#tbh i never notice the passage of time until one day i just go “DAMN THINGS HAVE CHANGED” and i remeber that time has passed

[marsneedstherapy]

something insane to me is that I first read these violent delights 2 years ago like HUH WYM??? IT'S BEEN THAT LONG?? I literally remember when our violent ends came out like- I remember when foul lady fortune didn't have a title- like damn I've really been a fan for a long time 😭

[justletmeplayminecraft]

ex finds a stowaway. what happens next may surprise you.

set in @martuzzio‘s space outlaw au, as ever. this was one of the fics i wanted to write early on and i’m super chuffed i’ve finished it. a faster pace to my previous few, but still 5.5k. 

featuring: ex goes on a journey of character growth feat. someone who definitely isn’t zedaph, ex actually learns to use the word ‘friend’, some tense brotherly discussions, emotions, ex basically holds zedaph up like ‘whose child is this???’, also try not to think of zedaph as a pack creature on his own for that long with only his shawl for comfort cause that hurts a lot.

warnings: tbh if you’ve read my other fics then you’ll be fine, this is tame. very brief shoot-out. emotions. that’s all i can think of.

In all of Ex's (too many) years alive, it's never taken him this long to notice a stowaway before. He's had them, of course. It's usually kids sneaking onto ships that don't know better. They're looking for adventure. Though, they stop looking once they see him. Dropping them off to their parents or kicking them off his ship is easy enough. When it's more serious... Well, he figures it out. He's not Xisuma, but he's not heartless either. Up until now, he's always found them before he took off, or a few hours into flight.

He finds the blond in the middle of deep space.

It's not like he's hidden well, either. He's curled up tightly in the storage hold, tucked in the corner behind some boxes. His arm acts a pillow, a woollen shawl draped over his shoulders. There's only a small rucksack tucked close to torn robes. From the slow rise and fall of his chest, he's sound asleep. Ex sighs, unsure how to proceed from here. It's too late to turn back and drop him off. He doesn't look very threatening, at least. Ex nudges the guy with his toe, watching him rock back and forth. The guy whines.

"Hey. Get up." Ex gets a frown, blue eyes blinking open. He looks ahead of him tiredly, reaching to rub his face before freezing, bolting upright.

"Wh- oh. Um." Ex reaches for the gun on his hip, twirling it before pointing it at the ground. The blond's mouth falls open. "Oh, that's not good."

"Who are you?" Ex asks, keeping his sentences short. This guy looks flighty as anything, shoulders drawn in so he can lean away.

"Woo- William. My name's William." Ex narrows his eyes, tilting the gun closer to him. The guy squeaks.

"I don't believe you." Ex stares him down.

"That's it, that's my name, I'm not lying. Why would I lie to the scary man with a gun?" He swallows, tacking on, "Please don't kill me." Ex keeps his expression neutral and harsh.

"The hell are you doing on my ship?" He demands. Hopefully he'll be smart enough not to lie about that. The guy twists his hands in front of him.

"I just needed safe passage! That's all. There's some people that don't particularly like me and I just- I had to get away!"

"And what's stopping me from giving you to them?" The look of fear that enters those blue eyes would be enough on its own. The blond, Ex might as well call him William, looks devastated. His whole expression crumbles.

"You-" His eyes dart around the hold. Ex can see his arms tense, ready to push himself up.

"There's nowhere to run. We're in the middle of deep space." William doesn't even look at him anymore. He tugs the shawl tighter around his shoulders, beginning to look very small. His breathing has turned into small puffs. Ex sighs, slotting his gun back in its sheath. "What have you been having to eat? To drink?" He asks. William blinks in confusion, glancing up to him. He doesn't quite make eye contact.

"Um, there's some food in one of the crates. Biscuits. I'm really sorry- I was hungry." Ex sighs, making a decision he's pretty sure he's going to regret. He holds his hand out.

"Come on. Get up." William pulls his shawl closer, eyeing him with apprehension. "I'm taking you to the kitchen, idiot. Unless you want to fade away down here."

"Oh." William quietly releases his shawl, hand hovering. "Can I take my bag?" Ex can't imagine anything dangerous being in a bag like that, but he's no fool.

"Give it here."

"Do I have to?" Ex scowls at him. William visibly pales. He gathers up his bag, pushing it into Ex's awaiting hand.

"You can have it back after you eat. And I make sure there's nothing dangerous in it." Ex slings the bag onto his shoulder, taking some care with the contents.

"Okay. That sounds fair." Ex avoids commenting, offering his hand again. William takes it this time. He's as light as Ex expecting, falling into his front with a panicked, "Sorry!" Ex shakes his head, pushing William in front of him. As harmless as he seems, Ex knows better than to take unnecessary chances.

-

He was right that William looked starved. He's tall but tiny, barely any weight on him. The robe hangs off his frame shapeless, a sash wrapped into a belt keeping it on. William tells him in a quiet voice that he's vegetarian, and then eats the food Ex cooks like he hasn't eaten in a week. And if he's been in the hold only eating biscuits, maybe that's accurate.

"Thank you so much," William pushes the plate away, dropping his hands into his lap. Ex nods, only halfway through his own plate. "I- um. Can't actually remember the last time I had a cooked meal. That was really nice." Ex raises his eyebrows. He's not even going to ask. He has a feeling he won't get a straight answer.

"Did you have a destination in mind?"

William shrugs, "Wouldn't have gotten on a random ship if I did."

"Good. Because I'm not going off course for you." William laughs very gently, pressing back against the chair.

"That's- that's okay. I'll probably just find another ship. That's what I've been doing." He can see William tug at his robe. It shows how thin the fabric is. Ex furrows his brow.

"How long have you been running?" He asks. William looks surprised at the question. He tugs the robe tighter, shifting his shawl from its position. He resets it quickly.

"I don't remember." William's voice is incredibly small. Ex silently curses. He swore to himself a long time ago he wouldn't get attached to humans. He's never understood Xisuma and his ever-changing entourage. Their lives are so short. Blink and you miss it. But, here, this one, sat across from him. Ex knows how exhausting running is.

He's growing attached. Damn it.

-

He's proved right when Ex shows him to his room. He gives William's bag back. There was barely anything in it anyway. A spare robe, empty water bottle, a broken thread bracelet, a notepad (detailing his travels, Ex thinks), a de-tangling brush and a tiny amount of change. He's pretty confident this guy isn't a threat to him. He'll keep the bedroom door locked anyway.

"Um." William pauses at the door, cradling his bag. Ex crosses his arms. "Thank you. Again," he says, "You've been really nice to me. I appreciate that."

"It's a few weeks until the next port," Ex tells him. William nods.

"I can help out where I can?" He suggests. "I can... Clean or cook, maybe? I'm not very good at it but-" Ex holds his hand up and the rambling trails off.

"Tomorrow. I'll find something." William's shoulders relax.

"Thank you."

-

True to his word, Ex finds him something to do. Sure, it's dusting, but it's an easy way to keep an eye on him. Ex is no idiot. He's thought things through. He doesn't need to let William near any dangerous chemicals, he can steer him from important machinery and he's not going to do much to Ex with a duster.

He doesn't think he'd be able to do much anyway with that little muscle.

Ex tries to remember what he's learnt about humans. It's not like he's unfamiliar with them, the damn things are everywhere. Fragile yet resilient, they find their way into everything. Ex did his best to avoid them. Now, he has no idea what to do with this one on his ship.

He's pretty sure this is an adult human, at least. The children are usually smaller and talk in higher voices. Far more annoying, too. William listens to him. He stays out of Ex's way, always on the edges. Ex feels slightly reassured he's not accidentally kidnapping a child. That's the last thing he needs. His bounty is high enough. Sure it isn't kidnapping if he came onto the ship himself, but like the authorities care.

Two days after Ex found William, the blond approaches him.

"Um." He's holding the front of his shawl, tugging it tighter around him. He's not changed clothes yet. Though, what would he change into? "I was just thinking I- uh. I don't know what to call you." William shifts from foot to foot. "You don't have to tell me, of course! That's fair! But I keep calling you scaryblueishman in my head which is kind of rude." Ex raises his eyebrows, staring down at the human.

"Ex." Blue eyes narrow.

"Ex?" William sounds confused. "That's just a letter."

"E-X," he spells out, with a dead stare. William still looks skeptical but he nods, mouthing the name before he speaks again.

"Okay. Ex." He nods again, a bit more confident. "It's nice to meet you properly." Ex grunts, turning away to focus on directions. William doesn't leave, his shadow moving awkwardly in Ex's peripherals. Ex finally glances to him.

