#tag twaddle

[mysterypigeon]

yeah i haven't finished the assignment. sorry. no, i know. the crane wives told me time wasn't running out. yeah. they said there was still time and it wasn't too late. okay. well dr. doll i am one deep breath away from a breakdown

[luftyloop]

Since this is the second time Pearl has talked about this on stream maybe a post explaining the tags is due.

Obviously I’m not gonna act like the fandom police, you tag how you want to tag, this is just for the people who are confused or new.

First of all: #shinyduo is the platonic tag, #gempearl is the shipping tag! (In most cases [blank]duo is for friendship while the blending of the names is shipping)

If you’re posting something and feel like it could be taken both ways, try to think how cc!Pearl or cc!Gem would feel if they saw it. Do you think they would be uncomfortable? Tag it with gempearl to be safe then, otherwise the shinyduo tag is enough. Besides those there’s the #hemitshipping tag for Hermitcraft and #trafficshipping for the life series (and I think #empiresshipping for empires?) USE THEM PLEASE

If you are posting something explicitly shippy maybe it’s better to not use the main tags (#pearlescentmoon, #geminitay, etc.)

I have seen fanart of the characters hugging tagged as shipping AND shipping fanart with the main tags like guys… cmon…how are we hitting both ends of the spectrum here.

Again these are not RULES just suggestions to better everyone’s tumblr experience :)

[godofdumpsterfalling]

Headcanon Dump - Hermes & Apollo ft. Dionysus (Riordanverse)

Because I have a mountain of these and if I don’t organize them they will be completely incoherent. Under a cut for length.

- Apollo basically raised Hermes, for all the value of “raised” when concerning gods.

- Maia did not want to be a mother, and had no idea how to. She tried, and did care about Hermes, but was secretly relieved when Hermes took to following Apollo everywhere. Zeus was really perfecting his parenting style of the day, which was caring about his kids from a distance (he had other priorities, they were not really near the top) and occasionally popping in to give some Fatherly Advice or have bonding moment (omg taking his kids fishing…deadbeat dad core for REAL) before fucking off again like “parental control duties DONE I am SUCH a good dad. See you again in like 50 years, sport!” It was particularly bad when Hermes was born.

- Hermes followed Apollo around for a solid couple hundred years, acting as his shadow pretty much. It drove Athena and Artemis CRAZY. Apollo’s extroverted ass was completely baffled by people being off put by his baby brother basically being attached to his back. He’s not gonna bother you he’s just gonna hang out?? What’s the problem??

- Hermes stayed in a younger form for a looong time because he knew Apollo would never say no to him if he looked cute enough. Until he got hit with the depression beam, he kept whipping that form out whenever he got in trouble. He’s baby, your honor, you can’t be mad at a BABY

- Hermes held Dionysus for 2 seconds before he decided he was willing to die for this little guy. The couple hours after he was born were spent by Hermes holding him up to random family members and going “LOOK AT HIM HES SO SMALL” and the family members going “Hermes please do your job”

- When Dionysus joined Olympus, Hermes eagerly took him under his wing in a similar manner to Apollo taking on Hermes. Not as much weird parental responsibility though. But he was still following Apollo everywhere so Apollo got TWO mischievous shadows. Much to Artmemis’ dismay. Why are there TWO OF THEM

- All they ever had to do was duck behind Apollo and he’d defend them against whoever they’d pissed off now even when they were 100% in the wrong. Especially when they were 100% in the wrong, honestly.

- Zeus and Hermes’ relationship has a lot of layers (a post for another time) but the bare bones basics is that early on Zeus just thought he was a Clown (that’s my funny boy <3) and nowadays he’s Zeus’ under appreciated, overworked personal assistant. Although he’s kind of been Zeus’ lapdog since the beginning. Father Please Notice Me I am not as shiny as Apollo but I can roll over so nice pls pls pls

- Hermes has not had a nap in the past century somebody please help him. Give your local delivery man a nice tip because he has like 20 other domains and would rather be doing Literally Anything Else. And also a hug maybe, the most contact he ever gets is when he brushes hands with whoever he’s giving a package. Somebody get this man a paid vacation he has been holding Olympus together with duct tape

- Hermes has the worst case of Middle Child Syndrome Known To Man

- Hermes and Artemis like each other! Shockingly. For reasons unrelated to Apollo, even. They just like to hang out. Hermes is one of the two Olympians she’s happy to be around <3

- Apollo has tried, with varying success, to get Hermes and Athena to be friends. The results have been… mixed.

- Athena, Apollo and Hermes will occasionally have absolutely legendary verbal smackdowns. So brutal that it would actually evaporate a mortal on the spot. Indescribable, really. Anyone who overhears them will never mentally recover,

[dappy-dappernette]

Bro I got excited cause I thought I saw some super cute Nyo Italy x Germany but it was just normal Italy dressed as Nyo Italy.

I'm gonna 🦐 myself

[spiderdramaqueen]

hozier’s songs are so. treebark coded tbh.

[acedormouse]

Aah thank you thank you for tagging <333

Gonna taaaaaag @teagrammy @the-phoenix-heart @spooky-pointy-ears @needcake

Picrew chain! Make yourself with this picrew and the most recent meme on your phone

Tags: @dracosleftarsecheek @yourlocalbadgerscales @forensic-b1tch-aiden @names-confuse-me @agathokakolog1cal @yourlocalxiaosimp and open tags! <33 have fun

[honeybeebuddy]

OMG HI new mutual!

Your portraits of the hermits are so good, you gave them such magnificent jawlines, it really fits the portrait look as though you were in the room with them and captured them from their best side. Also such vibrant and tasty colours!

Looking forward to the rest of the portraits, and I suppose you can look forward to all the twaddle in a post's tags from my end XD Wondering which hermits you are following or doodling rn?

you know when a message has been on delivered for so long that its awkward to reply to? this ask feels like that. but i shall persevere!

i really appreciate that you notice the "in a room" vibe, because i always try to use candid or casual photos as references, and avoid using stock photos or models because they tend to feel lifeless

As far as colours go, i used to really struggle with making really desaturated art, but i think i've managed to correct it :)

i think i've got a decent chunk of the hermit portraits done, and i’m looking to do welsknight or iskall next :3

sorry for taking so long to answer :'D

[lillaluna]

just game ch.1

Pairing: Scaramouche x Xiao x f!Reader

Tags: nsfw (mdni!) unspecified relationship, modern au, threesome, blowjob

After a hard and busy day at university, for you and your friends a quick game of something distracting and relaxing online was something ordinary, but coincidentally the "quick game" that evening lasted for several hours.

The three of you lived in the same building of the student dormitory, but it was much more convenient to play together online. Tonight was filled with endless rounds of poker.

"Can you hurry up?" Snorted Skara tilting her head back, waiting for Xiao's move.

"You know what, unlike you, I actually analyse my cards and try to play including my brain," Xiao replies rolling her eyes and then smirks when she hears you chuckle. "All I'm saying is that I didn't win last round for nothing, and before that."

