#some of you guys sound like people who view a character being bi as bad bc then women are a threat' and suddenly

[venacoeurva]

I'm starting to think quite a few people in the Balding Gays Thrice fandom don't actually like bi/pan people very much and view us as less queer or can't be, esp if we're come across as stereotypically gay

[yesmissnyx]

Hi, I hope it's okay to DM. I'm looking for advice while getting into the kink lifestyle/self-realization.

I'm struggling to deal with internalized shame. It's the same old struggle, I'm guessing.

Figured out I'm bi and very, very kinky late last year, kind of all at once. Suddenly liking guys as well was easier to deal with. Realizing I'm into BDSM, hypno, crossdressing, and most of the kinks on your pinned list was... hard.

Some days, I can fully feel okay, and others I feel smothered in shame and depression, like I'm not supposed to want these things. I feel like I'm intruding into a space that I don't have the right to be in.

My question is, how do you recommend new kinksters/subs/etc deal with the question and internalized shame. Or specifically feeling positive about their kinks and the changes that happen as you realize them.

Sorry for a bit of a rant, and thanks in advance if you're willing to give me some advice.

Hey there! Sorry for the SUPER late advice! I hope you're feeling better in the meantime, but if not, I can do my best to offer you 1. some advice and 2. some words of encouragement.

First of all, HELL YEAH. Welcome to the Bisexual Kinkster Club--a club you now belong to because you are kinky and bisexual! Kink rocks! Being bisexual rocks! I am giving you a welcome basket myself.

(The lube tastes like strawberries.)

That being said though, I'm so sorry you're dealing with internalized shame around all of this :( Shame is a very personal thing and can be tricky to deal with, ESPECIALLY when parts of society are telling you the thing you like is wrong, just because they find it disgusting.

But...first of all, disgust-based morality ain't it, chief. It's a one-way ticket to being a miserable, hateful person with Main Character Syndrome and an easy target for fascism. Don't give into it! Don't listen to people who value their own disgust above the needs and happiness of others!

As long as what you are doing is not infringing on the personal rights of others, you deserve to do the things that make you happy. Full fucking stop. (And, newsflash, doing something that just happens to disgust someone is NOT infringing on their personal rights.)

Now, this might be controversial, but I'm going to let you in on a big realization that I had some time in my early 20s: shame is, in my humble opinion, a useless emotion to feel for any duration of time.

It makes you do things you don't want to do. It keeps you from doing things you DO want to do. It lies to you. It eats you alive.

More importantly, though, it's JUST an emotion, and like all emotions, its only job is to try to tell you something. Feeling emotions doesn't make you a good OR a bad person!

Of course, I'm not just telling you "lol just stop feeling things" because that's, like...not possible or healthy. BUT! You are not obligated to feel any emotion that you don't want to feel.

You might, however, want to interrogate the shame, because even if you aren't going to listen to its wishes (right???), it's worth understanding what it's trying to tell you.

So! What is the shame afraid of? What does it want to protect you from? What does it want you to do? Is what it wants you to do in line with your own goals and desires?

If you aren't in alignment with your shame, which I assume you aren't, then you can tell it that.

"I appreciate that you're trying to keep me safe, but I have no reason to be ashamed of the things I like, and I'm not going to let you stop me from enjoying them."

This might sound silly, but once you can speak frankly with your difficult emotions, it gets WAY easier to work through them. Viewing them as parts of yourself that just want to keep you safe is way easier than just dealing with nebulous shame, anger, anxiety, etc.!

And then, there's also the chance that it might be telling you something useful, once you start asking questions.

For example, if the shame is afraid that your friends might judge you, maybe you need to rethink how you navigate your friendships. If it's worried you might be going about a kink all wrong and you'll make a fool of yourself, do some research. If you're overwhelmed by the intensity of a new kink, explore it at your own pace and listen to your feelings about it with curiosity instead of judgment.

Remember: Action TOWARD a goal (in this case, pleasure and fulfillment) is always preferable to an action that AVOIDS negative feelings.

Enthusiasm and self-love are a better motivator than fear and shame. You deserve to be the best, happiest, more joyful version of yourself, and if that includes being a kinky crossdressing hypnotized bisexual, then so be it :)

Hopefully this all makes sense! And hopefully this helps you and others who might be in a similar boat.

Good luck on your journey and happy pride 🌈🏳‍🌈

(Also, please know that I'm always open to give advice. Ask me things. Let me live my know-it-all dreams 😜)

[sirensskai]

My Ripp Grunt headcanons

It was about time I put them all in one place because as you can tell I’m obsessed with him and have a lot😭 Some of them might make no sense whatsoever or sound weird or are probably me just projecting but who cares lol. If I forget any or think of more I’ll add them later. Also it’s going to be really long…

Anyway… “So Kai, how much do you like Ripp???”

Me:

Birthday

I have come up with a birthday for Ripp. December 13, 1988. (Yes I know December 13 is the same date as Taylor Swift lol.) He is a Sagittarius (that’s canon but that’s why I picked that birthday). I see sims 2 Strangetown as starting in 2005 and he was age 16-17 back then. He’s a year and several months younger than Tank and 4 years older than Buck.

Height

Kind of short for a guy, about 5.5. Tank and Johnny are significantly taller and he hates it.

Identity

He is bisexual and transmasculine. Maybe non binary too, specifically a non binary man (like a demiboy or something.)

Ripp has always been attracted to all genders. He doesn’t really care about that (can fit pansexual too.) He is open to seeing multiple people at once so is polyamorous too. Which can be one way of explaining the romance aspiration. And yes, he has a crush on both Ophelia and Johnny.

He is transgender and knew something was up from an early age. Like a lot of transmasc people he went down the “tomboy” to trans pipeline. He didn’t fully realise what being trans meant and that that was what he was until he was about 14 though. Ripp chose his name himself, idc. He thought it was cool.

Johnny and Ophelia were very supportive of him being trans. He had them at school when the bullies found something new to pick on. As was his mum Lyla who he is very close to. Buck didn’t fully understand at first because of being really young but is still very supportive. (Also Buck ended up becoming Rebecca and is transfem herself but that’s another character headcanon lol) Lyla helped him start HRT.

General Buzz though… I don’t see General Buzz as entirely transphobic. I think he’s the kind of person to prefer having sons, but is still weird about Ripp being trans. He is kind of against it at first but gets used to it. He would also want Ripp to be a man in the “right” way (based on a Tumblr post I saw.) He messes up pronouns sometimes but at least tries. He still thinks Ripp is a fucking lazy ass disappointment overall though 😭 “yeah you are trans or bi, whatever, but you are still my worst son ever.” I think he would be more concerned if any guy Ripp dated was an alien over the fact they were a guy (oops, he already has a crush on Johnny Smith.) General Buzz’s conflicting views about Ripp with Lyla also contributed to those two’s strained relationship. He sees a lot of Lyla in Ripp, in both appearance and personality and he hates being reminded of her.

Tank was in a similar position of getting used to it over time. Didn’t mean he stopped wanting to beat his ass all the time though. He had some internalised stuff he had to deal with himself though (being his own person with his own wishes and also, gay.)

Ripp took Lyla disappearing very hard, especially since she was the one helping with his transition. He was on his own. Things got complicated because General Buzz was still kind of unsupportive. Ripp snuck out for several days to get top surgery by himself and General Buzz was very angry about that.

Personality

He’s a very sweet person overall. He’s friendly with almost everyone and hates conflict, but if he is confronted he loves taking the piss out of them. He’s very positive most of the time despite his terrible life. Very talkative and can go on and on. Tries to make a joke and lighten the mood with just about everything, including himself, even if he does go too far sometimes (which he instantly feels bad about if he makes someone sad.) Definitely swears a lot which his father hates, but he loves annoying his father.

Relationships

I don’t think he has a bad relationship with his father and Tank forever. They make up at one point and maybe they don’t become really close but they at least get along somewhat again (no horrible PSP ending in my sims game.)

He was very close with Lyla, probably the most out of all three of Lyla’s sons so he was devastated when she left, and even more so when he found out she died. One of the few supportive people in his life and she was gone.

Him and Buck (or Rebecca later) are very close due to them both having a strained relationship with General Buzz. Rebecca looks up to Ripp a lot. Also they end up both being transgender which they make a joke out of later. “I can’t believe we’re both Grunts and trans.)

He’s been friends with Ophelia and Johnny since middle school. He hangs out with them a lot and prefers being with them to being at home. He loves being an idiot with Johnny but is sweet with Ophelia. He fell in love with Ophelia first then Johnny.

He met Lilith after she also ran away from home. The two became close because of that. They love poking fun at each other. He’s afraid Lilith will make fun of him if he tells her he likes her (but Lilith likes him too.)

Self insert time, he’s really sweet around Lana. Ripp talks a lot and Lana barely talks at all due to their extreme shyness but he doesn’t mind. He cares for them a lot. He is the most calm and gentle to them and loves listening to them ramble about their interests. He might want to marry her.

Music Career

Ripp was always interested in music, mostly rock music but he is open to other genres as well. I see him as being very into Nirvana. He started playing guitar at school with Johnny Smith, covering their favourite songs. Lyla got him own guitar, and he also started writing his own songs, uploading them to MySpace or something.

At one point he runs away from home and gets a trailer for himself. Away from his father, he has a lot more freedom to do what he wants with his life. He’s still working at the gas station and going to a lot of music labels and he eventually gets signed to one. He has his first major song released through them.

Ripp is the lead singer and guitarist in a band as well as a soloist, with Johnny Smith, Lilith Pleasant and Mercutio Monty, the last two he meets and befriends at one point. (Idk what to name this band yet lol.) Johnny also plays guitar, Lilith is the bassist and Mercutio plays the drums.

His music style is very diverse. And I’m also going to base them off Lana Del Rey albums and songs because why not. His very early work is very acoustic. The first ep and debut album he releases has influences of grunge, surf rock and psychedelic rock. A lot of guitar sounds. And whatever sounds come out of AKA Lizzy Grant.

He goes through some tough things in life which is why he takes a break between his debut and his second album. The sound of this album is quite different. Still guitar heavy but also very slowed, dark and psychedelic. Probably some of his most depressing songs ever. Definitely has a song calling out General Buzz. His Ultraviolence era. It’s a little bit of a concept album too, there’s some sort of storyline throughout. He wears black eyeliner on stage.

The next album is experimental, a little bit of the style of his first album back with the guitar but also some trap beats in there. If I could describe it in a Lana Del Rey song it would be Freak Like Me Demo. Also the most horny album. Bisexual anthem in there though.

The latest album I’ve imagined for Ripp (idk why I’ve imagined all these albums for a sims 2 premade, please help) he explores pop. Lust for Life era (I’m still drawing that, I have a vision.) It’s a lot more uplifting than his previous work and it changes the world. Also somewhat of a horny album too. He dies the ends of his hair purple.

Ripp moves to Del Sol Valley at one point when he becomes a celebrity and gets a house in the pinnacles.

He is definitely very popular in terms of being attractive. There are people making thirst TikToks of him and writing self insert fanfiction and everything. (Couldn’t be me. /s) Some fans are really obsessed with him. To the point they would leak his unreleased music and post it everywhere which is unfortunate but some of them are so good (I’m writing a fic based on this.)

He also does campaigns and advertisements and things as part of being a celebrity, there’s a billboard or magazine cover somewhere where he’s modelling underwear 🙏 And he also hopes it annoys his dad if he sees it and recognises his face lol

His social medias would be hilarious and he would also own terrible people.

Other random hcs

I think Ripp was an unplanned child. Lyla was happy to have him but General Buzz not so much, he kind of hated Ripp from day 1.

He was a “problem child” at least in General Buzz’s eyes and also the schools he went to where he had behaviour issues and struggled to focus. His dad made him see a psychologist. He’s autistic (or aspergers back in the late 90s-early 2000s, also I don’t think General Buzz is the most up to date) and has ADHD. I don’t think this helped with General Buzz already seeing him as a disappointment. Ripp gets really fixated on music (both certain artists and creating it) or certain tv shows or very unconventional things that are kind of uncomfortable for some people. Like literally just the subject of woohoo interests him and he wants to know everything about it lol. I think he fixates on philosophical stuff too like death and the purpose of life (another thing that can lead to some uncomfortable conversations.) Very unlike the stereotype of autism because he’s really outgoing and social too, but it is a spectrum.

I think he shows a lot of affection through touch.

Really dark hc but… 😭 Although he pretends it doesn’t, I think the terrible relationship he has with General Buzz and Tank, as well as Lyla disappearing and dying did really affect him. Has depression and some self esteem and emotional issues and fears abandonment. He has considered *unaliving* before. Also a weird relationship with food. Although he has max interest in food, and he eats a lot of food (but mostly junk food) he grew up with the pressure to remain thin. The dark period of his life between his first two albums involved that and he may have abused substances too. I’m a terrible person, I’m sorry 😭. The romance sim part of him might have spawned from craving the love he didn’t get at home. He feels undeserving of a real relationship but deep down that’s what he actually wants.

I am sorry to him for giving him all these traumatising hcs but I can’t help myself. He was bullied in his school years 🥲 The psp secret of him being afraid of toilets from “one too many swirlies as a child” is to do with this. Tank was involved too maybe, but I don’t believe it was all down to him and he’s a terrible person. With the trans headcanon, I think he was picked on by both boys and girls. Girls didn’t like him for being “weird” and boys would go out of their way to hurt him for trying to fit in with them.

Due to General Buzz being in the millitary, he travelled to a lot of places and moved around a lot prior to going back to middle school in Strangetown. I think he would become interested in different cultures and pick up some words of different languages. He lived in Tomerang at one point.

Ripp is kind of feminine. He isn’t afraid to like “feminine” things and he loves jewellery and painting his nails.

He has a brow piercing and a septum.

He gets a sleeve tattoo.

Has rarely ever cut his hair in his life, he lets it grow really long and he doesn’t care. He would hate for all of his hair to just be chopped off (and that’s also what his father wants)

Smokes, both cigarettes and weed. Tries to stop smoking the cigarettes later on though. Him, Johnny and Ophelia get stoned together and sometimes Lana if she’s willing.

He’s quite arty (his canonical one true hobby is set to arts and crafts.) Spends a lot of his time drawing anything from animals to horny “anatomy” pictures because why not. He takes art when he attends college.

Ripp is a great father. Idc about that romance aspiration, just because he has that doesn’t mean he’s a deadbeat father 😭 Like I’ve said before, that sounds like Don Lothario but not Ripp. His nice points are too high for that. Also being like his own dad would be the last thing he wants to be. He really cares for any kids he has, and the people pregnant with the kids. He would be a really fun dad, maybe a little permissive. Basically the opposite of General Buzz (and also how I think Lyla was.) He also cares for people in general instead of just wanting woohoo out of them.

Ripp is left handed. Sims 4 actually set him up as left handed for me lol. Left handed guitars are unavailable to him to start with so he’s forced to learn right handed 😰 But later on he gets a left handed guitar and plays amazing.