"What else?"

William takes a deep breath, "Is there a way I could clean my robe? I mean, I'm happy to just do it in a sink with water, but I wanted to check first." Ex wrinkles his nose.

"Please do." William shrinks in, tugging his shawl tight. He focuses on the ground.

"Sorry, yeah. I'll- I'll do that." William skitters away quickly and Ex is left with the feeling he said the wrong thing. He frowns, before deciding it isn't his problem. If William has an issue, he can deal with it.

-

At dinner that night, William is dressed in his other robe, and his hair is heavy with water. With his face clean, he has a pleasant glow to his cheeks. Ex is surprised how much healthier it makes him look. He sits at the counter with him, in the routine they've silently established.

"I'll wash this one tomorrow," William tells him. "But I needed something to wear whilst the other one dried soooo...." It's the first time Ex has seen him without the shawl on. Part of him wants to ask where it is.

"Didn't you use the dryer?" Ex asks instead, pointing to his hair. William pats it, face opening up as he remembers it's wet.

"It's wool. I have to let it air dry or it shrinks." He pretends to shiver. "That's never fun, do not recommend." Ex's thoughts come to a crashing halt. He was fairly certain humans didn't have wool for hair. He knits with wool. Is this some kind of genetic tampering again? Humans always seem to do that.

"Wool?" He questions, seeing an opportunity to prod into William's past either way. William nods, pulling out a strand of hair. It reveals the tight waves in it. Then he seems to realise what Ex is asking and blanches.

"Oh- uh." The hands withdraw back, pressing into his lap now he has no shawl to fiddle with. "You thought I was human, didn't you?"

"You're not," Ex replies, keeping a blank tone. William shakes his head, hair swishing as he does.

"Most people think I am but- well, you're already doing me a big favour by not killing me." His eyes dart to him and back to his plate. "So, uh, I guess I'm related to humans? I'm mostly human. But I'm like... Also related to sheep."

"Sheep," Ex checks, "Those big fluffy things that humans used to farm?"

"Yes! Those!" William bounces in his seat. "I look human so usually I just pretend I am. Makes life easier. But, kinda slipped up here." He fiddles with his robe. Ex can understand that. He's often thought his life would be far easier if he was just a human. But his life would be far easier if a lot of things were different. Being a more common species is a star in the galaxy against his problems.

"Does this mean I get to know your name?" Ex asks. He's surprised how pleased he is when William laughs at his teasing. There’s not a hint of nervousness in it this time.

"You're still stuck on that, aren't you?" William leans forward on the table. "I'm gonna keep it secret. Give you a reason to keep me around."

"So you admit it's not your name."

"Ah." William looks to the side. "You got me there." Ex smirks, continuing to eat. He can't remember the last time he made someone properly laugh. Probably Xisuma. William, whatever his name is, he's... He's not bad.

-

He finds himself trusting William as more time passes. He's given him no reason not to. William follows him into the engine room to figure out why a light keeps flashing. He sits in the navigation bay as Ex redirects around a police stop. He watches and he learns. He talks, too. Ex is amazed someone can chatter so much.

The first few times he trails off once he realises he's doing it. So Ex tries to encourage the conversation. He grunts, nods, tries all those things you usually do. Things he's never cared for before. He likes listening to William speak. The way his brain jumps from topic to topic. He's surprisingly sharp for someone stowing away on an outlaw’s ship. Ex would never admit it, but he prefers it to the silence.

"You might be able to move that wire," William points out. The damn targeting system has stopped working this time. He should’ve known better than to take the cheap junk. "Connect it directly into the power source. Seems like the surge detector is malfunctioning." William rests his hand on his chin. "Actually, test the surge detector with something else first. In case it's a problem with the power source." Ex nods, before looking at William with suspicion.

"When did you become a technician?" William laughs quietly, scratching the back of his hair.

"Um, picked it up over time," he replies. "My friends used to be really good at it so I got the basics from them. Then I kinda needed to know to survive." There's something tight in William's voice when he mentions his friends, how he skips over it quickly and continues explaining what they should do. Ex doesn't comment on it any further. It's hardly like William will be sticking around.

-

Until they reach the next port. William quietly asks where he's going next. Ex tells him. He doesn't bring attention to the relief in William's eyes.

-

They become travelling partners after that. William is there with excited comments and a bounce in his step. He has a surprising range of technical know-how, with unconventional but surprisingly effective solutions. Ex finds himself enjoying the company. He thought he'd mind more. Silence is something he's used to. Something he could retreat into for safety. William never pressures him. He doesn't expect replies. He fills a space Ex didn't know needed filling.

And Ex learns things. William speaks fondly of his family, but he hasn't seen them for a long time. He has a wide knowledge of ships, various organisations and federations. He has a sharp wit, he enjoys watching comedies, he likes napping where Ex is nearby. It's been a long time since Ex has tried to learn about another person. He writes down each small fact so he doesn't forget.

He does ask one day, "You are an adult, right?" William looks up, his smile full of cheek.

"On paper!" So, he gives up on that enquiry. He'll just assume he is.

But William never brings up his friends again. If it weren't for the brief mentions of family, Ex would assume he didn't have a life before meeting him.

That changes, one night.

Ex stopped locking William's bedroom a long time ago. It's so rare he leaves his room anyway. Ex trusts him with far worse around the ship. He wakes up too easily for William to sneak up on him. Or doesn't sleep at all. Like tonight, Ex wanders the ship aimlessly.

He finds William on the bridge. The systems are powered down for the night. It's a piece of junk, but the windows still tower over them. William is sat against one, a shadowed silhouette against the stars. His shawl is slipping off his shoulder. There's something sad in his eyes, the stars reflected in the blue. Ex's footsteps are silent. He sits across from William and blue eyes turn to him.

"Sorry," William's voice is so quiet in the open space. "Did I keep you up?"

"I didn't know you were here," Ex replies. William smiles, resting against the window again. He looks small against the stars.

His next words are quieter, "It feels so lonely, sometimes." Ex watches William tug his shawl tighter, pull his legs a bit closer. "All of this space."

"I've been alone for a long time," Ex tells him. "I'm used to it." William looks at him closely and Ex feels more examined than he has in a long time.

"I'm not sure if I pity you or I'm jealous."

"I'm not sure if I should be insulted." William smiles. It doesn't reach his eyes.

"I wish I could just not care." He breathes out, shaking slightly. "I miss them so much. It's been years." Years aren't very long to Ex, but he doesn't mention that.

"Your family?"

"No-" William turns back to the stars "-My friends."

"Can't you see them?" William's laugh is more of a sob.

"I'm pretty sure they're dead." He stands, pulling his shawl tight. With the light on his face, Ex can make out the shine of tears. "I'm going to sleep. I'm sorry."

By the time Ex can find the words to reply, William is already gone.

-

The next day, whilst they sit together in the common room, William speaks for the first time since that conversation.

"My name's Zedaph." Ex turns to him quickly. "My real name."

"That sounds less real than William," Ex replies, furrowing his brows. William, well, Zedaph, now, gasps in mock surprise.

"Says the person with a letter!" He cries, prodding his finger forward. He can’t reach. Ex smirks. He'll write that down later. Zedaph.

-

Zedaph only gets more bubbly now he's revealed his name. It occurs to Ex he could use it to look him up. He could unwrap this mystery of a person. Yet he... Doesn't. Zedaph is- Ex doesn't want to betray his trust. Zedaph has brought something new to his miserable life. He's precious. Ex doesn't want to break what they have.

Except he messes up.

Zedaph doesn't even have armour as the authorities unload on them. Ex shoves him forward, putting up a shield behind them so they can run. Zedaph stumbles as a shot bounces off the shield. He grabs a table from outside the cafe, dragging it over onto the pavement. Ceramic shatters across paved streets, water spilling into cobbles. People are standing, with loud gasps and shouts. Zedaph looks to Ex, nodding before sprinting alongside him. Ex grabs his wrist, using his free hand to fire shots back at the authorities in the hopes of keeping them away.

They turn a corner and Ex doesn't hesitate to pull Zedaph down another side alley. He refuses to let either of them drop the pace, keeping Zedaph firmly beside him. It takes several more twists and turns until Ex is certain they've lost their pursuers. He still keeps a brisk pace, determined to get back to the ship before they're spotted. Zedaph is puffing beside him.

"I knew this was a mistake," Ex mutters. He still has his hand digging tightly around Zedaph's wrist.

"What?" Zedaph asks. His feet are dragging as he tries his best to keep up. Ex huffs, glaring at him.

