#sorry for remaking like once a year mental illness

[solilo]

🎲

solo • 21+ • they • white • tme (extended about)

I like Hello Charlotte + aetherworks, Pandora Hearts + Vanitas no Carte, Umineko, independent fiction, rpgmaker + indie games, visual novels, manga, literature, etc.

icon: strangegutz | header: thedarkattic | sidebar: kwazu_

[jeongyunhoed]

Past-Present-Future Black Dahlia

Two major tragedies bring Lee Mirae closer to the edge as she goes through the stages of grief in a more violent manner that would affect not only her relationships with her boyfriend Jeong Yunho and her half-brother Choi San, but also has her becoming closer with the immortal mutant Kang Yeosang. Fueled by rage, grief, and pain, along with a very rude awakening that has Mirae spiraling out of control and questioning everything she holds dear.

Group: ATEEZ Member: Yunho Pairing: Jeong Yunho / OC Genre: Action, adventure, angst, fantasy

Watch Out! : Violence, blood, death, grief and loss, major character deaths, use of weapons, some jealousy (but no cheating ofc), implied smut (not sure if there is any but i’m putting it out there nonetheless), mental illness (probably?), gambling and alcohol

Anything else? : Mentions of other idols of course as well as other characters. SuperM, Dean, Chanyeol, Zelo, soloist Park Jihoon to name a few.

Author’s Note: Sorry for taking so long to update! Oh, and I thought since it’s my birthday, I’d treat everyone (at least everyone who reads this anyway) with another chapter! Hurrah! Things are happening!

Masterlist

Chapter 8

“So, it seems like one of us is dead,” Ten broke the silence between the rest of them as they looked over the city from where they stood. They were back in the real world, in the conference room of the skyscraper that Mark owned under his own enterprise.

“And one is being held hostage,” Lucas pointed to his temple. “That same one owns this building that we are staying in. Why didn’t we stay in your building? You own the tech company in the first place,” He glanced over at Taemin. 

“It won’t be long before Yunho comes here,” Ino said, seeing Taemin furiously disintegrate the vacant chairs in front of him. “He’s bound to come here since he’s got Mark. Taeyong proved to be a lot more expendable than we thought he was.” 

“How dare you say that!” Taemin disintegrated the chair the elder was sitting on and the table that had their drinks. 

“Taemin, it’s true. Taeyong clearly forgot he was up against someone whose mind he can’t read,” Baekhyun pointed out. “Mirae and San both have a shield. No one can get into their heads. You placed San in the mountains where he stayed with a woman for a while,” He glanced at Ten, who shrugged. “Wrong move.” 

“It was an attempt to get him to soften up,” Ten replied. “I figured if I brought San back to a place he would remember fondly, like that place, where he had quite a...sexually explicit affair with the wife of his mercenary group leader, he would be vulnerable. Apparently not. That was the reason why he fled to look for his sister in the first place.” 

“And what about Yunho?” Jongin asked. 

“Yunho, to the place where his immortality took effect,” Ten glanced at them. “Where he was vulnerable.” 

“So what is our next move?” Taemin fumed. 

Ino looked at the tablet at his feet, laying on top of the piles of dust that was once the conference room table. The tablet unlocked itself and showed the interface of the controls. “This is our next move. We go live,” He replied, some of the features on the interface tapping themselves. “Project Apocalypse is now live.” 

“You know, Yunho made a good point earlier when we visited him,” Ten glanced at them. “We go like this without any leadership, if we need any. Our think-tank will need a face.” 

“Wouldn’t it be obvious by now? I have been looking for mutants under the directions of my father back in the center for paranormal research. I am also far more powerful than any of you in this room,” Ino said. “I’ve waited for a long time to take my place among our kind. I realize that my place is above.” 

“It was my plan to track down Jihoon, Hyuk, and Chanyeol that led us to come up with this think tank in the first place,” Baekhyun interjected. “You only knew of that when you went away after the tall dope and the telekinetic were killed.” 

“But my powers are far more superior than yours, Baekhyun,” Ino repeated. “Are you really going to question my very obvious authority over you?”

“No, you are right,” Baekhyun got up from his chair. “You have a very obvious authority over all of us. Maybe not Mark as he is significantly older than you, but for the rest of us?” He kicked down the wooden floor lamp, making the base snap in two. Baekhyun picked up the two pieces and before he could strike, the two pieces disintegrated and Baekhyun was floating in the air. 

Ino stared at him, shaking his head slightly. “Tsk, tsk, Baekhyun. Even my powers surpass that of Mark’s. You ought to know better than to fight me.” 

“Yeah, because Mirae’s the only one here that can actually do damage to you,” Jongin chimed in. “Don’t think we didn’t see what happened to you. Put Baekhyun hyung down.” 

Ino’s expression stiffened and Baekhyun dropped to the floor. “You’re a fool if you even consider opposing me.” 

“You’re also a fool for assuming you can defeat everybody here, if I do say so myself,” Taemin pointed out, glaring at him. “You just tagged along when you found out what we were planning.” 

“And now I am changing the plans,” Ino countered. “Project Apocalypse won’t just be a think tank anymore, it’s going to be more than that.” 

Particles of dust and metal were floating in mid-air in front of Ino, suddenly taking the form of robots that towered over all of them. “Project Apocalypse will remake the world into our image.” 

Jongin stared at him. “We killed the goblins years ago when they were looking to do the same thing, Jang Ino. You should know this most of all.” 

“I’m not talking about the goblins,” Ino said. “Mutant supremacy at its finest. The diamond of the tree of life will power these robots,” the gem appeared in his hand out of thin air. 

Jongin and Baekhyun stared at the gem. “...You kept the diamond all this time?” said the older of the two. 

“Yes, all this time, the diamond was with me. It made itself known to me shortly after the explosion from the Center,” Ino said. “Have you already forgotten? This is a sentient gem. It could never be destroyed, it simply disappears and reappears to anyone it wants to appear to.” 

“You will need material for that, whatever you are planning on building,” Taemin said, now intrigued by his proposal. “Where do you suppose you’re going to get that?” 

“From you, of course. Your company also specializes in metals, don’t they? The same alloy Junhong uses to fit the cars at the Center come from your company,” Ino pointed out. “They will be indestructible, and they will usher in a new era in the world.” 

Lucas approached the window, staring down at the busy streets below them. “So your droids are going to act as the horsemen of the apocalypse, won’t they?” He asked. 

“Why yes, they will. The horsemen of Project Apocalypse.”

~ 

Mirae looked up at the sky. In the midst of the calm, she still felt some frustration, the seeping feeling of regret that she didn’t finish Baekhyun or Jongin off while she had the chance, Ino even more so. Her eyes began to glow as well as her fingertips. “We’re not where we should be,” She said. “Project Apocalypse is being activated in the city, our real city.” 

“You mean they went back?” Mingi said. 

“I got it from Yunho. Mark told him, he’s telling him everything,” Mirae replied. “If my instincts are right, you should stand behind me,” She was still looking up. 

“What are you thinking of doing?” Hongjoong asked. 

“Don’t ask, just stand behind her,” Yeosang said. 

Mirae channeled everything she was feeling, the glow in her eyes and fingertips growing brighter and brighter as she concentrated on the sky. The more she stared at the sky and at the clouds swirling above them, the more the sky began to turn red, as red as the glow in her eyes and fingertips. “For Hyuk and Chanyeol,” She muttered. “For Jihoon, for Yunho, and for San.” 

The more she concentrated, they started to see that Mirae’s form was beginning to glow as well, and a powerful wave of energy shot up into the skies, causing what looked like cracks in a forcefield. Another wave of energy shot up, but this time, they saw that it was much more powerful than before, breaking out of the cracks and shattering what was above them completely. 

As the sky broke down completely, it seemed to reveal where they really were and to Mirae, it was another familiar place. It was the deserted compound with the empty, partly demolished houses. One of those houses had the passage that led to the goblin kingdom court. 

“Wow, I knew she was powerful, but I never thought she was this powerful,” Jongho muttered, the rest of them looked at her in amazement. The glow in her eyes was fading. 

They saw Junhong get out of the van nearby, looking around in disbelief and almost stumbling as he ran up to them. “What happened? Where are we?” He called out. 

“She broke down the dimension Ten put us in,” Yeosang replied. “Which means Yunho and San would be very close by.” 

Junhong gaped at her. “Now we need to look for them,” He took out the thin sliver of metal that was their communicator and turned it on. “Yunho? San? Where are you?” He called out, hoping for an answer. 

“Hey! Hey!” They looked at a figure running from a distance, and Mirae broke into a run as well when she realized who it was. 

“San!” She called out, the two of them capturing each other in a tight hug. “San, I’m sorry,” Mirae said softly. 

“For what?” He said. 

“For how I’ve been acting these past few weeks,” Mirae said quietly. “I was acting like you weren’t my brother, like you didn’t exist or something.” 

San shook his head. “It’s okay, sis. Are you back now?” He asked. 

“I-I don’t know,” Mirae said. “For some reason I don’t know.” 

They heard a commotion come from one of the partly demolished houses. “That must be where Yunho is,” Hongjoong said, and ran to the house, speeding up to the second floor. 

The rest of them ran to the house as well to catch up. Wooyoung transformed into his shadow form and slithered along the ground and into the house as well. “Junhong, you better stay close to us,” Mirae said. 

“I already am,” Junhong nodded, as they stepped inside the house. “Oh, this is the same place from-” 

“Yeah, where we dealt with the goblins,” Mirae replied, seeing the blood stains on the floors and on the walls. “We always tend to end up in this place.” 

“We’re in a small country, we’re bound to always end up in places we’ve been to before,” Junhong replied. 

“Seonghwa, when I say go, control it,” Mirae said. “I have a feeling that’s how it’s going to go.” 

They heard several thuds coming from the second floor, until the figures of Yunho and Mark appeared and disappeared, both of them engaged in a tussle in front of them. 

The rest of them tried to surround the two that kept teleporting in and out. “Go!” Mirae said the moment she sensed the two would reappear. Seonghwa’s eyes and fingertips glowed green as he broke the two teleporters apart, the two of them floating in mid-air as they were surrounded by the rest. 

When Mark tried to teleport away, Mingi kicked him back, followed by a strike from Hongjoong then Jongho, Wooyoung, Mirae, and San. Yeosang cast another hex towards the immortal, keeping him frozen as Seonghwa dropped him and Yunho to the floor. “I guess this is what happens when we don’t have much of our weapons left,” Mingi said. 

“Excellent, Hwa,” Mirae patted him on the shoulder. 

“Hyuk taught me that,” He said. 

“He taught you well,” She patted his shoulder again. 

Yunho quickly got to his feet, seeing Mark bruised and incapacitated on the floor. “One moment, we were in a village in Casablanca, the next moment, we’re in this...place, whatever this is,” He said. 

“Mirae broke down the dimension Ten put us in,” Yeosang pointed out, Yunho looking even more surprised at the change in his appearance. 

Yunho turned to Mirae, who was still staring at Mark’s frozen form. “Mirae?” He said. 

She looked up at the mention of her name. “Yunho?” Mirae went up to him in a tight hug, Yunho almost lifting her off her feet. “I’m so sorry,” She said. “I’m sorry for the way I’ve been.” 

