#stupid accordion tricks
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Ok, enough moping... time to show the forces of dismay that I mean business. This week's #StupidAccordionTrick is #Muse's 2009 anthem #Uprising.
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"Trick or treat!!"
The door opens to reveal a long-haired figure, with brown curls tumbling over their hawaiian-shirted shoulders. They play a couple of notes on their accordion, then hold out a bag that was dangling from one wrist. You can make out a smirk from underneath their false mustache. Their glasses glint in the light as a feminine voice repeats, "Trick or Treat! I thought I could dare to be stupid this year, haha!"
Paul's eyes light up when he recognizes Joker - and who she's dressed as.
"Ohhhh my gosh, that's - you're - that's perfect for ya! Strange Alan? Geez!" He can't help but laugh, covering his mouth as is his habit.
"Uhh ... is it okay if I get a pic? My big bro's a huge fan of his, he'll get a real kick out of it. I'll give you extra treats for the trouble, yeah?" He leans in and lowers his voice after glancing over his shoulder.
"Just, uh, don't tell the boss, yeah? He's told us to be kinda stingy with it ..."
#twisted wonderland oc#twst oc#daisy's ocs#friend's ocs#joker carder#paul pilchard#this is a perfect costume joker i love#she's the cutest strange alan yet
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Some general information about some of my fanfactions/Faction Frenzy OCs
(These are either Bowtie Bastards or Masqueraiders. I’m working on OCs for other factions too but those aren’t as complete. Masqueraiders belong to @reginaldcopperbottom but you probably already knew that)
Sasha Verman - Middle-aged. A very VERY no-nonsense girl. Part of the Metallics. Can probably suplex a boulder. Will physically hurt you for any threatening behavior and will not apologize. Very motherly, she protects the children of the BBs carefully and with a lot of violence. Trans Lesbian, originally from Libya. Bowtie is two spearheads with a pendant in the middle. She wears it around her left arm while wearing the Metallic Bowtie around her neck.
Bugsy - A 12-year-old child who loves collecting bugs. Part of the Masqueraiders. Can and will bite you. A bit of a "random XD" kid. Can become shy if they feel threatened. Sticks to Veronica Johanna a lot. Loves apples. Do not threaten his bugs or he will threaten your kneecaps. A surprisingly good performer despite struggling with processing emotions. Genderfluid questioning. Somewhere from East Asia, never told anyone where. Mask resembles a bug with pincers.
Squall - Older teenager, part of the BBs. OBSESSED with rain and thunderstorms. Wanted to become a meteorologist before getting thrown out of their house. Plays the Accordion like a pro, it's their only hobby besides studying the weather. Very quiet and a very good judge of character. Actually just kinda judgemental in general. Often shut off and kinda emotionless but sudden bursts of emotion can happen from time to time. Very loyal however. The scar came from them eating a glass wristband to prove their loyalty to a toxic ex. Nonbinary Pansexual. Latino from El Salvador. Bowtie is an Accordion, which can actually play some tunes.
Chypos Pomp - Middle-aged, part of the BBs. She's the leader of the crew that deals with the handling of dead Bowties. Part of the "Wild Hunt", an unofficial group inside the BBs that work the night shifts and often hang out. She often hangs out in the morgue cart to make sure the dead are handled respectfully. Very calm yet very mysterious, almost like a medium between the dead and the living. Kinda shows more respect to the dead and the living. Cares highly for the fellow members of the "Wild Hunt". The cart she rides in is called the "Nightmare Carriage". Bisexual Genderfae. Originally from the U.S, pretty white. Bowtie has a skull in the middle with the shape of the bowtie being normal. The fabric is dark blue like the night with a few spots of white.
Dromayn Protec - Older teenager, part of the BBs. Easily excitable and very open. Usually hangs around the older members of both the BBs and TM. Takes way too many notes about EVERYTHING. Loves sweets and chess. Doesn't react well to stress, often seen cowering behind older members when scared. Can, however, sometimes summon stupid bravery if someone he cares about is threatened. Has a strange habit of eating his notes to remember them better. Part of the "Wild Hunt". Best friend/Mentee/son figure to Rogregey Icsie, very protective of said man. Always calls him Mr.Icsie. Omnisexual, originally from America, mixed between African American and White. Bowtie resembles two open notebooks stuck together.
Rogrgey Icsie - 36ish, part of the Masqueraiders. One of the few to survive the Amore era. Looks way more serious than he actually is. Very observing and perspective, basically has an inbuilt danger warning. Loves playing chess and a fan of citrus-based food. Very caring and almost fatherly, especially to Dromayn, while also very polite and gentlemanly. Can however be a bit snarky. Is a bit too focused when trying to reach his goal and might overwork himself or get into danger by pursuing the goal too hard. Really good at logic puzzles. Almost died from a shot to the chest once. Technically considered a member of the "Wild Hunt" despite not being a Bowtie, was dragged into that by Dromayn. Best friend/Mentor/father figure to Dromayn, extremely protective over him. Aroace Trans man, comes from Russia. Mask looks like two bishop chess pieces.
Kimberly Pershing - Around the mid to late 60s in terms of age. Goes by the title Grandma Pershing. Is a Dove Bowtie and one of the oldest and most skilled still alive. Has a flat affect/monotone and struggles with expressing emotions or intensity. Always has a certain chill around her, pissing her off is extremely difficult. Often has a coin with her to do coin tricks, it's a way to keep her hands sharp and her hand-eye coordination on point. She smoked weed in the past, still does from time to time for stress relief. Has an apprentice/grandson figure in Robin Holland, she cares for him a lot but usually doesn't communicate it well. Is weirdly good at making herb-based/natural medicines in a pinch, very knowledgeable about plants healing abilities. Cis Lesbian from Bosnia Herzegovina. (Yugoslavia at the time) Bowtie resembles two green herb like leaves with a simple blue dot in the middle, although she doesn't wear it often since she's a Dove.
#fanfactions#faction frenzy#thsc#the henry stickmin collection#bowtie bastards#the masqueraiders#oc#cw weed#my writing#thats a lot of OCs huh
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sentences & phrases i found on tumblr | sentence starters
content warnings: none that i can find these prompts can be taken as direct dialogue, part of a description you’d use, or just as a prompt. feel free to change the pronouns and input names as you see fit. additional notes: found some phrases from images and such as well. lol. also some are a little n.sfw. watch out.
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the picrew of dorian grey.
you’ve got to stop using your little stupid hands for evil.
i dont even remember why i blocked half the people in my blocked list but i trust past me.
imagine how little candles must have cost in the 1700s. must’ve been pretty cheap, right? with everyone using them all the time instead of electricity? now think about how much they cost now. 20 some dollars for a candle. what if we could go back to when candles were cheap? wouldn’t you want that? what if we could make that happen.
op is gonna cut the power grid.
i couldn’t handle being a crab. i would register a formal complaint but crabs can’t write.
cranky because you’d be beheaded in the revolution aren’t you.
no i didn’t skip that song because i don’t like it, i skipped it because i don’t have the emotional stability to listen to it now.
finally, mambo number 6.
i can’t tell you people anything without getting owned.
italian mobsters using discord to have a meeting and they have a bot that plays accordion music on repeat.
literally who are you people.
all i’m saying is you have the tendencies of a capricorn.
my favorite part about using the computer is pressing all the keys and buttons. all that other stuff that happens on the screen is just icing on the cake.
i speak three languages: english, sarcasm, and olde high german.
want to be a slut but nobody deserves to fuck me god i hate it here.
god, other people suck. oh, me? hmm well now that you mention it i guess i do suck too, but, for more complicated reasons.
as some sort of sick and twisted revenge i send all of your selfies back to you with a dunce cap edited on.
no i don’t make sense so stop asking.
you are just mad because you are angry.
name one cow you’re friends with.
how can ants have farms? they’re too small to control the chickens and the pigs.
i’m not a misandrist, i have man friends and sometimes i even read books by men, i’m very open minded.
you’re so delicious as a concept, but as a real person i worry for you.
glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children.
ahhh “lying”… one of the oldest tricks in the book. aside from “bashing someone over the head with a rock���.
addicted to teaching children the game “scream every time you see an airplane” when their parents arent nearby.
dear lord, please don’t make me have to parallel park.
god gives his hardest battles to his sexiest soldiers i guess.
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THE MISC CHALLENGE || More about Matt
Favorites
Color
Green. It’s both calming and full of life.
