#tagging this with all sorts of stuff so yall can blacklist as you desire

[oops-prow-did-it-again]

Hmm. Thinking I might need to start posting more. I’ve been trying, but something seems to hold me back. Therapist says I should stop letting that happen. That feeling of “I can’t do it but nothing is stopping me” may likely be mild depression seeping through.

So we’ll see if we can change that. I’ll start tagging stuff like this as personal and journal or something like that. See the tags and blacklist accordingly if these aren’t your style, since I know I usually reblog memes, trans discussions, and pokemon stuff lol.

Anyway,

Journal #1

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Went to the psychologist (...psychiatrist? i get those words continually confused) today. Got my psychological evaluation completed and we went over that. Combined (but predominately impulsive) type ADHD, severe generalized anxiety disorder, and mild depression. Well, we been done knew all that, but at least now I have paperwork to back it up. Had to set up an appt with the doctor to see if I can get started on ADHD medication since we believe that is the root cause of 90% of my problems. I also mentioned how I often take hours to get out of bed in the morning. He suggested I put my alarm clock/phone somewhere I can’t reach from the bed and to only go to the bed to sleep. He said that staying in bed more than I need to may be worsening my chronic back pain and it feeds depressive feelings. I agreed and decided I’d do that.

Went to work after that. D**rD*sh. Did that for 7-ish hours. My goal nowadays is to make at least $114 a day. This lets me send 10% to my savings account for safekeeping, allows me to pay the $1.99 cost for instant transferring to my bank account at the end of the day, and lets me have $100 in my checking account. I generally work Tuesday-Wednesday, and Friday-Saturday, only doing a couple hours on Thursday (I get extremely stressed and upset if I try to pull 5 full 7+ hour shifts in a row...).

This is still only about $450/wk in my checking account, though. Which isn’t enough for any real semblance of dependence. Minimum wage in my state is steadily rising, slated to go to $11/hr by Jan 2022, though. I overheard a woman at a pizza shop panicking about a lack of drivers. I think I am going to talk to her tomorrow morning to see if she needs a new driver. I’m hoping the fact I can’t stay on my feet too much doesn’t bother her. I hope she’s too desperate for drivers to care. Although I like the freedom D*shing brings, I know that $9.50/hr + tips at an actual restaurant will always beat whatever I was making with D**rD*sh provided I get enough hours. And if I don’t, I can always D*sh some more to make it up.

I want to try to make enough to have an apartment of my own at some point. That’s really all I want. If I get this job and make enough, I may be willing to tough out putting up with more hours, if it’ll net me an apartment. I’d only have to put myself through that for a couple years until I can move in with the boyfriend.

Anyway, I finished work after making $113 and deciding a dollar wasn’t worth going on another delivery at 9pm. I went to the store and got a few things. Medicine, for insomnia and acne issues, other stuff, some food. Spent $55. Was a little miffed at that. Oh well, it was stuff I’d needed for a while.

Came home and now... here I am. I’m going to start really focusing on a diet plan after Sunday as well. Doctors believe a lot of my stress and depression may also be related to my body weight. It is also probably not helping my chronic back pain.

I have plans to have breakfast with mother Sunday as well as dinner with the boyfriend so it would be kinda dumb to try to start it before then since it’s incredibly hard to stay under a reasonable calorie limit when eating out with people.

I wanted to write more for my next chapter of Pokemon Retold: Red, as that chapter is complete but is just in the editing stage, but it’s now 10:43pm and I want to watch some Dragon Ball Z with my boyfriend (we’ve been trying to watch through the series. We’re on episode 50). I had an idea for an original story but haven’t even been able to start planning it. I did write down the general idea so I wouldn’t forget it, though. I also started thinking about writing a oneshot for Hidden Grottos involving Rosa and Hil. I want to show how complex Rosa can be and explore Hil’s relationship with N and Reshiram and Zekrom more.

I think that about covers it.... until the next time, on Dragon Ball Z... lol.