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kareofbears · 3 years

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plainly in truth, chapter 1/5

“Without you around, it's sorta like stuff is just kinda...bleh."

—

Or: hiding, confiding, and misguiding.

read on ao3 or below the cut :)

The sweat on the back of Ryuji’s neck is thick as he climbs the stairs to his apartment after a lengthy run.

It’s hot for spring, mild for summer, and now that it’s late June, it’s finally starting to teeter into real heat. He escalated slowly, gripping the guard rail like an old man to make sure his legs don’t give out, in no rush to head back to an empty apartment. His mom’s been doing back to back shifts, businesses booming like it does during this time of the year.

Normally, that would make him miserable. Nothing worse than hopping back from a day of fun shit only to come back to an empty living space with laundry piled to the nines and the TV left running. He doesn’t blame his mom because he’s not an asshole, but he never dealt well with being alone. But nowadays, he’s actually starting to like it. Crave it. Maybe a little too much.

It’s easier to deal with being alone than getting that sinking feeling he gets whenever he talks to his friends.

Shoving his hand in his basketball shorts, he pulls out his keys when something makes him pause. The plastic plant beside the entrance had been moved. Ryuji squints. Quietly, he grabs the knob and turns. It’s unlocked.

“Hey.”

Ryuji lets out a frustrated sigh, tension leaving his shoulders as he kicks the door closed. “Fucking hell. How’d you get in here?”

Seeing Ann sit primly with her legs crossed in a dining table that’s barely big enough to put two plates down evokes a feeling of nostalgia in him. She holds a key between her fingers idly. “Spare key hasn’t changed since we were thirteen.”

He walks to the fridge, pulls out a carton of milk and drinks it straight, ignoring her grimace. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he offers it to her.

“Hard pass.”

“Suit yourself,” he shrugs, putting it back in the fridge. “I’m gonna shower. I think we might have some chips in the cupboards if you want some. Might be stale though.”

When Ann speaks again, her tone is flat. “You haven’t been hanging out with us. Or even talking to us.”

He tries not to let the annoyance show in his face too much. “Yeah, well, what part of ‘I need some alone time’ was confusing to you?”

Wood creaks, and he can feel her presence right behind him. “Cut the crap, Sakamoto. Something happened, I know it did. It’s not like you for your big mouth to be shut like this.”

Shaking his head, he strides to his room, praying that Ann will take the hint.

She doesn’t. “Okay, so I’ll just keep talking until something happens.” She leans against his door frame as he rummages for a change of clothes, listing off with her fingers. “It’s summer vacation, so it’s not a school thing. Phantom Thief stuff has been done for a while, so it’s not that either. I saw your mom last week, and she’s doing great. Congratulate her on the promotion for me, by the way. And the only other thing in your life that’s important is—” he hears her pause suddenly. “Are you and Akira doing okay?”

The sudden sharpness in her voice is enough to make his irritation ebb away for a second. “We’re fine,” he answers, pulling a probably clean shirt from the bottom of his drawer. He knows just how much she’s invested in their relationship. She’s pretty much a third member given how desperate she is to make them work. “I would’ve told you if we weren’t.”

“Thank god,” she breathes. “So what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” he rolls his eyes. “A big fat load of nothing with nothing sprinkled on top. You want me to say it again?”

“If it’s nothing, then why aren’t you over the moon that Akira’s finally visiting tomorrow?”

His stomach does a weird flop inside of him. He can’t tell if it’s a good flop or a bad one. “I’m over the moon,” he defends. “I’m crazy excited.”

“Then show it!”

“Okay! Damn, sorry I wasn’t happy enough for you.” Giving up on finding clean shorts, he picks one up from the floor and hopes it isn’t too gross. “I’m headed to the shower.” He rounds on her, giving her a glare. “And do not tell Akira that anything’s going on with me, ‘cause there isn’t anything going on. You’re just gonna make him worry for no reason and he’s gonna be all—” he frowns, overexaggerated. “—About this, so cool it.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. He won’t hear about it from me.” Ann gives him a long stare, and he refuses to look away. “You sure you’re okay?” she asks, softer this time.

“Never been better. Now scram.”

“Good. See you tomorrow, and don’t be late!” she calls as she marches through his apartment, foot out the door. “Noon! Leblanc!”

“I got it!” he yells back.

When the lock clicks back into place, Ryuji leans his back against the wall, letting his eyes slide shut. Is he that obvious that Ann would notice? He rubs his eyes with palms, frustrated. If Ann noticed, Akira’s definitely going to notice, and that isn’t allowed. He’ll just have to do better.

Going into the bathroom, flicking on the shower, he realizes he forgot his towel in his bedroom. Stupid Ann, distracting him.

Padding back to his room, he nabs it from the side of his bed, refusing to look at the letter collecting dust on his desk as he flicks the light off once more.

—

Akira came home to a face-full of streamers, two pots of curry, and six arms tackling him. Smiles and hugs were passed like a bottle of wine after a war has been won, and Akira shrugs it all off like he isn’t soaking up each and every exclamation of how much they miss him for a rainy day. Morgana gets his fair amount of head scratches, Akira gets enough noogies to warrant a concussion, and even Ryuji somehow manages to forget his problems for approximately three minutes.

It’s evening now, and while everyone had already left (not after slamming down two plates each and Yusuke brazenly asking for tupperware after the fact), Ryuji decided to linger.

“So,” he starts, sleeves rolled up as he washes the dishes while Akira dries. It might not look like it, but he doesn’t mind doing his chores; especially not with the way they both purposefully knock their knuckles against each other whenever they pass a plate between themselves.

“So,” Akira repeats. “I’m home. That’s cool, huh?” Even with eighteen layers of nonchalance layered on top of each other, there’s no hiding the lilt in his voice.

“Pretty damn cool,” he rinses a mug and hands it to him. Ryuji pauses as he watches Akira dry, lip quirked up. “I like seeing you like this.”

“Cleaning?”

“No, you bastard.” He reaches forward, unable to help himself as he pinches his cheek. “Smiley.”

Akira slaps his hand away. “I’m always happy,” he says, voice fond.

“I didn’t say happy, now did I? I said—” Ryuji wipes both hands on his jeans before pinching his cheek with both hands. “Smiley!”

He doesn’t fight back this time; instead, he lets Ryuji knead his face. “Your hands are wet,” he complains, slightly slurred.

“Suck it up.” His skin is mesmerizingly soft. Probably softer than even a girl’s. He would hold him like this all night if he’d let him. “This saves you from washing your face tonight, so you’re welcome.”

With one last tug, he reluctantly sets him free. Akira’s face is red and blotchy from the assault, but somehow he pulls it off because of course he does. “Thanks,” he deadpans.

“Don’t sweat it, dude. You know I got you,” he laughs, and for a second, he feels good. Light. Being with Akira does that to him, a pendant that wards off all evil. The pendant must’ve had some fine print in the contract though, because his stomach drops again when he remembers again. Ryuji turns around and starts scrubbing the pan harder than he needs to. Chill out, chill out, chill out.

Arms encircle his waist. “Sojiro’s gonna smite us if we don’t finish these before he opens tomorrow,” Ryuji says.

“I know.” A chin hooks around his shoulder blade, sliding in place. A perfect fit. “We’ll get to it.”

Ryuji leans back, far enough to smell the shampoo in his hair. He breathes in deep. It’s not what he’s used to, probably different brands in his hometown, but it still smells nice.

With the water still running, a group of businessmen’s laughter booming from just outside the cafe, Ryuji nearly says it. To take that weight off of his weakened knees and share some of the burden with someone who’s never complained about carrying some of his baggage. It would be embarrassing, humiliating, fucking mortifying, but it would be better than this, right?

He opens his mouth. “Missed you,” is what comes out instead.

“Missed you more, I think.” A beat passes, and then Akira continues, quietly: “You don’t know how good it feels to be back.”

That was all it took. The final piece, the last lock. The words he needed to convince him that this was the right thing to do. If he was on the fence of whether or not to tell Akira, this was the tug that took him over the edge. Because Akira came here for one reason: to have fun. To feel good again. To feel like Akira again. Is Ryuji really going to be the one to shit all over that? To fuck up his summer vacation with his problems again?

Yeah. Fuck that.

He wishes he can pull Akira impossibly closer. “Welcome home.”

It can wait until he leaves. After that, the world will just have to explode, taking him with it.

—

Ryuji’s in bed that night, tossing and turning, blanket tangled in his legs and head underneath his pillow, when he finally caves.

Smacking around for his phone, he pulls it to his face, squinting against the bright light.

SR: futaba

The response was immediate.

SF: what SR: that was fast. whatre you doing up SF: im always up. why are YOU up SR: just wanted to talk SF: ok

He waits a few moments to see if she’d continue the conversation. She doesn’t.

SR: hows school? SF: ?????? who cares, its three am SR: i care SF: ugh, go to sleep. we’re meeting tomorrow anyway SR: yeah but you dont talk about school during group meetings much SF: alright weirdo SF: schools cool. people mostly leave me alone, and i think akira must’ve tipped off kawakami cause she is wayyyy too nice to me even after bullying her in front of the class SR: what did you do lmfao SF: she said that whoever could recite pi to ten decimal points can get a bonus ten percent in the final SF: and i kept going until the bell rang SR: damn! SF: its mostly okay though. better than i thought it’d be for sure SR: and how about actual school stuff SR: like classes. Math, science, english, all that shit. SF: sheesh, easiest part no doubt. could do all that stuff in my sleep SR: really? even though youre a year behind? SF: uh yeah? i could be eight years behind and still dunk on these clowns with one hand tied behind my back and watching a live stream

Ah, right. Futaba’s a literal genius. As in ‘Make A Documentary Of Her In Twenty Years In A Movie He’d Never Watch But Makoto Would Love’ kind of genius. He forgot.

SR: nice SR: thanks, im gonna sleep now SF: kk see you SF: (¯﹃¯)

—

“Okay, this is getting a little ridiculous,” Ryuji says when he opens the door to his apartment.

Ann is sitting in his dining chair once again, this time donned in hot pink shades and a comically big sun hat. He tries not to let annoyance and panic flare inside him. He loves her, because of course he does, but he was banking on stocking up some energy and alone time before they hit the road. Maybe even shed a couple of frustrated tears, who knows? As long as he’s alone, it’s fair game.

“Hey, don’t give me any of that,” Ann says. “You and packing your luggage is like mayonnaise and my flawless complexion—it’s not good, buster. Remember Hawaii?”

He feels his skin heat up, and slams the door harder than he should. “How the hell was I supposed to know I’d get randomly checked? ‘Sides, I didn’t do anything illegal.”

“A backpack filled with condoms and a toothbrush might as well have been illegal.” Ann reaches into her pocket, whipping out a wrinkled piece of paper. “You can’t pull that kinda crap now, and if I know him as well as I do, I’m sure Akira’s already packing for that.” She laughs at her own joke and raises her hand enthusiastically. He can’t help but grin as he high fives her. Hey, even if his life is falling apart, at least he’s still getting some, right?

“So I’m here to help,” she continues, shaking the sting from her palms. “I finished packing a day early and everything, so I better get some thanks after this.” Before he can complain, she holds up a finger, expression stern. “I know you don’t need help. Yes, I’m still worried about you. Yes, I’m doing this because I’m worried about you. Let me do this stupid little thing, okay? It’ll make me feel better.”

His stomach churns, more intense than usual. “You’re still worried about me?” he asks, breath hitching. What? No. Did he fail at that too? Does she know? That must mean Akira knows, right? And if Akira knows, then—

“Whoa, hold on!” A hand grips his shoulders. “Deep breaths, Sakamoto. Don’t spiral on me now.” Gently, he’s led to a chair. He sits gratefully and waits for his heart rate to drop. The entire time, Ann stays quiet.

Eventually, when the room stops closing in on him, he sighs and leans back against his chair. “Sorry,” he says, feeling really stupid. Damn, what happened to him keeping this on the down low?

She slaps his knee. “Shut up, don’t apologize for that,” she scolds, and he almost smiles. It’s easy to forget how good Ann is at this sort of thing. For better or for worse, she’s had plenty of practice while talking to Shiho. The grip on his knee tightens. “Ryuji…”

He shakes his head. “No.”

And, for better or for worse, she absolutely does not let things go.

“Look, buddy.” The grip is starting to hurt, and it means business if her red acrylics are anything to go by. “I just saw you have a teensy little panic attack two damn minutes ago, and you’re expecting me to just leave you to it? Are you a clown? Are you a clown in a circus, Sakamoto? Is that what you are?”

“I just don’t want to fucking talk about it.” He shoves her hand off his knee, and before he knows it, his voice is raised. “Christ, can’t you just leave me alone? All you do is get up in my business when I clearly didn’t ask you to. Just cause we did this whole Phantom Thief crap together doesn’t mean it gives you the right to everything going on in my life.”

He loathes the ringing in his ears from his own voice. He hates it when he yells in the apartment, but hates the silence that follows more. Too much like his dad, too much like his exhausted mom.

Ann is staring up at him, hard and unwavering. “You’re such a piece of shit sometimes.”

“Huh?”

“If you want me off your tail, you’re gonna have to work harder than that.” She gets on her feet, glaring at him. “‘Piss me off and make me leave in tears’ was your tactic, right? Boring. Overdone. Try again.”

The way she’s standing, shoulders pushed back and chin jutted out like she’s ready for a shoot in some kind of army magazine, means she’s dead serious.

“Ann, just get the fuck out of my house. You’re really starting to get on my nerves.”

“Ooo, classic 'angry and make me storm off’, right? Better, but not good enough.”

“What the hell are you even saying?”

“I’m saying that you could say whatever pops into your bleached head—” she flicks his forehead, viciously sharp nails digging into his skin. “And I wouldn’t go anywhere. You could call me names, or threaten me, or try to hurt me, but I am not going anywhere.”

Her eyes are bright blue, but he can still feel the heat of it like Carmen was inches in front of him. His throat quivers when he swallows. She’s really not going to give in.

“My knee’s been real bad lately,” he relents, making a fist and lightly knocking it against his thigh. “Normally it acts up during bad weather, but the sun hasn’t left in weeks and it still sucks. I didn’t wanna tell anyone, ‘cause I hate talking about…” he trails off, but she doesn’t need him to continue. They both know damn well who he’s referencing.

Ann’s face crumbles. “That’s horrible,” she says, absently rubbing the red mark on his forehead. “I’m sorry I was mean.”

He waves it off, the same way he does whenever his mom asks him if he’s getting enough sleep. “Don’t sweat it. I know how crazy you get.”

It’s a real testament to how worried she must’ve been when she didn't take the olive branch. “I know you probably don’t want to worry the group, but you should tell Akira.”

“Ann—” he starts wearily.

“You know I’m right about this. Now that the Metaverse is back and we’re going to be running around more, he can’t not know about this. Your boyfriend aside, he’s our leader. Something really nasty can happen if we’re not thinking straight.”

“...Sure.”

Ann gives him a weird look. “That was surprisingly easy. I thought you’d complain more.”

She’s getting way too sharp. “What, you wanted me to be a dick about it?”

“I guess not.” Leaning against his kitchen counter, she chews her lip like it’s bubble gum. “Can I do anything to help?”

“Yeah.” Ryuji stands to stretch, ready for this conversation to be over. “You can keep this between us—”

“—Except for Akira,” they say in unison, Ryuji exasperated and Ann insistent.

“Fine. I’ll back off if you think you have it under control.”

“Hallelujah, she’s finally giving me space.”

“But,” her gaze is harder than steel. “Never, ever keep secrets from me again, got it?”

Ryuji rolls his eyes. “Gotcha. Can we get started now? I’m over talking about my horrible past so that we can finally have a straight-out-of-an-anime summer vacation.”

Her eyes brighten up. “Yes! Okay, I made this huge list and I know for a fact we’re gonna have to go for a quick shopping trip—”

“Quick? So, like, three hours going by your standards?”

“Don’t interrupt me. We need to pack some swim trunks, toiletries, and I know you’re worried about your mom so we’ll go grocery shopping for her before we leave in the morning.” Feet tapping excitedly, “This is gonna be so fun. You start packing, I’ll go shopping. Rendezvous in an hour.”

Before he even gets a chance to put a word in, she’s already out the door.

—

Later that night, when everything is messily thrown into one oversized backpack and a rucksack and the fridge is chock full of groceries for his overworked mother, he gets a text.

TA: i know you said not to bring it up but i dont care TA: i searched it up and apparently cold and hot compresses can help with the pain on your knee TA: also getting shoes with really good support would help too. i modeled for some shoe brands, i can def get you some discounts!!! TA: like, i know this is all base level stuff and you know this already, but i bet you we can ask sophia for more help. maybe she can access top secret doctor stuff for knee injuries?? :O

Ryuji stares at his phone for a long moment, before shoving it under his pillow.

Great. Add ‘guilt’ and ‘keeping up with a lie’ to the list of shit he has to worry about.

—

“A lake!” Yusuke cries, kneeling in front of the body of water like a man discovering a desert oasis. Gently, he cups the clean water and cradles it against his cheek. “You are nothing like the garbage-infested sewers in Tokyo. You are crystal clear. You are divine. You are salvation. You are—”

“Akira, Inari’s being a weirdo again,” Futaba points an accusing finger at Yusuke, who’s shirt is slowly absorbing more and more of the water. “At this rate, he’s gonna have to change.”

Makoto grunts as she lugs out the grill singlehandedly, a loud clang ringing out when she nonchalantly sets down a family-sized piece of machinery. “Alright, here it is.” She catches the look of awe that Ryuji’s giving her. “Does it still shock you that I can probably bench press you twice over?”

“I’m just trying to figure out where you’re hiding all that muscle, prez,” he snorts, and it’s the truth. Her and Akira must be the same breed, considering they’re both way too lithe to be this strong. He’s seen the way they throw a punch in the Metaverse—they could probably disintegrate a dude in real life if they really wanted to. Like yeah they workout, but not that much. Maybe they’re dieting too? He’s tried dieting, but ramen is just way too good, even at the expense of muscles.

“Ryuji, when you’re done spacing out, can you grab the ingredients?” Akira calls out.

“Ugh, cut the mind reading dude, it scares the hell out of me.”

He shoots him a signature Kurusu Akira smile; small yet disarming all the same, and it never fails to get Ryuji’s heart to do weird flips. “It’s not mind reading once you realize that I’m just obsessed with you.”

Instead of answering, Ryuji grumbles as he stalks off into the RV. Damn him and his genuine words and compliments.

He pulls out their luggage from underneath the table. Akira doesn’t need to say what ingredients he needs to grab—he’s helped out enough times during Leblanc’s afterhours to know the curry spices by heart. Ryuji might be a failure, but hey, he can do this no problem.

Grabbing bottles and shakers and balancing them on top of his arms like an overworked waiter, he glances left and feels his heart dropped. The envelope from his room—dust-free from rubbing against the rest of his luggage—is sticking out of his backpack. After a quick adjustment, he uses his free hand to shove it deep in his bag, hearing the paper crinkle in on itself.

It was a spur of the moment decision to bring it along with him, one that he’s still half-regretting. Why’d he do it? Maybe he was worried that he might enjoy this trip a little too much? Maybe he was some kind of masochist that likes having his problems and anxiety follow him literally everywhere he goes? Maybe he was scared to hell and back that his mom would find it before he had a chance to tell her himself? Fuck if he knows.

Poking his head out of the door, he yells, “Heads up!”

Throwing a bottle of black pepper, Akira catches it without looking. “Thanks.”

“Don’t sweat it.”

“Too late, I already sweat a little bit.”

Ryuji squints. “It’s sweated. Right, Ann?”

“Don’t look at me. I went to America for modelling, not a spelling bee.”

“I won all my spelling bees in middle school,” Makoto says, chest puffed out in pride.

“Were you the only one who joined?”

“That’s not important.”

Akira’s phone beeps enthusiastically, and Sophia’s voice rings out. “Got it! According to the internet, ‘sweat’ and ‘sweated’ are both grammatically valid. Technically, both Ryuji and Ann are correct.”

“Can we all just shut up for a second about sweating, for the love of god,” Futaba fans her face weakly. “It’s already sooooo hot. I feel like my skin is melting. Yusuke, is my skin melting?”

He looks at her for a moment, peering closely. “Yes.”

“How about we go in for a quick dip in the lake?” Haru offers, and Ryuji suspects that she can feel the same energy that he’s feeling when the group gets like this. “We were all talking about how beautiful it was, and it would cool down Futaba-chan no problem.”

She leans down, swirling her hand in the water. “It’s a little chilly, but it’ll definitely take care of the heat.”

“Good idea!” Futaba jumps up and throws off her shoes, ready to march in. “This is gonna feel so good.”

“Socks!” Akira reminds her.

“I know that!”

Haru and Yusuke follow suit, eager to get away from the heat, Makoto going in to change to shorts. Ryuji guesses it’s probably not an easy feat to roll up leather pants. Probably makes it either to ride motorcycles, or whatever people with leather pants do.

He feels a poke in his side. “You hopping in with them?” Akira asks.

No. The answer is already at the tip of his tongue, ready to roll out. Given how cramped the RV is, keeping up the trademark Sakamoto energy while lugging more baggage than an airport employee is brutal. It’s barely been a day since they started the trip, and he’s not sure how much longer he can keep this up. Already his chest feels heavy with something, and whenever all the windows are rolled up, it gets weirdly hard to breathe. But if he says no, Akira would definitely know something was up.

“Uh—”

“Actually, I think we’ll take over the curry for you,” Ann cuts in.

Ryuji turns to her, startled and wide eyed.

“Why?” Akira asks, just as confused as he is. They both know how much Ann loves being in the middle of things, especially in group hangouts.

“Because you look like you could use a break. I know for a fact that you had to pack Yusuke’s stuff for him, or else the van would’ve had fifteen canvases and an easel, and you had to grocery shop for everyone, and talk Haru out of a guilty spiral because she wasn’t confident enough in her driving. And all this before—” Ann looks down at her wrist to peer at a non-existent watch. “Five o’clock.

He frowns. “Sure, but I’ve done twice as much during our prime. This,” he gestures at the pot. “Is a walk in the park. Thank you, though.”

Ann sighs, heavy and contemplative. “I didn’t want to say it out right, but since you’re being difficult…” She places a hand on his shoulder. “You should hang out with Futaba more. Being gone from her for that long has been rough, and yes, we took care of her while you weren’t there, but you’re different.” Her hand tightens. “You know, Wild Card and all that.”

“That’s not what that means, but I appreciate the effort,” Akira says. Despite his words, it’s clear that what she said bothered him. Eyes flickering to Futaba, enthusiastically kicking the water to see how far the droplets would go, he directs his gaze to Ryuji. “Is it okay if…?”

Ryuji rolls his eyes, pretending like relief isn’t crashing through his body. “Go.”

Akira kisses his cheek. “Thank you.” When he pulls away, he gives Ann a hesitant look.

She grimaces. “Thanks, but no. Go hangout with the gremlin.”

He gives her a salute and saunters off, rolling up his jeans to wade through the water, making sure to splash Futaba on the way there.

After a moment of silence, he sighs. “Fine, I’ll say it. Your acting classes are actually doing you some good.”

“Ha!” she points at him triumphantly. “And you said it’d be a waste of time!”

“I didn’t say that.” Ryuji slouches into a nearby camping chair, the one that Sojiro forced them to lug along, hoping that some of his fatigue would seep away. “We both know that Futaba’s never been better, so what’s up? Why’d you throw out Akira like that?”

“It’s not for me, stupid,” she scoffs, but he can’t help but feel the weight in his chest get even heavier. He sinks even deeper into his chair. “The water was cold, right? That would make your knee even worse.”

“Yeah,” he blinks, having already forgotten the whole fucked-up knee story. “Thanks.”

“I won’t chew you out for not telling Akira, even though I should. But like I said,” she ruffles his hair. “I got your back. I know it must be hard, but you’re still acting all normal. We’re lucky that it’s only affecting you in the real world, too.” She had come up with that one herself, and thank god she did, cause he wouldn’t have known what to say if she had confronted him on how he could easily do flips and sprints in the Metaverse. “That just takes a lot of guts, and even though I know for a fact this would make you feel so much better once you tell him, I trust that you know what you need better than me.”

“Quit trying to look all cool,” he says, and prays to fucking god that the red on his face comes off as embarrassed gratitude rather than earth-shattering guilt. “And aren’t you supposed to be cooking, curry master?”

