#starting my PHP on Friday

[rosicheeks]

😬

[creepinginyourheartbabecomeonnow]

‼️please help homeless filipino siblings afford a car for shelter and to make a living‼️

This is long, but i hope and pray you consider reading it all, please

hi, im Alex and im sure you've seen me on here the past few weeks, begging for my youngest brother's hospital fees

he's been released and we found our two other brothers on the street begging for food and in a bad condition

we recently lost both our parents so we're left orphans and homeless, we have no other family left

im the eldest and all three of my brothers are underage, i feel bad for not being abled enough to get a job to provide for them

i've been a grab (uber) driver before the bank had to repossess our own car so i had to stop and get different jobs but i dont last because im extremely anemic and i get so physically exhausted

i found a secondhand suv for sale posted on a post, i texted them about it

we met up this afternoon to talk and to check the car. it's old but in a good condition, it's also the cheapest i could find that would fit all four of us comfortably and would stand as a temporary home for us. i was told that the owner has been trying to sell this car for two years for his wife's dialysis with no luck. the car is on sale for 250k PHP or 4,281.12 USD

i really would like to afford this car as it would help us:

have shelter now, we're homeless and have nowhere to go

make a living, i can drive for grab again and also for delivery (this is a job i can actually do fine)

save up to pay for our hospital debts (our dad's when he died, our mom's ambulance fee and my youngest brother's remaining hospital debt)

pay for our mom's ashes (1,275$)

i wouldn't have to be away from my brothers, i cannot leave them alone on their own. they can be with me all the time

save up to pay for a proper place

save up to send my brothers to public school

save up for my brother's asthma medications

save up to get back my two sons that i gave up to the orphanage last year

help the car owner with his own financial problem with his wife's dialysis

this car can change our lives, unfortunately i have 0 anything to afford it. the owner said i only have to give 65,000 PHP or 1,112.99 USD to drive off with it and i can pay the rest of the amount in installments whenever I can. he's very kind and i hope to help him and his family as well

if only 55 people can spare us 20$ to friday Oct 28th, we can drive off with this car for a new start. we haven't properly grieved for both our parents and i hope with this we can finally do it in peace

a reblog to reach a bigger audience would help us a lot as well, i know this seems impossible to reach by friday but i am praying for a miracle to happen to us, just once. thank you and i hope you would consider helping us a bit

[never-not-ever]

Long update ahead~

I’m on roommate #6 which is sort of low considering I’ve been here 8 months today. This is going to be so random but once I start thinking of something (like rooms, roommates and how long for each) I get fixated and like to waste time on it.

I had a single room when I first got here and I think I had it for a week.

I moved into room #2 with roommate #1, I think we were roommates for 2 weeks before she discharged. Then I got roommate #2 and was with her for about a week before I moved into a single. I was in that single for 5 weeks. Then I moved into room #4 and had the best roommate ever for about 3 weeks before she discharged. So I was in room #4 for 11 weeks which is the longest I’ve had a stable room. When my old favorite roommate discharged I got a new roommate #4 and me and her were roommates for so long, about 11 weeks. Our room ended up getting mold and we had to move after 7 weeks together which brings me to room number #5. (Started to get confused, so I made a table below, it’s literally been an hour now fixated on this room/roommate shit). We were roommates for another 3 weeks in room #5 before I moved into a single for about 7 weeks. Then I moved to my current room #7 and had roommate #5 for 4 weeks and my current roommate #6 for about a week.

Room#/Length/Roommate

#1- 1 week, single room

#2- 3 weeks, C- 2 weeks, M- 1 week

#3- 5 weeks, single room

#4- 11 weeks, M- 3 weeks, A- 8 weeks

#5- 3 weeks, A- 3 more weeks

#6-7 weeks, single room

#7- 4 weeks, V- 4 weeks, G- 1 week

I guess it’s really # of times I’ve moved, since room #2 and #4 were actually the same room. But the second time around I was on the other side of the room. Wow was that a lot of useless information for nothing! Glad I got that out of my system. Time to see where I last left off on an update… like 3.5 weeks ago… hmmm…

Seems clear cut what to update on. So I posted last on a Monday. I actually remember these past 3 weeks clearly. That Monday was a crying, empty, “I ruined everything/hate myself” day. The next day I clarified with my team that the 6 month IOP and the PHP are definitely off the table and they said yes. I went and sat in my corner at the end of the farthest hall, started crying and getting upset again but it was quick, not an all day affair like the previous day.

