#some felt jokey some felt genuinely mean

[srslybusiness]

A mistake seeing twitter response to the tumblr sexyman rematch result why are yall so upset that we vote differently lol

It's literally called TUMBLR sexyman not internet sexiest character awards 🤷🏽

[aprofessionalwithoutstandards]

Funny pinned post time bc it felt more convenient ⬇⬇

Hi I'm Mick aprofessionalwithoutstandards (or Maria, or Mickey), I'm nineteen, bisexual, bigender transmasculine she/him, Latino, weird in the head, all that good. I might talk kinda strangely or not respond at all sometimes, so bear with me, it's all on me n not you. I'm almost always not trying to start shit. I really do love talking to people so always feel free to talk :)

This is my tf2 blog and has always been only a tf2 blog, sometimes I post Portal stuff too

I make posts. I failed to start an original post tag so most original posts are just tagged #tf2

This is not a primarily NSFW blog but I do reblog porn and have genuine, non-jokey conversations about sex and kink from time to time (the latter is much more common than the former). All of that is tagged under "#mick dicks", so block that tag if you don't want to see any of that sort of content

"#open mick night" is a wreck of a tag but technically it's for anything more personal or anecdotal. Sometimes it means "not tf2" but more often it means "gameplay anecdote"

"#mick fics" is my fic tag. I think my art tag is just "#my art" but I don't draw for tf2 a lot </3 "#oc tag" is for my ocs

I tag for slurs (reclaimed or otherwise), excessive gore, body horror, drugs, and mentions of pregnancy more explicit than the baboon uterus. If you want something else to be tagged, feel free to ask me, but full transparency I will not tag for blood, light gore, or guns. They're kind of unavoidable

I like Sniper, I main Sniper, I even, as the kids say, kin Sniper. This isn't like a roleplay blog or anything, referring to me as him and him as me is just done bc it goes to my head

Not like a dedicated ship blog but I do post a lot of ship stuff. Primarily swordvan, bushmed, demomedic, and funny adminsniper, but you'll basically see everything here from time to time. I try to keep it all tagged for your convenience

The only thing I ask is that you don't send me stuff abt sniperscout/speedingbullet, it's not like a "dni" you can interact if you post that idc but it's a big personal preference and I'd like to have that respected, tysm Oh also no scoutpauling asks tysm

I don't really have a dni but I am just going to ask people to be normal. I'm just some guy and people who send me asks and stuff are also just some guys, respect me and respect other people. I know there can feel like a disconnect but I do see everything people say in my notes and I'm generally trying to cultivate a nice positive setting for everyone lmao. When I complain abt stuff don't take it too seriously lol, we're all just here to have fun

Figured I should stick this on here somewhere: I've never watched Emesis Blue, I don't know what Freak Fortress is, I have never played Team Fortress Classic and I do not care, and I have little to no interest in "fem fortress"posting (I do not consider the trans/nonbinary headcanons I have for some characters to be "fem fortress"). Nothing against any of these things, I just don't really care about them and won't be able to answer questions about them

Main is @biracy (so I reply and send asks from here), ao3 is biracy, Steam acc is Grampus Gaming

[misdre]

now that nobody cares anymore

quick. post esc song&artist opinions

albania (titan): this was originally in albanian and it was.. alright? then they chose to send an english version to malmö. you lost me there

armenia (jako): i liked the colourful background in the live performance. nice roosters. this is just all cute and bubbly and so is the vocalist. that's about it

australia (one milkali (one blood)): poor australia, i really like the song. could have leaned in a little more to the whole aboriginal thing because that's obviously what makes this stand out as absolutely unique. they had one of the most interesting vocalists of the year but the live just didn't do it, not for me and apparently not really for anyone. then again i think it's kinda nice australia has achieved a status where they can comfortably NQ because it's no longer like Hey let's vote australia just because they're on eurovision and it's haha crazy. i think the song is better than some of the earlier ones they've qualified with though. bleh

austria (we will rave): oh you silly austria. the studio version of this was my early favourite together with rim tim tagi dim but the music video scares me and uuuhh the live? yeah uumm about that. kinda surprised it even qualified tbh. well! the song's still a banger. straight from the swedish banger factory but let's not talk about that. there will never be a day when 90s eurodance stops being the shit

azerbaijan (özünlə apar): erm. kudos for the traditional singing. i've heard this exactly once from start to finish (in SF1) so idk. let's put it like this: not THE most boring ballad this year

belgium (before the party is over): i like when he sings BEFORE THE PARTY IS OVER

croatia (rim tim tagi dim): meow cat please meow back. this is the most My Kind Of song this year, the kind i'd love and listen to outside esc too, favourite from first listen. people are being annoying about him not winning but whatever, coming second is very sexy you know. and you know what else is sexy

cyprus (liar): ORIGINALLY……this went in the same basket of "some girlboss with a sexy song idk" as malta and georgia and whatever who else… but then it kind of. got stuck in my head. and i kinda ironically started liking it. and then not so ironically. it kinda slaps? i have no excuse

czechia (pedestal): the song is good with a nostalgic kind of comfy rock sound. unfortunately it wasn't very strong live so into the NQ basket you go. i fucking love aiko's look tho i'm kinda homogay for her

denmark (sand): well…. this song's not BAD… but also just not very interesting. i got nothing. except sand in my

estonia ((nendest) narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi): that title means "we don't (really) know about (these) drugs". i always have a soft spot for estonians and this year they TOO just brought all party and fun (and finnish-made folk instruments!). the live wasn't very good imo and i think juries agreed but eh IT WAS FUN! EVERYONE HAD FUN. A PERFECT CHAOTIC MATCH TO WINDOWS95MAN

finland (no rules): SEE ME SLAYY. this was such a surprise winner in UMK, i was shook for a moment back then but ever since it's felt sooo right. so right. finland bringing in just the right kind of chaos every year and i'm very proud of it. the song genuinely grew on me over this spring, originally it felt like a jokey addition to all the "proper" UMK songs… ah how the turn tables. it's hilarious too that windows95man isn't even a musician and henri just kind of half-accidentally became his singer because they needed some vocalist for the song who can hit the notes. now they're probably hitched together as besties forever. did you know the performance is a reference to finnish mythology where the world is born from an egg

france (mon amour): just two words. JE T'AAAAAAAAA A AAAAAAAA A AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIME okay actually a third word also. king

georgia (firefighter): um. see malta below

greece (zári): i like marina but got nothing on this song

iceland (scared of heights): i'm sorry hera……… you're like an aunt who's just doing some jammin' in the karaoke on a cruise from turku to stockholm. mildly embarrassing but you just can't hate her

ireland (doomsday blue): CROWN THE WITCH CROWN THE WITCH CROWN THE WITCH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGGGHGH

italy (la noia): don't have much to say other than that i like the song, angelina is great, the performance was a bit boring. would have wanted stuff with her hair like the music video. but it was alright

latvia (hollow): daddy dons with one of my favourite voices this year. his blue armour outfit was a bit weird and unintentionally comical but it's okay. i really love this song and that's why they call me The bitch who likes the ballads

lithuania (luktelk): banger, love it, immediately takes me to the club. bass on the studio version bops. silvester is beautiful, loved his chunky outfit with a comically dramatic silhouette. poor guy was traumatised by having to perform after a Certain individual in the final, would give him a massive chunky hug. life's not fair but luktelk luktelk

luxembourg (fighter): imagine coming back to eurovision after decades and this is your performance. i think the song is alright, would have preferred if it were all in french. the live is an absolute nothingburger. i don't even remember what the staging looks like

malta (loop): UM sorry. i don't even remember this GJKNDSGJBSDG

moldova (in the middle): i.. kind of like this song? like the dadadadaddaa part? but not very much. it's surprisingly catchy for being so forgettable. and non-qualifying

netherlands (europapa): woww wasn't the final such a great show and a good time! i'm so glad he came fifth! a televote favourite too! yay! :)

….in other words that "it's now or never" got a bit too real. i wish to hug joost's chunky blue suit and cry a little. hoping he'll perform soon in finland since he seems to be making a song with käärijä and all. btw nice of bambie thug to bring dustin the turkey back to life as a dutch EU bird

norway (ulveham): i'm so shocked this came dead last, i thought it'd find its audience for sure. earlier in spring people hyped this to the point of some complaining it's overrated, god that aged like an avocado. the vocalist is adorable and sings (shouts??) like a mofo, there's a witchy vibe with a metal band, the lyrics read like a fairytale, it's in norwegian (their FIRST song in norwegian in idk how many years, over 10). ROBBED

poland (the tower): a cute little song, i like it! the performance aesthetic was on point but i started jokingly associating the song with my 4kingdoms rei (it started from the tiger's eye line.) and then the joke got not-so-jokey and so umm yes. and like our finnish commentator said: how nice of luna lovegood to try being a musician

portugal (grito): portugal just doing their portugal things like every portugal year. iolanda is cute.

san marino (11:11): this is the only NQ song that was robbed IMO, not only a genuinely nice little rock bop but the staging was one of the most fun ALL this year. you got dancers in pink skeleton onesies on stage and you don't even make her qualify? die

serbia (ramonda): imma fall asleep on that rock

slovenia (veronika): pre-show i somehow thought this would be a bigger deal than it turned out to be. then it just kind of. well. i actually like the song and thought raiven looked fucking sick on stage crawling around with that murderous look, she's welcome to kill me any time in the middle of a dark forest at night (bambie thug will prob be there also. ulveham playing in the distance. luna is taking notes)

spain (zorra): what absolute fucking icons, i stan this 56yo queen getting on stage to sing about whores being awesome. the song is a certified bop and they got men in corsets serving a plateful of ass, i don't even need anything else from eurovision

sweden (unforgettable): i have a masochistic relationship with melodifestivalen where i watch it every year while knowing full well i'll be disappointed. i was, again, disappointed. but after seeing what a disaster this year turned out to be, well first of all, good on sweden for not sending a swedish artist to represent this mess and having a couple of norwegian bois on instead, secondly, by the time the final came around i no longer had any hate in my heart for this because who cares. marcus&martinus are our little denim brothers and i wish them all the best

switzerland (the code): nemo is adorable, amazing, lovely, phenomenal, a legend, 100% deserving the victory, spinning like a beyblade while singing opera what more do you want. like WHO the fuck sings like that while doing some kinda acrobatics on stage in a short skirt. nemo does that's who

UK (dizzy): another embarrassing year for UK, wasn't it. they sent an actual superstar and he just kind of sang like shit and nobody cared. i don't like the song it genuinely annoys me, the performance was weird kind of gay, i dunno. sorry olly it didn't click

ukraine (teresa & maria): being ukrainian also i'm not much of an objective opinioner on this one. definitely preferred the live version over studio, it's breathtaking. jerry heil is sooo beautiful and what a voice. queens

funny how one day you listen to some new little songs without even knowing what country's entry it is and by the middle of may they're all my beloved friends.

[leclerced]

ONTO THE OTHER STORY. this one’s a lil fucked up but I feel like girlhood is having sleepovers that start off fun then venture into trauma JDJDJDJS

I’ve only told a handful of people about this story. I had a friend group at uni. I was particularly really close w this one girl, I’ll name her Kendall. We were newly basically best friends. We did everything together and lived with dorms on the same hall.

We had one of those like flirty/jokey friendships that genuinely doesn’t mean anything. Like yk when some girls post a pic and their friends comment “fuck me” or “when are we getting married?” type thing. it was like that.

It was whatever until they quickly became v explicit and I couldn’t tell whether she was just kidding anymore, bc I knew she was into girls and her type looked like me, but I wasn’t into her and not into girls (not at that time anyway💀)

I was a virgin at this time and super bad at saying no to people. I hated rejecting people and that kind of thing. So I asked my close friend, who had first-hand seen me struggle to reject people in the past, help on how to reject her bc at this point I was CERTAIN she wasn’t joking anymore and I really wasn’t into her.

