#soooo idk idk idk whatever what do i know im just a person with experiences that might differ to others and for some reason got put on blast

[cerealmonster15]

i dont think i ever felt more annoyed at commercials than when those mean girls walmart ads were playing a few months ago or whenever that was

[transmonstera]

you can add your experience to the tags of something and people will really think you're telling people that's what they should always do huh anyway

[welcometoteyvat]

waterborne poetry reactions (belated) (long post)

XINGQIU GOT FUCKING SMASHED IN THIS EVENT. BULLYING XINGQIU HOURS I LOVE TO SEE IT (affectionate)

bro got roasted for his handwriting, is Baffled by the mondstadters, then spends an entire day missing out on [whatever that was] and STILL DOESNT HAVE A CLUE WHAT HAPPENED HAHAHA im sorry i love bullying him

please never tell xingqiu whats going on it's payback <3

CHONGYUN DIONA AND MIKA. i need to hold them omg,,,, i was using freminet to wander around so in my heart they r just 4 cryo kids in a terrarium what will they do!! that combo was quite cute

CHONGYUN YANG MODE?!?!?!?!?! ON SCREEN??????? WAAAAHHHHHHHHH

he was adorable ;;;;;___;;;;; his little eye sparkles and the jumping T_T also the near-rap speed that his lines were delivered in was hilarious (thank you kinsen for ur service)

my son.... please never feed him chilis again

CHONGYUN IMPACT. that's all

now full of unfounded hope that chongyun will someday get an event about his pure yang spirit since they mentioned it a fair few times here

give him the deep lore he deserves

also XIAOYUN?!?!?!?! (only seeing what i want to see) THEY TALKED!!!! IN PERSON ON SCREEN THEY TALKED AND XIAO WASNT DISPARAGING!!!! im sorry this is what a rarepair with no food does to a mf

xiaolumi so strong (or xiaother if u prefer)

oughguhguhg the rhyming couplets part was SOOOO CUTE!! idk they did good with the pacing of the banter i think 🥺

adding onto that the camera angles and cuts this event were actually really nice and creative i think. they made it more engaging (the quick pan from chongyun to xingqiu at the end of the 3rd act, hu tao popping out from behind venti's shoulders during the couplet exchange, etc) it was REALLY good really funny. added to the experience a lot <3

Also venti zhongli are truly the most archon old friends ever

that cutscene was actually so pretty. It's drawn in the same style as Lyney's: very textured lines, slightly reminscent of linocuts, quite a few handdrawn parts, especially where there's water/liquid movement present, etc. Maybe this is a Fontaine style animated cutscene, since the oceanids and lyney are both from there? anyways. i'm intrigued—I wanna see if there are regional cutscene styles or something (that'd be very impressive)

the "close ur eyes paimon/diona" line was so fucking funny. traveler's been the third wheel a bunch of times but never this explicitly

also ! for people icked out by the morality of kid finch's crush on the oceanid: it is Fiction with a capital F

on the one hand I agree with the above sentiment, but it's also just funny to think about. first canon monsterfucker ? /JJJJJJJJJJJJJ don't kill me for that joke

Real thoughts: I think it was actually really sweet how he fell in love with a fairytale. Someone said the oceanid could've been aromantic coded to make their love story more morally palatable; I agree, it would've been cool if she was aro, but I don't think their romantic relationship is like somehow terrible and gross either

overall ending was really mid tbh, I appreciate the character growth of everyone who was on screen but literally all the other characters just disappeared. It was really unsatisfying lol especially for an event that was supposed to be hte gathering/unison of mond and liyue

would've been better if the second day's rhyming couplets ended the event I think; you'd have to tweak it to fit the mood of the oceanid/finch reveal but literally anything works, the ending was so anticlimactic

overall event: 10/10 for giving me the character interactions I wanted, and those that I never knew I needed, 5/10 because the minigames are. not the best, I get the intentions but the execution could've been better. And then 5/10 for story arc (heavily influenced by how mid the ending was LMAO)

I want to go through all the poems and their english translations because I Know somethings gonna get screwed up and I'm also just curious as to how they translated it

[bigandgreedy]

hi girl i just need to share, i went on my first first date ever yesterday and i was so fucking anxious before, but it ended up being SO good and flowed soooo well. kind of been floating all day. i am kinda scared about having to bring up my lack of experience though :/ do you have any tips maybe? i’m 22 and he’s 25

I’m glad it went well! I feel like it’s up to you what you want to share. As I’ve gotten older I realize that letting men know you lack experience can sometimes give them an upper hand in the relationship or make them pull away. I wouldn’t make a big deal of it at all but idk I’m not someone any of you should be taking advice from. But I’m glad it went well! I would just keep whatever you want to say short and sweet but again idk if im a good person to take advice from.

[scentofpines]

"have you ever considered...that identifying out of woman/girlhood because you don't relate to the societal implications, expectations, etc... contributes to making womanhood (feel) even more restrictive?"

i thought your post on this was very interesting. ive identified as lesbian most of my life, but have been recently wondering if the identity of trans man fits me better. your post is making me wonder if i only feel this way because my true self is labelled "[gender] non conforming." im a pretty rebellious person most of the time so i am hesitant to think id be submitting to the gender binary if i transitioned like you suggest.

the thing is, i know there are gnc trans men (even though i wouldnt be one), so it does seem to me that even within transgender identities, gender expression still exists separate from sex. id just be trans because i wish i was born with a penis, not because im gnc as a woman.

but idk im really conflicted over it, and would like to hear more of your opinion since your aforementioned post caught me so off guard and further added to my self-questioning

Hi, thank you for your message and your honesty! Sorry my reply is so long but this is just such a big and complex issue and also english isn’t my first language, so I often struggle with finding the right words.

I think due to the way societies across the globe treat women, it is already very hard to be born female and not struggle with your body at some point or another and it is even harder when you are a lesbian as that is kind of seen as „doing womanhood wrong“ because a lot of the stuff that is conventionally labeled as „feminine“ or „womanly“ is centered around gaining male approval and as a lesbian this tends to either not be important at all or less so than it is for heterosexual women (i think the male gaze or whatever you wanna call it is so deeply ingrained in women from their childhood on that it can even affect lesbians in the sense that we’re trying to indirectly appeal to men even though were not even attracted to them but thats a different topic).

The wish to transition very often affects gay people in my experience (before the rise in media attention to transgenderism it was in my experience mostly gay men that transitioned and even now with females i think the percentage of gay girls/women that want to transition is waaayy higher than that of heteros) and I think the reason behind that has a lot to do with societal aversion to lesbians (and gay men too). I have heard from both trans women and detrans women that they believe their transgender journey is linked to trauma that they experienced (partially due to their homosexuality).

You wrote that you don’t think that you would submit to the gender binary by transitioning but in my opinion you would still strenghten the concept of gender itself. What is it that makes you want to transition in the first place? You said you identified as a lesbian most of your life, what changed? What made you start questioning this identity and what made you think that there was something about your body that needed to be changed?

If i understood correctly, you said that you want to transition because you wish to have a penis. There are many reasons why someone who is female would wish for that from shits-and-giggles-reasons, to practicality (like peeing standing up lol), health struggles with their female genitalia, internalized disgust about them, generalized resentment of their female body parts etc. As I dont know your personal situation I cant really have an opinion about this, however I do not believe into the narrative anymore that trans people have been „born in the wrong body“. For a long time I believed this because I too struggled a lot with my female physique, breasts, etc and could empathize with this notion. But then I realized that this would imply that our souls/brains have a sex and this is soooo sexist. This sentiment was used for thousands of years to oppress women and I hate it lol. „L’esprit n’a pas de sexe“ has already been said by Poulain de la Barre in 1673 and it holds true. No one is born in the wrong body, especially if your body is completely healthy and functional. Just like no one is born with the wrong nose or skin colour, no one is born with the wrong sex. It is the circumstances (beauty standards, racism, sexism, etc.) which people grow up and live in that make it feel as if that were the case. THESE CIRCUMSTANCES NEED TO CHANGE, NOT YOU.