Band / Musician
Fall Out Boy, Frank Sinatra, Breaking Benjamin, My Chemical Romance, Dustin Kensrue. C’mon, I can’t fucking choose. Top 5 is the best I can do.
Movie / Show
Moulin Rouge (I’ll never ever get over El Tango de Roxanne). I’ll probably watch reruns of I Think You Should Leave and Monty Python’s Flying Circus until the day I die.
Book
Mario Puzo’s The Godfather. I’ve read it more times than I’ve watched the movies.
Animal
Crows! I don’t get why they get such a bad rap.
Place (Daily life and/or vacation spot)
A particular spot near a particular bench in the middle of Central Park, New York... wonderful New York. I’m glad I passed up on sleeping there for the night.
“They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops, and that's true.”
What is/are his...
Theme song(s)?
Golden & West Coast Smoker by Fall Out Boy. I don’t know, they really help me put the past and present into perspective. I’ve found no tune matches the present... maybe Never Again (Aurora version) by Breaking Benjamin.
Pet peeves?
Screeching chalk on the board. FUUUUUCK. That.
Fictional character(s) they relate to the most?
Edward Bloom from Big Fish. He was a dreamer living the life he wanted.
“Fate has a cruel way to play with us, there is a time when a man must fight. And a moment when you must accept that he lost his destiny, which sailed the boat and that only a fool would ... Actually I've always been a fool.“
Most prized possession(s)?
This necklace Shay gave me on my 23rd birthday, I’m always wearing it under my shirt. Also, my first journal. It’s full of lyrics that I’ve been writing since I was around seven. Sometimes it’s the only thing that keeps me from going into a rut.
Childhood dream job?
Rockstar... slowly but surely building up to that, buddy!
Catchphrase(s)?
Wicked!
Does he...
Have a quote/motto they live by? Which one(s)?
Yes. “The universe is under no obligation to make sense to you.”
Have any musical talents? Which one(s)?
Singing. I know my way around a piano, guitar, ukulele, bass, drums, violin, cello, didgeridoo, trumpet, sax, and accordion.
Practice any sport? Which one(s)?
Once upon a very long long time I played Lacrosse. Not very good– at all, really, but it was a blast!
Have a party trick? Which one(s)?
I don’t know if it counts as a “party” trick, but I can light a match with one hand.
Have any phobias? Which one(s)?
1. Claustrophobia - Fear of confined spaces. This fear breaks down in two parts. First one, the time he was bullied in middle school and two of his classmates decided it would be funny to lock him in the janitor’s closet after the school had closed. He was found the next morning. The second one, whenever he had one of his hyperactive episodes and his parents couldn’t deal with him for either reason, they locked him up in his room until it was over. Matt always needs to have either a window or a door open wherever he is.
2. Coimetrophobia - Fear of cemeteries. A stupid dare he had made his freshman year of high school, he had to spend the night over at a cemetery. Matt swore he saw things and, if they were nightmares, those were the worst he had ever had in his life. He also can’t stand them at day, they make him too sad.
3. Coulrophobia - Fear of clowns. It was his seventh birthday party and it was the first time a clown was brought in. The weird face, the awful laugh, the bad jokes, and the constant popping of the balloons; drove him to hide under a table and not come out until the clown was gone. It really didn’t help that the clown found that funny, and was the one that tried to grab Matt from under the table. Out of all the scary movies there are, he cannot watch IT.
Have any pets? Which one(s)?
Nope.
Is he...
Allergic to something? To what?
Peppermints. Which sucks, cause they smell so damn good.
Superstitious? If so, what do they believe brings them good/bad luck?
I am not superstitious, but I'm a little 'stitious... I always eat a green apple before performing a big show.
An early bird or night owl?
Night owl high on caffeine.
A dog or cat person?
DOGS! Got nothing against cats, though.
Optimistic or pessimistic?
As long as the glass has some water in it, there’s hope.
Indoorsy or outdoorsy?
Listen, I love a good walk in nature now and then, but nothing will ever beat home and its many comforts.
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The Devil Wears Kevlar - 12

This link leads to my tdwk tag but I swear I’ll have a masterlist soon!
oh my fucking GOD guys i can’t believe that we made it this far??? just collectively? As a group? It’s been kinda incredible and I hope what I have satisfies you guys somewhat. it was super hard to conclude this segment so i hope you like it. anyway this chapter is SUPER long so get comfy. I love you. Enjoy!
Also I used this map of Gotham as a reference if that helps anyone
Aspen tries not to look like she was watching the other people in the subway. She’s trying to figure out how to arrange her face best to avoid attention. Did this kind of thing happen enough for her to look bored? Should she let herself be nervous? There were no inmates reported missing before she went underground. That was good, at least. For the inmates, she means. They were probably in more danger than she was - more danger that she would be in, soon.
Aspen tries to walk through her plan again. There’s not much of it. Getting to the island is going to be the hard part. She knew that on the Aparo Park side of Arkham Island, some sections were shallow enough to wade or swim across if she was careful and didn’t mind getting damp, and if she got on the island she was sure she’d be able to find the actual asylum. That was if she could actually get there, of course. Lately, the Gotham City Police had been taking a “better safe than story” approach, so they might cut off subway service at any moment. Aspen was hoping they didn’t cut off public transport until they were /sure/ it was an emergency. Last she heard, the asylum was being evacuated, but the subway lines just went under the island, maybe it wouldn’t be enough of an emergency. Ivey was still probably contained to the asylum, right? So they might run transport a little longer. Just a little longer. Before they realized they didn’t know how to fight her.
She reaches into a pocket of her backpack and digs around for hand cream. She wants an excuse to fidget. She’s so close. She’s so close.
Aw, fuck. She forgot her earbuds.
They hit University station no problem, then St. Albert. Aspen keeps her eyes trained on the gritty floor in front of her, shoulders hunched. She wants to look tired, like she’s just trying to get home after a long day. If she keeps still and quiet, maybe she can trick the world around her into thinking that she doesn’t care, she doesn’t need this. Maybe if she doesn’t think too hard about it, the universe will let her get to the island. That’s all she needs. She can take care of herself after that, she just needs to get there.
They hit River Park. It’s the last station before Aparo Park, the subway goes right under the island. Aspen grips her hands tighter as people leave the car. It’s quiet now. She tries not to think too hard. Is the train stalling at the station? The doors are still open. Fuck. She bites at her lower lip. She knows it’s going to be raw by the end of the night, no matter what ends up happening.
If service had stopped, they would have told her, right? The conductor would have made an announcement? Aspen holds her breath until the doors of the train car close and she can sigh in relief.
Home free.
She leans back in her seat as the train starts moving again. They can’t stop her now. Maybe that’s a bad thing. Maybe she shouldn’t be trying to get to this stupid island.
Aspen had taken this trip a few times, meeting up with people in the north part of Gotham. Brunch in the Hill, that sort of thing. The trip under the asylum feels longer now, though, and Aspen tries not to think about the weight of the water overtop of her. She takes deep breaths and keeps an eye on the ad in front of her. Focusing on it helps her nerves a little. It’s about not littering cigarette butts. That’s good of the city to point out. So many people smoke around here.
It’s probably the stress.
Wait. The train is slowing down. Aspen sits up, looking around anxiously as the train comes to a stop. All she can see is black tunnel walls outside. Fuck.
Maybe it’s just a delay. They can’t leave a train car full of civilians in a tunnel under an asylum undergoing incredible structural damage from plant roots, or whatever. They have to take her to the other side, right? Even if it takes a minute or two.
Breathe, she reminds herself. Don’t panic. Not before you get to the fight. Once Ivey’s trying to strangle you with a vine, then you can panic.
“Uh, attention, passengers.” Aspen crosses her fingers in her lap. “We are currently experiencing service interruptions on the Waterfront line due to an emergency on Arkham Island. We’re going to be returning to the Island Centre of Gotham City as soon as the tunnel behind us clears. Thanks for your patience.”
Fuck. Aspen feels her skin go cold. That’s it. They stopped her. Her night is over unless she can find a way out of this car. Again, something takes over her. She’s come too far with a textbook and a cookie sheet as armour in her fucking backpack to turn back now.
...Maybe she could take her chances in the subway tunnel. Aspen knows time is running out, but she makes herself sit still and think it through, heart pounding. It was unlikely that any trains were going to be coming through, now. And this was Gotham. Tunnels crisscrossed the entire archipelago, and there might even be a shortcut through the tunnels. Worst comes to worst, she emerged at Aparo and found her way across the river from there.
