#tagging in case dorian fans might be interested

[ramon-tikaram-love]

Ramon Tikaram as Charon in Kaos (2024–)

watch it on netflix and it might get a 2nd season! nvm, already got cancelled ._. after a month and a week

[utilitycaster]

(this might be a silly question, and please take this in the best possible faith, i don't mean it to be any kind of a gotcha or a trap, okay now that that's out of the way) i'm a cr fan who hasn't started c3 yet (still trucking through c2 and loving it) but i've been a quiet observer to whatever tf has been happening in the tumblr tags for it and have enjoyed your takes/opinions. so, asking this as someone without context who's not trying to comment on any recent ship developments (don't worry about spoilers though, not trying to avoid any), are there parts of c3, either characters or plot or backstories or whatever, that you do really enjoy/find compelling? (you might have already answered this, i've only been following you for like. a week and a half.) thank you!

Hi anon!

Yes, there definitely are! I completely get where you're coming from for this question, too, but I appreciate the context because I have gotten questions before where I feel like someone is trying to corner me and say CAN'T YOU BE POSITIVE??? Anyway, more on that at the end because I want to get to the things I do like, because there are, in fact, a lot. Also, because you've been vaguely following stuff this is chock full of spoilers just FYI.

Ashton, Chetney, and Fearne are all great characters. There is a lot of thought put into all three by the cast members who play them, I find their backstories and their inner lives rich and interesting, I am actually pretty patient with the Hishari plotline because Ashton has so much else going on that while I'm curious, I don't feel deprived. Chetney is just a great concept (for real people need to play older adventurers more often) and Travis is perhaps an unparalleled generator of interesting plot hooks, and Fearne constantly surprises me with her emotional depth and mischief - after two campaigns of Ashley playing characters who were often more, if not subdued, restrained or thoughtful, it's wonderful watching her let loose and be chaotic and cause problems.

Imogen is tricky because she's a character archetype I love, but her closest relationship does nothing for me. I would really love to see Laura lean into the darkness and moral ambiguity more. With that said her relationships with most of the rest of the party are great and I'd like more of them, and her family dynamics are also fascinating. With Imogen...I do want payoff but there has consistently been enough to keep me going.

Orym and FCG are interesting cases because I always liked Orym well enough but he was extremely Just A Guy - he delivered consistently but never wowed me - and I could not stand FCG earlier on. However, Orym's current arc is phenomenal. Liam's style doesn't always work for me but when it does, it really does, and the past few episodes have been top-tier Orym content. Similarly, after FCG learned of their history and met Dancer, they have been on an upswing that has not ended. I have never before turned around on a character to this degree but I love what Sam is doing. So if you're early on and FCG pisses you off: valid, but he gets good around episode 31 and then keeps being good.

The party split arcs are great. I love Uthodurn, I love Molaesmyr, I love getting to see some of Issylra, there's some great combat, the guests are all fantastic, it's a standout Laudna arc (quite literally part of why I've been recently frustrated with Laudna is because it's like every scrap of character development vanishes when she's within 15 feet of Imogen, like the dumbest paladin aura, but episodes 59-63 Laudna you will always be famous.

Earlier on, everything while Dorian is there is a fun time. Eshteross is precisely up my alley as are the Green Seekers. I also love the Twilight Mirror Museum heist.

The Bassuras arc is rough because there's a lot of good stuff going on but the plot is all weird and slow and I did not enjoy the guest arc. That said: some great interpersonal conversations, and also the Deathwish Run is a fun time if, like me, you love combat.

Yios casino episode, also a good time. The best way I can put it for someone watching through is that like...episodes 1-23 are typical finding one's characters/figuring out what's going on early campaign stuff, enjoyable overall, and the flaws within them can be attributed to that. 24-38 have plenty of bright spots within them (some of which I talked about) but it's a real slog at times. 39-42 are great. 43-45 are nonstop lore dump time, which isn't to say they are bad - there's some good stuff in there - but after 24-38 being lore dump and weird setup city it's a bit exhausting. Once the party goes to the feywild in 46 things get good and stay good. Like, for all the current romance isn't doing anything for me it's also, at this point, literally 2 minutes in an episode that otherwise fucking rules.

So just to get back on the bit about positivity: I tend to talk a lot more about what isn't working than what is. Some of this is because I firmly believe complaining is an art and a skill and is more fun to write. Some if it is also because I think if I like something, I just...like it! I can probably figure out why I like it if I want, but there's something very enjoyable about, well, just enjoying something. But if I don't like something, it's important for me to try to tease out why. Sometimes it's just that it doesn't work for me. There have been past CR characters who, while I can talk through the things I find I don't like about them, in the end it really comes down to "I think this personality is annoying, and that's valid and also a personal opinion." But sometimes I can frame it in terms of lack of narrative weight or momentum, or mechanically suboptimal builds that don't fit in with the character, or what have you, and I think it's valuable to be able to say that instead of just "wow this sucks." Like, there's meta to be had in why I don't care for something, whereas, for example, Fearne's incredibly clutch moves in the most recent episode were things I called out in my liveblogging but I don't have much to say other than "Ashley made some baller combat choices."

[vesuvian-vampire]

Helpful Blog Guide (or, what you’ll find here)

this post updates from time to time | last update: october 6, 2024

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『 About the Blog! 』

Hello! Call me Asphodel. I’m a digital artist seeking to study The Arcana’s art style, both out of appreciation for the game and as a challenge to myself. My post schedule is fairly sporadic on account of my health, so I can’t really predict how often I’ll use this blog, but I figured I’d make one just in case.

I got into The Arcana for the first time all the way back in 2017, around the time of its release. I remember impatiently waiting for the bottom three LIs’ routes to update, as they were completed post-launch. Over the last few years, I periodically would hyperfixate on the game and then grow bored of it for a little while, before the cycle repeated itself. The Arcana was one of my inspirations for me to start taking my own art seriously, back in 2020.

I’ll be using this blog to document my study of the game’s art style. I’ll share headcanons from time to time. I’m also interested in meeting other fandom blogs, especially other artists!

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I don’t currently take commissions.

DM me if you want to do an art trade or a collab! I may decline if my health’s flaring up/I’m too busy, but I’m happy to do them when I can.

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[wildsayeed]

“jealous” pt. 1

universe: platinum, choices.

pairing: MC (samantha “sam” dorian) x m!raleigh carrera

trigger warnings: intentional lowercase, innuendo (c’mon, it’s raleigh heheh), mhm not exactly smut but there’s kissing, fluff!! and probably tons of mistakes (bear with me, english is my second language djskdkf)

words: almost 2k

type: multiple parts fic

tag list (and people who might be interested, sorry if you’re not!!): @sayeedbound @iddevouryou @blackandblueandstars @justahumblepie

^please let me know if you’d like to be tagged in the next part!

also,, feel free to tag any raleigh stans you know that might be interested (⌒▽⌒)

~•~

fancy dresses, nice drinks and everything “rich” was the sight for everyone to see at this year’s celebration of the vinyls.

samantha and raleigh’s relationship was official. there wasn’t any type of conflict between jaylen and sam either... which meant that this year the awards should go smoothly.

sam couldn’t believe what she was seeing when fiona held the invitation before her eyes a few days back. she thought she was never coming back, so being invited the year right after her incident on-stage with jaylen was a bit of a shock.

“still nervous?” raleigh asked, taking sam’s hand to his lips depositing a kiss, making her blush.

“not at all. with you by my side, the only thing i could be possibly nervous about is you.” she confessed, pecking him on the cheek, his stubble slightly tickling her.

the couple were walking hand in hand around one of the less crowded areas of the enormous theatre where the vinyls were being hosted this year.

raleigh took her by the waist, and turned her around to face him. “you’re such a dork, dorian.” he whispered, his face very close to hers. even with samantha’s high heels, raleigh still had to lower his head a little to kiss her. he was about to get excited when an overly-annoying voice was heard approaching them.

“get a room, you two!” avery interrupted them with a high pitched faked voice, showing up behind them followed by fiona.

“more like save it for the cameras. the fans go crazy every time the papzz catch you exchanging germs.” fiona added, shortly lowering her voice and muttering something about horny kids.

samantha’s cheeks were burning up, while raleigh seemed to be unable to stop smiling. he took her face in his hands and kissed her deeply, gaining some very visible eye rolls from their friends.

“carrera, are you done now?” fiona bickered, crossing her arms but immediately raising her hand when raleigh’s smile only widened with her question. “don’t even try. in case you haven’t noticed yet, we didn’t come here to see you getting handsy with our girl over here. the show’s about to start, both of you need to get to your seats now. you too, avery.”

no further comment or question was said. the orders raleigh carrera followed were almost nonexistent, but fiona’s were definitely in that list. they all made their way towards the stage and looked for their seats.

samantha’s hands covered her mouth in surprise. “no way!”

“baby, what’s wrong?” raleigh asked as soon as he heard her, but a deep male voice was heard before she could answer.

“hey, guys!” harry styles approached them, followed by four handsome, tall, british men.

“avery! it’s very nice meeting you again.” liam payne greeted his blonde friend, engulfing her in a big hug. he turned to raleigh. “carrera, bro’, how’s it going?”

samantha stood there, unable to move as her five crushes from a few years back were right in front of her, greeting her boyfriend and best friend.

“this is samantha, my girlfriend.” raleigh introduced her, placing his arm around her waist proudly. he loved putting his hands around her, and it wasn’t like she seemed to mind either.

since liam and harry were standing closest to them, and avery was talking to the rest of the -now separated- band, the aforementioned hugged sam and the others gave her waves and smiles.

“of course! sam dorian, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you. love who i’ll be is awesome.” harry pointed out. sam could actually feel her legs weakening now.

harry styles listened to her song! and her favorite artists since she was a teen were now in front of her, talking to her.

“go easy on her, she might pass out. little sammy over here confessed when we were rehearsing she‘s a huge fan.” avery chimed in, the rest of the guys now occupying their seats on the row below sam, raleigh and avery’s.

in that exact moment samantha thought, probably for the first time in her whole life, about killing avery. it wasn’t humanly possible to blush harder.

“really? thanks so much for the support!” liam said.

raleigh was staring at his girlfriend the whole time. sam didn’t even notice when he’d let go of her waist and crossed his arms over his chest, but what she did notice was his arched eyebrow when she started talking.

“yeah!” she cleared her throat after talking maybe a little too excited. “y-yes, of course.”

“here.” avery took out her phone. “let’s take a selfie!”

samantha couldn’t be happier. she actually thought for a second she might be dreaming. a selfie with avery wilshere, harry styles, liam payne and raleigh carrera?

her boyfriend, raleigh carrera?

who, by the way, had wandered off a little and was now looking anywhere but where avery, sam and the guys were, his face pinched. his thoughts were interrupted by avery’s sweet voice.

“aren’t you joining us, raleigh?” avery touched sam’s arm, pouting towards her boyfriend who was looking at his feet with the same frown that formed in this face when the old one direction approached them.

he looked up at them as if he hadn’t talked to them earlier on. “mhm? ah, no. i’d rather do… literally anything else.”

this behavior was very uncharacteristic of raleigh when he was around his girlfriend. their careers didn’t allow them to be together as much as they’d like, so whenever they had the chance to do so they wouldn’t leave each other’s side.

after the picture was taken, everyone got to their seats as the awards were about to start. the ex boy band was about to hop on stage to sing together for the first time since their split in 2015.

as soon as they got up there the whole theatre went crazy, and sam and avery weren’t the exception. they both stood up, dancing and singing to the lyrics of what makes you beautiful. with the euphoria of the moment, sam wasn’t exactly paying much attention to the annoyance on raleigh’s face as she danced and screamed.

once the song came to an end and everyone went back to their seats, sam was a complete smiley-giggly mess. and that’s when she noticed raleigh’s left hand clenched into a fist on the arm rest in between them. samantha snaked her arm under his and took his hand in hers, his expression and body relaxing as his eyes found hers.

debating whether or not it was a good idea to question his obvious jealous behavior, she decided to let it slide for the moment and talk privately after the awards. “i love you.” she whispered to him, placing a sweet kiss on his cheek.

“i love you too.” he replied with his characteristic smirk.

~•~

next part coming soon!

[turtle-ier]

Hey this is a secret link so don’t click ‘read more’ unless you care about really boring rambling about a fanfiction you haven’t read.

Now that they’re gone, hi all.

If you’re here then you’ve clicked on the super-secret hidden link at the end of this series. This text here isn't a piece of fanfiction, which is why it isn't tagged with any characters/relationships/categories, etc (or even on AO3, I might put this on my Tumblr), so if you aren't interested in hearing more about the inspiration behind my fanfiction series “Something Else is Out There”, and some of my thoughts as a writer behind the process, then don't be afraid to click away.

I have plenty of other fics in this fandom that are worth a look. Personally, I would consider ‘Bring Back Pluto’ to be one of the best pieces of fanfic I have ever made, so I’d encourage you to check that out instead.

I just wanted to say a huge thank you to anyone who clicked on this series, even if you didn't read it all or only came to have a look, it still means a lot that you spent any time at all on this series.

I wanted to go into some details about the things I included or removed from these works because I, personally, didn't really know I was making these references until I looked back and went ‘oh damn’ so I thought it would be fun to take a glance and look at it through the 20/20 vision of hindsight.

To start with, I'll talk about things that I included in ‘Two Worlds’ that allowed this series to blossom, then about some of the difficulties linking the first piece with the other two. I’ll talk about a couple of specific inspirations, one throughout the whole series and one in a scene I really like, and I’ll go into details I added last minute that really changed the themes and tone in the stories.

All links, stories, Wikipedia pages etc I mention will be put in the notes at the bottom of this in order mentioned.

The tree-people were not supposed to be in it

It’s crazy to think, looking back, that I originally intended the big bad guy in ‘Two Worlds’ to be the darkness, the grue, and nothing more. The idea of the other-George was added in the middle of writing Chapter three: the slow burning fuse, as I didn't know what was chasing George; a personification of the night, a monster, or his imagination? I think originally I was intending for it to just be the darkness eating away at the torch George was holding, or perhaps Dream following him, but then I wasn't sure what to do with it.

Basically, ‘Two Worlds’ was boring. I had to fix it.

I’m actually writing about doppelgangers for my dissertation, and with other uni work I have done in the past I often re-adapt my fan work themes and settings to make them into original stories, and so I guess since I had been doing research into books like ‘The Picture of Dorian Grey’ and ‘The Silent Companions’ over the summer, it was planted in my mind. I tend to think of my more modern fanfics as a trial for my “”real fiction”” (fanfic is real fiction too, don't let anyone tell you otherwise), and I guess ‘Two Worlds’ took my dissertation and multiplied it by ten.

The idea of Dream changing with the seasons originally came from a pair of works, the first called “Wake Me Up When September Ends” by SilverShadowBeliever, and “he turns orange in the fall,” which has been orphaned by the author. These are both fics I read when I was first joining fandoms, and they're both for the Yogscast.

