#sometimes I'll remember something I talked about with someone months ago + something really interesting I want to add to that convo

[abel-draws]

My brain processes info v e r y slowly

[burins]

headcanon meme: Steph? or Talia.

oh THANK you. (has self-control voice) i'll do both! i haven't read batgirl 2000 or the talia stuff with lexcorp (which i hear is the real good talia stuff) so we're going fast and loose.

Steph:

Headcanon A:  realistic

Steph fought desperately hard for Bruce's approval, but she never really liked Bruce. "Like" is not the emotion you feel towards the man you're killing yourself to get the occasional pleased grunt from. Now that she's older and is learning how to wear the Bat without being the Bat, and remembering what she knew back when she was making her own costume– how to be a hero in her own right– she wonders why the others are still so hung up on this guy. And then he'll nod his head her way, or make a little surprised hum when she does something well, and the rush of vindictive satisfaction reminds her that she may be older but she's not immune, not yet.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

meme queen. has a curated folder of tiktoks specifically for bullying purposes. her chat history with tim is mostly sending him increasingly wet-looking cats captioned "this u?"

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

Babs is a good mentor. As far as being controlling and secretive, though, she could give Bruce a run for his money. Cass is not a great sounding board for talking about this, because she thinks Bruce's shit is normal. Steph thinks about trying to talk to some of her school friends about anything she does in costume and gives it up as a bad job. Even if she described it as a movie plot, or a book she was reading, it's all too unbelievable.

It's okay. She's good at working alone, at feeling alone, even if the whole point of having a mentor was that she wouldn't have to patch herself up anymore. At least sometimes she gets to fight with Cass, though.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Steph thinks Dinah is soooooo cool and pretty and amazing. She desperately wants Dinah to train her, and unfortunately, whenever Dinah is around Steph devolves into complete and wretched incompetence, so she never actually makes it past a few sparring sessions in the Clocktower.

Talia:

Headcanon A:  realistic

Talia is good. She's good at what she does. She always has been. She keeps her networks clean, her informants precise, her operatives surgical. The only thing she's ever failed to do is kill her father. Give it time.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

Likes to cook in the way rich people often like to cook, which is that about once every six months, when the mood strikes her, she will descend upon the kitchen of whatever house she's staying in, leave her bracelets in a jumble in a bowl, and wreak absolute havoc making something stupidly elaborate. The food is delicious! She doesn't believe in doing things poorly. She has never once washed a dish. (She and Bruce are two peas in a pod in this regard.)

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

She misses Damian. She misses Jason. She misses Bruce. She misses everyone she has ever sent away to keep them safe from her father's claws. She knows better than to think she is ever getting out, but it's a comfort to know that they did.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

[I don't want all of these to revolve around Talia as mother but also I primarily know her from my Damian read so with that caveat:]

Talia was never particularly interested in being a mother when she was younger. She doesn't think her father was ever particularly interested in being a father; or if he was, that was several hundred years ago, and she came along too late to benefit. She always assumed she'd have children if she needed to, and someone else would handle it.

And then she has a son. Someone else could have handled it, but she thinks about playing chess with her father, his back disappearing down all those empty hallways, the sword in her hand never quite fast enough to catch his eye. Bruce's son deserves better. She doesn't want her son to grow to resent her. And she's never been one to shy from getting her hands dirty. She raises Damian herself; she teaches him everything he ought to know; she makes him strong enough to survive, and then the part she has never quite managed herself: strong enough to leave.

The one thing she didn't think to account for is that Damian grows to resent her anyway.

(send me characters!)

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

Sorry for this useless post, I know you've talked about this a thousand times on your blog already, but I can't stress enough just how much I despise Jikookers.

That 'not-goldy' blog is literally talking about how they don't blame ot7s for staying far away from Jimin because Jimin's fans are toxic. What kind of supposed ARMY says something like that? So they're just going to pretend Jimin's stans are just attacking people unprovoked? They're just going to pretend the reason they're like this isn't retaliation for the way ot7s have been treating Jimin for years? And PJMs are somehow the worst of all solo stans for simply defending Jimin? The recent issue with the RIAJ certification and Hybe sharing articles labeling JK as the first to go platinum when JM is the first didn't even move them? Wow.

And someone compared JK's support for Eunwoo with his "support" for JM (I don't even know why anti-jikookers/non-shippers keep sending those people asks. It's hopeless) and this not-goldy person literally said JK is a sold out king and people are dying to have him promote their work. What!? They're literally implying that JK's Lives helped JM's career and gave him more exposure - I wouldn't be surprised if they wholeheartedly believe that JM's huge success and longevity on the charts is all thanks to JK. These people are really content in ignoring the fact that JM is objectively the most popular BTS member outside of the ARMY Fandom.

And it's crazy that not a single Jikooker commented on their posts to disagree with them. They are really never beating the allegations that they don't care about JM and only use him as a tool for their shipping fantasies.

I'm not going to check the blog because I don't want to lose braincells but I'll take your word for it.

Someone tell her Eunwoo is just as famous or probably even MORE famous than JK in south korea 😭😭😭

Well, most of them never implied it - they outright said a lot of times that he was promoting Jimin and doing for him what the company didn't do. They were saying it even after seven and seeing the difference in treatment. Sometimes I do wonder if they even see it because they seem to be interested only in the interactions and the ship moments. It's not like they really care about anything else.

Promotion is introducing your work to a new audience. Jungkook went live for the same friendless, touch-starved public he goes live for every day; the people watching him that time were the same that wanted Jimin to get hate crimed in the military two weeks ago. Fantastic promo job, indeed. Hope he's collected his nobel peace prize.

A few days ago I suddenly remembered the name of a jikooker whose posts I hadn't come across in a while, so I looked it up and her whole blog is Jungkook. Literally. There's nothing about Jimin. Right after I saw that, Jimin and Jungkook went to Japan and I thought "now she's going to acknowledge Jimin exists". I went to her blog again and lo and behold... a jikook post after months of her not posting anything about Jimin. Not even This is Jimin. That's how all the jikook accounts that get the most interactions are here in tumblr.

Most Jimin biased people at least admit that they care more about Jimin, and that they might have some soft spot or affection for Jungkook. But others act like they really respect and like both in the same capacity when you can tell that's not true. Then they'll try to police others on how to be a fan when they're hypocrites themselves.

"not a single Jikooker commented on their posts to disagree with them. They are really never beating the allegations that they don't care about JM and only use him as a tool for their shipping fantasies."

Exactly. That's why they never cared about the favoritism because they actually, geniunely think Jungkook is better and more deserving. To them, the favoritism was just status quo because to them, Jimin is less than Jungkook as an artist and at times, even as a person. That's why they never said anything, pretend they're not seeing the lies, the mediaplay, the manipulation and all the lenghts they went and are going for him to get stuff Jimin got with the bare minimum and without his fans thinking about records.

[eternalglitch]

With the new tmnt movie coming out, will that shift your interest in rise and cause a discontinuity of like father like son?

Also was this “.. Green staggered slightly, straightening back up as his eyes darted between the portal and Draxum. He dared not back away, but his breath caught in his throat as his heart hammered away in his chest loud enough to be heard.

“You’re lucky that I took an interest in you,” the yokai concluded. “Imagine where you would be if I hadn’t.”

There had once been a spot for him to come back home to, with people that wanted him. But he couldn’t remember exactly when he had realized he no longer was fit to claim that as his home, or why his family had even bothered to put up with him in the first place.

Draxum snorted, finding something in Green lacking. Green didn’t blame him; he could feel the hole within himself, too. “Go on, then,” he ordered. “We better get moving now if you hope to complete these tasks in an acceptable period of time. You first.”

Green didn’t wait for the collar to warn him; he almost tripped over his feet as he ran over to the portal, jumping through without any hesitation this time.

Anywhere was better than there, in that room.

Anywhere.”

Was this a dream or was it like reflected by something that actually happened?

So I actually don't hold much interest in franchises as a way to sell me on something. I might hold interest in specific creatives, but the general brand isn't that important to me. Hollywood is currently running on 80-90% of pre-existing material creation, as in reboots, sequels, spin offs, what-have-you. They do this because they believe they can count on a pre-established fanbase to make more profit with less marketing work, and I... usually want to make them work for my attention still lmao.

This is obviously a personal preference as to how I approach media, and if you are excited already about Mutant Mayhem I am really happy for you! But I don't consider myself a TMNT fan. I was a Rise fan, and Rise is exactly what I would want and I don't want to look for that within a show that was part of the reason for Rise's cancellation. That brings unfair baggage to it and Mutant Mayhem deserves to be looked at for what it is on its own rather than torn apart for being too similar or different to past versions. That happened to Rise, I don't care to do that to another iteration.

So far, all that Mutant Mayhem has really shown is that characters people recognize are being brought back a certain way. And that's cool, but ultimately holds little interest to someone who mainly cares about plot. I'll see how I feel when we learn more about what the movie will actually be about and how well the writing was done. ^^

tldr they have to woo me. And I play hard to get sometimes.