She springs up from her seat, getting looks from the other passengers in the car. “My kid sister is home alone uptown.” She lies to no one, looking around desperately for an emergency exit. Nothing in this car. When she rattles the doors, they won’t open. She probably looks crazy. She doesn’t fucking care.
Maybe there’s something in the next compartment. She doesn’t waste time before she wheels around towards the door connecting the cars and slips through. It’s darker in there, when it rattles shut behind her. She takes a deep breath in the brief privacy it allows her. This line has older trains, and the passages between cars are little vinyl accordions, with a metal walkway connecting them. They’re welcome, right now.
Now that she’s had a moment to think, Aspen’s willing to bet that if she takes the emergency exit, some alarm will go off, and maybe the conductors or GCPD will get involved. She can’t afford that. If she gets arrested Calum could downright fire her. Maybe he’d helpfully get one of his friends across the country to offer her a job. Maybe he wouldn’t. It’s just a big risk to take. The train’s gonna start moving any minute. Aspen needs a quieter way off this train, now. Her hand wrapped around the little knife in her pocket as she pressed her hand in, trying to think.
Wait. She felt the cold, smooth edges of the knife, letting her fingers trace over it slowly as she thought. That was one way out.
Adrenaline surges through her and she unfolds the pocket knife, gripping it tightly before stabbing out into the dimness around her. It bounces off the fabric, but Aspen can see a line of white threads where the knife tore it, just a little. Fuck, she really shouldn’t be doing this. Again, she stabs down, and this time she feels cool air from the tunnel when the fabric audibly rips. She presses the knife into the slash she made, dragging the knife down, kneeling to get it low enough make a hole big enough for her to squeeze through. The train lurches, there’s no time to think - she takes off her backpack and pushes it through, and then wiggles herself through. She drops gracelessly to the tunnel floor, feeling gravel stick into the palms of her hands as she presses herself up. She flattens herself to the wall of the tunnel and closes her eyes as the train rushes by, gathering speed - it’s a foot away from her at best, and it is so, so loud. Lights flash against her eyelids.
And then it’s gone.
Aspen can hear the train rattling away down the tunnel, and she opens her eyes. She blinks to try and adjust her vision, but the tunnel is pitch. She fumbles for her phone, flips on the flashlight. Out of curiosity, she checks her reception. No bars. Shocker. Still, if Calum’s tracking her, he’s gonna be scratching his head now.
It’s a fun thought, but she’s sure he’s busy. If something happens down here, she’s on her own.
Well. She’d better get moving, then.
The tunnel is cold, but the air is dry and musty, not wet with mold. Aspen doesn’t know if it’s her imagination or if there’s actually something scurrying around the darkness with her, but she tries not to panic. Rats are one step away from the lab mice she handles all the time, now, she can handle them. Even if they are the size of cats, like she’s heard. Oh, fuck. She really didn’t need to be thinking about that.
She should worry about how she was going to get out of here. She keeps a hand on the wall as she walked, so she didn’t get turned around in the darkness, even with the stark beam of the flashlight in front of her. These tunnels could quickly become catacombs. In fact, with Gotham’s history of crime, there were probably a few bodies rattling around here. Fuck. She really had to focus, Jesus. She couldn’t scare herself down here, where the air seemed to reach down her throat and pull moisture from her lungs. Fuck.
Aspen stopped and rubbed her head. She couldn’t personify the fucking darkness around her. That was how she scared herself stupid. That was how she got hurt.
Aspen keeps walking. She was careful to keep the flashlight beam trained ahead of her, avoiding stray rocks and the tracks. She wasn’t sure which rail was electrified, and she didn’t want to find out. It was quiet, thankfully. She starts humming, some pop hit she heard on the radio.
Her feet crunched along the ground more or less to the beat, and she kept on like that, for a while. She checked her phone for the time. It didn’t matter, she didn’t know where she was.
“’Cause you’ve been acting so conspicuous,” Aspen sings, enjoying the reverb as it dulls her fear a little. “You flip it on me, say I think too much, you’re moving different when we’re making... Fuck. ”
The tunnel split before her. Tracks curved to her right. On her left, the tunnel was strewn with even more debris. It could lead to the island surface, or it could be a dead end. Aspen knew, at least, where the tunnel on the right was heading. Aparo Park station wasn’t far from the river, and once she actually got to the island’s surface she was sure that she could find the massive asylum surrounded by cops easily enough.
She stands there for a second, staring at the tunnels. The tunnels stare back.
Fuck. She pictures the Gotham area in her head. The subway tunnels run to the left of the asylum, right? So she should go left. Wait, fuck, she had no idea where she was.
Aspen took another deep breath and tried to think. Was there another way she could figure out how close she was to the surface?
Ugh. She feels like a dumbass, but she sticks a finger in her mouth real quick to wet it and then holds it out, upright, to feel for a draft. She closes her eyes, even though it’s already dark as hell, and tries to focus.
Left. The left side is colder. Is she sure?
Well, what the hell, if it’s a dead end she’ll find out soon enough.
Aspen opens her eyes and starts down the left side. It quickly becomes much more challenging - there’s more rocks to avoid, and she tries not to think about what happens if she sprains her ankle down here. No room for error. No trips, no mistakes. If she makes it out of this Calum is going to have to acknowledge her. She’s doing good fucking work. She better get a fuckin’, fuckin’ Purple Heart.
But she made the right choice. Soon she can feel a draft on her face, and she can smell water. Maybe she’s on the wrong side of the river, but she doesn’t have to navigate the tunnel out of Aparo, at least. Encouraged, she moves even faster, jogging gently despite the weight of her bag.
It feels good. Somehow she didn’t think she’d get this far.
The wind picks up. Aspen rounds a corner to see her way out - the tunnel opens up into a concrete structure, long and low. It’s dark; there aren’t really any windows. The only way out she can see is right ahead, two big doors with a grate up top. She can see Gotham’s light pollution through the bars. She picks up a rock. She has a feeling that door’s not going to open easy.
She’s right. The door flexes when she shakes it, but there seems to be something on the outside keeping it closed. Fear grips her again. The door isn’t too thick; it feels like aluminum when she steps back. Aspen takes another look; there are rusty hinges on the inside, facing her. A plan takes shape in her mind almost instantly, and she kneels down and puts her phone carefully out of the way before smashing the rock down on the hinge closest to the floor. The sound of angry metals reverberates around the concrete structure, making her wince, but she hits it again, and then again before the metal starts to bend and shear away from the doorframe. Yes.
Aspen feels like a fucking caveman, and she’s sure that half the island can hear her, but she prays there’s enough chaos to cover the noise. With a little hard work, she manages to get the hinge off in twisted pile on the ground.
Okay. That’s step one.
Aspen grabs her phone to get it out of the way, stands up, and kicks at the newly freed corner of the door experimentally. It dents. Okay. Grabbing on to the wall for support, she kicks out again and again, wishing she had worn boots instead of sneakers. No matter. The door slowly crumples like paper, creating a space big enough for her to wiggle through, probably. Thank God for aluminum.
Aspen shakes off the backpack, clambers down on to her belly, and shoves it through the hole. The edges of the metal catch, and she has to push hard to get the bag through. This might hurt, she thinks, and then she drops her head and starts to squirm after her backpack. Metal scratches down her back, digging into her ass and her thighs, but once she stands she checks and her pants aren’t ripped. Not that it would matter. It’s such a casual worry for this night. It barely stings.
Fuck. She did it. She’s here! And she doesn’t have a fancy car or help from the cops or anything. Calum can eat her entire ass, oh my god.
A thought crosses her mind: if he’s not here she’s going to lose her shit.
Aspen makes herself regroup, turning off her flashlight, closing her eyes and breathing slow. She can hear sirens. So that’s where she’s heading next. Slowly, she opens her eyes, but she can’t see any lights to indicate the Asylum. No matter. She’ll find them.
She should get an update on the situation. She opens her phone, trying not to think about how it will fuck with her night vision to check this shit. She googles “updates gotham asylum” and skims the first page of results. The asylum is being searched for any remaining inmates where possible, where the plant growth isn’t too dangerous. The bulk of them are being temporarily removed to Blackgate. She’ll keep an eye out for any patients but as long as it’s not one of the serial killers she thinks she’ll be able to hold her own.
Maybe she’ll keep her rock, just in case.
