#sorry for bad quality lol these are small on my canvas :')

[nessea]

a few phase 7 doodles since i have it on the brain... colour palette was fun (click for better quality :') )

[heartscrypt]

Jamie, don't worry. Just like you, I've been thinking about JamiAzu and I, too, have not been able to create any content.

The best thing to do is to chew them in your head until something manifests on your canvas or paper. Alternatively, you can use this ask as an opportunity to talk about them. (I would love to hear your scenarios and headcanons because you understand them like I do.)

oh my god ok OKAY so. i had this fic idea rolling around in my head and the premise was basically like. the aftermath of twst events that didn't feature jamil or azul really heavily / only had small cameos but it was just jamil n azul reflecting (and maybe bonding) afterwards.

this whole thing was inspired by azul getting rejected by eliza in the phantom bride event LOL bc i thought jamil would get a kick out of it. i wanted to cover more events like wish upon a star (which i might talk about in a later post) or harveston or port fest but the phantom bride part i have like. Fully mapped out.

i only have this excerpt because. i lost motivation but if anyone wants to take this fic concept and do it justice they can :3 id just like to be tagged and credited

full outline is under the read more because God it is long. sorry. its also kind of incomprehensible because im incomprehensible about these two

but the ficlet for the first event, phantom bride, was going to take place a few hours after where the event canonically ends. jamil finds out azul got sooo rejected and laughs at him under his breath for a bit. says its because eliza could sense that he was fake as fuck all the time. azul gets frustrated and flustered bc the guy he wants so bad is currently mocking him for having NOOOO game. he's like "yeah well. you didn't participate b/c of kalim so you don't know what impossible standards she had"

jamils still used to deflecting when it comes to his competence so he'd dismissively say that of course he wouldn't have been a suitable candidate to woo the ghost even if kalim was guaranteed to not be involved. he's not that kind of guy. azul's Jamil Bullshit radar is ACTIVATED. he immediately insists that jamil absolutely Could've swayed eliza into wearing the ring and starts praising all of jamil's qualities with such a Genuine belief in jamil's abilities until jamil is the flustered one trying to beat azul's compliments off of him with a stick.

this part is really funny to me because in my head there's a scene before where jamil is telling azul that his approach failed because he always came off as disingenuous. and then here in this scene azul's so genuine that jamil's taken aback and in his head he's like "if he approached eliza the way he's approaching me NOW there's no way he would've failed." and then he promptly refuses to think about the implications of that thought for the rest of the fic. lol

anyways through the power of lovebombing and a few appeals to jamil's competitive side, azul goads jamil into demonstrating how he would've approached eliza to get the ghost sealing ring on her finger. jamil's pretending to be a suitor. one of jamil's rings (he's a jewelry guy no way he doesn't have a few rings) plays the role of the ghost sealing ring. and of course azul is the Substitute Eliza in their little pretend scenario so we get. these two indirectly flirting with each other in the weirdest fucking way possible. roleplay.

also there's a funny bit of azul mimicking something eliza actually did mid-scenario and jamil breaking out of character to be like "No Way ok Time out no way you aren't fucking with me right now" and azul responding like "no she really did say that" and jamil getting the most longsuffering expression on his face before slipping back into his princely character.

azul enjoys being the one "chased" by jamil for a change but he's always cognizant of the facade jamil's wearing while playing the role of eliza's prince. knows that that's just as much Not the true jamil as the "dutiful servant" jamil was, and is in return so totally lovestruck by how GOOD jamil is at being manipulative. not even swooned by the princely way jamils acting. he's falling head over heels for the fact that he KNOWS jamil is acting and in reality could not care less and yet is able to pull off such a convincing display. because azul's fucking crazy and his taste in men actually sucks so bad he sees all the red flags in jamil as fun little collectibles. he's mentally like "its so frustratingly attractive when he says something with that little smirk smile and we both know he's lying straight to my face but i cant call him out on it." GIRL. YOU ARE SO FAILCRINGE

on jamils end of things. yes he is pretending to be a "prince" for "eliza" but he's also hyperaware that this is azul pretending to be eliza for the sake of the scenario so. he gets a little sneaky. a little underhanded. starts doing and saying things that are targeted to catch Specifically azul off guard so azul gets flustered and breaks character for a split second. this is solely to fuck with azul and has Noooo other reason behind it (nevermind the fact that there is a giddy feeling jamil gets when he's able to crack the facade azul wears to see the real, vulnerable azul hiding underneath).

they go back and forth for a while, jamil pushing forward relentlessly while azul pulls away but always stays close (a complete reversal of their usual dynamic). but then jamil says something that's so completely him and definitely not part of the facade and azul forgets himself for a moment, forgets that they're playing pretend. lets his guard down completely. from jamils perspective, this startles him a little because he wasn't expecting it and he certainly wasn't expecting for azul to seem so convincingly enamored by him (it's because azul actually is but like jamil's kind of operating under the assumption that azul is incredibly fake all the time) and he REALLY doesn't know what to do with the realization that he likes the way azul is looking at him right now a lot more than he probably should like attention coming from someone he supposedly hates.

