#i think medic talks to him like his own personal therapist

[dunkledog]

//blood and severed spy head [no gore]

just in case :)

they're smitten in their own ways

whoops i haven't posted in a while

here, take some messy sketches [imagine im tossing them at you like bird seed and you are pigeons in a park]

[stoutguts]

ADHD/neurodivergent 🧼 (💀🧼 too bc why not/it's my comfort ship and I love them)

(chock full of my own personal HCs and ideas, also mental health stuff/issues/problems heyo)

I am most definitely all for autistic Ghost, but what about ADHD brain/neurodivergent Soap? I've seen few people talk about this or explore it so here we go.

Like, even though Johnny's generally laid back, he still tends to be very hyper or high-strung. Maybe even overwhelming for some people, and is easily excited almost like a puppy (golden retriever Soap my beloved), (Ghost thinking it's literally the cutest thing ever). Bro has either the attention span of a nat or is so hyper-focused on something he forgets to blink.

He has APD (auditory processing disorder),—and will ask you to repeat yourself 15+ times before he finally understands what your saying. This is incredibly frustrating for him, but like Price will lose his shit, because having to repeat himself is like one of his pet peeves lmao.

Even Ghost and Gaz get fed up with him on occasion. Gaz will give him the silent treatment and refuse to talk to him. Usually when Simon finally gets irritated with him it's lead to a fight. But it isn't long before Ghost feels bad and apologizes, and reassures him saying "I know you can't help it". Simon tries to work on learning to be more patient specifically for him. 💕

He does the same things that Simon does to stim, (though particularly pacing and bouncing his leg). But he also likes to chew on everything, whether it’s a pen/pencil, a cap off a water bottle or other plastic drink bottle—(This pisses off Simon in particular, and they’re always scolding him about how he’s gonna end up choking on it. Not to mention, he always leaves the nasty ass, spit-covered things around and forgets to throw them away after he’s done with one. Either leaving Ghost to pick up after him much to his disgust, or forcing Johnny to throw his own shit away, (as he should). If he gets ahold one of those spiky silicone balls from an arcade machine he likes to bite the nibs on it, etc. Simon has even bought him some chewlery because he orally stims so much, to which Soap uses all the time and was overjoyed when Ghost first got it for him. Though his chewlery needs to constantly be replaced because Johnny has unusually strong and sharp teeth. It’s not uncommon for him to completely destroy shit that he gets his paws on. Simon often comparing him to a dog or a teething puppy.

I am also totally for Johnny being just as mentally fucked as Ghost.

He’s the four b's, bisexual, bipolar, bilingual, and a bitch.

Like Simon, Johnny has generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), for similar or for maybe even the same reasons as Ghost. Not nearly to the same level of severity, but panic attacks and flashbacks do happen on occasion. As with certain things he's easily triggered.

He also struggles with bipolar disorder and/or severe manic depression. His bipolar tendencies making it incredibly difficult to maintain relationships in his youth, among many other things, (his past drug abuse/addiction only making him worse and more unstable). Though these days he’s medicated and for the most part stable, only sometimes going off his meds, (particularly when he relapses or is heavily triggered by something).

No therapist has ever been able to help Soap, though he does see a psychiatrist regularly.

Mostly for anti-psychotics and other prescription refills and the like, but can vent as much as he likes to them. Either that, or Simon doesn't mind lending an ear to listen when he needs it.

Similar to Ghost, Johnny can have very low self-esteem, but can also be of very high self-esteem, (it fluctuates due to his manic depression). And Simon is more than willing to give him reassurance and comfort, but equally doesn't mind knocking him off his high-horse, and/or, taking down his ego a few pegs if need be. (Which isn't so bad, as Johnny just so happens to have a degradation kink). >:3

I’ve slightly/sort of mentioned this before in a previous post/rant, but for a more in depth look; Johnny is a highly reserved person, (though he’s able to put on a mask/a show for other people and strangers), and pretty stoic (all things considered), due to his traumatic upbringing. He has a very unhealthy habit of bottling up his emotions until he quite literally explodes, though he's trying to get better about that. But he can’t help but genuinely let his guard down, and has LEARNED to let his guard down around Ghost, the 1-4-1, and his sisters (the most important people in his life).

This tidbit has less to do with mental health and rather his personality but I still wanted to include it here so…

Soap is highly perceptive and emotionally intelligent. You can't hide anything from him as he can always tell when someone's lying to him, and he always knows when something's wrong. A true empath. He's also a very good liar himself because of this, but he uses this secret power responsibly, and would never lie to those closest to him and/or his loved ones.

All members of the 1-4-1 having highly specific phobias? Yes please.

As for Johnny…

He is deathly afraid of needles and hospitals (Trypanophobia and Nosocomephobia), because when he was growing up and as a young kid he was quite sickly, and often was in and out of the hospital. He's immunocomprised and gets sicks all the time, most of the time nowadays when he gets sick it's just a small cold, with the occasional illness that may put him out of commission for a bit—Simon always doting over him and making sure he’s okay when he even so much as senses he’s got a runny nose—Johnny finding it incredibly endearing, but when he was a child it was horrible. When he was hospitalized he'd suffer at the hands of doctors and nurses much too often, going through one too many traumatic experiences. Mostly, because of incompetence or just straight up apathy. Getting his IV done is the worst, because he's cursed with almost non-existent and small veins. Oh so jealous, of Ghost's huge and bulging veins. Someone will stick him upwards of 10 times or more, or until his arms are swollen, until they finally get it right usually. Not to mention, Johnny also has Hemophilia, and so he bleeds a lot which only makes it even more distressing. Soap specifically underwent medical and first-aid training, just so he could avoid going to medical himself as much as possible. His medical knowledge and training has happened to pay off lots of times in the field, for himself or for his teammates or squad’s sakes. Despite his aversion, he's not squeamish at all when it comes to mending his own wounds, or others weirdly enough. Even if he's severely injured he refuses to go to medical. Simon used to get really mad at him for this, because of not only his stubbornness, but seemingly his cockiness was what really pissed him off. And they know Johnny’s skills only go so far, and he's immunocomprised and a hemophiliac for crying out loud. Eventually Ghost confronted him about this, and after Soap explained everything it was a lot more understanding and sympathetic. Though it didn’t change the fact that it will borderline harass him if he’s seriously hurt and won’t go help himself, or just straight up force him to go to medical. Johnny always protests but ultimately he gives in, and Simon makes sure to give him emotional support and stay with him when he needs patched up.

Thank you for reading my ramblings, next post will be about my take on Ghost, his mental health, his autism, etc, probably!

[callsign-muffin]

Heal Together: Chapter 2

(Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw fic)

I'm like completely overwhelmed that anyone has even read the first chapter of my fic, well alone liked and/or reblogged it! Thank you guys so much!

This chapter is a little bit of filler, just a heads up. But I hope you all like it anyways.

Masterlist

Word Count: 2.0k

There were a lot of people surrounding Rooster’s bed, they all introduced themselves but the only thing he could really think about was how scared he was for them to pull this tube out of his throat. The doctor told him that there’s always a chance he might not respond well and they’ll have to place another one. And good god, that was the last thing he wanted. The sedation medications, being unable to talk, having to have his throat suctioned constantly, and listening to the never ending sounds of the machines were his own personal hell. And the prep before this was its own level of horrible. They put a vest on him that shook him violently to loosen any crap that had built up low in his lungs while he was intubated. Then they deep suctioned the shit outta his throat, it was so uncomfortable but Y/N promised it was all to help him and keep him from getting sick again and having to be intubated again.

He looked over at Y/N and prayed that she could say something to make him feel better. All of his friends and Mav were still on the aircraft carrier in God knows where, so Y/N was the only familiar face. He guesses he could’ve called Penny, Mav’s girlfriend, but it’s a Saturday morning, she should be spending time with Amelia and getting ready for another crazy night at the Hard Deck.

“So what’s gonna happen is: I’m gonna sit your bed up really high and place a pad under your chin since a lot of gunk might come up with the tube. That’s completely normal.” Y/N explained calmly, “Brent, the guy on your left, is the respiratory therapist. He’s gonna ask you to cough a few times and on the last cough, he’s gonna pull the tube out.”

Bradley nodded, looking her straight in her beautiful, expressive eyes.

“Your throat’s gonna hurt and feel really dry, you probably won’t be able to talk for a little bit.” She continued, “But I’m gonna stay here and monitor you, listen to your lungs, suction out any more gunk, and maybe we can try swabbing your mouth with water to help with the dryness until you’re cleared to drink. Does that sound okay?”

The young doctor at the bedside scoffed, “Do we really need to have this much dialog? We have other patients to get to, Nurse.”

Y/N’s face hardened, “I am well aware that you all are busy. However, I’m not going to allow anything to happen to Lt. Bradshaw without his full informed consent, so I’m making sure he knows exactly what we’re doing. It’s his right.”

The older doctor smiled at Y/N, “This is why nurses are so important, they fill in the blanks for the patients. As physicians, we can get caught up in the science and the technicality of things but nurses are the people who remind us to remember that we’re taking care of the whole person.”

The young doctor rolled his eyes.

Y/N smiled at the older doctor and shot the young doc a look that said, Bite me, bitch. She then looked at Rooster and asked, “You ready?”

Rooster nodded slowly, he was so scared.

“It’s okay that you’re scared.” She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, “But you see Brent, the one literally doing the damn thing to you? He’s not scared and I’m not scared ”

Brent smiled, “Not one bit. And all of those docs in their fancy white coats, they OK’d me to do this. That means they’re not scared either.”

Rooster felt a rush of calm wash over him, Y/N trusted these people, so he had no reason not to as well.

“Ready man?” Brent asked.

Bradley nodded.

Y/N sat the bed up so that he was sitting tall and placed an absorbent pad under his chin, “Let’s do it!”

“Give me a few coughs, Lieutenant.” Brent instructed.

Rooster coughed uncomfortably, it felt so weird with this thing on his throat.

“One last big cough.” Brent said.

With his next cough the tube was out and Rooster couldn’t help but continue to cough and dry heave. All the doctors’ eyes were glued to the numbers on his monitor, the only one looking at him was Y/N. 

She wiped all the spit and nastiness off of his face carefully and talked to him quietly, “That’s it, let it out. You’re doin’ great.”

A few moments later the older doctor said, “His oxygen sats look great. Let us know if anything changes, Y/N.”

Y/N nodded, “Will do. Can I get a standing supplemental oxygen order? Just in case his sats start to decline.”

“Of course, Carl– I mean… Dr. Parks will put those in for you right away.” The old doc looked over at the very displeased younger doctor.

Once the doctors all assessed him and felt okay leaving the room, it was just Rooster and Y/N. He gestured towards his white board, there was no way in hell he could talk yet.

Y/N happily passed it to him and proceeded to start her own assessment, listening to his lungs with her stethoscope.

That young doc is an asshole. Rooster wrote.

Y/N snorted, taking her stethoscope out of her ears and setting it to rest around her neck, “For the sake of professionalism, no comment.” 

Can you call Maverick and tell him I’m okay? 

“Yeah, of course.” She pulled a pen and a slip of paper out of her scrub pocket, “Just write down his full name and number.”

█ ✪ █▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓█ ✪ █

“Hi Captain Mitchell, this is Y/N and I’m Lieutenant Bradshaw’s nurse today.” You tried your best to sound as not nervous as possible. You always hated sitting at the nurses station and calling family members on the phone, usually because it was to give bad news or tell them to come to the hospital quickly to say goodbye. At least this time it was something positive.

“Oh my god,” The man choked on the other end of the line, “Is– Is he okay?”

