#stupid story about that spoon pic

[httpiastri]

https://x.com/fourarons/status/1774375933417517527?s=61&t=FgbmwlE3YsUTS5G7y_pSGQ

More Paul selfie him and that spoon what else could he do with that tongue 🤍

oh dear 🫠🫠🫠🫠 that's so..................... yeah no im not gonna say anything bcs things would get out of hand pretty quickly

[moneymartin]

kate hcs? like what u did w nika plsss

・❥・- gf!kate hcs

warnings: harddd smut under the divider at the end and suggestive content :p

afab!r

a/n: i genuinely love doing hcs more than writing full on fics cause my lord i cannot write a whole story without going off track and ruining the entire thing… got carried away like always. also this is longgg overdue as well. i’ve been procrastinating everything and i feel bad for not releasing anything sooner like i promised. thank you for being patient w me lolz

i’m glad that we all agree… kate is theeee golden retriever girlfriend

i mean who wouldn’t say that

blonde masc that gives off happy vibes and literally has a tattoo that says ‘sunshine’

treats you like a real fuckin’ princess like she knows what she’s doing

okay kate lovesssss the kids

her and carson are so adorbs 💔

when someone asks her what her profession is she is not gonna say a pro hooper

shes gonna say that shes carson’s aunt 😭

def takes you over to kennedy’s house when she’s gone and makes you babysit carson w her 🥹

loves when they hold her fingers she thinks its the cutest thing in the world and you photograph the whole thing

spoils you fosho!!!!

mention one lil thing and shes buying it for you

new clothes, bags, shoes, jewelry, accessories. ANYTHING YOU WANNTTT!!!

yk how she likes tswift…

takes you to a concert for your bday if you do too

and wears that stupid cowboy hat 😒

but you guys would be matching soooo

DEFINITELY loves physical touch

hands hands handssss

they’re all over you in public like she is not afraid to show people you’re hers 😩

on your waist or hips. her fingers are always on you somehow

also does it romantically like she’ll intertwine pinkies with you and always holds your hand no matter the situation

the thumb thing is her favorite

loves pda foshooooo

i don’t think she’d be possessive but i feel like shes the jealous type

sees you w a girl at the bar or sumn and starts to FREAK!

she’ll sit next to you immediately and is touching you all over so that the girl goes away 😭

or shes burying her face into your neck and kissing your skin in front of her

WHEW!!!

everyone can disagree w me on this but i see her as lil spoon when you guys cuddle…

FIGHT ME ALL YOU WANT BUT THIS GIRL LOVEEESSSS WHEN YOU PLAY W HER HAIR WHILE SHE SLEEPS

kisses your neck or your collar while shes half asleep 😣

back rubs are her fav thing too

shes the one getting them tho cause she’s always so tense after practice and she believes that if you do it she’ll feel better already

we all know shes a passenger princess.

she probably has a car but refuses to drive it alone when you’re there cause she thinks she’ll crash it or something

lets you wear her clothes

if she was taller (most likely) she’d have you in all her shirts and stuff cause they look bigger on you

you think you shouldn’t wear anything under cause it hides everything anyways and kate agrees

in reality she just loves the easy access…

total baby when she’s drunk

and super clingy :(

arguments don’t happen often but when they do it ends real fast cause she knows how to calm you down 🥹🥹🥹

if anything though the arguments start cause its about something real stupid

teaches you how to play basketball if it isn’t your sport

can’t cook for SHIET!!!! burns eggs easily or somethin like that cause she can’t bring herself to learn

knows how to bake tho 100%

super adventurous

have you guys seen the pic of her zip lining… like she’s fearless when it comes to that stuff

hits the gym and weight room every fuckin day w you so she can build those arms 🤫

spots you when you think its too hard

KATE IS A MUNCH

ik y’all have seen that pussy eater jaw…

kisses are her thing as well

making out w you is the highlight of her night week day whatever!

initiates it all the time cause she knows you love it too

whines during it too me thinks…

when she needs you to shut up during it i firmly believe that she’ll kiss you to muffle the noises 😩

she isn’t straightforward but when she wants to she’ll make it obvious.

GROANER AND GRUNTERRRRR FOR SURE

cusses all the time

hard breather too

she’ll breathe out a bunch of words that you can barely hear cause of your own noises 💀 but you love hearing them cause you know she’s engaged

her strap game is crazy though i can tell…

feel like she’d sometimes just wear it for fun

she’ll wear it just for the looks and not to use it on you 😭😭

she doesn’t wanna have sex w you for her pleasure b/c during it, everything is about YOUUU

your pleasure >>>>> anything else

soft dom 100% but will also switch sometimes if thats what you’re feeling

especially after games like she loves having sex after cause she knows you’ll do everything for her

FUCKIN LOVES WHEN YOU RIDE HER ITS HER FAVORITE THING EVER

always grabbing your hips really tight when you do and theres always marks afterwards on them

and she likes seeing your face when you’re on top

missionary is her thing

eye contact during sex is important

to her at least

LOVES DIRTY TALKING

degrades you but only when you’re being cocky about something while she fucks the shit outta you

i don’t think she’d be aggressive but she’d be a lil rough when she’s upset

hickeys.

leaves marks EVERYWHEREEE

in the most visible spots so that people can see them when you two are in public

only happens during makeout seshes or when you guys are havin your own time tho

she so talks you through it.

always reassuring and asking if you feel good or not

“is this okay?” “does that hurt?” “it’s okay, baby. i’m right here, i promise” “take your time” lil things like that

praises you hella too

call me cringe or whatever

but she’ll call you a good girl if she has to…

when she eats you out she’s SOOO FOCUSED

quiet the wholeeee time but you can feel her getting all breathy against you

kisses your thighs after you cum so you know she’s still there 😞❤️

aftercare queen

she’s already cleaning you up and getting you a new pair of clothes or running a warm bath for the both of you 🥸

[threenorth]

This nightmare last night or this morning... I see as morning reminded me that when we go to bed, I want to hold your hand or curl my. Legg around yours, or butt to butt. Or spoon just I don't want to wake you up to be like hold me because I'd be in a sweat and you might not realize, or vice versa I might not realise you needing me for support if I'm out cold for the night.

I was pretty cold with the AC being all stupid and set probably remotely by the Airbnb host, they think today's they fixed it but it reset so we set it back to 70 and I bet it's gonna be 50 by morning.

The place is an ex retirement / care home house thing?

But back to the morning I got a coffee and a shower and still was a bit... Mentally drained and shakey didn't want to take my calmers the lorzopam or que's as I didn't know what I'd eat for dinner or have a beer or what, lucky for me I guess the little salad I had stopped me from going off the food some people are feeling coming up... and as it was a pizza place, pasta and pototes and all I got was salad as yknow few things were vegan and the waitress was very stupid and didn't know what was in the food and didn't want to ask the chef... So I skipped the pasta with possible dairy or egg in the noodles with pasta sauce, but I didn't eat much salad people wanted to hear all about what I've been doing the last few... 2011? Till now.

Found some old photos when we dropped of grandma to her retiment home for the night lucky for her, she might not get this bug from kindergartener third cousin, but while I was there for a few mins before next week were we/m and mom will be I saw a few pics of me and my buck teath... The blonde hair in Pic 1 is a long story if I recall correctly it the family doesn't seem to remember it but I'm sure my theory was correct... Anyway...

Kirsten, cusion 1 knows. Grandma loves scrabble so she found some old un complete set on Facebook market place and made all the "youngings"

From my brother and me, with no. Kids no names and well, yknow no wife's so names there the two cousins I have one with kids and one without the cousins children whitch is at three names added, galeic and star wars and odd one out named, But I added where I'd expect you to be if you were here and they know but yknow constetibes it ain't over till the wedding blah blah blah, and my uncle was they were cracking jokes with cam about what names of girls could fit in the puzzle and I was thinking yep, I wonder where I am gonna got oh yep there's space for a Ren or Lauren. Depending how you want to be.

But I can't tell with my autism they said it's on a first come basis if they would modify it or not at all because it was for my grandma's 90th birthday (technically next week)

Or serouis as she's getting older by the day... But the whole family came out, here in air bnb it's turning out like family guy... And the chowder episode.

We're about 8 feeling sick of 9 and 7 "double headed dragons' (let's say 💩+🤮=🐲🐲)

I also found in her home a photo of my mother and father. Before he looks bad and she looks happy before the derailment of fate.

The photos aren't in yet of my family but I'll upload some when we get the google drive link...

[leyyvi]

LEY HONEY!!! I’ve been putting off sending something for some hours now cause every time I think of something, I see someone else asked it or mentioned it and my questions are answered aisknfjd BUT NEVERTHELESS I HAVE SOME THINGS I WANNA SAY

1. I wanna thank you for making this sugar daddy Levi as he now just haunts my mind 24/7 alongside Liv’s percolate Levi and have combined together when I think about my fwb who reminds me so much of Levi to begin with?? like this is all my stupid little mind can think about and both of you spoon feed it repeatedly and it doesn’t help that this little fwb of mine decided he wanted to give a relationship a try because it’s me ?? LIKE SOME OF THE THINGS HE SAYS I SAEAR IVE READ THEM IN BOTH OF YALLS FICS AND I CANT HELP BIT THINK “does he read them too? or does he listen to me so well when I talk to him about these fics because he actually cares??” OTS UNHEALTHY HOW MY THOUGHTS ARE JUMBLED UP AT THE MOMENT BECAUSE OF THIS (sorry for this little rant, I had to get it out)

2. Now for the good part, HOLY SHIT LEy the TALKING OF THE TOYS ??? If you do one of those where he has full control of it and they’re somewhere like say the event that he was going to ask her to join him to (was it a ball of sorts?? I already forgot!!) but I’m just thinking of them doing this there and him watching her lose her mind while she’s trying to manage a conversation with maybe Erwin or even Hange or just anyone!! and he’s watching from afar until she just excuses herself and he follows in pursuit and when he catches up to her tells her something like, “who said you could just leave when I’m having fun?” (IDK MY MIND ISNT GREAT AT THINKINN OF LEVI THIS WAY BUT I CANT STOP THEM)

3. If it is someone else who said hello upon answering the phone call, i won’t hate you and I’m sure none of us will (it’s your story, you do with what you will!!) BUT OMG THE AGONY ILNGOING TO FEEL !!! unless it is Levi and he said it in a question because they haven’t talked in like a week and she’s suddenly calling so he’s confused and worried ??! (I know my comment on ao3 showed a different perspective on this but I’ve had time to think okay??!) if I knew how to hack your computer, I would just so I could see what you have planned out next for these idiots!! I JUST NEED LEVI TO GET HIS SHIT TOGETHER AND KISS HER OR FOR HER TO JUST SUDDENLY KISS HIM AND WHEN SHES ANOUT TO LULL AWAH FOR JIM TO GRAB HER AND KEEP IT GOING !!!!

4. I forgot what else I wanted to say/had in mind so uh, I’ll leave it here and just tell you to have a good day!! You deserve it!! Take your time with the next chapter/s, we’ll all be patiently waiting for whatever you’ve got up your sleeve!! 🤧💕 I just hope my heart won’t be broken 🥲💔

ALEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX GODDD YOUR THOUGHTS i LIVE FOR YOUR THOUGHTS PLEASE.

god okay let me just say Liv's percolate Levi...i am both intimidated but also in love with him. i am so fucking in love with her depiction of him bc it's very similar to how i view him actually shhh don't tell her. or do idk djkfhsdk

also her moodboard for him i have not forgotten and fdhfjkhs i lowkey had some of the same pics for reference in my pinterest for paychecks levi uwu

YOUR FWB WTF omg I'm?! VERY HAPPY FOR YOU WHATG THE HELL IF HE'S TAKING NOTES IM-GIIIIRL he better treat you right <3 you deserve it <3333 PLEASE IM LIVING FOR THIS I truly love that for you :')))

oh my god i--i have IDEAS. WAY TOO MANY FUCKING IDEAS and it's gonna be so hard to weed them out. i honestly might have to just make oneshots after paychecks ends because of the possibilities jfkhsdfjkh "who said you could leave" GOD PLEASE you're only feeding more into my ideas holy shit.

I CAN'T WITH THE PHONE THING LMAOOO i really don't know how to respond to it when you guys bring it up but i will just casually slip in the reminder that there is a light angst tag on this story (tho idk how accurate it is anymore) and a happy ending tag so :) take that as you will <3

and not to sound ominous but next chapter is another one i've been looking forward to working on so much, it's probably one of the more cathartic ones that i've written so far. <333 i love the change in your perspective though!!! it's so interesting to see how just a little bit of time can shift things sdfjhksdkj

BESTIE if you SAW the draft it's a complete MESS BUT bc i love you im going to offer the smallest of crumbs and to any1 who bothered to click the readmore HAHA (ill put it at the end in case you don't wanna read it)

bb as always thank you for reading and offering me such wonderful input and your thoughts, truly live for them bc the same way HAHA GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR MANS BTW OMG dsjhkf ROUTING FOR YOU<3

-

-

-

-

-

It’s loud. Unbearably loud. Levi has Hange to thank for that. They’re rambling at an unnecessary noise level, completely inappropriate for the setting that they’re in.

[cortanaaq]

A/N: This came in later than I expected,it’s really long but I hope you enjoy it.

