#spy head told him to get a real therapist and then got locked in the freezer for a week. never again

[dunkledog]

//blood and severed spy head [no gore]

just in case :)

they're smitten in their own ways

whoops i haven't posted in a while

here, take some messy sketches [imagine im tossing them at you like bird seed and you are pigeons in a park]

[hello-nichya-here]

How NOT to write romance - How I Met Your Mother edition

Warning: long-ass post and lots of bitterness over a TV show that ended nearly eight years ago.

Basics for story-telling

If the romance you want to write is dysfunctional, fucking embrace it and have fun with the concept instead of pretending the bad shit the characters do is okay because “it’s true love”

Acknowledgde that your main character has flaws instead of acting like he is a saint who can do no wrong for no reason other than “he is the main character. Definitively don’t make him do, of his own free will, the exact exact same things the supposedly “selfish and cruel” womanizer does and then excuse it as him having “succumbed to/been tricked by a bad influece” like he’s child who doesn’t know any better instead of being a grown ass adult.

Don’t make your characters be annoying, entitled fuckers who think they have the right to judge others for wanting different things out of a relationship/not wanting a relationship at all. Don’t act like monogamy, double dates with other couples, marriage and children are something EVERYONE secretly wants deep down.

Don’t demonize the “evil” character of the group and act like the “heroes” being appalled by the shit he does is anything other than hypocricy. There’s literally nothing forcing them to be friends with him, so they’re obviously not as horrified at bad shit he does as they say they are, otherwise they would have ditched him a long time ago.

Don’t have the “heartless womanizer”,  who we later find out is the ex-husband of the girl the lead wanted for himself, be shown to us exclusively through the eyes of the an unreliable narrator who had motivation to make him see worse than he is likely to be (get his kids to want him to get the girl instead of the “douchebag”). Also, don’t make his schemes to trick women into sleeping with them so completely absurd and ridiculous that the audience is pretty sure that 70% of the women he banged were completely aware he just wanted a quick fuck and went along with it anyway because they wanted some dick (and because the character is played by Neil Patric Harris, who is incapable of not being charismatic)

Fucking let you characters (especially the supposed hero we’re supposed to think is the best boyfriend ever) grow instead of making them constantly repeat the same mistakes

Lily and Marshall

Don’t make one of the characters hide something very important from their partner, and then have the audacity to be mad at them for “just not understanding” as if they were given any reason to understand what the problem even is

Don’t act like someone being heartbroken that their partner lied to them and practically made a plan to “escape” being married to them means they’re not being “supportive” of said partners dream - you should especially not do that after we were shown that they took a job they didn’t like just to make sure they’d have a secure future that would allow said partner to follow their dream.

Don’t have the character who was obviously in the wrong need to be convinced to get their shit together and apologize to their ex.

If a character forgave the ex who wronged them and even got back together with them, don’t have them constantly hold their past mistakes over their head like it that problem has not already been solved - you especially not make them do that on what was supposed to be their wedding day. They can either forgive their partner or not, they can’t keep going back and forth.

Don’t have them constantly hide important shit from each other (having a huge financial debt, getting a job, etc)

DO NOT have the character who fucked up years prior suddenly be willing to do the same shit again for the EXACT same reason (”I think our relationship is in the way of my dreams and I’m now completely isolated because I refuse to talk things out with you”) and then expect the audience to sympathize with them.

Ted and Robin 

Unless you’re writing a Disney/Disney-esque romance, don’t have your lead just look at someone across the room, decide they’re “The one”, imagine their life together and full on say “I’m love with you” AND “I love you” on the first goddamn date.

Don’t have the lead stalk his love interest, and throw three parties in a row just to have an excuse to get close to her now that she made it clear she is not interested in having a relationship with him.

Don’t have the “hero” lie about having broken up with his girlfriend so the girl he wants to be with will sleep with him, and then have him blame his actions on time. “Nothing good happens after 2 a.m.” Grow a pair of balls, Ted!

If one of the characters says “You’re going too fast on the whole ‘love’ thing. Can’t we just go on a few dates and see what happens instead of already starting to plan our lives together?” and the others throws a fit, that is called “being incompatible” and “damn, this dude doesn’t respect boundaries”, not “Wow, she’s so afraid of commitment”

If you want the audience to believe the main character’s feelings are not one-sided, don’t make the fact that said feelings ARE unrequited a running joke, and don’t have the girl only accept giving him a chance after having to deal with the fucker whining “But I love you” for months and/or after going through bad break ups. Also, if you have to retcon half the fucking show to “proove” that “she DOES love him”, that pairing fucking sucks.

Don’t compare the couple you want the audience to root for to the main character’s divorced, dysfunctional parents, and don’t have flashbacks showing that the lead had no clue what his girlfriend actually liked in bed AND that she literally covered up his face so she could pretend she was fucking someone else.

DON’T MAKE HER GET RID OF HER DOGS, YOU FUCKING MONSTER!

If your lead character is still jealous/possessive of his ex, thinks he still has a chance even after she told him to his face that she didn’t love him, and acts like she and her fiance (who he says is his friend) being happy is somehow them being selfish and cruel, your lead character is a loser AND an asshole.

Don’t throw away the entire premise of the show (Ted finding the REAL love of his life) just to force a bad pairing down the audience’s throat

Ted Mosby in general

Don’t have your “romantic, sensitive hero” break up with a girl on her birthday through an answering machine, come back into her life without warning years later because he’s afraid he’ll die alone, and find out that she never heard the message but was actually told about it by her friends and family who were at her apartment preparing a surprise party for her. You should especially not make his first reaction to this new be being mad that he was not invited to the party, and for the love of God, don’t make him break up with her on her birthday AGAIN.

