#sorry i haven't been as active on here as of late i've been spending less time online which has been very good for me

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Okay now that I've reblogged that one post...

Holy shit

Like, please understand me. This is how I already interpreted these relationships after reading Journal 3 but like

Wow Ford really was in a weird kinda complicated gay situationship with Bill and Fiddleford, huh? When he's all alone on Christmas in tbob he's all like "Oh yeah haha of course...of course. You have. Yeah. You have a wife, F. How could I expect you not to leave. I am totally not secretly hoping you'll turn around and come back to me, or that you'll even bring your family back here if you have to so I can see you. I'd retreat to my dreams but I haven't seen my muse in weeks and I miss him so badly. I'm so alone"

He and Fiddleford aren't even dating but it's hard not to get the light impression that this situationship is such that Ford kinda treats Bill like his comfort triangle from his head and dreams and Fiddleford like his comfort best friend in his lab. Like he's sad on Christmas that his boyfriends left him alone, you know? Of course it's definitely more complicated than just that, but they are dear companions to him

Or when Bill finally comes back and Ford is pissed

"You return now? After all of that, after me missing you so badly, almost dying, wondering if I'd dreamed it all up. You return now like it was no biggie? Did you ever mean the things you said? Did you not find some other scientist or some other big brain to talk up? Have you found someone else? Another partner?"

And then Bill, dodging the question was like "Funny you think I'm cheating on you as if you haven't been spending all that time with F. The side bitch. The third wheel. You've even considered telling him everything, even though you know he has second thoughts. Heh. A little birdie told me he dreams of shutting down the project even."

Leading Ford to be like "Aw hell how could I accuse my muse of such a terrible thing when I haven't been a saint. He's right! F has been much less motivated lately and I've just gotten so paranoid from the isolation. I'm so sorry for my baseless accusations."

I don't even have a lot to say I just love these three. Fiddleford put up with a lot of shit from Ford while also dealing with his own problems and trying to help him regardless, while Stanford saw him as a comfort and a good friend but ultimately someone who was of lesser mind than he and couldn't see things through his eyes, while Bill was in Stanford's corner actively making him worse and contributing to his isolation (trying to get him to drop Fiddleford and actively feeding his paranoia), while Stanford was seeing both relationships of his with stars in his eyes and rose tinted glasses because he refused to do some introspection

There's so much stuff that journal 3 and tbob added to the equation that's just bad/shitty all around. Can't believe Ford went through a double divorce/breakup despite not having ever been married (or, at least, despite not even officially dating them sorta)

The entire situation in the past is just tragic and hilarious and concerning all at once and that's what I like the portal trio for tbh

[limeade-l3sbian]

Sorry, this is probably a heavy thing to put on, feel free to delete if this is too much for you to handle, I promise it won't upset me. I'm really considering suicide. I have a lot going on in my personal life and now that my eyes have been opened to how much the world hates women I find it difficult to cope. I truly don't know how to navigate the world knowing half the population wants to cut me up, use my reproductive organs, rape me, kill me, slather me in makeup, mutilate me, beat me, degrade and humiliate me just for being female. I can't trust or make friends anymore. I feel hopeless. Idk what I expect you to say, I just need to get this out and know that at least one person sees it and understands.

I don't know how helpful this will be, but I hope you know that I've been feeling the same way as well. It's part of why I haven't really been super active lately. I've been going through it as well, so I at the very least, hope you don't think you're alone.

This is a very shitty world and we are in this strange limbo right now of things either staying shit or getting shittier. And it's important to me that I don't give you advice that wouldn't personally help me. I think the best advice I can give you is this:

You're not going crazy. This hopelessness you feel is happening in record numbers. And your feelings about all this are completely valid. I hate that they're valid. I wish I could tell you, "But why do you think that's what's happening?" I wish i could be indignant and suggest that perhaps you were just looking too deeply into nothing. But you're not, and that's the biggest curse in being aware of the world around you.

I don't have the perfect answer for you. I wish I could write three paragraphs worth of inspiration and you hit me up two minutes later and tell me that after reading all that, now you want to conquer the world and nothing was going to stand in your way. I don't even have the perfect answer for myself.

I guess the best answer I can give you is that if you left, the world would just be a little more shittier. It would have just a little less sparkle to it that it is already sparse on. Someone's life (including mine, now that I know you exist), will dim in its quality if you were to do it. That hope that everyone grabs onto will lose just a little more grip without you. The world itself would shift in a way that isn't perceivably to you or me.

And that's not to say that you would be selfish to do it. An argument that I absolutely hate. But life would just go from 480p to 360p.

You should stay because what you are contemplating is going to come anyway. I have a post somewhere on here where i talk about how if you are suicidal, the best way to go about doing it is to live. Go out and live more than you ever have. That's when most people die. When they are out living and something out of their control happens. I would rather you die while ziplining with friends than crying and alone in a bathroom.

This sounds harsh, but I would rather all of this than give you some bullshit, "Oh, it's okay, sweetie. Have you talked to anyone? What about therapy? Did you do breathing exercises?"

You should go out and live, anon. And that doesn't even mean spend money. A full life isn't inevitable, but death is.

[2af-afterdark]

Oof, it's been a hot minute since I've sent you an ask... Sorry 'bout that and also for not sending you any New Year's wishes, irl stuff kept me pretty busy lately. I hope you had fun celebrating! <3

...Admittedly, part of the reason for my absence was that I've also been feeling unpleasantly drained by the Nightmare Pass missions, on top of everything else. I feel a little bad about pretty much coming here and complaining, but I'd like to hear your opinion since you have the Pass activated and I'm f2p, so I wonder how our experiences differ.

I feel like the rewards are.. lackluster, in all honesty. The yellow keys are nice, the frame is pretty... And that's about it. Aside from a small bonus of getting some gems after completing the daily missions, there's really not much to look forward to. It feels like there's far too much effort required and not enough rewards.

Not to mention the missions themselves. God, the missions. I hate the way they work with a passion. The fact that you need to log in daily is fine, the fact that you need to grind a bit is also fine... But then there's shit like "claim a likeability reward" which I'd love to do, except I only have one left over from Andrealphus and still half a Pass to get through. I remember you writing that it feels like being punished for unlocking content, and I completely agree. That's exactly how it feels. I am not going to waste all of my red keys in an attempt to get a new L-grade card since I have all S-grade devils maxed out already.

And speaking of wasting red keys! The "special draw" missions also leave a bit of a sour taste in my mouth. I remember making those single-pulls while sighing deeply because, well, it just doesn't feel like all of the resources I'm consuming are going to be compensated. I spend Solomon's tears, both types of keys, a lot of energy (in-game and irl) and most of the time I get... A few boxes of randomised jellies? That I can get extremely easily through other means? At least make them select-type like the ones in event shops, damn it!

Basically, I'm salty and kind of sad. I love the game dearly, but I think I'm going to give up on the Nightmare Pass. Once I hit a likeability reward mission that I cannot complete, I'm out. The frame is pretty, but getting one from an event shop is going to be way easier and less stress-inducing. I don't want to burn myself out (any more than I already did) by trying to complete it.

So sorry for such a long rant, I ended up getting a bit carried away... I'm really interested in how the effort/reward ratio feels like with a purchased Pass. I'm not really active in the fandom (I pretty much only follow you and the official acc, lol) so I haven't seen people speak about it yet. Hopefully, at least some people have a better time with that hell of an event.

— 💛

So, I used my premium pass from the pre-order rewards on the Nightmare Pass so I could study the way it works from a p2p perspective. I must say, the reward you get in p2p are much better. I received many yellow and red keys, Solomon's Tears, Puddings, Books, Coins, etc. I had unlimited auto-fights in the nightmare dungeon so I can grind coins for the shop easily. Over all, the amount of rewards you get may justify the $60 price tag IF you can afford it and you want the card at the end. Also, this assumes they do this within limited quantities. Like, I would say once every few months at most. Maybe very 2-3 months at most. Still sucks you can only get the card if you're willing to pay out the nose for the rewards. I did look at the f2p rewards and... yeah, not worth it. That is a lot of grinding for very little payoff. I was getting 2-4 reward every day because I was getting the rewards for every tier so it felt more worthwhile.

Also, yeah. I have been playing the game less since the Nightmare Pass started because I was afraid of locking myself out of future requirements for the missions. I had trouble with likability (something I usually max out within 2-3 days of getting a new unit), I was afraid to level up characters and their skills, I wasn't promoting anyone, I wasn't doing anything because I was so afraid I would screw myself by playing the game.

That's why I think Nightmare Pass kind of sucks the most. I felt like I was being punished for having played the game up until this point. Some missions were, as you said, fine. Any missions involving pleasing someone in the Secret Club were fine (not the unholy board because some of those I had maxed out already and it was pain to advance them more). Any missions where I had to fight were good. That I can always do. But missions that have finite end points are terrible (there is a max number of levels characters can have, a max amount of promotions I can do, only so far I can go on an unholy board, likability stops at 100%, characters can only evolve 5 times before they are maxed). Those missions suck because I can screw myself by actually having invested the time into the game before the Nightmare Pass is even out. It actually sucked to basically stop playing this game because I was afraid to play and screw myself out of getting Gabriel.

And the missions are kind of sucky too. Because each stage only unlocks after the previous one is completed, it's hard to know what is coming up and easy to screw yourself. Not everyone has 20ST available multiple times. Not everyone hoards their keys to do the multiple draws over and over again. And having 25 stages that can only be unlocked once daily rather than continuously (since the one mission on each day is to login) it means that if you miss a few days, you are screwed. You can pay to unlock the path with Nightmare Coins, but that assumes you have enough (and each reward gets more expensive as you go).

Overall, Nightmare Pass feels like the kind of event that is aimed toward people who dedicate time to the game to complete the rewards, but those same people can easily get screwed if they put in all that effort too early. The nightmare Pass isn't terrible, but it definitely needs some tweaking. It's the kind of event I would only continue in the future if I really want the card/haven't invested so much I screw myself. Honestly, it feels like the kind of event you finish and only debate purchasing the other rewards after you see how far you've managed to get to see if you can justify the expense.

Also, never feel like you can't rant to me. I rant all the time. Goodness knows I rant all the time... I don't do it because I hate the game. It's me trying to point out issues for others and because I want to see things changed for the better.

