannibal is a narcissist/sociopath... or any other ableist interpretations. not every villain is a narcissistic (a genuine disorder) sociopath (just another word associated with npd etc) just because they do bad things. they’re very real disorders that people deal with and are infinitely more complex than just a character having a god complex and killing people. the whole point about hannibal is that he exceeds what is considered neurodivergent and while i don’t mind if people with similar disorders relate to him (much like how i relate to will’s autistic traits) i think a lot of bad comes from people throwing the label sociopath around because it becomes dehumanising and leads to further stigma against truly vulnerable people. 

basically any trope that just does a character a disservice or neglects the actual story in further of fetishistic thinking, prejudiced thinking, ableist thinking... will graham can be autistic because of his empathy (i’ve seen it implied that he can’t be because of it when, as a very empathetic autistic person, hyper-empathy is a very common if not universal symptom, it just appears differently) and hannibal is not a sociopath just because he kills and eats people. and we should all have a little sip of critical thinking juice

[very-grownup]

THE YEAR IS 2020 AND I WATCHED NEON GENESIS EVANGELION FOR THE FIRST TIME, PART 13

Episode 25.

I spend twenty minutes after the episode ends trying to articulate what I think happened to my friends, gesticulating wildly.

The episode starts with a condensed version of the last upsetting bits of the previous episode and thus sets the ground for my difficulty in expressing my thoughts on it because of the imperfect intersection of linear narrative and metaphorical examination of selfhood. I've been trying to follow the show as a narrative, even as things dissolve, but here everything just goes STOP NO CONTEXT JUST IDEA AND INTERNAL INTERROGATION which I think I follow but I have difficulty following WHILE ALSO thinking about giant robots.

Something bad happened after the events of the last episode and maybe in the overall narrative structure that's all that matters? I guess this episode is about the question of what the end goals of all the barely understood players are vis-à-vis humanity through Shinji et al.

How can we be our fullest self? What and who informs who that self is? The passive approach, as seen in Shinji, isn't it. You cannot only do what you are directly told to do and you can't intuit what other people want you to do as unspoken directions.

The isolationist approach, as seen in Asuka, isn't it, either. Trying to act and live above and without human connections or direction has made her sense of self the most fragile. She's just a shell projecting an ideal around a core of hatred.

Misato is there as, perhaps, the end result of trying to live life like Shinji into adulthood (the result of Asuka's approach is evident because she's shattered), a projected false self created to fulfill the outside expectations of others while the inner self gets lost.

Rei I feel is the one who is closest to having it 'right' insomuch as there can be a right way to be a human being (and perhaps part of what Evangelion and its characters are grappling with is that there isn't or if there is, it's not a simple thing). She recognizes that who Rei is is shaped by Rei's interactions with other people and the passage of time and I think that Rei 3's apparent rejection or turn on Gendo's influence is because she knows that's not the entirety of it. Everyone is confronted to some degree by the fact that the version of themselves seen by other people is flawed but in Rei's case she's able to know it in a profound way because she is aware of the previous Reis and their memories but also of herself as distinct from them. So Shinji knows her but he doesn't Know Her and much of what Rei knows of others is removed, the Rei deaths and recreations putting a barrier between a direct human connection. The human connection is key but perhaps the degree to which so much of it is abstracted in Rei is why she isn't fully emotionally engaged as a person, even when her understanding of personhood is so much fuller than the others. No human connection leads to Asuka: fragile and quickly destroyed. Shinji recognizes the importance of the human connection, maybe, but fails to enact the how and in its place he has the projections of what he thinks other people want guiding him.

The people in our hearts aren't real people but just manifestations of our self speaking through puppets that look like people we know and can't substitute for human connection and create a similarly false self for the benefit of the false people projections (Misato).

Shinji's fear of being hurt by human connections results in his inability to make human connections and his holding himself up to the standards of imagined human connections which are unsatisfying and disappointing to everyone, including him.

Gendo's Human Instrumentality Project seems to be about recognizing the need for human connections, specifically individuals filling needs for each other that cannot be filled by the individual alone, both for the pursuit of fulfilling the need to find the true self but also taking humanity beyond humanity. I think it's because Gendo has sublimated his grief and sense of loss with respect to his wife into viewing the ability of individuals to obtain fulfillment and then lose it as a weakness that can be overcome.

If all of humanity loses its individuality and turns into the orange tang all humans are always complete and cannot be made incomplete by losing part of themselves. This is too much connection and gross, indistinguishable. What is the point of this if there is no individual?

Right now it looks like all approaches are imperfect and lead to failure, certainly in the context of Evangelion and these characters.

Visually everything is very cool in this episode even though the budget limitations are obvious. The work arounds are creative and inform the substance of what's being said, I think? There's distortion and dissolving and isolated figures on foldout chairs under spotlights.

My favourite thing is how the false characters, the characters talking to the real characters in the chair, are clearly drawn differently, badly, off model. Something is done to indicate their lack of realness, especially the false Shinji in Misato's heart.

I'm sorry if this commentary has become increasingly boring, I'm sorry if I'm doing or talking about Evangelion wrong or badly or pointlessly. I've really enjoyed it. This concludes my report on the penultimate episode of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

The final episode behind the cut.

Episode 26.

I appreciate the honesty of opening the episode with text that basically announces "look we don't have the time to explain everything so we're just going to explain it as it pertains to this microcosm called Shinji". It's a very clever/honest sort of meta acknowledgement of MAN THE BUDGET OOPS but I feel it's also in a way of framing the psychological aspect of the narrative as something that is not unique to Shinji but Shinji is merely the lens through which something more universal is viewed.

The episode seems to be divided into four distinct sections. The first bit is a ramped up version of the meditative internal discussions that have become increasingly frequent during the series. Interrogation by on screen text asking questions like are you happy, why aren't you happy, what do you want, why do you want this, why do you do that ... some of them very basic therapy sort of questions, others being refinements of that, questions meant to prompt you to look inward for an answer only you have.

But although we're told that this is an examination of Shinji sometimes Asuka is answering, sometimes Rei is answering. Sometimes they're asking the questions. Sometimes other characters are asking or elaborating, unseen.

Previously I've talked about feeling like narrative-wise things have been dissolving, when I try to recall a sequence of events, but here what's dissolving is the distinction between the characters because the experiences are unique but the feelings are inherently universal.

There's a lot of different things going on here, visually. Still portraits, reused footage from previous episodes, repeated shots of a rotary phone with the cable cut really sticks in my mind for some reason, what seem to be actual black and white photos of contemporary Japan. There's a universal quality and it's also how everything around you, all the people and experiences, make up the you that you are, shown with an outline of Shinji that's filled with rapidly flashing poorly imposed images of others that don't fit in his outline. It's cool.

That's when the episode transitions to its second bit which is, like, I don't know. It's a bit student film, it's a bit like that Loony Toons bit where Daffy Duck is talking directly to the animator who can erase and redraw him at will. It's barely animated in parts.

I had this understanding that Evangelion ran out of money near the end and that the last episode was barely animated at all and I think I assumed it would be like how I understand the second disc of Xenogears to be, just ... text because we can't do assets? But it's not. It's unpolished and sketchy and minimal, in spots just pencil drawings or roughly coloured in with markers, at one point it's just wave forms? But it was sad and weirdly beautiful and it felt like an extension of Shinji's internal struggle for meaning and understanding. Maybe because the lack of budget gives it an aesthetic similar to a student or art school film, it informs the material with a sincerity that I feel would be lacking in a more polished, traditional product. The fewer hands that can be felt in something the more /authentic/ it feels.

I, at least, have a greater patience and a great appreciation for something when I feel an authentic quality from it, even though that's only my perception. Form and substance compliment each other here, even if it's just because of budget constraints.

