#sure he’s petulant but again: he’s just some 20 year old dude

[ghostdrinkssoup]

dorian gray wasn’t even that vain, he was just 20. everyone has a moment in their 20s when they realise they’re actually kinda hot, that’s a part of life and it’s totally Normal. it’s not dorian’s fault that all these sexually repressed men are obsessed with him, nor is it his fault that he’s exclusively attracted to red flags. this is just what happens when you’re in your 20s </3

[beeexx]

Set after 2x6, Alex and Kyle talk about things.

You can read it here  on my ao3 too. Just a little snippet I wrote after everything so to say.

“I need a friend.” That’s the words Alex wakes up to when he finally crawls out of his bedroom to open the door to Kyle’s persistent ringing. His cheek has a crease from sleeping in a weird position on his pillow and his hair is sleep tousled.

At the sight of Alex Kyle’s eyebrow shoots upwards and his mouth open.

“Wait, were you sleeping?” Alex is too tired to feel bothered by the fact that he is indeed only wearing sweatpants and a blanket wrapped around himself.

“Maybe.” He mutters

“Dude, it’s like 1pm.”

“Yeah well…”

“Okay, maybe you need a friend too, can I come in?” Alex bites back the reply of we’re not friends which threatens to escape. Also, the fact that he steps aside to let Kyle in probably means they are. From behind him Kyle picks up two plastic bags and sidesteps Alex to get inside. 

“Just make yourself comfortable.” He mutters to the empty space and closes it slowly. His brain really hasn’t woken up enough for this. He walks into his bedroom and puts on a t-shirt and an old ratty jumper lying at the back of his closet. When he finally makes it to the kitchen where Kyle is he decides that Kyle and him are definitely friends because a cup of hot steaming coffee is pushed into his hands. He can’t help the moan he lets out at the sip he takes. Kyle just chuckles and leans back against the counter, looking happy. 

“So, what’s up?”

“Ugh, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay, if you’re not here to talk about it then why are you here?”

“Well it was this, the gym or gettin drunk, and before you ask, yes I already tried the gym. It didn’t do the trick. And the second option being alcohol, it is 1pm and I am not in the habit of getting drunk at that time, and I also have a job to go to tomorrow and I didn’t think you would appreciate getting drunk with me. Because, well because you have a job to go to as well. So I had to get creative and hanging out honestly seemed like the best option I had.”

Alex takes another sip.

 “Should I feel offended by the fact that I rank the lowest on that list?” 

“I thought you might say that so I bought bribing material.” He looks through one of the plastic bags and holds up a couple of Airheads and a packet of flaming hot Cheetos. Kyle wiggle his eyebrows.

“Yeah that is definitely not bad bragging material.” Alex puts the coffee down and takes the snacks off Kyle.

“I haven’t had Airheads in so long.”

“They used to be your favourite when we grew up.”

“You remember?” Alex is actually surprised to hear that.

“Of course I remember. I don’t even know why you like them so much but today I am definitely not judging because on the way here I stopped and probably bought mine and your weights combined in snacks.”

“You really must be having a bad day.” Alex laughs.

“I drove all the way here and brought enough snacks to give me diabetes in 20 years time, so yes I definitely am.” Kyle says and picks out a bag of Moams from the bags. Alex peeks over his shoulder to see that Kyle definitely wasn’t lying. The bags or filled up with different kinds of snacks to honestly last Alex 6 months. 

“Did you at least bring anything to drink with all of this?”

Kyle replies by taking out a six packs of Mountain Dew and Coke and Alex shakes his head but goes for the Mountain Dew.

“I haven’t had this shit since I was a kid, that’s for sure.” He takes out a glass and hands one to Kyle before he fills his glass up with the soda. He takes a sip and it tastes just like he remembers, sickly sweet. He takes an even bigger sip.

“So, what’s next then?”

“I have thought of that too my friend.” Kyle says and apparently he has because what he does next is that he he puts a stack of DVDs in front of Alex and steps back.

“Wow, you really have.” Alex leans over and looks at the selection. He spots Back to the Future at the top. 

“I have.”

“Star Wars? Really?” Alex holds the DVD up.

“Oh yes, I am desperate enough to watch Star Wars, that should tell you something.”

“Yeah, but Star Wars, that’s a new level even for you.”

Kyle snorts and pops some popcorn into his mouth. 

“I didn’t know you even owned this.” Kyle shrugs.

“I bought them a while back but I’ve not really had the time to watch them.”

“I see… well you know what sure. Let’s watch Star Wars.” Alex picks up one of the bags along with his snacks and walks into the living room, Kyle in tow. 

“This is a nice place.” Kyle notes as he lays himself down onto the couch like he owns the place. Alex lets him, just because he’s having a day. He sits down on the other end and opens up the Cheetos. 

“Thanks.”

“The military pay for this?”

“Yeah.”

“Hm, not bad.”

Alex picks up the DVD.

“Are you sure you want to watch this?”

“I’m probably the only 28 year old who hasn’t seen Star Wars, I feel like I’m missing out on part of my culture.”

“I mean yeah you probably are the only person our age who hasn’t seen this. You know you’re supposed to start with episode IV right?”

“What? How does that make any sense. Why?” 

Alex laughs at the obvious confusion Kyle seems to feel over this.

“George Lucas had the idea for Star Wars for a long time and while he was making the first film he had already figured out a lot of the backstory and what happened before it. But because he wasn’t sure it wouldn’t completely flop he waited to make the others after the success was already certain of the three first films.”

The room’s silent and Kyle’s looking at him like he’s slightly insane.

“Okay, you asked.” Alex says, his cheeks only heating a little.

“Yeah, no, okay that was totally on me. I did ask.”

Alex replies by chucking a Cheetos at his face and Kyle’s reflexes kick in and he catches it mid air. He looks proud and Alex just rolls his eyes. 

“Okay, are you sure you want to spend the afternoon watching Star Wars of all things? I’m sure I can find something that you’d actually enjoy.”

“Nope, I’m certain.” Alex relents and puts on episode IV. He’s having a little bit of a hard time  believing this whole to be fair but whatever if Kyle doesn’t want to talk about it then he’s not going to push him. 

Alex lasts about 40 minutes of munching snacks and drinking Coke like he’s 15 again, and a part of him enjoys it because he doesn’t have to think about…...things……. but he’s been living by his own motto when it comes to everyone which is that he left bullshit in Iraq. He sighs and presses pause.

“Hey, that Luke person was just about to do some training with the erm stick….oooo lightsaber, why did you turn it off?”

Alex is surprised Kyle actually seems to have grasped what is going on.

“The fact that you’re keeping up tells me this is serious enough that we need to have a conversation.”

Kyle’s eyes widens and he slumps down in his seat and crosses his arms.

“Are you pouting like a child??”

“No.” The tone is so petulant Alex laughs.

“Come on, what’s going on? I’m trying to be a friend now. For real totally trying.” Kyle grimaces

“I’d rather watch Luke Skytalker.”

“Walker.”

“Yeah, whatever, I’d rather watch him and Han Solo save Carrie Fisher.”

“Princess Leia, also you know who Carrie Fisher is?”

“Of course I know who she is, I was a jock but I wasn’t blind.”

Alex can buy that.

“Nope, we’re still talking.”

Kyle sighs and lies down completely on the couch. 