The landscape of the island is mostly scrubby. There’s a utility road, or what’s left of one, leading out of the little valley with the abandoned tunnel. Maybe, back when the Gotham subway was being built, the asylum was going to be a stop. It makes Aspen feel a little weird, thinking about what could have been here other the facility and a sewage processing plant. Maybe if people lived here, if there was ice cream shops and shoe stores and a grocer’s, the people behind the walls wouldn’t feel so angry and alone.
She has to turn off the road to follow the sirens. The bushes smack into her arms, and she has to train her eyes carefully on the ground to keep from tripping. They’re moving, she realizes, not the branches but the cars, and she starts to run, looking for the road. The sirens are intermittent, like birds calling and responding.
The road appears quickly, and now she can see flashing lights bouncing off the trees and everything else. The cop cars are in motion; they seem to be escorting a bus full of prisoners somewhere, and she’s willing to bet where they’re leaving is where she wants to be.
It’s easy, from there. Aspen has been exiled for this, kept from everything she wanted, crawled through vinyl and dirt and rust for this. Finding the actual asylum is simple.
Arkham Asylum has big gates, really big Gothic ones. As Aspen gets closer, she realizes they’re closed. Well, maybe they’ll just let her in. She can’t be an inmate, they’d have to, obviously she’s on the wrong side of the fence.
If she hadn’t slowed down to take the asylum in, she wouldn’t have heard him. She has just come down to a walk when she heard the ground behind her crunch. Someone was there. She didn’t have time to think before she wheeled around, rock raised, ready to smash their fucking head in.
The Batman knocked her hand aside, sending the rock flying harmlessly out of her grip. Aspen grabbed her wrist stupidly as he looms over her. He looks so much bigger in that suit, devoid of all the tiny softnesses that made him recognizable as Calum. No wonder it took her so long to realize back at that construction site.
They’re both frozen for a while. All that time in the tunnel, and she still had no idea what to say to him.
“What do you think you’re doing.” He says, taking a step towards her. It’s not a question. Fuck, she’s in trouble
Aspen retreats, taking another step towards the gates. Her mind feels slow with nerves. “You wouldn’t let me see you in your office.”
It’s dark out, but she gets the feeling he rolls his eyes. “Didn’t I tell you I was trying to keep you safe? How did you even - it doesn’t matter. You’re leaving. Now.” Calum reaches out fast and grabs her bicep before she can move away. She feels like a kitten, and he’s got her by the scruff of her proverbial neck. He almost lifts her off her feet.
“No! Let me go.” Aspen kicks out for his shins, connects with armour. It hurts her more than it hurts him. He’s not listening.
“Don’t struggle.”
“I know how you can beat her! Calum, I -”
“That’s not my name. You don’t know what you’re saying.” Calum says, dragging her along. Aspen doesn’t know where he’s intending to put her, but she does know it’s not fucking happening. She’s staying.
“Burning the plants isn’t gonna work!” She yells. Fuck subtlety. Maybe Gordon will listen to her, if the cops find her before Calum puts her somewhere she can’t kick her way out of.
But, wonder of wonders, Calum stops. He freezes. Aspen’s dangling on her tiptoes, trying to balance herself. “I know that plant. It’s called jute and it’s gonna be super green. Burning it is gonna damage the asylum more than Pamela Ivey.” The cowl tilts. He’s listening. She tries to catch her breath. “Cold is gonna be way more effective. You fought that Professor Freeze -”
“Victor Fries.”
“Whatever. I mean, yeah.” Aspen covers quickly. She’s taking this seriously, she swears. “I’m willing to bet you have some of his cryogenic tech stored away. You can freeze the plants to keep them from growing more and maintain the structural integrity long enough to get any remaining inmates out. Then you might even be able to shatter them with that sonic blast thing you’re trying to sell to the military.”
Calum lowers his arm a little, and Aspen finds her footing again. “How did you know about all that?”
Aspen takes her chance, and yanks her arm out of his grip. It’s not as satisfying as it should be. They both know that he’s letting her break away. “Does it matter? I’m trying to fucking help you.” She says, taking a step out of his reach again. Her shoulder burns like the frusteration in the pit of her stomach.
“I don’t need your help.” The Batman turns his face away.
“Obviously you do.”
The cowl is pretty face-absorbing, but Aspen could swear she saw his jaw flex. “You’re a distraction. I can’t have you getting into trouble for me while I’m trying to save Gotham.”
“For you?” Aspen repeats. Fuck it, she is angry now, she gets into his space again. “You think I came all the fuckin’ way out here solely for your benefit?”
Lighting quick, he reaches out and grabs her face. She stills immediately, his eyes boring into hers. She doesn’t dare move. “Every time I look at you I see that cut you got trying to keep me safe. Do you know what that’s like?” Calum turns her head, forcing her to face the side. She can feel his eyes tracing the cut on her cheek. His grip on her jaw is dangerous - it’s barely not strong enough to hurt her. Just. He wants her to know how easily he could make this hurt.
Aspen doesn’t give a shit. She’s so mad her brain turns to angry static, and her mouth hangs open. How fucking dare he.
He pushes her so she stumbles back in her furious daze. “I’m not going to let that happen again. Now, you can go quietly into a cop car and get a nice ride home, or I can -”
“You’re such a fucking asshole.”
“What?”
“You’re an asshole.” Aspen repeats. Her hand flies to her face, tracing the ridges of the raised scar. “You think I did this for you? God, you’re so fucking selfish.” He is quiet. Not that she notices. She’s too mad to think about what he’s doing. She just wants him to hurt.
“Fuckin’ Christ.” She laughs. “I kept my mouth shut because I knew that the second I talked, they were gonna kill me. That’s all. I wasn’t trying to keep you safe, you jackass. I was trying to save my life. God,” she mocks his voice, “do I know what that’s like. It’s my fucking face! How do you think I feel!” She’s shaking. She has to catch her breath. She hasn’t been so angry in a long time.
The mask remains impassive, but - “I’m sorry.” He says. Aspen blinks. It sounds weird, in his Batman rasp.
“Yeah, well, I’m sorry it’s such a fucking burden for you to look at me. What a martyr. Thank God you’re around to make these difficult fucking choices for me, right?” She snaps at him.
“I’m sorry.” Calum says through gritted teeth. Aspen’s not worried. As if his anger could catch up to hers. “Listen, this isn’t the time.”
“I’m not gonna give you the chance to kick me out again. Every time you see me you’re trying to make it the last time and you know what? I’m fucking sick of it!” She shakes her head, as if that will clear it. “You should have let me help when I offered in the first place.”
Calum shakes his head. “No.” He says, simply.
“Fuck you.” Aspen snaps, dropping her backpack off her back. She had never wanted to shake the sense into someone before, but she was about to try. That was worth losing her protection for. Let her get shot. Obviously he would feel it more, that fucking asshole.
“Go home.” Calum says, looking around. The gates of the asylum loom up behind him. “We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”
“If I’m not halfway to Central City by then!”
Calum’s face is inches from hers. “Aspen. Thank you for your help. Now, get off this island before you get hurt again.”
Aspen shakes her head. She makes herself take a deep breath. It stills something inside her, and she can finally properly look at him. Calum’s eyes are dark in the sockets of his mask, and his chest is heaving. He’s mad, too. Goddamn, they keep fucking doing this to themselves.
He’s so close she can smell that cologne he uses, even through the suit. They both realize how close they are at the same moment, but neither one steps back. Aspen is suddenly waiting for him to kiss her, but all he does is let out a little sigh. He doesn’t move. Not an inch.
“I have to do everything myself, don’t I?” She says, and then she grabs that stupid fucking cowl and yanks him in and kisses him.
Maybe he lets her drag him in, or maybe he’s surprised. But it doesn’t matter, because he’s kissing her back ferociously, pressing his tongue at the seam of her lips almost immediately. Aspen opens her mouth so he can feel her teeth. Her fingernails find seams in his armour and she drags herself closer, pressing her body against his. His hand finds the soft place above her hip and he digs his fingers in, pulling her closer. Calum pushes back; he presses in, kissing her so hard she has to tilt her head back and cling to him to stand upright. His teeth dig into her bottom lip, and Aspen’s body jolts as he pulls back slowly, until she feels like her whole body is going to snap. When he lets go suddenly and lets her lip fall back into place, they stare at each other, chests heaving, sharing a breath in the tiny space.
