#taking on Mrs. Jones

[jrob64]

Taking on Mrs. Jones - a Captain Swan Modern AU story

This one-shot was inspired by a prompt on the CSMM Discord which ended up lending itself to a request made by @cs-rylie after my ‘heatwave’ story A Pirate’s Guide to Surviving the Heat. She wanted to read more about Emma and Killian role playing with him wearing his red vest, so I wrote this as a birthday gift for her. It’s a little late, my friend, but I hope you still like it!

Thank you to @everything-person for sharing the prompt, @motherkatereloyshipper for working her magic to turn Killian into Silver Fox for this story, @kmomof4​ for helping me plot out the story and @hookedmom​ for, you guessed it, being a rock star beta! 

Story summary: Killian Jones loves his wife Emma and his job as a history professor. When Zelena Green joins the department, she makes Killian uncomfortable with her relentless flirting, but she’ll find out that it’s not wise to mess with Mrs. Jones’s man!

Rating: M (for smut)

Words: 9935

Also found on Ao3 and ffn

*********

“Hey, Babe. How was work?” Emma Jones asked her husband of seven months as soon as he walked in the door.

“It was, uh…it was okay,” Killian answered haltingly, crossing the room to kiss her.

She pulled back, studying him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he shrugged. “What have we planned for dinner?”

She knew a diversion when she heard one and could tell by his body language something was bothering him. “Uh-uh. Nice try, buddy. Did something happen at work today?”

He dropped his eyes and began rubbing at his jaw with his thumb under his chin. Seeing one of his telltale nervous habits, Emma began to get a little worried. She stepped closer to run her hands up his chest, looping her arms around his neck.

“Talk to me, Killian,” she crooned. “You know you can tell me anything.”

He gripped her hips and dragged his eyes up to meet hers. “You know how I told you there was a new professor starting in the history department this week?” At her nod, he continued, “Well, she’s…a bit…flirtatious.”

Emma wasn’t surprised in the least that another woman was attracted to her husband. When she met him as his grad assistant in college, she was so tongue-tied she could barely speak. With his strong, scruff-covered jawline, dark hair with streaks of silver, muscular body, and eyes the color of sapphires, he was the most exquisitely handsome man she had ever seen. Then, just when her brain reminded her she actually did know how to form words, he spoke to her and she was a goner. His smooth, British accent curled around every word and sent shivers racing down her spine.

As gorgeous as he was though, she never worried that he would ever want to be with another woman. He told her he had been completely smitten from the moment they met, and would always be unwaveringly faithful to her. She was the love of his life and he was hers, and when they eventually spoke their wedding vows, they both meant every word.

Her fingers feathered through the silver strands of hair at his temples. When they started dating after she finished her master’s degree four years ago, he planned to get the gray touched up. He reasoned that he was already twelve years her senior and didn’t want to appear even older, but she wouldn’t allow it. She adored the fact that he was turning into a ‘silver fox’ and paid special attention to those areas of his hair quite often.

“Did you hide from her in your office all day?” Emma teased, pleased to see it had the desired effect of making the tips of his ears turn red - another trait she found adorable.

“You could stroke a man’s ego by showing a little bit of jealousy, Swan,” he groused.

“There are a lot of things you have that I love to stroke,” she giggled. “Your ego does not happen to be one of them.”

He sighed dramatically, but couldn’t keep the corners of his lips from turning up. They had known each other for over five years, and dated for three before getting engaged. They knew each other in nearly every way possible, so he was completely aware she was secure in their relationship.

“Seriously,” she went on, “how exactly did she flirt with you and why did it bother you?”

“I’ll tell you as we prepare dinner,” he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

*********

Killian had just gotten to his office with his morning cup of coffee the first time Zelena approached him.

“Well, good morning neighbor,” she greeted loudly from his doorway. “My office appears to be right next to yours. I’m sure you remember seeing me when the department head’s assistant showed me around. In case you have forgotten, my name is Zelena Green. Yours is Dr. Killian Jones, is it not?”

He rose and walked around his desk to meet her. “Welcome, Professor Green,” he said, offering his hand. “And you are correct. Killian Jones, at your service.” He wasn’t impressed that she remembered his name, especially since it was on the plaque beside the door.

She shook his hand with both of hers, holding on for longer than necessary. “Please call me Zelena,” she simpered with a wicked smile on her bright red lips.

He refrained from wiping his hand on his trousers once she finally released it. “Well, Zelena, if you, um, if you have any questions, just let me know,” he said, resuming his seat behind his desk.

“Oh, I most definitely will,” she grinned, standing in the same spot several moments longer, before finally disappearing down the hall.

Killian was still checking his emails ten minutes later when Zelena’s face appeared around the doorframe once again. “Killian, would you be a dear and show me how to scan and email a document?” she asked in a sickly sweet voice.

“Uh, sure,” he replied, minimizing his mailbox and rolling his chair away from his desk. He followed her to the copier room, wondering if she always had that much sway to her hips as she walked.

As he pointed out how to enter her copier code, where to place the document, and how to type the email address into the little keyboard which pulled out from the front of the machine, she stood as close to him as possible, her shoulder brushing against his.

He finished his explanation and turned to go, but she reached out and wrapped her hand around his forearm. “Oh, please stay to make sure I do it right, Killian,” she purred.

Attempting to wiggle out of her grasp, he replied as politely as he could, “It’s really not that difficult, Ms. Green.”

“Now, Killian, I told you to call me Zelena. We are going to be working together very, VERY closely and it just won’t do for us to be so formal with each other.”

He swallowed down his agitation. “Very well, Zelena. I’ll stay to make sure you get the document sent correctly, but then I really must get back. I have to verify my class lists and begin preparing my lessons.”

“Oh, poo,” she scoffed. “Classes don’t start for another two days. You have plenty of time to get ready.”

“That’s not the way I operate,” he stated. “Now, if you would be so kind…” Gesturing toward the copier, he raised his brows at her, clearly indicating his wish for her to proceed.

Giving him another toothy smile before turning back to the machine, she took her time placing the document on the glass, adjusting it several times before finally closing the lid and hitting the scan button. Then she pulled out the keyboard and slowly entered the email, looking at the slip of paper on which it was written after every letter.

Anxious to return to his office, and get away from Zelena, Killian gritted his teeth every time she bumped her hip into his. Finally, with the document scanned and emailed, he said, “See? Nothing to it.”

Her hand fastened around his arm again. “I’m never any good at figuring out these machines. You must be a very good teacher, Dr. Jones.”

“Well, that’s why they pay me,” he replied blandly.

Her raucous laughter grated on his nerves as he exited the room.

*********

“Did she leave you alone after that?” Emma asked, cutting the tomatoes into wedges before adding them to the salad.

Killian reached around her to take a paring knife out of the block, leaving a kiss on her cheek as he did. “I would love to tell you she did, but I wasn’t that fortunate.”

*********

Killian was in the staff lunch room, chatting with his colleague Jasmine as they ate, when Zelena marched into the room.

“Oh, goody! I’m just in time! I hate eating by myself.” She pulled a gaudy green lunch bag out of the refrigerator and plopped down in the chair beside Killian, scooting it closer to him in the process.

He gave Jasmine an apologetic look. “Have you met the new addition to our staff?” he asked her.

Before she had a chance to answer, Zelena spouted, “Oh, yes. I met everyone this morning. You’re Josephine, right?”

“Actually, it’s Jas-” Jasmine attempted to correct.

“How are the lesson plans coming along, Killian?” Zelena interrupted, knocking her elbow against his as she removed a container of yogurt from her bag. “Oh, drat. I seem to have forgotten my napkin. May I borrow one of yours, Josephine?”

She stood from her seat and leaned across the table, positioning her ample cleavage mere inches in front of Killian’s face.

What followed was a very awkward lunch, with Zelena dominating the conversation, practically ignoring Jasmine, and touching Killian every chance she got. At one point, she dropped her hand to the inside of his thigh, giving it a squeeze. He nearly jumped out of his seat at the unexpected contact. Quickly, he pushed away from the table, and declared that he was finished eating, then left the room, his face burning with embarrassment and annoyance.

*********

Emma squeezed his wrist above his prosthesis as they sat down to eat at their dining room table. “My poor lover,” she sympathized. “Maybe once the newness of being around you wears off, she’ll stop flirting with you.”

Killian let out a deep sigh. “I hope so. I don’t want to have to fend off her advances every day.”

Emma wasn’t at all jealous of the brash woman, but hated that she was changing the pleasant atmosphere of her husband’s workplace into one he might begin to dread.

As she sprinkled sunflower seeds on her salad, she asked, “Did she bother you at all after lunch?”

He swallowed his bite of salmon before answering, “I had a meeting with my new grad assistant for most of the afternoon, so she didn’t have much of a chance.”

