#sorry random thoughts i love my childhood friends and met one today

[tragedydenji]

im soooo gone with bakudeku... everyday i end my night with listening to shout baby and datte atashi. both songs just make everything better.

They know each other best, isn't it amazing that they grew up TOGETHER. Despite the bullying, fallouts or mistakes they're burdened with, both were and still are in each other's sphere, always orbiting...

'I grow infinitely smaller whenever I am infront of you.'

IMO this quote is so fitting for them, both felt this way about each other at some point in time. but as kudo said, izuku didnt give up and believed in katsuki's heart... so i'm glad that we got to see katsuki's atonement.

[strawberrypoundtown]

Orc x Halforc!Fem!Reader

You're the clanleaders mixed race eldest daughter. Your older brother has one of his friends watch over you as you start to get eyed by other males in the clan, only for you to eye the rugged brute in charge of protecting you.

(Part 2 here)

Contains: sexual tension, nudity, mentions of biting and scratching

Being the clanleaders eldest daughter was difficult enough, but being a half orc made your daily life annoying. Your mother was a very beautiful and brave woman, especially considering your father was one of the most feared warriors in the world before meeting her. After they had met, your father doted on your mother constantly, and still does to this day. He's still a terrifying warrior, he just doesn't go on raids as much anymore.

However, as you got older, you realized that your parents had painted a picture of your innocence for you that made finding a a partner difficult. You had always been one of the best warriors among everyone else around your age when you were growing up, but your parents always acted like you were the most fragile little thing. So what if you broke your arm a few months ago while on a hunt that got out of hand? You didn't need to have your weapons and armor confiscated.

You let out a deep sigh and rubbed your eyes, before your tent flaps are rudely ripped open, earning a groan out of you. You stubbornly rolled over in your bed and pulled the blankets over your head, not even looking at who might have stumbled into your tent.

"Go away idiot. Let me sleep." You groaned, closing your eyes as you assumed it was one of your many siblings coming to wake you up way too early. You hear the person clear their throat and your eyes shoot open. 'That's not one of my siblings'

"Grobur asked me to come and get you. He wants to talk to you." You're thrown off by the deep voice that haunts your dreams and your cheeks flush. Why did your brother have to send him everytime?

Gan. You have had a crush on him for years. Almost as long as you can remember. He was only a couple year older than you and your brother Grobur's best friend since childhood. He was always so stoic and calm around you, even when you were kids. He was the only person that seemed to actually treat you like you could take care of yourself, while still being protective over you. You loved how protective he would get with you at times, making sure the other men stayed in their place when they went too far with you during practice. Seeing him spar and beat the crap out of the person that tried to beat you put a strange thrilling twist in your stomach. Watching him fight with no armor and barely any clothes, seeing his sweaty green skin glistening in the sun. Each muscle rippling as you would think about how gently he hugs you for a big brute like him. You had to stop watching him so much when you caught yourself drooling one day.

"Today, princess." He grumbled with a hint of sass, breaking you out of your daydream. It was his nickanem for you. It was his way of teasing you. He loved calling you princess, but you always wish he would call you his princess. You grunted and pout as you sat up in bed, staring up at him as you held the blanket up to cover your body. You had picked a bad night to go to bed naked.

"How about you get out so I can put on some clothes? I don't think Grobur would appreciate you parading me around camp naked." You giggled teasingly. His eyes widened, his mouth slightly agape before quickly coughing to cover his embarrassment and turning around to avert his eyes completely and to prevent pitching a tent of his own. He kinda wished you would show him your gorgeous, bountiful breasts, but then he quickly shoved that thought to the back of his head so he could speak

"I-I'm so sorry. I didn't realize. I'll be waiting outside for you." He said softly before leaving your tent. You sighed softly as you got up, slipping into some random clothes quickly, trying to calm your blushing face by rubbing your cheeks. After brushing your hair, you exit your tent and walk up to Gan. God he was massive. He was the largest male in the clan. Your eyes wander down his body briefly, wondering how big his di-

"Are you ready?" He asks you, interrupting your thoughts as you look back up at his face. He wasn't looking at you, seemingly trying to avoid looking at you while he took a step and started to walk ahead. You smile to yourself a little. Maybe you made him flustered?

"O-oh, uh, yes! Let's go." You stammer as you jump to follow him, doing a light jog to keep pace with him.

As you walk around camp, you don't notice the longing and lustful glances many of the males your age get on their faces as you walk by. The rugged orc leading you was the only male you had your eye on.

However, Gan does notice them. It infuriates him to no end that you're subjected to being seen by other males as a plaything, a trophy. None of them deserved you in his opinion. He could tell that in other males eyes, they just saw lust for you.

Gan made sure to look as intimidating as possible as he walked through camp with you, the other males quickly looking away from you when they saw him. When you started getting looks year ago, he started volunteering to escort you wherever you needed to go, under the guise of being sent there by your brother to make sure you were safe. He didn't trust anyone else to guard you, but him. Not like you particularly needed it. Your frame may only come up to his pecs, but you still had orc-like strength. You were strong even when you two were growing up, often besting him in sparring matches when you were little until he got too big for you to pin down.

His mind wanders until he remembers how your hair and clothes would get tousled around when you two had your last sparring match a few months ago. He loved it when you looked so determined in battle, licking and bearing your short, sharp tusks as you tried to catch your breath. Seeing you all sweaty, breathing heavily because of him drove him crazy. Your body was strong, but soft to the touch. Your curves drove him nuts and the muscles under your softness were to die for. You were so soft to him that it was like you could bruise at any moment, but you never did. He could throw you around for what felt like hours and you'd leave with barely a scratch, while he was left with your scratch marks and bites all over his arms and shoulders. Your sharp little tusks had left a few scars bethind over the years. You liked to fight dirty, and he loved it. He'd never admit it tho. He had to let you get him in a hold so he could tap out when he had noticed himself getting a bit too excited.

As you approached the large dining hall tent, you heard your brother and your parents talking happily at the head table, along with the rest of your siblings. Your brother is seated next to his wife, a stunningly beautiful female orc that waves to you with one hand, the other on her swollen pregnant belly.

"(Y/n)! Good morning!" She cheerfully greets. Everyone else at the table smiles at you and welcomes you to sit at the table. You wonder what they're so chipper about.

"Good morning everyone." You say softly before yawning, rubbing the last of the sleep from your eyes as you stood next to Gan.

"We have some good news for you sweetie." Your mom says with a smile. "You know how we've been worried about you getting a mate? Well, we decided to pick someone to watch over you-"

"Mom, I can take care of myself. I don't need someone watching over me all the time." You cut her off, already not wanting to entertain the idea of having a personal babysitter.

"(Y/n), we just want someone to keep an eye on you so no one tries to hurt you. We know you can take care of yourself, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have someone watching out for you." Your brother says before rolling his eyes, his wife harshly nudging him with her elbow, making him grunt and clutch his side.

"I don't understand why you're so worried about me all the time. I rarely ever see anyone try to look at me, let alone talk to me!" You threw your hands up in the air in frustration, having absolutely no idea that you were standing next to the reason why.

"I don't think you realize how some of the other males have been looking at you lately. You're more than old enough to find a mate now, so males are going to start trying to get your attention more. Some of them might end up getting dangerous..." your mother said softly, an empathetic look on her face as she looked at you. She knew this frustrated you, but she wanted to make sure you were protected if anything were to go wrong. You looked back into her eyes and sighed softly. You knew it was better to have protection than not, and you knew they all meant well.

"I understand. I just hope it's temporary." You say with a hopeful smile, and your father nods.

"It will be. We promise. Once you've found a mate, your guard will be dismissed." Your father states and you let out a sigh of relief.

"Who's the poor sucker that has to try and keep track of her?" Your 13 year old brother chuckled to himself before shoving more food into his mouth, earning a punch to his shoulder from your 16 year old sister.

"I will be." The voice next to you states in a low grumble, glancing at you briefly with what you could swear was a small smirk.

God damn it

[minhosimthings]

Enhypen as Quotes I Found on Pinterest

Warnings: Just a lot of fluff. Mention of abuse and PTSD in Jay's story.

A/N: I was bored and this thought randomly came into my brain as I sat on my sofa with my cat! Pinterest has been making me lovesick nowadays so BAM here it is. I'm sorry Heeseung's is really short tho.

Heeseung - My heart is so full of you that I can hardly call it my own.

Doing the dishes was your job around the household. Usually Heeseung would do the laundry and you'd handle the dishes. This was the only time when both of you wouldn't be hugging or touching each other because Heeseung is such a cuddle bug. But today for some reason, Heeseung was extra cuddly and in need of human touch. He acted as if he had been touch starved his entire life as he tried to pull you into the sofa from the sink. You brushed him off gently and continued to do the dishes. You lifted you arms from your body once to reach the shelf above you and two big arms immediately circled around your waist. Heeseung had trapped you and now he wouldn't let go. "My heart is so full of you, that I can hardly call it my own Y/N. Please cuddle with me?" You couldn't resist his Bambi eyes so , eventually you abandoned the rest of the dishes and curled up under the blankets while Heeseung cuddled with you like he hadn't done so in a century.

Jay - Your eyes hold everything my soul hungers for.

Jay and you were basically a married couple,barring the ring on your finger. At random moments of the day, Jay would blurt out 'I wanna marry you' and everytime you always say 'I'll say yes,don't worry.' He had gotten you a promise ring which was more precious than any of the expensive jewelry he had given you. The thing with you was that, as a victim of emotional and physical abuse, ever since childhood, you had never really known any actual love or any emotion other than anger. Meeting Jay was like meeting an angel. He was everything that you always needed but never knew you wanted. Like Taylor Swift once said, you would have easily married him with paper rings even though he got you ones of sapphires and rubies. One fine day, your brain decided to bring back all the trauma. One of your friends had made a 'joke' regarding PTSD and you let it reach to your heart. So there you were at home just crying your heart out to Jay when you asked him "Jay why do you love me?" Jay looked at you with soft eyes before answering "I have an entire presentation ready as to why I love you sweetheart. Everything about you is perfect. Your eyes hold everything my soul thirsts for." You wiped away your tears and giggled at the sudden poetry, when you noticed Jay on the ground. On. One. Knee. With a ring box in his hands. Before he could even start his speech, you shouted 'YES' and leapt at him to hug him and never let go.

Jake - when death takes my hand, I will hold you with the other and promise to find you in every lifetime.

A happy little Aussie boy was someone in your life, whom you would kill and die for. Jake was perfect. Both of you had met two years ago at your pet cafe where you served for both pets and their parents. And sometimes the parents were attractive, to say the least. Bouncing in with a cream border collie called Layla, Jake had fluffy brown hair and the sweetest smile you had ever seen. He bought a lot of things for Layla and when Layla refused to move from your cafe, Jake joked that Layla had found her mom. You kinda wished you were her mom. He came back the next day and asked if he could leave Layla here for a couple of minutes cause he had an errand at a place that didn't allow dogs. You happily obliged to do it for free, even though he had offered to pay money, and sat there serving the customers with Layla snoozing at your feet. Jake came in a few hours later and as he took Layla and apologized a million times for leaving Layla out late he asked you out. And of course you said yes and one thing led to another and now you were together for two years. One night, on movie night, Jake had a game he wanted to play. He had tiny chits of paper with things written on them and he explained the very peculiar rules of the game. "So me and the boys have written down seven cringey things which we think can steal a girl's heart and we want you to rate them. I won't tell you which one I wrote I want you to guess!" You happily agreed to that and sat down as Jake read out very cringey pick up lines and very poetic lines which were probably written by Sunghoon and Jay, respectively. At the end he picked up a yellow coloured chit and read out "When death takes my hand, I will hold you by the other and promise to find you in every lifetime." He looked up to see your shocked eyes and puckering lips. You were so moved by that line that your expression was one of disgust (like the one you do when you find a really good song). Jake, the poor soul was so worried because that was the line he had written. He knew you really liked the idea of lifetimes so he had written it for you and he muttered a slow 'Thats the one I wrote.' to you. You couldn't take it anymore and you pounced on him giving him a very long and very deep kiss. When you broke away from the kiss, Jake grinned at you and said, "So do I have rizz now?" "Not at all. But you do have my heart, Jakey." The rest of the night moved in slow slithers as both of you melted into each other's touch, grinning at the fact that Layla brought you together.

Sunghoon - It's very comforting. To finally have something worth living for.

Sunghoon was the biggest crime lord in all of the world. You, his high school sweetheart were tracked down and bought to him. His parents wanted him to marry someone and he had no one else in mind except for you. You eventually ties the knot in a ceremony which you did not want. Yes, you loved Sunghoon but you had a life of your own. How could you be just some trophy wife? In the beginning you had thought about how cold Sunghoon had grown. He was nothing like the awkwardly cute sixteen year old boy you had given your heart to in high school. He was a stone cold killer now. On occasions when you would go out, you would always have bodyguards with you. You didn't think much of it, but deep inside you had a tiny though which you repressed that maybe Sunghoon does care about you. On one such occasion, you were at the perfume store with your best friend and you didn't take note of the fact that your bodyguard was acting shifty. He wasn't attentive today and he kept touching his back pockets. Suspicious, you hid at the back of the store until your suspicions were confirmed. Your bodyguard had betrayed Sunghoon and was about to kill you. Scared, you called Sunghoon and in a shaky voice explained your situation. And that marked the first time you had ever heard Sunghoon's voice falter and stutter. He arrived with bodyguards just a minute later and took you home as you cried to him all night. He cupped your face gently in his hands as you questioned him "Do you even love me? Or is this just another one of your shenanigans? Please Sunghoon answer me." You had fallen completely in love with him today and your heart gently lifted when he said, in a soft voice "Y/N, listen to me. I had loved you ever since the day we got married. I know you didn't like this but I had to do it. Every other woman I met was a spy for other overlords. My parents were pressuring me and I couldn't think straight. But I love you. I love you more than I love myself." You sniffled at his words and hugged him tight as he whispered into your ear, "It's very comforting. To finally have something worth living for."

Sunoo - you drew memories in my mind, I could never erase. You painted colours in my heart I could never replace.

Sunoo was the most infuriating person on Earth. He joined your school only last year and he had already beaten you in almost every subject. It shouldn't have been that annoying to you, since you're parents really did not care about grades much and told you to focus on your extracurriculars instead. Science and painting were your favourite subjects and you were thankful that Sunoo didn't get a proper hold of them yet. But it still didn't stop you from getting mad whenever he gave you that sarcastic smile with his beautiful fox like eyes. The professor who took the painting job always got frustrated with Sunoo and often asked you to tutor him in painting. Usually people wouldn't pay attention to the subject but you were in a school which was the elitest of the elite. Tutoring Sunoo was torture. He would end up staring at you and not listening to a word you say and choosing, instead, to judge the decor in your room. But when he left your house, there was an odd feeling of loneliness in you. You missed him. That's when you realised that you liked him. There was just something about that weird smile and that cute little laugh and the way he was so gentle with people that made your heart go boom. But then again, he would ruin it every weekend by coming over to the cafe you worked at and ordering the most difficult thing to make in the menu. When you had accidentally made the drink without him asking, because you knew he would come in that day, he went weirdly quite, mumbled a thank you and raced out the door, instead of going to his usual place. One August morning, there was a painting event in your school. Judges from all over the county were coming and you had made a beautiful portrait to win the prize which was a scholarship to your dream university. The portrait was a blend of reds and purples and it was of one of your favourite actresses. You felt very proud of your painting as portraits weren't your strongest power but you didn't want to just paint another boring landscape. The event went on till the afternoon and you kept your eyes peeled for Sunoo in order to show off your painting to him and look at whatever horrible thing he had put on his canvas. The end of the event came with the announcement of the winners. Your ears almost couldn't believe it when you win the first prize. You went up on stage and took your big trophy and your scholarship. Even though your parents were rich, you had always wanted to make it to college on your own without spending much of their money. As you were daydreaming on stage, the booming voice of your English teacher spoke into a microphone. "It is with great delight that I announce that the judges have also decided a person to win the second position! So please put your hands together for Kim Sunoo! Who has won for his portrait of our winner Yang Y/N!" You almost got whiplash from whipping your head around to see Sunoo in his blue cardigan going to receive a silver medal along with a portrait of you in colours of lilac and gold. After the event was over, you dragged Sunoo over to the gym area and asked him aggressively "Why did you paint me? And since when have you gotten so good at painting, Sunoo?' Sunoo looked at you with rather sad eyes and said "I was always good at painting. I just wanted to catch your attention Y/N. And I couldn't think of anyone else who's features I had memorised as well as yours, so I painted you." You were taken aback as you gawked at him and shouted, "But you hate me! You torture me every day. What the absolute hell do you even mean by that sentence?" "I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU Y/N." Sunoo shouted with indignation. "Ever since I joined I have had a crush on you. How can I not? When you've drawn memories in my mind I cannot erase and you've painted colours in my heart I cannot replace!" That was all it took. For you to throw yourself on Sunoo and kiss him, taking in all the love you had for each other. It was safe to say your classmates were very confused when they saw two rivals holding hands and walking out of the gym, smiling brighter than the sun.

[laskyy]

P1harmony as your boyfriend - Jiung version

Genre: fluff

Contains: kissing, displays of affection, knives,(let me know if I am missing something)

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How you met:

You were friends with a choreographer, more specifixally P1harmony's choreographer

You had been friends since childhood but lately with work and school you barely had time to hang out

Luckily today they had a day off and so did you!

You took the opportunity and decided to have lunch together in the mall and then spend the afternoon shopping and whatnot

Everything is going great until they get a phonecall

"Sorry it was from work, I have to get back after lunch"

Well what a coincidence!

The one day you both were free they get a work emergency

But then

"You can come along!! I'm sure the guys won't mind and they're fast learners it probably won't take a long time!"

And you both headed to the FNC building and entered a practice room that had 5 boys

"Hey guys! So you needed my help I see! Where's Ji-"

Just then a guy enters the practice room running in full force against you :D

Ouch 😀

You stayed on the floor for about 3 seconds before he got off of you and started yelling random apologies and questions

"I'M SO SO SORRY I THOUGHT YOU WERE KEEHO I DIDN'T MEAN TO GO AGAINST YOU!! ARE YOU OKAY! ARE YOU BREATHING FINE? IS YOUR HEART BEATING WELL? DO YOU KNOW YOUR NAME? HOW MANY FINGERS AM I HOLDING UP-"

And this went on until he realized that you were probably waiting for him to shut up

"I'm fine yeah! But why were you going to run full force at anyone else?"

"Because Keeho over there only told me we were practicing like 2 minutes ago! I thought we had the afternoon off! I had to vacuum my lunch!"

"WELL IF YOU HAD YOUR PHONE NEXT TO YO-"

"OKAY GUYS LET'S START! I still want to hang out with y/n over there!"

You sat down on the floor after Jiung kept apologizing and watched them dance

While you always knew your friend was talented you liked to see them work it looked like they were having so much fun

They kept throwing thumbs up at you or smiling at you and you couldn't help but notice someone else was also looking your way

At the end of the practice your friend was getting some details down with Theo and Keeho and the other guys sat down and drank water

"Hey uhm y/n is it? I wanted to make it up to you for, you know almost knocking you out so you can knock me out if you want!"

Was he seriously going to ask that?

"So are you joking?"

"Well kind of but if you want I guess that's fair

"I'm not gonna hurt you don't worry and it's ok!"

"So friends?"

You shook his hand that he strectched out to you

"Friends"

----------------------------------------------------

How he asked you out:

Since that day you both facetimed a lot and messaged each other a lot

Jiung was a really fun and loving guy and you wanted to keep this friendship

You didn't want anything more than your friendship, or so you thought

One day Jiung tells you to come by because he wants to see you and you agree

You were both at the dorms with the rest of the guys

Eventually you guys had dinner and had to establish chores

And you and Jiung were responsible for the dishes

Everything was going well

You were joking around with him while washing the dishes

You were so distracted laughing at one of Jiung's jokes that you didn't realized that you picked up a knife to wash and it slipped from your hands and fell on the floor right next to your foot

"OH MY GOSH Y/N ARE YOU OK?"

You weren't even aware of what happened but the way he was looking at you and getting so close to you suddently made you very aware of your heartbeat and possibly your feelings

You guys finished washing the dishes and the guys said they wanted to watch a movie so you did just that

Jiung sat next to you on the couch while everyone else sat on the floor for no reason

While the movie was playing you couldn't really focus on anything besides on how good Jiung looked

"Hey, are you ok?" He asked while whispering

"Yeah I think so"

"You look tired, do you want to sleep over at my room?"

"Sure"

And so you both went to his room without anyone else noticing

"You seem kind of off since that thing happened while washing the dishes, did you really not get hurt?"

"Yeah I'm fine really"

With that he looked at you and caressed your cheek

"You know you can tell me everything right?"

"Yeah, and I'm not hiding anything!"

"Well I am" Jiung said quietly

"What?"

"I actually wanted to say this some time ago, but I'm just going to say it now, I really like you, if you don't feel the same way I'm more than happy to keep being your friend I just wanted to let this out"

You just stared at him for 5 seconds without moving

"Say someth-"

You kissed him and he kissed you back

"So you were also hiding something?" He asked while hugging you

"You can say that"

"Well tomorrow we're going to have lunch just the two of us, how does that sound?" He asked as he kissed your forehead

"It sounds great!"

----------------------------------------------------

How he is as a partner:

Jiung is just a sweetheart

He always knows what to say and how to say it

The man has a way with words

"Babe can you turn the light on I can't really see!"

"Well I can see just fine with the shine in your eyes"

"Ok Shakespear when you're done turn the light on I can't read my book"

"Keeho you don't like readi-"

"I DO NOW"

He is constantly making you laugh until you cry

Always makes sure you feel safe around him

Wants to be the reason a smile is on your face at all times

Loves every little thing about you

And remembers every detail you've ever mentioned

"Hey Y/n look at the sky it looks pretty!"

"It does! It reminds me of that time in 8th-"

"-grade when you and your friends went bowling and you won, I know!!"

"Jiung I talked about that so long ago I-"

Looks at you like you hold the whole world in your eyes

Because you are his world and he loves you so so sooo much it's actually insane

He'll make you feel loved until you actually question yourself if he is real

He gives great hugs but just to you though

"Come here Y/n!"

He engulfs you in the biggest and cuddliest hug ever

Kisses your forehead a lot to make you feel appreciated

And you kiss his forehead as well because you know he enjoys it deep down

"I'm really exhausted from practice"

"You did amazing baby you always do!" *forehead kiss*

"Ji are you ok you're beet red?"

"Yeah it's just global warming you know?"

Overall Jiung is an amazing boyfriend! I want a Jiung pleaseeee

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P1harmony as your boyfriend masterlist

[zannolin]

loving the stranger things posting as someone going through a sudden random stranger things phase lol. i have a question: what makes byler an interesting dynamic for you? i'm not a big shipper person personally but i like to hear people's thoughts!

it's so funny i got here because i was suffering from cares too much disease about the karate kid and i needed something to distract me and then um. it did more than distract.

sidenote: coming back to say this got??? so long. so i'm sorry lol. i'm a chronic rambler.

i'll be honest i never actually shipped byler seriously until literally 2 months ago today. i sort of went "haha what if...?" back in 2022 mostly because my friend was into it and i really love mike as a character. oh mike wheeler the character that you are...i've loved him since 2016 lol and i loved him and will as a dynamic since i saw s2. i was so sold on their friendship, and then s3 and s4 were brutal for me to watch as someone who has grown apart from a lot of friends because of similar circumstances (moving, mostly, but also some relationships, and the inherent tragedy of growing up, and the fact that having a shitty family and being 15 can do a lot of damage to your relationships if you're not careful, etc) so like basically i then got More into them because i am obsessed with friendship estrangement plots. and i like both their characters. ("like" is such an understatement even in 2022 i was unhinged about michael wheeler)

frankly they're interesting to me as a ship for all the same reasons as they're interesting to me as a friendship: devotion, knowing someone better than you know yourself, the fear of loss, the fear of change, how easy vs how hard it is to grow up with someone, estrangement, feeling like you're a bad person and self-sabotaging, etc. the funny thing is i didn't even think will was gay or that there WAS (one-sided, anyway) byler until the literal van scene in s4 because i have that little faith in netflix lol, not to mention i used to be a mileven shipper. and then s3 happened which killed my interest in that and then s4 beat the dead horse from here to california. i realized for one thing mike being queer is really interesting to me and opens a lot of room for fun angles on his canonical character with comphet and internalized homophobia, etc, and it works very well with established canon. to me.

i'm honestlyyyy kind of surprised i got into it at all because besides the fact that i'm not a big shipper anymore, i'm RARELY a childhood friends to lovers fan because 1) it's often boring to me, i'm like but why do we need something Other than friendship?? (aro alert) and 2) i personally do not enjoy romance where it's like. you end up with the person you dated in high school? like it's jsut a me thing but i go aaaaaa when it's idk 12 year olds being like "i'm in love" no you're not you're twelve. i literally have DMs of me to my sister watching s4 where i was like michael why are you saying you loved eleven the day you met her, you were twelve and spent the entire season fucking obsessed with finding your best friend and kept dropping her the second she wasn't useful for that, like i love you but you were— what. (regardless of whether or not that bullshit turns out to be, you know, Actually canonically bullshit. that was my reaction lol). um i'm rambling sorry. anyway. they just happened to hit really good beats for me where it could go either way for me (platonic or romantic) and i wouldn't mind and i'm happy with both. but apparently my brain is like What If Romance when it comes to fic for them and i'm being a bit self-indulgent. i want will byers to have nice things and i want mike to not be stuck in the world's worst written relationship ever (to me).

actually the tl;dr is basically everything i like about mike as a character has to do with his plots concerning will, and everything i don't like about what they've been doing with him lately has to do with his relationship with el, so via potentially unintentional gay symbolism, the power of friendship estrangement plots + my love of friendship breakup/makeup scenarios, and my fascination with writing queer loneliness and mutual pining, AND that "good luck, babe" edit, i ended up here.

also finn wolfhard keeps making the most ridiculously intensely tender expressions during byler scenes and i'm a simple creature i see a man with big wet brown eyes and i go oh well mayyybe....

[boldlyvoid]

Million Dollar Man | chapter two

18+

summary: Spencer's therapist recommended he branch out and meet new people who don't want to talk about his work... she didn't expect him to sign up for a Sugar Daddy website.

Content warnings: sugar daddy!spencer, age gaps (14 years), daddy kink, blow jobs, kissing, drinking mention, lowkey perv!Spencer, cum play, praise, oral (female receiving), grinding, love confessions, arrangements, Spencers anxiety, (more to add)

word count: 3.4K

a/n: updates on Wednesdays and saturdays at 2 pm est

Chapter Two | Masterlist

She sat on the subway with an anxious pit in her stomach and her purse held close to her chest. Her laptop in her bag, she didn’t want to lose it on her way to the most important meeting of her whole life.

Her story was becoming a book, she was almost done the final draft, they were making touch-ups to the cover and picking the type of paper today.

Her dreams were coming true within the next month, soon she’d have a physical copy of her book, her pre-sales were showing that she’d be on the bestseller list, and her name was finally going to be on the cover of this one.

She sighed and reached for her necklace, holding it between her fingers as she took a few deep breaths. She was doing so much better today than she was last year and it was all because of Spencer, he was the best thing to happen to her. To think she complimented his sweater vest and now he’s the only person in her life she can count on.

All she can think about is him for the rest of her journey, through 4 more stops she keeps her eyes closed as she thinks of all his little facts and his cute laugh. She smiles to herself and the anxiety slips away, she loves him and she knows that for sure, but she just doesn’t know how she loves him.

She’s never had a sibling, her best friends are all women, her previous boyfriends were all shit and her other sugar daddies were never this wonderful, and her parents are lesbians… she doesn’t know what her feelings really are for Spencer, mainly because she’s never known any other men to compare him to.

But she does know the exact moment she realized she fell for him.

He booked a hotel room in DC after a local case, asking her to meet him in there at 10 pm. She was waiting in the bathtub when he arrived, bubbles galore, her hair up and arms open, “welcome home, honey.”

He laughs, “you want me to get in there with you?”

She just nods, “let me take care of you, daddy?”

He takes off his blazer, pulls his tie off and starts to unbutton his shirt. She watches patiently as he gets undressed, and it’s not sexual to her. He’s her person, her best friend, the only human being she would ever share a moment like this with and that’s when it hits her.

She doesn’t accept it just yet.

It’s not until he’s lying on her chest, between her legs, cheek resting on her boobs as she runs a sponge over his back while he gives her a little run down on his terrible week. His co-worker almost died, his mom is stressing him out, the only good thing he has left is her and she knows that.

“And then I get to my moms facility and she’s had a really good day, she knows me and she knows all of my childhood again and she’s all right there in front of me and yet she’s so far away. I’m never going to get all the time I want with her and it’s really hard to accept.”

He shares things with her that he doesn’t even tell his therapist. Because his therapist doesn’t hold him like a child against her chest and tell him he’s okay when he get’s upset.

Y/N loves him, so she kisses his forehead, “I’m so sorry, I have 2 moms if you’d like to have one?”

“It’s okay, I would love to meet them sometime though,” he wraps his arms around her waist a little tighter under the water. “Thank you for tonight.”

“Did I mention my leg is 44 inches from hip to toe?” She asks in the middle of the silence, quoting pretty woman, knowing he hasn’t seen that far into the movie yet. “So basically we’re talking about 88 inches of therapy for the bargain price of $800 dollars a week.”

Her legs wrap around him and their naked bodies are closer than they’ve ever been and yet it’s completely platonic, “I’d spend a million dollars on you if it always meant feeling this good after.”

She runs her cheek along his wet hair as he snuggles into her neck, “mmm, I like the sound of that,” she teased. “My million dollar man.”

Her stop rolls around and she pulls herself out of her day dreams to get off the train and head to her meeting. She smiles as she walks through the station, up the stairs and onto the busy downtown streets when she gets a text with Spencers special chime. She opens it when she gets to where she’s going, safely inside and in the waiting room.

It makes her laugh in the waiting room. People look at her but she doesn’t care, he’s so special to her she feels butterflies in her stomach even when he’s not around.

“Y/N!” She hears her name being called by her editor, he’s over ecstatic as he comes running out to get her. “Come, come we have so many choices to make!” He jumps up and down as he holds her arm, like a child in a candy store.

“Andy, chill man,” she laughs at him and plays it cool, “It’s just the cover being finalized.”

“It’s our baby!” He teases back, pushing his glasses up and tugging her behind the glass doors of the office.

She’s surrounded by people and paper and huge versions of her book cover. She has a sharpie as she fixed mistakes and jots down final ideas. “And I wan’t Phil to look more human and less like data from Star Trek?”

“But Dorothy looks okay?” The artist asks, nervously and Y/N can tell.

“She looks beautiful! You really brought her justice,” she smiles, “really she looks the same in my head! It’s just Phil and I’m sure it’s tough getting a drawing to look like a robotic human, let alone human.”

“I have some ideas?” She opens up more, taking her iPad out and sliding it across the table, “I wanted to give him more of a Sophia feel? His face is silicone but his joints and everything are more like an Elon Musk crash dummy.”

“That’s perfect!” She’s shocked, “why didn’t that go in the first draft?”

“I was worried it was too much,” she’s a little older than Y/N, and yet her anxiety is that of a teenage girl. “I’m going to get working on the final, do you want some emailed versions tonight?”

“Yes please,” she smiles.

“So we’re done?” Andy asks, “we’ve made all our final calls?”

“I believe we have,” Y/N closes her laptop and takes her phone out, taking a photo of the final rough sketch of her book cover on the table to send to Spencer before he comes to pick her up. She can’t wait to see him now.

—

They’re sitting side by side in matching spa robes, he’s getting a pedicure while she gets her nails done. Leaning back in her chair with a face mask and cucumbers on her eyes, she’s never felt more relaxed in her life. And just in time too, her back was killing her from writing, her knuckles hurt and she just needed a break.

Spencer did too, he was genuinely not having a good time at work anymore, every case made him spiral and he always looked to Y/N on days like that. They met more than once a week now, she got $800 every Friday and she didn’t even really need it anymore. He was coving for so much of her bills and lively hood that her savings account was growing and growing because of him.

For the first time in her life she thought she would be okay if a man left her. As terrible as it was, as much as her moms tried to raise her differently, she fell down the daddy issues rabbit hole and she’s never going to find her way out— however, luckily for her, Spencer is down here too, and he brought a flashlight.

He understands her, more than anyone else on earth. He knows all her secrets, every crush and bad grade and snide remark she’s ever kept to herself. He didn’t judge her, he could actually listen to her issues and tell her why she had them. He gave better advice than a therapist and he was able to get information for her if he didn’t know the answer to what she was going through.

He’s absolutely everything to her and yet he’s 14 years older than her, he’s still traumatized beyond belief, he’s sad and ashamed and recovering… but he’s the best man in the whole world and she wishes he could see that. If he just looked at himself from her eyes, if he felt how she did in her soul when they were together, he’d love himself.