Yunho shook his head. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” He kissed her cheek as he held her close. “I know how much they meant to you, and for a moment I thought I was going to lose you.” 

“Me too. I was so consumed by how I was feeling, I thought I was going out of control,” Mirae pulled back, staring into his eyes. “I couldn’t stop myself, I was just so angry and hurt and-” 

Yunho shook his head and kissed her. “What matters is that you’re back now,” He whispered. Back to me, he thought. 

“What do we do with him? Any ideas?” Hongjoong asked them, making Yunho and Mirae pull away to look over at Mark. 

“We could prolong the hex, if I may suggest,” Yeosang spoke. “Any other ideas?” 

“Skin him?” Jongho asked. 

“Burn him alive?” Mingi chimed in. 

“Make an example out of him,” Mirae said, her expression falling. She bent down to look closely at Mark. “Where in the city would they activate Project Apocalypse?” She asked. 

“Taemin and Taeyong’s company. It’s a tech enterprise,” Mark replied, seemingly defeated. “I must admit, I have underestimated each and every one of you.” 

“Don’t make that mistake again,” Mirae pointed out. 

“I killed one of yours,” San said, holding up a fragment of a diamond that was in his pocket. “Look familiar?” He said. 

Mark stared at him in horror. “...That’s impossible.” 

“It is, when you’re someone like me,” San replied. “What else can you tell us about Project Apocalypse?” 

“It’s too late,” Mark said. “Ino has activated the project, and it appears that he’s got more tricks up his sleeve, if I can hear his thoughts correctly.” 

“What tricks? What kind of tricks?” Yunho asked. 

Wooyoung stared at him, and then turned to the rest of them, blinking a few times as to what he was seeing. “Robots. Like the ones in the Danger room. Ino’s making robots that can kill,” He said. “Just like the robots you fought.” 

“Then let’s go. Yeosang can take care of Mark,” Mirae said, giving the vampiric mutant a nod. “Tough luck, Mr. Lee. You’ve weakened Yeosang enough to make him hungry.” 

“Should I call you an old friend? You’re not as invincible as you make yourself out to be. Then again, you’re now dealing with me,” Yeosang then bent down as the rest of them moved out of the house. Mark stared at him. “You can read my mind to know how much I need to feed, and unfortunately for you, your time is up,” He pressed his hand to Mark’s heart, shuddering as he absorbed the life out of him. 

~ 

“They got Mark too. This vendetta you have is becoming even more risky,” Taemin glared at Baekhyun. “And now they’re on their way here.” 

“We’re becoming outnumbered, it’s nine of them against how many of us?” Ten raised a brow, also looking at Baekhyun. 

“If they got Mark and Taeyong, that just means they were outsmarted, outmatched, and they’re not as strong as they make themselves out to be. Yeah, I said what I said,” Baekhyun shot back at Taemin. 

“It doesn’t matter if they were expendable or not,” Ino said. “All that matters is,” He gestured to the windows. They could hear a thud followed by the sounds of people screaming in the streets. The robot that Ino had built was walking out in the open. “Action must be taken now. If I were all of you, I’d make sure Mirae and the others don’t stand in the way.” 

“We should go then,” Lucas said, Ten getting up from his seat, followed by Taemin. “They’ve taken two from us, we should return the favor.” 

Baekhyun and Jongin got up, the younger of the two limping as he joined their colleagues. “Mutant supremacy,” Baekhyun said as if to remind them of their resolve. Ten and Taemin held on to Lucas’ shoulders while Baekhyun put his hand on Jongin’s and in an instant, they vanished. 

Ino closed his eyes and vanished as well. 

~ 

“If we’re here, then it means we’re getting close to home,” Mirae said as they approached another familiar dilapidated apartment building that revealed some of the floors. Yeosang quickly reappeared with them, his appearance returning to normal. She glanced at San and Yunho, “I mean, we’re getting literally close to home, the store is a bus ride away.” 

They entered the building, Mirae and Junhong seeing the familiar blood splatters on the doors and on the walls that had peeling wallpaper. Wooyoung gaped at what he was seeing. “Jongin got attacked here, didn’t he? During that time with all of you? He was with another guy,” He said. 

“Sehun, yeah,” Mirae replied as they climbed up the staircase, seeing even more blood spatters, some might even have looked fresh from how red it was. “Looks like some creatures come out to feed here then,” She muttered. 

“Creatures?!” Hongjoong stared at her. 

“Creatures. Non-humans, goblins most likely,” Junhong nodded. “Mirae, you still know the way, right?” He asked. 

“Vividly,” Mirae answered, leading them down the hall to the door at the very end. “You all know what to do in case something happens.” 

“I wonder why this area hasn’t been developed? I could’ve made the way to where we’re going a lot...nicer looking,” Yeosang frowned at the sight of the deteriorating interiors. 

Mirae opened the door, revealing a staircase going down to a dark tunnel ahead. The passage was barely lit, and they could hear the sounds of something scurrying and squeaking. “Oh my god,” Seonghwa muttered, gripping the strap of his quiver tightly while Mingi took out his lighter to light the way from his place, the flames rising up high enough to make it bright for everyone to see. 

“Watch your steps,” Mirae looked over at them, holding Yunho’s hand tightly as they walked through the passageway, seeing rats scurry around them, and making Jongho and Wooyoung squeal in their places, Mingi holding onto Hongjoong who leaned away from the flame in his lighter. 

San gave them a look, shaking his head. “All of you realize we need to be quiet in case someone else is in here, right?” He said. 

More rats were scurrying, making the rest of them, including Yeosang, stick to Mirae and Yunho. “I think we were a lot braver against those rodents while we were under the trance,” Hongjoong said. 

“Clearly,” Mirae nodded as they walked on, seeing the familiar old-fashioned elevator at the end of the tunnel. There were still bits of dried blood on the buttons going up and down as the iron doors opened. “Not all of us are going to fit in here,” she said. “San, Yunho, Junhong, Yeosang, Wooyoung, and I will go in first, the rest of you will be next. We’ll wait for you.” 

“Got it,” Hongjoong said. 

“If something goes wrong, Hongjoong, you better run,” Mirae eyed him, and he nodded again. 

“How about we don’t do that? I’d like to try something, my dear,” Yeosang cast a spell, and the elevator in front of them expanded in size. “It can fit up to ten people now. We cannot afford to separate now, they will take advantage of us being split up.” 

All of them got inside, and Mirae pressed the button, the doors closing as the elevator began to go down. They could feel a cold draft coming from below as they were further lowered down into the dark shaft. “We haven’t been here in a while,” Junhong looked around. “I wonder what’s going to happen to us now after all of this is over.” 

“I suggest we still stick together after this,” Hongjoong said. “It’s clear that we all work well together, including executive Kang.” 

“Aside from that, I mean,” Junhong said. “Mirae’s got the store, Yeosang’s got his company, now that it’s clear that Ino is no longer willing to keep us going, the rest of us are on our own.” 

“What is that smell?” Jongho suddenly spoke, cringing and frowning the further they went down, the rest of them wrinkling their noses at the stench that was getting stronger. “It smells like something died.” 

“Something did die. A lot of somethings,” Mirae said. “I didn’t think it would still stink this bad years later.” 

“Goblins decay slower than humans,” Junhong said.

“Is that what it is? This smells even worse than the camel poop in Morocco,” Yunho said, glancing at her. 

The elevator stopped and Mirae opened the doors, all of them suddenly greeted by the rotting goblin corpses strewn on the floor in what looked like a library with one bookcase pushed to the side, revealing another passageway. “I know I should be used to seeing dead bodies by now, but I’m not used to this,” Seonghwa said as they stepped over the bodies, noticing the glinting gold armor that the creatures wore. 

“Come to think about it, this place seems like a good spot for all of us to stay in, kind of like a headquarters,” San glanced at his sister. “There’s all these cool passageways, we just need to uh, get rid of all the bodies and the blood.” 

“That’s not a bad idea,” Junhong nodded. “This place just needs a lot of cleaning up, an updated security system, and we’d have our own headquarters instead of that safehouse. Where we could really be hidden away.” 

They went inside the passageway into a torch-lit chamber that had a set of two giant doors in front of them, the wood that acted as a barricade had long broken, and some parts of the doors had already been busted through. Wooyoung could feel his senses go into overdrive with all the memories he kept seeing the more they walked on. “So much has happened here,” He said, blinking a few times, as if trying to organize what he was seeing.

Mirae led them down the marble aisle in the middle of the room, the water on both sides of the aisle also littered with rotting goblin corpses and the marble that was once white, had stains of blood. It somehow made sense that they were brought back here, that this place was where she would end up at some point or another. The grudge Baekhyun had on her started here and in what was the Center for Paranormal Research. It only made sense that the way to stop Baekhyun was to go through some of the old ways, whatever it might be. But given how things had turned out, Mirae knew she had to do the same with Ino, which seemed like a battle she knew she was going to lose. 

Mirae led them through the hole on the left, revealing what seemed like a newly built tunnel illuminated with white lights. “This was where Chanyeol passed through when we dealt with the Utopian cult,” She muttered, making Junhong glance at her. 

“Oh right,” Junhong noticed their surroundings the further they went into the tunnel. “Where does this lead to again?” 

Mirae looked up at the tall male. “Where my foster parents kept the bodies of the people they would turn into their followers. And the training room, what was once the training room anyway.”

Yunho squeezed her hand as they kept walking. “You know, I kind of feel naked without having anything to kill or wound something with,” He said. 

“Sooner or later, we would have to rely on our powers alone,” Mirae muttered, opening the door at the end of the tunnel, the red tapestries bearing the symbol of the Utopian cult hanging on the door and on the walls of the warehouse they now found themselves in. 

“And all this time, I had no idea a place like this existed,” Yeosang looked around. 

They soon heard a thud coming from a closed off part of the warehouse. The thud grew louder, almost making the ground tremble beneath their feet. Out from the closed off part, a giant robot appeared in front of them, and alongside the machine appeared Lucas, Ten, Taemin, Baekhyun, and Jongin. 

“Split them up,” Baekhyun said to the rest of them. 

“Junhong, can you protect yourself?” Mirae glanced at the taller male. 

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine, they probably wouldn’t. Remember what Hyuk and Chanyeol taught the rest of you,” Junhong muttered to them. 

“You know, I’m kind of glad Hyuk and that tall dope have now left this earth,” Baekhyun spoke. “All this sentiment, it just makes you weak.” 

“They were mutants too, Baekhyun, you knew them just as well,” Mirae said through gritted teeth. 

Baekhyun smirked. “No, they were nothing to me, and I knew they were everything to you. To the extent that you neglected those people around you right now.” 

“Releasing that robot into the city isn’t going to make you any more or less powerful, you know,” San blurted out, eyeing the rest of them. 

“One is already out in the open, this is just another one,” Ten pointed out. 

Mirae glanced at the males behind her. “Get the rest of them, but leave Baekhyun and Jongin to me,” She muttered. She turned back to the rest. “I’ve got a bone to pick with two of you.” 

“No matter how much we fight, there’s nothing that you can do to stop Project Apocalypse from happening. It’ll start from Seoul, and then to the rest of the world,” Taemin said. 

