#sometimes i’ll read something and will not register a goddamn word of it LMAO

[fernandflora]

im gonna be honest y’all, i mainly use tumblr when i first wake up and as i’m falling asleep and thus vaguely delirious. i don’t think i’ve made sense on here once and yk what i think i’ll keep it that way

[drabbles-mc]

Lurking

Happy Lowman x F!Reader

Request by @est1887: I got a random request idea and of course no rush I feel like this would be perfect for my love Happy lol. idk I feel like maybe you’re coming home from a party or something and happy has been trying to get in contact with you and your phone died and you left you car charger at work and what you thought was your blankets on your bed or sofa idc which one is actually Happy sitting in the dark like the killer he is and he scared the life out of you when you hear your blankets talking but it’s actually him but obviously happy isn’t trying to scare the reader it’s perfectly normal to sit in the dark in someone else’s apartment that they don’t know he’s in lololol

Warnings: language, Happy being Happy lmao

Word Count: 896

A/N: A short but sweet Happy fic. I feel like this was a perfect scenario for him lmao. Hope you enjoy it! xo

Join my group-chat here: (X) ​

SOA/Mayans Taglist: @mayans-sauce @thesandbeneathmytoes @paintballkid711 @tomhardydallasstarsgirl @queenbeered @sillygoose6969 @sesamepancakes @yourwonkywriter @chibsytelford @gemini0410 @multiyfandomgirl40 @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @plentyoffandoms @georgiaaintnopeach @twistnet @garbinge @themoonandthewicked @bucky-iss-bae @encounterthepast @rosieposie0624 @mylittlelonelyappreciationtoo @mijop @xladymacbethx @blessedboo @holl2712 @lakamaa12 @masterlistforimagines @kkim120 @toni9 @shadow-of-wonder @adela-topaz-caelon @i-just-read-stuff @unicornucopia-fuckers (If you want to be added onto my taglist just let me know!)

You popped your apartment door open with your hip. You were giggling quietly to yourself as you tucked your keys back into your purse, dropping the whole thing to the floor as soon as you were completely inside.

The apartment was silent, as it should’ve been at 2AM. You hummed to yourself as you made your way to the kitchen to get yourself a bottle of water and a few aspirin for the morning. Despite how dark your apartment was, and how buzzed you were still feeling, you could still navigate your place without having to turn on the lights. You bumped the fridge closed before leaning down to peel the high heels off your feet.

As you stood upright and made your way towards the bedroom, you saw something shift in the shadows on your couch. You froze, trying to focus your eyes on it in the dark. It wouldn’t be the first time that a pile of blankets and pillows threw you off. When you heard the creak of the floorboard under someone’s feet, you let out a scream as you whipped one of your heels in the general direction of the noise. You must have hit your target because you heard someone curse under their breath. That did little to comfort you, though, and you threw your second shoe harder than the first.

“Ow! Fuck, Jesus Christ, stop!” the person finally spoke up.

You’d been winding up to throw your water bottle, too, before you heard the voice. You stopped mid-scream and let your hand drop back down to your side, “H-Happy?” you reached and turned the light on.

Sure enough, there he was, standing there in the middle of your living room. There was a small cut on his forehead, presumably from when the heel of your shoe had caught him just right. His expression was one of disgruntled confusion. He traced his thumb along his forehead and looked at it for a moment before wiping the blood off on his jeans without comment.

He returned his full attention to you, “Where’ve you been?”

You couldn’t hide your confusion at the question, “What?”

He repeated himself, his tone still neutral, “Where’ve you been?”

You shook your head, “You’re not the one who gets to ask questions right now!”

His brows furrowed, “Why not?”

“Because you were lurking in my house like a goddamn intruder!”

“I’m not an intruder—you gave me a key.”

You sighed, looking up at the ceiling for a moment as you tried to muster up what little patience you lad left in the moment, “Why did you have to sit on my couch in the dark? Is there something extra appealing about looking like a burglar?”

He shook his head, “It wasn’t dark out when I got here.”

“When did you get here?!” it was hard to picture him just sitting in your apartment for hours, waiting for you to get home.

“You weren’t answering your phone.”

His response had nothing to do with the question. To be fair, that’s usually how things went between you. It took a while to get to the point sometimes. You tried to keep yourself in check, knowing that he was getting to the answer in his own roundabout way.

“Okay and?” you asked, “My battery died and I didn’t have my charger. How did that end with you sitting on my couch by yourself in the dark at 2 in the morning?”

