#so you want to learn about : the Suez Canal

[mariacallous]

It has by now become commonplace to note that the unprecedented Hamas assault on Israel last weekend came 50 years and one day after the Egyptian and Syrian assaults that began the 1973 Arab-Israeli War. But the similarities, and differences, between these wars go well beyond mere timing. It’s the more fine-grained comparisons that offer insight into how this war may develop—for better and worse.

The deeper you go in the tactical military aspects of the two assaults set 50 years apart, the more you can see the echoes of the one in the other—and the more obvious it is that Hamas mimicked the Egyptians deliberately to replicate Egypt’s success. That should also tell us something about what comes next.

Egypt mounted a complex, ingenious assault to cross the Suez Canal and secure a bridgehead on its east bank. But the Egyptians understood that Israel would respond quickly and ferociously, with its powerful armored and air forces. So Cairo’s war plan included an equally sophisticated defensive scheme, employing vast numbers of early generation surface-to-air missiles, anti-tank missiles, rocket-powered grenades, artillery support, and tanks and infantry that were dug-in to interlocking fields of fire to enable its forces to withstand the blizzard of Israeli counterattacks that the Egyptians knew they would face. Part of Egypt’s early victories came from the success of these defenses in beating back the first waves of Israeli jets and tanks.

Just as Hamas mounted a complex, diabolical assault to break through Israel’s border defenses and slaughter hundreds of Israeli citizens, the Israel Defense Forces have to assume that Hamas learned this second lesson of Egyptian tactical military success from 1973 as well, and has established a similarly formidable set of defenses in Gaza. Hamas has been fighting Israel since 1987, and like the Egyptians, its members know what to expect. Hamas has a vast maze of tunnels under Gaza to enable its forces to hide and move without being exposed to Israeli attack, and that same network is doubtless the backbone of a complex defensive system.

But as similar as the two wars are militarily, that’s where the resemblance largely ends; politically and strategically, they could not be more different. In 1973, then-Egyptian President Anwar Sadat ultimately sought peace with Israel. Soon after becoming president in 1970, he made secret overtures to Israel proposing peace in return for Israeli withdrawal from the Sinai Peninsula.

When the Israeli government of Golda Meir rejected his offer, Sadat concluded that he had to employ the military option. But Sadat’s strategy was to shock Israel with the limited victory of the canal crossing and then have Egyptian troops shift to the defensive and hang on against the Israeli counterattack to change Israel’s thinking about peace. His hope was to convince Israel that as long as it held Sinai, Egypt would never stop trying to take it back, so Israel would never live in peace.

Yet Sadat understood that he could not threaten Israel’s civilian population in this war, because doing so would terrify Israel, and could cause it to respond so ferociously that peace would be impossible. That was an important reason why Sadat wanted to keep the fighting localized to the canal zone—where only Israeli soldiers were present—and made little effort to strike targets within Israel, which Egypt had some capability to do.

The tactics of the 2023 Hamas attack tell a very different story. They are completely unlike those of the 1973 Egyptian offensive but are entirely consistent with the group’s own ideology. Hamas’s goal was certainly to shock Israel and convince the Israelis that they would never be able to live in peace, but its operations were not circumscribed as Egypt’s were to preserve the option of a transition to meaningful peace. It was entirely the opposite. Hamas fighters breached Israel’s defenses in as many places as they could and then immediately struck out for Israeli population centers with the goal of killing and capturing as many civilians as possible.

As we have already seen—and as Sadat understood—that strategy has terrified and infuriated the Israeli people and their leadership. It has made a compromise peace, such as the one that Sadat secured, pretty much unimaginable between Israel and Hamas, and possibly even between Israel and the Palestinians more generally. And that was almost certainly Hamas’s aim.

Sadly, these tactics are entirely consistent with Hamas’s long-standing aim of destroying Israel, not making peace with it. Hamas is not a state seeking peace, not for itself or for the Palestinian people more broadly. It is a militant organization looking only to cause pain, anguish, and mayhem, in part to preclude a compromise peace.

That drives home another lesson from 1973, which is that Israel must win a decisive military victory. Back then, Israel needed to be the unequivocal winner because it needed to restore its strategic deterrent. The Israeli people would not have had the confidence to make peace with Egypt had they felt that the Arabs believed they could attack Israel and win. Even before that war, Sadat knew that Egypt could not defeat Israel militarily, not even with Syrian help, as did a handful of his most senior generals. But the vast majority of Egyptian soldiers, officers, and political leaders did not. Plus, the Egyptian and Syrian tactical victories in the first days of the war stoked that fantasy that war was the solution to the Arab states’ problems with Israel.

Only, Israel’s decisive military victory by the end of the war convinced all of them—and all of the other Arab leaders, except Saddam Hussein and Muammar al-Qaddafi—that the Arab states could not hope to fight Israel and win. That is what made peace between Israel and Egypt possible. It is what preserved that peace even after Sadat’s assassination by Islamist fanatics, and it is what ensured that no other Arab army would try to attack Israel for the next 50 years, right up to this past weekend.

The difference in goals between Egypt in 1973 and Hamas in 2023 only reinforces that same necessity. Hamas has once again demonstrated that it is a bloodthirsty militant group uninterested in peace, or even in bettering the lives of the Palestinian people. Instead, it is single-mindedly determined to inflict as much pain on the Israeli people as it can to destroy the state altogether. There is no basis for compromise. Under these circumstances, all that Israel can do is to try to do as much damage to Hamas as possible to reduce its ability to attack Israel and deter it from trying another such attack for as long as possible—perhaps another 50 years, and hopefully forever.

The 1973 war was one of the great wars of the 20th century because of Sadat’s vision. His goal was to use a limited war that was purposely devised to inflict shocking, but limited, damage to Israel in order to convince Israel’s leaders to negotiate a peace in which both sides would make critical, difficult compromises. As history has demonstrated time and again, wars are very unpredictable, and the fact that Sadat made all of that work is simply remarkable.

But so too was former Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin crucial to that wondrous outcome. Begin, the rabid hard-liner who took over as prime minister in 1977, learned to trust Sadat and to see the virtue of a negotiated peace, albeit only because Israel’s military victory four years earlier had restored its deterrent posture.

We can wonder if Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu can follow in Begin’s footsteps. Like Begin, Netanyahu has shown little but distrust for the Palestinians and has evinced little real interest in peace. Perhaps, if the United States plays the same intermediary role as it did after 1973, he could be coaxed into taking the same journey as Begin. Or perhaps, as was the case after 1973, Netanyahu’s government will fall for its mistakes at the start of the war, and another Israeli leader who is more interested in making peace will take office.

Either way, the world will then confront an even greater problem: the abyss of leadership on the Palestinian side. Hamas rules in Gaza and does not want peace with Israel, seeming to seek only war until the Jewish state is destroyed. It is certainly true that you make peace with your enemies, not your friends, but you can only make peace if your enemies are willing to stop fighting. By the appalling conduct of its latest attack, Hamas signaled that it has not changed at all; it has no such interest in peace. But then, who will?

Certainly not Mahmoud Abbas, who has uselessly monopolized the presidency of the Palestinian Authority since his only election 18 years ago. Abbas has rejected every Israeli peace proposal that has been proffered, from the ridiculous (such as former U.S. President Donald Trump and Netanyahu’s 2020 fiasco) to the profound (including former Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert’s 2007-2008 proposal, which was likely the most generous and realistic that the Palestinians will ever see). Yet Abbas also blocks any new leaders from emerging in the West Bank, such that when he finally dies, it is impossible to predict who will succeed him, under what circumstances, and if there will even still be a Palestinian Authority left to rule, let alone to negotiate on behalf of Palestinians.

Perhaps the Arab states will use their influence and their new interest in peace with Israel to find and anoint a genuine leader of the Palestinians—one who could play the role of Sadat and turn the tragedy of the Hamas attack into a genuine peace between Israelis and Palestinians.

Or perhaps this war will end as tragically as it began. We can hope for the former, but in light of the differences between 1973 and 2023, we should not be surprised by the latter.

[glittertrail]

Happy astromonday!!

One thing I love learning about is history of astronomy, and today I wanted to talk about observations about Mars in the late 1800s.

In 1877, Italian astronomer Giovanni Schiaparelli noted his observation of canali (natural channels formed from water) on Mars. This was mistranslated into English as canals, and so they were interpreted as being constructed. As this was around the time the Suez Canal was built, it started an interest in Mars and theories of intelligent life!!

At the time astronomers had to draw observations, and Schiaparelli mapped and named the channels he saw (today's picture). However other astronomers didn't always see them, possibly due to dust storms, and others saw them in different places to him. Most other astronomers did not believe the channels proved Mars was inhabited.

But by the 1890s, Percival Lowell - who believed firmly there was life on Mars - built an observatory in Arizona specifically to study Mars. He even published papers on the canals, suggesting that Mars' inhabitants used them to direct water from the ice caps, melted for irrigation purposes.

While his theories were not shared by most astronomers, the idea of inhabitants on other worlds became very popular and inspired media at the time. H. G. Wells wrote The War of the Worlds in 1897 about Martians coming to Earth, children's books like A Trip to Mars and A Message From Mars (both 1909) became popular, and even short silent movies were inspired by it, such as those by Georges Méliès. And we still use the word Martian as a synonym for alien!!

I'll talk a bit more on modern missions to Mars next week, for now I hope you have a fantastic day!! 🪐

the inception of science fiction my beloved

[antilocaprine]

4! 6! 11! 25! 40! 44! 81!

(Ask Game)

Oh my gosh, that's so many! Thank you!

4. what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? Technically? Some Stars - the Among Us crossover. But that one's in progress, so it might not count. Unpublished would probably be the post-canon bittersweet story where Gordon realizes Benrey is still alive, but trapped on Xen, millions of lightyears and multiple dimensions away. It's really tough for me to balance bittersweet moods, so it's stuck in development hell for now.

6. do you have any kind of consistent writing schedule or just hoping for the best? I try to sit down to write every day after work. It doesn't always happen - sometimes I talk to friends for a few hours, sometimes I'm too tired to even stay awake a few hours. I try to get something done every day - but no, no consistent schedule, unfortunately.