Don’t have the “hero” cheat on his girlfriend and excuse it with bullshit like “Nothing good happens 2 a.m.” and “But I genuinely love Robin so it’s okay that I’m lying to both of them”. Do not, I repeat, do NOT have him blame it on his girlfriend being distant when she didn’t pick up the phone one night and then called back the second she was free to do so, while he was enjoying the gifts she sent him and LIED to her about having sent her some as well.

Don’t fucking make an entire episode with the premise of him turning a no into a yes - and telling that story to his children like it’s romantic.

Don’t have his fiance, who he knows has a rocky relationship with the father of her daughter, tell him she is uncomfortable with him inviting his ex to their wedding and then have him decide “This means I should invite her ex as well”. Also don’t expect me to feel bad for him when she runs off with said ex.

Don’t have him spend YEARS waiting for one of the hundreds of girls he thinks is “the one” to be single and even ask her neighbour to spy on her and let him know when/if she breaks up with her boyfriend - again, for YEARS.

Don’t have the lead say he’s gonna tell their kids about his love story with their DECEASED mother, only for it to secretly be an excuse for him to go “By the way, I’m still in love with aunt Robin despite her having rejected me for 25 years, can I go screw her?”

Don’t act like making the characters reverse back into who they were at the beginning at the story means they’re gonna make things work this time when the whole point of their break up in the beginning on the story was the fact that they’re just not right for each other.

Robin and Kevin

A therapist who was supposed to help their patient move on after a bad break up that messed them up, dating said patient is a major red flag. It is also a bad sign that, when she cheats on him and wants to break up, he realized what she was doing to used his job as “evidence” that he knew better and that she should NOT tell her partner how she felt/what she actually wanted.

Do NOT have said therapist date yet ANOTHER patient that asked him help to move on from a bad break up. Seriously, Kevin was a creep, stop acting like he was some angel who “deserved better than Robin.”

BONUS: How NOT to break up a couple - Barney and Robin edition

Don’t act like their relationship falling appart after their friends kept meddling, and even kept them locked in a room against their will until they labeled their relationship as something they aproved of, is somehow “proof” that they’re not good for each other.

Don’t retcon their relationship to force a break up (seriously, Barney was super supportive of Robin long before he even fell in love with her, but I’m supposed to believe he’d be a bad boyfriend who is never there for her? And he loved advantures and always said “challenge accepted”, but was suddenly miserable travelling the world with her and couldn’t deal with not having wi-fi at the hotel? Fuck off)

Don’t spend an entire season focusing on their wedding, have them get married and then divorce THE NEXT FUCKING EPISODE! Why do you hate your audience? Even people who don’t want them together can see this a terrible idea.

And most important of all, when people question what the fuck were you thinking, don’t have a meltdown on twitter and say that people who think Barney can change are responsible for Donald Trump being elected, you fucking weirdo, go see a therapist (that isn’t like Kevin)

[hillywooddestiel]

The Retreat Chapter 20

Characters: CEO!Bucky x reader, Natasha

Warnings: Angst, again (sorry) and language

Word count: 2k

Description: Y/N Y/L/N: determined business woman, sought after by most businesses, creative visionary for advertising. She has it all. Or so she thinks. Life has a way of kicking you sideways when you least expect it, want it or are in anyway prepared for it. Numerous times. How can Y/N remain from cracking under the pressure when her career isn’t the only thing on the line and everything isn’t all that it seems?

A/N: I remembered that it is Thursday. Yay. So a lot is about to happen and I hope you are prepared. Enjoy(?) xx Series Masterlist Marvel Masterlist

Story:

India lifts the red roses up to my eye level with a toothy smile, taking a half step towards me as an offering. When I don’t take them the smile falters ever so slightly and she slowly lowers her arm to her side.

“It’s good to see you, you look great. You always did.” She laughs a little at the last part as she reminisces our failed shit-show of a relationship as if it ended on amicable terms which- news flash- it did not!

“What are you doing here? Leave a shirt behind or something?” I snarl. She may not have come for a fight but I didn’t get to do this. I didn’t get to tell her everything I felt because of how she just cleared out and left- I want to scream in her face in the way she never let me.

“I thought we could try again. We can get past what happened, it’s us!”

“Are you for fucking real?” I scoff, “You walked out on me without a reason and think you have the authority to come back here demanding I take you back because this is fixable, because ‘it’s us’. Either you take me for an idiot or are one yourself.”

“I was wrong to leave. I thought it was best for us but I’ve been so miserable without you Y/N/N.” India smiles a hopeful smile as she speaks. Note the lack of an actual apology. Almost on the point of laughing from the ridiculousness that is this situation, I tip my head back and walk a few paces on the spot. Meanwhile India just stays put smiling by my front door preventing me from just heading inside and locking her out.

“Please leave. Just go and don’t come back.” I step aside to make a path to the stairwell. India moves towards it but it quickly becomes apparent that she’s actually aiming for me and I freeze on the spot.

“Tell me right now that you don’t want this.” she says breathily, her face ridiculously close to my own. Is that alcohol on her breath?

“I don’t want this India. Now go!” I look up into her eyes defiantly and keep steady, my resolve unwavering. Go me! She doesn’t move though, not to leave the building. Her face gets closer and her lips purse in order to kiss me but I react too quickly for her, turning my face down and to the right to look at her shoes. Her sneakers. Black converse with scuff marks on fabric and discoloured laces… and splashes of red paint on the toes.

It was her! India painted my door. India called my phone. India sent me the photos. India is my stalker! It was all her.

“You! You’re the one who’s been stalking me! Don’t try to deny it, the paint is on your shoe.” I push her gently away from me as I make my accusations. Her demeanour immediately switches to something far more sinister as she starts to laugh.