As for how this effects lfls... regardless of Mutant Mayhem, I've actually moved on from Rise three months ago and have already found a new show that I am watching all the time and talking about with my friends. It happens. I still currently plan to write more lfls and haven't changed my plans on that.

And for that particular scene... I'll leave it up to you. You can interpret it as a dream or as a memory. It does the same thing for the story either way.

[just-my-type-x]

Can you write something where Brad tells the reader about his insecurities and then he says she's the girl he's been waiting for?

My Day One

When i tell you this imagine hit different while writing it cuz i was listening to Cherry Blossom.. My baby 🥺

Pic from ig

Brad's POV

I rest my elbows on the kitchen counter and hold my head with my hands. I sigh and brush my fingers through my hair. I walk around the kitchen with a beer in my hand and sit on the couch. I'm restless today and i have a really good reason for it. I'm feeling jealous, I'm uncomfortable.. I'm insecure. Everyone feels like that sometimes, but i haven't felt that way in a long time. For a while, in the past, i ignored all signs of being insecure and unsafe about myself, but I've hit rock bottom. It's been four months since y/n and i have been dating and everything is so beautiful, we're always there for each other and she makes me very happy. But these past days I've felt like i don't deserve any of this. I've felt like everything is going to turn on me just like it did every time. And I'm scared. I'm scared that this time I'm going to lose someone so special i know i'll never recover from. She's my everything, she's all i ever wanted, but I'm insecure about her hurting me, just like the others did. Every now and then, especially when i was single, i remembered how much love and effort i put in my past relationships, yet i received something close to nothing. A few days ago i decided that i should take things slowly with y/n, to see if she really has something for me or she's just using me. I treated her almost like a new-made friend, i barely held her hand when we went out or barely saw her. I know it's wrong, but now i know karma is paying me back. She's in college still and she has a guy best friend that she keeps hanging out with. Of course i didn't tell her, nor will i, to drop her friendships for me, because it's not fair. She posted a video on her story of the two of them being all giggly and having fun together. I sighed and tossed my phone into the pillows. Ever since this afternoon, I've been questioning everything about myself, wondering if I'm good enough for her.

I hear a knock on the door and walk fast to open it.

"Hi", i greet y/n and i give her a smile. She greets me back and smiles quick at me, entering beside me. I look down as i close the door. "Fuck", i whisper and twist the key to lock the door. "How was your day, princess?", i scratch the back of my head.

"Oh, you care now?", she scoffs and throws her backpack on the couch, putting a hand on her forehead as the backpack falls on the floor. I hold back my laughter.

"I always care", i take a few steps closer to her

"Didn't seem like it for a while now. You push me away. I'm sorry I'm not a movie star or a celebrity like you're used to dating, but i have a heart too and it hurts to see I'm not fulfilling your choices in women anymore", her voice cracks and my heart skips a beat. If i only knew how i made her feel...

"What? Darling, you're talking nonsense right now. I want you and only you, i don't care what you do for a living.", i pause to look at her reaction. I sigh,sadness feeling me up. "You and Zach seemed really happy today."

"Brad... We're just friends", she takes my hands in hers. "i just found it funny and posted it."

"I thought you were trying to get back at me for these past days", i bring her closer, pulling her into my arms. "I was so scared that-", i pause, my voice cracking. She pulls back and looks up at me, seeing a tear drop on my cheek. She's quick to wipe it away with her thumb.

"Bradley, baby, what's going on? It's not the first time i post something with Zach. What's gotten into you?", she studies my face carefully

"I'm just.. I was.. I don't know, love. I don't feel like myself at all. I thought i pushed you so far away from me that you found interest in somebody else already. And that you wouldn't want us to get through any problems that we have.", i sigh

"We don't have any problems. You created one, tho. I'm not going to sugar coat you. Because i prefer being bluntly honest with you. I'm not here to have a childish relationship and i know you're not either.", she takes my hand and we walk to the couch, her kicking the backpack further from her sitting spot. I smile at her.

"No, I'm not here for a childish relationship, but i will own up to the fact that i acted childish. We've been dating for a few months and I'm afraid I'm hurrying things again.", her face turns sad and I'm quick to grab her face and kiss her. "I'm afraid you're going to grow cold next to me too.", i glue my forehead to hers and i close my eyes, holding back new forming tears. She opens her mouth to talk, but i cut her off. "I'm insecure, ok? I've been through this thing countless times. When i thought everything was perfect, i was dumped or the relationship started going downhill from there. I guess i didn't want to attach myself again. I got afraid of being heartbroken again. Because this time.. ", my voice cracks again and i sigh.

"This time what, love?", y/n asks and cups my face with her hands. I press my cheek harder on her palm. I take a deep breath and open my eyes, locking them with hers. Her eyes are sparkling, reminding me once again how much i love seeing them almost every day and how much strength they give me.

"This time i won't be able to get over it. I love you too much. I love you. Like crazy. And I'm so insecure with myself. I feel like i wreck everything every time, that's why I'm single so often. I feel like i can make anyone love me. I'm doing so many things wrong and people decide to leave me. I don't know how to manage my love life so i could receive what i give. There's a flaw in me and I'm afraid you're going to see that too.", i reposition myself on the couch, wiping a tear from the corner of my eye amd she does the same to a tear.

"Brad, how can i tell you that you're so wrong for saying everything you've just said?", her voice crack and i feel a tear falling on my face. "You're not wrong for loving someone. You're not wrong for wanting to be loved back at least the same way that you do. And wrecking things? Love, you are so chill with everything, you allow so many things, how can you say that?", she laughs. I chuckle. "Your exes don't come near me, babe. I don't resonate with them in any way and I'm going to fight hard, every day, every night, to give you the same love and appreciation you give me. I will fight hard to make you the happiest man alive, because you make me the happiest woman alive and yiu deserve the whole fucking world for how amazing you are. "

I cup her face and kiss her hard, breathing heavily into the kiss when both of us are out of breath. I brush my nose on hers. "I've been waiting for you for such a damn long time. But the whole waiting game proved to pay off. I'm so happy with you, love. And I'm so sorry I've been an ass these past days."

"I love you so fucking much, Bradley. There are no words to describe how I'm feeling about you, but in this lifetime, I'll make sure to make you feel like you deserve.", she kisses me as hard as before, biting and sucking on my bottom lip.

"I would marry you right now", i say breathless

"Weren't you just talking about taking things slowly?"

"Shut up and kiss me"

[otherlycreatures]

hi, i wanted to start off by saying i love this blog and sometimes i find myself scrolling through it for hours because it's so interesting to me. i have the book as well and i really appreciate that you guys share these things. i've been wanting to share about an experience i had in a lucid dream many months ago, but i had already sent some asks prior and i didn't want to clutter up your inbox. in the dream my family was having both a birthday party and a memorial service at my house. i was surrounded by people i've known, but all of us, including myself, were very small. (about 2 feet tall with adult bodies, but in my dream we were supposedly aged 12-13 years old.) there were "adults" at the party, family members, who appeared to be normal sized humans, but they felt less "real" than the little people. the energy within the dream felt very off and i felt like i was in danger. the sun started to set as i walked around talking to adult family members. i wanted to eat something, but i kept remembering that i had already eaten in the waking world and did not want to eat more. i also i believed that i was getting drunk off beers, but further realized i had never taken a single sip. i felt comforted in the presence of my aunt, but she left me. once i returned to the garage with the little people i felt uneasy again. at this point i became aware that i was not this small in other dreams, but here i felt almost like prey. i began walking towards a door, when another adult family member came up to me. i felt safe again, but then i realized this particular person is actually shorter than me in the waking world. at this point i became fully aware that i was dreaming, and the entire room rearranged itself. i was now laying on my back in a large bed as multiple children in white pajamas danced around the room in a circle. suddenly everything became incredibly clear, much more clear than the waking world, to the extent that i could vividly see pores and other details on the childrens' faces. i became very afraid because i was very aware that these children were fully real and alive. as i began to sit up on the bed, i came halfway out of my body. everyone stopped dancing and stared directly at me as i did this, and i spotted a red headed boy with freckles who resembled someone i went to school with. i managed to get myself to speak, and said "hi," but my voice sounded unusually loud and detached from myself. the boy looked at me with an expression that made me feel as if i shouldn't have felt so confused, and said hi back to me. my first instinct was to ask them if they were real, which felt wrong, so i held my tongue on that. instead i asked him "are you awake?" to which he responded "no i am not." i felt very fearful and repeated myself, asking the entire room this time, "are you awake?" and some other children replied "no, we are not." i then asked "why are you not awake?" and they said "because we are born from the grave." i had the fear that if stayed longer or if i wandered the rest of the way out of my body, i would disappear or become lost forever. at that point i decided i would wake myself up, so i laid back down and reconnected with my body. i woke up laying on my back on the couch.

The Fae and Writer Speak:

First of all, I'm really glad that you like the blog and find the book helpful! That makes us both happy.

Now, the dream...