[piastrinorris]

okay i posted photos already but i wanna talk about the weekend so here is a summary: (this is a long post bc am on mobile i am so sorry)

1. FUCK showmasters. money-grabbing, delusional, godawful cunts. i'm glad he only had a 2-event contract with them, but i hope it doesn't put him off future UK cons

2. i got to tell him how much luke's character means to me, that he portrayed an autistic person very sensitively and properly which is tough to get right, that his range is phenomenal and i'm glad he's getting the love he deserves. i don't wanna be That Person and say he wanted to hug me but was ~forbidden~ to, but his arms definitely moved out before he looked at the staff member and then instead reached out to take my hand. he said "thank you, love, your words mean the world to me" and holy SHIT his hands are the SOFTEST THINGS IN THE WORLD!!!!!!! this was also day 1 so he was in the cardigan look and he looked So Ralph i couldn't keep it together lmao

3. when i tell you this man was a CONVEYOR BELT for photo ops. we all joked that you could have put a cardboard cutout in there and it would be exactly the same. same face in all of them and everything. he really seemed done with it all then

4. the panel was. well. about the same as any other. same questions as always were asked. same answers were given. i think bc music as a topic is so opinion based he's been actively deflecting questions about his personal music taste but my GOD did people push that anyway. poor man went into hysterics when someone said to say hi to wes, he was so done with the day. and oh my GOD he hates that panel host guy LMAO his face would be so sweet and gentle when he was talking to the fans and then that guy would open his mouth and jq's face would DROP it was so funny

5. i haven't even mentioned!!!! i made so many friends!!! mostly by wearing my djo hoodie everywhere lol. joe squared supremacy <3 but yeah. i've missed the con experience of just telling someone you like something about them and then spending an entire weekend attached to their hips lol

6. day 2 was SOOOO much calmer. i think bc it was announced super late and also he was only there for half a day. HE HAD A LIL SCRUFF OF BEARD 🥰🥰🥰 and he seemed so much happier. like actual "hello! so nice to see you! how have you been?!" like you see how he is at most cons. he wasn't like that yesterday lmao

7. going off that, when i said "oh you know, just pressing on" he frowned and said "well i hope it gets better!" i said "oh it's great! i've had a good weekend, i hope you have too!" and he went "its been... fucking... lovely!" but the "fucking" was said under his breath in a tone that's usually followed by "mental" or "a shitshow" but yeah. THEN HE WINKED AT ME!!!!!! and said "take care now, won't you?" that's the jq i'd been seeing in videos.

8. photos were much the same but i liked my second one better AND he rubbed my back, said "thank you so much for coming, get home safe!" AND HE WINKED AGAIN

9. day 2 panel was fuckin. EMPTY. i asked him a question about how he said in the wonderland interview that he'd love to pursue a music career, i was like "was that for real or were you just saying it to get to the next question" and he was like "i'm just so lazy, it takes a lot of work to be a musician and i'm not one now, but someday i might start a band" aw. also he is a VERY sarcastic man who i think people take way too seriously lol. also x2 his bitchface towards the host was even less subtle LMAO

10. we saw him leaving and the poor man had his cap on and his head down, he REALLY wanted to leave and i don't blame him in the slightest

11. FUCK. showmasters. they deliberately oversold jq and didn't honour refunds, autographs were either included in diamond passes or bought on the day for £75 IN CASH??? and one of my new friends was the only one left when they cut for time from photo ops, she asked if she could just get one, JOE SAID YES BUT THE STAFF SAID NO. we had one staff member talking to us DIRECTLY about what time jq was paid to stay until, said "but it would be nice if he chooses to stay longer" and then started talking about how last year's summer event was so unfairly criticised?? and was like "even joe said he wasn't stressed" ofc he isn't gonna talk shit about a company he was still legally under contract for??? and one tried to tell us not to sit on the floor, 30ft away from the first aid room door, bc there was NO OTHER SEATING, saying that it's our own fault if we got mauled by a stretcher in an emergency. there was no emergency.

12. i have practically bankrupt myself at artist booths and i'm tempted to do it all again in liverpool in a few weeks lmfao

[cdmagic1408]

Happy October everybody! 🍂 👻

and....not to brag or anything but...happy birthday month to me too! 🎂 I know the “day” of birthday is not for another week from now but I feel like I’m already celebrating! 🥳

mostly cause I'm taking this opportunity for a fresh start...

September was...…something…to say the least lol... 🥴

I was obviously not feeling my best, much less enthusiastic or active for a good portion of it, and I needed to step back…but I am happy to report that I’m now feeling fantastic and re-energized again! 😃

As a matter of fact...

✨ My zest for Onward has returned! ✨

or at least I can feel it slowly coming back, I still have school and a busy life to contend with after all lol...and that probably won't come to a slow until mid-December tops... ❄️

but yeah after spending a good number of weeks exploring and re-exploring other media I enjoy...which I totally needed btw I feel like I touched upon some shows and movies that I really haven't touched upon since I began college and now I feel like I have a new perspective on those things too! 👑 🧚‍♀️ ...so doing that, I've been feeling a lot more relaxed and inspired again!

one glance at a screenshot of Ian and Barley on my Pinterest feed, followed by going through and saving more Onward pins, smiling while doing so, and then a trip to the 4K screencaps page, saving a couple more of those images, and realizing hey I should really make a GIF of this moment, I don't have one of it but it's just too good not to do!, so I make that, and then my mind says something like "oh you know what would be cool? if Ian and Barley did...(CDmagic confidential)," I write this down in my notes, and then another thought, "oh! idea! what if the brothers...(again, CDmagic confidential...lol sorry!)," I write that down too, and then some...

oh and this lasts about three hours last night btw... ⤴️ and it was fun!

but anyway, my point?

I'm back!!!

Along with plans to resume Fanart Friday again, I’ve also got lots of new ideas for other posts that I’m really looking forward to sharing with you all, one of which includes a very special surprise that I’ve been cooking up since late July…

...deets on that to come soon I hope... 👀

But yeah that’s it from me for now!

I'll try to post here as often as I can like I have before...but if not, well...that's okay too! 😊 what matters at the end of the day above all else is my own happiness and well-being and for a while it was telling me that I needed to step away...but now it's saying that I finally feel motivated to express myself and post content here again!

And I couldn't be more excited!

😄 🙌

[husbandograveyard]

Hi Hazel! It sounds like your ankles have been through a lot ;-; I hope they're feeling better.

Ooh looks like there's a lot of cards waiting for you. Sending you luck on getting all of them very early so you don't have to spend much on them!

Your year ahead seems very busy and hectic :O. Remember to take care of yourself and it's okay to say no to tasks sometimes! You're already doing very well and they can always find someone else to do things for them.

I shall patiently await the day you post your drawings 👀 no pressure though haha

I can't believe it's still so hot out, definitely waiting for sweater weather to hit. Suddenly thinking about sweater weather and Leona, has that been done before? I feel like it has 🤔

Wishing you a smooth year ahead! Drinks lots of water and take care! -berry anon

Hiya Berry,

Sorry that the reply is a little later again today, the first days of the school year are super duper hectic, and especially this year, I've had a lot of trouble already. It's slowly stabilizing though, so I hope to be able to be more active here very very soon. My ankles are suffering a little now that I am back to standing on my feet for most of the day, but if anything, it's a great way to get them stronger again.

I finally got to playing chapter 6 of twst -still not entirely done- and now i really really want to get the Idia dorm card, my love for him has grown loads, almost on par with our favorite Lion. Skipping birthdays and saving pulls, I am at 140 pulls now so the Halloween cards better be nice.

Still working up the courage on the art, haven't been drawing much lately, but had some OC thoughts and wanted to draw them, so maybe soon ish? I really don't know, can't promise anything. Hahah. Speaking off, do you have any Twisted wonderland OC's/yuusonas? Would love to hear about them UwU.

Sweater weather Leona, ohhhh that seems like something cozy. I love the idea of cozyness with him, adding it to the neverending list of blurbs and ideas lmao. Although with Leona i always imagine Savanaclaw and Sunset Savannah, with not a lot of cold days hehe.

It is FINALLY cooling down and I am so happy. I am very good with cold weather so I can still wear my dresses and tshirts, but without actively dying 10/10 recommend. I can almost get back underneath my weighted blanket at night, which will make me less tired and more productive hopefully.

Sending you loads of love!

[dh-tan]

I marathoned Integrated Strategies like an insane person last weekend.

[littlefireofhestia]

hi! i'm sage and i was going through the "hestia devotee" tag and found a post of yours that said you were open for questions about her. i don't know how old that post is or if you're still taking questions, you can ignore this if you're not, but since i'm here i wanted to talk/ask about something.

i'm a baby witch (like the babiest of babies, almost a new born) and most of my experience is through reading and watching since i don't currently have time or resources to do any practice other than lighting incenses or candles or working with crystals. and i definitely don't know any form of divination, like tarot or pendulum, that would allow me to do actual deity work and properly communicate with them.

the thing is, i've researched deities from multiple pantheons multiple times, mostly out of curiosity, but the moment i came across a prayer to hestia my heart skipped a beat and i immediately felt a kind of comfort. it could have been nothing, but i still researched all i could about her and just. i've never felt this drawn to a deity before, much less felt a pull to actually worship one. but i feel very much that way about her.

i looked up ways to honour her and i'm genuinely shocked at how happy it's been making me. i'm finding joy in domestic activities i used to loathe, like washing the dishes or helping with house cleaning. i tried baking a cake all by myself for the first time and lit an orange candle for her while doing it. it turned out absolutely delicious, i discovered i actually really enjoy baking and even started my own cook notebook with some of my grandma's old recipes. i make a point to always tie my hair back when i'm doing something that makes me think of her or in her honour, like making tea or baking or making dinner for my family or cleaning, because i saw people talking about how she appreciates veiling but i don't know how to do it so i just tie my hair in a bun instead of putting on a scarf. and i used to hate tying my hair, but now i feel very good about it!

i've always struggled with feeling connected to religion and never really understood how that could bring peace to someone, but i haven't felt this grounded or loving towards my family and pets or in peace with myself as much as i have since i started doing things as acts of devotion to hestia.

now, on to the actual problem: i'm scared it's all in my head. i'm worried i'm not enough of a witch to worship a deity yet, since i'm still trying to learn ways of communication and can't directly ask her if she's with me. i'm scared that the little things i'm doing aren't enough and the comfort and faith i feel while doing them are my imagination and not actually her watching over me and appreciating my effort.

anyways, i'm really sorry for dumping these worries on you but i didn't see many hestia related blogs and i really needed to ask someone about this. is what i'm doing enough of a worship right now? do you have any tips on how to worship her better? thank you!