This is for the anon who requested nct or tbz spending Halloween with you. So I did nct 127 ;’) sorry for waiting 

**also thanks to @365nct, i used one of their incorrect quotes for the jaehyun one haha hope they don’t mind

  NCT 127 – Spending Halloween with you

 Taeil

-He was not really used to celebrating Halloween if it wasn’t for the SM Halloween party

-So this year you got him unprepared

-but he doesn’t mind celebrating as long as it is with you

-he came with the idea to have a couple costume and that was ,,,,

-yup you guessed it

-Beauty and the Beast

-but this time he was the beast and you ofc,the beauty

-because he can’t repeat the incident from 2017 where he was dragged to dress up as Belle and winwin was the beast- anyways

-he glares at you every time you bring it up lol

-this time he pulled the uno reverse card tho

-because he definitely treats you like a prince/princess all the time,he went shopping for costumes with you

-he bought everything you wished for,even the crazy unnecessary decorations like a stupid flying skeleton or a witch dressed as a hooker

-like what even is that?? He wondered but laughed when you gave him puppy eyes

-“it’s funny tho,it would look good at the entrance “

-he snorted

-obvs taeil couldn’t resist those eyes and the pouty lips that he kissed in the end

-spends the whole night eating the candies you’ve got

-he likes to take a loooot of selfies so be ready to be bombarded with funny filters

-after you both get tired of all the dress up thingy,you too decided to watch a horror movie

-classic but he knows what he’s doing

-whenever you cling onto his arm or squeeze his hand he smirks and hums into your ear

-you know he’s teasing and he chose that movie on purpose so you occasionally punch his arm when he tickles you with teasing small pecks on your cheeks and neck

-but you secretly enjoy it don’t lie

 Johnny

 -Oh johnny boy 

-I think for sure Halloween is his fave celebration because he always plans to visit Chicago in that period

-for this and for Christmas of course 

-he likes to celebrate it in the US cause the traditions are kept alive there 

-so he’s excited to take you trick or treating 

-You chose Corpse bride for costumes

-you were so excited to do his make up as Victor and he was excited to see you dressed for a wedding lmao

-While doing his make up before leaving for treating,he kept looking at you being so concentrated 

-“you look so beautiful like this babe”

-“johnny I look dead“

-literally

-he laughed and kissed you when he got the opportunity 

-and ofc he couldn’t contain himself from making cheeky remarks  either

-and you get mad at him for talking and smudging his make up by accident

-“you distracted me !!”

-but you like his annoying ass and would never be actually mad at him

 -plus he looked good even with smudged make up

-you think maybe it’s too smudged but he lifts you up and kisses you harder that before

-…and now you’re both smudged  but you don’t really mind as you kiss him one more time

-after all,you leave for trick or treating but realize you’re a bit old for this 

-he will not go home without corn candies tho so you’ll have to force him to do so -but because he looks around and sees mostly children,

-he suggests going to a party in the neighborhood 

-it was a party thrown by his friends ofc 

-and you were more than happy to show everyone the power couple you make together

 -he drives there,one hand on the steering wheel,one hand on your leg

 -occasionally caresses your skin and you blush a little 

-he knows your weaknesses tho

 -anywayssss

-you arrive at the party,everyone is in awe,,,he can’t really stop bragging about you

 -and you have a great time meeting his American friends for the first time

-seeing you tired after a while of being there,he comes closer to you and hugs you from behind

 -whispers in your ear how gorgeous you looked and how everyone loved you 

-and how he’s gonna take you home and spend more time as real ‘groom and bride’;;))

 Taeyong

 -this cute baby couldn’t be more excited to celebrate Halloween with you

-and not to baby him even more but his idea for the costumes was to dress up as among us characters

-yes,,among us characters

-specifically black and pink

-can you guess who’s who?

-he went full shopping mode with you and dragged you through  the stores only to find the perfect match

-and you did ofc

-you came with the idea to throw a party and invite the rest of your friends

-he checked the list of things you needed to buy for Halloween

-and you teased him saying he stressed too much and we should have fun instead of worrying

-“but baby you know if we throw a party,we need to have enough drinks and food”

-puppy eyes: checked

-speaking in tiny: checked

-how could you say no lmao

-and after you bought everything necessary (and unnecessary),,

-you came home to decorate and to put your costumes on

-tried to kiss but you forgot you had the helmets on lmfao

-you both giggled like two kids

-he looked so cute when he put his science goggles on his head

-and you made sure to capture every single angle of his cuteness

-too many pics ,,

-too many

-you had a lot of fun especially that you organized a costume contest

-and you didn’t win because you were the hosts pfff..

-it’s not like everyone voted you for having the coolest couple costume

-kinda sus if you ask me

-n ee ways

-the party was a success and everyone had fun

-you ended up eating so many sweets  

-even tho tyong told you to slow down

-he took care of you and bathed you in kisses and cuddles after everyone left

-“you eat too many sweets every Halloween,,do you even learn?” says as he caresses your cheeks and gives you a long forehead kiss

-“but I can’t help myself,,too good and sweet”

-‘”you’re too good and sweet”

 Yuta

 -It was the morning of 31st October

-the only thing in your mind was the Halloween party at sm you and yuta were going to attend

-and ofc you didn’t want a lame costume,you wanted something cute

-but powerful

-and not to be a cliché but you asked yuta if he wanted to be dressed as anime characters

-man did he give you a look

-he chuckled lightly at your request but couldn’t say no

-“baby the fact that you’re Japanese makes it 1000x better”

-you cup his cheeks in between your hands and he laughs holding you on his lap

-after all he agrees and you go shopping for costumes

-as you thought,you didn’t want to be the basic anime characters so you chose a cute and powerful couple

-Kagome and inuyasha

-When you saw yuta wearing that long white hair-wig,your heart did a flip

-he smiled so large when he saw you wearing that pretty school uniform

-you made him take you in his arms immediately only to start smooching your face

-“baby my make up”

-you were pouting,but he was smirking coming closer to your ear

-“ I will make up for this later,promise”

- he said that biting your ear lobe softly

-oh boy you wanted to forget about the party only for yuta to “make up” for you but

-you could’ve handled that later that night

-you had a great time partying with the members and other idols at sm

-yuta held onto you the whole night feeling so proud to have such a gorgeous s/o only for himself

-but what you had planned after the party was much more exciting ;;)

 Doyoung

-This little sh

-that you loved to the moon and back 

-was a bit skeptic about partying for Halloween 

-for your sake tho,he prepared a horror movie marathon for both of you

 -he also suggested cooking something thematic 

-you actually caught him few days ago watching an instagram video of ‘how to make eyeball lollipops”

-You were like ???

-“I want to make these for Halloween because you don’t need to bake anything you know”

-“so we won’t burn the kitchen down? Ok!”

-you agreed faster than he thought

 -and that made him doubt his cooking skills for a bit but anyways 

-you too didn’t really have anything planned for a costume but you decided to surprise him

-with a bunny costume

-not an onesie,no

 -bunny ears and a bunny tail 

 -while he was concentrated on cooking,

-you showed up wearing a cute lingerie and that bunny costume on you 

-“ hey bunny,wanna snuggle?”

-you leaned on the door frame while trying not laugh

-in that moment he was tasting the jam

-but when he turned around and saw you LIKE THAT 

-he snorted and dropped the spoon full of raspberries 

-he was absolutely sure you wanted to give him a heart

-attack somehow

 -but he came to his senses and approached you with a smirk on his face

 -you couldn’t even think for a bit because in the next second he lifted you up to kiss you 

-“you made me drop the food and make a mess,,do you think I’ll let you go with that?”

-you blushed harder than you thought and suggested to help him clean up the mess 

-but he cut you off mid-sentence with a deepened kiss only to tell you with a low tone

-“those raspberries can wait,the bunny wants snuggles doesn’t it?”

-you tried so hard to keep your cool but who can blame you?? 

Jaehyun

 -Another Halloween enthusiast

-he couldn’t wait to dress up as Gomez and Morticia Addams

-you even helped him with the make-up,drawing a mustache on his face

-“haha very funny’’,

-he responds sarcastically every time you look at him and try not to laugh

-but damn the costume was pure gold

-you both looked amazing and he even managed to kiss your hand,up to your arm and neck

-just like Gomez kissed his wife every time he had the opportunity

-you both went trick or treating,along with johnny,mark and other members

-then came back to the dorms and ate so many candies

-jaehyun couldn’t help but stare at you every time he had the chance

-and you knew this costume was a perfect match because you could show him how sexy and elegant you were

-taeyong prepared some food for you all and you had few drinks

-told a lot of horror stories and felt like kids again but jaehyun was waiting to go home only to spend more time with you

-“ the food is too hot,I can’t eat it ::( ’’

-you complained while the others turned their heads to look at you especially taeyong who was about to apologize for the food being too hot

-jaehyun: ‘’you’re hot but I’d still eat-“

--he was cut off mid-sentence by taeyong who slammed his hand down on the table

-“ONE MEAL

-“ONE NORMAL FUCKING MEAL JAEHYUN”

-you all started laughing and looked at jaehyun only to see him grinning like a little bitch he is

-you knew how cheeky he can be so you got up and came closer to him to wrap your arms around his neck

-closer to his ear so you can whisper nonsense, that apparently got him happier that you intended

-he was one lucky guy for sure

-and the Halloween was once again one of his favorite holidays

 Jungwoo

 -Jungwoo wanted something cute this year

-he was very excited to show you what costumes he prepared for you both

- he kept saying it was a surprise and told you not to prepare anything cause he will handle it

- so while you were preparing the candies for the kids, he snuck up on you and covered your eyes

- you could’ve sworn you felt something fluffy covering your face

- you touched his arms and tried to feel it

- and realized he was wearing paws

- ???

- “babe what are you-“

- he cut you off and turned you around to face him

- he was wearing a big Snoopy costume,with a red bowtie as well

- you felt yourself dying of cuteness

- because now you had THE actual snoopy as your boyfriend

- a bit weird but CUTE ok cute

- “do you like it?? the red bowtie is part of the costume so we could match”

- you looked at him all smiles

- his eyes were sparkling just like a puppy’s :,(

- He grabbed your hand and took you to your bedroom to show your costume

- it was the same snoopy costume but you had a red ribbon on top of your head

- you were excited to try it on

- and when you showed him the costume, he gently approached you to kiss your forehead

- “aren’t we the cutest?”

- after that, he helped you give sweets to trick-or-treaters and so many kids were in awe when they saw you two

- you took pictures to send to his family

- and in the end, you two ended up falling asleep

- cuddling on the couch surrounded by the candies left because you weren’t very active this year

- but still had a great time

  Mark

 -This year mark wanted it different

-he didn’t only wanted to crave pumpkins or go trick or treating

-he needed a break from every exhausting activity because being and idol

-and well,,

-being mOrk

-he was tired and needed an escape from that solicitant lifestyle

-he surprised you one day with a small trip to an orchard outside of Seoul

-you were so excited because you knew the weather was going to be in your favor

-plus you knew mark was a nonconformist and he wanted to make the time spent w you very special

-like every time

-such a cutie oml pls-

-you two took the train till there,admiring the view from the empty cabin you were in

-he was holding you close and your hand all the time

- occasionally he kissed the top of it

-but you always turned to give him a quick peck on his sweet lips

-you liked to see him all giggly and shy,rubbing his hand behind his head

-when you arrived there,you were accompanied by a guide

-showing you around the orchard

-you were so excited while looking around,looking at the different colors of the apples

-mark grabbed two baskets and offered to help you pick few red and beautiful apples

-you were picking them and from time to time you felt mark’s gaze on your body and smiled

-while he was distracted, you snuck up behind him only to see him startle

-you giggled when he picked you up,spinning you around

-only to leave a sweet kiss on your nose and lips

-after the apple picking,you went to a café that was only few miles away from the orchard

-ate apples on the way because you were a bit tired and very hungry lol

-at this cute café,you two spent some time chatting and just staring at each other

-because you were both cute little hopeless romantics <333

 Haechan

 -Haechan was actually going to lazy around that day but nope

-you dragged him out of the bed

-telling him you want to crave pumpkins because otherwise

-you will bite his ass

-he gave you the most shocked look

-then managed to laugh

-“I wouldn’t mind,just bite the corner,,just a small bite”

-you rolled your eyes and puffed air from your nose pretending to get mad

-you walked out of the room and grabbed your coat and the car keys

-“yeah right then I’m going to buy the pumpkins myself”

-he came after you giggling and insisting it was a joke

-but you knew and were obvs trying not to smile

-he was a sucker for your pouty face so he loved pissing you off

-little cute shit

-you finally arrived at the local market and bought two big pumpkins

-so orange and tasty

-haechan took a tiny pumpkin and said he’s going to make it your child

-“haechan I’m not gonna shove a knife into our kid,don’t name it!”

