#sorry to every goalie involved in that game<3

[msmargaretmurry]

the capitals having this bigass picture of sonny up when they came back to the locker room after the milano hat trick shootout win over one of the best teams in the league.... hootin and hollerin and yelling things like "new album cover".......... i cannot stand them 😭

[leafs-lover]

Because Two People Got Drunk: 3

Series Masterlist

A/N: A little bit of a filler, next chapter it picks up! It switches from Fred’s POV to yours. Going forward it should be your POV, except for one chapter down the line ;)

Summary: Fred grapples with becoming a dad. You and him meet for the first time since that night from February.

Warning: Swearing

Word Count: 994

April 29, 2021 Fred’s POV

You sit there with Auston. Those two words hanging in the air, Felix resting with his head on your leg. Silence.”

After a couple minutes you get up and run to the bathroom, emptying your stomach contents. You stay there for a few minutes before brushing your teeth. You return to the couch and sit down drinking the water Auston got you while you were gone.

“Fuck” is all you get out. “If I’m being honest I thought this was going to happen, I believed her when I was told it was mine. Yet I’m still surprised to hear the results. It’s weird.”

“What are you going to do? Have you given it any thought?”

“All I have done is give it thought. I haven’t stopped since I found out” you respond. “I guess I have to message her. Be a dad.” You pause gathering your thoughts. “I have no idea how this will work, but I can’t not be involved. I can’t go on in my life as if I don’t have a kid.”

April 30, 2021 - Your POV

You entered the coffee shop and don’t see him so you order and find a seat. A couple minutes later he wanders in and finds you, saying he is going to get a coffee then come join you. As he sits down you notice how his tight t-shirt is showing off his biceps. You had forgotten how defined he was, how his brown eyes had made you melt. 

  “How have you been feeling, you’re what 9 weeks" he says in a hushed tone. You can barely hear him over the other customers and ask him to repeat himself. The second time you barely make it out again. “I live like 2 blocks from here, want to go there? More private and quiet…”  

 “Uh, sure.” You say slightly confused but getting up and following him. A few minutes later you enter a 2 bedroom condo on the 38th floor. It easily costs 3 times your monthly rent but is nice and bright, open. You notice how clean it is. “Sorry” he chimes in “I didn’t want someone hearing. The media would have a field day with this.”  

 “What?” you question. 

 “If a fan heard and posted a tweet or something the Toronto media would love it. Starting goalie gets random girl pregnant after drunk hook-up. I can see the front page of the Sun now.” 

 You continue to stare at him, dumbfounded for a few minutes. Finally saying “you play on the team? You told me you worked for MLSE. I mean I guess that’s not a complete lie.” 

 “Oh right. You said you grew up here and had been to some games. Then when I left your place I saw a jersey and picture of you at the Centennial classic. I honestly thought you knew who I was but was being polite.” 

 “I uh, I didn’t put it together.” Silence falls over the room. Frederik finally breaking the silence. “So you’re about 9 weeks?" 

 “Yeah about that.” 

 “Right. How are you feeling? Any sickness?” 

 “There wasn’t any at first, but the last 3 weeks I have had some morning sickness for sure. All day long, it’s brutal. I have a doctor appointment in 2 weeks so I’m going to see if there is anything I can get or do to help with it if it’s still bad.”

 “A doctor’s appointment?” 

 “Yeah on the 12th, I had one a couple weeks ago but couldn’t see much on the ultrasound since it was so early. Should be able to see more, maybe even hear a heartbeat.” 

 “I see.”

 “You are welcome to come to it and any appointment really. It’s your baby too.” You pull an appointment card from your purse and set it on the coffee table. 

 “Yeah if I’m free I’ll come.” Silence falls as you sip your coffee.  

 “So…” he starts “I thought you were on birth control. Like if you weren’t, you shouldn’t have said you were.” 

 “I am. Or I was until I found out I was pregnant. I’d been on the pill for a couple years. I was really stressed with work and forgot to take a day and was a few hours late with another."  He doesn’t respond. “I used sometimes to miss a day or two when I was with my ex and never got pregnant. We were together almost 3 years and I probably screwed up taking it 6 or 7 times during our relationship and nothing happened. So I honestly didn’t think much of it. I honestly didn’t even know I missed some until I was late.”

 “Right. Still seems awful convenient this happens when you are with a professional athlete.” 

“I didn’t recognize you!” you retort. 

 “I honestly think you did recognize me but are pretending “ 

 “You can’t be serious!” you shout. “I gave you the option to not use one. I didn’t force you to not use one. You could have said no and walked away at that point. Besides you pulled out, but ironically your reflexes are shit given what you do every day.” You scoff. “Look I don’t need your help. I have money and can raise this child on my own. I don’t need you. I only contacted you for this baby’s sake. 

If I didn’t I know that in the future this child would ask about you. Who you were, why you weren’t around. I didn’t want that to be because I never told you about this. I don’t want to be the reason my child’s father isn’t around, that decision is yours to make. If I didn’t tell you my child may not forgive me for that. But now I’ve told you, I’ve done what I need to” you rise to your feet “choice is yours" you state reaching for the handle and you let yourself out not waiting to see if he has a response. You slam the door behind you.

Next Chapter

[itsstickball]

Rivalry??

(pt. 2, pt.3)

It starts, like most things these days, with Neil’s Instagram.

Matt and Dan get married on a Sunday, but he waits until Monday afternoon to post the picture of the two of them smashing cake in each other’s faces. The caption reads: “Nothing I’d rather spend my weekend off on than watching my best friend get married.”

Predictably, there are a lot of fane responses, both in encouragement of Matt and Dan and proposing to Neil – which are nice, Neil guesses, but also completely irrelevant. He ignores the comments unless his notifications tell him a friend has commented. Allison, predictably is inciting drama with Kevin. Jeremy just comments a bunch of hearts and suns. Renee comments something about having a good time as well and reminding him not to be a stranger now that she’s taking a few months off from the Peace Corps.

Dan and Matt do not reply, which Neil chocks up more to the fact that he watched Dan turn their phones off and hand them to Renee before they went upstairs than lack of enthusiasm.

It’s Nicky who inadvertently sets things in motion. His original comment falls somewhere between Renee’s well wishes, Jeremy’s over-use of emoticons and the fans enthusiasm that the couple are probably having lots of sex at that moment. His second comment, a few minutes later, is the one Neil makes the mistake of replying to.

-@NJos10. Wait, I thought I was your best friend??????-

It was so Nicky, dramatic, whiny and desperate for Neil’s attention that he shook his head. Still, he smiled fondly as he typed out his response.

-@NickyHemm. You live on another continent.-

He was also present at the wedding and reception the day prior and currently occupied a hotel room two doors down from Neil’s. Erik, it seemed, had much more lenient phone-in-bed policies than the newlyweds. Andrew, on the other hand, took Neil’s phone to toss it somewhere to the left of the bed and replaced it with a coffee cup.

“Yes or no?”

Neil’s phone chirped with another message, but he ignored it in favor of Andrew.

Later, while Andrew finished his shower in an attempt to use up all the hotel’s hot water, Neil fished his phone out from where it’d bounced off the wall and slid under his nightstand. The notifications told him there’d been several more comments on his post, including one from Andrew. It was interesting enough to make him go back and read them.

-@NJos10. I’m wounded-

-@NJos10. Does @KDayOfficial know that you escaped the court?-

-@AllyReynolds. The real question is if he’s even awake right now.-

-@NickyHemm. @AllyReynolds. Don’t bring me into this. @MBoyyyd. @WILDDan. Congratulations on tying the knot.-

-@NJos10. Seriously, I’m hurt. All those weekends spent crashing at my house and we’re not even besties? Was college just a lie?-

-@NickyHemm. Pretty sure the house was more @Amminyard’s than yours.-

-@AllyReynolds. Wrong fucking brother.-

-@AllyReynolds. GASP! Are you insinuating that Andrew’s a better friend than me?-

-Did Andrew bring Neil lunch when he was sick?-

-Or take him to the movies for his birthday?-

-@AllyReynolds. Also I hate him.-

-Or buy him that awesome fox blanket?-

-@AJminyard. Exactly! See, @AllyReynolds, I am clearly a better candidate for BFF-

Neil laughed at the ridiculous banter, seeing no need to add his input. He looked up to find Andrew standing in the doorway with just his towel on, watching him. Neil lifted the phone to show him the screen.

“You know, every time you say that, I believe you less and less.”

The goalie looked as disinterested as ever, his only response being to blink. Neil took the opportunity to drop his gaze from hazel eyes down the angular planes of his shoulders, crossed arms and then stomach. When he flicked his eyes back up to Andrew’s face, the blonde had one eyebrow raised patronizingly. Neil felt his own face melt into a grin.

Andrew let out a huff of disbelief, but pushed off of the door jamb regardless and then walked Neil backwards to the bed with a palm on his chest.

“134%”

Neil spent the rest of the day enjoying the company of his friends, former teammates and whatever close family/friends remained from Matt and Dan’s guest list. Predictably, his phone died at some point during that time and he saw no need to extricate himself in order to fix that any time soon. As a result, he didn’t get word of the wildly extrapolated fan theories until the next day at practice.

“Damn Josten, you know this is only a trial scrimmage, right?” Martin said, shaking his head from where Neil’s quick footwork had left the backliner stumbling to the floor as he shot past and lit up the goal lightning fast. “Lovejoy’s just trying to rebuild from that shoulder injury, not stop a bullet.”

Neil grimaced for a moment, knowing he’d gotten caught up in playing. He shrugged and offered a hand to help his mark up.

“Yeah, sorry man.”

He said it loud enough for both defensive players to hear. Lovejoy just laughed from where he was rotating said shoulder in front of the goal and tossed Neil the ball back.

“I guess that’s what you had to do in college though, to get a shot in, wasn’t it? I can’t imagine having to face Minyard in goal.”

Keller, Neil’s fellow striker for the scrimmage, threw an arm around his shoulder and joined the conversation.

“He made it in though. I guess hate’s a pretty good motivator to be better though.”

Neil, used to the Furies’ casual intimacy after a year with them (and several before that with Nicky and Matt), simply knocked his helmet lightly against Keller’s shoulder pad. Though his expression was puzzled when he looked up at the taller man.

“What do you mean?”

Keller released him with a quick squeeze, then popped the ball out of his racquet to send back to the dealer.

“Rivalries were always a bigger motivation growing up for me to get my ass in gear on the court. It makes sense that you and Minyard have one, after so long pit against each other in practice.”

Neil wanted to protest, but by that point, the dealer had already popped the ball back into play and he had bigger things to worry about than his teammate’s misconceptions about his relationship with Andrew.

He did look it up when he got home, though. Both Keller and Lovejoy brought it up like a known fact, not just friendly speculation, and neither of them had actually met Andrew before, so it had to have come from somewhere. Sure enough, trending in Exy news, just below Kevin’s recent involvement in summer little leagues in Chicago, was the “Josten-Minyard Rivalry.” Clicking on the topic brought up several articles, all of which referenced his Instagram post as well as a handful of various other social media conversations in which the two men seemed less than enthusiastic about each other. To be fair, Andrew never pulled his punches and Neil had an attitude problem big enough to give his PR agent daily headaches, but it still seemed a little absurd to him. Regardless, he sent the first article off in the Former Foxes group chat and then put both his laptop and the subject to bed.

The Foxes, naturally, found the rivalry hilarious.

