#tbh i struggle to write characters who want to have sex with other people at all. can't relate

[podcastenthusiast]

A fic featuring: ace Geralt, some trauma, discussion of consent, and a whole lot of love.

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Touch is difficult for Geralt. Desire, too; witchers are made to want nothing except to serve their purpose. He wants even less, yet somehow more than he should.

He's been known to spend months, even years, on the Path with only Roach for company. Never touching anyone beyond the brush of hands as coins are exchanged. He will go to brothels occasionally--let the whores trace his scars, cataloging each one like it's evidence of something, asking for the story behind it. He satisfies their curiosity and fucks them, too, because he knows how this transaction works, what is expected. He gives them whatever they want, and takes what pleasure he's supposed to. It's too much and it's over too soon.

Sometimes he leaves the brothel feeling lighter, almost like a person. Other times he is empty, bereft of that warmth, and unsure why he can't feel the way others do.

Geralt has theories. He keeps them to himself. Doesn't even tell Roach.

One theory goes like this: witchers are rendered sterile by the mutations, and Geralt was given an extra dose. Maybe that stripped away his sexual desire as well as his capacity to procreate. Or maybe it's still in there somewhere, buried deep along with a majority of his emotions and the kid he once was.

Maybe it has nothing to do with being a witcher at all. His brothers don't seem to share the same experience.

And Jaskier isn't at all like him; he loves fiercely and loudly. Jumps into bed with practically anyone who's willing. He will meet a barmaid and perform a ballad he wrote about her all in the same evening.

So it shouldn't be a surprise that Jaskier's soft heart has room in it for Geralt, too, but it is. It's also a surprise when the bard stays, like no one ever has before.

They share a bed now, as they have many times, but it's different as lovers. At first Geralt assumes Jaskier simply wants sex, and is fine with giving him what he needs.

But the bard loves to please others. Jaskier asks what he wants, and Geralt replies, "Nothing."

Truer than it's ever been, in this context.

"Everyone wants something. Even you."

"I..."

I just want you to stay. He can't say it. He is a creature defined by what he lacks--desires, fears, feelings, humanity. He has little to offer Jaskier or Yennefer or anyone else, just danger or a quick fuck. It isn't enough. He has no business asking for anything. He was made to be useful.

"Geralt?"

"Hm?"

"That's all right. We'll figure it out together. For now let's take things slow, yeah?"

"Been twenty years."

"And I wouldn't trade them for all the wine in Toussaint. But this--" He kisses Geralt's neck. "--is new."

"Hmm."

"I just want you to be comfortable, dear witcher."

"Why wouldn't I be?"

It's too quick. Defensive. Like parrying before your opponent even draws their sword.

"Well...I know you feel things differently." Fuck. Fuck! He knows. "Heightened senses and all that. I imagine it could make certain things...a bit intense."

He doesn't know. He can't.

"I'll be fine."

"And if we do have sex, I want it to be good for you. Because...honestly, Geralt, you deserve pleasant things, more than you know. You always say you don't want anything."

"I don't."

"And that scares me to death, darling." Jaskier's voice is low, suddenly breaking. "There's no shortage of awful people out there who will at best take that as an invitation not to care, or at worst to hurt you."

The wolf inside him snarls. He's not weak. Witchers might be harmed in battle, never in bed. But he takes a breath and tries to hear what Jaskier is really saying. He owes him an attempt at decent communication.

"Jaskier," he says. "You'd never hurt me."

"Not intentionally, no, which is why I need you to talk to me. Tell me if I ever do something you don't like, even if you've liked it in the past, and I'll stop."

Jaskier's calloused fingers idly trace a scar below his collarbone. He won't ask about its origin because he doesn't need to; he was there. Geralt's muscles grow tense even so.

"Stop," he snaps before he can think better of it. Jaskier stops immediately. His hands withdraw from the witcher's skin, and Geralt knows he just fucked up everything. He couldn't bear even that and now his bard is never going to touch him again and so few are unafraid, fewer still truly know him--

"Thank you," Jaskier says. He doesn't sound angry or upset. He sounds almost proud. "Can I ask-- Are you feeling overwhelmed emotionally, or was it the touching? And don't you dare give me that tired 'witchers don't have feelings' line right now."

"Touch," Geralt manages although, if he were honest, it's both.