“You always did have an eye for the details didn’t you?” She asks rhetorically- now it’s her turn to walk around on the spot with one hand running over her face and through her hair. “Yes, it was me. Well, not all me. We hired a PI to take those photos and follow you around with that fool of a CEO you work for. I never would have pictured the two of you together until I had the photographic proof. The idea was to get you to dump him so we could carry on our jobs but you just wouldn’t do it so, we had to take drastic measures.”

“What are you talking about.” I whisper, frightened.

“I’m not a fucking therapist, am I? We work for HYDRA Technik. They found openings to gather intel on Barnes and Rogers so put us to work undercover, lucky you.” I can’t believe what I’m hearing- it’s insane!

“Wait… who’s we?” 

“Caroline! Thought you’d have got that one by now genius. They hired her when she first started dating Barnes, paid quite the hefty some for that gold digger but she’s been invaluable. Your face was a real picture at the gala by the way.”

“Wha- You were there?!” Caroline being a lying, backstabbing spy comes as no surprise to be honest but I think if my ex was at a party, I’d have seen her.

“That man didn’t back into by accident you know. We had to get you out of the way so Caroline could get Barnes distracted. It was supposed to end with the two of them getting back together but the real outcome was so much more enjoyable.” India grins like the cheshire cat. It was all a ploy and not Bucky’s fault at all. He really was telling the truth. This is the most messed up story I’ve ever heard and it just makes me feel violently ill- mine and India’s relationship was never even real! Much of the last year of my life wasn’t real. Is she even really a lesbian?

“Why would you-”

“To get back in position you dumb bitch! You were never meant to work it out but I guess that’s not going to happen now. Because of you, things are a little more complicated.” India snarls. I only just manage to duck in time as she makes a swing for my head.

Bucky’s POV

“What do you want Caroline?” I pace around the window of my apartment, whiskey in hand and a frown on my face. She saunters in, gently leaving her bag on my couch and taking a seat as though she still lives here. Her whole demeanour is completely wrong for this situation; she’s too calm, too relaxed, and there’s something else too as if she knows something that I don’t and it’s right there just under the surface. What does she know? There’s always something with Caroline, it's never just simple and straightforward. That’s partly why I was relieved when things ended- the mystery and the games draw you in but I’m too old for those games now. Y/N is exciting in a whole new way, a good way. And she doesn’t mess with my head.

“You and I both know the answer to that one Juju. This isn’t over, it never was. We’re so perfect for each other and we shouldn’t let all of that perfection go to waste now, should we?”

“Like I’ve told you before, you screwed it up. And I’m glad, thankful even! Because of you, I have Y/N and I could not be happier.”

“Y/N… So that’s who you’re new little fling is. It’s sweet of you to consider the aesthetically less fortunate.” Her voice is sweet but her words are twisted and borderline evil-villain-like. Wait,

“How did you know I’d moved on? No one did- have you been following me?” Her smile falls from her eyes leaving a creepy, empty expression behind, I think I’ve found what seemed wrong before.

“I… No.” She stands up having regained her smile although it is clearly fake. She knew about me and Y/N, who knows for how long, meaning she knew exactly what she was doing when she came to see me at the benefit and she knows what she’s doing now.

“Have you been following me Caroline?” I clench my fists and step over to where she is now pacing. She swallows hard, maybe from fear or the guilt, her tough shell showing cracks like a porcelain doll.

“I didn’t follow you.” I hear the tremble in her voice. Liar.

“If you didn’t, who did you pay?”

“Nobody, JuJu I swear I didn't-”

“I'll only ask one more time, Caroline. Who did you send to follow me and Y/N?” my contained rage causes me to shake, nails digging into the palms of my clenched fists. For a moment, she doesn't answer, remaining poised and staring me down. But those cracks just can't hold.

“He was just some PI, I don't know the details. India did all of the planning and stuff, I just did as I was told.” She tears up, turning away to dab at her eyes.

“Wait, India as in Y/N’s ex India?” 

“Yeah, she hired me to work with her.” Caroline fishes a packet of tissues from her purse and blows her nose loudly. India was working with Caroline, that fact makes no sense in its own.

“But why? Who were you working for? India was a therapist!” I look to her, completely confused, to see her touching up her smudged makeup around her eyes- it's all image with her! 

“I haven't a clue what she did, I just know HYDRA Technik were the ones paying for it all.”

HYDRA! Those backwards bastards are behind this?! I've heard of them using desperate and, more importantly, illegal measures to get ahead in the technology game. They've never come close to our own sales before, something to do with a bug they never fix in the voice and facial recognition software, but if they've been spying on the competition they might just have an edge with their upcoming releases. Hell, they may even take over the whole market! And what about Stark industries? Do HYDRA have people on the inside in Tony's offices too? Do I warn him? He may be my enemy but I wouldn't wish the theft of work on my worst enemy, especially not HYDRA with their ways of working. God damn my conscience, I'll call later.

“If you were working for HYDRA why did you come back, Caroline? Not get enough info to please your bosses?” I focus back on the problem at hand, that problem being Caroline. She's dry-eyed and back to picture perfect. That being said, her perfect image is significantly tarnished in my eyes now knowing what she's done.

“India told me to, it's her you should be asking all of these questions. In fact, she's probably at Y/N’s little apartment right now.” she admires her nails, waving her hand around when mentioning Y/N.

“She is? Why?”

“That was the whole idea… I get back with you and she gets back with Y/N. It really wasn't meant to go like this, who knows what they're going to say back at the office.”

“I hope I'm not too late…” I mutter to myself whilst grabbing my jacket and phone.

“You're going?!” 

“I have to do something!”

