#spn 13x04 meta

[vendettasfanfictioning]

"Dean didn't love Cas," "It was platonic," fuck off, when Cas died, he handled his loss the exact same way John did when he lost Mary. It's not even subtext, it's in the dialogue. Sam points it out, loud and clear. That's literally what the narrative was conveying.

"He's not just grieving about Cas, he lost Mary too." Yeah, but even when he's hellbent on blaming all of their loss on Jack, even he could see that Mary made her choice.

But to him, Cas didn't. To Dean, Cas was manipulated—deceived by some idea of "paradise," and it's easier to swallow that than to consider that Cas up and left them to protect Lucifer's child.

And you wanna know the cherry on top of all this??? Castiel's paradise consisted of them, together. Happy. Alive. Together. Castiel may have run away with Kelly to fulfill her wish for Jack, (to let him keep his powers where the Winchesters wanted to turn him human), but he only did so for that promise. In the end, he ran away so he could give them this.

(x)

[restlesshush]

God so I’m rewatching early s13 and the thing is trying to have Jack come out of that whole situation without significant emotional damage? It’s too late by the end of 13x04. We’ve already lost before Cas even comes back. And specifically the reason we lose Then is because 13x04 when Jack comes to the conclusion that he can win re Dean’s treatment of him. Before then – even though he thinks he Dean might be right – he lets himself be outwardly resentful of Dean’s behaviour towards him (and even Sam’s!), but then in 13x04 he learns “no you can get Dean’s approval if you try hard enough”, and so this is when his behaviour changes. His inclination to express resentment declines massively because expressing resentment and holding things against Dean isn’t conducive to Winning at this and he’s established he can Win.

And so then when Cas comes back in tombstone, he doesn’t have the opportunity to try and undo Dean’s work, or to see that he needs to remove Jack from the situation, because Jack no longer sees the value in communicating any of what happened to him. Cas obviously does have a tendency to excuse Dean’s behaviour both in general and specifically towards Jack, but a big difference between him and Sam in this regard is that while Sam does this because he feels trapped in the situation, and doesn’t see any option other than trying to mitigate things as best he can, for Cas a significant motivating factor (alongside his low self worth meaning he doesn’t see very much wrong with poor treatment of him) is Enjoyment in Dean’s company, which excusing Dean’s actions is sometimes necessary to facilitate. He does brush off Dean pointing the gun at Jack in tombstone (in order to keep a light, comfortable vibe), but because he doesn’t feel unable to leave in the way that Sam does, if he perceived Jack as significantly distressed by Dean’s behaviour (especially before the situation is established and he feels invested in maintaining it), he is capable of performing essentially a cost/benefit analysis and taking Jack and leaving. But this doesn’t happen, because after 13x04 Jack no longer sees any advantage to conveying Dean’s behaviour towards him, and so Cas never finds out.

Anyway Jack calls for Cas and wakes him up from the empty because he’s distressed by Dean’s behaviour towards him, but by the time Cas gets back it’s already too late and the damage is done.

[tinkdw]

13x04: oh you have a meta list to make canon do you?

- Jack watching Star Wars just made me laugh so hard - @margarittet‘s excellent meta about how this whole thing is a star wars parallel

- Sam and Jack being honest whilst Dean in contrast is not

- Sam (& I love that Jared delivered this line) talking about the positives of therapy YES (for real life) but also amazing given what Cas is going through this episode.

- DEAN IS CHANNELING JOHN AND THIS IS NOT META THIS IS TEXTUAL THANK YOU

- Dean: “What gets burned stays dead” - CUTS TO CAS - Dean: “I have no hope left” - CUTS TO CAS SUBTLE GUYS. SUBTLE.

- Dean’s big pause with the same face as in 02 (the you don’t know how I’m feeling direct parallel to Sam/Jess) when Sam is talking about grief and “moving on....from mom” with the CLEAR undertone that this isn’t just about mom for Dean (or Sam? is he actually referring to Cas here himself? Hm!)

- “He’s not our intern” LMAO @elizabethrobertajones :p

- Monsters have a choice to be good or bad. Re-emphasised again by Kelly “it doesn’t matter who you are but what you do”. Did they just quote Batman? *insert Dean I’m batman gif* anyway, one of the gifs I’ve been using as a theme of season 13 since APRIL?

- Sam’s grief over Mary killed me, just.... YES this needed saying and I’m here for it. Sam is suffering for what he never had, the loss. Sam addressing it himself but also pushing back on Dean.

(also yeah I really really don’t want to make everything about Dean/Cas but the theme of grieving for something that was right there within reach but you never got the chance to have? COME ON!) 

- Dean accepting at the end that yes he has valid reasons to be grieving but he shouldn’t take it out on Sam *happy dance*.

- Dean’s grief for Cas has already been shown over the last 3 episodes, I’m so ok with what we got here, it was great. We didn’t need more grief for Cas, we had actual Cas in this episode and we had another clear at the END of the episode link between Dean’s nihilism and Cas being his sunshine. Excellent.

- Oh, Jack talking about having emotions sometimes but feeling empty? Nephilim/grace issue? LINKED TO CAS TOO. PLEASE yes continue this theme I, human!Cas aficionado need this so badly.

- Depression!Cas:

x  and the link to season 9′s “who do you love” opener all about CAS. YES :D

- CAS FACING HIMSELF AND HIS DEPRESSION IN THE EMPTY. FIGHTING THE DEPRESSION EVEN WHEN IT TELLS HIM HE’S USELESS. FIGHTING BACK. WINNING. *insert every flailing happy gif EVER* ALL THE KUDOS. Then:

- Catharsis. Mentioning catharsis on the show. Which is what this whole show is with it’s psychological aspects for so many people, it’s what drags so many of us in. NOW THEY TALK ABOUT IT IN THE SHOW!! Addressing this. Amazing!

*Tink stares into the camera*

- Cas fighting his OWN way out of the empty YES THANK YOU THIS IS PSYCHOLOGICALLY EXACTLY WHAT WAS NEEDED.

