13x04: Peel Back the Layers, Dean Winchester
So, many of us - if not all - have been flailing over this image, hoping against all hope that it would be tied somehow to Dean shedding his performing side and allowing himself to just be himself. BAMF dirt under his fingernails caring loving soft hunter that he is. And, of course, that is EXACTLY what this image is tied to. I say this way way way too much on this blog but here it comes for the nosebleed section: mind fucking blown to bits.
*they are giving us everything* *prostrate position on the floor*
Let me extrapolate and dig into the the feminine/masculine theme, which has always been present on this show, but that is focused on in interesting ways this season.
So, I realised how closely linked this theme is with Dean’s character progression when I wrote my 4x05 meta and in that episode - Monster Movie - the entire narrative, as I see it, revolves around this theme, and the thematic question of Who Am I? Yeah, not much has changed since those days, has it? (thank goodness) (because they’re about to let Dean answer that question for himself) (*tap dancing across tables*)
Here’s how I see it -->
The Feminine, simply put, is Dean’s non-performing side
The Masculine - the toxically so - is Dean’s performing side
When these two find balance with each other that balance will cancel out the toxic masculinity and Dean will be free to be himself, which is a combination of the good qualities of his feminine side and the good qualities of his masculine side. Dean will always be Dean, but he’ll be able to embrace his feelings, his inner nurturer and caretaker: his mothering side, if you will. This while rejecting the toxic masculinity that keeps his need for control so prevalent, that keeps him from trusting, putting his faith in others and believing himself worthy of others putting their trust and faith in him, of good things happening to him, of salvation and a long and happy life.
So, then. What does all this have to do with a shifter peeling his face off?
Well, ironically it’s a shifter that first brought the masculine/feminine theme to my attention, because a shifter with a skewed sense of self takes the focus of the 4x05 narrative, where he’s one of the prominent representatives of toxic masculinity. In 13x04, our shifter - Buddy - takes on that role in an even more on-the-nose portrayal as Buddy literally embodies everything that makes toxic masculinity so... toxic.
Buddy is controlling, selfish, compulsive, obsessive, violent, destructive. Poisonous. I mean, they could not have made it clearer that this male figure is not someone to emulate. He ruins lives for the fun of it. He dresses himself in the skin of loved ones, pretending to be someone to be trusted, only to get close to his intended victim in order to kill them, which to me rings out like a gong of a metaphor for Dean’s self-blame, as Dean’s reliance on Cas and inability to be open and honest with him about where that reliance stems from - to Dean - is most likely the reason Cas is dead. (and narratively it kinda is) (sorry Dean) (tell the people you love that you love them) (or show them) (or make sure they know you want them to stay with you) (and they’re not just a weapon)
So what made me think of Buddy as a Dean mirror - apart from the face peel?
Well, let’s take a look at two Dean Winchester moments in this episode that stand out to me in this context:
*sloth slow eyebrow raise*
These two distinct moments are both all demonstrative of how Dean is utterly rejecting his feminine side.
Both times - no, let me repeat that - BOTH TIMES in direct relation to a mention of John, when Sam calls Dean out for “starting to sound like dad”, Dean responding “is that a bad thing?” (!!!YES IT IS DEAN!!!), and then Sam mentions John in relation to keeping a journal, which John did, and Dean rejects as not the same thing [because John’s journal was for fact keeping, not jotting down girly feelings].
He not only separates himself from the feminine - but John, too.
I mean, obviously he would do that.
But what is this season doing if not forcing Dean to take a good, hard, long look at exactly why he’s putting up a facade, at exactly how his idolatry of his father has informed his personality to such a degree that its become an armour to dress himself in? This season is about deconstructing John as much as it is about deconstructing Dean, but it’s the John inside Dean’s head that needs deconstructing, just as Mary did in S12. Mary was allowed to become flesh and bone, a real human being, a person, with wants and needs of her own.
“I am your mother - but I am not just a mom.”
It’s time for the ghost of John that Dean has kept alive in his head - however subconscious the keeping alive has been - to have its bones salted and burned.