There's a lot to this, so I'll do my best to relay what I'm getting, as the writer, as well as what Atri is telling me. He said first thing, that this is about the death of your youth. It's a crossroads dream, where you're not a child, but not an adult. (or you are an adult, but inside don't feel like you're 'really' an adult) You're afraid away from the adults, because you feel too small still and that scares you.

The death and birthday, have to do with the death and birth.. as all deaths are births into new stages of life. You are at a crossroad and this is manifesting in your dreams.

Now, that said, he says that crossroads can attract other beings in the astral. Crossroads are very vivid and powerful energetic places to be.

The boy and children are Fae. He knows by the glamour of the boy to look like your schoolmate, and by their answers to your question.

Of course, they are not awake. That is not their name.

When you asked, 'why,' they told you where they come from. They have come there because of the grave in your life or dream, if you'd rather. Whenever something dies, something is born, and here they are, born on the energy of that Nature.

The unsettled and prey like feeling you had or perhaps still have in the wake is because you were realizing in your vividness in the dream, that there was something 'off' about them, and not a normal part of a regular dream. They were Fae .. it can be a very surreal feeling when experiencing something very very real in it's truth from just fantasizing about it.

Fae are not always sweet butterfly wings and summer magic. The presence of Fae can be a little disarming and unfamiliar, especially when you realize it isn't normal for them to be there.

[microsuedemouse]

OXENFREE my beloved. Would you mind sharing your thoughts? It's always a pleasure to hear what people think of the game, especially to have a Before and After reaction to a normal vs NG+

HELLO I'M SO SORRY I KEPT FORGETTING TO ANSWER THIS

anyway uhhh. yeah. Thoughts. okay well for starters, I haven't actually started a NG+ yet bc I wanted to let the story percolate for a few days before I launched back in, so I was playing something totally different in the meantime. I finished that a couple days ago though so I think I'm gonna head back to Oxenfree next

my first play was a kind playthrough, because... that's just what I'm like lol. I really want to do a silent run bc I think that's an interesting concept and also bc anytime my dialogue choice interrupted one of the other characters I was like... NO I WANTED TO KNOW WHAT THEY WERE SAYING lmao. I also like... kind of want to do a mean run, for the sake of learning as much of the story as possible, but I also don't know if I have the heart for it lmao?? there are many games that give you the chance to be a dick and I am ALWAYS bad at taking that option. it makes me feel terrible hahaha

I absolutely loved the game's mechanics and setup. video games are most interesting to me personally as a vehicle for narrative, and Oxenfree tells the story so well. dialogue being a major portion of the gameplay? listening to conversations as you move and choosing not only what to say but when to speak or stay silent... is such an interesting and engaging gameplay device. like I said before, sometimes I almost didn't want to choose a dialogue option, because I wanted to hear out the rest of what the other characters were saying.

and the story itself is so good. I am SUCH a sucker for character-driven stories, and on top of that, the family relationship(s) absolutely got me. Alex is a youngest sibling and I'm an oldest, so we differ in that regard, but it's still true that I'm incredibly close with my siblings, so stories that deal with siblings who love each other will always pull at my heartstrings. (this one, I'm sure you can guess, broke my heart.) even the very fresh but developing relationship between Alex and Jonas was really interesting to me.

I'm also a huge sucker for supernatural horror, and horror that effectively explores interesting human themes without being All Highfalutin Metaphor. Oxenfree pulls off both with an incredibly charming and straightforward, low-tech sort of mechanic for exploring said horror. I love that you don't even have to go looking for the backstory if you don't want to; all the explanations and history are pretty much secondary to the main plotline that you're made to follow. (which has interesting RP implications, too - are you playing Alex as curious enough to go looking for all the weird broadcasts and letters, or as too angry and/or scared to care?)

I love the game. its scope is perfect. just a few characters to care about, but enough that there are complex relationships to unravel and not quite enough time to delve into all of them. this weird little island that you can explore in pretty much any order and direction you like, with lots of secrets to be found if you want to look. the really effectively spooky atmosphere. the weird implications about ghosts and possible afterlives, about time and maybe time travel, about the relationships between life and death, between the living and the dead... PLUS great, vibey art, and gloriously realistic branching dialogue with great voice acting, and weird scary ghosts(?), and emotionally intense choices to make...

I'm sure with more time my thoughts will crystallise further - not to mention with more plays. I'll try to remember to come back and share any further feedback I have! it's the kind of game that I think I'll have intelligent things to say about in another like, month or two, once I've mulled over it for longer and/or talk to someone else about it, hehe. I'm trying to get my youngest sibling to play it, bc they'd LOVE it.

[sydmarch]

some people are such absolute FREAKS I swear to god. there was this guy who last spring I went on 3 dates with over the course of several months before deciding I wasn't interested for a multitude of reasons & after that there were a few times he tried texting me, sometimes from different numbers than the one I had saved for him & every time I'd swerve him. so recently I get some outrageously horny text from a random number with the same area code hed always used & im like not this fucking dude again!! I'm annoyed so I text him back "kind of aggressive after like 6 months without talking lmao?" since the last time I shot him down was January & he responds like "months? it's been years" I'm like ok wtf who is this then I guess I assumed it was the wrong person? & he keeps being vague & refuses to tell me his name & is asking if I'll fuck his girlfriend and shit so now I'm thinking it's a wrong number because what on earth. but then he's like "do you still have a thing for fat guys" so I'm like omg this is someone who knows me who the fuck is it!!! eventually he tells me his name is David and I'm like I do NOT know a David... & he's implying that we had gotten to second base & I do NOT do casual sex I don't even go beyond kissing unless I've gotten to know someone at least somewhat well so it's not like there was some potential hookup I forgot about (like no shade if you DO have hookups you dont remember im just not that type of person so there was no explanation that made sense)... SO weird & then he's all do you wanna meet up this week I'm like who ARE YOU I don't know any David but then it occurs to me I changed my name during quarantine so the only guy I've ever been on a date with as syd besides my last ex was the fucking guy I originally thought it was so if this really was some guy from years ago trying to fuck with me he would only know my deadname. so I ask him who he thinks he's texting & he says syd so I'm like IT IS HIM is this fucking freak just dumb enough to have NO IDEA how time works? we only even MET one year ago!!! & what was the end goal on making up a fake name and pretending to be some other guy??? what did he expect to happen when we met up if for some reason I was like yeah sure let's meet??? freakish loser weirdo behavior. who acts like this. move on dude I already wasn't fucking interested but didnt really have any hard feelings towards you, now I actively hope you kill yourself for doing something this fucking deranged

[annieintheaair]

I think you're seeing someone else; I think you're seeing who I used to be.

I think the worst thing about moving forward sometimes is letting go of your expectations. All of the “it was supposed to be” and “I was looking forward to.” It’s hard sometimes to accept a new reality.

After a while, the loneliness goes away. You reconnect with friends, own all of your time, and realize the joy of being single again. Sure, your weekends look a little different, but you have so much more time back in your life. It’s almost like when you’re in a meeting that ends early— they tell you they’re “giving you time back”. At first, maybe you’re not sure what to do with that time, but then you realize it’s actually a gift.

I was given 88 flight hours for the month of May. Initially, I was mad. I did not want to go beyond my comfortable 65-75 hours. Then, yesterday morning, I sat down in front of my computer and decided to pick up more hours— up to 105. Will I be exhausted? Absolutely. But will I be making a lot more money? Yes!

So what does it mean to work 105 hours for the month? Well, I'm still off for Cinco de Mayo and Memorial Day weekend. I realized that working more hours doesn't have to suck-- when I fly with friends, it's actually not like going to work at all. I worked with my friend Kia the other night and we had such a great time catching up that we decided to pick up more trips to work together in May. Work isn't that bad when you're with friends.

Spending more time at work, especially since I fly at night, means no time for dating. I haven't really been interested in dating right now and I find swiping to be a complete waste of my time. Instead, I want to enjoy the things I want to do, spend time with friends, work, and focus on all of the bigger things I'm currently dealing with in my life. Finding a new relationship isn't even on my priority list right now.

The thing is, when a relationship ends, obviously, you feel sad, but over time, you find joy in being single again. Sometimes, it's just nice to have those few days off from work open without any plans. If I decide at the moment that I want to do something, then I'll do it, but I'm not letting anyone down by bailing on weekend plans or deciding I'd rather stay home and have a movie marathon.

I remember two years ago when I had the situationship with Joe. I think I knew it would never actually be something but I let it play out anyway. It was the end of April 2022 and I remember Dan telling me on the phone, many times, that I deserved better than Joe. I knew he was right but I was still sad when it ended. It wasn't even like Joe had taken up much of my time and back then I was still flying some multi-day trips for work.

One night, after Ras and Gabrielle left my house, I jumped in the shower and all of these feelings just hit me. Even though Joe and I had never really been anything, the rejection, even though it was my choice to end it, stung. I wondered if anyone would ever love me and I so badly wanted to know the truth about me and Dan. I sent him a long text asking and then he called me.