11. what’s something neat you’ve learned while doing research for something you were writing? also, how much do you worry about doing research in general? Most of my research is incidental - I'll usually put something in my writing that I already researched for another reason, like the entire Suez Canal fic. I'd been following the news reports, so I already had a decent idea of what had happened, and I think I only looked up some specifics of how the canal pilot system operates. I like having things be accurate, so I tend to do quick lookups for some things, but I am also easily distractible, and so have to be careful not to get sucked into reading something when I'm supposed to be writing.

25. what’s your revision or rewriting process like? Almost nonexistent. I am really bad at writing multiple drafts - I write one draft then go back and reread, nitpicking as I go. It worked for school essays and it's been working for fics as well.

40. best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten. Any time someone tells me my writing made them feel something. That's the ultimate goal, honestly.

44. any writing advice you want to share? You gotta write. You have to sit down and put words on the page. I know, I know - daydreaming about the plot is SO much easier and more fun and better - but I'm telling you, you gotta write it down or it will go away. I have so many ideas in my "for later" doc that I was surprised by on a reread because I had completely forgotten about them. If I hadn't written them down, those ideas would have been gone forever.

81. if you could go back in time and give your younger self a piece of writing advice specific to you, what would it be? Honestly, get into fanfic writing earlier. I've been reading fanfic for ages, but never felt like I had a worthwhile idea to add until my first HLVRAI fic. And now that I've thought about it so much, I can look at other media and go "hmm...what if...?" Plus, I've met so many wonderful people through my fics, and it just makes me think I could have met so many more if I'd been writing fanfic for half as long as I've been reading fanfic.

[anime-dub-transcripts]

Hetalia: Axis Powers Episode #12 Transcript

This episode has France's proposal to Britain and Britain spying on the Axis.

France: So, Britain…I have something important to say to you. I would like…for you to marry me.

Britain: Ahuhh…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Britain: That’s very funny, France. I don’t believe it’s April Fool’s Day yet.

{Caption: Gloomy}

Britain: What’s the matter, old chap? You can’t even afford to buy a calendar anymore? Ahahahahaha!

France: You are wrong, mon ami.

(Mon ami: My (male) friend → French)

France: And this is not so funny.

(Britain: Hahahaha!)

Britain: Right! What the hell is wrong with you?

France: Here, take this.

{Text on paper: Marriage Registration Form}

Britain: That’s a marriage registration form, you idiot! Aah!

France: Hm! No, it’s not. Can’t you see it is a calendar?

(Britain: Uuhuhuhuhuh…)

Britain: Oh…ah…

France: It’s for you! It is a calendar!

Britain: What’s come over you?! Unhand me, you foppish twit!

{Text on paper: Marriage Registration Form}

France: Just sign it!

{Signature on paper: England}

Britain: I will do no such thing!

France: I said sign it!

(Britain: AAH!)

Britain: No! Stop it!

(France: Ehhhhgh…)

Britain: Noooo! I don’t know what you’re up to, but I don’t like it!

France: Look, I don’t want any part of this either, but we don’t have much of a choice! Come on, blame the Suez Canal! That thing has put me close to bankruptcy! If I don’t get married to you right away, I overheard my boss saying that he would kill me! That would suck!

France’s boss: I will kill you!

Britain: Huh-yuh! That’s still not a satisfactory reason to be wed! Have at you!

{Text on paper: Marriage Registration Form}

Britain: Here’s what I think of your damn form!

France: No! What are you doing?!

Britain: Now you see. That’s what happens when you try to force people to marry you, frog! Hahahahaha!

France: You brute! Dammit, don’t you even care if I die?!

(Britain: Hahahahaha!)

Britain: Ohuh…

France: Please, I’m begging you, you have to listen!

Britain: Uh!

France: I can become Britain’s quaint little French village if you want me to! Come on, help me!

Britain: I will not, fool! Why on Earth would I ever want to marry you? First of all, you need to learn to deal with and accept your failures---AAUGH!

France: Ohho! Ohonhonhon!

Britain: Unhand me this instant, you foul-smelling mime-lover! Release me! Let me go! Turn me loose! Are you not listening to me, France? Lessen that grasp! I said let go this minute! This is rather undignified!

(France: Ohonhonhonhonhahahahahahahaha!)

{Caption: drag, drag}

{Caption #1: Merger of England and France}

{Caption #2: While there was a growing sense of crisis due to the Suez Crisis in 1956, then French Prime Minister Guy Mollet suggested to England that England and France merge saying that they would agree to have Queen Elizabeth be the united sovereign. Even after being summarily turned down, he requested for France to join the Commonwealth of Nations. Well, if you think about it, that’d be…impossible}

France: No, I will be fine. You will see. Just you watch me. I’ll be fine, just fine. Ohonhonhon!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

France: Hetalia!

{Caption: Hetalia}

Germany: Count off!

Italy: Uno!

(Uno!: One! → Italian)

Japan: Ni.

(Ni: Two → Japanese)

Germany: And I’m drei.

(Drei: Three → German)

Germany: Now, for the secret training. First scenario: what would you two do if you came across Britain and you were unarmed? Well, spit it out, ja?

(Ja?: Yes? → German)

Germany: What would you do?

Italy: Oh, I know! I’ll make a white flag with a stick and a handkerchief and wave it around really fast! And then I’ll cry loudly and ask for help!

Germany: Dummkopf!

(Dummkopf!: Idiot!/Fool! → German)

Germany: If you do that, you will lose! Japan! Correct answer!

Japan: Hai.

(Hai: Yes → Japanese)

Japan: You should impersonate William the First’s wail.

{Caption: One hour later}

{Caption: Two hours later}

Japan: Eugh! Heahheaheaheah…this is fun. Training sure is helpful, hai?

(Hai?: Yes? → Japanese)

Italy: It sure is! Now I know exactly what to do if I ever run into Britain!

Germany: Sehr gut!

(Sehr gut!: Very good! → German)

Germany: Let us continue! Britain wants you to acknowledge his bastard child as your own. What do you do?

(Britain: Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh)

Britain: Hahaha! Stupid Germany. I’m SAS. When it comes to spying, no one is better than Britain. Cheers. Ha!

(Cat: Meow?)

(Mouse: Squeak!)

Britain: That was all too easy. Now I shall observe your top-secret training.

Germany: What do you do? Britain is slowly closing in on you, but he’s dressed up for Carnival and swishing his hips!

Britain: AAUGH!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Britain: Hetalia!

{Caption: Hetalia}

Italy: Hello! Good morning, Japan!

Japan: Oah…

Italy: Hug!

Japan: Uhahoh! No, please, I don’t understand what’s happening. You invade my personal space!

(Italy: Oof!)

Japan: Not that I need a lot to begin with.

Italy: Ohhhh…

Japan: I do hope you realize how awkward that whole thing was for me.

Italy: Ohhhh…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Japan: Hetalia!

{Caption: Hetalia}

{Caption: News Flash!}

{Caption: This scratch…Could it be…from that time?}

{Caption: America’s Storage Room Cleaning}

{Caption #1: Hetalia}

{Caption #2: America’s Storage Room Cleaning}

{Caption #3: Coming Soon!}

[gallusrostromegalus]

Progress On The Garden At The End Of The Universe

So, after about a month of trying to assemble pieces, getting the wrong primer, waiting for the weather to cooperate, and general malaise, The Garden At The End Of The Universe is getting underway!

The process so far has been:

Attempt to figure out where the sprinkler heads are so you don't put a bed over them and drown your plants.

After searching for a week, call up a guy who literally calls himself "Sprinkler Dave" and have him poke the box until they all are accounted for.

While Dave is poking the box, answer his questions about mRNA vaccines and urge him to get his ASAP. Sprinkler Dave agrees this is a good idea and the next time he is back, he has his vaccine sticker in the window of his truck. We are keeping Sprinkler Dave.

Mow lawn as short as possible and spread probably too much clover seed about two weeks late but hey it's still coming up and fixing nitrogen/keeping the water needs down.

Halfway through mowing, run out of gas.

Go to gas station

Get yelled at that "THE LIL 2-GALLON AIN'T GONNA GETCHYA THROUGH WHAT'S COMIN'!" by a neighbor with the same double-digit number of guns as IQ points.

"I just want it to get the lawn done.

Notice he is filling what appears to be a 120 gallon open-topped fish tank with gas. There is a box of saran wrap in the truck bed with it.

Remember that this is the neighbor that got arrested at fourth of July, thanksgiving and a gender reveal party in his yard for having the kind of explosives you need a license for, even if we weren't under a fire ban.

For the fourth time in as many months, call the police before this damn fool kills himself and the rest of the block.

Finish mowing and sowing.

Purchase galvanized steel pieces off moderately sketchy Garden supply online store.

Be delighted when the pieces arrive and they have sent you twice as many as you thought.

Attempt to paint galvanized steel pieces.

Learn you need primer.

Order latex aluminum primer.

Latex aluminum primer gets boat stuck sideways in the Suez canal.

Well, at least the weather is still cold and occasionally blizzardy, so its not like it will hold anything up.

Primer garden beds.

Explain to dogs that they do not need to help you with this.

Paint beds.

Watch Cooper's Hawk take a squirrel right off the fence while painting and cheer, much to the horror of your neighbor whose porch the squirrel is being eaten on. Sorry Linda.

Use shovel to dig small gap in the lawn and kick bed until it is wedged in and the top is mostly level.

Take leftover pizza and moving boxes and tear them into large chunks to mostly cover the lawn inside the beds. This helps kill the grass underneath, and keeps the water from immediately draining into the ground until the plants are big enough to bust through the cardboard themselves.

Get dirt.

Realize a Honda hatchback is not really a "hauling" vehicle, then drive home with probably way too much in it anyway.

Open up compost box.

Discover that compost is not nearly as fermented as you had hoped, but still progressing and full of friends like centipedes, worms, mushrooms and mice.

Tackle a corgi to keep him from eating a centipede. Idk if they're actually dangerous for dogs but I did not want to find out.

Watch corgi eat a nightcrawler worm like a spaghetti Instead. (Vet said that was ok).

Send dogs back inside for being a little too hakuna matata with the compost pile.

Traumatize Linda again when she asks you how your garden is going by holding up and enormous earthworm and gleefully telling her to " LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THIS LAD!!"

Mix equal parts topsoil and compost/manure to get dirt that has both dissolved nutrients and enough grit to keep it from getting compacted.

Retreat indoors from incoming thunderstorm and shave head.

Further updates as events warrant.