so he panics internally, shoves the ring onto azul's finger while azul is distracted, and tells him he can stop acting now because jamil proved his point that he Could've gotten the ring on eliza. azul snaps out of it and is like "ah. Yes. Acting. I'm so good at it Wouldn't you agree jamil" (hes pretending his inner monologue rn doesn't mainly consist of distressed dramatic bitch wailing and screaming. hes embarrassed abt being so vulnerable when they're both supposed to be acting he wants to crawl into an octopus pot and never come out). jamil's reply is smth like "yeah yeah whatever of course you're used to acting b/c you're a fraud" (his inner monologue also sounds like distressed screaming btw. less dramatic and more Full of dread and horror). moment of awkward silence where they just aren't looking at each other but azul's hand is still in jamil's (since jamil had to take his hand to put the ring on). worst handholding experience ever. 0/10

jamil breaks the silence. "i prefer it when you're not acting". on the surface its just a casual dig at azul's role at eliza but like THE WAY he says it. means something more. azul picks up on that, thinks back to all the times during the scene where jamil got him to break character for a second, the smug satisfaction on his face when azul sputtered or faltered. his first conclusion is "he wants me so bad" because he's delusional but then he reels it back a little and only says "i prefer your true self as well." jamil knows what THAT means well enough. he's starting to get suspicions that their dynamic isn't just "guy who is trying to exploit someone he sees as an opportunity x guy who fucking hates him because the other guy is a slimeball". he isn't sold on azul's intentions being all that pure though. he needs to bide his time, hang back and see whether this moment was a fluke.

they r still holding hands btw. neither of them has pulled away yet. jamil's the first to look down and Acknowledge it, silently swiping his thumb over the ring on azul's finger. drops the other's hand. says very nonchalantly that azul is going to keep the ring. azuls like "? haha i couldn't Possibly keep this. it's your ring". jamil smirks. says "keep it as a consolation prize. and a reminder of how badly you embarrassed yourself today". looks up through his eyelashes to watch for a reaction. azuls head nearly explodes. jamil knows in his gut that once azul recovers he's going to be Fucking Insufferable for the next few weeks flaunting that ring around everywhere and playing up the bond between himself and jamil but as he leaves, he can't find himself caring all that much about that as long as the other Does wear the ring.

[s1st3r]

You Have No Idea (Hunter x Reader)

Warnings: Mention of blood and injuries.

Summary: A part 1? Hunter is smitten... :3

Author’s Note: I actually wrote this before I even knew about the Bad Batch series being released lol. Ok this isn’t fantastic but I wanted to share it with you guys to see what you think and if I should continue the story. It’s kinda slow and anti climactic soz. But I was thinking of making it maybe a multi chapter thing? Let me know what you think.

A loud bang and commotion just outside the Marauder had you and Crosshair racing to the entrance. The hull opened to reveal Hunter covered in mud and grime as well as an equally dirty Wrecker behind him; extended between the two, was a small makeshift stretcher.

Oh no. You stared wide eyed at the groaning Tech that rested atop the scrap canvas material as the two boys settled him gently on the floor. As soon as they were safely nestled in the hull, Hunter collapsed to the floor, resting his back against the nearest wall. His eyes flicked to you in exhaustion and you snapped from your daze.

“Cross, grab me some warm water and a cloth.” On your command, the sniper swiftly turned and made his way to the refresher as you stepped forward and knelt next to Tech.

“Wreck,” you called, as you efficiently assessed the wounded trooper.

“What can I do?” The big man turned to face you as he patiently waited for your instruction.

You marvelled at how much they trusted you now.

“Grab me the med kit from my quarters.” Before you had even finished your request, Wrecker was halfway down the ship, retrieving your pack.

Removing his chest plate and putting pressure on the chest wound that left Tech grappling for conscience, you briefly glanced at Hunter in concern as he stiffly shifted in his place.

A moment passed and both Cross and Wreck had placed your supplies to your side. You immediately got to work on cleaning and bandaging the wound.

Years of medical experience kicked in as you scanned the extent of the injury. Noting it wasn’t as bad as it looked, you made quick work of patching him up.

Wrecker, Crosshair and Hunter had been quiet as you worked. They had quickly learnt, when working with you, that you preferred silence when you were concentrating.

By the time you were done, the water had long since gone cold and was tainted a dark pink.

You sighed as you leant back to sit on your heels.

“He’ll be ok,” you breathed as Tech lay passed out before you. “There was no internal damage,” you report, “but he lost a lot of blood. He’ll need bed rest for the next couple of cycles.”

With a grunt of effort, you pushed yourself up from the ground and wiped a forearm across your forehead.

“Could um,” you sighed and tried again, “could you guys take him to his bunk?” With the adrenaline of the emergency gone, you felt smashed.

If that’s how I feel, these guys must be beat.

Carefully, the boys lifted Tech from the uncomfortable durasteel floor and made their way down the hall with Tech draped between them. As you watched them go, you saw Hunter flinch in your peripherals as he tried and failed to reposition himself.

Now your second patient.

“You’re hurt,” you state, already pulling out the appropriate instruments.

“I figured it could wait a bit,” Hunter mumbled as he let his head tip back to rest against the wall.

“You’re ridiculous,” you huff as you shuffle towards him. You felt the heat of a blush rise to your face as he smirked at you.

Fighting the ever-increasing blush, you set to work and lent forward to disconnect his chest plate. Now, with his top armour promptly removed, and his blacks peeled down to his waist, you chastised yourself as your thoughts wondered, and realigned your focus to the task at hand.

He looked so exhausted and, after running a quick scan, you realised that that might actually be his primary health concern.

You had noted a broken rib, bruises, strained muscles, but it seemed that the general wear and tear of mission after mission had finally caught up to him, causing extreme fatigue.

“Broken rib, couple of bruises and scratches,” you mutter as you move your hand over the expanse of his chest to evaluate. You could feel his gaze steady on you.

Hunter sucked in a sharp breath when you fixed the bone back in place without warning.

“Sorry,” you cringed.

He let out a breathy laugh, “no you’re not.”

“Nah I’m not,” you sarcastically agreed as you collected and reorganised your supplies.

Quickly, you rose to your feet, grabbing the bowl of bloodied water you had used for Tech and moved to replace the dirty water with warm, clean water.

You returned with the bowl and plopped beside the Sargent. Cautiously, you rinsed another clean cloth you had salvaged and proceeded to dab at the small cuts.