She paused with her fork halfway to her mouth. “What’s your new ‘grad ass’ like? Anyone I should be worried about?” she smirked.

“Only if you’re threatened by a twenty-six year old man with a wife and toddler. You know there will only ever be one grad whose ass I love,” he said, his dimples flashing.

“Yeah, I do,” she assured him. “It was just a one time thing that will last for the rest of our lives.”

Once dinner was finished and the kitchen set to rights, Emma asked to see Killian’s class schedule. The museum where she worked as curator was close to campus, so they always tried to find at least one day during the week to meet for lunch. She found a mutual time period on Tuesdays and they entered it as a recurring event in their phones.

When she noticed he had clicked from his schedule to his lesson plans, she reached over and shut his laptop. “All work and no play makes Dr. Jones a dull boy,” she sing-songed.

He set the computer on the end table and turned back toward her. “What kind of play did you have in mind, Mrs. Jones?” he asked with a knowing smirk. His wife had an almost insatiable libido and he was more than happy to satisfy it.

“Mmm, let me see,” she hummed, climbing into his lap to straddle him. Immediately, she felt his cock beginning to swell against her thinly covered core. “I was thinking maybe we could play the princess and the pirate.”

Killian’s grin stretched across his face. As a history buff, he had a small collection of period clothing, and one of Emma’s favorites was a red, double breasted, brocade vest which she insisted made him look like a pirate captain.

His hand and prosthesis moved to her hips. “Is the princess my captive, or has she boarded my ship on her own accord?”

She threw her head back and closed her eyes, the back of her hand resting against her forehead as if she felt faint. “Oh, I simply couldn’t take staying in that stuffy old castle another moment,” she sighed theatrically. “I just had to stow away on your ship, seeking adventure on the high seas.”

“Well, milady, if it’s adventure you seek, adventure you shall have.” Pulling her tightly against him, he stood to his feet and swiftly made his way to their bedroom, while her fingers tangled in his hair and her tongue traced the shell of his ear.

He deposited her on the bed, then unbuttoned his shirt and removed it. Moving to the closet, he emerged a few minutes later dressed in a black shirt with billowy sleeves, and the red vest.

“No leather pants?” she pouted.

“Removing my jeans and getting into my leathers seems like too much work,” he explained, “especially in my…condition.” He gestured toward the noticeable bulge beneath his zipper.

Shifting into character, Emma crawled across the bed to kneel on it in front of him. “I can help you with that problem, Captain,” she purred.

“You’re the cause of this problem, Princess,” he growled, reaching forward to twist a lock of her blonde hair around his finger.

Her hands stretched toward his chest, but he batted them away. “Ah, ah, ah, Princess,” he barked, his voice deeper than usual. “You might be royalty on your shores, but here, you are a mere stowaway, so let me tell you how it works on my ship. I make the demands, you follow them, and if you desire anything, you must ask with all due respect to your Captain.”

He watched her pupils dilate with desire. These were roles they had played several times over the years and it always turned her on immensely.

Acting on his instructions, she dropped her head and looked up at him through her lashes. “Please, Captain, may I have permission to touch you?”

He widened his stance and folded his arms across his chest, tilting his head and poking his tongue into his cheek as he considered her request. Finally, his left brow raised high on his forehead and his glower morphed into a sly grin. “You may touch me, but only with one hand,” he lifted his left forearm to show her that he had replaced his prosthesis with a metal hook, “for that is all I will use to touch you.”

“Yes, Captain, but if I may…” He nodded for her to continue. “I would not mind you touching me with your hook. In fact, I think it would be quite…enjoyable.”

Killian saw the flush of desire creeping up her chest and throat into her face. She was still dressed in a simple V-neck blouse and leggings, but he didn’t want to interrupt their role play to allow her to change.

Unfolding his arms and stepping closer, he replied, “As you wish,” then slid the hook up her bare arm, leaving goosebumps in its wake.

Emma’s right hand slid up the front of his vest, toying with the brass buttons. When she reached his skin, her nails scratched into his dark chest hair, flecked with gray.

His hook found its way to her neck, pushing strands of hair over her shoulder. Then he leaned down and pressed his lips to the newly exposed skin and sucked. Knowing he was leaving a mark gave him a thrill and he left two more just above her collarbone.

“Captain,” she moaned, “may I touch you with my mouth?”

“Not yet,” he mumbled against her throat.

She grumbled about his answer and he pulled back to look at her. “Is the Princess complaining?”

“No, Captain, it’s just that you’re bringing me so much pleasure, I want to reciprocate.” He kept his intense gaze on her for several seconds, until she began to squirm. “C-Captain, please. I meant no disrespect,” she assured him, bowing her head.

“Remove your garments,” he ordered. As she quickly crossed her arms and reached for the hem of her shirt, he added, “Slowly! I want to savor seeing every inch of that creamy skin as you expose it.”

Swallowing hard at his seductive tone, she dragged her blouse up her body, feeling his hungry eyes on her the entire time. Once her shirt was tossed on the floor, she wasn’t sure whether to remove her bra or her leggings next.

Sensing her indecision, Killian stepped forward to trace his finger across the cup of her royal blue bra. “I would like to see the treasure hidden underneath this,” he murmured.

She reached behind her back to unhook the undergarment, her eyes never leaving his face. She adored how he still looked at her with a mixture of love and lust, even after being together for several years. When the bra was unfastened, she dipped her shoulders to shrug out of it, letting it drop to the bed.

Killian licked his lips, his eyes darting up to hers for a fraction of a second before returning to her breasts. He brushed his fingertips over her already hardening nipples, bringing them to sharp peaks. “Bloody glorious,” he whispered.

Emma stayed still, awaiting his next command while enjoying the sensations he was creating. His hand fondled her left breast, his hook lifting the right so he could dip his head and suck the nipple into his mouth.

Her head fell back, moans moving up her throat. They doubled in intensity when his gravelly voice vibrated against her sensitive skin, “Do you like that, Princess?”

“Y-yes, Captain,” she answered breathlessly.

His hook glided down her belly, the cool metal producing shivers throughout her body. He slid it under the waistband of her leggings and down to the apex of her thighs, rubbing it against her mound. “You have pleased your Captain, so I’m going to give you a choice. Shall I fuck you with my fingers and hook, or my cock?”

Emma’s hooded eyes found his and he nearly broke character seeing how black with wanton passion they were. “Can I choose…both?” she asked in a small, wary voice.

“No!” he barked. “One or the other, greedy lass!” He could see the desperate indecision in her expression and softened a bit. “However…you may earn that reward, if you make the right choice.”

She bit her lip in contemplation for several moments, before quietly saying, “Please fuck me with your fingers and hook, Captain.”

He grinned salaciously. “You have chosen wisely.”

A tingle of excitement zipped through her. “What must I do to earn the reward?” she inquired eagerly.

“You will have to wait and see. Now, bare yourself completely for your Captain.”

She clambered off the bed to hurriedly shed her leggings and underwear, standing naked before him on legs trembling with anticipation when she finished.

He sauntered over and stood before her, his thumb hooked over his belt buckle as he looked her up and down. “Lovely,” he breathed. “Now, if you can undress me, you will get what you are craving.”

Emma grinned, happy the reward was going to be easily earned. Her hands reached toward his belt, only to be knocked away once again.

“If you cannot follow the rules, you will get nothing!” he spat.

Her lust hazed brain tried to remember what rule she was breaking. As it finally dawned on her, she tucked her left arm behind her back and gave him a questioning look.

“That’s better,” he confirmed. “You may only use one hand, but…” she looked at him expectantly, “you may use your mouth, if you wish.”

Licking her lips, she grasped the end of his belt and tugged, pulling it loose before tucking it through the buckle. Glancing up at him, she bent to take the leather between her teeth and moved backwards to pull it free of the belt loops. It took her a frustratingly long time to pop the button of his jeans using only one hand, but she made quick work of lowering the zipper over his hardened cock.

Instead of pushing his pants down his legs, she straightened up and began unbuttoning his vest. The brass buttons were easier to push through the soft material and she soon had all of them undone. The small shirt buttons were next and she huffed in annoyance before starting on them.

He was growing impatient, anxious to touch her again, the scent of her arousal hitting his nose and making him ache with need. Once his shirt was unbuttoned, he stepped away from her, shrugging out of the vest and stripping off the shirt, then shoving his jeans down, leaving him in only his boxers.

“Now, finish the job, Princess,” he ordered.

Her hand darted out toward the elastic of his underwear, but she pulled it back at the last second. After throwing him a sultry look, she took the waistband in her teeth and lifted it over his swollen erection, dropping to her knees to drag the boxers down his legs. Her hand pushed them over his ass, which she then squeezed.

He used his fingers to tilt her chin up, making her look at him. “Ha-have I earned my reward, Captain?” she asked, her eyes pleading with him.