“Yes, he’s fine. I’m sorry for scaring you.” You fiddled with the long phone cord, “He’s actually doing great. We took him off the ventilator about an hour ago and he’s breathing really well on his own. He’s working with physical therapy now, they have him out of bed and sitting in a chair.”

You could hear the joy in the man’s voice, “That’s incredible! Oh my god! I can’t wait to tell everyone, we’ve all been so worried. Can I speak to him?”

“Not quite yet, he’s not able to talk yet and will be hoarse for a little while.” You explained, twisting from side to side in the swiveling chair,  “But I can see if we can charge up his phone so he can text you and call when he’s able to.” 

“Thank you so much for the update, Y/N.” Capt. Mitchell gushed, “I usually have to call first for updates but this was such a great surprise.”

“Well one of the first things Bradley asked me to do for him after his extubation was call you and let you know that he’s okay.” 

He let out a happy sigh on the other end of the phone, “Did he really? That’s so good to hear. Tell him I’ll be home soon and my first stop will be to see him.”

You nodded, “Will do, Capt. Mitchell. You have a great rest of your day.”

“You as well, I know you’re taking great care of him.” And the call cut off right there.

“Ooooh look at you, big shot.” You couldn’t help but smile seeing Bradley sitting up in a chair and channel surfing on the crappy hospital TV.

Bradley picked up his white board and marker from the table beside him, Did you talk to Mav?

“You mean Capt. Mitchell?” You confirmed and Bradley nodded, “He said he’ll be home soon and his first stop will be to come see you. But hopefully you’ll have busted out of this joint before then.”

Bradley raised his eyebrows and scribbled, You think so?

You shrugged logging into the computer by his bed and starting to organize his 3pm medications, “I mean, I can’t say for sure. I know that you military dudes can’t tell people exactly where you’re going or when you’re coming home on your deployments. But if things keep going as well as they are, it seems like a good possibility you could be transferred to a step-down unit and then hopefully discharged in the next week or so.”

Bradley started writing again, I don’t want to go to another unit. I want to keep you as my nurse.

You giggled, “Well that is incredibly kind of you to say, but the best part of my job is seeing patients get well enough to be transferred to a lower acuity unit and then eventually discharged.”

Bradley pouted and drew a big fat frowny face on the whiteboard.

“You were a lot less sassy with that tube down your throat, Bradshaw.” You teased as you crossed the room with his meds, hanging them on the IV pole and programming the pump.

Pumping me up with poison? He smirked as he wrote.

“Nah, just antibiotics to treat that pesky infection that almost killed you and brought you in here.”

Damn, I was hoping you were gonna say they’re steroids to get me yolked. He flashed a mischievous grin at you.

You scoffed, “I took a pledge when I finished nursing school not to harm my patients and I considered giving them drugs that would shrink their balls and give them breasts doing harm.”

Bradley snorted and let out a hoarse laugh. Though it was very quiet, you could tell it was a great laugh.

“Hey Y/N, I’m taking room 4 back from you.” Carly, the young nurse from the morning, sat in the empty chair next to you at the nurses station.

“Oh great, do you want a full report or are you good with just the updates?” You asked, pulling out your notes from the day.

She clicked her pen, “Updates are just fine.”

“So the biggest news is that he was extubated today.” You grinned.

“Really?!” She gasped, “I’ve been pushing for that but the resident kept saying no.”

“Parks?” You inquired.

She nodded and sighed, “Yeah, have you met him?”

“Unfortunately.” You rolled your eyes, “I think he shares similar feelings about me as I do him.”

“I hope you gave him hell.” She giggled, “I’m still a new grad, so I don’t have enough experience under my belt to push back very much.”

“Well if he gives you any grief on your shift, don’t let it get to you. He’s also a new grad doctor, he’s also still learning.” You assured her then went on to finish your report.

“Hey Bradley, I’m headed out for the night. Carly’s gonna be taking care of you and I’ll be back tomorrow.” You entered the room with Carly by your side.

“Thank you…” Bradley croaked, “For everything…”

Your heart melted a little bit, you knew it took a lot of effort to get the words out, “You are more than welcome. And I’ll see you tomorrow. Hopefully we’ll get you transferred to a less intense unit.”

Rooster pouted and did a big thumbs down gesture.

You giggled, “That’s a great thing, Bradshaw. You don’t wanna be stuck in the ICU with me forever.”

He sassily rolled his eyes.

“Carly and I are gonna sign off some meds and check your lines.” You said, “And don’t give my girl too much sass tonight; she will be reporting back to me in the morning.”

Rooster scribbled on his whiteboard, No promises.

[aroaceleovaldez]

Any headcannons about Will Solace? he's an underrated bby (I think?) and I personally hc that he used to be a very moody kid but then decided to turn off all of his negaive emotions (most of the time)

oh i have SO many Will Solace headcanons built up from writing him on Deadangelos so much. Below the cut cause this is very long (and tumblr started glitching about the list format so manual it is):

- His roles at CHB are basically "Every possible medical personnel Ever™." He's camp medic, physician, surgeon, pediatrician, pharmacist, psychiatrist, therapist, dentist, optometrist, veterinarian, etc etc etc. Technically Chiron is also All Of That, but ever since Will joined camp most of the responsibility falls to him (at least in part because campers generally feel a bit more comfortable dealing with somebody their own age versus an immortal centaur), and Chiron just mentors him on it (unless they're running low on hands, in which case Chiron does pitch in, and sometimes the other Apollo kids help staff the infirmary if Will needs. In the past though it was usually just Chiron and whichever camper he pulled in that week to do first aid training with. Mr. D only really handles therapy stuff if Will isn't able to for one reason or another. Will gets very individualized training and has has own schedule separate from the rest of his cabin to account for all of that. Chiron basically personally took Will in under his wing as his apprentice and a not insignificant portion of Will's personal training is gross anatomy lessons with Chiron in the camp morgue. Will does not question where Chiron procures the cadavers for that. He probably should. They aren't campers. They are sometimes demigods, but not always. Most of the rest of camp doesn't even know there's a morgue, let alone that Will does gross anatomy dissection. It's not technically a camp "secret," Will isn't secret about it at all, but most campers treat it like it is and like to use it to try and spook new campers. The ones who find out about the gross anatomy portion and that there is exactly zero information about how Chiron is procuring cadavers are Mildly Concerned.

- Photokinesis and plague powers Will are both extremely fun. I love making him a son of Apollo Smintheus specifically and giving him pet rats and/or the ability to talk to rats and mice. He thinks they're soooo cute and is definitely the type to brag about how intelligent rats are. I also like to think he maybe had a pet snake at one point, like a big ol' boa. Will with a sunglow boa or something? yes? (I also just in general love the idea of Will's house back in Texas being a cute little ranch cause Naomi is rich and also a cowgirl and Will having a ton of different animals over the years. He probably originally wanted to be a veterinarian before he settled more on medic.)

- I just generally love playing with Will (not-so) subtly being the exact opposite of what people would expect from an Apollo kid. Initially he looks like the gold standard for an Apollo kid - sunny, friendly, chill, medic/healer, interest in science/arts/fandom, etc etc. Then you speak to him for more than 20 minutes and find out he loves snakes and rats and guts and gore and is fascinated by disease and mold. He takes gross anatomy classes taught by Chiron. One of his favorite hobbies is just dissecting stuff. He's into vulture culture. His idea of a perfect date is holding hands over a cadaver he is actively cutting into and passing the other person cool stuff he's fishing out. Also he's very vocal about thinking monsters are hot and the combo of all of that is exactly why he's into Nico. Everybody else thinks Nico's inherently cursed or something? Will doesn't mind being cursed - in fact he wants to be cursed, for science. He's swooning over the idea of Nico sacrificing him for some dark ritual in the middle of the night. He daydreams about Nico being a vampire that's gonna romantically kill him. The rest of camp is waiting for the day Will does something stupid and gets himself killed like, flirting with a monster (or the Hades kid) or something. Nico just generally doesn't know how to feel about the whole situation but is? (hesitantly) flattered?? that somebody is enthusiastic about him while recognizing and appreciating his Underworld aspects. Will is out-weirding him, somehow, and Nico never knew this was a thing that could happen.

- Related to that - I have a whole headcanon about "Bad Omen" demigods, which are basically the other main CHB cabin's versions of Hephaestus kids with fire powers being bad luck. For Apollo kids their "bad luck omen" super rare power is a plague-powers kid, and Will showed up during the Titan War, just a couple months before the Battle for Manhattan when nearly all his cabin died. He is very acutely aware of this superstition and fully believes he is a bad luck charm for the cabin and feels SUUUUPER guilty about it and so hides his plague powers. It's not that he feels bad about his plague powers specifically - he thinks plague stuff is really fascinating and his powers are cool and can be used for healing too! - he's just really concerned about how others will view him. (Very strong parallel dynamics between how Will views his plague powers vs the stigma around them & how Nico views his Underworld powers vs the stigma around them. They are handshake emoji).

- TTC implies that Apollo kids are more often than not summer-only campers, and I think it's fun to have Will's backstory being: He may or may not have "accidentally" caused a plague/pest outbreak at his old school early into the year and between that school having to shut down for a couple of months because of that and his mom maybe going on tour, they decided it was time for him to move to CHB and go there year-round. Except he goes from Texas to New York in the middle of winter and he's a son of Apollo, so he gets there and it's like sleet and slush and all cold and he's the only Apollo kid at camp and he hates it so bad. He eventually gets used to it but it is awkward when all his siblings come back in the spring/summer to find they have a new youngest sibling who's just been chilling all by himself for a couple of months. But then Austin and Kayla join so at least he's not the newest/youngest Apollo kid. (But then nearly all of Cabin 7 immediately dies in TLO and Will's right back to being in a mostly empty cabin and being in charge.)

- He definitely puts on an approachable/friendly, or at the very least calm, face 99% of the time, partially because it's expected of him and it's also maybe a little bit masking (it's a lot masking) cause he knows he can be a bit much. He is 100% the type of guy who feels like he has to solve all his problems himself and can't let anybody else know he has problems, and also that he has to help everybody else with their problems because that's his job, right? So he's constantly stressing himself out to the point of breakdown. He also half lives in the infirmary (which he totally has his own little office in) and he'll just shut himself in and spend like, a couple of days straight in there and probably not sleep. He's a workaholic just as bad as Nico and a total hypocrite about it/about overexerting one's self but he's working on it. Nico's too much of a take-no-shit kind of guy (and also him and Will are way too similar) so usually when Will nags Nico about that kind of thing it turns into Will looking in a mirror or Nico turning it back around on him and Will going "ah shit i need to take my own advice >:T"

- He's best friends with Drew Tanaka and he lets out his bitchy side when he's hanging out with her. they are bitching friends. they love to bitch. It's a great venting environment for him cause he knows Drew loves to hear him complain and talk shit so he can just let out all his pent-up frustrations and she'll just enthusiastically eat it all up. The two of them will gossip endlessly. Drew is mildly concerned about Will's romantic tastes though (again: monsters. cryptids. the Addams family. evils from the shadows. the guy from The Shape Of Water. Nico) and keeps trying to talk him out of flirting with things that might kill him. He does not listen to her.

- His only normal crush is Paolo but everyone is waiting for the other shoe to drop about how Will could possibly be weird about this one (there's an ongoing camp bet with different theories). He also dated Drew for like, all of a week but they both decided they totally hated it and preferred to stay just besties (bonus points: That was what Drew considered as her passing the whole Aphrodite-kids-breaking-hearts thing. literally neither of them cared).