“You weren’t answering your phone. I thought something happened to you. You weren’t working late so I came here looking for you.”

You pressed your lips into a thin line as you processed what he was saying. You knew that to him, it seemed like a perfectly logical chain of events. The creepiness of him sitting in your apartment in the dark was not something that his brain was able to register, especially if he had shown up nervously looking for you.

“I’m sorry you were so worried,” you pinched the bridge of your nose, “But why didn’t you turn the lights on?”

He shrugged, “I don’t know.”

It was an honest answer, and you couldn’t be mad at him for it. You walked closer to him, inspecting the small cut on his forehead before leaning against his chest, “I know I said you can make yourself at home even when I’m not here, but next time can you do it in a more obvious, less scary way?”

“Will you be better at remembering to charge your phone?”

You laughed as you draped your arms over his shoulders, fingers linking behind his neck, “I’ll work on it,” you paused, “Sorry about your head.”

“It’s fine,” he glanced over at your shoes on the ground, “They’re pretty good self-defense weapons.”

“Anything can be if you throw it hard enough,” you chuckled.

He smiled for a moment as his hands rested on your hips, “That’s my girl.”

A few seconds of silence passed between the two of you before you took a deep breath and rested your head against his chest, “Since you’ve already spent most of the night here, wanna come to bed with me?”

“Sure,” he let you tug him down the hall towards your bedroom, “I’ll make sure no one else gets in here.”

“Yea,” you laughed, “Can’t have more than one creep on my couch per night.”

[yesokaythatsfine69]

Heavy Dosage (Levi Ackerman x reader)

Description: after getting hurt during a scouting mission, y/n is given quite a heavy dosage of medication. Will her secret crush on her squad leader remain secret?

Character(s): Y/n, Hangi, Levi, nurse, eren

Pov: 3rd person

Warning(s): pain, broken bones, kissing, no spoilers

A/n: hello! I took a little break earlier and recently I've been watching two new animes, AOT and Kakegurui (both r completely different lmao) so I decided to add more fuel to the fire that is the Levi Ackerman x reader tag. Don't worry there aren't any spoilers I just wrote a cute thing.

*none of the gifts used are mine. Full credit goes to the maker.

"Shit!" That was the last thing y/n had said before she disappeared from the view of her fellow squad members. Levi watched, fear causing him to freeze. One moment she had been calling him a "old slow poke", her smile dazzling and eyes brighter than diamonds- and in an instant she was gone.

--------------------------------------------------

Pain had seared through y/n's skull when she finally landed from being thrown. The titan had grabbed a line of her odm gear and flung her, snapping the line and causing her to fall straight down and into a tree. Her body had tumbled through the branches, each branch snapping with the weight of her body and the force she had been thrown from.

Y/n was usually proud to say that Titan's couldn't touch her- she was fast, faster than almost any person in her squad- and that usually meant that she was untouchable to them. She was the one who helped the other members of her squad survive. Today, however, had been different and not even her speed had saved her.

The pain in her skull forced her eyes open. The area in which she laid was dead silent, but she didn't feel scared or worried. It was peaceful and almost poetic. She focused on her breathing, and tried to register where she had been hurt. Her head hurt, her back hurt, and her legs seethed, but she could at least feel pain.

She tried to move but only whimpered when the pain in her legs intensified. Her eyes watered. She couldn't get up and what she thought had been luck that she experienced from not dying from her tremendous fall- had suddenly become a curse. Now, she would be easily found by a titan and just as easily eaten.

"you've...got to...be fucking kidding...me." she wheezed between hot tears. Suddenly a zipping noise broke the silence around her and a small thumping sound caused her tense up. "Y/L/N!" Her eyes widened at the sound of her squad leader's voice. Then, Two arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her up. Captain Levi was above her, on his knees before her- not in the ways she had always dreamed about either.

"What did you do, Brat?" His silver orbs narrowed as he searched her face. Any other time being this close to Levi would've been similar to Heaven, but now, it carried a strange and dangerous weight. "Captain Levi, I-" His expression cut her off. His face was blank, eyes were narrowed, mouth drawn up in a thin line. He was angry, she could sense his emotions beyond what he showed with his face. That had been the reason they worked so well together- y/n could read him like a book.

He seemed to notice she had been crying, and wiped away a stray tear. "I-I'm sorry, Captain Levi I-" He said nothing and hoisted her up in his arms, pressing her head against his chest. She could feel his heartbeat- constant and comforting in her ear. For several moments they trampled in the woods in silence.