His forehead was still covered in dirt and mud, so you moved the cloth to gently wipe his face. At this, Hunter closed his eyes and sighed.

“You should get yourself cleaned up properly in the ‘fresher,” you suggest, scrunching your nose in exaggeration as you reluctantly pull away.

“Yes ma’am,” came the quick quip. You sat back and watched as the Sargent pushed himself to his feet and shuffled his way down to the refresher.

“And don’t forget to rest!” You call. You don’t know why you bother; you know he won’t listen to you even if he heard you.

As you hear his footsteps recede, you quietly sigh. You sit in the main hull alone, cleaning up the remaining mess.

***

Your gentle hand brushed over his chest as you scanned for injury. It’s strange how you knew so much about him. His biology, medical history, when his senses became too much. You could tell something about him was off from the other side of a starship cruiser just by a slight change in posture or tone.

Yet somehow, you had no idea what you could do to him.

Watching you work as you attended Tech’s wounds, he noted how calm and confident you moved. After a while of you joining the Bad Batch on various types of missions, he grew to trust and appreciate your skills as a medic. They all did.

Much like them, you were highly successful in your field. But only because your stubbornness determined that you were going to single handily ensure this war had no casualties. He knew the GAR was the closest thing to family you had in a long time, naturally, you would take any and every death personal.

It was your skill, intelligence, compassion, determination, and stubbornness that were qualities Hunter found increasingly irresistible. So, as he had observed your movements, he took the chance to admire you.

But when you attentively pressed the warm cloth to his forehead, he couldn’t help but sigh as he relaxed into your delicate touch. This was more than admiration for a fellow soldier. And you had no idea.

~ Sister

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[helenaswriting]

ships for @why-the-heck-am-i-here!

@why-the-heck-am-i-here: “Okay I really really want a ship thingy for marvel, Harry Potter and stranger things pls!! Imma send it here because I want to tell you as much about myself as possible 👉🏻👈🏻. (Feel free to post it still lol! Okay so my name is Bailey and I’m 5’9 (v tall) I currently have kinda short black wavy hair but I’m always dying it! Imma do pink next ;). I have green eyes and I tend to always do big thick eyeliner and smudged eyeshadow. I dress more on the oversized grunge side of the fashion spectrum, tho I would love to go more alternative. Okay now that that’s out of the waaayyy. I’ve always been described as the cool one kinda. I’m laid back but at the same time always up to do something stupid lol. I’m definitely always up for some fun but also a good ol nap. When I’m not doing anything like that I’m drawing or binging any show/movie I can get my hands on! Anime sign me up! Horror sign me up! Romantic sign me up!! You get the point. Back to drawing tho, that is such a big part of my life. I’ve been drawing since I can remember. Rather it’s just doodling or going out side with a canvas and some watercolor I’m always doing something new with art! I even have a small business. And if I happen to get a cool idea I’ll sketch it out on anything! My pets are also a big part of my life. I have a Pomeranian puppy named kuma and a GIANT Akita named Harlow. Their kinda stupid ngl but that means they take after mom 😣. Oh there’s music! I’m literally always listening to it or wishing I was listening to it, some times if I can’t I’ll start humming a song without realizing. Lastly id say I’m really touchy, I like to hold hands and get hugs 🥺. SNUGGLING IS THE BEST AHHH. Just some little facts; I’m a slytherin 🚨🚨 My favorite marvel character is rocket I’m a sucker for sandwiches My favorite color is black I always imagined myself sneaking my dog into Hogwarts as a pet (probably the Akita because 🙃) I’m a master a video games! Pokémon is my bff That’s all I can think of! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I HOPE IM NOT A BOTHER 👉🏻👈🏻”

hello!! you aren’t a bother at all and thank you for your request! i just did marvel and harry potter, if that’s alright? i’m very sorry, i just had so many considerations for stranger things and couldn’t make up my mind :( i hope you still enjoy reading these headcanons!! <3

· so, let’s start of with marvel! · as i was reading your description, i was considering many ngl, but i just have to go with bucky, because y’all would really be a power couple. · so the two of you meet very randomly, and a little cliché, at a blockbuster. (rip blockbuster btw). · you’re browsing shelves of movies, just taking a good look when you spot this tall guy, with shoulder-length brown hair, eyes on you, flustered when you spot him and you just kind of smile to yourself. · you spot the metal hand he’s hiding in his sleeve, (knowing who he was, though it wasn’t something you minded,) as you strike up a conversation with him, about the movie he’d quickly picked up when he saw you heading his way. · “the 40-year-old virgin, huh?” · “what- uhh, sorry?” · you nod to the dvd in his hand, realising that was the movie he’d randomly picked when panicking, though he wouldn’t admit he was, even later when you become a couple. · bucky and you end up leaving with each others numbers on your phones, and though he has a hard time admitting it, he’s very giggly and happy. · i mean he just got a really cute girls number, what was there not be ecstatic about? · anywho, so fastforward to after a little too many dates where he asks if you want to make it official. · it’s actually a really sweet moment. · you two are sitting at a fountain, no one around, your head on his shoulder as you just listen to the sound of the water behind you, a comfortable silence between you two. · he then kisses your lips, and you’re both feeling over the moon. · so this guy loves everything about you. · you both kind of have the same energy in a way, both laid back and though he might not have the same amount of coolness as you, you two just click and fit perfectly. · there’s never awkward silences between y’all, you’re practically soulmates, and that’s what steve and sam say too when they meet you and see you together. · if bucky has to go shopping for new clothes he always brings you along for advice, ‘cause he really likes your style and the vibe you have. · and you love styling him, since he goes along with almost everything. · for only you, of course. · bucky always hypes you up and admires your art, kissing your temples as you draw or paint, looking at your art. though he thinks your the art. · btw he absolutely LOVES your pets, and he spoils them by giving them too many treats sometimes, but he can’t help it. · yes, he is a big dog lover.  · is it just because they are your dogs and seem to have some of your personality? · maybe.  · he’s a soft boy with you, always there for you, holding you close whenever he can. · and this guy is also very touchy. · there’s nothing he loves more than laying on the couch with you, snuggling and cuddling as you watch a movie together or playing video games. · you almost always end up talking through movies, not being able to focus, but y’all don’t really mind.  · and you always kick buckys ass in video games, and when he get’s sad about losing you make up for it with kisses and loads of love <3. · he loves listening to music with you too and you showing him songs you like, since he’s not all that up to date with modern music and what’s popular nowadays. · bucky LOVES holding hands with you btw. · he only really uses lots of pda if he’s jealous of some guy checking you out, but he always holds your hand, proud to have you by his side as his lover. · he just appreciates you so much, and is so thankful that you support him and are there for him, especially when he’s going through dark episodes of trauma and PTSD. · all in all, you’re a real power couple, always strong together and you both rely a lot on each other. the trust and bond the two of you is so deep and stunning, and you’re a real dreamy, grunge couple.

