#someone please give me a good argument for why I should post this on Reddit because I am on the fence

[dead-sp1der]

Here we go again, more stats of Ethogirls and Etho

Some things to note:

They each have a different numbers of episodes out, so in order to keep this fair I took the total of times they say a Hermits name and then graphed what the distribution is

I have not counted their own names in these graphs because I didn't count how many times Etho said his own name (my bad)

Both Bdubs and Joel say their own names more than any other name (I will include their graphs with the stats that include their own names under this)

Etho and Bdubs mention each other the most, and Joel mentions Gem the most and Gem mentions Grian the most

Etho barely says Joel's name in his videos, which is kinda funny to me, Bdubs says Joel's name more often than Etho, both in raw numbers and when put into percentages

Joel, of all the three Ethogirls, says Etho's name the least in his videos compared to how often he says other Hermit's names

Grian is the only Hermit Gem has mentioned in every single one of her episodes so far

I will reblog this post with the raw data so people can double check my measurements

I give my full permission to post this stuff on twitter as long as you don't tag the creators or anything

So if Joel, Bdubs's or Gem's own names are included in their stats, these are their graphs:

In conclusion, Etho is a Bdubs fan first and foremost Bdubs is the biggest Ethogirl so far Joel is a Gemboy and the least Ethogirl of the Ethogirls Gem is a Grian fan

[bcbdrums]

I saw the Reddit drama. Please explain why Drakgo is a more interesting ship than KimRon.

first, thanks for the ask! second, whoaaaaaaa i wouldn't presume to label one ship more interesting than another. some people will find ships interesting, others won't.

i'll give a diff example. in my other current hyperfixation, soul eater, my friend adores Ship A while i'm all about Ship B. her ship IS interesting to me! i think those chars are the most shippable in the show, they're basically canon w/o PDA, and they are deeply complex both as individual chars and as a couple.

they're just... not the ones i'm hyperfixated on. doesn't make them uninteresting.

what makes a person's brain and heart grab onto one ship and not another? who can say.

a lack of personal interest in a ship does not make it objectively uninteresting, or worse... and a ship having way more attention than another in fandom doesn't objectively make that ship more interesting, or better.

CAN a person make canonical objective arguments for or against ships? certainly.

let's just grab characters from KP to use as example. Bonnie and Brick. canonically a couple for more than one episode! we do not get a lot of canon info onscreen for them, so most of the interest in them would have to come from fan creations. compare to Kim and Ron, who have infinitely more screentime together, infinitely more individual character development than Bonnie and Brick both as individuals and as a couple...

one could argue that Kim/Ron is more interesting than Brick/Bonnie. there's more to grab from the canon at least. but if a person wants to draw/write/talk at length about Brick/Bonnie? why not!

no reason to be hating on any ship. if it's not your ship, then just...don't engage?? especially if you're against said ship.

now me, personally, i find Drakgo more interesting than Kim/Ron. (altho recent convo with @creatorping got my Kim/Ron juices flowing again). Drakgo just appeal to me more as characters, with their gritty backgrounds, a lot more unknowns to explore, the challenge of two villains developing a mutual trusting relationship so they can have a happily ever after... that just grabs my mind and heart more than the perfect girl and her adorkable boyfriend. it doesn't mean Kim and Ron aren't interesting, cuz ohhhhh they are! mostly post-canon for me because...who ARE they, after high school?? who is Kim other than the student who saves the world? what's she gonna do with her life? and what is Ron gonna do? he absolutely can't go to the same college as her, and she can't ditch a good opportunity to go to a community college with him... my hang-up has always been that Kim wasn't given enough individual development onscreen to do anything interesting with her post-canon. but aforementioned convo with Ping changed my mind, heheh. 😏

in any case, the point... one ship isn't more or less interesting. one ship isn't better or worse than another. it's us, the viewer, who either will or won't be interested.

so as i've always said.... ship and let ship. don't like? don't interact. don't hate on someone else's ships or headcanons or POVs... (reddit...)

and, that's not the same thing as discourse. discussing characters, discussing points of view, interpretations... sharing various headcanons... with willing parties who want to enter into that conversation! THAT is a major part of fandom! but it's all in how one goes about it. and! should people come to disagree about interpretations of characters, also fine!

i think the issue arises when people start to act like... my interpretation is correct OR, my interpretation is the only valid one. when people get up on that horse, that's where the problems arise... it can be tough if you feel like you're the only person WITH a certain POV, but... again, if the folks you're chatting with aren't into it, then find other people. i'm in that boat with some soul eater headcanons, but, that's okay. i don't need to convince everyone else in the fandom in order rto enjoy my thoughts. i'll still talk about them, but, not with the idea of telling anyone my view is the only view. that's the antithesis of what fandom is about. i'll talk about them because i enjoy talking about them, to like-minded folk, and on my own blog which is what a blog is for.

and, idk why it shows up so often in the KP fandom, especially the Drakgo side, that people can't simply say "hey i have this headcanon!" and someone respond with "oh that's neat!" and just. happily co-exist. everyone creating their things, sharing their things. and people will like what they like, as they always have, in every fandom. and if they don't like someone's idea, that's fine too!

but it's not worth fighting about?? it never is! it's just not that important. it's fandom. it's fun. it's our escape. if one feels SO strongly against a concept, or ship, or whatever.... then you don't interact with it. you don't make it your mission to disprove the other person. you don't actively seek out opportunities to hate on a point of view you dislike. that's not how fandom is supposed to be. find your people, and chill with them.

let's all be positive in the various fandom spaces.

i hadn't intended that to be such a rant, but...well, there you have it. sorry it probably was not what you wanted to hear, but yeah. thanks again for the ask!!

[rosevilleain]

Hello! I'm rosevilleain (pronounced "rose villain"). If you're wondering why I didn't just make the username "rosevillain," it was taken already by someone for non-DBD purposes, and I've kept the name consistent everywhere else I'm signed up for (links below). Besides, this means I actually got the name everywhere I signed up 😆

For sake of ease, you can call me Danny, after the character I'm obviously basing my whole aesthetic around. I don't ever feel comfortable listing my exact age (tbh, that's not exactly a good idea to do, anyway, and idk when that became the norm for people to do) so I'll just tell you I'm in my 30s. Which is why I'd prefer it if minors DNI. That, and I might occasionally post, reblog, or discuss NSFW stuff, so that wouldn't be appropriate. If you're not 18+, please respect my boundaries on this. I play both Killer and Survivor fairly equally. My main characters are Ghost Face (duh) and Dwight Fairfield respectively.

I'm starting all of this to talk about DBD; the good, the bad, and the ugly. As someone who plays both roles, I don't care about "this game is [role]-sided" arguments and, quite frankly, I'm tired of hearing that because there's good and bad for each and, at the end of the day, there are loads of things that should be reworked to better balance the game. So, whereas I'd love to have discussions and "hang out" with other DBD enthusiasts, please try not to do this in my comments 🙏🏻

I'd say I'm pretty average at this game, and I won't pretend that I know how things should be fixed gameplay-wise, but I'll give opinions or ask questions where I feel the need to.

Other than that, I'm pretty friendly and easily excited about the stuff I like lol. You can use he/him/his or they/them/theirs as my pronouns.

I hope to see you in the Fog!

Links:

Hell Site (formerly bird app)

Bluesky

Instagram

YouTube

TikTok

Reddit

[wowsoboring]

Deconstructing Baseless Harry Potter Arguments#2 (i) : Harmione Edition

Obviously I once again do not mean to target all Harmione shippers. I know quite a few who're very good human beings and tolerant and accepting above all. However these aren't. In this case, you might sense quite a bit of levelheadedness in the beginning, however you must not be fooled as it goes south and takes a nasty turn very quickly. Don't get your hopes up, this is some of the worst shit I've ever seen, especially the way in which it progresses through its course. Naturally, for this post I have picked my own style of writing which will match that of those redditors. Reddit is the perfect breeding ground for all these weird cults, honestly. I shall be resorting to a formal language and style of conversation, very much like a debater would to sound as pretentious as these do. These posts are found on the instagram handle toxicharmonyshippers who gather such toxic musings and sayings for Harmione shippers while respecting the ones that are nice.

1)

Oh yes, let's use words like 'vehemently' to sound smart, why not? Of course, this little tidbit of the highly stupendous post seems more or less civil at the start. They also have the common decency to say "some Romione shippers" rather than generalizing all of us. Very nice of you, how very saint like. Let's wait till they drop the act and show us their true colors. Harkening back to the argument, I have but one question for you, "where do you find these people?". Where's the proof? Who are these radical Romione shippers who worship Ron and dislike Hermione? I haven't seen any such shippers and I am surrounded by Romione shippers on tumblr, instagram and fan fiction sites as well and haven't met the people you speak of. Some point out her flaws, yes, but no one hates her or dislikes her that much. I have seen two or three Romione shippers across hundreds and thousands who're skeptical of Hermione's perfection. Skeptical. Not hating, disliking, or anything. Of course, unlike this person, I have evidence: find these pi charts for your referral (clickable): https://imgur.com/a/QfPnQbB

you can, through these, see the amount of Hermione bashing across Harry Potter fanfiction and you can see that even in Romione fanfiction there's more Ron bashing. Hermione-bashing is a non-issue. That's what it is. Regarding the "nagging" statement, where's the lie in that? "Annoying" is somewhat subjective, I personally don't find her annoying at all. Who are these people and how often do you find them? "Mary Sue" is only reserved for Movie!Hermione. I have only seen book fans call her that. No one has ever called Book!Hermione Mary Sue. The movie does paint her as a flawless, all-rounder who's also drop-dead gorgeous. Only things she's bad at are flying and divination, all of which she denounces as useless, even though flying is like biking for wizards, divination, sure, not that important. with a teacher like Trelawney, even I would denounce it as hokum.

2)

Remember what I said about waiting for them to show us their true colors, well here they are. Bask in the glory of their senseless arguments. Why, I am from reddit, heck I have 25 thousand karma points on there, I just left because it was too stupid for me but I can argue like them very well. And in this case I would like to say that these people are under the impression that Ron is just there in the story for the sake of existence. And he doesn't work hard. That argument is of course, wrong. Because Ron (in no particular order):

1) fights a troll when he's 11

2) is willing to sacrifice himself when he's 11

3) stands up for his friends

4) makes sure Harry feels like he belongs in the family

5) worries about Harry and rescues him from literal jail

6) stands up against Draco rather than by-standing and enabling his behavior

7) tries his level best to make sure Norbert the dragon is in safe hands and carries it out, albeit not in perfection

8) is with Harry every step of the way in his confronting the basilisk

9) sends Harry and Hermione long letters and calls them often to check up on them

10) stands up on a bitten leg to defend his best friend

11) always apologizes for any of his mistakes and is forgiving when others wrong him

12) works his way to join the Quidditch team unlike Draco who most certainly bought his way in

13) destroys at least 2 horcruxes

14) finds out how to defeat a horcrux

15) has an excellent enough memory and observation to notice Harry speaking parseltongue and also using it to his benefit which proves he's resourceful

now since I have 8 more such pictures to rebut and I do have a life, I will stop. These aren't even a twelfth of the remarkable things Ron has done though, so rest assured.

oh wait what did you say about him just existing and not working for anything? If I recall correctly, he did just as well as Harry did in school and didn't score well only in subjects he didn't care about. Which is true for most people except for Hermione who has an eidetic memory which not everyone has, understandably. Rote memorization is not the best way to get by in life, by the way.

what are the "so many reasons" behind why Harry is the best fit for Hermione? Kindly share so I can rebut those too, I'm rather free nowadays, my finals have been cancelled. You say there are so many reasons but don't even give one, yet you want me to take you seriously. I'm afraid that's impossible.

Romione shipper here, i don't dislike Hermione. I haven't met or seen many people in the book!romione fandom who dislike Hermione (except for Movie!Hermione). The question of someone you like ending up with someone you dislike doesn't particularly make sense. In Friends, Chandler ends up with Monica: now I'm not the biggest Monica fan (I don't hate her but I don't like her very much either) but they are my favorite couple because they make sense. It's about compatibility and character traits, not liking or disliking because that's just a set-up for a ghastly invitation for people to pair up hideousness. "Oh yeah, I like Harry and I also like Hagrid, they should be together. I mean it would be very very disgusting but that's my logic, now, you can't fight it. "- that's how you sound. Please read what you write. Your logic is just...abysmal. That's all I can say without breaking my resolve and berating you with colorful profanities.

3)

This is without the doubt, the easiest one to rebut. It's a delight to see such terrible arguments at my disposal. Come on, dear Harmione shippers, write something that makes me question my choices, not things that make me scoff in disbelief.