There are times he can't stand to be touched at all, Jaskier has seen that-- after a hunt, when the lingering effects of his potions make the world feel impossibly sharp. But there are other times. There are safe people and places and Jaskier never looks at him like he's a curiosity, an inhuman thing, but Geralt's body doesn't always know that.

"You don't want to be touched right now?"

Geralt shakes his head. Then shrugs. Nods.

"I really need some words here, love."

"It's. The scars."

"Oh. Gods, I'm sorry. Do they hurt?"

Scars trouble him the least of his old wounds. They itch, sometimes, but they don't hurt in the way, for example, his knee aches when it's going to rain. Scars are an absence of pain. Of anything. Sometimes a reminder.

"No. Just numb." He takes a breath. Averts his eyes and counts the stitches on the blanket. "Most people I'm with... it's all they see. Like to touch the scars. I can't feel it. They ask questions; I tell them or I don't. Over either way."

They leave, he means. Or he leaves first. That fucking mountain. He's run out of words. His throat feels tight.

When he looks up again, Jaskier's eyes brim with tears.

"You are so much more than that to me, dear heart."

"I know," Geralt says, and finds that, quite unexpectedly, he believes it.

"Is-- Would a hug be okay? Honest answer only."

Geralt nods, and the bard pulls him in close.

"You know," says Jaskier after a while. He never could let silence remain unfilled. Geralt is grateful. "There are artists who mend pottery by carefully filling the cracks with gold. It's beautiful."

"Sounds excessive. Just make another bowl."

"It adds to the complexity, the beauty of the whole. I'm trying to say that's how I see you."

"As broken pottery to fix?"

"Gods, no. As someone who's survived so much, and is very dear to me. But your scars, your lovely eyes and your hair, all of it-- They're not everything you are, nor is witchering, despite what ignorant fools or careless bed partners may think."

But Jaskier has mended something. His reputation, for a start. His wounds on numerous occasions. And... more than that, besides, he thinks.

When Geralt finally does tell Jaskier the truth about his desires, or lack thereof, he'll think about that and form a new theory. Maybe he isn't a broken thing after all, and even if he is, maybe that can be okay.

[pong03]

Kaito character analysis

Let's start light before I get more into the conspiracy theorist ramblings. in nsfw stuff I have read I feel like he is commonly misunderstood. I have read a lot where he is hasty, unemotional and self-serving... although I can see where hasty and lazy may come from but, think about: Kaito towards MC focuses on making her happy and although not always successful it is his main goal, BUT to write him as UNEMOTIONAL.

Y'all he is the most emotional of any man in the whole series. especially, in a first time headcanon post he should not be written as unemotional... we all know he would be crying and being like "MC you're such an angel boo hoo" and "I'm so glad I had my first time with you." he might be quick to finish but I think he would very guilty and put effort towards making it up to MC as soon as he was physically able. ALSO one thing I read he just was written as giving no aftercare,,, sorry am I the crazy one to say Kaito (most of frostheim) would be the most into aftercare?? His grandma always told him blah blah blah.. to him sex wouldn't even parallel to the aftercare experience, and tbh dude would be the one to need it the most. Tell me he wouldn't do everything the MC told him too and if was even slightly degrading to her he would be SOBBING afterwards all like "I'm sorry I said all that mean stuff, I know you asked but I don't believe any of it. You're SOOO NICE." You can't disagree with me yk I'm right. Okay.. I'm like trying to keep this part short but kind of failed. Obviously your head canons are what you're entitled to... just I feel like a lot of people admit to struggling to write him so maybe they'd preesh a post like this. HML if you want Kaito advice ig okay, admittedly this second part is a bit in-depth... like could be a reach but I have A LOT of evidence so hear me out. We all know Kaito hates being a ghoul and is considerably weaker willed than the other ghouls, he is also raised by his grandma. We can assume this because she is the ONLY family member he talks about (on the home screen and in the story) and the process of becoming a ghoul is intense right? Something that would be surprising if he regrets becoming one and is the big ol baby that he is. I think that Kaito's parents are the ones who made the deal, and they didn't survive. He was born to a poor family we know this because he talks about it all the time. SO my personal thought is he was born to a single mother who didn't have any funds to raise him even with the grandmother's help, so she wishes for greatness for her baby, and makes a deal with a devil to protect her child. Because we know he doesn't have the academics to get in Frostheim and he probably was not open about being a ghoul, it's a hoe-scaring quality. So I think he's basically got assigned-plot-armor-at-birth. and basically the demon could be kind of like how luca's monster is possibly his brother, and his mom's soul in entwined with a demon's (like a ghoul's would be) and basically they co-parent him which would explain why his stigma is so weak comparatively to other ghouls. this is more exploratory, but what I truly BELIEVE bare bones is: Kaito's parents are the one's who made the deal. That's it that's all I truly believe in and everything else is speculative. I just think it would be cool especially because I think the process of becoming a ghoul is left especially vague for this purpose. Hehe let me know what you think about this and other things that you personally think about kaito! I'm really curious about other fan's thoughts.