· now to the world of harry potter! · okay, so honestly how can i not ship you with the obvious person who came to my mind first- draco malfoy.  · so the two of you are childhood friends and meet in your first year at hogwarts, befriending the boy. · we all know that draco is quite the dramatic person sometimes, and you two are quite different in that sense. · sure you have the same slytherin qualities, but since you’re waaay more laid back, sure up for a little trouble, but nothing with major drama, draco is the opposite. · he’s meddling himself into things that are unbelievable sometimes, getting into trouble for the most dramatic things.  · but you’re always there to help him. · you grow to be best friends, and many from the other houses judge you for that due to his reputation. · but the thing was that they didn’t actually know him the way you knew him, as a best friend, though you wanted to be more, and let’s be honest draco has had a crush on you since your third year at hogwarts. · he asks if you want to go to the yule ball with him, and that’s when you both crack at the same time to tell each other you want something more than to just be friends. · might i add draco is very enchanted by your dress, which i personally imagine to be this black or grey, puffy gown. · no matter what you would be wearing, he’d love it and think you look gorgeous. · “draco, i-” · “i have to tell you-” · “oh,” you both say at the same time. · “you go first!” · “no, you, you.” · “i insist you speak first, i-” · but he interrupts you by placing his lips on yours and god are there loads of butterflies in your stomach. · from that night, you’re a couple, but it’s not something you disclose to many people in the beginning, despite draco being so fond of pda. · fond of pda doesn’t even begin to describe it honestly. · once you’re a couple he can’t stop showering you with kisses, hugs, gifts, chocaltes- everything. · infront of anyone, anywhere. · btw he loves shopping with you and for you, and simply must give you really extra clothes worth god knows how many galleons, but he doesn’t mind at all. · whenever you gift him something it’s usual small, but very personal, and god this boy may seem tough and ready to square up, but he becomes so emotional when you give him a present- no matter what it is. · also he loves giving you art supplies, insisting on buying your watercolour paintings so he can have them on display both in his dorm but also at home, though his parents may not be to fond of it. · he’s your number one supporter and inspiration. · draco is very proud to have you, and WILL show you off whenever he can. · he thinks and knows you deserve it, for everything you put up with. · aka him. · draco is the sort of person who has a facade for most people, you being one of the only ones, if not the only one, to be able to break down that facade. · he knows that he can be difficult sometimes, since being emotional is something he’s bad at showing just because it’s something he hides a lot, but he knows he can trust you and be himself around you. · and he knows that you’re always there for him. · and draco is always there for you. · you two have a lot of fun and are always pulling pranks or getting into trouble. · on a date you two went to explore the dark forest, luckily not getting hurt, but even if it was scary, it was funny as well. · afterwards you retreated to your dorms, sitting in the common room, having movie marathons, which annoyed the other slytherins since you two hog the tv quite a bit. · he also loves sneaking up to your dorm and taking you out on midnight walks. · sometimes you take your dog along, and it’s all just very cute. · all in all, you are such a great pair, strong, fun and troublesome, yet sweet and tender.

[breathinginthevapor]

Blank canvas

Summary: You are still in the process of figuring out who you are after a messy break up with famous band member Ashton Irwin, but then you run into him at a paint store. (wow i suck at summaries)

A/N: eeeekk i love angst. so. much. Perhaps I have dark soul lol. I’m working on a lot of different pieces at the moment so keep yourselves updated! 

TW: None, I think? Language, perhaps?

Masterlist

I don’t own the picture, it’s from Ashton’s instagram.

You push the button on the coffee machine and enjoys the way it breaks the dead silence in your apartment. Never in your whole life have you been this happy for something material but then again, it isn’t just a coffee machine that makes insanely good coffee: it’s also a step towards freeing yourself.

The brown liquor pours into your favourite cup on which the faces of you and your best friend are placed. She gave it you for your 17th birthday and although five years have passed, you still drink your coffee from it every morning.

You like how comforting it is to have habits. You’ve learned that even the smallest things can make you feel more at home, and since your apartment is all bare at the moment, you’ll take anything that makes it feel more like home.

All your belongings are boxed up in your hallway, but you haven’t had the energy to unpack yet so right now, it’s just you, a madras on the floor and your coffee machine. It’s been like this for the past week and you’re almost considering just to live like this forever. Life hasn’t felt this simple in a long time and every day that goes, you catch yourself smiling wider to the cashier at Walmart, sleeping better and longer and breathing a little easier. You’re making progress.