In this case, you're essentially providing us with theories. Unproved theories and speculation of what you believe because you'd say anything you like. Where's the proof of your theory, though? Where is that crazy radical Romione shipper who does this? Kindly show me these people. Oh yes, you wanna say we objectify Hermione and disrespect her and view her as a prize. This aches me, that you believe this. No one has ever insinuated this, ever, in the history of anything. What is this winner-loser theory? How do you round off Harry Potter to "an alpha-male ends up with lead-lady" trope and still say you're a fan of the series? Harry Potter doesn't fit in with that format. Ron, Hermione and Harry are co-heroes. Similar to how there's no main character in Friends or the Heroes of Olympus series or the Avengers. We're not living in the 80s anymore. Hermione will be a hero, invariably whether she ends up with Harry, Ron or no one. She ends up with Ron and that's it. Talking about her like this doesn't make you sound any better either. Now you're calling me a misogynist because I don't support the ship of two people who describe themselves as siblings. That's very mature of you. Well here's the thing- I'm not a misogynist. It's as simple as that. I believe that women are capable of anything and everything. I believe Hermione is an amazing person and she is a hero and a different person. I believe the series would be impossible without her. I believe she is no one's prize. There's no requirement of a prize. I just think, similar to canon and the truth and her romantic interest, she will have a great relationship with Ron. There's nothing complex or deep about it, really. No personal weird-thing, no psychological complex, no internalized misogyny. There's nothing deeper than what I said. I am not sexist. I am a feminist. I am all for women empowerment. I love women with the fabric of my being. I love Hermione. I think she's amazing. You only become sexist when you ship people with unstable power dynamics, a bully-victim relation or something of the sort. Neither Romione, nor Harmione are sexist. Heck if you paired Neville with Hermione you wouldn't be sexist. And I hate talking about this so much, I can't even tell you. This talk does make it sound like I treat Hermione like an object and I assure you I respect her and I normally won't talk like this unless someone just outright calls me sexist for something that's not sexist. And this is that situation.

4)

in the case of Romione, no one is too good for anyone. Both are amazing people who're heroes and have done amazing work. That's all I have to say. There's no league, they are romantically interested in each other. I have no intention on sounding lame, but, in love there is no league. As long as you're not putting in any effort and are extremely lazy and leech off of your partner, there is no such concept and no, Hermione is not "too good" for him. Unless of course you're talking about movie Hermione, who is too good for anyone.

5) (halftime!)

oh yes they try to pull this off and wonder why we hate them. Classic. This person likes to sound british, so let's switch up our language, yeah? At least then I won't be out of my element. Let me correct ya, Ron at his best is an amazing, loyal, friendly, brave, strategic hero. There you have it. Ron and 'git' can't be used in the same sentence. Now if you talk about Ron's achievements, I re-iterate you to point two. If it's too much work, here:

1) fights a troll when he's 11

2) is willing to sacrifice himself when he's 11

3) stands up for his friends

4) makes sure Harry feels like he belongs in the family

5) worries about Harry and rescues him from literal jail

6) stands up against Draco rather than by-standing and enabling his behavior

7) tries his level best to make sure Norbert the dragon is in safe hands and carries it out, albeit not in perfection

8) is with Harry every step of the way in his confronting the basilisk

9) sends Harry and Hermione long letters and calls them often to check up on them

10) stands up on a bitten leg to defend his best friend

11) always apologizes for any of his mistakes and is forgiving when others wrong him

12) works his way to join the Quidditch team unlike Draco who most certainly bought his way in

13) destroys at least 2 horcruxes

14) finds out how to defeat a horcrux

15) has an excellent enough memory and observation to notice Harry speaking parseltongue and also using it to his benefit which proves he's resourceful

hey, see, I like Ron and I took the time to copy-paste this instead of asking you to scroll up. And I'm a lot of bad things but I am not lazy. I stick to my deadlines like Hermione. I start my homework in library class and continue it during phys ed the day its given. And I am not exaggerating. Bloody hell, I wish I was. I'm the ceo of deadlines, mate, don't tempt me! So you can see that Ron is much more than just a "nice bloke". And being a "nice bloke" isn't a bad thing either. He's all the things I said: intuitive, strategic, helpful, loyal and on top of that he's also a nice person. Yes, I do see a bit of myself in Ron. I do. I see the insecure side. I waste my time hating myself and criticizing myself and undermining myself, telling me I'm no good. But Ron overcomes that. He inspires me to appreciate myself. Is that a bad thing? Are you going to shame me for having a low self-esteem? Do you want to worsen my low self-esteem and make me feel more like shit?

Now the person who replied to your comment saying, "he isn't a nice bloke most of time.", he is. He is not being nice twice in a span of 7 years. How often do you act rudely or with jealousy? Wasn't Harry yelling at everyone in caps lock in OOTP. Now I don't condemn him for that because he's a fucking hormonal teenager like me and that would make me a hypocrite, but by your logic why don't you condemn him? Or why not condemn Hermione for saying "I only date good Quidditch players" and shoving canaries at Ron's face because someone else kissed him, while she kept using Krum and Cormac to make him jealous. She wasn't being a nice girl, then, was she? Now, once again, i don't dislike her or hold that against her because guess what, mate, I'm a hormonal teenage girl who gets jealous most of the time and would probably react in a similar fashion in the spur of the moment (Not defending her actions here, just putting myself in her shoes.) In short, Ron is a nice bloke MOST OF THE TIME.

6)

It would be misogynistic to think that. The thing is, NO ONE DOES my dear friend! My dear daft friend. I have never heard anyone say that! why are you so hell-bent on portraying us as misogynists when no one ever says that? Stop assuming. Just stop. You are crossing a limit here, aren't you? Yes you are. You cannot say these sort of things. We never said that or believed that, no one ever said this to be a reason to ship Romione. God what is wrong with you? Literally, stop fucking ASSUMING god damn it! Do you want me to assume things about Harmione shippers? Do you want me to go there? Because I will go there! I will go there the moment you tell me to. Just challenge me.

Ron is not a perfect best boi , the reason why so many of us like him is that he's imperfect and tries to become better through the course of time. You are once again assuming and I am once again asking you to stop.

Ron might be an ordinary wizard. He might be poor, sure, but he's a pure-blood and won't face much if he chose not to fight. But he did. He fought. Now I identify with Ron's attitude a fair bit, but I am also likely to spend my day in a library without noticing. People aren't one dimensional. Stop trying to act like you're a psychologist, i know you're not. I don't even think Hermione's overbearing at all! You just insulted someone you're a big fan of. Jesus.

Both Hermione and Ron are strategic, jealous, passionate, feisty, argumentative, intellectual...

that's like 6 similarities. They aren't polar opposites in the slightest. Their differences are just: workaholic, not workaholic. Nerd, not a nerd. Like that's fucking it, man!

8)

being relaxed doesn't make you less independent or driven. A relaxed and levelheaded Hermione will think through things, not be impulsive, not panic etc. She doesn't need Ron. I don't understand your obsession with acting like we ever insinuated that. Then she doesn't need Harry either lol. Stop shipping her with Harry, then or like shut the fuck up. Being a bit relaxed won't stop her or anyone from hitting great strides. Just don't get relaxed to the point you're lazy and casual about everything, that's it.

9)

What do you mean? Ron is balanced. He does finish his work on time. And even if he does procrastinate, she could also help him not and be more driven. Of course, this is an open invitation for you to call me a sexist bitch because I said that she could help him and now you'll think her goal is to help him become better yada yada yada. Fuck off. Defeating the horcrux taught him enough. He respected her. He remembered about the elves when she didn't. He begged to be tortured instead of her. He wouldn't need it because school work and jobs are different and the same person might perceive those differently. Calmness and relaxation doesn't hinder your potential. Not caring and laziness does. You can't function if you work and are stressed 24/7 with zero breaks. Period.

10)

No i do not want (nor does anyone want) Hermione to become Ron. Being slightly calmer doesn't change up your personality. I'm sure many people dislike those sort of fanfics without a doubt. I hate OOC and I don't want Hermione to lose her intellect with Ron because that makes no sense. Ron himself is intellectual and loves arguing with her. They'd boost each other, more like it.

-------

okay thats it i am exhausted as fuck. thanks for reading, i appreciate it. notes and reblogs are appreciated, this takes work.

[thatlittleegyptologist]

Hi, welcome to this blog! Here’s a few things you should know:

I’m from the UK, and have only experienced the UK education/University system. I can’t help you with getting into College/University in the US or any other country. 

I’m over 18 (in my 30s), so if that makes you uncomfortable then don’t follow. In fact, I'd strongly advise you didn't if you're under 18

Yes I am aware of and have watched/played: The Mummy/The Mummy Returns/Stargate/Stargate SG-1/Night at the Museum/Assassin's Creed Origins. No, I don't really want to give you my opinion on them.

I don't follow Kemeticism, and thus know nothing about Kemetic religious practices. Please direct your asks to someone better suited to help you with those, as I'd rather you got advice from the right people. There are plenty of lovely Kemetics out there willing to help though!

I block blogs that have no title/default avatar or pfp/no content/no likes/no explanation for why the blog is blank like 'this is my main but I use my secondary blog mostly'. This site has too much of a problem with Pr0n bots for me to allow random no content blogs to follow that later use my content as a way to legitimise themselves.

My knowledge base is pretty secure up until the end of the New Kingdom and some of the Late Period. Don't ask about anything after 500BCE because there's a higher chance of me being wrong.

That being said: Don't use the answers you find here as answers to essays or arguments with teachers/professors. Not only could I very well be wrong (so potential for you to look silly), but I'm also not a legitimate academic source. This is a tumblr blog not an academic journal. If you want to use the academic sources provided to then write your own essay, go ahead. Source analysis is key, and this blog is not a good source.

No, the search function isn't broken I just don't have that function turned on for my blog.

This is a personal blog, not a pure Egyptology blog. I will just reblog whatever amuses me, and it won’t always be about Ancient Egypt. 

I don’t work in Egyptology currently...or maybe I do? You'll never know! That's the beauty of me not telling you. I do have a working background in the field, but this gives me no power or influence. I won't tell you what I do for work, regardless of what it is I actually do, because I value my privacy. So if you want to think of me as working in Egyptology, cool. If you want to think of me as having an office job, also cool.

I will get things wrong because I don’t know everything. If you've got some helpful information please share! If me being wrong somehow upsets you, just block and move on.

If you’re here due to the Animal Headed Gods post here’s a link to an ask explaining it. Hint: they’re not furries. That post was originally made in 2017, and I deleted the original to save myself from the notes.

If you’re here because of the Pub Quiz post. Please know that it took place in 2016 and I am very much done talking about it. I don’t care if you believe it happened or not, and I’m aware it was posted to multiple ‘Tumblr Lies’ instagram/reddit accounts. Save your breath because I got enough ‘and the whole bus clapped’ comments and anon hate at the time simply for drunk posting what happened to me. Please know that I thought I was relaying a story of something that happened to me, to the friends and the 200ish people who followed me at the time, and never anticipated it was going to go viral. I’d also appreciate people not posting it off this site as I get a lot of grief for it.

Yes I am aware my posts are on reddit/instagram/facebook etc etc. No I don't want to be made aware of where they are.

As for the FAQ,

In the interests of preserving my sanity, and now providing a response to ‘I can’t get your FAQ on mobile’ you absolutely can here’s a nice big ol’ link to my FAQ that’s now a pinned post at the top of my blog (iOS users only- Android users see below).

HERE IS A LINK TO THE FAQ

For Android users, you might want to copy the following url

 thatlittleegyptologist.tumblr.com/FAQ 

and paste it into your Chrome browser and then select ‘request desktop site’ from the meatball menu (the three dots) as the above link only works for those on iOS and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s a tumblr issue, not a me issue. If you don’t know how to ‘request desktop site’ in Android, here’s a link to a tutorial.

Finally!

This blog is trans-supportive. Trans women are women and trans men are men. If you are straight trans you are as valid as queer trans folks, and you don’t need to be dysphoric to be trans. It’s likely that I may still make honest mistakes when talking about these things I am always open to be corrected politely. TERFs caught co-opting any of our explanations about Hatshepsut in order to invalidate the trans experience will be blocked and reported. I do not and will not tolerate hatred towards trans people, or the wider LGBTQIA+ community, in any shape or form.

[annaliss17]

Ani Is The Biggest Mary Sue Since The Invetion Of The Term.

Prepare for quite a long rant peppered with heavy sarcasm and spoilers. This is also posted on reddit.

In S3 we see Hannah Baker replaced as main character with Ani Achola. Now, before I start to get into this I want to make very clear the fact that I hold nothing against her skin color or gender and neither the actress who plays the character. I just hate her for her. Here's why:

1) Not even a couple of minutes into the show, in her case into the shool, and she suddenly is that one girl who gets along with everybody in a place where everyone hated absolutely everyone. She gets along with everyone she comes in contact with, especially the 'bad guy' Bryce Walker. Because it makes total sense for his character to suddenly fall in love with the new girl and not want to be just fuck buddies or something.

2) Everyone tells her everything because, yeah, apparently, it is that easy. Just march up there ask what happened and they will tell you everything in detail. The characters included her so fast, it makes me wonder why weren't they so cooperative with the police since they were all about telling everything that happened since they started school. Stupid.

3) The main character and the main villan fall in love with her, fight for her and because of her, because it is totally unpredictable to be involved a love triangle a couple of weeks into a new town. Cliche.