-I mean, there were a great many bets placed on hate-sex your first year.-

Matt admitted, followed by several other messages of agreement and reminiscing until the topic eventually wandered again. Andrew, Neil noticed, had been silent for the whole conversation – though that wasn’t particularly odd, even still. The game footage he’d put on of the Seattle Stars, next week’s opponent, was raucous enough that he almost missed the incoming text.

“135%”

Neil grinned and sent back a picture of his television, to which Andrew predictably replied. “Junkie.”

[flowerinthenet]

13 Things That Annoy Me At Hockey Games

I haven’t posted in a while. I started a new job and hockey season was A LOT, but I think during the off season I may need to revive this blog in order to fill my Hockey Cravings. I say offseason because The Dallas Stars done did me dirty again and are missing the playoffs. Obviously I will be supporting Vegas this year, but things won’t be the same without my Stars Boys. THEY’RE GOOD BOYS, BRENT.

Anyway, at the last Stars home game of the season I started crafting this list SO, without further ado, here is:

13 THINGS THAT ANNOY ME AT HOCKEY GAMES

1. People who wear the jerseys of teams that aren’t playing

Are you lost bud? It’s Senators vs Stars and here you are, bold as brass, wearing your goddamn P*trick K*ne jersey in THIS, MY ARENA. I’M SORRY YOUR TEAM IS BAD THIS YEAR – DON’T TAKE IT OUT ON MY SENSE OF ORDER. And NO just because Minnesota also wears green doesn’t mean you can escape my watchful eye. Minnesota is a SORE SUBJECT and in this house we respect The Dallas Stars.

2. People who look at you funny when you’re loud and into the game.

If you wanted a nice relaxing night out then you’ve come to the wrong sporting event my friend. I get that you have oodles of cash and season tickets are a status symbol for you, but I paid a lot of damn money (relative to my itty bitty salary) to be here and I’m gonna enjoy myself, dammit! I will yell in support of my boys. I will drink a beer or two. I will get tipsy and loudly complain about how our offense is being incorrectly utilized. If you try to complain about our goal tending I will argue with you. I am living my best life and your stinkeye will not deter me.

3. People who start goalie chants

I don’t care if we are playing the Blackhawks, goalie chants are a garbage way for garbage people to act. If you try to start one in my section I will chant over you before you can get a foothold. It’s just mean. Go buy an 8 dollar hot dog.

4. People who scream at the players

I’m all for loudly enjoying the game, but when you start to screech at the ice like a possessed grackle I have to draw the line. We’re in the nosebleeds. The boys can’t hear you and if they could I’m sure they wouldn’t appreciate your nonsense.

5. People who manspread in tiny little seats

I get it. You’re tall and you have balls and these seats are made for children. But nobody’s balls are that big, buddy. If you haven’t noticed, I’m a larger lady myself and I manage to stay in my allotted space just fine. If you spread your legs into my bubble I will be spreading right back. Get ready for some uncomfortable Knee on Knee action until you get back the fuck into your seat space. Your knee should not be crossing the line the armrest makes into MY territory and you will learn this lesson, SO HELP ME GOD.

6. People who yell curse words or slurs

I understand if we have a beautiful chance to score, miss it, and a “FUCK” slips out a little louder than intended. And obviously if a ref makes a bullshit call, the appropriate response is “BULLLLLSHIIIIIIIT,” but when you’re purposefully screaming obscenities as loud as you can at the players, regardless of intention, we’re gonna have a problem. There are kids around and your ass is drunk and obnoxious. I’m sorry you don’t understand the game and you’re bored because you have the attention span of a hamster, but learn some etiquette. And if slurs are involved? Oh buddy. I’ve never been ejected from a game, but I’m willing to give it a shot if it gets you to shut your mouth. And I’m not just talking racial or queer slurs – if you use one of those, you’re as good as dead – I’m talking gender slurs too. If I have to hear some entitled white boy call a player a “bitch” or a “pussy” one more time I might just lose it. So be a decent human being, please.

7. People who wear jerseys as dresses

I know you’re sexy and you wanna show off your freshly waxed legs. I understand. But this is a WINTER sport. It’s COLD in here. And I know you’re cold too because you have 4% body fat and the seats in the boxes are leather. Just wear some leggings! You’re gonna be a lot happier! And you’ll still look hot, I promise. Tyler Seguin isn’t going to fuck you though, and for that I’m truly sorry.

8. People who wolf whistle the Ice Girls

Those girls are making minimum wage and spending half of every paycheck on their own cosmetics for games in order to wear bras on the ice and put up with every drunk, middle-aged piece of shit’s attempts at flirting. Just leave them alone. You’re not funny. I’m sorry your wife left you. Go home Dan.

9. People who yell at players and beg them for a puck at warm ups

I know Jamie Benn was GONNA give that puck to the five year old with a cute sign, but now that you screamed at him twelve times to give it to you, a 20 something asshole, he’s changed his mind! What’s this? He’s climbing over the glass to shake your hand? He’s giving you his jersey? AND HIS CAPTAINCY? My god, it’s a good thing you harassed him all warmups. What a day for you. I’m deaf in one ear because you wouldn’t shut the fuck up, but I guess that’s a sacrifice I’ll have to make.

10. People who try to get on the glass during warmups – even though there are no spots left

I got here at 6:00 PM, when the doors to the arena opened, so I could get a halfway decent spot on the glass for warmups. You don’t get to saunter in at 7:10PM for a 7:30PM game start and shove your way to the front. I’m sorry you weren’t prepared for this evening. It is not my fault and no you cannot squeeze in next to me there is NO ROOM for your TARDINESS. You take the hand that was dealt to you!

11. People who shout “SHOOT” or “SKATE” loud enough for the whole damn arena to hear.

The only time this was ever okay was when some guy in the terrace below us screamed “SKATE FASTER” with such relatable desperation that my friends and I could not stop laughing about it for the rest of the game. Unless you are that guy, doing us all a service as we suffer through this nightmare, please keep your Advanced Hockey Strategies to yourself. Yes I wish they would shoot too. Yes I know Hitch’s defense first approach has killed our offense everywhere but our first line. Yes I know you see a shooting lane from above that the players on the ice can’t see. I get it Scott. I understand. It’s okay. We’re all in this together. Now be quiet and suck back the soda in your 9 dollar commemorative plastic cup.

12. People who boo their own team

B I T C H. IF YOU CAME HERE TO BE A NEGATIVE FUCKING NANCY YOU CAN GET THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW. These are my BOYS. Even when they hurt me like this they are my BOYS. BOO THE OTHER DAMN TEAM YOU MONSTERS.

13. People who leave the arena early when we’re losing.

We all have to work tomorrow, Susan. We’re all disappointed that it would take a miracle to win this game now. But if you THINK I’m gonna abandon my TEAM in their hour of need, you got another thing coming. I am here til the BITTER END. So GO. Beat the traffic – but I know where your true loyalties lie.

[madlori]

Hockey, the FAQ edition

As a follow-up to my Hockey Quick and Dirty post, I present this, a list of questions I have been asked by friends and family members and random people on the interwebs.

1. Why doesn’t Canada have its own hockey league?

They do. The NHL is really the North American hockey league. Seven of the 31 teams are Canadian teams. The reason there are more American teams is just...well, we have more cities large enough to support a team, although there’s perpetual talk of a team returning to Hamilton, ON, which used to have a team but hasn’t in forever, or to Quebec City. Hockey was invented in Montreal and traces its origins to 1917 when four teams came together, including the Montreal Canadiens, the longest continuously-existing team in the league (the Ottawa Senators were also there in 1917 but they went away and then came back). The Boston Bruins were the first US team. There was lots of flux until 1942 when the league settled into a 25 year stretch of what is now called the Original Six teams: the Montreal Canadiens, Toronto Maple Leafs, Boston Bruins, Chicago Blackhawks, Detroit Red Wings, and New York Rangers. Those were the only teams in the league until 1967 when a massive expansion happened and they added 6 new teams. More teams were added over the years to get us to our current 31. The most recent (completed) expansion was in 2000 when the Minnesota Wild and the Columbus Blue Jackets were added, and in 2011 the Atlanta Thrashers were moved to Winnipeg to reinvent the Jets. Now there’s the new Vegas team, too.

Which is probably more information than you wanted.

I might point out that there is such a thing as the Canadian Hockey League - but that's a major junior hockey league, for players ages 16-20 (or until they're drafted or go to college or whatever). The CHL is an umbrella organization with three member leagues, the WHL (Western Hockey League), the OHL (Ontario Hockey League) and most famously the QMJHL (the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League). This last is ubiquitous enough that it's simply referred to as "The Q" (as in "Yeah, we played in the Q together."). The US doesn't really have an analagous organization, but it is also much more common for American players to go to college. The CHL leagues are major feeders for the NHL draft. The CHL leagues are, in fact, professional leagues - the players are paid. Not much, but they're paid. If you read "Check, Please!" this is a point of inaccuracy which Ngozi freely admits to screwing up - Jack Zimmermann played in the Q, but since it's a professional league, he would not have then been eligible to play NCAA hockey at Samwell. Oh well.

2. Why haven’t any modern players beaten Wayne Gretzky’s records? Lame.

Heh. Gretzky’s records will probably never be broken, but it’s not because the players now suck. It’s because changes to the game over the last 20 years, and especially since 2005, have made it all but impossible. Overall, scoring in the league has decreased about 20% since Wayne and Mario were playing. This is a combination of training (the players have a much higher level of training and experience now, making it harder to get past them and score), goalie equipment, and the salary cap (which is an entirely other topic).  It is worth noting that even with adjustments for era (there’s math that can be done to correct for this effect) both Gretzky and Mario Lemieux were freakishly good.

3. Have any teams never won the Cup?

Oh yes, tons of teams have never won it. In fact of the 30 current NHL teams, a whopping 12 have never won the Cup. And then there’s the Maple Leafs, who haven’t won it in 48 years. But the team that everyone talks about on this topic is the Washington Capitals, who have been...well, at this point I’m just gonna say cursed. They’ve won the President’s Trophy (that’s for having the highest point total in the regular season) three times in the salary cap era, their captain, Alex Ovechkin, has won the goal-scoring title a totally ridiculous six times (out of the 13 years he’s played in the NHL), they tend to dominate in the regular season and then...can’t quite get there. In fact they haven’t even made it to the Stanley Cup Finals since 1998. Nobody knows how this keeps happening. The Penguins are a bit of a nemesis for them. They cannot seem to beat them in the postseason. And since they’re in the same division, the Caps will always have to go through the Penguins to get to the final, in any year that both teams qualify for the postseason.

4. What happens to the ice between games?

I LOVE THIS QUESTION because I weirdly find logistics fascinating because I am a giant nerd. 

Answer: nothing! It’s still there. Arenas where hockey is played host other events as well. Many hockey teams share their arena with an NBA team - both the Rangers and the Knicks play at Madison Square Garden, and the Kings and the Lakers both play at the Staples Center. In addition, most of these arenas frequently host concerts, speeches, conventions, stuff like that. Coordinating all these schedules must be a nightmare and I'm glad I don't have to do it. I mean, the Knicks and the Rangers can't have a home game on the same night so does the NHL and the NBA work together on the schedule? I don't know. A lot of spreadsheets must be involved.

Obviously the ice surface is the most difficult to establish and maintain. They can't possibly destroy and re-make the ice between every game. So once the ice surface is created for the season, it remains there until the hockey season is over. If you've ever been to a concert or another sporting event at an arena that also hosts hockey, during the hockey season? The ice was there, just covered up. Some arenas leave the boards up, depending on what's coming in next. The nets, glass, player benches and penalty boxes are removed and seats are moved in. The ice itself is covered first with insulating rubber, then with flooring, then with whatever surface is required for the next event on the schedule. If it's an NBA game, a basketball court is smaller than a hockey rink so the court surface is brought in and the courtside seating is set up. Arena crews do this overnight superfast. They're really good at it. There are some fascinating time-lapse videos on YouTube of arena crews doing this changeover.

