#sunny is orange because i am on mobile

[ayyy-imma-ninja]

Aweee moon youre soo cute TwT

I dont think people say that enough but youre adorable like your brother

(Fairy au)

“He IS adorable, isn’t he!”

“Hrrrrmmmm…”

*blushing*

“…thank you…”

[writingbaddie]

Weirdly specific and unrelated asks to know someone well:

🌸 1. chipotle order?

🌸 2. thoughts on veganism?

🌸 3. a specific color that gives you the ick?

🌸 4. mythical creature you think/believe is real?

🌸 5. favorite form of potato?

🌸 6. do you use a watch?

🌸 7. what animal do you look forward to seeing when you visit an aquarium?

🌸 8. do you change into specific clothes for the house when you get home?

🌸 9. do you have a skincare routine (and how

many steps is it)?

🌸 10. on a plane, do you ask for apple or orange juice?

🌸 11. anything from your childhood you've held on to?

🌸 12. brand of haircare/bodycare/skincare that you trust 100%?

🌸 13. first thing you're doing in the purge?

🌸 14. do you think you're dehydrated?

🌸 15. rank the methods of death: freezing, burning, drowning

🌸 16. thoughts on mint chocolate chip?

🌸 17. an anxious compulsion you do everyday?

🌸 18. your boba/tea order?

🌸 19. the veggie you dislike the most?

🌸 20. favorite disney princess movie?

🌸 21. a number that weirds you out?

🌸 22. do you have an emotional support water bottle?

🌸 23. do you wear jewelry?

🌸 24. which do you find yourself using, american or british english?

🌸 25. would you say you have good taste in music?

🌸 26. how's your spice tolerance?

🌸 27. what's your favorite or go-to outfit?

🌸 28. last meal on earth?

🌸 29. preferred pasta noodle?

🌸 30. ask me anything!

The reblog made me do this- xD, anyway, I brought you some tea (if you don't like tea then pretend it's coffee, and if you don't like coffee either then...idk. It could be juice maybe?), since I know that's gonna take a while to answer! 🌼

+ Add tags to help people find your post

Why THANK YOU for le tea. I happen to be an avid tea drinker (Black tea, 5 sugars and French vanilla creamer) Anywho, onto these asks: 1. Steak and cheese quesadilla with chips and queso blanco.

2. I think it's a nice lifestyle, but personally not for me. I'm a meat eater 100%.

3. Not many colors, but I suppose neon blue. Especially on neon signs. It's so bright but dark it assaults my eyeballs.

4. Hm...possibly ghosts and demons. Spirits in general.

5. Potato chips!

6. Yes, it's a fitness watch too! It helps track my calories, heart rate, and steps.

7. Octopi/squids! Squishy, sloshy, tentacle bois!

8. Sometimes, other times I'll flop on my bed in my work clothes.

9. I do! (Though I am shit at being consistent with it) It is 3-4 steps.

10. Apple, though I've never been on a plane that offers orange juice just yet.

11. For your sake, I'll give the lighthearted answer. I have a bunch of plushies from my childhood, including a stuffed beanie baby lamb named Lamby, who I used to say goodnight to as a kid before going to bed.

12. Not really, tbh. I do like Urea Cream. it helped my KP and ashiness.

13. Locking my house the fuck down and arming myself. Sorry it ain't as fun as raiding 7/11, but I'm a black woman. We ain't scurrying the streets with the crazies.

14. Considering how little water I unfortunately consume, along with my high-mobility job and the recent hot, sunny weather, most likely.

15. Based purely on length of time, I'll say: Drowning, Freezing, Burning.

16. I prefer other flavors, but it's one of my favorites!

17. Overapologize for everything, even things that aren't my fault (working on this in counseling)

18. Brown sugar boba milk tea (I don't regularly order boba, so I don't know if this is proper boba terminology)

19. Honestly, I'm not a veggie girl in general, but I hate zucchini. I've despised it ever since I tried it.

20. Princess and the Frog, all the fuckin' way.

21. Those super-high numbers like Googol and Googolplex. Just the magnitude of them is so interesting but existentially terrifying at the same time.

22. Considering how little I drink water, no.

23. I used to, but I'm a tad too lazy to accessorize now.

24. American, mainly because I was raised by a New Yorker and a Jamaican New Yorker.

25. Good and eclectic taste, yes.

26. For a Jamaican, not really. More than your average white Midwesterner, but not enough for my ancestors.

27. Lol, scrubs. No, like, nursing scrubs. I work in a daycare, I'm sorry. I would say my favorite outfit is this black dress with white embroidery. I call it my prairie dress because it's so pretty and modest, so I don't feel self conscious.

28. Bacon cheeseburger with fries and fried chicken on the side with red velvet cake as dessert and Sprite for my drink.

29. Fettuccine or shells.

30. Which word would you use if you could only use one for the rest of your life?

[whitherliliesbloom]

weaving the present, illuminating the future

[ ffxivwrite2021 ] ★ [ masterlist ] ★ [ prompt #30 - abstracted ]

[ illya & friends ] ★ [ 2,849 words ]  ★ [ streamers au ]

modern / streamers / online celebrities au where the spud squad are all popular streamers who frequently collab together. centers around illya and kaye mainly, but briefly mentions a bunch of other friends and illyanaud.

abstracted- withdrawn in mind, inattentive to one's surroundings

the spud squad announce their indefinite hiatus right after releasing their one year anniversary single, and illya cannot help but to feel just a tad bit melancholic.

Illya hasn’t bothered checking her notifications, or looked at either her computer screen or mobile phone, really. The sounds of ping after ping on linkcord, text after text and the flood of new tweets mentioning the one tag she followed on twitter easily made her overwhelmed - and so she’d opted to switch her devices off entirely before burying herself under the covers for the evening, trying desperately to distract herself with a copy of a manhwa that she’d borrowed from Laurelis. 

But it was futile, her head is empty and heavy, yet swirling with a myriad of many emotions all at the same time. And after feebly reading and re-reading the same page over and over only to realize she hadn’t been paying attention to the contents of the book at all, she closed the manhwa shut with a heavy sigh before closing her eyes, praying to the heavens that exhaustion would lull her quickly to sleep.

Outsiders would merely assumed she was simply nervous from the release of their newest single, Ultramarine Hymn, a collaboration between the members of their massively popular streamer group made in celebration for their one year anniversary. They’d prepared for months, working together with a widely renowned music composer and even performing live on stage with a set of professional make up artists, producers and videographers to film their first ever music video.

For everyone barring Mint, it’d been their first time ever singing and dancing for a large audience online. While the experience had been undoubtedly fun, it was still their first real exposure doing anything of such professionalism and scale- and so her flat mate Kaye wasn’t surprised at all to find her shaking like a leaf as she sat next to him on the couch just several minutes prior to the premier of the video.

While the premier of their first music video was indeed a good half of the reason why Illya felt so out of sorts and nervous for the rest of the night up until sunrise, the true reason for the melancholy she bore in her heart came from the announcement that was posted right after the release of the music video, and it’d kept her awake for a good portion of the late night until she mercifully fell asleep, clutching the lavender purple ribbon she’d worn in the music video tightly in her hands.

The spud squad was going to go on an indefinite hiatus shortly after the release of Ultramarine Hymn - a result of an eight months long business trip Kaye had been assigned on as a professional programmer. Streaming and being something of an internet celebrity was never the man’s main source of income, so it’d be unwise of him to turn down the golden opportunity to further his career in favor of staying behind to continue streaming. 

Naturally, Lily was going to move overseas with him as well - and while she has made it clear to her audience that she will continue streaming whenever she could afford the free time to, the radically different time zones between Eorzea and Doma meant it’d be difficult to participate in anymore spud squad activities - at least until she and Kaye would return.

Mint too, announced that she’d been preoccupied with practicing for auditions into several professional idol management companies... and while Illya herself isn’t as busy as the other three, juggling between helping with business at her mother’s florist, studying for an entrance exam into a medical school and streaming on top of that has become quite a hectic endeavor. 

Thus with much reluctance, the six of them came to a consensus and decided to announce their indefinite hiatus, a news that they’d hoped would sit well with their impressively large audience of fans if it came with the release of a music video to remember them by.

Illya knew that it was a necessary change of process - that new doors are being opened for each of them and it was only right for them to seize the opportunity to chase their dreams. Deep inside, Illya truly did feel overjoyed for her friends, loved them all with of her heart so much that the hiatus was but a small fraction of the cost to pay in exchange for their happiness.

But that didn’t mean there wasn’t a hint of melancholy and bitter sweetness within that earnest joy and cause for celebration. None of the six of them knew when they’d next be able to work on something like this again, or if they’d even find the time in the future to work together again at all. It was perhaps because of their shared understanding - that unspoken sadness between all of them that they’d agreed to prepare something special to celebrate one year of their collaboration - a song that spoke of hope and a brighter future. 

‘The more you give up, the more regrets await you.’

By the time the sun rose, accompanied by the shining of morning light through her pastel pink curtains and the melodic chirping of birds nesting upon the wisteria tree just outside her window, her phone has been assaulted with a mountain of unchecked notifications that she dreaded to sort through. 

The girl knew she couldn’t possibly keep her phone locked and switched off forever, and so she’d booted it up after washing up in the shared bathroom, before walking out of her bedroom, staring down at her screen with a light frown.

The smell of fried bacon wafts through the apartment. The sound of sizzling oil intermingles with Hazel’s cheery singing, and Illya takes the time to open the latch of her enclosure, allowing the little sparrow to flutter about the living room until it settled peacefully next to the potted sunflowers that sat upon the window sills of the kitchen, watching the raven haired man flipping eggs effortlessly with a flick of the frypan. 

“Good morning, Kaye. Thank you for making breakfast, again.” Greeting with an ever bright smile, Illya sits herself down at her designated seat at the dining table upon a bright floral cushion, watching as the man turns his head back for a moment before returning his attention to the stove. 

“It’s Sunday, so it’s my turn. You don’t gotta thank me.” He walks over to the dining table to dump the steaming hot sunny side ups and crispy bacon onto their plates, cups of orange juice already poured and waiting, which Illya takes into her hand to take a quick sip out of.

“You checked eorzeatube and twitter yet?” The young man asks as he sets the frypan down, gesturing towards the phone in her hands.

“N-no... Is it urgent?”

“Not really, no.” Kaye raises an eyebrow, sitting himself down and jabbing a fork into his bacon. “But aren’t you curious about how the music video did?”

“I-I am... A little, I suppose... but-” 

Her stammer gives her away her listlessness, and Kaye shoots the girl a furrowed scowl and a frown. 

“Is somethin’ botherin’ you?” The man asks, and Illya’s lips curl upwards into a wide, deceptively warm smile.

“Just nervous is all.. What if the fans didn’t like it?” it wasn’t a complete lie, though not the total truth, but Illya was always exceptionally talented at hiding her negative emotions, and Kaye seems to buy it enough to slump back against the back rest of his chair and toss the bacon into his awaiting mouth, chewing quietly and swallowing before speaking.

“You won’t know till you see for yourself.” 

It’s an unfortunate reality that he’s right, and Illya finally gives in and taps onto the icon for the twitter app, waiting for the timeline feed to load before her star spangled violet eyes widen in complete disbelief.

99+ notifications, an equally unbearable amount of private messages in her inbox as well as the first tweet literally being about the music video - Moth’ir’s retweet of their short promotional video from their official spud squad twitter account, which has garnered over 40 thousand likes and 10 thousand retweets.

#spudsquad and #ultramarinehymn are trending, and Illya gives in to her curiosity enough to tap on the tags and scroll through the tweets.

cosplaycon2022 hype!!! @/oracleoflight  • 18h  my good friend illya and her friends #spudsquad just released #ultramarine hymn and it’s so so so good!!! please give it a watch!! 

EEEEEEEEEE @/driftinintiawind  • 18h @/academician you didn’t tell me your gf was an idol bro???? GOOD SHIT #ultramarinehymn

 pink is JUSTICE @/rosepinkcutie  • 17h OHHHHH I’m goihng to cwyg #ultramarinehymn made me cryuy. iT’S SO GOOD...... #spudsquad i LOVE YOU

Alphinaud @/academician  • 17h Do give your support to #spudsquad ‘s new music video, #ultramarinehymn ! They’ve worked very hard on it!

soliriii @/windupsunshine  • 17h thank you #spudsquad for all the joy you’ve given me for the past year!! what a way to celebrate <3 #ultramarinehymn

hien’s booty @/floortank   • 16h  HEY #ultramarinehymn IS SO LIT THOUGH????? WTF

thancredwaters @/gunbrkrs  • 16h #spudsquad Good job my daughter hasn’t stopped playing this song on repeat for the past 2 hours. 

Nyx @/underthebloodmoon  • 15h Sharing a good friend’s music video here. #ultramarinehymn #spudsquad

Nidhstinien @/azuredragoon  • 15h [youtube link] #ultramarinehymn nice

vergotohelldad @/reveilleur  • 14h only 4 hours after release and #ultramarinehymn is already trending. twitter has some fucking good tastes in music thank the twelve.

Lamittens! @/lalamitt  • 14h Oh to be spud squad long time fan :pleading: I’m so fed... #ultramarinehymn #spudsquad

nhelly @/blackestmage  • 13h I turn around and #spudsquad decided to drop an absolute banger. loving #ultramarinehymn !!