- Dean addressing that the needs Sam to have faith because he has none. Because he is nihilistic, because he doesn’t believe in a damn thing...what is the difference here between Sam and Dean?

If they’ve both addressed their grief for Mary this episode? What is the additional thing Dean is dealing with? Why does he need Sam to be strong for him? Because he can’t? WHY IS IT WORSE FOR DEAN?

=> CUT TO CAS feeling the sunshine on his face in his new depression-less visual representation outfit.

Merideth can stay :p

I mean..... everything we have talked about is being made TEXTUAL. Not just Dean/Cas but all the rest too.

IN THE TEXT.

ON THE SHOW.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[amwritingmeta]

13x04: What’s the Deal with Catharsis?

This isn’t funny anymore. I am not okay. I’m in a state of needing to do laps around my room (and the room is roomy enough to be comfy) (but roomy enough for doing laps in it ain’t). All this excess energy is making me sweat even when I sit still!! (I exaggerate) But Jesus Mary and Joseph the writers and cast and crew and the whole shebang and shindig is giving us... SO MUCH. *everything* 

So, here’s the recipe for Deconstructing Dean: 

You take Dean Winchester, you make him slam all his walls back in place and you drain him of the want to feel anything, because the pain is too much to handle, so if he feels it, he knows it’ll fucking break him, right? 

Now for the most crucial part: you make him act the part of his father and you make him latch onto that persona, one that he’s cultivated within himself in order to be the good son, the responsible big brother, the dutiful soldier, the hero. Only this time you make this persona into what it really is without the warmth and hope and love that is at the heart of Dean Winchester: you make it a shell. You make it obvious that this persona is based in the lie Dean has always told himself of who he needs to be in order to cope, in order to be strong, to carry all this weight placed on his shoulders from too young an age. 

And Dean himself doesn’t even believe in this lie anymore: 

Refusing to listen to Miriam’s tirades and his comment of “I’m just a guy doing a job” in 13x01 began to deliver a sense of maturity, of Dean truly on the cusp of growing the fuck up

In 13x02 this was pushed further with Jack’s line: Pain is part of the complete human experience. Accepting it is a sign of maturity.

In 13x03, Dean’s actual aversion to his toxic masculinity and his need to address it and reject it was highlighted through every plot line in that episode being rooted in Dean’s self-examination and what he needs to understand: no one can tell you who you are - you choose who to be. (choice and identity) (like wow)

By 13x04 it’s clear to this meta writer exactly how much Dean knows his performance is a shell, but there’s no way he can let go of it. It’s his safety net now, keeping all the feelings at bay. Feelings are weaknesses, his performance says, and shuts them all out

Save one, of course, and that’s the anger

How is it highlighted to us that he knows the performance is a shell? 

--> By him asking Sammy to keep the faith for the both of them. 

Dean’s aware of what he’s doing, he’s so aware of shutting everyone out, and he knows, deep down, that it isn’t him, that he wants to believe they can save Mary because he can see that there’s a chance, but right now... all faith has drained from him because the root of his hope for the future has been taken away. (yes of course that’s Cas)

How else can we ascertain that Dean, deep down, wants to mature?

Well, how about -->

Sam: He was really into the whole catharsis thing. Dean: Yeah, sure, who wouldn’t be, if it’s like another word for happy ending?

Now, they really, really could’ve written this line in a way that didn’t imply that Dean is actually saying what? He is saying that he can understand why Wes was into the whole catharsis thing when catharsis was another word for happy ending. Meaning Dean can understand why someone would want to work on themselves on the basis of getting their happy ending. MEANING DEAN WINCHESTER WANTS A HAPPY ENDING. He still wants that long and happy life, he just doesn’t see it anymore for REASONS.

FFS. (FOR FUCK’S SAKE)

And for someone who abjectly dismisses the idea of therapy as bullcrap and thinks the whole thing is like snake oil for the mind...

Okay, so, I know Dean is anti-everything here. I get it. He is demonstrating how little faith he has in this brain-scrambling, emotion-combing time waster of an endeavour, right? But I just want to look a tiny bit closer at this specific moment in this scene.

Because look at Dean’s body language --> it’s completely open. 

Jensen is formidable in using body language and those famed micro-expressions to tell us tons about Dean. That’s because he’s a formidable actor and using body language and micro-expressions is part of his job. Human communication is more than 50% based in body language, so to say that this tool for subtext doesn’t matter to the story, that the visual narrative is a layer that can be dismissed as unimportant, is mildly insane. Just in case anyone ever says that. (I bid you stop it) (not to be bossy) (just please seriously)

Also, look at Jared sat at the edge of that sofa, Dean taking up space, spreading himself out like an alpha male. Sam looks more defensive than Dean here, and considering where this scene is headed, there’s no wonder. What’s so subtle about this, though, is that by the end of the episode we’ll get a small catharsis from Dean, where he puts words to how he’s feeling, answering the question from Sam that opens the entire episode, so Dean’s open body language towards Sam here can also be seen as foreshadowing of that, that he’s open wide to the fact that Sam is actually right. *slow eyebrow raise*

And then there’s how Dean asks his question:

Mom was great, now she’s dead-->

--> Dismissive to a fault, because Dean’s grief truly is not tied to Mary, because deep down Dean can see the worth in Sam’s belief that they can get her back, underneath all that pain there is still a glimmer of hope.

What’s the deal with catharsis?-->

--> Yeah, exactly - Dean throws this out there and does so immediately. Again, it of course has to do with his attitude towards therapy in general, it’s to do with the anger masking his pain, but it’s also a defence mechanism, because he isn’t ready to be open, no matter how much he subconsciously wants to be, or feels he needs to be. Asking this question here just underlines this already hinted at need, because deep down Dean wants to believe there’s something that can somehow lead him to a happy ending, he wants to know what the deal with catharsis is for himself, because he wants to have faith in the future again. He just can’t right now, because his future burned on a pyre not very long ago. 

