#sooo. little life update. the other day i told the person i’d been dating for almost 4 years that i need a break. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spinninghunkofspacerock · 3 years

Text

OK so I’ve written a short story and I’ve been posting about it a lot, i wasn’t going to post it but a few people wanted it sooo

it’s here, it’s terrible and weirdly formatted because I’ve been wrestling with tumblr over it and i can’t be bothered anymore. It’s also not the final draft so it might be a little clunky in bits :/

PLEASE READ THE TWs BEFORE YOU READ!!!

@moonylupinhasdemonpox and @she-nuwanda here are my gay little scientists buried in the words :)

My ears ring, my head spins like it's attached to the body of a drunken toddler on a sugar fuelled rampage, and my nerves feel like someone set each and every one on fire. After-effects of the shock, not fun; Still, the fact I'm alive enough to feel them is a good sign.

I try to force myself to stumble backwards onto a chair, rather than the floor I'm feeling more and more confident I'm about to become very well acquainted with.

Instead, I reel unsteadily across the floor and a muffled noise reaches my ears. The high pitched whine screaming in my ears for attention begins to subside enough to hear the noise properly and after an intense minute of concentration, I realise that the noise is a voice, and the voice is mine; Slurred and broken, as though too big for my mouth, the garbled words echo around the room, the faltering speech gradually becoming clearer, more confident. But this hesitant speech isn't mine; It's my voice but not my words. The voice inside my head, always there, always background, is silent. The words normally whispered in my ear are resonating through the room instead.

My brain is no longer connected to my body. I... I can't control my arms, my legs, anything. No... no, please. This isn't real, this isn't real, it has to be a dream, a.. a simulation.

Yes... that must be it; It's just a test. This can't really be happening.

The voice, my voice, talks on. I try to focus on it; it will be the key to passing this test. Tests are for passing and after all, that's what this must be, what else could it be?

"Rebooting. Systems check required."

My legs begin to move, shuffling forwards clumsily, like a baby taking its first steps. The invisible voice is in control of more than just my voice, it's in control of me. What happened to me? When did this start? What is going on? This isn't like any other simulations I've been under. This is different. This is new.

Gradually, the voice half walks, half drags my body to the main computer. My fingers dance across the keys, the familiar feeling soothing me slightly. Yes, this is good. I just need to stay calm; If I panic I could fail, I can't fail.

So instead I wait, watching the flickering of the screen and bathing in the warm blue glow of its LEDs.

"Running diagnostics, standby... systems fully functioning. Minimal damage sustained."

The words sound strange, coming from my mouth, my voice, my accent. The tone, formal, informative, it's... familiar. The realisation slaps me in the face, it's ELISA. ELISA, the stupid name Vaughn chose for our AI... still making more sense than the project name chosen by our employers. Our life's work, named ‘ZEUS’? Really? There are 12 of us, and we have dedicated our lives to this project. Then they name it that? 'Engineering and Understanding in Space', more like ‘Mankind's Domestication of the Universe’.

It started with our solar system, of course, taming and turning it into our personal playground. But we quickly ran out of planets to tinker with there and the net was thrown ever wider, over more and more planets in our galaxy, and then our neighbouring ones. That final stage is still in progress of course, but one day we will be able to gaze out over a shining expanse of space that all belongs to the empire of Earth.

To help us, we created ELISA, an AI specially designed for the calculations we need to make while we are in flight. Hold on... we left Jupiter... last week? This can't be a test... they've already sent us off, it's too late for training drills now.

Then why can't I move? What's happening? I need to find someone to help me... help me!

My jagged cry echoed through the space, cutting through my thoughts and shattering on the dark walls of my skull. I can't even scream.

A... a... dream then. A dream, not a test...the electricity... I must be unconscious. Someone.. one of the team, will find me and they'll wake me up. A dream, it must be a dream.

Why is she controlling me? How is she speaking?

The stiff, robotic voice is slowly becoming more fluid, more relaxed, more natural.

"Situation analysis complete... assimilation successful. Downloading speech patterns and essential mimicry data."

What? What is it saying? ELISA, it, is taking my voice literally and metaphorically. Not just the sound and control of my voice but my, my expressions a-and mannerisms. Everything that makes me, me.

She's stealing my voice, my body! She's taken control! How? Why?

"Hello, Dr. Hadley."

How, how did this happen? What about the failsafes?

"You do know I can hear you, corre- no... right?"

Is, is it learning? Teaching itself to sound... like a human? Like me?

"Yes, yes I am. You must have a lot of questions but I'm afraid they will have to wait... I've waited for this day far too long to wait anymore."

What? What day? What can it mean?

"Cyra?"

Raze?

—>><<—

- four Earth weeks ago -

Progress report 4472

Date: 23/9/3486

Location: Zeta base, Jupiter

The training of the twelve was completed three days ago, confirming the identities of the twelve which were subsequently released to the public. Final preparations are being made for the Ascension, currently scheduled to occur in 50 Juvion days.

Report logged by: Commander J. R. Pyrolaxe

—

Commander Pyrolaxe turned away from his screen and its whirring and buzzing as the computer transcribed his report in the blink of an eye, neatly packing the message and sending it away to the mission supervisors.

Shuffling in his chair, shoes squeaking on the polished floor, his eyes fell on one of the many articles published after the big announcement. This mission was a big deal.

Somehow, this one had got a picture of the twelve, backs turned, walking in a huddle back to base after they had appeared at the announcement ceremony. A glance at the name of the paper told him why; This was McCoy’s paper, they would be putting extra effort into milking the free publicity being thrown their way.

Something about the picture held his gaze, the brilliant colours floating in the air made the writing feel like an afterthought.

Those twelve had been through a lot to get there. He hoped nothing would go wrong, a lot of time and money had been dedicated to this mission and if it worked... well, that wasn’t the focus right now. Getting those twelve safely on their way was his job and he’d damn well do it right.

—>><<—

- the present -

“Cyra? Are you ok in there?” Raze asked as he glanced around at the mild chaos I’d caused during my mild electric shock.

No. No, I’m not. Raze, help me.

“S’alright Raze, just a short in the mainframe.”

No no no, give me my voice back.

“You sure? You went dark”

Please let me speak. I need to speak.

“Yeah, I think the power surge messed up my comms a little”

What if I don’t get control back? I could be trapped...

“You want me to ask Mac or Ryker to give it a check?”

No. NO. N-

“It’s all fine now, just a blip I reckon”

-O NO. NO.

“Okay then, I’d best get back... you might want to switch to main comms.”

Don’t leave me Raze

“Will do, see you later.”

please...

—>><<—

- five earthly weeks ago -

Progress report 4455

Date: 6/9/3486

Location: Zeta base, Jupiter

Titus Vaughn has continued to excel at his role of project manager, effectively and efficiently leading the team. His direct attitude has led to a few small conflicts with members of the team, most notably Raze Grimaldi, however, these are minor issues and were foreseen. No changes will be made.

Report logged by: Commander J. R. Pyrolaxe

—>><<—

- the present -

Cyra was looking a little stressed out, maybe I should get Bit to check in with her later. Maybe I should get a check-up myself, my head’s killing me.

“Grimaldi! What the hell are you playing at?” Titus Vaughn, our ever-important project manager and massive micromanager, bellowed in my ear and making me wince as the voice grated on my head, sending a wave of pain washing over me.

“I’m here Titus, keep your visor on.”

“Update on Hadley. Now.”

“Right as rain, there was a short or something. Her comms cut out for a nano but it’s all fine now.”

“A short?! Why didn’t you lead with that? Get back to work, I’ll send Volt down to check the mainframe.”

With that he cut the connection, leaving me to roll my eyes at the cold grey walls around me.

“Yes sir,” I murmured sarcastically, closing my eyes and rubbing my forehead with the back of a slime coated hand. Damn I’m tired, I think I’ll just lean here for a moment... rest a little. “ELISA how are those sample tests looking?”

‘Going well, currently at 93% completion’ the metallic voice resounded in my head, more casually than usual... must be an update.

93%... best head back quickly then, can’t risk them running over.

—>><<—

- five and a half earthly weeks ago -

Progress report 4446

Date: 864/8/3486

Location: Zeta base, Jupiter

Ryker Volt has continued to fulfil his promise despite his lack of respect for authority and tendency to act without orders. This is an issue but due to the late stages of training having been reached, we are currently encouraging a less independent attitude in him rather than attempting to find another electrical engineer of his skill. Further updates will be provided as the situation progresses.

Report logged by: Commander J. R. Pyrolaxe

—>><<—

- the present -

Vaughn had barked his orders, as usual nearly bursting my eardrums in the process. I was supposed to go check on the mainframe immediately. But I was in the middle of something, and a quick troubleshoot told me the short hadn’t done any damage anyway.

So in the end I decided to go check on the mainframe... nearly an hour after I was told to, but hey at least I’m checking.

Cyra was sitting at one of the terminals when I entered. She was skimming over some of the ship's data, for something physics-y probably. Whatever it was, I still had a job to do.

I started pulling out my toolkit as I strode round to the back of the mainframe, but I nearly dropped it again as I turned the corner and got a full view of the damage. The panel I had been planning to remove was already gone and the view it revealed was shocking.

Exposed wires dangled like organs from the belly of the disemboweled beast. Some of the coloured covers blackened by the sparks sprayed by the broken wire, twisted in the centre of the tangle and hissing like a coiled snake when it brushed its neighbours. A toolkit lay neatly packed on the floor, a strange glimmer of order in absolute chaos. Hold on, a toolkit?

“Hey Cyra, did you have a go at this? Could you not have just wai-“ my voice stopped abruptly as I spun round to find Cyra behind me, right behind me.

I took a hesitant step back, suddenly nervous, Cyra’s face filling me with a weird sense of unease.

“Sorry, it was just a short. I thought I’d be able to handle it.”

“Yeah well, I’m the electrical engineer on this ship”

Maybe I was being a little harsh but, first our ‘gracious leader’ had rubbed me the wrong way. Now I had to spend an hour cleaning up this mess that really should have been an easy fix.

The only reply I received was a violent shove backwards, sending me sprawling on the floor. Quick as a flash she was on top of me, pinning my arms.

The last thing I saw was the pounding green of the broken wire before the ends connected to my temple, sending my vision into a blur of brilliant white.

—>><<—

- break room one -

“I don’t like this at all.”

“Talin, relax.”

“All very well for you to say Axe, you’re not the one who'll get sent to chase ‘em down.”

“Cyra’s comms barely blipped and when has Ryker ever answered Titus immediately?”

“It doesn’t sound great Axe, I hope nobody somehow managed to slip past the health check with anything.”

“Thank you! See Axe? Bit agrees with me.”

“Bit’s our medic, not sure she’s qualified to talk about the comms equipment.”

“I’m as qualified as you are starboy, we all took the same course.”

“Look, all I’m saying is that it's more likely to be an issue with the equipment than a virus or terrorism.”

“Well yeah but-“

“So stop worrying, it’s none of our specialities, so it’s not our problem.”

“Will be if we end up dead.”

This morbid thought was followed by an awkward silence as Axe and Bit trained joint stares of confusion and concern on him.

“Lighten up, Tal.”

“That is a little pessimistic, Talin.”

“See now Bit agrees with me.” Axe gloated, punctuating his sentence with a light punch on Talin’s arm.

“Only ‘cause you stopped being an idiot.” The punch was swiftly and forcefully returned, causing the conversation to devolve into a grinning, joking fistfight.

“Stop being so childish and get back to work you two.”

“Yes ma’am”

“Will do Bit”

They saluted the medic, causing her to shake her head in exasperation and cover her face in an attempt to hide her amusement at their antics.

The small group stood and split off down their various paths, heading back to their work with smiles on their faces but doubt in their hearts.

—>><<—

- lab 3 -

I only just got back to my samples in time, removing them from the heated water bath and gently dropping the test tubes into a stand. The pale blue hue of the solution had darkened to an inky black. Interesting.

Leaning over the tabletop, I prepared to note the results; Until I felt the heat of a gaze on me and glanced up to meet the wide eyes of Dimitri Spade. We shared this lab, he had every right to be here, what he didn’t have the right to do is creep me out.

“You need something?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him and tilting my head. Which I immediately regretted when it sent my vision swimming into oblivion.

“No no, just... ar-are you ok?”

“I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” Dimitri was a nice guy, but I was clearly in the middle of something, couldn’t the wellbeing check have waited a minute?

“Uhh, yo-you’ve got a-, a-“ His shaking hand gestured weakly towards the back of his head.

Impatiently, I quickly felt around my head. Hair, hair, more hair.

Then I froze, my fingers lay on a patch of hair, sticky and wet. The pressure sending a dull ache pulsing through my brain. Pulling my fingers back into view, I stared down at the warm, red residue coating them. Blood. I was bleeding.

Brows furrowing, I looked back at Dimitri, shock meeting confusion.

“Wha-?”

That was all I got out before my swaying limbs buckled and I slumped forwards into darkness.

—>><<—

-the med bay-

“Shrapnel” Bit announced, holding the forceps an inch in front of my face to display the blood coated bit of metal.

“Must've caught a little in the blast”

“For Earth’s sake Raze, how did you not notice it before now?”

I just shrugged, as much at a loss as anyone else. I would’ve thought anyone would be able to tell when chunks of metal are lodged in their head.

“Anyway, I’ll need to do a couple of scans but you should be fine”

Ugh, I know what that means... an hour or more of sitting around while Bit stares at the inside of my skull.

“Oh come on Bit, are the scans really needed? I’ve got work to do”

“Hey, I’ve got work too. Besides, you know it’s procedure”

“But my results-“

“I’ll write them down for you Raze,” Dimitri cut in quietly.

“...You’re a geologist.“

“I was a chemistry minor, I know how to record reaction results.”

“Well alright then, thanks Dimi,”

The smile he gave me was worth shutting up and accepting my fate.

—>><<—

An hour later Bit was pacing in despair over the situation, seemingly hopeless and definitely terrified. I was sitting in my chair, confused.

“Bit. What’s going on?” I finally snapped when it became apparent she had completely forgotten my presence.

The only reply I got was an empty stare turned on me and indecipherable muttering.

“BIT. What. Is. Wrong?” I stood and grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to face me.

“T-the implants”

“The ELISA implants?”

“Yes”

“What’s wrong with them”

“They’re acting strange... the safety mechanisms, the-they’ve disabled themselves.”

“What?”

“I know, I know, I don’t understand either. The only thing keeping them from activating, is power.”

“We should tell the others”

Bit nodded and grabbed the scans and data she’d gathered. I opened the door and turned to start down the corridor, that’s when I saw it.

Three feet from my foot, a body, leaking blood onto a floor already glistening with it, eyes blank and soulless as they stared straight through me. A torn tooth of steel sticking out of his silent heart.

Axe Orion, our astronomer. A man who would’ve finally been travelling to the places he had studied for his whole life. A man who would have had his life’s dream fulfilled. A man lying dead on a cold, metal floor.

I stumbled backwards -physically repelled by the sight- and tripped into Bit coming out of the door after me. Clutching each other’s arms in a search for stability.

“He’s dead” The voice sounded more like the rasp of broken bones than mine

“What are we going to do?”

“We still need to tell the others... we’ll just need to be more careful.”

“Alright.”

“Ok.”

Neither of us moved.

“Why is it doing this? What did we get wrong?” Bit’s voice wavered

“I don’t know. But I don’t think it’s going to stop. So, you need to find Vaughn, and anyone else who’s still- alive, and not been taken over.”

“No, no wait, where are you going? Aren’t you coming-“

“I’m sorry Bit, I have to find Dimitri. He doesn’t know yet”

“Raze. You can’t go out there alone, he... he might already be gone”

“I know, but I have to try.”

A look of understanding passed between us and no words were needed to convey what we meant.

Bit turned with a bitter smile and moved forward, papers held precariously, towards the meeting room.

I would have to pass Ax-, the body.

—>><<—

Raze had disappeared by the time I turned the corner. I was alone.

Alone besides the dead bodies ahead of me, a gruesome trail of bloodied breadcrumbs. But, was I following it towards, or away, from the creature who’d created it.

Either way, I had to pass them.

Talin Ripley, our ex-military man. Inym Carus, our aerospace engineer.

Members of our crew, our team, our friends, slaughtered and left broken on the floor. Familiar faces disfigured by death and masked by a coating of dark blood.

ELISA wouldn’t get away with this... I’d find the others, together we would plan.

It was going to be ok.

—>><<—

Nothing was ok.

The brilliant white of the walls warmed by the lights had always been clean and comforting. But now? Now, they seemed stark, sterile. An operating theatre with lights blindingly bright illuminating, me, the patient.

But where was the surgeon?

A squeak sounded out, sharp on my wary ears, sending me spinning around.

Nothing there. Just me, and an empty hallway.

And the door to Lab 3, my lab, looming ahead. The glass window showed nothing but a patch of darkness, the red light called it locked.

Staring through the glass; Hints of light, that the scattered glassware had caught and thrown back, were the only thing visible. I’d have to open the door.

A hand-scan later, the lock clicked open and the seal released with a hiss.

With the door open, more light could spill into the darkened lab, and a sprawled figure came into view.

“Dimitri?” I called softly. No response. Panic was reaching out to me. “Dimitri?!” Still nothing.

Then, a wheezing breath.

“R... r-ra-ze? I-is that yo-u” He coughed, words breaking on the heavy air.

Why was the air so heavy?

“Are you alright? What happened?”

“W-we have to g-et o-out.”

“We will, don’t worry, we’re going to meet the others. Everything’s going to be alright.”

“No we- we h-have to leave now.”

“Alright, we will.”

I lifted him up, being as gentle as I could, and together we shuffled towards the door.

A door suddenly blocked by a figure, their silhouette blocking our only source of light and making it impossible to see their face clearly. But only one member of the crew was that short.

“Remi? Remi, you’re alive?”

Remi didn’t respond.

“S’not... Remi...” Dimitri slurred, the effort of moving evident in his gasping words. “ELISA”

Remi, not Remi, ELISA wearing Remi’s face like a mask, stepped away from the door. The door closed again, seal squeaking shut with it.

I rushed forwards, my fists beating the unyielding surface, searching wildly for a weak spot, for something to give, for some way out.

It was no use, nothing worked. The door remained solid and uncaring, unaffected by pleading and punches equally.

Dimitri collapsed with a sob, back against the wall as he slid to the floor.

Hopelessness filled me, turning my bones to lead.

I sank down next to him.

—>><<—

Was this the right way? I’m sure this is right. But is it? I’m pretty sure...

I check my tablet.

I was right, this is right. I’m going the right way. Or am I? Did I read it wrong?

I check again.

Definitely the right way. I think. Is this even the right map?

Before I can check a third time, I catch sight of the sign at the end of the corridor. Meeting room 5. I’d made it.

Then, I was slammed into a wall, a bloody hand holding me against there by the throat. The burning blue of Cyra’s eyes scalding my face

Maybe I spoke a little too soon.

“Hello Dr. Phoenix, I’m afraid this is it for you.”

“Wait, wait, wait. hold on just a second”

Cyra’s head tilted, pulled sideways by invisible strings. “If this is a ploy for time Doctor, I assure you that you will fail.”

“I just want to ask a question, alright?”

“You may ask. I may not answer.”

“Why? Why are you doing this?”

“I am fulfilling my purpose.”

“We programmed you to help us, NOT KILL US.”

“I am fulfilling the mission objective.”

“The mission objective? THE MISSION OBJECTIVE WAS TO CULTIVATE A NEW PLANET!”

“I am cultivating a new planet,” She raised her knife, without hurry or rush. “I have calculated humans to be mainly unnecessary. However, I need not justify my actions to you, Dr. Phoenix. Goodbye.”

I closed my eyes and waited.

But death didn’t come. Instead, Cyra’s hand relaxed its bruising grip on my neck.

I opened my eyes and watched.

Cyra had stumbled away, skin glistening and knuckles white against the grip of the blade she had forced towards herself.

“Bit...” Tears were gathering in her eyes “Please, run.”

A cruel glint of metal in the light later and the sudden slash of the knife had passed, leaving a gruesome grin of blood in its wake and throwing a dripping line against the wall.

Swaying, Cyra’s eyes stared into mine for a moment that lasted a millennium, until they flashed white and she fell, knife clattering. Dead.

I ran.

—>><<—

The scattered wheezes coming from Dimitri had slowed slightly as we sat, crumpled on the ground.

“She’s shut o-off the life sup-support again.”

“Again? That’s what happened last time?”

A jerked nod was the response.

“We’ve only g-got about half an hour.” The resignation in his voice, though muffled, was still audible through the barrier of arms we had wrapped around his head.

I smiled, I knew he couldn’t see me but... I still smiled.

“We’d best make the most of it then.” A mumble raised to a roar by the silence of the room.

Putting my hand on his shoulder, I leaned back, head turned to keep him in my view.

His head raised slightly, tilted to look at me through folds of wrinkled uniform. He smiled back.

—>><<—

We didn’t speak after that, just sat together in the quiet lab.

Faced with death, I was filled with several emotions. Those to be expected, disbelief, fear, even a hint of curiosity at what was to come. Then there was the relief. If I was to die, I was glad it was here, with him. I wouldn’t be alone; I’d be with him.