Hi Sage! I don’t know when you sent this ask so I’m sorry if it’s been a while since you sent it and my response is late. When I read this ask for the first time I nearly cried tears of joy. Before anything I do want to say that you’re doing amazing sweetie!

I’m always open to questions about Hestia.

First off, there is no prerequisite to worshipping deities. I am admittedly not a witch and worship the gods exclusively for religious reasons and not for witchcraft. I have not learned many divination methods yet (although I have used the very handy Greek Alphabet Oracle a few times) and my rituals are still relatively basic, mostly not even occurring on an altar. But I have felt Hestia. I have been in her presence. I have received dreams from other deities and signs. None of this is required to happen to believe in or worship the theoi, but I just want to assure you that beyond doing some research to figure out who you want to pray to and how to do prayer and ritual, there are no prerequisites to worship. My first prayer to Hestia was literally me throwing a scarf over my head and talking to her in the dark with a flashlight to represent a flame. No formal structure. Didn’t even know how to correctly hold my hands yet. And still she accepted me.

The vibe you get from Hestia is very much similar to my experience. I’ve been drawn to her for YEARS but didn’t know I could worship her. But she’s always felt like home and comfort and just right for me. I never ever had a reason why she was my favorite deity before becoming pagan. She just was. My connection to Hestia has been a fact for over a decade that I just didn’t know was religious until a year and a half ago. Me wondering if I could worship her is the reason why I started researching Hellenic Polytheism in the first place. She brought me to this faith and I am so thankful to her for that.

You finding joy in domestic activities you used to hate is something I’ve discovered through Hestia too, although it’s still a journey I’m early on due to depression and physical disability and having a lot of work to do on figuring out how to make things accessible for me. I’m excited to go further for and with Hestia.

I understand the thought about it being all in your head. I had those thoughts early in my practice too. Basically, belief is a process. It takes time to switch from whatever religious thought (or lack thereof) that you grew up with to polytheism and worshipping a variety of deities or even just one deity, and from there to truly believing in them. I’ve been practicing for a year and a half and it probably took me at least nine months to truly feel secure in my faith in the theoi. Research, pray, do ritual, devote acts to the gods, think about the gods, notice the influence of the theoi in your daily life, and gradually that belief will solidify. You may or may not receive signs, which may or may not speed this process up. I promise, if you want to believe in the gods, in Hestia, it just takes time.

Also on feeling that you aren’t doing enough, the video at the bottom of this post (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odhRRYqQo8Y) might help. And I promise: you are doing enough, you are enough, just as you are.

Now as for worship tips. You are honestly doing great so far. Thinking of her while doing household chores and tasks or dedicating those tasks for her is a great way to worship her. I’d also recommend checking out her Homeric and Orphic hymns, one translation of which can be found here, and a copy of the Homeric hymns can likely be found at a local bookstore or definitely through online ordering. The Homeric hymns can also start to teach you some stuff about prayer structure, but prayer doesn’t have to be formal. Sometimes I just sit and talk to Hestia, or to any of my other deities. Tell them about my day, thank them for things in my life or the world, and sometimes asking them for things (although I find that I ask for aid much more rarely than when I prayed as the Catholic I was raised to be). I also have perpetually in progress playlists I have made for my deities, and if I want to spend some non-ritual time just focusing on a deity I’ll put on their playlist and read something religious or talk in religious discords. I actually had my most profound spiritual experience with Hestia while doing this.

Last but not least, worshipping Hestia, or any other deity, is something you have your whole life ahead of you to do. Take it at your own pace. Faith is all about the journey. The destination is irrelevant. There is no deadline or leveling up system, no authority checking your progress. As I have experienced time and time again, the gods will very much meet you where you are. A few months ago I was in a deep depression and did not do any ritual for several months. When I finally did a ritual again, I felt Hestia’s warm hand on my shoulder, as if to say “I miss you, welcome home”. I promise, Hestia will always welcome you home.

P.S. I know this ask is anonymous but Sage, feel free to message me with any additional questions about Hestia or worshipping deities in general. I’m here if you need any more help.

[dreaminae]

We All Need The One Friend.

( Author's Note: My original intention was to write a less angsty version of Spelivia season 3, however with the hiatus things changed. In the next chapter, I jumped to episode 6. It will have the same basis as 'Teenage Love', but including my plotline changes. Anyhow, thanks for reading. Feel free to comment if you have any questions.)

Chapter 4

"You can't avoid that boy forever, Liv. Why not just call things off?" Kia asked curiously. "Even if you can't be with Spence, you should not drag out your dead-end relationship with Asher."

"It's not a dead-end relationship." Liv huffed from her end of the phone, before consuming a spoonful of her fruit cup. "We aren't connecting the same as we did before. That's all."

"Because you ditch his every attempt to spend time alone with you." Kia sassed. "Or do you not remember inviting me to the movies two nights ago as the third wheel on your date."

"What do you want me to do, Ke?" Liv scoffed repeatedly. Her hand slid to the side of her bowl where her blue water bottle stood. The blue pigment concealed the colorless liquor that the bottle contained daily. Sighing at the thought of what breaking up with Asher might lead to, Liv dragged the bottle off the countertop. Bringing the straw to her lips, she downed a small gulp of alcohol.

Her throat burned, but her anxiety lessened from the feeling of the booze numbing her insides. She could hear Kia calling her name repeatedly, but focused on her silent voice playing her head.

"It's not a pill. It's not a pill." She allowed the words to echo through her mind as she had multiple times over the last month and a half.

Breaking from her guilty conscience, Liv responded to Kia. "Sorry, bad signal."

"Girl, you need a new phone." Kia laughed, unaware of what took place in the last few moments on Liv's end of the line. "Anyway, just do what I said."

"I can't break up with Asher." Olivia rationalized. "If I do, I might mess things up between Spencer and Layla. He might get the wrong idea. Then Layla will want to know what's going on." Olivia predicted cautiously. "Nope. Things are better this way."

"Not for you." Kia scowled. "How long are you going to put Layla's happiness before your own."

"I'm not." Layla lied partly. "Layla makes Spencer happy. And if he is happy, then so am I."

The sound of the doorbell cut into the phone conversation.

"Hold on, Ke. Someone is knocking." Liv urged, strolling from the kitchen to the front door.

"Stall this conversation all you want. You and I both know who Spencer wants, and it isn't Layla." Kia snorted. "Not anymore."

"Layla!" Liv shouted, surprised to see the topic of her conversation standing at her front door. "What are you doing here?"

"It's Friday." Layla shrugged, walking into the Baker residence without another word. "We haven't spent much time together since school started. I thought we could hang out today." 

Olivia blinked in a flustered motion, confused by Layla's sudden presence. She'd made a mission out of avoiding the young producer. A close friendship wasn't in the market for the two of them in Olivia's personal opinion.

Every time she spoke to Layla, Olivia felt a ping of jealously over losing Spencer to her. It wasn't like last year either.

Watching Spencer kiss Layla that night in Vegas felt like a knife through the heart to Liv. Forced to see him with Layla every day was emotionally draining. But Liv knew she had no right to be upset.

Spencer told her how he felt, and Liv pushed him away. She ran away from him, sending him back to Layla on a silver platter. She should not resent them for what her actions caused, yet she did. And she hated herself too.

Olivia hated herself for pushing them away since summer ended. She hated herself for pushing them together. She hated herself for being too weak to go for what she wanted. She hated herself for turning to alcohol in times of stress, instead of being strong enough to face her problems. She hated that she let things get this far out of hand.

"Kia, I've gotta go." Liv bid her friend goodbye.

"Think about what I've been saying." Kia encouraged hopefully. "You should be happy too."

She hung up before Liv could argue that she was happy.

"Kia? Spencer's ex-girlfriend Kia?" Layla questioned curiously, wondering when the two girls became so close.

"Yeah, we hung out a lot over summer." Liv detailed vaguely, leaving Spencer out of the picture. "Mostly helping out with volunteer activities around Crenshaw. Plus, she's into that activist stuff that I cover for my podcast." Olivia added, barely scratching the surface with her friendship with Kia.

Truth is, Kia helped Liv a lot over the summer. They related through Liv's PTSD -- caused by the shooting -- because, growing up in Crenshaw, Kia had experience in dealing with the aftershock of shootings. Furthermore, she and Kia shared similar journalistic hobbies that opened Olivia's eyes to what she might want to do after high school. On top of that, Kia was the only person that Olivia confided in about her feelings for Spencer. Olivia trusted Kia, and with everything going on, Liv wasn't handing out trust varily easy these days.

"That's cool. We should all hang out together sometime." Layla spoke, breaking Olivia from her thoughts.

"Yeah, that sounds like fun." Liv shrugged, sensing that offer wouldn't remain on the table for very long. "Umm, so what are you doing here? Not that you can't drop by," Liv fumbled over her wording. "It's just, I thought you'd be busy at the studio."

"Coop and Spencer are in a weird state right now, and I don't want things to get awkward between Coop and me." Layla clarified to Liv.

"Right, so you're hiding out until things blow over?" Liv giggled, rounding the kitchen counter to grab her bottle from beside the area where Layla sat.

"Basically." Layla agreed. "Anyway, it's not like you're busy, right?"

"Asher wanted to have 'us weekend'," Liv answered as an excuse to keep Layla from coming up with any plans. "We haven't had much alone time since he came back."

"Alone time sounds nice." Layla agreed once more, in a similar position with Spencer. Other than their occasional late-night sleepovers, Layla couldn't remember the last time she and Spencer spent time by themselves.

"Yeah, I guess." Olivia sighed, knowing she was the cause of the lack of connection in her relationship.

At the thought of relationships, she couldn't help, but to ask her next question. "What about Spencer?"

Concern for Spencer was second nature to Liv at this point. But Olivia also wondered why Layla was at her house if she desired alone time with Spencer. Surely, Spencer was in the need of comfort if he was fighting with his closest, childhood friend.

Layla couldn't help but to fall quiet for a second in reaction to Olivia's constant concern for Spencer. Liv barely acknowledged her problems with Asher, yet found Spencer's problems of complete interest.

"He went to his family cabin for the weekend." Layla finally allowed herself to respond. "He's going to clear out the last of the boxes, and to clear his head, I suppose," Layla added, unable to give Olivia a full report.

