#suicidal nico

[neonlitlesbians]

safe

you are not alone.

i promise

[happyk44]

Nico: I'm not afraid of dying, because Death was my babysitter and the Underworld is my home.

Nico: Percy's not afraid of dying, because he is suicidal.

Percy: What? No, I'm not.

Nico: And Jason's not afraid of dying because I geniunely don't think he knows what fear is.

Jason: I know what fear is. Fear is a wolf coming at you with sharp teeth and even sharper claws and the best way to defeat fear is to take your little baby fists and start wailing on it with all the power and lightning and determination that you have until someone drags you away and the other wolves commend you for your fight and lick the blood off your face.

Percy:

Percy: I'm not suicidal!

[beanghostprincess]

I am making a collection

(Op manga ch.1103 spoilers)

[echo-stimmingrose]

Something something, Percy's on a quest with his younger self (+ Thalia and Nico)

13 yr old Percy: *gets grabbed with a knife to his throat*

Enemy: *at 17 yr old Percy* If I kill him, you die too.

17 yr old Percy: hm...

Thalia: Percy.

17 yr old Percy: I'm thinking it over....

Nico: What?!?!

13 yr old Percy: What do you mean your thinking!!

Percy: It's a complicated issue I need to think it through!!!

Thalia and Nico: No it's not!!!

13 yr old Percy: It's not complicated!!!

17 yr old Percy: Oh shut up, you don't want to be alive either.

13 yr old Percy:

Enemy:

Thalia and Nico:

13 yr old Percy: Yeah Me's right, do whatever you want.

Nico: Okay what the actual fuck.

Thalia: That's it! I'm putting you in therapy!

Nico: Yeah when we get out of this alive you're getting professional help.

Percy: Why don't you get professional help??

Nico: I did!

Percy: Mr. D is not a professional!

[autistic-katara]

*holds up blorbo like a wet kitten* (incredulously) look at this queer autistic! it’s traumatized! it wants to die! who the fuck did this to them?!

[lillosersworld]

Hoping that we get more Bianca in the show and like her actually confronting her feelings about Nico and why she did what she did maybe a talk with Percy because she literally was a plot device.

[stellacadente]

hi in case you're wondering where i've been..? it's not been that long since i was online i think but still, won't be here much so

i'm going thru a really hard time, i attempted suicide last week which of course like.. sucks. but i don't rly want to die, i just.. got to a point where i hit rock bottom and i didn't know how to ask for help and i did. that. sorry i don't have much energy rn but. i wanted to tell everyone that i'm as fine as i can be, and i'm trying to get help, and hopefully i can get thru this and find peace and joy again. i will not be on here much, or at least rn i don't have any desire to which is okay. maybe even good. but just... know i'm doing my best, i'm trying to slowly let people in again, to let myself be helped, to get control of my life back. it's hard but i need to. and i mostly want to, which is maybe the most important thing. and if anyone wants to talk with me, you still can, i'll just be very slow in replying here. probably easiest way to reach me's whatsapp rn idk. ily

[jankwritten]

Jasico Bingo Challenge: love letter

A sheet of paper, folded into thirds, dotted in places with what must be water and grass stains. The handwriting is legible in some places, and shaky in others. In the margins are small doodles of birds, clouds, trees, and other miscellaneous, abstract shapes, as if the writer’s mind kept wandering. 

TO: Nico di Angelo 

FROM: Jason Grace 

Hey, Nico. If you’re reading this, something probably happened to me. Maybe I hit my head again and lost my memories, or something, and you went through my stuff to try and find things to remind me of who I was. Maybe this fell out while we were hanging out, one day, and you saw it was addressed to you and you picked it up. Maybe I died—

However you found this, I guess, surprise! :) 

First thing’s first: I’m sorry for leaving. I know I begged you to stay, and then turned around and left, and I really hope you understand - I didn’t leave because of you. I needed to find Leo, and leaving with Piper was the easiest way to do that. I had to try and get him back. 