He has a tooth gap.

Cat person. General Buzz, Tank and Rebecca are all drawn to dogs but Ripp is the only cat lover 😭 He gets a havana or a maine coon (or both.)

I think Ripp fits the pleasure aspiration more than the romance aspiration to be honest. An aspiration that involves some romance but also not being a total sleaze and wanting to relax and have fun sounds more like him. It fits Lyla too (another reason why they were so close is that they had very similar personalities.) Another aspiration that fits is popularity, he’s just a very friendly person who loves making friends.

Songs that remind me of Ripp:

[carbootsoul]

anyway no one asked but: yue joins the gaang instead of becoming the moon at the end of season 1 hcs!!

- instead of giving up her life to replace tui as the moon spirit, she gives up tui’s blessing to give them the final burst of strength to escape from zhao. basically yue gives up her blue eyes, pale hair, and waterbending. she never (?) waterbends on the show, and the loss of her bending isn’t too devestating to her.

- also sokka gets a friend who can’t bend either... he deserves it.

- when the gaang leaves after the battle is over, yue decides to come with them and it’s a HUGE thing with her father and begins her main character arc, which is about whether her responsibility to her tribe and the preservation of their culture is more important than her paving her own way and also how those two things can coexist!

- she leaves her betrothal necklace on her bedside table and the last shot of the episode is just of it, lying there. 

- this got rly long so there’s more under the cut

- her traveling clothes are a thing shawl and a tunic similar to sokka’s with pants. she keeps her usual haircut but it’s tied with leather instead of the fancy hair things she used as princess. also she uses a hunting knife as a weapon

- she and sokka continue their weird not-dating-but-kind-of-dating dance for a lot of episodes and it’s generally awkward and easy comic relief. also more shots of yue blushing because she’s just so cuteeee

- there’s a scene of them stargazing where yue tells sokka the story of a pair of lovers who died and then remained best friends in all their future lives (because avatar friendships enduring through lifetimes and also friendship being just as important as romantic relationships)

- yue becomes friends with EVERYONE they meet IMMEDIATELY and everyone falls in love with her because she’s sweet and pretty and has a nice laugh.

- there’s a filler episode that’s just sokka and yue going shopping together and trying on lots of jewlery but the running gag is that yue keeps getting distracted with talking to other people and definitely flirting with every girl she runs into and sokka is always distracted with a pair of earrings or a set of rings and doesn’t notice. finally some random guy is like ‘man your girlfriend has been flirting with my sister this whole time... are you aware.” and sokka is immeditaly like ShE’s NoT mY GiRLfRiEnD and then like wait what

- so maybe yue is a lesbian. sokka is very distressed that he’s been trying to court someone who’s not interested so he talks with katara while she’s sewing or something and he’s like is yue gay?? and katara is like oh i don’t know. lots of people we know are queer. sokka: WHO??? katara: well, zuko. suki. sokka: ZUKO??? SUKI??? and this is when katara realizes her brother’s gaydar is nonexistent. 

- yue tries being a vegetarian (to be nice to aang) but thinks nuts are gross so she and sokka go on hunting trips together. she’s Very Good at archery.

- also the episode where they watch toph wrestle?? she and sokka are SO on her side. it made me angry in the show that sokka wasn’t on her side but yue would convince him very quickly and they are very loud together.

- she also stays to talk to toph on the estate because she doesn’t look as suspect as the rest of the gaang so the guards don’t kick her out immediately (read: she’s good at conforming to elitist ideas of how people r meant to act and passes the rich kid test). she and toph sit in the garden and watch the moon (because the moon symbolizes yue’s perceived failure to sacrifice herself to save her tribe) and talk about how sometimes to live as yourself you have to skirt your responsibilities to your family. yue leaves a few hours later firmly friends with toph.

- she continues to be the one firmly on toph’s side in the toph/katara disputes that are in the first few episodes with toph. katara can’t hold it against her though because literally who could hold a grudge against yue she’s so incredible

- (ok we’re skipping a lot of time here bc i frankly do not remember everything that happened in book 2) her ba sing se tale is her uhhh going to the market to buy herself an iced tea because she’s gay and just having a good time being a no one. a girl she runs into at the cafe asks her to go on a walk around the city with her and it’s very sweet but yue does Not know this is a date so when the girl gives her a kiss she gets blushy and says something dumb

- also at the end of another episode we have a short scene of yue on the roof of their house in the upper ring, staring at the moon and touching the place on her neck where her betrothal necklace isn’t. then the camera switches to zuko, on the other side of the city, looking at the same moon and absently running his fingers through his hair where his topknot used to be

- yue and jet hate each other but yue still advocates for him because she sees how he’s been hurt and thinks that he deserves a second chance. i don’t know the funeral traditions for any of the nations but she does a quick northern water tribe blessing over his body before they run away.

- yue and mai are like.. yes we r gay..... yes we do flirt with each other while fighting sometimes.... yes we r the two knife fighters.. yes we are ALSO narrative foils

- yue looks SO GOOD in fire nation clothes but she keeps her usual hairdo because she deserves it. the fire nation propaganda makes her very angry, as does the institutionalized homophobia. she starts arguing with some guy over it and katara is ready to back her up and start fucking screaming and get arrested and sokka is like.. now. now is when i should talk to her. 

- he drags her away and she’s like fuck dude i can fight my own battles and he’s like no i just.. what you were talking about.... i have something i need to tell you..... and she’s like you’re bi!! good for you, sokka, thank you for telling me. and he’s like :bi shock: no?? you’re a lesbian. anyway yes she is a lesbian they are wlw mlm solidarity. 

- there’s a filler episode where toph and yue rob a bunch of fire nation soldiers and when they get caught (after a While of these robberies) they get out of it by playing the ‘dumb rich kids’ card and run away with jewelry like.. dripping off their hands. katara makes them sell all of it except a choker necklace yue keeps that looks like a betrothal necklace but instead has an etching of a bird flying away.

- skipping again bc this is getting rly long. when zuko joins the gaang he and yue have a tentative conversation about their relationships to their nations and he’s like.. idk sounds like you needed to leave? that wasn’t an environment that you can thrive in. and she’s like but i can change it! i need to be there to change it, and i left. and he’s like well no. some things are just toxic. i went back to my nation and it was terrible. and she’s like i have a responsibility to my PEOPLE and gets mad at him and she and katara r like angry at zuko team. 

- yue’s life changing field trip with zuko is just them leaving on appa to go to a market and be normal teenagers. they both viewed each other as Fire Prince and Water Tribe Princess, but this lets them open up and realize concretely that that’s not all that they are. 

- zuko apologizes for implying that the nwt was irreparable and explains that the fire palace wasn’t something he could fix and that trying just hurt him more. yue says that part of the reason she was angry with him was because he was right and that she felt so much more herself when she was away from her home. they finally reach the conclusion together that they have to become themselves before they can hope to change their cultures for the better.

- yue comes along to boiling rock but is v much background to zukka bromance. she hangs out with suki some (lots more yue blushing oc bc suki is BUFF) and does some dumb gay fighting with mai but they’re both bad at it because yue is busy mooning over suki and mai is busy protecting ty lee.

- ember island players still say she turned into the moon >:(

[bisexualsdeservebetter]

BL is guy-on-guy Japanese media. Short for boy's love. I've watched a lot of "activists" who claim to be for LGBT people say that any guy-on-guy stuff will always fetishize gay/bi men, even if it's men who enjoy it too. BL tends to be more geared towards women, but that isn't to say men don't enjoy it either. The men who like bl/geicomi (gay comics) tend to get treated as "traitors" for their enjoyment. There's a very big cultural component with LGBT women enjoying that kind of stuff. Japanese context, I mean. There is the stereotype of women who have looked at gay/bi men as something to fulfill their shipping fodder, but I really do think that can be fixed with more socialization. And those girls thinking that's how real gay/bi men work. Unhealthy dynamics, yadda yadda. It's a matter of separating fiction from reality, I suppose? And the stereotype of those girls is them drooling over a gay couple irl, waiting for them to kiss. "Oh, this is just like one of my animes!" If I can paraphrase Hal from Metal Gear Solid. I'm summing things up and probably not doing a good job of it. Sometimes those girls are just starting to realize things about their own sexuality. Doesn't exactly excuse them, but I've seen guys get creepy about gals on that side too. Real gals, I mean. Does that make sense? While I personally wretch at the whole "male gaze theory" and stuff like that...at the end of the day, those characters are fictional. What truly matters, I think, is how you treat real people. Treat those as you wish to be treated, y'know? That's how I've gone about it. Dunno how it'll work for you, Nonny.~From an older bisexual weeb-ass woman who enjoys bl/geicomi/yuri/straight stuff and who has seen some shit since the early 2000's to the BL anon girl.

Ah, I see. Thanks for the clarification.

I mean, I don't think that women fetishising mlm relationships should just be swept under the rug like this. This sort of feels like you're just trying to say that it isn't really a problem, when it kind of is. Like I do think that some stories of people like that are exaggerated, but that doesn't mean that fetishising mlm or wlw relationships is like, an okay or good thing to do.

Basically, if you are very very invested in a group (especially a minority group) that you yourself are not a part of, why? Why are you so fascinated? What specifically is it about mlm relationships that non mlm are so invested in? Usually when it's wlw relationships being fetishised it winds up devaluing the relationship and putting it 'not on the same level' as hetero relationships. It's treated like it's just entertainment (generally for hetero men) who just think the idea of 2 women is hot even though they don't actually view that as a valid or 'real' relationship. I think that the fetishisation around mlm relationships in fandom spaces, which I usually see coming from hetero (although sometimes bi, apparently) women is kind of the same thing on a smaller scale. In a lot of fandom areas mlm relationships get treated like their only real value is as entertainment.

Frankly fetishisation of mlm and wlw relationships is just kind of another flavour of homophobia. That being said, it obviously isn't inherently fetishising for a woman to enjoy some mlm content or a man to enjoy some wlw content. It's just when it becomes like, very close to an obsession, or like the only sort of media that you're interested in that it becomes problematic.

The way the last anon described her feelings felt kind of off, and idk if I just misread or something, but it sounded like she said that even though she's a bi woman, she feels liberated by only mlm media which goes against gender norms and toxic masculinity. Well.. why not also wlw media? Why not women who go against gender norms also..?

Tldr, I'm not saying it's wrong or bad for someone to enjoy stories about people who are not the same as them, it's fine to do that. But when you become obsessed or very enamoured with a group of people that you are not a part of, you really need to ask yourself why.

[jeannereames]

Hi, Dr. Reames! I just read your take on Song of Achilles and it got me thinking. Do you think there might be a general issue with the way women are written in mlm stories in general? Because I don't think it's the first time I've seen something like this happen.

And my next question is, could you delve further into this thing you mention about modern female authors writing women? How could we, beginner female writers, avoid falling into this awful representations of women in our writing?

Thank you for your time!

[It took a while to finish this because I wrote, re-wrote, and re-wrote it. Still not sure I like it, but I need to let it go. It could be 3xs as long.]

I’ll begin with the second half of the question, because it’s simpler. How do we, as women authors, avoid writing women in misogynistic ways?

Let me reframe that as how can we, as female authors, write negative (even quite nasty) female characters without falling into misogynistic tropes? Also, how can we write unsympathetic, but not necessarily “bad” female characters, without it turning misogynistic?

Because people are people, not genders, not all women are good, nor all men bad. Most of us are a mix. If we should avoid assuming powerful women are all bitches, by the same token, some women are bitches (powerful or not).

ALL good characterization comes down to MOTIVE. And careful characterization of minority characters involves fair REPRESENTATION. (Yes, women are a minority even if we’re 51% of the population.)

The question ANY author must ask: why am I making this female character a bitch? How does this characterization serve the larger plot and/or characterization? WHY is she acting this way?

Keep characters complex, even the “bad guys.” Should we choose to make a minority character a “bad guy,” we need to have a counter example—a real counter, not just a token who pops in briefly, then disappears. Yeah, maybe in an ideal world we could just let our characters “be,” but this isn’t an ideal world. Authors do have an audience. I’m a lot less inclined to assume stereotyping when we have various minority characters with different characterizations.

By the same token, however, don’t throw a novel against the wall if the first minority character is negative. Read further to decide if it’s a pattern. I’ve encountered reviews that slammed an author for stereotyping without the reader having finished the book. I’m thinking, “Uh…if you’d read fifty more pages….” Novels have a developmental arc. And if you’ve got a series, that, too, has a developmental arc. One can’t reach a conclusion about an author’s ultimate presentation/themes until having finished the book, or series.*

Returning to the first question, the appearance of misogyny depends not only on the author, but also on when she wrote, even why she’s writing. Authors who are concerned with matters such as theme and message are far more likely to think about such things than those who write for their own entertainment and that of others, which is more typical of Romance.

On average, Romance writers are a professionalized bunch. They have national and regional chapters of the Romance Writers of America (RWA), newsletters and workshops that discuss such matters as building plot tension, character dilemmas, show don’t tell, research tactics, etc. Yet until somewhat recently (early/mid 2010s), and a series of crises across several genres (not just Romance), treatment of minority groups hadn’t been in their cross-hairs. Now it is, with Romance publishers (and publishing houses more generally) picking up “sensitivity readers” in addition to the other editors who look at a book before its publication.

Yet sensitivity readers are hired to be sure lines like “chocolate love monkey” do not show up in a published novel. Yes, that really was used as an endearment for a black man in an M/M Romance, which (deservedly) got not just the author but the publishing house in all sorts of hot water. Yet misogyny, especially more subtle misogyny in the way of tropes, is rarely on the radar.

I should add that I wouldn’t categorize The Song of Achilles as an M/M historical Romance. In fact, I’m not sure what to call novels about myths, as myths don’t exist in actual historical periods. When should we set a novel about the Iliad? The Bronze Age, when Homer said it happened, or the Greek Dark Age, which is the culture Homer actually described? They’re pretty damn different. I’d probably call The Song of Achilles an historical fantasy, especially as mythical creatures are presented as real, like centaurs and god/desses.

Back to M/M Romance: I don’t have specific publishing stats, but it should surprise no one that (like most of the Romance genre), the vast bulk of authors of M/M Romance are women, often straight and/or bi- women. The running joke seems to be, If one hot man is good, two hot men together are better. 😉 Yes, there are also trans, non-binary and lesbian authors of M/M Romance, and of course, bi- and gay men who may write under their own name or a female pseudonym, but my understanding is that straight and bi- cis-women authors outnumber all of them.

Just being a woman, or even a person in a female body, does not protect that author from misogyny. And if she’s writing for fun, she may not be thinking a lot about what her story has to “say” in its subtext and motifs, even if she may be thinking quite hard about other aspects of story construction. This can be true of other genres as well (like historical fantasy).