The bitterness has been sweetened by cream, and so the delicious taste fills your mouth as you take a sip of your drink.

He always preferred it jet black and tried everything to convince you that coffee shouldn’t be drunk any other way but as black and made-from-scratch as possible. He even went to new specialist stores to get the best coffee beans possible and never let you even pour a tiny drop of milk in it, insisting that it was a “disgrace” to lessen the taste.

So now, it feels like a small victory every time the machine makes the sweetest cup possible.

You smile at the thought, feeling a little petty but whatever. He won’t know, anyway.

You don’t have any plans for today and it feels like the world is full of possibilities and offers. Perhaps you could try out the sushi place around the corner or call that friend you haven’t spoken to in months or just unpack a little and then find a new TV-show to watch, letting yourself get caught up in other’s fictional problems instead of your own.

You lean against the kitchen counter, looking around and taking everything in while drinking the rest of your coffee. It’s nothing compared to your former apartment, but you feel at home in the neighbourhood and there’s a cozy vibe to the apartment you’re fond of. The walls could use some colour, though. Perhaps it would look good with a dark blue wall in your bedroom? Or painting the bathroom pink? No one’s stopping you. And so, you throw on an old pair of sneakers and a worn-out denim jacket before you lock the door behind you.

You only know of one shop that sells good quality paint for a fair price and although it’s in your old neighbourhood half an hour drive from here, you don’t hesitate to go.

Lately, you’ve taken great joy in just driving by yourself, singing falsely at the top of your longs to whatever bad pop song the radio played. It’s not that he was judgemental or that you weren’t comfortable around him, but when your boyfriend is a member of one of the most popular bands in the world, there’s a certain pressure to at least hitting some of the notes when you sing. But well, you don’t have to care about that anymore.

After having a concert in the front seat for half an hour, you park your car outside the paint shop and jump out, humming the song you just sung.

It’s the first time in years you’ve gone out without sunglasses or a hat to cover at least some of your face from the paparazzies but to be honest, you forgot while being so caught up in the euphoria of being able to do whatever you want and you’re pretty sure it’s been long enough since the breakup that most magazines have stopped caring what you’re doing on a day off.

A bell rings when you step through the door, and the dark-skinned woman behind the cash register nods in your direction before looking down at her phone again.

The shop seems empty today, most people probably being too busy with work to bother buying new paint.

You look around, trying to figure out where the pink and blue paint is located when a hunched figure snaps your attention. He’s wearing a loose grey hoodie and joggers, but you’d be able to recognize his body anywhere. It used to be the place where you felt most at home, after all.

You stand there paralyzed, so shocked seeing him that you’ve lost all ability to move when he picks up a bucket of white paint and turns around, facing you. It looks like he stops breathing, and you think you do the same, but you’re too focused on him to be sure.

He just stands there, staring you in the eye, hair flat and greasy and prominent bags under his once beautiful hazel eyes that now looks almost empty.

And right in this moment, being able to sing out of key and sweeten your coffee seems like the least of your worries because all you want to do is jump into his arms and beg him to take you back.

“Y/N,” he greets with a voice so low you wouldn’t have heard if it wasn’t for the fact that every fibre of your body is focused on him.

“Hi Ashton.” Your voice cracks when you mention his name and you suddenly become terribly self-aware. Although you’ve missed him so such you feared going insane, you really hadn’t hoped to meet him like this, dressed in night wear, slippers and an old jacket.

Actually, you would have preferred not meeting him at all for at least a couple more months, but the world is not a wish-granting factory, after all. You’ve known that for years, thanks to John Green.  

“I-I… What are you doing here? Thought you moved to the other side of town,” he stutters, and you don’t think you’ve ever heard him be this nervous. He used to radiate confidence, like being covered in a silky-smooth layer of it.

However, there’s not much of that confidence left right now.

“Yeah, I did, but… I don’t know, the walls are all white and it makes everything seem so impersonal and this is the only shop I know that sells good paint so…” You’re not even sure your explanation makes any sense, but he nods like he gets what you mean and then again, he knows you better than anyone else in the entire world so it’s probably not that hard for him to get you. When you were together, you didn’t even need words to understand each other. Sometimes it almost felt like your brains were connected because you were so in sync.

“What about you, what are you doing here?”

He takes two steps towards you and the closer he gets, the more you realize how bad he looks. “The thing is, Y/N, that I’ve been sitting in our- my bedroom for the last two months, staring at the wall you painted orange when you first moved in. And I keep thinking that I didn’t even like that colour until you came into my life with your orange sundresses and painted walls and honestly, I don’t even know who I am without you.” He pauses, takes a deep breath and looks away for a few seconds, clearly trying to blink away tears. “I feel like a fucking blank canvas so I guess it’s only suitable that my walls will be too.”

The lump in your throat is impossible to swallow, and you can feel your hands grow sweaty. “Sometimes a blank canvas is nice, Ashton. It doesn’t have a lot of baggage,” you mutter, staring at your feet. “Gives you a chance to figure out who you wanna be.”

You can see his feet come closer, but you don’t dare to look up. “I know who I wanna be, Y/N.” He reaches out for your cheek, and finally, you force yourself to look up, instantly loosing yourself in his auburn orbs. “I wanna be your future. The person you depend on when everything’s shit. The man waiting for you at the altar. Not the idiot who broke your heart.”

You feel the tears stream down your cheeks, the saltwater a well-known companion considering how much time you’ve spent crying the last half year. You lean in until your lips collide with his, but it doesn’t feel like it used to. It doesn’t feel like home.

“Come home, Y/N. We’ll work this out,” he begs when your lips have parted, but you shake your head and take a small step back.