After all, Spencer failed to give Layla a full description of the thoughts rumbling inside his mind. "I offered to go with him, but he insisted that he wanted to be alone, so..." Layla dragged out, unsure what to do.

Liv rolled her eyes at the mention that Spencer insisted upon being alone. He is always prepared to help others, but never asks for help when he needs it. He and Liv were alike in that way. Which was fine, because they had one another to hello out when they were too stupid to ask for it.

"This is the first time Spencer is going to the cabin since his dad died," Olivia stated matter of factly. "He shouldn't be there alone."

Layla cleared her throat, reading into Liv's firm tone. It was evident that despite Layla's position as Spencer's girlfriend, Olivia felt that she comprehended what Spencer needed better than Layla did.

[alj4890]

Misfortune's Intentions

(Liam x OC*Elisse Millan) (Drake x Riley)

A/N A couple more months have gone by. Liam and Elisse have attended many of the same events in Cordonia, gradually getting closer to one another. In this chapter, they begin the necessary steps toward a more personal relationship. Liam also has an honest conversation to the two that he once trusted the most.

@gkittylove99​ @krsnlove​ @kingliam2019​ @texaskitten30​ @hopefulmoonobject​ @yourmajesty09​ @mom2000aggie​ @ofpixelsandscribbles​

Masterlist

Chapter 3 Heart’s Honesty

The Royal Palace, Cordonia...

Liam looked up when he heard the murmur of feminine voices passing by on their way to the solarium.

Creeping towards the cracked door, he peeped out to see who it was.

He caught just a glimpse of Olivia, Riley, and Madeleine turning toward the right.

Curious yet not wishing to get caught up in conversation with any of them, he settled back in his chair and continued to review a trade proposal Elisse had given him from Amalas.

Monterisso's queen was not going to wait around on Riley's baby in making inroads toward a strong, beneficial relationship between their two countries. Since the pregnancy had been announced a couple of months back, Liam and his close knit group of friends had spent numerous events speaking to pushy foreign monarchs.

The only bright side to meeting so often, were the moments he had with Elisse. They were few and far between and much too short to satisfy him. A dance shared, a few words spoken here and there, possibly a shared smile over a private joke. All ended up making her the first person he searched for when entering into a room.

"Would you like me to bring a tray in here, your majesty or would you prefer having lunch in the dining room?"

Liam looked up at one of the footmen. "A tray, please." He called the man back. "Is there some gathering this afternoon?"

"The Queen Mother is hosting some ladies for tea in the solarium." The footman replied.

"Ah." Liam tried to focus. "Do you know who she invited?"

"I know some, sir."

Liam cocked an eyebrow, trying not to be impatient.

"Duchess Riley is the honored guest." The footman began to go through the usual name of Cordonian ladies. "Queen Isabella and Queen Amalas have also arrived."

Liam grit his teeth at not hearing what he wanted to most. "Did Queen Amalas bring another lady with her, by chance?"

"I'm not sure, sir. Should I go inquire?"

"No." Liam muttered. "Just bring my lunch in here, please."

"At once, sir." He bowed and left the king alone.

"There you are."

Liam nearly cursed. "Drake. Join me, won't you?"

"Thanks." He sat down on the couch across from him. "Haven't seen much of you recently."

Liam held up the documents he was reading. "Kingdom business."

"Ah." Drake drummed his fingers on his pants.

Liam tried to tune him out.

"Riley's having a tea party with Regina and a few others."

"So I've heard."

"Did you know the Spy Queen has returned?"

"Yes." Liam responded. "So did Auvernal's queen."

Drake ran a hand through his hair. "So, uh, have you gotten anything out of the spy that has taken up residence nearby?"

Liam lowered the documents. "Spy? What are you talking about?"

"Your investigation with Queen Amalas’s cousin." Drake narrowed his eyes. "That is why you are spending so much time with her isn't it?"

"Lady Elisse is more of a messenger between me and Amalas." Liam bit out.

"I've never seen you make sure to share most of your dances with messengers before, much less spend anymore time than you have to."

"I am doing exactly what I promised." Liam informed him. "I am taking time to get to know her. All these new events have limited my chances to be alone with her."

"Alone with her?" Drake leaned forward. "Why are you wanting to be alone with her?"

At this moment, Liam did not want to admit to Drake that he believed he was ready to try and fall in love again. He had yet to actually have a real date with Elisse, much less kiss her. He also wasn't certain her own feelings about taking that next step.

She seems to like me, he thought. Is it more than a friend? Or am I simply fooling myself like I did with Riley?

"Li?" Drake waved a hand. "Still with me?"

Liam closed his eyes. "Yes, sorry." He cleared his throat. "If I am alone with her, then she will be more inclined to talk about things she would never feel comfortable doing at a crowded gathering."

Drake slowly nodded. "That's true. Sounds like a good plan."

A plan to test her and see if she feels as I do, Liam thought.

"Are you going to try and get her alone after the queen's tea?"

Liam's eyes widened. "Elisse is here?"

"Well, yeah." Drake tilted his head slightly. "Liam, you sure there isn't anything wr--"

"Positive." Liam excused himself. "I need to put these papers in the study. Feel free to call down to the kitchen for an extra tray for lunch."

***************

The Solarium, Royal Palace, Cordonia...

What would I do without all these pastries?

Elisse gratefully took another bite of a strawberry tart. If her mouth was full then she wouldn't be pressured to talk.

Which was a good thing considering how she felt about Lady Riley Walker.

It nearly turned her stomach at how everyone was complimenting the waitress turned duchess. There was only so much bowing and scraping for attention Elisse could stand.

Especially to someone who had hurt Liam so horribly.

It didn't take a mind reader to realize that the reason Cordonia's king was not actively courting or planning on having little princes and princesses of his own was sitting across from her, gushing about what kind of father Drake would be.

"He has already promised to take all the late night diaper changes." Riley giggled.

Elisse didn't bother to hide her eye roll, earning a slight kick from her cousin.

Amalas sent her the look that somehow conveyed the reminder that they were trying to gain favor with the woman carrying the royal heir so stop making faces at every little thing she says.

Feeling somewhat chastised for possibly letting her cousin down, Elisse averted her gaze and poured herself another cup of tea.

How much longer are we going to have to sit here?

"Bradshaw would have fainted dead away if I remotely asked him to change one of the twins diapers." Isabella's brittle smile formed with the mention of her husband and children.

Elisse's eyes narrowed somewhat as she studied Auvernal's queen. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but there was something not quite right. She cut her eyes to Amalas, wondering if she too was seeing this.

Her cousin tucked a lock of her own hair behind her right ear and gently tugged on the earlobe.

Elisse returned her attention to the conversations, satisfied with that secret signal that Amalas not only saw it but was planning on investigating it further.

"What about you?" Riley asked.

Elisse glanced up and realized that all eyes were on her.

"I'm sorry." She stammered. "Did you ask me something?"

"Can you picture your husband changing diapers?" Riley prodded.

"I'm not married." Elisse forced a pleasant smile. "It's difficult enough imagining him doing so when I don't even know what he looks like."

"Oh!" Riley glared over at Madeleine. "I'm sorry. I was told you were married."

Madeleine chuckled softly. "Perhaps if you read the reports I give you, you wouldn't make a mistake like that."

Riley ignored her and focused once more on Elisse. She was determined to find out more about this woman who seemed to always find a way to be near Liam.

"Enough baby talk." She decided. "Let's talk romance."

"Zeke is taking me to Switzerland next week." Penelope shyly said. "A trip for just the two of us."

Kiara laughed. "He is so excited about it. It is all he talks of whenever one of us asks him something." She smiled at Penelope's blush. "Très romantique, non?"

"Very." Hana sighed. "You two are so sweet together."

"Anyone else have that special someone?" Riley asked. "Or needs a little help from Cupid to get them to act right?"

Olivia shook her head. "By Cupid, you mean you."

"I do." The duchess replied. "I know all about stubborn men trying their hardest to keep from being with the perfect person for them."

Elisse sat up a little straighter. "Is that how you and his grace got together?" She did her best to make her question sound like polite curiosity. "Did you have to convince him to be with you?"

Amalas stilled. She had been the one to tell Elisse all of what happened during Liam and Madeleine's engagement tour.

Riley had a dreamy expression on her face. "Drake Walker put up quite the fight. It took all my I had to get him to be with me."

"When did you realize he was worth it?" Elisse asked while turning in her chair so that Amalas couldn't kick her again. "Most would have focused on someone who seemed interested."

Olivia snorted in agreement. "I will never understand how you could choose Walker over Liam."

Riley's smile turned tender. "What can I say? He was a complete marshmallow whenever we were alone. I saw past his snark and knew he had to be mine."

"I think it's terribly romantic." Hana added. "He has shown over and over that you are the most important person in his life."

While Hana and Riley went through the list of things that made Drake perfect, Elisse tbought of Liam's actions in each scenario.

"He took a bullet for her." Hana explained to the visitors.

"I will begrudgingly give him credit for that." Olivia grumbled. "That and for helping take Anton down."

Elisse mentally countered that with Liam coming and facing Anton and his minions alone to rescue the couple.

"He sounds like he will be a protective father." Amalas interjected before they continued to extol his virtues. "One that knows the value of family."

Issabella narrowed her eyes at her. "I agree. Which is why I would love to have him as father-in-law to one of my," she took a gulp of tea, "darling twins."

While the two queens tried to sway Riley toward choosing their children, Liam stepped into the sunroom.

Regina looked up and smiled. "Liam dear, would you care to join us for a cup of tea?"

He shook his head. "Thank you, but I came in here for something else." His charming smile flashed to the ladies. "I do hate to interrupt, but I need to speak to Lady Elisse a moment."

She set her teacup down. "Yes, of course, your majesty."

When Liam noticed the curious looks, he explained that he needed her to clarify one of the requests in the document she had given him.

"Perhaps you need Queen Amalas too." Isabella smirked. "Since she is Monterisso's ruler. Plus, I'm certian Duchess Riley would enjoy hearing something other than Prince Josip's darling ways."

Amalas kept her cool and did not rise to the bait. "I would be more than happy to." She winked at her cousin. "But Elisse was such a help to me as I drafted it that she knows it as well as I do."

"We will only be a moment." Liam promised, setting Elisse's hand in the bend of his arm.

Riley, Olivia, and Hana all shared a knowing look.

