#sorry folks i just needed to rant some junk out

[midknitefox]

fallout 4 positng again I'm borwd

I'm halfway through a thing of frosting don't. don't come at me bros.

HANCOCK APPRECIATION MOMENT. I have an obsession. stepped on a mine and he went "are you okay? see any more?"

my HEART.

who couldn't love this man your first interaction is him stabbing the fuck outta a guy who tried to scam you. it's beautiful, really. get yoself a man willing to stab someone for u when you haven't even met yet.

slash jay dont

don't stab people pls this is fiction

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I think nick is better in a fight. oh god

this guy has a mini gun NOPENOPENOPENOPEOPENOEPEMOPNO

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i died

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I killed someone and he said "you handled yourself pretty well, sister"

explodes

HANCOCK STOP NOOOO

HE'S RUNNING INTO THE ROOM WITH THE MINIGUN GUY

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He fucking stabbed her to death what the actual fuck how did he not die (legendary gunner???? wtf????)

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I stole the minigun

perfect for me (Hancock keeps giving me drugs, and he likes when I get hooked on em. I refuse to buy more drugs so until he gives me more drugs I have no drugs. sorry it's not my fault jet is so useful </3)

Hancock I'm glad you're proud of yourself for getting me addicted to everything under the fucking sun. ily <3

oh I'm overweight now. minigun too heavy </3

throws it at Hancock

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does fallout 4 do the same thing as skyrim where if your companions inventory is full you can make them pick stuff up and it'll still work

I dont actually know

Hancock though is now carrying two miniguns (Ashmaker and Junkie's) and a fat man. and I think he has 2 rocket launchers for some reason? not sure.

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I'm so glad I have NO AMMO.

I'm out of 10mm, .44, and the only weapon I can use rn is basically my deathclaw hand

which isn't bad but it's up close and personal . in a gun fight.

I have a shit ton of .38 and .45 (755 and 489 respectively) but no guns for those :/

and now that I think about it I'm out of ammo for both my flamer and cryo thing so idk why I'm carrying them wtf

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maybe I'm overweight from the

yknow

50 fucking mirelurk eggs

why

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unrelated but I watched the show the other day. so good.

genuinely it felt more like the game than anything else I've watched

like . tlou was good. but it didn't feel like the game. fo felt like the game. there were moments that were just. perfect.

random radaways around, the time slowing down slightly in battle feeling like vats, so good

ok rant over (I would love to rant about it more if anyone wants to chat I'm lacking people to talk about it with other than my mother and that's kinda sad)

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I had to step back from a fight due to low hp and Hancock walked up next to me and destroyed them with the minigun I gave him

so real ❤️

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AH GRENADE

I sploded. rip

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STUCK ON DEBRIS 💔💔 WORST DAY EVER

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I picked up a coffee cup and got too much weight

no I refuse to drop the deathclaw hands and hide I lug around

I feel like this is fo4's version of the dragon scales and bones from skyrim </3

..maybe a little lot less heavy . but come on where else do I put em

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AYO HANCOCK

"I didn't say we were finished" in the middle of battle

mMMMmmMMM?????????

I'm so gay

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advanced lock vs a skyrim veteran with 90+ lockpicks, who will win

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yum

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FUCK YOU TOO

sobs violently

I can't believe I'm being forced to drop junk on the ground I'm so sad

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ok but

why

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I have so much jet...... Hancock I love you

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consequences of my actions (i had to drop more junk)

....... I blame the castle.

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HOLY SHIT I JUST GOT DRUGGED WATER

FUCK YEAH

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God I can't handle the dlcs being glitched.

PURPLE GUY!?!??!!?

sobbing. fr

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I'm about 2/3 of the way through this frosting send help

I need to put it away

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I was fixing my blanket and I didn't pause the game but hancock started doing knife tricks

im.

losing it.

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IM SORRY?

i

hate this dlc (not really)

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fuck mirelurks

I have mirelurk trauma (the castle quest)

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dies

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"not a lot of folks would travel with a ghoul, not even one with my charisma" i would any day yes pls ily

"just say the word if you wanna take a little Chem break" I WOULD LOVE TO.

I went to talk to him and i hit "talk" and he went "for you, any time" or something and I'm losing my shit

"seems to me like you're my kinda trouble" when I hit relationship 🥰

random but I love his voice it's just

idk something about it is really nice to me even though it falls into the category of voice types that I usually don't really like

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this has become me obsessing over Hancock holy fuck

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you've gotta be fucking kidding me

SHE CANT FIT AJAHWISHSH

halfway through her hp bar took about 200 bullets

ALL I GOTTA WORRY ABOUT IS THE LITTLE BABIES SHE SHITS OUT AHAHAHA

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........I don't have enough ammo for this like genuinely

[siodymph]

Gonna rant a little under the cut :P Personal problems and mental health, that sort of thing

Like nothing serious is going on with me I don’t think, but I’m feeling this summer depression kinda building up. At first I thought it was just coming on with my menstrual cycle cause that happens to me usually but the negative-junk is lingering. Personally, I theorize that it maybe a culmination of feelings after staying a few days with my increasingly-racists grandparents alone, one of my friends visiting home (idk this one is weird it’s like 1/6 jealously tbh but 5/6 uncomfortableness cause she’ll kinda harp on me about school and finding a job and I know she cares but at the same time I always feel put-down after hanging out with her, even though I still consider her a dear friend), and general stress of transferring colleges and finding money to pay for school, all my cats having medical shit happening to them and whatever the fuck has been building up in my brain without a healthy outlet.

TBH It feels similar to the summer after a graduated high school, but that was like really really bad and this current feeling is more like a sorta demi-piece compared to that shitstorm three years ago.

Also sorta a weird thing but 3 years ago all of my malcontent was aimed directly at me. But this time around instead of thinking really negative of myself and envisioning not-cool things happening to me, it’s over-riding my day dreams. Like I’ll try envisioning something fun and fictional but then my brain sorta veers right suddenly and whatever protagonist im imagining goes through all of this horrible shit that usually ends with them being isolated and both mentally and physically unreachable by the fictional people they cared about. So it’s not me thinking about myself, but arguably it’s still me thinking about myself.

But even though it’s not as bad I’m still getting the feeling I should talk to someone professional about whats going on. But I still have some concerns about that cause I live with my family and am on all their insurance and paperwork. So if I wanna go talk to someone, I’m going to have to tell them first. Which I do not look forwards too at all. TBH we all got emotional-constipation issues and I hate bringing up my mental health and emotional state to anyone in my family. (At least things I don’t have diagnosed. My Sensory, Visual and Auditory processing disorders, that they’re fine with. But me bringing up depression or thoughts of violence I doubt will be as comfortable of a subject. Like I said, emotionally-constipated, also they really don’t like to see me as feeling like that since i’m always personified as the “happy-to-help”, “easy-going flower-child” daughter in my family.)

And if I go to one of my mom’s background doctors or therapists they will most likely have a christian/religious background and while that can be reassuring and strengthening for some people I don’t think it would help me in my current mental state. That and also I’m nervous about sharing my mental thoughts with a doctor and them misinterpreting that I am suicidal or self-harming or worse that I feel an urge to hurt others or anything else that could get me misdiagnosed or in some other trouble.

But I did read on here some folks suggested going to psychologists and therapists still in school training or who recently graduated as they will be closer in age and better empathize with fellow students and young adults trying to make it through life. And I know tumblr is tumblr but I might try looking into that as a viable option. 

So yeah I’m not as bad as I use to be, but every so often this summer I’ve been getting eerily similar waves-of-negative-thought which I do not care for at all. But nothing really bad and I think I’ll be ok. 

And i’m still trying to remember the good, like my buddy being home from the UK and another bud being home for the summer, and my rainbow-bat and monika cosplays and Metrocon later this summer, the science bros fan-week happening soon, and all the fics I wanna write and am working on! And the fact that i did get into USF and well be attending in the fall! So it’s not the end of the world, my mind’s just being weird and negative and I gotta keep an eye on that.

