#sorry not trying to spam the tags just figure i might as well put it here

[issi-loves-dannyric]

You Belong With Me- Ollie Bearman

a/n: I'm a year older than Ollie so that's why I wrote it. One day this will be taken down as will all my other writings but at least not for a while. (personal choice cause yk work and everything) -Im tagging this as F1 since he's signed to Haas.

Summary: best friends to lovers, Ollie is too dumb to realize he's in love

angst ish with fluff

Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find

That what you’re looking for has been here the whole time

“She’s coming to a race” excitedly says to me while we walk in the paddock. 

“That's great!” I say faking enthusiasm, if he weren’t distracted by the girl he’s talking to he would’ve caught that I wasn’t happy. 

“I think I’m going to ask her out on a real date” he adds making my heart hurt a little more. 

“Yeah, that’s great. Hey, I’m going to go see some friends.” I say turning towards where Paul was standing on his phone. 

“Yeah-“ he says but is cut off by another message. Rolling my eyes I make my way towards the blonde. Feeling my presence coming up to him he looks up from his phone smiling. 

“Don’t see much of you without Ollie” he says smirking and opens his arms for a hug which I accept immediately. 

“Yeah he wouldn’t shut up about the girl he’s talking to  so figured might as well see some friends”

“Oh yeah, he talks about her all the time. I’ve met her before and she’s kinda…” he trails off

“A bitch”

“I didn’t say it but I’m not disagreeing” putting his hands up in defense. 

“No yeah, she definitely is a bitch and doesn’t like me.”

“Probably cause you and Ollie have a history” 

“He’s my best friend, of course, there’s history”

“Yeah…” before he could add anything Kimi and Dino were joining us making Paul drop the topic. 

2 months later

I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night-

“Ollie, what are you doing” I call out my window looking down at the boy who had spammed me to open my window. 

“I’ve barely heard from you for the past 2 months” he replies looking hurt. 

“Yeah…sorry” the last part being quiet.

“Are we going to talk like this or are you going to let me in?” He asks, sighing I push myself away going down to let him in quietly as possible. 

“Ollie it’s midnight” I whisper as we go towards my room door, allowing him to walk in before me to shut it. 

“I know but since when did it matter?” He replies lowly with a small tentative smile. 

“Since it’s been months from the last time you came over late or even had a full conversation,” I reply turning away, sitting on my bed. 

“Yeah” I could just barely hear, “just…I don’t know” he sighed staring at his feet. Looking at his face he’s trying to figure out what to say or do. 

“Something’s wrong” I state, patting the bed, “come here” making him look up at me. 

“I think she’s cheating on me, she’s just so different from me” he sighs referring to his girlfriend who has hated me for a while now. 

“Do you have proof?” I ask, although we don’t get along, she doesn’t deserve to be accused of something she didn’t do. 

“Kind of, I guess. Just she’s messaging her ex still, I think she went out with him today. Well, I know she did because of the photos.”

“Damn Ollie, that sucks,” I say looking down at my hands in my lap. “Are you going to do something about it?” I question 

“I’m going to confront her and see where it goes.” 

“Smart move” I replied looking up at him who was still avoiding eye contact. “Is there more?” Watching him fidget with the sleeves of his hoodie. 

“I’m sorry for not being around” he quietly voice breaking a little. 

“It's fine, you were busy with your new life.” I reply not meaning to be petty but he did ghost me, his “best friend”. He finally looked up at me with glossy eyes, “Don’t worry, I’m proud of you no matter what” smiling softly at him even with my own eyes feeling pricks of tears. Reaching out to his face I wipe his tears away with the hoodie holding his cheeks. Putting his hand on mine, keeping me from letting go of him, “I don’t want to lose you, I feel like I already did” sobbed holding my hand even tighter. Moving my hand to him, leaning on the pillow behind me. 

I’m the one that makes you laugh when you know you’re 'bout to cry. 

“I’m not leaving, at least not all the way” feeling him hold onto me even tighter, “I’ll always support you, Ollie. You can always text or call me if you need to.” I tell him while running my fingers through his hair, feeling my tears sliding down my face. “You can’t get rid of me that easily, Bearman,” I say trying to lighten the mood, earning a small chuckle from him. Pulling out of my hold, wiping his tears, “I should probably go before my parents realize I'm not there” He says getting up towards the door. 

“Yeah, I’ll lock the door behind you so mine don’t think I just left the house open for robbers,” I say with a small smile. 

“I mean it, you can text or call me anytime, you know I will try my best to answer.” I remind him at the door. 

“I‘ll remember,” he says pulling me into one last tight hug. 

All this time how could you not know

Looking down at my phone I just got a notification,

Ollie: I was right, she just admitted it and didn’t think she was wrong since I travel. 

Sighing I respond 

‘I’m sorry you had to go through that, Ollie. At least you found out now.’ 

Going back to whatever movie was playing on the living room TV. My parents are off on a date meaning I get to have the house to myself, although it’s not as fun as it seems when you’re alone. My phone's insistent vibration distracts me, realizing that a call vibration I pick it up not glancing at the caller. 

“Hello”

“Hey…” Ollie’s voice comes through barely, “I’m sorry, I know you don’t want anything to do with me anymore really. I just miss you so much and this situation made me realize something.” He quickly lets out. 

“Ollie I never said I didn’t want to be in your life at all.” I reason

“Are you home?” He says sniffling. 

“Yeah, parents are out” 

“I need to come over” 

“Okay,” I reply quietly before hanging up.  

You belong with me. Have you ever thought, just maybe you belong with me?

Ollie's knocks were loud and fast making me get out faster walking to the door. The second I open the door, he puts his hand on my cheeks. 

“I want to kiss you” he mumbles leaning down slightly from the height difference. “Can I?” He breaths out 

“Yeah,” I say feeling heat on my cheeks now but quickly distracted by his lips on mine. Kissing him back I put my hands on the back of his neck pulling him closer.

Letting go realizing he’s rebounding, “What was that, Ollie?” I ask genuinely confused. 

“I’m sorry, I love you and it took that relationship for me to realize it.” 

“Still confused” 

“She said the reason she didn’t see the issue of her cheating was because I was in love with you the whole time. I thought she was crazy until I realized I compared her to you. Like the things you knew I liked or how you went out of your way to make me happy.” He paused putting one hand on my cheek again forcing me to look him in the eyes, “She’s right, I do love you more than just my best friend.” He finishes 

“Ollie” I whisper shocked by what he explained to me. 

“Please just give me a chance” he replied 

“I can’t be your rebound, Ollie. My feelings for you are real and I don’t want to be hurt.” I warn him. 

“You’re not a rebound I promise,” he says seriously. 

“Okay,” I reply causing him to smile slightly. 

“Okay?” 

“Prove you will try, Ollie,” I tell him, he lets out a breathy laugh before pressing his lips to mine. Accepting the kiss quickly but I pull away making him confused. “As much as I would like to kiss you in my front doorway so my whole neighborhood could see. I also have a movie playing so are you coming in or what?” I tell him, smiling widely, he accepts my invitation following me to sit on the couch. Curling up into him like we used to do, this time there’s no feeling of confusion about whether he likes me or not. 

You belong with me

“You know you’ve watched this hundreds of times.” He states referring to Coraline playing. 

“Yeah, and I’ll watch it a hundred more times.” I smile looking up at him. Pulling my face closer he started to kiss me again, this time I didn’t stop it, or at least for a moment until realizing I could hear my parents coming in through the garage. Letting go I shift to have my head on his chest with my right arm wrapped around his stomach. 

“Hey Ollie” they calmly say walking by us before going towards the stairs, “Oh hey try not to kiss in front of the whole neighborhood next time.” Before going up. Making me giggle remembering the cameras that watch the front door. 

“I forgot about the cameras,” he says embarrassed. 

“Yeah…me too” I added. 

[fallowtail]

thinking about hetty again what else is new. putting it under a read more because i feel bad i keep spamming the tag with long posts about my blorbo lol

sorry if none of this makes any sense or is cohesive i'm just rambling ok but i just (clenches fist) the fact they decided to let hetty feel realistic in her place as an upper class victorian woman...(throwing her at the wall) they could have been easy and made her a rich white upper class woman who was still a feminist despite her complete lack of life experience outside the confines of her home, but instead they made her truly feel like she came from her class and stature and i LOVE it. she is so so so fundamentally and deeply flawed

she's awful to people she perceives as below her and she's manipulative and desperate for power and to feel like she's in control and she wants to boss the other ghosts around, and she wasn't a woman who was interested in the idea of feminism because she had no exposure to any other world view than the one she was entrenched in and praised and rewarded for (outside of her direct family situation...we can all agree she was not being rewarded by elias lol) so it didn't even click as an option for her, let alone really even having much awareness of the concept.

she hated how her husband treated her but didn't necessarily think it was wrong of him to be doing so (which we find out from her interaction with molly) bc why would it be, that's just the way things were! we see this "its just the way things were" mindset as well with how hetty is able to bring herself to extend the olive branch to elias despite how much she hates him, because if she is being offered a chance to learn to be good than well...doesn't he deserve that too? until he tells her to fuck off essentially and she immediately, well, we all know what she does with that information lol (i almost wish he hadnt gone down on us so soon after his introduction though, because...would she have kept trying? i think maybe she might have.)

she's managed to get to a place where she realizes how she lived her life was bad and that she's in "purgatory" for a reason, and she realizes that she wants to change and be good, but she struggles with it because she doesn't have any frame of reference to know what about her behavior was bad, and what it was she was doing that made her an awful person. she just doesn't know until someone directly tells her because she has no frame of reference to know these things, and a lot of the times the other ghosts...don't tell her. you get the idea that, up until sam showed up, the other ghosts didn't actually do much to explain things to her, they just get annoyed that she doesn't get it, they roll their eyes because that's just how hetty is, but when stuff actually gets explained to her (sam + flower + alberta, usually) she is able to digest it and we get to watch her very slowly develop empathy and sympathy for other people, even if it takes her some time to get there and if she doesn't fully connect the dots right away.

there's such an interesting plot thread with hetty of the duality of living within a place of privilege and imprisonment at the same time and how that shaped her, and now that she's being exposed to other concepts, to other worldviews, to being able to interact with people outside of her social bubble, she is interested in them, but is repeatedly dragged back down by years of social conditioning (example: the scene where she tells flower not to let pete treat her badly, that she doesn't want to spend her afterlife continuing to forgive the sins of the men in her life, but then continues to do that exact same thing over and over again) because change isn't linear and by god is hetty woodstone walking a wobbly line and looping herself around in circles while she tries to figure it out.

hetty was/is screaming about the yellow wallpaper but instead of tearing herself apart she took it out on everyone else around her, specifically her employees (#girlboss!) because she was in a position to do so with little to no consequences, it was what was expected of her, and it would be the only actual sense of control she had, and she enjoyed it. in the newest episode hetty comes to the conclusion that sam is correct and that you can't treat modern workers that way, in a showcase of how she only ever kind of gets it- the lesson there was that "hetty, treating people like that is (was) wrong period", but she always gets stuck filtering the lesson through the social expectations of her time. she's trying, and making an effort, but she struggles to fully get there, especially when it concerns her own past bad behaviors and isn't something that can bring her a sense of pleasure.

WHEW. hetty woodstone, good lord. what a character.

[warmhealerr]

18+ - Minors Do Not Interact.

Adult content sometimes. Even if it weren't the case I just don't want minors here. My Instagram is not my Tumblr.

I am Barnabas, though you can also call me Barney! I use he/they pronouns interchangeably.

I'm a hobbyist who writes and draws. I am currently deep in a DND phase kickstarted by BG3. I am fond of all things Gith- peoples, though Githyanki especially. I also love Deep Gnomes, and undead, go figure.

I am otherwise writing The City Of Dust aka TCOD (name to be changed) which I might post about from time to time. It has been my personal passion project for 7 years now.

If that information matters to you I am a French in France who stays awake at ungodly hours and wants out of here HAHA.

BOUNDARIES/"DNI"

I feel childish adding more to this section for some reason but it is necessary, so might as well get on with it.

I know how to curate my online experience like any other, and I also love dark media and kink, but I genuinely politely ask that you do not follow me (assuming you've read this) if you post or reblog fetish incestuous content. I like quickly checking and/or following people's blogs when it seems we've common interests! There's only so much curating I can do when someone with no specific warnings anywhere on their account does not tag it, which has been a more common occurrence than I'd prefer. This also goes for adult/minor fetish content. Please and thank you.

No gen AI.

I otherwise block whoever I please for reasons completely unrelated to former points. My blog history and bio might give you insight as to what. I also do not like people who revel in being the most shocking, mean spirited, judgemental and edgy in the room.

Finally, petty intercommunity validity discourse is the bane of my existence.

TAG INFO AND MORE UNDER THE CUT

NOTE 1

I suffer from serial social media liking disease. Apologies, I don't mean to spam/be obnoxious.

NOTE 2

I am ND and very mentally ill. My casual everyday (like you are reading right now) writing might be noticeably overcompensating, too cold, too warm, far too descriptive, or redundant alongside suffering at times from poor punctuation and vocabulary (though that is also on the fact English is not my first language). I am well aware though I'm trying to avoid awkwardness, sorry about that.

TUMBLR STUFF

ASKS

I welcome any ask no matter its content (that includes asks of an adult nature).

TAGS

I am God awful at tagging things even though I have been using Tumblr for at least 5 years now. I am especially forgetful when it comes to character or ship tags. This is an attempt at changing that.

#rambling for when I talk about... Nothing.

Feel free to request ship or character tags (as I usually forget them) in my ask inbox. My ship tag format usually goes #x/y.

I usually do not tag suggestive content (I just don't think about it, this blog is already 18+). I will tag explicit adult stuff with #nsft.

Content warning tags will use a single word, like #gore. This is to avoid typing gore cw instead of cw gore (for example) in case someone doesn't have that former tag iteration blocked.

I usually do not phobia tag (I might sometimes tag specific living beings like #bugs or #spiders. It is for archive navigation purposes but perhaps you could find it useful to hide them).

Feel free to request CW tags in my ask inbox.

MY TAGS

#myart for my visual art : from sketches to fully rendered, anything goes. I describe my rendered art for the visually impaired, and/or comprehensive visual clarity for an easier analysis. I usually do not describe sketches especially if posting a bunch of them.

#my writing for any kind of writing I put out. I don't write lots of polished stuff though. It's mostly summaries, script drafts and ideas I use to communicate with myself first, and then other people. It's hardly literature imo.

My individual OC tags go "#charactername tag" for easy navigation purposes.

"#Fist of the Comet" additional tag for Ta'rath post BG3 campaign

"#underdark siblings" for Joufos/Oulmat/Zilkon, their other family members and Oulmat's patron.

#TCOD for TCOD (until name changes).

I will add more tags here once relevant. Thank you.

[snelbz]

Life As We Know It {Chapter 9}

Summary: After the sudden deaths of Nesta’s sister and Cassian’s best friend, they gain guardianship of their nephew, Nyx.

Based on Life As We Know It (2010) and a prompt sent in by anonymous for our Nessian fanfic contest. This is a modern au.

Instead of doing a tag list for this story, we have decided to have a set posting schedule. Chapters will be posted weekly on Mondays and Thursdays. Chapters will be posted on both my and Shelby’s blogs! >> @snelbz​

Life As We Know It Masterlist

Shelby’s Masterlist

Tara’s Masterlist

A/N: SURPRISE. Enjoy this chapter a day early. I had my days wrong and legit thought it was Thursday, but since it was ready…. Y’all get to enjoy the spoils of my frazzled brain. 😘

Nesta waited with Nyx in the waiting room of the pediatric office.

His rash didn’t seem to be bothering him much, but she wanted to get ahead of it before it became a problem. He was absolutely enamored with the TV playing a bright children’s show in the corner, and Nesta couldn’t help but smile down at him as she checked her email.

The usual stuff greeted her, some open catering order invoices for the restaurant, a few wayward resumes from high school kids that had managed to get her personal email, and, of course, spam.

“Nyx?”

Nesta’s head shot up, and Nyx began looking around, wondering who had called his name. Nesta was instantly on her feet, pushing Nyx’s stroller toward the door that the nurse held open.

She smiled. “Hello, Nyx.”

Nyx babbled in greeting.

The nurse chuckled. “Such a cute little guy. You’re Nesta, I assume?”

“I am,” Nesta confirmed. “I’ve not been here before. It’s a nice office.”

The small talk went on. Nesta had never been a fan of small talk, of polite pleasantries.

It just made her feel awkward.

Nyx didn’t seem to mind. He just kept babbling and babbling and babbling, without a care in the world.

The nurse led them into a room and she checked Nyx’s height and weight before telling them that the doctor would be there shortly.

Nesta had picked Nyx up, looking around at all the educational posters on the walls, when a quick knock sounded on the door and a man cracked open the door.

Nesta blinked once as he stepped inside, not expecting the tall, muscled man that appeared in front of her.

“You must be Nesta,” he said, extending his hand. “I’m Dr. Kamaras.”

This man was Nyx’s pediatrician? She had known that Nyx’s doctor was male, Feyre had mentioned him in some stories a few times, but Nesta had always pictured an elderly man.

Not this sculpted, handsome man, who could easily graced the cover of one of the ridiculous smutty books she kept well hidden in her bedroom.

She shook his hand, finally remembering how to speak. “Yes, I am, it’s nice to meet you.”

Very nice to meet you, she added in her head.

His face sombered. “I was very sorry to hear about Rhys and Feyre. They were great people.”

And just like that, Nesta was back on earth, holding her sister’s son in her arms, standing where her sister should have been. She tried to keep her smiling from dimming, but she cleared her throat. “Thank you. It’s…been an adjustment.”

As if they both remembered why they were here, Dr. Karamas blinked and said, “Yes, Nyx, right. You told the nurse he has a rash of some sort?”

“It’s just a diaper rash but it seems to be getting infected,” Nesta explained. “I’ve tried a few different things but nothing seems to be working.”

“Ah,” he said, nodding. “Well, let’s take a look.”

Dr. Karamas took one glance and whistled. “Definitely infected. I’m going to give you a steroid cream. Put it on after every diaper change. It should clear up within the week.”

Nesta let loose a breath. “Oh, great, thank you.”

“Absolutely,” he smiled.

He had a nice smile.

He scribbled something down on his clipboard, signed it, and handed it to Nesta. “The number on the bottom is my office number. If you have any other concerns, no matter how small, give it a call.”

Nesta looked at Nyx’s prescription and the number that was beneath it, along with his name.

Balthazar Karamas.

“Thank you, Dr. Karamas,” Nesta said, and she meant it. She was still new at this, and every little medical thing concerned her.

If it wasn’t normal, she was freaking the fuck out.

“Bal, please,” he said, taking her hand again, shaking it. At the look on her face, he added, “I work with kids. They do better on a familiar name basis than with titles like doctor and mister.”

She nodded, smiling. “Bal, then.”

Nesta was getting Nyx resituated in his stroller in the waiting room, about to head back out into the bright sunlight, when she felt someone approach. She wasn’t expecting to find Balthazar standing a few feet away. She quickly checked the stroller, making sure she had her purse, the diaper bag, and, of course, Nyx himself. “Did I forget something?” She asked, finding everything exactly where it was supposed to be.

“No, no, it’s not that,” he said, pausing in front of her. “I just…can’t shake the feeling that I know you from somewhere.”

It was strange, since Nesta felt the same way.

“You’re not Illyrian,” he said, and it wasn’t a question, nor was it rude. Just an assumption. She only knew of a few other Illyrians in the area, and Balthazar definitely had the same coloring as Cassian and Az. And Rhys used to have. She, pale skinned and blue eyed, certainly did not.

“I’m not,” she said, at last.

Bal chuckled.

That smile, yet again, had her toes curling.

“Interesting,” he said, that smile remaining. “Well, maybe we can figure out just where we’ve run into each other before...over lunch this weekend?”

Nesta blinked. A date?

“Not a date,” he said, quickly, reading her mind. “I would never ask the aunt of my patient on a date. That would be incredibly unprofessional.” Nesta laughed. “Just…two acquaintances figuring out where they were previously acquainted.”

“Lunch sounds nice,” Nesta said, unable to shake her own smile. “Saturday, then?”

“Saturday,” Bal agreed.

They set up a time and place and then Nesta was out the door.

*

Cassian’s day had been as long as it was the day before. It seemed that the teenagers visiting Velaris had gotten the message from their friends that Cassian’s bar was checking every single ID of every single drink that was ordered. So instead of being slammed and busy and frustrated the whole day, he had been bored out of his mind.

He’d gone through his inventory sheets twice, ordering anything they might remotely run out of in the next few weeks.

It didn’t help that Kallias had the day off, covering the evening shift tonight, leaving him alone with his thoughts all day.

And those thoughts constantly reminded him that he’d been an absolute dick to Nesta the night before.

As he drove home, he contemplated the apology he needed to make.

Although Cassian believed his intentions were typically good, apologizing wasn’t one of his strengths. He ran through what he’d say a hundred times, had come up with an unbearable amount of ways in which he could apologize, but everything he thought of wasn’t good enough.

He knew Nesta well enough to know when she would laugh in his face.

He’d come up with about fifteen different scenarios of how this could go by the time he pulled into the driveway, parking next to her little car. He took a deep breath before unlocking the front door and letting himself in.

The house was quiet, neither Nesta or Nyx were anywhere to be found. It was barely six-thirty, but he knew Nesta was taking Nyx to the doctor earlier in the day, which may have tired him out so thoroughly that he was already down for the night. A peek into his cracked bedroom door confirmed it, his little hand curled next his face as he slept.