This friend, who had never met kendall, told her that I accused her of SEXUALLY HARASSING ME?????? Because I didn’t want her to keep flirting w me bjt didnt know how to say no. I found out about this and was specifically like what the FUCK, I have never said that, will never say that, have never felt that way etc. I just wanted to REJECT THE DAMN GIRL DJDJD (turns out she did actually like me and I was right but that’s not the point😭) LMFAOOOO. I can laugh at it now and you can too, bjt it was so traumatising at the time.

It became a whole thing. It spread all throughout college. I was known as the girl who LIED about sexual harassment. My entire friend group dropped me, everyone in college stopped speaking to me, I lost all of my friends for something I didn’t do. Every time I made a new friend, they’d run up to her as I left and said “don’t befriend her, she lied about SA, irs so fucked up” etc

I had to leave college for a while bc it fr fucked me up because I genuinely didn’t do anything. God forbid anything did happen whilst I was at college, nobody would have believed me because I had a reputation of lying ab that when I literally said I never said or felt like kendall did that lol

LMAOOOO. Yeah. That was wild. Deffo my Roman Empire - the first time I realised that the world is COLD. But I’ve healed and stuff so u can laugh at it djdjdjdjdj

oh my god that’s genuinely awful i’m so so sorry ): i’m glad things are better now and it’s in the past! i’ve had those friendships before and it’s weird to navigate. i honestly didnt have a lot of irl friends drama after i moved from my small town, but after that i used to be on stan twitter and i went thru sm friendships and friend groups/groupchats on there. there was so much drama and if any of u know about 5sos stan twit u may have heard of some of the drama i was in if u were there years ago ..

[atinystraykid]

This will be very sappy, I’m sorry in advance, but I want to give a little shoutout to the mutuals who made my 2022 more beautiful! I only signed up for tumblr to look at pretty K-Pop men and didn’t expect to actually talk to anyone on here but I’m so so glad I did. I met lovely people on here who are genuinely dear to my heart. As someone who has always been Really Bad at human relationships, this means a lot more than I can express in words. I honestly feel like I grew as a person because of you. 

Singling people out in a post like this always comes with the risk of forgetting someone and, as I am sick right now, it’s quite likely that’ll happen - if anyone feels left out, please know it’s not on purpose, my brain is just a mush! That being said, in no particular order here are some people I specifically want to say Thankyou to: 

@supernovasimplicity Boots, you made one jokey remark about me being a honorary member of a fandom and earned my undying love forever. That may sound like I’m creepily obsessed with you but that’s only because I am. You are genuinely one of the most fascinating people I ever met. I rarely felt as comfortable and safe with someone as I do with you. 

@cartoonishvendor We had quite the adorable, movie-like meet-cute story! Definitely one of my highlights of this year, and a good snapshot of your personality: you are creative and sweet and a little out-of-the-box, in a good way! 

@chxrry-chris You are probably the nicest aussie right after Felix and Bang Chang! 

@almostswimmingdreamer We actually didn’t meet in a fandom but over a human rights topic, and I feel like that’s quite fitting for someone as smart and kind as you. 

@fairyjinani I think you were one of my first mutuals on here! I keep repeating how your gifs are my faves but I’ll repeat it once again, they’re so good! Plus, I can always count on you to bring cute vibes to my dash 

@moonjoys Another content creator who I got lucky enough to talk to a little bit - which honestly feels like talking to a celebrity, you are just so cool and talented! 

@sstarryoong We have also only talked a little bit so far but I really enjoyed it, and you are such a talented artist!

[schizosupport]

Hi, it’s the paranoid anon who had a crush on their friend, again…

I’m here to ask advice, again, I hope it’s okay? My social circle is pretty small…

The situation with my friend, currently, is bad.

Until a few days ago, I had the habit of commenting on her posts (ironic posts or even just straight sad posts) with what I thought to me was concerned half jokes.

I thought she didn’t like them, because one day she tagged everyone who’s a mutual friend and said that she’s just trying to make a joke, that she wanted to make us all laugh, and thanked for the efforts. (Plus a few sad and inverted face emojis)

So… I told her, that I thought I made her sad, and so unfollowed her to not hurt her and comment on her posts, to which she replied she wasn’t actually sad, and said it was all a meme (a joke).

And she also told me to keep commenting on her posts. In a very aggressive manner.

That made me feel hurt. Used, for a joke. I felt offended. I really dislike it when people boss me around. And would really not talk to her about it anymore. And also not follow her anymore.

She still interacts with me as before, but… I notice I’m trying to avoid her.

And I wanted to ask… is that an okay course of action? Am I being reasonable here?

I’m not sure because I’m pretty paranoid, and I know my paranoia can get the best of me at times. But I’m also unsure because I’ve been gaslight into doubt before, too.

Hi there anon! It's always ok to send an ask, don't worry about reaching out!

Ok so of course I can only speculate on some elements of this situation based on the information in your ask, so forgive me if I'm totally off.

So I'm going to be honest and say that based on what little information I have in this ask, your level of upset with her behaviour sounds like it might be a bit disproportionate. On the other hand, it also sounds like she's not been very sensitive to things that could upset you, and there can obviously be a number of elements in this situation that I don't know of, which is causing/influencing your reaction.

From your description this sounds like a series of misunderstandings and overreactions from each side. You'd been commenting on your friend's half-jokey sad posts with half-jokey concern. This is normal and okay behaviour. Then your friend makes a post to clarify that she may joke about being sad a lot, but she's ok don't worry, but thanks for the concern! I don't think anyone who is not the least bit sad makes sad humour posts, but she may have realized that some of it may be concerning to others. Alternatively, she may have felt self-conscious about being too open about her emotional life on social media. I have no idea how the sad and inverted emojis fit into this message, but also I'm old.

At this point you interpreted this post as if she's upset/saddened by your comments, you told her as much, unfollowed her and said you will stop commenting. Now again I haven't seen the post she wrote, but based on what you've told me, this isn't an obvious read of the post, and it wouldn't be an expected or desired reaction. She's clarifying that she's ok but 'thanks for the support anyways', and suddenly this is taken to mean that she was upset by the comments, and she is unfollowed by a close friend. You're doing this bc you feel that you've overstepped a boundary and you're trying to respect her, but from the other side this likely didn't make obvious sense. And in the most basic sense, I think she was hurt by it, and she replied aggressively and in generalizing terms.

Then this again is really uncomfortable on your end. You feel like you're being ordered to interact and like you've been made a fool of for showing genuine concern for your friend. Once again, perfectly valid to feel, but I think the reality of the situation is a bit more complicated.

I think she was upset bc you stopped following her (out of the blue from her perspective) and she genuinely appreciated your commentary. Likely for the joke, and likely for the kernel of truth underneath the joking. So I don't think she was telling you to 'keep generate content with me' as much as she was saying 'wtf pls don't cut my hand off all of a sudden'. And given that you reason for unfollowing was your concern that you make her sad, she would be expected to double down on the notion that it's all a joke.

Obviously this all comes down to dynamics and conversations that I'm not privy to, and as I said, there could be factors i don't know of. All I'm saying is that based on what little info you have given me, this isn't necessarily a sign that either of you have wronged the other.

With that being said, even if it's an unreasonable course of action to avoid her etc, I think that it can still be an okay course of action. You are your own person.

I do think that it's important not to dismiss your feelings and desired boundaries out of hand. I think it's worthwhile to examine the evidence behind it, but even if you found yourself completely unreasonably uncomfortable with someone's company, you still get to respect your boundaries and take a break from that person. Taking a step back from a relationship and examining it from above can be helpful in figuring out if that relationship is healthy to you or not.

You can be hurt or uncomfortable even if the other person has a good explanation for their behaviour, even if their behaviour was objectively ok. And you are in your right to take a break or pull away from a relationship if that's what feels best.

But if you are unsure, and if you hope to get back to what once were in a relationship, then trying to have a conversation about what is going on can be helpful. And if pulling away entirely, throwing a 'I'm sorry but I'm feeling triggered and uncomfortable in the relationship right now so I'm going to retreat for now' is a worthwhile effort in my opinion.

Because from the other end, it's very upsetting to be suddenly ghosted, unfollowed or even blocked by a friend for reasons they may not even begin to understand.

I don't know if this is helpful, but that's what I'm thinking off the top of my head. I hope everything goes well, whatever you choose to do!

[jenny-dreadful]

if i can ask a personal question how do you know if you’re bi-aspec (or aspec in general)? i keep spiraling about what if im just a lesbian and thats why i havent had sex or maybe im too introverted. im in my late 20’s so i feel like if i honestly wanted to i would have by now but i almost feel like i HAVE to just be repressed instead and stuff like the lesbian masterdoc has made it way worse :/ i always hear people say like oh go with your gut but thats not good advice for a nervous person and idek if i know what attraction feels like period, is it nervousness? intrusive thoughts? aesthetics? ugh!

lots of pieces to this question! i’m gonna do my best to handle u. pardon the text wall

FIRST: How do I (“how does one”?) know I’m aspec? I can only speak for my own experience, but for me the important pieces were 1) Finding out “some people just don’t experience sexual attraction” was even an option and 2) Realizing/being told that when other people make reference to, like, wanting to fuck a hot stranger, they do actually mean it and it’s not just a crass, jokey exaggeration.

People are cute as hell! I really enjoy checking cute people out! But I’ve never once scoped a hottie and thought/felt “OOOH I’d like my business to get up in their business, physically-speaking,” you know? It’s crazy to me that anyone would. It’s crazy to me to know that most people have not only actually had, like, actual irl physiological responses just to the presence of an appealing person, but that that’s, like, a pretty normal part of life for most people. Like, HUH? Y’all cannot be actually getting blushy n wet n shit…y’all cannot have ACTUALLY needed to hide boners through your whole teens*…please say sike…

It’s not that I’m seeing hot people and going through, like, a thought process of deciding it’d be unsafe or immoral to fuck em and therefore ultimately I don’t want to, or that they’re out of my league, or that I’ve decided I’m uninterested in casual sex in a social sense (although things like that may also apply)—it’s really just. N/A. These concepts just aren’t linked for me.**

So my thought is: To answer “Why haven’t I had sex? Am I ace or am I just introverted?” try assessing: Are you actually, actively attracted to people, but not pursuing that attraction due to shyness? Or maybe: Do you assume on some level that palpable attraction/arousal is something that kicks in Later, If You’re Getting Into It With Somebody, and you’ve just personally failed to get far enough to unlock those feelings? Because that one’s not it, actually—people who aren’t ace Feel Attraction whether they’ve done anything about it or not

As far as the other points of confusion you’ve mentioned, I really can’t nail them down for you, but what I CAN say is that I personally find the questions of “Am I just repressed?” and “Maybe I’m a lesbian and scared to accept it?” to be supremely unhelpful. In this context, they both hinge completely on the idea of ‘Someone suggested I might be lying to myself because I’m not ready to accept [x], and it’s impossible to definitively refute bc the phenomenon described is one where, literally by definition, I would not know I was doing that.’ Genuinely, I think you gotta consciously set those questions aside—you can return to them whenever, if you want, when you have a better handle on your central question.

*Not ENTIRELY literal and black-and-white like this for all aces. Personally I’ve also always been v low-libido, so the “Is this attraction or am I just free-floating nonspecifically horny?” was pretty fuckin easy for me to answer. It might take a little more work for you though, I don’t know your life story

**(This is where we get a little more personal, so be cool, but: When I’m using more specific labels [“bi aspec” usually covers me just fine], I’m demisexual, which for me is like. It’s not that I’m “sexually attracted” to anybody so much as it is that beyond a certain point/type of personal closeness, romanticism etc., sex starts to seem appealingly cozy, I guess? When that applies, I’m still not getting Super Hype about it in the way allos do. I’m not feeling particularly Urged to do anything. I’m still not proactively physically responsive. Just kind of opens it up as an option wrt things that sound kinda nice). I mention this only because, I dunno, if you’re questioning, it’s important to acknowledge that asexuality has a lot of different shapes to it—for very few people is it a total absolute in every dimension.

So ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I don’t know if anything in there is helpful to you, but I hope so, and good luck ✨

[nellie-elizabeth]

Outlander: A Practical Guide for Time-Travelers (7x07)

Dun dun dunnnn!