Here’s one of my favorites: a time-lapse video of 72 hours at Nationwide Arena (Columbus’s arena) showing them transitioning from hockey, to a concert, to basketball, and back to hockey:

https://youtu.be/sjpoTokyvVs

Once the hockey season is over, the ice surface is chiseled up and disposed of till next season. The Penguins did a cute thing this year where they let fans come in and paint messages and pictures onto the ice before it's taken up.

5. Why is Sidney Crosby considered the greatest hockey player in the world? He doesn't seem like all that.

Yeah, I know he might not, but he is. If you ask 100 hockey pros (writers, players, coaches) who the greatest player is, you'll probably get about 90% agreement, if not more. The thing about Sid is that he's great in ways that aren't casually apparent. He's not flashy (well, he can be - if he goes to one knee to shoot say your prayers - but usually not so much) and some of his most important skills aren't exciting except to other people who either play hockey or spend all their time watching it and thinking/writing about it. He's not out there doing trick shots or scoring on huge slappers. Not a lot of people are going to get all hot and bothered over puck protection skills, but that's the kind of stuff that wins games.

Sid isn't primarily a goal-scorer, although he's more than capable of scoring (he won the goal-scoring title this year, and has done it once before). He's a guy who creates offense. People who've played with him or coached him talk about his near-spooky ability to "see the ice" - hockey talk for playing chess in your head with the puck. He can see what's going to happen and know where to place himself and the puck to enable a goal to be scored, whether it's by him or one of his wingers. He's somewhat notorious for having trouble finding wingers who can play with him, and this is why - his wingers need to be good at this, too, to keep up with him, and it's not a universal skill.

Other players also talk about how difficult he is to defend because he's near impossible to knock off the puck. Part of this is...okay, let's just put it out there, it's genetics. You know how Michael Phelps is an amazing swimmer partly because he lucked into the perfect body shape for it? Sid lucked into the ideal hockey body. He has a ginormous ass and thighs like flying buttresses, plus he's short and has a low center of gravity. There are amusing YouTube compilations of defensemen trying to check him and just sort of...bouncing off. Sorry, thanks for playing.

So it's not always obvious why he's great. On the other hand, sometimes he'll do some insane shit like score by bouncing a puck off the goalie's back, passing to a teammate between his legs behind his back without looking, or streaking up the ice half off his balance and score off a one-handed backhand shot and you're like...okay yeah, I get it now.

If you want some numbers, here you go. One of the most important player stats is points per game, which is a straight-up measurement of a player's offensive power. Sidney Crosby ranks FIFTH in points per game...ALL-TIME. The only players ahead of him are Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux, Mike Bossy and Bobby Orr, and those four guys are basically the Mt. Rushmore of hockey. And that's WITHOUT any corrections for era (see the answer above about Gretzky's records).

Just for a little point of comparison, three current NHL players hit the 1000 point mark this season (that's a big deal). The first was Henrik Sedin. It took him 1213 games to reach that milestone. The second was Sid's main rival in the "greatest player" thing, Alex Ovechkin. It took him 880 games to hit 1000 points. Sid did it in 757 games. Only 11 players in NHL history have done it faster.

6. So...fighting is really and truly just...allowed?

For certain values of “allowed.” It happens, the refs know it’s gonna happen, a real fight is almost always somewhat planned. Players get into minor scuffles, pushy-pushy, sweary-sweary all the time - those aren’t fights. Capital-F Fights are when the gloves come off, punches are thrown, the players keep each other from piling on, the refs just sort of let them fight it out. When they’re done they’ll usually both get a penalty of some kind, either fighting or roughing. 

7. Who the hell are the Habs? That...isn’t a team.

The Montreal Canadiens are called the “Habs” colloquially (it’s short for Les Habitants, the French-Canadian term for Canadiens). Several teams have nicknames. The Tampa Bay Lightning are often called the Bolts - in fact, that nickname is on their third jersey. The other teams’ nicknames are usually just the shortened form of their actual name (the Caps, the Sens, the Hawks, the Pens, etc).

8. What’s this points stuff? Why aren’t standings by W/L?

Because hockey is special and wants you to know about it. Team standings in hockey are not determined by win/loss record, but by total points. You get two points for a win, zero points for a regulation loss, but -- and here’s the difference -- you get one point for a loss in overtime. This is sometimes called the “loser point” and it’s relatively new. It’s like getting partial credit for a tie. A team’s total points is the sum of wins + OT losses. A team can have fewer wins but more points than another team if that first team had a lot of OT losses. Ties are pretty common in hockey, being generally low-scoring, and it’s well worth the effort to try and tie up the game (resulting in heart-taxing strategies like pulling the goalie) because not only could you then go on to win in OT but you’ll at least get one point just for ending regulation in a tie.

9. What’s with the tape on their socks?

Hockey gear is complicated. The players wear chest/shoulder pads, elbow pads, helmets, hockey pants (which have built-in kidney protectors), shin guards, and skates. Hockey socks are actually hip-high - they go way up underneath the pants. Here’s an image for you - pro hockey players actually wear garter belts under their pants. The socks clip to the belts to keep them up. But players also use clear tape wrapped around their shins to keep their socks in place over the top of their shinpads (which are underneath the socks). Each player has their own special way of taping their socks. And taping their sticks. And putting on their gear. And breathing, probably.

10. Hey, the goalie's buggered off again, but it's like the middle of the second period. You said that happens at the end of games.

I did say that, yeah.

So WTF?

What you're seeing is the result of a delayed penalty. That's...a whole thing.

Hit me with the thing.

Okay, you asked for it. So here's the scenario. Let's imagine a game between...oh, let's say the Capitals and the Sharks. The Capitals have the puck, they're charging toward the goal to score. But oh no, one of the Sharks trips a Capitals defenseman! Penalty! The penalty will benefit the Capitals, but they would really rather keep possession of the puck and complete their scoring opportunity. To get the power play they are now owed, they'd have to stop, change lines, have another faceoff - and sacrifice the puck possession and scoring opportunity they already have. So the penalty is delayed until the Capitals lose possession or score.

Well, that means...what, exactly? It means that the second one of the Sharks takes possession of the puck, play will be stopped and the penalty will go into effect. So the Capitals are in absolutely zero danger of being scored on right now. Play will be stopped the second they lose puck possession. So they might as well pull their goalie and put another skater on the ice, and give themselves a better chance to score, right?  So that's what usually happens. A delayed penalty is like getting a little bit extra on that power play you're about to have, except you get a brief period of 6-on-5 before your 5-on-4.

You might think this happens all the time, but it really doesn't. Definitely not every game.

Well, this concludes this edition of Hockey FAQ with Lori the Hockey Noob. I welcome your questions if you have them. If I don't know the answer I'll find out.

[Support my original writing on Patreon!]

[sassoffrass]

Write Your Love To Me: Part 1

First chapter is here! Thank you Bee for the inspiration! You can also find this on Ao3.  Sorry if the spacing is weird, I’m still working on posting fic on tumblr without loosing my format.

Sidney stared at his teacher. Mrs. Hammas was an older lady, who always smiled at him, even when she caught him drawing hockey sticks in the corner of his workbook pages.  It was only a month into grade 2, and so far they had learned how to subtract large numbers, and began reading chapter books for a book report that they had to turn in before Thanksgiving. Sidney had chosen The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, which while interesting, had lots of big words he didn’t know.

“I have a special announcement class! We are getting pen pals for the entire year!”

Whispers spread throughout then class, “I already have your first letters from them! We have been paired with a grade 3 class in Russia.  Can anyone tell me where Russia is?”

“It‘s in Europe and Asia!” piped a voice behind Sidney. Hanna was always answering questions, and while nice did not care about sports at all. She didn’t even like hockey. Sidney was half convinced she was an alien.

Mrs. Hammas smiled, “Correct!” She grabbed a large manila envelope from her desk, “Now, the class we have been paired with is a year above you, but English is not their first language. One of the main purposes of these pen pals will be for them to improve their writing.”

Sidney bit his lip, English was the main language in Nova Scotia but the older couple that lived next to the Crosby’s were from Quebec and spoke French.

Moving around the room Mrs. Hammas started handing envelopes to each student, “Don’t be surprised if the first letter is short, your pen pal may be nervous. When you write back, I want a full two pages! Tell them about yourself; how old you are, what your favorite subject is, what you like to do outside of school.”

The envelope that was handed to Sidney was off white, and slightly wrinkled. The flap wasn’t licked, but folded in. Pulling out then notebook paper, Sidney realized that he only had one sheet folded in half. The handwriting was shaky, and there were several smudges where the writer had obviously erased his words and started again.

Dear Penpal, My name is Zhenya. I am 8 years old. I live in Magnitogorsk. I have one brother. Do you have a brother? I play hockey. Do you like hockey? -Zhenya

The letter was short and very simple, but it had two sentences that, in a little over a decade, would accumulate into something great. I play hockey. Do you like hockey?

  Sidney grinned down at the letter. His pen pal, Zhenya he corrected himself, like hockey. He played hockey. Maybe he played forward? Or defense? Dozens of questions buzzed in his head. He tried to picture what this Zhenya looked like, maybe he was tall, he was a whole year older than Sidney so he was probably taller. This boy liked hockey, and more importantly, had never played with Sidney before.

Never been his friend, only to say mean things once Sidney scored again and again. Never pretended to be nice, and then shove him when the coaches weren’t looking. Never skated past him and swiped at his calves.  His parents always told him to ignore the other boys, that they were just jealous, but he sometimes he hated going to practice. He loved the ice, the feeling of flying, the energy he felt when the puck left his stick…but he wished he had someone on his team that liked him beyond the fact that he helped win games.

Sidney read the letter again. I play hockey. Do you like hockey? This was a chance. He had to write back, no matter what, Mrs. Hammas said they had to. Steeling his nerves, Sidney pulled his notebook out of his desk, the one with the Habs logo on it. Flipping to a clean page he picked up his pencil and began.

Dear Zhenya, My name is Sidney. I am seven years old, and I live in Cole Harbor. That is in Canada. My teacher, Mrs. Hammas says that we are going to be writing to each other all year. I don’t have a brother or a sister. I wish I did, then I would have someone to play with all the time. I play hockey too! I love it. My favorite team is the Montreal Canadiens. I excited for the new season to start. I play on my local team. I play center. What position do you play? Are you on a team? My dad use to be a goalie, so sometimes I get to play with him. Does your brother play? Do you have a favorite team? I love skating. It makes me feel like I am flying on the ice. Does it feel like that for you? Hope you have a good day, Sidney

Sidney scanned through the letter. It wasn’t two full pages, but it almost was and he was pretty sure he spelled everything right, so Mrs. Hammas would be happy.  Carefully, Sidney folded it in half, and stood up to bring it to the front of the room, where some of his classmates had already put their finished letters. He was almost out of his chair when he paused and opened the letter again. Quickly he doodled a hockey stick and puck next to his name. Maybe Zhenya could be a friend.

_/\_ August finished and it was half way through September before the next letter came. By then the preseason had truly began and Sidney was spending hours every day on the ice, on his driveway, and in his basement practicing. He spent hours skating forward and backward, practicing sharp turns, his puck handling, and his shots. When he wasn’t practicing he was working on homework, which involved entirely too much math.