I mean the GROWING PAINS of it all! Dean Winchester is maturing into an adult before our very eyes and it makes me so fucking happy for him!! And what does that small moment at the end of the episode, the moment of very very tentative catharsis (hopefully leading to a properly significant moment in 13x05) still give him? That one tiny line of dialogue where he admits to Sam how Sam’s been right in calling him out on his behaviour and how he doesn’t want to be like this forever, it’s just for now, because right now he doesn’t believe in a damn thing.

It gets him this -->

*fffflllaaaiiilll*

[jensensitive]

5x03

13x04

13x06

(scripts)

Tiptoe Through the Tulips lyrics

Knee deep in flowers we'll stray We'll keep the showers away And if I kiss you in the garden, in the moonlight Will you pardon me And tiptoe through the tulips with me?

(the Netherlands was the first country to introduce a legal form of gay marriage) (personal space thoughts) (tulips meaning)

[mrcowboydeanwinchester]

the start of s13 is wild because it's so focused on dean's grief that sam just. doesn't get any. so maybe he thinks mary's still alive but his mother is still physically unreachable and he has no idea what has happened to her, which is arguably just as mentally draining and horrific a thing to go through. and cas was his closest friend and he's properly dead; sam was at his funeral. sam watched his best friend die but because cas is closer to dean sam cannot mourn him. and i know it's because dean is the Main Character and has the closest emotional ties with everyone and sam is trying to be the one that helps him and is prioritising dean's grief over his own but god. there's literally no room for his sadness he's hiding his grief in his own house

[deanwasalwaysbi]

Wait.

Cas died in the overcoat with a striped tie

When Jack woke Cas up in the empty he was wearing what he died in, but he woke up in the meadow in a trench with a blue tie.

Jack or the Empty ... or Cas himself, brought Cas back as his projection of himself.

If Dean was wearing Cas's striped tie in the finale (he wasn't but it was close) does that mean he removed and kept Cas's tie before he burned the body and has kept it all this time?

[billiewena]

Thinking about a slightly alternate 13x04 where the shapeshifter (the bad one, not Mia Vallens my beloved) continues the episode’s theme of turning into its victims’ recently deceased loved ones by transforming into Castiel.

It’s a 1-2 punch for obvious mid-Widow Arc reasons but also for an episode all about the relationships the three of them never got to have with their parents (Mary in their case, Kelly and Cas in Jack’s case.)

It starts when Sam briefly mentions Cas in the session while discussing how Dean hasn’t been processing his grief (revealing their mom isn’t the only one they’ve “lost” recently.) After Sam leaves the room, Mia namedrops him while calling out Dean. He’s of course very blunt and vague about it.

When Jack shows Mia his mom’s prerecorded message, it’s a portion of the video we haven’t seen where Kelly briefly mentions Cas by name. Mia asks about him and Jack explains that Cas was also his father. However, not only did he never get to meet him...he doesn’t even know what he looks like. The most he saw was through Kelly. He believes that he was a good person though. This is of course happening in-between all the scenes of Cas getting reprimanded by The Empty for his mistakes and regrets.

The episode continues as normal, with the Mia!Kelly scene and the shapeshifter knocking Dean out and taking his form (getting access to all his memories as a result) to attack Jack & Mia. When he notices Dean wake up and him trying to wake Jack up too, he decides to get him to shut up by taking on another form — Cas.

Dean goes silent and tries to compose himself because he knows it’s just a shifter, but his face gives him away. Shifter!Cas sees enough to taunt him and use his reaction to claim that the work Mia’s doing clearly isn’t helping people at all.

Jack comes to and is confused why Dean is acting different but tries to get them out of the cuffs all the same. Sam arrives and says “Cas?” when he sees the shifter. Jack realizes whose form he’s in and why Dean’s reaction was that way. He hesitates to kill him but Dean grimly reminds Jack that it’s not really him...it’ll never be able to be him.

The shifter still shoots, Jack still stops it and Sam still gets the kill. Mia also still offers to take care of the body both because she sees it as her responsibility and because she’d know it’ll cause pain for them. It’s noticeably hard for Dean to look at dead Shifter!Cas but Jack does take him in one last time while he still can because this is the only chance he thinks he’ll get (this also explains why he recognizes Cas in 13x06 but that’s besides the point.)

Later on at the bunker after Dean tells him he did a good job, Jack stops him and asks, “Dean? What was Castiel like?”

Dean hesitates but says something along the lines of, “He was...intense. Powerful. Naive. Impulsive. A little weird. But caring. And good.” Before leaving the room he adds, “He was a lot like you.”

[laora-inn]

Supernatural - Destiel in 13x04, or Why Cas can’t die

Hi, guys.

In the light of Destiel angst that is waiting for us in 15x18, I want to return to Dean’s grieving arc in season 13, ep. 1-5, when he thought he lost Cas forever.

It’s no secret that Dean was acting like John Winchester back then. Sam’s words, not our assumptions!

You can read about these parallels in @obsessionisaperfume's great post. If you’ve not seen it yet, just go and read. 

Here is one quote:

It was Mary’s name that was not mentioned when Dean was growing up. Now, all season long it has been Cas’ name that Dean chokes on, Cas whose death he can’t forget, Cas whom he mentions before Mary without fail and only under provocation.

If Dean is destroyed, it isn’t by losing Mary.  He’s already lost her once, and this is almost a reversion to previous status quo.  He’s destroyed (lost everything, doesn’t believe in anything, this is the “lowest we’ve ever seen him”) by losing Cas.

So if this parallel holds, the fact that John’s behavior changed after his wife (his romantic partner) died indicates that Dean’s behavior changed because of the loss of a romantic partner.

All the arc of season 13, ep. 1-5 is about Destiel and Dean’s inability to live without Cas. ‘Cause in 13x05 Dean basically killed himself for nothing, and it wasn’t some emotional decision. Unlike 11x17, THIS TIME it was well-thought. Dean was carrying injections with him. What for? 

Well, in 13x05 Billie said us. Dean just wanted to die. 