Aymeric de Borel @/officialborel  • 13h A wonderful song that elicits a sense of optimism and hope. #ultramarinehymn

kafuuchi @/cloudsysmile  • 13h hey is it just me or is kaye getting hotter :blush: still a kayelily simp tho!! #ultramarinehymn

KoKomi Komi @/sangopriestess   • 12h @/starblossoms Congratulations on the new MV!! It’s very catchy! #ultramarinehymn

The scroll is endless, timeline filled with a mixture of both familiar and unfamiliar twitter handles, yet all collectively singing praises and awe for the music video and the song. It’s hard to not be overwhelmed by the sheer amount of positive reception their hard work and efforts have received, and Illya tears her eyes away from the screen to look up at Kaye with a twinkle in her wide violet eyes, and the man looks back at her expectedly. 

“I-It...It seems to be very well received.”

“’Seems to be’? The video’s got over five hundred thousand views on eorzeatube from the past 18 hours.”

Illya almost chokes on her eggs, eyes blown wide as she swallows her food abruptly and her voice raises into a high, bewildered squeak.

“F-f-five... hundred thousand???” 

By the twelve, that’s far more than even their highest recorded number of viewers on their biggest stream - and it’s been less than a day since the release of the music video. She cannot imagine just how ecstatic Mint must be at having such a successful idol-esque debut. 

“Does that ease your worries now?” Kaye asks, snapping the girl out of her train of thoughts once more, and he is met with a smile and an affirmative nod in response. 

“It does... thank you, Kaye.” 

Knowing that weeks of preparation, practice and hard work has paid off and finally bore fruit was the biggest relief Illya’s experienced in a while, and the simple knowledge that the sentiment of their song got through to a good number of the fans warmed her heart.

But in the midst of the joy, there was yet an underlying somberness lingering in the air between the pair that was not lost to either of them, as silence quickly fills the atmosphere and quickly turns the space around them cold. 

Scrolling through the top tweets didn’t exactly help either - because while it had quickly eased Illya’s worries of the music video being negatively received, in between praises for the song came the posts of fans who were dejected by the hiatus announcement.

Most of them had been supportive, of course... Their audience has ever been so welcoming, understanding and wonderful to them. But that perhaps made the disappointment they felt even worse on Illya’s melancholy, as she once again quickly slips back into the depths of her own internal mind. 

Because as well received as the music video they’d released is, it still ends with them going their separate ways, and it fills Illya with a sense of already festering loneliness that she refuses to admit verbally to.

She never did like goodbyes. 

‘The time that flows in the blink of an eye. The fear of continuing to be as we are.’

Neither Kaye nor Illya particularly enjoyed talking about their troubles, not even to each other, and so while Kaye could make an educated guess on why Illya seemed so despondent, he makes no comment on it. He was never the best at comforting others anyway.

He lets the silence fester between them even after Illya sets her phone down to focus on her plate full of breakfast, fishing his own device out of his pants pocket and begins to type away at it. 

It isn’t until after a whole ten minutes has passed that he’d finally look up from the screen, expression unreadable yet his voice sounding a modicum more relaxed than it had been a while ago as he calls out to Illya as she was drinking the last of her orange juice. 

“Hey, you’re free tonight, right?” The raven haired man asks, and Illya sets her glass down with a quirk of her eyebrow, if there was even a hint of sorrow in her, she didn’t allow him to hear it.

“Um... I am. Why?”

A smile from Kaye is a rarity, let alone one that carries such gentleness and ease... but the one he’s wearing now is so warm that it blows away the storm clouds that she hadn’t even noticed hanging over her head. 

“Then, are you cool to do an Among us stream tonight? With the other four, of course.”

Sparkling lavender eyes widen, and Illya is silent for a brief moment before stuttering out in response.

“A-aren’t you going over to Lily’s place to help her pack though?? And... the others.. aren’t they-”

“I’ll only be there for the afternoon. We’re only gonna be flying next week so there’s no rush. As for the others, I already asked. You can even invite Alphinaud if you want, the more the merrier.”

“But didn’t we just announce that we’re going on hiatus? I don’t want to trouble the others if they’re too busy either-”

Her pink lips slightly part, voice timid and soft. Hesitation and uncertainty briefly flashing through her twinkling eyes as she averts her gaze from the man and hides them under the shadows of her pure white bangs. But it does little to keep the light red burn of her cheeks and the bridge of her nose from Kaye, who only rolls his eyes at her in response.

“Gods, stop being so nice. I said I already asked and they’re down for it.... well, mostly. Ichi said he wanted to sleep but I’ll drag him outta his bed if I have to. We may be on hiatus, but it’s not like we’re gonna stop hanging out together, right?”

Though Kaye’s tone is rough and his words are painfully honest, his tongue as sharp as the gaze of his midnight blue eyes, Illya knew there was kindness laced beneath his huff, and the tension in her body slowly begins to fade, making way for a brighter, far more honest and radiant smile that washed away the chill of the air like a spring breeze.

He’s right, as he often is. 

Even if they may go their separate ways in the future, they will still always remain connected as friends, holding the memories they made together close in their hearts. 

Her phone’s buzzing with notifications again, and she takes a peek down at the lit up screen, her heart warming at the equally excited messages from her beloved friends. From Mint who is spamming :mikurave: emotes, to Lily who was telling Ichi that no, a schedule with his bed isn’t a valid excuse and Nanami who was offering to set up the stream for the night... Things are all as it should be, right here and now where they are together - where they are home. 

“If everyone’s fine with it then... I’ll join too. Don’t raid Ichi’s flat, though!” 

Illya lets out a giggle that rings out like windchimes in a cool summer breeze, and Kaye clicks his tongue with a shrug of his shoulder.

“He gave me his keys for this exact reason, he doesn’t mind. How do you think he always makes it in time for our streams? All I need to wake him up is a fork and porcelain plate and-”

“Kaye! That’s... that’s so mean-”

‘I'll hug you with equal parts expectation and anxiety. You and I, weaving the present, illuminating the future.’

[gnomebud]

i've seen u post about thatskygame a couple times on twitter and it looks really neat (fairies in a big forest? maybe?) could you tell me more about it? :O

cracks knuckles ohohoho yes i can!!!!!!!!! i am so sorry this is going to be so long i love sky a lot tysm emma

sky: children of the light is a free mobile (and soon switch as well!!) game about community and sharing and restoring light to the world, in sort of. the broader thematic strokes, i guess!! it’s by the same folks who made the game journey, thatgamecompany (hence why sky is usually tagged with thatskygame) and is very similar if you’ve played that one, but also a lot different!!! sky is much more collaborative and encouraging of interacting with other people — throughout the game you collect winged light (to grow your flying ability, like in journey) and candle light (to unlock friendship levels, spirit bonus cosmetics, etc) but Primarily you are visiting and freeing spirits, and playing with other people makes a lot of this both easier and more fun!

image description: my sky character, wearing a blue manta cape and antlers, stands in a grassy cave area watching one of the spirits, in a yellow cape, pose and glow brightly. /end id

there are lots of areas that require multiple players to unlock, it’s really easy to make friends or acquaintances with people, and also you can hug your friends in game. what’s better than that!!!!!! when you free spirits you get an emote that is unique to that character, and while sky has an in-game chat system you have to advance friendship with another player to use it, so you’re encouraged to find spirits & get their emotes to use at other strangers in the game to then help find other spirits or just explore together!!!! which is how u get people lighting each other’s candles and then just doing, like, crab emote at each other for a solid ten minutes. it’s also a nice low pressure way of interacting with people both across language barriers and without the stakes of Becoming Friends And Having To Talk

one of my favorite parts of the game is using candles (which you collect as you play) to unlock cosmetics (hairstyles, outfits, masks, different capes, instruments, etc) from the spirits you visit! it’s a very fun way to customize your character in this very specific way, and honestly i just love. getting on and deciding hmm what little outfit will i put my little guy in today!!!! what’s better than that!!!!! my current pfp is one of my favorite outfits in the game (as drawn by one of the friends i play with now, @/REVERIEQUE on twt) but i have a lot of favorite capes and hairstyles!! u can also get spells which allow u to change ur height, set off fireworks, wear a special cape, etc etc

image description: my sky character wearing a cherry blossom petal cape and antlers sitting under a small cherry tree in a sandy area. /end id

u don’t use candles for this, but unlocking spirits can also allow you different voices for your character — when you tap on your character in sky you Yell, basically, which initially is a sort of musical tone but you can change to be more like a high pitched bird chirp, or a warbly jellyfish call, or just. a fish. yelling in sky lets other people know where you are, tells you where to go if lost, helps butterflies recharge your light, and also recharges your friends’ light when playing with them! basically the game encourages you to scream

the big forest u are referring to is one of 7 main areas in sky- hidden forest! it’s a lovely little rainy forest area in lots of blues and greens, i also really like daylight prairie, which is a nice sunny field area that also features an island w geysers, and valley of triumph, which is this snowy/sandy obstacle course/colliseum type area? you unlock the different areas as you progress when you start the game! and every day there are four little quests to get bonus candles in one of the areas! tangentially relevant but movement is Such a delight in the game — flying feels cool, running feels cool, and you can slide down hills and skate on ice and different surfaces in a way that is SO satisfying to do

image description: my sky character, wearing a green cape with a blue backpack and an orange on their head, standing in a rainy, tree-filled river area. /end id

the music is also. fuckign gorgeous. volume 1 of the soundtrack was only released a bit ago and i play it Constantly it is such gorgeous orchestral music for a free mobile game.... it sets the tone of each area so well and also Slaps!!!!!!! it’s amazing

to an extent sky has lore, and sort of a plotline/story progression, but it also isn’t necessarily focused on Following A Story to play — there are very broad ideas and things you know happen, but mostly it is like. you exist in this world. here is what you are doing. have fun & make friends doing it. and i think that’s very neat!!!! i don’t know if i can parse in a understandable way what sky means to me thematically, but it deals a lot with helping others, honoring those who came before you, making friends and sharing experiences, sacrifice, and in general making the world a better place through kindness and helping others, even in miserable places, and i think it works wonderfully as very simple concepts conveyed incredibly well in game. the “”last”” area (eden) made me cry the first time i went through it because it was just. oh man!!! this is about connecting with people & helping them & doing it as many times as it takes to help as many people as we can, even when it is almost impossible. and it’s lovely! one of my best friends got me into it, and i usually play with them, and now i’ve successfully gotten @diapensia into it, and it is so fun to share with others too :’) like a little secret. here take this free game that is so simple and yet so beautiful

image description: two sky characters holding hands and glowing softly while floating in the boughs of a cherry blossom tree with glowing pink petals. /end id

ALSO one of the ways sky makes money is by doing seasons — usually two-ish month events that you have to pay to play and offer bonus content, new spirits, and new areas! the seasons usually have a cute little storyline — past ones have been about helping a little figure skater spirit train for a performance, the current one is about helping a kid and their friends build a treehouse in hidden forest! usually it’s like $10 for a pass or $20 if you get one for three people, but they’re lots of fun and usually the bonus cosmetics are Amazing! they’re doing a little prince themed season this...summer i think? that i am so excited for

i have talked about sky for so long so here is a few final fun facts. crabs will try to knock you out in the game and in retaliation you can just pick them up and hold them forever. there are jellyfish and manta rays and other fun ocean creatures. you can PLAY INSTRUMENTS IN THE GAME, which is how you end up with shit like hatsune miku songs getting covered in-game by folks with way more patience for a tiny phone key layout than me

[pebblysand]

[JULY ‘21] - THE LIFE UPDATE NO ONE ASKED FOR (AND SOME QUICK LINKS)

Well, hello team! How’s everyone? I am told, to my utmost surprise, that it is now July. Jaysus, how time flies. June is my favourite month, so perhaps that’s why it just completely cruised by. I blinked, and here we are. Who would have thought?

Anyway, here are some quick links to different blog pages you might not see on mobile :

to read my fics

to read my original work [updated]

fic recs

to read my tumblr rants about stuff [updated]

[NOTE: i am currently not accepting prompts because it's let-s-dig-ourselves-into-a-hole-and-write-castles time. yay!]

Castles (chap 9) ETA: We’re probably looking at sometime between the 1st and the 15th of August. Fingers crossed, sooner rather than later.

links extended a/n-s: chapter v ; chapter vi & vii ; chapter viii

Project tracker:

You now get an excel sheet. With colours (green is done, orange is due within the month). Because I’m very Type A.

Recent reads:

I’ve barely read fic, this month, let alone books. I always have this thing that if I’m writing, I find it hard to read because if I do, I find that Other People’s Stuff is better than mine and just stop writing altogether. I’m hoping to get some reading done when I’m on holiday in August though.

In other news:

This has been a good month, all things considered, I really can’t complain. Ireland has slightly reopened (outdoor dining at least) which has meant I’m seeing a lot more of my mates. The weather has also been incredibly sunny so I’ve been going on these super long walks by the beach, it’s been fab. Objectively.

Subjectively, I don’t know. I suppose I’ve sort of been trying to beat the feeling of being stuck on a hamster wheel? There’s a ‘routine’ feeling to this pandemic that is sort of doing my head in. I miss traveling, I miss spontaneous decisions, I miss - dare I say - dating? I’m not one for meeting people online but I live alone and fuck, I’m sort of done with the whole wake up, make coffee, turn laptop on, go for a walk, go to bed, repeat, feeling of inertia. Work is not very busy at the moment, which is great because it’s given me time to write, but I also have this sense of guilt like honestly, I should be spending my days doing something else than just writing fanfiction or listening to podcasts (has anyone listened to West Cork? OMG, I’m hooked). Should I look for another job? Should I try writing “for real”? What am I doing with my life?