The boys on his team this year had mostly stayed the same, only a few new players. It wasn’t any different though. They would smile and joke, and complain about school together, but as soon as they hit the ice the extra roughness started up again. The chirps got a little meaner, and the looks he got when Coach praised his work were a little more hostile. Another season of hoping that his teammates would like him enough not to mess with this gear.

Sidney loved hockey, but he didn’t always love the people.

When Mrs. Hammas announced that they had gotten responses Sidney had half forgotten about the letter he had written. He wondered if his pen pal had minded all the questions that Sidney had asked. Maybe he would be as excited about hockey as Sidney was. It was doubtful.

Mrs. Hammas passed the letters around to each student. This time the envelope had a messily written Sidney on it and felt a little thicker. It still wasn’t sealed shut, just the flap tucked in. Carefully, Sidney pulled out the letter and was pleased to see a full two pages written in the same messy hand writing as before.

Dear Sidney, I am happy that you like hockey. I love to play. My brother name is Denis. We play hockey together. It is my town team.  I play in mornings before school and after. I play center to. Denis is 9 and we play on same team. My favorite team is Metallurg Magnitogorsk. Is Russian team. Russian best. Being on ice best. Skating is all. I want to skate forever. Mama says that I should work hard in school. Hockey is fun. School is not fun. English is hard.

There were several drawings then. Two were of hockey sticks, and another of a goal post. The last drawing was of a stick figure holding a puck and a stick.

I wish I could play hockey every day. Do you? Denis say hockey is not all. I think Denis is wrong.  Hockey is everything. It makes everything better. -Zhenya

Sidney stared at the letter. Hockey is everything.  His fingers twitched. It was still early morning, only about 9am, but he had already practiced for two hours before he had to get on the bus for school.  Zheyna understood. It wasn’t that Sidney didn’t like other things. He liked playing baseball, he liked watching shows on PBS, and he liked swimming.  But hockey. Hockey is everything.  

Pulling out his Habs notebook Sidney was already drafting his response in his head. This letter wasn’t going to be nearly as short as his first. He needed to know everything about Metallurg, he had never heard of it before, but more importantly, he needed to know everything that Zhenya liked about hockey.

Dear Zhenya, Hockey is everything. I practiced my slap shot this morning…

_/\_

[sirandking]

Do you have any headcanons about Robin? :)

absolutely i do bless u for asking

first of all the girl can draw

like really draw

it’s canon that when she was younger she drew notebooks full of exy racquets when she was scared or panicking

can u imagine? she keeps this up all the way to palmetto and by the time she starts as a freshman goalie she’s doodling almost lifelike drawings on scrap pieces of paper

she ends up drawing advertisements for fox games and a new logo for their team

(sometimes her and neil “fox paws” josten just sit around and doodle when they’re feeling lonely and missing all the older foxes)

and oh boy neil josten

they are canonically attached at the hip for all of neil’s final year

and she’s generally pretty shy, so most people assume that she’s a little embarrassed or uncomfortable whenever neil snaps at a reporter or calls out a misguided fan

and they start feeling kind of sorry for her, wondering if they should save her from the line of fire?

but then one day she and one of the other foxes are on press duty without neil

and the reporter asks “do you think the fact that you were kidnapped as a child affects your ability to play?”

and she’s like “no, do your pedophilia and daddy issues affect your skill as a reporter?”

(she stutters halfway through and she’s bright red for an entire day afterwards but neil is crying)

(andrew’s like “she gets this from your side of the family”)

(later she punches a stalker in the gut and andrew almost seems to look satisfied)

i’ve talked a bit about robin and renee

but essentially they’re kindred souls who are both literal saints and mutually respect each other for everything they’ve been through

also i guarantee you robin sets up a charity for finding and rehabilitating kidnapped kids and renee helps out when she’s struggling to set it up by getting lots of her charity worker contacts involved

robin and katelyn??

can u imagine how pure this friendship would be??

they would go out for coffee dates every thursday between classes and just sit and chat

katelyn would never press robin to say anything she’d just talk about her day and her classes and aaron and the vixens

and robin in return would show katelyn her art and talk about the team

and can you imagine how much the younger foxes look up to her when she’s captain?

she’s grown so much over three years and she still doesn’t quite have the confidence to stand in front of her team and tell them what to do

but by god does she have the skill

(after a decade of obsession and two years with neil josten? how could she not)

and she’s patient and helpful and never yells

but she also comes from the neil josten school of tolerating no bullshit

wymack thinks she’s the best captain he’s had since dan

(neil is offended but dan agrees)

anyway that’s all i can think of for now but i hope that’s close to what you wanted!!

[nickireadstfc]

The Foxhole Court, Chapter 7 – The Literal Opposite Of Squad Goals

In which the Foxes don’t exactly win Squad Of The Year, everyone fights with everyone, disturbingly weird sexual tension is more disturbing and weird than sexual, and just when you think ‘oh man, it can’t go downhill from there’, spoiler alert: It does.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Foxhole Court.

Since we finally – finally! – got the gang together last time, I thought this chapter was going to be entertaining Exy practices, getting to know our new characters better and some fun squad banter.

Apparently, I had not been reading this series correctly if I assumed there was any fun to be had.

           The entire first week of summer practices was eaten up by in-fighting as the court hierarchy fell into place again.

The Foxes do not fuck around, you guys.

Let’s sum this up: Momma Dan keeps them all in check, Kevin is next in line because of his expertise but like everyone hates him, Matt is the underappreciated real MVP, next is my baby Renee who is still calm and gentle (and I’m not buying one bit of it), and then the rest is left to bash each other’s heads in at the bottom of the pecking order.

           It seemed Allison and Seth didn’t believe much in middle ground: either they were slinging vile insults at each other or they were making out in the locker room regardless of whoever might be around.

Oh Allison, I was just debating on whether to like your or not, but you sort of took that decision from me with your choice in sexy-time partners.

I’m sorry. I still deeply, deeply dislike Seth.

Here’s to hoping he comes around at some point.

           Even Andrew seemed quite taken with [Renee]. Neil saw them talking off to the side several times throughout the week. It was obvious no one else approved of their odd friendship, but neither goalkeeper paid any mind to the unhappy looks sent their way.

This is amazing. I cannot get over how amazing this Brotp is. Goalie BFFs for LIFE <3

Also, how is Renee so wonderful, how is she even REAL.

(She’s not. They’re all fictional. I have to constantly remind myself of that.)

I’m also beginning to realize how far we’ve already come in this book. We’re halfway, you guys, and they’ve only now got the whole team together and are starting summer practices. We may not even meet Riko and the gang in this book, let alone play any league Exy games.

Halfway, what the hell. It feels like it just fucking started.

Speaking about getting started! Remember that fun party trip with Kandreil, Exy Courfeyrac and Small, Blonde And Shady that was promised to us last chapter? Well, it’s time to suit up, guys, ‘cause we’re going to Columbia.

           “This is for you,” Nicky said. “Andrew said you don’t have anything appropriate for where we’re going. He told me what size to get you, and I picked it out. Trust me, it’s awesome.”

Not to be gay but……… How does Andrew know Neil’s size………..

Can’t be an educated guess, Nicky could have done that himself, so the only logical conclusion I get from this is that Andrew paid special attention to Neil’s clothing size when going through his duffel in case he’d need to get him an outfit for something at some point.

I can’t decide if that’s more creepy or cute.

Today’s Casually Mentioned, Yet Heart-Breakingly Sad Neil Fact is this:

           Nicky hooked the twine handle over Neil’s fingers. Neil watched him do it, trying to remember the last time someone gave him a gift and coming up blank. That his first one should be from Andrew was unsettling.

No shit dude, I’d be unsettled by that as well. Gifts from Andrew could, in all likelihood, include everything from bloody knives to living snakes to tips on how to get the freshest ‘I just murdered a dude’ look, none of which sound particularly appealing to me.

           “Ditch them tonight. Your contacts, I mean. (…) It’s not like they’re a secret. Anyone who’s looking can see the ring in your eyes that means you’re wearing lenses. I saw ‘em day one.”

I fucking called it. You can seriously always tell when someone is wearing contacts, especially if they’re coloured. I just spent an entire weekend at a cosplay convention, trust me, you can tell.

           “And seriously, brown? How boring can you be?”

           “I like brown.”

           “Andrew doesn’t,” Nicky said. “Take them out.”

And since when does Andrew’s opinion on Neil’s appearance matter? Homeboy seems to have a pretty defined taste in boyfriends. The ‘creepy or cute’ question begins to lean more towards creepy.

           Every piece of [the outfit] was black. The cargoes were light and cut to accommodate a pair of heavy boots. The shirt was long-sleeved, tight and fashioned to look like it’d been torn through in places. A charcoal inner layer peeked out through the gashes.

So what we’re saying is that Nicky shops at the Tumblr Department of the Soft Edgy Grunge Moodboard Store?

(10/10 would wear in real life. GIMME.)

Right on cue, the monsters show up again, and we’re kicking off this night of disturbing debauchery with yet another ‘creepy or cute’ incident:

           Neil couldn’t leave with Andrew in the way, so he stopped as close to Andrew as he dared and waited for Andrew to move. Andrew did, but only to reach out for Neil with one hand. Neil tensed as Andrew’s finger wrapped around the back of his neck, but Andrew only wanted to pull Neil’s head down. Neil focused on Andrew’s cheekbone so as not to go cross-eyed and let Andrew study his eyes.

A classic. Blocking your boyfriend’s way, getting into his personal space, pulling his head as close to yours as possibly to check out his eyes, who gave Andrew a handbook on how to aggressively flirt with people and how can we take it from him.

           Nicky perked up as the two stepped into the living room, but his happy expression faltered when he got a look at Neil. “Oh man. Neil, you clean up good. Can I say that, or is that against the rules? Just – damn. Aaron, don’t let me get too drunk tonight.”

           Andrew (…) put his lighter in Nicky’s face.

           “Don’t make me kill you,” Andrew said.

           Nicky held up his hands in self-defense. “I know.”

           “Do you?”

           “Promise,” Nicky said weakly.

This just in: Neil is a Banger™ and Andrew is Possessive™.

I’m still undecided on the ‘creepy or cute’ matter, although I have to admit I find this scene wonderfully funny. Because honestly, everyone having the hots for Neil and talking about how attractive he is while Neil just doesn’t care is probably one of my favourite things about this.

They drive out to Columbia and at this point I got really excited. Fun party times! Banter! Nicky fucking killing it on the floor! It’s gonna be great!!

Oh boy.

Was I an idiot.

The first stop on this night of debauchery is a nice little restaurant where they stop for some ice cream. Oh, sorry, did I say ice cream? I meant fucking drugs.

This is not off to a good start.

Next up: Fun club time!

           There was a line of people waiting to get in, and the clothes they wore made Neil’s outfit look plain. Most of the men wore leather, half the women had corsets, and a good number of both genders were covered in buckles and chains.

Fun club time at a fucking bondage house, apparently. Aaron seems to be besties with the bouncers. No biggie.

As soon as they’re in, Andrew drags Neil off to the bar, and this is the point where the ‘creepy or cute’-o-meter officially swings towards very, very creepy.

           [The bartender] flashed Andrew an easy smile. “Back so soon, Andrew? Who’s your newest victim?”

           “A nobody,” Andrew said. “It’s the usual for us.”

I am decidedly not liking the use of the word ‘victim’ in any context involving Andrew and alcohol.

                       “Cracker dust,” Nicky said as he ripped his packet open. “Heard of it? Tastes like sugar and salt and gives you a small rush. Sure you don’t want in?