I also mentioned that this fic was inspired in part by 'You lit a fire in my soul' by Yikes (CoralFlower) before, but I’ll just say it again, their fic is really cool.

‘Two Worlds’, ‘Archipelago’, the chapter title for the introduction in T.W, ‘A Cold Open’, and the chapter titles in ‘Archipelago’ for chapters 8 and 9, ‘Darkness’ and ‘A Very Long Game,’ were all yoinked from Don’t Starve and it’s adventure mode, but the last in that list comes from a fanfiction series by Asidian, again to do with Don’t Starve. The work in that series, ‘Out of Darkness’ was also a major inspiration, although I fear you may not understand the concept behind it if you are not someone who has played the game. Either way, their works are brilliant too.

Things that became difficult the longer the series went on

This is essentially a ‘if I had a time machine’ section.

I would mention George’s relations to the other characters sooner. Bad, Ant and Skeppy in ‘Ice Bridge’ feel shoved in at the end and rushed, with little character development outside of dialogue and Dream’s observations about them. Not to mention, at points in time I mention things like “Phil was like that  –  caring” or, “Techno was always one to protect others” which is the exact opposite of what you’re supposed to do, but when characters like Niki or Tubbo had two or no lines each in the second part of the series it was difficult to suddenly try and flesh them out.

If I could change ‘Two Worlds’ now, I’d have a scene, possibly in chapter 2, where George and Dream discuss people they knew. It would be a good way to imply about George knowing more than just Sapnap, and for Dream to perhaps hint that he doesn't know or remember anyone. It would also make his statement to Sapnap in chapter 3 of Archipelago false  –  a hint of Dream withholding information, of him being perhaps jealous of Sapnap and George’s relationship, and perhaps of selective hearing.

This kind of brings up my thoughts on Dream too  –  while I like some of what I did with him, often I felt like he was just the naive, new guy and nothing more. I feel like there should have been a scene in Ice Bridge where he gets into a fight or something. It gets a little tiring reading back because he just doesn’t know anything, even though he is sort of the ‘key’ in understanding all of it (there’s a term for that sort of thing  –  like the Ring in ‘Lord of the Rings’ or the Heart of the Mountain in the Hobbit  –  but I can't for the life of me remember it).

There were also some issues with connectedness. At one point there was Ant on Dream’s shoulder, and when he returned to Bad and Skeppy, Bad also had Ant on his shoulder. Dream had his knife and George also had the same knife in ‘Two Worlds’. Techno’s wound on his side suddenly moved to his leg in Archipelago. Things like that.

Inspirations that I didn't realise were inspirations at first

As (I think) I have mentioned a few times, I’m at university. One of the books I had to read in my second year was ‘Sir Gawain and the Green Knight’ which got me all kinds of fucked up.

Gawain and the Green Knight is possibly the single greatest piece of fiction I have ever read.

It’s over 500 years old, with the original poet unknown, and had been passed down for generations prior to the smug original poet writing it down. It could easily be one of the oldest pieces of fantasy fiction EVER, and it is definitely the oldest piece of written fantasy to have come out of England.

Did I mention that I love this book/poem?

I’ll link a free version that I found and referenced in the notes/at the end, as with everything else, but if you have the patience to get through the first three parts the fourth will knock you off your feet.

Essentially, the inspiration that Gawain and the Green Knight put upon me came in many forms. The most obvious ones being things like the idea of decay  –  worlds existing before the characters great, great, great grandparents even existed, abandoned homes, remnants of ancient religions which had been forgotten in time.

I know most of my readers are probably American, but listen up UK peeps  –  we live on graves. Our country is founded in ruin. In Lincoln, the nice grassy parks at the top of the hill can't be built on because they are PLAGUE PITS! In Cambridge, farmers have to be wary of where they plough their fields in case they come across these unmarked grave sites. And in London, they regularly have to stop building works and underground digging for the same reason  –  and this poem was written down between two plagues. The themes of Gawain and the Green Knight are intentional  –  death surrounded them then, and it surrounds us now. We are a country of decay. Unless your house was new when you bought it there’s a high chance someone died in it, too.

The hill at the end of ‘Two Worlds’, the one Dream climbs and they all spawn near, and same the one the ‘mysterious people’ reference, is a reference to the Celtic burial mounds that is also referenced in Gawain and the Green Knight  –  it’s become the chapel that the Green Knight calls his home, a grave. I think I subconsciously linked the two together. It would be ironic that the thing Dream climbed to try and save them was a memorial of failure for the world that had existed before them.

In addition to this, winter is another big idea surrounding this for obvious reasons. Winter means cold, it means famine and disease, less sunlight and lower mood. It means hard times, and for many, tragedy. In Gawain it’s mostly used as an excuse to link the role of the Green Knight to the new year  –  the death of an old year and the cycle to begin anew. Again, we live on graves. The old die, and we forget them, and we begin again.

The nature symbolism is another big thing in Gawain, as it’s a symbol of the wild vs civilisation, of evil vs good, and of the temporary and the permanent. In Gawain, the Green Knight intentionally carries around an axe (another symbol of evil, similar to the weapon of choice for executioners and woodsmen), and I thought that would be a neat little symbol for George. Not only is it a threat against Dream (I think it’s mentioned somewhere that George feels bad for felling trees), but it’s a sign that George is not as out of his depth in the wild as he may seem. He believes himself to be out of his depth, but Dream asking George for help to make his own axe could be a similar idea  –  Dream doesn't belong where he has been placed.

One thing I only noticed upon reflection is the similarities between Gawain and George. For starters, since this is a tale about King Arthur’s knights, it’s expected that anyone who sits around the round table is a courageous, forward thinking individual, but Gawain is a coward. He is told to seek the Green Knight and at first refuses to, intentionally biding a year at Camelot to avoid humiliation and death at the hands of the Knight. While George is not necessarily cowardly, he is a bit of a wimp sometimes. Similarly, at the end of Gawain and the Green Knight, Gawain has the back of his neck cut by the Knight in a so called ‘beheading game’, but he is called a coward for it since he relies on an enchanted item rather than his own guts and intuition to pull him through. George isn't given the option of a magical artifact, but he does get scarred in a similar way, although, it could just be because of the way other-George died.

You could also compare Dream to the Green knight for obvious reasons. Nature symbolism, changing with the approach of winter, immortality, a representation of a lost world, someone who doesn't fit in with modern society, the last of his kind (for a little bit), the list goes on.

But one comparison I really wanted to make was between Phil and King Arthur. King Arthur hardly makes an appearance in Gawain and the Green Knight. He’s at the beginning, boasting about how he won't eat until something spectacular happens at his feast, and at the end where he refuses Gawain’s warnings about Camelot one day falling. As I’m sure you remember, Phil is crowned by Techno in ‘The Long Goodbye’, and he mentions Phil’s legacy living forever. I guess in some ways it translates across. While Phil is no king, he accepts the defeat against Techno and lets him go. He understands that the life he wants, the one where he and his friends last forever, won't happen. While in the legend of King Arthur he goes into slumber on the isle of Avalon to be woken up when England next goes to war, Phil doesn't have the same pop-out-the-grave party trick, and it’s kind of like Phil is more the embodiment of what Camelot stands for than Arthur. Phil is flawed, even if the others insist that he isn't, and he will one day fall. The legend that Techno alludes to is when Phil’s story will become like Arthur’s. A hope in darkness, and a reminder that he will always be remembered even if he is really gone.

ONE THING I didn't notice myself, but my friend noticed when I was describing the texts, was the links between Fundy, Techno and the deer/elk in the other-world. In the Green Knight, specifically the third act, there’s a scene where the green knight and his court go on a hunt. They kill a white ‘hart’ (aka a stag), which represents what the human world wants from the forest  –  an easy meal, a dumb animal to chase, and to not spend much time out in the woods. They chase and kill a boar too, which is a representation of power, of a bridge of sorts between their worlds as the humans would want it for its excessive meat but would not want the fight, while the Green Knight’s court would want it for the challenge of taking down a great foe. Similarly, hunting a fox is useless to humans as it doesn't hold much meat, but to the Green Knight’s court it’s a symbol of intelligence and wit, of a great prize they didn't need to seek but did anyway, and it’s a clear difference between their ideologies.

I didn't intend for the link to be there, and I only used the idea of a ‘white, three-eyed deer-thing’ because of the mythos surrounding a white hart in England, which is just a symbol of magic or goodwill (or bad luck, depending on who you ask). Many people don't realise it’s Celtic origins (again, the Green Knight is a symbol of these lost Celtic religions and lifestyles in medieval England) and so while I didn't intend for the symbol to be there at first, I think it fits in quite well that it appears at first in the other-world, and then in the over-world when the darkness is trying to untangle the two worlds, as it’s a kind of nod to the magic/evil properties of the ‘others’.

Also, a final note, often the fae in Arthurian myth (evil beings of mischief and chaos in medieval texts) operate near water. Think of the Lady of the Lake, Mermaids, Sirens, etc. I thought that was neat and made other-Sapnap mention it at some point. I just like water. It’s an adaptive metaphor.

That’s enough about general themes and me ripping off a story that may or may not be a thousand years old.

Please let me talk about a painting called ‘Allegory of Fortune’ by Salvator Rosa.

‘Whispers’ was a challenging chapter to write in ‘Ice Bridge’ purely for the section at the end where Techno is in his house.

You see, Techno in his videos is a pretty smart guy. He presents himself well. He studied Greek tragedies in university (he references Helen of Troy in a video of him, Schlatt and Travis disassembling a KFC) and talks regularly of Sun Tzu, not to mention some casual Shakespeare references sprinkled around like he’s Salt Bae. He’s a smart cookie. He seems like one of the smartest cookies on the Dream SMP. He seems like someone who plans things, thinks them out, and only takes chances when he has to.

And the goal he has in this was a risk, all right.

This is the whole thing behind that totally unnecessary reference I made. First of all, it references the painting, which depicts the roman god of fortune, Fortuna, as she is bestowing her gifts of fortune upon the undeserving ‘animals’. Animals is quoted because Rosa is heavily implying in the painting that the animals are important Italian figures, including a donkey with the royal red cloak of the pope on it (yikes), a pig with the king’s crown(YIKES) and multiple animals standing on books representing education and law (Y.I.K.E.S.). The animals are also standing on roses  –  a reference to the artist himself (and btw that was like the only reason why he didn't get beheaded or something because of it).

The line Techno thinks something along the lines of ‘mules are not nobles’ etc is an actual adaptation of what Rosa said about his piece when he was questioned on its meaning.

I thought it would be fun for Techno to make reference to the work in a kind of satirical way, especially since in the painting the pig is shown to be undeserving of the crown, and Techno believes he is worthy, when later he gives it to Phil after he realises that he is indeed unworthy of it.

What changed in the edits?

Everything changed in the edits. Also hardly anything did.

The first big edit I did was in chapter 10 of ‘Archipelago’ where Sapnap and George are talking. Multiple lovely, wonderful, incredible commenters pointed out how they didn't really understand what the other-Techno was on about, and while I intended to fix that in ‘Ice Bridge’, I panicked and changed it to happen then because otherwise it might have been an unsatisfying end. Techno was supposed to figure out that it was like a brain transplant to become immortal, but it saved me time later so it didn't really matter.

Originally, I was planning for Sapnap to die in the other-world, like permanently. It was going to be a reason for George to doubt Dream, and for Dream to leave the settlement and all the others behind, but instead I decided to let him live for the sake of tension within the group later. I didn't want Sapnap to die, but if I were to go back I don't know if I would make the same decision. It could have gone either way.

Chapter 5 in ‘Ice Bridge’ was originally two separate ones, splitting in half when Dream realised he couldn't remember anything from before he met George, but it got too muddled to be kept separate. A similar thing happened with chapter 14 in the same story, where it was supposed to be separated when there was another knock at the door, but that time the resulting chapter afterwards, which was going to be chapter 16 or something, was too short to be justified.

In ‘Ice Bridge’, two chapters swapped titles, ‘The Long Goodbye’ and ‘Standoff’. Chapter 14, ‘snowfall’ and chapter 15, ‘ice bridge’ swapped locations too since I felt that the piece finishing  with Dream and crew was more fitting as an ending than the one with Techno, Niki and Phil leaving the other tower.

The porcelain mask was another big one. I didn't know whether to include it at first and only added it after I had posted chapter 5 or so of ‘Ice Bridge’. I figured that it would be a big symbol of closure, of Dream getting what he was looking for on his adventure and being able to return home guilt free. I understand that it may feel a bit like an unnecessary emotional kick to add, but I did feel like it was the finale of Dream’s character arc.

The final last-minute addition was the fight between Phil, Techno and Niki. It was supposed to be a breakdown, a sign that Techno had pushed too far and that Phil wasn't the man that they had all expected him to be, but I believed that a more dramatic end was necessary.

To be honest, I remembered Lindsay Ellis’ videos on Game of Thrones. I haven't watched the series nor read the books, but I remembered her reaction to a fight breaking out between a mentor character and his apprentice, two morally good characters with differing goals. Phil may be Techno’s father figure, but there is only so far you can lean before you break, and this was supposed to be Phil’s breaking point.

See, Phil would know Techno was stronger than him, a better fighter, someone more willing to take a calculated risk, but he was desperate, deluded, and pushed to the edge. When words are not enough there are only so many ways that someone can act, and Phil decided to speak Techno’s language.

I also let Niki fight in the scene because I didn't think she had done much up to that point, and having her established to own weapons earlier and then not use them later seemed dumb. I wish there were more female characters that I could have included, but no one seemed right. If I were to change something, maybe I’d have her go into the ‘Other-World’ with Sapnap or something. It might be interesting to see how the other-Techno would react to someone he hasn’t seen before.

Final thoughts

I really like this fic. I put so little thought into it at the beginning and now it’s a huge thing that contains two of the longest fics I have ever done (I keep mentioning it, but I’m still in awe. I struggled a lot with things over 5,000 not so long ago) and some of my most intergrained references. There’s a few hiccups, I will admit, but I don't think there’s anything so big that it ruins the whole experience.

I really liked how I figured out Techno and Phil’s relationship in the third part, and while I like the Dream/George stuff, I will admit that shipping isn't my ideal reading (even if I can write it) and it did feel like I was cheating you all out of DNF content a bit until the end there.

If I could start again, idk what I’d change. It’s like 2 am rn. I just wanted to talk about Gawain and the Green Knight. Please do check the story out again because I think things will make more sense with a second reading. I’ll put a link to everything I mentioned below.

I also just want to thank you for being here on this journey. I’ve also mentioned before that I had a new year’s resolution both this year and last year to write 100,000 words, and while I completed it last year with 115,000, I doubled my writing amount this year and the end of this fic brings me to 215,000, which is insane. My total wordcount on AO3 is only slightly less than double that, which means these past two years on the platform has produced 80% of my total fanfiction to date. Again, it’s insane.

Thank you again for reading. I hope you enjoyed my rambling if you read this whole thing, but please don't be afraid to say you didn't lol. I get that literary references and introspection isn't for everyone, and it honestly isn't for me either. I write fiction better than essays and it shows in my grades, but either way I hope that this was comprehensive.