What I have observed for at least some women authors is the unconscious adoption of popular tropes about women. Just as racism is systemic, so is sexism. We swim in it daily, and if one isn’t consciously considering how it affects us, we can buy into it by repeating negative ideas and acting in prescribed ways because that’s what we learned growing up. If writing in a symbol-heavy genre such as mythic-driven fantasy, it can be easy to let things slip by—even if they didn’t appear in the original myth, such as making Thetis hostile to Patroklos, the classic Bitchy Mother-in-Law archetype.

I see this sort of thing as “accidental” misogyny. Women authors repeat unkind tropes without really thinking them through because it fits their romantic vision. They may resent it and get defensive if the trope is pointed out. “Don’t harsh my squee!” We can dissect why these tropes persist, and to what degree they change across generations—but that would end up as a (probably controversial) book, not a blog entry. 😊

Yet there’s also subconscious defensive misogyny, and even conscious/semi-conscious misogyny.

Much debate/discussion has ensued regarding “Queen Bee Syndrome” in the workplace and whether it’s even a thing. I think it is, but not just for bosses. I also would argue that it’s more prevalent among certain age-groups, social demographics, and professions, which complicates recognizing it.

What is Queen Bee Syndrome? Broadly, when women get ahead at the expense of their female colleagues who they perceive as rivals, particularly in male-dominated fields, hinging on the notion that There Can Be Only One (woman). It arises from systemic sexism.

Yes, someone can be a Queen Bee even with one (or two) women buddies, or while claiming to be a feminist, supporting feminist causes, or writing feminist literature. I’ve met a few. What comes out of our mouths doesn’t necessarily jive with how we behave. And ticking all the boxes isn’t necessary if you’re ticking most of them. That said, being ambitious, or just an unpleasant boss/colleague—if its equal opportunity—does not a Queen Bee make. There must be gender unequal behavior involved.

What does any of that have to do with M/M fiction?

The author sees the women characters in her novel as rivals for the male protagonists. It gets worse if the women characters have some “ownership” of the men: mothers, sisters, former girlfriends/wives/lovers. I know that may sound a bit batty. You’re thinking, Um, aren’t these characters gay or at least bi- and involved with another man, plus—they’re fictional? Doesn’t matter. Call it fantasizing, authorial displacement, or gender-flipped authorial insert. We authors (and I include myself in this) can get rather territorial about our characters. We live in their heads and they live in ours for months on end, or in many cases, years. They’re real to us. Those who aren't authors often don’t quite get that aspect of being an author. So yes, sometimes a woman author acts like a Queen Bee to her women characters. This is hardly all, or even most, but it is one cause of creeping misogyny in M/M Romance.

Let’s turn to a related problem: women who want to be honorary men. While I view this as much more pronounced in prior generations, it’s by no means disappeared. Again, it’s a function of systemic sexism, but further along the misogyny line than Queen Bees. Most Queen Bees I’ve known act/react defensively, and many are (imo) emotionally insecure. It’s largely subconscious. More, they want to be THE woman, not an honorary man.

By contrast, women who want to be honorary men seem to be at least semi-conscious of their misogyny, even if they resist calling it that. These are women who, for the most part, dislike other women, regard most of “womankind” as either a problem or worthless, and think of themselves as having risen above their gender.

And NO, this is not necessarily religious—sometimes its specifically a-religious.

“I want to be an honorary man” women absolutely should NOT be conflated with butch lesbians, gender non-conformists, or frustrated FTMs. That plays right into myths the queer community has combated for decades. There’s a big difference between expressing one’s yang or being a trans man, and a desire to escape one’s womanhood or the company of other women. “Honorary men” women aren’t necessarily queer. I want to underscore that because the concrete example I’m about to give does happen to be queer.

I’ve talked before about Mary Renault’s problematic portrayal of women in her Greek novels (albeit her earlier hospital romances don’t show it as much). Her own recorded comments make it clear that she and her partner Julie Mullard didn’t want to be associated with other lesbians, or with women much at all. She was also born in 1905, living at a time when non-conforming women struggled. If extremely active in anti-apartheid movements in South Africa, Renault and Mullard were far less enthused by the Gay Rights Movement. Renault even criticized it, although she wrote back kindly to her gay fans.

The women in Renault’s Greek novels tend to be either bitches or helpless, reflecting popular male perceptions of women: both in ancient Greece and Renault’s own day. If we might argue she’s just being realistic, that ignores the fact one can write powerful women in historical novels and still keep it attitudinally accurate. June Rachuy Brindel, born in 1919, author of Ariadne and Phaedra, didn’t have the same problem, nor did Martha Rofheart, born in 1917, with My Name is Sappho. Brindel’s Ariadne is much more sympathetic than Renault’s (in The King Must Die).

Renault typically elevates (and identifies with) the “rational” male versus the “irrational” female. This isn’t just presenting how the Greeks viewed women; it reflects who she makes the heroes and villains in her books. Overall, “good” women are the compliant ones, and the compliant women are tertiary characters.

Women in earlier eras who were exceptional had to fight multiple layers of systemic misogyny. Some did feel they had to become honorary men in order to be taken seriously. I’d submit Renault bought into that, and it (unfortunately) shows in her fiction, as much as I admire other aspects of her novels.

So I think those are the three chief reasons we see women negatively portrayed in M/M Romance (or fiction more generally), despite being written by women authors.

------------------------------------

*Yeah, yeah, sometimes it’s such 2D, shallow, stereotypical presentation that I, as a reader, can conclude this author isn’t going to get any better. Also, the publication date might give me a clue. If I’m reading something published 50 years ago, casual misogyny or racism is probably not a surprise. If I don’t feel like dealing with that, I close the book and put it away.

But I do try to give the author a chance. I may skim ahead to see if things change, or at least suggest some sort of character development. This is even more the case with a series. Some series take a loooong view, and characters alter across several novels. Our instant-gratification world has made us impatient. Although by the same token, if one has to deal with racism or sexism constantly in the real world, one may not want to have to watch it unfold in a novel—even if it’s “fixed” later. If that’s you, put the book down and walk away. But I’d just suggest not writing a scathing review of a novel (or series) you haven’t finished. 😉

[claraoswaldfics]

Halloween Night

The throbbing in her neck was the first thing Clara noticed as she woke up. The second was that she was naked. What had happened last night?

As she pushed her fringe out of her face, she noticed a trail of clothes winding their way from the door to her bed. Heels, jumper, skirt. She lifted the covers, where she discovered her bra and underwear, neither of which were still on her body. But strangest of all were the orange knee-socks on the unoccupied pillow beside her. Were they hers?

On her bedside table, her phone announced it had finished charging. That should have taken it about one and a half hours, so either there had been a power cut last night, or someone else had recently plugged it in for her. Clara looked at the screen and saw on it a message from her flatmate, Priya.

“Noticed a redhead sneaking out of your room this morning. Congrats on losing your gay virginity!” Dozens of emojis followed; huge blocks of pride flags and fireworks lit up her screen, then the message continued, “Not going to tell the group chat until you’re ready of course, but girl, I am going to need all the deets!”

There may have been more to the text, but it was then that Clara noticed the date. November first. Suddenly it all came rushing back.

 It was Halloween at Glitz.

The club itself had been dwindling for a while now and most of the cool young people had probably moved away to venues that were more ‘hip’ or ‘fresh’. The fact that Clara assumed that was still the lingo was part of why she still came to Glitz. Not often, granted. It was strictly on an annual basis now. An ersatz tradition dating back to their university days (back when they’d all briefly experimented with paganism) to dance at this increasingly outdated, overpriced discotheque every 31st of October.

Even in the rain

Clara was as usual the first to arrive. It wasn’t so much that she was always early as everyone else was always late. The whatsapp group had assured her a few hours ago that they’d be there though, so there was still a chance (however small) that they were already inside.

She flashed her ID to the bouncer, who made a point of studying it. She was 26 now, old enough to appreciate being mistaken for someone younger, but still young enough to be impatient about the delay. Or maybe it was the costume that was holding him up. Thinking about it, it must be hard to tell if someone is who they say they are when they’re dressed as Velma Dinkley.

Ever since she’d gone for a more bob-like haircut, she’d been getting a lot of comparisons to the Scooby Doo character, so it was an easy decision to lean into it for Halloween. This didn’t mean it was an easy or cheap costume – Clara Oswald never did things by half, after all. She’d been nosing around high streets and second-hand shops the last two weekends putting it together. The orange jumper was baggy but sewn so as to give a good impression of her figure. The glasses made her eyes seem even wider, and combined with the freckles she’d drawn on took five years off her face. Surprisingly it was the little red skirt that had taken her the longest to find, only appearing in a last-minute lunch-break scrabble in Oxfam, and between it and the knee-socks, she was showing a lot more thigh than she was used to.

I mean it looks damn good, she thought to herself, but it isn’t half cold…

The bouncer finally nodded her through, and soon she was enveloped by the warm haze and pounding bass of Glitz. Maybe two dozen people were on the dancefloor, jumping and swaying to a song Clara was fairly sure had come out this year, but not one she knew the name of. I’ll dance at the next one, she thought, or maybe wait until the others get here.

It seemed that almost the moment she found a seat at the bar, her phone pinged. Naomi and Ellen weren’t coming. Apparently some couple had been trying to book their wedding venue out from under them so they were resigned to staying in and shouting down a phone all evening.

That wasn’t good. Those two were the lynchpin of all group planning. It was always worth going out with Naomi and Ellen because there would always be a story the next day. This was because the drunker they got, the more they’d dare the other, and those dares usually involved even more drinking. Clara had even had to bail them out once after they got arrested for shagging on a pool table.

But without them, the group dynamic fell apart. Priya loved nothing more than when a plan got cancelled. For her it was an excuse to shrug her bra off and fall asleep in front of the tv. Clara herself only owned two bras, one good but itchy and the other comfy but old, but Priya could have five littered around the living room at any one time. She’d hidden them on one occasion to encourage future tidiness.

And Emerald, the last of the group, Clara didn’t know particularly well. She knew they kept up with Yugioh (somehow) and read PG Wodehouse, but they’d joined the group in Clara’s last term at uni and she’d had her nose too deep in books to get to know her in any great depth. No doubt they’d have put a lot of effort into some anime costume, but if it was just her and Emerald left, they wouldn’t come.

Okay Clara, it’s not too bad. Shake it off, get a cocktail in you. This night could still go well.

The two pings of doom arrived before she was even halfway through her pina colada. Two more cancellations. Urgh. This calls for a consolation drink. And make it a pint this time.

It wasn’t even nine yet and it felt like the night was over. Clara sighed audibly. Such a shame, she thought. It’s my first Halloween as an out bi woman. This should have been like gay Christmas! I had all this Sapphic energy built up inside me tonight and I’m going to waste it fingering myself in the bath reading Jane Austen again. I’m even wearing the bi flag underpants Ellen got me for my birthday!

She’d been considering the idea of a second pint for around five minutes when she got a tap at her shoulder.

“Velma!”

A jolt of electricity raced up Clara’s spine. She knew that voice, didn’t she?

She turned around in her stool just as the lights above the dancefloor shifted. The woman behind her was briefly illuminated from behind, her face a shadow, but her hair a fiery red halo. Putting a hand in front of her face for a second, Clara took in the rest of her body; a purple dress and go-go boots. Her brain rushed to piece it all together, arriving at the costume before the face.

“Daphne?” She replied, weakly.

As the lights shifted again, Clara was blessed with another view of this woman, who was somehow more dazzling out of the spotlight. She stood imposingly tall, her soft moon-like face looking kindly down on Clara. Taken altogether with her vibrant red hair, Clara felt like she was looking directly at a solar eclipse, and one she couldn’t look away from.

“Hi, I hope you don’t mind. My Shaggy’s gone off with my Scooby.” The woman smiled apologetically. “Thought I might go and make some new friends and well… the costume…”

Clara blinked. In fact she blinked rather a few times. She was still trying to process the fact that an angel had descended from heaven right in front of her.

“I beg your pardon?”

The redhead explained herself again. Clara made a note to focus on what she was saying, which, she justified, involved looking at this woman’s lips a lot.

“I did a group costume with these two guys. One was Shaggy, one was Scooby; we thought we’d come here for the night, have a few drinks, have a few laughs, but instead,” the next part of the sentence involved turning her head to shout pointedly “they’re GETTING OFF IN THE TOILETS!”

Clara let out a nervous giggle. It was a good cover for the big red wave of excitation that was coursing through her body. There was something about the way her Scottishness had just announced itself in her voice that made Clara’s thighs shudder. That woman could shout!

“Shaggy and Scooby-Doo?” Clara repeated. “The dog and the dog owner?”

“Exactly!” she bellowed. “Isn’t that mad?”

“That is so mad.” Clara nodded. Agree with everything this woman says, she thought. If she asks you to rob a bank, do it.

“And after only one drink as well!” She continued, exasperated, “They. Are. Terrible!”

“I guess that’s why they call him Shaggy?” It was a weak joke, Clara knew. And I fumbled the delivery. But frankly the fact that I managed a straight sentence around this woman is a miracle. Managing a straight anything was a challenge, to be honest.

And she laughed! She laughed at my dumb joke! I made that sound come out of her! That brogue-y Scottish cackle! Oh this is the best feeling in the world!

“I know! And that dog will do anything for a Scooby Snack!”

God, me too, thought Clara, as she unleashed a laugh a lot less cool than she hoped she would.

Ahem.

“Can I get you a drink?” Clara asked, thankful she still had any rational thoughts left.

“Ooh, yes. Rum and Coke, please.” She smiled. Such a lovely smile. “Do you have a name, or should I just call you Velma all evening?”

“Only if I can call you Daphne” Clara replied with a grin, signalling to the barman. This was a bit of damage control. It was suave and flirty, but she’d missed the window to introduce herself properly, or find out this charming redhead’s name.

“Oh, you want to play that game, do you?” Clara braced herself for the next word, as the redhead’s lips formed around it. “Velma.”

Beads of sweat started to form under her jumper. It was then that Clara realised where she’d heard that sexy Scottish brogue before…

The kissogram from Naomi and Ellen’s engagement!

Six months on and I’m just as flustered.

The drinks came and Clara positively snatched hers off the table. As long as her mouth was occupied with alcohol, she had more time to think. And as always, Clara, try and play it off as glamorous and mysterious.

The more strategic side of Clara’s brain spoke up; so you know who she is, but she doesn’t know who you are. What does that mean? You know what she does for a living – is that an okay thing to bring up? Does the fact that she hasn’t recognised me yet mean my costume is too good…

…or was that kiss unmemorable?

She chanced a look. The woman in the Daphne costume was nursing her rum and coke, but her eyes were still fixed on her over the rim of her glass.

Right. So what if she didn’t remember that kiss. It was half a year ago and in her line of work she couldn’t be expected to remember everyone she’d ever kissed. Clara could hardly do that herself. What it meant was that Clara could make another first impression. A confident, in-control one.