“Fuck,” Calum growls, and he grabs her thighs, lifting her and pressing her against one of the brick pillars by the gate so fast the air is knocked out of her lungs. He kisses her hard, fingers digging into her thighs as he tries to devour her. Aspen whimpers into his mouth, she can’t help it. She wants to be able to pull his hair. She wants to feel him so bad. Calum kisses like a tsunami, all overwhelming force like he’s trying to knock her over and over until she doesn’t know which way is up. Usually Aspen has tricks, she kisses like she’s trying to hint at what else her mouth is good at. This time there’s none of that. She just has to cling to him, wrap her legs around his waist and let his lips envelop her.
She wraps her arms around his neck and grinds down on him as they kiss, feeling short of breath in the best fucking way. Calum’s hands move up to her ass, helping her roll her body against his. Aspen doesn’t know how this happened and she doesn’t fucking care, she just wants to kiss him forever. God, she wishes she could feel him. All of him.
When Calum pulls back, she doesn’t care, she chases his mouth until he grabs her hair to keep her from getting caught up in another kiss. She whines, and when she opens her eyes he’s smirking at her. That’s mean. She squirms against him, mouth half open, knowing she’s desperate and not fucking caring. Calum makes a small sound, a fond one, she thinks, even though it’s weird hearing tenderness come from him, from the Batman, and he leans in again -
Aspen jumps when the sound of metal shrieks out behind her. The gates are opening. Batman moves fast - he moves back so she drops down from where he had her pinned, and tucks her under his arm as a cop car, lights flashing, pulls through the gate. “Wait,” Aspen says, as he pulls her towards the road. The car’s stopped in front of them. He’s trying to kick her out again. “Wait, please, I want to stay.” It sounds pathetic in her own ears as the officer steps out.
Calum ignores her. “Take this civilian back to the city centre. She’s in danger.” He orders the cop, grabbing her by the shoulder to pull her out from the security of his chest. His thumb is on her spine.
“No, I’m not - I’m not going!” Aspen cries, but this cop obviously is on the Batman’s side, he grabs her other arm and helps pull her away.
“Miss, miss, come on, let’s get you out of -”
“I need to stay!” Aspen says, turning to him wild-eyed. “I’m here to help, please -” She turns around to plead with Calum again, and he’s just gone. The ground where he stood is empty. A disappearing act. It shocks her so much she goes still and stops fighting the cop.
He left her. Again.
The officer isn’t as impressed as she at the Batman’s little trick. He’s still tugging at her. Aspen gives in quietly, numbly lets him get her in the backseat of his car. Her mouth is still wet from his kisses. She had really thought she was going to win this one. She didn’t even get to see Poison Ivy!
Pushed to the side again. She was starting to get used to it.
The cop asked her a few conversational questions, in a friendly sort of way. He knows the officers from her last ride in a cop car. She’s famous, almost. Aspen didn’t answer him except to tell him where to drop her off. She felt sick. It should have been raining; she should have been soaked and shivering, making the scene even more pathetic. But no, the stars were stubbornly out, and she could see them even through the bars.
“See that?” The cop says.
Aspen didn’t respond.
“‘S one of the Bat’s drones. He uses them for bringing in artillery.”
Aspen looks, even though she tries not to do it too obviously. Something does wizz over the car. Maybe that’s the freeze gun. Maybe she did help.
Well, it’s gonna be the last fucking contribution she ever makes in Gotham.
Calum’s not going to let her stay, now. She’s proven herself to be too much trouble. Aspen’s heart aches. Fuck, she has got to stop kissing him. It never seems to end well.
Also, cop car back seats are fucking uncomfortable. She couldn’t have sat in the front this time?
“Oh, sh- hey, I forgot my backpack. We need to go back.” Aspen realized. Stupid.
The cop just shakes his head. “No can do, miss. You heard the Bat. We’ll find a way to get it back to you later.” She slumps back into the plastic back seat, kicking herself for leaving her backpack behind.
Aspen doesn’t offer herself the wild hope that she’ll be allowed to stay. What had Calum said that day in her office, again? What were the terms of her exile? They were still pretending she didn’t know, then, so there was nothing explicit, but she’s pretty sure that vandalizing a subway car, trespassing through the tunnels under the island, and running all over Arkham Island is in violation of her parole.
Aspen doesn’t cry until she’s safely at home. She shuts the door to the apartment and leans against it and she can’t move, she just stands there and cries silently until she can move apart her apartment, face twisted with tears, and shuck off her clothes to shower. Dirt swirls around the drain. Fuck, she has an early morning tomorrow. Her last morning, probably. It hurts her to think how easily Calum can make her disappear out here.
She checks the news, standing in her towel in the bathroom after fishing her phone out of her pocket. Poison Ivy has been recaptured. It doesn’t feel like a triumph.
She collapses into bed, muscles grateful, but it takes her a long, long time to fall asleep.
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Aspen hums to the mice. Take Good Care of My Baby. It’s a cute little 50s tune. Yes, she knows it’s stupid, the mice aren’t her babies, but she’s feeling fucking sentimental, alright, it’s probably her last day.
She hates saying goodbye to places. It feels like Goodnight Moon. She says a fond farewell to every sink, every coat rack, even the counter she banged her hip on every other day. She’s just cleaning up when she hears Ashton come in, yelling her name, and she braces herself for the worst kind of parting.
“Mac, where are you? Oh, still with the mice.” Ashton comes in, practically panting. “I just got off the phone with Mr. Hood. Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving us?”
No. God, her stomach sinks. He must be really pissed, if he didn’t have the decency to tell her himself she was being transferred. Fuck. “I’m really sorry.” Aspen says, turning to face him. “If I had known sooner, I would have told you. I never wanted to leave you shorthanded.”
“No, no.” Ashton says, smiling. Aspen’s heart squeezes in her chest. He’s glad to get rid of her. Fuck, was she really that much of a burden after the incident? “Don’t worry about us. Holy shit!” He hugs her. Aspen would hug him back, only she’s kind of in a state of shock. She hadn’t realized her recent work was that bad. “You’re gonna come visit us, right?”
“...I mean, as often as I can, it’s just kinda far.”
Ashton laughed again, and actually leaned back to pick her up and spin her around. “Kinda far, she says. You deserve this, Mac.” He says, once he sets her down. “I’m so proud of you.” He holds her at arm’s length. He is beaming.
Wait, what the fuck? “Thanks.” Aspen mumbled as an afterthought. She doesn’t know what’s going on. “What, uh, what exactly did Mr. Hood tell you about?”
“Your lab.” Ashton blinks at her. “The lab you’re heading. You’re supposed to be meeting him there any minute now. I just wanted to congratulate you before you headed up.”
What? “I, uh, just wanted to make sure I could tell you everything. He told me to, um, just kind of, kind of keep everything under wraps until it was all official. I didn’t want to jinx anything.” Aspen steps out of Ashton’s range, moving around him quickly, peeling off her lab coat. She has to get up there. She checks her phone; nothing. Another test. “I better head up. I’ll be down soon, alright? I’ll be right back.” She says, as if that will make it true.
“Yeah, of course. Good luck, Mac. I mean, I’m sure you won’t need luck, you’ve already got the lab, but -” Aspen walks out on him as he continued on. It’s rude of her. She didn’t care. She worried her hands as she headed for the elevator.
Where the fuck was she even going? Aspen got in the elevator, mercifully empty, and stared at the panel for a moment. What floor were the Hood Tech labs on again? She knows she’s not nearly of that caliber, but it’s her best bet. Aspen hits the button and prays as the door closes. She counts the floors, like it’s some strange countdown to a bomb detonating. Calum wouldn’t get Ashton to lie to her about a lab, he wouldn’t hurt her like that. Was this her transfer? Was that what it was? Was he meeting with her to give her this pretty consolation prize? What if she’s not even going to the right spot?
Aspen shuffles back as the elevator fills and empties, like the tides. She has a long way to go, a long vertical ride for her to chew on her lip and wrestle with her hands. It feels like ages later when she steps out of the elevator, alone, on the Hood Tech landing.
Calum is there.
“You found me,” He says, smiling, and Aspen can’t believe it. She’s actually incredulous. He’s never smiled at her like that - all sunny and unguarded like nothing’s happened. Like they’re both unscarred.
Aspen just nods. She doesn’t know what it’s safe to say yet. Calum can see how worried she is, and he puts a big hand on her shoulder to soothe her.
Out of all the freaky shit Aspen’s seen since she came into his office, this might top everything.
“I need to thank you for your help last night.” He says as he starts to guide her down the hall.
Okay, that’s now the freakiest.
Aspen doesn’t peek into the doors around her, this time. She keeps her eyes on him. “You thanked me then.” She says, cautiously. So they can just… talk about this? They can just do that?