I wanted you to come with, but you were still healing and things were going really well with you and Will. I hope things still are, in fact. Wherever I am, I’m so proud of you for how far you’ve come, and how much I’m sure you continued to grow even after I left. 

I really love you, man. I never got to tell you that, but you’re one of my best, closest friends. You mean so much to me. You showed me a side of the world that I never would’ve seen otherwise, and gave me a space to be myself, and I will never, ever know how I deserved that. How I deserve you. 

Is that out of left field? Haha it definitely is. Sorry. 

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Nico. I didn’t want to leave. I’m so sorry for leaving you. I’m sorry I had to go and I’m sorry it had to be me, but it couldn’t be her, Nico, it can’t be her, it can’t be. It has to be me. 

It has to be. 

Here, some of the words are smeared from the water marks. Lines cross through some words that have then been re-written, as if in after-thought the author realized they were too important to delete. 

If you really are reading this, after the worst case scenario, I understand if you’re angry. I understand if you never want to think about me again, after what I’ve done. I’ll understand if you storm to your father’s palace and demand I be placed in the worst of the worst punishments for being so stupid. 

Gods. Gods, Nico, I’m never going to get to tell you how I really feel. About all of this, about everything I’m going through, I’m never going to be able to tell you and that hurts. It hurts more than knowing I’m going to die, it hurts more than getting stabbed and poisoned. I’m going to die loving you and you won’t even know until it’s too late. 

Maybe this is a stupid bad idea. Maybe I should let it die with me. Is it cruel, to tell you how I feel if I’m gone? Does this make me an awful person? 

Shit. I think I’m an awful person, Nico. I’m awful and I’m selfish and I can never choose things for myself, it always has to be for the greater good, so this is it. This is as selfish as I can be. This is all I can be for you. 

I want to see you on the other side. I want you to punch me for getting myself killed and hate me for being a hero and I want you to know that I didn’t want this but it needed to be me. It has to be me. 

I’m still wrapping my head around it, but it has to be me, okay? So if I’m really gone when you’re reading this, okay, you have to let me stay gone. Please. If you get hurt, if you die, and it’s my fault, I could never— 

Here, the letter abruptly stops. Then, it continues: 

That’s all I wanted to say, anyway. That I love you. I love you in any way I can, and even if I’ve done it silently, and stupidly, from a distance, just know that it was there, the whole time. It’s still there, wherever I am. Dead, or lost, or whatever. I love you, Nico. I’m sorry.

-- Jason Grace :)

[yonemurishiroku]

Hadcanon, — Camp Half-blood has its own funeral traditions.

the corpse of the deceased half-breed is carefully brought into a nice appearance, and his/her brothers and sisters sew a funeral veil and prepare a coffin for him/her.

Then the coffin is placed on a stretcher, as well as things necessary for a journey to the underworld are placed in it — food, mortal money and drachmas, weapons, flowers and gifts, expensive things for the deceased are also placed in the coffin.

after the funeral procession of brothers and sisters also to his/her friends and if there is a lover carry the coffin on a stretcher from the beginning of the road to the camp to the amphitheater.

There the coffin is laid on a stone altar, prayers are sung, a speech is made, the beloved, if there is one, kisses the beloved on the forehead and asks moir to be reunited in the next life.

at the end, the cabin headman sets the body on fire.

Can't stop thinking about how, back when the promise wasn't made and there were a lot of kids unclaimed and dead, then according to this, the Hermes cabin would take on the most funerals, and Luke would be the one lighting all the flames.

I'd understand if that was what broke him. What he saw when the shrouds burnt away, as fast as their demigod lives, to reveal the scorched skin that the flame had started licking over.

But what if the dead one is the cabin head though? Like, in Luke's case. Or Silena's case?

Assuming the following successor would light the fire, then to that successor - the first thing they ever did as a counselor would be setting fire to their older sisters. Not to mention Silena was an idol to Cabin 10 if I'm not mistaken and Luke was.... a whole story.

Was that Drew? The successor, I meant. I haven't read The Lost Heroes so I don't know much. But if this whole funeral thing was canon I'd say I get it if it breaks something inside her.