-he knew if he names an object and something bad happens to it

-you get attached to it and get sad

-so in the end he didn’t name it but still got it home

-at home,you tried to look on pinterest for craving ideas

-and haechan laughed cause that was silly

-“cmon babe are you seriously looking that on the internet? Just do- *stabs the pumpkin in the middle and cuts out the lid* -this”

-he looks at you with a smile on his face and you just stand there

-bamboozled

-like “I’m really dating a gemini huh”

-you try to cut your pumpkin but the skin was too hard

-and managed to drop the knife out of your hands with a loud bump on the floor

-haechan literally jumped thinking you cut yourself but you were just standing there,,

-bbq sauce on your tidd-

-jk jk

-you were standing there looking at the guts spilled all over the floor

-you sighed but haechan gave you a hug

-“you clumsy baby,gotta be careful. Let me do it for you,,you just scoop what’s left from the inside”

-and you did as he said a bit disappointed that he took the hard work

-even tho you wanted to show him you don’t need help

-but he knew you were an independent person anyway

-that’s what he loved about you actually

-after you were done with cravings,it was the tiny pumpkin’s turn to be cut

-you and haechan just turned to look at each other and he saw you giving him a trembling bottom lip

-“we can’t cut it baaabeee…” you whined

-“okay then just ..let’s draw a cool face on it,no harm”

-you agreed because obvs you couldn’t cut the child you had with him pff

-you took the marker and drew a caricature of your bf on it

-before showing it to him,you covered his eyes and suggested him to sit on the couch for few moments

-he was wondering what you were doing

-after a while you led him,eyes still closed,to the fireplace where you placed the pumpkins

-he opened his eyes and saw the tiny pumpkin standing between the bigger ones

-“see,these two are us and the tiny one is the kid”

-he gave you a look,his eyebrows rised but then laughed

-he hugged you and gave you a small kiss

-he then looked at the bigger pumpkins and stated nodding

-“damn we’re kinda ugly ngl”

taglist: @peachyhan​  --(who wants to be in the tag list,lmk!!)

[thanxxskz]

hello!!! I don’t really know if you’re still taking requests but I just wanted to ask could you do a stray kids reaction to you being insecure about being taller then them please? i’m like as tall as Hyunjin and it’s a blessing and curse at the same time T-T If you do, do this I just want to thank you 🥺❤️

hi! here you have it! sorry i took so long t.t

---

stray kids reaction to you being insecure of being taller than them

chris

he wasn't that tall, but didn't mind if you were taller than him. to him, that was something cute, and it wasn't as if you were three heads taller... just a bit.

one day he saw you looking at pictures of the both of you, murmuring something he couldn't understand. then, he heard you "i hate being so tall" and he immediately run and jumped on the bed.

"what did you just say?" he stared "please, don't say that again, okay? do you see me complaining? no, right?"

"but when people see us... they look at me"

"that's because you're beautiful, y/n. it doesn't matter if you're taller than me or not, the only thing that matters is that we love each other"

minho

"i swear to god, if you say that once again, i'm gonna crush you"

you looked at him, wide eyed. you hadn't said anything.

"i know what you're thinking. you have been looking at me non-stop for the last fifteen minutes. stop comparing our heights"

he hugged you "i'm sorry, minho, you know how insecure about it i am"

"don't be, baby. you're precious and shouldn't be ashamed of anything"

changbin

"changbin, do you ever feel bad that i'm slightly taller than you?"

he looked at you and shook his head "why are you asking? do you feel bad about your height?"

you nodded "i just feel like you aren't comfortable about it, i don't know"

"y/n, if i felt uncomfortable, do you think i'd be dating you? honestly" you said no "that's right, now shut up and come cuddle me"

hyunjin

okay, so you weren't that much taller than hyunjin, but a bit. for hyunjin this was awesome and he was so happy. he'd always been the tallest, and now he had someone that was his same height (or a bit taller).

for you, this was a curse. you were taller than him, and you didn't know how to feel about it. you talked about it with your best friend.

"if he hasn't said anything, then he doesn't care because he loves you"

he overheard you talking to your friend and decided to gift you something. the next day, you came into your room and found a small box on the bed.

"your friend's right. i don't care because i love you"

in the box, there was a pic of both of you.

jisung

he never had a partner taller than him, and honestly he never really paid attention to that. you could say he was oblivious to that. when you both first met, your friends used to tell you that he wouldn't date you because you were taller than him; that didn't stop jisung from falling for you.

"you know, y/n, when your friends told you i wouldn't ever date you because of your height? i'm glad you defended me and said i wasn't like that. i'm even more glad that you stopped talking to them. fuck that negativity they brought to your life"

he knew how insecure you were due to that one comment your ex friends once said, so he always liked to make sure you never were insecure.

felix

felix liked that you were taller than him because that way he had the best excuse to be the Little spoon without having to pout for it.

even though you were insecure about your height, and he was well aware of it, this small gestures from him made you so happy.

"thank you for taking care of me like this, knowing how i feel"

"always, baby" he said

seungmin

his words were harsh. he knew it. but he had tried being soft about this topic with you, and you didn't seem to learn once and for all that you being taller than him wasn't an issue and never was.

the only option he had left was being a bit harsh on you.

"y/n, you should not care about what others around you say. the only thing that should matter in our relationship is our opinions, not some opinion from someone stupid. i love you, with everything you've got."

you hugged him, tearing up. not because he had been harsh on you, but because he just spoke the truth. your relationship was yours.

jeongin

this baby wouldn't care at all. maybe at first he was a bit self-conscious about the difference in your height, and because he probably had always pictured his significant other being shorter than him.

it had actually bugged him once, and being the youngest, he came to the oldest for advice, telling chan how he had been feeling lately.

"jeonginnie, it's normal for you to feel like this. but let me ask you- is this an actual problem that affects your relationship? does it hurt you somehow that y/n is taller than you? have you ever thought about the fact that this may be bugging y/n too?"

he thought long and hard about it, and came to the conclusion that no, your height wasn't a problem at all. the problem was his, that was creating a whole story inside his head because of a head-canon he had since he was young.

"y/n... can we talk about something?" you nodded "is the difference in our heights something that bugs you? in any way?"

you answered that yes. because he was shorter than you, you thought that he maybe was embarrassed of you.

"no! never! y/n, don't even think that" he said, quickly. he also told you what he talked with chan about "i only thought about me but i promise that it's not a problem at all, i love you for you, and i hope this doesn't make this relationship go down the drain" he said, while hugging you

---

[phoenixyfriend]

The Catboy Valois AU

This one is a little cursed, and inspired by this Totally Spies post.

This AU does contain some nsfw content, which I will place at the end of the post and mark for (it’s right after the dog pics). Once again, this was brainstormed on the GG server, back in October of 2019. Biggest contributor other than myself was @atagotiak​.

So I decided that, at some point, I need to see one of those inexplicable and very horny modern catpeople AUs.

Where a fraction of the population just happens to have cat ears and tails etc. for... minimal reason.

Tarvek def has them. Bc twink. Sticking to the tropes, you know.

All the Valois are catpeople because most of history didn't have the option of interbreeding, just coexisting. Something something sterile hybrids because chromosomes.

Andronicus Valois, Catboy King

Lucrezia was full human and Aaronev never had a chance.

"Most of history" because recently they scienced up ways to get around it, so there are catperson/human hybrids, like Gil and Zeetha (Klaus is human, Zanta is not).

Klaus is kinda glad Gil has cat ears bc this makes people automatically assume he can’t be the dad even if they realize it’s technically possible.

This means Agatha gets her boys.

The human (Lars), the hybrid (Gil), and the cat (Tarvek).

Anevka's initial robot body doesn't have the cat features just due to the fact that Tarvek was aiming for Bare Minimum, and then when he added them in later she decided she liked being able to pick when she had them.

I am morally obligated to reblog the callout art @mercurialvoid​ did for me a few years ago.

We’re not gonna talk about that, though.

human Othar/catgirl Anevka

SCENT MARKING

It's considered Undignified but everyone still DOES it, just... discreetly.

Agatha thinks nothing of it when Zeetha rubs their cheeks together while training and then someone looks at her funny and asks if that's her girlfriend or something.

And Agatha Realizes that she's currently got Belongs-to-Zeetha scent on her and has to scramble to explain that Zeetha kind of adopted her as a little sister because it's the closest approximation she can come up with that still has Acceptable Connotations.

I think platonic marking is a THING but mostly within families, children, and really close female friends, like holding hands. (Toxic masculinity does apply.)

And kolee-zumil is effectively family relationship.

Agatha can't SMELL the scent markings but she gets used to them.

Also like. There's probably different levels of scent marking depending on the body part. Wrists and cheeks are different.

Jagers that used to be catboys have better senses of smell, and are the ones sent to find a Heterodyne.

Agatha and Lars make out but don't go all the way because Agatha is not ready. (Meanwhile, Zeetha can literally smell how horny these dumb kids are.)

TINY BABY GILVEK FACE NUZZLES WHILE STILL ON CW:

(Imagine how much more dangerous the baby gilvek airship-exploring shenanigans would be given one is a catboy and the other is half catboy.)

Gil just kinda scent marks on literally everything/everyone. The boy is affection-starved well into adulthood. He probably purrs too. And purring is probably considered kinda undignified.

Tarvek purrs when he’s designing clothes in his head. He’s embarrassed when he realizes. Everyone thinks it’s cute tho.

Also when crafting super-complicated diabolical plans.

Purring isn’t very diabolical. So it’s embarrassing and doesn’t fit with the aesthetic at all.

It’s hard to do an evil scheme while being an image-conscious catboy.

Gil only. Sort of knows how to cat. He's not very good at it. Zulenna helped but...

Is Von Pinn a cat? Gut says yes. Though it makes it less likely she'd be mistaken for Lu as the students did, but hey! She’d appreciate that.

She probably wouldn’t know how to cat.

Or maybe she would, given we’re assuming hereditary and she was made for Andronicus... She probably knows a bit abt how to tell other people how to cat, but she doesn’t know how to cat herself.

The Muses... not designed to look like catpeople. Ruined the minimalist bodies RVR was going for, going by canon's lack of consistent ears or noses

Agatha does not realize at first that Von-Pinn is a cat-lady because her ears match her hair and every time she sees Agatha her ears go back, and the tail is hidden under the hobble dress.

Otilia is very happy to go from catwoman body to Giant Metal Cat body

KITTY BANGLADESH DUPREE

She's got a faint pattern to her fur that's, on closer inspection, very much indicating she's a PANTHER.

Consider: Tarvek starts working himself up into a frenzied panic and the nearest Trusted Person starts petting him to calm him down and he like. Melts.

TBH tho, a good portion of canon Tarvek’s behaviour can already be described as “cat does something stupid and immediately after attempts to pretend he has dignity even though everyone saw the stupid thing.”

Once Tarvek calms down... Lazy Cat Time.

OH

NECK PINCH

CH would be ecstatic that Agatha snagged two suitors, then swing around to devastated that they’re both catboys, and maybe delusional enough to attempt to cut the ears/tails off like that’d solve anything then come around to “well there’s always science” once it’s fixed.

All Valois have high necks on their outfits, at least at the back

So nobody tries to Deactivate The Cat

(One less thing for Anevka to worry about.)

Because, you know. Canon decided to cut Agatha in half to acquire an heir, so we can’t exactly say the Castle is all that sensible.

It does calm down once Agatha mentions she has Lars, though.

Per @lyratalus​: Krosp could be... so much more dangerous in this AU. What if he was designed to be emperor of all catpeople?

Cats never do what they're told anyways, and you can’t really control people without wasps, but the attempt was made! Vapnoople was ambitious!

Long story short, there's a spark of Something but then they just bat him off the table.

Imagine Seffie making Martellus Stop by deactivating the cat

Violetta is the cutest lil catgirl...

SHE GETS REALLY BRISTLEY WHEN SHE'S MAD

HE'S NOT A TWINK AND IT'S WEIRD. Not even a twunk???

Martellus is

So fucking ODD for a catboy

Like it HAPPENS but it means that human women are more likely to find him attractive than catgirls (and even that's a bit of a long shot on the basis of personality).

(Gil excused from the catboys-are-twink-to-twunk rule on the basis of being half human, and his dad being Basically A Wall.)

That said, for Andy I’m gonna go with "buff as fuck but sooooooo charismatic that all the catgirls, and human girls, flocked to him anyway."

So that’s at least two Bara catboys in this AU

Tarvek is canonically more or less the same size/shape as Gil, but... in my heart, Tarvek’s a twunk. He’s got muscle but he's not AS big, and he's got intense Twink energy, especially since Tarvek actually is queer.

(And they're both straight so they're not even technically bara, just Buff.)

(Not twinks either but...)

(Twink is a fun word.)

Colette is human and Seffie isn't but they'd need science for babies ANYWAY so who cares? It's a lot of Seffie laying her head in Colette's lap and purring as she falls asleep because Colette just keeps petting her.

Catboy Martellus still makes sparkhound shapeshifters. He's a catperson...  but he's still a Dog Person.

Martellus and his dynamic with the sparkhounds:

He loves them, they love him. But they’re embarrassing sometimes.

THIS MARKS THE BEGINNING OF THE NSFW CONTENT

ANYWAY back to the point, which is that a lot of these catperson AUs are just... really super horny.

Which is valid.

Ears are technically erogenous zones for everyone but for the cat people... it's a Lot. It's also not like. Inherently sexual? But it can be. Like spooning. It feels nice ALWAYS but with the right person it's also HORNY.  Or like brushing someone else's hair. 

Ear rubs and headpats that result in like, intense sensation? Good actually.

Also I’m declaring that catpeople have heats. Or at least like. Heightened mating seasons? Extra horny times.

So you have Agatha and Lars normal, Gil kinda horny and confused, and Tarvek rubbing himself against the nearest spouse in hopes that someone's going to fuck the living daylights out of him.

Valois probably take suppressing things as a matter of course bc it’s hard to stay alert to assassination attempts when overwhelmingly horny. When Tarvek deliberately forgoes them eventually, everyone is touched by how much trust it shows.

Without suppressants, the horny is either something you can cope with or something that is intense but comes in Very brief periods. Either one day a month, or a week twice a year? Something like that.

Honestly though, imagine if Gil tried to hide being a catperson for the sake of the Empire or some nonsense, and had to just suffer when in heat?

Agatha likes to watch the boys go at it because there's something about Fangs On Neck that's super pleasurable for cat people and she can't provide that for Tarvek but Gil certainly can.