“I’m so sorry, Ashton. But it wouldn’t be right.” He looks surprised. Perhaps he thought the kiss meant something else. That it was a make-up-kiss instead of a goodbye-kiss. “I love you, don’t ever doubt that. I love you like I’ve never loved anybody else but our relationship and your lifestyle, it wasn’t healthy for me. I need stability and I need someone who is there for me and who supports me in every decision I make, even if it is drinking my coffee with milk and cream.”

You try to smile at him, but it only makes you cry harder, so you gather everything in you to continue your explanation. “And I like being a blank canvas right now. I like getting a do-over, a chance to reconsider if I even like orange anymore. Because this past year has changed me. After being left all alone, even when you were home, feeling like shit and doubting myself because I felt like you’d stopped loving me, I’ve changed. I need to get to know the new me. And you don’t fit in that equation, Ashton.”

You take a deep breath after your long flow of speech, your stomach turning. He looks completely, utterly broken, but it’s not your place to comfort him anymore. His friends, the people he has actually prioritized and been there for, will have to repay that favour now. “I’m sorry, Ashton,” you whisper, and then you turn on your heel and walk out of the store, finally firmly closing the door to your past with Ashton. You’ll buy paint another day, you decide. Right now, it’s time for a drink.

And while you get into your car, smiling through tears and feeling like a heavy weight has been lifted from your chest, Ashton falls down on the floor, salt water clouding his vision and hands trembling. He knows he has fucked up, but he always thought you’d be there, granting him your forgiveness and mending his pain with your presence. Nevertheless, you’re gone now, and he can do nothing but blame himself for letting this be your only choice. If only he had treated you better.

[artificialqueens]

what does it feel like to be "alive" and other questions to ask when falling in love (Sashea) - Panic

AN: Wow, me? Posting again? I couldn’t believe it either babes, but here I am with a pretty bad, pretty cliche Sashea fic, because it came to mind at like, 2 am, and I wrote it lol. Hopefully I’ll be able to write more (good quality) stuff over the summer, but finals have me swamped rn.

Summary: Shea understands a lot of things, but what she doesn’t understand is the way Sasha Velour makes her heart do that flippy-floppy things. *inspired by a couple of Rupi Kaur poems, all poems used are either a) italics or b) marked with * at the start, Tumblr done fucked up my formatting*

*She was a rose

Shea Coulee could not breathe. The breath she had was shallow and caught in her throat as she glanced across the gallery and caught the eyes of Sasha Velour, and in that

L

O

U

D

Brooklyn gallery, it felt as though it was only the two of them, blood pounding in her ears, the ferociously bright colors of the portraits around her seemed to dim, she cannot avert her eyes away from the artist, all toothy smiles and bright eyes, she looks as delicate as the roses Shea used to admire in her Mother’s garden, f-r-a-g-i-l-e until you touch them, then they are all sharp edges and pricked fingers. Sasha Velour was all paint stained body and idea stained mind, Shea’s heart felt as though it was bursting, and all she could do was think “Is this what it feels like to be alive?”

In the hands of those

Another hand is already

S

    N

         A

              K

                   E

                        D

Around her waist- does that make her off limits? Does the heart care about the warmth of the body she is already embracing? Shea can only picture herself in that other girl’s place, when Sasha makes eye contact, Shea blushes but cannot bring herself to turn away, the strength in her gaze holds to much to break this time. This time, Shea pretends not to noticed when Sasha’s girlfriend tightens her hold on Sasha’s waist and leads her away. This time, Shea does not notice the momentary loose of *c*o*n*s*t*e*l*l*a*t*i*o*n*s* in Sasha’s eyes. This time, Shea hears Sasha gush about the next piece of art hanging on the walls, it feels like she is speaking directly to Shea, whispering in her ear like it’s their own secret.  This time, Shea pretends not to notice that Sasha is speaking to an entire room engulfed in her warmth. This time, Shea pretends that she is not thinking “how can I be so fucking mesmerized by her?”

*Who had no intention of keeping her

The breakup is quiet. Or; at least, that’s how Shea imagines it, full of sad glances and mumbled “I’m sorry’s” Sasha has always told her that life is too short to be tepid, but her reaction is surprisingly lukewarm. They are in a coffee shop with Sasha tells her, the morning resembling a water-color painting that Shea has seen in Sasha’ studio, Shea tells her that it looks like her, all bright and confusing and ((different)), Sasha lightly stabs her with the paintbrush in her hand, “shut up.” She’s blushing. When Shea blinks, she’s back in that coffee shop, Sasha is quiet across from her, eyes glittering with stories she hasn’t shared, ideas she hasn’t painted, and tears she hasn’t shed. Shea is mesmerized by her face, her ability to let go and feel so deeply, she picks up one hand and her heart skips a beat “I know you made the right decision, sure, it hurts like hell now, but you’re so strong- you’re going to be just fine, I know it.” She tries to ignore how Sasha’s smile brings back that fire in her belly, how her mind is whispering for her to take the older one  into her arms and hold her until everything feels alright again. Shea lets her mind wander and she can’t help but think, “Why does she make me feel this way?”

*You are the faint line

Shea loves Sasha’s studio. It smelt like fresh coffee and burnt pancakes,  filled to the brim  with bright artwork and Shea can’t help but to think how much this room is uni

          que

           ly

Sasha. She also can’t help but think how much she wishes she could walk up to the painting girl, not focussing, just making wide strokes across a once stark white canvas, and wrap her arms around her waist, staying close to her, watching her create. The scene can’t help but to make Shea remember the day that Sasha Velour entered her life.