Cons:

I will say, I thought giving William a cheery, jokey bff in the army was a little transparent. The second this dude opened his mouth I was like "ah, he's about to die so William can learn the true horrors of war." I didn't dislike everything with William in this plot thread, but it's probably the least I've cared about adult William since we met him; he's more interesting to me as he relates to the interpersonal connections of Jamie, Claire, and Lord John. Big surprise there.

I feel like they made Rob Cameron just a little too pushy and sinister? In the books I think there was just a little more time to get to know him as a purely innocuous figure, so here it's like we barely know him and now he's pushing in for dinner invitations and asking questions about Roger's papers, like... it's pretty obvious pretty quickly that something's up. I don't know how I would have solved for this, but just thought I'd mention it. The pacing also kinda made the Buck thing a little less impactful, just because we go from "what the hell are you doing here" to "I forgive him, he's Cousin Buck" so immediately. It also made me miss Roger having a huge scar on his neck and difficulty speaking clearly. That's such an important character trait for him in the books, that he never fully recovers from his near death by hanging. I get why for practical reasons they cut it out, but I think it makes his relationship with his ancestor more compelling if the evidence of his close call is still there in every word he speaks.

Pros:

So, despite thinking William's friend was a bit of an obvious ploy, I do think it was really smart to have this whole interaction happening from William's perspective. We've been told that Jamie doesn't ever want to face his son on the battlefield, but then here we see Jamie go off to fight, and yet we see none of the actual fighting from his perspective. William doesn't know his secret father is on the other side of this conflict. I thought it was a cool way to change it up, to have everything be from the British perspective in the conflict itself, just to pan to the shot of Jamie lying, evidently injured, on the battlefield right there at the end. 

Jamie and Claire didn't have a ton to do in this episode, honestly, but I love that we're continuing the voice over bits being connected to the letters home to Bree and Roger. That works so well. And the scene where Jamie realizes Claire needs glasses because her eyesight isn't what it used to be? Adorable! One of those precious scenes from the book that I'm so glad they decided to keep in.

As has been my refrain this season so far, I'm finding the 20th century plot thread really compelling! I saw some people saying they didn't like the Bree and Roger sex scene, but I thought it was pretty good and steamy. And it worked as a sort of distraction, where you have Rob and Buck both in this story as potentially complicating factors. Do either of them mean Roger and Brianna harm? In what way? And then as Buck warns Roger that Rob seems interested in Brianna, and she brushes off that concern, we get this affirming moment of love and connection for them as a couple.

And then... bam, plot twist, Rob flirting with Brianna wasn't really the issue at hand. So even with me wishing the Rob thing had been less obviously telegraphed, I did think that was a clever way to obfuscate the exact nature of the conflict he was going to provide. Unless you've read the books, you genuinely wouldn't have any alarm bells going off when Rob talks about taking Jem to see the movies with him and his nephew. Pretty clever! Also, shout out to the little girl playing Mandy, she's doing a wonderful job, I really felt her fear and distress when she woke up after her nightmare about Jem.

So yeah, in all, I'm excited about where things are going! I remember a lot about the craziness of the rest of this book/season and I think the second half of season seven might be the most excited I've been about Outlander since the early days. A lot of scenes that I remember and adore from the books are likely to be coming up soon!

8/10

[britneyshakespeare]

pushing annoying ass motherfucking men off of my lesbian sister at a party 

[floralbfs]

so i crashed my car on friday;;; sjdbsjdjsj

[the-lonelybarricade]

I totally stole this from one of those writing prompt blogs, but can you do Rhys and Feyre going to couples therapy together as a joke when they only just met?

Okay my love, I literally just finished writing this and haven't actually proofread it. It was meant to be silly and jokey but ended up being a bit more serious than I intended, but I'm a sucker for fake dating tropes so maybe I'll continue their story at some point. Anyway here's a modern Feyre and Rhys going to couples thereapy together (whilst not actually being a couple):

Feyre was absolutely determined to prove Nesta wrong. Usually her sister’s grating comments didn’t penetrate Feyre’s hardened demeanor at home, but something about their stint yesterday had thoroughly gotten under her skin. Nesta had a talent when it came to barbed words, so it was the casualness with which she’d said Feyre was boring and predictable that had kept the words ringing between Feyre’s ears. They lacked the usual bite and venom that was characteristic of Nesta, and somehow that made them impossibly worse.

Was Feyre a creature of habit? Sure. But she had always been content with her quiet, unassuming life. They’d grown up poor, with little luxury, and as a little girl Feyre had always believed all she’d need to be happy was paint supplies and enough time to get lost in a blank canvas. Feyre had that now, and she was happy. She spent almost every day in her studio, a paintbrush in one hand and a coffee mug in the other. And that was fine. She may not spend a lot of time with other people, but that was fine.

Routine is fine. Being focused on your career is fine. So why did the implication that her life is stagnant rile her up so much?

Feyre couldn’t articulate what, exactly, had bothered her so much, since she was perfectly happy with the current state of her life. Yet the next morning she’d woken up, vowing to take a day off and spend the whole day being entirely unpredictable.

She was going to pull a Jim Carrey in Yes Man. She was going to seize this damn day. And any voice in her mind that pleaded her to stick to her comfort zone was going to be diligently ignored.

When she set out to get her morning coffee, she ducked into the first cafe she came across without checking the reviews. And instead of ordering her usual chai latte, she asked the cashier to make her their favorite drink. She sat at a booth and sipped it experimentally. It was sweet and tasted of caramel; she decided she quite liked it. So far so good.

She sat wondering what brave venture she should do next, something that would be worthy of telling people about. Something so brash and crazy and unexpected Nesta would eat her stupid, truthful words.

“Mind if I take this seat?”

The voice was like smooth velvet. Feyre glanced up to meet a pair of eyes that were such a deep, peculiar shade of blue they almost looked violet. She was momentarily stunned speechless, which caused the impossibly handsome stranger to lift one of his perfectly groomed brows in question.

“Of course,” Feyre answered, her mouth feeling a bit dry. She quickly took a sip of her coffee to quell this strong reaction her body was having to this man.

She’d been expecting him to take the chair to sit elsewhere, but he slid into the chair at her table, directly across from her. Feyre spared a cursory glance around the cafe. Customers milled about, but there were plenty of empty seats strewn here and there. It was far from necessary to share a table with a stranger.

Her interest piqued, Feyre turned her attention back to this strange, alluring man.

“I’m Feyre,” she said, sounding much more confident than she felt. But today was about branching out of her comfort zone. Making the first move with an attractive man certainly qualified.

“Rhysand,” he answered with a charming grin, extending his hand into the space between them. Feyre accepted it with a mirrored smile, for a moment marvelling at the way his hand completely enveloped hers.

Feyre cleared her throat. “So tell me, Rhysand, what brings you to this table in particular?”

The way he wrinkled his nose was unfairly endearing. “Call me Rhys,” he said. “I only really use Rhysand in a business setting. And I chose this table in particular, because I saw a beautiful woman sitting here and was feeling especially forward.”

Feyre laughed in surprise. “Forward, indeed. Well, Rhys, I have spectacular news for you.”

“And what’s that, Feyre darling?” the suggestive tone to his voice sent shivers down her spine and instantly those warning bells in her mind were blaring. This man was too handsome and he was a complete stranger.

“I’ve decided to do something completely stupid and spontaneous today, and you’re officially invited to join me.”

Rhysand grinned, his eyes flickering with mischief at her proposal. She supposed that should be concerning, too, but she felt her pulse quicken. “And what stupid, spontaenous thing will we be doing, darling?”

Feyre leaned back, trying to regain composure by taking a too casual sip of her coffee. “I haven’t decided yet. I’m open to ideas.”

Across the cafe, a man stood up so quickly his chair tipped over with a loud thunk. Rhys and Feyre both whirled their heads at the commotion.

“This is why we need to go to therapy together!” the woman across from him screeched. “You can’t control your stupid temper!”

“I don’t have time for this shit,” he growled. “I’m not going to sit there for an hour so you can manipulate some dumb bitch into agreeing with you!”

“It’s not about sides,” she groaned. “I want to work through this with you!”

Feyre felt a tug of sympathy at the desperation in the woman’s voice. She could feel her pain and frustration second-hand, having been in similar shoes herself.

“Fuck this,” the man grumbled, storming for the door.

The woman followed after him. “Our appointment is in 10 minutes! Please, let’s just try it.”

The door swung shut behind them. Feyre watched the couple continue their walking argument down the city pavement, gesturing wildly with their hands.

Feyre sighed. “Man, that poor woman. It sounded like she really wanted to work things out.”

“That guy sounded like an absolute ass, maybe it’s for the best,” Rhys said. Then, his eyes lit up and he turned to Feyre with a slow, conspiring grin. “It does give me an idea, though.”

“What’s that?” Feyre felt a bit intimidated by the roguish expression on his face, even if it did make her feel breathless.

“Well, I do happen to know there’s a psychiatrist's office right above this cafe. If I had to guess, that’s where our friends were going to have their first session. And from the looks of it,” he nodded towards the couple, who were now striding in opposite directions through the city, faces flushed with anger, “they won’t be attending.”

“And your point is…?”

“Let’s go in their stead. Make a game of it. First person to break character loses.”

“And what does the winner get?”

“Well, if I win, then I get to take you to dinner.”

Feyre considered for a moment. Dinner with a handsome man certainly didn’t sound like losing to her. “If I win, then I get to use you as a model.”

“You’re a photographer?” His brows rose in interest and Feyre summoned all her will power not to blush. Since when was she bashful about her career?

“Painter.”

Rhysand grinned. “If you win, you can use my body anyway you wish, Feyre darling. Nude would be best.”

And that was how Feyre had ended up in Dr. Suriel’s office, Rhys by her side on the sofa. It was perhaps the most adventurous thing she’d ever agreed to.

“So, Mr and Mrs Mandray. Apologies, I didn’t get your names on the forms.”

“I’m Feyre, this is my husband Rhys,” Feyre answered, thinking it lucky they didn’t have to guess at the mysterious couple’s forenames.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Feyre and Rhys. What brings you to my office today?”

Rhys immediately slipped into his role of the concerned husband. He placed his arm around Feyre’s shoulders and tugged her close. Rhys opened his mouth, then shut it, glancing at Feyre hesitantly.

“My wife and I have been getting into a lot of… disagreement lately,” Rhys answered carefully, and already Feyre thought this was going much better than it would have if the actual Mr Mandray had turned up.

“My husband,” Feyre said flatly, channeling her inner Nesta to put venom into the word. “Is insisting on painting our house purple.”

“I see,” Dr. Suriel says, assessing the displeasure on Feyre’s face. “And I’m assuming you want to paint the house a different color.”

Feyre pressed her lips into a thin line. “See, that’s just the problem,” she said, crossing her arms. “That’s exactly the color I would want to paint our house.”

Dr. Suriel frowned. “So you do want the house to be painted purple, as does your husband. Am I understanding that correctly?”

“No,” Feyre sighed. “He wants to paint the house blue, but is insisting we paint it purple, because he knows it’s what I want. This bastard refuses to be anything but accommodating.”

“We’re going to try to refrain from name-calling in my office,” Dr Suriel said calmly. “So, Feyre, you are clearly unhappy that Rhys wants to paint the house purple. What color would you paint it?”

“Blue,” she answered. “I know it’s what he secretly wants to paint it.”

“She doesn’t see the hypocrisy in what she's saying!” Rhys complained. Then, he turned to Feyre, looking impossibly serious. “Darling, I know you want to paint the house purple, and I already told you I’m fine with it.”

Feyre groaned. “I don’t want to paint the house purple! I want to paint it blue.”

“You’re only saying that because you think I want to paint the house blue.”

“Do you?”

Rhys hesitated. “No.”

“Don’t lie in front of our therapist,” Feyre said with narrowed eyes. “We promised to tell the truth while we’re here.”

“Then you tell me the truth, Feyre. Do you genuinely want the house to be painted blue?”

Now it was Feyre’s turn to hesitate. She could see the corner of Rhysand’s mouth twitch as she did so. “No. I mean yes! I do!”