Bonding marks aren't a thing but possessive biting is.

(Since birth control is so easily accessed in GG, I feel like Lu’s opinion of catboys would be a super gross objectifying thing.)

(Which. Yeah.)

(Lucrezia basically has that opinion on any man in canon that isn’t immediately useful to her for science reasons.)

[facepalming-since-chernobyl]

If you ever want to write a full account of your hospital stay, I'm so here for it. I want it all: the farts, the grannies, the fighting over windows, the other weirdos, why you want to murder the doctor and how your fam will help you get away with it, the works. Start writing while I grab the popcorn! 🍿

Ok, don’t remember what I have said here already, so I’ll give a full story plus some flashbacks from my childhood.

-I got 4 grannies in my room, the average age: 65+

-granny number one: ultra Catholic, made a cross on my forehead (I was so shocked, I didn’t say a shit, aside of screaming in my head – woman?! Covid restrictions?! Keep your distance?!), a farmer woman (one day she just said that when she wants a chicken soup, she goes outside, catches the chicken, chops the head and make a soup – the faces of the other grannies - PRICELESS), praying in weird moments, instead of sweat pants, wearing dress shirts and dress pants (and you know, we were doing physical exercises there???), loving dirty jokes and making them A LOT,

-granny number two – tiny old sweet lady (she was like 80 something years old?), usually sitting in the corner or on the balcony and praying silently, she was like Catholic kamikaze, she sometimes was sitting on the balcony and praying for FIVE HOURS, oh, and once shitted her pants

-granny number three – ex school director, Miss Ooooow, Ooooow, came with 2 suitcases and occupied ½ of the wardrobe (for example, I managed to put all my things in my night stand), was very surprised I came with so little clothes and was washing them, was crying when she had to wash her hair because she always goes to hairdresser…

-granny number four – on a wheelchair, my best pal, making her own cigarettes at evenings on the canteen (a place where the meals were served, close to the balcony), as much done with the other ladies as I was,

-our room were filled with weird Turkish soap operas (the first time they turned the television on some Mahmud wanted to kill some Bahar and the dialogues were so cringy I had to check if it was a real show and surprisingly it was). Every day after I was evacuating my ass to the canteen or to the balcony where I was reading (I’ve finished 19 books and my ass still hurts because of the fucking hard chairs).

-if it was not a Turkish soap opera, it was Polish News on the public channel (Imagine FOX news), so every fucking day when it was played, the traitors of Polishness and Polish tradition and the only good ruling party like me, were gathering in the canteen. We were like a few folks (me, the granny number 4 and some dude doing crosswords and having super high blood pressure, mostly because all dudes from his room were watching the news and agreeing with everything what was said there)

-food, examples

-so I was not eating too much, so granny number one made a cross on my forehead and blessed me, so I would eat more and have a strength to give birth to children – I shit you not

-when I said I don’t want children – they almost had a collective heart attack. I decided to not reveal my other social, religion and political opinions, because I would be strangled to death in my sleep by a rosary one night

-one day I was stupid too much and didn’t leave the room while they were watching Polish Fox News and while half listening to the bullshit I probably made a fuck-my-life-face. When they ask what I was thinking about, my, a fucking idiot, said that about the vanity of life. They almost got another collective heart attack and almost ran to the nurses, no idea why but whatever

-Granny number 3, was afraid of other people snoring, because she had problems with sleep. In the end she was the one who snored the loudest

-there was an opening/closing the windows war. Granny 1 had sick lungs and asthma and whatever so was always closing the window because she was getting pneumonia and oh my god, while Granny 3 had problems with breathing, was suffocating and oh my God, so she was always opening the window. Granny number 3 was always opening the window while other already left for the meals, while Granny number 1 was always returning first and complaining SOMEONE was trying to kill her with the cold air and closing the windows. HILAROUS stuff

-on the end of the first week I ACCIDENTALLY broke a small window that was situated on the top, a window that supposedly was not meant to be open, so for the next 2 weeks we had a window opened ALL the time. Don’t ask why no one called some dudes to fix it, I have no idea, but thanks to it I survived the nights full of symphonies of farts

-that one day they gave us beans for the dinner and boy, you can only imagine

-one day we got a meat chops with a crispy batter. If you added the batter on the bottom to the batter on the top of the meat, they were thicker than meat itself

-all soups tasted the same. One day they gave us a soup and I was SURE it was a pickled cucumber soup and I was AMAZED that they managed to make it without cucumbers. Then I have learnt it was a sorrel soup *sad music in the background*

-the grannies loved to motherhen me for some reason. For example, I was sitting politely in the canteen, reading another fucking book, when one of them came and said I should not read so much, it’s unhealthy and they are worried about me. I was blinking for 30 seconds, wondering if laughing like a mad hyena would make them having another collective heart attack. In the end I just mhm-ed and continued reading.

-later I have learnt they were behaving like that, because they thought I was in middle school…

-basically, I was the youngest person on the ward and some nurses and other patients felt sorry for me because I didn’t have anyone in my age to talk… and I was like… why the fuck I should have been feeling sad? I could read and NOT TALK??? Also, or reading or murdering the grannies with a plastic spoon in their sleep, so thank you very much, leave my ass alone.

-on one dinner I basically ate pasta with pepper, because the spinach, guys, the spinach was awful and I’m not going to traumatize you with the pic

-I had a deal with the crosswords dude during breakfasts and suppers – was giving him ham and cold meat, he was giving me jam

-the Granny number one was SLEEP SINGING one night

-two days per every week some farmer was coming and selling his vegetables and fruits. Guys, all patients were buying food there, for sure I was weeping while buying plums, apples and tomatoes.

-Granny number three was super annoying and acting like a bitch aka typical ex school director, because when she wanted to watch something in TV at night, she always did even if the others were upset, but when she wanted to go to sleep at 9 she owww owwww owwwwed and was turning the lights off. So, sometimes I was returning at 9 to the room and it was dark. And there were no night bedside lamps, so it meant you needed to go to sleep too. At fucking 9.

-the face of one dude who was eating with us on one table was always priceless every time when he was opening the boxes. It was a personification of a man who was done, crying inside and knowing he can’t escape

-the most traumatizing experience after my hip surgery was PEEING. The nurse brought me a bed pan and I needed to pee while laying on my back and it was weirdly difficult, maybe because the nurse was standing over me, talking to another patient. Also, I can’t imagine taking a shit while laying, but whatever. On one moment after like a minute me trying hard, she put a hand on my stomach and said, oh so hard. My face was probably a mix between: ==’ and O.O. But in the end I succeeded, yay…

-another traumatizing experience is measuring the temperature every morning around 6. You know, you are sleeping, but suddenly feel some movement, so you open your eyes and a nurse, wearing a mask is aiming a thermometer that looks like a gun at your forehead. Amazing feeling

-I talked with some dude who had the same surgery aka hip removal, but he was not sleeping so he herd everything, and said how blood was gushing all over the place and the surgeons and the nurse was bringing the artificial hips three times, because the surgeons were not sure if they are the good ones. FUN

-btw, the first time when I saw a dead body was in a hospital. There was a ward where one room was for children, the rest was for adults after accidents etc. Sometimes someone died and they were usually putting the dead body to the bathroom on the corridor (no toilets at the rooms, it was one of the two bathrooms for whole ward). They usually put an “out of service” paper on the door, but sometimes they forgot about it. So, one night, me, sleepy and yawning went to the toilet, opened the door and hellooooooooooo the end of my innocence.

-the most stressful experience from my childhood hospital stayings was “did you defecate yesterday”? Because if you didn’t for a few days an enema was waiting

[zhuilingyizhen]

social media + the juniors✨

oyzi can’t believe i haven’t done this yet. gonna be doing them by app & not by junior this time cause my memory is shit. :)

// youtube //

i won’t go too in depth with the youtuber au (unless y’all want me to in a separate post?? I think I’ve done it already but y’all can ask ig) & their individual channels so i’m gonna talk about their shared channel. 

i realize that they can be called the juniorz if they’re all juniors in hs and even after they graduated the name stuck, so... yeah

their vlog/shared channel pretty much documents their friendship (we appreciate good platonic relationships) + have many guest appearances from other friends & family.

they post collabs w/ all four of them on the shared channel, though they also have a series of movie/book/other media reviews, which is really just jl nitpicking everything.

sizhui has a series where he discusses chinese & canto dramas!! he does the videos in mandarin (or cantonese if it’s a hk drama) and adds english subtitles

honestly sizhui can cater to such a wide audience bc of his music that it’s amazing

the juniors started a parody/crack band (oyzz & the boyz, as @yoitsamy put it) but it ended up being good?? and popular??

jingyi’s singing talent + sizhui’s musical prowess honestly carries them

the lans have done legendary covers together while jl and oyzz are just reveling in it all

they have an ongoing joke where they make jl buy them stuff except it’s not a joke bc he does it

shit i delved into youtuber au territory too much, time for other social media stuff

// snapchat //

i knew i should have done tiktok or instagram first but i have no idea how tik tok even works so snapchat it is

so jingyi is the one who has like a billion stories, but he uses four main ones: our story, my story (basically everyone he has a personal connection to/acquaintances and some og fans), story for close friends and family, and a story for just the juniors. they all have obnoxious names too, but jingyi changes them so much that nobody has no idea what they’re doing.

jl and ljy have a 284 day streak purely bc of their competitiveness. lsz and ljy will sometimes accidentally start streaks but lsz doesn’t purposely send them. 

he has the poop emoji next to all of his best friends on there, but jl is his #1 Best Friend cause of the streaks. plus, the juniors don’t really use snapchat. oyzz has it for the filters but it isn’t public knowledge.

// tik tok //

oh dear me. honestly, i would’ve preferred to do reddit or ao3 than this one (are they even considered social media?? i don’t think so but i will have to do a post w/ ljy and oyzz’s fanfiction writing habits.)

oyzz doesn’t use tik tok at all, he doesn’t understand it. jl doesn’t use it either, but refuses to admit that he doesn’t get it and instead just says that it’s stupid.

uhhh jingyi has an acnh tik tok. like. gaming stuff, but it’s mostly him doing acnh stuff.

he also gushes over cute villagers bc he’s jingyi. like, what would you expect??

sizhui probably has tik tok to like all of jingyi’s posts but doesn’t use it himself lol

// instagram //

jingyi posts consist mostly of cute selfies of him and sizhui. honestly their shippers are spoon-fed content cause of jingyi’s obliviousness (he doesn’t realize that he’s practically dating sizhui, at least to the internet)

oyzz has a lot of aesthetically pleasing stuff. pictures of his plants, rays of sun on literally anything, a random cat. it’s not even his cat, where did he get the cat-

jl uses insta to mostly post pictures of himself, like some people do. his look the most professional though, if that makes sense. like if he’s gonna post something, it has to be at his best. cute fairy photos? check. slight makeup? hair done up? vibrant colors/background? lighting? check check check check.

he also has an instagram for fairy, bc fairy deserves nice things. most people chalk up his perfectionism in pictures as him being narcissistic, but jl grew up being relatively famous (their family probably had a reality tv show like kuwtk lol), so he takes social media quite seriously.

sizhui posts food pics and candid photos of the other juniors. it’s basically shipping central, w/ all the adorable posts lsz has.

// twitter //

don’t feel like talking bout it, so here & here

[deluxedolans]

YES YES YES do that chivalrous traditional boyfriend Grayson pwease🤧🥺👉👈

hi baby! :))) thank you so much for sending this in! i hope you’re having a happy sunday 💙

- grayson insists on paying for you no mather what. you almost never go dutch because he’s “gotta be a gentleman, babe.”

- grayson always warms your car up for you in the morning since he’s almost always up before you.

- grayson always texts your mom and siblings to ask what to get your for your birthday/holidays. he’s such a family oriented guy (as we all know) and he loves being close with your family, too. he wants them to know how much he loves you and how he’s really in it for the long haul and makes every effort to do that when he’s buying your gifts and consults them about it.

- takes candids of you and posts them to his snap story with cheesy-ass captions all the time.

- a video of you in his shirt and sweatpants writing a paper, caption: my girl is smarter than me and looks better in my clothes...can i just have ONE THING???

- a pic of you asleep on his chest on the couch in the middle of a movie, caption: she lasted appropriately 9 minutes into shawshank redemption before sleeping beauty KO’d

- a video of you dressed up to go to a work party, and grayson whistling as he films you, the fire alarm malfunctioned and is blaring in the background. you’re trying to make it stop as you stand on a stool, pressing all of its buttons while grayson whistles and hollers in the background, caption: the fire alarm went off because @youruser is such a fucking smoke show

- always hits you with that super cheesey: “good morning, text me when you’re up, beautiful ♥️” text whenever he has to get up and go before you

- always asks you what’re reading whenever you’re doing schoolwork; grayson has this lingering insecurity that you’ll think he’s dumb because you’re in school and he’s not, even though you FAR from think that. he always wants to show you that he cares about your education, thinks you’re brilliant and is willing to learn about whatever you’re passionate about.

- loves when you sit on his face. whenever you’re on top he can never resist lifting you off his dick for a bit to eat you out. loves watching your face as you cum and feeling your legs shake. he loves making you feel like you’re on top of the world, basically.

- further into your relationship he texts you funny/cute videos of babies. that’s his way of hinting at saying, “can’t wait to take cute videos of our babies.”