Regina noticed their exchange and cleared her throat.

"Would anyone care for more tea?"

**************

Once they were out of earshot of the solarium, Elisse spoke up.

"What problem did you come across in the trade agreement?"

Liam's cheeks flushed. "Actually, I haven't seen any problem."

"Oh." She attempted to not let her imagination get away from her. "Then why did you take me away from the tea?"

Liam rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm not--that is--I" he chuckled softly while turning to face her. "I guess I simply wanted to see you."

Elisse doubted that anyone could be more adorable than Liam was in this moment.

She smiled and lowered her eyes. "Would it be too forward to say that I had hoped to causally bump into you while here for the tea party?"

"Definitely. Much too forward." He responded in a serious tone.

Her head jerked up and she saw the humor in his eyes.

She playfully pushed him away. "That certainly cured me of ever doing so again."

He laughed out loud, took her hand, and pulled her along with him.

"Where are we going?" She asked.

"To my study to look over the documents."

"But I thought you said there wasn't a problem."

Liam opened the door for her. "There isn't. But one must have their alibis in order, m'lady."

"What am I to do with you?" She teased once he shut the door.

Liam allowed his heated gaze to settle on her. Her question sparked his imagination. There were several things he would love for her to do with him.

"Is this where you spend most of your day?" She asked, exploring his bookshelves.

"For the most part."

Her eyes cut over to him. His casual stance as he leaned against the door was one she was noticing happened whenever they were near one another. His image he maintained to the rest of the world was one of proper, ram rod posture. There was rarely any softening or relaxed muscles.

Except with me, she thought.

Still highly curious and a touch nervous, Elisse sat down on a small couch.

"The Queen Mother told us about the ball you're hosting. How are the preparations going?"

Liam shrugged on his way to sit near her. "They must be going well. No one has come to me with any problems yet."

She turned towards him. "Is it for a special reason?"

You mean other than wanting a night where I can easily steal you away?

Liam kept that response to himself. "I suppose it is. Now that Lady Riley has gotten over most of the morning sickness, we can host a ball in honor of the royal heir."

Elisse was unable to control her facial expression. "I see."

Liam's eyebrows drew together. He had noticed that same irritated expression appear whenever the viscountess heard that particular name. "Elisse, do you not care for Riley?"

Her lips parted, ready to admit how she truly felt about the one that had hurt him, only to close shut. She knew she needed to be more diplomatic for Amalas’s sake.

She turned away from him and shook her head. "She seems pleasant."

Elisse was surprised she didn't choke on that word.

"Pleasant?" Liam's lips began to curve.

"Yes." She pointedly looked out the window, knowing he was amused at her answer.

If I look at him, it will all be over, she thought. She had to fight to keep her smile from appearing as he slid closer to her.

"You find Lady Riley pleasant?" He propped his elbow on the back of the couch and rested his head on his hand. "I don't think I have ever heard such a mild compliment toward her before."

Elisse was unable to resist and turned back toward him. He quirked an eyebrow in silent question when she simply stared at his face.

All she could think about was how generous he had been. Allowing Riley to live here to be near Drake. Giving her a title and a castle. Hosting their wedding. Standing as best man. Fighting to save their lives with little regard to his own safety. And now to naming their child as his heir.

Kindness barely scratchs the surface, she thought.

"Elisse?"

"Hmm?"

"What are you thinking so hard about?"

Without pausing to consider if she would end up embarrassed by her answer, she said exactly what was on her mind.

"You."

Liam didn't think any other answer could possibly top that one.

He slid his hand over hers. "I think of you often."

"You do?"

"No." He grinned at her frown. "It is more than often. You are rarely if ever far from my mind."

Her warm smile returned. "I suppose I am the same way."

Liam drummed up the courage to ask her out. "Elisse, would you--"

"Liam, I wanted to--" Riley's eyes widened at the pair on the couch. "Sorry. Drake told me he had seen you come in here. I didn't know you were still reviewing..."she noticed there wasn't one scrap of paper between them, "trade documents."

"We cleared that matter up quickly." Liam kept a hold on Elisse's hand. "Is there anything you need, Riley?"

"Yes, um, the ball. What exactly did you have planned?"

"Is there anything other than dancing, drinks, and food that Cordonians do at balls?" Elisse teased.

Liam chuckled. "Other than taking a moment to obsess over our apples, not really."

Riley narrowed her eyes. Their little jokes and touches were more serious than she thought.

"I wanted to come in and offer my help, if needed." She muttered.

"Thank you, but everything is under control."

Riley hesitated a moment. "Liam, Drake and I were hoping to speak with you," she glanced at Elisse, "privately."

Liam sighed softly. "I'll join you and Drake in the west drawing room in a moment."

"Okay." She couldn't think of a reason to stick around and see what was going to happen between him and the viscountess.

Once she shut the door, Elisse focused on Liam. "I suppose I should find Amalas."

"Not yet, please." He lowered his eyss to her hand in his. "Lady Elisse," he cleared his throat, "I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me one night."

"Of course. I know we should to discuss the terms--"

"Not for work." He quickly interrupted. "I'm asking you for a date."

Elisse wondered if he could hear her heart pounding. "I would love to."

Liam released the breath he had been holding. "Then I will call you this evening and we will discuss the details."

She stood up, suddenly more nervous than she had been. "I look forward to it."

Liam lifted her hand to his lips. "So do I."

***********

"Drake, they were definitely not talking about trade deals." Riley paced back and forth. "He was holding her hand!"

"Take it easy." He placed his hands on her shoulders. "You know stress isn't good for you and the baby."

"What if Liam starts insisting that we sign an arranged marriage between our baby and Queen Amalas's son?" She cradled her small belly. "What will we do then?"

"We'll fix this." Drake reassured her. "Aren't you the one to point out how we always find a way to defeat those that come at us?"

She slowly nodded.

"Then don't worry." He pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. "We got this, Brooks."

The couple looked up when Liam came into the room.

“You wished to speak to me.” He sat down in one of the chairs.

“Liam,” Drake began, “what were you speaking to Elisse about?”

“We were discussing dinner plans this week.”

"Dinner plans? You have a date with Elisse?" Riley asked.

"Yes." Liam didn't bother to hide his smile. "We've had dinner and lunches together numerous times, but..." His voice held a hint of the true happiness he felt. "It has always been work related. I thought it was time for us to be together for no other reason than because we want to."

"But she's the Spy queen's cousin!" Riley exclaimed.

Liam quirked an eyebrow at her. "I know who her family members are."

Riley motioned to Drake to say something.

He cleared his throat. "Li, you know we only want to see you happy." He shifted under Liam's piercing gaze. "But we don't know if we can trust Amalas or anyone associated with her."

"I know I can." Liam's tone held a warning to not push him on this. "Elisse has never brought up the subject of your child marrying Amalas's son."

"She is probably waiting until you get more comfortable around her." Riley grumbled. "Seems like something a secret agent would do. Seduce the target into agreeing--"

Liam's hand slammed down on the end table next to him, causing the couple to jump in surprise.

"That's enough!" He snapped. His kingly authority reverberated within the formal drawing room. "I won't hear another word against Elisse." His blue eyes sparked with fury. "What proof do you have?"

"None." Riley stepped back from his glare. "Liam, you're so trusting that anyone can take advantage of your kindness."

"Yes," his soft tone scared them even more than his shouting. "I can see where you would both think that, given that I trusted you."

"Liam, what are you talking about?" Riley asked.

"I'm talking about the fact that nearly three years ago I trusted you with my heart." His eyes went from one to the other. "I laid it at your feet, Riley, and asked Drake to guard you while I tried to help uncover this conspiracy against you." He folded his arms. "If anyone shouldn't be trusted in this kingdom at the moment, it would be the two who betrayed me in the worst possible way."

Tear slipped down Riley's cheeks. "Liam, I...I thought you understood." She swallowed. "You stood there as Drake's best man at our wedding. You named our child your heir."

"Just because I understood, forgave you, and accepted it; that does not necessarily mean that I have forgotten." He replied. “I still trust you, but I have become more cautious in doing so.”

"Liam," Drake's voice cracked with regret. "I'm sorry. I had no idea you still felt--"

"I don't." Liam interrupted. "I haven't for a while now." His stance relaxed with his next words. “Since meeting Elisse, I have realized that I am able to move on from the past.”

He thought of the excitement he felt just in anticipating seeing her again. That desire to touch her. Finally feel what her lips against his. Seeing her smile. Holding her close.

He focused again on two people he still considered his best friends. "Regardless of what her cousin does, Elisse is innocent. She is the woman I intend on knowing on a personal level. You either support me in that and treat her with every bit of friendship and courtesy she deserves or you can return to Valtoria until you are able to do so."

With that, Liam left the couple with jaws dropped.

**************

Pier at Cordonia’s Capital a few nights later...

"Elisse?" Liam called out when he finally reached The Semblance sailboat.

She popped up from the galley. "Liam?"

His smile formed when she came over.

She climbed up the side, held onto the various ropes, and leaned forward. "Ready to come aboard?"

"You know, I'm not exactly fond of boats." He admitted. "One too many bad experiences."

Her smile turned tender. "I know. That's why we aren't going sailing." She tilted her head to where she had a table set. "I just wanted a spot where I could have you to myself."

Liam grabbed the same ropes and pulled himself until he was face to face with her. His lips curved at her slight intake of breath. "I could be on board with that."

She rolled her eyes playfully while groaning. Gripping his blazer she tugged him onto the boat. "Only you are cute enough to get away with that awful pun."

"I try." He teased.

She slipped her arm around him. "I hope you like what I prepared." Her eyes darted around as if she was worried someone would overhear. "Felix has been trying his hardest to teach me how to cook."

"Elisse, you shouldn't have gone to so much trouble." Liam tucked her long dark hair over her shoulder. "Just having a moment with you away from court and our duties is enough for me."

"Liam," she slid her arms up his chest, "I have a confession."

He placed his hands on her waist. "Oh?"

"Years ago, Amalas began a file on you." Her eyes darted to his lips before lifting once more to his crystal clear blue eyes. "And I read it."

Liam grimaced. "It sounds like you're about to say something I'm not going to like."

Her tender smile caused him to pause in pulling away.

"On the contrary," she stepped closer to him, "everything I read, I liked." Her dark brown eyes held his. "That's why I hope you like everything I've done."