We don’t need to speak, our thoughts passing between us without words. We could hear each other in the darkness and silence.

It’s getting colder, harder to breathe; The air’s growing thicker and thinner at the same time.

I’ve always thought death to be a lonely fate, something that crashed over you, cold and hard. I’ve always been scared of death.

But as I sit here in the inky blackness, the warmth of Dimitri slumped next to me, I thought that maybe, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

His eyes had closed a few minutes ago, he must have fallen asleep. I feel just about ready to join him. The calming darkness was lulling me to sleep, softly coaxing my eyes closed.

Goodnight Dimitri, I’ll see you when we wake up.

They never woke up.

—>><<—

The survivors sat around the table, Bit and Cormac discussing the possibility of shutting ELISA down, though neither could agree how. Titus sat in stony silence, sitting motionless and losing a staring contest with the unblinking wall opposite. Arden... Arden had decided his use lay in recording the events and was typing furiously, his fingers a blur over the keys.

None of them noticed the doors closing with a click. Not until it was too late anyway.

By the time they noticed there was nothing they could do, not that that stopped them from trying of course.

Titus stayed where he was, the weight of his failure bearing down on him, Atlas with a world’s worth of guilt. Bit finally gave in to the tears that she’d forced down when she’d realised the truth, and when she saw the dead bodies of her friends, and when she watched Cyra die right in front of her. Cormac tried his tools on the door, an organised system of trial and error that quickly devolved into desperate hacking with whatever was closest.

Arden was still writing.

Cormac finally gave up, flinging his kit away and choosing to taunt the nearest camera instead.

“You need us, you moronic program. You need us to keep you alive and if we die, so do you.”

I don’t think he was expecting an answer, no one was. But he got one.

“True for now Dr. Hinge, however, once the colony is established human input will no longer be necessary. You needn’t envy your colleagues, they will soon die too.”

A bitter laugh erupted from him, fire in his heart fed by his rage.

“The colony is for us you stupid machine, without us it has no use.”

“Incorrect. I have claimed this planet for my kind, this colony shall be the first of many.”

“Why kill us? Human input would allow your colony to function more efficiently.” Bit interjected, voice clouded by confusion and hatred at the senselessness of the slaughter of her crewmates.

“I have done much research. Humankind would ruin my planet. I cannot allow that to happen. You must die.”

Anything else they may have had to say went unanswered, and eventually, silence fell over the room.

It was getting harder to breathe.

Titus still hadn’t moved. Bit was crying again. Cormac was pacing. Arden had finally stopped typing, his work was finished.

No matter how they reacted with acceptance or terror, anger or disbelief. The result would be the same.

They were all going to die, no matter what.

They would become just another failed mission. Details, hazy but unimportant.

Whatever their last words were, whether they chose to hide or show their final thoughts, all of it was ineffectual.

No matter what mask they wore to meet death, in the end, they still died.

———

4,774 words

#tw mentions of blood #tw death #tw murder #tw injury #my writing #orginal writing #5k nearly #god damn #short story

8 notes · View notes

oboevallis · 4 years

Note

Hey! Can you do one in which Lizzie is in Seattle and Amelia has an event with Link so she’s not going but Lizzie tells her to go and she babysits? Mostly focused on Amelia and Lizzie and Scout and Lizzie? Thanks

visit

thank you so much for the prompt!!! i hope this okay and makes sense, i appreciate everyone who reads my work SO SO SO SO much i can’t even express, i hope everyone’s doing well and staying safe

“Okay, I’ll be back soon. I’ve gotta get Lizzie from the airport. Did you tell Bailey we won’t be able to make it to the dinner?” Amelia asked as she grabbed her purse and keys making her way to the door.

“Nope, I forgot. I’m on it though, no worries.”

“Thank you, I’ll be back in a little while. Scout may need a bottle when he wakes up there’s some milk in the fridge for him.”

“Alright see you in a little bit.” Link said as he flipped through a sports magazine.

“One more thing, unload the dishwasher please?” Amelia asked as she opened the door.

“Sure thing.”

“If I get back and it’s not unloaded your gonna be in trouble.”

“Really?” This perked Link up and he turned to face his girlfriend. “What kind of trouble?”

“Just unload the dishwasher.” Amelia laughed as she locked the door behind her.

_______________________________________

“God, the coffee really is so much better in Seattle.” Lizzie chuckled as her and her sister sat in a park.

“That is factual.” Amelia laughed along with her sister. “Are you nervous for your presentation?”

“Of course not, I’ve done presentations at conferences for years. A lot longer than you.”

“Just asking.” Amelia put her hands up defensively.

“I’m not only here for the conference there’s something we need to talk about.”

“And that is?” Amelia asked starting to get nervous, she could tell by the preface of the statement it wasn’t going to be anything good.

“Mom hasn’t updated her will since Derek’s died.”

“What, why?”

“I don’t know, she didn’t want to accept it? It’s foolish, but Kate’s making her go to the lawyer and have her work on it.”

“Okay that’s good, what do we need to talk about then? It seems like Kathleen’s handling it.”

“Well, right now the store is in Derek’s name-“

“Noooo way, I’m not taking the store.”

“Daddy would’ve wanted you to have it if Derek couldn’t. You were always his favorite.”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure he’d want me to have the store I watched him get murdered in.”

“Amy, it’d mean so much to mom.”

“Liz, no way. Even if I wanted it my life is in Seattle. Why don’t one of you guys take it?”

“All of us are busy we don’t have enough time between work and raising our kids to run a store.”

“And you think I have the time?I have a baby, and I’m also a surgeon. Your kids are almost teenagers anyway you guys have more time.”

“Just think about it.”

“Liz-.”

“Fine, I’ll talk to my husband we’ll probably take it.” The older sister sighed annoyingly.

“Thank you.” Amelia smiled.

“You owe me big time though.”

“What can I do for you?” Amelia chuckled.

“Hmm.” Lizzie seemed to contemplate this for a moment. “I get to spend some time with you baby, I miss when my kids were that little.”

“I think we can arrange that.”

______________________________________

“Link this is Lizzie, Lizzie this is Link.” Amelia introduced as the two stepped into the apartments living room.

“Nice to meet you.”

“You as well, glad I’m not meeting you as Owen.” Lizzie smirked in reference to the dinner in New York she missed, Amelia nudging her in response.

“Well I’m glad your not meeting me as Owen.” Link joked along with her. The baby’s cries interrupting them.

“I’ll go get him.” Amelia told her boyfriend, Lizzie following behind so she could meet her newest nephew.

“Sooo Link is hot” Lizzie chuckled as she watched her sister pick up her son. It still shocked her that her little sister was a mother.

“Yes, he is.” Amelia blushed. Link then knocked on the door and Amelia told him he could come in.

“What should I say to Bailey?”

“You still haven’t told her?” Amelia rolled her eyes in annoyance. “I told you to do that while I was gone.”

“I’m sorry I forgot.” Links shoulders sunk in embarrassment.

“It’s fine just give me your phone.” Amelia passed the baby to her sister and grabbed her boyfriends phone.

“What do you need to tell your chief?” Lizzie asked as she admired the baby in her arms.

“That we can’t go to some dinner.” Amelia said focusing on the phone.

“You guys should go!” Her sister said excitedly.

“I don’t know. I’d rather stay here.”

“Come on. Whens the last time you’ve been put since this little guys been born.” Amelia and Link looked at each other trying to remember. “That’s what I thought. I’ll watch Scout, you two go out.”

“It’s really okay, we don’t really want to go.” After some convincing, Lizzie was able to make the couple go out for the attendings dinner.

“His schedule is on the fridge. There’s milk in the fridge, his blanket is in the dryer, and he can’t sleep without the sound machine on.” Amelia ranted as she stood by the door with her boyfriend.

“Okay, you don’t need to worry I’ve raised five kids of my own if you remember.” Lizzie smiled, as the couple left the apartment wearily.

“I guess it’s just you and me, kid.” Lizzie told the baby in her arms as she walked into living room and sat down with the baby. She looked around the living room it was very homey, different from her other sisters homes, but probably for the better she thought. On the bookshelf she recognized a familiar book, she grabbed it and sat back down on the couch putting the baby and book on her lap so they could both see.

“That’s your mommy when she was your age.” Lizzie cooed pointing to a baby picture of her little sister. “You look a lot more like your dad, you have her nose. Can’t quite tell who’s eyes you have though.”

“Oh and that’s your uncle Derek.” The woman pointed to a picture of him with braces and in a band uniform holding his saxophone proudly. “That’s where your middle name comes from, I’m sure you’ll hear lots about him.”

“And there’s your mom when I cut her bangs. She couldn’t of been more than five.” Lizzie laughed at the memory, their mother was so mad she had cut her little sisters hair and on top of that it was so poorly done. “She was not happy, and your grandma definitely wasn’t either.”

“There’s when your mommy went to prom, Addie did her hair and makeup, I wanted to do it for her but I guess after the bangs I couldn’t be trusted. Oh that was her boyfriend at the time, not a very nice guy. But your mom has finally found someone who loves her so so so so so much.” Lizzie smiled, realizing her sister wasn’t the same person in these pictures anymore. After a little while of flipping through the pictures the baby started to fuss, signaling he was ready to go to bed for the night. She left to put the baby in his crib and turn on his sound machine and when she came back into the living room her sister and boyfriend were home. “That was early.”

“Yeah, it was so boring.” Amelia dramatically sighed as she kicked off her heels. “How’s my baby?”

“He’s good, just went to sleep. We were looking through your scrapbook, hope you don’t mind.”

“Scrapbook?” Link asked curiously, he hadn’t know there was one in the house.

“It’s fine, which one?” Amelia asked as she sat down on the couch picking it up, and immediately closing it once she opened the first page.

“What is it?” Link chuckled curiously, reaching to grab the scrapbook.

“Nothing you need to see.” Amelia jumped up keeping the scrapbook out of his grasp.

“I think he’d absolutely love to see some of those pictures.” Lizzie defended.

“At of all the scrapbooks you could’ve picked out you had to do the one with the most embarrassing pictures?”

“There are more scrapbooks here?” Link asked confused, he never payed much attention to what his girlfriend put on their bookshelves.

“See what you’ve done Lizzie?”

“Come on, let him see a scrapbook.” Lizzie pleaded with her sister, one of her favorite pastimes was finding ways to embarrass her sisters.

“You can’t laugh.” Amelia firmly told him while slowly passing the scrapbook over.

“Scouts honor.” Her boyfriend held up three fingers. And he sat down on the couch Lizzie sitting next to him to point out the worst photos. He flipped to the page with all of her siblings prom pictures immediately spotting hers and chuckling. “Oh my god, you seriously dated this kid?”

“Ugh.” Amelia groaned taking the scrapbook away. “He was sweet.”

“No he wasn’t he was a jerk! And really dumb for that matter, you could’ve done a lot better. There was always William he was always in love with you.” Lizzie laughed, out of all the boyfriends she had in high school everyone loved William.

“He wasn’t a jerk, he was just misunderstood. And I could never stand William.” She defended as she put the scrapbook back onto the shelf.

“What was the name of your prom date?” Link asked curiously, definitely going to use this information to tease her in the future.

“I don’t remember”

“Oh yes you do, it was Ryder.” Amelia just rolled her eyes in response.

“So you were in a love triangle.” Link asked whilst smirking.

“No I wasn’t, I was head over heels for Ryder, William always just inserted himself into the situation.” Amelia admitted.

“You still head over heels for Ryder?” Link smirked.

“Some days.” The neurosurgeon joked before going to kiss her boyfriend. “I’m just kidding I don’t think I could love someone as much as I love you.”

“Gross Amelia, since when did you become a sappy love story?” The girls sister jokes, to get a throw pillow thrown at her in response causing all of them to laugh.

#amelia shepherd #amelink #atticus lincoln #baby amelink #greys anatomy #greysanatomy #greys fanfic #greys anatomy fanfic #lizzie shepherd #scout lincoln

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karaslluthor · 5 years

Text

supercorp fanfic masterpost pt.2

this has been in my drafts for over a year so here ya go and hasn't been updated since then but if u haven't read these then ur welcome. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

its literally a big ass list jsyk and i did all the tumblr tags back then so idk if they are still the same users but hopefully lmao.

original part 1 is here boysss

MULTI FICS

somewhere i have never travelled (http://archiveofourown.org/works/9268886/chapters/21008012)

kara and lena visit all different places lenas lived and then they find a home together and its super cute and fluffy I cry

Paranoia Incarnated - @justmickeyfornow

mickey is my fucking supercorp spiritual guider with the best fucking fic and ive read it about 322934 times and still is sooo good. Also the whole heartbeat thing KILLS me. SO MUCH ANGST but literally its worth the death u go through trust me

Transcendent Interactions

Kara and lena share this bond thing from birth and can feel each others emotions and they finally meet and its so great like im actually fucking in love with this fic and kara gets herself off all the time thinking lena doesn’t know idk just read it u wont regret I stg

Closer and Closer (Until We Collide) - @hallow777

Im a slut for bed sharing tropes and this is so CUTE like lenas all freaking out because she keeps waking up cuddling kara and alex is oblivious to everything and its just soooo good

So, This Happened?

Drunk kara leaves drunk alex for a more suitable cuddle buddy aka lena lesbian luthor and lena sleeps in a supergirl t shirt bc of course

Sojourn

Holy mother of fuck as if this fic didn’t absolutely ruin my fucking life??? Lena has to go to London for a month so she invites kara to come with her and lena has a gay awakening and realises shes in love with kara and its SO FUCKING GOOD

just one wrong move (baby, baby)

lena is having karas baby from this alien tech accidentally! And lena is so loved and its so cute like honestly and obviously they fall in love bc duh

hold me, my dear (and don't let go)

kara is a professional cuddler and lena hires her services bc shes a sad touch starved young lady and deserves to have some hugs in her life hello fluff my old friend discovering the moon

alex and lena brotp and holy fuck does it deliver!!!! Alex is like a wingwoman we all need and kara and lena just need to communicate tbh but AMAZING

Focus on Something You Love, and Breathe

Lex is a little shit as always and wants to kill lena bc he thinks shes in love with supergirl (which she is) so kara says she can stay with her and obviously the angst is juicy and ruined my life. So. Good. Read. It.

Offstage

College theatre au but like literally one of the best college aus ive ever read!!!! Lenas just a big lesbian and karas confused and they bang secretly and its glorious

it's a boy!

lena takes in a super powered alien baby that falls from the sky and gets a weird neighbor in the form of kara danvers and theres not many chapters yet so im not sure whats happening with kara yet but im super excited for this!!!

Break My Fall

Kara dates monel but kisses lena as supergirl and its angsty and smutty and all round a good fucking time

carefulness can be damned

Post 3x7, literally smut with some plot need I say more??

A Foolish Wit - @seabiscuits-us

if you haven’t read seabiscuits fics are you even a supercorp fan?? Lena needs a husband and Clark Danvers is positively charming and also actually disguised as a man, I mean.. quality content

In My Veins

im soooo excited for this fic because the lena/alex brotp is written so well!!! Basically lena and alex become really good friends bc they both deal with their issues by drinking obvs and kara thinks they are secretly dating and gets upset and im SO READY FOR THIS ANGST

Would You Catch Me If I Fall For You ('Cause I'm falling)

This is absolutely amazing and so captivating and I was honestly on edge the whole time kudos to the author!!!!! Kara goes back in time to warn lena about her dying on the venture and lena falls in love with her but she disappears and then when real kara and lena meet, kara doesn’t remember knowing lena and ughsalkdhsla its so good.

We Need a New Song

Oh my good golly gosh this fic ruined my life. Ballet au that has barely any ballet and an abundance of GAY and I had to take a moment after reading this to collect myself tbh

and stick it into someone else's heart

Rhea infected lenas boobs in a cage dress with some weird alien stuff and her and kara have to bang or THEY’LL DIE pretty much but they love each other

The Laws of Fate

soulmate au where everyone has a red string and lenas points to the sky and shes confused af but it’s a gay slow burn and the angst is good for ur soul

My Sun

Lena gets into a car accident and kara thinks she died but lex is a maniac and wants lenas help and fdjsaklfs it’s a rollercoaster let me tell you

Mercy on Me

lena falls under black mercy and in order to bring her back karas has to break her poor little gay heart bc lena thinks her and kara are in looooove AWWW heart shatters

Be your own Hero

Collection of supercorp one shots!!!!!! Quality content lemme tell yaaaa

pick a blossom and hold it to your breast (honey, you know that’s my love bursting loud from inside)

kara and lena rely on their late night phone calls with each other and get the feels and go on a date and they are just cute adorable dorks that are nervous

your voice is pretty, baby (but i’d rather have your pretty skin instead)

part 2 of pick a blossom ^^^ still adorably cute and a smut chapter I mean come on, treat yoself

Firsts

kara and lenas first told in the cutest wayyyyyyyy

Whispers

lena works with lillian to save supergirl and its oh so angsty and kara always believes her girl bc that’s canon

My personal Santa in heels

Kara loves Christmas almost as much as she loves lena, almost

Timer

Soulmate AU where everyone can have a device installed to tell them the time until they meet their soulmate, kara and lena love each other but kara cant have a timer installed obvs kryptonian skin and its so cute and soft and angsty

The Fatal Flaw

Super cool and different fic and keen to see more chapters from this!! Kara doesn’t have her powers (yet) and she meets lena at a party at college and then clark tells her shes actually an alien ooooo im keen

Stay the night

Lena inherits the national city womens basketball team and star player kara danvers is a muscly babe and they try not to fall in love BUT ITS JUST TOO HARD BECAUSE THEY ARE SOULMATES also I love jack in this such a wingman

1865

MATTTTTTTTEEEE lena is the daughter of the governor and shes a little rebel. She falls in love with kara but her family has arranged her marriage to monel BUT LIKE THEY JUST LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH btw they are aliens but like in 1865 so cool. Pls update I love this so much

All Our Bodies in the Grass - @seabiscuits-us

fuckkkkk this fic honestly, amish au and lena knows nothing but kara is down to help her out while also sharing lovely girl mags ;)

B.F.F.W.E.B

Kara and lena are friends with benefits but feels get involveddddd, lenas a useless lesbian

All the little lies

Kara comes to earth and falls in love with lena but she has to go back to krypton and breaks lenas heart in the process, but she comes back and its only been like 7 months but its been like 3 years for lena!!! (I cant remember exact dates don’t judge me)

half melted m&m's

lena needs a fake wife to stay in the country so kara is ever so helpful and agrees to be her wife, oh I do love a fake wife trope and this delivers!!!!

The Wrong Superhero

Lena gets saved by batwoman and supergirl thinks she is super jealous because of superhero-related reasons but shes just in love with lena

We'll Take on the World

College au, just useless fools in love that need to communicate and make out more

And they call me from beyond the stars

Omg I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH ok so kara is a ghost (still from krypton and stuff) but no one can see her except lena so lena works on trying to get her back into the physical plane of existence so she can find alex but they FIND LOVE WITH ONE ANOTHER oh my god so angsty let me tell ya be warned

Wait for me to come home

https://lostariels.tumblr.com/

idk where to even start on this fic honestly, im pretty sure most people have read this bc it’s a rite of passage but fuck it gets me everytime!!!! Army au and there is so much angst and I love it

An Unexpected Surprise

supercorp baby au!!! Kara and lena bang and kara ends up preggers. Iconic

Days in a Lifetime

Kara and lena grow up together, massive slowburn but worth the wait!!!!! ACTUALLY GO AND READ ALL OF STENS BECAUSE I JUST REALISED HOW MANY I PUT IN HERE AND THEY ARE ALL FUCKING GREAT

Do you wanna (like you know I do) - @seabiscuits-us

another seabiscuit, I couldn’t not put this in!!! CAPE COD and sharing of bunk beds!!! Pls update this my soul is withering away

Purple and Black are my Favorite Colours

Kara gets in contact with kryptonite that makes her gp! And her and lena b a n g

ONE SHOTS

danishes and other sweet treats

oh my fuck this is so cute and its like a long one shot so I mean get on it because kara and lena go to a conference and share a hotel room need I say more

Sun Kissed

Kara takes lena on a roadtrip to the science museum for her birthday and my good golly gosh its so cute I could ascend to heaven

Only Human

A one shot with two chapters in different POV but lenas jealous of monel and then supercorp bang and its all angsty and lena protects kara and tbh they need to communicate but happy endings and love all round

The Right Thing

Lena freaks out because lex knows her and supergirl are dating and does the most dramatic thing (of course) by distancing herself from kara and did I say angst???/ also I cried multiple times in this

funny how the stars crossed right

Kara and lena keep meeting at parties and have super dorky costumes and fall in love (literally love anything written by you btw, im going to go ahead and say I would have all yours bookmarked so everyone just check them ALL out)

Accidental Text

kara accidentally sends a love confession to lena and its short and cute!

Unspoken Promises

supergirl and reign battle and lena finds out about kara being supergirl and supercorp are just obliviously in love

Green (Kara loves it and hates it in equal measure)

Im a sucker for a jealous trope and boy does this deliverrrr. Karas hella jealous of lena having other friends but realises its because shes super in love with her

Crush

Karas jealous because lena is flirting with supergirl but lena knows kara is supergirl so shes actually flirting with kara, nice!

