#as someone identifying as queer

[inkskinned]

it is hard to explain without sounding vain or stupid - but the more attractive others find you, the more you're allowed to do. the easier your life is.

i have been on both sides of this. i am queer and cuban. i grew up poor. for a long time i didn't know "how" to dress - and i still don't. i make my sister pick out any important outfits. i have adhd in spades: i was never "cool and quiet", i was the weird kid who didn't understand how "normal" people behave. i was bullied so hard that the "social outcasts" wouldn't even talk to me.

i got my teeth straightened. i cut my hair and learned how to style it. i got into makeup. it didn't matter, at first, if i actually liked what i was doing - it mattered how people responded to it. like a magic trick; the right dress and winged eyeliner and suddenly i was no longer too weird for all of it. i could wear the ugly pokemon shirt and it was just "ironic" or a "cute interest."

when i am seen as pretty, people listen. they laugh at my jokes. they allow me to be weird and a little spacey. i can trust that if i need something, people will generally help me. privilege suddenly rushes in: pretty does buy things. pretty people get treated more gently.

i am the same ugly little girl, is the thing. still odd. still not-quite-fitting-in. still scrambling. still angry and afraid and full of bad things. of course it became my obsession. of course i stopped eating. i had seen, in real time, the exact way it could change my life - simply always be perfect, and things can be easy. people will "overlook" all the other things. i used to have panic attacks at the idea others would see me without makeup - what would they think? even for a simple friend hangout, i'd spend a few hours getting ready. after all, it seemed so obvious to me: these people liked me because i was pretty.

i worry about how much i'm being a bad activist: i understand that "pretty" is determined by white, het, cis, able-bodied hegemonies. if i was really an ally, wouldn't i rally against all of this? recently there's been a "clean girl" trend which copies latinx aesthetics: dark slicked-back hair, hoop earrings. i almost never wear my hair like that; i can hear the middle school guidance counsellor advising me that i might fare better if i toned it down on the culture.

the problem is that i can take pretty on and off. that i have seen how different my life is on a day where i try and a day where i don't. i told my therapist i want to believe the difference is confidence, but it's not. and when you have seen it, you can't unsee it. it lives inside your brain. it rots there; taunting. i get rewarded for following the rules. i am punished for breaking them. end of story.

pretty people can get what they want. pretty people can feel confident without others asking where they got their nerve from. pretty people can be weird and different. pretty people get to have emotions; it's different when they get aggressive, it's pretty when they cry with frustration.

of course people care about this. of course it has crawled into you. of course you want to be seen as attractive. it's not vanity: it's self-preservation.

[bonefall]

Anyway. Bi and Mspec Lesbians aren't a hotly "debated" topic or even new to queer culture, it's just the newest thing that bullies who REALLY want to be homophobic and even racist use to justify harassing gay people they don't like.

It's the thinnest possible veneer of progressive language wrapped around TERF and reactionary rhetoric so that they can feel righteous for forming an angry mob against vulnerable targets. If you're gullible enough to fall for the newest wave of bigotry within the queer community, and turn on your allies because they're "confusing" or "invading your spaces," the SAME way they turned on bi/pan labels, trans people, xenogenders, neopronouns, and aroace people before this, then get lost.

[custom-emojis]

One day I’m gonna snap and start being so much more fucking annoying about my sexuality and being pan and gay at the same time until all the stupid 14 yr olds who I’ve been queer longer than they’ve been alive trying to tell me what definitions mean stop following me entirely.

[q-u-a-rantine-high-school]

Unpopular opinion, but you should not have to tell your partner that you are trans if you've fully medically transitioned before you met. Cuz everybody's always saying trans men are man and trans women are women, bc it's true, and if that's the case, and they have fully medically transitioned and have all the parts of the gender they identify with and that their partner sees them as then it should not matter. They have always been the gender that they are now they just had different physical body parts, so it should not matter, because that's in the past now.

[peridots-pixiwolf]

[Start ID. A digital drawing of Minos Prime from Ultrakill, who's wearing a strapless slit dress and sandals of the same deep purple. He faces towards and slightly to the right of the camera, his head is tilted further right. With one hand he gestures in a vague pointing motion, his arm folded and held close to his body. There is nothing in the background, but bracing himself on one arm, Minos is implied to be leaning against something about the height of a countertop. The background is a blank purplish black, save for three diagonal stripes in the colors of the bisexual flag. End ID]

Shading study that quite literally came to me in a dream two weeks ago, after this post apparently beamed itself into my mind

(also a few edits below the cut! they're very slight but whatever :])

[Start ID. Three different versions of the previous drawing. The first changes the tone of the lighting from blue to pink, and similarly the shading from pink to blue. The second replaces the faint black border with pink, purple and blue, syncing with the stripes in the background. The third combines both these changes. End ID]

[queerasf4ck]

Stop assuming nonbinary people are okay with you hitting on them if you’re exclusively attracted to women!!! Stop assuming nonbinary people are okay with you hitting on them if you’re exclusively attracted to men!!! Stop assuming nonbinary people are okay with monosexuals hitting on them!!!