In order to leave it’s always been the same criteria- I have to have outside providers set up and need to stop self harming. I mean the self harming isn’t a reason to keep me here, it’s more so the structure/providers to leave. But if the self harming gets severe like it usually does then that’s reason for them to pull back on discharge as well.

So that day I said fuck it, I’m leaving next Friday. I spent all day figuring out my crappy insurance, searching for psychiatrists and therapists and partials. I had all the rest of that week and the following week before my hopeful discharge that Friday to get everything together.

The only issue is vacations. That Friday (my personal discharge date) was my doctors last day before her 2 week vacation. She was fine with the covering doctor discharging me while she’s gone if he was comfortable with it. See I wanted to leave that Friday because I would have a week at home with my Nana before she went on vacation for a week. My Nana and my team were all worried about me being home alone while she was away.

That’s why I wanted to leave that Friday but that didn’t happen. I was so hellbent on making that my discharge date that I put blinders on and pushed away urges and the self harm stopped, I just wanted to leave. I thought maybe I could leave next week, maybe the covering doctor would discharge me. Then my social worker told me we were going to have a meeting the following Thursday with my Nana. And that’s when I realized I wasn’t leaving while my doctor was on vacation, that I would be here til the end of the month. Because my Nana would not be comfortable with me discharging the day before she went away for a week, leaving me home alone.

So during my doctors last week my mood started to drop and it honest to god had nothing to do with her leaving. I just started to feel so hopeless again. My doctor said she was worried if I didn’t leave on that Friday like I hoped, that I would unravel. I guess she was right.

This shift in things started almost 3 weeks ago but this past week things have gotten so much worse. I’m constantly on high alert and anxious. My mood is so low and I spend so much of the day thinking about self harm, which has started up again. Surprisingly I’m still on 15s and able to go outside on walks so not much has changed with privileges being cut back. We’ll see what my doctor thinks/does when she gets back.

I’m still looking for a therapist. Once I have that, we can set a discharge date and put in a referral for a partial. The only issue is the self harm. I have 4 days before my doctor gets back. I could miraculously turn everything around, go these 4 days without self harm and have an optimistic attitude on Tuesday when I meet with her. But if it was that easy I would have left a long time ago.

I’m constantly invalidating everything I feel and think. But for once I’m going to say and believe that I can’t change how low my mood has gotten. I can’t change that the SI has started to creep back in because of the hopelessness. I can’t change any of that. And because of that I’m worried about these next few days and her return. I know I can control my actions in regards to self harm but only up until a point.

That’s enough of a treatment update. I’ll try to post more frequent about non-treatmenty things.

[findingmypeace]

I’ve really been struggling with b/ping. And I hate every second of it. The time, money, and energy (feeling ill the next day) makes me miserable. My b/ping usually happens in the evening. It ends with me not getting into bed until 1-2am. I also have acid reflux and have been taking medication for years. But in the last month I have woken up choking on the food remaining in my stomach despite every effort to get it out. The choking is awful. It feels similar to when food accidentally “goes down the wrong pipe”. I can’t stop coughing. It usually keeps me up for at least 30 mins on top of going to bed around 1-2am. One night it happened 4 times. It’s scary on top of not allowing me to sleep. Thankfully I already had an appointment scheduled with my pcp on Friday so I will ask about it then. It’s awful. And when I’m not actually binging the thought of the food I’ve been binging on makes me nauseous.

So it’s all this misery but I can’t stop. Just recently I started working with a recovery coach and hopefully I will be starting Equip next week (Feb. 5th). I hate wasting my money and I hate not getting sleep. The choking is terrifying. I have to stop. I am going to start texting my recovery coach at least once a night in an effort to keep myself accountable. I’m also going to try different self-care activities when I’m home in the evenings now instead of the b/ping and dissociation.

I’m not sure where recovery will go from here. I feel like a mess. When I was still in iop I was told I might step up to PHP if things don’t change. But things have declined even more since discharge. I’m just worried Equip won’t let me stay. I’m really trying to turn things around.

[undercomfort]

I don't want IOP/PHP. My medications have to change/stop because of cardiac risk. I know in some ways that I'm very sick but I don't FEEL sick. I mean I feel like shit but I don't feel THAT sick. But of the 4 providers on my care team, two have started pushing for IOP/PHP. I'm sure providers number 3 and 4 will soon. Guess it depends on how my labs come back, too, but I know that labs are the last to go.