I know having a female body can be so fucking hard and it can cause so much suffering and resentment but there is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. You say you are rebellious and I bet that‘s true but the most rebellious thing to do as a female is to radically accept your body and fuck all expectations that society places upon you because of your sex, all stereotypes, ideals, etc.

Now you say you wish you had a penis but as said above, I think there is a reason for that wish forming in your head. I dont think anyone is born hating their sex characteristics and wishing for the opposite ones. Maybe you can work on finding out that reason (maybe you already do) and resolve it. I know that body dysmorphia and dysphoria can become so horribly bad that there are cases where a transition feels like and maybe truly is the only way out (I still dont think someone is born that way, but in some cases the damage to the way you perceive your natural body is already done and so bad that no amount of therapy and inner work can repair it, at least not in a "timely" manner), but from reading your message it doesn’t seem like this is necessarily the case for you.

It is great that you keep questioning yourself on this matter and seem to really think this through btw! I’m sure you are aware of this, but a transition (obviously) has tremendous effects on your body and mind and even some changes from HRT are hardly reversible (the permanent voice changes in ftmtf detransitioners for example and way more serious complications that can and do often happen) and especially the penis that you desire is hardly achievable. Even the absolute best results of srs for ftms are neither functional in the way a natural penis is, nor do they look like one. Depending on how bad and persistent the dysphoria was before, the result may or may not be satisfying. If complications arise, and they often do, they can be catastrophical.

One advice I would like to give might sound a bit harsh but I mean it lovingly and it is that you shouldnt even care so much about yourself or rather your identity. I genuinely never think about what my identity is or what label fits it and it is very freeing. I dont shave anything, I have very short hair, I dont ever wear makeup despite my features absolutely not fitting the current beauty standards, I wear exclusively comfortably clothes that mostly arent considered very feminine, etc. etc. but this has ZERO effect on my womanhood because me being a woman just puts a word to the fact that I’m an adult human female. I havent always felt that way and it still is hard sometimes to exist so contrary to the female societal standards but what really helps me is to see other women who do the same, sharing thoughts like your wishing to have male genitalia with women who felt the same and overcame it and are happy now with their bodies. So generally speaking: Stop revolving so much around yourself. You are capable of sooo much, you are literally a witness of life, you are consciousness, you are on this earth to observe and feel and create and do and experience and not to constantly wonder about your identity. Just BE. (I’m not quite there myself yet lol it takes time).

Ok I really rambled here and I hope this is at least somewhat coherent. No matter how you decide I really wish you the best and hope whatever you choose is the right path for you! Have a nice day <3

[stormyoceans]

what the actual fuck i'm so fucking mad you got that message in your inbox, you're like the most loving most positive person here always enjoying your interests in such a nice way like that personally angered me you don't deserve that at all. that was written only to piss you off please don't let them, your love for vice versa and jimmysea is honestly the cutest most endearing thing and it makes me genuinely happy seeing you talk about it so excitedly every day. their episodes were soooo good imho so cute so them! i've missed them a lot and i'll be rewatching FOR SURE! what were your fave 3 moments? if you can choose! fuck that anon and the other ones that might be the same person. love you monica keep loving them as hard as you do <3

ANON YOU'RE MAKING ME TEAR UP THIS IS SO SWEET 😭😭 idk if i deserve all these nice words but please know that i deeply appreciate them and that they mean a lot to me!!!! thank you so so much for this 🥺💜

honestly i LOVED the our skyy episodes like i know im terribly biased, but out of all the ones we got until now i think the plot for vice versa felt the most organic and coherent to the characters and their journey. once again everyone involved in the show put so much care and attention into it, and jimmysea have such a natural easy chemistry to them, they sell the lovesick fools who have been married for five years SO WELL. IDK IF I CAN PICK ONLY 3 FAVORITE MOMENTS BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL SO GOOD BUT LET ME TRY:

1) the beach scene. IRREVOCABLY CHANGED ME MY LIFE MY PERSPECTIVE THE FOUNDATION OF MY PERSONHOOD THE BIOCHEMISTRY OF MY BRAIN AND THE ENTIRE MAKE UP OF MY BEING ON AN INTRINSIC MOLECULAR LEVEL. AGAIN. i haven't even begun to process A QUARTER of the insane amount of parallels they managed to pack in just 3 minutes of screentime and how, by doing that, they were able to show just how far puentalay have come in their journey: from strangers to lovers, from a one sided drunk kiss to a passionate yet tender mutual kiss, from a mouthed 'i like your name' to a mouthed 'i love you', from talay's life ending in the ocean to the ocean being the witness of his love, that same love he once thought was just an annoying distraction in the way to achieve his dreams and that now has become an essential color in the palette of his life..... literally made me experience every single emotion present on the spectrum of human consciousness, im gonna need a 2 weeks long vacation in a controlled environment to decompress and recover from the sheer high romance and the whole entire everything of it all

also not to toot my own horn but i love being correct and never losing:

2) both the birthday conversation and the drawing one. SORRY I KNOW IM CHEATING BUT I JUST CAN'T CHOOSE BETWEEN THESE TWO MOMENTS. WHEN I SAY PUENTALAY INVENTED COMMUNICATION UNDERSTANDING CARE LOVE SUPPORT!!!!!!!! im not mentally stable enough to be coherent about this but like.. one of the reasons i adore puentalay is that since the beginning they have always been willing to try to understand each other. no relationship comes without misunderstandings or conflicts, they're always bound to happen from time to time because we're all different and we all react to things in different ways, but what matters the most is the way you can come together after that to face the issue and make it better. i feel like people often have this idealized vision of love where everything must be perfect and passionate and all-consuming, but i believe love is actively choosing to share your life with someone every day as you help each other navigate through it and enjoy the quiet moments together, and i think these two conversations show that puen and talay have this kind of love, a love that will last forever because whatever happens being together is the most important thing for them

3) puentalay and jigsaw sleeping in the same bed. LITERALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU EXCEPT THAT I PERSONALLY DON'T EVEN WANT KIDS BUT SEEING PUEN AND TALAY BEING SO TENDER WITH JIGSAW AND REARRANGING THEIR LIFE TO MAKE SPACE FOR HIM HAD ME LYING IN THE DIRT SOBBING FOR SEVERAL HOURS TO CLIMB DOWN FROM THE SUGAR HIGH THIS SCENE GAVE ME WITH ITS SWEETNESS. it also reminded me a little of the scene in episode 6 when talay admits everything he has missed about puen: talay has always been more rational and reserved with his emotions compared to puen, but it's in quiet moments like these that you can see how deeply his feelings actually run. both puen and talay have so much love to give and one day, when they will be ready, they're gonna have a kid of their own and expand their family, and this knowledge is gonna MAKE ME DIE HAPPY AND IN PEACE

[bisolationist]

Wtf wtf im soooo mad. Why are women blaming me for having a female abuser do they fucking think i got to pick the sex of that fucking bitch. The first fucking thing that comes out of their mouth is "well maybe she's...." followed by a buttload of excuses. Maybe she's had a bad childhood, maybe because she's under pressure because we live in misginsytic society and your dad doesn't help her. Maybe because this because that what the actual fuck.

I've seen these women treat "normal" abuse survivors with the utmost grace and kindness but because my experience was different I don't get to be affected by my personal experiences.

If I express discomfort at having to visit a female gyno, being alone with a woman, being scared of women and all that im a whiny asshole who doesn't understand what real abuse is and it doesn't even matter anyway because men are worse just get over it already.

Why the fuck won't they let me by traumatized peacefully why are they punishing me for my abuse. The day I told my best fucking friend how I felt uncomfortable when the first girl I've ever been intimate with wouldn't stop when I told her to she said well she would never do that, I felt my heart break into million pieces.

Idk what other women want from me do you want me to apologize because the people who took advantage me were both women is that waht you want. Why the fuck is it surprising for you that a person who was abused/sexually assaulted or whatver by a woman might not be comfortable around women.