           (…)

Dust isn’t bad. It just makes the night more interesting. You think Kevin would ruin his future over a night out at the club?”

           “What future?” Neil asked.

Get #rekt.

Remember when I said I’m not liking the word ‘victim’ here? GUESS FUCKING WHAT.

           As soon as it hit the back of his throat, Neil knew he’d made a serious mistake.

           His sodas had tasted sweet, but this shot as almost unbearably so, and the aftertaste on Neil’s tongue wasn’t sugar. Neil lurched to his feet, but Andrew grabbed him by the hair and slammed him back into his seat. (…)

           “Just noticed, did you?” Andrew asked. “You’re an idiot.”

WHAT THE FUCK. Are you guys DRUGGING HIM. This whole thing just flew way past ‘creepy’ and landed firmly in ‘disturbing and abusive’.

           “Did you think you were safe because you were up there ordering you own drinks? Roland knows what it means when I bring outsiders here.”

I FUCKING KNEW IT. WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL. What, is this what they do for fun at the weekends? Drive newcomers up to Columbia, drug them against their will, and then what, date rape?

           Bodies and lights blurred around him, making Neil nauseous. He clawed bloody lines down Nicky’s arm as he fought to get free. Nicky didn’t let go until they’d reached the middle of the dance floor. He pulled Neil up against him and caught Neil’s chin in his fingers to force his head back.

           Nicky’s kiss was harder than Neil expected it to be, and there was more than just tongue in it. Beneath the burn of vodka Nicky shared with him was the sweet tang of cracker dust.

Oh god. Wish I’d shut my mouth.

NICKY, I TRUSTED YOU. You’re disowned from being Exy Courfeyrac, Courf would never.

Seriously, what the actual fuck. I have nothing else to say but WHAT THE HELL YOU GUYS NO.

           “The team is split, you know. Most of them think you’re trailer trash like Dan. Renee knows better. So do I. I think you’re something a little more like us.” Andrew leaned forward and enunciated every syllable. “Runaway.”

I can’t even perk up at the mention of Renee’s name or hints at her possible backstory because this is so beyond fucked up. I’m in shock.

           “Mind your own business.”

           “Tonight is Mind Neil’s Business Night,” Andrew said. “Didn’t you notice? Give me something real or I won’t let you stay here.

           (…)

           Edgar Allan is in our district and you are on my team. You, a know-nothing from Arizona who somehow managed to catch Kevin’s eye. You, a lie from head to foot, with a bag full of money and a hard-on for everything Kevin and Riko. Do you understand?”

You bring Neil out to Columbia, drug him, practically rape him, just to find out if he’s a fucking MOLE? Are you KIDDING ME??

I’m slowly beginning to realize why Kevin puts this much trust in Andrew’s abilities if this is what the fucker is willing to do to keep him safe.

I’d love to interpret this in some funny shipping way, except I really, really can’t find this anything other than disturbing, fucked up and so, so not okay.

Also, NICKY WHAT THE FUCK. I knew Kevin and the twins were varying degrees of shitty, but I had some trust left in you. You know it’s a fucked-up story when even the comic relief is an asshole.

Come find me at the bottom of the trashcan, angrily crying over recent developments.

[ariahearthockey]

Love Me, If You Will - Chapter 4

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

_/_/_/_/

Fandom: Men’s Hockey RPF

Pairing: Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin

Tags: 2017 NHL Playoffs, Concussion, Memory Loss, Medical Inaccuracies, Unexplained Medical Conditions, Alternate Reality, Time Travel (sort of), Pining, Fluff, Porn With Feelings, Happy Ending (sort of)

Soundtrack: Dancing On My Own - Calum Scott

_/_/_/_/

Chapter 4

Out of public's knowledge, Sidney has another set of routine being done at home on every game day. It is the routine before the widely known routine that is done at the rink. It consist of an hour nap right after lunch, a shower, followed by a thirty minute meditation and excessive tape watching until he can point out all of the opponent's strengths and weaknesses. But that is just him. He isn't sure if Geno has one and he respects the privacy of one's quirks enough to not ask Geno about it. So basically he doesn't know what Geno does when he leaves the rink after practice.

Of all things Sidney would have guessed, he definitely didn’t see Geno eating himself into a piroshki coma on a game day. After they left the rink, Geno made a stop at one of his favourite Russian restaurant and got himself something of two dozens of them in various fillings.

"Wow, G. That's a lot of—" Sidney has to say something as Geno stuffs the last piece into his mouth.

"Mmm.. Sid have pasta, I'm have piroshki." Geno huffs in between munch, and huffs and Sidney wonders if their nutritionist knew about this.

"Oh no, I'm not judging. I'm just a little concern. Like, are you okay? Do you need someone to rub your belly?"

"Sid need practice. Chirps still terrible."

Sidney stands to get the dirty dishes to the sink, all the while chuckling at Geno.

"So, this is your routine, eh? Or do you have more?

"Not as many as you, for sure. But some we do together."

"Really? So what? After you demolished those piroshki, we burn it out with hot kinky sex marathon?"

He doesn't know why he said that, or does he know anything else because that was one of the very few times when his mouth runs faster than his brain, and he blames it on the concussion. He could easily play it out as some casual chirp that means nothing if he doesn't feel his own cheeks burn. He is sure his blush tells the same level of embarrassment he feels internally when Geno stares at him like he has just spoken the forbidden word. Then it dawns on him.

"Oh. Um, I mean, yeah. We're married and married couple have sex all the time but that doesn't mean we do that as part of our routine, right? I mean, I was just trying to be funny, you know? Because you devoured all those calories and what better way to sweat it all out than some vigorous round of—"

He stops and winces at his choice of word and finds himself get all the more flustered when Geno gives him a sly grin, clearly enjoying seeing Sidney digging himself a hole. "Not that it immediately meant sex. I mean, of course not. There are other forms of workout that two people can do together that doesn't involve taking their clothes off or—"

"We do that many times, Sid."

"Wh—what?"

"Have sex with clothes on. And we have sex before marry too. Many times."

He should not be so flabbergasted at the mention of sex at his age. "Oh wow, okay." Absolutely not. "Um, that's—

"One time we late for practice, I'm give handjob until Sid come in boxers."

"Oh, God."

"Then sometime Sid tease a lot, I'm fuck Sid with pants down over couch."

A wave of arousal crashes over him and he finds himself getting hard in his pants. He should feel ashamed by the sort of response his body has from Geno's implications.

"Okay. So we um—we need to—"

"Sid."

He looks up promptly when he hears his name and is instantly caught in the depths of Geno's brown orbs. How did he get so close so fast?

"Sid think too much, brain not rest." Geno taps a finger to Sidney's temple before he slides his hand down to cup Sidney's flushed face. He leans into Geno's touch when Geno rubs soothing circles onto his heated cheeks. "I'm not force Sid. If Sid not remember, how I'm do?"

Sidney gulps visibly. "But—but if it's the routine—"

"No, Sid. We not fuck before game. You say too much distract from game." Geno moves his free hand down to his neck while murmuring those words in his ear. Sidney gasps softly as the burst of warm breath sends a tingling sensation down his spine.

With his renewed bravery fuelled by his waking arousal, he asks, "Then, what about after?"

Geno grunts and pushes Sidney back until the edge of the kitchen counter is digging into his ass. "I'm try be gentleman but Sid always make hard for me."

"Geno—"

He is cut off when Geno charges forward and kisses him with fervent, with an intensity that he has never known before. It is bruisingly delicious—all the licking and battling of tongues is making Sidney breathless and dizzy with want. And when Geno pulls on his bottom lip in between his teeth and sucks on the plump flesh, Sidney is hit with a strong current of desire that makes his hips buck forward on its own accord. Sidney lets out a broken, whiny noise when his own erection comes in contact with the obvious hard bulge, and it blows Sidney's mind to know that Geno is just as affected by the kiss as he is.

"Geno, do you want—"

Geno breaks their kiss and rears back, leaving a heady Sidney chasing after it. He opens his eyes and sees an equally flustered Geno, gasping for breath.

"Sid, we need to stop." Geno says desperately. His eyes—completely darkened with lust—drop down to Sidney's mouth and his finger comes up to trace the seam of the swollen lip.

"Yeah, we need—we need to stop." Sidney echoes Geno's words in a stutter whilst trying to catch Geno's mouth into another round of head-spinning kiss.

"Mmm, no, Sid. We uh—we can't." Geno grits out and pushes Sidney away with much reluctance. Sidney is confused by the mixed messages and seeing the pained look on Geno's face makes him jump back a little. In a minute window of clarity, he is crushed by the weight of his own stupidity. He chides himself for getting too caught up in his own feeling to see that Geno is trying to let him down easy.

"Oh. Okay. You're right. I'm—I'm sorry. This is probably a bad idea and I'd totally understand if you don't—"

"No, no. Sid. I'm not mean that. I'm want you, but we have game.." Geno let that trail off to its obvious conclusion. As clueless as he is sometimes, the indication is dawning clear and it makes him feel good again.

"Oh. The routine. Right. Superstitions." Sidney bites down on his lips in the hopes of salvaging himself from sounding more like an inarticulate fool. For some reason, that makes Geno dips back down and kisses him with a deep, throaty groan, and once again steals all his breath away.

"Sid drive me crazy. Bite lip and look so beautiful."

Sidney's breath hitches in his throat and his eyes flutter close. "God, you need to stop saying things like that if you don't want to break routine, G."

Geno leans back for the sake of giving both of them some breathing room, and takes long, deep breaths to calm himself. "I'm go out for run now, then shower, then nap. We watch tape after, yes?"

"Yeah," Sidney says, nodding at the same time. "We can do that."

And it is routine and more routine from then on. It becomes a comfortable setting for both of them, each minding their own quirks studiously. As promised, they go to the entertainment room later in the afternoon and binge on their previous games with the Caps, and discuss game plays and strategies like the professionals they are. They flinch when the tape plays the hit on Sidney on repeat, capturing every detail from every angle and the slow motion makes it look ten times worse than it is.

"The guys, they all angry about hit. Want revenge."

There is a moment of silence before Sidney speaks. "Hey, I know you guys are angry about that but focus on what's important, okay? Please don't go around starting stupid shit because you know we're not gonna win the game from the box."

"I'm try but I'm no promise. Hard to control Horny."

Sidney laughs and secretly agrees with Geno. There is no stopping Horny from anything when he is all fired up because he has been proven to runs solely on intensity stemming from his loyalty to his team.

"Just win this one for me, eh?"

"I'm make sure. Score and make Holtby look bad goalie."

"Well, I'd like to see that for a change because in my head, it was a pretty frustrated game. I don't remember like the exact sequence of it, but we were like, outshot the entire time. We're lucky that Shultzy scored a late one in the third, I think it's a power play or something or else we're heading into overtime for sure."

Geno snickers at the mention of overtime because it is no fun and the pressure is too high.

"Oh wait, I think you get an assist from that goal, so there's something."

Geno scoffs at the subtle chirp, "Your head broken. I'm show you hat trick tonight."

Sidney wants nothing more than to kiss the stupid smug look away from Geno's face but he isn't sure if he is capable of stopping once he get started. So, he settles on something else instead.

"Yeah, put your money where your mouth is, G."

"Huh?"

"Nevermind."

Geno uncaps the new bottle of Gatorade and down half of it in several gulps, and then they are back to tape watching and serious hockey talk until it is time to get to the rink for one interesting game with the Caps, sans a concussed Sidney Crosby.