"Beginner's luck," you say, arching your eyebrows at the bridge of your nose in a sign of doubt at his skill than earns you a smile from Skara.

The game continued and the three of you bantered and laughed at each other as usual, making Scaramouche's next words a little dubious.

"Xiao. I swear to you, if you win this round too, I'll go to bed now and block you."

"I bet you just want to jerk off, don't you?"

"Of course, what else would I be thinking about but jerking off," Scaramouche jokes in a mocking tone, making you burst out laughing.

"You're thinking about her more than you're thinking about what's for dinner."

"So that's our bet for tonight?" you ask, not waiting for the guys to continue arguing.

"Does the loser have to jerk off in public?" asks Xiao, and the light of the monitor screen reflects in his eyes in the dark room as he waits for an answer.

"I agree." You shrug and hear Skara sigh slightly before agreeing with the two of you.

"You're just fucking nuts."

Suddenly there was a lot more depending on the poker game than some fake money. Ironically, Skara is on a losing streak, and he loudly curses every horrible hand that follows his incredible attempts at bluffing.

"We're all going to enjoy this spectacle," Xiao slyly chants as a new giveaway occurs.

Now there was only one choice of who would win, and the options were that it was either you or Xiao, however each of you were glad that at least you had spared yourself the embarrassment of losing and fulfilling such an embarrassing condition.

You decided to go va-ban, just confident that with your straight flush there was no way you could lose. And so you did, until…

…until you saw Scaramouche's cards. Royal fucking flush.

"Shit," you exhale. Game over for you.

"Uh-oh… Someone's not very happy, is he?"

"Shut the hell up…" you say, defeated one step before you win.

Xiao's in first place, Skara's in second, and you… you had to honour the terms of the bet. Terms that you yourself suggested. Is it safe to assume that the trap has been sprung?

"You don't really have to do that, you know, you can just poof," Skara says with a smirk. It stretches so caustically across his face when you show him the middle finger.

"Fuck you guys," you shudder nervously at the thought of having to do something like that.

"Seriously, you don't have to…" says Xiao, each of his words getting softer and softer as you snort and correct the camera, pointing it at your lower body. The guys gaze slides down your legs and stops on your thighs that were only covered by a long t-shirt.

Yes, at that moment, any other normal person would have backed off. But a clear realisation immediately ran through your head that if you didn't fulfil your own condition, for months you'd be haunted by the guys' taunts, which would definitely contain the words 'baller' or 'twaddle'. The second thought was to watch their reaction. You could bet again that these two just wouldn't put up with such blatant behaviour on your part.

Your gaze moves from one guy to the other. Each of them seems to be holding their breath, waiting for your decision. You exhale noisily and remove your hand from the mouse you were still clutching. Scaramouche swallows, and Xiao watches your every action with a darkened look.

Is this arousal?

A blush rushes to your cheeks as you think about having to bring yourself to orgasm in front of your friends, but…. But it's a small "but." You feel a rush of heat in your lower abdomen and somewhere deep in your subconscious you realise that the thought turns you on.

All that's left is to take a couple of steps to jump into that abyss. You run your hands along the inside of your thighs. Your fingers slowly glide over the soft surface of your skin, reaching the edges of the long t-shirt that covered your panties.

"You really don't have to…" Skara's voice got lower, and you could clearly sense the anticipation creeping in. Whatever he was saying, one of his hands was no longer in the frame, and Xiao's camera switched off altogether.

The air in your room suddenly became so thick, tension hovered in the air, it seemed like you could touch it with your hand. You were still fighting with yourself, but the vulgar thoughts were assertively pushing all reasonable arguments out of your head.

You lift the edges of your T-shirt, exposing your spread legs to your friends. Your pussy remains covered only by the thin black lace. You hear Xiao sigh sharply, and then exhale slowly, a low croak escaping his lips and a slight smile touching your lips. You shift your gaze to Scaramouche, and unlike Xiao, he seems to have stopped breathing altogether, keeping his eyes on you. That gives you another wave of warmth, and a wave of goosebumps rushes through your body. You don't even realise why the perverse thought of masturbating yourself in front of your old friends makes you vibrate with anticipation. Slowly you pull your panties aside, revealing your vagina.

It must have been that crucial moment when the jokes were somewhere behind you. Scaramouche leans back in his chair noisily exhaling, you can notice his hand under the table and how he makes a few rubbing motions. Xiao's camera switches back on and you see his heavy languid gaze, one of his legs is thrown over the table, hiding what he started to do with his hand, but you knew.

It seems now, the three of you are starting a new game.

"I… I won't let you win again, you know that…", you manage to squeeze out as your hand slides down your vagina collecting moisture, a deep sigh leaving your body. You start rubbing your clit in circular motions before introducing two fingers inside you.

"Shit…" Xiao's whisper barely reaches your ears as his palm covers the lower half of your face.

"What a bunch of sluts…" you say, and a groan escapes your lips as the sounds of your wet satisfaction get louder and louder. Your breathing hitches and you cover your eyes, no longer caring what the two guys watching you think. You've already crossed the line of embarrassment and now you wanted only one thing, to bring yourself to orgasm.

Your free hand slides under your t-shirt to your chest, and with slender fingers you squeeze your hardened nipple, causing you to moan once more. Somewhere beyond your arousal, you hear Xiao and Scaramouche's breathing grow deeper, one of them wheezing languidly. The sounds of them jerking their cocks at the sight of you and your arousal completely overwhelms you.

You are brought out of your trance by the suspicious silence in the room. When you open your eyes you see that the windows where their names and faces should have been have gone black. You blink and frown. On one hand it's what you originally thought, they just haven't crossed the fact that you decided to fulfil the terms of the bet after all. But on the other hand…

What the hell? They left you with guilt and a really fucking huge, desperate desire to cum.

A few minutes had passed when you heard a furious knock on the door, which was immediately repeated almost startling you.

"…It's us." You heard Xiao's voice from behind the door.

You froze, the familiar voices making you even more nervous. You smoothed out the creases in your T-shirt that didn't exist and shuffled towards the door. When you open the door, you try to make your face look as casual as possible, but a blush of embarrassment and excitement floods your cheeks.

Xiao and Skara are leaning against the doorjamb on either side of the door, their eyes downcast, both of them avoiding your gaze.

"Is something wrong?" you ask deliberately cheerfully, but Xiao just walks slowly into your room past you without asking or permission.

"What do you think?" answers Skara to your question, his hand finding your waist as he pushes you aside to close the door behind you, then presses you against it afterwards.

"Tell us what that was…" says Xiao standing on the other side of Scaramouche and completely blocking your escape routes. You swallow the lump in your throat, Xiao's face so close to yours that you can feel the warm air he exhales. Your eyelashes flutter, and the warmth you thought had already receded in your stomach begins to spill anew.

You feel Scaramouche's warm hand on your neck, and he runs a finger up your skin, and then outlines your chin.