Why couldn't you have been nice to me. I didn't even ask you to fight for me or fight for victims of female abuse/SA. All I expected was inaction. I expected you to not belittle my pain I expected you to not find excuses for them i expected you to not react poorly because I fucking know you know how to react towards victims of abuse. Why couldn't you have extended that sympathy to me ?? Why does all your sympathy go towards understanding why my mom abused me

I've never done anything bad to you why would you do this to me?? What did I do to deserve this from you ?. You talk all day about female/class solidarity whatever you wanna call it but yeah

I'm sorry if it feels like I'm alshing out at you. Im not <3 you're a really nice guy. It's just that I feel like other women's kindess/support etc is extremely conditional and men would use what happened to me as an excuse to be misogynistic assholes.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this anon. I understand the frustration so much, especially at the fact that people are always trying to make excuses. I've definitely had that with my mother. I'm actually very cognizant of the ways misogyny has impacted her life; it doesn't mean her abuse was in any way mitigated or justified and bringing it up as an excuse is completely fucked up. I can't even imagine someone trying to go down that line with my rapist; I would lose it. That's part of why I never ever talk about it IRL. You're not wrong for dealing with your trauma in your own way. Nor are you wrong for wishing you could have a little compassion and understanding from people that claim to be on the side of victims. The only thing I want to say is that, I would be careful of implying victims of male abusers are generally treated well. They also get awful treatment from women and men alike. I know you were complaining about individuals, but since you are an anon I want to clarify so it doesn't get generalized. Sorry just thought it was worth mentioning.

[ileaveclawmarks]

to be honest sometimes i feel so disconnected from “femme” im sure u all know just from reading my past posts like idk. It just seems like everyone else does “femme” soooo much more differently than how i do it. like i feel like ive said it before but when lesbians circulate posts that say shit like “femme isnt about being feminine its more than that” but in the same minute be reblogging stuff like “ill protect my butch with my sharp stilettos 😈” or “i look so cute in my tiny skirt, fishnets, and waxed baby ass” thats telling a different story. LOL. i cant relate at all to what their experience seems to be. I dont wanna do any of that. Like im on the outside of my own identity looking in. and not just that but every other post i see about butches like portrays some animalistic thing like so desperate for sex that she cant help but force it on u. like shes not another living person also searching for a connection … it makes me recoil being on here sometimes. anyways. Sometimes i wish 2 cut all my hair off and never look back. i get this urge that draws me to transmasculine expression … or at least to finding a community that isnt pornrotted like this online one is. whatever imma just keep posting my leather dykes #idgaf

[katsurolle]

the way the op of that “idk what baby queer on tumblr needs to hear this” post is literally 17. hello YOU are the baby queer

gjkghghg yeaa .. to be fair when i checked its blog it did make a post abt that whole 'you ARE the baby queer' thing and ig it made that post bec it felt younger queers just like it arent making the effort to understand the experiences of older queers, to learn abt u.s. queer history. which is like. okay. given the access of the USA to internet and whatever. ig a lot of queer youth CAN easily google information re: their local queer history.

but idk. i hate that mentality sooooo much like. im abt to go into a rant rn. but its giving 'why is nobody talking about this!!!??' energy that reeks of liberalism. yes, children and youth can have agency and are their own person etc etc, but at the same time :'] there are so many societal factors that r barring someone from accessing the queer history u claim to be so universal.

and yes while knowing queer history is important to retain and maintain it and pass it on, queer ppl r still Going Through It Today .being queer still Currently a Lived Experience. (plus the usual 'know your queer history' rhetoric is very us-centric and barely acknowledges the diff realities of queerness across the globe so...) so yea. idk man. to put urself on such a high moral pedestal and be like 'omg i know abt this why dont more ppl? why arent they making the same efforts like i am?' and therefore discrediting ppl who literally do not have the capabilities or resources to do so :'] is soooo fucking shitty and is so counterproductive towards equipping these very same people with the knowledge of queerness that they deserve lol.

and this isn't to simply fall back on the 'theyre products of their homophobic/lgbtqia+phobic environments' argument (even though its true). despite the systems and structures in place that foster our ignorance of queerness, it definitely is crucial to better ourselves in these regards as individuals. however!!! why is the blame solely placed on the individual when the efforts they make don't work out. why r the queer youth blamed when so many things are working against them. ageism towards older queers is wrong as hell but to act like baby queers r acting poorly and out of ignorance SOLELY out of their own accord is so dismissive of how the world treats queer ppl n pits us against each other.

anyway tldr. ops post is a suuuper individualistic take and i dislike that so much. i dislike ppl shitting on queer youth so much, focusing on how they're 'turning out bad' instead of acknowledging that their ignorance and shit is because of so many things. because that is not criticism. u r not helping the queer youth learn more abt the community by talking down to them.

[bi-demon-ium]

ok umm i've really not seen any kate stuff? anywhere? so i'd like to hear your thoughts on kate (preferably angst) please!! you are awesome btw <3

ok i don't actually know if you are intending to talk about book!kate or show!kate but i will be mostly if not completely discussing show!kate rip if that was not what you meant but i've seen the show a lot more recently

OKAY. so. i'll start small with some headcanons:

kate is soooo autistic. and adhd. audhd my beloved. yes i say this about pretty much every character i like but with kate it's PARTICULARLY true. (i believe i said in the mbs server the book!kate feels like she has adhd with a side of autism while show!kate feels like she had autism with a side of adhd and i stand by that. but it's vibes based not like, literal.)

but like she can have trouble expressing her feelings, even to herself. she'll either be unable to hide her reactions/expressions, or she'll barely have one at all, and seem unbothered. she's also very blunt and unafraid to state her opinion to anyone, even if it seems "rude". but she isn't rude, really, as it's not that kind of "blunt truth" some assholes like to parade about when they're really just being dicks to everyone. she's still kind, she only says something negative if someone has done something negative (ie, "you are very unpleasant" to someone actively antagonizing everyone in the room is on the table, but just randomly insulting someone for the sake of "blunt honesty" is not. she's never like, mean.)

also shes GAYYYY. or possibly bi, i don't have an opinion on that. on one hand lesbian energy on the other i could definitely see bi bi bi. but if you don't think her and martina got something on i don't know what to tell you. that being said i could also see her as a-spec, but not necessarily in a way that conflicts with Whatever's Going On With Martina. (to be fair, hpwever, one could argue martina was more into kate than vice versa, i could see an argument for aro kate for sure)

green beanie is comfort beanie. she very rarely takes it off. where do you think she got it? angsty answer is somehow it's from her dad, but realistically she probably got it later in life. (doesn't mean she didn't choose it for similar reasons, though... not knowing why she was drawn to the green hat, not remembering it's the same shade as one her father wore....)

also the bucket. i do wonder when she got the bucket. this one, while again a milligan-related reason would be super fucked up (in the fun sad way), i feel like. i feel like it's more that as a kid she felt like she needed to be Prepared. maybe something happened where she wasn't, or maybe she just felt like she wanted to be ready, just in case, all the time. but like. her getting a bucket, modifying it herself, experimenting with different ways to put it on her belt, the inventory changing over the years as some things were discarded or added over time... idk i just think. kate developing her bucket

kate & constance was so good and i want to see more of their friendship. so bad. each realizing the other isn't so bad bc they're forced to work together... chefs kiss. also, the only person other than mr benedict we really see constance actually seem to openly like in some capacity.