- way later homeboy just straight up exposes himself when you’re texting about baby names back and forth, gray ends up sending you a list from his notes of baby names. he knows it’s girly and stupid and cheesey, but he doesn’t care because he wants you to know how serious he is about you and the life you share together.

- when you guys fall asleep he loves being the big spoon. when you’re doing literally anything else hes the biggest baby and loves being the little spoon. grayson is a big fan of your lightly scratching his chest as he lays his head in your lap.

- when he drops you off somewhere, he always waits til you get into whatever building you’re going to to make sure you got in safe.

- he gushes to cam and his mom about you constantly. always tells them how he can’t wait to give you a ring and for his mom to do your hair for your wedding. he always hypes you up to cam and says how excited he is for when she comes down next so the four of you can hang out. and gray always gushes to ethan; that’s a given.

- when you cry grayson literally begs you to stop because it breaks his heart. he of course comforts you and holds you but it’s a lot, “please don’t cry, babe, fucking hate seeing you so upset. you’re breaking my heart, angel.” he knows it’s selfish of him because you need to release your pent up emotions but he HATES seeing you so upset.

- loves taking you to family parties and watching you interact with everyone in his family. loves watching you make jokes with ethan and their cousins. loves watching his grandfathers tease you about you being too good for their little rascal grandson. lOVES seeing you play with his little cousins who insist on following you around the whole night and holding your hand. makes his heart full because he can’t wait to do that forever with you.

[bellismaperry]

TIME COPS [loki fanfic]

NOTES: sup my dudes. this idea for this fanfic has been on my mind since the pictures of Loki as TVA agent were shown. my grammar is not very good my first language is not english but spanish. so if you see a mistake i’m sorry i’ll keep learning as i go. I hope you guys love this story and have a great escape as we wait for that loki trailer and new set pics!! any way enjoy!! Let me know if you want to be tagged for the next chapter!!. <3

SUMMERY: when a witch named sabina is partner with god of mischief to save what we call time. things can only get better or worse. in this case it can be the unknown.

WARNINGS: swearing, mention of blood, death and choking

**PAIRINGS: **loki x main character

**------------------------------------------------------------------ **

**CHAPTER ONE - THE OFFICE **

the cup of coffee that warms my hands and take sips of it as i look around what this people calls office. this place is insane. its like Costco warehouse in drugs. what they do here its not sales or marketing. this is something you see out of a movie

in each desk there was a person with a computer on which they had a case on. you would see them typing like maniacs. In a normal thinking you thought they were working on reports or run downs. But no. they were in fact saving time and keeping it in order. you may ask, where were they when thanos snapped his fingers and half of the universe turned into ash. well same question i have. and i did ask when i was questioned as when i was brought in. the respond that i got was a simple “time will tell”. All this time related shit is staring to annoy me. real hard.

I’m doing what we call in earth community service. i didn’t commit any type of crime whats so ever. i’m here cause the dick bag of my dad decided he was some type of thanos wanna be and tried to mess with dark power and messed up time. now, they couldn’t get there hands on him since he clothed himself so they got the next big thing, me. yay. iv’e never met the man, he left mom and me when i was three years old. not even a photograph i have. yet they think that i can be a tool on bringing him in. i personally don’t know were the accusing me of his crimes fits in you’re going to help us bring him in. but when you see the things they can do with just a wave of their hand. you will comply.

so i sit in my sad desk. my computer is shut down, they yet given me a case. it’s been over a month since been here. all i do is sip my coffee and see my surrounding, i can’t use my magic, the silver bracelet in my right wrist is the cause of that. well here i can’t use it. but in the ‘apartment’ they gave me i can. its the only time i’m bored to death. i only sleep 2 hours if i’m being honest, if i can find my dad faster than they can, then the faster i can get out here and forget all of this. I tried every location spell i know of memory and none were successful. the scars in my hand of the many times i had to cut my hand for blood its stupid. but you are forced out in the way i was and put here to listen and comply like a dog then you will too do anything you can to get out of here. what ever spell he used to hide is a really damn good one. but without my book of shadows theres not many things i can do.

right now it was 12 of clock. in which indicates lunch time. theres a cafeteria were all the employe’s go to eat lunch. i for one enjoy going to lunch. its the onetime where i’m not bored. plus in the month that i have been here i have made a friend. Carlos is a tan guy with brown eyes and hair with glasses. he is funny and occasionally a little paranoid. he was the only one who sat with me in my fist day here. now we laugh about the stupid things people do here and all. the good gossip about who had sex with who.

i sit down on my usual table and Carlos comes with his tray of food. “hey sab, how was you’re day is going”

I sigh and start playing the jello i had in my cup. “same old same old. bored to death and no case it all. you know i’m starting to think that all of this community service is a bunch of bullshit. how can you not made me do anything but drink coffee for a whole month.”

Carlo nods “it is fishy. did you ask commander about it?”

“i did and he said. that soon he will have a task for me and that for now enjoy my free time. whatever that means.”

commander was like the manager here. he orders us around and set the missions or cases. he was the one who questioned me when i got here. blue eyes blonde hair and pedo mustache. the boss, is unknown. no ones knows who he is, or has ever seen them only commander.

Carlos looks to his sides and leans over the table “ I wasn’t going to tell you until i confirmed it was official. but what you just said confirmed it. that soon can be as early as tomorrow. I heard from special forces they have a big mission two hours from now. the orders is to maintain and obtain. and according to my friend what ever they obtain there going to give it to you. its something about you have some same abilities like the thing there were going to obtain”

i lick my lips “ are you sure about that”

he nods. whatever they were going to obtain was magical for sure. something that has same abilities as me? what that could possibly be.

“then i guess i have to prepare” i say as i take of spoonful of the jello and eat it.

“sab please promise me that you will actually sleep more than two hours. you will need you’re strength for whatever this is.” carlo pleads.

i shake my head. “I can’t promise you that. I’m going to do one last location spell with a combination of a reverse cloaking spell. I think this time will work”

“can’t you do that the day after tomorrow. you need to sleep sab and to top all you will need use you’re magic for whatever their going to give you. if you don’t have strength you could die of that over using power” he worries

“don’t you think i know that. I have studied this since i can talk. i know what i’m doing. I need to do this tonight, i don’t if i’m going to be able after they give the task. I promise after this no more.” i take his hand and squeeze it. he cares for me and i for him. he’s the only person who has helped me here. Carlos is like brother to me people like him don’t come often.

“you better sab. I worry for you and you know that” he says with still worries in his eyes.

I smile and let of his hand. “ I know”

**At the apartment **

i sit down at the floor with candle’s around me and map of the world infront of me. i take a knife and slide it across my palm as i let the blood drip on the map, i close my eyes and start my chant. Phasmatos Tribum Nas Ex Veras, Sequita Saguine, Ementas Asten Mihan Ega Petous .

i open my eyes and i see that my blood has not moved it all. I shake my head and try again but the form with of the cloaking spell. I close my eyes once again i take a deep breath and start to chant once again _Phasmatos Tribum Nas Transmata Evo Notus Victus, Pellis Tinctura, Invidium Cala Mactus Sequita Saguine, Ementas Asten Mihan Ega Petous _

once again i open my eyes and i see nothing has happen. “AHH” I yell as i trow one of the candles against the wall. i have tried everything i know by memory. if i can’t find him with my own blood how in the hell they are going to find him. I’m tired of being here. its sad and dark. No windows, only a tv and two rooms a bathroom and a kitchen. i miss my grandma, i miss my life. i’m being used like pawn until they find use of me. I hate it. I hate it so much.

i get up from the floor to walk over to bathroom and clean the new wound i have in my palm. as i clean the cut i start to think what they could have in store of me in just of couple of hours. if carlos was right and this thing was magical it could help me locate my dead beat of a dad. maybe. i take a towel and dry my hands. I look over to the clock on the wall and it reads 1am. at least i will get five hours of sleep this time...

------

in the morning 

when i woke up, I sit up my bed and looked my self in the mirror. I am tired, but so tired. Carlos was right. I couldn’t have done that spell i’m way too tired. I walk over to closet and i start putting on the ugly ass uniform they made us wear. who ever told this people that a tie and cream shirt was formal needs to choke on their own spit. I brush my hair and clean my teeth. I move over to the kitchen were i make my self some coffee. 

I hear a knock on my door. I sigh and i walk over to open the door. that knock means that it was time to go to “work”. every morning a suit up guards comes here and escorts me over to the office. honestly i don’t mind it. kinda feels like i’m beyonce or something.

i open the door. “ hey Greg. what’s up” i say taking a sip of my coffee 

greg smiles and “come on, the commander has a task for you”

I tilt my head. “really?” he nods. “yea, so hurry up.”

I nod my head and close the door behind me. Greg was cool. he’s like the bodyguard type like in the princess diaries that kinds feels like a dad figure. also on Fridays he lets me sleep in an hour extra so he’s tight. 

when we arrive to the office and escorted to the commanders office. I open up the door and walk in. the commander looks up to me and smiles.”good morning Sabina. I want you to meet you’re new partner. Mr. Odinson” 

I look over to the chair infront of the desk to see a man stand up and turn around to great me and when i saw that man give that smile, i knew. 

it was the bitch who destroyed mahattan.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope you liked the first chapter of TIME COPS!!. pls give me some feed back and if you want to be tagged for next time i post pls pls tell me. if theres some grammar errors i am so so sorry i am still learning and my first language is not english. 

see you next chapter!!! love you bu’s!! <3

[cyb3r-ph03n1x]

A “quick-ish” dissection and response to “Not all men”

//For context, this first comment (in blue) was my own. I made this response on a post a woman had shared to a group I was in. Her post consisted of a screenshot depicting a message exchange she had experienced, in which a male stranger had began the exchange with “how do you feel about pineapple on pizza?” to which she says “I love it!” and his immediate following response was “Now what about me on top of you?” Sure, looking back on this, the conversation is so sudden and shocking it does elicit a little bit of laughter because of how strange the behavior was. However, this had me thinking a lot on modern behavior and how it seems like sexual innuendos and just the subject of sex is more commonly mentioned in otherwise unrelated discussions and context. In my experience, both online and interpersonally, I have found that the majority of these scenarios are perpetrated by men, in which they would bring up the subject of sex, make a sexual joke etc., in strange contexts, in which the recipient is usually a woman he just met or just started talking to. This is what motivated my response.

So as the day goes on in the world, somewhere in the internet hemisphere, a man within the group had read my comment to this interaction, in which he was insistent in replying to my comment, amongst the hundreds of comments making various statements but all in the same vein of, simply put, “what the fuck?” Okay, context is set. This is quickly going from “quick-ish” to tedious. You’ll find a lot of my posts are like this. Please bear with me. I didn’t feel the need to respond to this man’s comment because ultimately I believed there would be no reasoning. Contextually, it was obvious his mind would not be changed, and any effort on my part to try otherwise would prove to be just wasted energy and lost spoons (Spoonies represent!) Of course, when I say I didn’t feel the need to respond, what I mean to say is “I am honestly raging and am feeling some sort of emotion, and I will most definitely write about it, but I am still an anxious wreck that usually avoids conflict and confrontation at all costs.” Go figure.

So to that unnamed man who I have clearly upset by my words, let me say that I am sorry for causing you distress.

I am well aware that it isn't all men. If it truly were all men, I would have cut off all my male friends, I definitely wouldn't be dating a man, and would have otherwise left them all behind to whatever abyss is available. I haven't. I am usually apprehensive and cautious when it comes to being friends with just about anyone, but especially men, because past experiences have shown me that my trust can easily be taken for granted and my own virtue to see the good in people just leads me to being harmed and sacrificing so much of myself to try and "overlook" the red flags. A story that is all too familiar for many women. The men that are currently in my life, from lifelong friends, mutual friends, to my loving partner, all know that I never mean all men. They also know better than to make a pretentious comeback about "women begging for attention." 

Those "women with no personality begging for attention" happen to be some of the kindest and most beautiful women I know and have encountered. They have a strong worldview and can hold a multitude of conversations better than many people, including the men who have some sexual innuendo to send two messages in to a conversation on a general social media platform. 

Far too many women have had the experience of unsolicited overt sexualization, unwanted advances, unsolicited dick pics, and so many more abhorrent things, at the hands of men. These women also know that statements about men do not usually mean all men. We are aware that it isn't all men. In fact, that's the other thing you've seemed to miss. 

Truly good men understand that while they personally may not act or behave in such a way, they understand that as a whole, there are problems and standards that are perpetuated by and upheld by men that directly affect women and also cause harm to men (toxic masculinity, etc.) 

As Ms. Banks sings, "though we adore men individually, we agree that as a group- they're rather stupid." This brings me to the most important point of all:

It may not be all men, but it's still *too many* men. Too many men with a sense of entitlement to women's bodies and minds. Too many men who view women's confidence and sexuality as a personal affront to them. Too many men acting in violence virtually or physically against women. Too many men on the constant defense men's manhood that they'll apologize and defend a man for anything that is lodged against or spoken about them. Too many men playing "devil's advocate" and "master investigator" when it comes to women coming forward about atrocities committed against them by men. 

The fact that you had to make a comment in my thread trying to tell *me* that it "isn't all men" while making a pathetically misogynistic comparison would suggest to me that the shoe fit you just a little bit too well, or maybe fit too well on someone you know, and so you needed to defend that. And how ironic is it, that in the process of trying to defend your manhood and the manhood of men, you showed yourself to be the exact man I referred to. I believe it is you who should be the one to take a step back. 

Because it may not be all men, but it sure as hell is you.