Realising that his mother is her own person, no matter how much she’s still searching for her true identity as well, is the stepping stone for Dean realising the same of his father. That the ghost traces of John kept alive inside Dean is kept alive through Dean’s perceptions, and misconceptions, of John Winchester.
As children, we rarely actually know our parents. We know them as our parents, but it’s always hard to view their flaws as part of their humanity, their mistakes and bad choices as part of their struggles, their life journey, their life progression - a progression that, fundamentally, is actually separate from our own. Just as it can be equally difficult for a parent to remember this about their child. Well, to simplify something as complex as this topic, because, of course, there are as many different circumstances informing the parent-child bond as there are parents with kids, so all I can really draw on here is my reading of Dean and where he’s at right now in his individual arc.
And where he’s at is needing to see that his convictions of who he needs to be in order to keep Sammy safe - and, by extension, the world - which has been the root of Dean’s whole sense of self, the root for his identity up until now, is based on the influences of his father, absolutely, but that Dean is choosing to perpetuate this conviction. It’s Dean’s choice to put on this suit of armour because he’s been brought up to believe that feelings are weaknesses, and without the suit of armour he not only feels things too damn acutely (too big a heart and all that), but he also fears that not wearing this armour - this performance - means he can’t protect anyone, which leaves him not knowing who he is or how to behave or what his purpose is or what his worth could possibly be.
He has to realise that he was brought up to be the hammer, but innately he’s the shield - and just as much the protector because of it.
Dean has to understand that he can choose not to put on that armour and it will not affect who he is, because the armour was always a facade, it does not inform his personality in the slightest. He has always been him, he’s just been tied down by fear and insecurity and doubt. He’s allowed others (the influence of his father, as influenced by his marine background, heavily influenced by societal norms) to dictate who he can be, who he should be, and yes, this exact thematic focus keeps being hit on again and again this season.
Again and again and again.
There is no weird, everyone’s normal in their own way.
You are who you choose to be.
You try to force it down to make someone else happy, you’ll only make yourself miserable.
Dean is by 13x04 in a glorious place. I do so love it here. I like to call it the Cusp. He is right on the Cusp, peeps. And I’m dancing.
Anyway, back to the episode.
We have the Toxic Masculinity Representative, right?
Oh, yeah. Big time.
And what else do we have? We have the strong, kickass, smart, no-nonsense representative of awesomeness. (oops I mean Femininity.) Because Mia takes one look at Dean, at his performance, at his anger, his bottled up emotions, his rejecting his brother because Sam is consistently being open and honest and pushing for openness and honesty, for Dean to take the healthy approach, Mia sums all of this up in about ten seconds flat, tries to prod Dean into opening up and when he lashes out (”ever since I was a little girl” he says to the narrative representative of his feminine side and it’s fucking beautiful, to my mind) Mia doesn’t waste a beat before she calls him out on his behaviour.
On how he’s taking his anger out on Sam and how his performance, his armour, is making it impossible for him to relate to Sam, and how his brother truly is grieving as well. And she calls him out on how his performance is rendering Jack - aka the representative of change and reaching balance - petrified of him. (oh yeah Dean is fighting this transformation) (because it is scary as all hell) (because there’s no reason for this transformation anymore) (because Cas is gone) (so there is no long and happy future) (well... wait for it, Dean... wait for it... have a little patience...)
Now let’s move into the most significant moment of this episode, which just serves to hammer all of the feminine/masculine theme home to me -->
Not only is Mia empathic, nurturing and caring (she wants to help) - she also gets to visually step into the good mother role (one of the strongest symbols of positive femininity throughout this show) as she shifts into the shape of Kelly, allowing Jack one final moment with his mother and telling him that even monsters can do good, allowing Jack to have a newfound sense of faith in himself - of course leading right to him being able to save Sam.
Then, after shedding the outer layer of Dean Winchester - very, very visually tying himself to Dean Winchester - Buddy the Shifter begins to spew his poison, focusing primarily on how he resents her for leaving him, believing she could make a life for herself without him, and now he’s there to destroy that life. He’s going to make her kill again.