kate & sticky underrated. their talk before the cheating was such a good scene. i also want more of this dynamic

i should also mention kate & reynie, which i do genuinely like--the hug is sweet--but i admit is my maybe least favorite of the society dynamics with kate. although i do enjoy the contrast between kate "IM GONNA GO CLIMB THAT TOWER" wetherall and reynie "please why am i the only voice of reason holding this group together" muldoon

i've only explored it in that one fic but i actually think kate & mr benedict would be such a good dynamic, especially because in the show it's inexplicably established he's into engineering. LET THEM BOND OVER BUILDING WEIRD SHIT PLEASE

okay to get a little more into specifics methinks,

i just think a lot about kate like. immediately after season one, and--we'll just. we'll ignore season 2 for now, let's set this in my current anomalous idea of them all in season one (which, rip wetherall farm, but is currently number two & rhonda off at the airshows with mr benedict, constance, milligan, and kate in the house) so like just.

you've been alone your entire life. you've been independent, and you've grown up thinking that the only person you ever had just left you one day for no reason, and in doing so broke a direct promise. and then now, you not only have friends who've you learned to rely on and not just try and do everything yourself, but suddenly you have reliable adults. and more importantly, more specifically, your dad, who never left you but had been taken. had been erased, and even brainswept had never truly stopped looking.

and kate isn't stupid. she heard his story. she knows he must have been through Some Shit. and that he'd have come back if he could. but there's still that pain, that ache, of how long he was missing, for like, more than three quarters of her life! he vanished when she was 3! but now it's like. oh. he did want me. he was taken. he was taken.

so that's an almost identity altering shift in her worldview. and on top of that, her current world is now so completely different: rather than independence and circus life, she's got friends her age who genuinely like her, who she's bonded with through major adversity, and she has adults who actually listen to her and like her. and she has her dad.

and it grates sometimes--she's independent, she doesn't need to be treated like a baby! but also it's like. it's bizarre, because they care, but they don't condescend to her, they do understand she's intelligent and capable even if they want to protect her. and she's never really had adults like that before. not since she was three

so it's a weird mix of like being sort of happy/pleased, because they care, she can rely on them, and being kind of annoyed/frustrated because while she's learned she doesn't need to be entirely independent she still struggles with it. because she's kate wetherall, and she's always prepared, and she feels like she has to be prepared for what will happen if they leave if they're taken from her. she can't rely on them completely, can she? what happens when she loses them again?

and then the mix feelings of old long-buried resentment/anger under buried sadness/loneliness under a crisp crust of i'm perfectly fine, mixed with the new feelings of anger on his behalf, at curtain, sadness at the missing time, at how close he'd been for all these years without either of them knowing it, sadness for him, for herself. but like all of it is still like. under her trying to pretend like she's fine. (and her difficulty expressing emotions, even to herself, does Not Help.)

not to mention as much as genuinely loved the mission in some ways--her new friends (including martina), the adventure, helping people, her bucket coming crazy in handy, etc.--it wasn't exactly a cake walk.

she has nightmares, sometimes: about martina's face when she walked into the waiting room. about sticky's face when he walked out of it. about falling and falling and falling except there aren't warm, safe arms to catch her. about the nodes attached to her face and the long, metallic spires pointed at her, ready to wipe her like her father had been wiped. about her father leaving and never coming home, never being found. about being caught. about losing her friends. about curtain. about all of it.

but she doesn't want to share it because one, she doesn't want them to feel guilty: she did what she had to, and she doesn't regret it. two, and more importantly, she doesn't want them to not let her come on the next mission. (kate had already kind of had the idea that they would have another--they were a team! teams didn't just split up!--but now she's sure of it. curtain's still out there, after all, and he didn't seem the type to just give up.)

i think maybe constance might bully her into talking about it--we already know she can feel dreams (with her comment about sticky dreaming about steak and sticky asking her how she knew that) and as they're on a more even ground she'd be more likely to actually say something. but constance would poke at her about it and probably get her irritated in the process.

(also possible, she talks to mr benedict about this, bc again im a sucker for their dynamic + part of the problem is not wanting to hurt milligan's feelings, and one thing i like about this is i think mr benedict would be extremely kind and understanding about it, and really help like, gently guide her through it, and she'd be like wow adults have never actually helped me before, wild, and then the second she leaves he's like [collapsing into a mess] oh god. oh god. because on one hand he just desperately hopes that helped, and on the other hand, he's having a million crises. oh god. he put actual kids in danger. she's so small number two. number two she's so fucking small and she's having nightmares and it's my brother that took her dad and ohmygodohmygodohmygod. like literally it's like he goes from "kalm" to "PANIK" the second shes out of range. like the dissonance between mr benedict (around the kids, a calm and kindly mentor who seems to know what he's doing for the most part) and nicholas (0.0003 seconds from a panic attack rn, full to the brim with anxiety and guilt) is. hilarious, in a sad way. but i digress, mr benedict tangent over, sorry)

ANYWAY also kate and milligan. like. getting to know him again, and vice versa. this is personally painful for me. like so many years, this disconnect between them hurts, but like. it starts with that hug, with her letting herself lean into his side, letting him put an arm around her shoulders, and he's like. in tears a bit. and like. then over time just. trying to tell each other about their lives--particularly kate recounting her adventures--and marveling a bit at how similar they are in many ways. milligan slowly getting memories back and remembering her as a little girl and seeing her now, all grown up but so small and hurt still, and like. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

i also have so many thoughts head full on them & mr benedict, and also throwing in constance and everyone really, but that's too many and this is already long and i dont even know how to put it to words so i'll refrain for now. anyway my point is: kate wetherall. hug her please

[fairycosmos]

different person but i also wanted to say that i rlly appreciate your post on not really being into romance, i don’t consider myself aromantic or whatever but im just genuinely not super interested in it all, like if i ever met someone than sure! but i’m not in a rush to do so. i’m just starting my life in my young 20s and i have more (personally) interesting stuff going on that im focused on! also it’s definitely a little weird to me how co-dependent some people are on their romantic partners and how some people don’t see themselves as people without an SO. idk i just feel like a whole person already

u get it! also no prob. you worded it soooo well and this was very cathartic to read i feel so seen and understood through you. literally i don't feel any "lacking" by being 21 and single the way everyone around me expects me to. and in fact it's when i go out onto the dating scene that i begin to feel a "lacking" from the whole experience of it. dating really is not the axis on which my life turns and i think that's so normal idk why we're made to feel weird for it! also EXACTLY. like, to me the bizarreness comes from ppl who literally can not exist without their partners. people who see my very average casual life as devoid just because i don't have some dude waiting for me at home cluttering up the sink with his unwashed dishes and unwashed ass or whatever the fuck. like i really don't get ppl who only feel valid and real in their lives via romance! and ykw it would be one thing if that was just their experience but they project onto me like crazy and it's TIRING to deal with, you know what i mean? "i feel like a whole person already" you said it and i want to be ur best friend for real. mwah x

[lizandbo]

Long distant relationships w/ mha bois

Ok so I’ve been thinking almost all of my fanfics are haikyuu and now I’m suddenly doing my hero? So I’m sorry the haikyuu lovers:( but I will do more later:P when I get shit together another also this is my favorite love trope thingy or whatever the hell it’s called ans I prolly will make pt 2 of this

Todoroki

- king of giving you gifts

- with endeavors credit card of course

- writes letters too

- one time on Valentine’s Day he wrote you the most romantic poem and letter on the entire earth

- boi be really being hopeless romantic

- calls more than texts

- more like FaceTime

- when he facetimes you he’s soooo close to the camera

- like ya know that one person who always got their nose right up to your screen?

- yeah that him

- never missed a goodmorning, goodnight or a hello and goodbye text

- never ever had missed the opportunity to say that

- kisses the camera too sometimes a lot

- I’m sorry but he’s just not the type to go “yo gm y/n, my day was ok, wbu?” or something like that shit

- or emojis either, he may do it to express himself better but she thinks their weird af

- when you finally bought the plane tickets and flew over there, he was so happy

- actually smiled for once

- liek smiley diley smiled ya know?

- was sooooo happy that you were there in person

- being on call or text isn’t the same as being there in his arms obviously

- hadn’t really received affection at all so he def surprised when you hugged him

- i mean yeah he hugged you but he’ll be absolutely stiff as a mf brick wall

- makes soba, but like... idk if you would eat it cold but...gotta try new things.. right?