“Hey, he asked you to do it, not me. I’ll help you get the ingredients, but no way I’m doing the whole cooking shebang.”

“Ugh, fine,” he says, as if he doesn’t secretly love the idea of getting to cook for Akira this time instead of the other way around. Pushing himself up, Ann reaches out to help him. “You don’t gotta baby me, Takamaki.”

“I’ll baby you for as long as I need to, and then eventually Akira will be the one babying you. We come in shifts.”

“I hope you’re unionized.”

Makoto pokes her head out of the RV, wearing a showercap. “Did someone say unionized?”

“What the hell?” Ryuji staggers back in shock. Crap. “How long have you been there?”

“And why are you wearing that?” Ann gasps.

“Not long, and I don’t want my hair getting wet in case I fall in. We have no idea what’s been in here.”

“Were you going to fall in a bathtub?”

“Did you want me to push you in?”

“No, ma’am.”

—

There wasn’t a problem initially. Well, not one in Palaces, anyway. Wait, they’re called Jails now, which is really confusing. Ryuji’s just gonna have to avoid using those words so he doesn’t make himself look like an idiot.

Back in Shibuya, it had been...fine. Attacks landed, punches were dodged, Batons passed like his life depended on it (and it did). Like clockwork, instinct came to him and the weird nostalgic normalcy of fighting Shadows made it bearable.

Ryuji was off his game, and he could tell.

But he was barely off his game. If anything, he still had a foot on his game. Maybe even an entire leg on the game if he was being generous. He was still enough on the game that even Akira doesn’t notice.

But the weird part was, he doesn’t mind the fact that he’s off his game. In an even weirder way, he’s never been more on his game in his entire life.

“There!” Futaba’s voice crackles through the comms. “Uncle is open wide!”

“Her name is Ante, Oracle,” Makoto responds, brass knuckles jammed into the throat of some poor Shadow. “It’s open, but it’s vicious.”

Ryuji calls for Kidd just as she pulls away, wiping out the rest of the weaker ones with ease. “This thing’s like a goddamn mousetrap.” Ante’s serpent body slithering on the cool tiles so fluidly that it gives him the creeps. Her tail has tiny spikes etched into it, like mini knives hot glued onto a tetherball. The minute any of them even come close, she strikes outwards. “How vicious is vicious?”

“Depends on how fast you are.”

Akira’s head jerks up, and when their eyes meet, cracks a smile. “Fast, you say?”

Ryuji grins wider than he has in days. Joker relying on him? How can someone not feel a little giddy at that? “Say no more, leader.”

He stretches quickly, and feels eyes piercing the back of his head. Ann, probably. Shrugging it off, he sprints low towards Ante. As long as Ann doesn’t say a word, there won’t be a problem.

She’s taken hits from where Akira’s been concentrating on her. A mixture of bullet holes in its scales mixed in with cross slashes from where his bless attacks hit had left her delirious and pissed off. When he’s close, she bares her fangs and strikes, only for him to skid on the smooth tiles, rugged hands touching his mask.

“Come on out, Captain!”

His blond hair ruffled from Kidd’s attack, a crack of lightning came down from his Persona’s mangled hand, and a split second later her tail had been sliced clean through. And another crack comes, her neck landing on the tiles with a muffled thud. An attack that should’ve just been enough to incapacitate Ante had instead completely decapitated her.

A beat of silence passed as everyone processed what had happened. Ryuji’s mouth drops open, but he can’t muster any surprise.

He doesn’t know how, or why, but for some reason his attacks have been at least five times as strong as they had been back before the Metaverse was still intact. Moves that he didn’t even know are on the tip of his tongue, as if he had practiced them all his life. Normally this would only happen after rigorous training for months, adding up in tiny increments.

Now it happens every day.

“Well, looks like someone woke up on the right side of the gym today,” Futaba laughs awkwardly.

“What on earth was that, Skull?” Haru asks, eyes wide. “I had never seen you do something like that.”

Morgana’s tail swished. “She makes a good point. When’d you learn that one?”

“I don’t know.” He calls back Captain Kidd, eyeing the drop that Ante had left behind, but doesn’t move forward to snatch it up. “But whatever the reason is, it’s awesome as hell. I mean, did you see that? Sliced that thing open like a stuffed bear.”

“Let’s not bring stuffed animals into this, please,” Makoto frowns.

Akira’s giving him a look again, and it leaves Ryuji unsettled. “What is it, dude? I got something on my face?”

“No,” he steps closer, and his voice drops. “Are you alright?”

“Am I alright? I’ve never been better, man.” He flashes him a grin, hoping that it’s bright enough to distract Akira’s ever-searching eyes. “Come on, let’s get moving. Natsume’s heart isn’t gonna change itself.”

After one last glance, he nods, and Ryuji can see the minute Calculating Joker comes back. “You heard him. Let’s get moving, everyone.”

They all follow him up the stairs, eager to get moving past the eternally bleary and uncreatively written setting of Natsume’s Jail.

“Psst!” Ryuji hisses at Ann, who turns to him with a question in her eyes. “Panther! Get your ass over here!”

“What?” she whispers back.

He rubs the back of his neck. “I fucked up my knee when I rushed her, and I still haven’t told Joker, so do you mind…?”

An expected look of disapproval emerges from her expression, and Ryuji hurries to beat her to the punch. “I know, I know! But I can’t tell him in the middle of all this, now can I?”

“Fine,” she grumbles before calling Carmen. “I’ll cover you for now, but only ‘cause I’m a good friend and I’m super cute.”

“Yeah, the cutest, prettiest, whatever.” He glances over to Akira, swooping down to grab Ante’s drops before heading up. “Quick, before he looks back.”

Diarama washes over him, and even though relief floods through his body, he can feel a bead of sweat running down his temple. He’s not sure if it’s from her inherent heat or from the stress of lying to her again.

“Better?” Ann asks.

“Way better. Thanks.” He catches Sophia looking at them curiously. “The kid’s watching us. You better move ahead before she starts analyzing our personality types or something.”

Her eyes light up. “You think she’d do it if I asked? I really wanna know.”

“Just go!”

Ann hurries to catch up to Sophia, and while she’s distracted, Ryuji gently rolls up sleeves—he had gotten nicked by Ante as he slid. Normally that wouldn’t have been a problem; he had gotten thrown through walls, been hit by mini hurricanes, been blown up by a boat, and walked away from all that still swinging.

Yet lately, any tiny, fractional, miniscule injury is enough to shoot unbearable pain throughout his entire body. It’s as if he was back in Kamoshida’s Palace, where every punch thrown at him had been life or death.

Glancing down at his forearm, he sighs. The cut was gone, but he can’t keep asking Ann to heal him in secret every time.

“Skull?”

Hurriedly pulling down his sleeve, he glances up to see Akira standing in front of him.

“Everyone’s waiting for you,” he says casually, as if those words don’t mean the entire goddamn world to Ryuji. “You ready to go?”

“Yeah,” he answers, shaking his head. “My bad. Let’s go.”

They clambered up the staircase, and Ryuji decides that all of that stuff—getting injured and having it hurt like hell—just isn’t too important.

That just means that he’ll be fine as long as he doesn't get hit, and he’s had plenty of experience dodging punches that were thrown at him before.

—

“Cheers!”

All of them raise their red plastic cups, clinking it against each other in a way that they see adults do all the time on TV. Apple juice and iced tea slosh as they gulp it down eagerly, excitement so prevalent that they can hardly taste the cheap, convenience store-esque quality of their drink.

“This isn’t too bad,” Makoto muses, leaning against the faux-leather seats of the RV. “Though it would probably taste better if it wasn’t room temperature.”

“Does it look like this place has a mini fridge?” Futaba says, legs swinging down from her top bunk. “That’s a good idea though. I should’ve bought mine from home. Can you imagine we’re halfway through a six hour road trip and you want iced coffee and boom! Two feet behind you is Futaba’s Ice Cold Cafe, one hundred yen per use.”

“I hope you’d be ready to sleep on it, because this place is cramped enough as is,” Akira slaps the wall a few times, the way a rancher would a sturdy horse. “We’re lucky with what we have.”

“I know that! Without this thing we never would have been able to conquer Natsume’s Jail.” She reaches down to muss Yusuke’s hair. “I’m sure Inari feels good about that.”

He smiles, hair sticking up in all directions. “Of course I feel satisfied. Though I understand his struggle, being able to stop a fellow artist into becoming a true monster is always something that will bring me joy. Justice will never stop feeling good.”

“Cheers to that!” Ann raises her drink. “And you know what? This wouldn’t have been possible had Ryuji not kicked some major ass in that Jail.”

The group whoops and hoots loudly, and Ryuji can’t help but scoff when Ann winks at him. “Aw guys, you’re making me blush. I’m fucking awesome, sure, but we’re all pretty amazing.”

Haru shakes her head. “She’s right, Ryuji-kun. WIthout you, defeating dragon Natsume would’ve been much more difficult.”

“Even I can admit that you’ve gotten much stronger, Skull.” Morgana leaps onto the table, licking up the bowl of apple juice that Haru had left him. It feels wrong to let an animal drink that, but he’d never say anything about it. “Have you been training?”

Ryuji shrugs. “Yeah, a little.”

“Ooo, look at Mr. Humble all of a sudden,” Futaba jeers.

“I’m always humble!”

Ann grimaces. “I don’t think so. Remember when you finally got Akira to go on a date with you—”

“How dare you. He was begging me to go on a date with him—”

“And you wouldn’t stop telling us about how you had nabbed the coolest guy in Tokyo—”

Ryuji nearly jumps over the booth to put a hand on her mouth. “Quit yammering, Takamaki, I’m begging you.” He feels something slimy on his hand, and pulls back quickly. “Ew, did you lick me?! That’s so effing gross.”

“You’re gross.”

He feels a hand on the small of his back, warm and familiar. “I don’t think you’re gross, Ryuji,” Akira says. “I think you’re very clean.”

A harmonic beep rings through the air. “Sorry to interrupt,” Sophia’s clear voice cuts in. “But Akira, you got an email.”

“Thanks Sophie.” He points to where his phone is perched on the windowsill, propped up so she can see them celebrate their victory. “Can you…?”

Ryuji wordlessly passes it to him as everyone breaks off into smaller conversations, chatter blending into each other until it sounds like the kind of white noise he would queue up when he’s desperate to get some studying done. Immediately, Akira begins scanning through his phone, gray eyes focused.

He props his head against his shoulder to read alongside him and makes a noise of interest. “You signed up for cram school?” he asks, surprised.

“I did,” he replies, thumbing through the details of his admission.

Ryuji stares at him. “But you’re so fucking smart. Why are you paying who knows what to learn shit you already know?”

“Because Tokyo U barely cracks a 30% admission rate, and chemistry is hell incarnate.” With one last few clicks, he sets his phone down with a wince. “Sure is expensive though. We might have to reform the heart of someone in the education committee.” When he continues to stare at him wordlessly, Akira turns to him. “Don’t worry, I’m still leeching off of the Thieves' money from last year, so it’s not too bad when you take into account my part-time back home.”

“No, that’s not—I’m just—” he shakes his head and forces himself to start over. “Since when did you decide on Tokyo University?”

It’s Akira's turn to look taken aback. “What do you mean? You’d never leave Tokyo, especially if it meant leaving your mom.”

“That’s not the point. The point is I’m making you choose between me and your hometown!” he exclaims, but he already knows in his heart what Akira’s choice is going to be. It’s stupidly obvious. For some reason, the longer this conversation goes on, the tighter his chest feels.

The feeling doubles when Akira’s eyes, always focused and always sharp, subdued at his words. “Are you really comparing yourself to that place? You know I’d choose you over anything.” He reaches forward and combs through Ryuji’s hair, hushed and gentle in a way that only Akira can manage. “I’m so excited to live life with you again.”

The white noise, so comfortable before, abruptly turns overwhelmingly loud—grating and unbearable and painful to be around. Ryuji stands abruptly, barely reacting to Futaba’s yelp when he backs into her.

“Hey! What gives?”

“I…” his eyes dart around, flinching when he accidentally makes eye contact with Akira, and again when he locks eyes with Ann.

The sudden silence from the group is somehow worse than the noise from before, and if the tightness in his chest gets any more painful, his lungs are gonna burst into a million pieces and he’s not gonna be able to pick it all up from the ground if everyone’s watching.

“Trash,” he blurts out.

“What?” Makoto blinks, glancing up from her map.

“This place is disgusting and it’s way too cluttered and it’s bad to leave such a big mess so I’m gonna—” Ryuji grabs the plastic bag filled with garbage, haphazardly tossing empty cans and plastic cups into it. “I’ll be back. Don’t wait up.”

Before they can question him, he’s already out of the RV, towing trash and leaving his friends behind him.

—

“What the fuck was that?!” Ryuji screams into the sky.

He was far enough from the trailer that he knew they couldn’t hear him even if they had strained their ears, and it was late enough into the night that even the tourists weren’t poking around to look at the shrines or the Great Masamune himself.

“Keep it a secret’, my ass! That was the second dumbest thing—no, the third dumbest thing you’ve ever done in your entire life. Do you know how high that threshold is, Sakamoto? High! Higher than you can see with your own two eyes! Higher than Yaldabaoth’s goddamn crane-sized spine!”

Swooping down, he grabs a fistful of pebbles and throws it as hard as he can. “You are so selfish! What happened to keeping ‘Kira happy, you effing asshole?” Relishing in how far it went, he takes another two more. “You are so annoying. You are—” he throws, the rocks landing with a little plink. “Insufferable. Stupid. Selfish. A fucking—” this time, he doesn’t even know where it lands. “Gah!”

Turning on his heel, he glares up at the statue and grits his teeth when he sees Masamune’s stoic expression. “Don’t give me that look—you’re dead. You ain’t got nothing to complain about. Everyone’s remembering you as the guy who saved Japan, or whatever. But guess what? You’re probably a loser. A dumb, stupid loser who convinced everyone that you’re good for something when you’re worth jack shit!”

Before he can stop himself, he takes the garbage bag full of cans, glass bottles, and crumpled chip bags and hurls it at Masamune. It hits the base of the statue, far below damaging the One-Eyed Dragon himself, but the glass cracks under the force of being thrown, tearing through the plastic and causing trash and shards to explode all over the steps. Ryuji’s chest is heaving as he stares down at what he’s done.

“Impressive.”

He whirls around at the voice behind him, stomach lurching straight to the ground when he sees who it was. “In his years of war, I doubt that anyone’s ever tried throwing waste in his direction in order to defeat him.”

“Yusuke,” he breathes, feeling his frustration draining away to make room for even more guilt, if that was even possible. Ryuji cannot possibly look any more of an asshole than he does right now—tearing his throat raw in a public space, surrounded by the garbage he had thrown at a national monument in front of a guy who clearly worships and respects art that’s old as hell. “Sorry, I’ll clean it up, I promise. I was just…” he hesitates. “Talking to myself.”

Yusuke hums, unconvinced, and carefully approaches the mess in front of him. Ryuji waves him off. “No, don’t. Broken glass is a bitch, especially the little pieces. If that gets in your skin, it’s game over. You’d have to go into the hospital for sure.” He grimaces. “Trust me. My dad used to throw beer bottles at our place like he was in a ball game, and that ain’t fun, I promise you that.”

“I see.” Turning around, Ryuji hoped that he was magically going to head back to the group and not mention this to anyone there, but instead Yusuke stopped in front of a water fountain. “You’re right. If you’re not careful, it could be very easy to hurt yourself when dealing with broken glass.” Pulling out a handkerchief from his breast pocket in a way that only Yusuke can, he soaks it in water before crouching down at the shards glimmering under moonlight. “But if you use wet fabric to dab it on the shards itself—” he pats the concrete and flips the fabric over, revealing the moist and glistening pieces stuck on its side. “You can clean up the pieces with little to no danger.”

“Huh.” After a moment, he realizes that he’s making Yusuke do the dirty work for him. “Pass me that. Thanks for the tip, but I can take it from here. I mean,” he rubs the back of his neck. “It’s totally my fault that the glass is here anyway.”

He doesn’t look up from his task, eyes focused and movement meticulous. “No need. If you’d like to help, you can start picking up the non-dangerous litter around us.”

Ryuji does as he’s told, wincing as he has to pick up sticky, pop-soaked wrappers with his bare hands but he doesn’t complain. Karmic retribution has never held back against him. “The glass thing,” he starts, squatting down and picking up empty cans and plastic utensils with curry remnants still stuck to them. “They teach you that in Kosei?”

“No, from one of Madarame’s past pupils actually.” Yusuke shifts over to dab at another glass-covered section, concrete looking clearer with every pat. “Sensei had a rather violent habit of hurling canvases at the wall if they do not meet his standards, and his actions had led to many of our more fragile belongings being shattered when he did.” His tone doesn’t change, but Ryuji can see his shoulders tighten. “At least it allowed me to move away from that house very quickly, considering I had very little to pack away.”

Ryuji opens his mouth to comfort him. Instead, he finds himself speaking in a low tone. “Glad that bastard is rotting in jail,” he resists the urge to spit on the ground. “Then afterwards, I hope he rots in hell, just to really cover all of our bases.”

That pulls a chuckle out of Yusuke. “Thank you,” he smiles, and all Ryuji can do is nod. There isn’t much you can say after that without making it weird. But how weirder can it possibly get when the two of you are off towing around someone’s perception of the world on a daily basis?

They continue to work in silence; the wind is gentle, but it’s enough to rustle the leaves and allow Ryuji to feel some relief from the summer heat. He’s picking up wet paper tissues, and it’s gross, but it’s nice to be doing something with his hands.

He’s just about done his part of the clean-up when he can’t take it anymore. “Aren’t you gonna ask?”

“No,” Yusuke answers without looking up. That’s another thing that Ryuji really appreciates about him—playing dumb has never been something that he’s done to get out of an awkward situation. To be fair though, Yusuke himself is an awkward situation.

“Why not?”

“Did you want me to?”

That question makes him pause, and Yusuke doesn’t wait for an answer. “You’ve always been the most vocal in the group, and while many a time it has been our downfall in terms of secrecy, I have always considered it one of your strong points. And if you, Sakamoto Ryuji, are indeed struggling with using your words,” Yusuke’s eyes turn to him. “Then it must be very difficult to talk about.”

A beat passes. “No,” Ryuji mutters. “I don’t want you to ask.”

“Then I won’t,” he says easily. “But I do have a question.”

“Lay it on me.”

Yusuke shuffles to crouch down next to him, and it’s kinda weird seeing someone as elegant as him pose like some kind of hoodlum. “Does Akira know about your struggle?”

His mind flashes back to the confused look back in the RV and he scratches his neck roughly. “I bet he does now.”

Yusuke leans back, shocked. “He doesn’t know?”

“I’m getting there! Don’t pressure me, man. You said it yourself, I’m fucking struggling.”

“Well, yes, I did say that, but it’s Akira,” he says the name almost reverently. “I’d be surprised if he doesn’t sense that something is askew.”

“I just said that, didn’t I? Goddamn, you and Ann are just two of the same peas in the same freaking pond, aren’t you?”

“It’s ‘pod’, Ryuji,” he corrects. “Ann is aware?”

“She—” Ugh, how does he explain that she thinks she knows, but really he had lied about what he told her? “She basically knows.” And because his fat mouth just keeps getting fatter, “She’s sort of part of the problem.”

Yusuke’s eyes widen and Ryuji hurries to cover up for his mistake. “She’s not a problem, it’s just that I didn’t explain…It’s really my fault, and how I deal with internal shit, you know what I’m saying? And Ann’s just kind of in the crossfire, so what ended up happening is when I talk to her about what I’m feeling, I end up just feeling worse.” He winces. First he lies to her and now he’s shit-talking her? “I did not say that. What I really mean is that, uh, feelings...and actions...are complicated,” he finishes weakly.

“I see,” he says finally.

It seems that even Yusuke has a threshold for uncomfortable moments, because he rises to his feet. “Thank you for sharing all of that with me.”

“Uh, yeah, for sure. Thanks for the glass trick.”

“No need to mention it. It’s much easier to clean up a mess when you have someone helping you.” He points vaguely behind himself, “Would you like to head back together? I’m sure by now the festivities are winding down, and the trash you were so keen on disposing of has definitely been thrown away.”

Ryuji blanches. It grossed him out that he forgot he was holding an armful of garbage in his hand. “You go ahead. I just need to,” he rocks his arms, almost cradling the wet garbage. “Throw this out.”

“Very well. I’ll see you when you get back, then.”

He waves at him, and Ryuji wiggles in response (unless he wants it all hitting the ground and restarting that whole process again, which, no thanks.) After dumping it all into a nearby trash can, the process of which lasts several minutes since he still had to sort out the recycling, he feels a buzz in his pocket.

KA: come back when you can KA: i miss you

He takes a shaky breath.

SR: on my way

#p5 #p5s #ryuji sakamoto #akiryu #mine #fic tag #plainly in truth #akira kurusu #pegoryu #happy birthday ryuji this ones for you

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chappedandfadedvds · 3 years

Text

Nov 28th, Saturday 20:41

„Who the fuck puts anchovies on a pizza?“ Moyo asked loudly, turning his head towards the girl next to him, happily pouring them on her half of the dough.

„I do. Try it first maybe, before spreading hate? It’s actually really good.“ Noor defended, stubbornly putting a couple more anchovies on it. Just out of spite, it looked like. Leaving the boy to look first at her and than at the pizza in disgust, wrinkling his nose.

„If you want to throw up, I suppose.“ Jens wouldn’t disagree there with his friend.

„Why do I even try to argue with you?“ She sighed, leaning with her hip now at the counter, waiting for the pizza baking currently in the oven to be done.

Moyo and Noor bickering in the kitchen had been the main entertainment for the last twenty minutes. At least to everyone not occupied otherwise. Jens would almost dare to call it filrting to be honest. Especially as they did smile a lot at each other, standing definitely closer now as they watched for the cooking time. Jens was rooting for his boy Moyo for month now. Unfortunately it was doomed to fail. This dude just couldn’t help himself but say stupid things, setting them back every single time.

It had been Sanders idea to make a huge portion of dough and then let everyone just put on it what their hearts desired. It also meant that Jens had to clean up a flour covered Lotte twice. While Robbe cleaned Sander. Him and his sister having had a little battle while preparing the food this afternoon, luckily before all the others of the group had arrived.

This kitchen and dinner table was an even bigger mess now. Still they had a blast to see who could pile more on the dought. The loaded pizzas then were literally heaved into the oven as best as they could. The weight made it almost an impossible task without ripping holes somewhere.

Jens sat on the floor between Robbe and Lucas by the couch table, while Milan entertained Lotte with some sort of story he had made up. Sander listening intently next to her, only occasionally throwing Robbe an amused glance when Milan was especially dramatic. The half eaten slices of their abomination of a pizza left on a plate between them. Sander and Lotte both had agreed to anything the other person had suggested. Robbe only had watched highly gleeful, telling Jens that this would definitely lead to a disaster, speaking from experience.

„It’s so good to meet up again.“ Amber said from the sofa, that the girls had occupied. Even though they all were probably a couple to many to meet, they all had basically quarantined over the last two weeks. They agreed on no alcohol for the evening and to leave at eleven.

Jens also had hoped it would help him feel a little better. And though he laughed a little easier with them around. He still felt lonely inmidst his friends.

„Right? I almost went crazy having just the boys around.“ Zoë chuckled, blowing a kiss to Senne locking up from his phone, to roll her eyes at her.

„We are not that bad.“ It was a nice try of Robbe to defend the four boys living at the flatshare. Even though against Zoë and Amber he couldn’t possibly stand a chance.

„You are definitely too loud, even if you believe the shower right next to my room will cover for it.“ And there she was, Zoë, the fighter, winking at Robbe amused. Though his best friend actually smirked back, not yet defeated.

„Then tell Sander to keep his hands to himself. I am absolutely innocent in this.“ Oh Robbe, Jens thought holding back a laugh, as he patted his best friend shoulder, wrapping his arm around the boy afterwards.

„You are the least innocent person I know, Robbe.“ Zoë raised her eyebrows at the boy, thinking about what to reply. Jens probably should break it off, while it stayed relatively harmless.

„Guys, my little sister is in the room, if you may, you know, not talk about that here.“

„Sorry.“ Robbe and Zoë said at the same time, turning towards Jens with big eyes. As if he would get mad at them. He would have happily let them continue, if it wouldn’t be for Lotte across the room.