"I…I…" you try to mumble, while Xiao lifts the edge of your t-shirt and strokes your thigh, tracing the edge of your panties below your navel. You feel your thighs involuntarily clench, which brings a smirk to the guy's handsome face.

Scaramouche turns your face to his and without preamble greedily presses his lips to yours, and for a second you stare dazedly into his eyes, but Xiao's hand diving into your panties makes you roll your eyes and moan in muffled pleasure.

The persuasion of the kisses at the door intoxicates you, and now you're already naked and so docile, standing on the bed in this vulgar pose. Skara is holding your hips from behind and Xiao is positioned - next to your head. They already knew how they were going to fuck you, Skara, imagining it as he watched you pleasure yourself. And now you were on all fours with your arse up in front of him so he could get a good look at his cock plunging into your tight little vagina.

Your hands gripped the sheets tighter, your knuckles turning white as Scaramouche slowly began to push his cock inside you. The guy groaned, slapping his palm against your arse before sliding his hand down to rub your clit in a circular motion.

"You like it like that? It looked so fucking sexy when you did it for us online. I got so turned on…" He wheezed, feeling your pussy clench around him at those words.

"I'm actually here too, you know," Xiao says, and his thumb plays with your bottom lip before he opens your mouth. The tip of his cock penetrates as your muffled mooing from Skara entering you vibrates along his length, making him moan and tilt his head back. "Damn…you suck so good…."

"Don't make me tell you about this tight cunt…" moaned Skara, one hand gripping your thigh and the other burrowing into your hair as he fucked you so deep and hard.

"I'm going to fuck you next" exhaled Xiao heavily. His eyebrows furrowed and he bit his lower lip as he looked down to see your mouth encircling his cock.

The wet sounds of your vagina and the ringing slaps of Scaramouche's hips, accompanied by the slurping sounds of your mouth around Xiao's cock, create the sinful sounds of a lewd symphony that makes you start to lose yourself beyond pleasure.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck…" Skara moans, seconds away from staining your pussy white. You nod hastily making mooing noises, needing to feel his cum inside you. With one final thrust, Skara pressed your hips against his, spewing his seed into you, and you moaned contentedly covering your eyes and taking Xiao's cock deeper into your mouth, this prompting the guy to fill it with the sticky thick substance.

Maybe losing wasn't so bad after all?

[teabooksandsweets]

@monstrousgourmandizingcats tagged me!

T – There is a Flower

E – English Folk Song Suite (Vaughan Williams)

A – At the Ceili

B – Bonny Portmore

O – O Waly Waly

O – O Come All Ye Faithfull

K – (The) Keel Row

S – Sebastian against the World

A – Autumn Reverie

N – Newry Boat Song

D – Down By The Salley Gardens

S – Swing Low, Sweet Chariot

W – Wild Mountain Thyme

E – Early One Morning

E – Eleanor Plunckett

T – Tochter Zion

S – Snow on the Roses

I tag: @shy-and-reserved @sublimegentlemanalpaca @saxifrage-wreath @absolute-twaddle @fictionadventurer @serenastella @isfjmel-phleg @imissthembutitwasntadisaster @lady-merian @imaginariumgeographica @lint-roll @fivebroken @darkhorse-javert @tapferhills @dandelionsandderivatives @lover-of-the-starkindler @magpie-trove

[the-pantry-of-art]

Blogs, resent events, goals & stuff:

Boar I 17 [ 2007 ]

I don't particularly care about dramas or things like that in any fandom I'm in. I'm only here to have a good time <3

Currently reading:

Winter Turning (wof)

Main blog on the phone (It's mostly my twaddle blog where I reblog stuff but some of my; mostly traditional; art can be found here as well) : @frogkingtheorginal

A sad thing happend lads, I've lost access to my main design blog: @frogcat7 , and my side Survivors-dogs-centered blog: @the-fierce-dog

I will still try to fix the problem and get my blogs back, but for now I'll dump all my designs here as my new main art blog. I won't devide into diffrent blogs this time (at least not till I'l be sure I can't get my blogs back).

Really You can do like whatever with my art, like everything, I don't care, I would actually enjoy seeing people get inspierd by my work, just credit it if You do. Thou I won't execute it, I'l just leave it up to your morality.

I won't reblog all of my art from the previus blogs here, only the most essential of them, so series I'm planing to continue in the nerest future: Warrior cats from my new poll of designs (where I gotta catch 'em all? XD), Survivor Dogs character designs #1 (Graceful), & an portrait of OS ( Yeah I will continue what I started; I won't leave you guys in the lurch with this, @myzetauniverse, @homovulcanensis u where so nice to me my heart melted. So, he for sure will get even more company then just Winnetou ;)

______________________________________________________________

Inside blog stuff, tags & AU!

(it's mostly the same thing I started here: @frogcatwcbiologyrewrite but I hope that this time I'd menage to do more ;)

If u have notised that my cats are a bit off or uncanon it's 'couse I have created a AU. It's called:

'I took cats from UK to US and called it a day'AU!

(very creative title I know, maby I chane it later)

So, well as the name suggests one of the main things I have cheanged in this rewrite is the fact that unlike in canon my cats does not live in the UK but roughly in southern Oregon and northern California. ( the flora and fauna info I take from the internet) the territories may be inconsistent with where i set them buuut I just really wanna them to have all thouse wild west plants, animals and the advantages of this countrys wastnes. In my opinion it would really add to the story a lot and make it better :D (at least for me)

Other main changes I made (I will add them here as I come up with new ones):

The Tribe of the Rushing Water now have FIRE! (and thanks to this ability to make some basic tools)

I have the full lore of how they get the fire as well as varius cultural aspects already created, I will post them somday propably, just need sometime to polish it and to draw it (+ more self esteem to post it XD) ps. I'm a fan of the Tribe :D

[iamthepulta]

Tagged by @sea-salted-wolverine. Thanks! This was fun!

Last song I listened to:

Eastward of Eden, by Amelia Day

Favorite color:

Deep green or teal blue. I really love teal.

Currently watching:

I'm so bad at watching shows. ^^" I guess when I watch with E, we're watching Mashle (anime) and Reddit Stories from Smosh, which isn't really a series but E and I have ended up treating it like one.

I'd love to watch Dungeon Meshi, this chemistry/poisoning anime, and more game lets plays but I'm horrible at watching media now. It makes me sad.

Spicy/savory/sweet:

Savory! Sweet is great, but my body has a strict limit.

Relationship status:

Am have boyfriend, name: E. He's really sweet. I love him. ♥

Current obsession:

Lizzie Twaddle (from my Liztlie AU fic) in a parka

Gen Zed in the mining industry. I have so many opinions lol, especially after this weekend. Fascinating topic that possibly requires two independent research teams, three control groups, and several mining engineers to dissect. I wish I knew what more of them thought of The State of The Industry. I feel like at some point I'm going to get an insta to be "slightly mainstream" to satisfy my never-ending curiosity and 'maintain a soapbox'. I don't want to, but I want to know them.

Ea-Nasir 👍

For this I will tag: @justanormalseagull, @harvestar, @oleworm, @olive-drab-punk and anyone else who sees this and thinks it'd be fun!