Thank you all again. Drive safe and message me when you get home. Happy end of 2020!

Links:

“Wake Me Up When September Ends” by SilverShadowBeliever : https://archiveofourown.org/works/852143

“he turns orange in the fall,”, Orphaned Work : https://archiveofourown.org/works/966375

“Out of Darkness” by Asidian : https://archiveofourown.org/works/6071196/chapters/13915320

“Gawain and the Green Knight” Free copy online :  https://www.poetryintranslation.com/PITBR/English/GawainAndTheGreenKnight.php#anchor_Toc178583491

Sparknotes reading of “Gawain and the Green Knight” (easier to understand than the free copy) : https://www.sparknotes.com/lit/gawain/

‘Allegory of Fortune’ by Salvator Rosa : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allegory_of_Fortune

Lindsay Ellis’ Game of Thrones video part 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hys_m3BPTS8&ab_channel=LindsayEllis

Part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGr0NRx3TKU&ab_channel=LindsayEllis

Also, bonus! I did a lot of painting (forgive me, I’m not great at it and didn't paint before 2020) to help block scenes and stuff when I was writing Archipelago so please enjoy my not very good but also I’m-quite-proud-of-these paintings. I’m mores posting them here as a neat little bonus, but also to do something with them other than have them in my desk draw lol. 

[queerchoicesblog]

Rooftop Talks (Platinum, F!Raleigh x MC)

Since I noticed so many fics starring M! Raleigh but none with F! Raleigh, here’s my attempt to fill that void. Inspired by the rooftop scene, this is my entry for the prompt “ honesty” of the @choicesjulychallenge hosted by @kinda-iconic !

In short, Raleigh and Rachel (Dorian, MC) grow closer as they make a habit of meeting on the abandoned building’s rooftop to avoid paparazzi and spend with each other. Then one night Rachel has a question for Raleigh...

Prompt: Honesty

Discalimer: mild use of bad words and hispano hablantes over here: I tried to incorporate some occasional Spanish in here - I wanted to incorporate that trait in Raleigh’s character- so please tell me if I messed something up with the language (I took Spanish classes ages ago) or in general and I’ll fix it!

Word Count: 2328

Perma Tag: @brightpinkpeppercorn @melodyofgraves @bhavf @abunchofbadchoices @silverhawkenzie @begging-for-kamilah @kennaxval @strangerofbraidwood @crazypeanat @desiree-0816 @universallypizzataco

F! Raleigh x MC Tag: @hellospunkiebrewster @furiouscloddonutpeanut

________________________

The night of the charity gala none of them would have expected it to happen again but Raleigh and Rachel made a habit to sneak away from the paparazzi and hide on the rooftop to catch some breath. They would chat and flirt, share takeaway food and views and suggestions about each other new songs. Some nights they would even bring their guitars and jam together: most of the times they would end up playing and singing their heart out silly hits of the past or campfire songs only to laugh till their cheeks hurt as if they were teens at a party their parents knew nothing about. Other nights they would be a soundboard for each other, especially Raleigh: she would listen to Rachel's ramblings and second-guessing herself and offer her advice: how to keep the tune on that note, a better rhyme, a few sick moves for her next video...even how to make the right impression during interviews, because Raleigh was a professional, not just her rebel stage persona, and she had been around journalists and paparazzi way more than the new sweet shining star. 

In return, Rachel would suggest new kinder strategies to deal with fame and fans or to call home every once in a while: even if she left when she was fifteen, she must have someone who missed her. The thought made Raleigh smile, but in a good way: it was almost painful to see how genuinely good the Dorian girl was.

"Are you homesick, Rachel?" she inquired to divert the question.

"Hm, not really, no...” she said, stirring her noodles as she considered her answer. "But I've lived with my parents longer than you did. I just wanted to break free and find a place of my own after I got my high school diploma. I mean, I love them but at a certain point in life, your roads need to part, so to speak, right? But you, it was different for you...that's why I asked. I hope I didn't overstep though"   Raleigh shrugged and took a bite of sesame chicken.

"I talked with dad a couple of weeks ago. It was his birthday, mom and the whole family squad set up a party for him. And just so you know, he hates parties. He's a good ol' grumpy fellow"

"Aw cool! I bet he's your number one fan even if maybe he doesn't show it much? I mean, your whole family should be your number one fan!"

"Nah, papi sticks and will always stick with the classics till the end of time and mamita y tìa were and still are -I guess- huge fans of Ricky Martin, el Rey del Pop Latino" Raleigh explained.

She didn't realize until the day after that she couldn't remember the last time she had talked about her family with someone. Everyone always asked her about future plans, career path, tips maybe, but private life? Never. Unless it meant asking out on dates, heavy flirting or scandalous gossips about a former lover. Only Rachel asked her about the life she had left behind in Puerto Rico and everybody had long lost interest in.

"You don't strike me as a fan of Ricky Martin" Dorian chuckled.

The R&B singer flashed her a wide grin.

"Not exactly, but thanks to them I can make quite a good impression of him. Wanna see it?"

"Is that even a question? Of course!"

Raleigh laughed and reached for her phone as the new star put down her empty food box and shifted to sit more comfortably. She scrolled down a YouTube playlist then her eyes met Rachel's again.

"You ready?"

As the young woman nodded she pressed play and ran her hand through her hair and produced her best puppy dog eyes, making Rachel laugh. She put down her phone and walked backward theatrically opening her arms.

Un, dos, tres Un pasito pa'lante María Un, dos, tres Un pasito pa' atrás

Then as the tune became more upbeat she produced herself in a complicated yet effortlessly fluid sequence of hands clapping, swirling and hips swaying. Latin Pop may have not been her favorite genre but damn, she owned the choreography just as she owned the stage during her shows.

Así es María Blanca como el día

She sang quickly stroking Rachel's cheek with one finger before spinning and turning away.

Pero es veneno si te quieres enamorar Así es María Tan caliente y fría Que si te la bebes de seguro te va a matar

After striking a dramatic pose, she winked just before bursting into laughter.

"Oh my God! That was everything, Raleigh!" Rachel enthusiastically applauded.

"Muchas gracias, nena" she said ruffling her hair and taking her seat beside her.

"Now I'm living to see a Ricky Martin and Raleigh Carrera duet"

Raleigh looked at her and snorted.

"I don't see it happening but paradoxically my team might love the idea so never say it out loud when they're around. Never!"

"A girl can dream, right?" Rachel shrugged and giggled.

All of a sudden way less bubbly considerations crossed her mind and she lost in her own train of thoughts. A girl can dream...she had repeated those few words in her head so many times lately. Every time Raleigh absentmindedly stroked her arms on a fake date, every time she caught her looking at her from afar, every time they kissed.

Then the night of the gala happened. When the two of them sneaked away and hopped on Raleigh's motorbike. She still remembered the cool breeze of the night caressing her skin as she held herself to her "girlfriend". That was a moment of rare perfection: the two of them finally alone and careless, the adrenaline of the ride, the warmth of "the R&B time bomb"'s body pressed against her. When they arrived on the rooftop and she admired the breathing view of New York skyline, her head almost started spinning, just like when Raleigh twirled her in her arms on the gala dance floor.

But what made her heart skip a beat was hearing Raleigh talking about that place, sharing memories of her past, when her teen self felt lost and lonely in the big city...and her project to turn the abandoned building into a community center for kids.

"You make me feel like I want to tell you things. I don't know why" Raleigh confessed that night.

That was when a familiar warmth settled into Rachel's chest. The same feeling she experienced when her high school crush caught her singing to herself in the auditorium and told her that she sounded like an angel and stopped to chat. She didn't ask her out before leaving - Rachel Dorian life had never been a romcom so far- but the little casual talk stole her younger self's breath away.

Rachel instinctively knew that Raleigh never shared that with anyone else. It was just her tone, the way she said it. And she couldn't remember a single interview or tweet mentioning it. So...Raleigh's walls were crumbling down? You don't share secrets, very private secrets with anyone!

Maybe I was just being paranoid as my usual...maybe I didn't misread the signs, she thought as Raleigh not only accepted but enthusiastically returned the kiss that followed. And took her to the railing, her lips never leaving hers or her neck.

But later...

Raleigh suddenly making a loud noise with her soda breaking her train of thoughts.

"Earth to Rachel"

Avery's protege turned to see her looking at her with a slightly amused grin on her face as she played with the straw.

"Sorry, I spaced out" Rachel smiled shyly, avoiding eye contact.

"No biggie. Just glad we're on the same planet again"

Rachel looked at her sideways: Raleigh was happily humming one of her latest songs. She seemed to be in a good mood, she always was in a good mood when she was on that rooftop. Or so Rachel could tell by what she saw over the past few weeks. Which lead her to summon up her courage and ask her a question that had been troubling her for a while.

"Why did you bring me here the night of the gala?"

Raleigh was probably caught off guard by that but concealed it well. She shrugged again and leaned down on the carpet, propping herself up on one elbow.

"I told you, I had to take a break from those stupid fraud activists and this is where I go to catch my breath. We were at the gala together so it made sense to ask you to join. Lie to me and tell me you don't like it here" she said, flashing her signature grin.

"Of course I do" Rachel gave a quick smile.

Maybe that's the problem. I like it here, when it's just the two of us, no one else in sight...probably I like it too much.

But this conversation was going nowhere. So she sighed and spoke again, hoping to find answers and hopefully reassurance:

"Our time is ticking out, right?"

When Raleigh looked up to her, the usual cheerfulness of Rachel had been replaced by what looked like...melancholy?

"What? It's barely midnight, the night is still young, Rachel!" she joked to clear the mood.

Then she gave another grin and reached to playfully bump the other girl's arm.

"I have a bad reputation in case you haven't noticed. You should know that I'm not the kind of girlfriend who respects nor gives a damn about curfews."

But Rachel didn't play along this time.

"That's not what I meant" she said as her eyes met Raleigh's again.

The Puerto Rican singer knew what she meant. The big issue that had been lingering between them for a while and that was written all over Rachel tired face. She felt a pang of pain at the thought of it and she decided to conceal it as she always did.

"Oh well who knows, Rachel? I haven't spoken to my PR manager about it on our last meeting"

But the other woman didn't seem satisfied with that brief explanation.

Raleigh grimaced and sat up. It actually hurt more than she thought. She reached for Rachel's hand.

"Hey, we both knew the deal. Start a fake relationship and get a career and reputation boost"

"It's all it is, huh?"

The Dorian girl looked at her with painful expectancy. Gosh, I knew this is what we would get out of this, Raleigh thought.

"Well, yes and no. I mean, I like you, Rachel, I'm glad we got closer. You're shockingly pleasant to have around, rising star. And you've been...well yeah so far you're the best fake girlfriend ever, seriously. I hope we will still be friends when this...you know..."

"Yeah, sure"

Rachel diverted her eyes as her chest tightened. She misread the signals, shit. She kept fantasizing and being oblivious of their current situation...but she couldn't blame Raleigh for it. That night, their first night on the rooftop, when the kisses grew hungry on the railing, the Puerto Rican star too soon parted and told her to follow her, she wanted to go on another ride on her bike. Rachel reached for her.

"We don't have to stop, you know..." she noted, gently stroking her hip.

"What? Too scared to admit you might be catching feelings?" she teased, since the other woman just stared at her in silence.

"Whoa, there. Let's not get crazy. I'm a seasoned professional" Raleigh interrupted her, walking backward.

What a stupid I am! What was I thinking? That she, Raleigh Carrera, might fall for me?, Rachel grimace, her face hidden from the R&B star's view. Your life is not a romcom, Dorian, and you have embarrassed yourself already. God, that night she might have...she totally thought I was taking advantage of the situation? Oh shit shit shit!

Her phone beeped. She picked it up as a deep blush spread on her face: Low battery warning.

"Rachel, are you okay?"

The girl didn't turn but she felt the weight of Raleigh's concerned gaze over her.

"Yeah, I'm good...I just-I just forgot that I have a meeting with Avery early tomorrow. Very early. Like dawn"

"Why so early?" Raleigh gave her a quizzical look.

"Oh it's Fiona's doing actually" she said as she stood in a swift motion and gathered up her belongings. "She just want to introduce us to some yoga routine or something like that. She said it stimulates creativity... the point is I gotta go. I'm sorry"

She gave a quick apologetic smile and moved towards the staircases.

"Oh, okay" Raleigh was visibly confused by the sudden change in her "girlfriend". "Do you want me to give yo-"

"No no, I know the way! I'll call a cab!"

Before she opened the metal door leading downstairs, Raleigh spoke again.

"You sure, you're okay though? Did I say something wrong? About the-"

Rachel stopped and slightly turned her head.

"No, of course not. It's just...my silly little head that keeps forgetting things. How things go. Buenas noches, Raleigh"

That said she speed up down the stairs and only the echo of the door resounded on the rooftop, "their place", before the other woman could say goodnight back.

Something doesn't add up, Raleigh thought, still struggling to make a sense of the last few minutes. What did I-

Then her eyes fell on the purple guitar she gave Rachel sitting not far from the wooden bench. Dorian jealously kept her ever since the first day they met. She wore it on every show, even in the music video they filmed together. She even caught her smiling down at it as she strummed a new melody. She really made her happy with her guitar: Rachel would never go anywhere without it, even the press noticed...and now it was there. Did she forget?

"Oh crap!" Raleigh sprinted to the staircases and opened the door, calling her name.

"Rachel hold on, your guitar! Rachel!"

But her words were welcomed by silence only.

[pikapeppa]

FenHawke & Cullavellan pirate AU: Together

Chapter 21 of Where The Winds Of Fortune Take Me is up on AO3! It’s a long chapter; read here on AO3!

In which Fenris and Rynne have an unexpected encounter in Afsaana on the Rialto Bay. 

A housekeeping note: our wonderful creator and artist @schoute is busy now with Real Life Things, so our art components of the story will be less frequent! YOU’RE STUCK WITH WORDS ONLY.

******************

- RYNNE -

Rynne hopped off the rowboat and onto the dock, then looked around in fascination. Afsaana was the most unusual town she had ever seen. Not to say she had much experience with new places – Rialto was still the only other town she’d seen aside from Kirkwall – but still, a town whose charming stilted homes climbed up the surrounding tree-covered hills and into the verdant mountains seemed unusual to her naive eye. 

“Another town, another adventure!” she said cheerfully. She clasped her hands and looked excitedly at Fenris, Anders, Varric and Dorian. “So what is there to do here? What do you recommend?” 

Sera ran over to join them. “Oi! Got a word from a barmaid who got it from a beachcomber who got it from some kid with a fish. Darts competition at The Bed and The Bucket, the pot’s twenty royals! Last one there’s already lost!” She ran away without waiting for an answer.

Anders shrugged. “Not a bad pot. I think I’d have a pretty good chance at that.” 

“Darts in a tavern? That’s hardly original,” Dorian said disdainfully. He carefully smoothed a crease from his silk pants as he stepped onto the dock. “There’s a marvelous tailor in the upper town square. I’m going straight there. Fenris, you should join me.”