Mirae shook her head. “There’s always something.” Her eyes began to glow along with her fingertips. San’s and Seonghwa’s eyes and fingertips began to glow with their power signatures as well. 

[canonicallyanxious]

hi. i was wondering what you thought or if you had any criticisms with the original skam? I wish the original season 3 focused more on isak's mental health and season 2 didnt act like norhelms flaws didnt exist. loved season 1.

oh boy do i!

man i’ve been trying to figure out how exactly i want to answer this question for hours now skdjfndksjfnd like just take one look at my blog and you can see i’m complete and utter SCU [skam cinematic universe] trash but i do have LOTS of complicated feelings and thoughts about og skam. in an effort to be measured and fair about this, i’m going to try to distinguish bw genuine criticism of the writing/etc. and personal nitpicks [aka stuff that personally doesn’t vibe with me but might work for other people]. and i thought about doing a season by season breakdown but i think that would end up getting WAY too long [like there are SO many specific things i wish they’d done differently in this show goddamn] so i’ll try to focus on some key overarching points here

[cut because HOO BOY did this get long i’m SORRY but also at this point you probably can’t be surprised skdfjndsfks]

First and foremost: let’s talk about race. i think it is one of skam’s biggest blind spots and i also think it’s a weakness that has affected pretty much every single remake thereafter, even [sometimes especially] the ones that have more diverse casts and so for me this is one of skam’s most significant weaknesses. i could honestly write an entire essay on skam’s issues with race [hell season 4 could be an essay in itself!] but i really think it boils down to there being pretty obviously few to no writers of color in the room. it’s not just the lack of diversity in the cast [although let’s count shall we? one main of color across the entire show, one black side character, the majority of side characters of color only appearing in one season... yeah] but it’s also that the characters of color who are on screen are simply not afforded the same care and nuance that the white characters are given. 

To be clear i think Sana is an amazing character and i think they accomplished some really important things with her, particularly as one of the few positive and nuanced portrayals of a hijabi that even exist in western media, but - she was only given nine episodes in her own season and even throughout the story the focus was often on the white characters around her [such as Noora]. not even to speak of many tired tropes [the homophobic fake out bw balloon and boy squad? THE ENTIRE BENCH SCENE???] and dropped storylines [Elias’ drinking? balloon squad’s relationship with Even??] throughout the entire thing. NOT EVEN TO SPEAK of the portrayal of characters of color BEFORE season 4 [vilde never properly apologizing for her racism! sana being the one to care for her at the end of season 1!! mahdi being given the least development/depth of the entire boy squad to the point that his most notable line in the entire show is about waffles!!!]. 

idk man it’s a complicated topic and there are probably much smarter people who have already gone into this in much better detail than i can but this really is one of my biggest issues with skam and the skamverse as a whole. maybe i should just accept that shows like this are not made for people like me, and i should look elsewhere for good representation of teens of color, but idk. i don’t think it’s too much to ask for better from a show that has a reputation for being a show FOR teens, you know what I mean? if skam is a show for teenagers [and it really is one of the better shows for teenagers i’ve ever seen, imho!] it would be nice for it to be a show for teens of color, too.

Another criticism i have of the show as a whole: lack of character continuity b/w seasons. throughout the years i’ve seen many people justify this as being due to point of view, since each main has a very limited and biased perspective. however i feel like this can only account for so much, and for me it’s not really a good excuse for a lack of cohesion in character arcs. for example, eva’s character development being pretty much dropped after the end of her season. just things like that. and honestly as well written as i think s3 is i don’t think it really did the girl squad any favors to have the show suddenly change focus from them for an entire season, to the point where only a few of them made any truly significant appearances in the season.

Another point i can think of: i remember once reading a post someone made about how julie andem + skam writers didn’t seem to know how to tell a compelling story without sex in it [for example sana’s season falling flat bc they struggled to come up with a compelling conflict or way to develop sana and yousef’s relationship bc it had to stay physically platonic], which rings true for me. not to say that teen shows can’t or shouldn’t explore sex. i think it’s really important to show healthy models of romance and sex for teenagers, actually! but i just think it would have been nice if throughout the seasons there had been more focus on other topics, and conflicts stemming from other sources. one example i can think of is that some of the more compelling threads of s2 for me such as the eating disorder subplot and noora’s anxiety in the wake of being sexually assaulted get pretty much entirely subsumed by the romantic storyline. or going back to sana, how instead of focusing on the differences bw her and yousef’s world views the conflict for at least like three episodes ended up coming from yousef making out with noora. just things like that where i wish the romance and the other plotlines could at least coexist together and be assigned equal importance.

And yeah, i agree with you that one topic i wish they had more thoroughly integrated into the show is mental health. of course we have Even and vague hints of Vilde/Noora having eating disorders/anxiety but i think we could all argue that all of the mains at one point or another are coded as mentally ill, but that coding and those symptoms never go anywhere, never lead into more nuanced discussions about mental health. like i don’t think the mental illness coding was intentional but i think that’s all the more reason to get into it, because mental illness has such a profound effect on so many teenagers and they don’t even really know it, you know what i mean? like it would be so powerful to show how pervasive of an issue it is. but that is kind of starting to get into personal nitpick territory i think, so i’ll just leave it at that.

god i still feel like i have so much more i could say skjfnskdjfs [GOD where to even START with season 2] but i’ve been working on this post for long enough so yeah, i should probably stop. i guess my point with this is not that skam is So Very Problematique, and of course i’m just one person and this is all just my personal opinion, and OF COURSE i firmly believe there is no story in this world that is flawless, but more that talking about our criticisms can hopefully lead to more nuanced conversations and stories in the future and that’s partly why i enjoy analyzing stories and what works and what doesn’t so much. thanks for this ask anon, it was [clearly lol] a very thought provoking question =]

[silver-wield]

I absolutely can't get enough of you analysis and I was wondering if you could do one of cloud and tifa after the plate fell and after barret hugged tifa? when sephiroth visits cloud again. like how'd that have been from tifa's perspective too?

Sorry this took a while to get to, Nonny. I would've had it done yesterday, but instead I wasted my time banging my head against a brick wall. Lesson learned lol

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be reasonably long.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Please check my master post to see if I've already covered your question, thanx

Recap time!

The sky has fallen and our brave failures have escaped by the skin of their teeth! Cloud watches over Tifa until she wakes up, then follows her until they locate Barret.

AH MY HEART! Cloud's so adorably concerned for Tifa. (also far too goddamn pretty! Someone shove mud in his face or something I can't stand it!)

Who knows how long he's been waiting for her to wake up. There's a couple of times it looks like he wants to reach for her – there's a definite twitch in her direction with his left hand – and then as she goes to get up, he takes her hand to her help her. Someone remind me, how often does Cloud offer Tifa his hand? A lot? Yeah, that's what I thought.

It's a very demoralised journey through the rubble to find Barret.

Well, I was aiming for a screen showing him punching the wall, but this is better. His rage and grief burst out. He's punching the wall with his actual hand and not shooting at it with the gun. This is because he wants to feel physical pain to dull the stronger emotional pain. Those were his friends. He should've stopped it. You can hear him sob Marlene's name once that rage is spent. He thinks they're all dead, including his innocent little girl. It's a powerful moment for his character.

Here's a hint of a grief stricken Cloud too. He cared about the trio. He wanted to save them. Nobody had to offer payment for his services. He tried to be the hero and failed. He doesn't know how to handle these emotions or how to comfort anyone either.

Tifa blaming herself is typical for her character. She puts a lot on her shoulders and keeps her feelings locked up tight. She sees the situation from the pov that if they hadn't blown up the reactors then Shinra wouldn't have dropped the plate. Barret sees it as, if Shinra weren't destroying the planet then they wouldn't need to blow up reactors. It's a pointless back and forth, round and round with no true winner. They have different povs, morals and principles and that's why Tifa just agrees with him in the end. Why argue on top of everything else that's just happened?

Tifa is very much the peacemaker, who doesn't want people to get into unnecessary fights. She'd rather back down than fight if there's a possibility of another choice. She says this in chapter 3 with her “I know we have to make a difference, but not like this.” And to the Shinra manager she says “I don't want anyone to die”

She's a goddamn sweetheart who can pack a punch, but doesn't need to rely on her fists first.

This is why later on with Elmyra, she stops Cloud from arguing to go get Aerith. It's not that she doesn't care. It's that she doesn't see the point in forcing your opinion on someone. By giving Elmyra time to think through their side of things she's letting the situation settle and everyone can approach it calmly and rationally. Which is exactly what happens. Elmyra had time to think and agreed with them. Because of Tifa. Because she’s the mature one.

The real!Cloud hand twitch lol we know what this means and I think I've already mentioned is plenty of times in other analyses.

Barret and Tifa's body language here is very placid, not romantic in any sense of the word. Her body is turned to the side and he has one arm around her shoulder. He's not got his head tilted down towards her and hers isn't tilted up at him either. Her arms are by her sides. This is minimum contact and barely qualifies as a hug. It's perfunctory comfort between friends. What it does is motivate Cloud – who harbours romantic feelings – towards the urge to comfort Tifa in the same way. He wants her to rely and find solace with him. Because his feelings are driven by romantic urges the way he comforts her is different.

And we're on our way to Aerith's house, where Cloud suspects Marlene is. Barret's highly emotional – shocker – and begs Cloud for hope, then admits it doesn't matter what he says he'd get mad. Cloud accepts this with a bland face, what else is there to say? He can't admit he might be wrong, but he can't say with all certainty that he's right.

He asks Tifa about the Ancients and then we get a visit from Sephiroth.

So after we see a future flashback of OG Sephiroth talking about the Ancients like before, Cloud gives us a blurry 1st person view and pan up of Sephiroth. Now, this one is a vision that only he sees, but that really doesn't matter to him. He sees that creepy ex-boyfriend stalker smile and freaks tf out. You can hear him whimper.

So, we don't get much of the scene from Tifa's pov. She's noticed Cloud freeze, probably heard that whimper. She's definitely concerned – you can see her frown just before we move back to Cloud – but she's unsure what to do about it. She's not a doctor after all. She has no idea if the right thing to do is insist on talking to Cloud about it, or pretend it didn't happen. She has to take his lead, which is to forget about it.

“Through suffering you will grow strong. Isn't that what you want?”

Cloud's a sweaty mess of fear at this minute, but you can still see this question on his face and his answer that no he doesn't want to suffer. The part of him that's real!Cloud definitely doesn't want to suffer, but it's too scared to do anything.

I find the possibility of this being a different aspect of Cloud's personality interesting. It's a vision, after all. So while we have real!Cloud in chapter 8 trying to encourage himself and repair the broken parts, we have this Sephiroth aspect that wants Cloud to remain broken and afraid. It's a good metaphor for how Cloud tackles his mental illness, and of the 4 different Sephiroths, the hallucination is the one that speaks the most and talks about Cloud as a person. It's the one that tells him to run away in chapter 2. It's the one that calls him a failure. It's the one that murders Tifa.

It's a manifestation of his mental illness. Not totally because there's more happening than just that, but of the 4 Sephiroths we see, this one is the one that causes Cloud to freeze the most. This one is the one he's terrified of more than the rest. The one that's not actually there.