(I was braindead last night. Adding @thestudyofbasements :P)

[godofdumpsterfalling]

Regularly having both DC and TOA on the dash is a constant struggle of “Who Is This Post About”. (major spoilers for TOA I guess)

I get like halfway through an essay about Jason & parenthood & personhood and then get jumpscared by Bruce Wayne. And suddenly the weird discrepancies in characterization make much more sense 👍 “Jason should kill his dad” okay well while I understand the sentiment I think that’s actually the worst possible route for his character to go down in the main canon and ignores their storied history- oooh you mean Jason Grace. I see. Unfortunately I disagree with that also but like I get it.

I get a constant stream of “Jason’s death was (insert opinion)-“ and I’m never right on which one it is </3

[dappy-dappernette]

ppl will draw ludwig so fine and then 95% of their art is just g-rita

[pesterloglog]

Karkat Vantas, Kanaya Maryam

Act 6, page 7636-7642

KARKAT: SO YOU ACTUALLY UNDERSTOOD WHAT SHE WAS SAYING WITH THAT EARSPLITTING MALARKEY?

KANAYA: Yes

KARKAT: WOW.

KARKAT: I GUESS WE REALLY DID SEND THE RIGHT PERSON THEN.

KARKAT: PLUS ONE USELESS TAG-ALONG, I GUESS TO BEAR WITNESS OR SOMETHING?

KARKAT: AND PROBABLY RECORD THE LEGENDARY CONVERSATION LIKE A SCRIBE, WITH HIS BENCHWARMER'S PEN INTO THE HALLOWED SCROLL OF THE SECOND BANANA.

KANAYA: What

KARKAT: EXCEPT I DIDN'T BRING MY PEN OR SCROLL, AND I DON'T SPEAK MONSTER SCREAMING.

KARKAT: SO MY TRANSCRIPT WOULD READ LIKE...

KARKAT: "MORE SHRILL NOISES, LIKE GOD PLAYING THE EDGE OF A GLASS INSIDE YOUR THINK PAN"

KARKAT: "MARYAM CONTINUES TO NOD ALONG"

KANAYA: We Talked About You

KARKAT: WHAT???

KARKAT: YOU DID

KARKAT: WHAT DID SHE SAY?

KANAYA: It Was A Short Conversation

KANAYA: The Entire Exchange Was Quite Brief And Straightforward Actually

KARKAT: NO, I KINDA GOT THAT.

KARKAT: EVEN THOUGH I DON'T HAVE A KEEN EAR FOR BEAST TWADDLE, I CAN STILL DETECT WHEN A CONVERSATION DOESN'T LAST FOR MUCH TIME.

KARKAT: I MEAN, DID SHE SAY WHAT SHE WANTED WITH ME?

KARKAT: OR WHAT SHE WANTS ME TO DO??

KANAYA: You Dont Have To Do Anything

KANAYA: And She Didnt Want Anything With You In Particular

KANAYA: She Just Wanted You Here

KARKAT: OK???

KARKAT: WELL, HERE I AM, QUEEN SNAKE!!!

KARKAT: SATISFIED?!

KANAYA: Yes

KANAYA: She Is Apparently

KARKAT: THEN WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT WHEN MY NAME CAME UP!

KANAYA: Now Is Probably Not The Right Time To Get Too Deep Into The Subject

KANAYA: But It Was Nothing Bad

KANAYA: To The Contrary Really

KARKAT: OK...

KARKAT: THEN WHAT ABOUT YOU?

KARKAT: WHY DID SHE WANT TO SEE YOU, KANAYA... CAN YOU AT LEAST TELL ME *SOMETHING* ABOUT THIS MADDENING EXCHANGE?

KANAYA: The Bottom Line Is The Meeting Has Served Its Purpose And Echidna Is Satisfied

KANAYA: She Will Release The Frog When The Time Comes

KANAYA: I Think Vriska Was Basically Right

KANAYA: She Wanted To Get A Look At Us

KANAYA: To Assess Our Worthiness

KANAYA: Before She Would Agree To Authorize The Conception Of Another Universe

KANAYA: It Would Seem That We Measured Up

KANAYA: Once Her Questions Were Answered

KARKAT: WHAT QUESTIONS?

KANAYA: Those Pertaining To How Her Universe Would Be Treated Once Occupied

KANAYA: And Whether We Intended To Take That Responsibility Seriously

KANAYA: By Following Through With The Duties We Have Fundamentally Tasked Ourselves With By Our Natural Inclinations

KANAYA: I Mean Us Specifically

KANAYA: You And I

KARKAT: DUTIES?

KARKAT: NATURAL INCLINATIONS?

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE TALKING ABOUT.

KANAYA: Natural Inclinations I Think Just Means

KANAYA: Some Idea That Is Important To Us That Has Threaded Its Way Through Every Moment And Decision Of Our Lives

KANAYA: Even When Not Apparent

KANAYA: The Refrain Of Our Being Maybe You Could Call It

KANAYA: A Thing That Attracts And Inspires Us And Simultaneously Weighs On Us So Heavily We Are Never Sure What To Do

KANAYA: For Me It Is Procreation I Believe

KANAYA: And So Does She

KANAYA: Fighting For The Persistence Of Our People

KANAYA: I Guess You Could Say

KANAYA: Motherhood?

KARKAT: WHAT ABOUT ME THEN?

KANAYA: I Think

KANAYA: That Is For You To Say

KARKAT: I'M NOT SURE IT IS, REALLY.

KARKAT: IF I'M HEARING YOU RIGHT, WORTHINESS OF INHERITING THIS UNIVERSE HINGES ON WHETHER I CAN LIVE UP TO WHAT MY SHIT IS ABOUT, SO TO SPEAK.

KARKAT: BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT MY SHIT IS ABOUT.

KARKAT: I'D REALLY LIKE TO KNOW, ACTUALLY!

KARKAT: CONSIDERING IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU TOUCHED ON THAT SUBJECT WITH HER, EVEN IF ONLY BRIEFLY, THEN IT SOUNDS LIKE A CONVERSATION I WOULD HAVE BENEFITED FROM UNDERSTANDING.

KARKAT: REALLY, IF THERE WAS ONLY *ONE* CLANGOROUS CREATURE-SCREED I'D LIKED TO HAVE BEEN ABLE TO PARSE OVER MY LIFETIME, THIS WAS PROBABLY IT!!!

KANAYA: So

KANAYA: You Really Dont Have Even The Slightest Sense Of What You Stand For

KANAYA: Some Concept That Speaks To You In Some Way

KANAYA: Or Represents Ideals Important To You

KARKAT: I DUNNO

KARKAT: UHH

KARKAT: BLOOD?

KANAYA: Blood

KARKAT: NO, NOT BLOOD.

KARKAT: I MEAN, NOT REALLY. MAYBE.

KARKAT: HONESTLY I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS OR WHY I SAID IT.