4) She became everyone's best friend although she barely knew their names. Best example is Jessica Davis who treats her probably better than/just like Hannah. Because it doesn't make any sense for Jess to be close with Courtney (who has been sexually assaulted as well up to a point) or Sheri (What happened to Sheri?) or even poor Chloe who actually had some history with Bryce. But the new girl? Hell yeah!

5) She has some kind of a bad past, a classic Mary Sue trait. Being just with her mother and moving into the house her mother's working in means they are not financially doing okay or extraordinary. She said about Amara Josephine that she is strict and she pretends to be around her someone she is not. Boo hoo, gonna cry in a corner of a sphere room for you love.

6) She is super smart because, God forbid, a classic Mary Sue cannot be stupid. Being into robotics' class and a bunch of other clubs (although she might not really be in them and just say that to get her mother off her back from time to time) and almost always stuck with her nose in books or doing homework if she's not at school.

7) Tying up to what I said previously, almost always with her nose in books, studying, or doing homework, she beats Bryce at poker. And again it makes total sense (please note the irony since you can't hear my tone) for someone like her who doesn't know how to play poker be shockingly good at it despite Bryce obviously playing for years and knowing a trick or two. Bcause beginner's luck beats experience, right?

8) She knows all about comics, different universes, cosplaying, lores, mythology, etc... just like every other girl in the universe.

9) She is shown to be very good at art. Another classic Mary Sue trait, being a good actress or singer or artist, or why not? All in one. So we have so far, art, comics, sewing costumes for cosplaying, brains, super duper friendly, still not convinced? Next one then.

10) She bravely stands up to the bullies. To be specific, Monty. When she and Clay follow him home and he gets out of the house after another round of fighting with his father, Clay just wants to get out of there but she stands her ground asking him if that's blood. Because Monty is really pretending to be a bad guy, ask Tyler, but Clay the coward tells her they need to go because never in history has a Mary Sue backed down when the bully showed up. Monty, in case you haven't noticed, can't hurt a fly and would totally run away if you challenged him. He is super innocent. I heard he can't even throw a punch.

11) Fair warning, this is the biggest spoiler I'm about to give. In the end she saves everyone. Actually just Clay, but yeah she saves the day by blaming Bryce's death entirely on Monty. Monty who considered Bryce his brother and was loyal to him in S2 as a dog would so kill him. It's so obvious. You don't see it because we can't all use our brains like Ani. Because Alex should in no circumstances pay for consciously comitting a murder after not too long ago being the only one who wanted to have the truth come out and everyone face the consequences of what they had done back when the tapes were not public. He's the good guy and Bryce is dead so all hail Ani the hero!

If you read this, thank for your time. I really wanted to get it out of my system because S3 sucked for me specifically because of that Mary Sue, sorry, Ani. If you don't agree, then that's all on you. If you try to argue my arguments with yours, that's fine too perhaps I might even agree with some of them. But don't tell me that she isn't the biggest Mary Sue since the invention of the term because I will totally roll my eyes. I saw from Youtube, Facebook, Insta, Tumblr, that a lot of people don't like her either so feel free to tell me your reasons and let's all pray together that Ani doesn't come back for season 4 to ruin the show.

I hope you have a lovely day/night wherever you are.

[contentbaer]

How to build White Hat SEO Links for Contentbär SEO

So, how do you go about doing true White Hat SEO link building these days? This is perhaps the most often asked question of mine.

To be honest, there is a LOT of incorrect material on the internet about how to accomplish link building that isn't "WHITE HAT."

To be clear, requesting for links for the sole goal of getting them is against Google Webmaster Guidelines and hence not “white hat.”

The good news is that you may now produce a significant return on investment without manually establishing links. Today, I'm going to show you how I've been able to naturally grow links and generate cash without writing a single email, guest post, purchasing a PBN, or doing anything else that link builders do to build links, and how you can do the same.

Does that make sense? Let's get started.

Build Authority for Contentbär Contest Using Your Market's Vulnerabilities

SEO is marketing, not magic. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: it's not magic. Rankings for keywords and links are only a small element of marketing that will ideally result in dollar signs. So, if you could find alternative ways to get revenue outside rating a webpage, wouldn't you want to? The importance of competitor research cannot be overstated.

Here's how to spot flaws in your specialty, as well as how to turn those flaws into natural links and long-term advantages. Take a look at your top 3-5 competitors' platforms to discover where they perform the poorest and best. Determine what works and what doesn't for them.

Is it skyscraper (long form) content that they're after? Maybe 10 minute Youtube videos with unique layouts? Do they have a successful Twitter outreach strategy? and so on. The argument is that if you're just starting out and want links, don't reinvent the wheel; instead, concentrate on establishing authority. To put it another way, strive to copy what your competitors are doing first and then innovate, rather than the other way around.

Consider the following scenario: Because the market on YouTube was so undersaturated in comparison to Google when I launched my SEO service, I started developing big content there. I now have 25k subscribers and over 1 million views on my YouTube channel, and I generate clients, backlinks, reviews, and other revenue from that asset alone on a regular basis. That isn't all, though.

I'm able to divert traffic to new assets that I want to promote and make money off of, such as Facebook groups, blog entries, courses, and so on, thanks to the authority I've built on YouTube. And, if I choose, I can leverage the authority and viewership I've built on Youtube to build links simply by discussing the new assets I'm developing.

In a moment, I'll expand on this. Value is quite important.

If you're having trouble getting links, it's likely that you're not providing enough value for your audience to link back to or share the material you're creating. Alternatively, you may have no audience at all. That is why you must have a strong foundation.

Look, it may seem obvious, but figuring out who you're selling to and what they genuinely want in the first place, if you haven't already, is critical. At the end of the day, you must understand: There are two categories of users who will see your article.

People who are likely to purchase from you

Individuals who will link to you There are some similarities here, but for the most part, people who buy from you are unlikely to connect back to you. So, at first, your content and authority development should ideally be aimed toward the people who will connect to you.

Is that clear?

Doing a roundup or an interview is a great approach to gain links from these folks. Pitchbox is my favorite tool for this because it allows me to connect with some of the world's top experts in any subject with just a few clicks. Take, for example, a recent article I wrote about "the top SEO tools recommended by professionals." All of this outreach was automated, and it only took a few minutes to get the piece published. Every single one of these suggestions came from people with blogs and, in some cases, large social media followings. Not only do I get almost free content from people who know a lot about the subject I'm having them write about, but I also get the chance to gain a link from them in the future because they were mentioned in the piece.

Let's go one step further for Contentbär.

I also now have a direct line of communication with these individuals, so if any of them have unusually high authority in the industry, I could invite them to an interview on my Youtube channel, then give them the video and transcription to post on their site with a link back to me. Again, focusing on building connections and substance rather than going out to random website owners and asking for a link is a WAY better marketing strategy. Make something that people want to tell their friends about.

Figure out what your industry's true needs are if you really want to establish links. Some SEOs seems to only want to do the following:

Investigate keywords.

Find a keyword with a large search volume that appears to be profitable.

Create material based on a guess at the word count.

Inquire about linkages.

I'm hoping the page will be ranked.

For a variety of reasons, this is a bad plan.

If you want to rank for something, you should first check at what is already ranking well for that topic. It's possible that the content is already well-formatted, with thousands of words, video, photographs, comments, and so on, and in that case, simply putting words on a website isn't going to cut it.

You're trying to figure out why Google is giving that page such a high rating in the first place. It's usually because the post is something that people genuinely want.

After you've figured out these two things, you'll want to aim to beat the average user intent and go above and above in terms of not just word count, photos, video, and so on, but also in terms of beating whatever the average expectation for that post is.

If someone is looking for top gaming tips for "insert new game," and the best article on the market is some weak post about 3 strategies to win, which isn't even directly targeting what people are looking for, you could easily write an article on the top 5 gaming tips and rate it without a single link.

If you want to build links, though, you should aim to go above and beyond the average and make the top 50-100 gaming advice, and BOOM, you've got something special worth connecting to. In terms of naturally creating links, obviously you won't want to just generate content and hope someone reads it; instead, you'll want to use the strategies I outlined earlier to bring in more visitors. Here's how I'm going to promote the article you're reading right now.

Originally, I'll have it indexed by Google Search Console so that Google knows the stuff I'm authoring first appeared here.

After that, I'll make a video in which I read this article and add my own thoughts and observations. Once the film is released, I'll link it back to this page in the hopes of having it rank as a video in Google Search as well (making sure I add JSON-LD video markup to the post with a plugin I acquired).

Then I'll take the video and post it on my Facebook group, page, and personal profile in its native format. I'll publish the video to similar other SEO groups after I see how well it performs.

After that, I'll directly repost this post on Reddit. Then, to target recent visitors, I'll launch a remarketing campaign on Facebook advertisements.

Then I'll send an email to my 4k-strong email list, telling people to read the piece and watch the video. After that, I'll share this article on LinkedIn.

You get my drift. At the end of the day, my Youtube video or blog post may only receive a few hundred views and appear on Google's or Youtube's fourth page.

However, my article on various assets will acquire THOUSANDS of views before it even ranks, thus increasing the chances that I will obtain a link or a share.

So there you have it, that's how I develop links without going out and doing it myself, and how you can do it too. If anything was unclear, please let me know by leaving a comment and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

[sui-senka]

The dumbest post

I think y’all should be here to witness the dumbest post I’ll ever make, as I’m not all about getting into discourse and that, and any other self-identifying Vergil lovers please come here:

@creepyscritches, @brasspetalsx, @fandomhell97, @breezeinmonochromenight, @kaldea88, @xalmasyx, @hornyangrybean, @noir-sorrow, @catspook, @xenontrioxide, @zilla-may-cry, @boobble, @vergilshusband, @tifaroni, @littlebluewraith, @im-a-clown, @genovaempera, @neodicronus, @thelessiknowtheworse, @thriilsy, @jestermania, @bunny-girl-sweetseek, @darka3363, @witchkiid, @45, @manadebutt, @magsamaire, @spaghetti-queerghetti, @clairexredfields, @204863-yunglynn, @yuri-subtext, @miss-soso-25, @josuke-kujo, @cameguisada, @trionfi, @glitteryhumanfiretrash, @lewdbunbun, @journalofsparda, @complacentdevil, @infernokid, @emogodmatthew, @brit-o-raptor, @salsa-and-chips, @gemstone-enema

I’d like y’all to bear witness, as I take down this bitch-ass clown. As I’ve blocked the person in question that I want to call out - please tag them into this post to have at them ;) Also - to the other people that didn’t get this, tag your mutuals and get them here.

I’d also like to announce that @thephantomporg84 is now masquerading as @derelict-stranger, and I got a few messages a few days ago about how she was gonna take down her account, and how she wants me to block all of you, which is ridiculous as you are all blogs that I have known and followed way before her and also I don’t know you either. I told her that I didn’t want to be involved in her drama, but here I am. 

It’s kinda hard for me to make this post, as I genuinely thought that she was cool in the beginning - she helped to give me more DMC asks in my inbox, and she always reblogged my stuff, as I’ve been trying to make it with the big guys - like @myfairmidnightladyspade.

But I saw the stuff that she says online to you all, and I think I got some anon messages from her asking if I was a terf or not... and yeah - my heart broke. I feel like I have been deceived in some way. What I wanted to be there was someone who was cool, and funny to talk to, but turns out that person is petty, heartless, immature and straight up spiteful.

I may have to justify myself in why I got messages from her - I was only trying to console her, but to do it in a neutral way as I wanted no part in her drama.

Also - i’m probably not gonna show any evidence for how much she sucks cause there’s tags and anon posts dedicated to that sort of thing

I want you on tumblr, and you on Reddit to find her, and in the /v/ section of 4chan to block her and report her for all she’s done. I want you to wipe her existence from the internet until there is nothing left.

Now - I need to change the flow of the conversation by directing it to you, @derelict-stranger.

I’d like you to kindly log off, take a breather and think, for a second about the actions that you’ve done to the people that I’ve mentioned above. 

I’d also like to tell you that your suggestion to block all those people above is complete nonsense. Why would you make me block blogs who have perfectly decent and awesome content, and to those who I have talked to longer than you? why would you make me block blogs who I don’t know? Quit trying to get me on your side. I want no part in your drama like I said before, and stop trying to manipulate me into getting me to give a shit about you.

I’d also like to tell you that your situation is entirely self-inflicted. That you trying to talk to me won’t work, the only reason that people are apparently “attacking you” - is because you, in fact, are the instigator, are the catalyst of all this hatred.

You - @derelict-stranger, lack any ability whatsoever to disagree well. From where I’m looking, all of this started because you don’t like Vergil from the Devil May Cry games and you don’t like the plot of 5, which seems extremely stupid to me, as he’s only a small-ish part of 1, one of the best boss-fights in 3 and just a mere mention in 4. The fact that you need to incessantly attack content creators who merely like him is stupid. Either keep those opinions to yourself, ignore them, or do my favourite -> stick ‘em up your big stupid ass.