"You," he spits. "You've got no armour, you could've died if they shot you. I should’ve left you at that port. This is my damn fault." Zedaph's eyes narrow into a returning glare. He tries to snatch his arm back from Ex but Ex holds fast.

"No, that's not fair," he protests. "To start with, they were after us because of me." Ex holds his arm still between them, halting them both. There's barely room to breathe in the tight alley. He hates these small towns.

"Why would they be after you?" He demands. Zedaph doesn't back down.

"They found me in their record room. I ran but they must've recognised me." Ex stares the blond down, watching as he breathes heavily. He finally yanks his arm, setting a quick pace.

"We're talking about this on the ship," he tells him, voice firm.

"Of course we will," Zedaph mutters. Ex doesn't dignify him with a reply.

-

"Why would you do something so stupid?" He never realised how tall Zedaph is until he's glaring back at him, hands bunched in his shawl. His bag has been thrown on the ground.

"I do it at every planet," Zedaph replies, voice raised but not shouting. "This is just the first time you've noticed."

"And you didn't think to tell me this?"

"I told you there were people after me," Zedaph retorts. Ex rolls his eyes.

"You didn't say that was the police."

"Well, they're one of them. Happy now?"

"What did you even need to be in the stupid record room for?" Ex can barely keep still for his frustration. This stupid, fragile idiot. "What's worth risking your life for?" Zedaph stalks to his bag, picking it up and clutching it in his arms.

"I have to try, okay!" Zedaph doesn't meet his eyes. He's curled around his bag protectively, twisted away from Ex. "For my friends! My best friends-" His voice breaks. Zedaph buries his face into the bag, shoulders shaking and oh god- he's crying. He's crying and this is all Ex's fault.

He barely gets his arms around Zedaph in an attempt at a hug for him to fall against Ex. The bag is squashed between them, and Ex does the best to rub his trembling back, unsure what to do or say.

"There there?" He attempts, thinking to parents and their children. A laugh bubbles out of Zedaph. He steps away but there's still tears in his eyes. He rubs at them with the back of his arm.

"You don't- you don't have to do that." Zedaph smiles at him, his cheeks still shining. "This is kinda stupid, isn't it? Oh my word, I feel like a kid all over again. Crying over things I can't change." Ex pretends that sentiment doesn't hurt.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks. Zedaph hesitates. He actually thinks before he replies.

"Sure-" he shrugs "-at this point, why not? "

He keeps his bag with him as they settle in the common room. He wraps his legs around it, pulling out the small book that Ex remembers. Ex sits on another chair entirely, crossing his legs.

"I should start at the start, right?" Zedaph asks, peering at Ex under damp eyelashes.

"That might help," Ex agrees. Zedaph nods, resting his head on his bag.

"I used to have a really close herd," he begins, speaking softly. "One of them I think is okay. Skizz. But I've not been able to find him." He rubs circles onto his knee. "The other two are- were called Tango and Impulse." Something pings in Ex's head. He tries to place why. "We were a team, you know? And then just- they were gone and dead and I didn't want to believe it. I don't want to believe it."

Zedaph holds his book out. Ex takes it, opening the pages and flicking through.

"Every time I reach a port, I try to see if someone matching their descriptions has gone through." He shrugs, simply looking sad. "They never have. But I can't break the habit."

"These are the two that taught you tech?" Ex asks, pieces coming together in his head.

"Yeah!" Zedaph brightens up slightly. "The two of them were incredible. They came up with such amazing designs. For everything. The three of us could fly any ship we wanted to." He squeezes his knee. "I was never really as good as them. I can't even fill their shoes."

Ex frowns, "Don't you see how impressive you are?" Zedaph blinks at him, blue eyes wide.

"Um? No?" Ex closes the book, giving it back to Zedaph. Zedaph strokes the cover before slotting it away safely. "I can't design massive machines. Or work engines. I'm just- I'm me."

Ex raises his eyebrows, "You've successfully evaded police and however many other groups. You've kept detailed records of where you visited. You're able to make things work I'd given up on. You’re funny. Don't you see that?"

"You don't know them."

"No." Ex doesn't change tone. "But I know you." Zedaph squeezes his shawl.

"I'm not going to change your mind, am I?"

"You could always tell me more about them." Zedaph smiles very slightly, sinking into the seat.

"Yeah," he agrees. "It's been... Too long. I'd like to keep their memory alive somehow."

Ex listens closely to every word that Zedaph says. He talks into the early hours of the morning, stories upon stories. Of Impulse and how he tried to keep them together but was really just as chaotic most of the time. Tango and his fire hair, it's really amazing and his crazy ideas he somehow made work. The farms they’d come up with together, pouring over schematics into the early hours of the morning.

And Ex has all the pieces.

He needs to contact Xisuma. Damn it.

-

Ex doesn't want to be selfish. The thought crosses his mind. He could keep Zedaph all to himself and he'd be none the wiser. Ex would have company. They'd both be happy.

But.

How long can he keep Zedaph safe? It would be his fault if those blue eyes no longer shone as he laughs. The people after Ex are far worse than those after Zedaph. And Ex, as much as it pains him, doesn't want to be selfish. He doesn't want to be the reason Zedaph never sees his friends again.

He types out the message in silence that night.

[Ex] ive got somebody for your crew.

-

"And you're sure I can't come with you?" Zedaph asks, for possibly the fifteenth time that morning. Ex nods, keeping his eye on the coordinates of Xisuma's ship. It's been a long time since he's landed in there.

"You don't even have armour," Ex replies. Zedaph scoffs, spinning around in the co-pilot seat.

"I don't have to leave the ship," he suggests. "I could just sit here and look pretty."

"It'll be safer," Ex repeats, for what also must be around the tenth time. "It's a much bigger ship too. More people than just me. You’ll have space to spread out." Zedaph sighs, sliding down in the seat until he's nearly lying down.

"But what if they don't like me?" He exclaims. "At least you do."

"For now." Zed sits up at that with a noise of protest.

"Don't you start being mean," he complains. "I just don't get it. We've been fine, this works. Then we get in one firefight and you freak out!" Ex sighs, checking as they get closer.

"I've not done anything dangerous around you," Ex tells him. "And I am a dangerous man."

"You literally let me sleep on you because you're too afraid to move me," Zed points out. "You're hardly- oh, that is a really big ship." Ex looks up as Xisuma's ship comes into view in all her glory. Zedaph stares, open-mouthed at the sight. "You're putting me on that?" He asks, his face a picture of shock.

"She's a good ship, with a good crew. You'll fit in well." Zed pulls his shawl tight.

"Do you think so?" He asks.

"I know so," Ex replies. He mentally prepares himself. "You're a good friend, Zed. They'll love you." The smile on Zedaph's face is brighter than any star Ex has seen.

"Will you see me on board?" Ex sighs, before shaking his head. He doesn't want to deal with the emotions. Seeing Zedaph reunite with his proper friends. Leaving Ex behind.

"My brother will look after you," Ex tells him instead. Brother is easier than clone. There's parts of his history Zedaph simply doesn't need to know.

"I trust you."

Has anyone ever trusted Ex before?

-

Ex is there as Xisuma enters the ship. Zedaph looks between the two of them, eyes squinted.

"You really do look alike, huh." Xisuma shoots Ex a look. Ex shakes his head very slightly. He knows X will get the message.

"You must be Zedaph." Xisuma holds his hand out, offering a friendly smile. "Ex has told me about you." Zedaph smiles, accepting the handshake.

"You must be Xisuma." Zedaph nods. "It's a pleasure to meet you, sir." Ex snorts at the panicked look on Xisuma's face. His brother waves his hands quickly.

"Nope, none of that. Calling me sir makes me feel far too old."

"You are far too old." Ex throws his arm around Xisuma's shoulders, purposefully knocking him off balance. "You take care of the squirt, got it?"

"Hey!" Zedaph places his hands on his hips. "I'll call you a squirt if you're not careful." Xisuma laughs, shaking his head at the two's antics.

"Of course, of course. They're all excited to meet you. Are you ready?" Zedaph gives Ex a long look. He holds up a finger.

"One minute." He jumps forward, wrapping his arms around Ex and trapping him in a hug. He's gone from a twig to nearly dislodging Ex's footing. Impressive. He raises his arms, awkwardly settling into the hug. Zedaph's grip is tight enough to squeeze his lungs.

"You know I'm gonna miss you, right?" Zedaph steps back. He pokes a finger into Ex's chest. "You better stay safe out there. I want you to visit me."

"Yeah," Ex agrees, trying to hide the uncertainty in his words. "I will." He doesn't know which one he's agreeing to. Zedaph gives him a final smile. He turns to Xisuma with all of that boundless energy.