Y/N’s POV

India's fist collides with the plaster where my head was as I fall back into the pot plant by my door toppling it over, soil and leaves going everywhere. Rest in peace Planty, sorry for forgetting to water you so often. Heart thumping, I barely have time to get back up before India is doing it for me, yanking me by the lapels; man she is strong! With my toes barely touching the ground, she holds me up with an arm across my throat, my windpipe squeezed tight. 

“S-st-op… p-leas-se…” I sputtering, rapidly running out of oxygen.

“Sorry my darling but we can't have you talking now, can we?” Her smile is sickening, twisted- has she done this before? These hands that used to touch me so lovingly will now be the cause of my death. Poetic? I hate poetry. Using all of the remaining energy I have, I kick and punch and scratch and fight to stay alive. She must be immune to pain as she doesn't react to any injury I inflict. The edges of my vision go black and fuzzy, hot tears running down my face. Strangling takes a while doesn't it?

“Ahh!” I squeak in pain as India increases the pressure on my neck. The agony is never ending and I feel like my spine might just snap in two- I kind of wish it would so this ordeal would just be over. 

“You should be happy Y/N/N, you always did want to spice things up between us.” India sneers. I feel the last dregs of energy leave my body, my grip on her arm going limp. At least the pain is numb now.

[a-tragedy-told-in-metals]

A Tragedy Told In Metals: Gold & Lead Chapter 2: Even While Terrified

Chapter 2 Link on AO3

Playlist (Youtube) Playlist (Spotify) Songs 3-5

CWs: Child abuse, domestic violence, unintentional ableism, kidnapping, panic attacks, & grooming

Chapter 1

When Toni was seven years old she found herself in her father’s office. she looked at his face he looked so scary framed in the backlight of the window. Toni babbled to him about something to do with an idea about smaller processor chips.

“Antonia!” He shouted her name then his voice got very tired, “You seem to think I care what you theorize. If you don’t actually do something useful what is the point, you have to be productive get it? Every day.”

Toni was shocked. The dismissal was normal, she expected it. But yelling was usually only for her mother and sometimes Jarvis. But she just nodded. And that was the norm after that. Apparently, Toni thought now she must be old enough to handle it. She just had to work harder so he wouldn’t have a reason to yell.

Her mother was never the same day to day. Some days she would hold Toni tell her stories, tell her about her family, let Toni tell her about whatever science thing she was into. They would watch crap tv and eat food, not on a diet plan. Other days she was cold and didn’t talk at all. Then there were the nights her mother would cry and yell and cry. But after the crying stopped she put her makeup back on. Fixed her hair, and smiled. “Sorry Antonia bad day sweetheart.”

The only thing that stayed the same was a small bracelet it was made of some cheap alloy metal that isn't even shiny anymore, it had a small bead with the word home on it it was from her parents the only thing she still held on to from her childhood. She never took it off and Toni always held in her hands the days her mom remembered children liked to be held. The bracelet was special, one constant thing.

That year was also Toni’s second Kidnapping well one where they actually got her long enough to seek a ransom. They wanted weapons. Toni had found herself in one of the family cars but Jarvis was not driving. She had screamed to stop but they had never listened. They took her a warehouse and tied her down. Toni was never able to get a real breath in no matter how much air she sucked in the whole time. It hurt her chest too much. But Toni had also been quiet and still so they ignored her. The kidnapper's talked about how they wanted to bomb Congress and other important people.

When they finally put her back in the car and took her home Toni after what she later learned was four days she had been in darkness the light all seemed too bright. Toni was allowed to see a therapist for a few months after that. Her father seemed genuinely pleased Toni had paid attention to what the terrorist said, all plots were stopped.

“You were just like Captain Rogers. Helping get the bad guys, just like we do” Howard said.

That made Toni blush, she had finally done something good.

That didn’t last though

One day Toni had come to them and she started to cry she didn’t want to be in the dark anymore. Her father had rolled his eyes “turn the light on for now?”

“I'll come to lay with you now,”  her mother said, “But sweetheart you have to grow out of it.”

The lesson her parents wanted to teach was clear, no matter how much you hurt you just move on. You shut it down. But she couldn't, Toni didn’t know how. So she cried. She cried when her dad ignored her. She cried when her friends broke her things. But she did it in her room with the door shut.

Sometimes Jarvis would come in and he would sit next to Toni bring her candy he’d ruffle her hair and let her cry. Ana Jarvis would even send over baked goods for Toni when she was having particularly bad weeks.

One day the sound of the locking door sent shivers down her spine. Her breathing caught and her hands shook. Curled halfway on the floor her breath never reached her lungs.

“Toni” Jarvis said keeling down.

“Jarvis” Toni huffed out between gasps.

“Your okay, you’re safe here. It’s okay”

“Mhmm” Toni nodded.

“Breath deep with me okay, come on, that's it”

Toni breathed eventually it reached her for lungs real, she didn’t feel better just exhausted.

“You're okay. Just a bit of shell shock, you’ll be fine.”