Finally he spoke. "I'll get you to the wagons and you'll be okay, y/n, try to be still." His voice seemed tired and his movements were oddly weary. Y/n frowned as she looked up at him.

Somehow she felt like he had said these words not for her benefit, but for his own. He hardly ever used her first name, preferring "brat" and "y/l/n" to order her around with. Now, as his grip on her tightened, she buried her face against his chest, deciding it was best to leave her thoughts unsaid.

As she snuggled against him, he relaxed, his shoulders releasing the tension they carried since he saw that bitch titan thrown her out of his sight. Levi had been angry- but not angry at Y/n. Angry at himself for not protecting her, angry at those fucking Titan's for taking away the people he loved from him. He felt y/n adjust slightly and that's when he realized she had fallen alseep. Her breathing evened out, and she seemed limp against him.

When he reached the clearing Petra ran up to him. "Y/n! Is she okay?" Levi said nothing, and Petra watched in worry as he pushed past her.

--------------------------------------------------

Sometimes lines get blurry. The separation between two distinct things gets combined and those two things once so distinctly different are now seemingly the same. Y/n stared straight ahead, boards on the walls combining and shape shifting. They had given her medicine for her pain, that fact was that her leg had been broken, along with a fractured skull and a few other twisted and mangled bones, so anything was deemed worthy to give her.

The medicine, whatever it was could definitely be considered "that good stuff". She giggled, watching as the nurse adjusted her covers. "You're trying to tickle me!" "Y/n?" Y/n's head slowly bobbed to the side, where Hanji was standing. Her arms were crossed, but a smile shown on her face.

"You look better than I was expecting." Y/n smiled widely. "It's the drugs!" Hanji mimicked her smile. Y/n, was for the most part a lively a fun person. She wasn't anywhere near as loud of bouncy as Hanji herself was- mainly because y/n had a better sense of timing. Now however, Hanji noted that her personality seemed to come on quite strongly.

"I just came to check on you, considering what I heard had happened you are very lucky." Y/n only giggled. "lucky-smucky. Luck had nothing to do with it. It's a skill to hit every single goddamn tree branch in the world and still be kicking." To empathize her point she kicked out the leg that wasn't broken.

"woah, maybe you shouldn't move too much." Hanji put her hands up. "It's okay I don't feel anything!" Y/n lifted her hand up and smacked herself right upside the head. "No pain!" Hanji smiled, "Right, I'll be sure to tell Levi how well you are doing."

Y/n shot up at her captains name. "You should tell him to come see me! It's been too long since I've seen that hot piece of ass!" Hanji frowned. "I- um... I don't think that's for the best...you seem pretty uh... preoccupied." Y/n opened her mouth to most likely say something else unexpected when the nurse reappeared, nodding to Hanji.

"I better be leaving y/n, I'm glad you are doing well. I'll see you later, yeah?' y/n nodded excitedly and Hanji let herself out.

She laughed, nodding her head. "Hot piece of ass...Levi Ackerman?" She snorted. Then, quite quickly the pieces for together and she stopped. "Oh no. Oh no. I should...wait a second, this could be quite an interesting experiment..." She smiled and turned in the direction of the lunchroom.

-------------------------------------------------

"She is doing very well. So well infact she told me not to send you, she doesn't want you to worry. She'll be out before long." Hanji spoke gently to Levi who stared at his tea, his face expressionless. "What do you mean she doesn't want me to visit her? I'm her squad leader." Hanji shrugged and smiled.

"She's doing very well. You'd be wasting your time. She'll be back before you know it." Levi's eyes flashed to his friend, narrowing. The rage he had experienced when he had found her broken body...the way her teary y/c/e looked up at him... He could've exploded with rage. but he needed to stay with y/n, and that's what he had done, making sure she was safe...And now he was being told to stay away from her? His fists clenched.

Hanji seemed to see the conflict. "Why don't you try and take of yourself now? You've done enough for her." Levi only stood up, the sound of his chair scraping against the floor caused those in the lunchroom to look up at him. Leaving his tea, Levi, in his own Levi way, stormed out of the room. Hanji sat there, stirring her tea.

She raised it to her lips and smiled.

--------------------------------------------------

Levi's feet practically moved on their own to the infirmary, each step more angry than the last. In angry flashbacks he felt her head pressed against his chest, her warm breathe tickling his neck, her warm orbs searching his own icy pair- he felt all of that and more...and yet she didn't want to see him?