"Okay! Let's go." Xisuma nods, letting Zedaph take the lead. He pauses at the door.

"I promise to keep him safe," he tells Ex.

"You better."

It's barely two minutes until the feeling hits him. The ship feels so much emptier now.

-

"Why didn't you see him off?" Ex turns to find Xisuma standing beside him with his arms crossed. He stares into the distance, looking like a trademark wise old man. Ex scoffs at the sight, resisting the urge to cross his own arms.

"He won't have any trouble getting used to your ship," he replies. Xisuma looks at him, purple eyes trying to see into Ex's soul. Ex won't let him.

"That wasn't what I asked." Ex sighs, frustrating boiling over.

"How do you do it?" He demands, turning to Xisuma with clenched fists. Xisuma hardly reacts, his expression gentle as ever. "You let these people in your life knowing you're going to lose them. Again and again." It's with those words that Xisuma looks away in thought. Ex releases his fists, realising for once, he's asked something X doesn't have an immediate answer to.

"You want the honest answer?" Purple eyes lock with purple eyes.

"Why?" Ex sneers. "Are you planning to lie to me again?" For not even a second, Ex can see Xisuma flinch. It's such a minute shift in expression that the ordinary person wouldn't notice. Shame that Ex is looking at his own face.

Xisuma pities him. Even now.

"No." Xisuma bows his head. "Because you won't like it." Ex scowls at him. He gestures his hand out for Xisuma to continue. With that same gentle expression, Xisuma sighs. He takes Ex's hand into his own and lowers it between them. "I do it with great difficulty, Ex. Is that the answer you want?" Ex freezes, unable to reply as Xisuma looks directly at him with sad eyes.

Someone shouts for Xisuma inside the landing bay. The stupid admin glances in that direction, calling out a response. He squeezes Ex's hand as he faces him. Ex snatches it away.

"I'm going to send you his number," Xisuma tells him. He gives no room for Ex to argue. "It's your choice if you stay in contact."

"Why should I?"

"Having a friend isn't going to kill you, Ex." He doesn't appreciate Xisuma's dry tone. "Consider it." Ex huffs, a stray white strand flying from his face.

"Fine."

-

[Xisuma forwarded a contact: Zedaph]

[Xisuma] He speaks highly of you, you know?

[Ex] is this your way to convince me

[Xisuma] Maybe.

[Xisuma] And it's nice to hear that somebody else cares about you.

...

[Ex] shut up

-

[Ex] sup loser

[Ex] heard you missed me

[Zedaph] Ex!!!!!!!

[Zedaph] You absolutely knew, didn’t you? I hate you so much. 

[Zedaph] Oh, I have so much to catch you up on.

Ex rolls onto his side on the bed, content to watch the messages roll in.

[fearsbellsarchived]

[me? Thinking about a gf fairytales au instead of being productive? More likely than u think!!! think ou.at buT BETTER and w/o the real world dimension hopping part. under the cut bc i just copy/pasted my tags from forever ago to put them in one place

mabel and dipper are hansel and gretal

paz is sleeping beauty 

bill is maleficient 

if we’re gonna get disney about it wendy as merida 

i LOVE the idea of tambry as rapunzel??? 

mabel can also be like...eric from the little mermaid 

so mermando can be ariel 

gIDEON AS URSULA/VANESSA IN THAT VEIN THO 

bill is also rumplestilskin 

stan can be the huntsman (idk from which story cause theres a fEW BUT)

ford is the sorcerer from fanstasia 

ford is teaching dipper magic....and instead of a true love’s kiss that’s how he wakes paz (maybe?)

the northwests made a deal w bill like in the most famous version of rumplestilskin but instead of wanting paz for himself he just wanted to steal her body at 16

so when they lose the deal they ask for help from ford and ford’s like “yo i can maybe change the deal??? a little bit???” so instead of bill taking her over when he goes to she falls asleep ​

so dipper wasnt supposed to wake her up but he found her and fords notes and he and mabel went on an adventure

bill is all the villains 

billains 

so stan has to leave mabel and dipper in the woods (idk y it wasnt for long the twins are just impatient) so stan disappears and the twins are like “lETS EXPLORE THE WOODS”

they come across some creepy old house w a lot of spiderwebs (can u guess the villain yet?)

an older woman comes out and is like “why are you guys lost in the forest?”

mabel points to the glitter trail “we’re not lost”

dipper looks behind them ‘mabel!!! where’s all the glitter?!”

(ACTUALLY MAYBE ITS YARN???) 

so they lose the trail 

meanwhile stan is losing his fucking mind

he follows the stray glitter but it’s blown all over

he feels “LOST IN THE WOOOOODDDS!!!”

so the old lady offers for them to stay the night bc its getting late

dipper is SUPER sus but he plays it cool surprisingly

mabel is So In!

long short...stan eventually saves them from darlene’s trap

usually shes just a maneater but look

when u live in the woods u do what u can

so stan hauls them back to their cottage

dipper knew there was weird shit out there but he wants MORE

he starts going through his great-uncle’s journals (*cue the dipper squee*)

he reads about bill and his deal w paz’s parents

he’s like....’maybe we should rescue her?’

ford wont tell him why they cant

so dipper and mabel sneak out

they steal the grunkles’ boat

mabel falls over board???

dipper tries like HELL to save her

but then he sees mermando save her

SO MABEL IS SAVED BY MERMANDO!!! 

gideon (who had long-loved mabel from afar) finds out

he visits the merman to trick him

all mabel remembers is his voice

so YES mermando trades his voice for legs just like the movie

sue me okay w his distinct accent it makes sense!!!

so the twins get sidetracked bc mermando shows up out of nowhere

they dock on a small island for a pit stop and thats when ‘kiss the girl’ happens

they dont kiss so they move on

they dock on another stretch of land the next day

AND GIDEON APPEARS

the twins have only heard about him from their grunkles so mabel hears his voice and goes *heart eyes*

mermando is Distressed

dipper is Focused on getting to this sleeping princess

mabel makes fun of him for liking her

SO GIDEON HAS MERMANDOS VOICE!

at one point dipper catches him w/o the amulet that makes him sound like mermando

and he tells mabel and its kinda like “the hand that rocks the mabel” or whatever the ep was called

it takes dipper and mermando being threatened (and gideons voice slipping) for her to catch on and she breaks up w him

dipper wants to throw him overboard

they just leave him on the next inhabited island they find

mermando got his kiss but decides to go back to the ocean anyway

he promises to write

mabel is Sad

SO BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED ADVENTURE!

the twins come across a land near the one paz is on and decide to stop for food and to stretch their legs and other hygiene things

they find out there’s some archery thing going on and mabel is like ’ooooh can we try?!’

turns out its for neighboring kingdoms’ princes to win a princess

mabel and dipper think this is RIDICULOUS so they crash it

mabel steps up to shoot and everyone’s like ‘wHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?’

then dipper steps up beside her. neither of them have shot a bow before

they shoot at the same time. mabel’s like thisclose to the bullseye. dippers too far right

THEN!!! PRINCESS WENDY COMES OUT OF NOWHERE

DIPPER AND MABEL ARE IN AWE OF THIS VALKYRIE. THEYRE BOTH READY FOR HER TO KILL THEM BC THEY THINK ITLL BE AWESOME

but wendy is like ‘ACTUALLY ILL SHOOT FOR MYSELF THANKS’ and splits like three arrows down the middle w her accuracy

she looks at mabel and dipper and is like ‘u dudes look fun! ive never seen u before who are u???’

and they’re like ‘WELL!’ and launch into detail about their adventure w overlapping voices and sound affects and VAST description

anyways. i cant decide how old people are rn okay 

so wendy is like “hey dad??? im going on an adventure w these guys!” and her dad is like “unusual but u DID just win ur own hand. so ill allow it”

“YES! can i take soos too?!” 

“sure!”

sO THEYRE OFF AGAIN!!! lemme tell u the ship is filling faST!!!

they get to paz’s land. and the first thing they find is a girl in a tower with long purple hair.

everyone is pretty much just making ‘wtf’ faces for like....ten minutes.

finally wendy calls up the tower like “YO! WHATS W ALL THE HAIR?!”

tambry leans out the window w a bored expression and goes “its mine. im tambry. who r u?”

they introduce themselves and are like “u wanna come on our adventure?”

then....ROBBIE APPEARS!

and he knows where the princess is!!!