- I know his full name is William but it's really funny if he lies about that and his full name is actually Wilhelm, named after the scream.

- ...He is a Swiftie. He's been a Swiftie since he was younger back with like, OG-era country music Taylor Swift and he's just stuck with it.

- Trans!Will is fun and I love it lots. Drew helping him with transition stuff is also very near and dear to me.

- His crush on Nico originates from them meeting for the first time during the Battle for Manhattan. Nico's attempt at flirting with Percy misfired and hit Will instead lmao. Nico parts the Titan Army in cool thematic armor and with three gods in tow, says a dramatic one-liner, and then is super badass in battle and Will is head-over-heels for him immediately. He then proceeds to spend the next year obsessing over Nico and being tormented by Nico never being at camp and never being able to talk with him. Ergo why when Nico shows up in BoO, Will is immediately like "HOLD MY HANDS. THREE DAYS IN THE INFIRMARY. HANG OUT WITH ME PLEASEEEE-" (and that's why Will was under the assumption that Nico was actively avoiding people rather than being ostracized, cause he had heart-eyes tunnel vision). Him in BoO though really is just seeing his crush and losing all his cool.

- For some reason he is just an absolute magnet for chthonic demigods. Nico, Lou Ellen, Cecil (who i hc is a chthonic Hermes kid), etc etc. He thinks Underworld stuff is super cool though (again, see: Will being super into spooky/gory stuff/etc). Also all the ex-Titan army kids decided they were his personal body guards immediately after the war cause he was nice to them.

- He is a HUUUUGE nerd. Specifically a sci-fi and disney nerd. They're his hyperfixations (/special interests if you lean more autistic!Will) <3 His favorite franchises are Star Wars and Avatar (the blue one). He loves conceptual alien biology/ecology and could go on about it endlessly. He will also very enthusiastically infodump about Disney history (both the art/animation side and theme parks side) and other sci-fi series. Ask him about Doctor Who (you will be there for several hours).

- Will being a micro-celebrity cause of his mom is very fun to me. He's been on talk shows and stuff before cause people love how snarky this country star's kid is. He has an extremely popular Instagram and Austin uses him as clickbait in his Youtube videos extremely often (including forcing him to guest-star or do like react content and stuff) (Will is more than happy to indulge him though cause he finds it funny).

- I also love the idea that Will and Piper have actually known each other since they were little, from Tristan and Naomi meeting at some point and realizing they had kids the same age and encouraging them to be pen-pals. Once social media becomes more of a like, Proper Thing™ they become mutuals on Instagram but just use it to periodically send each other silly memes (Piper's instagram is private and basically all she uses it for is dm'ing people). It takes them a solid week of being at CHB together to realize "WAIT, YOU'RE THAT [PIPER/WILL]?!" One of their hobbies is going into the city and seeing if people will recognize them/if paparazzi will see them and making games out of it (who can ruin the most photos, what types of fake gossip can we get them trying to circulate, etc etc).

- I am a firm believer that Will is an extremely loud out-and-proud type of guy and has been for awhile (again see: him being a micro-celebrity) and he spearheads or runs a lot of pride stuff at CHB ever since he joined. If there is a pride parade/event at CHB he helps organize it. If there's a GSA club at CHB he is the head of it. He keeps pamphlets in the infirmary of queer educational material and guides to different identities and stuff and is very passionate about making people feel welcomed and comfortable. Because of this, when he found out Nico was from the 1930s and severely not up-to-date on terminology and stuff, he considered getting Nico up-to-date his greatest challenge yet. It was a personal quest for him. There was also definitely at least a week before that where Will thought Nico might be homophobic or something and was going "I CAN FIX HIM" before Nico managed to explain that no, he's... very supportive (muffled coughing coming from closet), he's just also extremely behind and doesn't know what any of those words mean, thanks. Will set up the most extensive queer crash course possible for him and poor Nico was just going "slow down please,,,," the entire time. Will gets him up mostly up to speed eventually. I just love Will being that type of guy who will start explaining misc queer history with citations at the drop of a hat. It is probably another hyperfixation of his.

- Will and Annabeth both consider Chiron an adoptive father-figure and joke about being siblings and which of them is the favorite child, cause they both know they're definitely Chiron's favorite campers. They both get him father's day cards/gifts.

[rottenpumpkin13]

I keep thinking about Sephiroth going to therapy and how incredibly unrealistic it would be for him to get proper help when he was at Shinra. Professor Hojo likely micromanaged every aspect of his medical care with meticulous documentation and using Sephiroth's whole being as research material. No scenario where Sephiroth gets therapy ends well because he was Shinra's property, not his own person.

#1 Any therapy sessions would have been conducted under Hojo's supervision, or worse: Hojo taking on the roll of the therapist himself. Sephiroth wouldn't be able to properly talk about his struggles without it being a) dismissed by Hojo or b) having it used against him.

#2 Even if Genesis and Angeal (or even Sephiroth himself) had managed to arrange therapy outside of Shinra, the company's pervasive, creepy ass control over Midgar would have likely led to monitoring and coercing the therapist for information.

#3 (and what I heavily suspect was the case) Shinra provided a therapist within their roster of doctors for Sephiroth. Hojo may have been disgusting but he wasn't dense, and knew that every type of doctor would benefit his precious creation. BUT these therapy sessions are heavily monitored and tailored to fit Shinra's needs. It could've been another avenue for Hojo to manipulate Sephiroth and have a full view of his mind. Hojo would want full access to every little thing that goes on in Sephiroth's psyche. Writing this out now, I wouldn't be surprised if these "therapy sessions" were something he was forced to do, forced to open up and give up what little privacy he had. Sephiroth was not a person to Shinra. He was a weapon, something less than human. That man had no freedom until his breakdown in Nibelheim.

[crazyfandomluver]

*clears throat and leans into the mic* oc update. *disappears*

Hey!

So. I figured out a bit more about my shadow company oc, and I need to share it so here’s what it is:

I decided I didn’t want him to be a soldier, we already have plenty of those, and I know we already have a medic. I was originally thinking about making him a cook, because someone has to cook for all this hungry babies, right??? WRONG. They can make their own food for themselves and for others. What these lil fellas really need, is some gosh dang THERAPY. So he’s gonna be a therapist and help his precious buddies😌

As another thing relating to therapy, he’s pretty adamant about them not bottling up their feelings, and finding some way to unleash their feelings. If they don’t want to talk about it, he’s turned an empty office room into a rage room where they can safely destroy things (The walls do not count PIXEL. You will break your fist, PIXEL.) My oc has made sure to provide safety gear, and has had soldiers bring back items from the war zone so that the soldiers can take care of pent up energy.

However, if they DO want to talk about it, he would love to sit down and talk with them! Nothing will be shared outside of his office, and he makes sure that they can feel as comfortable as they can.

He’s also REALLY good with his hands. In a crafty way, of course. He’ll often spend most of his free time making plushies, pillows, bean bags, and other things for soldiers. He’s very skilled, and very sneaky about finding out what soldiers would like, in ways ranging from having others ask about it, to sneaking the question into the end of a session. He’ll often make something for someone while they’re on a mission, and then when they come back, he’ll either give it to them personally, or they’ll find it on their bunk with a little note :) Unfortunately due to the danger that’s normally present on missions, there has been a few times where he’ll be waiting outside of the transport vehicle with the thing he made for them, watching for the soldier to exit, only to find out that they died on the mission. He knows how to handle his own grief of course, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

I had started thinking about what I wanted his first name to be, (because he’s not a soldier so he doesn’t have a callsign or a number) and the first name that came to mind was Adam, and I couldn’t think of anything else so… he finally has a name now! 🥳 I also decided that his last name will be Takker, which is pronounced ‘Tah-care’

Also, here’s a plushie I decided that he would make based off this dog toy that I found!

Plushie Grandpa Russell the Opossum!! Of course, the head wouldn’t be made of rubber, but I’m sure you get the idea 😅 This is just one of the things that Adam would make, including bean bags and other things. He’s also good at painting and stuff and has even drawn on his knife that he has for self defense so it’s a neat little custom decal knife ^^

I feel like he would definitely enjoy having a family, he in fact has a sweet wife who works part time on weekends and bakes him things to take to work and to his friends, and one adorable little girl who he brings to work on ‘bring your kid to work’ day. Her name is Asher, and she carries around this little unicorn plushie that Adam made for her 🥰

I will eventually draw him. (Eventually could be anywhere from today to 5 years later)

@pampanope @mrsphillipgraves @whitewolfmystery @theseareregularthoughts

[calliecat93]

Balance of Terror is probably, up to that point, Kirk in his most perilous situation. It is full battle mode where if he makes so much as one wrong move, he risks death. Not too mention potential war against an enemy that he knows little to nothing about. Thus, for the vast majority of the episode, we have Kirk in Full On Captain Mode... except for one scene.

It's been hours now since the battle against the Romulans has started. At this moment, the Enterprise is a sitting duck and all that they can do is wait. Which gives Kirk plenty of time with his thoughts and in turn, his doubts. Doubts that he cannot let anyone see under any circumstances. Even when Rand, his personal Yeoman who has seen him at his best and worst, comes to see if he needs anything, the mask stays put. There's no point in bombarding her with what he's feeling internally and freak her out. That's not a luxury that he's allowed.

Well... save for one person.

As soon as McCoy walks in and Rand leaves? Kirk is noticeably more at ease. You can even see Rand realize it and leave, allowing McCoy to help the Captain when she clearly isn't going to get anywhere.

It's only then that Kirk feels comfortable talking and letting his doubts be visible. It's the one vulnerable moment that he lets show in the episode, feeling the pressure as his men to look at him and the fear of what happens if he's wrong. If you think back to The Corbomite Manuver we had a similar moment where McCoy tried to talk to Kirk, but while Kirk was at more ease, he didn't want to hear it nor did he let himself really open up. He doesn't even use Bones then, which sure it's probably because they hadn't thought of the nickname yet, but in-show you can interpret it as Kirk remaining in professional mode even to the guy who has it in his job description to see to his mental health.

Not that McCoy is there just because it's his job, of course.

From what we can tell, McCoy went to Kirk on his own volition. He wasn't called or anything, he went to go make sure that Kirk was doing okay. He's been in Sickbay for the majority of the episode and hasn't exactly been able to make time to go check on the Bridge Crew, especially not Jim. Now that he can, he's just there to let Kirk air out whatever he's been bubbling in for so many hours , as he always does.

But Kirk doesn't need McCoy, his Chief Medical Officer and essentially therapist, right now. And he clearly needs more than a soundboard to vent his feelings to. What Jim needs is Bones, his best friend and confidant. You even have McCoy, once Kirk's done talking, start to go 'Captain I-" before he's cut off, still somewhat in that professional mode (maybe even remembering the last time he spoke out of line in a tense situation ala The Corbomite Manuever). That's not what's needed. Kirk didn't expect an answer, but McCoy stops him. He outright says that he normally doesn't talk to 'a customer' like he is now, which goes to show how much he views Jim as far more than a patient or as the captain of the ship. Kirk is, first and foremost, his friend, and he needs some kind of reassurance right then and there.

And that's exactly what he gives.

MCCOY: But I've got one. Something I seldom say to a customer, Jim. In this galaxy, there's a mathematical probability of three million Earth-type planets. And in all of the universe, three million million galaxies like this. And in all of that, and perhaps more, only one of each of us. Don't destroy the one named Kirk.

