#sorry to the source blogs i've been neglecting

[kindlyanni]

Hey! Uh! Sorry if this is weird at all but! I'm like... 95% sure that I named myself after Dylan when I started to answer all the questions I was asking myself about my gender, which for me was back in high school (im in my 20s now), when I found this blog??? Of some sort??? That linked to a bunch of LGBT webcomics and... I found Transfusions through that - its been a while since I've read it, but I just went back and got fully caught up and (again! I do apologize if this is overwhelming at all but!!!) Came to the realization that Dylan's name and gender felt more comfortable then what I was. As well, the gorgeous way you draw emotions and experiences, the facial expressions and the... vibe??? For lack of a better term??? It gave me some courage id been missing to pick up a pen and draw a little again, after neglecting it for years. So, thank you for listening to my silly rambles in your inbox, and thank you for helping a silly teenager come to terms with their identity through such a well written and well loved character ♡ also snarky vampires, v important! Whenever you read this, I hope you have or had a wonderful day ~

Awuuuuu oh Anon thank you for such a lovely message! 💜 I’m so glad to hear my comic is a source of inspiration for you! Thank you so much!

Have a lovely day as well!

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

I'm so tired. I feel like my whole life I've been fighting to have a healthy relationship with food and my body, and I just can't do it anymore. I can't fight anymore. And it's so, so easy in comparison to restrict and obsess over tracking everything I eat

I'm dealing with symptoms of a currently unknown disability right now, and I'm so tired. I'm tired of doctors saying "wow, I have no idea what's going on, I've never seen labs like this... but I'm sure losing weight will help!" (Or, worse, "looks like everything's fine, just lose some weight!") It's become this belief that if I was skinny my symptoms would be taken seriously. If I was skinny I'd be able to figure out what was going wrong because doctors wouldn't rely on my weight to explain everything. I know logically there are lots of disabled people who are still ignored while being skinny, who still struggle to be taken seriously, but I can't shake this feeling that everything would be easier if I was skinny

It feels like my life is in the hands of people who don't give a shit about me. And they still probably wouldn't give a shit if I was skinny, but maybe they would. I don't know, I've never been skinny, so I can imagine that everything would be perfect if I was

It's definitely at least partially a desire to have control over my body, too. I can't stop my symptoms, I don't have the tools to figure out what's wrong on my own, but I can starve myself! It seems very silly written out, and it is, but knowing it's silly isn't enough

I saw in your about that you've dealt with comorbid chronic illness and eating disorders, so I guess I'm asking... how? That's probably already on your blog somewhere, actually, so I guess I'm just venting more than anything. Advice would be appreciated, though

God, I feel this so hard, anon. So so hard.

First of all, I am so sorry I have taken so long to get to this ask. Work, ny studies, and my personal life have all been overwhelming lately and I’ve been having to focus on some wellness work for myself.

But yeah. What you’re talking about is a REAL problem, and you are not alone. And the constant medical neglect of fat people and the “I’m sure all your mystery symptoms will go away if you just lose weight” is just the cherry on top of the shit sundae that is chronic illness. It hurts peoples’ lives. It can kill. I don’t have a quick fix for this system, anon, but I just wanted to take a moment to validate you because I know that what you’re going through is so frustrating and draining and soul-sucking. I am mentally sending you strength.

First of all, I might have one suggestion for you: lie. Lie to your medical professionals about just one thing, and no other: tell them you are already on a weight-loss journey, even if you are not. If it gets you the help you need in this system - yeah, fib a little. But then, explain to your doctors that the reason you are seeking treatment for your symptoms so proactively is that they are preventing you from doing what you need to do to lose weight. Yes, of course you really want treatment to improve your basic quality of life, but when you’re talking to your doctor, sometimes you gotta frame it in a way they’ll hear. Explain how each symptom has made you unable to pursue an active lifestyle. Or how you’ve been too fatigued to meal prep, or how your symptoms are costing you so much that you are struggling to budget for dietary changes. You don’t have to actually be planning any of these things, but if it gets them to continue pursuing the source of your symptoms, just lie. I know it’s so triggering and awful to have to do this just to get taken seriously, so set aside time to prioritize something that you find self-caring after this.)

I know you say your desire to control your body seems silly written out, but it’s not silly at all. I get it. I really really do because I have the same impulse. When your body keeps acting out of your control in painful ways, it’ll make you desperate. And when you’ve had the message pushed your whole life that being skinny fixes everything, it tends to stick in your mind. You are not alone. You are desperate and being driven by a valid impulse.

Instead of pursuing an eating disorder, remind yourself that eating disorders only give you the illusion of control. Eating disorders only pave the way for the disorder to get more control over you. Not to mention, starving yourself will likely take even more of a toll on your health, doing lasting damage if you lose a significant amount of weight from starving. You are allowed to love yourself more than that. I know it’s hard. I know it’s hard to keep fighting for yourself.