”oh yeah. her. shes also in a tower. its got a door but its guarded by gnomes.”

then robbie climbs tambrys hair pecks her cheek and ducks in the tower

they decide to head for the tower robbie directed them to. but they have to pass the castle. Northwest Castle

robbie warned them about the northwests. said that the princess was one and before she disappeared she was the snottiest brat hed ever met

so they became friends despite the fact that he plays music for a living (and not very well either)

her parents told her of the spell when she was twelve

so robbie’s like “they are not nice people and neither was she??? most of the townsfolk are glad shes asleep tbh”

but dammit! dipper came here for an adventure!!! he wasnt going to stop just bc the princess wasnt what he expected!

so they continue on!

mabel is like “maybe she doesnt KNOW how to be nice!”

and soos is just excited to be there!

and wendy is just...u kno...chill

they start to get close to the castle and they feel like they’re being watched

and then soos notices the PEACOCKS!

they assume theyre spies for the king and queen. which is half true?

they can also warn bill if someone is near pacifica

oh damn imagine that

being stuck asleep w a DREAM DEMON in ur head

sorry for the accidental psychological torture paz

WHICH IS THE ONLY TORTURE SHES HAD!

i think to make up for risking her life as a baby ther parents were like “we’re just gonna spoil u rotten and PRETEND u do no wrong eVERYTHING IS FINE”

so dipper is reading the journal and he FINALLY gets to the true loves kiss part of the deal

and he looks around at the party like “oh shit true love what do we do???”

mabel suggests he at least try and everyone agrees that yeah okay thats the back up plan

but dipper wants to use a SPELL!!!

so the king and queen see him w the journal and remember ford having the same one

so everyone is brought to the king and queen

theyre like “pRINCESS GWENDOLYN?!”

bc this is MY STORY and if i wanna give wendy a more princess-y name thEN I WILL

i say as i continue to refer to mason as DIPPER!!!

SO THEYRE MEETING THE NORTHWESTS!!!

wendys like “yes that is me the princess” and then everyone else introduces themselves...w dipper introducing himself as mason bc it just sounds more fairytale-y

soos is jesus (hey zeus! not jee sus)

soos is like....wendys bff/personal servant but mostly bff

so they explain their adventure to the northwests as quickly as possible

preston is no patient man and he’s is like “tbh its probably important she be here for her 18th bday soooo??? as long as she wakes up by next year why not???”

but only bc dipper was like “i wANNA USE MAGIC I DONT WANNA KISS HER THATS PLAN B!!!”

plus u kno...even if he DOES whats the guarantee itll work???

the guarantee is me being a filthy shipper tHATS WHAT!!!

so they continue to the tower!

there is probably a sidequest thingy with giffany bc i liked that episode

also soos needs more screentime im sorry

SO THEN!!! FINALLY!!!! THEY MAKE IT TO THE TOWER!!!

WHICH IS!!!

IN FACT!!!

GUARDED

BY

GNOMES!]

also theres a manotaur/multi-bear sidequest i just thought of bc i like THAT episode!!!

is this gf, a fairytale, sk.yrim, or a d.n.d campaign now??? WHO KNOWS!!! ITS NOT ME!!!

SO THEY GOTTA GET PAST THE GNOMES!

first they offer safe passage in exchange for mabel as their queen

after thats declined theyre like “or the redhead. well take her!”

this is also declined

finally jeff tells them to attack

at first the party tries to fight them off and they do okay

uNTIL SOME GNOME WEAPONIZED SCHMEBULOCKS RAINBOW PUKE!!! (i think it’s toxic tbh but i dONT REMEMBER)

finally mabel just pulls out her trusty crosSbow (aka “GRAPPLING HOOK!”) and they just make a tightrope to the window above the door

wendy goes first and NAILS it

then everyone else follows

soos almost falls and gets left to the gnomes but everyone helps him balance and they all make it through the window

coincidentally. the window leads to the princess’s room

OH MAN WHY DIDNT I USE THE PTERODACTYL?!

oh well. anyways.

everyone is looking around the room and like...taking it all in

dipper takes a moment...then walks over to the princess

he isnt sure if waking her will also wake the demon

crossover even more w my old paciphera au??? idk probably not

so dipper tries the spells he narrowed it down to

none of them work

all his friends have returned to the princess’s room and mabel is like “u gotta kiss her brobro!”

so dipper...poor poor dipper...just leans forward and kisses her

paz pretty much snaps her eyes open when dipper is a half inch from her face while he’s pulling back 

and even tho she was forewarned she wasnt expecting DIPPER so she SCREAMS

dippers ears are ringing

she shuts her eyes and stills her breathing and sits up.

AND SEES EVERYONE ELSE AND SCREAMS AGAIN

“i dIDNT EXPECT U TO BRING *FRIENDS*!”

so once shes a little more calm they explain the whole adventure to her

paz feels a little honored they came all this way just for her

also since True Love beats everything bill is like.....back in his home dimension. also paz has been fighting him for like....over a year.

so paz is like....ready to Go. u kno. just wants to go HOME.

they get pazs shit together and exit the tower through the door

she says goodbye to the gnomes. all by name.

“oh yeah mom and dad made them my personal guard when i was like...eight. theyve been prepping for this my whole life. they’ll meet me back at the castle.” so then she starts telling them about herself and her last like 

two years of being asleep w a DREAM DEMON

“sometimes i got the weirdest nightmares??? and they never ended. but when i woke up i couldnt remember anything specific.”

she and dipper talk away from the group. he tells her about how hes her true love and everything “okay well. we’ll have to lie to my parents and say it was a spell. bc they will NOT approve of us being true loves and if they hurt you...”

“then they hurt *you* too!” dipper finishes (idk maybe a combo w a soulmate au thing?)

meanwhile mabel is like...whining about boy problems??? and wendy is like “this is y boys r dumb.”

soos is like...wandering off. I WANNA INCORPORATE MELODY BUT WHO SHOULD SHE BE?!

paz and dipper start like....arguing about how to deal w her parents

apparently they actually ARENT that nice. if she doesnt marry a prince they’ll give her over to bill completely...or something idk

SO theyre nearing the castle!!!

theyve written theyre grunkles okay no worries. also mermando.

thats y mabels complaing about boys.

mermando and that manatee wife of his!!!

paz is not exactly ready to face her parents so she convinces the party (roll for charisma) to go the long way

which is actually just circles

anyways

we run back in to melody and soos and the party is like ‘wHOOPS WE DIDNT EVEN NOTICE GLAD U DIDNT GET EATEN BY A SPIDER LADY!

maybe melody is like....a fairy???

something light and ‘childish’ bc thatd fit her personality

soos is like “ive BEEN here. u dudes have been going in circles.” and everyone glares at paz.

“im sorry!!! i just dont want to go back!!!”

“ur dad made us promise to have u back for ur 18th bday.” says dipper while he tries to stay mad at his future wife

paz is like “YEAH SO HE CAN MARRY ME OFF TO A PRINCE!!!”

idk why paz and dips are being better at being soulmates here okay i was like....sleep-drunk when i first wrote this

so the party has a choice to make.

take paz back home where she wont be able to be w her TL (which in some cases has probably led to death) OR!!!

sneak her out and take her home w them?!

wendys probably gotta go back to her own kingdom tho.

and soos wants to stay w melody

U KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED?!

sTAN NEVER GOT TO BE SOOS’S DAD!!!!

SORRY SOOS!!!

so anyways

mabel and dipper decide to help her sneak out

luckily she knows all the blindspots

it takes longer but they finally make it back to their ship

they say theyre goodbyes to soos and melody and paz wishes them well in her kingdom. she promises to return when shes ready to rule

they load the ship and sail to wendys kingdom next

they stay a few days to recuperate

paz has trouble sleeping bc when she does the nightmares come back.

cue a kat.niss/pee.ta thing where paz sleeps next to dips bc it keeps the nightmares away

wendy has to explain why soos isnt w them to her dad who kinda shrugs it off?