KARKAT: EXCEPT THAT IT'S THE EASY ANSWER, JUST BECAUSE IT'S MY FUCKING ASPECT.

KANAYA: Well

KANAYA: Its A Topic I Can Get Behind

KANAYA: Do You Have Any

KARKAT: WHAT

KARKAT: YOU MEAN ASIDE FROM A SHITLOAD OF THE STUFF I CARRY AROUND IN MY VEINS ALL THE TIME?

KARKAT: NO, SORRY.

KANAYA: Oh

KARKAT: PLEASE DON'T LOOK AT MY BODY LIKE THAT WHILE DROOLING.

KANAYA: Whoops

KARKAT: BUT REALLY, I DON'T HAVE A CLUE WHAT MY ASPECT MEANS.

KARKAT: OR IF IT EVEN HAS ANY SUBSTANTIVE CORRELATION WITH "MY SHIT" PER WHATEVER ECHIDNA WAS GOING ON ABOUT.

KARKAT: HONESTLY THOUGH...

KARKAT: WHEN WE STARTED PLAYING THE GAME, AND LEARNING ABOUT ALL THE ASPECT STUFF AND WHO WAS WHAT

KARKAT: I GOT SO EXCITED WHEN I FOUND OUT ABOUT MINE.

KARKAT: I WAS LIKE, WHAT? BLOOD?? FUCK YEAH!!!

KARKAT: THAT'S ME. THAT'S SO BADASS, AND I'M BADASS, SO YEAH, THAT CHECKS OUT.

KARKAT: AND EVEN THOUGH THE THING ABOUT BEING A BADASS WAS BULLSHIT, IT STILL JUST *FELT* RIGHT.

KARKAT: AND I THINK IT STILL DOES.

KANAYA: Thats Nice

KANAYA: I Think It Can Only Be Positive To Feel A Deep Affinity For Ones Aspect

KANAYA: Better Than Being At Odds With It

KANAYA: I Never Felt Like I Had Much To Do With Space

KANAYA: Until Eventually

KANAYA: I Somehow Came To Understand Space Meant More Than Just Space

KANAYA: Like Not Just

KANAYA: Physical Room And Dimension For Stars To Occupy

KANAYA: Its

KANAYA: Deeper Than That

KANAYA: A Field Related To Propagation

KANAYA: The Ones Who Create It

KANAYA: They Are Passing A Torch As It Were

KARKAT: YEAH, AT FIRST, I THOUGHT BLOOD JUST MEANT LIKE...

KARKAT: SOMETHING ABOUT BEING A WARRIOR! OR BEING COMPLETELY RUTHLESS TO ANYONE STANDING IN THE WAY OF VICTORY.

KARKAT: BUT AS MORE TIME PASSED

KARKAT: I REALIZED THERE WAS PROBABLY A LOT MORE TO IT.

KARKAT: AND I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND.

KARKAT: MAYBE I NEVER WILL.

KARKAT: BUT YOU KNOW

KARKAT: EVEN THOUGH I DON'T HAVE THOSE IMMATURE VIEWS ON BEING A BIGSHOT ANYMORE

KARKAT: I STILL WANT TO FIGHT!

KANAYA: You Do

KARKAT: YEAH!

KARKAT: I MEAN NOT ANY OLD TIME LIKE SOME BELLIGERENT ASSHOLE, BUT WHEN EVERYTHING IS ON THE LINE, AND IT REALLY MATTERS.

KARKAT: LIKE NOW.

KARKAT: SO MAYBE I WASN'T TOO FAR OFF ON THAT PART OF MY ASPECT?

KARKAT: MAYBE IT DOES HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH LIKE THE "WARRIOR SPIRIT" SHIT EVEN IF YOUR BODY AND SKILLS CAN'T QUITE BACK THAT UP.

KANAYA: Could Be

KANAYA: It Could Also Be Theres More To Being A Warrior Than Engaging In Physical Combat

KARKAT: HMM

KARKAT: BUT SERIOUSLY, I STILL DO WANT TO HELP MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THIS BATTLE SOMEHOW!

KANAYA: I Know You Do

KARKAT: LOOK, I COMPLETELY ADMIT. I'M SHIT.

KARKAT: I'M THE SHIT THEY RESERVE FOR THE SMELLIEST TOILET WHEN IT COMES TO FIGHTING ABILITY.

KARKAT: ALL THAT SMACK TALK BETWEEN ME AND VRISKA ABOUT MY USELESSNESS, THAT WASN'T EVEN SOME SNAPPY LITTLE FARCE, WHERE WE ALL RIDE KARKAT'S CROTCH BANDEAU FOR A LIVELY CHUCKLE.

KARKAT: IT WAS JUST SOME BASIC BOILERPLATE INTERLOCUTION THAT WAS EXACTLY ON THE FUCKING LEVEL.

KARKAT: I'M NOT A GOD TIER, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? NEITHER ARE YOU, AND NEITHER IS TEREZI.

KARKAT: BUT YOU'RE BOTH GREAT, AND DEADLY AS SHIT. IT'S NO EXCUSE.

KARKAT: I'VE NEVER BEEN ANY GOOD, AND IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO COME TO TERMS WITH HOW DELUDED I WAS ABOUT THAT.

KARKAT: THE ONLY REASON WE ENDED UP WINNING OUR GAME WAS THAT EVERYONE ELSE WAS ABLE TO PICK UP THE SLACK FOR ME.

KARKAT: PRETTY MUCH ALL I DID WAS SPEND A FEW WEEKS SHOUTING AT EVERYBODY.

KARKAT: I NEVER TOLD ANYONE THIS BUT...

KARKAT: EVEN WHEN I BEAT MY DENIZEN

KARKAT: I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE I GOT THE ONE RESERVED FOR THE WEAKEST PLAYERS.

KARKAT: LIKE A SPECIAL ONE.

KARKAT: YOU KNOW HOW THERE'S THAT SUPPOSEDLY RARE ONE THAT ONLY REALLY STRONG PLAYERS GET... IT HAS SOME WEIRD FUCKING NAME.

KARKAT: I'M PRETTY SURE MINE WAS LIKE THAT. BUT JUST THE OPPOSITE.

KARKAT: REALLY, I NEVER SAID *ANYTHING* ABOUT THIS BECAUSE IT WAS SO EMBARRASSING, BUT

KARKAT: WHEN I GOT TO HIM, HE WAS... WEIRDLY SMALL??

KARKAT: LIKE JUST REALLY SMALL.

KARKAT: AND HE MUMBLES HIS CHOICE SHIT WHICH OF COURSE I COMPLETELY IGNORE, AND HE SEEMS TO KNOW I WILL.

KARKAT: I CAN HEAR IT IN HIS VOICE. HE KNOWS I WON'T CARE, HE CAN SENSE MY CONTEMPT, HE CAN SENSE HOW SMALL AND PITIFUL I FEEL, AND BECAUSE HE'S LIKE ALL KNOWING AND SHIT, HE'S *FACTORED THIS IN*.