If you have answers, let me know, lol.

In the meantime, let’s enjoy the summer. Big life decisions can wait.

Love,

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Weird, “Keep them Warm pt. 2″

So it looks like this one will become a mini series, there are to many possibilities to explore, and I am having a very interesting time exploring it. So hop on for the ride if you want, and ignore it if you don't. Hope you all have a great day, and forgive me, my computer is in the shop so I had to write this up on an I-pad. 

The entire crew was there, or at least 25%, sitting in the chow hall staring at the door and waiting. There was conversation of course, but the real issue was something far more interesting, which was about to walk through that door.

Sunny sat with them a mixture of worry and gleeful amusement.

A scrape on the floor caused the entire cafeteria to turn and go completely silent as commander shuffled in through the door. His hair was a ragged mess his eyes were red with exhaustion attested to by the dark circles under his eyes. He wore a pair of shorts, and a somewhat rumbled top unbuttoned down the front. Not out of any need to show off, but probably because the buttons wouldn’t be likely to button over the six, black alien eggs nestled flat against his stomach.

He walked over to the far counter to pour himself some orange juice, and when he turned around it registered in his head that he was being stared at. The frown that crossed his face was a rather awkward mixture of annoyance and embarrassment, “The hell are you looking at.” He growled to the room, and they quickly turned away pretending not to stare, which was difficult to hide since they totally were.

Commander Vir grumbled grabbed a plate, and then two, of pancakes before walking over to the table at which Sunny sat throwing himself down next to her shoulders hunched.

The marines that sat at the table with them exchanged glances grinning stupidly at each other.

“How did you sleep last night commander?” Wondered one of the marines. She almost pulled off sounding concerned.

Commander Vir lifted his head eyeing the group of them, “Horrible, I can’t sleep on my stomach…. I always sleep on my stomach.” He turned back to his food shoveling pancakes into his mouth with careless abandon.

“I think my wife has an old pregnancy pillow you could use.”

Ramirez choked on his juice.

The table finally broke into a fit of giggling contained since the man had walked into the room, “You know what, Fuck you Palensky, and your stupid hair.” That just caused another eruption of giggling about the table as the man tried to ignore them going back to his food.

“You might want to slow down there Commander, they aren’t going to grow legs and run off.”

“I’m HUNGRY, so sue me.”

“I’m not entirely sure hungry is an apt description.” One of the marines pointed out, watching as the Commander pilfered a plate from one of the marines who was conveniently looking the other way.

“Sorry, Ravenous, I just didn’t want to use words to big for you jarheads.” He tucked in as the unfortunate marine turned around and noticed his plate missing before sighing and getting up to retrieve another one.

“Chairforce.” Came the retort

“Bullet Sponge.”

“That’s army.”

“Fine you’re ugly and stupid.”

“Least I’m not pregnant.”

The bright green eye turned an angry glare on the grinning marine, “I’m not ‘pregnant’ I have a parasite.”

“Pretty sure that’s a synonym for pregnant.” Sunny added smugly as the commander turned to glare at her.

“Coming from someone who doesn’t even speak english.” He sighed looking down at his stomach, “These are exogenous egg sacks that have attached themselves to my organs and are now feeding off my innards.”

“Kind of like how an egg attaches to the lining of the uterus and then attaches itself to your innards…..” one of the female marines wondered innocently,.

The angry gaze turned to her, “I hope the next time you’re on your period you have a sneezing fit.”

She frowned, “That’s cold ... wait…. how did you know about that?”

“I have a sister, so don’t jump to any stupid conclusions.” He sighed, “My back hurts.”

More giggling.

“Shut up, these things are heavy ok, like five pounds each.”

It was just then that doctor Katie and Krill made their way into the room. They appeared to be discussing some charts speaking animatedly with each other before walking over.

Katie squeezed in next to him and one of the marines while Krill floated at her side.

“How are we feeling this morning, Commander.”

“Friggin’ fantastic, can’t you tell.” He gave an exaggerated crazy person smile before going back to frowning.

She placed a hand on his forehead turning to look at Krill, “No fever, which is what he hoped for. No signs of rejection.”

“Great.” The man grumbled trying to pull away from her as she continued to examine him.

“Dry skin….” She glanced down, “Excessive hunger.” He shot another glare at her, “Mood changes.”

“Sounds like a protein deficiency.” krill muttered

“In under a day?.... seems a bit unlikely.”

THe doctor waved his hands, “Well so does one of our crew members getting together with an alien, but here we are.”

Giggling.

The commander turned to look at them, “Ok, first of all, I did not, ‘get together’ with her, I‘m just the incubator.”

“If any of us was going to get it on with an alien, it was gonna be him.” One of the marines muttered.

The commander slammed his fork down on the table, “Alright THAT'S IT.” And before anyone could do anything, he was across the table and was reaching for the marine who had opened his mouth.

Sunny, strong as she was, caught him around the legs and hauled him back ,”Alright, That’s enough. Why don’t we go see if the doctors can figure out what’s wrong.” She carried him away glaring back at the table of laughing marines.

***

Turns out, they weren’t entirely inaccurate on the protein assessment. As a primarily carnivorous species is, the eggs were taking heavily from his already existing protein. If this were to continue, he would probably see an extreme drop in weight.

By the time he returned to the bridge, his mood from that morning had significantly improved.

“Feeling any better, Commander?” Sunny ventured unsure of which man she should be expecting.

He returned his signature lopsided and rather rueful smile, “A lot better, thanks…. there is some amount of good news to this whole thing.”

The bridge crew looked up from their work interested as he took his seat, “I can eat whatever I want whenever I want in whatever quantity I so please…..” He tried adjusting his jacket over the concealed eggs.

Beneath the rather, bulky leather jacket, one might have simply assumed the man was carrying a few extra pounds instead of some alien egg sack.

“Ok, now that’s just not fair.” The crew turned to look at the lieutenant, who had crossed her arms angrily over her chest, “When I had kids I was so hungry I could have eaten everything in existence, but they told me just to eat an extra yogurt. This is bullshit.”

Commander Vir smirked, “I guess I have that going for me.” The smile then slipped from his face, “Now to…. make a couple of calls. Specialist, get me the admiral and the GA chairwoman on a conference line, they will probably want to know what’s going on.”

He leaned back in his chair as the projection leap up in front of them. They had to wait a good five minutes for the call to connect, and the screen split into two separate feeds. One was the face of their admiral, she looked tired with dark circles under her eyes barely visible against her deep skin tone. The Commander couldn’t have said what the Rundi chairwoman looked like, they weren’t exactly known for their mobile facial expressions.

Honestly she just looked like some bizarre ant-headed ostrich as always.

“Commander, I received your transmission. You said it was urgent.”

The rundi chairwoman shifted in her place dark robes flowing about her strange alien frame, “This isn’t about your first contact with the Adaptids, is it? We were hoping for your report yesterday.”

The man shifted nervously in his seat, “Well… yes, this is in fact about our contact with…. what did you call them, the Adaptids.”

“Well I am assuming you are here and alive, so I assume things went well.”

He shifted again nervously, “Well ... actually…. ma’am, we caught a bit of a snag.”

The rundi chairwoman sighed and shook her head, “I was worried something like this would happen. Did they reject our overtures of peace, did something go wrong. Did we offend them somehow?”

The commander lifted his hands, “No, no…. nothing like that. I…. it’s just…. well. They agreed to ally with us as friends.”

The admiral leaned back in her chair, “That is good news isn’t it, commander?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Than I hardly see the snag?” The rundi chairwoman nodded her head in agreement.

The commander sighed, “Were you aware of the Adaptid’s…. precular…. mating rituals?”

The admiral shook her head, but the chairwoman nodded, “We were aware of their trigender system.”

The commander’s eyes narrowed slightly, “Were you also aware of their ability to borrow the DNA of other species?”

“Yes, we were passingly aware of that as a matter of fact. We theorized that’s why they look so….. how shall we say ... thrown together. Almost as if other creatures had been assimilated.”

“So than you have only yourself to blame for what happened.” The commander accused leaning forward in his seat.

The admiral leaned forward in confusion, “What are you talking about, Commander!.”

She was ignored for the moment as Commander Vir and the Rundi chairwoman locked eyes, “You were completely aware of this, and decided not to warn my crew before going out there…..”

She remained very quiet for a long moment, “Oh no….”

“Oh no what!” the admiral demanded, “If Someone doesn’t tell me what’s going on in the next five seconds I-“

She was cut off as the Commander unzipped his jacket allowing the leather to slide off his shoulders and onto the chair behind him. He was standing now, and form the back he looked almost completely normal, at least to Sunny. A structure made up of powerful corded muscle flexing smoothly under the sheet of pale skin. But when he turned, the issue became more than abundantly clear, “You knew this might happen!” The. commander growled as the Rundi chairwoman covered her face in stunned horror.

The admiral leaned in eyes narrowed with confusion and facination, “What the fuck is that, Commander?”

Commander Vir turned to look at the Rundi chairwoman, “Why don’t you go ahead and tell the admiral what these are.”

The admiral did not appear particularly happy glowering at her screen and, what must have been, and image of the Rundi chairwoman, “Go on.”

The chairwoman dropped her hands from her face and sighed, “We discovered the adaptids a little over two cycles ago. At first we weren’t sure if they were sentient based on the way they communicate. It took a very long time for even our best linguists, along with our best chemical analysis to determine that they were, in fact, communicating in some rudimentary way. Of course ... while we were there, we did notice that they had a strange mating system. The common binary male and female pair, but with the addition of the third gender to incubate the eggs, a third party without which they would not survive, a trigender system if you will. Of course we also noticed that the eggs had the DNA of all three parents.”

“No….. no, don’t tell me you’re going where I think you’re going.”

She kept it up with a sigh of frustration, “When they implant the eggs, they are attached first to the skin, but then send filaments into the body which take nutrients and DNA from the third parent…. it does not require a specific reproductive system for this third event to be accomplished.”

The admiral stood nearly knocking over her chair, “AND YOU DIDN’T THINK THIS WAS IMPORTANT TO MENTION!” she Waved her hand wildly at the screen, “You neglected to share information, as was your duty, and now one of my men is harboring an alien parasite that is borrowing his DNA…. and now we are going to end up with some sort of arachnid human hybrid!”

The chairwoman slumped in her seat, “We had no idea that the queen would do this without discussing it first….. the other times we tried-“

“Now hold the damn phone for just one second. The FIRST time you tried! Are you telling me you tried to make OTHER hybrids. Not to mention that these things can BARELY communicate and you expected it to have the foresight to ask permission first….. no no, you know what; you gave it permission when you decided to experiment…. what were you even doing anyway?”

She slumped further down in her seat, “We thought that if they were able to use the DNA of a host species, than the offspring might have the ability to use language, to communicate like the rest of us. Their particular abilities make them invaluable in the GA, on ships, everywhere. Can you imagine what would happen if we crossed them with something like the starborn…. what they could do…..”

“Screw you, screw that. You had no idea what you were doing, and now one of my men is having alien babies! Not a scentence I ever wanted to fucking say, you absolute bag of-“

“I would watch your tone admiral, what’s done is done, and I am still head of the council.”

“A council that has withheld information from one of their most important assets, and now you are responsible for whatever abominable human hybrid is going to come out of those things.” She paused for a moment eyes darting towards the commander, “….. unless we….. ….. get rid of them.”

“NO!”

The two figures turned to their screen in shock, as did the rest of the crew as the voice rang out across the bridge. Commander Vir had taken a step back from the screen chin dropping over his exposed neck, shoulders hunching hands held slightly out to cover the eggs, “No, you are not killing them.”

The admiral turned her head in confusion, “but commander.”

“No, I agree with you that the chairwoman and the council were out of line when they neglected to warn us about the potential consequences, but I will NOT let you or anyone else hurt them.”

“Commander, it is in your best interest to get rid of them.”

Over the screen, the man’s single green eye was cold and still, “Is that an order…… because if it is I will tender my resignation right here and now, and you can find someone else to Command this fleet.”

The room was dead silent stuck in place with shock and surprise. Sunny didn’t even notice that her mouth had fallen open. Adam loved his job, he would never.

Silence, and then the admiral sighed, “No, Commander, that is not an order. Calm down, I was only exploring our options, but clearly this is not one, though I hardly understand why.”

Commander Vir took his seat, “It isn’t an option because, while I'm not exactly pleased, and it wasn’t exactly my first choice, well…..  there are worse things I suppose. I’m just feeding them, and keeping them warm.”

“And allowing them to borrow some of your DNA.” The admiral pointed out.

“Yes, let’s hope that they get my vocal cords.”

The Admiral sighed deeply head in her hands, “Very well commander, But I want you down here immediately so we can keep an eye on your for the foreseeable future. I don’t want to lose one of my men if things go sideways.”

“Yes Ma’am. I will be sure to keep in contact.”

The admiral nodded and then turned her steely amber eyes upon the rundi chairwoman, “And you, you are going to send someone down here to assist us. You’ve made your bed, now lie in it, cut transmission.”

The screen went dark, and Adam slumped back in his chair head back, “Well, that went about as well as expected. Specialist, send the next transmission to my quarters if you would. The number one spot on my personal contact list. Make sure you get permission form the UNSC for this one.”