Fenris grunted. “I don’t need tailored clothing. It is a wasteful expense.” 

Dorian tutted. “My friend, you’re a pirate. Every coin you spend should be a wasteful expense.”

Varric patted Dorian’s elbow. “Ah, let the elf off the hook, huh? He has barely any coin at all. Not since the gambling incident in Rialto.” He grinned at Rynne. 

Rynne winced apologetically at Fenris, who was crouched on the dock tying the rowboat in place. “I’m still sorry about that, by the way. Funny how quickly an entire pouch of coin disappears when you’re playing wicked grace for the first time while, er, drunk.”

Fenris finished tying off the boat, then stood up. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. It was worth–” He broke off with a frown. “It’s fine.”

Varric smirked, and Dorian folded his arms. “Let me get this straight,” he said archly. “A perfectly tailored garment is a wasteful expense, but allowing the Lady Luck’s assistant surgeon to fritter away all of your coin during a debauched night of gambling is justifiable?”

Fenris’s scowl deepened. Rynne laughed and fanned herself. “Dorian, don’t you know that no one can resist my charms? It’s not Fenris’s fault that I batted my eyelashes and divested him of his coin.” She sidled up to Dorian and slipped her hand through his elbow. “In fact, since you’re clearly swimming in silver, Piper mentioned that there’s a lovely bookshop in this town that’s screaming for a visit…”

Dorian snorted in amusement and unhooked her arm from his. “A solid try, my dear Hawke, but you’re barking up the wrong tree.”

She widened her eyes. “How can you be the wrong tree when you’re such a delight to look at? The divine hair, the perfect wardrobe, the exquisite complexion…”

Anders coughed out a laugh at her ostentatious compliments, and Dorian rolled his eyes. “You and your flattery,” he scolded. “It’s positively shameful.” He dug a silver out of his fine leather coin pouch and flicked it at her. 

She grinned as she caught the coin. “And yet you keep rewarding me,” she said. Then she turned to Fenris and ceremoniously held out the coin. 

“A start on repaying my debt to you,” she said mock-seriously. 

“Excuse me,” Dorian protested. “If I knew you’d waste that by giving it to him, I wouldn’t have handed it over.”

Fenris raised an eyebrow, then unfolded his arms and took the coin from her hand. “As long as this aggravates Dorian, I am happy to accept.”

Dorian tutted, then tapped Varric’s shoulder. “You’ll come to the tailor with me, won’t you?”

“No can do, Sparkler,” Varric said affably. “I’ve got business to attend to. At that bookshop, in fact,” he said to Rynne. “You’re welcome to tag along.”

“I wanted to look for a particular volume too, actually,” Anders said. “I’ll come with you.” He looked at Rynne hopefully. “Coming, Hawke?” 

Fenris folded his arms and shifted closer to her. “There is a group of Rivaini dancers who perform regularly at this time in the lower town square,” he said quietly. 

She looked at him excitedly. “Dancing? Really?” She tilted her head. “You enjoy watching the dancers? Are they sexy dancers?” She wiggled her eyebrows salaciously. 

He shrugged. “I simply thought you might be interested.” 

It was on the tip of Rynne’s tongue to say yes, but for a split second, she hesitated. She’d recently started wondering if she was spending too much time with Fenris. During her first couple of weeks on the Lady Luck, it had become her habit to spend most of her spare time with him. But given their conflicting desires – or rather, the fact that Rynne’s desires weren’t reciprocated – gravitating toward Fenris was becoming more painful than pleasant, almost like drinking too much of that spicy hot chocolate that Merrill made sometimes. In truth, Rynne would probably be better off going to the bookshop with Varric and Anders instead of spending more agonizing time alone with the object of her unrequited affections. 

It was too late, though. Her tongue had hesitated for long enough, and her heart butted in and took the reins before her brain could step in. “Of course I’m interested,” she said to Fenris. “Dancers it is.” She grimaced apologetically at Anders and Varric. “Maybe we’ll find you at the bookshop later.” 

Anders shrugged. “I’ll likely be at The Bed and The Bucket by then. Winning the pot out from under Sera’s nose.”

Varric chuckled. “You, beat the expert archer at a darts competition? Those are some big dreams, Blondie.”

“Ouch,” Anders deadpanned. “That hurts my feelings. Sort of.”

Dorian sighed dramatically. “And the handsome Tevinter goes to the tailor on his own. I see how it is.” He began to saunter away. “If I don’t return to the Lady Luck, please tell our dear Captain that it’s because you all abandoned me.” 

“Will it make it better if I promise to compliment your ass in your new trousers?” Rynne called after him. 

“Not now that I know your compliments won’t be genuine,” Dorian yelled back. 

Rynne snickered, then smiled up at Fenris. “All right, let’s go see these sexy dancers.” 

“I never said they were sexy,” Fenris said calmly. “That was your assumption.”

“But you didn’t deny it,” she said slyly. 

Anders clicked his tongue. “Come on, Varric, let’s go,” he said. The two of them made their way along the dock toward the upper section of the town. 

Fenris gazed disdainfully at Anders’s departing back, then gestured toward the boardwalk that wound away toward the west. “The lower town square is this way.” 

She beamed at him. “Lead the way, O Handsome Escort.”

They walked along the boardwalk side-by-side, and Rynne shoved her hands into her pockets to stop herself from accidentally holding his hand like she wanted so badly to do. As was the case in Rialto, the boardwalk was busy with all sorts of people of every age and race: pirates from everywhere in Thedas trading news and insults, elven and dwarven artisans peddling their wares and unloading goods from their boats, barefoot elven children racing around everyone’s knees, and even a number of qunari. 

Rynne studied the tall horned people as subtly as she could without staring. “I’ve never seen so many qunari before,” she confided to Fenris. “Actually, Kaaras is the first qunari I ever met.”

“I assumed as much,” Fenris replied. “Although technically, Kaaras is not qunari. Most of the horned people you see here are not qunari.”

Rynne’s eyes widened. “Wha–? What do you mean, they’re not qunari?”

“‘Qunari’ is the word for people of any race who follow the Qun. Their religion, so to speak, or their rule of law,” Fenris explained. “Kaaras left the Qun, so he is what they would call ‘tal-vashoth’.”

Rynne frowned thoughtfully. “So if I converted to the Qun, I would be a qunari?”

“You would, yes,” Fenris said. Then he smirked. 

She tilted her head quizzically. “What’s funny?”

“The idea of you converting to the Qun,” he said. “It would be a poor fit.”

“Why?” she asked curiously.

He rubbed his mouth, then smirked at her again. “Because the qunari do as they are told.”

Rynne barked out a laugh. “Excuse me!” she exclaimed in mock offense. “I do what I’m told if it makes sense! I’m learning to fight quite well, aren’t I? Look, I even have my dagger on my thigh for easy access and my coin purse near the front.” She pointed at the embossed pouch that Carver had sent her, then tucked her thumbs confidently into her belt and raised her chin. “No one’s pickpocketing this girl.”

Fenris’s handsome smirk widened slightly. “True enough,” he conceded. “Still, you would make a poor qunari.”

Rynne elbowed him playfully. “Fenris, are you trying to compliment me in a very odd way?”

To her surprise, he didn’t make the expected witty brush-off. Instead, he slowly rubbed his chin.

“I… perhaps I am, yes,” he said.

Rynne stared at him, her humour swiftly fading as she studied the oddly serious look on his face. She genuinely hadn’t expected him to agree with her. 

Wait. What did it even mean that he wanted to compliment her?

Her mouth was dry. She swallowed hard and gazed at him, waiting and hoping and wishing for him to say something more. But he wasn’t looking at her, and the tips of his ears were turning pink. 

For some reason, his unusual sign of nerves rendered her nervous.

Quick, change the subject, she thought. “How do you know so much about qunari?” she asked brightly. 

His shoulders instantly loosened, and he finally looked at her again. “They have been in conflict with Tevinter for many years,” he said. He narrowed his eyes. “You don’t know of this?”

She pointed at herself and grimaced. “Naive noble girl, remember?”

He shot her a chiding glance before replying. “People often spoke of the conflict in the streets of Minrathous. I had little else to do but listen and fight when my master commanded.” He shrugged, but his expression was slowly becoming bitter. “Besides, to be a slave is to be invisible. You can learn a great deal from simply standing around while your master and his cronies loosen their lips in your presence.”

Rynne nodded sympathetically. “That reminds me of going to parties at my mother’s friends’ houses. Especially when I was small. Bethany and I were always told to sit up straight, smile and nod, but not to speak unless we were spoken to.” She adopted a mocking high-pitched voice. “‘Children should be seen and not heard’. Have you heard that before?”

He looked at her in surprise. “I… not in the common tongue, no.”

“Ah. Well.” She shot him a dark look. “It doesn’t make for a very fun childhood, I can tell you that. But you’re right: people do share some rather scandalous secrets around you when they think you’re just a mindless ornamental doll.” 

Fenris was silent. When Rynne looked at him quizzically, he was frowning. 

All of a sudden, she realized what she was accidentally implying. Horrified, she clapped her hands over her mouth. “Oh Maker,” she blurted. “That’s not to say I’m – I don’t mean I was anything like a slave, I don’t mean that, what you went through was far worse than– oh, fuck me sideways.” She buried her burning face in her hands. “I’m an idiot,” she lamented. “I’m so sorry, Fenris.”

“No,” he said quietly. “Don’t apologize. You present an interesting perspective. And a valuable one.”

She chanced a peek at him through her fingers, then slowly lowered her hands. He didn’t look angry; in fact, he was studying her with a soft and thoughtful little frown that made her treacherous heart thump.

“I believe I owe you an apology, in fact,” he said.

“What?” she said dumbly. “What for?”

He ran a hand through his hair. “When we first met, I… I made assumptions about you based on your family’s wealth.”

She relaxed. “Oh. Well, that’s all right, most people–”

He held up a hand to stop her. “I thought you would be a burden on the ship,” he said bluntly. “That you would turn tail and run back to Kirkwall when the thrill of adventure was outweighed by the hardship of a sailor’s life.” He plucked idly at the red ribbon around his wrist. “You are not what I expected.”

“Oh,” she said stupidly. Then she swallowed hard. His gorgeous green eyes were steady on her face, and something about the intensity of his expression was making her feel extremely nervous. 

She dropped her gaze and awkwardly rubbed her nose. “Well, I, um… I rather like the idea of being underestimated.”

He drew back slightly in surprise. “Why?”

She shrugged and tucked her hands in her pockets. “If people expect nothing of you, then you can really surprise the shit out of them,” she said. “It makes their shock all the more enjoyable.” Then she remembered one of her favourite quotes from Swords and Shields – one that was actually relevant to the situation. 

She straightened and smiled at Fenris. “‘No fire burns brighter than the one you never expected’,” she said proudly. “That’s something that Varric wrote, and he’s one of the smartest people I know.” 

Fenris stared at her incredulously for a moment. “That is… a very optimistic point of view,” he finally said.

Rynne let out a little self-deprecating laugh. “I know. I’m insufferable. You don’t have to say it.” She unconsciously lifted her left hand to tuck her hair behind her ear. 

Fenris grabbed her wrist before she could touch her scar.

Her eyes darted up to meet his. And suddenly she realized how close they were. There was a mere handspan of space between them, and his handsome face was just a few inches from hers.

A sudden, breathless rush of hope shoved her heart straight into her throat. As the milling people on the boardwalk moved blithely around them, Rynne stood frozen with her wayward eyes on Fenris’s lips and her breath stalled in her lungs and his warm strong fingers wrapped around her wrist. 

An hour later – or maybe it was just two seconds – he released her wrist and stepped away from her. He dropped his gaze and ran a hand through his hair. “We should, er. We should move on,” he said. “We will miss the dancers.”

Her heart dropped from her throat straight through her chest to settle heavily in her stomach. “Right, right,” she said quickly. “Um, let’s go.”

They made their way along the boardwalk in an increasingly uncomfortable silence, and Rynne tried hard to quell her disappointment. It was her own fault for assuming… something about how close they’d been standing and how complimentary Fenris was being. Besides, it wasn’t like friends couldn’t compliment each other. Rynne was constantly complimenting everyone on the Lady Luck, and it wasn’t like she was interested in any of them. 

But friends don’t stare at each other’s mouths like that, a sneaky part of her mind whispered. 

She ignored the little voice. It was pointless. Fenris had said he wanted to be just friends, and that was the end of it.

A couple of minutes later, they were standing in the midst of a cheering and clapping crowd as they watched a troupe of six beautiful Rivaini women spinning and twirling to the driving rhythm of a drum and a stringed instrument Rynne had never seen before. The atmosphere was bright and cheerful, and Rynne gratefully allowed her mood to be buoyed up by the music and the wonderful dancers. 

She clapped along to the drumbeat and leaned toward Fenris, who was watching the performance with a small frown. “I think I should learn to dance like that,” she yelled over the noise. “It would come in handy for my combat training.”

He glanced at her. “How, pray tell?”

“The rolling,” she replied. “And the flexibility. I could bend over backwards to dodge a sword, then roll behind them and, er…” 

Fenris raised a skeptical eyebrow, and Rynne laughed. “All right, fine, you caught me. I just want to learn a sexy dance.”

“That strikes me as the last thing you should be learning,” he drawled.

She elbowed him playfully. “Says the man who choreographs dance routines while running from deck to deck on the Lady Luck.”

He shot her a chiding smirk. “You will never let that go, will you?”

“Never,” she said with relish. She jerked her head at the dancers. “You know, I could imagine you learning these dances. The half-naked bodies and the fluttering scarves…” She grinned salaciously. 

He huffed and folded his arms. “And I could imagine Dorian exchanging his fine silk garments for a burlap bag. That doesn’t mean it will happen.”

She snorted with laughter at the absurd idea, then watched the dancers for a moment longer before glancing at Fenris again. Then she stopped clapping and stared at him in alarm. His expression was blank with shock. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

He didn’t reply. His shoulders were stiff and his fingers were clenched, and his gaze was fixed on someone on the other side of the dancing circle. 

Rynne tried to see who he was looking at, but there were so many people that there was no way to tell. She looked at Fenris once more with growing anxiety. “Fenris, what’s the–”

“Vishante kaffas,” he hissed. He grabbed her hand and started pulling her along behind him. 

Her heart leapt into her throat again, but with panic this time. He was moving swiftly and confidently through the crowd without jostling anyone, clearly in an effort to not draw undue attention. When they reached the edge of the crowd, Fenris stopped short and released her hand. 

She opened her mouth to speak, but he held up a hand to silence her, and she dutifully closed her mouth and watched his eyes. He was glaring fiercely at someone across the square, and through the thinned crowd, Rynne thought she might now be able to tell who he was watching: a figure about her height wearing a nondescript brown hooded cloak and carrying an equally nondescript haversack. 

The hooded person disappeared through the door of an inn called The Gull and Lantern, and Fenris dragged a hand through his hair. “Venhedis. Fasta vass,” he cursed. 