Had those affectionate moments just been something he wished had happened instead that had actually happened. No. It couldn't have been. But the why would she try to shut him out?

He pushed open the door to the infirmary. He stood in the shadowy doorway for several seconds doing what he did best- watching.

Y/n had spent four consecutive hours counting each board- one by one. Every time she got to twenty though, she got distracted and had to start over. "Twenty-one!" "Y/l/n?" Slowly y/n's left hand, which she had used to count the board, lowered to her side. "Damnit! Lost count! At least I got to twenty one this time." Her head slowly turned to the side where her sexy captain stood, peering down at her. He looked absolutely peeved and y/n giggled.

"Well hello beautiful? Long time no see!" Levi's eyes widened the tiniest bit- but he quickly played it off. "You didn't want me here? Your own captain? Unless you forgot-" Y/n purred. "Damn you're sexy when you're mad! I don't have a clue what you're talking about but-" she shrugged. "It wouldn't be the first time!" She reached up and tugged him closer.

"I- y/n-" a finger placed itself over his lips. "Shhhhh..." The finger lifted then hit him again. "Shhhhh...shhhh." y/n stared up at him with a dazed, but delighted expression. She gently stroked his face, reaching up and flicking her hair from his eyes. She smiled at his slightly dazed expression.

"how'sithangingbabey?" Levi blinked out of his daze and grabbed her wrist, pulling her hand back from his mouth. "What is wrong with you?" His eyes were fairly wide and his stared at her in both worry and confusion. "I'm in love baby!" She shouted. "In love with youuuuuu!" She sang out flailing her arm and hitting him in the head.

"tch! Ow! Will you-" He paused, his brow furrowed. "You...love me?" She giggled and pressed a finger to her lips. "Shhh. Don't tell Levi." He stared at her. "I am Levi, you brat." Her eyes widened. "Whoops!" She laughed. "My bad!" Levi opened his mouth to speak when the nurse appeared. She gasped upon seeing him. "Captain Levi! I didn't know you were coming!" Y/n lifted her head up to look at the young nurse.

"hey, layoff! This Raven haired beauty's taken!" She yanked him forward. The action caught him off guard and he had to catch himself before he fell. Levi grumbled before detaching himself from her. "I'll speak to you later, y/n."

"You're leaving!?" Gently he ruffled her hair, and in the most soothing voice he could muster, he said, "I'll be back later, don't worry brat." Levi Nodded to the nurse to walk him out. As the nurse turned to follow him she glanced at y/n who mouthed aggressively "he's mine!"

At the door he turned to the nurse, "y/n was in large amounts of pain, so we gave her some medicine to dull it. It seems to have a worked a little..." The two turned back to y/n who had restarted counting the boards again. "Too well."

"tch, right." The end of lips upturned into almost a smile. "Keep me updated." The nurse nodded, "Right, sir."

Casting one last glance he left the infirmary, humming a new tune softly to himself.

--------------------------------------------------

Y/n sighed happily. She had finally been released, given a brace for her leg to help her walk till she was 100% and around fifteen get well cards. Her first move was definitely to go to her room. She missed her room.

She visited with Petra and the other members of her squad, making sure to show off her cool ass brace. She also made sure to say hi to Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Sasha, Connie, and Jean. She hadn't seen Captain Levi yet but she figured she'd find him soon- or he'd find her. The nurse mentioned that he'd visited a few times, none of which she remembered- but the thought that he cared enough to do so warmed her up.

Y/n entered the lunchroom, coming face to face with her captain and his fellow squad leader, Hanji. "Oh hi Hanji! Hello, Captain!" Hanji immediately jumped up and hugged her tightly. "Y/n! Congratulations!" Y/n smiled brightly, and hugged her back. "Thank you! I'm feeling pretty good!" Her eyes turned to Levi, who had been watching her intently. He nodded. "The squad has been waiting for your return, y/l/n." Y/n smiled. "Well, you guys won't have to wait much longer. The nurse said just a little while longer then I'm ready to go."

Levi nodded, his expression remaining stern. "I am pretty excited to finally get some sleep in my own bed though, so I'll see you all later." She turned, but a hand wrapped itself around her wrist. Levi had stood up, and was behind her. "I'll walk you there." Her eyes widened and her cheeks flushed, but she nodded. "The more...the, uh, merrier."

With curt goodbyes the two began their walk to y/n's room. Hanji had watched the interaction without surprise, sipping some tea.

She laughed to herself as the two went out of view, pushing up her glasses. "This experiment- a definitive success."