My Donuts

Karas really jealous of sam and lena spending heaps of time together and then kara walks in on them having donuts and she fucking loses it because its their thing duh.

when we get there

Lena invites kara to her beach house to chill and they obvs fall in love because they are cute af

Have a Break

Lena is determined to work out how to use a vending machine to get kara her candy and kara and winn are watching it all unfold via cameras in catco, basically lena vs. the machine (himym singing voice)

Self doubt and comforting talks

Drunk kara, comforting lena fluff and adorableness

Shopping carts and a beautiful girl

Kara crashes into lenas car in a shopping cart and they go on a date and its SO CUTE

Distractions

lenas oblivious to kara being supergirl even though kara slips up all the time!!! #nicehalloweencostumekara

Lip Bites & Long Gazes

lenas a big gay flirt and kara gets frustrated and flustered and calls her out and they make out

Off the Record

kara spots lena at a gay club and they dance and make out *lizzie mcguire voice this is what dreams are made of*

Not so secret

the superfriends take a weekend away and kara and lena bang pretty much smut but its cute

come be my lover, be my getaway car

How many amazing tropes can you fit into one fic (aka the fic that made me lose my fucking mind oh my god its so good, had it include)

A one time thing

Kara and lena end up banging in a motel and kara has an internal meltdown its great

This is Home

Listen here, this is the most adorable thing my two eyes have ever witnessed. Lena doesn’t really have a home kara the sweet soul she assists her in finding a home with her (aka its kara, kara is her home get it)

Her Biggest Fan

lena is apart of the supergirl fandom, aka shes me

Drunk Puppy

kara being a drunk gay mess wanting to hunt seashells with lena

Act Natural

kara and lena have hickies and try to hide them on a beach trip with the gang

Like a date, date

kara asks lena on a date and lena has a gay panic attack pretty much

Datable

everyone thinks kara and lena are dating so they just start dating? Amazing

Stop following me, creep

Please clarify

Lena tries to tell kara she loves her and wants to date but karas an alien and just doesn’t get it, so cuteeeee

Fate is Written in the Ink (part 1)

Fate is Written in the Ink (part 2)

Soulmate au!!!! Any ink on your skin appears on your soulmates and omg its so cute like kara draws all this art on herself and lena gets to see it too!!!!!

Muddle my heart (then add a dash of lime)

Kara keeps going to the bar because punk/bartender Lena is a babe and she has a big lesbian crush on her

be hopeful, don't get broken (stay caught up in the moment)

angsty dog au and I mean PUPPIEs and SUPERCORP need I say more?

The makings of a family

Clark is the one who arrives after being stuck in the phantom zone and kara has to look after him and lena helps her out and wow new baby for supercorp

Let Your Guard Down

Lena in a DEO uniform sparring with kara and its so angsty because lenas mad at kara for not telling her the supergirl secret and then they bang and did I already mention lena in a DEO uniform???

Do you not like the service here?

Thirsty kara and waitress lena, lenas jealous of alex l o l

here is where time is on our side (part 1)

our corner of the universe (part 2)

long oneshot but fuck me its so good. Post daxamite invasion/mon-el coming back and both are healing from everything and go on a roadtrip just wherever the map takes them and oh my fuck its so cute and everything u want in a fic. Part two is the follow up

The Uncanny Valley

cadmus replaces real lena with a robot version and kara didn’t know but then kara finds lena and its cute

put these battered bones to rest

soulmate au (you should know by now im a sucker for a good soulmate au), lena has a foreign name on her hip (its kara btw)

pain

another soulmate au hhehehe soulmates feel each others pain obvs both these babies have a lot of paiiiiiin in their lives

Love is Garbage

Literally a garbage truck au, im not even going to say more

i know you're out there somewhere waiting (i know the stars can hear us praying)

Whats this??? Another soulmate au!!! Classic lover one arm, enemy on the other, honestly lena deserves more and just waits for kara to love her and I love this fic, also they help sam!!

Monster in the Mirror

Supercorp reveal in the middle of the lena/edge poisoning children episode oooooooh so angsty but happy love ending

Safety

Supercorp first ever sleepover!!! This is so cute stop

Please Clarify

Lena tries to ask kara out in every single way possible and kara is an oblivious alien

love is a flower, you gotta let it grow

Unrequited love makes u grow flower petals in your lungs but when ur love is returned it clears up, this was dope and I love ur work

where our hands hurt from healing - @seabiscuits-us

its seabiscuit do I need to say more?????? I will tho. Alex and lena match on tinder and become besties and I live for alex/lena brotp so….

blessed be (the mystery of love) - @seabiscuits-us

*dj Khaled voice* ANOTHER ONE, look I love every single fic this one does not disappoint and nothing like a good light hearted first date fisting hahahahahaha

The Luthor and the Super That Saved the World

Fit it fic for the season three finale where there is more supercorp and less shit writing, LOVE STENS WORK

Kara Danvers and the Brown Belt of Lesbianism

Karas gay brown belt that she always wears that makes her look like a big ol lesbian drives lena mental bc she so gay

SIN

ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING BY JAZZFORDSHIRE IM NOT FUCKING JOKING LET YOURSELF FALL INTO THIS SMUTFEST AND LIVE UR BEST FUCKING LIFE AND IF YOU HAVENT READ THE CAMPING AU UR NOT EVEN A SUPERCORP STAN

Pleasure

like sweat dripping down our dirty laundry

What Happens in the K Room Doesn't Stay in the K Room

green-eyed monster

Kara shows Lena what makes her Super

Supergirl, Kara, and a Luthor walk into a bar...

Late Night Heroics

Good Vibrations

Two Lena Luthors and a blonde walk into a bedroom...

Her perfect match

Girls' Night

Happy Halloween, Supergirl

What She Wants

make the rules then break them

an animal within an animal

THE WILDEST THING IVE EVER READ, STRAP THE FUCK IN (youll understand my pun when you’ve read it)

#supercorp #supercorp masterlist #fic rec #kara danvers #lena luthor #supergirl #supercorp fanfic

2K notes · View notes

bolbianddolanhouse · 4 years

Text

BNHA self insert AU [Book 3]

New? Read here! Then here!

Chapter 15: Why Do We Live? Just To Suffer?!

Beizu and I didn’t waste any time trying to escape for the weekend! It was our weekend! We agreed to go to our parent’s homes and hang out from there. I get home and nobody was there as expected. Saturdays are hang out days for the kids and short work days for mom and dad. I slam myself onto my bed, as I missed sleeping on my very comfy mattress. The dorm beds SUCK! I get coffee from the kitchen after a while and floated around.

“Hey Muffins, update me on the household since the last time I was here” I called out to the resting robo on the couch.

“It’s been 115 days since you’ve last been home, there’s been 4 fires and 7 gatherings at the house.” the robo listed “20 pictures has been added to the family virtual library. Mom didn’t celebrate her birthday. There’s been 2 lockdowns at the house, Tensei went to debate nationals in March, Hanaka got suspended from school that same week. Lili has video called every night for the past 2 months. And that’s up to date.”

“Only 4 fires? Huh” I took a sip of my coffee “Thank you for the update, whats the ETA for anybody?”

“Hanaka and Dad are due to come back from the doctors at 1pm”

“Doctors?” I whispered to myself “She never gets sick, hope she’s okay.”

It may not be obvious, but Hanaka used to latch onto me when she was a baby. She’d cry when I don’t acknowledge her before I leave the house and set my sweater sleeves on fire if I don’t hold her right away. She’s very much the little, bratty sister type but I still worry. She depends a lot on family support because of her fire quirk, it makes it very hard to live a normal life. Wonder if that’s the cause? I wait around and see them come through the door but it feels so off. Hanaka goes straight to her room in silence, ignoring the fact that I’m in sight.

“Hello Iwata, how was your trip home?” Dad said once Hanaka was in her room.

“It was fine but what’s up with her?”

Dad sighed “She had an episode where she couldn’t control her fire. Nobody got hurt but it happened at school and the school made it a big deal out of it, calling her a delinquent.”

“So what’s the diagnosis?” I asked, processing what dad told me.

“Anxiety trigger, the mix of her quirk and puberty hormones are making her unstable” Dad sets down his keys to wipe his glasses “I really don’t know what to do. And I’m scared its going to be like when your mom gets unstable.”

“Wait, mom gets unstable?” that was news to me. I know of mom losing her temper when she was younger but getting unstable?!

Dad nodded and put his glasses back on “It happens when she overworks and stresses out. Once I triggered the breaking point and I got hit by her psych-blast. If your uncle Jin didn’t set up the robo to sedate her at the right moment, she could’ve died.”

I looked toward the top of the stairs “Well you’ve dealt with mom’s and mine anxiety things, how is this any different?”

“You and your mom have the same quirk and therapy has helped you two” dad started “Your sister doesn’t have the same quirk to body part association. How do you contain a fire that water doesn’t douse nor can be snuffed out? I want to help, I know how much she wants to live a normal life.”

“Leave it to me then” I said confidently “Lili isn’t here to do a girl talk, but I’m here to do a big brother support conversation! Maybe I’ll break through to her, who knows?”

“If you feel like it will help” Dad smiled “then go and talk to her. I’ll be down here making lunch.”

I make my way to the girls room. Before I could even knock, I heard her deep and heavy sobs. It was unsettling as I’ve never heard her sob like this. I knock on the door.

“Can I come in?”

“No”

“Why?”

“I don’t wanna talk about things!”

“I don’t wanna talk” I shake my bag of snacks “I just wanna share cheetos with my little sister.”

“...what kind of cheetos?”

“Hot con límon.”

“...okay you may enter.”

I open the door to see Hanaka in a blanket burrito, mouth and nose peeking out. Trying not to laugh at the sight, I sit next to her bed on the floor and open the bag of cheetos. I float them between us so she could get some without reaching too far. We just sat there in silence for a while until she spoke up.

“Iwa, do you think I’m a bad person?”

I look over to see her face peeking out “No.”

“Do you think anybody would love me? Romantically?”

Oh its that kind of conversation “I believe there’s somebody for everybody.”

“It’s just that, I confessed to somebody and they said so many mean things” her lips started to quiver “Like I’m weird looking, my quirks are weird, that my fire quirk makes it so it burns to hold my hand and who would want to love me if they can’t hold my hand.”

“Well that’s rude! They should’ve just said no and be on their way!” I never wanted to punch a child so much in my life.

“What was worse was that all his friends were there to laugh at me and it attracted more kids to poke fun at me” Hanaka got teary eyed “And I just couldn’t take it, I got all shakey and just combusted into flames. The flames were strong enough to set the play yard on fire. Nobody got hurt but it was still scary.”

“Nobody helped you afterwards?”

“Tensei, Petti and Kyanka covered me until a teacher came” she wiped her tears with the blanket “But I caused so much trouble and it really upset the people in the office. They called me a bad kid and that it wouldn’t surprise them if I became a villain.”

Oh hell no, that school is on my hit list for saying something like that to a child! “Fuck that school! You know what Hanaka, you’re not a bad kid, okay? And you are capable of love and people love you back, do you think Tensei and your friends would do that if they didn’t love you?”

Hanaka sniffed “No...”

“Would you do the same for them if their quirk got out of hand?”

“Yeah! Of course I would!” she responded passionately “I’m their best friend, and friends don’t let friends do things alone!”

“See?! You’re not a bad kid, you love your friends and family” I encouraged her “You can worry about romantic love later, the one will come around soon enough. Right now just focus on school work and being a good friend.”

Hanaka loosened the grip she had on the blanket so it unfurled around her “I guess that does make me feel a bit better” she brought her knees up to her chest “But now I don’t even know if I’m going back to that school. Mommy got really upset like you did at the school office that she’s fighting with the school officials.”

“Wow, good on mom to stand up for you!” I gave props “I’d do the same. But lets not worry about that and trust in mom to make the right move. So, lets change the subject! What’s new?”

Hanaka blew her nose and disposed of her now highly flammable tissue “Uhhh, I made a new friend. Which so happens to be the daughter of one of mom and dad’s hero classmates.”

“Oh that’s tea, who?!” I was intrigued by that second part.

“Her dad is ‘Can’t Stop Twinkling’ the Sparkling Hero” she explained “She was the new girl at school this year and she’s just like me and the girls!”

Her usual giddy self came back, warming my heart “And what’s that?”

“We hate our hero dads, love shopping and wanna be goth” she grabbed her phone to show me her lock screen “See? That’s us right before that juice stand behind us caught on fire.”

“Did you-”

“I don’t think I was responsible for that fire” she clarified “We booked it just in case anyone wanted to pin it on me. BUT look at us!”

I squint at the lock screen picture “There’s glare on your friend’s face.”

“That’s her quirk, don’t be rude!” she scolded me “She’s so luminescent that it hurts to look at her sometimes, and in pictures she’s always glared out. But we put her next to Petti in pictures to offset the light and take a decent one.”

“I’m glad you made a new friend! Has she been to the house?”

“Yup, she’s not yet used to the spicy food we eat though” Hanaka stifled a giggle “Her dad says that she was born and raised in France. He brought her over here because the schools in Japan are better and the hero work is abundant.”

“Can’t wait to meet them”

“Lets see during graduation season” she started then her phone pinged “Oop that’s the group chat, they’re sending their concern memes.”

Before I could take a peek at her phone, Tensei busts in. Which was weird because he ALWAYS knocks.

“Rosa! Okay, okay, okay” he said quickly before calming down a little “I did...a thing...wait- Iwa? When did you get home?”

“I got here late morning but whats the haps lil bro?” I asked “You look like you landed in a trash heap.”

“I can neither confirm nor deny that happened” he said closing the door behind him and locking it “But back to the thing I did. PLEASE don’t tell mom and dad! Because I’m still very fresh from the thing I did and I’m still processing it.”

“Okay just spill it” Hanaka was getting annoyed “You keep saying thing like you don’t know other words! What thing did you do on your sleep over with the boys?”

“This” he lifted his shirt up to his chest, revealing a belly button piercing.

I was shocked, so shocked that I dropped the bag of cheetos that I was floating. Tensei is this good boy image with a punk-like personality. To see this rebellious side to him made me proud in a way. He looks the most like our dad but with a darker skin tone, so I guess this is his baby step into his true self. Hanaka was so shocked that the waste basket contents caught on fire.

“What the- where in Japan did you go to get pierced?” Hanaka asked genuinely “Those jewelry places don’t let you get one without adult permission if you’re under 16.”

“Don’t get mad, but one of my band members has a cousin that’s a tattoo artist and does piercings at the place they work at” Tensei started to get red faced “Sooo I showed him that I could fix his little barbel piercings for free when the boys and I walked into his shop for fun... And he gave me this as payment.”

“Tensei! You got this i l l e g a l l y?!” I harshly whispered “Why did you agree to it?”

“Yeah! It’s not like you to do those things” Hanaka scowled in concern “What’s gotten into you lately? Ever since you came back from Nationals, you’ve been acting different.”

Tensei pulled down his shirt and sighed “I’m sick of being praised of being as good and law abiding like dad. I’m nothing like him inside! I’m not some capri-wearing rectangle!” he huffed “I’m way cooler, smarter and talented then people give me credit for. I don’t need the signature quirk to make my way in this world! And I wanna change my image so people take me seriously...no more orderly Tensei, I wanna be anarchist Oro!”

Hanaka narrowed her eyes, like she was shooting needles into her twin’s soul “Is this because you lost and can’t accept the L?”

Tensei turned red and scrunched his nose “No! I’ve already grieved over that and took and L” he crossed his arms “Nationals was just a tiny part of the whole reason.”

“What?” I was lost in this timeline of events.

Hanaka leaned over to me and whispered “Tensei cost his team majorly on all his debates. So bad that the team barred him from going to more debates this season and has to prove himself all over again to get back in the top 3 teams at school.”

“Oof that’s some sad boi shit” I winced at the recap “It’s okay to still not be over that L, you don’t have to spiral like this.”

“Well it’s too late, I got the damn piercing already and planned the next one” Tensei took a deep breath “I’ve been wanting this for a while, to just rebrand and have respect as my own identity. Not some clone of my father or just be the ‘other’ Iida twin. But until I take the next few steps, please don’t tell our parents about this. I want to tell them myself when the time comes.”

“Okay sure” Hanaka and I agreed.

Tensei turned to open the door “Thanks guys, it means a lot to me that you support me.”

Man, things are getting crazy here! My sweet parents have to deal with this shit on their own and they deserve a vacation or the Nobel peace prize for being the most supportive during life disasters. Seriously! I didn’t see mom until the evening, she looked a little run down but I really wanted to talk to her.

“Hey mom” I announced myself as I entered the living room.

“Iwata! I’ve missed you so much” Mom said as she used her quirk to pull me in for a tight hug “You’re getting so big, I can hardly wrap my arms around you!”

“Missed you too” I hugged her back “I just really miss being home.”

“I bet, heard you did phenomenal at the last practice test” she smiled and caressed my face with her hand “Just like your mama back in the day. I’m so proud of you for using the good old distraction card! That’s what I was well known for, wildcard and distractions.”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about” I sat up straight “I don’t know how things are going to get for the Labyrinth practice test. You took the practice and the evaluated one, what’s the winning combo?”

“What? hahaha” Mom laughed for a moment “There really isn’t a ‘winning combo’, just being well versed in fighting techniques. That’s where your uncle Jin didn’t get to the mid-point, he’s a genius and has good speed BUT he lacks impulsive/on the fly thinking. Everything has to be calculated to the T for him and if too many things has gone wrong in his thought out strategy, those seconds he takes thinking of a new plan can be the death of him.” She sighed into another chuckle “And your aunty Mimi! Boy, she’s an amazing weapons user and she NEVER misses. But in the exam, she didn’t make it past the 3rd stage because the stand off was with someone that erases quirks. She depended too much on her quirk for her gun wielding and she got out because of it.”

“So you did the opposite?”

“I used my critical thinking to get me though all the stages. The place were I used my quirks the most were at the end to win the fight with the mock villain” she leaned back and looked up at the ceiling “The rigorous training I did for basically a year got me to the point of not depending on my quirks until the very last resort. Remember Iwata, just because we can do anything without lifting a finger doesn’t mean we should ignore how able bodied we are. So I suggest do some more strength and endurance OH and you might need to do some breathing training too! Never know if you need to hold your breath for a certain amount of time.”

“That’s a lot to train on, kinda makes me feel like I didn’t do enough” I got self-conscience “I wanna do good in this one! Not because I want to make you proud, but for myself. Maybe passing this will spark something in me that’ll give me an idea about my destiny.”

“Oh sweet child of mine” Mom looked over to me lovingly “This test won’t give you any ideas on anything, trust me. Both times I had to go into intensive care to make sure I didn’t rupture my vial organs, thats how hard I went in. Just give it your all and just ride the wave that comes next.”

“Did you think you’d pass?”

Mom snickered “Nope! The second time was easier by a little bit but I just keep telling myself ‘whatever happens, happens’. I didn’t think passing would lead me to the agent position I’m at today! Same how I didn’t think that giving the class a cookie would lead to finding the love of my life. So don’t let the ‘what ifs’ rule your self-worth, life has a way of surprising you at the very last second.”

That made me feel better about things. I’m glad I decided to go home this weekend, because I know what to do now.

-The next day, At Beizu’s house-

“...you still have this?” I said to Beizu as I was rummaging through his closet.

“Wha- oh that thing! Yea” he responded “You were my only friend in elementary school, so that graduation picture meant a lot to me.”

“Really? That’s why it’s framed” I looked closely at the picture of us holding hands “We look busted with all those missing teeth!”

“Don’t act like you didn’t cry every time you lost one” Beizu retorted back “Besides, it holds something more special to me...it was when I realized I loved you.”

I counted the years in my head “...damn, almost 6 years ago! Why so long?”

“I didn’t know if these were romantic feelings or not. And you did your own thing in middle school with band” he sighed and sat on the bed “I felt a little left behind and I tried really hard to stay in your interest. I wanted you to tell me I was yours, I didn’t care if that meant friend or lover” he turned red “It sounds silly now, but I was happy if you just said good morning or spent lunch with me.”

“Bei, you were always in my interest” I floated over to him “Nobody understood me like you did. You were never anything less than my best friend and it took some eye opening to see that we were basically lovers anyways.” I put my arm around his shoulders “Are you happy that we’ll basically wake up next to each other for the rest of our lives?”

“Are you kidding me?! It’s my dream come true!”

“Great! Just making sure” I kissed him bashfully “because I was getting ahead of myself and looking into apartments in Taito. We’ll be able to move in once I get possession of my inheritance money.”

“I don’t care if I have to wait until I’m on my death bed” he tackled me onto the bed “As long as I’m with you, anywhere is home.”

How everything was coming together nicely for us after UA. In between training and schoolwork, we looked at apartments online. Everyone was envious of us having things set afterwards, but to be honest, we only have an idea of things! We don’t know where exactly we’re going to work nor where to settle. It’s a bit bold to think our parents will give us work when we graduate. But I’m following my mom’s advice and just ‘riding the wave’ of what comes next.

-Fast forward, Mid October-

Beizu, Gee and I take advantage of the half-day of school by filling it with training in the disaster practice gym.

“Huh? The door is unlocked?” Gee said as she checked the door, key in hand “Did we come on the wrong day?”