Ok I’m done ranting now lol

[bestworstcase]

I just wanted to say that despite my being a cassunzel shipper and not necessarily agreeing with all of your TTS takes, I do really appreciate your work within this fandom. Or at least the little space you've carved out for yourself. I believe it's okay to have differing opinons about ships or characters or plotlines in a fandom like TTS. It's okay to not vibe with a ship and folks shouldn't take criticisms of the way a ship is presented in canon as an affront to their personhood or a blanket statement to not ship it. You can do your own thing and be just as happy. At least that's what I've come to think after being in fandom for so long. It's just not worth it to get wrapped up in all that and let it make you upset. That's a quick way to let Tumblr or fandom culture in general ruin a thing for you. That being said, I think your analysis posts keep me on my toes, as you often have ideas I've never considered. Which I think is a good thing! Getting outside your comfort zone and trying something a little different than the norm, you know? Plus, I think it takes a lot of skill and work to expand a story like TTS in the way you have in Benighted Snow and I so super respect that story. I was originally quite intimidated by the idea of it and avoided it for a while cause I'm pretty firmly a cassunzel shipper but I'm really glad I read it when I did. Your writing is just really amazing and inspiring in ways I am continuously impressed by. Seriously, reading that story and Bitter Snow has honestly been such an eyeopener when it comes to understanding Cass' character and trying to engage with the lore of the show on a deeper level. There's so much I could say about how much I respect your work. It's got me wanting to understand the lore of the show better or wanting to write for the fandom in general. Your work is so engaging for and extremely detailed and thought through. And in general, I'm always curious about your thoughts about TTS plotlines or characters or whatever cause it always makes me think back on the show in different ways, consider things I hadn't before and want to re-analyze everything. Your ideas have about the show have opened my eyes in a lot of ways. You obviously care deeply about Cassandra and other a lot of other aspects of TTS and expanding and engaging with the lore of this universe! So thank you so much for all of your writing and your many interesting thoughts! I'm always coming back to your blog to see what you have to say (Sorry this is so long)!

my blog is like 95% long ass posts ya never need to apologize for rambling to me kjsjkd

but thank you!! yeah i don’t expect or need or even particularly want folks to agree with all of my thoughts™ and for sure like - i mean sometimes i’m making arguments or writing out analysis about the text and i do tend to have very strong opinions but i feel like just as often i’m talking about nebulous ideas and storycraft and how i would tune tts to suit my particular tastes, which is an exercise that is about me and what i like and only concerns the text in that i am talking about a hypothetical platonic ideal thereof. and i do try to make that distinction clear when i’m writing a post but also first and foremost this blog is for Me it is the junk bin where i keep my thoughts and i know what i’m talking about so sometimes a post starts off as analysis and flips into hypothetical platonic ideal talk halfway through without warning and you all just. get to deal with that LMAO

the past like week or so has been funny because i had that night of like adhd hyperfixation brainmelt a little while ago and ranted semi-coherently at three in the morning while answering some of the really old asks that have been collecting dust forever and then my inbox just EXPLODED ksjdfjk

anyways the point being. i’m preaching to the choir here obv but i am not the arbiter of what tangled opinions are Good and Correct, nor am i trying to be because that would be insane ajklsdfjk

also bitter snow has been such an undertaking and i’m very proud of it and i’m just !! always so grateful for the sheer amount of enthusiasm for it. like the combination of rarepair fic + protagonist is a polarizing character half the fandom despises + just literally the fact of eldritch fantasy civil war fic of a disney princess show kind of guarantees it’s always going to be sort of a niche fic and - i’ve said this before but when i started posting it i really did not anticipate the amount or the quality of engagement it got. but holy moly bitter snow has the best group of commenters in the entire tts fandom, i swear - the amount of you who are leaving like LONG comments on every chapter or almost every chapter with your thoughts / feelings / speculation / analysis is bonkers!! i appreciate it so so much!! i’m a very quality over quantity person in the kind of reader response i want to get and the quality of the reader response to bitter snow has been and continues to be just overwhelmingly high and i am continually amazed and thankful 💜💜💜 

[soniabigcheese]

Okay now ... brace yourselves folks, you're in for a bumpy ride and a heck of a rant here.

So ... it's coming up to Christmas yes? And obviously some of you have some family members who are soooooo difficult to buy presents for.

Either they have it already ... their arches have fallen (yeah thanks, could have given us better notice instead of announcing this on Christmas day whilst unwrapping all the gifts)

That sort of thing.

Anywho, I thought ... as a nice gesture, I would paint a unique portrait of my father in law (sis in law isn't included ... more details to follow about why)

We don't have many photos ourselves of his dad around the house and with this year being a bit 'strange and stressful', I am unable to go visit to get sittings for said portrait (I really want it to be a nice surprise for him so sittings are a no no)

I try to engage SIL in this task and text her. (using the phone would lead to her misinterpreting everything I say and would result in her taking it to a personal level and whining to all and sundry that I am a nasty person and I'm being unreasonable and bullying her)

It takes another reminder text the next day, giving her a deadline for said photos because I need plenty of time to get things going, for her to phone my hubby - not me - directly ... to try and play innocent and ask if I was trying to contact her.

See what I mean?

So he has to carefully explain my suggestion ... which I had explained IN THE SEVERAL TEXTS I SENT TO HER ... my intentions.

But then decided to tack on that she didn't have to find any photos ... because it's okay, we have ONE.

It is extremely unflattering. He has piggy eyes, he is wearing a flat cap which is covering his lovely wavy hair ... and he has an expression on his face that reminds me of a leering dirty old man.

Now ... do they REALLY want this expression facing them every day?

****

I'll wind back several years previously, when hubby's grandmother was alive. Someone created a pastel portrait of her. It looked nothing like her at all. Plus, it looked as if a child had scrawled pastel chalks onto the paper. No offense to the artist but ... sorry ... everyone HATED it.

And it ended up at FIL's house, buried under piles of junk in the spare room.

I am aware that my picture will probably end up there too. But I'd really like to have the joy of doing something really special for just him.

****

And jumping back to the present.

The saga does not end there.

Oh ... no.

Hubby put his foot down and insisted that I use that unflattering/leering dirty old man photo.

He who has never put pencil to paper to draw diddly squat, not even a doodle ... or whose vocation throughout his life was to blag his way into cooking for several years and 'thinks he knows everything there is to know about art, but doesn't'.

Who ONLY visited art galleries with me just to amuse me, but takes the p**s out of modern art because he 'doesn't understand it's purpose.

It is ART, sometimes it doesn't need an explanation. It's just there ... as an expression of what that artist is feeling when they create their unique works.

This is the man that thinks that THIS picture is perfect???

I didn't want him involved because of this. He who knows everything but knows feck all, putting a HUGE damper on things ... as usual.

If it wasn't for his sister running snivelling to him about everything darned thing ... and stirring things up instead of being helpful. Then this portrait would be a joyous thing.

Now ... I'm getting nagged at all angles from he-who-knows-everything.

I am regretting making this decision now and my creativity is taking a massive hit because of this.

Rant over.

And sorry about the swearing. Art is a passion for me and my Muse is not happy about being told what to do by someone who knows feck all.

[pellicano-sanguino]

The Long Carmilla Post 2 - Return of the Long Post about the Queen of Lesbian Vampires

When Tumblr tightened its policy about censoring nudity, they targeted a long post I'd made about Carmilla, since I showed photos of Ingrid Pitt and Yutte Stensgaard with their bare breasts in it. I have now censored the post, edited it and added a little. Carmilla is my favourite vampire of all time, and I have a long history with her different incarnations, so I wanted to bring the Long Carmilla Post back.