They’re too relaxed to drive home, and Spencer knew that would happen beforehand, bringing her a change of clothes (lingerie) and that robe me mentioned. He books a hotel above the spa and takes her to it. Arms linked as they enter the suite, she’s amazed to find more than one gift bag on the bed.

“How many gifts is this now?”

“We’re at 5 out of 24.”

She laughs as she wraps her arms around him in a thank you hug, “this is what you consider 4 gifts? Spencer there are like 8 things on the bed, let alone the massage and manicure?”

“If you think this is too much I guess you’re going to get really mad next week,” he teases as she looks up at him with a surprised look on her face.

“Spencer, I am so busy next week, I cannot be galavanting around with my sugar daddy,” she tries to act like she doesn’t want to go on an adventure with him again.

The last trip they took was the best week of her life. They went to all the historical sites in the UK that she and Spencer had talked about. Mainly old churches and castles, strange poets graves, random art and most importantly; stone henge. It was a trip of a lifetime and he took it with her.

“I watched the rest of Pretty Woman the other day,” he smiles, “and I thought I’d pull an Edward Lewis and really surprise you because you deserve it.”

“You know how the movie ends, right?” Her heart beats really fast in her chest and she wants him to love her so bad but it’s also terrifying now that she’s this close.

“He lets her choose,” he whispers.

“He rescues her,” she corrects him.

“And she rescues him right back,” he really did watch the end of the movie.

It makes her heart skip a beat as she swallows sharply, “what does this mean for us?”

“I have a whole plan, a whole sequence of events I want to stick to. I wanted to make you fall in love with me this week and ask you on your birthday, can we still do that?” He pleads with her, he’s so serious. He’s clearly put a lot of effort into this.

“Absolutely,” she smiles, “but if you’re going to make me wait that long for you to ask, you still can’t kiss me till then. No matter how much I already love you.”

“Really?” He’s so soft with her, she knows he’s not reacting to the teasing. He’s never had someone tell him they love him and then stay after.

“I would never lie to you about that, spence. I know what love means to you, I know how scared you are and I’m scared too. But I know there is no one else in the whole world I’d rather be scared with than you,” she holds him tighter and rubs her nose against his, “so what’s in the bags, daddy? Finish your surprise.”

She plays along perfectly, stepping back and hauling him towards the bed. “I got you some outfits and things for the next 2 weeks, we have a few things planned. We’re going on a flight soon, I have new luggage being delivered to your apartment this week and we’re going to see your moms for 3 days.”

“No,” she shakes her head, “there’s no way, Spencer, I haven’t seen them in 5 years, I’m going to cry.”

“I know,” he cups her jaw with his hand. “They’re really excited to see you.”

She hugs him tight, kissing his neck as she holds him. “Thank you, daddy, do you want me to put something on for you now?”

“I’m just going to take it off you, plus, what your wearing is sexy enough, he whispers back. “You’re always so beautiful, baby.”

“I thought you were saving the best for last?” She asks as she pulls back, overly eager and he can tell.

“I want to repay the favour from the other night.”

She doesn’t mean to gasp and yet she does, “please?”

He pulls on the tie of her robe, opening it enough to snake a hand behind her back and draw her in with a hand on her bare back. “Please what?”

“Please, daddy?” She looks up with her best begging eyes, perfect pout and all. “I want you to touch me, I promise I’ll be a good girl.”

He steps away from her to swipe all the bags off the bed before picking her up and laying her back against the pillows. He kisses down her body, hand on her lover back as she arches, he drags his bottom lip from her belly button to her cleavage. Nipping and sucking at the exposed skin on her chest, pulling her breasts out of the bra to suck on her nipples, she moans and it’s louder than she expected.

As she plays with his hair, he marks her, bruising small little love bites all the way down as he makes his way between her legs, “take me, please?”

He’s been dreaming of this for so long, he can’t even give you an accurate number of times his mind has drifted to the thought of how wonderful she would taste, how beautiful she’d sound…

“Tell me how badly you want me?” He asks as he spreads her legs and kisses her left thigh.

“I haven’t had sex in 10 months while waiting for you. Daddy, please you’ve owned me for so long, just take what’s yours already for gods sa- OH!”

With a broad lick, his tongue flattens against her core and it shuts her up. She gets what she wants, holding into his hair as she tosses her head back, taking it all in and enjoying it. He’s been on her mind for months, every time her vibrator was where he is now, she thought of him. he’s been the man of her dreams longer than she’s known him, and he was proving it.

“Right there, daddy,” she speaks through shallow breaths, “do you know how much I’ve thought of this?”

“You know I don’t,” the vibrations of his voice against her skin are glorious, he looks up at her through his lashes as his tongue flicks over her clit and she shakes a bit.

“Fuck,” she gasps, gripping his hair tighter, “better than I thought you’d be, fuck, too bad you— Jesus, don’t have the stash anymore…”

He stops and looks up at her, the smirk on his face glistening with her juices, “the stash?”

She nods, “I’ve thought about calling it the pussy tickler,” she teases, running her hand down his cheek and swiping her thumb across his bottom lip before bringing it up to her mouth to taste, “I want more of you.”

He kisses back up her body and she reaches for his robe the second he’s close enough. “Just grind against me? I know you’re waiting but we can still feel good together?”

He kisses the side of her mouth and she takes that as a yes, wrapping her legs around him so his hard cock is pressed right against her core as they move their hips in synchronicity with each other. His breathing is heavy as he kisses her cheek and jaw, her nails scratch down his back, he feels absolutely amazing against her.

She feels so empty, she wants him so bad she’s clenching around nothing as she squirms against his cock and wishes she was full.

“I wish I could move time,” she whispers. “Fuck, why can’t it be my birthday?”

He laughs against her, grazing his teeth over her neck and drawing another moan from her but then he stops moving his hips, “why are you so impatient?”

“Remember I said I stopped enjoying everything? Well, taking a 10 month break from sex and thinking about you every time I got off has made me desperate,” her hand cups his cheek, “I’d wait forever for you, but a girl needs to be fucked hard every once in a while.”

Only she could find a way to make something both profoundly beautiful and whorish at the same time, he loved her for it and she knew that now. He smiles and leaned in to rub his nose against hers and it takes everything in her not to kiss him. The same way it was taking everything in him not to slip into her as he began to grind against her once more.

She’s so close, the accidental edging has added a whole new level of desperation she’s never felt before. She wants to cum for him so bad, but more importantly she wants him to cum for her.

“Take my bra off,” she whispers, Spencer’s hands travel behind her back to unclasp it and he helps her out of it before tossing it to the floor.

“Cum for me daddy,” she whispers in his head with a hand in his hair, gripping him tightly as he bites at her neck, “cover me with your cum like you’re marking your territory.”

“Shit,” his hips sputter against hers.

“Say it, I know you want to,” she teases, so close to the edge but it’s too good of an opportunity. She loves seeing him fall apart like this and she can’t wait to see it again. “Who’s am I?”

“Daddy’s girl.”

He grinds down on her harder and faster and she’s so close, the bubble in her gut is reaching a fever pitch and with a gasp, she’s cumming and then she feels it. His load covers her stomach as he pants against her neck and grips her hips tighter as he comes down.

She wraps her arms around him and holds him as close as humanly possible, her breathing still heavy as he rises and falls on her chest. He’s heavy but she doesn’t care, she just kisses the top of his head and thanks him.

He brushes his nose against her neck, nuzzling her like a cat, “do you really mean it?”

“What, honey?” He remembers so much, this could be a question about something she said 2 months or 2 minutes ago and she has no clue.

“You’re not just playing along with my kinks right, you genuinely want to be mine?”

For being her million dollar man, his heart sure was broke. This is why he wasn’t ready, he still didn’t understand why she would want to stay without anything in return, he’s gotten so used to paying her for her time now that his anxiety has managed to convince him that she’ll leave when he stops being worth it to her.

“What does my necklace say?” She asks, knowing how close he was to it. “Read it to me, I forget.”

“Daddy’s girl,” he smiles again.

She soothes her hands over his back, “I would do anything with you because I love and trust you, but also because everything you do is sexy… you could read me the dictionary and I’d still want you to pump me full of cum after.”

“It sounds so crude after,” he laughs, “speaking of, we really need to have a shower.”

“I’ll wash your back if you wash mine?” She teases as he gets up.

“Only if you let me wash the front too?”

She smacks his bare ass and races him into the bathroom, turning on the water and getting in with him while still laughing and carrying on. He’s her best friend in the whole world, there’s no one else she would rather do this with… there was no one she has done this with. No one has made her feel this good, before during and after sex.

Spencer Reid was an anomaly, but he was hers.

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[luvdsc]

august.

Bad habits are hard to break, and you’ve made a terrible one of loving him.

pairing :: liu yangyang x reader genre :: fluff, angst ⋮ best friend + college au word count :: 10,500 words warnings :: none. playlist :: time lapse (taeyeon) ⋆ 2 kids (taemin) ⋆ daydreams (exes) ⋆ sharing you (lany) ⋆ august (taylor swift) ⋆ too close to love (will hyde) ⋆ sad stripped (lany) ⋆ strangers (taemin) ⋆ the 1 (taylor swift) author’s note :: can you believe that i literally wrote this entire 10k fic in one day aka today ??? whew this gave me the same rush that i got when i wrote my research paper in the class it was due for the day of, printed it out during break, and handed it in at the end of class :’) ↳ part of the almost collaboration series.

Liu Yangyang is jumping fences to escape late night parties, shared laughter over childhood favorite cartoons on February mornings, midnight dancing in the refrigerator light, and November kisses stolen in between the shelves of the nearby 7-Eleven. He is obscure doodles in the margins of your physics notes, good intentions laced in December’s mistakes, strawberry lemonade and broken truths wrapped in summer bliss, and September endings with honest lies.

He is your August, he is your everything, but he isn’t yours.

AUGUST 2018.

August has barely begun to fade away.

You’re eighteen years old, and you’re drunk off of your first taste of freedom, one toe already dipping into the shiny pleasures of adulthood. Your new roommate, Karina, has excitedly told you about the famous beach night themed frat party that kick starts every school year at your university. Everybody who’s anybody would be there, and your heart already races at the thought of going to your very first college party.

“Coral or blue?” Karina holds up a solid colored neon blue bikini and a striped, bright pink one for you to choose between.

“Blue.” You nod towards the first option, and she discards the other one back into the open drawer. You pull out a marigold yellow one and a black one lined with white strings, wordlessly gesturing towards them, and she immediately points to the latter.

“That one is gonna look so cute on you. Well, both would, but I love that one.”

You grin at her, silently thanking whoever decided to pair the two of you together for the random dorming. “Perfect, thanks. Do you know any of the guys hosting the party?”

“Yeah, Dejun? He’s really sweet and a year above us. I met him in the music elective I’m taking.” She turns to take off her shirt and tosses it to the side, pulling on her bikini and wriggling into a pair of ripped jean shorts. “You?”

“Kind of? Jaemin is in my project group in Intro to Engineering. He’s rushing for that frat.” You quickly change out of your outfit and into your chosen swim top and daisy dukes. You make sure to grab a pair of black flip flops from your closet. The bundle of nerves in your stomach grows as you step out of your dorm with your new friend, a bit anxious but also excited to attend your very first party.

Thank goodness for summer weather. It’s still a nice, warm 75 degrees Fahrenheit according to your weather app when you and Karina finally make your way to the frat house. The sun barely begins to set, but the party slash dayger had started earlier and is in full swing. There’s a DJ set up out front, blasting some sort of EDM music, and the lawn is absolutely covered in foam. You see the source of it shakily set up on the roof of the patio along with a couple of boys sitting up there, Hawaiian shirts barely covering their figures. You catch the eye of Jaemin, who happily waves at you from his vantage point, and you wave back at him.

“Oh my god, I love college,” Karina says, grabbing your arm excitedly as the two of you step into the foam. You reach down to pick up some of it before flicking it towards your roommate, who squeals before scooping some up and throwing it in your direction as well.

“Ready for our first shitty college drink?” You pull her through the mass of other students and towards the horribly decorated tiki bar stationed in the corner of the patio.

“Hell yeah, let’s do it.”

The two of you stumble over, still throwing handfuls of foam at each other amidst giggles before making a full stop in front of the bar. The older boy behind the makeshift counter lazily grins at you both, a shell necklace hanging loosely around his neck, and his unbuttoned orange Hawaiian shirt gives you a nice flash of his toned abs.

“Hey, I’m Johnny. What can I get for you two?”

“Two vodka shots, please.”

“Alright, ID?”

You freeze, and Karina’s grip on your arm tightens, and then Johnny laughs, eyes crinkling in the corners. “Relax, I’m just messing with you, freshie. Two vodka shots coming right up.”

He pulls out two small plastic cups and pours out the drinks for you. “How many do you want?”

“This is good for now, thanks.” You and Karina pick up the drinks, smiling a little nervously at him. He flashes another amused smile at you. “Alright, come back anytime if you want another.”

You move away from the patio, and Karina follows close behind. The two of you throw back the drinks and dispose of the empty cups quickly. The burning sensation in your throat disappears after a few seconds, and you turn to your roommate. “Should we find our friends?”

“I think I see Dejun back there! Let’s go say hi, I can introduce you to him.” Karina drags you through the rising foam, the bubbles clinging to your skin, and when you go past the DJ stand, you feel the pounding bass reverberating in your chest harder than ever. You trek past the gate and into the backyard where the foam has risen to your waist, thanks to the enclosed fences. She taps on the shoulder of a boy with the prettiest almond eyes you have ever seen, and you shyly smile at him when he greets you.

“Hey, I’m Dejun.”

Oh my god, even his voice sounds pretty. Older college boys are definitely better and hotter than high school boys. Heck, they’re better than freshman boys. Nobody wants to date a freshman dude, not even the freshman girls.

“Hi, I’m Y/N.” You extend your hand, but then realize how stupid that must be. You hastily start to retract your hand, but he laughs and warmly grasps your hand. Smiling at you, he shakes it firmly, squeezing your hand gently before letting go.

“It’s nice to meet you, Y/N.”

The butterflies in your stomach grow in volume as the conversation goes on, and you’re positively enamored by the end of the night. Karina had given you a look earlier before walking off with Dejun’s friend and joining the dancing crowd. With the addition of his phone number in your pocket and a promise to show you a new song he’s working on with his guitar next Friday, you’re walking on cloud nine.

“Do you want something to drink? I need a refill, and I can go grab you one,” he asks, and you’re about to offer to go with him, but then you remember the teasing upperclassman and simply agree, asking for another shot of vodka.

After he disappears, you look around, eyeing the crowd and wondering if you can spot your roommate anywhere. You bump into someone lightly and turn around to apologize. Your eyes meet a pair of curiously bright ones.

“Sorry about that, I’m looking for my roomie.”

The boy gives you a Cheshire Cat grin. He’s wearing one of those dumb Hawaiian shirts, too, and it’s unbuttoned, but he has a white T-shirt layered underneath it. “No biggie, it’s a massive party and it’s crowded. Who are you looking for?”

“Ah, I don’t know if you know her, but Karina? She went off with this dude, Kunhang, I think?”

His eyes light up at that name. “Oh, I know him! I saw him earlier by the keg stands inside. Your friend might be there, too. I can—”

“THE COPS ARE COMING!” A loud voice bellows, and you freeze up. Suddenly, the music is shut off as everyone starts running away. You start to panic, the terror rising in your chest, and the boy in front of you grabs your hand and pulls you with him. “What are you doing?! Don’t just stand there! We gotta go!”

“Wait, but Kar—” You start to object, but cut yourself off when you bump into his back as he abruptly stops. He scans the backyard, quickly assessing the situation before turning to you.

“There’s way too many people trapped in here, we’re not gonna make it to the gate. We need to climb over the fence. I’ll hoist you up, and you can help me up from there.”

“I don’t even know you,” you protest, and he throws you a look.

“Hi, I’m Yangyang, nice to meet you, I don’t want to get my ass hauled out by the police and continue the icebreakers in jail, so let’s move now. We good?”

“Yeah, okay, we’re good,” you say faintly, mind still whirling around as you try to grasp the situation. “I’m Y/N.”

“Great, now up you go.”

He immediately picks you up without any warning, and you almost fall backwards, arms flailing before you grasp the top of the fence and pull yourself up. Balancing precariously on top of it, you grab his arm, tugging him up until he’s sitting right next to you, too. The both of you swing your legs over the fence and jump down to the other side. You let out a sigh of relief, squatting down as you clutch your heart.

“Oh my god, we made it. I didn’t get arrested at my first party.”

“What an amazing accomplishment.” Yangyang brushes off the back of his shorts. “We aren’t going to jail. Freshman year is gonna be a breeze if your bar is set this low.”

“Hey!” You frown at him, standing up and crossing your arms over your chest. “How do you know I’m a freshman?”

“It’s written all over your face.” You give him a look, and he relents. “Only a freshman would be this scared of getting caught.”

“So are you an upperclassman?”

“Nah, this is my first party, too. I’m rushing for Nu Chi. Hold on, wait here.” He sneaks around the edge of the fence, peering around for a few seconds before jogging back towards you. “Okay, the police are over there. I’m gonna have to wait a while before going back in.”

“You have to go back?”

“Part of tonight’s rush process,” he sighs before turning to you. “Do you live on campus?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna walk back now,” you answer, shifting your weight from one foot to the other. “It’s late, and I’m not in a partying mood anymore.”

“I can walk you back,” he offers, and you shoot him a grateful smile.

“That’d be great, thanks.”

The two of you start the trek back, an awkward lull in the conversation making itself known. You wrap your arms around yourself, shivering slightly when a soft breeze picks up. There’s a light rustling noise, and you pay no mind to it until a soft cloth is draped over your shoulders. Eyes widening, you notice the colorful, palm tree-printed button down shirt wrapped around you and the boy next to you, looking straight ahead with his hands shoved into his pockets. Smiling to yourself, you slip on the shirt, loosely buttoning the front of it.

“So, Yangyang,” you casually begin, testing his name on your tongue for the first time. You decide you like it. It’s cute. He turns to you, raising an eyebrow, and you continue, “Since our lives are no longer in jeopardy, we can continue the icebreakers, right?”

His lips curve into a smile. “Alright, shoot. What’s your first question?”

“Captain America or Iron Man?”

“Oh, Iron Man, hands down. He’s so…”

You meet him in August.

FEBRUARY 2019.

“Hey, where’s your cereal? The Reese’s one?”

February marks six months of your relationship with Dejun. It also marks six months of your friendship with Yangyang. It is time for your weekly Sunday rituals of watching old cartoons and eating breakfast, and you could’ve sworn that box was still half full last week. You rummage through the top drawer Yangyang had designated for snacks and other foods in his dorm as he takes out the milk from his mini fridge and carries it over to his desk.

“I ran out a few days ago. There’s Cinnamon Toast Crunch somewhere in there though.”

With a victorious cry, you manage to pull out the slightly crushed box of the aforementioned cereal from underneath the packages of flamin’ hot Cheetos and spicy nacho Doritos and triumphantly bring it over to your best friend. He already pulls out two bowls (which were stolen from the dining hall) and hands over the plastic spoons in his grasp (which was also taken from the dining hall).

“Thanks.” After dropping a spoon into each bowl, you shake out the sugary cereal squares before pouring the milk because you’re not an absolute heathen who puts milk in first, like Sicheng. Yangyang clambers up to his top bunk bed, and you carefully pass over the two bowls of cereal, milk sloshing precariously near the edges. You climb up afterwards, and he gives you your bowl once you settle down.

“So, Scooby Doo or Pokémon?”

“Mm, we watched Pokémon last Sunday already, so let’s do Scooby Doo this time.” He nods in agreement, pulling up the cartoon from the queue in Netflix, and the two of you lean back against the ginormous mound of pillows and stuffed animals of his that occupy nearly half of his bed.

You’re shoveling a spoonful of cereal into your mouth when he casually asks, “So how’re you and Dejun doing?”

Choking slightly, you quickly swallow. “We’re doing good. I think he booked a table at the Italian restaurant down the street for Valentine’s Day. Are you doing anything for Valentine’s?”

“I’m forcing Renjun to come watch that “‘Happy Death Day’ movie with me.” The faint sounds of the Scooby Doo theme song plays in the background as you hum in acknowledgement, mouth twisting into a mischievous smirk.

“That’s so sweet. So who confessed to who? Not gonna lie, I thought you had a crush on Hyuck, not Jun.”

“... I would shove you right now, but I just did my laundry, and rewashing my comforter is expensive and I’m out of quarters.”

You stick your tongue out at him, and he rolls his eyes before lifting his bowl up to sip the best part of having Cinnamon Toast Crunch: the milk infused with all the cinnamony, sugary goodness. You let your spoon fall back into your bowl with a soft clink, a sudden worrying thought popping into your head.

“I bought him some customized guitar picks and a pretty composition book. Do you think he’ll like it?”

“That’s a pretty basic gift, isn’t it? It feels like something Kun would get him,” he teases, but his heart falls when he notices you chewing on your bottom lip, spoon held limply in your hand.

“Hey, I’m just joking, of course he would like it. He’s completely whipped. He’ll love anything from you.” Yangyang’s voice grows softer, and he fiddles with a stray thread on his comforter, avoiding eye contact with you. “I know I would.”

He looks up slightly and sees you smiling gratefully at him, eyes shining bright. He quickly ducks his head, turning away slightly to hide the hues of pink blooming on his cheeks. He feels you leaning over to rest your head on his shoulder with a quiet sigh, and his breath hitches in his throat.

“Thanks, Yang.”

Replaying the sight of your smile in his mind makes his stomach flip flop, and he resists the overwhelming urge to tell you you’re pretty, pushing it back into the farthest crevice of his mind.  Your head on his shoulder makes him feel like he’s carrying the entire world, and he doesn’t know what to do. He paints on a tight smile of his own, silently hoping you can’t hear the way his heart nearly pounds out of his chest.

Yangyang knows that having feelings for his best friend, specifically one of his good friends’ girlfriends, is something he absolutely should not be doing, but he can’t help it. His stupid heart refuses to listen to his brain. For now, all he can do is desperately hope that this dumb crush of his goes away soon because while 99% of his friends are oblivious (including you), Ten and Donghyuck are not. They’ll be able to spot his feelings from a mile away, like how Kun always knows when there’s a good sale going on at the Asian supermarket downtown (This week, it was the 50% off bean sprouts and chili paste).

Letting out an inaudible sigh, Yangyang carefully rests his head on top of yours. Clutching the empty bowl with one hand, he shoves his other one under his thigh to stop himself from reaching over and tangling his fingers with yours. He stares at the screen, watching until the bright colors blur together.

“Anytime.”

He likes you in February.

AUGUST 2019.

The earth spins around the sun for another time, and August makes its presence known once again. It’s Thursday night, and you’re sitting on the countertop in Nu Chi Theta’s kitchen, swinging your legs back and forth as Yangyang struggles to make some scrambled eggs because the half filled carton of eggs the two of you managed to find is the only thing that isn’t expired (besides Jeno’s protein shakes, but neither of you are gonna touch that cardboard tasting monstrosity).

“Maybe I should make it.” You peer over at the frying pan, wincing when you see the full damage of your future meal. “Did you use oil?”

“Of course I did!” he exclaims indignantly before pitifully pushing around the nearly charred mess of yolk and whites around with his spatula. “I’m not Mark.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” you mutter, waving your hand around to dissipate the acrid burning smell, and Yangyang throws you a dirty look. He grabs a fork and stabs a small chunk of the eggs. Picking it up, he brings it closer to his mouth before hesitating. His eyes dart to you, and you raise your eyebrows at him, a silent challenge in your gaze. The sad piece of egg hovers in the air for a few more seconds before he defeatedly drops it back into the pan.

“Okay, what if we just Uber Eats some McDonald’s?” Turning off the stove, he then tosses the remnants of his cooking into the trash and drops the pan into the sink.

“Stellar plan. Best idea you’ve had all night.” You hop off the counter to stand next to him, propping your chin on his shoulder to see him pull up the app. He immediately puts in your usual order along with his before holding it up for you to see it better.

“Looks good?”

“Looks perfect.”

He clicks the confirmation button, and the delivery is set to come in 30 minutes. You’re suddenly hyper aware of how close you are with your chest pressed against his back and hastily move away, warmth spreading across your cheeks.

Glancing over at your best friend, you don't miss the way Yangyang smiles down at something on his phone before his fingers fly across the screen. When he looks up, you immediately turn away, focusing your eyes on anything but him.

“Hey, you’re going to the Alpha Sig formal, right?” Yangyang calls out, and you throw on a teasing grin.

“You mean Alpha Sigma Psi, also known as the sorority I’m in?”

“Ah, right, yeah.” He flushes, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “But you’re going, right?”

You nod, the sudden realization creeping up on you. “Oh yeah, I am, thanks for reminding me. I completely forgot to ask, but do you want t—”

“Ningning just asked me to go with her,” Yangyang blurts out, and you freeze, failing to hide your shock for a split second before you regain your composure.

“Oh wow, that’s great, Yang! I’ll see you there then.” You try to give him a convincing smile. He wrings his hands, biting his bottom lip. Something is on his mind. You can tell. He’s not someone to hold back with his words, but this time, he is.

“I… I don’t know if I’m gonna go,” he says at last. Your heart picks up a little at that. Does that mean he doesn’t want to go to the dance at all? Or does he not want to go with Ningning? If you asked him now, would it make a difference?

“I’ve never slow danced,” he confesses, leaning against the opposite counter, and your heart drops. So that was it. Of course, he wouldn’t reject Ningning. She’s an absolute goddess, heck, you wouldn’t say no if she asked you either. You stamp out that last flicker of hope.

“What if I suck at it?” he continues, absentmindedly carding his fingers through his hair. “Oh god, I bet Yukhei and Kunhang are never gonna let me live it down. I can do choreographed dances, but I’m gonna mess up over a stupid slow dance. But where am I supposed to put my hands?! Like on her shoulders? Her waist? Do I hold her hand?”

Your eyes follow the way his hair ruffles slightly, and you wonder if it’s as soft as it looks. You swallow hard before saying quietly, “I can teach you?”

His hand pauses mid-movement, and your eyes fly down to meet his. His eyes widen, and he contemplates your offer for a split second before nodding excitedly. “Yeah, that’d be great! Can you teach me right now? While we wait for our food to come!”

“S-sure,” you stammer, flustered at the sudden acceptance and his eagerness. “Um, here? In the kitchen?”

“Yeah, why not?” He shrugs before straightening up. “The lights should be dimmed, right? We can kind of mimic that here to set the mood or whatever.”

He goes over and fiddles with the light switch, flicking it on and off, and you laugh, walking over and placing your hand over his. “What are you doing? Some kind of Kevin Nguyen mating call to look for a rave bae?”

“First off, I’m offended that you think I’d be one of them,” Yangyang narrows his eyes at you. “Secondly, I’m trying to make this feel more formal dance-y. Oh, wait!”

He turns off the lights for the last time and reaches over to pull open the refrigerator doors, the artificial fluorescent light pouring out and mixing with the faint beams coming in through the window from the street lamps outside. He grins at you, satisfied. “Romantic, huh?”

You roll your eyes, but the amused smile on your face gives away your true feelings. “Wow, Romeo, you swept me off my feet. The food is gonna go bad, and Kun is gonna kill you for the high electricity bill.”

“What food? Jeno’s protein shakes probably never expire.” He snorts before standing closer to you, his hands resting on either side of you on the counter. You can see the pretty gold flecks in his irises, and your breath gets caught in your throat. “And I guess this means you gotta teach me fast before we waste more electricity, right?”

You place your hands on his chest and lightly push him away, and he laughs, stepping back. You let out a shaky breath, remembering that your lungs need oxygen in order to, you know, continue living.

“Okay,” you clear your throat before pulling out your phone and putting on a slow song. “Ready?”

“You chose Ed Sheeran? Thinking Out Loud? Really?”

You raise your hands up defensively. “Hey, he’s the king of sappy slow songs that all girls want to be played at their weddings for their first dance.”

When your legs don't work like they used to before,

And I can't sweep you off of your feet,

Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love?

Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?

“Is this the song you want played at your wedding?” He raises an eyebrow at you, and your face grows warm. You ignore the question, and this time, you’re the one taking a bold step forward, a few centimeters now separating you and your best friend. You see his Adam’s apple bob as he gulps lightly before meeting your eyes.

And darling, I will be loving you 'til we're seventy,

And baby, my heart could still fall as hard at twenty-three,

And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways.

“So, your hands go here.” You take his hands and place them on either side of your waist. His arms freeze up. “Relax, Yang. Precious cargo here.”

He lets out a chuckle, loosening his grip as he starts to relax. You reach up and slide your arms around his neck, interlocking your fingers. You gaze back at him, saying softly, “Now pull me closer.”

He does so.

Maybe just the touch of a hand,

Oh me I fall in love with you every single day,

And I just wanna tell you I am.

“And now follow my lead. We’re going to take one step. And then another. We’re just slowly turning in a circle.”

After a few spins and steps, you stop leading and let yourself be led. Yangyang continues to hold onto you carefully, and you can hear him muttering a 1, 2, 3, 4 count under his breath until he finally gets the hang of it. He grows a little braver, pulling you even closer.

So honey now,

Take me into your loving arms,

Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars.

“Are you going with Dejun?” he asks quietly, and you stiffen at the mention at him before shaking your head.

“No, we broke up in July.”

Yangyang falters in his step before recovering. “Oh. You never told me.”

“Yeah.” You struggle to keep your voice level. “I just… he’s your friend, and I didn’t want to make it weird.”

“You’re my best friend though,” he says firmly, looking you directly in the eyes. His grip on your waist tightens. “It’s his loss. That dumbass just lost the best person who’ll ever come into his life.”

You give him a tired half smile, one that doesn’t quite meet your eyes. He hugs you closer to him, wrapping his arms around your waist and securing you against his chest. You rest your head in the crook of his neck and hope that he doesn’t feel how quickly your heart beats in your chest.

Place your head on my beating heart,

I'm thinking out loud,

Maybe we found love right where we are.

“Thanks, Yang,” you whisper, your breath tickling his skin. He envelops you tightly, and the two of you continue to spin in slow circles, quietly dancing in the refrigerator light as the remaining verses of the song warble in the background.

You think you finally understand what Dejun meant when he said he’s breaking up with you because your heart was already occupied by someone else.

You fall in love with him in August.

NOVEMBER 2019.

[ 12:54 a.m. ] yang 🐏🤪: hey you up?

[ 12:54 a.m. ] yang 🐏🤪: 7/11 in ten mins?

Tiredly rubbing your eyes, you stumble out of your dorm building, one of Jeno’s sweaters draped over your figure. November nights are cold, but this one seems chillier than usual. Yangyang stands near the front steps, and he stiffens up when he notices whose hoodie you’re wearing. He makes no mention of it though when you join him.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” He glances over to you as the two of you walk side by side to the small convenience store just on the edge of campus. You shake your head, shoving your hands into the front pocket of your sweater.

“I was up cramming for midterms. I could use a break anyway,” you shrug. A wisp of your hair falls in your face, and Yangyang starts to reach out to fix it, but forces himself to keep his hand by his side. You reach out to carelessly brush it away, tucking it behind your ear.

“What about you?” You look over at him, noting the bags under his eyes. “Rough night?”

He smiles tiredly at you, shoving his hands into his pockets as he kicks a stray pebble along the sidewalk. “More like rough week. Two more midterms left, and they’re for electromagnetic theory and linear systems.”

“Oh god, good luck. I took linear systems today, and it was absolutely brutal.” You wince, brightening up when you see the familiar neon orange, red, and green lights up ahead.

“Maybe I should just withdraw and take it again next quarter,” your best friend grumbles, kicking the stone as far as he possibly can.

“You really want another quarter with Hwang?”

“You’re right,” he sighs, “I just need to get a C+ to maintain my GPA. C if I’m pushing it.”

The two of you hurry over to the 7-Eleven, quickening your pace, until you reach the store doors, and you pull them open. Entering quickly, you push the door open slightly wider, and Yangyang slips in behind you. The cashier doesn’t even look up, texting away on his phone. You make a beeline towards the chips aisle, grabbing a bag of flamin’ hot Cheetos and a pack of sour gummy worms.

“What are you getting, Yang?” You call out over your shoulder, eyes zeroing in on the Red Bull stand at the end of the aisle. When you hear no response, you halt in your steps, turning around. Yangyang stands in the middle of the aisle, looking dazed under the fluorescent lights.

Putting your items back on the shelf, you approach him, reaching out and touching his arm gently. “Yangyang, what’s wrong?”

He jerks back before silently holding up his phone for you to see. There’s a slew of text messages from Ningning a few hours ago, and a quick scan tells you all you need to know. Your heart weighs heavily in your chest when you look back at him, a forlorn expression on his face.