Just that bit of assurance and Kirk is good to go. And I think he needed it from Bones specifically. Bones, the one person that Kirk can really be himself around. The one person who he's allowed to be vulnerable around. The one person who has always been there to ease him and help him process his feelings, as we've seen already in episodes like The Enemy Within. And even with McCoy worried himself, even having voiced concern about the gamble that Jim is taking earlier in the episode, he still trusts him and has faith in him. And unlike The Corobomite Manuever where he provoked an argument and had his priorities skewed, McCoy knows what Kirk does and doesn't need right now, and he delivers.

IDK, I just love these two so much and I need to voice it for the world cause dang it, someone has to!

[not-a-matopoeia]

HEAD CANNON HILLS I PERSONALLY CHOOSE TO DIE ON:

Fight me (lol)

Bruce Wayne

Gray Hairs are mostly in and around his temples and beard- also he won’t dye it

Asexual but not sex repulsed (it just feels right)

Definitely experienced with makeup, sure to cover bruises and stuff but also he definitely had a phase where he wore eyeliner cause why not

Autistic

Dick Grayson

Crooked nose

Speaks some Roma still but has forgotten most of it, which makes him upset

People deffo thought he was gay all through school, and they weren’t wrong…or right (he’s some form of queer)

Gymnastics teacher as a side job

ADHD

Oldest Daughter SyndromeTM

Jason Todd

I think that Jason runs a book club with a bunch of middle aged women, and they talk about classic lit

Theater Kid (gay)

Good with kids, reluctantly

Has freckles

Hair is caused by Marie Antoinette syndrome

Struggled with body dysmorphia after being revived

Keeps all his receipts (they’re in a box in the kitchen) and is stingy with money

Tim Drake

Wears a Medical Identification bracelet for the spleen thing (it’s recommended guys I looked it up cause I’m normal)

Has acne

Chased Batman and Robin around with that damn camera (I fucking love this)

Has anxiety

Bisexual (not a HC but I thought I’d mention it)

Would eat the coffee grounds

Listens to video game osts

(Bring the skateboard back)

Damian

Strong nose

Just very strong features generally

Giggles, or full on cackles but there’s no In between

I think it’s be cute if he became an art therapist or a vet

Autistic

Cass

Cuts her own bangs, they look horrible<3

Lesbian

Tired to dye her hair once (with Steph and Babs)never again

Steph

Grew up in crime ally (idk where she lived so I choose to believe this- this could also be the truth, again I cannot remember rn)

Freckles

Butterfly Clips

Bisexual

Curly hair

Alfred

Had chased multiple people off of Wayne Manors premises with his shotgun ‘

Got second place in a chili cook off one time and still hasn’t recovered

Extra:

Dick and Jason are big into Taylor Swift, Jason because I think he’d like ballads/the lyrics in songs and Dick because he’s Dick

Selina Kyle actually likes the Robins, and her and Steph got along well

Jason and Steph have really thick Gotham accents, which I like to think is like a Jersey accent, Jason’s shows up more when he’s upset in any capacity, Steph’s is always there and was never trained out of her

Dick has this weird accent where it’s very clearly not anything American, but it’s not not American, and it’s because he moved so much and was around people woth so many different accents that his voice never settled on one

Damian talks to himself in Arabic- Jason knows a bit of it

Cass is a messy eater (this isn’t cannon is it?)

I think it’s be funny to imagine Tim, Cass and Steph going to High School together

Steph was that one girl in the Cookie Monster pjs in high school, and Tim was like this weird goth/skater kid

[drdemonprince]

how did you know that seeking institutional help was the right step to take?

For four years I was always in high levels of care. When I transitioned out of that, I was a "revolving door patient" to ip units living with a carer the rest of the time. I sometimes self-harmed or did other actions intentionally to get hospitalized during that time. I'm going to focus on mostly that because I don't want to get into the weeds of how different psych treatment programs are categorized and run.

I would say that my goal of being hospitalized usually was to change something in my outpatient life - let my therapist know I wasn't willing to do something, get my companions to let me go for walks alone, whatever. I'd get hospitalized or call the cops on myself or send scary texts to my therapist and then try to end my life, eventually being stopped. I didn't want to die, but if I could prove to them I was willing to, they'd listen.

Another person mentioned a desire for closeness+physical touch, and that was a huge part of it for me. i even got restrained sometimes just because I wanted any touch, which is something commonly heard from incarcerated people. I had certain nurses and other staff who I saw as my family, calling my therapist "dad" and interacting in a needy, childlike way with floor staff.

I also liked how much it pared down my life. I was in college at the time, and found the social habits of the other students confusing and overwhelming, so I'd get hospitalized to miss class.

what helped you trust the professionals or the institution enough for it to be beneficial to you?

i wouldn't say I trust any of the institutions, but some staff earned my trust. I was a scary mean noncompliant patient so the few who actually bothered to get to know me were usually moments away from some kind of burnout where they realized all this shit sucks.

One of the things they did that earned my trust was to share about their own mental health or addiction history. This is encouraged in sud places, but usually VERY discouraged in psych units, moreso the higher level of care it is.

Another big thing was to allow me to break rules or break them themselves. My ex-therapist used to meet with me for extra time, give me my DVD player when I wasn't allowed, etc. and it felt like he saw me as equal. Turns out he sucks. but. during the time he was treating me he definitely helped me a lot with my thinking patterns, so the trust still ended up benefiting me, even if the relationship didn't always. He also talked A LOT about his family and life outside of work, and showed me pictures, and I even met his dog once.

for me this is an example of why therapists are kind of. not great? because he earned my trust enough to help me, I was at his defense. I felt like not getting better was something I was "doing to him", and his displays of sadness (once something I'd considered a positive aspect of his self disclosure) became a way to manipulate me into the hospital when I didn't want to go, without having to resort to force or law. i agreed with the assertion of psychology that he knew me better than I know myself, and gave every part of my personality, personhood, to the medical model.

so yes it helped as in now when I'm suicidal or about to bpd-style destroy my every relationship I think "play the tape forward what happens next" and don't. which is lame bc it means most of the people who treated me get to leave patting themselves on the back about how well im doing now.

which kinds of institutions have been *less* traumatic than the others?

A few times I got to live in supportive group home style places, and those are kind of nice! It was cool to be in a place surrounded by other mentally ill people. Much less lonely. In general, places that let you outside independently, let you access food independently (e.g. no staff in the kitchen), and let you keep some secrets from staff are the best. My quality of life was 100% better when all the program heads knew we were vaping in our rooms but just let it happen unless someone started setting off alarms. Ditto with like, being able to stay up late on Devices.

Having that independence, a place for my sense of self other than being a patient, was sooo sooo helpful.

is it sometimes worth simply not being able to act on the ideation, even if it means putting up with lots of institutional bullshit?

I didn't find the hospital particularly good at getting me to not act, instead they just prevented the worst consequences. All three hundred stitches I got for self-harm were while I was institutionalized. But like, my nerve damage is less than it could've been. I am not sure how to evaluate if that's better than having just died, because I have no idea how much the institution itself caused self-harm and suicidality.

all things being equal, would it always be better to be able to stay at a friend's house instead?

yes

if you could get 24-7 company from a loved one, would that be better?

yes. however. i think it would be good if people had some information about how to talk to suicidal people. like... i forget the training. but its similar to what they teach helpline volunteers. thats its ok to say suicide. to ask if they have a plan. to ask if theyd be willing to get rid of the means. etc.

SORRY IF THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE TO READ

this is a wealth of information, thank you!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Okay, so this one has been eating at me for years and I FEEL like the asshole even though everyone involved has never expressed that they think I was an asshole. I’m terrified about what the consensus will be, and either way I should probably talk to a therapist about this now that I’ve typed it out. This one is mildly sexual but I won't include like, details of that or anything.

So basically, years ago I (20 F) was dating this guy (19 ftm) with a LOT of issues. When we first started dating, I mentioned that a lot of his issues really echoed a lot of what my mom went through when I was growing up, and that he should probably see a psychiatrist/therapist. Sure enough, turns out he’s bipolar too! We found out because the psychiatrist prescribed medication for depression that has a notoriously bad effect on bipolar folks. He started cycling rapidly and it was a lot of strain on a new relationship.

Here’s where the assholery begins. Basically, I went to visit him and his family for the first time, and we were up late that night. He was having a bit of a rollercoaster of a night. He’d been crying over something personal, and then we were laughing over a movie, and then things started to get heated. I was really kind of uncomfortable because of the wild swing of the night, and while I was into it, I knew he had a history of lying to sexual partners about his comfort with sex.

I told him over and over again over the previous months that if he didn’t want it I didn’t want to either. No one likes having sex with a partner that isn’t into it. This night though, I stopped him several times to ask him if he was sure. And at one point he asked me why I kept stopping things, and I told him because he’d had a lot of emotions that night and I didn’t want to take advantage of that.

He told me multiple times that he was fine and he was good. Fast forward several months and we’re at a party playing some question game or whatever. Someone asked me about the best sex I’d ever had, and I mentioned that night because it WAS good. That’s when my partner turns to me and says he has NO MEMORY OF THAT NIGHT AT ALL. Like he’d been so out of his mind that he’d disassociated the whole night and doesn’t remember even being there, let alone sleeping with me. I mean, it sucks bad enough that he said this in front of all of our friends. He made a joke about “your best sex was during your partners mental breakdown lol.” We were ALL super uncomfortable for the rest of the night. Now, years later I still think about how horrific it is in hindsight.

Safe, SANE, and consensual right? On one hand, I know I’m not a mind reader and had no idea he was so out of it that night. But also, I knew he has lied to partners about his own comfort with sex before and I should have stopped him there. We’re no contact now, and I’m really glad to be out of that relationship for a whole host of reasons, but I still feel like there should have been some sort of sign or something I should have picked up on that would have stopped that from happening. I feel a little violated? Like not just physically but also like he really violated my trust that he would express himself maturely and make responsible sexual decisions.

He’s never said anything to me about being upset with the way things turned out. He’s never expressed hurt or that he thinks I was in the wrong. But there’s just something about this whole situation that makes me feel like I did something irreversibly terrible to someone else. So I guess I have to ask. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[ladykakata]

Do you think that after canon Mickey will attend some kind of therapy/eventually take medication? I've read a couple of AUs where he got diagnosed with depression but I realistically don't see it happening in canon sadly, with the whole Gallagher's don't do therapy premise

This is a very interesting question. A deleted scene shows him mentioning 'triggered' (which I thought was out of character as a word for him to use, I would have thought he would use a different phrasing even if he learned the word from reading up on mental health issues) so he's clearly been researching in the background things about mental health, likely focusing on Bipolar II and psychosis, as that's what Ian has. I do wonder if he did what I did and also got interested in various medications, since Ian's doctor explicitly mentioned the possibility of trying a few if the initial prescriptions didn't work.

If you asked me before watching the deleted scene where Ian mentions attending pilates together (much to Mickey's quiet irritation), I would have said he'd never do it. However, with the pilates scene and the very, very gradual melting into accepting some parts of West Side life in exchange for letting him be a gremlin to assert his own way of doing things ("Can I piss in the pool?" "Yeah ... *pause* ... Really?" "Yup!"), it's possible. It's POSSIBLE. But there would be a lot of caveats.

You said rightly 'Gallaghers don't do therapy'. Ian is aware his upbringing was screwed-up, but he's also still fiercely loyal to his family, he was so offended by the other couples at the gay meetup mentioning how much they hated their families. For as much as Ian loathed Frank and had conflicted feelings about his mother, his love for his family is not dimmed*. Ian is still loyal to certain family principles, and he only started taking his medication regime seriously and understanding his mania and depressive episodes are an issue when his family and Mickey hammer it into him. Without the family making the caveat, he likely would have stuck to avoiding mental health help. Mickey would only go to therapy if Ian went first (and probably only go if he were tagging along with Ian with the latter being the main focus), he would only go if the therapist had an understanding of Mickey's background, and I'd argue for a female or femme-presenting therapist as I still think he gets on better with women than men overall.