There's a really good part where it's just Shinji in a white void and it's, you know, about how that's the safest because there's nothing constraining him because he's the only thing, but it feels empty because how do we know what we are if we have no references. So a horizontal line is drawn and that's the ground in this white void and Shinji is then standing on the ground and it's reassuring, it's a reality that simultaneously limits your options but in limiting them defines what they are. It's just ... good.

Once things have been completely broken down it's time to I think reassemble them and that's the third part of the episode where Shinji wakes up in an otoge game where everything is good and normal and Asuka's his childhood friend, his mother is alive (but still faceless) and his father ... also exists and is not being actively cruel but hidden behind a newspaper, similarly faceless, existing but known (he's at the table, Yui is in the kitchen with her back always to the camera), Misato's his hot teacher, Rei is the new transfer student ... There's running to school with toast in mouth (from otoge Rei). Shinji's just a Normal Teen (but the normalcy is false, this weird artificial hyper normalcy that contrasts with the sad, raw realness of Shinji's life in Tokyo 3).

That's on the stage that Shinji is watching from his stool in the empty gymnasium with Misato and it goes dark and it's like ... this is another reality but I don't think it's meant to be a quantum thing but an example of the potential of, like, /imagine/ a you who is happy. So this is the fourth part of the episode and it's characters, every single character, interrogating Shinji, pointing out Shinji's flaws, and giving him ... advice? Guidance? A lot of it is ... bad. The characters recognize real problems Shinji has, that Shinji knows he has and then they tell him things which are presented as, for lack of a better term, 'solutions' to his problems of self. But a lot of them are not actionable. Some of them are little more than 'you hate yourself but have you considered ... not hating yourself?'

Much like when Shinji gets praised, once, by his father for what he did in the robot and that is assumed to be good because it's good in comparison to the nothing he's received, the words Shinji gets here are presumed good because they're actual acknowledgement of his problems.

The result is Shinji standing on the earth, surrounded by the other characters, announcing that he is determined to care for himself, and they all applaud and congratulate him and it's weird. It's presented as happy but there's no emotion. No emotion in this climax of a series that has so effectively evoked so much emotion, raw and powerful and real and relatable. It's not happy. It's not sad, either. It's just an absence of sadness. It's this orange tang safety in muted absence of loneliness or danger. I think because Shinji is given good conclusions for his problems (self-worth and love have to come from within, you need to allow yourself to care for yourself or you'll never believe completely that others can care for you) but he's not shown a good path to get there. What people tell Shinji gives him an understanding of what the goal is (happiness) but none of the tools to get him to happiness, something he has no real personal experience with, so the ending he arrives at isn't authentic. It's a false construct, like the otoge realty.

It's not a good ending but I think it wants there to be a good ending and the viewer to recognize when a 'good' ending isn't really good. It's a lot to think about. This concludes my report on the final episode of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

[brawlingdiscontent]

On eating Will’s brain

Spoilers for all of Hannibal, tl;dr at the end, if you don’t feel like reading 2500 words.

This very long meta post will attempt to answer the common question: why did Hannibal try to eat Will’s brain in Dolce (3.6)?

Introduction

There’s a beautiful ambiguity to Fuller’s characters in Hannibal. Character is primarily revealed not by direct statement of thoughts and feelings (as characters’ statements are often ambiguous and about what appear to be peripheral issues), but by juxtaposition. This includes juxtaposition of a character’s actions over time, thematic mirrors of their situations in the case-of-the-week, and the many mirrored/foiled relationships that pop up, whereby the characters are defined against each other. (For example, Will/Tobias, Will/Peter, Will/Pazzi, Will/Gideon, Will/Chiyoh, etc.--Fuller uses these pairings to tell us something about Will in the ways that he is or is not like them, according to his own perceptions, those of others, and that of the audience). The show uses this ambiguity of character to raise questions about key themes, such as human capacity or potential for evil. 

While this is a riveting artistic strategy, it makes the characters’ interactions and intentions increasingly unclear, especially when even the more straightforward characters like Alana drift toward ambiguity by season 3. This is why I think there's so much confusion about what will heretofore be known as the head-sawing incident, and also why I also consider this post to be a reading of the situation, and not necessarily the authoritative one.

1. Duality

One of my favourite things about Hannibal is its duality, the show’s ability to hold onto ambiguity, even with two seemingly contradictory ideas. The acts of the darkest horror can co-exist with the deepest love. When Will clutches Hannibal close and pulls them off a cliff, it’s the acknowledgement that Hannibal’s always wanted of their perfect sympathy (Will decides that he has to go too because of his similarity to Hannibal) at the same time as a murder/suicide. When Hannibal gives himself up to the police it’s an act of shocking romanticism (he is literally sacrificing his freedom for Will) at the same time as it is clear threat, Hannibal saying to Will ‘you’ll never be rid of me’. It’s in the line of this duality that I read Hannibal’s attempt to eat Will’s brain.

In my ongoing analysis I’ll be using text, context and subtext to determine Hannibal’s feelings and motives. 

So, for context: What preceded Hanni’s bad decision? 

2. Mizumono (2.13) - The gutting incident

Hannibal and Will’s ‘breakup’ at the end of season 2 is what may mostly strongly come to mind as the inciting moment for the head-sawing incident; however, Will’s betrayal, the cause of the breakup, is not what caused Hannibal to wield the bone saw.

Think about it: if Hannibal wanted to kill Will only because of his betrayal, he likely would have just dug his knife a little deeper in Mizumono. Instead, Hannibal states he forgives Will via killing Abigail--“I forgive you Will, will you forgive me?” (2.13) (thereby setting up a pattern whereby death creates forgiveness). No, as Chilton reveals, “Will Graham is alive because Hannibal Lecter likes him that way” (3.4). (I should note that Hannibal preserving Will’s life at the end of season 2 is an act that again, in the show’s dualism, speaks of his regard for Will as much as it does his wish to make Will suffer for his betrayal by having to live with the pain of Abigail's death.)

So if Hannibal isn’t trying to kill Will over his betrayal at the end of season 2, what is the reason? It must be a result of something that happened after that, in season 3. 

3. Antipasto (3.1) - A clean break?

My reading here depends upon the understanding that Hannibal’s actions in Mizumono were intended to be the end of that chapter of his life. He cuts ties with his old life in the most Hannibal fashion: by leaving four people bleeding on the ground. When he walks out into the rain, he is figuratively washing himself of that life, and all of his old connections. Or so he thinks. 

Florence was supposed to be a clean break for Hannibal (although one could argue that his bringing Bedelia stems from an unconscious desire to hold onto it), but what happens when he gets to Florence? Rather than continuing happily in his murderous ways, he actually tries to establish a peace: “I've found a peace here that I would preserve. I've killed hardly anybody during our residence” (3.1). His desire for this peace is so strong, that he seeks to preserve it even when it means letting Sogliato get away being a dick to him, something that an earlier Hannibal would never have let stand (“My killing Sogliato now would not preserve the peace” (3.1)).

It isn’t until the episode’s end, months after his arrival in Florence, that he breaks this holding pattern with Anthony Dimmond (arguably killing Dimmond for not being Will, but that’s another post), and thus it is fitting, since Dimmond helped him to ‘untwist’, that he uses Dimmond’s twisted body to reveal the cause of his uncharacteristic behaviour, both to us and to himself: Will has broken his heart. 

I think this is the first time Hannibal begins to understand what Will says to him in Mizumono, that he “already did” change Hannibal the way that Hannibal changed him. Rather than rolling off of Hannibal’s back like he intended, Will’s betrayal has touched him, changed him, radically altered his behavior--because Hannibal loves him.

4. Secondo (3.3) - Therapy with Bedelia or He made you feel feelings? What a bitch.

Secondo is a key episode for understanding this conundrum because it's this season's ‘Hannibal goes to therapy’ episode. It starts and ends with a ‘therapy session’ between Bedelia and Hannibal, closing with Hannibal's realization: “I have to eat him.” These two scenes that bookend the episode are the most important to my understanding of Hannibal’s motivations re: the head-sawing incident.