I guess if they come back looking poorly, I'll have to seriously consider accepting IOP/PHP.

But god, if they're all so worried about my heart, maybe stop fucking freaking me out by being so pushy about IOP/PHP and making like I'm in immediate danger. That makes me so anxious my heart pounds for days.

Friday my dietician threatened higher level of care, so I've been extra anxious since then. Then today my psychiatrist (goodbye Adderall for a while, and she's gonna transition me off clonidine as well 😕), and tomorrow I'll see my therapist and I'm SURE she'll say something along those lines, and then I'll get my labs back and my primary care, who is now looped in to this whole debacle, wants me to come in for some orthostatic shit or whatever (I do not have tiiiime) and I know he'll hop on the IOP/PHP train too.

So yeah, I'm anxious and shaking and my heart is pounding and I feel sick. Because I'm scared! And maybe because I'm sick? Not that I can't tell, because I know for sure I'm scared!

[labradorite-princess]

how did you apply for disability i need tips and do they come over to your house. How is the process

Hey! I hope I can help. I'm in the US. I'm not sure if it's different in other countries.

My biggest tips are:

Be prepared to wait. It took around 10 months for me to hear their descison. I called a few times to see what as going on. That may be a good idea for you to do too. When you call there may be a long wait too. Even when I call about my benefits now I get long waiting times. Last month I waited over an hour and a half. This may depend on what state you live in.

The application is HORRIBLE! They ask the same questions over and over again. At least the online application does. I know there's a way to apply over the phone but I've never done that. I cried while filling it out. It's exhausting. Take lots of breaks. I took like three days to fill out the whole thing with my moms help.

I've heard most ppl get denied the first time. You can appeal tho. Don't get discouraged. Ppl normally get lawyers when this happens. I'm sure they have reviews online for good ones. I believe if you get approved the lawyer will get a portion of the money you get for waiting to be approved. You only get money if you're approved tho. They give you a portion of your monthly income. From what I understand most lawyers will only want money if you win.

They did not come to my house. It may be different depending on what disablity(s) you have. I have mental health disabilities so I'm not exactly sure what they do for physical disablities. My mom's friend is also on disability and she has said nothing about them coming to her house. My mom applied and was denied but they never came to our house. And she applied bc of her back. The only thing I can think of is that for my insurance I can agree to have someone come and check in on my living situation. But that's 100% my choice. They don't force that to happen. And that is the insurance I have currently. Which I got when I was approved.

You may need to see doctors your state has approved. My mom had to do that. We went and they took X-Rays and I'm not sure what else. After they did that she talked to someone about her mental health. I had to come with for this part. They wanted her to bring another person to get their side of what is going on. I went in by myself. They asked about what house work she can/can't do. How often she leaves the house. Does she have specific depression symptoms (ex - staying in bed all day or sleeping all day). Stuff like that. I was REALLY nervous but the man was v nice and welcoming. I did not have to see doctors the state chose. I have over a decade of information recorded about my mental heath. I've been seeing mental health professionals since the age of 14. I also did long term programs right before I applied. I did PHP (Partial Hospitalization Program). That lasted over a month. I went Monday - Friday from 7am to 2pm. They taught skills ppl can use to help when their symptoms get bad and skills to help your mental health stay on track. I saw therapists and a psychiatrist and social workers everyday. We did group therapy everyday. I liked that. It took me a while to open up and start talking more but torwards the end I did. I was almost done with the program when I had my breakdown. I ended up going to a Pysch Ward for a week and then did a month in a Residental program. The Pysch Ward depend on where you go. The ones I've been to have been nice. Residential is v similiar to rehab but without the struggle of addiction. I spent a month there. I saw a regualr therapist and a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist every weekday. I saw a women once a week that specialized in eating disorders. Residential is actually the place I finally admitted I have them. They have specially trained staff who check on you throughout the day. I had Art and Recreational Therapy two to three times a week. I saw a Psychiatrist twice every week. What I'm trying to say is I had a lot documented about my mental health. I applied right after I went home from Residential so all the info was brand new. Sorry I got a little carried away with the info about me. If you or anyone else has any questions about Pysch Wards or Residential Programs please feel free to ask me.

