#sorry u have to pass my year+ long test first & if the vibes are even slightly off the answer will continue to be no

[red-dyed-sarumane]

always feel a little weird bc ik demi's used more as a modifier than as a solo label but the second half of the label is so non important to me trying to assign one never feels right. its either bi or pan functionally but it is what it is

[craftypeaceturtle]

Distanced, part 1

Summary: A group chat fic! How shall these useless students cope with daily life.

Note: This is my first attempt at anything even remotely like this! I have no idea how this will turn out so feedback is greatly appreciated! Intrulogical. 

Next part here!!

.

MESSAGES: To Remus Prince (Presentation)

Tuesday, 16:15

Hello. This is Logan Sanders from Prof. Smith’s seminar. Do you have any suggestions for how we should go about completing the upcoming assessment?

Remus Prince: who dis

I literally just stated it. Logan Sanders.

I wear the tie.

Remus Prince: OHHH

Remus Prince: Well 1stly

Remus Prince: What’s the best planet in the solar system?

Pardon?

Remus Prince: i LitERaLlY JuSt stAtED iT

That has nothing to do with anything, we just need to get through this project.

Remus Prince: if u want to work then u have to answer

Jupiter. 

Remus Prince: cool.

Remus Prince: You’ll do.

Remus Prince: My name is Remus.

I know. We did actually swap phone numbers. We in fact discussed which topic we would be doing for over fifteen minutes in the seminar. So we have indeed met. If you continue to be obnoxious then this will be a easier project. 

.

MESSAGES: To Remus Sanders (Presentation)

Tuesday, 16:22

Why did you ask that question?

 Remus Prince: I asked my brother that question and he answered earth

Remus Prince: I’ve had trust issues ever since

Roman’s favourite planet is Earth? 

 Remus Prince: HAH

Remus Prince: ye he’s an idiot

Remus Prince: I’ve gotta test everyone now.

Remus Prince: You passed btw

Remus Prince: WAIT!

Remus Prince: Do u know Ro?

Yes, he is my friend and roommate. 

Remus Prince: What was ur name again????????

You can literally scroll up and reread it. I refuse. You got into university for a reason and so you can manage my name.

Remus Prince: jk

Okay then. Do you want to discuss how we should go about creating this powerpoint?

Remus Prince: what’s there to ‘discuss’?

We can separately conduct our research however it is regrettably better to meet up in person to practise not only giving the presentation but also the construction of the presentation itself.

Remus Prince: man you just love sending essays huh

I have written out longer messages. I don’t understand the point of sending a sentence at a time and risk getting interrupted. Plus at least my texting doesn’t seem all like an assault of constant notifications. 

Remus Prince: fair

Shall we say that we should aim to get our presentation research finished by two weeks (15th). That leaves us another two weeks to construct the powerpoint, gather more research if necessary, then practise presenting. 

Remus Prince: k

GROUPCHAT: Goths, Emos, and Remus

Tuesday, 16:26

Octopussy: can I vent for a sec

Octopussy: So! I’m just sitting here. Y’know. Vibing. 

Octopussy: Then out of nowhere the nerd from my class starts messaging me about the group project that’s due a month away

Octopussy: like wtf

Octopussy: nice to know the nerd thing isn’t just appearance

Vigilant: help

Octopussy: he made a big deal about meeting up as well to do this!

Octopussy: No one in the class even cares!

Octopussy: No one is even remotely

Octopussy: Not even close

Octopussy: To thinking about that project right now!

Octopussy: We’ve got ages!

Vigilant: oh sweet jesus

Octopussy: Like! We’ve got a month!

Octopussy: AN ENTIRE MONTH

Octopussy: Like he also wants to meet up as well to practise

Octopus: Like ew.

Top-Hat-Gay: Are you done?

Octopussy: ye

Octopussy: he’s a dick

Vigilant: oh thank god

Top-Hat-Gay: Ha, as if you believe in god.

Vigilant: If it stops Re from not spamming us then I’ll believe whatever. 

Octopussy: rude

Vigilant: bitch

Top-Hat-Gay: On an actually important note, which one of you last used my nail bag?

Octopussy: me!

Octopussy: you need more green 

Top-Hat-Gay: No I fucking don’t!

Top-Hat-Gay: There was an entirely new bottle in there!

Octopussy: I said what I said.

Top-Hat-Gay: I hate you. 

Octopussy: Thank bby

Octopussy: ALSO!

Octopussy: I found out the nerd also lives with Ro.

Top-Hat-Gay: So?

Vigilant: hE’S FORBIDDEN

Top-Hat-Gay: Wait so the nerd is Logan?

Octopussy: He is!

Octopussy: not that it seems to be having any effect on Ro. he’s as dense as a brick.

Top-Hat-Gay: I saw him today going into Remy’s. 

Vigilant: Why are we even talking about him

Vigilant: Like who gives a shit.

Octopussy: dunno

Octopussy: just thought it was weird

Top-Hat-Gay: Maybe you should switch partners. Especially if he wants to meet up at some point.

Octopussy: nah

Octopussy: not worth it

Top-Hat-Gay: A teacher wouldn’t care. They only want to see good grades. They won’t mind moving stuff around for you.

Octopussy: He seems harmless. 

Vigilant: you literally called him a dick after one conversation.

Octopussy: he is a dick

Octopussy: he seems stuffy but just a nerd through and through. He’s not going to be a prick or anything.

Vigilant: This isn’t really about him. He already got you talking about you know who in your first ever conversation. Maybe you shouldn’t hang around him.

Octopussy: I just thought it was interesting

Octopussy: It doesn’t mean jack shit

Octopussy: Not everything I talk about has some grand meaning.

Octopussy: I just thought it was weird that this nerd I share my classes with also lives with my bro. 

Top-Hat-Gay: And that’s perfectly fine Re.

Octopussy: soz V

Octopussy: didn’t mean to blow up in your face

Octopussy: just annoying to feel psycho-analysed 

Vigilant: soz

Octopussy: okay! 

Octopussy: that’s proof enough!

Octopussy: we can behave to each other so ice cream plz!!!!!!!!!!!

Top-Hat-Gay: JESUS CHRIST I SAID THAT AS A JOKE LAST YEAR

Octopussy: I will eat V’s posters unless you give us reward good boy icecream

Vigilant: chocolate pls

Top-Hat-Gay: jesus do you lot know how long it takes for me to put on my cape to go shopping

Vigilant: yes

Vigilant: we are precisely aware of exactly how long it takes

Vigilant: that’s why we don’t go shopping with you

GROUPCHAT: THE FAM ILY

Tuesday, 16:38

Pat-on-the-back: Heya guys, are we all in for dinner tonight?

Logan.S: I am.

YourHopesandDreams: I will be in at 7. If you could be so compassionate to push your meal back until then, I would be truly indebted to you.

Pat-on-the-back:  Fine by me!

Logan.S: I am agreeable.

Pat-on-the-back: Also Lo! Are you finished with your work?

Logan.S: I have finished my to-do list so I am available if I’m needed. 

Pat-on-the-back: No, you’re all good! I just wanted to check. It sounded like you were doing work for like four hours straight.

Logan.S: It took three hours thank you very much. 

Logan.S: So what are we doing for dinner?

Pat-on-the-back: I was thinking lasagne! 

Pat-on-the-back: also! Don’t think I’ll notice that change in topic!

Pat-on-the-back: I thought we all agreed on two hour stretches of work with a 15 min break at least. I mean... it’s even written on our calendar! There’s no way you forgot, did you Mister! 

Logan.S: It’s fine Pat.

Logan.S: Just let it go

Logan.S: I needed to get it done

Logan.S: I don’t need to be babied. 

Logan.S: I’m taking a break now. I’m okay.

Pat-on-the-back: I know, I’m sorry. I just want to make sure. As long as you feel okay then everything’s alright! How was your work anyway?

Logan.S: Fairly ordinary actually. I had to go through some of my notes and rewrite a couple of pages then I had to organise a group project due the 2nd of March. 

Pat-on-the-back: Sounds productive!

Logan.S: Thank you.

YourHopesandDreams: Ew. Group project. Who’s your partner?

Logan.S: We are in entirely different courses, why do you think you would know them?

YourHopesandDreams: Everyone knows the drama students know everyone. 

Logan.S: I’m working with Remus.

YourHopesandDreams: You should ask to swap partners. 

Logan.S: I won’t do so unless I have a genuine reason. I’ve not had any interactions with him previously and while he did seem half-hearted and obnoxious in his messages, he seems harmless. If he messes everything around then I will but I won’t make a fuss unless I have reason to.

Pat-on-the-back: That’s fair but please make sure to tell us if he pulls anything.

YourHopesandDreams: Your loss. 

.

MESSAGES: To Nerd

Wednesday, 3:02

hey u awake

Nerd: What on earth are you doing up at 3am? 

Oh

Soz

Wrong number.

MESSAGES: To Nerd

Wednesday, 3:12

Nerd: What is your favourite planet?

wha

Nerd: I figured it would be fair to ask your test to you. For all I know you could be as uncultured as your brother.

can we not talk about him

I dunno really

I wanna say pluto because they deserve it

but I kinda like saturn best.

Nerd: Any reason why?

Just kinda interesting

Big, lots a moons, ring. 

It’s just a cool planet. 

Nerd: Fair enough.

Do you have a reason to like jupiter?

Nerd: If I’m being honest, my science teacher absolutely adored Jupiter. I don’t know why but that memory of him ranting about how cool it was just really stuck with me. I was only about 8 years old. But I found myself agreeing with him. Back then my fascination was a lot more childish. I thought it was fascinating that since Jupiter was a gas planet it hadn’t been blown away yet. I grew up from that view but the interest never left.

ew that was almost cute.

Nerd: I concur that was very unprofessional.

WAIT

WAIT

HOLD ON

Why hasn’t Jupiter blown away!?!?!?!?!??

Nerd: Excuse me?

8YR OLD YOU IS A GENUIS 

Nerd: There’s no atmosphere in space!

But there’s pressure and junk isn’t there? 

Nerd: The pressure is pulling the mass into the centre which keeps the planet whole.

Do you think we could step on Jupiter?

Nerd: I don’t know.

I thought you knew space!

Nerd: I do biology! To get into a biology degree, I did a bunch of biology based subjects! Why would I know anything about space?

I dunno.

I guess if you look like a nerd people just presume.

Nerd: I’ve personally found it’s the confidence. If you act confident enough then everyone presumes you know exactly what you’re doing and you’re in control, no matter how out of place you look. 

I’ll drink to that!

Wait, in what situation would you have learnt this!?!

Nerd: I have a bad habit of accidentally going to the wrong class and just going along with it rather than anything else. Although I should say I did fantastic in that architectural history class. But this habit has caused some awkward situations. I have also impersonated a store manager to explain why me and my friend were there when really he ran into the warehouse searching for a kitten. 

HAH

That’s brilliant

Using your nerdy powers to overthrow society.

Does this mean you’re a liar?

Nerd: I call it ‘managing life’. 

HAH

Sounds about right.

Why are you awake at this time?

Nerd: I could ask you that.

[yet-another-fan-girl9]

Make You Mine

Request: Bucky x reader where reader works as Tony's assistant/ works in the lab and is an introvert and is secretly in love with Bucky and decides to confess her feelings through a letter, and to sing a song for him through Tony's party (but being shy, tried to make a slight disguise

Warnings: language

Word Count: ~3600

A/N: Sorry this took a long time, but here it is... Thanks for the song recommendation @leniram1890 I can’t tag u for some reason :(

Your shoes squeaked on the marble floor in the Avenger’s tower lobby and your white lab coat fluttered behind you. You were fully aware of how the sound drew attention towards you and you couldn’t wait to seek shelter in an empty elevator.

Right before the doors slid shut, though, one person managed to join you. Tall, broad shoulders, and a metal arm, Bucky Barnes stood in an elevator with you and only you. You shrunk back into a corner, hugging the papers to your chest. If it were anyone else, you probably would have been fine, but you couldn’t help glancing over at Bucky every minute. Why the fuck did the tower have to be so tall?

“You don’t have to be scared of me, you know,” Bucky broke the silence and your heart jumped up to your throat.

“Oh, no, I’m not scared of you,” you sputtered. You should have stopped talking there, but of course, you didn’t. “Not in the way that you think, anyways. It’s not even you, really. It’s me. I’m just nervous about embarrassing myself because I can be awkward sometimes. Like now, so I’m just going to… stop talking. Oh, fuck me,” you muttered under your breath. 

“Take me on a date first,” Bucky chuckled. How did he hear— oh, right. He was a super-soldier with superhuman hearing.

“No, I didn’t mean— shit. Really gotta stop talking.” You stared at your feet, your face burning.

“Don’t worry about it.” He was silent for a minute. “You’re Stark’s assistant right?” You smiled softly and nodded, sticking to your words of no longer speaking. “I’ve seen you around the tower and we’ve spoken a few times.”

You wouldn’t really call passing on a message as a real conversation, but at least he remembered you. Tony had hired you as his lab assistant right out of college. It was a well-paying job and the billionaire was a great boss. In the many years you had been working for him, Tony had naturally taken the role of a father figure. You knew of Bucky and Tony’s history, so you knew your boss would have some words about your crush.

When you finally reached your floor, you didn’t know if you were relieved that your embarrassment was about to end or if you were disappointed that Bucky would leave. You walked by him and off of the elevator, turning around one last time to smile and wave at the supersoldier. 

“See you around, Bucky,” you managed to say.

“See you around, (y/n).”

The elevator doors slid shut just in time to hide the large grin that crossed your face. Bucky knew your name. You had to suppress a squeal that you knew you would never live down because Natasha was walking towards you.

Tony had hired you around the same time he had hired ‘Natalie Rushman,’ so you’ve been friends with Nat for a while. Unfortunately, it just made it easier for her to read you, and as much as you tried to play cool, she could tell something was up. You walked down the hall with her and she had the decency to wait until you made it to the lab to ask her questions.

“What happened?”

“Nothing happened.” You placed the files on your desk and sat down, discreetly slipping a hand written letter into a drawer.

“Something happened with Bucky.”

“Bucky?” you scoffed. Nat knew about your not so small crush on the metal armed supersoldier, of course. You had told her because she was your friend, but also because she would have figured it out another way.

“Yes, Bucky. You have that faraway look in your eye that you always have after a Bucky encounter. I think you two were in the elevator together.”

“Why’d you ask if you already knew?” 

“So tell me all the details.” Nat sat on the table.

“I was just in the elevator, he joined me. We were in there alone and I was awkward. The end,” you shrugged. “He knows my name, though,”

“It’s meant to be.”

“Oh, shut up.” You threw a pen at her, but the hero caught it. “Now, as much as I enjoy your company, I have to work.”

“Okay, okay.” Nat tossed your pen back to you and hopped down. “But one of these days you’re going to have to make a move. I’m getting sick of your yearning.”

“One, I’m never going to make a move and, two, I don’t fucking yearn.”

“Yes, you do.” Nat opened the lab door. “It’s exhausting.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yearning. You're a yearner. Yearny yearner.”

“Goodbye, Nat.”

She disappeared and you took a peak at a piece of paper on your desk.

🎶🎶

The lab was empty, your boss was off somewhere testing out his new suit designs so it was now or never. You took out a small drone you had been perfecting and folded up your handwritten note.

Dear Bucky,

I’m writing this because this is the only way to express the way I feel about you. I don’t think I’ll ever send this to you so you’ll never see this, but I think I love you. Damn, it feels so strange writing that. Even thinking it is weird, I’ve never felt this way before. 

You’re an amazing person and I know you sometimes doubt that, but it’s true. You are kind to everyone. Your smile lights up any room and makes my day. 

I wish I could say this to your face but I would be too scared nervous and awkward.

I just wanted to pull these words from my mind.

I love you.

~Someone Unimportant

You really wouldn’t have thought you were actually going to deliver this to Bucky, but after this morning’s events, you had a small surge of courage. Also you knew that if Nat found it, she would totally tell him.

The drone’s claw grasped the letter and you piloted it into the vents. You knew Bucky should be at training with Steve and that his room was connected to a vent outside of the lab. You kept an eye on your tablet while you guided the drone through the vents. When it reached Bucky’s room the drone slipped the paper through the grates before you directed it back to you.

You grabbed the drone out of the vent and darted back into the lab. A small laugh slipped past your lips. You felt lightheaded and your heart was racing, but there were no taking it back now.

🎶🎶

The smell of your lunch filled the kitchen. Music played from your headphones and you scrolled through your phone as you waited for the microwave to go off. A sudden tap on your shoulder caused you to spin around and rip out your earphones.

“Oh, my god, Bucky,” you gasped and placed your hand over your chest. “Don’t do that again. You scared me.”

“I thought I didn’t scare you?” Bucky asked but he had a smile on his face. It had been a day since your last encounter with him. A day since you had left the note in his room. The thought of him reading your confession made your face burn.

“You know what I mean.”

“What are you doing up here?”

“Someone broke the microwave downstairs and I have access to the upper levels because of Tony, so I just came here.”

“You should come up here more often. I like seeing you.”