“Miss Blake.” She congratulated herself on remembering that scrap of Scooby Doo trivia.

“Is that Daphne’s last name?” The redhead half-giggled. “I’m sorry, I haven’t watched Scooby Doo since I was a wee bairn.”

Aha! The strategic part of her brain roared into force again. I know more about Scooby Doo than her! I can leverage this to my advantage… somehow! Strategy brain realised it should probably shut up for a bit, and that the reason it had been allowed to think so long without interruption was because the rest of her brain was once again cooing at the Scottish turn of phrase.

“So why Daphne, then?”

“It was a group costume with a bunch of friends, but there were a few no-shows, you know?”

Clara made a gesture to the four people who were definitely not standing next to her “I do know.”

“Between you and me, I’d have quite liked to come as Velma.”

The seriously unstrategic part of Clara’s brain practically roared: Come into the bathroom with me! We can swap clothes right now!

She continued. “besides, what other characters are there to dress up as, as a tall ginger woman?”

Jessica Rabbit, said Clara’s brain.

“Jessica Rabbit” said Clara.

Oh shit, said Clara’s brain.

“Naughty” she chided. “But I don’t think so. Not two years in a row, anyway.”

Oh shit, said Clara’s brain again, but with purpose (and without vocalisation). This is definitely flirting! This could go well! I haven’t made an embarrassing mess of myself!

Tonight, I’m going to rock her world.

“Would you like to take a seat?”

High on her own hubris, Clara hadn’t noticed the seats either side of her were taken. Um…

“I’d love to.”

Sirens blared in Clara’s head as ‘Daphne’ draped one arm over Clara’s back and slid both her indigo tight-clad legs over Clara’s until she was Sitting! In! Her! Lap!

“Oh, you don’t mind, do you?”

In a moment, all of Clara’s newfound confidence melted and words stuck in her throat. Clara worried for a moment maybe her nose was bleeding, or her entire lower body had turned to steam, or worse, that her damn traitor face might be giving Amy some reason to stop sitting on her.

“Oh, not at all.”

THINK OF SOMETHING TO SAY!

“So…”

SOMETHING WITTY, FLIRTY AND MAYBE TO DO WITH HER COSTUME!

“Daphne…”

HERE WE GO! SHOOT YOUR SHOT!

“Would you like to get in the van with me?”

THE VAN???

“The van?”

“The um… the mystery machine.”

“Oh, the van from the show”

“Yes”

“So you want me to get in the Scooby Doo van with you?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have a van?”

“No.”

“But you just invited me to your van.”

“Yes.”

Clara blinked a few times while her brain rebooted.

“It’s a metaphorical van.”

“And what exactly is it a metaphor for?”

“I don’t know.”

“Truly, this is one mysterious machine.”

“…Yes.”

A few mortifying seconds later, her strategic brain came back online. As did her non-strategic brain. They both made this noise: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

The Daphne impersonator slid her legs off Clara and stood crouched at eye-level.

“Look, can I propose something?” asked the redhead “Instead of you trying to entice me out of the club, into a dirty alley, and into the back of your metaphorical van, why don’t we just get a taxi back to my place?”

Clara fell off her seat.

“Oh my God, your little flustered face!” She belly laughed. “Oh we are going to have such a lot of fun tonight! Come on, Clara.”

Their hands touched as the redhead reached down to help her up. In all future memories of this moment, it seemed to Clara like she was in Michelangelo’s The Creation of Adam. Any hints of the reality, that a wide-eyed, shakey-legged sex-addled Scooby Doo cosplayer was being picked off the floor of a bar, were quickly purged from her mind by a greater realisation.

“You know my name.”

“Of course I do. I don’t get to snog many girls in my line of work.” She winked “And I make a note of the cute ones. I’m Amy.”

Clara nearly fell to the floor again.

But Amy kept her on her feet, one arm pulling her whole body to her.

“How about we get you into that taxi, I let you calm down for a little bit, and then you and I can get to know each other, okay?”

A sigh of relief from Clara; this was going well at last!

“Okay.”

“And then after that we can make out a little and I’ll put my hands up your jumper, sound good?”

“Oh God yes.”

 END OF PART 1

[mocacheezy]

I was able to get an old portable dvd player (thank you parents of the past, it is much appreciated in the year of '21, and thank you sister for keeping it somewhere we could find it) and after buying the cable and charging it, I started watching that Transformers dvd I got some time ago.

Turns out its TF Generations, so we're watching "through the cube" which alright, nice to get the nostalgia going for the parents, while also getting the attention of the kids with the constant rotating scene from scene. Kind of annoying for me but hey, that's just my attention problems.

It has two episodes: More Than Meets the Eye, Part 3 and Auto Berserk and here's my thoughts on the dubbing:

I actually missed dubbing from my childhood, and the fact Soundwave, Spike, Red Alert and Mirage have female VAs brings me intense amounts of joy. I didn't even know I will be so happy to hear this old, somewhat crappy dubbing. I missed it and didn't even know it.

The crowd cheers are pathetic just as I remember them XD

"Ti ne bi mogel voditi androidov na piknik." alright, alright, nice change of a joke that doesn't translate, but that means Megatron (and other Cons probably) discriminate against androids.

The "Transform and roll out! " sounds... strange. Then again it is a dub and I didn't watch this as a kid XD

The way slovene is spoken has me smile and cringe because it sounds so formal but it actually isn't. It might also be the way language evolved. It could also be my lack of watching dubs for a long long time.

Za slovenski folk: "Spremenite se, pa pojdimo!". Ta "Pa pojdimo" me ubije. Uporabili so ga samo enkrat, "Spremenite se" pa je prisoten pri skoraj vsakem transformiranju, ampak tisti resni glas s takim stavkom XD

In total I think there are 3 guys and 1 girl dubbing this. I guess this is similar to what we have today, with the difference the old folks DON'T try to change their pitch... I think. Multiple characters have the same VA amd you can clearly tell it's the same one. (I also think there might be two girls in the new dub group, but I'm not sure).

I wonder why, aside from musicians and comedians, we don't have more voice actors??? Or trained voice actors?

I have no place to really talk, because giving voice to characters is an art, and not everyone can be Frank Welker. So unless I myself go into the dub buisness, I am keeping my mouth shut and congratulating the dubbers.

10 for the effort and execution

(even if the older gen knew how to make falling on the ground sound more realistic. Yes I am still not over Cyberverse Windblade being yeeted across the desert and her screaming and grunting so softlya when she bounces off the floor. But as I said, being a VA is tough work and my nostalgia might also be affecting my viewing of the newer stuff)

So to wrap up the dub experience:

and down here are some of my thought process while watching the two episodes:

who was going to tell me that G1 Prime has a blue underside of his crotch plate? How come I never saw that anywhere?? This has so much potential and jokes about interface difficulties, if I don't find at least one joke in a crackfic about it I will be disapointed.

I love Optimus' head shape and finials, he looks adorable.

I'll watch G1 eventually, but if Spike really does write in his diary about how Optimus would make a good president I am high fiving the lil bastard.

You know you are in too deep when you see a 2D warlord and can't stop smiling. Bitch, I don't even fully know you but BY FUCK do I love the design and mannerisms!!! OG Megatron, 10/10, and I may be biased because childhood dubbing, but they picked a good VA for him.

Great VA choice for Starscream too! And he is very pretty as well, damn, I can see why people love G1 even without nostalgia!

Ravage, what can I say. Good casette. (Also love how he doesn't speak to the Autobots, but comms Megatron)

SPEAKING OF TALKING: Skywarp requesting permission to teleport and his interaction with Megs made me smile so much LOOK AT HIM, LOOK AT OUR TELEPORTING BOY!!! He shoots for shit, is awful at it, but look at him go!

Unicron singularity might be the answer to why Ironhide and Bluestreak can fly, but I'm not sure.

In any case I love how Optimus speaks to Ironhide, it's great. Heck, the Autobots dynamic and interactions are great. I can see why people say Optimus is a dad, or why they talk about how the Autobots are like a family.

Also we see slow motion of how OP transforms and I adore it!

And how he acts too! He is stubborn and it takes multiple attempts to persuade him from sacrificing himself/trying to do his duty as a leader when it's too dangerous. He listens to his friends and soldiers, but isn't hapoy about it. He acknowledges the risk.

Back to blue underside crotch however: IT'S JUST A BLUE LIL SQUARE UNDER ALL THAT WHITE! WHAT PURPOSE DOES IT SERVE ASIDE FROM BEING PRIME'S LIL GARAGE??? COME ON! COME ON!! A blue trussy, I mean tfp had a bikini situation going on, but G1 Prime has just a tiny rectangle/square! I don't even know the shape but it's BLUE ON WHITE CAN IT STAND OUT EVEN MORE??? (And here I thought the Megatron toy and the trigger crotch were bad XD)

Seeing Starscream manipulate Red Alert had me smiling. Look at this tri colori squeak toy jet. Being his eviiil self.

Seeing how Megatron interacts with his other Cons is just hilarious. He is a TERRIBLE boss if you make a misstep. So mean! ...Then again, he is bent on destroying the autobots if he can't get to Cybertron first, so *shrugs* the guy can be a lil frustrated I suppose. He does pick on Screamer alot however, and the dynamic of these two has me understand MegaStar much better.

They are a bickering old couple that joke about how they'll kill eachother, but never go fully through with it. Must be true love~

All in all, glad I got that dvd. Megatron has screen time in it, the animation is ridiculously pretty in that old show way and even if the episodes were probably selected at random for the dvd it was interesting to watch.

I love it. Can't wait to watch G1 when my brain allows it, and I will forever wonder if actual G1 was also dubbed fully.

[danceworshipper]

Since it's pride month and a lot of people seem to be doing this, I thought I'd share my headcanons for the hphm characters' sexualities. Many people have views that differ from mine, so I'm interested to see if anyone agrees with me. (long post)

Merula was the first character that, upon meeting, I knew immediately. She's very clearly a lesbian to me, though after interacting with her more, I added on a demi aspect to her. She finds girls attractive and beautiful, but crushes are hard for her to have and sexual feelings toward them are even harder, though they do come eventually. Her supposed crush on Jacob in the game is stupid and I'm ignoring it entirely.

Rowan took longer to figure out, especially deciding that male and female would be different. In one of my universes, they exist at the same time, so I felt like they shouldn't be the same. In the end, I decided that male Rowan would be gay (the Bill attraction was very obvious) and female Rowan would be bi, because she was still attracted to Bill but her and a female mc had a lot of chemistry too.

Ben was easy for me. Ben I feel is straight, completely straight, never even questioned it. I know a lot of people feel differently, but he's never given me any sort of gay vibes, and during year six (my main mc is a girl) when he starts needing to be a "protector" he came off as one of those "nice guys" which made me decide that yes, he is straight and he sucks and I hate him.

Penny actually changed semi-recently when Quidditch dropped. I had always seen her as mostly straight with maybe a bicurious aspect, but then seeing her obvious crush on Skye zipped her into full bisexual territory. I do feel like she still has attraction to guys, and in one universe she ends up with my male mc, but the girl side became very apparent very quickly and I liked it.

Bill is bi to me. He was bi from the first moment he was introduced in the books - in fact, until Fleur came along, I was leaning towards gay for him. In the game he gives off more straight vibes, but even then I can see him trying to banish the gay thoughts before figuring out that he can be attracted to both. Bad taste though, I mean Emily Tyler? Really?

Charlie is not aroace to me, and he never has been. I know that's a widely accepted headcanon but I really can't see it. He seems more the type to bury his feelings away and never act on them unless the girl figures it out and acts for him, since I see him rather shy in that regard. I think he's straight but nervous, perhaps a late bloomer like me (I was never attracted to anyone until I was 12, much later than anyone I know).

Ismelda I feel is also straight. She was a pretty easy decision after the Crushed side quest, because I never thought about her very much before so I just accepted the straightness without question. It could have been cool for her to be lesbian and to have mc help her accept herself, but that's not the way the game went and I don't feel like coming up with an excuse as to why she would be so obsessed with Barnaby if she was gay.

Barnaby, likewise, is straight, though at one point he decided to figure out if guys were on the table too. They weren't, but he's glad he gave it a chance. Unlike Ben, even though Barnaby is tough and wants to protect people, he doesn't give me "nice guy" vibes, instead giving off "genuinely nice guy" vibes. He's a very strong ally and never judges anyone on who they love.

Andre is gay as hell. I know the whole gays into fashion thing is a stereotype, but Andre fits it so well that I have to roll with it. I also think that he tried to pretend he wasn't gay because he knew about the stereotype and hated it, but later on realized that it didn't matter if he was a stereotype or not. He was who he was and there was no point trying to change it.

Talbott, like Penny, had a change somewhere along the way. From his first appearance, I pinned him down as straight, but after interacting with him more, an asexualness became pretty apparent to me. He has romantic attraction toward girls, but he's pretty happy never doing anything sexual ever. Cuddles are wonderful, though. Poor touched starved boy.

Chiara I feel is pansexual. I wanted to keep her straight, but after she became an official friend and we got to see more of her, that just wasn't possible. She very clearly has a big heart and I can no longer see her as straight. Pansexuality seemed better than bi in her case because I can see her loving based on personality with the physical attraction not mattering as much.

Tulip is someone that I had a hard time deciding on. She gives off strong lesbian vibes but also very strong straight vibes. The obvious solution here would be to make her bi or pan, but those didn't feel right. I felt as though she was someone who had to be one or the other. In the end, I made her both - in some universes she's a lesbian, and in some she's straight. Either way, she's very vocal about who she likes so if she has a crush on you, you'll know.

Tonks was tough. I really wanted to make her anything other than straight, but nothing fit her. In the end, I gave in and made her "straight". The quotation marks are because she likes guys, but she ends up being pretty androgynous and doesn't care what pronouns anyone uses for her. Plenty of people she works with as an Auror use male pronouns, and Tonks is perfectly fine with it. Sometimes, she even changes her voice to sound more masculine.

Diego was very, very easy. The first two words that popped into my head when I met him were "horny bastard" and the feeling still sticks, which translates into him being pan. Girl? Boy? Neither? Both? Doesn't matter. He's single and desperate to mingle.

Jae was gay to me for a long time, but then when I created Quinn ( @pixiefreakquinn ) he was the only one I could see her having chemistry with. This was a very annoying little dilemma for a while, but in the end, he became very similar to myself, only inverted: he's bi, but he's way more into guys than girls. He's so much more into guys that it could be easy to mistake him for gay, and even he sometimes thinks he might be, but then there's a certain girl that he ends up being into and he's bi again.

Badeea struck me as someone that would be interesting to make gay, but as much as that could have been fun, I can't see her that way. Perhaps like Barnaby she gave it a chance, and it didn't work out. She likes guys, but she's comfortable in her sexuality and is able to recognize when a girl is attractive without worrying someone will think she's gay. She's someone who doesn't care what people think of her.