[nyoomerr]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤

thank you for thinking of me as a favorite author you'd want to pass this on to <3

right now, i'd probably say the fics that i'm most pleased with are (not in any order outside of "what was published most recently") -

stuffed with fluff (and blood and bones and rage) in which bingge is forced to watch without doing anything as sy critiques and obsesses over his life, eventually becoming obsessed with sy's own obsession of him. i struggle a lot with lbh POVs, and right now, i think this is the best one i've done, so i'm happy :>

raised by winter winds in which a sy that was half-raised by sj grapples with the past affection he's felt for sj pitted against the knowledge that sj has hurt a lot of people, including sy's new favorite manipulative little shidi, lbh. in the past, i've not really bothered to put much effort into writing sj tbh - i've used him as a convenient plot point in binggeyuan's relationship before, but that's about it. this fic i considered it more seriously, and i think sums up all my feelings about sj as a character quite nicely. i ended up rly liking the overall melancholy tone of this fic too :')

if you don't have your own boyfriend, rented is fine in which bingge reverse transmigrates to chase after the "nice" shizun he met... but doesn't recognize sy for who he is, and the misunderstanding is only made worse when sy mistakes bingge for a cosplayer. neither of them realize the truth of the matter until they've grown to care for each other and choose each other regardless. ik that probably no one wants to hear this, but i don't really like "to love another (and to learn yourself)" much anymore 🙈 it's been years since i wrote it, and since then both my writing style and preferences for how binggeyuan are characterized have shifted fairly dramatically. this rent a bingge fic was really satisfying to write as proof to myself that i can write a "bingge finds his own sy" longfic in a way that i do like, now.

i'll be your boy backstage in which a transmigrated-into-an-NPC shen yuan only finds bingge long after the story is over, and after the ge vs mei extra has happened. bingge latches on to sy quickly, but even after he figures it out, sy has very different expectations for what a relationship might look like. the conversation at the end of this fic where sy tries to work through his asexuality with bingge was very cathartic for me. i'd love to one day do a much longer fic in which bingge, who has been taught his whole life that love is expressed through sex, falls for ace!sy and struggles with it. i think it would have to be bingge's pov to be most impactful, though, so i've been putting it off >.>;;

shallow water weather in which mer!binghe joins mer!shen yuan's pod, and as soon as he knows sy has the capacity to genuinely care for him, skips straight from "unfriendly acquaintance" to "courtship partner." i'm a really big fan of creature AUs in which the characters' behaviors are influenced a lot by creature instincts and behavior, so all the mer behavior in this one is super self indulgent hehe

...it's perhaps not a surprise that most of my self favorites are the most recent ones i've written. every step you take is an improvement, etc etc. anyway, thank you again for thinking of me when you sent this ask in, and i apologize for how long it took me to get to it!

[yutasbellybuttonpiercing]

Kinktober Day 04

Role Play: Sexual Roleplaying involves acting out various sex scenarios with a partner while one or both parties are in character.

Pairing: Na Jaemin x fem!reader

AU/Genre: smut, established relationship, non-idol!au, humor...?

Word Count: 1649 words

Warnings: oral and fingering (f receiving), role played cheating???, that poor imaginary bf gets kinda slandered tbh, Na Jaemin has a big dick, lowkey size kink, dirty talk, Reader is not good at comforting, please don't do this. For humorist purposes, it works in this story, but... sorry, I'm giggling as I'm typing this out. Just don't do this.