_/_/_/_/

[ubwfc]

Bristol 2s vs. Aberystwyth 1s

It’s the last game of the term, and Bristol 2s are ADAMANT they are going to get their first league win of the season after suffering a few frustrating losses… and (spoiler alert) boy did they deliver!!

Festive spirits were running high upon arrival as Baethan decorated the changing rooms with motivational quotes and welcomed the girls with some pre-match shnaaaks. Fuelled by Haribo’s and bananas and spurred on by fans who had travelled miles in the freezing cold to watch, Bristol started with a spring in their step. Anj and Ruby set the pace as they tirelessly ran up and down the wings, tricking ABBAs defence and creating chances left, right and centre. Niamh, Emily and Rosie followed suit as they effortlessly dribbled past the opposition and treated the game as a Thursday evening shooting drill. It wasn’t long until the score-line went in Bristol’s favour as Rosie dribbled the ball down the wing and passed it onto Ruby in the box who finished it wonderfully, sending the ball straight to the right-hand corner of the net. 1-0 Bristol!

There was no sign of complacency following the first goal as long shots continued to fly in from Bristol’s midfield. ABBAs keeper was sent diving in all directions as Jess and Ellie put all their power behind the ball. Despite being whacked in the face early on, Emily didn’t let this affect her game as she continuously chased down every attack, creating many close chances that were just tipped over or wide by the keeper.

Had you forgotten about Bristol’s defenders? Well, they were pretty cold by this point. RB Meryem was doing star jumps to keep herself warm while CB Nancy was jumping on the spot, and well… you can image how Goalie Gemma was feeling. In an attempt to stay on her toes, Maj made sure to push forward to support the midfield and get involved in the attacks. On one occasion she made a solid tackle on the half-way line, and sent a wonderful cross into the box which found Jess’s head and was directed straight to the back of the net. 2-0 Bristol!!

Immediately after the second goal Ellie showed off her skills as she glided past the oppositions midfield and took a shot on the edge of the penalty box which was unfortunately hit wide by the keeper. Niamh then took the corner, which once again managed to connect with Jess’s (now very large) head and Bristol went 3-0 up.

The attacks nevertheless continued as all the forwards turned their focus on climbing that golden boot chart… Niamh managed to get the next two as she confidently took the ball around the players in the penalty box and slotted them past the keeper. 5-0 Bristol. Then, feeling more comfortable in her new CM position, Maj took a shot from the middle third of the pitch which somehow escaped the keepers fingers and brought Bristol to 6-0 up.

Feeling happy with score-line so far, Bristol were injected with a boost of confidence and they experimented with new styles of play. Nancy and Meryem even found themselves dribbling past the midfield when they saw the chance, which sent India wild on the side-lines - and I quote - “GET BACK YOU’RE A DEFENDER!!” Jess managed to steal another goal in the last few minutes, getting her first hattrick of the season and putting Bristol 7-0 up before half-time.

The half-time statistics provided by Phil reflected Bristol’s outstanding play in the first half of the game, as the number of shots on target totalled almost 30 for Bristol compared to only 2 from ABBA (sorry Gemma). Nevertheless, the girls went back out on the pitch hoping to keep the level of play high, to maintain a clean sheet, and to hopefully get a few more goals under their belt. To start off the second half, Rosie came off for Valli and Maj switched with Kat.

ABBA came out looking a bit stronger, giving Kat, Nancy and Meryem a few more balls to clear and giving Gemma a few more shots to save. But this didn’t fear Bristol as the ball was always send straight back down to the attacking third. Nancy once again showed fantastic play as she put in numerous solid tackles, to then send the ball down the line to Anj or confidently run forward with it to pass it onto midfield. 10 minutes into the second half Bristol showed they had not yet given up, as Niamh once again passed the ball to the back of the net. 8-0 to Bristol and a hattrick for Niamh!

Maj came back on for Ellie Vaughan, and worked well with Valli and Jess to keep pressing and sending crosses into the box. Following many near chances and persistent hard work throughout the game, Emily finally got the goal she deserved from a blinding shot inside the box! 9-0 Bristol.

The hard work up-front persisted as Anj came close to getting her name on the scoreboard a couple of times and Ruby continued to put her all into every attack. Multiple shots came from Niamh, and she managed to bag herself two more goals before the full time whistle, landing herself joint-top of the golden boot chart with Bend-it-like-Jessminda.FT score 11-0 Bristol!!

The girls were rewarded with free ciders after the game in true Bristolian style, courtesy of the three musketeers. They were well deserved as that fantastic play has shown what the team are capable of, hopefully setting them up for a winning streak in the new year to finish middle of the table and continue their cup run. What a way to end the term!

Player of the Match: Jess Mortimer

Squad:

Gemma Moore Meryem Ismail Nancy Gilmartin Marzenka Opalinska-New Rosie McGahan Jessica Mortimer Ellie Vaughan Anjalee Syangbo Ruby Warden Emily Reece Niamh Carty Katharine Biggs Valli McAdam

[junker-town]

A definitive ranking of every ‘Backyard Sports’ power-up

I miss these games.

The Backyard Sports series is an iconic batch of sports games that blessed my childhood with a fun spin on sports that I grew up watching and learning.

Today, I’m here to talk about the power-ups! The extra element that reflects on just how fun and goofy the games were. I went back to all the games I could find to analyze and rank each power-up because, hey, why not?

DISCLAIMERS: I’m sorry that Backyard Hockey power-ups couldn’t make the list. I couldn’t find it. If there is a power-up I’m forgetting, or if I get my hands on Backyard Hockey, I will update the list accordingly.

I’m not adding Backyard Skateboarding, either. I refuse.

35: Super Punt

Game: Backyard Football

Description: It’s like a punt ... but super. Yeah, this one is stupid.

Originality: 1

Cool Factor: 0

Effectiveness: 2

Total: 3

Why it's ranked where it is: This is easily the weakest and wackest of all of the power-ups. First of all, this is a power-up for a punt? WHO THE HELL PUNTS IN BACKYARD FOOTBALL?! It's not even an effective move if you already have a good kicker. Also, the quarters are only one minute, so what even is the point? I would have substituted super punt for something that involves super kicking so that it could have been used for field goals.

34: Spitball

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: A ball that makes a weird spitting noise before reaching the plate. Doesn't really affect the batter.

Originality: 4

Cool Factor: 4

Effectiveness: 4

Total: 12

Why it's ranked where it is: This power-up was probably cooler when it was used in real life by early baseball players, when early baseball gloves looked like the Hamburger Helper mascot and all of these unbreakable records were created because the game was trash. You can’t convince me 1920s baseball was exciting. It was the 1920s ... your grandparents are exaggerating.

33: Slo-mo

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: A ball that gets really really slow as it approaches the plate.

Originality: 6

Cool Factor: 4

Effectiveness: 4

Total: 14

Why it's ranked where it is: The power-up gives itself away by making a sound. This makes this a much easier power-up to deal with. Also, the ball goes even slower, which gives the hitter more time to time the swing and crush the ball.

32: Zig-Zag

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: It literally zig-zags back and forth.

Originality: 6

Cool Factor: 4

Effectiveness: 5

Total: 15

Why it's ranked where it is: This pitch is easy to time but hard to locate where the ball is going. The effectiveness of this pitch really depends on if you’re using the swing spot/pitch locator or not.

31: Fire Ball

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: An absolute heater that catches you off guard.

Originality: 4

Cool Factor: 4

Effectiveness: 8

Total: 16

Why it's ranked where it is: It’s extremely effective. The only thing that alerts you is the firecracker-style sounds and by then it may be too late. You have little time to react to the ball. With that being said, it’s not as crazy or as out there as some of the other power-ups we see on the list. This one also doesn’t seem to show up as much as other power-ups.

30: Flyswatter

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: This power-up allows you to swat the hell out of any shot or swat the ball from an opponent. It's like having the hall of fame pickpocket and rim protector badges on NBA 2K.

Originality: 4

Cool Factor:4.25

Effectiveness: 8

Total: 16.25

Why it's ranked where it is: You’re going to see a recurring theme with most of the Backyard Basketball power-ups. Try to guess what it is.

29: Frostbite

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: Makes it way harder for the opponent to make a shot.

Originality: 4

Cool Factor: 4

Effectiveness: 8.5

Total: 16.5

Why it's ranked where it is: Have you guessed the theme yet?

This power-up is effective, but you can still make shots, so that part is a little bit underwhelming.

28: Butter Fingers

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: The other team has trouble holding on to the ball.

Originality: 4

Cool Factor: 4

Effectiveness: 9

Total: 17

Why it's ranked where it is: How about now?

27: Slo Mo

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: You suck at this game if you can't score during this power-up.

Originality: 3

Cool Factor: 4.25

Effectiveness: 10

Total: 17.25

Why it's ranked where it is: You recognizing the theme now?

This power-up, while effective, can easily be countered. Especially if you have a long-range shooter like my boy Dmitri Petrovich.

26: Crazy Bunt

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: A bunt that can’t be fielded until it hits a surface.

Originality: 7.5

Cool Factor: 4

Effectiveness: 6

Total: 17.5

Why it's ranked where it is: This bunt was damn near impossible to field. The ball skirts and darts around until it hits a wall or something. This power-up was best used in conjunction with someone with speed.

25: More Juice/110 percent juice

Game: Backyard Baseball/Basketball

Description: Replenishes the energy/stamina of either one member of the team or the entire team.

Originality: 4

Cool Factor: 3.75

Effectiveness: 10

Total 17.75

Why it's ranked where it is: The essential refreshment for Backyard Sports kids everywhere. This power-up was never flashy, but it was essential when a player or team was in need of a stamina boost. All of the pitching power-ups on this list use a heavy amount of juice/stamina, so this is a good counter to the energy trade-off.

TIE-23: Super Speed

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: Do I need to explain this one? Your team runs faster.

Originality: 3

Cool Factor: 7

Effectiveness: 8

Total: 18

Why it's ranked where it is: In closing, most of these Backyard Basketball power-ups are very effective, but not creative. I’m not saying that I could think of better ones, but this list is full of creativity and originality and most of the basketball ones fall short on that scale.

TIE-23: Cannon

Game: Backyard Soccer

Description: The ball launches off the person's foot, making this a hard shot to stop for the goalie.

Originality: 4

Cool Factor: 8

Effectiveness: 6

Total: 18

Why it's ranked where it is: The Backyard Soccer power-ups are dope. With that being said, the effectiveness of this power-up depends on who shoots it. There is a huge difference between the inaccurate foot of Pete Wheeler and Lisa Crocket.

Cannon is excellent for free kicks and long distance shots; however, the goalkeeper still has a chance of saving the ball if you don’t aim well enough.

22: Cough Drop

Game: Backyard Football

Description: This power-up causes an automatic fumble on the first hit.

Originality: 6

Cool Factor: 6

Effectiveness: 6.25

Total: 18.25

Why it's ranked where it is: The moment you hit an opponent who has the ball, they lose it. This is a double-edged sword because this doesn’t guarantee a turnover. Also if you don’t tackle them at all, you lose the power-up and give up a touchdown ... soooooooo.

21: Crazy Ball

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: It's a pitch that starts laughing and stuff as it heads over to the plate. It's not usually a threat. It just throws off your timing a little bit, you'll be fine.

Originality: 8

Cool Factor: 4.5

Effectiveness: 6

Total: 18.5

Why it's ranked where it is: This power-up depended on how loud the game was on your headphones. If you’re playing the game on mute, you might not even notice.

20: Elevator

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: This pitch stays low to the ground before it crosses the plate.