Unable to resist the temptation any longer, Liam captured her lips in a heated kiss.

Her fingers tangled in his hair as he continued the sweet exchange.

Their eyes met as they began to part, only for them both to rush forward in a more passionate kiss.

"Liam." She said in a breathless voice when his lips brushed her cheek. "I've been waiting on you to do that for months now."

He chuckled, cuddling her close. "You have no idea how often I wanted to shove everything off my desk and yank you on it."

Her eyes twinkled. "I might have had similar thoughts."

He thought his face was in danger of being set in a permanent goofy grin.

A breeze brought their attention back to the carefully set table.

"I don't want to let your dinner go to waste." He murmured, kissing her neck.

"It probably tasted horrible anyway." She smiled at hearing his laughter. "I would like to get a second date out of this. My dinner might have sent you running as far away from me as you can."

"It wouldn't." He pressed his forehead against hers. "I have no intention of running away from you, Elisse."

Her smile took his breath away. With a slight joyful squeal, she kissed him once more.

"Would you like to lay here and watch the stars appear?" She motioned toward another section of the boat she had piled with an air mattress, blankets, and pillows. A bucket with chilled champagne was on hand with two glasses.

"Love to." He let her go, watching as she retrieved some strawberries and set them nearby their pallet.

He popped the champagne and filled their glasses.

"What should we toast to?" He asked.

"To the longest waited first date ever." She tapped her glass against his. "And how happy I am to finally be here with you."

Liam held her gaze as he downed his glass. He set it to the side and pulled her back in his arms. "Nowhere near as happy as I am."

****************

A few ships over, Olivia lowered her binoculars. 

“The date seems to be going well.” She whispered.

“Do you think she can be trusted?” Hana asked. 

“There’s only one way to know for sure.” Olivia passed the binoculars to her accomplice. “We need to dig up all we can on the viscountess and queen from Monterisso as well as everything I can on Auvernal’s monarchs.”

“If Liam falls in love with her,” Hana took a deep breath, “it will hurt him horribly if we discover she is using him.”

“He’s already been through so much.” Olivia murmured. “I don’t want to be the one to deliver news like that to him.”

“But we promised Riley we would investigate Elisse.” Hana shifted. “Do you think she is wrong about suspecting her?”

“I--” For the first time, Olivia doubted they needed to spy on Elisse. “I honestly don’t know.” 

[orange-waterfalls]

Then Leave

Yancy x gender neutral!reader

@spycii ty for the prompt!

A/N: holy shit this took so long lol. I suck at writing angst unless it's with my own characters,,, this is so very bad I'm sorry,,, also Yancy has anger issues apparently. Rated T for some cursing. Angst(?) w/fluff at the end. I'm sorry I can't write straight angst it's too much for me.

Word Count: 2k

---

Yancy was elated when you decided to stay with him. He'd been pretty interested in you since you showed up, and didn't want you going and breaking out. When you told him you were staying, he was happier than he had any right to be. Yes! He got to spend more time with yous! That's amazing!

The first few weeks were great. You two loved talking and hanging out. Yancy could sense the others were a bit jealous of you, but he really didn't care much. You were all he really needed. After about two months, he noticed you distancing yourself. You were keeping a space between you and him when you hung out, and not talking as much. Half a year had passed and you just stopped. You stopped talking, stopped actively hanging out with him, stopped acknowledging him. He was disappointed, to say the least. The other inmates started to be around him more, but he didn't pay any attention to them. He thought of different ways to get you back. He convinced one of the cooks to bake you a cake for your birthday. You seemed to appreciate the effort and started talking to him again. You talked to him about how you missed your family, and Yancy tried to convince you to not care about it.

"C'mon, yous has a new family! We're your family!" He consoled. "Yous needs to leave the past in the past." You smiled at him appreciatively. He loved it when you smiled. So when you stopped smiling altogether, he got worried. He told you about his worries, and you told him you were fine. He didn't believe you. To sell the fact that you were fine, you forced yourself to smile more often. He'd tell you a joke to make you feel better, and you'd smile at him. But he could tell it wasn't a real smile. It was a smile to make him feel better.

It didn't, really.

But he pretended like it did so you didn't have to worry.

You two would always meet out in the yard at the same time every day, but one day, you hadn't shown up. Yancy waited in you guys' spot for half an hour before thinking to look somewhere else. He started to go back inside when Bambam stopped him.

"Hi, Yancy!" He greeted happily. "How've you been?" Yancy smiled at him, slightly aggravated, not wanting to show it.

"Hey, Bambam. I've been alright," he answered. Bambam looked around.

"So, where's the new family member?" he asked. The fact that Bambam was stopping him from finding exactly who he was talking about angered Yancy. He knew you wouldn't want him to snap at his family, so he kept it to himself.

"That's what I was hoping to find out. They's been… upset lately…" he explained. Bambam frowned.

"Oh. What do you think the problem is?" He asked worried.

"I'm not sure…" Yancy sighed, "they's… talked about missing their family…" Bambam scratched his neck.

"You know, Yancy, they seemed pretty attached to their family… maybe it'd be better for them if they left…" he suggested. Yancy clenched his fists.

"No, it wouldn't. They like it here. They don't want to leave," he growled. Bambam stepped back at his violent tone, and Yancy walked past him and into the prison.

He wandered the halls, looking for you. You weren't in any of the places you two hung out. Finally, he checked your cell, where you've said you don't like going. You were there on the bed, curled up on your side in a fetal position. He sighed in relief and opened the door. You flinched as you heard the door creak. He walks into the cell quietly.

"There yous is! I was starting to get worried you'd taken parole." He joked. You didn't respond or even acknowledge he'd walked in. He stood there for a minute, not knowing what to do. Eventually he sighed.

"Ok, can yous just… tell me what's wrong? I've been worried about yous and… I'm not sure what to do about it… tell me?" You don't respond. "Please?" You sighed.

"I miss Mark." You said bluntly. Yancy stood there, not really knowing how to respond.

"Mark? Didn't he… you know… die? Or did he just… take parole? There's really nothing I can-"

"I miss Mark, I miss my friends, I miss my family…" you said, voice wavering. Yancy knits his eyebrows, not understanding what you want.

"So? I don't know what you want to-"

"I want to leave, Yancy." You finally turned to look at him and he saw your red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. He frowned at you.

"Leave? But… you decided to stay!" He started to get angry. "Why would you want to leave?!" You stood up.

"Because I miss the people in my life Yancy!" You raised your voice at him.

"Then why did you stay?! Why haven't you broken out or taken parole or… or…" he was cut off by you.

"Because I'm in love with you, you fucking moron!" You yelled. He steps back at your accusing tone. In love… with him? That made him happy, but the tears flowing from your eyes destroyed that feeling and replaced it with guilt. "You love it here. You love your family. And I love you and I want you to be happy. So I stayed." You explain. "I had a family! I had people who loved me and now they don't even visit me! I am not happy! I haven't been happy in awhile! I want to leave!" Yancy stopped thinking clearly and blurted the first thing that came to mind.

"Then leave! Just fucking go, then!" He said, his voice venomous. You stare at him and compose yourself.

"Maybe I will."

And you did.

You broke out of the prison after two days. All the inmates were happy that you'd be with your people again, but they saw something was different with Yancy. He was more distant. More angry. He snapped at them a lot and made rude comments. Tiny decided that she was going to confront him about it. He had no right to do this to them. She was gonna march into his cell and give him a piece of her mind. That's what she'd do.

She walked into his cell and…

He was there. On his bed. Sobbing into his hands. She could see the tears seeping through his fingers.

And all her plans were flung out the window.

She tiptoed over and gently sat next to him. He flinched before turning away, wiping his face.

"What do you want?" He asked, attempting to sound tough. He just sounded sad. Tiny put a hand on his shoulder. He turned to her, looking at her hand weirdly. She sighed.

"What's the problem, Yancy?" She asked gently. He tried to glare at her, but his lip started quivering and he let out a sob, burying his face into his hands again. Tiny patted his back in an attempt to make him feel better.

"I miss them… I miss them so much…" he cried. Tiny frowned and furrowed her eyebrows.

"Yancy..." She began. She was going to try to convince him to get over you. But before she could, he just went on rambling on and on about everything he loved and missed about you. Your skin, your eyes, your smile…

She could tell this wasn't going away anytime soon.

"Yancy…" She sighed. "You need to make parole." Yancy looked up at her.

"W-What?"

"You need to be good. You need to not be seen as a threat anymore. You need to leave."

"But-"

"You love them. There's nothing you can do about that, except be with them."

"Tiny… I've done-"

"Yeah, yeah, bad things. You killed people. Yancy, I'll be honest, none of us really care about that. You're the only one. We think you deserve to be happy, and if being with them is how that's gonna happen, then so be it," She explained. Yancy was about to argue, but he thought about your face when he told you to leave, and he closed his mouth.

"Ok…"

He turned into the perfect prisoner. He did everything he was told, he didn't speak out of line, he worked as a cook in the cafeteria, he got rid of his shank. He eventually made parole. That was great, but he wasn't exactly sure where to go from there. How was he supposed to find you? He was on his way out when he saw the guy you came in with. What was his name… Mark? You had mentioned that you were roommates, so he figured this was his best chance. Yancy walked up to him and tapped his shoulder. He turned towards him, startled.

"Uh… hi? Can I help you?" He asked.

"Where do you live?"

"Pardon?"

"Sorry… I'm Yancy. I want to find your friend and… I figure… you would know where they live… since you live together…" he explained awkwardly. Mark stared at him for a moment.

"Why do you want to find them?" He asked, suspicious. Yancy blushed a bit and scratched his neck. Mark rolled his eyes before taking a piece of paper and writing an address on it. He handed Yancy the piece of paper.

"Knock when you get there." He explained. "You don't look like a serial killer… this may be a bad idea but… I suppose I can trust Y/N to take care of themselves. Besides, this year's already been weird as hell... I'm sure it'll be fine." Yancy nodded and thanked him. He asked his parole officer to take him to the address. On the ride there, he bounced his leg, anxious for what you'd say. Would you forgive him? Would you still be mad? Would you hate him? He'd deserve it…

"Here." The officer said as they parked near a house. Yancy nodded and got out of the car, approaching the house. He stopped at the door and raised his fist to knock. He stopped, suddenly realizing that he'd rather not have you tell him he wasn't worth a visit every three weeks. He slowly lowered his arm to his side and sighed. He turned back towards the cop car and-

click

"Yancy?"

creak

Yancy spun back around to look at the door, where you were standing. You looked… better than in the prison. Less tired. Less sad.