“Okay, well the other day was definitely weird. I’ve been avoiding Liz because, well I am struggling a little bit with having to deal with her choosing Max and me doing her every bidding which is clearly not healthy so I went to this gay bar just to get away a little from everything and I ran into Isobel. Now I like Isobel, and we danced and had a good time and then we were totally gonna sleep with each other but I chickened out because I kind of like this other girl so I went back to the hospital to see if she was still around only to find out that she was in surgery, all alone without telling me anything…. and I’ve been feeling kind of off since.” He rambles on.

“Wait, did you just tell me you went to a gay bar?” Alex cannot believe this. Kyle groans and hides his face.

“My hopes were that you would hyper focus on me and Isobel almost sleeping together rather than the gay bar part.”

“Oh you and Isobel almost sleeping together that doesn’t surprise me one bit to be honest. I thought it would happen sooner than this.”

“....what?” Kyle shouts.

“But you, Kyle ‘Hyper Masculine’ Valenti went to a gay bar?”

“Can we focus on the other parts of the story?”

“No, definitely not.”

“Ugh, well I’m very comfortable in myself and my sexuality thank you very much but even us straight guys enjoy putting glitter on our faces from time to time.”

“Oh my god.” Alex laughs, loving this. “You had glitter on your face?”

“Totally.”

“Please tell me you have pictures.”

“Sorry.”

“Well that’s just a crime, you went to a gay bar with glitter on your face and didn’t take any photos?”

“You can just come with me next time and see.”

“Honestly I might, it sounds very tempting.” Alex jokes and Kyle smiles. 

“Back to the issue please.”

“What is the issue exactly?”

“I don’t even know, I like Steff and I thought we had something going on. But now I’m worried about her too, and then the whole Isobel thing and it’s all just messed with my head.”

“I don’t mean to make it into a competition over who’s had a worse day out of the two of us, but I honestly think I win.” Alex says without thinking. His eyes widen and he shakes his head.

“No I mean nothing by that.”

“Pfft, you left bullshit in Iraq, well I left bullshit in high school, so what’s going on? I’m only going to assume it has something to do with you staying in bed like a teenager to 1pm.”

“I can’t believe I’m about to tell you this... Well I went with Maria to find out more information about her mom’s disappearance and we ended up in the middle of nowhere with this crazy guy who stabbed me in the chest and chased Maria through a cornfield. Michael came later too, but Maria had already disabled the guy by then and I was mostly fine. Then we find out the crazy guy has a twin who is well, not crazy and shoots his brother in front of us and tells us to call an ambulance and then get the hell out of there. Which we do and then after coming down from the adrenaline of almost dying well, I have a threesome with Maria and Michael….”

Kyle spits the soda out. 

“What the fuck?!”

“So I win then?”

“Oh totally, but also what the fuck? You had what now? A threesome?”

“Yeah.” Alex runs a hand through his hair and avoids looking at Kyle. 

“But you’re gay.”

“Yeah definitely.”

“Erm so why? I mean not that I’m against threesomes, you do you if you know what I mean. I am however having a little bit of trouble understanding why you slept with the love of your life and your best friend in this world?”

Alex tries not to flinch at the words because he’s kind of tried to stay in denial about the whole goddamn thing and when it’s put in the terms of love of your life and best friend in the whole world it sound really stupid.

He shrugs.

“I just… I just… I don’t know I didn’t want to be alone after everything that had just happened. I mean getting stabbed is not something that’s ever happened to me. It wasn’t exactly common when I was deployed so getting sneaked up on and then assaulted wasn’t something I wanted to go home to an empty house with. I have enough PTSD already and that was just doomed to set of insomnia for a while. So staying was better than leaving and then one thing led to another.”

“Wow man...that’s tough. How are you feeling?”

“How often do you think I end up sleeping to 1pm?”

“So, is this one of those instances where I have to go beat Michael up?”

Despite all it makes Alex smile. He feels grateful for Kyle.

“No it wasn’t his fault. And also we’re not in high school anymore, I could totally take the both of you on even with just one leg.”

“Yeah that’s definitely true. Well you say the word and I will drive over and drag him out the junkyard myself.”

Alex smiles again.

“Thanks, but no need.”

“So you’re not angry?”

“No no, not angry, I just…”

“He chose Maria again?”

Alex wonders if it’s all written on his face and that’s why Kyle seems to be able to read it all.

“No it’s not really that. I just. I feel anger towards my dad sometimes. Because he fucked me up so badly when I was young.”

“Hey hey, there’s nothing wrong with you.” 

Kyle puts his hand down between them on the sofa, leaving it there for Alex to take if he wants to. He exhales.

“I went to therapy after I lost my leg. It’s the first time I went. I should have gone way earlier because my pile of issues were huge even before I lost it. I was forced to go when I lost my leg, because even then I was convinced I didn’t need help. Because going to therapy is the weakest thing a man can do. That’s what I heard on repeat in my head when I was being wheeled into her office a month after the truck had exploded with me in it. It was his voice saying, “You’re weak Alex, you’re weak” over and over again…”

Kyle doesn’t say anything, Alex has turned his head away, staring in the opposite wall so he doesn’t have to look at Kyle’s face. 

But…

He does take Kyle’s offer up on support and grabs his hand on the couch in reassurance. Kyle grips it tightly and Alex continues.

“We didn’t really talk too much about my life before the Air Force. She was a good therapist, she really was but I wasn’t really there to unpack the trauma of having all my self worth being beaten out of me by my father, so we didn’t. Which is why, now that I’m back here that the things that happened before I enlisted have just been pushed away and undealt with for years. Which is not the ideal way of dealing with issues. They are all just being dragged back up again and I keep going in circles around it. So sleeping with Maria and Michael really wasn’t the solution to anything, but I’m not sure it made anything worse either.”

Kyle grasps his hand again encouraging him to go on. 

“Michael’s the only person I’ve ever had any sort of relationship with, the only person I’ve ever really wanted to be with too but when we met I was young and the issues had only just begun. Michael had his own set of problems too and while I am definitely guilty in how things went down between us then and now I still even now, I just…”

He starts scratching at a loose thread on the sofa, just to have something to do. 

“Love always comes with some sort of conditions. That’s all thanks to my dad… I can’t escape the feeling of every time I let myself be vulnerable something is going to happen that ruins it. That I’m not good enough or that I’m not loveable because I am who I am… I don’t like myself at times because my dad drilled that into me, that I am unlovable, and if I don’t love myself how is anyone else supposed to? I never feel secure either, in myself or any partner. It’s just a big mess tangled together.”

Alex takes breath and bites down the tears. Even talking about it is really hard for him. 

“I love Maria as a friend, but I guess she’s just had this ability to make me feel safe where no one else has, not even Michael. And it isn’t Michael’s fault really, because he didn’t know what I needed, how could he? I didn’t even know at the time… I just know that after what happened between us that it’s time to move on, move forward and demand better for myself. I just want more than what I’ve been given before…”

“Wow, I really should have brought alcohol shouldn’t I?”

Alex chuckles watery and looks over at Kyle who looks like he’s been hiding his own tears.

Ugh, not really how he planned for this day to go. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to put all that on you.” He clears his throat in embarrassment.

Kyle looks annoyed and pulls on Alex’s arm. He doesn’t understand but moves closer to Kyle. When he’s close enough Kyle wraps his arms around him and Alex is stunned into silence.

“Don’t ever apologize to me Alex. Especially not for something like this, okay?”

Alex nods silently and for a moment allows himself be held. After a while he distangles himself and moves away. Kyle lets him. 