I had to choose between this and Cloud looking terrified, but this one has Tifa edging into the frame with a concerned look on her face. Cloud's lost in his own head, probably overthinking everything Sephiroth just said to him. He dismisses Tifa again – remember, he doesn't want her to have a bad opinion of him, so he's pretending to be ok as usual. A lot of his reluctance to confide in her is his fear of her being disappointed in him. A lot of Tifa’s reluctance comes down to the aforementioned need to avoid confrontation. She doesn’t want to fight. If Cloud refuses to talk, she’ll respect that. She’s not pushy.

Conclusion.

Tifa and Barret have known each other for 5 years, give or take, but Barret doesn't even know the story of Nibelheim because Tifa keeps emotional things to herself. The way she's struggling to contain herself is mistaken by him as anger. It's not anger. It's self-blame. And because Cloud understands Tifa better than Barret – despite them having been apart for years – his real self has the urge to comfort her. He doesn't know how because he lacks social skills and emotional maturity, but after seeing Barret's example he understands this is the way he wants to support her.

I just added my suspicions about this version of Sephiroth to another post, so to sum that up, I think most of what he says is induced by Cloud's own feelings of failure and fear. The times Sephiroth shows up can be attributed to the connection Cloud has through Jenova, but the content of Sephiroth's speech comes across more like it's Cloud's inner self dragging him down. Sephiroth is the darkness within Cloud – the representation of his mental illness that won't ever become a memory, that's something he has to fight against every day. The fractured parts of Cloud's psyche aren't strong enough on their own, which is why the one in chapter 8 was chased away. It's only once they're reunited because of Tifa that Cloud becomes stronger overall to fight against his inner demons.

[sabraeal]

This one's gonna be long, don't hate me ;A; Love note and Zodiac, for everyone (if possible), Hobby and Wardrobe for Sen, and Psyche and Shooting Star for Mondo

Zodiac: As i said, I’m gonna eventually make up a new zodiac for this world, BUT I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT ANA, so i’ll give them their signs for our world, based on their approximate birth dates.

Caiyur: Virgo

Sen: Aries

Nox: Scorpio

Devrim: Aquarius

Mondo: Mondo doesn’t know his birthday, sorry guys

Konstantijn: Pisces

Juda: Cancer

Maksim: Libra

Galina: Virgo

Anastas: Gemini

Faina: Taurus

Imsantorel: Virgo

Mordren: Leo

Kseniya: Capricorn

Love Letter: There’s not much going on in the core group re: romance, but here’s what there is:

Caiyur has a massive infatuation with Galina, mainly because she is a woman of appropriate birth who is not dull or typical, and she yelled at him that once time and I guess that’s his kink now (though she can stop at any time...it was cute before...but it’s getting old now...)

Anastas also has an infatuation with Galina, but it’s rather more like a fixation -- he’s not so much wanting her for HER, but so that he can prove to her how superior he is by making her his wife. Since to him, that’s pretty much like falling in love.

Galina could not give a single flying fuck about either of these two idiots, but she’s determined to undo the tight laces on Nox. Who is equally determined not to let her, but also...a little curious. He is not used to the feelings he has when she is near him, and he’s not entirely sure he enjoys it (...or that he doesn’t)

(Caiyur also has an infatuation with Svetlana, while he labors under the false impression that she is her husband’s daughter not wife, which just...leads to some awkward situations, my friends)

Sen, for some time, believes himself to be in love with Faina, mainly because she’s a badass and also because she has...Elan’ti qualities to her personality, which make him feel understood. However, it doesn’t last much longer than the thaw.

Mordren has been nursing a tendresse for Juda for nearly a year, but it’s fully unrequited, Juda likes her as a person...and is completely unaware that they are anything more than friends, no matter how much he may flirt. It’s all good fun, isn’t it?

Faina and Juda absolutely like each other from pretty much go, but it takes them something on the order of years to fucking realize it, so I’m sure you’ll all have fun being frustrated by that one.

hobby: what do they love? what captivates them? what are their passions?    

Sen loves to make things with his hands. He’s not as good at the Elan’ti carvers, but he is consistently practicing so that one day he can remake his bow into a properly carved one, instead of the ham-fisted chicken scratch he currently has.

wardrobe: what's your OC(s) style like?      

Something like so:

Maybe a little closer cut on the pants, but Sen dresses like most Kivan men, even though he hardly feels the cold. He does, however, favor a fur-lined hood, rather than the fur cap you see here.

psyche: what's their head space like? do they have any mental illnesses? how do they process difficult or emotional situations? what are their coping mechanisms?   

Oh I am sure that Mondo has like...a turkducken of PTSD. Like you cut into that turkey layer of anxiety and it’s just an endless layer of meat underneath. He tends to just go hide and shut down during highly emotional situations, and if that’s not an option...just freezes in place, like he’s hoping the bad feelings can’t find him if he doesn’t move. His biggest coping mechanism is to people-please; he believes that as long as everyone is happy, no one has to be mad.

shooting star: if your OC(s) could have one wish what would it be?    

Mondo would absolutely wish that everyone would be happy. Yes, everyone. No please don’t explain the paradox to him, you’ll only upset him

[rorykillmore]

Ohhhh now I'm so curious about your taste. Recc me some good female-led horror in general!

god listen horror has become a great genre for women, i’m so proud. arguably it was once a lot worse (which is why not that many older films are on this list) but even then... it was casting women as leads where a lot of genres weren’t tbh. here you go! 

suspiria (2018 remake & 1977 original) - i have to rec both although they might be to VERY different tastes. same basic concept; “american girl attends prestigious european dance school and finds it is run by a coven of witches”. the remake is political, poignant, a lot quieter and more slow-moving while the original is vivid, vibrant, not particularly narrative coherent but you will NEVER forget the visuals and the sound design. both feature mostly female casts and center on relationships between women. 

warnings:  lots and lots of blood/gore/body horror in both. the original is very showy with its blood and guts but it also all looks very Fake for deliberate aesthetic purpose. the remake is a bit more sparse with it but when it comes, it’s a LOT

halloween (2018 BUT ALSO the 1978 original cause you gotta) - i mean... i can’t not rec the original halloween because it produced one of the most iconic women of horror of all time (along with, of course, one of the most iconic villains) but also. the recent 2018 sequel. does an AMAZING job exploring female trauma, mother/daughter relationships, and just generally features a lot of Women Kicking Ass. good option if you like slashers.

warnings:  uh... a lot of people die, on screen, blood and guts. sorry i do not remember a lot of specific deaths in the remake, but the original is VERY tame by today’s standards. 

us (2019) - i feel like us needs little introduction. everyone knows about us. if you haven’t seen it, you’re missing out on an incredibly fucking performance (or technically, perfomances) by lupita nyong’o

warnings: mostly blood but also some weird surrealist imagery if you’re sensitive to that kind of stuff

hereditary (2018) - hereditary is a heavy film i would only recommend if you’re steeled for... well, heavier subject matter. it’s a lot to do with grief and family trauma and the horrors of that. BUT toni collette’s performance is INCREDIBLE, i’ll go to my grave saying she should have gotten an oscar nom for it.

warnings: uhhh boy. blood, body horror, child death, animal death im pretty sure, LOTS OF UNCOMFORTABLE EMOTIONS

the babadook (2014) - i’m actually not as big of a fan of this one as some people were (not that i DISLIKE it, i just haven’t felt compelled to go back and revisit in awhile) but it’s another really compelling lead female performance comparable to hereditary while being perhaps not... quite as heavy (though still heavy), so it’s worth checking out!

warnings: i’m sorry i haven’t seen this in so long, i don’t remember. i’m pretty sure it’s not super graphic though. i think there’s a weird vomiting scene in it? also it bears mentioning that this and hereditary do some metaphorical and literal examination of mental illness

annihilation (2018) - featuring four women in the lead roles, and people. LOVE. this movie. for good reason. i’m slightly biased because i read the (very different) source material first and lean towards that but this is a STUNNING movie in its own right.  if you’re looking for some good sci fi/horror with some really thought-provoking themes, annihilation’s well worth checking out.

warnings: LOTS OF BODY HORROR, also self harm/suicide. probably some other stuff

happy death day (2017) - if you’re looking for some lighter fare, happy death day is SO much fun. very campy, very funny, very... affectionate towards the slasher genre and its own characters. WONDERFULLY entertaining female lead. it’s basically slasher movie groundhog day. there’s no way you’re not gonna have a good time.

warnings: i don’t really think there are many. people die obviously and there is one scene where a girl hangs herself but it’s a pg-13 movie so nothing’s really grpahic

you’re next (2013) - really, REALLY fun subversion of the slasher/home invasion genre here. not... quite as light as happy death day, but definitely not as dark as some of the other entries on this list. very clever and tongue-in-cheek! i can’t say much about the lead without spoiling EVERYTHING but she is phenomenal and you will not regret watching her. most people who watch this movie fall in love with it

warnings: usual blood, gore, etc.

absentia (2011) - do you like the haunting of hill house? hush? oculus? mike flanagan directed all of those, and absentia was really his first kind of... delving into the horror genre before those. it’s a quiet, low budget little movie that’s not very well known but it has stayed with me for years. very poignant, haunting story about a relationship between two damaged sisters and their respective... healing journeys. SO good.

warnings: almost everything happens off screen tbh. there’s a bit of scary imagery but like i said it’s pretty low budget and they make better use of what you DON’T see than what you do 

jennifer’s body (2009) - i feel like jennifer’s body has practically reached cult status by this point. do i really need to introduce it? female-led monster movie. GAY female-led monster movie. girl falls in love with her best friend, best friend gets possessed by a demon. written by the eternally witty diablo cody. need i say more.

warnings: i think there’s some gross body horror in a few parts but that’s about it

the silence of the lambs (1991) - very much a crime thriller first, horror movie second, but. yes, silence of the lambs. if you like mystery-thriller-serial killer stories, you can’t go wrong with this. everyone knows it for hannibal lecter but clarice starling is an AMAZING protagonist and very ground-breaking in a lot of ways for the time. it’s a movie that actually actively examines sexism

warnings: hannibal lecter and buffalo bill are freaks, they do stuff like skinning and eating people

alien (1979) - just to include another right and proper classic on this list, ellen ripley is still one of the best women in fiction EVER. you like sigourney weaver? scary monsters? claustrophobic spaces? go back and watch alien. i’d also recommend the sequel, aliens, and i also have a soft spot for prometheus (2012). people are very split on prometheus but i think it had AMAZING potential and, again, great female characters

[aegissi]

50 questions tag 💕

I was tagged by @sophrosynes (this took me like a month im sorry)

1. what takes up too much of your time? definitely social media n looking at kpop stuff or youtchube videos :////

2. what makes your day better? nowadays the only thing that will always lift my mood is working out bc of all those chemicals

3. what’s the best thing that happened to you today? i procrastinated today so i didn’t do much sjgvdfhdbk i did an arm workout tho and it was so satisfying to be able to do all the moves without a break bc it shows that im getting stronger n i luv that

4. what fictional place would you like to go? the house in my neighbor totoro bc it just looks nice and peaceful

5. are you good at giving advice? i think i am but ultimately the receiver decides if the advice was indeed good or not 

6. do you have any mental illness? hahahahahahhaa yea maybey probably im seeing a therapist anyway

7. have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? no it sounds very intriguing tho n i was surprised that so many people experienced it 

8. what musician inspired you the most? epik high and 2ne1 :(((

9. have you ever fallen in love? nah i don’t think so,, im more of a “intricate daydreams abt romantic scenarios that won’t ever happen” type girl

10. what’s your dream date? roberta im litcherally the same sjgdvfjbhk so yea museum or art gallery and then going to a place to talk,, i think a picnic would be nice too??