"Hey! How's it going?" He asked nervously. You weren't smiling, you weren't asking a bunch of questions about him, you didn't seem very interested in him or what he was doing there. That made him nervous. He shifted in his spot. You both were silent for a moment. You crossed your arms and took a breath.

"I thought… I thought you liked prison, Yance." He smiled at the nickname.

"Oh, uh… I…" he swallowed, his throat dry. "I-I like yous a little more than I do prison…" you stared at him. He shuffled his feet. You sighed.

"Yancy…"

"Ok, look. I know I messed up. I know. But I want to make it right, and I want to be with yous." You raised an eyebrow.

"Be with me… as in…?"

"Dating. Yes." He said quickly. You tap your arm.

"Yancy… I don't…" you start. He can feel his heart shattering already. "You're the one who told me to leave the past in the past… that's what I was doing with the prison." You explained.

"Well… maybe… since I'm in yous' present… I can be part of your future!"

"What?"

"I'm not sure…"

"Yancy…" you started. He looked at you hopefully. You sighed. "I'll… think about it."

"Oh… right, sure…"

"You have a place to stay, right?"

"Yeah! Yeah, I'm good."

"Ok, good."

"Yeah… well…bye" he turned back towards the police car and started walking. You stood at the doorway, watching him. You bit your lip before taking a breath.

"Yancy!" You called. He spun back towards you. You grin slightly. "Let's get coffee sometime." His eyes widened.

"O-Okay! Sure!" He agreed. You closed your door. He got back into the police car, smiling widely.

"So…" the officer started. Yancy turned to him.

"Hm?"

"That was the most Hallmark thing I've ever seen…"

"Shut up…"

"Seriously! That looked so cliche!"

"SHUT. UP."

"I thought I was about to hear some romantic violin,"

"Please just drive…"

GOD this SUCKS I'm so sorry

[ziracona]

Could you elaborate on that Gordon fan theory about him being an inside mole? I haven't heard of it before and it sounds intriguing. Plus ever since the small reference to him on the memorial in ILM, I've been wondering what your thoughts were on how he ended up

Oof, okay, buckle up. This will be the abridged version but that’s still gonna be long. (Don’t read if you want to avoid spoilers for the Saw franchise).

So, in Saw, Gordon is a fkn anomaly to most of the fanbase. Becuase he has a wildly solidified character. You watch Gordon & Adam both go through three different character arcs back to back, and trauma bond, and the second to last scene in Saw is this fkn devestating & beautiful one where—let me back up. So. Quick Saw summary. Two people wake up chained by the ankle to pipes in a small nasty abandoned bathroom with a corpse on the floor between them. They’re each left a tape recorder which tells them why they’ve been targeted (Gordon because he doesn’t value life enough which is evidenced by...? — real reason is he’s literally just the unfortunate Doctor who told John he had Cancer, and John Kramer is that petty of a stupid bitch. & Adam is grabbed becuase...Literally he didn’t even bump into John Kramer or something. The guy took him because he’s a starving early 20s kid who is a photographer, and John thinks his occupation & he are pathetic. I’m not joking. Or exaggerating. This is quite literally the given reason for torturing & killing Adam being fine to John). Anyway, Gordon’s wife and like 7 year old daughter have been kidnapped and are being held at gunpoint. Gordon is told that if he finds a way to murder Adam by six (poor Fkn Adam is 6 feet away & hears this whole tape) on the clock, they and he go free. Adam is told if he can stay alive until after six, he wins and can go free.

They spend then the remaineder of Saw trying, like you’d hope good, decent, or even medium or somewhat shitty people would, to help each other escape, rather than Gordon trying to kill Adam at all. They attempt to fake Adam’s death & fail bc they didn’t realize their shackles were wired & they could be zapped, which makes playing dead really hard. Initially they are frustrated by each other, especially Gordon, who is an adult & levelheaded, by Adam who is young and jouvenile and freaking out & being a pain at first, but they bond through attempting to escape & to figure out what’s happened to them, and also learn more truth about each other. Meanwhile you also get backstory on Jigsaw & the case, and follow Detective Tapp’s story through a few investigated murders, the loss of his partner, and to where he is following Gordon, whom he is convinced is Jigsaw, now. Back in the bathroom, Adam and Gordon reach 6 on the clock, and Gordon gets a phone call where the man holding his wife at gunpoint makes her tell him he failed his game & now she and their daughter have to die. His wife bites the man’s hand, and they fight, but all Gordon hears is screaming in his wife and child’s voices and gunshots, and he has a mental breakdown believing they’re being murdered on the other end of the phone. Then is electrocuted. Adam flips out and tries to throw small stones at Gordon’s body to wake him up, terrified he’s dead, and succeeds. Adam is overcome with relief, but Gordon has a full mental breakdown, almost having died and believing his family is dead, then swapping immediately to denial and convincing himself it’s not too late and he can still save them. Adam tries desperately to apologize and calm him down, then to in horror talk him into stopping while he watched Gordon begin to saw off his foot (Adam was given a saw for this purpose too, but his broke early on before they realized the saws were meant for their feet instead of the chains). Gordon does not stop, and Adam watches in horror as he cuts off his foot, crawls to the gun the dead body on the floor has been holding, and puts the one bullet he was given into it. He tells Adam while crying and breaking down that he’s sorry but he has to die he has to save his family. Adam begs him not to shoot, but he does.

Meanwhile, Bc he’s staking out Gordon’s home, Tapp hears shots, runs in, and is able to chase off the killer and save Gordon’s wife and daughter. He pursues the killer to the meat packing plan, where he is ambushed, struggles, and then is shot in the stomach and left for dead. The man, Zepp, makes it to the bathroom where Gordon tries to shoot him with the bow empty gun & screams at him for what he did to his family, who he still believes are dead, then breaks down crying again. Zepp takes out a gun and tells him he failed to kill Adam by 6, so he has to die. Gordon asks hopeless why, and he tells him those are the rules, then goes to shoot him while Gordon tries to shut his eyes and brace for death. Adam, who is not dead, grabs Zepp’s feet and drags him down in a surprise attack, rips the toilet bowl lid off the toilet, and beats him to death with it, saving Gordon, who watches in shock and then crawls over and puts a hand on his shoulder and gets him to stop beating the dead corpse. Adam is wounded & criying because gunshot wounds fkn hurt, & Gordon tries to comfort him. Tells him it’s just a flesh wound—it’s his shoulder—he’ll be okay. Just keep pressure on it. He has to go get help. Adam begs him not to leave him alone in the bathroom, but Gordon says he has to or he’s going to bleed to death (which is incredibly visually apparent). Adam tries to keep him, then watches him crawl and pleads for him to wait and asks if they’re going to be okay? Gordon tells him “I wouldn’t lie to you.” and gives him a reassuring smile while half dead and crawls out to look for help. Adam is left alone and searches Zepp’s corpse for keys to his shackle, then finds a tape exactly like his & Gordon’s. He plays it, and realizes to his horror this man Zepp was another victim, not Jigsaw. He was poisoned and told to kidnap Gordon’s family & shoot them both & Gordon if Gordon lost to earn an antidote, or just accept death and refuse to participate. While the tape plays, the corpse in the room with them stands up, and Adam realizes to overwhelming horror it has been alive the whole time, and it is Jigsaw, who wanted a front row seat to their torture, suffering, and death. He tries to grab Zepp’s gun & shooot him, but Jigsaw/John electrocutes him w a remote (the shackles are wired) and leaves, congratulating him on winning & telling him where his key is (it got flushed down a drain when Adam woke up, which John no doubt planned), then telling him “Game Over” and locking him alone in the bathroom because John’s a fake ass piece of shit who doesn’t even keep his promises & let the winners go.

The end scene between Adam and Gordon is phenomenal & heart wrenching (Saw is an amazing character piece of a film, & the first film is the reason it became a modern horror staple! Watch here if you’re curious! :’-]

While Gordon does eventually, under extreme duress, shoot Adam, he never wants to kill him, and they are definitely close by the end of the film (which is clear both from the way they treat each other, and their more decisive actions, like Adam risking his life to save Gordon after being shot by him & never seeking recompense for the gunshot, Gordon trying to help Adam & comfort him as well as get help for them both). This is the central relationship of Saw 1, and it’s really well done.

Then, in Saw 2, there’s just no mention of Gordon going back to save Adam. We wonder what happened, until Amanda & Danny stumble to the bathroom form Saw 1 & you are greeted by Adam’s decaying corpse still chained there. It’s later revealed that Gordon escaped the bathroom, cauterized his wound on a hot pipe because he knew he was going to die otherwise, then passed out from pain. John found him and took him to his workshop, where he nursed him back to health & gave him a prosthetic leg, before convincing him to join the team.

Understandably, this did not sit well with any of the Saw fandom. We fight about all kinds of stuff, but the one thing I’ve like, never seen disagreement on, is that it makes no fkn sense for Gordon to betray Adam like that after how close they were, and it makes even less sense he’d willingly join the man who super tried to murder his wife and kid. If it wasn’t for Tapp and Adam, Gordon, his wife, and his child would be dead now. John endangered all 3 intentionally, and did not save or spare any of them.

Still with me? So. Because of that, people started digging. Now, out of Jigsaw’s apprentices, Gordon is the only one who never takes a very active roll. He did not run games or kidnap people. Becuase he was a doctor, John called him in to do medical work for tests, such as sewing a key into the eye of the man from the cold open to Saw II. The only active work he takes is catching Hoffman at the end of Saw 3D & locking him in the basement, which John asked him to do if Hoffman killed Jill (which Hoffman does). This together with Gordon’s character led to a massive fan theory. Let me try to break it down.