(if you want to support my garden or get the dogs "sorry you can't eat centipedes" treats, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi or PayPal, or if you think I'm funny, you can pre-order my book on Patreon. Thank you so much!)

[ofpineapplesanddawns]

Would you like to write a little drabble with some interaction between Crowley and Phileas? :)

I'm shocked no one has asked me for something with these two before! :O

On with the fic!

--

It was surreal, really, to see his face on someone else, but Crowley had been around for a very, very long time, and he's met a few look-alikes over the centuries.

There was that damn Casanova, who got Crowley in trouble with a man in Italy who mistook him for the flirt. There was also that weirdo who spoke like he was from the future, though Crowley had to admit, his sense of fashion was excellent.

Crowley even swore he'd seen a few 'famous' people in history with his face.

But there was something about Phileas Fogg that... fascinated Crowley.

It was like looking in a mirror, if that mirror showed him to be like Aziraphale, in a sense.

The mannerisms, the sense of fashion, even the way he spoke, it was like Crowley had dressed up as Aziraphale and decided to do so with a mustache. It was strange, weird, and made Crowley feel a weird sense of jealousy in his stomach every time he saw the two of them interacting.

But he was aware that Phileas didn't have feelings for Aziraphale. No, he had feelings for the charming globe-trotter who shared a lot of resemblance with Crowley's angel.

Still, the jealousy sat in his stomach, and Crowley wanted it gone. He had no beef with this human, but he did want to see what had Aziraphale so fascinated.

Crowley approached Phileas, finding him easily on the ship. He had gone to the dining hall where a bar was, seeming to be reading quietly while drinking a soda water. Ah, still dealing with sea sickness, it seems. Reading won't help, but... he'll figure that out.

"Hey, mirror." Crowley grinned, sitting himself down in the seat next to Phileas. The human looked at him, a bit startled, then looked away.

"Oh, uh, good afternoon, Mr. Crowley."

"Ah, no need for that! Just call me Crowley, no need for misters and missuses with me."

Phileas looked at him, quite confused. "Missuses?"

"Don't worry about it, you'll probably learn later." Crowley shrugged before ordering a drink for himself. "So, how are you feeling about this trip so far? We're gonna be heading to the Suez Canal in just... three days time, yes? You thinkin' you can handle the next step of the journey?"

The gentleman sighed softly, closing the book, which Crowley realized was one of Aziraphale's, he recognized the condition it was in. "I'm... not sure how I feel about this, Mis- Crowley. Those first few days before getting on the ship, they were quite the whirlwind of chaos! A revolution in Paris, a near fatal injury to a young boy in Italy, and it's just over two weeks into the journey. I fear that more trouble is on the way."

He ran a finger over the rim of his glass, biting his bottom lip. "Do you think I should continue? I mean, I could turn back, at the next port, accept defeat-"

Crowley interrupted with a very loud, rude sound from his lips. Phileas shot him a look but Crowley spoke. "I think you should, and no, you shouldn't accept defeat, you twit."

"T-twit?"

"Look, Phileas," Crowley took his drink when it was offered to him, "I get it, it's... draining, to want to be seen as a success in the eyes of your peers. Trust me, I've been like that for years, many... many years."

He took a long drink. "I know how it feels to want to be seen as good enough, to be known you did something to make yourself proud, but it's not easy. Everyone will judge you, people will never see your little victories when the big picture is there."

"It's..." Phileas wrung his hands, so much like how Aziraphale did. "It's more than just that, Crowley. It's more of what got me out of my chair and onto this journey in the first place."

Crowley looked at him, and he could read Phileas like a book. For once, it wasn't Aziraphale he was seeing in the man, it was himself. "You're doing this for someone." He said as a fact, not a question.

Phileas looked startled, frightful, but then he nodded, looking at the counter. "I... there was someone from my past, who I should have done this journey with so long ago."

Crowley sipped his drink, leaning in close. "I won't tell anyone about this, just so you know." He wouldn't tell a soul, he had his own secret reasons for the things he did, he wasn't going to blurt out Phileas'.

"Thank you, Crowley." Phileas sighed. "But yes, it's more than this bet, it's for myself, and for... my friend, for her. Because I failed in the past."

"I understand completely."

Crowley wasn't just on this journey to help Aziraphale, or to accept the offer the angel gave him. This was more for Crowley to be reliable to Aziraphale again, to mend the damage that he caused with his question.

"Look, it's good to have these reasons that you want to keep secret, but you shouldn't let your worries get the best of you. Come on, you've done so well so far!" Crowley spoke, throwing a hand up in the air.

"Such as...?"

"You saved the president of France by complete accident, and you rode through the sky in a balloon! How many humans can say they've flown through the air like a bird!? And you saved that boy's life, when everyone else had quickly given up hope. Hell, you even figured out how to get that train to go across the tracks. Honestly? Of all the humans Aziraphale has taken an interest in, you're the most fascinating."

Phileas looked at him, confused and mumbling 'human?' before smiling just a bit. "You make it seem like that's the highest compliment."

"Trust me, Aziraphale's approval is very, very important."

The man nodded. "You have great respect for our mutual friend."

"Oh, you have no idea, mirror." Crowley smirked, taking another sip from his drink. "So! The angel told me that you like technology, what do you think of the idea of horseless carriages?"

He saw something light up behind Phileas' eyes and the man quickly started to ramble with great interest. Crowley grinned behind the rim of his glass, ah, he could see why Aziraphale took an interest in this human.

You always tend to drift towards the familiar.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Podcasting "We Should Not Endure a King"

This week on my podcast, I read my Medium column “We Should Not Endure a King: Antitrust is a political cause, not an economic one,” an essay addressed to my fellow leftists who are skeptical of antitrust as a “market” solution.

https://marker.medium.com/we-should-not-endure-a-king-dfef34628153

It’s a perfectly reasonable fear. For the past four decades, the entire antitrust discourse has been about economics — about when a company’s anticompetitive conduct is “inefficient,” based on some complex mathematical formula.

But that’s not how antitrust works, it’s how it was made to fail. Antitrust has its origins in politics, not economics. When Senator John Sherman (of “Sherman Act” fame) exhorted his fellow senators to pass his bill, he said, “If we will not endure a King as a political power we should not endure a King over the production, transportation, and sale of the necessaries of life. If we would not submit to an emperor we should not submit to an autocrat of trade with power to prevent competition and to fix the price of any commodity.”

Sherman was responding not to the economic power of the robber barons, but their political power — not their ability to decide what to buy and sell, but to decide how millions of people lived their lives. He understood that the robber barons had usurped the power of democratically accountable legislatures, and, moreover, had set themselves against democracy itself.

Monopolists are, by definition, a small group of people with a lot of money. The smaller the group, the easier it is for them to find consensus, and when that small group is rich, they can put that consensus into motion. Money is power, after all, so when all the money is in a very small number of hands, then so is all the power.

The ability of oligarchs to usurp the power of the state is hardly controversial. Thomas Jefferson was furious that his proposal to put antitrust in the Bill of Rights was struck down, because he felt that democratic governance would not survive the assault of concentrated private power:

https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Madison/01-10-02-0210

The point of using antitrust to foster competition isn’t to perfect markets — it’s to weaken industry. An industry made up of many small- and medium-sized firms that compete with one another is easier to regulate, because it shatters into unstable factions that can be pitted against one another.

In other words, antitrust is political, not economic.

But 40 years ago, fabulists from the University of Chicago School of Economics sold a bizarre conspiracy theory about the True Meaning of Antitrust. They argued that if you read the Sherman Act and its legislative successors closely enough, you’d learn that Congress never wanted to tame the political might of tycoons — rather, they simply wanted to ensure that whatever monopolies did form were “efficient.” In other words, they wanted an antitrust that permitted “kings over production,” provided they were wise and benevolent kings.

This is just wrong. Obviously, very, wrong. The plain language of the laws made that clear, as did the speeches of the lawmakers that passed them. If there was any doubt, we can settle it by looking at the record of this Chicago-style antitrust rule.

After 40 years of heeding the counsel of Chicago School economists, we have an oil industry that is so powerful it can roast the planet with impunity. We have a tech industry addicted to the wholesale harvesting (and breaching) of our most sensitive personal data — and no federal privacy law.

We have shippers consolidated into four cartels who keep building bigger and bigger ships, ignoring the objections of experts who warn that they’re gonna get stuck in the Suez Canal. We have a war industry consolidated into five giant companies that gets a literal blank check from Congress every year, while the Child Tax Credit is cut off because it’s “living beyond our means.”

Our legislatures have become creatures of concentrated monopoly power. Year after year, legislatures find it ever-harder to pass legislation with popular support. Today, it’s effectively impossible to pass a law if the business lobby doesn’t support it:

https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/perspectives-on-politics/article/testing-theories-of-american-politics-elites-interest-groups-and-average-citizens/62327F513959D0A304D4893B382B992B

The right stole antitrust. They sold the idiotic conspiracy theory that the only reason to promote competition was to create “efficiency.” They convinced us that politics had no place in antitrust. They lied and it’s killing us.

Today, antitrust is surging. It’s even picked up support from the GOP, at least insofar as some of the great slime-creatures of the MAGA right have committed themselves to tech trustbusting in revenge for deplatforming their favorite demagogues.

The irony is that they’re not wrong to worry about a handful of executives having the power to shape our discourse. Big Tech truly does have an unaccountable dominion over our public square:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/07/right-or-left-you-should-be-worried-about-big-tech-censorship

But don’t let Ted Cruz fool you. If Big Tech would reinstate Trump and Alex Jones, he’d go back to his lifelong love-affair with concentrated corporate power.

It’s not just Trumpy Republicans who have found antitrust religion. Telecoms companies and entertainment cartels today style themselves as antitrust warriors — but only to the extent that they want to weaken Big Tech and divide it up among themselves.

Telco and studio lobbyists and GOP populists are making a very foolish bet. They think they can wake antitrust from its 40-year coma, use it to tame Big Tech, and then euthanize it. They’re wrong. Monopoly power has hurt so many people, in so many ways, that any political proof that we can shatter cartels will embolden the public to move on from tech to every other concentrated industry. First we take Googbook, then we take Universal-Comcast and Goldman Sachs.

The right tricked the left into thinking that antitrust is their tool. If we buy into that fantasy, we surrender of the most powerful weapons in our arsenal for fighting oligarchy.