They may need you to send in more or the same info in to them that was on the application. I believe you can pick how they contact you. I think the only options are by mail or email. You can drop the info off to their office, mail it in, some can be done online, or fax it in. I chose to have both options of contact. That way if I missed an email or a letter got lost in the mail then I had a second way of seeing the info they wanted to give me.

If you get approved please look into programs they offer to help. They really do help. My insurance offers a program (UCard) where they give you $189 a month for over the counter medical supplies and healthy food. You can still get Food Stamps/EBT but it won't be much. And if you stay up to date on you health appointments they add (a small) amout of money onto the card for you. I think like $10 if you get a physical exam or a flu shot. That's actually why I have someone coming to look at my living situation. Every little bit helps.

If you have any more questions don't be afraid to ask. I'm sure I missed at least one thing. I hope you have a good day/night.

[sad--tree]

okayyyyy last exam last exam last exam

s o o n

[murumokirby360]

Fixing my PC - Volume II Story (w/ my paper dolls) [April 26, 2022]

[1st to 2nd Image(s) ↑ (Snapshot date: Apr 26, 2022):]

Hello! FINALLY! My PC desktop has come to life for the second time! 🖥️🔧😃 And I'll explain the story of what happened 🙂📖. I'll try my best as I can, and I hope you understand... So, without further ado, let's get started:

• April 1st, 2022 (Friday): (It all starts) On the morning of the first day, 6:30 AM, after I cycle for 10 minutes as my morning exercise I go to my usual PC for surfing the web, etc. Then, I realize that my PC's CPU heatsink need some cleaning up from all the dust, so I decided to disassemble the entire hardware from the motherboard (including the aforementioned CPU heatsink), except the CPU chip (the intel i3 6th gen). After that, I assemble all of the internal hardware & hope my PC is working. When I plug the PC's electrical cord onto the socket, it won't work. I don't understand why is this happening? I tried everything & carefully as I can without touching or removing the CPU Chip from the CPU socket (which is the sensitive part). So now my PC is utterly useless, and I can't find an alternative PC to use. My big brother's laptop is always carried at work on weekdays, while my mom's laptop is for her selling business, and I'm unable to access my little bro's PC due to a password. Right now, I have no choice but to take a nap for 8 straight hours. And nope, this is not a joke (am I add); nor celebrating April Fools Day though. Anyways, I have to chat with my little brother about my PC's problem, and he'll be on his way after work. When my little brother arrive home at 8 PM, he inspects my PC & call one of his closes friend(s) who knows all about fixing the PC than I am (which is hurt/stole my thunder). He tried hard on every troubleshooting step-by-step on different methods before he gives up & calls it quits, the result that my PC was dead for the second time.

• April 4 (Monday) to April 7 (Thursday), 2022: With the April Fools is now in the rear mirror (until next year), and with no other help to fix my PC, I went over to the internet via my phone & I'm browsing a near computer repair shop w/ less travel cost until I found one. Although I would not say the real name of the computer store, it'll ruin the person's reputation (including the store itself). The only problem is the weather condition; it's rainy season for some obvious reason. Though it's weird, considering that the Philippines' April month is the scorching summer season. And with the cloudy raindrops, I can't go by myself without a vehicle. So my father calls his friend for a lift to the computer repair store, and we reach the destination in about 10 to 15 minutes. I request the computer repair person for a PC check-up to see the culprit of why my PC is not working, I handed it over to the repair person for inspection, while we sit & wait. After doing the repair person's further inspection, he/she said that the motherboard is not working. Huh, I could see the Php 1,800 of the motherboard was not durable. Good thing the internal hardware parts from the motherboard are intact, including the CPU chip... Or so I thought for the latter. After a long day & complicated decision that I won't deep in, my parents decided to pull out my PC from the computer repair store on April 7 (Thursday), due to... Umm... Untrustworthy (we think).

• April 9, 2022 (Saturday): After the departure of my PC, I browsed once again for another computer repair store that something trustworthy than the previous one, until I found it. Again I won't mention the name of the computer repair store, but trust me this one had a 5 stars worthy pay. At 3:30 PM, my dad & I are going to the computer repair store on a long travel destination albeit an easy route. After we've reached the "genuine" computer repair store we requested them for a PC check-up once more along with troubleshooting to see the problem. We've taken around half an hour before announcing the problem, saying that they were trying hard their best, so they suggest that we leave our PC to the technical support crew, and they'll update via private message.