Toni just nodded.

~~~~~

When Toni was eight Maria’s episodes started. They were super scary because nothing Toni said her mom really seemed to hear. She would ramble about things, and run around and seemed really excited about things but Toni couldn’t really follow. Most of the time Jarvis would let her leave and he would handle it. Her dad never helped when it happened it was Toni’s job to “deal with your mother’.

“Young miss, she is ill,” Jarvis said sighing for the second time that month he had to try and convince Toni it was okay when it wasn’t. Jarvis wanted to try and convince Maria to get help but he knew she never would. He looked at Toni who looked too tired for eight.

“I know,” Toni said staring at Jarvis wishing he could make it all go away.

One of the episodes that could never leave Toni or Jarvis’s mind was when Toni had found herself pinned to the bed by a pillow shoved into her chest. It didn’t matter when she said stop or how she wiggled her mom wouldn’t let her up. Toni had smiled though because her mom was trying to be nice of course, she just didn’t understand that it hurt Toni. At least that’s what she told herself over and over, her mom didn’t know so it was okay.

Toni had to start going to all the garden teas, the parties and the holiday balls for the whole time now. She used to get to leave partway through with Jarvis but now she had to stand around smiling watching the dizzying display of fancy dresses and handshakes. Her Father would discuss business deals and Her mom would laugh funny. Whenever Toni came up they said how bright she was and how she looked just like her father but cuter, then they would do that funny again.

The worst part of the parties was her mom looked fake like she had painted on a new person made of sharp edges and red lips, none of the good parts of her mom left. The only real thing was the bracelet all cheap metal and scuff marks.

Toni also mastered the skills of eavesdropping this year. There were two ways you could do this. One was to let people forget you were in the room, this was most effective when the other people had been drinking. The other was to stand to the side of a door, then you could hear but the didn’t know you could. This is how she learned that Peggy was part of a group called SHIELD, another was that her Father made bombs that had accidentally killed a bunch of kids. Toni had to admit she didn’t like the idea of dead kids much.

~~~~~

When Toni turned nine the went on a trip to tour Stark Factories. Toni was in love with all the machines. They whipped around in circles assembling all kinds of tech. She liked to watch the techs as they went over every inch of the new products, or read the formulas behind different types of plastics and alloys.

Seeing new places was also cool, she had been on vacations before but they usually to other Stark houses. This time she got to go to huge hotels in all kinds of places. The crowds were a lot but it was so cool to be in the thick of life.

The worst part of all of this was her father's business partners. Toni decided on this trip she didn’t much like the military, and that most men are just like her dad. One day she had been in a factory with her dad discussing some new weapon.

“You know when made the atom bomb I thought that would be the end to this General. But no! we keep having to fight forever”

“If you ever make that weapon we might not even need us anymore I’d be out of a job” The general joked.

“It’s sad that civilians must deal with the destruction, but collateral damage is what it is.”

The other military men nodded their heads. Toni felt ill how was it fair to kill people who had nothing to do with it. She understood her dad wanted what was best, but why did the have to hurt people.

One of the army men turned to face Toni. Her face went pale and eyes wide.

“Our talk scare you?” Army man asked.

Toni nodded.

“Yeah, I guess you’re just a little girl. You’ll get it one day. But for now, stay out of my goddamn way” The man shoved Toni aside and left with the door Toni had pinned herself against.

After they returned from the trip Toni followed Howard into his lab.

“Why are you killing innocent people?” Toni asked straight to the point.

“You wouldn’t understand. You have never seen a war child. You don’t know that we do what must be done.”

“But dad couldn’t we do something to help them without killing them!”

He raised his face from the papers he was reading eyes filled with anger.

“Look if you are really worth the gift you were given you would suck it up. You are no Stark if you are led by idealism. Life isn’t nice or fair, we have to be made of iron to rule it”

Toni looked blankly into his eyes. Toni decided he didn’t deserve a nickname. So from then on, he was just Howard.

Toni was glad that Aunt Peggy still came pretty frequently with her spy friends.  Every visit included new steve and bucky stories, Aunt Peggy always had gifts. Her armour fell when they sat in her room and looked at Aunt  Peggy’s journals or Toni told her about the kids harassing her at school. But Toni watched the armour rise when Aunt Peggy met Howard and any SHIELD people following her. Never let them see her break.

That summer Howard's’ business partner Obadiah Stane seemed to be an ever-present face in the mansion. He bought Toni lavish gifts. He even told her to call him Obie, inviting Toni to use a nickname which made her stomach do flips of excitement.

Between Obie and her mom someone who was now generally willing to pay attention to her. Which was new. Obie bought ice cream, and much to her Mother's disapproval they ate quite a bit of it. Obie told her she was beautiful, which made her blush. Anytime he was there he never yelled, he never checked out. He drank like Howard did but never got loud or mean. Toni even liked it when he called her Antonia. She lived for his visits as much as Peggy’s. She had hope, Maybe Obie would love her, all the time.

One night they were playing chess in one of the parlours. Music drifted from the walls and Maria hummed along with it.

“Check,” Antonia said with a smile

“You know Antonia?” Obie said

“What?”

“You may be better than Howard at this game.” He said “checkmate” and knocked his king over.

Toni smiled and flapped her hands up and down, then quickly stopped glancing around for Howard.

“You win honey?” Maria asked.

“Yes, mom,” Toni said.

“Good,” Maria said turning her gaze away.

Toni sighed She turned back to Obie her hair falling in front of her exasperated face.

He brushed it off softly. They both smiled Toni pressed her face into his hand. Warmth running through her at the kind touch.

~~~~~

The end of the school year when she was ten was one of the better ones. Toni had tried so hard to do everything right and it actually went okay. The classwork was easy. Howard did like this Straight-A report cards and suggestions at the end of the year to skip another grade got her a real smile that wasn’t followed by yelling for a whole day. Her mom bought her toys, and they weren’t even Captain America.

The third night of that summer her mom had a particularly bad episode rambling about scissors and yelling, trying to make Toni do something. Once she had finally gone to sleep. Antonia stood on the balcony outside her room her head burned but she also felt incredibly numb. She was ten and she was already so tired. A few days had been good and then this.

Jarvis came out He looked at her she was staring out into the long drive and ice burned in his heart. Toni’s slightly vacant eyes and nervous hands made her look much to like her mother. He cleared his throat and placed his hand on her shoulder she jumped.

“You were very brave Tonight young miss” he praised passing her a bag of Haribo Gummy bears.

“Yes, Jarvis.” She said.

He walked back inside.

She sat and ripped open the bag and placed one into her mouth she cried softly as she prayed for Steve to be found, maybe he could help her.