Here’s the podcast episode: https://craphound.com/news/2022/02/27/we-should-not-endure-a-king/

Here’s a direct link to the MP3 (hosting courtesy of the Internet Archive, they’ll host your stuff for free, forever):

https://archive.org/download/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_416/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_416_-_We_Should_Not_Endure_a_King.mp3

And here’s the RSS for my podcast:

https://feeds.feedburner.com/doctorow_podcast

Image: Ohio State University Cartoon Research Library https://hti.osu.edu/opper/lesson-plans/business-versus-labor-and-the-role-of-government/images/the-king-of-the-combinations

[educatedinyellow]

2021 Fanworks Masterlist

I’m rachelindeed on AO3, and educatedinyellow here on tumblr. Here’s a round-up of my fan creations this year :)

(vid) Peter Wimsey/Harriet Vane: You Matter to Me. A tribute to Peter and Harriet's evolving romance, from the 1987 BBC series starring Edward Petherbridge and Harriet Walter. 

(vid) Destiel: Fighting the Narrative. The forces of heaven, hell, and the narrative constantly put Dean and Cas into unwinnable, tragic situations, but they always fought to defy fate. Ultimately when the story ends, they break free and can write their own future together.

(fic) best things dwell out of Sight (Holmes/Watson, 9.5K, Ritchie Holmes) In a society where telepathic ability is too often equated with worth, Miss Mary Sutherland is short-Sighted. But that didn't stop her from smelling a rat in Mr. Hosmer Angel's courtship, and her case gives Holmes and Watson the chance to prove that the marriage of true minds requires no magic at all.

(vid) Holmes/Watson multiverse: Just Dance! It's a Holmesian dance party and everyone's invited!

(vid) Emma: Judge of your own happiness Emma learns the workings of her heart. A tribute to the lovely 2009 adaptation of Austen's "Emma."

(vid) Dean Winchester: My Kind of Man Dean's father taught him to be a certain kind of man, but throughout his life his loved ones try to help him figure out what kind of man he truly wants to be.

(vid) Destiel: Scarborough Fair Remember me to one who lives there; he once was a true love of mine.

Total number of completed things: 6 vids, 1 fic, plus 2 pencil sketches

Total word count: 9,600 words

Fandoms created for: Dorothy L. Sayers mysteries, Supernatural, Ritchie Holmes, Emma 2009 miniseries, plus a whole lot of Holmesian adaptations for my multiverse vid

Looking back, did you create more than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? A little less, I think. This wordcount is pretty average for me, I usually bow out at around 10K words a year. But in recent years I've tended to make a few more fanvids than I did this year. In the last quarter of the year real life concerns took precedence, and that's fine.

What’s your own favorite creation of the year? I can honestly say I like them all, but my favorite vid is Scarborough Fair -- I've always thought the song was beautiful, and I think the match of lyrics and images turned out quite lovely. And I'm always pleased whenever I get a story written, because that's a good deal harder for me than any of my other creative endeavors. I loved taking the opportunity to add a little magical realism to a Victorian Holmes verse, I adore that kind of thing.

Did you take any creative risks this year? Not…really? Mostly I just did My Usual Sorts of Things :) I did see some progress this year though. I'm proud of the Diana Rigg portrait, it's a definite improvement for me in my sketching.

Do you have any goals for the new year? I have one fanvid already made that I'll be posting in the new year, but otherwise I have no idea what I'll be working on next. I tend to play things very much by ear.

Most popular creation of the year? Ahaha, this one is hilarious! So, the Ever Given got stuck in the Suez Canal, yes? Well, apparently YouTube's algorithms took that as a sign to start promoting the hell out of anything whatsoever with a nautical theme…As a result, a Master and Commander fanvid that I made in 2019 for a small Festivids exchange suddenly and completely unexpectedly took off. This thing had less than 10 likes on tumblr, but purely thanks to mysterious algorithm magic it's currently clocking in at 33,000+ views on YouTube. Truly the funniest and most random thing I could ever have achieved popularity with, LOL!

Creation of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: I'm glad whenever anyone looks at anything of mine! I do regret a little bit, though, that there is no online place within the large Destiel fandom devoted to sharing fanvids. I think Destiel fans might enjoy some of mine, but there's really nowhere in particular I can put them where they will be seen. I mean, I put them on AO3, obviously, but in my experience most people on AO3 are there looking for fic, not vids. And YouTube is not well organized for fandoms, there's too much else going on over there so these things tend to vanish quickly into the ether. *shrug* C'est la vie.

Most fun thing to make: Just Dance!! So many Holmeses, so many Watsons, even so many Moriartys! It finally introduced me to Sherlock Hound, which was a delight. Also, Lady Gaga's song is a bop and it was very cheering listening to it endlessly as I worked.

Most unintentionally telling thing: This was intentional, actually, but best things dwell out of Sight was the first fic in which I have been conscious of incorporating some of my feelings as an asexual person into my writing (not in a literal sense, the characters in the fic are not ace, but I'm personally aware of that element influencing some parts of the story).

Biggest disappointment: I've left Vimes/Vetinari languishing too long! Let's get those wheels moving again!!

Biggest surprise: I was so happy to hear that one of my tumblr friends enjoyed my Peter/Harriet vid and was prompted to check out the 1980s miniseries as a result, which they enjoyed very much! What a pleasure, to have gotten to introduce them to something they wound up falling in love with the same way I did!

Wishing you all the best for 2022, creatively and in all other ways, too!

[love-from-middle-earth]

A lot of us here in Middle Earth wanted to talk to you today, but unfortunately, our conduit to your world was complaining about their fingers cramping up, so we decided that rather than make them write out our individual messages, we’d work together on this! So, without further ado, here’s a list of 40 reasons to stay alive.

1. Eating your favorite foods! (Merry)

2. Sculpting! Or any hobby you love, really. (Nerdanel)

3. Making new friends and doing fun stuff with them! (Fingon)

4. All the animals you haven’t petted yet! (Celegorm)

5. The feeling of waking up after a night of restful sleep and good dreams. (Irmo)

6. If you’re interested in romance, falling in love.💛 (Indis)

7. Your favorite weather. (Manwë)

8. Most of the ocean hasn’t been explored yet!! (Uinen)

9. How else are you going to achieve world domination? (Melkor)

10. Learning cool new things. (Curufin)

11. Getting to use those awesome comebacks you’ve never gotten the chance to pull out! (Caranthir)

12. MEMES!! (Pippin)

13. Pretty music. I love that! (Finrod)

14. The potential for being happier than you are now. (Maedhros)

15. Reading. (Frodo)

16. The beauty of the stars. (Varda)

17. Traveling wherever you want to go! (Eärendil)

18. Becoming a god. You never know, it could happen. (Sauron)

19. Feminism!! (Haleth)

20. Delicious smells...mmm. (Sam)

21. Rewatching your favorite movies or shows. (Finduilas)

22. Spiting Fingolfin your enemies. (Fëanor)

23. Seeing the Suez Canal get unblocked! (Círdan)

24. All the people who love and care for you. (Argon)

25. Birthday presents!! (Gollum)

26. Funny jokes! And laughter in general. (Lalwen)

27. Getting to the next level in a game! (Glorfindel)

28. Experiencing the joy of fully being yourself. (Arwen)

29. The euphoria of being right all along. (Finarfin)

30. The clean feeling of getting into a freshly made bed with nice pajamas on. (Bilbo)

31. Not giving me more work to do. I’m busy enough already. (Námo)

32. Fanfiction and fanart! Those authors/artists need your kudos and comments! (Faramir)

33. Getting better at the things you care about. (Aragorn)

34. Achieving your dreams. (Éowyn)

35. I want you to!! Don’t make me sad!! (Aredhel)

36. Poetry. (Maglor)

37. Supporting your friends. (Elrond)

38. Something exciting might happen tomorrow! (Belladonna Took)

39. Dancing. It’s really fun! Have you tried it? (Lúthien)

40. Eradicating bigotry. (Gimli)

[runawaymarbles]

I posted 2,615 times in 2021

325 posts created (12%)

2290 posts reblogged (88%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 7.0 posts.

I added 876 tags in 2021

#op - 268 posts

#spn - 149 posts

#my life - 84 posts

#suez canal - 73 posts

#black sails - 64 posts

#asks - 55 posts

#castiel - 52 posts

#answers - 51 posts

#destiel - 49 posts

#btvs - 31 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#unfortunately every character was insufferable and i could not imagine why they would all be willingly in the same place at the same time

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Just learned today that the boxliners at work call me Taylor swift because I “look like someone who listens to Taylor swift,” and I’m torn between being thrilled that my work disguise has been so successful and baffled at being so completely misunderstood

588 notes • Posted 2021-10-14 02:58:26 GMT

#4

leftist protests: don’t bring your phone don’t wear distinctive clothing don’t take photos certainly don’t take photos with anyone’s faces don’t post about what you’re doing on social media they will use it to hunt you down and arrest you

Trumpers, yesterday: what’s up twitter here is a selfie of myself committing a felony, i’m gonna tell the newspaper about it, I am immune to consequences

636 notes • Posted 2021-01-07 21:13:27 GMT

#3

obsessed with the first image to pop up when you do a bing search for Dean Winchester i wanted to see if he had a middle name

1986 notes • Posted 2021-04-12 06:13:39 GMT

#2

Going on tumblr and complaining about people being cringe has very “girl what were YOU doing at the devil’s sacrament” vibes

13865 notes • Posted 2021-07-11 06:32:54 GMT

#1

Muppets Supernatural with Misha Collins as the only human character. However, he is constantly carrying around and manipulating a muppet “vessel” because the muppets won’t talk to him otherwise

20640 notes • Posted 2021-02-11 06:09:27 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[rayveewrites]

Ray Hijacks the Team ZIT Ghostbuster AU Again

So @shadeswift99 made a few posts a while ago about a Team ZIT(S) ghostbuster AU, And then I may or may not have hijacked the post to add in ideas for most of the other hermits because why not.

Now, back then I was spitballing ideas and making them up on the spot, which is admittedly my usual writing process, but hey.

That said, I've had more time to think about it, and then last night I blacked out for a few hours and came to with a Google Doc filled with short bios for all of the hermits and a handful of hermit-adjacents. Now, this rapidly turned into an urban fantasy AU in my hands, but hey. It's fun.