Rynne watched with growing apprehension as he started to pace. “Fenris,” she said quietly, “who was that?”

He clenched his fingers in his hair for a moment, then glared at her. “That was my sister.”

Rynne froze for a second. A sister? A sister? “You have a sister?” she demanded.

“Yes,” he bit off. “She… kaffas. I have not seen her in years. Not since she…” He trailed off and continued to pace. “What is she doing here?” he muttered. 

Rynne took a step closer to him. “Slow down for me,” she pleaded. “You… she… you didn’t expect to see her here?” She knew her question was stupid and vague, but for Maker’s fucking sake, Fenris had a sister? How had he never mentioned this before?

“No,” he snapped. “The last time I saw her, she was leaving Minrathous with her blasted merchant lover. She should be in Qarinus with him. Why…” He trailed off and rubbed a hand through his hair again, and with a pang, Rynne realized that he was starting to look distinctly worried. 

She ran a soothing hand along his arm. “Fenris–”

He flinched away from her. Actually physically recoiled from her touch. 

A childish pang of hurt rose through her chest. She ruthlessly shoved it away and folded her hands behind her back. “Do you want to go in and talk to her?” she asked.  

“I… don’t know,” he said. “I didn’t… I never expected to see her again. Certainly not outside of Tevinter.” He rubbed his mouth, and with a heart-wrenching pang, Rynne realized his hand was shaking. 

She squared her shoulders. “All right. Let’s go talk to her,” she said confidently.

He looked sharply at her. “What?”

She met his eyes steadily. “We’re going into that inn to talk to her.” 

He swallowed hard, then dropped her gaze. “You don’t have to… I don’t need your help,” he muttered.

Rynne studied his tensely hunched shoulders. He looked so defensive and angry and… and scared. Fenris was the bravest man she’d ever met, and he was scared to confront his sister. 

She took a step closer to him. “You stood by me while I had that shitty conversation with Carver,” she said. “I’m coming with you to talk to your sister.” She smiled at him. “Hopefully it’ll go better than my talk with Carv, though. Who knows, maybe you’ll just end up having a nice chat over tea and cakes–”

“This is not a joke,” he hissed.

Rynne didn’t flinch. “I know that,” she said steadily. “That’s why I’m coming with you. You don’t need to do this alone, Fenris.”

He glared at her for a moment longer, then dropped his gaze once more and ran his hands through his hair. Finally he dropped his hands to his sides and exhaled sharply. “All right,” he said. “All right. I… let’s… we will speak to her.”

Rynne nodded and fell into step with him as he strode toward The Gull and Lantern. He pushed open the door to reveal a small but clean pub with simple wooden tables and benches and surprisingly ornate stained glass windows. 

Rynne stepped inside with Fenris and looked around. “Now where–”

“Leto?”

Fenris looked up, and Rynne followed his gaze. The brown-cloaked figure had thrown back her hood, revealing an elven woman around Rynne’s age with dark red hair and familiar green eyes.

“Varania?” Fenris croaked.

A smile burst across the woman’s face, and she ran toward Fenris and threw herself at him in a hug. Fenris stumbled back in shock but hugged her in return, and Rynne watched with a bittersweet ache as the siblings embraced. 

Varania pulled away and roughly wiped her eyes. “I can’t believe it’s you,” she said. “Venhedis, it’s been so many years. It’s good to see you.”

“What are you doing here?” he demanded. “I didn’t… why aren’t you in Qarinus with that – with Ahriman?” 

“He is here with me,” she said. “He’s in the upper part of the town on business, so we don’t have long.” She took Fenris’s arm and pulled him to a nearby table.

Rynne followed them in silence, and she couldn’t help but feel a bit relieved when Fenris gestured for her to sit on the bench before he took a seat himself. “Hawke, this is my sister Varania,” he said. 

Rynne smiled at Varania. “It’s lovely to meet you,” she said. 

Varania smiled and nodded to her, then turned back to Fenris and lowered her voice. “I was hoping to escape Ahriman while on this trip,” she told him. “I stole some of his fine jewelry and I tried to sell it in town, but the merchant would only give me a fraction of its value. It’s not enough for me to buy passage on a ship to Llomeryn.”

Fenris stared at her. “You… you want to escape? I thought you loved Ahriman.”

Varania’s face twisted. “Perhaps I did, once. But no more. He’s a cruel man, Leto.” 

Leto? Rynne thought in confusion. Why was Varania calling Fenris by a different name? But it didn’t feel appropriate to ask, given the urgency of the situation.

Varania was still talking in a quiet, urgent tone. “I cannot stay with him any longer, but I haven’t the coin to escape him like I had planned. I don’t know what I am going to do.” A tear ran down her face, and she quickly wiped it away. 

“Take my coin,” Fenris said immediately. He reached for his coin pouch, then paused. “Kaffas,” he muttered. He exhaled heavily and bowed his head. “I am almost out of coin. Still, you can have–”

“Take mine,” Rynne interrupted. She reached down to her belt and unstrapped the leather purse that Carver had given her. 

“Hawke, no,” Fenris said sharply. “We don’t need–”

“It’s not charity,” she said firmly. “It’s payback. Really, I should have given this to you as soon as I got it.” She gazed seriously into his eyes. “Besides, some things are more important than coin.” 

He hesitated and glanced at Varania’s desperate face, then exhaled and nodded. “Thank you,” he said softly. “I… thank you.” 

She shook her head dismissively. “No thanks needed. If Varania gets free from this merchant fellow, that’s more than worth everything in this pouch.” She shot Fenris an apologetic look. “Do you mind giving Varania your pouch, though? I’m rather attached to mine…”

“Ah. Of course,” Fenris said distractedly. He held out his pouch, and Rynne pretended not to notice how his hands were shaking as she transferred the coin from her pouch to his. 

He held out the pouch to Varania, and she swiftly pocketed it before clasping Fenris’s hand in hers. “Thank you, brother,” she said fervently. “But you should go before Ahriman returns. If he sees me speaking to another man, even my brother, I–”

“Wait,” Fenris interrupted. “You should join the Lady Luck.”

Varania’s eyes went wide. “The… what?”

Rynne perked up. “Ooh yes, that’s a wonderful idea,” she enthused. “That’s the escape right there! It’s perfect!”

Varania was looking distinctly worried now. “What is the Lady Luck?” she asked. 

“I belong to a pirate crew now,” Fenris told her. “The Lady Luck is the ship. The Captain is Dalish and very fair. If you join the crew, you will never have to worry about your safety again.” He leaned across the table. “I will keep you safe.” 

To Rynne’s surprise, Varania’s expression became slightly hard. “Leto…”

“I will keep you safe,” he insisted. “As long as we remain together, I can keep you safe.”

Rynne shot him a sharp look. That attitude was familiar.

“Come with us now,” Fenris insisted. “We’ll go back to the ship without delay. Ahriman will never know we were here.”

Varania was starting to look scared. “I – but – he’ll return any minute,” she stammered. “What if he sees us as we’re leaving?” She clutched Fenris’s hand. “He scares me, Leto. If he catches me, he’ll kill me. He will kill you, too.”

“I should like to see him try,” Fenris snarled. “He may be a powerful merchant in Qarinus. But here, he is but a man who sweats like any other when death comes for him.”

Varania’s eyes darted from Fenris to the door and back. “I – let’s – let’s wait until he has come back and seen me here,” she suggested breathlessly. “He will go out on business again, and once he is gone, I will meet you.”

Fenris scowled. “I don’t like it,” he said. “He could harm you in the meantime.”

Varania’s expression grew even more desperate, and Rynne gently squeezed his arm. “Let’s try what Varania suggested,” she said. “If she thinks she’ll be all right for an hour or two, then we should trust her.”

Fenris’s scowl deepened. Then he sighed and leaned back. “All right. Meet us at the docks in two hours,” he said sternly to Varania. “If you are not there in two hours, I will return here for you.”

“All right. Two hours,” she said. She hurried around the table and hugged Fenris once more. “Now go, quickly. Before he sees you.” She nodded to Hawke, then turned and ran up the stairs to the upper level of the inn.

Rynne frowned slightly as she and Fenris rose from the table, but she held her tongue as they stepped back into the sunshine and noise of the lower town square. Fenris was silent as they picked their way through the crowded square and back to the boardwalk, and Rynne didn’t bother to ask where they were going. She knew Fenris was headed back to the docks, and that he would wait there for the full two hours until Varania appeared. 

If she appeared. Which Rynne was starting to have some doubts about. But how was she supposed to say that to Fenris when he was so determined to protect his sister?

His handsome face was tight with worry and anger as they made their silent way toward the docks, and once again, Rynne was forced to keep her hands in her pockets to stop herself from taking his hand. Once they were at the boundary of the docks closest to the town square, Fenris led her over to a corner near some old barrels and ropes, then leaned against the brick wall of the adjacent building and folded his arms to wait. 

Rynne, meanwhile, seated herself on the barrel closest to him. She idly picked at her nails for a moment, then awkwardly tugged her ear. “So. Um… Afsaana seems, er, nice so far.” 

He didn’t reply or look at her. Rynne nervously nibbled the inside of her cheek as she tried to find something to say. Something other than I think your sister is up to something, that was. 

Finally she shuffled off of the barrel. “Are you hungry? I’ll find us a–”

“Don’t leave,” he said. 

She looked at him, and a pang of tenderness squeezed her heart. Fenris was finally looking at her, and his expression was so vulnerable–

And in a blink of an eye, it was gone. He rubbed his mouth, and when he looked at her again, his usual frown was back in place. “Stay here,” he said sternly. “It is safer if we remain together.”

That’s what he had said to his sister. And with a sudden flash of realization, Rynne’s heart broke. 

This, was why Fenris didn’t want to be with her. He saw her as a sister. Maker’s balls, how fucking horrible was that?

She slowly seated herself on the barrel again, then looked away from him and pretended to be watching some seagulls while she blinked back her tears. Once the ache in her throat had abated and she was reasonably certain she wouldn’t start crying on him for no apparent reason, she turned to face him. 

“Tell me about Varania,” she said bluntly. 

Fenris shot her a look of surprise, and she shrugged. “Come on, we have two hours to kill. So tell me about her.”

He eyed her for a moment longer, then shifted his weight slightly and looked out at the bay. “She is three years younger than me. Almost your age,” he said to Rynne. “When Danarius took us from our mother, she was killed in the commotion.”

“Danarius is… was your former master’s name?” she said softly. 

He nodded. “From the day we were taken, we made a pact to never be separated. I swore to her that I would protect her at all cost. And I did, for years. I…” He took a deep breath. “Danarius threatened her regularly. He said he would harm her if I didn’t do as I was told. So I did what he told me.” He folded his arms more tightly. “I mastered every weapon he handed me, and I kneeled at his feet and served his wine during his cursed parties. As I got older and stronger, he…” He took a deep breath, then closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall. “He took me to his lyrium mines and forced me to police the other slaves who worked there.”

“What do you mean?” Rynne whispered. 

He swallowed hard and didn’t open his eyes. “If the other slaves weren’t working hard enough for his liking, he forced me to beat them. To push them harder. Some of them died because of my actions. He told me to hurt them, so I did.” He exhaled heavily. “Proditor, they called me. It means ‘traitor’,” he said quietly. “And they were right. But I… I had no choice. Or… I thought I didn’t.” 

Rynne exhaled. It felt as though someone had punched her in the stomach. If she felt this terrible hearing his story, how must he be feeling?

He looked so sad and exhausted. Rynne nibbled her lip for a moment.

Fuck it, she thought. Then she reached out and took his hand. 

He opened his eyes and looked at her, but he didn’t pull away. So Rynne placed his hand in her lap and squeezed it with both of hers. 

He swallowed again and looked away from her, and for a moment they were silent as Rynne simply held his hand. 

Eventually she broke the silence. “You said Varania ran away with that merchant. This Ahriman fellow. What… what happened?” 

He blew out a breath. “Ahriman was in business with Danarius. He purchases lyrium and sells it in the cities. I can’t say I know exactly how it happened or when, but Varania fell in love with Ahriman and convinced him to buy her from Danarius.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair. “This was three years ago. She barely took the time to say goodbye. In the space of a single day, she was gone, and I was…” He trailed off.

You were alone, Rynne thought. She firmly squeezed his hand.

He rubbed his face. “I don’t understand it,” he muttered. “To this day, I don’t understand why she left.” He pulled his hand from Rynne’s and started to pace. “I kept her safe. She was safe with me. We were – she was all I had. I thought…” He trailed off and shook his head. “Clearly I was wrong.”

Rynne watched his pacing with an aching heart. This whole situation – the sister leaving on an apparent whim, and the brother being angry at her departure… it was all starting to feel too familiar. 

She licked her lips nervously before speaking. “Maybe there was something else going on that you didn’t know about,” she said.

He shot her a sharp look and continued to pace. “What are you talking about?”

“I mean…” She took a deep, bracing breath. “Me and Carver. He had no idea what my mother did to me. He still doesn’t.”

Fenris spun on her. “I am not your brother,” he snapped. “I paid attention. I kept her safe!”

Rynne studied his angry face with an aching heart. “You can’t protect someone from everything, Fenris,” she said softly. “I… it’s just not possible. And that’s not your fault.”

He ran both his hands through his hair. “I tried. I…”

“I know you did,” she said. She reached out and took his hand once more. “And it’s not your fault if it didn’t work.”

“She left,” he yelled suddenly. “She…” Then he broke off and met her eye, and some of the rage in his face started to melt. 

So did I, Rynne thought with a wrench of guilt. She swallowed hard, then looked down at their hands. 

His skin was darker than hers, but the tattoos were so much paler. Rynne carefully twined her fingers with his, and he allowed it. 

They fell silent for some time. Rynne didn’t look at Fenris, and he didn’t look at her, but their clasped hands remained resting peacefully on her lap. 

Once again, it was Rynne who broke the silence. “Fenris,” she said quietly. “I’m… a little worried about this plan.”

He frowned at her. “What do you mean?”

She winced. “I don’t think… I’m not sure Varania is coming.”

He drew away slightly. “Why would you say that?”

“I just…” She shrugged apologetically. “Well, I noticed that she didn’t ask how you escaped from Tevinter.”

To her great regret, he pulled his hand out of hers. “And?” he said sharply.

“That’s the first thing you asked her,” Rynne pointed out gently. “You wanted to know how she got here and if she was safe. But the first thing she said to you was that she needed money.” She shrugged. “If I ran into Carver for the first time in years out of the blue, I’d want to know everything about what he’d been up to. I wouldn’t tell him I needed money. That would be the last thing on my mind.”

Fenris glared at her, then shook his head and started pacing again, and Rynne wilted. She shouldn’t have said anything. 

She tried to reach for him again. “Fenris, look. Let’s just–”

He roughly shrugged her off. “Why are you here, then?” he snarled. “If you think she is not coming, what are you doing here?” He waved angrily at her. “Why are you… why–”

“You mean aside from the fact that you told me to stay?” she said archly. “You really think I’d fucking leave you here by yourself?”