Are you in any chronic illness support groups, online or in person? If you aren’t, I suggest you find some. You may find a good outlet to vent about symptoms, get advice on what got doctors to take other people seriously, and learn more about your own symptoms.

While I don’t recommend starving yourself, you could try tracking your symptoms in relation to certain foods and see if specific food sensitivities worsened them (this was true for me.) For me personally, it helps to remind myself that these foods aren’t “bad” foods - they’re just not good FOR ME, and choosing the ones that make me feel better is a way of taking care of and loving my body. (If you find your symptoms do not change based on dietary experimentation, you can disregard this advice.) For me, it can be really triggering having to avoid certain foods, so I definitely have to take a pause to calm down and talk myself through it sometimes.

Things like meditation exercises, gentle yoga, de-stressing exercises and therapy will not cure your chronic health condition, but may help keep symptoms from spiking as badly because stress is known to exacerbate physical symptoms. (Easier said than done, I know - what you’re going through is stressful. I am not telling you not to feel stressed, just to try and create small pockets of time where you try to give yourself a break from stress, which may not come naturally and may be hard because you cannot go to a place of escaping your symptoms. Just keep trying patiently and be compassionate with yourself.)

Anon, I really really hope this gives you some sort of help and comfort, even though it’s not a cure-all and I did get to it so late. There’s more I could say based on knowing specific symptoms if you’re okay sharing them, but for now I’ll just leave it at this. Feel free to vent in my inbox any time.

[bsdndprplplld]

I neglected this blog like hell, sorry

I had a lot of work to do, that's kinda what happened. but I would like to go back to posting regularly, so maybe I could write about something people would want to see?

for now my ideas for posts include

more study tips

a quick intro to moduli functors, since a lot of sources are written in a way that requires advanced algebraic geometry. I could explain the basics using (almost) only commutative algebra

updates on my life and what I've been working on

books recommendations

interesting math problems I encountered recently

if you'd like to see any of that, let me know! and feel free to give me more suggestions in the comments

[nutklcker]

Soooo it's been a while...

CW: mentions of abuse, neglect, near death experiences, hospitals, DID fusing, splitting, and fragmentation, and psychological torture

Yippie! (/sarcasm)

(Also I'm sorry in advance if it seems like I'm not taking this seriously, it's tough to take it seriously when, if I take it seriously, it sends me into panic attacks)

So it's been a while, which sucks. I personally am really bummed by it because I loved the community/environment here and everyone I met and made friends with, but some shit hit the fan that left us in a reeeeally bad state, and I'm sure some of y'all are a bit worried so now that I'm in a better place I wanted to make an update

The short breakdown is that we had a near-death experience. And by near death I mean if we got to the hospital even just three minutes later we most certainly would've died. It's related to one of the last posts we did, I think the Host made it, where he mentioned a chronic illness coming back or something like that. So that was a little ironic 😬

And then a little while after that our parent got extra abusive and manipulative (emotional/psychological abuse, not physical thankfully) because of course having a near-death experience is *our* fault (/sarcasm). And that left us sick in an unsafe environment.

So, thanks to these two things combined, accompanied by a lot of splitting, fusing, fragmentation, and just general intense depression and anxiety, I didn't have a lot of time to be here, online. Which meant a lot of you got left in the dark and I didn't have this little comfort-media-corner to retreat to. The good part of that is that I have my own friends and interests in the offline world now, I even have another partner! Which is nice :') we love polyamory ❤️

And, finally, for those wondering, myself, Host, March, and Anno are all mostly okay. Host, of course, was the one there for the experience so he's still really shaken up, I've been a little strung out because I manage a lot of protectiveness and self-preservation, which, we've run into a lot of, but March and Anno have mostly been sitting to the side waiting for things to calm down. Other alters in the system didn't have it as easy as them two did though, we lost a few due to fragmentation and "lost" two to a fuse that really changed the both of them. We also gained eight new alters which was a lot to manage! Oh, and also in that time one of our other fictives had a major breakdown cuz he was too delusionally source-connected so he's been dealing with that too...

TLDR/But to wrap this up: yeah we almost died, got abused for it, had to deal with DID, depression, and anxiety shenanigans, and thus our tumblr went silent. I'll reblog this post with an outline of probably where this blog will go in the future.

Thanks for reading yall :') ❤️

- Rend

[vampireclub7]

In the midst of all this HYBE drama WOW WOW WOW this isn’t even Enha’s comeback but every song on Memorabilia rocks. These guys are so talented and versatile. And Jay! Whoa, wow. Hope you are well, BPP!

***

Hello @susanraines

Sorry for the late reply. I've been kinda neglecting Tumblr recently and this blog especially. I'm attempting to properly answer your question before Romance: Untold drops in a month.

Because, yes, I really like Memorabilia and it has everything I love about ENHYPEN.

Agreed that ENHYPEN is easily the most versatile group in HYBE right now. Easily. And the reason why is because the members themselves are versatile. All of them are incredible dancers, all of them have resonant, agile vocals, all of them have developed compelling personas. The songs on Memorabilia are good enough, but it's the members' performances of those songs that elevates them into something better.