When I first posted the Long Carmilla Post, I had just seen the movie made by the Carmilla webseries folks. The sudden fame of the webseries surprised me. I can't help but think, that there must be a lot of new Carmilla fans, who instantly think of Natasha Negovanlis when they hear that name. If this series had been around when I was a teen, damn, would I have loved it! I would have been obsessed with it. But it was not, and I can't really become as obsessed with it now as the new fans do. Because when I hear the name Carmilla, several different faces appear in my imagination. I have already been obsessed with Carmilla from a rather young age, and while I love the webseries and this movie, for me it's just one of Carmilla's newer incarnations, not her default form.

I don't want to sound like a hipster (”I liked Carmilla before the webseries made her cool!”), I just thought that as a lesbian vampire lover I should make a post about my favourite vampire, and the history I have with the character.

There are some images of blood under the cut.

When I was younger, there really wasn't any lesbian litterature around (well, there probably was but I didn't know what books to search). I had a habit of switching genders in the books I read, making everyone female so I could get the girl romances I craved for, but this always felt forced and not ”real.” I read lots of vampire stories, because I've always loved that genre, but it was very much dominated by stories of male vampires. When I read Dracula, it had a short introduction speech that talked about the history of modern vampire stories, and it mentioned Sheridan Le Fanu's Carmilla.

Tracking the novella down was a bit hard, considering that back then I didn't have internet and so could only read books that I found in the library and bookstores. Fortunately the translation of Carmilla was included in one horror anthology that our library had. I managed to get my hands on it, and this cover illustration was the first ”face” of Carmilla that I knew.

I can't really put a finger on why I became so obsessed with this story. It's not that great of a novella. A very basic old-timey vampire story about a monster who threatens the life of the protagonist, who is saved when the monster's true nature is revealed, after which it is hunted down and destroyed. And the lesbian subtext is very, very subtle. There was just something very mysterious and fascinating about Carmilla. She is still among the few vampires who actually frighten me. Though Le Fanu's story isn't very scary by modern standards, Laura's nightmare scenes somehow got under my skin. There's something very creepy in the way vampires in older stories used to steal blood from their victims while they were sleeping. The idea, that there exists a predator who instead of straight up attacking its prey, approaces it by a cover of flawless mimicry, is horrifying. You are being slowly eaten alive and you're not even aware of it happening, or that it's your charming friend doing it to you.

I started having dreams about Carmilla. The first ones were nightmares, but even if they were scary, they didn't make me anxious, just excited. I was scared of Carmilla, but I wanted to see her, I wanted to hear her voice. It was as if I had fallen under her spell, much like Laura, but unlike Laura, I was aware of her true nature. I knew what she wanted, I knew that in my dreams, her kisses would lead to bites. But to a young lesbian who loved vampire stories, those kisses were worth losing a few drops of blood in the dream kingdom. She was one of ”my people.” She was not a genderswapped male hero, she was ”real.” She genuinely loved women and blood, and I loved her.

Halloween isn't really celebrated where I live, but one October a friend of mine decided that she'd hold a Halloween party (which became a yearly tradition for us for many years to come). She invited a group of her friends to watch horror movies at her house, and everyone should wear a costume. There was no competition what I would go as. I had a light blue dress that I decorated with blood stains, and over it I wore a dark gray cape, on which I had painted purple flower patterns to make it resemble the coat Carmilla wears on the cover illustration. It must be almost twenty years old, but I still have that cape.

Little Pellicano as Carmilla. I think I must have been 13 or 14 when this party was held.

Then I saw my first Carmilla movie. A Hammer film called Vampire Lovers.

This is a very silly movie. Very cheesy. But young Pellicano loved it. I can still quote many of the scenes from memory. The movie follows LeFanu's novella rather loosely, but I think it's one of the most faithful adaptations. It included the basic ”plot” that Carmilla uses to get close to her victims, has the nightmares (including Carmilla's monstrous cat form), keeps the plot point that she must form her new names anagrammically and makes her killer be a man who lost his daughter to the vampire. So far I think it's the only movie version that includes the scene where Carmilla sees the funeral procession of a girl she killed and loses it completely. I've always found that scene interesting, many claim that her fit of anxiety is caused by hearing the chanting (being unholy creature who's weak to christian things) but I think it's more than that. Either she has horrifying flashbacks to her own funerals (waking to vampirism and having to claw her way out of her own grave, that would scar me for sure) or she is genuinely sorry for killing the girl and terrified of having to face the truth that her love will always end in death.

I want to interpret Carmilla as a vampire who really loves her victims, not as playthings but as real lovers. But she wasn't a reluctant vampire either, she embraced the monstrous side of herself. It was natural to her, and so it was inevitable that the women she loved would eventually die. Maybe she preferred to ignore this knowledge in the daytime, and when she was forced to see what her night time activities had resulted in, the fit of anxiety happened.

A bit off topic, but one scene from the novella that I've never seen make it into a movie, is when a wandering salesman offers his dentistry services to Carmilla, offering to file down her fangs, which sends Carmilla into a fit of rage. I don't know, I always thought that scene pretty funny. Poor guy, offering to de-fang a vampire and getting a HOW DARE YOU rant in response.

So, the next ”face” of Carmilla was obviously Ingrid Pitt. While this movie wasn't particularly explicit (all the sex happens off screen), the lesbian subtext was much less subtle, which pleased young Pellicano. And then there was the infamous bathing scene (would show pics, but gotta censor for Tumblr. You can easily find them by image googling.).

When I was younger, I suffered from being underweight for a long time (had always been a small girl). Seeing Ingrid Pitt's figure motivated me to try to gain weight. She was so beautifully soft and curved, not just her chest, but her shoulders and legs and everything just looked so smooth and nice, while I had thin, pointy, stick-like limbs with sharp edges and none of that lovely roundness. I know teens should not look at celebrities and actresses as body models, but I think having Ingrid Pitt's shape as body goal was healthy for me. I never reached that goal, of course, but I did eventually reach normal weight limits (50kg, the weight needed for blood donors).

That friend of mine, who hosted Halloween parties, watched the movie with me and knew that I was obsessed with Carmilla. One day she got me a fake gold necklace with a red plastic gem on it, shaped like a blood drop. I don't know where she got this trinket from, but it was similar to the pendant Carmilla wears in the movie, and even if it was just cheap junk, I treasured it. And totally wore it during the next Halloween party, going as Carmilla like I always did. I've lost the gold chain, but I still have the gem.

Also still have the VHS. I don't know why I've kept it, I have no VHS player anymore.

Before I move on from Ingrid Pitt, I’d like to mention a pet peeve of mine. Ingrid Pitt has done two vampire roles (three if Elisabeth Bathory from Countess Dracula is counted). The more famous role is obviously Carmilla, it’s probably her most famous role ever, period. Her other vampire role is Carla Lynde from House that Dripped Blood. Now, the thing that annoys me is that article writers tend to always mix these two up. Whenever they write something about Carmilla or female vampires in general, they always mention Ingrid Pitt’s role as Carmilla in Vampire Lovers, but they always use the same damn stupid promo photo that is from House that Dripped Blood. That’s lazy research! Do they just image google “Ingrid Pitt vampire” and fail to check if the photo they use is actually from the movie they’re talking about?! The roles don’t even look identical, Carmilla’s a brunette while Carla Lynde is blonde, Vampire Lovers is set in 1800s, House that Dripped Blood is set in 20th century. The worst one was when the museum in my home city had a vampire themed exhibition and even they used the wrong photo for Vampire Lovers. If a museum can’t get their facts straight, that’s just sad.

Here is an example of my pet peeve in action, an article about vampire movies, using the wrong fucking photo for Vampire Lovers. And yes, I know why they like using this particular photo (”höhöhöö boobs, I’m so mature”). But that just makes me more angry when they do it.