On the other hand, John Winchester somehow managed to live 22 years after Mary’s death. So what’s the difference between him who lost Mary and Dean who lost Cas? Why is it so devastating in Dean’s case? 

Here the reasons I suggest:

1) In 13x04 Mia speaks about grief journal. She asks Dean specifically about it after Sam’s said their father had one. It’s the hint - ‘cause John started his journal right after Mary’s death. It was basically his grief journal, with all the monsters inside. 

Dean doesn’t have his own journal. And doesn’t plan to have. Like Sam said in 13x04, “my brother is not processing his grief”.

2) John had an established relationship with Mary. They were spouses. 

Dean didn’t have an ”official” relationship with Cas, despite of all the feelings between them. Now he has no chance even to know what this relationship could look like. Just like Sam said about Mary - “And now I will never have it?!” 

3) After Mary’s death John still had two small kids to look after. Maybe, he wasn’t a great father, but he raised them. They could be dead without him. 

Well, after Cas’s death Dean still has Sam and Jack to look after. But they are adults. Sam became physically independent long time ago, Jack looks like an adult and HAS SAM WHO’LL LOOK AFTER him. 

Just like in some point Sam had Dean who’d looked after him.

And that, my friends, is an unconscious reason why Sam in 13x04 called Jack his brother. He sees Jack as a younger brother to look after. And says that Dean is sounding like dad to him. 

You know, this thing was bothering me all the time. Does Jack really have 3 step-fathers, Sam, Dean and Cas? Clearly it’s Sam whom Jack trusts the most, Sam was the first man whom Jack saw after he was born. Clearly it’s Dean whose appreciation Jack wants the most, whom he is fishing with, like Dean was with his dad. Also it’s Dean who promises to talk with him about sex. And clearly it’s Cas whose love for Jack is absolutely unconditional, like... oh, wait. Like his mother’s love was. 

So technically Jack has 3 step-fathers, but in fact their roles are divided like this: "father”, “mother” and “brother”, who is like third parent to Jack and is closer to him than dead “mother” and angry after “her” death, desperate drinking “father” are. 

This situation is very similar to John, Mary, Dean and Sam family dynamics. Especially if we’ll consider the circumstances of Mary’s death. 

Mary made a deal to save John (and the world, as we understand from season 13 - without Sam and Dean, their children, the world would be ruined by angels). Her son, Sam, had some “evil” in him. John knew it. He didn’t accuse him of Mary’s death, not literally, but he ordered Dean to save Sam or TO KILL him. And yep - Sam has BLOOD of Mary’s killer in him. 

Well, Cas went to Kelly to save the world AND Dean from the great evil. Jack, who recognizes Cas as his father himself, is in fact Lucifer’s son. It’s Lucifer who killed Cas. So Jack has some "evil” in him and definitely has BLOOD of Cas’s killer. Dean knows it. And he wants to kill Jack, because he thinks Jack can’t be saved... until understands that Jack is like Sam and Sam can save him. 

And here the 4th reason comes, why, unlike John, Dean can’t live without his romantic partner. The main one. 

4) Unlike John, revenge has never been Dean’s driving force. He just wants to protect his family, and after Cas’s death he can’t. He fails all the time - in 13x01 while fighting angels, in 13x02 while fighting demons. Without Sam he will be dead for sure. In 13x03 it’s Patience who saves his life. In 13x04 - Jack. In 13x05 - Sam again. Dean can’t protect anyone, he can’t even protect himself anymore. So in 13x05 he chooses to die.

This statement will be also proved by 15x09, where Cas is in the Mal’ak box and Dean just gives up. 

That’s Sam who is driven by revenge, not Dean. It was like that in season 1, when Sam lost Jess. In season 2, when he lost John. In seasons 3-4, when he lost Dean. In season 15, when he lost Eileen. (Situation with Mary in season 13 doesn’t match here, because Sam thinks she is alive and has a plan how to save her. That’s why here he is calm and has no death wish. As for Cas - he was never so close to Sam than to Dean, so Sam wasn’t influenced by his death). 

But it’s not true for Dean and it never was. 

That’s why he just can’t make it without Cas.

And that’s why Cas can’t be dead at the end of the show. 

[jjongleurs]

13x04 is about a case in which a shapeshifiting therapist transforms into deceased loved ones to help her patients process grief something something and the empty appears to Cas as himself something something people being killed by their deceased loved ones' doppelgangers. I can't put the pieces together yet but there's something there.

[write-nerdy-to-me]

MIA/KELLY: Jack. It doesn’t matter what you are. It matters what you do. And even monsters can do good in this world.

JACK: You really believe that?

MIA/KELLY: I have to. I have to.

something something dean is a “monster” who does good in this world. dean winchester, the ultimate killer. no, that’s not who i am. everything you’ve done -- the good and the bad -- you have done for love. it doesn’t matter what you are; it matters what you do.

[tinkdw]

Hi Tink! So I'm obsessed with Cas and generally just want the best for him. But one thing that rubs me wrong is how the show sometimes makes Cas' depression part of the plot but other times just ignores it? (Like the convo where Cas says if he sees what he did to heaven he might kill himself) As a depressed person it brings me hope to see Cas grow and (sort of) get better. Do you think it'll be addressed this season at all? Or will it be swept under the rug again? I wanna give poor Cas a hug :/

I’m not quite sure how to answer this as I’ve talked for the last year about Cas’ depression, how I think it really was being addressed and likely he was going to die and be reborn and it happen exactly as it did in the show and how this was so fantastic as a metaphorical addressing of his depression…

So I’m really sorry but I think the show HAS addressed it, big time, like…. this literally WAS a whole 2 year long addressing of his depression to then lead to a huge climax moment where he fought it off! It was beautiful and epic!

x

That’s exactly what this was, I wrote a whole excited thing about the symbolism and closure on his depression as soon as it happened I was so excited about it.

So yeah, I’m sorry I just don’t see that the show has swept it under the rug, like, at all, they made a huge freaking deal about it and made it a core part of his own individual character arc from 10x23 to 13x04 (then of course parts before this stemming from his first moments on screen to his endgame, but in terms of textual depression I think this is the key part, ramping up since 7x17 up to his big breakdown in 11x03 and the really deep pit of despair after that).