This is in alphabetical order, with alternate personas (EX, Helsknight, Beetlejhost) beneath their original counterparts when applicable:

Bdubs

Lives in an old mansion in the woods alongside Doc for reasons known only to them. Bdubs works as an interior designer, with a side gig as a freelance hairdresser. His eyes are unnaturally large, similar to Keralis’, and he is at least partially a plant. Completely feral and frequently gets in trouble for having knives on him at all times. He and Cleo have a thing called Knife Club which makes everyone else nervous. Nobody messes with Knife Club. It’s not worth it. Sunbathes frequently.

Beef

Is a perfectly normal human being. He works as a butcher with a side gig as a graphic designer specializing in album covers and spends his free time playing pokemon and dragging Etho along to social events. He was the first person to spot the cryptid, and the first person who Etho approached of his own accord.

Biffa

Is a ghost possessing a robotic shell. Biffa is from the future. While initially his main goal was to get back home to his own time, Biffa has since made friends and settled down into a new life running a cafe specializing in a wide range of teas. He’s quite content with this, and has actually found himself far happier than he was in his own time. While his nature means he can see, hear and touch ghosts, his body was built specifically for a disembodied soul to be in the driver’s seat, and he doesn’t want to risk another taking control. Also, he has more important things to do than have fistfights with ghosts.

Cleo

Is a ghost possessing her own dead corpse. Her nature allows her to see, hear and touch ghosts. Can and will fistfight spirits. She works as a teacher, so she’s usually busy, but occasionally in really nasty situations the Beetlejhost will drag her in to break a ghost’s legs. Does sculpture in her free time, and is actually really good. The only one who can wrangle Beetle to any real capacity, and she’s learned to keep him on a fairly short leash. Housemates with Joe, and Keralis also pops in pretty frequently. Has Knife Club with Bdubs. Has an enchanted flower crown that prevents her from decaying further; a gift from Beetle. Recently started learning magic in the form of necromancy and illusions. Has an ongoing ‘feud’ with Zloy, in which she temporarily traps his soul in random inanimate objects every now and then.

Cub

A bit of a ‘mad scientist’ archetype, Cub’s experiments are not exactly the most ethical, though they’re at least more professional than Doc’s. Responsible for the creation of Jevin. Cub gets possessed stupidly easily- sometimes willingly- and can usually handle it himself but sometimes has to call for help. Has a magical method of communication with Scar for exactly this reason. Has a day job as co-owner of a business called ConCorp, which he started with Scar. Has probably broken the Geneva Convention.

Doc

Was presumably human at one point. Now an abomination. Repeated experiments on himself have resulted in a massively changed facial and foot structure, a body covered in mottled green scales, claws, and goat horns. He lost half his face in one of his experiments, and constructed a new cybernetic one. He lost his right arm fighting God. Killed said god and would do it again. Lives in a mansion in the woods with Bdubs, though nobody’s really sure why. Owns a casino because of course he does. Also a living crime against fashion, because the man refuses to wear anything other than his tattered lab coat, torn jeans, and crocs.

Ely

Runs the local radio station. Nobody’s ever seen him in person, and nobody knows where he gets people’s voice clips for his remixes. Probably a cryptid. Maybe a ghost. Seems pretty chill, despite the blatant invasions of privacy.

Etho

Is a cryptid. Lives out in the woods in an abomination that can barely be called a house. Has never been seen in anything other than full Kakashi cosplay. Tends to keep to himself, but occasionally lets Beef drag him along to social events, often with Doc and Bdubs. Nobody really knows what his deal is. Probably not human. Probably.

False

Used to be part of an illegal underground cage fighting ring, until she earned enough to buy her way out. Having grown up in said ring, she struggles to adjust to normal life, but living in a town where the barista is a robot and the local tailor has wings makes it easier. She now has a job as security at Doc’s casino, alongside Iskall.

Grian

Is either an angel or a demigod, but nobody knows which. Has wings. Is both a tailor and an architect. A complete gremlin who has elaborate masks of various birds and will wear them to commit crimes. Eats seeds. Messes with everyone else’s plants. Lives in Jungle Wood Flats. Volunteers at the local theatre.

Hypno

Has three eyes, but hides the third one under a bandanna at all times. Can see ghosts with it. Had problems with sections of plumbing randomly getting clogged and also making very weird noises, and eventually called Team ZIT when the plumbers couldn’t find the source. Was prepared for ghosts, but wound up with a slime creature instead. Works in a $2 store for some reason.

Impulse

Is fully human. The most sensible member of Team ZIT (which admittedly isn’t saying much), Impulse has a day job as a freelancer building custom PCs and fixing broken tech. Agreed to the whole ghostbusting deal because he was bored, mostly. Was the first one to meet Skizz face-to-face, and is the one to own that particular place outright. Gets possessed every now and then, usually by larger spirits. Used to run solely on caffeine and chronic anxiety until Zedaph started getting on his case about his sleep schedule. Now he runs on less caffeine, more sleep, and the same amount of chronic anxiety.

Iskall

Was part of a cloning experiment to create the ultimate hitman, and was the only known one to both survive and escape before the whole thing was shut down by the authorities. Their eye and arm were replaced with cybernetics in order to increase their already enhanced abilities, and they were chased by said authorities, eventually winding up on Mumbo’s doorstep and becoming Mumbo’s problem. Now works as security at Doc’s casino, alongside False. Lives at Jungle Wood flats. Occasionally volunteers at the local theatre. Does bonsai as a hobby.

Jevin

Is the slime creature in the pipes. Hypno lets him live with him under the condition he stops blocking the plumbing and making weird noises at 3 AM (Jevin still blocks the plumbing and makes weird noises at 3 AM, just not as much as he was). Has taught himself to take a humanoid shape, and likes having fingers. Sleeps in the bathtub because he can. Was created from a vat of chemicals in a secret lab underneath the house, which used to be owned by Cub. Doesn’t really talk to the man in question that much, but will occasionally refer to Cub as his father for the sole reason of watching him go through eight existential crises in three minutes. Has a glock.

Joe

Head librarian at the local public library, and has read a lot of books on Supernatural Things. Is a veritable fountain of exposition if you can figure out what he’s saying or have Cleo along with you to threaten the integrity of his shins. Has never been seen in the same place as the Beetlejhost. Are they the same person? Are they entirely separate beings? Is there a Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde-type situation going on? Who knows!

Beetlejhost

Literally nobody really knows what his deal is. Nobody. Team ZIT ran into him on a call that they expected to be a false alarm and then he decided to follow them home. Spends most of his time being a minor nuisance in the most bizarre ways possible. Is implied to be responsible for the Ever Given getting lodged in the Suez Canal, but never confirmed. When he’s not bothering Team ZIT or getting them out of tight spots, he’s usually pestering Cleo, the only one who can keep him in line. It’s not really known if he and Cleo have a history or if they’re just Like That.

Keralis

Is a ghost haunting an architecture firm, and is mostly bound to the building, though he can travel to other buildings the firm has built, which is, uh, most of them. Initially only able to do small things- mostly writing notes or drawing diagrams- he eventually meets the Beetlejhost when the latter follows Mumbo to work one day for shits and giggles (he wanted to see how long he could mess with Mumbo before the man noticed. As it turned out, about a week, and by the end it was Iskall who noticed). After a couple of days in which Beetle teaches Keralis Ghost Things™, he scares half the office when he finally manifests for the first time. Has unnaturally large eyes and nicknames for most of the workers. Has no idea how he died or what his unfinished business might be. Very knowledgeable about architecture, and his input is usually very much appreciated.

Mumbo

Is a perfectly normal human being who does IT at Keralis’ architecture firm. Lives at Jungle Wood flats and spends most of his free time tinkering with tech and trying to keep Grian and Iskall out of trouble, which is a losing battle. Has a large, beating golden heart in his flat. He’s not really sure what its deal is, but if he feeds it apples it produces enough power for the entire building. Oh, and if he forgets to feed it for an extended period of time it starts draining his bank account. It’s really weird.

Pixlriffs

Was a perfectly normal human being until he died protecting a certain Russian zombie and became a perfectly normal ghost. Was a reporter in life and is a reporter in death. Runs a blog alongside Zloy about the local goings-on, supernatural or not. The blog’s the type where unless you live in/near the town you most likely won’t stumble across it, but they do have a small following of outsiders who assume the blog’s just a work of fiction. His unfinished business is to prevent Zloy from doing anything particularly stupid, a constant battle. Is able to go more places than Zloy due to being incorporeal, but respects people’s privacy. He’s bound to Zloy to a certain degree, not being able to go beyond a certain range of his friend. The range is pretty big, though, and he has plenty freedom of movement.

Python

Had a run-in with the fae as a kid, in which he accidentally pissed one off. In retribution, the faerie challenged him to answer a riddle or he’d be turned into a snake. Python’s answer was partially correct, so the faerie only transformed him partially. Python is fairly chill, though he strongly dislikes the cold and starts hissing if anyone disturbs him during Sun Time™. Sometimes Bdubs, being partially flora, joins Python for Sun Time™. He’s not venomous, because, you know...python. Also, he has a mildly disturbing habit of strangling rats and mice and then eating them whole, but he can’t help it and just tries not to do so when he has company.

Ren

Is a werewolf. He’s pretty chill regardless of form, though it’s only been recently he’s been comfortable enough leaving his ears and tail visible. He works as a lumberjack. One time Pixl introduced him to Monty Python’s Lumberjack Song and it quickly became his favourite thing. He spends most of his free time volunteering at the local theatre because Ren is absolutely a theatre kid and nobody can convince me otherwise. Gets possessed every now and then. Lives in Jungle Wood flats.

Scar

Works as a landscape developer. Gets possessed absurdly easily, though not quite as frequently as Cub. Has a magical method of communication with him. Technically co-owns ConCorp, but isn’t as involved. His cat, Jellie, is very obviously an eldritch abomination in feline form and he is comedically unaware of this. Lives in Jungle Wood Flats with Grian, Iskall, Mumbo, Stress, and Ren.

Skizz

Is the ghost haunting Team ZIT’s office. He was murdered by someone he’d thought was a friend who was trying to use his place to hide from the cops, and he’s stuck around, haunting the building. His unfinished business is to make sure nobody else uses the building for anyone shady, but the ghost rumours tended to chase most people off. Eventually he gets used to having Team ZIT around, and when Tango admits he doesn’t really have anywhere to go one day, Skizz eventually makes the decision to finally unlock the still-furnished upper floor for him. He’s bound to the building, but Impulse learns that carrying Skizz’s old vest with them allows him to leave. After that, Skizz sometimes accompanies them on missions and occasionally just hanging out. He’s usually more helpful than the Beetlejhost is.