A/n: this is the absurdest thing I've ever written, and I actually screamed while writing it, but I wanted to try something new, so here it is. *forces a smile*

Taglist: @matchahyuck @seraphinealana @ker00 @allaboutthedongs @baehaechannie @iwannabreathetosetmefree @positionslab @jjenodream @kundann

One could call you many bad things, for example messy because don't clean your room all the time, or inefficient when instead of working, you tap away on your phone one hour before lunch at the office, or even unfashionable for buying that one coat last fall – ugh. But there's one thing people can't say about you, and that's you being a bad girlfriend.

You are the girlfriend of Na Jaemin who is basically the love of your life, as cliché as that might sound. You met in primary school, crushed on each other during middle school, fell in love in high school, and started dating right after. There's not a thing that he doesn't know about you, and there's not a thing that you don't know about him. You trust each other, are attached by the hip, and love each other unconditionally.

Which leads to one tiny problem. Sharing a housing and a heart, you can obviously tell if Jaemin's feeling down, and that inevitably affects you as well. This time, it's something rather big and serious, and you've struggled quite the while with how to deal with it.

Jaemin always wanted to become a doctor. Ever since the day you met, he told you about how exciting it must be to save people's lives on the daily, how it must feel to be a literal hero. You'd always agreed and supported him, even when he realized that being a doctor is much more than just saving lives and feeling great, or when finals came around and you had to help him study like crazy to keep his grades high enough for medical school.

The crushing realization had dawned on him for quite some time, hence he's always avoided that topic with his parents. He knew that they'd probably want him to take over their company once he's old enough, and would therefore not support his dream of being a doctor (and yes, you've had a few outbursts of anger because who the fuck wouldn't prefer a doctor as a son?!).

Jaemin had always dreaded that day, and when it finally came along, he wasn't surprised. But that didn't make him any less disappointed.

Fast forward half a year, and Jaemin's grown accustomed to the lifestyle that comes with working at his father's company, he seems happy even, bringing home fun stories to tell over dinner.

You still feel like there's something missing.

And that brings us back to why people could never call you a bad girlfriend.

"Honey, I'm home," it sounds from the hallway, announcing the arrival of your sweet boyfriend Jaemin. You grin as you hear him take off his shoes and socks before stepping into the living room. He calls out for you again, the soft smacking of his naked soles against the wooden floor coming closer to the bedroom door.

"Baby?"

"Doctor, finally," you sigh, placing the back of your hand on your forehead. You're laying down on your bed, but you've removed all of the pillows and blankets and put out a big towel instead. Besides that, you're also wearing a hospital gown, and you just hope that this works and Jaemin never tries to guess where you got it.

"What are you doing?" Jaemin asks in amusement.

"Doctor, I really, really need your help. You have to save me, please," you whine, proud of your performance as you raise your head to watch Jaemin step towards you.

You clear your throat, "um, I think you should wear your coat, don't you think? It's hanging over there," you point at the white fabric that dangles from the clothing hanger attached to your wardrobe.

Jaemin chuckles, but complies, putting the thing on before turning back to you. You gulp, and mentally scold his parents for not letting him look like this every day of his life. "What seems to be the problem, b- uhh Miss?"

You suppress a smile, then clear your throat once again to get back into your role. "Well, I've never told anyone this before, but I think there might be something wrong with me."

"Ah, don't worry. There is probably nothing wrong with you, but I can surely check."

"Please, it's urgent. I can't concentrate anymore... the problem is that I can't cum," you lie, giving him the most innocent eyes you can muster. Jaemin presses his lips together, assumingely to hide his amusement before he catches himself.

"I'm sure a pretty girl like you has a boyfriend to take care of that."

"Unfortunately, no," you lie again, lips quivering. "I really need your help, Doctor."

"If that's all, I'm sure I can help you out with your problem. Though, due to the fact that this condition is a highly unusual thing for me to treat, your insurance won't cover the costs," Jaemin says, putting on a fake concerned expression as he raises his eyebrows.

"Please, I'll do anything! Tell me what I can do."

"Well, why don't we trade this fairly, one orgasm for another. Does that sound like a deal to you, Miss?"

You nod your head quickly.

"Okay, I will begin my treatment, then. Tell me if anything hurts, alright?"

"Mhm, yes!" Excitement bubbles through your veins as Jaemin steps even closer, looking at you.

"You're going to have to undress for me, Miss, or else I can't start with my examination."