11. what do others notice about you? well first off they notice im #asian asfhjdg and also like my eyes i think? especially if i put on makeup (tbh i don’t even think that people notice things abt me)

12. what is the annoying habit you have? i always hum or sing-song randomly,, i personally don’t find it annoying but maybe others would ig

13. do you still talk to your first love? my first crush is a business major now so no lmaooo

14. how many ex’s do you have? zero

15. how many songs are on your playlist? 182 on my current tunes playlist but i have like 30 playlists in total

16. what instruments can you play? none unfortunately :// (i want to learn gayageum tho bc it sounds cool)

17. who do you have the most pictures of? 80% of my phone galleries are selfies bc i Love Myself

18. where would you like to go before you die? i want to go to a place where there’s a lot of snow n it’s really white n quiet

19. what is your zodiac? capricorn babey!!

20. do you relate to it? yea im very earthy n i like money

21. what is happiness to you? being at peace and not worrying,,, just being in the moment n enjoying it to its fullest

22. are you going through anything right now? yea but a bitch is gonna survive as always

23. what’s the worst decision you’ve ever made? i don’t really remember and i don’t even want to bc thats not useful to my growth

24. what’s your favorite store? there’s a vintage store i really like and also artbox in korea,,, they have so much stuff i almost bought the whole stationary section

25. what’s your opinion on abortion? it should be as safe as possible for the people who choose to have one 

26. do you keep a bucket list? yea but i always forget what i put on it anyway and i end up remaking it every year rsgjbjkf i do have a bucket list for the month tho!! 

27. do you have a favorite album at the moment? not really i feel like it’s been a while since i last listened to an album in its entirety 

28. what do you want for your birthday? a hair straightener bc my bangs are currently out of control

29. what are most people’s first impression of you? i have no idea honestly but i think it’s mostly good? but i can appear kinda distant bc i am quite distant if im not feeling the person 

30. what age do you seem according to most people? i look my age tbh i’ve never had anyone give me more at least

31. where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? on my desk or charged near my bed

32. what word do you say the most? uuuuhh idk but i write “okey” a lot by texts shfdbhkf

33. what’s the oldest age you would date? like 22?? i don’t like huge age gaps

34. what’s the youngest age you would date? people born in december 2000 sjbhkdb otherwise ur babey

35. what job/career do most people say would suit you? one of my best friends used to tell me i would be a good therapist but i feel like thats bc im a good listener?? other than that idk (i asked my parents once n they were like. just do what u want zjvhjgbfk thats not helpful!!!)

36. what’s your favorite music genre? the type of music they put in chill study music playlists on youtube honestly (and also anything that sounds gay. i luv disco sm u guys don’t even know)

37. if you could live in any country in the world where would it be? korea bc i need yakult and karaokes

38. what is your current favorite song? shine by pentagon bc i relate to the lyrics now sgdbkjfnkjb

39. how long have you had this blog for? uuuhh i wanna say 2 years??

40. what are you excited for? my paris trip with my friends!!!!!!! 

41. are you a better talker or listener? im a good listener but i luv talking bc i luv attention,,,, but im also not very eloquent most of the time??? so im gonna go with listener

42. what is the last productive thing you did? not 2 repeat myself again but working out (im a jock i tell u)

43. what do you want for christmas?  money would be nice

44. what class do you get the best grades in? according to my exam results it’s english but i had good grades in physics in hs and also in literature

45. on a scale from 1-10, how are you feeling right now? a solid 4.5

46. what can you see yourself doing in 10 years? in a nice apartment with lots of plants and wearing a long white dress while playing the ukulele to my flower bouquets

47. when did you get your first heartbreak? ay it’s always been broken fellas 🤠🤠 if we wanna get more specific i’d say first year of high school during my first friendship breakup

48. at what age do you want to get married? honestlé? i don’t wanna get married,, to me it just seems like another thing to be trapped in and i value my independance too much

49. what career did you want to have as a child?  i wanted to be a vet bc i loved animals!! i also wanted to be a jedi too but thats smth else entirely 

50. what do you crave now? affection/purpose/peace/blueberry muffin/tteokbokki with cheese

im tagging: @1fancafe @twejoon @ilovemeghan @flowerene @scy @rainmv @jinseas (idk who did this already but ignore if u want to sgjdbgkfn)

[va-faen-culo]

RANT PT 1:Tbh nothing will ever top the OG for me but I love each remakes' take on diff teen culture. BUT. Noorh*lm remakes will top anything the OG has ever done. No idea why Noorhe*lm stans relate to our dislike to our love for Evak. Uh... Idk maybe because out of all the main relationships in show, Evak was the second most relatable and healthy (after Yousana)? And I'm saying that as straight person, not a fucking fangirl. Lemme tell you why...

(I’m gonna y’all know now this is going to be long, but anon is spilling some hot ass tea and every part is worth reading)

RANT PT 2: Evak is liked because the nature of their situation was believable and something any relationship could go through. Mental illness and its stigmas? I’ve dealt w/ that, even had my own prejudices like Isak due to my own experiences of witnessing it. Eva’s insecurity and mistrust? I never cheated but I know exactly shitty breaking a friendship makes you feel. Sana’s identity crisis through religion and her defensive mechanism? Spot on..

“ I’m saying that as straight person, not a fucking fangirl“ I really love that you brought this up, because there is definitely a problem in this fandom with invalidating the opinions of anyone who is not queer. The story of Even and Isak was able to touch many people and so many ways and the way it was portrayed was incredibly realistic, along with the storylines of seasons 1 and 4. Disliking Noorhelm is not a problem of “uwu where are my gays” it is a problem of “so we’re just not going to address how toxic this is”

RANT PT 3: Most teenagers will go through some sort of self-questioning and priority check. I was raised with two cultures growing up; my ethnic and the dominant one. Growing up around a culture since childhood but not really fitting in, be it by race or religion or sexuality. Now, to Noorh*lm. What exactly did I learn? That asking someone out until they agree is… cute? That changing the cold and cool person isn’t actually emotionally taxing or damaging and that you should go for it? Fuck that 

!!! I have also experienced conflicts with my race/culture and the society i live in, and that feeling of not fitting in really struck close to home with season 4. (and parts of season 3 and 1) Noora’s story reinforced shitty tropes, such as “persistence always perseveres” and “changing people is easy with the power of love” and i think “fuck that” is a pretty solid reaction to seeing Julie glorify these toxic tropes

RANT PT 4: Is getting with the rich popular guy actually universal? Y'know that relatable moment when you’re at his party but end up sleeping at his place and strumming the guitar while he makes cocoa for you? No? Thought everyone went through that?? I learned nothing from that season and their relationship in the rest that came after it. No, I won’t even tolerate what happened to Noora and Niko. I’ll appreciate Josefina’s amazing portrayal of what trauma looks like but the conclusion made me cry

Are you telling me you haven’t experienced all these things??  (Also I will admit I bawled like a baby watching Josefinas portrayal of that situation but it wasn’t enough to save the season) 

RANT PT 5: I admire Julie Andem but I honestly thought that parts of it came from a personal place had made her cloudy in the ending. I cannot and will never believe that Noora fully recovered after that mishap or able to fully accept any intimate advances without showing any signs of trauma. It doesn’t matter if it was true or not, she still woke up exposed next to him and he saw and captured it and threatened her. And she was fine the moment Mari, who was also drunk, SAYS nothing happened??

I do not know much about trauma so I am glad someone else was thrown off by her lack of hesitance in entering an intimate relationship so quickly after such an intense event

RANT PT 6: Finally, the ending. No better way to conclude the static and unlikeable nature of this couple than to end it with William jokingly driving away from Noora, leaving her to be devastated once again, only to say it was jokes. Holy shit?? This couple sounds batshit toxic.They don’t communicate for half a year, William gets another girl and Noora is still hopeful. Then its resolved by… leaving her friends worried and ditching responsibilities?

THAT SHIT WAS FUCKING WHACK FFJSFDJSJNSJ. I was so glad when he left and then he had the audacity to come back, and then Noora comes back after a year of him neglecting her and it was like ‘hallelujah she’s come to her senses!’ and then HOMEBOY COMES BACK and she goes running back into his arms like it nothing. I want to bang my head into a wall just thinking off it.

RANT PT 7: I guess someone that’s been in a toxic relationship could relate? But what was the point of this couple? Joneva was important because slut-shaming and unhealthy women dynamics was/is still a thing to talk about. Evak was important because bury your gay trope and stereotyping gay people was/is still a thing. Yousana was/is important for teens dealing with religious discrimination and how it affects your relationships and your behaviour. These were all commentaries but still hit home.

I think my biggest problem was that Julie never addressed that their relationship was toxic. Season 2 could have delivered such an important message about how unhealthy that type of relationship is, but instead she makes it seem like they are some sort of match made in heaven. So much potential man…

RANT PT 8: Noorh*lm was not a commentary, because it was definitely a toxic relationship that had a happy ending anyways. I honestly love Skam but season 2 is hellish for me to go through, knowing what they’re like throughout all the season. I don’t mind the characters, but I want the remakes to surpass the OG with this one. Show us a realistic and likable straight couple to prove you don’t have to be toxic no matter how good-looking the couple may look. I’m sorry for bombarding you. Thank you.

Preach!! I’m really crossing my fingers for the remakes to learn from Julie’s mistakes!

Honestly anon you have really made my entire week. I completely agree with all the points you have made and I am so glad you felt comfortable unloading in my inbox! You’re officially the queen of season 2 call-outs, and I’d love to talk to you off anon and also to hear your thoughts in the future as more versions of season 2 come out! Have a wonderful day, and I hope getting this off your chest was as rewarding for you as it was for me 

[ificouldflytotheclouds]

Skam Tag

So I am watching this video, a video I’ve definitely watched even if just in part in the past. I feel down the isak and even rabbit hole again, which makes me watch to rewatch skam, and potentially give one of the remakes a try (I’m skeptical, but more open then dec 2018 when I finished og skam).

Anyways, I wanted to follow along, and see if my answers change at all between now and when I rewatch the series (as if I’m not mistaken, I’ve only seen each season one time, despite really enjoying the show)

Favorite Character: Isak

Season 3 is without a questionable doubt my favorite, it was the reason I started to watch the show, like many others. I do wonder though if my answer had been the same if I started the show from season 1 with no spoilers? I feel like Isak would still be up there, he’s very soft and sweet, but he still enjoys himself, he’s intelligent, (and asks for help? am I pulling that out of my back pocket), he’s open to evolving as a character and acknowledges his mistakes or ignorance. 

Looking back on #skam tag, Noora was one of my favorites upon the first watch, which kinda surprises me, but more so because Noora’s season was confusing and I still don’t know if I understand what happened. (so my confusion has more to do with the plot than the character)

Favorite Ship: Isak x Even 

It’s hard to put into words why something is your favorite, but there was obviously a reason why the pictures of these two characters made me interested to watch the show. 