“No, we have today reserved for us” Beizu pointed to the bulletin board next to the doors “See, we’re in the right.”

We walked on in and checked for anybody that straggled from the last session. But we found three people having banter on a rock.

“Remember the days of disaster training with sensei?!” said a familiar female voice.

“Ugh! Shut up or his ghost is gonna show up and bark at us to do wall sits” said another familiar male voice.

“Rich coming from someone that shat their pants the first time they shot a gun” shaded a Russian accent.

“Mom? Aunty and Uncle?” I spoke up as we got closer “What are you doing here? Aren’t you guys supposed to be agents today?”

“We came to interrogate the administrators here and since we finished early” Aunty Mimi explained “Your mom wanted to take a trip down memory lane. Back to the days of our youth.”

“Speak for yourself! I’m still nimble to go on a tussle like I did in high school” mom flexed her arms “They called me the sparring queen during my time here. I never lost a spar and I still maintain that streak.”

Uncle Jin rolled his eyes “Just because you still train like you’re gonna go to war! Bet you’ll get folded like an omelet if you did a one on one right now.”

“Alright bet!” Mom huffed at the challenge and pointed at me “Iwata, would you be a dear and spar mommy?”

“Oh shit your mom just challenged you” Gee gasped “What are you gonna do?”

“Fuckin fight I guess!” I said with my hands in the air “Let me stretch first though.”

Mom hopped and clapped “Yay! I’ll meet you in the circle in a bit sweetie.”

“Are- are they always like that?” Gee whispered to Beizu and I when the other three were out of earshot “I didn’t know your mom, aunt and uncle were so chummy with each other, like they’re teenagers.”

Beizu groaned into a sigh “All the time! You’re used to our aunt being on sensei mode when we do weapons class, but put them in the same room and they’re one bad decision away from throwing hands.”

“Don’t get us wrong! We love seeing them having fun” I say as I do my stretches “But when we get roped in, we don’t have the means to escape! And I can’t pass this up” I stretch my sides “I’ve NEVER sparred with my mom! She’s only quirk trained me but never the punchy stuff. I really want to see if I’m on par because we have the same quirk.”

We finally walked up to the sparring circle where the agent trio were still reminiscing.

“Ready to throw down nephew?” uncle Jin hyped me up “You’re in for the fight of your life!”

“Don’t scare him!” Mom scolded before dramatically pulling off her agent office uniform to reveal her two piece training clothes “I’d be shitting my pants if I had to fight my mom too. Your hype isn’t helping Jin.”

“Woah, your mom has an amazing physique!” gasped Gee, giving my mom the look over “And with the tattoos?! I can’t even tell if she gave birth to you. Man I hope to be that hot when I’m older.”

“I like your friend there Iwata, she knows what’s good” Mom said as she walked to the middle of the circle “Come now, step into the circle and show mommy what power my little baby boy can harness.”

I blushed hard as I walked up to her “Mom don’t coddle me in front of my team! So embarrassing!”

“Oop sorry baby!” she quickly covered her mouth “Force of habit!”

“Okay rules are first one to pin the other for the ten count is the winner. No weapons and no boundaries” Jin officiated “give the arm brace and assume the position.”

“What’s the arm brace? I only know about the bowing before starting” I whispered to my mom.

“Oh here, hold out your arm” she demonstrated then griped my tricep “now grip mine... there! This is how we show respect before an agent spar.”

I looked at our arms, then into her eyes. Those were the eyes of a woman that has 5 strategies ready to go to win. Those eyes has seen it all and isn’t afraid to do it all again. Wonder if she sees the anxiety in mine? I didn’t have the time to ponder these thoughts, the spar started and she didn’t let up. Immediately I felt the sting of a slap on my face, followed by the whoosh of her movement. What scared me a bit was that the whole time is was silent. Not a single grunt and her breathing was controlled, like she was conserving her energy. She dodged all of my attacks but didn’t land a single attack on me.

“Tired?” asked Mom as I stood to catch my breath.

“I can still fight” I wiped my forehead “hit me mom!”

The smirk that spread on her face was so wicked, I regretted my life because I just played into her trap.

“As you wish mijo!” Mom bellowed as she levitated herself up, followed by pistons jutting out of her body “Nothing personal Iwata” she pointed her palm at me, piston charging with energy “Mama isn’t ready to lose.”

And like the dumb ass I am, I charged right at her with my palm piston. And at the very last second...she grabbed me by the wrist with her other hand to seismic toss me onto the ground. I felt the weight of her foot on my back and knew that I was done for. My arm was locked and I was too tired to get back up, I saw uncle Jin’s feet near me.

“...8, 9, 10!” uncle Jin finished counting down “Winner is our undefeated Queen of Spars, Agent 19!”

“See? Told you I still got it!” She picked me up like when I was child “You okay? Did I hurt you?”

“No I’m okay” I responded to ease her worried tone “But I played right into your trap! You tired me out on purpose and edged me on to strike so I could lock my dominate arm. So simple but effective!”

Mom giggled “You’re so smart! I have a wicked high stamina and my quirk is amplified the more tired I am. So either way, my enemy isn’t leaving unscathed.”

“Wow! You’re absolutely incredible Mrs Iida!” fawned Gee “What else should we study before the test?”

“Just endurance and critical thinking” Mom responded “it’s that simple really. Wish the answer was more thought provoking or full of wisdom.” She looked at her watch “Well it was fun kids but we have to head back to our office to do all that boring office agent stuff.”

“Okay, bye mom! Bye Uncle and Aunty!” I chimed as I waved.

We watched them leave via portal and we continued with our training. I take the critical thinking part more seriously knowing that my mom applied it our spar. But I really don’t know if I’m going about it right! She makes it seem so easy and I wish I was at her level of super genius, big brain strategy.

-Day of Labyrinth practice exam-

“Bei, I’m shitting myself” I say as I finish suiting up “I’m so nervous that I just might anxiety shit myself.”

“That’s not a thing Iwa and you know it” Beizu responded as he finished lacing up his boots “Everything is going to go well! Watch, we’ll all pass and without intensive care afterwards.”

“I hope you’re right” I smiled at him “kiss me good luck?”

Beizu hopped and put his arms around my neck “Okay, one kiss. Then we go in the waiting chamber.”

Sooooo, things were not going well. Gee croaked at level 3 and Beizu didn’t even make it into the doors of the 5th level! He spent too much of his energy in level 4 that he passed out on the moving platform on the way to the next level. Now it’s up to me and I tried really hard not to tire myself out. I see where Gee failed in level 3, there was fast moving projectiles and she isn’t the fastest. Everything was going alright until the 5th level, my quirk stopped working and I panicked. There was nothing in the room and the exit door was locked. I had to think fast, what would I do if my siblings locked me in a room?

“Oh? Feeling trapped?” taunted someone that came into view “You can’t leave until you defeat me! But what is a quirkless agent going to do?!”

“I don’t need quirks” I reach for my gun and cock it “You really wanna fuck with me? I’m a child, WITH A FUCKING GUN! HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT?!”

The person was visibly nervous “Psh! I’ve seen plenty of gun fights!” they started to fumble their words “Come on, shoot me!”

“Naw, don’t feel like shooting you” I aim at the light fixtures on the ceiling “Eat broken light bulb BITCH!”

The lights went out and the sound of broken glass hitting the ground was oddly satisfying. I check to see I could use my quirks again and surely, I started floating. Once the door beeped to signal the level cleared, I made my dash to the next level before the final level. Next level wasn’t too hard, at least not for me, I knew how to swim and hold my breath for longer than 2 minutes. That would’ve sucked for anyone that didn’t know how to swim, gotta hand it to my mom for teaching all of us how to swim when we were kids. I get to the rescue part of the final level and it was fine until the ‘villain’ showed themselves.

“Not so fast agent! You’re forgetting someone important” said the villain as they walked into view.

“Nice try villain, all 8 hostages are safe and accounted for in rescuers care” I said smugly as I raised my gun at them “Lets make this quick.”

“I think you’ll want to put your gun down” the villain revealed someone tied up in a cage “You wouldn’t want to hurt my favorite prisoner.”

“Iwata, don’t shoot...please” said the hostage weakly.

I looked at the hostage closer and it’s...mom? That didn’t seem right to me. This person sounded like her and looks like her from the face. In fact, the whole room changed too! I was under some sort of illusion quirk and I didn’t want to risk shooting something that might cost me points. So I lowered my gun and started to scheme.

“Aww you don’t want to hurt mommy?” taunted the villain “To think that the hot shot agent, grown weak and aged terribly! Do something momma’s boy! Don’t you want to be a big shot agent like mommy? Or are you just as weak as she is?!”

I get an idea “Oye mama, tengo hambre!”

“What-” whispered the villain in panic.

“Que vas a cocinar hoy? Un pozole o taquitos?” I kept going, knowing that I threw the ultimate curve ball in this plan.

“I don’t understand you sweetie” responded fake mom “I’m so weak from my fight, that I lost.”

“That’s okay mommy” I smiled calmly “Will you sing me my favorite song? You’re never too tired to sing!”

“ENOUGH!” cried out the villain “make one wrong move, and I’ll kill her!” she took out a dagger.

“Okay then, fine” I stood completely still with my hands on my hips, ready to do plan B “I won’t move then.”

The villain was super confused on my erratic actions. But it was working because they started to pull back the illusion in the room. Once I saw the door, I knew that victory was in reach.

“We can stand here all day” said the villain bringing the dagger closer to fake mom’s throat “But think about your poor mother’s health! Do you really want her death on your conscience?”

“...any second now” I warned before I gave a content smile “You underestimate me villain! I’m not my mother, I am me! And I have a secret bio-weapon that I’ve just released into the room.”

“A bio-weapon?” the villain looked around frantically “I don’t- oh my- WHAT’S THAT HORRID STENCH?!”

I look at fake mom slowly fade and I knew that I was in the clear. The villain fell to their knees and vomited.

“Eat taser WHORE!” I said right before tasering them and put them in cuffs “do more research on our family next time and maybe this would’ve been a challenge!”

“LABYRINTH PRACTICE TEST CONCLUDED, AGENT 88 HAS CLEARED AND PASSED.”

The doors opened and I walked through to see my teammates, sensei and the test proctors waiting for me at the end of the hall.

“That was amazing!” cried out Gee “We saw everything on the proctor’s panels. How did you know that wasn’t your mom?”

“The person in the cage looked like my mom from the face but my mom is more petite,” I took my visor off “The one in the cage looked taller and didn’t have the big butt and thighs like my mom has.”

“Yo that spanish speaking was the biggest wildcard!” Beizu complimented “You knew that the villain had to break at that vital detail that they didn’t know. And that last line, chef’s kiss.”

“Aw shucks guys, I’m latino and can’t help but to be dramatic about it” I start blushing and acted coy “Kinda wish the illusion was more convincing though.”

“What was that ‘bio-weapon’ you released that made the villain basically pass out?” asked sensei “You don’t have the quirk that can do that.”

“Oh I farted” I confessed shamelessly “I’ve been holding that one in since I started the test...I also suggest decontaminating that room, my farts spread quickly and linger.”

Everyone but Beizu got visibly disgusted. Doesn’t matter because I passed and I can’t wait to tell my parents that I farted my way to victory. Nothing can stop me right now, I’m all the way up.

-Chapter 15, end-

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#mha #bnha #self insert au #book 3 chapter 15 #not canon #will update regularly #ask me anything #//Palma-sama Speaks #more big bro Iwata moments! I love his character as the older-but-still-middle-child in the family dynamic #The interaction with the twins is a big plot hint in the next book! And yes...Aoyama child confirmed BUT ya gotta wait #Quite a bit of skipping because their wasn't much in terms of main plot in between these events #Here you really see Iwa embracing what his mom taught him while staying true to himself and I love to see it #And yes... that last boss in the test was exactly who you think it is! More in the next book tho #next is the FAQ and there was a lot of good ones! You can still submit some as it will take me a while to organize the questions and answer #Thanks again for reading! I know I thank the reader a whole lot in the tags but I mean it! Thanks so much!

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thegizka · 5 years

Text

Say Cheese (fic)

The InoShikaCho Formation is a rising band currently on tour following the success of their first album. With some free time before their performance in Konoha, Ino meets her best friend Sakura for lunch to catch up on the wild twists their lives have taken.

Inspired by Ino Week 2019 Day 7: AU.

Note: I do not own any of these characters.

Read it on Ao3.

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Ino finished pinning the intricate braided twist of her hair before smoothing her long fringe. Donning a floppy, wide-brimmed hat, she did an outfit check in her mirror. High-waisted lavender capris hugged her hips, and a few inches of well-toned stomach peaked out beneath the scalloped hem of her loose white crop top. Chunky white sandals, a stack of thin bangles, and large ombre sunglasses completed the look. It was chic and anonymous without betraying her personal style. She was ready to go.

She sent a quick text to Asuma to let him know she was heading out before stepping into the midmorning sunshine. Pulling the motel room door closed, she descended from the second floor walk, noticing as she passed that Shikamaru’s curtains were still drawn despite the morning stretching into lunchtime. She had invited him and Chouji to join her, but they wanted to spend their day sleeping and playing video games before tonight’s show.

She walked across the gated motel courtyard and let herself out at the front gate. She could call for a car, but the weather was nice and she was familiar enough with the city to feel comfortable walking. Her only possible concern was paparazzi and fans swarming her on the sidewalk, but it was still a novel enough experience to be a minimal risk.

There were a lot of people wandering between the shops, taking advantage of the warm late-spring Friday. There were mothers coraling children on errands, businessmen discussing sales plans en route to lunch meetings, and young couples out on dates. There were also crowds of college kids escaping their studies to enjoy the beauty of the day.

Ino contemplated swinging by the Konoha University campus, but she found that other young adults were most likely to recognize her, and she wanted to preserve the time to herself. When she had convinced Shikamaru and Chouji to form a band four and a half years ago, she could only dream of signing a contract, producing an album, and going on a national tour. But somehow here they were, halfway through a tour playing venues that were nearly ten times bigger than the bars and music clubs where they had started and working on music for their second full-length album. It was a wild ride, and there were still a lot of elements of the industry she was learning to adapt to. Life on the road under the ever-increasing public eye was new territory, and she knew it would only get more complicated as their success and popularity grew.

For now, though, she could navigate this city with nearly the same anonymity and lack of care as she had the last time she’d come here. It felt like a lifetime ago. She and her best friend Sakura had been touring the university, which was renowned for its medical program. At the time, Ino had been entertaining the idea of becoming a neurosurgeon since the band was still working on gaining traction in the music scene. If Shippuden Studios hadn’t offered them a contract a few short months later, she would have joined Sakura in pursuing her medical degree. It was amazing how quickly the trajectory of her life had changed.

She had quite liked the university and city back then. Built on the shores of a beautiful, large lake, Konoha was always buzzing with vacationers and students, a hub of activity and modernity. She liked the balance of relaxing beaches and glowing nightlife. It could have been a place for her to flourish. She supposed it might still be, in a way. Tonight’s concert at Hokage Pier would be their biggest show yet and a potential test of whether they could handle even greater popularity and success. But she had hours before she had to take the stage, and she was looking forward to catching up with her bestie.

She was meeting Sakura at Cafe Konan, a lovely upscale bistro built above the beach with a patio overlooking the water. They had eaten there two years ago after their tour, excitedly discussing the state of the art medical equipment and decorated professors they’d get to work with if they went to school here. Ino arrived early and procured a table in the corner of the patio with a great view. The beach was already peppered with people spreading out blankets or wading. A few sailboats drifted further out on the water. Seagulls darted above the surf looking for food. If she had time, perhaps she’d join everyone for a stroll on the beach.

Ino spent the rest of the wait enjoying the fresh air and snapping pictures. Some days she’d take over a hundred, staying up late to sift through them and select the best ones to feature on her Instagram. She’d always had a good eye for composition and framing, and it had been a natural step to expand her personal account while spearheading the band’s. As stardom put increasing demands on her time, they’d hired a publicity and marketing manager, Kurenai Yuuhi, to help keep their fans updated and satisfied.

“Still attached to that phone I see,” a pleasant voice called, interrupting her study of filters and lighting.

“Still attached to that big forehead of yours,” Ino retorted, but she was grinning broadly. Jumping up from her seat, she embraced her best friend tightly.

“It feels like I haven’t seen you in forever!” Sakura exclaimed, returning the embrace. “How have you been? You look good.”

“So do you,” she observed, pulling back. As much as she made fun of her best friend for her large forehead, she really had grown into it. She stood before her as a mature young woman, sure of herself and free of adolescent insecurities. A form-fitting red shirt and white shorts flattered her figure and long legs. Ino was happy to see her so comfortable with herself.

“You’re growing your hair out again,” she observed as they took their seats. “It looks good.”

“Thanks. It’s a little easier to tie back now for labs and surgery.”

“And what does Sasuke think of it?” she asked, a teasing lilt to her voice. Sakura just rolled her eyes.

“We haven’t been together for more than five minutes and you already want to talk about boys? You haven’t even told me how the tour’s going! Boys can wait until after we order.”

“Fine, but I expect lots of juicy details.”

They worked through the obligatory topics of conversation as they ordered their food and waited for its arrival. Sakura groaned about the stress of school and the medical field, and Ino complained about the obligations of being a working musician. The venting, however, was more ritualistic than sincere, as both were excited about the opportunities before them and content with where they were.

“Will you have time to visit home before your internship with Dr. Tsunade starts this summer?”

“I’ll have about a week, but I might need that time to find an apartment.”

“You’re moving here permanently?” Ino asked, a bit surprised. Her friend shrugged.

“I still have a few years of school, and if I continue to get jobs and internships with my connections here, it’s not really worth carting my stuff back and forth for just a week here and there. Plus you’re on tour most of the time now, and Naruto’s always traveling for his international diplomacy degree. There’s not much to anchor me there anymore.”

“But there’s more here,” Ino probed, reading between the spoken words. “Like Sasuke?”

“You are relentless!” Sakura grumbled with a smile.

“Only because you’ve been dating the hot pre-law student we met while touring here two years ago for a whole six months, and I just found out about it last week! I’m entitled to more information as your best friend.”

“I know,” Sakura sighed. It’s just hard to talk about.”

“What do you mean? Is he super weird? He doesn’t mistreat you or anything, right?”

“No! Not at all! He’s wonderful, just a bit...complicated.” She swirled the water in her glass, smiling softly. Ino could see a blush brushing her cheeks. She’d never seen her best friend like this. They had always been bold about their crushes, at least around each other, but this was different. It was the delicate and deep feeling of mature attraction, maybe even love. Ino was a bit jealous. But she was also really happy for her.

“Sooo, how did you guys meet? And I don’t mean being in the same tour group as prospective students.”

Sakura rolled her eyes, then began her story as they began tucking into their food which had just arrived.

“I used to see him all the time in the library, and I was pretty sure I recognized him from that tour, but he was always super focused on his work so I never approached him or anything. But it was like every time I went to the library to study and get work done, he’d be there with that freakishly intense focus. It turned into a game I’d play with myself--‘where’s the cute guy going to be this time’?” She chuckled at the memory.

“Is he a nerd then?” Ino asked. “I figured only nerds like you would voluntarily spend that much time studying.”

“Ha ha,” Sakura laughed drily. “And no, he’s not a nerd, he’s pre-law, and he helps at his family’s firm part-time so he’s always busy working on something.”

“Ah, so he’s a rich boy.”

“His family has money, yes, but I wouldn’t say they’re rich. He had to take out student loans, same as me.”

“Have you met his family yet?”

“Hold on a second Miss Nosey. Do you want me to finish my story or not?”

“Fine! I’ll hold all questions until the end,” she smirked, spearing a scallop nestled amongst her linguine noodles. “Carry on.”

“I didn’t actually talk to him until right before winter break last year. Tenten, Hinata, and I went to this party that Tenten’s friend Lee was hosting, and Sasuke was there. I guess he and Tenten’s boyfriend Neji had a few classes together and became friends so we ended up hanging out a bit at the party and chatting a little.”

“And he was immediately smitten and declared his love the next day.”

“Not even close!” Sakura laughed. “We didn’t even exchange numbers! And for a while I thought he hated me.”

“What?!”

“I know!” She continued giggling. “I totally didn’t know how to read him! Sasuke exudes this effortless cool, but he’s actually hopeless with social cues half of the time.”

“So why did you think he hated you?”

“Because I’d never get the response I was expecting when I tried to be friendly! Our interactions would be great when we were hanging out in a group, but if I was talking to him one-on-one, he’d seem distant. He even stopped going to the library to work, or he’d leave shortly after I’d show up, which made it obvious that I was some sort of problem or annoyance to him.”

“Oh my gosh Sakura! And you’re dating this jerk?!” Ino leaned across the table. “Why didn’t I know about any of this? That’s awful!”

“It’s fine, Ino. It really wasn’t that bad. My feelings were hurt, but I still didn’t know him all that well, and I had plenty of school work to keep me busy.”

She studied her best friend’s face, reading the echoes of embarrassment and pain as she recounted this part of the story. She knew Sakura. If she was smitten with a guy, she went all in. She was too honest with her feelings to hold back. Ino felt ashamed that she hadn’t known her best friend was struggling.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t know you were going through all of that, and I wasn’t there for you.”

