#tbd maybe idk

[inkskinned]

it is hard to explain without sounding vain or stupid - but the more attractive others find you, the more you're allowed to do. the easier your life is.

i have been on both sides of this. i am queer and cuban. i grew up poor. for a long time i didn't know "how" to dress - and i still don't. i make my sister pick out any important outfits. i have adhd in spades: i was never "cool and quiet", i was the weird kid who didn't understand how "normal" people behave. i was bullied so hard that the "social outcasts" wouldn't even talk to me.

i got my teeth straightened. i cut my hair and learned how to style it. i got into makeup. it didn't matter, at first, if i actually liked what i was doing - it mattered how people responded to it. like a magic trick; the right dress and winged eyeliner and suddenly i was no longer too weird for all of it. i could wear the ugly pokemon shirt and it was just "ironic" or a "cute interest."

when i am seen as pretty, people listen. they laugh at my jokes. they allow me to be weird and a little spacey. i can trust that if i need something, people will generally help me. privilege suddenly rushes in: pretty does buy things. pretty people get treated more gently.

i am the same ugly little girl, is the thing. still odd. still not-quite-fitting-in. still scrambling. still angry and afraid and full of bad things. of course it became my obsession. of course i stopped eating. i had seen, in real time, the exact way it could change my life - simply always be perfect, and things can be easy. people will "overlook" all the other things. i used to have panic attacks at the idea others would see me without makeup - what would they think? even for a simple friend hangout, i'd spend a few hours getting ready. after all, it seemed so obvious to me: these people liked me because i was pretty.

i worry about how much i'm being a bad activist: i understand that "pretty" is determined by white, het, cis, able-bodied hegemonies. if i was really an ally, wouldn't i rally against all of this? recently there's been a "clean girl" trend which copies latinx aesthetics: dark slicked-back hair, hoop earrings. i almost never wear my hair like that; i can hear the middle school guidance counsellor advising me that i might fare better if i toned it down on the culture.

the problem is that i can take pretty on and off. that i have seen how different my life is on a day where i try and a day where i don't. i told my therapist i want to believe the difference is confidence, but it's not. and when you have seen it, you can't unsee it. it lives inside your brain. it rots there; taunting. i get rewarded for following the rules. i am punished for breaking them. end of story.

pretty people can get what they want. pretty people can feel confident without others asking where they got their nerve from. pretty people can be weird and different. pretty people get to have emotions; it's different when they get aggressive, it's pretty when they cry with frustration.

of course people care about this. of course it has crawled into you. of course you want to be seen as attractive. it's not vanity: it's self-preservation.

[maxverstappentv]

outside of the obvious issues with fanfiction breaching containment, do people not feel shame and embarrassment these days?😭 like when i was younger and in other fandoms, i was mortified by the thought of my friends finding out what my interests were or that i read fanfics like there was no way i'd be shoving it in the faces of the actual people being wrote about

[princington]

naliligaw, nauuhaw

kailangan ko ikaw

[vodoriga-art]

A ghost told me the duergar king is going to kick my butt extra hard because I shot his son through the skull as if that wasn’t a skill issue on Durth’s part.

[thecreelhouse]

writing a eulogy is so hard lol

[inproelia]

OutofFlames --; My writing took a massive hit but I'm back to try again. I noticed from just scrolling through my dash that there's been a lot of drama.

I hope everyone is doing alright.

That being said though, while it is within your own right to protect your peace - one does not have to do so by demonizing and forming a witch hunt against another party.

We're here writing very adult and dark themes based on a very mature and twisted video game.

Whatever someone explores in a work of fiction should not be policed. You may not like it and it may even disgust you - but it hurts no one and should not reflect on the integrity of the writer.

By all means, block the posts you don't wish to see but don't shame or attack anyone for the way something made you feel.

[moonwoodcollective]

ive said this many many times in my life, but isaiah is THE single most important character i ever made and ever will write. the only reason im alive is because of him, nd im nto being even the slightest bit dramatic or exaggerating when i say that

[josephslittledeputy]

John Seed x Junior Deputy Aesthetic

[serwaymarroyce]

My morning is going beautifully lmfao

[spicyraeman]

i am constantly thinking about how young Lae'zel is and how underutilized that is in fandom

[lady-arryn]

my gifsets have been flopping for at least a year now, but lately i feel like they flop extra super hard and it doesn't matter what i post or how much effort i put into it, it's a flop after flop and it makes me feel like no matter what i post it's just not good enough or popular enough. there are still so many things i want to gif and i used to feel excited about it, but now i don't :(

EDIT:

thank you all so much for the kind words, it's means so much!! :') it is very disheartening tho to hear how many gifmakers feel the same, it's one of those cases when i wish i couldn't say that it's good i'm not alone in this, because i wish i was alone!!! i wish other people's gifs would thrive, but alas :(

[kimquatz]

i have a bad(?) habit of sketching w the binary tool bc of hmstck LOL. the pixels.... ingrained in2 me

[darehearts]

me seeing how dead my dash is  :  i stopped CPR,  after all,  it's no use.  the spirit was gone,  we would never come to 🎶

[moonwoodcollective]

me, actually has native ancestry, knows my family history, taking every step i can to be respectful and overanalyzing every choice i make in my interactions doing so:

white coworker: lmfao yoink

[kiivg]

.Would anyone be interested in seeing my sketchbook 👉👈 I bought one the other day and I’m going well with it I think…