~~~~~

That December at school she was still majorly unpopular but at least they called her Toni or Stark now proving the kids actually listened to her and remembered what she said.

That day she sat humming at her desk when a tall boy a few years older sat on her desk, he was Tiberius Stone his dad built army things just like hers. He was super popular everyone wanted to be his friend.

“You the Stark girl right?” He said voice smooth.

“Yeah, what do you want?” Toni asked everyone at school hated her, why would he talk to her?

“Your father is very important.” He said.

“Yes,” She smiled as gracefully as she could trying to will him to go away.

“Well, I have to go to your Mother and Father’s Christmas ball.”

He dramatically rolled his eye Toni’s smile became more genuine at that gesture.

“I was wondering if you would be there. Your too young to do any side partying but my general crowd aren’t invited to this one.”

Toni scrunched her eyebrows confused,

“Aww don’t worry. I just want to know if you’ll hang with me, I doubt you actually enjoy these balls?”

“Course not.” She said.

“Well then, look for me around we can mock the silly ways the adults' act”

Toni felt excited he actually wanted to talk to her, maybe the ball wouldn’t suck.

The Christmas ball was generally a dull affair. But this year was much better. Obie had been there and had bought her earrings that glittered. Toni got dressed in a red dress her long hair was braided down her back. Her family smiled and looked as important and put together as possible. As her parents wined and dined their so-called friends.

Toni found her way over to Justin. He was watching the assembled people mill about.

“Want to guess how many of them are drunk or high already?” He said

“Sure.”

They spent the rest of the night together. Able to avoid total boredom by mocking the fancily dressed bores that populated these events.

At the end of the night, he sighed,

“I’ll tell people to back off you know? I only really have sway with some of the kids but it might help.”

“Thanks,” Toni said,

“It’s a shame if you were a little older ya know? But you too young for my kind of party.” He trailed after his parents who were shouting his name.