“It sounds like at the heart of this argument, you are both ultimately concerned in pleasing the other person, is that fair to say?”

Feyre and Rhys glanced at each other, then nodded in agreement.

“Do you think there’s a color you could both compromise on, so that you don’t feel as if your partner is the only one making a sacrifice in this decision?”

Feyre met Rhysand’s brilliant violet eyes. In truth, she’d blurted the color purple because she’d been thinking about the color of his eyes. She'd never seen eyes that color, and they were wonderfully vivid. Feyre was lost thinking of painting a world in a monocrhome of violet, like a city that lived within his gaze.

Feyre realized she’d been momentarily swept away, snapped out of it by the humor that washed behind those starry irises. She blinked back the haze and tried to think of an answer to the question.

“Mustard yellow?” she proposed.

Rhys pursed his lips in mock consideration. “Mustard yellow,” he agreed with an emphatic nod of approval.

Dr. Suriel blinked in surprise. “All right, well I’m pleased we could solve that issue. Is there anything else you’ve been arguing about?”

“Yeah, actually. My wife,” Rhys gave Feyre a pointed glance. Somehow, despite being strangers, hearing Rhys refer to her as his wife sent waves of pleasure jolting through her. She felt her stomach flip on itself. “Isn’t satisfied with our sex life.”

Feyre instantly flushed at such an accusation, however fabricated.

“Is this true, Feyre?” Dr. Suriel turned her eyes towards Feyre and she shifted uncomfortably at having to make up stories about her sex life with Rhys. Making Feyre imagine rolling in a bed with him was certainly his goal, and she’d lie to say it wasn’t affecting her. Rhysand looked absolutely delighted to have made her squirm. Fine. Two could play at his game.

“Y-yes, well,” Feyre stuttered, the burning in her cheeks condemning. “I keep telling Rhys that 16 orgasms in a session is excessive. He’s much too generous a lover and he never lets me give as good as I get.”

Feyre felt satisfied with the way Rhysand’s face went crimson.

Dr. Suriel’s brows rose. “This seems to be a common theme in your marriage. Rhysand, would you say that you’re often prioritising Feyre’s desires over your own?”

“I think Feyre sorely underestimates how much pleasure I take from satisfying her desires,” he answered, his eyes flicking to Feyre with enough of a sensual promise that her heartbeat turned staccato.

“Rhys, it sounds as though your generosity is part of the way you express your love, is that safe to say?” Rhys nodded. “And Feyre, it seems as if you have trouble accepting your husband's generosity, both in and outside the bedroom. Do you feel that’s a fair statement?”

“I-I suppose so.”

“Sometimes people have trouble accepting their loved one’s generosity when they feel like they aren’t giving something in exchange. It can be hard to accept that kind of love when we don’t feel like we deserve it. Do you feel like this could apply to your situation?”

Feyre blinked. This was meant to be a gag, something daring and experimental. She hadn’t expected to be psychoanalyzed by Dr. Suriel, or at least for her analysis to hit so close to home.

Rhysand shifted forward on the sofa. “Is this true, darling?” he asked, sounding concerned. He took Feyre’s hands in his own, brushing his thumb along her skin as he met her gaze. “I think you deserve the world.”

She would almost think he was being genuine if she hadn’t met him only an hour ago. Feyre marked the conviction on his face, those burning pools of earnesty in his eyes, and marveled at what an incredible actor he was.

Somehow she ended up blurting part of the truth. “My family life growing up was kind of tough and I’ve never really known what unconditional love was like. I think a part of me still believes it's something I have to earn.”

“That sounds like it must have been very hard, Feyre. But it sounds like Rhys loves you very much, and that this is an issue the two of you can overcome together. When you feel the instinct to reject his generosity, try to remember where that message is coming from. And Rhysand, try to keep in mind that this is something your wife is still working through, and be patient if she feels more comfortable giving you something in exchange. This is her way of expressing love, too. At the core of your issues is both of you thinking about the other person, try to remember this when a breakdown in communication occurs.”

Somehow they’d lost control of their therapy session and were receiving actual therapy, which wasn’t part of the plan at all. But somehow, despite not actually being married to Rhysand, what Dr. Suriel said was reassuring.

Feyre turned to Rhys and smiled. “I think I understand better, now. You’re free to give me as many orgasms as you want, honey.”

Rhys grinned fiendishly. “And I’ll let you reciprocate in whatever way you feel comfortable, darling.”

Dr. Suriel clasped her hands together in approval. “Excellent. I think so long as the two of you take measures to accurately communicate your needs, you’ll find these breakdowns will occur less frequently. And that’s it for our time today, but I am happy to have the two of you back any time.”

Feyre walked out of the session hand-in-hand with Rhys, feeling a bit dazed. It had certainly gotten more serious than she’d expected, but perhaps her judgement had been misplaced in thinking therapy could be anything other than serious, no matter how joking the complaints.

“Well, that was certainly stimulating,” Rhys quipped once they’d left the office.

“And it seems we’re at a draw, considering neither of us broke character.”

“You do play my wife convincingly well,” Rhys practically purred, “perhaps I’ll let you take up the real role, if you feel so inclined.”

Feyre laughed. “I’m expecting a few other offers to come through. Give me a few days to look over the applicants, then I’ll get back to you.”

“Okay, well how’s this. I’ll give you my number, you can wait until all those applicants come back to you, and once you’ve decided that I’m clearly the obvious choice, you can call me.”

Feyre smiled as she pulled out her phone and handed it to him to insert his number. “You do make a very convincing husband. Perhaps I can hire you for weddings and Thanksgiving dinners?”

“Real husband, fake husband, a partner to do spontaneous, outrageous things with. You call me, and I’ll be whatever you want me to be, Feyre.”

It was perhaps the strangest and most generous offer she’d ever been given. When they parted ways, Feyre thought that she’d certainly filled her quota for an interesting story to tell. And maybe, most likely, she’d be calling that number very soon.

[arvinsescape]

Stupid waiters

A/N: Hope you enjoy.

Summary: Tom had a special evening planned and the waiter tries to ruin his mood.

Warnings: Bit of swearing.

W/C: 2.1K

Tom was incredibly annoyed as he watched the waiter flirt with you. He’d just come back from filming and he had a special evening planned with you but this guy was ruining that plan and his mood. You hadn’t noticed or if you had you hadn’t said anything. He watched as the waiter placed your drink in front of you and flirt very obviously (in Tom’s opinion) with you and he didn’t even spare Tom a glance. He huffed as the waiter walked away.

“You okay?” You asked him as he clenched his fist under the table.

“That guy is pissing me off.” He mumbled.

“Why?” You asked with furrowed brows and he scoffed lightly.

“Y/N, he is all over you.” Tom pointed out.

“Is he?” You asked looking genuinely curious, you hadn’t noticed.

“It’s so obvious!” Tom almost raised his voice.

“Tom, calm down.” You laughed lightly. “I’m here with you and I think that’s pretty obvious. I’m not interested.” You said as you reached your hand across the table that he gladly took as you laced your fingers together. He felt his annoyance wash away, you were right and this was a special night. You were here with him and he knows you love him, there’s not a second that’s gone by where he doubts that.

“Okay, I’m sorry.” He muttered and you squeezed his hand lightly.

“It’s fine. A little jealousy is healthy, I’ve been guilty a couple of times.” You laughed.

The main course arrived and although the waiter was continuing to flirt a little Tom found himself only slightly irritated now. That was until the waiter cleared the mains and offered a desert menu.

“Can I interest the lady in a desert, I’m sure I can recommend one as sweet as you.” Tom’s blood was boiling now and he watched as you cringed at the god awful pick up line.

“I don’t know, baby do you want one?” You asked Tom as you put emphasis on the nickname. That’s right dickhead, she’s not interested, she’s mine Tom thought and instantly cringed at his internal thought. You weren’t some toy he could lay claim but he was pissed with this guy.

“Yeah, we’ll have a look.” Tom answered as he watched the waiter visibly deflate as you made it clear you were here with him. He couldn’t help his smirk as he waiter wandered off for a menu.

“Okay, fair play. He’s pretty obvious.” You laughed.

“I don’t get it, you’re clearly here with me. Why is he carrying on?” Tom groaned as you shrugged your shoulders.

“I must just be irresistible.” You teased as you brought your glass to your lips.

“You are.” Tom said in such a matter of fact manner that you snorted.

“Lighten up. It’s not like it’s gonna work.” You playfully rolled your eyes.

“That’s not the point.” Tom said as the waiter returned with the menu. He eyed your almost empty glass.

“Another drink for the lovely lady?” He asked and you politely accepted and Tom nearly swung for the guy. He’d stepped up his flirting now from when you’d first arrived. Tom clenched his jaw at the interaction and he felt you smooth your thumb over his hand that was still on the table.

“It’s Y/N by the way, if you are going to insist on calling me anything it should be by what most people that aren’t my boyfriend do.” You said in a polite but stern way. He knew you weren’t one for conflict but he appreciated that you were reminding this dickwad that you weren’t interested.

“Y/N? That’s a beautiful name.” The waiter said with a wink and Tom nearly blew his stack, face going red with anger as he clenched his jaw so hard he worried he might crack his teeth.

“Erm, thanks.” You said awkwardly. The waiter smirked and Tom swears he saw his eyes drift towards him for a second before he left.

“Tom, calm down it’s okay. Don’t let it ruin your mood.” You tried to calm him down. “I love you okay and I’m here with you. I love you.” You smiled at him and he returned a tight lipped smile as he tried to regain control of his anger. He was calming himself until the waiter returned and just seeing him made Tom’s blood boil.

“Any desert?” He asked as you gave him your order, Tom hadn’t even looked at the menu.

“We’ll take the sticky toffee pudding and two spoons.” You answered for the both of you as you watched Tom shift in his seat. The waiter glanced at Tom for a second, smirking before he spoke.

“That desert is a lovely choice. Very sweet.” He said and he put so much emphasis on the words that Tom knew now he was trying to wind him up. Your hand found his as you squeezed again in a failed attempt at calming him down.

“Are you serious?” Tom said through gritted teeth as the waiter looked at him in fake innocence and Tom could have ripped his head off there and then for ruining his mood and plan.

“Apologies I didn’t mean to offend.” He said before walking away and Tom ran his hands through his hair messing it up slightly.

“I swear if he carries on I’m gonna hit him.” Tom grumbled and you gave him a sympathetic smile.

“I’m sorry Tom. We’ll go after this.” You said and he huffed.

“No, I’m sorry. I’m letting it get the better of me. I don’t mean to.” He said, had it been any other night he’d probably have contained his anger and annoyance better.

“No Tom, he’s being inappropriate. I’d be upset if I were you.” You smiled at him. You wanted to make him feel better as you watched the waiter return with your desert and although it was slightly inappropriate in such a lovely restaurant you found yourself standing up and Tom watched you with furrowed brows. You smiled at him as you made your way round to him and sat on his knee as you turned his face to look at you and connected your lips in a sweet kiss. One of his hands instantly finding your waist and the other holding your cheek.

Tom could swear he heard the waiter scoff as he walked away and you disconnected your lips as you smiled at him.

“I love you.” You whispered against his lips and he grinned.

“I love you darling, thank you.” He watched as you made your way back to your seat and he found his anger washing away a little at the gesture you’d made. He really did love you.

You ate your desert and it was actually very sweet as the waiter had said and you both enjoyed it. When he cleared the plate, looking much more deflated than previously you asked for the bill. When he brought it back, Tom got his card out to pay and the waiter made the grave mistake of bringing up one of Tom’s insecurities.

“At least he pays, I suppose it makes up for all those nights he leaves you alone.” The waiter said to you in a jokey manner and you visibly gulped. Of course this man knew who Tom was, he’d booked it under his name and who didn’t know who spiderman was? You watched as Tom snapped his head towards the waiter and his face was red with anger.

“Pardon?” Tom spat.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you but I assume when you film all these movies you leave her alone. I’m just reminding her that not all men would do that, you know, some men would be there all the time.” He fired back as he crossed his arms over his chest. Was this guy trying to lose his job?