When he finally tracked down Nesta, on the back patio, her feet propped up in a lounge chair, he definitely hadn’t expected to find her with a bottle of wine. Or what was left of it, at least.

The mostly empty bottle of wine sat next to the baby monitor.

He cleared his throat, announcing his presence.

Nesta’s sigh was the only acknowledgement she showed.

“Everything alright?” He asked.

She shrugged and took a sip from her glass.

“Bad day?” He continued.

She shrugged again.

“Is this the silent treatment?” He asked.

“I assume you’d know,” she said.

Cassian began rubbing his temples. “Look, Nesta-.”

“I’m a little busy if you don’t mind,” she continued. “I prefer to relax alone.”

“This is my house, too,” he said, shutting the sliding door behind him as he made his way onto the patio. “What if I want to sit out here with you?”

“Then I’d suggest continuing the silence,” she said, not looking at him, her face tilting back up to the sky, where it had been when he’d come outside.

So he sat down on a nearby lounge chair, and didn’t say a word.

Or he tried, but he didn’t last five minutes. The words that had building inside him all day needed to come out. He’d rehearsed different things he wanted to say, with reasons for why he was such an asshole, and promises to try and be better from now on. But as he looked over at her, the starlight on her face, all he could get out was, “I’m sorry.”

For a moment, Nesta said nothing. “About?”

“The way I acted last night,” he replied, keeping his eyes on the lawn. “It was uncalled for, and I’m sorry.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said, draining her glass.

Cassian’s eyes shot her direction. “I’m trying to apologize. You can at least accept my apology so we can move on.”

“Apologies mean nothing,” Nesta said, shrugging. “Words are meaningless.”

“Not mine,” Cassian argued. “I mean what I say.”

“Then you meant what you said last night?” Nesta pushed.

Cassian’s lips snapped shut and his jaw hardened. “No.”

“So, you’re a liar, then?” Nesta asked.

He groaned in frustration. “You’re infuriating.”

She didn’t deign to reply to that.

He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I was an asshole last night. I was…embarrassed about how you found me the night before. I don’t… I don’t like to be seen like that.” He paused, but then he held a hand out in between them. “Not- not that that happens often. I mean, I don’t make a habit of having emotional breakdowns.”

She didn’t say anything. Just stared at him.

He cleared his throat again, remembering little things he had felt badly about through the day. “Nesta, I’m sorry I acted like an ass. I’m sorry I didn’t appreciate the dinner you made me. I was rude as hell and you did nothing to deserve it.”

After a second, she glanced away, out over the pool. He figured she wasn’t going to reply, and he stood, heading back for the back door.

He had slid the door open and was halfway inside when she said, “If you’re hungry, I made lasagna for dinner. It should still be warm on the stove.”

He turned back and found a hint of a smile on her face. “Thanks, Nes.”

*

A continuation of his apology, Cassian had told Nesta he'd be on baby duty for the rest of the night, waking Nyx up for his bottle, granting her leave to do whatever she wanted. She elected to finish off the bottle of wine, open another, and relax in the bathtub with a book.

The book of choice was definitely not appropriate to read in front of Nyx.

Or Cassian, for that matter.

She had appreciated his apology, even though a part of her still wanted to be pissed. There were very few things that agitated her more than male bravado, and Cassian was the spitting image of it. Embarrassed because he was emotional? Please. Get the fuck over it.

Then again, she could say that all day, but in honesty, if the positions were reversed, she would have reacted very, very similarly.

If not worse.

Nesta had always felt too much, far more than either of her sisters. It wasn’t like they were robots, of course. Elain had a bigger heart than anyone Nesta had ever known, and Feyre had been a light to be around.

But, Nesta…

She felt it all, and she felt it far too deeply. She had learned long ago to shut those emotions off, to let them go, to not let her emotions show. They could just be used as a weakness.

And she found life worked better that way.

There was a soft knock on the bathroom door.

Nesta sat up straight, even though the door was locked, in a sudden panic over the fact that she was nude and reading smut.

“Yeah?”

“Nyx is going to bed,” he said. “Just thought you’d want to say goodnight.”

“I- Ah- Just a minute,” she called, setting the book down and reaching down to grab for her towel. She was out and damn near opened the door in just her towel again, but remembered their agreed upon rules. She snatched her robe, wrapping it around herself, towel and all.

She opened the door, Cassian standing just by her bed, and Nyx had his head resting on his shoulder, rubbing his little eyes.

The image was so pure and innocent that Nesta couldn’t stop herself from taking a few steps towards them, reaching out to brush her fingers down Nyx’s soft cheek. “Sweet dreams, buddy,” she breathed, leaning up to press a kiss to his forehead.

She regretted it almost immediately, as bringing herself that close in Nyx also inadvertently brought her to Cassian. His heady, nutmeg-and-campfire scent enveloping her, reminding her of the morning she’d come downstairs and found him as naked as she was now. She stepped back quickly, clearing her throat. “And goodnight to you, Cassian,” she murmured. She pointed back behind her towards the bathtub, towards her book, and said, “I’m going to read a little longer and then go to bed myself.”

He nodded. “Alright, I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight, Nes.”

The nickname didn’t bother her as much as it previously had, she realized as he made his way back out of her room, shutting the door behind him.

She didn’t let herself think about that, did her best not to think about him, as she sunk back into the warm water.

*

Nyx had gone down easily for Cassian, for the first time ever, thanks to the frozen toy he’d gnawed on to relieve the pain of his incoming tooth. He’d decided he deserved a treat, too, after that, and had sat down to watch the hockey game, a beer in hand.

Fifteen minutes later, there was a knock at the front door.

Cassian paused, glancing down at his watch, seeing that it was pushing nine o’clock. He stood, after a second knock sounded, making his way to the door. He opened it to find a woman dressed in a suit on the other side. “Can I help you?”

“Mr. Nazari, I assume?” She asked, extending her hand.

He took it, on instinct, shaking it, but he blinked. He repeated, “Yeah… Can I help you?”

Her brows twitched together. “My name is Alis Birch. I’m with social services.”

Cassian continued to shake her hand, staring.

“The courts told you we’d be making random visits to check in on Nyx,” she continued.

Oh, fuck, Cassian thought. Oh, fucking hell.

They’d completely forgotten about those random visits, in the past few weeks they’d been doing this, distracted by getting used to not only being parents, but getting used to each other as well.

“I see,” Cassian said, nodding. “I… I’ll…be right back.”

“I’d like to come in-.”

Cassian shut the door, quickly set his beer on the table in the entryway, and hauled ass upstairs.

He threw open the door to Nesta’s bedroom, only to found it empty, so he continued on, throwing open the bathroom door.

Where Nesta was still in the tub, completely nude, a book in hand, one hand disappeared beneath the water. Her head was thrown back in utter ecstasy.

Until Cassian barged in, anyway.

“Shit!” he yelled, just as Nesta gasped and sent the water sloshing out of the tub, over the porcelain edges.

Cassian quickly shut the door behind him, closing them into the bathroom together, and put his face in his hands. “Sorry!”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she yelled, and he could hear her pulling the plug.

“It’s important, I swear,” he said, his voice muffled by his hands.

“If the house isn’t on fire or Nyx isn’t dying, it’s not important,” she cried, ducking behind the walls of the tub.

“It’s pretty fucking important,” he said, turning to give her a semblance of privacy. He heard her stand up, water moving and quiet dripping, before her feet landed on the rug outside the tub. “The social worker is here.”

She froze and he dared a look back at her. Thankfully, she was wrapped in her towel again, one arm pushed through her robe. “The social worker is here? Now?” He nodded, and she looked at the nearly empty bottle of wine next to the glass on the small table by the tub. It was the second one she’d had that night. “But it’s late,” she protested.

“It’s a random, surprise visit,” he replied. “I left her outside, but-.”

“You didn’t let her in?” Nesta demanded, eyes widening. “Cauldron, Cass, that makes us look so guilty.”

He blinked. “Of what?”

“I don’t know,” she said, throwing her hands in the air. “But it doesn’t make us look good.”

“Well, I didn’t know what to do,” he sighed, exasperatedly. “I sure as hell wasn’t expecting to come up here and find you doing that.” He gestured to the tub.

Nesta’s cheeks heated. He figured his own were going to permanently be the shade of red they were now.

No, that was the last thing he ever expected to catch Nesta doing.

“Just… Go let her in and stall her while I get dressed,” she sighed, crossing her arms, waiting for him to leave.

Cassian hesitated, then nodded, and hurried back down the stairs. When he reopened the front door, Alis Birch stood there. Her expression was hard, intimidating.

Cassian could feel himself sweat.

He prayed that Nesta somehow sobered up and got the fuck downstairs, because there was no way in hell he could do this without her.

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

The Love Yet Known Part 2

Summary: Tommy Shelby needs to make sacrifices to ensure the safety of his family. So he concocts a plan to marry off his sister to the one and only Alfie Solomons.

Thanks for the love for the first part! Heres for you, @97freaknik. Sorry the tagging system isn’t working. 

And thank you to my permanent tag who have yet to block me despite my spamming of works. 

          The drive to London was almost absolutely silent. Neither Alfie nor Eliza really knew what to say to one another. It was as if they were just acting out something for the sake of Tommy. Neither of them exactly knew how they’d ended up in such a predicament.

            Alfie’s mind was racing, wondering how stupid he was to agree to something like marrying a Shelby. He thought about the ramifications, was there even a rabbi who would consider converting her and allowing them to marry? What sort of effect would this have on his life in the long run?

            He glanced to his left where Eliza had been sitting quietly since they’d left Warwickshire. Her eyes were locked on the window, never turning her head. He wondered if she was wishing she was on the outside, not in the car with him. Maybe she figured if she didn’t look at him, she wouldn’t have to think of the arrangement.  

            Alfie cleared his throat, the silence too uncomfortable for his liking. “Erm, you like dogs?” He asked.

            She looked away from the window to show she had heard him. “Pardon?”

            “Dogs? Do you like dogs? I have a dog.” He clarified. “He ain’t mean or anything. I bought him to be a guard dog but he had other plans. Too nice for his own good.”

            A hint of a smile formed on her lips. The sense of humor didn’t exactly fit his image. But it did help her relax a little. “Yes, I like dogs.”

            “Good. That’s good. I sorta have a nasty habit of picking up strays.” He admitted. “I don’t keep all of ‘em. There’s a charity that a dear friend of mine runs. They train dogs to help blind people. So, they take in most of the strays.” He rubbed the back of his neck. It was strange. It was almost as if he was trying to list off his good traits so Eliza wouldn’t look at him like he was a monster. Maybe he could put her mind at ease. “But, Cyril I kept. Cyril’s me dog. I kept him, couldn’t give him away.” The silence on Eliza’s end was killing him. He wanted her to say exactly what she thought about him. Most people who worked for him kept their opinions to themselves. Most of his business partners/enemies were vocal about what they thought. But neither of those opinions mattered. Because none of those people were intending to marry him. If they were to marry, Alfie wanted to know Eliza’s opinion of him. Even if she said she hated him and wished him dead, at least he would know.

            “He sounds lovely.” She said politely.

            “Yeah…he is.” Alfie fiddled with one of his rings. He wasn’t sure how he was going to make this work. It gave him a headache thinking about it.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Much to Alfie’s relief, Eliza took immediately to Cyril. The bullmastiff seemed to enjoy a female presence in the flat. At least she didn’t feel completely alone in Camden Town. Alfie just felt a little guilty that her only companion was a slobbery, goofy dog.

            Still, he capitalized on her affection for the mutt. He allowed her to take Cyril out for walks whenever she pleased and didn’t say anything when Cyril started to sleep in her bedroom.

            Meanwhile, Alfie was trying to figure out the complicated matters of converting Eliza so they could get married. Tommy continued to call to push the matter. It was clear over the phone that he was desperate to make the union complete. The Italians would be closing in at any time and Tommy didn’t need another threat from Camden Town to weigh on him.

            “Y’know, I know you’re godless, Tommy. I understand that, but us godly men have rules and those rules simply cannot be tampered with. Centuries of laws, mate, can’t be overturned ‘cause you find it inconvenient.” Alfie said over the phone.

            “I gave you money to ensure it.”

            “Right, well some rabbis take bribes as an insult, mate.”

            “Alfie, if you’re holding out on me…” Tommy warned.

            “She’s been living with me for nearly a month, Thomas, if I really wanted to back out, I would’ve sent her home to you.” He cut the man off.

            Tommy muttered something over the line but Alfie couldn’t hear what it was.

            “There’s a rabbi that Ollie found that might go through with the conversion and marriage,” Alfie said. “When I hear from him, I’ll let you know.”

            The Blinder seemed to have his worries put to rest at least for the time being. “And how is she doing there?”

            “Well, her best friend is me dog,” Alfie replied honestly. “She hardly speaks to me, not that I blame her much.”

            “She’s always been quiet,” Tommy assured him.

            “Well, circumstances ‘n such.” Alfie sighed and cracked his knuckles. “Anyways, I’ll let you know, Tom. I’ll let you know.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~           

            One night a couple of days later, Alfie and Eliza were sat down together for dinner. “I just wanted you to know that I’ve found rabbis who are willing to convert you.” He brought up the topic.

            “Oh. Okay.” She nodded.

            Alfie had learned over the few weeks together that she was a difficult person to read. She was a lot like Tommy, and less like her other brothers who were prone to showing their emotions on the outside. She always spoke to him in a calm, steady, and polite manner. Almost as if she were afraid of setting him off, or it was simply just her demeanor. Alfie would’ve preferred if she were a bit more like Arthur, as terrible as that would be. At least he would know what she was thinking instead of having to guess.

            “Didya…well…have ya put any thought into it? I mean, ain’t a small decision.”

            Eliza shrugged as she pushed her food around the plate with her fork. “I haven’t put much thought into religion.” She admitted. “Polly was the only one who took Christianity seriously in our family.”

            “Right.” He nodded. “Still, being Jewish is more a way of life, innit?”

            “That’s what I’ve been told.” Alfie had arranged for Ollie’s wife to give some insight to Eliza into what it meant to be a Jewish wife. He assumed they’d bonded, but Eliza didn’t say much about it. Though, she did frequently visit Ruth and her and Ollie’s pack of kids. She never said what they spoke about.

            “Right. Well, just wanted to know what your thoughts about it were.” He posed the question again, hoping to get a little further into her mindset.

            “Ruth said if we were going to have children, they needed to be brought up fully Jewish. Or at least, that’s what she thought your intentions were.”

            Alfie cleared his throat. How could they discuss children? Of course, it was a factor but a child wouldn’t just magically appear once they were married. And they hadn’t even touched each other aside from the mistaken brush of an arm. “Well, right.” He tilted his head to the side, hoping suddenly for an interruption so he could leave the conversation.

            “Alfie?”

            The hairs on the back of his neck stood up. It was the first time she had addressed him by name. The way she spoke his name was so soft. Like nothing, he’d heard before. “Hm?” He couldn’t exactly speak properly.

            “Do you think I’m afraid of you?”

            He raised an eyebrow. “Afraid? Well, I’d hope not. I told your brothers that I ain’t here to hurt you.”

            “Then why do you walk on eggshells around me?”

            Alfie opened his mouth but only let out a small, confused grumble. It must’ve been that Shelby wit that had gotten them there. She was so good at concealing her feelings that Alfie looked like a fool. Dancing around the topic, trying to please her, giving her everything she wanted. God, he must’ve looked like a sap.

            She smiled slightly. “I didn’t expect you to try to impress me so much. The way my brothers spoke of you, I was expecting something else entirely.”

            He drummed his fingers on the table. “There’s a difference, yeah, ‘tween business and me personal life. What your brothers see ain’t what you’ll see.” He tried to explain.

            It was different from her family’s mentality, or Tommy’s to be more specific. In the Shelby family, everyone dealt with family business. There were no exceptions unless you absconded. Even then, it was tricky to escape business. But it appeared Alfie was keener to keep his two lives separate. Eliza considered how this difference might benefit her.

            “All the day’s shit, yeah, it gets left at the fucking door.” He pointed down the hall toward the front door. “This is sorta a sanctuary, innit?”

            Eliza nodded. “That sounds nice.”

            “Nice, yeah it is nice.” He agreed.

            They were quiet for a moment, neither of them really wanted to return to the conversation topic of children. It seemed too fresh.

            “Ruth is trying to teach me how to cook kosher.” She spoke up after a bit. It was the first time she offered any information without Alfie prompting her. Maybe because now she felt the flat was a safe place for her. “Just, I dunno if you were wondering why I’m there for so long.”

            Alfie shrugged. “I’m glad you two have gotten along. Didn’t want you to feel lonely here.” He admitted and went back to eating before his dinner went cold.  

            Eliza watched him for a split second. So, he cared about how she felt? Imagine that.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            It took quite a bit of convincing to get the rabbis to convert Eliza. Wrestling with tradition, Alfie knew he was asking for a lot. But the conversion went through and under Jewish law, he was allowed to marry her. Not that he was looking for some massive wedding. It would be best to call the least amount of attention to himself as possible. The Camden community might not take kindly to his bride-to-be if they found out she was a convert. And if they found out she was a Shelby? Well, granted, Alfie was scary enough to thwart off criticism. But he didn’t want the rumors to get around to Eliza. He didn’t want her to feel unwelcome.

            In reality, Alfie felt as though he was going mad. Since when had he given two shits about someone’s comfort? His job was basically to make people feel uncomfortable so they’d be more willing to listen. But apparently, Eliza had made quite an impact on him.

            She fit in very nicely in his flat. Never made a fuss or anything. That wasn’t to say she was like a little dormouse. She wasn’t very tidy. Alfie chalked this up to her growing up with five siblings. He didn’t particularly mind, though. It was nice to see the flat actually lived in. For so long it had been just a place to sleep. But Alfie realized he had grown fond of coming home late from work and finding traces of Eliza throughout the house.

            A dirty pan in the sink, her book on the sofa, a couple of hairpins on the coffee table, and the stray teacup with cold tea that had been forgotten about.

            For a brief moment, as he cleaned up, he wondered if their children would be just as messy. Alfie could imagine coming home to the floor littered with toys. It brought a smile to his face.

            Of course, children was still a conversation they had to have. Alfie loathed the fact that they had to get over that little mountain of a decision. He wouldn’t dare force anything onto her. Purely by his own standards and morals. Plus, the added benefit of getting a bullet in his head courtesy of the Shelby boys.

            So, he waited and hoped that was something they could get to. Because, despite their relationship still being merely two people who lived together, he did like her. More so, even.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~

            The wedding, although very traditional in the ritual sense, was very small. Only a few people very close to Alfie attended if only to witness the union. There wasn’t a reception or party to follow. No grand affair.

            They simply walked out of the building as man and wife.

            “Alfie, can I ask you something?”

            “’Course.” It was a bit strange. Eliza was standing in the foyer as he went to go feed Cyril. Standing in her wedding dress, she looked a bit out of place.

            “I know what is…expected of us tonight.” She wrung her hands together. “But I don’t think I’m quite ready. I’m sorry I just…”

            Alfie felt oddly relieved. He was hoping she would say something, otherwise, he’d feel like a monster if she went through with consummating the marriage and she wasn’t ready. “No reason to apologize, love.” He walked back out of the kitchen, shrugging off his jacket. “Ain’t any rush.”

            “I appreciate that.” She said softly. “Thank you.”

            “So…I’ll see you tomorrow then? I’ve got to work early.”

            “I’ll make breakfast.” She offered.

            “Nah, that’s alright. You don’t need to get up so early.”

            “I don’t mind…”

            “S’alright, love.” He gave her a warm smile and held out an arm, allowing her to go upstairs first.

            Eliza smiled back, feeling her cheeks warm a bit. She went upstairs, allowing Cyril to trot by her.

            “I had a few things shipped in from Paris. Sorta wedding gift, if you will. I hope you don’t mind, I asked Ruth if she could help me.” Alfie said as he climbed the stairs behind her. “I left it on your bed.”

            “Oh, Alfie, you didn’t need to-”

            “S’alright.” He assured her, meeting her at the top of the stairs. “You Shelbys like nice things, aye?”

            She shrugged. “I’m a Solomons now.” She pointed out.

            He let out a brief chuckle. “Yeah, that’s true. F’ya want, we can get a nice box for your dress. Maybe to store it? I dunno, me mum did the same thing. I still have her dress, fuck if I know what I’m gonna do with it. But she-well it were the only thing she brought from Russia.”

            “I understand, it’s important to you.” Eliza agreed.

            Alfie rubbed a hand over his beard. “Yeah. Yeah, it is. Well, I won’t keep you up.”

            “Goodnight, Alfie.” She smiled at him before going down the hall to her room. Like he said, there was a large box on her bed. After shutting the door, Eliza opened the top and found an array of beautiful pieces of clothing that must’ve cost a fortune. Beaded gowns, satin gloves, a fur-lined coat, and much more. Eliza carefully unpacked everything, folding the items or hanging them up in the closet. Then she landed on a pair of silk pajamas that looked like what picture stars wore. A gorgeous burgundy color with embroidered designs on the cuffs of the shirt and pants.

            She smiled and felt her heart skip a beat. It had been a little unnerving knowing that she would become a Jewish wife. There were a lot of changes she had to make, moving to Camden, marrying Alfie, and trying to keep her end of the bargain by converting. But in the end, she was still married to a gangster. One who, although he looked simply, did like luxury items. And maybe it was how he was trying to show his affection for her.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Married life wasn’t all that different for Alfie. He continued to work the same tireless hours and continued to keep up his agenda of legal and illegal operations. Mostly illegal.