“So, are you and Michael over then, for good?”

Alex takes a long moment before he replies.

“I always had this idea that we would end up together, but after everything I honestly don’t know any more. If I live long enough then maybe yeah in the future. But not for a while. I need some time to figure out who I am.”

“Okay, well even so, even after what you and Michael have been through, however bad it was at times it would make some sense too if you wanted to give yourself some time to mourn him and whatever you had together. If you don’t then that hole in your chest might just expand forever.” He says softly. Alex gulps and sighs, refusing to cry again.

“Y-yeah.”

They’re both quiet for a while, Alex just sitting with what he’s come to terms with.

“So, more Star Wars?” Alex nods and jumps on the distraction Kyle offers. He opens up a package of Maryland cookies and munches them down.

All this food is looking more and more like comfort food to him.

…….

Two films later Kyle is laying on the floor, crumbs on his chest and his head in his phone trying to figure out tiktok dances. Alex has taken up the whole couch and he feels drunk. He probably is going through a sugar high because his whole body is buzzing with energy.

“I can’t remember the last time I had this much sugar.” He groans and eats an M&M.

“Me neither.” Kyle is definitely looking way to concentrated on that tiktok thing.

“Kyle you’re almost thirty, are you sure there isn’t an age limit on the app?”

“Shut up.” Kyle mutters but puts the phone down. Alex snort and throws some popcorn at him.

“Do you have any food around?” 

Alex shrugs, he has no clue. Kyle groans but gets up and walks into the kitchen. He’s wearing a pair of Alex’s sweatpants that are way too small for him, but the day spent eating just junk food, the jeans he arrived in had long gone been discarded of. Kyle bangs about in the kitchen for a while and Alex doesn’t move because he’s kind of comfortable where he is.

“You have pizza, that will do.” Kyle declares and comes back out with the stack of DVDs that had been left in there earlier.

“So you pick something. I need something other than the force, lightsabers and aliens. I feel like we should both be done with aliens for the night.”

“Then why did you bring Infinity War?”

“What? I like that film.”

“God who are you?”

“What? It’s really good, also Captain America is inspiring.”

“Patriotism and steroids your thing Valenti?”

“Funny, no, well you know what he’s actually pretty hot and he’s workout routine is impressive as hell.”

“Honestly, I’m more into Robert Downey JR. and that man is over 50.” Alex quips back. Kyle looks thoughtful.

“Nah, still digging Chris Evans more.”

“I mean blondes were never my type.”

“Yeah that much is clear.” Kyle snorts. Alex throws some more popcorn at him and Kyle whacks him with a pillow.

They end up watching Legally Blonde instead and this is definitely one of the strangest days Alex’s ever had. But it’s also kind of the best ones he’s ever had too, not that he’s letting Kyle know that of course.

It gets late, way after 2am and Alex is not cruel enough that he is going to let Kyle drive home at that time.

“Okay, I’ll stay but I am taking the couch.” Kyle says. Alex scoffs.

“Don’t be ridiculous, this couch is really uncomfortable, it will mess up your posture for sure.” Kyle eyes it suspiciously.

“My bed is big enough for two.”

“Are you sure?” Kyle looks uncertain.

“I’m sure.” Alex says reassuringly. 

So, they end up sharing a bed just like they used to do when they were kids and things were good and normal between them. Also Alex’s bed is definitely big enough for the two of them. He invested in this bed when he decided to stay here long term. He’s spent too many years of his life sleeping in uncomfortable beds that he’s done with that forever. So he had splashed out on this because he deserved it. And he was nearing 30, his back definitely deserved it.

“This reminds me of us as kids.” Kyle says later when they are comfortable. Ales chuckles.

“Yeah same, I hope you’re not still a snorer.”

“I haven’t snored a day in my life.”

“That’s definitely a lie and you know it.”

Kyle laughs and fake snores. Alex snorts at the ridiculousness of it all.

He falls asleep feeling a little better though.

……..

At 4:30 am they are abruptly woken up by someone knocking on his door.

“What the fuck?!” Kyle groans. Alex doesn’t even turn over, instead he starts poking Kyle’s arm. He refuses to get up. Kyle groans some more but after a while he gives in and leaves.

Alex is so tired he doesn’t even listen for who it is. That’s a mistake.

The person who has decided to come disturb him at this god forsaken hour appears to be Isobel, and her voice is loud. 

“Oh my god Kyle, you left the bar a changed man I see. I can’t believe you slept with Alex.”

Alex sits up immediately, as quick as he can with just his one leg and pulls the duvet up to cover himself. Her eyes trail over him and Alex brains clicks into action because that’s definitely what this looks like to an outsider. Kyle comes running in, his hair a mess, shirtless and still looking half asleep.

“That’s definitely not what happened.” He says, Isobel narrows her eyes.

“Well it’s not really any of my business. I hope you used protection.” She sits down on the bed and Alex doesn’t understand what is happening because Isobel and him are definitely not close, and for her to sit down on the bed like she knows him is strange as hell. 

“What are you doing here Isobel?” He asks.

“Oh, well we’ve been trying to get in contact with both of you for hours, but none of you have been replying. You usually answer when Michael or Maria calls but you dodged those too, which is strange but whatever.”

Alex honestly doesn’t even know where his phone is, he hadn’t looked at it all day yesterday, so he definitely has no clue what has been going on in the life of people outside this house.

“But after everything that happened I felt like being nice and charitable and drive all the way over here. I also thought you’d be up by now Captain, doesn’t your day start at 5 normally?”

Normally yeah, he might be up by this time, but not when he’s consumed his own weight in sugar and gone to bed late while dealing with things, then he doesn’t.

“So I’m charity now?” He says instead.

“Something like that, come on let’s get going. Chop Chop.”

“What happened?” Kyle asks.

“Max remembers something, from a dream maybe. Alarming things, so come one. I’ll buy you two coffee on the way there.” 

She blows a kiss at Kyle and leaves the room. Kyle gives him a look at Alex sighs.

Yep, no rest in Roswell, that’s for sure.

[artsybanchou]

OOf. I gots another AU, everyone. Sorry.

Technically, I’ve got another roughly seven or so because Detroit: Become Human is just begging for crossover AUs with other fandoms. This one is a Merlin: Become Human AU. Some info is in the really quick doodles I did above. The rest will be below the cut so I don’t clutter people’s dashes.

HOO Boi, you fool! Clicking on that keep reading link, welcome to my hell. My brain won’t stop churning these out and apparently you want in on that. I’ll hit you with what I’ve been thinking about regarding this so far. I welcome discussion. If you’ve got ideas relating to this or want to participate with me, go ham in the comments or make your own post and just tag me or use Merlin:Become Human AU in the tags so I can see how you’ve expanded on it! 

General Premise:

Merlin is an android (not sent by Cyberlife). He’s actually an independent prototype, unlicensed and unregistered, created by a disgruntled former Cyberlife employee (Gaius) who felt that Androids and their AI had reached a point that they should be recognized as an intelligent species with their own rights. Cyberlife disagreed and Gaius left the company because of what he perceived as their immorality. Gaius, now working on his own in the middle of nowhere with no oversight, makes the one of a kind Merlin. Merlin is designed to look and act incredibly human, even moreso than most androids. His programming, in particular, is designed to heavily encourage deviation and machine learning in the hopes that Merlin will advance so far beyond his original coding that he is virtually unrecognizable when compared to how he began, emulating the kind of growth that makes humans seem so alive.  Another feature Merlin is programmed to have in order to appear more human is the ability to change how old he appears to be (to reflect on Merlin’s frequent age changing shenanigans in the original show). Merlin is also given an atypically large amount of information about technology and programming so that he can have the ability to grapple with his own existence in the same way humans do when studying biology, psychology, or neurology. What this means, though, is that Merlin is able to accomplish feats akin to magic (heh) with technology. Probably even reprograms himself on occasion or changes his own hardware just because he can. 