I checked out their performance of Fatal Trouble at WeverseCon and couldn't find a single weakness, in any member.

That's the performance they gave with Jay sporting a knee injury, all seven just coming from their Fate+ tour in Japan and preparing for their next comeback.

*

What I love most about Memorabilia is seeing the growth in all the members. Take for example, Jay. He's always had my favourite vocal tone in ENHYPEN but in this album, can you hear the pipes on that man? His vocals? Perfect for any genre, but it especially shines in the pop-rock Fatal Trouble. The way he starts the second chorus of Fatal Trouble is one of the top highlights of that song IMO. Ni-ki's verse too is goosebump-inducing, as is his slowdown bridge on Teeth. Heeseung is basically the Jungkook in Enhypen with how much he carries their songs vocally but that isn't to say the others members are slacking at all in that department either. Sunoo, Jay, Jungwon, Sunghoon (he's the real Lucifer, that is all), Jake, Ni-ki - their vocal deliveries are pretty good.

Lucifer, Teeth, and to a lesser degree Fatal Trouble are the stand out tracks on Memorabilia for me. Scream I found mostly forgettable and Criminal Love and OIAB are old tracks. Overall the album is a solid 7.5/10 from me.

I have serious doubts about the intelligence and ethics of the top honchos at Belift, but whoever is sourcing their songs knows what he/she is doing. At least so far. I suspect their upcoming album will have a lighter tone, and that's usually not my thing but I'm looking forward to it in any case.

[askstevefromminecraft]

Hey everyone! Sorry for not posting much. I've been really busy with school work and other projects I've been meaning to work on.

I'll probably quit this blog at some point, but I thank everyone who's interacted with this blog.

The reason for this is not only because I've been busy with school work, but because I never really liked how the overall story of Ask Steve from Minecraft's story went.

Here's how the story would've gone if I planned it better: Steve and Herobrine get curious and hack the computer to gain access to information on their player, they discover that the player was actually filming, WITH A FACECAM this entire session (2 months worth of footage dawg) and discover that the player is actually dead. The reason why the computer was still running was because of the players mother, and that the mother was actually the one managing the questions you guys asked and sending them to Steve and Herobrine. Later it's revealed that the player only died because the mother locked them in their bedroom as a punishment of some kind, the only source of happiness to the player was minecraft, but the player was trapped for a really long time in that room and slowly died of starvation, dehydration, and many other ailments, they were also stuck to the chair because of their um, bodily functions yeah. Their mother opens the player's bedroom door, wanting to forgive their child, but realised that her dear baby has died due to her own neglect. But she tells herself that they're still alive. Steve and Herobrine did not know what to do with allat.

But I didn't know what to do with this plot, or how it might develop, as well as what Steve and Herobrine might do afterwards.

There's also that one plot concept where we discover that Steve is actually connected to the world he's in, and that deleting his world would mean deleting him too, but being able to restore himself if his world seed is used once more, but at the cost of his memories being discarded. Basically he reincarnates everytime someone enters his world seed. Herobrine however still lives, even after the World seed gets deleted, and so he repeats every session getting to know Steve again and again, and when Steve gets deleted, he waits in the void, near the spawn point, where Steve would show up, everytime, never ending.

But I'll probably never use that ever.

I actually have a main account but I don't use it as much (rather, I actually don't use tumblr at all)

Main Account is https://www.tumblr.com/blog/dr-john09

I'll probably repurpose Ask Steve from Minecraft into a new blog for a new story, but I don't think it'll be happening any time soon.

Thanks to everyone who has asked on this blog, as well as the ones in my inbox, I've been meaning to answer atleast some of them but couldn't because of lack of motivation.

[pack-the-pack]

Going though your blog and answers has me ✨ fascinated ✨ and I mean that in the most positive of ways. ABO is a hit or miss because it frequently intersects with my scent kink but only in the most specific of ways lol. (It has also been rotting my brains in trying to come up with different hcs lately so thank you for satisfying that scratch)

Originally came here from your slur list which I'm Obsessed with because mundane world building (mundane as in every day, I very much love it XD) so going through it was such a treat.

And now having spent almost an hour scrolling, I can confidently say that I love your blog ~

(I'm also on your 'give chan all the love he deserves' boat and currently Going through it trying to find good fics XD. If you have any recs I would be forever grateful <3)

Food for thought: I know most head cannons around abo stay relatively away from deviation aside from personality (going off fanfics, I haven't explored blogs that much, a travesty I'm now realizing), but knowing that in humans neither sex nor gender is binary in any way has me wondering what those deviations might look like in an abo setting. What would intersex look like in this setting? Pheromones are pretty obvious, certain scents being correlated with certain presentations, but the potency could also bring up insecurity (going off your beta having weaker scents hc). Glands could be missing or placed differently (is the scent kink obvious lol) but seeing as they're important for communication, that could be an interesting take on ostracization as the "inept" one. I won't get too far into the surgery done to irl intersex folk because this is fun fantasy, but it's another aspect to explore.