KARKAT: ON SOME LEVEL, I THINK I UNDERSTOOD ALL THIS, AND IT JUST MADE ME FURIOUS.

KARKAT: SO I KILLED HIM.

KARKAT: AND IT WAS TOO EASY. EVEN FOR ME, IT WAS EASY.

KARKAT: I REMEMBER THINKING "WHAT THE FUCK?" AFTER THE FINAL BLOW.

KARKAT: SO YEAH, I'VE BEEN PRETTY SURE I GOT THE "TRAINING DENIZEN" EVER SINCE. IT WAS JUST A MATTER OF ADMITTING IT TO MYSELF.

KARKAT: ACTUALLY, AS DUMB AS IT SOUNDS...

KARKAT: I THINK I'M *STILL* NOT COMFORTABLE WITH PEOPLE KNOWING THAT FACT. IT STILL FEELS HUMILIATING.

KARKAT: WOULD YOU MIND NOT TELLING ANYONE, KANAYA?

KANAYA: Ill Stay Quiet

KARKAT: BUT YEAH, MY UTTERLY TRAGIC LAMENESS ATTRIBUTE NOTWITHSTANDING, I'D STILL LIKE TO CONTRIBUTE.

KARKAT: I KNOW IT WON'T COUNT FOR MUCH.

KARKAT: I MIGHT EVEN GET IN THE WAY OF SOMEBODY COMPETENT.

KARKAT: BUT IT MATTERS TO ME, TO PUT EVERYTHING ON THE LINE, FOR ALL THE RIGHT REASONS THIS TIME.

KARKAT: NOT TO PROVE I'M STRONG OR AWESOME OR ANYTHING.

KARKAT: THE OPPOSITE REALLY... TO PUT MYSELF OUT THERE KNOWING PERFECTLY WELL I'M NOT.

KARKAT: I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO EARN THE RIGHT TO INHERIT THIS UNIVERSE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

KARKAT: NOT JUST GET DRAGGED INTO IT ON THE LOOSE FABRIC OF EVERYONE'S FUCKING PAJAMAS.

KARKAT: IT ALSO FEELS IMPORTANT TO JUST

KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW

KARKAT: STAND THERE WITH MY FRIENDS.

KARKAT: THEY'RE RISKING THEIR LIVES, AND THEY MAY BE MORE SUPERNATURALLY RESILIENT OR WHATEVER, BUT HEY.

KARKAT: I SHOULD BE RISKING MINE TOO.

KARKAT: TO AT LEAST SHOW I'M THERE WITH THEM.

KARKAT: AND WHO KNOWS, MAYBE A MOMENT WILL PRESENT ITSELF...

KARKAT: WHERE I CAN DO SOMETHING IMPORTANT.

KARKAT: LIKE NUDGE SOMEONE OUT OF THE WAY OF A RANDOM FLAMING FUCKBALL JUST IN TIME.

KARKAT: OR SOME OTHER SMALL THING ACTUALLY WITHIN MY ABILITY.

KARKAT: MAYBE I'LL DIE IN THE PROCESS OF SAVING SOMEONE MORE CRUCIAL TO VICTORY?

KARKAT: IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A PART OF THIS, SO BE IT.

KARKAT: I'M IN.

KANAYA: Thats Why Youre Our Leader Karkat

KARKAT: I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING LEADER!!!

KANAYA: Statements Like That Are Also Why Youre Our Leader

KARKAT: NO, I DON'T ACCEPT THAT.

KANAYA: You Have To

KARKAT: WHAT

KARKAT: WHY?!

KARKAT: NO I DON'T.

KARKAT: LOOK, WE *JUST* ESTABLISHED THIS BACK ON THE PAD.

KARKAT: I'M NOT A LEADER ANYMORE. END OF STORY.

KANAYA: That Isnt What Echidna Said

KARKAT: ??????

KANAYA: It Was Part Of The Deal

KARKAT: WHAT?

KARKAT: WHAT DEAL.

KANAYA: The Choice She Gave Me

KANAYA: It Was Straightforward Like I Said

KANAYA: Seeing Us Was Mostly A Formality

KANAYA: She Was Perfectly Willing To Release The Frog

KANAYA: But There Was One Small Thing I Had To Agree To First

KARKAT: WHAT??

KANAYA: To Protect You

KARKAT: .........?!

KANAYA: In Addition To Living Up To The Things I Supposedly Stand For As Well

KANAYA: The Resurrection Of Our People

KANAYA: But Once I Did That

KANAYA: She Made It Clear

KANAYA: Theyd Need Guidance

KANAYA: She Didnt Seem Happy With The Idea Of Her Universe Being Stricken With Another Race Of Lost Trolls

KANAYA: Maybe She Feels You Are The Best Chance Wed Have At Preventing That

KARKAT: ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING?

KANAYA: Not At The Moment

KARKAT: HAHAHAHAHA!

KARKAT: THESE DENIZENS ARE FULL OF SURPRISES AREN'T THEY.

KARKAT: OK, COOL! WHATEVER YOU SAY ECHIDNA!

KARKAT: IT'S PROBABLY A LOAD OF SHIT, BUT A DEAL'S A DEAL.

KARKAT: AT LEAST "PROTECTING ME" SHOULD BE A PRETTY EASY PROMISE TO LIVE UP TO, RIGHT?

KANAYA: Id Hope So

KARKAT: SURE IT IS.

KARKAT: WHEN I HEAD OUT TO BATTLE, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS STICK NEAR ME, AND DO YOUR BEST TO PROVIDE ME COVER.

KARKAT: I THINK AS LONG AS YOU'RE GIVING YOUR BEST EFFORT, YOU'RE TECHNICALLY KEEPING YOUR END OF THE BARGAIN.

KANAYA: That Would Be One Way Of Handling It

KARKAT: GREAT.

KARKAT: IT'S SETTLED THEN.

KARKAT: NOW LET'S GET OUT OF THIS STUFFY CAVE AND GET PSYCHED FOR BATTLE!

KARKAT: MAN, THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT. I CAN'T WAIT TO DUST THE OLD SICKLE OFF!

KARKAT: WHICH ONE TO USE, THOUGH... HOMES SMELL YA LATER? PROBABLY LACKING IN COMBAT STATS, BUT IT'S HARD TO SAY NO TO A CLASSIC.

KARKAT: THIS WAY KANAYA!!!

KANAYA: Dont Worry

KANAYA: Ill Meet You Out There

KANAYA: Once Its All Over

KARKAT: HUH?

KARKAT: OOF

[lex-munro]

[Fateverse: The Traveler] (We’re Not a) Team

you guys You Guys YOU GUYS YOU GUYS

i found it.  eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee =3

i gave the file the wonderfully accurate and unhelpful title of "TEMP," because i was adding its HTML tags and got interrupted.

Wade and Forecaster land in a Titans-verse on their first solo assignment (thanks to Jormungandr’s map).