He closed his mouth and stared at her, and she shot him an exasperated look. “Fenris, please. You can’t really think I’d walk away and leave you to wait all alone.” She folded her legs up on the barrel. “Do you know how long we’ve been waiting already, though? I honestly might get hungry before she shows up.”

He continued to stare at her for another moment, and Rynne watched painfully as his expression shifted from anger to a heartbreaking sort of bewilderment before he turned away from her. 

She took a few deep breaths to control her own emotions. Eventually Fenris came to lean against the wall beside her again, and when Rynne looked at him, he actually appeared quite calm. 

He glanced at her. “I would like to wait for her,” he said quietly. 

“Of course,” Rynne said immediately. She unfolded her legs and swung them idly for a moment, then looked at Fenris again. “Seriously though. I don’t suppose you’re carrying any snacks?”

He huffed and folded his arms. “Shut up, Hawke.”

Rynne glanced cautiously at him, then smiled in relief. He was smirking at her, and she was more than pleased to see his sense of humour reappearing, despite the tense situation. 

But his smirk was short-lived. It slowly faded away until Fenris was no longer smiling, but just gazing at her. Just… just studying her, staring into her eyes with those piercing and beautiful emerald eyes of his–

“There she is. The wench with the coin to spare.”

Rynne and Fenris looked up. Two large human men and a qunari – no, a tal-vashoth – were approaching them with a distinctly hostile air. 

Fenris stepped away from the wall, and the dark-haired man sneered at him. “Stay out of it, knife-ear. No one needs to get hurt. Not unless they ask for it.” 

Fenris narrowed his eyes, and Rynne swallowed hard as her heart started to race. She crossed her legs demurely and gave the men a winning smile. “Gentlemen, please, there’s no need for threats. What can we do for you today?”

The dark-haired man and the tal-vashoth raised their eyebrows at her manners. The second man frowned and took an aggressive step toward her. “We saw you at The Gull,” he said in an Orlesian accent. “You gave that rabbit a pouch of coin.”

Fenris froze at the mention of Varania. The Orlesian man kept talking to Rynne. “If you have that much silver to spare for a rabbit, then you must have more.”

Rynne widened her eyes dramatically and pressed her hand to her chest. “You didn’t harm our friend at the inn, did you?” she said plaintively. 

The Orlesian man lifted his chin belligerently and didn’t reply, but his dark-haired friend did. “The bitch was gone when we went to grab ‘er.” 

The Orlesian man glared at the dark-haired one. “Shut up, Julian,” he snarled. “Don’t just tell them what they want to know.”

Fenris shifted very slightly, and Rynne sighed in relief – loudly, to call the thugs’ attention to herself and away from Fenris. “Well, I’m so glad that our friend is all right,” she simpered. “Please, we don’t want any trouble. I do happen to have an emergency stock of coin, but… oh, I’m so terribly embarrassed. It’s in my bust.” 

All three of the men snapped to attention. “What?” the tal-vashoth said flatly. 

She blinked innocently at them. “It’s in my bust,” she repeated more loudly. She slid off of the barrel and took a casual step closer to the big Orlesian man. “If you don’t mind, I just need to…” She reached for the neckline of her shirt and started slowly undoing the laces. 

The Orlesian man took a small step closer to her. Then Fenris stabbed the dark-haired man in the neck. 

The dark-haired man let out a strangled cry. Fenris stabbed him twice more, and the man stumbled to his knees. 

The Orlesian whipped around to look, and Rynne kicked him hard in the balls. 

He doubled over with a groan, and the tal-vashoth recoiled in surprise. “Vashedan,” he snarled, and he pulled a sword from his belt. 

Rynne whipped her dagger from its sheath and skipped out of their reach. A split second later, Fenris was standing in front of her with his own dagger drawn. 

“Did I do the right thing?” she asked him breathlessly. “I can’t decide–”

“You did fine,” he growled. “Stay back. I will handle them.” He lunged at the tal-vashoth, and soon their blades were slamming together with the ear-splitting screech of metal on metal as Fenris parried the tal-vashoth’s blows with his dagger. 

“Salope,” the Orlesian man spat. 

Rynne whipped around to face him. He was still hunched over a bit, but his face was red and ugly with anger. 

Before Rynne could speak or move, Fenris darted at the Orlesian and slashed him across the wrist. 

The man hissed in pain and grabbed for Fenris, but Fenris was already out of reach and engaging the tal-vashoth once more. The Orlesian clutched his bloodied wrist, then pulled a scimitar from his sash with his wounded hand and advanced on Rynne. 

“Eager little whore,” he snarled. “You can untie those laces for me when I pin you down with this sword.”

A ripple of disgust and fear ran down her spine. She forced herself to smile as she subtly adjusted her grip on her dagger. “Wrong,” she said. She jerked her chin at his weapon. “That’s a scimitar, not a sword. I know these things now.”

The Orlesian paused in confusion. Then he hastily raised his scimitar in defense as Fenris lashed at him once more. “Fucking knife-ear,” he snarled at Fenris. Then, to Rynne’s horror, Fenris was actively fighting both men at once with nothing but his dagger.

“Fuck this,” she muttered. No way was she going to stand here idly. She ran over to the dead dark-haired man and fumbled at his belt, then pulled off his sword with shaking fingers. 

She darted around to Fenris’s field of view and waited tensely until he caught her eye. The minute he looked at her, she tossed the sword to him.

He caught the sword, booted the Orlesian in the stomach, then skipped back two steps to adjust his grip on his weapons before engaging the two men once more, and Rynne exhaled in relief. Fenris wielding two weapons was the equivalent of two warriors fighting, and already the fight was more balanced–

“Julian!” an angry voice said from behind her. “The fuck is this? Did you kill ‘im?” 

A hand roughly grabbed Rynne’s arm, and her anxiety surged. Without stopping to think, she flung her head backwards.

Thunk. A dull throb of pain reverberated across her skull, and her assailant yelped in pain and released her arm. She whipped around and quickly assessed her new opponent – human, blond, armed with a dagger, bleeding from the nose – then lunged at him and slashed madly at his arms with her blade. 

“Fuck!” he yelled. He tried to back away from her, but she advanced on him ruthlessly despite her rising panic and slashed at his belly. 

The fabric of his shirt parted beneath her dagger, and a bloom of red appeared across the fabric. A roil of nausea joined the panic in her belly, but she ignored it and slashed at her assailant again. 

He grabbed her wrist and twisted, sending a jolt of pain up her forearm, then slapped her hard across the face. 

A fiery blaze of agony lit her right cheek. The blond man’s fingers were painfully tight on her wrist and dragging her toward him, and as she struggled to gather her wits, she realized something awful.

She’d dropped her dagger. She was unarmed. Fuck, she was unarmed, and the blond man was forcing her back against the wall and – ow, fuck, that was her head hitting the wall with too much force to be comfortable. And now his other hand was scrabbling at the waistband of her trousers–

She flinched in horror. Stop. Stop it, she thought in panic. Then she lunged toward him and bit his nose hard.

He howled in pain and stumbled away from her, and Rynne gasped for breath and dropped to a crouch by the wall. Her fingers scrabbled through the debris on the ground until she found a brick to strike him with, but by the time she pushed herself to her feet, the blond man was on his knees with blood dribbling from his mouth and Fenris’s sword shoved clean through his belly from behind. 

She looked up. Fenris was standing over the blond man with the most furious snarl she’d ever seen on his face. The Orlesian man was facedown in a puddle of blood, but the tal-vashoth– 

“Look out!” Rynne squealed. 

Fenris whipped around, then hastily dodged back as the tal-vashoth swiped at him with his sword, and then they were fighting again but Fenris didn’t have his sword anymore... 

Rynne bolted at the tal-vashoth and plowed into his side. He was huge and a full two feet taller than her, so her attempted body slam made no impact. 

But the brick she bashed into his jaw certainly did. 

He roared in pain, then broke off with a choking gasp as Fenris’s dagger sank into his chest. Fenris stabbed him three more times in the chest, and when the tal-vashoth dropped limply to the ground, Fenris spun toward Rynne and grasped her arm. 

“Are you hurt?” he snapped. He cupped her cheek in one hand. “Your face… he struck you?” 

“Y-yes,” she said. Why were her teeth chattering? She wasn’t even cold. “But it’s fine. I’m fine. No blood, no bruises. I–” She broke off abruptly. 

Fenris was bleeding. His shirt was cut below the left ribs, and his side was painted with blood. 

Panic filled her throat and she reached for his side, but he blocked her hands before she could touch him. “It is superficial,” he grunted. “A wound to the ribs, nothing more. Come. We need to move.” He took her hand and pulled her through the growing crowd and back in the direction of the town square. 

Rynne tried to breathe normally as she jogged alongside him. Her right cheek felt like she had a bad sunburn and the back of her head was throbbing, but that hardly mattered; she wasn’t the one who was bleeding.

She gazed pleadingly at Fenris’s angry profile. “Fenris, let me look at that wound–” 

“Not now,” he snapped. “We have to find Varania.”

Rynne pressed her lips together and didn’t reply. If those thugs hadn’t been lying, and Varania was gone… 

Fenris’s grip on her hand was almost painfully tight, but Rynne didn’t try to pull away. He shoved the door of the inn open, ignoring the alarmed cries of the patrons in the bar, then pulled Rynne up the stairs. At the top of the stairs, he finally released her hand, then whipped his dagger from its sheath and burst into the first room on the left. 

Rynne flinched as the door banged against the wall. A moment later, Fenris backed out. “Empty,” he snarled. He strode down the hall and shoved open the next door with a bang, and Rynne helplessly trailed behind him.

Two doors later, he froze, then strode into the room. “Varania,” he barked. 

Rynne darted into the room behind him, then stopped short in shock. 

Varania was the midst of climbing out of the window. When she caught sight of Fenris, her big green eyes grew even wider, and she ducked her head through the window as though to escape. 

But she couldn’t leave. The strap of her haversack was caught on the window ledge. “Venhedis,” she hissed. She pulled fruitlessly on the haversack, but Fenris grabbed it and dragged it off of her shoulder. 

“Give that back!” she yelled. 

“Why are you trying to escape?” he demanded. “Did Ahriman threaten you?”

“He’s not– no,” Varania said defensively. “I just… I want to go to Llomeryn.”

Rynne narrowed her eyes at Varania’s near-slip, but Fenris took a step toward her. “We can take you to Llomeryn if that is what you really want,” he said. “I will keep you safe until–” 

“You can’t protect me,” Varania shouted suddenly. “I don’t need your help.”

Fenris recoiled, then tried again. “I can. I… it is not like before, Varania. On the Lady Luck–”

“Oh, stop,” she said scathingly. “You couldn’t protect me before, and you can’t protect me now. I can look after myself without your help. Now give me that bag.” She held her hand out imperiously. 

Fenris stared at her in silence, but Rynne took a small step toward her. “If you don’t need Fenris’s help, then I suppose you don’t need the money, either.” She reached for the haversack in Fenris’s hand. 

“No!” Varania blurted. Then she pressed her lips together. 

Rynne paused and looked at her. “So you need coin, but you don’t want a quick getaway.” She tilted her head. “Is Ahriman even here?”

Varania glared viciously at her. Then Fenris spoke in a strained voice. “Varania, is he here?”

“No, he’s not,” she snarled. She swung her leg back through the window and stepped back into the room. “He’s not here. He cast me aside, all right? He threw me out. Is that what you want to hear?”

Fenris recoiled. “No, of course not,” he said. “Why–”

“You never wanted me to escape,” she yelled at Fenris. She looked completely enraged now. “You wanted me to stay locked up in Danarius’s mansion with Hadriana and all those other women.”

Fenris gaped at her. “I didn’t want you locked up,” he said incredulously. “I wanted you safe. All I ever… everything I ever did, I was trying to stop Danarius from harming you!”

“Him?” Varania sneered. She let out an ugly laugh. “Danarius was nothing. He barely knew I existed. Hadriana, though… she and her handmaidens tormented me. They hounded my sleep, denied my meals, pulled my ears, took my clothes and made me clean the floors naked like a common beast.” She angrily wiped her eyes on her wrist, and Rynne forced herself to breathe through the ache of sympathy in her chest. 

Fenris took a step toward his sister. “I didn’t… you never told me that,” he said quietly. “Why didn’t you–”

“You were miserable enough already,” she said. “Doing whatever Danarius wanted just to keep me safe.” She snarled the word ‘safe’, and even Rynne flinched slightly from the anger in her tone. 

“And so you left,” Fenris said. His tone was a heart-wrenching mix of sarcasm and rage. “You seduced that merchant, and you left.”

“I had to,” Varania snapped. “I couldn’t stand it any longer!”

“We made a pact!” Fenris shouted. “We were supposed to stay together after Mother died. I told you I’d protect–” 

“You failed!” Varania yelled. “You didn’t protect me. My life was terrible!”

“So was mine,” Fenris yelled back. “But we were in it together! Or that is what I thought.”

“Being together wasn’t enough,” Varania retorted. 

Fenris took an involuntary step back, and Rynne bit the inside of her cheek. She truly understood Varania’s arguments – Maker only knew she understood. But the undisguised hurt in Fenris’s face made her want to pull Varania’s hair out. 

Varania walked over to Fenris and snatched the haversack from his hand. She returned to the window and swung one leg through, then turned back to look at Fenris once more. “You should thank me for leaving,” she said acidly. “If I hadn’t left, we would both still be rotting in Danarius’s mansion.” 

He stared at Varania without speaking, and her angry expression softened slightly. “Goodbye, Leto,” she said quietly. A moment later, she slipped through the window and disappeared.

The ensuing silence was stifling. Rynne exhaled slowly and looked at Fenris. His face was turned away from her, and he was utterly still. 

She took a tentative step toward him. “So, um… no tea and cakes, then,” she said softly. 

Fenris glared at her. But before he could start yelling, she reached up and gently wiped the tears from his cheek. 

He ducked his head and roughly wiped his other eye. “Let’s go,” he said brusquely. “There is nothing here for me to reclaim.” He turned away and walked toward the door.  

Rynne silently followed him down the stairs. She grimaced apologetically at the affronted-looking innkeeper as they left, and then they were making their way through the town square once more. 

She looked up at him. His face was shuttered and angry, and she braced herself for his rage before speaking. “Now can I look at that wound–”

“No,” he said. 

She pressed her lips together, then tried again. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m still hungry. So we should probably go find a snack before I lose my temper and start trying to eat you instead.” She tried for a cheeky smile.

He sighed loudly and dragged a hand through his hair. “Hawke…” 

She relented. “All right, I’ll give you a break from my constant charm,” she said gently. “What do you want to do now?”

He rubbed his mouth for a moment. “I… I want to go back to the ship,” he admitted. “But I will take you to meet the others–”

“All right,” she interrupted. “Back to the Lady Luck we go.”