“Aye, Princess, you have,” he said hoarsely. “Get on the bed. Hands and knees.”

Her eyes widened, understanding his meaning. A slow smile spread across her face and he answered with one of his own. He was quite aware it was one of her favorite positions.

She climbed onto the bed and positioned herself in the middle of it, looking back at him over her shoulder as she swayed her ass back and forth.

He knelt behind her on the mattress, running his hand and hook over the perfect globes in front of him. As his hook slid through the cleft, he bent forward to hold his index finger to her mouth. “Open,” he demanded. She obeyed immediately, sucking and licking his finger when he inserted it, knowing he wanted it to be nice and wet.

Once he was satisfied, he brought his hand back, briefly rimmed her puckered hole, drawing a moan from her, then slid his finger through her folds. She was already slick and ready for him, but he decided to tease her a bit first. He could hear her draw in a breath every time the tip of his finger brushed her opening, but he stopped short of pushing inside. Instead, he bumped it against her clit before drawing it back slowly, over and over. He heard the wet sounds and smelled the strong scent of her arousal.

Deciding to add his hook to the foreplay, he brought it between her legs and began rubbing it against her clit. The effect he was having on her was apparent in the way her thighs were shaking and by the quick gasps coming out of her mouth.

“Killian…” she panted.

He jerked both his hand and hook away immediately.

“Fuck!” she cursed in exasperation, her need for him clouding her brain.

Wanting to bring her attention back to their game, he slapped her lightly on the ass. “Princess,” he growled menacingly, “am I going to have to gag you?”

Suddenly, she realized her mistake. “No, Captain! I’m sorry! I…it won’t happen again!”

He slapped her again, making her jump. “See that it doesn’t, or as punishment, you will have to watch me pleasure myself as you remain bereft of my touch.”

She groaned at the thought. Even though it turned her on to see him stroking himself, to be deprived of his promised rewards would be torture. “Yes, Captain. I understand.”

Satisfied, he resumed his actions, slipping his fingers and hook through her slick folds a few more times until he finally pushed two fingers inside her. She whimpered and thrust her pelvis backwards, seeking even more friction.

He rested his left arm across her lower back and began plunging his fingers in and out of her in earnest. Her hands gripped the sheets until her knuckles were white, her mouth emitting a string of pleading moans. “Pleeeeease, Captain! Oh, pleeease!”

Adding a third finger, he leaned forward and whispered hotly into her ear, “Tell me what you’re begging for, Princess. I want to hear those filthy words falling from that pretty, little mouth.”

She drew in a ragged breath before gasping, “Please, use your hook…make me come. Make me fucking come!”

He grinned and did as she asked, lightly grinding the curve of the hook against her clit as his fingers continued bringing her pleasure. Her arms could no longer hold her and she dropped her head to the mattress. Seeing how close she was, he increased the pressure on her bundle of nerves and she fell apart with a scream of “Yes, yes!”

A wave of frantic need rushed through his body as her walls clamped tightly around his fingers. Pulling them free, he wrapped them around his engorged shaft and lubricated it as he stroked. Grabbing her hips, he plunged inside her.

She widened her stance and turned her head to the side, her searching hands finding a pillow to grip. The sight of her tightly closed eyes and open mouth, puffing out guttural sounds with every thrust he made, had his orgasm slamming into him much sooner than expected. His hot seed shot deep into her as he jerked and rutted against her.

Completely spent, he pulled the brace and hook off of his arm and tossed it on the floor, then withdrew and gently eased her to the mattress. Laying down beside her, he tenderly brushed sweaty, tangled strands of hair out of her face, waiting for her eyes to open. When they did, his breath caught at the depth of love and bliss he saw there.

“You alright, Love?” he asked.

“Mmm, yeah, I’m good,” she murmured. “Really good.”

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he worried.

She brought her hand up to cup his cheek, her thumb softly caressing his bottom lip. “You could never hurt me, my love. I trust you completely. I always feel very comfortable asking you to role play with me.”

His dimpled smile was one of relief and admiration. “I’m glad you do because it’s extremely enjoyable for me.”

She gave him a sleepy smile, and he kissed her briefly, then rolled to the side of the bed. “I’ll get a warm cloth for you, Sweetheart.”

Once he cleaned her and himself, he got their pajamas out of the dresser. They donned them, then cuddled together under the covers, sharing kisses and murmuring endearments into each other’s skin.

Killian was nearly asleep when he heard Emma mumble, “You’re mine, Killian. No one and nothing will ever take you away from me.”

“Aye, that’s right, Love. I’m yours forever. I love you.”

“Love you, too,” she yawned, then fell asleep in his arms.

*********

It seemed working with Killian daily did not cause Zelena to back off. Nearly every evening when he came home, he shared another story of her flirtatious behavior.

“I don’t know what else to do,” he complained to Emma one evening as they relaxed on the sofa together after dinner. “I blatantly twist my wedding band around my finger when talking to her, I put our wedding photo in a prominent spot on my desk where she’s sure to see it when she stops in, and I talk about you all the time. She has to know that I’m very happily married, but it doesn’t phase her.”

“Maybe she’s just that way to every man,” Emma suggested.

“No, I’ve seen her interactions with other men in our department and she acts nothing like that around them. She’s usually very snarky and keeps her distance. Some of the other staff members have even started making remarks about how flirty she is with me.”

She sat up and looked at him. “Do you think you should report her for sexual harrassment?”

He sighed. “I’ve thought of that, but honestly, she hasn’t done anything truly inappropriate; it’s just innuendos and brushing up against me, but never in areas that are strictly off-limits. I don’t want to be downright rude, but I’m not sure how to navigate this short of filing a formal complaint.”

Emma brushed his wayward hair off his forehead then bent to press her lips to it. “If I know my husband, and I do, you don’t want to hurt her feelings by saying anything, but I think it’s time you do. You shouldn’t have to put up with unwanted comments and being touched.”

Heaving another deep sigh, he agreed, “I guess you’re right. I’ll do that next time.”

“Good,” she said, laying her head back down on his chest. “You’ll have to tell me how it goes.”

*********

Two days later he came home and reported that it hadn’t gone well.

“Why? How did she respond?” his wife asked, brows furrowed. The woman was beginning to really get under Emma’s skin. As Killian related the story, her anger started to build. She didn’t see Zelena as a threat to their marriage, but she could see how much it bothered Killian and she wanted it to stop.

*********

“Killian, would you be an absolute dear and help me with my computer?” Zelena said, striding into his office five minutes after his final class of the day ended. “It keeps kicking me off of the Wifi.”

“That sounds like a job for the tech team,” he replied, not looking up from his computer screen, where he was answering an email from one of his students.

She clicked her tongue. “You know how they are - you put in a request and it takes them forever to get back to you.”

“Ask for Jeff. He always shows up as soon as I make a request,” Killian informed her, his fingers still pecking away at the keyboard.

He hadn’t even realized she was behind him until her hand came down on top of his to stop his movements. He sucked in a breath and bit back a sharp retort.

“But I just know you can fix the problem in a heartbeat,” she simpered. “Won’t you please try for little old me?”

Withdrawing his hand from underneath hers, he rolled his chair to the side and spun it around to face her. “Look, Zelena, fixing computers really isn’t my area and I find it very uncomfortable how you’re invading my personal space right now.”

She brought a hand up to her chest as she gave a surprised gasp. “Oh, Dr. Jones, I never meant to make you uncomfortable! How very thoughtless of me!” Instead of moving away from him, she leaned against the edge of his desk and crossed her arms under her breasts, pushing them up and making her ample cleavage more apparent. Her eyes bore into his until he swallowed and looked away. When he did, she barked out a short laugh and quipped, “There’s no reason to be afraid of me, you know. I’m just being…friendly.” Pushing herself away from his desk, she walked her fingers up his bicep to his shoulder.

Gritting his teeth, he reached up and used his index finger and thumb to lift her hand away. “I would very much appreciate it if you would keep your hands to yourself. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a happily married man.”

Laughing again, she walked around his desk, turning to him in the doorway to say, “I really don’t see that as a problem, Dr. Jones.”

*********

Emma’s blood boiled. Was that woman really saying she had no regard for the sanctity of their marriage? It certainly sounded like she meant to continue making the moves on Killian, in spite of him telling her to stay away from him.

“What are you going to do?” she asked her husband.

He shrugged. “I guess I’ll just keep rebuffing her and hope she finally gives up. She’s rather like a gnat - annoying, but not any kind of threat. You know my heart belongs to you.”

“Yeah, and your body, too,” she replied, sliding her hand up inside his shirt and along his ribcage.

“Every. Single. Part. Of. Me,” he said, punctuating each word with a kiss.