Liz is my aroace out of them all. She strikes me as someone who faked having crushes on boys to try and fit in, even though she never liked any of them. She wondered if maybe she was a lesbian, but she never had any crushes on any girls either. As she got older she cared less and less on why she never liked anyone like that and eventually she forgot attraction was supposed to be a thing she experienced. She's that cool aunt that brings weird gifts and tells stories from her various "vacations".

Orion feels pretty straight to me. Again, he's someone who could have been interesting to make gay, but he doesn't feel like he could be. He's an ally, and has been even before he really knew what gay meant. In his first years on the Quidditch team, one on the older kids was gay and when they got picked on for it, Orion defended them without hesitation, because his team is his family. He could figure out what gay was later.

Skye was going to be straight until I ended up shipping her with Penny despite hating her. However, I also love the idea of Penny having a huge crush but Skye just doesn't feel that way. So like Tulip, she's different in different universes. In some, she's a lesbian and with Penny, and in some, she's straight and stomps on Penny's heart.

Murphy I feel is bi. I love the idea of him and male Rowan pining for each other and being oblivious, but I can also see him with a girl. At first, he tried to ignore his attraction to boys because that would just be another way he would be different, but after he became the commentator and made some good friends his confidence grew and he stopped trying to fit in.

Erika is lesbian to me, though that might have been influenced partly from me thinking "yeah she could step on me". I tried to give her being straight a chance, but the big strong sports lesbian idea appealed to me way too much. Plus, it fits with her whole attitude of "defy me and get destroyed". Maybe that's why she and Andre end up being friends even if they're on different Quidditch teams - they recognized the gay in each other subconsciously.

And very quickly, my mcs:

Gracie Chiva: bi

Tessa Chiva: straight

Sarah Etsysa: lesbian

Oliver Adams: pan

Liam Disteel: straight

Quinn: bicurious, ends up straight

[plum-pudding-and-honey]

THE TIME WAR

The Starship of Theseus - 4.5/5 : What the hell? So that was confusing but in a good way. And that feels exactly like the Time War should be so kudos for that. I'm curious about Sheena-Emma-Louise, I wonder if we'll hear more from her (in an alternate timeline kind of way - i don't know?). I'm just not very convinced by the trolls, I don't understand how/where they exist but they're not really important so that's ok. I don't have an opinion yet on Bliss but she seems to be kind of a badass which you would really need to be in the Time War so good for her.

Echoes of War - 4/5 : god Time Lords don't muck about : I felt really bad for those little monkey guys. My dislike of Ollistra is greater than ever. Dal was interesting, his struggle felt real and the way Bliss has to take charge although she really has no idea what she's doing was also interesting. Also I'm loving Rupa, she's so sweet, but her husband feels very clingy. There were maybe too many characters to keep tracks on but the Time War vibe here is also very well done.

The Conscript - 5/5 : Sass!Eight at his finest, bless him. And now I really want a range at the Academy with the Doctor being an unsufferable trouble maker. I'm having trouble deciding if I like Tamasan or not, Ollistra is definitely on my black list (although I love the way she talks, it's creepy). The two recruits (whose names I've already forgotten) were interesting : both idealistic and eager in very different ways which get them both killed : what is the right thing to do then? I liked that grey area there.

One Life - 2.5/5 : Noooo! I hate when people turn out to be weapons, it's like with River Song. I mean I really liked Quarren and they could have still made him a Time Lord in disguise because I really liked that bit and how it echoes what will happen to the Doctor in the future. But I don't know he could have been a very important general or a scientist or whatever but NOT a weapon that can rewrite history because that's just way too much. So I'm very disappointed. Also I got distracted several times during the episode without it preventing me from understanding what was happening so that's generally not a good sign. And the temporal changed in the Starship of Theseus weren't due to Quarren, it was still the Time War and they still happened, right? I'm a bit confused now

The Lords of Terror - 3/5 : I don't really understand Bliss' reaction - if I'd been her, I would have been PISSED. I mean she's obviously upset but compared to what the Time Lords did to her and her world, it seemed a bit underwhelming. Anyway, this episode had a nice vibe to it and the twist that the villains here are not the Daleks but the Time Lords was well handled. I'm disappointed with the protector : she could have been a great antagonist or an allie when she finds out what the Time Lords plan to do but she's just stupid (I mean sure, the Time Lords are not good guys but thinking that the Daleks could actually help? Really?)

Planet of the Ogrons - 5/5 : Two minutes after she appeared and I was already in love with the Twelve. And I love the way she tells the Doctor off, as well as her previous selves, she's great! Also loved the Ogron!Doctor and all the little references (WHO AM I??? - Fred - "A tear, Bliss?" - "I don't wanna go"), I'm happy he's well and I hope we'll see more of him.

In the Garden of Death - 3/5 : There's something that bothers me with this episode. What were the daleks looking for? I have the impression that either I missed something or there was something missing, I don't know. The amnesia was a good idea, in the Twelve's case at least (it's very old with Eight at this point) and in how her other selves took advantage of it. I'm also quite intrigued with the ending and what is supposed to be inside of her : is it just inherent to this regeneration or was it there all along? And like, you know, what is it?

Jonah - 4.5/5 : I'm not gonna lie there, for a minute, I thought that Eight was amesiac AGAIN and I was about to be pissed. So I quite liked this episode - the submarine atmosphere, the search for a mysterious force, the dalek threat, the Doctor still refusing to be a soldier and refusing to make difficult decisions and the way it echoes with NOTD. I also liked the mystery about the Twelve and I hope we'll get to see her again.

State of Bliss - 5/5 : Bliss sends me huge Clara vibes. But like, if Clara had been written decently. It was nice to get to know more about her and about how she ended up on the Theseus but just like most of Eight's companions, her life and her timeline are completely fucked up. Also she's canonically bi or pan and I think we should be talking more about this : she's the third canonically bi companion with Fitz and Liv, so big kudos for that.

The Famished Lands 4/5 : i'm starting again this range after a long pause and this was a nice episode, not too complicated and which still explores the consequences of the time war. And this is horryfying! But I like that Eight tries to help and I'm liking Bliss more and more. But I really don't like the end and the Time Lords' plans for the Doctor.

Fugitive in Time - 3.5/5 : The Helixara and Shonath's story was interesting (another proof of the Time Lords' assholery) and I liked that she chose not to trust the Daleks despite everything that the Time Lords did to her and it makes Tamasan's treason even harder even if it wasn't surprising in the slightest. Shonath was clever but I could have done with less whining to be honest. And Eight is at his best and it kinda scares me for the next episode

The War Valeyard - 4/5 : Huh what? Sooo I'm not really into the Valeyard but I couldn't help but feel bad for this version (and he's as sassy as Eight, I mean : "Halt! Do not move" "I know what halt means" Ok, yeah I kinda love him now) This episode was a bit hard to follow but I can't wait to get the fourth boxset now.

Palindrome - 4.5/5 : So this was something huge. You have to feel at least some sympathy for alternate!Davros and his wife (while also calling him an idiot). I absolutely LOVE the construction of this episode, the palindrome, I love the tragedy of it, because of course you know this isn't gonna end well, and yeah, this is also slightly terrifying. Only thing that bugged me a bit was the second part felt a bit long sometimes

Dreadshade - 3/5 : That was a bit disappointing. I was looking forward to seeing the Twelve and the General again but it all felt a bit ... underwhelming. Still it was interesting to see the aftermath of the War Valeyard from Gallifrey's point of view

Restoration of the Daleks - 3.5/5 : the Daleks are at war with each other - again, which turns out be to rather good news for the Doctor. On the other hand, the Time Lords are not complete bastards for once (that sounds fake but ok), I mean even Tamasan is nice (and I'm still waiting for Eight to snap at her for what she did to Shonath but whatever). It just all feels a bit anticlimactic somehow. And God we don't need Rasmus hitting on Bliss thank you very much (I really hope she won't do like Leela and choose to stay on Gallifrey after what the Time Lords did to her planet). As for the end reveal ... I thought it was Emma, which would have been super interesting and new, while secretly hoping it would be Lucie (because I'm still not over it, ok?) and dreading it would be River. So I wasn't AT ALL expecting this ("after all he's family" --> I might have screamed internally 'NOOOOOO IT'S ALEEEEEX' at this point). So I suppose we'll have another Time War boxset? Or maybe they'll tie this up in the Susan boxset (which would annoy me to be honest)

Overall opinion : I have to admit I really wasn't on board at first. Maybe because I find the Time War way too complicated (and the ridiculous number of TW ranges with BF is CRAZY people, no way I'm keeping up with all this) but I really warmed up with this range and I'm glad I gave it a shot (several shots actually). I like the atmosphere of it in the first boxset, I like the grey areas : Daleks are pure evil, there's no doubts about that, but the Time Lords are not all good or all bad (which we already knew) and I like how it is addressed here. I've also warmed up a lot to Bliss and her complicated timeline and, yeah, I would definitely listen to more episodes with her.

[one-boring-person]

Who's Side Are You On? (Part Five)

Terminator (1984) reader insert

Warnings: homophobia (I hated writing these parts), mentions of violence, bad language

Context: (Y/n) is trying to get to grips with what is happening.

A/N: This is kinda a bit like a filler chapter, so enjoy, I guess! (I'm really sorry for the homophobic parts, I do not agree with any of the views expressed by the character showing this trait.)

Masterlist

Red welts are already forming around my wrists as I pull on the tight handcuffs holding my hands together, my jaw clenching in frustration as the superintendent before me taps away at a keyboard. As she works, her mouth opens into a gaping yawn, which she barely manages to stifle, her entire attitude that of lethargy and fatigue, despite the multiple bottles of high-sugar drinks littering the desk in front of her, which she has most likely consumed. Every so often, she looks up at me, sending me glances of disgust as she takes in my bruised face and gaunt features, my head still slightly woozy after my blackout earlier, though my mind is alive with thoughts of the whereabouts of the Terminator currently on the loose, somewhere in civilisation.

Totally unaware of the reason why I'm here, in a foreign building, being questioned by some grumpy police worker, tied to a chair, I continue trying to wrench myself free, gritting my teeth as I feel my skin split slightly on my right wrist, a thin line of blood slowly making it's way down my palms and to my fingers, thankfully leaving the new clothes that were given to me clean. When they pulled me inside, a woman handed me a pile of spare clothes, which just so happened be another police uniform, but one that actually fits this time, my bruises and cuts quickly cleaned up, though the branded barcode on my wrist gave them all pause for thought, my obviously unusual way of speaking odd to them, the terms I use sounding alien to their ears. Even now, I'm getting strange looks from the people around us, so much so that the lady ahead of me gives me another harsh stare.

"Can you keep it down? I don't want you drawing attention to me, freak." She spits at me, though i only frown and lift an eyebrow.

"I'll do what I want, i don't take orders from those lower in rank than me." I respond, looking over her soft curves and feminine figure with a slightly critical eye.

"Lower in rank? What kind of talk is that?" She scoffs, rolling her eyes and taking a drink from a mug on the desk.

"Tactical talk. You just don't know it." I laugh dryly, "Not that you ever will; you'd never fit in."

I don't mean to come across as rude, only honest, but from her sudden angry expression, I can tell I've upset her.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, freak?" She bites out, venomously, scowling at me.

I lock eyes with her, staring her down until she looks away, knowing that I won't reply to her demands until she treats me with a little less disdain, my completely different build and mentality giving her the answers she needs, in any case. Where she is all soft curves and a thin layer of puppy fat, I'm hard edges and well-used muscle, my mind sharpened and honed into a battle-trained state, always thinking tactically and strategically.

"Anyway, you're one to talk about "not fitting in" and all." She sneers, returning her gaze to her keyboard as she starts tapping again, pointedly ignoring me when I frown.

Somewhere behind us, a man calls out a name, "Amber" to be precise, which makes the woman across from me look up, a brief expression of surprise crossing her features as he then commands her to go to him, leaving me unattended for the time being. Slumping back into my chair, I watch her gather up a notebook and pens, before she steps away, going to whoever called for her attention, but not until she's shot me a scathing look, first. Grinning crookedly back at her, I decide to observe the room around me, starting with her desk, where I notice that there is a photograph pinned to the lampshade, the image depicting two people, one of whom is the woman named Amber, the other another woman I don't recognise, the two of them in beautiful, long, flowing pearly white dresses, broad smiles adorning their faces as they stand before a tall building, a group of people lingering in the background with equally broad smiles on their faces. Underneath the image, a date is written, followed by the words "Until Death Do Us Part" in neat, cursive handwriting, which I find oddly morbid, the words resounding dully in my head as I read them over. Frowning to myself, I tear my gaze away from he picture, looking to the bin placed just beside her desk, where a curling piece of crumpled paper is just visible, the writing on it legible enough for me to read: "I hope death does part you two, but I doubt even the devil will take people as foul as you." My body tightens as I read this, growling to myself as I realise why she was so tense earlier, a feeling of terrible guilt biting at my throat as I realise how harsh my words will have seemed.

Looking around, I spot a young man watching me, the guy leaning across to whisper something into the ear of the woman beside him, both of whom start laughing as they continue staring at me, though they quickly stop when they see me staring, though my eyes are fixed on something completely different. A note is stuck to the lampshade in his desk, the handwriting matching that of the writing on the note in the bin, giving away the sender of the vile words instantly. Cocking my head I make a quick decision.

"Hey, you! I need a drink of water or something, can you get me some?" I call out to him, giving him the sweetest smile I can muster for a sick creature like him. He furrows his brow momentarily, before smirking and standing, going to get me a cup of water from the dispenser a little way away, bringing it over to me and helping me take a sip of it.

Drinking a large mouthful, I swill it round my mouth, before suddenly spitting it back out again, all over his shirt, drawing a shout of surprise and disgust from him.

"What the fuck was that for?!" He snaps at me, using one of his hands to wipe at the mess, glaring at me.

"Being a homophobic piece of shit." I snarl back at him, spitting at him again, only to duck my head down as he throws the remaining water into my face.

"Gay people do not deserve to exist, it is wrong and disgusting-" He starts before I cut him off.

"Oh, just like you then?" I fix him with a stare, "One day the most powerful people in the world will be homosexual people, and you will learn, too late, that you have disrespected the wrong community. No one wants to help fuckers like you."

"Listen here, you little bi-" Once again, the man is cut off, but this time it is by a resounding crash, the force of which makes the floor tremble. Instantly, a few people stand, the men reaching for the guns at their belts, the sight of which causes me to panic; I can't switch here, not now, not this close to so many people...

As I hear the first gunshots, however, I know it is already too late.

Part Six

[the-evil-authoress]

GX Month Day 8: “The Power of Friendship!”

Favorite dynamic duo, two characters you think would have been friends if only they met, how friendship saves the day, or maybe a friendship fail. It’s up to you!

HERE. Have some super self indulgent hot springs shenanigans feat. my favorite trio! =D

“This is amazing...” Jesse groans, rolling his head against the rocks as he sinks into the indulgently warm water. It’s a bone deep warmth, chasing away any stress or aches and rendering his mind blissfully numb.