"Oh, of course," you chirp, quickly ripping the gown off your body to reveal your bare body to Jaemin's eyes, who sucks in a breath at the sight. He studies your form as if it's really his first time seeing it, and you get even more aroused at the sight.

"No boyfriend, huh? What a shame. Or could it be that you actually do have one, but he can't satisfy you? That must be it, right?" Jaemin says, finally laying a hand on the soft skin of your thigh. The look in his eyes tells you exactly where he wants this to go.

"I'm sorry, Doctor. I lied. Yes, you are correct. He just can't make me cum," you nod, biting your lower lip between your teeth.

"I knew it. What a naughty girl you are, letting another man touch you just because you're so greedy for an orgasm," Jaemin speaks lowly, a smile forming on his face that he can't hold back.

"Yes, I'm so, so naughty," you whisper, breath hitching as his hands travel over your exposed thighs.

"Then why don't you spread your legs and let me get to work? What do you prefer, tongue or fingers?"

"Doctor!" You moan at his lewd words, spreading your thighs immediately, then quietly add, "both..."

"Both it is," Jaemin mumbles, creating eye contact with you as he leans down to lick a fat stripe over your folds. You shiver, moaning out loudly at the sensation.

"Shh," Jaemin hushes you, "don't want anyone else in my office hearing what's going on in here, now do we?"

"N-no, I'm sorry," you mewl as he starts sucking on your clit, one of his fingers prodding at your entrance before slowly slipping inside. Your eyes roll back, fingers digging into the towel beneath you. Unfortunately for this role play, Jaemin knows exactly how to touch you, meaning you're nearing your orgasm faster than you'd hoped.

"S-stop, Doctor!"

He does, pulling back to take in your already fucked out form. "What is it? Are you cumming already?"

"N- uh- no! N-no! I wanted to say that- uh, this isn't working and we, um, should try something else..." You're actually proud of yourself for that lie.

"I see," Jaemin grins knowingly, but sits up anyway. "What else would you like to try?"

"Um... maybe you could f-fuck me?"

"Oh, fuck you?" Jaemin says loudly, making you feel a little embarrassed in the best way possible.

"Y-yes... you see, my boyfriend has a, um, a really small dick, it just can't satisfy me. And looking at you, I bet that yours is really, really big," you confess, batting your lashes at him who just grins. He gets up and takes off his pants to reveal the bulge that has formed in his boxers.

"Is this what you had in mind?"

"Mhm, yes. Fuck, Doctor, you're so big. Doesn't it get in the way of your work sometimes?"

Jaemin can't hold back a snicker, "sometimes."

He climbs over you to sit in between your spread legs, stroking himself a few times. You can feel your arousal dripping from your hole to soak into the towel. Both you and Jaemin know, though, that prepping you with only one of his fingers was not really enough to get you ready for him, and that thought excites you even more.

"I don't know if I can take it, Doctor," you admit, spreading your legs a little further for him.

"Oh, I know you can," Jaemin mumbles, lining himself up with your hole. Excitement rushes over your body, and you clench around nothing but the very tip of him as he slowly pushes insides.

With a loud groan from your throat, your walls struggle to adjust. He stretches you out further and further, his thumb on your clit just fueling into your orgasm.

"Doctor, I'm-" is all you can bring out before you feel yourself clamming down on his cock repeatedly. Your cheeks burn with blush as you cum just from him pushing his incredible size inside, your agape mouth letting some drool escape.

"Atta girl," Jaemin praises, as all you can respond with is a chorus of curse words.

"T-thank you, Doctor, f-finally," you stutter, completely overwhelmed with feeling so full, even though you've taken him hundreds of times.

"You came so good," Jaemin coos, bringing a hand up to stroke a strand of hair out of your face, "I bet you can do it again."

© 2022 YUTASBELLYBUTTONPIERCING all rights reserved — please DO NOT translate, take, nor repost any of my works.