• April 13, 2022 (Wednesday): The next week, I was doing household chores, helping my parents sell clothing business, and taking a break by playing games on my big brother's laptop. Regular family stuff, yet nothing special. At 3:22 PM, I decided to take a chat with the "genuine" computer repair store for an update, and upon inspection, they said that the motherboard & CPU unit is now the culprits of why is my PC not turning on. Damn, I hope they have a fresh 6th gen motherboard & CPU unit for less cost due to being discontinued. Unfortunately, they only have 6th gen motherboards on stock & not CPU 6th gen units. Such a shame. The only technical support suggest is to upgrade to 10th gen hardware, but how much? BTW: two DDR4 Rams (4GB), 400GB hard drive, and GTX 750 Ti graphics card, as well as the power supply, survived. *phew* What a relief. But anyway, how much is the cost for upgrading 10th gen hardware (motherboard [Gigabyte H410M H V3 Socket 1200 DDR4] & intel core i3 10th gen CPU unit [10105F Comet Lake])? ₱8,300 ($158). Ummm, yeah, that's a lot of dough, unfortunately, I don't have that dough, so my parents had no choice but to pay for it anyway for me. After all, I can't be bored without a PC. While adding it, I learn my lesson from the folks of the professional technical support crew that I shouldn't clean & disassemble for less or more than a month. Sure the dust won't destroy the computer, but let it leave when it's less. And when I want to wipe out the dust (when it's covered), they suggest that I'll use a portable vacuum cleaner with less noise without disassembling a single piece of hardware. Good advice, I should invest portable vacuum cleaner since I don't have one. Anyways, my parents will pay for the upgraded hardware for my PC via e-money send & they're now working on the progress.

• April 23, 2022 (Saturday): Now, fast forward to next week, and according to the owner of the "genuine" computer repair store it should be delivered this Saturday (Apr 23rd), but how long? Well, in the meantime I guess I'll do more chores & lending a hand to my parents with their business. Finally arrived at... 9:30 PM. With the rider carrying my fixed PC behind the motorcycle tail. The payment was already sent via E-money, so the rider's do is handed over the fixed PC to me, with two broken pieces of hardware inside of a single motherboard box. The delivery rider is out & back to the store, while I'm setting & cleaning up my desk, plugging all of my input & output devices, as well as electric sockets & finally turning on! And once it's on, my PC desktop is alive once again! One thing that I forgot though is my second hard disk drive, where all of my important files are inside (my artworks, pictures, snapshots, etc.), so I should it add that as well as part of the fixing. But, otherwise, it worked. Looks like I'll buy a 3.5-inch Hard Disk enclosure via the shopping site, but the delivery process could be impatient for me. I could go to another computer shop by myself, but the cost of the ride will be insufficient for my budget savings. But right now, my 2nd hard disk drive is nice & safe, hoping my precious files remain. As for the main hard disk drive, luckily, I don't need to reformat (either the new OS with Windows 11 or the previous Windows 10), because the new motherboard & CPU surprisingly recognize & worked well. Meaning my other files still remain.

3rd to 5th Image(s) ↑ [Snapshot date: Apr 24, 2022]:

• Here's what it looks like when the new motherboard & CPU unit are installed through my PC desktop, including a metal backplate & six USB ports (2x USB 3.0s & 4x USB 2.0s) which is much preferred than just four ports. Plus that Intel Core i3 (10th Gen) sticker looks cool.

6th to 8th Image(s) ↑ [Snapshot date: Apr 24 to 26, 2022]:

• Also, they offer free (empty) boxes after installing the new motherboard & CPU chip. And inside of the motherboard's cardboard box is the broken motherboard & broken CPU 6th gen intel Core i3. My paper dolls suggest that these will sell for scrap (including the old MSI motherboard from 2016). Yeah, great idea!

Overall:

• I would say, it was a heck of a story diary I type, and with some lessons from the technical support crew I will take notes & try to remember what should I do with my PC in care & responsibility.

• And as a result, I decided to get a job, namely work-at-home w/ a decent payout from hard work, and the income earnings will be my personal savings instead of borrowing my parents' (or my siblings') money savings. Not to mention I would spend it responsibility, meaning not just my hobbies or anything, but also important bills & debts that need to be. That's good advice.

Well, that's all for now. And I hope you like my story.