Translation: the toxic masculinity is telling the strong, kickass femininity that she’s worthless without him, dictating to her who she is and that she will never be rid of him, and all this, we know, is because of the mistakes she’s made in the past, where she let him rule her life, guide her onto the wrong path and influence her.
Yeah, Dean. Suck on that. LOOK AT HIS FACE! (I love his face)
And what does the strong, kickass femininity do? She does this -->
She says Hell No. You will not tell me who I am, not ever again. I will not listen to you, be beaten down by you or succumb to you, not ever again. I would rather die - wholly myself - than follow you anywhere ever again.
This effectively does what? It nullifies Dean’s performance-fuelled notion that all things female are associated with weakness, with being submissive and taking orders - never doling them out, because look at this BAMF female, standing up for herself like a goddamn warrior.
Now, what is truly intriguing to me is that Dean stays cuffed in this scene - cuffed by Buddy, no less - and Jack can’t get him loose, Jack can’t do anything, until Sam’s in danger. Sam, who is representative of what? The supportive, empathic, increasingly balanced guardian figure, whose honestly caring about Jack, trying his best to guide him. Here’s the most intriguing part: Sam is the one to shoot the toxic masculinity representative.
Back in good old 4x05, the Girl of the Week - Jamie (representing strong, kickass femininity) - shoots the shifter (toxic masculinity), but in that episode the shifter also puts Dean in bonds that he can’t get out of, needing Sam’s help. I’m getting the increasingly overwhelming feeling that Dean truly needs Sam to push him into the next stage of his character development, and it’s small wonder - Dean has functioned as Sam’s parental figure, but Sam is an adult now, and isn’t it time Sam got to confront his childhood influence as much as it’s time for Dean to confront John?
Sam providing Dean with the final bolt in the machinery that sets him on a path of no return, where Dean will have to face the questions Who am I? and Who do I want to be? head on makes absolute sense to me. Protect Sammy has been Dean’s inner motto since Dean was four years old. Sam doesn’t need protecting anymore, Sam is stepping up to be Dean’s equal, so it would make for a rather beautiful bookend to Dean’s internal journey if the root motto, instilled in him by John, is shattered and left behind thanks to Sam’s good influence.
But I’ll dig into that in another post.
Oh, also, I just love these blues, purples and pinks (and the fact that the only real splash of colour in the first scene set in Mia’s office is a bright pink flower) (yeah they’re going all out with the pink and blue makes purple symbolism) (with splashes of yellow thrown in for good measure) (wonder why...) -->
There’s a bald eagle in a child’s drawing on the wall (unless my eyes deceive me). The eagle represents freedom and the courage to look ahead, and not only is it - as a national symbol - such a fantastic tie-back to the US itself, where equality, acceptance and democratic freedom is under attack at the moment, but it’s also related to this:
During the Sun Dance, which is practiced by many Plains Indian tribes, the eagle is represented in several ways. During the dance, a medicine man may direct his fan, which is made of eagle feathers, to people who seek to be healed. The medicine man touches the fan to the center pole and then to the patient, in order to transmit power from the pole to the patient. The fan is then held up toward the sky, so that the eagle may carry the prayers for the sick to the Creator.
I just thought this ^^^ was lovely - related to this painting or not - because this season feels like it’s so, so much about healing, about becoming whole.
M’kay, byeeeeeee.
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the new NEW video has my soul thanks
don’t expect this to be the last post with me freaking out about sanders sides
SO THE NEW EPISODE
SPOILERS FOR DEALING WITH INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS!!!!!
more below the cut uwu
- REMUS. FREAKING REMUS. I LOVE MY STINKY SON, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. HE DESERVES ALL THE L O V E-
cough
- I love Remus. All the brotherly parallels are amazing, with “Have you ever imagined killing your brother?” and then two seconds later, Roman’s been knocked out by a freAKING MACE. BY. HIS. B R O T H E R. amazing. and we have the Cain and Able parallel and the Romulus and Remus parallel. just,, amazing work. a m a z i n g w o r k.