- loves to cuddle you since he has no experience and this is his first time:D

- ok, so ya know at the start I said king of getting you gifts? So he was thinking and deciding what to get since you came over here in Japan

- so he bought this huge life sized teddy bears

- yeah he surprised you right back

- goes to a lot of restaurants and cafés w/ you

- and a lot of dates about random shit

- his kisses are so sofffftttt

- likes to hide his head in your neck

- n kisses it

- when the time has come, you will never ever be forgotten in his heart

- oh my fuck im like saying as if you were bout to die or some shit

- but he’s gonna be real sad like you are

- but he knows that your coming back soon enough

- so he be a lil not devastated but still sad tho

- hopes that you have a safe trip and has that one last kiss with him before you have to leave

- literally just watching you from the window to go to the airport and silently cry

Mina

- girl loves you and wants you to be in her arms NOW

- of course you can’t:( you live in America

- she understands that it’s your home

- godamn she misses youuuuuu

- she wants to live with you or you to come here to live with her once you guys are grown up

- text you a lot

- more than a person would usually

- text you morning and night text, and random shit

- more like your daily meme shitshow

- cuz she loves to text you random memes all day everyday

- when you finally fly to Japan she’ll be sooo ecstaticcccc

- jumping up and down like a true fan girl that she is

- you Sneaked into her room and sat there until she came back

- and it was a long time cuz she was hanging out with prolly the bakusquad or some shit

- but if she had known that you were there then she’ll def zip her tail right back to her dorm room

- all you do is literally snuggle together like cats for the WHOLE DAY

- i mean yeah being ina plane for xyz hours is a lot

- but you also starving

- when I say starving, I meant starving

- anyway, yeah you two were a wizard in the kitchen

- made your favorite dish and she did the lady and the tramp thing we’re doing the spaghetti thing

- goes to a lot of shops and buys a lot of clothes for you and her

- does a lil fashion show with the two of you in a dress rooms in the shop

- you will have so many clothes to the point that you have to get another bag to go with you at home, and she’ll eventually take some of your clothes in her closet cuz she loves your smell

- even tho you might either smell like a dead moldy possum from the junkyard or the most refreshing flower

- shell love it trust me

- buys matching pins for both of yous

- at nightime she’ll watch tiktoks and cuddle you

- loves how warm you are no matter what

- when You have to go she’ll be at your feet crying

- poor bby doesn’t want you to leave

Kirishima

- kiri my dude will be a cringey emoji texter

- and somewhat a slow texter

- while you guys are messaging its prolly gonna be early mornings for him and at the afternoon

- sometimes when he works out in his dorm he’s gonna be doin pushups and shit and while you talk about your day together

- on your birthday or other special day he’ll send you gifts

- tried to send you flowers but they didnt really survive

- mans tried tho! - when you came to japan he hugged and you kissed and all the fluffy and good things that came with eijiro

- i mean you knew what you were heading into in the beginning of the relationship

- when you surprised him from him talking to other peeps from the behind of his back

- he was not expecting you

- thr love of his life rose him from the dead becuase when he heard your voice his soul practically leaving out of his body

- YAY your BACK

- he’s gonna move faster than the mf tape measures thats for sure

- his arms are gonna be wrapped around your head and playing with your hair while whispering lovely complements and thank youz that your being here in the flesh

- bridal style carries you to his room since you guys were in the common room

- asks if your hungry, if the flight was ok or not and whatnot

- and of course you said yes your hungry because they really do starve you

- mmkay he does really, really does tries to cook

- personally I think he’ll good at meat and cooking it

- mans loves meat

- but he’s just not that great at it

- so make your own food, its all you rn

- so when you eat together because he really wants to spend allllll thehhhehehhee time in the world with you rn cuz he just really misses you

- after eating he obviously has to cuddle n snuggle you to death

- after a while of being in japan, you had to go back home

- manly tears on the spot

- he doesnt want you to go but you have to:(

- will def want to surprise you while your in america

[mokutone]

sorry if this is random but i was just curious about your thoughts on sai? i know you have a lot of thoughts on yamato fhdjdlfn and his and yamato’s relationship always seemed so interesting and really underdeveloped :[ theyre both really similar but yamato was able to get out of ROOT before sai was, and i was just wondering if you had any thoughts on that/him to share. sorry if this is weird or out of the blue djshfkfj love your art!!

that's not weird at all!!! actually the day u sent this question in i had finalized the thumbnails (and started on the pencils!) for a comic wherein Yamato comments on how Sai is handling his transition out of ROOT differently than Yamato himself did! I don't want to lay all my thoughts on that out here, because I think i'm much more clumsy with textposts than with comics, but I appreciate the question and I will share some thoughts!

under a readmore tho bc. this got Long...comics force me to be concise but w/ a keyboard under my hands i just chatter

here's something I've been thinking abt! I think they had fundamentally different experiences in ROOT, and this is reflected in their attitudes towards Danzō, as well as the way they interact with the people outside of ROOT.

Sai seems to have no real loyalty to Danzō. He does what Danzō says because Danzō gives him his orders, when he practices his fake smile in front of Danzō, Danzō immediately tells him to cut that shit out. I don't think there's a lot of love lost there—when team Kakashi catches up to him in orochimaru's hideout, and they kind of confront him, and. also kind of. "give him the option" of abandoning his mission (and ROOT along with it) or. you know. facing shinobi consequences. he doesn't really seem to think much of it? honestly. i imagine he was probably a little more relieved than anything else. Add to that him remembering how he wanted to finish the drawing of his brother—

actually wait hang on thats another point I want to talk about. Sai was pitted against the person he was closest to in order to traumatize him into numbness! wack! I think that's kind of at the root (help.) of why I see him as a fundamentally angrier character than I see Yamato—and why I interpret some of his behavior not just as Not Knowing How People Work (although he does have trouble with this! it's a very different vibe. like. him trying to comfort Naruto and Naruto thinking Sai was coming onto him was an entirely different kind of situation) but as like. intentionally inflammatory sometimes...like. he's insulted the bodies of most of the people around him in one way or another, he knows it pisses them off, he does keep doing it. I think him Causing Problems On Purpose is sometimes just a way for him to try and experience catharsis for a fury he doesn't really know he's repressing. Like. idk. it's one thing to be forced to hurt yourself, that's deeply upsetting, disembodying, traumatizing, but it's another to be forced into a situation where you're to hurt somebody you love (regardless of the outcome) like. idk. its a kind of powerlessness that hits different at least ime, and frustration and resentment are extremely normal reactions to a situation like that. i think. a number of things could be appealing to him abt trying to get others to get angry at him—whether it's Him being the one to Cause another persons anger (which could confer a kind of. feeling of control) or him seeing himself reflected in their anger (like a "boy howdy i recognize this emotion. it's very clear. very understandable") or even seeing how they handle the anger. kishimoto definitely doesn't care nearly as much about Sai's anger. but i found the implication of it compelling as a kid, and I find it more compelling as an adult! anger can be an incredibly healing and protective force sometimes when dealing w/ trauma...and I wish kishimoto knew what he was writing about or that we got to see it explored more!!! ack!

yamato (as kinoe) had a wildly different experience when he was in ROOT.

we know he knew how to fight against sharingan, which. I think implies he was training in combat with Danzō, or that he worked closely with Danzō, or at the very least that Danzō used his sharingan on him. We also saw that (unlike Sai, who was rebuked for even fake-smiling) that Kinoe (at first) was not told to feel nothing, but instead instructed on how to feel by Danzō specifically. Like, mostly telling him to Feel Grateful etc, but I think him being told to experience specific feelings according to what Danzō thought was appropriate would lead to a different relationship with his emotions than Sai, who was told explicitly to repress them all at all times, and to not even attempt to preform them.