“She dumped me,” he says quietly, shoving the phone back into his pocket. “She said our relationship was like a friendship. She didn’t feel anything. She said we could still be friends if I wanted to be though.”

He jabs a large bag of Lays potato chips angrily as his voice raises slightly higher. “But I don’t get it. Do friends take each other on dates? Do friends spend the night? Do friends hug each other and hold hands walking to class? Do friends spend three hundred dollars to do a surprise weekend trip for their birthday?”

He whirls around to face you, and he’s so close that you can see those pretty golden sparkles in his eyes again. Suddenly, his hands are cupping your face, and the next thing you know, he’s kissing you. Your eyes widen for a fraction of a second before they flutter shut, and you press your lips against his. The 90s pop station music playing overhead seems to fade away, and all you can focus on is that your best friend tastes like spearmint gum and grape soju. He pulls away abruptly, the realization of what he’s done finally hitting him as his chest heaves up and down.

“Do friends kiss like this?”

His voice is barely a whisper, but it cuts through the silence. You feel like you’re spinning out of control, a split second from careening and crashing.

“No, we—they don’t,” you mumble, and Yangyang sees the starstruck look in your eyes, and he wants to apologize: to say sorry for kissing you. But he doesn’t. Because for some reason, he doesn’t feel sorry. He closes his eyes, curling his hands into fists before exhaling slowly. He sees you looking back at him this time, and he wonders if you feel as equally lost as he does.

Because you’re right. Friends don’t kiss each other like that. Friends don’t feel like this about each other.

He kisses you in November.

AUGUST 2020.

The sun still shines bright late into the day, and August greets you like an old friend. You’re absentmindedly doodling in the margins of your notebook designated for Quantum Mechanics. Yangyang sits next to you in the lecture hall, making a bunch of origami cranes before tossing them at Renjun’s head right in front of him. When the bird reaches its target for the sixth time in a row, the annoyed boy whirls around in his seat, glaring at your best friend.

“Stop that,” he hisses, and Yangyang innocently raises his hands in the air. Renjun angrily frowns at him before turning back around in his seat. After a few minutes, Yangyang flicks another crane towards his friend. If this was a cartoon, you would see steam blowing out of your friend’s ears. You silently watch as he wordlessly picks up his phone, seething as he presses on a particular number.

Suddenly, Travis Scott’s SICKO MODE starts blasting, amplified by the large auditorium-like room. The professor goes silent, and everyone turns to see Yangyang scrambling to pick up his phone. He fumbles around for a few seconds with it before finally shutting it off and putting it on vibrate mode. Cheeks burning red, he meekly puts his phone back in his bag and squeaks out a “sorry” before sinking down in his chair (You can see the culprit grinning like the cat ate the canary right in front of him. Karma’s a bitch who also goes by the name of Renjun).

You pat his arm consolingly as he sulks next to you for a few minutes, mouth jutting out into a pout. You decide to take pity on him and lean closer to him, whispering quietly, “Would it make you feel better if I bought you boba after class?”

Immediately, he brightens up. “One oolong milk tea, half sugar with white pearls and coconut jelly?”

“Yes, I’ll pay for your overpriced drink,” you huff, thinking about how his one seven dollar drink could buy you a whole rotisserie chicken that’ll last you a week. At least the fluffy dog at Cloudy with a Chance of Boba is cute and fun to play with. “I’ll even get the honey waffle fries.”

“Heck yeah!” he whisper-yells, fist pumping quietly before he suddenly deflates. “Wait, I can’t. I promised Lia I’d get lunch with her.”

Ah, right, there’s Lia now. Yangyang’s new girlfriend: the only other student who went to Düsseldorf, Germany to study abroad over the summer, and inevitably, the two of them became close. All you really know about her is that she’s pretty, she’s in Iota Theta Zeta, and she followed you on Instagram a few weeks ago (of course, you followed her back because of the unspoken best friend and girlfriend policy).

Her page looks carefully curated, and there’s a common pink tinted theme going on throughout her feed. She has over a thousand followers, and it seems like Yangyang fits perfectly in her magazine curated life, judging by how he occupies nearly every picture taken in the summer with her or how he’s tagged as the photographer. You can’t deny that they look good together, pointedly shoving the green eyed monster back under the bed.

You take a peek at your messy Instagram page where you only post pictures when you’re half drunk, so there’s no semblance of uniformity anywhere. You shrug at him, pocketing your phone.

“No biggie. I’ll see if Karina is up for some boba. She’s been holed up in the dance studio already, and it’s only week two of classes, can you believe it?”

“I remember Ten was the same way,” Yangyang hums, eyes fixated on his phone and fingers tapping away. He laughs quietly, lips curling into a pretty smile, and you glance over curiously.

“What’s so funny?”

“Hmm?” Yangyang finally tears his eyes away from his screen for a split second to look at you before another buzz takes his attention away. He’s distracted, lovestruck, and you wistfully smile before turning back to your notes.

“Sorry, what’d you say earlier?” he loudly whispers a few minutes later, and you barely glance up from the large bulbasaur doodle you’re in the progress of completing right next to the chart marking the wave functions for a bouncing ball that you had copied down from the blackboard.

“Oh, I just asked what was so funny,” you murmur, coloring in the flowers you drew around the Pokémon with your blue ballpoint pen.

He looks confused for a moment before lighting up. “Oh! It was just a German joke. It’s not really funny if I translate it though.”

“Got it, no worries.” You notice the professor starting a new example problem, and you abandon your drawing, focusing on the formulas rapidly filling up the chalkboards in front of you. A quiet chuckle echoes in your ears, and you pause in your note taking to look over and see your best friend still typing on his phone. You make a mental reminder to create a copy of your notes for him later on when you pass the library on the way to the dining hall.

“Hey, Y/N.” Yangyang nudges you gently. “Rain check on the boba?”

You offer him a soft smile. “Of course. Anytime.”

He gives you a quick grin in return before his attention returns to the device in his hand—or rather, the pretty girl behind those texts. Your best friend is sitting right next to you, but you’ve never felt so far away. You know distance makes the heart grow fonder, but you don’t think it’s possible to be even fonder of him than you are now. Bad habits are hard to break, and you’ve made a terrible one of loving him. No wonder it’s beginning to hurt so much.

You lose him in August.

DECEMBER 2020.

December is the coldest month of the year, yet it is also simultaneously the warmest with all the holiday festivities it brings. If Yangyang were to choose a month to describe you, it’d be this one. You are a walking paradox, a conundrum he might never solve, an oxymoron come to life. He doesn’t understand how you can be his best friend, yet feel like a stranger; a friend who he wants as a lover; someone who has created such an impact in his life, but disappears seamlessly here and there.

He wonders when you’ve gotten so distant. He wonders why he never noticed the way you seemed to slip away through the cracks until it’s now nearing the end of the year, and the last time he’s seen you in person was before the November autumn break.

But you’re here.

You’re standing right next to the punch bowl filled with spiked eggnog, wearing a garish knitted button down jumper with brightly colored Christmas lights decorating it. It’s perfectly in theme with the Ugly Christmas Sweater party Nu Chi is holding, and Yangyang is beyond ecstatic to know that you’re attending. He had texted you an invite two weeks ago, and you merely reacted with a thumbs up.

Yangyang swears he was going to follow up with you on that, but he got so caught up with midterms, then meeting Lia’s family for Thanksgiving, then studying for finals, and then finally, preparing for this party. Buying enough beer for twenty-three keg stands is a lot more difficult than it seems (Donghyuck’s car broke down halfway during one trip, and they all had to carry back the packs of beers to the house in 40 degree weather in their Sperry boat shoes and Patagonia long sleeves that definitely weren’t cut out for this kind of weather).

His girlfriend is somewhere in the room, wearing the other half of the reindeer sweater she forced him to put on, but all he can focus on is you. He hurriedly makes his way over, skidding to a stop in front of you, and you’re startled before a smile spreads across your face.

“Hey, you, I haven’t seen you in a while.” You grin at him, reaching out to poke the reindeer tail sticking out from the front of his itchy sweater (Lia got to wear the head half of the reindeer, while he was stuck with the behind).

“Yeah, how have you been?” He reaches around you to pick up a cup and pour himself some eggnog. He offers you one, but you decline with a small shake of your head.

“I’ve been doing good, a bit tired with finals coming up, but what’s new?” You joke, grabbing one of the sugar cookies from the table. You’re secretly surprised that they actually have real food (No, Hyuck, Jell-O shots do not count as real food). You suspect Jaemin has something to do with it. He always contributes to the annual Greek row bake sale.

“Are you here with someone? Did Karina come?” he asks, curiosity coating every word. He looks around for your roommate, but she’s nowhere to be found.

You shake your head. “No, I actually came with—”

“Me!”

Yukhei bounds over, slipping an arm over your shoulder. He hands you a new cup of apple cider, which you accept gratefully. He grins happily at Yangyang, who freezes up at the sight of his tall friend. “I asked her to be my date for the party, and she agreed. She also made our sweaters! Aren’t they so cool? There’s even lights that spell my name and play Christmas songs. She did a bunch of cool programming tricks to make them work.”

Yangyang realizes with a start that the two of you are indeed wearing matching sweaters, and that leaves a rather sour taste in his mouth (and it definitely wasn’t because of expired eggnog). The corners of his lips tilt downward as he presses his lips together tightly.

“So… you two are together?” He gestures between you and Yukhei with a forced laugh. Jealousy never did look good on anybody, and unfortunately, he’s not an exception.

“We’re just seeing each other and seeing how it goes for now,” you answer quietly, noting the way your best friend reacts. You have always been good at reading him, and you tread carefully now, not wanting to make a scene. Drunk Yangyang never holds anything back, and he’s had quite a few pre-game shots already (It definitely doesn’t help that he’s a lightweight, too).

“I see. How did you guys meet? Or I guess, start talking?” He attempts to look intimidating, staring down at Yukhei, but it’s a difficult feat to accomplish, especially when he’s trying to stare down a six foot guy who’s more like an overgrown puppy and his friend.

“Oh, she came by for one of your boba runs, but you were still out with Lia. So I asked if I could go with her.” Yukhei flashes his pearly whites at you, and you chuckle, leaning your head against his shoulder.

“I said yes, and we hit it off, I guess.”

“You guess? And you took him on our boba runs?”

“You were out with Lia,” you say defensively, and he blanches when he hears his girlfriend’s name come out of your mouth.

“You could’ve waited,” he mutters, but you still hear it, and you give him a scathing look, finally too tired of this push and pull game that’s been going on behind the scenes for nearly three years now.

“I did. I waited over an hour here for you, but you didn’t show up or even text me that you were gonna be late. Yukhei was nice enough to offer to go with me.”

He stays silent, and you gnaw on your bottom lip, unsure of what to say next. Yukhei looks at you in concern, but you reach up and squeeze his hand reassuringly, which your best friend doesn’t fail to notice, his lips pressing into an even thinner line.

“I don’t understand what the deal is,” you finally burst out, startling both boys. “What’s the big deal about me and Yukhei going out?”

Something inside of him finally snaps. “The big deal is that you’re basically sleeping through my list of friends and then breaking up with them! First Dejun, then Jeno, now Yukhei? Who’s next? Should I give Renjun a heads up? Pencil you into his planner? Or Sicheng?  Sungchan? You have a class with him, so you’re bound to flirt with him, too, right? When are you gonna stop fucking around with my frien—”

He gasps, stopping mid-outburst as he stares at you in disbelief. Apple cider slides down from his hair, dripping onto his face and soaking into his sweater, the sticky juice clinging to his skin uncomfortably. You’re absolutely seething, the empty cup crackling in your clenched fist. Shocked, Yukhei carefully tugs the plastic away from you and places it on the table before replacing it with his own hand, his thumb caressing circles on the back of your hand soothingly. Yangyang doesn’t dare to meet his furious gaze, lifting his chin to look at you instead. The entire room has hushed down by now, all eyes staring directly at the three of you in a mixture of surprise and slight terror.

“Screw you, Yangyang,” you say lowly, voice shaking with anger. Tears form on the edge of your waterline, but you blink them away before hastily brushing a stray droplet from your cheek. “They asked me out. I said yes. We went out. It didn’t work out. We move on. Just like how you’ve gone out with my  friends. And they didn’t work out, so you moved on. So what’s so wrong about that? What’s so wrong about trying again to find love?”

He can’t answer you, curling his hands into fists until his fingernails indent miniature crescents in his palms—until the pain overtakes the feelings that are threatening to spill from his heart. Yangyang may not be yours, but he doesn’t like the fact that he can’t call you his either.

Love. That’s what you want, that’s what you crave, but not if it’s from him. So what is he supposed to do with love that’s unwanted? It’s bursting at the seams, and he has nowhere to hide it anymore.

He loves you in December.

AUGUST 2021.

August sneaks up on you this time around, and you find yourself in Kunhang’s apartment. All of your close friends are here, starting the last year of youth with one final first day party. You think back to that day three years ago: when your eyes met a pair of equally bright ones for the first time.

Curled up next to Yukhei on the couch, you look across the room and meet those very same eyes, although they seem hazier this time around. Lia is wrapped around his arm, and you think it’s quite ironic how both your and his relationships remain the same after all this time. Perhaps you both were bad luck for each other, leading to the other’s demise with short lived relationships. He looks away from you.

The rules of truth or dare are simple. You cannot ask the same person again until three other people have been asked first, and no one can be asked more than three times in each round. And, for reasons you can’t understand, everyone seems to take the code of truth seriously.

“I’ll start,” Kunhang announces, leaning back in one of the several beanbags he has in his place. “Goeun, truth or dare?”

Goeun sighs, leaning back on the palms of her hands. “Dare.”

“You and Mark, seven minutes in heaven.” Hendery points towards the coat closet, and the immediate reaction of hoots and wolf whistles has the girl rolling her eyes. With an exasperated huff, she stands up and pulls a red faced Mark along with her.

“Wait, you gotta pick the next person!” Donghyuck calls out, and she stops in her tracks, throwing open the closet door and shrugging. “You can choose for me.”

With that, she and Mark disappear behind the door, and Donghyuck turns toward the rest of the group, eyes glimmering mischievously. You pay no attention to him, absentmindedly playing with Yukhei’s fingers. You tug one of his rings off his finger, and he smiles, plucking it from your grasp carefully before holding your hand. He carefully slides it onto your right ring finger, but it falls off. Grinning, he pretends to try it on every single one of your fingers until finally settling on your thumb. The ring fits snugly there, and you admire it, wriggling your thumb around.

“Well, look at that. It fits you. I think that means we’re meant to be,” Yukhei says, smiling broadly, and you laugh, interlocking your fingers with his again before glancing down at the silver engraved band resting on your finger. The weight of the metal feels heavy resting against your knuckle.

“Yangyang, truth or dare.”

Donghyuck’s voice cuts through your thoughts, and you instinctively perk up in your seat at the sound of his name before freezing up in your spot. Yukhei squeezes your hand softly, and you tighten your grip around his fingers.

“Truth.”

“You’re no fun,” Donghyuck sighs, slouching back against the armrest. Yukhei leans over and whispers something in his ear before settling back next to you, shifting slightly to wrap his arm around you. Donghyuck lifts an eyebrow at your boyfriend before shrugging. “Okay, here’s an easy one. Are you in love…”

“Yes.”  is his immediate response, and you notice how Lia absolutely preens next to him.

“… with Y/N?”

Your breath hitches in your throat, and you immediately turn your head to look at Yukhei, your eyes growing wide in horror. He looks apologetic, shoulders drooping. “I’m sorry, but just the way he looks at you, it’s so obvious, and I had to know.”

You whip around to face the boy in question. With bated breath, you look at him, but Yangyang stares at the center of the floor, struggling internally. Everyone is quiet, and it reminds you of the calm before a storm. At last, he looks up, gazing right at you, and you can almost swear that you see those pretty little gold flecks in his irises from here.

“Yes,” Yangyang confesses quietly.

There’s almost a collective gasp rippling through the room, and Yukhei lets out an inaudible swear under his breath. Your grip on his hand grows slack as you fumble to get a grasp on the entire situation.

He loves you. He loves you. He loves you.

The words echo in your mind like a mantra until it grows so loud that you can’t hear any of your own thoughts anymore. Lia is in absolute hysterics, demanding an explanation from him, but he merely shrugs her off. Standing up, he quickly moves to leave the room, glancing at you one more time before disappearing out the front door.

It’s like your body is on auto-pilot after this. You drop Yukhei’s hand, immediately standing up and rushing after your best friend, paying no mind to the hushed whispers that only seem to increase in volume once you leave. You step out onto the porch, and there he is, sitting on the steps.

You quietly stand behind him, contemplating what to say and carefully choosing your next words. But there’s only one question on your mind.

“Why did you say that?”

He stays silent for a moment, staring out at the moon shining brightly ahead. “Because I meant it.”

Your heart wrenches in your chest. “You shouldn’t.”

He finally turns to look at you, an indescribable look in his eyes. It reminds you of heartbreak. “But I do. And I tried not to for the past three fucking years, but I can’t anymore.”

“Since freshman year?” You feel the tears well up in your eyes, and this time, you let them go. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Yangyang grips onto the edge of the stairs tightly, frustration ringing with every word that falls from his mouth. “Because I was scared. And I thought you never felt the same way. You’re my best friend, and I didn’t want to lose you.”

“Yang…” You whisper, hand reaching out as you let it hover over his shoulder for a few seconds. Then, you pull back, curling your fingers into fists, pressing crescent indentations into the palms of your hands.

He stands up, whirling around to look at you, desperate. “Tell me I’m not too late. Please, Y/N.”

Something inside of you breaks. You open your mouth and start to say something when the door opens behind you. Turning around, you see Yukhei. His eyes widen when he sees the two of you standing there.

You know this is it. This is the moment. This is where you have to decide.

“I, I was just looking for you. I wanted to make sure you’re okay.” Yukhei awkwardly rubs the back of his neck, taking a step back. “I’m sorry, I’m gonna go back in and—”

“No, wait, it’s okay,” you gently interrupt him. You reach out and slip your hand into his, and he relaxes, giving you a relieved smile. You smile softly back at your boyfriend before turning to face him, eyes apologetic.

“I’m sorry, Yangyang.”

He and you are asymptotes: two lines curving towards each other, but never touching; two hands reaching towards each other, but never interlocking; two people tangling their red strings of fate, but never tying.

You give him one last glance before going back inside with Yukhei.

You break his heart in August.

SEPTEMBER 2021.

September is supposed to be a new beginning: the transition from summer to autumn. Yangyang doesn’t think he can let go of you as easily as the trees shed their green for gold and red. Wherever he goes, wherever he looks, little reminders of you bloom in every crevice. You’re absolutely everywhere and nowhere, and it drives him crazy.

He thinks he’s gone completely insane when he hears your laugh while he’s walking to the laundromat one day. He shoves his airpods in and continues on his way until he sees you. Walking across the street, there you are. You’re on the phone with someone, and he contemplates going over to say hello. But suddenly, you’re hanging up the phone and waving eagerly at someone. When he turns his head to look, his heart drops and gets buried six feet under. He hurriedly ducks into a nearby bookstore and watches as you run up to Yukhei, slipping your hand into his like it’s second nature to you now. The two of you walk off together, and Yangyang is left standing at the window of the store until the shop owner politely asks if there’s anything he needs.

He doubts a time machine is something they have in stock, so he silently shakes his head and steps out onto the street once again. It is now silent and empty.

He loses you in September.

AUGUST 2022.

A lot can change in eleven months.

You’re twenty two years old, but you feel like you’re eighteen again. You know you’re going to see him for the first time since September at Kun’s housewarming. You had repeatedly assured Yukhei that you’d be fine. After all, life goes on; the world doesn’t stop just because you had a falling out with your best friend, even if it may have been a little more than that. Nevertheless, a year has nearly passed. Time is known to be the best healer, and perhaps your heart has shed its old skin and habits.

Your hand is safely enveloped in Yukhei’s, and the two of you walk towards your older friend’s new apartment. He playfully swings your interlocked hands back and forth, and you giggle, tightening your grip around his fingers. You stop in front of the door, the muffled sounds of a party slipping through the cracks. You suck in a breath, shoulders tensed. He’s in there.

“Are you okay?”

Yukhei squeezes your hand gently, voice laced with concern. You remember to breathe, exhaling slowly and relaxing before nodding. You smile up at him. “I’m okay.”

“If you want, we can go back home now, have another NCIS marathon, and drink this by ourselves.” Yukhei waves around the nice bottle of wine the two of you had brought for Kun. “We can even stop by the convenience store and get some ramen.”

You laugh quietly, the corners of your lips upturning with mirth. “It’s okay, I’m fine, Yukhei, I promise. Plus, I have you, right?”

He brightens up at that, practically beaming at you, and your heart skips a beat. “Right!”

You reach out and knock on the door. Kun greets the two of you, and you enter his apartment. Yukhei still doesn’t let go of your hand, and you follow behind him as you weave your way through the living room, greeting some of your friends. You hear Kunhang calling out to your boyfriend from the kitchen and feel him hesitate next to you. You squeeze his hand gently before letting go and nudging him in the direction of his friend. Yukhei gives you one last look, but you wave him off, smiling goodnaturedly and silently assuring that you’re okay. He swoops down and leaves behind a soft kiss for you before going.

You walk over to the alcohol table, pouring yourself something to drink. Leaning against the wall, you take a sip of your drink, your eyes flitting over the rim of your cup and slowly scanning the room. It feels like forever, like everything is moving in slow motion, like the world is submerged underwater, but it couldn’t have been more than a few seconds.

You find him easily. After all, it’s hard to forget someone whose features you’ve memorized over the past four years. Your eyes map the delicate outline of his face once more, and for a moment, you wonder if red is still his favorite color, or who he shares a carton of Ben and Jerry’s with nowadays. You wonder if he thinks of you sometimes, too.

But then, you wonder where Yukhei is. You search around until you see your boyfriend still standing in the kitchen, laughing at something your mutual friend said. Your eyes soften when you see him grab your favorite snack. You turn back around, your heart swelling in your chest tenfold, and your lips curl upwards, an endeared expression on your face.

That’s when you notice that he’s looking at you.

You brace yourself, waiting for the tidal wave of emotions to wash over you and the quickening of your heart rate to greet you like an old friend. Because that’s what always happens when you’re around him. After all, he is the biggest what-if in your life. He is someone you almost loved forever, someone you almost stayed for.

And yet, nothing happens. You wait a little longer. The world still goes round, and you’re still breathing. There’s no shortness of breath, no erratic heart palpitations, no sweaty palms, absolutely nothing. Liu Yangyang is a stranger in a familiar body, and your heart remains still.

You give Yangyang a faint smile, nodding towards him, and it feels like a sudden jolt in his heart. Time stops, and all he can see is you. You look beautiful. You have always been beautiful. This is his chance. Whatever higher entity out there has taken pity on him and given him a second try to make it right. He finally takes a step towards you, and the tender, encouraging expression in your eyes gives him the strength to take another one. After all, the eyes are the windows to the soul. Clutching his drink in hand, he pushes his way through the crowd. He’s only eight, seven, six, five steps away from you now. A smile grows on his face as relief curls around his heart like a bandage. You’re standing there, waiting for him, smiling at him.

And suddenly, you’re no longer looking at him.

You stopped looking at him.

Yukhei makes his presence known next to you, excitedly chattering about something and gesturing towards the kitchen as he hands you something to eat. It’s a snickerdoodle cookie. Your favorite. Your eyes are fixated on the tall boy, positively sparkling as you beam at him.

Yangyang feels like he can’t breathe. The bandage is ripped off, and all he can feel is excruciating pain like a thousand pinpricks into his heart before the numbness hits. He freezes, rooting himself in that spot on the scratched hardwood floor as his colleagues and friends continue to jostle around him. As his world crumbles around him, he can’t tear his eyes away from you. They stay on you, the barest traces of nostalgia lingering in the dimmed golden flecks of his irises that you had still admired all those months ago. It’s like he’s trapped in a silent film, stuck in a fish bowl and swimming in circles, and he watches in horror as you outstretch your hand and intertwine your fingers around Yukhei’s, leaning up to press your lips against his tenderly. Your boyfriend looks at you like you hung the stars in the night sky yourself (He would believe it if you said you did).

You don’t look at him like that anymore.

Yangyang remembers when you used to. When you used to love him. When you were almost his. He feels something inside of him break for a second time.

The world continues to spin, and yet, he’s still not moving. He’s stuck in quicksand, sinking deeper and deeper as everyone around him moves on—as you move on. He desperately tries to keep you in his view, and his feet finally pick up as he lurches forward. He’s not fast enough. You’re slipping away, walking away from him, hand in hand with Yukhei, disappearing around the corner of the hallway, and he can’t do anything about it. It’s too late. He’s too late. The sticky remnants of cheap beer run down his wrist, and it finally registers in his mind that he had crushed the flimsy plastic cup in his hand sometime in between now and then. In a crowded room full of people, he’s left standing there, alone and lonely.

Almost is the worst way to love someone, Yangyang bitterly realizes. It hurts to lose someone you almost love. No, it was never an ‘almost’. He most certainly loved—loves—you. And it should be impossible to lose someone who was never his to begin with, yet he has. All this time, he thought he had you, but it had always been the other way around.

He was your August, he was your everything, and he is yours.

But you will never be his.

You let go of him in August.

[diedbutterflies69]

Will you stay?- Bang Chan imagine.

Contains: friends to lovers au. , Divorce, smut, fluff, blindfolding, oral sex, explicit sexual stuff etc . Minors don't interact.

Never once on your life, you thought you could get your shit together and laugh genuinely at the worst in world. falling out of love is worse but it's even more worse if it's your it's not you who fell out of love. Married at 22 and the honeymoon phase hardly lasted for a year and by the age of 26 got yourself labelled as a woman who sabotaged her own marriage in thirst of money. Your ex husband was bitter about your success even before you got married. He thought as a woman, you just did bare minimum and got yourself a high positioned rank by sleeping with one of the rich rags. You tried hard enough to hold on to that rotten red string , but he had the scissors and just cut you off. You weren't willing to sacrifice your career just because of his Immature mindset, yes you loved him, but can't a women love her own hard achieved success more? That's the question you wished to ask everyone who pointed there fingers at you. After divorce you didn't feel pain just numbness. Your self-hatred coming more stronger than ever, even hating the job, you tried Saving since years, getting life on track seemed impossible and at the end just quitted. Moved out of the city just to move back to your home town, the root of your real pain. It wasn't really a town but rather a more flashy city, expensive shits which you were unable to afford in childhood but now it wasn't any big deal. Earth is round and sometimes precious people find you all by themselves. Your highschool friend, the only friend you had throughout your lifetime because of your anti social tactics.

Bang Chan, the social butterfly who almost knew every single student in whole school, he was the hottest guy you ever saw in your life and also the kindest. You had crush on him even before you both were friends, he was your senior,used to help you with those shitty math sums, crack jokes every now and then and scolded you whenever you procrastinated. He came to congratulate you even on your graduation day, even though there were many more students whom he met you were still glad atleast someone bought you a beautiful bouquet of tulips and bellflower. The last time you saw him was before you moved out in search of cheap collages without informing him, as you thought you were just one of many friends he had and won't ever notice someone like you existed.

But god, how much wrong you were.

You met Chan after almost 9 years in convince store and his reaction was almost priceless , like finding treasure. He was now more handsome, beautiful and god-like even after all this years his style of dressing didn't Changed much, he still looked like Kim Kardashian at 2021 met Gala. nevertheless his smile still had those healing properties with his Cresent moon eyes. He was absolutely stunning.

The first sentence he spoke after confirming your identity was 'I missed you' and then tons of lectures and questions . Knowing how narrow-minded you were he gasped dramatically. Cheesiest ways of saying how could I forget my best friend and so on. That day was probably the best day of your life and maybe even the day after years you really smiled. You both exchanged numbers and addresses and his home was just 10 minutes away from yours. Destiny indeed.

Now it's been over 7 months since you met Chan again and he never made you felt like you were just one of his 109 friends. Chan made you feel special, after knowing what kind of disaster you faced he was even more supporting of you, you both used to spend weekend together watching variety of shows and movies going to stargazing, best friend goals. After many years you knew even if Chan had many people to confide with he never really did. He was alone, just a night owl obsessed with work. You were happy. And he was happy too. Being just friends was enough for you, but not for him . He was slowly trying to find courage to confess his love to you. He liked you fuck from highschool days. He found you once randomly staring at him across the room and when you suddenly disappeared all his fantasies were scattered, he knew your dreams and was willing to help you with your every step. knowing how messed up your household was from your neighbours he felt guilty for not being able to give you happiness. He loved you, but was helded by his own insecurities.

Not anymore though, he wasn't the same coward who just stared at the love of his life from distance. Being the extra human he was, he bought you one of the most expensive restaurant of the whole country, man was loaded. After driving for almost 5 hours you both finally reached there .

Now a nervous Chan sitting infront of you. You being oblivious to the fact that he has a beautiful diamond ring and a confession to make. Chan handed you the menu card and every single dish had an extraordinary name, without much thought you placed the order.

"atleast tell me now, why are we here?" You asked the man infront of you who was behaving extra weird today, he looked sick and was occassionally asking you random questions.

"No reason, I was in mood for long drives and... You know have a nice meal" Chan said fidgeting with his fingers he was acting like a flustered high school guy it was clearly indicating that he was lying but you didn't really care, Chan was weird sometimes.

"Sounds fake, but okay. By the way you aren't sick right?" You asked Chan out of pure concern as he was sweating profusely even in an cold AC room.

"I am fine, just feeling a little hot. Don't worry", Chan said it was more like he was convincing himself that he was fine and shouldn't worry. He wasn't a teenager but a human with responsibilities who once again fell for someone out of his league, he used to think that and he still sees you as a literal goddess. While he was lost deep in his thoughts, the waiter came with food , and this was his opportunity to shoot his arrow. You both started eating and talked like being in paradise.

"did you liked anyone in highschool?", Chan asked you out of blue making you almost choke on food. The only person whom you liked throughout your highschool days was the guy sitting infront of you and you didn't really remembered much guys and the best answer was probably saying a lie with little truth.

"no one lol", you answered trying to sound chilled but since highschool crush topic was out you weren't able to keep your curiosity with yourself.

"What about you, liked someone?", You asked trying to sound nonchalant and not desperate and bitter.

This was the Exactly the conversation that Chan planned in his mind. And here started his way to either heaven or pit of rejection.

"I loved someone", Chan said and you this time you really choked from the depth of your heart, you thought Chan was anti romantic type of guy as he never talked about of his female friends with you or bragged about his non existent dating life. Trying again to not sound jealous or bitter you spoke again.

" Who was that lucky bit-- I mean girl yes girl? Who was she?", You asked, almost letting out the bitch loudly. You weren't sure but you saw Chan smiling cheekily, he was really getting old acting weird more and more everyday.

"Well... Someone from our school",Chan said and you swear you didn't made a disgusting face showing pure jealousy. The best human in your life and your first ever crush had crush on somebody, you didn't knew why you were feeling so fucking bitter but you weren't able to handle the curiosity anymore.

"Tell me her damn name", you asked Chan in a frustrating tone not being able to keep jealousy to yourself.

"Why you being angry", Chan asked followed by his small laugh.

"I am angry, just the food was a little spicy you answer me now, her name?", You answered Chan with your defenses up and still sticking with your previous question.

Chan in response got a little serious now,you thought he was being childish now, he wasn't a kid who was given a dare to name out his crush yet he was acting like one.

"You won't leave me right, I mean after I answer your question?", Chan asked you and you didn't knew what to say in response you were now a little sus about him.

"fine don't answer, keep secrets", you said and continued eating. The next thing Chan said made you now choke and die on food.

"I loved you and I still love you" Chan said looking down at the table head hanging down like his teenage self just confessed he watched porn infront of his parents. You were shocked, frozen and the your heartbeat 10x faster, you didn't knew how to react and tried to find humor in this extraordinary situation.

"Chan, you kidding right?", You asked Chan with a nervous smile on your face. Chan looked up at you , his eyes trying to find yours but you avoided the eye contact.

"I am serious, I liked you from HighSchool times, I saw you for the first time in library when you were looking at me, I swear you were so beautiful and even now after all this years after seeing you I can't, I can't help but fall for you all over again, sorry"

Chan confessed, his voice filled with sincerity and vulnerability his sentences were scattered here and there and incomplete explanation but still you understood everything he really poured his heart to you, you felt like crying even if you both weren't such stupid cowards back then, then today you won't have turned out a divorced women and Chan a guy who grew out lonely even if he had a world for him.

"What should I say Chan?", You asked Chan you were sounding like a girl whose bf told her to breakup even if the situation was exact opposite. Even if you love Chan , you didn't think about him reciprocating same feelings back to you. You were beyond insecure with your love emotions. One thing was sure you won't be able to love Chan without being a bundle on him. Your emotion Baggage was too big and you didn't want Chan to get his heart too with your stupid emotions.