At the very beginning of Secondo we see Hannibal returning to Florence after leaving his bloody valentine in Palermo. Bedelia meets him at the train station and asks him if it was good to see Will, and Hannibal replies “among other things.” This sets up the therapy session that follows which is about unpacking those ‘other things.’ 

So how does Hannibal work out his feelings for Will? Remember how I said Fuller’s characters are defined by juxtaposition? The realization that Hannibal might perhaps love Will prompts him to think of the only other person he has loved: his sister, Mischa.

In their second session, Bedelia introduces this parallel into their discussion:

BEDELIA: What your sister made you feel was beyond your conscious ability to control or predict.

HANNIBAL: Or negotiate.

BEDELIA: I would suggest that what Will Graham makes you feel is not dissimilar. (then) A force of mind and circumstance.

HANNIBAL Love.

I would argue that until this time, the early episodes of season 3, Hannibal never considered the possibility that he loved Will. Of course he knew he was intrigued by Will (or as Bedelia put it ‘obsessed with Will’), he knew that he cared about Will, but love is something that has not come up before--in regards to Will or anyone else (when discussing Abigail, it’s that Hannibal ‘cared about her’ as much as Will did; the one indirect mention of love between Will and Hannibal before this was in Will’s dream/fantasy in 2.9). Thus the introduction of love -- the idea the he loves Will -- is the huge pivot on which 3.3 turns for Hannibal. 

So how does Hannibal make the leap from love to murder? From something else that Will and Mischa have in common: their potential to incite betrayal. When Bedelia brings up the subject of betrayal (presumably in the context of Will), Hannibal, running with the already established Will-Mischa parallel responds:

Mischa didn’t betray me. She would influence me to betray myself.

This, I think, is the most important line defining the head-sawing incident. The specifics of what happened with Mischa are never quite made clear--but what does he mean by ‘she would influence me to betray myself’? From the context provided, the implication that I take from this is that whether this influence was conscious (perhaps Mischa actively dissuading Hanni from nefarious plots while she was alive) or unconscious (that just by dying she had the power to hurt him), Mischa’s influence itself was a direct result of Hannibal’s love for her--she was able to influence him because--and only because--he loved her.

To see where Will comes into this, here’s the full close to the episode:

HANNIBAL: Mischa didn’t betray me. She would influence me to betray myself. (then) But I forgave her that influence. 

BEDELIA: If past behavior is an indicator of future behavior, there is only one way for you to forgive Will Graham.

HANNIBAL: I have to eat him.

What exactly would Hannibal be forgiving Will for, here? As discussed, he’s already forgiven him for his betrayal in Mizumono with Abigail's death (remember the whole, “I forgive you, Will, will you forgive me? (2.13) and murder = forgiveness pattern). Furthermore, earlier in the episode Hannibal admits that he’s “vague on those details” when Bedelia asks him whether he’s the betrayer or betrayed between him and Will. My argument is that the Will-Mischa parallel that this scene establishes re: love, also applies in this situation re: betrayal; Will again mirrors Mischa. Thus it isn’t Will’s betrayal that Hannibal needs to forgive, it’s Will’s influence, which causes Hannibal to betray himself (hence Hannibal’s earlier confusion on who betrayed whom). And what is the mechanism of this influence and self-betrayal? Hannibal’s love for Will.  So really what Hannibal has to forgive Will for is making him love him, and the only way to do that is to kill him (remember, murder = forgiveness).

But why is the idea that he might love Will such a big deal for Hannibal? And what exactly is this self-betrayal that he has to forgive Will for causing?

5.  Control, authenticity and the self 

Hannibal loves control. This includes control over others/situations (he blows on Will’s soup in Dolce because he has to control every element of the situation and Will burning his mouth on his hot soup doesn’t suit his plan, it would be ‘sloppy’; another example is the care he took with bandaging Abel Gideon) and also perfect control of himself.  His ‘re-natured nature’ as Bryan Fuller puts, how he shapes himself through sheer force of will, is perhaps his most defining feature. Hannibal’s love for Will marks a loss of control, for as Hannibal admits: “we cannot choose with respect to who we fall in love” (3.3). 

But further than that, Hannibal’s love for Will is a threat to his sense of self.

Arguably, Hannibal’s desire for personal authenticity and self-actualization is his greatest drive. He expresses and achieves this drive through art in all its forms, including fashion, the culinary arts, and of course, murder-art. He is never evil for its own sake, but rather his evilness is an effect of him valuing self-determination and self-actualization over morality: it’s an extreme and shocking form of individualism. He not only acts on these principles for himself, but is constantly guiding others by them. We see this in how he pushes Will to be his ‘best’ (murder-y) self, and in his interactions with many other characters--perhaps most obviously Randall Tier. 

For Hannibal, to love means one thing: to compromise this drive and thus to be compromised. Whether that’s out of care for the object of his affections (“my compassion for you is inconvenient, Will”) or the pain/heartbreak that person can cause (moping around Florence for several months, making literal compromises to ‘keep the peace’ because he’s depressed about his break up)--when Hannibal loves someone he is not free to be his truest Cannibal self. Loving Will, then, is a deep existential threat to Hannibal, a threat which can only be vanquished by consuming him, and thus re-affirming his sense of self (if we think of cannibalism as Hannibal’s peak level of self-actualization). Chilton says that, “cannibalism is an act of dominance” (2.6); by engaging in it in Dolce and eating Will’s brain Hannibal is hoping to assert dominance over his feelings for Will and regain control (while at the same time committing a symbolic act of joining and carnal closeness--duality!)

Thus the takeaway from this section is that Will’s real crime for which he needs to be forgiven, and the reason has to die is not because he betrayed Hannibal, but because he made Hannibal love him. Through this love, Will presents a deep, existential threat to Hannibal’s sense of self, and so for Hannibal the situation is literally life or death; worse, in fact, for Hannibal would much rather die than compromise himself. It’s him or Will, and in Dolce, Hannibal makes the choice to save himself--but whether or not he could ultimately have gone through it, it’s all negated by the choices he makes in the next episode.

6. Digestivo (3.7) - The fallout

I’m not sure that we see the moment that Hannibal changes his mind and decides that he’s not going to (or can’t) kill Will. Perhaps he might have pulled away even while wielding the bone saw if they hadn’t been interrupted; perhaps seeing Cordell’s severed flesh in Will’s mouth reminded him of how beautiful they could be together; perhaps, even, he understands that his bargain with Alana for Will’s life extends indefinitely; but, regardless of what caused it, we see the evidence of this decision in his conversation with Will at the end of 3.7:

HANNIBAL: Do we talk about teacups and time and the rules of disorder?

WILL: The teacup is broken. It’ll never gather itself back together again.

HANNIBAL: Not even in your mind? (off his look) Your memory palace is building. It’s full of new things. It shares some rooms with my own. I’ve discovered you there. Victorious.

My reading of this scene is that telling Will he’s discovered him ‘victorious’ is Hannibal’s cryptic way of saying that Will’s won. Will’s victory here is the fact that Hannibal can’t or actively chooses not to kill him and instead is willing to sacrifice what’s most important to him--his sense of self, and, as we see shortly after this conversation, his freedom. In fact, through my reading, Hannibal giving himself up at the end of the episode is hardly surprising and pales in comparison to what he’s already sacrificed in letting Will live. Thus Hannibal’s self-surrender to the FBI is the final step in a beautiful character arc that has him move from gutting Will at the end of season 2 for threatening his freedom (--“You would take my life?” --“Not your life, no.” --“My freedom then?” (2.13)) to sacrificing this freedom willingly just so that Will can’t get away from him--placing their relationship/love over and above his own self preservation, and proving what Will asserts at the end of season 2 -- that he’s already changed Hannibal as Hannibal changed him. 