„Must suck for you though, right?“

Jens was confused by Aaron’s sudden question, as the boy took the seat on the sofa next to his girlfriend, a fresh glass of water in hand. Everyone else fortunately seemed just as puzzled. Good, wasn’t just Jens then.

„What?“ He so eloquently returned.

„Being single in a lockdown, bro.“ Aaron elaborated on his earlier statement.

„I guess.“ I wouldn’t know. Jens added in his mind, feeling Lucas’s hand on his lower back, slipping under his hoodie and shirt. Fucking Lucas. He turned his head away from the sofa, towards his boyfriend. Who was not even looking at him, busy with his phone in his free hand, while his fingers brushed over his bare skin.

Either Lucas had listened and just decidedly acted uninterested. Or this boy simply had the best timing to let Jens now that Jens indeed had a boyfriend at his side, even if only through small hidden gestures.

„Okay the next Pizza is done. One half with rocket salad and..“ Moyo shouted from the kitchen, pulling out the grate from the heat with the bright red oven gloves. He made a good chef, none of the pizzas had been burnt under his careful watch.

„Me!“ Aaron declared excitedly, jumping up from his spot to hurry over.

„And eh looks like ham, corn, bell peppers and olives maybe?“ Noor provided, unsure as she examined the little bit that was sticking out under the thick layer of cheese.

„Uh that’s mine!“ Lucas called, unfortunately leaving his place and thus also the hand that had caressed Jens for the last couple of minutes. But then his boyfriend returned with a full plate of something that shouldn’t be called a pizza.

Maybe Jens had to rethink the whole relationship again. Robbe’s and his very simple pepperoni mozarella pizza, topped with fresh basil, actually resembled and honered the italien kitchen. Best friends for life, in every life. They didn’t even have to ask and went for the same things to throw on. Robbe was a good boy to have.

Contrary to his boyfriend happily munching away on his first piece.

„Stop looking disgusted and try.“ He hold another slice up, for Jens to take a bite from. And he did, even when reluctantly. Lucas knew too well that he just had to give Jens this one look, his eyes glinting excited for the older boy to agree with him.

Okay maybe it wasn’t as bad as he had expected, still. To prove a point he rolled his eyes, not ready to eather admit nor dismiss it. Lucas grinning smugly at him, as he leaned in, close enough to whisper.

„So you still adore me, even though I like this?“

Jens could feel the breath on the skin beneath his ear. He smiled, trying not to look too affected by his boyfriend.

„I couldn’t stop if I wanted to.“

Robbe fortunately pretended to see and hear nothing, presenting Jens with the screen of his phone.

21:04

„Lotte?“ His sister’s head spun around startled by Jens calling for her.

„It’s nine. Time for bed.“ He reminded her, the girl almost unbelieving as she looked at Milan’s phone that was just in reach of her hands.

„Can’t we do ten?“

„Nope.“

„Nine thirty?“

„No.“

„Fine.“ His sister groaned unhappy with her sitaution. „Can Sander bring me to bed then?“

Jens wasn’t sure if he should feel hurt by his sister not wanting him to bring her to bed. But then it was Sander, and Jens was here every day. He barely would stand a chance to try and deny Lotte her wish. So he turned towards the boy in question next to her. Jens didn’t even had to ask.

„Sure, I won’t mind.“ Sander said smiling confidently, felxing his arms, as if strenght was a requierment to prep an eight year old for bed.

„Really?“ Jens just would give him one more chance to opt out of it, but the older boy nodded, already on his feet, helping up Lotte in the process.

„Okay. Ehem, make sure she actually brushed her teeth and washed her hands before bed and the rest she’ll do on her own anyway.“ He wouldn’t complain, if it meant that Jens could just stay right here with Robbe and Lucas and everyone else to enjoy the rest of the night.

„On it!“ Sander stuck his thumbs up, following Lotte up the stairs.

Jens gave them fifteen minutes before he would check on them.

„Papa Jens, you will be a great father one day.“ Yasmina said amused, now next to Milan, having been rather quiet over the course of the evening. Jens had almost forgotten that she was here as well. He knew it was meant as a tease, as well as a compliment by the girl smiling at him. It still stung to hear. He’d rather not think about it.

„Oh my god. Why do I trust this girl?“

Moyo yelled, sounding quite sick, as he spit out whatever was in his mouth.Everyone immediately looking over to find their friend being laughed at by Noor with half a slice of her Pizza in her hand.

„Because Im right and you are just stupid not to like anchovies on pizza.“

And on they all went to watch the playful taunting for a second round.

__ __ __

tagged: @odi-et-amo85, @tayspots

#week 6 #wtfock #skam #vds #jens stoffels #lucas van der heijden #chapped and faded #the group #lotte #sobbe #and moyo and noor #what's their ship name?#well enjoy

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watchmegetobsessed · 5 years

Text

Everything about you - Shawn Mendes

i’ve been DYING to write a personal assistant themed oneshot and im pretty pleased with how this one turned out to be hehe

drabble list masterlist

Looking out for drunk Shawn is like taking care of a puppy. He is wobbly, can’t really coordinate his limbs, his laugh sounds way higher than usually, almost like that tiny barks puppies have and he is touchy. Like, in need of being touched constantly, finding his way to make physical contact with you in any way, anytime, not really understanding the concept of personal space.

“Would you stop moving around?” you sigh reaching over to him as you push him back at the seat by his chest while you keep your eyes on the road, glancing at him shortly. He has been playing around with the belt for like five minutes, giggling about something you couldn’t really understand when he explained it, because he kept biting off the ends of words.

“Fuck, I’m… wasted,” he snorts, head falling back as he closes his eyes with a smug grin on his face.

“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock!” you roll your eyes.

You want to be mad at him, you want to fume and rage that you were woken up by some random dude in the middle of the night because you are one of Shawn’s emergency contacts in his phones, asking you to come to this party to pick Shawn up because he was so drunk he was dancing on the table like he was in Magic Mike. You know it’s serious when he is dancing, he has to drink a lot to reach a level where he is comfortable enough to dance in front of people. You want to hit him for being so dumb, but you just can’t. You’re more concerned about his headache he’ll have in the morning and if he can make it through the night without throwing up. The answer for the latter is probably no, he has had rough nights from way less alcohol.

When his hand slides to your thigh, fingers spreading over the raw denim of your jeans your grip on the wheel tightens. Glancing over at him you see that his eyes are still closed, he is quietly humming a melody you can’t quite recognize, but you could listen to his voice for hours.

Taking a hand from the wheel you place it on top of his, just to make sure it doesn’t wander anywhere else, telling yourself it’s just the alcohol in him.

“You really should find your limits, Shawn,” you scold him mumbling. He doesn’t answer, just takes a sharp breath, his hand turning under yours and his fingers soon lace through yours. Your eyes flicker down at your hands and your chest feels heavy at the sight of it.

When you started working as his personal assistant two years ago you didn’t realize what you were getting yourself into. It’s not that the job sucks, it’s literally the best ever, you get to travel the world and get paid for it, you just have to keep Shawn’s stuff organized, remind him before flights and basically know the answer to all his questions, but it’s not that hard. What’s been making you absolutely crazy is that you can’t stop yourself from seeing him as more than just a friend or your super cool boss. Everything he does, everything he says is just making you fall for him more and more and even when he is totally wasted in your car at three in the morning, you can’t hate the dude.

“Limits are for pussies,” he slurs with another snort and it’s probably the first time you hear him use the word pussy.

“Yeah, we’ll see what you have to say about that in the morning,” you sigh as you pull up at the entrance of his building’s underground garage.

Shawn winces as the bright lights of the garage flows into his face, but he keeps his hand on your thigh still, not even moving it a little or snapping it over his eyes.

Getting him out of the car is harder than you thought. He is kind of half asleep, his limbs and whole upper body weighs on you as you throw one of his arms around your shoulders, forcing him to walk with you.

“Shawn, please just stay awake for ten more minutes,” you beg him, struggling to move forward. He keeps stopping, knees collapsing every third step, not making your job easier at all.

“M’sorry,” he mumbles rubbing his eyes.

He manages to make it to the elevator with your help and you make him lean against the wall on the way up so you can rest and get ready to carry him to his bed.

You feel like you just had an hour long workout by the time the two of you make it to his king sized bed. Throwing him to the mattress he lies on his back, arms stretched out to the sides as he blinks up at the ceiling blurrily.

“Do you feel like throwing up?” you ask him as you pull off his shoes and put them away.

“Not really,” he breathes out closing his eyes.

“Shawn, let’s get you changed and then you can sleep, alright?” you shake his leg making him open his eyes again.

He just quietly nods as he slowly pushes himself up. He starts taking his shirt off while you walk into his wardrobe and grab a white t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts for him to sleep in. When you get back you freeze for a moment as you see him stand at the end of the bed only in his boxers, his shirt and pants laying on the ground at his feet.

“Here,” you shyly say handing him the clothes. He mumbles a thank you as he gets dressed, collapsing to the bed once again.

Pulling the blanket out from under him you cover him as he takes some deep breaths, fingers gripping his hair, eyebrows furrowed.

“Hey, what’s wrong, bud?” you pat his foot as you watch him grimace with his eyes closed. He looks exactly like someone who is about to throw up.

“I don’t know,” he breathes out.

Rushing into the bathroom you quickly grab a bucket and you get back just in time. He shoots up and grabbing the bucket from you his face disappears in it as he pukes everything out.

“S’alright, just let it out,” you sigh gently running a hand up and down on his back as he keeps spitting into the bucket. Throwing up is good, he’ll feel way better once all the toxic stuff is out of his system.

“I’m so sorry you had to wake up for this,” he groans when you take the bucket from him and head back into the bathroom to clean it. You try not to think about how gross it is, you just flush it all down the toilet and then wash it out in the bathtub. You hear feet tapping on the floor and turning around you see that Shawn is grabbing his toothbrush. You caress his arm as you put the bucket away and leave him alone in the bathroom.

You get a big glass of water from the kitchen and put it down to his nightstand. Picking his clothes up from the floor you fish his phone out of his pants’ pocket, put it on his charger and then throw them into the laundry basket. It smells from tequila and weed, though you know he hasn’t smoked that night. High Shawn is more philosophic and deep, doesn’t really swear. He is like an ancient Greek philosopher when he is stoned, does not use the word pussy for sure.

Walking out of the bathroom he shuffles back to the bed, getting under the covers by himself this time. You sit down to the edge to check if he is alright, but he grabs your hand and pulls you down so you basically lie on him.

“Shawn!” you chuckle lightly as he peeks at you.

“Stay with me,” he whispers, hands wrapped around your wrist like a handcuff as he keeps you on top of him.

“Do you still feel sick?”

“Mmm no,” he hums.

“Then I’m leaving,” you sigh trying to get away from him but his grip is too tight on you.

“Then suddenly I feel like throwing up again.”

You give him a look even though he can’t see it, his eyes are still closed, probably because the room is spinning with him when he opens them.

“I’ll make you breakfast in the morning in return for tonight.”

He slowly pulls you further, until you are lying next to him, one arm around your shoulders, the other hand holding yours on his chest. Your face is pushed against his shoulder and the heat of his body feels just too nice against your skin. You shouldn’t be doing this, but you can’t make yourself leave him. It’s like there’s a magnet in your chest that’s pulling you towards him, holding you down and not letting you get up from his bed.

“You’re such a mess,” you mumble giving up trying to leave him.

He nuzzles his face against the crown of your head as you lie next to him on top of the covers, his fingers gently stroking your arm.

“I know,” he breathes out, words barely audible. “Good thing I have you.”

His words sink into your heart, a few moments later he is peacefully snoring while you’re just staring into the darkness, chest aching as his touch is practically burning your skin. His fingers has stopped, but you wish they were still running on your arm. Shutting your eyes closed you force yourself to fall asleep, hoping for the pain to be gone by the morning.

Your arms stretch to the side before you open your eyes in the morning and the first thing you realize is that you can’t reach the edge of the mattress like in your own bed. Realization comes to you slowly as you remember that you spent the night at Shawn’s, in the same bed with him.

Your hands roam the sheets, but the bed feels empty. Opening your eyes you see that Shawn is gone and the glass you set on his nightstand is now empty, phone missing too. Sitting up you hold the soft sheets to your chest as you look around. You’ve been in his room many times, but seeing everything from his bed is just a whole different view.

It takes some time for you to realize that music is playing somewhere outside of the bedroom. Slipping out of the bed you creep into his bathroom to quickly fix your hair before heading out, even though he has seen you in the morning several times when you slept on the same bus on tour.

You find Shawn in the kitchen, wearing the same clothes you made him put on last night, headband taming his curls as he is basically destroying the kitchen, New Light by John Mayer playing in the background. He is humming to the music, occasionally singing out the words he knows for sure, usually the end of each line while he is making something that looks like scrambled eggs with bacon.

It’s a sight you could get used to for the rest of your life for sure. Leaning against the wall at the end of the hallway you just watch him wondering when he’ll notice you. The guitar solo comes on and he starts vocalizing to it, playing an air guitar, swirling around, head falling back, but he soon stops as he gets dizzy fast, probably fighting a nice headache, but he must have already chugged down two Advils by now.

When he finally sees you standing in your observing spot a wide smile stretches across his face, flashing his perfect teeth.

“Mornin’! You hungry?” he asks poking the eggs around in the pan.

Walking closer you take a look at it and you see that he probably didn’t mix the eggs for long enough, you can even see an egg yolk in almost a whole, but you are proud of him for trying at least.

“Sure, Chef,” you grin as you climb onto a stool at the kitchen island while Shawn finishes up his masterpiece.

Grabbing two plates and forks he sets the counter for breakfast grabbing some orange juice from the fridge, continue to sing. Say comes on and he knows all the words to it, singing beautifully as he divides the eggs and bacon slices equally between the two plates even though you already know you won’t eat all of it and he’ll end up snatching the rest from your plate.

You start eating in silence, the eggs need some more salt but you don’t say it, just quietly eat, letting him think he did a good job with the breakfast. Hell, you would eat it even if it was horrible if it meant you could see that proud smile on his face he has on now as he tastes his work.

“Thanks for coming to get me last night,” he finally speaks up.

“It’s kinda my job,” you shrug making it look like it was really nothing.

“But cleaning up after me after I threw up is not,” he smirks at you poking your side with his elbow.

“Someone had to do it, or did you want to sleep with the bucket full of puke next to you all night?”

“Hell no!” he grimaces making you chuckle.

“How are you feeling?” you ask when you feel like you’re full, some food still on your plate and he instantly reaches for it.

“You don’t want it?” he asks, but he already took the plate, adding your leftover to his as you just shake your head no. “My head is pounding, and I feel like I’ve been ran over by a tank, but I woke up in a great mood because I had someone special next to me.”

Your cheeks flush almost immediately as your gaze is fixated on the empty plate in front of you. Not sure what to say to that you get off of the stool and start cleaning up the mess he made.

“Don’t, I’ll take care of it!” he tells you reaching out over the kitchen island as if he could reach you and stop you, but even his arms are not long enough to do that.

“S’alright, you cooked, it’s only fair if I clean up after,” you shrug grabbing the empty pan and your plate, placing them all into the sink as you start running the water.

“Not when I owe you after fetching me up drunk and taking care of me.”

He quickly finishes his breakfast and rushing over he grabs your hands and gently pushes you out of the way, taking over the dishes. You just sigh, drying your hand in a towel as you lean against the counter and watch him work around the kitchen.

“Wanna stay and hang out today?” he asks glancing over at you as he puts the eggs that are left into the fridge.

“Um, I should probably head home and take a shower, get changed. I also have to run a few errands today.”

“We can drop by your place, do everything you need to and then have lunch somewhere later.”

“Do you really want to spend your day off with me, running around town?” you ask skeptically.

“Is that a crime?” he chuckles narrowing his eyes at you.

“No, I just thought you would want to do something else.”

“I don’t,” he simply says as he hangs up his kitchen rag to dry once he is finished with everything.

“Don’t forget you have a meeting with that new designer about your outfits for the photoshoot next week,” you warn him as the two of you are on the way to your place. Shawn wanted to take one of his cars, but you refused to leave yours in his garage so he gave up, convincing you to let him drive and you happily said yes.

“I won’t forget, but can we not talk about work today?” he proposes fixing his sunglasses on his nose. You quietly nod, suddenly not sure what to say then. Work has always been the number one topic between you and him, after all, you are his personal assistant, this is your job.

You can’t help but feel like something has changed between you and him. You can’t really put your finger on it, but you can feel it in the air and it’s making you anxious. It feels like you’ve entered a dangerous, unknown territory last night and the line between work and your personal life is starting to get blurry.

Shawn plops down to your couch and turns the TV on while you take a quick shower and change from your yoga pants and oversized hoodie into a sundress with a denim jacket. Walking out you find Shawn in the kitchen, searching through your fridge.

“You won’t find anything, I have to go grocery shopping too,” you tell him and he closes it disappointed so he just grabs a bottled water. “I don’t have a person just to fill my fridge up every three days,” you chuckle at him, knowing well he has someone taking care of it for him. You hired the dude after having enough of his whining every time he went home after a long studio session in the middle of the night and texted you how hungry he was but there was nothing to eat. After one of these occasions you took care of it and his fridge has been full at all times since then.

You figured Shawn would get bored somewhere along the way to the post office, at your accountant’s office or grocery shopping, but the guy seems to be having fun accompanying you.

“Shawn, can you stop putting stuff into the cart that I don’t need?” you plead him as you put back a whole box of ice-cream into the freezer that he sneaked into the cart while you were looking at the frozen veggies.

“Who doesn’t need ice-cream?”

“Me. I don’t eat ice-cream,” you state matter-of-factly.

“What? Are you an alien?” he gasps dramatically, leaning onto the cart as he pushes it following you down the aisle.

“I’m not, but I only eat ice-cream when I’m extremely sad.”

“And when was the last time you felt that sad?”

You purse your lips thinking back at the last time you sat down and ate almost a whole box of ice-cream by yourself. It was about two months ago, you were out with Shawn and the team, the guys were picking on Shawn nonstop about some girl who gave him her number the night before. You watched him blushing while talking about how they’ve been texting all day and that he might ask her out. Jealousy was boiling under your skin and you left early not bearing to listen to his little conquering. You pretended like you had a headache, Shawn even tried to convince you to let him drive you home, but you just wanted to be alone so you told him to stay. You shamelessly cried that night, lying on your couch with the ice-cream while watching the Notebook. Luckily you never heard of that girl again, it seems like the date never happened though you never had the courage to ask him why he didn’t ask her out.

“Um, a while ago,” you shrug, eyes roaming the shelves, pretending to be busy with the products.

“Why were you sad?”

You wish he would just stop asking questions, but you already know how curious he is. Sighing you stop and turn to him.

“I just heard something that hit me hard in the chest. Can we move on? I really don’t want to talk about it in the middle of a store.”

He quietly nods, it seems like you hurt him and the guilt immediately tantalizes your heart, but you really don’t want to discuss with him the time he broke your heart, especially since he doesn’t know it was him who made you destroy that box of ice-cream.

“M’sorry,” he mumbles. Stepping closer you put your hand over his on the handle of the cart.

“It’s alright,” you say smiling at him.

You’re just about to pull your hand back, but his turns around and his fingers thread between yours holding onto you. “Shawn…” you sigh.

“What?” he asks innocently, like he has no idea what is going on. But what is it exactly? “Am I not allowed to touch you?”

“Do you want someone to snap a picture and post it?”

“And what would happen if they posted? People are used to you being around me, no one will bat an eye.”

No one except you. You know he is just messing around, probably still feeling a little dizzy from after his wild night, being his touchy self.

“Don’t be silly,” you sigh letting go of his hand as you continue your way to the yoghurts.

Once you’re done with groceries you drop by a pharmacy before heading back to your place. Shawn starts whining about starving, obviously exaggerating his hunger and he starts acting like a baby while you are putting the groceries away.

“My stomach is literally eating itself!” he moans painfully as he leans against the counter.

“Stop being a baby!” you chuckle closing the fridge.

“It’s three o’clock, we had breakfast five hours ago!”

“You ate a whole bag of chips on the way home, was that nothing for you?”

“That’s long gone, I need to fuel this body,” he explains rubbing his stomach and chest.

“I know, I’ve brought you food several times at the most random hours while on tour.”

He just shrugs grinning at you before wrapping his arms around your shoulders, pulling you tight to his body.

“And this is one of the many reasons why you are my favorite person in the whole wide world.”

You let him decide where to go for lunch since he is about to die from starvation. You don’t even pay attention where you’re going right until you walk into the restaurant and a weird feeling comes over you, like you’ve been here before.

Realization hits you hard when you see your ex-boyfriend in a white button up shirt with a black apron. Out of all the places, Shawn managed to bring you to the one where your ex works. You didn’t recognize the place at first, you haven’t been here in two years. Daniel and you broke up right before you started working for Shawn because of his lame excuse that you won’t have time for him once you start traveling the world. He didn’t even give a chance for you to prove him wrong and it made you wonder if there was something else behind it. You’ve been to so many places since then that you didn’t even recognize the place at first, but seeing Daniel for the first time in two years makes you feel some kind of way, but you’re not sure just yet what it really is.

“You alright?” Shawn asks as the two of you take a seat at a small table. You’ve been trying to cover yourself up so Daniel can’t recognize you, but it made you look like you are ticking or something.

“Um yeah, sure!” you reply in an abnormally high pitched voice. Shawn gives you a weird look but before he could ask anything else none other than Daniel appears at the table.

“Welcome, I’m Daniel, I’ll be your waiter today, may I—Y/N? Hey!”

No matter how hard you tried to keep your head down he somehow recognized you and now you force the widest smile on your face as you look up at him.

“Hey! Didn’t even recognize you!”

“It’s been so long, how are you?” he asks and he seems genuinely interested but you wish he would just give you the damn menus and disappear. In the meanwhile, Shawn is staring at you and him with a confused smile on his face.

“Um, great! I’m great. Great,” you nod, sounding like a total idiot. Gosh you don’t know how to deal with it and you said great way too many times. “How are you?” you ask back.

“Fine! You know, nothing extraordinary. Unlike you!” he turns to Shawn and holds out a hand for him and you just truly want to die. “Hey, I’m Daniel, nice to meet you!”

“Shawn, nice to meet you too,” he smiles politely, but you’re sure he is trying hard to figure out what is going on. Unfortunately Daniel decides to tell your brief history with him right on the spot.

“We used to date before she started working for you. We went to the same high school, she used to organize everything in school so no one is surprised she ended up with this job.”

“Oh, that’s nice!” Shawn chuckles lightly, glancing over at you but you just stare down at the empty wine glass in front of you, praying this nightmare will end very soon.

When you recognized Daniel you were afraid seeing him would bring up some unwanted feelings from the past, but it’s nothing like that. His existence is just making you want to leave, not able to stand him this close to you again. You can’t believe you dated him for a year, the dude has been working here for years, he never upgraded or did anything to move forward in life. Judging from the way the waitresses are eyeing the table he has also slept with half of them and has been flirting with the other half, totally messing up everything around him, something he was always good at but you just refused to realize.

Looking over at Shawn you see how much has changed in your life and what you feel for Shawn is just entirely different. More real.

Daniel rambles about how he met you years ago but then luckily he realizes it’s not why you are here so he leaves the table letting you choose from the menu. You hide behind it as you just stare at the same two options, chewing on your bottom lip anxiously.

“So, that’s your ex, huh?”

Peaking over the menu your eyes meet Shawn’s and he is looking at you curiously.

“I guess,” you nod slowly putting down the menu.

“Why did you break up?”

“Well, he didn’t think we could do long distance, with him being here and me traveling with you, so we just… parted right before I started working for you.”

You expect him to make a snarky comment about him, say something about how dumb he looks like, but he just stays silent and it worries you a lot. You want him to feel bitter about running into your ex, you want him to joke about him, to mock him, but he just sits there, eyes back on the menu without a word.

The nice lunch quickly turns awkward thanks to Daniel. The dude keeps coming over to your table, checking in on you and starting small talks that you definitely want to avoid but he just can’t get the hint. Shawn goes radio silent, he seems to shut Daniel’s existence out even though he keeps trying to bring him into the conversation. You realize you’ve been suffocating in there when you finally walk out. Daniel cheered how amazing it was to see you again and that you should definitely meet up and do some catch up sometime, to which you just nodded politely and basically escaped from the place.