[justanotherhh]

@girlbossradiodemon: Queerness as an insight into humanity. I am curious what that means.

heya, hope it's ok to move your question to a new post, because it gave me an opportunity to ramble about something I've been thinking about -- so we'll call this post:

hazbin hotel, aroace alastor, and complicating redemption

cannot remember how i phrased it in the original post, but the main crux of the idea about queerness as humanising is "when does horror and villainy use queerness as a shorthand for Other/deviant and when are those thing subverted"

in terms of alastor specifically, aspec identity (especially the kind that is on the repulsed side of things) is often used -- without people knowing they're even describing real experiences and identities -- as a way of describing a lack of feeling, a lack of empathy, a lack of connection with other human beings, as a way of signposting "this is going to be a Bad Guy, look at this person who can't engage in the Universal Human Experience Of Love (sometimes with the prerequisite desire for sex, and sometimes it's the just-wanting-sex-but-not-love that's the Evil Code)"

note here, of course, that a lack of empathy also shouldn't be a shorthand for evil! the word "psychopath" generally needs to be put on a high shelf for anyone writing anything unless they can prove they know what in the world they're talking about!!

with alastor, when reading with the aroace hat on, we get an insight into how he does relate to other people. rather than going "he's so evil he can't love," it's opening up questions about what sort of connections he does form with people, and how those are complex, and possibly there's a lot of backstory there -- that's part of the whole story we're seeing with pretty much all the main characters: "misfits who have struggled to form connections because of their specific brands of Weirdness (and also they're in hell)"

now something im interested in with him being aspec, is how the show also to an extent deconstructs the ideas that being alloromantic and allosexual are necessarily indicators of goodness, and could go a lot further in future, if it wanted to -- this works better because almost all the characters in this show are queer (and tbh, until niffty is confirmed to be allorom, i am hc'ing her as aro), and so there's much less risk of falling into the trap of "deviant sexualities vs normal sexualities" that even some shows with queer characters fall for, because they still set up monogamous, allosexual relationships as More Correct vs Other Kinds Of Queerness That Is Bad

in the hellaverse, being kinky isn't semiotics for evil, being poly isn't semiotics for evil, being arocoded isn't semiotics for evil, etcetc.

being aspec is a difficult pill for a lot of people to swallow, including other queers, especially aromanticism, and so it's neat to consider the potential of portraying depictions of love and sex that are healthy (charlie and vaggie, pentious and cherri bomb, etc) next to depictions of love and sex that are unhealthy/toxic/abusive (valentino's and vox's ways of interacting with these things) next to depictions of not-love and not-sex that are complex and (i hope) indicators of how to get to know a character better, rather than villainising or simplifying a character. that maybe initially a character like charlie (amongst others) might not get it, but that's something she needs to sort out, not alastor

it's another way the show could go a step deeper into deconstructing how we take in ideas about "goodness" in narrative and in life based on simple clichés, for example the idea that "love redeems you" -- well, what if you don't love? and what if you do love, but that's not an indicator of goodness at all? is "love" in fact an all-encompassing positive force in the first place? why do we place it on this pedestal?

in many ways the potential of alastor through being aroace, reminds me a little of how we see angel in season 1. he's introduced a Certain way -- as shallow, as someone who doesn't put the work in, as someone who "doesn't care," -- and these narratives are enforced diagetically and non-diagetically by showing that he's an addict and a sex worker. a lot of the scenes related to drugs and sex work and kinky sex are funny (crack is expensive), and/or are met with disgust by the main characters (the sex dungeon), are considered things he needs to overcome in order to be worthy of redemption (the roleplay with sir pentious)...

and then those things are pulled apart, and both narrative and characters go: "what's wrong with being a sex-worker? what's wrong with being an addict? hell, what's wrong with liking sex???" and through that "why does he need to prove himself to be redeemed?" and i predict, eventually, already heading in that direction "why even need to be redeemed when the problem is the black-and-white morality of pure goodness/badness to begin with?????"

and i think alastor being aroace could play a cool part in that. it's not love that makes alastor human, and it's certainly not sex. it's how he interacts with not fitting into those normative boxes, and how other characters, hopefully, eventually, will learn to see things from his perspective (at least, in this case)

the whole the idea of "queerness as an insight into humanity" is something both hazbin and helluva do really well, because of their portraying queerness as a given, as the thing that it simply is how these characters interact with the world -- whether good or bad or somewhere in between, the characters' queerness invites us to ask questions about them, and i think some characters offer that opportunity even more starkly than others...

i mean alastor of course. keeper of the aroace Themes.

so yeah. aroace as humanising. love doesn't mean goodness. what even does redemption mean?