            What changed was coming home to a gentle person who had a good skill of keeping the flat calm. Alfie assumed that like the other Shelbys, Eliza would manage to only raise his blood pressure. But she had the opposite effect.

            She had become more of an open book with him, which led Alfie to believe they were moving in the right direction. She told him more about what she did during the day. Mainly, she spent her time with Ruth and some of the other women in the neighborhood.

            It was nice to hear things that weren’t related to business. Alfie’s entire life was business. Now he had someone else to occupy his thoughts.

            As the weeks wore on, both Eliza and Alfie began talking on a more intimate level. Soon she found she was telling him things not even her siblings knew. Things that were very personal to her.       

            She also began to notice Alfie stealing a few looks her way. Meanwhile, she found herself looking forward to seeing him every day and often was disappointed if he worked late and she fell asleep before he came home. Her heart skipped a beat when he smiled at her or called her pet names. She figured it was just instinct, something he did to everyone. But it felt special to her.

            Eliza realized, when winter came, that there was no reason for her sheepishness. They were married, after all. If she wanted to further their relationship, all she had to do was ask.

            So, she did. One night, Alfie came home late from work. He picked at some leftovers waiting for him, before heading upstairs. His hip was bothering him as the days got colder, so he wasn’t in a grand mood. When he reached the second floor, the door to Eliza’s room opened.           

            “Sorry, love, didn’t mean to wake you.”

            “You didn’t, I was waiting for you to get home.” She lingered in the doorway for a moment. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you come in, I would’ve kept you company while you ate.”

            “S’alright, didn’t eat much.” He shrugged. “There something you needed?”

            “Well, yes.” She walked into the hallway. It felt a little silly asking her husband what she was going to ask. So, Eliza gained some of that Shelby confidence and looked him in the eye. “Will you kiss me?”

            It certainly wasn’t what Alfie expected. He thought maybe she wanted to use the car or needed some spending cash. So, he felt a little bad that he was silent for so long, but he didn’t know what to say. “Erm, I didn’t-well-”

            Eliza began to clam up, fearing she had overstepped a line. Maybe it was all in her head and Alfie didn’t really like her all that much. “Sorry, I shouldn’t’ve asked…”

            Alfie caught her hand before she could scurry back to her room. He drew her closer and his other hand cupped her cheek. His eyes searched her face before he kissed her, trying to get a mental image of her locked in his head. The tiny bit of freckles on her face, the wintery blue eyes looking up, yearning, and the way her lips parted slightly. He would catalog the little bits of information away because he couldn’t imagine how this would last long. Nothing good in life ever lasted long and Eliza was one of the best damn things that ever happened to him.

            That night, Eliza slept in Alfie’s room for the first time. It was how she came to the realization that her husband was just a big bear. Grumpy, stubborn, yet he cared for his own. Eliza liked that. She had grown up around bristly love. Polly marched them to mass every Sunday no matter how much they complained because she wanted to ‘save their souls’. Arthur would gladly murder any boy who gave her even the slightest of looks. Tommy was stern but she found out later it was because they had no father figure so he had to take on the role. And John? Well, John pretended to hate his twin sister. He wanted to appear tough in front of his friends and teased her at school. But every night, when there was no available light to read, he conjured up a story for her.

            Other people may not have understood, but Eliza knew that real relationships couldn’t be found in the pages of her books. She liked Alfie because he was real. The most real thing she’d ever known.

            After that night, their relationship bloomed much faster. They found married life soothing when others found it stressful. They enjoyed each other’s company so much that Alfie started to cut back on late nights at the bakery. It meant more to Eliza than he might have realized.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            As the situation with the Italians got more intense, Alfie started to realize how much their relationship had grown. He found himself contacting Tommy more often, demanding information about what Luca Changretta was doing. He wanted to ensure there would be no threat to his London empire and there would be no threat to his wife.

            His anxiety about everything reached a boiling point when Eliza disappeared one morning. Had he looked in his study, he would’ve seen the note she left for him saying that she was taking the car to visit her family in Small Heath.

            But he didn’t. So, he naturally assumed something bad happened and rallied a search team. He was at his wit's end, practically tearing his hair out.

            When Eliza arrived home, unharmed and acting normally, he lost his cool.

            “Where the fuck have you been?” He demanded when she walked through the door as if nothing had happened.

            Eliza looked taken aback. He’d never taken such a harsh tone with her. “Pardon?”

            “I’ve half me men out looking for you, you think it’s alright to just disappear like that?”

            “Alfie, I left you a fucking note on your desk.” She snapped, not happy he was talking to her in such a way. He usually was very respectful.

            He looked a bit hesitant, maybe he had neglected to see the note. But he was still too upset to admit he was in the wrong. “You could’ve told me, aye? Where were you?”

            “What does it matter?” She asked defensively, trying to pass by him in the hallway.

            “Because there’s a man out there who wants to wipe out your entire family, Liz!” He snapped, standing in her way so she couldn’t shrug off his concern.

            “You don’t think I know that?”

            “You have no idea where he could be or what he could’ve done to you!”

            “I was in Small Heath, I was perfectly okay.” She retorted. “I have the right to go where I please.”

            “Small Heath?” Alfie looked at her in disbelief. To think she could go that far and think she would be fine on her own. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

            “Do not take that tone with me!” She held strong against him. “If I want to see my family, I can. You can’t keep me locked up in Camden.”

            “That ain’t…” He let out a frustrated noise. The last thing he wanted to do was make her feel trapped. “I don’t understand why you just up and left. What did you need to do there?”

            “That’s my business.”

            “Liz-”

            “You don’t control me, Alfie.”

            “I know!” He shouted. “You don’t think I know that? But I care too much about you to let you be killed because of what your fucking brother has gotten your family into!”

            Eliza’s lower lip wobbled and she crossed her arms over her chest. “I went because I was late. My aunt confirmed it, I’m pregnant.”

            Alfie was knocked right in the gut by the news. What he thought would never happen was now a reality. “Liz…”

            “Just fuck off.” She spat and turned to head upstairs. But she paused halfway. “I was so excited to tell you and this is how I’m treated? You can sleep on the couch.” She stomped upstairs and slammed the door shut before locking it.

            Alfie felt like an absolute imbecile. He was notorious for letting his temper get the better of him. But he was proud of himself for never letting Eliza see that side of him. Now he had mucked up what they’d been building for months.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~          

            Eliza didn’t come down for dinner or breakfast the next day. Alfie decided to try and speak with her before he went to the bakery for the day.

            His first knock was met with silence.

            “Eliza, please, just let me apologize.” He said as he knocked again.

            “Go to hell, Alfie.” She finally replied.

            He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Love, I’m tryna apologize, here!” He exclaimed. “What else do you want me to do?”

            There was another bout of silence before the door swung open. “You think an apology is some grandiose gesture?” She demanded. “Alfie, I’ve walked across hot coals for you and you don’t even realize.”

            “M’tryna…I don’t know what you want me to say.” He grimaced, realizing how shit he was at relationships sometimes.

            “I went to Small Heath and you know what Ada said to me? She asked me about my headscarf. She said it was oppressive and I never should’ve converted for you. She said you would never be able to do anything that comes close to what I’ve done for you. Do you want to know what I said?”

            Alfie nodded.

            “I said she was wrong. I told her that you treated me right. You respected me. You were there for me and appreciated the person I was. I converted for you, I married you, and now I’m going to give you a child. So, don’t act like you have this authority over me when I’ve done so much for you.”

            He sighed. “You’re right, love. It were wrong for me to treat you like that.” He acknowledged in a rare event of humility. “But me worst fear is losing you. ‘Cause you’re the only thing on this Earth that means a damn to me. If I lost you if that fucker killed you? I’d never forgive myself. I would spend the rest of me days mourning.”

            Eliza’s tense stance relaxed a bit when she heard the genuine concern in his voice. His anger was out of fear. She knew men like Alfie had a hard time addressing their fears because they weren’t meant to be scared of anything. Her voice softened. “I’m not going anywhere.” She promised. “You have me until the end of time.”

            “And you have me.”

            She smiled and stepped into his arms so he could hold her close. “That’s good to know.”

              Permanent Tag: @papa-geralt-of-cirilla @giftofdreams @biba3434 @kimmietea @karmezii @enrapturedbythemoon @vampgirl1997 @tarafaithe

@fuseburner​

PB Masterlist

[sankyeom]

Hello! Hope you are doing well! I have decided to write in Tumblr. Can you please give me some tips?

hi dear!! welcome to tumblr 👋

sorry this took a while, i wanted to save this until i had the time to give a proper response. here are some writing tips that work for me personally, and that are specific to tumblr:

use your tags wisely

this may be the most important thing to know if you’re new to tumblr

my personal experience says you have a maximum of about 15 tags before tumblr marks your posts as spam if it has pictures in it, and 20 tags if it’s just text. 

don’t throw in 50 irrelevant tags to your writing. it’s tempting, but it will probably make tumblr think you’re a bot/spam account and will hide it from the tags. plus, it often means your writing isn’t reaching your target audience. even if you are writing for kpop, using #kpop imagines or #kpop fanfiction is probably too broad of a tag, and you should focus more on the group/people you write about. so maybe try #the boyz imagines or #the boyz fake texts instead of #kpop imagines.

find mutuals/blogs whose work you like

i say this almost every time someone asks me for advice but it’s so important! make some friends who like to write! it helps you to be motivated to write as well, and you can find writing that inspires and excites you. plus, figuring out what you like to read can sometimes help you figure out what you want to write.

and if it doesn’t inspire you (which i doubt), then at least you’ll have mutuals/friends who will make you feel more connected to the writing community here on tumblr. i’ll be your first mutual if you’d like! 💗

get really familiar with the format of tumblr

this is important so that you can make your writing stand out, like i’m going to discuss in the next point. understand what you need to do to add pictures to your posts, make text bigger/bolder/smaller/colourful, add paragraph breaks, tag other accounts, and anything else you might need.

make your stories stand out

make your titles interesting and eye-catching! use pretty banners or pictures to showcase the vibe of your story! make a collage, gif or visually appealing edit!

even though, as a writer i understand that visuals don’t depict how good or well-written a story is, it definitely catches my eye as a reader and determines whether i give something a read or not while scrolling through the endless amount of writing here on tumblr

so make it stand out visually and do something that captures people’s attention so that it doesn’t get lost in a sea of posts

join writing networks

i personally am not in any writing networks, but they exist for almost any fandom here on tumblr! especially for kpop, there are sometimes multiple networks for each group. a network is essentially a few admins who go through the tags of the group they are a network for and promote the members’ writing! some networks, like deobiwritersnet are so lovely and promote writers who aren’t in their network as well.

i think this would be a great way to get more exposure, and it could help with making mutuals since networks often have discord or other groups to chat with members

(edit: I have joined several writing networks since posting this and they are an absolute treasure!!! they support writers and boost our writing, you really can’t lose by joining)

write at your own pace

don’t make a writing schedule you can’t keep to if it means your writing suffers. i used to try to post fics on a schedule and it made my writing rushed and sloppy. stick to your own schedule, or don’t make a schedule at all! either way, don’t feel pressured to put out a lot of content because other people work faster or post more often than you

only post things that you're happy with

it’s not worth it to post something you don’t really like and then spend a lot of time thinking about how you don’t like it but it’s already up so you can’t change anything, or posting things you don’t think represent your skills/abilities just to have content. this kind of goes back to the previous point, but don’t be swayed by what other people are doing! if something takes a year before you think it’s ready to post, then take a year to post it! that way, you’ll be happy with it and proud when you post it

i hope any of this helped you! let me know if you need anything else x

[kittae]

I really want to post my fanfics and I worked super hard on all of them but I’m scared to do it because I see too many imperfections so I chicken out. Is there any advice you’d give to a new writer. Your works are amazing and accounts like you inspired me to delve into my own creativity so any sort of tip would help. Sorry to bother but I just need a little extra confidence. :)

Hi! How exciting you’ve started to create your own fanfics, that’s awesome! I feel honoured my work could inspire you!! Many years ago I worried about the same thing, but then i basically said “fuck it” and i honestly didn’t care about notes or following, I just wanted a place to dump my 1k smut scribbles lol. Was my work any good back then? hell no lol, but I improved the more I wrote, the more i read other works and took inspiration from different writing styles of the writers i admired until i somehow managed to develop my own! I am still learning and improving every time i write a new piece. Tips under the cut because i have a lot to tell you!

So the best tips i can give you are: Have fun, do it for yourself and don’t care about anything else! Any kind of support or nice feedback is definitely a plus but it can take some time before you’ll see any of that and there will be times you’ll question whether or not you’re good enough because feedback has gone dry quite a lot on this platform, but don’t take it to heart and just enjoy writing! Just post them and maybe log out of the app for a while afterwards if you’re too anxious or worried! You’re creating and sharing your creativity for free and that’s a wonderful thing. 

Another thing when you’re starting out is to keep it manageable for yourself. Don’t try to take on more than you can handle, just take it easy and do what you can, don’t feel pressured to pump out a 10k fic in one sitting lol. I’m still not very good at writing longer fics so i usually just do smaller works so i can actually finish them. But everyone’s different!

It might be a good idea to post your works on other platforms too if that’s something that sounds good to you, each platform comes with its own unique audience and you’ll figure out what feels best for you along the road! Some of those are: archive of our own (ao3), wattpad (very interactive reader base but beware of the immaturity and pressuring for updates from the readers and sometimes toxic environment/plagiarism), Inkitt (mostly original works on there but fanfiction gets some traction as well!).

If you’re someone who can write quite a lot, i recommend putting up a posting schedule so your readers know when they can expect a new chapter/fic from you and it really helps to keep your blog active! I never did that but i did take requests from readers back then, so i just posted small blurbs per request and that also worked really well to build some traction. Don’t feel obligated to do any of those things tho! The more you write, the more you’ll see what works for you and what doesn’t, just try out different things!

If you don’t know what to write, ask the audience! Doing requests or writing games really helped me a lot when i just started out. Make sure to tag your fics according to its content, that’s very important to be found by the right people. The first 5 tags are the most important, so make sure you have things like ‘bts’ ‘bts fanfiction’ ‘jin fanfic’ ‘kim seokjin’ etc in there. Don’t spam your tags with unrelated stuff or groups that are not in the fanfic, that’ll anger people and ruin the tag. 

And lastly, make your blog easy to navigate. Do some research on HTML coding so you can put links in your bio and make a structured masterlist so your readers can find your fics easily. I’ve also noticed readers are more inclined to read fics with a nice header on top of the post, you can easily make those in the picture editor Canva! I recommend putting your handle on the header as well as some kind of watermark and so people remember your name better.

hope this helped! Feel free to message me anytime if you have some more questions about starting out! I know it can be scary, but it’s really liberating when you can express yourself through your writing! xx

[soahappylowman]

Boundaries ch. 7 (Happy Lowman)

Summary: Happy’s in charge of protecting a camgirl from Diosa Words: 2702, yikes (don’t get use to this, i suck) Warning: There is talk about sexual assault, and mild sexually suggestiveness Notes: bruuuuhhhh, I am SO SORRY, and I know that doesn’t mean much because y’all waited... months. I’m so sorry, between pandemic and work, I had some personal things happen and I had to move. I usually like to stay a chapter ahead and I’ve just been too demotivated to write. I’m going to put more effort into writing again, but at a manageable pace. I’m so sorry about any errors or pacing problems, I’m still working through it. I think my goal is to release the whole thing, then go back and edit. I really appreciate some of the love shown recently, and those that stuck around. If you want in on the tag list, lmk. 

----

Happy didn’t follow Tessa right away. Instead, he was staring at the spot that she was just standing, confused. He wasn’t sure why but that whole exchanged seemed like a betrayal. He shouldn’t feel like that, he didn’t know Tessa all that well, let alone had any loyalty to her. Happy frowned deeper, but decided to leave this subject behind him, even if his hand was tingling from where she was holding it.

When he finally came out to the parking lot, Tessa was just reaching his bike. She was rocking back and forth in her cowgirl boots and her arms crossed over her chest. The golden sun hour reflected across her long hair, illuminating the deep red hints in her hair. Happy sighed deeply, again feeling conflicted.

“Where are we going?” Tessa didn’t look at him as she addressed him.

“Don’t have a plan.” Happy approached the bike and picked up the helmet for Tessa.

“Well, I haven’t eaten all day. We can go to a little coffee shop in Lodi I tend to frequent.” Tessa grabbed his helmet from his hand and then mounted the back of the bike behind him. Happy simply nodded.

“Tell me where to go.” Tessa settled in behind him, although Happy noticed she didn’t sit as close as the first time she got on his bike, he tried not to be disappointed.

-----

Happy held out a hand for her to dismount, even though she definitely knew how as he’s seen her do it a couple times already. He tried not to feel so self-satisfied when she grabbed onto his hand anyways.

Happy looked up at the establishment in front of him and nearly groaned. He should’ve thought about letting her pick a place for them, but he didn’t and now he’s sitting in front of some girly ass coffee shop. He tried not to roll his eyes as Tessa excitedly bounced into the building.

Walking into the building was no better either. The color palette included pastel purple, pink and blue. Happy felt beyond out of place, but didn’t say anything as Tessa approached the counter. Happy got to appreciate her once again as she lifted her hips onto the counter and bent forward, looking for a worker. In a flash, Happy imagine what it would be like if she were    naked and he bent her over the counter, wrapped her long hair around his fingers as he – nope. Stop. This isn’t what he came here for. He definitely needed to get laid tonight. Still, Happy could appreciate what a good body looked like. He could feel his dick twitch in his pants.

Pretty soon, the distraction he needed came in form of a young man coming from the back room.

“Hey, welcome to – Tessa? Oh my god, where have you been?” Happy’s eyes narrowed at the man that approached Tessa with enthusiasm. He looked to be about Tessa’s age, hair a deep brown with it shorter on the sides than on the top. Approximately 5’11”, lean, slightly muscular but those muscles were for show, Happy could tell. Happy could take him.

“Hey Steve,” Tessa sent him a small smile. Steve leaned forward at the counter to touch Tessa’s arm and she instinctively stepped back and towards Happy. Happy put a hand on her hip in response to her leaning back towards him. At Tessa’s movement, Steve stopped leaning forward and stepped back behind the counter, eyes snapping down to the hand Happy had possessively on her hip. Steve’s face donned a frown, but in an second, it was gone.

“How are you? It’s good to see you.” Steve held a small smile directed towards Tessa.

“I’m good, thanks for asking. Sorry I’ve been a little MIA, I’ve been busy. Can I get my usual please?” Tessa shot him a grin, like there was an inside joke added to that. Steve shot her a widened, sly smile back. Happy noted the distinct lack of acknowledge from Steve and felt a familiar feeling of irritation crawl up his spine.

“Coming right up,” Steve turned to start whatever order was Tessa’s ‘usual’.

“Wait, Happy did you want anything?” Tessa turned into Happy’s arm, the image they projected was much more intimate than what they actually were with Tessa tucked up under his arm wrapped protectively in his embrace and her looking up at him innocently. Happy knew that this wasn’t her intention but he still felt a deeper level of satisfaction at the dark look Steve shot towards the biker. Happy had to keep a smirk off his face. Happy was competitive by nature, it wasn’t his fault that this felt like a win to him.

“Just a black coffee and whatever she’s gettin’,” Happy reached into his pocket and pulled a twenty out of a large stack of bills, throwing it onto the counter without looking away from Steve. “Will that cover it?” Happy really just said that to rub it in, he figured that whatever they were getting wasn’t going to exceed that.

“Wait, Happy, are you sure? I can pay.” Tessa was looking up at him again, and for a second he forgot about Steve.

“Don’t worry about it, little girl. Go sit down.” Happy tapped her hip as she smiled up at him and turned to find a booth in the corner of the boutique coffeeshop.

“Keep the change,” Happy didn’t try to fight off the smirk this time as he turned and headed to the booth with Tessa already occupying.

“Thanks for buying,” Tessa shot him another grin, but all Happy did was grunt. Two steps forward, five steps back.

“How long ago did this stalking thing start?” Tessa sighed deeply, hoping they wouldn’t have to jump right into this but that didn’t appear to be on Happy’s agenda.

“About a month, maybe a month and half ago. If we’re considering the comments as the start. Again, it was just comments that were a little obscure from the same username that eventually progressed to things that involved personal info. Then they became violent, talking about what he would do to my body but in more, ah, specific details. Didn’t matter if I deleted his comments or blocked his account. He’ll make a new one and he’ll spam me. He would comment on video after video. About a week ago I went to leave my apartment to get help and there was a note on my car. Then I didn’t leave for 5 more days. You were around for the rest.” Tessa’s arms were crossed over her chest, subconsciously rubbing against themselves.

“Where do you spend most of your time?” Tessa took another deep breath.

“I don’t really go anywhere but Diosa and my apartment. I like to come here but I don’t really go anywhere else. I’m kind of a homebody.” Happy’s eyes slid to Steve making Tessa’s drink.

“How do you know this guy?” Happy’s head inclined towards the barista.

“Who, Steve? Actually, we met in college. I didn’t finish and I don’t talk to anyone else who I met there. Steve’s one of my only friends to be honest, kind of sad.” Tessa let out a weak chuckle.

“Why didn’t you finish school?” Happy threw an arm over the back of the booth, epitome of casual.

Tessa took a deep breath, unsure of how to proceed. She’s typically a private person and she didn’t see how much of this even pertained to what Happy needed.