So thus, whereas some people in the fandom see Hannibal’s ‘eat Will’ plot as something he wasn’t thinking clearly about, or attribute it to the influence of Bedelia (I think this doesn’t give Hannibal enough credit as an independent thinker, and in fact, don’t think Bedelia attempted to sway him in any way on this point--that’s Hannibal’s game, she just wants to study him as he is)--I see Hannibal’s ‘eat Will plot’ as borne directly from his love for Will, and in some ways a demonstration of that love.

One final note (TWOTL, 3.13): playing into the key theme of reciprocity (introduced through Will and Hannibal’s reciprocal attempts to off each other in season 2) in Dolce (3.6), the situation for Will is life or death--him or Hannibal--just as it is for Hannibal, but for a very different reason: if Will doesn’t kill Hannibal, he risks becoming him. Hannibal first makes the decision to kill Will (Dolce, 3.6) and then to sacrifice himself in acceptance of their love at a personal cost (Digestivo, 3.7). Will, just to be efficient, completes the reciprocal act by making both decisions at once--both killing Hannibal to save himself and destroying himself by accepting their love at the same time--by tumbling them both off the cliff in The Wrath of the Lamb (3.13). Way to go, Will!  They really are ‘identically different’!

In conclusion: Murder husbands 4 eva!!

Tl;dr, I actually have a life, oh God, why was this post so long--

In this literal embodiment of the 'in this essay I will' meme, I argue that Hannibal tries to eat Will’s brain out of self-preservation, because he realizes that he loves Will and that by this love Will has the potential to change him and is thus an existential threat to his sense of self, which he values more than life. 

Thanks all for reading!

*all episode transcripts are taken the scripts on Bryan Fuller’s website here.  *all screenshots are taken from the Hannibal Screencaps Gallery here. 

[selkiewife]

Unpopular Opinion: The stans will always understand the character better than the antis.

*I’m using this definition of stan: an overzealous or obsessive fan 

In the Game of Thrones/asoiaf fandom, the criticism that is always leveled at fans is that they don’t actually understand the character they are stanning. I suppose the logic there is that their love for the character blinds them to the character’s flaws. I think this is more a case of tumblr culture and fans constantly being called upon to defend their favorite character. If you are constantly defending your character, you will obviously be highlighting the good more than the bad- especially against people who hate the character and seem determined to demonize the character and their fans.

I’ve had the opportunity to be involved in both the personal/fan blog side of things and also the RP blog side of things. And though the RP side of fandom has serious issues with personal drama and callouts etc. One thing they are really excellent about is respecting one another’s love for their characters. Even if it’s a character they dislike. I’ve even seen quite a lot of RP writers change their opinion about a character they initially disliked because of the insight that one of their writing partners provided about those characters. It makes sense that people should be more understanding of each other’s faves in RP, because if they lacked this understanding, it would to be very challenging to find writing partners. Whereas on the fan/personal blogs, you can get along quite well just talking to other fans of your fave and not interacting with fans of other characters at all. It’s more tribal in that way by design. RPing on tumblr is how I began to truly appreciate how interesting and amazing other asoiaf characters are besides Theon. 

Additionally, because there is not so much anti vs stan culture in the asoiaf RPC, you get to read lots of excellent metas written by your fellow writers- a lot of them specifically about the characters’ flaws and insightful explanations about them. Which indicates to me that stans on personal/ fan blogs aren’t ignoring their fave’s flaws so much as they are reacting to an environment where they need to primarily defend their faves. It’s almost like on the fan/personal blogs we have to get a goddamn law degree in defending Theon Greyjoy, or Sansa Stark, or Daenerys Targaryen or whatever character you are accused of being a “racist, misogynistic, xenophobic piece of shit” for stanning.

But it’s not just that stans know their fave’s weaknesses as well as their strengths, stans are also the most knowledgeable about their faves by virtue of their very obsession with them. The stans are the ones who are constantly reading and rereading their fave’s chapters, rewatching their fave’s scenes, constantly analyzing and trying to get inside their fave’s heads to create metas, art, fanfictions... like, how can you possibly stand there and say that this kind of fan misunderstands their favorite character? Have you read and reread their chapters? Memorized their lines? psycho analyzed them in this manner?

Now, I know it is true that some antis have done this as well. They have done a similar amount of research and a similar amount of obsessing about the characters they hate. But I would bet not quite as much as the stans. And the research the antis do put in is done with a specific goal in mind. The goal is usually something like, “I’m trying to prove through a close reading of the text that this character is problematic so I can explain why it is wrong for people to stan them.” And as such, in their reads and rereads, watches and rewatches, they are lacking something that prevents them from understanding the character the way in which the obsessive fan does. Empathy.

Empathy is defined as: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another. What the fans of a character have, that a hater of a character doesn’t, is a fuller understanding of their motivations, strengths, flaws, and arc through their empathy for that character. Both the fan and the anti both have the ability to intellectually analyze the character but only the fans have the added edge of empathy which provides more understanding. 

This is why I will always trust the fans when they say their character was behaving ooc or if their arc was ruined. Because even if I might not be a stan of that character, I put myself in the fans shoes. For example, I can imagine how it would feel if D&D had decided to subvert our expectations with Theon- not by killing him off for redemption but in making him revert again before killing him. Even though most Theon fans think his identity and redemption arcs would have been immensely more powerful had he survived. It still could have been worst than what we got.

What if they had the Night King trigger Theon’s PTSD and he tried to abandon Bran, only to die as a coward. It’s obvious to me that it would be a completely ludicrous ending for him- even more terrible than killing him for redemption. But I know that many Theon haters would say that it was inevitable and the only ending that could have been possible. They would say “Theon has always been a coward,” etc. They might see the “tragedy” in him struggling to overcome his “cowardice” but they would ultimately see it as a correct outcome. The Theon fans would know this is not true. They would know how he consistently faced down all his fears in spite of his torture and PTSD. They would know that cowardice should not be confused with PTSD (just as mental illness should not be confused with evilness.) They would know all of the intricate details of Theon’s rising again and survival symbolism. In short, we would know that was a bullshit ending that went against his arc and everything his character is and what his character represented. And we would have to keep hearing how we did not understand his arc- how we were not “paying attention.” All our understanding of Theon would be dismissed because we were his “stans.” But, that doesn’t make any sort of logical sense at all. 

So I guess what I am saying is, long live stans and long live empathy. Because I honestly believe without empathy, you are limited in your understanding of most things in life. 

[yossariandawn]

Alirght. Dusk for the ask. I think I know the answers but well see.

my favorite female character: Kate Fuller - Kate is such an interesting character to me. I think she is very unique, both in how she is written as an individual and how she is worked into the broader themes of the the show. I understand she may not be for everyone, but she works so well for me it’s hard to put into words. Long story short, I really like that she is a genuinely good person who cares about people, and who still does selfish things. And she pays for the mistakes she makes too, she’s not bulletproof because she’s nice and has good intentions, bad things happen to her. She has so much agency in the show, and the choices she makes really matter, not just in what happens to her, but in how it effects everyone else too. She may be a symbol of light and love forgiveness, but she is also so much more than that, she’s a person with flaws too, and her flaws are one of the things I love best about her since it highlights the good in her. I’m not someone who believes people who are without the urge to sin are good people, I think that overcoming your darker nature is what makes you good. And the last season may not feature a lot of Kate as herself, but she is still a huge driving force in how it plays out, both in the impact she had on other people, and who she still is underneath Amaru’s control. Plus her faith in God is one of the more honest and nuanced portrayals of someone with a deep faith I’ve ever seen on tv, so that’s pretty neat.