~*~ Shea trudged off stage as the curtain closed, she sighed heavily as the applause from the other side s l o w  e    d and then stopped. Pushing sweaty hair off her face, Shea eventually exits the venue. She is shocked to see one girl still sitting into audience. Shea approaches her, and finds the girl with a sketchbook open. “Excuse me?” She said. The girl in front of her jumped, almost throwing her sketchbook in the air. The blonde glances around frantically, bushy blonde hair flying everywhere. “Oh god!” She jumped to her feet, “I’m so sorry, I totally lost track of time.” As she  began to pack up her stuff, Shea felt her mouth say words she never planned, “It’s totally alright,” She spoke, voice small, “it’s way too easy to get carried away in art.” They laugh. It feels right. “I’m Sasha,” the artist speaks, “Shea.” She replies. Sasha leaves in a hurry, but Shea can’t help but stop herself from thinking about the girl she ran into one night after a show, she can’t help but ask herself, “How can somebody I’ve never met feel so familiar?” ~*~

*Between faith

Snapping back to reality. Shea takes another moment to admire Sasha from the entrance. Watching her work was so entrancing, it was impossible for Shea to look away. “Sasha?” She whispered. She knew the other girl would hear her. Sasha turned around, no longer spooked by the familiarity that came with Shea and her voice. “Have I spent too long?” Sasha asked, concerned. Shea shook her head, “No, but I figured if I didn’t check up on you ten minutes early, we’d never make it to lunch before the lunch rush.” Sasha laughed, and g od,  Shea could hear that sound all day. Listening the Sasha laugh felt like coming home after a long day and unclasping your bra, it felt like ice skating in the winter and falling over because you don’t really know how to ice skate, but you love the way the snow feels on your face. Sasha felt like safety and risks all at the same time, she felt like everything Shea had ever wanted the world to be, Sasha felt like all the make believe stories about falling in love were real and true. And if this what being in love felt like, then Shea finally understood what it meant to be so fucking in love with another human being. As Sasha grabbed her coat, Shea’s mind questioned, “Then why don’t you say something?”

*And blindly waiting

The cafe they choose is pretty loud. Usually the noise of the city is perfect for Shea, she loves the way the world seems to shout around her, so full of life and constantly growing. But this time, the world is too l//o//u//d for Shea to speak, the words she so desperately wants to make her mouth say are caught and she cannot speak at all, she is choking on the confession it has taken her too long to make, years of little white lies are stretching themselves across her throat like spider webs, she has to many things to say and the world is too loud, to impersonal, to pointed for her to say them, what she wishes for his the quiet of her mother’s garden again, she yearns to be surrounded by roses again.  

“What’s wrong?” Sasha echos through her ears. And for a moment, Shea forgets to speak, she doesn’t know what to say and the moment is all too wrong and this isn’t the time nor the place but the words are bubbling out of Shea before she can stop them.

“ I think I might be in love with you?”

…

Shea doesn’t know what else to say

…

Sasha is quiet

…

“Oh.”

…

It feels like Shea’s heart is breaking

…

Her feet are carrying her out the door

…

Sasha might be yelling for her to come back

But

She can’t tell what’s real anymore

*“What am I to you?”She asks

Shea doesn’t know what time it is, or how many drinks she’s had, or why there’s a very teary eyed Sasha Velour at her doorstep. But she lets the girl in without out question. They are sitting on the sofa facing each other when Sasha asks again “What am I too you?”

*She put her hands in her lap

Shea is staring directly at Sasha, and for the first time since they met, is at a complete loss of words, all she can do is stare directly ahead and hope that her heart takes over her voice again, like it has before, and whispers exactly what she wants //needs// to say

And whispers

Shea reminds herself to speak, to not fuck up the one chance she has to keep Sasha Velour in her life, regardless of what the consequences may actually be.

*You are every hope

I’ve ever had

In human form.

Shea could not tell you who kissed who first. But she could tell you all about the the fireworks she felt when their lips were connected. She wrapped her arms around Sasha’s waist, determined to hold on as long as she possible could.

…

If this is what it feels like to be alive

Then Shea never wants to die.

…

[grammarpotato]

I wasn’t tagged, but I’m going to do it anyways because I’m sick and have nothing better to do with my time lol.

Five Things You’ll Find In My Bag:

Okay, so the issue with this is that I don’t really keep a bag, save for my backpack that I literally only use for school. I know that’s bad because I’m getting ready to be a freshman in university but idk maybe I’ll get my shit together before I leave.

1. A sketchbook I really hate because I suck at drawing lol 

2. My school tablet that I’ve literally dropped six times and it’s still in tact.

3. A small of makeup bag of medicine. No seriously. I go to a small school so nobody cares if I have it in there or not (though if I did this when I went to my previous school, which was MUCH larger, I may have been expelled). It has prescribed Ibuprofen, Adderall, and Zoloft in it. Plus a couple bandaids and some mints.

4. Occasionally, I’ll throw my hair brush in there and some perfume and deodorant because I constantly feel like I smell (people say i don’t but i mean they could be sparing my feelings) so I have to douse myself with smelly good stuff.

5. My phone charger because my phone battery sucks...I need a new phone

Five Things You’ll Find In My Bedroom:

1. So many Steven King books

2. A really old dresser that I’ve had since I was a baby that has writing and stupid shit on it that I’ve done over the years. It needs to go.

3. These two horse canvas picture things that I have yet to hang up and have been sitting at the end of my bed for the whole year.

4. Paper bags because I’m too lazy to throw them out.

5. A lot of notebooks that I don’t think I’ve even actually used.

Five Things I Want To Do With My Life:

1. Not suck. 

2. Learn guitar and start making music.

3. Do some more arts that are noice quality.

4. Not be sick and tired all the time.

5. Be a vet and move out of America lol.

Five Things That Make Me Happy:

1. Any of the Fallout games.

2. Any of the Sims games

3. Sleeping.

4. Music and my band class.

5. Money.

Five Things On My To-Do List:

1.Get over whatever it is that I’m sick with.