Oh also, you mentioned when Cas is pretty depressed and thinks he might kill himself like that was never addressed again… yeah, that’s an ANDREW DABB episode, the one I talk about all the time as the one episode meta callback to all of Dabb era. So this surprises me to the amount of zilch that late Carver era / Dabb era made Cas’ depression central to his plot arc and that Dabb addressed it so overtly and blatantly during his showrunning period. I can’t count the number of times I have quoted 8x08 in reference to Dabb era and specifically Cas’ depression as a huge clear mirror… oh and again only last episode with the whole “the Angels are going extinct please save us it’s all your fault in the first place we are already so few” guilt trip thing that is nearly an exact line for line callback to that scene.

Sometimes I think I need to replace my Dabb gif with just one that says 8x08 :p

Seriously if someone wants a low down on what Dabb era is like just get them to watch After School Special and Hunter Heroici it’s quicker.

Will they every say “Cas is/was depressed and he isn’t anymore” on screen? No. But then they don’t address Sam and Dean’s mental health overtly in this way either, it’s all about reading the stories and the metaphors and subtext like this one ^ until they get to endgame.

We just learned that Bobo planned to write Jack’s family and belonging speech in 13x09 in the subtext and was told it had to be made text (blatantly to make it more obvious to people) so it doesn’t surprise me at all that as a continuation of most of SPN’s mental/emotional themes this is highly subtextual and not said out loud, just as it never was that Dean was Sam’s parent until right at the climax/end point of their toxic codependency. 

The whole show thrives off the subtext not being textual, it gives it the depth.

But I AM sure that he is going to get his happy endgame and this standing up to his depression to fight forwards is a big part of it, he will need to continue to do so, to keep getting better, yes he’s hugely better now with the sunshine and rebirth symbolism but he has to keep going, depression isn’t something that just goes away it has to be kept at bay and worked on, I know myself too.

Personally I’m very happy with how thy did it, I hope this sheds a little more light onto why I don’t believe it’s swept under the rug at all but has been portrayed very well and he really did stand up to it and say no, I am already saved and saved himself. I’m not saying you have to think this but this is my view as you asked me if I think they’ll do it, well, I think they already have :)

[amwritingmeta]

13x04: Peel Back the Layers, Dean Winchester

So, many of us - if not all - have been flailing over this image, hoping against all hope that it would be tied somehow to Dean shedding his performing side and allowing himself to just be himself. BAMF dirt under his fingernails caring loving soft hunter that he is. And, of course, that is EXACTLY what this image is tied to. I say this way way way too much on this blog but here it comes for the nosebleed section: mind fucking blown to bits.

*they are giving us everything* *prostrate position on the floor*

Let me extrapolate and dig into the the feminine/masculine theme, which has always been present on this show, but that is focused on in interesting ways this season. 

So, I realised how closely linked this theme is with Dean’s character progression when I wrote my 4x05 meta and in that episode - Monster Movie - the entire narrative, as I see it, revolves around this theme, and the thematic question of Who Am I? Yeah, not much has changed since those days, has it? (thank goodness) (because they’re about to let Dean answer that question for himself) (*tap dancing across tables*)

Here’s how I see it -->

The Feminine, simply put, is Dean’s non-performing side

The Masculine - the toxically so - is Dean’s performing side

When these two find balance with each other that balance will cancel out the toxic masculinity and Dean will be free to be himself, which is a combination of the good qualities of his feminine side and the good qualities of his masculine side. Dean will always be Dean, but he’ll be able to embrace his feelings, his inner nurturer and caretaker: his mothering side, if you will. This while rejecting the toxic masculinity that keeps his need for control so prevalent, that keeps him from trusting, putting his faith in others and believing himself worthy of others putting their trust and faith in him, of good things happening to him, of salvation and a long and happy life.

So, then. What does all this have to do with a shifter peeling his face off?

Well, ironically it’s a shifter that first brought the masculine/feminine theme to my attention, because a shifter with a skewed sense of self takes the focus of the 4x05 narrative, where he’s one of the prominent representatives of toxic masculinity. In 13x04, our shifter - Buddy - takes on that role in an even more on-the-nose portrayal as Buddy literally embodies everything that makes toxic masculinity so... toxic.

Buddy is controlling, selfish, compulsive, obsessive, violent, destructive. Poisonous. I mean, they could not have made it clearer that this male figure is not someone to emulate. He ruins lives for the fun of it. He dresses himself in the skin of loved ones, pretending to be someone to be trusted, only to get close to his intended victim in order to kill them, which to me rings out like a gong of a metaphor for Dean’s self-blame, as Dean’s reliance on Cas and inability to be open and honest with him about where that reliance stems from - to Dean - is most likely the reason Cas is dead. (and narratively it kinda is) (sorry Dean) (tell the people you love that you love them) (or show them) (or make sure they know you want them to stay with you) (and they’re not just a weapon)

So what made me think of Buddy as a Dean mirror - apart from the face peel?

Well, let’s take a look at two Dean Winchester moments in this episode that stand out to me in this context:

*sloth slow eyebrow raise*

These two distinct moments are both all demonstrative of how Dean is utterly rejecting his feminine side. 

Both times - no, let me repeat that - BOTH TIMES in direct relation to a mention of John, when Sam calls Dean out for “starting to sound like dad”, Dean responding “is that a bad thing?” (!!!YES IT IS DEAN!!!), and then Sam mentions John in relation to keeping a journal, which John did, and Dean rejects as not the same thing [because John’s journal was for fact keeping, not jotting down girly feelings]. 

He not only separates himself from the feminine - but John, too.

I mean, obviously he would do that.

But what is this season doing if not forcing Dean to take a good, hard, long look at exactly why he’s putting up a facade, at exactly how his idolatry of his father has informed his personality to such a degree that its become an armour to dress himself in? This season is about deconstructing John as much as it is about deconstructing Dean, but it’s the John inside Dean’s head that needs deconstructing, just as Mary did in S12. Mary was allowed to become flesh and bone, a real human being, a person, with wants and needs of her own.