“I like seeing you too,” you said slowly. Was that a stupid reply? Maybe.

“What are you listening to?” He nodded at your earphones.

“Just some music. A love song called ‘Make You Mine.’ Do you want to..?” You held out one earbud to Bucky.

He took it and you played the song. You paid close attention to his reaction at different parts. The chorus started to play and he smiled along with you. You had to stand near him, nearer than you ever had before, so that both of the earphones would stay in.

“It’s a good song,” he decided when it ended.

“I know it’s not really your vibe,” you chuckled.

“No, no I liked it.”

You were taking it as a compliment that Bucky hadn’t moved away from you yet.

“I smell food,” Clint announced when he walked into the kitchen. “What’s cooking? Oh, hey, (Y/N).”

“Hi, Clint,” you cleared your throat and stepped back.

“You know each other?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah, through Natasha.” Nat had quickly introduced you to Clint and you became friends. Nevertheless, Clint obviously didn’t know about any boy drama.

“Has she been talking your ear off?” Clint rummaged through the fridge.

“We’ve been listening to some music, but I’m surprised that she hasn’t remained true to her vow of silence.”

“Vow of silence? Man, sometimes I couldn’t get her to stop talking. Sure, she was quiet at first, but once you brought up something she was passionate about, she would just keep going.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize the microwave went off,” you cut in and grabbed your food. “Uh, I guess I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah, see you,” Bucky replied, sounding almost… forlorn?

No, that’s just your hopeful mind searching for any possibility that he could like you back. You scampered back down to the lab and tried to focus on the report you were working on. Hours later, you had only completed a page and a half.

“Knock knock,” Nat’s voice drew your attention away from the page you’ve been staring at for the last hour. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, sure.” You shut your computer and rubbed your eyes. “I can’t focus at all. I need a break.”

“That’s why I’m here.” She sat on the table, mimicking the position she was in this morning. “A little birdy told me about an encounter in the kitchen.”

“You know what? I don’t really need that break.”

“Oh, come on. I know you want to talk about it.”

“Fine,” you groaned. You paused before speaking. How much detail should you tell her? “I was microwaving my food and Bucky showed up. We listened to some music until Clint showed up.”

“And were you mad about that?”

“I guess. Not really ‘mad’ but a little disappointed. When I left I thought Bucky sounded a bit sad to see me go, but I really think it’s just my imagination.”

“Why would you think it was your imagination?”

“Stop acting like a fucking therapist.” You sank into your desk chair. “It was my imagination because I don’t want to have stupid hope.”

“Clint said he heard it too,” Nat said nonchalantly.

“That’s bullshit.”

“And why do you think it’s bullshit?” She pretended to take notes.

“Shut up. My break’s over. I need to get back to work.”

“What you need to do is confess your feelings for Bucky. You know the party Tony’s having tonight, right? Of course, you do. You’re his assistant, but anyways, I came up with the perfect plan.”

“That doesn’t sound promising,” you muttered and opened your laptop only for Natasha to slam the lid closed.

“You’re going to go to the party and by the end of the night, I guarantee that you will be with Bucky.”

“I can’t go, I don’t like parties,” you tried to protest. “I won’t have any time to get ready. It starts in an hour.”

“I’m sure Tony, your boss, would want you to go to his party.”

“I can’t go,” you repeated. “I’m sure Tony, my boss, would want me to do my work.”

“Well, you can’t work if you don’t have your computer.”

Before you could react, Nat grabbed your laptop and ran out of the lab. It barely took you a moment to register what had just happened but in that time, Nat had almost made it to the stairwell. You bolted out of the lab in a feeble attempt to catch your friend. You made it to the stairwell and looked up and down to try to find Nat.

“Up here!” she called in a sing-song voice.

You looked up to see her red hair at least two stories above you.

“Motherfucker,” you swore and began to climb up the stairs, taking two at a time. “Nat, I will literally rip your fucking guts out.”

“You can try,” her voice echoed down to you and it was followed by a door closing.

You finally arrived at a residential floor. Nat’s room was here, so you left the stairwell. Your best guess would be that she would go to her room. Someone cleared their throat and you whirled around.

“We just keep running into each other today,” Bucky chuckled.

“Oh, yeah, I suppose we do,” you stuttered.

You could only imagine what you looked like. Out of breath, hair slightly wild.

“Nat,” you explained. “Nat took my computer.”

“That makes sense. Uh, are you going to the party later?”

“Well, if Nat doesn’t return my computer, I can’t do any work, which means she’ll force me to go.”

“I can understand. Steve always makes me go. Speaking of Steve, I have to go meet up with him. I hope I see you tonight.”

“Yeah, tonight.”

You watched him leave before storming into Nat’s room. Her room was suspiciously void of your computer. She walked out of her closet with a few dresses. 

“It’s formal, right? Black tie and all that?”

“Um, yeah.” Might as well give up. You had the feeling you weren’t going to go back to work.

“I’ve created the perfect look for you. Oh, and don’t worry about timing, we’ll be fashionably late.”

“You’re insufferable,” you said but took the dress she handed you. One glance at it and you instantly knew you would not be able to wear it.

“Why not?” she asked when you told her that. “You haven’t even tried it on yet.”

“First, it’s a V neck and I cannot do V necks. Second,” you held the dress up to your body, “it’s too short.”

“Please, just try it on?”

“If those are deal breakers, try this one.”

It was a black, pleated, off the shoulder dress. The front came down to your lower thigh while the back ended past the back of your knee. You stared at it for a moment, trying to picture it on yourself.

“I’ll get the shoes that go with that.”

“But I didn’t say I chose this one.”

“Well, you have no choice now.” She sat you down and brought out her makeup. “This is my plan. Tony lets people use the mic every once in a while, so you’re going to sing.”

“That’s an instant veto on that plan,” you interrupted.

“You have a beautiful voice.” Nat powdered your face and you crinkled your nose.

“I regret telling you.”

“Do it. Do it. Do it,” she chanted.

“Nope. No singing. I honestly cannot sing in front of people. I’ll fucking throw up all over the crowd.”

“What if it’s not you?”

“What do you mean?” You narrowed your eyes at your friend while she dabbed lip gloss onto your lips.

“You know, like an alter-ego.” You began to protest but before you could say anything she continued, “Just hear me out. We get you a nice wig, and introduce you as… ‘Susan Pevensie.’”

“Seriously? Narnia?” You both rolled your eyes. “But wouldn’t that kinda defeat the purpose? I sing, what? A love song to Bucky?”

“No big dramatic change, just a wig. Maybe a bolder eye. That way, it’s not you, it’s… shit, I can’t think of a good name.”

“Hermione Granger? Katniss Everdeen?”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Fine. Just a wig and makeup, though. I don’t need to be introduced to the stage.”

“You’re going along with it?” The excitement in her voice was obvious.

“What do I have to lose? I’ve pretty much accepted defeat already.”

“No, don’t think like that. You’re going to blow everyone’s fucking socks off tonight. Now go put on the dress. Don’t ruin the makeup!”

A few minutes later you walked out, the black dress and shoes on. Nat smiled and admired her work. She had donned another dress and had somehow completed her hair and makeup. A few wigs had been laid out on the bed.

“Pic one. I’m particularly drawn to this one.” She pointed to a long, maroon wig. You nodded silently. “Are you ready?”

You took a deep breath and nodded. “I might regret this.”

“You might not. Most people won’t notice unless you really fuck it up. They’ll most likely be focused on their conversations. And if they don’t there’s the ol’ picture everyone naked trick,” she winked.

“How inspiring.” You smoothed down the dress and looked in the mirror one last time. Nat did a good job in slightly altering your appearance. “I’m ready. Let’s go.”

You walked down to the party together. It was already in full swing and you didn’t see anyone you knew. Your palms were clammy. The alcohol looked inviting but you couldn’t bring yourself to grab a drink. Who knew what you might do if you were drunk.

“Should I do it now?” you whispered to Nat.

“There’s no time like the present,” she replied before she vanished into the crowd.

“Fantastic,” you muttered under your breath. You had no other choice but to head to the stage. “H-hello, can I sing something?”

The man supervising the microphone looked at you and nonchalantly handed you the mic. “What song?”

What song? Brilliant question. What question? There was one song that instantly came to mind.

“Erm, do you have ‘Make You Mine’ by Us the Duo?”

He nodded silently and pointed you towards the stage. You walked towards the stage, tugging on your dress and fiddling with the mic. In addition to clammy hands, you were now shaking. How did you let Nat talk you into this again?

You stood in the center of the stage for a few seconds before the music began. Nat was right, people only glanced up at you before returning to their conversations. The soft strumming of the guitar began to play and you started to sing the words you knew by heart.

“If summer is for lovers, then consider me in love. I found the one, oh I found the one that I've been dreaming of.” You were still nervous and timid, matching the speed of the song. “If friends are what you're looking for, consider me a friend. But I'll break apart and take your heart before this story ends.” You looked around the room and spotted Bucky. His blue eyes locked onto yours. “This is the part where we fall in love.” You looked away as the song sped up. “Tonight I will make you mine. I will make you mine. I will make you mine. If you let me. If you let me.”

Somehow, you were able to finish the sing without fucking up. You stepped off the stage and handed the mic back to the guy. You awkwardly looked around.

“That was very nice,” a voice said behind you.

“Goddamn Bucky,” you gasped and spun around. “You’ve got to stop scaring me!”

“It’s kind of loud here, do you want to head somewhere?”

You nodded and followed him out to a balcony. The cool air felt fresh on your skin. You walked to the edge and looked over the edge, looking out at the city lights.

“Can I ask about the wig?” he smirked.

“It was Nat’s idea. Something about helping me to be less nervous.” You tugged the wig off and freed your natural hair.

“Did it help?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe?”

“Well, whatever the case, you did amazing. You have a really nice voice.”

“Thanks. I usually don’t sing publicly.”

“I also really liked the song. I’m starting to think of it as our song.”

“We have a song, huh?” you smiled up at him.

The moon was high, and the sounds of the party were muted.

“You look really beautiful.” He took a step closer.

“You don’t look too bad yourself, Sarge.”

“Thanks, but suits aren’t really my favorite thing.” He tugged on his sleeves.

“You always look good, Bucky,” the words came out as a whisper. “You have a nice smile.”

“You know, I got a letter the other day.”

“Oh, did you?” You looked away.

“Thank you for everything you’ve said.”

In a heartbeat, Bucky’s lips were on yours. His hands placed gently on your waist. You kissed him back with all the emotions you had been keeping inside you and ran your fingers through his hair.

The two of you separated for air and Bucky leaned down and rested his forehead on yours. You smiled and laughed long lightly.

“Honestly, you don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that for.”

“We can do it some more.”

You nodded and he pressed his lips to yours again. Unfortunately, you two weren’t able to get far because you were forced apart by the sound of someone clearing their throat.

“We just came to tell you how well you sang,” Clint spoke first. Behind him Nat stood with a smirk on her face. Tony stood next to her, lips pursed, thinking. “But I’ll leave you to it.”

“I told you,” Nat winked before she too turned around and went back into the party.

“So,” Tony began. “Good song.” You saw his eyes dart between you and Bucky and your close proximity to each other. Then he re-entered the building.

“He’ll come around,” you hoped out loud.

“I don’t know. He doesn’t like me.”

“He’ll come around,” you repeated. “In the meantime, do you want to get dinner?”

[randomoranges]

sometimes my life is an actual sitcom. i wish i could say i made this stuff up, but now, i legit met a guy while selling a shoe rack who came back to chat me up post sale bcs he thought i was pretty. he then proceeded to tell me a million times in one hr and has since been very over the top about being into me. as much as it’s nice to have attention u also gotta pace yourself. hes so over the top it’s ridiculous and also getting more annoying.

also never fucking send ppl semi nude photos unprompted wtf is wrong with yall.

anyways i live vicariously through teacher au and use real life shit to put the characters through the same thing. today i vibed with edward. 

this takes place before he and étienne are together

this is a blurb. i just needed to get a thought out of my system

edwards answers are legit what i wrote

the gag of all of edwards exes having names that start with c continues XD

Unsolicited

 Edward knows he technically shouldn’t, but he’s bored at work and for once, the kids are actually quietly doing their own thing. He decides against his better judgement to open Facebook and scroll aimlessly for a moment or two, while time goes on. It’ll give him a chance to see what exciting lives the rest of his friends are living and envy those who aren’t stuck at work.

 He quickly notices a red little number up on the top right corner to signal that he has one unopened conversation and for a moment, he wonders which of his friends would have messaged him. There hadn’t really been any ongoing chats at the moment, so he’s pleasantly surprised and looking forward to hearing from his friends.

 He’s only a little disappointed when he sees that it’s not from any of his friends, but instead from a guy he’d met just last Friday in the most strangest of ways. (His friend had hosted a garage sale and had asked for help. Edward had gone. He’d brought along some of his own stuff. This one man – Charles – had bought his old wooden shoe rack. Charles had chatted Edward up. They’d exchanged contact information and had more or less chatted since then. It was a strange way to meet someone – but, not the strangest.)

 Charles is – cute and they had a pleasant chat. Edward certainly hadn’t minded the attention, even if it had come from out of nowhere. He’d been looking forward to meeting up with him again, but as the days had gone on and their conversations had progressed, he’d found himself slowly losing a bit of interest over Charles’ over-eagerness.

 There were just so many times Charles could say he thought Edward was attractive in an hour before it got redundant and annoying.

 Edward was flattered Charles was interested in him, but Edward didn’t want to rush this either. He’d just gotten out of a serious relationship and with the end of the school year looming close, he had other things to deal with. Once summer break arrived, he would have more time and more energy. In the meantime, however, he didn’t need this stranger he barely knew to wax poetics and tell him he wished to wake up beside him to see how he woke up – or whatever garbage he’d been told. Edward was willing to give this a go, but he wasn’t looking to settle down and get married with Charles after knowing him for three days and it quite honestly felt as though Charles had already booked their venue at times.

 He was – over the top and intense. Edward had appreciated the fact that Charles had told him he’d found him attractive when he’d first seen him and he liked that he had actually returned to chat him up. It had been a little weird when Charles had called him his beloved and stranger still when he’d apologised from taking up his time and keeping him away from his friends when they’d talked that first time, but Edward had let it slide and had almost found it charming – in its own bizarre way.

 Now, it feels as though Charles is trying too hard, when really he doesn’t have to. Edward thought he was attractive, had even told him so and was more than willing to see where this would lead. but if However, if Charles doesn’t slow down, Edward will back out and move on. (Which reminds him – there’d been that whole other conversation where Charles had told him that he looked forward to living their lives together and that he didn’t want to lose him. To which Edward had politely told him that it would be best to get to know each other first.)

 Edward wants some fun – not some intense long-term lovey-dovey besotted nonsense. At least – not after three days of talking with the man.

 Still, he opens the conversation, curiosity, and boredom getting the best of him, and at first, it’s nice, until Charles asks him if he could have a photo. Edward lets out a long-suffering sigh and is glad his students are too busy with their work to notice.

 Charles has asked to send him a photo right now, of all things.

 Edward is so not in the mood for any of this.

 “No. I’m in class teaching. My students are taking a test.” He writes out. He doesn’t care if he comes across as annoyed, but this man is being irksome in his own infatuated way and it’s – pathetic. He likes the attention, to a degree, he enjoys feeling wanted, but Charles needs to calm down his ardours.

 He leaves it at that and doesn’t bother with Charles for the rest of the day.

 By the time Edward’s done, he heads to his car and figures he’ll check again to see if he’s gotten a new message. There is still part of him that is curious about this whole ordeal and so he’s a little bit pleased when he sees that Charles has sent him a few messages after their last chat.

 He’s less enthused when he gets to the last one.

 The first was in regards to the whole photo debacle, saying maybe next time. The second mentioned that he was going for a jog. And the last message – the kicker really, was a photo Charles had sent of himself, shirtless and thankfully from the waist up.

 And to think Edward had nearly sent him a post-work exhausted face selfie for the fun of it.

 He grumbles, puts his phone away, and figures he’ll deal with it when he gets home.

 It’s not that he necessarily minded the photo – he did find the guy attractive to a point, but – it had been unprompted. Unsolicited. He hadn’t asked for a photo. He hadn’t been expecting a shirtless photo. He wasn’t in the current mood to receive such a photo. He could have been at school on break and gotten this photo.

 He’s angry and annoyed by the time he gets home.

 Edward putters around and leaves Charles on read. It’s one thing going after sex and expecting these photos and it’s another to get them out of the blues. He lets his friends know of this debacle and relishes in their reactions. He’s glad someone gets it.

 Finally, after making dinner, playing a few rounds of video games, taking a shower, getting his lunch ready for the following day, and having a nice chat with his friends, he decides to answer Charles.

 “Even if a photo of a woman, man, or person shirtless may be nice to receive, it’s always better to send it with consent and with fair warning. Especially when you’re not expecting one and that with my work, there are often children nearby.”

 He doesn’t expect an answer so quickly, especially since it’s been five hours since the photo was sent, but Charles, true to form, answers. Edward laughs out loud when he reads how very sorry Charles is and how he genuinely thought Edward would appreciate it. Edward sighs again and groans, passing a hand through his hair.