2. Get a fucking job.

3. Get a fucking car and my license.

4. Finish my art project.

5. Get through my senior year of high school with out killing anyone... Or myself.

Five Things People May Not Know About Me:

1.I don’t been to sound all sad and pathetic but if I tell you that I can’t hang out, I literally can’t. Like, I don’t have the energy to do it. Here is a short little story example; I was invited to a party of sorts in November (which was a really bad month for me) and after explain to my friend that I couldn’t go because I lacked the energy and the ability to communicate with other people and not make a fool out of myself, I was dragged along anyways. There was a lot of drinking, noise, and gross touching so I had a HUGE panic attack and hid in the bathroom where I drunk myself to sleep in the bathtub. If I’m having a bad day (or week), don’t invite me anywhere, just let me go home and chill and maybe bring me food.

2. I talk a lot and don’t realize how much I’m talking, so I annoy people without wanting to... And I’m so sorry.

3. I struggle badly with ADD, and I have since I was a kid. To this day, I still get people who tell me that ADD is fake and I am seeking attention.

4. I’m the oldest of eight kids, and of all my siblings, I only have one that has the same mom and dad as I do. And we both hate our dad, haha.

5. I am extremely terrified of heights and tight spaces (especially when there are other people in those spaces), and if you force me to do something evolving one of these two, there is a relatively large chance I’ll accidentally hit you if you’re behind me...So don’t.

I’m not tagging anyone, but have fun if you want to do this. :)

[angeliquefreaque]

What is your preferred method of making aesthetics? (Programs, websites, where and how you find your images, the creative process in general?)

this is an interesting question! a rundown under the cut:

program: GIMP because i’ve used it for years (interface honestly sucks but it works)

websites/images: 99% of the time i use Pinterest, i also snag stuff off my dash (fashion, historical and whatnot) and when i’m really desperate i try googling. whenever i make an aesthetic, i look in my folders first which are organised vaguely by character and whatnot, then i go on a search binge and save everything i like into those folders for use another time. oh and on my main blog, i tag certain things as inspo so i can look through it later.

the process…sometimes i start with a character/pairing/theme i just feel like doing (or a request), sometimes i have an image lying around that inspires me to something. the colour scheme generally takes shape as i look for images and find that i’ve got good green ones or whatever (then of course the ones i want to use that AREN’T right, i have to fiddle with or abandon…this is the most arduous part, i think). i always want nice clear images of models to represent characters and while i have some regulars, i value the look of the photo more than using the same person every time. finding good faces is hard but it’s super important, both looks and expression (and whether it works in the composition). if it’s a pairing, finding suitable couple images is really hard but really worth it. then i like good strong ‘abstract’ images to fill it out, i always value something bold and quirky if i can get it (illustrations, especially vintage, and so on). vague imagery is not good. if i want text, i like to find something like old newspaper excerpts, i never just type something myself. i like strong colour schemes, contrast and impactful pictures, with everything very on-theme- if it’s a picture of flowers or something, then it’d better be really sharp and colourful. balance in the composition is really what makes aesthetics pop too- if you overanalyse my aesthetics, you’ll see multiple levels of balance to the images. the obvious ones would be putting the faceclaims in opposite corners and so on, but i also balance colour and other imagery carefully (although mostly just by feel, but sometimes with planning).

when it comes to the technical part, the size and quality of images is important to begin with, though since they’ll be small in the overall composition, they don’t have to be AMAZING and i do size up a little or mess with proportions if i need to and i can get away with it. i never like to end up with a blurry or grainy aesthetic. cropping is a real skill, lol- a totally unfitting image can look amazing if you crop right, this is particularly true of faceclaim/model pics. i’m cautious with greyscale images because fiddling with the colours can end up looking awful (i’m too lazy to colourise for real so i just tune the existing colour up), and i think using them too often as-is can look bland (i always mix greyscale pics with coloured ones). broadly speaking i up the contrast and whatnot on most pics, basic stuff. when using GIMP, i always make sure my canvas and images are exactly the right size (i stick to 1000x1400 usually, the two-column ones- that’s 8 images sized at 500x350, but i do change sometimes. there’s no ‘right’ size that i’ve found yet as far as tumblr’s shitty resizing goes). i use snap to grid to position things exactly right. i drop a ton of images i’m considering on the canvas, crop them, resize them and mess with them, then eliminate them as i go along and mess with the positions until it looks right. i don’t usually put gradients or anything over the entire thing, but i have on occasion.

generally, making aesthetics for me is about being really picky, really patient and really obsessed with fine detail, lmao. i also try to keep plenty of images on hand in ORGANISED folders. it helps to not give a fuck and do whatever inspires you (there’s a reason i do 90% nyo!austria). also look at other people’s aesthetics for inspiration and…what not to do (sorry).

as a general rule i don’t use fanart, cosplay or anything like that, it defeats the object for me. i also do not like seeing tons of quotations shoved in, especially of the emo teen variety, especially in bad fonts. very blurry, grainy, desaturated or otherwise bleh images are a no-go. super famous celebs as faceclaims is also jarring for me and i’m VERY fussy about how these characters look in my head (i’m okay with lesser-known celebs and somewhat-known models, lmao). for the record, i often mess with models’ eye colour for obvious reasons. extensive photoshopping is beyond me, though- i usually just tweak (though i HAVE edited a tattoo out, badly!)

what i DO like is pictures of food, i love food. illustrations, bits of wallpaper, newspapers, animal pics, shots of just lips/eyes/hair, single unusual objects, fashion, really funny/IC text posts, jewels, and a strong contrast of colours, etc…that’s pretty much what i like. oh and sexy images. i toyed with the idea of animated (explicit) gif aesthetics once but i’ve not done it yet…