After Saw 1, Gordon joins a support group for Jigsaw game survivors, and returns to his family. We get very little info about him period until Saw 3D though. However! Pre Saw 1, Jigsaw basically never lost, the cops never even got close. Suddenly after Saw 1, the entire gang falls apart, starting with Amanda and John, then finally Hoffman & Jill. In Saw 3, it’s revealed Amanda went back to the bathroom to kill Adam when he survived his test. She promises she’s there to help him when he wakes up scared and half dead in the dark, and then puts a plastic bag over his head and smothers him while he fights. This lead to a fan theory that Gordon went back to save Adam once he could (able to walk & not being shadowed by Jigsaw), but was too late, and decided to take revenge very carefully. However, Amanda has a shit track record of thinking she killed someone & not checking for a pulse (see Eric Matthews, who she thought she beat to death), so the even more popular theory is that Adam was not dead by the time Gordon got to him, and Gordon saved him and replaced his corpse with another. This theory is backed by the fact that Adam was shot in the shoulder, but when the body is seen in other films, it is both too decayed to be recognizable, and the gunshot wound is in the stomach (where Tapp was shot). Furthermore, when Amanda & Danny find Zepp and “Adam”’s bodies in Saw 2, Zepp, who was already partially bald, still has hair, yet Adam’s corpse is completely bald. The shackle is also on the wrong foot now, which would indicate it was removed and then replaced by someone in a hurry. Now, obviously it’s possible this was just a continuity error, but given that Saw usually has a good track record with continuity (and uses them a lot for big reveals), that gives more weight than usual to the theory.

So, this led to the idea that Gordon was able to either save Adam, or at least remove his body & bury it, replaced it with a fake (possibly Tapp? but considering the bodies wouldn’t be decayed enough for the skin to be missed if he did it when Adam was alive or in decent preserve even, and Tapp is considerably taller, I’d assume he, as a doctor, didn’t have too much trouble stealing a John Doe cadaver from the hospital) corpse in Adam’s clothes, then agreed to help Jigsaw becuase he was smart enough to know if he didn’t play along, John would kill him (he would, and has. He never lets people with dangerous information go). John also tends to have failsafes in place, like “if Gordon betrays me, kill his daughter” kind of stuff, so the theory is Gordon played along to keep his family safe, instead of going to the cops, since he knew at least Hoffman worked for Jigsaw already, and there might be more plants, and did his best to engineer the breakdown and eventual demises of the whole team from Saw 1 on. (Was the one who gave Hoffman the idea to threaten Amanda or the info to do it, intentionally failed to protect Jill from Hoffman to have an easy excuse to kill/see both dead, etc). Makes double sense if Adam was alive, becuase if Gordon revealed himself as mole, first thing Jigsaw & co would check is what else he messed with, and they knew he was close to Adam.

There’s a lot more details to it, but that’s the short version. Most people I know in the Saw fandom ascribe to it in a weird kind of “Look I know it’s probably just inconsistent character writing and in that case fuck Gordon he can go to hell, but since I truly don’t believe Saw 1 Lawrence Gordon would do this & there’s enough evidence for reasonable doubt, I choose to believe the convoluted theory that makes him make sense & also means Adam could maybe be alive” way. Including me. If Gordon really decides he has no issue with John after what he did to him, his baby girl, Adam, and his poor wife, joins him willingly & helps, then he’s as bad as Amanda & Hoffman & fuck that guy. But since the characterization doesn’t match /at all/ & there’s never an explanation given, & fan theory makes more sense, I tend to think of Gordon as if the fan theory is right? Although if you don’t & thus hate Gordon, 100% respect. I just cannot watch Saw 1 & believe Lawrence would join up for any reason but revenge & long con to keep family safe. I mean, he tried to kill a /friend/ to save his family. You’re really going to try to convince me the man who cut off his own foot by hand to try to save his wife and daughter would ever be cool with or forgive the man who tried to execute them for no reason? Uhhh, to quote Dr. Gordon himself,

I mean.

💁🏻‍♀️ You can’t convince me the man this hellbent on destroying the man who was threatening his family did not make him pay, and just decided to be pals. You can’t. It’s inconsistent writing. :’-] anyway, there’s other info too—one of the disguised figures who helps Lawrence take out Hoffman is the exact height Adam was, the plastic bag from Amanda is gone & the corpse in a different position, etc—been like 2 years so I don’t even remember it all, but it’s very fascinating. & that’s the short yet somehow still too long version of the Gordon theory I definitely did not proof read at all for which I apologize! It’s more convincing than I write it I swear I am just exhausted. :’-] But yeah, most saw fans ascribe to it, which is why we all seem to still like Gordon, and he’s so often shipped with Adam, both of which would probably otherwise seem massively confusing. Hope it helps!

(Oh! & in ILM, since i ascribe to that theory, I wrote him that way. Failed to save Adam, buried his body, then took slow, careful revenge on Jigsaw & co. to keep his family safe. Knows there are deaths he is not blameless for becuase of that, and is full of guilt over wondering if going to the police wouldn’t have saved people, even if he had understandable doubts & reasons for what he did. Is especially guilty for Adam’s death. Seeks to make reparations slowly his own way. [tho also soemtimes secretive characters lie to me until it becomes necessary for me to know, so it’s possible Gordon saved Adam & is hiding it, but given the whole gang is dead, I don’t know why he still would be, so I think ILM verse all he could do was bury the body]).

[kyunsies]

Hi mädch!!! I'm sending this after you said goodnight haha, but I'm glad you got to sleep early today :) you deserve a good night's rest!!!

I will definitely send you pictures of our plants soon so be on the look out for that 👀👀

About being a musician, I do have a degree in music and I studied for four and a half difficult terrible years to get it 🥲 but it was good, truthfully. It was difficult simply because college is hard. Listening to musical elements in mx or Mozart or soundtracks or t swift or literally any song isn't any harder or easier than another. Just different! Different layerings, sections, sounds, timbres, etc. It's very satisfying to be able to pick out sounds and point them out to my sister and maybe explain them a little bit! And I'll check out those shinee react video suggestions, I already know don't call me, so it'll be fun to watch that one!

I think it's really interesting that I've heard mx refer to All About Luv as a "US album" rather than an "English album". It might not mean anything, but more countries than just the US speak English, y'know? So it feels.. intentional? Anyway I will spare you from the extensive (and I mean super extensive) length of thoughts I'm having about their English songs vs Korean and just say a little bit skdjsh

From a musical stand point, Secrets (English song on a Korean album) is objectively just as or more simple than Middle of the Night (English song on the English album) or Sorry I'm Not Sorry (Korean song on a Korean album). Middle of the Night has lovely vocal harmonies and is very active rhythmically and has a lot of different textures. Secrets is just three chords, with a simple melody (a wonderful lovely simple melody), and a decent amount of clear layers with an acoustic feel with drums/guitar/bass/synths/sax/backing vocal ad libs, all of which are pretty active voices. Whereas Sorry I'm Not Sorry is so smooth and has such a chill vibe, with significantly less layers than Secrets (though just as clear) - it's just guitar and vocals at the beginning, and then some very simple drums and bass layer in, and a little bit of keys too (with some sweeet vocal harmonies in the second half that will melt my heart every time!!), but it's all very gentle. And then BEASTMODE (to stay on Fatal Love) has a much heavier feel (ALSO with some sweet harmonies in the opening "ohs" which are so so strong, and won't melt hearts in the same way the harmonies in Sorry I'm Not Sorry do), as well as stylistically different sections with a lot of different musical elements! Sorry I'm Not Sorry is just like.. one style the whole time, which they do beautifully!!! So like, there's already so much variety within albums, and within their entire discography! It makes being a monbebe so... rewarding and satisfying. Like, it feels like there's something here for everyone.

If you got through all that you deserve an award, it's a lot hsksjslsk I could go on and on and on about music, but I'll stop here for now haha. I'm considering doing a series of posts on my blog where I talk about music, but I'm a little nervous to go through with it 😅😅 my sister thinks it'd be awesome, but I'm not super confident to put myself out there like that hehe... we'll see...

Anyway long message!!!!!!!!!! I feel like I haven't told you lately, but talking to you is so so so nice 💖💖 I don't feel any pressure to say things or not say things, I can just.. chat freely! I feel so warm and loved when I read your replies 🥰🥰🥰 thank you for being such a wonderful sweet lovely amazing nice friendly superstar of a person 💖💖💖💖 dkbtho

HI PLS APOLOGIZE I TOOK SO LONG TO ANSWER THIS LKFDSJ but i'm finally getting to it, thank u for being patent with me <3 i've been getting good sleep ever since finishing those exams and getting back a good grade on that massive assignment yesterday so THANK U for checking in :)

about your education !!!! it just seems so hard ;____; like obviously when u are in a specific field for so long, the terminology makes sense bc you use it all the time (like how now one really knows what i'm talking about when i use medical terms lol) so i guess just from and outside perspective it looks hard !!! plus we were taught how to learn the basics of music reading in high school bc i was in choir for 1 semester and i was sooooo bad at it, it never really clicked for me ;_____; but i really look up to you for dedicating your livelihood for something you love !!! you seem to be very knowledgeable <3

and i know what you mean about them referring to all of their english stuff to 'US' stuff and i can understand how frustrating that might be bc there are many countries that speak english as well, not just the US ,,,,,,,,, to me it might just be bc their whole "english team" is from the US and everyone who works on their stuff is from the US, also i think the record label is from the US ? so maybe they're just so used to referring it that way bc those are the ppl they work with ya know? but i totally understand how isolating that must feel for a lot of other ppl, i can't really talk that much on it since i'm from the US myself lol but i totally get it and i think it's very valid if it irks some ppl !!!!

and ldskfjslkdjf i loved reading all of this <3 and i really agree with everything you say !!! and i'm glad u are able to pick apart the different styles for each song, for example i also think secrets is one of the more "simpler" songs on the album (not as simple as BEBE) but like, it works for me bc the sax has a nice improv at the end, and the song is pretty synth-y(?) which are elements that i like to a song lol ; you should really dig into mx's older discography tho!!!!! and although i love love love mx's new music (i think fatal love is one of their best albums) there is something that can be said about the timelessness of mx's older discography too <3 i know i've said this to you before, but one of my fav mx songs of all time is blue moon (composed by joo hehe) and like, ,,,,,,,,, i just still cannot believe that was on a DEBUT album ?????? the way it's layered and just the lofi vibes sound so sophisticated and honestly ahead of its time, and i'm not sure how much you've dove into mx already, but i would love to hear your thoughts on their previous music too <3 !!!!!!!

also you should def make that series on ur blog!!!!! i think it'll be nice for u to reflect on but also be a resource for ppl too <3 i think it's a great idea !!!!!! also , thank u so much for taking the time out of YOUR busy day to talk to me <3 it's been so lovely just chatting and im SUPER glad u feel comfortable enough to come here and spend some time with me bc it really means a lot <3 thank you !!!! and i hope u have had a great day today okay?? take care <3