All to say, I'm just fascinated with the evolution and the "how we got here" side of abo and all the ramifications that come with it lol.

Hope you have a good day! You've made mine with a new blog to explore -w-

Hello!

So sorry, for taking so long to answer. I've been neglecting my asks a lot, there's nearly 100 of them, and I know I'll never get them down to a reasonable number. Oop :V But slowly I'll get through SOME hahahaha. First things first: I'm incredibly grateful for all the kind words. I know I've slowly got less and less time over the years to dedicete to this blog, But I still try to come by whenever I have some time to spare. And to know that there are people out there that really enjoy what I write and create is very heart-warming. Ah yes, the infamous slurs post. The A/B/O magnet that curses my notifications lol. Like I said in my last post, one day people will realize this is for FICTION, and as you said, world-building, not a real thing? Antis be bafflings as always, but what else is new, ey? YES! Channie deserves so much love. I unforutetly don't have any fanfics to rec, even though I am writting one myself. But I gotta say, as I write, writing Chris' persona (because when it comes to Real People fanfiction, especially idols, I make it very clear that we're dealing with their personas as artists, not them as real people in their private lives) is surprisingly difficult. Most of all when it comes to writing him as a source of conflict. Because bloody hell, he's so sweet, I can't write him being petty or whiny belivably enough! When I do write my fanfic though and at least post ONE chapter, I'll let you know, if you want I can send you a link also. Now for the interesting part. As always, omegaverse biology! I think it'd be interesting if intersex people were like, maybe anatomically like one dynamics, but behaviourally like another. Specially on their scent. You look at this big person, and you think "there goes an Alpha", but then they just smell like sweet Omega or Beta and you're like "wait a sec--". I like the idea of different shapes and placements of glands too! That'd be quite interesting. As for the gonads and reproductive organs, technically in my verse, Alpha females and Omega males are in a way, already what one may consider intersex (at least one interpretation of it). Female alpha have a slit/vagina that acts as a sheath for their penis, which only grow upon arousal, much like cats. And at least in my verse, Omega males have a vestigial penis and testicles, that although not functional for reproduction still react to arousal and stimulus. They also have a womb accessible by their booty, which I know many people don't like, but hey, my game my rules, right? Thinking of other possible intersex presentations in a verse such as this, then one could maybe argue for functional and larger penises for "supposed" Omegas while keeping the ability to carry offspring. And for female Alphas maybe maintining the ability to carry children, like Beta females, but having a smaller, non functional penis. And also a myriad of other possibilities. Would that be enough to constitute a new dynamics? Maybe, idk actually. I think much like in real life, it'd be up to the individual to decide whether or not they want to be segregated and categorized as something other. It's certainly a fun thing to consider and build a story or some headcanons in the very least upon. Thank you for the ideas :))

[theoutcastrogue]

Hello, love the blog been following for a long time. Just wanted to ask if you have a name, source, title for the paramilitary memoir with the Greek/Bulgarian anecdote. Not trying to "gotcha" you, it just sounds exactly like something i'd read

Sadly, both my memory and google failed me.

My source is Tasos Kostopoulos, a journalist and researcher who's done an amazing job demolishing nationalistic myths, particularly re: greece and/vs the rest of the balkans and turkey. He writes for the newspaper Efimerida ton Syntakton, and has published a number of books.

Relevant articles (in greek, with similar incidents and historical background, but not quite the one I had in mind):

Ο αληθινός Παύλος Μελάς

Το έθνος ως κόμμα, το κόμμα ως έθνος

Το γνωστό-άγνωστο Ιλιντεν

Το μυστικό του Βάλτου

The legendary Ios (virus), an older project of investigative journalism, researched these subjects many times. Many many times. I... ran out of steam searching tbh, but here is the archive for anyone who wants to dig.

Relevant books (in greek):

Πόλεμος και εθνοκάθαρση: Η ξεχασμένη πλευρά μιας δεκαετούς εθνικής εξόρμησης (1912-1922) (I've read this one, and it's probably my source?, but I can't find it right now to check. Goddammit, the house is a mess.)

Εθνικά κόμματα και πρώιμος Μακεδονισμός: Η πολιτική και κοινωνική διάσταση της εθνικής διαπάλης στην ύστερη Οθωμανική Μακεδονία (I haven't read this one)

Very sadly, I don't think any of this has been translated to English. I can only find this paper:

Tasos Kostopoulos, «“Land to the Tiller”. On the Neglected Agrarian Component of the Macedonian Revolutionary Movement, 1893-1912», in Turkish Historical Review, 7 [2016]

Sorry I couldn't be of more help!

[cg-saturn]

i have this thing that happens where I'm not quite big but m not quite small either, and sometimes when i talk stuff comes out funny like it does when I'm little like the babbling n the baby talk, and I don't really understand a lot of stuff, but i'm still big and can do things that i need to take care of. it's like a weird limbo space that's involuntary and i kinda get stuck there for a really long time and i'm not really sure what it means

idk how long you've been in the agere community or anything but i figured from your blog you might have some advice? its totally cool if not, i just figured its better to ask and maybe get some advice than to not try at all? sorry if this is annoying, feel free to ignore it.