*********

Killian was scheduled to attend a three-day conference in Denver during Fall break and Emma cleared her work calendar to go along with him. They planned to stay two more days after the conference was over to spend more time alone together and do some sightseeing.

Then he came home and told her Zelena Green also planned to attend the same conference.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Emma lamented. “Can you not get away from that witch?”

“The good news is she’s on a different flight with the other staff members who are going,” he informed her. “However, she did send me an email asking for my cell phone number so she can contact me while we’re there.”

“She doesn’t already have it? I thought there was a staff directory with all that information.”

“There is, but apparently she hasn’t discovered that yet. It really won’t do her much good anyway because the number in there isn’t correct. Remember how we switched numbers when we added your phone to my plan? I never changed it in the directory.”

Inspiration struck Emma. “Does she know I’m going with you?”

“Nobody does. I didn’t think it was any of their business.”

“Good. Don’t change the number in the directory and tell Zelena she can find your number there,” she grinned. “I have a plan.”

He tilted his head and raised a brow. “Just what are you plotting, my devious wife?”

Giggling, she said, “Let me have some fun with her and maybe when this trip is over, she’ll finally leave you alone.”

*********

After Killian sent the email telling Zelena his number was in the directory, she wasted no time sending a text, which went through to Emma’s phone while she was still at work.

Z: I’m trying to contact Dr. Jones. Please let me know if I have the correct number.

E: You do.

Z: I’m looking forward to going to this conference. It will be nice spending time with you away from campus.

E: Please use this number for professional purposes only.

Z: LOL! Whatever you say, Dr. Jones!

Emma forwarded the conversation to Killian, who replied by sending an eye-rolling emoji.

*********

Killian and Emma arrived in Denver early Monday afternoon a day before the conference. He knew the other three members of the history department, including Zelena, wouldn’t check into the hotel until that evening, having taken a later flight.

The couple had discussed Emma’s ideas for showing the bothersome woman how much they loved each other, hopefully convincing her to stop her flirtatious behavior. To make it happen, they had to use the element of surprise, which meant none of his colleagues could know Emma was with Killian. He wasn’t keen on the idea, not wanting her to have to stay in the hotel room while he spent time with the others, but she assured him she had plenty to do for work and didn’t mind having time to herself to watch movies and catch up on sleep.

In the meantime, they decided to take advantage of their hours alone in the city. They walked hand-in-hand through the streets, enjoying the crisp Autumn air as they window shopped, enjoyed a steak dinner and found a bakery that offered them a variety of sweet treats.

Once they were back in their hotel room, relaxing as they watched Monday Night Football, Emma’s phone dinged with a text. Reading it, a grin slowly spread across her face. “And so it begins,” she said, showing it to her husband.

Z: Just got to the hotel, safe and sound. I’m so happy I have a room to myself. How is your room?

E: It’s a typical hotel room. I’m glad all of you arrived safely.

Z: I might unwind by watching a movie. You’re welcome to join me.

E: No, thank you. Please remember that I’ve asked you to use this number only for professional reasons. I’m expecting to talk to my wife very soon.

Z: Gotta stay in touch with the old ball and chain, huh? LOL!

Emma read the message and scoffed. “I’m not even going to send a response to that.”

“Grand idea, Love,” Killian said, taking her phone and tossing it into the chair across the room. “Now, I’d really like to do what she said and stay in touch with my ball and chain.”

Her giggles at his words soon turned to moans when he used his mouth much more pleasurably.

*********

Killian hated leaving Emma alone when he left the hotel room early the next morning. He wanted to at least eat with her, but the conference was providing breakfast and lunch and he knew his colleagues would wonder why he was eating in his room if he didn’t join them. They settled on having a cup of terrible coffee together from the two-cup coffee maker in the room.

She assured him she had plenty of work to do on her laptop preparing for an upcoming event at the museum, kissed him goodbye, and sent him on his way. As soon as he entered the great hall where the first session would be held, Zelena spotted him and drew his attention by standing, waving madly and shouting, “Over here, Killian!”

Making his way across the room, he felt his face heating as many heads turned his way to see the target of the outburst. He sat in the seat beside Archie, not missing the pout Zelena sent his way because he chose not to sit beside her.

After the opening session, they broke into groups to attend workshops and Killian was relieved to find he was in a different room than Zelena. It was short-lived however, as fifteen minutes after the presentation started, Zelena slid into the vacant chair to his left, loudly whispering that her workshop was ‘as dry as the Mojave Desert’.

Killian tried to stay focused, purposely ignoring her when she kept asking him to explain what the speaker was talking about. He suffered through lunch with her, enduring smirks from Jasmine and Archie, then excused himself to go to the restroom before the afternoon session.

Instead, he went back to his room, breathing a sigh of relief when he was on the other side of the door. He found Emma sitting cross-legged on the bed, her laptop in front of her. She looked up and gave him a beaming smile.

“If I sat like that to work on my computer, I’d have to go to the chiropractor for two weeks,” he laughed.

Hopping up off the bed, she hurried around it to envelop him in a hug. “I didn’t think I’d get to see you until late this afternoon.”

He kissed her temple and muttered against her hair, “I needed a break.”

“From Witchy-poo?” she asked cheekily.

Sighing, he nodded his head and told her about Zelena’s antics that morning, adding, “I really wish Tom hadn’t backed out of this conference. That’s the only reason she was able to come.”

She squeezed him tighter, then pressed her lips to his, murmuring her apologies against them once the kiss ended. When her phone vibrated on the bedside table, she kissed him again, then turned to pick it up.

After glancing at the screen, she bit her lip, trying to hide her mirth.

“What now?” he asked.

“She wants to know what’s taking you so long.”

“Oh, for the love of fuck,” he groaned.

“Do you want me to answer?”

He checked the time on her phone. “No, I’ve got to get back anyway. The next session starts in ten minutes. I’m going to go straight to the room so she won’t know where I am. I feel like I’m playing hide-and-seek.”

She laughed and kissed him one more time before turning him toward the door. “Well, I hope you win, Babe.”

“I already won when I married you,” he quipped.

She giggled. “You’re such a nerd.”

“And you love me for it.”

“Mmhmm, and I’ll be waiting right here to show you how much when you get back,” she said, pinching his ass.

“Bad form, Swan. Now that’s all I’m going to think about for the rest of the afternoon,” he growled.

“Yeah, I know. That’s why I said it,” she smirked.

He spun around and pulled her into his arms, kissing her soundly and leaving her breathless. Then he went out the door, throwing her a shit-eating grin before closing it behind him.

*********

He got through the afternoon workshop without Zelena joining him, but when it was almost over, he got a text from Emma.

E: Thought I would send you this conversation I just had with the witch.

Z: This day has been so dreadfully boring and long. Why don’t we meet this evening for a drink?

E: No, thank you. Jet lag is setting in and I want to get my notes organized from today. Please remember that I’ve asked you to send only professional texts to my phone.

Z: How could I forget? You really need to loosen up a bit, Dr. Jones.

Killian glanced around the room, then tapped out a quick response.

K: Did you end it there?

E: Yeah, I didn’t dignify that with a response.

K: You did well, Love.

The session ended a few minutes later. He sent a text to his colleagues telling them he was ordering in for dinner, then headed straight up to his room, where he and Emma spent a very enjoyable evening together.

*********

The second day of the conference was fairly uneventful and Killian thought he had gotten by without being propositioned by Zelena, but when the group of colleagues met after the last session, they decided to go out to eat together. He knew if he declined again, they might start to feel offended, so he texted Emma.

K: They want to go out to eat this evening. I don’t want to go, but I don’t really have a good excuse to give them.

E: Just go with them, Babe. I’m sure you have a lot to discuss about everything you’ve heard over the last two days. It’s not a big deal. I’ll just call DoorDash. I’ll miss you, but I’ll see you soon.

K: If you insist, but you know I would rather be with you. I love you.

E: I do know and I love you, too.

*********

Killian did end up enjoying dinner and the conversation with his fellow professors. Towards the end of the meal, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and surreptitiously checked it under the table.

E: Z just sent you an invitation to have a drink with her by yourselves after the others have gone to their rooms.

He excused himself to go to the restroom, knowing it would be difficult to answer her at the table. Once he had some privacy, he called his wife. “Did you answer her?” he asked.

“Not yet. Do you want me to mess with her or just make up an excuse?”

“How would you mess with her?”

“Tell her you’ll have a drink, lead her on a little to set her up for meeting me?”

Killian considered for a few seconds. “No, I think I would rather do that tomorrow before she leaves the next day. Besides, I’ve been away from you far too long already, Love.”

“I won’t argue with that,” she agreed. “I’ll fire off a text to her, then. She’s probably wondering why you haven’t responded to her yet.”

“I’m sure she is. I’ll wait in here until you send it. See you in a few, Sweetheart.”

A minute later, he got another text.