***

He was actually more nervous about this call than he was about the first one, which is why he had roped Sunny into being his support system. She sat herself at his desk head tilted curiously as he paced about the room waiting for the transmission to go through.

“Why did you say no?” She finally queried, “This could all be over if you wanted.”

He lifted his head from his contemplation and looked her in the eyes, “Curiosity…. But mostly….. well I. I don’t think it’s as big a deal as everyone is making it out to be. It’s not hurting me physically or psychologically, it's no different from a parasite, causes less problems, and if not, they may eventually be useful to us.”

“Do you really want this to be the first use of your DNA?” She ventured curiously.

He tilted his head, “You make it sound like they are actually my kids. Look if someone took my DNA and made a homunculus out of it, I would feel the same way I do now. I am a means to an end an adaption for them.” He turned away from her, “Besides it’s not like y DNA was being put to any particular use anyway, might as well let someone else borrow it.”

She shook her head, but whatever thoughts she might have had about the situation were cut off as the transmission tone came on.

“Accept transmission.” The commander said taking a seat on a chair opposite sunny.

“Adam, are you alright?”

A wry smile, “Can’t I just call my parents because I love them.”

“Did you gain weight.”

He frowned, “Serious mom, that’s what you notice?”

The human woman in the image crossed her arms, “Only in conjunction with the bags under your eyes. You look exhausted, are you ok?”

“Yes, mother, I’m fine…. well mostly fine.”

Her voice rose a few octaves, “What do you mean mostly fine! Adam, what happened. Honey! Come here, something happened to Adam!”

“Mom, calm down its ok. You don’t need to bring d-.... father.”

“Adam, what’s all this about something happening to you…. did you gain weight?”

He huffed, “Ok, no I did not, and both of you need to stop with that ... see it’s really no big deal. I’m fine, everyone is fine no one is hurt or dying or sick, and as far as I know” he griped, “No one has gained an exorbitant amount of weight.”

“I’m sensing a but in there, boy, so spit it out.”

He sighed and sat back on his chair, “Look, I was sent out to make contact with another alien species, like I normally do…. there was a…. miscommunication.”

His father’s eyes narrowed, “What sort of ...miscommunication.”

“They…. incubate their eggs at high temperatures, the higher the better usually around 90 degrees, but they also require a…. host to survive, and since we were making a peace overture, the queen thought that the best way to show her interest in what we were saying was to….”

He was cut off, “Oh no, no no no, Adam please don’t tell me what I think you’re telling me.”

Instead of answering, Adam reached up and gripped the zipper of his jacket, “Promise you keep this secret. No one said anything out right, but I’m assuming it’s classified.”

His mother moaned in inner emotional pain, “No Adam, please no.”

He unzipped his jacket, tossed it on the bed standing straight and holding his arms out so they could see the six, painfully obvious fist-sized black eggs attached to his skin.”

His mother screamed, his father spit out a line of truly horrendous curses Sunny wouldn’t have expected him of knowing.

“That’s it! We are coming up there right now!Whose Alien ass do I have to kick to-“

“Mom”

“The audacity, the sheer nerve of that c-“

“MOM!”

She went silent though the thunderous look on her face remained, “I’m ok, honestly they’re just attached to the outside, and yes ok maybe they are borrowing my DNA and…. my lungs and my liver, but no big deal. Krill says they should be gone in a month.”

His father held up a hand, “Now hold on, son, did you say DNA….”

He sighed deeply, “Yes, sir, DNA. The male and female are the primary donors, but then they have a third….. sort of host who supplies the rest. It appears as if they can assimilate DNA from any species as long as they can survive.”

His father crossed his arms, “So, to put that bluntly, my next grandchildren are going to be some kind of alien human hybrid. Is that what I’m hearing?”

Adam sighed deeply punching the bridge of his nose between finger and thumb squeezing his eyes shut, “No, that’s not what I’m saying, dad, not in the way that we understand it anyway. Technically these things will have less than a third of my DNA, they won’t be structurally human in any way, but they may adapt to take the traits which may be best to survive. It’s Evolution but scaled incredibly quickly.”

“That all seems like semantics to me.” His father continued stubbornly.

Adam sighed.

“Can’t you just get rid of them?” His mother wondered

Adam frowned, “Why does everyone keep suggesting that. Did you ever suggest that to my sister?”

“I thought you just said these were parasites, not children.” His father pointed out

Adam groaned, “yes, and no…. ahhhg, look, I’m not getting rid of them, and that’s final. I just wanted to call you guys and let you know what’s going on. I am going to be fine, and who knows, we may be able to communicate with these things once it’s all said and done.”

His mother did not look convinced, “I don’t like this Adam, not one bit. WHy do you constantly insist on getting yourself into trouble with aliens, and then once you do, you defend them.”

Sunny remained silent, she knew exactly who his mother was talking about. She had never liked Sunny much, not after she learned what she had done to Adam during the war.

“Because I’m not nearly as angry at them as you are. Besides mother this is just two months, it isn’t going to change my life, and it may actually be useful. So, my decision is final.” He crossed his arms over his chest, “I have to go…. oh, and mom.”

“Yes Adam?”

“Don’t let Jeremy and the others know. I’d never hear the end of it, transmission over.”

The screen went dead and he slumped back into his seat with a groan

“Are you alright?” Sunny ventured quietly

Adam threw up his hands in frustration, “I'm beginning to wonder if I should be more upset about this than I am. Everyone else seems to think it’s some horrible issue. It’s just two months, and I’m ok.”

Sunny stood and walked over to sit next to him, placing a hand on his arm, “Not so many people are as forgiving as you are. A violation of their privacy, a decision made for them against their will?”

He snorted, leaning his head against her arm, “Yeah because my abs are such a great violation of my personal space. Now if she had laid them down my throat, I think I might just take issue with that.”

“Well they did attach themselves to your liver.”

“Yeah, one of the organs that I can grow back, ohhh I am so offended.”

Sunny shook her head, “You're a strange man, Adam.”

“I know, but you love it.”

“Do I?”

He closed his eyes, “Yeah, you do.”

[userastarion]

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[rambleandbabble]

Fresh Morning Dew or Don’t? A Review of Happy Skin Dew Cooling Lip & Cheek Tint #2

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen! It’s your resident liquid / cream blush whore, bringing you reviews on, well, liquid / cream blushes. What else would this blog be about? Tints, you say? Why yes! Tints are also included. They’re multi-purpose as well, perfect for makeup enthusiasts who like to get the most out of their buck.

New followers of the blog, welcome ♥ Thank you so much.

Today, we will be reviewing this:

What is it? It’s the Happy Skin Dew Cooling Lip and Cheek Tint

What are its claims? According to Happy Skin’s website, “The Fresh Morning Dew Cooling Lip & Cheek Tint is both hydrating and cooling, making it the most refreshing lip tint! The milky soft texture provides smooth, high coverage color that cools into a long-lasting stain. Lightweight yet vibrant, this no-mess lip tint delivers intense but natural color while helping maintain moisturized lips all day.“ It has 3ml of product, and can be applied on the cheek and lips.

They also claimed that the tint is infused with Hyaluronic Acid, which makes the skin and lips moisturized, and natural mint for soothing the skin. Paraben-free. Vegan and cruelty free.

This tint has a lot to live up to, especially for dry lipped girls like yours truly.

I purchased this lip and cheek tint because I was curious with the formula and plus, the colors of this collection intrigued me. Rarely do I encounter lip and cheek tints that provide nude, brown colors, and these are the types of tints / blushes that I live for. I originally wanted to purchase their Color Play Multi-Use Mousse in the shade Dawn because of the color, but granted that I already know how the formula is and I still have a lot of Peach Bum remaining, I figured I might try something new. Hence, I purchased this in the shade, Latte Fix.

This shade, upon first swatching, reminded me of Happy Skin’s Color Play Multi-Use Mousse in the shade, Peach Bum, and for a moment, I thought I had made a mistake. BUT when applied on the lips, it appeared more like a brown than an orange shade, so imagine my relief, because I prefer browns and I LOATHE ORANGE BLUSHES. It’s just a personal preference, but yes, you’ll never see me review any orange blushes here. Happy Skin’s Color Play Multi-Use Mousse in the shade, Peach Bum is an exception.

Latte Fix is described as a ginger nude, so imagine nude brown orange. Upon application on the lips, the brown stood out, but as it faded, the stain left it as a muted orange, which, initially, I minded a lot, but the brown was the more dominant color regardless of how many ways I applied it, so I ended up being okay with the shade.

SHADE COMPARISON

Happy Skin Color Play in Peach Bum: An orange shade with pink & brown undertones. When saturated, is more orange than Latte Fix, but when blended and with little product used, produces an orange-brown-pink shade. Has notes of pink compared to Latte Fix, which was more of a brown with muted orange tones. Stays the longest and most pigmented among the three. 

Sunnies Face Airblush in Biscuit: A warm toned brown, browner than Latte Fix. May have hints of orange as well, but not as much as Latte Fix. Least pigmented of the three despite swatching so much product on my arm. Okay staying power, stays longer than Latte Fix.

PRODUCT REVIEW

Let’s review the product based from the claims that Happy Skin listed down on their website.

This tint is hydrating and cooling! - Why, yes it is. This is what actually surprised me about this tint, because most tints that I have tried before have dried my lips out one way or another. I wasn’t expecting the moisturizing effects this had on my lips, and how I didn’t feel the need to apply a lip balm often while the product was still on. The product does cling onto the dry patches of my lips, and stains more so in those areas, so I suggest exfoliating your lips prior to use for best results.

This tint has a milky soft texture - True to its description, the formula reminded me of Peripera’s Water Gel tint, which also has a similar gel like consistency, except that Happy Skin’s Dew Cooling Lip and Cheek tint was creamier in a way compared to Peripera, which was more of a soft gel-watered down consistency. The way they apply on the cheeks is pretty similar. As for lip application, this tint is more moisturizing than Peripera’s, which is a plus for me. The tint is easy to blend, and the soothing sensation felt when blending it on my face felt really good and refreshing. The downside, I must say though, is that application felt tacky and it took a few minutes for the product to set, probably because of the hyaluronic acid in it, which is also tacky for a few minutes before setting. The tint feels light on the skin, but if you apply it on top of concealer or powder, you could feel both products on the skin, along with minimal tackiness too. Based from experience for products with hyaluronic acid, once I started sweating, the tackiness returns. I haven’t tried sweating while wearing this tint, but here’s a heads up just in case. I don’t see it clinging onto the dry patches of my skin either. The product did not break me out after a few days of use.

Products Used: Happy Skin Dew Cooling Lip and Cheek Tint in the shade, Latte Fix

The product left a brown stain that melded into the skin, giving you this natural dewy glow that you wished you were blessed with by the gods. It goes well on the eyes, but fair warning: the product has mint extracts and peppermint oil, so thread carefully, lest you intend to burn your eyes with this product. There’s a reason why they endorsed this as a lip and cheek product only, but I like to defy convention for the sake of getting my money’s worth. Plus, it looks nice.

This tint provides smooth, high coverage color that cools into a long-lasting stain - It is smooth yet tacky upon application. Pigmentation is alright. I wouldn’t say high coverage because the formula isn’t packed with purely pigment, but I prefer it that way because it makes it easier to apply and blend. User-friendly, if you will. It does leave a nice stain that remains on the face for a while, but given how it was easily removed with makeup wipes, I can only assume that it would last at most 8 hours on the eyes and cheeks with commute during a hot, sweaty day (I can’t really test that because it’s the rainy season now in the Philippines and we’re still under quarantine). As for the lips, although the product transfers and comes off easily, it does leave a stain. However, because this is a nude color, the pigment doesn’t last long and the stain fades away easily. This might be a different case for a darker shade (like Sunrise, which is a burnt peach color).

This tint is a lightweight, no mess (tint), (that provides an) intense but natural color - True (they didn’t claim it to be weightless, after all), true, true. Because it’s so easy to blend, you can’t really make a mess out of it. Plus, the applicator is small and thin, so you can get more controlled applications. Reduces mess. (A possible issue though is that the applicator is bendable, which makes it easier to break.) Color is natural and not as intense as your Colourette Colourtints (which are, pure pigment powders in oil and beeswax, hence the pigmentation), but I like it that way because then you could build it up as much as you’d like.

This tint helps maintain moisturized lips all day - This is where I have to disagree with you, Happy Skin. YMMV, I know. Maybe it applies for the general public. But being the girl with them dry lips, this product does not help maintain moisturized lips all day. It is moisturizing only for 1-2 hours before the product is wiped off my lips for some reason (be it food, kissing, saliva), but after that, I would need to reapply to get the moisturizing effect once more.

And here’s another thing that I noticed with the tint on my lips. If you’re like me who puckers her lips a lot, you might notice the product clumping when you do so. Even with some minimal puckering.

I don’t know if you could notice that small clump on my bottom lip, a bit off center, but it’s there. I tried this with other lip tints to see if the product would clump up if I pucker up a lot, but the clumping didn’t happen when I applied my Peripera Water Gel tint. As for my Colourette Colourtint, there were some clumps, but it was barely noticeable. But if you apply too much of this product on your lips, expect some clumps to form when you pucker your lips a lot. To minimize the clumping effects, I suggest you apply a thin layer of product and let it set for a while. Oh, and prevent puckering your lips, if that’s possible.