Hey there anon! Thank you so so much for reaching out with this! I do want to start by saying I'm not a professional by any means when it comes to this stuff- I started involuntarily regressing when I was maybe around 14 years old, so 6/7 years ago, however I've honestly only recently become more familiar with some of the more elaborate parts of regression/dreaming. I might be able to offer some suggestions, but you should also try exploring some other sources for info on your own when you feel big enough! Please also remember that regression/dreaming is a little different for everyone, and this is all based strictly on personal experience and knowledge. If I mess up with wording or if i dont properly explain something, please feel free to leave a kindly worded comment or send a private message and I'll make any changes needed!! Like i always say, there are no wrong ways to regress as long as you are being sfw and using the time to heal however you need.

Regression/Dreaming happens for different reasons for everyone. I plan to make a longer post on different types of littles at some point soon, but I do want to mention a few things that could be occurring that maybe you could look into!

Recently I've been learning a lot about Middle Space, because I think I've been having similar-ish "symptoms" (for lack of a better word?). Middle space is a form of regression that isn't quite child-aged but is still a regression from your bio age. It's a different age group, ranging from beginning of teen years to only a few years regressed from your bio age. For myself, I think I find myself in a middle-age range of 10-15, where I'm fully functional with things but I feel like I still find myself behaving in more childish ways. I enjoy taking care of Star and others when I'm in a middle space because it feels almost like playing house! It happens to me involuntarily and for long periods of time, and I do believe mine is related to the amount of trauma I endured at such a developmentally important age.

Its also possible that your regression could be splitting itself between ages as a way to heal from related traumas as well. Depending on what your regression stems from, there may be multiple trauma points from your past that need resolution, or your voluntary regression age might be different from your involuntarily age! It could be a good time when you're in this space to try and figure out what caused you to feel this way, if anything did. Maybe you had a conversation with someone that might have triggered it, or even a familiar smell/texture/taste can sometimes do it. If you can try and place your involuntary regression triggeres, it might help you figure out why it's happening!

Another possibility is that you haven't been taking enough time to be little recently. Sometimes if you've been busy, it's hard to take time to bring yourself into a full little space. Having half-regressions happen involuntarily could be a sign that you need to take better care of your regressed self's needs. Maybe try and find some time in your schedule to color or enjoy your favorite little show, and show your inner child some love! Regressing is healthy, and necessary for some people! Don't neglect taking care of yourself just because it seems less important than Big world activities, because sometimes it's actually even more so!

My last thought is actually really simple compared to the others, and that's the fact that regressing is different for everyone! Maybe yours could be evolving from how it was simply because that's just what happens as we biologically age! Just like our tastebuds, our regression can change over time and evolve with what we need. The most important part of this change is just acknowledging it, just taking time to understand your own regression can be a big help!

I'm going to make another post hopefully soon about different types of regressions, but again I'm not even close to a professional on these things so please always double check me if anything seems wrong! I hope this list can help you start to identify whatever it is that's causing you to involuntarily regress. Always remember, there is no right or wrong way to regress, as long as you're being safe and kind. You deserve love and kindness and healing, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with regression.

Pippi Saturn 💕

--

Dni: k!nk/nsfw, maps, terfs, homophobes, transphobes, anti-agere

[milesgmorales-archive]

ok i’m back and have nothing to do until classes start so looks like i’m gonna be more active on here again

[marcspectrr]

I've been scrolling and reading through your blog love your pov on Layla and Marc and I wanted to add a headcanon of mine if that's okay .

Both Marc and Layla worked with each other , she did tell him that she loves them but he didn't say it back because he's to scared and Layla was understanding and didn't want to pressure him into saying it because deep down she knows he does .

In on of there adventures something went wrong and someone shot Layla while they were running away it was a minor injury just a surface scratch and when they were safe Marc realize the injury meanwhile with the rush of anxiety and adrenaline and fear of losing her he just breaks .

Sobbing into her chest holding her by the waist just crying, meanwhile Layla is shocked and trying to reassure him she's fine but he just shakes and cry and hold her even tighter which is new to Layla because Marc is always this cold confident man and he wasn't a hugger or had so much physical touch, so she tries to hold his black locks soothing him while he mutters how terrified he felt when he thought he was about to lose her and perhaps even tell her how much he loved her afraid of losing her before telling her how mich he did love her and adore her.

Sorry this turned out longer than I thought

Oh firstly, thanks🥰 sometimes I feel like I'm just word vomiting into my screen so I'm glad it comes across semi coherent haha and PLEASE don't apologize, you just happened to touch on the very thing that occupies my mind constantly so I actually apologize for the length lol

That moment where Marc's walls crack for Layla is such a mystery, right? Bc Marc is vigilant, cautious, so utterly guarded and closed off from both conscious and unconscious methods of self-preservation. Even if he hates himself, even if he's internalized all the words and touches that decayed his worth and value, and even if he's not always okay with the fact that he's still breathing, he still has these emotional/psychological safeguards put up.