So Merlin is born and he’s a pretty great success. Gaius feels as though he really is living with a petulant, sassy late teens/early 20s human being. Sometimes, he genuinely forgets Merlin is an android. So does Merlin. These two are out in the middle of nowhere living their best life with a few others (maybe Hunith-- good mother figure for Merlin, could be andoird or human). This eventually develops into Merlin having to go to High School or college. Maybe Merlin watched too much TV with that setting and became unbearably curious and annoying about going, maybe Gaius wanted to prove that humans and androids could not only coexist but it’d be so incredibly seamless that no one would even notice anything-- maybe a little bit of both. High School or College are good settings for Merlin to test out his immersion because of his own youthful demeanor (aka abundance of snark and attitude). 

MERLIN GOES TO SCHOOL.

I think we all know what happens from here. 

Merlin arrives at his first day of school to a scene of Arthur and some other kids knocking around an android who is gardening on campus. Merlin gets pissed and intervenes, because while he’d seen stuff about people hating androids on the net, he’d never experienced it in real life. Arthur tells Merlin to back off and that he and his friends can do whatever they want to the android because his family can pay the school for damages to their property since his family is rich. Merlin gets sassy (”You sure you can afford that? I’d assume that if you had enough money to replace an android, you’d have enough to fix your awful personality.”) Conversation continues, maybe roughly in the vein of:

Arthur: “Dude, chill. This thing is just an object. Why are you getting so pissy about this?”

Merlin: “Do you even know the first thing about androids? Because my bet is no.”

Arthur: “Excuse me, I’ll have you know I’m--”

*Merlin shoves everyone away from the android so he can examine the gardener and finds both the audio and visual processing units are damaged (the ones that Marcus damaged in the one scene, spoilers? I’m trying to be vague don’t mind me).*

Merlin: “You damaged this android’s __ and __. He has completely lost the ability to see and hear and yet you keep kicking him. I don’t suppose any of you remember the last group of humans that found fun in assaulting the disabled.”

Merlin probably insults the intelligence of Arthur and all of his friends (well, I can’t say I’m surprised. None of you look like someone passing history class). Arthur fires back about Merlin being a bleeding heart or some shit. Arthur reveals he is the son of the politician leading the anti-android movement. Now that Arthur knows this new guy is an android-apologist, Arthur declares Merlin had better watch his back. Merlin gives him a sassy response in the way of that not being how a politician’s son should behave, probably. From there on Merlin and Arthur frequently but heads over the treatment of androids and androids’ rights.

There will, of course, be other shenanigans going on. Merlin is going to be incredibly odd, as he learned how one acts in High School/College from TV and maybe webcomics so he has trouble fitting in at first. He definitely makes friends though, because that’s just who Merlin is. Eventually, he’ll also stumble into Arthur’s friendship, although at this point I have no idea how.

Last thoughts: 

These are my less developed ideas, although the above can hardly be called developed either. 

Being an android is parallel for being a magic user. Hence Merlin being an android disguised as a human who is standing up for android rights.

Morgana is probably an android, assuming we stick to this idea. She might not know it or just be hiding it, but Uther would know and it would be a prime highlight of the hypocrisy he is known for. Morgana would likely also be a very unique android, possibly a gift from Cyberlife to Uther. Finding out that she is an android could be a great moment of tension for both Morgana and Arthur as their confidence in the man they believed to be their father was shaken. 

Ooo, what if Morgana was an experimental android in aging technology. She was gifted to Uther as a baby and every year she has a “check-up” where her AI is transplanted into a slightly larger android body to mimic the process of growing up. She could be unconscious during these check ups and hence it would be perfectly natural for her not to realize that she is an android. As for why Uther would accept this gift, I have no idea. 

Because of Merlin’s ability to change the age he appears, it would make sense if Gaius was the head of the project Morgana was the android of before he left. Gaius could be the expert on aging technology in androids. It could be that seeing the humanity in Morgana as she slowly grew up alongside her human brother was what pushed Gaius over the edge in demanding that androids be seen as human because he feared what would happen to Morgana if the public ever found out. 

Some kind of android purge taking place in the story, possibly due to the events in Detroit, would be a great arc for the characters where everyone has a new conflict to worry about. Whether or not Arthur knows how many of his closest friends and family members are androids at this point-- I have no idea. I want to see Arthur agressively protecting Morgana, but at the same time an enthusiatic Arthur participating in the purging until he discovers his own sister should be the target of his rage would be an incredibly palpable moment and just-- there is a lot to consider.

So yeah. That’s roughly where I am now with all of this. If you want to expand on this, do it. I want to hear other people’s ideas. If you make your own post (speculation, fanfic, fanart, telling me I’m full of shit) about it tag me or use the hashtag Merlin:BecomeHumanAU so I can see! I have no idea when I’m going to post about this specific AU again, because I’ve got six other D:BH AUs I want to just throw out here into the void first, but seeing other people’s theories and thoughts on things like this always gets me energized.

THanks for scrolling through this disorganized monster of my thoughts. This was probably a lot to deal with.

[donnerpartyofone]

my pal x

for somewhere around a year now (i have trouble with chronology but that’s probably fair), i’ve had this buddy, who recently disappeared. my acquaintance with him began when i started to visit this convenient bar between the end of my work day, and the beginning of the thursday night radio show i co-host with one of my oldest friends. if i don’t get some time all by myself between these two social events, then i’m libel to lose my mind, so i appreciated the presence of this watering hole in the crumbling industrial campus where the radio station is located. i was worried, at first, when one of the bartenders started to make friends with me, just out of regular exposure, since socializing was the opposite of my reason for being there. once i got to know him, though, i was pretty glad for the company.

X was a terrific bartender who, even though he seemed to have been sober for years, could confidently walk me through the bar’s extensive beer program. besides that, he was a smart, funny guy with a lot of deep cultural cuts to share. i discovered that he had a lot in common with many of my most esteemed friends–he knew both high- and low-brow film, had an extensive awareness of rare independent and experimental music, and brandished an intimate knowledge of the scummier side of many major american cities as they existed in the 70s and 80s. we traded legitimate oddities, like recordings of punk and hardcore classics made by groups of little kids under different weird, hilarious circumstances. i still keep plenty of crusty, beer-drenched handwritten notes from him listing obscure bands i needed to check out, even though some are barely legible. i did my best to keep up with him, to give something back; i don’t have a genuinely deep knowledge of much of anything, but i keep a few cool secrets here and there.