Hammer made a sequel to Vampire Lovers called Lust for a Vampire. It was...  disappointing. It introduced a male love interest for Carmilla, which in my opinion was complete bullshit. If you want to make a story about a female vampire who falls in love with a human boy, by all means make it, but don't call it Carmilla, call it something else. That being said, there were a good amount of lesbian action going on as well (this time Carmilla plotted her way into an all girls' school...) and if there's one thing Hammer rarely fails at delivering, it's the bucketloads of unconvincing bright red fake blood. I skipped the icky het sex, but always enjoyed this scene:

Yeah, Yutte Stensgaard was the third ”face” of Carmilla. When I think of that name, this blood-covered, sleepy-looking vampire maiden is among the images that instantly pop into my mind.

The third Carmilla movie I saw was titled just Carmilla and starred Meg Tilly.

This was clearly a cheaper (maybe made for TV) adaptation. Meg Tilly didn't leave as big an impression as Ingrid Pitt and Yutte Stensgaard did. But I do remember one line from the movie clearly. When Marie (the southerner ”Laura” of this version) asks about Carmilla's past, Carmilla brushes it aside by saying ”That was another lifetime. I'm much happier now.” I adopted this phrase into use. Whenever people are unknowingly asking about a painful thing from my past that I don't want to talk about, I will say it to let them know that nothing good comes from digging old wounds that have already scarred. That was another lifetime. I'm much happier now.

I do remember that Meg Tilly's Carmilla was the movie with the ”awkward floaty blood drinking pose.”

I'm sorry, but that just doesn't look comfortable. Or functional.

Then the big day came – my family got a computer that could access internet. It was an awful piece of junk that could barely be used for writing emails and visiting messageboards. It wouldn't play videos, loading images took forever and big pictures often made it freeze. However, I had access to the internet now. The first word I ever googled was obviously ”carmilla.” Among the sites I found back then, was one about a German play, starring a woman called Ulrike Schneidewind.

The site had big, beautiful promo photos of the play. They took forever to load, but I returned to watch them often. There was something captivating in Ulrike Schneidewind's look for Carmilla. I'm not usually a fan of vampires with the white face+red lipstick+loads of mascara-look, but hers was beautiful, like a painting, like a creature that really wasn't human.

I don’t know if they used fake blood in the actual play or if it was only for these promo photos, but it looks incredibly pretty and surprisingly convincing.

I have no idea what this demon looking thing is supposed to be - Carmilla’s monstrous cat form maybe?

Ulrike Schneidewind became the next ”face” of Carmilla, even though I have never seen her act. All I've seen are these promo photos of the play (I have heard her speak. There's a couple minutes long news clip on Youtube about a vampire lifestyler event she attended). Supposedly there exists a VHS of the Carmilla play they performed on a Romanian tour, but they must have only made a handful of those, since I've never seen it on sale anywhere. I check the German eBay every now and then in faint hopes of finding a copy but I've come to accept that I'll probably never see this show. But still, Ulrike Schneidewind's look left an impression on my mind.

Around those times I started to draw comics in which my self-insert character shared a house with six vampire roommates (Carmilla, who owned the house, Brunhilda from Wake Not the Dead, Teresa from Last Lords of Gardonal, Ruthven, Dracula and Francis Varney) and an OC named Charity (Brunhilda's donor and girlfriend). I mostly pulled the designs for my vampires out of thin air, really (well, Dracula was as he was descrided in the novel, with fuzzy moustache and bushy eyebrows) but Carmilla's design was based on Ulrike Schneidewind's look, with blue veins shining through the white skin and lots of dark makeup and black hair.

Sad part is that it's been over ten years and my drawing skills have not improved at all. This is not ”art” this is doodles. But drawing these was super fun back then, so I shouldn't feel ashamed of them now, I think.

Besides these comics, I wrote some fanfics too. But I'm very glad I never put those anywhere public, because damn, they are embarrassing to read now. It's because my fanfics were actually serious business, full of drama and sturm und drang, and they turned out rather cheesy. Also full of, ahem, erotic content written by someone who had no personal experience on the subject yet. The comics on the other hand were just made for shits and giggles, and I think they've survived the test of time better (by which I mean, that I have actually shown my comics to other people, because occasionally I think I made a fun one, while I've never shown my fics to anyone and have already burned the worst ones.).

When the wonderland of internet was opened to me, I gained access to all the books in the world. I was no longer restricted by what our library and book stores had, I could buy stuff that wasn't published here. So obviously I got a copy of Kyle Marffin's Carmilla sequel. It's not a very good book. Quite silly, childish and badly written (men really shouldn't write about lesbians, they know nothing about them and enjoying an erotic scene becomes rather hard when you imagine some gross het dude writing it while drooling on his keyboard). But it was the first time I read a rather explicit lesbian sex scene, and that got me very excited, because finally all the subtext was thrown to garbage. Here it was, black on white, proof that Carmilla was into girls, not just their blood but their bodies as well. My late discovery of lesbian erotica may seem weird now, when anyone can gain access to mountains of lesbian smut in the internet, but back when I lived with my parents I never dared to look up smut on the home computer, in fear that they'd find out. Until I moved out, my only access to lesbian erotica was books, and Carmilla's Return was the first one I got.

Rant time: I might also add, that annoyingly enough I had been encountering explicit het sex scenes in books, movies and TV years before. And while I never intentionally searched naughty stuff on the net, I had bumped into het porn there accidentally as well. I wonder if heteros understand how freaking frustrating this kind of thing was. Their smut was all over the place, in every book, every film and all around the net, pretty much rubbed to my face, while MY stuff was so obscure I didn't even know where to look for it. And then they had the nerve to claim that we are ”flaunting it” and ”making it all about ourselves” whenever there was a gay sidecharacter somewhere. Grr. Grrr. Rant over.

I bumped into some incarnations of Carmilla later too, but none left an impression on my mind like these early ones did. The worst Carmilla I ever saw was the main villain in Lesbian Vampire Killers. That movie is easily the worst vampire movie I have ever seen (maybe even the worst movie I've seen, period), it's an ”erotic horror comedy” that is neither sexy, scary or funny. It is nice that when they were thinking of a character to star in a movie about lesbian vampires, they chose Carmilla. But the movie is such utter garbage, I'd rather they'd left my favourite vampire out of it. Save your money and sanity -  don't watch this movie. It's bad.

I feel like a lot of time people want to take Carmilla's name and make a whole new character with it (like Reimi Urara's character in Vampire Succession, who is named Carmilla but isn't even a vampire at all). These ”Carmilla in name only” kind of characters don't count, and frankly speaking I'm not that fond of them. I guess it is nice that people want to pay respect to the legendary vampire by naming a character after her, but my opinion still is that if you don't want to tell the story of a lesbian vampire, call your character something else. If you take away either of Carmilla's two passions; that of women or that of blood, the character loses her trademark characteristics and stops being ”real.” You don't make a Godzilla movie where the king of the monsters isn't allowed to have his trademark atomic breath, and you don't make a Carmilla who doesn't love women and blood.

Now that I have said that, you probably guess my opinion about the (*spoilers*) ending of the webseries's third season. Yeah, I wasn't a fan of humanizing Carmilla. So, I went to see the movie with rather low expectations, and was pleasantly surprised. This movie is more Carmilla than all of the webseries's seasons together.

But let's speak about the webseries first. I was very positively surprised by it. One day I ended up googling Carmilla again (was probably looking for fanfics) and discovered this little gem. It had very little to do with Le Fanu's original, but what it decided to change was so good that I didn't care. And it had still lots of little nods to the novella. Carmilla's anagrammical names, the nightmares, they freaking included Laura's governesses De Lafontaine and Perrodon (I would totally watch a spin-off that just follows the adventures of Laf and Perry) and there's even a scene where Carmilla is watching over sleeping Laura, looking a bit similar to a famous illustration of the novella. Also, the theme song ”Love will have it's sacrifices”, is a direct quote, from a scene where Carmilla is describing to Laura the night when the curse of vampirism was passed on to her (of course, she doesn't out right say it, but the reader knows what she's talking about).