"I love you and I will be really really good to you. Please try staying with me I will try really hard to earn space in your heart, please?" His confession was like literally begging. You weren't able to believe if he was real or not, if it was a dream that will end as soon as cruel morning comes, this felt like fantasy. Chan was a amazing man, he had everything money ,honour ,beauty a nice heart. He was like a character written by women so perfect so delicate yet strong, and he loves you this fact was enough for to lose your mind. but you thought you were a taint to his beauty, you were a character full of inferior complexes and a person too easy to dislike thats what illusion you made about yourself. A random extra in her own story.

"I will pay the bill, let's talk later", you said and walked away immediately to pay the bill leaving a clueless and disheartened human behind. Chan was able to see how you stopped yourself from saying love you too and throwing yourself in his arms. He wasn't same from HighSchool a guy who gets overwhelmed by his own emotions and gets unable to see others. He knew you had atleast a small space for him in your heart and to make a big room for himself he had to throw out all your insecurities and self hatred. He followed you like a lost puppy and he wanted to pay for food but you already did and now you were already out of restaurant searching for his car to get back.

Chan sitted beside you, without doing anything silence and awkward air surrounding you both.

"start the car", you said breaking down the silence, you were extremely worthless and trash as you made the only one person whom you love feel like nothing.

"Just answer me, will you try dating me please", Chan said his voice again passing draggers into your heart. Trying to form any logical explanation you spoke again.

"I am not looking for relationship right now, see Chan you are amazing, but I can't make you happy now and did you forgot that I am divorced, please understand" you said expressing your real insecurities and fear, fear of not being able to keep a man happy.

"you don't want relationship because you divorced that fucking trash of a man?", Chan asked he was getting frustrated you thought but he just wanted to make you happy and not deny what your heart wants.

"my mind isn't stable, I might just irritate you everytime with my mood, you will will get tired of me and leave me -- I don't want to be alone again I will die if you leave me", you confessed tears threatening to fall out of your eyes there wasn't any doubt that you loved Chan he filled the void in you in just months made you happy but you didn't wanted to just take and take and give nothing in return. Chan's hand found yours interlocking your fingers with so much delicateness that you might cry.

"you think so low of me, just stay by my side I will make you so happy that you will hardly get time to think about your past, trust me", Chan said his fingers slightly lifting your chin up to look into your eyes, you looked in his eyes filled with so much care and this was your last straw before breaking down in his arms.

"I love you, I love you so fuckin much, you were my first love my only friend, my everything, please-- please love me", you confessed tightening your arms around Chan, his scent making you feel safe and like home, his one caressing your hair and other wiping away the tears. Even though the scene was more like a dramatic clique scene whatever emotions you both felt was unexplainable.

"So you my girlfriend now hmm?"Chan asked you for first time in night his voice containing pure happiness and excitement.

"I have a sexy boyfriend", you said smiling from ear to ear against Chan's chest. The label boyfriend making your heart flutter, you didn't knew happiness like this can even exist.

"My love", Chan said his voice sweeter than honey, suddenly the night was more starry."now can we go home?" You asked Chan finally breaking the hug, reality hitted you now Home was 3- 4 hours away.

"I made a reservation in hotel, we gonna spend night there", Chan casually said making your heart jump out of your chest.

"pervert, you planned everything seriously", you said dramatically and giving him a playful digusting look.

"I booked two rooms", Chan said now starting the engine making you feel embarrassed. "Who is pervert now~" Chan said in air teasing you more.

The rest of the ride you both talked about anything and everything. Confessing how you used to find ways to always be in each others vision etc. Both of you finding a new thirsty side of each other. Nothing felt uncomfortable, it was happiness those inhumane laughs crazy tricks you both used to pull everything was heaven. After some time you both reached infront of a gaint hotel , it looked expensive af but regardless Chan knew how to waste money and you were tired of lecturing him about savings.

"let's go", Chan said removing your seatbelt and getting out of car to open the door for ya. He was being so cheesy gentleman and you were enjoying every minute.

"room 42 and 43" Chan said to the receptionist and she handed two keys to him. Thanking her then getting on elevator, you were a little disappointed that you weren't sharing room with Chan, yes you were pervert and total simp for Chan, he was too hot and your sexual drive was getting higher each passing second. The elevator doors opened and you got off. Chan handed you the room key and softly kissed your forehead, both you wished it was your lips.

"if you want anything, just knock okay?" Chan said in his lovely tone, I want you you internally screamed, nevertheless you gave him a nod and got inside that expensive room .

Starring at the ceiling while lying on the bed your mind was full of Chan, you knew he wasn't probably sleeping and was wasting time in watching random shit on internet and you were hungry, hungry for Chan, it wasn't your fault that Chan was so hot. Trying to fall asleep and fidgeting here to there you finally decided to knock on Chan's room door. A danger zone. You noticed how the door flunged open in less than few seconds.

"Hi" you said scratching back of your head and trying to think what next to say.

"Hi..?"Chan said being confused.

"there is cockroach in my room, let me stay with you" you said a clear white lie. Taking impulsive action were never good for you.Chan sighed before opening the door fully and signalling you to come. This was your happiest day ever.

"whY you lying", Chan asked you as you plopped yourself on sofa besides bed. He asked the sentence in a sarcastic way.

"Do you you wanna kiss me?", You asked Chan with a straight serious face catching him off-guard, you didn't wanted to waste more time, you wanted to do everything with Chan, yes fucking on first day of dating was a little too early but you fantasized about this gorgeous man since ages, in your eyes he looked total dom but his reaction to your question was making you doubt your thoughts.

"Are you sure", Chan asked you clearing his throat.

"Are you virgin?"you asked Chan, he was being too nervous.

"Obviously not"Chan answered you in duh tone, rolling his eyes. And it was getting awkward.

"The cockroach must have gone by now I should go, bye", you blabbered and got up ready to leave, you were about to open the door but Chan grabbed your hand and before you knew anything his hands were on your cheeks cupping them softly and his lips so close to yours, Chan's eyes were looking straight in your orbs , your heartbeat stronger than ever.

"Can I?", Chan asked your consent his thumb softly brushing against your lower lip. This man had totally made you insane, something stirred inside you. Chan was perfect he was everything you wished. You gave him a small nod and slowly his lips touched against yours, you wanted to cry, his lips felt so good, he didn't rushed his movements everything was happening in slow motion, he holded you with such a vulnerability like he was afraid that you will go, your hand reached his head, fingers moving through his soft locks. You felt his tongue inside your mouth , you felt a electricity run down your body when the kiss deepened.

We kiss again. The next kiss is the kind that breaks open the sky. It steals my breath and gives it back. It shows me that every other kiss I’ve had in my life has been wrong.

Breaking the kiss Reluctantly in need of air, Chan rested his forehead against yours. He was hot almost like burning, sweating.

"Why are you so nervous, Chan?", You asked Chan hugging him tightly clinging like the last leaf to the tree.

"I am scared, I just love you", He said engulfing you in his arms. And you Finally felt, what real love feels like.

"Love you too", you replied softly.

"Do you wanna continue..?"Chan asked you his tone little less scared.

"Off course", you said looking at him with smile, something inside you told it was okay to let out your freaky side infront of Chan. Chan smiled back and suddenly turned you around , the large bed infront of you.

"Lie down there",Chan whispered in your ears , his low register sending shivers down your spine. This was exactly how you pictured Chan to be, your inner submissive almost died. You followed Chan's word and laid on your back on the bed, now you were feeling like a virgin. His eyes roaming through the room in search of something.

"Are you okay with being blindfolded?", Chan asked you as he came back with the tie he wore today and was rolling it slightly in his palms, and you swear you never saw a man so hot in your entire life. Getting blindfolded was one of your unfulfilled kinks.

"ye- yes", you replied your tone filled with thrill and excitement. Chan came back to you standing near you, his hand softly cupped your cheeks , before bringing the tie to use it in sinistrous way tonight. The cloth felt strange to your eyes, his cologne smell hitting you and Chan caught your shy smile, His heart felt so fluffy. Tieing a comfortable knot Chan sat on bed near your waist. His hands slowly crept near your stomach leaving a direct lingering touch on the sensitive skin, eventually going upwards while giving a little squeeze to add stimulation, his hands reached your boobs, you didn't wore bra, and he wasn't surprised maybe your nipples perked up enough to get noticed, his middle and index finger Rolling your sensitive bundle of nerves, the blindfold making his every touch more intense, your breath was heavy you let out a suprised moan when Chan gropped your right boob in an erotic way, this sole action increasing your wetness down there you were getting impatient. You moaned his name a little loudly when his lips came in contact with your sensitive neck, sucking in a painful way, inorder to leave a hickey.

"Should I touch you here", Chan asked you as his hand reached to your area where you needed him to the most, hands going directly inside your panties ,but not touching he was a teaser.

"yes please", you moaned almost breathlessly too tired of intense foreplay. You just wanted Chan to rip off your clothes and fuck you till sunrise. Getting satisfaction with your answer Chan finally removed every clothing of your lower body, leaving you completely bare, all at his mercy. His finger moved up and down on your opening , the wetness making Chan easily slip his one finger deep inside you.

" my baby is so wet, because of who?", Chan asked you as his finger was moving slowly inside of you and thumb rubbing circles on the bundle of nerves.

"because of.. you", you admitted without any hesitation trying to grind yourself on his hand, begging for more.

"Good", Chan said and without saying anything he added another finger inside you moving a little faster inside your cunt, rubbing your walls with a little pressure, scissoring them inside you painfully and making way for a third finger too and by then you were a complete moaning mess, his fingers were pleasure yet torture the blindfold making your senses weak. Mind full of whatever Cham was giving you. Your legs were shaking sign of your orgasm approaching you, by one hand Chan holded your thighs tightly to their place fingers now moving more faster to make you reach the peak of pleasure.

"Chan.. I--I-I-- wanna cum please", you moaned your little squeaks and begs almost making Chan's cock cum right inside boxers. With some final thrust of his fingers, you cummed the hardest you could imagine, squeaky sounds coming as Chan was fingering you through your orgasm, you almost crying from overstimulation. Moaning his name like a chant.

"you did well",Chan praised you finally removing his fingers from you leaving you empty, but it won't have last wrong. Chan removed your blindfold , the bright lights hurting your eyes, you adjusted your vision and the image of Chan sucking his wet fingers coated with your liquid came directly in front of your eyes. Letting out a helpless whine.

Chan plopped himself on knees on either side of your thighs, finally letting his cock out, leaking with precum, and he was big, thick , you didn't thought he could get even hotter.

"Ready baby?", Chan asked you as he fully undressed himself as well as removing your top, your mind hazey . The scene which you pictured since highschool finally happening.

"yes", you replied Chan, he came down to kiss you passionately and slowly entering inside you. You moaned painfully, tears pulling your vision, it was a painful pleasure. Chan kissed away your tears and hand interlocking with yours after finally being fully inside you he started to move at slow pace.

"you feel so good Chan", almost screaming from pleasure, your whines were fuel to Chan's ego and he increased the pace. Body slapping sound filling the room, his groans were most sexy thing you ever heard. Again and again his tip hitting your deepest spots.

"I am close", you moaned out breathlessly, pleasure becaming too much to handle .you released around his cock, reaching the peak second time at night.

After giving a few more thrusts Chan cummed at your stomach, he was still sane enough to not curse you with kids while being lost in pleasure."I love you", he said as he settled beside you hugging you tightly. This was heaven.

"love you too", you said , your voice a little hoarse.

"by the way I forgot that I bought a ring to propose you", Chan said, realisation hitting him, that he forgot to say the long ass paragraph that he was supposed to say while sitting on one knee. You smiled at his guilty face.

"don't worry, propose me after having shower", you said heart filled with pure joy and happiness . Happiness of knowing that You love someone who will always love you back.

[extravaguk]

sex education 2.0

pairing: college!au, jungkook x reader

summary: "Are you calling me boring?" Jungkook gasps dramatically, looking at you dumbfounded and visibly offended. You roll your eyes, taking a napkin and leaning forward to wipe the crumbs of garlic bread on his lips.

"First of all, don't talk with your mouth full, you pig. Second of all," you stop to take a sip of your coke, aware of Jungkook's expectant eyes on you. "A little, yeah." 

wordcount: 9k

genre: smut - angst(? not rlly - fluff, like tons bc im a slut for fluff

rated: m (duh!2.0)

warnings: alcohol and weed consumption, just jk and tae being bros having bro convos, switch!reader, switch!jk, but mostly dom!jk, dirty talk, glimpses of poorly written bdsm, reader being a jealous and ‘insecure little bitch’ (her words, not mine),slapping (dont worry i tried to make it funny), how i met your mother spoilers (sorry im a gemini i spoil shit), spanking, degradation kink, back at it again with the spit kink, slight anal play, beware!of jungkook being a sweetheart, a lil mean at the end but a sweetheart nontheless.

read sex education here!

Three months of being in an actual commitment with Jeon Jungkook, your brother's partner in crime since the young age of five and, therefore, a common denominator throughout your childhood and teenage years, has proven to you a few things you never knew you would discover about the boy himself: Jeon Jungkook is definitely not what you thought him to be. 

You thought growing up with him would've been enough telltale about everything that made Jungkook be, well, Jungkook. He wasn't as immature as you had believed prior to the beginning of your relationship, he was funnier than you remembered -although maybe you found him funnier now that Taehyung wasn't in the picture to interfere with infantile inside jokes that you never were able to grasp-, and smarter than he had ever let you known before. Although you're sure the main reason his grades had started to improve was solely you and the way you rewarded him by opening your legs everytime he passed an exam. 

But above all, if there was something that had truly surprised you about Jeon Jungkook was the fact that he was truly an absolutely and undeniably softie.  

You loved it. Loved the random scribbled love notes he sometimes left in your backpack before kissing you goodbye to leave for his own class, loved the Spotify playlists he made exclusively just for you -with genres that varied between sappy and romantic and wanting to tear your 'wet ass pussy' in two-, loved the late night texts filled with emojis telling you how much he missed you when both of you were too busy doing assignments and studying to see each other -even if it hadn't even been 48 hours since you last saw each other-. You loved how careful and sweet and thoughtful he was. You really did. 

But.

"Are you calling me boring?" Jungkook gasps dramatically, looking at you dumbfounded and visibly offended. You roll your eyes, taking a napkin and leaning forward to wipe the crumbs of garlic bread on his lips.

"First of all, don't talk with your mouth full, you pig. Second of all," you stop to take a sip of your coke, aware of Jungkook's expectant eyes on you. "A little, yeah." His mouth falls open and you supress a laugh. You really shouldn't be enjoying this so much, but there's something about Jungkook's reaction to his ego being bruised and that terribly adorable pout on his face that just makes your insides tingle with joy. 

"What do you mean? I've had plenty of girls in bed before you, like a whole lot, and none of them have ever called me boring! They loved this adventurous and fun dick, alright? Why do you think-" you raise a brow, scrutinizingly. It still amazes you how with just a simple expression and no words needed, you can make all color from Jungkook's face banish and how quick he is to reach for your hand across his bed. "But I only love youuuu, and you're the best thing that has ever happened to me and my dick like, baby, have I mentioned how head over heels I'm for you?"

"Only like five times today." rolling your eyes again, you pull your hand from his to toy with the peperoni piece on your slice of pizza. Jungkook swallows the lump in his throat, he was starting to get truly concerned now. You couldn't possibly...?

"Are you not satisfied? I mean, do I not make you feel good or...?" there's clear worry in his voice and that makes you meet his eyes, shaking your head hurriedly. Now it's you who take his hand in yours.  

"No! No, babe. I love sex with you! I love everything you do to me, I love how you treat me, I love how you make me feel. I'm a hundred percent satisfied, I swear, It's just..." you sigh, dropping your gaze to rub slow and reassuring circles to the ink adorning his skin. "All I'm saying is... I may also want to experience what all those girls have experienced with you, y'know... the not so vanilla stuff. But you always seem to be scared to try new things with me, and I don't know if it's because of m-"

"Baby," Jungkooks soft voice calls out to you, removing the pizza box in between the two of you to slide closer to you on the mattress. He craddles your face with his fingers, tilting your chin up to make eye contact with you. "_____, don't say that. I just don't ever want to cross any boundaries. I don't want to hurt you or do anything you might not like or regret later, you know that, right?" placing a small kiss on your lips, you hum in content nodding your head yes.

"I know that." you pull him for another brief kiss, oddly not caring about the faint taste of garlic and spice on them because that's what love will do to you. "But what if I do want you to hurt me? What if I want you to fuck my mouth with no mercy until I cry and slap my face after you've cum all over it while you call me a slut?" you pause, eyes meeting his through your eyelashes. "Or viceversa."

It's not that Jungkook is afraid. Because Jungkook is afraid of nothing in this world. He will murder any spider in his way, he will throw a punch to anyone who denies mint chocolate ice cream as the superior ice cream flavour -and he knows that means he will have to literally fight like the entire population on planet earth-, and he will Rey Mysterio you if you ever discredit or deny his incredible skills playing Overwatch.

Jeon Jungkook prides himself in being fearless in every aspect of his life. Except when it comes to you. 

So yeah, maybe he was a little afraid. Because hearing you use the words 'choke', 'slap' and 'slut' in the same sentence did things to him that he didn't deem possible considering none of you were newbies anymore to intimicy. You have been together for three months, for God's sake, but you still made his cock twitch like the first day and he's sure in twenty years you'll have the exact same effect on him.

He didn't want his most primal instincts to overpower the respect and love he'd harboured for you since you were kids because at the end of the day, one, you were still his best friend's little sister, two, he appreciated you too much to ever cross any lines, and three, as cliché as it sounded, you were nothing compared to the girls he had been with previously. What he feels towards you cannot be compared to anything he had experienced before. 

And fuck, was he in a predicament. Because you made him weak in his knees for you and you were not even aware of it. You were not aware of how badly he has wanted to explore and take things way further, way out of both his and your comfort zones. But he's terrified. He's terrified because all he wants is to to take care of you and what if he fails at the one thing he's swore to himself? What if he lets the darkest side of him consume him and at the same time consume you? What if he does actually hurt you, not just psichologically but also physically?

He would never be able to forgive himself. And neither could Taehyung.

And that, was also tormenting him.

Taehyung seemed fine with the two of you dating -or at least that blow to Jungkook's face seemed to ease things between them-, but Jungkook is not dumb and has felt his best friend slowly distancing himself. 

Sure, they were still best friends and will ever will. Taehyung is loyal to Jungkook and Jungkook is loyal to Taehyung. Has been that way since they were five and that will not change just because Jungkook's caught feelings for his little sister.

But the phonecalls were not as often and not as long as they used to be; in rare occasions Jungkook could sense a certain type of awkwardness between them that really had never happened in their friendship, and sometimes Taehyung's jokes seemed to hold more truth than lightheartedness. 

And to top it all off, Jungkook's dilemma regarding you was eating him alive and, usually he would turn to Taehyung for girl advice, only to later realize he was also frightened of doing that. 

But a Friday night at 2 a.m, Jungkook decides he can't take it anymore. 

"Sup, man." Taehyung's voice answers Jungkook's phone call on the second ring, like he always does. 

"Hey, bro." Jungkook clears his voice, suddenly feeling self conscious. "Are you busy?"

"I don't know," his friend seems to be chewing on what Jungkook bets is red Skittles -yes, only the red ones- because he just knows him too well. "Are you busy still fucking my little sister?" 

Taehyung chuckles at his own joke, but Jungkook doesn't. He knows there's no malice, but he can't help to think there might be. He settles for a sigh. "Yeah." he can hear some shuffling on the other side and the clicking of a computer mouse. Jungkook would also bet he was playing Among Us and he would lie if he said he wasn’t disappointed he hadn't called him to play with him. "Y'know what, it's not even important, I'll just call y-"

"Come on, man. You haven't even laughed at that and you usually laugh at everything I say even when no one else does." Taehyung swirls in his chair, his attention fully focused on his best friend. "Seriously, what's bothering you." Jungkook takes a deep breath, rubbing the side of his face. 

"It's about _____."

"_____? As in, my little sister? Who you're fucking?"  

"Tae, dude-"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Go on." Taehyung stiffles a laugh and waits patiently for Jungkook to continue.

"She um... Fuck, I hope this isn't weird, dude. I really do. She wants to like... rough it up in the bedroom, I guess? And I just... I don’t know... I'm terrified dude." There's silence filling the gap between Taehyung and Jungkook and Jungkook almost feels like throwing up. 

"You're coming to me for sex advice... about my little sister?"

"I know, dude but... Who else I'm supossed to talk to? Jimin? Hoseok?" Jungkook sits up on his bed, an ugly knot beginning to form in his stomach. "I mean, you're my best friend," Jungkook swallows again, voice cracking. "...right?"

It's Taehyung's turn to sigh after a few seconds before he replies. "Forever and always, bro." His tone settles Jungkook's uneasiness. There's nothing but honesty in it. "Listen, Guk. I really don't know what kind of advice to give you because, literally, ew. But I do know my sister, and if that's what she wants and she's communicated with you about it, it’s because she trusts you. And I trust you more than anyone in my life. So there you go, man."

Relief washes all over Jungkook's body and he lays back on the bed again, heart not beating as hard as it was a few seconds ago. 

"Thanks, dude." Jungkook smiles. "Sorry for calling you so late."

"No problem, bro." Taehyung smiles as well, swirling his chair back to his computer screen. A weight of his own being lifted. "Among Us next time?"

"Yeah, I'll let you know. Good night, bro."  

Taehyung calls Jungkook's name before he can hang up. "Hey, man?"

"Yeah, man?"

There's a pause between them and then Taehyung speaks. "I love you, man."

Jungkook supresses the threat of tears about to spill because he knows Taehyung would try to bruise his other other eyebrow if he ever found out. Or hug him to death. Or both.

"I love you too, bro."

"This reminds me of the first time you gave me a blowjob." Jungkook chuckles, watching you get down on your knees between his spread thighs, make up free and sporting a similar low messy bun as that time he's mentioning, except this time you're wearing one of his hoodies engulfing your smaller frame. Proof that this time around, you're exclusively his and no one else’s.

"You mean the blowjob of your life." you giggle as you reach out to pull down his sweatpants, deligthed to see he decided on not wearing any underwear. Your spit on the back of your hand and immediately wrap it around the base of his rock hard cock while his own darts out to push the strands falling down your face behind your ear, heart eyes emoji looking down at you looking up at him. 

Your tongue swirls around the tip timidly, swallowing the drop of precum oozing as he sighs heavily and lovingly. "Every blowjob you give me is the blowjob of my life." he unties your hair from the band holding it together because he prefers his fingers to be the hair tie, prefers to be the one to guide the bobbing of your head up and down his dick. 

You hum in appreciation against him, cherry balmed lips wrapping fully around the head of his cock and he hums back. "Love seeing you on your knees for me with your pretty mouth stuffed, fuck." You take him deeper, closing your eyes. 

Your hand moving accordingly to your mouth and your panties already wet, clinging to your folds. It's really not your fault Jungkook is the most delicious eye candy on earth and how fast can the mere sight of him make your pussy lips quiver. You slurp around the head obscenely , a moan of yours mixing with a moan of his. "Hands on your back." 

You obligue, removing your hands and growing excited at the dominating low tone his voice exerts. The grip he has on your hair tightens and controls your motions, pushing you further down his dripping shaft until your nose hits his pubic bone. He holds you there, his own eyes closing shut and his dick twitching insde your mouth. A thrust of his hips make you gag and has one of your hands flying to tap his leg two times, letting him know you were in need for air. 

He releases you, pulling you back until his cock is pulsating in front of you. He looks down at you, both breathless but the difference is you look so messy. Eyes watery, chest moving heavily and saliva leaking from your lips. 

Yeah, there was a reason Jungkook hasn't been like this with you before. The sight of you submitting completely and looking so nasty was too much for him to handle. He might never want to see you any other way than this. 

"Isn't this what you wanted, huh?" the free hand that had been supporting his weight on the matress grasps your face harshly, making you lock eyes with him.

 "I thought you wanted me to choke you with my cock like a little whore?" you nod your head eagerly, unable to form words. Your pussy throbs, prompting you to rub your thighs to get some sort of relief as his thumb smears the spit adorning your lips. You're quick to envelop it in the warmth of your mouth, an involuntary moan leaving your throat. "Such a pretty slut," he lets his cock slap against your cheek, removing his thumb to move his hand back to his previous position. "Open again."

You do, his length entering your mouth again -that you gladly accept- and then he's shoving you down by your hair. "Shit, gonna fuck your mouth so good..." 

And he does, not holding back anymore, his hand thrusting your head along his shaft until your throat tightens around him repeteadly, struggling for breath. But you take it, you take the aggresiveness and the degradation because fuck, you've been waiting for so long to know what this feels like. To have Jungkook be mean and have this type of control and power over you and you're enjoying it a bit too much. 

"F-fuck, I'm gonna cum, leave your mouth open." he releases on your tongue, not able to look away from the image of you with tears falling down your eyes and mouth drenched with him and your spit, some of his cum staining down your chin and the corners of your lips that he gathers with his thumb and pushes back into your mouth. He groans, watching you swallow all of it like a good girl, your tongue grazing around his digit for the remainings, gaze not leaving his. "Let me grab my phone real quick, I need to take a picture of this."

You were definitely not the jealous type.  

You prided yourself on being able to recognize when your behaviours were due to your own insecurities and removing all sorts of feelings of uncertainty from your mind. You never liked toxic patterns or the glamorization of them and your relationship with Jungkook was proof. You knew relationships were supossed to be based on blind trust and faith in your partner and yours definitely reciprocated in the same way. 

"So can anybody tell me why Eunha is basically all over my boyfriend right now?" you wish you could blame your state on Hoseok's weed, who's sitting on the left side of the couch right next to you at the frat party. You really wish you could have an explanation for the way your heart tugged in such a weird way and your stomach swirled dangerously until almost making you nauseous. You really tried to blame your overthinking on the joint you had just passed to your friend. 

You knew it was bound to happen someday, especially considering Jungkook had always been a ladies' man and the kind of attraction from both men and women he was able to manifest, willing or unwillingly. You just never thought it would happen so soon and in such way that made you clench your fists so tight and your nails dig into the palm of your hands so painfully. 

"I mean, they did have like a long fling a few years ago, didn't they?" Seulgi, sitting on your right, chimes in. 

That was true. Longer than most flings Jungkook ever had before you.  

"Yeah, before she dumped him." Hoseok adds.

Your eye twitches and your jaw contracts. Because that, was also true, and it was mostly what was bothering you so much. 

Had it been Jungkook the one to move away from his situationship with Eunha like with most girls, you wouldn't have such a problem with the way she's shamelessly leaning towards him from across the room. Or the way she's twirling a strand of her hair between one of her fingers while battling her lashes. Or the way she's hysterically laughing at whatever he was saying, because your boyfriend was funny, but he was not that funny. 

You were not the jealous type, and Jungkook definitely wasn't giving you any reason to be, because as coquettish as the blonde was being or as provocatively as she was pushing her tits into his arm, he politely keeps his distance and tries to also engage with Jimin in conversation, leaving her pouting. But that wasn't enough to not make you start seriously questioning your feminist ethics right now. 

"Wait, you're not jealous, are you?" Seulgi turns to you, offering you the joint -how long had you been focusing your attention on Jungkook and Eunha to not realize it was your turn again to smoke?-. You take it, hesitating between answering right away or taking a hit before doing that. You were never a good liar. You look between your two friends who are looking back at you with their eyebrows raised.

"I-" you close your mouth and run your fingers through your hair. "Maybe? I don't know what I'm feeling and I don't like it one bit." 

"Aw, babe." Seulgi squeezes your knee, eyes showing you sympathy. "Jealousy is a natural response to any relationship."

"I know..." you take the joint in your hand, taking a long drag before letting the smoke out. "I just don't want to sound like an insecure little bitch!" you whine. "I don't want to be like 'Oh, why would Jeon Jungkook, a God of the Olympus, dare give his attention to a peasant as unworthy as me!?' Like no, he's just a man. A little less mediocre than most but a man nontheless. I'm not going to doubt myself or other women just because he's more beautiful than most, and hotter, and funnier and has a massive co-" you notice you're getting carried away by the look of disgust in Hoseok's face and Seulgi trying to hold back a laugh. 

"Anyways, he's lucky to have me. We're both lucky to have each other but sometimes I feel like I might be the luckiest out of the two. And seeing Eunha looking so pretty and throwing herself at him is triggering me because..." you pause to take a deep breath and lounch back on the couch. "What if he realizes one day that I'm luckier than he is and he could be luckier with someone else?"

There's, ironically, a long silence. Ironically because the sound of Travis Scott making the walls tremble is anything but, until Hoseok speaks.

"I think you feel that way because you still haven't seen how that boy looks at you, _____." and then he motions to the spot from across the room you had been observing for too long, the spot where Jungkook is now glancing at you after noticing your detectable distress, with a frown on his features. 

'You okay?' he mouthes, his fist raising in the air in a thumbs up, questioningly.  

Your heart jerks, and not out of bitterness or envy caused by a girl trying to get your boyfriend's attention. Because his attention is always entirely on you, no matter how many feet are separating the two of you. 

'Yes' you mouth back, with a nod of your head and an encouraging smile that has formed itself on your face. He beams as well at you. Mouthes an 'I love you' and puckers his lips in a flying kiss that makes you giggle. You mimic him, your heart tight against your chest. 

Hoseok is right. You have nothing to worry about.

Jungkook is in love with you. Sometimes, he thinks, he's too in love with you.

"Can't believe I'm letting you do this."

"Can't believe you're such a pussy."

Jungkook huffs in annoyance. He would smack your ass right now if his hands weren't restricted by a scarf of yours he had never seen before to your bedpost. He would also send you a mean look if his eyes weren't covered by the only tie he owned and had so generously lent to you. 

When you mentioned you wanted to try this, he expected you to be in this position. Not the other way around.

He's sprawled on your bed, only his boxers covering him as your legs straddle his waist and you tighten the hold of the scarf around his wrists sternly. He winces and manages an 'Hey!' He knows you're only wearing your panties because he can't feel anything else and he's felt one of your naked tits brushing  his face as you tied him up. He also tried to catch one of your nipples in his mouth as a form of punishment, to no use because you swiftly backed away from his attempt. 

"I've never been a bottom before, this is new for me." he says. He really doesn't mind any of this. He's just not used to it. He knows he'd be lying if he said it didn't turn him on a little bit, even if he'd rather be the one to have you completely unmoving and naked beneath him. Especially now that you're skimming your nails up and down his torso.

"Mm, good to know." your lips follow the path your fingers created, from the center of his chest up, moving steadily and tracing soft kisses over his flesh. 

"Don't worry. I'll be gentle." you croon, dragging your tongue from the pulse of his neck to his earlobe, nails scraping lightly over his left nipple. Jungkook shudders, air sucked in through his teeth as his mouth opens on its own. Taking advantage of this, you place a kiss on the corner of his lips before slipping your tongue inside. 

He answers simultaniously, his own tangling with yours, swallowing each other's moans. Your hips set a slow peace, clothed cad core griding over the length poking between your thighs. His hips move unvoluntarily, trying to find some sort of friction to make up for the fact that his hands are unavailable to knead your ass and pull you closer, if that was even possible.

You separate from him, raising on your knees. Jungkook whines in protest, hips buckling up from the mattress to try to meet yours again.

"Jungkook, I'm serious, stay still!" 

"I take it back." his voice shaky and hands straining against the tight hold the scarf you tied around has on them. "I don't like this. Untie me so I can fuck you, babe." he complains. You sit on his tiny waist, your thighs trying to stop his movements. 

You take a moment to assess him. He looks too beautiful for his own good: hair courtaning his forehead, biceps bulging and abs flexing. You can't see his eyes but you know they might be glassy. You bite your lip to supress a whine of delight. You almost consider doing as he says. Almost. 

But you mantain your ground. Your jealousy from the other night had been crawling slowly from within these past few days and since you couldn't take it out on Jungkook any other way because he really wasn't to blame, you figured you'd try something new to punish him and let some of your supressed anger vanish. 

Twisting your body back to pull down his boxers, not all the way, just enough to have his cock springing free from the confines of the fabric and slapping against your asscheeks.

"Has toxic masculinity seriously polluted your brain so much you can't take this seriously?" you fall forward, one of your hands balancing you beside his head as the other wraps around his neck, a tentative hold not yet to constrict his breathing. 

He gulps, his body's tense and his Adam's apple is prominent under your touch. All he can see is black but he'd do anything to watch your pretty tits bouncing in front of his face. "I don't like this conversation either." he pouts.