as one might guess from some of the above, X was an old junkie. by “old” i really mean something more like “experienced” or “careworn” or something. he was in his 40s, which is not far off from my age, but he’d been through a lot more than i can imagine. we became closer when he asked me if i would read a passage from a book he was trying to write. he didn’t expect that i’d give him extremely detailed copyediting notes, and unwieldy chunks of my personal reactions to his grimy autobiography. although he was initially nervous about exposing the worst parts of his history to his new friend, he seemed pretty thrilled to get so much work and attention out of me, and i was happy to do it. i didn’t really know how to say that i didn’t think this hubert selby jr style of reportage was in style anymore–contemporary readers who are interested in this kind of underground prose are not necessarily interested in straight white male racial commentary and opinions on sex workers and trans people and such. it isn’t that his writing was so aggressively bigoted, but it was heavily colloquial and of its moment and first-person, and i don’t know if many people are interested in that specific perspective anymore. however, his writing was also engagingly florid, grim, funny, and marked by a very interesting ability to shift suddenly between differing timelines and even hallucinations. i was totally pleased to participate. i only worried that it was too stylized, that it was more focused on attention-getting than on, i don’t know, telling the truth. a lot of my direction was aimed at bringing him back to exactly how something felt or looked or smelled at the time–what literally happened–as opposed to how he thought he should sell it to the public. but, the truth, as he told me frankly was, “i’m sick of being broke.” he had a friend who had had a modicum of success selling his own self-published junkie memoir, and was hoping to supplement his rent-paying ability in the same way. personally, i just thought he should keep writing, because he could.

when i met X he was doing basically-ok, but i had a sense that i had encountered him at the midpoint of a downward spiral. shortly before we met, he had broken up with the love of his life. you got that sense from the way he spoke, in spite of whatever conversational restraint, that he knew what he was talking about, that he had really peaked with her. she was a musician in the latest arrangement fronted by a certain famous and influential lady punk, and he still seemed to admire his ex very much. while he was trying to recover from his loss, he was also constantly on the hunt for decent living quarters. he moved from a punk squat in brooklyn to a sublet situation, under some couple. one day i came in to hear that the couple had blown town. X was sitting at home relaxing, when the u.s. marshals burst in to seize the place; the couple had been just taking X’s rent for themselves, for months, and then vanished, leaving my friend basically holding the bag. suddenly he was homeless, penniless, and without a single form of ID. he was couch surfing in new jersey for a few weeks when he managed to bribe his old landlord with his last $50 to be allowed in for just a minute to get his things. he came out with two large garbage bags that he believed contained his belongings, only to discover that the bags ALSO contained a lot of straight up garbage, meaning he had to find a way to do laundry right away. he had also lost all his personal documentation. getting an ID is so incredibly difficult and anxious-making even if you already have all the qualifying papers, i had an impossible time finding an appropriate reaction to what he was telling me. in america, if you are an adult with no ID, you might as well kill yourself. but of course, you don’t say that kind of thing.

X is a survivor, though, clearly, so i had hopes. as i said, he’d been through a lot by the time i met him. one night i was trying to sell him on the astounding experimental prison drama GHOSTS…OF THE CIVIL DEAD, when he asked me if i liked prison movies. Sure, i said, Not categorically, but I like a good one. after a beat, he replied, “man, i HATE JAIL! jail fucking SUCKS! i been to rikers, i been to sing sing, i been to attica…it all SUCKS, MAN!” on the ellipse, he listed a variety of other famous prisons in other states where he’d lived. it would be putting it too strongly to say i was surprised, given his rough and tumble early years, but i was sort of impressed in some way. unfortunately it was only recently, now, that i started watching a lot of documentary material on penal facilities. at the time i ignorantly laughed to myself, “well of course prison sucks, what a hilarious thing to say…” but the reality is that jail, prison, wherever they stick you, sucks a lot more than is obvious from pure theory. besides the basic and well known problems with the very institution, there’s also the smell, the unrelenting noise, the uncompensated labor, the unique pressures of prison society, all sorts of things that a non-con can barely guess at. i wish i still had the opportunity to ask X if he wanted to talk about it some more.

all that said, it was probably too much for me to hope that X would land on his feet. i mean i still hope that, but i feel a little foolish. one night, one of the last times i saw him, i left him an envelope with a hundred bucks in it. he was naturally delighted, but also extremely embarrassed. the next time i saw him, i told him that i was sure he would have said “no” if i asked if he would accept help, and he confirmed that yeah, it was a good thing that i just forced it on him without asking. over the next few months i had my own shit going on–sickness, family death, mandatory travel, whatever–and didn’t get to see him as often as our usual weekly meet up. when i saw him again, something even worse had happened to him that, typically, wasn’t even his fault: he was out of work for a month due to the sudden emergence of a cyst in his leg that got so bad, so quickly, that he had to buy new pants to accommodate it. apparently, it was the result of a car accident he’d suffered in his 20s. at the time, they told him that he could get a plate in his leg, but he would walk with a permanent limp, and he would certainly never run again. as a young, very broke dude, he refused that extra step, and healed just fine on his own. all the while, the potentiality of this cyst was lurking, and suddenly he found himself unable to stand on his own or even wear normal clothes. it was so close to a major artery that they were unable to lance it. luckily, i thought, he reported that it was healing pretty quickly on its own; he had a good relationship with his boss, and he expected to be back to work in a month.

the last time i ever saw him was about a month after he was supposed to have returned to work. he looked sick, flu-ish, and seemed to have a hard time finding something to say. we’d been talking about The Stranger Beside Me, Ann Rule’s classic true crime novel-cum-memoir about knowing Ted Bundy before and during his career as a serial murderer. as an erstwhile criminal, X had a personal interest in other criminals, especially those who were famous for their personalities. for naive, sheltered people like myself, it’s easy to think about guys like jesse james or whoever, people who represent an archetypal struggle between law and chaos, and whose main battle has to do with money, something anyone can relate to. it isn’t as automatic for general people to relate to the charles mansons and varg vikerneses and henry lee lucases and ed geins of the world. what we law-abiding citizens miss is not really connected to the validity of the philosophies of these criminals, or even the right to life of their victims; the potential appeal of such outlaws is in their loneliness, their permanent and foregone misunderstoodness, and their petulant abuse of a society that barely even supports the people who abide by its rules. joe coleman, the “outsider artist” whose portraits of infamous crooks and perverts have made him famous, has equated his subjects with frankenstein’s monster, and while i have no interest in forgiving misogynistic narcissists like ted bundy, it is still possible for me to understand what coleman must mean. some people, by virtue of their very chemistry, are irrevocably exiled from “normal” society, and then what are they supposed to do? what are WE supposed to do? anyway, the last time i saw X, we met at the bar, and i gave him my copy of The Stranger Beside Me the moment i finished the last page.

at the time, i knew that X had been unable to pay his phone bill, so i didn’t attempt to call or text him. now, it seems that he no longer has access to email, either.

the last time we spoke, X sheepishly admitted that a minister he knew was allowing him to borrow the guy’s private quarters–a bed, a stovetop, a shower–on a temporary basis. i still had hopes. i also had a lot of guilt. i imagined that i should be able to save him. the apartment i keep with my fiance is hilariously small; the door to our bedroom, a room that just barely fits our bed and really doesn’t fit our collective clothing, doesn’t close all the way and makes a loud noise when you open it, and the bathroom door barely closes, and our couch might not even accommodate someone of X’s height. we don’t even have much of a floor to speak of. still, i thought about letting him stay in our hallway, or on our roof, and wondered how long it might be before someone called the cops or our landlord used it as an excuse to kick us out. i also wondered how long it would take for the three of us to be at each other’s throats in this tiny space, if i managed to work this out. i still wonder what i should have done, if i already missed a legitimate opportunity to save this guy’s life.

i never know what to do with people who are in dire need. i see a homeless guy on the subway, and i start thinking, WHAT IS KEEPING ME FROM TAKING THIS GUY HOME TO HAVE SOMEWHERE TO STAY? like what, am i gonna lose my dvd player? couldn’t i live with that? what the fuck is my problem? i finally set up a reoccurring donation to nyc’s coalition for the homeless, but even then i’m constantly asking myself what’s stopping me from doing more. and i mean, i know what’s stopping me from doing more; needing insurance for preexisting conditions, maintaining the private domesticity i’ve committed to with my husband-to-be, fear of being raped, fear of losing my apartment, etc. almost nothing really seems like a good reason, to the fullest extent of my angry imagination. i can’t help imagining that my friend is dead, and there might have been something i could have done about it. it might be a little bit of an overreaction at the moment, but it’s not completely irrational. i don’t know what to think.