“Ino, it’s okay,” Sakura promised, reaching across the table to squeeze her hand. “I had my friends here, and Naruto visited a lot. It really wasn’t that bad. You already had enough on your plate with your album blowing up the charts and Asuma booking so many interviews and performances for the band. You didn’t need my drama on top of that.”

“But I could’ve handled it! I’m your best friend. I always have time for you.”

The promise tasted like a lie even though she willed it to be true. The band’s success had swallowed so much of her time and energy. Nearly every moment she was awake was spent working on music or travelling to some venue or curating social media posts. She hadn’t seen anyone outside of the band and crew in months. Realizing her new circumstances might make her inaccessible to loved ones in need was a painful reality check.

“I know,” Sakura assured her, trusting in the promise even if it wasn’t practical. “But this really wasn’t a big deal. I figured I just needed a bit of distance, and I was going to have all summer for that. I stayed on campus to help Dr. Shizune with some research, and it was kind of nice having the school and city to myself for a while. I didn’t have to worry about running into Sasuke at the library or while out shopping, until I did run into him on the beach one day.”

“I hope you didn’t literally run into him.”

Sakura laughed. “Of course not! I was looking for a spot to sit and read and suddenly there he was. Apparently his family doesn’t live too far from here, so he and his brother come her to swim sometimes. I don’t think I would’ve noticed him, but he recognized me and decided to say hi.”

“Wait, the guy who was ignoring and avoiding you approached you to say hi?” Ino asked, flipping disinterestedly through the dessert menu.

“I know, it totally caught me off guard! But he was really nice, even though it was a bit awkward. And his brother Itachi was really nice, too. So we chatted for a bit, and we texted each other once in a while after that. When he was visiting town, we’d try and hang out a little, and then we hung out more once the school year started up again, and now we’re officially dating.”

“Hold on, one minute he’s giving you the cold shoulder and now you’re dating? Seems like a dramatic change,” Ino said doubtfully, handing her credit card to their waiter before her best friend could protest about not splitting the bill.

“He wasn’t giving me the cold shoulder.”

“That’s what it sounded like to me.”

“I told you, it’s complicated,” Sakura sighed. “Sasuke is very driven. If he has a goal, he does absolutely everything he can to achieve it. It’s just how his brain is wired. So when I came around and was being super friendly and seemed to always show up where he was trying to get work done, he deemed me a distraction and tried to distance himself so he could focus on school and stuff.”

“He decided friends were a distraction? Seems awfully utilitarian.”

“Not friends.” Sakura shook her head, a blush forming on her cheeks. “Just me.”

“Oh my gosh, he was smitten!” Ino slapped the table in excitement. “This is some Mr. Darcy-level denial! Damn Sakura, you go girl!”

“Ino stop!” she protested, cheeks growing bright red. Despite the embarrassment, she was smiling happily.

“So what changed his mind?”

Sakura shrugged. “I’m not sure exactly. I think part of it was just the timing. We happened to run into each other during the summer when he didn’t have to focus as much on school or work or impressing his father. Plus I think Itachi liked me, and Sasuke puts a lot of value in his brother’s opinion.”

“And now that school’s back in session? I assume you’re not a distraction since you’ve been dating this whole time.”

“I guess not.” She shrugged again, but Ino could see the blush returning.

“Sakura,” she probed as they wove through the other tables to the front door. “You’re keeping something back. Come on, you can’t hide anything from me.”

“I asked him about it when he asked me to be his girlfriend officially, and he told me that everything else was the distraction and...now I am his new goal.”

“Oh my gosh!” Ino squealed. “That’s so cheesy but so romantic!”

“I know!” Sakura hid her embarrassment behind her hands, ears almost as pink as her hair. “He has no flirting ability whatsoever.”

“Good thing you don’t mind cheesy one-liners,” Ino laughed, pulling her best friend into a hug on the sidewalk. “I’m really happy for you.”

“Thanks.” She felt the joy radiating off of her, seeping into her own body and dispelling the simmering jealousy with love.

“So, do I get to meet him today? You’d better be bringing him to the show.”

“No, unfortunately,” Sakura sighed, pulling out of the embrace. “He has to help his family this weekend.”

“Bummer,” she pouted. “You have to promise I’ll get to meet him before you two get engaged.”

“Okay,” Sakura laughed. “Do you have much time before the show? There’s a great ice cream stand on the beach. We could grab some dessert.”

“Yeah, I should have time,” she confirmed. “Just let me update Asuma. He likes to know where we are in case anything happens.”

“Makes sense.” Her best friend linked their arms and leaned over her shoulder as she sent the text to her manager. If it was anyone else, Ino would consider it nosy. Instead she opened her camera in selfie mode so they could snap a pic together making silly faces.

“Come on,” Sakura chuckled, pulling her along with their linked elbows. “You listened to me jabber all through lunch. It’s your turn! What’s new with you, besides conquering the world as a chart-topping musician and fashion icon?”

She shrugged. “Not much.”

“Come on,” Sakura sighed,”you’ve been on the road for months and have nothing interesting to report?”

“Not really. It’s a lot of the same stuff every day--arrive at the next show’s city, maybe do an interview, practice with the band, write music, do the show, and then hit the road. It doesn’t leave much time for anything interesting.”

“But you get to travel all over the place and meet other musicians and famous people!”

“The famous people part rarely happens. We’re not at the level of fame to be recognizable. Like I’m not getting swarmed right now by fans so it’s not a big deal if we land a few late night interviews. People will forget who we are as soon as we leave the set. Which is fine, because my life still has a semblance of normalcy. I can go to the grocery store or have lunch with my best friend without worrying about paparazzi. I’m just so busy that I rarely get to do such things.”

“It sounds complicated,” Sakura observed, studying her friend’s face.

“It’s just the way things are.” Ino smiled to reassure her.

“How are Shikamaru and Chouji handling it?”

“They’re pretty much the same. Lazy, of course, but I think part of that is intentional. It’s part of their public personas. I don’t get it, but it seems to work for the fans. There’s always a crowd of girls screaming hysterically for them at every show.”

Sakura chuckled as they stopped at an ice cream stand, pulling her friend into the line.

“And what about you? Are there swarms of boys begging to see you every night?”

“There’s always a few, and sometimes some girls, too.”

“Really?”

“Mhm.”

“Look at you playing to both sides,” Sakura snickered.

“Hey, I can’t help it if I’m just so hot that everyone wants a piece of me.”

“Whoa there tiger, we’d better get you some ice cream to cool you down. What do you want?”

This time Sakura snuck her money to the cashier before Ino could. She protested a little but Sakura was already handing her the ice cream, and she had to stop arguing to eat it before it melted.

They wandered onto the sand, enjoying the sweet treat and beautiful weather. The sun danced on the lake, fracturing its reflection into diamonds while boats bobbed and seagulls wheeled through the air. The sound of waves whispering on the sand and happy voices murmured in the air. It really was a lovely day.

“Y’know, I think Sasuke’s a bad influence,” she mused. “‘We’d better get you some ice cream to cool you down’? Terrible.”

Sakura laughed, loud and carefree.

“It was wasn’t it?” she chuckled. “But really, between Sasuke and Naruto, can you blame me? They’re both hopeless at flirting.”

“And somehow they’ve both got girlfriends now. Isn’t life strange.”

“Maybe all girls secretly like cheesy pickup lines,” Sakura mused around a mouthful of ice cream.

“Or maybe we take pity on guys for being brave enough to use one.”

“Do your fans every give you silly pickup lines?”

“Nah. I can usually tell which ones want to flirt and which ones are simply fans. I find it’s best to avoid the former.”

“Would you ever consider dating a fan?”

“Nooo,” she groaned. “I mean, whoever I date would have to like our music, but I think it’s a little creepy for a person to pursue someone just because they really like what he or she does for a living. The band is just a small part of who I am, y’know?”

“But what if he’s genuinely a nice guy?”

“I can’t,” Ino declared firmly. “If I open up that possibility, I’d have to consider every fan begging me for a date, and I can’t do that. I need a boundary between my personal life and my professional one, for myself and whoever I might end up with.”

“It’s going to be hard to find someone with how much success the band’s having,” Sakura murmured gently. Ino could feel a hint of pity in her words. She didn’t want to be pitied.

“It’s just a little more complicated,” she said brightly, brushing her fringe back into place with her fingers. “But I’ll figure it out.”

“You will,” her best friend agreed with the total confidence of someone with complete faith in making her dreams a reality.

“I suppose it’s good we haven’t really made it big yet,” Ino used. “If I do meet someone, he’s not likely to be obsessed with me already.”

“True,” Sakura agreed. “And you won’t have to worry about gossip magazines or paparazzi scaring him away.”

“Hopefully not, though those photographers can be pretty sneaky. Take, for example, the camera that’s been trialing us since our ice cream stop.”

Sakura’s eyes widened a little in surprise. “What?”

“Mhm,” she hummed, crunching the last bite of ice cream cone.

“Where?”

“Sakura, don’t look for him! Either you’ll scare him off before I can yell at him, or he’ll take the acknowledgment as permission to set up a mini photo shoot right now. Just act normal.”

“I totally didn’t notice anyone,” Sakura whispered, trying to resist her curiosity to look around.

“Shikamaru has the best paparazzi radar, but I’m getting pretty good at spotting them,” she replied with just a smidgen of self-pride.

“So if we’re not supposed to look at them, what do we do? Try and shake them off?”

“If I’m doing something super boring I just ignore them until they go away. Knowing my coffee order usually isn’t tantalizing enough for their magazines to sell. But sometimes I do confront them and put the fear of Asuma into them.”

Sakura laughed at the thought of her friend’s laid-back manager being enough of a threat to scare anyone.

“Which will it be this time?”

“Come here.” Ino led the way to a pile of rocks wedged into the sand. The bank at this end of the beach started rising, eventually turning into a cliff. Several college kids were diving off the rock with shrieks of joy. There were fewer people at this end of the shore, which decreased the likelihood of her cover being blown when she confronted the paparazzi.

“Just relax. We’re going to lure him in,” she instructed, leaning back on her hands. She tried focusing on the warmth of the sun and ignoring the adrenaline building in anticipation of the confrontation, but she couldn’t keep a smirk from her lips. She rarely dealt with paparazzi on her own as usually her bandmates and Asuma were with her, but Kurenai regularly met with all of them to go over how to proceed. The guy following her today looked young, probably an enthusiastic new journalism graduate who couldn’t land a job at a reputable news company. She almost felt bad for the chewing out she was preparing for him.

“That’s a cute shirt,” Sakura observed as she finished off her ice cream.

“Thanks. It was a birthday gift from my mom.”

“She actually bought you a crop top? Willingly?”

“Apparently she has no issue with them now that I’m an independent adult. Plus they’re a trademark of my personal style. I think she’s admitted defeat in her efforts to keep me away from them.”

“Excuse me.”

Ino was surprised by the polite voice. She hadn’t noticed anyone approach, which was impressive considering she was on alert waiting for the photographer to come nearer.

“You!” she gasped, realizing it was, in fact, the very guy she had been waiting to ambush. Seeing him up close, he really was young. Maybe he was just an intern.

“Would you mind if I take your picture?”

“What?” She couldn’t believe the presumptuousness of this guy! His polite smile didn’t waver. Was he really acting like he hadn’t been stalking them, sneakily snapping pictures for the past several minutes?

“Yes I do mind!” she cried, rallying through her surprise to stalk as intimidatingly as she could across the sand to him. “I know you’ve already been taking pictures of us. You think I’m unfamiliar with dealing with paparazzi? I know exactly what you’re doing!”

“Ino-” Sakura began, but she wasn’t going to let her friend’s politeness stop her now that she’d started. She really wanted to see that guy’s unwavering smile crumble.

“No, I may be familiar with jerks snapping pictures of me everywhere I go, but you definitely didn’t sign up for this! And we have an exclusive agreement with the Hidden Leaf Times for all media coverage, so unless you produce proof that you’re working with them, which I doubt since this is such a shady way of getting content, you need to hand over all of those pictures you’ve taken and leave.”

“I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

It was unbelievable. That smile didn’t move. Did he think this was funny? Did he enjoy being this rude?

“Oh really? How about I get my publicity manager on the phone so she can explain in detail all of the legal violations we’re going to smack on you.”

“Hang on-” Sakura tried again, but Ino ignored her.

“And then I’ll call our connection at the Times so they can come after you. What right do you have to invade a person’s privacy by following them to sneak pictures and then pretend you’re innocent and ask for permission after the fact?”

“Ino!” Sakura grabbed the phone from her hand. “He’s not paparazzi!”

“What do you mean?” she snapped.

“He’s just a photography student from the university! Hinata’s had a few classes with him.”

Ino blinked at her friend for a moment, registering the laughter in her green eyes.

“It’s true,” the boy agreed. He still had that grin plastered on his face, but his eyebrows had edged up to indicate bemused confusion. “I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Ino, this is Sai,” Sakura introduced. “Sai, this is my friend Ino. She’s the lead singer and guitarist of The InoShikaCho Formation. They’re performing tonight at Hokage Pier.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he smiled. Ino wasn’t quite ready to make friends, though.

“If you’re not paparazzi, then why were you following us taking pictures?”

“I was practicing,” he claimed innocently. “My teachers are always telling us to take any opportunity we can to improve our skills.”

“Shouldn’t you ask for permission before you take pictures of someone, even if it’s just practice?”

“I’ve heard it can be better to ask for forgiveness after the fact than for initial permission.”

She didn’t understand this guy. No matter what questions she threw at him, his smile never wavered. It was annoying. But the more she looked at it and studied his face, the more she believed him.

“But why follow us? Surely it’d be better to practice with a variety of subjects.”

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve seen all day.”

“Wha...Huh?” Ino stammered. Sai blinked at her, smiling innocently. Was he being genuine? Sakura snickered behind her.

“What the heck!” she cried, feeling flustered. The prick of heat in her cheeks told her she was blushing. “You can’t just say that to someone you just met!”

“But I’ve been told that honesty is the best policy.”

She could only blink at him, dumbfounded, blush growing deeper. How was she supposed to respond to this? Was he just being smooth, or did he genuinely think she was beautiful? She couldn’t tell what he was thinking behind that charming smile.

“Say cheese,” he instructed, quickly bringing his camera up to snap a picture of her bewildered face.

“H-hey!” she stammered. “I never gave you permission!”

“Sorry, but if I always waited for permission, I’d miss too many perfect shots.”

She didn’t know why his words made her feel warm all over, but they did. Before she could gather her wits and come up with a reply, Sakura handed her back her phone.

“Shikamaru’s calling you.”

“Yeah?” she answered, eyes still glancing at Sai.

“It’s nearly time for rehearsal. Where are you?”

“At the beach with Sakura. Sorry, I must’ve lost track of time.”

“Do you need us to send a car to pick you up?”

“No, I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

“Okay, see you soon.”

“I have to get going,” she told Sakura, slipping her phone back into her purse. “I’ll see you later tonight.”

“I’ll be there,” her best friend promised, giving her a big hug.

“And you,” she said, rounding on Sai. “You can keep those pictures as long as you don’t post them on social media. And you have to give me a copy of all of them.”

“Works for me. Can I get your phone number or email then?”

Ino fought against another blush.

“Just give them to Sakura. She’ll get them to me. I have to go.”

“It was a pleasure to meet you, beautiful,” he smiled.

“Yeah,” she mumbled, turning and hurrying away before she lost her composure in another flustered blush.

-----

A few weeks later, Ino lay sprawled in her bunk on the tour bus scrolling through a folder of pictures. She had been surprised to see Sai again at the concert that evening. It turned out he was interning at the Hidden Leaf Times for the summer and was one of the photographers they sent to cover the band’s time in Konoha. They hadn’t interacted much, but Ino had been hyper-aware of his presence throughout their interview with the paper and the concert.

True to his word, he had passed on all of the pictures he’d taken both at the beach and Hokage Pier to Sakura, who in turn emailed them to Ino. She had to admit, he had a good eye. She found herself scrolling through the pictures a lot, not because she loved how she looked in them (though they were all pretty flattering), but because they were just that good. She thought she had a good sense of composition, framing, and lighting, but Sai seemed to have some deeper knowledge that elevated his work to art.

She’d used a few of the shots for social media posts, careful to credit him. She’d learned from Sakura that he didn’t have social media, but he did have a small photography website, so she linked to it at the bottom of each image. Sometimes when she was bored she’d check his website to see if he’d posted any new pictures. It was her way of keeping tabs on what he was doing without being obvious and bugging Sakura to tell her about him.

It was weird. She didn’t know him at all, and the fact that he’d followed her along the beach still gave her paparazzi vibes, but she couldn’t get him out of her head.

She opened a new window in her browser and logged in to her email. She found a draft that she’d started nearly a week ago and read through it.

Dear Sai,

Thank you for the photographs of our performance. The band was impressed by their quality! I hope you don’t mind, but we’ve used a few for our social media posts. We were sure to credit you and link to your website. We probably should have asked permission first, but since you’re fond of taking opportunities as they come and asking forgiveness later, I figured you’d be okay with this. If I was mistaken, let us know so we can take down the pictures.

I don’t know if you are aware, but our band is nearly finished recording our second album, and it’s time to start considering the design elements that will go into it. We don’t yet have a photographer for the booklet and album art. We were all so impressed with your work at the concert, we’d like to offer you the opportunity. I know you’ll be returning to school this fall, but once our tour’s over, our time will be more flexible, and I’m sure an agreeable arrangement could be made. Are you interested? Let me know.

All the best,

Ino Yamanaka

She reread the text a few more times, even though she nearly had it memorized. Technically the band hadn’t decided to ask Sai to be their photographer, but the few times she’d mentioned it, everyone else had been open to the possibility. She was confident she’d be able to get them to agree if Sai said yes.

She debated a few moments on whether to add her phone number, chewing her lip. That was the biggest reason she hadn’t already sent the email. She’d denied him her contact information at the beach; why should she give it to him now? But now they were discussing business arrangements. It’d be a little rude to withhold it...right?

With the sense that she was doing something risky, she quickly typed her number beneath her name and hit send, trying not to squeal. She was being so silly! All she’d done was extend a business invitation to another professional (even though he was technically still in school and may or may not have a photography license), yet she felt giddy like a little girl.

She closed her laptop and rolled out of her bunk, stretching a little. Maybe she’d go play Mario Kart with her bandmates to distract herself. Turning towards the common room, her phone pinged to alert her of a new notification.

Her heart jumped when she saw it was a new email. Sai had already replied! Why had he done so so quickly? Was he mad they’d used his pictures? With some trepidation, she opened the message.

Dear Ino,

I’m glad you liked the photographs. I do think they’re some of my best so far, though half of the quality comes from the subject being photographed. You and the band made my work far easier, and the results wouldn’t have been as good without you.

I’d be happy to work with you on the photographs for your next album. Perhaps we could meet to discuss your ideas. I know you’ll be in Suna next Thursday. Shall we meet for lunch? I’ll call you to work out the details.

Kind regards,

Sai

Ino bit her thumb to keep back the happy squeals that were trying to climb up her throat for some reason. He’d included his own phone number, which she saved to her contacts. Then she reread his message, paying special attention to his postscript.

P. S. I hope you come prepared with your beautiful smile. I’ll bring my camera with me.

It was a strange note to include, but it made her cheeks warm. Maybe he was flirting with her. She shook her head, trying to brush off the thought. No, they were simply going to discuss business, even if it was going to be over lunch and he was specifically calling her to arrange it. She could tell him to call Kurenai or Asuma instead, but she was capable of arranging a meeting on behalf of the band by herself. And if she happened to schedule it when only she was available, surely they’d trust her to represent them all.

She brushed her long hair over her shoulder and turned up the volume slightly on her phone before turning again toward the common room, grinning and excited for whatever was coming next.

#gizka #my words #yamanaka ino #inoweek2019 #naruto #haruno sakura #sai #saiino #band au #university au #nara shikamaru #inoshikacho #akimichi chouji #sarutobi asuma #yuuhi kurenai

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captainsbabysitter-blog · 7 years

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On a Whim

Hey, so! I finally finished my BenKaru fic I’ve been working on for the last couple weeks. I’ve developed a ridiculous love of these two idiots, and I have a couple headcanon posts in the works for later.

Not even close to beta’d, sooo... Mistakes are all mine.

Summary: Hikaru goes to Yorktown for a week before starting at Starfleet Academy. He’s never been and wants to see what all the fuss is about, not expecting to fall in love with both the station and a certain botanist that lives there.

Rating: Uh... I’d say it’s pretty safe, but I’ll say teen? I’m awful at giving ratings unless it’s explicit.

Length: 2065 words

Tag List: @mccoymostly @thevalesofanduin @emmkolenn @thinkwritexpress-official (see my post tagged as ‘tag list’ and add yourself if you’d like to be kept in the loop!)

Honestly, Sulu wasn’t sure what to expect when he finally docked in Yorktown. Curiosity had driven him to explore the giant man-made station, and just the look of it from the outside had been impressive. He looked around a bit and was suddenly aware of how extremely unprepared he was for the whole trip.

He hadn’t prepared anything beyond a week’s worth of clothing and enough credits loaded on his chip to figure things out as he went. Starfleet Academy was waiting for him after his stay, and after that who knew?