“Never been to one?”

It takes a moment to process Jaden’s words. “Don’t have ‘em back home,” he mumbles, shaking the pleasant fog out of his head just enough to formulate the sentence. “Wish we did. Feels like heaven.” He sinks a little further, practically boneless mush, before a nagging little thought drags him out of the bliss. “Å, where’s Chris? There aren’t dividers for privacy.” He rolls his head toward his companion.

“She’s around here somewhere,” Jaden says, eyes still closed as he leans against the rocks, completely unconcerned. Well, the two had spoken like they come here often so Jesse probably shouldn’t worry about it.

A sharp trill followed by a splash catches his attention. Not far away, Ruby paddles through the water, ripples parting around her. “What?” Jesse sits up abruptly.

“Oh, yeah.” Jaden snickers as Jesse stares at the contradiction to everything he knows about duel spirits. “Out here duel spirits can interact with nature more than usual. Chris said it’s something about the high concentration of natural energy.”

“Å?” There are too many question from that sentence alone for Jesse to pretend it makes sense.

“Oh, well, I guess it’s the reason Christina can see duel spirits?” Jaden says thoughtfully. “She can see a lot of things most people can’t, some things even we can’t.” A hand motions between himself and Jesse. “She can see a person’s-- what’s it called...? Not soul.” Voice dropping, he mutters to himself as he bites a thumb nail. “Energy of the body?”

“Aura!” Dark Magician Girl pops up without warning, and only having seven of his own spirits that like to pop up unannounced keeps Jesse from startling too badly. “She can see a person’s aura,” Dark Magician Girl continues eagerly. “And she’s pretty in tune with the flow of natural energy through the world; it’s why she can always spot the bad guy!”

“Aura?” The term sounds vaguely familiar. “Like a person’s soul?”

Dark Magician Girl shakes her head. “No, she can’t see your actual soul, it’s more like the light given off by your soul.”

Jesse blinks. Was that supposed to make sense?

Humming, Dark Magician Girl pressed a finger to her lips in thought. “Think of it this way,” she finally says, pintling to the sky. “You can’t look at the sun directly but you can still see the light it produces.”

“Å.” Still not sure how that relates to aura and soul light.

“Yeah, I never really understood it either.” Jaden offers a sympathetic grin.

Dark Magician Girl visually pouts before snapping her fingers with an, “Aha! Those lamp thingies you humans use for light! You put a lampshade over the bulb so you can’t see the bulb anymore, but you can still see its light! It’s like that!”

“So the bulb would be a person’s soul and the...” Oh, frick. How does he say this in Japanese?

Undeterred, Dark Magician Girl nods proudly. “Your actual soul is obscured by your physical body but we can still ‘see’ its essence - that is aura.”

Okay, that makes enough sense that Jesse can understand. He gets the feeling that it isn’t as simple as ‘seeing light around a person’, but he can probably ask Christina for more detail about it later.

“She can always tell what kind of mood you’re in too. I swear it’s almost like she can read your mind sometimes!” Jaden laughs.

“I can’t read your mind.” Jesse jerks to the sound of Christina’s voice, heat rising to his cheeks. The young woman stands waist deep in the water, her hair twisted up into a pile atop her head and one arm crossed over her chest to obscure it from view. Should he be looking right now? The polite thing would be to look away, right? She’s got some nice curves hidden under the baggy uniform... “I’ve just gotten really good at guessing what’s going on in there.” Christina pokes Jaden in the forehead, then sinks into the steam and frothy water on his other side and lets her arm fall away.

“Oh, hey! You did decide to join us!” Jaden beams as if there’s nothing remotely out of place with the situation. Is he that dense, or is Jesse missing a vital piece of information here? “Took ya a few months to be okay around Syrus, and you still haven’t come out around Hassleberry.”

The water ripples as Christina shrugs. “Hassleberry’s harder to read. I think it’s that fossil in his leg. Alters the aura. And Mana abandoned me so...” She stretches her arms, cracking her knuckles before settling against the rocks.

“Mana?” Jesse repeats with confusion, deciding that’s the safest option of the numerous questions he now has. Who has a fossil in their what?

“Me!” Dark Magician Girl giggles. “Like the royal magician of Pharaoh Set’s court!” she bounces in the air.

“It was easier than always calling her Dark Magician Girl.”

That makes about as much sense as it can, so Jesse nods and lets the lull of the toasty water claim him again. ‘Mana’ has wandered off when he looks up again, and Jaden leans comfortably against Christina’s shoulder.

“So I’ve been wonderin’...”

“No,” Christina answers immediately without even looking at Jesse, while Jaden turns a curious glance. In the confused silence that follows, she turns to look at him, the side of her chin bumping against the top of Jaden’s head. “Syrus asked the same thing first year. No, we’re not.” Which is not a terribly compelling argument when the side of her face is leaning against the top of his head, but at least she looked him in the eyes this time.

“Mm.” Jaden shifts against Christina’s shoulder, settling into a more comfortable position. “Geez, why do people keep thinking that?”

I dunno know, maybe cuz...that, Jesse thinks, slightly bewildered by the fact that Jaden finds absolutely nothing odd about his and Christina’s current position. Christina herself looks accustomed to the action, but Jaden appears downright oblivious. “You two seem pretty comfortable with each other,” Jesse says aloud.

“Well, yeah. We’ve known each other for years,” Jaden grins. “We used to take baths together when we were little, and kinda just kept washing each other’s backs ever since.”

The amused snort Christina gives in response tells Jesse there’s definitely a story behind that one. “And your parents were okay with that?”

“They were never home much,” Jaden shrugs and glances off as if in complete disinterest of the topic, but Jesse can see a story there too.

“And it never got awkward?”

Jaden blinks up at him with the absolute most sincere look of confusion Jesse has ever seen on a human being. “No?”

“Jay’s asexual,” Christina sighs as she tips her head back and sinks further into the water. Jaden emits a displeased noise at the shift of his pillow but sits up rather than try to adjust.

“Ah.” That explains a lot, actually. And now is probably a bad time to admit that he doesn’t actually have a preference. He can hear the Crystal Beasts snickering from the changing room. Y’all can just be quiet.

“Probably biromantic though,” Christina adds and Jaden twists to frown at her.

“Bi-what?”

“Romantic. You like to cuddle, Jay, and you don’t really give a crap if that person is a guy or girl.”

This gives Jaden pause. “Nah, so long as they’re comfortable,” he admits but just as quickly turns to frown at her again, “But I still don’t want to kiss them or anything.”

Jesse snickers as Christina shrugs. “What about you?” he asks with a glance to the redhead.

“Straight--” Christina begins as Jaden interrupts with a sly grin, “She likes bishonen.”

“Jaden!” the redhead snaps, water sloshing around her shoulders as she jerks to sit up straight.

“What? You say you’re straight but all the guys you’ve ever liked have been really girly,” Jaden jibes with a teasing grin.

“Bi...shonen?” Jesse repeats the unfamiliar phrase. What kind of boys?

“Girly boys,” Jaden deadpans.

“Pretty boys!”

“Same difference. I bet you even think Lex is pretty,“ Jaden taunts with a waggle of his eyebrows.

“Of course I think she’s pretty! You'd have to be blind not to!” Christina snaps with a pointed glare.

Jaden shrugs, nonpulsed. “Objectively, sure she’s pretty. Still doesn’t mean I’m interested.”

“Says the guy who agreed to be her fiance.”

“Hold on- what?!” Jesse sputters, jerking upright. Did he hear that correctly?!

“Christinaaa! I thought we agreed not to talk about that!”

“What??” Jesse gapes.

Jaden whines, giving his best impersonation of a kicked puppy but Christina has a Cheshire grin plastered across her face. “First year, there was this guy, a second or third year, who was hard core hitting on and harassing Lex. He sees Jay and Lex interacting, gets suuuper jealous, and challenges Jaden to a duel to be Lexi’s fiance. Jaden agrees, no questions asked.”

Jaden groans loudly, face pressed so hard against Christina’s shoulder Jesse wonders how he can even breathe. “It doesn’t count! I didn’t even know what it meant!” His protests fall on uncaring ears as Christina continues to grin wickedly, and he slumps in defeat. “And you’re never gonna let me forget it.”

Christina hums. “Of course I’m not gonna let such prime teasing material go to waste.”

A beat passes, then Jaden jerks back, shoulders rigged and voice tense. “Wait a minute, you don’t...?”

“Who said you were the only one I wouldn’t let forget?” Christina hums and Jaden wails. “Lexi never said no~o.”

Jaden shoves his face in Jesse’s shoulder. “Jesse! Save me! She’s evil!” he wails, and with Christina downright cackling, Jesse finds himself inclined to agree.

“Alright, newbie, what about you?” Christina asks when she finally recomposes herself.

“Me what?” Jesse croaks, still reeling over the revelation from the last few minutes of his life.

“Romantic preference.”

“Ah, I, ah, I don’t really have a preference,” Jesse admits, stumbling over the words as he drags his brain back to the present moment. “I’ve found I care more about someone’s personality than their gender or body type.”

An uncomfortable moment of silence passes. Jaden’s face is still pressed into Jesse’s skin. “Oh, that makes sense,” Christina says, quiet and thoughtful.

The tension drains with a breath of air. Jesse grins. “Re-evaluating a few things?”

Christina shrugs. “What is that called?”

“I don’t know? I don’t know if there is a word for that.” Much less how it would translate into Japanese. He might be able to passably keep up in a conversation but if actually being in Japan has taught Jesse anything, it’s that he’s basically still a beginner.

Christina huffs, obviously dissatisfied with this answer.

“Honestly, I don’t think ya really need a label for it, so long as you understand it. Sure, it’s nice to have a simple way to explain it to others, but it’s not all that important.”

Christina stares at him and Jesse wonders if he said something weird again or screwed up his Japanese or maybe both. That is entirely possible. Then she huffs softly with a grin and Jaden snickers against Jesse’s shoulder. “I knew I liked you.” He twists around and tips his head back to look up at the blunette. “The simple minded must stick together!” He punches the air with a dripping fist before sagging against Jesse laughing.

Christina looks like she can’t decide whether to be amused or exasperated.

An odd chirping noise pulls their attention, and Jaden bolts upright. “Aqua Dolphin! Hey, Aqua Dolphin!” He sloshes away excitedly, leaving Jesse and Christina alone.

“Spazz.” Christina smirks, a fondness in her eyes.

A comfortable silence settles between them, and Jesse remembers he still has questions. Let’s start with something simple. “So you’ve been down here with the others before?”

“A few times, mostly with Syrus.” Christina shrugs. “I’m not as concerned with things like modesty once I get to know a person well enough.” 

“Oh.” Is that a Japanese thing or a her thing? Japan does have a lot of communal bath houses, but aren't most of them separated by gender? Japan does produce a fair chunk of...questionable content. Anime is weird. Red hair tilts in his vision and Jesse realizes he’s been silently pondering this long enough for Christina to give him a concerned look. “Ah, sorry, I’m just...tryin’ to figure out if I should be flattered or not? I mean, we haven’t exactly known each other very long.”

“Yeah, but… I don’t know.” Christina gazes across the hot spring with a distant look. “It feels like we’ve known each other longer.”

Oh-

Something large hits the water with a great splash and sends the resulting wave crashing over both their heads with startled exclamations. “Amber Mammoth...!” Jesse complains loudly but laughs as he shakes water from his now dripping bangs.

“Sorry, Jesse!” Mammoth apologizes as he paddles off. Amethyst sniffs the water before sticking her nose in the air and trotting off. Emerald slips into the spring with a plop, gliding smoothly in another direction.

“This water really does feel great.”

Christina’s shoulders shake with her own amusement as Ruby hops up on Jesse’s shoulder, nuzzles the side of his head, and Jesse has to marvel at the way he can actually feel her fur, not just a disembodied impression of touch. With an exasperated sigh, Christina stands and reaches up to undo her hair, and Jesse should really probably look away like now but he finds his eyes stuck on the exposed skin.

“So much for keeping my hair dry,” the girl mumbles as red locks tumble freely down her back. Then, as if suddenly remembering her surroundings, she looks down at Jesse. Blue eyes meet green and this is the part where most girls in anime scream and hide right? Maybe slap the guy? Nope, she flashes him a sassy grin and places a hand on her hip as she pops it to the side and freaking poses--

“Like what you see?”

Jøss! Jesse tears his eyes away to stare at some very interesting rocks on the opposite side of the hot spring. Not a moment later, he hears the infuriating sound of mad giggles and a loud slosh of water. He nearly jumps out of his skin when he feels her hair against his arm. “You’re too cute,” she wheezes. “Ra if I could have gotten that kind of reaction out of Jaden...” she descends into giggles against his shoulder again.

“You are so not fair,” he grumbles, glaring at the rock and trying to will away the embarrassing heat in his cheeks.

“You know it.” He can hear the sharpness of her grin as she reaches up to flick his nose.

These people are weird, Jesse decides, but if he had a problem with weird he wouldn’t be here at Duel Academy.

A loud wolf whistle breaks into the dwindling giggles and Christina stiffens even before Jaden’s loud proclamation, “Go for it, you two!”

“Jaden Yuki!!” Christina bellows, leaping from the water as Jaden laughs and scrambles from his perch on the rock to run from his best friend’s wrath. “I’m going to strangle you!”

Jesse snickers. Yup, weird. But he kinda likes it.

[dutten-does-the-fanfic]

Uploading schedule for “Something Great”

Hello, and welcome to a rant that neither of us had expected me to make today - or, any day, really. It is also unedited and not read through even once, because I’ll start to second-guess myself if I have to read through whatever my fingers have decided to spit out on paper. You will, however, have to suffer through my stream of consciousness. You’re welcome.

In case you were unaware, I recently started uploading an Evak fic (link: tumblr, AO3) “I Want You Here With Me (Is It Too Much to Ask for Something Great)” - it’s an AU that I’ve been working on since before I finished the third chapter of “Beat that Record” back in 2018.

Because I had the most inconsistent uploading schedule with BtR (and it was only three chapters back then) when I started working on “Something Great”, I’d decided I wanted to finish the entire thing (not aware of just how long it would end up being) and then start to upload it on a weekly schedule.

I’m a very impatient person - whenever I’ve finished writing something, I’ll be all like, “Right! Let’s edit it immediately so I can upload it!” I’m just always so incredibly excited to share the stories I’ve worked on with other people, hoping they’ll experience the same joy and love for the characters and story as I have for however long I’ve been working on it.

Honestly, writing like this for “Something Great” has actually been a really cool experience. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It gave me a lot of liberty so that I could write just because I wanted to write and I could write whatever part I wanted to write, I didn’t have to work chronologically because I had to have the next chapter ready. I got to jump around all over the place, I got to go back and edit already finished chapters because I just thought of that one thing that would be really cool. Honestly, I’m pretty sure that if I ever do multichaptered fics again, I will do it like this - just write all of it before I start uploading anything.