“I needed to pay my bills and my college kicked me out for being a camgirl. Bad press or something.” Tessa didn’t look him in the eye when she said this, she was a terrible liar.

“Don’t lie to me,” his voice came out harsh and viper sharp. Tessa snapped up to look at him.

“I’m not,” it was weak coming out of her mouth. Tessa knew she’d been made but she couldn’t bring herself to tell Happy. “Look, it’s not that simple.”

Happy took a long look at Tessa, surveying the tiny woman in front of him. Her body language screamed uncomfortable.

“Look, I’m sure you don’t wanna tell me what happened but it might help me find the guy doing this.” Tessa shook her head.

“I don’t want this to be everyone’s business.” Tessa lifted her eyes to Happy, hoping to convey the importance of this to her.

“Only those who need to know.” Happy didn’t mention that it would likely being the whole club if it was important information, but he would be the one to determine that.

“I was a camgirl since freshman year, my dad is dead and my mom split when I was a baby. I had to put myself through college. However, it only became a problem for my school when they found out junior year after I was sexually assaulted at a frat party.” Tessa didn’t look at Happy, who didn’t say anything, waiting for Tessa to elaborate.

“I went to think party with my friends, and usually I’m careful with my drinks but I must’ve not been as careful as I thought. I blacked out, I have no idea what happened. Steve found me in the backyard stuffed into a bush with no pants on. I had bruises all over me and a broken rib. Other than the lack of pants, the severe pain that I felt… down there let know that I didn’t just party too hard.” Tessa began to rub her head, a tension headache arising.

“Steve helped me to the ER where a rape kit and toxicology report told me what I already knew, someone had slipped me a roofie and then when I blacked out took whatever he felt like from me. I brought the case to the authorities on campus but because I didn’t know who did it, they wouldn’t even investigate it. A week later, a local journalist got hold of the story about how a college campus let another sexual assault go unchecked and published. The catch was that my work as a camgirl came out with that. The school released me from their programming, stating that my ‘extracurricular activities’ didn’t align with their code of conduct and I was kicked out. The truth is that they were afraid of the PR that would come with a camgirl getting raped at a frat party. You know, all that “well she’s a sex worker, she was asking for it” argument wasn’t something that they wanted to attach to their name.” Tessa shrugged as she recanted the story for Happy. Happy didn’t look all that affected by what she said and to be fair, she was relieved. She didn’t want to deal with the pity involved or the false angry people felt for her.

“When I left the school, Steve was the only one who stuck with me. The friends that I went to the party with acted like I was asking for and that it was my choice to wake up like that in the bushes. Many of them were dating or friends with the guys in the frat who threw the party and kept telling me that none of the guys in the frat would do that, they were ‘nice guys’”, Tessa used air quotes. “So I found an apartment for cheap in Lodi and after a few months of solo work, Diosa found me and cut a contract for me. Best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Happy didn’t let on to how he felt, although he had the sensation of bugs crawling all over him. He could see that this is clearly where her boundary problems came from. To think that you’re investing money into your education and they don’t even have the decency to protect you? They had no problem taking her money from her work but god forbid they treat her like a human. Happy fought off a frown, not wanting to let her know how bothered he was. First, she gets assaulted on campus, then she gets kicked out and now this asshole is literally stalking her. Happy didn’t get men. No pussy was better than willing pussy, and to put someone like her through it all to get your dick wet seemed like… too much work. He could appreciate that she was a very attractive woman, don’t get him wrong. If the opportunity presented itself, he would absolutely let her ride his cock towards her own Kingdom Come, but that didn’t excuse the behavior of the men treating her like this. Still, Happy didn’t feel pity for the woman. Tessa seemed to come out of her previous experience with her humor and strength intact. He saw the way she pulled herself together after finding her apartment a mess and her cat dead. Sitting with her now, Happy didn’t see a single trace of her hardships. He briefly wondered if she just managed to cope through it all, or if she was bottling it all up. In the end it doesn’t matter, what’s done was done, and Happy would do what he would do and make this asshole who thought that he could own her disappear and he would do it gladly.

“Do you have any idea who the guy was?” Tessa looked up at Happy, shaking her head.

“Honestly? Not a clue. To be honest, it’s something that I left behind and I don’t even care who the guy was. Everything about the situation makes my skin crawl and there’s more than one perpetrator here. The college is at fault too.” Happy nodded his head.

“What was the name of the frat?” Tessa thought for a second.

“Alpha Phi? I don’t really know, Greek life wasn’t for me and I didn’t really spend a lot of time there. I didn’t know many of the members and it happened over a year ago now. About two.” Happy nodded again.

In that moment, Steve arrived with plates of their food and the coffees. Happy’s plain black coffee was placed sloppily in front of him, and a drink in a mug with a mountain of whip cream was placed in front of Tessa.

Happy lifted an eyebrow at Tessa, who smiled sleeplessly at Happy. Happy didn’t acknowledge Steve as he placed the food down and a water for Tessa.

“Thanks, Stevie,” Tessa shot him a bright smile.

“Anything for you, Tess,” Steve lingered a second, but one look at Happy and he turned and went back behind the counter, leaving the pair to their coffee and sandwiches.

“Got enough coffee with that pile of whip cream, Tessa?” Happy had a smirk on his face. Tessa’s eyes bore right into Happy’s. Without saying a word, she gathered her hair in one hand on the side of her and leaned down. Happy’s dick twitched again as he watched her little pink tongue sneak out of her mouth to gather up a sizeable bite of the white cream, all while Tessa maintained her eye contact with Happy. Happy’s tongue came out to coat his bottom lip in response, a smirk still plastered on his face. Instantly Happy was brought back to the imagery from earlier, Tessa’s hair wrapped around his fist, hands on her hip, bent over the counter as he slammed into her. This time, the image returned tenfold and with Steve at the counter watching him do it.

Tessa leaned up, and for a second relished the sexual tension in the room. She enjoyed being sexy, she enjoyed being desired. She really enjoyed the look on Happy’s face and the fact that in that moment, he desired her. All thoughts of the woman from the clubhouse had momentarily vanished.

Without warning, Tessa let out a giggle. She wasn’t even sure what she was giggling at, maybe the tension getting to her.

“Oh please, don’t let me stop you.” Happy gestured to the cup of whip creamed coffee. Tessa grabbed the wrapper from her straw and tossed it at Happy, who easily batted it away.

“Shut up,” Tessa was rolling her eyes at Happy, but she felt genuinely at easy. Laughter still stuck on her tongue like the cream and a sly smile playing on her lips.

taglist:

@geeksareunique

[asd-n-me]

so I’ve been trying to figure out what disorder I have for years and recently I learned about autism. (I think it’s grossly over stereotyped because I thought it was weird until I looked it up) and it describes me for the most part. I stim when happy like the flapping. I have sensitivity to textures. Executive dysfunction is very real. I get distracted easily and motivation is so hard to come by. I have small routines rather then large ones. Your account has been really helpful in this process

Pt2 but I’m nervous that I’m just trying to fit a box.Like my social skills are horrible but I speak and understand sarcasm. I don’t get sensory overloaded but i hyperfixate on things. I have a special interest(s) on weird things but I also like things in the “normal way” I stim a lot and have weird mood fluctuations that I try to keep down so no one asks or sets me off.But I’m almost 18 and there should have been a earlier signs?Idk do you think it’s possible Or am I just trying too hard to fit

I am sorry my response is a little late, I’ve been having technical troubles but I am back. 

Friend, I am so glad that you find my account helpful because that is always my goal. 

I have always disliked people asking these things in asks, just because I know the typing is limited so it’s hard to describe all your experiences in 500 spaces or less. 

Hyperfixation, executive dysfunction, distractability, mood fluctuation, and some stimming and sensitivities can be seen in our ADHD cousins. I’m sure you are aware of that already. 

1.That being said, if you’re just discovering your autistic traits recently I am sure you are missing earlier signs that you haven’t even put together yet. That doesn’t mean they aren’t there. 

Not to mention the fact that, “high-functioning” considered individuals tend to be able to somewhat handle things in their youth, but start breaking down as they excel in age. 

2. You do not have to have sensory overloads to be autistic. Many autistics are adept at self-regulation and can for the most part avoid overload. 

But I hope you realize you do not have to meltdown or shutdown to be in overload. If a sound or texture or anything else sensory related has ever had you afraid you might yell at someone, scream into the abyss, or had you white knuckling the table or breaking a pencil or ripping paper to keep your cool etc. than you have suffered the effects of sensory overwhelming you. 

If the last thought in your head is, “how did i manage to not lose my shit?” It’s because you were being overwhelmed. 

3. No need to differentiate between little and small routines, if you’ve been on my blog you know I am a big supporter of people who experience small routines. You are no less. 

4. Plenty of autistics understand sarcasm and use it frequently. It doesn’t somehow disqualify you despite what certain Neurotyicals think. Late diagnosis autistics often manage certain aspects of socializing with their deficiencies written off as being awkward or quirky. 

Something to think about as well. A. did you always understand sarcasm? B. how much sarcasm do you not realize you are missing? 

I live in a sarcastic household, we use sarcasm constantly, but there are still times I don’t realize someone is being sarcastic and no one explains it. I have felt very proficient in sarcasm my whole life, but I was quite surprised to find out how much I was still missing. Not saying that’s your story, but it is something to think about. 

5. Now that I’ve been talking forever, sorry for that, there are always some earlier signs of autism because it is a lifetime disorder, however that doesn’t mean people around you or even yourself will notice them. 

Don’t stop looking into autism. If it resonates with you look deeper. When I first read about autism I didn’t think it was me at all. You’d think that would be ridiculous and that I should have seen myself immediately but I didn’t. It wasn’t fancy articles and informational videos that helped me see it either, although they helped, it was through the experiences of other autistic POV. 

I can post somethings about recognizing earlier signs or autism soon, I would recommend for now watching the video I posted about being a teenage aspie, neurowonderful and invisible I are good youtubes for learning about autism. Neurowonderful is more informative and invisible I is a little less accurate but fairly relatable. 

A good blog to look into on tumblr is asdmemory tagged #ASDmemory because they talk a lot about childhood autistic memories. undiagnosedautismfeels is off track of its real intentions, which I know drives the admin nuts, but has stories of before they knew they were autistic. 

Save the things that resonate with you, write em in a book, whatever you want. I wish you well in your journey to self discovery and no friend, I don’t think your are just trying to fit it. I think you are trying discover who you are. <3

(if you still have questions feel free to hit the ask box again i will answer, if you’d like to talk more please don’t be afraid to send me a message. if you still prefer asks because of the anon feature than don’t be afraid to spam me with like 5 in a row. whatever helps you feel like you explained yourself. dont be afraid to ask the same question either if you didnt feel i answered it as it was intended.)

Have a great day! 

[kob131]

What do you feel about the post about Vic mignogna by ultraericthered

https://ultraericthered.tumblr.com/post/183990672385/im-sick-of-the-rangers-spamming-vics-tag-with

Let’s break this down.

Vic is absolutely guilty of inappropriate behavior, misconduct, sexual harassment, and possibly (just possibly) sexual assault towards others. This has been established by his pattern of behavior for years. Monica and the others are being entirely honest in their stories and the allegations are very likely honest as well. How this is even in question, I have no idea, but it upsets and disturbs me that there are so many who are quick to jump to Vic’s defense while simultaneously vilifying his opponents and accusers (and possibly victims).

A, He hasn’t been proven guilty of exual harassment OR assault and inapporiate behavior means nothing.

And B. yeah, no. Monica has been lying via omission for months now, refusing to give ANY details on any incidents DESPITE the fact that those details are REQUIRED to convict him. And before you say she’s scared: she’s openly threatened vic supporters with legal action. Over asking her for info. That is not the behavior of an innocent person.

Oh and C. NOTHING came to light about Vic for MONTHS. The ProJared shit started and ended in the same month.

What gives credibility to the side of Monica Rial, Jamie Marchi, Jamie McGonnigal, Marzgurl, etc. is that not only do their words and allegations line up with accounts of Vic’s skeevy behavior towards fans and women that have been going around the internet for YEARS (It’s honestly astonishing just how far back some of this goes), but how many other VAs, people actually in the industry who might’ve worked alongside Vic and would be there to witness his actions, have come out in Vic’s defense? Can’t really think of much. Meanwhile, how many have been coming out in support of the alleged victims? Quite a handful, even J. Michael Tatum, himself a victim of sexual assault in the past. Apparently, Vic being a primadona and a skeevy womanizing creeper has been an open secret in the VA industry since forever.

And of these guys:

Monica has evaded legal action and refused to give details NECESSARY to convict him

Marzgurl has sactively ENOCURAGE VIOLENCE

And Jamie has been proven to bully people into dropping Vic from cons.

As for the ‘accounts”: they’re eitehr anonyomous accounts, too old to prove...or taken out of context of the people involed.

And by the way. how many famous people probably came out and said ‘that guy’s a commie’ back during the Red Scare? People coming out to help doesn’t MEAN anything without proof. People in the wrong can still come out in droves. And if that doesn’t convince: does that mean rape victims who don’t have public support while their rapists DO are the ones in the wrong then? Same logic of ‘One party has more public support than the other, therefore they’re right.’

What’s damning on Vic’s side of things? Well not only was a thorough investigation into the sexual harassment allegations conducted during the time of the Broly movie’s production prior to Funimation’s decision to lay Vic off (something his fans don’t even seem to realize happened) -

You mean the one where they didn’t give any info and was probably a ‘cut off the controversial figure for profit’ decision?

- but Vic’s response to the whole situation has…just not been how I think an absolutely innocent man getting his career and livelihood threatened by accusation of things he absolutely never did and would never do would respond. Vic’s been pretty sincere and professional throughout this and I give him props for that, but his “defenses” against the allegations have always been along the lines of “I remember things differently” or “I didn’t realize she felt that way - I thought that thing we had was consensual and mutual.” Of course he’s not going to recall those incidents as being ones where he committed sex offenses because he did not see his actions as being such when he committed them. He fails to recognize how and why his behavior is so wrong. He doesn’t knowingly think of himself as a sex fiend and harasser when he acts that way - he really thinks he’s being nice (backed up by the allegation where he repeatedly asked his victim to “let me be sweet to you.”). But those moments were not consensual. The girls and women he touched or romanced were not comfortable with it.-

And Monica has threatened legal action and Marzgurl thretaened PHYSICAL VIOLENCE.

You wanna judge this based on public reaction? Show me where Vic threatens anyone who questions him.

What his intentions were at the time don’t matter when put next against how his victims internalized his actions and how they were made to feel -

No, intentions DO matter. That’s why ‘self defense’ and ‘murder’ are different concepts.

And on top of that, look at how Monica Rial worded her own account:

This, by contrast, is Vic’s wording of his side of things. He “got lazy.” He’s “a work in progress like everyone else.” And my personal favorite: “Voice actors are no different from you: we’re bozos. We’re all dumb humans just trying to do our best.” The emotions are sincere, but the words are unrefined and a bit try-hard in trying to paint a sympathetic image of himself.

And Monica, by your own standards, is trying to appeal to basic human empathy to trick people into believing her. Thing is, Vic is consistent in his actions. Monica has acted contradictory MANY times.

And what’s damning on the side of Vic’s fans and defenders? Well, I could not help but notice that they can be found all over Youtube, hive of the Far Right that it’s become-

Strike 1.

I also could not help but notice that whenever I clicked a video made for supporting Vic and tearing down his opposition and accusers (who, again, could very well be his victims), it was literally ALWAYS a dude speaking.

Strike 2.

It was always some man speaking in defense of this other man who he probably doesn’t even personally know in a situation he wasn’t there to experience and knows next to shit about, and demonizing “waamen” that he also doesn’t personally know. And in all of this, I have not once seen any valid reasoning for why Vic absolutely must be innocent of the allegations made against him other than “he’s a super popular, charming, beloved VA” and “he seems like such a nice guy”. It’s frankly quite terrifying that the immediate default for these people is to stand with the popular, prolific, powerful man (and I don’t want to be an SJW here, but that Vic is handsome, white, straight/cis, and Christian might be a huge part of it

Strike 3-

Not only is this gonna EMBOLDEN the assholes on Vic’s side-

But Monica’s defenders (like YOU) have focused on gender and bullshit instead of anything FACTUAL. You act like anyone whose accused of sexual assault is IMMEDIATELY guilty if the accuser is a woman and teh accused is a man. Never mind how most of these accusations come down to simple miscommunication between the parties and nevermind how if a guy tries coming to the police about being raped, it’s likely HE’LL be arrested. Let alone what happens if the woman gets pregnant and can sue for child support...even if she committed STATUTORY RAPE.

Oh, and Vic’s italian and that culture is very touchy feely. So guess what? You’re racist by your own logic.

and denounce the women who come forward to accuse him as being liars because this is exactly why women who are victimized by men of such power and popularity tend to NOT come forward with stories of their victimization immediately after it happens. Yes, anyone is innocent until proven guilty in a court of law, but that doesn’t mean the accusers should be denounced as liars and demonized for daring to mess with the man - they ought to be shown support and respect IF in the case what they say is true and they really were hurt by that man. If they’re proven liars beyond any doubt, THEN they can be given well deserved scorn. But brushing them off beforehand is Not OK. Especially if it’s with conspiracy theories about how this is some big coordinated feminist effort to tear down a great man and destroy his livelihood, or it’s a retaliation from yaoi fangirls who hate that Vic dares to be anti-yaoi and Conservative in regards to gay people.

And yet you condemn Vic before he is proven to be lying.

Sorry, either condemn yourself or be better.

These assclowns have also constantly resorted to the defense of “Oh, hugging other people and kissing them in places not on the lips totes isn’t sexual harassment”. Totally ignoring the little details of the girls getting the hugs typically being total strangers to Vic outside of being fans of his work who are thus underage girls being touched by a grown man who has absolutely no relation to them, that he might have done the same with female co-workers behind the scenes, and that he has done these things on a whim, without the recipient’s consent and without paying any mind to how it might make them feel.

Also ignoring if they give consent like that time someone tried portraying Vic touching a supposedly underage girl only to BACKFIRE as the womana spoke out in defense of the man.

This has been a consistent pattern of behavior with him,

Consistently unproven.

and allegedly, he’s justified it with saying “silence gives consent.” Like a girl or woman absolutely has to verbally say “no” or tell him outright that he’s making them feel uncomfortable for it to be considered wrong and unwarranted. Basically “a lack of a No makes it a Yes.” I can’t begin to describe how gross that is.

So Vic has to be a fucking MINDREADER or else.

Great to know, especially considering how my own condition would make this shit damn near impossible to see.

The worst part is how these IStandWithVic cultists demonize Monica Rial. A woman who, by her own admission, was a victim of rape as a teenager.

Says the man who demonizes Vic.

A woman who has shown nothing but emotional and intellectual honesty and kindness on social media, who has acknowledged that even Vic and his fans don’t deserve to be harassed and hurt, to the point of stating this:

https://twitter.com/Rialisms/status/1095156641543192576

Funny how she says this TWO DAYS LATER than your picture.

But she’s both painted as a vicious liar who’s out to destroy a good, innocent man’s life and career, and is ALWAYS being written off by these dudes as just “the VA for Bulma.” As though she’s had no other notable roles in her long career of voice acting aside from that one character (as opposed to the oh-so talented, versatile and legendary star that is Vic). As though that character has had only one English VA. As though Monica just plain doesn’t matter when put next to a fellow VA in the industry who happens to be a handsome white, straight/cis, Christian male.

Keep being a bigoted douchebag, I can hear the alt RIght cumming.

And as though Monica had any feasible reason to lie about her experiences with Vic and assassinate his character on social media.

*points at you and your blind defense of her*

the pro-Vic crowd seems to think she’s greedy or jealous or just resentful towards Vic as a person, and is out to get him so that she can get money or respect or more roles or petty revenge or whatever.

Literally change ‘vic’ to ‘monica and that’d describe you.

But if that were really the case, how does that account for the friends and family who support her claims? How does it account for the fellow VAs (Jamie Marchi, Jamie McGonnigal, J. Micahel Tatum, Josh Grelle, Justin Briner, Daman Mills) who’ve all supported her claims and have said “Yeah, Vic’s been like that forever.

‘Get social brownie points’

How does it account for the fans and congoers who have been sharing their stories of uncomfortable experiences and encounters they’ve had with Vic FOR YEARS?

‘Stories’ are not truth.

The deck is NOT stacked in Vic’s favor here, so “he’s successful, popular, funny, friendly, charming, talented and a classic VA who’s so well loved in the anime community” is NOT going to cut it as an assumption of his innocence or a defense for his character.

No, that’s the legal system that says ‘innocent until proven guilty.’

He needs to be held accountable for his misdemeanors against people who gave no consent to being touched, hugged, kissed, stalked, romanced, or squicked out by him.

And yet Monica threatening legal action and Marzgurl making THREATS OF VIOLENCE? A-Ok.

It’s a Michael Jackson type of situation - even if he’s NOT done the things he’s being accused of, that does NOT make his creepy behavior towards underage fangirls excusable or alright.

Funny thing about Micheal Jackson-

The accusations, when you actually pay attention, are complete bullshit. Events don’t line up, accounts vary wildly, facts contradict stories. And yet he STILL suffered until the day he died and BEYOND. So thanks for remindidng why, as much as I hate Yellow Flash, Hero Hei and Nick Riekta-

You idiots are the worse evil.

Tl;dr: I shall from now on be referring to this VA as “Vic Cosby Mignogna.” ‘Cause even if he’s not guilty of the heinous shit that Bill Cosby is guilty of, his case is still all too eerily similar.