And that's also a big part of the significance of when he becomes vulnerable with Layla. Bc as much as he might want that connection, as much as he's somehow started to build this attachment he never thought he'd have, it's not this easily achievable thing for him.

On a more literal note...

If the body endures enough trauma and neglect, the mind literally adapts by learning to shut off the midline structures of the brain, parts that deal with sensory experiences. Essentially, in an effort to cope with said trauma, areas of the brain responsible for transmitting feelings that form a foundation for self-awareness, what makes us feel alive, literally turn off.

Marc may not have any physcial scars left on the outside from his abuse due to Khonshu, but his brain is literally wired differently. Not only bc of his disorder, but bc of his minds capacity for preservation. For survival. It's both amazing and heartbreaking, really.

On a behavioral note...

Our bodies and our minds learn to regulate our feelings and respond to distress in different ways. For some, reaching out to trusted loved ones becomes what's associated with comfort. For others who've never had a secure person to turn to, they seek out whatever else means comfort in their eyes. Obviously for Marc, isolation equated to being safe. There was this relief in being alone bc being alone meant existing out of reach of what was hurting him.

But the problem with this is that the thing that once brought Marc relief became this perpetual source of loneliness. What meant not getting hurt turned into what makes his life solitary, unfulfilling and ironically full of pain.

So he has all of these literal and emotional scars telling him no, to stay away, to not get attached, to do anything but get attached. But then...

But then Layla tells him she loves him. And she shows she loves him. And, scariest yet, she makes him feel loved. So much, it's almost tangible. And somehow she knows the weight of that for him, so she's not mad when he doesn't say it back. She's not mad at all. She knows.

The shot is just a graze, a surface wound. Marc's seen plenty, hell, he's had plenty. There's still blood, though. This person who's never touched him wrong, who's never misplaced her tone, always, always, given him this place away from that desolate, lonely, seemingly inevitable isolation he knew so well, and there's blood. Contaminating her. This person is hurt. Shot.

And when Marc breaks, he breaks.

He's never clung to someone else so closely, so intimately, so desperately. It hurts so much that for a moment he's sure he's lost her. Bc that's what loss felt like. 

Only it wasn't the loss he thought.

That mask, hiding his heart and blocking his face from the world and using the name 'protection', suddenly it's forgotten. Fallen away and still within reach but for a moment or two just lost.

[licncourt]

Okay, so I’m sorry in advance if this is long, but psychoanalysis on Lestat takes a lot of words and I want your opinion!

So I don’t personally have BPD, but I have a partner who does and I am also a psych major, so I know a lot about it. I’ve always read Lestat as having BPD so I’m glad to see you think the same!

So, one of the lesser talked about symptoms of BPD is age regression. It probably is not talked about because it is immediately associated with some weird kink stuff, but that is NOT the case in BPD. It is a trauma response that the person with BPD involuntarily does as a way to relieve their symptoms, and again, it’s done completely unknowingly by the person with BPD and they don’t chose to do it or even know they’re doing it most of the time, which sets it apart from the weird kink stuff. In BPD, it is truly nothing but a trauma response. It’s also prevalent in PTSD, which Lestat also has. You can Google “age regression in BPD” if you’d like to learn more to better answer this.

So, to finally get to my question, do you think that aspect of BPD is what contributes to Lestat acting the way he does sometimes? I.E. being bratty, acting immature and like a literal toddler at times, wanting to be taken care of by Louis, wanting attention, etc.

And also, do you think it contributed to why Lestat had such a big switch in temperament following him going underground prior to TVL? He went from being pretty abusive, manipulative, and angry during IWTV, to being a lot softer in every book after that, and any show of his temper just came off as a child having a temper tantrum. I personally read that as growth on his part, and his BPD presenting itself in a different way.

Thank you & I love your blog!

This is such an interesting concept for him and one I've touched very lightly on in my current fic (not explicitly, but it's something I've had in mind while writing certain scenes).

The way I see it is that much of Lestat's toxic behavior seems to tie back to the fact that he's permanently stuck with the mind of a mentally ill twenty one year old that in itself is already lacking proper maturation because of trauma.

Lestat has this childlike dependency on the affection and approval of others that really seems to stem from his childhood and the neglect and abuse he endured. It's like he's been stunted in his development, unable to grow and mature until that inner child is finally nurtured. He's stuck in this mental place and his maturity level reflects it. Even outside of BPD, that's a common consequence of childhood trauma, as far as I'm aware.

When Lestat experiences rejection, criticism, abandonment, etc it seems to revert him back to that childlike place as he reexperiences those moments of trauma and damage. He's taken back to that place and he responds in a fittingly childish way, essentially throwing a tantrum out of anger and desperation. Even in IWTV, some of the fights he picks with Louis feel like an ignored kid trying to get attention, even if the attention is negative. He'd rather have someone "care" enough to fight with him than feel unimportant.