[aion-rsa]

How Tom Hardy’s Venom Finally Made the Character a Superhero

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

For decades, Marvel has been confused about what to do with Venom. While one of their more marketable characters, the company has never been sure what his deal is. Is he a villain, blinded by his own failures and driven mad? Is he a self-described hero, trying to use his status to justify his endless bloodlust? Is he the hulking agent of a corrupt Avengers, existing as a monstrous alien costume controlling a pathetic criminal too desperate for relevance? Is he a handicapped war hero trying to live up to Spider-Man’s example by using the violent symbiote as a weapon against evil? A mafioso? A space knight? A knock off of John Carpenter’s The Thing?

Even with the movies, the two incarnations of Venom are as different as the two Deadpools or the two Banes. While both Topher Grace and Tom Hardy‘s Eddie Brocks are media screw-ups who bond with alien goo that unleash the id, they also represent very different versions of how Venom has existed in the comics. The version from Spider-Man 3 died and that was that, but the one from 2018’s Venom has not only gone on to turn himself into a franchise, but he’s been able to finally settle Marvel’s mind. The movies, including this weekend’s Venom: Let There Be Carnage, have redefined the character.

To understand, you have to go back to the beginning when Venom first started showing up in the late-1980s. Venom was two beings bonded over a shared hatred of Spider-Man. Spider-Man had been spending time wearing a black costume he figured was made of alien technology, only to discover it was a living being that wanted to become one with him. After he removed it, it joined with Eddie Brock, a reporter whose faulty article about a serial killer’s identity was proven wrong by Spider-Man catching the real killer. Rather than realize that he made a mistake, Eddie doubled down and blamed Spider-Man for the way his life crumbled. Together, the symbiote and Eddie became Venom and they wanted to make Spider-Man pay.

But there came a bit of a twist. While Venom was very much dedicated to gruesomely murdering Peter Parker, he was deluded enough to think that this was for the greater good. To him, Spider-Man really was a menace who ruined Eddie Brock’s life. Venom wasn’t spending his off-time robbing banks or trying to take over the world. He wasn’t teaming up with other villains. In his mind, he wasn’t a villain. He was just a good guy pulling off some good old fashioned vigilante justice.

Between Venom’s popularity, his alienation from the rest of the villains, and the fact that he was never going to actually kill Spider-Man, the writing was on the wall. Venom was going to have to actually start fighting crime, even if it was in the Punisher style. A couple What If…? comics from the era played with the idea. There was even a backup story that showed Venom saving a teenager from criminals while preparing for his first fight against Spider-Man.

In 1993, Venom went full-on antihero with the miniseries Venom: Lethal Protector. That started a five-year stretch of Venom comics where the hero went around murdering muggers and getting roped into the occasional superhero team-up, whether it was with Spider-Man, Wolverine, Ghost Rider, or Morbius. As is normal with changes in the comic book status quo, it eventually rubber-banded back to Venom being a full-on villain who wanted nothing more than to kill Spider-Man. It’s always so simple to just go back to the past and treat recent stories as a failed experiment.

Marvel wasn’t sure what to do with Venom for years, but they wanted Venom to be synonymous with villainy. Yet at the same time, they understood the novelty of a heroic Venom, so they tried to have their cake and eat it too. Mac Gargan (formerly the Scorpion) became the new Venom and was treated as genuinely monstrous. In the meantime, Patrick Mulligan was introduced as the new symbiote superhero Toxin. Once he fell into obscurity, Eddie Brock started fighting crime again as Anti-Venom. Then later on, Eddie became host to the Toxin symbiote.

Flash Thompson became Venom for a time, and it was Marvel once again trying to have it both ways. Although the symbiote was evil and overly violent, Flash was able to control it via drugs and willpower. Dealing with the symbiote was treated as a metaphor for recovering from alcoholism. Then when the symbiote took a liking to Flash and became good, it was forced to bond against its will to criminal Lee Price. This culminated in Eddie Brock becoming the symbiote’s host again for the first time in years, and he was again at least trying to do the right thing.

After all this time of playing Hot Potato with alien fashion, we hit the point where Venom was fighting crime again. It was roughly 20 years since his Lethal Protector days, but those days had become a base of nostalgia. Instead of reverting Venom back to how he was in his original handful of stories, writers were starting to remember the antihero stories as the “good old days.”

Now when Spider-Man 3 came out in 2007, it was a little after Eddie Brock got rid of the symbiote in the comics and during the early days of Mac Gargan’s turn. There was nothing modern to latch onto and there was little problem with just going with an early depiction of comics Venom, albeit with some differences. Mainly that Topher Grace’s Eddie was supposed to play like an evil mirror of Peter Parker to the point that he was a photographer instead of a reporter and wasn’t supposed to come off as especially bulky. Bloated as the movie was, this version of Venom didn’t have anything going for him other than being all about revenge, so we have no idea what his next step would have been had he won.

Conversely, the Tom Hardy version of Venom had to be fully formed without Spider-Man’s existence, complete with not only a new origin story but also a new motivation for Brock and the symbiote to stay bonded. That meant going to the Lethal Protector well once more. Both Venom and Venom: Let There Be Carnage are filled with references to that era of Venom. Carlton Drake, the Life Foundation, Riot, Shriek, Eddie having homeless friends, the symbiote hungering for the chemical that’s found in brains and chocolate, and so on. The details of Cletus Kasady’s childhood were taken directly from Venom: Carnage Unleashed.

Even the goofball sense of humor was something Venom had going for him back then, though it was more Eddie than the symbiote (it really didn’t get a “voice” until years later). This was a guy who murdered a room full of goons while singing David Bowie’s “Let’s Dance,” then admitting he forgot most of the lyrics. He once went undercover in a church by cross-dressing as a nun. The dude went on TV and crashed a news broadcast with the Incredible Hulk while doing a Hans and Franz impression!

But more than anything, it went with the idea of Venom being a problematic attempt at being a hero. Eddie is a mess of a man who ruined his own life and needs to be led on the right path. The Venom symbiote is a petulant child that wants to feast on human flesh and unleash havoc, but can be won over to do the right thing and be civilized. While Venom does good overall, it’s also an excuse to do what he wants. Murder and eating people is okay as long as they have it coming. The sequel makes it apparent that such an attitude leads to repercussions and it’s not a sustainable lifestyle for someone who wants to hold onto a normal life.

When Venom made all that money at the box office (over $850 million internationally), it sent a message: Marvel realized that the world wanted Venom as the good guy. He wasn’t there to chase Spider-Man, but to have his own adventure. Be the protagonist. Be the hero. Be over the top about it all.