E: Okay, told her you want to watch the hockey game and get a good night’s sleep. She sent a frowny face emoji. BTW, I didn’t mention she should only use your phone for professional reasons again. Make her think you’re letting your defenses down a little.

K: You’re bloody brilliant, Swan.

When he returned to the table, Zelena had a distinct pout on her face and he faked a cough to hide his laugh.

*********

“Are you really okay with this plan, Love?” Killian asked the next morning before heading down to the conference.

The evening before, they discussed again how they were going to handle Zelena and hopefully stop her advances once and for all. It depended on her once again asking him to get a drink with her, and they were sure she would play right into their hands.

“Yeah, I have a really good feeling this is going to work,” she replied, then sent him off with a kiss.

*********

After three days of workshops and speakers, the group of colleagues agreed they were ready to relax in their rooms before getting up early to go to the airport. Killian still hadn’t revealed that he was planning to stay two more days and went along with their decision.

He went back to his room, where he and Emma waited for Zelena to send a text.

“Maybe she finally gave up,” Emma said, after waiting almost an hour.

“I don’t believe that for a minute,” Killian said. “I would wager she’s packing or taking a shower first.”

Sure enough, ten minutes later, a message came through Emma’s phone.

Z: It’s our last night here and your last chance to have a drink with me, Killian. What’s the harm in having just one little drink?

Emma shared a smirk with her husband. “Let the fun begin.”

E: Oh, what the hell? Sure, I’ll have a drink with you, but I’d rather not take the risk of our colleagues seeing us. Would you be comfortable coming to my room? I happen to have a bottle of rum.

It took less all of three seconds for the three response bubbles to pop up.

Z: Perfect! What is your room number?

E: 511

Z: I’ll be up in a minute!

E: I’ll be waiting.

Emma grinned at her husband as she went to the closet to grab one of his button-down shirts. “I wasn’t lying. I will be waiting,” she said. “Tap on the door when you’re ready for me to come out. Just don’t let her go too far.”

“You don’t need to worry about that, Love,” he assured her. “The sooner we have this showdown, the better.”

She kissed his cheek, wiping away the telltale lipstick before going into the bathroom and closing the door.

Less than a minute later, there was a knock at the room door. Killian drew in a deep breath, blew it out slowly, then opened it to reveal Zelena standing there, dressed in a short, black dress with a low, scooped neckline and black heels at least four inches high.

Without waiting for an invitation, she glided past him into the room. “I was afraid you were going to let this golden opportunity pass by,” she grinned wickedly.

“Golden opportunity?” he questioned.

“You know,” she purred, stepping close to him and walking the fingers of both hands up his chest, “being here without your wife. As the saying goes, when the cat’s away, the mice will play. Or in this case, it’s the cat who is doing the playing. Me-ow!”

“So,” he said, stealthily moving in front of the bathroom door, “I guess that makes you a mouse?” His fingers lightly rapped against the door.

“It does if you intend to play with…” Zelena began, cutting off when the bathroom door opened and Emma stepped out, dressed in nothing but Killian’s shirt and her underwear.

Killian would have given anything to have a picture of Zelena’s face the moment she spotted Emma. Her jaw dropped and her eyes went as wide as saucers.

“Zelena, I’d like to introduce you to my wife, Emma Jones,” he said, trying to keep the mirth out of his voice.

“Your w-wife?” she squeaked.

“It’s good to finally meet you,” Emma said, interlacing her fingers over her husband’s shoulder, thoroughly enjoying the stunned look on the other woman’s face. “And just to clear things up, he might want to play, but it will be with me, not a rat like you.”

“But…you…we…how…?” Zelena stammered.

“You see,” Emma began, “Killian has been telling me about how uncomfortable you’re making him at work, and how he’s tried to rebuff your advances. Since you’ve chosen to ignore his wishes, we thought we would stage this little intervention. What you need to understand is, he’s MY husband and you WILL stop making innuendos and touching him. Am I making myself perfectly clear?”

When Zelena didn’t answer, but just stood there gaping like a fish out of water, Killian spoke up, “I think you stated that quite succinctly, Mrs. Jones.”

“Why, thank you very much, Mr. Jones. I don’t want to leave any doubt in her mind that she is to leave you alone. Unless, of course, she wants you to file sexual harassment charges against her. We do have all of her texts as proof.”

They both turned their eyes back to Zelena, who flushed a deep shade of red, her face morphing from shock to fury. “How dare you…” she sputtered.

Emma dropped her hands and took a determined step forward into the other woman’s space, pointing her finger at her. “No, how dare YOU! Killian has told you time and time again that he’s married, but you’ve ignored him!” Emma’s eyes narrowed in challenge. “This isn’t a game you want to play with me, Ms. Green, because I will win! My husband and I have vowed to love, honor, and cherish each other until death do us part, and we meant every word with all our hearts. You have no idea what I’m capable of when it comes to protecting our marriage! There’s not a chance in hell I’ll let a two-bit hussy like you come between us!”

Zelena audibly gulped, her eyes darting back and forth from Emma to Killian, who was now standing beside his wife. Still, she gave no response confirming her understanding.

Killian cleared his throat. “If you continue to disregard our wishes, I’ll have no choice but to take my concerns to the head of the department, and the Dean, if necessary. Is it really worth your career to continue this futile pursuit?”

Zelena finally seemed to overcome her shock. Crossing her arms over her chest, she spat, “You would never do that.”

“If you refuse to stop, I won’t hesitate,” he assured her. “I love my job and have always enjoyed working with the people in the department, but I’ve been on edge ever since you started there. This comes to an end right now, Zelena.”

His wife noticed the challenge the other woman still had in her eyes. Grabbing Killian’s tie, Emma pulled him to her and kissed him passionately. His arms wrapped around her, his hand tangling in her hair.

Both of them were breathless when the kiss finally ended several seconds later. Momentarily forgetting about their company, they rested their foreheads together and licked their lips, humming their satisfaction.

“I suppose you’re trying to prove a point with that display?” Zelena sneered.

Emma’s brows knit together as she glared at her. “You seem like an intelligent person - figure it out.”

Zelena widened her stance and placed her fisted hands on her hips. “What kind of answer do you expect me to give you?”

“Maybe I don’t need answers,” Emma ground out. “Maybe I just need to punch you in the face!”

Taking a step forward, Zelena gritted her teeth and snarled, “Bring. It. On.”

Killian stepped between them. “That’s enough!” he declared. “Zelena, trust me, you do not want to challenge my wife. You have exactly zero chance of being with me. Zero. Get that through your head. I’m completely, utterly, hopelessly in love with Emma. Nothing you, or anyone else, says or does is ever going to change that.”

He felt Emma’s arms wrap around his waist and he tugged her closer, before continuing to address Zelena, “Now, you have two choices - we have a completely professional relationship from now on, or you prepare to answer for your actions. Which is it going to be?”

Zelena’s eyes shifted between the two people in front of her, both of them staring back at her while they embraced each other. After a few moments, her countenance changed from defiance to surly submission. “Oh, fine. I choose the professional relationship, Dr. Jones. I don’t know why you both got so up-in-arms about this anyway. I was just trying to have a little fun.”

“It might have started out that way, but you carried it way too far, sister,” Emma said firmly.

Zelena shot her one last glare before striding past the couple towards the door.

“Zelena?” Killian called out.

“What?” she asked, not turning to face him.

“I hope you have a safe flight back. I’ll see you at work on Monday.”

She glanced back over her shoulder, an angry but defeated look on her face, then she exited, the door clicking shut behind her.

Killian looked down at the woman in his arms. “You are a force to be reckoned with, Mrs. Jones,” he said fondly.

“You should have let me hit her,” Emma commented.

He chuckled. “As enjoyable as that would have been for me to watch, I’m sure Zelena is just the type of person to press assault charges. It was enough seeing you threaten her.”

“Nobody messes with my man and gets away with it,” she smirked.

“I rather like this possessive side of you, Love.”

“Yeah? Does it turn you on?”

“Very much. And you know how much I love seeing you wearing one of my shirts,” he said, the deep timbre of his voice sending shivers down her spine.

She pulled his face down to kiss him, long and hard, whispering against his lips when it ended, “Lock the door.”

“As you wish,” he said, hurrying to do as he was told.

By the time he turned back, she had already crawled into the middle of the bed, where she sat with her legs folded beneath her. She beckoned him forward with a crooked finger and he obliged, climbing onto the mattress and kneeling in front of her.

She undid his tie and pulled it from under his collar, then got to work on the buttons of his shirt.

“What, uh, what are your plans for me, Mrs. Jones?” he wondered, his breath catching as her fingers found his skin.

“I want you to make love to me to show just how completely, utterly and hopelessly in love with me you are, Mr. Jones.”