It didn’t matter what you said, Tom always worried that he was neglecting you when he had to leave. Of course, you didn’t see it this way and told him so all the time, he didn’t have to be with you physically to be there for you and he proved that all the time. This guy had no idea what he was talking about. You felt your jaw drop at his rudeness and complete brazenness. He would not be coming back here to work ever again. You made you way over to Tom as you grabbed his tense bicep in your hands.

“Tom, leave it. It doesn’t matter what he thinks, he doesn’t know what you do for me or a single thing about our relationship. He’s not worth it.” You said as you tried to get him to calm down, that wasn’t happening.

“I have watched you throw yourself at my girlfriend in an embarrassing manner tonight. She made it clear she wasn’t interested and you persisted, which by the way, is wrong whether she is in a relationship or not. I will be reporting you to the manager of this place for your rudeness. Thank you for ruining my fucking evening!” Tom shouted at him as he made his way towards the exit.

You were dumbfounded for a second as you heard him shout. Sure, Tom had put people in their places before but this must have really bothered him, it took a lot to make him shout. You scrambled after him and had to almost run to catch up.

“Tom. Tom!” You shouted as you tried to get him to slow down. When he turned around you could see his bloodshot eyes and as you reached him you saw the tears brimming them. You placed your hands on his face and made him look you in the eyes. “Tom, forget what he said. You are there for me all the time. I know you go away to film but that’s okay, I’m happy for you to pursue your career, you deserve it, you’re so talented. Tom, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that you don’t have to be there physically to be there for me. I love you and I don’t want anyone else.” You said and he sighed, looking down.

“It’s not just that. He ruined everything. I had this whole evening planned and I was gonna ask you to marry me and then he reminded me that you deserve better.” Tom rambled through his tears and you felt the breath get knocked out of you. He was what?

“You were- Tom what- you were gonna what?” You stammered out as you felt your heart rate increase. Tom must have realised what he’d said and he snapped his eyes to yours.

“Shit. I wasn’t meant to say that. I’m sorry.” He stuttered out before he took a deep breath. “Look I was gonna ask you to marry me tonight and he just-“

“Yes.” You interrupted him and he looked at you for a second, eyes wide.

“What?”

“Yes, I’ll marry you.” You said as tears made there way down your face, all happy, and he grinned.

“Really?” He asked as he fished around in his jacket pocket.

“Tom, I love you, you get me on a level no one, not even my family, ever has before. Of course I’ll marry you. No stupid waiter who doesn’t know what he’s talking about is gonna change that.” You laughed as he grinned and took the small box from a pocket in his jacket.

“At least let me do it properly.” He said as he got down on one knee, taking your hand in his. “Y/N. I know I’m not always here physically but I will always be there for you, wherever I am in the world. You make me a better person and I couldn’t be more thankful for you. You always push me to do better and you are my rock and I hope I can always be that for you. I promise I will always try and reciprocate the insane amount of love you give. I love you. So, Y/N L/N, will you marry me?” He asked and tears of happiness where finding their way down both of your cheeks.

“Yes, I love you so much.” You cried as you lunged yourself at him, almost catching him off guard as he only just caught you in a hug. You loved Tom and he was everything you wanted, needed and more.  

[lightsaberupmybutt]

A friendly massage - Luke Skywalker x Reader

Part two is here!

Summary: The reader is Lukes Padawan and gets into an unfortunate (yet humorous) mishap during training that leads them into receiving a necessary massage from a certain blonde jedi. Someone gets a little too excited by the contact, ending in a awkward Luke ™

Warnings: PG15, no smut but mention of smut, awkward boner woops

Look, this wasn't suitable to be written on my twilight imagines page OR my peaky blinders page (for obvious reasons i guess) so I'm making this and leaving it here and if you read it, on your head be it.

For the most part, the life as a Padawan to the most renowned jedi was a thrilling experience. The training course of Luke Skywalker was one destined to end in success. However, standing between you and this end goal was an intensive regime of training and body conditioning that, quite honestly, made you want to pack it all in and move as far away from the blonde warrior as the physical universe you so happened to live in would allow. Some days you felt like your bond with your master was so strong that you would trust him with your life and risk yours to save his; other times you wished you could use all the force you could muster to choke the dear life out of the cocky little brat. Today was sadly an example of latter. 

“And you promise i wont fall” this was your 4th time of asking, and you still weren't completely sure that what you were being told was truthful,

“Of course you wont fall, stop being silly” Luke had a bashful smile as he reaffirmed the idea you didn't believe he actually had any faith in. 

Balance training was apparently key to being a good fighter, although the idea of you leaning how to do a cartwheel felt less how to be a warrior jedi and more how to entertain Luke in his fourth hour of training you of the day.

“i can literally sense that you are lying " 

“No you can’t" he was right, you couldn’t - but equally you could deduce from your failed previous attempts that the odds were not in your favour. 

“What if i just did a handstand against the wall? “ You had mastered the art of handstands due to a previous episode of Luke’s manic boredom.

Luke sent a tut your way, his lips slipping into a goofy sideways smirk.

“i think, young Padawan, you are significantly underestimating the importance of agility in a one on one combat situation” he walked around you in circles, in mock thoughtfulness. 

“I suppose you aren’t quite serious enough about your future as a Jedi” he continued, making you groan in annoyance.

“And whats the next key lesson? how to do the splits? a twirl?” you snapped; Luke was fun to be around and you'd be lying if you said a part of you didn't look forward to these times you were given alone together, but that didn't mean he couldn't piss you off. 

“a Twirl is actually lesson ten, you're nowhere near ready for the twirl Y/N” he quipped back, letting out a little giggle at his own joke. 

You had been around Luke for over a year now, long enough to grow more affection to him than an apprentice should to their master, however this laugh that would normally make your heart and lower stomach flutter was having the opposite effect on you today. 

Training sessions had recently started to take a less serious turn with Luke, which you thought to be a good thing at first. Luke could make you laugh very easily, and sometimes his jokes and elaborate tasks he would set for you were the only sense of joy you got in your day. You truly appreciated Luke for his carefree and wholesome jokey outlook in a place full of seriousness and rule. 

However, the proposition of an low level gymnastics competition while you are already drenched in sweat and bruises from your previous hours of fight training made your affectionate disposition toward the Jedi leak out of your ears. 

“Fine and then will you fuck off so i can get the smell of your sweat out my nose?” 

Luke stepped back, holding his hands in mock defence and clearing an area for you to preform. 

Shaking off a little, you got into the position of a dramatic cartwheel and then attempted to flip your hands to the ground and kick your feet over. 

Of course, you ended up on the floor with a bang and a yelp. 

“y/n! are you okay” Luke was at your side as if he'd just seen you take a bullet, eyes full of worry.

“i fucking hate this place” You managed to whimper out, stroking the back of your neck where you connected with the floor.

As soon as Luke realised you were indeed not suffering from any life alternating injuries he let out a belly laugh, clutching his gut and rolling back on the floor. 

“I dont know what the fuck is so funny, i nearly broke my neck” 

“You should have seen yourself !”

By the time Luke managed to gather himself together enough to stop laughing and take a proper breath, you were still staring at him in disbelief and sheer anger.  At one time, falling over or tripping in front of your master would send you into a cloud of humiliation, but now you knew Luke well enough to know he put you into this kind of situation for his pure amusement alone. This enraged you. 

“Fine, well now that you've had your fun ill take my leave, Master” You would only pull out his true label of authority over you when you wanted to taunt the Jedi, who always seemed to blush and fumble over his words after the use of the title. Like always, Luke was left stunned with an unreadable look on his face as you pushed yourself up and waltzed out of the combat room.

A few hours had passed and after a meal and a shower you had fallen into a nap on your bed. When waking from said slumber, you noticed the pain in your neck had returned and was now accompanied with shooting pains down your whole spine. With a grimace, you chucked on your cloak and slippers and made your way to the medical room, Only getting to your own door before bumping into the one and only Jedi Master. 

“You” You shot at him, pointing an accusatory finger in his direction,

“Me?” he asked back, looking genuinely shocked and maybe even a little scared. 

“Your fucking antics have got me in a disabled position” you told him, crossing your arms in a defensive position. He snatched the back of his head, attempting to look sincere, but you could see the gleam in his eye as he tried not to laugh. “Hey I'm sorry okay” when you neither break eye contact or accept his apology, he continues

,“Is there anything i can do? can i get you a heat pad or something”

You're not sure where the idea came from, maybe the need for your pain to dull or the hue left from the repetitive sexual fantasy dreams Luke had appeared in of yours lately, but before you could stop yourself the proposition was already out your mouth. 

“I think i deserve a massage”However shocked you were by your boldness, Luke’s face conveyed that he felt that ten times over. The boy openly gaped at you. 

“I .. i …erm i … y y yer sure i erm” He splutter off into nothing, his eyes darting around to avoid making contact with yours, 

“I guess .. i guess i can” he trailed off again.

Without a word you backed up into your room, Luke following and closing the door behind him. You plopped onto your bed, trying to not let your body protray just how excited and nervous you were at the idea of him touching you. Of course you’d had contact with Luke in training and even shared the odd hug here and there, but this was a different matter all together, a level of intimacy you hadn’t crossed into until now.

Luke was still standing at the door, looking the most lost you’d ever seen him. You looked over at him from your place on the bed,

“Okay so I guess this is happening” you heard him mutter, as he finally found his feet and stumbled over to your bed. You let out a giggle, finding your voice again,

“I don’t think even you can reach from other there, Skywalker” you teased him, as he gave you a cautious smile in response. He climbed up onto your bed with you, taking another few seconds to compose himself before slinging a leg over your back and straddling your lower body. You put your face back into the bed, the nervousness slowly seeping away and being replaced with humour with a side of sexual tension. Luke looked around the room, trying to find something to make eye contact with that wasn’t your bum that was now pressed to his lower half. You felt him shift again, as if he was trying to get comfortable from an angle that didn’t mean his lower region was touching your rear.

“You know you don’t have to do this right “ your words were muffled ever so slightly from the pillow you were resting your face on, but from this close proximity you knew he would hear, he quickly replied “no it’s fine, I want to” his voice cracked a little on the second half, and you could hear the strain in his words, making you smirk. Yer so maybe you hadn’t planned this, but it wasn’t exactly not fun to have him all flustered on your bed with you.

He surprised you with his next move, his automatic reaction of pulling your cloak down softly from your shoulders, his machincal arm a cooler temperature than you expected, causing you to shiver.

“I erm, is this okay” he said, feeling your body move under his,

“Yer it’s fine Luke , thanks” you replied, maybe a little too fast, as he continued to lower you cloak. When you felt him let out a soft moan, you were reminded that you indeed had not much Underneath, only dressing yourself in your garments after your shower. This forgotten piece of information made your heart drum again in your chest, the anticipation of skin on skin causing warmth between your upper thighs.

He started to move his good hand against your skin, a little too cautiously for your liking. His touch was feather like, but it still sent shocks through your spine, not exactly the healing kind but shocks all the same.

“You can go a little harder than that if you want” you didn’t realise the connotations of your words until you heard Luke let out a breathy exhale, you felt him readjust his legs again in a futile attempt to try and distance his lower half from you for a second time. His hands returned to your back, but with more pressure this time, kneeding your skin and searching for tension between your muscles. You let out a soft moan of appreciation as he found a spot that had previously been in pain, and he moved his legs again, shifting himself. You decided to ignore it though, not wanting to risk him stopping. He continued to rub circles into your back, gradually building higher and higher. The annoyance of his incessant wriggling was almost at a point you felt you needed to address it, but before the words came out your mouth he moved higher towards your neck, being forced to push his body flush against yours again, and you felt a hard buldge dig into your back. Your head whipped round in reaction and you were met with a look of shock equal to your own as you both made eye contact and then drifted your gaze down to the offending area of The Jedis anatomy. When your eyes met Luke’s face once more he was looking away, but you could see even in the dimly lit room the pink blush that peppered his cheeks and the embarrassment on his face. When he looked back he caught you staring again at his not-quite-concealed erection, making him release a sign that came out as more of a whimper

“I’m sorry” he stuttered, guilt heavy in his soft voice, but you didn’t even hear him, completely taken aback and equally aroused by the sight of him. Even with his trousers and cloak on, neither did much to hide the sizeable package. Luke came out of the daze before you did, removing his body from yours and not very gracefully dismounting the bed, getting his foot caught in one of your legs as he did so causing him to stumble back.