It’s also stupid that when people merely like him - you have to bring in your own shitty opinions. No one asked you what you thought, and I’m pretty sure you’re actively seeking out fights with people just to feel good about yourself. It’s also super hypocritical of you ragging on about how much Vergil sucks, when you go crazy for Kylo Ren, as they share some similarities in terms of their vibes and traits. (Yeah - I see you asking for smutty Kylo Ren x Reader requests online.....) Why do you get pissy when people like villainous fictional characters - do your knickers

What I just want to know is what kind of personal gratification you get when you actively hate on a character, and what kind of gratification you get when just because someone disagrees with you - that you have to result using death threats, rape threats, pedophilia threats, racism, slurs, and ableism,  transphobia, alt-right rhetoric, neo-Nazi shit, pro-Trump, and homophobic comments to content creators just doin’ their own thing. Is it just to feel like the bigger man, is it to make yourself sound smarter than the other person (Cause you don’t) - like what actually motivates you, what actually makes you want to shit on other people’s parades, huh? Sounds to me like you need to get a life.

The fact that you always need to play the victim is sad and pathetic too:

- That you’re on the spectrum: - Okay, there are a lot of people who are on the spectrum here on tumblr. But they don’t use it as an excuse to justify shitty behaviour especially if it’s unitentional. as I’m sure they and the people they know are. I’m sure they apologise and try to get on with life like how NT people do. As you know - a lot of people of the spectrum feel like they’re being treated as sub-human being babies that do nothing but screech all the time, and they’re taking action to change those perceptions. Your behaviours are not helping their cause.

- That you use depression as an excuse - I’m kinda sympathetic to the whole mental health issues thing. I have them too. In fact, I am a hot mess. But I don’t use that to excuse me hurting other people with intention, and I’m sure many others don’t either. At least 1/4 or 1/3 will have some mental health issues in their life, and yeah, it sucks, and it’s common but it doesn’t make them exempt from them being called out on their shitty acts. the fact that so many people are and can be mentally ill doesn’t make you special, and it doesn’t give you a free pass to attack others.

- The fact that you try to bait people into making anti-semitic comments, so you can call them anti-semitic. Dude, that’s low. I’m pretty sure that’s gaslighting and manipulation as well. You don’t get the right to use your religion/race in that way as a defence when you’re feeling attacked so that you come off a better person. I’m friends with many jewish people, and they’d never have the gall to do that. I know that your peeople have had it rough, but you can’t use that in an argument just to prove that the other one is a piece of shit, when it is in fact you. I’m muslim, a WOC, and ancestrally speaking, from a country that your so-beloved president essentially banned their right to seek a better life in the states. For as long as I can remember - I’ve seen news about my kind being universally hated, I’ve been brought up in a post-9/11 world where for as long as I can remember that me and our kind are the enemy (so I can sympathise) - but you don’t see me and other muslims here using those petty tactics that you use, because unlike you, we’re not myopic and we know that won’t get us anywhere.

I mean, this behaviour sounds bratty and childish - so I was thinking, she’ll probably grow out of it. Then I find that you’re in you’re mid-twenties, and I think “you really haven’t grown up at all, have you?”, and honestly it just makes the behaviour worse as you are resulting to middle school/high school tactics -> especially making me block all those people, calling them sociopaths and evil bitches. This ain’t high school or Mean Girls, moron, this is a fandom. A place where people can create, share, like and comment on content that makes you happy. I don’t think you understand what that means - cause all I see, and everyone sees is you spewing hatred everywhere. Fandoms are supposed to make you feel included, feel happy, feel safe, be a place to make friends. I don’t think you know that, and I don’t think you are even smart enough to realise that you are the reason why our fandom isn’t happy.

And honestly, at this point, the hatred you are getting is well deserved. You deserve to feel like shit if all you are going to do is make others feel like shit.

I don’t know what else to say but:

1. Get the hell away from our fandom

2. Get rid of your internet connection.

3. Get a life.

4. We don’t want you here.

5. You’re scum.

6. Go suck a dick, or flick a bean, whatever gets you off you troglodyte.

I liked you man, I really did. Then I saw how you treat others, and now I know I made a dumb life choice in making friends with you. If only you weren’t such a piece of shit, we could have been good friends.

I don’t want you here on tumblr. They don’t want you here. No-one wants or needs a toxic parasite like you on this website.

Yours sincerely,

sui-senka, who just sucked Vergil’s dick yesterday, and liked it.

[evieyuzukaisabigot]

I want to preface this post by saying that I struggled on if I should write it or not. I don’t think callout posts are entirely useful in changing someone’s behavior and, more often than not, end up making them feel as if they are still in the right. It is not my intention for this person to be harassed. It is my intention to warn other players about them so that those players can avoid this person.

That being said, you could have avoided this, Evie. But you decided to make logs public on Reddit in order to attack <EMBER>. You posted those logs in three separate threads under the username FlayFlag. So, here we go.

This is a post about Evie Yuzuka, also known as Narumi Malaguld and Ellie Amor.

On June 2nd, 2019 you joined The Order of Ember roleplay free company (also known as <EMBER>). Less than two hours later, an individual that led another roleplay free company whispered one of the officers to warn them about your behavior.  When the officer in question brought this up to you, you said that you had changed and that you hoped you could start with a clean slate. You then proceeded to whisper your previous free company leader to harass them for warning <EMBER>. Screenshots here, though I’ve edited out the name of the person Evie whispered since I don’t have their consent to post their name.

Trust me when I say that this level of harassment is not uncommon from Evie, as you will soon see.

At the same time that this warning took place, multiple members of <EMBER> mentioned knowing of you or having a problem with your attitude. Still, the officer staff decided to give you a chance, seeing as you had claimed that you were trying to better yourself.

Five days later, you spent the early morning of June 7th, 2019 being a transphobe. Yikes.

I was not a witness to this exchange, as I personally would have taken screenshots rather than a text log. Still, I will post the text log here. Please keep in mind that some of the language used here can be upsetting, so proceed at your own risk. While Evie is not on their main, they are on an alt (named Narumi Malaguld). I have taken the liberty of highlighting Narumi/Evie’s responses so that the log is easier to read.This took place in Ul’dah shout chat.

I think I can speak for us all when I say: gross.

During or immediately after this conversation, Evie was pulled into a chat with <EMBER>’s officers. These screenshots are presumably taken by Evie, as they were posted to the aforementioned Reddit threads.

Here is a link to the imgur.

Here is a backup link in case the first one gets deleted.

The officers attempted to be reasonable. You had been warned already not to start drama and yet you did. You decided to be a transphobe in the middle of Ul’dah in a public channel while representing <EMBER>. On a roleplay server, you are often as good as your reputation. It’s fine if you want to throw your reputation in the gutter – that’s your prerogative. But as a representative of the free company, you might as well have been screaming that <EMBER> held the same beliefs you do. When you found out that what you did was not okay, you pitched a fit.

And then you got kicked.

You have this bizarre need to constantly be on a crusade, Evie. If you feel you’ve been wronged, you need to be vindicated. While I don’t have the context of this exchange, here is another set of screenshots of Evie starting drama with what appears to be a Coeurl roleplay group. The language used by Evie alone was enough to raise my eyebrows when I first read it.

Here’s the thing: I don’t care about the drama concerning <EMBER>. What I care about is that fact that you’re transphobic, Evie. Final Fantasy XIV has an amazing LGBTQ+ community. You said during your argument in shout chat and during your conversation with the officers of <EMBER> that it is just your opinion and that thoughts are different than actions. What you fail to realize is that by normalizing your highly bigoted opinion, you are making it okay to commit acts of violence against the people you say those things about.

Frankly, you should be ashamed of yourself.

I said in the beginning of this post that I was conflicted about writing this. That was, of course, until your Reddit post. You could have kept quiet. You could have slinked away to lick your wounds. You don’t know who I am but I’ve been watching this unfold from the beginning. In the words of a very old copypasta from the internet, with some liberties:

“What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know that I graduated top of my class in Limsa Lominsa. I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Bahamut and I have over 300 confirmed wipes. I am trained in PvP warfare and I’m the top roleplayer in the entire Crystal data center. You are nothing to me but just another bigot. I will wipe you the fuck out with DPS the likes of which has never been seen before in Eorzea, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to my friends over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak, I’m contacting my secret network of spies and your various accounts are being tracked right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your roleplay character. You’re fucking ruined, Evie. I can be anywhere, anytime, and screenshot you in over seven hundred ways and that’s just me alone. Not only only am I extensively trained in /random combat but I have access to the entire catalog of custom combat systems on Crystal and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little comment was going to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You will drown in it. You’re fucking ruined, kiddo.”

That’s all I have to say about that. Thanks for reading.

Wait, one more thing: don’t use the same username across your different accounts.

The Links

Lodestone links:

Evie Yuzuka lodestone (main character), ID #20466185

Narumi Malaguld lodestone (alt #1). ID#23056294

Ellie Amor lodestone (alt #2), ID#18928985

Social media:

Evie’s Twitter (Confirmed via the discord link in which Evie is the owner of the server)

Evie’s Twitch (Linked in the twitter)

Evie’s Steam (Private but the same logo as the twitter is present)

Evie’s REAL Reddit profile (Confirmed by being linked to the Twitter)

While I can’t link it, Evie’s discord username is Evie#1000

Imgur links/logs:

The conversation with <EMBER>’s officers

The Coeurl conversation

The Ul’dah log

A picture from this thread that I thought was funny. Why do you have such a problem with authority?

Miscellaneous:

Evie’s Wildstar character names, just in case anyone recognizes them: Kiarri Shimizu (if you google this, Evie Yuzuka’s lodestone profile pops up), Evie Miura. Evie might also have been Azami Starflower, but I’m not absolutely positive of that.

PS: I’m not an officer of <EMBER>. They are my friends and I’m just nice enough to stand up for them since they’re all too nice to say anything.

[knightofbalance-13]

https://rampantlytyping.tumblr.com/post/174581718969/for-fuck-sake

“Oh, it gets worse. Because I’ve read the archives of KOB’s reddit account. (Link here for reference, someone may wanna archive this in case KOB pulls a Delete Fucking Everything)

Never before have I seen something that would backfire so hard.

First of all, I’d recommend a look at the very first comment on that Reddit account, which was a screed about FatManFalling’s Volume 3 review. So much of modern KOB can be traced back here- has hatred of the word “the” and insistence on trying to replace it with “teh,” his long paragraphs, condescending attitude and personal attacks/insults (Also, for the record, “Fatass” is one of the worst mocking nicknames I’ve ever see on Reddit).

Actually-

https://www.reddit.com/r/RWBY/comments/5jdst1/cowardly_lion_taiyang_fanfiction/

This is. Thing is: this would HUMANIZE me. But god knows you can’t think of your opposition as human.

First is mischaractization.

Second is not a moral argument.

Third is conflating me being angry with who I am normally.

And fourth is downplayed since this whole post is nothing BUT a personal attack.

Also: Never said I was clever.

There’s also this post after Volume 4 which is basically “So the RWDE tag sucks amirite?”

No, the title is what I meant.

But a relevant comment that Caddeter and @psyga315 should see is this one. I’ll quote it directly, emphasis mine at the end:

Backfire in 3...2...1

“Now I know many of you are thinking “Why should I care?”

Well, because these people are in a dangerous mindset of ignoring everything that isn’t their opinion and warping that to justify their feelings.

I gave a comment on this journal pointing out the flaws in his work. The closest thing I said to an insult was saying that his usage of the term “man-pain” was stupid in any context. And when I admitted I wasn’t aiming towards him but his audience who weren’t sure about V3’s finale, he blocked me, deleted my comments (EDIT: he’s admitted to being wrong about teh previous two and has restored my comments. Still blocked but I have a way around it that he knows) and warped my words. Something he claimed Miles and Kerry did, minus the last part.

I ask of you: Say what you think about this. And not just the journal, what you thought of Pyrrha’s death. Not what he said, not what I said. But what you want to say.

Now GO!”

Now, if I was a generous man, this in context could be KOB asking for discussion on the Reddit.

I am not a generous man. To me, it looks like KOB deliberately inciting the Reddit post-Volume 3 (when they were most protective of RWBY as it was the last season that Monty would have definitely worked on) and encouraging them to dogpile the journal author.

Yeah...

Three things:

A. The time period this was made is post Volume 4, Not 3. So that’s bullshit.

B. https://www.reddit.com/r/RWBY/comments/5khw9y/my_thoughts_on_pyrrhas_death_rwby_and_rt_by_jswf/dbo9z0v/

Oh hey look, there’s someone disagreeing witrh me and I ENCOURAGED them. So that’s also bullshit.

C. https://www.reddit.com/r/RWBY/comments/5khw9y/my_thoughts_on_pyrrhas_death_rwby_and_rt_by_jswf/dboysk7/

Okay everyone, I have to ask that no one goes to the link and comments. The author is getting too stressed out by his debate with me and I don't want him to break.

So please, keep your discussions here.

Outright contradicted. Three strikes, you’re out.

And the worst thing? He had no empathy to the situation. Quote (again, emphasis mine):

“Well, don’t fight him. He’s…not right in the head.

Like I was arguing with him and he…wanted to kill himself.