“Not properly.” He’s excited - Aspen has to hurry to keep up with him again. “Your strategy was invaluable. I don’t know why I didn’t see it sooner, but - and how did you even get on the island?”
He’s beaming. That’s the word she’s looking for, Calum is beaming. Aspen feels it on her skin like the sun. “Subway tunnel.”
He shakes his head. “I thought so.” Grinning, he stops at a closed door and waves a key card in front of a sensor. A light turns green and he pushes the door open. “I arranged something for you. As a thank you.” He keeps looking at her, like an expectant kid watching someone open a present. This is for you”
It really is a lab. Well, not yet, but it will be. There are benches and monitors and it’s all white and clean, waiting for her to fill it with what she needs to save her corner of the world. Aspen’s not being sent away. She’s not going anywhere. She gets to stay. She gets all this.
She should say something. She can feel Calum looking at her expectantly, and she fucking hopes he can see the joy shining on her face, but she can’t think of what to say. “...I thought you were transferring me.” She says after a moment. Wait, no, that’s not what she means. She turns to face him properly. “I mean, thank you. Thank you so much.”
Calum squeezes her shoulder gently. His hand starts to wander up a little more, fingers just brushing the edges of the skin of her neck exposed by her shirt. Aspen tries not to think about it. “You deserve it. Just let me know what you need, I’ll see to it for you. I didn’t know what equipment you’d need, but -”
“It’s perfect.” Aspen says. “Don’t worry about it. It’s perfect.” She wants to kiss him. Fuck, she can’t say enough how much this means to her, she wants to show him. She holds off, though. She can’t fuck this up now.
But she can’t wait. She settles for throwing her arms around him in a hug, and with his lightning fast reflexes Calum hugs her back, folds her into his chest and rests his head on hers like he was waiting for this. If he was waiting, she wouldn’t have been mad. He could be one step ahead of her on this one.
Too soon, he pulls back, but he keeps his hands on her so she faces him square. He checks over his shoulder to make sure the door is closed, face sober for a second, then - “This support isn’t conditional on you working with me as… As Batman.” He takes a deep breath. “But I’d really appreciate it if you considered -”
“Yes.” Aspen says, too fast. She laughs at herself nervously. This is incredible. “I mean, I fuckin’ considered it pretty hard last night, if we’re speaking freely, sir.”
Calum laughs at that, ducking his head. When he raises it, Aspen shifts in his arms; he’s looking at her so tenderly she can’t breathe. “There are a few conditions.” He says, once he’s caught his breath and found a way to arrange his face into something other than a grin. He pulls away, trying to take on the Calum-Hood-CEO pose she’s seen him do in so many meetings. His stern face isn’t entirely convincing. Aspen loves it.
“Hit me.”
“I- okay.” Calum chuckles again before getting himself back under control. “The big thing is you don’t come into the field with me. That’s non-negotiable. I’ll give you a direct comm link to me at all times, whatever you want, but I am not putting you in the line of fire. Don’t start.” He warns as Aspen opens her mouth to protest. He’s really stern, now. He means this one.
She closes her mouth. “Fine.”
Calum gives her a look that is so unbearably soft she thinks she might fall apart. “You train every day with me at the manor.” He continues. “Every day. You also need to be available at all times. If I call, you head straight here, no questions asked. You can pursue any research you want in your spare time, but if you take this on I’d expect your priority to be supporting me.”
Any research? Aspen’s heart almost jumps out of her throat. This is worth the bloodshed. This is worth every sleepless night. And he’s finally gonna let her do her work. “I - yes. Of course.” She says, nodding seriously despite the happiness bubbling inside her.
“You should take your time with this choice.”
It sounds like Calum is trying to warn her, but Aspen doesn’t give a shit. “With all due respect, Cal, you couldn’t keep me away from this if you tried.” She says, stepping into the lab to explore in case he decides to try and drag her out. “And, in fact, you have. And it didn’t work out for you.”
“Don’t be smug.” Calum says behind her. He’s smiling. She can hear it. It makes the hair on the back of her neck stand up.
“I’m right, though.” Aspen says, pulling a wheely-chair out from a desk experimentally. Her backpack is placed on her seat. Her backpack! “Oh my god, you brought my bag in for me?” She says, turning around to face him.
“Yeah, what were you doing at Arkham Asylum with a biochemistry textbook?” Calum asks, tilting his head to the side as he walks over.
“It was supposed to help if anyone shot at me from behind.” Calum snorts out a laugh, and doesn’t try to hide it. Mean, she thinks fondly. “Hey, listen, we don’t all have multi-million dollar corporations behind us to make custom suits or whatever.” She pouts, but he just laughs again and walks towards her.
“I’ll order you a bulletproof backpack.”
“Oh, you can actually do that?”
“Sir.” He reminds her, but he’s smiling, like it’s an inside joke.
Aspen shakes her head and grins. “Oh, fuck off, we’re way past that, sir.”
Calum grabs the backpack out of her hands and before it hits the floor he is kissing her. He grabs her hips, pressing her back against the desk as his tongue curls languidly into her mouth. Aspen’s body melts into his and she finally, finally gets to weave her fingers into his hair and tug on it gently. Calum kisses like a fucking dream like this, all unhurried and so happy his lips are always in danger of stiffening into a smile. Aspen loves it.
When Calum pulls away, he rests his forehead against hers. His lips are parted, and Aspen knows if she tries she can dart in and kiss him again. But she resists that urge; she stays still. She doesn’t want to make a sudden move and have him pull away again. And after a long moment, Calum connects their lips again. His thumbs dig into the soft areas above her hips, but this kiss is short, it’s sweet. He pulls away, far enough that she can see it clearly when he smiles at her.
But then he hesitates.
“I don’t - I don’t know if it’s a good idea for us to do this.”
Fuck that. He kissed her this time. Aspen’s had enough of this. “Then let me go.”
He doesn’t.
They’re quiet for a few moments more. Aspen takes a deep breath. She doesn’t want to be a woman who just bends over backward for someone, asks for nothing and starves. But right now, this is what she wants. She likes that he’s the only one who can keep up with her, the only person who makes her feel so unsteady, free even if it’s free-fall.
“Hey,” she says, quietly, “I don’t expect ‘normal’ from you. I know what the reality of this is. I don’t need any promises, I don’t want you to feel like I’m your weakness, but - don’t keep pushing me away. Either cut this off right now, or just - let me keep kissing you. But don’t leave me hanging here. One or the other. Please.”
Calum’s still holding her hips as he looks at her. For once, Aspen doesn’t feel afraid. No matter what comes next, she knows she can take it. Fuck, she spent all that time alone chained to a chair, she can cut Calum out of her heart easy now that she’s been through that.
And she knows she can handle his love.
Calum leans in again, but Aspen lets go of his hair to put a hand to his chest, stopping him even as his lips puckered. “Don’t.” She says, meeting his eyes. “Don’t kiss me if it’s gonna be a goodbye.”
He swallows hard. Aspen can see his Adam’s apple bob. He reaches up to cup her face, running his thumb along the scar on her cheek. She jolts. She’s never let anyone touch her there. No one who knew her, no one who wasn’t wearing gloves. His touch is gentle, his hand warm. She swears she can feel the ridges of his fingertips.
Calum kisses her, and God, it feels good.
“You gave me a heart attack. You scared me.” She jokes when he pulls away, and he laughs, throwing his head back. His eyes shine when he looks back at her.
“I didn’t mean to - Listen, I really have to go, I have meetings all morning, but I’ll come see you after. We need to get you set up as soon as possible, alright, Penny?”
How long had he been thinking about calling her that? Aspen doesn’t care. Well, maybe she did. She could ask now. She doesn’t have to pretend so much anymore. “How long have you been thinking about calling me that?” She asks, tilting her head.
He rolls his eyes at her, looking away like he’s embarrassed to be asked. Her heart swells. Fuck, he’s perfect. “Too long. You don’t mind it?” Calum asks finally. He means it, he’s unsure. She can see it in his eyes.
“No one calls me that. It’s… kinda sweet.” She says, and she means it, too.
“It suits you.” He says, squeezing her hip before letting her go to head for the door. “Listen, I’ll bring lunch from that place you like when I come back?”
This is how it ends, then. He leaves her alone to sort out the lab, sort out everything. Aspen’s not totally naive; they’ll talk business at lunch, and then they’ll talk pleasure. She’s willing to bet Calum will have come up with a crazy list of rules by then, try to polarize this. She can take him, though. She can take him. After that, more work, and then there will be a date, or maybe not. He’ll probably get all dressed up tonight, in a suit of one sort or another.