"Then why are you so hard?" you grin, holding yourself back from laughing as he hesitates for an answer. You lean closer, mouth against his ear as you whisper. "I'm so wet right now, I could take you just like this. No lubrication at all and my pussy would just swallow your dick." Feeling his girth still between your ass flutter, clearly affected by the sultry tone of your voice. You remove your hand from his neck seeing as he has stopped moving obediently. Reaching back, you slide your panties to the side and align your entrance to the head of his leaking cock. 

"Fuck, baby, please~" Jungkook's pleads fills the air, hips desperately back in motion and sliding just a few inches inside your drenched heat. The warmth envoles him instantly, your pussy pulsates around him and neither of you can't help the in synch groans tearing from your throats. 

"Just the tip" you lick your lips, your voice betraying you as you resist the urge to glide the rest of his lenght inside your quivering core.

"Just the tip, my ass." 

Out of sudden, Jungkook is swiftly lifting his hips from the matress, sinking all the way in. You cry as your body jumps forward, face hidden in the juncture of Jungkook's sweaty neck. His thick cock stretches you out as nice and deep and perfectly as he always does. You mewl. This was not supossed to happen at all.  

"See? This is what you really wanted." you can hear the chuckle threatening to spill from his lips, anger starting to boil inside of you again. 

Regaining a little bit of your lost control, you lift yourself on your trembling knees and sit back again, the tip of his dick hitting your cervix. You groan in unision, placing your hands on the hard planes of his chest and steadying yourself to try to reclaim your dominance. Finding it troublesome, because Jungook is set on having it his own way, his thrusts meeting yours in perfect synch.

You really shouldn't feel your climax approaching so soon but somehow battling for control while bickering with Jungkook is about to send you over the edge and that's making you even more annoyed.

"I swear to God, Jungkook. If you don't stop moving and shut the fuck up..." your murmur through gritted teeth, jaw slackened and eyes fluttering shut.  

"What?" he spats, breathing rugged and voice coarse. "If I don't shut up, you'll wha-"

The sound of a sharp smack echoes inside your room and Jungkook's movements freeze on the spot. His head is turned to the side from the impact, and a faint print of your fingers is adorning his  already stinging cheek. None of you mutter anything for a few seconds, until concerned words start to rush out of you.

"Ohmygod, Jungkook, I-"

"Did you just slap me?" Jungkook is unmoving, his mouth agape and you can picture the incredulous expression his eyes might be oozing. "Baby, what the fuck?!" You're mortified. Your hands cover your mouth and your eyes, wide open, stare down at him although he can't stare at you back.

"Babe, I don't know why I did that, you wouldn't stop talking and I know that's not an excuse but it-" 

"It was fucking hot." a breathy laugh in disbelief leaves his chest. Your forehead creases, hands falling down to your chest to try to steady your incessant heartbeat. His tongue darts between his pearly teeth, a smug smirk on his features. An eyebrow of yours raises as you size him up, the realization that his body is completely motionless now hitting you.

Lurging forward, you pinch his jaw between your fingers, your hips carry on their grinding on their own accord. He releases a raspy moan, your walls clenching around him as another hit strikes his cheek, softer this time. 

"You gonna be good to me?" you mutter against his lips. He nods slowly, his mouth salivating as your hips swirl on top of him. He blindly tries to reattach his mouth to yours, but you dodge him, going for the skin of his clavicle instead. "Can I fuck you slow like this until you're filling me with your cum?" He squirms when he feels you sucking a pretty purple bruise on his flesh, your cunt dropping all the way down his cock, leisurly grinding against his pelvic bone, looking yourself to find some relief to your clit. 

"Ah!" his head tilts back, back slighlt arching as you soothe the mark on his neck with your tongue. "That m-might be s-sooner than you think, babe" he admits timorously, swallowing the lump in his throat, the veins on his neck on full display. 

You sigh in content because, thankfully your orgasm is also closer than he thinks it is. "M-me too-" you gasp, your face buried on his shoulder, letting your fingers brush his ebony hair, nails gently scrapping his scalp as you keep the tortuous movements of your hips against his, his girth hitting that spot just right everytime until you feel the knot in your tummy finally snapping. "C-cum, J-Jungkook, I-m-"

Jungkook doesn't need to be told twice because he has been holding back from it for a while now, not really willing to admit he was enjoying this as much as he was. With a thrust of his own fused with the way your pussy is tightening around him it's enough to send him over the edge, an unpredicted cry emanating from his vocal chords harmonizing with your own, his whole body tensing as your walls milk every single drop of his cum. 

For several minutes you stay just like that. Jungkook's hands still tied, blindfold still on, his mouth still agape as his chest rises and falls until his breathing becomes steady again. And you, on top, your fingers tangled in his dark locks, your breath fanning against his neck and his release dripping down your thighs. You stay like that until your body starts shaking with uncontrollable laughter. 

Jungkook tilts his head towards yours, eyebrows furrowing and eyes still covered.

"What was that noise?" you manage through your giggle fit. "'Aaah!'" You've never made a noise like that before, I can't- it was so funn-"

Even while still being strained and blindfolded and with you making fun of him, a loopsided goofy smirk starts making an appearence on Jungkook's features. 

Fancy dinner parties were never your thing. 

Wearing heels that were too high -specifically to try to match Jungkook's height-, a new expensive dress that you were surely going to return as soon as the event was over because you definitely could not afford it and socializing with Jungkook's clique was definitely not the way you envisioned your Saturday night going. 

At least Jungkook had barely been able to keep his hands for himself at the sight of you wrapped in emerald green silk and lace. But even that couldn't make you feel less uncomfortable and out of place. 

Yugyeom, one of Jungkook's friends, had definitely more money than your boyfriend had previously let you know. Apparently, being a 'lil rich' as Jungkook had mentioned meant booking a luxurious restaurant to hold a dinner party with at least fifty people who looked just as 'lil rich' as Yugyeom's Gucci tuxedo.  

'It'll be alright babe. Yugyeom always insists on celebrating his birthday like it's an Oscar after party. We'll just eat some of that disgusting caviar and then head home to watch Netflix, I swear'. 

And yes, caviar was gross, but so was the fact that Jungkook had failed to mention a certain someone would also be making an appearence. 

After introducing you to a few of his friends and realizing that Mingyu's frendliness and amiability helped you feel more relaxed, he had excused himself to the bathroom, leaving you and his friend to entangle in a heated conversation about How I Met Your Mother's finale season. 

You were thankful for Mingyu's humble nature and easygoing talk for a few minutes until you finally spotted your boyfriend making his way back into the room, stopping in his tracks to acknowledge a group of friends from his class. 

Again, you wouldn't have such a problem with a certain blonde if she would just stop looking at Jungkook with stars in her eyes and pressing her cleavage against him while playing with her hair. It was hard to keep track of your conversation with Mingyu while Eunha was standing right next to your boyfriend and seemingly ogling up at him. It was also hard to not let your mind waver to dangerous territory when you took notice of how disgustingly good they looked together. 

Just two attractive people who would look disgustingly good together. 

Mingyu's voice makes you turn back to him. 

"...I don't know, like, Barney was a womanizer until Robin, you know? He changed for her! They were just perfect for each other, but they had to throw it all away by killing the mother and then making Robin marry Ted? And Barney going back to his old ways?" Mingyu sounds exhasperated and you would laugh and find it cute if your stomach wasn't tugging again in a way that made you regret drinking so much wine so fast. Specially after his last statement.  

"That's what I'm saying." you mumble, turning your attention back to your boyfriend in the crowd.

Jungkook wouldn't go back to his old ways. He loves you. There's nothing to worry about.

But as you watch him start to make his way towards you, you also watch the way Eunha grabs the sleeve of his blazer to pull him back. She leans in, whispers something in his ear to which he just shakes his head, says something that it's impossible to decipher from here you're standing and simply walks in your direction. 

Still, as much as you tried to be neutral and objective and not a 'jealous little bitch', it's almost impossible to hide the sour expression on your face. It's impossible to unclench your jaw throughout the entire evening or lose the too tight grip on your glass of wine. Even when Jungkook whispers in your ear if you're okay, you merely nod yes. You avoid eye contact with him and everytime he tries to slip your hand into his, you dodge him it by wrapping your arms around yourself, claiming how cold it is.

Jungkook is not dumb. 

He know something's up but he's also not stupid enough to cause a scene in public or preassure you into talking. So he settles on wating and being patient. Even as he slips his jacket on your stiff shoulders with pouty lips and his eyebrows drawn together, all he does is press a small kiss to the back of your neck. It takes all power within you to not throw yourself in his arms. 

But as midnight approaches and it's time to leave, you notice a change in Jungkook's behaviour as you say your goodbyes. His hand on your back is not just a soft caress, instead, his fingers pull you closer, dig into your skin as he drags the both of you to where his car is parked. Now it's him who avoids your gaze. His tensed jaw and his tongue pressing against the inside of his cheek is a visible indicator that Jungkook is pissed. 

You know his body language as well as he knows yours. And now, as he opens the door of the passanger seat so you can slide in, the guilt and the remorse of acting cold towards him for hours is finally dawning on you. 

"Are you going to tell me now what was that about?" when he closes his own door shut, he doesn't bother to put his seatbelt on. Just grips the steering wheel as he turns to you. 

"I-I don't know what you're t-"

"You don't know what I'm talking about?" he laughs, not a bit of humour in it. "I know scenes like this make you feel uncomfortable but I actually thought everything was going fine. I leave you for five minutes with Mingyu and when I come back, you won't look at me, won't touch me, won't act like I'm your boyfriend. Like I did something wrong. So please, _____, tell me, what's going on?"

You know there's no excuse for the way you acted. You know it's not Jungkook's fault he attracts attention and it most definitely not his fault if an ex of his is still hung up on him. You know it's your own fault and you know you should not try to excuse yourself and fight back. You'd swore to yourself you'd push down any feelings of jealousy deep inside until they disappeared. But something about tonight makes you explode.

"Why was she being all over you?"

Jungkook's face twists in confusion. "What? Who?"

"Eunha! Who the fuck else? She was all over you a few weeks ago at Minghao's party, and she was all over you tonight!" your voice is louder than you would've liked but at this point all you care about is letting it all out.

"This is what all of that was about? Eunha?"

"Yes! I've seen her on campus as well! Always trying to get your attention! I don't care that you have friends in common, but specially tonight, she whispered something to you and she was looking at you like she-"

"Who cares how she looks at me? All you need to care about is how I look at you because the only thing I care about is how you look at me!" Jungkook exclaims, clearly exhausted of this conversation. 

You sink in your seat and look away as the knuckles on his hands turn white from gripping the steering wheel. 

"_____," he calls you gently,  but his voice mantains a stern tone to it. "We don't do jealousy. I thought we were supossed to trust each other blindly. Have I not proved to you how sickenly in love with you I am? Do you not trust me and what I feel?"

"I-... Of course I do. I-just... I don't know. You're right. That was uncalled for." you wrap yourself in the warmth of Junkook's blazer, trying to make his scent wash away any ugly resentment and guilt in your body. 

"Wanna know what she said to me?" a rethorical question, because he was going to tell you anyway. "She asked me if I was going to stay for Yugyeom's after party, way past midnight. Wanna know what I said?" he turns to you. "I said no, I'm spending the night with my girlfriend."

None of you say nothing after that. He just puts his seatbelt on and starts driving. It's not too much of a far drive to his dorm, but the silence and the awkwardness makes it feel so much longer than it should be. You don't remember the last time Jungkook was mad at you. Actually, you don't think Jungkook has ever been mad at you. He loved the banter, loved to tease you, loved being competitive with you. But you had never seen him being avoidant of you. And that feeling tears your heart on the seat of his car.

"Are you mad at me?" you ask, voice barely audible, when the car stops at a red light. His dark eyes meet yours, his face immediately softening as he studies your expression. Then he picks one of your small hands in one of his big ones, brings it to his lips and lightly kisses your knuckles. He communicates with his eyes what he doesn't with words and it's enough to make you feel secure, at least for now.

When you finally arrive at Jungkook's room, he holds the door ope for you and lets you walk in, but he's still unusually quiet. So much so, you start to worry you might have fucked up big time. 

You stand there, not knowing what to do as you watch him sit down on his bed, slipping his shoes and socks off and loosening the tie around his neck. His hair, that was perfectly styled a few hours ago, is now messy by the amount of times his hand has pushed it back. He looks too yummy, and you hate the fact that tension and a little bit of fighting has managed to make him look as delectable. 

You ignore the heat starting to form in your belly because now it's not the time to be horny. Not when you still need to apologize and make things right. He's rolling  the sleeves of his black shirt down his forearms when you decide to speak. 

"Jungkook, I'm very sorry." you start, as you remove his blazer off you and place it on the chair right in front of his desk. "I don't know why I acted the way I did. I dont get easily jealous and I really don't think I am but..." your throat constricts your words for a moment. "The more I love you, the more frightened I get when I think that one day you'll realize I'm better off as your best friend's little sister. I-I dont know what I'd do with myself if that ever happene-"

"Take off your dress." Jungkook's impassive voice and emotionless face startles you and you freeze on your feet. 

"What?"

"Did I stutter?"

His elbows rest on his knees and he's holding your stare with his. His doe eyes lack that free spirited and amusing glint they usually have. He looks bored, scrutinizing you. He's not challenging you. He's commanding you because he knows you will obligue. 

That's why you gulp and slowly slide the straps of your dress down your arms until the fabric pools at your feet. His eyes waver along your naked breasts, nipples perking up like the mere intensity of his gaze is ordering them to. He doesn't make a move and doesn't say anything for a few seconds. He doesn't compliment you like he normally would at the sight of you almost naked in front of him.

His lack of words make you feel insecure, regardless of how turned on you are. You're used to Jungkook being reassuring, you're used to his lighthearted jokes and his playful kisses in the bedroom. But you're not used to Jungkook telling you what to do and keeping his distance while doing so. Your arms move on their own to hide yourself.

"Don't. If you hide from me, I swear to God, _____." he watches you as you let your arms fall back to your sides, your chest moving up and down while you struggle to breathe. You can't deny Jungkook's gruff voice and his eyes studying every bit of skin available to him like he hasn't seen you naked before is not making your underwear stick to your lower lips. 

"JK, I just don't think this is the right moment to-"

"On my lap." your heart skips a bit, a thrill of excitement coursing through your veins.

"Jungkook-"

"I said, get on my lap, face down." he says again, this time slower. One of his eyebrows quirk up. "Or would you rather me drag you myself? Or make you crawl?"

Your eyes widen, and your feet are quick to approach him. Your nipples tingle, your core is throbbing and your cheeks are adorned by a beautiful blush that Jungkook doesn't miss. 

He doesn't move until you're in front of him, just to help you lower yourself on his lap, your cheek and your nipples touching the mattress and your ass up. You close your eyes when Jungkook skims his fingertips over your skin, his carressing relaxing your body until he eases your nerves a bit. He sighs when he notices the way that poor excuse of a thong sticks between your folds as his strong hands massage your buttcheeks. 

He's taking his time, his fingers gliding over your soft skin, his breathing too calm for your liking. Until one palm of his hand collides sharply against your right cheek, sending your body forward. You gasp, the stinging making your body want to pull away. But he's quick to catch both your wrists behind your back, keeping you in place. 

"Jungk-!"

Another smack, this time harder, on the same cheek. 

"Did I give you permission to talk?"  

Smack. This time on the left cheek. Your back arches on its own will, presenting more of your ass to him unwittingly. Your eyes squeezed shut and bite the inside of your cheek as you rub your thighs together. You keep quiet as his hand lands another blow on your ass. 

"That's a good girl. Now," his voice is gentler this time as his hand soothe your reddened cheeks. "do you think what you did tonight was okay?" you say nothing, only a mewl slips past your lips. Another smack. "Answer me."

"No." you lick your lips, anticipating more. 

"Do you think it was funny to pull a stunt like that?" 

Smack.

"N-no!"

"No, it wasn't. Spread your legs for me." you do as you're told and he finally pulls down the drenched piece of lace down your thighs. He leans forward, spreads your cheeks with one hand as he lets a glob of spit fall directly into your lips. He makes you gasp when his fingers start sliding up and down your folds slowly. 

"I've had to put up with this kind of behavour since the day you begged me to fuck this tight, virgin pussy like the little slut you are." you whine, face red as humiliation starts to creep in. Jungkook slips one finger in, pumping it slow and easy. Your hips move to take him deeper.

"I tried to be a gentleman, you know?" he says, adding a second finger. "I've tried to treat you nice and sweet and be the best boyfriend I could be to make you happy and keep you satisfied in every sense of the word." his thumb finds your clit, rubbing tortuous circles. 

"Been compeletely whipped since I kissed you for the first time. Haven't looked at other girls because I just can't when I have everything I want to look at right in front of me." murmuring, he starts to get lost your pussy and how it swallows his fingers and how obscene you look and sound, dripping right on his trousers. He watches his fingers moving in and out, almost hypnotized. "Yet, somehow..." he pulls away. You whimper in protest. 

"Somehow, you still seem to doubt me." His hand smacks your cheek again, wet fingers spreading your essence all over your skin.

"P-please, please." you cry. You miss Jungkook's sadistic smile before he releases the grip on your wrists, still keeping you on his lap. Both his hands spread your cheeks now, and another glob of spit falls right into your asshole. His fingers find your cunt again, easily taking you almost over the edge.

"If you could only look at yourself right now... All spread out for me like a needy whore in heat" his thumb teases your unexplored rim, hesitantly, coating it with his spit and your own arousal. He presses in slowly. You gasp, your body tenses and Jungkook stills his movements immediately. There's silence for a few seconds. 

"Too far? Should I stop?" and there's your Jungkook, concern lacing his voice. His free hand caresses your back, your body relaxing, laying back down obediently. His fingers are still inside you and his thumb is still asking for entrance. He leans forward, placing a small but comforting kiss on the bruised skin of your right asscheek. 

"Go on." you whisper, but he doesn't move right away. This time, it's his own body that tenses momentarely before going back to his tranquil demeanor. He breathes through his noise as his fingers pick up where they left off. 

"Yeah?" you swear you hear him swallow a lump in his throat. "Gonna let me finger this tight little ass like a good slut? Mm?" his thumb slides deeper, slightly stretching you out while his fingers work your pussy in a solid rhythm. "Gonna let me stretch you out little by little until I can open you up with my cock one day?" his movements speed up, fingers sliding out of your cunt to play with your clit and his thumb slowly moving in and out. "You don't wanna talk now? You just want to stay silent while I fuck your ass and-"

And then you're cumming, so unexpected it takes both of you by surprise. Your hands grip onto Jungkook's sheets, your thighs clasp around his hand as you scream his name. He doesn't stop though. He rides you through it, encouraging words mixing with filthy insults that prolong your orgasm until you're squirming beneath him. 

"Shit, baby... My hand is soaked." he mumbles, as he slowly removes his fingers and thumb from you. "You okay?"

You faintly nod your head yes, not able to find words through your dry mouth and your pussy still convulsing. 

"Good. Get on the bed. On your hands and knees." 

You somehow manage to slip from his lap and position yourself as he says. Except your arms and legs are shaking. Although the sound of Jungkook undoing his belt and his hands gripping your hips and bringing you towards him until the head of his dick is at your entrance is enough to make you forget about how tired your body is. You surrender to him, not even bothering to hold yourself up on your arms, your fingers crumbling the sheets and your face buried into the pillow. 

When his cock enters you, a pitiful moan leaves your mouth. His thick lenght slides into your heat, filling you perfectly as he always does. It's a wonder how well he fits inside you. 

"Such a perfect slut for me. Always ready for me to do whatever I want with her, since day one. So tight, so ready. So, so perfect. All mine." he talks as measured as he moves, dragging each word out as his hips find a nice tempo. 

Then he doesn't move for a while with his dick buried between your walls, and you know he's holding himself back. You turn your head slightly to look at him. He catches your eyes instantly. Sees your mascara running down your watery eyes, and your smudged lipstick and your messy hair and then he's giving you that look. That look that lets you know that Jungkook is, indeed, whipped for you. Leaning in, he presses his shirt-covered chest to your sweaty, naked back. His cock dives deeper, not an ounce of space between you as he lovingly kisses your cheek until his mouth finds yours. 

He kisses you hard but soft, tongue meeting yours for the first time since you entered the room. Jungkook is not a man of words. He's silly, and a jokester, and finds it difficult to express how he's feeling. But when he kisses you, or looks at you, when he touches you, or when he makes love to you, even if it's as dirty and filthy as right now, he's always able to transmit exactly what he can't vocally.

He's telling you there's no other place he'd rather be than here, with you. 

When he pulls back, a string of saliva still connecting your lips, his hand moves to the back of your head, fisting your hair in a tight hold that makes you arch your back and desperately moan for him.

"A-and you're mine." you sob.

It's like something snaps inside of him. He growls and suddenly his hips lose control. He nails you against the mattress, his grip on your hair pulling your head back, his lips against your ear as your cunt clenches around his cock. 

"Just yours. All yours." his grunts send shivers down your spine and you're close again, even in the painful and uncomfortable position your body is in. Being at Jungkook's mercy and him being at yours is enough to have you seeing starts.

"This is the only pussy I want wrapped around my cock. Your lips are the only ones I want to kiss. You're the only one I want between my arms." It only takes two flickers of Jungkook's free hand against your nub and his next words to tip you over. "You belong to me, and I belong to you."

You squeal as you come, and Jungkook bites your shoulder to keep himself from doing so as well as he follows shortly. He fills you up with his release,  but he doesn't release you from him. He wraps his arms around your frame, both your bodies becoming soft as he rolls over to one side with your back still pressed to his chest, cock still inside you. His lips find their way to the skin of your shoulder and the back of your neck. His breath fanning your flesh makes you smile.

"That is so not like my sister. I'm telling you, she never gets jealous." Taehyung says over the phone. He's munching on something again and Jungkook would bet all the money in his wallet again he's eating Skittles. Red Skittles. "So, everything cool now?"

"Yeah, man. We just talked it out, you know?" Jungkook's gaze falls on you, laying on your stomach on his bed, laptop iluminating your face, earbuds on and your head moving to whatever music you're listening to. Jungkook would bet all the money in his bank account it's Shape Of My Heart by The Backstreet Boys. Or at least that's what he's been able to guess so far. He was never good at reading lips, specially when trying to guess boybands' lyrics. 

Friday's nights meant late 1990's/early 2000's pop nostalgia for you. It meant shaking his head and spending the following week trying to get Britney and Xtina songs out of his brain for him. Although lately, he hadn't been trying that hard. Jungkook sighs in content, not really trying to cover the fact that he might be looking at you like a starstruck teenager. Which, it was totally fair because that's exactly how he feels about you. "Communication is key, bro."

He keeps watching you until your head perks up and catch him gawking. You smile at him and he smiles back.

"By 'communication is key' you mean you actually fucked my little sister silly right? Bro, I swear, I'll block your numb-"

"Sorry man, gotta go." 

"And now you're gonna fuck her silly again, right? You son of a b-"

Jungkook hangs up just as you take your earbuds off, making his way to you to kiss you silly.

[iwadori]

Can you write a pure angst, using 10 and 35 please ( Idc about the characters ) :)

Getting hurt with the haikyu boys part 3 (Iwaizumi)

Part one Part Two Part three

Word count: 2.8K

Genre: pure angst

Authors Note: I am sorry for just how shit it is lol. I had an idea and it kind of got worse as it went along but I hope you like it anyways.

You were pregnant.  

You wanted to cry.  

You stared at the test in front of you. Two lines. Positive. There was no denying it, as much as you wanted it to be negative. You could tell you were pregnant before you even took the test, all the throwing up you were doing, the nausea you felt when certain foods were being cooked at work and the ongoing foot and back pains you felt.

Iwaizumi first approached you at your job, some shitty dinner that only paid you enough so you can make ends meet. You could tell he had money, the way he dressed, his demeanor even the way he talked. ‘What was a man like this doing here?’ you thought.  

Apparently, he’s seen you around for a while, your city was small you’d only really leave this place if you had a fair god mother or died and of course you are clearly alive and don’t have a fairy god mother...until you met him.

He ordered a coffee, didn’t drink it though (probably knowing that your boss spat it in whenever he was in a bad mood or because he just needed an excuse to be around) just waiting for you to finish your break. You sat in a corner booth for ‘privacy,’ not that anybody was even in the place.  

“My names Iwaizumi Hajime” he said keeping a blank facial expression  

“What do you wan-”

“Miss L/N, I think I’ll do the talking here. Okay?” he said with a smirk appearing on his face after seeing your slightly shocked face when he revealed knowing your last name.

“I’ve seen you around for a while now, you’re beautiful you know that right?” he said making your cheeks heat up a bit. “Anyways, I think you’re gorgeous and a man like me needs a pretty girl like you on his arms. By the lack of response to my name, I assume you don’t know who I am...but I guess that works in my favour”

Your face is getting bored by the second not really listening as he rambles on about himself, “I need you to be on my arm every night that I go out to one of my boring business meetings.”  

“Business meetings?” you ask  

“You know, a bunch of ‘business’ people go out and talk ‘business’ together.” he said sarcastically as if you were stupid.

“I know that, I just thought you’d elaborate about it.” You sighed “What do I get out of this?”

“Finally, you’ve gotten to the interesting part, you my dear get money and lots of It” he says finally catching your attention “I’ll pay you 1 million Yen per night, and all your dresses, outfits and expenses will be paid for so you won’t have to worry your pretty little head about finances again” he ‘smiled’ at you.

“What's the catch?” squinting your eyes  

“The catch is just that you have to accompany me to all my events.... and you have to stay in my condo.”

“Wh-”

“Don’t worry dear, it’s a nice place” interrupting you “probably better than any shithole you live in”

“Fine, fine” his words were convincing you “Is there a contract you have for me to sign?” you ask wanting to at least be somewhat ‘protected.’

“No contract, just this verbal agreement. Between me and you right here right now.” he winked “so you’re in agreement of our arrangement?”

“Yes.”

That was your first mistake believing Iwaizumi Hajime.

Sure you could defend yourself now and say ‘I was poor and in need of help’ but you’d know it would just be you in denial talking.  

The first time you attended a meeting with Iwaizumi, you came home from quitting your job since Iwaizumi said ‘you’re on my payroll now.’ You found a beautiful red dress laying on your bed accompanied with shoes and accessories and note saying, ‘I trust you to be able to do your own hair and make up my dear – I.H’

You didn’t have any family, or any friends. Most people that have had even a single encounter with you have deemed you to be ‘Not Likeable’ saying you’re not a people person or just lack any sociability. You were stuck in this town because of the debt your father has left you in before he supposedly ‘passed’ away. Leaving you drowning in all his financial woes, meaning you couldn’t go to university or become a professional *insert dream job here* like you wanted to be.

When you exited your building, you saw Iwaizumi leaning against a flashy car parked outside. “You chariot awaits m’lady” he says with a cheeky grin on his face making you roll your eyes. You got in the car and he started driving, humming along to a random song slightly agitating you.

“So, when are you moving to my place? It’s a part of the agreement.” he said in a sing song voice in the tune of what he was humming.  

Iwaizumi reminded you of JD from heathers, he was nice when he wanted but he did have a screw loose that was triggered when things didn’t go his way. Like a small child who didn’t get the toy he wanted when he had a million other toys.  

Him being the child. You being the toy.

“Our agreement is bullshit, just verbal.” you say mockingly “remember?”

“don’t start with me Y/N I'm not in a pleasant mood today” he says gritting his teeth “and I don’t need you fucking with me tonight.”

He puts his hand on your thigh, a little too harshly making you internally wince. “Okay here’s the rules for the night. You stay on my side for the night, only speak when spoken too, don’t drink too much since no one likes an alcoholic of course.”

“Oh, so all I need to do is sit pretty like a good little girl.” you say sarcastically

“Precisely” he lessens the grip on your thigh making you breathe in relief.  

The event was boring to say the least, you did as Iwaizumi said stood next to him with a fake smile plastered on your face all through the night. You’re sure that people did ask you questions, but you were in your own little world only stepping out of it when Iwaizumi either pinched your arm or gripped your thigh.

The end of the night was ‘eventful’ to say the least, before you entered the car a hand wrapped around your waist and you were pulled into a back alley. “We couldn’t end the night so boring, could we?” it was Iwaizumi, of course it was.

He started peppering your neck with kisses and roaming his hands all over your body. He eventually trailed the kisses from your neck to your lips, leading you both into a full blown make out session. It was fast and you couldn’t really think straight. Iwaizumi was getting a bit too forceful, gripping and kissing harder than he needed to, leaving marks as if to say ‘you’re mine now.’

That was your second mistake. Getting sexual with Iwaizumi Hajime.

He said you had to go back to his house which was basically now yours. You complied, obviously had no other choice since he didn’t offer or ask. He told you too.

Waking up in the Iwaizumi residence was an ‘experience.’ Iwaizumi wanted you awake when he was awake and asleep when he was, never giving you a moment too yourself. You swiftly came to the learn of the reason why he wanted you in his ‘care’ (as he called it anyways) he wanted his eyes on you all the time.

You carried on attending the events bored out of your mind and the nights went the same way. Fancy dress, long car ride, not paying attention, getting fucked in the back alley then sleep in Iwaizumi’s expensive silk sheets.

You didn’t know much about Iwaizumi besides what you could find. In the day time, Iwaizumi spends it cooped up in his office whilst giving you the ‘permission’ to roam around the house. Iwaizumi kept all his important stuff in a small box under a creepy floorboard in his basement original idea I know. All the information in there was just stuff about generic stuff about his childhood. Him being brought up into wealth, how much he weighed as a baby and all the allergies and boring shit that he had.

Iwaizumi Hajime was an enigma.

You and Iwaizumi did get along. Sometimes. You did do things that weren’t strictly fucking and going to business meetings. He took you on what you could only be able to describe as dates, and outings showing you off to all his actual friends. That’s when you learnt the difference of the ‘two’ men, Iwaizumi and Hajime.

Although they were the same person by name, Iwaizumi was rough around the edges and cold at heart not caring about you at all. Hajime, whilst still being rough around the edges, basically made you out to be his girlfriend giving you the love and care you needed. You really liked the times when you were with Hajime.

That was your third mistake, falling in love with Iwaizumi Hajime.

As things progressed, your quality of life seemed to dwindle (not that it was great in the first place.) Iwaizumi was barely in the house, claiming that for these particular ‘business meetings’ he didn’t need you.

On one night, a simple phone call definitely changed your whole dynamic.

“Yes babe, I’m coming over tomorrow I can’t wait to see you and the girls again.” he said to the other person on the phone.

“Why do you question my love for you, of course I love you.” he said again

“I love you, the girls even the dumb dog that Haru forced me to get for her 8th birthday I love. You guys are my family. My lovely wife and out girls”

Your stomach churned, you backed out of the hallway that you were in. He had a family, of course he had a family. You went into the guest room, where you kept all your things, you couldn’t do this anymore. Although you pretty much lost all your morals when you formed this whole agreement but you refuse to sleep with a married man with kids. You couldn’t. Being the reason why a family might break up is something you wouldn’t ever do.

Iwaizumi heard all your commotion and entered the guess “Woah darling who’s moving out?” he asked jokingly  

“Hmm probably your wife and kids, after they realise their husband is a CHEATER!” you spat

“Woah, woah Y/N” he said getting closer to you “You don’t know what the fuck you’re on about”

“I think I know pretty well; you’ve always been a pompous ass Iwaizumi; it was my bad for thinking that you weren’t married throughout all of this.” You finished packing up as much close as you possible can and headed out the room.

“You need to watch your mouth Y/N” he says aggressively  

“Or what Iwaizumi, or should I say Hajime” you shout “Or is that only reserved for your WIFE!”

This seem to really tick him off, “You don’t know anything Y/N, you really think I could love a dirty slut like you? Huh? Well, I didn’t know that you were important enough to be able to know the details of my personal life.”

“I'm not a slut” you mumbled. Which was completely true, Iwaizumi didn’t notice that the first time you slept together was the first time that you slept with anyone.

“repeat that again for me y/n?” he said mockingly

“IM NOT A SLUT!” you shout in his face

“You are what I say you are darling”

“Fuck you.” You try and push past him hard, to get out the house but you’re no match against his anger and brute strength. So, when he slams you against the wall, he banging your head. Leaving you concussed and bleeding. Before you completely pass out all you hear is a repetition of Iwaizumi Hajime murmuring “I'm sorry, I’m sorry” whilst wrapping his arms around your comatose body.

You woke up, thinking that was all a dream but the ache in the back of your head proved otherwise.  

“Y/N, darling your awake!” he said making you flinch

You moved away from him when he sat on your bed looking at you with ‘love’ and ‘care’ in his eyes. He goes to stroke your cheek whispering “you’re so be-”

“Fuck off” you say. That bang to the head was a wakeup call literally reminding you of all the hot and cold moments you had with Iwaizumi that you submerged into your head for the sole reason of ‘wanting to be happy.’ But you weren’t happy. Deep down you knew that.