He frowned. “You don’t have to–”

“I want to,” she said firmly. “You don’t need to be alone.” She shrugged. “I wouldn’t want to be alone if I was in your place. I mean, I wasn’t alone. When I argued with Carver, I mean.” She looked up at him. “You were with me the whole time.”

He pursed his lips. “I don’t want your pity.”

She wilted in exasperation. “I don’t pity you, you handsome fool. I…” 

I love you, she thought, but she snapped her mouth shut before the words could leave her tongue.

She tried again. “I care about you,” she said carefully. “You’re my friend. So stop trying to pawn me off, and let’s go back to the Lady Luck together.”

The muscles in his jaw tensed for a moment. Then, finally, he nodded. 

They made their way along the boardwalk back to the docks as unobtrusively as possible. Fenris pressed his left arm against his wounded ribs to hide the bloody tear in his shirt, and Rynne held herself in a meek manner and kept her eyes low to deflect attention. When they got back to the docks, she grimaced at the Lady Luck’s twenty-person rowboats. “If it’s just the two of us, how will we…” 

She trailed off. Fenris was holding a single silver. “From Dorian,” he said. “I kept it in my pocket. We can pay someone to row us back.”

Rynne smiled and took the coin from his palm. “Don’t tell Dorian about this. If he knew we spent his coin on something so practical, he would shit his fancy silk pants.”

Fenris offered her a feeble half-smile, and Rynne smiled back at him. By the time they’d found an available boatman to row them back to the Lady Luck, however, Fenris’s face was creased in a brooding frown once more. 

The dwarven boatman was chatty, and Rynne easily returned his banter as the dinghy glided through the bay back toward the Lady Luck. But she couldn’t stop herself from worrying about Fenris’s moody silence. 

He was silent until they returned to the ship, and Rynne watched worriedly as he guarded his wounded left side while climbing the rope ladder up to the deck. Once they had set foot on the ship once more, she planted her fists on her hips. “I need to look at that wound now, all right?” she said. “I don’t want it to get infected.” 

“I said no,” he said sharply. 

She recoiled slightly. He was scowling at her. “What’s the matter?” she asked. “Did I do something wrong?”

“It’s not you,” he snapped. “It’s… I am…” He rubbed his hair roughly, then dropped his hand to his side. “I need… some time,” he said slowly. “I need to be alone.”

A now-familiar pang of rejection twisted in her gut. Why? she thought. Why did he always need to be alone? Why wouldn’t he just let her… 

She mentally cut herself off. She knew why he didn’t want her around. He didn’t want to be with her. He probably felt like she was smothering him. But she really did need to treat his wound. 

She pushed her hurt aside and lifted her chin. “You can have thirty minutes,” she said. “Then I’m coming to treat that wound.”

He glared at her again. “Why are you being so obstinate?”

Why are you? she thought mulishly. She raised her eyebrows. “Well, excuse me for caring about that gorgeous manly body of yours.”

He rubbed his forehead. “Festis bei umo canavarum. Fine,” he groused. “Thirty minutes.” He turned on his heel and stormed away to the officer’s quarters. 

With a painfully heavy heart, Rynne watched him walk away. When the door to the officer’s quarters swung shut behind him, she sat down on the nearest bench and sighed. 

Well, Afsaana had been an adventure, all right.

Too bad it hadn’t been a good one.

[transmxnfenris]

My Discourse Thoughts

I know I speak out against antis a lot but I just wanted to specify I’m not an anti-anti either. I just think antis cause more harm than anti-antis but tbh this is my Middle Ground opinion. I don’t like either groups. I think this discourse is not as black and white as people make out. Before you start, I am saying this as an incest, rape, child porn, and abuse survivor. So. Yeah, my feelings aren’t about something I’m not aware of. It’ll be kinda focused on written stuff, because I’m a writer, but I try to be inclusive. I’m mostly writing this so I never have to say my opinion again and can just link it here.

Yes fiction can affect reality, of course it does. See the Jaws affect and discussions about representation of marginalised groups for evidence. So, artists do have to be careful and try to do better in terms of bigoted stereotypes and stuff like that. But. But. This is kind of like the “murder played violent video games and became a murderer” thing. Violent video games would only cause someone to become a murder if that desire is already in place (this is what the trauma control model says. - info on that from adopduction.) Abusive relationships only normalise abuse if they portray the abuse as normal. So like, 50 Shades of Grey - that portrays abuse as romantic and fun. That’s normalising abuse. Running with Scissors is a book that very much shows the abuse as clearly really bad. It doesn’t explicitly say it, but it assumes the reader knows that these abusive acts are horrible and wrong. Which is a fair assumption. I don’t think people should create things that suggests bad things (abuse, rape, etc) are fine and even normal, I don’t think that means we shouldn’t have art about these topics, we absolutely should. For one thing, it’s therapeutic for a lot of people to get the dark things out of there head and into the art their creating / consuming, for another - spreading awareness isn’t normalising. Books talking about things that really happen is showing you that people are capable of awful things. Their reaching out to survivors and validating them, and sometimes their helping everyone see the signs. Books like Haunted show that anyone can be an abuser, and that’s important. If we think of the perpetrators as monsters, then it makes it difficult to believe someone we know is an abuser or rapist - that’s how we get the “but he seems like such a nice guy!” Defence.

So in terms of subjects discussing dark topics - I think people should absolutely be able to. I think people should stick to things they have experience with (eg Chuck Palahniuk got the idea to write fight club because he got beaten up on a camping trip by homophobes and when he went to work the next day people said nothing even though he was visible beaten up) but I’m not gonna police people - so long as they do their research and are being respectful it’s fine (besides, saying only survivors can do it says people have to open up about their trauma even if their not ready and that’s not cool.) I think as long as people aren’t normalising these topics it’s fine but by normalise I mean 50 Shades of Grey style stuff. Writing about them isn’t inherently normalising them. A general rule I use to see if someone’s normalising something is is it tagged or classified as abuse? Or does it explicitly say abuse? If so, it’s not. 50 Shades of Grey doesn’t ever say it deals with non-consensual BDSM, stalking, and abuse because those are awful things as everyone knows. So, if an Ao3 fic is tagged ‘abuse’, ‘pedophilia’, or ‘rape’... it’s probably not normalising it. It’s classifying it as a bad thing. I think a fic is normalising pedophilia when it’s got a seventeen year old with a thirty year old and saying it’s fine because it’s legal in the U.K. thus they don’t tag it. Like, that’s a creepy age gap your normalising. It may not technically be pedophilia, but your pulling a Call Me By Your Name, it’s kinda normalising grown adults grooming kids. However, if a ship is about the same thing but the adult is the villain, the creep, the ‘everything is done to show their a bad guy’... That’s not normalising anything. I write about incest, because I’m an incest survivor, so I have some incest ships - none are healthy. I could go on, but seriously. So long as they’re not showing how incestuous relationships are healthy and fine, who cares?

In terms of ships... Oh boy, this is a tough one. I live by Don’t Like Don’t Read and Live and Let Ship. I think shipping adult characters regardless of whether people think it’s bad or abusive is fine. It doesn’t mean I like all ships. For example, I do not like the ship Reylo, but I have friends who ship it. I have it on my blacklist. I don’t care that they ship it. It doesn’t remotely affect me. I only really see it when people are complaining about it. I think in this case it’s also important to note shipping and fanfiction aren’t mainstream, your fanfic on Ao3 won’t have much of an effect to any mainstream audience. If you identify as a woman and love m/m fics? I don’t care. I’ve seen amazing fics and art by women of m/m ships. Hell, the community is what helped me realise I’m an mlm trans man. Do I get a bit skeeved when homophobia and fetishisation happens? And transphobia and intersexism? And racism? And ableism? And bigotry in general? Yeah. But why don’t we just, approach them in a civil manner because it may be by accident. A lot of people like that apologise then improve if you’re nice about it. Do I like women getting off on mlm? Erm, I don’t care. So long as their not homophobic and weird about it. Final note: shipping doesn’t always mean “I love, approve of, and want this ship to be canon.”

That being said... NSFW art between kids if you’re an adult is weird. I do actually have ships with under 18 characters, and I don’t care if anyone else does. Ships aren’t inherently sexual. But I’ve never written porn or anything sexual for them. Because the thought makes me feel sick. If you’re a 15 year old writing about two 15 year olds that’s totally different and of course you will, but I would strongly suggest fans like that be careful because weirdos might get ahold of it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people creating art with underage characters in these situations if they are in them, but be careful. I’m going to specify at this point I mean smut and porn. Stuff written for actual sexual purposes. Not all art involving sex is like this, I’m ace as hell, and I’ve... Never really written sex for that purpose. I explore power dynamics because it’s interesting, and dark topics because it’s therapeutic. I don’t ever write actual sexual (abusive or otherwise) scenes with anyone underage because it skeeves me. I just imply it. So I think underage ships are a grey area... but porn involving kids and teens is really weird. And hand drawn porn of kids is illegal in the U.K. even if it isn’t in the US so don’t rely on that if you do draw it. I’m gonna specify though, I mean kids who are like, actually under age definitely children, not ageless figures in an anime who’s age you only know if you research the background bit they all seem like adults. This isn’t about porn with the guys from Voltron, it’s about porn with like, Dipper and Mabel. Another shipping trend that skeeves me is real life people shipping. It just crosses a consent line for me, I particularly started to dislike it when my abusive ex’s friend wrote a fanfic of my ex-girlfriend with another person. It fucking sucked. Now, if someone explicitly says “write about me in weird sexy ways if you want” fine, but like... Otherwise it’s fucking creepy.

To expand on that, I really don’t think “do what you want” is a good rule. For example, erasing representation is a shitty thing to do. Dorian Pavus of Dragon Age fame, has an entire backstory dedicated to being a magical conversion therapy survivor... so let’s not make a “bi Dorian Mod”. I don’t like that. And as I said, I don’t like child nsfw stuff, and lolicon, and babyfurs, and whatever else. It’s creepy. Basically my opinion is “do what you want, just don’t be bigoted or a fucking creep.” And... maybe don’t invest your time into being angry about it. It’s not healthy. If you see something bigoted or creepy, report it, block the person, and move on. If you see something you personally don’t like, but isn’t bigoted and isn’t harming anyone (like, whether you think Reylo or Kylux are abusive or not... it’s not mainstream, it’s not harming anyone really) maybe you should just. Leave it alone. Block the tag, and move on. This whole, deciding what harmless ships are bad and good and causing witch hunts is fucking conservative, cultist bullshit.

Tl;dr:

Don’t like, don’t read and ship and let ship are good rules. Within reason.

Let people create art and write about whatever they want. You don’t know their life, you don’t know who benefits from it, and art deserves freedom. Within reason.

But. We shouldn’t let bigotry and weird creepy stuff get a free pass though. But sometimes people don’t mean to be bigoted so try being nice and explaining stuff before abusing.

But also... witch hunts are like, bad?

[ponticle]

2016 Writing Round-Up

Tagged by @cullenstairshenanigans. Thanks!

Total number of completed stories:

‘Completed’ is hard to define… I’ve written a lot of little oneshots and filled many prompts… but if we’re talking just fully published things… 7 complete stories.

Total word count

According to Ao3, it’s over 270k

Fandoms written in...

Dragon Age

Looking back, did you expect to write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?

I didn’t have any particular goals for writing at all, actually. I have a pretty demanding day job, so this just started as a little hobby… when it took off I was as surprised as anyone.

What’s your own favorite story of the year?

I love The Affair the most… it transitioned me from my Cullen/Alistair roots (which was the theme of 2015) to my more personal rare-pair: Anders/Alistair. It’s a rather dark, sad story, but I think it has a lot of relatable emotional lessons.

Did you take any writing risks this year?

I think so. Writing rare-pairs is always sort of a risk because they don’t have an established fan base. The challenge can be getting people to read your stuff, regardless of its intrinsic merit. On top of that, including Anders in all my fiction now is a gamble. His fans are really rabid (which is great) but he has opponents who are just as ardent in their negativity.

Do you have any fanfic or profit goals for the new year?

Not profit goals… but I do have writing goals. I’d like to finish several of my ongoing projects and then work on an actual novel… I already have the beginning. 

Best story of the year? 

Best? I think The Affair is the best. Lots of fans liked Coffee Shop, though. It’s also Anderstair-centric, but way less dark. I’d consider it more universally digestible. 

Most popular story of the year?

On tumblr, the most popular thing I wrote was a gift for the Let it Glow event by @teamblueandangry. It’s a fenders fic… just over 500 words. Good Night, Fenris. I really like it, even though this is not my otp.

On Ao3, we have stats:

Hits and Kudos:  The Proposal (I sort of forgot that I finished that in 2016… it feels like ages ago.) Bookmarks:  Boyish and Brave (this story is interesting. It’s super long and I really like it because it’s a fully-fleshed out plot with tons of characters… not just a study of one relationship, but lots of them.) It’s in the canon setting, post-DAI, in case anyone would like to read it.   Comments: The Affair (this makes me so happy… it has more comments than any of my other works by 50%)

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: This is a good question… maybe A Name… it’s in the canon setting, Anders and Alistair meet through happenstance and fall in love. I think it’s very in-character for both of them. It’s still gotten a lot of love, actually, but comparatively, not as much as my other stuff.

Most fun story to write: I have a rule that I don’t write anything that isn’t fun. The second this becomes ‘work,’ it won’t be a good hobby anymore… but that being said, I loved writing for the let it glow event. I wrote four little fics, each about 500 words: Good Night Fenris, Plans, Good Morning, Little Secrets

Story with the single sexiest moment: Ooh… I’m going to say The Affair. There is a bit of sort of dark, emotional, sex in chapter 32 that gets me every time I re-read it.

Most sweet story: Fathers Day… it’s a hold-over from when I was dying about Cullen and Alistair on the daily and it fits into my Boyish and Brave universe. It’s super cute and short… you should definitely go read it.

“Holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you!” story: I am not actually sure… I have put my characters through some really gut-wrenchingly emotional things… lots of deaths… maybe Cullen’s death in The Proposal… we all know it’s coming for chapters and chapters, but it hurts just the same when it actually happens.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: Coffee Shop (and its multi-day challenges) changed the way I felt about Alistair. In my stories… I always self-insert with Alistair. He’s always me. So in this story, where we never get to see what he’s thinking (we see everything happening from Anders’ perspective) it helped me see what I must seem like from the outside… how my personal emotional messes might look… It was really cool for me. Speaking of that story, the 14-day winter challenge starts on February 1st! Bookmark the series or subscribe for updates!

Most unintentionally telling thing in a story: As I just said above, I’m totally okay with the fact that Alistair is me all the time… I’m doing it on purpose… but I guess all the stuff I say about being naturally evasive is pretty telling. I have to work to keep that in check.

Hardest story to write: Omg… A Simple Favor. (Alistair x Morrigan, canon setting, post-DAI, with Trevelyan x Dorian as the secondary relationship) I started writing it last summer… and the first 5 chapters just flew out of me… but after that I got stuck… I’m still stuck.  And that’s very sad because it has a really big following, considering how short it is. …I’m working on it.