“Hey,” you caress Shawn’s arm once you are on the way back to his place. He looks tensed, gripping the wheel like he is trying to crush it. “Everything alright?”

“Sure,” he nods shortly, but it doesn’t convince you.

“That didn’t sound too convincing.”

“Can’t do anything about that,” he replies and you can feel the sass through his tone. Knitting your eyebrows together you stare out the window, wandering what has gotten into him. Did Daniel upset him with something? You don’t remember him saying anything offensive, he just kept talking about you the whole time.

Nothing is said for the rest of the ride and it’s eating you up from the inside. You wish he would just say something, tell you one of his cheesy jokes that you love so much, but his silence is killing you. This wholesome day quickly turned into a mess by just one awkward run in.

Arriving back to his garage the two of you get out of the car as you have to get behind the wheel to drive back home.

“Any plans for the rest of the day?” you ask smiling up at him when you meet him at the back of the car.

“Probably just chilling, nothing exciting,” he shrugs leaning against the trunk. “You? Will you call Daniel?”

His question surprises you, didn’t expect it at all.

“Why would I?”

“Just asking,” he shrugs again and his nonchalance is kind of pissing you off.

“Alright, don’t forget to call Andrew tonight about the interview questions,” you remind him and he just nods, not even looking at you.

You wait a little, hoping he would turn this all around and start acting like himself but he doesn’t show any sign of that so you just give up.

“Thanks for today, see you at the studio on Friday,” you say with a fake smile as you walk past him and get into the car. You’re raging, you want to scream at him for being so unreadable wishing you could just read his mind. You see him in the mirror shaking his head before walking away and disappearing on the staircase.

You stop at the store on your way home and buy a huge box of chocolate ice-cream that doesn’t survive till the morning.

***

The past week has been the weirdest seven days since you met Shawn and you’ve been through a lot together. But that day you spent together just changed everything. Shawn became distant, cold towards you, only talking to you if it was necessary and nothing non-work related has been discussed even though you tried. It feels like he put a wall between the two of you and no matter how hard you’ve been trying to tear it down it just gets stronger and taller and it’s breaking your heart, mostly because you can’t figure out what you did or said to make him act like this.

You’ve been seeing each other constantly for four days since he has been doing interviews, photoshoots and meetings all day and it’s your job to be there and help him out with everything even though you wished you could just work from home. At first you thought it’s just your mind playing with you, making you believe something is off when everything is alright, but when the team goes out for dinner together Andrew pulls you to the side.

“Hey, did… Did something happen between you and Shawn?” he asks in a low tone, glancing over at the table. Shawn seems just fine, joking around with the guys, but whenever you are near him he completely changes.

“What do you mean?”

You try to play dumb, but you can’t fool Andrew.

“What I mean is you two act like you just broke up after three years together and now want the other to die a very painful death.”

“Okay, that’s a little harsh.”

“But it’s close to the reality,” he points out and you can’t argue. Shawn really has been giving you the dirtiest looks lately, making you feel like shit. “Whatever it is, just… work it out because it’s making everyone uncomfortable.”

“Did Brian bitch about it? His word is not accountable, he has a problem with everything,” you narrow your eyes at him, crossing your arms on your chest.

“Brian, Connor, Cez and even Karen called me yesterday because she saw a fan made video of him shrugging your hand off of him and she found it weird.”

That hurt a lot. You ran into a few fans leaving the studio and as usual, he stopped to take pictures, but you were late to his meeting so you gently tapped his shoulder to warn him that it’s time to leave and he just shrugged it off, completely shattering your heart. No one really noticed because you tried to act cool and the fans were too occupied by him, but Karen is more cautious than that.

“Look, I don’t want to get into your personal stuff, but this is starting to get ridiculous. We all know Shawn, he won’t come to you, he is too stubborn to do that so be the bigger person and force him to talk to you. Make up or just start being professional, whatever you find the best, but this is not okay.”

He walks back to the table, leaving you with this bitter taste in your mouth as you glance over at the table. Shawn is listening to Connor’s story, eyes shining, his smile wide and this is the Shawn you love so much. Happy, carefree and delightful, just a generally wonderful person. And you miss him being like that around you, but you have no idea how to get him to tell you why he is acting up.

You keep zoning out on him throughout the dinner, trying to figure out how to talk to him or what to even say. You’ve earned a few puzzled looks from him, but he didn’t even ask if you were alright, just tried to ignore you which felt like someone just twisted the knife in your heart that’s been in you for about a week.

You carpooled with Josiah on the way here so you figure out the best way to make him stay alone with you is if you ask him to give you a ride home.

“Hey, can you drop me off on your way?” you ask when the mood is starting to die down and people start to get ready to leave.

“Can’t Josiah drive you home?” he asks, ruder than you’d have liked, but you try to ignore that.

“He is going out for a night shoot and I don’t want to make him late.”

It’s not entirely a lie, he does have a night shoot he is heading to, but he assured he can drop you off before heading to the location. Shawn doesn’t seem to be too pleased by your idea, but he eventually just nods.

Saying goodbye to everyone you all head out to your own way, Shawn and you walking down the street to his car. You get into the passenger seat, but snatch the key from him before he could ignite.

“What the f—“

“We need to talk,” you cut him off.

“And why do you need to steal my keys for that?!”

“Because I need you to listen to me and you can’t focus when you’re driving.” You arch an eyebrow at him as he stares back at you in disbelief. He then finally crosses his arms on his chest leaning back in his seat, clearly pissed off, but you couldn’t care less.

You take a few deep breaths, trying to find the right words, but nothing feels right so you just say the first thing that comes to your mind.

“Did I do something?” His puzzled look tells you he doesn’t know what you’re talking about, or just refuses to cooperate with you. “Did I say something that upset you or did something happen? Because you’ve been acting weird all week and I just don’t know what to do to make it up to you because I don’t even know what I did wrong.”

He looks away from you, staring out the window and judging from his expression he knows exactly what you are talking about, but refuses to answer.

“Shawn, I can’t do this anymore. We are working together so I need us to be comfortable around each other and communicate. You’re making both very hard for me. Just tell me what’s wrong so I can change.”

“You can’t change this,” he mumbles, his words almost melting together as he barely opens his mouth.

“How do you know that? Just give me a chance!” you beg, desperate to find your answers.

“I know it because… It’s nothing that can be changed that easily!” he growls back, clearly not comfortable with the topic.

“But what is it? Is it the way I handle something? Or something I do that makes you uncomfortable?” you guess trying to figure it out yourself since he doesn’t help you at all. “I promise I won’t get mad, I just want to make things right again!”

“It’s you!” he then snaps, finally turning his head and looking into your eyes.

“What about me?”

“It’s… Everything about you, Y/N.”

“What?” you ask, your voice barely more than just a whisper as his words are basically crushing you.

He exhales sharply shaking his head as he grabs the wheel angrily, smacks his hand to the middle causing the honk to make everyone around the car jump, including you.

“Damn it, Y/N! It’s you! Ever since we met your dumb ex at that restaurant I’ve been wanting to go back and just… punch him in the face! The way he talked about you and the time he was dating you, it was literally killing me! I was so jealous I even considered just standing up and walking out.”

You just blink at him, totally petrified as he loads everything out on you.

“You seemed so nervous to see him and I figured you might still have feelings for him and it’s been driving me crazy to think about you with him. In fact, I don’t want to think about you with anyone at all, because I’m in love with you!”

You feel like you’ve been hit on the head by a brick as his words echo in your mind. He loves you. He really did just confess that he is in love with you and the reason why he has been acting up is because he was jealous of your ex. It takes a few seconds for you to process everything and when you do… you start laughing.

Your uncontrollable guffaw just fills the whole car as you lean ahead, snapping your hands to your thighs over and over again, tears forming in your eyes from the laughing and you just can’t stop. In the meanwhile Shawn is staring at you like you’ve just lost your mind and honestly, he is not entirely wrong.

“Feels nice that you find it so hilarious,” he grumbles under his breath and you force yourself to stop realizing how bad it makes him feel.

“I’m laughing, because… That’s not the case at all!” you manage to say, trying to catch your breath. “When we met Daniel I was so awkward, I just wanted him to be gone because he made me realize how much time I wasted on him back then. I never called him after that because I never want to see him again. The douche probably dumped me because he already had another chick waiting in line and now that I saw that he is still working the same shitty job as two years ago I thanked God I’m not with him anymore.”

“Oh.” Shawn knits his eyebrows together as the story gets straight in his head, realizing he has misinterpreted the whole situation.

“Gosh, I wish you just talked to me!” you sigh, head falling back as you stare up in disbelief. This whole week could have been avoided if only he chose to talk to you like a normal human being, but instead he went out of his way and made you feel miserable. “You know I was going crazy, because I thought I said something that made you hate me and I wished you’d just tell me so everything can get back to normal, but you really fucked me up all week,” you chuckle giving him a look and his cheeks start to turn rosy. “Do you know how much it hurts when the guy you are in love with pretends like you don’t even exist?”

His eyes snap at you and you can’t hold your smile back as you stare back at him.

“Wait, what? You said you are in love with me?” he asks, eyebrows so high they almost disappear in his hair. He looks so cute with his wide, doe-like eyes as he looks at you like you just gave him the most precious gift ever.

“Well, it was a generalization,” you point it out and the moment you see his face fall you quickly add. “But it meant that yes, I am indeed in love with you!”

You stare at him and he stares back at you, nothing is said but still, this silence is saying more than any words could. His hand slowly reaches over to your hands that are gripping onto the keys and as his palm wraps around your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze you can feel your whole heart melting.

“Let’s… Let’s leave this parking lot, okay?” he suggests and you nod, suddenly feeling nervous around him as you hand his keys back to him.

The car ride is quiet, but you exchange many glances and every time your eyes meet with his your heart skips a beat. You notice that instead of heading to your home he is driving on the way to his place. When the car rolls down into the underground garage of his building and he parks it to his usual spot you sit there silently.

“Look, I don’t want to rush anything and I know that you are probably concerned about working for me, but I think we should give it a try,” he softly says peeking over at you to see your reaction. “Spend the night here, we don’t have to do anything, I just want to wake up next to you without having the worst hangover,” he chuckles and you start laughing too.

“So I don’t have to clean up your puke if I stay?” you joke and he shakes his head no.

“Promise, the bucket will stay clean all night.”

“What a bummer,” you smile at him and reaching over he tugs your hair behind your ear as you close your eyes at his touch.

“So, are you staying?” he softly asks and judging from where his voice is coming from he has leant closer to you. A smile spreads across your face, but you don’t open your eyes just yet.

“Mm-hmm” you hum and opening your eyes you see that his face is only a few inches away from you, a satisfied grin sits on his pink lips.

“Great,” he whispers before closing the distance between you and him and finally kissing you.

It’s a slow, lazy but sweet kiss as you both savior the taste of each other, getting used to the feeling, but both of you seem to click very soon and he deepens the kiss while you cup his cheeks in your palms as you keep tugging and pulling at each other over the shifting gear.

Oh man, you’re not sure if Andrew meant the makeup like this, but now he will have to deal with it, because there’s no way you can keep your hands off of him from now on.

#shawn #mendes #shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfics #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fanfictions #shawn mendes oneshot #shawn mendes x reader #mendes army

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cilliankelly · 3 years

Text

text 📱 cillian & ellie.

Discord text thread featuring: cillian & @robinscnfm

When: december 25th

Mentions: @judetaylorhq @loganstjames @iitsace

Description: ellie texts cillian to wish him merry xmas. they discuss their relationships and ellie encourages cillian to try and be better, but for himself, not for anyone else.

Trigger Warnings: insecurities galoooore but i think that’s it.

ellie.

merry christmas dumbass 🤩 hope u had a good time and that your leg is better ❤️ you’re awesome buddy

Cillian

thanks els bells

i know i don’t always act like i do, but i really do appreciate you and shit. thanks for everything and merry christmas

also i’m sorry about your couch

ellie.

i know you do ❤️ no problem. I really did take you in just to do you a solid, buddy

no problem 😂

i might not even need to get one. Yknow, logan asked me to move in and if i do, probably the less furniture the better. U know i have enough shit as it is lmao

Cillian

👀

does this mean you’re seriously considering it?

moving in with the boyfriend?

ellie.

honestly? I kind of am

i have until mid january to think about it

and i like his apartment, plus our schedules don’t always line up because he has a day job and i have a morning job and a night job, which makes hanging out impossible sometimes

Cillian

these all seem like very sensible conclusions

ellie.

They are. I mean. Its kind of scary im ngl

Cillian

definitely scary. but good i think.

ellie.

im not used to living with anyone which definitely freaks me out

and u know i love my crappy ass apartment

but.... its also exciting idk

Cillian

no i totally get it.

i mean it’s a little different for me bc until recently i didn’t really feel like i ever had a home

but it’s nice. it’s big and it’s kind of scary but it’s also really great.

ellie.

ohhhh wait wait 👀

are u moving in w .. someone?

its such a nice apartment too im ngl

and he doesnt let me pay for anything which wasnt an issue when we were 18 but now it makes me feel ✨very guilty✨

Cillian

fuck tell me about it

and i mean... yeah. he gave me a key for christmas

ellie

omg im so happy for you!!!!

thats so so awesome

fuckin scary too but im excited for u

Cillian

thanks. i desperately trying to not fuck it up anymore than i already have. but i feel good about it.

ellie.

he wants to marry me

Cillian

holy shit

i know you guys dated in high school but you’ve been together how long?

ellie.

a fuckin MOOD but hes lucky to have u. Yall are a good match

Cillian

wow thanks. that’s actually like, good to hear.

i kind of feel like i magically won the best friend/boyfriend lottery or something

ellie.

this time around? About a month. Overall? Like almost three years

but no. What he said was that he still had the ring he’d bought back then

and that he wanted to give it to me whenever i was ready to be asked

it fuckin scares me how much he loves me idk what i did to deserve it

U SAID BOYFRIEND

Cillian

sounds like we really are in the same boat

wait what

ellie.

im so happy

yeah we are. Idk ive never been with anyone who loved me so... up front and decisively

Cillian

it’s fucking terrifying

ellie.

it is

Cillian

like i’m really happy???? but i look at him and my chest gets all tight and all i can think about is how much it’s gonna suck to lose him.

also i’m a bit buzzed on wine right now and this conversation is staying RIGHT HERE eleanor.

i have a rep to maintain

ellie.

THATS LOVEEEEE CILLIANNN

and idk im conflicted. He told me he wanted to pick it up where we left off and i told him i wanted to take it slow, and he agreed

and i do want to take it slow....... but oof falling back to the place where we used to be before It happened has been so easy its fuckin scary

Cillian

and oh my god shut uuuuuuuuuuup

i can’t even imagine.

ace is back in town and that’s been... weird

ellie.

IM NOT GONNAAAA U LOOOVE UR BF

my resolve to go slow with him is getting weaker and weaker i am such a mess

i know. I think i saw her the other day. Hows everything on that front?

Cillian

i don’t know. fine? a little awkward. i don’t have feelings for her still but like. i see her and it reminds me how shitty i was. and still am.

ellie.

and dont worry. Yes people leave but not the ones that really love you.... and i have a feeling u found it

Cillian

i think it’s really bumming him out that like... nobody knows we’re... together.

ellie.

yeah why is that?

Cillian

i don’t know...

telling people makes it like... real.

and jude thinks that by not telling people it makes it easier for me to take it all back and regress or whatever

but i just... ellie i’m like positive that i’m gonna fuck this up. and i don’t know if i want to share it. with anyone really. not when it’s this good.

i don’t know if that makes any sense

ellie.

but its important to him

Cillian

he says it’s fine but i know it’s not.

ellie.

and listen

theres a strong possibility you WILL fuck it up and theres also a strong possibility that you will NOT fuck it up. No one knows.

and theres a possibility that he’ll fuck it up

or maybe something else will come in between you two and pull you apart

no one fucking knows ok dude

Cillian

jesus ellie, not making this any easier over here

ellie.

and you’re wasting the sweetest part of a relationship by thinking about the end

so like. The most u can do is stop thinking so far ahead, stop getting in your own way, and every day make the conscious decision to show him you love him and to not to fuck it up. Thats all any of us can do

Cillian

i don’t deserve him, i really don’t.

i’ve never felt so useless in my entire life.

ellie.

youre not useless

but i get you, i really do

Cillian

i can’t even fucking walk correctly. i can’t work. i can’t do anything

and i don’t know that i’ve ever like, really wanted to be better. but fuck. he deserves more than this.

ellie.

no no dont think like that

if you want to do anything about becoming more educated or some shit like that you have to do it for YOU because YOU deserve better

Cillian

it was hard enough the first time around. i’m just not cut out for it.

ellie.

i just think you havent found the right motivation

Cillian

and what’s that? the right motivation?

ellie.

idk how to describe it

like when i was in college i would think about graduating and being independent and it got me through boring classes and shit like that

so yeah. maybe what you need is motivation

Cillian

i know this is dumb. and it’s gonna get me an eye roll or something. but it’s just so much easier... to not.

ellie.

no its not dumb

but like. sometimes the things that are worth it arent the easy ones

Cillian

i just don’t want to fail again.

ellie.

bad news, youre gonna

Cillian

you’re all sunshine and rainbows this evening

ellie.

im tipsyyy

and also giving it to u straight

ur gonna fail bc failing is just. part of the human experience

but !! ur also gonna succeed my dude

Cillian

i guess you don’t know if you don’t try.

ellie.

also idk i think ur fear is valid and it happens to me too

so i just think itd be bullshit to tell u like <3 ur not gonna fail <3 everything will work out <3

Cillian

yeah. i wouldn’t believe you if you said that anyways.

ellie.

yeah exactly so like

the best thing i can say is that when you think that youre gonna fail just. try to think the opposite

Cillian

easier said than done

but i appreciate the advice

ellie.

yeah i know it is

no problem buddy <3 anytime

#texts → cillian & ellie #discord #i love these two sm

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yourkittywilde · 5 years

Text

i like me better when i’m with you

TAGGING → @yourkittywilde & @sammynolanh

TIME FRAME → ummm mid feburary (i think. i’m terrible).

LOCATION → NYC locations + Sammy’s apartment

WARNINGS → Alcohol. Also this is HELLA long.

NOTES → Sammy returns from filming in LA. There’s coffee, napping, and drinking. And they decide to move in together when they get to LA.

KITTY

Kitty was still debating even showing up to meet Sammy as she got to the coffee shop. It was easier to feel like she didnt need or want him around when he was thousands of miles away. She had done everything she could think of to prepare herself for his realization that they couldn't work any longer -- shed given dude back, she'd taken down the Polaroids from her wall, and kept Netflix off since it always seemed to watch to recomend she watch his movies again . Kitty had told him over and over again that she was terrible at relationships and she would eventually push him away, and the blonde felt as though it may have sunk in. Her heart sinks to her stomach when she sees her boyfriend -- he was still her boyfriend, right? -- and she wants to turn and run. But she could hardly avoid him forever (she'd tried that once). She swallowed nervously and took a seat across from him, looking down at the cup in his hand and up at him. "Hey. Welcome home."

SAMMY

Sammy was so lost in his thoughts, looking down at his hands, that he hadn’t even seen or heard Kitty sit across from him until he heard her voice which removed him from thoughts, a smile appearing on his lips without a second thought. He was happy to see her, and even went to hug her until he remembered the terms they were on and he reserved himself. He didn’t even know if she wanted him to touch her. “I- sorry... hey, thanks. It’s good to be back.” He offered her a small smile. “How are you?” He asked, not that he really expected to get an answer from her but he did want to know.

KITTY

Kitty's lips press together sadly as she watches Sammy move in and then change his mind. This was awkward... They really should have done this over text message or the phone or something equally less confronting."its fine... and yeah, I bet." She says simply, her fingers idly combing through her hair. "Yup... i'm great." It was the answer that fell from her lips whenever she was forced to engage in small talk. Truthfully this week had somehow managed to be one of the best weeks of her life... while simultaneously sucking. "How's Dude?"

SAMMY

Sammy chewed on his lip and sat quietly in his chair, hearing Kitty make bullshit conversation. He only had one question on his mind and he couldn’t wait to get an answer. “Did you come here to break up with me?” He blurted out, maybe a little too loud. “Do you not love me anymore?” He asked a lot quieter and feeling extremely vulnerable like he didn’t want to hear the answer. He looked away from her, feeling himself become emotional as her took deep breaths.

KITTY

Her eyebrows furrow, and she's surprisingly not even concerned about who might be listening to their conversation. "I dont love you." It meant to come off as a question, but the way her heart was beating from her chest was making it difficult to breathe let alone fully understand what was happening right now and respond appropriately. She had been just waiting for it to be over with. "I don't want to break up with you." The words stumble only a little. "I mean, I thought about it... a lot. When we started dating I was basically homeless, I was this poor college student, and you were... well, you." She shrugs. "And I want to be successful, Sammy. Like not the sort of successful people settle for, the sort where Im on top. I dont want to always be questioned if I'm getting somewhere because I'm Samuel Hummel's girlfriend." She pauses, and steals Sammy's coffee, bringing it to her lips -- she needed caffeine way more than he did right now. "But aren't you here to end things anyway? So none of this even matters."

SAMMY

Sammy felt his heart drop to the floor but continued listening as she spoke, a mix of emotions running through him. He scoffed. “Kitty, I want you to be successful. I want you to be more than successful... and like you’ve said, I’m a C list actor. I’m nothing. You’re fucking awesome, you’ll come on top because you’re you...” he huffed and furrowed his brows as she took his cup from him. The sleeve falling apart from him picking at it. “End things? You’re the one who didn’t want to talk to me. ...I just want to fix things... I just want to understand why you won’t open up to me... I thought we were past this.”

KITTY

"You're B list." She admits. "And you're not nothing. Everyone loves you. But the world is biased." She shakes her head and slides back the tattered coffee cup to the brunette. "Theres always some old white man somewhere who believes a woman cant make it without a man." Aka her father. But sammy was right, everytime kitty thinks she's making progress opening up to Sammy, life intervenes and her first response is to push the man away. But she didnt really know how to put that into words. "How am I supposed to know when I can open up to you and when I cant? You're never here, Sammy. I get it, you have work or... whatever...but, while you've been off working I've been here."

SAMMY

As Kitty pushed back the cup to him, he took hold of her hand gently and nodded “You’re right. There will always be someone saying you can’t do it. You don’t think I’ve heard it a million times? I’m a joke to some people and while, yes it sucks, I still believe in what I do and so should you... Who fucking cares what the others think when you’re out there being successful and living your best life... I know you’re going to make it big someday.” He assured her and shook his head as he squeezed her hand. “Kitty, you can always talk to me, no matter where I am. I’m always going to be there to listen and support you. I don’t know where you get the idea that I won’t.” He sighed.

KITTY

Kitty doesnt move away when Sammys hand touches hers. In fact she could almost feel herself start to relax -- It was comforting, the sort of comfort she'd never been able to find with anyone else. "I don't care what everyone thinks." Not really a lie. "I care what my parents think." Kitty looks down at their hands, and sighs under her breath. "If I can't get them to believe I can make it on my own, how do I get the rest of the world?" Her gaze moves to meet Sammy, and she bites down on her lip softly as she listens to him talk. "I cant do that. I can't just call you up and talk to you about my feelings... I'm not that girl. I need you here." She takes a breath, and reminds herself that hes a celebrity and they're in public. "I'm sorry for telling you I didn't want to talk to you? But since when do you actually listen to me when I tell you to leave? Or stay away? So, i dont know, it seemed fair to assume you were done."

SAMMY

Sammy nodded, knowing what it was about now. “I know, babe. But you’ll show them. You’re going to make it big and then they’ll know, whether they accept it or not.” He brought her hand up to his lips and then caressed it against his face. “I know and it hasn’t been easy for me to be away either. I know it’s not the same as us being together and I’m sorry for being away for so long but it is something I can’t control, Kitty... that’s something we’ll have to work on and hopefully get better at. But once we’re in LA it shouldn’t be a problem....” he sighed and dropped their hands back down but still holding hers in his. “I wanted to to give you the space you asked for... I was going to call you and all but then you gave Dude back and I didn’t know what to think... I thought you were done with me, too.” He confessed.