Did Bianca get a funeral, btw? Somehow I didn't recall any. Even if she did, then surely Nico wasn't there since he ran away?

Oh well. It's not like he ever let her go.

Also. after the promise was made, then. I think Nico can light his own fire. It's just a thought, something about idk Nico would live even when he's dead, but on second thought. Maybe I just want to entertain the thought of Nico mourning himself.

Thank you, this is a nice thought.

[happyk44]

Just. Thinking about Percy who wants to die and would willingly kill himself if he ever got to that point versus Jason who wants to kill himself but can't because suicide is dishonourable so instead he'll just go through dozens battle after battle and hope he gets an injury that will cure all his problems versus Hazel and Nico who don't want to die because there is so much to live for but would be content to sacrifice their lives if they had no other choice because they do not fear death

Like I'm just. Rotating that in my head on repeat right now and feeling THINGS about it. I mean Percy is always on the lookout, waiting and fearing for the overflow that'll make him turn Riptide on himself, because it's not an "if, it's a "when", he knows it in his gut it's just a matter of time, and Jason is always prickling with an unending internal distress he doesn't understand because what even are emotions and campers cheer him on as he seeks out worser and worser monsters, no one ever knowing he's holding back screams when the battle ends and he's still alive, no life-threatening incurable injuries to land him in the underworld forever and then there's Hazel and Nico, who both have suffered so much, dealt with so much heartache and pain, as though the Fates themselves had been told that children of Hades, children of Pluto, are not supposed to live and be happy, but nonetheless they carry on, air in their lungs, heart pumping, knowing that the world has so much to offer and there is always something to do, even if that's extending your help, your life, to others.

[sionisjaune]

#NEED to write more about him but what to write… 👀 👀 👀 ayk I am an avid cneu enjoyer i'm on my knees oh more food would be excellent,,, what i think is great about your au is how it's this exploration of how nico, given his upbringing, would've ended up if f1 was out of the picture (tho of course it's quite an extreme case. my little pampered blond polyglot with a cosmopolitan background lost at sea after losing the one thing that anchored him down (proper racing) 🥺

with that being said if u are possibly thinking about writing more (not trying to pressure you ofc) I'd love to see more of his background. perhaps even a snippet of some (non-)interaction with keke?? alternatively i think a jenson pov would be sickening and delicious

This is NOT what you asked for, but I have been turning over the idea of Nico and his father in my mind, and I don't think he is ready to talk about it with any honesty! Anyway, have this:

The sun is rising after a long night, a molten blaze on the water. Nico’s cigarette smells awful, but the comedown from the race was too intense to handle alone. Lewis spotted him at an afterparty in Cannes, and then Nico dragged him to Jenson Button’s party on a rented yacht. Now Lewis is reclined on the empty seats in the bow, and Nico is halfway on his lap recovering from his own vices. 

“Do you follow the races? Is that it?” Lewis says. Nico stamps out the cigarette on the arm of Jenson’s sofa. He's always around. It's not as if Lewis goes to seedy clubs looking for him.

“No,” says Nico, repulsed. “But Monaco… I like to be on the periphery. Good parties.” 

“Sure,” says Lewis. “If this is your idea of a good party.” He gestures loosely at the vague shape of a woman passed out on the teak deck some fifteen feet away. 

Nico flicks his crumpled cigarette overboard and snorts. “If that were me, you would be on your knees already. That’s your idea of a good time.” He shoots Lewis an almost sober glare. “Don’t argue. You know I’m right.” 

“If you weren’t such a mess all of the time, I wouldn’t have to do it,” says Lewis. It feels important to point out. 

“You don’t have to do anything,” says Nico.

“I kind of do,” says Lewis, staring across the water, letting the rising sun etch itself into his retinas. “When you’re fucking wasted and trying to kill yourself.” 