Stress

Is a witch. Stress lives in Jungle Wood Flats and works as a doctor who specializes in supernaturally caused injuries- Team ZIT are some of her best customers. She also sells magic potions of various kinds, and has a side gig as a florist. She’s 90% of the Jungle inhabitants’ impulse control. Also has cryokinesis.

Tango

The Team ZIT member with a car. He gets possessed with frankly ridiculous frequency, but claims not to believe in ghosts for a long time (and keeps up the bit for even longer). Has developed various signals to indicate when he’s being possessed again. The strongest one, a rather nasty demon Cleo and the Beetlejhost had to team up on, left him with his glowing red eyes. He didn’t really have anywhere to go before Impulse bought the office, and tended to sleep on the couch or in his car until Skizz decided to let him into the upper floor, where he now lives alongside Zedaph and Impulse.

TFC

A now-retired ghostbuster, TFC calls in Team ZIT one night when he finds himself in over his head against a ghost with a grudge. He winds up becoming a bit of a mentor figure to the trio, usually coaching them over the phone if they’re not sure how to deal with one of the stranger spirits. Lost his leg years ago in a fight with a poltergeist that could have gone better, and now has a robotic prosthetic made by Doc.

Wels

While Team ZIT was out investigating some rumour or another in the woods, they came across a large stone box. Following video game logic, I guess, they then decided opening this large stone box sounded like a fun idea. Well, Tango and Zedaph did. Impulse was a bit more hesitant. The box actually held a medieval knight who’d been put in an enchanted sleep for centuries by his demonic doppelgänger, and was very much not prepared for modern life. Team ZIT took him to Xisuma, who happened to live closest, and Wels is currently helping out on the farm and trying to adjust to life in the 21st century. He can understand and speak modern English just fine because magic. Volunteers at the local theatre quite a lot.

Hels

Is Wels’ doppelgänger. Technically a minor demon. Won a fight with Wels and sealed him away for centuries as a result. A recurring problem. His real motivation is that he really desperately doesn’t want to go back to Hell, but he’s too proud to admit it. Lives in the woods with EX, who’s basically his only friend, though the weirdo with the brown cardigan keeps pestering him about his backstory and feelings for some reason. Has minor pyrokinesis.

XB

Like Biffa, XB is also a ghost from the future, though it seems to be a different timeline than Biffa’s. His unfinished business is preventing the apocalypse, but he has no idea how to do that, no idea if he’s in the right timeline, and is pretty sure he’s gone back a lot farther than he probably should’ve. Also, there’s the whole paradox issue, where if he prevents the apocalypse he never has a reason to go back and prevent the apocalypse, so he doesn’t prevent the apocalypse, so he has to go back and- he tries not to think about it too much. He mostly just hangs out in an abandoned house on the edge of town and vibes.

Xisuma

Is a beekeeper. Nobody’s ever seen his face; when he’s not in his beekeeping outfit, he’s either wearing a helmet, or (more recently) an extremely lifelike and detailed animal mask (is it a mask?). Actually a shapeshifting alien, he crashed down to Earth after a scuffle with his evil clone and was stranded because Earth doesn’t have the right tools or resources to repair a spaceship. These days he’s actually found he’s happier tending to his bees, selling honey, and helping his friends out, and probably wouldn’t leave Earth even if he could. It’s a simpler life, but a pleasant one. He bonds with Biffa over a shared love of tea and being stranded in a technologically inferior world and finding a home.

Evil Xisuma

Is Xisuma’s clone. Feels that if everyone’s going to call him ‘Evil’ he may as well own it. Shot his original’s spaceship down in a scuffle but wound up being brought down with him. Currently hides in the woods. Generally more of a minor nuisance than an actual danger. Used to spend his free time bothering X but has gotten put off by Wels, who has a problem when it comes to evil clones. His friends consist of Hels, who is a terrible role model, and Zedaph, who’s trying to help him work through his problems behind everyone’s backs. Can summon lightning because he deserves it.

Zedaph

Is the reason Team ZIT is ghostbusting in the first place. He’s a sheep shearer by trade, but that’s a fairly seasonal thing and ghostbusting is more fun anyway. Has somehow never been possessed, and claims it’s because he’s always standing next to Tango. He makes sure the other two gets enough sleep Because we all know they can’t be trusted to do it. Probably has some sort of really bizarre and situational magical powers he is thoroughly unaware of. Qualified to be a licensed therapist. Made friends with Evil X at one point, somehow.

Zloy

Like Cleo, he’s a ghost possessing a corpse. Unlike Cleo, there’s a good chance it’s not his corpse. Eh, it’s not like anyone else was using it. Runs a blog with Pixl, because why not. Was already a zombie when he met Pixl, who was still alive at the time. His body is a bit more decayed than Cleo’s, but it’s fine. His goggles are enchanted with the same preservation spell; it’s not really ever explained where he got them from. Has no regard for privacy but is fortunately unable to turn invisible or phase through walls due to inhabiting a physical body. Both can theoretically physically fight ghosts and has enough time to physically fight ghosts, meaning he would be a valuable ally if he could be bothered. Lives in a graveyard. Has an ongoing ‘feud’ with Cleo, in which he puts jabs at her on the blog. Once spent a week as a (very sarcastic) floating potato.

Hermiton

Is the name of the place they all live in/near. Located in an ambiguous location in an ambiguous country, Hermiton is technically large enough to be considered a city but has Town VibesTM. Supernatural going-ons are a fairly normal part of life, and a good number of inhabitants aren’t humans. Despite this, the wider world seems mostly ignorant of the existence of ghosts, magic, etc. I’m not too sure about geography, but it’s surrounded by forest in most directions and in a warm enough climate to not have snow in the winter (so Python doesn’t, you know, freeze to death). Most people don’t tend to bat an eyelid at strange-looking people walking down the street or serving them at the store; they’re used to it by now. There are several theories as to why Hermiton specifically has so much going on when it comes to the supernatural- ley lines, secretly the resting place of some long-forgotten god, et cetera- but it’s actually more of a case of ‘people who have supernatural traits hear rumours of a place where a lot of people have supernatural traits and go there in search of answers/a place to belong’. This doesn’t exactly explain where all the ghosts came from, but hey. Nothing’s perfect.

[you-are-so-much-better-than-that]

Hey Chrissy, happy question friday to you! You were 18th to respond today, so you get 18 questions (no I kid i kid, you get questions inspired by 18)

1) 18 is the legal drinking age here in the UK. Do you partake of alcohol and if yes were you doing so before it was legal? 🤨 or are you very very good and obey the laws?

2) You're into history, i know, so tell me your favourite thing that happened anywhere in the world in either the 18th Century, or the 1800s if you prefer.

3) Do you celebrate your birthday? If yes, did you do something special for your 18th?

😊🖤

I have a habit of reacting without fully reading and I saw 18 questions and within 0.0002 seconds my face went from 😯 to 💪🏽. I woulda done it!

1. I'm gonna answer this question backwards. No I did not drink before it was legal because I was a) a good girl for the most part, and b) terrified of my mother. HOWEVER, I was never above a loophole, and I really wanted to say I drank before it was legal. Legal drinking age in Ontario is 19, but over in Quebec it's 18. For my 19th birthday, I gathered my closest and dearest and we drove over to Montreal for a few days where I legally went clubbing for the first time and legally got Very Drunk for the first time (and danced on a pole for the first and only time 🙈). And also then proceeded to spend half a night hugging a toilet for the first of many times in my career of drinking irresponsibly. It was all very legal, but for a long time I would say 'I drank before it was legal' like it made me very cool. I have never been cool Howl. Not a day in my life.

2. Oh! Ok! Um I studied very North American and Euro-centric history, so forgive the, well, Whiteness, of it. When I think of the 18th century, I immediately thinking think of Revolution. The American revolution, the French revolution. I also think of Versailles and the court of Louis XIV. If I'm thinking 1800s, I think industrial revolution-trains and railroads, factories, Suez canal, popularization of cities, etc-War of 1812 (which Canada won 😏), Canadian confederation. I also think about American slavery and Canadian residential schools (and how fucking little we have learned, but let's not get angry right now). It's hard to pick a favourite. I tend to see it as a whole, one event that lead to another and so forth until me today existing thinking about these things. That really didn't answer your question. I just like it all! Feed me a whole meal, don't make me choose!

3. Contrary to my answer to the question above, I don't usually celebrate my birthday. Look. I love glory when I've done something and choosing to show case it. Celebrate the cake I made or the funny thing I wrote! But I am so uncomfortable being celebrated for? Being born?? Like? I don't know. I made a bit to do about my 19th, but that's about it. For my 30th, I travelled to NY to visit a friend and we watched 4 Broadway shows I'm 5 days. Super expensive weekend, but I loved it. I usually travel with my best friend, whose birthday is 3 days before mine, and we just try to find a decent restaurant (which is often not an easy task because we almost always road trip to tiny towns with a single pub).

Oh! I know I bought a lottery ticket because I could.

I will always answer these too thoroughly. I have so much fun doing them Howl! Thank you for this slice of fun every Friday!

[rein-ette]

Hi!

I was inspired by your asks, so I wanted to hear from you! What do you think of Canada as a country? I had a bit of a Canadian phase long ago and I tried to consume as much literature and history as I could, but reading about a place and living in it are very different experiences, so is there anything you'd like to share about Canada, about the culture or the people? Do you like living there? What are some of your favorites things? How do you survive the winters?

And also, as a character, what do you think of Matt?

(´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

Aaaaaaaaah okay okay *ahem*

If you’re not here for a Ted talk the exit is to your left, have a great day!

I do love Canada very much! I was born and pretty much grew up here, and as I’ve grown older I’ve become more and more grateful for everything that my country has provided for me! I remember my history teacher in high school said once that by being born into the middle class and as a Canadian, you’ve already won the lottery of life. That was not to disparage other countries, but to remind us of how remarkably privileged we are and how much we take for granted.