KITTY

Kitty nods, she logically knows Sammy had no control over his filming schedule... She just missed her boyfriend. Besides, he'd done everything he could to be back as much as possible. "I know." There's a faint smile on her lips for the first time when he kisses her hand, and all she wants to do is lean over the table and actually kiss him. "I don't think I can do long distance anymore." She says honestly. "So if you could plan your next movie for when I'm in L.A that would be great." Kitty's tone is very matter of fact, because while she trusted Sammy -- shockingly -- it was too easy for her to push him away wen he wasn't here, for her to just assume he wasn't coming back. She shakes her head, "No...I'm not done with you."

SAMMY

Sammy felt a sigh of relief leave his lips and his body visibly relaxed at her words. They were out of the woods for now. “I have no upcoming movies, I got all my filming out of the way this month... any news on jobs out in LA for you?” He asked, hopeful for her. He moved over to the chair next to Kitty’s just wanting to be closer to her. He leaned against her and kissed her cheek. “Good, cause I’m not done with you either. We should go out tonight.” He suggested.

KITTY

Kitty actually found herself smiling when Sammy moved closer, an hour ago she was convinced her relationship was coming to an end, smiling didn't feel even close to doable. She shifts her hand to rest contently on his leg, "I actually got a job." Her smile widened, it was the first time she had said the words out loud... Or told anyone besides a professor at NYU. "I got the job... It's entry level obviously, and I think there's currently a 'kitty wilde destroyed my life club' because of it, but I had a meeting with TMZ on Valentine's Day -- I think they got sick of my daily emails with new and amazing reasons why they should hire me." She shrugged. "Anywhom... I pitched a few stories, and they didn't hate them, I guess. I found out on Monday I got a job... I wanted to tell you, but well... yeah. Just don't tell me that I'm an awful person. That's old news, and besides, I did what I needed to do." She turned to him and bit down on her lip as she realized she sort of just rambled on. "Yes, let's go out tonight." Kitty murmurs happily, not able to stop herself from looking at his lips. "Since we're not breaking up right now can I kiss you again?"

SAMMY

Sammy did a double take as she said the words. He was so happy for her. “What? You got the job?!” He asked ecstatically, a huge dopey grin reached his ears as he pulled her in for a tight hug, rocking her back and forth in her seat. He knew how much she wanted it and how hard she worked for it. “Holy shit, babe. That’s amazing. I’m so proud of you.” He pulled away slightly but not before kissing her deeply. “You can kiss me as many times as you want.” He grinned. “So, when do you start?”

KITTY

Kitty hadn't expected that reaction from Sammy -- she honestly hadn't expected that reaction from anyone considering the circumstances. She grins and wraps her arms around him tightly, allowing herself to be genuinely super happy about everything for the first time since she got the news. "I got the job." She repeats and laughs a little, finally feeling her body relax as he embraced her. "Thanks, hot shot." She says with a soft smile before leaning into his lips -- beyond thankful she didn't have to give that up. "Good... The whole making out thing is most of the reason I have a boyfriend." She teases, before pulling away. "I start in a month... But I guess a week of that has already passed now... so three weeks?"

SAMMY

Sammy rolled his eyes at her comment but then raised his brow “So you’re moving to LA in less than a month? Girl, we have to look for places and areas, LA can be very sketchy.” He warned her.

KITTY

"I move to LA in less than a month..." She scrunches up her nose a little as she repeats the words, the girl hadn't really thought about how quick that sounded. "I sort of didn't think about the whole physical moving part to be honest. I was more worried about the job part. I haven't even started looking for places to live." She admits. "But I survived in my tiny shoe box apartment in a somewhat sketchy area in New York, I'm sure LA is going to be easy."

SAMMY

“Holy crap, Kitty. We need to look for places for you. I can help you. And I need to look for a place too, hopefully somewhere close to you...” he rambled as he pulled out his phone. “Well, yeah. But people are more homey here. LA is filled with mean people who don’t give a fuck about you.” He mentioned as he shot a text to his assistant.

KITTY

"Sammy..." She smiled, and rested her hand on his arm. "We have time... and you don't have to move." Granted after their last conversation it probably wouldn't be great for their relationship, but Kitty wasn't about to force anyone to move their life to a new state. "Breathe. Nothing has to be sorted right now... I just got my boyfriend back, and you're probably the only person on the planet right now who can share my excitement. So can we go and celebrate or something? ... Now that we're definitely not breaking up?" She added, needing to make sure with certainty she wasn't about to let her walls down again to be heartbroken like an hour later.

SAMMY

Sammy had set his mind a while back when Kitty has first mentioned LA and it was somewhere he definitely wanted to be with Kitty. It also just made sense for his career in general and his agent and assistant would be thrilled for him to be in the city. More opportunities for him to work on. “Oh, I’m moving. What if you find a hotter Netflix star?” He joked. “I’m definitely gonna be around.” He grinned and kissed her cheek. “Okay, yes. We will look at this later, I have to go home and check on Dude before we do anything tonight. You coming?”

KITTY

"True... LA is crawling with hot Netflix stars. And I might actually have a shot with Luke if you're not standing in the way like you were at the Christmas party." She muses teasingly and smiles bashfully at the kiss on her cheek. There was no doubt in her mind, she already had the hottest one. Kitty perked up at the mention of seeing Dude, she hadn't seen him in days and that felt like a really really long time to her. The two hadn't spent that long apart since Sammy and Kitty went to Florida. "Yes." She nods, trying not to show how enthusiastic she was about seeing the dog. "He's okay... Yeah?" She asks standing up from the chair. "Like, when you got him. He was ok?"

SAMMY

Sammy flares at Kitty. “That’s not funny, cause Luke actually asked me for your number a few days after that.” He bit his lip at the confession and looked away. “Anyway, yeah, he’s doing great. He was very excited to see me so I suppose that’s a good sign.” He smiled at Kitty as he stood with her. “Let’s go, okay? I’m sure Dude is going to be ecstatic to see you.”

KITTY

"Whoa whoa whoa." Kitty lowers her voice to try and jokingly resemble her boyfriend's. "Did you sabotage my chances with Luke? Again?" She feigns shock, looking up and scrunching her nose at Sammy. Not that she cared, it was Sammy she wanted... she just didn't want to admit that at the time. "That's good." She responds about Dude, feeling a pang of guilt when she thinks about him not being with either of them for a few days. The idea of ending a relationship with Sammy and losing Dude on the same day hurt way too much. She pushes open the door of the coffee shop, and feels the cold air brush her cheeks immediately. "I'm sorry I gave him back." She eventually gets the words to roll from her tongue, folding her arms in front of her chest. "How did you get here?"

SAMMY

Sammy looked away sheepishly as he bit his lips. “He wasn’t right for you.” Sammy mentioned as he made his way out the door with Kitty, searching for her hand and intertwining their fingers together. “It’s okay. We forgive you.” He smiled at the girl. “I walked. Needed to clear my head but it didn’t really work, I was really nervous about everything.” Sammy shrugged, bringing her hand back up to his lips. It was very comforting to him.

KITTY

"Worst. Wingman. Ever." She replies, sideeyeing Sammy. "Is this where you get really cheesy and tell me he couldn't have been right for me because you are?" Her fingers latch into his and the girl cant help the soft smile from dancing on her lips, thankful he wasnt holding it against her that she stopped looking after the dog -- God knows if the situation was reversed Kitty wouldn't be as forgiving. She wants to apologize and tell him it won't happen again, but she wasn't going to make a promise she couldn't keep. Because it didnt matter how many perfect words Sammy sang it was like Kitty was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. "There's no polar blast, so we can walk, I guess." She comments, squeezing his hand gently. "Still nervous?"

SAMMY

Sammy shook his head and brushed off her comment with a small laugh. He knew he wasn’t perfect for Kitty but he also knew Luke definitely wasn’t either. He pressed soft kisses to her hand and walked idly along with her down the sidewalk. He definitely felt relieved but he was always nervous about Kitty, he didn’t know if he’d ever not be. And sometimes, most times, it was a good kind of nervous as it had become now. Sammy shrugged a little and leaned his head on hers. “You always make me nervous.” He sighed with a small smile.

KITTY

"Because I'm so unpredictably wild?" She asks with a short laugh. "Kidding... I know you're being sappy." Kitty nudges his side playfully. The two were so different, and maybe on paper they shouldn't work, but the thought of not being with him scared the blonde more than anything had in some time -- the past week showed her that. "So where are we going tonight? Because as much as I love Sassy Nights, it reminds me of my lost dreams of becoming a stripper."

SAMMY

“Yeah, honestly. You are unpredictable, but I love that about you.” He responded with a small nod as he brought their hands back down, he ended up wrapping his arm around her shoulder instead. “Okay, where would you like to go? I’m down for any hole in the wall bar.” He smiled.

KITTY

"You do?" She furrows her brows, knowing there's a part of him that's probably lying about that -- like, surely no one wants to constantly be guessing if they're girlfriend is going to push them away today. Kitty snakes her arm around his waist and leans her head contently on his chest. "A hole in the wall sounds great... anywhere you can avoid paparazzi and girls trying to steal you away all dang night." She muses, biting down on her lip gently -- she would fight anyone for Sammy, but she had only just got him back. Her lips curl into a smile when they get to Sammy's apartment building, it had been weeks since shed been here but the familiarity of the place was comforting. Plus, dude was inside!

SAMMY

“I think so, yeah. Like don’t get me wrong you frustrate me sometimes but it keeps me on my toes and I like that... idk maybe that’s the actor in me liking the roller coaster of emotions.” He shrugged with a nervous chuckle “I’m sure there will be girls trying to steal me away at any bar.” He teased and shoved her playfully as they reached his apartment. He greeted the doorman and they made their way up to the apartment. Upon entering they were immediately greeted by the cheerful puppy. Sammy crouched down to pick him. “Hey little dude, excited to see someone.” He chuckled and handed him off to Kitty after a few licks from the pup.

KITTY

Kitty nods slowly as he talks. "You are a very emotional person." She comments with a teasing smile. "No girls are allowed to steal you away tonight." She says with a serious look, her eyebrows furrowed. "You're mine, they can go and find someone whose girlfriend isnt prepared to set a killer dog on them. Maybe we should go to a gay bar..." she pauses as she remembers Sammy would probably be more interested in that. "Actually, no." Kitty grinned the second they entered the apartment and Dude showed up. She bites her lip a little nervously watching the two and feeling kinda guilty for giving him back. Sammy and dude were like... family. "Hey..." she takes him into her arms, her nose scrunching as he licks it. "Sorry, buddy." She says softly to him. "But hey, your dad's home." She smiles and looks at Sammy. "Yeah I know, im totally the fun one."

SAMMY

“No one could steal me away from you even if they tried. I’m yours babygirl.” He smiled back at her. “Alright, we’ll find a place.” He nodded. He made his way further into the apartment and sat down on his couch, looking up at Kitty. “C’mere.” He said reaching out for her.

KITTY

Not that she'd admit it -- because petnames were super cheesy -- but it still made kitty's heart race whenever he called her that. She rolls her eyes playfully and with the pup still in her arms she moves to where Sammy is sitting, straddling his waist before letting Dude off onto the couch. "I missed you." She murmurs quietly as she looks down and picks off the little dog hairs from his shirt one by one. "Hey.. are you still going to think I'm a good person when I'm writing about people... like, that you know?"

SAMMY

Sammy waited for the puppy to jump off to wrap his arms around the girl. “I’ve missed you, too. So much.” He told her with soft smile as he pressed kisses to her head. “I mean you’re not writing lies... I don’t see how writing the truth would make you a bad person.” He replied honestly.

KITTY

The faint look of worry on her face changes with Sammy's words. Why couldn't everyone see it as he did? "You're awfully open minded for an actor who's sort-of-sexy face is all over our site." Our site -- it felt way more real now that Sammy knew. She looks up to meet his eyes before leaning in to kiss him, smiling against his lips as the taste off coffee still lingers. "Thank you though." She says quietly as she pulls away. "So I guess now I'm moving to LA in three weeks, we're not going to Mexico?" She asks, her fingers twirling into hair as she speaks.

SAMMY

Sammy shrugged. He had always been pretty open minded about most things. “Sort of sexy?” He raised a brow at her but melted into her kiss. “Mexico?” He asked, forgetting for a moment about what they had talked about. “Oh, right, sorry. My brain is all jumbled. We can still go to Mexico. It would be nice to take a little vacation just the two of us.” He smiled at the girl and squeezed his arms tightly around her.

KITTY

"You forgot?" Kitty shakes her head. "What is it you think about when you're away anyway? Because when Dude and I aren't having elaborate coffee dates, I'm thinking about you... On a beach...wearing very little clothing." She smirks, as she presses soft loving kisses along his jaw. "But I guess we can also do that in LA now come summer, so I'll forgive you for forgetting our incredibly briefly discussed vacation." To be fair their conversation had been a little about mexico and a lot about threesomes. "Is there anything I can do to help with the whole jumbled brain thing?" She asks genuinely. Normally that comment wouldn't get a second thought from Kitty, but it was Sammy, and Sammy seemed to always be an exception.

SAMMY

“Mostly scripts I have to learn and publicity shit.” He replied honestly. “And I think about missing you and being here with you...” he smiled at her and tilted his head as she pressed kisses to his skin. “I mean, we can still go. I can get things set up so we can go before LA, unless you want to wait until after we move in.” Sammy told her and looked down at her with a genuine smile. “It’s getting better. But I think I’m just tired from all the work I did this month. But thank you for offering.” He told her and kissed her cheek.

KITTY

"I'm not gonna have a whole lot of time when I get to LA... I'm not as charming as you, and it's really important to me to not to mess anything up, you know? I need this job to go well." She says with half a shrug. "We can go to Mexico, but it's not the end of the world if we dont, babe... It was a passing conversation." Kitty nods at his answer, "Do you want to take a nap or... something? I can take Dude to the park or go back to Louis' for a bit. And we can always just go out tomorrow night... give you time to relax or whatever it is B list celebs do when they finish filming movies."

SAMMY

“I totally get that.” He nodded and rubbed her back. “We will do whatever you want to do. I’m in no rush.” He responded. He pouted playfully because he was thinking of a nap but he didn’t want kitty to leave. “You know me. But I don’t want you to go. I want you to be my body pillow.” He said as he squeezed around her and buried his face in her neck. “You’re comfy.” He mumbled against her skin.

KITTY

"There's always after graduation." Between working and college, Kitty's not even sure how she'll have time to see Sammy let alone go out of the country -- though there are worse places to be confined to than L.A. She laughs a little at Sammy's pout, rolling her eyes. "Fiine" She grumbles jokingly, and pulls herself up from the boy's lap before extending him her hand to take. "I'll stay. C'mon.... Let's go take a nap, sleepy head."

SAMMY

Sammy grinned. “I love you so much.” He chuckled as he took her hand and followed her back to his bedroom. “Just like an hour nap then we can get ready to go out, promise.” He told her as he jumped into his bed.

KITTY

"Yeah yeah, I've heard that before." She laughs softly, watching as the puppy follows Sammy's lead in jumping onto the bed. "It's like having two of you home." She teases, following them both and crawling up next to the scruffy haired brunette. "I love you." Kitty strokes his cheek lightly before leaning in to kiss his forehead. "Just in case I haven't told you in a while." And she hadn't... Not since before she snapped at him. Dude curled up between their legs and Kitty let's her boyfriend's head rest on her chest. "I'm glad you're home." She says simply as her fingers stroke through his hair. "Now go to sleep so we can do something not boring."

SAMMY

Sammy yawned briefly before cuddling into Kitty’s side. “I’m glad I’m home, too.” He smiled and soon drifted to sleep, only to awake about 45 minutes later feeling a lot better and refreshed. He stretched himself out in bed and looked to his side to see if Kitty had stuck around.

KITTY

Kitty didnt have the 'sleep anywhere' skill Sammy had -- she sort of envied the way he was able to just fall asleep at any time. She had put on the television, quietly watching it with Dude as her boyfriends head rested on her. "Hey. Welcome back." She joked when she realized he was awake. "Feel any better?"

SAMMY

Sammy smiled up at Kitty with squinting eyes and nodded as he continued to stretch. “Mhmm. Lot better.” He murmured and went up to kiss Kitty on the cheek. He sat up and pet Dude before turning back to look at Kitty again. “Imma go ahead and take a shower. Do you want to join?” He asked with a raised brow.

KITTY

"Good idea... you smell like... a boy." Kitty scrunches her nose teasingly before nodding, "I should probably check the water pressure." She replies with a half smile. "Since you know, its been a while since I've been here." The girl gets up from the bed, stretching slightly as though she had just been asleep -- it was kind of exhausting doing nothing. "Come on, hot shot. Before you decide you need to sleep again."

SAMMY

Sammy laughed and and got off the bed, following her to the bathroom. His arms wrapped around her waist from behind as he kissed her shoulder. “I’ve miss you so so much.” He gave her a tight hug before he pulled away to remove his shirt and pants. Then he walked over to turn the water on, making sure it was at the right temperature before turning back to Kitty. “Ladies first.” He grinned

KITTY

"Oh my gosh." She laughs at the arms suddenly embracing her tightly from behind. "I missed you too, weirdo." Kitty turns to him as he pulls away, her smile widening a little when his clothes come off -- she couldn't help it. "You're still a little good looking I see." She smirks and takes her own clothes off, not really caring about them falling to the ground messily. "That's very gentlemanly of you... also very 1950s." She steps into the warm water, and holds out her hand for Sammy and pulls him in with her. "Much better."

SAMMY

Sammy winked at her and joined her under the water. He lets the hot water collide against his back for a moment, letting out a soft groan of pleasure before he pulls Kitty under the stream with him. “How’s the water pressure?” He asked

KITTY

Kitty presses her lips together and hums softly at the question, letting the water wet her hair and warm the rest of her body. "I give it an eight out of ten." She says with a simple nod, letting her hands glide gently down Sammy's side idly as she talked. "The company is... slightly above average."

SAMMY

“Slightly above average, huh?” He raised a brow. “And what could said company do to make it better?” He asked with a bite to his lip as he admires the girl’s body, glistening under the water.

KITTY

Kitty shrugs. "The company should come closer." She muses, her fingers lingering on his abs as she lifts her eyes to meet his. "And then the company should probably stop talking and start kissing me... sort of like kissing in the rain, but we're less likely to catch pneumonia which makes it way more romantic."

SAMMY

Sammy bit his lip as she spoke. His hands wandered to her waist and pulled her in close, her front touching his. He leaned down, his lips ghosted over hers and he nipped at them gently before he kissed her deeply.

KITTY

Her eyes followed Sammy's movements, and she couldn't stop her heart from speeding up when his body became flush with hers. Her arms reach up to wrap around his shoulders, her fingers twirl into the back of his wet hair, and she happily let's herself melt in the feeling of his lips meeting hers. This was everything she didnt expect when she got out of bed this morning sure they were about to break up. Lost in the kiss, Kitty loses her balance for a second, stumbling on her own feet and falling back into the wall of the shower, pulling Sammy with her. "Sorry." She murmurs against him, a half smirk lighting her lips. "But I'm pleased to report the company has improved their score." She chews on her bottom lip and untangles her body from her boyfriend, pushing him back into the water stream playfully. "You're meant to be cleaning yourself." She says, grabbing the body wash and throwing it at him. "You should really stop getting so distracted, babe."

SAMMY

Sammy yelped a bit and caught himself with one hand against the wall, laughing over the short girl. “It’s okay. You’re cute, so you get a pass.” He grins and raises a brow. “Ah, really? What’s the score now?” He asked as he was pushed back into the water. He caught the bottle and nodded. “Alright, Alright.” He said pouring some on his hand and handing it back to her. “Get my back?” He asked as he turned away from her and soaped himself down.

KTTY

"Company gets an eight out of ten." Anything higher would give the male way too much of an ego. She laughs softly and takes the bottle back from Sammy. "How did you even survive without me in LA for a month?" Kitty teases, pouring a small amount on her hands and rubbing her hands down his -- surprisingly toned -- back. "You know, I don't think I've ever seen you go to the gym and yet... You look like this." She shakes her head and uses the remaining soap on her own body, though she had showered earlier that day. "It's a miracle."

SAMMY

“Only an eight?” He questioned and laughed. “It was hard, had to get one of those scrubby things on a stick.” He grinned . Sammy actually went to the gym all the time, he enjoyed being active just as much as he liked settling down. “I go regularly, actually. Have a trainer and everything. This body is far from a miracle.” He chuckled softly as he finished washing his body.

KITTY

"What a hassle." She chuckled slightly, rinsing the soap from her hands and her body. Kitty raised her eyebrows, "You do?" She looked up at Sammy curiously, and leaned her side against the wall. "I mean... of course you do." He was an actor, he'd be stupid not to. But sometimes it became super obvious to her how little time they've actually spent together since getting into a relationship. "Is your trainer hot?"

SAMMY

“Exactly.” He agreed with a smile, “Yeah, at least a few times a week.” He shrugged and turned to look at Kitty. He rinsed off and got closer to the girl. “Eh, I mean I guess.” He answered, not really finding his trainer attractive but wanting to be nice about it.

KITTY

"It's like I know nothing about you." She muses only half joking, her lips pressing together a little. "What other totally boring secrets are you keeping from me?" Kitty asks with a faint smile, her hand gliding over his chest as she moves past him and out of the shower. "You guess? So you dont know if they're hot... or you dont know if you want to tell me if they're hot?" She asks, avoiding eye contact as she reaches for a towel -- trying so hard not to sound like a jealous girlfriend.

SAMMY

“You know I’ll tell you anything you want to know. This just never came up.” He leans in to peck her lips before she escapes from him. “Secrets? You know all my secrets.” He muttered. He shook his head. “No, I mean he’s hot, conventionally. But I don’t really find him attractive.” He shrugged. “He’s also like 15 years older than me.” He chuckled.

KITTY

"Please, you have no secrets." Kitty rolls her eyes, and uses the towel to dry herself before wrapping it around her and hooking it under her arms. "You're like... the most squeaky clean person I've ever met." She folds her arms in front of her and leans lazily against the wall, her wet hair still dripping down her back. "In fact it would almost make sense for you to be harboring a massive secret crush on your maybe-hot, mysterious, older personal trainer." She looks up at the tall brunette with a faint smile.

SAMMY

Sammy chuckled softly and shrugged at her words as he exited the shower after her, turning the water off. He walks up to her and presses her up against the wall with a raised brow. “Are you jealous?” He asked and leaned into kiss her temple. “You’re the only one I’m interested in. As cheesy as that sounds. I don’t want anyone else...”

KITTY

Kitty huffs quietly, "I don't get jealous." She lies, her eyes lifting to his lips pressing against her head. "Okay. Fine... maybe a little. Dont make a thing of it." She pouts a little and reaches for his waist, ignoring the fact hes just wetting her towel more and pulls him closer. "It's cheesy... and I still want to see shirtless pics of this personal trainer of yours. I need to see all competition."

SAMMY

Sammy tilts his head and raises his brows again. “Oh, really?” He chuckled as she admitted her jealousy “You’re fucking cute.” He grinned into her hair. “I’m not sure I have any shirtless pics of him but I’ll link you to his Instagram.” He compromised with her. “Maybe you can come train with us sometime.” He smiled at her.

KITTY

Kitty scrunches her nose, "I think I'll just stalk his insta. I don't really do gyms... There's only so long I can watch ego-driven men stand in front of a mirror flexing and being all like, 'do you even lift?'" She lowers her voice to try and imitate a dude's, shaking her head. "I'll stick to kick boxing and yoga." She leans in and kisses his chest softly before pushing him off her with one hand and passing him a towel. "Besides, I don't wanna invade your secret life." She teases.

SAMMY

Sammy threw his head back in laughter at her impression. “Seriously the cutest... we should do yoga sometime. Like couples yoga.” He mentioned as he took the towel from her, drying himself off. “Psh, you’re my girl. You get to know everything.” He smiled genuinely at her as he nodded towards the room where he was heading to. He looked through his closet, pulling on some boxers as he decided what to wear. “How casual are we going?”

KITTY

Kitty hushed him, "Not cute, thankyouverymuch." She raised a brow at his mention of doing yoga together. Kitty had started yoga at the beginning of college -- something her roommate of two minutes suggested to help her "chill", the blonde went to prove a point and as much as she wanted to hate it, she just never stopped. "You... Samuel Hummel -- the sleepiest boy in the world -- wants to go to yoga?" She chuckles, and takes a seat on his bed. "Well, I have like, four, changes of clothes here so... We can go super casual, I'm talking sweatpants and a hoodie, which I think belongs to you anyway. We can do normal casual, or we can do slightly above casual." She lists off. "Or sexy and slutty. But that's probably more of a for-your-eyes-only outfit."