A counter to the idea of Mickey going, apart from the fact his feelings have to be dragged out kicking and screaming and the only person to get them out of him is pretty much Ian, is the fact in a deleted scene he outright was dismissive and irritated at talking out his feelings with the possibility of sock puppets with his Prison Officer.

TL;DR - It's highly unlikely he'd ever even consider going to therapy in his current state. After a few years, if Ian goes first, and if they do adopt like Ian is hoping for? It's possible. But he is never, ever going to go without Ian being first and being there, that's for damn sure. And I wouldn't see him going for depression, I'd see him more going for PTSD considering he flinches violently everytime someone touches him in his sleep and he doesn't do being startled very well either.

[* - I don't take Ian siding with Mickey over Lip in their disagreement as Ian growing away from his family at all. I think this is part of the silent agreement that exists between the two that they each deal with their respective families and the other does not interfere, something that has genuine merit when watching Mickey deal with paralysed Terry and also not really fighting back when Lip told him to butt out of the kitchen home-selling discussion, but that's going to be an entire post by itself lol]

[kittycatxoxo1]

TW: Depression, Suicide!

...

AU where Endeavor hired a nanny for Shoto after Rai gets into the psych ward, since he's got hero work and he wants to keep Shoto isolated from his siblings a nanny sounds like the right choice for him.

(Nanny can be male or female)

Shoto is wary of the new person but warms up after awhile, the nanny doesn't really go along with Endeavor's plans for things like sneaking Shoto some candy, sneaking Shoto out to play with other kits at the park, the nanny does realize that Natsuo harbors some resentment towards Shoto and Fyumi would definitely tell Endeavor that the nanny let them see Shoto so the nanny keeps him away from.

As Shoto grows up he notices that his nanny isn't as outgoing as they used to be, he tries to be funny for them to make them smile and it works for awhile, after some time even Endeavor starts noticing the nanny's odd behavior.

When Shoto is about 13 he finds his nanny hanging by a noose in the closet of their room, there is a note that talks about their declining mental health and if Shoto is the one to find the note that it isn't his fault and that they loved him like their own.

When Shoto is at UA his reason to be a hero is different, he asks Aizawa if they should learn the warning signs of suicide and how they should act in that situation, Aizawa is glad someone is thinking about helping people with depression but it also makes him worried on why this 15 year old is asking all those questions.

Shoto would also make his hero name a reference to his nanny and makes it known that he wants to be a therapist hero like HoundDog.

Since Shoto isn't the best at interacting with others I feel like he would try to diagnose people he's fighting lol maybe like while he's fighting he's asking them questions and going "It sounds like you have a case of PTSD if you want i can give you the information for a good therapist :)"

...........

(Extra)

Maybe after the nanny's death it wakes Endeavor up about how he's treating his kids earlier and maybe after the nanny's death he starts seeing the same behavior in Shoto and it scares him.

Maybe he sees Deku showing some signs of depression and it worries him so much he starts following him around and checking on him randomly.

After some time Natsuo and Shoto get closer because of their interests in the medical field.

Shoto and Fyumi get closer also by their interests in knitting (the nanny taught Shoto)

With the whole dabi thing I can't think of a why this would change anything but maybe he sees Shoto casually trying to diagnose a random villain and he finds it funny.

[saltygilmores]

Does Jess Mariano have ADHD or not? One neurodivergent's meager opinion, don't take anything I say too seriously.

I have seen some people (infrequently) try to armchair-diagnose Jess with ADHD. I was diagnosed around 7 years old in the early 90s with ADD, when ADD and ADHD were two separate diagnoses. I'm old? I realized, as an adult, that it was and still very much is common for women to go under-diagnosed well into adulthood, so for my school district to pick that out when I was in first grade shows they did at least one thing right, I guess? Or my ADD was so severe and blindingly obvious that it wasn't exactly difficult to notice. But I digress. What is my diagnosis? Take everything I say with a grain of salt. I'm only playing armchair therapist, as we like to do around these parts. I have no medical or mental health training and I can only speak from my own experience as someone with the condition. As we know, it's a spectrum, and it often presents differently for boys than it does for girls. With that out of the way, no, I don't think he has ADHD. A lot of people lean on the scene in Teach Me Tonight where he's not interested in Rory's tutoring. Or maybe that scene where he's bugging Lane for a pencil in class. (PLEASE, I needed to see more interaction at SHH!) So that's the Attention Deficit, but those two scenes really aren't enough to convince me. Some of other symptoms of ADHD (and certainly not all of them) and whether I think they may apply to him: Talking Excessively- No Fidgeting & Squirming-No Interrupting-No Restlessness-No Problems with Following Through On Set Tasks-No Mood swings- no impulsiveness- no Frequently loses items-no Disorganized- Maybe? (if we're going by his sometimes messy living quarters, but he also keeps a nicely organized dresser that Luke can snoop through) Forgetfulness-no Trouble Listening: Ehh? I don't think so. He just doesn't like listening to people who are transparent as a piece of plastic wrap with their bullshit (cough, lorelai) Trouble following rules: Yes, but see above A tendency to hyper-focus on a task he enjoys but he will become easily distracted if a task bores him: Maybe Problems with time management/lateness-nope Daydreams frequently- Yes, and getting lost in his books (wouldn't you do the same to cope if you were him though, let's be honest) Errrr, come to think of it, Lorelai might want to get checked out. Jess was highly intelligent and too smart for his own good. He loved reading and learning about subjects that actually interested him. Homework, tests, and studying likely bored him unless it was a subject or a specific topic he enjoyed and he felt this kind of work was beneath him. This is quite typical of those diagnosed with ADHD. He would be one of those kids (and I would know) whom the teachers describe as "Bright student, but he needs to apply himself/ not meeting his potential" I think he would have enjoyed the more rigorous academics of Chilton and the structure of a school like that could have helped him stay on the right path. It couldn't have been worse than Stars Hollow High, which failed him miserably. However I think that ultimately a place like Chilton would have felt too stuffy and restricting for him and he would be miserable being surrounded by all the rich snobby kids. Despite some road blocks, Rory survived and thrived being the "poor" transfer student, but it would have been much more uncomfortable for Jess (even with Rory being his classmate and having at least one person in the school he could lean on). Rory, at least in high school, is a lot more agreeable, docile, focused, and beholden to authority, has an involved parent and a stable home life. (I have a couple of weak theories about how he would get into Chilton and how he could even afford it, but they're really a stretch and unrealistic)

Imagine your troubled alcoholic mother dumped you on a bus to live in a weird town in another state, where you live with an uncle you barely know in an apartment above a diner where you have no privacy and said relative makes you work day and night in his diner and gloats about how he pays you in acorns, he steals your car, his most frequent customers don’t tip you, and that's on top of working a second job, there's this crazy random lady who is always getting up in your face about everything and she throws eggs at your car, the town holds an emergency meeting because you stole some spare change and drew on a sidewalk with chalk, you’re in a new school in a new state and this 6’4 diseased human pine tree named Dean Forrester tries to pick fights with you in alleways and probably tries to nail you with dodgeballs in gym class. Your dad left you when you were born and your Mom was a teenage mother who was deeply neglectful at best and abusive at worst and barely cares that you exist. Starting fom a young age you experience a revolving door of Mom's Boyfriends and Husbands, one of whom apparently died (and TJ was probably one of the best ones of the bunch, god help us all) who may or may not have been abusive to you and/or your mother. Would you be able to focus on school after all of that? He didn’t even skip school purely because he hated going or to play hookie and get into trouble, he was skipping school to work a job. If this wasn't a (barely) PG show he could have turned to drugs or alcohol (or real crime) to cope. (Oh, and all the stress of his relationship with Rory PLUS dealing with Luke, Lorelai, and Dean getting involved in that shizz too. You're not even allowed to experience the slightest grain of joy, like kissing your girlfriend without your relative breaking down the door and hauling you in for a talk on sexual impropriety. (also, your uncle thinks you're a drug dealer and an underage prostitute) There's also a lot more we still don't know about his childhood, he could have moved frequently with Liz, he could have spent time in foster homes. His education could have been interrupted on a frequent basis. He likely had a number of teachers who let him fall through the cracks or didn't believe in him or thought he was nothing but trouble wouldn't amount to anything and he lost trust in the educational system. He doesn't seem to be able to make friends in Stars Hollow (despite his declarations that he's playing sports "with the guys", lol) .It's canon that Liz drank while she was pregnant with him, which could have affected him neurologically.

His turbulent childhood likely caused him to act out at school before he arrived in The Hollow. His school district could have just slapped an ADHD label on him for his behavior. With that, I can’t imagine Liz putting in any effort into reading his report cards, noticing his grades were plummeting, seeking a diagnosis for him, taking him to counseling, trying to obtain any resources to help him, going to any parent teacher conferences, or even opening mail the school sent home. If he ever was diagnosed with a condition ike ADHD he surely had very weak supports.

I just think there are just too many external factors muddying the waters and many things that were not explored enough. I see someone who is very troubled emotionally but I don’t see many specific signs of ADHD, if any. I am much more convinced he has some social anxiety and most certainly some underlying depression and other emotional issues which are too heavy for me to try and armchair-diagnose, and I hope he will have sought some therapy once he was able to. By how much he seems to have grown by season 6, I think he did go to therapy. This concludes my diagnosis of The Boy.

[outro-jo]

skz dating a non-binary person

pairing: skz members x nonbinary reader

type: scenarios

warnings: most of them are fluff but chan’s is kinda angsty and seungmin’s is lowkey crack, transphobia, queer joke in seungmin’s (don’t take it too seriously), mentions of being misgendered, gender affirming surgery and hrt are mentioned, reader in felix’s is excited about androgyny, closet joke

notes: it’s international non binary people’s day and i wanted to celebrate by posting something relating to it as i am nonbinary myself and don’t see a lot of fanfiction written about us. i want to be extremely clear: i talk about coming out, receiving medical care, and being excited about androgyny. i fully understand that not all of these apply to everyone’s experience as a nonbinary person, and some of them do not even apply to my own personal experience. these are works of fiction and i hope they are comforting to other nonbinary/gender queer individuals. i would also like to note that i kept this as neutral as possible so that no matter your assigned sex/gender at birth you can read this. if there’s anything i missed, please reach out to me! i want to remind you all that you are valid and loved no matter what. i hope that you enjoy even if you aren’t nonbinary or gender queer and just celebrate (what’s left of) this day with us! happy reading!

please read info before requesting!