And now moving on to the actual point: A major reason why I wanted to have everything done before I started uploading, was so I could start uploading at a regular schedule, where you guys would know when to expect the next chapter. So I’ve been uploading “Something Great” on Fridays these past three weeks, and I’m just... not sure how I feel about it.

I’ve been considering making the uploads bi-weekly instead, and then I’ve spent a lot of time just going, should I shouldn’t I. I think one of the reasons why I’ve thought not to is because I’m only three chapters in and these are the shortest chapters (minus the epilogue) in the entire story. After chapter 5, there are no chapters below 10k, and some of them are closer to 30k at that. A bi-weekly uploading schedule would mean putting out close to 22k a week, which I don’t know if it’s too much? I also feel bad about changing it to bi-weekly, because a part of me feels like it’s defeating the purpose of spending literally two years working hard on something.

But at the same time, only uploading once a week is really stressing me out - I just don’t care much for it, especially not that the last chapter will first be uploaded at the beginning of September. If I change it to bi-weekly now, it’ll be finished at the end of July, which feels like a much more manageable timeframe for me personally. Also, because I’ve been stressing out, actually getting to finally upload this story that I’ve spent literal years falling in love with just... hasn’t been as exciting as uploading past fics have felt. And that’s a goddamn awful feeling, to be honest, especially when thinking back on just how fun it was to write and all the things I’d do to get in the mood of writing - I’d listen to music, and I’d do my spreadsheets like a nerd and I’d do these little doodles and drawings about the pivotal plot-things that would happen in each chapter’s present/past. I’d fall asleep at night thinking about what I wanted to do for a scene or run through my favourites, just because. I actually started to look forward to spending between one and two hours just sitting on the train five days a week, because that was my writing time, that was my me-time where I didn’t have to think about anything but the story and what the characters would do and what was happening to them - other than stare out of the window occasionally and see the odd fox and deer and pretty views to further dream myself away in.

And now when I’ve finally gotten to the point where it’s all done, it’s written and edited through, and I’ve actually been able to upload it, I’ve just been feeling sad and anxious about how much I’ve been stressing over only uploading on Fridays, and as I’ve been so excited about writing the story that I’d literally count the seconds until I’d be able to or I’d set of time on entire evenings just so I could work on it, it feels like something pure and dear to my heart is a little ruined because of it.

That sounded a little dramatic - it’s not that bad.

Honestly, what I’ve been trying to say, I think, is this (ooh, let’s do bullet points, because spreadsheets weren’t bad enough, y’all):

Uploads would change from only Fridays to maybe Tuesdays and Fridays?

And maybe just general thoughts? Like, what do you - either as a reader or as a writer - think about uploading schedules? Either about my fic in specific or other fics in general - I doubt people are going to be sad about more content during the week, but I don’t know. Is once a week preferable? Do you refuse to touch a non-completed story (that hasn’t been abandoned and is finished and regularly updated)? Do you have a preferable timeframe for uploading/receiving uploads? I’m just feeling a little at a loss, here, so it would be nice to hear back what you guys would like :)

and also just thank you to everyone who’s been reading and commenting on any of my stories, to be honest. Getting your feedback has always been such a cool experience, and all of this ranting has absolutely nothing to do with any of that - it’s still just as much of a joy getting to read your comments or go through your tags and just hearing about what you’ve thought of the chapter or the story in general, so the biggest thank you to all of you for being the most awesome and kind-hearted people in the entire world. You deserve it.

[mamusings]

Supernatural Season 1 Thoughts

So I'm rewatching mainly to distract myself from the dogs breakfast the show has descended into. But also because my feelings about the show as a whole are decidedly mixed. I come to it as a buffy fan. I've always been curious about spn as a successor show to buffy, but only watched thr first 13 seasons in 2020. Blame lockdown.

Anyway s1. Blinding start, blinding finish. But the middle is just too many MOTW episodes without enough season arc development. I keep wondering who the show is for. It feels aesthetically very male. Lots of blood, guns and violence. Well-realised horror feel - although I think it's hard to really feel fear when you dont particularly care about who might die. It's only when you threaten a major character death that things hit harder. Also the genuflecting to realism by drawing on urban myths feels like something for stereotypically 'male' rather than 'female'. Probably reflects my preferences that I was never to into the MOTW format some buffy fans loved and that I was always more interested in the story telling than realism or even consistency. Monsters as metaphors works better for me. But Spn is a much more cloistered universe. Two guys and their absent father is what s1 is about. But it dits weirdly between being comfort viewing and needing attention. There's much that starts to feel formulaic with MOTW episodes: Impala on the road scene, some rock music, an opener that gives you a new mystery and people to go with it blah blah. You can practically set your watch by the final denouement happening in the final 8 mins. It feels like the show is diligently checking off every myth and monster going which gets tedious. I found the need for setting up yet another family in danger was something that gets hard to care about. "Oh look a couple, someone's gonna die, shall I fast forward until sam and dean show up." And yet there are some interesting undercutting of the white working class vibe the show has. Two that stand out to me are: the 'female gazing' of the camera work off Sam and Dean. There's a lot of panning - are we getting in the boys with the guns and hardware and then offering up the handsome male bodies for women? I felt a little cheap, but they they are v cute. The other is having a black/bi racial woman play Dean's only serious love interest. The ghost truck thing is terrible but putting attitudes to race at the centre of this particular storyline was intriguing. Perhaps a counter balance to the overall wwc feel of things. (Full disclosure I am a black woman and I enjoyed seeing this - even tho I did have several moments of wondering was the predominant female look so uniform back then. All the girls have the same build (and did we all wear such low rise jeans?) plus long, wavy/curly hair...except Meg who basically has Sam's hairstyle ha ha)

What's impressive? The first few episodes give us a cluster of core lines: bitch/jerk, no chick flick moments, and the sibling dynamic This show hits its stride right in the pilot and wendigo is still one of the scarier episodes. Thats a really good opening shot imo.

It's no surprise that what's really riveting is Sam and Dean. But on rewatching I saw a lot more on why this is so interesting. Basically when the characters are introduced you first get Sam. He's your archetypal nice guy whis hot everything though for him. Stanford, girlfriend, friends, great test score but also and crucially hes likeable. Then you get Dean and hes introduced as a dick. Breaks in, wrestles Sam, comes on to/is sleazy with Sams gf. So cocky bad boy: check.

In the pilot dean is the annoying big brother to a t. So they set up two contrasting personalities. Dean is disrespectful to cops, Sam is embarrassed by it. Dean is into hunting, Sam is unwillingly persuaded. Dean is insensitive, Sam kinder and sweet. Dean plays dumb, Sam's the academic achiever. But what we witness over the course of the season essentially reverses this. Sam's the real rebel defying his father, Dean the obedient son. Dean gets a lot of scenes showing him make swift emotional connections esp with children or people in caretaker roles. Dean's very adult 'I'm 26 of course I go on hunts alone' is unmasked by the fact he gets Sam to help him because hes lonely. And Dean (often clumsily) tries to help Sam move on about Jess and open up about his nightmares. While the explicit dialogue casts Sam as the geeky loser brother what we see in this season is that the loser is actually Dean. Sam has friends, Sam has a relationship, Sam has a life he wants to get back to. Dean has no one and some of the hardest emotional hits this season are when his mask is lifted to show us just that. For instance shape shifter Dean voices his jealousy in Skin. Also Azazel taunts Dean about how he needs Sam and John in a way that they dont need him.

The closing episodes really bring some of these contrasts home. Dead Mans Blood gives us a great bonding scene between Sam and John, for me that's a moment where it falls into place that they so much in common that it leaves Dean on the outside. They both loved women they lost to a demon. For both of them (at this stage) the mission, as in killing this demon, matters more than family. Its Dean who constantly prioritises family, even while his family deprioritise him. Both Sam in Salvation and John in Devils Trap put sacrificing themselves to kill the demon as their first priority. Whereas Dean consistently argues for family, first persuading John that they are stronger together, then telling Sam that the three of us 'is all I have' in Salvation. The point gets hammered home in Devils Trap where Dean says (in case the stupid viewer missed it "you and Dad are a lot more alike..cant wait to sacrifice yourselves, but I'm going to be the one to bury you").

Much of the rest of the relationship development is about showing us the partnership Sam and Dean are developing. You see increasing ease in working together - maybe most cliched in how they toss weapons back and forth in Hell House. Plus that interesting sibling dynamic when you love someone and find them intensely annoying that feels enjoyable even if your own sibling relationship is nothing like it.

But what's interesting is that while Dean's character is revealed throughout the season. You see through the episodes the difference between his Dean presents himself and hiw he is, but dean doesn't change. Hes immature and emotionally driven I'd also savvy and brave. Its Sam who changes. Not in how he is, but in his priorities. Sam realises the good bit about Dean among the stuff that irritates him. But most importantly the final episode shows us Sam moving from thinking the mission is what matters just like John. To thinking his family matters more. He doesnt shoot Azazel inside John and when John berates him for it his look at the bloodied-up Dean in the rearview mirror speaks volumes.

It's all the more striking because thus argument has been the core dilemma for the last 3 episodes. It's also the crux of how Dean, for all his obedience, sees himself as falling short of who his father wants him to be. He cant turn his heart off. Its Dean who calls his dad sounding like a tearful little boy in Home. It's when John approves of him making the heart choice and using the colt to save Sam, that Dean realises it's not his father but Azazel speaking. I find that painful to watch it's been so well set up. You get lots of preview of Dean really wanting approval and when it finally comes and you're all ahh fsmily bonding, Dean puts it together and goes you're not my father. Ouch.

Absent fathers and eventually I guess an absent God is a big spn theme. So there is something to say for looking at it in this season. John's absence is the driver of the whole season. But it's also the foundation stone of both Sam and Dean's character. What we get most of in s1 is a sense of the impact of his fathers absence on Dean. The childhood neglect, but also the absence of approval. My European background always makes it jarring when children address their father as sir so I hope I'm not over reading this. When John gets back the way it emasculates Dean is jarring. The jumping to attention with the yessirs and the following orders is such a distance from the cocky law breaker. Its interesting that the first scenes in which I recall the boys speaking in unison are these yessirs. But the scene I remember most is a trivial one, Dean offers John a machete out of Babys messy looking trunk - hes already been pulled up by dad for inadequate car maintenance. But John pulls a bigger, better, cleaner machete out of his high spec truck - Dead Mans Blood. Sums it up for me. Dean is so eager for approval, his father withholds it so casually. Sam is less like this, because he had Dean to parent him however ineptly. Sam did not have a hoid parent in Dean, but Dean showed up. Sam starts to make that realisation in season 1 and there are a few thank you moments. Contrast Dean's only outburst against his father when hes admonished to call when in trouble. He takes a leaf out of Sam's book and notes that they did call in Lawrence and they called when Dean was dying in Faith, hes angry and rightly so. John didn't show. But its interesting that Dean's fight with John sounds like a child fighting with a parent. It even ends with 'I dont care for your tone' from John even as he accepts Dean's point. Constrast Sam and John who have a much deeper ongoing disagreement. But Sam fights his father from an adult position. He's not looking for approval or acceptance, Sam claims his ground, argues his point. Dean still just needs to be loved.

But as well as the impact of the absent parent there is also having grown beyond the parent. I feel like the final few episodes show us that 'the boys' have surpassed their father. John's fake colt idea is lame and Dean calls it. By contrast the devils trap at Bobby's to catch Meg feels like a moment of brilliance particularly as the trap is sprung on the viewer so we feel surprised too.. Sure they call in help from Bobby, but what they do is well planned and they pull it off. And calling in helo when you need it us grown up.

Theres an element of fate vs character exploration when it comes to Sam and Dean. What happens to Sam is fate. It's not related to how he is or how he behaves. We find that out more fully soon. Whereas what happend to Dean relates to his character. IMO Dean actually has the option of walking away from hunting that Sam tried to exercise. Unlike Sam, hunting wouldn't have pursued Dean by killing his girlfriend. But Dean's character means he doesnt chose to walk away because family is important to him, in a way that it isn't for Sam until the end of this season. Its interesting that Sam perceives of himself as having choices he doesn't have. Whereas Dean sees himself as having no choice, when in fact he does. But I guess we don't know that yet so maybe the argument doesn't work?

#supernatural #sam #dean #winchester

[viltrumitesuperboy]

“I’m Spider-Man” (Peter Parker x Male Reader)

It’s Tom Holland’s birthday and I (finally) finished something yesterday.

Partially requested by: @rklf001

Peter tries to tell you that he's Spider-Man.

Word count: 1537

"I'm Spider-Man. I am... Peter. I. Am. Spider-Man. I am Spider-Man. I'm... gay. I'm bi. And I'm Spider-Man."

Peter groaned and hit his head on the mirror, sighing as he pushed himself back from it. He stared at his face in the mirror, sighing and trying a few more times.

"Peter, dinner!"

He left his room in defeat to wash his hands then went back to the kitchen to help set the table.

"Peter, are you still trying to talk to that friend of yours about being in love with him?" Aunt May asked with her hands on her hips.

He jumped, almost hitting his elbow on the counter as he was grabbing forks and plates.

"What? No! May, of course I don't like him that way," he sputtered out, rushing back to the dining table mostly to hide his face.

"I know you do. And I heard you in there," May said, placing a bowl down in the middle of the table. "You're trying to tell him you're Spider-man? Why?"

"I just... he's one of my few... only friends and I want to be able to trust him with that information. Ned already knows, I just have to tell (Y/N) and MJ," he said.

May smiled and put her hand on his shoulder, rubbing her thumb on his shirt as he looked away.

"Hey, look at me. Would you rather he found out the way Ned and I did? I mean, it was kind of funny but you know that you'll have to explain a lot more. And I'm sure he'll still be one of your best friends."

Peter started to smile and gave her a hug.

"Thanks, May."

"Take him to a museum."

"May!"

You and Peter were sitting on a large rock overlooking northern Central Park. The sun was up, and it was still morning. Families were playing together on the large patches of grass.

"Look. That kid just did a backflip!" you laughed in awe. "That's so cool."

Peter shifted, giving you an awkward smile when you turned to him.

"What's up?"

You furrowed your eyebrows at him, and turned your body to face him more.

"(Y/N), I... I am-"

"In love with me?"

His eyes widened as he stared at you in shock.

"I- no, that's- no!" he stuttered. "I mean it's true but that's not what I wanted to tell you!"

You laughed and put your hand on his shoulder.

"It's fine. MJ and Ned kept telling me and I didn't believe them. But then you started saying something that sounded like that so... I'm sorry," you sighed, putting your hand down and giving him an apologetic look.

"Do you wanna go to the Met?" Peter blurted out.

"Like, as a date or...?"

"Yeah."

"Then let’s go!"

"Peter, look at this!"

You pointed at a piece of armour and started to explain it.