“I am your mother - but I am not just a mom.”

It’s time for the ghost of John that Dean has kept alive in his head - however subconscious the keeping alive has been - to have its bones salted and burned.

Realising that his mother is her own person, no matter how much she’s still searching for her true identity as well, is the stepping stone for Dean realising the same of his father. That the ghost traces of John kept alive inside Dean is kept alive through Dean’s perceptions, and misconceptions, of John Winchester. 

As children, we rarely actually know our parents. We know them as our parents, but it’s always hard to view their flaws as part of their humanity, their mistakes and bad choices as part of their struggles, their life journey, their life progression - a progression that, fundamentally, is actually separate from our own. Just as it can be equally difficult for a parent to remember this about their child. Well, to simplify something as complex as this topic, because, of course, there are as many different circumstances informing the parent-child bond as there are parents with kids, so all I can really draw on here is my reading of Dean and where he’s at right now in his individual arc. 

And where he’s at is needing to see that his convictions of who he needs to be in order to keep Sammy safe - and, by extension, the world - which has been the root of Dean’s whole sense of self, the root for his identity up until now, is based on the influences of his father, absolutely, but that Dean is choosing to perpetuate this conviction. It’s Dean’s choice to put on this suit of armour because he’s been brought up to believe that feelings are weaknesses, and without the suit of armour he not only feels things too damn acutely (too big a heart and all that), but he also fears that not wearing this armour - this performance - means he can’t protect anyone, which leaves him not knowing who he is or how to behave or what his purpose is or what his worth could possibly be. 

He has to realise that he was brought up to be the hammer, but innately he’s the shield - and just as much the protector because of it. 

Dean has to understand that he can choose not to put on that armour and it will not affect who he is, because the armour was always a facade, it does not inform his personality in the slightest. He has always been him, he’s just been tied down by fear and insecurity and doubt. He’s allowed others (the influence of his father, as influenced by his marine background, heavily influenced by societal norms) to dictate who he can be, who he should be, and yes, this exact thematic focus keeps being hit on again and again this season.

Again and again and again.

There is no weird, everyone’s normal in their own way.

You are who you choose to be.

You try to force it down to make someone else happy, you’ll only make yourself miserable.

Dean is by 13x04 in a glorious place. I do so love it here. I like to call it the Cusp. He is right on the Cusp, peeps. And I’m dancing.

Anyway, back to the episode.

We have the Toxic Masculinity Representative, right?

Oh, yeah. Big time.

And what else do we have? We have the strong, kickass, smart, no-nonsense representative of awesomeness. (oops I mean Femininity.) Because Mia takes one look at Dean, at his performance, at his anger, his bottled up emotions, his rejecting his brother because Sam is consistently being open and honest and pushing for openness and honesty, for Dean to take the healthy approach, Mia sums all of this up in about ten seconds flat, tries to prod Dean into opening up and when he lashes out (”ever since I was a little girl” he says to the narrative representative of his feminine side and it’s fucking beautiful, to my mind) Mia doesn’t waste a beat before she calls him out on his behaviour.

On how he’s taking his anger out on Sam and how his performance, his armour, is making it impossible for him to relate to Sam, and how his brother truly is grieving as well. And she calls him out on how his performance is rendering Jack - aka the representative of change and reaching balance - petrified of him. (oh yeah Dean is fighting this transformation) (because it is scary as all hell) (because there’s no reason for this transformation anymore) (because Cas is gone) (so there is no long and happy future) (well... wait for it, Dean... wait for it... have a little patience...) 

Now let’s move into the most significant moment of this episode, which just serves to hammer all of the feminine/masculine theme home to me -->

Not only is Mia empathic, nurturing and caring (she wants to help) - she also gets to visually step into the good mother role (one of the strongest symbols of positive femininity throughout this show) as she shifts into the shape of Kelly, allowing Jack one final moment with his mother and telling him that even monsters can do good, allowing Jack to have a newfound sense of faith in himself - of course leading right to him being able to save Sam. 

Then, after shedding the outer layer of Dean Winchester - very, very visually tying himself to Dean Winchester - Buddy the Shifter begins to spew his poison, focusing primarily on how he resents her for leaving him, believing she could make a life for herself without him, and now he’s there to destroy that life. He’s going to make her kill again.

Translation: the toxic masculinity is telling the strong, kickass femininity that she’s worthless without him, dictating to her who she is and that she will never be rid of him, and all this, we know, is because of the mistakes she’s made in the past, where she let him rule her life, guide her onto the wrong path and influence her.

Yeah, Dean. Suck on that. LOOK AT HIS FACE! (I love his face)

And what does the strong, kickass femininity do? She does this -->

She says Hell No. You will not tell me who I am, not ever again. I will not listen to you, be beaten down by you or succumb to you, not ever again. I would rather die - wholly myself - than follow you anywhere ever again. 

This effectively does what? It nullifies Dean’s performance-fuelled notion that all things female are associated with weakness, with being submissive and taking orders - never doling them out, because look at this BAMF female, standing up for herself like a goddamn warrior.

Now, what is truly intriguing to me is that Dean stays cuffed in this scene - cuffed by Buddy, no less - and Jack can’t get him loose, Jack can’t do anything, until Sam’s in danger. Sam, who is representative of what? The supportive, empathic, increasingly balanced guardian figure, whose honestly caring about Jack, trying his best to guide him. Here’s the most intriguing part: Sam is the one to shoot the toxic masculinity representative.

Back in good old 4x05, the Girl of the Week - Jamie (representing strong, kickass femininity) - shoots the shifter (toxic masculinity), but in that episode the shifter also puts Dean in bonds that he can’t get out of, needing Sam’s help. I’m getting the increasingly overwhelming feeling that Dean truly needs Sam to push him into the next stage of his character development, and it’s small wonder - Dean has functioned as Sam’s parental figure, but Sam is an adult now, and isn’t it time Sam got to confront his childhood influence as much as it’s time for Dean to confront John? 