“Now, that’s an assignment I don’t mind getting one bit,” he growled, nosing behind her ear, his tongue teasing the lobe.

She removed his shirt, then ran her hands over the strong muscles of his shoulders and back. “God, I love your body, Killian. I can never get enough of you.”

“I hope you never do,” he answered. His fingers managed to unbutton the shirt she was wearing and pushed it aside, finding her breasts and beginning to caress them.

“I…I won’t,” she mumbled, eyes closing as his thumb brushed over her left nipple. No matter how many times they had been intimate in their years together, his touch never failed to leave fire in its wake.

He bent his head to pull the hardened nipple into his mouth. “Say you’re mine, Emma. I love it when you say that.”

Pushing her chest more firmly into his touch, she moaned, “I am yours, Killian. My heart, body and soul are yours and always will be.”

Easing her back onto the mattress, he made quick work of removing her panties, then scooted backwards, hooking his arms under her knees and dragging her with him. Once he was kneeling on the floor at the end of the bed, his gaze moved up her body. Her eyes were still closed, her fingers plucking at her breasts, a sight which hardened his cock immediately.

He lifted her legs to rest on his shoulders, spread her folds with his fingers and licked her from core to clit. Hearing her moan his name in long, drawn-out syllables, he licked her again, then flicked his tongue against her bundle of nerves.

She was so wet, two of his fingers easily entered her, his thumb rubbing circles over her clit. Her warm walls clenched around his digits, pulling them in further. “Killiannnn,” she sighed, “please…faster, deeper…more…”

He grinned, knowing exactly what she wanted. After pumping his fingers into her a few more times in quick succession, he added a third, eliciting a keening wail from her, then bent to suck her clit between his lips.

Emma’s body bucked against him, her orgasm causing her to shudder and shake as she shouted his name. He kept his fingers inside her, enjoying the feeling of her slick walls throbbing around them. When she finally stilled, he pulled them out and made quick work of removing his trousers, underwear and prosthesis.

She watched him through hooded eyes, slowly sliding herself back up the bed. As soon as he laid down beside her, she reached for his erection, sliding her hand up and down, feeling the velvety skin slide over his steel shaft.

He could easily get lost in the sensations her hand was producing, but he focused on pleasing his lady. His tongue blazed a path from her ear lobe, down her throat and across her collarbone, stopping every so often to suck a mark into her skin. He knew she loved seeing them in the mirror the next day, marking her as his.

When he stopped to take a breath, she put her hand on his shoulder, pushing him onto his back. Locking eyes with him, she climbed over him, sliding her hand around his cock as she positioned herself over him. “This,” she growled, giving it a squeeze, “belongs to me.”

“It’s yours,” he agreed. “Only yours, my love.”

Lifting her hips, she lined herself up and sank down around him. Both of them groaned in unison at the nearly overwhelming pleasure of being exactly where they wanted to be.

“Ride me, Love,” he gasped.

She did, slowly at first, undulating her hips, but picking up speed as their skin slapped together. His hand and wrist found her breasts, squeezing, rubbing and fondling them as they bounced above him.

As their lovemaking intensified, he gripped her hips and thrust up into her. Their shouted words of bliss filled the room and they found their climax together. The aftershocks rippled through their bodies as she collapsed on top of him, boneless and sated.

He drew the sheet over their cooling bodies once he was able to move and they lay motionless for several minutes, their ragged breathing returning to normal.

Finally, she raised up and crossed her arms over his chest, looking into his beloved face. His bright smile brought one of her own to her lips. “What?” she asked, wondering what was going through his mind.

“I’m just thinking how much I love it when you’re possessive.”

“Some men wouldn’t,” she conceded.

“Well, I’m not one of those men.”

“I’m very happy to hear that, because I imagine this won’t be the last time I’ll have to remind other women that this silver fox is all mine.”

He grinned. “They’ll learn not to take on the incomparable Mrs. Jones.”

*********

Thank you for reading, liking, leaving comments and reblogging, if you’re so inclined. Happy belated birthday, @cs-rylie​. I’m so happy to have you as my friend!

Tagging: @xsajx​ @hookedmom​ @kymbersmith-90​ @kmomof4​ @lassluna​​ @pirateherokillian​ @teamhook​ @stahlop​ @elizabeethan​ @whimsicallyenchantedrose​ @resident-of-storybrooke​​ @therooksshiningknight​ @jennjenn615​ @lfh1226-linda​​ @ilovemesomekillianjones​ @killianswannn​ @stories-enchanted​​ @eleveneitherway​ @withheartfulloflove​ @kday426​​ @lyssapup27​​ @swanlovato @djlbg​ @kristi555​ @laschatzi​ @xarandomdreamx​​ @lkles08​​ @wyntereyez​​ @bubblegum1425​​ @xhookswenchx​​ @yasbio2015​​ @tiganasummertree​​ @winterbaby89​​ @wefoundloveunderthelight​​ @hollyethecurious​​ @let-it-raines​​ @jonesfandomfanatic​​ @searchingwardrobes​​ @dreamingdreamsalways​​ @oncechicagolove​​ @andiirivera​​  @gingerchangeling​​ @everything-person​​ @klynn-stormz​​ @qualitycoffeethings​​ @vampcoffeegyrl23​​ @enchanted-swans​​ @ohmakemeahercules​​ @donteattheappleshook​​ @bluewildcatfanatic​​ @the-darkdragonfly​​ @demisexualemmaswan​​ @lavenderbudd​​ @grimmswan​​ @spartanguard​​ @flslp87​​ @ultraluckycatnd​​ @thisonesatellite​​ @captainswan21​​ @zaharadessert​​ @mariakov81​​ @snowbellewells​​ @xouatxcs​​ @kiwistreetswan​​ @batana54​​ @nadine200179​​ @probalicious17​​ @courtorderedcake​​ @julesep3026​​ @jackieorioncat​​ @whatthehell102082​​ @jarienn972​​ @sthonour​​ @linda8084​​  @pirateprincesslena​​ @daxx04​​ @winterbythesea​​ @artistic-writer​​ @cocohook38​​ @captainswan4life85​​ @molly958​​ @kingofmyheart14​​ @badwolfreturns​​ @itsfridaysomewhere​​@fallingforthecaptain​​  @onceratheart18​​ @strangestarlighttree​​ @omgmarvelousmorgan​​ @justanother-unluckysoul​​ @mrs-potato-but-likes-tomato​​ @anothersworld​​ @deckerstarblanche​​ @purplehawkcaptain​​  @superchocovian​​ @k-leemac​​ @citygirlscowboy​​ @laughterandbooks​​ @sotangledupinit​​ @apiratewhopines​​ @huntressandlioness1​​ @cosette141​​  @gingerpolyglot​​ @motherkatereloyshipper​​ @cs-rylie​

[disregardandfelicity]

Jones confirms that, just like in Rice’s books, Armand is the one who turns Daniel into a vampire. “Will we see that moment of turning? No, but Armand finally made a vampire and clearly made him out of spite,” he says with a laugh. “It looks like it was really not a great moment [between him and Daniel], but that connects those two characters. They will have scenes going forward, obviously.”

say sike right now

[icebluecyanide]

I saw people talking about that scene where Yassen shot Max as a huge betrayal of Alex and it's kinda funny to me like yeah he involved Alex in a murder but also I cannot emphasise enough that Alex decided to join a criminal organisation. People have been telling him he'll need to kill for days now, Alex has watched them kill multiple people already, I get that it sucks for him but you cannot team up with a known killer and be that shocked when actually his secret extra mission was to kill

[sherrylephotography]

My photography @sherrylephotography

1/24

Pushy cat

Pushy cat

I love you

Yes I do

You and your pushy cat ways

Whoa, whoa, whoa

Submitting to @mostlycatsmostly

[weregonnabecoolbeans]

Finally on “The Crocodile” in my OUAT rewatch!!!!

Let’s Goooo!!!!!

[thebibliomancer]

Thanos is really digging himself into a hole here.

[permanentreverie]

tag 9 people you want to get to know better

tagged by @puddleglumms akdjwjdj I'm so honoured!!

three ships: off the top of my head? Jude and Cardan from The Folk of the Air trilogy, Mr Gu and Yeom Mijeong from My Liberation Notes, and uhhh Anya and Dmitry from Anastasia

last song: Promise by Jimin 🥹🥹🫶🏻🫶🏻 it's been 84 years but we FINALLY have it on Spotify!!!! We won!!!

last movie: just finished watching Chicago (2003) with my sister for the first time and I actually really enjoyed it!!

currently reading: just started Hell Bent by Leigh Bardugo, and I SAY I'm rereading Les Miserables by Victor Hugo but I haven't touched it in like 2 months lol

currently watching: oh boy. Ummm Call It Love, Girl From Nowhere, and W Two Worlds for Asian dramas; Daisy Jones and the Six; and Bungo Stray Dogs, Yuri on Ice, and I guess I need to start the final season of Attack on Titan for Anime

currently consuming: I just finished a glass of chocolate milk and snacking on a bowl of nuts

currently craving: any food tbh. Our dinner is almost ready I'm just ready to eat

tagging @thebirdandhersong @thecoolestfreakyouknow @cordiallyfuturedwight @wellmanneredthief

[carefulignorantghost]

Amy Winehouse quotes

[fantasticgothicpeachsludge]

Watching dial of destiny while having a massive crush on Mads Mikkelsen is a very challenging experience

[hotvintagepoll]

Congrats to the ultimate winner of the Hot & Vintage Movie Men Tournament, Mr. Toshiro Mifune! May he live happily and well where the sun always shines, enjoying the glories of a battle hard fought.