-------------------------------------------------

"How do you feel?" Levi matched his pace with y/n, careful to make sure he wasn't moving too fast so that she wouldn't have to walk faster on her leg. "I feel good, itching to go back out there." The two stopped walking and turned so that they were right in front of each other instead of side by side.

Levi only made a clucking sound at her response. "Be sure not to push it, brat. You may be feeling fine now but-" He stopped talking when she put a hand on his chest. He frowned slightly and looked up at her from where his gaze had been.

"Thank you, for everything. I- I'm sorry I wasn't more careful. Next time I'll-" He placed his hand over her own. "Tch, there better not be a next time you stupid brat. If there is I do not I think I could handle it."

Her cheeks darkened. "Captain-" "Just Levi." She smiled at him. "Okay, just Levi." The slight upturn smile Levi had worn vanished at her bad joke into a frown. Lifting up his index finger he placed it directly over her lips.

"shhh..." She tried to speak. "shhhh." Y/n raised a brow at him. "I have lost enough in this life, y/n." Her eyes widened at the use of her first name, and his finger remained on her lips. "But, I cannot lose you, too...please." Her eyes glistened a, a familiar wetness clouding them. Slowly, Levi lowered his finger, and soon as he do so she pounced, pulling him into the tightest hug she could administer.

"You couldn't get get rid of me even if you wanted to." He hugged her back. "Good, because I do not want to." She pulled back. It was now or never, and this maybe the only chance she has left. Braving up, y/n swallowed thickly. "Hey...erm, uh Levi...I-I love you, okay?"

Levi smirked, his eyes twinkling with something close to mischievousness. "I know...you, kind of...told me already." Y/n pulled back. "No I didn't." "Tch, you did, y/n." She rolled her eyes. "I think I would remember telling someone I love them."

Levi frowned. "Are you calling me a liar?" Y/n laughed sharply. "Well, I'm not calling you a truther." She turned and began to walk away. "Even if I did, you could at least say it back you jerk!"

With reflexes faster than a blink of an eye, Levi had pulled her back and into his arms. She stared at him, wide eyed. They were mere inches apart now. Never had she been this close to him, and she could clearly see every inch of his face. The silver twinkle of his eyes, his long lashes, the pretty pink of his thin lips. He was so beautiful, like a statue of a god. Y/n blinked, realizing she had been staring a bit longer than innocent and met his gaze.

Levi only raised a brow, seemingly unaffected by their closeness. "I love you too, brat." He said finally, and Y/n relaxed into his arms, much like before. "Good, good. It makes doing this a lot easier." She placed her hand to his cheek, closed her eyes and then she closed the gap.

He sighed into her, clutching her tighter to him. It seemed as if he had been waiting almost as long as y/n had because it was if the flood gates had opened. She dipped her head to get to more of him and he grunted softly, easily letting her. She reached up, finding his soft undercut. She ran her finger threw his soft locks (just as soft as she imagined) and gently tugged. Levi opened his mouth a bit more in response, and she quickly took advantage of his action. Her tongue slipped in, and despite himself and who he was- he gasped.

Maybe this was all a bit quick but hell, she'd been around the man for going on a year now with nothing but this to show. It was quite upsetting, especially because it seemed as if Levi had no idea his effect on women, especially y/n. You can bet on your life, however, she was going to take advantage of it now and teach him exactly what he meant.

He grunted again and pulled his arm to her neck, clutching it softly. She hummed into his mouth, biting his lip and pulling. She loved him, everything about him, and almost as much as that- she wanted him. Now, in almost every way she could've imagined, she had him.

She was so wrapped up in him, y/n put her unbraced leg around his waist, trying to get somehow even closer than before but unfortunately she neglected to remember that her braced leg couldn't handle that much pressure yet and it collapsed under their weight. It sent both her and her lover crashing to the ground.

"oof!" "Tch! Hell!" Levi landed on top of her with a thud. The two shared a look. Levi had messy unkept hair, flushed cheeks and red, abused lips- all thanks to y/n. But she doubted she looked much better. "Are you okay, brat?" "Yeah, sorry. Looks like you made my legs weak." She smiled crookedly.

Levi only sighed and lifted her up. "Tch', Keeping you alive will be much harder than I expected." Y/n laughed and wrapped her arms around him, she was beginning to enjoy him carrying her around bridal style. "What can I say? I wasn't built for the weak."

"No," He hoisted her closer to his chest. "No, you are not."

They resumed their journey to her room. "But at least you are mine, brat."