SAMMY

Sammy turned back to give her a quick kiss before returning to his closet to pull out some skinny joggers and a slightly oversized hoodie. “Normal casual? Sound good to you?” He asked the girl as he turned back to her and began pulling his pants on. “Although, sexy and slutty sounds tempting.” He teased.

KITTY

Kitty nods. "Normal casual works." She finally gets up from the bed and moves over to the bag of clothes, grazing the back of Sammy's jeans lightly with her fingers as she walks past. The bag is more like a heaped pile of her random belongings at this point -- and one of Dude's toy which the pup has deemed to now belong to her. She sort of just moves things around until she puts her hands on a skirt and a sweater, shrugging to herself that it would do. "The sexy and slutty isn't totally off the table." She winks as the towel drops to the ground and she starts to get herself changed.

SAMMY

Sammy grinned at her touch and watched as she leaned over to dig through her bag. He tossed his hoodie on and sat at the edge of the bed. “Unfortunately I don’t have a pair of booty shorts that go with this hoodie. He teased with a chuckle. “You know... I can clear up a drawer for you to put your stuff in while you’re here if you want... just so you don’t have to have it all in the bag.” He offered

KITTY

"That's so disappointing." She jokes, turning to face Sammy with a smirk. "It's okay." Kitty shrugs at the suggestion of the draw. "I'm sort of a pro at living out of bags at this point, and even if I wasn't I'm moving soon so it's not like i'll spend a lot of time here." She smiled thankfully at him. "That's just creating way more work for yourself." She slides the sweater in over her head and flicks her hair so it's sitting on the outside. "Besides, where is Dude going to take all the toys he wants to give me when I'm not around if this bag is gone?" She leans over picking up a small soft toy and throwing it at Sammy. "I just need to dry my hair, and make myself even hotter than I already am." Kitty muses, kissing Sammy's cheek quickly as she moved past him and into the bathroom.

SAMMY

Sammy shrugged. “I don’t mind the work.” He told her. Even if she said no, he still planned on clearing some space for her, for the short time being. He chuckled at the girl as he dodges the toy. “That’s impossible. You’re the hottest already.” He grinned .

KITTY

later that night

Kitty stumbled back into Sammy’s apartment, reaching out to grab his shoulder to steady herself as she took off her shoes. Finally. “I’m hungry. “ She mumbled, not really thinking about what she was saying. Somewhere between the wine and tequila, Kitty had lost track of her words. The alcohol not only warmed her body enough to forget about the fact that it was freezing outside and she probably didn’t have enough clothes on, but also helped her forget about the paparazzi and fans wanting to climb up on her boyfriend. She had clung to the tall brunette all night, not caring who was around to see and paying zero attention to anyone else trying to steal away Sammy. “Duuuudeee.” She calls out to the puppy, grinning when he emerged from the bedroom. “Hey!” She picks up the growing pup into her arms and pats his head before looking back up at Sammy. “I feel bad we left him and brought him nothing back... You should see if they uber dog treats. Or puppy wine.”

SAMMY

Sammy stumbled in behind her with a smile. “I’ll order the ‘Za!” He yelled across the room as he booked it to the kitchen to look for the number of the 24hour pizza place. He peeked out of the kitchen and chuckled “I think that’s possible?” He asked confused, disappearing back into the kitchen and emerging with the paper with the phone number, his phone in the other hand, dialing.

KITTY

"You know there are apps for that, right?" Kitty smirks, letting Dude down from her arms and tugging at her boyfriend's shirt so he would follow her to the living room. "You know, I kinda like New York." She muses, sitting down on the couch and folding her legs off to the side of her. "Because it's where I met you." Kitty reaches out for Sammy to sit next to her, not bothered by how cliche the words that just came out of her mouth were. "My life would sort of suck without you." She furrowed her eyebrows for a second. "Well that's not entirely true, but, like, it wouldn't be the same. And I wouldn't be getting pizza soon. Which is a massive bonus." She laughs happily, pressing kiss to Sammy's cheek.

SAMMY

“Uh, yeah but this is the best pizza.” He replied as he followed her to the couch, still on the phone. He waited for them to answer and smiled at the girl making the gushy comments. “I love you.” He whispered before the person on the other line answered. “Uh, yeah, can I get a..... meat lovers with extra cheese... large. And umm... cheese sticks with marinara. Ooh also you guys have spaghetti? Mhm. Yeah an order of that...” he proceeded and gave them the address. After hanging up he turned his attention back to Kitty and rushed his lips to the exposed skin on her neck. “Pizza will be here in 25 minutes.” He whispered.

KITTY

"You got spaghetti? Who orders spaghetti with pizza, you weirdo." Kitty chuckles, grinning at the feeling of electricity spreading around the spot on her neck with the impact of his lips. "I love you so much." She murmurs and turns her body slightly to face Sammy on the couch. "Thank you for coming out tonight." Her fingers trace shapes idly on his thighs, and she can't stop herself from smiling tonight. "But we should just stay here for the rest of our lives... in this apartment. We're cooler than everyone else anyway."

SAMMY

Sammy frowned. “I like spaghetti.” He pecked her lips and smiled again. He pulled her closer, bringing her on his lap. “Thank you for being awesome.” He chuckled. “We should move in together, in LA. It would be so cool. I would get to see you every single day... I would love that.” He sighed and leaned in for another kiss.

KITTY

"Like... living together together." Kitty says the words out loud, nodding as she thought it through for all of about a second. She wraps her arms around his shoulders. "Are you serious?" She asks, a smile lighting her lips. "Because I'll totally live with you. It means I get to see you everyday, and I reeally like seeing you. Like... everything is better when I see you. So." She shrugs. "We should live together."

SAMMY

“Together, together.” He nodded “it’ll be you and me and Dude and we can even get an apartment with two rooms so Marley can come visit or whoever... it’ll be so great.” He mused with a big cheesy smile. Just the thought of living with the woman he loved made him so happy. “I wanna be with you forever and ever.”

KITTY

"It has to have two rooms." She says adamantly. "Because I love you, like... more than I love coffee, and pizza, and tmz, and trashy reality television combined. But I like Marley more." She teases, rubbing her nose lightly against his. "And I can't be anywhere without a bed for her." Kitty grins at his next words -- it was probably the alcohol (it was definitely the alcohol), but right now planning forever with this man didn't seem like the scariest thing in the world. In fact not spending forever with him scared her a lot more. "Forever's a really long time, babe. You don't think you'll get bored?"

SAMMY

Sammy nodded along with what Kitty said “Of course.” He agreed with her. And he didn’t mind it one bit. He loved that Kitty had someone who was there for her besides himself. He almost envied their friendship but in the best way. He leaned into her and kisses her again. “Me? Get bored of you? I could never ever ever. You’re everything.”

KITTY

Kitty leans into his kiss like it was the easiest thing her lips have ever done, not able to stop herself from giggling softly against them. All she wanted to do was be close to Sammy right now, she wanted to kiss him and be in his arms and never leave. Maybe it was too soon to move in, and maybe in the morning she'd get cold feet, but right now she was being honest with herself. And honestly? There wasn't a night she went to bed and didn't wish he and Dude were with her. "You're perfect." She whispers, her fingers twirling into his perfectly messy hair. "And sexy, and smart, and sweet, and stupidly funny." She smiles, blissfully happy. "And we can spend forever together making everyone insanely jealous of us." She purses her lips together, suddenly remembering her non existent domestic skills. "But I can't cook, babe."

SAMMY

Sammy blushed at her comments. It was rare when Kitty complimented him like that and it was nice. He liked it a lot more than he’d care to admit. He leaned his head against hers bashfully, hiding the redness in his cheeks. “You’re too good to me.” He told her and pressed his lips to her neck once again. “Forever.” he repeated and nodded “that’s okay. We can order pizza and eat cereal and sandwiches and drink coffee.” He assures her.

KITTY

Kitty laughs, "I'm really not, baby." Even drunk, she knew Sammy probably deserved someone who was a lot more... like him. Everything about them was her opposite, down to and including the way they communicated. "But I'm adorable so it makes up for it." She says grinning and leaning in to press small kisses along his jaw line and down the crook of his neck. "Good. Because you're mine." She murmurs against his skin with a smile. "I'm keeping you. And I'll fight alllll the bitches." She jokes (kinda) as she pulls away from him. "Foooood." The blonde grumbles, remembering at the topic of food that once upon a time a million years ago they ordered pizza. "I'm hungry... And I want to fuck you. But super hungry."

SAMMY

“You are even if you won’t admit it.” He nuzzled into her face. “All of them?” He asked with a chuckle. He was about to answer her about the food when he heard the knock at his door. “It’s here!!!” He yelled out and pushed Kitty down on the couch, hovering over her briefly and pressing a kiss to her lips before getting up and pulling his wallet out of his pocket, stumbling just a tad as he reached the door. He paid the man at the door, leaving him a big tip and returned to kitty, balancing the boxes in his arms. He placed everything down on the coffee table and smiled at the girl. “Let’s feast.”

KITTY

Kitty mouth opened excitedly when she heard the knock on the door, "Finally!" She grins, a small shriek leaving her lips as she's pushed back onto the couch. "Don't be long." She breathes against his lips before Sammy disappears to get the food. She finds herself looking up at the ceiling for a moment, listening with a smile to the small polite conversation Sammy was having with the delivery man. He was so nice. Too nice. How did someone so nice end up with her? "You're my knight with shining pizza." Kitty muses, sitting up and watching the world wobble for a second as she did. The food smelt amazing and God, she needed it so badly -- all her stomach could feel right now were the tequila shots she'd taken before deciding to come home. "Is pizza good for dogs?" She asks, opening up the box and pulling out a slice of pizza, glancing over at their puppy.

SAMMY

Sammy tilted his head to the side in thought about the pizza and looked over at the dog. “I think it might upset his tummy if we give him pizza.” Sammy said as he took a bite of the slice with a moan. He then put the slice down moving on to the container with the spaghetti and grabbed the plastic fork digging in.

KITTY

Kitty pouts and mouths to Dude that she's sorry. "We're bad dog parents... and not just because we called him dude." She slides down off the couch and onto the floor -- not entirely intentionally, but at least this way she was closer to the food. "Do you remember when we first got pizza? After you lured me into your apartment with the promise of a blanket fort." She laughs at the memory of the sad stack pile of pillows on the floor. "Also our first time." She leans her head back against the couch and looks to Sammy with a loving smile. "You have no idea how much I love you... also you have sauce on your face."

SAMMY

Sammy shook his head “Youre a better dog mom than me.” He pouted. “We should give dude a middle name.” He watches the girl slide down the couch on to the floor with a smile and nods. “It was the best I could do. I think it was pretty good.” He said confidently with a cheesy grin. Sammy leans down and kisses the girl and then rubs his face on hers, smearing the sauce on her face too. “I love you more. Now you have sauce on your face.”

KITTY

"Well obviously. You're a dog dad." She teases, raising an eyebrow at Sammy. "We should totally give him a middle name!" Kitty says probably over-enthusiastically. "It has to be something strong. Just incase he becomes doggy president or something and we need the other dogs to take him seriously." The girl was slightly over protective of Dude, but she really never imagined shed love a dog so damm much. "Oh my God." She laughs loudly, scrunching her nose and pulling on Sammy's shirt to pull him back down to her lips. "You're very annoying." She chuckles, leaning up to nibble on his lower lip lightly.

#para: sammy #para: like me better #sammy #//again i'm the worst and was meant to post this 5eva ago

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donnarider · 6 years

Text

!!DISCONTINUED!! Klance - soulmate au (part 4)

Author’s notes:

update 12th July 2019: This story is unfortunately discontinued. There will not be a next part. I’m really sorry.

Read part 1

Read part 2

Read part 3

“Bold” texts are from Keith, “italic” texts are from Lance

„Wow, that’s… rough?“

„Yes it is! I mean… I meant what I said. I just thought he would...”

“Say that he wants to be more than friends?”

“Yeah…” Lance put his head on the table they were studying at. The library was quiet and Lance had a hard time keeping his voice down while telling Hunk about his horrible not-date date.

“So how did the rest of the da…what happened after that?”

“Well, I was dying on the inside and pretended everything was fine on the outside. So, the usual.”

“Lance!”

Lance sighed and leaned back on his chair. The library’s ceiling suddenly seemed very fascinating to him. “We talked about stuff like favourite movies and such. I asked him about his bike. I had to leave for my seminar and he said he’d text me.”

“Well that doesn’t sound too bad,” Hunk decided and squeezed Lance’s shoulder supportively. “Maybe he just needs some time?”

“And what do I do if he doesn’t? I thought I’d be fine with being just friends but-,” he waved his hands around in a helpless motion. “I was basically doomed when he told me to be nice to my coffee in Spanish. I can’t just NOT crush on him now, you know. And that sucks… big time.”

Hunk smiled sympathetically at him and continued to flip through the book in front of him. “Just take it slow. Take a break for a few days and then invite him to do something and see what it feels like then. He’ll either change his mind or you could just bring me and Pidge along to make the friends thing easier. Maybe that’ll help?”

“Hmm. Yeah, maybe.”

Hunk closed his book and got up. “You up for visiting Pidge and Matt? I don’t think we’re gonna get anything done here right now. Also I think Matt finally got that video game you wanted to play so badly.”

“Nooo, Hunk. You wanted to study. I didn’t mean to distract you, I’m just gonna-“

“It’s fine, Lance. I can’t concentrate anyways. And you helped me so much with my last essay, I think I can go a day without studying.”

Lance smiled at him and got to his feet as well. “Okay. But I swear I’ll be back to normal tomorrow and then we’re gonna take a look at the stuff from Iverson’s physics lecture.” Hunk groaned loudly and made Lance laugh with his desperate expression. “I know, I know. But we both have to get better at that stuff.” He stood behind Hunk and made a gesture over his shoulder like he wanted to show Hunk a beautiful landscape.

“NASA, dude. NASA.”

“Ugh, you’re right. But Matt and Pidge now. My brain needs a break.”

Lance swung his backpack over his shoulder. “Maybe I get one of Pidge’s hugs. I love Pidge’s hugs.”

Hunk beside him nodded. “Everyone does, man. They’re the best.”

Wednesday

(3:15am): WTF DUDE? ???

(3:17am): I KNOW SORRY! Its our stupid neighbors having a party…

(3:18am): AT T HIS HOU R???

(3:18am): pls kill them for me

(3:20am): I would but prison isnt as appealing to me as you might think

(3:21am): So ur bad boy attitude knows boundaries? ;)

(3:22am): Dont mock me Im too tired for this

(3:24am): Yeh I can feel that

(3:24am): u really dont deal well without ur beauty sleep

(3:25am): Sorry :( And no, I really dont

(3:31am): KEEEEEEITHH do smth!!!!

(3:32am): I have a test tomorrow !!

(3:34am): OM G IT STOPPED

(3:35am): Keith?

(3:35am): did u kill them?

(3:36am): maybe

(3:36am): KE ITH!

(3:37am): I slipped an anonymous note under their door that I would kill their cat if they didnt turn off the music immediately…

(3:38am): O M G thats cruel

(3:38am): u dont threaten peoples pets

(3:38am): NOT COOL!

(3:39am): chill, I was joking. It said Id call the cops on them

(3:40am): Oh okay good hope ur not just saying that

(3:40am): Also thankk

(3:41am): no problem. Good night, Lance

(3:43am): Lance?

(7:36am): SORRY FELL ASLEEP!

(7:37am): Have fun at work today :)

Friday

(4:12pm): why

(4:25pm): what? u dont like it? ;)

(4:28pm): no

(4:29pm): oh come on! The queen is my best study motivation!

(4:30pm): please just stop

(4:32pm): KEITH! YOU INSULT BEYONCÉ YOU INSULT ME

(4:33pm): Can’t you study to something normal

(4:35pm): Normal normal or you normal?

(4:36pm): I dont care. Just no more beyoncé please. It’s been hours

(4:39pm): Lance?

(4:42pm): really?

(4:42pm): Evanescence? That’s mature…

(4:43pm): WAKE ME UP INSIDE

(4:43pm): WAKE ME UP INSIIIDE

(4:45pm): I hate you

(4:46pm): No u dont :)

(4:47pm): STOP THIS MADNESS!

(4:48pm): Hunk says if you come to a college thing with us tomorrow, he’ll stop me for you

(4:50pm): What kind of thing?

(4:51pm): dunno, Hunk wont say, but its really good apparently

(4:53pm): OKAY DEAL NOW PLEASE STOP

(4:54pm): Party-pooper

(4:56pm): Tell Hunk I love him

Keith got off his bike, took off his helmet and unzipped his leather jacket. He headed towards the university building with mixed feelings about what awaited him. He had fought with himself about coming today but eventually the curious side of him had won. Keith wanted to see what Hunk had planned for them and also even if it scared him to admit it…he missed Lance.

Logically he knew that it did not make any sense. They hardly knew each other. But emotionally he just… missed him. He sighed and blinked against the bright sunlight. He lifted his hand to shield his eyes against it and bumped into someone.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

“Don’t sweat it. All good here.” A friendly voice interrupted him. The tall boy in front of him looked him over and tilted his head to the side. „Hey, are you Keith by any chance?”

Keith nodded. “The one and only.”

“Oh, great! I’m Hunk.“ Keith took the big hand he was offered and returned the welcoming smile. When Hunk gestured for them to move out of the sun and stand in the tall building’s shadow Keith followed him thankfully.

“Nice to meet you. Thanks for saving me yesterday by the way.”

“Oh, no problem. Lance can get like that sometimes when he’s stressed. He didn’t mean anything by it. You know… finals and all. He’s a bit on edge around this time of the year.”

“No, I get it. NASA is a big thing, who wouldn’t freak out, right?”

Hunk gave a nervous laugh. “Yah, I guess. So umm, Lance had to pick up our friend Pidge, they should be here-“

“Exactly now.” Lance’s voice interrupted them. He stopped next to Hunk and let Pidge whom he had been carrying just now slip off his back.

“Hey, Keith. This is Pidge. They use they pronouns. I guess you already know Hunk by now.” Lance smiled at him and clapped Hunk on the back.

Keith nodded and raised his hand in greeting at Pidge. Immediately he regretted the awkward gesture and lowered his hand quickly.

“What’s up butter cup.” Pidge replied with a grin completely ignoring Keith’s weird behavior, who in return just raised an eyebrow at their choice of words.

“Lance, why did you carry Pidge here? Did you take ‘pick them up’ literally again?” Hunk asked with his hands on his hips.

“They paid me two dollars.”

Pidge shrugged. “I didn’t want to walk. It’s too early.”

“It’s almost noon, Pidge.” Hunk said while shaking his head but there was a visible smile on his lips.

“Exactly. Way too early.”

“I feel you, Pidge.” Keith threw in. “I had three coffees before I got here.”

Pidge yawned and stretched their arms over their head. “Good thinking. I only had one and I feel dead inside.”

“So, Hunk. What is this thing? Why are we here?” Lance asked and absently patted Pidge’s head while they leaned against him, eyes closed and repeatedly yawning.

“We are here, because today…” Hunk made a dramatic pause, “They are having a lecture about space for family and friends of students and-“

“AHHH STAR CEILING?” Lance interrupted Hunk excited while bouncing up and down, Hunk just smiled and nodded.

“Yep, Star ceiling.”

“What exactly is star ceiling?” Keith asked confused. Judging from Lance’s reaction this had to be the best thing in the entire universe.

“It’s only the best thing ever, dude,” Lance started to explain while taking Keith’s arm and pulling him in the direction of a big building.

“They only do this once or twice a year when they have family day for the freshmen and around finals for the really stressed out students so they don’t go all homicidal and stuff.” They entered the lecture hall and Lance directed them to a row in the back. “It’s basically just a short lecture about space and planets and what we do here at college but at the end they turn off the lights and project stars on the ceiling and walls. Dude…it’s the most beautiful thing ever. It will change you!” He gestured for Keith to sit down in one of the empty seats and sat next to him.

Hunk took the seat on Keith’s other side and Pidge sat next to Lance. It seemed like they were just in time because a man holding a mic entered the small stage. From the corner of his eyes Keith saw Pidge leaning over to Lance and whispering something into his ear. A moment later Lance bent forward so that Hunk and Keith could both hear him.

“Sorry guys, we’re gonna get Pidge more coffee. They are literally about to murder someone. We’ll be back in a minute.” With that they both left the room and Keith was alone with Hunk, which he didn’t mind that much. They had only exchanged a few sentences but Keith already liked the guy.

The man on the stage started talking about the importance of astronomy and explained the different subjects they were teaching. Unfortunately he had a really boring and monotone voice and Keith immediately zoned out. Thank God Hunk was there to keep him entertained.

“I know this stuff isn’t really interesting, especially not when he’s talking,” Hunk pointed in the direction of the stage. “But it’s really worth it. Lance didn’t exaggerate…well maybe a little… but it actually is crazy beautiful.”

“So you three all study astronomy?” Keith asked. This was his opportunity to learn a bit more about Lance and his friends without this nervous feeling he got around his soulmate. Hunk somehow managed to create an atmosphere around him that immediately made Keith feel comfortable.

“Yeah. It was actually Lance who got me into this stuff when we were younger. We met Pidge here on our first day. They are this crazy genius and got into college early. They are only sixteen but way ahead of most of the students here. Turned out they and their brother Matt live in the same building as me and Lance so we hung with them a couple of times and now we’re all basically besties for life.”

“Space nerds unite,” Keith said with a smile.

“Haha, yeah. Basically.”

“So… do you and Pidge wanna get into NASA too or is that only Lance?” Keith checked the stage for a second but the guy was still talking about boring stuff and Keith noticed that a few other people in the audience had started quiet conversations.

“Well Pidge is as good as in, let’s be real. Me… well. Of course NASA is the dream for almost everyone at this university and I would be thrilled… but I’m not as set as Lance if that makes sense. I feel like I could work anywhere as long as I’m close to my friends.” Hunk shrugged and knitted his brows in deep thought before he cleared his throat.

“Lance is working really hard for it though. You have no idea how many scholarships he had to apply for before he finally got a foot in. Didn’t stop him though.” He smiled and Keith could feel how proud he was of his friend. “You know, the first year was rough. He failed an important test two times and was sure they were gonna kick his ass but he studied harder than all of us and now he’s always in the top 5.”

“Wow. That’s really impressive,” Keith heard himself say and immediately wanted to slap himself. Way to sound like a high school fangirl, Kogane. Can we please think before we speak, brain?!

“Yeah it is.” Hunk sighed, unfazed by Keith’s inner distress. “It’s also really hard to watch sometimes though…”

Keith raised an eyebrow at him.

“Not the part where he’s top of the class, no. I mean how he gets there. You can’t imagine how many all-nighters the boy pulls during finals and he always pushes himself to get better. I mean it’s great that he’s improving but sometimes I wish he would allow himself a break.” He stiffened and gave a quick laugh. “I’m talking too much again, aren’t I. Sorry, this must be a weird first impression.”

Keith didn’t say anything for a while and chewed on his lower lip. “Is it really that bad? I mean… I haven’t noticed anything and finals are just around the corner right?” He thought back to the few times he’d seen Lance. He had always looked cheery and well… relaxed.

Hunk seemed to be pondering over his answer for a while. That’s when they heard the door behind them open slowly and Lance and Pidge slipped back into the room, Pidge holding a coffee cup in each hand. Hunk leaned over a bit and whispered just before the other two sat down. “Look at his eyes, he thinks we don’t notice…”

Keith had no idea what he meant by that and was staring at a spot on the floor absently when Lance waved his hand in front of his face to get him out of his trance. “Keith, buddy, my man. They’re about to start, don’t pass out on me now!”

Keith blushed a little and sat up straighter. “Yeah, sorry. Not passing out. Now, let’s see your space magic thing. Hope it’s as good as you made it sound.”

The boy next to him grinned from ear to ear. “Better.”

The crowd around them applauded loudly. Apparently the speech part was over and somebody dimmed the lights, making everyone go silent. It was now completely dark in the hall. Keith could feel his palms getting sweaty. Why was this taking so long? He swallowed hard.

He whispered, almost inaudible “Lance?” but in this exact moment they turned on the projectors and surprised ahhhhs and ohhhs could be heard through the entire room.

Keith threw his head back so quickly he almost hit it on his seat’s backrest.