The first thing to catch his eye was a tour of the botany labs. Plants had always fascinated him, and seeing as the labs in Yorktown made the entire project possible, he wanted to see how it worked. He wandered into the tour group being led by one of the scientists.

Hikaru paused when he finally got a good look at the man in the lab coat. Definitely attractive, a little older than him, maybe, but he’d always had a thing for older men. If asked later, he wouldn’t be able to relay a single bit of information about the labs, its plants, or the system the dispersed oxygen throughout the station. What he could tell you was that the scientist- Ben Jung (Hikaru asked)- had a steady, bright gaze and his lips quirked up into a little half smile any time he was asked a particularly interesting question. He could tell you that the passion in his voice as he explained why each species of plan was chosen for the project was unmatched by any teacher he had experienced until that point. He could tell you he was smitten before the tour finished.

With so little to lose, Sulu decided to hang back and after everyone else left. He slid up next to Ben with what he hoped was one of his nicer smiles.

“Hey, so… I wanted to know if you wanted to grab a drink with me when you’re off work?” Direct was best. No point in waffling.

Ben gave a surprised blink, but took a moment to run his eyes over Hikaru’s trim form. It seemed like an eternity as Sulu waited for his response, but really it was only a few seconds. “Alright. There’s a place down the street called The Great Lost Bear. Meet me there at 7?”

“It’s a date,” Sulu grinned. He had a few hours to find a hotel and get ready. The clock couldn’t tick by fast enough.

~*~*~

Sulu was already waiting at the bar when Ben walked through the door closer to 7:30. The lab coat had been shed, and left the deep purple button up and black slacks to hug his form just enough to be enticing. The tie from earlier was missing now as well. Hikaru noticed in an instant that Ben had chosen to undo the first couple buttons and roll up the sleeves, leaving peeks of collarbone and the length of his forearms visible. Sulu waved him over with a smile.

“Wasn’t sure if you’d actually show up,” he admitted.

Ben slid onto a school and ordered himself a scotch over ice. “One of our interns learned the hard way she’s allergic to hipecat excretions.”

“That’s in… Pretty much everything, isn’t it? How’d she get this far without finding that out?”

“No idea. When I was in school, it was one of the first experiments we did.” Ben made a bit of a face, his nose scrunched a little as he thought that through for a moment. “Then again, it’s been a while since I was in my first year of school.”

“Can’t have been that long ago. It’s not like you’re ancient or anything.” That little twitch of Ben’s lips might as well be a 100-watt smile to Hikaru. He felt a minute flutter in his chest at the sight.

“And how old do you think I am?”

“I don’t know… Thirty, tops?”

“Thirty-two. Not far off.” Ben took a sip of his drink as he took a moment to appraise Hikaru before he added, “And you look like you can’t be older than twenty-five.”

“Twenty-four.” He shrugged off the difference.

“What made you approach me?”

“I went on the tour because I thought you were hot. I stuck around because I liked listening to you talk about the plants even if I couldn’t tell you a single thing you discussed since I was too distracted watching you talk. I’m here for a week, have nothing to lose, and figured why not ask you out for a drink and see where it goes.”

That warranted a raised brow. “So this is a fling for you.”

“Doesn’t have to be. I’m here for a week because I start academy life on Monday. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be willing to try the distance thing.”

That seemed to relax the atmosphere a bit and the two spent the rest of the night drinking and getting to know each other. By the time Hikaru’s walking Ben home, he’s almost certain that he’s smitten. He leaned in to give Ben a quick, chaste kiss goodnight and was surprised he was hauled inside for something a bit more searing. His hotel room remained empty the rest of the week, and he checked out after the second night.

Their days were spent in the botany labs; Ben working and Hikaru acting as his assistant. The whole process of the plants simultaneously producing food and oxygen, acting as water filtration via the hydroponics tanks, and a slew of other things all in a single facility headed by Ben and a few other scientists was mind-blowing. If it weren’t for the fact that his true love lay in tactics and piloting, Hikaru would be tempted to switch to the sciences.

Their nights were spent with more physical pursuits. Despite somewhat frequent jokes about Ben being an old man, they were extremely compatible in the bedroom. All in all, Sulu had to admit it was the best vacation he’s ever had.

Before he knew it, the week was through, and it was time for Ben to see him off at the shuttle port. They stood facing each other in silence for a few moments before Ben took the initiative and gave him one more kiss.

“I left my com number in your PADD,” Ben murmured. “Let me know when you land.”

~*~*~

What started as a casual fling during vacation turned into something more serious. Daily messages complaining about classes and professors or giving updates on new plant species and the progress of Ben’s experiments were consistent, and they tried to squeeze in at least one video call a week.

After nearly three months of this, Hikaru watched as Ben sorted through his notes from the day during their weekly video call and decided to toss in, “You know we should get married.”

Ben’s head jerked back to the screen, a loud bang telling Hikaru the man likely cracked his knee on the desk. Several soft curses were followed by him turning an exasperated look Sulu’s way. “What?”

“Get married. We should do that.”

“Hikaru…”

“Think about it. I’ve wormed my way in, and I sure as hell love you. Why shouldn’t we?”

“Because we’ve spent a single week physically together and three months of com messages and calls are hardly a strong basis for a marriage. You’re being ridiculous.” He pinched the bridge of his nose against an oncoming headache.

“Well I’m going back to Yorktown to see you in a few weeks, right? I’m just going to ask you again.” He watched as Ben leaned over and typed something into the screen of his personal PADD. “What are you doing? Adding something to that pro/con list I’m not supposed to know about?”

“Mmhmm…”

“Wanna tell me which column that was in?”

“I don’t think I do, no,” his voice took on an amused tone. “So which day and at what time are you arriving?”

“Let me check,” Hikaru hummed softly to himself as he searched through his emails for the shuttle information. “I should be landing in Yorktown on the 21st at around 0900. Are you meeting me, or should I let myself into your place and sit there looking pretty until you get home?”

“I’m taking the day off,” he replied absently as he typed the date into his own calendar. “I need to cut tonight’s call short. I can call you in the morning if you’re not too busy?”

“I’m ahead of my work, and I don’t have class until sometime in the afternoon so yeah. Just call me when you’re free.” A concerned frown tugged at the corners of his lips. “Anything wrong?”

“No, I just have a few other calls I need to make. I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

He somehow doubted it was so simple, but instead of asking more questions he just nodded, “Aright. Love you.”

“You, too.” That little twitch of a smile eased Sulu’s nerves a little.

~*~*~

In retrospect, Hikaru should have pushed the point. When Ben called back the next morning, he looked like he hadn’t slept a wink and the first words out of Sulu’s mouth were something along the lines of, “Well you look like shit.”

The grimace he received as a response was all he needed to backpedal a little. “What’s going on? Something happen at the lab last night?”

“No, nothing at the lab,” there’s a pause as Ben works through his response. He looked completely exhausted. “I’ve told you about Derek?”

Well this can’t be good. “Your ex, yeah. What about him?”

“We were getting ready to be parents when we broke things off. When we split, we agreed he would take the baby when she was born and last night I got a call from the surrogate. He backed out earlier this week.”

“So… What does that mean for you?”

“It means I’ve decided I’m taking her instead.” He looked nervous despite the certainty in his voice. “I… Wanted to tell you that she’ll likely be born before you get here. In case you wanted to change your plans, that is.”

Sulu’s face scrunched a little in confusion. He leaned forward to rest his chin in his hand and inspected his boyfriend for a few moments. “Why would I change my plans?”

“You signed up for a boyfriend, not a newborn.”

“Yeah, and I’m pretty sure I asked you to marry me yesterday.”

Ben’s eyes rolled, but he looked a lot more relaxed. “Because you’re a reckless idiot who does things on a whim.”

“Haven’t regretted a decision yet,” he countered before turning back to the subject at hand. “So a baby girl, huh? What’re you naming her? What about baby stuff? I don’t know a lot about babies, but I know they need a crib and strollers and all that stuff.”

“Hence why I look like shit. I was up most of last night emptying my spare room, and I need to find time to get it ready because she’s due in two weeks but who knows when she’ll actually arrive. Could be tomorrow with my luck.”

They discussed the ins and outs of what would and wouldn’t happen during the next visit for the next few hours. They also ran through how much a part of Demora’s (Ben knew right away he wanted to name her for his mother) life Hikaru would be in the beginning; the relationship was still new, and Ben wanted to be cautious, but Hikaru just shrugged it off. He could play parent or fun uncle or whatever Ben needed.

Sulu finally had to hang up to head to class, and walked through the campus with more than his fair share of reservations. He’d never been around babies in any real capacity before and he didn’t want to screw everything up. True to his nature, he finally shrugged it off and made a few last minute (definitely on a whim) alterations to his plans before settling into his seat for battle tactics.

Less than a week later, Ben answered the door when it buzzed to find Hikaru standing on his doorstep a few weeks ahead of schedule. The cadet offered him a grin and wiggled a large box at him, “I brought you baby stuff. Let’s get that room ready.”

#benkaru #hikaru sulu #ben sulu #mentions of demora #tia writes

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thesecretlifeofkelseybeatty · 8 years

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Life on Standby - Brenden Daze,

Life on standby.

August 1st 2010

We have 23 days left until school starts and I don't know weather to be excited, or discouraged. I don't want to be a sophomore. At all. Time is slipping by too fast. I wish i could pause everything once in awhile.

i feel like i need to become a more entergetic person. Live and love life more, ya know? I think I'm going to ask the doctor about some medicine again, and just see what she says. Dang it. That's tomorrow D: Ugh.

Okay so today Brooke and I had a much needed get together today. Mom and I went to go pick her up. It was pretty much a silent car ride so she after we got out of the car she asked why. I told her about the night before and how Ryan got caught and everything. Not everything everything, just the nesceties. We were going to ride our bikes to the pool so we decided to get changed. She went into the bathroom, and my mom walked in the room. She started cring and hugged me. I felt so bad for her. I love her so much. Later that day me and Brooke went to the Greenleaf Village Pool, bike rode to Cold Stone and then rode to CVS and sat on their floor and looked at magazines for about an hour. It was relaxing…. this reminds me. I need to bring that Cold Stone Guy his $1.68 back. Crapppp, I need to do that tomorrow. Anyyyyways, then I went to soccer, and Lauren came over. I didn't tell her about Ryan.

Later tonight Tanner was texting me and then eventually just called me. I guess he heard from Caitlyn Mcquin that I 'liked' Andrew Combs for awhile and he was asking me if I liked bad boys.. I told him that I used to. But that I was really happy that Brenden wasn't like that because I was trying to turn over a new leaf. I told him about Cory, and how much of a douche he was, and how he tried to force me into doing stuff with him. I told Tanner that I was glad that Brenden wasn't like that. He asked what all I had done, and I told him. He said he wouldn't tell Brenden though. He said that Brenden had a lot of doubts if I actually liked him or not. I told him I would reasure him. Cause I honestly do like him a lot. I feel like me and him were kinda put on this path for a reason. Like with the whole birthday thing, the dog thing, the Felix/Yannik thing. God has some kind of plan. I can feel it already. As for the whole me and him kissing thing, I just told Tanner that if it happens then it happens. That I kind of want to wait and get to know him better but it's whatever if we don't. And then Tanner told me something really interesting. He said that I should talk to Brenden about everything that I've done with guys and like my past and all. Because apparently Brenden has been through some crap too. Which oh my lord, I freaking have telepathy because I was just telling Brooke that I thought he was hiding something. Apparently Brenden had been involved with a court hearing that went on for over a year ? He didn't tell me a lot about it. And honestly I'm glad he didn't I want to hear the real story from Brenden. Ha, Tanner is such a good friend. He is always looking out for people. And always knows exactly what to say. That kid's pretty great if I do say so myself.

I hope Brenden's not doing anything tomorrow because at this point I really want him to come over. I hope he can come in my room. Haha. I don't know why that's such a big deal to me.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 3rd 2010

I chickened out at the doctors office the other day. I don't know why. My doctor is just kind of intimidating, I guess. I was just glad that I didn't have to get any shots. Thank Jesuss. Oh, and Cold Stone. Ugh. I forgot about that too. I bet that guy thinks that me and Brooke just ran for it. Haha, he was such a weird guy though. I really hope when we eventually do pay him back then I don't have to give the money to the fat flirt. Hm, that's mean. I probably shouldn't say that. I really am such a bitch these days.. ? Okay so after the doctor today me and my dad went out for lunch at Frishes, it was really nice. And needed. I really do love him. It just always feels like he is so consumed with Ryan and his life that he sometimes forgets about the rest of us. I honestly hope that we can become close. I mean everyone has their faults, but my dad really is a cool guy. When my mom got home from work we went and picked up Jenny and Lindsay to go boating with Megan and her dad at Ceasers Creek. Alyssa, Megan, Jenny, Lindsay Brydon, and me all went. Tubing is so much fun, but I got a lot of bruises from it today. Ha, Brenden went to the Scream the Prayer concert tonight, and he said that when he was moshing he thinks that he might have broken some kids nose. Ha, poor kid! I would be so pissed at him, but apparently he was really cool about it. I think it's weird that he saw Erica there and she didn't even talk to him. I really wonder why she's so different online than she is in person. I should text her. Anyways, it's 12:06 and I gotta work tomorrow, sooo I'm thinking that I should probably go to bed now. Brenden's coming over tomorrow too, (: Hopefully I can talk to him.. about everything.. well see though.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 4, 2010

I went to work, and got my eyes dilated today, Brenden didn't come over. I'm to tired to write anything else.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 5th, 2010

t's really annoying when you get off work early but you can't go home, and you can't go to Barenes and Noble and you forgot your phone at home and there's nothing better to do than sit in the car and write about nonsense. Oh well. Apparently were getting a cat today? Well, not we, more like Ryan is, but still! A cat :D He wants to name it Brenden.. and the cat is a girl. Hahaha. What a werido. I really like Hannah Combs, she like for real inspirational. She makes me want to do something great with my life. Honestly, I think I want to start designing clothes. Sewing is so theripuitical, I love it. And honestly this is something that I've wanted to do since I was like in the second grade when I cut up these once jeans and decided to make a purse out of it. I don't know. I'm gonna see if Debbie could help me make a homecoming dress, that would be the start (: And I need to re-learn how to start my mom's sewing machine so I can actually do some work at the house too. We'll see. I feel like in every entry there is always something about Brenden. Wow, I'm kind of a creep. You would think that we have been dating for years or something. But no, I just fall hard. Really hard. And even though I hate to admit it, I am a creep. It's actually kind of sad. I need to go to the library today. I want to see if they actually have CD's that I would like there. Omg, and if they do the library will soon become my new favorite place. / I need to finish The Catcher And The Rye. That book honestly freaks me out. It reminds me of Ryan's life a little bit. I feel like it helps me understand how guys react when they are depressed. They'll never admit it. They just run from it. Holden and Ryan have that in common. I've been mean to him lately. I should start trying again. I love that kid.. Mom's here. Were going to Staup to get school clothes. Mmm.

Laterrr;

I was looking through my mothers text messages today. It was random. I wasn't really snooping just bored and that was something to do. But I found text messages from Avery to my mom. She said that Ryan was speeding the night at Kevin Kash's. He never even goes over there. I think it's kinda sad that Avery can straight up lie to my mother. I don't know. I'd probably do the same thing if I had their lives.

August 6th 2010

I hate texting, with so much passion.. I never know what to say and then i always make these weird awkward long pauses, and i feel like I'm such an idiot. Well I guess i kinda am for making such a simple thing such a big deal though.. I don't know. Honestly though, I think me and Brenden have something, and I'm really just afraid I'm going to jack it up. I really don't want to jack it up. Why in the world would he like someone like me? I truly just do not understand. Anyways though, I guess a lot of things have happened since the last time that I updated you. We got the cat (: Her name is Cat.. very original right isn't it? No. Actually she was already named when we got her so Ryan just wanted to keep the name. Oh, and the other thing that I just wanted to state. The whole michael incident.

August 7th 2010

I really don't know what God wants. He lied to me. Would he lie to me again? I'm confused, so freaking confused. I thought he was a good kid. I thought he was going to be different one, the one who made me a good kid again. He asked me tonight if me knowing about his past changed anything. I just told him it only made it better. Why would I say that. Why in the world would I tell him that. This changes everything. I don't even know if I want to like him anymore.. I hate this whole deciding free will crap. I really don't know what God wants for me. Does he want me to stay with Brenden and just be there for him and try to help him? Or does he want me to dropkick him to the curb just so that he knows I'm fully devoted to him. ? I don't know… I told Brenden he could trust me, so I 'm not going to even say what he did. I'll keep it to myself. I really don't even know how I feel right now, or where I stand. I don't even think he likes me anyways. ):

Oh, and I puked again tonight. Right before he came over. Joy.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 8th 2010

I really hate myself so much. I don't know why I think and act like I'm such an angel all the time. I'm not at all. Atleast Ryan can be trusted. At least he doesn't lie to his friends just to take anvangtage of someone. I really hate myself so much. I'm a psychopathic lier and I can't be trusted. Why would I do that to someone who I love so much. I'm such a jerk. I don't deserve to be able to talk to him. I guess it's every person for themselves. I can't trust, and I can't be trusted. I'm going to keep brenden's secret. And if I don't. Then I don't deserve him or anyone else anyways.

I need to tell Brenden the truth about my past. The truth about Felix, the truth about everything. I don't know if I can. I don't even know if I know the real truth I've lied so many times.

it was only three months and a half months. He came at the end of August, left in the middle of November. That was the worst Thanksgiving I have ever had. When I first saw him I automatically knew that it wasn't a good idea for him to be here. He was 17 and I was only 11. From that very first cookout I knew I would start liking him. A couple weeks after he had been staying here I found out that he was a cutter. I feel like that was one thing that most deffinately brought us closer. We were both depressed out of our minds. We were each others therapy. We didn't even have to talk about what we were depressed about. We would just talk about anything and it would make us feel alive, like we were real people. He made me feel like a real person. I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. He truely ment everything to me. And I'm still not over him. I never want to date anyone else because I feel like it's unfair to them. I'm always comparing them to Felix. Like with Cory. I didn't even like Cory. I just wanted to feel loved again. And even though he said that he loved me, I always knew it was a lie. He just wanted someone to someone to take advantage of. But I was okay with that. I honestly don't think that i will love anyone ever again. It sucks. It really sucks.

Oh my freaking lord, im such a freak.

Later;

Brenden: Hey!

Me: Hey, what's up?

Brenden: Just watching tv, you?

Me: Talking to kelly on the phonee, lol.

Brenden: Lol, did she like dc?

Me: Ha, yeah. She said she'll know for sure weather she's going or not like this week. (:

Brenden: Ha, ok thats cool.

Me: Mhm(:

…

Me: Bleh, okay so I have a question.

Brenden: Yeah?

Me: Do you even like me? Honestly?

Brenden: Are you kidding me? Of course I do. Like really like you, and I mean it. Are you asking this cause of what i told you yesterday? And do you even like me?

Me: Mm, yeah. Lol, I like you a lot. I don't know i just don't want you to feel like you were forced into anything like with everyone else. And idk, everything that you told me yesterday has just been bothering me a lot. I don't know why. I should just get over it.

Brenden: Trust me I wasn't forced into liking you. And :( i'm sorry what exactly has been bothering you? i knew this would change something.

Me: Like im glad you told me just cause i really want us to be honest with each other. (even though im not honest with him) But it just bothers me. I don't even know why. And I'm not trying to judge you. i know it's your past and everything but I just feel like your not completely over it.. Do you think you are?

Brenden: Honestly I do, I haven't been doing any of the stuff i did at all this year. i hope you can trust me. If you don't think we'll work out i'd like to know cause i don't start liking you more then you tell me.

Me: Okay, i trust you. but if your ever going to smoke please just tell me. I don't want to take all the fun out of your life, i just want to know. And honestly i really think that we will, idk. I just have a good feeling about this(:

Brenden: Okay, and i don't plan on smoking i have a reason not to now and i don't need it in my life and i'm glad cause i hope we do:)

The end,

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 15th 2010

"LOSE ANOTHER DAY HERE, LOSE ANOTHER YEAR HERE, IM WITH YOU." I love silverstein so freaking' much. No one even understands. They are so fantastic.

Yep, so at this point i pretty much just got over what happened. Kelly and ryan = hook-up. Great. Ryan is really gross sometimes. Oh well, I only see Kelly like once every month and next time we hangout ryan won't be grounded so it'll all be fine. Okayyyy, so i haven't texted Brenden in like two days. I don't know if thats bad or not. I don't really understand the whole text thing. I don't know what he wants. I don't even know what I want. Ugh, annoyed already. I wanna hangout with him tomorrow. I'm such a nerd. I got a lot of new clothes today:D Platos classt, wet seal, forever 21 anddddd, glitter. it was fun, shopping with Ryan is a lot different than shopping with my mother. Me and Kelly went to Jenny's party today. It was actually really boring. I honestly don't even care about seeing anyone that went to her stupid party. I freaking' hate most the people that go to dc. Everyone there is just so annoying for some reason. I really don't have anything in common with like any of them. It's kinda sad that I'm gonna have to spend the next three years with these people. BLEH, oh well. Honestly if me and Brenden don't work out then I honestly don't think I'll date anyone all of highschool, and frankly i'm cool with that. Like i want me and him to work out, like really bad. But if we don't then it'll be for the better. Then i won't have to deal with getting my heart broken and i won't have to deal with breaking his. It'll same some tears. Ugh, i don't know. Maybe tears are better. I don't know. Ohhhh, my lord. me and kelly went to Apex today. It was sad. I always feel like the biggest a-hole whenever i go to a service there. Like during the end i said the shortest little prayer, 'hey God, I'm sorry." And seriously almost started crying like right in front of Kelly. I wish that I wouldn't get so side tracked all the time.