Originality: 6.5

Cool Factor: 6.5

Effectiveness: 5.75

Total: 18.75

Why it's ranked where it is: Easy to time, but hard to figure out where the ball will end up.

19: Undergrounder

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: Similar to the undergrounder in soccer, the ball goes below ground and pops up somewhere else on the field

Originality: 6

Cool Factor: 6

Effectiveness: 7

Total: 19

Why it's ranked where it is: It's a common power-up and when you had players with speed using this, (Pete Wheeler, Ichiro) this was an automatic home run. The Backyard Baseball fields had different dimensions, so an undergrounder would be far more effective on a place with sand or an open left field.

18: Magnet

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: You have an increased chance of intercepting your opponent's pass.

Originality: 5

Cool Factor: 6.25

Effectiveness: 8

Total: 19.25

Why it's ranked where it is: Effective and simple. Magnet isn’t going to turn heads.

17: Corkscrew

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: It's like a sideways tornado that makes its way to the plate. It attempts to make you dizzy in the process.

Originality: 8

Cool Factor: 5.5

Effectiveness: 6

Total: 19.5

Why it's ranked where it is: Much harder to track than zig-zag. Especially when the swing spot is big. It’s a tough pitch to hit, as you can see by me struggling to hit it in the GIF.

... IT LOOKED LIKE A STRIKE, OK?!

16: Screaming Line Drive

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: This is a line drive that screams, depending on who hits the ball. It's an automatic hit, but it can be a little bit underwhelming depending on how powerful the hitter is.

Originality: 4

Cool Factor: 6

Effectiveness: 10

Total: 20

Why it's ranked where it is: While it looks cool, compared to some of the other power-ups in the game, it’s pretty underwhelming. It’s a line drive that yells and goes a little bit faster.

15: SONIC BOOM

Game: Backyard Football

Description: The opposing team falls to the floor. Depending on how fast the running back is, you can either go for a big gain or go to the house!

Originality: 7

Cool Factor: 6.25

Effectiveness: 7

Total: 20.25

Why it's ranked where it is: While sonic boom was very efficient, this was not an automatic touchdown. There are some more effective power-ups on this list, but this one is pretty solid.

14: Chameleon

Game: Backyard Football

Description: When on defense, this power-up allows you to assume the uniform colors for the other team.

Originality: 6.5

Cool Factor: 8

Effectiveness: 6

Total: 20.5

Why it's ranked where it is: This power-up is hard to work around if it's used against you and if you use a mouse. If you use the keyboard, it'll go over easier. This is a fun, chaotic power-up that will fool you if the computer gets its hands on it.

13: Hot hand

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: Similar to fire mode in NBA Jam, but it applies to the whole team instead of just one person. This makes you be able to hit from damn near anywhere on the court.

Originality:4

Cool Factor: 8

Effectiveness: 10

Total: 22

Why it's ranked where it is: It’s similar to on modes in other games. That is why there is a low originality score. Still cool tho.

12: Big Freeze

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: A pitch that freezes when it's just about to cross the plate.

Originality: 8

Cool Factor: 6

Effectiveness: 9

Total: 23

Why it's ranked where it is: The thing about this pitching power-up that distinguishes itself from the other ones is that there is no giveaway. At the last possible second, this power-up freezes and throws off your timing. This makes it extremely effective.

11: Jackpot shot

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: The number of points that you score depends on what the jackpot decides.

Originality: 7.5

Cool Factor: 8

Effectiveness: 8

Total: 23.5

Why it's ranked where it is: This is a game breaker of sorts. You can score a nine-point layup?! That can change the dynamic of the game no matter what the score is. This is a low-risk, high reward power-up that can’t really be stopped.

10: Spring Loaded

Game: Backyard Football

Description: This power-up instantly launches one of your defenders high in the air and into the backfield. Not always an automatic tackle/sack, but it is effective.

Originality: 8

Cool Factor: 10

Effectiveness: 6.5

Total: 24.5

Why it's ranked where it is: This power-up launches you into the backfield. But depending on the other team’s play call, this could come back to bite you. If there is a run play or a quick pass play, you could easily find yourself out of position. This is a perfect play to use to try to block a punt or field goal. When using this power-up, timing is key.

9: Cherry Picker

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: When you acquire this power-up, one of your teammates will teleport to under the opponent's basket, making it easy to pass the ball to them.

Originality: 7

Cool Factor: 10

Effectiveness: 8

Total: 25

Why it's ranked where it is: This is one of my personal favorites because I’m obsessed with teleportation. Don’t @ me.

8: Under Grounder

Game: Backyard Soccer

Description: A ground ball that disappears into the field and pops up at a random spot in the field.

Originality: 7

Cool Factor: 9

Effectiveness: 10

Total: 26

Why it's ranked where it is: Similar to the Backyard Baseball undergrounder, the thing that separates it from the other one is the fact that this one is an automatic goal and the baseball one can just range from a single to a home run depending on who is using it. This is why it’s ranked high in effectiveness.

7: Bowling Ball

Game: Backyard Soccer

Description: The ball starts to knock over opposing team members like bowling pins.

Originality: 8

Cool Factor: 8.25

Effectiveness: 10

Total 26.25

Why it's ranked where it is: This sounds incredibly effective ... and painful.

6: Hocus-Pocus

Game: Backyard Football

Description: This play is awesome because your receiver vanishes past the defense for what could be an easy touchdown depending on the defense.

Originality: 9

Cool Factor: 9.5

Effectiveness: 8

Total: 26.5

Why it's ranked where it is: This was a difficult power-up to stop. Even if you were in a position to stop it ...

You still might be powerless to defend against it.

5: Tracer

Game: Backyard Soccer

Description: With your mouse, you can control exactly where the ball will go. Like a friendly heat-seeking missile.

Originality: 8.75

Cool Factor: 10

Effectiveness: 8

Total: 26.75

Why it's ranked where it is: “Friendly heat-seeking missile.” NEED I SAY MORE?

4: Leap Frog

Game: Backyard Football

Description: The running back jumps over the defense. This play is an automatic first down, and depending on the defensive scheme, a touchdown.

Originality: 9

Cool Factor: 8

Effectiveness: 10

Total: 27

Why it's ranked where it is: Sure you can stop it, but it’s damn near impossible to without giving up a significant chunk of yards.

Imagine your favorite NFL player needs to gain one yard and you have a power-up that allows your running back to long jump 10 yards in the air for that specific time. It’s OP when you need it most.

3: Ice cream truck

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: One of the funnier power-ups on the list. The other team just stops what they're doing and thinks about ice cream until you steal the ball from them. The other team never gets their ice cream. Tragic.

Originality: 9

Cool Factor: 8.25

Effectiveness: 10

Total: 27.25

Why it's ranked where it is: This is funny and original and I love everything about it. It’s like being stuck in an illusion you can’t get out of. You’re powerless to stop it. It’s effective, random and low-key funny when you think about it.

2: Dunk

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: You can dunk from anywhere on the court, which doesn't sound that cool until you remember that dunking in this game is incredibly rare. You can only dunk in this game when no one is in the paint.

Originality: 7.5

Cool Factor: 10

Effectiveness: 10

Total: 27.5

Why it's ranked where it is: You can dunk from anywhere on the court. ANYWHERE.

1: Aluminum Power

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: An OP bat that sends the ball at least 500 feet. An automatic home run. To top it off you have a dope sound effect that is accompanied by Sunny Day's Captain Obvious style play-by-play.

Originality: 8

Cool Factor: 10

Effectiveness: 10

Total: 28

Why it's ranked where it is: You could have the worst batter in the game use this power-up (Vicki Kawaguchi) and still hit a Barry Bonds-style home run. It was between this and dunk for the top spot; the thing that made the difference for me is the fact that these full-court dunks were still only three points while an aluminum power bat could result in up to four runs.

The earlier parts of the series are all classics that stood the test of time so well that you could yell, “Who remembers Pablo Sanchez?” in a crowd full of people and make 4-8 new friends depending on your personality type.

FUN FACT: Pablo Sanchez speaks English

SURPRISE!

These games were filled with simple but addictive gameplay and characters you grew attached to. From Pete Wheeler to Sally Dobbs, these characters were each unique and special to our hearts.

I miss them.

[junker-town]

A definitive ranking of every Backyard Sports power-up

I miss these games

The Backyard Sports series is an iconic batch of sports games that blessed my childhood with a fun spin on sports that I grew up watching and learning.

Today, I’m here to talk about the power-ups! The extra element that reflects on just how fun and goofy the games were. I went back to all the games I could find to analyze and rank each power-up because hey, why not?

DISCLAIMERS: I’m sorry that Backyard Hockey power-ups couldn’t make the list. I couldn’t find it. If there is a power-up I’m forgetting or if I get my hands on Backyard Hockey I will update the list accordingly.

I’m not adding Backyard Skateboarding either. I refuse.

35: Super Punt

Game: Backyard Football

Description: It’s like a punt ... but super. Yeah, this one is stupid.

Originality: 1

Cool Factor: 0

Effectiveness: 2

Total: 3

Why it's ranked where it is: This is easily the weakest and wackest of all of the power-ups. First of all, this is a power-up for a punt? WHO THE HELL PUNTS IN BACKYARD FOOTBALL?! It's not even an effective move if you already have a good kicker. Also, the quarters are only 1 minute, so what even is the point? I would have substituted super punt for something that involves super kicking so that it could have been used for field goals.

34: Spitball

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: A ball that makes a weird ass spitting noise before reaching the plate. Doesn't really affect the batter.

Originality: 4

Cool Factor: 4

Effectiveness: 4

Total: 12

Why it's ranked where it is: This power-up was probably cooler when it was used in real life by early baseball players, when early baseball gloves looked like the Hamburger Helper mascot and all of these unbreakable records were created because the game was trash. You can’t convince me 1920s baseball was exciting. It was the 1920s ... your grandparents are exaggerating.

33: Slo-mo

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: A ball that gets really really slow as it approaches the plate.

Originality: 6

Cool Factor: 4

Effectiveness: 4

Total: 14

Why it's ranked where it is: The power-up gives itself away by making a sound. This makes this a much easier power-up to deal with. Also, the ball goes even slower, which gives the hitter more time to time the swing and crush the ball.

32: Zig-Zag

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: It literally zig-zags back and forth.

Originality: 6

Cool Factor: 4

Effectiveness: 5

Total: 15

Why it's ranked where it is: This pitch is easy to time but hard to locate where the ball is going. The effectiveness of this pitch really depends on if you’re using the swing spot/pitch locator or not.

31: Fire Ball

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: An absolute heater that catches you off guard.

Originality: 4

Cool Factor: 4

Effectiveness: 8

Total: 16

Why it's ranked where it is: It’s extremely effective. The only thing that alerts you is the firecracker-style sounds and by then, it may be too late. You have little time to react to the ball. With that being said, it’s not as crazy or as out there as some of the other power-ups we see on the list. This one also doesn’t seem to show up as much as other power-ups.

30: Flyswatter

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: This power-up allows you to swat the hell out of any shot or swat the ball from an opponent. It's like having the Hall Of Fame Pick Pocket and Rim Protector badges on 2k.

Originality: 4

Cool Factor:4.25

Effectiveness: 8

Total: 16.25

Why it's ranked where it is: You’re going to see a recurring theme with most of the Backyard Basketball power-ups. Try to guess what it is.

29: Frostbite

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: Makes it way harder for the opponent to make a shot.

Originality: 4

Cool Factor: 4

Effectiveness: 8.5

Total: 16.5

Why it's ranked where it is: Have you guessed the theme yet?