- i love how remus affects each side depending how much they fear him. Roman must fear his brother a freaking lot since he was out for 97% of the video, but logan was like “oh, ninja star in my head? i’ve experienced worse.”
- speaking of logan, mY SON WAS CALLED COOL. UH, YES?!?!? this video is pushing roman closer to his character arc and is pushing logan’s back. and thank god for that. we’ve had to experience over a year of roman angst, and while i love myself some good ol’ ANGST, i really just want it to come tumbling ouT! blurt it out, if its easier! like ripping... thE SWORD FROM THE STONE!!!1
i’m sorry.
- patton didn’t have a very big role in this episode, but i still loved him. im definitely gonna use “singing to myself cause im not uncomfortable at all” in the future-
- back to logan, he wAS SO COOL IN THIS EPISODE?!?!? LIKE, HIM SOFTLY EXPLAINING THINGS TO THE OTHER SIDES MAKES ME SO HAPPYYYY!!!!!!
- roman a n g s t, man. the funhouse mirror thing made my heart hurt ajskjak-
- VIRGIL.
- V I R G I L .
- i mean i feel like we been knew, but v I R G I L
- and he just sinks out like,, what if thomas hates him now? what if it all goes back to pre-accepting anxiety? that’d make me saaadd
- remus. I just,, don’t know how to start explaining him
- i love him. I don’t love to hate him and i don’t hate that i love him, I LOVE HIM! the “theres a snake in my b U T T!” always gets me! deceit what’re you doing down there-
- i also feel like there’s some m a j o r dark side angst going on here and I’m living for it.
- I mean, just think about it. The dark sides are never really listened to, right? And they’re hated. But now, one of them left, and guess what? He’s getting listed to. He’s loved. Thomas and the light sides care about him. Obviously, they’d get jealous. Why should he get loved if they’re just like him? Technically. So, they try to force Virgil to come out and tell Thomas about his past. “It takes a liar to know a liar.” “I wouldn’t hide anything from you!” Together, Deceit and Remus push Virgil to tell Thomas about being one of the Others. Because, Thomas “hates” the others. now that he knows Virge used to be one of them, wouldn’t he hate Virgil too? They’re bitter and they want to get back at Virge for betraying them.
- virgil’s face when roman comes back
- virgil’s face when logan’s getting thanked for being so coOl
- roman apologizing to logan
- “you’re not dead!” wow, thanks pat
- virgil showing concern for roman
sorry, my multishipper is showing
- i’d like to point out how during the 12 days of chrismas, roman mentioned naked aunt patty, and during the song, remus bent down a moment and a sticky note behind him said “aunt patty naked.” just wanna point that out
- speaking of the song, wOW ITS AMAZING! its really catchy and- ugh, good job joan! props to them!
- “everything is okay.” wow okay my heart just- wow
- thomas is just a whole mood and a half thank you very much
- “despite his best efforts virgil could never stop being the bad guy!-”
-i’m probably missing some stuff bc the episodes so freaking amazing and this post is a mess bc im a mess but like, i love the entire 41 minutes and 17 seconds
- i really loved this entire episode and I cannot wait for the next episode. tho, take ur time, thomas and the crew. ur doing great, but don’t overwork yourself. and thomas, get some sleep. you uploaded at like 2am
- and i saw some people in the comments of the video complaining about remus. like, if you don’t like him, then whatever, thats your opinion. but, remus did not “make sanders sides more mature” and “less funny.” there are content warnings in the beginning, so if you’re like 7 years old, then you should know what to expect. yeah, there were mature jokes, but there have always been mature jokes. take “virgan” as an example. personally, i love remus and will protect the stinky boi with my entire being. and ss isn’t “less funny.” this was literally one episode. yeah, thomas is probably going to discuss more heavy topics later, but that shouldn’t make a difference
- okay i’m done ranting-
- this post is a mess but so are my emotions after watching the new NEW episode so-
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