Warnings:  Dimension-hopping.  An alternate DC timeline based on kind of a mashup of Titans and Young Justice, diverging somewhere in the middle of Titans season 2 and just stealing little tidbits of YJ; as such, contains spoilers for Titans but not for YJ (for example: Hank is alive and Blackfire is still on Tamaran living it up and reforming their objectively gross caste system).  Language: PG-13 (primetime TV plus s*** and f***).

Pairing:  background Dick/Connor (do we still call that rarepair SuperNight, or am I out of date again?).

Timeline:  several years after Titans season 2.

Disclaimer:  recognizeable characters and properties belong to DC, Marvel, WB, et al.

We’re Not a Team

Wade looks around.  An involuntary shiver creeps up his spine.  “Whoa.  I don’t feel right, Effcee.”

~It’s the phase misalignment.  Wades aren’t used to not matching their surroundings.~

“If I’m misaligned, doesn’t that mean I’m damaging the stability of this branch?”

~A little.  But we shouldn’t have to worry about that for a couple of days, at least.~

“Which is when what happens, exactly?  The destabilization gets too bad to fix?”

~Nahhhh.  Usually, local loci—heh, that’s fun to say—will come do some automatic tuning before it gets that bad.~

“Meaning one of this branch’s plot devices is gonna come kill the fuck outta me.”

~Anything sounds bad when you say it with that attitude.~

“Should I have tried to sound more cheerful about my potentially impending horrible death?”

~Always look on the briiight siiiide of death!~

Wade blames his somewhat Pavlovian response to song fragments for the way he automatically whistles along.  “So, where’s that subject shrapnel we’re chasing?”

~Scanning, please wait…  Whaaaaat?~

“What?” Wade echoes.  “What ‘what’?  Q’est ce que ‘what’?”

~Uh.  It’s…you?  But not you-you?  Resonance says it’s a Wade, but everything else is way outta whack.  And we’ve got a Bishop around here, prolly chasing him.  That’s all I got from local residue.  Find me a wifi hotspot, and I’ll see what the Interwebs turns up.~

So Wade heads for the Starbucks he sees at the end of the block.  He gets a triple-shot breve while he waits, and may or may not accidentally hear some radio chatter on a police band about some sports team losing some game.

~Okay, so according to this universe’s version of Reddit, we’re on Young Justice turf.  Let’s see…we got Teen Titans on each coast…we got some celebrity couples…  Nice TikTok vid of the green-haired kid and the goth chick acting out key Disney romance scenes with reversed gender roles…  Oh shit, son!  Not-you is a baby—the most talked-about baby on the planet right now.  Billionaire philanthropist tech mogul Bruce Wayne’s adopted grandkid, Wade Grayson, mysteriously vanished from the public eye one year ago today…  Wade, my guy, baby-you is Dick Grayson’s kid, how freaking awesome is that?~

“Oh, shit—is that where we are?  Damn, son!  His other dad is Superboy.”

~Missing as of yesterday.  The Internet is aflame with conspiracy theories, because of the timing.  Young Justice is poking around…their little Atlantean dude is closest, by my scans.~

“Sweeeet, let’s book it.”

~Nobody says that anymore, Wade.~

Wade chooses to ignore that.  He follows Forecaster’s map a few blocks and into an alley—where some young guy is going waterbender on Bishop.

“You!” Wade and Bishop say at the same time (and possibly with the same level of annoyance).

“Aren’t there any other time-traveling douchebags out there?” Wade complains.

“I was just thinking the same thing about you.”

“And don’t you have anything better to do than twaddle around the Timestream circumventing free will and murdering babies?”

Bishop ducks a spear made of water and says, “That’s a gross oversimplification!”

“Your face is a gross oversimplification!” Wade retorts, and squeezes off a few rounds.

Blocked by the nifty robot hand, but it was worth a try, and it gets the kid an opening to bash Bishop in the face with a hammer.

“Pffft, water-hammer…  Who said physics isn’t funny?”

“Enough!” yells Bishop, and he does his obnoxious blinding glowworm trick.

When Wade can see again, the creep is nowhere to be found.

“Who the heck are you?” the kid asks Wade.  “And how do you know Bishop?”

“Eh, I’ve had to kill a couple Bishops before.  As for who I am?  Short answer:  good guy.”

“Long answer?”

“Wade Wilson, meta-human Swiss Army Knife and dimension-hopping do-gooder.  I’m pretty sure I’m here to stop Bishop from killing Nightwing’s kid, who is both me and not-me.  Gonna assume at the moment that means my first step is finding and-or rescuing the boytoy.”

“Superboy,” the kid says helpfully.  “Robin and I found a clue and split up, and suddenly I’m facing off with sci-fi-Wilt-Chamberlain.  From what he was up to the last time we saw him, that means I’m on the right track.”

Wade turns a circle.  “In an alley?”

“I’m pretty sure there’s a secret LexCorp lab nearby.”

“Better call the gang, then.  Effcee, anything secret-labby?”

~Like the suspicious amount of shielding on the building to your right?  Hard to tell for sure, but the scans I can get make it look abandoned.~

“Huh.  Guess we don’t need a team, then.”  Wade shrugs, extends a blade, and takes an experimental swipe at the wall of the building in question.  The brick is easy, but he whacks something solid enough that he pulls something in his shoulder.

~Try the eye-lasers.~

“I hate the eye-lasers.”

~You got a better idea?~

“One of the Just Youngins goes punchy-punchy, right?  Whatever the current Wonder Woman equivalent is.  Is it another Wonder Girl, or did they go with something less derivative?”

~Narp.  The current Wonder Girl is a Teen Tighty.  Super-Dad is the team’s punchy-punchy, thus currently indisposed.~

“Stupid useful itchy eye-lasers,” Wade grumbles, and focuses on glaring the wall to death.

“Oh, sh—” Waterboy yelps, ducking behind Wade.

Something heavy falls inside the building.

Hope that wasn’t structural…

Wade kicks down the door he cut into the wall.

“Can we slow down a little?  I called the team, so we’ll have backup in a few minutes.  Martian or Nightwing would be super-helpful.”

“When it looks like we just hit money?” Wade scoffs, craning his neck to survey all the nifty LexCorp doodads.  “How awesome would it be to find and rescue a Superdude without any help from a bat or a bird?  That’d finally get the Water Tribe some respect, right?  I mean, there’s whole universes out there that mock Aquaman as the absolute lamest member of the Justice League.”

“What!?” squawks the younger man.  “After he made a literal dragon out of seawater and crunched a battleship in half?”

“Huh.  He can do that?”

“Yes!  It was extremely badass.  He even did a hair-flip after, and I’m pretty sure half the bystanders swooned.”

“Can you do that?”

“Not that big, but you saw me earlier.”

“No, the hair-flip.”

Damp Scamp, who has very short hair, is Not Amused.

“Kidding, kidding, jeez,” Wade mutters with a grimace.  “Could you have, for instance, seeped the water from these puddles into the mortar of the wall and then made it explode?”

“Yup,” the kid says, clearly not a fan of Wade’s fail-better-faster approach to problem-solving.

D’oh!

“Uh.  Oops?  My bad, yo.”