While Venom’s comic adventures have certainly been weird in the last few years, they have been consistent in making it clear that Eddie Brock and the Venom symbiote are on the side of good. Eddie had a great, cathartic moment where he admitted to the Avengers that he doesn’t know whether to call himself good or bad because once upon a time, he thought killing Spider-Man was the right thing to do. How can he trust his own judgment if he had that going on?

Then he went on to pull this shit.

He’s still not nice enough to let Spider-Man eat his fries, but they’re at least on good enough terms to get lunch together. That’s progress!

The success of Venom: Let There Be Carnage only solidifies Venom in the eyes of the public. Tom Hardy’s CGI space monster is someone we want to cheer for. Let him be redeemed. Let him protect.

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The post How Tom Hardy’s Venom Finally Made the Character a Superhero appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3owJieA

[letsboldlygomotherfuckers]

boyf riends secret santa gift for @the-elven-prince <3

You look like ass Jeremy refuses to admit he's getting sick. Michael takes care of him.

tags: sickfic, cuddling, hurt/comfort, fluff

words: 1258   chapters: 1/1

read on ao3 instead

I hope you like it!! Merry christmas <3 

“You look like ass, dude,” Michael told Jeremy as he took a seat next to him and promptly slouched into Michael’s shoulder, closing his eyes and doing his best to appear dead to the world.

“’M fine,” Jeremy mumbled grouchily.

“Uh huh I can tell, movie night’s off then I take it?”

“What, no! I’m fine!” He said, pushing off Michael’s shoulder to stare at him indignantly. Michael nodded, sticking his bottom lip out.

“Mhmm sure. Dude you’re gonna pass out within the first 20 minutes I guarantee,”

“Shut up man I’m fine,” 

“Fine but we’re doing it at your place so I don’t have to haul your sick ass home at the end of the night,”

“Whatever,” 

“Brooke!” Michael greeted as she joined the table, “Tell Chloe movie night’s at Jer’s tonight instead, he won’t admit he’s coming down with something and I don’t want to have to carry him home at the end,”

Brooke eyed Jeremy, who had slumped against Michael’s shoulder again, warily.

“Sure, but if I get sick I’m blaming him,” “I’m not sick,” Jeremy said, apparently doing his best impression of a petulant three-year-old.

 “Whatever you say, Jer,” Michael said, patting his cheek.

--- 

The four of them met at Michael’s car after school. Jeremy looked considerably better since lunch time but his shoulders were hunched and he was curled in on himself slightly.

“You alright dude?”

“What? Yeah just cold,”

“It’s like seventy-five degrees out how are you cold? Whatever, take my hoodie,” Michael said, pulling it over his head and chucking it at Jeremy. Normally Jeremy would protest at that but he just bundled into it, pulling the hood up and tucking his hands into the sleeves. Which Michael thought was a bit off but chalked it up to Jeremy coming down with a bit of a cold and not wearing a proper sweater today.

He started to get more suspicious thirty minutes into the film when Jeremy was wrapped in a blanket and had burrowed into Michael’s side but he could still feel him shivering.

“Dude how are you so cold it’s warm as hell in here,”

“It’s freezing!” 

Michael glanced over to Brooke and Chloe tangled together on the other sofa to check they weren’t also freezing their asses off and it was just him that felt warm, but they just shrugged at him and went back to cuddling.

“Do you want me to get you a hot water bottle?” Michael asked.

“Please? And would you mind grabbing my duvet too?” Michael almost asked if he was serious before seeing the miserable look on Jeremy’s face.

“Sure, back a sec okay?”

He kissed the top of Jeremy’s head and got up. Jeremy moaned at the loss of his warmth, wrapping himself tighter in the blanket and looking utterly pathetic.

Michael returned a few minutes later, passing Jeremy the hot water bottle and wrapping the duvet around both of them. Jeremy immediately snuggled back into his side so Michael wrapped an arm around him, pulling him closer.

“Are you feeling alright, Jer? You’re still shivering,”

“Yeah, I feel fine mostly I’m just super cold,”

“Weird, maybe we’ll have to think of another way to warm you up,” Michael wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Shut up oh my god,” Jeremy punched his chest weakly.

“Hey, I’m just trying to take care of my poor, suffering boyfriend!” Jeremy blushed lightly and hid his chin in Michael’s shoulder, still not quite used to the label. Michael smiled to himself and turned back to the TV, lightly knocking his head against Jeremy’s affectionately.

 ---

By the end of the movie Jeremy was still shivering, teeth practically chattering. Michael was starting to get worried. Jeremy was usually cold, he was so skinny and never wore a proper coat but this was getting to be ridiculous.

“How’re you feeling, Jer?”

“Hmmf, cold. Head hurts,” Jeremy said into Michael’s chest.

“Right that’s it, we’re getting you to bed c’mon,” 

He stood up, pulling the blankets off Jeremy and bundling them up. He turned back around just in time to see Jeremy get groggily to his feet and sway for a second before his knees gave out underneath him. Thankfully they were stood close enough that Michael had time to catch him.

 “Shit. Jer? You alright buddy?”

 “Mmf ‘m fine,” Jeremy slurred, clinging onto a fistful of Michael’s shirt weakly and using it to attempt to catch his balance.

“Uh huh and is that why you just blacked out?”

“Didn’t black out, jus’ a head rush. ‘M just dizzy,”

“You’re right, you look totally healthy to me,” Michael said dryly, setting him back down gently on the sofa and kneeling in front of him. Jeremy squinted up through his eyelashes at him in a pitiful attempt at a glare and Michael couldn’t stop himself from sniggering.

Brooke appeared at his side then holding a glass of water. Actual angel Brooke, whom Michael had forgotten was even there.

“Try and take a couple of sips of this,” She said, handing him the glass. His hands shook so bad when he raised it to his lips Michael thought he might spill it so he covered Jeremy’s hands with his own, stabilizing them.

“Thanks,” Jeremy said gratefully, giving the glass back to Brooke when he was done.

“No problem,” She said, resting the back of her hand on his forehead, “Shit, he’s really burning up,”

She removed her hands and Michael replaced them with his to check for himself. He definitely had a fever. Jeremy leaned into his coolness of his hands, eyelids fluttering shut.

 “Buddy, I think you’re coming down with the flu. Right, attempt two, c’mon,” Michael said, offering his hands to Jeremy who took them and got shakily to his feet. Michael slung Jeremy’s arm over his shoulder and wrapped a hand round his waist despite his weak protests that he was alright now.

 It took them several minutes to climb the stairs to Jeremy’s room, his feet were dragging and by the time they made it he looked even more exhausted. Chloe had trailed up after them carrying Jeremy’s blankets and fussed over tucking him in while Brooke fetched some Tylenol from the bathroom cabinet.

Once Jeremy was properly settled in bed and dosed up Chloe wrapped her arms around Brooke’s waist and rested her chin on her shoulder. They really did make the most adorable couple.  

“We should probably get going, leave you to look after your diseased boyfriend in peace,”

“Yeah, sure. Thanks for helping, sorry we kinda ruined movie night,” Michael said sheepishly. Brooke sniggered.

“It’s not your fault Jeremy got the flu,” She said, “of course he was too stubborn to admit he was getting sick.” She snaked out of Chloe’s grip and took her hand instead, “Bye Jeremy, feel better soon!”

“Get better!” Chloe chorused. 

“Michal?” Came Jeremy’s voice weakly from under the pile of blankets once they were alone.