“Y/N I erm... shit I’m sorry I ..” it honestly didn’t matter that he was struggling with his words because right now you didn’t have the brain capacity to listen, too busy trying to remove your eyes from his private area.

“Stop looking at him” Luke whinged, sounding like a little boy who was in a strop because he had just been found coping his homework. You finally managed to move your eyes back to his face, which was covered in a thin layer of sweat and the deepest blush you’d ever seen on the Jedi. You couldn’t help it, the tension that had been building all evening plus the expression he held caused you to burst into a fit of uncontrollable giggles. Luke grumbled, feeling the most humiliated he ever had and covered his area with his hands, shifting awkwardly towards your door and letting himself out. Before the door fully closed you managed to compose yourself enough to get out between giggles,

“See you tomorrow morning for training yer?”

His groan of irritation and tension was audible enough to reach you through the closed door, causing your laughing fit to resume.

[broadwayandnetflix]

Slow Down - Bill Hader x Reader

Warnings: Language

Theme: Fluff + 1/4 of Angst

Summary:  Hi I’ve literally been binging all of your fics and I didn’t know if you were still taking requests, but I was wondering if I could request an imagine with Bill Hader where the reader is sick and passes out at SNL and Bill helps them and takes them home

Word Count: 4.1k

A/N: Ahh thank you so much for your patience @bduchrnskei​ I really hope you enjoy this fic and it met your prompt expectations. I absolutely loved writing this one amongst all of my evil schoolwork, but what can you do? 

Living in a small-sized New York City apartment was not all that it’s cracked up to be. Whether it’s the heavy traffic and clutter of construction that never halts or the extreme temperatures during any season.

In this case, in particular, winter.

Or, more specifically, in this case, your heater broke, and it had become like an iceberg within your apartment space. As stated by your landlord, the repairmen were supposed to come on Saturday night, and as of right now, it was Thursday.

So bundling up had to do, in a way, you kind of missed the heater’s incessant rattling, as it had become a sort of a white noise these last few months.

You hadn’t been in New York City for very long, a little under a year, maybe? It wasn’t like you to pack up and move randomly to the Big Apple, but after clearing a spot as a new cast member with Saturday Night Live. It was most certainly a must.

Ever since you were little, you’d always had a knack for making others laugh or just getting to see someone smile. Saturday Night Live became your goal, and to secure it was like winning a million dollars. Even if it meant having to endure New York’s extreme seasonal changes.

This week was no different in the typical workflow; you were technically a new cast member. So the number of sketches you had been in was significantly limited. Still, you loved it nonetheless, with the lack of skits that you had been in lately allowed you to get to know your cast members more.

Specifically, your other recurring cast members like Nasim Pedrad and Jenny Slate, the three of you would often meet up for coffee on Sundays. Taking the time to decompress and discuss your favorite sketches of the week. It was nice to have a group of people you could relate to and find solace in, especially when the weeks became stressful or exhausting.

And oh boy, did your week’s become exhausting, especially on Saturdays. You shuddered at the thought of dress rehearsal as it stretched late into the night; losing sleep was worth the excitement.

You looked at the clock, it was nearing close to four in the morning, and you still had been awake at this point. Maybe it was the cold or the thousands of thoughts swirling through your mind, much like the snow accumulating outside.

Work was gonna be a bitch tomorrow.

You sneezed at the thought, sighed, and made sure to set your alarm before letting sleep take over.

-

You awoke with a headache and a blaring alarm that was erupting from your phone. Groaning, you shut the phone off and tried to ignore the incessant pain protruding from your forehead.

Swallowing some painkillers, you got dressed, grabbed your keys, and headed to work. Totally not picking up a coffee and a breakfast sandwich on the way.

“Why good morning Y/N!” Jenny chirped as you walked into the room, still rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

“You sound oddly chipper, what happened?” you said as you put down your stuff, eyeing her curiously.

“She got some sleep, that’s what happened.” Nasim replied, nursing a cup of coffee in her hands, giving you a sleepy smile.

“Lucky duck,” you murmured, instinctively reaching for your coffee as well. It coated your throat nicely, you sighed in content.

Jenny only smirked before starting up another conversation with Nasim; you let your eyes wander across the room. Everyone in motion, working hard to make sure shit got done. That’s the thing about working at 30 Rock; no one ever really stopped moving.

One thing that you still had not gotten used to was Monday’s. The grueling and exhausting twenty-four hour stretch period of planning and concocting up sketches. It was a scary feeling, as if you could ever compare to everyone else.

Every now and then, a pitch you threw into the ball pit would get picked, the tiny butterflies in your stomach reminding you why you did what you did.

Your eyes landed on a particular figure as he strolled into the room. His hair beautifully tousled, eyes half-open, and shirt resting ever so comfortably upon his chest. You diverted your eyes quickly, only to feel yourself begin to sneeze.

Fuck, for the love of all that’s holy, please do not sneeze in front of Hader.... too late.

He looked up, meeting your widened eyes, and gave you a soft smile. It lingered for a bit until Andy swept up from behind and hugged him along by the arm. For a second, you could’ve sworn he was gonna look back, but Andy had appeared to say something.

“Bless you!” Nasim and Jenny said in unison.

You mouthed thanks and leaned back against the wall, replaying the scene over and over again.

“Thinking about Hader again?” Jenny asked, following your line of sight, as she nudged you in the side playfully.

“Jenny! Not too loud, he might hear you.” you frantically whispered, a stern look aglow in your eyes.

“Oh honey, it’s so obvious.” Nasim chimed in, Jenny nodding eagerly in response.

“Plus he’s too far away, you’re more than safe Y/N, I think it’s cute that you like him. All the more reason to make fun of you.” Jenny says quickly before she is shoved by Nasim.

“I’m joking! I’m joking! Okay maybe not fully joking.” Jenny yelps, giving you a wicked grin.

You groaned, rubbing your hands over your eyes in embarrassment. It was so bad, crushing on cast members, but man, was he handsome. Although you had denied it, a lot of your favorite sketches from the past weeks always seemed to involve Hader.

It was not like it was gonna go anywhere; you two barely spoke, and plus you’d probably be a mess if you did. Every now and then, though, you’d often find Hader sitting beside you at table reads. His laugh is always so goddamn infectious, and Jenny and Nasim eyeing you playfully like schoolgirls.

God, you were a mess, and it seemed like everyone knew it. Maybe even Hader knew; let’s hope he doesn’t.

“You know Y/N, I’ve never seen Hader as shy as he is when he’s around you. I mean the man literally sniffed my hair yesterday,” you quirk a brow, “But- but with you, he’s soft” Nasim’s voice crowds your thoughts, and you instantly look up to meet her in disbelief.

“Bullshit.” you retort, trying to ignore whatever attempt she was trying to make.

“Girl, you’ve kind of got a point. He’s not as jokey as he usually is whenever he’s around you Y/N.” Jenny adds, only to be interrupted by Lorne calling for a meeting.

Ah, how could you forget? Dress Rehearsal. While these days didn’t run as long as the others, they were equally draining and stressful. The three of you walked to Lorne’s office just in time as the rest of the cast stood beside you.

You felt yourself to begin to shiver unexpectedly, hugging yourself tightly. Since when was 30 Rock so cold? You felt Nasim look at you questioningly, and you shrugged her off.

Lorne had discussed the skits’ arrangements for the day, murmurs of excitement beginning to spread like wildfire around the room. Everyone just itches to get out and see if their sketch would succeed or bomb.

You took your seat in the audience as the sketches would come and go, meeting your cues whenever necessary. At the same time, your painkillers had seemed to wear off as your headache only seemed to get worse.

You made your way backstage to find the building’s first aid kit, only to brush past another coworker. That just so happened to be Bill Hader.

You opened your mouth, but nothing came out, slowly clamping it shut; his eyes met yours in slight confusion before softening slightly.

“Woah, hey Y/N, everything okay? You were in kind of a hurry there.” he asks; you could barely meet his eyes as they searched yours for any sort of response.

“Oh,” you gulped, “Yeah I just have this crazy headache, um I was just looking for the first aid kit.” you say, shifting the balance on your one foot to the other. 

His eyes widened before nodding quickly as if he was just reminded of something. The butterflies in your stomach crescendo as he quickly rested his palm upon your shoulder. You didn’t even know how to act, your body practically freezing at the contact.

“Actually to save you the trouble I have some painkillers upstairs in my dressing room. Not that I have like tons of drugs, but it’s no problem with me if that’ll help your headache.”

You quickly nod in response, trying to hide back a small smile before following him up several flights of stairs. God, you hated being so shy around Bill; it wasn’t like he was some mean old jerk; he was oh so genuine and thoughtful.

The two of you halt at a labeled Hader door; he looks back at you almost to check if you’re still there. Opening the door, he led you in, giving you a quick smirk, before crouching down and digging through the contents of his bag.

You had realized that this was the first time that you had ever been in a specific cast member’s dressing room. In particular, Hader’s room was neat and tidy, but you could see bits and pieces of his character sticking out. You couldn’t help but smile at it all, so caught up in the intricate details you didn’t even notice him get back up.

“Y/N, you good?” he asks; you focus your attention back on him quickly.

His hands outstretched, one holding a bottle of Advil and the other clamped tightly around a water bottle.

“Oh, um yeah. Thank you so much you have no idea how much I appreciate you for doing this.” you say rather quickly, but Hader doesn’t seem phased by your awkward nature.

You reach for the bottle and water, fingers gently brushing against his. The two of you looking down at the contact before parting ways.

Hader clears his throat, and you feel your stomach begin to tighten. Slipping two pills into your mouth, you unscrew the cap and down it carefully.

“You nervous about tomorrow?” he asks while placing the pill bottle back within his bag.

“A little I guess, I mean I tend to get nerves closer to the show. I’m sure at this point though, you’ve become an expert at staying calm.” you reply, his gaze falling towards the floor.

“Oh my god, I’m a wreck Y/N. This show is so stressful it eats at me every week, no matter what. I mean, clearly I’m doing something right and Lorne’s not gonna fire me, but, my anxiety gets so bad.” he says quickly. His eyes widened, and his posture became slightly tenser than before.

You couldn’t help but soften your gaze; you had no idea that he even went through this every week. Even now, with the buzzing tension in the air for tomorrow night, you couldn’t imagine what he was going through. Let alone the fact that he made the time to help you out.

“I wouldn’t have ever noticed,” he looks back up at you. “I mean, you’ve always just looked so...confident. I just can’t even begin to imagine what’s that like, every week constantly. I’m so sorry you have to go through that.” you quietly admit.

He shakes his head quickly, putting out a hand almost as if he was trying to stop you.

“No, no, it’s fine. Thank you though, it’s awfully sweet to hear that. Especially from someone like you.” Hader’s eyes filled with such warmth.

Was Hader blushing? Or were you losing it? Probably losing it.

“Oh about that headache, everything okay up in there?” he murmurs, stepping just a tad bit closer to you.

“It’s probably nothing, but I do appreciate the help.” you look back at the door, “We should probably get back? Right? Don’t wanna miss our dress.” you say quickly.

Hader nods within an instant, eyes widening at the realization of how long you two had been gone for. He led you to the door, giving you a quick smile before he ran out, murmuring something about a skit that had something to do with the guest host.

You giggle softly, heaving a contented sigh. It definitely was gonna be a long day, and you could’ve sworn that the temperature had just dropped.

Strange.

-

You couldn’t have stumbled into it until at least one in the morning, but sleep had been desperately calling your name. Oh, how you missed having a regular sleep schedule; it would make mornings less of a struggle.

Except this morning was different, or more so than you were used to. The headache that had arrived less than twenty-four hours earlier was now ten times worse. Your body ached, and you couldn’t decipher if the bed was too hot or too cold.