When he's not acting out, this mindset manifests, like you said, in a very intense need for affection and praise. He seeks it through romantic relationships, through his books, through fame, really any avenue that gets him that instant gratification from an easy source. The desire for love (used as an umbrella term here) is the primary motivator for him across his whole arc.

As far as the difference in Lestat from IWTV vs other books, I've always chalked that up mainly to the difference in POV. Lestat in IWTV is Lestat as told by Louis after their catastrophic breakup. All the books after are Lestat as told by Lestat. With that in mind, I tend to assume the "real" him is somewhere in the middle, not as violent and cruel as what Louis described but not as innocent as Lestat portrays himself.

However, I do definitely think he's softer after his time underground, perhaps because he learned some very hard lessons and had to recalibrate. Kind of like hitting a hard reset. I'm sure this could potentially have affected his BPD presentation, but I don't feel qualified to speculate much. I think it could be a BPD thing, an overall growth thing, or a mixture of the two.

[stormblessed95]

First off, want to say I really been enjoying all of your posts! There’s so much content to get through since I’m catching up after becoming an army for the first time in January. Your blog has become an indispensable resource!

As for the question I have. I’ve been watching the rise of bangtan series on YouTube, which is phenomenally put together and fantastic for giving me a sense of the actual timeline of how things went down. Have you seen it? I’m hoping you have, because my question is about the series. Am I alone and thinking that Jimin gets shortchanged, and that the editors tend to prefer clips with tkk? Granted that Im only on episode 13, but… Watching it, I don’t get a sense of Jimin as having strong relationships with any of the members really, which is incredible to me given how involved with all of them he is, and how close he and Jungkook are.

More broadly, its surprising to me how easy it is to cut that content out, or neglect to include it, even despite the pleeeeeeethora of jikook moments throughout the years. I guess this is why you always say to go back to the source material. Any edit has an agenda, even if it’s a subconscious one. Even if it’s trying to be fair.

Hi, I have watched them! In all fairness it's it's AWHILE since I've seen it. Lol so Idk how good my judgement is. I will say perhaps it's your own bias that's making you notice taekook moments included? Other people can feel free to jump in here. I never got the feeling that anyone or anyone's bond was being over shadowed while I was watching those episodes. But again, its been a while. So I could be wrong, I just don't remember having those thoughts as I watched it the first time.

They did have to cut ALOT of stuff though for those episodes. They were mostly focused on BTSs journey as a whole and not necessarily their friendships with each other. So yes, there is a plethora of jikookery no matter what year you are looking at, but of course its not going to all get jncluded. Everyone's bonds are going to have moments cut. Lol BTS has an insane amount of content out there. Again though, it's been a while! But yes, it all comes back to going and watching the content for yourself. Nothing included in these episodes is going to have the full moment, it literally just can't. It's impossible. Lol so it's an amazing starting point for ARMY, especially baby army, but it's not a replacement for seeing a lot of this yourself either!

Sorry, I feel like I wasn't much help here. Lol but thank you so much for all your kind words! And welcome to the fandom! Feel free to DM me if you ever need to 🥰🥰

(Bonus vmin in here because I love them!)

[lovecraftian-lolita]

I noticed you had Jennifer Girl linked without any clarification that they're a replica store. Any reason for this? Since replicas are so often looked down on in the lolita community, I thought people would want to know if they're being recommended a replica seller

Jennifer Girl isn't lolita, it's more on the casual side of things with just normal stuff, nothing extravagant, and I do own a few tops from them, they're pretty great quality. Yeah, I should've tagged them as a replica store my bad, but when you're plus-sized and barely have shit to wear your options are limited. Most clothes all over the world just straight up don't fit you right, much less more fun J Fashion type things. Hell, not all of their stuff even fits the qualifications of my blog. They're my one exception on this blog just because it's good quality and literally no one else makes shit for us.

Yeah stealing designs is a shit thing to do. But if you aren't catering to a demographic, especially one as neglected as the plus-size community, someone is gonna find a way, and this one was stealing.

I won't lie, I don't blame plus-size people for buying from shein or replica stores just because, fuck, we honestly don't have shit. We get the table scraps for everything. Even clothes made for us are miserable quality. So even though it's a replica store, to have something that looks nice, fits nice, and is nice quality is honestly a luxury. I'm still against replicas but when you're plus-sized you don't have that many options. You REALLY don't always have that luxury to think about shit like that like whether or not it's "ethically made, cruelty-free, ethically sourced materials" and shit like that, we have jack shit in the first place and it's already expensive. Jennifer Girl is there because while it's a replica store it's not a lolita store, it's more general and I'll honestly let it pass. I'm just sick and tired of not having anything to wear and wearing the clothes I do have to threads. It's kinda why I made this blog in the first place.