--------------------------------------------------

A/n: whoo! That was a lot more than I expected to do. I hope y'all like it and don't forget that comments and critism are always welcomed. I tried to make this to where it doesn't really involve any timeline and it's just kind of an extra thing. Thanks for reading!

--------------------------------------------------

[uweiy]

Thank you for sending it in !

94. "I want you. All of you. And not just half heartedly, wholly. And maybe that's selfish but I don't care."

"Thanks for the tea. I shall see myself out"

Jiang Cheng stands up from the pillow he was, admittedly slouched on.

It's already night time, and raindrops are drumming against the windows of the Hanshi continuously.

"Sect Leader Jiang, you're going to catch a cold if you go out like this."

"Phah. What's a little rainwater compared to drenching oneself in Yunmeng's lakes."

Xichen chuckles and hands him an umbrella. "Even you are not immune to illness, oh so great Sect Leader Jiang."

Jiang Cheng opens it as he steps on the porch. The rain really is pouring. He feels a hand softly settle on his elbow.

"You're leaving tomorrow, If I'm not mistaken ?" the other asks, but Jiang Cheng hears the unspoken question.

"I'll drop by before we leave. My useless nephew is thrilled to spend time with his friends so we'll probably be leaving in the afternoon. Plus," he adds "I have to bring this back to you" he raises his eyes to the umbrella.

"I see. It will be my pleasure." Xichen smiles a little.

He drops his arm and Jiang Cheng turns to face him fully. For a moment, Jiang Cheng debates whether to kiss him good night or not.

He doesn't know if Xichen notices his intention, but the other seems to draw closer, before he retreats swiftly into his chamber. "Good night Sect leader Jiang."

Okay then.

"See you around"

___

Between Sect meetings, Jin ling wanting to spend time with Shizui, Shizui wanting to spend time with Jin Ling, Jiang Cheng finds himself around Xichen a LOT. They talk even more, If you count their numerous written exchanges.

Even now, he's sitting at his father's desk, his family's residence almost empty save for the domestics and he's, like ever so often writing Xichen a letter.

" ....As for the matter you asked me to look into... I have taken care of it.

Once the official business is out of the way, Jiang Cheng answers the more personal questions.

It's rain season here too and it tones out the bustle of the streets a little. It almost feels like it can wash away the atrocities of the past doesn't it ?

But I can still see them. Sometimes I come across marks the Wens have left during their stay here and it makes me want to burn the whole place to the ground and rebuild it anew.

The palace is empty, and yet it feels suffocating.

This was too gloomy an answer to "how are you doing". But he didn't have it in him to lie anymore, to himself, or to Xichen.

I really don't understand what you find so fascinating about me.

"You're fascinating." Xichen had said to him once

At least the food is still better than in your cloud recess. I SWEAR If there is another rule added on that goddamn wall about restricting SPICE I won't visit you with Jin Ling anymore.

That's a lie. For one, Jin Ling does not need him to go to cloud recess but it gives Jiang Cheng a good reason to go. Secondly even if a thousand rules were added he'd still drop by.

He wants to drop by sometime in the coming months by the way.

Jiang Cheng writes, because it's a question Xichen never fails to ask

How's your painting coming along ?

Don't forget to eat or I'll really find someone to watch over you. And since there are no nannies available, you'd have to deal with my brother or that Jingyi kid eight hours a day.

Look at the rain and think of me, as I do of you.

love you

Xichen wrote stuff like that too sometimes. But when it came from Jiang Cheng, he mostly deflected.

Jiang Cheng had once tried writing about how he felt calmer when Xichen was around, if he recalled correctly and it really hadn't been easy for him.

Xichen had simply replied something along the lines of "oh yeah, the weather in cloud recess does wonders for the mind". The weather.

Jiang Cheng doesn't want to be ignored if he asks the questions burning in his mind. "what exactly is it that you want from me ?" "who am I to you ?"

(You know who this is but still, I'll sign)

Jiang Cheng

He writes instead.

Despite that, He wishes there was a way he could recieve the answers to his letters immediately. Xichen's replies are often insightful but... well, they answer to a state of mind he's had days, weeks ago when he receives them.

If they could talk in person, that would be nice, too.

___

The next time he goes to Gusu it's spring. He's accompanying Xichen outside on one of the rare occasions he leaves the Hanshi.

Their brothers' wedding is right around the corner so they get talking about that topic.

"it is customary to end the ceremony with a dance. It looks like this– "

Xichen takes Jiang Chengs's hand in his. He takes one step backwards, and Jiang Cheng follows, led by the gentle pressure of his hand.