#IStandWithMonica

So does that mean if I call Monica ‘Monikkka’- She’s a KKK member now?

Oh wait, you wouldn’t give two shits if the places were reversed would you? For your cry of ‘I’m not an SJW!’- You sure do sound like the fucking strawman it represents.

[dcarhcarts]

What’s your OTP for your Muse(s)

Call it a copout but I don’t want to list cause it will.......be v v long but in general any canon ships, also Muse x Happiness

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

Pretty much everything up to explicit NSFW. I will take fade to blacks.  The caveat being that EVERYTHING IS COMMUNICATED. Please don’t spring a fade to black/random pregnancy/a massive breakup/idk whatever else on me without talking to me first?? I don’t mind horribly if the relationship is a little toxic....but like, intentionally. Like we both know that it’s toxic and we’re actively wriitng it toxically in an interesting...way? 

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

I think....more than 8? My grandparents are 8 years apart so personally for me this is the largest age gap I know a couple to have. Obviously, that age gap being not uncomfortable is always dependent on the fact that both muses are of age. Shipping an underage character with an adult is just....no thnx.

Are you selective when shipping?

Yes and no. This is a trick answer. On the one hand I’m not and on the other hand I am? I get the ship feels very fast if our interaction/plotting sparks the Chemistry Feel, but also the Chemistry Feel is very specific and if I don’t feel it, I don’t feel it. IDK if that’s selectivity or just......normal shipping. 

And then there’s also the fact that in general if our muses have a canon relationship, odds are that I probably ship them and want to write shippy stuff. B u t the kicker with all of that is that I don’t like shipping with someone just based off a canon connection bc there is every possibility that I will figure out later on that our portrayals don’t mesh very well or that I don’t actually have the Chemistry Feel from between our muses during the interaction, and I like...I never want to ship for the sake of having the ship? So like.....always talk to me first. Some plotting or interaction would be Best before we decide if shipping can happen.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

When clothes start coming off or when That Kind of Touching (tm) starts happening. That’s where I’d like a fade to black thnx haha no sexual NSFW on this blog pls thnx.

Who are other muses you ship your muse with?

Hi is this where I LOVE ALL MY SHIP PARTNERS cause here i come. if i missed anyone it’s honestly cause i just got off a 4 hour shift of nothing but leaving answering machine messages and my brain is mush.

@personnages I’m only tagging one blog so I don’t spam the hell out of you but bUDDY PAL WE PLAY SHIP ROULETTE SO MUCH. There are so many that if I put all of them I’ll probably lose my place and cry but my favorites include: Pierre/Marya, Sonya/Andrei, Cass/Anya, plus you be the OG mr. darcy to my lizzie / OG andrei to my pierretasha so like!!!! legendary!!

@gcneralvaganov my partner in crime re: Glenya, Glima, and Glimya. You’re?? actually the 8th wonder in the world??? and I love you??? 

@skylarkmuses IN THIS HOUSE WE STAN SUSAN/TARAN. SURAN???? TASAN???? ANYWAY WE STAN. Just. I love them. They temper each other perfectly. ALso Im yelling about the mcfreaking Anya/Death Angel and we haven’t even really gotten shippy in thread

@outofthelight / @slackerphilosopher The Evan to my Zoe, the Henry to my Natalie <3 love ya Callie. love that we agree that our kids deserve i n f i n t e softness.

@starblcssd a sAINT AND MY SAVING GRACE WHO ADDED DIMA AFTER FIVE YEARS OF ME CRYING ON THE TAG. Like everyone else you write, your Dima?? may as well have just walked off the stage and straight into these posts.

@moretreasurewithin aNOTHER SAINT WHO PLAYS DIMA AND S O WELL I LOVE YOU and all our threads. I love how our Dimya ship has a bit more taste of the animated movie to it!!

@anastcsie what would dima be w/o *john mulaney voice* HIS WIFE??????? look dima is basically ned from the try guys with how much he talks/thinks about his wife probably. 

@spareisms  Dima adores???? the squishiest princess. Anna’s his sunshine, that’s it, thank you.

@tsvxtok while we’re on the topic of people dima adores.....Dima would literally die for Senya ok??? it’s established c a n o n facts. not that you’re going to let him die, but I can try, can’t I? lololol

@soulcrossed tHE SOPHIE TO MY HOWL. THE MICHAEL TO MY MARTHA. AND HOPEFULLY, IF I HECKLE YOU ENOUGH, THE BEN TO MY LETTIE. in any case, you’re brilliant, I love that we’re literally the entire hmc rpc, and i’m so soft for all our kids???

Does one have to ask to ship with you?

Yes. Please. Even if it’s a canon ship that you know explicitly I ship, honestly.  Please always ask. If you’re too shy to ask, send me an ask with “<3?” or smth, and I ‘ l l take it upon myself to hop into your IMs and guess which ship we might want to talk about until I get it right. 99% of the time I’ll say yes, but it’s just 1) good manners 2) good to let me know? because sometimes we’re writing something vaguely shippy but I would just like the verbal confirmation? it’s almost like my muse poking yours and being like “so are we dating now” except it’s me poking you and being like “are we shipping now??” 

And also sometimes our muses have clear chemistry but I have Hard Lines on how I ship with that muse (i.e.....Anatole). Or sometimes I don’t really want to ship, and your muse might just have to have unrequited feelings.

How often do you like to ship?

I am a l w a y s onboard when there’s chemistry. If my muse is making heart eyes obviously I can’t stop them lmao. Likewise if they’re really not feeling it....sorry nah.

Are you multiship?

Y e p. Multimuse, Multifandom, h e l l a multiship. 

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

I’m not ship-obsessed but I think ships are fun, and I would like ships for my muses. I spent a long time doing rp like...avoiding ships, bc they were generally not a part of the rp experience that I really enjoyed, based on past experience? But now I’ve got the Most Wonderful Ship Partners and while I don’t n e e d ships, I know that I want them! 

What is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

"Current fandom” lmao who is that????? How do I pick out of my 1701 fandoms?? I mean........I’ve been looking at a l o t of Kastle edits lately....sooooo that? I’m also catching up on my Punisher sooooo.

Finally, how does one ship with you?

COMMUNICATION!! Plotting! You can skip the initial interaction thread and hop straight into my IMs/Discord if you want, but plotting is the most important element I can think of when it comes to shipping with me. Always let me know what’s going on. Always build on our character relationships. And like..........tell me outright if you wanna ship!!  

tagged by: @skylarkmuses

tagging: .....uhhh whoever wants to I guess, this thing got v long and i don’t wanna accidentally put pressure on anyone jfaskl;jflsadf

[ncumenia-archived]

📱MOBILE-FRIENDLY RULES📱

OTHER LINKS:

lore

bio

headcanons

exclusive ship list

Since English is not my mother language, I apologize in advance if there are some grammatical errors or I use wrong words to describe an action. If something is not clear to you, just let me know, I’ll fix it as soon as I can.

Roleplay Rules:

TAG DUMP HERE!; (NSFW too)

Mun&Muse are both 21+. This blog is selective, 18+ exclusive, canon divergent, duplicates crossover, AU, fandomless, etc… friendly!  

Besides the obvious fact I won't rp smut or ship with minor muns/muses whatsoever, do not follow me if you're underage. This because I feel uncomfortable interacting with minor muns due to the huge age gap that might be between us. (Mun is currently 25 as I write this) Please, don't take it too personally, it's just for my own comfort. Furthermore, if your rules and age (mun is 18+, mun is 23, mun is of age and so on...) are not present on your blog I won’t rp with you at all. Lying about your age will result into a permablock and reported. The same applies if you're underage or your age is not stated and you dare to interact in any kind of NSFW way with me (This also includes liking/commenting my nsfw posts or sending me nsfw asks)

I refuse to ship/interact with: aged up muses (Nunu, Annie, Zoe etc…) and only smut-oriented blogs since they both make me uncomfortable. So, please, if you’re one of these blogs do not follow me.

No godmodding. If our muses are fighting, I’d like to discuss first with the other mun, in order to avoid it as much as possible;

I don’t like “follow for following me back, and if you don’t follow me I’ll unfollow you“ philosophy because I find this kinda disrespectful. I’m also available to interact with you even if we’re not mutuals! Usually, the reasons why I unfollow you are these: spamming too much without using a proper tag, talking shit about other people here on tumblr, spreading useless drama or rumors, posting stuff that makes me uncomfortable or if I somehow assume you’re not interested to interact with me.DMS are always open for plotting!

Currently available verses: Canon, Odyssey, Modern/Academy, Bloodmoon, Deity Please, before interacting with my muse in one of these verses make sure to read the lore and, if something is not clear to you, dm me anytime!;

I’ll try to match length more or less, so don’t worry about that. And please, TAKE YOUR TIME to reply. I have a life too, so don’t worry I’m not the one who runs after others! I tend to easily forget threads, so if I didn’t reply to our thread for like a couple of days dm me!;

I do believe in reblog karma, it’s your choice to send me a meme, but please reblog it from the source and not from me if you don’t want to send me one. If you reblog a meme from me without sending me one for more than once, I’ll block you. I’m sorry about this rule, but after some time this becomes quite annoying;

Any kind of hate toward a nationality/gender/sexual orientation and so on will result in a report and permablock. I believe everyone should respect a person, regardless of their gender/ethnicity/sexual orientation. If you don’t, you’ll get permablocked. Period. The same goes for every kind of insult or anon hate toward me, a ship or a friend: not only you’ll be ignored, but, if it is necessary, I’ll report and permablock you.

This blog is against any kind of fake/unfounded rumors and drama. I'll only reblog callouts that provide evidence about the problematic individual, and mostly about extremely serious topics (like minor hunters, abusers or if someone who is seriously in danger) I'm not afraid to callout people if they have a problematic/gross behavior or if they support/justify problematic/disturbing/traumatic topics.

I won’t rp and tolerate extremely disturbing topics like incest, rape (non-con/dub-con as well), pedophilia, child/animal abuse, and similar. The same goes for every kind of ship where these themes are involved. Mentioning these topics during a thread is okay (For example if you’re talking about your muse’s past), but I’d rather talk with the mun first so we can plot things properly.

Any jokes about child death, rape, racism, disability, sexism and so on are not allowed here. If I see one of them, I may go to your dms and telling you that’s not okay writing these things because they’re harmful, and to stop with that stuff. If you’ll ignore/insult/make fun of me you’ll be permablocked. [Added: 09/07/2019]

This blog may contain triggers such as blood, angst, smoke, drugs, gore, mental health etc. I’ll tag everything and I’ll use “read more”. (I’ll tag my triggers using, for example, “tw: blood” without air quotes) Before rping this stuff with you, I’ll always ask you if you’re okay with it, so do please tell me if you have any triggers or I should tag something specific in my blog! For example, my muse, when she’s overwhelmed by certain feelings or recalls what happened to her kin, she bleeds from her mouth and sternal scar. Please, if this makes you feel uncomfortable don’t be afraid to tell me it; Regarding sexual content, it will also be present, especially during Sinday, but I will always tag everything accordingly and put everything under read more.

Please, tag these two topics: needles and stepping on people. I feel extremely uncomfortable regarding the latter because it's heavily connected with animal abuse, and it makes me feel so sick I start to panic. I only ask you to tag these two topics.

I’m a human being, and sometimes I make mistakes too. If I made something that offended you/made you feel uncomfortable, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I want to learn from my mistakes.

Shipping rules:

Even if I’m more than aware of the fact an 18+ mun is legally an adult, I realized I feel more comfortable shipping with both muns/muses who are 20+, especially in the case there will be some nsfw. That’s my personal preference, and this is NOT negotiable and it will NEVER be.[added 06/05/2019]

If you don’t want to keep our ship going on, that’s TOTALLY OKAY. I will NEVER get mad at you, neither asking you the motivation. If you don’t feel comfortable anymore, that’s okay and I respect your decision!

This blog is multiship exclusive, that means I'll only ship with one muse/au of that muse. Furthermore, I'll be highly selective with whom I ship with, and I mostly prioritize people I've been friends with for a long time. [EXCLUSIVE SHIP LIST]

I state in advance I don’t ship my muse with Diana, since she sees her as a mother-like figure. So… This basically would be incest, and I feel very uncomfortable with it. Furthermore, I won’t ship with Taric, Leona, Aurelion, Soraka, Zoe (But this is almost needless to say since she’s a minor, but prevention is always better than the cure), and yordles.

Even if I’m extremely fine with a platonic/non-sexual relationship, I’m also okay with some smut and that may occur with a serious plot, and ONLY if I feel comfortable and I trust my rp partner enough. Unfortunately, I don’t feel very comfortable rping it on Tumblr, and I’d rather rp it on Discord. [Please check the smut rules here] DON’T FORCE IT WITH ME, otherwise the ship will be deleted and probably I’ll block you too.

My muse is a revenant (I’m talking about her canon verse. In Odyssey! and Modern! she’s a living being) and NO, shipping with her is NOT necrophilia (She’s NOT a lifeless, nonsentient, smelly and rotten body who cannot give consent. She has revived thanks to Targon/Moon’s magic, and she’s ABLE to consent and she doesn’t smell bad, she’s not rotting and so on). I’m writing this because I’m kinda sick of this subject because “Shipping with Ernye/Pyke/Thresh/Kalista/Yone is necrophilia1111!!1!!”, and I’m more than sure these people are the first who fall in love with a vampire. If I receive any anon asks about this stuff in which there’s written I cannot ship her with anyone or other offensive things toward me or my muse (both ic and ooc), I’ll ignore and permablock them. No matter who’s the person who sent this. Again: I’m sick and tired of this stuff because basically there’s no problem in shipping with a psycho who can basically kill/abuse you any moment, meanwhile, GOD FORBID a revenant/vampire and stuff like that. So, better safe than sorry. If this bothers you so much you can unfollow me.

Respect my right to say “NO” if I don’t want to ship with your muse. So, don’t force it or I’ll block you.;

About the Mun:

You can call me Silkie, and I’m 25 years old;

Discord for mutuals only;

Pronouns: she/her (They/Them is also fine, if you feel more comfortable with it, no worries);

Chickens, cats, chinchillas, and Castlevania addicted;

I consider myself as a friendly person, so if you wanna know me or rp with me just send me a message! I suffer from diagnosed GAD and depression, so I really need time to open up to people and my activity may be sporadic because of this. And, please: if I make/say something that makes you feel uncomfortable TELL ME ANYTIME since I never mean to hurt anyone here through my words or acts;

Remember Muse ≠ Mun. Ernye’s actions don’t reflect my personality, or what I think about you;

Please DON’T FLIRT WITH ME, it makes me extremely anxious and uncomfortable due to many awful experiences I had in the past, and also because rp is a hobby and I want to have fun, and I’m not looking for a romantic partner. If you ignore my warnings I’ll permablock you. And yes, this also applies to every NSFW question about me. If you dare to do so you’ll get immediately reported, permablocked and the whole chatlog saved. I will also NOT tolerate any kind of NSFW anon ask about me.

The cringy art you see on my profile is made by me unless stated otherwise. Constructive criticism and bits of advice are more than welcome and encouraged ♥

[ If you have read my rules send me “Has the killing moon come for them?” That’s optional, of course, you don’t have to send it to me!]

[ghostmartyr]

Pokémon White Randomized Nuzlocke Run [Part 11]

We have made it to post-game!

Sort of!

The plot done away with, now is the time to explore the rest of the map and wrap up the entire run with one last go at the Elite Four in their final form!

Our main contestants are

still spoiler tagged!

for maximum worrying.

Let’s get marching.

Back in the room where it all began. I wonder if this beginning will also start with my friends running in unannounced and starting a battle with me. ...That would be bad, it’d better not.

...Looker. I’m gonna level with you.

I don’t wanna be a junior detective.

He’s still on the trail of Team Plasma, and has decided to assign us the task of tracking down the Seven Sages. He also gives us a Super Rod. I don’t think we could fish before this, which is kind of an odd feature for a pokemon game.

Looker’s a nut, but an endearing nut.

Ah yes, my besties.

And hey, Professor Juniper’s dad shows up to upgrade my pokedex! Half my team will no longer be without numbers!

So. Now what.

Which really means, do I let Buzz Fly me to Nimbasa or Opelucid?

I think the Nimbasa route will contain a bridge.

We’re going on the bridge.

Though before we do that, I want to check out the train area again to see if the IV person is there now that I’ve beaten the plot. I’m probably just misremembering their entire existence, but I could have sworn someone was down there.

DUDE! LOOK AT WHO’S RIGHT!

Okay okay okay we’ve got to give this a full check.

Frogger is above average, with fantastic Attack and Special Attack. Rojo is decent, with very good Special Defense. Tock is above average with very good Special Attack. Fido is above average with HP that ‘can’t be better.’ That explains a few numbers. Batman is above average with fantastic HP. Palm is above average with fantastic Speed.

Rojo, you poor, useless legendary.

You are still one of the most broken things on the team, and I love you for it.

That’s more rounded than I expected, honestly. I figured a few of them would just be terrible, and maybe one would be extraordinary, but it’s above average across the board. Which is. kind of average. Pokemon NPCs are kind people.

APTLY NAMED BRIDGE. ALSO KNOWN AS A NEW ROUTE, LET’S GO FEATHER DROPS.

The dude offering me a Magikarp to buy does not count as the first encounter. Also, I did not buy it. It is not randomized, and as we all know that means it’s awful.

That’s pretty much my reaction, word for word.

Ghetsis told them to give me the Adamant Orb. And the Lustrous Orb. And the Griseous Orb. I think those are... Diamond and Pearl’s legendary special items?

Then the ninja zoom away after telling me we’ll never meet again.

That’s one lazy way to get rid of ninja. I could have sworn I fought them once... wait, did I? That seems like something I could go back and check. Eh, whatever.

Speaking of lazy things, was Team Plasma having a giant castle ever explained? I feel like it wasn’t. I’m okay with that, I just want to know.

The inclusion of the wings you can pick up on bridges were really helpful to EV training. I don’t know how many hours I would spend biking on bridges, and frankly the answer would likely depress me, but picking up all those feather things was so useful.

Of course, I have no real use for them at the moment. I’m trying to find a pokemon in those shadows.

I found one!

Look at you, little adorable guy. Oh, girl.

Quick Ball, then faint if that doesn’t work.

Caught her!

What’s your name, though... gotta go with something musical... I dub thee Pink.

Some girl in the gateway area wants to have a Rotation Battle with me. Like a fool, I say yes, and--

Oh shit.

I was kidding when I called myself a fool, but no, yes, that classification stands. Ahahaha. Um. Okay so after this, I’m gonna. Gonna go to Opelucid instead, maybe.

I didn’t even look at Pink’s level when I caught her. It was all Quick Ball action and ignorance. Could I have been forewarned?

This is bad.

Rotation Battles in general irk me. Rotation Battles that place me at a considerable level disadvantage are. something else. Oy.

Um.

I think the Alomomola might have Water Absorb. But Frogger is the most likely to survive whatever awful thing is about to happen. So that limits me to attacking with Mud Shot or Hyper Voice until the Alomomola is downed. It’s a Normal move. It isn’t going to do much against a Steel type, and it doesn’t do much against Beheeyem either, but I think one of those probably has Levitate for their Ability.

Frogger should not be in front.

He is staying in front.

So far, none of these things are using an actual attack, which I’m grateful for.

As I say that, Alomomola uses Hydro Pump. Frogger’s still green, so. Yeah.

Frogger just keeps using Hyper Voice. He’s going to run out of PP for it. Oh well.

Next Hydro Pump gets him low enough to warrant a Hyper Potion.

Beheeyem uses Power Split. Beheeyem’s not bad and this one is a higher level, so I’m not sure how bad that is.

Good news! Nothing has Levitate, and the Klinklang is defeated!

Alomomola is also defeated!

Beheeyem is defeated!

Yikes.

That only went so well because the other trainer almost never used attacks. It was all status stuff except for Hydro Pump, which missed twice. Something would be dead if a human trainer had been guiding those move choices.

I think I’m going to go outside and check what the wild life is like. It’s possible that the huge level difference is an artificial thing with this one trainer, rather than the norm. I mean, her AI virtually never attacked me. So I’ll hold off on going to Opelucid until I get a look at what other people have.

It could also be that I am underleveled for post-game life.

One thing at a time.

Exploring time.

Oh. That guy’s a trainer. He has a level 62 Gulpin.

Okay, so I’m not comfortably leveled for this, but as long as I don’t fall into a Rotation Battle or a Triple Battle, I have items, and the exp will be worthwhile. I think I’ll keep going, with special attention paid to caution. Maybe something in the grass can help me out with some mild grinding.

I biked all the way back to a Pokemon Center.

That is how much confidence I am feeling.

Something should have a Lucky Egg, but I don’t even know if it’s safe to be here, let alone who my front runner should be.

...Fine, it’s Frogger, never mind.

I’m sorry Frogger, I have no idea why I’m so uninterested in cultivating you. I should be better about not taking you for granted and appreciate that you are the one true survivor of this squad.

It’s just you’re also level 60. So not the thing most in need of exp.

Hello possible new friend. It’s level 48, so I think it might be that the post-game sections just have a level jump for trainers. Delightful.

Quick Ball ftw, Baltoy is now Woody.

Munna’s also in this grass. I can’t help but notice these things are not great for grinding.

Trainer with a level 65 Altaria.

I think Rojo might need to try to handle it before anything more creatively unfortunate happens. Altaria’s a Special Defense pokemon, and I think has a few really great Defense-boosting stat moves. If I let it, it can sweep.