my favorite male character: Seth Gecko - Seth is the perfect embodiment of his type of character, the asshole with the heart of gold. Because the show really does let him be an asshole! He pokes at people,  he says stuff he knows will piss people off, he can be intimidating and controlling and bullheaded. But he loves deeply, and really does care not just about the people he loves (who are few) but also about people he sees as innocent, as needing protection. His view of right and wrong is screwed up, but it’s there and it’s strong and it motivates him. And as much as he scoffs at the idea of salvation and redemption, his belief that he is himself damned proves the lie there. He feels deeply responsible (which is one sure indicator of if a character is going to be my favorite, I love characters who feel a deep sense of responsibility) and he really does struggle with how to deal with that, and while sometimes he runs or screws up, he ultimate learns and grows and becomes a big hero who is willing to do the selfless thing when it counts.

my favorite book/season/etc: Season 3 - I think season 3 has the strongest episodes, best pacing overall, and the most interesting character setups and payoffs of the show. The first two seasons were good, but I think the show really hit it’s stride in season 3. Sure, there are still some plot holes and missteps, but they are minor. I wish overall they had more episodes so they could do more with some characters but with only 10 episodes I think they really did a great job keeping it moving towards the big finale, and paid off a lot of Dusks main themes in new and interesting ways. The monster of the week format gave us a lot of new cool mythology, and most of character growth felt earned and like a natural progression of what we’d seen so far. Plus, the Western Genre is a favorite of mine, so the two parter at the end was just so delightful to me. 

my favorite episode (if its a tv show) La Llorona - Best monster design, amazing atmosphere, and some really excellent character interactions. Not only do we get the obviously great Seth, Kate and SethKate stuff, but we learn a lot more about who Amaru during the interrogation scene, and see her at her creepiest and most effective as a foil to the characters. Amaru works best for me as a villain for how she corrupts and manipulates people, and we really get to see that first hand this episode. Plus, great Burt backstory, sets up Freddie's arc for the end of the season in a cool way, Richie figuring out how to use his connections to the supernatural to help, and Brandon Soohoo gets some much needed spotlight as Scott gets tortured with his past choices in a very moving way. 

my favorite cast member: DJ Cotrona - A lot of the cast seems really great, and like they really like and respect each other, but DJ does stand out as my fave due to his sense of humor, his intense love of film making and character development and just general geeking out about stuff makes him seem so charming. He just seems like a really neat passionate person, who puts a lot of thought into his performance. Plus, he is real easy on the eyes, which doesn’t hurt lol.

my favorite ship: SethKate - Someday soon I hope to finish my ship history meme, and there will be more on this ship, and why I love it so. The chemistry feels natural, and the ship deals with a lot of my favorite themes to explore in fiction, like: how identity intersects with responsibility, the power of love and forgiveness to effect change in ourselves and others, and how loving someone doesn’t make you right, or bulletproof, but it can make you stronger than you thought was possible, strong enough to do the right thing. When I think of Kate and Seth standing at the gate to Hell and drawing enough strength from each other to do the hard thing, the thing that will cost them the most, and smiling at each other so softly and lovingly. That’s the most freaking romantic thing I can think of, honestly.

a character I’d die defending: Scott Fuller - Scott holds a very special place in my heart, and I think he sometimes gets judged more harshly than he should be. Yes, he does a lot of awful things during the course of the show that result in long lasting damage (or death) to other people, but he also starts out as an angry and lost teenager still figuring out who is he, and then given and extraordinary ability to do damage in a world he is just not prepared for. He tries so hard to find a place to belong, and to define himself. Trusts the wrong people at the wrong times, and makes so many mistakes. He learns a ton of very hard lessons along the way, and while he still has a long road to travel, I really love his journey, and want so badly to see what he does next and the man he becomes.

a character I just can’t sympathize with: Sex Machine - Biggest misstep of the show for me, hands down. And it’s not the actual character  (or the actor, who plays him really well) so much as how the narrative treats him like he’s comic relief. His treatment in season three as just one of the gang just bugs the crap out of me. I get the show is about morally grey characters, but c’mon man. Did they really need his “expert” advice so much that they could overlook that he was actively preying on his students? He was clearly turning them because he wanted to have sex with them, which is so gross. What layers are there to this man beyond predatory blowhard? Ok I’m going to stop there because I’m probably preaching to the choir, but ugh.

a character I grew to love:  Richie Gecko -  Richie is the character that grew on me the most throughout the show. He started as someone who was just so unsettling and disturbing, and by the end I really grew to view him as... not that? It’s hard to describe, because truthfully I don’t think Richie had a lot of character growth throughout the show, and he doesn’t really change so much as my view of him shifts, both as we learn more about who he was before season 1, and why he was so uniquely vulnerable to Kisa’s manipulations. But being a culebra actually does balance him a bit more, since him becoming an actual predator makes his story is less about a human wrestling with a very real darkness inside him, and more someone who has embraced that darkness trying to find his humanity. Plus, Zane plays him so perfectly. My favorite Richie is the horchata loving lighter side of him, the part that loves his brother and wants to be viewed as capable, that wants to prove himself and just isn’t very good with people or small talk or social cues.

my anti otp: Freddie/Ximena - They had some cute stuff, and good chemistry, but the romance felt very rushed to me, and just not needed. And they were so doomed from the start! I appreciate that Ximena knew and even vocalized it, but I would have much rather seen a platonic partnership develop where they were both navigating what a Peacekeeper and a culebra working together would have looked like. So, mark me down as anti there. (I’m answering this with canon ships, but I know there are people who ship Kate/Richie, I am just not one of them. I view an actual romantic relationship between them as out of character, and just not supported by what interactions we did get. I do like the dynamic they have in the show though, and would like to see it explored more if the show ever came back. And Seth/Richie seems like a fringe ship but since it does exist out there that’s also a big nope for me. double for Seth/Kate/Richie as an OT3)

Thanks for the ask! 🥰

[korranguyen]

Some thoughts on romance in TDP and ATLA: What Does Rayllum Get Right?

Okay, I know this post doesn’t do much service to this claim, but I don’t love the idea of directly comparing ships to one another. Every relationship is different in the context it takes place, and it’s just as unfair to directly compare any two relationships as it would be to compare two different couples in real life: every person, and by extension, every character, is unique in their own way. Not to mention I’m a bit hesitant to write this because TDP just found its footsteps away from ATLA with the new season, and I honestly fear plaguing the lovely positivity of the TDP fan base with old wounds from the ATLA ship wars.

BUT since there are already a lot of popular Kataang/Rayllum comparison posts floating around, I feel the need to share my two cents on the bit as someone who wholeheartedly enjoys the trajectory of Rayllum, but had my... reservations when it came to the canonized romance in ATLA.

Instead of dwelling on those reservations, though, I’m gonna focus on talking about and validating the parts of the ships we do like (meaning both Zutarians and Kataangers).

This essay, in a nutshell:

Two ships form an unlikely bond and find their peace in the midst of warring kingdoms fandoms. #amirite

What Rayllum Learns from Zutara

TBQH I surprised by how many embraced the Kataang/Rayllum parallels because the setup itself reminded me of Zutara— not Kataang. They share a similar origin story: Rayla threatens Callum in an attempt to pursue his little brother, just like how Zuko often pursued Katara to capture Aang. Their introductions are antagonistic, if not explicitly violent, but because the writers take the time to humanize both characters outside of these interactions, the audience understands that these conflicts happen because they’re driven by motivations from opposite sides of the war. Of course, when they are forced to become allies, it’s... not as smooth-sailing as you’d expect.

At its core, both Rayllum and Zutara are very cautious friendships. They don’t trust each other right away. It’s not perfect; they have their outbursts, reluctance to trust, and painful blows to their bond. But against all odds they eventually establish trust in each other. And because that trust isn’t just given, but needs earning, it takes its time dwelling on wounds necessary to transgress those lines and establishes extra depth in the meantime, making it well-earned and conducive to an understanding relationship. When they find their peace and friendship, it feels earned and respected on both sides, and both parties have a deeper understanding of each other than they could've had with a happy-go-lucky friendship.