If you want to see my previous story from July 4, 2021, then I'll provide some links down below.↓

• Fixing my PC’s motherboard Part 1 [7/4/21]

• Fixing my PC’s motherboard Part 2 [7/4/21]

Tagged: @bryan360, @lordromulus90, @carmenramcat, @leapant, @alexander1301

[theworldoffostering]

Friday’s Used to be Fun, Right?

Today I woke up and worked for an hour before DH had to leave for work.

I dropped Baby off for school and then E off at school for her school services.

Came home and had a 30 minute call with a nurse that works for DD’s psych. She thinks DD needs to go back into a PHP. DD wants to go back into the PHP as well.

Spent 30 minutes calling PHPs only to be told they don’t have any room, some have waiting lists, and some want you to call daily to see if a spot is available. It feels like there could be a more efficient system in 2021.

Had a scheduled call with a very high maintenance student that has complained to my boss about me. Her parent also contacted my boss. Student never picked up my call.

Sent off an email to the Director of Special Ed about Ms. 6’s IEP. I basically said that they needed to provide some additional flexibility if they wanted her enrolled. If they didn’t, then whatever. I guess we are rolling through high school homeschool style. I really want her to go but am SO sick of the incredibly outdated system where we try to shove kids into a mold that they clearly don’t fit into.

That all happened before 9:50 when I had to pick E up from school.

Camr home and hopped into. WebEx meeting.

Took DS to his class. While he was at school for 50 minutes, I cruised through the grocery store and managed to do quite a haul. I left in time to pick him up.

Came home and unloaded groceries and put them away (the kids did most of this) and I shoveled our sidewalk because it snowed a small amount last night.

Put NB down for his nap.

DD made taco soup for dinner and I walked her through how to make pretzel dough. She rocked both of them.

I got the kids through their school work. It was a lot, but today each of them did super well at getting a lot done that they needed to do. Yesterday we did not fair as well.

DH arrived around around 3:30 and got kids together to hit the ski slopes. I helped DD navigate yet more medical leave paperwork for work. It is a lot and we’ve made numerous phone calls to the company that handles these claims for her work, as well as various doctors, the hospital, etc.

I had a work call with my boss regarding the student who didn’t show up for our scheduled call this morning. Sigh.

I baked NB’s bday cake. It’s a new recipe and I haven’t made a legit cake since July. I’m really hoping it turns out well and tastes great.

Baby came home from daycare and was having a total meltdown. I put him in a “relaxing bath” which included epsom salt, essential oils, and a candle. I also let him eat the cake batter from the spatula while he was in the bath because why not? It helped. We watched a little figure skating on NBC and he then fell right to sleep.

9pm now and I’m working. (Kids all just came home from skiing.) Hoping to get a jump start on grading the work that’s due today and tallying some final grades.

I’m beat. Can’t wait to fall asleep.

[never-not-ever]

I wish you would post more! I want to know how things are going with you. Are you still IP?

I want to post more too! I came on just to make an update of how I once ruined things again.. “you’ve sabotaged every discharge date”.

I’m about to play a game with a lady here. First distraction of the day. This morning has been nothing but crying and then brief moments of emptiness.

So to make a quick update.

I started getting passes to prepare for discharge. She said I could do as many as I felt I needed.

Two weeks into my passes I snuck my self harm stuff (I hate saying tool, it’s weird) back but I didn’t use it right away.

Last week I it happened. And I honestly don’t remember some of the days. It’s like a fog, especially Thursday.

Thursday I came clean about it. My doctor was gone for the day but there was a plan if I self harmed to pull the passes. So that happened. No passes this weekend that just passed.

My doctor was out Friday but I met with my social worker. Today was a meeting with both of them. My doctor was angry and “disappointed”. She said the PHP program here won’t take me cause of the self harm and even worse the 6 month intensive DBT partial also said no cause of the self harm. I tried asking my doctor if it was just right now or for good and she said not going to happen ever. Which is kind of confusing.

But I emailed the lady from that 6 month program to double check and I emailed my DMH case manager.

I’ll post a better update later. Don’t know if any of this makes sense. I feel so out of it and just really riding the shame train “I ruined everything” and “I hate myself”

[findingmypeace]

I just got a phone call and insurance is once again denying inpatient. Good thing I'm already on the wait list for the only place left that takes my insurance. Unfortunately now I will probably be waiting even longer for an admit date.