[hyunjizns]

dating jisung (han)

⤷ han jisung is so cute omg pls this has me soft already

how you started dating

okay okay so basically you two met when jisung was still going to school right

and you guys were really good friends like really good

you’d always go with him to the music room and listen to his raps 

and you’d try to give him as much advice as possible

and whenever he composed a new song or wrote new lyrics you always listened

not gonna lie you also encouraged him to go audition for a company because you knew he would make it big !!

you had faith in your friend because he was just really amazing

and you know what, jisung really appreciated that

he lowkey had a crush on you for the longest time but he just held back because he figured you wouldn’t like him back

clearly this boy could not see all the love and admiration for him in your eyes

so fast forward two years and he's about to debut in this group called stray kids

and your admiration for him grew after watching the survival show, seeing how he tried to help everyone else and all that

so you called him and told him you two had to go out since it had been quite a while since the last time you guys went out

he was pretty busy as a trainee okay

jisung was like sure y/n bby i’m so stressed and i haven’t seen you in forever so this is perfect

and you’re like ofc i’ll treat you out  (つ≧▽≦)つ

so you two go to this lil cafe that you’d always go to back in your school days

and you ordered jisung’s favourite drink for him (ofc you still remembered wtheck)

and then you sat down and talked with jisung for hours, just like the good old days where the two of you would spend every minute you could with each other because you were each other’s back bone and support

jisung really appreciated this and after your little hang he was so smile-y back at the dorm

and all the boys are like ooohhh

and jisung can’t help but to talk about you, a lot

like he just doesn’t shut up

and the boys are like yeah okay he definitely has a crush

but gosh he would never tell you, how frustrating !!

until one day jisung introduces you to the boys and you’re talking to minho

and minho just casually slips it out like 

“y/n, did you know jisung has the hugest crush on you”

this was no accident by the way

and you’re like “what”

was that your face getting hot ???

minho just smirks and pushes you closer to jisung and porr jisung has no idea what had just went t=down

by the time he realised though, the boys were out of sight

he swore he was gonna kill them when he got back

but for now, he was taking your hands in his and taking a deep breath

“yes, minho’s right, i do have the hugest crush on you, every since high school you had always been there for me-”

and you cut him off by kissing him’this time you couldn’t help by smile s wide

“i like you too idiot”

jisung as a boyfriend

okay ladies jisung is basically the most playful that a boyfriend can get

we all know that he is quite the odd one,, like no one does han jisung quite like han jisung does

so that being said y/n, prepare yourself for lots of teasing, weird outbursts and nicknames and a lot of laughter in your relationship

jisung lives for happy y/n and your smile so you better expect lots of stupid jokes and cringy puns

gosh does this boy ever stop??

surprise !

no, no is the answer

tickling is like the main aspect of your relationship

you see those days where you two decide to have a lazy date and watch movies while cuddled up under a blanket ?? expect tickling, like a lot

don’t think that tranquility will last long bc it most definitely will not

the boy just not know how to keep his hands off of you

and sorry to say y/n, but he knows aLl of your most ticklish spots so don’t think that you’re getting away easily

that being said though, you also know all of his most ticklish spots so the competition is fair and even

you both have equal chances at making the other laugh until their tummy hurts

your other dates are usually those “fun” places though

restaurants and sit down dates are not your thing

so amusement parks, water parks, laser tag, etc

you name it, you and jisung have probably done it

even if jisung is a big scaredy cat with everything and screams extra loudly on the rollercoaster

i mean,, going there in the first place was his decision

oh and hanging out with the boys...

pda??? yes

i’m sorry but jisung just does not care

he likes showing you off okay

like “hey guys this is my amazing person”

and guess what ??

y/n is mine and no one else’s

the boys honestly just wanna know how you’ve handled jisung and his ??? personality for so long

like sorry but have you met han jisung?

he loves hugging you in front of the boys and giving you little pecks

and they’re like “gross!!!”

he would literally do anything for your attention and affection

he’s like whining so much and following you around

“y/n”

pouts and puppy eyes

and he’s not gonna stop until you give in because jisung is a task

he also really loves backhugs

backhug = signature jisung move

omg but kisses with jisung are so versatile

like the most common kisses between you two are those cute short pecks with lots of giggling in between

you two love to play games where the prize is a kiss

“y/n lets play rock paper scissors”

“what’s the prize?”

“if i win, you have to kiss me but if you win i have to kiss you”

and you’re just like “ok jisung,,,, that’s literally the same prize”

but of course you go ahead with it

forehead kisses and cheek kisses are not rare in your relationship

especially not cheek kisses because they get jisung all soft on the inside

but if you two are seriously kissing like making out style the kisses are quite messy because you two just can’t help but laugh and be playful

but it’s endearing

jisung actually is a really good kisser and is very much capable, he just prefers things the other way

so if he happens to get serious you better prepare yourself for some next level shit

he’s so t o u c h y

he will always be holding your hand and swinging it or rubbing his thumb on your hand absently

it’s your guys’ trademark okay

cuddling with jisung is another story

this is like his favourite thing to do with you

and omg shh but he really likes to be the little spoon

cuddle conversations can range from teasing you about whatever embarrassing thing you’d done that day to him confiding in you all of his worries about his music or the boys

he really cherishes those days that you get to spend together because y’know he’s pretty busy as an idol

if your relationship were to be revealed he would prefer it to be in like a controlled environment like him admitting at an interview

but NO

he would have done something stupid on vlive like call you baby or be caught on camera doing something intimate

and he’s like !!! oh no

jisung.exe has stopped working

okay but stays are very supportive of you two so yay for you

i mean who could resist the jisung x y/n charm

now as far as couple outfits go, jisung deadass wants you to wear super tight jeans with and all black to pull off that badass concept

and you’re like no way

pls, not everyone likes their blood flow to their legs cut off

but somehow he gets you to agree

y/n if you do, i’ll buy you food

deal

so then you both take a bunch of photos together for your “concept day”

those pics are precious to jisung and he cherishes them and that day

they’re in his favourites :((

he also uses you as inspiration to write songs

you kinda always have been an inspiration to him

so when he composes music for either stray kids or 3racha, you’re like in the back of his mind

if he’s not feeling it, you’re his extra boost of encouragement and confidence 

you mean the entire world to him

but yes you guessed it

jisung is totally, completely and undoubtedly whipped for you

he would literally do anything for you no matter how far out of his way it may be

the boys like to tease him about how whipped he is and he’s like shut up before i unhinge your foors

you guys rarely have arguments and if you do it’s over something dumb

the level of trust in your relationship is unreal

always there for each other

always a shoulder to cry on

everyone should experience your type of relationship at least once :( 

[oogieswife67]

The Duke of Food part 01

Based off a series of drawings I’ve been doing of Rouxls Kaard from Deltarune. Some of the pics will be left out, while others will line up with the story.

Whole story under the cut.

A small jingle of laughter could be heard in the dungeon cell. A small jester in purple and black was sitting cross-legged on the cold, dark cement floor. He didn’t think much about how cold the place was, as his attention was only on the self-appointed Duke of Puzzles. The dark blue man had a small book in hand that he was writing in. He was deep in thought with the latest puzzle. He did see himself as the best, after all. "What's that stupid smirk about, Kaard?" Jevil asked in a snarky tone, "Does it involve a cube and a button?"

Rouxls looked to Jevil with a small glare while he was drawing a cube and a button next to each other. "Noneth thy's business!" He shouted and closed his book quickly.

"Solve my puzzle then- why come down here when you don't want to talk to me?" Jevil tilted his head to the side as Rouxls came up to the bars of the prison cell.

"I wanted someth privacy far from Lancer! The little water beetle keeps bothering me with his inquiries!" Rouxls replied while he had bent forward a tad and had his hands on his hips. "And thou shall not bother inquire being freed!"

"Come now, Kaard. I won't do too much chaos. Just enough for the King to go mad himself." The jester kept that grin on. He eyed the duke as he could feel the mischief grow inside of him. "Perhaps you'd like to be king yourself?"

Rouxls was rather surprised by the question, then raised an eyebrow at that. "Hmph. I have no needeth for such flare."

Jevil frowned. "Shame, because I have a puzzle that would help with that."

Rouxls raised an eyebrow once more. "None can overthrow the King!"

"This can." Jevil stuck his fist out, palm up to reveal a small, pastel blue macaroon with pink filling. "All you gotta do is solve the puzzle."

Against his better judgement, Rouxls stuck his hand out and allowed the small treat to fall into his hand. He lifted his hand up before picking it up with his thumb and finger with his other hand. "This is it?" He asked as he checked it over.

"Puzzle too hard for you to solve?" The jester raised an eyebrow with a small smirk.

"Noneth puzzles ever stop me, the Duke of Puzzles!" The duke proclaimed loudly. He opened his mouth widely and threw it into his mouth. While the little dessert was easily chewed up in a few bites- it was hard to tell the flavor. Cherry, cotton candy, and chocolate danced in his mouth for such a short moment before disappearing.

“Congrats! You solved the puzzle!” Jevil giggled, covering his mouth with his hands. “You truly are the Duke of Puzzles!”

“As I’ve stated beforeth!” Rouxls looked rather proud. “Though, what does one get for solving it?”

“My company, of course!” In a blink of an eye, Jevil was suddenly right next to Rouxls Kaard, which made him jump. “You didn’t think you would get something, now did ya?”

“-?!” Rouxls looked down in shock and terror as Jevil stood by him. “GETITH BACK IN THY CELL AT ONCE!”

“Why? I just want to have some fun! Besides, you’ll get your prize in the near future!”

“I don’t needeth one’s prize!” Rouxls reached out to grab Jevil, only to grab at air. Jevil was able to dodge the hands easily and slid between the blue legs to the other side. Rouxls bent down and looked between them to see the jester right at the stairs, waving at him before suddenly vanishing into thin air. Rouxls had a look of terror when he realized what had happened. “OH NO! THE KING WILL-” before he could finish, he felt a sharp pang in his stomach. He fell to his knees and hugged his middle. “Th-This-!” he wheezed a few times, getting himself to settle down before the pang stopped for a moment.

“... I shall get something to eat, before telling the King what happened…” Rouxls told himself. He got himself back to his feet and walked up the stairs. The pain he felt in his middle lingered… But he kept his appearance as he travelled through the castle.

Rouxls Kaard would find himself back at his shop, greeted by a large pot of roux. He looked into the pot and saw how full it was. “Stilleth so full…” he thought. No one had been swinging by his shop as of late, so his plans to defeat any heroes were delayed due to low funds. He scooped out a couple ladle full of goo and puts them into the bowl. After a brief stirring, Rouxls put the spoon to his mouth and his eyes went wide.

It was like an impulse mixed with feeling like he hadn’t eaten in so long, and the roux just tasted so good at that moment. He can’t help but keep scooping food into his mouth at a rapid speed. He simply cannot believe how good it was tasting! When the bowl was empty, he helped himself to another, then another, and then another…

It was either this, or the whole pot would be sold at a massive discount in hopes it doesn’t get further rotten and tossed out. What remained inside the pot was a thin line of roux, a couple of worms, and the ladle. The empty bowl and spoon rested next to said pot. Rouxls looked pretty satisfied with himself. “That hittith the spot…” he muttered, then suddenly felt very tired. He got to the front of his shop as it sounded like a comfortable spot. He laid back and closed his eyes, falling into a slumber.

There was an uncomfortable feeling coming from Rouxls’s stomach. He scrunched up his eyes before starting to wake up with a small moan. He looked down at himself sleepily and within seconds his eyes widened in shock. Before the Duke was his bloated middle that made him look 8 months pregnant. “-?!?” He was left speechless upon the sight. His hands shook as he reached down and felt his swollen middle. “Wh-Wh-What… How-?!” he pushed his fingers and thumbs into it, only to feel them pushing in and out of his belly. “It’s real-!!! How could this happen?!” Panic started to fill him as he was now sitting upright, causing his belly to land on his lap. He started to think. “I don’t have anything to shrink this… Seam must have something!” he snapped his fingers at the last thought, and he disappeared into his teleport light.

Seam stood at his shop. It was rather quiet and peaceful. He didn’t have much tidying up to do and was dozing off. His eye went wide when he heard the familiar teleporting sound and Rouxls Kaard appearing before him in a panic. Immediately the old cat looked right at the belly. “You, uh… Looking quite full today.” “This shant the time to maketh jokes!” Rouxls replied in a panic. His hands quickly went into his hair as he looked down at his belly in horror. “What doth happening to me?! This hath barely shrunketh down! Do you have anything to stop this?!”

Seam put his hand to his chin in thought as he looked Rouxls over. “Hmm… That would depend…” he looked at the other in the eyes as his hand lowered slightly. ”You didn't mess with Jevil recently, right?”

“...” Rouxls was quiet as his mind went back to the events earlier. “...............” next he thought back to how much Roux he had eaten and how he was a bit bigger but somehow never noticed it at the time. “.... Maybe.” he said, looking away.

“Don’t tell me you fell for one of his tricks!” Seam looked rather shocked. “What did he give you?!”

“This tiny… I thinketh they’re called macaroons.”

“Oh my… Well, there isn’t a lot I can do to help you.” Seam frowned a bit. “Either he helps you out or you let this run its course.” Rouxls didn’t seem to like that. He grabbed Seam’s shoulder and shook the cat rapidly. “I cannot looketh like this! I’ll be the laughing stock!” He stopped shaking Seam for a moment when a thought popped into his head. “Lancer! Oh godith… Whateth he sees me liketh this?!” he asked in a panic.