A loving farewell to all of our previous contestants, who are now banished to the shadow realm and all its dark joys and whispered horrors—I hear there's a picnic on the village green today. If you want to remember the fallen heroes, you can find them all beneath the cut.

What happens next? I'll be taking a break of two weeks to rest from this and prep for the Hot & Vintage Ladies Tournament. I'll still be around but only minimally, posting a few last odes to the hot men before transitioning into a little early ladies content, just like I did with this last tournament. The submission form for the Hot & Vintage Ladies tournament will remain up for one more week (closing February 21st), so get your submissions in for that asap! Once the form closes, there will be one more week of break. The first round of the Hot & Vintage Ladies Tournament will be posted on February 29th, as Leap Year Day seems like a fitting allusion to leaping into these ladies' arms.

Thanks for being here! Enjoy the two weeks off, and send me some great propaganda.

In order of the last round they survived—

ROUND ONE HOTTIES:

Richard Burton

Tony Curtis

Red Skelton

Keir Dullea

Jack Lemmon

Kirk Douglas

Marcello Mastroianni

Jean-Pierre Cassel

Robert Wagner

James Garner

James Coburn

Rex Harrison

George Chakiris

Dean Martin

Sean Connery

Tab Hunter

Howard Keel

James Mason

Steve McQueen

George Peppard

Elvis Presley

Rudolph Valentino

Joseph Schildkraut

Ray Milland

Claude Rains

John Wayne

William Holden

Douglas Fairbanks Sr.

Harold Lloyd

Charlie Chaplin

John Gilbert

Ramon Novarro

Slim Thompson

John Barrymore

Edward G. Robinson

William Powell

Leslie Howard

Peter Lawford

Mel Ferrer

Joseph Cotten

Keye Luke

Ivan Mosjoukine

Spencer Tracy

Felix Bressart

Ronald Reagan (here to be dunked on)

Peter Lorre

Bob Hope

Paul Muni

Cornel Wilde

John Garfield

Cantinflas

Henry Fonda

Robert Mitchum

Van Johnson

José Ferrer

Robert Preston

Jack Benny

Fredric March

Gene Autry

Alec Guinness

Fayard Nicholas

Ray Bolger

Orson Welles

Mickey Rooney

Glenn Ford

James Cagney

ROUND TWO SWOONERS:

Dick Van Dyke

James Edwards

Sammy Davis Jr.

Alain Delon

Peter O'Toole

Robert Redford

Charlton Heston

Cesar Romero

Noble Johnson

Lex Barker

David Niven

Robert Earl Jones

Turhan Bey

Bela Lugosi

Donald O'Connor

Carman Newsome

Oscar Micheaux

Benson Fong

Clint Eastwood

Sabu Dastagir

Rex Ingram

Burt Lancaster

Paul Newman

Montgomery Clift

Fred Astaire

Boris Karloff

Gilbert Roland

Peter Cushing

Frank Sinatra

Harold Nicholas

Guy Madison

Danny Kaye

John Carradine

Ricardo Montalbán

Bing Crosby

ROUND THREE SMOKESHOWS:

Marlon Brando

Anthony Perkins

Michael Redgrave

Gary Cooper

Conrad Veidt

Ronald Colman

Rock Hudson

Basil Rathbone

Laurence Olivier

Christopher Plummer

Johnny Weismuller

Clark Gable

Fernando Lamas

Errol Flynn

Tyrone Power

Humphrey Bogart

ROUND 4 STUNGUNS:

James Dean

Cary Grant

Gregory Peck

Sessue Hayakawa

Harry Belafonte

James Stewart

Gene Kelly

Peter Falk

QUARTERFINALIST VOLCANIC TOWERS OF LUST:

Jeremy Brett

Vincent Price

James Shigeta

Buster Keaton

SEMIFINALIST SUPERMEN:

Omar Sharif

Paul Robeson

FINALIST FANTASIES:

Sidney Poitier

Toshiro Mifune

and ok, sure, here's the shadow-bracket-style winner's portrait of Toshiro Mifune.

[yourgirlmary]

i will... follow you down the sick drain... when i lean on, on the sink... don't worry, don't worry... don't worry baby... you will, you will never stink so bad.......

[gothicprep]

i've been meaning to write something for a while now about how misinformation is not a partisan issue, it's just an issue in general. i was mulling over writing something about how infowars waterboards statistics into saying whatever alex jones wants – i'll still probably do that in the future – but it's not something that exactly supports my thesis here.

but, lucky me, i had a perfect example fall into my lap this week.

so, was andrew tate taken into custody over twitter beef with greta thunberg? the short answer is "no" but i'll elaborate.

here's the primary romanian news report about the cops taking the tate brothers into custody. the way that this has been reported in US news media has basically been that a pizza box in andrew tate's video response to thunberg helped romanian authorities confirm his location. here's a daily beast article that insinuates this:

In a video rant he uploaded to Twitter, in which he smoked a cigar and tried to brush off the online spat, he unwittingly displayed a pizza box from a local pizza chain—alerting authorities looking for him to his presence in the country.

here's the problem with that, though – none of the romanian journalists who reported on this story said anything about the pizza box thing. there's also a huge problem with these stories just... citing each other.

if you dig through the citation loop long enough, you end on this daily star article that cites tweets (jurnelism!) from, of course, alejandra caraballo

According to Alejandra Caraballo, a writer and clinical instructor posting on Twitter: “Romanian authorities needed proof that Andrew Tate was in the country so they reportedly used his social media posts.

(as an aside, if you follow her on twt, i'd heavily recommend against doing that. she spews bullshit like her life depends on it and i think this is inexcusable.)

these are caraballo's tweets in question:

the source for this is the romanian article i linked to earlier in this post. it doesn't say any of this. at least, the english translated version of it doesn't. for what it's worth, i'm not a romanian speaker, and i don't have any benchmark for judging if google's translation service is missing linguistic nuances. here's what it actually says:

Sources close to the investigation stated, for Gândul , that shortly after the completion of the computer expertise, the authorities waited for the right moment to catch the Tate brothers, who were always out of the country.

After seeing, including on social networks, that they were together in Romania, the DIICOT prosecutors mobilized the special troops of the Gendarmerie and descended, by force, on their villa in Pipera, but also on other addresses.

it's also probably worth pointing out that tate's villa was previously searched in april. while the article does say that social media was used to help confirm their location, it doesn't say anything about pizza boxes. and, like, given that tate is a prolific social media poster and was tweeting out videos of romania on sunday, i think it's safe to assume they had a wealth of other information to go off.

and if you don't want to take my word for it, nyt and wapo both reported that the spokesperson for the romanian prosecutor presiding over the case denied the pizza box thing:

Speculation online centered on whether a distinctive pizza box featured in one of Mr. Tate’s tweets to Ms. Thunberg had helped lead the authorities to him, but Ramona Bolla, a spokeswoman for the Directorate for the Investigation of Organized Crime and Terrorism, told The New York Times on Friday that that was not the case.

anyway, ain't it funny how caraballo's made the fuck up pizza tweet got 76 million views, 97k retweets, and 525k likes, while her appended correction got 78k views, 100 retweets, and 820 likes. her initial "source: my mind" tweet is still up. ain't. it. funny.

[happiestpenguin]

y'know that part in (ghost) riders in the sky that’s like “the riders loped on by him and he heard one call his name” and then the brass just goes ba bababa baaa in response? i think we are truly limiting ourselves by making names only with like words is it not enough to just call yourself a melodic progression and be done with it

[bet-on-me-13]

Danny runs for Mayor P.2

kgned3Part 1

Some more snippets of the Gotham Mayor Danny AU!

...

Danny would absolutely try to hire some of the Rouges as his Mayoral Cabinet, I can just imagine Waylon Jones, the Killer Croc, in a Suit and Slacks sitting in a the Mayors Office while awkwardly holding his resume.

Danny: So, Mr. Jones, why do you think we should hire you? Waylon: Well sir, I have something of a reputation and I feel like I would be an amazing Bodyguard. Danny: OK, one question though. What is your opinion on Clowns? Waylon: I don’t like them. Danny: Hired!