Lance’s words hadn’t prepared him for what he was seeing now at all. It was truly just… beautiful. Thousands of little stars were dancing on the ceiling and the floor and just everywhere. He knew he was sitting in a boring lecture hall and he felt incredibly stupid for even thinking so but for a moment he really felt like he was in space. His heartbeat sped up and his eyes wander around the entire room so quickly he was almost getting sick.

Keith was trying to take it all in before it stopped. The stars danced around his fingertips as he raised his hand in front of his face and watched. He wasn’t even questioning how the whole thing worked it was just too… too everything. In a good way.

“Sooo, did I promise too much?” Lance suddenly whispered next to his ear.

Keith just shook his head and then turned it to smile at him. “No, you didn’t. This is great! Thanks for inviting me to this.” Lance smiled at him and then quickly turned his head to the ceiling again. Neither of them mentioned that it had actually been Hunk who invited Keith.

Keith was still staring at Lance’s face from the corner of his eyes, watching the stars being projected onto his skin and their reflections in his eyes. He looked so beautiful like this, it made Keith’s head spin. He wanted to say something, to tell Lance how pretty he was but he bit his tongue instead. Just friends he reminded himself.

That’s when he remembered Hunk’s words from earlier and looked at Lance’s eyes more closely. What was he supposed to see? The long eyelashes? The small freckles underneath them? The well blended but thick layer of… concealer? Something clicked in his brain. Hunk had mentioned that Lance wasn’t sleeping enough and pushing too hard. Of course he and many others were unable to tell if they didn’t know what to look for. Lance had covered up his dark circles almost perfectly. Almost… Keith turned his gaze to the ceiling again and frowned. Why was he pretending to be fine? It was normal to be tired around finals wasn’t it? Why was he trying to hide it?

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m afraid we have to end this now since our time is up,” a voice sounded from the front of the room. “Thank you all for coming and enjoy the rest of your day on campus.” They turned off the projectors and disappointment could be heard all around. Some classical song started to play and people started to shift but the lights were still out. Keith dug his nails into his palm and tried to breathe evenly. It’s fine, he tried to tell himself. They’re gonna turn them back on every second. Only they didn’t.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it appears we’re having some trouble back here. We’re sure everything will be fixed soon,” the voice echoed again. “Always a bit hard to find the light switch in the dark.” The voice said and gave a fake laugh. Some parents laughed as well. Keith didn’t. He gulped and pressed deeper into his seat.

He could feel Lance stir in the dark next to him and a hand touching his shoulder. “Keith? Are you okay?” Before Keith could even think of something to respond with the lights were finally turned back on. Keith let out a very deep breath he hadn’t noticed he was holding until now. He quickly unclenched his hands and turned his head to give Lance a small smile.

“All good, yes. I’m a bit sad it was over so quickly though.”

Lance looked at him questioningly for a second longer before he returned the smile. “Right? I wish they would do this more often!”

The group got up and headed out before the mass of people in the hall could block the aisles. The bright sunlight blinded Keith for a moment when they walked outside and he held up his helmet to shield his eyes. Someone walked into him from behind and he quickly turned around to apologize for stopping in the doorway but it was Lance he was looking at. An elderly woman complained about them being in her way and they stepped aside and walked a few feet to get away from the mass.

“Sorry for bumping into you,” Lance started, “It’s just,” he pointed at the helmet in Keith’s hand. “I didn’t notice before because I was so excited about the star thing but… did you bring your bike?” Hunk listened to their conversation and laughed looking at Lance now. Keith didn’t exactly understand what he thought was so funny and turned to Pidge for help but they were just quietly smiling at the whole scene.

“Ummm, yes? It’s how I got here. I don’t have a car, soo…” Keith shrugged a little lost.

“Awesome! I mean great. I mean...,” Lance scratched his head. “Can I see it?”

“Uhh, sure. I parked right over there.” Keith pointed over his shoulder. Lance didn’t even wait for the others. He was already on his way to the parking lot, almost running. When the others caught up with him he was inspecting Keith’s bike and admiring the details of the machine by almost touching it with his nose.

Hunk and Pidge seemed kind of impressed too and Hunk slapped Keith’s shoulder. “Sweet ride, Keith!” He joined Lance in walking around the bike to get a better look. “Lance mentioned you work at a workshop. Did you build this yourself?”

Keith nodded and then realised that Hunk wasn’t looking at him so he couldn’t see. “Yah, I did. It was the first project I did without Shiro’s help. Took me a while to find all the parts. I could get a better bike if I wanted but I’m kind of sentimental I guess.”

Lance nodded. “No I get it. It’s a bit like it’s your child, right? I mean… you made her.”

Keith smiled. “Yeah. I guess.”

Pidge gave a fake cough to get everyone’s attention and pointed at the bike. “If you’re finished drooling over that can we go get some food please?”

“That?” Keith repeated in a fake hurt tone.

“They’re secretly loving this more than Lance and me. You should see the stuff they build. We should visit you at your shop and just leave Pidge there for a few hours. They’d have the time of their life.” Hunk chuckled at the expression on Pidge’s face after his revelation.

“Speaking of food though,” Lance looked at Keith and tilted his head, “We thought about grabbing a bite at Planet Altea. You in?”

Keith considered for a moment. He could spend some more time with them and get to know them better. He probably should. Shiro would tell him to… but he also really wanted to go home. The light incident had seriously freaked him out even if he didn’t want to show it. He’d rather calm down at home, alone, where he could stop pretending and no one would see what a mess he really was after such a small thing.

“Sorry, I need to leave. Shiro wants to visit an old friend of his and he’s dragging me along.” Lie. Shiro never dragged him anywhere Keith didn’t want to go. Apart of from that Shiro wasn’t even home right now.

Lance chewed his lower lip. “Ohh. Okay. We’ll text then?” The disappointed look on his face made Keith feel bad instantly.

“Yes definitely. It was really great. Thank you all for taking me.” Let me leave let me go.

Pidge and Hunk said goodbye and they watched Keith take off quickly. Lance waved one last time before he was out of sight, but Keith didn’t turn around to see it.

Usually driving calmed him down but he felt himself get more anxious with every mile. He was glad he could finally take off the helmet when he arrived at his and Shiro’s place because he could breathe more freely instantly. He put the bike in the garage, unlocked the front door and took the elevator up to their floor. After hastily unlocking the front door and locking it after himself again, he immediately kicked off his boots and headed for his bedroom.

He’d learned a few breathing techniques during his never ending counseling sessions and was really glad about that right now. After some minutes of leaning against his door he got his breathing under control. His thoughts however where still spinning, so he put his favourite playlist on shuffle and flopped down on his bed.

After a couple of songs Keith took out his phone to ask Shiro when he would be home and noticed he had gotten a few messages.

(2:17pm): Hey, u ok?

(2:18pm): Getting kind of an anxious vibe over here?!

(2:20): Also thats an awful lot of emo music for someone who insists hes not emo ;)

Shit. Sometimes he forgot the soulmate connection was a thing.

(2:33pm): Sorry! Yes I’m good

There was an immediate response.

(2:33pm): U sure? Doesnt feel like it

(2:35pm): Idk

(2:36pm): Maybe not

(2:36pm): do you wanna talk? I can call u

Keith’s whole body tensed. Was he ready for that? Should he lie, maybe say he was tired and wanted to nap or something? Should he tell the truth? He frowned.

(2:37pm): I’m not… good at phone calls

(2:37pm): Np u can just listen and I’ll do the talkin

(2:39pm): that’d be ok?

Keith swallowed. Shiro probably wouldn’t be home for a while and he really needed to talk to someone. The question was if Lance was safe to talk to? Would it overstep the friendship line? Why could things never be easy…

(2:42pm): yes, ok

[Incoming call: Lance McClain]

More author’s notes:

This fic on AO3

Yeah after 500 years I finally updated. I could explain at length why it took my so long but it comes down to this: I was stressed, I was depressed, I’m sorry but now it’s finally here! Hooray!

As always a big THANK YOU to @alteanmoonchild for being my beta and for reading every new draft and honestly telling me when what I wrote isn’t good so I can improve and grow. I love us working together on this <3

Thank you to all of you for reading! If you have any questions or feedback send me an ask or dm me <3

Me an my friends finally cosplayed Voltron so if you wanna see me as Shiro and my awesome friends as Keith, Lance and Coran head over to my instagram.

Do you know what keeps me motivated when I so often doubt my writing and don’t know how to continue? Getting feedback! So please reblog, like, comment or even draw fanart. Whenever I read an “I love this” comment it makes me incredible happy! Also one of my goals is to someday have someone draw fanart for something wrote soo... if you wanna do that I’ll love you. Also please tag me if you do.

If you want me to tag you in the next part when I post it, just send me an ask saying so and I’ll add you to the taglist.

taglist: @alyy--caticus @princealektheorange @an-important-nobody @teddyorionpotter @spookyscaryshitstorm @ladythugs @positevelybakerstreet @meganmoo02 @atomicengineerdetective @jishwadun-is-jishwafun @anemoee

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gendice · 6 years

Note

(1) oh honey I feel your struggle. I'm a writer in this fandom too and like... I KNOW my stuff is good. I know it. And I have spent MONTHS on fics before only to post them to a lukewarm reception. It sucks because there are so many factors. So many! Posting time vs timezones, how many followers you have, the off chance of a popular blog reblogging it.. etc. And the most frustrating thing is sometimes I'll get a good reception on one website but NONE on another site, for the exact same fic!

The unfortunate thing is that’s just kinda .. how it is. It blows dude like fandom artists don’t really have to face that? The barrier to entry for them is so much lower I think. I’ve been writing for a very long time and I’ve sort of come to terms now with the fact that sometimes a story is just only going to get so many likes/comments/etc. Even when I think it deserves more or even when I feel like I haven’t gotten back nearly as much as I poured into it in the end I just try to remember that I’m writing for me more than anyone else. Everything I write makes me a better writer, so even if I post a fic and it only gets half the notes I’d hoped for, I’m still glad to have written it and put it out there. I’m still glad for the people who did read it and love it. I’m not trying to be preachy or anything, its just hard watching you struggle over something I’ve also struggled with for so very very long :/

Even established writers struggle with this! Like, I have a fic on ao3 that’s got 1000+ kudos and yet the Tumblr post for it slipped completely under the radar with few notes. You just can’t predict the whims of the internet sometimes. The only thing you can do when you’re sad about the reception of a story is to keep writing. The more you write the bigger you audience grows!! It’s the only constant that’s stayed with me from fandom to fandom. If you just keep writing, the readers will come.

sorry for the wall of text!! I really thought your story was lovely, and had a unique style to it. I hope you keep on writing no matter what, from one writer to another. Don’t be discouraged :)

hhhh h h ok i don’t want to discredit artists bc i know they spend a lot of time and effort on their works too but i think it’s easier for them to get notes/reception bc their works are visual and people can see what it is at a glance and decide whether they like it or not instead of having to spend actual time reading a bunch of words lol

but anyway you’re right and logically i DO know there are plenty of factors to how well a fic will be received but also i can’t help but worry that it’s my fault that they’re doing so poorly?? i worry that the content that im putting out isn’t what people want to see which is the reason why my fics do so badly and, idk, i want to know what im doing wrong and what i can do to make it better but i just can’t? im not trying to say that my fics are better than those that get more hits/kudos but i can’t help it when i look at some more popular fics and i try to study them but i dont get what people like about them so much?? sorry this just makes me sound like a jackass but it’s probably just personal preference and mine being so different from the majority of the fandom’s which is also why i can’t write stuff that people like

god i know everyone says that you should write for yourself and part of me does which is why i stick so closely to the style that i do but also it’s just,, numbers in the form of hits/kudos/notes serve as affirmation that my stuff is good, and it’s the only thing my flimsy-ass self esteem can rely on because i absolute hate hate h a t e the stuff that i make sometimes and i doubt myself so much all the time so when i see that a fic does well, it tells me that hey this isnt so bad, but when i see a fic flop it’s like, confirmation that my stuff stinks big time which is. its a sucky feeling. i know it’s not good to have that kind of mentality but it’s just the way that i am??? lets be real here like i can say in confidence that im a thirsty bitch and i do want people to read and like and kudos my stuff and my self esteem gets kicked repeatedly every time my fics flop so. h yea h

honestly if it werent for my followers on here (sorry 2 everyone) and me shoving my fics in their faces i probably wont even get more than 100 hits on my fics lol and i feel kind of bad bc a part of me wants to deserve the hits and kudos that i get instead of having them just bc i kept yelling at my followers about my fics (i kind of feel like those people who would hold up the news and yell hear ye in medieval times or whatever) but. idk im conflicted cos i know this is one kind-of efficient way to get people to notice my fics. but part of me feels Bad when i do so too but idk. its also bc of this that i refuse to tag people or ask them directly to rb my fic posts bc i’d feel really guilty and ashamed and i don’t want to use people in that way?? and i’m not close friends with a lot of people on here either especially popular content creators so honestly i don’t think a lot of writers/blogs with large followings would rb my fic posts either so basically im just fucking myself over lol

god sorry im ranting and i know i don’t technically have a right to bitch so much since as i’ve said before 1) my stuff isn’t as good as some other people who i know face this same problem and honestly deserve so much more attention for their works and 2) i havent even been writing for that long so i really am not allowed to complain but hh h h idk i just get super frustrated over this i cant help it

#anon #answers #sorry i am RANTING again #i know i should change my mindset but this isnt just my mindset for writing.#its a regular mindset thats been with me since i first created content for anything and its just that now its been carried over to writing #i want to change but i literally dont have confidence in anything that i do #anyway thank you so much for your kind words regardless and i really appreciate you sending this and trying to help <3

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did-you-even-make-a-sound · 7 years

Note

Can you write the Connor x Internet friend! Reader as a fanfic. I would love it if you did.

Message Me || Connor Murphy x Reader (PART 1 OF 5)

requested : yep prompt: n/a pairing : connor murphy x reader warnings : suicide plan mention additional notes : reader is female, based off of a Connor X Internet friend reader headcanon by @watch-the-whole-world-disappear, they meet on tumblr, connor runs an Edgy™ Aesthetic Blog, WHICH I RUN BTW, NOT THAT THERES ANYTHING ON IT YET BUT YEAH FOLLOW ME AT @connor-fvckng-mvrphy lmao it’s a Connor roleplay blog

Bored. Bored. Bored.

Bored is such a boring word. In this moment, you’ve never heard a word that describes you so much.

You scroll listlessly through your tumblr, liking random images and quotes from this one aesthetic blog that you follow. Your eyes wander, not that you’re finding anything interesting, until you come across an interesting poem.

dark-aesthetic🔃connor-fvckng-mvrphy

I have to get this off my chest before I straighten every crooked object offensive clutter distraction OCD nervous as fuck I’ll pull out every hair or tear my fingers off If I don’t figure out how to look in your eyes without screaming

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I can’t remember anything before you I can’t imagine anything without you I want to live the rest of my life with you

But only if you think I’m cool We should just kill ourselves

‘Interesting,' You think, 'Edgy, but very interesting.’

This guy (girl? other?) seems interesting. Relatable. You click on their name, intrigued.

At one click, you fall in love with the account. You follow on first sight.

According to his bio, his name is Connor and he’s seventeen. His posts consist of black-and-white photos of chipped nail-polish, of pale wrists with even paler scars zigzagged across the stick-thin appendage. Quotes by Poe, little poems like the first one you read.

He’s tortured, you know. But you can’t bring yourself to message him, like the little stalker you are.

Hours of pouring over his account turn into days, days into weeks, until finally you have been an avid fan of his for a month.

And then it all comes crashing down.

One day, you refresh your page, bored, and there’s a new post from him. Literally must have been posted not even a minute ago.

connor-fvcking-mvrphy

this is not going to be a great week or year or life or anything inbetween i thought for a millisecond that i had found a friend a kindred spirit but you fucking tore it up

fuck you, E.H. your friend too go ahead and laugh laugh all you want but will you be laughing when the school shooter is dead?

goodbye

You’re worried.

This poem…was not like the others.

This was angry. This was raw. This was…this was real.

You bite your lip. Your eyes flick down to the tags.

#suicide plan #goodbye

Shit. Your eyes widen and you click on your inbox, typing in a message frantically

you hi I know you don’t know me but I just saw the tags on your newest poem and im freaking out please please don’t kill yourself I’m sorry it’s just your poems are really relatable and help me a lot and i feel like I’ve gotten to know you through them and oh my god you probably think I’m so creepy I’m so sorry

You wait, terrified, for a response.

One minute.

Two minutes.

Three,

four,

five.

There is no answer, and you bury your head in your pillow and try not to cry. You can’t help it, your shoulders shake with wracking sobs. You probably failed at saving this guy, you failed so bad. You suck, oh god, you suck.

After another five minutes of sobbing, you hear a loud ding from your phone, and you blearily stare at the screen through unshed tears.

connor-fvckng-mvrphy im flattered I didn’t realise that somebody actually read my poems or my tags or cared or…

You gasp in relief, fingers tap-tap-tapping out a reply.

you OH thank god I thought that you had… Are you okay?? thats a stupid question omg I'm sorry

connor-fvckng-mvrphy im fine actually…i feel much better. thanks for, you know. caring.

you Anytime! I’m [y/n] btw

connor-fvckng-mvrphy connor

you i know thats creepy oh my god;sorry

connor-fvckng-mvrphy it’s fine ig I mean it is in my bio so??? its chill

you :)

connor-fvckng-mvrphy so this might sound weird but ???? you’re…pretty cool. i just looked over your account and wanted to know well you know want to talk more???

you wow im??? Really???

connor-fvckng-mvrphy yeah i mean you helped me there,,,like a lot,,,

you id love to !!!!

You talked almost every day. When you got down to it…he was a sweetheart. He was kind. He got you.

connor-fvckng-mvrphy do you think, like… well ever get to meet each other?? imean you’re a really great friend now and??? id like to meet you.

you i wish but we live like eight hours away from each other…

connor-fvckng-mvrphy ill drive to you!

you calm down, connor…lmao we don’t want you burning out on the way

connor-fvckng-mvrphy :( I don’t even know what you look like…

you i don’t know what you look like either! XD

connor-fvckng-mvrphy shit well if I send you a picture of me will you do the same?

you sure ig

connor-fvckng-mvrphyme.jpg my sister took the photo so,,,

you WHOA YOU’RE SO PRETTY WTF I THINK IM IN LOVE

connor-fvckng-mvrphy id prefer handsome but I’ll take it your turn, missy.

you hnnghhh okaybewarnedIlooklikeapotato.jpg

connor-fvckng-mvrphy … holy shit

you bad???

connor-fvckng-mvrphy YOU’RE SO FUCKING CUTE??? WHAT THE FUCK THAT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL IM-

you no no no I am definitely not wtf you need your eyes checked?

connor-fvckng-mvrphy no way you’re fucking adorable i think /I’m/ in love you cute lil motherfucker

connor-fvckng-mvrphy we should swap phone numbers

you and skype??

connor-fvckng-mvrphy fuck yeah

you oKay !!! im [skype/name] and my number is [number]

connor-fvckng-mvrphy my Skype is the same as my tumblr and my phone number is XXXX XXXXXX

you saved and I just texted you too :)

connor-fvckng-mvrphy 'hi Connor!!!!’ with a bunch of happy emojis? dude you’re just,,, thats really fucking cute

you wh y???? do you keep calling me cute I’m???

connor-fvckng-mvrphy because, as it turns out, i have a really cute best friend

you best friend?? awww connor!!!

connor-fvckng-mvrphy yeah yeah you’re literally all I have, [y/n]

you you’re my best friend too!! i really wish i could meet you…

connor-fvckng-mvrphy me too…hold on a sec

you connor??? you okay???

connor-fvckng-mvrphy my sister just walked in and was being a dick, being nosy about who I’m talking to and not believing that it was a friend. She thinks I’m talking to my dealer. i fucking hate her sometimes

you do you?

connor-fvckng-mvrphy …no but she thinks I do. It’s easier to let her.

you *internet hug*

connor-fvckng-mvrphy Fuck…that’s cute.

As time went on, you found yourself more and more drawn to Connor. His photos could always make you smile, and nothing brightened up a shitty day more than clicking on his Skype name and watching him answer a video call, smiling dopily at the camera.

And also as time went on…you slowly began to realise why.

You were in love with him.

Fuck, you were in love with a guy eight hours away. A guy that you had never met in real life. What do you do?

…You continue pining for him over a distance, of course.

You watch yourself in the screen, waiting for Connor to pick up the Skype call. Soon enough, he does, and his grinning face fills the screen.

“Hey, [y/n].” He greets sleepily - it’s like, midnight over there - and rests his chin on his hands.

“Heya.” You wave at the camera, grinning sheepishly and a little shyly. The thrill of actually seeing him rather than just a message still gets you.

“It’s almost Valentine’s Day, huh?”

“Yep! Any special girl that you had in mind?” You ask, a hopeful smile plastered on your face.

“No, well…actually…” He furrows his brow, and your heart drops.

“Is she pretty?” You ask, concealing your jealousy. You could be there for him.

“She’s cute. Like, really fucking cute.” Connor says, watching you carefully.

Truth be told, Connor felt the same way. He was absolutely crazy about you, but he didn’t want to ruin this adorably heartwarming friendship you had.

To wake up and have no more *internet hug* messages or cute little reminders…it’d ruin his life. You were absolutely the only thing keeping him going.

You talked for ages, until it was about 2:30 on his end. Before long, he was getting tired.

“I should go soon.” He says drowsily.

“Mmmm.” You don’t want him to go. “Night, Con.”

“G'night.” He yawns. “Love you.”

You freeze. He freezes and hurriedly leaves the video chat.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Connor slams his head on his desk, pissed off. “I fucked up. I fucked up.” He mumbles.

A small chime comes from his computer and he bites his lip, glancing reluctantly at the screen.

you i love you too!!!!

#dear evan hansen x reader #connor murphy imagine #connor murphy x reader #connor murphy headcanon #mike faist x reader

420 notes · View notes

survivor-iceland · 4 years

Text

Ep. 2 - “I will not be a little tea pot this time” - Ellie

dylan r

OKAY! New game! I’m excited to start! I’m just kinda trying my best to socialize, I’m horrible at talking to other people, my plan early is usually to just win tribals and form small connections with people

Although I flopped SO HARD during that challenge it’s unbelievable I literally tried that for hours & I couldn’t do it like literally

Not much else, I’m just kinda vibing.

Jack

So Ellie totally spilled that she's gonna send stuff to our tribe so i'm telling my tribe that. I think raffy is gonna do the same. Also im thinking everyone on one so that we mess with them.

Jack

My audio is going crazy and cutting out and im like AM I BEING SPOKEN TO????!?!?

Jack

I'm chatting with maynor and stephen and thats going good. but also Raffy is cool but imma try to put some false ideas about the cookie game on him

Raffy

There was one hinky vote for me which tells me that people think I am push-y and a leader on this tribe which is not ok. I mean I want to win challenges, but I don't want to be seen as aggressive. However, I guess I cannot help it. I need to get into an alliance soon. Otherwise, I'll find myself not within a majority. I guess my social game isn't strong enough so I need to rely on my strategic game.

Keith John

Well, its been about three days since the game began, It's going okay for me. We won Immunity so game talk has been on the low. The time difference really screwed me over, I wasn't part of the latest immunity challenge discussion. Even though I wouldn't have contributed much in that convo, Having no input or talk during such moments puts me on the back foot (socially). The saving grace is that I was able to connect to four others through one on one convos. That has helped me built a sort of majority alliance, But as a thumb rule of survivor, unless we don't through a vote together. U cant trust anyone. Hopefully, it sticks and I am able to get through the first few votes. I don't know why but I keep getting a feeling that maybe John and Cormac are telling me what I wanna hear and make me feel comfortable. I hope that isn't true and the alliance is genuine. Cause I feel I really get along with them and can really work with them for a long time. I think both of them are awesome. The only other person I trust is Zoe, we just connected quick. Sierra though in my alliance I haven't yet had a strong one on one conversation with her. let's see what's in store in the coming days

Jack

Were planning to fuck with the other tribe by sending a spy to seed some accidental plan spillage. John’s a smart cookie. MaynorJay. I am slightly sad you split me and Timmy up. The cast reveal and seeing Timmy in that tribe i was like :0. But you did make it one world so i could still talk game with him 😊. Plus i missed being hosted by you. ❤️

John

this plan i concocted could either be really good or really bad. all we gotta do is throw the other side off their scent. but can we do it and make it believable? i guess we will find out tonight.