masterlist | info

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seungmin- coming out

the elevator to the dorms was moving slow and while normally it would have annoyed you, you were kind of thankful for it today. you let out a deep sigh, rubbing your palms on your jeans. today was the day you were finally coming out to seungmin and your nerves were alight. the elevator finally dinged, signaling you were on the right floor and you soon stood at seungmin’s door, awaiting an answer. “oh! hey! c’mon in!” jeongin greeted you. “seungmin! your gf/bf is here!!!” he yelled out, making you cringe before running back to his own room. seungmin poked his head out of his bedroom, “hey! in here. felix is getting on my nerves today.” felix overheard and bickering ensued which under normal circumstances would at least get a chuckle out of you, but right now all you could do was sit on seungmin’s bed and stare at the floor. seungmin noticed and stopped mid sentence, “hey, you ok?” he asked as he shut the door behind him. it wasn’t until he sat next to you that you finally heard him. “what? sorry, i was zoning out.” you have him a weak smile. “are you ok? what’s on your mind?” his eyebrows furrowed in concern. panic filled your chest and before you could even think about anything you blurted out, “i’m non binary!” those furrowed brows quickly raised in surprise as seungmin stared back at you with wide eyes. “umm does this make me gay?” was all he asked. now it was your turn to be confused. “dude, i can’t answer that. that’s all you.” you threw your hands up in surrender. seungmin sat for a minute, face scrunched up in what looked to be deep thought. finally he said. “i don’t care. i just wanna date you.” relief washed over you and your shoulders visibly slumped as a wide smile spread across your face. “really? you’re ok?” “why wouldn’t i be? i can’t tell you who you are. i just get to love whoever that is.” he said with a shrug to his shoulders. you could cry. you never expected a reaction like this from him and you knew in that moment he was the one for you.

lee know- coming out to parents

minho knew from the beginning of the relationship. it’s something you’re up front with when it comes to new people in your life but never something you could tell your family. the thought alone terrified you. however, your therapist had been encouraging you to be authentically yourself and that meant coming out to your parents. minho was supportive but hesitant. he was extremely protective over you and the kind of mistreatment you could receive because of your gender identity but he was always for you being yourself completely. so when the two of you went to your parents house for dinner, minho had your hand in his the whole night. he had encouraged you on the front steps that you moved at your own pace and should tell them whenever you felt comfortable, even if that meant not coming out at all. your mother had actually been talking about a friend of hers who had a non binary child. she spoke relatively positively and it gave you a small sense of optimism. your father was his usual self, not making too many comments on the subject. the night progressed and you felt it was time. you gave minho’s hand a squeeze and in response he sat up straighter, preparing for anything. “mom… dad… there’s something i’d like to tell you.” you started. “uh-oh! we’re not hearing wedding bells yet, are we?” your mom teased. you laughed and shook your head as minho protested alongside you. “not yet.” you said, smiling at him. “it’s actually um…” both of your parents leaned forward in anticipation, their face starting to read worried. “i’m… i’m nonbinary.” your chest tightened and you started to fidget but minho tightened his grip on your hand to settle you. your parents sighed and looked at each other. “well, what are your pronouns, dear?” in that moment, your heart could have burst. the rest of the evening was spent with your parents actually listening to you and asking how they can better support you. you left that night with tears in your eyes. minho led you to the car and opened the door but stopped you. he wrapped his arms around you tightly and you melted into him. “i’m so proud of you.”

jeongin- being misgendered

from the moment you came out to jeongin, he was nothing but sweet and supportive. though you told him you were open to questions, he wanted to take it upon himself to learn all he could to be the best partner for you. everyday it seemed like jeongin was surprising you with new knowledge he’d learned. it came as no surprise to you that when the two of you were out with some friends and one of them misgendered you, jeongin was the first to speak up. your mouth had barely opened when jeongin started kindly correcting them and reminding them of your pronouns. your cheeks felt flushed and you were trying your best to conceal the smile on your face. no one had ever protected you like this before. when the two of you were heading home, in the back of the cab you took his hand. “thank you for earlier.” you gave him a sheepish look. jeongin smiled at you warmly before leaning in to kiss your lips softly. “you never have to thank me for that.”

hyunjin- celebrating non-binary day

the day was normal. you woke up and did everything like you usually did; getting ready, work, coming home. nothing overly special or ordinary about the day that was until your boyfriend came home. “baby!” hyunjin burst through the door as you were standing at the stove making dinner. “hi, love” you greeted him without turning to look at him but he rushed over to you, taking your shoulders in his hands. “why didn’t you tell me?!?” his eyes were wide, his hair all messy and windblown. “tell you what, baby?” you raised a confused eyebrow. “what do you mean ‘what’? it’s literally your day!” he turned off the stove and pulled you by your hand back to your bedroom. “get dressed i’m taking you out.” “hyune, why? what are we celebrating?” you finally stopped and stood in front of him with your hands on your hips. “it’s international non-binary people's day and i know that we have trans day of visibility and pride month, this is also a special day where i can celebrate you.” he smiled at you, his eyes turning into cute crescent moons. “awe hyune…” you tucked into his chest for a hug. “i love you.” “i love you, too, baby. now hurry up! the day’s almost over!” he rushed you into the closet (not again 😮‍💨) with a pat to your bum.

chan- receiving hate

chris was supportive of you as soon as he met you. he often told you how proud he was of you and how brave you were for just being yourself. it meant the world to have that kind of support from your partner which held you up during hard times when the rest of the world wasn’t so supportive. most of the time any sort of mistreatment or misgendering rolled right off your back. you know who you are and no bigot could ever get to you, but ever since people found out you and chris were dating… it’s been a lot. you have seen a lot of supportive comments and other trans/nonbinary people happy celebrating your relationship which was amazing to see but the negative comments were just getting to you. it was nearly 3am and you were just doom scrolling, crying over all the hate. you knew you needed to stop, especially with chris coming home soon, but you just couldn’t. as expected, the front door opened and shut but you still couldn’t look away. “hey, baby, i’m— no, hey! what’s wrong?” he rushed right over to you, pulling you into his arms. he looked down at your phone and knew. “you’ve gotta quit reading that shit.” chris said through gritted teeth, pressing a kiss to your temple. it’s easier said than done and he knew that all too well. he can think back to times when he was feeling his lowest, reading all the awful things people had to say about him. the fact that it was happening to you just simply because you were being your authentic self made his blood boil. all he wanted to do was tell those transphobes off or beat the shit out of them, anything to protect your light but he knew he couldn’t. the only thing he will ever be able to do is hold you, kiss you, and remind you of just how amazing you are. that’s what he’ll always do.

changbin- buying you something pride related

changbin is not the type of guy to do something half way. he’s loud and proud and when you came out to him as non binary, he wants to do everything he could to show you he was supportive. you were both home one day, cuddling on the couch and catching up on new episodes of a show when you were alerted that a package was at your door. “binnie, did you order anything?” you asked as you shuffled to the door and scooped the package from the steps. “shit, bin! it’s heavy!” he rushed over from the couch to grab it from you, “ooh it’s here!” he was all giddy for some reason. “baby, what is it?” you asked again as he sliced it open. the entire box was full of yellow, purple, white and black. you recognized the colors immediately and your heart melted. he giggled as he pulled out flags, blankets, cards, buttons, plushies, literally anything he could get his hands on that had the non-binary pride flag colors on it. “look! it’s a little bee!!” he showed you, bouncing excitedly. “binnie, this is so cute, but why did you get all this stuff.” you instantly regretted asking that question when the grin on his face turned into an adorably painful pout. “because i’m really proud of you and i love you. i’m really glad you came out to me.” he said in pout. a smile grew on your face. “i’m glad i came out to you too, binnie.” changbin returned to his excitement, grinning from ear to ear and bouncing again before leaning in to kiss you quickly.

jisung- gender affirming care

today was a very special day. you finally get to see your new body, the way you’d always wanted it to be. all those nagging voices in the back of your head could finally stop and you would start to feel like the person you were always meant to be. you were giddy when you woke up and your boyfriend was too. jisung was one of the most supportive people you’d ever met. when you came out to him, he had felix bake you a cake and then cried when he “outed” you to felix (who you had already told). and when you started hrt, he got excited at every milestone and change. even when you told him about the surgery you wanted, he was doing research and going to every appointment, asking questions about your safety and care. he helped you every step of the way and now he was holding your hand in the office over his bouncing knee, probably more anxious than you were. the doctor came in and greeted you before carefully removing the bandages and assessing the healing process. “the stitches look good? i’ve been keeping them clean!” jisung chimed in. “they look amazing! you did a great job!” the doctor confirmed and you sent jisung a wink. “ok, now let’s have you take a look.” the doctor rolled his chair back so you could stand and look in the floor length mirror. you took slow, small steps to the mirror, your heart beating out of your chest. as you came into view, tears began to form in your eyes. yes, there were red scars and yes it wasn’t perfect, but that was you. jisung came up behind you, carefully reaching out to hold your sides and tuck his chin into your shoulder. “are you happy, baby?” he asked softly. you nod, turning to look at him with the tears now falling down your cheeks and a wide smile on your face. “that’s me, jisungie.” you let out a light laugh. jisung kissed your cheek. “you’re beautiful, my love. i’m so proud of you.”

felix- gender euphoria

you were in line at the coffee shop waiting for your drinks. felix had grabbed a seat over by the windows and was already people watching as he waited. suddenly your name was called and you walked up to the counter. “here you are, sir—uh, ma’am…sir?” the poor teenage worker couldn’t decide on what to call you. you laughed, “thank you.” electricity coursed through your veins as you rushed over to the table with your drinks. “LIX!” you squealed in a hushed tone. his face immediately lit up upon seeing yours. “someone’s happy! did they actually get your order right this time?” he asked taking a sip of his drink before making a face. “ugh, it’s right. this is yours.” “no, ok, listen!” he leaned in eagerly, finally grabbing the right drink and taking a sip. “the barista couldn’t tell what gender i was! the poor kid kept just going back and forth trying to figure out if i was a ‘sir’ or ‘ma’am’!” your feet kicked under the table. “SLAY!” felix cheered. you cringed. “i think i regret teaching you that.” “excuse me, i learned it on tiktok before i even met you!” he feigned offense. “i think that’s somehow worse.” you laughed. “yeah, well, either way i’m happy for you, love. the gender euphoria must feel so good right about now.” “incredible!”

[emotionallychargedtowel]

The Eighth Sense e5 & e6: portraying trauma with nuance

Episodes 5 and 6 of The Eighth Sense have really blown up a discourse bomb in tumblr’s BL scene. I had been putting off watching these episodes because I had gathered that episode 6 ended with something pretty distressing, and stuff like that sometimes hits me pretty hard, especially when it’s left as a cliffhanger. But I was already tempted to rip off the band-aid and watch it anyway, and then everyone has been debating aspects of these episodes. So I just had to see what all the discussion was about and figure out my own take on it.

In case it’s not obvious, the following will have spoilers for the series up to and including episode 6. I have a lot to say about this, because it touches on subjects that have been a major focus for me in my personal life, in my previous work as a trainee therapist, and in my research and writing. But I want this to be a manageable read, so I’m going to put things in bullet form when I can to keep them brief and organized and I’m going to make some section headings to help with skimming or skipping around. But before I launch into the rest, there’s one thing I should get out of the way: I don’t think any part of episodes 5 or 6 are a hallucination, a dream, or otherwise did not occur. I do think that there are aspects of the way the show portrays certain things that indicate dissociation and/or an acute trauma response. I’ll talk more about that below. (Hey, @waitmyturtles, this is the epic TES post I’ve been writing off and on for two days! I hope it’s of interest.)

Here are the section headings I’ll use below, to give a sense of what I’m going to talk about:

Conceptualizing Jae Won: Or, what I think is happening with him

Jae Won’s therapist - comments and interpretations

Jae Won’s therapist - medication management

Human beings’ amazing capacity for self-blame

Interpreting show production choices psychologically

Are the creators of The Eighth Sense going to pull a “who shot JR?” move?

Conceptualizing Jae Won: Or, what I think is happening with him

We don’t know how his younger brother died, but we know that he died in front of Jae Won when they were together, and it’s clear that he blames himself. I would be shocked if he was actually at fault even a little bit. But it does appear to have happened “on his watch” in a sense that lends itself to blaming himself. This is a huge issue, one that I’ll discuss in more detail later on.