”--- I was all but assassinated in my bed, wounded here," she touched her breast, "and never was the same since."

"Were you near dying?"

"Yes, very--a cruel love--strange love, that would have taken my life. Love will have its sacrifices. No sacrifice without blood.---”

I'm not going to say the webseries doesn't have its flaws, a little lazy writing here and there, plot holes and inconsistent characters occasionally (I feel sorry for Danny. She just can't win.). But it was incredibly entertaining, it made me laugh and it made me care about what happens to everyone. And like probably a lot of the fans, I adored the fact that they didn't dance around the lesbian thing. When Laura understands that Carmilla's advances weren't blood-related, her reaction isn't any dumb ”But we're both girls, how can this be?!” Whoever understood to make Laura gay too was a genius. When she gets all flattered and blushing after learning that a beautiful girl finds her attractive, it's such a relatable feeling. It's the lesbian romance I so wanted as a teen! Not stories of a predatory lesbian seducing dumb clueless het girls to the dark side, but girls experiencing all the usual things female leads in romantic stories do, only with another girl as their love interest.

The first season of the webseries is my favourite. The second was pretty good, too. Third, in my opinion, a bit unnecessary (here I think you could see the writing starting to slip). Then came the movie.

They could have completely abandoned the vampire theme and proceeded with the heroes' further adventures. But they didn't and thank goodness for it. They return to draw inspiration from the original source; the novella. We have nightmares, and I admit they actually made me uneasy, reminding me of that creepy feel Laura's dream scenes gave me in the novella. The image of Carmilla laying down in a coffin filled with blood is also from the story. There's a scene where Carmilla is forced to reveal her vampiric nature, and it really reminds me of the scene where it happens in the book.  

And they freaking quote it, probably being the first adaptation ever to use straight quotes from the book. ”Die together so they can live together”-speech isn't quite right word-to-word, I think, but still, it's an identifiable quote. I used to be able to quote the ”You are mine, you shall be mine”-speech in English, Swedish and German, but have now forgotten most versions (yeah, I read Carmilla in several languages when I was younger. I was freaking obsessed with the story). I still think it's the most memorable quote from the novella. Also, the book-reading scene with ”Girls are caterpillars who undergo several larval stages before becoming butterflies”-speech is also from the novella. I think the only famous quote missing in this movie is the ”I've never been in love and never shall unless it should be with you”-speech.

As a fan of the ”old” Carmilla I adore how they pay homage to the origin respectfully, while still making their very own story. Again, teenaged Pellicano would have been all over this stuff. But I had to make my lesbian vampire stories from other versions, and while those also have their flaws, I adore them just as much. I am just happy that Carmilla lives on, not forgotten and left in the shadow of the countless more famous male vampires (seriously, where the fuck are all the female vampires? Ones that are actually main characters in their story and pass the freaking vampiric Bechdel test?)

Carmilla lives on, indeed. She has made a new comeback in Netflix's Castlevania series. I watched the first season and liked it quite a bit. It was a bit too gorey for my personal taste, but that wasn’t a dealbreaker. I liked the art style and was interested to see where they take the story. When I heard rumours that the second season would have a character named Carmilla, my reaction was pretty much “Carmilla is part of the Castlevania franchise?! Why did no one tell me this before?!”

Of course I’m always eager to see new adaptations of my favourite vampire. So, I did some research to know which games she appears in, made some popcorn and sat down to watch some Let’s Play videos (I’m not a gamer and don’t own game consoles so the only way I get to experience videogames is through Let’s Plays in Youtube.). But I ended up rather disappointed. Carmilla in the Castlevania games is cartoonishly silly at best, downright insulting to the original at worst.

So, after seeing how poorly the games treated my favourite vampire, I looked forward to the second season of the Netflix series with mixed feelings. I was hopeful, thinking that they can't go anywhere but up from here. And I was pleasantly surprised. The character design made her a bit silly looking with eeeevil face and her body language is very femme fatale-ish (I don’t really see the appeal of the femme fatale trope, but then again, it’s usually written for male audience), but they didn't put her in an ugly, revealing costume and the camera focused on her face instead of her breasts.

It's disappointing that she isn't a lesbian in this one (she makes one joke that hints she might be into girls too, but because Dracula's war council is mostly one big sausage fest, we don't see her interact with other females much).

I am so, so happy that the makers of the show understood that Carmilla is not some boot-licking notice-me-senpai Dracula fangirl (an aspect of her I loathed in the games). The only reasons for a lesbian vampire to ally with a male one are if they have a common goal (such as defending themselves against vampire hunters) or if she has no other choice. Netflix Carmilla is the latter. Dracula is a powerful, dangerous monster, who is also very much insane and therefore unpredictable. When he summons Carmilla to join his senseless crusade against humankind, Carmilla can't afford to refuse and take the chance of the mad vampire king killing her for disobedience and making a warning example of her. She has to go to war she herself deems pointless (well, Godbrand had a point in his ”If vampires kill all the humans, what will the vampires eat?”-speech.). So she begins to plot to prevent the genocide (she actually wants humankind to keep existing as opposed to wiping them from the face of the Earth, remind me again why she is the one every fan hates while they love Dracula the Kill All Humans-madman? Oh right, she assaults one of the male fan favourite characters on screen and is therefore deemed much more evil than Dracula who slaughters countless innocent humans offscreen without mercy. Got it.).

I love that she uses cunning instead of seduction when putting her plot to gain freedom from Dracula's servitude in action. Admittedly, some of the scenes where she's manipulating Hector seem a bit seductive-ish, but are still nothing compared to the ”Oh great master let me lick the blood off your sword!”-bullshit from the games. Also, was I the only one who could see right through her mindgames? Every time she complimented some man, I was shaking my head ”Lady, even blind Reetta can see that you are full of shit.” So it really surprised me when Hector fell for it. How do you fall for such an obvious trap?

I like that Carmilla's reasons for her schemes are reasonable and based on common sense and war strategy rather than just being evil for the sake of being evil. That being said, the scene where she beats Hector felt unnecessary, the man was tied up and would have gone with her even without getting his ass handed to him, because he's a prisoner and has no choice. I understand that it's an important scene symbolically, tying back to the scene where the animal-loving Hector compares vampires to cats, to which Isaac points out that cats play cruelly with their prey. It's a turning point for Hector, who abandoned humanity and tried to find a new family among monsters only to realize that they are, well, monsters. What did you expect voting for Leopards Eating Peoples' Faces Party would bring to you? Anyway, I understand that the scene is important to the plot and character growth, but I can't help but feel that making Carmilla assault a fan favourite character so brutally was the writers way of making sure the audience hates her. I have a feeling that they want to be sure the audience hates her, because they have something disgusting in mind for her for the third season.

I already talked about this in my ”If you have to kill female vampires on screen, please don't make it look like a rape”-post. I am worried what they are going to do with Carmilla. She's obviously going to get killed, but I hope they allow her to go down with dignity. Lords of Shadows 2 already gave us a really disgusting, rapey killing scene (I’ve only seen one killing scene with an even clearer “lesbianism can be cured by rape”-theme, in Lesbian Vampire Killers where Carmilla is impaled by a dick-shaped sword), we do not need another. I don't want Hector or Isaac or Dracula impaling her body slowly and looking downward at her in disgust as she painfully dies. Yes, Dracula will be coming back, it's Castlevania after all. I'm also worried of the possibility that instead of killing her, they make Dracula force her back into his servitude, which would also be super gross.

I am happy that the character of Carmilla lives on, that new fans get to experience her with these new incarnations, but whenever a new Carmilla surfaces, I am also a bit worried at how they are going to handle her character this time. I will have to wait and see how the third season of Castlevania ends, until then it is useless to speculate.