And I didn’t even try being mean.”

Remember that in the Deviantart comments, KOB said that he could be “far far far crueler.”

As evidence by this post, where I am going to turn EVERYTHING against you. https://comments.deviantart.com/1/619991269/4290345087?offset=25#comments “*Sigh* Look, I never meant for you to get this stressed out. Hell, I understand where your coming from. Thinking about killing myself is such a common occurrence now I'm not even fazed by it anymore. So putting aside my feeling towards you and your conduct, I want you to listen to what i have to say: Your life matters. No matter what you think I've said, no matter what other people have said, no matter what you say, your life matters. You have friends and family who love and care about you and if you kill yourself, all it will do is wound those around you. It's painful I know but it's true. The best thing you can do is seek help above all else. Trust me, psychiatrists maybe be expensive by by divinty' sake they are miracle workers. And I know you're sick of hearing about this anime but really, look up Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann. That anime is a large part of why I get out of bed in the morning even thought I know there's a very good chance I'll choke to death on my breakfast, lunch or dinner or that my life probably doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things. It taught me to keep moving forward no matter what I lose or what I suffer because there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The journey is hard and long but it's worth it. I never intended on hurting you. Had I known you were this psychologically fragile or you were this invested in Pyrrha I would have said nothing. I understand where you are coming from and I'm sorry I did so much damage to you. I was wrong and you were right. Good day.” No empathy huh? “Also while I’m here, how about this long callout post about RWBY Analysis after she was angry at some art from Dishwasher that had Enabler undertones (complete with the classic “I used to respect you” card which you can always imagine someone saying within the context “I used to respect you when you agreed with me.”). And here’s her reaction, which should be recorded alongside the Great Fire of London as one of the greatest burns in history.”

Ah yes, a callout post...Where I didn’t call her out once...

But I guess the actual post looks pretty fucking bad for you (https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/172361707730/httpsrwby-analysistumblrcompost172345982047) since it is short and-oh yeah-SHE WAS SLANDERING SOMEONE. Good job completely missing the point eh?

But sure Knight of Balance. Tell us all about how you never meant for any of this to escalate and how sorry you were. It’s not like your own accounts show you to be a liar who instigated a harassment campaign and showed no empathy upon hearing that it was partially successful. You can surround yourself all you want with your little cabal of white knights like Sunder the Gold and MageKnight who will go to bat for you when they can. You can claim all you want that what you do is a crusade to purify RWBY and Make The FNDM Great Again or some bullshit like that because you seem to think that if you kill RWDE, Miles will personally fly out to thank you for saving RWBY. And you can even run to other fandoms like Darling in the Franxx or FLCL where your name isn’t poison. But we all know what you are.

I didn’t mean for thing to escalate as evident by how I TRIED TO STOP IT,

No empathy when I actively tried to call him down MYSELF.

That sounds pretty fucking ironic  considering that you surround yourself in haters like Dudeblade and Cadder there who will never ever think to question you or themselves. But as for that Sunder thing.. Well I’ll get to that latter but let’s just say, it’s a show of self control how I’m not screaming my head off.

Oh and you’re any different? You probably think ‘I f I get rid of all the fanboys, M&K will HAVE TO listen to my obviously not biased criticism and I’ll Make RWBY Great Again! Then Monty Sempai will rise form the grave to thank me for saving his legacy!’

Please, I’d sit Miles down and give him a lecture on how a timeline is VERY important for a long running show and keeping time skips vague to ‘avoid plotholes’ would in fact make MORE of them. Though I’d probably force him to attend a writing class, Just because I respect the guy doesn’t mean I see him as flawless.

Yerah, doesn’t work when I did the EXACT SAME THING I did here in Franxx. I obviously do not care about my reputation worldwide.

Here’s the thing: I do not regret many things in my time on the internet. I regret not asking about internet customs so i could know things like alt accounts were a bad thing. I regret my raging outbursts at innocent people because I was an immature fuckhead. I regret interacting with RWBYcrit. ... That’s it. My fight against RWDE? My battle against shitty critics? I do not regret that one bit. I fought for what I believed was right and got to meet amazing people along the way. I think I’ve even grown as a person. So no dice bitch.

You’re a schoolyard bully with a stick and anger problems. You’re a child throwing a temper tantrum, unaware of how if Miles or Kerry saw what you’ve said and done, they’d be disgusted in you and would shame you for the world to see. You are nothing. In the grand scheme of life, this will be your legacy. You will never amount to anything significant in this lifetime, and your life peaked before you even hit your twenties. KOB, I really hope you realize how in just under two and a half years, you have made nearly the entire fandom hate your guts.

... And?

Oh you thought this was gonna hurt me? You think you saying I have anger issues is gonna hurt me when I’ve acknowledged that as one of my worst traits. You think telling me Miles and Kerry would be disgusted with me is gonna hurt me when I am not them, they are not me and I am fighting primarily for myself? You think you calling me worthless and saying I will never amount to anything in my lifetime when I’m a fucking existentialist AKA someone who believes that there is no inherent worth in life? Bitch, I say worse things about myself every day.

And the rest is either lies (the fandom as a whole, even on Tumblr, DOESN’T CARE ABOUT ME.) or shows you’re projecting onto me (’You’re a bully!’ says the bullies.)

Let me break this down: We all hate you on Tumblr,

God, stop projecting your ego onto me, I know the fandom as whole on Tumblr doesn’t care about me.

You haven’t shown your face on Twitter

https://twitter.com/KOB13x

Shows what you know.

and when someone cited you in a Reddit post, everyone warned them not to link to you because you’re a toxic influence.

Considering how you’ve been posting links throughout this whole post, why should I believe you if you suspiciously DON’T provide proof of this. And again: stop projecting your ego onto me.

For Christ’s sake KOB, FatManFalling can get his stuff posted on R/RWBY. It’s extensively mocked, yes, but it’s still allowed.

To the point it regularly gets kicked off reddit for having massive downvotes.

You’re so bad you haven’t even got that privilege. Let that sink in and realize what it says about you.

A. Proof

B. Not the same context.

And C. I don’t care.

Because this is coming from someone who tried throwing Sunder The Gold under the bus by saying he associates with me. DESPITE the fact that we haven;’t talked to each other in MONTHS. Why did you say this then? Oh right, Sunder is a fan of RWBY ergo he must be eliminated right? Because anyone who doesn’t conform to your fucking hivemind and treat the show AND ESPECIALLY the creators like shit is a heretic right?

That’s why I do this. Because you people are fucking AWFUL in every sense of the word. Everything you just tried to pin on me applies to YOU instead and then we can add on EVEN MORE and EVEN MORE DISGUSTING shit to that pile.I don;t like Steven Universe but I am JUST as disgusted by SU‘s fandom and it’s bullshit. This has nothing to do with RWBY anymore, this has to do with you people DESTROYING INNOCENT LIVES. That is YOUR legacy: the ruins of people’s lives and the destruction of a show people hold dear all because you decided to embody the WORST aspects of humanity.

In short: Fuck you.

Oh, PS:

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/162724070290/rampantlytyping-knightofbalance-13-hey

Guess you’re in the same boat as me eh?

[specialchan]

I am a non-Muslim with questions about your faith and its history via /r/islam

I am a non-Muslim with questions about your faith and its history

I apologize, this is an extremely long post.

I’d like to start by saying I studied history in university so I am approaching this with a fully secular, historical viewpoint, and I do not have much personal experience with Muslims or Islam in general, as there were simply no Muslims in my community growing up. I may unintentionally be a typical American with little exposure to other cultures. Please forgive me if something I say goes against your faith or makes you feel uncomfortable. Though I’d be greatly appreciative if you still answered my questions despite those feelings. (American Muslims, please chime in however you wish, as you are the ones I am most likely to meet. I would like your input on what topics to avoid and what kinds of things are okay to ask.)

I’d also like to add that my parents are Christian and I did go to church every week growing up, but now consider myself an agnostic atheist (agnostic in that I don’t think there’s any way to determine which god, if any, exists or what role they play in the universe, and atheist in that I do not subscribe to any particular religion.) I simply try to be a good person in my own way by examining various faiths and schools of philosophy to form my own worldview. (I ordered a free copy of the Quran from a website that gives them to non-Muslims, but it never came.) I never had much respect for Christianity until I started studying Roman history.

This is where I’m afraid I might say something that will offend someone. I’m very passionate about Roman history, which extends through the Eastern Roman (or Byzantine) Empire, which is so fully linked to Christianity and its various complexities and arguments that I had no choice but to learn a lot about these complexities as well as the history of the early Church, if I wanted to truly understand the Roman history I was reading. Learning about Rome has made me grow much more respect and appreciation for Christianity than I ever thought I would have, if only for its impact on the world, the way it changed Roman society, and because I find philosophy and theology interesting.

I’d also like to add that I’ve had similar conversations with a deeply Christian coworker of mine, and that went great. He said he did not feel disrespected and fully understood the angle I was approaching this from. I hope you can see the same.

Rome is the only civilization I feel this deep of a passion for, therefore I have not looked that thoroughly into other topics. However, Islam and the various Caliphates obviously have a very prominent role in the final 700 years or so of Rome’s existence, (Mehmet II named himself Kayser-i Rûm, Caesar of the Romans, and saw himself as continuing Roman civilization,) and so I’d like to learn more about it, preferably from a historical point of view at first rather than from the scriptures, if anyone is familiar. Though obviously both inputs are valuable and will help me to better understand the topic from both sides, which is why I asked my Christian coworker questions about his faith and beliefs, etc. The purpose of that conversation was to compare his beliefs with Byzantine beliefs to see how much they differed, and also to teach him about the civilization that made Christianity what it is. The purpose of these questions is to learn the same about Islam; how much belief has changed over time, if your beliefs line up with the older/original Muslims, and also just to become better informed myself so I can hopefully better inform others who may not be as open to learning these things.

So some questions I have are:

Is the Ottoman role in taking Constantinople talked about much? Celebrated?

How do you feel about the Byzantine Romans, if at all?

Is the history of Islam prominently taught, or do you tend to focus more on the religious side?

How do you feel about the various Caliphates? Why isn’t there one currently and do you think there should be at least one? Would it be in Saudi Arabia, as they control Mecca and Medina?

Is Sunni and Shia still a prominent split? Is the split so deep that either side has serious resentment for the other, as I have often seen in Christian schisms? Did it used to be that way but change over time? Do you associate with people of the other sect, and are there other sects? (I believe I have heard of an African sect that incorporates magic? Maybe Mali because they used to practice magic and had sorcerers on the field during battle. Perhaps it grew out of that?) Please provide a brief statement about how the sects differ in their beliefs.

Is Muhammad ever talked about much as a person and historical figure, or more solely on his role as Allah’s prophet? (I’m afraid to expand upon this one. I listen to a history podcast about the Byzantine Empire. The host has a premium for-sale episode on the origins of Islam, and from what I understand, some of the things he says and some of the ideas that secular historians have put out there about the potential “real” origins of Islam contrast heavily with your beliefs and traditional history. I’m genuinely afraid I will upset someone by repeating some of these ideas, but will do so if you all feel comfortable with it.)

Is the Muslim conquest of Sassanid Persia celebrated? (I will say that personally, I find their victories absolutely incredible. I could not believe that they toppled the whole thing so quickly.) Do you know much about Persia, and if so, do you notice any cultural holdovers from the Persian Empire?

How differently do you view Persia and Rome? From what I understand, later Muslim writers were confounded by Rome’s continued survival after they had defeated Persia so quickly, and I believe they had to come up with some kind of justification as to why Rome managed to survive the initial Muslim expansion. Does anyone know anything about this? (I apologize if this offended anyone, and would like to say that I am not 100% sure on everything after the question mark.)

Is it true that Islam views Christianity as polytheistic, because they worship three gods? (God, Jesus, Holy Spirit)

This is a more cultural shift than religious one, I think, and again, I apologize if it offends anyone or if I am misinformed, but it seems to be growing more common to view Christians and Jews as.. not quite enemies. Maybe just as Others, or as people not to be tolerated? I’m struggling to express this idea but the Caliphates generally respected People of the Book, correct? Treated differently than Muslims, yes, but allowed to openly discuss their beliefs and normally live out their lives without being specifically targeted for their beliefs (outside of said preferential treatment). Has this changed or am I completely wrong? I just see clips occasionally of imams or Muslim politicians demonizing People of the Book and I’m wondering how this happened. (Again, truly sorry if I offended you with this question. I am open to hearing your side.)

Is secular learning discouraged in any way?

I have heard that traditionally, it’s said that Islam was essentially birthed in an instant. That the initial followers of Islam perfectly understood the facets of their new religion almost immediately. Is this true? I find this interesting because no other religion in the world makes a claim like that one.

I understand that the Quran is written in a very unconventional way. That it goes in starts and fits, sometimes sentences have no endings, lines have no context, something is intentionally vague, etc. Is this right? How do you feel about that? Does the style of writing make it difficult to interpret what is being said?

What are Hadiths and how are they different to the Quran? Why do they need to be separate? Did god bestow the Quran while hadiths are Muhammad’s teachings?