RECOMMENDATIONS

Modify the formula to minimize this clumping effect on the lips, and minimize the formula’s initial tackiness felt upon application on the face

A less mobile, more stable applicator - for users who may not have good hand control, a bendy applicator allows for easy breakage when manipulating it. Even I am cautious when handling it, as I mishandle makeup at times. But the size is good.

Lengthen the moisturizing effect on the lips for more than 1-2 hours? And leave the lips moisturized after the product has faded from the lips. Fenty Beauty’s Gloss Bomb leaves my lips moisturized even after the product has faded on my lips. That kind of effect, if possible.

RATING

Packaging: 4/5 (the mobile applicator has that risk of breaking off easily if you mishandle it by accident; the frosted glass packaging is a win for me, however)

Pigmentation: 4/5

Formula: 4/5 (If it weren’t for the initial tackiness on the skin and on top of makeup, this would’ve been a 5)

Longevity: 3.5/5

Skin Comfort: 4/5

Price: 4/5

SUMMARY

Overall, the Happy Skin Dew Cooling Lip and Cheek Tint provides the effect of naturally flushing skin, something that a liquid / cream blush / tint is supposed to give you. Albeit tacky during application, it is easy to blend to the skin, giving you this dewiness that is best suited on bare skin. The color choices scream summer vibes, and are suitable for mestizas and morenas. While it may produce clumps on the lips, it is moisturizing, albeit for a good 1-2 hours in my case, and does not cling onto the dry patches of my skin. I’d recommend it to people who like brown shades of blushes, but not so much because of the formula itself, as mentioned in detail above. For the price of PhP 399.00, would I say this is worth it? Yes, with reservations.

Happy Skin prides itself in infusing skincare ingredients in its products, and while I do appreciate the lengths they went through for providing unconventional nude shades in tints and the moisturizing effects it had on my lips, the Cooling Lip & Cheek Tint is not something that I would repurchase again, unless some modifications are done. I think it is priced appropriately, given the skincare ingredients it is infused with and the unique shades, but I dislike the tackiness upon first application, the clumps formed on my lips whenever I’d pucker up, and how it leaves my lips dry upon removing the product despite its claims to maintain moisture all day. It took a few days for the product to grow on me, and while I am pleased with how it looks on my skin, I would say that the formula is a mere step up from your conventional lip and cheek tints, but not mind blowing or spectacular.

I really wanted to love this product a lot like how I love, love, love the Color Play Multi-Use Mousse, but I can’t. If some modifications were to be made, I would love to try it out again and give my thoughts, hopefully more favorable ones.

[stevecoleridge-posts]

Day 6 ..Friday          Struggling .. which is why i did nt see the news or spend time on Social Media yesterday..          I thought it would be a breeze and after a little concentration id have it down .. but no , even the first part…known as lumpedy lump was proving tough , because of the triplet  walk up from the V to the 1.. and i think thats the part Jimmy Reed himself is playing…   If you ve read previous episodes you will know i refer to Honest I Do….the song.   Im learning it on a You Tube lesson , now a lot of people who think of themselves as pros , seem to think there s some sort  of stigma ro learning stuff on You Tube, but i know a French guy , of Spanish descent , who is a really hot Flamenco guitarist who has mastered nearly all the Palos , and all on You Tube  They are right, if you dedicate yourself to different songs at the same time, but it s like working form home…you need time and discipline ..and take the lessons very slowly and don’t move on till you can play it 20 times with your eyes shut..preferably standing up .. then move on up. Yesterday  was the first time i managed to do this.   There is a different tone on Social media today .. angrier , more prone to blame others, more censorious…and on one group forum i saw they were going to ban Humour..well , i don’t personally know the Group leader.. but it does nt take much imagination to know she s not someone you d want to be quarantined with.    The only thing to fear is fear itself.. well i certainly don’t think that applies in this situation, quite the reverse, the more frightened we are the less we will venture forth on errands that are not strictly necessary..i was on my way out the door , literally, when my mobile rang…it was the charming woman from the bank.. she d got my message .. id gone way over my limit.. which was why i could nt withdraw funds…She , and i won’t name her, is working from Home and sorted it all out on her laptop..no need for me to go to town..      Is nt that great?..well , I thought it was..and a good thing too,as she has not been provided with any masks..and we are talking about a Bank..if they cant get basic stuff like that no wonder the Government  are nt testing people .. they don’t have the wherewithal…it is nt as though this has nt been on the News everyday since December the something.    .I remember listening to Radio Four as i was driving through Slough, in December,… don’t ask … the M4 was closed..and i was listening to a woman in Wuhan describing how her parents were dying in the Street.. that really got my attention.   It did nt seem to get the attention of the people in charge here however, as when the inevitable arrived nearly three months later , they had done nothing to prepare for it.   The Spanish Disease is politics, it creeps into every corner of life and spreads its poison , a bit like you know what,..and in the past when people got fed up with their venal politicians there was a Military Coup , and then they realised maybe life was better before with democracy … and the cycle starts again. This model has been exported successfully to Latin America.. with the possible  exception of Mexico. and Costa Rica   Its all very well for us stodgy Northerners with our bad weather , to criticise, but Sun affects people,and when things are good they seem so much better  in the Sunshine..but something about Sunny weather produces Volatility, and an @ i won’t fix the roof as its not raining @ World View… and Italys  colossal death rate is the price to be paid .. not that it is nt sunny in China..or South Korea..but they do a lot more than just fix the roof..and to put  it down to Confucianism .. well  maybe best not to start on that.   Australia will be interesting, they have lots of sun , but its a pretty organised place ..and i don’t see them making this sort of Balls up.. also they have the experience of natural disasters,,and pulling together, and will not let Politics interfere…any country that had leaders with  names  like Abbott and Costello doesn’t waste too energy on petty politics.  The Current Classic example of petty minded, spiteful, pointless,  negative ,oppurtunism , is the  attempt on social media and what sup groups to denigrate the Royal Family organising people to rattle saucepans at a given time, because apparently the current King s father had a rather large amount of money in a Swiss Account..well, it was Saudi Money , not money stolen from the Spanish taxpayer, unlike the billions stolen by the previous administration , the PP .The idea for this stupidity was inspired by the Custom of applauding the Medical profession every night at eight o clock.. an excellent morale boosting , bringing everyone together kind of gesture..well everything has its opposite and this is an excellent way to breed more discontent and fracture an all ready pretty fractured society.. it beggars belief and you really have to have lived here to see these Barca Madrid  idiocies at first hand.   Barca Madrid is a term used to describe the divide and conquer ,us and them , attitudes that have stopped Spains progress since the collapse of their Empire, culminating in the most vicious Civil War in recent European History, and one would have hoped  that after 40 plus years of Democracy it would have disappeared , but sadly, like in the USA and a lot of other democracies , it seems to be on the increase.The anger on Social Media which results from the claustrophobic frustration of a lockdown will hopefully not boil over into something with unpleasant political consequences, which would be very sad , as after Francos death and the adoption of constitution that is the envy of many countries, Spain was a beacon of hope in the last quarter of the 20 th century… how the mighty are fallen .. one hopes not.. SPANISH LOCKDOWN DAY  7   Slept really well , but then  I remember reading that people on Death row sleep 16 hours a day so possibly not a good sign.   Last Night i watched the Spanish news ,on the main channel and things are looking up , relatively speaking, in the sense that testing has arrived ..someone, or some country, has sent several thousand, or may be half a million test kits.. which is obviously excellent news , and testing in  Galicia is going full steam ahead. There was the obligatory item about a vaccine..which I think one can take with a pinch of salt. .Military erecting field hospitals next to various main hospitals…the eight o clock applause of medical staff…all in all well put together not too desperately pessimistic, and generally not as disheartening as Facebook.. afterwards i felt like some light relief so we watched eleven episodes of 2 and half men,  in Spanish ,to cheer ourselves up before going to bed.   ..   Today i decided to live a normal day .. if such a thing were possible , so , after taking Tina for a walk i got the Old TV and DVD working and put on Marty Schwarz s Intermediate Blues Guitar Course part one…and it started raining .. so that was encouraging as it took away any temptation to venture outside.. except for firewood that is.   I worked through the course without rushing , but also without too much pausing , as i d done those lessons before, and all that repetition of Honest I do  is paying off..   On going outside for firewood i could not ignore the noise of the generator that kicked in yesterday evening, as we ve had not Sun for several days, so i decided to fill it up with diesel, and see how much 15 hours constant running had used,only half the 20 litre can to fill  up the tank…but was it full to begin with?..anyway it s very rare to have 4 days without sun , so even if it did use  13 euros of diesel  Im not going to freak out as that was expensive diesel.. and I’m entitled to use the cheaper stuff .Of cause i spilled Diesel over my hands , and shoes , and when i spent a good 5 minutes trying to wash the smell out i realised this was the ultimate anti virus test.. so i will leave a bowl of Diesel outside every time i go to town and use that as first part of the disinfection process , yet another excuse not to go to town.    My neighbour M.  rang and suggested i look at his scheme on Facebook to institute Food Deliveries , so one does nt have to go to the Supermarket in person  and infect and be infected… a good idea of course , but like so many , i don’t see it happening…I pointed out several objections , lack of drivers, expense, one would need a sort of Uber program which will probably not be ready for a year .. etc..and the Supermarkets are making so much money i doubt they need this sort of input.I promised to look at it later , which I will , as Lunch was ready.   We ve run out of  Bread ,Oranges and Chocolate, Aurora has broken a nail and the nail bars are closed till further notice…but otherwise  we can probably get through till Monday without suffering too much ..on the other hand Monday is probably the worst day to go shopping..Im toying with the idea of going to the small Supermarket, at 8 am Sunday morning, and hopefully having it to myself , as i cant face the idea of a queue. I know English people are supposed to love queueing but i must be an exception, and queuing nowadays is a High Risk Activity.    The Sun is out and i did one of the jobs from a month old to do list… pumping the water out the flooded pump room , it all went very well , and i felt  very worthy , and now , with the Sunshine it s time for a walk , with Tina , of course.   I return , feeling optimistic .. and the phone rings, i assume it s my neighbour asking if I’ve read his article.it isn’t , it s C another near neighbour, with some very bad news .  The police are in Quarantine…and the Army will soon be here. No Tobacco..as they will close the Tobacconist.  A completely different ball game  I rang M, and gave him the news…I f he d had  a kalashnikov  he d have been checking the magazine  I rang another neighbour  F, whose office is next to the Police Station , to warn him. .When the Rumour , comes to your Town , It Grows and Grows, Where it Started No-one Knows…*Robbie Robertson   I rang my source in the Town Hall G…no , it s only one cop , and he has nt got the results yet..   I rang M  again…he had spoken to his friend who is a Guardia Civil .no , it was nt a Cop it was a Guardia Civil..he also told me the Cuban woman who cleans houses had been stopped, by the Police and they checked the receipt for her shopping    I rang the first neighbour and corrected the original story        I opened Facebook .. and there was the original story , which had started a firestorm of comments along the likes of whats your source? etc as though we were in the Watergate hearings, not only that,  the people reading the story imagined it referred to Mojacar , not Carboneras , and were all frantically ringing the Police Staion , The Town Hall and each other to see if it were true.    The tones of the respective comments went from shrill outrage that anyone should suggest such a story without due documentation , to fear , to I knew this would happen, all these irresponsible idiots .. blah blah   It began to increasingly resemble an episode of Dads Army with a false alarm about a German Landing.., which Facebook does anyway    There is the Captain Mainwaring..@While i was out today making sure everyone was behaving themselves i saw these irresponsible panic shoppers,  and these people walking around without a good reason @     The Fraser .. We Re Doomed     The Air raid Warden…Its all the fault of the Ruling Class, and rules are rules etc     Jones ..Dont Panic... in a tone of complete hysteria    Pikes mother…Be sure to wear your gloves , motorcycle helmet , hazchem suit, mask..galoshes, .Do you have your hand sanitiser , all clothes must be burnt on reentry etc     By this time Auroras original alarm had been replaced by hilarity, as she was sitting by the fire hearing one side of these conversations..     I went out for some more wood and we relaxed by watching a Documentary about the Boeing 737 MAX..complete with simulation in the Pilots cockpit    The best part was the CEO of Boeing trying to justify his 30 million Dollar salary at a Congressional hearing..…i wondered what the Shareholders thought about that , i know what the victims families thought , as they were being interviewed and did nt sound too impressed

[stephenjaymorrisblog]

 Goodbye, California - So Long, Los Angeles

By Stephen Jay Morris

Friday, November 22, 2019

©Scientific Morality

For as long as I live, Los Angeles will be my muse.  All memories of my youth are tattooed on my mind’s eye.  In the dead of night, under the bed covers, my mind travels back to the times of sunny days and youthful indiscretions.  Back to when parking was no problem and rain gear was rarely used.  However, the Los Angeles of my youth no longer exists—much like my Prostate.