...

Danny: Now, Mr Nygma, what do you think you would bring to my office? Edward: Well sir, I am fairly well known for my expert planning and timing skills. Also I can give you fun riddles whenever you want! Danny: Hmmm, that’s definitely a good point. One question, if needed, will you attack a clown on sight? Edward: Yes? Danny: Hired!

...

Danny: Now, I can see that you used to have a very reputable resume Mr. Dent. Harvey: Thank you sir. Danny: I can’t see any reason to refuse your application, but I do have one question. Do you like Clowns? Harvey: Uhm...yes? Danny: I am sorry dir, but I am going to have to reject your application for a job in the Mayors office. Mr Jones, please escort this man out 

...

Danny would absolutely do an amazing job in decreasing the crime rate, just by virtue of the fact that his very presence is destabilizing the Curses put on the City.

But at the same time, his policies are also very efficient, based on Gen Z Humor/Ideas

Danny: As my new Law states, every year the most rich person in the City will be forced to give up 70% of their assets to Charity. You can avoid this by donating as much as possible in the weeks leading up to the Sacrifice Day, whoever donates the most is exempt from the choosing even if they are the Richest, we will then move on to the second Richest, and so on Reporter: Sir, isn’t this just the “Winner Of Capitalisms” Prompt from Tumblr? Danny: Yes.

...

Batman: Why did you just pass a Law that states that all Vigilantes are given the right to kill? Danny: Because I accidentally hired every villain in Gotham, so now there is nobody to try and bribe me. And if nobody tries to bribe me, then nobody realizes that I will only accept bribes if the Joker is dead, like I said in my Campaign. I know that you guys have a no-kill rule, but I know at least one of you who would jump at the chance  Batman: *realizes that Dick has already killed the Joker once, Jason is actively attempting to every day, Tim is chaos incarnate and would do it to feel included, and Damian just really wants to let loose* Well played...

...

Danny: Vlad, I am serious. Leave me alone or I will put you in Soup Jail for 3 months! Vlad: FINE! I’ll just go possess another Billionaire to force them to give me their company again Batman, listening from outside the window: What the f-

...

Danny in every conversation with the Batfamily: I re-respect your decision to not tak-take a life...but I must insist you kill the Joker...for the good of the peephol-People! He is not a good inf-influence on this city and he must be des...troyed. Batman: *Wondering why he sounds like he is reading from a script* Um, I don’t think thats a good idea? Lady Gotham: *Standing behind Batman with some Cue Cards, trying to communicate with her Knights through Danny* *Thumbs Up* Danny: Also I wanted to say that you need to- oh um, ok- to get over the deaths of your parents and grieve in a healthy way instead of adopting every child you see. You are doing a great job kid, parentheses, do not read this par- Oh-Oops. Batman: Hm. I’m not even going to question that anymore.

...

Tag List:

@skulld3mort-1fan @kgne-k @deatlive @alcorbearson @we-ezer @auralykos @dakkapel @alinmenttreasure @lord-of-0blivion @countessdragon @naluforever3 @fylylowo @shadow-otaku20 @dannyphantomphan @heirxofxtime @ourrechte-blog @fantasticbluebirdfan @imnotgrimmjustagrumpyreader @mssagoberattare @elvesandlanterns @space-dreams-world @lizz-blizt @stargirl1331 @totallysmores-blog @screamingtofillthevoid @malice-of-the-sunrise @olivethetreebitch @addie-lover-of-stories @thatonegaybitch68 @asphyxia778 @top7879 @biance-hooks123 @runfromthemedic @dionysuss-big-naturals @the-legal-shipper @icepopstar5105us @

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Part two to this story

After Jason's cruel display and your identity of Eddie's admirer being public knowledge, you're sure he will be disgusted. He hates you and your friends doesn't he?

Turns out you're in for a big surprise.

Minors shoo! Angst, fluff, sweet Eddie and reader taking no shit.

If you have any requests then send me an ask. My request rules are in my pinned post ❤️

🎀💌

Hellfire Slut. The words had practically burned into your brain as you tossed and turned in bed. Jason's cruelty was nothing new but you didn't think he'd ever go this far.

It was bad enough that Eddie's best friend had caught you in the act of delivering the notes and the thought he could spill all to Eddie, you didn't expect your secret to come out in such a public way.

The notes that you had poured your heart to Eddie had been clear to see by everyone and you felt sick to your stomach. You didn't care that people knew you were smitten with Eddie, it was the fact that he was probably disgusted that you had feelings for him.

You dreaded going to school but you knew you had to face Eddie and Jason at some point. It didn't stop nightmares plaguing your mind all night about what would happen come first period.

...

Homeroom was the first thing today before any other classes, you try not to draw attention to yourself as you slide into a seat at the back of class. However it feels like all eyes are on you today, Chrissy takes the seat beside you and holds your hand giving it a tight squeeze, it makes you feel a tiny bit better.

Mrs Jones isn't in class yet so chatter buzzes around you incessantly, your skin tingles as you feel Eddie's gaze on you a few times, try not to look up into those pretty brown eyes.

One of Jason's friends called Tyler smirks at you, he's sitting beside Jason and says loudly for all to hear. "So little miss perfect likes a freak in the sheets huh? Who would have thought?" there's a little ripple of laughter that's quelled by Chrissy's vicious glare. She's normally a sweetie so seeing her pissed shut everyone up.

Ignore him. Just ignore him you chant in your head but he still continues. "You know I was going to ask you out but fuck that. You're a dumb little bitch"

There's a collective silence as you hear Eddie's metal lunchbox drop to the floor. To your surprise he's glaring daggers at Tyler, you also notice that his knuckles are bruised. What the hell happened?

"Oooh you're in luck sweetcheeks, maybe Munson likes you back and the two of you can be freaks together"

You're fraying control over being calm snaps. Screw this. You weren't going to sit and let him run his mouth or let anyone like him or Jason make you cry again.

"You can admit to everyone you're jealous Tyler it's okay. We all heard about the little problem you have, Stacy told us all about how disappointing you are" you fake a sympathetic smile at him and his eyes nearly bug out of his sockets.

Jason looks ready to say something but you don't give the satisfaction of listening to the bullshit he says. "I couldn't be less interested in what you have to say Carver, you're a pathetic, nasty little worm"

While sassing Jason you miss the look of awe on Eddie's face. Gareth snorts at Eddie's stunned look.

"Dude, I really do think I'm in love" Eddie murmurs sounding almost reverent. Gareth sighs. Maybe now Eddie knew it was you that sent the notes the two of you could get together and he could get a minute of peace.

Meanwhile you lean back in your seat relieved as Mrs Jones comes in. There's still a question that's nagging at you though.

"Chrissy, why are Eddie's knuckles bruised?"and that's when Chrissy launches into the tale of how Eddie punched Jason after you left yesterday.

Hearing this makes a small bubble of hope build up inside of you. Maybe just maybe Eddie feeling the same for you might not be as hopeless as you first thought.

...

After a few fruitless attempts Eddie manages to track you down as you're coming out of cheer practice with Chrissy. She gives you an impish, knowing smile as she leaves you and Eddie to talk.

Telling Jason and Tyler what you thought about them made you feel a little bit better for a while, boosted your shattered confidence but now Eddie was around and you could feel that confidence crack.

What was he about to say? Was he going to tell you he was disgusted?

"You don't have to be nervous princess" you feel your nerves dissipate at his soothing tone.

"I know you thought the notes were a joke but they aren't Eddie, I've really fallen for you. I was crushing on you for such a long time. That's why I wrote the notes in the first place, I was worried if I told you in person that you would be disappointed" the words all come out in a rush and you feel relieved getting it all out.

He shakes his head. "I mean I would have been surprised but the way you spoke in the notes...how could you ever think I'd ever be disappointed sweetheart?" His words fill you with hope, a warm and fuzzy feeling in your chest.

"You know because I'm from the dark side" you murmur and he frowns. His hand reaches out to hold yours and you wince at the bruising on his knuckles.

"You didn't need to do that Eddie, I don't want you hurt" he shrugs as if it's no big deal.

"It was worth it. You're worth it"

Eddie gently takes your hand and kisses it, "I fell in love with you through what you said sweetheart, I want to know all about you. I don't give a fuck about who you're friends with or if you're part of the dark side. I just want to be with you".

A slow smile works it's way on your face and you lean forward and kiss him, continue kissing him until you're both a little dazed and smiling goofily at each other.

"Uh maybe we could go out for Milkshakes after school, if you want princess?" you nod feeling the bubble of excitement in your belly.

After all that worrying you were going on your first date with Eddie and you couldn't wait.

Maybe happy endings were possible after all ❤️