“u proved u can protect urself.” or something.

after like.....a whole fucking year the twins are heading home.

paz and dipper sleep together on the ship too bc its just fucking easier

paz is nervous to meet the grunks

she and dipper arent exactly....dating??? its def more like soulmate au

where theyre AWARE theyre supposed to be together but they dont even rly know if they WANT to be together.

paz is p much “i dont rly wanna be w anyone else. ill let u kno if that changes.” and dips is like “tbh same.”

mabel is already planning a big royal wedding.

iDK Y BUT I WANT THEM TO FIND OUT THEYVE BEEN ROYALTY ALL THIS TIME??? probably just bc i LOVE that trope!!! but theyre not so its whateves.

so they FINALLY get home. mabel has been writing letters this whole time. to mermanso. to soos and melody. to wendy.

shes the captain of the dip.ifica ship and shes gotta keep her crewmembers in the know!!!

the twins also wrote to the grunks the whole time so!!!! no worries!!!

paz tries writing to her parents...but she can never find the right words.

meeting the grunks isnt as bad as she thought???

stan loves her off the bat. partially bc shes rich and bc she doesnt take shit

ford is pleased to meet the girl he saved and shes v v thankful to him for saving her life as best he could.

it takes her like a YEAR to write the letter.

she promises her parents she’ll return. AFTER shes married.

at this point she and dipper ARE together. they figured all theyre confusion out and are just living the good life!

mabel and wendy are doing the long distance thing. shes still friends w mermando.

robbie and tambry found paz and they write back and forth.

u CAN TAKE ROBBIE AND PAZ SIBLINGS FROM MY DECOMPOSING HANDS!!!

everything is as happily ever after as it can get.

and then dipper proposes despite knowing what it means.

BUT THATS A WHOLE OTHER ADVENTURE!!!!

*end credits roll. an epic theme song starts playing*

[imagine-wannaone]

Noh Taehyun Soulmate Au

First december upload and first Taehyun~

 • When you turned 13 your soulmate sign finally, finally, came into play after years of you waiting,  • Staring at your friends tattoos/words or sympathising with friends who couldn’t see colour, or knew they where going to lose it,  • You loved what your soulmate key was going to be, but you hated the waiting, impatient from a young age,  • But when you reached 13 you knew, now, whatever you wrote on your skin would turn up on your soulmates,  • You waited for a while first, a bit apprehensive and unsure,  • Although you knew this was fate; that most Soulmate signs where perfectly true, you still slightly doubted how this whole thing could possibly work,  • So you waited, jittery about making a move,  • Until you were sat in a class at school, trying to wrap your head around multi-step quadratics when you look down to your book in dispare, but find notes on your hand being quickly scrawled,  • You don’t understand what the equation they’re doing is, or how your soulmate is seemingly easily breezing through this maths, but you stare in wonder as ink seems to grow from your own skin,  • It hypnotizes you, his letters and numbers short and precises and sprouting from one another in a mesmerising pattern, you trace the appearing ink with a finger,  • Once the writing stops, the urge to write back is overwhelming, you stay back, afraid to make a fool of yourself, make your soulmate hate you, before even meeting them,  • So you bring your own pen to your skin, slowly, carefully drawing a perfect smiley face next to the complete working you, a small thumbs up next to it,  • You watch, anticipating whether they’ve seen it, how they’ll react, will they reply?  • Another, smaller, smiling face appears next to yours, a nod to you that they’ve received your graffiti, but it still makes your heart hammer and a smile stretch wide across your face,  • And that was the blossoming start of a relationship quite different to most,  • Normally, when people with this soulmate key turn 13 they immediately write to each other on their skin,  • Asking names and locations and where to meet, usually meeting up within a week,  • But you’ve never been one to go for the normal route, and it actually takes the two of you a few years to Actually meet, and even that’d be by accident,  •  You’re too shy, always afraid that your soulmate wouldn’t like you, and he must feel the same,  • Because you draw sprawling doodles, intricate and detailed and beautiful with your biro in your spare time, and your soulmate sometimes adds bits on themselves,  • They’re not great at drawing, but you still find it utterly adorable,  • Your skin becomes a canvas for both of you, your different writing and coloured pens lacing together smoothly, and even when you run out of skin you find more space on a different arm, different leg,  • Through the few years they grow more and more artsy and delicate and beautiful, learning how to draw with each other,  • Your parents would scream at you for drawing on yourself but sOuLMaTeS,  • You write notes to each other, hidden,  • You wake up to ‘have a good day’  • 'Good luck on your test today’ after having jotted the date down quickly one night,  • ’ Happy birthday’  • 'Today will be a good day, smile a lot’  • Hidden on your neck or behind your knee or even just in your wrist,  • Lmao u cringy as hell but do you care??? Nope,  • You sometimes ask him for help with maths, equations written on your forearm with multiple question marks, to which he shows you step by step how to complete it,  • Or he writes essay questions, and you write your ideas down to help, or you help to describe covalent bonding in atoms,  • lmao You barely know each other but you bond over how hard school is,  • Sometimes one of you get edgy and ask each other questions and it’s like a huge event okay,  • 'What’s your favourite colour?’  • 'Do you like dogs?’  • (A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION)  •  And then over time you get braver,  • 'What’s your name?’  • 'Do you have and sibling?’  • 'How old are you?’  • Like it actually hurts how slow the two of you go and the stupid questions but you’re fine with the pace, and by the looks of it, Taehyun,  • A name you’re now in love with,

  • Is fine with it as well,  • And not to mention all your friends are completely done with you and how star struck you are with this stranger and how slow you move they just wanna find out WhO iT IS so you can stop being so dreamy and Actually spend some quality time with your soulmate,  • Because despite having to wait a while for your sign, it’s one of the best keys out there, making it very easy for you to find your Soulmate,  • So while you stay at your basic level of sweet, fluffy communication, everyone else is dying for u,  • And you become known at school for your soulmate sign,

 • A whole arm or leg or neck or whatever covered with riots of pattern and drawing and stories told by ink pictures, all perfect and beautiful,  • You’re walking art, and you don’t mind showing other people your Beauty,  • I mean the school probably wouldn’t be pleased but honestly? How can they tell someone to prevent their Soulmate key?  • They cANT,  • So then after a good, what,  3-4 years? You’re going on a volleyball training camp, both the girls and boys team attending a get together regularly held in the next city over with a few selected teams to hone everyone’s skills,  • Rumours of a new school joining this year after defeating a regular in a friendly,  • Which makes everyone excited because?? New opponents to try new skills on???  New people to trade game play tactics with??  • You all volleyball nerds Honestly,  • So to pass the time on the bus ride there you doodle down the length of your leg, after no time at all you see another black line join your doodles, a content smile etching itself onto your face,  • You spend a decent amount of time catching up with everyone from the other teams in person, sharing gossip and new matches you watched and being goofy,  • If you’re new to the meetups the rule is you have to play a match against the second newest so everyone can check you out and whatever first yanno, just a right of passage kind of thing,  • So you settle next to some friends on the floor, ready to analyse everything about the new team,

 • Oh how different the match goes,  • The team walks on and it’s when the whistle goes that you notice it,  • The setter of the new team has black sprawling patterns across his left leg, peaking out from his knee pads and shorts, spiraling down his legs in loops and intertwining vines,  • You watch his set, his throws always a little to the left but nothing uncontrollable,  • This guy was your Taehyun, the guy you seemed to have known forever, however untrue that was,  • The guy that made you grin and left cute messages for you to wake up to, your cute fluffy ball,  • Now stood on a court, legs strong and face serious, except for a smile ghosting the sides of his face,  • Your plan on analysing the team went out the window rip,  • But you watch as his team revolved heavily around him, you watch how his eyes scan the court to decide the next steps, effortlessly leading his team,  • You watch his tell tale signs, how his eyes flicker when he’s going to dump, how he signals to his team who he’s going to pass to next,  • Normally you couldn’t pick any of this up, but the boy with ink appearing across his skin, something he obviously proudly shows the world, who makes your heart race at a glance draws your eyes to even his smallest of motion,  • And you’re not the only one who has noticed, in fact everyone has,  • All of the teams at the meet know you well, one of the gatherings’ longest members and someone who nearly always had ink appearing on their skin for everyone to see,  • So as they watch the game, they also send smiles to you, hitting your back in congratulations or hugging you from the side having matched your legs together,  • In fact the only people not to notice seem to be the new team oops,  • You always thought you’d panic, meeting Taehyun, but even just looking at him brings a peace to your heart and a reassuring warmth,  • So when the game ends, with their lose,  • (but that’s chill because the newbie always always lose their first match DW),  • While you have no idea what to say, you don’t feel panic,  • Everyone disperses to play a few organised matches before dinner and then to the dorms, but you wonder towards the new group with a few others to welcome them to the training camp,  • “Taehyun”  • The name rolls off your tongue smoothly as if it was made only for you as his eyes snap to you, smiling in greeting,  • He’s shook™ for a second, before his eyes drop to look you up and down in questioning, where they stay glued to your legs,  • I mean it sounds really weird but it’s not I swear,  •"Y/N?“  • Your name has never sounded so right, so made for you than in that moment, his dark eyes raising to meet yours in question, you get the pleasure of watching it click in his eyes as his face floods with how you feel,  • He wastes no time in pulling you into a tight hug, hands flat on your back as if checking if you’re there for real,  • You copy him, feeling his warmth, your soulmate, under your palms and everything seems right, in your heart and out, and you don’t know how you lived without this sense of fullness you had before,  • And damn if you guys don’t proceed to be the cutest couple at the camp, if not ever tbh,

[brown-rice]

A post about volunteering at AX a month later. Hella long shit under the cut lol

I held off posting about AX b/c I had a lot of uncomfortable, negative emotions going on. Overall, it was a good experience and one I don’t regret since I learned a lot. Now that I’ve waited so long to post tho, I’m not sure if I remember everything clearly lmao. This is going to be hella long, I can feel it.