Seam looked dizzy for a moment, before shaking his head quickly and looking to Rouxls. “Well, better come up with a good explanation then…”

Rouxls didn’t seem to like that. He was about to grab the cat and start to shake him again when he could smell something wonderful. “Is that… Marshmallows?” he asked.

“I picked some dark candy recently. Why? You want some?” Seam pulled up a bucket of dark candy onto the counter.

“Ah… If uh…” Rouxls looked a bit nervous and hungry now.

Seam looked down at the other’s swollen middle. Still no signs of shrinking. He shook his head and pushed the bucket to Rouxls. “Help yourself. Want some Darkburgers as well?”

“If you please!” Rouxls looked excited to get the bucket of dark candy and started to pop a few of the smaller pieces into his mouth at once.

Seam knew better. He knew this was all Jevil’s doing and he was just going to -literally- feed into Jevil’s tricks, but what could he do? What he could best for now- get some Darkburgers for Rouxls.

Rouxls’s belly was slowly growing with all the dark candies he was eating. It didn’t take a lot of them to show any growth in that short amount of time before the bucket was emptied. He now looked pregnant with twins before Seam gave Rouxls a tray of Darkburgers. This just made his mouth drool even more and he helped himself to the large meal. It all couldn’t help but taste so good to him. His belly was growing at a faster pace, but his clothes didn’t show any signs of wear and tear.

Seam watched in silence. All he could do was wait for the Darkburgers to be eaten up, which didn’t take too long. All that was left was small crumbs on the tray. Rouxls looked satisfied with himself. “That hitteth th-” as he patted his hands on his belly, he couldn’t help but stare at nothing for a moment, before looking down at himself. He now looked to be pregnant with quads, and he looked horrified. “AH-! IT GOT BIGGER!!!” he said as he grabbed at the sides of his head again.

“That’s what happens when you eat so much.” Seam said casually. “Looks like you’ll be having random moments of hunger and you’ll have to satisfy it. I want to say to look for Jevil and get him to reverse it, but… Encountering him again is most likely not a good idea.”

This didn’t comfort Rouxls at all. “Oooohh… I shant be called the Duke of Food! I am the Duke of Puzzles!”

“All I can do is tell you good luck…” Seam looked behind the counter, then back to Rouxls. “... And offer you more dark candies I just realized I had.”

“... Anything to stop this horrid hunger for however long.” Rouxls sounded defeated as he took the bucket of sweets, then disappeared into his teleport light.

Seam’s eye squinted in thought once Rouxls disappeared. “Jevil… This is your most interesting game yet.” he muttered.

[licenselesswriter]

From November to June CH3

January 26, 2018

- Hey - Farkle says sitting in front of Maya while she was half of her baby carrots snack.

- Hey - she replies with a simple nod before going back to her snack.

- Is she still ignoring you? - Farkle asks opening a bag of chips.

- Yep - Maya replies, taking one of Farkle's chips when he offers some.

- Have you spoken to her? - Farkle asks before taking a chip, and then another.

- Why? It's not like I'm the one who needs to apologize - Maya says, knowing exactly what Farkle is pursuing with that selected conversation.

- She felt betrayed - Farkle defends Riley.

- Cry me a river - Maya replies and gets up - when you actually want to came to talk to me as a friend, send me a text - she adds and left Farkle alone.

Knowing that he screws things again.

 Maya walks outside, she needed desperately some fresh air. She sits on the bleachers in front of the brand-new baseball cages.

- Never felt you as someone who wants to try baseball - she heard to her back, and her smile grows a bit.

- Honestly, I'm here for the cute left field - she replies.

- Awww, you have a crush on me - Zay says sitting next to her - So, want to share the story or just want a silent friend? - he asks.

- A bit of both - Maya says and focuses on the grey sky of January - Farkle is totally on her side - she comments.

Zay looks up at the sky - Are you surprised? - he asks back.

- Not really - Maya answers.

They both share a laugh.

- How much for the 20 weeks? - Zay asks.

- Like 5 weeks, why? - Maya asks back.

- Well, usually at that time you get to know the gender - he explained, then look at her - What do you think it's gonna be, baby boy or baby girl? - he asks back.

- What’s with you and Huckleberry and all the questions you make? - she asks trying to avoid thinking about the sex of her future son or daughter.

- I think it's gonna be a boy - Zay says, completely ignoring Maya's question - Lucas think it's gonna be a girl, but that's not a surprise - he adds and Maya looks at him curiously.

- Maybe for you - Maya says still looking at the baseball cages - Why "Dusk till Dawn" like baby girls? - she asks and Zay looked at her surprised.

- I'm changing his contact info right now - Zay says with his usual wide smile - Looks like his family can't have anything but men, all his cousins? Men. Their kids? Men. His family? All brothers, no sisters - he explains while Maya looks surprised by the family of her friend - That's why he loves going to my house when my sisters came to visit - he adds and Maya looks at him expectantly - Only 3 boys in the family, including me - Zay says and winks at her.

- Now all the Papa Friar makes more sense - Maya says.

Zay chokes with his own saliva - I'm sorry? Papa Friar? - he asks in complete shock.

- Please don't make weird assumptions - Maya replies tiredly. Zay was not the first to suggest that - It's just a nickname, and please, keep that nickname between us - she says and Zay looks at the cages with a smile.

- Don't worry, my lips are sealed, Maya Papaya - he replies and locks an imaginary zipper over his lips.

Suddenly the snow starts to fall, and they both were forced to rush inside.

When they get inside, Riley was there, and Farkle was failing at stopping her.

- So, you can't fight your own fights now? - she asks Maya, showing a new emotion for her.

Anger.

- Well, I've always considered myself a brawler, so I pretty much have no idea what are you... - Maya says looking at her best friend.

- Next time, don't try to ruin things between me and Lucas - Riley says interrupting her.

Maya looked at Riley confused, and then her mind connects the dots - Oh, so this is about Huckleberry - Maya says and gives Riley a condescending smile, which infuriates her more.

- Don't feel superior just because we have great friends, behind that condescending look it's only a slut who got herself pregnant - Riley explodes and fastly covers her mouth.

The hall went completely silent, Farkle looked everything from the distance covering his eyes, Zay was pissed off, but in silence, and Maya, she just looks at Riley like nothing can affect her.

- Did you finish? - she asks Riley.

The brunette refuses to look back at her.

- I might be a slut, but trust me, that's none of your business Pinkie Pie - Maya says dead serious - It's my problem who I allow in my bed, not yours - she adds and walk past the brunette directly to Farkle - How lucky I am that you Love us equally, right? - she says to him in her most sarcastic tone.

When Maya left, Zay look at them both - You - he says raising his voice, startling Riley - Grow the fuck up - he says and then looks at Farkle - And you - he adds walking to the genius - Grow a pair of balls, you could have stopped her before she opened her mouth - he says in a whisper, before running after Maya.

Maya didn't have the mood to deal with the sociopathy her friend had. Thankfully for her, since she confesses her pregnancy, Shawn raised the money he usually gives her.

She runs a few blocks, with a belly barely noticeable under her winter clothes and stops in a music store. She refugees from the snow under the covered sidewalk and gets herself an Uber.

 A few hours later, Maya heard a knock on her door. She takes a peek through the magic eye on her door and saw Lucas. She grabs her phone and fastly texts him. She was able to hear the "ding" of his phone, and spying through the magic eye she saw his reaction.

- Ok, first of all, I'm not that, second, my mother is not that, and third, I'm not gonna put that there, that's fucking gross and probably deadly if you consider the size of my hands - he defends himself.

- Congrats Huckleberry, you know how to read - she sarcastically says - Now go, I'm not in the mood to deal with your bullshit - she claims and walked back to her room.

Outside her apartment, Lucas let a deep sigh in exhaustion. He grabs his phone and calls Maya - Can you please open the door? - he asks her and she just hangs up.

Refusing to resign, he dials her again - Fine, you don't want to see me, I can deal with that, can you at least hear me out? - he asks, hoping for the best.

- No - Maya replies and hang up on him again.

- Fine - Lucas says outside her apartment and fastly starts to text her.

"I know you probably hate me right now, I'm sorry I meddle between you and Riley and that stupid fight that was totally Riley's fault, I tried the best but I failed, sorry, shit happens, I left homemade brownies at your doorstep, please come to pick them up, and yes, I'm gonna leave, I shit on too many things today to keep shiting on more, and again, I'm sorry".

Maya finishes reading his text and then saw the pic attached, showing where he left the paper bag with brownies. She walks to her door and peeks again through the magic eye, surprised for a second for not seeing anyone. She opens the door and realizes that Lucas really left. She picks the paper bag and delicately opened, smelling the baked goods inside - My God Mrs. Friar, I need to learn to bake like you - she says, recognizing who made her next meal.

She closes her door and gets back into her room. she puts the brownies bag on her desk and then sits on her stool. Instinctively her hands move to the painting palette Lucas gave her last Christmas. Then pour some of the oil paintings on the palette and softly let her mind wanderer on the white canvas. Blue and black softly starts to cover it, very dark, imitating her mood, and then, another brush. Little white marks over the blue and black canvas. she changes the brush again and makes some remarks in the black paint with some dark green. She cleans the brush with white paint and gets another brownie. She walks away from the canvas; she grabs her phone and sends a text. In seconds her phone buzzes, she smiles and grabs the "History of Bauhaus" book that Shawn gave her last Christmas and lay on her bed. With pretty much zero attention she starts to pass through the pages. She didn't notice how much time has passed when she heard a knock on her door, she gets up her bed and walks to the door, she opens the door and Zay was there.

- I honestly hope that you call me here only because you like my company and not because you wanted vanilla ice cream for those brownies - he says with his usual smile and bag with a pint of vanilla ice cream.

- I'm sorry I'm breaking your heart, but I'm just using you to get ice cream - she answers and let him in.

Zay gets into the apartment faking a heart attack - Ah, my poor heart - he jokes and takes off his coat and put it on the coat hanger.

- I still have brownies - Maya says.

- Awww you Love me - Zay replies with his both hands over his heart.

- Of course, I Love you, smartass - Maya replies making Zay looks moved by her words - Do you think I would let anyone get in my apartment? Oh fuck - she says when Zay smile.

- You're lucky I'm your friend because that would be a sick burn - he says.

- Yeah, yeah, I walk right into that - she says going to the kitchen for 2 little bowls.

They both walk to her room and Zay just sits in the floor while Maya lays on her bed - So, ice cream and brownies - Zay says taking a brownie from the bag Maya had, now, on her bed.

- We are not gonna talk about what happened today - she says and grabs her phone - Siri, play "In the lonely hour" - she says to her phone and a few seconds later the album starts to blast on her phone.

- Wow, Sam Smith's first album - Zay says looking at his blonde friend - That must be a hell of a hit - he adds.

- Well, I still love her like she was my sister - Maya replies putting a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth.

Zay just put the bowl on the floor and get on his knees, looking at her - Cuddle? - he asks.

- Cuddle - she replies and he lay on her bed while she softly snuggles with him.

Zay put his arms around her shoulders and strokes her hair. They talk about the future, she tells him that she's not planning on getting into college, and with his experience, Zay understands why.

After an hour, Zay gets up from her bed, and after a fast trip to the bathroom he returns, stopping in front of the half-painted canvas - I can't believe he actually gets you the palette - he says and gets closer to the canvas - I've seen this place - he adds, making Maya curious.

- Really? - she asks and gets up to take a look again to her painting.

They look at the canvas in detail and Zay finally notices something that makes him choke.

- Easy there Hunkalicious - Maya says and slowly caresses his back.

Zay just looks at Maya and then back at the painting. The clear dark sky, the bright stars, and most importantly, the tress. Zay notices the curiosity on his friend’s face, "She did it without thinking" he thought to himself - Nah, it looks like a place where I used to go, but not completely the same, my bad - he lies, and Maya just looks at her stoic.

Thankfully, they both were interrupted by Katy - Hey baby girl, Zay - she says to them. Maya hugs her mother and Zay just lift his hand in a way to greet her - I'm gonna order Chinese, Zay are you gonna join us tonight? - she asks.

Zay just looks at Maya, and she smiles at him - It would be my pleasure, Mrs. Hunter - he replies.

[believerindaydreams]

oh this got away from me

...*dang* it I swear that whenever I specifically say “no I ain’t gonna fic that” my subconscious goes right ahead and cooks up a story for me. (This is what I get for napping after reblogging all those Eastwood pics huh.)

Albeit, this is Rawhide through the lens of the 70s GBU filter, so uh....what can I say, I don’t like Gil Favor. I do like how that dynamic works with the distinctly screwed-up nature of 70s Blondie though. 

Retrospectively, mind. Post-canon fic, sometime during the trio’s first Christmas together. 

It’s a crazy thing the way he and Blondie have swapped off, Tuco thinks. Wishes for what seems like the hundredth time that he could wipe the sweat and snow off his face- it doesn’t seem fair, to get both at once. But even the small end of this pine tree is heavy and walking backwards is tricky, he doesn’t want to drop it. 

“Careful now,” Blondie says heartily. “We’re almost at the door.”

His partner’s beaming, pink-faced. Blondie’s taking a deep and lively pleasure in the seasonal festivities, boisterously enthusiastic about every snow-dappled tradition, while he’s been wearying his soul out for warmth and dust-strewn Texas roads. Tuco balances the tree on his shoulder, fumbles for the doorknob-

“You two are the height of absurdity.” Angel Eyes opens the door wide, placing one black-gloved hand on his shoulder to guide him inside. Hearing that wry familiar bewilderment, maybe it still doesn’t make it all worth it. 