Ellie

Cookies is chaotic: more detail coming later

Jack

I took a risk for the idol hunt that might cost me my vote at the next tribal. I'm both regretting this decision and thinking it'll probably maybe be worth it...?

John

ok my plan dissolved like an alka seltzer. that’s fun. we love that. i just hope we win at this point. if we lose, that’s going to make things quite interesting.

Ellie

K so lack of communication has officially reached another level, this would be easier if people spoke???? Even Joseph did and he had finals!!!!! Some people have time to try to get on my good side and strategize but not to fucking talk about the challenge???? Some of yall👀👀

Sierra

Sitting out of this challenge was agonizing! I couldn’t be a part of any of the strategy talk for the challenge itself... so I had little to no clue what to expect as I watched. I really don’t want to go to Tribal Council, either. I’m hoping that we can pull out a win and I won’t have to stir the pot and potentially show my cards alliance-wise this early in the game.

Dylan C

I haven't been talking to people enough today and should probably do some of that. Well, I certainly will if we go to tribal but I'm hoping we don't

Jack

Cromac and I chatted for a bit and agreed on a sort of alliance, so that's a thing. Other than that I have fingers crossed for us winning this challenge!

Sierra

So we lost immunity, and I’m PISSED. We fully expected Keith to get 60 cookies from our tribe alone, but he only ended up with 55. That means that somebody on our tribe did not play into the tribe’s strategy. Now my butt could be on the line and I didn’t even have a chance to play in the immunity challenge! I feel relatively safe with my alliance, but anything could happen between now and tribal. Here’s hoping my five stick together!

Timmy

We won!! There was strategy used on the tribe but also people just tried to take control of what everyone else was doing. Like if they try to do that for the challenge they’ll try to do that for votes and that’s not how I’m trying to roll. It kind of sucks that the people I want to work with are on the other tribe. I want to message jack bc they seem chill based on the call last night after tribal. Also there is no way I’ll get an idol bc these slide puzzles are ridiculous.

Sierra

Right now it looks like the votes will be heading towards Stephen. I really like him and think he could be a good ally... but the numbers are against him right now, and that makes it difficult to save him. I don’t want to sink my game attempting to save his... so it looks like Stephen will be the first one voted off of our tribe. I’ll really miss having another literature lover on the tribe, and I’ll miss having some intercontinental diversity, but I’d rather save my own neck right now.

Maynor

So I am now in an alliance with Cormac, Zoe, Sierra, and John. And it is called Maynor’s lovers for some reason. But it now got changed to Maynor’s Angels. 👀 jay came to my host chat and was like ___ is shook. And i died as well. So far the target seems like it might be Stephen that was brought up by John. But we still have until tomorrow so who knows. As long as im safe that is all that matters.

John

hi. i’m john, i’m 20 years old, and i’m absolutely worried stephen has an idol. he just...doesn’t connect. and it puts me on edge. so i want the vote to be somewhat split. we need to put the majority of them on stephen, but have one or two of us worms put down someone else’s name just in case stephen pulls out an idol. no matter what, us 4 (me, cormac, sierra, and zoe) need to get through this vote so we have the majority.

Jack

WOW. Okay so Cormac and I a pretty tight rn. Plan is to vote either Maynor or Stephen. Cormac is closer with Zoe, who i haven'y heard from much. Sierra and I have had some banter with Sierra and opened up private channels with them. Imma check that they're good with Stephen or Maynor, and which they'd prefer.

Jack

Sierra seems to want to keep Maynor around more than Stephen while I'm feeling the other way. I'm down with either so hopefully things work out.

Dylan C

https://cnet2.cbsistatic.com/img/tcQaSg5LL_0-HBuWFPxpguK71TM=/1092x0/2019/06/06/b11ccfac-685e-4cb2-a239-b09af07b1baf/toriflynn2.jpg

Jack

IDOLS EXSIST. And hopefully Stephen and maynor dont have any

Jack

I MADE A DUMB CRAZY PLAN. Like I said to the others it basically, we make a chat with Stephen, tell him heyyyyy lets vote Maynor, then go and actually vote Stephen. I feel a little bit evil but also i totally get the reason blindsides are so popular. I FEEL LIKE A SPY!

Dylan C

I love you, Jay

Jack

The trap has been set, hopefully Stephen falls for the it and nothing goes to shit. And also that Cormac's not pulling a con on me. I doubt he is but pArAnOiA.

Jack

STEPHEN RESPONDED AND HE SEEMS DOWN WITH VOTING MAYNOR AND BELIEVES CORMAC AND ME AND I CHATTED WITH JOHN AND HES DOWN WITH VOTING STEPHEN BUT O MY GOD IM SO NERVOUS. sorry bout the caps lock, I feel like it was needed to covey my FEELiNGS

Jack

All the gears are locked in. Everyone's voting Stephen; Stephen seems to be on board with voting Maynor; Maynor will hopefully stick with going for Stephen; and Keith will maybe hopefully I hope go with what me and Cormac are going for.

That started off so confident and turned into "Hm maybe I'm not sure I hope"

John

ok so here’s the tea sisters. our original target was stephen. he’s more reserved, kinda quiet, but he’s going after less active players (ironic, right), and apparently he is targeting keith. so if an idol is played, it might be him. so the worms are talking to jack and trying to get him to come on board for our plan. jack goes into complete paranoia mode between all of us, and we’re concerned he’s a flight risk. so the vote is shifting to jack. being erratic is more dangerous in this game than silence is.

John

lmao if this blindside on jack completely backfires and i go to EOE, i’d actually scream over how much work is going into it. this is so messy and complex for literally day 4 of this game that it perplexes me. it’s either gonna be 4/3/1 or 5/2/1, i’m not sure yet. but strap in folks, we’re experiencing turbulence. the plane may be going down.

Jack

Other than Keith everyone's locked in to vote for Stephen, even Maynor. Me and Stephen chatted and he complimented me saying that i don't seem like a new player cause I'm so comfortable in chat and I'm here like "hahahah yeah so weird not like in acting all calm and collected at you so you don't know I'm voting for you." I do feel a bit bad voting out Stephen now that I've got a better vibe on him, and I've been leaving little hints of "sorry for voting you out" and "hope you come back from the edge" at him, but doing them as me saying "Oh I feel so bad for voting out Maynor" so that I don't blow my cover but yeah. Here's all my guilt dude ^

Joseph Collins

We got an immunity win which was nice. Apparently Malarkey (Melrakki) played with some type of strategy. And Ulfur went coocoo for coco puffs and won. So I’m happy about that. Putting a plan in motion to get some threats out soon. Need a really good numbers advantage first.

Zoe

GOD okay wow this is so much. We lost the immunity challenge, which is funny because I said that I was pretty confident we were going to win. I'm not concerned about being sent home, I'm almost positive Cormac would tell me if he knew, and I have good relationships with people in my tribe. And very good news: Well, after literally teaching myself how to do a slide puzzle, wrestling with the god-host herself over reference images and website dysfunctionality, I finally reached the end of the idol hunt and located a very beautiful advantage, which is to call a blind vote and then see what people vote even though nobody else can. I read it a few times and then facetimed with Cormac to tell him the good news, and we agreed we would keep it until swap or merge and use it to see where peoples' loyalties lie. We discussed all of our options, our relationships with different people, and who we want to keep close until later. I have a good relationship with Timmy and Maynor, and I think Dylan C as well, so that will come in handy when we swap and after the merge. We also solidified an alliance with us and Keith. FUCKING MEANWHILE, over in tribe Machievelli, the "oh, worm?" alliance has gone absolutely nuts strategizing over this vote. Jack has made everyone very paranoid by asking every person in the tribe who they were voting for. He had never messaged me individually before, and then just popped up and said he wanted to make sure I was voting for Stephen, which is who "oh, worm?" was originally going to vote for. I think it was Cormac who brought it up because Jack keeps info-dumping all of his thoughts onto him, but we all agreed to vote for Jack. Cormac and I discussed how to tell each person, one of those resulting in a final three deal with Keith, entitled "Zoe and the boys" as well as a yet to be titled final four alliance with me, Cormac, John, and Keith, yet to be named, that neither John nor Keith know about. Ultimately we said that we'd check back in in the morning and determine if anything had blown up overnight with Jack, since he seems to be very paranoid.

Jack

MWAHAHAAHHA Stephen believes out plan to vote maynoris genuine but it is a TRICK. Hope he doesn't hate me tho, seems like a nice guy. Those read receipts are just real sus being off man. but he tots believes me, Cormac, and Sierra.

Zoe

It's been more of a quiet morning, though we are all tense about what is going to happen at tribal. We don't think there is anything crazy happening with Jack, and ultimately we aren't telling Stephen about the plan in case he ends up telling a person he isn't supposed to. It should turn out to be a 6-1-1 vote, hopefully none of those going to me. I want to play a low key game here: I want to be making the decisions with Cormac, making tight alliances with other players, and then having them go out and do the dirty work. John seems like a good guy and a good player, and I also feel like he thinks he's the leader of our little group. It's definitely in our best interest to stay tight with him, but we have to be wary of him making alliances on the other side as well.

Maynor

I’m so fucken nervous and I swear if im voted out second. Ugh. Jack can go home. Like i did nothing to you and you just decide to come for me for no reason? Like wow. Jacks the target and I hope the people ive been talking to and aligned with are telling me the truth cuz it would totally suck if they are lying to me. There is really no reason to take me out who is active instead of jack who isnt active and just barely coming on. Fuuuuuuck me. Im be paranoid the whole fucken day arent I.

Stephen

So this tribe is kinda dull, so theyve chosen a dull vote. Maynor. I like maynor but he has been a little silent. The big question is: is there a majority alliance out there? The answer is yes, of course there is, there always is. I make my survivor career on not being in majority alliance then tearing them apart when the tea gets spilled. See: Tashirojima.

Jack

Made a bit of a conection with Ellie from the other tribe, and she seems pretty open to working together if we make it to the merge or if theres a tibe swap

Raffy

I am happy that we do not have to go to tribal. It allows me to be more social with people on my tribe without the threat of a vote looming over our heads.

Justin

This round was a lot more chill. Mostly cuz we won immunity, but I'm still keeping my relations with everyone good. I realized this round that Cormac, whom I have been talking to since last round, is on the other tribe lol. Luckily, I didn't tell him any compromising information, and now I have a connection to the other tribe. Plus, Keith from the other tribe reached out to me and we had a really good conversation. I like him a lot and I see myself working with him in a swap or merge. He is from Pakistan so he is also in the eastern hemisphere as well as Stephen. So, I was thinking I could possibly make an Old World alliance because we are closer to each other in times. However, Cormac has told me that his tribe is most likely voting out Stephen so that won't work out. I would say the only alliance I have so far is with Cormac, so I need to make something official with a player in my tribe before other people get them. Specifically, I want to ask Timmy to be in an alliance.

Maynor

Today has been really quiet. I really hope the people telling me im good are telling the truth. I hope my connections are strong enough to let me survive this first round. Im so nervous and ugh i hate this feeling. Id be extremely sad if I go over an inactive.

Raffy

Truly. Honestly. I'm so lazy. I don't want to do the idol hunt lmao

Jack

I can't remember if i already did a confessional about this but in case i didn't: Ellie and i chatted a bit and she seems open to working together later in the game and Cormac seems down with that plan too. Idk if i cant /trust/ Raffy but he also seems cool too

Ellie

So I feel like Raffy is a tiny bit annoyed with me sometimes cause I do share a lot, but I will not be a little tea pot this time. Raffy and I talk strategy all the time and he’s my closest ally but it honestly feels like I barely know him while my other close ally, Dylan, I have bonded with a lot and know a lot about them while still strategizing with them. It’s weird but I’m not going to push. He told me to stop talking about past games, and I’m like ? If I don’t mention you we’ll be chill

Ellie

Also we bonded with jack 👀

Maynor

Tonight, i may be leaving. Ill just be really sad. Mad at first cuz i tried my hardest in first immunity and then someone decides to mess up in the 2nd if by accident or on purpose. Mostly ill be sad cuz i wont be able to play with Timmy. I finally got to retalking with dylan and really miss them. Mostly ill be sad cuz let jay down for giving me a 3rd chance after my performance in rotuma. Ily Jay. Hopefully i stay. ❤️❤️❤️

Dylan C

I have to choose whether or not to do a part of the idol hunt where if I do it, I risk losing my vote at the next tribal I attend, and if I don't do it then I start the idol hunt over. Heck. I'll probably do it tbh.

Maynor messaged me a few minutes ago to say that he thinks he's getting voted out tonight, and that he enjoyed talking to me again. I don't want to see him go, in part bc I wanted to try to ally with him at some point and also just because I like him. Also I don't know what's going on on the other tribe but? Y'all are gonna vote out the guy who held a cup over his head for over two hours for your tribe? Smh

Jack

I really like Dylan C's vibe. Imma PM them later some more and see if that's a thing

Sierra

The vote switched when Jack started getting paranoid — his name wasn’t even coming up until he started asking everyone if they were SURE that they were down with the plan. It felt really awkward to have to reiterate over and over again that we were on his side... and it made it difficult to believe that HE was really with US. I’m really grateful that Stephen gets to stay around for another few days!

Dylan R

Ok so I did all of the puzzles for the idol hunt & then I FLOPPED on the challenge so: I have my clown outfit on.

I’m trying to make friends but it’s hard 🥺 I think if we go to tribal Joseph will go before be but I got some serious catch up to do if I wanna win

John

i know keith was originally our fifth, but i’m kinda wanting to work with maynor the more i talk to him. i want a fifth that will side with me if needed. and idk if keith could be that fifth that would benefit ME. it’s also just a thought. not tied to the idea yet. stay tuned kids.

cormac marek

Alrighty very eventful times leading up to our first tribal. I have been involved in like 13 alliance chats. Me and Zoe had an hour call last night on how she found an advantage to be kept between the two of us. It was amazing! Keith seems on board for anything. He has a "as long as its not me" gameplay. The core worm alliance was going to vote out Stephen but switched it to Jack after he became insane. It was sad because we were going to include Jack in on the deals. Maynor was told that Jack was gunning for him so that's a vote for Chaos Kass. If all goes smooth it will be unanimous. Stephen asked me right before tribal and I told him Jack was gunning for him and that majority was going for him. Hopefully this means he will be with us. It is really tricky. Let's see how the blood rolls

Joseph Collins

Patiently waiting on next immunityyyyyyy.

Timmy

Jack is trying to get maynor out...so jack can go.

0 notes

gotbts7fics · 4 years

Text

Positive | Two |

| One | March 2017 | Three |

Bree had returned to Canada a week and a half after she arrived. You had been so busy with her that you hardly thought of your current predicament. It wasn’t until she had boarded her plane that you realized just how royally screwed you were. You had to hide a pregnancy, pretend everything was okay, take care of an extremely active seven year old and figure out how to end your relationship. You were exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. You had forgotten just how tiring pregnancy was in the first few months. It wasn’t helping that your boyfriend was currently in the midst of a comeback and you were running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off to support him and his members. You were doing everything you thought you needed to do for them, tonight that included feeding them.

“Y/N!” You turned towards the sound of your name. You had walked to Jaebum’s agency to drop off food for the seven men who were currently preparing tirelessly. So you had bundled yourself up on the chilly Saturday evening and ventured out to fulfill your mission. They had been locked away in the dance studio for god knows how long now and you figured they could use food.

“OMG you brought chicken!” Jackson yelled as he engulfed you in his arms.

“Figured you needed some substance to keep you guys going.” You smiled weakly. Either they were too tired to care, or you were just getting so good at hiding your emotions that no one batted an eye at you and your less than enthused self.

Jackson was yanked off of you, only for you to be trapped in somebody elses arms. You looked up to see the man you would give the world to looking down at you.

“I’ve missed your face. I’m sorry that I am so busy” JB apologized to you, while kissing your forehead.

“Honestly, I get it” You smiled.

“You’re just perfect y/n.” He said, reaching for your hand, as he grabbed the chicken and went to set it on the floor with his members. You watched as every one of the members went right for the food, not even bothering to wait. You were content in this moment, as you watched them eat. You were going to miss this family that had surrounded by you for three years.

“Hey, where’s Jaidyn? We haven’t seen her in a few days” Bambam said with a pout, mouth full of chicken.

“Ahhhh, she’s gone to Soo Hyuk’s house for a sleep over.” You said, grabbing a piece, but only slightly nibbling it. You were to terrified to eat and possibly vomit all over everyone, thus your secret revealed.

“She spends way to much time with that boy. I don’t like it” Jaebum said, looking at you. Laughing, you placed a hand on his thigh.

“It’s true, it seems like he’s always with her, and you let them have sleepovers! I don’t think she should be around boys so much” Jackson piped up.

“I mean, she’s also always around you guys too. He’s at least her age” You chuckled.

“We’re different. We love and protect her.” Bambam insisted, acting offended.

“No, you teach her how to dab and be rebellious, you and Yugyeom are literally the worst.” Everyone but the two youngest laughed, as they desperately tried to defend their honour. God you were going to miss this.

Marched passed by in a blur for you. School had started a new term, so you were busy with lesson plans and classes. Jaidyn was always doing something with someone. GOT7 was so busy with their new album that you hardly saw JB. In some twisted way, it put you at ease. You missed him unconditionally but you knew this was better. Their popularity had sky rocketed and they were so busy that both of you knew seeing each other just wasn’t an option right now. He never let you forget about him though. He was always messaging you to tell you he loved you, would send post cards from where ever he was visiting, and just make sure you knew that he was devoted. It was breaking your heart. You thought about how terrible you were being, stringing him along, letting him believe that you weren’t about to smash his heart into a thousand pieces. You were everything you despised in people who dragged out break ups. You hadn’t told anyone about the baby other than Bree, you hadn’t even told your parents, or close friends back home. You knew you had to get your shit together, you were approaching twelve weeks now and had to get home to Canada sooner, rather than later. You were hoping you wouldn’t show till closer to the half way mark, just like your first pregnancy, just to buy you a little bit more time. You knew that you were being very selfish for holding on a little bit to tightly to your life in Seoul. It wasn’t until the end of March that you finally decided you needed to get things in order. You started with letting your school know you would be leaving at the end of May. This gave them enough time to find a replacement for you, also it allowed you enough time to get things in prepared to travel home. You could fly home the first week of June. You just needed to end things with Jaebum by the end of April, and then stay hidden from them which you felt would be rather easy, as they had a pretty intense schedule with pretty much the whole month of May being in Japan. You knew this was the cowards way on how to handle things, but you justified it because the love you had for Jaebum was blindly distracting you. You weren’t going to ruin him, or GOT7s career. You would rather break the hearts of yourself, him and your child then to risk wrecking everything you worked so hard for.

It was six am on a Wednesday when your phone rang, displaying an Ontario number you hadn’t spoke to in a very long time. You sighed, knowing that the person on the other end already knew your dirty little secret. You had been deliberately avoiding him, fearing he would jump on a plane and come to Korea to get you himself.

“Hello……”You answered hesitantly.

“Are you fucking crazy?” A very angry male voice yelled into the receiver.

“Oh hey Owen, nice to hear from you. I missed you. How is life?” You deliberately ignored his outburst and tried to be pleasant.

“Listen here my love, I know. I finally convinced Bree to spill the beans on why you were ignoring everyone here, and why she ran to Korean. Pregnant y/n? Really? And you’re going to run away. What is so wrong with this dude that after three fucking years you can’t tell him he knocked you up?” You noted how angry your best friend was. Owen had gone through so much with you when you found out you were pregnant with his former friend. He was the one who brought you to the doctors and was there for you when times were hard. He was not only a friend, but the older brother you never had. He loved you fiercely and protected you. If it wasn’t for the fact he never wanted a passport to leave the country, you were sure he would have showed up and kicked JB’s ass for getting you pregnant and not stepping up, regardless on you not telling him. He didn’t have respect for men who abandoned their children.

“I’m not telling him. It’s not that simple. Please understand.” You sighed dejectedly. This was not an argument you wanted to have right now.

“When do you fly in?” He demanded.

“June fifth at five in the afternoon” You replied, biting your lip.

“I’ll be there, I’ve missed you and Jai. Skype doesn’t do justice and you haven’t come home to visit in a long time.” He said, he could be mad, but it never took away from how much he cared.

“I’ve missed you too.”

“Good. Look I have to go, but you need to tell him. It’s not fair to him, and this isn’t over between us. I have so much more to say to your sorry ass.” You knew Owen was speaking from personal experience, he hadn’t found out about his son until he was eight months old. It had killed him to know he missed out on so much of his life.

“I know, it’s just not that easy.” You said

“It is. I’ll talk to you soon. Love you”

“Love you too” You said hanging up the phone, turning to your messages where you let out a little steam towards your best female friend.

[6:17am] You: Bitch, you told him

[6:18am] Boo: Yeah suck it. You couldn’t hide from him forever. AND HE WAS THREATENING!

[6:18am] You: You’re a fucking cop Bree, don’t give me that shit. Arrest him.

[6:19am] Boo: Sure, for what, caring about his dumb ass best friend?

[6:20am] You: Fuck. You. Bitch.

[6:21am] Boo: I love you too. Honestly, I know you feel better.

[6:22am] You: Not the point, goodnight.

[6:22am] Boo: Hahahaha, have a great day ;)

You shut the screen of your phone off and threw it to the end of your bed. It was time for you to get up, get the kid ready for school and move forward with your day.

As March continued on, you were thankful for the busy schedules of both you and Jaebum. It made it easier to deny your current situation. Pretending that everything was a hundred percent normal. That you weren’t indeed hiding the fact that you were growing a little human in your belly. It was on a weekend that you travelled to your boyfriends parents house for a family dinner, one unsurprisingly, he couldn’t join last minute. That never bothered you though, the Im’s had opened their arms, hearts and home to you the minute Jaebum brought you home the first time. You were shocked to learn his mother was completely open to you, and your child, no questions ask. Over three years you had spent birthdays, Christmas, holidays and random family dinners together. More often than not without Jaebum. His parent’s had enjoyed having a grandchild around to play with. Tonight, Mr. Im had decided to take Jaidyn out to play before dinner, insisting it was so you could relax. Mrs. Im was busy cooking dinner, while you sat at the kitchen determined to help with the cooking.

“You’re very tired lately. Jaebum called and told us, you should rest tonight. Don’t worry about anything” She said in the motherly tone, making you miss from own mom even more. Three years had helped your korean enough that you know longer needed JB to translate for you. It was amazing really, you and Jaidyn were close to fluent that, when spoken too, even locals were shocked. It made you feel proud.

“I’m okay, things have just been busy. I don’t think I am resting properly anymore.” You said looking up towards her, a shy smile on your face.

“Here, have some of this kimchi fried rice. You look too skinny, eat, eat. Have you not been feeling well lately either?” She asked, you paled at the question, desperately trying to hide any telltale signs of your secret, vomiting all the food had resulted in a little bit of weight loss, but not enough that you thought it was noticeable. You took a big bite of the food she placed in front of you. It was delicious, savoury, and god you were going to miss her cooking. You practically inhaled the food, only to realize that was a big mistake. Apparently, your nausea wasn’t completely gone. It took everything in that moment of panic to will the gods to allow you to not throw up the food you ate. Praying silently, as tears escaped the corner of your eyes, that this would go away quickly as to not divulge your tiny secret.

“Hmmmmmmm” Mrs. Im said as she observed you quietly from the corner of her eye. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, more than okay. It’s delicious. Thank you” You smiled the best you could. Mother’s always know, you thought.

“I hope we can see you more often, you know how much Appa misses Jaidyn. If anything ever were to happen, where you and JB no longer see each other, you will always have a place in our home” She stated with such sincerity that you looked at her. She removed herself from the cooking and brought her arms around you.

“You’re my daughter now. No matter what. That child is a blessing and we will never turn our backs on you” She hugged you tightly, almost as if she was scared you would slip away.

“I love you too, Omma.” You whispered into her shoulder. “I love him too, always remember that. I will always love him no matter what” another tear fell down your cheek. Mrs. Im and you stayed like that for a few more minutes, until the sound of laughter was entering the house. The two trouble makers had returned, starving, after their adventure.

That night you laid in bed, beside your child, staring up at the ceiling. You never wanted to leave this house full of love. You rolled over and looked out the window, recalling the moment in the kitchen. Mothers always know, you thought again, and you were positive, that the woman you called Omma, knew.

#positive update #got7 x reader #jb x reader #pregnancy au #jb #jaebum

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