Even before his brother’s death, Jae Won was clearly under a ton of pressure from his parents. And his father appears to be emotionally and, almost certainly, physically abusive. This is also far more likely to have pre-dated his brother’s death than to have only developed afterward.

In addition to pressure and abuse, I think it’s pretty clear that Jae Won was a parentified child. This means that he was put in a position of having to take care of his parents’ emotional needs as a child. This kind of role reversal has profound effects throughout the parentified person’s life. 

Jae Won’s self-blame about his brother’s death means he was always going to be predisposed to stay stuck in the chronic version of the acute trauma response instead of moving through the natural healing process. In other words, he was almost certain to develop PTSD.

This is less clearly shown in the show, but my impression is that Jae Won has a deep-seated depressive tendency that existed before the loss of his brother. This would make sense for someone who faced the family-of-origin difficulties that he did. 

When he did develop PTSD, as I have no doubt he did, Jae Won’s existing challenges were going to make him even more likely to develop the depressive symptoms of PTSD than others. We’ve seen some of these in the show already:

feeling alienated from others, unable to form meaningful connections with them,

anhedonia (an inability to feel positive emotions), and

negative beliefs about himself, other people, and the world.

All of this is happening at once. He’s dealing with PTSD, but he also still has all the same habits and beliefs he had before due to the parentification and training in people-pleasing, so he’s supposed to bottle up all of this pain. And if it’s his fault (in his mind) that his brother died, how much more does he owe his parents than he ever did before? This is a distorted, unhealthy way of thinking about all of it, but these kinds of maladaptive thoughts and expectations happen all the time with trauma survivors.

Jae Won’s therapist really sums all of this up very well when she says, “All your worries, not doing what you want to do because you do not want to let your parents down, and trying hard to be a good person to everyone because you do not want to disappoint others. Don’t you think it might be all because of your younger brother? Your younger brother, who got into an accident while with you. Your younger brother, who you couldn’t protect. And you are struggling to live your life for him as well.” 

Jae Won’s therapist - comments and interpretations

I went into this series feeling nervous about its portrayal of therapy. I was very excited that therapy was being portrayed at all, mind you! It’s horrifying how seldom we see therapy mentioned as an option, much less shown, either in BLs or kdramas, and I’ve hoped for this to change for a long time now. But therapy  is shown in an inaccurate way so often in media. And often, we see therapists and other mental health professionals breaking ethical rules. So I was on my guard, big time.

There’s one thing I really take issue with about Jae Won’s therapist, and it’s somewhat of a small thing: her office is way, way too dark! I just don’t think that kind of low lighting, with a lot of the illumination coming from her aquarium and other tinted light sources, is professional or conducive to therapy work. Of course, it’s obvious that her office is lit in this way because it looks cool and sets a certain mood for the show. And that’s fine. It’s a very stylized show in a lot of ways. But it makes me a little tweaky to watch it. 

Some of the things she does in the therapy space with Jae Won are a bit open to interpretation, and could be debated. But I view her in a fairly charitable light, and I found that a favorable interpretation wasn’t difficult to justify at all. I ended up viewing her (so far, at least) as a very skillful and effective therapist.

I loved it when she joked, in the first scene after the credits for episode 1, “For God’s sake! Just tell me what your worries are!” Jae Won isn’t great at sharing. He’s been trained from early childhood not to show his messy, vulnerable emotions around authority figures. Jae Won is not an easy client by any stretch, so she may have been showing a mild version of some real frustration with him when she began that comment with mock-hostility. But he seems really sensitive to criticism, real or perceived. Coming at him directly about this could be risky. Using humor is a good way to get around this sensitivity pretty effectively. It’s worth noting, though, that I wouldn’t endorse this kind of move by a therapist unless they knew a client very well and had built a solid rapport with them.

The comment I quoted above (”Don’t you think it might be all because of your younger brother?”) connects so many of Jae Won’s interpersonal difficulties to the loss of his brother in a skillful way. It was very astute and well-put. But there are some things I would quibble with about it.

First, I’m kind of surprised that she is only saying this explicitly this far into therapy with Jae Won. It seems rather late to make such an observation considering this constellation of issues has, without a doubt, been in place the entire time they’ve been working together. This could definitely have been done sooner.

At the same time, paradoxically, it’s delivered abruptly, as if she blurted it out too soon. Actually, the abruptness comes from the fact that there’s not sufficient lead-up to the comment in their discussion beforehand.

Though the show’s treatment of mental health is strong overall, I think this part of this scene suffered from flawed writing. If I had written this scene, I would have made a change that I think would have resolved both of these issues. Instead of introducing this insight as if the therapist has just voiced it for the first time, I would have presented it as something she and Jae Won have touched on together more than once during their work together. Anyone who’s been to therapy knows that the same ideas, which appear as shocking revelations at first, often have to be returned to many times and worked through before we can benefit from them. She could have said something like, “This is that issue we’ve talked about before, right? It seems like another case of your beliefs about your brother’s death causing trouble in other areas of your life.”

Even better, she could have been shown quoting some kind of metaphor or shorthand Jae Won came up with himself when they’d spoken about this previously. For example, I had a client once who used to talk about metaphorically carrying around a giant, heavy book where he wrote down all of his failures. He described it in a similar way to “the catalog of mistakes” (I’m not going to share his actual wording, of course). Whenever I would use his wording, saying “the catalog of mistakes” or even “the catalog,” all of our prior discussion of that issue came into both our minds immediately. It also served as a reminder of our rapport and the importance I placed on his perspective.

Jae Won’s therapist - medication management

There’s one other area of Jae Won’s interactions with his therapist that is a bit hard to interpret. The exchange he has with his therapist about the amount of medication she’ll prescribe to him certainly seems important, but it’s hard to tell what exactly it means.

One thing that complicates this is the fact that he is receiving therapy and medication management services from the same provider. In other words, she seems to be a psychiatrist who provides therapy services. In most parts of the United States, this is rare (though that wasn’t always the case). I haven’t been able to tell whether this is more commonplace in South Korea.

Because she’s a prescriber and a therapist, asking for three weeks’ worth of medication instead of two also means waiting longer before having another therapy session. Maybe Jae Won really is just busy and trying to cut down on demands on his time, but this doesn’t seem too likely. It’s also possible that he’s seeking a greater quantity of his medication for some purpose, such as abusing it or using it for self-harm or to end his life. But he also could just be trying to put off his next therapy session to a later date because of his difficulty talking about vulnerable topics, something he demonstrates at multiple points in his therapy session. Similarly, when his therapist says she can extend his prescription to three weeks but not a month, because, as she puts it, “I need to do my job,” this could be in reference to the medication or her therapy work. Part of her job is keeping him from having access to too large an amount of medication at once, while another part is having therapy sessions with him (that are frequent enough to be useful). It’s hard to tell which of the two she was referring to, or whether it could be something else entirely. So I don’t think there’s one clearly correct interpretation here. But I do think we should be attentive to the possibility that he might be medication-seeking, possibly with the aim of using the medication for self-harm.

Human beings’ amazing capacity for self-blame

Even if you have experienced trauma or have been close to someone who has, unless you’ve spent time with a sizable sample of trauma survivors, it’s hard to understand just how readily people blame themselves for traumatic experiences. I had had personal experience with this as a survivor of intimate partner violence before I ever did any training in trauma therapy, but I was still totally floored when I observed firsthand just how often this happens and how unjustifiable every single instance of self-blame I encountered in clients turned out to be.

This is actually a big area for me as a researcher so I’m going to try not to go off on a massive tangent, but I think this is important. When we experience trauma, one of the most frequent responses people have is to blame themselves. I used to describe this to clients as a “deal with the devil.” Blaming ourselves allows us to feel like we have control over whether such things will happen to us (and/or those we care about) in the future. If we tell ourselves, “the trauma only happened to me because I did something bad, or something wrong,” then we can also tell ourselves, “but I’ll never do the bad or wrong thing again so from now on I’ll be safe.”

It’s very tempting to make this bargain, but it is an extremely bad deal. Self-blame is one of the biggest reasons some people get stuck in their acute trauma response instead of completing the healing process, resulting in PTSD. That feeling of control isn’t worth that. But human beings are so tempted to make this trade. When I was doing trauma therapy as a trainee, I saw example after example of folks who did seriously remarkable amounts of mental gymnastics in order to justify blaming themselves for their trauma.  I’m going to talk briefly now about a client I had many years ago, without giving any details that could be remotely identifying. This person had witnessed the death of a close friend when they were in combat together. I did prolonged exposure therapy with this person, meaning he had to tell me the story of his friend’s death again and again and again. When we do this type of work, it usually seems at first like the client is telling the exact same story again and again without any real change. But little changes crop up gradually and accumulate and after a while, you find the story has made big shifts. And occasionally, a big change happens.

This client started out telling his story in a way that looked for every possible reason his friend’s death could have been his fault. And wow, was he ever grasping at straws. It was almost as if he had said something as nonsensical as “I had oatmeal for breakfast that day and maybe that’s why my friend died.” Every miniscule decision he had made that day could, in his eyes, potentially have caused his friend’s death in some mysterious and imperceptible way. It would have been absurd had it not been so sad. But thankfully, as we continued the exposure work, his story gradually changed and these justifications for self-blame started to fall away a little at a time.

Then, one day, a crucial detail was added to the story that blew me away. After weeks of telling the story in the usual way, my client mentioned for the first time that just before his friend was hit, he had called out a warning to him, which the friend had ignored. He’d mentioned countless ways he might be to blame--none of them remotely justified--but had never told me about the one very clear way in which he had tried to prevent his friend’s death. When I pointed this out, my client was shocked that he had never mentioned that detail before. We spent a lot of time unpacking what all of this meant. It was the single biggest turning point in his therapy. So, yeah. People have an amazing capacity for figuring out even the slimmest of pretexts for self-blame, and it’s abundantly clear that Jae Won is exercising that capacity big time. I’m pretty certain we’ll find out that he has been blaming himself a lot for what happened while having no real justification for doing so.

(Side note: I have tons more thoughts about trauma, self-blame, victim-blaming more generally, and other related psychological constructs--these are all longstanding research interests of mine--but I’m going to stop here because this thing is already ridiculously long. But if anyone reading this ever wants to discuss any of this further, please feel free to hit me up! I love talking about these things.)

Interpreting show production choices psychologically

Let’s review where we find Jae Won toward the beginning of the show. I’ve talked about how Jae Won had a lot of psychological difficulties before the story started. His family of origin situation was damaging even before he lost his brother, and then he had to contend with trauma and complicated grief. After that, he went through a breakup (possibly due to his partner cheating on him), completed his military service, and then had to make the transition back to civilian life, which isn’t easy under the best of circumstances.

And then he meets Ji Hyun, and his feelings for him unsettle the precarious set of strategies that he’s been using to get by. Ji Hyun makes Jae Won feel tempted to let his guard down and be himself. He places a degree of trust in Jae Won that challenges his cynicism and makes him feel tempted to trust Ji Hyun in return--to trust him to an extent that would normally be out of the question for him. Ji Hyun shakes things up, and while this is mostly a very positive thing--there are a lot of things in Jae Won’s life that urgently need to change--it’s also rather destabilizing in the short term. 

Then the shit starts to hit the fan when Jae Won wakes up after staying out late drinking to hear his father pounding on his door. And the makers of the show start to play around with cinematography, editing, sound design, and other aspects of the show’s production to evoke Jae Won’s inner experience. After his dad pounds on his door, the way the show is shot and edited changes.