 He tries to find a polite way of trying to get this man to understand and he’s only a little surprised by how easily the words come to him, “There’s a time and place for everything. You don’t send these types of photos willy-nilly whenever you feel like it. There’s context, time, mood, etc. Consent and fair-warning. Imagine you were sitting with your family, friends, or kids and you received such a photo without warning. You can’t assume that the person on the other side is in an appropriate setting to receive these types of messages and images without checking beforehand.”

 It’s at times like these he wishes men could be less – like this. He likes a good shirtless photo just like anyone else who’s into men, but he hates that this seems to be a norm. And at least this was only a shirtless photo! He doesn’t want to think of the number of times when he was having a nice conversation about literally anything unrelated to the human body, only to find himself with a photo of a man’s junk, completely unprompted.

 Sometimes, he almost wishes he were into women just to be spared this.

 Edward figures he’s given Charles enough etiquette lessons for the night and puts his phone away. He pulls up something decent to watch on television and does his best to forget about the incident for now. If anything, he reminds himself, he doesn’t need to commit to anything with this besotted Romeo.

 FIN

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Actually for me it's pretty weird that the most popular ship in Free! is Makoharu. I mean, they give me like zero romantic vibes, if not Rinharu I would've definitely shipped Sourin. It's the main reason I hated Sousuke when I watched 2nd season for the first time - I saw him as a threat for Rinharu (now I just don't like him that much, but I decided to let Rin has his best friend, lol). Maybe it's just me loving rivals to lovers :)

Well.. for me Free! was never that kind of anime where there are other ships, but honestly after several years of watching anime and lately discovering that people ship Wei Wuxian with Jiang Cheng I kinda lost my faith in people lol And yes, I also truly don’t get those ships, where there are zero romantic vibes, but I got used to seeing this already.

I think I’ve talked about Makoharu only once, I usually don’t do it cause as a ship it’s so illogical to me that I just don’t see the point of wasting time on this lol I feel like it’s gonna be long answer so I’ll split it and after “***” I’ll talk about my bro-rinharu-shipper Sousuke.

I’m not gonna throw a debate if it’s the most popular ship or not, but I just want to say that I don’t think that it's really called shipping Makoto and Haru, since firstly, let’s talk about Makoto as a character (which is the main problem in this whole thing tbh) cause from what I saw the Makoto the MH fandom created has nothing to do with the real Makoto. Like the dude is scared of dogs, ghosts, bees, water and I forgot what else; covers his eyes when he sees anyone even in swim trunks and gets embarrassed easier than a nun (apparently you can’t even unbutton the collar of your freaking jacket!!!!!!!!!!! oh lord!!!!!!); crumbles under everyone in this anime including Hiyori and can’t even talk back. 

And suddenly like half of this fandom thinks that Makoto is a dominant top apparently. We seriously laughed our asses off seeing that, I mean even my mom (who’s a teacher btw). I’m like... I have a sister who’s majored in psychology and I myself in literature (like I seriously promise we ain’t stupid) and we just seriously don’t understand.. In what Tarzan’s ass does he suit this description? Dude can’t even answer properly while being offended. Like maybe they like Makoto’s twin brother? Because real Makoto does not have any dangerous dark side, seriously, this ain’t “8 dogs of the east” lmao.

I appreciate their friendship at times, but I never was a fan of him, because I don’t really like people who treat everyone equally (friends and strangers) and think that some asshole deserves as much love as the closest friend. I just don’t understand this life position and don’t like those “world peace” guys anyway. I mean, that fish died moment in the books was when my brain died honestly. Like I get it, dude is sensitive, but... seriously?

And for me being kind is not really a personality. I mean, hell, sometimes it’s no good to be kind. There is a fine line between being kind and being a mop you know.

And sometimes his behavior is really cringy to me. Like during the funeral and during Haru passing out in the book and during many things that are very serious. I just don’t think he’s the person you can rely on at times. I mean at first I thought he’s a steady shoulder, but somehow in all serious situations he doesn’t do anything useful.

Like I might be in the minority here, but to me when you know very well that you panic in the ocean you don’t go there trying to save somebody, it’s not brave, it’s just plain stupid (like it’s not like the tent was far, it was fucking next to him, all he had to do is wake up a pro) so by the end we had to rescue two instead of one, just because he’s dumb af.

He also panics a lot which I really hate on people. I’m sorry but like panicking ppl are the only worst. It reminds me of one of my life situation when my sister was badly hurt and we needed to keep our heads cool to act quickly and do what was necessary asap. And I’ve seen ppl behave like Makoto in situations like this and man it’s seriously no fun, it’s annoying. Like when you need to help somebody and someone panics beside you it pisses you off. And he does it even in little things like when he yelled Haru in the ear while driving JUST BECAUSE A CAR IN FRONT OF THEM BRAKED I mean omfg I would seriously yell “shut the fuck up, you pussy!”

And it all honestly keeps getting worse and worse like the way he’s written, his behavior just buffles me so much. Makoto in s3 just murdered me tbh. Like he didn’t help with anything, he didn’t bring anything to the plot, you can just erase him, he only sat there anyways. And the way they pulled his “dream” out of his ass was just a second-hand embarrassment tbh. And he’s not even Haru’s emotional support anymore. He’s just... I don’t get it. There were literally scenes where he was third-wheeling or just forced into that looked laughable. 

Which brings me to the second point. From what I saw many of Makoharu fans are mostly Makoto fans, so they just want what’s good for him, and since he has no life goals whatsoever (like after he dropped his “I dream of making children like swimming” thingy like a hot potato and was like “training children.. but look at Rin and Haru” I really lost my last marbles watching him) they apparently don’t care for what Haru’s dream is and that he said openly that he wants a future with Rin.

Like I get that everyone has their tastes, but like what.. two people who are crazy about each other since twelve and blossomed a dream of having a future together and the thought of being with each other got them through and they finally have what they wanted.. this is not a trend anymore? Mutual romantic love is not a trend anymore? Like I even without novelization can see that (and I quote Rin word for word here) that “every time he sees Haru his heart beats so fast he can’t calm down” and quote “Haru sees Rin and he’s shaking, he closes his eyes desperately trying get rid of the image, but the pain in his chest doesn’t go away”.

I am personally very happy that Rinharu are finally together and will be doing what they wanted in their life by each other’s side, cause they’ve been dreaming about it for too long, they’ve been thinking about it for  years. So not wanting them to have that is very weird for me. And the argument that Makoto somehow better than Rin for Haru is so invalid, I always laugh. I guess it depends on what you want for yourself. But honestly like you guys better find someone who make you want to reach for the stars and make you heart skip a bit everytime you see him.

So I as a huge fan of Haru want my boy to fly and now I have all the canon proof for those who were blind that Rin is the only one (been said) who makes him feel that way. So all those anons who kept writing to me how relay with Sosuke, with Rei and what baffled me the most swimming with Ikuya was just as emotional for them can finally shut it (lmao I’m sorry).

***

Now... Sousuke, my bro, the first Rinharu shipper on the village who helped them to get together is a threat? Okay. Well, I actually like s2, there are some dumb episodes but s2 actually to me showed how rinharu relationships are different from anyone else. There are literally two whole episodes and several scenes of how the bROMANCE prevails over BROmance.

Sousuke and Rin have typical brothers relationship. From their secret handshakes “parent trap” style to the fact that they draw them exactly the same with his real brother. I mean I don’t know if anyone noticed, but in 3x11 they drew Sousuke doing the exact same teasing move with Rin, that his older brother did to him in 3x01, and it’s definitely not a coincidence. Which means he treats him like his little bro, and not just that. I have lots of proof.

You know, I had a friend back at university who had an older brother who she was very close with and she kept telling me about how he kept testing her boyfriends if they’re good enough... I mean Sousuke was doing it with Haru since Rin has told him that he has found his one and only. And it never ever looked like he was possessive of Rin and was like “he’s mine”, it was always like “he’s yours so make sure you make him happy you loser”, he even stalked Haru to see if he still swims alright which is really funny (like okay dad), so by the end of the season when Rin lovingly looks at Haru and says it was all worth it, Sousuke looks very content like he was sure that they’re all good now.

And that moment like in Yakusoku where Rin dropped Sousuke as soon as he saw Haru, I honestly don’t think it’s the kind of jealousy people think it is. It’s like if I asked my sister “do u want to see the new avengers movie” and she’d answer “sorry, I already promised to go with my boyfriend” (not that this would ever happen, but let’s imagine that she found herself her nanase) I would be fucking upset too, but I would kinda get it (if it’s a love of her life I mean). Or like literally imagine you lived with your best friend for years and suddenly she wants to move in with he boo. I mean it happens sometimes. But it’s not the jealousy really, he’s just sad because he knows that he needs to let Rin go and he won’t spend as much time with him as he did before. Sousuke knows how much Rin loves Haru, plus after he saw that Haru is as good as Rin told him, he started to like him himself so he was worried about both of them. 

And I love Sousuke, he’s our godmother. I’d rather have him on the international team than Ikuya but he sadly he doesn’t swim breaststroke or back and we only have one butterfly and one freestyle spot xD

I’m sincerely saying as a person with two siblings that I really don’t see it. It’s just there’s a huge difference between brothers and lovers. And you can’t call Harurin bros. It’s just laughable. Even if you haven’t read anything and just watched the anime.

I mean I think it’s easier to see if you try to imagine Haru in Sousuke’s place in any Sourin scene and see how it would’ve went then. Like do you remember when Sousuke asked for cola and Rin went to get one and there was only one can left so they rock-paper-scissored it and Rin won and drank it?

Now imagine if Haru was there in Sousuke’s place. I can tell you 100% that Rin would’ve just given him the can. And then he would’ve looked at him with that face he makes when he’s content just by watching Haru eat, you know.

I mean it just how I see it. And there are a lot of comparable scenes in s2 that bring me lots of evil joy, but I won’t tell lmao.

But as I said before to me there’s a huge difference between bromances and bromances. So I mostly don’t get most of these ships. I don’t understand anything in this world apparently lol but I only see Rinharu since the first time I’ve watched it, and then I’ve read everything and realized that I’m right, so I’m ok with all this xD 

[enduringsea]

( rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the kind of music they listen to! put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people! no skipping! ) / tagged by @yellowcrumpet​ ╭( ･ㅂ･)و )))

Thanks for the tag! I LOVE these things-- I don’t rlly have a playlist either though, just a mess of music files on a device I haven’t updated so I’ll be checking my YouTube history too lol. There’s a uhhh.... pattern to be found, mainly relating to Code Vein or other OCs.... which isn’t surprising ._. ;; I made it a separate post bc I knew this was going to get long and rambly with lyric snippets and crying about fictional characters, sorry :D

1. Repeat Until Death - Novo Amor don’t go / you’re half of me now / but i’m hardly stood proud / i said it, almost oh i’ve been low / but damn it i bet it don’t show / it was heaven a moment ago oh i can’t seem to let myself leave you / but i can’t breathe anymore This one gives me Loubeth vibes ok, partially bad end route ;-; While Elizabeth is a very strong person, her friends are the most prominent reason she tries to do anything at all & isn’t living day-to-day in a monotonous grind to survive without a solid purpose other than ‘help random ppl bc it’s the right thing to do’. If she loses them, it’d ruin her & hammers into her head how everything she’s ever done has been a failure. She suffered a major betrayal by her boss before the Collapse, she was unable to fully participate in proj. queen despite her incredible test results, she failed to defeat Cruz and take her blood during Operation Queenslayer, and if she fails to protect the people she’s finally found meaning with? She’d break down completely & destroy herself to save them. She’s always had some level of abandonment issues, and without her family around it’s so much worse, even if it isn’t the most obvious because she’s generally seen as very well put together-- I really can’t express how much it would hurt her to lose Louis, Yakumo, and the others. She’s just not one to show just how bad it can truly get for her mentally and emotionally-- she’s resilient as hell, she’s been through hell repeatedly and survived it all, so it’s easy for others to assume she’s fine all things considered. It makes her feel weak and ashamed of herself if she shows any level of vulnerability, so she doesn’t; she swallows it down and is afraid of disappointing those who look up to her as a fighter and friend-- of course, no one at Home Base would blame her for being vulnerable, they all have their moments, Bethy just sets herself to such a high standard it’s difficult for her to talk about her own suffering in spite of how well-versed she is in getting her thoughts and feelings across otherwise. Louis is the one most keen to how deeply she’s hurting, but he doesn’t understand just how deeply until she finally does fall apart. The final swell of the song and its desperate lyrics really relays the pain they both feel-- Louis too would not fare well if something happened to Elizabeth, because he blames himself she was even involved in Operation Queenslayer for a long time, I honestly did so bad in explaining coherently, this song just has so much emotion and hurt behind it adklfjdfdff </3

2. Looking Out For You - Joy Again this is a love song for a girl who will never know it’s about her she's beaming that smile / all the while i’m all tripped up on my own throat i guess there is no hope This song reminds me of Elizabeth & my friend’s character Takashi Fujioka, who gets-- vERY...FRIENDZONED, for lack of a better word, by Elizabeth in his story, it’s really summed up best as tragic (;﹏;) Before the Collapse they were hitting it off, then the Collapse happened, they were separated, he lost his sisters, Mido happened, he was experimented on + became a revenant, etc, etc; years have passed since then & she’s gotten her life together as much as one can in a world like Vein, but for Takashi it’s like no time has passed at all. Elizabeth is subtly older in appearance, she’s been working w Lou & Co. for a long time; Loubeth blatantly have a connection, & rather than bringing up his feelings + making it awkward bc he values their friendships, he just kinda. chokes on them & does his best to help out the team. It doesn’t help he can’t even be jealous bc Louis is a really solid friend to him too, IT’S JUST A MESS OF A SITUATION & the death of what could have been if things were different.

3. Closer - Teagan And Sara ( no lengthy explanation for this one thank goodness, I’ve just been watching BoJack Horseman again and I really like some of the songs they add in, I like listening to this one on loop when mindlessly coloring something )

4. Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo  all I did was try my best / this the kind of thanks I get? they say these are the golden years / but I wish I could disappear ego crush is so severe / god, it's brutal out here I have it on a playlist for Elizabeth somewhere, not all of it applies to her but it reflects some of her struggles she has both before & after the collapse. She’s-- always kind of been a mess while under immense pressure + has serious self image issues, this song hits that side of her well. She’s been held to humanly impossible standards by both herself and her family bc frankly? She can reach them, she’s NOT exactly human. She was born into her position as a hunter & intends to keep it for as long as she lives (like revenants, her kind is very much ‘either gets killed or lives 5ever), even if some days she really feels how heavy the burden can be. She didn’t have a normal childhood and she’s fine with it for the most part, but it alienates her from most of her peers-- she never got to date anyone, never had a close group of friends, never went to parties that weren’t formals, etc., while she feels a little childish about it, she does envy ‘normal’ and understands the pressure she’s lived under her entire life has caused damage-- she has been exploited for her abilities, there’s just not much she can do about it but to keep going, rlly.

5. Freaks - Surf Curse  don't kill me / just help me run away from everyone  i need a place to stay / where i can cover up my face don't cry / i am just a freak / i am just a freak UhhhHHH this song really makes me think of Oliver Collins :D;; thank TikTok for showing it to me. It makes me think of how scared he was, of both the world and the revenants who captured him. The song’s use of the word ‘parasites’ really makes me think of Revenants and the BOR parasites XD I’m hoping when I poke my video editor again, I can record some Oliver footage to make a short video to this song. Oliver deserves so much better, I wish you could save him, but that’s what AUs are for, hahah.... The second half of the lyrics make me think of the AU I have where he lives and has to grapple with the guilt of surviving and the things he did to other revenants to get by too.

6. All Eyes On Me - Bo Burnham you say the ocean’s rising / like i give a shit you say the whole world’s ending / honey it already did you’re not gonna slow it / heaven knows you tried got it? good / now get inside I haven’t seen the Netflix special yet but I’ve had this song on repeat since my move started. The lyrics hit too hard & resonate with my existential dread, covid exhaustion, and extreme burnout in my 20s, but bc I have Damage I can also relate it to CV ._. ‘you’re not gonna slow it, heaven knows you tried. got it? good now get inside’ makes me think of--;; the bad end route again, and Elizabeth’s desperation to keep her found family together. It’s not like her to completely stop caring about an issue, but in the moment she realizes what’s being taken from her? She doesn’t want to save all of revenant-kind if it means she’s going to wind up alone all over again, her world is effectively over if she’s forced to be alone again. The MC frenzying means the only immediately identifiable hope she had of saving everyone else is gone, so why not just go home? If they’re all doomed, she wants to at least be together for a little while longer, it’s fine if they use her blood to survive & everyone else in the mist is out of luck, it’s soul-crushing bc I’ve never had her in a situation where she’s been this reckless, despondent/hopeless, and thinking irrationally where it’d impact more than herself-- especially when she’s normally goal-oriented, organized, meticulous, so on so forth: she’s not one to act without thinking something through first, but that last breath of light just got sucker-punched out of her. All she wants is home, comfort, and family, and ultimately in the bad end route she does manage to preserve their lives, maintain the mist, and supply blood beads, but her own condition leaves her on the throne-- it’s a mix of the bad, neutral, and true ending rlly ldkfjdf BUT YEAH enough rambling on that :D;; This song’s really good and touches a lot of different thoughts and ideas both in real life and my ocs, kind of embarrassing--;; thank u bo burnham for ruining me with this beautiful song

7. Yellow - Coldplay look at the stars / look how they shine for you / and everything you do your skin / oh yeah, your skin and bones / turn in to something beautiful do you know / for you I'd bleed myself dry Does this song make me think about JackEva? Yes. Yes it does. Star / night sky symbolism? Bam. Sappy lyrics about love and finding the person you’re with absolutely mesmerizing and worth dying for? BAM. If JackEva were capable of using their own blood to save each other, I can see it-- hJNGn they just care about each other so much, Jack cries for her even though they both knew that eventually one of them would succumb to their duty, and if the roles were reversed I can see Eva doing the same, I adore them beyond human language. On my CV RP blog, my Jack’s not shippable bc-- Eva, my friend even have them looking after his nephew (an oc--) at one point. I should seriously drop some headcanons down eventually....