The current Robin drops into the alley from somewhere (Wade looks up, but there’s no fire escapes or open windows).  “Three questions:  who were you fighting; who’s the new guy; and are we going in, or what?”

“Three answers:  Marxist Baby-Killer; Wade Wilson, big fan of your work; and sure, let’s find some clues to where the baddies stashed Super-Dad.  How do you not know who Bishop is when Sokka over here said you guys have fought him before?”

“That was Bishop?  I was dealing with my own thing at the time—Dick didn’t even tell me it had happened until he’d sent Hank and the baby into hiding and they’d already put Bishop in Iron Heights Prison.”  Robin makes a face that Wade would hazard to classify as thoughtful.  “How’d you cut through the wall?”

“Itchy eye-lasers.  It’s a mutant thing.”

“Hm.  Let’s go.”

A yellow blur resolves itself into a kid with auburn hair and a dorky super-suit.  “Sorry I’m late—pizza craving.  You buzzed, Kaldur?”

“LexCorp lab, and try not to break anything,” Robin says.  He pauses to level each of them with a stern look.  “That goes for all three of you.”

“Have we met?” the new kid asks Wade.

“Wade Wilson, interdimensional bounty hunter, here to unfuck this shit with Bishop and the presumably-super-powered mysterious baby.”

“Wowsers.  I’d try to be skeptical of you, but it’s been that kinda week.  Plus, said mysterious baby has always tickled my brain with questions his dads refused to acknowledge, like, ‘where did this creepy baby come from’ and ‘how can the creepy baby change his DNA’ and ‘why the hell was the creepy baby’s first word “Donna” when I am clearly the superior babysitter’.  Anyway, I’m Kid Flash, nice to meetcha.”

“What do you think Bishop was after?” Aquadude asks as they try to figure out whether anything’s been taken or disturbed.

“Truth serum?” Robin speculates.  “Kryptonite tools?  Some sort of mind-reading device?  Kryptonian DNA tracker?”

“This looks computer-y,” Wade declares, and thrusts Forecaster at a large array of electronics meaningfully.

~Y’know, a ‘please’ would be nice.~

“Please crack into Lex Luthor’s evil network so we can do our job and not get fired on our very first solo mission.”

~Sheesh, you’re so grumpy these days…~

Screens and control panels light up.  Gibberish scrolls by.

~Well, no convenient ‘we got Superboy stashed here’ signs, but logs say ol’ Skywalker came and got a control chip for some doohickey that’s supposed to let you view and record somebody’s memories.  They got some kooky drug that makes people more suggestable, but apparently that adds a risk of brain damage.  Ooh, doesn’t seem to work on Kryptonians, so that’s good news.~

Flash Junior’s comm buzzes, and he answers it.  “Yello!”

~“Nightwing is missing.”~

~Yikes,~ says Forecaster.  ~Guess we know whose memories they’re planning to poke through.~

“That’s pretty terrible news, Meggles,” the auburn idiot relays.

~“My name is not ‘Meggles.’  I have alerted Outlaw, and he has decided to make an attempt to locate Nightwing with Raven’s magic.”~

~Found a map.  Might need a ride.~

“Okay, Mug—Mig—look, Martian, I really suck at pronouncing your name, so I’ll just go with the bastardized American version and call you Megan—we’ve got a couple of leads, too.  We’ll call if we get anything concrete.”  And the Quicksilver knock-off hangs up his comm.

Robin is currently staring at the map Forecaster has projected on a nearby wall.  “I’ll take the west side; you three check the remaining five sites.”

“How come you get a whole side to yourself?”

“Because I’m not as easily distracted as you, Kid Flash,” Robin dismisses.

“Is it ‘cause I’m white?  It’s ‘cause I’m white, isn’t it.”

“What?  No.  Dick and Jace are white.  Rach and Cass are white.  Hell, Clark and Bruce are white.”

“Clark’s an alien.”

Wade puts a hand over the chatterbox’s mouth.  “We probably don’t have time for this,” he interrupts.  “You take the bottom three, if you’re so hot to trot.  Me and Moist Boi can knock out the other two.”

“Transportation?” Aquakid asks.

“Does teleporting make you carsick?”

“I have no idea?”

Wade grabs the kid and fwumps them across the room.

“Oh,” he says in a tiny, awkward voice.  “No, but it’s really rather unpleasant, isn’t it?”

Wade waves a hand.  “Don’t be a wuss.  I’ll drop you at one site and bamf along to do the other one.  Woohoo, teamwork, all right!”

“Go team!” Kid Flash agrees (“We’re on two separate teams, and he’s not a member of either of them,” Robin says, and gets ignored).

“Go team,” Aquabro says with a distinct lack of esprit de corps.

“You would suck at a pep rally,” Wade says, and grabs his shoulder to start chaining teleports.

Five minutes later, he drops off the Liquidator, gets his bearings, and heads for the last site.

“I got a good feeling about this one, Effcee,” Wade says as he stares at a dockside warehouse that basically screams ‘secret lab.’  “You tapped the Justice Scouts’ comms, right?”

~Yeah, but I got no signal on Flasher and Puddles.  Maybe that’s just from getting into secret bases full of shielding.  Or maybe somebody broke their communicate-y bits.  Want I should try Birdy the Third in case of fowl play?~

“Nahhhh, he’s got important shit to do.  Let’s just bee and ee without any bee-ing.  Teleportation is so convenient, even if it makes my bones chilly.”

~Wade.  Fowl.  Fowl play.~

“I’m not going to dignify that with a response.  Get me some scans so I don’t splinch myself.”

~So you don’t splinch yourseeeelf…?~

Wade rolls his eyes.  “Please.”

~Coming right up, O Humorless One!~

“I’ve got tons of humor.  I’m funnier than you.”

~Hah!  Good one.  But hey, once we’re in, then what?~

“So many questions!  I’ll do what Jamie’s best at.  Y’know…all those ‘ain’t nice’ things involving violence and dismemberment.”

.End.

[falseren]

one year from now, she sits at home

playing minecraft she’s all alone

she turns on twitch, and guess who she sees

r8cer boi opening up tcg

he calls her his friend, chat already knows

he’s got a ticket and he’ll show

she tags along and stands in london

looks up at the man who’s giving her a trophy

he was a r8cer boi

she said stop ignoring me boi

he wasn’t good enough for her

now he’s on the charity stream, slamming on the guitar

do they know how much the auction’s worth

he was a r8cer boi

she said stop muting up boi

he wasn’t good enough for her

now he’s on the charity stream, doing a backwards handshake

does his pretty face know he needs to shut up sometimes

sorry chat but you missed out

well tough luck that trophy’s mine now

we are just good friends

this is how the stream ends

too bad that he couldn’t see

see the competent man that he could be

there isn’t more than meets the eye

i see the twaddle that is inside

he’s just a dog

i’m just scared

can we make it any more ambiguous

we love twaddle

haven’t you heard

how i’m the only one he ever gets anxious around

he was a boy

she was a girl

can i make it any more ambiguous