Day -2: It was actually really stressful for me the first day. I volunteered with Ray, but we were in different departments and carpools. I only really went to AX b/c I wanted to make friends that were into the same things I was, since most of my close friends don’t really watch/read stuff. I was essentially going into my first con alone and although I’m pretty good about being friendly and trying to make friends, I still felt really lonely since I hadn’t clicked with anyone yet. I spent most of that day wandering around with this group of guys I don’t even remember and Nicole who was in my dept. The guys got along really well, really fast, and I tried to talk to Nicole, but she was really difficult to talk to, giving one word answers most of the time. Through the week tho, I learned she was just a really shy person. My carpools were one of my managers (meaning he was hella busy) and a kinda obnoxious person so I just sat around in the old HQ on my phone. It wasn’t until the night meeting that I met David, tall Justin, Leon, and Jordan who were in my dept, as well as each others roommates. Honestly, if I never met these guys, I would have had a horrible time. They were really easy to get along with and let me into their group pretty naturally, and I was surprised that they had all just met that day b/c it seemed like they had known each other a long time based on how they acted. David was essentially the cool-guy, leader of their group. We were joined by short Justin and his old roommate Joseph, and Barney. I got to know them and we all traded contact info and decided to have a drinking party post meeting. Tbh I was incredibly concerned with being the only girl going to drink with a bunch of guys I had just met, even if they were friendly. Joseph and short Justin wanted to buy better drinks and I tagged along and got to know them better. Stuff kinda got out of hand when we found out Joseph’s room was connected to the hotel pool, and short Justin invited everyone at the pool to join us so he could flirt with the girls. Everyone was super nice to me, which was gr8 b/c people kept making me drinks and trying to chat me up lol. I spent a long time laying on Joseph’s bed talking to David which Joseph was mildly annoyed with short Justin and decided to eat an edible to ease his anger. That first night was probably the most drunk I’ve ever been hahahaha

Day -1: The next day wasn’t too much different,sleeping in, just going to meetings/training and getting to know more people. I was a lot less lonely b/c I had an actual group to talk to now. Spent a lot of time talking to short Justin and meeting my new roommate Vanessa. And then we had another drinking party which I can’t really remember the details of. A lot of the dept members still weren’t there, so it was just the usual few. 

Day 0: This was probably the wildest day for me LMAO. Our volunteer work officially starts on Day 1, so I was getting kinda nervous since the con center was actually really big and I had to learn the entire layout to do my job properly. Most of the volunteers in my dept (GOH Control btw) were there now. Our job is to escort VIPs and provide light security when moving them from location to location. We use the back passageways of the convention center to help protect them. As a dept, we went around to every important location and the basic passages to each. Since it was my first time seeing some locations, I still didn’t really know what was where, so when one Kenya (my manager/carpool) asked for people to stay behind and help Sonya (dunno if anyone reads this, but names will just be people in my dept unless stated otherwise) practice giving orders, I volunteered to stay behind. In the end 4 vets: short Justin, Sean, Mono, and Jeff stayed to help 4 new: me, Gary, Nicole, and Robert. We were sent out as a large group and the vets wanted us to lead the way, but it was such a shitstorm. Gary was our lead, but each vet directed him a different way to go and yelled a lot at us, which really wasn’t helpful. We got lost, Robert went to the bathroom without even telling us, and decided to go back to the new HQ. Gary was furious. He demanded that we split into pairs b/c he couldn’t deal with 4 people yelling different things at him, and honestly, I was pretty pissed too and seconded his idea. It was quiet and a little awk since no one really knew each other and didn’t know who to pair off with until short Justin called dibs on me. In my mind it made sense b/c I thought we were p good friends and he was a 3 year vet. Everyone else paired off from there, and we split up to explore the mostly empty con center on our own. 

I was so stressed about trying to figure out and memorize locations that I didn’t really notice Justin trying to hit on me. At first it was just shoulder grabs and hand bumps, but it became hand holding and hip grabs pretty soon. At first I thought that maybe he was just walking really close and he didn’t know it, and he was still doing a pretty good job of showing me around the center with an occasional pick up line here or there (like asking me to the dance), which I took as him just wanting to get to know me as a friend. It didn’t suck when we were holding hands and honestly, his looks are my type and we were into a lot of the same video games, shows, etc. I just didn’t think things were going to escalate so fast. Pretty much done with the tour, he decided to test me/show me his “secret locations” in case of emergency, and looking back on it now, I was pretty dumb to have fallen for that haha. Tbh I was really excited, like wow this guy actually knows his stuff, I’m glad we were paired up together. And then suddenly we’re making out in an elevator. It was alright, neither good or bad, really only a feeling like “oh huh I guess this is happening, I guess we’re making out now.” I broke the kiss to explain that I asexual and that if he wanted to fuck, I was def not his girl. I think he took it as, “hoo boy this young girl is an inexperienced virgin, i’m gonna show her the ropes, etc.” We wandered around more, stopping to make out more and more frequently, and as it went on, I felt more flustered, nervous, and uncomfortable b/c it seemed like everything was going a bit too fast for me. Making out now included grinding and ass grabs which weren’t bad, they just weren’t goo either. Every time, I broke the kiss sooner and sooner, apologizing more and more, and IDK why I always apologize for being inexperienced/not putting out even when I know I don’t owe the guy anything. I knew he was getting more upset each time I stopped, and tbh if I was him, I’d be mad too. We eventually split after his best friend came to get him, and I had to meet up with my roommates to see a panel. I was so emotionally drained that I actually called Landon to vent to him, and I still feel shitty about having to do that. When my roommates found me, they could tell something was up, and I explained the situation to them. We went to the panel, but they had late volunteer shifts in their departments, so I decided to go around what parts of the con were open by myself. The panel was so funny, but not enough to take my mind off of what just happened. Eventually I met this guy named Henry who asked me if there was anything good to see at like 10 PM. He said he was looking around for business and eventually handed me a business card after I showed him a probably skeptical face LOL. He asked for social media in order to see some panels with me and I gave him my fb after deciding he was harmless. He never did message me to see something with him, but did wish me happy birthday. I don’t think I went to any drinking party that night. I was so beyond flustered aaaaaaa.

Day 1: An early morning and the first day we wore suits!!!! Since we’re security, we have a dress code of wearing suits on Day 1 and 4, while the other days are business casual. Volunteering was a lot of fun, job-wise. I enjoyed walking around and escorting a lot for some reason. No problems there really. When I got there, I had my first escort job solo and I was a little nervous. Which didn’t really help that my guest literally ran in front of me and I had to chase after his ass in my heels. Justin looked damn good in his suit, tho tbh there were a few other attractive boys and I thank the lord for our dress code LOL. Anyway, short Justin spent the whole day ignoring me and hitting on Sonya, which hurt more than I expected. I hadn’t actually rejected Justin either, but he only spoke to me when I offered people food or if we were sent on escort jobs together, which actually ended up being often. We were supposed to go to the overwatch panel together, but didn’t. Sonya and I started hanging out as the only 2 girls on shift who actually talked, and when she started complaining about Justin’s advances on her, I came clean about what happened between Justin and I b/c I wanted to vent. While I was starting to develop feelings for Justin and actually feeling jealous over him flirting with other girls, I felt more sad about losing a good friend (b/c we were into the same things, tho who knows, maybe he was lying idk). While venting in some secret code to Sonya, across the table Luis was trying to put the pieces together and eventually became interested in the convo as was Toshi, since we were around Justin and the other managers, Sonya and I stated it was just some story. Toshi, Gary, David, and I were eventually sent on an escort mission and I accidentally let slip that I had been hit on by other guys (I was so frustrated about the Justin situation and there had been a few harmless attendees who hit on me as well). David and Gary left to go hit on girls/take pictures with cosplayers, so Toshi asked me what the story was and I ended up unloading all of my problems onto this poor, unsuspecting boy. We went around the con together and talked, and found out we both liked BNHA, and it was such a good friendship b/c he was kinda into Sonya and I was trying to deal with whatever feelings I had for Justin, so it was just, idk, nice to be able to talk to someone and not worry about advances????