"So, the Japanese were the first ones to use leather armour. It was much lighter than the metal armour the Europeans used, and it's tough so you can't get a sword through it that easily. And over here is the longbow the Mongols used! So much more efficient than crossbows, obviously with skill. Also, their system made a lot more sense. Europeans had a monarchy, but these guys did it by how useful with battle skill they were."

Peter listened to your rant and followed you as you speed walked to the different objects through the entire museum that caught your eye. You kept going through about four different sections before he stopped you.

"Sorry, but we've spent like 3 hours in these 4 sections. Do you wanna go get lunch and then come back?"

You checked your phone before awkwardly laughing, agreeing with him as you headed for the exit.

"I got carried away, I'm sorry," you said.

"No, it's okay. It was fun watching you get so hyper. That was like me when I- when I, uh, helped Ned with that Lego Death Star set," Peter replied.

"You hesitated."

"Wha- I mean it though!"

"Whatever you say, Peter."

After a lunch you shared in the park, you went back to the museum, this time on the left side. Once again, you were giving him just some of your knowledge of the historical subjects until you both reached the Greek and Roman sculptures section.

"I've read all the Percy Jackson books. I got this," you bragged, holding a hand out to Peter.

"I've read them multiple times through," Peter retorted. "I bet we don't even have to look at the plaques."

You both gave each other knowing glances before beginning at the first piece of art, immediately naming the Greek mythological character in it before giving each other a high five and laughing.

"Oh my god, we're actually nerds," you laughed.

"This could only be worse if we played Mythomagic," he responded, moving to the next piece.

"Maybe someone should make that game," you mumbled.

"Dionysus!"

"Dude, I was distracted! Not fair."

You both burst into another fit of giggles but moved on quickly when people around you began staring. As you continued through the many sculptures, Peter's hand found yours and you smiled just for a moment. Then he pulled you along and you couldn't stop smiling as you both continued to compete to name each character.

Once it was about 5 PM, you both exited the museum to the subway, hoping to get to Peter's place to hang out with Ned and MJ.

"Hey, uh, (Y/N)?" he suddenly said once you were both seated in the train car.

"What's up?" you answered, leaning in a little closer to hear him talk over the train's noise.

"I didn't meant to tell you that I really liked you romantically and that I wanted to take you out on a date. I mean, not today. I was planning to tell you that I... I am..." Peter trailed off.

He opted to take both your hands and fumble with them.

"Peter?"

"Well, first, I just want to say that today was really, really nice. And you were really cute today just talking about all the history and art stuff you know, not that you're not always cute. I just don't want your view of me to change when I tell you this one thing."

You furrowed your eyebrows before giving him a reassuring smile.

"You can tell me," you said quietly, squeezing his hands.

"(Y/N), I'm Spider-Man."

The rumbling train hid his voice from the rest of the world, but you heard him clearly.

"I-I'm sorry, what? You're joking, right?" you asked in shock, studying his face for any sign that he was lying.

"That's what I wanted to tell you earlier but you cut me off," he admitted, giving you a guilty look.

"Oh god, I'm sorry. I mean, I guess I believe you? I don't really have proof for why not."

The train stopped at your station and he let go of one of your hands for both of you to leave, and you smiled at the fact that your hand was being held by a boy you had a massive crush on before remembering what you were just told. You both did a bit of a speedwalk to his apartment, all the while you peppering him with questions about being Spider-Man, his powers, how he hid his identity (to which he answered "I don't know" and he quickly pulled you into his room and shut the door.

He opened his bag and took his clothes off, everything but his boxers.

"What the- Peter!" you scolded.

He pulled the familiar red and blue outfit onto his body. It was extremely loose and seemed to just be a bad cosplay, but then he pressed the center and it tightened onto his slim body. He then reached in and pulled out two cylindrical objects out and the famous mask.

"You... I guess you are Spider-Man," you mumbled.

"I guess I am."

You took the mask, inspecting it and seeing the "face" of the person who had saved hundreds of people ever since he first appeared.

"I just wanted to be able to trust you with this. Ned found out by accident and so did May, so I wanted the person I really, really liked that I am, uh, Spider-Man," Peter quietly said, fumbling with what you figured were his web shooters. “By the way, I can do a backflip.”

"Well, I'm glad you told me. All those things."

You pulled him into a hug, enjoying the embrace of someone you cared about deeply.

"I should take this off. MJ and Ned are coming over and MJ doesn't know."

"Right, right."

You both reluctantly pulled back and he put his regular clothing back on, shoving his suit into his closet as you both smiled at each other. The ringer that let you know someone was downstairs rang and he suddenly leaned over and pressed a kiss to your cheek. He rushed out his room to answer it, and you blushed as you watched him leave. It seemed that you needed to go on more dates with him if you wanted more of those kisses.

[ashis2gay4u]

A Different Kind of Magic For My Poor Heart

Prompt: Write about how magic is the norm. Some excel at it, some are only okay, and others are against it completely, despite being able to use it. Your main character is the latter.

A/N: I used SAGA instead of LGBTQ+ due to the fact that I once saw a post referring to how it should be the official name instead of LGBTQ+ due to the fact that it's all inclusive, and I personally loved the idea.

Nico di Angelo glared at his reflection, staring himself down. He noticed how his black eyes flitted across the mirror, taking in every little imperfection of his face.

He noticed the bags under his eyes, his extremely pale skin with majorly contrasting freckles, the way his chapped lips looked too feminine for his liking, how his eyes were such a dark brown they were almost black, and not to mention all the scars lining his bare chest and shoulders, the long-lasting bruise around his neck like a choker he can never seem to get rid of or cover up.

A hard knock at his door had him spinning around, quickly putting on his black Punisher t-shirt, pulling his black Joker themed beanie tighter over his long black hair before grabbing and  adjusting his leather jacket.

He opened the door, gripping the strap of his Three Days Grace satchel tightly in one hand as he beamed at his crush, Percy Jackson.

"Hey, dude! You ready for our magical adventure?" Percy asked, his sea green eyes brimming with excitement.

Nico inwardly cringed at the word "magical". He hated magic, especially his own. He felt uncomfortable whenever his friends used their powers, even when Percy did.

Magic was a common thing in this world, but at the time and age he came from, it was looked down upon to use it in public. He still wasn't used to this time and age, his mind was still stuck in that time when magic users, people of color, and people of the SAGA community were all shunned and abused and used.

Nico nodded, exiting his cabin into the cold fall air, pulling his fingerless gloves tighter, hoping to cover more of his slightly exposed wrists.

Camp Half-Blood was a summer and year round camp for "disturbed" children and teenagers, according to the flyers and advertisements. In reality, it was a camp built to help young children and teens learn to better control their powers.

When he was ten, Percy and his best friend Annabeth had found him and his older sister Bianca and brought them here. Bianca instantly jumped on the train, and ended up abandoning him to join an all girls camp. He hated her for it for a while, but then he learned to accept it all.

Except for the fact that he was forced to use his magic everyday in order to keep himself from becoming homeless. That was the only downside.

He shuddered when he remembered how hard it was to survive without using his magic when he had ran away from camp.

He followed Percy to the borders of camp, where Argus, a mute man who has the magical ability to see everything around him, was waiting for them by the camp van.

He nodded at them, and Percy nodded back. Nico felt like a hundred eyes were staring down at him in disapproval, and due to Argus' nickname being the "Hundred Eyed Man" among campers, he wouldn't be surprised if it was the man himself.

He climbed into the back of the van next to Percy, only to have a pair of thin yet strong arms wrap around his neck.

"BABY BAT WINGS!" an excited voice shouted in his ear.

Nico rolled his eyes, "Shut it, Repair Boy," he said, turning to glare at one of his best friends, Leo Valdez.

He noticed that the others were already there, and Nico glared at Jason Grace, who was wiggling his eyebrows at him.

"Awee, but Neeeeeekssss~!" Leo whined, earning a light slap from Jason's girlfriend, Piper McLean.

"Leo, leave the poor boy alone. Look at him, he has depression!"

Okay, low-blow, McLean.

He groaned and sunk further into his seat, clutching his satchel to his chest.

Finally, the door to the front opened, and in a second, one Annabeth Chase became visible.

Nico hated her power most of all. Invisibility, one of the most hated magical abilities from his time period. It was most common among thieves and murderers back then. Worst part is, it's all of both Athena cabin and Hermes cabin that have the ability, and they're both filled with people most likely capable of committing these crimes.

He doesn't like Jason's or Piper's either. He doesn't mind Leo's and Percy's. It still bothers him, but as he knew Leo before camp- he met him when they had both ran away from their respective homes at the same time-, and he has a crush on Percy, it doesn't bother him as much.

But Annabeth... He didn't like her much. She was always nice to him, but he could tell she liked Percy too, and he disliked her for it, because although Percy may be bi, he tended to lean more towards girls than guys.

Not to mention, he knew she could murder him in seconds if she wanted to, so there was also that.

Nico huffed as Annabeth signed to Argus effortlessly, and he responded just as easily.

Miss Perfect, Percy's little Wise Girl.

He put his bag down at his feet and managed to pull his knees up to his chest, earning a strange look from Percy.

He smiled at him, a small smile, but a smile nonetheless, and Percy smiled back so warmly and brightly Nico swore he was from the Apollo cabin, with magical abilities as bright and pure yet dangerous as the sun.

Nico flinched and blushed a deep red when Percy swung his arm over his shoulders. Whether the older boy noticed or not, he didn't say. Nico had to fight the urge to snuggle up against him.

Lo and behold, he didn't have to hold back for long, because Leo- who knew about his crush on the water-bender- decided to be a very unwanted wing-man and climbed to the middle seats where he and Percy sat and sat down next to Nico, pushing him against Percy's side regardless of what his pride and dignity demanded of him.

He could feel Annabeth's grey eyes watching him from the rear-view mirror, and instantly cursed every single god he could think of for this cursed fate.

This... Was going to be one long-ass field trip.

~

Nico huffed as he face planted onto the bed of the hotel room in New Rome, the camp on the opposite side of the US.

He still didn't know who he was bunking with, because as soon as he saw the key-cards he grabbed one and ran, dragging his bag behind him.

He sat up and turned to face the opening door, only for his face to drain of color.

"No, you can not be my bed-mate!" Nico cried, glaring Percy down.

Percy looked taken aback, "But... Leo is staying with Frank and Hazel, Annabeth is staying with Reyna, and Jason is bunking with Piper. I've got nobody else to bunk with, and we only booked four rooms..."

"Who the fuck authorized that?" he demanded.

"Jason did?" Percy said, although it sounded more like a question.

"DAMMIT! I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE COME HERE!"

"...Am I that horrible?"

Nico's head shot up at the cold, angry voice Percy was using. He's never used it on Nico or Grover, but he's directed it at everybody else, including Annabeth, at least once.

"What?" he asked, confused.

Percy's hands shook slightly, and Nico knew if he got anymore angry than he was, toilets and sinks and tubs would start exploding and flooding the place.

"Am I that horrible that the mere idea of me sharing a bed with you makes you wish you never came along? Do you actually hate me that bad? Do I make your skin crawl because I'm not afraid to use my magic? Is that it?"

"N-no-"

"Then what the fuck is it, Nico?!"

There went the sink, two more to go before instant flooding of the hotel room.

"I-I-"

"You, you? You what, Nico?"

The toilet exploded then. One more before doomsday.

So, naturally, Nico lost his shit, and went crazy-mad first.

"I DON'T WANT TO SHARE A ROOM WITH YOU BECAUSE I LIKE YOU, YOU STUPID MERMAID!" Nico finally snapped, wanting to get away. He could feel his own magic run rampant, the room temperature dropping to below freezing, shadows clawing at his clothes and the walls. He could feel the skeletons trying to break free from the ground, trying to come to him.

Percy froze, before making his way over to the bed.

Nico cowered, and put a hand out. Shadows shot from his palms, wrapping themselves around Percy's legs and knocking him down, "S-stay away. I-I know I-I'm disgusting. You like Annabeth, obviously, you always tended to favor her over me before. Sure, you've been really nice lately, but... You always fall back to her and Grover, a-and-"

He let out a hiccup, wiping at the tears he didn't even realize until now he had been shedding, and retracted his hands, the shadows retreating back into his body like clockwork.

The sink and toilet stopped flowing as Percy just sat there, sprawled on the ground still, staring up at Nico, who was now full-on sobbing.

"A-an' I know you don't want a... A pathetic k-kid like me... Somebody w-ho d-doesn't even like magic... And... I just wish you'd l-leave me alone because all I w-want is you but I can't have you and..."

Nico let out a light gasp as he was pulled against a warm, well-built chest.

Percy's chest.

'He smells like the ocean...' Nico thought, feeling all the strength he had leave his body.

He broke down, majorly. Wailing and all.

"Hey, hey... It's okay, Neeks... Come on, look at me..." Percy mumbled softly, rubbing soothing circles into Nico's back.

Nico let out a small sob, and managed to force himself to look up at Percy, who was looking at him with concern.

Great, now you're a charity case.

"W...Why are you still here...?" he asked in a small voice, trying to keep himself from falling victim to a panic attack.

"Because, Ghost King, I like you too," Percy replied, smiling softly.

Nico stared at him in utter shock, mouth opening and closing like a fish.

"I didn't tell you because I wasn't sure you liked me back, not to mention I'm older than you by three years, and..."

"You... No... I... What...?"

"Awe, I broke your poor little brain," Percy teased, and Nico let out a small laugh.

"In your dreams, Seaweed Brain."

"Hey, only Annabeth can call me that."

Nico instantly soured. "Sorry," he spat, "Mermaid-Man."

Percy's face instantly turned into one of apology, "I'm sorry, I-"

Nico laughed, "Now look who got fucked over! HA!"

"You little fuckin'-" He was suddenly cut off by Nico, who had pressed his lips against Percy's in a short, gentle kiss.

He was satisfied by the fact that when he pulled away, Percy was blushing madly.

"So ah... What now?" he asked sheepishly, and Nico grinned.

"One, be my boyfriend. Two... Go on a date with me?"

Percy nodded, "YES!" he shouted, only to seemingly mentally reel himself back in and say, "I-I mean, ah, yes, that sounds lovely."

Nico laughed again, smiling brightly as he wiped away the rest of his tears, "Great, let's go."

"Now?"

"Right now, yes. There's still daylight."

Percy smiled back, nodding as he stood up, helping the other boy to his feet as well.

He didn't let go of Nico's hand afterwards.

They went off, laughing and smiling and exchanging sweet kisses.

Nico may not like magic, but he enjoys how magical the trip turned out to be, he enjoyed how magical the sparks of each kiss he shared with Percy felt, and how magical the tingling of his fingers entwined with the older boy's felt.

He may not like the magic he's accustomed to, but the magic of Percy's hand in his, of knowing Percy is his, makes him hate magic a little less.

Just a little.

{La Fin}

~Ashton Bende