The California I once knew was one big, natural park. Southern California was a vast, dry desert with lush forests in the upper elevations.  There were beautiful, white sandy beaches and a blue Pacific Ocean with its endless horizon.  In the summer, the sunset made for a sky of red with a dash of orange.  Now climate change is ruining this state’s natural loveliness, morphing it into movie scenes of post-nuclear Apocalypse. Everybody is waiting for the “Big One”—the epic earthquake I have been warned about all of my life.  Why should I wait around for it?  I left California back in 2011 to chase a bucolic illusion in the Pacific Northwest.  That lasted two and a half years.  I got homesick for California.  Over and over again in my head, I played Joni Mitchell’s “California.”  Not to mention the Mamas and the Papas song, “California Dreaming.”  What I didn’t realize then, however, was that I wasn’t missing California for what it was, but for what it used to be.  So, in August of 2013, Pamela & I moved back to SoCal.  We landed in this desert town because it was the most affordable location for us in this Golden State.  We rented a mobile home.  I got sick and Pamela got a job.

In September of 2017, my mother passed away.  The funeral service was held in the middle of Hollywood.  When we drove down Santa Monica Boulevard that day, I knew that the Hollywood of the 60’s had been replaced by some other city.  Urban decadence under a brown, smoggy sky was not my idea of subtropical fun.  If somebody referred to L.A as a shit hole in 2018, I would not hold it against them.  The evidence was everywhere you looked.  There were homeless camps, gang graffiti, and those proverbial broken windows. There were prostitutes sauntering around and dopers looking for a fix.

Then, there are L.A.’s critics.  I have met many of them over the years.  L.A. haters made the most ludicrous declarations I’ve ever heard: “People in L.A. are phony!”  “L.A. people are superficial!”  Who were they talking about?!  That was the problem; there were no specifics provided.  Usually, when people dislike a city, there is an underlying reason.  It could be racial or homophobic; i.e.: it wasn’t the city that they hated, it was the people. Typically, when someone hates a city, it is because the hater experienced some personal misfortune, like having been fired from a job or dumped by their girlfriend.

Back in the days of the Hippies, all of the kids declared they wanted to leave L.A. because the “big city” was a bum trip.  They wanted to go up north and commune with nature.  Bull Shit!!  They wanted to leave mommy and daddy so they could partake of free love and smoke pot in the nude.  I didn’t care about parental authority, so I got my own apartment.  I loved L.A. in the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s.  But, in the 80’s, it all went down hill.

Pamela and I decided several years ago to move back east. We are now on track to realize that dream.  There is nothing in California for us anymore.  The powers to be want to turn California into a gated community.  This state doesn’t just have inflation.  It commits outright robbery!  You have to have a million dollars to buy a modest, two-bedroom house in a lower middle-class neighborhood.  You want to rent?  Then it will cost you $1400 a month for a one-bedroom apartment!  Are you fucking kidding me?  And you wonder why kids find Socialism so appealing.

Well, this is goodbye for now.  I will return someday for somebody’s funeral, or maybe for some business, or a court appearance.  Otherwise, it’s goodbye for now.  I have no ties to this State anymore, except for my mentally ill brother and sister who each live in opposite suburbs of L.A.  I have no means to provide them any assistance.  Their welfare was prearranged by my parents, years ago. Maybe, someday, I can provide real help for them.  I also have a nephew—my sister’s son—who is a college graduate, struggling still to support himself and to help his ailing mother.  He plans to leave L.A. before long.  As far as my other family members go, they have their own affairs.  I have no interest in them, and they regard me likewise.

_____________________________________________________

 Note:  I won’t be posting for a while, until I am settled in my new home.

If you want to contact me, this is my E-Mail

rachelstomb1954@mail.com

[monkeyspawnskydiamond]

Don’t ask me to feel sorry for my rapist - Nina Funnell

Nine years ago I threatened to kill a man. I did not know his name or anything about him. And yet when I threatened to kill him, I meant it.

To this day I still wonder what would have happened if, by some fluke, the box-cutter had made its way into my own hand.

I wonder if I would have pressed the cold blade against his throat, as he had done to me just moments prior. I wonder if I would have found it in me to stab him as he lay there on top of me, strangling me, bashing me, indecently sexually assaulting me.

I still don’t know.

What I do know is that by threatening to end his life, I saved my own.

I know that if I hadn’t wrestled him for the box-cutter, if I hadn’t screamed and kicked and thrashed about like a wounded animal, I might not have survived the night.

I do not say this to imply that women who have acted any differently in sexual assault situations have done the wrong thing. On the contrary, a different perpetrator might have killed me on the spot for fighting.

So my story is neither cautionary nor instructive. It’s just my story and there is no way to tell it without including certain details.

I was 23-years-old and an honours student at the University of Sydney. I’d woken up that morning and showered like I would have on any other day. The only thing that was different about this particular morning was that it was the day of my honours presentation — a day I had been working towards for months. It should have ended in celebration and elation.

Instead it ended with me at a police station.

I’d gone out for some drinks after class had finished (yes, I was drinking, as women are permitted to do from time to time) and I was making the 20 minute walk home to my parent’s place in Sydney’s lower north shore.

I was a few hundred metres from my front door when I was suddenly attacked from behind.

A solid-built man I had never seen before had seized me. He held a box-cutter blade to my throat and began dragging me into an adjacent park.

I didn’t see or hear him coming as I was listening to music from earphones. (Later I would be told that this was just one of the many reasons why I was to blame for his decision to attack.)

He then said point blank: “I am going to kill you”.

He punched me in the face and the force of the blow was so powerful that it knocked me off my feet and onto my back.

I lay in the dirt, immobilised by fear, as he moved on top of me. They call this the “freeze response” and I have since learnt that most sexual assault victims experience this sort of shock and paralysis.

Then I felt the life being choked out of me. His hand was on my throat, my trachea was being crushed, and I could taste blood in my mouth. I was also vaguely aware of a deep pain beginning to grow in my shoulders and back.

Hours later at Gladesville police station I’d be photographed and swabbed. I’d be asked to go into a small room and remove my top. Once in there, I would examine my body in the mirror and find what would soon become dark bruising across my back — bruising that was apparently caused by large, protruding tree roots that had been grinding into my back while the weight of my attacker’s body pushed my flesh into them.

During the assault though, I didn’t process that sort of detail. All I could think was “How can this be happening to me? Is this for real?”

Then my mind went somewhere else altogether. I shut my eyes tight and an old, forgotten memory played like a video before my eyes. I remembered being a young girl, maybe six or seven years in age. I was standing in that same park and I was watching my older brother play soccer on the field. I remembered how at half time, I’d eaten quartered oranges with him and it had made me feel special that he’d included me and talked to me with his older friends around.

That was it. That was the simple memory that I shut my eyes and held on to. It seems odd, doesn’t it? That a man is trying to rape and kill you and you think about eating quartered oranges with your big brother.

I’ve since been told that my brain was valiantly trying to protect me from the trauma of what was occurring to me. In transporting me to another time and place — a safer time and place — it was trying to shield me from what was happening.

And yet, just as quickly as I’d slipped into that dissociative state, I slipped back out of it again. And when I did, I found myself looking directly into my attacker’s face which was only inches away from my own.

His grasp was still on my throat. I couldn’t breathe and couldn’t move. I felt a sharp pain across my body and I remember thinking: “I don’t want to die. Not like this”.

****

When it comes to sexual assault, women are forever being asked “why didn’t you say no?” or “why didn’t you fight back?”

As though a rapist would ever listen.

As though victims are the ones who should be responsible for preventing the violence we experience.

If you really want to know why most women don’t fight back, it’s because of one of two things: we are either immobilised by fear, or we assume that fighting back will make things worse. This is, after all, something that has been drummed in to us all from a very tender age.

But that night I did fight back, not at first, and not because I am courageous. The only reason I fought was because adrenaline took over and I had nothing to lose.

My mind had eventually caught up and computed that I was in a kill-or-be-killed situation. And if I was going to die anyway, why not fight the f***er? Get his DNA if nothing else.

I began thrashing and resisting, and then I exploded yelling “I’m going to kill you first”.

In for a penny, in for a pound.

I’ll never forget the look of shock and surprise on his face when I said that. What I don’t remember, is exactly what happened in the next few moments.

Again, this is not uncommon. The nature of trauma means that survivors often have memory gaps or recollections that don’t add up. One counsellor explained that if your memory is like a filing cabinet system, a traumatic event will effectively toss all the files onto the floor, mess them around, and then shove them back in.

Some files get lost. Others get out of order.

She also told me that she’s never once met a sexual assault survivor who had perfect, chronological recall.

Such is the nature of trauma.

And yet I’ve also been told that if I ever do go to court, defence lawyers will almost certainly try to use my memory gaps against me.

I can look forward to some smug lawyer arrogantly trying to discredit me by painting me as an “unreliable witness”. The fact that I’m even classified as a “witness” frustrates me to tears. I wasn’t sitting outside my body, eating popcorn watching this happen from the sidelines. It was painful. It hurt. I didn’t “witness” violence, I endured it.

I’ve also been advised that in addition to my memory gaps, the fact that I had been drinking that night will almost certainly be used against me.

I’ll be painted as licentious. As slutty. As stupid. As a liar.

But to be very clear, my memory gaps are not evidence that I am lying. To the contrary, they are evidence of the traumatic nature of the violence I have experienced.

So here is what I do remember from that point on. I remember a sudden feeling of lightness on my chest and an awareness that there wasn’t a heavy body on me anymore. I have no recollection of climbing to my feet but I do remember being in a standing position and noticing a small amount of blood on my hand. I remember wondering if it was my blood or his (this would later turn out to be a defensive wound.) Then I remember picking up my bag and reaching for my mobile and dialling triple 0.

****

I wasn’t technically raped that night. And boy do people love to remind me of that.

“I know what happened is bad and all, but he didn’t actually, you know, get it up you, did he?”

This was the question put to me by a male manager at my casual job, a week after the assault took place. My bruises hadn’t even disappeared but the implication was clear: if there’s no P-in-V, it’s not so bad, is it?

Sure, I’d been indecently sexually assaulted, physically assaulted, strangled, told I would be killed, and held at blade point. But in a phallocentric world, sexual violence isn’t measured by the trauma the victim experiences, but by the perpetrator’s assessment of the event: and if the penis didn’t get its way? Then what right should I have to expect the same supports and police resourcing that a “real rape victim” would get?

This wasn’t the only insensitive comment people made.

“You’re a pretty girl, you know. You could take it as a compliment that he selected you.” (This piece of unsolicited advice was kindly offered by a female journalist working for a women’s magazine).

“You have to admit Nina, you were pretty stupid for walking home alone”. (This gem was offered by an old friend I went to school with.)

One woman asked in all seriousness: “Do you ever think this might not have happened if you had a closer relationship with God?”

Another woman took the time and trouble to email me to inform me that she had real pity for me until, that was, she learnt that I had been “doing all the wrong things”.

Since then, I’ve been told it’s my fault for drinking. My fault for listening to music. My fault for travelling alone (as though women should only ever venture out in public if they are in the company of a chaperone).

People have called me a liar and an attention seeker.

I’ve had one stranger persistently request that I share the police photos taken that night with him.

I’ve had other strange men send me messages of sympathy, immediately followed up with a sunny little dick-pic. For condolence, I guess. (No, I do not want to commiserate with your boner).

I’ve had schools ask me if I will come speak to their female students about the “risky situations” that women put themselves in (no, I won’t, don’t ask me again).

I’ve been asked whether the problem lies in girls “not respecting themselves” (and here I was thinking that my assault happened because my attacker has no respect for women, for me, or for my right to live a life free of sexual violence.)

I’ve also had someone suggest that the poor guy probably “just had no money, otherwise he would have gone to a prostitute”. As though sexual violence isn’t about power and control at all, but a man’s simple desire to have certain sexual needs met.

Over and over I have been asked the questions that so many other survivors have also been asked: “What were you wearing? How much did you have to drink? Don’t you know how stupid you were being?”

And each and every one of these questions (and so many more) serve to silence women. They do this by deflecting attention away from the actions and choices of perpetrators, and by insinuating that women are responsible for the violence we have experienced.

And finally there was this remark made by some clever chap who wanted to discuss my attack online:

“What a conceited bitch for thinking she’s even worthy of rape. The guy just probably wanted to give her a good bashing in which case job well done.”

Charming stuff, isn’t it?

Of course, this is only a fraction of what women deal with when we speak out publicly about sexual violence. And in many ways my own assault was easier to speak out about than many others. That’s because I was assaulted by a stranger and there was physical violence involved. But most victims aren’t assaulted by strangers and rarely are there physical signs of violence, and this makes it even harder to be believed.

And this is why so women stay silent. Why so many choose not to report.

It’s also why perpetrators feel so entitled to keep on offending: because our society continually affirms for them that women are in the wrong. That women are untrustworthy. That stranger-danger rape is the only “legitimate rape”. That women make-up sexual abuse in order to assuage sexual regret. That the word of a man is worth far more than the word of woman.

Over the last week I, along with so many others, have read the extraordinary victim impact statement made by the young woman who was raped by Brock Turner behind a dumpster at Stanford University.

Her words resonate deeply.

In addition to exposing the systemic victim-blaming that occurs when survivors disclose, she has also elucidated all the ways that perpetrators attempt to minimise responsibility, shift blame and discredit victims.

Her analysis of how some media will humanise perpetrators (by including references to their skills, hobbies or interests) while reducing victims to nothing more than invisible, silent “others” is equally compelling.

And in her words so many survivors the world over have found recognition and comfort. They’ve also found the courage to speak out and own their status as survivor.

I suspect this is because she is radically rewriting ideas about victimhood.

In the cultural conscience, victims are often presented as broken, voiceless and downtrodden. At best, we are pitied. At worst, we are despised and devalued as “damaged goods”.