Toni smiled. She guessed she did look like a baby to a fifteen-year-old, but he was still impressed enough with her to do her a favour.

~~~~~

In late January Obie came to visit but the first night he went right to his room. Antonia was sulking in her room wondering why he ignored her this time, had she done something wrong?

Jarvis came in sat next to her on the bed.

“I am sorry young miss.” Jarvis breathed pulling a small box from his pocket

“For what?” Toni asked meeting his eyes.

“I’m not going to be able to save you.”

“From what?”

“I...” Jarvis started a sad smile crossing his face as he squeezed Toni’s shoulder unable to get the words out.

He opened the box and clasped a necklace around her neck. She held the charm it was a locket. Jarvis was holding her in his arms on one side and the other was Toni with her Bucky Bear. heat stung her eyes, she didn’t know what was wrong, but the fear choking her was strong.

“I love you.” He said and pat her head. He stood up to his full height looking down again at the poor child.

She nodded and stared at the floor. She wasn’t even sure when the tears started to fall, but Jarvis had never said he loved her before. She wanted to scream. She was so alone, even with the heart on top of hers the love seemed hollow. And she was filled with dread unbefitting for someone so small, the words were haunting ‘I’m not going to be able to save you.’ She went silent, too scared to move too scared to even breath.

[valeriianz]

Oliver 3.10 Coda, his own flashback with Wes.

It was getting late in the clinic, but Oliver was only allowed to leave once all the students had.

He peeked up from his monitor, spying a single body at a nearby table, hunched over a textbook, scribbling in a notebook. Oliver sighed softly, wondering why Wes couldn't choose to study in the library instead, which was open all night.

Oliver debated telling Wes to go home, he didn't know how much longer he could stand to be alone with his thoughts... which mostly strayed to Connor these days. Wondering what he was thinking about, if he'd given any thought to why Oliver broke up with him... if he'd bother trying to talk to Oliver. Or if Connor already moved on, back to that promiscuous, handsome young man that Oliver first met that night in the bar... no doubt Connor would have no shame fucking information out of someone new, given the freedom from commitment now.

“Wes,” Oliver called out, feeling embarrassed for startling the student but it really was getting late. And his thoughts, predictably, began traveling to Connor, and Oliver wouldn't have it. He needed to get out of here, go home, distract himself, something.

Wes jerked upright in his seat, fixing Oliver with wide eyes before he let out a breathy laugh.

“Hey. Sorry, I forgot there was someone else in here...”

Oliver ignored how that kind of stung, but he was used to blending in with the background.

“Go home, it's nearly 11.” Oliver started packing up his own things for emphasis, turning his eyes down.

He heard Wes make a sound and looked up to see him stretching, knocking his head back and forth before gathering his papers as well. Without much care, he shoved the loose leafs into a haphazard pile, shoving them in the two open books and snapping them shut before stuffing it all into his messenger bag.

Oliver gave a polite smile when Wes caught him staring, gazing back down as he finished collecting his things and standing.

Wes made his way to Oliver's desk, pulling the strap to his bag a little higher up on his shoulder.

“Thanks for letting me stick around, I didn't mean to keep you.”

Oliver shrugged, stepping around the desk and walking with Wes. “It's no problem. Got nothing else to do.”

After locking the door behind them, Oliver and Wes made their way down the hall, heading for the parking lot.

“Sorry we always make you hack... I know you're trying not to...” Wes trailed off, like he wasn't sure what he was saying was 100 percent true.

Oliver hummed with a smile. “It's alright. You never need me to hack so, no need to be sorry.” Oliver threw Wes a look of gratitude. He liked Wes, he was quiet and unbiased. They had a lot in common, if Oliver thought about it, but Wes always seemed caught up in his own life, school, work... he wasn't even that close with the rest of the gang, now that Oliver considered it.

Oliver knew Wes as the “Puppy,” as the guy who slept with a client, who was “too nice for his own good,” he remembered Connor complaining once... nothing else really. Out of the “Keating 5,” Oliver understood Wes the least, though it wasn't like he'd made any effort to form a connection with the guy.

Wes nodded, smiling tiredly.

“How's uh... you and Connor?”

Oliver brought his lips in, forming a thin line. He didn't want to talk about Connor, and he didn't understand how Wes could care at all about their relationship.

“Fine,” he answered vaguely, pushing the door open and stepping out into the cool night.

Wes stuck his hands in his pockets. “It's just that, he randomly came up to me today, wanting to talk about you.”

That made Oliver give Wes his full attention, his brows furling.

“What did he say?”

Wes looked to the ground awkwardly, his walk slowing.

“That... he sees a therapist and talks about you, apparently.”

Oliver stopped walking, causing Wes to as well, who sighed.

“Look, it's not my place to say.” Wes shrugged with his elbows, hands still in his pockets. “But Connor and I never talk. I'm pretty sure he hates me. For him to just, plop down and unload on me was really weird. I think he wants someone who will really listen to him, give him advice.”

Oliver's contorted face relaxed, angling it to the ground and licking his lips.

“Well, he knows I'm waiting for a talk so...” Oliver shrugged, struggling to appear casual while his blood pounded in his ears. He actually wasn't sure if Connor knew he could talk to him about anything... Oliver had said he needed space, but the truth of the matter was that, he still loved Connor and cared for him. If Connor was willing to talk about this chasm between him and Oliver, that'd be ideal, but not begging him back, not backing up from an argument, not offering excuses. A real, open and honest discussion is what Oliver wants.

How could Connor be honest enough with Wes to admit he's seeing a therapist? Where was that trust with him and Oliver?

Wes nodded, pulling a hand up and drumming his fingers on his bag. “Don't tell Connor I told you, please.”

Oliver swallowed. “Of course.”

“I'll see you around.” Wes turned, headed toward the bike rack. “Have a good night.”

“Yeah...” Oliver replied, rooted to the spot.

He didn't want to think about Connor.

And now Oliver knew he wouldn't be sleeping that night.

[multimonk]

Project M.O.N.K, Audio logs of one DR.Vee(Super duper background for Monk story)

Under the cut due to length!

Day 1, Orientation. “So day one... What is there to say? The on-site doctor/therapist says I should keep these audio logs for my own wellbeing, while locked away in this compound... I see no harm I suppose, gives me a break from work.”

-Low sigh-

“The facilities are alright to start with, with more equipment promised if specimens and experiments on said specimens give promising results. Whoever is paying for this better understand all my ‘scientist mumbo jumbo’ on my reports, unlike the meatheads they replaced half my staff with. If their intention is to spy on my work to make sure I keep working hard, they are not being very subtle.”

-

Day 10, Preparations. “We’ve finally set up everything we need. The chemicals are working as expected and the first few samples of what we’re working towards have started to grow. It’s not exactly what I’d call a fetus, but it’s a start... We have to make sure all the clashing DNA ‘sticks together’ as one of the morons put it.”

“Side note, order MUCH more coffee and painkillers in the next shipment.”

-

Day 58, First failure. “Well, I didn’t expect the first few months to go as smoothly as they did without SOME setbacks. Half of the specimens died, and the remaining half... Well, they show promise, but their genetic structure is somewhat weaker. They want tough skin and some other, dare I say, impossible features... So, that wont do.”