It might also be able to kill Rojo in one hit already, but.

Argh, I hate this, lol.

Rojo, go in, if something happens I’m sorry in advance.

Yeeeeeah this Altaria is doing what I thought it would and I don’t care for it. Dragon Dance plus the Cotton thing that drastically raises Defense. .I am afeared. It uses another Dragon Dance.

Oh good job Rojo. Critical hit for the save. Good job, good job.

Abomasnow is up next.

Fido, you’re up.

Fido eats it.

You know. I like this better when I’m not chronicling every single fight out of the fear of imminent death. The next trainer looks like a Fighting one, so Tock is moved to the first slot.

Are you fucking kidding me.

New plan!

We’re murdering legendaries for breakfast!

Because exp!

Side note: Air Slash has 95 accuracy. Why is it always missing.

...Oh fuck.

I hecked up. Badly. Oh fuck. no.

I thought. Tock would out-Speed. Which I would have realized was a stupid thought if I had actually spent any time thinking about Tock’s features and the fact that the Hitmontop has eight levels on him.

I thought about healing him. Those missed Air Slashes left a lot of damage.

You know what also leaves a lot of damage.

STAB Close Combat.

Stop. thinking. “oh I’m sure it will be fine.”

-cradles head in hands-

I am so sorry Tock.

I.

Fuck, this was not supposed to happen. I shouldn’t be allowed to touch Flying pokemon. Ever. Or fight Fighting pokemon. The fact that this keeps happenings suggests some underlying stupidity.

Damn it.

Damn it.

This. Tock. Buddy.

ALL THOSE FUCKING SLUGMA.

FUCK I JUST REALIZED IN THE MIDDLE OF MY EMOTIONS. I DIDN’T USE TOCK AGAINST N OR GHETSIS. ALL OF THAT EV TRAINING. ALL OF IT. FOR NOTHING BUT RANDOM FIGHTS.

ALL

THOSE

SLUGMA

IT WAS A LOT OF HOURS.

I. Hell, I am so sorry Tock. I did everything wrong for your final moments. You would still be alive (assuming Close Combat wouldn’t have killed you in one hit regardless, which... I will never get to know) if I had just been more careful and less stupid. Five seconds of common sense would have put you out of harm’s way.

I am just. so sorry. This shouldn’t have happened.

You have such a sweet, innocent face and I...

I am upset?

I can’t even pick someone else for the team yet. It can wait. Nothing can really replace Tock, and I can’t act otherwise.

I can take Bandit for a walk, though. There are boulders nearby.

-eliminates Reshiram with no joy in heart-

Hell.

I think this place has more uses if you are not playing on the computer.

It has grass. That’s the important thing of the moment.

Hey little guy.

Quick Ball go, Quick Ball get.

I don’t know what to call you.

So. I’m gonna go with Tick.

FOR THE LOVE OF SOMETHING, STOP SPAMMING THE A BUTTON EQUIVALENT THROUGH CONVERSATIONS WITH PEOPLE I DID NOT WANT A TRIPLE BATTLE BECAUSE THAT IS LIKE THREE TIMES THE CHANCES OF DEATH AND I AM NOT DOING WELL WITH THE NORMAL CHANCES.

It works out thanks to the typing.

But geez self. Show some learning.

See, okay, the kid standing above her also wants a Triple Battle.

Now, what are we going to do?

Go to the Pokemon Center, and then say absolutely because my guys need exp.

I’m not a greatly intelligent human.

Not even a little.

It works out, though. Exp gained, no one dead.

New route.

This trainer has a level 68 Purugly.

I think. I really need to drop everything and grind for a little bit.

Frogger has fallen in love with the Purugly. He is also now paralyzed. After a turn of that, thankfully, he uses Hydro Pump and it hits.

Frogger.

I’m judging you a bit.

Level 68 Espeon. Followed by level 68 Lapras. Good grief I should not be in this place.

.

.

.

THAT ONE WAS NOT MY FAULT.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

This.

Fuck.

Uh.

So uh. There was this Future Sight Batman took. I made the executive decision that it was safer for her to be in there for it than Palm, and. I stand by that. Except then a critical hit Hydro Pump hit. And it’s a level 68 Lapras. So.

So.

You killed Boeing. By catching you, I took away your ability to kill. But I always knew you could still die. You were the terror. You were the knight.

You were Batman.

You deserved to be enshrined forever in the Hall of Fame.

But this is where we part, my friend.

Farewell.

Uh.

...4x STAB Leaf Storm.

I.

This was meant to be the grass encounter where I caught one of them?

I was focused on that?

I did not think a level 59 Petilil could kill Frogger in one shot?

This is.

Bad?

There is also a chance the Petilil is too dangerous to live?

But I catch it, so yay?

Petilil’s new name is Battousai.

And.

And.

This has been the longest hour of this run.

I am in so much more trouble than I was.

Frogger. You were my second pokemon.

You saved the day against the Elite Four.

You were dependable, and I never learned to depend on you.

I did not see us ending this way.

I am so sorry.

...

Hello.

Darkness my old friend.

I’ve come to cry at you again.

So uh.

Guess who. needs a new team.

Ahahaha I am in hell.

...

You know what. I. am going to take a break. This has been an excruciating hour. I don’t care for it. I don’t know what I should put on my new team. All I know is that this is very sad and I continue to be worse at this game than I thought.

So that’s great.

[next session start]

Alrighty then.

-stares blankly-

My party has Rock/Fighting, Fire, Grass/Fighting.

I, uh. Need to fill it.

With stuff.

Piglet (Spoink). You’re coming with. Buzz and Bandit will come along with HMs. I’ll see if I can hit the other routes, then figure the rest of this mess out.

Right. Lesgo.

On the comforting side, the first trainer we see has a level 65 thing too. So the side picked didn’t severely change the outcome of. things.

The first thing I see is Lairon, but I have an Aron.

-considers-

Let’s see if I can catch you.

Score, I can. I forgot the Quick Ball, but damage lined up to make it a clean catch. I’mma name you Daffy.

I think. I need to grind more than anything. My surviving team is very much at risk, and Piglet is wholly untrained. Both of those things need fixing. Hopefully it won’t involve chasing down Slugma.

To Dragonspiral and Jellicent, I guess. One step at a time.

(Bandit learned Surf, by the way. Because. Something needed to know that.)

Piglet is evolving! Form of... Grumpig!

Bodacious.

What EVs does Reshiram give? Because if it’s Special Attack...

That’s worth investigating.

Cue nothing but Baltoy. ...I also don’t know what Baltoy gives. ...Or Snorunt. Snorunt is also here. Along with Piplup.

Reshiram gives Special Attack.

I’m taking this as confirmed based on recording several levels of Piglet’s stats attacking nothing but Reshiram. A wild extra point of Special Attack appeared. That makes some things so much easier. I don’t know the exact numbers on what I’m looking for out of Piglet (I think maybe max HP, some convenient split of Special Defense, Defense, and Special Attack), but. Geez this is a relief.

Looking at the numbers though, Piglet isn’t going to be able to pack much of a punch no matter how many EVs I pour into him. I need to focus on tank power.

Maxing HP, then whatever’s left will go to Special Defense and Defense.

Only not in that order.

My memory being what it is, I’m not sure, but I think Relicanth might have Defense and Attack EVs. So I’m just here for Cloyster. I’ll down twenty, then go back to HP grinding. Simple.

Cue no Cloyster.

I should level up Bandit so I start getting better stuff with all this walking.

[one hour later]

This is still boring. I should have figured out my other replacements so I could do this all at once. At least one would have to have similar EV desires, right?

But then I’d have to figure out the other two.

My guess is it will be Yanmega and Jellicent. Fluttershy and Peanut.

But.

I want to wait. Just. Just in case.

Also, screw it, Bandit gets the other Exp. Share. I have two, I’m going to use them. I’m also going to use some PP Ups on Fido’s Flamethrower. Healing after every fifteen fights is. No.

[many hours later]

Okay. HP handled.

Sigh.

The journey continues.

[another hour (okay maybe not really)]

Yay!

I think what I want to do right now is level up what I have rather than focus on training any other new ones. I need to watch those exp bars zoom to the moon. It will sustain me in my grief/exhaustion.

Since I’m in Opelucid anyway, I’m just going to go right and hang in the grass until I’m slightly more confident in the ability of my team to not die.

Wild Pichu are not that helpful in that endeavor. Nor are Mime Jr. Granbull. You are our only hope in this arena.

...

I miss Tock [’s Shadow Ball] so much.

The fear of death is omnipresent. Too much has happened. Where once there was confidence, now there is only dread. Recovery is a faint glimmer of a dream off in the distance.

Neat. Kingdra is also here.

-tilts head-

Yeah, repeats. But still.

I wonder if anything helpful’s in the water.

Well. There’s a level 35 Surskit.

Leaning towards a hard no.

Oh wait, what am I doing. It should be all legendary murdering all the time.

It’s so frustrating, because I just keep thinking hey, I can go fight the trainers along the path for more exp! Then the rest of me remembers that I should not do that.

I don’t think I checked out the dark grass in the route I found Reshiram. I’ll check that out for a quick look. It will possibly be followed by running away as fast as humanly possible, but eh.

That’s not too bad.

...Ah. Levels 58 and 57.

Their danger levels and their exp levels sadly do not line up. Gonna stick with the Reshiram grass.

...Also gonna check what’s in the water of the route with the level 68 hellbeasts.

NO I DIDN’T REALIZE YOU TURNED AROUND.

-deep breath-

-deep scream-

Okay. Okay. It’s fine. It’ll be fine.

Level 64 Primeape, Piglet gets switched in. ..And survives a Close Combat crit.

So then, Piglet is at 23 HP thanks to two Thrashes, and now Palm is out to hopefully do away with a level 64 Scrafty. Yes, because Palm is Palm Wonderful. Last one is a level 64 Poliwrath. Palm gets a crit because Palm loves us.

Piglet learns Power Gem because I don’t have the guts to use Rest as a real strategy.

All right. Lived.

Super Rod leads to Palpitoad. That’s not a bad thing to know. Regular Surfing leads to Wigglytuff. That’s better than the Reshiram grass for leveling if it’s the only thing in the water. But then there’s Shellder.

New area!

Undella Town and Undella Bay are different places, so I must take care with Surfing for my new friend.

This is the town’s choice. I throw a Quick Ball. Metapod caught. Now if only he had a name. Hm.

You can be Crystal.

And this is the choice of the bay. Another Quick Ball is thrown. A Hoothoot is caught. Her name is Winnie.

I’m fast approaching the end of new areas. The map is almost completely lit up.

I think it might be okay to face trainers in the water, because I have Palm. So I’m going to try that, and hope I don’t soon have reason to cry like a baby again.

Level 63 Staryu.

You know, my new question is why that one girl had level 68 monstrosities.

There’s a Quagsire here that we don’t get to catch. ;-;

Oo, and Electrode. I’ve always loved Electrode. It smiles.

I have the HM for Dive now! Yay?

RUN

RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN

RUN.

-severe whimpering noises-

We are not in any way, shape, or form ready for post-game Cynthia. I have memories of grinding against her and others in this house thing, but those teams were allowed to come back after dying.

I will fight her before I fight the Elite Four. Because if I can’t beat her, I have no business facing the Elite Four again (...I think).

Okay, moved up to Route 13 because I don’t actually have anything that can learn Dive. New area. Time to see what we get.

Hmmmmmmmm. Quick Ball get.

Finneon’s new name is F9.

I can’t help but notice that other trainers don’t walk around with level 68 pokemon. I guess that means I really am exploring the entire map before I start training another pokemon. That is possibly misguided, but I really just... am not ready to finalize my final (I hope) team.

Um.

I.

Wait, what the fuck?

I. I was typing.

WHAT HAPPENED WHILE I WAS TYPING. PALM TOOK A HEX BUT HIS HP WAS STILL GREEN AND THEN.

WHAT HAPPENED.

WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

It uses Hydro Pump against Piglet, so if I were to guess...

How is this still getting worse.

Palm.

Palm Wonderful.

I have no words.

I am distraught.

I will miss you so much.

I no longer have the option of being cute about this. I can’t be walking around with three pokemon in an area where I’m losing them at this rate. I guess the simple fact is that things are now high enough level to know seriously dangerous moves, and there is no truly safe option except for absurd over-leveling.

I need to select three new ones.

I have Fido, Rojo, and Piglet. Fire, Rock/Fighting, and Psychic. I can basically pick whatever I want. And as much as I hate to say it, Palm’s loss keeps me from being overstocked on Fighting. So. If I wanted...

But what do I want?

I want to stack the deck. How do I do that.

IV checker. Everything I might consider using is getting a free checkup.

It’s a sea of “above average”s. With a few “decent”s here and there.

Maybe I should try something different. Maybe I should just select the pokemon I love most. That’s the point of a Nuzlocke, right? Getting attached? In terms of Type coverage, there are things I can do, but. I don’t wanna do that. I want to pick the things I love most. If it has good odds on ending horrifically no matter what I do, I want to have as much fun as possible.

Swiper and Wagston are in. As for the last one, that remains to be seen.

If memory serves, Riolu evolves into Lucario with good happiness during the daytime. So I should start walking. He will also be given a Soothe Bell. I think I’ll spend my time leveling up what remains. Rojo can kill a million Reshiram and become a demigod in addition to a legendary.

Oh, and sportsball. Let’s go do today’s.

Baseball! Baseball is fun.

Have I been here since finishing the plot?

I have, right? There isn’t going to be a huge level jump?

This level 65 Persian staring me down says I’m a moron.

-paces-

I should not be here. I should leave. Straight away.

But Piglet is a tank. Everything I uses in battle is over 60.

This stupidity is now on record. I’m going to try to beat the baseball peeps.

This level 66 Simipour makes me miss Palm so terribly.

Wow, I should not be doing this.

And yet.

There are a lot more trainers here now.

Level 64 Conkeldurr vs level 64 Piglet. My future nightmares start this way.

Piglet is victorious, and we continue this horrible decision!

...

You know what, this is stupid. Piglet hurt himself in confusion twice, then I used a Lemonade to get him back to full health, then the Unfezant’s Sky Attack did. That.

So. This is going badly.

Piglet, I swear I’d say sorry, but I’m mostly just dwelling on how amazingly screwed I am. So. Uh.

So.

tfw I have two usable pokemon!

[justlikefantasy]

Host

Pairing : reader x Baekhyun

Genre : Fluff , streamer!au , gamer!au

Warnings : mention alcohol

Words : 1.5 K

1.5, 02, 03

A/N : hello, hello, so this is part one of this fic. It’s kind of short but there will be a 1.5 as Baekhyun point of view that will be uploaded either Wednesday or Thursday night, if this sounds interesting to you. As always, feel free to like or let any constructive comments <3 

For the past years, the video game industry has been dominant, especially online. Entertainers such as youtuber and streamer gained popularity quickly. Some used it to help pay school, others made it their living, for you it was just a way to meet new people and make new friends.

You were not the most popular channel online but it didn’t matter, you had a good community and you could interact closely with your fans which was really important to you. Focusing mostly on creating YouTube contents, one of your subscriber requested that you start streaming so they could enjoy some times with your actual self. You agreed and the surprisingly the feedback were positive so you kept on doing them, your channel growing a bit bigger and eventually becoming a regular streamer.  

It was a cozy summer night, not to hot so your room wouldn’t feel like a sauna with your computer running. Your cat serenely sleeping on your bed, you gave him a small pat, small purr being heard at your touch.  Heading towards your computer desk, sitting in your chair making it pivot before putting your headphones on. You took a last check at your stream settings making sure everything was working before turning the video on.  

Today was Friday, which mean Tipsy Friday. You didn’t mean for it to happened but one night, having had a few too many drink, you thought it would be entertaining to stream while intoxicated, bringing another side of you to life. Most of your subscriber showed up to your unusual activity, shocking you a bit since it was quite early in the morning. There were about 175 viewers when it happened but once it got on twitter and tumblr the next morning, your community went crazy, stating how you were such a different person but in a cute way, begging to see a bit more of this side. It couldn’t do you wrong and it was quite enjoyable for you to do it, so you agreed to do it again next Friday. And the one after, and so on.

A bottle of wine sitting next to your monitor, your chat casually interacting with themselves before the beginning of your stream. You waited until eight o’clock to start your streams. The moment you opened your webcam greetings from your viewers fled in the cha.

You waved to the camera, greeting some of your viewers saying their usernames.  You wondered sometimes how did people come up with their names. Taking a sip of your glass of wine, you read some question in the chat before answering them.

‘’ What am I going to play tonight ‘’ you said out loud ‘’ well what do you guys think about a viewer match of League of Legends? ‘’ The chat went alive, spamming some custom emojis one of your fan made not too long ago. You chose ten randomly league ID before adding them into the custom match.

The night was going great, you would sometimes get small donations or new subscribers startling you most of the times because of the sounds it makes. You were now half a bottle of wine gone, your speech and words getting a little slurred the more it goes.  

‘’ WOooOoh, guyyyyyys we hit 400 viewers!’’ you said after taking a quick glance at your second monitor disposing on the left of your desk displaying your streaming page. While backing to base in the game, you took the opportunity to do a quick heart with your fingers towards your camera sending a small kiss at the same thing. You’ve never had so many viewers when you streamed. Who would have thought a drunk girl playing videogames was so interesting?

The game was getting to an end, your team taking down the nexus towers as quick as possible before the enemy team respawned. And not even 30 seconds later it was GG, your team won. What you liked about viewers game is that nobody would rage, they all know it is only for fun and winning or losing doesn’t mean anything, so you were grateful. Pouring yourself another glass of wine, you made it your last one for the night, you were getting drunk, too drunk and you wouldn’t be able to handle your stream if you keep it up. Taking a look at your stream you saw yourself in the monitor, replacing your hair a little bit, making sure you looked the cutest possible.  Your chat was getting noisy and there was a lot of fussing, which was unusual. You whined playfully at your chat going crazy, what could all the fuss be about. Please, let it not be a raid.

1,200 viewers

You choked when you saw the number of viewers and the number of new followers you gained in the last hours. Was alcohol affecting you that much? Confusion was written all over your face, you looked at the chat dumbfounded trying to figure out what was going on. It was really hard with all the spamming emojis some of the viewers kept sending. You scrolled through your chat when you found it, the small piece of information you needed.

S_O_A456: y/n !!!!!!!!!!! look at your viewers

Jindonutsoflove : y/n!!!!!

Kikittykiss : OMG EXO IS HOSTING HER

Chaniepuppy: :kappa:

S_O_A456 : omg y/n!!! EXO BAEKHYUN I SHOSTING YOU

S_O_A456 : y/n !!!!

Chawae87: :kappa:

EXO_fanboy120 : :kappa:

kingKris: :kappa:

This has to be a joke. Your cheek went a shade of pink, nervously laughing, you tried to hide them with your hands covering your face.

EXO_Baekhyun is hosting you.

You couldn’t believe it. The best AD Carry in the world, is hosting your channel. How did he even find it? Stunned at how unreal the situation was getting you couldn’t help the constant giggle coming out of you.

‘’ I-I- Ehm’’ you didn’t know what to say, or react, so you just greeted them the best you could rambling incoherent words about yourself and your stream.

‘’Thankssssss to EXO_Baekhyun for hosting my stream! By the way you’re really fucking hot’’ you said, making a small gun with your finger, shooting towards your camera with a wink. You’ll regret it tomorrow morning but for now, this was the best you could do in your intoxicated state, bluntly saying what’s on your mind, passing for the biggest fangirl ever.

Chawae87: she hot tho, might donate if shes decent lmao

Firefighter45: did someone called me kek wassup hottie😉

….

whoNeeda_username: can I play with you, add me

..

 You were getting a lot of request for people to play with you so you decided to change people every game, except for one of your best friend who was always with you helping with running your stream, especially when you were drunk.

Bad decisions kept coming but laughter and joy happened until the very last minutes of your streams. You were exhausted and drunk. You said your goodbye to your chat, before closing your stream and heading towards your bathroom, changing into your pyjamas and brushing your teeth.  Heading back to your bedroom, you plumped yourself under your blankets, carefully trying not to wake up your cat to which you failed miserably. You mumbled a small sorry to her, before she went back to sleep, being followed by you.

The next morning was painful. The sun aggressively burning your face, waking you up from your hangover state. Your mouth was dry, your eyes heavy and your head felt like it was being stabbed by multiple knife. You groaned before getting out of the cozy spot your body was resting in heading towards your bathroom taking the small bottle of aspirin out of the cupboard on top of your sink, shoving two little caplets in your mouth, downing a glass of water to help you swallow them down. Opening the bath faucet, you let it fill completely. Stripping out of your pyjamas you meticulously entered the bath filled with the warm water. The heat was relaxing and healing your sore body. You felt clean and renew. Stayed like that for a good ten minutes, you reached for your phone and looked at the infinite amount of alert you got. Maybe you should check what’s going on in your small community. Opening the tumblr app, you started scrolling through your tags, a multitude of gif sets as well as edit of your last night stream making their appearance. It’s crazy how people can be so creative and took the time to edit your contents. It was for small action like that that you kept on doing it. However, the more you looked through the tags, the more you cringed at your last night actions before being interrupted by a new notification.

EXO.Baekhyun has started following you.

[concussed-to-pieces]

It’s Going To Take A Lot; Bonus

Fandom: WWE

Pairing: Diesel [Kevin Nash]/OFC

Rating: Holy shit M.