He also like. Thought. Highly. of Danzō, not just as a leader but as a person...it's kind of undeniable that Kinoe saw him as right, was willing to brand his own feelings and intuition wrong if it crossed Danzō's, openly sought Danzō's approval, when he fails his mission to secure Kakashi's eye, his reaction is. essentially immediately to return himself to Danzō to face whatever new dehumanization Danzō's got for him— even when Kakashi and Hiruzen drag him out of there he thanks Danzō for everything, and he seems genuine about it, despite. everything. He's more expressive than Sai for sure, He had like. a moment of anger, when he said that he wanted to be Tenzō, and Danzō denied him that basic self identification...but it's quickly squashed. Messy. Messy. I think. I think he has a little more trouble getting in touch w/ his anger than Sai bc of his emotional closeness to Danzō.

i think. because yamato knows that he was something more like Danzō's favorite, and that conveyed a vastly different experience than Sai's, he might feel a little complicated about being like "So...ROOT trauma, huh? Hell of a thing!" but. i also like to think that he's very quietly kind of trying to observe and support in a way which mostly allows Sai to figure himself out—I think when they are older they would probably talk about it more (also because then their tongue-seals will have finally disappeared. Thanks sasuke!), once Sai has close friends in the village and everything

Just a lot of like. "I have friendships down. I have teammates down, easily—but what am I to the old woman I buy my cabbages from. What degree of friendliness do I exhibit to her."

"I think...whatever you're comfortable with is fine. I know neither of us had particularly normal upbringings, but you don't have to execute every interaction perfectly for people to care about and respect you."

anyway god this is so long and soooo based in my own personal HCs. I hope there was something in here that was interesting to you!

[scoups4lyfe]

Hi Karen anon here, long time no see (cause 8 just check tumblr like once a week and that just to read your liveblog. Usually i come to check it on Wed cause uhh I keep remembering the 30 hours anon lol chile anyway).

See, thanks to the newly added tags it did make my reading easier. But, I was scrolling for fun when I encountered the (excuse me if this sound rude) that mf 'interesting' anon. So pls excuse me while I put my Karen wig on

I know this is just Tumblr but people should really be professional. Your blog isnt a ship blog or whatever (though I noticed you just merely implying it sometime) so I found it really annoying that the anon attack you for something taht didnt have anything to do at all. Cause well, I will be honest. Im just interested in your blog bc of the fun af liveblog and the amazing analysis (i read the Ikki analysis so much its my bed time story/hj). And Im quite sure almost everyone who came to your blog is also come for the same reason. So what our personal ship is irrelevant to this blog (well at least thats how far I observed it)

*Taking my wig off* now that was done.

As always, I enjoy reading the live blog. Though I find it weird that in the ep 22 preview, it felt like everything go back to normal? Like Hiromi didn't just unalived down the cliff 😂. But well I will be anxiously waiting for that ep 🙏🙏

Also funny story, so I am someone who likes spoiler. So I will search spoiler on twitter first. Apparently, they all said that Daiji was useless in ep 21 and Im like "Naurr dont be mean to Daiji guysss" (bc they say that /every episode/ it basically a joke). Unfortunately, after watching ep 21 myself Daiji did feel even more....useless (this is strictly my opinion I swear lmao). Like, nah Daiji I cant defend you anymore like this 😂

Well sorry for the long af ask. Thank you for your hardwork and I will wait for the Oltecca(?) analysis. See you next week 🥰🥰 (take care of your health. The covid cases in country really spike up so hard this week 😔)

KAREN ANON????

Ayyyyy howdy buddy.

I'm glad the new tags help LOL

JDSKFJASDFJSDFDSF

THE KAREN WIG

'm glad for your wig'ed defense 🤣🤣🤣🤣 and yessssssssss

yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

I'm glad you like my analysis posts LOL!! And awh <333 it's always nice to hear y'all are having fun with the nonsense I've thrown into the abyss aasjdfjsdfjdf

AND YEAH G, I felt the SAME seeing the next episode preview. Really lol'ed cause it felt like we went back to the 'monster of the week' episodes aksdjflkjsdfj.

Tho I know the writers like to troll with us so idk I wouldn't be surprised if every other moment in that episode is just 'sibs mourning' hours. Sooooo funny too cause if it isn't,,,, and everyone's actin like nothing happened lmaooo that's STILL in character

#repress repress repress LOL

AHHHH USELESS DAIJI !!! BROOOO

soooo funny that's Daiji's pet peeve about himself too lasjdfksdf ;;;that he can't ever seem to do anything (esp when it really matters LOL!)

See, Daiji hates being the "damsel in distress" but that's all he was ever taught to be (cause Ikki and Sakura literally did everything else) and that was another big reason why he went out into the world and got some crazy asf job -- because he wanted to prove to himself too that he's able to do things on his own

but likeeeeeee, idk old habits die hard hahahaha

(Also doesn't help that in times of great stress Daiji clams up instead of being able to properly react to the situation. Aka he just shuts down.)

My homie is still learning just *how* to do things on his own, and then the Kagerou fratricide-stint really had him back-sliding in any positive development he had previously LOL!!!

My homie is the picture boy for Learned Helplessness

"People that experience repeated abuse and other aversive situations eventually learn to become helpless if nothing they do changes it. It’s as if they internalize that since nothing worked in that situation, nothing will work in similar situations, either. The trauma begins to erode two other critical aspects of mental well-being — self-efficacy and internal locus of control."

haha yoinks. Man I wish we got more flashbacks of the Igarashi sibs past cause DAMN. Pls man give me some bread in this desert.

"Self-efficacy is your level of confidence that you can tackle challenges and learn new skills. Internal locus of control is the degree to which you believe your circumstances are under your control. When these two traits are high, you feel confident and empowered, even when things get tough. Stressors seem controllable, and you know that you can trust yourself to do your best.

When learned helplessness takes over, though, you don’t feel so sure of your ability to handle challenges. You don’t believe that what you do makes a difference, and that makes it hard to see a way out — let alone a silver lining."

(These quotes are taken from: 'What is Learned Helplessness and how do you 'unlearn' It?' blog post/article)

Anyways It's obvious that Ikki's over-parenting has lead to this situation. And I think what makes it worse is that Sakura is more useful/helpful than he is.

(She wants to be seen as capable so she steps up to do as much as she can / to manage what Ikki isn't able to)

So now he's placed in the position of being especially useless LOL.

Anyways, Daiji has a lotttt of problems :')). He's literally the perfect target for cult recruitment.

(Which might be one of the reasons why he's still so quick to defend shady ass Fenix. Fenix is one of the few things he positively attributes to himself, so if Fenix is bad then that just means Daiji's failed *again* at doing the right, correct, moral, 'good', thing.

It's the *only* thing he has giving him any lick of worth. The only thing making him useful. Everything he's accomplished will go to ZILCH the moment Fenix isn't part of the 'good guys.' So,,,for him its just easier to ignore all the red flags. Cause he doesn't want to hate himself more than he already does, rip.)

[quirklessidiot]

aoba johsai’s sport’s journalist (h/c’s)

just crack+ fluff + platonic-ish relationship (gn!y/n) (w: language!) a/n: this has been bugging me for awhile now since i havent seen headcanons of this yet (if their are do send them on my ask box) and since im on a slump, i decided to write this down. this is completely fun, easy-going, and self-indulgent, really perfect for someone stuck on a slump ksks. idk if i should make some for the other schools but oh welp enjoy! happy 900 btw werkwerk uwu so weird to reach this when im not even very active.

Now let’s be honest here, it’s no surprise that the volleyball team of aoba johsai has their own sports journalist. Like, c’mon, they’re one of the best in the prefecture.

But let’s start with the basics here, shall we? Let’s start with you, how this all goes through, and how you got into this heaping pile of mess.

Yep, you.

There you were in high hopes to get into journalism for college so what better way was it than to apply for the school paper? It would definitely look good and pretty in those college applications *chef’s kiss* you’re a second year btw idk if that matters but yeah..

Much to your surprise no one was applying for the news section which was kind of sad since you wanted a buddy there.

but-but it turns out though everyone was applying for the sports section completely understandable, next to feature, it was the most exciting thing to write because there was going to be a special section and writer for the volleyball team.