Dan and I talked on the phone for a long time that night. It was the closure that I so desperately needed after all of those years. It was almost 12 years after our final breakup but I needed to know why he cheated on me and why we could never work it out. It was that night when I realized that someone cheating on me or not loving me wasn't actually about me. Dan reminded me that he was stupid and made bad choices and that he regretted it every day. I was still someone worth loving and I deserved happiness, even though it never felt like it at the time.

In the beginning, Dan and I would walk to Waterplace Park at night and sit by the river and talk. Everything then was so easy and innocent. The start of college held so much promise for both of us. It made me wonder, many times, how we went from sitting by the river watching the fish to awful fights where we said so many things we never should have said and really didn't actually mean. There was so much hurt over the years-- Dan from making bad choices and usually me from saying horrible things when I was hurt and upset, as a result of his choices.

When Dan called me two years ago, I didn't know that day that in less than four months, he would be gone forever. No one knows the future and I definitely didn't know that day that he would die in a few months. After he passed away, once I cried all the tears I could possibly cry, I realized how grateful I was that I received that closure just a few months prior. I guess I needed to know that someone leaving was never a reflection of me but a choice they made, just like the choice we make in relationships where we choose to love the other person every day. Love is a choice, just like cheating is a choice.

Young college me was always devastated by the hurt that Dan put me through, over and over again. As we grew up and met and dated other people, he realized that he would never find another me. The other day, while working with my friend Kia, she reminded me of the same -- that Todd would never find another me. She said, "He's not going to find anyone better than you."

When I thought about what Kia said and the same sentiment that I've gotten from my other friends, I wondered if Todd ever really knew me at all. The person that my friends know and the person that Dan never stopped loving, is lovable and very deserving of love. She's a person with a good heart, who forgives, who works hard, and who never gives up on people, no matter how hard it is sometimes. It almost made me sad to think that Todd never got to know the real me, and learn to and choose to love me the way that other people in my life do. The person who is really missing out, as my friends and Dan would say, is Todd.

While I'm not out there dating right now and looking to meet someone new, I hope to someday meet someone organically, in the real world, outside of the apps. I can't say that I'll ever rejoin the apps but I also can't promise I won't rejoin someday. For now, as my therapist, Jose, said this morning, "You're practicing self-care, which is what you need the most right now."

xoxo

Annie

[purplesurveys]

1852

When did you last see someone you know in public? I saw Pau at UPTC last weekend which was a nice surprise.

Do you enjoy going to the dentist? Does anyone, like, *actively* enjoy being at the dentist? Haha but I mean have no qualms with dentist appointments; I'll say that much. I find the procedures quite soothing anyway. Even if it's to pull out a tooth or something, I'm fine with, since they're just there to help out.

When did you last eat something you didn’t like? I tried the chili cheese flavor from Potato Corner for the first time, but I ended up not really liking it that much since it was way too spicy.

Do you think you’d survive if zombies took over the world? Well, probably not. I'd lack the street smarts.

When did you last hang out with a bunch of friends at one time? Sometime last year, can't remember when exactly. I saw my college friends.

What kind of music is your least favorite? Country.

Are you and your best friend complete opposites? Mmm I wouldn't say completely. We have some stark contrasts here and there but we also have a few similar beliefs/hobbies/interests.

Would people around you say you’re regularly a mean person? I don't think so. They might tell you I'm cranky or moody, because I am; but probably (and I hope lol) not mean.

Do you like the colour yellow at all? Some shades are pleasing to the eye but overall I wouldn't pick yellow as a first color for, like, anything.

If you were to write a novel, what would it be about? I'll just stick to writing a memoir.

How many times have you logged in to Bzoink? (it has a counter) I've never had a Bzoink account, although I used to be a lurker. RIP :(

Are you currently pretending to be someone’s friend? No, that's an awful thing to do.

Are you an impatient person? Definitely can be.

Are you afraid to watch movies that have sex scenes with your friends? No.

Who sings the last song you listened to? Hayley Williams.

Why do you think some actors don't want to see their movies/shows? They're highly self-critical and are never pleased with their performance. At least that's how I know it to be from pro wrestlers.

Do you think fortune tellers are the devil’s messengers (haha)? Not necessarily, but what I think of them is that they are scammers.

Would you rather use napkins or paper towels? Idk, napkins I guess. I don't really have a preference.

Do you go to the pool in the summer time very often? No cause it's such a hassle to clean up and rid your body of all the chlorine lol (or if at the beach, all the sand). I just prefer to have the aircon on and stay indoors, away from the sun as much as possible.

Have you ever had a serious issue involving your eyes? Apart from the time a distant relative purposely hurled a glass bottle purposely targeting my eye because idk he is an unhinged little fuck, there's just my eyesight which is progressively getting worse.

Have you ever watched South Park? Who’s your favorite character? I've never seen an episode.

Do you have sensitive teeth? I have one lower tooth which has a tendency to get sensitive.

Do you enjoy or hate snow days? Why is this your choice? Uhm no but we have typhoon days which I guess is the closest thing? I selfishly liked them because it meant suspended classes.

Do you turn pale when you get sick? I don't think so, because I've never been told that.

Does it bother you to get shots in the mouth? Does it hurt? I've only gotten those when I needed to get wisdom tooth extractions, and in those cases I was just mostly grateful because it meant my pain was going to come to an end lol.

When did you last talk seriously with one of your parents? Few months ago when I was still crying and confiding to my dad about work.

What is the day of the week currently? Tuesday.

Is anything exciting coming up in the next three months? Jin coming back, BTS' 11th anniversary, and our family trip to Vietnam...all happening within the same week hahaha.

Do you ever borrow money from someone? No.

Do you know anyone who tells every single thing you say? I don't think so.

When did you last kiss someone on the cheek? Who was it? I only do that to my dogs these days hahahahahaha.

Why do you think people like Lady Gaga so much? She was unafraid to be different and to stir conversations, especially in her earlier years.

Do you have a lot of enemies, or not so much? I'm an adult.

Can you count backwards from 100 without a mistake? I'm sure I can.

Do you have any friends you’ve had since birth? Nah.

Do you care if your friends talk badly about you? If they want to do so they can say it to my face, otherwise I wouldn't consider them a friend.

Would you rather drink out of a straw or just the cup alone? Straw.

Does anyone ever say they miss you often? Nope.

Would you rather become a wizard or a vampire, if you had the choice? I don't care.

Is there anyone out there who has made you feel miserable? I can think of two off the top of my head.

Do you have a problem answering personal questions? Not for the most part as I am generally an open book. The only people I'd feel hesitant towards would be my immediate family haha.

What color is the vacuum-cleaner in your house? Maroon and grey.

Have you already moved out of your parents’ house? Nope.

Are your parents divorced, married or separated? Married.

Have you ever thought you might just have obsessive compulsive disorder? Yes.

Do you think it’s rude to text someone else while on a date? Idk and idc about dating etiquette, but in general texting here and there for me is fine. It's only rude when the cellphone use becomes excessive because then it's like why'd we even go out?

What is the funniest movie you’ve ever seen? White fuckin Chicks.

What are your views on our current president? He's a little shit.

Is it awkward to see your best friend’s parents out in public? No. I'd run to them and give them a hug if that's the case. They're already considered family.

Who is the person you talk to the most in your house? Sister.

Is there a television show out there that you never miss? I watch Raw weekly, but that's pretty much it.

What movie have you seen too many times to be healthy? Two for the Road and Room.

What are the last two digits of your phone number? Nope.

Does it creep you out to see people with mullets? No.

What is your biggest responsibility in your household? I'd say the task I take the most seriously is keeping the dogs' health in check and taking them to the vet. Shots and checkups aren't cheap, and that's a responsibility I'm more than happy to cover.

How cold did it get where you live, last winter? Back in Jan-Feb in our winterless country we reached temps of 24-25C, which was a delight.

Do you ever wish you could go back in time to redo something? No.

Ever accidentally pull out a filling from your tooth? Nope.

Do you ever wonder what your exes are doing? Not really.

Have you ever been caught in a huge lie with your parents? Sure.

Do you ever listen to the radio anymore? Only when the Bluetooth decides to be a brat and the car can't locate my phone.

Does it bother you to have personal conversations with people? No, I like insightful talks.

Ever ride in a limo? When did you last do so? I don't think I have.

Do any of your body parts hurt at this moment in time? My tummy kind of does since I wore super tight jeans all day hahah.

Are you sober at the time being? Yes.

Do any of your friends constantly do things to annoy you? No.

When did you last eat a Starburst? What color was it? I can't even remember. I don't encounter them ever.

Have you ever lied to someone & said they could sing when they couldn’t? No, because everyone I know who's willing to sing in public are actually great singers lol.

Do you ever call backstabbers out on what they do? If I'm comfortable enough with them, sure.

How many people in the world do you trust? Three.