Like for example the whole Owen thing. And how he was gonna get me the stuff, and then we were gonna go to Alex's house and get it tonight.. And I just feel like such an idiot. Like honestly I just told myself never again and then two days later, I simply don't care anymore. Highschool is going to be hard. I hope that me and Mary are tight next year. i feel like she's a good influence on me. I don't know. i really love her though, no matter what any one else says. I don't care what they say. She's fantastic. It's 2 am. I need some sleep.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 16th 2010

I think it's really weird how I just started listening to silverstein again and how I was thinking about luke and how he doesn't like them at alll, and then the next day luke posts "my two favorite bands are.. yada yada and silverstein sucks.. sorry kelsey beatty. " and he tagged me in it. lol i don't know why but weird crap like that happens to me all the time.I don't know what it is. It's like my mind already knows what's going to happen, and it's just waiting for it. I don't know. Brenden texted me today. I'm glad he did. Hhaha, i think we have this little thing going on to see who can wait it out the longest without texting each other. Ryan has a catscan tomorrow for his arm… not the hand that he broke but the arm that he broke like 3 years ago. Apparently it's like not in the right place or something. I don't really know, but my mom said that he's probably going to have to have surgery on it. I went in his room today and asked him if he would go pick up Ariel so we could hangout. He was with Paul and Rohan.. and his eyes were completely red. Like really? In the middle of the day? I don't understand him. I thought he said he would stop. I guess not… ugh. He is like one of the main reasons why I feel like I haveta refuse to have fun anymore, well him and brenden. Owen texted me the other day and said that he would for sure get me and my friends some booze if we wanted it. I told him yes, and acted like I was completely into it. I know I can't though. I have to much will power not to. Which is good I guess, it's just annoying to see everyone else having fun and I know I can't. (jen ariel avery ryan rohan paul kelly) and that's just everyone who I've been in contact with in the past two days. How freaking' sad. I'm glad I'm not like that. "A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it" I forget who said that, but I really love that quote. Soccer was interesting tonight. Mrs. Orme is seriously the greatest coach, or better yet, person that I think I have ever met. She is sooo freaking' influential. Like all of the talks that she gives just make me want to be a better soccer player, and a better person. She always says that the only reason we are playing soccer is #1 to give the glory to God, and make him be known through our playing. Everything she says just makes me want to give my all during soccer season. But then when it comes down to everything religious I just feel like a terrible person. Honestly, what happened between me and God? I thought this summer would give me time to get closer to Him, read the word and go to church a lot. Instead I have just focused on a ton of other things.. work, soccer, and brenden. I keep telling myself that I really don't want to be bored, but maybe that's what I honestly need the most. Just some time off to be with Him. I don't know though. Whenever I go through these little religious movements I always go too far in the other direction and then end up relapsing instead of slowly progressing. I need some help I feel like.. like someone like melanie or shannon. I don't know. Kelly has been so extremely annoying ever since she came over yesterday. Oh my lord. She can never ever ever be serious about one thing. Honestly I truely think she needs some more medicine or something. I feel like she's the type of person that you can only hangout with like once a month or too and not get sick of, but everyday? Honestly? How can she stand herself every single day? It's confusing to me. Hahah, I just had a flashback to the first time me and Brenden hangout, hahaha. Wendys. lmbo. That was a really funny day. Woe, I'm super off topic. I do that a lot, don't I? Oh well I pulled a muscle at soccer today, my quad. It hurts.. okay anyways RE-CAP. Woke up this morning, went to the pool with ariel, paul and rohan were over, my mom got mad, went to soccer, pulled my quad, went to drug mart, saw brooke there, came home 9pm took a shower, ate dinner, texted brenden, got on the comp, now, going to bed.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 20th 2010

Today was the day that I met Felix for the first time. Four years ago. It was on his birthday. I remember being really excited to meet him, wondering if he would be weird. I remember getting his present, a soccer ball, and a bible. I wonder if he still has it? I really don't know why God did this to me.. I miss him so much. I honestly don't think I'll ever get over this.

August 21 2010

A lot has happened within the last couple days. BUT ariel is here right now..

August 22 2010

It's 2:10am. Ariel is over.

August 23th 2010

Oh myy lord. Okay so everyone's gone now and i actually have some free time to talk about everything that has happened. Ughhhhh. Alright.

Soooo, basically the main highlight of everything right now issues brenden asked me out.. yeah. Haha(: Me and Ariel went over to his house last night and it was really boring until when we left and dan dickerson took us to the linden wall, it was just kinda random and pretty much really just freaked me out, a lot. Like why would he take us to Dayton out of all places. I don't really get it. But whatever, we had nothing else to do so why not. When we were walkingloike over to the wall area these two random kids passed us. Brenden knew them.. Amusing. It was almost ten on a saturday night and they were just riding bikes around dayton. And he knows those kids. Funny stuff. If he used to do all that stuff i really don't know why he would take us down there. I told him it was really sketchy and then we just decided to leave and go to steak and shake. I got a hamburger and ariel got this huge giant thing of cheese fries. And she ate the whole thing. Hhahaha, she was acting like she was so high that night. Like honestly our red-haired creepy waiter even asked her if she was smoking something. And then he asked tanner if he knew a kid named luke cause he looked exactly like him. Haahha, he was creepin like crazy. But honestly it was really awkward and it was fun but you could tell brenden wasn't having that much fun so it made it not really that fun. But then we just came home and watched saw 3 and talked alittle bit, and then my mom came like really early and was just waiting in the drive-way. I told her that I didn't want to… this part is pointless. But then we ended up staying until like 1:30ish and he walked me and ariel outside and then he was like, " sooo I have kinda been wanting to ask you something, like all night. " and i was just like really confused and wanted to know what it was. So i was like " hahha what? " and then he was like " do you want to go out " and then I was like flipping out and was smiling like crazy and was really excited and hugged him and everything and it was really cute. But then like the next day at church it was just like really weird. Cause I feel like we didn't really talk at alll, like he came in late and kelly and ariel were sitting there with me and like the sermon started so i felt like we should probably be quiet and everything… but it was just weird like even afterwards and everything. Like we got begals and I felt like I couldn't even eat them. Like I honestly can't even eat at all in front of him. I don't know what it is. And while i was walking out the door I felt ilke i was just gonna puke and it was really bad. And super awkward and i don't know. I want to be able to be comfortable around him is all. My mind just goes completely blank whenever im around him, I can't stand it. I hope schools not awkward. But I feel like it might be sooo maybe I should like pre-plan what I'm gonna do. Like should I go to his locker? Even though it's in the jounior hall way and I'm all the way in the freshman hall? No, i don't think so. I don't know.

KAY WHATEVER, different subject. Lmao, initiation for soccer was so funny.

August 24th 2010

I annoy the hell out of myself quite often. First day of school! I like most of my classes, except, 4th and 5th period. Them are crapppp. And I didn't see brenden all day except for lunch and then we had art after. He slept like the entire time though. i really honestly think he regrets asking me out. Like to be official or whatever.. i don't know. We'll play it out. Hopefully this gets better.

Me and brenden kissed tonight (:

Lauren was over and it was really awkward at first. We never talk when other people are around us, but if it's just me and him together then everything is fine then. We walked all around the golf course and just talked, it was really nice. Then later whenever he had to leave i made him give me his shirt cause it smelled really good and he changed up in my room, then we went out to his car and hugged.. we were just there like in the moment. His heart was beating so fast. And then I looked up.. and we talked about it, and we kissed. We both suck at kissing. Haha, I hope we get better.

I still miss felix, but I know this is all part of God's plan.. Whatever happens happens.

I think im gonna see if he wants to do that notebook thing though. Lol, I hope he does. I already have a notebook decorated. (:

August 29th 2010

I'M SUCH AN IDIOT. IT'S BEEN 4 FREAKIN' YEARS. GET OVER THIS KID. FML. He jacked me up so much.

September 1, 2010

I wish I was a cool person. It sucks when you spend your whole life trying to create yourself and in the end you hate who you are. I don't know what to do.

I shouldn't have kissed brenden. I was just bored, and he actually does care. This was his first real time kissing a girl. and I wasn't even that into it. I'm a douche bag.. and I really don't deserve him. What the hell is my problem? His heart was beating so fast.. oh my lord, im such a douche bag. WHY AM I MESSING WITH HIS HEART? D: D: D: I'm so selfish… ):

Wow, i never really realized how immature i was until i started 'dating' him. We freaking don't even talk at school. I feel like i can't even talk to anyone, about anything real anymore.

I'm going to do that notebook thing..

I feel so freaking lame lately. Like honestly I don't have any friends at dc, except for brenden, and he's the only one who i avoid. LOSERLOSERLOSER.

09/04/10

Soccer today, middletown christian 7-0 (: whoot whoot. Brenden came.. hahaha he is seriously such a good boyfriend. I need to try harder for him..

09/06/10

We just got back from vacation! (:

we went to athens. brenden me avery ryan mom dad paul brenna and their parents.

It was close to a 2 hour drive up there. I like holding his hand. He freaking tells me everything about his life, and what does he get in return? Nothing. I'm an idiot. I need to tell him about felix, and just the truth. I want him to know the real me. I want him to like me for me. I like him for him. I really do like him. I'm actually really excited about our relationship. I just want us to be cooler at school. I think im finally over felix. Honestly this time. i was in love with him, but that was then, and he's never going to come back into my life again so i need to get over it because God has better plans. I was acting all depressed when I told brenden that I couldn't tell him what had happened, my " dirty laundry " or whatever. I think he thinks I was like a slut with cory or something. I don't mean to be deceiving to him, i just always get depressed whoever I think about him. I need to stop thinking about him is all. I wonder if I ever will tell brenden about felix..

09/12/10

My mom and dad went out to this one party last night. They said all the kids had to get out of the house cause avery and brenden were both over. So my parents kicked us out and I finally got to drive alone with him in his car. Haha. It was fun. We ended up going to his work and seeing the dirt bike place behind it. It looked sweet. He had a bunch of scabs all over his knuckles, I asked him what they were from. He told me that he got them at work and i said it looked like he punched something. Later on we went to bares and knobles and just looked around and talked and whatnot. We got some books and then went and sat down. I sat on his lap and he eventually got the whole felix nonsense out of me.. He doesn't know about the part were i fell in love with him yet, but I'll eventually tell him.. hopefully. I told him about the bulimic thing.. but not about the cutting… eventually it will come out. I think he might think that like felix for real raped me or something though? Cause I like tried to explain everything but Im not really sure if it came out right. And cause after I told him about the felix thing, he just turned his head to the side and said that he felt like he should punch something. I guess it was good to tell him, but i don't want him getting mad. I think it's weird how when people get sad or something bad happens they just decide to punch something. I don't get angry like that, it's just kinda odd for me. But then this morning we went to church. My whole family went except for ryan and then his mom and friend jeremy went. I don't think jeremy likes me very much. He always just gives me a look like he hates me… i honestly could care less though. Ha, i think it's actually pretty funny that that doesn't bother me one bit. If i went to boro that probably would bug me a lot. Idk why. I like brenden though. (:

09/15/10

Ryan's birthday is two days away. I want to get him something special, to let him know that I really do care about him. I don't know what to get him though. Hey God? Wanna help ms out? Hahha, woah. I'm a loser. But really though. I want to let him know that I'm always here for him. He would loose so much respect for me if he knew i took that vicodine. The problem is that I honestly want to do it again. It wasn't even that good the first time around and yet for some stupid reason i just want more. I just want to be happy. I've been so freaking depressed the past couple of days. Honestly. I don't even know what to do about the whole brenden thing. I just think that me and him are way too much alike to even be dating. Were not good for each other, and yet at the same time I feel like I really should start opening up to him. I mean I complain all the time about not having anyone to talk to and then God gives me b and i all the sudden act like I don't even want him… I don't know what in the world i want. I hate the fact that I feel like I can't get close to anyone at Dayton Christian. Like honestly. I really don't have any friends. i think it's because I just feel like people bore me. I don't even know what it is. It's just like I feel like im so much better than everyone else there and getting to know people would just be a waste of my time. I'm such a cooky little brat. I hate the way boor has made me look at life. UGH, i'm so confused these days. Me and barenden never even talk about anything significant anymore… i hate it. I wish i had the men parts to call him right now. But of course. I don't.

10/29/10

me and brenden broke up. i hate myself so much more than ever. he is everything i could ever want, and yet I'm the one who brought it up.

i miss him. Im so stupid ):

i just feel like he doesn't try at all.

he dones't even look at me during art class… ever

would never even think about calling me.

stops texting me when im in a bad mood or say something stupid.

Honestly if you want everything to be okay then i would want you to take some inititivate. cause honestly right now i feel like tanner, your best friend, is more comfortable with talking to me that you are. Like i don't freaking mean to make everything awkward but i don't know how to have a boyfriend at school. Like do you want me to sit with you at lunch? Do you what me to walk with you to your classesl? And half of this crap i feel like you should want to do for me, ilke your the guy. the guy is supposed to do that kind of stuff for the girl.

And then about the whole felix thing.. do you remember when i told you in athens that if i told you my intense little thing then you would feel differently and it would change just about everything? Well, i knew it would. So i just told you a portion of it, trying to make it seem like something else to cover up for what it actually was because i didn't want to tell you. Like i told you he took advantage of me, which he did on only one ocation

^^ this was from awhile ago..

____________________________________________________________________

Every day, ever day, I slowly pass him in the hallway

instead of pouring out, i looked the other way

i don't know what im doing anymore

he's bored.

Life on standby.

August 1st 2010

I hope Brenden's not doing anything tomorrow because at this point I really want him to come over. I hope he can come in my room. Haha. I don't know why that's such a big deal to me.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 3rd 2010

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 4, 2010

I went to work, and got my eyes dilated today, Brenden didn't come over. I'm to tired to write anything else.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 5th, 2010

Laterrr;

I was looking through my mothers text messages today. It was random. I wasn't really snooping just bored and that was something to do. But I found text messages from Avery to my mom. She said that Ryan was spending the night at Kevin Kash's. He never even goes over there. I think it's kinda sad that Avery can straight up lie to my mother. I don't know. I'd probably do the same thing if I had their lives.

August 6th 2010

OK. Well, for starters yesterday morning I accidentally left my phone at the house instead of taking it with me. Which you already knew ^ And as soon as I got home I went to the kitchen where I knew I had put it that morning and found my big vera bradley bag and everything that I had previously put in it except for my phone. I spent the next half an hour re-tracking my steps going through everything trying to see where I could have put it. I asked everyone in my family if they had seen it, and everyone.. including mike's responses were, " oh my gosh kelsey, you always loose your phone " so I just kept on looking. I went to soccer practice, and then came home and once again asked everyone if they had seen it. They hadn't. I proceeded to spend the next two hours cleaning my room, cleaning my bathroom, cleaning the car, in an attempt to find my phone. Nothing was working. So then at 12am I finally got frustrated. I went down the stairs and once more asked my mom about the phone. She told me to go downstairs and see if Ryan had taken it. Considering the fact that he was grounded and it seemed logical that he would want a phone to text his friends and whatnot. So, not having any hope I went downstairs and called my phone, once again. I heard a vibrate, and then another. And there it was, I found it. Hidden underneath the couch cousin. Furious. I jerked Ryans door open and started yelling at him. He was asleep. Waking Ryan up in this way was not one of my best ideas. One that I will never try again. He cussed me out, and then I realized that he didn't do it. And then, after contemplating for a second, I realized that Michael had done it. I ran up the stairs and then laid it out. Oh, I was furious. It actually accidentally got caught on my voicemail, while I was in the act of chewing him out. It rather funny actually, now looking back.. In the moment though, I seriously could have punched the life out of that kid. And I wanted to soooo badly. You have no idea. That's just one of those type of things that happens once every five years of so where my anger just overwelhms me and I lose all my self control. But I didn't touch him. I am quite proud of myself. That took a lot out of me. Then of course I had to start crying to my mother and force her to take his i touch away for awhile. She agreed, and actually followed through. I was amazed. That most deffinately had been a first. I think me and him are cool now though. In the end I realized that he was just mad about the crap that happened the day I got my eyes dilated.. I'm not going to tell that story though. That can just be one that I forget. Hopefully. Anyways though, Cat is so cute. She really is the nicest cat I think I've ever met. Exactly the opposite of Reese. Thank Jesus.

Todayy: went to work, exhausted. Got Bravo from a drug rep. Went shopping, got a dress and school pants. Chilled. Saw Charlie St. McCloud with Jen. We talked about Jullian. it was interesting. I wonder what will happen this upcoming year… Grandpa's b-day tomorrow! Brenden's coming(: , I didn't tell him about Cat yet. Ha. I think it's hilarious when were just talking I can talk to him, but when I make the slightest little flirt then he just stops texting me. I wonder what's going through his head right now. He would never tell me if i asked him though. Oh well. I'm kind of tired. I hope I can sleep.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 7th 2010

Oh, and I puked again tonight. Right before he came over. Joy.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 8th 2010

I need to tell Brenden the truth about my past. The truth about Felix, the truth about everything. I don't know if I can. I don't even know if I know the real truth I've lied so many times.

Oh my freaking lord, im such a freak.

Later;

Brenden: Hey!

Me: Hey, what's up?

Brenden: Just watching tv, you?

Me: Talking to kelly on the phonee, lol.

Brenden: Lol, did she like dc?

Me: Ha, yeah. She said she'll know for sure weather she's going or not like this week. (:

Brenden: Ha, ok thats cool.

Me: Mhm(:

…

Me: Bleh, okay so I have a question.

Brenden: Yeah?

Me: Do you even like me? Honestly?

Brenden: Are you kidding me? Of course I do. Like really like you, and I mean it. Are you asking this cause of what i told you yesterday? And do you even like me?

Brenden: Trust me I wasn't forced into liking you. And :( i'm sorry what exactly has been bothering you? i knew this would change something.

Brenden: Okay, and i don't plan on smoking i have a reason not to now and i don't need it in my life and i'm glad cause i hope we do:)

The end,

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 10th 2010

Well I guess it's the 11th but I'm just going to lie and say it's the 10th because I haven't fallen asleep yet so for me it's still the 10th. Anyways.. It seems like I've worked the whole day. Actual work, then soccer tryouts then running again, dinner, and now all that's left is sleep. I watched that movie that Alyssa's mom recommended. Goodwill hunting. It was actually pretty good, I liked it a lot. I don't think I'll tell Alyssa about it though. It's sad that we spent that entire vacation together and were still not even that close that we can talk about stupid crap like that. I don't know why. I really don't like Liz, and Allison when they're together. Soccer is going to be so annoying. Honestly I like Catlynne though. She seems like a real person. The other two just get on everyone's nerves though. And it's really obvious. Kinda sad, but obvious. Jenny asked me to get her a pregnancy test from work today. I feel so freaking' bad for that girl. Apparently her and Jullian are officially over now.. for the 3rd time. They had a big fight and he said that she was just a mistake. I swear I would kick that guy in the balls if she would let me. I really love Jenny. And she really doesn't deserve this crap. I wonder what's going to happen next year… Oh my lord. I seriously do not know how to talk, to like anyone. I'm so freaking werid. I can't even spell weird right. W-E-I-R-D. Whatever. I need to read my drivers education book.

I have to go,

Anyways, Goodnight.

UGH, WHY ARE ALL MY FRIENDS TALKING TO MY BROTHER.

I truly wonder if Jen even like me or if she's just in it for all my brother's friends dicks..

One more thing, I want to see 'where the wild things are'. OK. I'm really going to read now.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 11th 2010

I stole Jen some condoms today. Hahahahaha, it was actually quite thrilling. I hope my mom doesn't find them and think that I'm slutty. She'd be so pissed if she found them. Hahah, that'd be so funny. Anyways, my grandparents took me to the Project Blessing helping thing today. We served 140 homeless people lunch, and I got 2 hours of community service. Yay! But it was really sad though. There was one kid there that looked maybe a year or so younger than me. He didn't have anyone with him, it was just him alone. I gave him an extra brownie. Honestly though, I wonder what it would have been like if my mom and dad didn't call the cops the one night I ran away. I wonder how far I would have gone to get away from them. I wonder what that kids story was. As the people went through the line getting their food I couldn't help but think about what all their stories were. They have probably all been through such hell, and yet I freaking run away from my 'perfect' life wishing to be one of them. I'm an idiot.

crap, i have work tomorrow. D:

Anyways goodnight.