AN: Enjoy and merry Christmas, ya' filthy animals! A little bonus content in the spirit of the season. Tagging @toxiicpop, @oraclegazes and @hardcorewwetrash as ever!

Part One

Epilogue

December 24th, 1990

He stood on the front steps, his hands tucked tightly into his pockets. He could hear the faint sound of a piano being played, as well as some singing and laughter. A botched Christmas carol maybe, but no one seemed to mind that it had been botched. He swallowed hard, nervously taking off his hat and smoothing out his hair for what felt like the hundredth time since he’d arrived.

He rested his forehead against the front door for a minute, trying to muster up the courage to ring the doorbell. Finally, squaring his shoulders and gritting his teeth, he talked himself into pressing it.

The piano music ended abruptly and he heard the sound of footsteps approaching the door. He kept his shoulders squared, kept his jaw tight. Wish my knees would stop shaking. Does my hair still look okay? Hat might have--

She opened the door and it was like everything else faded out. All he heard was the saxophone solo from that George Michael song. The way she was lit from the back made her blonde hair look like a halo, and really? A halo? He scolded himself. But then again, that was par for the course around her. “Kevin!” He somehow heard her voice over his mental saxophone. She sounded thrilled. “You made it!”

“I promised, didn’t I?” He asked gruffly. “Thanks a million for this.” He tapped at the scarf around his neck, offering her a lazy smile. “Thing was a lifesaver on the last drive.” Kimberly flushed bright red and Diesel couldn’t help cupping her chin and bringing her in for a kiss. “Missed you.” He breathed when they parted.

“I missed you, too.” She nuzzled her nose against his jacket, her hands tucked into the back pockets of his jeans. “I’m so glad you came, Kevin.”

Diesel buried his face in her hair. “Glad I got here in time.”

“You’re good at that.”

“I’m assuming you’re Kevin?” Diesel jumped at the new voice, pulling away from his…well, his Kimberly. A short, rounder woman with curly blonde hair was regarding him with the utmost suspicion from behind Kimberly.

“Yes, uh. Yes, that’s me. You must be Kimberly’s sister.” Diesel extended his hand, more than a little gratified by the fact that Kimberly hadn’t really released him. He was confused when the woman in front of him tittered to herself.

“You didn’t tell me he was a charmer! I’m Kim-Kim’s mom, Kevin. Call me Anne.”

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, ma’am.” Diesel managed to say, feeling like an idiot. She told you that her siblings were younger than her, stupid!

“Likewise! I’ve heard great things.” Anne smiled like Kimberly, Diesel noticed absently, or more accurately Kimberly smiled like Anne.

“All probably false, but I appreciate you softening the blow.” Diesel teased Kimberly.

“Oh my God Kim-ber-ly, you didn’t tell us he was a Clydesdale.” The owner of the new voice had just emerged from the kitchen, and yeah, that would be the younger sister. Complete with off-the-shoulder sweater and makeup applied in experimental fervor.

“Amy, don’t be rude!” Anne scolded while Diesel tried his hardest to muffle his laughter with his arm. A Clydesdale. That was a new one on him, he’d have to tell Razor.

“No harm done, ma’am, I’m used to hearing much worse.” He cocked an eyebrow in the direction of Amy, taking in how her eyes were narrowed at him. “I get it.” He said simply, and her shoulders relaxed a fraction. “Whatever questions you have, I’ll try my best to answer them.”

“Oh honey, please stop glaring. Your face will get stuck like that.” Anne chided Amy like she hadn’t been giving Diesel the same look not five minutes prior.

A lanky, brown-haired man with thick glasses came wandering in from what Diesel assumed was the living room, carrying a cup full of pretzels. He started visibly at the sight of the…Clydesdale in the entryway, nearly dropping his pretzels. “Oh! Hello, hello! You must be Kevin.” He fumbled the cup for a second until Kimberly finally rescued him, scooping the plastic out of his hand so he could properly greet Diesel with a firm handshake. “I’m Daniel, the Dadinator around these parts.”

“It’s great to meet you, sir.” Diesel didn’t mean to sound so stiff, he was pretty sure that Anne was the one who kept the gate in this household. He just wanted to make a decent first impression (for once in my life, please).

Daniel immediately waved off the formality, smiling down at his daughter still cozied into Diesel’s side. “Our little Kimbles seems to have taken quite the shine to you, Kevin! Her and Anne have been hard at work most of today making the traditional Christmas fare. You just missed the before-dinner carols!”

“I’m pretty sure my singing could destroy the most ravenous of appetites.” Diesel chuckled, shaking his head. “Where should I hang my coat?”

“Ah yes, the infamous coat!” Daniel winked at his oldest daughter, who rolled her eyes at him. Diesel, on the other hand, felt his face heat. His jacket would be a topic of conversation now or later, he was sure of it. “There’s hooks by the door, Kevin. Hats off indoors, Anne is very firm on that.”

“Oh, of course.” Diesel quickly yanked his trucker cap off.

“Wait!” A young boy with a mop of brown curls came skidding out of the living room, his socks squeaking on the hardwood floor. There was a tense moment where Diesel waited for the crisis to strike, but then the boy managed to catch himself before he fell. “Wait, I want to see the truck! Hat back on! Coat back on!” He demanded, making Diesel snort in disbelief.

“Jeff! Manners!” Daniel scolded, giving Diesel an apologetic look. “Sorry, he's kind of a mile a minute kid.”

“He's excited. I get it.” Diesel put his hat back on while Jeff hopped anxiously from foot to foot. “Ask your parents first, okay?” The little boy grinned excitedly, already mid-turn to beg his father to let him go see the huge rig parked out front.

…

After dinner and the cleanup, Jeff (sporting a crisp new Wolf Packing ballcap) headed up to bed without being asked. He was of the impression that the sooner he went to bed, the sooner Santa would come and the sooner he could open presents.

Daniel passed out glasses of egg nog, dosed with healthy splashes of cognac and rum. Except for Amy's, to the obvious disappointment of the self-proclaimed almost seventeen-year-old. While Anne was distracted at the counter Diesel watched Kimberly let her little sister have a sip, barely keeping himself from laughing aloud when Amy made a disgusted face.

“Alright Kevin, we want the whole sordid tale from you.” Anne said as her cherry winks made their rounds.

Diesel almost choked on his cookie. “'Scuse me?”

“They want you to tell the, uh...” Kimberly trailed off, going an attractive shade of pink.

“The epic story! Give us the rescue from your point of view.” Daniel urged, his glasses a little crooked. “It's not every day we have a real live knight at the table, after all!”

Oh God, they want a retell. Diesel took a healthy swig of the egg nog to fortify his resolve. Telling stories with Razor in a filthy bar somewhere was one thing. This was something entirely different.

“So uh, once upon a time, I stopped at a little dive that’s out of business now.” Diesel glanced at Kimberly. “Saw this lovely lady standing outside and I didn’t think much of it, figured she was having a smoke. I head inside to chat up the clerk, get all the gossip.” Diesel cleared his throat. “I’d taken another woman from this particular stop previously. But that had been a while back, folks change. I didn’t think I’d hear a sales pitch again.”

“Sales pitch?” Anne’s voice trembled a little.

“I broke his nose. Should have broke his whole face.” Diesel muttered, feeling Kimberly’s fingers lace through his own. “I saw her move like she was going to head to the trucks that had just come in, I didn’t want to make a scene. Wrapped my arm around her, probably scared the daylights out of her because I’m…well, I’m a big guy and I know it must have looked bad. I’d just broken a guy’s nose!”

“We’ve dealt with him in court. He deserved whatever you did to him and more.” Daniel grumbled, taking another sip of his egg nog.

“So what then?” Amy asked, her eyes huge. Diesel had to bite back a smile.

“Brought her to another stop to shower and eat, took a nap, drove to the last stop and got into a fistfight.” Diesel shrugged. “Guy was claiming ownership. Sometimes the uh, young guys get possessive. Kimberly is nobody’s property. So I straightened him out.” He licked the corner of his mouth absently, where his lip had been split during the fight. “We had a nutritious breakfast of…hell, I think it was Spam?”

“Spam, chips and Coke.” Kimberly supplied helpfully.

“Yeah. Not breakfast food. Took another sleep, drove through the night and arrived safe and sound on your doorstep.” Diesel knew he was paraphrasing a bit, but he wasn’t exactly about to tell her parents that he’d spent a good chunk of the ‘sleep’ time with his mouth buried between the legs of their eldest daughter. Hell, he and Kimberly hadn’t even been dating, he just knew that she needed it to be safe going forward. Oh, I was all noble intentions, he thought wryly.

“Why didn’t you come in?” Anne asked, “At least let us thank you!”

“You have to understand my side of this, ma’am.” He felt so dumb saying it now. “I…I didn’t want her feeling like she owed me. Didn’t want to be like the folks she’d interacted with before. I left before I could think better of leaving.” He straightened his shoulders. “And then I was a wreck for the better part of a year.”

He heard Amy sigh dreamily and he wanted to laugh because of course, lovesick brooding would be something to catch the teenager’s attention. It definitely sounded much more glamorous than, ‘I attempted to start my promising career as an alcoholic’.

“But you guys know how that story goes.” Diesel said quietly, his fingers twined with Kimberly’s under the table. “This one braved a cold winter’s night, gave me some grand speech about making her own choices.” He teased, boldly nuzzling her cheek with his nose. “I’ll be forever grateful.”

“It was worth it to find you again.” Kimberly murmured, smiling up at him and oh Jesus, her parents were right there, a minor was in the room--

Diesel had to tear his eyes away from her before he did something wildly inappropriate, clearing his throat again to buy himself some time. Because now came the part that he had been dreading all night. “Daniel, Anne…I understand if you two would rather that I just hop into my rig and never come back. A lot of terrible things happened that never needed to all because of guys like me, so I honestly underst-” Anne rose to her full height, which was…not very tall, but the look on her face gave Diesel pause.

“You’re part of this family. You would be whether you got together with Kimberly or not.” Anne’s voice was soft steel. Diesel could see where Kimberly got her resolve. “You brought our daughter back safely. The police had essentially given up. All they had to go on was some CCTV footage from the last gas station she had been in, and obviously that was many, many miles from that…terrible place.” Her lower lip quivered. “We didn’t want to lose hope, but when you have police officers telling you that your case is a lost cause, that ‘young women disappear all the time due to trafficking’, it…it can be hard to stay positive.”

Daniel’s hand rested on the small of his wife’s back. “Waking up on Christmas morning with Kimbles on the doorstep was…I don’t think I’ll ever forget that.”

“Yeah, and she was wearing your jacket!” Amy recalled brightly. “A token, like old knights.”

Diesel blinked, a little overwhelmed. Regardless of what good he’d done, he had been bracing himself for when they would tell him to fuck right off. He was a trucker. He hated to think of it like that, with the unwarranted poison suburbanites tended towards, but he was of the same profession as most of her abusers.

Anne maneuvered around the table and pulled him into a hug that was the most maternal thing he’d ever experienced. “You’re not like them, Kevin. You listened to our baby, kept her safe and brought her home.” She patted his hair and yeah, yep, there was the lump in his throat. He was a grown man. “We’re so thankful you looked out for her.”

“She’s a human being.” Diesel said thickly. “I did what anyone else with a shred of decency would have done.”

“Mom, I think you’re smushing him.” Kimberly, obviously sensing his distress, swooped in to save the day. Anne immediately apologized, settling back down beside Daniel and dabbing at her eyes with a paper napkin.

Diesel huffed out a breath, giving Kimberly’s hand a grateful squeeze. “I’d like to formally ask permission to date your daughter.” He began cautiously. Across the table, Amy looked like she was about to dissolve into another sigh at the trepidation in his voice. “I would be gone for a week or so at a time. Maybe longer hauls if the pay is good. I-I have my own apartment, I promise I’m not trying to skim off of you for a place to crash between trips. I also know Kimberly still has college to get done and I’m not trying to get in the way of that.” Diesel felt out of breath, terrified. “I…care about Kimberly a hell of a lot and I-”

“Honey please, you’re going to pass out if you don’t take a second.” Anne looked far too amused. “How long have you been rehearsing this pitch?”

“Most of the ride here.” Diesel admitted, staring down at his forgotten glass of egg nog. “Over and over until it was right, ma’am.”

“Kimbles is a big girl, Kev. She can make her own choices.” Daniel said gently.

“I didn’t want either of you thinking that I was going behind your backs. Figured asking permission formally was the way to go.” Hope flared bright in Diesel’s chest. “I uh…Kimberly?” He floundered for a second, trying to wrap his head around the fact that this good thing wasn’t being ripped out from beneath him.

“Yes, Kevin?” Kimberly rested her head on his shoulder, giving him a smug look. And here he was, Big Daddy Cool, Diesel Power, Kevin Goddamn Nash reduced to opening and closing his mouth while all his carefully-planned words evacuated his brain.

“I…” Diesel swallowed hard. Got to his feet, pulled her up with him. Cupped her face so it was just them, no audience. “I care about you more than I’ve ever cared about anyone in my life. I want to give this a serious try, Kimberly.” He pressed his forehead to hers. “You interested in giving me a go? It’s not going to be easy, we both know that. It’s going to take a lot. Communication and patience and…shit, say something, please interrupt me, I’m dying of nerves here.” He begged.

Kimberly raised an eyebrow, looking bemused. “I didn’t really think that you had to ask.” She laughed, rubbing her forehead against his own. “Anybody who tries to drag me away from you is going to have a rough time. Two or a hundred men, hell, more than a hundred, it doesn’t matter. Okay?”

“Okay.” Diesel knew he was smiling like an idiot, but he hardly cared at the moment.

“Kiss already!” Amy snapped, folding her arms across her chest and pouting when her mother scolded her. Diesel chuckled, his heart still hammering wildly against his ribs.

“I’d hate to disappoint.” Kimberly gave him a look of feigned shyness from beneath her lashes and oh, that was a good look if Diesel’s body had anything to say about it.

He exhaled hard, trying to ground himself. “’Course.” He gave her a quick peck on the mouth, losing his fight with laughter at her incredulous expression. “Only teasing, sweetheart, only teasing.” Diesel finally relented when she wouldn’t stop giving him that look. She caught the front of his sweatshirt and dragged him down for a real kiss, one that they probably shouldn’t be having in front of her parents and younger sister. Diesel’s common sense had taken a back seat to his relief however, and he kissed back just as fiercely.

“So rad.” Amy murmured enviously. “Just like the books.”

“What books?” Daniel sputtered and Kimberly started giggling into Diesel’s mouth, effectively ending their kiss. “If I find out you’ve been reading those trashy novels again-”

“They’re romantic!” Amy protested.

“Romantic trash.” Daniel huffed.

“Hey, it’s better that she knows what she wants, right?” Kimberly reasoned, unable to keep from laughing at the expression on her father’s face.

Anne nudged her husband pointedly, a little giggly herself. “Daniel, let the girl have fun. At least she’s reading, right?”

…

“May I walk you to your car?” Kimberly teased while Diesel stood awkwardly on the front steps.

“Didn’t want to ask.” He mumbled, jumping a little when she kissed him on the cheek.

“Thanks for letting Jeff poke around in the cab. I know it meant a lot to him.” She said, looping her arm through the crook of his elbow and laying her head against his shoulder. She couldn’t understand why he had been so nervous inside, but whatever the reason it had been more than worth it to watch him light up after she kissed him.

“I kinda’…promised to take him for a spin tomorrow. As long as the weather holds.” Diesel winced when she looked up at him. “He’s a good kid.”

“One of the best I know.” Kimberly smiled. “How are you doing? I’m sure tonight was…well, a lot. Just making sure you’re okay.”

Diesel paused midway through opening the door of the cab. “It was a lot, but I’ve got a lot to get used to.” He offered her that lazy smile. “Your folks didn’t need to be that nice to me. I can handle some punishment, sweetheart.”

“Would you believe that’s what they’re like normally?” Kimberly asked dryly. “It’s pretty rad.”

“Damn.” Diesel seemed at a loss, so Kimberly slipped past him to climb up into the cab.

“C’mon, the sooner we go to sleep the sooner we can open presents!” She urged.

Diesel shuddered all over, his eyes narrowing. “I dunno’ about that. Pretty sure I’ve got something to unwrap before bedtime.” He replied playfully, following her up into the cab and pulling the curtains across the windshield after he shut the door behind him. “Shit, I should have started it before we came out. My bad, Kimberly.”

“Looks like we’ll have to cuddle for warmth.” Kimberly laughed when he groaned loudly. “Naked, skin to skin so that the heat can distribute properly. You know.”

“It sounds more like you’ve been reading your little sister’s trashy books.” Diesel pointed out.

“Who did you think got her into them?” Kimberly asked airily, unzipping her coat. Diesel shook his head, silently watching her every move with a heat that raced down Kimberly’s spine. Kimberly shed her jacket and immediately regretted it, the truck was not warm in the slightest. She crossed her arms over her chest, shivering a little.

Diesel surged against her, pinning her to the passenger seat with his hands on her shoulders and his mouth on her own. “I’ll warm you up. This…oh my God, Kimberly, fuck.” He growled out the swear, shaking fingers groping her through her turtleneck.

Kimberly couldn’t help her needy whimper, draping her arms around his neck and pulling him in for another kiss. “Missed you, missed you so much.”

“You just saw me the other-“ He paused at her look. “Okay yeah, who am I fooling here? I didn’t see you for almost a year and it was awful. I’m not letting you go again.” Diesel promised, yanking off his hat and tossing it over his shoulder somewhere. “Pants off, I need…c’mon, lift your hips.”

Kimberly eagerly obliged, laughing when he fumbled with the button on her jeans. “Through the loop, you know how to do this.”

“Don’t you sass me, sweetheart.” Diesel grunted, “Nothing funny about these nerves. Holy shit. We’re dating.” He shook his head, sliding her pants down her legs and jumping a little when she yelped. “What, too much?”

“Seat is…very cold.” Kimberly squeaked.

“I know.” Diesel teased his thumb over one of her nipples through her turtleneck and she arched up into his touch helplessly. He knelt between her legs and the cold faded to a back corner of Kimberly’s mind, her attention absorbed by this huge man who should have been terrifying. “Still alright?” Diesel asked, resting his temple on her thigh while he looked up at her. She nodded and his eyes softened. “Good.”

“Good.” Kimberly echoed, feeling ludicrous for being nervous. She cupped his jaw and Diesel closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. “Be gentle.”

“Absolutely.” Diesel slipped her panties off and nudged her thighs apart again, then moved her hand to the back of his head. “You know what to do, sweetheart.” He murmured, mouthing the words on her thigh. “You’re in charge here.”

He pressed a kiss to her stomach and Kimberly ran her fingers through his hair, forgetting about her nerves as Diesel watched her slick collect for a second or two.

“God, you’re so fucking beautiful.” He muttered finally, sounding dazed. He spread her open with his fingers, the look of greed on his face making Kimberly’s hips twitch up. “Shouldn’t make you wait. Shouldn’t do it.” Diesel continued, walking his fingers up her torso to tweak her nipple through her shirt again.

“Oh! Please, Kevin!” Kimberly begged, making him rumble in his chest. “Please, please please I was so good, please-”

“That kiss in front of your parents is what you define as good?” Diesel asked incredulously. “I could have ripped my Levis with my cock, you tease.”

“P-Please, please I’ve been wet all night, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, need you so much--” Kimberly kept begging, desperate at this point. And he could tell, of course he could tell, her panties had been soaked through!

She felt his jaw tense when she tugged on his hair, and he rewarded her finally with a stroke of his tongue on her clit. “You are so fucking wet, oh my God.” Diesel moaned out, the noise low and ragged. “Sweetheart, Kimberly, oh my God, you’re so beautiful.” His facial hair tickled her thigh, rubbing a little harder when he resumed his previous activity. “I’m gonna’ take good care of you.”

Kimberly sighed, rolling her hips against his mouth. “Yes.” Their time together the other night hadn’t been nearly enough to make up for their long period of separation. She reached out to him and he responded with gentle noises of reassurance kissed into the skin of her thighs, yes I’m here, yes I’m real.

The Kevin who haunted her dreams, slipped into her bedroom and brought her to the brink of completion didn’t hold a candle to the Diesel of reality. His teeth, his tongue, his fingers, all working in unison to coax an orgasm from her quivering form. She was hot all over her body, aching sweetly with the work of wanting him.

“Give it to me, sweetheart.” Diesel growled. “I want it and you will give it to me, come on my face, come on my fucking face-”

Kimberly cried out, her fingers digging into his scalp as the tension in her stomach broke. Diesel hungrily lapped up her slick, his eyes locked with hers while she came. “Kevin--” She panted when she could speak again. “Bunk?”

“Yeah?” Diesel asked, sliding his index finger across his chin and making a lazy show out of licking it clean. Oh, that was nice. Kimberly felt her face flush. “I was having a pretty good time here, but I suppose…” He got to his feet, and then pulled her upright. “How’s your legs?”

“How do you think?!” Kimberly sputtered, clinging tightly to his shirt so she didn’t collapse. Stupid, stupid legs!

Diesel grinned, obviously pleased with himself. “So once we move to the bunk…” He drawled, tugging the partition aside. “How do you want round two to go?”

“I’m riding you.” Kimberly said quickly, before she could lose her nerve.

Diesel made a sound like he’d been punched in the stomach, kissing her hard. “Shit Kimberly, I could get used to this.” He groaned when he pulled back, running a hand through his hair.

Kimberly sat down on the bunk and crossed her legs, giggling at his expression when she made a ‘come-hither’ gesture with her finger. “Too much?”