[loverlylight]

Hey, on for a bit. Got some more writing done, about halfway through the summary I wrote and at about 3500 words. It's a very rough draft, since on top of everything else that's rusty for writing, I'll need to do some spell checking and remember how one shows and not tells. Putting the rough draft before the summary, though, just... because. It's a "what if Duke Keane and Uncle Wiley met", since I'm not having much luck finding stuff about the two of them thus far. My draft ends before the stuff I think is particularly interesting, like Wiley talking about Miss Holloway and why he sought out Duke so this is a lot of setup+Wiley being creepy+Duke trying to figure out who this guy is and what's going on.

Also, for story reasons Wiley hasn't told Duke his name yet, and since Duke is the POV character in this part there is a lot of referring to Uncle Wiley as "the man". And occasionally "the stranger".

Duke Keane wished he could enjoy his drive home, really.

He enjoyed nature well enough, and liked being around trees, but something about the Witchwood forest always left him feeling slightly uneasy. Especially at this time of year, when the name seemed especially apt. While a few sparse leaves clung on, almost all of the trees surrounding the road were bare, pointing spindly digits towards the heavens. A few amber rays lingered on the horizon, but nighttime was coming, and it was coming fast. The eerie feeling was only amplified by how empty the road was; Duke knew from experience this route was all but abandoned this late in the evening.

But Duke had chosen loneliness over dealing with the traffic and extra miles of road to get home if he had driven into the city proper, and he'd just have to live with that. Duke reached over to where his phone lay on the passenger seat and turned up the volume on his makeshift radio, hoping the upbeat 80's pop songs would help him feel a bit more settled. He had finally gotten the car radio fixed over the summer, back when he had to take his (station wagon?) in and out of the shop for a few weeks, but even if his car had been running smoothly for months trying to use the radio right now was pointless. Any type of connection was shaky out here-- radio, internet, cell service-- but hey, that's what downloading songs are for, Duke reasoned.

Duke usually wasn't out this late, but he had to stay a few extra hours to make sure everything was all right with one of his kids before he'd felt right about heading home. Being a social worker was... difficult, to say the least. Perhaps especially in Hatchetfield, but Duke couldn't say for sure. He wouldn't give it up for anything, though. Duke knew firsthand how difficult life could be for a child without anyone they could truly depend on. His own father passed away when Duke was barely a teenager, and despite people's efforts he ended up falling through the cracks of a failing system. And even so, Duke knew there were children who had things far worse than he did.

So, Duke grew up, got his qualifications, and became a social worker. He held no illusions that he could fix things completely, but he had to try. He had to do the best he could, even if some times, many times, it wouldn't be enough. Just having someone there, someone who tries to help, can be a blessing, but the kids in Hatchfield would often contend with... unusual things. Things Duke could barely work out the logic of sometimes. Things that would occasionally get Duke wondering if all the creepy urban legends that spread across the town had a hint of truth to them. Legends about witches, cults, axe-weilding murderers, even stories of a more strictly supernatural (bent). Duke grew past any serious belief in those a long time ago, but still, sometimes he wondered. Regardless of the cause, some of the kids he worked with were dealing with things outside his scope, and he'd be at a loss for how to help. All he could do in those situations was offer any scant help he could provide and wish desperately that he knew someone who could actually provide the answers those kids needed.

Duke was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of engine sputtering.

"Shit." Duke muttered under his breath, manuvering the (type of car) onto the sliver of (edge of the road) before it died completely. So much for her being back to functioning reliably. Duke grabbed a pocket flashlight from the (well between seats) and hopped out of the car, quickly closing the door behind him. He wrapped his jacket a bit tighter with one hand, bracing himself against the late twilight chill. This was not ideal, to say the least. He did not want to be stuck here all evening, or to have to walk for miles down the road until he was able to get a signal and call for a tow. There wasn't anyone waiting for him at home, either, so he couldn't count on his absense being noticed.

Duke popped the hood of his car, squinting as he ran the dim light of his flashlight over the engine. For a moment he contemplated grabbing his phone to use as a light instead, but since he didn't really know what he was looking for he didn't want to eat up the remaining battery. Sure, Duke wasn't completely clueless when it came to cars, but just because he could change the oil and jumpstart the battery it didn't mean he'd be able to tell the cause of the trouble if it wasn't blatantly obvious.

Which, of course, it wasn't.

Duke let out a sharp huff and tried looking over the engine once more, trying to will himself to know how to fix this. Wishful thinking wasn't doing him much good, however, and Duke was about to admit defeat when he heard a sharp drawl ring out from behind him.

"Car trouble?"

Duke whirled around, startled, and his flashlight landed on a tall man in an all-demin ensemble, who couldn't have been more than five feet behind him. Duke's eyes darted around the area, baffled. Putting aside how the man was able to get so close without him noticing, where had he even come from? He would have noticed if there had been another car on the road, and there wasn't really a (space) to walk along the road either. He knew there were a few folks who lived in the Witchwood, but he was fairly certain there weren't any inhabitants nearby.

The man remained standing there, head cocked ever-so-slightly, hint of a smirk that didn't reach his eyes, and he stared silently at Duke with an odd intensity Duke couldn't really account for. The two remained frozen in silence for a few more seconds, before Duke gave the stranger a weak smile. This man was giving him the creeps, but no matter where he came from or why he was here, he might be Duke's only hope for avoiding a cold night stranded in the woods.

"Heya," Duke put as much charm and cheer in his voice as he could muster, "didn't hear you come up. I don't want to bother you, but are you any good with cars? Mine seems to have decided she was done for the day."

The strange man remained staring intently at Duke, who quashed the urge to squirm. He knew better than to judge someone off of a decidedly unsettling first impression, and if he alienated the man the likelihood of someone else showing up was slim to nil. Duke may be internally working out what to do if the man turned out to be dangerous, but hey, benefit of the doubt, right?

After a few more moments of uncomfortable silence, the man shrugged.

"Let me see what I can do."

Duke took a few steps back and gave a nod of appreciation, handing over his flashlight without a word as the man strode forward. He fiddled with the cuff of his jacket nervously as the stranger rested his hand on the front of his car and stared down at the engine for a short while, not looking for anything in particular as far as Duke could tell. Then, to Duke's surprise, the man lowered the hood and turned back to face him.

"Should be able to get it running now. Do you think you could give me a lift?"

At that, the tension in Duke's body releases, and he allows a brighter smile to grace his features. This man must have been stranded here too, that would explain things! If he had been trying to find his own way out of the woods that could by why he was acting off, and it was just Duke's heightened nerves from his car breaking down that made him paranoid. Maybe this man's car broke down further up the road, maybe he was a hiker who lost track of time, Duke didn't really care. But this seemed to be man who was also in need of help, and if Duke could he would be happy to provide it.

"Of course I can, provided I can get her started! Where you heading to?"

Duke didn't know how it happened, honestly. One minute the stranger was standing by the hood of the car, and the next he was all but pinning Duke against the side of the car. The flashlight had dropped from his hand, and from it's light Duke could see it had been replaced in the man's hand with a pitch-black knife.

"Actually," the man said casually, raising the knife to make sure Duke could see it, "why don't you just give me the keys?"

Duke slowly raises his arms, trying to placate the man. He doesn't seem to be particularly angry or close to violence, but that knife is far too close to his face for comfort. So, this isn't a hitchhiking situation after all, it's a carjacking. This isn't something Duke's dealt with before, but having to defuse volatile situations comes with the job, and he knows better than to risk his life over this.

"Okay, that's fine," Duke keeps his voice steady and slow, but never moves his eyes from the other man, "I'm just going to grab my phone so I can find some other way home, all right?"

The man chuckles, and Duke does not like the sound of that one bit.

"Oh, no no no. You're coming with me."

The breath catches in Duke's throat and he can feel the color drain from his face. He had been able to keep calm for the most part until now but he felt his heart start to race as actual fear started to settle in. This couldn't be happening. Was he really getting abducted right now?

He opened his mouth, trying to think of something to say, but closed it again after he knew nothing was coming to him. His eyes darted wildly around his surrounding, trying to think of something, anything that he could do to get out of this. But he has no weapon, nowhere to run, and the look in the stranger's eyes tells him he won't be reasoned out of this either. The man stepped closer, closing the remaining ground and looked directly into Duke's eyes.

"Now, you're not going to make me ask a second time, are you?"

Duke gulps inaudibly as the man idly taps the tip on his blade against Duke's chest, just below the collarbone. He was in way, way over his head.

After a few tense moments, Duke lets out a shaky breath.

"No, I... won't."

Duke reaches into his jacket pocket, pulls out his keys, and drop them into the man's waiting palm. The man immediately breaks into a wide unsettling grin, and Duke cringes back against the car door.

"Smart move," the man says glibly, tapping his blade against Duke's cheek in a show of faux affection. He backs away slightly, and gestures with the knife to the other side of the car. The two walk slowly to the passenger side door, knife always menacingly close to Duke. The stranger opened the door, grabbed Duke's phone off the seat, and gestures with his head for Duke to enter. Duke slowly sits down, gaze flicking between the strangers face and his knife, trying to gauge if things have reached the point where trying to make a break for it and getting lost in the Witchwoods was a safer bet. Before he can, however, the doors are locked and his abductor is in the drivers seat, turning the key and starting the car without a hitch. It's too late to try and run now.