Also, a side effect of the bitter work (sorry I had to lol) it took to to build that relationship, both Zutara and Rayllum have become especially in-tune with each other’s emotional cues. On the behalf of Zutara, there’s the moment when Katara comforts Zuko as he’s cowering in front of his uncle’s tent. She immediately recognizes that something’s wrong and approaches him about it:

Zuko opened up to Katara yet again about his insecurities and fears just like he did in Ba Sing Se. I love how easy it is for him. Zuko’s normally so guarded yet doesn’t mind being vulnerable with Katara. He’s so worried because he doesn’t see how Uncle Iroh can forgive him. It’s important that Katara’s the one encouraging him because she was also someone he betrayed that day. Someone who had faith in him to make the right choice, someone who changed for the better. She forgave him and she knows Iroh will too. That carries some weight with him. 

-- Geektastic08

Because of how many more opportunities Rayllum than Zutara to show off their perceptiveness of each others’ emotions, I could name off a lot of similar moments-- but I’m going to go with when Rayla slices open the mummy on the Cursed Caldera. When she returns and anxiously gets to ushering people forward, Callum notices almost instantly that Rayla’s acting off and expresses his concern. And, of course, Rayla opens up that she did, indeed, see something “horrible”— immediately opening up to him on the fact she was afraid, almost instinctively overcoming her reluctance to show her fears and weaknesses as established from previous episodes when Callum is the one who asks about it.

Also, this:

"I know that face. It’s your dumb idea face.” =)

Another reason: balanced-out co-parenting is a thing (Ezran vs. the rest of the Gaang).

On a more grand-scheme note, their relationship actually also shares a lot of the same “thematic importance” as Zutara as a symbol of overcoming differences and bonding. As cheesy as this line low-key is (IMO), Harrow says:

“I ask you and your brother to reject history as a narrative of strength and instead have faith that it can be a narrative of love.”

Yeah, read by the human boy crossing foreign lands with a she-elf to return the Dragon Prince to his mother as a gesture of bonding elves and humans and ending the war between nations. Having faith that history can be rewritten as a narrative of love and compassion.

To top it off, Rayllum owns it when it comes to living up to the not-overtly-kissy romantic foreshadowing of Zutara.

This is an allusion to the established Moon symbolism from earlier in the episode. As painful as it was, finding out about the king winds up illuminating, and eventually fulfilling, the possibility of deeper relationship and understanding of trust they originally couldn't see (but was still there) when Callum crosses the barrier into the “light face” from the “dark, shadowed side”. 

Also, this shipper’s haven scene:

Agh, yes.

What Rayllum learns from Kataang

Okay, so one of the bigger (and very understandable) issues with Zutara is that all of their development (aside from “Crossroads of Destiny”) happens very late in the last season. No matter how solid the moments we do get are, there simply isn’t enough time to fully wash away their damaged terms only a couple episodes prior, much less transgress necessary lines before a healthy relationship can occur. Whether or not their build-up does justice for their relationship arc as friends, by the end of ATLA, Zutara’s negative interactions still outnumber their positive ones by a sheer majority, so pushing that relationship into romance so soon comes with negative implications. (Which is where the Book 4 rumors seep in, but let’s not touch those today)(Anyway, even as a person who generally supports Zutara, I don’t advocate for that relationship to be “endgame”, or even as a part of canonized material because romance that soon after establishing that trust wouldn’t have conducive to a healthy relationship.)

On the other hand, Kataang gets a lot more credit in the time department. Because their friendship is established in such a positive light from the very first episode, Kataang has the benefit of faith from their countless endearing moments capturing a casual, comfortable friendship we can know and love, and then can grow nostalgic about over time. Even when their angrier moments play out, they usually fizzle out in the pool of happier memories they already have, so such instances are easily forgivable from the majority of the audience.

Now, despite initially being at odds with each other, Rayllum is established early enough to have the advantage of 5/6/7 seasons under its belt to build to that healthy relationship. Even in the less-immediate circumstances of their trust, the show still leaves plenty of time to fill with the necessary builds and prove their friendship through positive interactions. This is evidenced by the fact that by the end of Season 2, their negative interactions— even Rayla’s original position as Callum/Ezran’s killer— is water long down the bridge.

(Random tangent: To all who believe Zutara is an unforgivably abusive ship because of Katara’s and Zuko’s previous enemy relationship, let me pitch this to you: Rayla literally corners Callum and holds a blade in his face, about to kill him in the second episode yet Rayllum is very inarguably not abusive. The issue with Zutara isn’t that it’s inherently a sour relationship because they used to be enemies, it’s that there’s a dire lack of time to ease the ratio of interactions of Zuko hurting Katara to him helping her before the end of the show where starting that immediate relationship would have come with poor implications. In the case of Rayllum, Rayla actually gets a very extended chance to make that up in a larger span of time and exceeded those numbers two weeks ago long ago)

Thanks to all that screentime, maybe if our Season-2-Shipper-Scenes can be read as glimpses of a possible building crush early on like Kataang’s, that’ll stir up some of the heartstring garble later that it did with Kataang, too (for some, at least).

Rayllum’s interactions share the lovable silliness of Kataang. When it comes to picturing your ideal, sugarcane relationship, we will often find our soft spots in the couples who spend the most time smiling, laughing or being casually friendly with each other.

Also, here’s an interesting parallel: Katara was Aang’s primary support through his loss, just like Rayla was for Callum. Also, both Katara and Rayla struggled to hide the fact from their “romantic counterparts” at first, in fear of hurting newfound friendships with people they cared about, only to have this backfire later. However, I’d say it’s interesting to note that because Callum is almost 3 years older than Aang and thus arguably in a different phase of maturity (older childhood at 12 vs. teen at almost 15), the way they processed that realization took remarkably different forms between the two characters. Breaking the news to Callum meant surfacing more relationship-based questions about trust, meeting its resolution in a heart-to-heart conversation about honesty and hurting people you care about. On the other hand, because Aang is still, for most purposes, a child, that recognition on Aang’s part, as well as the honesty/lack of censorship on Katara’s part, doesn’t exist as much as an expectation in that relationship. Consequently, Aang’s grief process in “The Southern Air Temple” was wholly Aang-centric, coming to life in a display of rage and pain before he comes to accept his new position as the avatar and the last airbender in the arms of his new “family”. (I actually think the most obvious comparison to Aang here is Ezran, who became angry and ran away when he found out about his father’s death, then returned with a fuller understanding of the newfound individual responsibility he must face despite not being ready for as a growing kiddo. But that’s a discussion for another time; maybe I’ll write something on that later). 

Of course, the aforementioned covert foreshadowing of the Zutara ship comes coupled (pun intended) with the overt romantic foreshadowing of the Kataang ship! Because what kid (or kid in the heart) doesn’t let out the giddy squeals over that.

Also, it’s the male and female lead. Everyone’s gotta love those characters! Bet you money all the 2010s children who watch TDP are gonna get hella attached to that stuff and rack up the tears on how well-elaborated those characters were and how perfect they were for each other through thick-lens nostalgia goggles when they grow up. That’s just how dat shit works.

TL;DR If Zutara was too “dark” or “intriguing”, or “bound to make six year olds cry” (as Ehasz himself supposedly said in a class at UC Berkeley; lol), Rayllum re-illustrates that arc with the cushiness of a clear, lovable path and the positive-interaction-to-death-threat ratio, audience faith, (love for small critters,) and longer friendship screentime of Kataang.

Rayllum shares all of the literary nuances of Zutara and the sweet lovability of Kataang. And then adds its own little sparks of healthiness.

It’s a ship built for everyone to fall in love with.

I honestly don’t care whether this winds up being a very strong friendship or a romantic relationship (though I’m inclined to believe from the narrative that it’s the latter), but no matter the direction the show takes, I love their relationship so much and have full faith it’ll be done right.