[smoothshift]

The story of (and ode to) my $900 BMW E46. Long read ahead. via /r/cars

The story of (and ode to) my $900 BMW E46. Long read ahead.

https://i.imgur.com/hINwDHO.jpg

Decided to make this post after I saw the woes of the guy with the $900 Ranger. If you don't like the writings of Dostoevsky, Tolkien, and Edgar Allen Poe, move along...there may or may not be a tldr at the bottom.

I live in the absolute middle of nowhere in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. You can imagine the lack of car culture; there are as many car enthusiasts up here as there are Packers fans in Detroit. Well, I decided eventually I wanted a BMW, probably because I test drove an e46 328ci before I moved up north. I was 19, the year was 2015.

A 2001 330I on Craigslist caught my eye one day. He was asking $1200. It was a manual, had 167k miles, had the Sport Package (pre-ZHP), had a busted front bumper and crumpled hood, a missing sideskirt and a cracked rear bumper. Only one picture in the ad, salvage title. Hmm, I thought, doesn't look like the bumper was pushed back at all, so maybe it's not as bad as it looks. I called the guy and discussed the car. It ran and drove, just didn't look very good. We emailed back and forth a bit, and I decided to meet him.

Just so happened the car was six hours away, south of Grand Rapids. So next Saturday I jumped in my 2001 Sebring Coupe (what a glorious, reliable hunk of junk) and picked up my buddy Will to spot me back.

We arrived at the place, and there was the car. I think my heart did a little pitter patter. It was sitting in front of the guy's shop (he built and repaired stock cars for a living). Hood was up, and the car was running, but the idle was bouncing like crazy...sounded like a dying animal. I didn't know what was wrong, the guy didn't know what was wrong. I called a BMW dealer, got on the line with one of the techs, and basically was told that I needed to bring them the car before he could offer any advice. Great. Eventually we discovered a large vacuum leak on the lower intake boot. Duct tape fixed that problem. It's also worth noting that the headlights were in the trunk, as the guy had taken the car to the body shop after the wreck to assess it and they hadn't bothered to reinstall them. More on this later.

So then I test drove the car.

I didn't really know how to drive stick. But I winged it. Or wang it. Or whatever. Somehow I only stalled like 3 times before I got it back to the shop. I handed the guy $900 in cash (we hadn't discussed price, here again I "wang" it). He really had wanted $1200 but...we had a deal. He signed the title over. It was still a green title...the insurance company hadn't bothered to write the title off. Probably wasn't worth their time. SCORE.

Next came Phase 2 of the mission. I needed car parts. Luckily, I had been in contact with a guy in Kalamazoo who was parting out an identical 330I, also Schwartz II (AKA Model T Black), also Sport Package. So Will and I left the basketcase BMW and followed Maps in my Sebring...right into the hood of Kalamazoo. As a privileged white male, I was a little out of my comfort zone, to say the least. The GPS dropped us right outside of some kind of impound, and the cars parked outside were old 90s sedans with giant chrome wheels.

Hoo boy.

The impound gate was open and Will and I walked in where a bunch of dudes were standing around smoking. Alarm bells were going off in this country boy's head.

"Uh, I'm looking for a BMW that's being parted out?" The guys exchanged glances and then one said, "Oh I wonder if you're looking for Jose." One of them led me a couple doors down. We walked past a house where an 11 year old was casually smoking cigarettes on the porch. Then turned and walked into Jose's backyard. The big black guy rattled his screen door and he came out. "Bought a wrecked car man? I'll sell you the title for this one. Twenty bucks. Your insurance will be cheaper." I turned down his offer, no thank you, and bought $300 worth of hood, fender and bumper. Whew. We were ready to be out of there, though arguably hadn't seen any trouble, we were just rather uncomfortable there.

We bungeed the hood to the roof of the Sebring, and loaded the bumper inside. I know it took up significant space even with the back seat folded down, and to this day I don't remember how both Will and I fit in the car. But we did.

So we drove back to Wayland, where the e46 was, and bolted on the hood. We didn't want to bother with the latch, so we just took it off and bungeed it down to the bumper. We decided we had enough daylight left to drive back to my parents lived, which was around 3 hours, so we just left the headlights out. More on that later.

We were ready to embark with my "new" BMW. I pushed in the clutch, turned the key, the engine came to life. I put it in reverse, carefully feathered the clutch, and started backing out of the driveway. Oh, did I mention that the passenger side mirror was busted off? Well the passenger side mirror was busted off. IE, I couldn't see anything behind me on my right side. This was fine. I was feathering that clutch like a pro - didn't even stall. All was well until I felt the back end go down, and the front wheels come off the ground. I just backed the car INTO THE DITCH.

Will was doubled over laughing in my Sebring. I had to tuck my sorry tail between my legs, go back into the shop, tell the owner of my misdeed, and ask for help. He pulled me out, and I promised to treat the car better. I doubt he was very confident I would make it home.

Surprisingly, the first while of the journey was great. I adapted quickly to the clutch and shifter, and we made it to Subway to grab a bite to eat. And we got back on the freeway.

Well, about those headlights.

Something must have taken too long, because it started getting dark. We were hauling down the freeway and it looked like we didn't have much daylight left. I called Will.

"Hey I'm just going to hang on your bumper since I don't have headlights. Don't brake too hard, and drive careful." I've had other brilliant ideas as well, like modifying a mousetrap into a toenail clippers.

So we did, and the night came. People started flashing their lights at us, and somehow we didn't pass any cops. I think I might have been in a little hot water if we had. Finally I called Will again.

"Hey, I think we should probably pull over and see if we can put these headlights in. This is kinda stupid." So we did. I pulled one headlight out of the trunk, and put it in. I didn't bother with any hardware, just bungeed it in (bungee straps hold anything together. I'm pretty sure the USSR held together as long as it did due to bungee straps). Plugged in the light connector, and there was light. I went to turn the key...

...and it wouldn't turn.

I jumped onto Google and looked up the problem. Somehow no one else had experienced it. I was almost in tears. Here I was, stuck in my dream car at 10 o'clock at night, and I couldn't as much as turn the key. Will suggested that I wiggle the steering wheel. It worked! BMWs have really tight steering wheel locks compared to the crappy cars I had owned before. We made it the rest of the way to my folks and I ran Will home without further problems that night.

I had many adventures in that car. I named her Helga. In fact, I got a license plate that said "H3LGA." I drove that thing down many dirt roads, never got stuck! (It's worth noting that dirt roads up north are often pretty nice) Helga weathered several brutal winters, thanks to Hankook snow tires. That was the first car I ever put confidence in. I took her down to Virginia in the middle of the summer without AC. I whipped the curves of H58. I went camping and slept in the cramped backseat. I even...get this...beat stock Dodge Neons at the stoplight! I got through some of the loneliest times of my life with Helga as my friend that always was there for me. Sure, it cost me a clutch and flywheel, a CCV system refresh, several vacuum hoses, other random parts, and a differential (another story for another time) but it was SO WORTH IT. I think all in the car cost me about $4000 over the 50,000 miles/3 years that I owned it.

Last year, in the name of diversity and practicality I traded it for a beat up Honda Civic hatch. Stupidest thing I ever did. Current stable is a 1996 318ti and a 1988 535i, both manuals. I'm now addicted to cheap, old BMWs, and you can't talk me out of it.

I just deleted a thousand word rant about what happens when stupid people own BMWs. You're welcome.

Tl;Dr I bought a manual BMW for $900, owned it for 3 years, loved it, and put about $3000 in parts into it.

[karmamiakat]

About Asexuality.

No, we’re not boring because we don’t desire sex. Just because we don’t have much sexual feelings or none at all, doesn’t make us boring. There’s more to frickin’ life than getting frisky! So many have said this to me “Oh that must be boring that you feel that way. Must suck!” and I’m like “I’m sorry that you can’t have fun or enjoy your life without playing with your junk.”