[skiploomz]

how can someone be both anti inclusion AND anti exclusion?

[flutterbyfairy]

btw sexuality labels do not have to be super specific with strict boundaries of what "qualifies" as being that sexuality. you do not have to base how you define your sexuality on the first description that comes up on google; history, culture, the nuances of personal experience, and what you feel connected to are just as important a part of how you choose to identify!

[dykefaggotry]

it's just very interesting how the term "woman" has become something very loose and malleable. and the same has not happened to "man." many people who can accept the idea of womanhood as fluid and that someone calling themself a woman may not necessarily be a woman, cannot do the same with "man" which is automatically in their mind the antithesis to queerness and femininity and exists as a very binary term. like we just hold onto these staunch ideas of "man" and "manhood" with little wiggle room, while allowing "woman" to become anything and everything. which is fine, but only when it applies both ways, and it often doesn't. and would you know? I'd be willing to bet my left asscheek that it comes back to misogyny

[g0thiclem0nade]

I remember seeing a post a while back that was from a sexual assault survivor speaking about Astarion’s experience. And how some people considering him more asexual after that experience belittled SA survivors experiences.

But like, all due respect you’re belittling asexual people and more specifically asexual people who are that way because they’ve experienced assault. Directly calling people who would consider Astarion asexual as considering him broken. Asexual people aren’t broken just like people who’ve been SAed aren’t necessarily either.

[usareiis]

Actually concerning lately how many hostile comments I have seen about queer women in kpop circles on here and twitter that are kind of framed through the guise of statements you can't really argue with like 'idols are real people' and 'idols deserve privacy' but with a tone that just shows how much people hate queer women more than they care about idols being real people and their privacy. Like I will see people say things about female idols like 'Women attractor!!' And then when a queer woman actually says something about being attracted to them they'll log on like woah now idols are real people you shouldn't sexualize what if she sees that and gets uncomfortable by the possibility of a woman being attracted to her :( Or female idols will be on stage kissing each other on the mouth and if a queer woman says anything along the lines of how they're just like us people will be like woah now!! Don't speculate :( Idols are real people too :( And with the Karina dating rumor especially I don't even know anything about Karina but my Twitter feed this morning was full of recommended tweets with concerning amounts of likes (one had upwards of 100k) that were basically phrased like 'You disgusting women likers are delusional for thinking she ever would have dated you!! What predatory freaks some people like men and are just straight and you freaks are going to have to accept that'

[kakuriyo]

going crazy cause i haven’t had a legit crush in years and now i think i have one on my straight cis male friend

the kicker: he thinks i’m gay. hell i thought i was too

[in-tua-deep]

Had a dream where I was back in high school in a math class and my teacher was just. Incredibly disrespectful about my identity/pronouns. So I swapped to the other math class section with a different teacher

And new teacher didn’t use my pronouns either, but it still felt better. And then someone broke my desk. And someone asked me if I made the right choice swapping, because neither teacher used my pronouns, right? And I just had this moment of such clarity, of, “yeah, he doesn’t use my pronouns. He doesn’t always use the right name. But you know what? He’s angry someone broke my desk, and I know that if he finds out who it was, they would be in trouble. And it wouldn’t be like that with the other teacher.”

Just. Utter clarity of the definition between someone who doesn’t understand pronouns but still sees me as a person deserving of safety vs. someone who maliciously doesn’t use my pronouns as a way to communicate disrespect and thinks that means I don’t deserve to be safe

[worldsbiggestnerd101]

just saw someone i follow reblog a post that called bi lesbians/mspec lesbians bigots… checked the dni of the person who made the post and sure enough they’re an exclus. needless to say the exclus has been blocked and that person i was following has been unfollowed. kill the cop in your heads y’all, it doesn’t fucking matter what terms someone uses for their identity. and bi women were also considered lesbians before terfs kicked them out. so.

[maigetheplatypus57]

it's been like half a year but I'm still thinking about what a queer teen mood Darcy's outfit was in this pic. The rainbow scrunchie. The nb shirt. The pan tie-dye. It's such a mood to go "I don't care if they clash or not, heck I don't even care if I personally identify as all of these, they're all pride flag themed, and I WILL wear them together to show how aggressively queer I am".

And on a more somber note it's the fact that clothes like these are subtle enough that your parents/any adults you're closeted to probably won't notice (which if I recall right Darcy was still closeted to parents who she Knew weren't fully safe to come out to). And if they did ask her about any of those clothes individually she still had the plausible deniability of saying she just "liked the color scheme" like I'm sure many of us have said to cover up pride flag colored belongings before. But to other queer people? To her supportive and loving queer friend group? And most importantly to herself? They all know it's queer-themed, and they're the only ones who truly need to recognize it as queer.

And that's all that matters.

[wigglys-dikrats]

unless a person specifically states that they are lgbt maybe don’t go around telling people they are just because you think you’ve picked up on ‘subtext’

this isn’t a character in a show this is a human person with their own life and experience who does not owe anybody a coming out