You knew that volleyball was kind of a big thing around your school?? you just didn’t expect it to amass like that much people.

The editor in chief is obviously surprised, you were the first person on that day to come in there and actually apply for something else.

and guess where that led you to?

Yep, the sport’s section, specifically the volleyball team’s personal sports journalist. Your brain goes brrt brrt because you were not a sports writer at all and you were, ironically, scared of ball games.

VOLLEYBALL WAS COMPLETELY NEW TERRITORY FOR YOU.

Your editor in chief laughs it off and says, “you’ll do fine… its like news bUT SPORTS! IT’LL DEFINITELY LOOK GOOD IN YOUR APPLICATIONS!”

You’re not sure if you should be terrified or terrified?

It doesn’t help that on the first day when you enter the gym you look terribly constipated and panicking a lot because of all the stray balls being spiked and tossed around.

It also didn’t help that you crash course the terminologies and the member’s name a night before and you were just running on iced coffee that day.

Yeah, way to make a first impression, huh?

When you approach the coach, you’re not exactly sure what to say and you were this close to chickening out until you saw one of the players come up to you and ask if you were alright and if you wanted to talk to oikawa.

you’re loading for a second there.

and the poor guy who asks you if you were alright, starts looking actually worried because you weren’t responding at all.

“OH, oH IS THAT THE CAPTAIN?”

the guy literally looks very confused?? because what kind of rock were you living under that you didn’t know Oikawa???

so you go ahead and introduce yourself and say that your name was Y/N and you were the new sports journalist for the team.

“....soooo you write?”

“...”

at this point on, you’re also confused too

and idk man, first impressions do indeed last because you ended up (unknowingly) sharing the same brain cell with Matsukawa Issei.

you both were just confused there, straight up looking like two kids who got left behind by their mom in the grocery check-out line.

anyways...

He tells you the team’s pretty chill and you should stop looking like they spiked a ball on your puppy or something.

Basically introduces you to the whole team after, 

no questions asked, just go with the flow.

You basically just click and vibe???

Not only because you crash coursed and related to whatever they said, 

you literally all shared the same brain cell together.

Kentaro was another story though, kid basically hated your guts at first, it felt like if you were to say one sentence to him that day, he’d literally spike a ball at your direction.

“we’re basically the same year tho :(” -Y/N

“lmao well do i’ve got news for you, y/n-chan.” - Oikawa and basically everyone on the team.

you gradually start to understand the coolness of the sport since you had to incorporate visiting them once or twice a week during practice.

but suddenly it becomes almost a daily routine after a month because they’re just really friendly people??

like wow, they’re all friendly giants.

You’re literally just there to write about them but they’re really patient and kind, they even invite you to practice games so that you could practice out your skills in writing since you mentioned that you’ve never written for sports yet.

they even give you some added key terms that aren’t found in books and online.

you’re def closest to iwaizumi and matsukawa.

iwaizumi because he makes really funny fish jokes about oikawa (yes you arent supposed to be laughing but man theyre funny af, oikawa would usually call you and iwa corny because the jokes aren’t even that funny) and yes its canon that whenever iwaizumi sees an oikawa fish in textbooks, he starts laughing and joking about it.

no explanation needed why you ended up being close to matsukawa.

its obvious after that first meeting ya both would be besties.

same brain cell bros go brrt brrt.

incredibly!! supportive!! I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH

like when you release a new write up about them, Oikawa would usually go, “It’s such an honor to be apart of your first steps, can you sign this?”

dramatic but hella supportive, we stan the gr8 king

“oh, wow, i thought you said you didn’t write before? how come you sound like a professional already?” - Hanamaki 

another dramatic best boi.

akira + kindaichi getting shy because they’ve never experienced this yet. So whenever you try to interview them about stats or something for a special issue, they usually end up a stuttering mess

“w-well, L/N-san...”

kentaro slowly warming up to you but still looks like he wants to spike a volleyball at your face 90% of the time but unlike before you’re used to his whole thing already.

“Move, extra.”

“You were great, by the way. That was a powerful spike!”

you may or may not be included in random ramen nights with the team

yes, oikawa buys you your own bowl of ramen

itadakimasu.

he doesn’t mind tho, he really loves how you write them. 

so its sort of a thank you for giving the team justice when you write about them.

team says you’re technically part of the team so they make you your own jersey. Now when you watch your games people ask if you’re like the manager or smthng.

“ no :’) “

When they lost against shiratorizawa and karasuno, you were bawling too like you were apart of the team.

this pretty much cheered everyone up despite the loss because your crying face was apparently very funny and memable.

oh right, your article was passed on to the town’s newspaper

it was literally like 7 am on a saturday and your notifs went zoop.

they added you to their group chat and spammed you with pictures of the articles that you wrote.

“...wOW I CAN’T BELIEVE IT?? YOU GOT FRONT PAGE FOR SPORTS???” -Oikawa

“we didn’t even win the tournament but we still get a feature?? thats so cool?? holy shit?? CONGRATS KSKSKS” -matsukawa

lmao idk matsukawa looks like a keyboard smasher tbh idk why

pretty much its normal for you to even start hanging out already outside of the court and after practice to get steam buns.

more chaotic mess and clumsy you running around.

your volleyball sports writing experience wouldn’t be complete until someone accidentally spikes a ball at the back of your head amaright?

ironically, it’s yahaba who does that to you. poor smoll bean.

“wow, you’re dumb.” -kentaro says to you

“ :’)” -you.

“y/N-SAN I SWEAR IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.” -yahaba 

overall, you found yourself in a safe haven with the volleyball team and yes, you also cried when the third years graduated. 

the third years have a picture with everyone on the team + you with a very red face from all the crying?? once again, you’ve proven yourself to be a meme.

continued to write for them up until graduation.

and its def obvious you kept in touch with all of them after, duh.

[yyxgin]

no bar!! never fret about replying late. i know what it’s like to not want to talk to anyone. honestly. i won’t call it (my experience) a depressive episode bc one of my friends used to brush off me when i was saying things like i’m depressed and say ‘sad’ instead. like if i were to say ‘that made me/i am depressed’ she’d say something like ‘oh god same! like if it’s making you sad,, don’t do it.’ which is a v poor example of what she did but i never called it depressed after that bc she pissed me off n was disregarding of my feelings (even though she’s incredibly anxious herself) bc i didn’t get it officially diagnosed. idk if you’ve ever read about birth control pills but i always read on tumblr people calling them literal depression pills and i ignored it, thinking either 1) people were being dramatic / were over-dramatising it or 2) it wouldn’t happen to me anyway. it fucking happened and they were not being dramatic. i was never happy n always working on minimal sleep n making self depreciating jokes all the time bc it was the only way i could cope with my thoughts n constant mood swings. so what i’m trying to say is,, i know how it feels. if that’s any consolation. it’s not me trying to be ‘oh me too!’ or ‘mine was worse than you’ it’s just me being understanding n telling you it’s okay. also lemme at your friends!! i’ll stomp them out n get the barman to run them over for you!! they’re so mean to forget you!! i find that deciding i want to do something specific n then asking the appropriate people if they want to do saïd thing/place works for me. it can be a simple ‘we should do this, when are you free?’ helps. making it known that you want to do things helps. or aggressively remind them that it’s nice to be asked bc it means they thought of you even if you couldn’t go n tried to include you. or we can revisit me stomping them out w my beloved barman,,, whatever works best for you my dear <3

admittedly me and one of the girls were discussing that we are going to miss our manager. even though literally everyone moaned about her (i feel like it’s impossible to avoid in literally any job/situation) she did have her moments and she did a lot for the staff like after work-drinks, asking the chefs if we could order off of the customer menu instead of the staff menu or whatever they cook in bulk for everyone to take home in the evening. apparently she did this a lot more than the previous manager. she has a good heart but sometimes she ignored some of the girls when we ask for days off or our availability for the week which was very annoying of her. it could’ve been a lot worse, i suppose, but overall she wasn’t terrible.