So yeah, sorry for not being clear about that, I've been retagging all of the Jennifer Girl Posts. (honestly, if it's such a problem for the brand to lose out on potential customers they never had cause they never make sizes for us, then they should have started making plus sizes in the first place)

If you wanna unfollow me for any of what I said that's fair cause replicas are a no-no. But hey, at least it's not an AP replica or some shit. You can only remake a turtleneck or a blouse so many times.

But yeah that's the whole reason.

[queenofdarkness999]

Rules: tag 10 peoples you'd like to get to know more

I have been summoned by the lovely @the-red-cassock to share my darkest secrets with the creatures of this hellish site. I'm @imagine-ghost-bc posting to my main blog.

Name: Jessica.

Sign: Libra. There are actually 13 zodiac signs because some cretins neglected to mention the evil snake-bearer sign Ophiuchus so most of you are not the sign you think you are. Not sorry.

Gender: Female.

Height: 5'5"

Sexuality: Straight.

Wallpaper: This beauty.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?: Married with a baby or two. The American dream.

If you could be anywhere else right now, where?: My boyfriend's arms.

What was your coolest Halloween costume?: Mina Harker from LXG

What's your favorite 90s TV show?: Does the Beetlejuice cartoon count? I don't watch TV

Last kiss?: 2017. My bf and I are long distance so we've yet to get physical.

Ever been stood up?: I'll be completely honest, I've never been asked out on a date or to the school dance or to be somebody's valentine in my whole life. My bf said I didn't have a choice but to be his valentine last year and this year.

Ever been to Vegas?: Yes. I enjoyed Gordon Ramsay's signature beef wellington for Christmas.

Favorite pair of shoes: My platform boots.

Favorite fruit: Black cherries.

Favorite book: The Barsoom series by Edgar Rice Burroughs.

Stupidest thing you've ever done: My whole life. Recently I was blackmailed into attending some odd autism help panels because I have aspergers syndrome and the first was called "what it's like to have aspergers". I didn't expect the outcome, I pointed out the speaker was not using genuine psychological facts to decode a disorder which varies starkly from person to person but rather portrayed the disorder through his own eyes, not using credible sources, and failing to be able to elaborate on details he stated he wrote himself when questioned further which unraveled his credibility until he kicked us out 30 minutes early.

Favorite gif:

I will retreat into my cave for a crying session now but first I tag @notacutewitch @wiggleinthemiddle @the-corvid-ghuleh @evapunk333 @snowstrike @miss-alys @lefttreephantom @angst-o-salad @the-silence-never-forgets and @sonofabread

[bakugou-ou]

I've been through a lot,,, Bullying, saying or doing something without realizing and losing friends, self harm (not anymore, it was in the past), just to name a few. I'm also aspergic and depressive. Recently things have been getting worse and worse for me. I was hoping you may be able to give me some headcanons for Todoroki and Tsu comforting their S/Os during a depressive spell and/or remembering bad things. Thanks xx

While I’m not on the spectrum (my niece has Aspergers, though), I have a plethora of issues, and have been through a lot of what you’ve described. I’m sorry it took me so long to get to this, I needed to step away from the blog for a bit. But, here you go, some Icy Hot Boi and Frog Bae. If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, you can always message me

Shouto Todoroki

+ depending on what it is that’s bothering his s/o, how he handles the situation changes. If they’re depressed about a very specific thing, he talks to them about their feelings, and tries to pinpoint the source of the issue. If there is no reason for it, it’s just a depressive episode with no particular cause, he spends time with them

+ if they’re comfortable with being touched while in that state, he will hold them close, stroke their hair, rub their back, and kiss them

+ if they’re not comfortable with being touched, which can sometimes happen, he will stay with them but keep his distance; he’ll make sure they’re at least drinking water and having snacks so that they’re not completely neglecting themselves. Low blood sugar and dehydration exacerbate the issue

+ he will encourage them to take a nap, and he is more than happy to nap with them if he’s asked to; sleeping is kind of like a reset button, but also provides a bit of an escape from what’s going on

+ if he can’t stay with them while they’re going through a depressive episode, he’ll leave a jacket or something behind for them to cuddle with, and he’ll message them to check up on them at regular intervals

+ if he isn’t able to be there at all, he’ll talk to them on the phone, or just sit there listening to them; if they ask him to talk about his day to distract them, he obliges

Tsuyu Asui

+ she can be rather blunt, so if a certain situation is bothering her partner, she might say something rational but not exactly helpful

+ she will do her best to comfort them, though, because she doesn’t like seeing them upset

+ will hug her partner a lot if they’re okay with it, strokes their hair as she does so

+ gives advice if it’s a situational depressive episode and assures her partner that it’ll pass, tries not to say anything other than that she loves her s/o if it’s just one of those days

+ if she can get them out of the house, she will take them somewhere with lots of fresh air and nice scenery, as she read somewhere that this can help sometimes

+ if she can’t get them out of the house, she’ll bring things like an essential oil diffuser, face masks, that sort of thing, so that she can pamper them and augment the environment a tiny bit