"Where are we going?" Duke asks quietly, trying to gather any type of information to give him some type of advantage.

"Oh, you'll find out soon enough," the stranger says with a smile, gazing out into the tangled growth of trees beside them. He then looks Duke in the eyes once more.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Duke."

Before the gravity of what the man said had time to sink in, they were plunging off of the road and into the depths of the Witchwood.

-scene break-

Duke doesn't know how long he's been there, sitting shotgun as his abductor drove them through the woods.

Any remnant of day has long since died, and the only thing to break the endless blackness were the headlights shining straight ahead. The dashboard clock read 12:00 and hasn't moved, even though Duke knows, he knows it's been more over a minute. The route the stranger is taking them is convoluted, Duke tried to keep track in the hopes of eventual escape and backtracking but he'd long since given up. The man clearly wasn't driving on any sort of path either, Duke was frankly surprised his car seemed to make it over the rough terrain with little issue. And not only that, but the forest seemed... off. Like things were shifting somehow, but nothing blatant enough to be obvious.

Duke winced slightly as the car drove between two trees that he could tell were too close together for the car to fit, and yet somehow it did. Duke glanced out of the corner of his eye at the man driving, who was looking unerringly from the path ahead. He hugged himself slightly and turned away, the silent void on his right far less unsettling than what he could find elsewhere at the moment.

The strange man had been silent ever since they left the road proper. After a few minutes Duke had tried gently asking a few questions, hoping he'd be allowed some insight into what was going on, but the man acted like he hadn't heard Duke. He quickly gave up and allowed a tense silence to settle, only broken by the car thrumming around them. And in that silence, Duke's mind raced.

This man knew him.

Somehow, this man knew him, and Duke had no idea who the man was.

He wasn't the father or guardian of one of his kids, right? He thought he had a good recollection in that regard, but that was the only option that came close to making sense. Even that thought was quite a stretch, but Duke kept trying to come up with another possibility and came up empty. Duke was far from unfriendly, but he still managed to avoid any close bonds outside of his work, much less something that would prompt this type of action.

And what was "this type of action" anyway? If the man wanted to kill him he could have done so just as easily back at the car. Trying to get a ransom? Since the guy apparently knew who he was, he would've known Duke didn't have enough in the way of funds or connections for it to be worth his trouble. Whatever was going on, he knew it had to be premeditated. Even though his car breaking down had to have been coincidental, if this had been an indiscriminant act, this stranger just happening to know his name was too implausible.

Duke was pulled from his thoughts as the car slowed to a halt. They had made it to a clearing, Duke could almost make out the trees on the other side. In the center was a small stone hut, decrepit and ancient. The stranger turned to look at Duke for the first time in ages, pinning him with his gaze once more.

"Well Duke, given what I know about you, I don't think you're stupid to try and run away now, are you? You know that even if you try and run you won't find your way out of the woods, and I don't want to waste my time tracking you down again."

Duke knew he was right. He wasn't exactly a survivalist, and if the man was able to navigate the two of them here he cartainly knew the woods better than Duke did. He didn't know what this man was going to do to him, but if he fled the mostly likely outcomes were a slow death of cold and starvation or recapture. Duke managed to tear his eyes away from the other man, and dropped his gaze to the floor, trying to steel himself for whatever was about to come.

"Are you going to kill me?" Duke didn't know if he had meant to say that out loud, or if his thoughts had grown so overwhelming they had to spill out of his mouth.

The stranger let out a low chuckle.

"Tempting, but no. This is a gift. Whether the gift is for you or not, well... that's up to you."

Duke's head snapped up, brow furrowed deeply. That was not at all what he had expected.

"What is that supposed to--"

"We are going to go in there," the man cut Duke off, gesturing to the hut with the knife he had once against drawn from his jacket, "and there's going to be a little chat. We can do this at knifepoint, or you can walk in by yourself. You understand?"

Duke almost, but stops himself before any words come out. While his terror now has a healthy dose of confusion mixed in, his fear was still running the show. This man made things fairly clear that whatever happens next is going to happen on his terms, and Duke knew nothing he could say would have much of an effect. He closes his eyes tight for a moment, willing that this all be nothing but a bad dream, and then nods. The man flashed Duke a condescending grin.

"Good."

He turns off the car and the headlight with them, and the blackness envelops them completely. Duke gets out of the car and closes the door behind him, squinting into the darkness. A few stars (there were usually more stars out than this, weren't there?), faint and distant in the sky, kept the outside world from total darkness, but still Duke could barely make out his hand in front of his face. His sight adjusted slightly and he could see the man standing in front of him, staring, waiting. Duke took a deep breath and stepped forward.

The twigs snapped beneath their feet, and the air felt frigid and overbearing. Duke couldn't hear anything, no nocturnal animals, no distant rush of water, he couldn't even hear any wind through the trees. The two reach the stone hut, and Duke's captor swing open the decaying door, hinges protesting with a shriek.

Duke froze, his breath hitching inside him. The woods were nothing, that hut... inside that hut was pure blackness. It felt jarring, like it was poorly inserted into reality, a true vacuum from which the outside world fled.

A hand clasps around his shoulder and Duke starts, surpressing a shout. His captor stood right behind him to his left, arm resting almost casually across his back even as the vice grip at his shoulder tightened.

"I... I don't think I can do this."

"Just follow me. You'll be fine." The words provided no comfort but a threat. The thought of entering that vast nothing may petrify Duke, but there was an unspoken understanding that they would enter, one way or another.

Hesitantly, Duke stepped over the threshold.

He was half-surprised to find his foot land on solid ground instead of plummeting into an endless abyss. His mind must have been playing tricks on him in his stress. This was just an old hut, nothing more. Windowless and almost certainly ready to collapse at any moment, but still just a hut. The man closed the door behind the two of them, and they proceeded forward. Duke could still see nothing, but the other man walked forward with ease and purpose, guiding Duke effortlessly with the hand on his shoulder.

Suddenly, they stop.

"Kneel down."

Duke's blood ran cold and any sense of coping with the situation fled. He should have ran. He should have ran when they arrived, he should have ran before they got in the car, he should have ran the moment the man first spoke.

"What?" That was all Duke could get out, in a strained, breathless whisper.

"Now, I thought you weren't going to mae me do this the hard way." There's a tightness and an edge to the man's voice, and even if Duke can't see the blade resting near his neck he sure as hell can feel it.

They had come this far. There was no point in struggling now.

Duke lowered himself blindly to the floor, sitting on his thighs and trying to focus on the roughness of the stone against his jeans. Anything to bring his mind away from what was happening. The man grabbed him, firmly but not harshly, and Duke allowed his body to be manuevered so he was now (that type of kneeling where it's like you're standing on your knees). Duke closes his eyes and takes a shaky breath, and then another, trying to keep some semblance of control, when suddenly something cold and heavy is latched around his right wrist.

"What the hell?!" Duke yells, eyes flying open and instinctually trying to yerk his hand out of the iron shackle. The only response he gets is a shackle closing around his other wrist.

"What's going on? Why are you doing this?" Panic has fully set in, and Duke writhes against the chains lashing him to the floor. They're taut enough that no matter how Duke thrashes, he is unable to move from his kneeling position. The denim-clad man makes no response, and suddenly a pinprick of light blinks to life across the room. Then another, then another.

[cosettepontmercys]

Hi! I know it's been a few days since I replied! I hope we get to see the pink cover or vinyl later today or tomorrow! Hopefully it's bubblegum cotton candy or Barbie pink lol. Oh yes I totally missed the vault unscramble last time but I think it's cuz it got leaked so hopefully there will be one for 1989 sometime soon! I can't believe it's been a year since Midnights was announced..a lot has happened since and also she sang Cornelia Street at a show this weekend!

Ooh I would love a Newsies or Next to Normal revival..even if these shows somehow feel recent to me still lol. I wonder how they could make it different. But ya I definitely liked the Spring Awakening revival! It's always cool when they do something different with the show. I actually still haven't seen the movie or musical of Oklahoma yet but heard mixed reviews of the tour. I just watched the Barbra Streisand movie On a Clear Day you Can See Forever recently but apparently they did a gender swapped version when they revived it and I thought that was interesting. The Outsiders is one of my favorite movies and books so obviously I hope the musical is good. I'm still unsure about your question what I would want adapted, cuz my favorite movies are kinda simple and already iconic..like the Breakfast Club, for example. There is also a Back to the Future musical which I think is okay. Almost Famous felt cash grabby and nothing like the movie I think. It makes more sense to adapt something more mysterious or with a lot of costumes or something and I can't think of anything! What was your answer? I'm really curious what you would pick.