Is Muhammad supposed to have written all of the hadiths? If I’m not mistaken, there is historical evidence that one of the early caliphs may have written most of them. (This is another question that I’m worried about offending someone.)

Is Arabic looked at as the holy language for Islam? Is it okay to translate it? For example, for several centuries it was taboo to translate the Bible into anything besides Latin or Greek, because those were the only holy languages to early Christians. It was a big deal when it was translated into Slavic, and then German centuries later. Was this feeling shared with the Quran? Were any languages besides Arabic okay? Is this still the feeling or has it changed, and if so, when did it change?

Lastly, this may only apply to Turks, but would anyone in Istanbul be offended if I went there and referred to it as Constantinople? Would it be uncomfortable of me to ask them about the Byzantines and Christianity while there? (I do wish to go there someday, as I’ve been to Rome and Ravenna, the capitals of the western Roman Empire, so I would love to visit the capital of the East and look upon the greatest city ever built.)

If you took the time to read all of that, thank you so much. And thanks in advance for your answers. If you have any questions for me or want me to clarify something, please let me know, and again, I apologize if I have offended anyone.

I hope everyone has a good day.

Ma’a as-salaama (I totally just looked this up and hope it comes across as respectful. Apologies if I used it wrong.)

Submitted September 09, 2020 at 04:41PM by LostGundyr via reddit https://ift.tt/3m6ReiX

[swipestream]

Reviewing Safety In Games

The discussion on table culture in roleplaying games often turns to safety tools. This was not always the case, and it is a welcome and needed development. The discussion about safety tools, however, is often had outside of any discussion that is presented within the text of a game. If you have purchased some of the most popular RPGs on the market right now, and that is your only exposure to roleplaying games, you may not have seen a dedicated section discussing table safety specifically for that game.

The World That Was

You may have seen table or player management sections. You may have seen sections on best practices and even the importance of general empathy at the game table. But most of the biggest players do not have sections in their books discussing safety tools, nor do they have sections that call out content in their games that might cause problems or stress for some players. Many times the advice given to game moderators is not geared towards alleviating potential problems with the content and themes of the game itself.

I’m not specifically calling out those publishers, although it would be great to normalize safety discussions and content warnings in games. I bring this up because many of the biggest game publishers are working with intellectual property that has been in existence for decades. The unfortunate truth is that while some game innovations can be revolutionary, many aspects of the RPG industry are still governed by inertia, and it will take effort to move aspects of gaming in another direction. The inertia at the upper end of the roleplaying hobby is to let individual tables “sort it out.”

I have started to include more discussion on safety and content warnings in my reviews. This didn’t occur to me when I first started doing reviews. It was very easy for me to move in the direction I had always moved in. I was suffering from my own inertia. I knew what affected me in games. I knew how the tables I had gamed with for years reacted to certain topics. I did not attempt to take myself out of my own perspective in order to see where other problems might develop.

I have included in my reviews which games have sections on safety or content warnings, and when they do not. In many cases, I still believe that many games without safety sections or content warnings are worth purchasing and playing, but without discussing safety, a modern game designer is either assuming that no one will have this discussion, or that the discussion will happen without any prompts. I think this is a mistake, and it is a mistake worth pointing out.

Growing Pains

I have seen the argument that people will “work out” the safety issues within their own groups, and that they don’t need the rules to address the topic. The problem with this line of thinking is that it defaults to either assuming that everyone at the table has known each other for a long period of time, or that someone new to the table will go out of their way to introduce the topic when they join a group. This is problematic in that it is assuming a static population of gamers, or that the burden of emotional labor lies solely on people new to the table.

We have new game moderators every day. When they read a new ruleset, they need to know that it is normal and expected that they are concerned about safety. We have people that have never thought about safety at the table before. This is not because they want to introduce harmful content, but because it has never occurred to them that they might. They need to know that safety is an aspect of roleplaying, and it affects the table, consciously or not.

The World that Could Be

If a game includes a section on safety or content warnings in the same way that a game might address the rules or scenario creation, it makes safety a normal, healthy, expected part of the game. Directly examining the aspects of your game that may lead to problematic content is designing with intentionality, and discussing those potential issues with game moderators will make their ability to create scenarios within the game stronger. Not only will closely examining the elements of your game make people at the table safer, dissecting the elements used for storytelling is one of the best ways to make sure that the good experiences you have at the table do not just happen by accident, but can be addressed and repeated.

As much as it is important to focus on safety as a community of gamers, if the only drive to include safety tools and to have discussions about content comes from individual gaming groups or people discussing safety on the internet, that puts an undue amount of stress on the participants of the hobby. Every person that creates a game thinks about the content they are creating. Directing those thoughts towards safety, and why troubling content may or may not be included, can be used to help push gaming in a new direction and to give us inertia towards a positive future where more gamers feel included in the hobby.

The Road to Empathy

 Without those stories, I would not be as likely to try to be better, and I honestly believe that the greatest benefit of roleplaying games is in creating empathy 

Share6

Tweet1

Reddit1

Email

If you aren’t certain that content warnings and safety discussions are needed in games, try to think back to all of the media that you have consumed over the years. Is there a novel, comic, movie, or television show that received a lot of accolades, but you were unaware of some of the content in that work? If something was more graphic, somber, or violent than you initially thought, would you have felt better knowing those things? Running into that content, did it make you less likely to consume media from that source, knowing that you might be exposed to items you don’t enjoy?

Empathy isn’t something you can turn on or off. We can strive to be empathetic, but until we have the opportunity to interact with others, we will never know how careful we are in observing the needs of those around us. Because empathy is something we must be open to, and that we must constantly refine, we cannot assume that because we do not mean to do harm that we will not do harm. The first step on this path is to open the discussion, and when the game you are playing already includes the discussion, it is that much easier to begin.

Thank You

I want to stop for a moment and thank every person that has shared their stories about safety at the table. Without those stories, I would not be as likely to try to be better, and I honestly believe that the greatest benefit of roleplaying games is in creating empathy. We continually put ourselves in the place of other people, and attempt to see the world from a perspective that is not our own. This is the true power of the hobby.

Do you have any games that you feel do a particularly good job at introducing safety-related topics? Do you have any stories about safety discussions that made you feel particularly safe at a table? What do you think the best practices in starting a safety discussion should be? We want to have this discussion with you, so please feel free to post in the comments. We will be looking forward to hearing from you.

Reviewing Safety In Games published first on https://medium.com/@ReloadedPCGames

[datingadviceonreddit]

This will be long, but I go through the mess I went through this year. It is a crazy story, so read if you’d like, but please do take some stuff from it all, so you don’t do what I did.So first of all, not every Redditor is going to be right, but everybody puts their non-biased opinions in, which helps a lot. Unfortunately, I did not take these tips and opinions, and put myself through a lot to get to where I am today.Last year around this time, I made this post: https://ift.tt/2Q6vnMn highly suggest taking a look at that and some of the comments.I never updated everybody on this, but that girl broke up with me at that time because she had cheated on me, and she felt horrible about it, so she felt like leaving was the easiest option, however, I found out what she did not too long after.It has been nearly a year since that post was made. Let me tell you all what has happened in that year. This will be a long post but hopefully it will all give you insight to what I’ve gone through.After I found out that she had cheated on me, a few days after I made that post, I texted her that I knew what she did, and she wanted to talk over phone, not text. I didn’t want to talk that night, I was so frustrated, so I told her very politely that we would talk in the morning but I know what she has done and goodnight. So, we had about an hour and a half conversation about what all happened. She cried and said she’s so sorry, and I said it’s okay and I’m here if she needs anything. I had a snapchat streak with her, and now that I think about it, the night she broke up, she sent me a streak picture of the guy that she cheated on me with. Very disheartening stuff, that hurt my feelings.Anyways, all of December passes and we don’t talk any. I invite her brother and some friends of mine that lived 2 houses down from them out to my house to hang. So anyways, we all hang and then the next day, I drop off her brother and he tells me to come in. I said I didn’t really feel comfortable to, but he said to do it anyways. So I walk in their house and everyone is sitting in the living room. They all say hey and all, and tell me to take a seat. The only empty seat in the room was right beside, well you know it, my ex girlfriend. So I sit down and I notice her staring kind of at me out of the corner of my eye, and I’m thinking,”Oh lord.” We do eventually talk some and I told the family I had to go to my other friends house because they wanted me to spend the night (the friends were the ones 2 houses down). So I say my goodbyes and go to my friends house. When I get there, my friends start getting defensive and were asking me why I was at her house and I said to drop off her brother and all. They were very skeptical. All of the people in that house didn’t want me getting back with her or even talking to her, they knew she’d hurt me. After everybody questions me, I get a text from her telling me that if I want cookies, she is cooking them and she’d like for me to get some. I told her no thanks but thanks for the offer and she’s all cool with it.Well, blah blah blah, let me skip a few things, we eventually start talking and being with each other more, so of course, we start dating. It was pretty good at first, however, I still stressed about her cheating and stuff and the past repeating itself. She reassured me that it would be okay but I still sometimes got worried. Skip another month, she gets to go to another dance, but not with me. She had to book this dance before we even got back together, so she booked it with another guy. No biggie. So, I ask her not to grind on the guy or kiss him or do anything else bad and I tell her to have fun and all. I get a text from a close friend an hour into their dance (I was 7 hours away in another city) that she was grinding all over on and twerking on her date for the night. Reddit, I was so disappointed and sad. I had the literal worst feeling in my stomach that night, I felt like puking. It wasn’t because of the grinding so much as the lying. I thought she had changed and I was beginning to trust again. It felt so disrespectful. So I text her and tell her that I found out some stuff and I was very calm and told her I wanted to break up. She got pretty agitated because she said she was pressured into it, and it slowly turned into an argument. Anyways, we stay together, but she goes and tells her family about our argument, and she makes a big scene, and I felt absolutely belittled and embarrassed. I texted her parents about how I was sorry, but I didn’t even start anything. I made myself look worst. Anyways, the parents were chill but they didn’t believe me. They said she couldn’t hardly move in her dress, much less dance or twerk. Yeah right. I never argued though.Skip forward some, things seem to be taking a turn for the worst, and so I figured to fix it, I’d get her a diamond promise ring. So she could always wear it on her finger and keep her promises. I guess that was a pretty naive thing for me to think. Nothing really changed. That night was the first time I had made out and I felt great, but nothing really changed.After almost one more month, we discussed it and we broke up. However, we still stayed in contact. Anyways, I make a slight mistake. This was my first relationship so I was so naive in so many things. So, this girl messages me and begs me for some pics or some crap, so I send them. And they are not the best pics, if you all catch my drift. My then ex and I were most definitely broken up, I’d never EVER cheat at all. But I still felt like I had to apologize to her (Naive, I know). So, I told her to promise to keep a secret and I told her right after it happened. I felt like trash, I blocked the girl that asked and left it be. Anyways, I figured she wouldn’t tell anyone, I’ve kept her secrets that she has told me. I was WRONG!!!We are sitting in an awards thing on stage, and we are towards the back. It’s mostly for seniors so there was nothing for us to do at the time, so we were looking at instagram and stuff. Now this girl like to talk to her exes often, and so much so, she showed me one of their text’s she thought was funny. It was not to me. She thought it was funny because he was getting mad because she “didn’t text him often”. Okay, whatever. What got me; he said,”Why would you want to talk to someone who would send pictures to another girl.”Yeah, she told one of her exes, that was using it against me in an argument. I felt so betrayed, I basically shut down. She tried to make up to me on stage but I was so irritated. She knew she did wrong. I mean, I did too, but we weren’t even dating and she promised not to tell. I haven’t mentioned him the whole time either, but she also has this other ex, who was her first (first person she had sex with). She had the yellow heart on snapchat with him (I know, cringe, but let me explain. The Yellow heart is a token beside another persons name, which means that you were snapping that other person the most for a week straight at least. So basically, she was “talking to” her ex more than me, which is a red flag). I check her phone once ever and see that she has it with this ex of hers, and I get noticeably irritated (I told her at least 10 times I don’t like her talking to him, but I’m not going to make her do anything. I figured she’d stop on her own out of respect). She started trying to kiss me and tell me everything is alright. Yeah right. Why am I bringing this up though? The only to times she showed true compassion to our relationship was those two times (the snapchat thing and the situation where she told her other ex my secret).So that night, I was so perturbed, I went out to my car, went home after everything, and the next day, I told her I wanted to end all communication.It didn’t work.We start talking more this time. We are basically dating when this other dance happens at our school. She’s not in it though, she is helping set up for it and monitor it, however, she tells me they usually twerk in a circle and crap. I asked her not too and she basically said,” I don’t care what you say, I’m doing what I want.” So I said”okay” and just asked her not to grind on anyone and she did agree and promise to that. I’m working that night on our farm. All night long, I worry, then I just release all the stress and I just feel like I should just trust her. Everything seems to go great all night, nobody calls or texts me, and it is all nice. The next day however, that’s when I get a call.A guy at the party tells me that he didn’t see anything, but apparently my cousin and her friends saw her grinding on a guy and apparently got a video of it. My heart drops once more. I call my cousin, and she confirmed it. She was even in the car with the friends that saw it and they confirmed it. They said that she was on her hands and knees grinding all over another guy, who I find out later was one of our waiters that served us at a fancy restaurant one day, but oh well I guess. My cousin sends me the video, and you can’t see her doing anything in it, but you can see her with the guy. Apparently, she even went and told my cousin to please not tell me about it because she saw that they saw her.That was the last straw. I was supposed to go see Post Malone with her that weekend too, but I did not go. I told her that the ticket was hers, to take somebody else, but not me. She got mad, and we did not talk anymore until the middle of summer.I went on a cruise, and when I got off I had 4 voicemails from her making sure I wasn’t dead because she couldn’t get in contact with me (I turned off my phone for no extra out of the country charges). We talk a little but go the rest of summer without talking.Anyways, at the very end of summer, she texts me and we start texting again. She seems different though. She seems like she’s changed. So, after a little while, we get back together.Everything is so much better, she is communicating with me more (I never mentioned this but this is really important. She always used to get mad when I worried about her cheating, she would never discuss it with me), and communication is super important. She seems nicer too and better, However, things go down the drain some. We end up having sex and it was okay, not really the best experience, but I appreciate her opening up to me like that, and that is forever in my gratitude. She said I was the best though which is good. I do wish I would have waited though to lose my virginity. However, that all happens and everything is happy. I start worrying some though because I take a step back and I remember how badly I had been treated in the past and even then (she did not always treat me very nicely, which is okay, but just, a lot of stuff was extremely rude, like saying she hoped I got sick after coughing in my face. She said it was a joke and that’s fine, but it just was rude though. I don’t mind playing around some but the way she said it seemed sincere), I also worry about the past repeating itself. Eventually, she starts saying how she sometimes feels like she can’t take it (because I wanted to ask her stuff and sometimes I did repeat myself, but she always got so mad and never communicated it with me. I would’ve been better off with the slightest compassion), and it really kills me because I went through hell and back for this girl and she can’t take it anymore because I love her so much that I worry? Yeah, okay...She was mean to me, stressed me out, I put my all in and she didn’t seem like she really cared all that much, and I was losing myself in the process.Before all of this, back to the snapchat thing, she had a red heart now with her first once again (That means you’ve been snapping each other the most for basically a month straight). Big red flag. I told her I believe probably about 20 plus time about how I thought it was disrespectful, and nothing really changed. One day, their heart went away, and then we got one.Anyways, this is basically the climax. All of this stress with me realizing how she is not the best for me was building up.Before I went to bed one night, I went to bed and checked my phone, and we lost our heart. I was hoping that everything was okay, but I did worry. I still went to sleep though.I woke up at 5 because of stress and a dream I had. The dream was, she had the yellow heart with this ex of hers again, and that was a sign for me that it wasn’t for me, and in the dream, I left and was stress free (I kid you not, this really happened). Anyways, she woke up eventually, and we texted our good mornings and all. Anyways, I texted her and asked her something I’ve never asked for, I asked her for a screenshot of her top 10 people she talks to on snapchat the most, and she said ‘sure’. 5 minutes later, I got it, and sure enough, it was just like in my dream. I knew how much disrespect I’ve taken, and this was nothing but the tipping point for me. I knew what I had to do.I told her I wanted to break up and we talked some but that was it (Again, I did not break up because of snapchat, I broke up because of so many other reasons but it was only a tipping point for me).Anyways, I was going to get her one closer to time, but unfortunately unexpected things happened. She got me one though and she wanted to give it to me if it was the last thing she did.I told her thanks, but I can’t accept, but she told me I WILL take the present. So because I didn’t even want to fight, I agreed. I received it today.It was very nice and now I feel bad for even taking it. I spent a lot on her but I really don’t care how much I spent or how much hell I went through, I felt and feel awful about it.So Reddit, here we are now. After everything; me feeling like trash at times and believing all of this was my fault and after all of the emotions I’ve felt and heart breaks and times I, a pretty serious guy, have cried myself to sleep, and after all of the emotions; it could have been avoided if it was for me listening to those Redditor’s.After everything though, I never put her down in any way, or made her feel bad about herself. Taking the highroad is the ultimate gift.After all of that, and by the way, thank you to anyone that read it, it should offer a different viewpoint to anyone that can use it, but it could have all have been so much better if I would have listened to Reddit.I listened to my heart though and in the end it ended up being shattered multiple times and dropped on the floor and crushed.Reddit offers different views that usually are non biased to your life or your feelings, and the most logical approach to every situation.People who post anywhere, but especially on this forum, please take heed to the warning Redditor’s give you and please do not make the mistakes I have which was go back to somebody who doesn’t cherish you as much.The girl I dated is high status in school (I am also) and you would never think she was capable of this or we were not compatible. There is so much though to learn. Looks are not all.AND IF YOU ARE IN A SMALL TOWN OR WHERE EVER AND STAY IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN’T GET ANYONE ELSE AS PRETTY OR WHATEVER THE CASELeave the relationship for your own health. There are so many people out there that will want you and cherish you always. Do not ever settle for less and know your self worth. Trust me, it will get better.And the sun will always rise the next daySo listen to Redditor’s and live everyday to the fullest with the person you love and who loves you back and respects you always like you do themI wish I had that, but we all live and learn. Best of luck Reddit, and thank you all for opening my eyes more. via /r/dating_advice