He exectues the next steps quite poorly, but Xichen doesn't seem to mind. Then Xichen detaches from him, light as a feather, his arm loosely stretched towards where their fingertips were touching a minute ago.

He executes graceful bows on his own, his blue clothes moving along like air, before he captures Jiang Cheng's hand again and draws him nearer.

Their foreheads are almost touching. Xichen looks directly at him with that clear gaze of his and Jiang Cheng feels completely exposed.

"What about you ?" Jiang Cheng chokes out "You probably have a lot of candidates right under your nose–" he tries

"Sect leader Jiang."Xichen cuts in. He smiles sweetly but it doesn't reach his eyes "I don't think I'd be suitable for anyone. Please excuse me"

It's always like this. Everytime he thinks they might finally, finally do something about the tension between them, Xichen weasels his way out, slipping through Jiang Cheng's fingers like water.

Not this time.

He catches Xichen's wrist as the other already strides away from him.

It's not like he doesn't understand putting his trust in the wrong people, and then protecting whatever is left of your heart by any means possible. Jiang Cheng chose anger, Xichen chose avoidance. But Jiang Cheng isn't "wrong people". Well, he hopes he isn't, this time.

"Okay listen. You want me to stay but push me away when I get too close. I write a sincere letter and you answer about the WEATHER. We only talk about business once in a blue moon and yet you call me Sect Leader Jiang. " He almost shrieks.

He knows he's pushing but he's tired or half saids and empty hopes. He's had enough of these for one liftime.

"I know you look at me when you think I can't see you. You're hurting and you think you have to deal with your pain and...and hopelessness alone but you don't."

Maybe Jiang Cheng should have stopped trying to be more than friends ages ago. Maybe Xichen just enjoys the comforting presence. But then he seems to want more and then again he doesn't and it drives Jiang Cheng crazy.

But he can't be SURE so the only thing he can do is lay his own heart on the table and have Xichen decide what to do with it, once and for all.

"I want you. All of you. And not just half heartedly, wholly. And maybe that's selfish but I can't help it."

He probably should give Xichen another option. Tell him " I understand. We can remain friends, take the time you need to heal your scars." But he doesn't want to. He knows he can shoulder them too, if Xichen lets him.

"If my words aren't clear enough i'll rephrase. I love you. I love you. I lo-"

"Please stop" Xichen catches hold of the folds in Jiang Cheng's clothes.

His voice is hoarse, barely a whisper and he sounds so broken. "I don't deserve it."

"Tell me you don't feel the same and I'll stop bothering you."

Xichen just stares at him.

"Say it !"

" I can't ! " He's still clutching Jiang Cheng desperately. His head thuds against Jiang Cheng's chest, and he starts sobbing, his shoulders shaking uncontrollably.

Jiang Cheng lets him, holding him there.

When Xichen finally calms down he answers without looking up "I can't say it because it's not true. I am just, terribly, terribly afraid. My apologies."

Relief floods over Jiang Cheng. He forgets to breathe.

"I'm not going to hurt you. I promise"

___

Not much changes afterwards. Neither of them magically get better. Jiang Cheng still has his own thoughts sect to manage, they still write each other letters and he still visits Lan Xichen in seclusion. Some days are better than others though, and they help each other through the bad ones.

"Thanks for the tea" Jiang Cheng says. It's one of their rituals when he visits the Hanshi now.

Xichen–sprawled against him reading a book–doesn't budge.

"Move. I have to go" he nudges Xichen with his shoulder, since he can't use his arms too busy holding them both upright.

"You're mean Sect leader Jiang."

Jiang Cheng shoves him off this time.

"Fine Fine." Xichen lets himself roll on the floor before he gets up and helps Jiang Cheng to his feet. Jiang Cheng still can't feel his arms.

He steps out on the porch. It's a clear night and the crescent of the moon shines among the stars. He turns his head to bid Xichen good night.

He barely has time to register what's happening when two hands grab him by the collar and suddenly Xichen kisses him. Xichen kisses him and it's everything and more than Jiang Cheng has ever dared to dream of.

"Good night Wanyin" Xichen smiles when they part, a bit breathless.

"See you around" Jiang Cheng smiles too.

They'll be alright.

A.N : maybe you were expecting fluff but ... Oh well lmao

It was Soo hard to write ?? Like I had the core down pretty Soon but I kept changing stuff.