To get the obvious out of the way: It’s a gay young couple, it’s first love. Something you don’t find as often in the media. While it is more prevalent in this century, this specific development of THEIR relationship is hard to find. As someone who now identifies as bisexual (but also does not care about labels for the most part) I wonder if this is why I was interested in this storyline, and why gay storylines have stood out to me. But again it’s not quite that (tangent time), I remember sophomore year of college there were girls in one of my classes that were really into boys love, and I didn’t understand why someone who was straight (From my knowledge) would be so into boys love, which made me question if it was being fetishized. But as they explained it, one of the girls said, it was because there is not the power dynamic as there automatically is in a heterosexual or heterosexual presenting couple. There was probably more that she said but that’s what I remember....

The script, the acting, is pure, it feels what I would imagine a first love would be. Even is patient with Isak and his coming out. The element of Even having a partner and Isak jealously is a complex storyline that adds to the build-up of them eventually becoming a couple. Going back to what my college classmate said, you can see that they are very similar, Even has a slightly more dominating role, but not overly so.... they compliment each other really well, and it feels and looks realistic.

When I was searching Isak and Even videos on youtube yesterday, I ran into the kiss cam video which I hadn’t seen before, and one of the comments (or rather, many of the comments) said that this was more tongue action than we saw all s3. But there is something pure about the fac that Tarjei is younger and Henrik is older, so in theory, Henrik would be more experienced... anyways. 

Anyways, they’re cute and pure, one perk of the series ending 5 seasons early is we don’t see them break up. Or go through a new major hardship.

My second favorite would have to be Magnus and Vilde they’re cute.

Favorite Scene:

This one is more difficult for me to answer since I have only seen each season once and it has been over a year since I saw season 4 from what I remember these were my highlights: the ending scene of the series when everyone is together, isak coming out to Jonas, and the parallel universe scene. 

Favorite Music Scene:

Lol I defs don’t remember anything...

Favorite Cast Member: Lisa Teige

Again, I don’t know. I never followed the actors too much/sometimes the language barrier is too much effort. But I will say Lisa Teige from her vibe. 

Favorite Friendship: Eva and Noora

 I talk a lot about Isak and Even here but the girl squad without the boys is nice.

Who would I want to date: Isak or Eva

I think 2016 me would have said Noora (and probably Isak). But I think I am too similar to Noora, and Eva is more of the energy I would want going into a relationship. She is more relaxed and adventurous. While Noora can be more serious at times, which is great but I think would be appreciated more as a friend.

Favorite thing about the show: Authenticity.

Like my original post from 2016, when I first started skam, I enjoy the show because it feels real, it feels less like a television show and more like you're actually looking into the lives of these characters. Down to things as simple as not covering up their makeup, and having longer transitions between scenes even if it’s not really exciting, but it can at time intensify the emotion of the scene, same go with the lack of music at times - which is a testament to the script and the acting, to be able to captivate an audience without the makeup, scenery, or drama. 

(I wish I watched it live when it came out so I could appreciate the social media associated with the show, but 1) I don’t know the language (probs could found a twitter for that) 2) would’ve been so much easier in high school (minus the later depression killing my grades)

Season 4 main:

This tag is obviously pretty old because I’ve seen Sana as the season 4 main. If they hadn’t canceled I would have liked Vilde to be season 5 main.

Then in no particular order it would be nice to get these characters to have a main: Jonas, Even, Eskild, Chris Berg (girl), and Magnus (this would mean that Mahdi wouldn’t get a season but I mean, who wouldn’t want an Eskild season)

In this hypothetical land, there would be themes on parents, mental illness, weight?, academics?/future plans, and maybe someone who is struggling with drugs. Like obviously I love seeing the relationship side of the seasons (I say as if I actually liked Noora’s season, she got the worst ship of them all, no thanks, but she is a BA character so it kind of evens out), but if the show would really succeed they would have needed to continue to push topics (aka my topics were rudimentary as it is) (I keep going back and forth between tenses I am oh so sorry)

I think this is where Sana’s season really shined (While she is not my favorite character she had my season favorite season, she had a complex character, and we were able to have a good look at many aspects of her life and her thought process around such things.

With that said here is my ranking of the 4 seasons of skam:

1) Isak 2) Sana 3) Eva 4) Noora. 

[tumblunni]

Tell us things about Team Galactic that you love. Tell us what it is about the commanders and leader you love!

Oh man, where do I start! Where do i end?? XDI’ll just list random stuff!

* I started off liking Team Galactic just because they’re very silly in an endearing way. I unironically love the over-the-top designs for everyone!!* But I also gained even more appreciation for them as the game progressed! They’re like... CRAZY competant! They manage to succeed A LOT at all of their goals, and even though they’re an eccentric lot their leader is a terrifying badass and their ultimate hidden goals are some of the darkest in the series. And it’s a great duality! And I love how its actually aknowledged in-universe as a plot point! People underestimated them because of their outward silliness. And Cyrus deliberately kept the full truth from all of his underlings, so even they didn’t know exactly what they were helping him do. There’s a lot of theories that this is even why he selected the people he did for the job, he picked a bunch of easy-to-manipulate dopes who would craft a harmless goofy image for his team. I don’t think that’s entirely fair though, I don’t think the commanders and grunts are STUPID, even if they can come off as space cases sometimes. I just like to think that cyrus subconciously recruited a bunch of ragtag goofballs who had similar mental illnesses to him, out of a repressed desire for companionship...* ALSO I LIKE HOW I CAN THINK WAY TOO MUCH INTO THE HEADCANONS OF THIS TEAM, OK LOL* Oh and I REALLY REALLY like how the vast majority of the grunts are 100% good guys. Everyone thinks their boss is gonna save the world, and everything is justified in the name of that. And a lot of them are such softhearted goofballs! They were one of the earliest teams to have so much absolute comedy to them, and a sense of being a big ‘ol family. They’re like the beta of what also made me love Team Skull a lot!* An important point to consider: Team Skull does not have an Official Evil HQ Nap Room. Thus they can never truly win.* ALSO CONSIDER: seriously, this big grumpy emotionally-repressed evil bossman ranting about how friendship is futile, as he draws up the plans for the official evil HQ nap room. And the tv room. And the family kitchen. And the glow in the dark star pattern wallpaper. And then hugs his crobat.* I unironically love the turquoise bowl cuts and wanted forever to dye my hair and now my hair is not exactly that colour of turquoise but its blue at least. LIFE GOALS ACHIEVED!

ABOUT THE COMMANDERS:

* I love them much!! I think i’m in the minority here, but i liked them even more than cyrus! This gen was also the first gen that had such heavy personality writing for the admins. Gen 3 introduced admins with names, but the aqua and magma ones had the same dialogue just with a few words swapped here and there. My only complaint is that the commanders didnt get as much screentime as they could have, the games hadnt hit that era yet. I hope if we get remakes their roles can be expanded as much as tbe gen 3 admins were!* Another unpopular opinion: grumpy grandpa is best. I will sit here in the tiny charon fandom forever! And cry forever at the potential plotline of him once being childhood friends with a rotom before he turned evil. That whole journal is just WARM AND FUZZY FEELINGS and then it gets so sad when you think about where he ended up after like 50 years! Gramps, go back and hug your pokemon again, ok?* I think Jupiter is unfairly underrated, cos she’s a badass and a cool team mom! And I like to headcanon her as kinda buff and athletic so i was happy she was drawn that way in the pokespe manga. I feel like she’s the heavy hitter of the team in both pokemon and actual punches! While being hella elegant and full of sass! And also I like to imagine she loves poison type pokemon and treats them like pampered poodles, cos that is a cute mental image. I always thought it was funny that such a stylish lady has a giant fart skunk as her signature pokemon! The most fashionable fart skunk in all of sinnoh~* Mars is awesome and badass and cute and awesome and I LOVE that her pokespe personality aligned perfectly with my headcanons somehow?? I like her as a perpetually cheerful kinda-unhinged mad bomber type warrior that has everyone fleeing in fear. She’s adorable and tough and EVEN SCARIER cos her toughness is done in an adorable way! Like.. basically, harley quinn??? (But without the uncomfortable abusive boyfriend plot) I think personality-wise she’s the most engaging of the main commander trio, and she fits super well as the one who gets the most battles during the main game. She always feels like the face of team galactic to me, more than Cyrus even!* And saturn is just cool and cute and his personality might be a bit less developed in the games cos he only gets one battle scene, but he’s still awesome! Its just a shame that all the adaptations gave wildly different ideas of what his personality might be, and I can never decide which one I prefer. So I like to just imagine they’re all canon, and he can be a calm and collected serious dude with a secret grumpy goofball streak. I feel like thats better cos then he’s just as eccentric as the rest of the team and he can stand out just as much, yknow? Oh, and also I liked his design the most as a kid! He was the one I wished I could look like!

OK LOL IM SORRY I RAMBLED SO MUCH

[sandcastiekingdcms]

to summarize what’s under the cut, minus some possibly triggering things / themes / mentions: i am remaking my blog. i will only be keeping roman, naomi, and dolph. i am contemplating adding wade wilson / deadpool so my number of muses is even ( and because i’ve been wanting to start writing him again for ages and my number obsession really hates odd numbers that aren’t multiples of five ). nia and kevin will be discord only - so, feel free to ask for my discord if you want to write them with or any of my muses without the stress that comes with tumblr. i won’t be posting a link to my new blog or posting a promo; i am only following a select number of people on my new blog for my own sanity, but, if, by . . . let’s say wednesday, you haven’t received a follow from my new blog and you really want to write with me still, shoot me a message on here and i’ll definitely follow you !! i am dropping all threads and starting with a clean slate; ships will not be dropped unless the other person wishes to.

below the cut you will find an explanation that no one asked for about what’s going on in my personal life. you don’t have to read it by any means, i just wanted to provide an explanation for remaking yet again. please check the tags for triggers and be careful — nothing is discussed explicitly, but i don’t want to trigger or upset anyone, okay? but, again, below the cut is a more in-depth explanation of why i’m doing this.

i’m going into my senior year of college, which has kind of triggered an emotional breakdown because i have this thing with control and i feel as if i have zero control over my life at this point in time. i’m in a pretty awful place when it comes to thinking about my future, which means that what is already one of the hardest seasons / times of the year to deal with is even worse. i’m also having severe body issues because being a trans guy in the summer is hell on earth, especially pre-top surgery. i’m feeling super suicidal and self-destructive most of the time i’m awake, which is why i’m almost never awake. but sleeping all day is just gonna make my depressive episode worse. so i’m trying to get back into writing, to have something to do. hopefully, i can find a summer job, but functioning at all is difficult for me right now.

i wanted to keep this blog going because everyone is probably tired of me remaking over and over, but this blog causes me so much anxiety on top of the overwhelming anxiety i’m already struggling with. i’m hoping by starting over, simplifying things, and having something fun to put my thought and efforts into again will help make the summer a little easier. i’m dropping kevin and nia on the new blog because, again, i want things as simple as possible -- and i don’t feel like i portray them well enough to do them justice anyways. i’m sorry to anyone who wanted to write with them / who had ships with kevin, but i am more than willing, as mentioned before, to write them on discord. or even email, if anyone still does that anymore.

