#autistic masking

[autball]

MASKING MYTHS BUSTED: “Masking = Acting NT.”

FALSE.

Autistic masking does not necessarily mean “pretending to be allistic/neurotypical," although you’d definitely be forgiven for thinking it does.

Non-autistic researchers have been referring to it as “camouflaging” for years, framing it as an intentional choice to suppress autistic traits and replace them with allistic ones in order to “blend in.” Doing an internet search on the term will return several similar results.

But now, Autistic researchers are in the game, and their take is much more nuanced and comprehensive than that. (Funny how that happens, isn’t it?)

They’ve found that:

- It CAN be intentional but is often subconscious and involuntary 

- It is a protective response to trauma and feeling unsafe 

- It is often about suppressing more than just autistic traits 

- It is about identity management and being able to predict how people will treat you, not just “blending in”

Some people will lean into being “the bad kid” because they know that’s what people expect of them. Some people will even act “more autistic” because they know that’s what people expect of them. Others still will do things to attract attention in controllable, more “acceptable” ways to avoid attracting attention in unsafe, more stigmatizing ways. Not because they WANT to be that way, but because it lets them predict people’s responses better, which feels safer.

Also, there are Autistic people who can’t “pass” for non-autistic no matter how hard they try. That doesn’t mean they’re not masking. They may actually be working hard to suppress A LOT, they just can’t do everything to neuronormative standards.

None of these people will be accused of “blending in,” yet they are still masking their hearts out. When we assume they are not, we miss all the harm that masking is causing them. But they are suppressing themselves and suffering the consequences of that just as much as any Autistic person whose mask successfully says, “Hey, I’m just like you!”

(For more on this, please see the work of Dr. Amy Pearson and Kieran Rose.)

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Autistic Masking Part 3

Lil Penguin Studios/Autism Happy Place

[snakeautistic]

I’m really scared that I’m becoming an unlikable person as I unmask. I’m more blunt, I talk more, I advocate for myself more and I’m perceived as argumentative when I’m just trying to offer my thoughts/ explain myself. I make sure not to actively be an asshole, so it’s really more just my tone and the social norms that shouldn’t really matter.

I see people give me looks of annoyance when I speak. The exasperation when I finally work up the courage to actually ask a question.

It’s really freeing to not have to think so hard about my every breath or word in social settings but I still really want people to like me. I guess I need to accept that not everyone will, that’s just how it is, but it makes things hard because then those people will treat you shitty.

And then I wonder… is it just my fault? Maybe I should go back to masking. Maybe it’s not worth it to ‘be myself’ or whatever if it will bring ridicule. Even though there’s that crushing, continuous weight that comes from having to conceal parts of myself, maybe I need to just deal with that so I can get along with others.

But I’m also not sure that I COULD go back now.

[sunlightfeeling]

I read the Introduction to Unmasking Autism by Dr. Devon Price tonight

i finally feel heard:

[spectrumgarden]

Shout out to autistics like me who never really "masked" the normal way, who didnt realize they were supposed to fake eye contact or tried to study and understand the conversational structure of people around you. Who couldn't really stop stimming and only changed the type of stims they did. To autistics who's only way of masking was to withdraw, just try to not draw any attention ever. Yes we tried to not seem so autistic but we probably never even understood what made us seem autistic in the first place, so the only option was to shut down and avoid any contact whatsoever.

[slimi-kaito]

Ok, so I know Nimona's gender fluid and the whole shape shifting thing is a queer allegory.

BUT. (Don't worry)

I also think it’s an allegory of neurodivergency and disability! And I wanna talk about it:

To me, the « I wouldn't die die but I sure wouldn't be living » discussion feels very reminiscent of autistic stimming and masking, masking being explained here as the constant state of « that second before you sneeze ».

With that in mind, Nimona and Ballister's discussion in the train hits a lot closer to home for ND and disabled people in general because Ballister says « it would be easier for you » which isn’t actually true and shows how a lot of the world views disability. For people your disability is completely fine until they see it, they say they are disability allies but will shame you if you start stimming etc…

I think Nimona’s reaction to what Ballister said also shows that she is used to that kind of rethoric, she tries to lead him to the true answer « normal? » you’re normal for people if they can’t see your disability, « easier for who? » easier for him, easier for society because if they don’t see it they can ignore it. At the end of that conversation he doesn’t understand though and even think he is a hero for it « a lot of people aren’t as accepting as me » except what he does is actually the bare minimum, treating disabled people like actual people is the bare minimum whether you can see their disability or not!

At the end, Ballister understands that he was in the wrong and goes on to actually see Nimona as a person, as who she is « I see you ». And theoretically/utopically it’s the same for the kingdom’s people BUT it took the literal sacrifice of Nimona’s life for them to start treating her like a person which again should be the BARE MINIMUM. I think it is especially sad that it’s the way our society works as well, disabled people, queer people etc… shouldn’t have to earn the right to be treated as a person.

Thanks for reading all that, byeeee!

[hum-tittle]

As an autistic person, Alastor is definitely autistic.

He also says he smiles so others don't know what he's really feeling/thinking. In other words ✨️masking✨️ (I also had/have a smiling mask. I literally had smile lines before high school because I was always smiling. I didn't want to seem mean or unapproachable. So I thought I had to smile all the time and couldn't show negative feelings on my face 🙃)

[themaskedlady]

[adhdxxsdiary]

Undiagnosed autistic culture is obsessing over the topic of autism, feeling validated by the incredible similarities in your own life, relating to every autistic individual in some way or another, fulfilling most if not all DSM 5 criteria on ASD, taking every autistic test you could find online all confirming you are very likely autistic...

...but still end up doubting you even have it.

[snakeautistic]

Me when unmask around my ND friends but then feel intense shame for having unmasked when I’m alone

[awetistic-things]

one of the things i hate most about masking is that i’m giving out a false projection of myself to people that i desperately want to know the real me

[ineedfairypee]

Aww she's shy 🙈

[beinganautismgirl]

This.

I hide my meltdowns and no one has ever seen me have one. I'm not lying, this is just how it is. I do not trust anyone to see me have a meltdown, it looks like I'm sobbing and crying and freaking out over absolutely nothing, but my nervous system is on fire and I am usually feeling completely terrified and helpless.