I wanted to make it clear that Xichen kinda wanted that too, and not just a friend but ugh it wasn't easy

[empty-dream]

Suddenly long post about why I love re-watching

One of the most mundanely magical thing ever for me is revisit works I’ve enjoyed in the past. Be it re-watching, re-reading, or re-listening. But I’ll talk more about manga and anime here, bringing up Kara no Kyoukai, Umineko and One Piece.

I literally grew up from toddler with manga and comic books. Had a library of full Naruto, Inuyasha, Detective Conan, and even some copies of obscure old Chinese-originated comic. Watched Cardcaptor Sakura on TV and cried when I couldn’t. I thank my dad for all of these.

Therefore, since I was a kid, I secretly watched animes that I probably should not watch at that age. Something like, uh, When They Cry series and Kara no Kyoukai. I was probably driven to be ‘cool’ for doing that. I don’t think I was wrong, but then again during that age, I missed a lot of things simply because I wasn’t old enough to understand. I mean, dude I watched Apocalypse Now when I was like 9 did I understand anything? Sure as hell not except that it was bloody.

For example, I knew for 8 years that Caren Hortensia wears a blouse and stockings with no skirt or pants. Only recently it hit me that goddamn that is naughty as fuck?

On more serious note, I used to think Murder Speculation 1 was the most boring movie in KnK. I mean, sure Oblivion Recorder wasn’t much about anything but it’s got magic explosions. Years later I re-watched the series, and discovered how excellent of a mystery Murder Speculation 1 is. The way the tension builds up, how actually fucked-up the murder cases are, the clues show up more and more, Shiki becomes even more suspicious, and it all leads into… well you know the truth. All of that is incredible I was actually on the edge during my re-watch. And it put my understanding of Mikiya and Shiki’s relationship into a whole new light. Like, I do think so highly of their relationship since the first time I watched KnK but hell now that I understand the whole deal in Murder Speculation 1, goddamn they did go through a lot. It’d take a new post just to explain why lmao.

I won’t talk much about 5th movie because lots of people have written about it. I knew it was amazing from 1st watch, but just how and why amazing it is, I only got it during re-watch. Aside from the back-and-forth timeline and how everything is tied together in the end, what hits me the most is Enjou’s story. I only understood how fucked up and unfair it was for him when I rewatched, to the point I cried right when he said “My family didn’t deserve any of that!"

This probably had to do with the fact that I don’t play it (and the anime is trash), but I miss a lot in Umineko. By the time the manga comes out, I don’t have so much time to read it from page 1. But after reading it for a couple pages from each chapters, man this story is so META. It hits me in the gut with the line of ‘The enjoyment comes from sorting and thinking to reach the truth, not demanding it.’ Like, damn that’s me when reading anything. And also u know how people, including me sometimes, always go for the result and don’t care about the process? Yeah, that too. And best one is when diary concerning Rokkenjima truth is closed for public and the public goes wild and Hachijo just sneers at them, saying they have no right to expose incidents and throw the rumors of the dead for the sake of themselves. Way to go, jabbing at reality.

Side note, thank God I read Higanbana in an appropriate age.

And then One Piece. I don’t think it’s weird for a child to read it, but a lot of the underlying theme are lost for kids. I read up to Enies Lobby arc, then I stopped because I didn’t have the physical copies and actually wasn’t very invested into it as much I was into Naruto. Even when I finally got my hand into online manga sites, I didn’t pick up where I left except for the time Ace dies. Yeah you can guess I got traumatized because I love Ace and I didn’t pick it up again. Only recently I read it again, starting both from Pirate Alliance arc (because, ahem, Law), and from chapter 1.

And man, do I miss really a fuckton lot. I knew Nami’s and Robin's childhood were incredibly screwed up but how everything fucked them up and the true extent of emotional and physical damage done didn’t register to me. The theme of slavery, oppression, and genocide weren’t fully understood by me. Back then, I only knew ‘hey, it’s real bad you shouldn't hurt or kill people.'

Similarly, I thought the Strawhats were brave to fight against Arlong and World Government for each of them. But I didn’t realize what’s the consequences and what’s at stake here, and when I do, I lost any words for the Strawhats. Now that I read it again and keeps up with the new chapters, it just continues to baffle me how one person can be responsible for an utter destruction of a country, or how an entire body of organization could be so manipulative and hiding lots of the truth.

TL,DR: I love re-watching. So many things were lost to me as a kid and I’m glad by picking up again, I learn a lot about them. For what it is worth, I do grow up even if a bit.