Asexual doesn’t mean we can’t feel romance. We do. There’s a difference between love and sex. Sex is just an action you do out of love much like kissing, hugging,ect just a bit more deeper. Love whatever you think of it, is deeper and you can love someone without wanting to just bang them. If you honestly believe anyone can’t love without doing the deed, that might be raising some flags about your relationship.

Sometimes people who are asexual can be on the gray lines where they may feel it only sometimes or even a certain time but rarely. This is called “grey-asexual” or “grey-sexual”. I am more this on the grey line.  “Demisexual” means someone can’t feel sexual feelings unless they have fallen in love with that person and that’s mainly after they fell in love or be friends with that person.So some folks may not just one just anyone to have their kinky fun with. 

Asexual doesn’t mean we won’t do the deed.  Sometimes a person who is asexual will have sex just to please their partners because they care about them or even just to have kids. 

People can be asexual and aromantic (no feelings for love/romance) and people can be asexual and still feel romance/love. Asexual again doesn’t mean we can’t feel love.

We are actual people with actual feelings and can function just fine in the world with feeling little to no sexual desire. It’s not rocket science or hard to even make out of it. It’s actually really that simple.

(Sorry for the rant...People have been giving me a hard time about this subject and I just needed to rant it out. I put Alastor in the tag since he’s canon wise asexual. I thought it might educate some folks about asexuality when playing the character if they wanted to go with the canon route.) (Ship who you want and how you want though. )

[fyx-ation]

So, uh... that FFXV was a thing, wasn’t it?

It sure was, Bill... it sure as shit was.

So, yeah, I finally played and, just a moment ago, beat Final Fantasy XV.

I’m about to sum up my feelings on the game, many of which are shared with the general gaming community, so I might have nothing new to add at this point... But I feel strongly enough to keep writing, anyhow.

If you’re bothered by that sort of thing, scroll on.

Sometimes, in grade schools across the world, teachers feel the need to give every single child an award. Usually there’s nothing to it. Some might spring for a ribbon, others might give out trophies, and even fewer might elect to have other students create rewards for the recipients. The latter was my personal case in middle school. A boy, whose name escapes me because the entire affair was almost forgettable except for the reward, gave me the Most Potential award. Every other student made small bundles of candy or bought some small token for their reward recipient. I got... A small piece of notebook paper cut into the shape of a ribbon.

Most Potential.

I’m not sure if a more insulting award exists in the entire world.

What does this have to do with anything? I think you’re smart enough to see where I’m going.

Final Fantasy is quite possibly the franchise that made me a gamer. I played the first one the NES when I was a child, and I’m certain it was one of the first RPGs I had ever played. By middle school, when I was playing FF3 (really VI), I was knee deep in love with the genre and carving my path with a shovel made out of Blockbuster rental cases.

What I’m getting at is that my opinion on the franchise carries weight because I’m getting to be an old fart. I’ve seen the good, the bad, the ugly. I started out as Relm, and now I am becoming Cid (pick one).

When the game loads, the screen tells you that XV is for fans and first timers. My gut reaction to this was a big, fat, pessimistic, “Yeah, we’ll see.” XIII left me feeling like someone clipped my purse strings and ran off cackling into the night. Must stay on subject.... must... not... rant...

Well, I saw. I came, I saw, I conquered.

I didn’t hate it.

I didn’t love it, either. And here’s where the award comes in.

You, Final Fantasy XV, are the proud recipient of the Most Potential award. I’m even going the extra mile and writing this in a digital format rather than on notebook paper, so you can cherish it forever... as long as you have electricity.

What a hot-ass mess. Here are my beefs in broad strokes:

The combat feels sloppy. I know SE is trying desperately to get into the action RPG thing with FF because they feel like turn-based games are archaic and no one wants to play them. Fine. Whatever. That’s what made you a thing... but whatever. The problem is that they didn’t do a very good job with this. Kingdom Hearts does it amazingly well. Any Tales game puts it to shame.

Can I tell you a secret? You can laugh at me; it’s okay. I didn’t know you could just hold O to fight until I already had 80 hours on the game. Yep. I played that much just mashing O and square and warping. I spent untold minutes grinding my teeth during the Leviathan fight because nothing was happening. I kept missing an invisible quick-time event, apparently. IDK. (I researched it and others had the same problem? No clue.)

As a whole, the combat just felt very clunky and almost as if the AI was too smart. Maybe I should have played all the tutorials at the beginning. Who knows!

And magic sucked. So much suck. Friendly fire? REALLY? REALLY? THAT’S THE ROAD YOU CHOSE?

Hmm. what else.

Oh, you know how in some console RPGs, you can change the tactics in the menu to control the behavior of other characters in your party? Or you can switch who you want to play? None of that here. The other bros forget they have a spell equipped most of the time. But when they remember, you can be sure it’s when you’re in the thick of things so you can take that friendly fire. MMM Mmm. Good stuff.

Speaking of bros... the male gaze stuff was gross. They changed Ignis’ outfit so hit butt wasn’t hanging out, sure. But Cindy... the mechanic... boobs. Does not compute. Girl, get you some damn overalls so you don’t get burned.

I guess this Fantasy includes spark free machines.

So, then there’s the story. I won’t spoil what little story there is for folks that haven’t played it. I might spoil your urge to play it if you haven’t been able to yet. Sorry.

The game has some pretty amazing world-building. That’s not the same as the story, so don’t get excited. You get a general sense of history and a little bit of mythos. But it needed so much more to aid the story. People are so damned thirsty for lore that they’re theorycrafting THE FUCKING STORY for XV. It’s not in the game. They’re pulling shit out of thin air. Check Youtube, and you’ll get lost in a sea of “Ardyn’s TRUE name,” “The meaning of the true ending,” or “Eos Explained!” Yeah, okay, reeeeeeach for it.

And let’s not forget Kingsglaive and Brotherhood. Kingsglaive is a CG movie that accompanies the game. I enjoyed it. I watched it before I played the game (months before oops), because I was gifted both as a package deal. Problem is, Kingsglaive has some precious story that the game so desperately needed, it should have been IN THE GAME. And Brotherhood, the anime, should have been in the game as well. Maybe as flashbacks while camping. Yet even with both of these optional purchases, it’s still missing a truckload of substance.

Sadly, I think they tried to make up for it by putting a pace car in the game. That’s not even a cute metaphor; they really physically put in crap to slow you down. There’s a stamina bar for running, there’s a stamina bar on chocobos, and the Regalia has a set speed it cannot exceed (unless you get parts like the turbocharger several hours into the game). You can fast travel to your car, and you can get in your car and sometimes fast travel to quests or destinations (which, after chapter 13 seemed to be much more frequent unless I’m imagining it). However, sometimes you are forced to sit through minutes and minutes of scenic driving. And even that gets interrupted by a certain bro with a camera fetish. It felt very forced, and I fast traveled everywhere when given the opportunity. I somehow still wound up with 100+ hours on the game. Curse you, gambling and fishing.

The DLC episodes for each bro could have provided the game with a little more substance, too, but SE decided to nickel and dime their patrons for those. It’s becoming a trend that I hate. It’s like selling a jigsaw puzzle and then charging extra for 2-3 pieces that would complete the picture. Fuck a bunch of that.

Another thing that I felt was intentionally annoying stretched out: maps. Lestallam, or however you spell it, was laid out like a street gang’s fantasy. Lots of dead ends, terrible mini-map... just... please.. where’s my car... why is the big market tucked into the ass end of of Satan’s colon instead of on the main circuit WHERE A MARKET BELONGS?