Yet though her victim impact statement she has debunked those stereotypes and advanced a new image of a survivor who is intelligent, articulate, analytical, insightful, bold, brave, reflective and persuasive.

Her words are resilient, strong, and hopeful. She reminds me that even though my assailant has never been caught, and even though I am yet to have my day in court, recovery and hope is possible, and above all, I am not alone.

https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/rendezview/dont-ask-me-to-feel-sorry-for-my-rapist/news-story/36d4af5f0cc287ba53eeb163bbe28841

[iron-gunlance-blog]

I was tagged by the fabulous @generalherasyndulla and I’m doing this on mobile at shit o’clock bc I can’t sleep let’s do this

What’s your favorite song(s) to sing/hum?:

- Right now it’s It’s Time by Imagine Dragons


What’s your favorite flower/tree/plant?

- Snapdragons!


Favorite colors?

- Blue and green. Pink is nice too


What do you always doodle?

- Man I don’t doodle like I’ll try to do something simple and I’ll loose track of reality and then it’s like a full blown painting. Usually it’s one of my ocs tho.


How do you take your coffee/tea?

- I like my tea with milk and honey!


Favorite candle scent?

- Sweet pea blossom is my favorite scent ever


Sunrise or sunset?

- Sunset all the way, with those intense pinks and purples and reds and oranges I just adore it


What perfume do you wear?

- I don’t lmao


What’s your go-to dance move when you’re alone?

- Okay so I usually only ever listen to music when I’m sitting down and focusing on something else so I’ll just kinda. Wiggle in place.


Favorite quote?

- “YOLO.” I know it gets a lot of flack but honestly fuck cringe culture and also I recently started living by this and like. I’m so much happier I’m doin new things and reconnecting with old friends and honestly life is just so much better.

Favorite self-care routine(s)?

- Talking to/ hanging out with friends/partners always helps. I also like drawing my ocs being cute and happy, or a stupid indulgent self-ship thing or something. Also I make myself like a whole pot of tea and wear my comfiest clothes.


Fuzzy socks or house slippers?

- As much as I love my purple dragon slippers, I almost always go for the fuzzy socks my sis got me for Christmas.


What color are your eyes?

- A nice deep and dark brown c:


What’s your favorite eye color on others?

- Don’t have one like have you seen eyes of any color in the sunlight or in a particular kind of lighting because Fuck Man they’re all fucking gorgeous I love eyes


Favorite season? Why?

- Spring and fall. Sweater weather + lots and lots of beautiful colors


Cheek, neck, or nose kisses?

- Neck, but I better know you damn well. Cheek kisses are nice too tho


What does your happy place look like?

- My apartment on a sunny day. Blinds drawn back to let the light in, windows cracked for some fresh air, I’ve got tea on and I’m reading a good book in my corner or drawing. My partners are there and it’s very gay


Favorite breed of dog?

- Greyhounds!!
Do you ever want to be married?

- Yeah! Don’t know dick about the wedding except that @ovorewatch is insisting on playing The Fresh Prince of Dick in My Ass and tbh I’m not complaining


Cursive or print?

- I print but I have gods awful handwriting lmao. I’ve mostly forgotten how to cursive


Favorite weather?

Mid 70’s, blue skies and sunny, there’s a light breeze <3

And it is now 4 am and I have to be up in two and a half hours

I’ve only got 11 followers, consider urselves tagged I’m exhausted

[natsvos]

I got tagged by @solimavi to do this (and I’m honored lol). I am making this on mobile so it might screw up the formatting but oh well /shrugs I tried to make it as readable as possible

5 things you can find on my blog: - South Park - Creek, lots of creek, omg - My stupid text posts that there are too many of and often consist of me either taking about my current hyperfixation or about tweek being gay - The occasional post to remind you that I actually still enjoy other things (Steven universe, gravity falls, homestuck, etc.) - Memes and stuff about being gay

5 things you can find in my room: - Trash because I am a slob - A bumper from my 2016 robot - Old school papers - An almost complete collection of scalemate plushes (I am only missing the orange one!) - A lot of rubber ducks

5 things I’ve always wanted to do: - Do a rose quartz cosplay - Go on a shopping spree and buy so many cute clothes - Kiss a girl 💗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 - Write my god damned creek fic - Go traveling all around the world

5 things that make me happy: - CREEK - Music - Girls 👭👩‍❤️‍👩💗😍 - Tweek (my boi) and Stan (my other boy) - My friends and hanging out with them

5 things I’m currently into: - Creek (I’m always into creek) - South Park in general - Danganronpa (and more specifically sdr2) - It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Steven Universe

5 things you might not know about me: - I’m only 5'3" (so short I know) - I’m going to UMBC this fall to peruse a degree in computer science - I actually enjoy a lot of those upbeat pop songs because they make me feel happy - If something is pink, there is a high chance that I will buy it - I have four (4) dogs

To pass this on I’ll tag @clueless-anon, @whataterrificaudience, @glubbity, @bi-gumball, and anyone else who might want to do this! (If you have already been tagged, sorry 😊, and don’t feel obligated to do this.)

[thestarsofthenight]

Chapter 3: The Phantom Protector of Great Britain

Fandom: Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler

Pairings: mainly Ciel Phantomhive/Elizabeth Midford

Summary: “There is nothing more ridiculous than living in a country in which an orange-skinned man won an election,” Francis had said, ending the Midfords four-year-long stay in the USA. Three days later, Elizabeth lives in gloomy London, wishing to be back in sunny LA, when a murder case suddenly turns her life upside down, entangling her with Ciel Phantomhive, his duty to the crown, and his school-intern detective agency…

Navigation: Chapter Index

“Wherever this shadowed path might lead, we were both irrevocably committed to follow it to the end.”  ― Susan Kay, Phantom

  London, England, United Kingdom – November 2016

  She did not know when she had started to run.

A second ago, Elizabeth had witnessed a murder, and now, her feet were carrying her as far away from the crime scene as possible. And while she ran, records of what she had seen found their ways back to her mind.

The metallic smell of blood.

The murderer, stabbing and stabbing their victim even though they were long dead.

The victim’s muffled, dying screams.

There is no way that I will ever forget them, Elizabeth thought while running and running and cursing her bag with the chocolates and her bag with the bagels for not allowing her to run faster.

Eventually, despite the adrenaline pushing her body to go farther, her lungs started to burn so badly that she could only stop. Elizabeth collapsed against the wall of a building, trying to catch her breath. She had no clue where she was. She had no clue if the murderer had seen her or not. What if she had started to run without checking that first? What if they had noticed her running away and went after her?

The thought turned her blood to ice.

No, a voice in her head suddenly said – the voice belonging to the part of her head which was still sane despite everything. Someone was killed. There is a killer on the loose. You have to go to the police. You need to report this. Staying here will only decrease your chance of surviving if the murderer really followed you. You will be safe with the police.

Elizabeth pulled herself away from the wall, her legs feeling wobbly. Because her hands were shaking and she was still holding the bag with the bagels, taking out her phone proved quite difficult. If leaving the bagels wouldn’t make it easier for the killer to track her, she would have thrown the bag away ages ago. When Elizabeth had finally managed to get her mobile, she tried to dial the police’s number, but stopped herself right before clicking on “call.” What if her voice was too shaky? What if the person on the other side of the line couldn’t understand her? Was making a phone call in an unknown place while possibly being followed by a killer the best idea?

No, not here, definitely not here, her rational part said and forced her run farther to a more crowded place and into some shop.

After Elizabeth had walked through the entire shop a few times while calming herself down, she looked up the location of the closest police station.

It is only a few minutes away. Thank God, it is only a few minutes away.

And these few minutes gave her new strength to make her feet move.

  ***

  The police station was awfully ugly. “Police” was written in capital letters over the entrance of the grey building, and a lonely London flag was fluttering miserably in the wind.

Elizabeth took a deep breath before entering the police station.

“Good evening, how can I help ya?” the policeman in charge said, looking up from what looked like a comic, and frowned. “Isn’t it a bit late for you to walk around on a school day?”

Elizabeth glimpsed at a clock and saw that it was a little after ten o’clock. When had it got so late? She had no idea.

“I,” she began, her voice hoarse and her throat dry. “I...”

“Stop stuttering, kid, and tell me what the matter is. Lost your parents? Someone stole your lolly?”

“There was a murder somewhere around here,” Elizabeth managed to say, falling into a nearby chair.

The policeman’s eyes widened. “Woah, woah, girl! You’ve seen a murder?”

Elizabeth nodded faintly. Her mind was drifting away to the crime scene, but she blinked away the image of the street painted red. Focus. “Yes. In... in Whitechapel, around Brick Lane.”

The policeman raised an eyebrow and put his hands under the counter. It was a strange movement. It had been meant to be subtle, but Elizabeth’s clouded brain still managed to catch it. She tried to analyse what he was doing, but, somehow, she did not manage to grab a clear thought.

“And you are not lying to me? Kids like you come to me all the time to prank me. Not cool. Absolutely not cool. They always prank me because they believe that Detective Inspector Marty Card is an easy victim. Can you imagine that? Can you believe that? Kids nowadays are all idiots. I am not the idiot here. Definitely not.” The policeman, Marty Card, took out a piece of paper before frowning at her. “You are not kidding me, right? Joking about murder is bad. Joking about such a murder is even worse. False information could cost me my job. Perhaps even my head. I cling to my head. I think it’s a nice head, not particularly pretty, but still nice. Has a nice shape, don’t you think?”

With her head feeling heavy, Elizabeth barely managed to nod at Marty’s words. In the alley, this one voice in her head had told her that she would feel safe with the police. But, for some reason, she did not feel secure at all. Elizabeth grabbed the rim of her skirt. Her heart was racing, her body tensed. What if the murderer knew that Marty was in charge today? If children knew when he worked, did grown-ups too? Did this one grown-up know? What if the killer had followed her and decided to get rid off her right here and now in this police station because they knew that only Marty was here? What if they murdered them both? She dug her fingers deeper into the fabric of her skirt.

“Hello? Are you listening to me, kid?” Marty’s voice snapped her back to reality.

She stared at him with wide eyes. “Hm?”

“I asked: Was that a nod for the kidding part or the head part?”

When Elizabeth didn’t reply and simply kept staring at him, he only sighed. “Not very talkative, are you? For now, I am believing you because I don’t think you are that much of an actress to fool me, Mighty Marty. So... for the protocol, what is your name?”

  ***

  It was little after 10 pm when Ciel’s late night ice-cream eating was disturbed.

Regularly, Ciel would eat ice-cream even if it was already late. He did not even care about the fact that it was late autumn. After all, it might be cold outside, but it was quite warm inside his townhouse. Thus it was fairly reasonable to eat ice-cream even on an icy November day. Ciel especially liked it to sit next to a window on the ground floor while eating so that he could watch the passersby shuddering in the coldness while being warm and comfortable himself.

But today, he was sitting in his office, and thus, could see the tiny red lamp going on on his desk. The alarm used to make a sound too but Sebastian had once changed the ring tone from the Toccata by Johann Sebastian Bach to the cat song from The Big Bang Theory when his master hadn’t been there. Annoyed, Ciel had removed this function upon finding out about this change.

Ciel had made the alarm himself: It was connected to Scotland Yard, and every time someone pressed a certain button in one of their police stations, the small lamp lit up in his office. Next to this button, Ciel had let little, foldout, and extractable keyboards to be installed so that whoever had pressed the button could send him a short message, telling him what was going on. Then, the message would appear on a small display on the alarm cube. Another display showed the number of the police station from where the message had been sent.

He leaned forward and read the message: “S7616 – around Brick Lane, Muscle. Manor: circle. DI Right Brother.”

Ciel himself had invented the code and was quite proud of it. It had not been the easiest task to teach it to the police, though. The message, decrypted, meant:

Serial murder case: New Whitechapel Murders  – around Brick Lane, now. Witness: a female. DI Marty Card.

Ciel frowned. A witness? That was strange. There had never been a witness to this case. But Ciel could not think longer about it as the message had said that the murder was happening right now. Apparently, the witness has immediately run to the next police station. Interesting. He stood up and called Sebastian.

  ***

  Less than two minutes later, Ciel and Sebastian arrived at the scene of the crime, but the criminal was already gone. It looked like the other crime scenes which Ciel had seen in the photographs the Queen had included in her letter: The horrifyingly mangled victim was lying in a pool of blood. Her eyes were staring up at the dark sky as if she was trying to pledge Heaven for mercy. Ciel couldn’t help but to bitterly chuckle at this sight. Mercy. What a joke.

“Sebastian – search the crime scene for things which seem important or odd,” Ciel ordered.

Normally, a crime scene is secured first, then thoroughly documented by taking photographs and drawing sketches before evidence is collected. But if you have a demon butler and are the Watchdog, things work a little bit differently.

“Yes, Mylord,” Sebastian replied, his eyes glowing bright red, and began to work.

  “What now, Young Master?” the butler asked a few minutes later, closing the last plastic bag.

“That someone witnessed the murder is bad enough,” Ciel meant, walking back and forth. “We cannot allow anyone else to see the crime scene again.”

“And what do you suggest, Mylord?”

“You need to restore the street’s appearance before the murder took place. Like that, this case will stay the secret it has been since the first murder.” Ciel looked up at Sebastian. “Sebastian – I order you to restore the street’s appearance, and when you’re done to bring me to Marty Card’s police station. There is someone we need to speak.”