Omg..you already finished the book! How was it? If you read it so fast, does that mean it was good or that you were trying to get through it? Based on your rating, I can't tell. Also..I really appreciate how you answered the question about rating but I'll try not to worry about it when I'm reading and just enjoy the books.I will make time for more reading today and I'll see how much I can get through. It did seem like an easy and quick read. Aww okay..but it seemed like I'll Give You The Sun will be a good read, but I'll focus on Mistakes were Made for now. I hate when I can't remember stuff that happens in books I read a long time ago..or if the book just doesn't leave an impression..cuz that's when I forget about it. But thats different than you reading it a long time ago..so hopefully you would still like it now if you reread it. Oh..the Night Circus has been on my shelf for almost a year and now maybe I'll finally read it! I've heard such good things about it too! So maybe I will..when I need a change of genre since it seemed spooky..maybe in October? I'm really trying to do more reading and actually finishing at least one or two books a month for the rest of the year, instead of being in the middle of so many. I also got the Hunger Games spinoff to read before the movie comes out so hopefully that motivates me. How often do you read a few books at a time or do you usually just try to finish ones once you've already started? You seem to read really fast..or does it just depend on the book? I know we might've talked about this before, but do you read everyday for a certain time? I'm trying to stick to that and make it part of my routine so hopefully I will finish this book quickly! I will send you another ask later with some of my thoughts once I read more.

hello hello!! i'm so so excited for the pink vinyl but also if she wants to wait a bit longer to drop it (until after payday) i would very much appreciate it 😂 and yeah, someone unfortunately leaked the speak now track list so there was no vault unscramble! i cannot believe it's already been a year; time flies! i saw cornelia street and i am so so happy for everyone there!!! i think my favorite surprise song from this weekend was either tell me why, or afterglow, but the cornelia street/you're on your own kid pairing was so good. my friends and i were joking around a while ago, and i was like "i feel like you could give me any two taylor songs and i could find some sort of lyric parallel between them" and so now it's a bit of a game in our friend group to do that with surprise songs! i just think it's really interesting to see how taylor's use of words / phrases / themes / motifs / etc. have changed (or stayed consistent) over the years.

it's been nine years since newsies closed, which feels very very unreal to me! i didn't follow the oklahoma tour, and have actually never seen the movie/any non-revival production of it, but i saw the revival (went in completely blind) and loved it. i'd recommend giving this a read if you have some time! ooh a breakfast club musical could be interesting, i'm surprised they haven't done one yet. i would love a the night circus adaptation, but i think that one would make more sense if it was more of an immersive (think like, sleep no more, great comet-y, etc) experience — and there's a lot to pack in two hours. there were some demos for a possible night circus musical from back in the day though, by webborn & finn, who did clockmaker's daughter (i really like the music for clockmaker too). i'm not sure what else i'd want adapted into a musical — maybe funny face? it's a musical movie, so i feel like that wouldn't be toooooo difficult.

i usually read books pretty quickly! reading a book in one sitting is my preferred way to read a ya contemporary! unless i'm annotating, it's a very long book or actively juggling multiple books at once, i try to read books in one sitting. i just find that more enjoyable for me personally — which is also why i haven't been reading as much this year, i think. i do need to get better about reading books in chunks again. there's also the CAWPILE method for rating books, that i've been meaning to look into more and apply to my own rating systems, but always forget until someone asks me about ratings! i will leave my thoughts on the book until you're done, so we can have a proper discussion and i don't influence you!! and yesssss — the night circus is a perfect october read (and i think the starless sea is a perfect january read). i might join you and do a reread of the night circus (i need to finish my starless sea reread/annotations first though, and i keep pushing that off so we'll see if that happens). i have not read TBOSAS yet, and i'm unsure if i want to do so first, or watch the movie first (i've also never seen the hunger movies after the first one, but my friends want me to watch it so ... eventually!)

and i don't always! i used to be more diligent about reading before bed, even if it's for 30 minutes — just to wind down! at the beginning of the year, i was very good about annotating for 30 minutes a day too, but that doesn't always happen. really just depends on my plans and what i'm up to! i should get back in the swing of listening to audiobooks, at least on my walks — i walk my dog four times a day but i haven't really been audiobooking lately!

did you see the eras tour movie announcement? i just got tickets for friday and sunday!!! hope you're doing well! 🤍

[disheartenedblue]

Blue's Entry 2. First Love.

So a couple months ago I had a falling out with someone I considered dear to me. He was my best friend and I really loved him. I loved him to the point where I developed feelings for him and would have loved to have started a relationship with him. There were times were I felt like we had our moments, Moments when I would think he felt the same way I felt about him. It was really hard to tell how he felt about me all I could say was that we were close friends and I would do anything for him to make him like me. We first met in 8th grade I remember our first exchange of words like it was yesterday. At first, we didn't talk at all he really didn't like being at school at all unless he was just tired of all the drama that would go on in his household. Eventually, we got to talking about whether we put enough mementos in a Soda bottle and will it explode or not. Our friendship grew and grew into something I couldn't even believe. Even tho I had made friends I really couldn't compare them to him. Just his very presence made me light up with Joy and He could never fail to make me smile. He was a very goofy and fun person to be around. We had the same interest in entertainment such as Anime and Gaming but he also trusted me enough to talk about a lot of personal situations that he was going through and I was glad to be there to help him. As our friendship grew so did my feeling for him. If there was ever a day he wasn't at school I would constantly wonder what he was doing. At the time he didn't have a phone so it was hard to get in touch with him unless he was on the game. He had very strict parents who didn't allow him to game on weekends so that made it even more difficult to talk to him outside of school. As our friendship progressed it started to get difficult to repress my feelings. I'll spare the detail about it but I started to see a side of him that me think maybe he's attracted to me. But as it went on he started to show signs of repression towards me. Eventually, he and his friends would get on the topic of their hatred towards gay people. It was a non-stop topic that would go on for months. Sometimes he would avoid the topic completely when it came to those types of conversations but he'd also join in the topic every now and then. But I figured that he was just trying to fit in or he was actually straight and I was just a fool of myself. If I had just asked him if he liked me now I probably could have avoided every awkward moment we had in our friendship. A couple of weeks later into the year he didn't talk to me for 4 days at all. A lot of the time in the mornings we would sit right next to each other depending on the class. But for those 4 days, he didn't sit by me at all. Still to this day, I don't know why he didn't talk to me or tried his best to ignore me. I tried to keep it cool but it made me really depressed. I kept to myself as much as possible and would go home feeling hurt and sick to the pit of my stomach. Kind of like the feeling when you get butterflies in your stomach but with a tad bit of depression rolled up into one. But that Friday I was going to my friend to ask her a question regarding an assignment but he had also got up to ask her something. He let me talk first and when I finished asking my question he said *Don't help him yet ask him what’s be wrong with him these past few days* I looked straight up to see him, her, and her 3 friends she was sitting at the table with looking at me and that when she said asked me the question and I tried to hold a straight face but it made me smile so hard I looked back down and said nothing he then said *bruh are you sure* I said yeah and as I was gonna sir back down he said *come over and sit with the rest of the bros* and that what I ended up doing and we playing multiplayer game on Poki after that before 4th period was over. I didn’t ask why he wasn’t talking to me for the past 4 days. He wasn’t to good with talking about his emotional status so i left that be. Im running out of space to write so I’ll continue this next time.

[supermacaquecool]

Fic meme; 2, 4, 33, 35

2 answered here.

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

Not sure how many.

I'm trying to write two things right now, might come to another two after I'm done.

From the first lot:

A) Ryo and Saki are skipping class, so it's just another of those fics mostly about people talking. I think I mostly wanted to write about why one becomes a truant, since I was an incorregible one during my schooling lol

Ryo actually lets out a small chuckle, but the text looks dry as hell. He wonders if he should send a sticker to convey it actually amused him. Geez, somehow texting is even more awkward than talking face to face sometimes. He wonders if Saki is actually in class and her teacher isn't there yet or if she's playing hooky like him. It'd be nice to talk to someone instead of just doom scrolling all day. He's no master at subtlety, and there doesn't seem to be any way to naturally stretch the conversation, so…

'cani call?'

The checkmark fades and is replaced by the read notification. It's been interesting to see which of his friends have the feature disabled. He wishes it'd be the kind of thing you can bring up in conversation without sounding totally bonkers.

'why? miss me that much?'

B) Since Aoi and Shuuji were the poll winners, I was gonna draw something for them, but then my cat bit my finger really hard lol So instead I'm writing them planning an outing for the group, but they get silly about it. Overachievers™ and all. (But I got almost nothing done for this one 🙈)

Might come back to:

I) Been toying for a while about the idea of exploring how Minoru's and Aoi's ideals might intersect. I wrote the first snippet months ago and finally thought up a scenario for the second snippet. Here's a preview of that second snippet.

Aoi is dead silent, frowning. Her face hovers over his, with that of him laying down and her patching up the cut on his brow. It's not often you get to see someone's nostrils from below. Minoru opens his mouth but decides against it last second. No, a hole joke isn't gonna fly with her. Even him can be considerate sometimes. Still, the seriousness is killing his vibe…

II) Wrote a Miu fic I'm agonizing about. I feel I need to adjust the narration to fit her pov better, so I need to revise it once I feel more comfortable with doing so. It's a girl incommunication fic lol (I also feel that it puts in evidence which was my fav scene from The Haunting of hill house). My friend said Aoi is very annoying in this passage, which pleased me greatly.