My final Final Fantasy XV beef: TIME TRAVELING! choo choo all aboard the-woops-we-can’t-fix-this-shit train. No, there isn’t actual time-traveling in the game. Not really. Beyond a certain chapter, there is no way to return to Altissia or Lucis. SE handled this the way a dog does when it has a dingleberry. They dragged their ass on the floor until... no, no, I kid. They put in a menu that let’s you zip back to those two places without any explanation. You can do quests and hunts and get exp and items. Then, you can zip back to the “present” with all of those rewards. Hahahaha makes perfect sense, right? Riiiiiight? lolno.

It’s not part of the canon. You’re not dreaming or having a flashback or pulling an Assassin’s creed. They just added it in because otherwise you could plow through several chapters with no way of going back. It would be impossible to go back to those places (for lolstory reasons). They put in a point of no return and then were like, “Just kidding?” 

Imagine if in VI you could play all the way to Kefka’s Tower and then, with zero explanation, a save point gives you the option to return to the World of Balance. Bit of a head-scratcher, eh?

They had to do it, though. Remember that substance thing? A lot of it comes from the sparse side quests, fishing, hunting, optional junk-getting. If you’re not interested in any of that, you could skip returning to the “past” altogether.

It had a lot of potential. Unlike a person getting that award, it doesn’t get a chance to better itself. They continue to drop patches on it but nothing that can fix the story. 

I’m not sorry I played it. I did put 100+ hours on it, after all. I liked the characters (even if Noctis appears to grow into a Caucasian man and his eyes change color... um... what?). I liked the world.  It needed a lot more fine-tuning and character development, though. As I said to a few people already: it felt like a love letter to Final Fantasy rather than an actual Final Fantasy game.

It sort of suffered that same thing XIII did with FF mythos being tacked on but not nearly as badly. Throw in some chocobos. Bitches love chocobos. And a moogle. Just the one; don’t get carried away.

Bravely Default was a damn good Final Fantasy game (if you can get over the repetition) and it wasn’t even a FINAL FANTASY GAME.

Yeah, I’ll shutup now.

[beat-weightlosstips]

Cabbage Soup Recipe [Keto & Low Carb]

Cabbage Soup Recipe [Keto & Low Carb]

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A cabbage soup recipe? I know what you&#8217re pondering: why would she place that on her food site? It&#8217s not fancy, it&#8217s nearly extremely hard to make it look pretty, and most folks with simple cooking capabilities could possibly just throw this together without a recipe.

Here&#8217s why: keto doesn&#8217t have to be complicated.

(And also, cabbage soup is scrumptious. So there&#8217s that. If you haven&#8217t had it, jump straight to the recipe and just do it. Sorry, Nike.)

I enjoy sharing some of the much more standard items I routinely whip up in my kitchen to display you that the keto diet plan doesn&#8217t need any fancy pants substances or equipment. All you need is genuine foods. You can select that up anyplace! Your local grocery keep, butcher, or farm are fantastic spots to commence.

You don&#8217t have to reinvent keto versions of higher carb foods to do the keto diet. Right after typing it out, it would seem a bit silly to even say it. But I&#8217m hoping anything as simple as a cabbage soup recipe will assist bring that point to light.

I’m just constantly surprised by how numerous people begin this way of consuming, search for recipes and come to the conclusion that they need to have to invest all of their time in the kitchen crafting ketofied versions of the junk they were consuming before trying to get healthier. Or consider the things essential to do this diet program come from specialty stores or have to be special ordered on the web.

Yes, there are keto versions of just about everything you can believe of. But you don&#8217t require to overcomplicate everything in the name of keto. You don&#8217t require fancy sweeteners or flours.

I&#8217m guilty of posting keto versions of the stuff we all miss and crave at a single level or another. My fathead pizza rolls and keto chocolates are a couple of my most popular recipes. But they aren&#8217t the foods I eat on a standard basis or what I would advise to folks struggling to figure out how to get started out, wrap their head about macros, or figure out what you can consume on the keto diet program. These are particular at times treats and entertaining cooking tasks for people with ketogenic dietary restrictions not day-to-day diet program fare.

You don&#8217t have to ketofy everything to do the keto diet regime.

I’m afraid my cabbage soup recipe may have turned into a rant. Oops! If you’re interested in studying much more about starting up keto on the proper foot, be confident to verify out my cost-free Hello Keto course. There is only a minor ranting, pinky guarantee.

Back to the soup!

We consume cabbage and beef soup at my residence all. The. Damn. Time.

For the men and women asking yourself what I really consume day-to-day, this is it right here. When the weather is chilly, there is nothing far more satisfying than a massive hot bowl of cabbage soup with beef. This meal really embodies my daily strategy to cooking: simple as can be.

Basic components. Simple, simple elements that taste wonderful and simple to locate at your neighborhood grocery keep.

Straightforward. If you can chop and turn a burner on, you received this. My partner who “doesn&#8217t know how to cook” fixes this for our family members all the time. Hand to heart, if he can do it so can you.

Meal prep godsend. Whip up a batch of this soup and you have lunch and dinner covered for days. My loved ones normally eats cabbage soup for dinner and I get some to perform for lunch the following day. There’s still a number of servings leftover to pop in the freezer for when the considered of currently being in the kitchen pains me. I adore to cook, but we all have those days don&#8217t we?

Satisfying and keto pleasant. The substances used for this soup are reduced in carbs with a healthy balance of fat and protein. It’s a really filling, comforting meal, that does not come to feel restrictive. It&#8217s also insanely tasty. Healthful without sacrificing flavor, for the win!

Electrolytes. The things plants crave! Electrolytes are actually a fairly large deal when you’re on a ketogenic diet. They can make or break your complete day. Low electrolytes can be the culprit for fatigue, headaches, muscle spasms, and nausea. If you are going through the dreaded “keto flu”, have a migraine that just won’t let up or receiving leg cramps, throw an extra bouillon cube (or two!) in the pot. Sodium is your good friend on keto and this cabbage soup recipe just may well flip your day about.

I use my Immediate Pot (one particular of the coolest kitchen gadgets ever!) and prep everything all in one pot. Just brown the meat on the saute perform, then cook the soup under large pressure for 15 minutes using quick release. You can simmer the cabbage soup in a stock pot for 30 minutes with quite similar benefits and no fancy equipment.

Cabbage Soup Recipe [Keto & Minimal Carb]

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Yields eight – 10 Servings

five minPrep Time

45 minCook Time

50 minComplete Time

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Substances

two lbs Ground Beef (90% excess fat)

1/4 big onion, diced

one clove garlic, minced

one teaspoon cumin, ground

one large head cabbage, chopped

four bouillon cubes

1 (ten oz) can Rotel Diced Tomatoes & Green Chilies

4 cups water

Salt and pepper, to taste

Directions

Brown ground beef in excess of medium heat. Add onion and cook till translucent.

Transfer ground beef and onion mixture to stock pot.

Add garlic, cumin, cabbage, bouillon cubes, Rotel diced tomatoes & green chilies, and water to the stock pot.

Combine ingredients extensively and carry to a boil over high heat.

Decrease heat to medium-reduced and simmer covered for thirty – 45 minutes.

6.six.15

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Ingredients Total Carbs (g) Fiber (g) Net Carbs (g) Protein (g) Unwanted fat (g) Calories Ground Beef, 90% lean (2 lbs/904g) 180.8 90 1591 Rotel, one can (ten oz) 12.5 two.5 10 two.five 62.5 Garlic, 1 clove (3.75g) .5 .5 three Onion, one/four of complete large (37.5g) 3.5 .six 2.9 .41 .04 15 Beef Buillon Cubes, four cubes (14g) four 4 20 Cabbage, 1 Large Head (1248g) 72.38 31.2 41.18 15.97 one.25 312 Cumin, one tsp (28g) Salt and Pepper, to taste Water, four cups Total Recipe 92.88 34.3 58.58 199.68 91.29 2003.5 one/eight of recipe eleven.61 four.2875 7.3225 24.96 11.41125 250.4375 1/ten of recipe 9.288 3.43 five.858 19.968 9.129 200.35

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