[automatismoateo]

Mom found God and lost a Son via /r/atheism

Submitted August 18, 2017 at 02:43PM by merdepost (Via reddit http://ift.tt/2v82oZ3) Mom found God and lost a Son

Length warning: TL;DR at the end.

This is my first time posting here so please be kind. I was sure that someone here shared in my experience and could give me some words of wisdom.

Backstory: I am currently in my Early 30s. I grew up in the Coastal South of a Catholic father and a Jewish mother, neither practicing so I was never indoctrinated in any particular belief system. My Dad always had the outlook that he paid his dues by going to a Catholic school as a child and really did not care to think about it any more. My mom did not have any religious practices either though she did often talk about "God" it did not seem to be the basis for her actions except in a general moral sense of doing good to others. Not to say that we were ever very close, but I generally could look up to my Mom because she would support my independence and would celebrate my so-called "intellectualism" and supported me going to school and getting an education.

I grew up mostly confused and often appalled at Christian logic in the community when it was used by peers and I regularly questioned authority figures. As a gay man who came out at 13, I also had a strong sense of identity and received consistent personal attacks from people in the community about who I was on the basis of religious "fact". I was really never close with my father. There was some physical and emotional abuse in the household which escalated when I came out as gay. It was always directed at me and although I also had a younger brother (straight) and even though my dad would fight with my mom on occasion, the physical violence was only one sided from him to me (though I will admit that I would use my words like daggers and I tried to use that as a defense mechanism against him, which in retrospect I'm sure just made his aggression worse) I don't think he was so much intolerant of me being gay as upset that he could not control what I did or said and it resorted often to him becoming physically violent. He would however ridicule me for wanting to do things that he considered "masculine" like running track after I came out as gay and he really did not understand or want to understand that me being gay did not mean that I wanted to assume a feminine gender role.

I moved away to college when I was 18. I went to a college in a larger Georgia city close to Atlanta. Did not speak with my parents much but I did keep in touch with my Mom and her parents. After college I moved away from the South completely and have lived in various parts of the US since then but have always told myself that I will never again choose to live in the South. It's too painful for me and Christian ignorance, racism, bigotry, and intolerance is rampant and uncontrolled there. My relationship with my dad was almost non existent at this point, although I genuinely feel that he had changed his mindset by the time I finished college and he expressed his regret to me multiple times about his abuse when we were under the same roof and I do forgive him for it, but it's difficult for me to want to rekindle a relationship with him. My mom on the other hand, since I left for college started getting very much into using facebook, personal fitness, fitspo and fat shaming. She quit a long standing professional job to sell supplements for a pyramid scheme, started cheating on my Dad with multiple partners which ultimately led to them getting divorced.

After the divorce, my dad settled down with a seemingly nice woman who has her own young kids and he has been preoccupied with his new family. Dad does not really seem to be interested in maintaining relationship with my mom or me or my brother. I'm OK with that. Mom, however, is obsessive about everything Dad has been doing since the divorce and has been stalking them, etc. At the request of her gym buddies, she joined a local church and then things started really going down hill....

Fast forward to current day. Mom has moved to Florida and is now a Jew for Jesus Florida-woman Trump supporter, tanning-bed loving fitspo fat-shaming old lady who claims to "hate politics" but voted for Trump and thinks he's "doing OK" but can't seem to pinpoint anything he's done other than "make us safer". Every conversation I have with her turns into a personal attack clouded in fake Christian concern for my well being. She harasses me with texts and insists on phone calls with me which are 10% her asking about what I do with my time and 90% telling me what I should be doing different, because Christ. Attempt at neutral conversation lasts about 10 words. Any time I try to question her logic, if she doesn't know the answer the word "faith" is used. Anything I say to her in protest of her faith-based thinking leaves her in tears accusing me of being cruel and godless. She is deeply offended that when I call into question how her Jewish faith is compatible with her newfound Christian faith because she thinks she can maintain both simultaneously. Say what you will about whether or not they are mostly a distraction from other horrors the current administration is trying to get away with, but lately with so much of the news focused on race/gender/identity politics, she is really worked up about that. She seems to support the alt-right white nationalist movement which is deeply concerning to me as she simultaneously claims to have a Jewish identity. (Her parents, my grandparents are still alive and not immune to this either. They are also, ironically, Trump supporters living in South Florida and have always been racist, intolerant wealthy republicans as long as I have been alive. They really hated Obama being a Black man in particular.)

After a particularly bad recent phone conversation followed by her sending me hateful, racist texts throughout the day afterward (for example BLM and Obama being responsible for the rise of the neo-Nazism), I have decided to block her from my phone. I wrote her a letter explaining my concerns with the choices she has made in the past decade with her life and why I need to back away and if she wants to continue having a relationship with me and she is not willing to reevaluate her faith-based thinking and all of the ills that have come along with it, she can write to me by mail and discuss neutral topics like cats and the weather and nothing more. I told her that if she writes back with appeals to faith, racist attacks or just to make me feel guilty about writing her the letter that needed to be said that I would not respond.

TL;DR. Mom used to be a rational non-religious person. Now she is a racist god-fearing trump supporter who falls back on "faith" any time she finds a topic too difficult to think about or understand, and uses it as ammunition for her arguments to criticize me at every turn. I can't maintain a relationship. How do you guys deal? Am I being too harsh?

[thebrandtag]

Be Careful when you need escort in Dubai via /r/dubai

Be Careful when you need escort in Dubai

<p>r/dubai </p>

<p>WARNING to all tourists, foreigners and ever residents who seek escort services in Dubai from Craigslist, Backpage or Twitter.</p>

<p>u/throwawaydxbwarningOct 22, 2015, 1:01 AM</p>

<p>GUYS read this very carefully and think twice before even contacting an escort in Dubai.</p>

<p>UPDATE: Alright, so some SP’s manifested themselves through PMs saying that this thread will seriously damage their business and my guess here is that those are the reliable ones and not the fakers. I hope I’m right. If so is the case, why don’t you follow a method used in North America and some South East Asian countries where you actually take a photo of yourself, not necessarily naked, but at last one that can corroborate your features with you holding a paper with the current date and nickname on it CLEARLY WRITTEN so that people know you’re not fake and make sure you update the date written on the paper quite frequently. This will root out a major part of the problem here.</p>

<p>Now back to the matter at hand.</p>

<p>1st incident: About a month ago, someone conveyed to me upon his return from Dubai that he called what seemed to be a lovely WHITE CAUCASIAN British young woman communicating with a British accent. She answered him and they agreed on the details. Once he arrived there, he noticed something was off but decided to go anyways. Door opens and the lady is hiding behind the door. He goes in and she turns out to be an African lady. He refuses and attempts to leave. She holds him physically and asks him to give her the money. A lot of pushing and shoving ensues and she rips his shirt wide open. She was desperately trying to get her hands in his pockets and snatch the money. He was finally able to push her but his arms were all scratched and he was slightly bleeding in certain places.</p>

<p>2nd incident: Another classic, SAME MODUS-OPERANDI, a co-worker went to Dubai and again, nice hot American Latino lady communicating with an American accent. He shows up there, I think he said it was in a classy area, Marina I guess. Door opens, she is behind the door. He barely steps in and she a very fat African with fake blond hair. He tries to get out and she grabs him. They physically fight, she’s half naked and she threatens to scream in the hallway and pretend to call the police. He was a big guy and quite fit so he had no problem pushing her away but she managed to damage his cloth.</p>