“Never.” He stripped his shirt off and climbed over her until she laid down, massive body on full and obvious display. “Undo my jeans? Please.” He asked, shivering like he couldn't help it when she dragged her fingers over the dark trail of hair on his stomach. “God, God, Kimberly.”

Kimberly boldly slid her fingers down into his boxers, loving the heft of his cock in her hand. Diesel's head lolled forward when she stroked him, his hips rocking down into her hand. She rubbed her thumb over the head of his cock and Diesel swore, his hands clenching restlessly into the blankets.

“God don’t tease, with your tits all snug in that shirt, fuck don’t tease me.” He snarled. Kimberly undid his jeans and pushed them down his hips, making him grit out another swear.

“You like my breasts in this shirt?” Kimberly asked, loving the sensation of having him at her mercy. “Nice tight little turtleneck. Bra is uncomfortable though.”

“Get rid of it.” Diesel said curtly. “Hop up onto me and I’ll unhook it for you.” He patted his hip in the least subtle manner possible, offering her that lazy grin. “I live to serve.”

“You're impossible.” Kimberly stuck her tongue out and Diesel rolled onto his back, shifting his weight until she could straddle him properly. He was still snickering to himself and so Kimberly sank down onto his cock without any warning. That got his attention and shut him up all in one fell swoop. “Well?” She sighed after a minute of just enjoying the feeling of his cock in her. “My bra?”

Diesel's fingers raked firmly over the skin of her back, making her arch against him. “Fuck, yes.” Diesel grunted, fumbling to undo the hooks on her bra. “That's right, fuck down onto me, ride me into a fucking lather sweetheart.”

Kimberly caught a handful of his hair and tugged his head up a little so he could watch the way his cock stretched her deliciously. “See what you do to me, Diesel?” She crooned, not really sure where this behavior was coming from but more than satisfied with the results.

Diesel's eyes widened and the large man's jaw tensed yet again. “God, Kimberly...do you have any fucking idea-” He shook his head and grasped her hips. “All those nights I spent alone, drinking or fucking my fist while thinking about having my mouth and hands all over you, thinking about burying myself in this sweet little pussy--fuck, having you here, and you're real and we're...I mean, you're the best gift I've ever been given.” He admitted fiercely, getting her to squirm as he pinned her to his hips and bucked up.

“You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.” Kimberly shifted her pelvis in his grip, arching just so against the deep thrusts of his hips. “You saved me, Kevin.” She slid her hands up to her breasts, teasing herself through her shirt.

Diesel rumbled in his chest, cupping the back of her neck and tugging her down to touch their foreheads together. The intense look in his eyes took her breath away. “You saved me, don't get it twisted sweetheart.” He gritted out, carding his other hand through her hair. “Beautiful, precious fucking...beautiful woman. Best thing in my life. Don't know what I did, but I'll be damned if I ever let you go again.”

“Kevin I'm so close-” Kimberly begged. “Come with me, please please-” Her eyes kept rolling back but Diesel urged her to maintain eye contact, keeping their foreheads together. Her blonde hair curled around his face, muting the outside world to nothing but his eyes, his mouth, that lazy smile firmly in place as she rode him hard.

“Come for me, sweetheart.” He murmured tenderly, cupping her jaw and kissing her. “You come first, Kimberly, come for Diesel like a good girl.”

Something about that phrase struck a chord in the young woman and she tensed down on his cock. Her hands clutched vaguely at his shoulders as everything faded out and she broke apart with a hungry cry muffled by his mouth. Diesel moaned along with her as he pumped his cock in and out one last time before he came as well, and he wound his arms around her tightly.

“Stay with me.” He breathed in her ear.

“L-Like I can even move--” Kimberly gasped.

“Not just now.” Diesel's voice was so quiet. “Once you're done with...y'know, the important stuff, college. Stuff. If you're still interested in me. Please...stay with me.”

“Kevin...” Kimberly barely managed to sit up, her stomach still quivering. “Nothing could separate us after all of this, as far as I'm concerned.” She panted, trying to get her hair back under control.

“You really mean that?” Diesel asked tentatively, his fingers stroking through her hair and soothing her back down against his chest.

“Absolutely.” Kimberly answered firmly, pressing a trail of exhausted kisses over his pectoral. Diesel fell silent, reaching a hand out to hit play on his boombox and then pulling the blanket up over the both of them. Kimberly nuzzled into his chest, thoroughly warm and more than a little tired out.

“If I had another chance tonight...” The tape carried on softly, and Kimberly snickered into Diesel's chest.

“What?” Diesel mumbled.

“This song, you lovesick nerd.” She yawned widely. “Figured you would have gone with the other tape, the Just Tell Me You Love Me tape.”

“Wasn't feeling the England Dan last night.” Diesel held her a little tighter. “Thank you.”

“I'm pretty sure that's still supposed to be my line. Until I throw down with some big scary guy in a Mack truck on your behalf, of course.”

“Seriously, Kimberly.” Diesel cupped her chin again so he could see her eyes. “Thank you. You're the best present a guy could ask for.” Kimberly flushed at the praise and he smiled slowly, nudging her nose with his own. “C'mon, the sooner you go to sleep, sooner you get to open your presents.”

“Mm, pretty sure Christmas came early-”

“I held off as long as I could!”

“That's not actually what...oh my God, Kevin, you're ridiculous.”

[thorne93]

Old Flame, New Problems (Part 10)

Prompt: You’re in a serious relationship with Sebastian Stan, when news from your first love informs you that he’s now single and in need of a friend. Will your old flame burn out or will the flames get fanned and consume you?

Word Count: 4427 (I’m not even sorry)

Warning: language, angst, fighting (verbal), cheating, drama

Notes: This idea came to me when news hit about Hayden and Rachel splitting. Of course I’m sad that a long time relationship such as theirs is ending, but it also means he’s single sooo…Also, no hate towards Rachel. I don’t know her, don’t know what really happened between them, etc. It’s a fic and in no way reflects what I think of either of them or their precious daughter ^.^

Beta’d by my #1 gal @like-a-bag-of-potatoes​

Forever Tags: @capsmuscles @cocosierra94 @essie1876 @magpiegirl80 @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @harleyquinnandscarletwitch @iamwarrenspeace @marvel-imagines-yes-please @superwholocked527 @myparadise1982sand @missinstantgratification @thejemersoninferno @rda1989 @marvelloushamilton @munlis @thefridgeismybestie @bubblyanarocks3 @random-fluffy-pink-unicorn @hardcollectionworldtrash @igiveupicantthinkofausername @kaliforniacoastalteens @feelmyroarrrr​ @kaeling

Sebastian Stan Tag: @nedthegay @lostinspace33 @alwayshave-faith @elleatrixlestrange @buenostardissherlock @lenawiinchester @the-red-world-of-jess-chibi @memory-of-a-goldfish @mellsstark

Old Flame Tag: @blackwidow-romanoff @seargantbcky

~~~~~~~~~~~~

About a week had passed since Halloween. Sebastian didn’t mention being upset and he didn’t seem it. The two of you were back to the good vibes and loving feelgoods.

The recent happiness sparked some more inspiration and you were clacking away, trying to get the words in your head out onto the computer document as fast as you could. Around lunch time you finally stopped for a quick e-mail break, checking to see if you had new projects, promos, or requests from your agent, editor, or publisher. After sifting through the typical, daily emails, you came across something peculiar.

Hi Y/N,

I was fascinated and delighted with your story Upon A Weary Night. It simply captivated me and chilled me to the bone. Very refreshing and exciting. We just wrapped up working on IT and I’m in the market for a new story and I would love to work with you. Perhaps co-write a novel. Please let me know if you’d be interested.

~ Stephen King

You read the email about twenty times. You checked the email to make sure it wasn’t spam or spoofing. No. It appeared legit. This was real. This was really happening. This was your dream come true. The master of horror himself wanted to write with you. You’d dreamed and prayed for a moment like this, and it was finally here. Beyond thrilled and exultant, you had to keep yourself from panicking and happy sobbing.

It took you about five minutes of pacing to finally calm your nerves and chill out. You called Sebastian and he answered, surprisingly. You thought he’d be busy at work, but you were pleasantly shocked.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he greeted, a smile in his voice. “What’s up?”

“Guess what?” you asked, nearly bursting at the seams.

“What?” he questioned, amusement coming through the phone.

“What’s my number one dream?” you asked.

“Uh, being in a threeway with me and Chris Hemsworth? Did you finally invite him over? Yes! Babe, this is gonna be great,” he said, teasing you.

“You’re an ass, but you can’t ruin this for me,” you commented.

He laughed. “Okay, okay, what is it?”

“Stephen King emailed me, he told me he loved my last horror novel...and...he wants to work on a novel with me. Sebastian, he wants to co-write with me!” you nearly squealed into the phone.

“Oh, my god. Babe! That is amazing! Holy hell. Wow! Oh my god. Congratulations. That’s so awesome! I’m so happy for you!”

“Thanks! Me too!”

“Did you already tell him you wanted to work with him?” he asked.

“Well...no. I wanted your input first,” you informed. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s a wonderful opportunity and you should take it. You’ve never co-written though with anyone. Even if it is your idol, are you okay with changes and suggestions that will be made by him? He’ll probably scrutinize your work heavily since his name will be on this too.”

You nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I’m a little worried about. I don’t want to do this, and find out he’s a dick to work with or that I can’t measure up to what he needs. Or what if he doesn't want to write when I do or…”

Sebastian could tell you were rambling. “Well, if it were me, it’s a once in a lifetime that most people kill for. I’d rather try and it fail, than not try at all. Right?”

You chewed your lip a bit. “You’re right. What am I saying? I’d be thrilled to work with him. Okay I’m gonna go tell him now! Thank you!”

“Anytime, babe. Hey, we should go out and celebrate.”

“Oh, that’s not necessary,” you began.

“No, it is. You’ve been telling me forever that if you could have one author recognize you, it’d be him, and now it’s happening. We have to commemorate this.”

You grinned giddily.

“Okay. Yes. Let’s!”

“Alright, I gotta get back, but you need to tell him you graciously accept, find a nice outfit for tonight, and invite Hayden and--”

“Invite Hayden?” you questioned, perplexed. “Why would I do that?”

“He is your friend, isn’t he? I just figured you’d want him to be included in the celebration. He’s always been really supportive of your work. I thought he might want to be a part of this,” he commented.

Your heart soared at his sincerity. He really was willing to make this work.

“Yeah...Yeah I would,” you admitted. “You’d be okay with that?”

“Yeah of course. Okay, I really gotta go. Bye babe. Love you.”

The two of you hung up and you raced back to your laptop, hit reply, and drafted an email of acceptance. You read it probably one hundred times and made twice as many edits to it, but you finally got it sent out.

After that, you alerted your agent of the news and you two began hashing out details and plans for anything that might arise, contracts and copywriting. Once you were finished, you messaged Hayden.

“Hey! Are you free tonight?”

“No. You know how full my social calendar is, all the time. Nonstop.”

You rolled your eyes and let out a small laugh. “Guess what happened that we have to celebrate?”

“What? Another best seller?”

“Even better. Stephen King contacted me to co-write. How flippin amazing is that?!”

“Wow. Congratulations. That’s fantastic. What a great opportunity!”

“I know. And I wanted to invite you to dinner tonight to help celebrate.”

“I’d love to. Sebastian doesn’t mind you celebrating this with me?”

You frowned for a moment. “Oh, he’ll be with us. It’s all of us.”

About five minutes passed before you got a reply.

“I’m not so sure I want to come then.”

You abandoned the texting and called him. He picked up on the first ring and you finished where you’d left off.

“What? Why not?” you asked, entirely perplexed.

“I can’t do it. I can’t be around him,” he explained. “Maybe we can celebrate together later.”

“So that’s it? You can’t be around him? You came to our party and talked to him for an hour just fine. What gives?”

“I can’t stand him, Y/N.”

“But...at the party--”

“Were you even there?” he suddenly asked, catching you off guard. “Everything we talked about was a competition. Over knowing your favorite authors, books, albums, movies. How you like your tea. Who had the better birthday gifts.”

Your gut twisted at his words. You didn’t really notice that. You were just happy they were even talking.

“No, I didn’t notice that,” you whispered.

“Well I did. Frankly, it was annoying. He’s so insecure, Y/N, why can’t you see that?”

“I know he has some issues...but it’s not like we didn’t both help drive those home,” you reminded.

“Y/N, he already has you. So why is he trying to compete with me at your party? What’s the point?” he asked, but you didn’t get enough time to formulate a response and tell him. “I just think it’s best if he and I stay clear of each other. Wouldn’t want to ruin your dinner with my presence.”

“But I want you there,” you tried. “Seb doesn’t mind you being there. In fact he told me to invite you for my sake.”

“I’m sure he thinks he’s doing something nice but is this just another tactic to keep you? You said it yourself, you didn’t know if his kindness and sudden generosity towards us and you is just a way to keep you to him. So that you don’t feel like he’s ignoring you or being emotionally or physically unavailable.”

You didn’t put much thought into his words. When you had said that, it was in a fleeting moment of anger. You didn’t think Sebastian was the type to emotionally blackmail you.

“Hayden...Why can’t you just do this for me? I want you to be there. This is huge for me.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I just can’t do it. Not if I have to be around Mr. Needs-His-Ego-Stroked.”

“What the hell? Why are you being like this? I really want you there. Or I did, before you were this petty,” you remarked, getting hurt and angry.

“I can’t change how I feel. If you want to hang out alone, let me know, but otherwise I can’t be around your boyfriend who’s going to inevitably pick a fight. Goodbye, Y/N.”

He hung up, leaving you standing in your office...stunned. Were you hurt? Surprised? Understanding? You had thought everything was okay at the party, between them. If Sebastian could be okay with it, why couldn’t he? How selfish was he to steal your moment and say he couldn’t do it with Sebastian. He couldn’t swallow their differences for just a few hours? Just for you? This was about the biggest thing to ever happen to you and he couldn’t just be there for you?

Hurt...That’s what you were feeling...Pain. Devastation. Disappointment.

So Hayden really couldn’t be around you and your current boyfriend? As a friend, couldn’t he just let all that shit go for even a  short while? What would keep him from wanting to be with you? He could only hang out with you alone? Why?

------------------

Seb came home, rather early, well at least earlier than he typically does.

“Where’s our hot shot author?” he asked, a beaming smile on his face as he raced toward you, wrapped his arms around you and swung you around.

You laughed lightly. “Hardly.”

“So! Has he contacted you yet on a prompt or anything?” he asked excitedly.

You shook your head. “No.” Panic suddenly set in. “Oh my god. Do you think this means he doesn’t want to work together anymore?! Maybe he rethought it. Maybe his secretary pulled a prank. Maybe he realized I’m a shitty writer.”

“Y/N, Y/N, Y/N,” Seb smoothed as he looked at you. “Hey, hey. Focus.” He took your face in his hands, making you come back down to Earth. “This is just you wigging out for nothing. He hasn’t changed his mind. He's a very busy man. He’ll get back to you.”

“You think so?”

“I doubt Stephen King takes time out of his day to shoot emails to people he isn’t sure he wants to work with,” he stated with a heart stopping-panty-dropping smile.

“You’re right. I’m just...so nervous about working with him.”

“Don’t be nervous, sweetie,” he said, assuring you with a small laugh and smile. “Be proud and confident. You wrote that book with no intention that he’d even read it, right? And yet here he is, hitting you up to work together based on it. He loves your work. You, your mind, your words. So tonight we celebrate that, and you can stop freaking out for a few hours. You can commence total freak out tomorrow, as I know you will, but for tonight, boyfriend’s orders: calm the hell down.”

He held your hand as you walked to the master suite with him. He dropped your hand as he started to change.

“So, where are we going tonight? Your pick since this is for you. Is Hayden meeting us here or at the restaurant?”

At the mention of his name, your stomach dropped. “He, uh, isn’t joining us,” you informed, playing with your fingers.

Sebastian was putting a shirt on when he slowly pulled it down to look at you. “What? Why? He busy or sick or something?”

Your eyes avoided his as you kept the tears just at bay. “He...he said he can’t stand you,” you said with a thick voice, the tears breaking. You weren’t exactly sure why you were crying. So your friend didn’t get along with your boyfriend? That wouldn’t be the first time it’d ever gone down in history. So why did it hurt so bad?

“Oh, oh no,” he said, rushing to envelope you in a hug, kissing your hair. “Oh, babe, I’m so sorry. I...I didn’t know. I was just trying to...I don’t know.Make things easier for you.” He continued to hold you and in his arms you felt such comfort and bliss, it was unreal. In a tight embrace, you gripped him right back.

“Hey, listen if you want to just stay in,” he started to offer.

You shook your head and wiped your eyes. “No. No. If he doesn’t want to hang out with us, that’s his loss. Come on. Today is a happy day. Let’s go to Benito’s then take me to that little dance club I love so much?” you asked.

“Anything for you. Will you wear the red dress?” he asked with a coy smile.

“If you wear the black suit,” you fired back with a wink.

“That black suit could make you do anything, I think I’ll wear it,” he stated with a devious smile.

-----------------------

Despite the minor breakdown, you and Sebastian had a wonderful night. He bought a bottle of your favorite champagne to celebrate, took you dancing for a couple of hours after dinner, then you went and got your favorite dessert in the city. Hayden had touched your mind once or twice, but you didn’t let the fight cloud your mind.

Seb was right about the suit. It took every ounce of willpower not to rape him in public. But when you were home, all bets were off. You’d pushed him on the bed with a gleeful laugh and tore at the fabric, only getting you access to his chest and the best anatomy on a man. Making love in your favorite suit on the best day of your life, with the best man you could ask for put a cherry on top of the day.

He’d fallen asleep holding you but you were still rather awake. Typically you’d watch tv before bed, but not tonight. All you had tonight were the soft breathing sounds coming from Sebastian and Spinee as they both slept, and the silver moonlight that illuminated your expansive bedroom.

Now that all was calm, and nothing was distracting you, Hayden was back at your mind. He was your best friend and he couldn’t be around your boyfriend. Okay - no big deal, nothing new to the world. But why now? Hayden has never expressed distaste toward him. Typically he defended him while you ranted about him. So what changed? How do you go from indifference, neutral support of someone to loathing them so much you decline being around your best friend?

The question had swirled and swirled in your head. Sure, Hay said it was the party, but was one bad interaction enough for Hayden to not want to be around him again?

Then it hit you. The same reason you couldn’t stand Rachel around Hayden. You could be around Hayden all the livelong day, but the moment Rachel came in the room, you couldn’t stand her or the air around you. All because you still loved him and the thought of his new love made you want to die inside…

A gust of air left your lungs as it crashed into you.

This...this couldn’t be. You knew Hayden and you always had simmering feelings for each other, that would probably never go away, but to act the way he was acting. To feel the way he must be feeling. It had to be love, he had to still be in love with you, and that made you feel uneasy.

To be honest, you hadn’t really given much thought to your feelings on Hayden. When Levi had told you to really think about your feelings, you didn’t. You didn’t want to go down the rabbit hole of feelings when it came to him. Up at his farm, yes, things felt just like they had over a decade ago, but that could’ve been attributed to the problems between you and Seb at the time misguiding your feelings. And all the times after that, you chalked up the feelings of butterflies and comfort and carefree  security up to complacent. You felt happy around Hayden because it was familiar...But now you had to wonder, was it more than that?

You’d had trouble moving on for a long time, that much was true. But how do you get over something that never hurt to begin with? It never felt like you’d ended things. Part of you still felt connected to him.

You turned your head to face your stunning boyfriend, watching him sleep, the peaceful, sweet look on his face. The guy who’d held your hair during food poisoning and wiped you down with a cold cloth. The guy who put up with hours and hours of questions for your work. The man who always made you excited for nighttime since it meant he was coming home. He was compassionate, caring, sweet, patient, forgiving. Here, you had this wonderful man that forgave your transgressions after you’d betrayed him; a devoted man who took you away to Hawaii after you cheated, just to work on the problems you two had been having. When you told him you had issues, he addressed them and apologized, he didn’t blow you off. He was your fun, vibrant, fully alive side. You and him were always the goofballs in the room, the kids at heart, the ones who skipped and jogged and danced down the sidewalk or in the park. The two of you never felt silly or too grown up to run through a room and shout stupid things. And you absolutely loved that. You loved that you could be your silly, dumbass self around him and he still found you sexy and smart. He was the type to make you laugh when you were down or crying, to make you see the positive side of things.

But then there was Hayden. Supportive, relaxed, chill, patient, and reasonable. Where Seb was the sunlight of your life, Hayden was the moonlight. Subtle and sweet. He was the guy who was your muse, constantly inspiring you to write deep, moving pieces. He was the man who laid with you for hours while you spoke of ideas and talked of your work. He was perfectly fine lounging on the couch with snacks and watching the TV for hours with you, making it easier on your introvert side of things. He was the one who comforted you when you broke down after being turned away from agents and publishing houses. He was there for you for your worst breaks and your biggest breaks. He sat with you on countless nights while you worked so that you weren't alone. He’d run to get you coffee to refuel while you worked and would fly you out to LA so he could see you. The man who spent so many holidays with you and your family, being the perfect polite gentleman. He was the guy who held you in his arms until the tears stopped, assuring you he was there and that you could confide in him.

Both were so amazing and wonderful and nearly perfect. They’d both been there for you, they’d both showed they cared and loved you, they both supported you...In many ways they were polar opposites, but yet, they knew how to be with you. Both of them spoke to your two halves.

And you were madly in love with both of them.