This disjointed editing and other distortions of typical filmmaking at this point in episode 5 have reminded some folks on here of a dissociative state, and I can see why. I would agree that it has a dissociative flavor. There are two prominent types of dissociation (which can happen simultaneously):

derealization, a feeling that the world around us isn’t real--it may feel empty, strange, or just plain wrong; and

depersonalization, in which we feel like we’re seeing ourselves from the outside, as if the person we’re observing isn’t us.

It’s tricky to talk about either of these in the context of tv/film because as viewers watching a fictional story unfold in a TV show, we are by definition:

perceiving that the world the characters inhabit doesn’t seem real, because it isn’t

looking at the characters from the outside, because they aren’t us (and they aren’t real)

But there are conventions of film and tv production that give us a sense of realism and of seeing things from characters’ points of view, and when Jae Won is dissociating we see those conventions get suspended or distorted. For example:

Conventional editing creates a flow of time that feels realistic (partly because we learn the “language” of film from a young age and interpret it that way). At important moments in The Eighth Sense, the editing breaks the rules of conventional editing, often messing with the viewers’ sense of time. Contexts change abruptly, as when Jae Won suddenly goes from being at home to being in his car. At other points, dialogue also goes out of sync.

Shot-reverse shot techniques help to approximate seeing things from the characters’ perspectives, situating us in the story so that we don’t feel like we’re observing from a distance. The most notable moment when this rule is broken happens when Jae Won is upset about his camera being damaged. We see him telling someone between sobs that the camera was a gift from his younger brother, but that person (assumably his dad) isn’t shown at all--not even a shoulder or the back of a head.

There’s also a lot of use of shallow depth of field (something the show uses in other ways as well), putting Jae Won in focus while his surroundings become a blur, making the world around him look hazy and unreal.

The sequence where Ji Hyun and Jae Won kiss in the ocean puts their dialogue way out of sync. On my first viewing, this just seemed like an interesting choice, one that gave the scene a sort of dreamlike quality. I’ve seen this strategy used before, as well, without any reference to mental illness, usually in art films. The first example that came to mind for me was from a Godard movie. It would be a valid option regardless of mental health-related content in a show. But after what immediately follows, I think that scene is portraying a trauma memory. Sometimes benign events that happened just before something traumatic become encoded with trauma memories rather than our usual type. (To put it briefly, trauma memories are encoded and stored in a different part of the brain from our everyday memories, and this is why they “behave” differently and have a different sensory quality from typical memories. Trauma recovery often involves some degree of re-encoding these memories in a more normal manner.)

Basically, the show sometimes puts the viewer into an approximation of a derealized and depersonalized state, particularly relative to what we’re used to as TV watchers. At other points, it shows characters’ experiences as if they were traumatic memories.

Are the creators of The Eighth Sense going to pull a “who shot JR?” move?

All this being said, I think that Jae Won’s dissociative moments, while very concerning and doubtless extremely distressing for him, do not point toward any sort of severe dissociative disorder like Dissociative Identity Disorder, nor do they make me concerned that his reality-testing (his ability to effectively distinguish what is and isn’t real) is impaired. I also don’t see any signs of cognitive impairment that would create a similar degree of confusion about reality. As a result, I don’t think the show’s use of signs of dissociation suggests that entire sections of the story will later be shown not to have happened.

Here’s the thing about dissociation. On paper, it sounds like an extreme symptom that approaches the kind of severe mental illness that includes symptoms like hallucinations and delusions. But the vast majority of the time, it’s very different from psychosis. And it’s also, in my opinion, more of a spectrum than we care to acknowledge most of the time. When we look at it that way, we can see that in a sense, Jae Won is at least a tiny bit dissociated a whole lot of the time. But frankly, so am I. It’s not uncommon for trauma survivors. It’s very different from something that would result in impaired reality-testing.

It’s possible that the show will end up revealing that Jae Won’s mental illness has resulted in him imagining entire segments of the show. These types of symptoms are often portrayed in media, for a couple of reasons: 1) people just find psychosis fascinating, and 2) these types of symptoms are very handy for creating plot twists and other interesting narrative devices. It’s not hard to think of examples of this. Fight Club, Black Swan, Shutter Island...the list goes on and on. But these portrayals are almost always inaccurate and exploitative. So far, the folks who make The Eighth Sense have shown a great deal of nuanced awareness of and sensitivity toward mental health matters, so I don’t think they would use this kind of cheap plot device. But they might. If so, I’ll find that pretty disappointing.

There is one thing the showrunners are doing that is somewhat sneaky in a way that could look analogous to that. Others have pointed out that Jae Won and his therapist are wearing the same clothes in every therapy scene, suggesting that we’re seeing the same therapy session interspersed with the other events of the series. In other words, the therapy session operates on a very different timeline from the rest of the story. We don’t know where to situate it relative to the rest of the plot. But I don’t see that as tied to the show’s portrayal of Jae Won’s mental health, nor does it seem exploitative or out of left field.

To sum up:

So far, The Eighth Sense has been remarkably accurate regarding psychological matters and has portrayed therapy and the use of psychotropic medication in a mostly positive and realistic light. I get the feeling the writers/directors/etc. have had some experience receiving mental health treatment. I really hope they maintain this level of quality throughout the remainder of the series.

I don’t think Jae Won’s PTSD (or his depression/anxiety) are sufficient for him to experience psychosis. I don’t expect entire segments of the show will be revealed to be an elaborate lie or hallucination, and if they are, I would consider that to be an example of poor writing and an unrealistic and potentially harmful representation of mental illness.

[satellite-evans]

Heartbreak anniversary

Pairing: Chris Evans x reader

Summary: Going trough a breakup hits harder when you realize only your heart gets broken.

Word count: 1.4k+

Warnings: angst. Chris is an asshole.

A/N:

English is not my first language, so I apologize if I made any (grammar) mistakes. Feedback, requests, talks, vents, recommendations or just simple questions are always welcome.

Happy reading xxx

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site.

Love. It's a very difficult word to understand, even harder to feel. Every person felt it at least once, but with different amounts. That's why people sometimes compare it with chemistry. If you ever feel too much or add too much of your love to something, it's going to turn out to be dangerous for you.

And that's exactly what happened with you and Chris. You loved him too much. That's at least what your friends told you. You're going to hear what your therapist has to say about it next week. But you weren't looking forward to it.

What was she going to say, anyway? That you had issues you had to work on, that it wasn't your fault, and that healing took time. Nothing you already didn't know. But it made your friends happy that you seek medical help, so whatever.

It hurt like all endings do, but this was different. it hurt that it ended for you, but it also hurt that it didn't hurt Chris because it never started with him in the first place.

"You should've at least seen this coming Y/N."

How could you? He acted, he talked, he listened, and he loved like he was your boyfriend. In the 29 years of your living, you never felt this alive when you were with him. He made you want to do more in life. He was your best boyfriend.

Until he decided he was not.

In true honesty, you never thought that a person who you loved so much, could turn into the person who you hated the most. But then, you can't hate the person you never loved, can you?

"There is a thin line between love and hate," someone told you once, " and people cross that line every time. And sometimes it's just one word that makes you cross it. Just one word can make someone you despite to the person you care about the most in life. But then, just one little word can also turn the love of your life into the person you would kill without a blink."

Well, in your case, it was two.

"I cheated."

It makes you want to pull your hair out of your head every time you think about it. How were you so blind? Did love make you this way? Were you undeniably in love with this man that you didn't see all the red flags?

No. You were not doing this again. You were not blaming yourself for someone else's fault and stupidity. Chris just painted all the red flags green with his skills.

Until your tears rained all over it and showed you the truth.

What hurt the most, is that he didn't care. He didn't care that you talked with him for hours on the phone when you had work early in the morning. He didn't care that you flew all the way to Massachusetts on a busy work week just to surprise him for his birthday. He didn't care that you were the one encouraging him before every event.

He. Simply. Didn't. Care.

And now you were left all alone with no one to talk to you for hours, no one to fly all the way from another city, and no one to encourage you.

"Why?"

It may look like just one question, but the meaning behind it was more.

Why did you cheat on me? Why did you make me feel I was yours? Why did you make me fall in love with you? Why me? Why do you like to hurt me this way?

It was enough. He didn't deserve more. Chris wasn't worthy of your anger, of your heart rate going faster, the tone of your voice getting higher, even the adrenaline rushing through your veins.

He didn't deserve your anger, just like he didn't deserve your love.

Alcohol.

That was his excuse. The reason he cheated on you. Of course, Chris would blame it on everything but himself. Why would he, right? He was a selfish prick who only cared about his own feelings.

"I-I swear that I-I didn't have the intention to cheat, Y/N. I had to m-many drinks and when I-I woke up, sh-she was just lying next to me."

At least he was saying the truth about one thing. He couldn't lie. Never could. Chris couldn't lie without stuttering, sweating, and becoming red like a tomato. He was suffering in front of your eyes and all you could do was to enjoy it.

But why didn't you? While he was in front of you, you felt sorry for him. Not only did you inherit your mom's eyes, she also passed down her empathy toward people to you.

Even though you wished she didn't. Especially at this moment you found yourself into.

In all honesty, you somewhat suspected him of cheating. But you never said it out loud or thought too much of it. Chris slowly changed, in front of your eyes. He went from a person who stayed in to watch movies with you, to a person who went partying and only came home around 3 am. You blamed it on his anxiety when you actually should've blamed it on Chris himself. Because it was all of his doing.

"Whatever. I'm done listening to your lies and pretending that everything is gonna be okay. The way you struggle right now to even lie to me is so insulting. But silly me, why am I telling you this? You were never considerate of my feelings, anyway. You never cared for me, Chris. Never. You knew that there were going to be girls there but you went anyway. Instead of spending time with me, you left and tried to find comfort in some random girl? Do you know how that makes me feel? Do you Chris?"

He just stared at you, absolutely saying nothing. But his eyes spoke a lot. Deep inside you knew, if you kept staring at them for too long you were going to believe his eyes, so you just looked down.

"Please, Y/N. I don't wanna lose you."

The need to slap him in the face got pushed down by your ego because you didn't want him to give the satisfaction of overreacting. You took a deep breath, and quietly reminded yourself to not believe the lies his eyes were telling you.

"And I don't want to wait around hoping that someday you realize I am what you want, Chris. I am sick of pretending that it doesn't hurt me that you just leave me here to go out with your friends like you're embarrassed by me. I am done. I just lost someone who didn't care about me. You just lost someone who would've done anything for you. All this time I was afraid of something, but I guess it was true."

His now teary eyes, looking straight at your dry ones.

"And what was that?"

"I was the actual one who fell in love. You just pretended."

After that, you took your phone and keys and slammed his front door the same way Chris slammed your heart and got into your car. Your first instinct was to drive away as far as possible and never look back. But for some reason, you couldn't. For some silly reason, you looked back to see that he would come after you, begging to stay, but he didn't. The street was empty and cold, just like him.

The moment your forehead touched the steering wheel, your eyes started crying every tear out. Just like a leaf on a cold night, your whole body started to shake and the only thing you could do was to cry even more. It was a blessing that you didn't cry in front of him: you didn't want him to see you vulnerable and broken, even so, that every fiber inside you fought to hold those tears back, and now those weren't strong enough to hold him back. In fact, you didn't want to be strong. All you did in life was act like everything was okay and that words didn't hurt you. That Chris didn't hurt you.

You were done.

After drying your face with some tissues you found in your car, you took a deep breath, started the car and started driving.

You had no exact destination in where you wanted to go, you just kept driving. But one thing was clear:

You were never going back. Even if your heart ached, too.