Let me know if I missed anything else! I know I might be missing the narrative importance and/or parallels others might see in Kataang because I’m a bit biased to Zutara as the poster of this multi-ship analysis (though I tried my best to counteract it for objectivity), so especially if you’re a Kataanger, let me know what you’ve noticed and I’ll be happy to add it in.

positive/non-warring reax only please :)

[xenophanatic]

In Depth Analysis of ‘Fatmagül'ün Suçu Ne?’

Romantic narratives usually hinge upon a love hurdle, hurdles which are the reasons the couple are not together and causes angst between them. Whether the hurdle or obstacle comes from rival families, social standing, or past actions. These stories are also seen as forbidden love. However, as years go by these particular hurdles seem trivia and writers are trying to up the ante. This gave way to new hurdles such as:

 I’m a human and you’re a vampire, werewolf, alien, robot, angel, fish or Cthulhu.

 I’m a cop, you’re a killer.

 And other questionable new hurdles of forbidden love.

 We may be siblings or related.

 I’m in love with my kidnapper

And there was a Pakistani show, Woh Aik Pak (That One Moment) in which the hero accidentally shot a guy and then leaves him for dead. He feels guilty and decided to marry dead guy’s widow and adopt their son, without her knowledge that he killed her late husband. It’s like a darker version of the American film Bounce. All these new hurdles are quite problematic. 

They are questionable as they put a romantic light on dark and real social issues - incest, abusive and manipulative relationships. So, it isn’t surprising that when I heard of the premise of a Turkish show, Fatmagül'ün Suçu Ne? (What is Fatmagul’s fault?), I refused to watch it.

 The premise was told to me as such:

Fatamgul is engaged to her childhood sweetheart Mustafa and is looking forward to their marriage. One night, four young men grab her and start to play around with her. They never think that the joke will turn into a rape at first. But later, they begin to rape her, one by one. The sun of her life is shadowed after that night; it's not only Fatmagul's body which was raped, but also her life. Mustafa breaks off their engagement and even worse - in order to save the honour of her family she is forced to marry one of the rapists.

So here the hurdle which they couple have to overcome is… marrying her rapist. Oh no. 

I never really critically thought about the impact of depicting rape or sexual violence on television before. Not until I heard that Hannibal’s showrunner Bryan Fuller had a ban on rape scenes in his procedural series.

To Enterment Weekly, Fuller stated,

“A character gets raped” is a very easy story to pitch for a drama. And it comes with a stable of tropes that are infrequently elevated dramatically, or emotionally. I find that it’s not necessarily thought through in the more common crime procedurals. You’re reduced to using shorthand, and I don’t think there can be a shorthand for that violation— it’s an incredibly personal and intimate betrayal of something that should be so positive and healthy. And it’s frequently so thinly explored because you don’t have the real estate in 42 minutes to dig deep into what it is to be a victim of rape.”

This had me look critically at the narratives and tropes that surround rape. Three I found interesting tropes that occur.

1)     The rape of a woman used to justify her own cruelty. I’ve seen this a lot in American show where they have a mature aged woman who is powerful, ruthless, and seen as antagonist to the younger female protagonist. However, it is revealed that the woman was raped in the past and her ruthlessness is caused by the rape.

2)     The rape is seen as a who dunnit, where characters that are not the victim are searching for the rapist. The rapist is usually revealed with a twist with it either being a relative or family friend. This is used for dramatic effect and shock value. The woman is either dead or in other ways incapacitated

3)     The rape of a woman is usually the Hero’s ‘call to adventure’ or catalyst for revenge. The woman is raped and it is the hero’s job to avenge her. The hero can either be a grieving father or mourning lover. This is done from Shakespeare’s play to the recent Bollywood film Kaabil. The women are presented as objects and motivation for the hero to extract revenge for his honour or seek justice for his lose, while the women are either dead or literally mutilated.  

This one is also semi-related to the trope of a man saving a woman from rape and her instantly forgetting the traumatic experience and giving herself to her rescuer as thank you. Again, this shows the woman’s lack of agency on her own sexuality and body.

Therefore, with the premise that I found of Fatmagul I was scared that the show will redeem the rapist and make him a likeable character who Fatmagul would fall for. I found out from other plot summaries that it turned out that her husband didn’t actually participate in the rape, but that had no effect on me. It would be like that Pakistani drama which the guy ‘accidentally killed’ the husband. He too would be a victim and absolved from his crimes.

There were so many reasons why I couldn’t stand a love story between these two characters. She was raped and forced to marry her rapist, even though it may not be the case in Turkey now, in some countries there are still the ‘marry your rapist’ law. The trauma of being ganged rape could not be overcome with love, especially if that love is coming from a man who was there when it happened.

Anyway, I tried to stay away from this show - just on principles - but then, hearing everyone raving about it and telling me to watch it, I gave in and watched the series and... I enjoyed it immensely and here is why.

1. The treatment of rape 

When television has a woman who has been raped, it is either to create drama or to provide a backstory of why she is the way she is. Narrative about rape, when done wrong, is contained in a single episode or storyline. However, ‘What’s Fatmagul’s fault’ does not consist of one episode about rape as the whole show is revolved around Fatmagül - how she is coping after being raped and her search for justice.

The rape scene itself is quite uncomfortable and unsettling, never going beyond into tantalising or sensationalising territory. During the first few episodes it seemed that each of the three rapists would be a representation of different motives of rape. Erdoğan, having been humiliated and emasculated by his family, he dominates over Fatmagul’s body as pathetic grasp for power. He rapes Fatmagul in an attempt to gain control and portray masculinity to overcome his lack of dominance in the business or powerless role in the family. Vural, is the last of the three to rape Fatmagul and is seemed to join in as part of a commodity of sort. The nature of gang rape is said to be a sadistic way the men bond and form commodity. Vural seems to be ashamed of his action during and after it is over. Vural is depicted though the series as a coward – who is unable to admit to his actions nor is able to overcome them. He’s constantly in a depression of his guilt, but is selfish and such a coward that he is unable to confess to his crime. However, this theory of mine could never live up to its potential. I couldn’t understand Selim and his character motivation. At first, he seemed to dislike committing to one woman, his fiancé, but then can’t stand the idea of losing her. I thought his violence towards Fatmagul was to do with his unwillingness to commit to one sexual partner or be dominated by a woman, but that wasn’t the case from his interaction with his fiancé and later wife after the rape. Erdoğan, who I assumed, after escaping punishment for raping Fatmagul, would continue to assault women in order to have some sort of dominance – but again that never come up and I disliked his romance with the doctor. It seemed like in the end, they could just blame it on drugs. The rapist could have been explored, but I guess they weren’t due to it not being their story nor a justification for their action. The story is about Fatmagul.

2. Fatmagul and her agency and growth.

Famagul, the character and the actress’s performance, were amazing. After her rape she wants justice and the support of her fiancé. After her fiancé rejects her and her family pressurise her to marry Kerim, she – releasing no one is supporting her, loses her trust on the justice system and accepts society’s dictation on what should happen to her. Every action Fatmagul made, I understood. From waiting for her fiancé Mustafa, to wanting to kill herself, to attempting to kill Kerim. Every action made sense.

What was important was Kerim wasn’t shown as her saviour. The series never claimed that Kerim’s love was what Fatmagul needed to be whole again. Nor was it a male figure that ignited venges or sense of self-preservation in her. It was a woman. Kerim’s sister aka Abla becomes a confident to Fatmagul. She doesn’t show much tells Fatmagul what to do, but let’s Fatmagul know she has options and opportunities. Abla introduces two concepts which are extremely important. Education and therapy.