This was torture, and quite possibly the flu, not to mention, you had the show tonight, shit. You practically sprang upwards before feeling the instant aftermath of that decision settling in. It felt absolutely criminal to leave those sheets as you groaned and grimaced your way towards your kitchen cabinet. Eyes barely opened while you blindly searched for the thermometer you had kept.

One quick temperature check later, you were running a low-grade fever. Shit, shit, shit, shit. I mean, you couldn’t miss the show, right? It just didn’t seem plausible, or maybe it did?

You frantically wondered while your fingers grazed over the Google search bar whether going to work with a low-grade fever would be beneficial?

Every answer didn’t really seem to fit the unrealistic expectations that you had set for yourself. Still, one disgusting shot of Dayquil later, you were out the door.

The day went by in a haze, and the headache never really did seem to falter. It was almost like yesterday in a sense, but seeing Hader waltz into the room made you smile. He smiled back.

Of course, Jenny and Nasim knew something was up; they always did. It wasn’t like Lorne was gonna fire you for missing one show; it was the flu. Except, you had made it this far, how bad could it possibly go?

-

The lights were too bright, far too bright for you to even think properly, and your fever was sure burning up. Or maybe it wasn’t, you always had to ask others around for that sorta assistance. Except, this was the primary night of the week and you weren’t gonna ask a cast member to feel your forehead.

Imagine if Hader did, Y/N, please stop being a dork.

You found solace in a large water bottle, but it didn’t do much to help the way your body ached miserably. You looked like a mess, you felt like a mess, but this was the big leagues.

The last time you had checked, the previous performance of the musical guest had been underway. Which meant you had survived, but the exhaustion that had been ever-growing was begging for you to lay down.

The floor looked so good right now, yeah, just for a hot second, ugh why is everything burning up?

Slowly closing your eyes, you let yourself press up against the wall, except there wasn’t a wall right there, and down you went with a thud.

-

Bill had been anxious all night, of course for the show, but for you in particular. You usually always looked so put-together, but tonight something about you was just off. It was beginning to rub him the wrong way.

“Andy, do you notice anything strange about, um, Y/N over there?” he said, trying to muffle the concerned edge that rested within his voice.

“Y/N? Oh that new cast member you like?” Andy replied without much thought, earning a stern look from Hader.

“She’ll hear you, god man you sure can be loud. Whatever, she just looks kind of off man, I’m a little nervous for her.”

Andy’s gaze softened just a tad until something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye.

“I mean normally I would say that she looks fine and you’re just crushing, but I don’t think that is normal.” Bill’s gaze instantly locked onto the same thing, which was you fainting onto the floor.

His body going rigid before ultimately bolting upright, he wasn’t gonna catch you in time. Still, he definitely was gonna help if he could. Although he most definitely wasn’t the only one, other stray coworkers who happened to be backstage stood, jaws dropped.

There you went, tumbling to the ground, and Bill couldn’t help but feel his heart drop. Maybe that headache was worse than you had let up. He felt guilty for not speaking up sooner, but there was nothing he could do now.

They called a medic on the site, trying to keep it discreet as possible. It was a live show; he didn’t think it would be professional if broadcasted that shit.

He tried to fill in all of the details of how you had been acting the past few hours. It felt like he couldn’t do much to help, but he didn’t wanna leave your sight. It was odd; something about you really drew him in, leaving him reaching for more.

Plus, at this point, the last thing he had to do was go on stage while they rolled the credits. Bill was optimistic that this would count as a good reason.

He watched anxiously while the medic’s placed you upon a stretcher, his feet following without much thought. They wheeled you out to a waiting ambulance; he gulped at the thought of you having to be taken to the hospital.

Surprisingly they allowed him inside the ambulance; he was so convinced he’d be forced to wait until god knows how long. The vehicle provided seats off the side, allowing him to catch his breath and try not to worry about his current state.

That is until he saw you looking back groggily at him; now, this was definitely normal, as the medic had explained. He just didn’t see it coming; you blinked a few times, looking around at your surroundings.

-

“Hey, saw you took a little snooze there.” he teased, his gaze never leaving yours.

The ambulance rattled slightly, and you gasped a little before focusing your attention back onto him.

“Is this an ambulance? What happened?” you sat upright, feeling ten times worse, trying to piece together precisely why you and Bill Hader, of all people, were in the ambulance?

“Y/N, you fainted. The doctor’s said you’re burning up, they’re taking you to the ER.” he explained carefully, as you groaned in frustration.

He cocked his head slightly, clearly not expecting that response.

“About that, yeah I think I have the flu, I had a low-grade fever this morning.” you admitted sheepishly, not even daring to meet his gaze.

“I’m sorry what?” he exclaimed, his eyes as wide as literal saucers. “Lemme get this straight, you went to work, with the flu?” you nodded, and he ran his hands over his face.

“Listen, I didn’t wanna disappoint Lorne. I mean it’s the night of all nights.” the words came out softer than you had intended; Hader practically melted.

“Oh, did you really think that Lorne’s gonna get pissed at you for having the flu? Oh sweetie, you know your health comes first right?” his words falling ever so sweetly off his lips.

You could barely look at the man, let alone control the multitude of butterflies that jolted in your already queasy stomach. Not to mention that he even thought to tag along, you nodded, not saying a word, focusing on his blue eyes like they were a safety net. Until you closed them, letting sleep overtake you.

-

You awoke once more to the sounds of machines beeping, people going from room to room, and an incessant tapping of one’s shoe.

This was most definitely the emergency room, your eyes scanning its surroundings until they landed on one person in particular. He looked exhausted, more so than you did, and you felt awful given the time it was at night. In fact, it was practically morning.

“You’re still here,” he sat upright, rubbing his eyes, “Thanks for sticking it out, Bill.” you tried to give him the most genuine smile you could possibly muster.

“Of course, I mean I overheard the doctor anyway. You’re cleared to go when you wake up, and definitely have to get some rest. I already spoke to Lorne.” you gaped, but he only stood up.

“Bill, what did he say?” you whisper.

“That you should listen to the doctor, and me.” you raised a brow. “Okay maybe he didn’t say me, but you get the point?” he exclaimed as he helped you get out of the bed.

The two of you walking towards the desk in which you had to sign out some papers, the pen unsteadily perched upon your fingers. Bill’s hand holding securely upon your back, in hopes you wouldn’t stumble. In reality, just being near him set your heart aflutter.

“Now I’m taking you home, but first I was thinking I could get you some soup for home. That sound good?” you could only look at the man in pure awe.

“You don’t have to do this Bill, really, I mean you’ve already done enough.” you gulped, only to see the man give you a smirk, his eyes glinting at you mischievously.

“Soup it is.” his hand clamping against yours, he led you out of the hospital and into the cold streets of New York City.

It didn’t take long for the two of you to reach the little soup shop he’d been talking about; it was cozy and apparently open twenty-four seven. Against his offer, you paid for two soups that looked the most delicious and cupped the cups while strolling back to your place.

“How do you think you got the flu?” he asked gently, looking at you with curiosity.

You had to try not to laugh; I mean, at this point, it was your fault, you subjected yourself to the tundra in your bedroom for the past few nights.

“Well, my heater has been broken for the past few nights. I assume that’s how I got it.” a smile aglow upon your face, giggling at Hader’s shocked expression.

“It better be fixed tonight when we get to your apartment complex. That’s ridiculous, Y/N.” you kept giggling, and soon he joined in with that gorgeous laugh of his.

You enjoyed your time with Hader even though internally you felt like shit; he made it so much more bearable. The air was light between the two of you, he made it easy to open up, and you wanted to know so much about him.

God, wait till you let Nasim and Jenny know about this night. They’re so gonna flip; you just knew it. Not to mention, the big looming ‘I told you so’ that was so coming your way.

“This is it.” he came to a halt, admiring the quaint little building that you happened to call home.

“You do know I’m not leaving until that heater is back on, right?” he ordered, but underneath his serious tone, you could see the concern.

“Oh come on Hader, let’s go see.”

The two of you taking the steps at a time, your body wanting to collapse, but you couldn’t let him know. He stood beside you while you inserted your keys into the lock, twisting it, before walking inside.

“What’s that rattling noise?” Hader wondered aloud.

A huge grin meeting your lips, you looked at him in pure delight, and he soon got the memo. His eyes widening before heaving a sigh of relief, only to halt.

“You call me if you need anything okay? Get some sleep, and um, stay warm. That’s an order, you hear me?” you could see his performance wavering as he tried desperately not to laugh.

“Yes, Sir.” you saluted weakly, but he only began to break instantly.

You really did love that laugh.

Thanks, Bill, for everything, really.” you said as he turned to head to the door, stepping up on your toes to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

His face instantly turned red before trying to compose himself as he walked away. You watched while he left the residence, giving you one last smile.

-

You awoke in a drowsy stupor that next morning to a text message from an unknown number.

Unknown Number: Want me to bring you some coffee and breakfast? - btw, this is Bill. Hope this l wasn’t too creepy. I ain’t no stalker.

Maybe: Bill: ps. How do you like your coffee?

Bill: ps.s yes or no?

You fell back on the bed with such a shit-eating grin, only to groan in response to the mistake you had just made.

You: Yes 

[do-y0u-have-to-let-it-linger]

EXT. The Roof (Winter) - Sunset

Not Just Attracted to Women!Peter Maximoff x Fem and Not Just Attracted to Men!Reader

Based off of a dream I recently had: Peter and Y/N have a conversation on the roof of Xavier's in mid-December. Peter accidentally lets it slip that he might not be straight, and he is afraid that Y/N will think less of him because of it because this is the 80s. Y/N reveals that she is also not straight, and is saddened by the fact that Peter could think that she could ever hate him- especially for that. She calls him wonderful. Feelings ensue. Also, a touch of Cherik at the end because I give the people what they want.

Warnings: Swearing, Peter cries, internalized homophobia (this is the 80s-ish and Peter uses the word 'queer' in a kind of incorrect and kind of offensive manner, but it was internalized homophobia and not actually intended to be mean to anyone but himself so I forgive him), a touch of angst but mostly fluff, Charles called you two "children" even though you are obviously not, Erik is happy that his son has someone that cares about him the way you do, Peter is insecure but not super blunt about it, Peter has been deprived of being adored his entire life, bad writing, I mention a serial killer twice, historical inaccuracy because the word queer was still a slur so yeah.

A/N: This is literally the first thing I have ever written so please be nice to me, I wrote this instead of an essay. I would love a comment of any kind, even if it's just a heart emoji or something, and constructive criticism would be highly appreciated. Also 'N/N' stands for nick-name.

(Ok, so, full discloser: the format is odd. The bullet points represent dialogue, and the only dialogue is between you two love birds. The first bullet point is Peter, the second is Y/N, the third is Peter, and so on.)

“I dunno, the whole ‘liking people’ thing has always been weird for me.”

“How do you mean?"

“Pppffftt- 'how do you mean,' what are you, Shakespeare or somethin’?”

“Yeah, because that’s the era when ‘how do you mean' would have been a popular term. Ok, what do you mean?”

“Just- when other people were liking people I never really was?”

He was gesturing wildly and avoiding eye contact, as always. He wasn't uncomfortable with eye contact, he just got bored easily in conversations, he needed to keep himself occupied. In this situation that meant staring at the red and green lights covering the rest of the roof, the snowy trees all over the yard, and a holly garland around the gate. Peter wasn't Christian, but man, did he love their Christmas decorations.

“Like… now? In school?”

“Well- yeah… but also when I was younger. And I never liked the right people? Or... liked them in the right way?”

“So you’ve never liked anyone.”

“No, no… I definitely have. It was just… weird! I don't-”

His hands dropped to his side in defeat.

“I don’t think it’s that out of the ordinary. I would tell you if it was. Also, if it was... 'weird', like you said, that wouldn’t mean it was necessarily bad.”

He hadn’t really heard what she said, he was too busy pondering what his next sentence would be. When she wasn't speaking, he was rambling.

"I had some of the normal crap… like in movies when they talk about the fluttery stomach junk. I've had that around a few girls I've been friends with, also that phase with the boy stuff, a-"

“Wait, what phase with the boy stuff?”

“Like- when you’re in middle school or whatever and you're gay for a second.”