“It’s my life,” says Nico. He drops his head onto Lewis’s shoulder, all of his silky hair rubbing against Lewis’s cheek. His breath smells like tequila, hot on the shell of Lewis’s ear, like it did when Lewis was furiously jerking him off in the cramped bunks below deck. “You’re the one following me everywhere. Like a fucking guardian angel. You just can’t stand the fact that I’m free. You couldn’t let yourself go if you tried.” 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” says Lewis. He reaches around Nico to scrape his hair back and away from Lewis’s face. “I saw your apartment.” Lewis pictures Nico’s Monaco penthouse—the plush carpets, the golden faucets, the view of the water. It sits empty most of the year.

“The apartment,” says Nico, with a dry laugh. “A gift from my father. Fuck him, right?"

“What?” says Lewis. “Fuck him?" It's not—it's a vile thing to say, Lewis thinks. Nico is a vile person, except for when he isn't. "You know, I slept on my dad’s sofa growing up. He was the only person who believed in me. I didn't have a single friend at the karting track. Not one.” 

“So we’re having this conversation,” says Nico. 

Lewis curls his hand into a fist, digging blunt nails into his palm. “Actually, we’re not.”

Nico blows out another breath on the side of Lewis’s face. “If you hate me so fucking much, then quit me. I could have anyone fuck me. Better than you can—easily. You're so fucking repressed that you're impossible to be with.” 

“What is your problem?” says Lewis. He uncurls his fingers and watches the crescent-shaped indents on his palm fill with blood and disappear. 

“What’s yours,” says Nico, bored. 

Lewis sighs—a strangled, frustrated gust of breath. The sun is most of the way risen now, a fiery ball of orange wavering a few metres above the horizon. It looks like the party is still raging on another boat on the other side of the harbour, bodies on bodies crammed on the upper deck, the quiet pounding of distant music floating on the breeze. 

Nico lifts his wrist to point limply at the outline of the other boat. 

“I raced the son of the man who owns that boat this weekend,” he says. Like he didn't just rip Lewis to shreds. “I don’t have to tell you who won. He brought some modified Mustang to the track and tried to wager it. You know, winner keeps the car.” He scrapes his fingers through his own hair and resettles his neck on Lewis’s shoulder. Lewis wraps one arm around him because it’s not possible to deny himself when the wound that is Nico is so raw. “Anyway, he lost by thirty seconds, and when he realized I was high, he tried to swing at me.”

Lewis winces. “So you took the Mustang?” 

“No. I don’t play those games anymore.” Nico wrinkles his nose. “American muscle isn’t my style anyway.”

“Funny,” says Lewis. “You were playing those games when we met.” 

“I’ll take your garage any day,” says Nico, easily. “I want to get inside that LaFerrari.” 

“I know you do,” says Lewis. “Buy one. You can obviously afford it.” 

Nico shuffles impossibly closer to Lewis, draping his legs over Lewis’s lap. In moments like these, Lewis could convince himself that Nico is sober, that he and Nico are just regular people in a regular boat, bobbing in a regular harbour. He imagines what it would have been like if he'd had a friend like Nico when he was younger, but stops just short of imagining Nico at sixteen, sober and starry-eyed.

“Killjoy. Like I said,” says Nico into Lewis’s neck. 

[echo-stimmingrose]

Percy: The gods are talking about killing me again.

Nico: Seriously??

Percy: Yeah. But the jokes on them, that's what I want.

Thalia: *sprays spray bottle* Bad Percy!

[cosmicrhetoric]

i love that they are not trying to make nico robin normal after her tragic backstory arc finished. the post therapy version of her is still going around snapping spines and doing practical jokes willy nilly in the same breath.she is like what if bugs bunny was a beautiful 28 yr old woman with a cowboy hat 🤠

[nicoappreciation]

i love seeing the difference in reaction to the nico book title on twitter vs on tumblr. twitter is absolutely loving it meanwhile my mutuals are on the brink of suicide

[lillosersworld]

Am I the only one who thought Boo could’ve been way more interesting if Rick had upped the age rating. And well he wouldn’t even have to cause most middle schoolers know a lot. He did broach heavier topics but they were easily resolved or never truly explored like they could’ve been.

[my-apollo-gies]

nico, in literally every book: hey what if i just sacrifice myself