i am, of course, getting help for my mental illness. i am going to counseling once a week and i have a great support system ( shout out to joey, if they’re reading this -- you’re the best !! ); this isn’t a cry for help, and please don’t worry about me. i’m not gonna say i’m not struggling, because i am, but i am actively getting help from both loved ones and mental health professionals, which is an important step in dealing with and managing disorders like mine. i’m hoping that this new blog will help me get back into my ~writing groove and that will help, even if just a little bit, so thanks for putting up with me !! and, of course, if you’re tired of all of these new blogs, there is no pressure to follow me back on my new blog. i understand completely. but to those that are still willing to put up with me: i can’t wait to get back to ( or even, finally, start ) writing with you !!

a quick side note: if anyone is struggling right now with any type of mental illness or even just with life in general, please seek help. whether that’s reaching out to a friend or seeing a counselor, there is someone who is willing to help you. if money is a problem, there are counseling centers with sliding fees that can actually allow you to receive treatment for free in some cases - and, in most cases, at a reduced rate that might be easier to afford. if you want to talk about anything, feel free to reach out to me, if you feel comfortable doing so. if you have any questions about mental health treatment ( i’ve been receiving treatment for various disorders for about ten years now ) or want help finding resources, i’m more than glad to help. i will very willingly do research on your behalf and help you find what you need. or if you just want to talk, i’m here for that too! i will mention professional help if i feel that you would benefit from it, but i will not be incessant or insist or pressure you by any means. i may not always have an answer or a solution, but i will always listen. or reach out to a friend or loved one! i promise, someone in your life is willing to listen. if you’re in intense and immediate distress, please reach out to a hotline! if you don’t feel comfortable talking on the phone, you can always - if you’re in the united states - text 4hope to 741 741 to text a crisis counselor. if you live in or even outside of the united states, a quick google search can help you find hotline numbers or even websites, but, again, i can always help you find them if you need them. please take your mental health seriously. you are important and you matter.

sorry for the rambling ( though i’m not sorry for the rant about mental health, because it’s an important topic ). i plan on setting up the blog either today or tomorrow and having everyone followed by wednesday. hope everyone is having a good summer, and i can’t wait to get back to my tumblr / rp shenanigans !!

[myhahnestopinion]

The Night A BUREAUCRATIC, OPEN-HEARTED NICE GUY Came Home: HOSPITAL MASSACRE (1982)

A hospital is a pretty solid choice of setting for a horror film. There’s a nice irony to a place centered around healing to be the site of a series of grotesque murders. Halloween II used this irony to great effect, to emphasize the inexorable horrors of Michael Myers’ pursuit of Laurie Strode on Halloween Night 1978. Other films such as A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, Hellbound: Hellraiser II, and, to a lesser extent, Rob Zombie’s remake of Halloween II, also utilize this irony of transforming a hospital’s refuge into a house of horrors.

1982’s Hospital Massacre, also known as X-Ray and Be My Valentine, Or Else…, is not particularly concerned with this irony. It’s far too busy being fascinated by the bureaucracy of visiting a hospital. The film is most notable for staring Barbi Benton, whose career runs the gamut in moral inoffensiveness from Playboy model to Country music star (I’ll let you decide which constitutes the low point on that moral inoffensiveness scale).  Like Laurie Strode just a year prior, Barbi Benton finds herself chased by a masked killer around a hospital, but her pursuer is far more concerned with getting the proper paperwork filed than getting his kill. You really should feel sorry for this killer though, because, well, he’s just such a “nice guy.” Why doesn’t somebody want to date him?

The film’s cold open is one that certainly matches My Bloody Valentine, another clear source of inspiration for the film, in abrupt escalation, but, hey, love just moves fast sometimes. We open on “Susan’s House,” as the film’s inter-title helpfully explains, because we all know where Susan’s house is located and who Susan is, right? Here, a young, shy boy named Harold puts the finishing touches of his hand-made Valentine, before leaving it on the doorstep. Aww, we’ve all been there, right?

Harold watches from the window as Susan takes the Valentine back to her living room, where she and her friend David laugh at it and crumple it up. Susan abruptly ends her laughing to announce, “I’m going to go eat some cake now.” It’s a sudden decision that gets her out of the room long enough for Harold to break in, and kill David. Aww, we’ve all been there, right? Right? Hello?

Susan returns to find David’s dead body on the hatstand. Huh, looks like Harold’s not the only guy who’s hung up on Susan now! Ha ha ha ha ha!

But seriously, I wonder why she doesn’t want to be his Valentine? I mean, sure, his decision to murder her best friend may have come out of nowhere, but so did her sudden desire to get some cake, so they seem perfect to me! Love thrives on spontaneity!

There’s no follow up to these events before we cut to 19 years later. That’s the origin story. One of the trademark elements of a slasher film is a villain who has been wronged in the past. Freddy Krueger was burned alive in an act of vigilante justice. Jason murders teens because they let him drown, as did his mother before him. The killer from I Know What You Did Last Summer kills because he knows what they did last summer. What does Harold from Hospital Massacre have as a motivation? He was rejected by a girl once in grade school.

You know, sadly, this is probably the most believable slasher villain motivation that I’ve ever encountered.

So, in 1980, Susan has grown up to be a successful business woman, but is still unlucky in love, having divorced her husband Tom, with whom she has a daughter. That’s about all we learn about this now adult Susan before she is driven by her new boyfriend Jack to the hospital, where the remainder of the film takes place. 

The ninth floor of this hospital is currently being fumigated, which adds some nice eerie fog to the proceedings, as well as a lot of confusion as to why characters continue to visit this floor regardless. In the first of many instances of the poor communication between this hospital’s staff, Dr. Jacobs is called up to the 9th floor, and heads there, despite it being fumigated. She is promptly murdered by a mysterious man dressed in surgical scrubs.

After murdering her doctor, the surgeon killer swaps out Susan’s x-rays with a fake pair that apparently suggest that Susan is in need of immediate medical attention. The film can’t be bothered to specify just what life-threatening condition this could be exactly. All we know is that this is a urgent condition that requires Playboy model Barbi Benton to undress so that a doctor can re-evaluate her. Proper medical procedure or gratuitous nudity? I’ll let you figure that one out.

The movie tries to justify this nude scene by throwing in some hilariously lame attempts at building tension. During the check-up, the doctor moves his hands up towards Susan’s neck. Could he be about to choke her to death? Um, no, he’s just checking her pulse and breathing and stuff. But then, he picks up a sharp needle! Could he be about to stab her to death?! Um, no, he’s just drawing blood. Also, a needle poke wouldn’t kill someone.

While Susan awaits the results of her test, the film sets about establishing its murder mystery. The film’s pitiful attempt to build up a cast of suspects for its masked killer essentially amounts to the film making us question whether all the male characters are staring at Susan just because she is played by Barbi Benton, or because she’s played by Barbi Benton and so they want to kill her. 

Could the killer be Hal, a man who is allowed to wander the hallways of the hospital drunk for some reason, and who sloppily eats a hamburger with way too much ketchup so that the film can try to briefly trick us into thinking its blood? Um, no, ketchup and blood do not look similar. At all.

Could it be Susan’s ex-husband Tom, as suggested in a brief, unresolved subplot where Susan calls her daughter and is told that Tom left their child home alone? 

Could it be handsome doctor #1, Dr. Saxon, who seems intent on keeping Susan in the hospital at all costs?

Or could it be handsome doctor #2, whose name is Harry, just like the Harold from the film’s cold open, and who acts charming towards Susan before disappearing for three-fourths of the movie? 

Huh. I just don’t know, Hospital Massacre.

While a nurse is typing up Susan’s blood work, she is killed by the surgeon, who waited behind a closet door until she finished typing, despite the fact that he just wants to swap out the blood report with another fake document. Another nurse discovers this, and is strangled with a stethoscope, so at least the film delivered on everyone’s expected hospital themed murder. 

When the doctors receive this false report, they decide that Susan needs to be kept in the hospital for observation. She is placed in the same room as three elderly women, who gossip to themselves about the ways in which Susan’s still-undefined illness could cause her to shrivel up and die. Like the fumigated floor before them, the three elderly women add atmosphere to the film, being reminiscent of the Fates from Greek mythology, as well as add a lot of confusion, particularly as to who they are and why the film spends so much time on their bickering when it could be developing a more complex mystery.

With Susan kept in the hospital far longer than expected, boyfriend Jack decides to visit her. When told by a nurse that Susan was placed under observation and that she can give him no more details, Jack mutters, “That explains everything,” in a line that was clearly written as sarcastic, but is delivered in a manner that suggest the film really does want us to forget that it can’t be bothered to come up with some possible deadly disease that Susan could have.

While waiting for more word, Jack receives a phone call telling him to head up to the floor that is currently being fumigated. There, he crosses paths with the three elderly women, who are also just randomly wandering these gas-filled hallway, before heading into a nearby room. He begins to hear a menacing whisper from a shadowy figure. “Is Susan your mistress?” the voices hisses. “Can you touch her wherever you like? In all her… secret places…?” 

Secret places? Geez, I wonder why this guy can’t get a date. Well, there’s the breasts and the vulva and associated areas, but, well, most people know about those, surgeon killer… Or are there more secret places that we don’t know about?! Gasp! WHAT ARE YOU HIDING FROM US, SUSAN??!

The surgeon steps out of the shadows and kills Jack. He then delivers a Valentine gift to Susan’s bedside. Susan awakens and opens the gift to reveal a… Jack-in-the-box. Aww, how cute! Well, more accurately, it’s Jack’s-head-in-a-box, but, hey, it’s the thought that counts. This film is really trying to one-up the other Valentine themed slasher flick I’ve covered in this series with this bit, as that one only ever had cardiac organs in its Valentine’s Day presents. Eat your heart out, My Bloody Valentine!

After receiving her boyfriend’s decapitated head, Susan runs through the hallways of the hospital screaming for help. The only people she finds, though, are three men strung up in full body casts, which only causes her to scream louder. Oh my god! It’s people who have had severe enough injuries that they need extensive cast work on their bodies! The horror! How do we know if they are even people anymore with their bodies covered like that?!

Dr. Saxon finds Susan screaming, and returns her to her hospital room. After seeing that the Valentine box now only contains a cake, he decides that Susan needs to be detained, as one of the reported symptoms of her still completely unexplained medical condition is mental deterioration. With Susan now confined to the hospital, strapped to her bed, and drugged by some non-descript pink pill designed to treat her non-descript fake illness, it appears that the killer’s plot is almost complete! What could it all be leading up to?!

The surgeon picks off some more nurses and doctors before we find out. One kill involves the killer walking slowly down a hallway towards a nurse, holding a spread-out white sheet in front of him. For anyone with a dreadful fear of white sheets, such as this young nurse, it’s a terrifying sequence. For all of you out there not scared by bedsheets, it’s, well, pretty laughable.

Finally, the surgeon enacts the final stage of his master plan. With all this planning involved, I hope its something really good! He wheels Susan to a surgical table, where he begins to caress her “secret areas.” However, the surgeon decides it’s best not to leave Susan strapped down as he prepares to operate on her. And, so Susan reaches out and pulls of the mask revealing the killer to be…

Yeah, it’s Harry. 