Aoi's eyes widened.

"You were listening."

Ugh. Busted. Miu shrinked, burying her jaw in the collar of her hoodie. "Only a little.

Aoi stared at her, sitting upright. "It's wrong to eavesdrop on people, you do know that, don't you?"

"Yeees,"Miu drawled. Well, that was it. She was talking to Miu like a little kid. She wouldn't answer any of her questions. Miu hated grown-ups because of this.

"Have you brushed your teeth?" Aoi asked next, as if to prove her point.

"Yeah," Miu lied by reflex.

Aoi smiled—she smiled a real smile. Miu could tell because her whole face changed.

"I know it's hard for you, so it's great you're making the effort."

Syakomon sighed and her shell closed. Miu wished she could that. Lying to Aoi was the worst; now, Miu felt guilty. Now, she'd actually have to do it, even though it was the grossest thing in the world.

Plus other things. I'm still thinking I'm gonna finish the multi-chapters/series I got there lol I also got another document about moments with Aoi and Saki, I wanted to fuse Simple Dreams to it, but I ended up not figuring out how to tie them together in an over aching theme... So I'll just go back to it and finish the whole scenario and post it separately, prolly. Ah, I keep remembering some other things. Like writing some pseudo horror stuff with Saki and Shuuji's first day in kemonogami world, and Plutomon, ofc (I was thinking writing something loosely inspired by The Telletale Heart...) These will take me way longer to get to because I have never written horror 😂😭

33. How do you feel about crack?

Never done it.

(Not particularly fond of it, but I don't really care enough to think much of it.)

35. Would you ever kill off a canon character?

Not really entertaining such idea atm since I mostly care about small interactions, and, also, the canon already kills charas for me lol But I'm more likely to want to injure the charas or make them go missing than outright killing someone. If I think of a scenario where someone dying would feel interesting, I would do it (I do like symbolic deaths a lot, but again, that's already canon in Survive lol).

[thatalicornstallion]

Kicking off my Delta Host super interviews, I interviewed Goatman! Here is what the mighty goat had to say.

“So, is there anything you’d like to start off with that you’d like the readers to know about yourself?”

Goatman: "Well, I mean, the basics: My name is Runner Shell, I've worked for Delta Host for a few years as the super known as Goatman. I'm an A-ranked damager and I use a gold constructs core."

“How did you get your start with Delta?”

Goatman: "Well when I joined, there was no Delta academy. You sent in an application directly to Delta and they'd reach out if they were interested in pursuing a partnership with you. I did that, and a few months later they called me up and said they wanted to speak with me. A few months after that I was in training. It was actually a friend of mine that prompted me to sign up, she thought I had a sense of responsibility that would make me a good super."

“I see. Did you have your name chosen before you got your core?”

Goatman: "Nope, the identity comes last. First, core. Then you train. Then you get your suit and name."

“I see. Can I ask about the reasons why you chose Goatman as your name?”

Goatman: "Because every time I battle, the first thing I construct is a set of goat horns I can use for ramming."

“I take it that it just came naturally that way, then. Did you pick your core or was it assigned to you?”

Goatman: "We get some say in our cores when we go in, but ultimately the decision's up to Sequence. I had a bit of say. They asked me about my combat style and what kinds of powers I'd like to have, then they gave me a shortlist that I could pick the best options from. Sequence made the final call."

“I see. If you can remember, could you tell me more about the cores you had in mind going in, and the list you picked from? I’m sure the readers will be interested in what possible other forms of Goatman could have existed.”

Goatman: "I honestly don't even remember anymore. It was years ago. I know it was a lot of tanky stuff though. A lot of manipulation and construct abilities."

“How about moving from the basic stuff for a bit. Have you had any fan interactions that stick with you?”

Goatman: "Oh, I mean, for sure. I'm from a pretty small town where nobody really gets *known,* so any time a fan comes up and tells me how special I am to them and how much they look up to me, that feels pretty amazing. I never thought I'd be much of anything beyond the peanut farm I grew up on. People talking about how I inspire them is surreal, even to this day. I'll never get used to it."

“I see. Aside from your horns, what are some of your favorite constructs you’ve made?”

Goatman: "I mean, I stay pretty consistent with my constructs. I go for defence first and foremost. Battering tools are also pretty good to have."

“Your partner Pokemon was Gogoat, was that your decision or was it someone in marketing that picked it for you?”

Goatman: "Pfft, I dunno anything about Pokemon. That was a collaborative effort between the incredible people in our event department and the incredible people at Skeebtendo."

“I take it then the other events would yield a similar response?”

Goatman: "A lot of them probably would, yeah."

“Are there any that you provided input on?”

Goatman: "Off the top of my head? I don't think so. I don't really go into the event department and start acting like I know anything about marketing or design. They do ask me questions sometimes if they're having trouble with my theming or if they want my input for something, but yeah."

“Do you have any moments you’d consider highlights for your career, in battle or otherwise?”

Goatman: "Kind of a tricky question. It gets ingrained pretty hard into us by Sequence to not think of our battles as big conquests or wins to be celebrated, but more like a job that needs to be done. It's the mindset that keeps us from becoming corrupt or doing any of this for the valour, so I don't think you'll find any supers who list a specific battle as some sort of major high point in their career. Cuz I mean, at the end of the day, lives are at stake. People get hurt, property gets destroyed, there's no real happy ending when you need to fight another person. Definitely not my highlights. But in terms of my other work, I think my biggest highlight would probably be seeing the Nova Squad animated series come together. It really felt like the pinnacle of everything I've done. Consulting on that show has been an amazing experience."

“I see. Does it feel strange to see yourself as a cartoon character?”

Goatman: “No, it honestly feels amazing. The animators working with us at Whammy are incredibly talented. Seeing them bring me and my teammates to life is super special.”

“Do you own bits of your own merchandise?”

Goatman: “Hah, not really. It would feel kinda vain to have that stuff around the house. Some of it, if it’s really special, but not really.”

“What do you consider to be really special?”

Goatman: “Well like- I dunno, one-of-a-kind event stuff or special convention stuff.”

“How has being in Delta impacted your life?”

Goatman: “It’s changed everything. Delta *is* my life now. Every day I wake up as a super, I live as a super and I go to sleep as a super. I revolve my entire life around how I can improve myself to be a better super for my team and for the world. Everyone’s eyes are on me. I always keep that in mind.”

Goatman seemed at first to be quite the intimidating person, though I feel that most of it was just the intimidation that one feels when meeting a celebrity. I found that he was quite the humble person, and it was a great experience, and I see why the fans love him so much.

[artisticcircuits]

To Crush or Not to Crush

Around a year ago was about the time when I finally moved on from my last ex. I remember puking in front of the stud from how sick I felt from the final conversation that broke me, and having my friend carry me back to my dorm because I couldn't walk. It was messy and an emotional nightmare and I was so so relieved when it was finally over.

I spent the next few months learning how to be single since it was the first time in 3(?) years I had been truly alone. This also meant there was a TON of partying, and with that came random flings and romantic interests. It felt like at least once a month I was breaking someone's heart and lacked the ability to really feel anything for anyone, until I met her.

From the moment I saw her at the cast party, it was like an instant spark. I thought she was so cute and fun and smart and beautiful. I admired her work ethic and saw a lot of similarities between us. I remember within the first ten minutes of being around her, texting my best friend trying to see if she was single and tipsily talking about how cute she was. I felt something, an actual crush, for the first time in a long time.

The exhilaration and excitement of the feelings lasted for a month or two and only continued to build up. I taught her how to be a stage manager a week after meeting, and we talked so much during our production. I loved hanging out with her at the formal we went to and she even went out of her way to give me a meal swipe a week before finals. I can't really describe how much it felt like we were going to become something.

We ended up talking for most of the summer, every other day or so, but things eventually started slowing down as the semester was approaching, and I realized how much of a strain it was to have a crush, so I forced myself to get rid of my feelings... mostly.

The problem is that sometimes I do still think about her, and I swear every time I do the universe sends me a sign. The other day I was working at the library pulling books for holds when a song came on that reminded me of a her. It was the first time I had thought of her in a while and I just kind of chuckled, but then what do you know, the next book I had to pull was FOR HER. It was Wuthering Heights, which was the exact type of book she would read of course, but I was in shock at the timing.

There have been so many instances of me thinking about her, and then all of the sudden some sign will appear. Whether it be she sends me a message, or we cross paths on the street, or I have to pull a book for her, or someone brings her up while talking, it's like there's this constant stream of coincidences that happen. I'm surprised nothing has popped up even as I write this.

I'm not very spiritual or religious, but it's really moments like that that make me question everything. Is this the universe's way of saying I shouldn't give up? Should I let the feelings come back and try to pursue her? Should I let the crush continue instead of killing it, even if it does cause me emotional strain? These are questions I'll answer soon enough, but for now I just think it's funny how the universe works sometimes.