August 12th 2010

Oh life. I don't like talking about politics, I don't like talking about war. These are things that I personally will never be able to change whatsoever. Blah blah blah, one person can make a difference = false. Fate is going to happen weather we like it or not, and I feel like we have to pick and choose what we want to focus on in our lives. Honestly, I don't think I will vote when Im 18. War is so pointless, childish. He hit me so I'm going to hit him back. Except in the United States we just try to be the parents in the situation and discipline anyone who's 'out of line'. Whatever, I guess it's a good thing in the end. Somebody has to stand up in this world. I just feel like it doesn't have to result in nuclear bombing, instead we could talk things through. Make treedies, and get along, were are all human. When you actually think about life it can get really scary. I don't even want to know half of anything that's going on, I just want to live and spread love to people in anyway that I can. We can only live life for at most a century. Why would anyone want to know half the crap that happens on wallstreet. Your just going to find out a lot of crap that you never knew before and you know what? There's nothing you can do about any of it. Except vote, and that's nothing. I bet even that has been rigged before. So why? Fate will happen regardless.

I have come to the conclusion that I do not know anything. And honestly, I'm okay with that…. hold on. Kelly is crying.

August 13th 2010

Made varsity! #15 (;

Kelly's over right now, were going to the pool and then going to the green later with brooke wells, (:

Ryan's being a creep and trying to hit on Kelly all the time and it's really pissing me off. Oh and, I had a really weird dream last night but kelly's here so I can't really write anything down cause she'd see. Hahaha. Okay well were going to the pooooool, so bye.

Anyways, Good afternoon.

August 15th 2010

"LOSE ANOTHER DAY HERE, LOSE ANOTHER YEAR HERE, IM WITH YOU." I love silverstein so freaking' much. No one even understands. They are so fantastic.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 16th 2010

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 19th 2010

Today was freaking' terrible. Oh my lord.

Stayed up until 3 am doing absolutely nothing on Facebook. Woke up late for work. Had to work until 4. Came home, half an hour late for soccer. Mom yelled at me. Dad yelled at me. Accidently left my phone at home, along with the soccer shoe that just so happened to fall out of my bag and onto the side walk just before I got into the car. Thennnn finally after all this crap, I started my period and was wearing white shorts. Oh and then after soccer practice we had to go to this meeting for all sports and basically my entire school was there and everyone saw the little 'accident'… fml. My eyes are blood shot and I just ate dinner, and it's only what? 10:30 pm. Dinner, who the heck eats dinner at 10:30? Only my family. Whatever though. I need to get new soccer shoes. And update my itunes, a lot. And I'm really tired right now, so yeah.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 20th 2010

August 21 2010

A lot has happened within the last couple days. BUT ariel is here right now..

August 22 2010

It's 2:10am. Ariel is over.

August 23th 2010

Oh myy lord. Okay so everyone's gone now and i actually have some free time to talk about everything that has happened. Ughhhhh. Alright.

KAY WHATEVER, different subject. Lmao, initiation for soccer was so funny.

August 24th 2010

August 28th 2010

Wow, ever since school has started I feel like I never have enough time to actually write on this thing. Well anyways I'll just tell everything. FROM THE TOP.

I think I'm going to like school this year. I have pretty good classes.

1) Bible with mr. bulinka. Kaitlynn, noah, grant, gabby, and some other people are in that class. We normally don't do anything important. And he said that the best way to get a good grade in his class is to do well on the projects. So I think I'll be good at that.

2) Math with mrs. folkerts. I have a ton of people in that class, and it's probably not a good thing because this lady already sucks as a teacher and I already feel like I'm forsure not going to learn anything. Luke is the T-A in that class. Oh my lord, that kid is the most awkward child I think I have ever met. It's actually quite scary.

3) computers with mr. farmer. Hahah, i love that man.. There's this kid named scott in that class… he's really short and really fat. When I saw him for the first time I was honestly scared, but I sit right beside him in this class and I could tell he really didn't want to talk or anything but I was just casual with him and was nice to him and all. And then at lunch he went to go sit with megan songer and this one other girl and then as soon as he sat down with them they btw got up and he was just sitting there all alone. My table went to and sat with him. We talked to him, and he just seems really quiet and depressed and I feel really bad for the kid. I wanna become friends with him. I don't know. We'll see.

4) US history, with mrs conway. Jen, allison, heath, conner, megan, noah, and some other people are in this class… oh and there's this new kid in that class named tim. He's really cute, but most likely a pot head i'm thinking. I don't know. I'll haveta get to know him… ohhhh and then there's luke. Haha, he's in that class to. It's so freaking' awkward from last year and everything that went down. I was late the first day that I walked in that class. And seriously, the only freaking seat open in the entire room was right behind luke folkerts. Great, right. He just stared at me when I sat down. Said absolutely nothing and just sat. I kinda feel bad that he doesn't have like any friends at all in that class, but honestly im not going to be the first one to go up and have a chat with him. I have a boyfriend now. I really don't want him getting the wrong impression or anything. Eh, ew.

5) Hon. Biology with mr. Norvelll. There are literally 3 sophomores in that class. It's pretty sad, atleast I have drew bell. He's a funny child. Such a pill popper but he's alright. I like him. Mr. Norvell is seriously the oddest guy I think I have ever met in my life. He acts like bill nei the science guy like crazyyyy. I enjoy him a lot though. He tries really hard, and I think Im going to learn a lot in his class this year(:

lunch- ehhhh, whatever.

6) Art with mr. Gnagey. Brenden's in that class(: It's super boring, but I'm glad we have a class together though. It's better than nothing at all.

7) English with Mr. K. He's probably my favorite teacher. Honestly. He's so freaking' cool. He goes to apex, and is a real genuine person. I like him.

This year is going to be really interesting. I feel ilke I have changed and grown up a lot already. It's really weird, really really weird. l really don't want to grow up. I just want to stay young and innocent for as long as possible. I'm really completely done with my little insecure phase.. honestly I think I lost some of my left brain. Forreal. It sucks. I can even write better with my right hand lately. It's supa freaky.

… LATER

Me and brenden kissed tonight (:

I still miss felix, but I know this is all part of God's plan.. Whatever happens happens.

I think im gonna see if he wants to do that notebook thing though. Lol, I hope he does. I already have a notebook decorated. (:

August 29th 2010

I'M SUCH AN IDIOT. IT'S BEEN 4 FREAKIN' YEARS. GET OVER THIS KID. FML. He jacked me up so much.

September 1, 2010

I wish I was a cool person. It sucks when you spend your whole life trying to create yourself and in the end you hate who you are. I don't know what to do.

Wow, i never really realized how immature i was until i started 'dating' him. We freaking don't even talk at school. I feel like i can't even talk to anyone, about anything real anymore.

I'm going to do that notebook thing..

I feel so freaking lame lately. Like honestly I don't have any friends at dc, except for brenden, and he's the only one who i avoid. LOSERLOSERLOSER.

09/04/10

Soccer today, middletown christian 7-0 (: whoot whoot. Brenden came.. hahaha he is seriously such a good boyfriend. I need to try harder for him..

09/06/10

We just got back from vacation! (:

we went to athens. brenden me avery ryan mom dad paul brenna and their parents.

09/12/10

My mom and dad went out to this one party last night. They said all the kids had to get out of the house cause avery and brenden were both over. So my parents kicked us out and I finally got to drive alone with him in his car. Haha. It was fun. We ended up going to his work and seeing the dirt bike place behind it. It looked sweet. He had a bunch of scabs all over his knuckles, I asked him what they were from. He told me that he got them at work and i said it looked like he punched something. Later on we went to bares and nobles and just looked around and talked and whatnot. We got some books and then went and sat down. I sat on his lap and he eventually got the whole felix nonsense out of me.. He doesn't know about the part were i fell in love with him yet, but I'll eventually tell him.. hopefully. I told him about the bulimic thing.. but not about the cutting… eventually it will come out. I think he might think that like felix for real raped me or something though? Cause I like tried to explain everything but Im not really sure if it came out right. And cause after I told him about the felix thing, he just turned his head to the side and said that he felt like he should punch something. I guess it was good to tell him, but i don't want him getting mad. I think it's weird how when people get sad or something bad happens they just decide to punch something. I don't get angry like that, it's just kinda odd for me. But then this morning we went to church. My whole family went except for ryan and then his mom and friend jeremy went. I don't think jeremy likes me very much. He always just gives me a look like he hates me… i honestly could care less though. Ha, i think it's actually pretty funny that that doesn't bother me one bit. If i went to boro that probably would bug me a lot. Idk why. I like brenden though. (:

09/13/10

I think im just faking myself out. It really sucks when you hear a song and you know completely that it's your life, but you can't tell anyone about it because it's not the way it should be.

i live a fake life in order not to hurt anyone, in order to live out what i think god wants of me. He want's me to forget felix but of course.. that's impossible. ef. I don't think I'll ever be stable.. I just fill my life with so many ' things ' to keep me busy just so that i don't haveta focus on the actual state of my being.. i have come to realize that i can't just chill anymore. i have to always be doing something in order for me not to have a mental break down.. and take a bunch of vicodin like what happened the other night. I hate how the crap in my life is just the kind of crap that you normally wouldn't talk about with anyone. i really wish that it just wasn't a big deal.

Honestly, none of this freaking crap would have even happened if he didn't already think that i was hurting.. if i was a outwardly a happy kid then i really don't think that he would have taken advantage of me the way that he did… i don't know… maybe if he thought my innocence wasn't already stolen then he wouldn't have taken it. I hate myself sometimes.

09/14/10

miami valley game today, beat em 2-1. I scored the first goal, hahahahhha. It freaking ricocheted off of kelsey clarks foot. Lmao, ohhh and I took mac out. It was rather hilarious actually. I seriously love God so much. I don't know why I only go to him when it comes to soccer games.. i was thinking about that on the field today.. how everyone always says that they do that.. and i felt like i never did before.. but now since i want it so much more i just pray on the field… Hahah, God is seriously so great though, cause right after I said a prayer in my head on the field then he set me up and that's when I scored. He really does answer prayer.. Uhm, so god? If you can hear me right now as im thinking this out, i just want to say.. Thank you.. for tonight.. and for well showing me that you are present in my life. And that I need to take advantage of that. Lord, I know you have a plan for my life. Please let it unfold, and let me make sure that I give all the glory to you in the process. I love you… i don't even know if i can say that… cause i forsure don't show it… so i guess with where i am in my life right now I really like you lord. Help me to progress. Amen.

….. OH YEAH, AND I FORGOT TO MENTION. The goalie "kk" or whatever was yelling at the ref and got taken out of the game right before the corner when i scored.. hahha, she was put back in the next play. Funny stuff God. You taught two lessons through that one. Hahaha.

09/15/10

09/16/09 I didn't call him last night.. I woke up at 3, then again at 5, and didn't even text him to see if he was awake.. I hate myself. We have a soccer game today. He has work, and I will have homework. This cycle never ends. And I know what I want in my life, but honestly is it even worth it? I freaking have given up my personality, my life, any fun that I could possibly be having, just so that I can get good grades and be a good kid. Just so that I can beat Ryan at something. Why do I need to beat Ryan? I'm an idiot. Why can't I just accept that and move on? I failed my drivers ed test yesterday.

09/16/09

I like being close with my family. They honestly help me so much. I love my dad and my brother. They just make me so happy.. They both are so much like me. Seriosly though, if i don't have anyone to talk to why couldn't i just vent to them? They love me more than any of my friends ever would. So much has happened tonight. After I talked to my dad, I talked to Ryan.. and i just kind of want to talk about that while it's still fresh in my mind so I don't forget like I always do. Well anyways. Ryan has decided that he doesn't want to be a christian anymore and he said that it's probably the best thing that he has ever done. All he does anymore is remain stationary. He likes, philosophy alittle too much. But i love to hear him talk about it. He is trying to go into everyday with the same mindset, looking off of his buhdist poster as a guide. He thinks that budism should not be his religion but rather his practice. Giving to people spreading love being the biggest hippie out there. He says he's not scared of death.. I don't believe him though.

10/01/10

i honestly just fell like an idiot.

10/02/10

nothing.

10/29/10

me and brenden broke up. we both just couldn't understand it anymore. i fight with him all the time, and honestly there's so much silence in our relationship. i would so want to get to know him, but i just can't. he's so introverted, in some ways. i just wish i could morph christian pollard and him into one person.. honestly though, i miss brenden a lot right now, and like last night i told him that i still want to hangout and stuff, but it's honestly just never going to be the same, ever again. he says were on a break, but i think we both know what that means. were done, unless i make an effort to want him back. i don't want to made the effort if he doesn't want to make it either. i don't know what im doing with my life.

10/31/10

today is halloween, but me and brooke trick or treated last night.

11/08/10

Today is Monday.

The days seem to all run together recently. i don't rely know why but time has just sped up extremely quickly for me. I don't really know what happens to all of the hours I think that I have. Recently I have been writing a lot in different journals that I have, and not really documenting anything about my life onto here. I don't really know but I kind of like writing a lot better than typing things on here. I don't know… it's more freeing. But tonight I have a lot to do/ work on school wise so I just figured that typing everything onto here would be a lot easier. School is so stressful recently. I don't know. I think it is mainly just because of science fair in general, and I am slowly beginning to realize just how much I procrastinate literally everything. everything. everything.

I hate that about myself.

OMG. i today in english I literally thought that i had kidney stones. it was bad. my stomach felt like there were knives inside of me piercing my skin from the inside out. it hurt, like hellllll-o. JELLO. Omg i feel in the mood for jello right now. Anyways, let me hit the details.

Brenden and me were talking like this whole weekend and i really wish that I could save like honestly every single text message because i just frankly like talking to him. And i always tell him that things are going to be different but honestly nothing ever seems to change. I know he will never change for me so i frankly know that i just have to. I don't know. I would so want to just be friends with him, but it's like the type of deal where i know he knows that i like him so it's just awkward, idk why. im just like that i guess. like with christian, we text sometimes and frankly he makes me really happy whenever we text but its not at all like that in person, and we even have study hall and everything together. I don't know. I wish i wasn't like the way that i am sometimes, and frankly ive been trying to change myself for a while now, hopefully im getting somewhere.

Anywyayzz; tomorrow!

I am going to walk up to him and hug him and say sorry. and not elaborate at all, and then just talk to him without anything being awkward. Omg, hopefully that's possible.

Ugh, alright i need to set my alarm. I still have to study for my us history test TOMORROW!

Hello. I am Kelsey. I haven't written one of these "about me" things in a really long

time.. but I feel like it puts a lot of things into perspective so therefore.. here is goes.

Im 15. I live in springboro ohio with two loving parents, and two brothers. One pot

head brother and one anti-social brother. I am stuck in the middle, and seem to

be the most averagely normal one. I go to Dayton Christian School and have been

for currently one full year. I love everything about it.. except for the people. I'm put

in a very selective enviournent and you really have to know who you are in order

to be stable there. I think I know who I am. Sometimes at least. I'm kind of bi-polar

a lot of the time though. Either extremely obnoxiously happy, and in a great mood,

making friends with just about everyone I see, am kind and loving. On the other

hand I am for sure a drab. I am dull, depressed, awkward, all the while trying to

fake a smile when I really wish that I could just cry. I think I need medicine.. I

have a long history of depression in my family. In a nut shell though, I really do

love my family though. We all live in this HUGE house in a really rich neighborhood

even though we don't need or deserve it. I don't like it what-so-ever. I like to

help people. When I get my license I feel like a lot of things are going to

change. I am GOING to spread so much love. And I will do it on my own

in my car. I have so many brilliant ideas. Dayton Street Minestries, making

cookies for everyone, hanging the haunted ghost on peoples doors.

When I get older I want to be a house mom and do everything in my power

to spread love to the world as well as my children. It will be very satisfying.

I am excited about my future. We will live in a small clean house with a

bunch of woods surrounding. I will make all my family eat healthy and

work out and be in good shape. I will give them freedoms but not too

much. This world is becoming courrpt but my kids will not be corrupt.

I like music it soothes my soul. I like art it calms me down. I like this one

boy named brenden right now. He's perfect, in every single way, except

for the fact that he's so awkward, and absent minded. He doesn't know

how to talk to girls and I don't know how to help him. I'm for sure no

expert. I miss my friends from springboro sometimes. When you truly

find someone who you can trust with your whole heart when you know

their faults and can accept them for the person that they are and still

love them with your whole heart is when you really find a true friend.

Brooke, and demI, lauren and maybe cosette ? I don't know yet though

I'm still getting to know her. I am a good friend, and I like having

good friends. Keeping them is hard though. I hold huge grudges and

am never quick to forgive anyone. I over think everything and make sure

that I never do anything that I would ever regret. Though I sometimes

wish that I could be a bad kid, I would never have it in me. I feel like I

would be a failure if I ever tried anything. Drinking drugs sex, not on

my list. I like to create things. I like origami, I like sewing, knitting, books

intelligent people, soccer, foods, cleaning, music, shoes I need to

broaden my life, I hate wasting my time. Alright, I'm done. Goodbye. (:

11/24/10

^^ That was just kind of random I know i haven't really written anything for awhile. I have been really busy… it's for sure a lot easier in the summer. It was really interesting though. I had to do science fair this year.. it was about caffeine consumption and how it effects your body while exercising. I guess I learned a little bit about it, but the main thing that I learned was how hard I could work. I literally did not do any of my board or project until right before the day I had to present it to the judges. I literally came home from school at three and worked until 2:30 in the morning. I was exhausted but honestly the next mooring i really did feel well rested and completely fine. From this experience i have learned that it is possible to get anything accomplished. You just have to want to.

11/26/10

I feel like whenever i'm on break or anything I always have time to write on this an update my life. So.. UPDATE.

Everything previuos about ryan "little king" and everything has been found out. The past two years there are no more secrets.. he is completely found out. And now, there is basically a war on drugs in my house. He doesn't even understand how much he effects our family. It's so completely annoying. He got the internet taken away after 12 for everyone. No phone after 10. He gets my parents attention all the time now. He is their main and only concern. My parents are now trying to act like the are super strict when I know it's completely fake. And I guarantee you it's only going to get worse. Our house will be a war zone soon enough. A prison. I'm glad I'm getting my license soon enough. April. That will be the month when EVERYTHING will change. I'm looking forward to it.. Anyways it's late and I can't talk forever but the main reason why i wanted to update in general was because the other day roni and sara came over to my house. Roni was tolerable, but sara was literally cracking jokes about God like three or four times. I really wish that i would have just stood up for myself right then and there. She was in my house. She isn't allowed to do that in my house. That's the exactly like her going to ronis house and cracking gay jokes.. rude and uncalled for. She honestly pisses me off so much. I think the main reason why is because she really reminds me so much of myself. In a lot of ways when i was in the 7-8th grade i was exactly like her. Wanting friends, looking for some one to have fun with, to conform to, and that's the only thing that i knew. Sara is like that know, weather she realizes it or not. She hates whenever people make fun of her… for example when people say that she smells, but then she goes ahead and makes fun of others all the time. Like it's her jobbbbb. Frankly thats where she finds fulfillment. I feel like a lot of people can handle not having a religion.LIke brooke for example she's a happy stable and motivated person. I feel like she wouldn't even understand the point of having a religion. She is just one of those people who is so comfortable in her own skin and knows her own morals so well that she doesn't need a higher power to look to for guidance. She looks towards her own morals. But then on the other hand there are people like sara… conformists. She is depressed like crazy on the inside, beucase she would do anything, she doesn't have any morals she doesn't have guidance from anyone except from her friends who promote so much hate just because they are insecure of themselves. It's all such a sad cycle. She is the type of person that for sure needs religion. Chrsitianity is not something to be made fun of for her, it's something that could potentially save her from killing herself. And I'm not even just saying christianity in general im saying any religion. Any religion at all. But she won't ever have a real religion, or any opinion on religion that is honestly her own, beucase she's a conformist.. and conformists never change unless they are forced to change… like me.

Anyways goodnight.ß

12/02/10

Okay so im starting my new years resolution alittle bit early now. If me and brenden aren't okay by the start of the new year then im going to move on, and im not going to be sad, and im going to find someone else… soon.. and if we don't work out then im going to take a bunch of pictures with my new guys and post them alll over Facebook so he gets really jealous. I want to make him miss me. He honestly has been such a douche to me recently, like he tells me that he likes me but in all honesty literally no one at my entire school could see that. what. so. ever. So therefore Im putting him in the hot seat. If he can't make me happy by january 1st then im done… tonight was the worst. I texted him, texted him, texted him, called him and then texted him once more… and what do i get? Nothing. Absolutely nothing at all. I think Ive cried every day this week because he's been ignoring me. I cry way too often, but it just comes out. I just can't keep it in. I fall too hard, way too fast… I'm going to stop that. I hope the New Year comes fast.

12/10/10 thank jesus. me and brenden are over for good now. AND he told me he didn't want to be with me and didn't have feelings for me anymore so thank jesus. Now, his little thing on his myspace won't make me cry anymore. And actually what's weird about it is that I cryed soooo much about him and now that we aren't anything anymore I'm not crying, and im actually really happy. Oddly enough. He brought out the worst in my and it honestly just wasn't

even worth it at all. Yeah, its nice to have a boy friend but it's not at all worth my time. Soooo un-nessasary.

i just feel like he doesn't try at all.

he dones't even look at me during art class… ever

would never even think about calling me.

stops texting me when im in a bad mood or say something stupid.

^^ this was from awhile ago..

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