Sam providing Dean with the final bolt in the machinery that sets him on a path of no return, where Dean will have to face the questions Who am I? and Who do I want to be? head on makes absolute sense to me. Protect Sammy has been Dean’s inner motto since Dean was four years old. Sam doesn’t need protecting anymore, Sam is stepping up to be Dean’s equal, so it would make for a rather beautiful bookend to Dean’s internal journey if the root motto, instilled in him by John, is shattered and left behind thanks to Sam’s good influence.

But I’ll dig into that in another post.

Oh, also, I just love these blues, purples and pinks (and the fact that the only real splash of colour in the first scene set in Mia’s office is a bright pink flower) (yeah they’re going all out with the pink and blue makes purple symbolism) (with splashes of yellow thrown in for good measure) (wonder why...) -->

There’s a bald eagle in a child’s drawing on the wall (unless my eyes deceive me). The eagle represents freedom and the courage to look ahead, and not only is it - as a national symbol - such a fantastic tie-back to the US itself, where equality, acceptance and democratic freedom is under attack at the moment, but it’s also related to this:

During the Sun Dance, which is practiced by many Plains Indian tribes, the eagle is represented in several ways. During the dance, a medicine man may direct his fan, which is made of eagle feathers, to people who seek to be healed. The medicine man touches the fan to the center pole and then to the patient, in order to transmit power from the pole to the patient. The fan is then held up toward the sky, so that the eagle may carry the prayers for the sick to the Creator.

I just thought this ^^^ was lovely - related to this painting or not - because this season feels like it’s so, so much about healing, about becoming whole.

M’kay, byeeeeeee.

[biceratops7]

A complete analysis of "who you love"

Ok, I'm sorry, I know I'm late but I just need to gut this scene. (I couldn't find a YouTube video with Spanish subtitles so please either trust me or look on Netflix)

The empty specifically uses the not only the word "who" as opposed to the "what" in "what you hate" (a very intentionally noticeable shift) but the blessed Spanish subtitles confirm this is in fact a singular who. Singular. As in one person. There are also different forms of love in Spanish and he's using the romantic form. (making a point of this because jack later uses the familial form to say the same sentence. So the writers know damn well the correct usage of the verb.)

As if this isn't evidence enough for the jig being up, listen to how he says it. He drops his voice to a condescending whisper and takes his sweet time with the word love. Like it's a scandalous secret.

Literally what's going on here is that the empty says to Cas "I know the person you're in love with" in a total exposing the elephant in the room kind of way.

But it's not over yet folks, everyone forgets about the last part, a very important part.

This is not only phrased explicitly as a question, but it shares the same screen time as Castiel's reaction to "who you love". He slowly looks up with fear in his eyes. Like his most private thoughts have been found out. (Which they have) The "what you fear" is a prompt to the confrontation of love, connecting it with fear, and Cas's response to that is a look of complete and utter panic. like something is dawning on him at the worst possible time.

And the cherry on this sundae of self doubt the empty is crafting for our angel?

[aoitrinity]

Tiptoeing Through the Tulips

I kept coming back to Qstiel talking to Cas about being in his head. Something about the phrasing was unusual enough that I felt I had to dig into it a little more deeply. Qstiel’s dialogue reads like this: “Oh save it. I have tiptoed through all your little tulips--your memories, your little feelings, yes. I know what you hate. (whispering) I know who you love. What you fear.”

We’ve all been focusing on the line about who Castiel loves--and oh sweet baby Jesus is that worth unpacking. But that line works best when we look at the whole speech: a speech about memories, feelings, hatred, love, and fear--all of which has something very interesting to do with tulips. So I investigated these tulips a bit more closely.

“Tiptoe Through the Tulips” is a famous song written in 1929 by Al Dubin and Joel Burke. The lyrics read as follows:

Tiptoe through the window By the window, that is where I'll be Come tiptoe through the tulips with me

Oh, tiptoe from the garden By the garden of the willow tree And tiptoe through the tulips with me

Knee deep in flowers we'll stray We'll keep the showers away And if I kiss you in the garden, in the moonlight Will you pardon me? And tiptoe through the tulips with me

Maybe it's flowers you stray will be the showers of life And when I kiss you in the garden in the moonlight Will you pardon me and tiptoe through the tulips with me?

The song is very clearly about a pair of lovers, one of whom is hesitant to kiss the other because he or she is unsure if the sentiment will be welcome. If we frame this with a Destiel perspective, it feeds very nicely into the line about who Cas loves...and what he fears. If the song is applied to Cas and Dean in this context, then Cas loves Dean...and fears it isn’t reciprocated.

Now even beyond this, I felt the need to google “tulip symbolism,” and here’s what popped up first (source). Pay special attention to the bold:

While it’s not the fanciest flower in the garden, the beauty and grace of a simple Tulips means the flower has become a symbol for meanings like:

Perfect, enduring love between partners or family members

Undying passionate love, whether the passion is spurned or returned

Royalty and a regal nature

Forgotten or neglected love

the 11th wedding anniversary

Abundance, prosperity, and indulgence

Charity and supporting the less fortunate 

A different website makes a similar claim, that “the meaning of tulips is generally perfect love.” This website says the same thing--that tulips symbolize “perfect love.”

Are you seeing a pattern yet?

The Empty has tiptoed through Cas’s tulips, it says. It has seen his perfect love, love that persists whether spurned or returned, whether forgotten or neglected. And judging from the song lyrics, this isn’t your standard familial love. No.

This is perfect romantic love. And at this point, there’s only one good candidate to act as the object of Cas’s perfect romantic love.