The good doctor has been kind enough to listen to my worries so I wont stress myself out by repeating them here, but... He did tell me to talk about my children. It seems to give me some strength. I do miss little Jess and Nate... I hope they are eating right. Knowing mom, probably not.” -Chuckle-

-

Day 72, Success? “I will avoid false optimism, but more and more samples are surviving. Some even formed a limb or two. We may have a real living creature within two years at this rate!”

“Putting that aside, some of the meatheads aren’t that bad now that they’ve forgotten about their mission to ‘guard me’. Aki, Henry and Neni are actually pretty nice people... Makes living in a damn cube in the middle of a jungle bearable at least.”

-Groaning-

“Why can’t secret bases ever be on a beach, or some other nice location?”

-

Day 100, Party. “I refused, initially. Wasting time to celebrate with whiskey and swing music every 100 days, who does that in a scientific research facility? Bbuuuuuut I will admit, once I got to the swing of things(Pun not entirely intended), it was nice to let loose and just have some fun. I might have drunk a bit too much though...”

-Light snoring-

-

Day 198, SUCCESS! “REAL success! We have our first real babies! Granted half of them have died and that’s taken a toll on many of the people in my team. I TOLD them not to name the blasted monsters. Getting attached to something that only wears a human face is not a good idea and if I might add, highly unprofessional.”

-Loud sigh-

“Alright... I don’t really record these as often as I did in the beginning, but looks like I’ll have even less time soon. If we can get even one live... Thing, we can start testing to see if they can be trained, imprinted or... Well, this is HIGHLY optimistic, but I like to think we could teach them during the 5 years it ‘should’ take for them to mature.”

“Optimism. Baad baaaad optimism.”

-

Day 200 “HUNGOVER. That is all.”

-

Day 300, Sparta “That joke has been made to death by someone who saw a stupid, unrealistic movie once. If I get one more email with that video...” “I am not allowed to talk about too much detail in the audio logs, but I will say this to keep it in mind. The specimens with more unsteady structure seem to survive better than those with the big, bulky ones our employer wants. I-”

-You got mail-

-Loud blaring of a remix of “This is Sparta”-

“Kill. Me.”

-

Day 487, Finally! “My intuition was right! We managed to make a few specimens survive outside their containment tanks with alterations to... Well, anyway. The staff insisted on naming them Don and Monk. Take a damn guess which one that dumbass Rico named? Monk, right. Well, at least the thing will remember which project gave it life... If it lives past a week.”

-

Day 496, no title ideas “Don and Monk have taken their first steps. Don walks on two quite fine, but Monk has some form of deformation in its… His, knees and back, I need to look into it.”

-

Day 500, No party “Don died. Funnily enough, not because of any error on our part... While physically more capable, Don was unfortunately as dumb as a toddler and making no progress, so he tried to eat a knife, despite the bleeding and pain... I assume, can they feel pain?”

-Door opens suddenly-

-Male voice- “DR.Vee, come quick! The other one is sick or something!” “WHAT??”

-

Day 520, Worst is over. “Monk is still alive. Weird enough, he’s not so much deformed as he is... Strange in structure. He’s missing some ribs, but he has so many more vertebra in his neck and back than a human. ALL functional! I still can’t fathom how he lives, but... He has no trouble moving on all fours, he eats... BOY does he eat!”

“Called Jessica and Nathan today, introduced them to my team. They’re already in junior high... I missed them graduating elementary. Mother of the year award goes to... Someone else.”

-

Day 523 “Monk got his horns stuck in a wall and continued to whine loudly about it for ten minutes. We took pictures and video, for... Science.”

-

Day 565, Baby steps “I’ve put away all the training they wanted me to teach him. I need to treat him like the child he is until we can figure out how to imprint information and training directly onto the brains of the specimens. Speaking of, we have been unable to make new ones that live past the month. We keep them separate from Monk of course. He still keeps looking for Don... It’s sad to watch.”

-

Day 600 “Monk joined the party today! Well, the start of the party. We gave him some cake and let him curl up to watch us drink and be merry. He’s still too small to actually take part in anything more active than eating and wobbling around, but maybe one day.”

-

Day 1000, sorry. “God, it’s been.. Jeesh. So long since I’ve made the last one huh? Okay, so, summary. Monk is doing well. He is reaching what I would call the age of 9 or so. These things grow fast, but I have no idea how long he will actually live. Will he stop aging at the point we hoped? We’ll see.”

“Anyway.”

“I’ve been teaching him to speak and well... Unsurprisingly, ‘food’ ‘treat’, his own name and ‘hello’ in various different forms have stuck the most. I also gave him some crayons to practice his motor skills a bit... Thank god our purpose is not to create the ultimate artist, unless someone really likes stick figures.”

-

Day 1050, more progress “Another growth spurt, he’s maybe 15 ish now? He’s in a bit of pain from growing so fast, but we give him painkillers to he can sleep at least. He’s started to call me ‘mum’. It’s not what you think! I tried to get him to address me as ‘ma’am’, but apparently that is too hard for him to say.”

“Whatever.”

“It’s fine.”

“... Wonder how Jess and Nate are doing.”

-

Day 1068-1090, Annoying “CONSTANT threats for more progress or less funds, really. I know we’ve made great strides in the past two-three years, I mean, we DID create LIFE in the first year! But now the big hats upstairs have gotten used to the fast pace and want more, the greedy MOTHERFU-Mmhhh... Okay.”

-Deep breath in-

-Loud sigh-

“Monk has a good personality, very obedient when he likes you, but he has entered a rebellious phase... Teenagers right?”

“Not like I’d know, I didn’t get to see my kids turn from kids to pre-teens.”

“What employer doesn’t give vacation days?? Regardless, the sooner we duplicate the success with Monk, the better. Though...” “Well, this is just a thought, but what if instead of an army, we just create an entirely new species? Creator of an entire species of people, wouldn’t that be the same as being a god?”

“Or a really, REALLY productive mother.”

“...”

“Okay ew, horrible mental image.”

-

Day 1329, Troublesome thoughts “I can’t keep the thought out of my head. What if I just recreate Monk EXACTLY and just change the gender, and then repeat the process a few thousand times? I could... Hm.”

-

Last log, partially corrupted -Hasty footsteps and sounds of many doors being opened on the way-

“MONK!”

“Shhh darling, I know that’s your name, and I know you like telling me, but you have to be quiet now okay?”

-Whispered- “Monk.”

“Haa haa, clever.”

-Happy squeaking-

“I’ve decided to take Monk and just... Go. There’s no future for him here. They called, said my funding is officially over and they will ‘get rid’ of all evidence. That’s a fine word for killing all my specimens and Monk...! Those bastards will not touch him. I’m taking him, starting my own lab and continuing my work elsewhere! I’ll show them, I can do this. I can start an entirely new species, I can-”

-Sounds of gunfire and explosions-

“OH SHI-” -Explosion-

“Dr.Vee? That wouldn’t be my investment you’re running off with would it? “You’re...? Never mind, I don’t care. If I stop here, all my work will be for nothing! Just let me continue my work, or get out of my way!”

“I am afraid we can’t do that Dr.Vee. You see... When I said I am getting rid of all the evidence, I did of course mean you as well.”

“You-” -Shocked gasp, sound of gun being loaded-

“However, I would like that thing back. As a live specimen, it is VERY valuable for continued perfection of your work, without your failures... Namely yourself and your sentimentality.”

“Over my dead body you asshole!” “... Aight sure, why not?” -Sudden explosion, sounds of wildlife outside and the sound of scuttling bare feet on the floor-

“Monk no! You don’t know what’s out there, you won’t survive without me! MONK! MONK LISTEN TO ME, COME BACK, MO-”

-End of recording-