Fatmagul completes her education, giving her opportunities to find employment, become a business owner, and later confidence to obtain a driving licence. This demonstrates Fatmagul’s agency and her ability to be self-sufficient. Abla also suggests therapy to Fatmagul, who at first reject it but later asks for help. I like that they didn’t force it on her and that Fatmagul actively sort out mental help. Even the obligatory make-over scene of the female character isn’t from the courtesy of the male character, but through the bond of Abla and Fatmagul. Women helping women. It was nice to see this in contrast to Fatmagul’s sister-in-law’s character. The saying that there is a special place in hell for women who don’t help women, it’s filled with people like her.

The thing I disliked was Fatmagul’s love for Mustafa after he rejected her. But the series did a good job explaining that she wasn’t yearning for him, but a life before she was raped. He represented a life she could have had. She was holding on to that idea, but let it go knowing that she could never go back to a time where that was possible. And later she rejects Mustafa when he pleads that he was mistaken and wants her back. She rightfully addresses that he should have believed her and that when she needed him the most, he made it about himself and left her.

I also like the relationship she has with Kerim. She rejects him at every corner – and I agree with her at every step of the way. He doesn’t leave the country and declares he loves her. I disliked him, just as she did for that. He buys them rings and gets happy when she wears it- but really, she wears it to avoid unwanted attention from men. Again, I rolled by eyes at him for being happy at that but loved that Abla was feeling the same and asked Kerim to give Fatmagul space. He sees her letting go of the scarf Mustafa gave her, as a sign that she is letting go of Mustafa. I just hated when he had hope that she would fall for him. Dude, she’s going through some shit. Again, loved that she corrected him stating that she let go of the scarf because it used to remind her of her love for Mustafa but now it’s the thing that his friends used to muffle her screams.

No matter what Kerim did, I could not root from him. He would keep telling Fatmagul that he is innocent and didn’t do anything, which I believe doesn’t change anything cos he was there when it happened. He drew the other men’s attention to her, he grabbed her first, and he didn’t stop it. He was part of the nightmare.

However, as the show went Kerim realised his part in the rape. Him confronting Mustafa and explaining the true events of that night. Saying that Fatmagul was raped by those men, and even though he didn’t rape her – he also didn’t stop it from happening. Kerim claims it’s the fault of those men and his fault. But it is not her fault. I loved this scene as Kerim was finally focusing the narrative on Fatmagul. As mentioned earlier, rape narrative on occasion focuses on the male character. His quest for vengeance or justice. Though I haven’t read it, apparently in the original novel the story was focused on Kerim and his struggles of marrying a victim of rape. Yeah… poor guy. Thankfully, the show doesn’t do that. Kerim in the first few episodes make it about him but later recognises that it is about Fatmagul and what she has gone through because of him.

There is a lovely scene, which I kind of wish was explored more. After Kerim confesses and tells the police about the night – he asks Fatmagul if she’s angry at him for filling in a report. Fatmagul denies it. And plainly states she’s angry at herself for not telling the police first and thereby making this his victory. 

Again, I liked this scene because Fatmagul addresses that she should have been the one to go to the police. She should have agency, instead Kerim took that and made it about him. What a poorer series would have made into an epic romantic gesture, ‘Fatmagül'ün Suçu Ne?’ questions and addresses the male discourses.

Though by the end, Fatmagul forgives Kerim – I was glad that she did after the audience was allowed to forgive him. I had forgiven and fell in love with Kerim before Fatmagul and that was crucial part of the series. And what I loved was that when Fatmagul’s harpy of sister-in-law wants to take credit for making Fatmagul marry Kerim, Fatmagul breaks down and reveals to Kerim’s half-sister that though she loves Kerim and her life with him, she would give it all up to go back before that night. She would rather never have known him than have been a victim of rape. It is a touching scene that reminds us that while Fatmagul is moving on with life; being a business owner, living in a nice house, and in love with Kerim, none of it is worth having what had happen to her.

3. Kerim and his search for redemption and forgiving himself.

Like I said before, it took a long while for me to like Kerim. Even by then end his tendency to lose his temper – due to the rapists - in front of Fatmagul annoyed the hell out of me. It is obvious that Fatmagul is uncomfortable with two things Kerim being angry and him drinking alcohol. So again, I wished this was address. Other than that, Kerim’s arch was well handed.

Though I was on Kerim’s side by the end of Season 1, it wasn’t until Season 2 that I truly liked him. In the first season we are given glimpses of Kerim’s past. After his father abandoned him, his mother committed suicide. Kerim was the one who found her body. This is why Kerim doesn’t want to abandon Fatmagul, as he doesn’t want to give the same pain his father did. He hates his father and refuses to read the letters he sends.

However, father and son reconnect. It is revealed that Kerim’s mother was in love with another man, but her family made her marry Kerim’s father. Even years after their marriage, she couldn’t forget her love. After giving birth to Kerim, the mother’s ex kills himself. Kerim’s father leaves the house, knowing that the mother can love no one ever again. Not being able to live in a world without her ex, she kills herself. This information informs Kerim’s growth as a character. He realises that he wasn’t enough for his mother and that she didn’t love him as much as her ex. Believing that Fatmagul is still in love with Mustafa and he is just someone she was forced to marry – Kerim identifies with his father and thinks that Fatmagul could never love him. He decided to let Fatmagul leave this force relationship.

I liked this as it was a change of character, as Kerim was always trying to make Fatmagul love him – he realised that he couldn’t force her feelings onto him. Fatmagul says she wants to work things out with him. This made their relationship an active choice of Fatmagul.

The knowledge of his past made Kerim a more self-aware character. Even though Fatmagul forgives him, he can’t. And I like that while Fatmagul wants to begin a relationship with him, he’s the one that is now haunted by the night of the rape.

Kerim also joins Fatmagul in her therapy sessions and two talk about their relationship and issues they have in themselves. And the show does a good job depicting the characters feelings towards physical intimacy.

There is a powerful scene where after Kerim and Fatmagul have their first kiss, they each go to their separate bedrooms. Fatmagul has a nightmare in which is on the bed in her wedding dress and Erdoğan and Selim are looking over her. Kerim is there also, and watches helplessly. Fatmagul silently screams for Kerim, but he doesn’t move as Erdoğan touches her wedding dress. She wakes up with a concern Kerim walking into her room, and she screams, frighted of him.

It is scenes like these that explore the characters’ fears and motivations that made Fatmagul a great show. However, there are some flaws with it. Like, I don’t care about rapist family business. I feel like every 20 episodes the business is bankrupt but nothing happiness. The patriarchy head yells about this rape affecting his business and how they are going to run their business. By the end, I just didn’t care anymore and skipped the scenes dealing with the families of the rapists. Erdoğan and Selim on the run was annoying and so was their romances with other women – especially after the women found out they were rapists. And the court case was filled with soap opera moments and rarely any actual legal stuff. Like a great example would be the Vurat parent testified that he was with them that night, but they weren’t even in the country at the time. But atlas half of the witness either die or are brought off.

I have to mention my favourite episode. The last episode. I could do a whole review of that episode, but for now I’ll keep it short. The episode cuts between the court case and the events of the day of the rape. As audience we get see scenes from Episode 1, old characters that have left or died, and additional scenes that flesh out character and give a final closure to their arcs. However, the best part is the ending of the flashback. We are taken back to the night of the rape, as Fatmagul goes to see Mustafa and Kerim spots her. However, he doesn’t draw attention to her. She sees them and continues on her way. The rape never occurs. This is a powerful scene, on of many. Kerim later on catches up with Fatmagul who has missed Mustafa’s boat. He talks to her but she rejects him and walks back home.

This seems to be a wishful ending of the flashback from Kerim and Fatmagul. Of how they wish that night had went. The ending alludes to Kerim maybe going to see her the next day and maybe in another world they would have met and fell in love without that night having to happen. 

Fatmagül'ün Suçu Ne? is an excellent show and has 80 episodes to explore characters and the aftermath of sexual violence. I give it 4/5. 

If you haven’t seen it, check it out - if you have, what did you think of it?