8. Louder Than Thunder - The Devil Wears Prada  are we meant to be empty-handed? / i know i could, i could be better i don't think i deserve it / selflessness, find your way into my heart all stars could be brighter / all hearts could be warmer 

LMFAO throwback to my middle school playlist, I’m old-- I’ve applied this song to a lot of things back in the day, but I really connect it to Loubeth now, especially Louis. Lou & Bethy are both functional idiots who are too hard on themselves & have trouble recognizing their worth beyond what they can do for others. They’re trying to be better-- to make up for what they perceived wrongs they’ve done, but it’s hard, they don’t believe they’re worthy of the love and support the other gives, but they still yearn for that sense of security. After Louis’ memories are returned, he finally understands the guilt he’s felt since he became a revenant and it really skews his self-perception; he blames himself for so many things & Elizabeth, who has always been able to kill when necessary, sets it straight-- “It’s not your fault”, and it takes Louis some time to properly absorb that message. He thinks she’s just trying to comfort him, which she is tbh, but she’s not wrong: “It’s not your fault you couldn’t kill someone. It was never your job to kill anyone.” It’s up to people like her to do those sort of things-- Elizabeth may not have been present when Cruz frenzied, but if she had been? It would have been over before it started, that’s something she has regrets over, even if nothing could have been done since she was already on the field. Actually, she’s actually really quite angry that security failed to monitor Cruz properly and has a few select words for the ones there who could have actually done something before it got out of hand-- civilians and doctors are exempt from her shtlist bc they’re not meant to be killers (so don’t worry Artorias, she’s not ready to bite your head off!), but they had to have some kinda security detail rite o-q??? They’re probably hiding from her wrath-- BUT ANYWAY, she insists she’ll never blame Louis for not being able to do something as serious as killing another person. He was a normal human being who cared about his friend, not a failure, and he couldn’t have been expected to do something that shouldn’t have fallen on his shoulders in the first place. As many times as it takes, she’ll reaffirm that it wasn’t his fault, she’s not angry, he’s always done his best and her opinion of him hasn’t changed. He’s a good person and she loves him through all the hurt, though she doesn’t drop the word ‘love’ for a long time. It just-- takes Louis a while to accept she views him as someone worthy of the love and respect she has for him. It’s kind of ironic she’s so adamant on Louis not blaming himself considering she’s the one privately blaming herself for-- wow there’s too much to unpack, she feels guilty she was even born?? im so broken over these two. I love them and yet they SUFFER... 

9. What I’ve Done - Linkin Park i'll face myself / to cross out what i’ve become erase myself / and let go of what i’ve done today this ends / i'm forgiving what i’ve done

I have Louis Amamiya brainrot and I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks that this song fits him super well & it needs to become an AMV dsjfkldsfd. I’m a near life-long Linkin Park fan and this fits with Lou so well thematically. As much as I’ve gone on about Louis’ guilt, he does steel himself to keep going forward in spite of it and make things right, for everyone. Maybe it wasn’t really his fault, but at the end of the day his inability to kill Cruz in that moment left a disaster in its wake that got a countless number of people killed-- the MC included with Karen and Aurora. He doesn’t want to run away from the truth, doesn’t want to make excuses, he wants to take responsibility for it and he’ll work himself to death if it means things will be better-- it’s both admirable he’s got a strong resolve and VERY concerning with how willing he is to die for the cause, please don’t overdo it, Lou, you’ll break mine and Bethy’s hearts ._.;; It won’t always be easy, there are moments the grief gnaws at him, but in the end he does overcome it (and uh. as in the bad ending, we know he can actually do it this time). I know we can’t see everything, but I would have loved deeper character interactions, especially with Louis with an emphasis on grieving + forgiving himself properly-- but this song really is nice with the whole ‘I’m going to face my mistakes head on, forgive myself, and keep moving forward’. It’s what Louis deserves: self forgiveness and a damn break ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

10. Call of Silence - Hiroyuki Sawano you will know you're reborn tonight / must be rough but i’ll stay by your side even if my body's bleached to the bones / i don't want go through that ever again so cry no more / oh my beloved ngl idk if those are the correct lyrics, buuuuuuut....... im a weenie and am internally weeping abt loubeth after midnight, what else is new lmfao- i’ll at least try to be brief :D I also used to really like Attack on Titan when I was in high school, I dropped the anime years ago because I was waiting for s2 and never got back to it once it started airing again, I thought I’d finish it once the anime was complete since I eventually caught up with the manga, such a good series BUT ANYWAY-- I think it’s a really pretty song and Loubeth fit with the tender lyrics. IT’S LATE, idk what to say about them other than what I’ve said already dsklfjdslf im sorry I really ramble a LOT and I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t had the chance to >w>;;

[etherealwaifgoddess]

Maybe I Am? - Chpt.2

Characters: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes

Summary: Steve takes a risk and the guys go out on a “date”. Master list HERE

Content Warning: first “date” cuteness, making out 

Word Count: 2.5k

Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! Today is one of those days where I am eternally grateful for having a “draft” option. Because honestly, ya girl is exhausted. So yay for drafts! Enjoy chapter two. I’m honestly too tired to give ya’ll a better note right now. :-\   XOXO - Ash

Chapter Two

Steeeeve [9:32:08PM]: Hey, it’s Steve.

Bucky Barnes [9:32:47PM]: hi steve

Steeeeve [9:33:15PM]: I had a lot of fun meeting up today.

Bucky Barnes [9:33:39PM]: me 2

Steve huffed staring at Bucky’s second generic response. He was usually so much more lively. Steve took a long sigh and started texting what he needed to get off his chest.

Steeeeve [9:35:21PM]: I’m sorry if I came off as confused or misleading. 

Steeeeve [9:35:26PM]: I didn’t mean to do that. But I am kind of confused right now. 

Steeeeve [9:35:35PM]: I spent so much time liking the idea of you, and you in real life was even more amazing than I could have expected. But I’ve never dated a guy before and I never expected to want to. And now I think I do. 

Steeeeve [9:35:49PM]: I’m sorry. This probably isn’t any less confusing. I’m apparently really bad at this lol. I guess what I’m trying to say is, will you go out on a maybe-date with me? I want to try and see how I feel. I don’t want to string you on, but I want to try.

Bucky stared at the flurry of texts coming into his phone. Damn, serial texter much? He read and re-read Steve texts a few times, chewing nervously his bottom lip, trying to find a response. He wasn’t willing to let his heart get trample on again, not after Brock. But he really liked Steve and if there was a chance Steve might like him too, it was too good to pass up. He had a distinct feeling he was going to regret it, but he tapped out the only honest response he could think of.

Bucky Barnes [9:44:13PM]: i like u 2 steve. i get that ur confused. lets try ur maybe-date and see how it goes? if it goes well cool, if not no hard feelings. k?

Steeeeve [9:45:20PM]: Thank you. Really, thank you for being so great about this. Can we get dinner one night this week? 

Bucky Barnes [9:45:55PM]: im free any nite but tues

Steeeeve [9:46:10PM]: I can do Friday night around 7. There’s a really great Mexican place a few blocks over from the gym if you’re willing to schelp all the way over to Park Slope. 

Bucky Barnes [9:46:31PM]: sounds good. see u then

Bucky sighed, putting his phone away into the pocket of his favorite old hoodie. He had a date. A maybe-date, but for some reason that felt good enough for him at the moment.

xxXxx

Steve discovered the best part of being able to text Bucky wasn’t just that their chatting was no longer limited to when they were both near a computer, but that they now had a full range of emojis, memes, and GIFs at their disposal. He could now send Bucky random funny things he found during the day and he felt a little proud when Bucky would send back a string of laughing emojis, knowing he had brightened the other man’s day a little. He had worried with their maybe-date looming things might be a little awkward but if anything they were going even better. By the time Friday came Steve was genuinely looking forward to their maybe-date. He had even gone out on Wednesday before his shift at the gym to pick up a set of clothes that were distinctly not gym wear. He couldn’t remember the last time he bought a button up shirt but he had to admit the blue and white checked shirt looked nice on him. He was trying not to stress over the maybe-date but he felt this gnawing need to know, definitively, if he was truly interested in Bucky, or just the fantasy of WinterBae. 

Steve raced home Friday to shower and change, hoping he’d left himself enough time to do all that and still make it over to Los Aztecas in time. Taking the time to slick back his hair and do a quick shave, Steve was hustling out the door only to realize he’d forgotten the bottle of wine once he got outside. After a fast double back for the wine he was on his way, making it to the tiny authentic Mexican restaurant with three minutes to spare. He had barely stopped walking when he saw Bucky hopping out of an uber. Steve felt a little flutter at the sight of Bucky and he took it as a good sign. 

Bucky looked amazing in his dark skinny jeans and a silky looking black shirt. A minimalist necklace was around his throat, the simple bar resting just below the wings of his collarbones. Steve noticed Bucky had swapped out the cheery beaded bracelets he’d worn on Sunday for a set of sleek silver and leather ones. He looked like he belonged on the cover of a fashion magazine and Steve felt ridiculous in what Sam had teased was his bible salesman outfit. 

“Heya.” Bucky greeted warmly, extending an arm for a half hug.

“Hey,” Steve echoed, hugging back with his free hand. “Ready for the best Mexican food of your life?” 

“Definitely, let’s go.” 

Steve led Bucky inside the little restaurant, its cozy decor making the place feel intimate instead of cramped. Steve had called ahead for reservations so they were whisked off to a table as soon as he gave the concierge his name. Bucky was looking around fascinated, taking in all the colorful decorations. 

“It’s really something, huh?” Steve prompted with a smile.

Bucky nodded in agreement, “Yeah, it’s beautiful. So much art packed into so little space. Thanks for bringing me here, Steve.” 

“It’s one of my favorite places in the area, mostly for the tacos but also for the art. I got my degree in fine art before I switched gears and went back to get certified in exercise science.” 

“That’s quite a switch.” Bucky laughed.

“Art will always be my first love, but it’s not exactly profitable. And once I got healthier I knew I wanted to help other people do the same. I was really sick as a kid and didn’t hit any major growth spurts until I was almost 21. After that, I worked out a lot getting used to my new body and fell in love with the gym.” 

“Wow. I’m glad you were able to get healthier, and it’s sweet you’re trying to give back to others with that.” 

“Do you go to a gym? I won’t be offended that it’s a competitor, I swear.”  

Bucky barked out a laugh, “No. God, no. I am perfectly happy with not having abs or a totally flat stomach as long as waffles exist.” 

Steve couldn’t help his eyes dropping to Bucky’s stomach which honestly couldn’t have had more than the smallest layer of padding across it. “That’s okay too. Waffles are pretty great.” 

The waitress stopped by to uncork their wine and drop off a basket of fresh tortilla chips and salsa verde. 

“What did you bring?” Bucky asked as he took the glass of white wine Steve had poured him.

“Albariño. A waitress here recommended it a few years ago and now it’s my go to. It’s light and crisp, and kinda citrusy? I’m not a wine snob but it’s damn good and goes really well with tacos. I hope you like white wine, I forgot to ask.” 

“I’ve yet to meet a white wine I didn’t like, so you’re safe.” Bucky sipped the wine and his eyes lit up, “Oh yeah, this is good. I’ll be hunting this down next time I go shopping.” 

“You can get it over at the little wine boutique near the farmers market in Sunset Park. They always have this kind.”

“Nice, I’ll have to check it out. My sister will love this the next time she visits.” 

The conversation flowed as the basket of tortilla chips disappeared, only ebbing when their platters arrived and they tucked into their food. Steve had ordered his usual taco platter while Bucky opted for the taquitos platter, an assortment of slow roasted meats wrapped in thin crispy shells. He let out a groan at his first bite that had Steve’s heart stuttering in his chest. The maybe-date had mostly felt like a friend-date up until that point, though Steve had to admit there was a tiny flutter of like there too. But the noise Bucky made and the expression on his face had Steve thinking anything but friends only thoughts. 

Bucky caught Steve staring at him as he licked a dribble of sauce off his bottom lip. He hadn’t gotten a distinct date-date vibe from Steve but the look on the blonde’s face was priceless. Bucky thought he probably had made a similar one the first time he saw Devon Sawa in Wild America when he was 12. He had never stood a chance of being straight after that. Testing the waters a little bit, Bucky smirked at Steve, making it abundantly clear he’d been caught staring. Steve flushed and Bucky’s smile widened. There might be hope after all.

Steve wasn’t sure if it was the wine or too many tacos but by the time dinner was over he felt glued to his seat. He hated knowing the evening was coming to an end and wanted to do something, anything, to prolong it. The waitress dropped off the sales receipt with a pen and Steve tried to steady his hand as he signed his name. He knew he needed to muster up his courage or he would be saying goodbye to Bucky in mere minutes.

“Thanks again for paying.” Bucky said after draining the last of his wine, “This was really nice.” 

“It was.” Steve agreed, seeing his chance, “You know, I have another bottle of this wine back at my place if you wanna come over for a bit. Maybe you could help me find that movie app you were telling me about for the Fire Stick?”

“Sure, I’m happy to help. I won’t say no to more of that wine either.” Bucky stamped down the hopeful cheering in his chest that Steve was inviting him over. The poor guy probably didn’t mean that anything would happen other than wine and tech help but Bucky could always dream. He would be respectful though, he resolved to himself. He’d never dated a guy who was questioning his sexuality before and Bucky didn’t want to push too far too soon. Bucky figured it was best to let Steve set the pace and just hope his heart didn’t get run over in the process. 

Steve’s apartment was only four blocks from the restaurant, a second floor walk up in an old converted brownstone. It was nicer than Bucky’s little hole in the wall apartment and even had a small second bedroom that Steve had set up as a home office. After giving Bucky a quick tour, he led them to the kitchen to pull another bottle of Albariño out of his cabinet. Passing a stemless glass to Bucky, he poured them both a generous amount of wine which they carried out to the living room so Bucky could show Steve the app he’d mentioned during dinner. A few clicks and a quick download later, Steve had access to a ridiculous amount of free movies. 

“This is so great.” Steve praised, clicking through the different options. “Oh I love this one!”

“Hm?” Bucky looked up from his glass to see Steve hovering over 10 Things I Hate About You. “Oh that one is great. I remember wanting to be Patrick Verona when I grew up after seeing that.” 

Steve gave an amused side eyed look at Bucky. “I think you did a decent job.” he teased, throwing on the movie out of sheer impulse.

Bucky laughed, “You’re sweet. But god knows I’ll never be that smooth.” 

“You’re better off than me. I’ve been told I’m hopeless on more than one occasion.” 

“You hold your own, Rogers.” Bucky assured him, reaching over to take Steve’s hand in his, stroking the pad of his thumb over the ridges of Steve’s knuckles. 

Steve blinked slowly, looking from their joined hands up to Bucky’s face. It felt good, that fluttery feeling stirring in his gut at the contact. He gave Bucky a smile and squeezed his hand gently, making sure his consent was clear.

The movie rolled and they sipped their wine as Patrick did his best to woo Kat. Bucky slowly nudged closer to Steve until he was pressed against his side, his head leaning against Steve’s shoulder. He was warm and comfortable and completely unwilling to move by the time Letters to Cleo played into the credits. 

“I can’t believe it’s after eleven already.” Steve yawned. 

Bucky yawned next, set off by Steve’s. “Same. I had a really good night, Steve.” He looked up curiously, wondering if Steve had found any new revelations on their maybe-date. 

“Me too. This was… really nice. Hey, um, I know this was a maybe-date, but maybe um…”

Bucky shifted so he could sit up taller and face Steve while he fumbled for words.

“I, um, I’d really like to kiss you right now.” Steve blurted out, looking equal parts excited and terrified. 

Bucky’s smile was like the sun. “Okay, yeah.” Bucky reached out to cup Steve’s cheek, going agonizingly slow to give Steve a chance to bolt if he needed it. He leaned up a little and Steve craned his neck down, tentatively meeting Bucky’s lips with his own. 