Biggest disappointment: That it’s hard to get people to read longer chaptered things without writing a ton of smut. I like to include sex, but I don’t like to force it.

Biggest surprise: I’m surprised at how much I like writing in different tenses. I have done third person limited, third person omniscient, first person present tense, and first person past tense. (First person past tense is my favorite… it gives a sense of time that the others can’t.)

Tagging: @misterwiggums @teamblueandangry @earlgreyer1 @nerdyskirt @lumidee-mahariel @lilyrutherfordblog @draco-illius-noctis @delazeur and anyone else who wants to play!

[nomorecaffeineforyou]

Dear Wintersend Letter

Dear Wintersend Creator,

Hello! I hope you’ve been having a good new year thus far. I’m Fille and I’m honored that you’ve been chosen to have me as your exchange partner. No doubt you’ve got a fantastic already existing body of work; I’m really looking forward to whatever you’ll create! I’ve laid out here a few guidelines for my prompts and the kind of things I like to see just in case you wanted a little more of a reference.

My AO3 is linked in my sidebar if you want to get a better idea of what I write and I’m generally very flexible. If you’re really stuck, you can always send me any questions you have at all on anon and I will dramatically cover my eyes and go OH NO WHO IS THAT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS COULD BE ABOUT while I answer it.

Good Shit

Character studies exploring every available aspect. Found families. People overcoming their differences to come together and people recognizing their similarities through their differences as they come together. Letting things get weird and sticky but finding comfort in that and coming toa  resolution. Domesticity, nonsexual and sexual intimacy, supporting but being willing to call the other out on their bullshit or push them towards something greater. Mutual comfort while unpacking and dealing with trauma; also, coming together to weather a traumatic experience. Well done angst that might seem overwrought, but is worth the light at the end of the tunnel. Character driven fluff and smut. Enthusiastic consent play, light bondage, service tops/service bottoms, spanking, shibari, oral sex, praise kink, dirty talk, orgasm denial, switching, femdom, pegging, hair-pulling, rough sex that comes after sparring, hair-pulling. Meaningful but realistic sex where you’re allowed to laugh and no one takes it too seriously. My biggest kink is mutual respect and affection (no, really). I also have a weakness for epistolary and faux anthropological/sociological study styles, even if the formatting can be difficult.

BONUS! I am eternally weak for the Chargers as NPCs, so any appearance of them means I will adore your work until the end of time. There is no easier in to my heart.

Background pairings I would love to see if you want to squeeze them include but are not limited to: Dalish/Skinner, Dagna/Sera, Cassandra/Vivienne, Josephine/Leliana, Iron Bull/Dorian, Female Inquisitor Who Is Not Human/Any of the women at Skyhold (and I do mean any), Isabela/Merrill, Aveline/Isabela, Female Hawke/any of the Kirkwall gals (and I do mean any), Female Hawke/Merrill/Isabela, Male Inquisitor Who Is Not Human/Iron Bull, Male Inquisitor Who Is Not Human/Dorian Pavus, Male Inquisitor Who Is Not Human/Cullen Rutherford, Male Inquisitor Who Is Not Human/Krem, Male Inquisitor Who Is Not Human/Blackwall, Male Hawke/Fenris, Male Hawke/Varric, Leliana/Cassandra, Morrigan/Leliana, Josephine/Vivienne, Sera/Cassandra, Josephine/Sera, Any Male Charger But Bull/Any Male Charger But Bull,   Leliana/Sera, Cassandra/Krem, and Lace Harding/Dagna.

I haven’t actually played Origins yet, but if you wanted to include Leliana/FWarden Who Is Not Human, Morrigan/FWarden Who Is Not Human, or Zevran/Male Warden Who Is Not Human, that would be fine, too.

Non, Merci

Scat, watersports, bloodplay, vomit play, vore, rape roleplay, love triangles, character bashing, OTT angst, ageplay, infidelity, pregnancy, whump, kid fic, women being dominated by men, soulmate fic, AU fic, A/B/O dynamics and tropes, descriptions of gore that go beyond the typical canon. Referencing or hinting at abuse, rape, or assault is fine, but I’d rather not see it played out. I’m also not a huge fan of tons of angst or sadness without a happy ending; I like things bittersweet, not full on sour. Also, no human Wardens or Inquisitors, please. I have nothing against them; I just find the other origins more interesting. I have no preference regarding classes. If you’re drawing me porn and you’re an artist, I really don’t like the style where both people look super shiny; I tend to read it as oily or sweaty and it takes me out of the scene.

First person and second person POV also don’t generally work for me as styles and I would prefer you stick to canon. Pairings I would really not like to see at all are here but not limited to: Iron Bull/Any Of The Chargers (the power dynamics really squick me out), Cole/Anyone, Anders/Anyone, Blackwall/Any Female Characters, Solas/Any Female Characters, Cullen/Any Female Characters, any pairings that don’t acknowledge Sera and Dorian as gay or disrespect Krem’s gender identity, Dalish/Any Male Characters, Skinner/Any Male Characters, Male Hawke/Any Female Characters, Female Hawke/Any Male Characters, Fenris/Anders, Fenris/Isabela, Fenris/Dorian, Krem/Dorian, Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford, Female Inquisitor/Blackwall, and Female Inquisitor/Solas.

I know this is a lot to take in, but you’re doing great. Onto the prompts!

Dagna/Shaper Valta

Talk about rare pairs, am I right? You don’t have to dig much deeper than the Deep Roads for these two. Still, I think there’s something to these two. I found their similarities rather striking; they’re both intelligent, relentless in their pursuit of their work, they see Orzammar for what it is, both of their fathers disagreed with what they chose to do, they don’t have any regrets regarding their decisions, etc. Valta also talked about the Titan in a very similar way to how Dagna talked about the Fade if you let her study the samples from Adamant. I think they’d really hit it off. I would love to see them talking shop or reminiscing about their lives in Orzammar.

Colette/Lace Harding

And the rare pairs get even rarer. Colette is Professor Bram Kenric’s sword wielding city elf assistant you meet in the Jaws of Hakkon DLC who’s attending the University of Orlais. (Here are a couple clips of her; skip to 1:47 for this one.) She’s researching the early Tevinter temple ruins in the Frostback Basin and how they relate to Inquisitor Ameridan. If you chat with her, she’ll tell you about the discrimination she faces as an elf attending an Orlesian university and comments on how elven assistants are common, but get no credit for their research. Professor Kenric is the exception. She’s very driven and determined to succeed in her work and it shows; that’s something she and Lace have in common. Kenric also mentions that Lace has brought artifacts back to camp for them, so I’m sure that she and Colette have at least met before.

I don’t have anything specific in mind, but something that you could have a lot of fun with is a Road to El Dorado style piece with Lace helping Colette search for an artifact in a particular ruin and possibly fighting off some Hakkonites together heroically. Bonus points if they end up having to rescue Professor Kenric and the Chargers show up as the cavalry along with Lace being an adopted Charger.

Dalish/Skinner

Okay, so just hear me out because this prompt's a little convoluted, but it could be hilarious.

So, we know that merchant families in Antiva have their feuds like anyone else. Let's say that for reasons, one of them in particular decides to retaliate by the Montilyets' rise to power by planning to kidnap Yvette. Rather than allow her sister to stay in Val Royeaux or potentially draw the mercenaries to Skyhold, Josephine chooses to take out a contract and have The Bull's Chargers kidnap her instead and take her somewhere safe to watch over her while she investigates the plot and brings the would-be kidnappers to justice.

Contrary to expectations, Yvette is a delight. She takes to the Chargers' lifestyle surprisingly well and it's just the inspiration she needed as an artist to really flourish, except she develops a huge crush on Dalish. At first, it's completely harmless and just a lot of starry eyed wistful gazing and overwrought elvhen motifs in her sketches. Skinner's not happy, but is pacified by The Iron Bull's litany of "you could literally eat her alive, she's practically a baby, we just have to get through this one job and you'll never have to see her again". Then, despite efforts to discourage it, Yvette's crush on Dalish starts getting too big to ignore and on top of all that, her girlfriend shows up.

Who is Yvette's girlfriend? I don't know. Maybe she's a Tal Vashoth pirate who automatically sets Bull on edge, maybe she's a shady apostate with a penchant for blood magic and betrayal, maybe she's a noblewoman from a disgraced house who supposedly goes through young women like tissues. It's up to you! All I ask is all's well that ends well. I want a lighthearted romp, not heavy drama. I've tagged the pairings with Josephine that I prefer most for this piece, but if you'd like to pair her with Vivienne, Sera, or Lace Harding, I wouldn't be opposed. Pentilyet doesn't really do it for me.

Female Inquisitor/Cassandra Pentaghast

Something I feel that the Cassandra romance genuinely missed out on was the possibility of an interfaith relationship between her and the Inquisitor (besides the obvious lack of not being able to romance her with a female character). I would really like to see that explored in fic.

How does she handle a partner with a belief system radically different from hers (Dalish, the Qun, the Stone, Avaar, Chasind, whatever the Vashoth or Tal Vashoth might believe in) or a nonbeliever? How much does the degree of faith affect their relationships? How do the Chantry's views on them get in the way? If her partner's actually considered to be clergy (or was before the Inquisition, such as a Keeper, an augur, a tamassran, etc.), how does she come to terms with that? Does anyone in the Inquisition help her through this trial? Do any couples who deal with these cultural differences aid her?

I don’t want to see any unhappy endings with this one, but feel free to explore it as much as you possibly can and don’t be afraid to get bitter or dark. Smut is not necessary for this prompt, but if you feel the urge, I always appreciate it, especially if it’s pseudoreligious sex full of allegories. That’s my shit.

Shokrakar

My giant women, how I love them.

I just really want some Shokrakar smut, especially if you can expand on the Valo Kas and how they fit in. I'm always down for plot with my porn. I would prefer to see her paired with any of the female characters in Inquisition, but especially Josephine, Cassandra, or Vivienne.

And that’s everything! Thanks for reading! I can’t wait to see what you do. Good luck!

Best,

        Fille

[tellmevarric]

I was tagged by @captain-amoruca​ for this a while back! Yikes!

Total number of completed stories

45 that I can specifically put my finger on but it’s probably a fair bit more once I take into account some of the one shots in Inquisition All-sorts and some tumblr only fics. And that’s not taking into account my WIPs.

Total word count

Oh man. Too hard to count but given that Building Windmills came in at a bit over 72000 words, I’m going to say probably between 100000 and 150000. (Again, that’s not taking into account my WIPs because if I do, then Only The Moon Howls has 108k words, Counterpoint has 80k and Broken Chains has 46k. Not to mention a couple at around 20k each.)

Fandoms written in

Dragon Age, Borderlands, Far Cry and Star Wars.

Looking back, did you expect to write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?

It’s a bit more than I expected but I do tend to write in ebbs and flows so I’m never really sure of how much I’m writing at any given time.

What’s your own favorite story of the year?

Probably Building Windmills because it was a challenge, though Broken Chains and Only The Moon Howls come a close second because I do love writing Fenris and Solas.

Did you take any writing risks this year?

I started writing a few rarepairs, which is a risk for me because I do feed a bit on the kudos, comments and like I get. I know I shouldn’t but it’s nice to get and you don’t get much with rarepairs. So I suppose I’ve learned to keep writing even when I’m not getting comments or kudos.

Do you have any fanfic or profit goals for the new year?

I’d like to finish some of my WIPs! (And I’m sure my readers would like me to finish them too! :D) I’d also like to go back to one of my Nano original fics and shove into some sort of shape with a view to potentially seeing if I can get it published. It’s just a bit of daunting task given I think I need to almost rewrite it from the very beginning. 

Best story of the year?

For me, Broken Chains and Only The Moon Howls because I like playing with the ‘verse and changing just a few things and seeing what I can do with that. For sheer enjoyment, the OT3 we all didn’t know we needed aka Accidentally In Love aka that Cullen/Dorian/Blackwall(/soon to be Varric!) fic I got challenged to write and now can’t stop writing.

Most popular story of the year?

I’d say Only the Moon Howls with 5050 kudos, 11467 hits, 179 bookmarks, 230 subscriptions and 111 comment threads. The only piece that does better than it in any category is  Inquisition Allsorts with 11683 hits.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

I’m not really sure. I mean, my ego says all of my fics are under-appreciated. :D But maybe my rarepairs? But rarepairs by their very nature tend to be under-appreciated. If anything, I’d like to see non-smut fics get some more love and appreciation just in general. I like writing smut but I love me some fluff and adorable just as much, if not more.

Most fun story to write:

The OT3 we all didn’t know we needed. I still giggle just thinking about it. When I got that challenge, I was a bit dubious about it but then it just took off and now I love it so much. I still enjoy writing it whenever the muse is upon me. So, you know, if you ever want to randomly prompt me, that is the fic to choose because I will giggle madly and write it.

Story with the single sexiest moment:

Um, good question. Quiet In The Library made me blush as I wrote it. Let Me Hear You was fun for where I located it. Indolent because it was easy to picture Dorian doing that after he was sure of his place in Drake Trevelyan’s heart. (Though if I was including this year’s fic - and I will technically do that because the original fic was published last year though I only added the sex this year) - then it’s my Iron Lion piece, Too Late.

Most sweet story:

I write a lot of fluff so it could really be any of them but maybe my almost-a-sitcom-romance, Cullen/M!Hawke fic, Slow Steps, Going Places.

“Holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you!” story:

Um, I don’t think I actually have anything for this. Maybe Break Me, Heal Me might vaguely fit because I usually don’t write that heavy angst. (Well, heavy for me anyway. I’m really more of a fluffy fic writer.)

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters:

Hmm, maybe Too Late because I’ve never been a big fan of Bull or his romance. Well, more his romance than Bull himself. But possibly also my Solas fics because it’s interesting and kind of fun to dig into his headspace and his reasons for why he’s doing what he’s doing (and in my case, then working out how to derail that.)

Most unintentionally telling story:

Again, I’m not really sure I have one, other than all my fics tend to weave my opinions or headcanons into them. Maybe Dear Corvo could be one example. I like to gently weave my characters towards happiness, no matter how long it takes. I guess I just like to see characters happy. Fight me. :D

Hardest story to write:

All of them, I think. Sure, there are a small number that flew off the page but most of them I stop and start and work on and delete and rewrite and second guess and third guess and even fourth guess before finally posting them. I think that’s why I end up with so many WIPs. If I’m stuck on a fic, I tend to put it aside and work on something else then come back to it later.

Biggest disappointment:

It’s ridiculous but the lack of recognition for my rarepair fics. I mean, they’re rarepairs! I shouldn’t be expecting much but still, I do and then I get stupidly disappointed when they barely get any hits/comments/kudos/likes/reblogs.

Biggest surprise:

When people like my fics. *lol* I am waaaay more insecure about them than I appear. I tend to always think my writing is terrible and trite and shit so I’m always surprised and delighted when people flail over them and like them.

Um, I think most of the people I tagged have already done this so if you haven’t and you’d like to, feel free to say I tagged you