Goes some ways, though. 

“Or I am,” Blondie says ruefully, as they wrestle the tree into the gatehouse’s blessed heat. “Mighta kept Tuco out too long- but I wanted this to be just right. A surprise for you, Angel.” 

“Why wouldn’t you think I’d want to be along to pick it?”

“Because there’s so little you’re willing to accept as a surprise,” Blondie points out. “A Christmas tree two days ahead of schedule, that seemed like it’d fit the bill nicely.”

“...that’s very nearly exasperating, if accurate,” Angel Eyes says. Genuine pleasure somewhere in there under the annoyance, and it makes Tuco feel a little lonely to hear it. Not feeling at home here of all places, that’s not right. 

“One, two, three- there we go,” Blondie says, sliding the tree into the holder with seemingly effortless enthusiasm. “Now I’ll brush the snow off, so it won’t get over the floor, then we can start decorating.”

“Blondie, can we- what if we put that off until tomorrow? Only I’m tired.” Tuco pulls off his jacket, dives deep underneath their knit sofa throw. 

“I’m sorry,” Blondie says, a little awkwardly. “I thought you’d be having more fun.” 

“Oh, it was all right at the start- but three hours walking! Santa Maria, you never know when to leave off.” 

“Well. It had to be the right tree, for Angel,” Blondie says, chin set with a charming determination. 

“...yeah, yeah, fair enough.” In response to Angel’s questioning look, he nods in quick reassurance- there’s nothing really wrong with him, besides exhaustion and maybe a little homesickness. “Maybe I’ll just have a quick nap, you two can get on with things.”

Angel balances himself carefully on the sofa arm, concern etched across his features. “If that’s what you need, by all means. Though I’m surprised you don’t want even a bowl of soup first.”

“Is it that late already?”

“Four hours walking, if I’m not much mistaken,” Angel says. Throws Blondie a dirty look. 

“In my defense, somebody insisted on chopping down a whole tree by himself just to prove that he wasn’t such a city slicker.”

“And who was teasing me about that, huh? Somebody who was happy just to stand around smoking cigarillos while I was busy working, that’s who-”

“I was hoping the woodchopping might- help cheer you up,” Blondie says hesitantly, sliding down besides him on the floor. “Last time you were this down-at-mouth during Christmas was Pennsylvania.”

“It wasn’t. That was Christmas before last, when you were so sick and I was- I was scared I’d lose you. That was much worse.” Not that he would have asked to be reminded of, but the thought helps put things in perspective. A little sadness tonight is nothing like that harsh, gripping terror, gracias a Dios.

“...it all seemed more cheerful from my perspective- chalk it up to the fever, I suppose,” Blondie says. He sounds a little quizzical. 

“Anyway, what was so wrong with Pennsylvania? It all ended happily. My cousin thought it was a riot.” 

“Happily? I’ve still got a warrant out!”

“So what? You’ve got one in Florida, too-”

“One story at a time,” Angel Eyes decrees, handing each of them a bowl of thick orange soup. “What’s this about a cousin, Tuco?”

“I mean I have one. Six of them, at that- what, did you think it was just me and Pablo? It’s a Catholic family.”

“So was mine,” Angel Eyes observes. 

“...not to be rude or anything, but your family, that wasn’t what anyone would call normal,” Tuco says delicately. He spoons down piping hot mouthfuls, faintly puzzled by the flavour- it isn’t anything quite like what Angel’s made before. “It’s not everyone who’s brought up by an assassin lady.”

The twist of pleasure to his lover’s mouth, he lives for moments like that. 

“What even was his name?” Blondie asks. “The number of ‘em he had, you think I’d be able to remember one...”

“I bet you remember Gil Favor though, eh?”

“You’re not going to be happy until Angel hears the whole stupid tale, are you,” Blondie mutters. “It’s not- god above, he doesn’t want to hear about my rebound.”

“We had to do something after Louisiana,” Tuco says impishly. “And it felt like a good idea to do something different- so we treated ourselves a little, spent my savings on a slow trip north. See, my cousin was working in a meatpacking plant, he always said he could get us in whenever we wanted a job- it seemed like a good time to take up the offer.”

“I didn’t believe him,” Blondie confesses. “Or- more like, didn’t want to believe it. Not my Tuco.”

“Not either of you, I’d have thought,” Angel says rather curiously. “You’re neither of you especially suited for violence.”

“...maybe I wanted to get the knack, in case you caught up with me again,” Blondie mutters. 

“Oh, is that why you- oh,” Tuco says. “Huh. Blondie was working with the live cows, I was mostly mopping and moving boxes, clean work like that. It was hard work though, I didn’t like it. Too cold. And nobody liked the way my cousin had pushed for me to get a cushy job, they said it wasn’t fair.”

“I had a punch-up with two guys who tried to lock him in a freezer the first week,” Blondie says heavily. “Brought me to the attention of the line manager. I figured he was gonna fire me, so I got a little cocky- Tuco could tell you how that goes, when I haven’t got anything to lose.”

“He hardly needs to. I was watching it for months, if you’ll recall.” 

“It’s sexy,” Tuco says, grinning. “I used to like watching him get fired.”

“Yeah. That sure never helped with us trying to settle down...okay. So I told the man what happened, figured I’d take my medicine for it, only Favor seemed to like it. Said I was spirited.”

“And one two three, next thing you know he’s fucking the boss,” Tuco says, licking his spoon. “They had a lot in common, actually- Favor had crazy dreams too. He wanted to be a cowboy like nobody’s business, but he had two daughters and an old aunt to look after.” 

“Lucky thing I had you,” Blondie says, looking up at him fondly. “Never got tempted to leave hostages to fortune like that.”

“Penny.”

“Penny didn’t want kids either, we’d agreed to that on the first date. Funny thing about that, actually-” 

“Blooooondie. Stop getting distracted.” 

“I’m not making you explain your last partner to Angel, am I?” Blondie gets up, holds his hand out for Tuco’s empty bowl. 

“But I already told him abut Trixie! He knows that story.”

“I should have seen that coming, huh.” 

“I’d say so,” Angel agrees, lightly sipping at his soup. “Keep going.” 

“Okay, well...it wasn’t the worst setup, or not for me. Course everybody else at the plant hated me playing suck-up, but I felt sorry for the man being so isolated. Or as sorry as I could be, for a complete kook. Had all these crazy notions about how the Confederacy was doomed from the start, because they’d all missed their chance supporting an independent Texan state.”

“Yeah. Lots of great ideas about how all the slave holders should have moved there and invaded Mexico,” Tuco says, rolling his eyes. “They used to chat about it in the office with the door wide open, anybody could hear them.” 

“It paid for a nicer apartment than we’d ever had before.” 

“And I hated it. And Pennsylvania. And Favor- I didn’t like the way he said his wife didn’t matter, just because they were separated. Or the way my partner doted on him,” Tuco says, cautiously taking the bowl from Blondie’s hands. “I mean, I guess a lot of that was Blondie missing you, I get that now, but he sure wanted me to be jealous of him for something and I was.” 

“What? That’s not how I thought- I mean, he was right that it was a short-term proposition. His wife did come back.” 

“In December, because it was Christmas and she missed her kids,” Tuco says. “I felt sorry for her. She’d run off to the big city, tried to make it on her own- if I’d known where she was I’d have tried to help her. But nobody knew where she was.” 

“When she did come back, I was in bed with Favor,” Blondie says. “I won’t say it was the most awkward thing that’s ever happened to me, Angel Eyes, but all the rest have involved you.” 

“Tell Angel what he said,” Tuco says, snickering. “Just tell him.” 

“...he looks across the blankets at his wife,” Blondie says. “And he looks at me, and he says as nice as you please, ‘Rowdy’- I was going by Rowdy-” 

“That I hated worst of all, the name. You know how Blondie gets into a part, well- you never saw anybody so wholesome!”

“He says ‘Rowdy, this is my wife Janice, and I think you two would get along’. And there I am with my shirt off and my ass bare,” Blondie says, sprinkling pepper on his soup. “Saying to myself, how the hell did I work so hard getting out of one disaster of a threesome just to end up in somebody else’s? So I excused myself, put my pants on and went home.” 

“...we had a pretty good fuck that night. After I stopped laughing at him.” 

“Tuco, why were you putting up with this?”

“You never saw Blondie dressed up as a cowboy,” Tuco says cheerfully. “Let me tell you, he’s pretty hot that way. We got a nice routine together at lunchtime- first he’d be with Favor in his office, and I’d be watching through the keyhole, then Favor would hurry off to do his three-martini deal or whatever it was that gave him such rotten ulcers- and then Blondie would let me in and I’d fuck him again, it was great.” 

“Yeah. Actually getting any lunch started to be a problem.” 

“Fucking an adulterous Confederate maniac, and he thought eating lunch was his big problem,” Tuco retorts. 

“...I’m at a complete loss now, whether you were enjoying this or not.” 

“I was and I wasn’t, you know? It’s complicated. It got more complicated when Janice said she’d fallen in love with Blondie- she said he was such a gentleman, and I figured with her husband anybody would look like one."

“She came to the plant to apologise to me for interrupting, of all things, and, uh, I was just trying to finish my lunch and before the hour was over she was trying to kiss me,” Blondie says. “Which is right about when I decided we should make tracks.” 

“So I skipped out on work that afternoon and went home to pack and get the car ready and everything. Somebody has to think of this stuff.” 

“And then...oh god,” Blondie says, and starts to laugh with helpless hilarity. 

“To think I played poker with you,” Tuco says, clicking his tongue. “We got to work the next morning, only the plant was still locked up tight- that was one of Favor’s jobs, he’d never give anybody else the keys. The whole herd of cows was milling around outside, and he was in the middle of them on a big white charger.”  

“And he says, god help us all, that he’s going to ride herd on them all the way to Texas, and anybody from the plant who wants to sign up as a trail hand is welcome to do so. And he wants me along as ramrod- are you all right?” 

“...perfectly fine,” Angel promises. Once Tuco’s patted him on the back a few times and he’s stopped choking. “Pray continue.” 

“Yeah. So. I asked him, isn’t it stealing to take these cattle from the plant, and he says no, he’s paid his life savings to buy this herd and by god he’s going to take them to a Western range, blah blah blah- did I mention he’s got his full cowboy fetish gear on? He has.” 

“His wife’s loaded up their pickup truck,” Tuco says. “It’s all packed, the kids are in it, even the old aunt. So when I saw that I knew it was serious business.”

“She was trying to reason with him,” Blondie says. “Hollering at him to please calm down, talk about this sensibly, and he whipped out a set of pistols and said he’d get the whole herd to Texas just to spite her if nothing else...anyway I figured I’d better humour him some,” Blondie says. “So I put on the vest, and the hat, and everything-” 

“I wanted to kiss him like that. But I didn’t want a bullet through my heart either- but I thought of something.”

“He taps my foot when I’m getting on the horse,” Blondie says. “And whispers to me to, um, get Favor away from the cattle...one more round in the office, for old time’s sake. I, uh, might have promised him something about a whip and a set of spurs.” 

“So they go in and when they come out, poof! All the cattle are gone,” Tuco says. “The whole lot. But the field’s a mess- you ever seen how fast a good butcher can turn a cow into hamburger? A lot of poor people in Philly got a lot of free steaks that day, they thought it was a Christmas miracle.” 

“...that was you? The Philadelphia fiasco? That made national headlines.”

“He’s fun like that,” Tuco says fondly, finishing off the soup in amused contentment. No malaise could hold up against a story like that; or not his, anyway. 

“And I had no idea what to say,” Blondie says. “So I just mumbled something about huh, they must have already started the drive without us...and he just broke down and started to cry like a little kid. He was still crying when the cops showed up and dragged him off for inciting a riot- and I wouldn’t have got out of it, only Tuco’s cousin had paid off the cops. Apparently he’d had his eye on Favor’s job for a long time, had been sort of chafing at the bit because he hadn’t been able to get the owners to notice him. They noticed him after that.” 

“And what of Janice?”

“Married my cousin and settled down very happily,” Tuco says. “Tell you the truth, I don’t know if Favor came up with that whole scheme himself, or if it was something they put into his head to try...but they never went after anybody for stealing all that cattle. And it was her money, so there wasn’t anything to be done about it. He hasn’t shown his face in Philly since, I hear.” 

“...I thought it was a shame, kinda,” Blondie says wistfully. “If there’d been any cattle when we’d come out, if we’d had a lot of city-worn men willing to ride out to somewhere better- but I guess I should have known. A man who couldn’t keep the respect of his men at work wasn’t going to be able to sell them on a dream.” 

“Would you really have gone for that?” Angel inquires. “If they had?”

“Hell, why not? Gil wasn’t a bad lay, and Janice was a looker, and with Tuco along I might have given that proposition a shot-”

“If you think I’d have followed some jumped-up racist like that, you’ve got another think coming.” 

“Oh. Then, never.” 

Like the four-hour hunt for a tree, it’s maybe not the most orthodox way for Blondie to say he loves them; but that’s what it means. Tuco leans down, tousles his partner’s hair affectionately. 

“Angel,” Blondie says. “You’re looking pensive.” 

“...all this time I’ve been perfectly convinced I always had the upper hand over you two,” Angel says. “To need to ponder whether my expertise is capable of surmounting your capacity for chaos is...an intriguing question. Possibly even an alarming one.” 

Which is Angel’s way of expressing affection. 

“You two idiots, I love you to death,” Tuco murmurs. 

Feeling very glad, that one of them can say it.