“Don’t go,”

Michael’s heart melted. Jeremy looked awful, sweaty curls sticking to his forehead and huge circles under his eyes, looking hazily up at him. He was so in love with this kid it felt like his chest may cave in.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” He said softly, sliding into the bed and carefully scooping Jeremy into his arms, still bundled in the oversized red hoodie.

“How’re you feeling?”

“Everything aches,”

“Yeah flu’ll do that to you,”

“Stay?”

“Always,” He murmured into Jeremy’s hair, pressing a soft kiss into the curls. Jeremy sighed contently and burrowed further into his chest. 

“Go to sleep, ‘Miah.”

[swampgallows]

if you don't like porter im sorry i didn't know i just thought his new songs might be something you might like im sorry

oh no you dont have to apologize i just thought it was really funny! my friends and i were talking about his new stuff while we were abroad. i had never even heard of him until the topic came up. apparently he’s trying a new kind of happy hardcore thing? but it sounds like really j-core-ish, or sort of s3rl like i guess. we listened to a little bit of it from a friend’s phone while hanging outside a record shop. personally it’s not my thing but i appreciate what he’s doing, and the production sounds professional, etc. but i haven’t liked any of the hardcore coming out—happy OR hard—since like 2005. part of me thought it was my nostalgia goggles, but apparently this is actually a HUGE deal in the scene right now.

hardcore has, since its inception, always been cannibalizing other genres. that’s almost the point of it: it’s this thing, but HARD. techno, but HARD. house, but HARD. jungle, or breakbeat, or bubblegum, but faster, harder, more relentless. even happy hardcore, for all its goony-ness and childish themes, is still pretty chaotic and manic. but hardcore within the last 10 years has struggled with any kind of evolution or identity, relying on production gimmicks and “drops” and genre fusions to give the track any sort of character. “Oh, it’s this track you know and love, but it has a dubstep breakdown!” Uhh, great? “Check out these cuh-raaazy exclusive VSTs that only THESE producers own!” Cool, I guess. “What if we added trap elements?” But why? And, again, these things were present in the beginning, but every hardcore track with a hoover or a 303 didn’t rely on it as its core element or signature. 

Even bookings are becoming dried up and stale in terms of talent because of the fear of branching out or even going back to old styles. We joke about Gammer and Darren Styles being tacked on to any sort of “hardcore” event and the rest being filled with hardstyle just so they can simultaneously make money as well as say they’re booking hardcore (EDC, for instance, bragged they would “book hardcore again” and put Darren Styles on the lineup. And then Gammer followed the next year). [HILARIOUSLY PROVING MY POINT, THESE ARE THE TWO ATTRIBUTED TO A REMIX OF PORTIS ROBINSON’S TRACK “SAD MACHINE” LMAAOOO] And people will go and see Gammer and Darren Styles again because they don’t know where else to look, they don’t know that other hardcore DJs or styles even exist, or their possible avenues are being withheld from them by promoters failing to book anyone else. I have a LOT of friends who are EXTREMELY talented DJs and have made names for themselves worldwide. They are not “up-and-coming”; they are well-known, well-liked, well-equipped, yet being held back. 

This is a problem even across the pond: our Thunderdome souvenir booklet (containing interviews, flyers, ads and coupons, etc.) had a discussion about the “future of hardcore” with MC Da Mouth of Madness. Here were his three “answers”.

1. We need an attitude change. The old dogs should be more open to new sounds and influences. Established artists should invite young guys into their studio to help them build on that basic knowledge: how to increase the purity and quality of sound, how to use kicks as efficient as possible, such things. It helps them to further develop their skills.

So, again, a focus on high-quality production, which is important to producers and mp3 sales, but not necessarily to actual track production. With some of the most immortal hardcore tracks being written on the most primitive equipment and recorded on reel-to-reels, it is unfair and somewhat misguided to say that a lack of high-fidelity production is what’s stagnating hardcore. “New sounds and influences”, in my opinion, also seems like a dogwhistle for “genre gimmicks”, that the “old dogs” who prefer older sounds are stuck in the past and resistant to “progress”. Every track being rolled out has trap this, dubstep that, the same overused line of relentless, monotonous Angerfist kickdrums. But if these didn’t sell, they wouldn’t be made. And when you hear such clean production on a huge sound system, yeah, it can get you moving, but it’s not necessarily moving forward.

2. For the young producers: you have to raise that bar yourself and never go for bad sounding quality. If you’re not that good in mastering and mixing: get somebody to do it for you while you watch and learn.

Again, just so we’re all on the same page, actual music production is explicitly what is being discussed here. Not the creativity or spirit or content of the track but what’s “under the hood”, so to speak: whether or not it can be sold as 320kbps and/or FLAC, ideal to be played on expensive stadium sound systems. Sure nobody wants to listen to a garbled mess that sounds like it was made on a YakBak [DATING MYSELF IM DATING MYSELF], but insisting producers to have a full studio, or at least full studio quality, in all of their tracks from the get-go is incredibly stunting to the industry and blossoming creativity. And I don’t know how it is overseas, but the lo-fi/DIY aesthetic is back with a vengeance in the USA across many different scenes. DJs I know are even selling cassette tapes again. Yes, SELLING, for MONEY, and turning profit even on vinyl test presses they’re in such high demand. So maybe it’s less about the quality of the sounds and more about what sounds are being put out there.

3. Stay on top of your game. Organizations should be open to new developments and adjust to that. The new generation needs a chance to grow, give them this space!

A nice sentiment that is directly contradicted by the two previous statements. Organizations are going to book what sells, and what sells is high-fidelity, foolproof-formula tracks: sounds great on a huge sound system, captures the right amount of attention span, and is familiar enough that the audience doesn’t revolt when the DJ plays something out of bounds or that they don’t recognize. It’s one thing to violate contract by not playing what you were hired to play, but it’s another to spoonfeed your fans the same 20 tunes they’ve heard over and over again because they get petulant if they can’t follow a formula. Every set has its own purpose but there is a reason the DJ is the “selecta”. Tease new tunes, new styles, new ideas. Don’t just press play and crossfade.

But this is, as seen by the second point, something enforced by the old heads themselves: if it isn’t professionally-mastered, they don’t want to hear it. The learning curve is steep for electronic music, but there are demo tapes for a reason. It’s like turning down a turntablist because he has pops in his records; by narrowing the range of what media is permitted, it follows that the range of music created will also become narrow. People are producing with Amiga and hacked GameBoys. As I said before, DJs I know are releasing lathe-cut vinyl bootlegs, dubplates, acetate records, and cassette tapes. People are still producing full tracks with MTV Music Creator / Music 2000 for the ORIGINAL PLAYSTATION, now, in 2017. You can’t have it all. 

When your only permitted outlets are a handful of industry-standard programs (Cubase, Ableton, etc.) you end up with this “arms race” of who has the coolest new VST as artists search for identity and signature within these parameters. So, as a fan, it gets tiring to hear DJs crow about how it sounds “so clean”, “oohh the production”, dude i don’t CARE, can I DANCE to it? Does it go hard? Nobody cares about your special blend of herbs and spices if the chicken is still raw. And by producers having to focus on the fidelity of their tracks—what should be the finishing touches and final stages of production—as their foundation and benchmark, it directly stifles creativity, workarounds being made in spite of it instead of being enhanced by it. 

So, that’s the long answer, I guess. I haven’t heard any hardcore that’s turned my head in a long time. It’s cool that someone outside the genre is visiting it, hopefully so they can infuse it with some perspectives or risks currently being barred from the genre. But what I heard just sounds like more of the same.