“But y/n, darling I love you.” he said and you closed your eyes shut wanting to tune him out “I love you Y/N.”

“You don’t" you replied back harshly with your eyes still shut tightly

“But I do Y/N, I love you” he repeated the ‘I love you’s’ over and over making you want to scream out in frustation.

“Shut up!” you yelled “You don’t love me, stop saying that” your head throbbing with every word “Just stop. Make it stop! Kill me if you have to! Just make it stop” you say thumping at Iwaizumi’s chest becoming a hysterical crying mess. You weren’t talking about the physical paint he caused you (even though that hurt ALOT) you were talking about the constant heartache it was just being around him.

He didn’t know what to do. So, he just put his arms round you again and you yelled your frustrations about him to him into his chest.

You woke up into a new place, not your old one or Iwaizumis just something brand new.  

With a note on your bed side table saying:

‘I love you and I’m sorry’

Making you tear it up and toss it out.

You had no further contact with Iwaizumi, you figured that the new house you lived in was already paid for, but you didn’t want Iwaizumi to show up one day saying that you owed him money so you decided to get a job. A small one, that didn’t require any strenuous Labour or heavy shift times.

It was a few weeks after Iwaizumi left you and you felt sick and heartbroken. After finishing your shift at your job you felt hot headed and extremely ill making you run to your toilet to spill out your guts.

Which lead you to your predicament now.

Pregnant.

You were pregnant.  

You wanted to cry.  

You stared at the test in front of you. Two lines. Positive. There was no denying it, as much as you wanted it to be negative. You could tell you were pregnant befonhre you even took the test, all the throwing up you were doing, the nausea you felt when certain foods were being cooked at work and the ongoing foot and back pains you felt.

You didn’t know what to do. There was only thing you could do, but you certainly didn’t want that. ‘Call him’ the voice in your head urged. ‘That would be the best option right?’ you thought ‘I mean he did love you afterall...’

It took a whole day of pacing around and wondering on what you should do. But you knew that leaving the situation longer would only make it worse. So you kept his business card on you when he gave it to you since that was the only phone number you had. He was all you actually had.

You called and the phone rang 4 times, your heart beating faster and faster as it rang.

“He-”

“Hello this is Sakura Iwaizumi speaking” a feminine voice said “Who is calling?” you hear someone say in the background. ‘Iwaizumi’ you thought, your face smiling. You realised you haven’t responded so you rushed out  

“I’m Y/N L/N, I need to speak with Iwaizumi.”

“Haji dear, there's a girl on the phone for you... someone of the name called Y/N L/N”

You heard muffles in the background and Iwaizumi saying “Just hang up the phone she’s not worth it.” Your heart stung ‘She’s not worth it.’ Did he really mean that? As much as you claim to hate him, you didn’t really. As you’ve said before you always liked his loving and caring side over his cold hearted one.

You put the phone down and just cried, wailing your heart out for him. Why? You don’t really know to be honest. This was all a dumb agreement, he used you because he was bored and he probably already knew you were pregnant from when he gave you that concussion. But ‘he doesn’t want you’ you reminded yourself because ‘I’m not worth it.’

AUTHORS NOTE: once again, i’m sorry lol. But im most likely going to do a part two of my ‘long shot’ series with Akaashi or a character of your choosing. 

[kidney9-9]

Give Me Your All - Tom Holland

Anonymous asked: heyyy, idk if your still taking requests but could I ask for a Tom smut??? It’s okay if not, just ignore this. But if so, could you write one where Tom has a massive crush on the reader and he’s touching himself to the thought of the reader and records it (moaning and all) , pretending that he was going to send it because it turned him on. But after he climaxes, instead of deleting the video he ACTUALLY sends it. You could take it form there, but yeah phew🥵

Hey there sweetie, hope you enjoy this oneshot of Tom Holland and Reader. Please read the warnings. This oneshot is childhood friends-to-lovers :) Let me know if you’d like a part two, I didn’t get to write everything I’d like to, because it’s already long :) 

Tags in reblog, to join a taglist send in an ask or press the link in my profile. Masterlist is linked in my profile.

Tom Holland x Reader (Smut) Warnings: Smut, confessions of love, unsolicited nude video, swearing, nicknames (sexual and nonsexual), teasing, female recieving oral, mention of hand job, unprotected sex, talk of kinks, slight mention of hand kink, biting, some dominance fighting, choking/breath play and some dirty talk. Please do not read if any of these warnings made you uncomfortable, thank you :) Word Count: 7.4k

He’s been friends with you since forever, and he’s been in love with you since then. Your friendship was something he valued close to his heart as well, loving how you were kind to him and how funny you two would get sometimes. He remembers how the two of you met, back in kindergarten. You were playing near the slide, and you demanded people called you the Queen of the court. Being only five years old, everyone was confused, including Tom. He was the one to question you, and your explanation only made it more confusing, making him feel competitive though. He challenged you to a duel using sticks for the title of Queen of the court. You both ended up with bruises and scrapes, but giggled at each other, shouting dumb jokes about chickens and crayons.

You’ve been inseparable since then. You were there when he lost his first tooth and made a letter with him to the tooth fairy for a mighty amount of 1 trillion pounds. Tom ended up receiving one pound and an old copy of Toy Story. You both cherished that movie forever, claiming the tooth fairy loved giving cool movies to Tom, because every tooth he lost after that (until he realized the tooth fairy wasn’t real), he received old copies of movies and a few pounds. He remembered the crush he formed on you by age 11, how he would blush and call you a dumb girl when you’d compliment cute things about him, and then he would apologize and tell you how he thought you were a bit too cool to be a girl (which always led to funny arguments).

By age 16, he realized that it was much more than just a crush, watching you have your first kiss. It hurt him, and he thought it would be the end of the world because he was convinced you didn’t want to be friends with him anymore. Sure, he had his first kiss at 14, but it was a truth or dare game, and he didn’t like the other girl, but it still hurt to see you kiss someone else. He always wished that his first and last kiss would be with you.

And now, he knew for sure he was in love with you. So many years being close to you, but unable to make a move, it was tough.

It’s been hard, hiding his real feelings for you and watching as you would get your heart broken over again. He tried many times to get over you, to date random girls or just have hook ups, but it always ended the same- he’d end up thinking of you. He’d think of how you’d smile brightly to him when he’d make a stupid joke, or how you would nudge him during parts of a movie you found funny. Or when you’d giggle loudly when you’d accidently drop your phone multiple times a day, or when you’d wear his sweaters when you’re cold. He truly loved you, and when he learned to accept it, it only strengthened.

He’d find himself gazing down at your body at moments, and just wonder what it would be like if you were moaning and whimpering under him. He couldn’t count the times he’d catch himself with a hard on just by seeing you in his bedroom, where you two always hang out. He’d excuse himself quickly, rushing to the bathroom and he’d groan quietly, lecturing himself to stop thinking about you. 

It rarely worked, and he’d sit with a hard on for hours as you laid back on his bed, scrolling through your phone as you talked to him, without a clue of what bulging pain he was going through.

He couldn’t help it today either, realizing he hadn’t seen you lately and he pulled up your text messages, to read what you two spoke about before. His cock stirred and twitched in his pants as your profile picture loaded on the screen. 

It was one of his favorite photos of you, beautifully sat next to him, with your head tucked close to his neck and your lips barely touching his skin as you beamed. Fuck, it was too much. The adrenaline he would have when he’d jerk off, filming in the messages he had with you was addictive. It turned him on so much, it felt so real, that he would actually send it to you, and he could only dream that you would send one back- or even come to him.

Tom slipped a hand under his boxers, after he spit into his hand. It curled around his cock, gently bringing it out from his boxers and sighing in relief as he pumped it to life. His finger swiped over his tip, collecting some of the precum to slide down the rest of his cock. He pressed on the record button with his other hand, facing his cock and him as he moaned quietly at the start.

“Fuck,” He murmured, blinking slowly as he focused on the picture near his bed of the two of you. It was another one, different than the profile picture. You had your legs wrapped around his, in a game of twister the two of your played back on his latest birthday. He remembered the feeling of you so close, touching his bare legs with yours and he remembered your breathing hitting his skin, and he soaked in the memory, almost feeling you against him again.

“Y/n…” He moaned out, closing his eyes now, and his hand started to curl faster up and down, slapping all the way to his skin, savoring the sounds as if it was him pounding into you instead. Oh, how much he imaged your pussy clenching around his cock, soaking in juices and cum, and you’d be stuttering out his name, crying for more. The camera focused on his cock, picking up all the noises of his heavy breathing, and the sounds of his hand moving up and down at an increasing speed over his precum soaked cock.

“I need you so bad,” He whimpered, imagining you sat naked against his sheets while he walked closer to your figure. He’d pleasure you, first. He would beg to hear you moan his name; chant out swears while you’d cum all over his face. “Cum for me, be my good girl, you can do it.” He gasped loudly, head tilting back even more. Your pussy would pulse against his cock as he’d slide it sloppily against your clit to get you even more aroused and soaked.

Oh, fuck, just thinking of you wet made him hang right over the edge. “I- fuck, such a good girl, you can do it, I love you!” He cried out, hand shaking with his phone and the video still capturing the moment. His cock twitched with anticipation, leading up to his orgasm. Tom flicked his thumb over his tip repeatedly before slapping up and down with even more speed.

“Y/n, angel, please- fuck- you’re too good to me.” He whimpered, his cock finally spilling with cum, spurting out in long moments as Tom breathed heavily, keeping his hand on the base of his cock. He sighed, opening his eyes as he wished you were here. 

He watched as his cock stopped coming, and he wiped up quickly, making sure he didn’t let any of it fall onto his sheets. He stopped the video, tossing the phone on his bed as he stood up slowly to go wash his hands. He took off his boxers, throwing them to a corner of his bedroom, and walked over to his bathroom. He tried to stop thinking of you, knowing he’d only be even more horny if he continued, and he would have to jerk off again.

His hands lathered in the soap and water and he didn’t care to dry them as he walked back to his bed. He gazed at the phone, trying to press out of the message app, but instead it froze causing him to groan. He irritated tapped at the screen, just wanting to delete the video and get out of the app. 

But instead, it replayed the first part of the video, and Tom gulped in nervousness, quickly realizing what might have just happened. He turned off his phone in an instant, shakily pressing the home button again, and unlocking it to see the messages again. “Fuck!” He yelped out, seeing the video had sent to you and he froze as he saw you start typing back.

“No, no, no” He continued, as fear and panic stroke through him, knowing he fucked up completely now. “Shit, how do I delete this?” He groaned loudly, starting to breath unevenly and in a panic, as the video played over again, and he quickly wiped his hands onto his sheets, not caring that it got wet.

He started typing, in shock. He was writing apologies left and right, as tears started to burn in his eyes. He didn’t want to lose you, not like this. It was a mistake, he didn’t mean to do it, he wrote heartfelt, and with passion, trying to explain you were never supposed to see or know any of this. That it was wrong for him to take videos, moaning your name. Tears started to drop onto the phone screen as your message popped up.

“Are you at home?”

Tom gasped after he pressed send to the long apologies, quickly typing that, yes, he was at home. He continued to add an even longer sorry in the message, as he started to cry more. Just mere minutes ago he was moaning your name, now he was crying your name. He didn’t want to lose you; it would be terrible and unimaginable.

That was when his phone started to ring, with your name at the top. You were calling him, and his eyes widened in further shock, wondering what he should do. He hesitated until the third ring, pressing accept and putting you on speaker.

“Hello? Tom?” Your voice came through the phone, causing Tom to shakily sigh out. His face rested in his hands as he groaned muffled, “Hey…” He trailed off, trying to stop his crying and apologize again. He was sat on his bed without any of his clothes, and before he could continue, you spoke up again.

“Do you- are you alone right now?” You murmured into the phone, causing Tom to glance up confused. His eyebrows were furrowed together as he quietly answered you, “Yeah, I am. Listen, I’m really sorry, that was inappropriate and…” He paused as you cleared your throat.

Your question burned through his mind, “Did you mean it? That you love me?” Yes, he meant it, he swore he’s been in love with you so long. The fear that he felt as he opened his mouth to reply was harsh, but he knew that he needed to confess now or never. 

That video was never supposed to be sent to you, but he knew if he finally got it out, then there would be some type of light feeling he’d have off his chest. He nodded, silently hyping himself up and pushing out the nervousness as he pulled his face away from his hands and squeezed at his thumbs.

“Yes, I love you.” He confessed, biting down harshly on his lip as silence went through the call.

Panic filled his thoughts and body as he heard you shuffle on the other line. “Y/n?” He whispered, staring down at the phone as he went rigid, wondering if he’s lost you now. Fuck, he wouldn’t know how to cope with losing you. Everything started with you, and you were his best friend. He didn’t care if he’d be hurt, watching you fall in love with someone else if that meant he could still be close and be your friend. But if he lost you, it would hurt the most.

“I’m coming over.” You responded, after those few moments that felt as if they were hours to him. He didn’t know what to do in that second, he almost forgot to breathe until you called his name again softly. “I love you too.” You whispered into the phone, hanging up as you got into your car and sighed out in shock.

Tom sat on his bed, naked as warmth spread through him. You love him back? The same way he did? He fell back onto his bed as one of the brightest smiles he’s ever had appeared on his face, love-doped by the fact his most desirable dreams were real- they came true. But he instantly shot right back up with a loud yelp. You were on your way right now, holy fuck. He glanced down to his figure in shock and stumbled up, rushing to his closet and tugging out new boxers. His eyes searched his closet for over two minutes, stressing about what to wear, and what the fuck was happening.

“Shit,” He pressed out, just tugging out an old but nice shirt he hasn’t worn in a few years. He buttoned it up and threw on his boxers and pulled out a pair of pants before groaning. It wasn’t a fucking business meeting, was it? No way, he pulled out a pair of dark jeans instead, slipping and tumbling as he pushed them on quickly.

You. Just you, he thought of. Everything about you was so amazing, and he couldn’t think of anyone or anything that was more flawless than you.

He snapped out of his thoughts as he heard you knock on the door and his eyes widened once more, rushing to the mirror and glancing down at himself, like he had pre-date nerves but much worse. He ran over to the door after a few seconds, and answered it, tugging the door completely open as you smiled softly to him.

“Hey,” You mumbled, smiling to him as Tom’s mouth opened up, but he had no idea what to say except, “Sorry! Again!”

You laughed back and shrugged. It was very surprising, shocking in fact. But also, just fucking hot, you watched it so many times, just hearing him moan out your name in such a way. You had so much to say and wanted to know- but it was still just incredible to you that he loves you like you love him. You can’t count how many times you’ve accidently moaned out his name when you were with your ex, but it just proved you love Tom so much.

When you developed feelings for him back in middle school, you quickly denied them. It didn’t make much sense at first, but you remembered seeing him in a different way. Noticing the strange but lovely things about him, how he tugged on his hair when he was bored, or nervous. And when he’d smile and look down, as if he was shy or insecure about it. You slowly started to start noticing these things about him, and you started thinking about him more, thinking about how something reminded you of him.

By high school, you thought he was your soulmate. Which wasn’t really a good idea to think. You’d be upset seeing him date other girls, and you tried to convince yourself that he wasn’t the one, that your soulmate was out there- and soon you just stopped believing in soulmates or even twin flames. Maybe the two of you were destined just to be best friends for life, which you thought back at the end of high school would be fine.

Something about Tom was that the had glow ups almost every month, it seemed impossible but each time you saw him, you’d be more attractive to him. Notice his dimples, and how his shoulders developed more muscle to them. Summer was always a mess for you, seeing him in his trunks, you couldn’t look anywhere at him without thinking of the things you wished you could do with him, but most of all you wanted to be with him.

Now with his video, everything seemed so complicated but easy to solve at the same time. You didn’t know what he was thinking though, and you wondered if you’d leave without a best friend, or even happier. You’d hope for the later, but it was up to whatever would happen now. You cleared your throat, as you stepped into his house, after Tom moved out of the way silent.

“Y/n…” He started, watching as you took a seat on the edge of the couch, facing him. You nodded back to him, biting your lip as your eyebrows knitted together in nervousness. Tom walked closer to you, choosing to take a seat on one of the chairs next to the couch.

“I’m really sorry. You weren’t supposed to find out- at all. I know that was just horrible, and I feel really bad.” He rambled, sniffling slightly as he waved a hand through his messy hair. You saw everything, it was so embarrassing, but he felt confused, after hearing you confess back to him. “Tommy, I- um, it’s okay.” You replied, nodding your head back to him.

He groaned, knowing it wasn’t. No one likes being sent videos like that without their permission, and to hear him say your name and what he was saying must’ve been the cherry on top. “And, I do love you, Y/n. I’ve been in love with you for a while now, but I don’t want to lose you.” He went on, gazing at you softly and worriedly.

“You won’t lose me…” You trailed off, glancing around the room. “Unless you want to. I don’t want to lose you either, you’re my best friend and I love you- I’m in love with you too.” You whispered back, feeling your heart start to race. Tom blushed at your words, as his eyebrows raised.

“You really love me?” He questioned, starting to wonder if this was just all a dream. How many times have you said it now in the past hour? It was just all a shock to him now, but it was true, everything was. You giggled back at his question, watching a goofy grin pulled across his face, “Yes Buzz Lightyear!” You replied, laughing even more as Tom let out a loud laugh.

The nickname traveled all the way back to when the two of you watched Toy Story for the first time together. You told him he looked like Andy but acted like Buzz, to which he proudly stood up from the couch and shout, “To infinity and beyond with my best friend!” You quickly bounced next to him, standing on the couch excitedly, “We’re best friends?” You questioned. And that was the story of how you two got even closer, still watching Toy Story together even now.

You both watched Toy Story and lots of other movies together throughout the years. Constantly nicknaming each other by the characters. It was an inside joke you both played by, but you felt especially happy whenever he’d call you something. He’d nicknamed you Matilda after he saw you carrying three textbooks in the hallway and you usually stuck to calling him Buzz.

While you were laughing hard, Tom stood up from his seat, admiring your beauty while he walked over to you. You calmed your laughter, letting your face soften as Tom came closer, and you hoped off the couch, glancing to his lips for a few moments. Tom saw your movement, as he parted his lips and licked them gently. The thought of your perfect lips against his, he almost groaned.

His eyes also drifted down to focus on your lips, favoring the way they sparked in the soft sunlight. You were beautiful, always, inside and out, something he found wonderful. Your eyelids fluttered as Tom stepped even closer to you, where you can feel his breath his against your skin. You leaned up, tilting your head close to his as his hand gently grasped under your chin.

“I love you Y/n.” He whispered, closing the gap between the two of you, landing his lips against yours softly. You instantly responded to his kiss, closing your eyes completely now, as you felt yourself fluster with happiness and excitement. Your mouth opened slightly, letting your tongue out as the kiss deepened. His tongue warmed against your lips, licking them as you wrapped a hand around the back of his head, gasping slightly.

Fucking sparks.

It was perfect, his arm flew around to your back, pulling you closer to him as you tugged on his hair and played with it. You stepped closer to him, as the two of you started to kiss passionately, and his other hand drew down under your shirt, skimming your skin gently as you gasped at the coldness. It only led to him kissing you even harder, as he stumbled with you back around to his bedroom, knocking into random objects of the house.

He cursed as he pulled away, breathing deeply along with you and you pulled him in for another kiss, bumping into one of the floor lamps, causing you to giggle against his lips. You both clumsily and blindly walked back towards his room, still hitting walls and even a pile of scripts he had on the floor.

His hands now were both under your shirt, sliding up and down on your back, feeling your soft skin as you still had one in his hair, tugging it with more force now. Your other arm went down to his neck, circling shapes and pinching at times.

When Tom’s back hit against his bedroom door, you both pulled away for a few moments, taking deep breaths as he pulled the doorknob, opening to the room. He pushed the door opened quickly, before taking ahold of you again, groaning as your lips hit his, instantly opening as his tongue explored your mouth. You both stumbled into the room, but instead of going to the bed, he pushed you against the wall to get closer to your figure. He grunted, feeling his cock twitch again as he felt you grind against his leg, trying to heave yourself up.

Tom grunted, pulling away from your lips, but kept his head against the wall, pulling your body up as you jumped. Your legs wrapped around his waist, and you pushed your hips against his, moaning when you felt a spark of heat run through your body, filling up in your lower stomach. “Fuck Tommy,” You laughed out breathlessly, before pulling his head back to your lips, kissing him again. Tom hummed against your lips, letting his teeth bite down onto your bottom lip, causing you to gasp.

“Like it when I kiss you like that?” He muttered back to you, pushing into your body even more against the wall, causing you to shiver at the closeness. This was your best friend, the man you fell in love with over so many years, and now hearing him talk back to you made you want to roll your head back and moan. It was incredible, being with the person you’ve loved for most of your life.

“Oh, yes,” You responded, nodding as his lips kissed down your neck. Your hips jutted up against his again, causing Tom’s cock to stir completely up into a full erection. Earlier today he wouldn’t believe this would ever happen, but now it was and fuck, he was so in love and lustful.

He bit and nibbled at your neck, causing you to whimper as he licked and smoothed sweet kisses to calm your neck down. “Tom- fuck, babe.” You moaned, as he started to grind against you in a rhythm you found addictive, pushing your hips up to meet.

“Can you believe how long I’ve wanted to do this? See you crying out my name?” He pushed out after leaving a long lick onto your neck. Your eyes widened as his dirty talk turned you on even more, causing you to feel a pulsing at your core, wanting to feel even more of him. 

“I wanted you like this too,” You confessed, out of breath as you slid a hand between your bodies, underneath his shirt. Your hand contacted his abs, causing you to shake with delight.

“Really?” Tom retorted, grinning as he gazed back at you as sweat started to pull at his forehead. You nodded back to him as he continued to dry hump against you. “Then show me.” He taunted, causing you to furrow your eyebrows before tugging his head back to yours again. You harshly bit onto his lip, swirling your tongue out after a moment while your other hand curled near his pants, cupping his hard on.

Tom gasped into the kiss as you started to unzip his jeans, making him groan against your lips. You grinned, loving the way he made those sounds, “Mm, pretty boy,” You mumbled, letting your lips disconnect, as you made your way to his ear. Tom clenched one of his fists up against the wall as you pecked messy kisses into his ear and tried pushing his pants lower. 

He helped you out, but shivered as you moaned into his ear, “I’ve dreamed of you begging,” You paused, whispering now against his skin, under his ear and onto his neck, “Asking for my wet pussy,” Another pause.

Tom’s face was more than red at this point, as he realized his wishes were granted to him, and he thanked everything around him, but most importantly you in his head. “And hm, do you know who made me wet?” You murmured, grinning widely as you peeked at his face.

“I- I do.” Tom responded, instantly losing all his confidence as you slid your hand underneath his boxers. You licked your lips as your eyes widened, getting a feeling of his girth. Feeling excited, but still playful, you continued your talking, “Who is it? Is it my pretty boy?” You murmured to him, sliding your hand up and down while lightly gripping his cock, giving him a loose hand job to work him up.

“Y-yes, fuck Y/n.” He panted out, head rolling to the side as his legs started to go weak. You grinned even more, before pulling your hand away and grasping his stomach again. He groaned, pushing his hips forward and meeting your center again, as you wrapped your legs tight around him once more.

“You’re a fucking tease,” He cried out, as you bit his ear, moaning. You sighed out again, watching as his eyes fluttered at the feeling of your breath against his skin. “And you know what happens to teasers?” He continued, stuttering as you grinded down against him again. Fuck, he was pounding hard, and he needed to tug the rest of his jeans off.

“What happens?” You questioned back with an innocent tone. Tom pulled you off the wall without a second for you to process that he was kissing you now. You blinked momentarily before responding, wrapping your arms fully around the back of his neck to support yourself more. Tom grunted as he swung you around, licking at your lips as you let out a soft happy sigh.

He carried you across his room, still not to the bed, and instead to his bean bag chair. He moved his head away from yours, breathing heavily with lust doped eyes, “Get off,” He whispered to you, causing your arms to collapse and you grinned, falling back onto the chair. You sunk into it, and almost wanted to laugh at the size, but your attention was all on Tom, your best friend. You weren’t sure what else to call him, because you knew no matter what was happening now, he would always be your best friend, and you’d love to be with him any type of way, whether that be as friends or more.

“Well when you tease someone, darling, you should always expect it back.”

You felt the air leave your body as he slowly stripped his jeans off, leaving him in his boxers and shirt. You tried not to stare, but well, it was hard (both not staring and his clothed cock). Fuck, you gulped as Tom started to peel his shirt away, tossing it to one of the corners of the room. You quickly glanced that way as you noticed you started to feel shy.

Damnit, not the time to feel that way, but you couldn’t help it. You wanted to be perfect for him, he was the one you’ve loved for so long, one you’ve wanted for so long. You wanted to lay flawlessly for him, kiss him as he wanted, just make him happy, but you really wanted to just fuck him in the moment. Were you really into that “making love” thing? Where was the love if you would just sit and take his cock and not cum? Love and passion were two things that fit great together, and your shyness was threatening your desire to fuck Tom out of his mind.

Just as Tom finished taking his boxers off, he noticed your facial expression and instantly paused. “Y/n,” He started, whispering down to you almost nervously, “I- what’s wrong?” He asked, stuttering, wondering if he’d done something bad. He instantly started to swear himself out in his head as you glanced up to him with that smile of yours, the one he’d always recognize.

“I’m sorry…” You trailed off, groaning as you contemplated what to say. It was hard, you wanted to be everything for him, but you didn’t know what his everything was. He didn’t know yours either. You both needed to find out somehow though.

“What do you,” You cleared your throat, gazing up at Tom as he ran a hand through his hair nervously. “What do- what are things you enjoy, or your kinks?” You mumbled out, scratching your leg as an odd habit as Tom furrowed his eyebrows.

“My kinks?” He repeated, as his gazed ran over your figure again. You nodded back, stretching back onto the bean bag chair as your arousal pounded with lust and restlessness. You could smell the sweat already, what it would be like to feel his skin against yours everywhere, how he’d pound into you and whisper things you’d beg to hear again.

Tom kneeled close to you, biting his lip as his hand reached out for your chin, tilting your head closer to his. “I like hearing everything, I like when I hear pleading,” He paused, gulping as your eyes flickered down to his lips. “I want to see you squirm with my hand around your neck,” He stopped as your lips parted in surprise and want.

“As long as you’re okay with that.” Tom whispered after a moment. You instantly nodded, pushing yourself up and kissing him again. Fuck, even though this was the first day of kissing him, you knew that you’d never get enough of it, always wanting more. His lips were something you adored for years, and now you can finally feel them, know their language, and you loved every bit of it. Your lips separated as his tongue slid onto your bottom lip.

“I love you so much,” You mumbled between the messy kisses as Tom fully started to move on top of you, onto the bean bag chair. Tom grunted into the kiss as you wiggled around while pulling him closer to you. “I love you too,” He sighed out, pulling away from your lips momentarily to gaze back at you, smiling.

“Take off your shirt, I want to see you.” He whispered, sliding his hand underneath the front of your shirt, feeling your skin against his palm. His eyes fluttered close as you grinded up again against his cock. You whimpered as he retaliated, pinching your skin. You rushed your hands to your shirt, tugging it off with Tom’s help.  

You both broke the kiss as you tossed the shirt over your head, in a rush. Before you could kiss him again, Tom’s hand lingered over your bra, speaking up, “Wait, what are your kinks? What are you comfortable with?” His breath was hitting you again, as you blinked back surprised, he asked. You felt your breath hitch from his hand.

“I um, I like it when you touch me- anywhere. Fuck- it’s just your hands are just hot,” You rambled, feeling your cheeks heat up. Tom smirked at your comment, pushing his hand down onto your bra again, causing you to sputter out a quiet moan.

“Why did we never do this before now?” He questioned, as he brought his other hand behind your back, lifting you up slightly. His fingers curled around the bra as you shuddered at the feeling, shaking your head, “I’m not sure, but I’m happy we are now.”

Tom smiled back to you, before kissing you again. His lips were hot against yours, warming your whole body as you felt your underwear dampen even more. You felt as though you two continued to sink into the bean bag and you grunted, wanting even more. “Fuck,” You gasped out, as Tom finally undid your bra completely and pinch at your skin again.

You shrugged out of the bra, causing him to gaze in awe, “You’re so beautiful,” He whispered. You sighed as he placed one hand onto a breast, squeezing it. “Tom,” You began, as you started to feel as though you couldn’t take it any longer. You needed him; it was bad.

“Please-” You cut yourself off with a gasp as he trailed his fingers down your stomach lightly, sliding it to your pants. Fuck, when you looked down, you felt everything heat up, seeing him clench his fist around the buckle to your belt, tugging it off. “Please what, darling?” He asked back.

“I need you now. In me.” You whined, lifting your hips up to take off your pants and to be closer to Tom. He raised his eyes back to you, shaking his head, “Mm, no, I’m going to savor this.” He murmured back, teasingly. You groaned, but quickly quieted down as Tom unzipped your pants, leading you closer to him. Your panties snapped against your skin as he slid his fingers near the elastic.

“I want to taste you,” Tom paused, whispering as he stood back up. You glanced down to his cock again and licked your lips, just imagining what he would taste like, since he brought it up. But the idea excited you even more, pooling wetness near your thighs now as you slipped off your pants smoothly and standing up close to him. “While you scream my name,” He finished up, pulling you close as your eyes widened.

“Fuck Tommy,” You responded, instantly leaning up to kiss him again. Oh, it felt so good to be bare against him, to feel his heat and fuck- his cock hitting against your stomach as well. He pushed you back against the bed finally, and you collapsed with a sigh as he dug his fingers into your thighs. You let out a whimper as his fingers trailed closer to your panties.

Tom let out a chuckle, watching you shiver, before he bit onto the cloth, tugging your panties down completely with the help of you lifting your hips up into the air, and with his hands. “Woah…” He breathed out, seeing your glimmering wet pussy. You gazed down at him with need, gasping as he blew air close to your hood.

His sweet lips found their way to one of your inner thighs, pecking your skin softly. His fingers twirled around on the other thigh, as he groaned, listening to your heavy breathing. His kisses became slower, and messier, leaving a trail of spit as he lingered closer to your center, breathing into you.

And finally, his lips collided with your core. You gasped, instantly rushing your hands to the back of his head, tugging on his curls. Your back arched as his tongue lapped long and fast stripes against you, leaving you no time to stop the loud cry of his name. Tom smirked against you, finding joy in your moans, and lapped his tongue against your clit over again, pressing hard.

You yelped, crying out again as one of his fingers urged into you, curling and soaking in your heat. “Fuck, you’re- how is your tongue so good?” You rambled out, tugging his head up momentarily to see his face. 

Oh shit, it was covered in your slick, and you cried out again feeling him slip and stretch another finger into your pussy. Tom smiled before letting his tongue out, teasing you once more as he licked your outer lips now, instead of your clit. He headed towards your labia, carefully pressing slow kisses again.

“You taste so fucking delicious,” Tom paused, murmuring now against your clit. You moaned aloud from the vibrations it sent through your nerves. You couldn’t believe you were here now, with his head between your thighs, loving and admiring you so much.

“Bet you taste even better.” You responded, watching as Tom glanced back up to you, grinning. His eyes were darker than you’ve ever seen before, and you loved seeing this side of him now finally. “I think I can sit here and eat you out for hours. Everything about you is addicting.” He finished up, raising his eyebrows back to you as you whimpered at the thought.

You didn’t even have time to warn him about your orgasm, it rushed out of you, gushing against Tom’s lips and fingers as he licked you up again. “Tom- fuck- oh my,” You choked out, raising your hips against his face as his other hand grasped around your hip, digging into your skin. You came onto his face, causing him to soak it all up with his tongue, groaning at the taste in delight.

Your head hit back against the pillows again as you dropped your body completely, feeling as if you were floating. “That was,” Tom cut you off, kissing your hip slightly, “Perfect, absolutely perfect.” You let out a laugh, just in disbelief that you were finally with him, in the way you wanted. You shifted slightly, still feeling the effects of your orgasm drift through your body as Tom laid back next to you, kissing your shoulder gently.

You giggled quietly, “Yeah, it was great.” Tom smiled back to you, as you rolled to face him, kissing his nose for a quick second. As you gazed back at Tom, you instantly were reminded of his throbbing cock, as it hit against your stomach, making you gasp. You pulled him in for a deep kiss, causing him to groan, and stumble on top of you.

“I’m ready, are you?” You mumbled through the kisses, pulling and tugging at his hair. Your legs spread wider, gasping again when you felt him pull away from the kisses completely, as his cock barely brushed against your heat. “I am,” Tom responded, smiling back to you as his face softened. His hand grasped your face gently, as he propped himself up above you, lining his cock to your pussy.

“I love you so much,” He whispered, brushing his thumb to your lips briefly, before his entire hand drifted down towards your inner shoulder. Your eyes gazed up to his before you smiled back, “I love you too,” You mumbled back.

