#spectrapy

[mx-lamour]

My therapist asked me to think about which came first: my anxiety or depression?

Hours later (of course) I realized: it's neither. The answer is neither. We've lost the thread again.

I'm actually autistic.

[mx-lamour]

I'm afraid of disappointment

Money is bad and awful

I can't trust people

And I don't know what's causing my vulvitis

How are you today?

[mx-lamour]

My therapist asked me to think of five things I couldn't live without.

I asked her what the criteria for a "thing" was. Does "pen and paper" count as one thing, or two?

At that, she reframed the prompt. You'll always be able to find pen and paper, food, etc. "You have everything you need to survive." Choose five objects.

I didn't say it, she didn't say it, but the implication that pen and paper are necessary for survival blew my mind as much as it rang true. Expression and communication and creativity are human rights.

Paper is not a desire, it's a utility.

One side of me is unable to choose five objects. If I can always have what I need, I don't need more. My heart is not as materialistic as my fear.

The other side, though, is adamant that some objects are irreplaceable and should be sheltered and cared for as long as possible. The love-worn blankets and stuffed animals I've had since I was a baby. Out-of-print books. The kinds of objects which have ceased to be merely objects and have become subjects in their own right.