<p>3rd incident: This is one is a CLASSY scam someone told me via email after he posted a rant on Craigslist Dubai about how frustrating it has become to find a reliable person and how CL has become a scam jungle. His story has to do with a Twitter scam though. Check this out guys, especially those who are Arabic speaking. He says he wanted to try an authentic Arab escort, so after thoroughly researching, he noticed that most Arab ladies are reachable via Twitter. He is of Arab decent so he speaks the language. He sends the lady a message and she explains it’s 1500AED for a full night (from 9pm to 3am in the morning). She asks for 500AED advance in the form of Etisalat prepaid card. After giving her the card via Twitter, she blocks him. He opens another Twitter account and contacts her, she says she’s sorry and that she blocked him by mistake because she’s overwhelmed by guys who are not serious and didn’t know how to unblock him. They agree to meet at 9pm at Emirates Mall. She then tells him that it’s not nice and shameful to take the 1000 from him in public and that it would be better to if he got the rest of the money in Etisalat cards and gave them to her right then. He senses a scam so he refuses but apparently she was brilliant at arguing with him but still does not budge. He asks her for her phone number so he could talk to her and verify over the phone. She refuses and argues the reason why she can’t. Anyhow, he ends up making a mistake and gives her his phone number so she could call him. She then she switches to nasty bitch mode and starts threatening him that he wasted her time and that she could have had one client at least by now and therefore she wants her money otherwise she’s going to the police with her story and that she’s got powerful friends and they will hunt him down. He blocks her, deletes both twitter accounts and dumps the phone line.</p>

<p>Now obviously there are some reliable escorts in Dubai but they are extremely difficult to find and the fact that there’s no review forum does not help things at all.</p>

<p>So being someone that travels frequently to Dubai and I do care about the safety of others and the reputation of a city that I like, here are some important things to bear in mind if you are going to call an escort.</p>

<p>1- Do not call or contact via Whatsapp unless you have double checked the photos in the CL or BP ad on tineye.com or google reverse image to make sure that the photos are not stolen from other websites. It’s not a 100% reliable method if employed on it’s own, but it will help root out 90% of the scammers.</p>

<p>2- Do not accept communication by Whatsapp only. Request a phone call to hear and question them. If they say they’re from Italy, ask her questions try to pretend you speak Italian etc.</p>

<p>3- Avoid having your profile picture on your Whatsapp account when you contact one. Don’t use you home country Whatsapp, use an Etisalat prepaid and activate Whatsapp on it.</p>

<p>4- Do not accept to go anywhere or have her come to you unless she sends you a live photo with her holding a paper with some personalized inscription written on it. Face photo is not a must but at least so you can see the skin color and body shape. If they refuse or try talking you out of it, DON’T GO. You’re the customer, she has to comply with your demands.</p>

<p>5- Before knocking on the door, examine the floor and memorize the exit stairs, elevators are not a reliable choice if she’s grabbing you. There could be two of them, be careful!</p>

<p>6- If everything has checked out to be OK so far and you are at her doorstep, DO NOT GO IN, I repeat DO - NOT - GO - IN until she shows her face and body. Keep a distance from the door. If she insists that you come in and refuses to show herself, RUN. It’s not worth it.</p>

<p>7- Do not keep anything valuable on you. Take only your money and hid it in your socks.</p>

<p>8- If she catches up with you or grabs you, don’t be afraid to show hostility and fight back. If she threatens to call police don’t chicken out, she won’t do it and she can’t do it even if she pretends to. Those African ladies are all illegals and there residencies are expired.</p>

<p>9- Don’t be afraid of her threats or that she will shout or accuse you of rape. Again, she can’t and she will not for the same reasons mentioned in the previous point.</p>

<p>10- AVOID ALL THIS TOGETHER BY KEEPING YOUR JOHNNY IN YOUR PANTS and wait till you go back home. You are better protected in your home country and usually know your territory better. If you’re a resident and you get the urge, be patient and try to find someone reliable by applying what is mentioned previously. Don’t rush, examine the ads, reverse check the photos, call the lady, speak to her, ask her for proof etc.</p>

<p>11- If you REALLY want to have sex with a hooker you could, you know, just meet one of of the thousands of hookers in any one of the hundreds of bars across the city? courtesy of DownRUpLYB</p>

<p>I hope this will help. Be safe guys and don’t put yourself in a bad situation. Dubai is an international city and they cannot weed out all the rotten ones. To the tourists, enjoy your trip to Dubai.</p>

<p>85 Comments</p>

<p>u/halfbaked_zed</p>

<p>•</p>

<p>Oct 22, 2015, 1:42 AM</p>

<p>I am a black escort with a fake golden wig and I find this offensive.</p>

<p>u/throwawaydxbwarning</p>

<p>•</p>

<p>Oct 22, 2015, 1:55 AM</p>

<p>I’m sincerely sorry for that. I live in the west and I’m not entirely Caucasian myself. I live in a society that has put all racial arguments behind its back decades ago so please don’t take it personally and think that I’m playing any racial card here. I’m just stating the facts. If it was a caucasian white woman, I would have mentioned it equally. However the matter of the fact is that both guys had the exact same experience with African women. Please enlighten me as to how I should put it so it would not be offensive. I did specify “African” and I honestly don’t see any other way to identify them. If I knew they were Nigerians, Ugandans or so on, I would have mentioned it. As for the wig, again, both stated the same fact so I had to include it and it was not meant as a derogatory term at all.</p>

<p>u/greenleaf187</p>

<p>•</p>

<p>Oct 22, 2015, 2:00 AM</p>

<p>whoosh</p>

<p>u/halfbaked_zed</p>

<p>•</p>

<p>Oct 22, 2015, 1:58 AM</p>

<p>But we also want love and money, is it my fault that when I post my real pictures, I don’t get responses on CL. Hence, I had to do this. I am sorry, but I had to.</p>

<p>Also, I can show you my valid residency permit.</p>

<p>And we don’t try to attack anyone, we just want some cuddles and hugs. We are just a bit aggressive about getting them, that is all.</p>

<p>u/[deleted]</p>

<p>•</p>

<p>Oct 22, 2015, 1:08 AM</p>

<p>Okay.</p>

<p>u/Safwanish</p>

<p>•</p>

<p>Oct 22, 2015, 1:24 AM</p>

<p>that’s all I could think as well after thoroughly reading each word on this thread.</p>

<p>u/[deleted]</p>

<p>•</p>

<p>Oct 22, 2015, 1:09 AM</p>

<p>There’s a word to describe your ‘friends’ - gullible.</p>

<p>u/SuchWowReddit</p>

<p>•</p>

<p>Oct 22, 2015, 1:32 AM</p>

<p>haram</p>

<p>View more comments</p>

<p>Top Posts in r/dubai</p>

<p>Need a price check before i sell my rig</p>

<p>Good Anti dandruff shampoo</p>

<p>30-day deadline to identify crowded units in JLT</p>

<p>Where to buy used Macbook pro in Dubai?</p>

<p>Car Rentals Under 21</p>

<p>View more r/dubai posts</p>

Submitted August 13, 2017 at 12:35AM by xdubaiescort via reddit http://ift.tt/2uAMSFK

[thebipolareffect-blog1]

Commitment Woes.

Today is the day that will change things in my relationship with E. 

Last week, after some long conversations, we decided to start couples therapy. We both suffer from depression (His is MDD and mine is bipolar type 2) and anxiety. While we would like to pretend it doesn't, it definitely affects our relationship. Granted, it's not always negative. I find it endearing when he worries about me being alone at home all day, for example. It only becomes a problem when he starts talking about home safety in great lengths. SNORE (jk).

All that aside, we've got a pretty good thing going. We like each other most of the time. We communicate well for two mentally ill people. We have the same wants and ideas for the future. Our plans include each other. The next natural step seems like marriage, right? Wrong.

Let's dial the clock back a few days. We're both laying in bed, talking about whatever comes to mind. I turn to him and the conversation goes as follows:

R: I want to get married. To you.

E: Yeah?

R: Yeah. Would it be weird if I proposed to you?

E: Not at all. It'd take a lot of pressure off of me.

R: Cool.

E: Cool.

From this conversation, I took what he said as a 'YES GO AHEAD. GREEN LIGHT. ALL SYSTEMS ARE GO.', I still don't understand how I could have taken it any other way. PLEASE GIVE ME INPUT IF YOU SEE WHERE I WENT WRONG IN MY ASSUMPTIONS, BY THE WAY. 

Anyway, I planned a fucking proposal. I bought a custom made ring. I bought a cute little custom dog-tag for S. I bought myself a placeholder ring (he wanted me to have one, too,). I get nervous, oh no. I tell him about it, cause why not! Conversation:

R: Nervous about proposing to the love of my life!

E: Nah, don't be. I know what his answer will be.

R: Are you SURE you want me to propose? I don't want to steal your thunder or emasculate you or anything.

E: We'll talk more about it later, work is getting busy.

R: OK

Again, didn't see any immediate "NO DONT" signs here. I should have sensed some apprehension in the "we'll talk later" part, but what could I do? I'd already ordered the stuff. Whatever. Plans are still a go at this point. We don't talk about this particular subject that night or the next day.

Tuesday morning comes around and I'm a mess of anxiety again. His ring has shipped, the dog-tag has shipped. My ring is being made. ANXIETY. ANXIETY. ANXIETY. So I talk to him again on his lunch break. I don't remember exactly how the conversation went so I'll summarize the best I can:

E: I don't really feel ready.

R: What? For marriage?

E: Yeah. I guess with my depression being as bad as it is right now and me starting a new medication...I just don't feel like it's the best idea.

R: Oh, okay. I understand.

I was stunned, honestly. We got off the phone and shit started to sink in, real hard. Panic. Panic. PANIC. Why did he wait to tell me?

My heart was in a trillion pieces and I wasn't quite sure how to even start the repair process. My thoughts were spiraling, I was not in control. I texted E and told him what was happening. I told him I worried about coming across pushy or like I was trying to guilt him into marriage. 

I told him my thoughts were running rampant trying to figure out the 'WHY' part of things. I told him the things I worried about.

He doesn't love me.

He doesn't want me.

He's ashamed of me.

He doesn't like the way I look. 

I'm not good enough for him.

I'm not attractive enough.

I'm too broken.

I'm too sad. 

I'm too much.

He will never be ready.

He did his best to reassure me. He DID want to get married, he wasn't ready yet. I don't know about any other girl in the world but I've been told all my adult life that when a man says he's not ready, it actually means he doesn't want to marry you. At all. I couldn't get around it.

For the next few days, things kind of piled up. I became depressed. I couldn't take care of myself very well. I wasn't taking care of the housework. I managed to get grocery shopping done. I managed to keep myself and the pets alive. That's about it. It was straining on our relationship.

We went on a short day trip to the next town over. He was driving and I was in the passenger's seat. We were listening to music. "Our Song" came on, he sang it and looked at me. I wanted to bawl. It hurt that he was being so good to me while I was tearing myself up feeling like he had rejected me. I was still having trouble sorting my thoughts on the matter. I was hurting. I still am hurting. 

We ended up talking about it again a few days later. He told me he worried about me changing my mind. He worried about me growing restless and cheating. He worried about him not being good enough for me. I don't know how to quell any of these anxieties and I don't know if he does either.

I ended up not sleeping that night and I typed everything that had gone on into a Reddit post and sought advice. There weren't many responses. The few I did get suggested couples therapy/counseling. DUH, R. 

E had suggested it before, a few months ago. We had some small troubles that resolved themselves after a little while so we never pursued it. I let him know I wanted to see a counselor and if he wanted to go, that was great. If not, I'd go alone and work on our relationship myself but I hoped he would go. He said yes and here we are today. Our appointment is in 2 hours.

I'm a mess of nervousness. It's not quite anxiety...it's a different flavor. Milder, I suppose. We had an argument last night and it sort of boiled down to him worrying about me. He's worried about my mental well-being and it's stressing on him because he has to worry about himself, too. I told him that I was okay, but I sometimes needed help but was afraid to ask. He said he felt the same way. We talked and laughed about some stuff and went to sleep a little late. He woke up this morning feeling down so I asked him if he needed help, he said no and went off to work. He seemed better when I talked to him at lunch, so I'm hoping he is doing better. 

I will likely write again tonight or tomorrow afternoon detailing the appointment some more. I'd like to document our progress on different matters. I want to share myself with someone outside of our relationship, sometimes. I don't have any friends who would/could accept that burden so I pour it out into this blog. I appreciate anyone who reads and I would love feedback, on the writing or the content. EDIT: I wanted to add another event. It occurred sometime between him agreeing to counseling and the date that I posted this. His ring had arrived and the dog tag had as well. He brought in the mail along with both packages and asked what they were. He already had some sort of idea of how I would propose. I didn't want to surprise him with it and make him uncomfortable. I told him he could open them and he did. The tag reads "Will you marry my mama?", the ring is made of tungsten and finished matte. It's gorgeous and I'm proud of myself for picking it out. Anyway, he looks at the dog tag and smiles and kind of shuffles his feet. He looks up at me and grins and says

E: I will. 

R: What?

E: Marry his mama.

He put the ring on and wore it for a few hours until it started to get uncomfortable. I beamed, he beamed. I was so happy, I was so excited. We had worked things out. It was easy! Cool!

Later that night in bed, he sighed. 

E: Why am I such a commit-a-phobe?

Here we go, again. Broken into pieces, again. Dammit, E.