Honestly I don't even really care that much. I do feel a little bit defeated but I did kind of expect this. They are absolutely adamant that I am medically stable and since I've already been admitted to PHP that kind of proves their point. Plus, it's the last in network place that will admit me so that's even better for them. I think what upsets me the most right now is more just the change of plans. Preparing myself mentally for one thing and then having that change. That's definitely been one of the things that has bothered me with past denials. At least this other place has already been a possibility so it's not a huge shock to the system.

The treatment center that I will be going to know is the one I was talking about a few weeks ago and has an extensive PHP unit that is somewhat similar to residential. You do get to go home at the end of the day and I'm really happy about that. But I do live in a big county and from my apartment to the treatment center it's about an hour drive, one way.

And just as a side note, I should probably start telling my coworkers now that next Friday will be my last day until I come back from leave. I don't want to just outright disappear but I also don't really want to say anything because that makes it real. People will start asking questions (not necessarily about the ed) and the status quo will change. It won't be something that's just a possibility that I can back out of it. But they need to know. I refuse to abandon anyone.

[estravenai]

Okay, so big update. I am home from the Eating Disorder treatment center. I’m back at work and about to start my PHP tomorrow. I’ve been doing okay, though my mood is a little down.

They were supposed to set up Ketamine treatments here at home, but they didn’t. So I’m having to do it myself, which means I have to start the process over again at the beginning, which really sucks. But the ketamine was helping so much, so I am determined to get it done. I have an assessment on Friday.

So, the BIG news is that I have discovered something about myself. Here’s the story:

I was struggling because I realized that I just ate the same few meals every day at home and I am apparently really averse to a LOT of different foods. Not just don’t like them--AVERSE. They would make me feel physically ill. Mostly it was a texture issue.

Long story short, I met with the psychiatrist there (who was wonderful, by the way) and she brought up autism. The funny thing is that another patient who is on the spectrum also approached me the day before and asked if I was diagnosed with autism.

I honestly didn’t take either of them very seriously, but it got into my head anyway. We figured out a compromise on the food issue and I got to come home after a few more weeks.

Then I started researching. Just to see. I took some online tests, started reading, started watching videos, ordered some books, read blogs, listened to podcasts, etc... You know... How I always get when I become really interested in something--it became all I did really.

So... now I’m pretty convinced I’m actually on the spectrum. I have already contacted a place to set up an assessment to get properly diagnosed (not that I think you have to, but I do think it would help me to have some more accommodations in my life).

I also ordered some products and they have already changed my life. I got some noise cancelling headphones, some loops (those a actually god sends), some more fidget toys, and stuff like that. I really can’t tell you how much just those things have helped.

I won’t bore you with all of the details--though actually I probably will eventually, just not right now (I have a google doc started for my doctor). But the short version is that looking back at my childhood there were a lot of signs and looking at my life now, an autism diagnosis would explain A LOT.

So, that’s where I’m at now. If you have any advice for an adult seeking an assessment for ASD, let me know. I am happy to hear it all!

TL;DR: I’m home. I found out I’m probably autistic. Help. 

[awisemilkaddictstudies]

day 1 and 2 of summer challenge (august edition)

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day 1 - 4.8.2021 wednesday

i was really proud of myself for working today. i managed to sit for two hours straight and just work which normally doesn't happen.

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day 2 - 5.8.2021 thursday

i honestly didn't do much at all since i had to go out for a while. i decided to just work on the main function of my cs project. i'll work on the design later. it just seems like such a waste of time to only focus on the design. like i understand that UI and UX is very important but right now the design is not my priority. i really need to get this working first with all the php and sql stuff which is where i struggle the most. so, i started doing that and it's going fine.

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day 3 - 6.8.2021 friday

friday is one of my really lazy days. like i'm really lazy on a friday. i don't get anything done but i managed to scrape by today.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾ 🌊 thank you so much for reading this post and good luck with studying this month everyone! have a great day, stay safe and stay hydrated! 🌊

[ajoekerr]

two weeks

Last Monday, I put in my notice at Tumblr. It's been quite a wild ride the last four years but, alas, it is now my time to move on to a new challenge like many Tumblr engineers before me. Tumblr has been an absolutely amazing place to work and has challenged me in ways that I would have never expected.