thé lady who lives in my town and drops me given the chance, told me the other night that she used to be the duty manager. i asked her why she stopped and she explained that when they furloughed everyone they asked her to come back on like half pay or something? idk i just remember it being explained as they wanted her to come back sooner and take away her furlough so she said no and got demoted. but somehow she still gets some of the furlough? idk i have been taught that asking how much or discussing specifics of paychecks kind of thing is rude, growing up. she has been telling me they keep asking her to come back (now they’re asking her to be a supervisor since she declined the manager role) and she keeps saying no. i love her and want the best for her so i won’t say anything to anyone about the conversations me and her have had (i mean, apart from maybe my mum if i can remember, and you bc, let’s be real, you don’t know me and idk you) and she says they’re just difficult to work with as a management team. she even said our area manager isn’t impressed with our current assistant manager (who is currently the only person on an houred contract since our manager left) which shocked me since i personally think he is quite good considering he has a good relationship with the staff and kitchen (he’s thai so he can communicate with the kitchen better than most of the wait staff (some wait staff are thai but mostly not)) i think she doesn’t want to be the eldest person in management or she doesn’t want the age gap to be so big since she has a kid she can lecture at home, she doesn’t need to be looking after people at work, y’know?

also today, me and one of the girls were upstairs (two floors of the restaurant!) and it’s nearing 11pm and her brother (who also works there) comes up and asks us when we’re finishing (mostly her lol) but we had two tables just sitting talking amongst themselves so she just said idk. he was saying he wanted to go bc he’s tired etc n he’s driving n she was like it’s fine go home i’ll call an uber or something n he was refusing to leave her behind. (i feel like i brushed over the two tables sitting there but it must be noted they’re the only tables left in the entire restaurant and we were the only two wait staff still there, apart from her brother but he changed and was waiting downstairs). anyway, she was sweeping (i was cleaning the booth/sofa thingy chairs as it was a mundane task we could do to pass time and while she was sweeping by one of the tables thé boyfriend was whispering to his girlfriend saying ‘should we go?’ and the girlfriend said ‘why should i care?’ and the girl came over to tell me v quietly and i got so upset for her. bc she is literally the sweetest person on the earth and the only reason i didn’t go to ask the manager to see if i could go home with the lady who offers to take me (ex-duty manager lady!) was so she wasn’t alone up there. if i had been the one sweeping near that table i would’ve snapped so fucking hard at them. i mean, we’re 18 and have lives and sleep schedules, and we’re working until 11pm on a thursday before we even get home?? like i wouldn’t have minded staying if they were reasonable tables but after the gf said that i was like ‘shall i go get our stuff from the staff room?’ so i could split as fast as possible. in the end the temporary acting manager came up and told us we could finish and she kicked the tables out ten minutes later. i told her what the table saïd and she thought that was mean and unnecessary too. i was also worried about my sleep tonight since i have my first vaccine tomorrow morning. that’s why i was more pressed about what time i left work today. oh well.

im sorry for talking so much about work! sometimes i don’t have someone to talk to about it (at home) bc of my weird hours and sometimes i don’t like re-explaining things to my mum if she doesn’t get it the first seven times. sometimes it’s just a little too draining as she doesn’t understand since she’s a lifer at her job. it’s easier to explain to my dad but then i get a whole lecture on something that i ultimately have no control over n id rather just bitch w the girls at work but the problem is WE’RE AT WORK!!!

also i booked for my first tattoo!! i’m excited. it’s for next week,, which was super quick considering i was expecting to have to wait soooo much longer. i’ve been telling people about it and that it’s happening but i haven’t had the pleasure of telling people exactly where i got the idea from. bar, my dear, you know wheein’s new album, redd? well, it comes with loads of things, including these stickers (one for each song) and the one from springtime was just so perfect and when i saw it my first thought was, this would be a perfect tattoo. and so i am having it tattooed on my body. a subtle nod to kpop whilst also having something meaningful on my body. i also have just decided i want a small, minimalistic (or one-line art) rose on my sternum, kind of in the valley of my breasts, bc my nan was a rose. i like having her close to me. i recently got her necklace fixed which has left me feeling so incomplete after it broke in august last year. it’s been almost ten years and i think i’m long overdue something to remind me of her. i fiddle with my necklace when i’m nervous which is why i love it so much but incase it breaks again (i pray it doesn’t but i have a long life ahead of me) i would like her close still.

gosh there’s never enough space in my head to remember what i want to tell you so i’ll stop here for now since i should sleep to be able to wake up in time for my first jab. i’m scared but it’s whatever i’ll do it i suppose,, eeek 😨

ilyl ~ 🌻

thank you so much for opening up to me about this, it means a lot to me :( i am so sorry you had to go through this and honestly,, i really resonate with you. i feel like when i talk about my emotions and my sadness (dont know if its okay to call it depression either but yea), my friend either always either makes me feel like my emotions arent valid or she tells me she doesnt know how to help, which is frankly, why i dont talk about my emotions to people irl anymore. i dont open up and it takes me a long long time to do so if i ever do, because i tend to feel insecure/not safe :D so really, thank you for telling me and i hope you are doing better. your emotions are valid and i am always here for you 

HAHAHA i mean i dont have many friends so theres not many to stomp on:( but i mean,, i get passive aggressive when i feel forgotten/left out so you best believe i told my friend how im feeling, but like uhhh it didnt do much. i spent the whole weekend at work and i was free on friday but my friend decided to ditch me and yeah. i havent been out in like two weeks now and i mean i am an introvert so i dont mind that much but even i want to socialise sometimes

aah i mean every manager has their flaws, no one’s perfect. my manager keeps calling me to go to work even though i was literally there for 11 hours on saturday AND sunday which means i worked for 20 hours in two days. and i work 20 hours a week at max. and i already worked some hours before the weekend so i think i have like 30 hours now and she keeps calling??? dude i need a break too,,i am so exhausted and tired of this shit :dd

oh i totally get what the lady that drops you off sometimes told you. i would feel a little iffy if i heard it too, but like,,,judge by your own experiences!! if you feel like something is off, you can always leave,, so i wouldn’t be so stressed about it.

why are people so rude ??? dude,,you should care, because we are all human. everyone has their needs and their lives and i bet he wouldnt like it if he was the one in your place. why should you stay there longer just because he didnt want to leave?? that was so unnecessary. people are weird beings and i learnt that after working with them this weekend,,,like i litereally got screamed at because i couldnt accept cash in different currency. like,,what tf do you want me to do?? i dont have every single currency with me so i could give u the change ?? tf ??

ALSO ITS OKAY TALK ABOUT YOUR WORK HOWEVER MUCH YOU WANT !!!! i also feel like i dont have anyone to talk to about work bc my parents dont listen to me as much as they used to these days and my friend unsurprisingly just doesnt care bc she doesnt work,, and i dont wanna talk to my internet friends abt it as much bc i feel annoying so i am glad us two can talk about these things together !!!! 

YOUR FIRST TATTOOOO WHOAAAH thats so cool. i love tattoos hihi dfkja idk if u already had the appointment but tell me how it went after !! i wasnt able to find the sticker on the internet but im sure it looks hella pretty. also i love how it reminds you both of kpop and your grandma, its wonderful <3 i really want to get a tattoo one day,, and i also want something meaningful (not that i am hating on people that tattoo themselves just for fun and have no meaning behind their tattoos i just have commitment issues so i want something long lasting). alSO my crush (yes i have a crush now ew) has a tattoo and it looks like satan lowkey,,but apparently its a japanese something (i forgot the word oopsies) and it means jealousy, bad past and wisdom ?? i was like BOY IF U DONT??? fjdkla he has blue hair btw i am very much whipped but he also doesnt know me and i am older than him so this is embarrassing

ALSO I HOPE YOURE FEELING WELL AFTER GETTING THE VACCINE !!! 

ily <333