A soft press, a pause, another soft press, and then the kiss deepened, Bucky’s lips parting to slot Steve’s with his. Steve let out a choked off moan, unable to believe what he was doing and how good it felt. He let a hand rake through Bucky’s hair and it only made him want to feel more of the silky locks. The scent of cedar and teak from his cologne filled Steve’s nose and though it was very distinctly male, Steve couldn’t get enough of it. It was so much more than he could have expected but also not nearly enough. He was breathing raggedly when he finally pulled back, repressing a shudder at the well kissed expression on Bucky’s face. His full bottom lip was shining and red, his eyes heavy lidded and his chest heaving just as much as Steve’s. 

“Whoa.” Steve finally breathed out in amazement.

“Yeah, whoa.” Bucky agreed. “So does this help in sorting out if this was a date-date?”

“I think it was definitely a date-date.” 

“I’m glad. And do you think you’d want to try another date sometime?”

“When are you free next?” Steve chuckled, only half kidding. 

“Easy there, pal.” Bucky warned lightly, patting Steve’s ridiculously broad chest. “We’ll find a day again soon.” 

Steve nodded, knowing Bucky was right for wanting to take things slow. He led Bucky over to the door, giving him one last quick kiss goodbye before the brunette headed out into the early summer night. Steve was still floored by his own reactions to Bucky but it felt so right that he couldn’t agonize over it for long. 

[47pictures]

“Sedona”

Road trips were always fun, even if I didn’t get to go on a lot of them. I was invited to tag along for a visit to Sedona, Arizona, along with three other people - my younger sister Janice (19), Kenneth (25), and Matt (27). I was 23-years-old and a recent college graduate. For now, there was a little free time while I applied and waited to hear back from several employers.

Kenneth and Matt were doing this for their new ‘horror’ podcast, where they covered a variety of creepy, unexplained stories and phenomena around the world. Typical things you’d expect from an amateur horror podcaster. Several of the listeners recommended they cover the topic of certain ‘hot spots’ or zones that seem to harbor paranormal and downright strange activity. So to suffice, they decided to pay the city of Sedona a visit themselves, since they were adventurous like that.

The area had a reputation for being what’s known as a ‘spiritual vortex,’ a zone where people seem to be at a sense of peace, calming, and thought to bring healing capabilities to whoever stands in it long enough.

So why use it as the topic of a horror podcast? Well, it’s also known to be the sightings of many UFOs and other paranormal events from time to time that can’t quite be explained. Supposedly, there are other ‘zones’ like this in the world. Skinwalker Ranch in Utah. Taos, New Mexico. Aokigahara forest in Japan. The Bermuda Triangle. They all have the same thing in common.

Energy. Lots of peculiar energy compared to the rest of the world. Matt and Kenneth, being the urban explorers that they were, wanted to nosedive right into the heart of Sedona’s vortexes. The main one we planned on hitting first was Bell Rock, a large butte with one helluva peak that gives a panoramic view to die for.

Usually, I’d say fuck no to things like this, but then Janice agreed to tag along. As a matter of fact, she agreed without hesitation, as she was more adventurous than I was, always getting into things, in both a good and bad way. She also got into more trouble than I did. It was just me and her growing up, and you can imagine how much blame I’d get for when something unfortunate would happen to her. She was 100-percent on board, and even wanted to hike some of the trails with the two guys while she insisted I could stay in the van if I wanted.

Nope.

I knew Kenneth and Matt well enough to assume they were good people, truly, but older sibling instincts refused to let her go by herself with two older men. Even if I was overthinking it, that just wasn’t something I could afford to risk.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I knew of van dwellers and people who’d put a lot of effort into making their home on wheels look and feel like an actual home, but damn, Matt and Kenneth weren’t playing around. It was a high-top conversion van with more room than you’d expect from the outside looking in.

They fit a couch, beanbag, tabletop and chair, computer, mini-fridge, sink, mini-oven, and stovetop all in such a compact yet roomy living space. It was also decorated with various stickers and posters, and the floral pattern curtains paired nicely with the brown wooden interior of the walls.

What really set the mood, though, were the strands of LED lights taped around the corners and along the walls, each circuit lit in a combination of colors ranging from red, blue, green, and yellow, making it look like Christmas.

Janice and I were inside the back, sorting through our things and getting settled in.

“I’m glad you decided to come along,” she mentioned.

“What, you thought I was just gonna let you go by yourself?” I remarked.

“You know I’m an adult now, right?”

“Yes, and you’re still naive.”

She rolled her eyes at me.

“Think about it, me leaving you with two grown men?” I added.

“Um, have you seen the two of them?” Janice retorted. “Like, I’m just saying, I think even you could take them by yourself. Hell, even Mama could.”

“That’s because Mama can actually fight.”

“I can fight,” she argued, sounding offended.

“Eh, you talk a good talk.”

She scoffed. “Whatever, you know I can scrap when I need to.”

“Suuure.”

She hit me on the shoulder, as I teasingly smiled.

Then Kenneth came into the back where we were.

“Got everything?” he asked both of us.

“Yeah, think so,” Janice said.

“Sorry there’s not another bed for you to sleep in, Joe,” he said to me.

“Oh that’s okay, Janice will be perfectly fine on the beanbag in the corner,” I dryly humored.

“Ha-ha,” she remarked.

In one hand, Kenneth held two walkie-talkies by their antennas and raised them.

“Brought some two-way radios, just ‘cause,” said. “In case we feel like playing around or testing other points at the summit and other spots.”

“Ooh, sounds fun,” Janice sounded pleased. She then took note of the thing in his other hand. “What’s that?”

“Oh, this?” Kenneth said, raising the device for us to see.

It was a small wooden contraption in the shape of a triangle and what looked like a gemstone tied to the end of a string.

“It’s a pendulum,” he noted.

“What’s it for?” she asked.

He then walked over to the tabletop and placed the pendulum on its legs to stand freely, as the gemstone now began to swivel left and right on a single axis from the string.

“Well,” he started, “They say when you’re near a site that’s full of paranormal or high amounts of energy, the pendulum’s supposed to swing nearer in that direction or whatever.”

“Who’s they?” Janice remarked.

Kenneth looked at her then shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said frankly.

Janice laughed amusedly.

“Apparently, that’s what it does,” Kenneth went on.

“What kind of rock is that?” she pointed.

“Oh, that’s amethyst. Supposedly it wards off bad spirits, so, you know, probably a good idea to have it around while we’re camping out there.”

“I thought the vortexes harbor good energy only?”

“They do, but, you never know.”

You never know…

“Oh that’s okay,” Janice said as she clasped her hands on my shoulder. “Joe here will protect us, because our grandmother said he’s special,” she said in a mocking tone and a big smile.

Janice then walked out of the van.

“O… kay,” Kenneth replied.

But I knew exactly what she was referring to.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

We made a rest stop at a gas station seemingly in the middle of nowhere. No big-name shop like Shell or Texaco, but a compact blue wooden exterior structure with two gas pumps that look something straight out of the 70s. They did, however, have a good selection of snacks and drinks on par with a 7-Eleven.

Everyone used the restroom and got something of nourishment at the least. I decided to grab a water and head back to the van before everyone else so that I could light and smoke a cigarette (or ‘cancer stick,’ as Janice referred to them as). Soon after, Matt followed, while Janice and Kenneth were still in the station looking for something to buy, or probably laughing and bullshitting. Those two, I swear. They shouldn’t shut up the whole drive.

Matt and I sat along the edge at the back of the van with the door open. From where we parked, the view of a wide range of mountains and desert terrain was ethereal, something I wasn’t used to from North Florida.

“Those two are something, aren’t they?” Matt said as he cracked open his Red Bull.

“Hmm,” I scoffed, taking a hit of my cigarette.

“He is on the older tip, though, so…”

“I don’t care who she sees, if that’s what it is,” I responded. “Kenneth’s all right, I think.”

“No bad vibes from him?”

I shook my head. “Nope,” then took another hit.

“No bad vibes from me?”

I turned to him and glared into his eyes. The intention was to make him uncomfortable. My humor was dry like that. After a few seconds, I backed off.

“No,” I said.

Matt chuckled. “That’s good to know,” he said.

“At least I don’t think so.”

“Would you have tagged along if you thought otherwise?”

I shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. Janice tagged along, so I did.”

“And if she didn’t?”

“If she didn’t what?”

“If she didn’t decide to come along, would you have still?”

I took another hit from my cigarette, taking in and exhaling the menthol, thinking of how nicely to put this.

“Honestly, probably not,” I answered. It was really definitely not, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

“At least you’re honest,” Matt noted.

I shook my head. “It’s nothing against you or Kenneth or your guys’ podcast. It’s just… I don’t like to play with energies like that.”

Matt furrowed his brow. “Energies?”

I nodded. “The vortex?”

“But it’s supposed to be peaceful. You know, a ‘positive’ energy.”

“Yeah, it may be peaceful for some, hell, even most. But for others… you just never know.”

Matt paused, tapping his foot on the ground, then took a sip of his drink. After a while, he spoke again.

“Have you had bad experiences before?” he asked.

I looked at him. “No,” I answered.

“You believe in… possession? Or being overtaken by another force?”

“I believe in protecting your aura. At all times. Like you would your own life.” Matt nodded with content. “My grandmother, before she passed, told me when I was younger that me and a few other people in the family had ‘the gift.’”

“The gift?” Matt said.

“Like a… not necessarily psychic or anything like that, but that me and the others were just more… sensitive to certain energies. Vibrational frequencies, they say.” I shrugged. “I don’t know how true it all actually is, though. I don’t believe in absolutes. Angels, demons, gods, divine intervention. But that grey area always tests my faith every now and then…”

Then I saw the look in Matt’s eyes. Maybe he was wary or maybe he was regretting me coming along. Wasn’t too sure.

“Does Janice have the gift, too?” he asked.

“My grandmother says no,” I answered. “Then again, she never seemed to take a liking to Janice, for whatever reason. She seemed to cherish me more. I’m not surprised Janice is the way she is.”

“How’s that?”

“Just… free-spirited. Unhinged. Spiritual. Into yoga. Trying to find an inner peace and being one with the universe. Stuff like that. I see it as a way of compensating for our grandmother’s indifference. Basically a ‘fuck you’ to her.”

“Wow. What do you think might happen if you get near the vortex?” he asked.

I slowly shook my head. “I have no idea.“

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

We hit the road again. About another 4 hours before we’d make it to Bell Rock. Janice and I played cards for a bit, chit-chatted here and there, and Kenneth, Matt, and I rotated between taking turns driving the van.

Eventually, we made it to the first stop, and found a good spot to camp out not too far from Bell Rock, according to Matt. We decided to take a short hike around the area, take some pictures and vlogs, etc.

Sedona is in a league of its own, I thought to myself. It didn’t seem quite like the typical American city I was used to. It was akin to stepping on Mars. Rock, sand, mountains, complemented with patches of grass and cacti. It felt like I was in another world entirely.

As we walked, I took note of a tall saguaro cactus surrounded by other shorter cacti and flowers. I told Janice it’d be a nice backdrop for a photo shoot. I had the good camera while she just had her phone.

She stood next to the tall plant - taller than her - and she began to strike various silly and some very Instagram-worthy poses.

“I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. Photographer,” she played around.

“My, my, madame, you’ve gotten fat,” I teased in a heavy French accent.

“Oh please!”

She really wasn’t fat in the slightest, I just liked to mess with her from time to time. She definitely was in better shape than the rest of us. I couldn’t knock her for that.

As I snapped various pictures of her, taking different angles, poses, trying to get better lighting, I got down on one knee, pointing the lens at just the right angle, finding the perfect shot.

“That’s money right there,” I commented.

“Well shit, watcha waitin’ for?” Janice exclaimed, holding her smile.

But before I could snap the photo, a loud ringing noise emerged in both of my ears. It crescendoed, then lowered, then raised in volume again, a pulsating sort of sensation. Regardless, the sound was distracting and unusual. Were my ears ringing? Probably, but they never rang like this.

“Joe?” Janice said impatiently.

I lowered the camera, where she could now see my face was disgruntled.

“You okay?” she asked, concerned.

I stood up. “Do you hear that?” I said.

“Hear what?”

“That sound. That ringing.”

She looked puzzled. “No…”

I turned my head in every which way across the desert, unsure of what I would even be looking for until suddenly, it stopped. The ringing was gone, and it fell silent. Only thing I could hear was the slight breeze of wind.

“Are you fucking with me?” she said.

“What? No, why would I be?” I said, seriously. I messed with her a lot, but not like that. Never pranked her once in her entire life.

She chuckled and walked past me to catch up with the other two, patting me on the shoulder as she did so. “Never mind, ‘gifted one.’”

I stood there for a moment. I didn’t understand what the heck just happened, but decided to brush it off and keep on moving down the trail.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I don’t remember how long I’d been asleep, but I woke up and found myself alone in the van. It was nighttime outside. Worried, I quickly got up and looked outside the window to check and see if maybe they were in the front.

Nobody.

I went out and saw that we were parked atop a sandy hill. They’d set up a small camp of some sort with three pull-out chairs and a large mat laid flat, which I already knew was Janice’s yoga mat. In the distance, I saw the three of them down about 23 yards away walking towards a mountain top. Could that be it? The vortex? I thought I told this chick not to leave without me, especially once they started the hike.

I saw Janice turn back to look, and she noticed me.

“Joe!” she called to me. I shook my head. “Come on! We’re gonna take some videos of the vortex!”

I thought about it. Really thought about it. At this point, I just decided F it. Something told me that she’d be all right. After my many objections to Janice going by herself with the two, finally, my intuition spoke to me. My gut never lies, so I knew I could trust it. Only this one time, though.

"I’m good,” I declined. “Go on without me.”

“You sure, bro?” Kenneth asked.

“I’ll stay behind and watch the van.”

“Ah, no one’s gonna steal it.”

I cocked my brow. “You sure about that? It’s a nice van.”

“Nobody’s gonna steal that junk.”

Matt hit him on the shoulder. “Fuck you,” he said, and Kenneth laughed.

I turned and started walking back towards the van.

“Whatever,” Janice spoke. “But you’re coming to take pictures with me when the sun comes up, ya hear?”

I raised my hand and gave her a firm thumbs up.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I laid on the comfy bed in the van with my noise-canceling headphones over my ears as I listened to music. The inside Christmas lights kept the area illuminated. Through the window, the night sky bathed in stars of various different shapes. I recognized the Sagittarius constellation, just aside from Gemini, but couldn’t make out much more from this view.

Abruptly, my ears began to ring again. The same one from before. It grew louder in pitch the more I listened. So loud to the point where I couldn’t even hear the music anymore. I removed my headphones and scratched and rubbed against my ears, wincing at the sound. The noise wasn’t exactly painful, but grew noticeably more discomforting.

I got up to look around, to see if maybe there was a device inside that might be the source of the noise, but it was hard to tell the direction from which it came. I checked the walkie-talkie to see if that could be it, but pressing it to my ear, I still heard the sound radiating from elsewhere.

I stopped for a moment to listen, and when I did, I realized it wasn’t exactly a ring, but more in resemblance to a hum. Crossing the line between the stroke of a chord of an instrument… or the audible sound of something else entirely that I couldn’t decipher at the moment.

Just as suddenly as the humming initiated, it ceased at once. The van fell silent. Dead silent.

I stepped outside again, finding it unusual that the same volume from within the vehicle matched the desert. Pure silence. It was almost distracting to all five of my senses. My body was confused.

I saw the three of them in the distance still, nearing the vortex, about to reach the edge any minute now to begin their ascent.

I decided to sit in one of the foldout chairs in front of the van and light a 'cancer stick.’ I gazed at the night sky where I could now see the full layout of the celestial bodies above. Breathtaking, needless to say. Out here where there were no city lights, the entire display of stars and constellations were there for us to take in. If anything, this was worth the long trip.

The pendulum sat just beyond where myself and the other chairs stood, in place of where I figured a campfire should’ve been. I was surprised to see that it swiveled just barely left and right.

“Hmm,” I laughed internally, taking another drag from my cigarette.

As I sat and smoked, I noticed that not only was there no noise, but likewise, even so much as a tiny breeze was nonexistent. I had no sensation of the air around me, no feel for any particular temperature, neither hot nor cold, dry or damp. It was as if I were sitting in a vacuum. How was the pendulum moving, now that I think about it? Couldn’t do that without the wind, right?

I took note of the smoke as I exhaled, following its trail. Bizarrely, the smoke didn’t merely dissolve into the air, but shot in a clear pathway upwards in a stream, curving inward in the direction south of me. Yet still, I felt no wind blowing in that direction. No wind whatsoever.

The humming resumed. Thrown off, the hairs on my neck raised at the abrupt return.

I could hear it clearly and audibly as I did in the van like it was right next to me. I looked around again to see if there was any possible direction for the sound to be emitting from again, but it was still very hard to tell. It was so strange.

When I looked down at the pendulum again, I grew wide-eyed.