One of the first things you hear when you ask people what does it mean to Canadian is the word “multicultural.” I find this word realllyyyyyy cringeyyyy and not really reflective of reality, but I suppose it’s a good starting point for more in depth discussion. People often say Canada is a “cultural melting pot”, but the indigenous poet Marilyn Dumont pointed out in her poems that in some ways it’s more of a mosaic — there are many cultures, but they don’t always meld together. To say it’s a melting pot is ignoring the fact that racism and discrimination certainly have and do still exist here.

But I would argue that in some areas it is a “melting pot”, even if I kinda hate that word. I prefer to think of where I live as cultural delta — a place where many mighty tributaries meet as they thunder into the sea. (It is also literally a delta, funnily enough) Here, I grew up absorbing Canadian ideas, studying British history, reading American literature, learning French — but I also grew up listening to Kpop, watching Ghibli, eating rice. When I meet up with friends, we don’t grab a coffee, we grab milk tea. If you ask people here where they would like to visit or live, they will most likely say New York, London, Hong Kong, or Seoul — which tells you a bit about both how powerful and diverse the cultural influences here are.

Perhaps the thing most indicative of Canada’s “multiculturalism” and what I am most grateful for, however, is that I grew up here without fear. I didn’t even know the words “chink” or other words existed until I could access the internet. Recently, the beatings of Asian immigrants in the UK and US brought this home for me — how lucky I am to have such a privileged childhood. And I know this kind of privilege is hard won; in my research of WW2 I found that one of the amusement parks that I used to frequent as a child was built on land that once housed a Japanese internment camp. How fragile our lives are!

But enough about the serious stuff. I can’t really answer your question about how to survive winters in Canada lol, except to say that where I am in Canada it is absolutely necessary everyone own at least 3-4 umbrellas. That’s because this side of the Rockies in BC, the temperatures are pretty mild year round — the coldest it gets is usually 0, and the hottest around 25. But, by god, it rains. I did go to Ottawa in the winter though, where it was -13 one day, but honestly? Everything below 0 feels pretty much the same. Once it gets that cold, you can’t even tell anymore. I wore a skirt and tights that day, with a good, thick winter coat. And I survived :D

Besides not being heckled on the street for being Asian, my favourite things about Canada are probably the amazing diversity of good food and how tremendously beautiful the wilderness here is. And I say this as someone who loses her mind when a mosquito flies past (ie. I am not a nature person). You can kinda tell from these photos here, but the trees and water and whatnot here, are like, real. Maybe I just find that amazing because I lived in Tianjin, but it just feels like this is a city built among the trees and the sky and water that was always here, and not a city where humans have brought in nature for our amusement.

Okay, gotta move on to your other questions or I’ll go on forever. As a state I think Canada does a fairly good job of providing for its own people, but I wish we had a greater global influence. A lot of youth especially express the view that Canada is kinda...boring if your career doesn’t have to do with, like, sports, nature, or medicine, and I would tend to agree. We have great universities, but as someone who studies international relations I often wish Canada would like? Do more? On the global scale. The only thing we really have under our name is the UN peacekeeping, which PM Pearson started after the Suez Canal Crisis. I mean, I’ve heard that many people abroad identify Canada with peace and like ofc I’m not complaining about that, but I just wish our history was a little spicier, ya know? We did kick Americas ass that one time in 1812 and that was amazing. No regrets.

So that brings me to Matt. A lot of Canada’s existence has just been dominated by trying to carve a way between the US and the British while not being swallowed by either. Britain gave us the protection and strength and diversification of identity to not be annexed by the US, but at the same time it hobbled Canada’s relation with our only neighbour. One of the very first treaties Canada negotiated alone, if I’m recalling correctly, was a trade contract with the US over fishing (?) in BC and Alaska, where London was like no you can’t and Canada was like uh we gotta make money too, bro. So yes, while I do believe Mattie is just a very loyal person in general, he was also loyal to the empire because he needed to survive. A lot of Canadian identity was solidified around our prompt assistance of England and the sacrifices made in the two world wars, especially the campaigns in the Low Countries and Italy. Essentially, Canada has historically differentiated itself from the US through its loyalty.

Uuuuh just realized that has nothing to do with my opinion of Matt. Um. I like him? He’s real best friend/big brother material, and I do hc him as far more cunning and capable than canon portrays him to be. However, sometimes he’s just...too nice. He doesn’t have that edge that England has that makes me wanna slap him tf up and sob and call him my baby at the same time. Also, as oumaheroes mentioned here, that kind of selflessness can get pretty toxic. After all, by consistently not voicing or examining your own needs, you make it incredibly and unnecessarily frustrating for the people who care about you to help you, and that creates a relationship just as one sided as one where the person is extremely selfish. Actually, now that I think about it, my biggest gripe with Mattie as a character and Canada as a country is in that word: selfless. Without self. Perhaps because Canada is still so young, but it feels a little lost, a little like it doesn’t know quite know yet why it exists.

TLDR: If you’re under 18 or over 60, Canada is the place to be. If, however, you’re like me and wish you could touch a building that’s over 150 years old and maybe visit a square somebody’s been guillotined in, perhaps try someplace else. Personally Portugal’s golden visa is lookin especially tempting lately

[fairfaxleasee]

Accidental DADW Prompt

All credit/blame for this goes to @rangeredacted who decided she needed to send me all the Ever Given/Suez Canal fic on AO3 today. My brain decided to turn it into a @dadrunkwriting prompt.

Pairing: Fenris/f!Hawke

CW: satire, terrible innuendo, poor life choices

"Hawke, come quick - it's an emergency!" Isabela had started shouting before she even opened the doors to Cassia Hawke's office in the Viscount's Keep.

Fenris decided to ignore how she managed to evade all the guards, not to mention Aveline, and why the damn cat-thing wasn't trying to kill her (in its defense, it wasn't used to people just flinging open the doors to Cass' study).

"I know it's an emergency, I'm seven thousand royals short on the repairs and I'm out of things to tax!" Cass pushed the piles of papers strewn over her desk around, almost as though putting them in a different order would solve the problem that had been vexing her most of the past month. The structural damage from Anders' attack had been worse than she'd initially thought and she'd been forced to scrap a triage approach to the repairs.

"No, Hawke, this is an actual emergency!" Isabela snatched the papers Cass was flipping through out of her hand and looked around, "And I need you to solve it before Aveline sees!"

"...why?"

"I - look, she's just going to waste a lot of time doing her 'I told you so's and 'what were you even thinking's and neither of those things are going to help any! Fenris, she listens to you, you tell her to help!"

"Not until you explain what this is," he narrowed his eyes - Isabela had a habit of underestimating just how far in over her head she was.

"I - well, I think it might be better if you see-"

"Hawke, Aveline wants you down at the Harbor, and-" Donnic stopped when he saw Isabela. "Seriously? Again?"

"Donnic! Ruggedly handsome as always! Any chance Aveline's in a good mood?" Isabela batted her eyes at the man.

"Well, when she realizes whose fault this is she will be for about half a second..."

"Don't worry; Hawke's going to fix it!"

"Hawke is not going to fix it, Hawke is staying right here until she comes up with another seven thousand royals," Cass was back trying to will her ledgers to add up correctly.

Donnic motioned for Fenris to get closer to him. Fenris raised an eyebrow which only made the man motion more frantically. He rolled his eyes and obliged. Once he was close enough, Donnic whispered to him, "She's going to be a lot more than seven thousand royals short if she doesn't fix this soon - Kirkwall needs its harbor working."

"What's wrong with the harbor?" Fenris asked.

"...you wouldn't believe me if I told you. And no, Cassia's not going to like it. But she does need to fix it."

Maybe whatever this is will finally be enough to make her quit...

Fenris called over to Cass, "I don't think you're going to get any work done until you go see what this is."

Cass growled discontentedly but put her papers down.

"Now, Hawke, when you get there - just remember it was the wind, not me, alright?" Fenris doubted Isabela was helping her case any.

----------------------------------------------------------

"Isabela," Cass empathized each syllable as she glared at what had pulled her from the Keep. "Why the fucking fuck is there a Qunari dreadnaught blocking my fucking harbor!"

"Well, it's not really a Qunari dreadnaught anymore, it's my dreadnaught-"

"YOU STOLE A QUNARI DREADNAUGHT?!?" Fenris, Cass, and Aveline shouted in unison. Fenris found the fact Isabela had done something so monumentally short-sighted both unbelievable and inevitable.

"Did you learn NOTHING from what happened last time you stole from them?" Cass was glaring at the dreadnaught that was now her problem.

"I learned you're good at getting me out of trouble?" Cass snapped her glare to Isabela, "Besides, I didn't steal this, I found it. It was just floating, and no one was using it at the time, and I thought it would make a good flagship."

Fenris narrowed his eyes, "You don't just find Qunari dreadnaughts floating around."

"Well, I mean, maybe it was in a harbor at the time..."

"So you stole it!" Aveline stalked over to Isabela.

"I boarded it fair and square. Or, well, fair and square by Raider standards anyway."

Fenris decided to let Aveline handle Isabela for the time being. He approached Cass and placed a hand on her shoulder, "So... thoughts?"

"Lots. Most of them involve wanting to do things like keel-haul Isabela, but none of them help me figure out what to do about this. Oh! What about fire?"

"That depends on what you want to use it on; if it's to burn Isabela at the stake or something I'll go get the kindling, but if you want to use it on the dreadnaught, I wouldn't recommend it. They're booby-trapped with gattlock charges."

"Ugh!" Cass stalked over to where the ship was wedged against the harbor, then called over to Aveline, "Aveline! Come with me, I need someone to shout at all the dockworkers for me!"

"I'm not done with you yet!" Aveline shook her finger in Isabela's face one last time before moving to follow Cass to the crowd of dockers looking on.

Isabela stuck out her tongue at the Guard Captain's back and wandered over to Fenris. "So, going to yell at me too?"

"I wasn't planning on it; Aveline seems to have it well in hand, and she's better at it than me."

"Then why aren't you stalking off after Hawke? You're usually won't let her get more than three feet from you. You're not on the outs again, are you? If you want to reconsider my offer..." she leaned towards him. He waited until she was just about touching him to step back, causing her to stumble.

"Cass and I are fine. And no one's going to try and assassinate her until she fixes this - no one wants Kirkwall's harbor blocked. And if I wanted to catch something-"

"Hmph! You could have just said 'no,' you know!"

"Yes."

"So if you're not going to yell at me or hover over Hawke, what are you going to do?"

"Hmm, well, I was just thinking I'm a bit surprised that you don't have any experience inserting objects into holes correctly."