Well, as an irritated Harry says, “Not Harry. It’s Harold, remember?” at which point the film flashes back to the cold open where child Susan laughs at child Harold’s Valentine. Yes, this film’s twist ending relies entirely on the viewer not knowing how nicknames work.

This twist is apparently targeted at the kind of people who can’t figure out that LarryBoy is actually Larry the Cucumber… which is honesty probably more people than I expect. 

But wait! There’s more! “Harry” backwards is “Yrrah”, which is approximately the sound I scream out in frustration when having to deal with how dumb this mystery was!

So, with the killer’s identity revealed, Susan asks Harold what he wants. “What I’ve always wanted,” Harold replies, while grabbing a surgical saw. “Your heart.”

…You know, I’ve heard of a lot of elaborate attempts to win over a romantic interest before, but, well, Harold here just blows them all out of the water. Here is a man who is willing to spend 19 years, during which time he made no further effort to communicate with Susan or express his feelings for her, building up his master plan, attending medical school, getting a job at a big-city hospital where Susan lives, waiting for her to get a work-related medical check-up, waiting for her to return for the results of this work-related medical check-up, murdering her primary physician so that he can swap out her X-rays for fake ones, murdering a nurse so that he can swap out her blood work for another fake, building up enough of a paper trail to get her placed under observation, and then finally taking her to an operating table so that he can literally, not figuratively, have her heart. 

Wow! How romantic! I mean, if it was me, I probably would have just cut out her heart without all that trouble or paperwork, or maybe just talk to her again because people’s feelings change a lot since grade school. But, hey, it’s just really sweet when someone’s willing to make such a grand gesture for the person they love. What a nice guy!

And so, after 19 years of careful planning, Harold’s master plan is undone when the three old women show up again, looking for Dr. Saxon, which distracts him long enough for Susan to stab him with a knife and run away. Yes, he would have gotten away with his elaborate murder plan 19 years in the making if it weren’t for those meddling… elderly people! Never underestimate the meddling nature of elderly people, dude!

The film then culminates with a tedious chase sequences around the hospital, ending with Harold being doused in chemicals, lit on fire, and tumbling off a roof to his death. Now that’s what I call burning love, am I right? Ha ha ha ha! Susan exits the hospital and is reunited with her ex-husband and daughter before the movie ends, because, hey, what other resolution do we need from a film with no plot and unremarkable characters.

You know, sometimes, the heart knows what it wants, and sometimes it doesn’t. Hospital Massacre does not know what it wants. Was it a Valentine’s Day themed slasher, or a hospital themed one? Was Harold meant to be a sympathetic character in that cold open, or was Susan?  Were those three elderly women meant to be comedic relief, or a deus ex machina, or did they serve no purpose at all? Was Harold’s forging of documents an elaborate plot, or was it entirely pointless? The film ultimately can’t decide on any of these points, leaving Hospital Massacre to desperate scramble to come up with increasingly absurd reasons as to why anything happens in this film at all, while always refusing to detail Susan’s supposed illness. While there’s a lot of charm from the film’s shlocky slasher nature, it really features nothing that hasn’t been done better elsewhere, such as in the hospital-set slashers mentioned at the beginning, or in My Bloody Valentine.

There is, however, one part of this film that truly stands out, and that’s Harold. His elaborate romantic gesture towards Susan is just truly inspiring. Seeing a man go through medical school and forge all that unnecessary paperwork just so he can gain the heart of his grade-school sweetheart… well, it was just really something. Hospital Massacre may be a terrible slasher, but I’ll always remember the way in which Harold’s gesture touched my heart, the most secret of all secret areas.

Hospital Massacre is available on Blu-ray and DVD.

NEXT: The Night A TRULY NUCLEAR FAMILY Came Home…

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KIWI MUSIC NEWS: IDOL PROFILE SERIES !

[+ 500, -15] Wow! Jiyeon is my favorite soloist in CEL ! [+ 243,  - 5] CEL is lucky to have her, aren’t they?! [+ 225,  - 9] I can’t wait to see more of them - fighting!!

PROFILE !

FACECLAIM: im jinah CHARACTER NAME: han jiyeon STAGE NAME: n/a CHARACTER AGE: 25 COMPANY: CEL POSITION: solo (taeyeon) TIME WITH COMPANY: 12 years STRENGTHS: Perhaps even moreso than any outright talent, Jiyeon’s greatest strength lies in her experience, preparation, and ability to lead - her own career or others. Though her previous group has disbanded in dramatic fashion, there is very little that either CEL or her own internal coachings have not readied her for after over a decade of training. Calm, collected, eloquent, and dogged, when it comes to anything from choreography to accepting awards, Jiyeon never falters. Though Jiyeon’s voice should not be discounted, and is a genuine gem: originally scouted for the impressive nature of it as a young teenager, she has a talent that has always left every hard-nosed critic and teacher wanting to bottle and sell it. But while her voice may appeal to the critic, it’s her looks that appeal to the public, and that’s what matters to CEL – that the masses want to break off and take home a piece of her. WEAKNESSES: Her commitment to hard work can hinge on compulsive and unrealistic; her expectations for herself are perpetually too high, and she’s made herself sick on more than one occasion pushing her body too hard. Particularly with the stigma surrounding mental illness and medication in the country, Jiyeon’s careful managing of her OCD and anxiety over the years has grown harder. While in her younger years her anxiety was minimal, the more her obsessive-compulsive disorder demands of her, the worse her anxiety becomes. Though she is earnestly still young, even her age is a weakness in the ever-youthful industry that is KPOP. She has entirely no skill in rapping, and will try to refuse even attempting it on variety shows for the sake of embarrassment. Her variety appearances themselves are moderate but nothing exceptional; high ratings will arise simply from her name attached to any particular show, but she struggles with becoming goofy enough for many audiences.

BIOGRAPHY !

This is how you begin, like a start to a fairytale that should never be told, the ones with knights that never arrive and princesses that sheath their own hair with the tooth of the dragon keeping them.

i. she could claim a birth of immaculate conception because for all that her father is not there, it’s imaginable that jiyeon’s birth came from her mother and something she dreamed up. maybe in that story she would be a girl born from a peony mid-winter, shaking white limbs unfurling like petals - in that tale, jina might have come out fully formed, dressed in  long raven hair, singing a sweet tune to welcome herself into the world. but in this one, the one we have now, she is as raw and young as the rest of the babes that take their first breath screaming.

ii. her mother loves her enough for two, and that’s good, because some nights they survived on love alone - she parceled out pieces of her heart when there was not enough food, serving it out  on a silver platter to her only daughter and wiping her mouth when she done. when jiyeon is old enough she offers her soul in return, breaking it in half and half and half to hand back, and in this way she is also holy. this is the body and the spirit, the bread and the wine.

iii. it’s not as bad as it might seem. their house is full of laughter and love and the magic that comes from one night onlys, but in this home every night is one night for someone, so this is what jiyeon is weaned on. her mother’s business is a success because she knows how to make a home, even if it means sharing her own: so here, the young girl meets honeymooners and old lovers and older souls, and like a ritual they turn to her mother every night, drunk on good food and warmth to say: what a beautiful girl. what a serious child.

and when she plays, they say nothing at all.

(they are too busy listening).

iv. it’s starts as much a duty as anything else: changing the sheets, putting new flowers on the table, bringing breakfast in bed to the new lovers with a late checkout – and then performance. her delicate frame on the bench in the morning and at night, fingers fluttering across black and white keys like they never learned how not to fly. her voice comes with it.

like so many other things, jiyeon’s mother had been the first one to teach it to her, cupping her tiny hands beneath hers as she held her child in her lap and played melodies. jiyeon loves it, and so she sacrifices. like every great queen, she bows her head and picks up the weight of a kingdom so that her kin can have more; lessons on tuesdays and thursdays, a shining black thing sitting in the living room by next christmas.

she loves it, it’s true; jiyeon does it for herself. but she also do it for her. because even while she is young, young lady is only a term of convenience.  she was always a lady first, young only by circumstance.

v. everything happens at once. that’s the way it is with genuine surprises, the swing of one act to the next, the gate of destiny’s door vaulting open and knocking over objects in the room with its sudden wind. he’s only another customer when he comes in the door, albeit he is fixed with a soju-eyed stare and half a suit (no more, no less) that could buy and sell the roof and walls around them. a funny man, unsure of where he is before he sleeps and unhappy with the location when he awakes – he grumbles into his coffee and wears his sunglasses inside, rubbing his temples as he makes phone calls at the breakfast table.

she plays for him, like any other day.

he breaks his glasses when she start to sing. they fall right off his nose, and jiyeon stops to pick them up. she says sorry as your fingers smudge the lenses.

he only smiles.

then makes another phone call.

vi. he’s a mouthful, that’s what han jiyeon learns. he’s got a too-important job at a too-big place with too-famous people, and shae can barely get her jaw around it all. but she does, because she has always been a sensible girl, and she’s got strong bones, teeth, stomach. he brings her into the center of the room with a hand on your shoulder, ready to exchange her for her weight in gold in front of a room of god-men hidden behind their desks.

they place her on the scales, pull of the veil and open her mouth -

        and rejoice when she tips the whole thing over.

v. but they deal in the glory, she is still left to the grit and gore. in the first year, she is younger than most of the lot, and they look for a reason to hate her. they whisper about favouritism - they see the man with the half-suit and broken glasses smile at the girl with ivory-etched features and take her high head and upright chin as a sign that she hasn’t been forced to work to the marrow with them.

when that is over, she grows too beautiful for her own good. it is not her fault; none of it is. but if jiyeon were to live this life over again luckier, she would do well not to be so lovely. perhaps then he never would have seen her. men come for the girl in packs, their tails hidden up their jackets and their fangs tucked away as they try to paw at her. no one tells her beware of men, no one hands out a red cape to get through the woods unharmed, and so this is a lesson she learns the hard way, heart-first. he is the king of the country and he reaches down to pluck jiyeon from the crowd like he is a god. she thinks he might be. at the same time, they start to call her royalty, and with this man pressing to her back, she think she might just be a princess. she is ready for it, but too young for him.

everything breaks apart at the same time.

vi. it takes almost half jiyeon’s life to finally have one.

she hides her mind away and swallows her pain in the name of perfection. it makes her ache from the inside out, and she is starting to twitch.

some men mistake her beauty as consumability, and they try to lick the salt off her neck without permission.

there is more of jiyeon in this building than anyone else: she has left more behind, shed more skin and sweat, turned these rooms into walls that spit out her dna. it’s a decade of uncertainty, hard work that feels like a snake eating its own tail.

she is still young when she makes the cut for the group of the generation, the collaboration of luck and talent that brings her to the forefront of a nation, but it doesn’t feel like it.

it’s a chemical madness, what arises, though like all things chemical the brewing takes time. a year of the average, and then the spectacular bursts across the sky: beautiful multicolour fireworks: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

it’s all flash, flash, flash, cameras rolling, people screaming. the charts are topped and then toppled over. the critics are harsh and the crowds are adoring. they’re legends, these girls. they remake the music scene, but by the law of the world it remakes them also. and after years, after a meteoric rise, it comes to pass that jiyeon is the star that’s meant to post itself the highest in the night sky.

her time comes.

vii. it’s the best fucking thing she’ll ever do.