The crystal stopped swinging entirely, and instead was pulled completely in one direction, suspended in an impossibly still state. I thought my eyes were deceiving me, but I went over and kneeled to get a closer look, and saw that it did seem to be pulled at one clear angle, as though it were attracted to an invisible force - or a magnetic field of sorts.

I turned to face the direction the crystal was, which pointed directly to the van, and was taken aback by the lights inside. They each began to flash in a sequence that made it appear as though they were looping in a complete circle inside - a phi phenomenon. All of the colors - red, blue, yellow, green - alternated and moved down the line of each circuit one by one.

Could they do that? I hadn’t played with the settings or seen Matt show us any other sorts of tricks and sequences it could perform. Either way, how could they just do that by themselves? Did he set it from his phone? Impossible, I thought. They were way too far away for the Bluetooth to even work. Even still, it wouldn’t make sense for him to do so.

I turned to face the three in the distance again, seeing that they were now starting the climb up the rock. It was right then and there that I noticed something very particular about the structure as a whole. It had twin peaks at the summit, identical in shape, almost like cone pyramids, as the base took the form of a rocky pyramid. There also was hardly anything surrounding the vicinity. No grass, cacti, anything. Only barren desert and rock. Around where we parked and set up our camping site only lie a few remnants of any sort of vegetation. Then I knew…

We weren’t at Bell Rock at all. This was the wrong spot.

I looked back down at the pendulum, and to my shock, it was now pointed downwards at full rest. Not even swinging. I turned to face the van and saw that the lights were now completely off. My eyes narrowed. I put out my cigarette, dropping it to the ground and stomping out the bud.

Hopefully at least one of the walkie-talkies Kenneth brought was in the van. I opened the door to the back and entered, shutting it behind me. It was too dark now with the lights off, so I used my phone flashlight to search for it. Bingo, one was sitting on the table, and I grabbed and pressed the push-to-talk button.

“Janice, can you hear me?” I spoke.

I waited a moment for a response. Nothing. I pressed it again.

“Janice, can you hear me?” I said loudly and clearly.

A few moments passed. Then her voice sounded from the other end, readable but very staticky.

“What’s up, chickenbutt?” she said back.

I rolled my eyes. “Hey, I don’t think we’re at the right spot.”

“Whatcha mean?”

“I mean, I don’t think this is Bell Rock.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Just look at the peak. It’s nothing like it. It’s not even shaped like it.”

“But Joe, I feel it. Like, we haven’t even reached the top yet, but I swear, I feel its energy, Joe. It’s real. It’s… it’s alive. It’s beautiful.”

I’m sure there was no doubt about it. I’m glad that whatever energy she was taking in felt good on her end, but whatever energy that began to overtake what now surrounded the campsite didn’t match hers. It felt wrong. I knew something wasn’t right. Something felt off…

“We’ve been climbing and… so f… ar it’s… been… ve… er… y…”

She was breaking up badly, as more static overpowered her transmission. Were they too far? I don’t know, but the reach should’ve been well within good range from where we were from each other.

“Janice?” I transmitted.

No answer.

Screw this. I reached for my phone in my pocket and decided to just call her instead. I waited as it dialed, putting the phone on speaker. Lo and behold, I heard her phone ring from inside the van. She left it behind.

“Fucking idiot,” I muttered.

I hung up the phone and dialed for Matt, when suddenly another transmission came through the radio.

It wasn’t Janice’s voice.

Under a heavy load of static, the hum faintly emerged.

In the corner of my eye, further from me towards the sink, a single red light remained on. It was the only thing illuminated inside the van. Then it shut off, but was quickly replaced by the one next to it, giving the illusion that the light was moving. It did the same thing again, inching closer towards my direction, as though it had a life of its own. As it inched over, the hum grew more and more resonant, feeling closer.

The single red orb trailed down the string of circuits until eventually, it was right across from me from where I stood. The light remained for a moment, burning brightly as I locked eyes on it.

And just like that, the humming ceased again, and the light suddenly died, fading to black.

In the blink of an eye, red lights filled every circuit along the van, a crimson luminescence engulfing the interior around me. Startled, I quickly tried to push the button again to call the others, but a loud error beep kept emitting along with a red light on the radio, letting me know that someone else was currently using the channel. I heard nothing, though.

Then the lights rapidly strobed in quick bursts of terrifyingly disorienting red flashes, as the humming returned louder than before, like the unified chant of hundreds of people around me.

Panicked now, I darted out of there and stood at the edge of the hill, waving my arms to get the three’s attention.

“Janice!” I called.

Curious, I looked at the pendulum again, seeing that it was now swaying side-to-side in a frantic motion, going haywire.

I glanced at the three turning back to face my direction. I doubt we’d be able to hear exactly what the other was saying. From what I could make out, Janice pulled out her binoculars. As she did so, I began motioning with hand signals for them to call it off.

I then jumped at the sound of Janice’s bloodcurdling scream across the distance.

I turned to the van. The red lights continued to emit for a moment, only for all but two of them to remain. From where I stood, they were positioned in a way that looked as though it were two glaring eyes peering directly at me.

Fearful, I slowly stepped back, eyes still fixated on the ones now staring at me. The amplitude of the lights began to grow, and diagonal lines curved inward from the glare, like the deadly eyes of a viper. I knew I didn’t have astigmatism. What I was seeing was unreal.

Janice’s voice transmitted through the radio again, clearer more than ever this time.

“Joe! Just run! If you can hear me, just run!”

I wasn’t paying attention as I kept stepping away, as the incline became too steep from where I stepped off. Before I knew it, I tripped and started to fall backwards, rolling violently down the hill.

Once I’d managed to stop myself, I forced myself up and turned to look behind at the van again. Those eyes… they kept staring into my soul. They were captivating and enticing. But I knew that if I stood there, I probably wouldn’t make it…

I ran towards my sister and the other two, as I saw the three of them were now climbing back down and racing my way also. I ran faster than I ever had before. I don’t know what was back there or what energy was inside the van, but I refused to look again for another second as I kept running towards the three of them.

When I finally reached them, Janice ran to me and tightly hugged me, squeezing the air from my lungs.

“Thank you, God,” she cried. “Oh, thank you.”

“What the hell happened?” Kenneth said.

I shook my head frantically. “I-I don’t know.”

“Did you see something?” Matt asked Janice.

She didn’t answer either one of them. She instead kept hugging me tightly, relieved that I was okay. And to think I was more worried about her.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

We decided that it was time to go, and hit the road again very shortly after. Janice and I just wanted to get the hell out of there, and undoubtedly, so did Matt and Kenneth after us causing such a commotion. We contemplated whether we should keep on going with the trip and try to make it to the real Bell Rock, but it was still undecided. At this point, we had enough adventure, and likewise, Matt and Kenneth enough spooks for their podcast for sure.

After some time on the road again, we’d both calmed down, and Janice finally let up the nerve to talk.

“You scared me back there,” I said.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“Don’t be. I think you might’ve saved my life. I don’t know how, but I just feel it.”

Janice stirred, nervously rubbed her arm. It was what she always did when she was troubled by something.

“Why’d you scream?” I asked.

She grew fearful again. I didn’t know if she would even tell, her mouth opening, then closing, then opening again, until finally mustering the courage to speak.

“Back at the butte, when we were climbing and you called to me, I looked through the binoculars and saw something in the van behind you.”

Chills waved throughout my body.

“The lights kept alternating and moving in a weird circle in the van,” she continued. “Matt said that they were supposed to do that. They were all supposed to just stay whatever color they were. And then they turned solid red… and then I saw a figure in the van. Like, a silhouette of someone… or something. It was peaking back at you. Back at me, too, I think.”

“Jesus…” I muttered.

“The lights just blinked and then it was fucking gone. Whatever it was, it just disappeared. I know I’m not crazy, Joe. I know what I saw.”

I now realized the answer to Matt’s question earlier when I told him about my grandmother’s premonition about me, and as to whether Janice shared the same power that the others in the family also held. The answer was yes. She had the gift. I could only hear it, but she could see it. Whatever presence was near me in the van the whole time, she was fully conscious that it was there.

“I believe you,” I assured.

[elcisa-blog]

hello hello yall, it’s your gal ronnie with a second muse!! this is my honey eloisa and i have so many ideas for her and i’m so excited to bring her to life since i’ve been dying to play her properly for so long, so PLease feel free to come plot w/ us ok ? OK ! anyway, her full bio can be found here if you feel so inclined, but it’s a bit long, so i’ll have a couple points under the cut summarizing it. also under the cut are some wanted connections ! that’s pretty much it for now, k byE

that’s not EMILY RATAJKOWSKI walking around?? nah, but ELOISA GOMOLKA gets that all the time. SHE’S actually from TORQUAY, ENGLAND, though they live in LA JOLLA now.  you’ve probably heard that 23 year old SERVER of CALIFORNIA PIZZA KITCHEN being referred to as the ZEALOT of this place. you know, i always see them EXPLORING AND TRAVELING or blasting A LITTLE DEATH BY THE NEIGHBOURHOOD on their lunch break..whatever.

alright so my baby was born and raised in torquay, england to a pretty religious, polish family. her father is polish and her mother is english, but their lifestyle and culture at home was very much polish based

also her actual birth name is katarzyna eloisa gomolka, but growing up in england, many people had a hard time pronouncing her first name so her friends & classmates and all that often called her by her middle name instead -- eloisa. so it eventually stuck and she legally changed around her first & middle names. ..  . 

this girl loves loves loves learning languages and studying other cultures and lifestyles , like in school , she was always that girl that took as many foreign language classes as she could. she knows the basics to a bunch of different languages but she’s fluent in english, polish, french, and spanish. 

also shes WILD ok . . . like her own weird brand of wild. she’s so Unexpected .. . its strange. but i love her sm. she’s loud, opinionated, stubborn, unpredictable, SUPER adventurous, you name it. she’s either laughing her ass off with childish excitement or spewing fire From her mouth, knowing NO boundaries . . there’s no in between like . . . shes so random, all over the place and all in your face most of the time im sorry . . . & when she loves u she clingy

anyway she also used to play the violin and horseback ride a lot growing up. her grandpa from her moms side taught her how to ride horses and she loved going to his farm in the english countryside to ride & hear his wise stories and all that. he was like her hero.

however, one day, right before eloisa was about to start her last year of high school  . . . long story short . . . there was an accident and grandpa passed away *cries* .  . . el took his death super hard since they were so close . . which caused her to get less enthusiastic about going to college and she just lost all interest at caring at all tbh, becoming more of a troublemaker at school, so her grades dropped her last year and so did all her aspirations for her future

after high school, instead of enrolling in postsecondary, she just wanted to get away from it all so she decided to trust in her adventurous side and partake in a work abroad program where she would be backpacking across south america, teaching english and helping build up communities. she did that until she was twenty-one. it was a Wild ride

in the midst of the program, while in colombia, she got involved w/ some sketchy dude who was in the drugs and car stealing business  . . . she loved the thrill & she thought she was so in love BUt he was super gross and toxic and ended up betraying her, stealing her money, and leaving her on the side of the road one night on one of his heists. aNYWAY it sucked

she finished the program and then decided to work for the work abroad program’s headquarters, which are situated in california. . . so thats how she got to san diego

eventually her position there terminated but she decided to stay in cali bc its very much her type of vibe SO now shes working at fashion valley & thats where yall come in 

SOME WANTED CONNECTIONS 

OPPOSITES ATTRACT -- cheesy name but i think it’d be cool for her to have a pal who’s kind of the complete or near opposite of her but they kind of work ? ? like honestly this girl can TALK and ramble on for so long about random shit, so i think it’d be an interesting dynamic for her to have someone who just lets her Go Off and they just like to listen to her talk and she just likes having someone to listen to her . . . inspo is from this pic right HERE

EAT THIS --  while in south america, el kind of developed a huge respect and love for cuisine and cooking so now shes kind of obsessed with searching up random, exotic recipes and trying them out. sometimes her cooking backfires and is not the greatest but shes so determined to get things right and just loves Doing it so much that she doesnt care. . . so maybe she can have like a taste testing buddy or someone who likes to cook w her or something idk ? ? shfskd omg HC: she works as a server at ca pizza kitchen but i s2g she prob always tries to sneak in the kitchen and help cook But since shes so all over the place, theyre always like “ EL GTFO OF HeRE !!!!!” 

MOTHER HEN / PAPA BEAR -- this girl needs someone to keep her in line some of the time okay. she doesnt have any family here in cali so she’d love to have someone who takes care of her and makes sure she doesnt go too far ..  like someone she looks up to in a sister/brother/guardian figure type of way ? ? 

ZOOLOGY -- eloisa doesnt have any pets .. .  she can hardly take care of herself like what u think imma let this girl have a dog ? ? NO she can have a pet ROCK ( she does ) . . . but she loves animals so she’d love hAving a pal where she can just come by and play w their pets or smthg like she’ll be the best play mate ever  .. . i just wouldnt trust her to take care of ur animal for a week or smthg lmao

ADVENTURE TIME -- if u ever just want to do something crazy or try something new. . . literally just hit up eloisa . . . so i’d love for her to have friends who just text her up like i’m Not feeling good take me somewhere. . . and SHE WILL . . .or even if they’re not sad and just want to do something exciting . .. hit her up

OOPS :( -- ok So el can be a bit clumsy and random so i think a cool connection with someone would be like maybe one day eloisa broke something of theirs or fucked up their car or dyed their hair wrong or something stupid like that . . . basically eloisa fucked up . . . and ever since then, that person doesnt really trust her anymore and is kind of annoyed with her presence in general . . . BUT eloisa feels so BAD and guilty about it so now she basically tries to do everything in her power to make it up to the other person but they just keep not having it yknow ? ? 

ORANGE CRUSH -- ok ur typical crush plot bc theyre so fluffy and cute. . . but i think maybe a plot where the crush doesnt even have to be super romantic or sexual yknow ? ? like i can definitely see eloisa just being so interested in everything the other person does and just loving being around them and loving everything they do . . . so obsessed w their comportments . . . but it can be in such a fluffy, platonic way like That feeling when u see a rly cute puppy or baby penguin . . . eloisa just wants to hug ur muse and love them But not even sexually yknow ? ? 

TAKE ME WITH YOU -- ok i love this plot sm . . . maybe like a friendship where they both want to see the world together ? ? eloisa is really big on travelling so id love for her to have a friend where they’ve been slowly putting together their dream trip where they see the world together. and their friendship is so heavily based on them sending each other places around the world where they want to go and putting together bucketlists and itineraries for if they ever end up saving money and travelling together ? ? so fun

SCIENCE PROJECT -- there’s not much that scares el and she doesnt get pushed away so easily  . ..  but i think an interesting dynamic could be if there actually was someone who kind of freaks her out yknow?? a relationship where the person actually kind of intimidates her and theres just something about the person that makes eloisa question everything .. . kind of like a science project. shes always studying them carefully, unsure of how to react to what they say . . . they’re just bizarre to her and she wants to know more

POKE ! -- basically someone she loves to annoy and pick on , but not in a hateful way

TEACH ME -- maybe someone who is teaching eloisa a new skill or language or how to do something that they’re good at because eloisa would love that so much .. . she loves trying new things.. . .like honestly anything  ..  . even if she keeps failing

TINDER DATE -- ok so in my head, i feel like eloisa would be that type of person to troll people on tinder and play around with them ..  so maybe your muse got caught up in her trap once and she trolled them on tinder lmao ? ? ? i think thatd be so funny and she just loves laughing about it all the time . .

I DO . . . WAIT, NO, I DON’T ! -- ok So this is inspired by that one episode in friends where rachel and ross get married drunk in vegas once . . . so Like literally that lmao. like that is SO something that would happen to el. like maybe one time, they found themselves in vegas together, they got super drunk, and legit got married that same night super quick ? ? ? and obviously theyre divorced now but i think that’d be a funny dynamic and lil treasure of the past to have in a friendship/relationship

SOME TYPICAL ONES THAT I CANT GET ENOUGH OF -- exes, flings, hook ups, went on a few dates in the past, best friends ( someone to braid her hair and take bubble baths w her <3 ), enemies ( maybe someone who doesnt agree w how she lives her life or her whole vibe bc she can be a bit much sometimes lmao ), etc.

or literally anything else lol

[ravenvsfox]

I know you have already done a lot of the ship posts (and they are all phenomenal and accurate af) but can you pretty please do Jesper and Wylan from six of crows/crooked kingdom? Xoxo

I’m SO sorry this took so long, you’re such an absolute sweetheart and also christ I’ve never been called an inspiration before holy.. god

also heck i love wesper this is a treat

SEND ME A SHIP AND I’LL TELL YOU… 

who is more likely to hurt the other?

don’t.. do this

they’re genuinely so good neither of them would ever TRY to hurt the other, and they’re both so tender and apologetic if they ever do. I think I’m gonna have to say jesper though just because. he’s still a little stirred by his addiction (to trouble! to bringing two guns to a gun fight! to gambling! to love!) and he’s got some jealousy and sensitivity baked into him, bless him. I feel like he’d run a risk and break Wy’s heart by accident, a little bit

who is emotionally stronger?

a genuine toughie bc they’ve both survived and persevered so MUCH. I think in terms of immediate reactionary instincts, Jes is better at letting bad vibes roll right off of him. He’s made of smiles. He’s trouble and a good time rolled into a waistcoat. If you insult him he only gets stronger. Wy was raised in silk and champagne but he was raised BY an absolute monster so. he’s a very bruised peach. criticism pierces him v easily. Though in a more fundamental way, wylan has fashioned his past trauma into a shield. by the end of ck he’s building himself new emotional strength with his bare hands

who is physically stronger?

ohhh man. They’re both noodle boys. Wylan is too smart for exercise. Jesper does his fighting at a 20 metre distance from his target. Jesper is bigger than wylan but most of his size is gangly and delightful and awkward. I think jes could probably still beat wylan in a pinch, but I’m more caught up in how funny it would be to see them try to fight it out

who is more likely to break a bone? 

man I’m tempted to say jesper just bc he seems like he would be...... brittle. I think he gets into scrapes a lot. I think wylan starts to get into p frequent scrapes by nature of being the sixth crow. I think the both of them are so busy worrying about each other’s fights that they neglect their own and trip off a building or smth

who knows best what to say to upset the other? 