What the hell, she can’t predict how her days are going to go from here on out. The thought kinda thrills her. She just smiles around her empty lab and starts to get to work.
-
But that’s not how it all ends.
The adventures of Calum and Aspen will continue in “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Bat”, coming soon to a blog near you!
#that's my big project#and yes it is stupid#and yes it was dumb of me to tease it#and no i don't give a fuck#my writing#twdk#twdk12#5sos series#5sos fic#5 seconds of summer series#calum hood fic#calum hood series#ch blurb#batman!au#ceo!cal
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The Fortress of Darkness and Light Part 1
The next morning the heroes awoke and prepared for the final battle, Legend assured them they could reach Veran’s fortress before the day was over and they revealed in the idea that in only a matter of hours they would be free. Free from the influence of the darks and finally back to their own selves.
With all their weapons and armor at the ready, magical tools on hand the ten of them set out from Legend’s house. The purple rabbit man, Ravio, had insisted on following them, claiming to worry about Legend’s safety.
Sighing Sky walked alongside his friends, he should have felt happy to almost be rid of Stygian, but he didn’t. If he was honest he hadn’t felt much at all recently. Stygian kept quiet most of the time which was almost worse than talking constantly.
The day passed in a haze, everyone was on edge legend and Ravio led the group reassuring every once and awhile they were getting close. Despite being “good friends” Sky never really saw Ravio and Legend act like it. Both of them kept their attention on other things and rarely spoke to each other while they were traveling.
Sky just wanted it all to be done, he wanted to rest. It had been so long since he’d had a refreshing deep sleep, since he dreamed instead of having cryptid nightmares that only filled him anxiety and stress.
Just after their noon time lunch break Legend turned to address them, his skin had become more ashen recently and the green highlights in his hair more pronounced.
“In just about ten minutes of walking Veran’s fortress should be in sight. Once we get in we just have to make it to the top and take her out. The usual stuff. I don’t know what kind of traps she’ll have set up so be ready for anything.” With the Legend turned around and lead them on.
Surely enough very soon the fortress appeared in their vision, it appeared like a twisted imitation of Hyrule castle. Colored all dark great a shadow was cast over the land, as they continued on the draw bridge opened and Veran’s voice drifted out over the wind,
“Heroes of light, creatures of dark, and those in between. You seek to be free yet first you must pass through my fortress, trials of dark and trials of light await you. Only if you embrace both will you succeed.”
As Veran’s voice faded so did the light around them and the heroes slipped into unconsciousness.
____________________________________________________________________________
When Sky awoke again it was like his head was full of dense clouds that made his thoughts fuzzy and slow. Looking around he saw only Legend, Four, Wild, and Twilight. The others were gone. A quick survey showed they were in a small room with a corridor leading outward.
“She split us up.” Legend observed looking at his friends before registering, “Wait where’s Ravio?”
“He’s probably with the others.” Twi comforted as Sky moved to sitting still trying to clear his head, all their words felt muffled and distant.
“That means he’s alone with Eternal, and Conqueror, and Callous.” Legend’s breath speed up slightly, looking on the edge of panic. “We need to find them.”
Four grabbed Legend’s hand and signed something Sky couldn’t see. As Twilight continued, “No, that means he’s there with Time, and Warriors and Hyrule. They wouldn’t let the darks hurt him.”
Legend mumbled something Sky couldn’t hear, his ears finally beginning to clear he heard Wild speak up. “We need to get moving, I’m sure we’ll meet up with others if we just go through.
The others nodded and gathered their things. Sky stood noticing his second sword had slipped out of its scabbard, the sword he loathed to use but found himself carrying most often. Fi still wouldn't respond, not so much as a word or even a feeling in months, it was almost easier to use the demon sword rather than have to deal with that silence.
Sighing lightly he put his swords back in their scabbard as the ghostly image of his old enemy appeared by him, not that the others could see.
"Finally we made it to the stupid palace, I can't wait to be free of this stupid light." Griahim complained as he often did.
Sky just ignored the sword spirit as he started to follow the others. Ghirahim continued to complain as they went, complaining that he hadn't taken care of the blade or complaining about the temple and it's garish design.
As they ended the hall it opened into a wide room with black and white tiles if the floor, as Wild who was in the lead stepped in the first tile it made a sound like a note played on the piano.
“What the…?” Wild started.
Veran’s melodious voice floated over them once again “Each of you must play along to the song of the tiles, for if you dont death will befall on these trials.”
The five looked at each other, before Sky spoke up. “I think we need to play music, as we walk across.”
From his bag Sky drew his Zelda’s harp, the small golden harp reminded him of her. A heavy weight settled in his heart as somewhere in the pits of their soul he felt Stygain’s repulse for her. Sky still loved her, more than he had ever loved anyone before, but using her harp felt wrong in his hands.
Trying to push that feeling of disgust away he strummed the harp lightly its golden tones still melodious as they always had been. Four and Legend turned to their bags and dug through them, Four producing a simple ocarina and Legend producing a harp, quite different from Zelda’s. Legend’s harp was pink and blue in a circle, with golden features. As he strummed it the others could feel the power that came from it, this was not just an instrument.
Wild and Twilight just kind of stood there awkwardly and Four turned to them signing “You music play?”
“Well um I do have one thing I could try, I’m not very good with it.” With a few taps of the Sheikah slate wild pulled out an accordion. He squeezed the instrument a few times tapping the keys on the side in a familiar melody though Sky couldn’t recall its name. Legend nodded and they turned back to Twilight who shifted nervously.
“Do you not play any instrument?” Legend questioned. “I've got a spare few in my bag….”
“I um, I usually howl.” Twilight muttered. The others attention snapped back to him.
“You what?” Legend laughed.
“I howl, I can whistle too but not without a piece of grass.” Twi said his face becoming more assured.
“It’ll be fine Twilight.” Wild said looking at the others, he shifted his accordion and turned back around to face the room.
Sky watched as Twilight shifted into his wolf form and let out a howl, deep and full. The others played their instruments along with it, the sounds of their odd five piece band mingling together.
Sky strummed the harp as they made their way through the room, each new tile would make a note and they would respond by playing the same or accompanying ones, as they hurried over the floor it grew into a song of sorts each note helping to create the symphony. As Sky played the feeling of the harp in his hands made him warm, glad that he had this piece of her with him.
As they reached the final tile of them room it sounded with a deep tone like that of a church bell striking, though they tried to recreate it only Twilight’s howls came anywhere close to it. Though he should have felt panicked Sky didn’t, he felt calm, calmer than he had in awhile but Zelda’s harp always had that effect on him. Instead Sky just briskly walked forward off the tile into the safety of the hallway as the tile began to crack and shake. The others quickly followed running and in some cases jumping off to make it into the hallway.
After putting away their instruments the other turned to Sky.
“How did you know that would work?” Twilight questioned. “There could have been some other trap or trick.”
Sky simply shrugged, “It was the last tile, it was the simplest path.”
After a few more odd glances the others continued on ward as they started through the maze of Veran’s castle, they honestly did more getting lost than they did solving puzzles or setting off traps.
But as they continued Sky kept thinking about that puzzle, about the song they played, once he put it together it seemed familiar, like something Zelda would have played for him when they were younger. An image of her playing the harp, her hands moving lightly over is strings, golden hair gleaming in the sun appeared in his mind conjuring up a small smile on his face.
Could have this witch designed the puzzle, for him? To remind him of his Zelda? Sky’s thoughts wondered at the possibility, but why would she have done that? As he followed that line of reasoning Sky thoughts turned, she was using Zelda’s song to mock him. To use something he loved against him.
The dark part of his mind, the voice and emotions he’d come to associate with Stygian spoke. “You let your pathetic obsession with her make you a fool, even before this witch stepped in.”
“Its not an obsession, I love her.” He defended yet the voice rose again.
“And that makes you all the weaker, thinking yourself worthy of a goddess.”
Sky’s heart fell as he considered the words, was he really worthy of her and her affection? He spent his entire life learning how to fight to protect her, to be a knight for their home. But for what? For a woman that would never be able to be with him even though they had been reincarnated so many times together.
The harp now hidden in his pack seemed to grow heavy at his thoughts and he felt a growing repulsion to the instrument. All of that, just to solve a stupid puzzle?