Tom started to push his cock in slowly, gazing back to you to check if you were alright, and you gasped as you felt his girth. “Oh…” You let out, furrowing your eyebrows together in surprise before you felt him push all the way into you. He grunted, before pulling back, to start his pace, “Are you okay, darling?” He asked softly, as he saw your face.

You nodded back to him, wiggling your hips, “Please keep going,” You responded, causing Tom to breathe in deeply, holding back his moan. You grinned back to him as his fingers caressed against your throat. You nodded back to his silent question, if it was alright for him to put his hand around your neck, as he slowly pushed in again, and you started to get used to the feeling.

Your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him deeper than before and you instantly let out a moan, feeling the heat build up in you again, during his rhythm. Your attention went back down to his hand, sighing as he grasped around your neck, fuck. You loved it so much, as he started to strengthen his hold, he kissed you again, as he pounded into you.

You kissed him back, groaning as his fist tightened again, and he pulled away from your lips, now going towards your cheek and leaving sloppy kisses. His other hand drifted in between the two of you, finding your clit again, and started to rub harshly causing you to gasp and moan out his name.

“You like that, huh? Louder.” Tom spoke up, gazing back to you in lust and desire, pounding into you even harder now. You gasped his name in return, moaning as you felt his fingers around your throat. Your head tossed back against the pillow, and you breathed in slowly against his hand, blinking dazed and in amazement. You almost felt too out of it, as airflow was limited now, but it felt good still.

Tom didn’t stop moving motions on your clit either, as his pounding started to go into an unsteady pace. He pulled away from your cheek and his hand away from your neck, now gripping at your hips harshly, groaning again. You shuddered as you felt him go even deeper than before and hitting your g-spot again. “I’m going to cum again,” You quivered out, feeling a tear run down your face from the rush of your orgasm building up, and Tom huffed back, grinning down to you.

“I’m going to as well,” He responded, eyes locked down onto your expression as his fingers started to go even faster, rubbing at your clit. “You’re doing so good darling.” Tom continued, praising you as his cock soaked in your pussy. You clenched around him, crying his name again, and bringing his face back to yours, kissing him again. You could taste your cum from before too, and Tom groaned into the kiss, as your legs squeezed around his figure.

You started to quiver as your orgasm pushed over the edge, and you gasped against his lips, losing your grip. “I’m co-” You couldn’t even warn him as you came out quickly, causing you to yell out his name, eyes fluttering closed as Tom continued to push into you.

It felt unreal, how the day had gone. With Tom above you, coming right after you and whispering his love for you. It made you want to scream into a pillow with joy, but you couldn’t find yourself letting go of Tom’s figure as he dropped besides you with that smile. You didn’t know what else to do but to hold onto him like you’ve been doing your whole life. He’s your best friend, and now perhaps a lover, a scenario you played in your head during daydreams for fun, but it’s real now. Your head tucked into his neck, as the both of you laid on the bed, sweating and covered in each other’s cum.

“Hey, Buzz,” You paused, barely mumbling his nickname while giggling. Tom gazed back down to you with a love doped expression, “Yeah, Matilda?” He answered, laughing along with you. His laugh made you beam even more with a happiness you couldn’t compare to any. You shifted slightly, capturing his gaze as his laugh quieted down. Your hand drifted up to his face, cupping his cheek softly as the words poured out from your lips.

“I really do love you.”

In a few quiet moments after, his lips rested against your forehead, “I’ll love you forever,” He confessed, closing his eyes as sleepiness rolled between the two of you. A hum went through your lips in agreement, cuddling closer to him as your breathing settled, fluttering your eyes shut with a smile.

[joheunsaram]

In Plain Sight (knj)

Summary- After weeks of preparation and stress, you believed you were ready for the opening night of your restaurant. However, nothing could have prepared you for the sight of your ex waiting for you.

word count- 2k

pairing- idol!Namjoon x chef!Reader (feat. bff!Seokjin, brother!Jungkook)

rating- PG

genre- angst, exes to (maybe) lovers

warnings- none to note, Namjoon eats mincho

a.n- Happy birthday to my bae, Beezy @hobeemin​! I hope you had the best day and that this isn’t too late haha. I know you requested this for my March drabbles but I got carried away. Here’s some angst to heal your soul!

A huge shout out to @casuallyimagining​ and @missgarnet​ for beta reading! 💕

As always feedback appreciated, a reblog and a like goes a far way. Send me an ask! 💌

-

You sighed in relief as the first customers of the night started pouring in. This was it. This was what you had been working towards for the past ten years. After years of culinary school, slaving away as a sous chef and begging investors, tonight was the night that you unveiled your new restaurant.

You ran your clammy hands over your pants as you greeted your guests, the most radiant smile on your face, before checking in with the kitchen. Even before the grand opening, the fact that one of your investors was the beloved chef Baek Jong-won, had people excited about your restaurant. It had put a lot of pressure on you, but watching your head chef prepare the kitchen for the dinner rush calmed your nerves. It was comforting being in the back, the clatter of pans and shouts of commands made you feel at home.

“Checking up on me already, boss?” Seokjin asked, chuckling as he draped a towel over his shoulder. In addition to being your head chef, Seokjin was also your best friend, supporting you over the years to make your dream come true.

“Can never be too sure, what with your habit of getting distracted by your reflection,” you joked, earning a scowl and a whack from Seokjin’s towel. Pushing him back, you laughed as he yelled at you for almost killing him, his dramatics at an all time high, probably the same nerves churning through him as you.

Where the kitchen was chaotic, the front of the house was almost serene, a low rumble of conversation offset by a soft jazz playlist you had spent hours curating. Your nerves dissipated as the first orders arrived, the customers smiling and nodding at the first taste. 

Moving behind the bar, you checked on Jungkook, your younger brother and bartender. No one would have ever thought the two of you would end up working together, given the fights you had all through your childhood, the scar of one of them permanently etched on his cheekbone. 

“Did you invite him?” He asked as he shook a drink, the ice rattling obnoxiously in the metal container. 

“Who?” You asked, your nose scrunching at the aggressive way he made the drink. You swore if he broke another glass you were going to take it out of his paycheck, shared gene pool or not. 

“Namjoon,” he whispered theatrically, using his eyes to point towards the corner of the room. The sound of his name set you on edge, your heart in your throat. 

You hadn’t thought of your ex for over two years, since the night he walked out on you and you vowed to never let anyone take control of your happiness and leave you broken on a whim. However, that didn’t stop you from following your brother’s eyeline to the more secluded tables of your restaurant. 

He looked different. So different that it cracked the carefully constructed armour around you, a frown etching onto your features as you took him in. Dressed head to toe in black, you wouldn’t have noticed him if it weren’t for Jungkook.

He looked out of place, anxious, as he drummed his fingers on the menu, staring at it intently. The hood of his oversized jacket was atop his head concealing his dyed blonde hair, and his black mask was pulled low on his chin, leaving his bare face on display as if his new album wasn’t currently at number one. 

He was biting his lip, his brows scrunched together and it sent you back to two years ago, the memories flooding your brain as the ache you’d worked endlessly to ignore reared its ugly head once again. 

“We should break up,” Namjoon said, his lower lip between his teeth, as he stood in the doorway. He was still dressed in his outfit from the shoot he had returned from; a shiny silver bomber jacket adorned atop a plain black outfit, his makeup still on perfectly. It gave him an ethereal look, all flaws hidden from view as he looked at you in your striped blue pyjamas, hair up in a messy bun, face puffy from sleep. 

His words felt like you had been hit with ice water, like you were skating on a frozen river and it gave way from under you plunging you into a panicked cold that felt akin to a burn. You didn’t know how long he watched you, your face neutral after you demanded an explanation. 

“It’s not fair to you, Berry,” he said, voice soft and broken as he finally made his way to the bed. He sat as far away from you as he could and the distance seemed to stretch on for miles. You were confused by his sudden change. Just yesterday he had arrived home with smiles and cuddled into you immediately, just as he had done for the past three years, but today you were hard pressed to find that warmth, his gaze never meeting yours. 

“You don’t get to decide what’s fair to me,” you stated. “We are not breaking up.” Decision made, you slipped the cover over yourself as you reclined back into your supine position. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” he muttered, almost silently but the quiet of the room gave him away, his distraught weaving itself in your skull. 

“Juniper, let’s talk about this,” you pleaded, a hand reaching to grab onto his that he shrugged off. 

“No. If we talk about this you will convince me to stay and I just can’t do this anymore.”

“What did I do?” Your voice was soft, as if you spoke any louder it would startle the seemingly broken man in front of you. 

“It’s not you, it’s me,” he spoke the cliche, his dimples making an appearance in the sad smile he gave in your direction. You didn’t understand what was happening. Namjoon was a man of many words, slinging together poetry out of thin air in seconds, inspired by the mundane. He continued, talking over your thoughts, as he explained the reasons he was hurting you, the reasons he was a bad partner. All reasons that you have never even conceived - a product of his overthinking, anxious mind. Every time you would argue, he would counter with his own failings, like how he couldn’t make it to your culinary school graduation and how his fame made him unavailable to go to whenever you needed him. 

Namjoon cried, inconsolable even when you tried to assure him that his failings were in his imagination, that you were happy, content. But he had a notoriously one-track mind, and the only conclusion he could come to was that he couldn’t bear to be with you any more. 

“Seeing you always waiting for me breaks my heart,” he whispered as he held you, your face in his hands as he smiled for your benefit. You didn’t know how to convince him otherwise, but the way he kissed you, tasting of salt and regret, you knew it would be the last time he would do so. 

When he left that night, you finally cried, mourning a relationship that he snatched away from you, before the tears turned to rage, heartbreak manifested into indignation. 

“Are you going to talk to him?” Jungkook broke you out of your reverie just before you could further relive the sorrow. 

“No. Absolutely not. He can enjoy his solo dinner,” you replied, turning on your heels to go into your office, your excitement for the night overshadowed by Namjoon’s sudden reappearance. It wasn’t bad enough that you had to see him in your restaurant but as you turned on a random playlist fate decided that you would hear him too as he talked about your break up on his new single. His sultry vocals rapped about his self loathing and need to please only to realize that he left the only person who loved him for himself. You were bitter that he had this epiphany, bitter that he was monetizing on something that was as much your heartbreak as his. 

But what Namjoon wants, Namjoon gets, and as the dinner rush ended and the crowd dwindled with last call, he was still sitting in the corner table, sequestered away from eyes as he played with his dessert. He must have known that the chocolate bon bons were inspired by him, dubbed Juniper like you had called him all those years, and extra mint added just to spite him. The same way he had named his new song Back to Berry, an homage to no one else but you. 

When he refused to leave even after Jungkook asked, you had no choice but to act civil and make your way towards him. He gasped as you unceremoniously settled in the chair in front of him, eyes widened as if he had seen a ghost. As if he had not been waiting three hours for this exact moment

“What are you doing, Namjoon?” You asked, arms folded across your chest as you glared at the face you once thought you couldn’t live without. 

“I’m eating dessert,” he answered, averting your hardened gaze to poke his fork at the food. 

“We’re closing,” you said, your hand waving to your wait staff that had started clearing tables and sweeping the floors. “And you hate mint chocolate,” you added as he took a bite. 

“It was calling my name,” he chuckled humourlessly, before he sighed pushing the plate away. He finally met your eyes then, a soft smile on his face, his dimples poking their way from his cheeks into your heart. “Congratulations. You did it.”

“Yeah. Alone.” You were bitter. He had left you, practically ghosted you for two years and now he thought it was okay to waltz back in?

“I’m sorry,” he said, dropping all pretenses as his hand reached towards you. “I’m so sorry, Berry.”

The use of his old nickname for you broke your heart and your facade as you looked at his hand placed directly in front of you on the table, a finger slowly caressing your forearm, almost out of reach. You couldn’t help the way your eyes glistened at his touch, tender and apprehensive. How could he think it was okay to come here? How could you think you wouldn’t forgive him if he asked?

In that moment all you wanted was to run back into his arms, kiss him, delve back into that chaotically beautiful brain of his, but your pride was stronger than all the apologies in the world. 

“It’s too late,” you said as you stood up, his head dropping as he retracted his hand back into his lap. “We’re closed. Goodbye, Juniper.” You gestured to the door, waiting for him to collect his bag, watching as he dropped much more money than his bill on the table before he made his way to the door. 

Turning around he looked at you, catching you staring at him with tear streaked cheeks. “I’m not going to give up, Berry”

“You never do, do you?”

“Never when it comes to you,” he said, covering his face with his mask and adjusting the hood atop his head before disappearing into the quiet street. 

That night you felt your defences weaken a little when you got a message from an unknown number. 

I forgot to tell you. I still miss you. Even after 708 days.

-

taglist: @cheesecakes-randomshitz​, @aroseforyoongi​, @awhnamjoon​, @agustdjoon​, @codeinebelle​ 

I hope you enjoyed the angst! For more fics of mine check out my masterlist

[evermoreholland]

Secret Santa | Charlie Gillespie

Pairing: Charlie Gillespie x Fem!Reader

Summary: It’s secret Santa week on set of Julie and the Phantoms and you have to pick out gifts for your best friend and crush.

Warnings: Mentions of food and Christmas (no strong descriptions of religion), FLUFF

Word Count: 2,007

A/n: This is not proofread so please bare with me, I just wanted to get this out for y’all. I’m obsessed with this concept. Feedback is appreciated!

Due to everyone working at some point near the holidays, the cast of Julie and the Phantoms decided that it would be fun to do a Secret Santa gift exchange. Each cast member would be assigned another cast member to purchase gifts for. This would last a week and by the end of the week, there would be a big reveal of who has who.

Drawing names

“Okay, I put everyone’s name into this box. Pick and then get shopping!” Jadah exclaimed as she set the bedazzled shoebox on the table in front of the eight of you. Jadah took the initiative to plan out Secret Santa week. She loved the holidays and thought it’d be fun to bring that holiday cheer to set. The eight of you also didn’t spend much time together since you all had different schedules. It would be Madison, Jadah, Savannah, Sacha, Jeremy, Owen, Charlie, and you all participating in the gift exchange. You each picked out the slips of papers from the box and you saw that you had your best friend and crush, Charlie.

Charlie and you had been best friends since you both were young. When the two of you went to Vancouver to film the show, you two were living together and you got to learn more about him than you ever did before. You had eventually developed a crush on him, so you were excited that you got to be his Secret Santa. It was the perfect opportunity to show him your true feelings towards him. Little did you know, Charlie, fortunately, picked out your name from the box.

“Remember, there is a theme for every day of Secret Santa. Now, get to work people!” Madison shouted and you all made your way to prepare for a week of Secret Santa.

Day One: Handmade Gifts Only

As a child, you always loved when you and your friends would make each other Christmas cards or other homemade gifts. It brought you so much happiness to open a homemade gift from your friend that you knew that they worked so hard to make. For day one of the Secret Santa gift exchange, you decided on making Charlie ‘Open When’ envelopes. You found a cute jar and put some envelopes in it and wrote some different moods on each of them. Inside each envelope, you wrote a letter to Charlie for when he was in that specific mood, like a comforting letter for when he was feeling sad or a joke for when he was feeling happy. You placed his gift outside his door that early morning. The cast decided on dropping off gifts outside their person’s front door whenever they were available to do so, so Charlie definitely wouldn’t expect anything suspicious.  

When you got back to your apartment from filming a scene you were met with a gift with your name on it. You picked it up and saw that it was a CD with a note taped on it. The note said, “a playlist special for you. Xoxo, your Secret Santa.” Your heart almost melted at the gesture. You made your way to your room and placed the CD into your boombox. The playlist consisted of pop, pop-rock, and classic rock: all of your favorites. You were so focused on the music that you didn’t hear someone knock on your door.

“Y/n! Open up!” You heard Charlie shouting. You paused the CD player and made your way to greet your friend.

“Sorry, I was just listening to some music. A playlist, actually. From my secret Santa,” you said.

“Oh, that’s so cool!” He exclaimed and then made his way into your room. Charlie and you pretty much hung out with each other every day after filming. It was basically a tradition.

“Yeah, it’s pretty awesome. What did you get?” You asked, trying not to appear obvious that it was you.

“I literally got the sweetest gift ever, but I know it was definitely not from one of the guys.” Charlie laughed and you did too. You should have thought of that. None of the guys had the time or patience to handwrite notes for their Secret Santa.

“I guess that narrows it down for you, then.”

“Yeah, it does. But it was still really sweet.” Charlie said in appreciation for the person (you) who got him his gift.

“Well, what did you get, Gillespie?”

“It was an ‘Open When’ jar. There are notes for different moods and I open them when I’m in those moods,” he explained, but you already knew all about his gift, obviously.

“That’s really sweet. Did you open any of them yet?”

“I opened the one called ‘Excited’ and then confetti popped out!” Charlie exclaimed excitingly. He seemed to be really liking his gift and you were relieved about it.

“Sounds like a party, Charlie.”

Day Two: Ornaments

On day two of Secret Santa, everyone had to give an ornament. It could be handmade or bought from the store. You decided to buy Charlie an ornament that was music-related. You decided on getting him a snowglobe ornament with lyrics to his favorite song on the inside of it. You placed it at his door once again and made your way to film a scene with Madison and Jadah.

“Y/n, I got the cutest Santa ornament!” Madison exclaimed as she skipped over to you, dangling the ornament in her hands. “My secret Santa is killing it!” You were definitely happy for Madison but you wanted to know what Charlie thought of your ornament. Plus, it was practically obvious that Sacha had Madison.

By the time you got back to your shared apartment, it was already late. You approached your room and saw a small box sitting by your door. You opened it and it was an ornament shaped like a Starbucks coffee and it had your name on the cup. You thought it was absolutely adorable. You were hoping that you’d get to see Charlie’s reaction, but you saw the light turned off in his room and you knew that he was already asleep.

Day Three: Food Gift

This gift seemed pretty self-explanatory. You decided on purchasing some donuts from Charlie’s favorite bakery in Vancouver. You both found the bakery when exploring on one of your days off, and you both fell in love with the place. You got Charlie half a dozen of donuts and placed them by his door once again in the early morning. You got peppermint ice cream that you were really excited about, but you were confused because you never told any of your castmates that you loved it so much.

“Y/n! Y/n!” Charlie called out for you once he came back from filming.

You walked over to the living room area to see Charlie munching on the donuts you bought for him. He looked so cute and happy. Score.

“I’m guessing your secret Santa got you donuts from our favorite place.” You looked at him in amusement.

“This person just knows me so well, you know? Ah, these are so good!”

“Well, I’m happy for you,” you said.

“Yesterday, I got a snowglobe ornament and I’m definitely hanging it up on my tree when I head home.” Charlie said with a smile.

“So you like it?” You asked hopefully. You almost regretted asking him that because you didn’t want to give yourself away. Then again, you also desperately wanted to know if he had liked your gift or not.

“Duh.” He looked at you as if it were obvious and as if he knew it was you all along. You just decided to scratch that last thought out of your brain for now.

Day Four: Something Blue

For the fourth day of Secret Santa, each person had to give out something blue. It was something random that Jadah had thought of and she decided to just go with it. You decided on getting Charlie a blue beanie just in time for the winter season.

You were definitely happy with all of the gifts you were getting, but you still couldn’t figure out who your Secret Santa was. You were usually better at guessing, but you were really stumped.

You had gotten a new blue guitar pick and you immediately fell in love with it. You may or may not have an obsession with guitar picks so you were definitely happy with your gift. Your secret Santa was definitely amazing, even if you didn’t know who it was.

Day 5: Your Choice (The Finale and Reveal)

Today was the day that everyone would reveal who they had for Secret Santa. You would all meet up and bring your final gifts to the reveal. You decided on making Charlie a scrapbook. You included pictures of the two of you and fun memories from your childhood together. You got his mother to send you things to put it all together.

“Now it’s time for the big reveal!” Jadah exclaimed.

“Finally,” Owen said. Owen had been struggling to figure out who had him, and it was basically eating him away.

You began to narrow down your guesses as the night went on. Sacha had Madison and got her a bright-colored lava lamp for her bedroom. Madison had Jadah and got her a beauty set she had been eyeing at every time you and the girls went to Ulta. Jadah had Savannah, Savannah had Owen, Owen had Jeremy, and Jeremy had Sacha. The six of them exchanged their thank yous and you realized that you and Charlie had each other as secret Santas.

“Oh my gosh! Charlie and Y/n, it looks like the two of you are each other’s secret Santas!” Savannah said.

“That’s actually kinda cool, not gonna lie.” Owen tried to say coolly but he knew all of this time. He did live with the both of you after all. You and Charlie were just oblivious to it.

“I made this for you.” You said as you handed him the scrapbook. You were honestly scared to see his reaction. You knew that he had loved all of the other gifts you got for him but this may have been too much. You saw Charlie look through the pages and with each turn, his smile got bigger.

“This is perfect, Y/n. Thank you.” Charlie said and then handed you your present. It was a journal. You opened it and read the first note on the first page. It said, “Read this when we get home. It gets kinda cheesy. Xoxo, Charlie.” You listened to his request and closed the journal. You mouthed, “Thank you.” You wondered what it could be.

The cast all said their goodbyes to one another and made their way back to their apartments. When you, Charlie, and Owen went back to your place, Owen went to take a shower while you and Charlie sat on the couch ready to read the journal.

“It’s a book of songs that I wrote about you,” Charlie confessed. You opened the journal and saw all of the songs, most of them being about how much he wanted to show you that he loved you. You were honestly moved by the gesture.

“Charlie, this is beautiful.” Tears fell down your cheeks as you continued to skim through the pages.

“I really love you, Y/n. More than a best friend loves their best friend.”

You looked at him and said, “I love you, too.”

“By the way, your gifts were amazing. And, I kinda had a feeling it was you,” Charlie said.

“I’m glad you liked everything. On the other hand, I had no idea it was you.” You laughed. Charlie looked at you with so much adoration. He grabbed your hand and placed a kiss on your knuckles.

“Will you be my girlfriend?” Charlie asked, hope clearly evident in his eyes, even though he already knew what your answer would be.

“I would love to, Charlie. I have one request, though.”

“What is it?”

“Kiss me.”

[laskyy]

Hey guys! So today (October 6th) is my bestie's (@newkyumilk) bday! And since it's already the 7th of October (Jiung's bday) in korea I decided to post this imagine as a present for my bestie and as a birthday special to Jiung! I really hope you enjoy this 💖💖💖

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Memories

Tw: Kissing, crying, mentions of trains (let me know if I missed something)

Genre: fluff

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Friends come and go, was what everyone always said and you didn't really believe them until you completely lost touch with your childhood best friend, Jiung.

You and Jiung had met when you were both only 5, your parents were good friends so it was only natural for you two to hang out when they hung out.

Jiung had seen all of your awkward phases, and he stuck with you through all of them, well that is until he moved cities without even telling you and that always made you think if you did something wrong or if he didn't want to hurt you.

That was 3 years ago, now you were a college student and you were very focused on your future, wanting to excell so you could have the life you always wanted.

You were very tired from all of the assignements, but you could finally rest as your college would give students a small two week break, and honestly it was just what you needed to relax.

You and your parents had planned to visit some friends in another city, but you didn't bother asking who they were, you just wanted a little get away.

"Honey, do you have everything packed?" Your mom asked as you went down the stairs of your house into the living room where your parents were waiting.

"Yes, I double checked everything!" You said as you reached the living room and sighed.

"You're gonna love these few days I promise!" Your dad said as opened the door for you and your mom.

"I'm sure I will, I really need to rest! I hope your friends are calm people!" But instead of answering, your parents just stared at each other with knowing smiles as they exited your house and locked the door.

You guys headed for the train station and in your mind was only the thought of how th house was gonna be and who were the friends you were gonna be visiting.

All those thought came to a halt when your mom called you to get on the train as it had already arrived.

You got on the train and let your mind run wild. Train rides brought you a certain nostalgia, because you used to ride the train with your childhood bestriend Jiung all the time.

But well, now that he wasn't here you couldn't hope for it to happen again. And besides that he just left you with no trace.

"Honey, hey, sorry to interrupt your thought, but I just wanted to tell you that we're almost there!" Your dad said as he gave you a small smile.

"Ok dad, thanks for telling me." You answered as you looked out the window and saw a field of flower. More specifically one that reminded you of your childhood with Jiung.

Flashback

You and Jiung were 10 years old and were just playing hide and seek in a field of flowers, somewhere you'd go to after school every friday.

"I'm coming!" Jiung said as he tried to look for you as you were hidden behind a bush. You were hoping he'd take longer finding you but he found you with no time.

"Got you!" He said as he laughed cutely and you looked at him laughing as well. "How are you so good at this?" You asked as you both sat down in the grass.

"I played a lot with my cousin last summer, so you better watch out." He said as he tried to look scary, but you just laughed.

You stood there looking at the field when you spotted a beautiful sunflower. "Look Jiung, how beautiful is that?" "It's very pretty! Wait a little bit!" He said as he stood up and disappeared for a few minutes, and when you were about to look for him he appeared with a flower crown made of sunflower and put it on top of your head. "There, now the flower is wearing flowers!" Jiung said as he giggled and booped your nose.

End of flashback

You were already tearing up at the sweet memory when you mom tapped your shoulder for you to exit the train with your parents.

This place looked oddly familiar, but you couldn't wrap your head around where you've seen it, so you decided to wait until you reached the house you were staying at to try and ask someone.

You arrived at the house and as soon as your parents knocked the door opened revealing a couple around your parents' age who welcomed you sweetly.

"And you must be their Child! You're so pretty!" The lady said as she pulled you in a hug.

"I'm sure you'd love to meet my son! He's around your age! TAEYANG!" She yelled with full force. And Taeyang? You were sure you knew someone named like that, but who?

The boy came down stairs and immediately recognized you as he hugged you and told his and your parents that he was going with you to his room.

"Hey! You remember me right? I'm Taeyang, Jiung's cousin!" So that's why you knew him.

"Oh! I do remember you! How are you? I haven't seen you in so long!" You said as you tried to get the conversation going.

"I'm great! Even better now that I'm seeing you! You've grown!" He said with a smile. You both kept talking for a while until he mention Jiung.

"So you're probably wondering why Jiung hasn't beeb talking to you or why he didn't tell you anything about the reason he was moving right?" He asked as he looked at you with his doe eyes.

"Well, yeah, but he probably wanted to cut me off no?" You asked as if it was obvious.

"Do you really think he'd do that? No, he's not like that, he didn't tell you anything, because he knew he wouldn't be strong enough to not break down when he saw you! It wasn't his best decision, but well it's done right?" He said with a conforting smile.

"I appreciate the information Tae, but why are you telling me all of this?" You asked as you were genuinely curious about this random outburst about his cousin.

"Well, I knew you were coming and I also knew about his situation, so I may or may not have invited him over for you guys to talk." He said so fast that if you weren't so invested in this you wouldn't have caught a word he said.

"You what? I haven't talked to him in over 3 years! Tae it's going to be awkward!" You said sounding desperate.

"Calm down! Everything is going to go well! And he hasn't changed! He's still the same as he was when he lived near you! The only difference is that he lives near me now!" Taeyang said in hopes to comfort you.

A few hours had passed and you heard the doorbell ring.

"Oh my god, Tae it's him!" You said as you nervously paced around the room.

"Calm down things are going to go well I promise! And he's gonna come up stairs. If you need anything shout, I'm going to be in the living room!" Tae said as he exited the room to invite Jiung inside.

You were a nervous wreck, but you were still curious about how Jiung would look now, probably more mature was your guess, and as he entered the room you realized your guess was absolutely right.

"Y/n" Jiung said as he ran in your direction and picked you up in his arms. You were so overwhelmed you started crying and you didn't miss the fact that Jiung also shed a few tears of his own.

"I missed you so much!" Jiung said as he let you down on the floor to look at you.

"I missed you too, but why did you avoid me? Why did you hide everything from me?" Although Taeyang had already given you the answer you still wanted to hear the answer from him.

"I was stupid and I didn't tell you because I knew that if I told you I wouldn't be strong enough to actually move, it would be harder so I thought it would be the best for the both of us, But I was so wrong! I missed you everyday!" He said with glossy eyes.

"Oh Jiung I missed you too!" You said as you teared up again and wrapped you arms around him.

When you guys both calmed down you went to the living room where Taeyang was staying.

"So are you guys ok? Are you friends again? Something more?" Taeyang asked as he said the last part softly so only Jiung would hear.

"Yes we're good now! But Me and Y/n are going for a walk, we'll be back before dinner." Jiung announced as you both went out of the door.

You were just catching up while walking until Jiung stopped at the flower field you'd seen while in the train.

"Wanna know something? I came here everytime I missed you badly, because this flower field really looks like the one next to your house!" Jiung admitted as he mitioned for you to come with him.

"Actually, when I was in train I saw this field through the window and I thought back to us playing hide and seek and that one time you made that flower crown for me." You said shyly as you weren't playing attention to Jiung's actions, but when you saw him again you noticed him walking towards you with a sunflower crown.

"Jiung, that's so cute!" You said as he put it on your head the same way he did when you were kids.

"Now the flower is wearing flowers!" He said just like before as he booped you nose.

"Oh my god, I miss when we were kids!" You said as Jiung sat down next to you.

"Yeah, I also miss living next to you! I was so sad my mom got a promotion, I just wanted to live near you!" He said as he scooted closer to you.

"Maybe in the future we'll be able to live close!" You said as the both of you moved backwards to rest your backs against a tree.

"Yeah maybe!" Jiung said as he gave you a knowing smile.

"Ok, I've been keeping this in for like 5 years so I need to let it out!" Jiung exclaimed.

"Go ahead Ji!" You said calmly.

"I like you, well, that's a lie. I love you in a romantic way. And honestly it's okay if you don't feel the same I just needed to tell you!" Jiung said as he was now blushing furiously and you think you were too.

"I actually love you too Jiung. I have since a few years now. And when you left I was so heartbroken, because I thought I'd never see you again." You confessed while looking straight in his eyes.

"But now I'm here and we could do something about these feelings, that is if you want to of course." He said shyly.

"I'd love to, but we're gonna have to do a long distance relationship." You said sadly.

"And what if I tell you we don't?" He said in a questioning way.

"What do you mean? We live quite far from each other." You said while confusion was written all over your face.

"I'm moving again! My mom found a stable job back in your city! We're gonna be able to meet everyday almost all the time!" He said and as he finished his sentence you threw yourself in his arms.

"Jiung that's literally the best thing you could've told me! I love you so much!" You said as you hugged him tighter and felt him kiss your head gently.

"I love you too, so much, you have no idea." He said as he looked deep in your eyes, grabbed your cheek gently and leaned in to kiss you, but before he could reach your lips he lifted his eyebrows as a way to ask for permission to which you granted by nodding and Jiung then kissed you softly.

You guys broke apart after a few seconds to make eye contact and you smiled sweetly at each other, a smile that showed your feelings for one another completely.

"I love you." You said as you smiled at Jiung.

"I love you too." Jiung said as he smiled and leaned in to kiss you again.

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I hope you guys enjoyed it! Specially my bestie, my first Tumblr friend @newkyumilk! Everyone go wish her a happy birthday! And In Korea it's already Jiung day, so happy birthday to our hardworking Jiung 💖💖💖

Have a great day/afternoon/night! I love you 💖💖💖

[personasintro]

My Tiny Secret | 22; Look At Us Now (FINAL)

𝑴𝒚 𝑻𝒊𝒏𝒚 𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒕 𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒍𝒆 | 22; Look At Us Now (FINAL)

⏤𝒔𝒚𝒏𝒐𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒔; Pretty face doesn’t make it up for an ugly personality. And Kim Seokjin is the perfect proof of that.

⏤𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: seokjin x reader

⏤𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: angst, smut, fluff, mistress au, unexpected pregnancy au

⏤𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: strong language

⏤> 𝒇𝒊𝒄 𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒙

a/n: this was supposed to be posted on my birthday, as my gift for you but unfortunately I wasn't able to finish it in time. anyway, hope you'll enjoy this! all I wanted to say is written at the end of the chapter!

His back meets the backrest of the black leather chair as he stretches his arms above his head, a sigh of satisfaction fills the empty office from the feeling of his tensed muscles finally relaxing. When he opens his eyes, realizing he closed them in the first place, he's met with the frame picture decorating the glass desk. Just a few seconds staring at it, and his lips twitch into a small smile.

The sight of his son holding a football ball, enveloping it with his delicate arms, is enough to make his day and night lighter, no matter how many times he has found himself staring at it. It's been there for at least year, remembering that day clearly.

He took Yoojin and you to a huge football stadium, after finding out his son's interest in the typical boyish sport. It's quite funny because when Seokjin was little, he used to love football. Unfortunately, he had no one to take him to football stadium or even a single football pitch. At least not until he was old enough to go to the nearest football pitch where he found a few friends.