I think wylan can be a nasty piece of work when he’s pissed enough. like he may be a silk eared puppy but he’ll chew your shoes and track mud around if you forget to feed him. jesper doesn’t have a malicious bone in his body man, I think he’s a sarcasm queen and a joker but he’s definitely not mean

who is most likely to apologize first after an argument? 

I think jesper’s constantly assuming he did something wrong and he sits down with wylan 100% serious like ‘babe.. im so, so sorry. I never wanted to be the sort of person who made you look sad like that, we’re past that, I truly made a promise--’ and wy would be like ‘what no I was sad bc a screw on my flute is loose and I couldn’t practice today’. but also yeah if it’s a serious fight they make up in a rush, and they laugh at themselves, and they use their energy for something better

who treats who’s wounds more often? 

here’s the thing about the crows man, they’re always sustaining minor injuries as a team and it’s a win if they live, right? All I can picture is the roar of activity when they pull off a job and they come back limping and bleeding and swearing and crowing w joy, and jes and wy take their seats opposite each other and clean wounds, kiss foreheads, smooth back sweaty curls, squeeze hands, make promises. the routine, u kno

who is in constant need of comfort? 

uhhh both of them (it’s always both my guy jot that down). Wylan has 16 years of shitty imposed self loathing to unlearn, and traumatic experiences all over him. jes has lost a lot (including his mom) and he struggles with addiction so like. yeah they both need comfort. they both wake up w the phantom feeling of a mother’s arms around their shoulders. they’ve both seen the very worst of humanity. They’re just two nervy, high stress kids trying to figure things out

who gets more jealous? 

lmao WYLAN VAN ECK did y’all read his scenes in crooked kingdom that boy is NOT SHARING. he glared real holes in kuwei’s head guys. jesper tbh is a terrible flirt and a HANDFUL and wylan is happy. to have his hands full. no one else.

who’s most likely to walk out on the other? 

mmm nahhh

who will propose? 

u bet ur ASS it’ll be jesper. Imagine wylan’s blushing face...... he’d do it for that alone. tbh there’s probably a point in their relationship where jesper’s outrageous flirting isn’t enough to get that pretty blush from wylan like he’ll roll his eyes and shove jes in the shoulder and w/e but they have to have increasingly ridiculous conversations about kinks or w/e until that blush comes out. jesper’s like ‘dang. guess I gotta step up the romance. what’s the most romantic thing? marriage? marrying wylan? son absolutely where do i sign’

who has the most difficult parents?

lmao lm a o lmaooo Lmao LMAO lmao

who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public? 

I feel like depending on the social climate of Ketterdam, hand holding might not be on the table?? especially for two criminals associated w the bastard of the barrel like idk man I can’t picture it. they don’t want to draw attention to themselves (well i mean. jes wants to. but they can’t). I think they’re all about sly glances and the most obvious smirks you’ve ever seen, and brushing shoulders!! brushing shoulders are their makeouts

who comes up for the other all the time? 

they’re always together man bf’s that blow shit up together and live together stay together so like they rarely have the opportunity to talk about each other. howEVER jesper probably mentions his boyfriend in the middle of a hand of poker w an inappropriate smile or gushes to w/e prisoner he’s breaking out of jail or makes Kaz’s day weird by trying to confide in him

who hogs the blankets? 

wylan is exhausted w luxury and jesper is a child who wants to be held so he rolls over and then over again so that wy always wakes up to a lapful of boyfriend and a roll of blankets and he has to wait for jesper’s heavy sleeper ass to arise so he can get up to pee 

who gets more sad? 

booooth -- jesper is understated sad with a side of unnerving frowns, wylan is a wobbling mouth and clenched fists. Sometimes they stay in the Wylan Van mansion and lock the doors so the maids can’t come in, and they bring the lavish decorative pillows into a heap on the carpet and feed each other sweets and rub each others backs and laugh and laugh the darkness away. wylan sketches. jesper poses. there’s scheming & kaz impressions. jesper is a storyteller and he imagines out loud what nina or inej are up to at that very minute, controlling gravity and hearts and the sea and their lives 

who is better at cheering the other up? 

see above ^^ they both go pro at the comfort olympics. Jesper is that little bit better though. He’s a sweetheart with all the right words in his pockets. He knows how to chop wylan’s dad down like the overgrown dead tree that he is. he knows how to flirt a smile onto wy’s face. he maybe lacks delicacy sometimes, but he’s so fun and wholehearted and warm that he can’t really go wrong

who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?

this is canon y’all, jesper is a lecherous bastard and wylan is equal parts disdain and delight. he absolutely will slap a boy

who is more streetwise?

god bless wylan but he knows a hell of a lot less about the streets than jes. He’s learning fast by the end of ck, but he’s still very sheltered in a lot of ways. Jesper has a few years under his belt, and he’s.. like tbh he’s a part of a gang so. He’s seen a lot. He’s participated in a lot. He has a pretty steep list of kills, same as every other survivor out there. He’s detached from the deaths but he’s been on the other side of a lot of bullets that have crumpled people up and thrown them in the trash. He knows his business, too. He knows Ketterdam. Well. Wy knows the half of it Kaz wants him to see.

who is more wise?

Wylan is utterly brilliant and Jesper is wholeheartedly here for it. What was that line again? ‘you’re cuter when you’re smart’? Wylan can think his way out of just about anything, the world belongs to him. jsyk

who’s the shyest? 

Wylan absolutely what a sweetie. I mean a lot of it stems from unfortunate self esteem issues and a history of being burnt but a lot of it is pure soul deep candy sweet embarrassment and not knowing what to do w his own cute face. He doesn’t know how to deal w people a lot of the time. he knows sheet music & formulas. he does not know how to look at a boy with beautiful lips all curled up at him and not pass out

who boasts about the other more? 

jesper is loudmouthed usually and he’s that much more loudmouthed when he’s in love, catch him talking to anyone who will listen about wy’s stupid face 

who sits on who’s lap? 

jesper would definitely try it, don’t even test him, he would fold all his crane limbs into wylan’s lap and say ‘hello peaches’ and wylan would have to slide both of them onto the floor to escape his embarrassment. on a good day, jes’ll scoop wylan into his lap and he’ll feel quiet, for a while

[jiminsalad-ff]

of hot idols and annoying ankle tattoos [ch. 1] ; taekook

i apologize, i didn’t proofread this very well so there may be mistakes

rated: teen and up (lotsa bad words)

summary: part one of which taehyung falls for his idol

this is a tattoo au, which means that when a person falls in love with another person, they get that other person’s “designated tattoo” somewhere on their own body. this designated tattoo is found on a person’s ankle and they are normally born with it. it’s supposed to symbolize something for the person who has it.

The screeching sound of Taehyung’s sneakers rings out through the silent hallway. His feet drag against the ground, heavy like weights, not because he’s tired or sad, but because it’s fun to watch the boy walking next to him cringe with each piercing shriek.

“Tae, I swear to god—”

“What?” Taehyung lifts his head to smile with that boxy mouth of his. “I’m not doing anything.”

Jimin rolls his eyes. He pushes Taehyung with such force that he nearly trips over his own two feet and into the wall directly next to him. Once Taehyung regains balance, he walks normally lest he gets pushed into the wall again.

“Fucking idiot,” Taehyung hisses while pushing past the double doors. The cold, autumn air bites at his nose first, then travels down to his fingers and toes as he continues walking despite not having a source of warmth (except for Jimin—but he’s not about to hang onto him like he did in middle school).

“Christ,” Jimin chitters. “It’s fucking cold out today. Where’s your jacket, slick?”

“I thought we agreed not to call me ‘slick’ ever again.” Taehyung’s jaw trembles at the cold. He turns his head downwards to get the wind out of his eyes. “My jacket’s in my car.”

“Oh,” Jimin exhales a puff of cold air, nodding his head in light bobs. “Oh, nice. Of course it is—when is anything not in your car? Why do you even have a jacket if it’s always in your fucking car?”

“Because the heater’s broken.”

“Right, and having a jacket in your car for no reason will magically make your heater spark back to life. How is that working out for you, by the way?” Jimin turns his head to look at Taehyung and gives him a disgruntled chuckle.

“Not too great.”

“That’s what I fucking thought. Get a new heater.” He pulls a box of cigarettes from his pocket. “Light me?”

“Hell no, light yourself. Get your fucking cancer stick-ass away from me.”

Jimin’s smile falls from his face. “Fine.”

“Matter of fact—” Taehyung quickly reaches up and grabs a hold on the cigarette in Jimin’s mouth and tosses it to the ground. He steps on it for good measure. “There. Your lungs thank you.”

Jimin stops in his tracks like a deer in headlights. “Well, tell them that they’re not welcome. Fucking 'cancer sticks’, I don’t even have cancer.”

“Not yet, you don’t,” Taehyung flicks the shorter male. “That’s the beauty of nicotine. It comes back to haunt you when you’re old and wrinkly and can’t stop smoking because it’s become such a habit to you that you don’t even realize that it’s bad for you until you get those test results back from the hospital.”

“Man, fuck you and your cancer bullshit,” Jimin says, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

“Cancer says, 'fuck you, too.’” Taehyung’s hand trembles as he raises it in the air to slap Jimin’s nape, almost mockingly says, “That’s a neck, son.”

Jimin lets out a strangled grunt and jerks his hand up to cover the afflicted area. “You immature piece of shit, I can’t believe you made it to college.”

“I could say the same thing about you.”

Jimin turns his head to look at Taehyung and cracks a smile. “You’re right. We’re both pretty immature.”

“Yeah, well,” Taehyung snaps, turning his head towards Jimin as well, “at least I don’t have wet dreams about my history teacher.”

“Wha—dude, no,” Jimin flushes red, hiding his face by casting his gaze downwards. “No.”

“Yes,” Taehyung chuckles, “you do. I can hear you moaning his name from the living room. You’re so loud, man, it’s not even funny.”

“That was one time.”

“Three.”

“Whatever.”

Taehyung stops in front of his car. He glances at Jimin before swinging the door open. “See you when you get home.”

“If I get home.”

“You better get home. I don’t wanna see another tattoo on that body of yours when you get out of the shower.”

“Tae,” Jimin sighs, “I’ll try to get home before that happens.”

“I’m sick and tired of having to take care of your ass. Get home before you get attached, remember?”

“It’s just sex.”

“Somehow, your heart disagrees with you on that one,” Taehyung says. “See you tonight, Chim.”

“Tonight.”

Taehyung tosses his keys onto the couch and kicks off his shoes as he makes a beeline for the fridge. His fingertips skim over the granite counter top briefly before they switch to the door handle. He tugs the door until it opens and he pouts in disappointment when he finds that the fridge is damn near empty. He grabs a box of juice (because he’s a child, he knows) and shrugs his phone out of his pocket to text Jimin.

we need more shit to eat

He sits down at his desk and opens his laptop. The monitor beeps twice, offering light to the dark room. Taehyung types in his password and makes a noise of approval at the sound the keys make in the room, only ambient by the quiet whir of the tower fan. Taehyung turns on music.

Seagull - Flying Kites

So aesthetic, Taehyung stops to consider as the music starts to fill the quiet space around him. He looks at the artist. Seagull. Truthfully, Taehyung is one of those people who can listen to someone all day long and never even give a thought to what that person might look like. Seagull is one of those people. Taehyung knows that he’s a good singer as well as anyone, but he has no earthly idea what this man looks like. Hell—he doesn’t even know his real name.

Taehyung types in his computer 'seagull’ and waits patiently for the screen to load. Fucking Sprint, he thinks.

When it does load, the first thing he sees is pictures of seagulls. He scrolls down. Articles on seagulls. Taehyung scoffs. He returns to the search bar to type 'seagull kpop’ in hopes of finding something other than pictures of large birds. The screen loads for what seems like forever and just when Taehyung is about to shut off the computer for good, the screen flickers back to life and displays numerous pictures of a very handsome man with the prettiest eyes and the best smile, not to mention the sexiest complexion—

Taehyung has to pause for a minute to catch his breath before he takes it upon himself to scroll down. He clicks on the Wikipedia page. Under the Background Information tab, he finds the name of this man.

Jeon Jungkook.

The discovery sends chills to Taehyung’s spine. He sighs and continues down the page. He was born on September 1, 1992, which makes him 24 years old. He was born in Buk District, Busan, South Korea. He’s 5’ 10". Taehyung leans back in his chair. He’s exactly my height, he acknowledges, cue the heart attack because he can practically already see him standing right in front of him.

He scrolls down further to see more pictures. And then he slams the lid of his laptop shut. His breath wavers for a minute and his heart skips a beat or so. It’s time to stop looking at pictures so my heart and soul can adjust to the discovery of the most beautiful human being on the Earth and possibly in the universe, Taehyung thinks. I need to recover from this.

Taehyung’s phone buzzes. He looks at it from his peripheral vision and sees that it’s from Jimin.

i gor u

Taehyung’s brow curves upwards out of something similar to confusion.

*got

He sighs into the air and replies back.

remember to get mac n cheese because well starve to death otherwise

also peanut butter please ty

He chucks his phone back onto the desk and gets up only to fall face-first onto his bed. He shuts his eyes. The music starts to fade away and his fingers and toes go numb. The whirring of the fan lingers as he falls sound asleep.

Jimin sneezes. A few people turn around, eyeing him strangely with that “get your shit together” vibe and they turn back around. Jimin sneezes again—an aftershock of a sneeze, really. He wipes his nose and continues on through the crowd with a drink in his hand and his phone in the other.

“Excuse me,” he starts, managing a tap on someone’s shoulder, “do you know Park Jihyun? The owner of this place? Looks like a smaller version of me?”

“Sorry, no,” they say. Jimin nods, admittedly disappointed, and shuffles over to the next person to ask them the same thing he’s asked everyone else in the bar.

After several discouraging answers and a few fucking assholes, Jimin catches the gaze of a short male in the far corner of the bar. His hair is a dark shade of brown, a red beanie situated on his head. He’s clad in a loose, white t-shirt and black joggers with red converse (to match his hat, Jimin assumes). He has a group of friends around him and they’re all sharing the same blunt of some mysterious and foreign drug that Jimin wouldn’t try in a million years.

“Jihyun!” Jimin calls out, shoving past a few particularly horny and desperate people grinding on each other in a public joint. Jihyun turns his head and his eyes light up and crinkle at the corners. He exhales a cloud of smoke.

“Jimin,” he smiles, obviously high due to the bloodshot eyes and the tears collecting at the corners of them, not to mention the roll of paper in his mouth, “I missed you.” Jimin’s eyes follow as he passes the drug to the person directly next to him. She immediately takes it between her thin lips and inhales deeply, exhaling white wisps into the air around her. Jimin looks away.

“We need to talk about something,” he explains, finally. His brother looks at his group, scoring simultaneous nods and 'go on’s. He jumps off the wall and leads Jimin out the back door.

“What’s up, big bro?” Jihyun nudges his bicep, making a small comment along the lines of how he must be working out more.

“I need money,” Jimin states bluntly.

Jihyun frowns. “What makes you think I have money?”

“Don’t you sell drugs?”

“I use the money I get from selling drugs to buy drugs for myself,” Jihyun focuses his gaze on the ground.

“Fine,” he says. “Forget it. I’ll go.” He turns back and twists the door handle in his hand. He looks at his brother over his shoulder.

“Remember what we talked about last time.”

Jihyun pauses, looks up at Jimin. “Of course, how could I forget?”

“Welcome home,” Taehyung yells from the living room. “Did you get the stuff?”

“Yes,” Jimin calls back, “I got the stuff.” He sets the bag on the kitchen counter. Taehyung jumps off of his spot on the couch to inspect the goods.

“Hell no.” Taehyung holds up a bag. “Fudge? Brownies? What the fuck, we’re damn near unable to pay our fucking bills, yet you spend the last of our money on fucking diabetes?”