[deanwasalwaysbi]

Castiel - First on his mind - 13x01 - 13x05 - Destiel Canon in Early Season Thirteen

So I’m still not over this.  The confession before the confession. This is the moment that I completely stopped questioning whether Destiel was canon.  At the end of season 12 Dean has just lost everyone but Sam at once. There is not much whiskey spilled for Crowley, and Sam is unwilling to accept the loss of Mary, but neither of those are what Dean is focused on.

undefined

Dean prays to god - to chuck - I think for the only for only the second time in the entire series. Dean prays in earnest for the return of Castiel.  He mentions others but he has just lost his mother and yet his first demand is “and now you’re going to bring HIM back. You’re gunna bring them all back.”  

Dean mentions everyone, his family, bobby, even Crowley, but he starts with Castiel.  It parallels Castiel’s first version of the 15x18 deathbed confession in 12x12.  “I love you. I love all of you.”  A mirrored response.

Below the cut for full analysis of Dean’s prayer, grief, and closet themes in the first 1/4 of season 13.

Dean’s prayer goes unanswered and he beats the door up in a visual homage to brokeback mountain (x). It is at this point chronologically that Dean completely loses his shit.  In the car on the way to the pirate stop Dean is unable to say the words out loud. 

 “Let’s see, Crowley’s dead, Kelly’s dead, Cass is... ... Mom’s gone, and apparently the Devil’s kid hit puberty in 30 seconds flat.” 

Sam asks if Cass is really dead and unable to say those words Dean goes stoic as he can and says, “you know he is.” Dean’s upset, very upset, and that grief and anger is not focused on Mary.

Dean gains a tiny instantaneous moment of hope from a demon who then completely smashes it.

After his prayer Dean becomes completely inconsolable, an angry vengeance machine, the killer he used to project himself to be.  The change is supposed to be such a plot point, such a surprise twist, that it is only revealed LATER that it happened.  Such a major plot point that it must be teased and foreshadowed, with Sam asking Dean, “Dude, whatdiyou do to your hand?”  Giving the viewer their third clue that Dean did not have this cut on his hand from the fight with Lucifer and Jack.

Dean spends five full episodes without Castiel after dropping to his knees beside Castiel in 12x23, and in that time we see Dean unravel.  

In 13x01 he no longer cares about secrecy, immediately explaining the situation to the sheriff.  We see him choosing to approach Castiel’s body alone, looking upon him with such deep pain, tenderly wrapping, pausing multiple times to steel himself so he can finish that task.  Sam continues to get more and more concerned for Dean’s mental state.  Dean taking out his anger and rage and grief all on newborn Jack who continues to do nothing wrong and idolizes Dean.  

We see Dean drink himself under the table, rage against Sam and Jack, and actually become suicidal, killing himself in an unnecessary way with a flimsy excuse.  Billie sees it and notes something has changed.  He no longer believes he can win and no longer wants to live.     

At the shifter Psychiatrist, Dean says that Sam is delusional because Sam won’t admit that Mary is dead, “If he admits it then it’s real. If it’s real, then he has to deal with it, and he can’t handle that.”  Yet we repeatedly see Dean trails off unable to say the words that Castiel is dead.  This is not how Dean has reacted to the loss of Sam, John, Mary, Charlie, or any other familial loved one. 

In his loss of Castiel, Dean becomes John in the aftermath of his loss of Mary. Dean becomes the abusive father to Jack that he himself grew up with.  Jack has a moment of self harm and Dean ‘comforts’ Jack by telling him he’ll kill him so he can’t hurt anyone else. 

Jody’s Speech to Patience - In Contrast to Dean’s

In addition to Dean’s grief the writers show Dean struggle with his identity - with whether to stay in the closet.  In the third episode of the season - Patience - Dean tells Patience to deny who she really is. 

“This life, [hunting] there’s no joy in it there’s nothing but pain horror and death. So if you get a chance at normal, you take it.”   

Jody corrects Dean. In disbelief.  “You don’t have to listen to him, to either of them if it’s not what you really want.” Jody then talks about her daughter Claire, her gay daughter Claire.  

“I asked her to stay in line, to fight who she really was ‘cause I thought it would keep her safe. It didn’t work. It never does. ... you try to force it down to make someone else happy, you will only make yourself miserable.”

If that isn’t a blatant acknowledgement of the metaphor I don’t know what is.  This stopped being subtext and became... text.  Jody has dropped Dean clues about overcoming toxic masculinity before. In 12x06 Jody and Dean talked about big feelings, and that conversation was preceded by Dean beings shocked that Jody could be both badass & like chick flicks at the same time.  She’s been teaching him. However, this time was much more directly and specifically about coming out of the closet, about living in a way that is true to yourself.

After the loss of Castiel, the Dean that had developed over 12 years was gone - and he only returns upon the return of Castiel, right in time for tombstone. 

Meanwhile we get Castiel’s side - where he is being tortured by the Empty with his love for Dean and his fear that Dean doesn’t love him in return. 

Everytime Dean can't say Cas is dead I die a little inside.

"...no matter who we lost, whether it was Dad or -- or Bobby or... And I would take the hit."

"...and now Mom and ... and Cas... And I -- I don't know. I don't know."

Dean was in love with Cas. Dean is bisexual. Dean has spent 12 years unwilling to admit it. 

Dean had been repeatedly lit in orange in the car rides, but the second he believes Castiel is alive his face is inexplicably relit in white light.

We then come to the final shots of the episode - where the camera COMPLETELY IGNORES SAM and focuses exclusively on zoom in reaction shots between Dean and Castiel while “It’s never too later to start all over again” plays in this conclusion to a five episode romantic longing and grief arc completely platonic reunion between two dude bros.  

We also see the Orange Light / Dean’s Ongoing Fear of Loss Motif come to it’s climax, the burning of Castiel’s body (13x01), and Castiel’s return (13x05).

I legitimately don’t know what the writers thought they were doing if they WEREN’T explicitly writing a romance story.

It was much later that we learned there was an angle we never got of their reunion, where Dean was cupping Cas's face and neck in his right hand.

But we do get the look on Dean's face in 13x06 when he's able to get his arms around Cas after he's deflected and called Cas 'Pal' again, Gif via @inacatastrophicmind

Bonus - Dean’s stages of grief by @mariethalienne