This power-up is effective, but you can still make shots, so that part is a little bit underwhelming.

28: Butter Fingers

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: The other team has trouble holding on to the ball.

Originality: 4

Cool Factor: 4

Effectiveness: 9

Total: 17

Why it's ranked where it is: How about now?

27: Slo Mo

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: You suck at this game if you can't score during this power-up.

Originality: 3

Cool Factor: 4.25

Effectiveness: 10

Total: 17.25

Why it's ranked where it is: You recognizing the theme now?

This power-up, while effective, can easily be countered. Especially if you have a long-range shooter like my boy Dmitri Petrovich.

26: Crazy Bunt

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: A bunt that can’t be fielded until it hits a surface.

Originality: 7.5

Cool Factor: 4

Effectiveness: 6

Total: 17.5

Why it's ranked where it is: This bunt was damn near impossible to field. The ball skirts and darts around until it hits a wall or something. This power-up was best used in conjunction with someone with speed.

25: More Juice/110% juice

Game: Backyard Baseball/Basketball

Description: Replenishes the energy/stamina of either one member of the team or the entire team.

Originality: 4

Cool Factor: 3.75

Effectiveness: 10

Total 17.75

Why it's ranked where it is: The essential refreshment for Backyard Sports kids everywhere. This power-up was never flashy, but it was essential when a player or team was in need of a stamina boost. All of the pitching power-ups on this list use a heavy amount of juice/stamina, so this is a good counter to the energy trade-off.

TIE-23: Super Speed

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: Do I need to explain this one? Your team runs faster.

Originality: 3

Cool Factor: 7

Effectiveness:8

Total: 18

Why it's ranked where it is: In closing, most of these Backyard Basketball power-ups are very effective, but not creative. I’m not saying that I could think of better ones, but this list is full of creativity and originality and most of the basketball ones fall short on that scale.

TIE-23: Cannon

Game: Backyard Soccer

Description: The ball launches off the person's foot, making this a hard shot to stop for the goalie.

Originality: 4

Cool Factor: 8

Effectiveness: 6

Total: 18

Why it's ranked where it is: The Backyard Soccer power-ups are dope. With that being said, the effectiveness of this power-up depends on who shoots it. There is a huge difference between the inaccurate foot of Pete Wheeler and Lisa Crocket.

Cannon is excellent for free kicks and long distance shots; however, the goalkeeper still has a chance of saving the ball if you don’t aim well enough.

22: Cough Drop

Game: Backyard Football

Description: This power-up causes an automatic fumble on the first hit.

Originality: 6

Cool Factor: 6

Effectiveness: 6.25

Total: 18.25

Why it's ranked where it is: The moment you hit an opponent who has the ball, they lose it. This is a double-edged sword because this doesn’t guarantee a turnover. Also if you don’t tackle them at all, you lose the power-up and give up a touchdown soooooooo.

21: Crazy Ball

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: It's a pitch that starts laughing and stuff as it heads over to the plate. It's not usually a threat. It just throws off your timing a little bit, you'll be fine.

Originality: 8

Cool Factor: 4.5

Effectiveness: 6

Total: 18.5

Why it's ranked where it is: This power-up depended on how loud the game was on your headphones. If you’re playing the game on mute, you might not even notice.

20: Elevator

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: This pitch stays low to the ground before it crosses the plate.

Originality: 6.5

Cool Factor: 6.5

Effectiveness: 5.75

Total: 18.75

Why it's ranked where it is: Easy to time, but hard to figure out where the ball will end up.

19: Undergrounder

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: Similar to the undergrounder in soccer, the ball goes below ground and pops up somewhere else on the field

Originality: 6

Cool Factor: 6

Effectiveness: 7

Total: 19

Why it's ranked where it is: It's a common power-up and when you had players with speed using this, (Pete Wheeler, Ichiro) this was an automatic home run. The Backyard Baseball fields had different dimensions, so an undergrounder would be far more effective on a place with sand or an open left field.

18: Magnet

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: You have an increased chance of intercepting your opponent's pass.

Originality: 5

Cool Factor: 6.25

Effectiveness: 8

Total: 19.25

Why it's ranked where it is: Effective and simple. Magnet isn’t going to turn heads.

17: Corkscrew

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: It's like a sideways tornado that makes its way to the plate. It attempts to make you dizzy in the process.

Originality: 8

Cool Factor: 5.5

Effectiveness: 6

Total: 19.5

Why it's ranked where it is: Much harder to track than Zig-Zag. Especially when the swing spot is big. It’s a tough pitch to hit, as you can see by me struggling to hit it in the gif.

... IT LOOKED LIKE A STRIKE OKAY?!

16: Screaming Line Drive

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: This is a line drive that screams, depending on who hits the ball. It's an automatic hit, but it can be a little bit underwhelming depending on how powerful the hitter is.

Originality: 4

Cool Factor: 6

Effectiveness: 10

Total: 20

Why it's ranked where it is: While it looks cool, compared to some of the other power-ups in the game, it’s pretty underwhelming. It’s a line drive that yells and goes a little bit faster.

15: SONIC BOOM

Game: Backyard Football

Description: The opposing team falls to the floor. Depending on how fast the running back is, you can either go for a big gain or go to the house!

Originality: 7

Cool Factor: 6.25

Effectiveness: 7

Total: 20.25

Why it's ranked where it is: While Sonic Boom was very efficient, this was not an automatic touchdown. There are some more effective power-ups on this list, but this one is pretty solid.

14: Chameleon

Game: Backyard Football

Description: When on defense, this power-up allows you to assume the uniform colors for the other team.

Originality: 6.5

Cool Factor: 8

Effectiveness: 6

Total: 20.5

Why it's ranked where it is: This power-up is hard to work around if it's used against you if you use a mouse. If you use the keyboard, it'll go over easier. This is a fun, chaotic power-up that will fool you if the computer gets its hands on it.

13: Hot hand

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: Similar to fire mode in NBA Jam, but it applies to the whole team instead of just one person. This makes you be able to hit from damn near anywhere on the court.

Originality:4

Cool Factor: 8

Effectiveness: 10

Total: 22

Why it's ranked where it is: It’s similar to on fire mode from NBA Jam. That is why there is a low originality score. Still cool tho.

12: Big Freeze

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: A pitch that freezes when it's just about to cross the plate.

Originality: 8

Cool Factor: 6

Effectiveness: 9

Total: 23

Why it's ranked where it is: The thing about this pitching power-up that distinguishes itself from the other ones is that there is no giveaway. At the last possible second, this power-up freezes and throws off your timing. This makes it extremely effective.

11: Jackpot shot

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: The number of points that you score depends on what the jackpot decides.

Originality: 7.5

Cool Factor: 8

Effectiveness: 8

Total: 23.5

Why it's ranked where it is: This is a game breaker of sorts. You can score a 9-point layup?! That can change the dynamic of the game no matter what the score is. This is a low-risk, high reward power-up that can’t really be stopped.

10: Spring Loaded

Game: Backyard Football

Description: This power-up instantly launches one of your defenders high in the air and into the backfield. Not always an automatic tackle/sack, but it is effective.

Originality: 8

Cool Factor: 10

Effectiveness: 6.5

Total: 24.5

Why it's ranked where it is: This power-up launches you into the backfield. But depending on the other team’s play call, this could come back to bite you. If there is a run play or a quick pass play, you could easily find yourself out of position. This is a perfect play to use to try to block a punt or field goal. When using this power-up, timing is key.

9: Cherry Picker

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: When you acquire this power-up, one of your teammates teleports to under the opponent's basket, making it easy to pass the ball to them.

Originality: 7

Cool Factor: 10

Effectiveness: 8

Total: 25

Why it's ranked where it is: This is one of my personal favorites because I’m obsessed with teleportation. Don’t @ me.

8: Under Grounder

Game: Backyard Soccer

Description: A ground ball that disappears into the field and pops up at a random spot in the field.

Originality: 7

Cool Factor: 9

Effectiveness: 10

Total: 26

Why it's ranked where it is: Similar to the Backyard Baseball undergrounder, the thing that separates it from the other one is the fact that this one is an automatic goal and the baseball one can just range from a single to a home run depending on who is using it. This is why it’s ranked high in effectiveness.

7: Bowling Ball

Game: Backyard Soccer

Description: The ball starts to knock over opposing team members like bowling pins.

Originality: 8

Cool Factor: 8.25

Effectiveness: 10

Total 26.25

Why it's ranked where it is: This sounds incredibly effective ... and painful.

6: Hocus-Pocus

Game: Backyard Football

Description: This play is awesome because your receiver vanishes past the defense for what could be an easy touchdown depending on the defense.

Originality: 9

Cool Factor: 9.5

Effectiveness: 8

Total: 26.5

Why it's ranked where it is: This was a difficult power-up to stop. Even if you were in a position to stop it...

You still might be powerless to defend against it.

5: Tracer

Game: Backyard Soccer

Description: With your mouse, you can control exactly where the ball will go. Like a friendly heat-seeking missile.

Originality: 8.75

Cool Factor: 10

Effectiveness: 8

Total: 26.75

Why it's ranked where it is: “Friendly heat-seeking missile.” NEED I SAY MORE?

4: Leap Frog

Game: Backyard Football

Description: The running back jumps over the defense. This play is an automatic first down, and depending on the defensive scheme, a touchdown.

Originality: 9

Cool Factor: 8

Effectiveness: 10

Total: 27

Why it's ranked where it is: Sure you can stop it, but it’s damn near impossible to without giving up a significant chunk of yards.

Imagine your favorite NFL player needs to gain 1 yard and you have a power-up that allows your running back to long jump 10 yards in the air for that specific time. It’s OP when you need it most.

3: Ice cream truck

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: One of the funnier power-ups on the list. The other team just stops what they're doing and thinks about ice cream until you steal the ball from them. The other team never gets their ice cream. Tragic.

Originality: 9

Cool Factor: 8.25

Effectiveness: 10

Total: 27.25

Why it's ranked where it is: This is funny and original and I love everything about it. It’s like being stuck in an illusion that you can’t get out of. You’re powerless to stop it. It’s effective, random and low-key funny when you think about it.

2: Dunk

Game: Backyard Basketball

Description: You can dunk from anywhere on the court, which doesn't sound that cool until you remember that dunking in this game is incredibly rare. You can only dunk in this game when no one is in the paint.

Originality: 7.5

Cool Factor: 10

Effectiveness: 10

Total; 27.5

Why it's ranked where it is: You can dunk from anywhere on the court. ANYWHERE.

1: Aluminum Power

Game: Backyard Baseball

Description: An OP bat that sends the ball at least 500 feet. An automatic home run. To top it off you have a dope sound effect that is accompanied by Sunny Day's Captain Obvious style play-by-play.

Originality: 8

Cool Factor: 10

Effectiveness: 10

Total: 28

Why it's ranked where it is: You could have the worst batter in the game use this power-up (Vicki Kawaguchi),

and still hit a Barry Bonds-style home run. It was between this and Dunk for the top spot; the thing that made the difference for me is the fact that these full court dunks were still only 3 points while an aluminum power bat could result in up to 4 runs.

The earlier parts of the series are all classics that stood the test of time so well that you could yell, “Who remembers Pablo Sanchez?” in a crowd full of people and make 4-8 new friends depending on your personality type.

FUN FACT: Pablo Sanchez speaks English

SURPRISE!

These games were filled with simple but addictive gameplay and characters that you grew attached to. From Pete Wheeler to Sally Dobbs, these characters were each unique and special to our hearts.

I miss them.