#linkeduniverse#merged#the dungeon begins#the end is nigh#sky just wants to be happy with zelda#but he cant
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Mistigram: our feverish administrator has a wheezing, bellows-driven sideline. Late in 2020 he was pleased to announce how his two great retrotech loves, the realm of the squeezebox and the world of textmode art, were coming together in the form of the 🪗 accordion emoji, successfully proposed to the Unicode Consortium by one of his colleagues. Solid gold #PETSCII artist @SnakePETsken approved, whereupon Cth noted that awesome as the accordion emoji is, it still wouldn't hold a candle to accordion /PETSCII/. Snake retreated to his workshop and returned with this oddly familiar scene, a portrait of Cthulu performing one of his "Stupid Accordion Tricks" cover song videos, as he has done weekly for over two years now. (The Stupid Accordion Trickster will be performing an hour-long video-stream of love songs for Valentine's Day this Friday evening, from 5-6 pm PST!) This screen was included in last month's music-themed MIST0121 artpack collection. https://instagr.am/p/CLMyT-JjIDa/
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flintwood + valentine’s day headcanons for the @slytherdornet and @hprarepairnet be mine challenge!
added a cut bc this got LONG
oliver’s just been made captain of puddlemere united, and marcus is still trying to predict where he’ll be drafted, so they’ve got a lot on their minds and not a lot of time
so they agree up front that they won’t do anything special for valentine’s day
“we show our love for each other every day! why should valentine’s be any different?” “yeah it just implies that you don’t always show your love for your partner!”
secretly they’re both romantics, so they’re kinda disappointed
(marcus secretly wanted one of those big teddy bears shhh)
both of them assume the other is completely against valentine’s, so they’re very careful not to bring it up
then two days before the actual holiday, percy weasley asks oliver to help him plan something for his partner (he wants oliver to fly over their romantic picnic with a banner that says “i love you” because percy does nothing by halves)
oliver lets it slip that he and marcus aren’t really doing anything for valentine’s
percy’s pretty surprised, since he knows oliver is usually a sucker for romance
but hey, it’s pretty cool that they’ve come to this mature decision that both marcus and oliver are happy with
and then oliver just sorta “yeah but no but nyerajhasdf”
at first percy assumes that marcus completely shut oliver down about this, but oliver then explains that no, i didn’t even tell him i wanted to do anything
and percy sits oliver down for a Talk
“if you and your partner can’t communicate about something as silly as valentine’s day plans, how will you be able to deal with the big stuff?”
basically percy convinces oliver to go talk to marcus about how he wants to go out to dinner and then go ice skating together (unimportant but oliver wears figure skates and can do some basic jumps and spins because he is v graceful!)
meanwhile, adrian’s alone and sad for now, so he asked marcus to come over two days before this to cheer himself up
when marcus actually gets there, he finds out that adrian got himself a girlfriend within the last 24 hours so he’s not sad or alone anymore! but hey, he’s at his old best friend’s house, so he sits down and has a drink and he and adrian start talking
and somehow marcus ends up telling adrian that yeah, we’re not really doing anything even though i kinda wanted to…
adrian knows that marcus is sometimes bad at communicating, so he kindly asks if marcus even told oliver he wanted to do something big
“not really, but he didn’t even want to. how am i supposed to say ‘hey ollie i know you don’t wanna do anything for valentine’s but let’s go out to a fucking fair and win each other stupid prizes and then kiss on a goddamn ferris wheel?’ how was i supposed to say that, adrian?” “hey marc take a chill pill mate”
adrian knows how stubborn marcus gets, so he lets him stew
later, he sends a letter to oliver, because yeah he and wood don’t really get along, but they agree on one thing, and that’s that marcus flint is really fucking great and deserves the world
the letter is about 3 lines long and basically says “3:00 pm: arrive at fairground. 4:30 pm: you will be serenaded by a conveniently positioned group of street musicians. do not be alarmed. 5:00 pm: ride ferris wheel. kiss at top. 7:00 pm: dinner at this resteraunt. reservation details attached. 8:00 pm: you pick, i’m not doing everything for you, wood.”
oliver gets it and is v confused because marcus didn’t want a valentine’s day thing?? i thought i’d have to convince him???
he decided to just go with it, because this is honestly excellently planned (and also mostly paid for)
he’s not sure whether or not to tell marcus because he feels it would be shitty to spring this on him if he doesn’t want it, but if he does want it then it would be an amazing surprise
he asks katie bell for help here, because she’s good at romance (despite being aro herself), and she says to keep it a surprise, since it sounds like marcus would like it
after all, why would pucey of all people send this if marcus wouldn’t like it? he might love marcus even more than marcus’s terrifyingly clingy mother does
so oliver keeps it a secret, and on valentine’s day at 2:45, right before “arrive at fairground” he says “hey babe wanna go to the fair?”
he figures if marcus says no, then he can stop the whole evening there
marcus literally freezes, but then he’s like “yeah?? that sounds great?” and then, v cautiously, “how about dinner after? i know we said we didn’t want to do anything big, but i kind of wanted to do something for valentine’s”
oliver is so happy!! yes he wants to go out for dinner!!! yes he wants to do valentine’s day!!!
they go to the fair and have a great time, although the winning each other cute prizes doesn’t really work out
they end up competing furiously against each other, but oliver doesn’t seem to stand a chance against marcus
it’s bc most of the games involve throwing something, and marcus is a chaser
“chaser more like cheater” -oliver tbh
marcus is the one to win the giant teddy bear and he keeps it for himself “as a reminder of my victory today”
the street musician serenade is really surprising for both of them (oliver thought adrian was making it up) (marcus is v creeped out and may or may not throw cotton candy at the accordion guy)
they do have their romantic ferris wheel moment, which is surreal for both of them, since they’ve never really had this traditional sappy romance and this is new and amazing for them
dinner goes great and they have a good time, although oliver accidentally insults marcus’s taste in wine and is then treated to a lecture on why he is an uncultured swine
afterwards, marcus expects to apparate home, but oliver surprises him with one last activity
ice skating!! this was ollie’s Big Dream, and he wanted to do one thing he’d hoped for
this is where oliver gets marcus back for teasing him at the fair. oliver is super dramatic with his figure skating tricks, while marcus struggles along in hockey skates
eventually oliver teaches him to skate slightly better, and they skate hand in hand “for teaching purposes”
afterwards they head home and that’s when “so you did want something for valentine’s” “so you did want something for valentine’s”
they decide that from now on they’ll be sure to do something each year, since they’re nontraditional and constantly arguing most of the time, but this is a good time to sample being a cliche sweet couple
percy hears about this and sends adrian a letter saying nothing but “you did good”
#oliver wood#marcus flint#flintwood#harry potter#headcanon#*#headcanon*#hprarepairnet#hprarepairnetchallenge#slytherdornet#slytherdornetchallenge#hp
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Happy #Easter! For today's #StupidAccordionTrick, here's the wacky and sacreligious 1957 tune #PlasticJesus.
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My final love song for February's #StupidAccordionTricks, here's #DanBern's unrecorded (and very silly) #CashAndNin, an NSFW exploration into two tastes that just might go great together.
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I regretted not making more #ChappellRoan covers in 2024 for my #StupidAccordionTricks series, but that's easy to fix. In tribute to the indomitable spirit of LA and resilient queer communities everywhere, I have covered #PinkPonyClub on my stupid squeezebox.
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One heck of a #StupidAccordionTrick, here I climb into the ring with #AlanMencken's #MeanGreenMotherFromOuterSpace, from the 1986 #LittleShopOfHorrors movie musical. (And I, too, am bad.)
#accordion#stupid accordion tricks#Mean Green Mother From Outer space#little shop of horrors#Youtube
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Demi Adejuyigbe has thrown in the towel, leaving the field for others to celebrate the 21st of September according to their fashion. Here on #StupidAccordionTricks, I think you know what that means, so enjoy my squeezy rendition of #September by #EarthWindAndFire!
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Over the past couple of years I've started doing "here's a song that YOU like!" covers when people in my family have birthdays. I knew I'd have to recognize Jen's with some #ChappellRoan, but it took me a while to figure out _which_ song. Anyway, here's #RedWineSupernova.
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From #ThePixies' 1989 album Doolittle, here's one of the first songs I ever learned as a member of the @creakingplanks nearly 20 years ago, back when we were serious about charting our own course as a nautical ensemble and finding our repertoire from unexpected sources. Put on your life jacket, because here comes a #WaveOfMutilation!
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