Toshi, Leon, and I were the only underage kids that actually hung out and went to the night parties. After getting to know Toshi, I learned that he wanted to get hella lit and I knew that there would be more parties. I went around and impulse bought a poster and spent time trying to go to some panels. When the shifts were over, I went back to the hotel hung around with David’s crew and spent the rest of the night chilling with my roommates. David then messaged me asking me to the dance, and I tried to deflect him since I was still into Justin. I think that day we also almost made the mangaka of Shoukugeki no Soma cry??? b/c he loved how we escorted him hahahaha

Day 2: Not really anything special, just more of the same kinda stuff as day 1. I spent so much money and time in artist alley RIP. Wake up early, do the escorting, explore con during free time, drinking party at night. Gary asks me out to coffee. Still mild jealousy over Justin, but I treated him as a friend like normal. I did some jobs and got candy and a free autograph!! which was rly nice of the people.My sister and her friend came, so we got some boba, and when I got back to the con center I walked from the con center to the hotel with the squad b/c they didn’t feel like waiting for a shuttle. it was tiring but a lot of fun. Since there wasn’t too much that day, everyone wanted to have a big drinking party, and Toshi was super excited b/c his goal was to get mad lit, and I went to keep an eye on him. On the shuttle, he and Sonya, who were now pretty close, both asked me if Justin was still bothering me, and I didn’t notice Luis and Joseph sitting behind us on the mostly empty shuttle, listening. They asked me about what happened and imparted wisdom from their age LOL. The people who I vented to then became Luis, Sonya, Joseph, and Toshi. Unrelated, David didn’t talk to me as much as he used to either. He flirted with a lot more girls in front of me, and Toshi and Luis said he was trying to make me jealous. I don’t get jealous ever, the stuff with short Justin was the first time that it happened to me tbh. Leon, Toshi and I are 19, compared to the rest of the dept who are 22+. It was a pretty fun night, since ofc I kept getting free drinks again, good stories, good people. 

Day 3: Not much different job wise, but I spent all my break time walking around, so i was exhausted when I had to go back, which was really dumb of me. Met up with Roman and Leinad and went around artist alley some more. Before I came back I bought some food from the Persona 5 food truck which was really good, but this creepy guy bombarded me with questions. He started off with asking my age and saying I looked young which was an instant red flag. His persistence and advances made me really uncomfortable and while I did get hit on quite a bit throughout AX, this guy was probably the worst. Leon asked me out to the neon district show and I softly turn him down. I was sent to the rooftop bar to help escort guests, but they sent me back after finding out I couldn’t drink. I decided to stay in HQ watching David and tall Justin’s stuff b/c they were going to be at the bar after we were done for the day. I thought I was just being nice, but apparently not??? When David and tall Justin get back, David tells me that he got me into the bar. That he gave away as exclusive lanyard to get me in. And ofc I’m like???/ Why???? would you do that for me???? And he just says that he wants me to see the bar, and enjoy stuff at my first con. I can’t really turn him down after he gave away his lanyard for me, so I go to the bar, they mark my hand so that I don’t drink. It was fun seeing my managers get wasted and seeing VIPs shred the dance floor tho. Luis was there and kind of questions why I’m with David, and I get a lot of questions asking if I’m his girlfriend or not. When we get back to the hotel and check discord, Gary was upset that he missed the previous party that was a lot of fun so we threw another one. A lot of shit happened. The guys thought it would be funny to invite tall Justin’s crush to the party. Tall Justin is kinda an asshole, but I learned that he was a nice guy who put up a tough douche facade in order to not look weak in front of the other guys. When he finds out that they invite her, he storms out of the party, and I felt so bad that I chased after him, and Luis chases after me, though we come back after we can’t find him. Regi gave me some boba, so I didn’t drink that much that night, Toshi had to be restrained because he was drinking too much. I messaged David to come and tell Luis and Joseph about what happened. Jeanette takes 6 shots too many after David arrives. David flirts with tall justin’s girl to make me jealous. Eventually the shuttles stop and a couple of us decide to take the last shuttle. That night was one I’ll never forget. I was pretty drunk, and Jeanette was so gone it was so funny. Tall Justin holds Jeanette up and escorts her back, I’m mostly fine, but Luis watches out for me anyway. Mono helps Toshi, and Robert comes with us. The rest decide they’ll take an Uber later. As soon as we exit the door, Jeanette falls down and asks for water, I run back inside to get her some water, find out there’s none left and then Jeanette finds her water bottle in her shorts. Tall Justin can barely hold her up and struggles to drag her to the shuttle stop. We eventually lose Mono, Robert, and Toshi, and get on a different shuttle. Jeanette can’t even sit up and flops all over Justin, while Luis and I are losing it in the seat behind them. Once we get to the hotel, Jeanette falls on the ground in front of her room and we try to find her room key in her pockets and it ends up being demagnetized, I start running downstairs and almost trip myself, Luis yelling behind me, we get back, open the door and try to be as quiet as possible since everyone in the room is asleep. I’m holding the room door open and Jeanette complains about using the bathroom so Justin opens the door for her, but she locks herself in. After Justin finally gets her out of the room, Jeanette starts calling for Luis over and over and over. At this point I just lose it and slide to the ground, trying to keep my laughs quiet. Luis walks away from door and goes down the hall, trying not to laugh himself. Meanwhile tall Justin is whisper-yelling at us that we’re so useless. After we finally get jeanette into bed and close the door, Luis and I bust up laughing while Justin tells us that he’s never drinking with us ever again.

Day 4: A very slow day. A late shift for me, so I spent the rest of my time looking for stuff in artist alley tho I decide to cut my free time early and start going on escorts even tho I don’t need to. Last day of suits and a bunch of us leave to go see the Cowboy Bebop concert. I get sent with short Justin on an awkward coffee run. I end up stuck with Joseph, Regi, Jeff, and short Justin who decide that they shouldn’t leave me by myself, which was p nice. I didn’t know if my ride wanted to go to the AX volunteer bowling after-party, and we all decide to go. Outside I meet David’s friend Josh, who takes it upon himself to talk to me and even volunteer to escort me to the after-party. The other guys look kind of worried and walk a little bit ahead of us. When we get there, Josh says goodbye and gives me his raffle tickets. It ends up being me, Jeff, Joseph, short Justin, Mono, Robert, Daisy, Jeanette, Eric + his gf, and Luis as the crew. Justin and I have a friendly rivalry as we bowl. I get to know Daisy a little bit more and wait for my carpool to be done with his work. When Kenya gets there, we say goodbye, and everyone hugs, with Justin squeezing me for a long time and whispering to keep in touch that I don’t respond to. On the way home, we get lost trying to find an open Starbucks before Kenya loses his mind. 

Post-AX, there were a lot of post-con depression feels since I ended up missing everyone hahah. I did get to hang out with Jeanette, Daisy, Joseph, and David once to get curry which was super fun, and Jordan, tall Justin, Joseph, David, Jeanette, and a few others messaged me for a good month before we both got lazy. I met a lot of good people, made a lot of good friends, bought a lot of sweet merch, learned some lessons, and enjoyed escorting. Overall, it was a really good time. I guess the biggest downside is the romantic aspect, but I guess that was just whats happens when you’re one of the only friendly, young girls in a dept. full of guys. It was nice getting free drinks tho. Tall Justin asked me out on a date over text, and when I said nah he tried to play it off like he didn’t mean to say date. Idk why Jordan messaged me after con, we didn’t really talk too much during. David still messages me and idk if it’s as friends or not. I guess the thing that I hated the most was that I couldn’t tell who was being a friend and who was hitting on me anymore. And it hurt a lot to know that people didn’t actually care who I was and only liked me because I was a young, fresh face that they thought they could teach, and then when it didn’t go well, they just stopped being friends. I came to make friends, and ofc I knew romance was a possibility, but everyone was essentially my co-worker, so why not try to get along even after the romance doesn’t work????? I just don’t get it. I’m quite thankful for Joseph tho, we ended up being pretty good friends and had some pretty interesting/deep convos. I just wish people were closer to hang out with. I’ll probably volunteer next year if nothing gets in my way as far as possible school/work. I really enjoyed the escorting, panels, and art I got to see tho!!!! I also just wish I had like even 1 friend to go with, ‘cause Ray ended up being p busy as well and our schedules didn’t always line up. 

Hopefully next year is better, and I should def be more careful.