  ***

  “Come to think of it, Lizzy, you were not hallucinating, were you?”

After Elizabeth had calmed herself by slowly and deeply breathing in and out and after Marty had given her cup by cup of tea, she had been somehow able to answer Marty’s questions – told him her name and contact data and all she knew about the crime – even if she could only vaguely remember what had happened.

At which time did you see the murder? I am not sure. I think sometime after nine o’clock.

What did the murderer look like? I can’t remember.

Did he have a weapon? No. Wait... yes. A knife. The killer had a knife.

Eventually, Marty had decided that saying “Miss Midford” all the time was too troublesome and started to call her “Lizzy” instead without her permission.

“I am only asking because I’ve noticed that your backpack is full of chocolate and that you have a plastic bag full of Rainbow Bagels. Too much sugar can do strange things to some people, you know? Some become hyperactive, some start hallucinating. Could also be that I am mixing this up with some other white substance, though.” Marty shrugged. “Nevertheless, can I have some? I am starving. The others went home early, leaving me with all the work. Can you believe that? They work for the police, justice and righteousness and all, and then they leave their coworker to do everything! Didn’t have time to grab something to eat. Could be that I started doodling food on the documents I had to fill out.”

Elizabeth threw him a Rainbow Bagel. It nearly fell to the ground because she didn’t have the strength anymore to throw it properly. His hunger, apparently, gave Marty the power to dive headlong over the counter and catch the bagel a centimetre over the ground with the grace and elegance of a drunk cat.

“Caught it!” he happily exclaimed before returning to his original position behind the counter. “Never thought that I am so sporty, right?” Marty ate the bagel like a savage. “Oh, Heavenly Rainbow Bagel! Without you, I would have died of hunger. You coming here was truly a gift of Heaven, Lizzy! When we forget the murder part, though.”

“When do you think my parents will come?” Elizabeth asked him. She felt tired, and her brain kept repeating the screams of the victim again and again. She wanted to go home. She wanted to be with her parents and brother. She wanted to go to sleep and wake up tomorrow and find out that all of this had been a mad, mad dream. What were the odds to witness a murder on your first day of school?

“I didn’t notify them,” Marty said, licking the bagel crumbs from his fingers.

Elizabeth blinked at him, the fog over her mind suddenly lifted. “What?”

“That means ‘Excuse me,’” he corrected her. “Also, if I had called them, they would have come to see and get their baby duck – Babies of a duck are called ‘ducklings,’ right? Like in The Ugly Duckling; to see and get their duckling then. However, I cannot allow that. Someone high-up will want to talk to you. And if I mean ‘high-up’ I mean ‘scarily high-up.’ He can do things no other citizens of Britain can. Cannot afford to enrage this guy. Like I’ve said, I cling to my head. And I know what you’re thinking ‘It’s the 21st century, and we are in a civilised country, nobody gets executed and incapacitated here!’ But I have to tell you otherwise: He has the power to wander outside of law, he does not care if we are still in the 21st century and that I have a nice head I cling to.”

“Who is this ‘scarily high-up’ person?” Elizabeth wanted to know.

“‘The Phantom Protector of Great Britain’!” Marty theatrically said, spreading his arms. “His work and existence are one of the best-kept secrets in the entire United Kingdom. And I am one of the secret keepers. It’s such an honour!”

“Which you have just told me.”

“Excuse me?” he blinked at her.

“‘His work and existence is one of the best kept secrets in the entire United Kingdom.’ And you have just told me about him.”

Marty immediately turned very, very pale. “Oh God, what have I done? I will be killed for sure. Beheaded like this dumb queen with her pimped out dress and white, stinky wig –”

“Marie Antoinette.”

“– Mary Anton!” he continued in a scream.

Then, to Marty’s horror, the door to the police station opened. He shrieked and jumped out of his chair. Elizabeth’s body temperature increased – What if it’s the killer? she thought between two raced heartbeats –, and she craned her head to see who had entered the station. And as soon as she saw who had come, her body temperature promptly dropped – her initial, unreasonable fear – Marty had told her that someone was coming after all – being replaced by cold disbelief.

Only a few metres away from her stood a person she knew. A person who had just turned around and whose eyes widened at the sight of her just like her own did.

Cute Shortie.

  ***

  Ten minutes later, Elizabeth Midford was sitting in the back seat of a Bentley. A 1954er R-type continental. One of the only 208 which had ever been created, instinctively crossed her mind. Growing up with an older brother and a father with a deep love for old and rare things, especially cars, had left marks on her. Furthermore, ever since she had been a child, facts and numbers had a comforting effect on her. And now, it helped her to keep her mind from drifting away again.

King Henry VIII never slept without an axe beside him.

Two-thirds of the world’s population has never seen snow.

The first three digits of pi are 3.14. Backwards, these numbers spell “pie.”

Four is considered to be an unlucky number in some Asian countries as their names for “four” sound similar to their words for “death.”

In Thailand, “five” is pronounced as “ha.” 555 would be “ha ha ha.”

The national anthem of Greece consists of 158 stanzas, but, normally, only the first two are sung.

The tradition to buy a white dress which is specially made and worn for and on your wedding started with Queen Victoria in 1840. Before that, women wore dresses to their weddings which they could wear afterwards too. Also, these dresses could be of any colour.

People suffering from Capgras delusion believe that someone close to them, for example a good friend or family members, was replaced by a doppelganger.

One year after the tragedy of the Titanic, the International Ice Patrol came into existence. Its purpose is to warn ships of icebergs.

Even though Buddhism originates from India, only around one percent of Indians are Buddhists. Most of them are Hindus.

Ciel Phantomhive is the “Phantom Protector of Great Britain.”

  Half an hour later, the Bentley stopped, and Ciel’s butler, a tall man with black hair and peculiar eyes, opened the door for Elizabeth. She left her bags inside the car, and the butler helped her to get out. The instance she saw where they were, her eyes widened.

Why did they bring me to school?

Quietly, Elizabeth followed Ciel and his butler to Blue House, and the butler opened a door for them which said  “McMillan & Phantomhive Detective Agency – Chocolate for Investigating.” Ciel entered the room and sat down behind a large desk, and as soon as Elizabeth had stepped through the door too, the butler closed it behind her, leaving the two of them alone.

As weak as a kitten, Elizabeth fell onto a sofa. The entire day had been awfully draining. First, she had been late to school. Then, she had lost her diary and became witness to murder. Now, she was sitting inside a Detective Agency at her school with the ominous “Phantom Protector of Great Britain” opposite from her – who had turned out to be the boy she had run into this very morning.

“I thought that it would be better if we could talk in a calm environment,” Ciel started, turning on a table lamp which was barely able to illuminate the room. “The police station is rather... loud with Card in charge.” He leaned back. “Let me introduce me first: My name is Ciel Phantomhive, the Earl of Phantomhive – but I guess that you have already known that.”

Blood rushed into Elizabeth’s cheeks, and she was thankful for the dim light. “I am Elizabeth Midford.”

She could faintly see Ciel raising one of his eyebrows. “Midford? Like in Marquess Alexis Leon Midford?”

Elizabeth nodded. “Yes. I am his daughter.”

“I see.”

Ciel wanted to continue, but a question suddenly blurted out of Elizabeth and cut him off: “How come you are ‘The Phantom Protector of Great Britain’?”

He blinked at her. “Excuse me?”

Elizabeth’s cheeks turned bright red. “That’s what Marty Card called you,” she mumbled.

“Card?” She could hear Ciel chuckle. “Nobody calls me that.”

Elizabeth looked up, and Ciel continued: “But that is, more or less, a description of what I am and what I do.” Ciel’s next words froze the blood in her veins.

“I am the Watchdog of the Queen – the secret executive organ, the private detective, and private assassin of Her Majesty the Queen Elizabeth the Second.

“I am the detective in charge of this murder case; and, unfortunately, you, Lady Midford, have to work with me now.”

[courtsofstarlight]

Tagged by the lovely @acourtofhopeanddreams ❤️❤️thank you! Where is your phone? Currently in my hands haha I'm using Tumblr mobile Your hair? Up in a messy bun, but like cute messy 💁🏼 Your dad? Sitting next to me shoving his face with the lunch I brought him home😂 I swear the man needs a shovel Your other half? My other half is currently being a model In LA miss her terribly Your favorite food? 🍣 sushi sushi! Your dream last night? I had a night terror so my dreams was pretty fucked up don't wanna scare y'all by sharing that Your favorite drink? TEA ALL DA WAY ☕️ Fear? Spiders af 🕷 and loosing someone I love like a future husband or child. Favorite shoes? My nikes (grey with pink Nike sign) cuz they are sooooo comfy and cute Favorite way to relax? Laying in my bed after a long day with some tea a good book or movie and my dog snuggling with me Your mood? Tired as usual and nervous. Was at the vet all day with one of my dogs he might have a tumor 😔 Your love? Well I don't have a boyfriend but I'm talking to this guy 😏 he's taking exams rn 😂 Where were you last night? Home being the lazy ass I am Something you aren’t? Outgoing and assertive Muffins? Hell Yaaaa, just not chocolate I'm not a fan of chocolate Wishlist item? Getting married to an amazing man. Having children, getting a job as an exotic vet, making money to make my family secure so they never have to worry and traveling Where you grew up? Here and there. Born in San Clemente, then to Orange County then to lake Elsinore to where I am now (California btw) Last thing you did? Been at the vet all day. What are you wearing? Loose shirt and light blue jeans Something you hate? Liars.. and people I can't trust.. Your pets? Got 9 lol, 2 chinchillas (Luna and Aries)2 Chihuahuas (karli, tank) 1 husky (lily) 1 hamster(wren) 1leopard gecko(neko)1all white cockatiel (sunny) and 1 turtle (Angelo) Life? Finishing highschool next week so I feel like life is really just beginning Regrets? Letting bullies get to me as a child and closing myself off. Because of this I have major social anxiety and putting my trust into people who I should have known would use it to fuck me over. I'll tag some new friends of mine and new followers ❤️ @smushingthefandoms @fer081200 @blossxmer @littlemissfangirl22 @twistedholly

[percyinpanties]

Ice cream asks : ALL OF THEM. I WANT TO KNOW ALL.

hahah, alright.

chocolate: when was your first kiss?at 13

french vanilla: how old are you?20

cotton candy: three places you want to travel to?answered

strawberry: a language you wish you could speak?answered

coffee: favorite cosmetic brands?i like elf a lot and my lipsticks are either jeffree star or rip off ebay crap :)

mint chocolate chip: indoors or outdoors?outdoors

cookie dough: do you play any instruments?i can play like three songs on the piano and one on the guitar

rocky road: favorite songs at the moment?answered

butter pecan: favorite songs for life?some nights by fun, throne by bmth, backseat serenade by all time low and running with the wolves by cloud cult,

cheesecake: what’s your zodiac sign?I’m a virgo

toasted coconut: the beach or the pool?beach

chocolate chip: what’s your most popular post?i think either the one with Headcanons for the seven going dark or the one with percy getting cursed with a truth spell

bubblegum: books or movies?books

pistachio: manga or anime?neither really

salted caramel: favorite movies?answered

birthday cake: favorite books?Last one i really liked was the torch keeper triology by steven dos santos :)

moose tracks: favorites for manga?the only one i ever read was death note at like 12

orange sherbet: favorites for anime?answered

peanut butter: favorite academic subject?used to be art, english and chemistry (now it’s teaching english as a foreign language)

black raspberry: do you have any pets?nope :(

mango: when and why did you start your blog?a little over 2 years ago because there were less than 50 jercy fics on ao3 and I needed more so I decided to write them myself :)

mocha: ideal weather conditions?sunny and just about warm enough for a tshirt, or a summer thunderstorm

black cherry: four words that describe you?a hot mess yay

neapolitan: things that stress you out?everything. :D (i am not kidding :D)

raspberry truffle: favorite kind of music?all the music

chocolate marshmallow: favorite brands of candy?i love skittles

toffee: a card game that you’re good at?scrabble, that’s a board game nevermind….

lemon custard: do you eat breakfast?answered

dark chocolate: turn ons?answered

fudge: turn offs?eh. I don’t know. I go high to low to high without any provocation so it’s eh

peach: how do you relax?I don’t :D (jk, I have music on and a nap or some tea or an audiobook)

praline: a popular book you haven’t read yet?Ari & dante - but I’ve got that for my flight home :)

superman: do you like sweaters?I looove sweaters c:

cherry: do you drink tea or coffee?loads and loads of both.

dulce de leche: an instrument you wish you could play?maybe guitar. that would be neat.

blackberry: have you ever laughed so hard you cried?answered

ginger: a new feature you wish tumblr could have?a better block function or a blacklist function for mobile.

almond: favorite mean girls quote?you actually made me google mean girls quotes bc I could only think of ‘she doesn’t even go here.’“I guess it’s probably because I’ve got a big lesbian crush on you! Suck on that.”

butterscotch: what color are your nails right now?gold :) 

cinnamon: have you ever been confessed to?answered

blue moon: have you ever had a crush on someone?a few times.

cappuccino crunch: do you take naps?all the time.

mint: the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done?answered

brownie batter: do you like sushi?loads. I made some myself a few weeks back.

key lime: where do you want to be right now?I’m actually pretty happy where I am (in bed :D)

red velvet: do you wear prescription glasses?Yup, my  big glasses are not a fashion statement I do need them to see

green tea: favorite flavors of ice cream?answered.