His phrasing was a joke, but the statement as a whole was not.

“…‘Gay for a second’?”

“…Yeah?”

“Hmmm..."

"Is that- not-"

"I don't think that is... 'normal'... per-say..."

“Oh… Really?”

His heart sunk.

“…Yeah.”

“Huh.”

“…Mhm.”

“…Shit.”

He suddenly looked almost embarrassed. He shifted his posture, seemingly trying to shrink into himself.

“Do you... wanna chat about it?”

Panic started to slowly rise in him.

“Um- forget I said anything.”

“Why?”

Something in him said to go on the "defense". He did not appear as calm as he was intending to.

“I’m not- gay! or anything. I like girls! I do!”

She put her hand on his arm.

“Hey- look at me for a second. We are not in court, and I never 'accused' you of being gay. That would be a very funny reality TV show, but not what is happening right now. Listen, theoretically if you were gay that wouldn’t be bad! And I wouldn’t be… whatever you.. think that I would be? I mean- however you are afraid I would act in a negative reaction to it? I would try to be here for you, and be as supportive as possible.”

He didn’t believe her.

“Ok, sure.”

“Peter.”

“What? You’re going to tell me that you would honestly be friends with a queer person- be friends with me if I was... not... normal?”

She was taken aback by his tone, the word he had used, and the way he said it, felt like a weight dropping on her shoulders.

“Oh. would you… not?”

It was her turn to seem nervous.

“What?”

“Would you- stop being friends with someone for liking someone that they… I don’t know… shouldn’t... would be the word I guess?”

Why, in this situation, was she nervous? Oh. His fear was replaced with guilt.

“No.”

“Ok.”

“So… are you… do you… why were you scared?”

“... Why were you?”

She expected a joke from him, something along the lines of “touché".

“Are you… gay?”

“No.”

Yeah, he didn’t believe her.

“Uh-huh”

“Really, I’m not. I’ve liked boys, but also... I've had feelings for girls. I’m not… straight. So I just want to let you know that it’s okay if you aren’t too.”

“I never s-“

She smiled at him with a bit of pity, she had been there. The self-loathing, the feeling of walking on minefields with so many people in your life.

“You are…”

She paused.

“I am… what?”

“Give me a second I’m trying to find the perfect word.”

“… Okay?”

“Wonderful.”

That was not exactly the word he was expecting. Like, at all.

“Huh?”

“That’s the word. Wait- let me start over. You gotta look me in my eyes as I say it, because it’s gonna be really poetic.”

“Uh… should I be scared?”

“No. Maybe a little. No.”

“… Okay.”

He looked at her.

“You are… wonderful.”

“Oh... Thanks?“

He looked away again, to be honest, he was a bit uncomfortable. He rarely received compliments, especially ones that seem so... genuine.

“I’m not finished, look back at me, just for a second. You are so wonderful- and I will support you as whatever you are! I want you to know that I can- I can barely even think of something you could do that would make me genuinely hate you- like… maybe if you Dahmer-ed people or like chopped up a-“

He found this was amusing, yet disturbing.

“Y/N?”

“Sorry- I just- the fact that you thought, even for a second, that I could hate you… is just-“

“I’m sorry”

“No! Stop it. Don’t be sorry.”

She stared at him expectantly.

“What do you want me to-“

“Take it back! The sorry!”

“How?”

“Say you aren’t sorry”

“N/N-“

“Peter.”

“Ok. I’m, ya know, not sorry.”

“Good. You shouldn’t be”

“You’re weird.”

“Yuh-huh. Says the most likely, from the little information I've gathered, bisexual in denial who also happens to be the fastest boy on earth who had to slow down exponentially to interact with other people who also, also, happens sitting on a roof in the dead of winter with me.”

“What’s by smexual?”

Something about the way he attempted to repeat her words must have been hilarious, he thought, because here she was, sitting in front of him, in a fit of childish giggles. He would smile if he weren't so confused.

“No- that’s not- what I said- it’s… wait!”

“What?”

“You’re tryna get me off topic!”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“Am not!”

“Are t- shit.”

“HAHA! Victory is a sweet dessert... wait is that even the saying? Still, I win you lose, nerd.”

“Ok, okay! go on.”

She was attempting to gather herself to give off a less jokey aura. It was half working, the "am not! are too!" argument a few moments ago made it hard for him to take her seriously, but he could tell it was important to her that he did, so he tried his best.

“You have to look at me again. just for a second.”

“I sw-”

“Just do it? Please?”

His attempt to put up a fight was thwarted by her small "please". He was pathetic.

“Okay.”

He looked at her.

“You…”

“Me… or- wait- I…”

“Are w-“

“Wonderful, yeah yeah. just get to the n-”

“No.”

“… No?”

“When you say it it doesn’t encapsulate it. It sounds silly.”

“Ok little miss ‘you art thou wonderful’, how would you have me say it?”

“I am you wonderful?”

“What?”

“You called me ‘little miss you are you wonderful’ what does that-“

“Ok! Would you just- shut up and call me wonderful one more time, please?”

She looked at him and blinked. That sentence surely came off as less ironic than intended.

“You are wonderful.”

She grabbed his face, in a half-joking manner. Her grab smushed his cheeks and she couldn't help but laugh a bit when she did it. Even though it was clearly a bit, he was still flustered.

“W-“

She shook him a bit.

"Shut up 'cause I'm about to say some beautiful and true shit. You are wonderful. You are wonderful. You are wonderful. You are absolutely, unchangingly, and irrevocably wonderful and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, Maximoff.”

After saying what she would (in 40 years or so) recall as a painfully John Green-ish statement in her blunt and matter-of-fact manner, she let go of her semi-ironic hold on his pink cheeks. Were his cheeks pink because it was absolutely freezing, or because his heart was beating faster than he had ever (and would ever, mind you) run, you ask? No comment.

“Wow.”

“Wow what.”

“You do say it better than I do.”

“Did you like how I stressed different parts of the sentence each time? I thought that was a nice detail.”

“Wow.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“Wow.”

Did his voice just... break a little?

“Peter?”

“Uh- yeah?”

Was he a little... sniffle-y? She was now very concerned.

“Are you okay?!”

“Oh- um... yeah!”

No! No he was clearly not! He was sniffling!

“Really? 'Cause, you don't seem it.”

“It’s just- I just- wow.”

“Wow, what!?”

“That was just- uh-"

“Just what? It really wasn't that fancy, you seem much too impressed with me. Oh my God, was it terrible?”

“I mean it was really corny but w-“

“I swear to God if you say 'wow' one more time I may have to add ‘use of the word wow too much’ to the list of things that could make me hate you. Right next to the Dahmer stuff. That was a joke. Your use of the word wow is only mildly perturbing. Sorry."

She was panicking "just a bit".

“I’m sorry, I mean I’m not sorry. Sorry. Shit! sorry! I mean I’m not!”

And he was absolutely... full-on crying at this point.

“Peter.”

“Yeah?”

He was looking down at his mittens. Not that this is important, but they were very pretty mittens.

“Look at me, you klepto.”

He didn’t.

“You know- I’ve been hearing a lot of that 'look at me' stuff from you today. I mean- the klepto part is new-“

“Peter.”

“What?!”

He peaked up at her.

“Talk to me. Please, you're kinda scaring me, let me help.”

“I’m not sad!”

“You’re crying!”

“Yeah but not from the sads!”

“… The ‘sads’?”

“You know- when you get sad! It just means being sad! I don't- that’s what Wanda calls it, not me!"

He wiped his nose, tears still running down from his puffy eyes to his reddened cheeks.

“What are you crying from?”

“No one’s ever called me wonderful before.”

“I'm sorry! I did a few minutes ago and you didn’t cry!”

“No! You can't 'sorry' me if I can't 'sorry' you! And- yeah but that doesn’t count!”

“Why?”

“Because it only felt big when you said it the certain way!”

“What way!?”

“You look at me, you grab my cheeks-“

“I'm sorry about that by the way I was j-“

“No! It’s really ok! Do it whenever! I mean don’t do it whene- shut up!”

“I’m not even talking! You're the one talking!”

“You look at me, you grab my cheeks, and you go: you are wonderful.”

“Yeah???”

“No one ever called me that before!”

"Peter, I- well- they- they should! They should! More often! Then the amount that it happens now! I think. In my opinion."

"Or really looked at me like that!”

“Looked at you like what, Peter?”

“Like I was somethin’!”

“Well, you are… ‘somethin'! Whatever that means! And- I think you deserve to be looked at as such!”

“See?”

“What!?”

“You just-“

A strangled sob escaped from his throat. He didn't know how to explain.

“Pete.”

“Ew. I hate that nickname.”

He crossed his arms over his chest like a toddler, trying to completely ignore the fact that he was an emotional wreck.

“Peter.”

“Yeah?”

She opened her arms and gestured for him to come closer. He was hesitant at first- but gave up all the reasons he shouldn't move to be closer to her in exchange for the promise of comfort she was offering him. He crawled over to her and curled up in her arms. The way she held him made him want to cry more. Who does she think she is- holding him like he was worth holding? With her chin sitting on top of his hair? Letting him do that gross cry sob with the spit and the snot into her only winter coat? Rocking him, and shushing him, and petting his stupid, silver hair? She was warm, too! The audacity of this woman.

When Erik brought Charles into his office to grab a chess set, they saw the two in the window. For a moment Charles considered telling Peter and Y/N to get off of the high platform, seeing as the two were the reasons the "no sitting on the roof" rule was enacted in the first place (neither of them were coordinated whatsoever). Charles quickly dropped this notion when he saw the look on Erik's face, Charles could tell it made him so happy to see Peter be held like that, cared for like that. Erik's expression made Charles want to both tell Erik that he is the most precious thing in the world, and make fun of him (look at Mr. Metal, gone completely soft). Possibly he could do both at the same time. But for now, he is just going to pretend he didn't see the two outside of the window, and have Erik grab them their game, go to the living room, and pretend not to have read Erik's mind when he inevitably asks him how he always manages to pick the white chess piece at "random".

[saltminerising]

post/670825988084678656/ - in defense of the people of lfd, i will say yes, the mods kind of handled it poorly because starboard was new and they didn't put enough thought into it before just like. letting it go live on the server. in defense of the mod team, i'm really bad at reading tone through text and when people said things like "i feel bad but i'm also proud", i'm not a mod but that did make me feel?? kinda bad?? like i was excited to use starboard and the mods removing it because of this felt bad, but it kind of felt worse that some people seemed jokey about it getting removed for the entire server so i can't imagine that felt great. :(

also to clear a few things up because i actually spoke to the mod team about it after the incident because i was genuinely very sad and wanted to get starboard back and was like... asking for an appeal? as somebody that starred the message and was worried about getting a warning

- they said a big reason why it was removed was BECAUSE of the "it went out with a bang" kind of jokes, not because of the message itself. they removed it because of the message but the option to get it back was still available until people started joking about it being removed

- mods admitted to overreacting to the message because being in an internet space kinda does that to you, they were worried about what kind of message would get pinned next which is a tad paranoid but i get it

- the rules about what should and shouldn't be pinned were kind of unclear so lfd members are not to blame for that

- the chat that this was happening in was moving super duper fast and by the time it was starred, it was buried, and for people who get sensory overload from stuff like that (like me), it's just better not to look and backread when everything is said and done so idk some food for thought about the whole jumping in thing and saying "hey stop"

- mods admitted that the message sounded accusatory because it came from a place of personal disappointment bc they were also excited about starboard and so it felt more snippy/accusatory than necessary

- the person who made the original joke is very very sweet and never meant to cause any harm and everybody who joined in along with the joke is also very sweet, some people just starred because they probably got caught up in the hype (me included)

i dunno, this is a community run by a few internet folks and if i wasn't in this server and i joined and the first thing i saw was dead baby message i'd be like "wack" but not perturbed, but not everyone would have that reaction.

tldr: first ask about the situation was kinda needlessly mean at other lfd members?? and also excluded info. this one also felt mean at the mods and excluded other stuff. this was a messy situation overall, nobody was in the right, and was needlessly divisive, can we just go back to yelling about coli keybinds