"Oh, ha ha, very funny!"

"Or that you've never gotten something wedged somewhere inconvenient before and had to get it unstuck for yourself."

"Hilarious, Fenris."

"Why did you even try sideways in the first place, you had to know that wouldn't work."

"I TOLD you at the Keep, it was the wind! And this isn't funny at all, you know! What if Hawke decides to do something that hurts my new boat?"

"You don't strike me as someone who's scared of ramming."

"I'm warning you, Fenris!"

"Do you wonder if this could have been avoided if you're remembered to use some lubrication?"

"OH THAT IS IT!" Isabela sprang at him. She leapt on his back and started tugging at his hair and ears.

"Get off me, wench! What are you even doing?" Fenris reached up to try and pry Isabela off him.

"I'm making you shut your mouth is what I'm doing!"

"You want to make someone else shut something? Is that what happened with the boat? You saw an opening and-"

Fenris had been so busy trying to dodge Isabela's hands he'd forgotten how close to the harbor they were. He stumbled, put his foot on nothing, and sent them both tumbling into the water.

At least he finally managed to successfully dislodge Isabela. He broke the surface and started coughing.

"FENRIS!" Cass had come over and was leaning over the edge of the harbor.

"You get back here, Fenris, I'm not done with you - shit, I mean, hello, Hawke - your boyfriend and I were just having a nice discussion and I was being very nice but not too nice to him."

Cass shot Isabela a glare then reached down to help Fenris back onto the dock. "Are you alright? What happened?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Aveline walked up behind Cass, "Isabela just went and got herself all wet again."

"You're all hilarious, you know that?" Isabela was treading water, she knew better than to get too close to Cass and Aveline when they were both mad at her.

"Well, you do make it easy for us. But you make it easy for everyone, don't you?" Aveline retorted before shifting her focus to Cass, "We've got the winches in place. Once we shift the balance we should be able to pull the blighted thing out and move it down the coast a bit."

"What? You're going to sink my boat!"

"Well, that's not the plan but I fully understand that's a possible outcome," Cass responded.

"So... I can get my boat back then?"

"Only if you can pay the impound fee."

"Impound fee?"

"Yes, that ship was blocking the harbor, it required civic resources to dislodge it and disrupted trade for an afternoon. I'm impounding it and I'm not releasing it to anyone who doesn't pay the fee."

"What's the fee?"

"Well, I'll have to go to the Keep to double-check some of the numbers, but I think it's going to be in the neighborhood of seven thousand royals."

[thessalian]

Top 5 Animals (Real or fantastical) you would have as minions for your plans of world domination. (Note: They can be anthropomorphized for the sake of convenience if that is preferred.)

Rats - if you want to cripple the infrastructure of any city, anywhere - rats. They can and will chew through fucking concrete if it gets in their way, so collapse a few key infrastructural elements and the world’s basically yours. Plus, if they can chew through concrete, stuff like flesh and bone? Noooooot a problem. (This may or may not have been brought to you by one of my players in a homebrew Dishonored RPG summoning swarms of rats to devour her enemies while they were still alive.) Also, given the advances in miniaturisation, so much blackmail material to be recorded.

Raccoons - the ultimate saboteurs. The “I don’t give a fuck’ of cats, but with the added addition of the next best thing to thumbs. Get them to infiltrate a few key locations, steal some documents, alter others if I can anthropomorphise them enough for basic intelligence, and you could seriously fuck shit up.

Pigeons - you need the skies for a coup. Aerial surveillance is important, and birds that can learn to use the public transport network can also help the rats and raccoons in fucking up the public transport network. Also, they breed so damn fast that you could sacrifice a few to jet engines and cripple just about any air travel - goods or people. I mean, I could have gone with crows, but pigeons are ubiquitous and no one would suspect them as aerial spies until it was too late.

Coral - yes, I’m going for largely real creatures with some base anthropomorphism here, for the challenge. If you want to really cripple infrastructure for a coup, you need to cripple sea trade. We saw what the Ever Given did to the Suez Canal; what if you could get your marine invertebrates to secrete enough calcium carbonate to block every port on the seas with vast coral reefs? Even just a few key ports being blocked would seriously screw with infrastructure.

Moose - once everything’s been sufficiently crippled - rats and raccoons have rendered most of your military hardware unusable, shipments of godsdamned everything are blocked by coral reefs and pigeons in jet turbines, you’re going to need some muscle. Thus, the humble moose. If you hit a moose with a car, the moose is likely to walk away. Plus with the pigeons on your side, hello obscured windshields and guano in the eye, rendering what few weapons the establishment has left useless because they can’t see to aim. Followed by the trample trample trample of the MIGHTY MOOSE CAVALRY.

[sebastianshaw]

In one of the X-Men Discord servers that I’m on, there is a section for the internal thoughts of the characters that you write. Naturally, I use this to be COMPLETELY HORRIBLE with Shaw. Here is a compiled list of things he has thought there. Read at your own risk, and trigger warning for. .  . honestly I don’t know how to begin, but if you follow this blog I figure you know I ENDORSE NONE OF THIS. under the cut for your sake

-  if you didn’t want to know about picking up a Filipino bar girl why would you ask how my day was it’s like screaming at a sushi chef for undercooking the fish -  they bring me back to life but can’t give me a new goddamn back?! -  Note to self, petition to Council to resurrect son Note to self two, remember his name and which one he is this time -  so there’s just an indeterminate number of telepathic teen girls here who look almost exactly like Emma before her nose job? I don’t even want to know at this point seriously though how many are there I can’t tell they’re goddamned identical--- -literally just going to hire this girl to scratch my back she's good at it JESUS THE RELIEF -  Aloba Dastoor is a sweet, well-mannered young man. I think I'd like to rearrange his intestines with my--- -  why does every gay man into pup play have a dead mother he didn't get to come out to what is the connection here IT'S EVERY TIME -  by damn why does no one discipline their children, you may think this is cute but everyone else is looking at you to sort your little crotch debris out or SOMEONE ELSE WILL -  that boob job is so bad she looks like a Hasbro knockoff -  you just can't be sure about a person until you know what they think of  the fall of Constantinople in 1453 by the Ottoman forces led by Mehmed II -  they're NOT bongos they are CONGAS they are the SAME SIZE -  This is less an ingrown hair at this point and more of an ingrown wig -  such a lack of decorum, I have bad days sometimes too but it hardly ever results in murder -  his arm looks like a big veiny cock never thought I'd get hard just seeing an arm -  wish you really could get oil from babies -  gold plated bare breasted - Wait so who was in the trunk - thinking about how this island doesn't have taxes is better than opioids -  It’s gonna be a closed casket funeral buddy -  it looks rather anal -  organizer my ass that fool couldn't organize a blow job if he was in a Nevada brothel with a pocket full of a hundred dollar bills -  I'd rather put up with a candiru than these people -  some people are impossible to underestimate -  cannot sit down without a beautiful woman trying for my wallet I'M FUCKING WORKING JESUS F---- -  -- wait which one is my kid fuck which one do I take maybe both maybe just say my kid wanted to bring a friend home fuck fuck fuck maybe I should just ask the daycare they have to get fathers asking that SOMETIMES should also ask if she’s free tonight --- -  fucking PLASTER in my mouth need to learn to close my fucking facehole when I barge through a wall--- - Cannot BELIEVE that woman asked me if I dropped Shinobi on the head as a child, that's making a very bold assumption that I EVER HELD HIM AT ALL -  another morning where I can’t seem to piss quite everything out, is this a resurrection issue or do I have another kidney stone - -  -not that I am complaining about the view but why don't hippies wear bras do they think it kills trees is it the rubber in the elastic since rubber comes from plants or maybe it's the metal underwire do they not like metal is that why they don't shave--- -  it's a paradox. I believe a man is responsible for his own mistakes. This means Shinobi alone is to blame for his failures. At the same time, he is -my-mistake. -  note to self, if a mother asks "but what if the baby remembers it?" the correct answer is not "then he'll know how to please a woman" -  how was I supposed to NOT laugh when it slipped out of the slave?? -  do me this, flog me that, sometimes I just want to sleep. it's been a long day. it's been a long life. - oh god I'm stuck in her like the Suez Canal -  Nope, don’t do it old boy. She’s crazy. Not typical clingy co-ed with daddy issues crazy, this is wake up with your cock in a jar crazy. I know we love that. But we love our penis more. -  I'm not handsome but jesus his teeth look like he was breastfed through a grease nipple - Even a shotgun wouldn’t shoot its load on THAT face - I’ve seen bigger breasts in the chicken meat aisle -  Looks like the kind of guy who would call his grandmother to change his flat tire -  Why does no one listen when I warn them "hold on tight, this will hit you like a tank" WHY DO YOU THINK I INSTALLED THE HAND RAILS YOU IDIOTS -  why do I even take the triple espresso shots overthinking keeps me awake enough - I'd rather shit in my hands and clap than spend ten seconds in these Council meetings -I don't see what the fuss is, there shouldn't be any fluid left on it -  It’s all fun and games until somebody loses a penis -  ok, plan is to suck a lemon first to mitigate the taste, then bypass my tongue with a boba straw -  note to self: tub of lard, rubber fist, strip of cloth. tub of lard, rubber fist, strip of cloth. tub of lard, rubber fist, strip of--Message #internal-thoughts -  how the fuck am I this drunk and STIll have a headache? besides Shinobi that is - that man’s penis is a deadly weapon -  It’s alive you can see it’s mouth open up right before it gets deep throated -  This is why I keep a dozen fresh eggs in my car at all times. -  You see anti-homeless spikes, I see free seating for hundreds -  Well, I suppose him calling me a "bootlicker" was TECHNICALLY not incorrect but--- -�� in fairness to her, if I were covered in fingers, I would be doing that too -  I am not a squeamish man but "genitalia turns into a blood hyperbeam cannon" was not a power I was prepared to very LITERALLY face - The amount on the ceiling is mind-boggling -  her gag reflex is as absent as her father -  I'd tell @Roberto Da Costa  he's a disappointment, but I'm afraid he'd call me daddy - God damn, he still ate it?? Go buy new lettuce you weird fuck - Wait, are they gay racists? Gaycists? BROKEBACK BIGOTS?! - It burns, but that's how you know it's working. - How was HE the fastest sperm? Must have been like a goddamn Special Olympics swim