“That’s the cost of asking me to go grocery shopping.”

“Those are expensive-ass brownies, Chim, how can you even afford those?” Taehyung quirks an eyebrow and slaps his friend’s arm as he walks past him to put the brownies in the pantry. “At least you got what I asked for, even if you stepped over the imaginary financial line and bought straight sugar.”

“One of these days, you’ll be thanking me for buying 'straight sugar,’” he says, leaning against the counter and unlocking his phone.

“Music recommendations? What’s Tae listening to these days?”

“Ooh, type in 'flying kites’ by this guy named seagull, like the bird. He’s really attractive, did you know that? I searched him while you were out and he is literally a walking wet dream—”

“Okay, I found it, shut the fuck up.”

The music starts and Taehyung’s smile only widens.

“Dance with me,” he says. Jimin shakes his head. Taehyung retaliates by tugging at his arm and dragging him into the living room. He starts to dance by himself.

“C'mon, you know you wanna dance with me.”

“I don’t.”

“You do.” Taehyung grabs him by the hands. “And you will.”

Jimin gives in, swaying his hips smoothly and shimmying his shoulders gracefully, despite the sour expression set on his face. “Hey, fuck you, by the way.”

“You’re enjoying this. This is really so much fun, I’m having the time of my life. I love this song. Don’t you love this song?”

“Did you know,” Jimin cuts in, completely ignoring whatever it is he thinks Taehyung said, “that this 'seagull like the bird’ guy is having a fan meet this weekend? I heard it from a group of nerds at school.” Taehyung shoots him a glare. “Do you want to go?”

“I’d love to, if we hadn’t spend every last dollar on those brownies.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m asking if you want to go, not if you want to pay for it.”

“Then, yes. I want to go. It’s in Seoul, I’m guessing?”

“Yes,” Jimin says slowly, his eyes closing, getting lost in the music. “This is so peaceful.”

“Right?” Taehyung absentmindedly leans into Jimin’s warmth, hands still connected. He looks down at him, and Jimin looks back with those small, crescent-shaped eyes and those plush, rosy cheeks of his. His eyes skim vaguely over the plump lips situated so perfectly on his face that has Taehyung wobbly in the knees (maybe it was the wine he drank a couple weeks ago, you really never can tell these days with Taehyung). Not because he’s ever had feelings for him other than extremely gay friendship where kissing his best friend is almost an everyday thing, he’s just tired and his mind is fuzzy with exhaustion.

He leans in and presses his lips against Jimin’s briefly before pulling away. The man’s face crinkles into a smile and he shoves Taehyung away with balled fists.

“Dude, you’re so gay. You need a boyfriend.”

“I know.”

“Seriously,” Jimin reiterates. “You’re a great kisser, and I thank you for sharing that with me, but stop wasting your smooching skills on someone that doesn’t give less than a shit about you.”

“I know, I know,” Taehyung waves his hands in the air. “Just—you remember what happened last time I tried to date someone.”

“That won’t happen again, Tae,” Jimin’s eyes trail hurriedly over the tattoo peeking out from behind the collar of his shirt before his eyes meet the other’s again.

“You don’t know that.”

“Well,” Jimin grimaces, “I guess I don’t. But the chances of anybody doing that to you again are so slim, Tae. Please stop worrying about it. Get out there and get some ass,” he says with a smack to the other’s arm.

Taehyung’s mind wanders for a few minutes. His eyes sparkle and a smile creeps onto his lips. “I’d like to get a piece of Seagull’s ass. Do you think he has a nice ass?”

“He’s an idol, of course he does. Idols have nice asses.”

“You have a nice ass, but you’re not an idol,” Taehyung snorts.

“Maybe I should be. At least then we’d have more money to buy brownies with.”

“Or you could be a stripper.”

“No thanks,” Jimin shakes his head with droopy eyes, “I enjoy working at Relish just fine.”

“Odd name for a restaurant, though, don’t you think?” Taehyung’s gaze drifts off into the kitchen someplace.

“I guess, but it pays well enough for us to function in a half-decent apartment.”

A scoff rolls out of Taehyung’s mouth, though it was more like a breathy exhale than anything. “Yeah, right. You can barely go shopping without going over our budget. Your job sucks ass.”

“Maybe I should work as a tattoo artist. Cover up tattoos that people don’t like with better tattoos. People would pay big bucks for that.”

“You suck at drawing, though. You want to permanently scar people with your horrendous artwork? Hell no, I’d never let you do that. I’d almost rather you be a stripper than a tattoo artist.”

“I wish I could cover up my tattoo. Can we switch? Do you want an apple?” Jimin retreats into the couch to lift his ankle into the air. On his ankle is a small picture—almost invisible, if you’re far enough away—of an apple.

“Do you even know what that means? Is it supposed to symbolize something?” Taehyung squats down for inspection.

“I don’t know, man, try living with an apple on your leg and figure out what it symbolizes. An apple can mean a lot of things.”

“I think it’s supposed to make up for the loss of an apple right there,” Taehyung points to Jimin’s throat without hesitation. Jimin widens his eyes (as if that could actually happen) and emits a strangled whine.

“I do have an adam’s apple, you jackass son of a bitch.”

“No way. Show me.”

Jimin smirks, tilting his head back, and sure enough, the lump in his throat is prominent. Taehyung almost has to force himself to look away; he’d never given a thought to anybody’s adam’s apple other than his own.

“Impressive,” he says, finally tearing his eyes away when Jimin adjusts his head to a somewhat normal position.

“Think first before you speak.”

“You’re telling me this?”

“Oh, shut up,” Jimin shoves Taehyung out of the way and treads to his room. “Goodnight.”

“Hey, you should eat dinner before you—”

“Goodnight.”

“Remind me again why you’re doing this for me?” Taehyung’s teeth chatter and his fingers tremble at the bustling crowd around him. Jimin had dragged him all the way to Seoul for a fan meet held by his favorite idol as of a few days ago, who is standing in front of him (but not directly in front of him, this is his ego talking) as if it were his imagination and he was scared to move or breathe in fear of waking up and losing everything he’s ever dreamed of having.

“You’re welcome,” Jimin replies, haughty in the way he squints his eyes with cocked eyebrows and pursed lips as if to say, “Why yes, I paid for this with my very own earnings and now is quite the appropriate time to shower upon me 'thank you’s and rose petals to express your indebted gratitude towards me, for I am the ruler of the world as you know it.”

“Yes, thank you.” His eyes darted around, never straying on a single object for too long. They looked at the idol before him, then over to a group of children, at the ground, only to come right back to where they’d started. He is nervous, understandably, and he’s almost wishing he was at home watching Grey’s Anatomy and basking in the graces of McDreamy instead of being here, standing awkwardly as if he’d just been tossed by his ankles into a crowd of lions and tigers and bears (oh my!).

Then, as if things couldn’t get any worse (or better, rather), the idol’s gaze skims past the line of people quickly and stops when it catches sight of Taehyung. He could’ve sworn—though he wasn’t sure—that what he saw was the idol, Kim Taehyung’s literal idol and possibly role model, struggling to catch his breath and to stand up straight and even to keep his eyes from rolling into the back of his head at the sight of the boy. But, again, this is his ego talking. Probably.

Taehyung looks behind him the way that people do when someone way out of their league is looking anywhere close to their general direction. Then he stares back at the idol and maintains brief eye contact before the latter shies away and directs his attention back to the fan gawking in front of him. He smiles at her and waves her off before catching sight of Taehyung once more, only this time Taehyung isn’t looking, which gives Jungkook every bleeding right to stare for longer than he should’ve been allowed to in the first place.

Taehyung absentmindedly tugs at the collar of his white shirt—because who turned up the temperature? why does my favorite person ever as of a few days ago keep staring at me like i’m some sort of delicacy? is this actually just a dream where i wake up before i even take another step closer?

But Taehyung takes a step closer. Two steps, if he dares to get technical. Maybe even three—but he is still lucid, standing there, not-so-oblivious to the man just before him, practically eye-fucking him with those big, blue eyes of his—contacts, no doubt—and that exasperatingly beautiful smile of his that he can’t help but envy because his own boxy grin was a lame excuse for a smile. At least, that’s what he’s convinced himself.

Obviously, the brunette does not agree with him on that statement. His glassy eyes graze over the boy’s lips whenever he manages even a ghost of a smile and they linger for just a second too long. Then their gazes meet, to which Jungkook forces away from quickly.

When Taehyung finally steps up to Jungkook, he gives his biggest smile yet and, for the first time in his entire life, gets the pleasure of speaking to him face-to-face, in person, and to fully experience just how tall he is (because the Wikipedia page he visited was definitely outdated; Jungkook was generally the same height as him, if you add a few centimeters or inches or possibly even feet over Taehyung’s).

Taehyung nearly has to tip his head back to look Jungkook in the eyes. And boy, those pictures and videos sure don’t do him any justice. It’s one thing to say yeah, he’s handsome and he’s so beautiful and i love him so much, blah blah blah, but once Taehyung’s taken the time and (Jimin’s) money to see him in the flesh and fully understand the true nature of his beauty, he begins to see the incandescent twinkle in Jungkook’s eyes, a soft, shimmering glow that can only really be seen by the naked eye. He starts to see the way his pupils dilate into something that Taehyung can’t quite place. The way his lips curl into that goddamn picture perfect fucking smile of his makes Taehyung weak in the knees—especially considering that this beauty was just a few feet from himself. So close, he could touch it if he wanted to. Maybe one day he’d have the pleasure of being able to feel the way those lips would curl into his, on a warm, Sunday afternoon with blankets and coffee and sweet treats from the cafe just a few blocks down. Taehyung can almost smell the coffee, now, and taste the treats, even better if he could taste it from the man’s mouth—

“Hi,” says he, ultimately ruining Taehyung’s almost-wet dream.

Taehyung jolts. “Hello,” he whispers.

Jimin snickers at the awkwardness of it all and swoops in with his enthusiastic self to save the day.

Sort of.

“Hi! Nice to meet you. This is Taehyung, he’s a bit nervous because you’re, like, his whole universe and you’re basically all he ever talks about, ever. I’m Jimin. We’re roommates. He talks about you a lot—”

“Jimin!” Taehyung shrieks, apologizing to the dozens of heads that turn around and especially to Jungkook. He hates to admit it to himself, but he takes pride in the way Jungkook’s eyes skim the expanse of his body, mapping out every little detail. Their eyes meet again. It’s awkward.

“I have an album for you. To sign,” Taehyung finally says. Jungkook is almost shocked at the sound of his voice when it manages to form a full sentence with no mishaps.

“Oh, sure,” Jungkook takes the album, signs the inside of it with the thought of Taehyung’s voice in his head, and returns it with a smile. “Don’t open it yet. Save it for when you get home.”

“Yes—okay. Thank you so much! I love your music—so, so much, your voice is so soothing. It helps me deal with stress so I’ve been listening to you since high school.”

“Wow, that’s a long time,” Jungkook says, words sounding more scripted than anything as his eyes linger on the necklace situated right on Taehyung’s collarbones. “I’m glad you enjoy the album.”

“Me too,” Taehyung says without thought, and immediately regrets it when he notices the way Jungkook’s eyebrow raises in confusion.

“We should get going now,” Jimin insists hurriedly, tugging the male’s arm with such immense force that he nearly trips.

“Right. Goodbye,” Taehyung waves at Jungkook with a forced smile. Jungkook waves back, however, his lips decide to twitch into a smirk instead.

[nlilyrose]

we move on,

I was 10 when i first donned the white-pink ensemble as a transfer student in Primary Four. My first day was...weird because I was old enough to not bawl my eyes out asking for my parents, yet I was in unfamiliar territory surrounded by only girls. Spent only two years attending afternoon session classes before they decided to push for P6 in the morning. As a student, I was one of the favourites (naturally lol), aced every examination until I reached Sec 3 midterms where i terkeluar from Top 3 and that was like my point of no return - ie kau taubat also tak guna. Though i redeemed myself for the finals, that actually marked the start of me realising i don't and won't always have things easy, unless i earn them (& they were destined for me). Extended my stay in Pre-U for another whole year because my A's results sucked and none of the local universities wanted me, retook my A's only to end up reading Math and Econs in SIM. (Lol dulu ni dumping ground utk those yang ok-ok but not good enough for NUS/NTU/SMU) Who would've thought that it was there that I learnt to pick myself up, to realise that eh being book-smart really isn't everything. And then with His Grace, things fell into place, graduated with Second Upper Class Honours (which was quite a big deal because no other Malay got it for my course) and within months I got called up by Ust Samiah to relief a certain teacher. Jodoh kuat orang cakap bahahah September 2009; signed my contract with Ma'arif and then bammm i stayed loyal to the institution through seven years. Single (but not without suitors of macam-macam type LOL) the first two years before i settled down with the (then) IMG Track Coach alhamdulillah. I started my journey with zest, rigour and all good vibes ah despite having to travel from CCK to PL and back, and on training days made pit-stops to stadiums around Singapore (lol). My respected teachers became my colleagues but i only addressed fellow seniors as "Kak" and retained the "zah"/"cher"/"cikgu"/"ustad" titles to most of them. Used to clock in on time, on some days early even, and was one of the last to leave the school premises.....until i got married in 2011. Haha this really feels like kacang lupakan kulit but yeah my time in school slowly became limited to only school hours because husband and social life was still priority. Plus track trainings for IMG '12 were pretty intense and regular so machiam my after-lesson contribution to the school was away from its premises. Had little problem catching up on markings because no kids yet lah lol until Maryam came along. Beginning of 2012 was actually weird because i was on long hiatus because of a back injury that i endured while carrying Maryam in me. (I always say you all drama in class but actually i am more drama than you because i was the ONLY teacher who slipped and fell down in the toilet when pregnant lol. Had to be wheeled out of the staff room into the arms of my Other Half lolol and then i got weeks of MC.) That was the start of my "frequent long absence" including my streak of Maternity Leaves. July - November 2012 Jan - April 2014 Jan - April 2016 My long leaves, covered by equally (if not more) proficient and efficient substitutes - a dear friend and former colleague, Siti Aishah Shukor; an awesome student whom I saw a lot of potential in, Nur Hidayah Masri; another student whom I saw myself in her in terms of humour lol, Radiah Mohd Nizam. It is because I have these little amanahs with me, and having had my own place away from my parents, I started to clock in late regularly. Our mudirah often takes pride in punctuality and while her ways might not sit well with many, I saw a lot of truths in her principles. Being early gets you psyched and pumped for the day, and as an educator who have a whole list of tasks to execute on a daily basis, positive vibes are essential! Here I was, coming in late daily because "the kids were wailing before I left"/"i had to express milk/latch baby on"/"i/maryam/sakinah/hamzah wasn't feeling well" and the likes. On some days it even became "omg malas gila nk bgn i just want to snuggle with the kids" :( not proud of it, but this was my struggle as the days passed. It also didn't help that Maryam and Sakinah eventually became pre-school goers and that as a Mom i HAVE TO start supervising their cognitive development too. Returning to work post-maternity leave also meant that I have to pump milk on-the-go while at work (usually i selit this in between lessons where i multi-task with LAST MINUTE lesson preparation and/or markings/setting of test/exam papers) but sometimes i just lug the pump to class/exam hall because i was overwhelmed with markings/too tired i fell asleep/hungry/had catching up to do with my members lol. You see me passing remarks like "i'm the coolest teacher" who doesn't bring anything to class sometimes (and then sebok pinjam2/intai bdk2 row depan LOL) when i was actually falling apart. I started dreading admin matters, started breaking rules and regularly stepped into the school just in time for lessons. I love teaching, sharing jokes, talking to youths like all of you, refusing to acknowledge your jokes because i know that'll "bruise your ego" and grab your attention, but my responsibilities as a Mom slowly got to me. You can say i fail as a multi-tasker but i tried. Really tried my best, because i brought zero work back home. Even with no markings to complete back home (of which i rush to habiskan in school and sometimes still tk habis so i (LOL SORRY) sent your work for recycling), i was tired most of the time at home and ended up getting mad at the kids for fighting/messing the house lepas tu nak buat housework masak laundry all. I had no helper and during school hours it was my MIL who came over to tend to the kids and i can't possibly ask her to buat all those kan. Lol so naturally i started losing steam and i believe that was my saturation point. Pushing on only meant i would either break or i would find zero satisfaction in what i was doing. There were other factors of course, but these were the main issues plaguing me daily. I couldn't bear to short-change you as an educator because you all deserve nothing but the best from us. Sometimes we need to take many steps back and review our actions and/or decisions, for the greater good. I left, silently, not knowing that 2016 was the record year with the highest number of teachers leaving. It was a really tough decision which saw me bawling my eyes out because of the guilt i felt, having to leave all of you abruptly. Staying home with the kids also meant that i would leave my passion of teaching in front of a crowd plus all these unnecessary expectations as a parent made me nervous and at some point, even left me doubting my decision. 'They' were right, life goes on and we can't always have the cake and eat it too all the time, so no regrets there. Allah is the Best Planner so I've learnt to let go and let God. :) we move on, but the memories we've made remain etched in our hearts insyaaAllah.