I've never really... quit a job before (Tumblr is my first "real" job!) but, fortunately, I had this amazing article by @brianmichel to go off of! After reading it a few times, I think I found a good path to efficiently quit and leave behind a good amount of my knowledge.

the first week

The day I gave notice, I posted on one of our internal P2 blogs that I was leaving and I was looking for documentation requests. Over the years, the Tumblr Security Team has worked on an absolutely incredible amount of projects and, since I was the last member of the team left, I wanted to get all of the historical knowledge out of my head. I also started working on bringing the hackday project that @continuants and I worked on to life. I cut tickets, set some strict-ish deadlines, and got to work.

On Wednesday, I actually sat down and made a list of projects, processes, and services that I was the last one left who had knowledge of. This ended up being a list of ~45 things (woah!). For each of these things, where applicable, I pointed to up-to-date documentation/references and made tickets for the ~7 things that were missing documentation. I also started transferring over my "important" team documents over to the new manager of the Core PHP team at Tumblr.

In the same effort, I also found all of the alerts & email addresses & other things that were only monitored by me and made a giant checklist to kick off the discussion of “do we need this?” and, if so, who they should go to. This approach seemed to work pretty well as there was some instant discussion and some alerts that were pretty instantly transferred.

By Friday, I had a functional version of my final Tumblr project in production and had written documentation for (most) of the things that were undocumented! At that point, I was able to set myself up for a successful second week of finishing up my project and taking as many meetings as I possibly could!

the final week

At the start of my final week at Tumblr, I started redirecting as many requests as I could to do a good test run of what it would be like without me (plus, ya know, I was busy! 😅). I think doing this as soon as I possibly could was a really good idea because it poked holes in the runbooks that had been previously written and provided a chance to figure out who was the new point of contact. As Brian put in his post, it's "a dry run of what it's going to be like when [I] actually leave".

Then, I set up some appointment slots on my calendar for "coffee" (on a Google Meet) and that filled up my calendar pretty quickly! It was really nice to chat with folks one last time before I left. I also did a final round of 1:1s with my team to say goodbye and tie up any final loose ends before I left.

On top of that, I was able to wrap up my project nicely with completing some feature requests from the end users and write some documentation about it to boot. I'm super happy with the amount of work I was able to get done on this project and I'm leaving it in very capable hands! 🙌

---

I will literally never be able to put into words how much being able to work at Tumblr has meant to me and I will forever be grateful for the wonderful folks who have made my first job truly amazing.

💕 & fuck yeah forever.

[inthecatacombs]

i started a php for general mental heath on friday and idk i hope it does something. things can’t really get worse than they were before.

they put my eating disorder as a “deferred issue to work on with outpatient providers if necessary” which made me feel Extremely Invalid even though they reiterated that they do not treat eating disorders

idk idk

[citymaus]

“Keep Oakland Housed, a program launched by Mayor Libby Schaaf to help people on the brink of homelessness, prevented nearly 5,000 households from losing their homes with cash assistance and legal services, officials said.

At a news conference Friday, Schaaf touted the program’s success, which was initially expected to help 500 households per year since it started in 2018.

“In 2018 we had modest goals to try and keep a few hundred people per year from losing the housing they had,” Schaaf said. “Little did we dream what a phenomenal impact Keep Oakland Housed would have.”

The assistance comes as Oakland grapples with an increasing crisis on city streets. Oakland’s homeless population has increased by 47%, from 2,761 in 2017 to 4,071 in 2019. The number of unsheltered people grew by more than 68% to 3,210.

Keep Oakland Housed was boosted by $1.5 million in private donations and about $5 million in federal Cares Act funding. Donors include the San Francisco Foundation, Kaiser Permanente and Crankstart, a charity run by a Silicon Valley venture capitalist.

Since its launch, the program has doled out more than $2.5 million worth of legal services to prevent evictions and more than $9.4 million in emergency financial assistance for households, according to a report.

Tenants who need cash for housing can receive up to $7,000 in checks made out to landlords or third-party providers. Residents facing eviction lawsuits are eligible for legal representation.

Nearly two-thirds of the program’s participants were women and two-thirds were Black.

“In a video played during the news conference, Marquise Moore, a 31-year-old Oakland resident, talked about how he lost his job during the pandemic and had to resort to couchsurfing and sleeping in his vehicle.

Now he lives in a two-bedroom apartment with his daughter.

“I have piece of mind knowing that my daughter is OK and we have a place called home,” he said.”

read more: sfchronicle, 15.01.2021.  read the report of keep oakland housed’s first two years.