late seasons wincest just gets to me on an entirely different level tbh. preseries/early seasons is a completely different animal and I’m SICK over that too. Always will be. But as a newbie to the late seasons 11-15 are just so. So. Like. those men are so old and weathered and world weary and emotionally stunted in almost every conceivable way. they’ve been through so much utter SHIT and haven’t gotten any sort of break or had any time to recover from anything they’ve been through in 15 years. and yet they are still so unbelievably tender and soft towards each other. And they still love being together more than anything else. and they still want to go on hunts just the two of them. and Dean wants them to wear couples costumes to help Sam get over his hatred of Halloween. Anyway . It’s 10am. time to go to work with these thoughts
after Michael's possession, Dean can't fall asleep. It's somehow harder for him now than ever before. The only times he seems to actually get drowsy is after a hookup before the girl has left and well, to him it's embarrassing to admit.
He doesn't want anyone to know he feels better having someone next to him, reassuring him that when sleep overtakes him he's not gonna wake up and be trapped in his own body without any autonomy. He's a grown man and he doesn't need anyone holding his god damn hand through this. He'll deal with it on his own.
In the bunker, Dean makes excuses to get Cas to be near him because it's the only time Dean can fall asleep and feel safe about doing it. The only thing that sucks about it is that Cas will wake him up and drag Dean to his bedroom so he can properly sleep there.
Eventually Cas catches onto this pattern and Dean has to admit to him why he's made it a habit to fall asleep whenever Cas is around. He tells Cas that he feels better with someone next to him and Cas tells him he'll be that person if Dean wants him to be.
So Dean starts falling asleep with Cas beside him in his bed. It's really nice knowing that Cas is there and as much as he hates to admit it, knowing Cas is watching over him makes him feel safe.
It's nice hearing Cas' breathing, knowing that if he reaches out he'll find Cas there, that when he wakes up from a nightmare-- he's not alone in the dark.
It escalates to Dean asking Cas to hold him as he falls asleep or for Dean to hold Cas. He just needs to feel real. He needs to be assured his body is his and he's in control of it and being held or holding someone helps with that.
jack breaking out of the malak box should have collapsed the bunker. you don’t get a location of familial stability if you disinclude your boyfriend/coparent from a plan harmful to your collective son wherein you also have your brother lie to the collective son in order to lock the son in a box forever.
Maybe Cas didn't assume you guys would let soulless kid with unfathomable power run around by himself or leave him alone with your family or involve him in cases before you sort out the whole soulless thing.
Though giving Cas a baby did fix a lot of his problems, it very much did not fix all of them, because it didn’t take very long at all for him to go “oh! I can kill myself for my baby!” in front of his baby