But even with those sad memories of his failed childhood, it makes him want to do all those things for his son. He doesn't want him to feel lonely, left out and unloved. It's something he felt ever since he has seen him through the hospital glass, wrapped in a white blanket, without properly realizing or acknowledging it.

His trail of thoughts is interrupted by his phone beeping with an incoming call, your name flashing on the screen. Not wasting a second, he reaches towards the device, swiping his thumb across the screen before he accepts the call.

“Hey,” he breathes out, making himself known as he hears Yoojin on the other line, telling you something as you shush him.

“Pumpkin, wait a minute, I need to speak to daddy,” you tell your son, while Seokjin's ears perk up in interest but he doesn't hear anything coming from Yoojin in response. “Sorry about that. He's being wild today.” you chuckle, a faint sound of television going on can be heard.

“Is he giving you a trouble?” he asks, chuckling at the idea of the three year old making your day adventurous.

“Nah, nothing I can't handle.” you grin, and it's not something Seokjin can see from the other line of the call, but he can hear it in your voice.

“I don't doubt it.” he jokes, grinning as he licks his lips.

“I've handled his father, I think I can handle him just fine.” you tease, earning another set of chuckles from Seokjin who finds your remark rather amusing.

He knows you're just teasing, he got used to it after such a long time of the two of you spending time together. He allows himself to laugh, finding your teasing and jokes funny, even though sometimes, it annoys him to the point his brows start to twitch. But it only makes you laugh even more and fuck, he never thought someone's laugh could be so pleasant to his ears.

“Hmm, I'm sure about it.” he hums, biting into his lower lip to hide the smile that's settled on his face.

If you were here and saw him, you'd tease him about it until the tip of his ears get red. It's one of your specialties to annoy him, often leading him to whine like a little boy.

A little cough coming from your mouth shakes off his thoughts, fully focusing on your voice.

The rustling sound is followed with your voice, as you speak once again. “Are you still coming tonight?”

“Yeah, of course. I told you I would, didn't I?” he says, checking the time on his silver watch. If he wants to be on time, he should head to your place any minute.

“You did,” He can hear the smile in your voice, “But if you're busy or tired, maybe I could call Hobi and ask him if he can babysit. I totally understand if you want your Friday evening free.”

“Y/N,” he sighs, shutting you up straight away. “I told you I don't have any issue with babysitting Yoojin. I'm heading now, be there in ten.” he says, dismissing your idea right away.

He is tired, of course he is. But he barely got to spend some time with Yoojin this week, he misses the little guy so much.

“Okay.” you murmur, responding before he clicks on the red button, canceling the call.

The ride to your apartment building is quiet and peaceful, escorted with the beautiful lights of numerous buildings. It's a random thought, but he finally gets the appreciation of Seoul's nighttime appearance. He remembers seeing you fascinated by it every time he drove you home, or maybe it was your need to stare out of the window rather than him seeing the side of your face. Whenever you were upset about something he did, you'd shut him off completely and ignored him.

He was pretty subtle with the observing, especially when it involved you.

However, as soon as he stands up in front of your front door – the key you gave him itching in his pocket but he decides not to use it – and knocks firmly enough for you to hear, he's not hiding his observing eyes. How can he, when you look completely dress up in burgundy thigh dress with an off-shoulder neckline, showing off your collarbones. Your hair is darker than it used to be when he met you, but he likes it. It brings out the color of your eyes just perfect. Your make-up is soft, nothing too fancy or too eye-catching, just enough to make your eyes pop better.

Grabbing the doorknob tightly, you set your lips into a tight smile, when you see him eyeing you. Is it too much?

He stares at the silver necklace with a 'Y' letter that lays between your collarbones, before he manages to breathe out a brief greeting. You greet him back, inviting him in as you make your way into the living room. He can't help but stare at you, even as he's taking off his shoes and suit jacket, hanging it on the rack.

All he can see is you, slowly following you into the warmth of your home, hearing a distant sounds of a cartoon that's playing on TV.

“Daddy!”

He whips his head to the sound of cheerful Yoojin that runs towards him, ready to jump into his father's arms. He manages to catch him just in time, met with the scent of fabric softener that you use. It sets a feeling of peace and relax inside of you, because it smells like home.

“Hey, pumpkin.” he greets him, meeting his son's cheerful eyes as his small arms are wrapped around Seokjin's neck, staring at him.

He giggles at the nickname, even more when Seokjin pokes his cheek.

From the corner of his eyes, he sees you pacing around the room, a purse clutched in your arms as you place your phone inside of it.

Looking around the room, you make sure you don't forget anything important, until you're met with Seokjin's dark brown eyes staring right back at you. Yoojin starts to blabber about his day, mentioning something about his new friend in the kindergarten and fuck, he feels like the worst father for not listening to him. All he can see is you, tucking a strand of hair that's styled in a huge wave behind your ear. He gulps, averting his sight on Yoojin instead, who just runs towards the couch and plops himself there.

“Do I look okay?” you ask sheepishly, staring down at yourself as if to check yourself, but the only reason behind that is, that you don't have to stare into Seokjin's eyes.

They're too intense to look at, especially when your heart hammers dangerously fast.

“You look good,” he coughs, “Any special occasion?” He can't help but ask, knowing what your answer might be.

He babysat Yoojin couple of times, it's nothing new. It was usually just you working later than usual, or you meeting some of your friends and colleagues in the evenings. It wasn't anything often, not that he minded babysitting his own son. Not at alone. He loves spending his free time with him, especially when he's not living with the two of you. It all makes it more precious, even though you've told him multiple times he can come around anytime he wants, or take Yoojin somewhere.

He has never said it out loud, but he's glad you're hanging out with your friends. Knowing how much of your time you had dedicated to raise Yoojin and fully dedicated yourself into the role of mother – to the point you barely hung out with anyone – he knows you deserve it.

“Just a date.” you respond, chuckling as he raises his brows in surprise.

The curiosity kicks right in, a fair amount of questions about your date invades his mind, but he swallows it down with a weird twitch of his lips. It's weird how awkward the atmosphere just got, even though there's nothing wrong with you going on a date.

There's nothing romantic going on between you two, since you and him have decided to focus on raising Yoojin together, even though there were a lot of times of intense staring or need to touch each other. No matter how this need is powerful and annoying, there's no love in that. Some part of you loves him, of course you do. He's your son's father but you're not sure whether you fell in love with him. You don't think so, you would know.

The same thing happens to him.

There will always be some part of him that wants you to himself, but he knows it's not healthy. It's just a greedy feeling caused by the connection he feels towards you. You're not his and he's not yours. Shockingly, he's not as surprised as someone would've guessed. He knew this would happen one day but still, he can't believe it's happening now.

“I should go,” you murmur, walking towards him as he still keeps hovering over you, even though you're wearing a pair of heels. “If anything happens, just text me. I've got my phone with me.” you inform him, like every time he's about to look after Yoojin.

You're aware that he'll manage, knowing he's reliable, but you still feel the need to tell him that.

He chuckles, thinking the same thing like you. “We'll be alright.” he assures you, causing you to nod but you don't walk away just yet.

Cocking his head at you in confusion, you nibble on your bottom lip.

“Why does this feel so weird?” you almost whisper, looking down to the floor, not having the courage to look him in the eyes.

Slowly, he cups your chin with his fingers before he tilts your head up, your eyes meeting right away. “What? Going on a date?” he chuckles again, although there's nothing amusing about it.

You hesitate before he gets a slow nod from you. Cupping your cheek, you lean into the warmth of his palm automatically, growing embarrassed but you don't move away.

“Just be yourself,” he decides to say, gently caressing your cheekbones. “Maybe don't have an attitude and sharp tongue on your first date.” he says, his tone light and teasing as you roll your eyes before you nudge his firm chest.

He refers to the first time he met you. It brings nostalgia almost right away but you still find his remark amusing as you laugh. His hand falls from your cheek, cold replacing the warmth he left there, while you try not to show your disappointment too much. He doesn't want to cross any lines, keeping his distance after the moment of weakness, and you respect that. That's what the two of you settled on.

Deciding it's time to go, you walk up to Yoojin who's completely unaware of situation, eyes staring at the cartoon he chose to watch.

“Pumpkin, give mummy a kiss. Daddy will put you to bed, okay?”

He only nods, eyes still boring into the huge screen, even as he messily kisses you into the corner of your mouth, causing you to snort.

The way to the front door, with Seokjin trailing behind you, while you tell him all the instructions about his bed time. You know no matter how many times you tell him he shouldn't be watching cartoons past his bedtime, you're aware of Seokjin letting him to do so anyway. He's just too soft whenever it comes to Yoojin. For the tenth time, he assures you that he knows and opens the door from you, as you wave at him for the last time.

When he sees your back, heels clicking against the marble floor in the hallway, he finally closes the door and goes back to Yoojin. Plopping onto the couch, he ruffles his hair but the kid barely reacts.

“Mummy looked pretty, didn't she?” he asks, not particularly waiting for any response.

“So pretty.” Yoojin says, looking at his father which manages to muster a gentle smile, wondering if the little boy can see right through him.

But he giggles before he pays attention to the television again, laughing at some funny scene. He keeps staring at him, seeing nothing but the resemblance between you and him. He has your smile and as he keeps looking at his son, he sees nothing but you. Shaking his head, he focuses his attention to Toy Story playing on the television, a cartoon Yoojin has seen hundred times.

But even then, his mind still drifts to you, no matter how loud Yoojin's laugh is.

It's weird.

Being out without Yoojin, not experiencing his wild giggles or tantrums. It feels weirdly calm, not having to check on him every few seconds but still, you miss him. But that's not the only thing that makes you feel out of place.

It's been a long time since you were on a date.

The only man you've spent your free time with was Seokjin, when the two of you were hooking up. Is that even the right term? Anyway, that can be hardly said as a date.

“Was the food good?” Your date asks, staring at you with big eyes.

It makes you smile at him, appreciating how thoughtful and caring he has been for the whole night, before you assure him the food was perfect. He carefully chose one of the best restaurants nearby, your eyes nearly popped out at the prices. No matter how many times you've assured him you're fine with whatever he plans, he still wanted to show you he doesn't care about money. It's cheesy, yet thoughtful of him.

“I didn't know where to take you. I remember you mentioning something about loving steaks, so I found this place on the internet. I don't usually go to fancy restaurants, but I like it here.” he explains, reaching for the glass of water.

He's the driver tonight, making sure he's the one taking you home instead of calling you a cab. You wish you could drink champagne together, maybe it'd help with his nervous fidgeting every now and then. It's cute. He's cute for acting so nervous, even though he knows you. You've never seen him being so shy, yet manly and attentive.

“I like it here. But you didn't have to spend so much money.” you tell him softly, seeing him already waving his hand at you.

“I know, but you deserve it.” he says, smirking when he sees you shyly reaching for the glass of champagne as you hide your grin.

“Thank you,” you smile, “I never thought you liked me. Well, at least not this way. I thought you were always just friendly.”

“I did and I was, but before I had the courage to ask you out, you were snatched by that rich man.” he fakes irritation, teasing tone in his voice as you laugh.

“Taehyung!” you scold him, laughing right after.

He joins you, grinning at you.

Your meeting was completely unplanned and funnily enough, it happened in the coffee shop you both worked at. You decided to grab a coffee when you took Yoojin to a nearby playground, knowing you'll need some caffeine. The shock when your name left Taehyung's mouth is still clear to this day. The first sight of him, after such a long time of not seeing him, you were left speechless. He has that effect on you right now.

His shoulders got broader and he looks more masculine, but he still remained that handsome and funny man you remember. You're not an idiot, you've noticed the stares of women he was receiving when you walked towards your table.

When you were getting a coffee, he noticed Yoojin straight away as he stood next to you. He talked to him and surprisingly, Yoojin was very talkative. He giggled, talked to Taehyung about the most random stuff and they instantly clicked off. Which again, is a surprise because Yoojin tends to be very cautious with strangers. A few innocent moments of getting a coffee and random hangouts at kids' playground, Taehyung had the guts to ask you out. And here you are.

It's different and weird, but nice.

When dessert time comes, your phone blinks with a notification and you apologize for the sudden interruption, even though you were just enjoying the dessert. Taehyung just waves you off with a soft smile, silently telling you it's absolutely okay. He knows the reason behind your phone placed on the table is purely because of Yoojin.

[9:41pm] hobi: how's the date??

You almost snort at the message, knowing Hoseok just can't wait to call you and make you spill all the details about your date. He even called you before Seokjin came to your place, making sure he FaceTimed you to check your outfit and make-up.

[9:42pm] great!

His message comes right away.

[9:42pm] hobi: that's it? care to elaborate??

[9:42pm] i'm on a date hobi, talk to you later

[9:43pm] hobi: fine, use protection this time

You almost choke, cheeks burning at his message before you lock your phone. Taehyung notices your flashed face, asking you if you're alright and you quickly assure him Hoseok is just being inappropriate. He laughs, not questioning his messages but from the little smirk, you can see he gets the picture.

When your phone beeps with another notification, you groan and pick up your phone again, ready to tell your best friend to kindly fuck off. But the message isn't from Hoseok, other than laughing emojis he sent you. It's Seokjin who sent you a picture and when you open it, you smile right away. It's photo of them, laying on the couch. Yoojin is showing his teeth, grinning at the camera while he holds his plushy of soccer ball that Seokjin got him. His father simply smiles at the camera, but you find yourself staring at his dark eyes longer than you should.

[9:46pm] miss you

You text him, a word 'read' on the screen pops right away. Bubbles appear, signaling he's texting you back.

[9:46pm] seokjin: both of us?

Your heart flatters as soon as you read his message, your toes curling with a weird feeling in your chest. Biting your lower lip, you glance at Taehyung who seems to be busy eating his dessert to notice your sudden change of expression.

Thank fuck.

Your fingers hover over the keyboard for a few seconds before you start typing.

[9:47pm] yes

It's a simple word, yet it leaves you excited and nervous at the same time. If you weren't in a restaurant, you'd probably squeal out loud.

[9:48 pm] seokjin: then come home

It leaves you guilty, torn between what you should do. If you leave right now, you'd feel bad for Taehyung because he doesn't deserve it and you're enjoying your date. At the same time, it doesn't feel fair towards him. You're on a date, texting with the father of your child that you miss him.

Locking the phone, you chat with Taehyung for a few minutes until you're both done eating.

“Wanna go home?” he asks, paying the bill before the two of you walk out of the restaurant.

“Yes, please.” you answer, probably too quickly for your liking but thankfully, Taehyung just chuckles and opens the car's door for you.

He doesn't kiss you when he drives you home, but he gives you a very warm hug and soft kiss into your hair. He smells nice and you enjoy his hug, feeling sad when he pulls away. After he makes sure you're inside of your apartment building, you watch him driving off through the glass door before you make your way home.

There's darkness, a muffled sound of television in the background which creates the only illumination in the living room. When you take off your heels you go there, following the sounds and lightening. Seokjin's laying on the couch, eyes staring at the screen but you notice him drifting off before he notices you.

“Hey,” he rasps out, looking at you as you greet him back.

“Hi,” you smile, “Where's Yoojin?”

“Sleepin'.” he responds, pointing towards the door of his bedroom.

He informs you he fell asleep quite early, they watched a few cartoons and played some games before he went to sleep.

Staring at Seokjin, your hands twitch at your sides as you nibble on your bottom lip. As if Seokjin could read your mind, he chuckles and makes some space for you.

“Come here.” he calls out to you, and you don't hesitate, laying next to him.

He pulls you closer, arm carefully placed above your head as he tries not to overstep any boundaries. This is not the first time the two of you are in this position. You're cuddling, barely touching each other with your hands, but just feeling his presence and warmth is enough for you.

“How was the date?” he asks silently as you plop your hands over your stomach.

“Good, he is very nice.” you murmur.

“That's... good,” you hear him swallow, “You deserve someone who's going to cherish you.”

It's almost funny how your heart skips a beat, although you've heard him being this direct and honest a few times. He opens up much more these days, saying stuff that makes your head spin and heart flutter with each word, even though he's not swooning all over you. Maybe that's what you want for him. Well, not to swoon over you but add a little bit more feelings to his words. He says it as a fact and a friend.

“Thanks.” That's all you can say. You fear he's going to hear the tremble in your voice.

“I know I wasn't treating you right, not the way you deserved. I was harsh all the time.”

You've had this conversation a couple of months ago. The night when Yoojin fell asleep after a long day and you opened a bottle of red wine. You didn't get drunk, not when there's your son sleeping in the next room. But the red liquid brought much more honest and intimate conversation than you've ever expected.

Because you can already hear the regret in his voice, you decide to stop him.

“Seokjin--”

“And I hope someone else can treat you better.”

“I wasn't innocent in that too, you know that,” You ignore his previous word, focusing on the topic that doesn't involve someone else in your life.

There are so many things, fucked up things, you both did. He needs to know that. And as many times as you told him that, he still blames himself for everything. He bursts sometimes, spitting remarks when he's frustrated but the difference this time is, that he apologizes right after. You can always see the regret in his eyes, voice filled with apology.

Before he can react, a soft whisper comes out of your mouth.

“I hope you'll find someone who's going to love you.”

You've no idea why it hurts when you say that. You want him to find someone, someone who will bring the light inside of him. It'd be interesting to see him being in love.

“Yeah,” he breathes out a chuckle, almost amused and sarcastic.

“Maybe you'll have another baby. It wouldn't be with your fling this time.” you try to joke, breathing in relief when he chuckles in a response.

“I don't think so. No more babies.”

“Why? You're amazing father to Yoojin.” you laugh, silencing yourself since you don't want to wake up your son.

“Maybe, if you'll be the one who carries them.” he teases, nudging you with his shoulder.

This time, you're glad for the lack of lightening in the room as you blush but giggle at his words. He's joking, you know that. He has mentioned not wanting to have more kids couple of times.

Yawning, Seokjin looks at you as you sheepishly grin at him.

“I'm gonna head to the bed. Argh, I'm too lazy to take a shower.” you groan, slowly sitting up. He sits up as well, rubbing his eyes as he yawns too.

“Are you staying?” you ask quietly, slowly poking your inner cheek with a tongue.

“I don't know.” he answers.

You can hear the uncertainty in his voice, like every night he's about to stay over. He has his huge condo he bought after he divorced his ex wife, yet he mostly spends his time here. Not that you mind it. You enjoy his presence, his stack of shirts and boxers in one of your drawers are the perfect proof of it.

“Come on, my bed is big enough for the both of us.”

It should be weird for the two of you sleeping in the same bed, but it's not. It's not unfamiliar, even though it doesn't happen that often.

“Are you sure?” He sounds unsure, cocking his head to the side.

The right side of his hair is rustled and you bite onto your lower lip to prevent a giggle escaping your lips.

“Or you can stay on the couch. But I know it's not as comfortable as my bed is. Your choice.” you tell him, turning around as you make your way towards the bathroom.

When you're done with taking a shower, you walk into your bedroom just to find him laying in your bad. On the same left side like he always does, causing you to smile.

You lay on the bed, wondering if he is asleep since there's barely any sound indicating that he might be awake. Your back is turned to him, pushing away the urge to cuddle up to him, even though you've never properly cuddled.

Just as your eyes are slowly closing, mind already drifting away before you hear his soft but raspy voice.

“Goodnight.”

You smile into your pillow, opening your mouth.

“Goodnight.”

With the peaceful silence and having that someone next to you, falling asleep is easier and quicker than ever before. Your mind and dreams are already filled with two men, with no idea how your heart truly feels about them.

No matter what, you need to figure it out.

author's note: Wow. Can you believe this? The end. The actual end of My Tiny Secret, a drabble series that were supposed to be a small drabble I randomly came up with. Then I wrote the second part which could've been read separately. But the reactions were so supportive and amazing, that I've decided to make it into a full drabble series. To be honest, I've never thought it'd have 22 chapters in total, I was thinking more of like maybe 10 chapters. But as I was writing it, a lot of ideas came up to my mind and all your amazing responses helped so much! I had to stop myself couple of times from creating another 'drama' or lead the storyline to a complete different level, because I had so much content to work with. I had to remind myself that this is supposed to be small/ less complicated than my other series. However, I love how we could see the characters' development and realistic scenarios. Reading all your theories, thoughts and reviews have brought so many smiles on my face and it's safe to say, that MTS became this big because of you! Your constant sweet messages motivated me so much that I never wanted it to end. But every story ends and I know so many of you wanted the ending to be them ending together or the complete opposite. I don't even know when I realized and knew what ending I want, but during writing their story it came to the point that I knew I wanted it to be them co-parenting. I knew it from the beginning that they won't stay together. There is a really thin line between love or simple attraction. No matter what the ending is, I hope you've enjoyed this journey with me. Thank you everyone for reading & being so supportive as always. I'm definitely going to miss my inbox being full of MTS asks, but I can't wait for you to read the rest of my stories I'm preparing for you! Again, thank you & I love you. Can't wait to read all your thoughts/asks about MTS for the last time!

[dameronology]

the story of us {poe dameron}

for @unstoppableforcce​ for the v.day fix exchange (organised by the lovely @sergeantkane​!) i hope you enjoy❤️

warnings: probably a few swear words, but other than that, it’s all g 

- jamie 

The galaxy didn’t stop for anything. Not even Valentine’s Day

And it sucked. It really sucked. Not because you and Poe ever went all out (who had the time?) but because it was one day that you should have spent together and you were both busy. It wasn’t his fault, nor was it yours. The Resistance was more demanding than ever and you both had to prioritise fighting the good fight. If you didn’t, neither of you would have had much of a galaxy to live in, let alone be together in. Despite that, Poe always made a point of reminding you how much he loved you on every regular day - it was more so in the things he did for you, like bringing you your favourite coffee every morning and leaving you little notes on the mirror in the refresher. 

Unbeknownst to you, however, he had a few things up his sleeve (in typical Dameron fashion). It had started in the morning when you’d woken up to find a picture of the two of you stuck to the mirror. It was one that Finn had taken not long before you’d begun dating; you’d both been tired from a mission, and he’d come to the mess hall to find you and Poe passed out on another. You were slumped against him, his arm strewn across your shoulder and both your mouths hanging open. Even though you hadn’t quite woken up properly, you couldn’t help but grin at the picture - even more so when you saw what was written on the back. 

Four years ago: the day I realised I liked you a lot more than I should have. 

You tucked the photo into the pocket of your jeans, barely able to hide your smile as you headed to work. 

The base itself had been decorated for the day - Leia’s doing, probably - with love heart banners strewn across the walls and colourful glitter poured in random places. You’d learnt about the latter apart when Rey had activated her lightsaber, only to get blasted in the face with a mouthful of pink and red hearts. Your joy, however, had been short lived when you’d realised that it was all over your shared office. How much did you want to bet that you’d still be finding it in the crevices of your desk next year? 

‘A wonderful start to the day.’ Rey muttered, dumping the laser sword onto the table. 

‘I am not cleaning that up.’ You teased. 

When you took a seat at your desk, you noticed another photo stuck to the monitor of your holopad. It was from a trip you and Poe had taken to Yavin-4 as friends. Everyone at the time had called bullshit on that part, and you both knew it too. It was at the end of said trip that he’d confessed his feelings for you, and you’d had your first kiss under the moonlight in the backyard of his childhood home. It sounded very romantic, but not moments later, there had been a clap of thunder and the heavens had opened on you. The picture was of you and him wrapped in a blanket by the fire, both drenched to the bone as you shivered together. Kes had taken the picture when neither of you were looking, and he’d managed to catch Poe peering down at you, brown eyes filled with adoration. It was definitely one of your favourite photos together. 

Peeling it off the monitor, you flipped it around to look at the message on the back. 

Three years and eight months ago: the day I realised I loved you (even though I didn’t say it for like...another six months. Thanks for being patient). 

‘Everything okay?’ Rey asked.

‘Yeah.’ You glanced up at her, forcing a smile. ‘Just kinda bummed that Poe’s been called out all day.’ 

‘I’m sorry.’ She placed a hand on your shoulder. ‘If it’s any comfort, I saw him sneaking around the base with armfuls of photos of you earlier.’ 

‘Sneaking?’ You snorted.

‘Okay, trying to sneak.’ 

‘Poe Dameron is a lot of things, but subtle is not one of them.’ You grinned.

The statement rung completely true: his inability to not get excited about everything and tell everyone about whatever his plans were meant that the entire base knew about his surprises before you did. When he’d proposed to you, he’d sworn to himself that he was only going to tell Finn in advance. Then, Poe had told Rey too in a moment of joy, and then Kare, and then Snap, and then Leia and before he knew it, he’d had to spend the entire day running around the place, making them promise to keep schtum. By some miracle, the message didn’t get back to you, and the whole thing did end up being a surprise. 

In fact, the third photo - one you’d found in your desk drawer - was from that day. Poe had tried to take a selfie with you, only for you to kiss him just as the camera went off. Your hand was resting on the side of his cheek, Shara’s ring glinting under the flash of the camera. The picture had been his holopad background ever since, and the message on the back was almost enough to made you cry. 

Two years ago: the day you promised to be with me forever, even though I’m a pain in the ass 

You found the fourth photo in one of your files, not long after your lunch break. It was paperwork from a mission that you’d been filing the night before, so he must have snuck it in whilst you were still asleep. It lead you to wonder how long he’d been planning the whole thing for - knowing him, it was probably months. He managed to pull something so sweet and so personal off each year, and this was probably your favourite one so far. The fact he’d managed to do something so thoughtful and so kind without even being there was a testament to Poe Dameron himself. 

The photo that fell out of your paperwork was from just over a year ago. It was one of you, Rey, Finn and Poe in one of your favourite cantinas. It had been after a successful mission, and the drinks were flowing all night, smiles hardly faltering until you all fell asleep. You were sat on Poe’s lap, his arms looped around your front and his head resting on your shoulder. The night was a little blurry - too much beer, perhaps - and you couldn’t even remember who had taken it. Either way, it was still one of your favourites, because it was your entire world contained to one single photo. The message on the back was just as Poe as the last three. 

Thirteen months ago: the day I realised I was with the greatest people in the galaxy (you take top spot, but Finn and Rey are pretty cool too) 

The rest of the ones that you found through out the day were all throwbacks to other important moments in your relationship. There was one of you in his hoodie, titled the day I realised you looked better in my clothes than I do and another of the two of you fixing his X-Wing, labelled the day I realised you know nothing about X-Wings. Both of your faces were smeared with grease, and you were in fits of giggles together about something. You hadn’t realised how lucky you were to have friends that enjoyed taking pictures. 

By the time dinner rolled around, you’d collected about twenty photos. The fact that you hadn’t seen Poe yet completely sucked, but his little stunt had kept you smiling all day. Even if he wasn’t with you physically, you knew he was thinking about you. Hell, he was always thinking about you, not just exclusively today. His ability to bring you up in every conversation and namedrop you to anyone who would listen was testament to that. 

As the day passed and the sky dimmed, you retired to your desk with some caff from the mess-hall and a pile of papers. Rey had long disappeared to do...Jedi stuff? Whatever the hell that deemed, you weren’t sure. It meant that you were left alone in the office, glancing between your files and the pile of photos you’d accumulated throughout the day with a soft smile. Your holopad occasionally beeped with messages, but it wasn’t until you heard Poe’s specified notification sound that you finally pushes aside your work to check them. 

Meet me in the hangar - bring the photos.

You grinned at the message - finally. 

Grabbing your jacket - actually, it was Poe’s - and tossing it over your shoulders, you flicked the lights in your office off and headed for the hangar. The hallways were pretty much empty by then; everybody else was either having dinner or spending the evening with their respective significant other.  It meant that you could easily sprint to where you needed to be, without having to worry about crashing into anyone or being reprimanded by a stingy commander. 

You met Poe halfway across the room, bodies colliding together as he wrapped his arms around you and lifted you in the air. He spun you around for a moment, before placing you firmly on the ground and crashing his lips onto yours. They were warm and soft and so familiar, a welcome contrast from the pain you’d been feeling all day from missing him. The little collection of photos had only reminded you of how much he meant to you (everything) and made the yearning even stronger. His grip on you barely faltered as he pulled away, pausing to admire you for a moment.

‘Happy Valentine’s day, baby.’ Poe grinned. 

‘Right back at you.’ You pressed a kiss to his jaw. ‘Is there a particular reason that we’re in the hangar?’

‘We’re going somewhere.’ His smile only grew wider. 

‘Aaaand where might that be?’ You quirked an eyebrow. 

‘It’s a surprise.’ He flung an arm around your shoulders, leading you towards the ships. ‘I know it’s a little late, but I spent most the afternoon begging the General to let me use the Falcon.’ 

‘How’d that go?’

‘Dreadfully.’ Poe snorted, pulling you closer into his side. ‘But she said yes.’

‘You’re kidding?’ 

You’d only been on the Millenium Falcon a few times, but it was hands down your favourite ship. There was so much history behind it - not just between you and Poe, but for the Resistance the Rebellion in general. You dreaded to think how much grovelling your husband had done on your behalf to make Leia agree to let the two of you borrow it, but it wasn’t something you were going to complain about. It was far better than being cramped into the one-person cockpit of his X-Wing; that was something you’d done many, many times and you always ended up with a back-ache. 

‘Am I allowed even a clue?’ You asked, following him up the ramp and into the ship.

‘You do know what a surprise is, right?’ Poe teased, leading you through the galley. 

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head with a smile. ‘You’re normally terrible at them.’

‘I think I pulled off today’s pretty well.’ He grinned at you. 

You both took a seat in the cockpit. Your eyes lingered on the dice hanging up by the window for a moment -- even though Leia had originally kept them on her person, she ended up returning them to the ship for safe-keeping and good luck. Your heart always stung a little when you looked at them, just because you knew the history behind them. They held the same sort of sentiment of the ring on your finger and all the photos you’d collected today: memories. Years and years of memories, some filled with love, and some bittersweet ones. You knew, however, that your story was going to have a happier ending. 

---

Poe didn’t fly for too long -- maybe forty five, fifty minutes. 

You’d spent most of the journey chatting about everything and nothing, as you often did. You gelled so well together that you could easily spend hours talking, and completely forget about the world around you. It was one of the things you loved about Poe, especially when there were times that you needed to forget your surroundings. He was always an escape, and in the best way possible. A reminder that, even though the galaxy could be dark, there was always good. He went out of his way to remind you to be hopeful, and to fight for the best. And, more often that not, he would reference the two of you finding each other in the Resistance as an example of it. 

‘Are you gonna tell me where we are now?’ You asked. 

‘Nope.’ Poe replied. ‘C’mon. It’s not too far of a walk.’

His arm returned to your shoulders as you exited the jet, boots met with wet ground - sand. 

Not just the sand, but the beach. 

The smell of sea salt hung in the air, clearing your senses of the stuffy, recycled air that surrounded the base. It was clear and crisp, hitting your skin with a welcomed iciness. You could hear the sound of the ocean in the distance, slowly to-and-froing, crashing against the land with a gentle whoosh, almost as if it were greeting you. 

‘C’mon.’ 

Poe suddenly grabbed you from behind, lifting you up in the air and catching your legs before they could hit the ground. He had one arm tucked under yours and the other under your knees, carrying with ease through the jungle and towards the sound of the sea. He held you close to his chest, brown eyes concentrating on the ground ahead of you so that he didn’t trip. He was always beautiful, but even more so under the moon-light of the evening, casting a silver glow over the two of you as he broke through the trees and out onto the plains of the sand, 

‘D’you know where we are now?’ He gently asked, placing you on the ground. His arm returned to your side, snaking around your waist and pulling you back towards him. 

‘Yeah.’ You smiled. ‘Four years ago, you crashed your X-Wing just over there.'

‘And you pulled me out the wreckage before the whole thing went up in flames.’ He continued the story. 

‘It was my first day and I had no idea what to do.’ You remembered it with a soft laugh. 

‘You saved my ass.’ He pressed a kiss to your temple. ‘And frankly, you’ve done it every day since.’

He turned so that he was facing you, one hand resting on your hip and the other on the back of your neck. For all his funny moments and grandeur, Poe Dameron could be soft as fuck. It was something that very few people every got to see, and mostly something that he saved for you, and only you. It was something you often witnessed under the covers of the dark, when it was just the two of you laying in bed together, softly murmuring about your day. 

‘I love you, Poe.’ You murmured. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t - ah fuck. 

‘I love you more.’ He gave you a watery grin. ‘I did give you those photos for a reason, though.’

‘Yeah?’

He fumbled around the backpack he’d brought, producing a book. It had a picture of you, him and BB-8 on the front, with The Story of Us scribbled across the front in his mildly terrible hand writing. He flipped it open, to show several empty pages. 

‘It’s dumb and cheesy as fuck, but I wanted somewhere to keep all those photos.’ He explained. ‘I know that we know our story, but it’s nice to look back at them, right?’

‘It is.’ You smiled. ‘Those photos made my whole day.’

‘I’m glad.’ He beamed back at you. ‘And we can keep adding to it. I’d like to think that this is only just the beginning.’