[bloodtwin]

👨‍❤️‍👨 !

send me a 💑 if we ship our muses together and i'll tell you why i love our ship! if we aren't shipping our muses together but want to, send me a 💘 and i'll give you my first impressions of the ship source: here.

*cracks knuckles* okay,

so fun fact about me. the movie that has fundamentally shaped the way i write characters or stories is beauty and the beast. so just do with that information what you will.

i joke that puck does not have a type (he doesnt. not really) BUT if he did, babsi is That. this is because she is the most prey animal creature in all of history. something something me & mr wolf. the struggle between wanting to take care of her & wanting to eat her is very real for my boy. quite funny... and also sexy.

their relationship is also a beautiful comedy of errors. everything that happens to them is the most hilarious & most embarrassing thing i have ever seen in my life.

again, HUGE fan of the opposites attract thing going on with them too. best ship concept ever. they have vastly different life experiences. seem to have almost nothing in common yet they mesh so well.

i think babsi is quite charmed by his gentle giant swag. he's a little gentleman is the thing. he's kind of got this almost knight-in-shining-armor vibe but not quite because he's more like a possessive, deranged, rabid guard dog who tries to act like he's just a little, innocent puppy. he's also definitely subconsciously protecting her in the same way a predator protects its prey from... other predators. but he doesn't know that <3

puck really adores just about everything about her. i think he wants to be like her. tbh i would even say he's a bit jealous of her polite, innocent lady personality. he's so very embarrassed & even a bit hopeless (?) because there is NO WAY he could EVER deserve to be with someone so lovely. he feels SO self-conscious around her.

size difference

they're just very sweet :3c despite puck's um. *gestures vaguely* Everything, there's this like, innocence to their relationship that's quite cute. they interact like school kids who just got their first crush ever. both of them are a bit clueless about what to do in a relationship, especially a relationship specifically between the two of them. it's so charming LOL

puck is ... not the most romantic man in the world. he wears his heart on his sleeve, but when it comes to romance he gets scared. isn't really sure what to do in a relationship beyond the realm of sex. he's used to having a friends with benefits type of situation with people. he does not court. i dont think he knows what a date even is.

but babsi really makes him want to try. and that's just so endearing to me.

[spiteless-xo]

╰┈➤ fake dating - tbaw. ⋙ sometime during arc 1.

why was it deleted. ididn't really like the fake dating plotline for this story because it meant that any development between jean/reader would be seen as cheating from jean's perspective, and it seemed out of character for him to do that after his history with pieck. having this fic be a love triangle with a fake dating storyline didn't really make sense. what changed. you ask eren to be your fake boyfriend instead of just friends with benefits. eren already knows he's in love with you at this point. you get a little bit of jean's pov here. jean and eren's relationship isn't as toxic/strained as in the published story. tbh this almost feels like an entirely different story, it's so weird to read it compared to what's on ao3. ft. fem!reader, eren, jean, connie, sasha. cw. unedited, explicit language, explicit sexual content (oral sex, fingering, vaginal sex, unprotected, creampie, overstimulation/crying, name calling: slut, exhibitionism-ish), second person pov, 5,000 words.

Please remember that this scene was deleted for a reason and that nothing that happens here occurs in the actual story posted on AO3. This is just fun bonus content for people who are interested in reading more.

context. none needed.

You text Eren later that day, asking him to come over so the two of you can talk. Eren’s not sure what you want to talk about, but he rushes over anyway, excited to see you.

When you let him into your house, his heart clenches at the sight of you. You look happy again, for the first time in a while.

He can’t control the smile on his face as you lead him up into your bedroom and quietly shut the door behind you. “What do you wanna talk about?” He asks, settling into your bed as you sit on the edge next to him.

“You can’t laugh, ok?” you say, Eren can see you pouting at him from the corner of his eye.

“I promise.”

You lace your fingers with his as Eren struggles to focus on your face. “Did you ever see that Netflix movie with Lana Condor?”

“Who?”

“To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before?”

Eren wasn’t familiar, but hearing you say the title makes his heart tighten. Were you going to confess your feelings for him? He wanted to pull you into his lap but you were sitting a little too far away. “No, I haven’t seen that one,” he says as he scootches closer to you until your thighs are pressed against one another.

“It’s about a girl who writes letters to all the boys she’s loved --”

“Uh huh,” Eren says, his hand squeezing around yours.

“-- and her little sister mails them all out - whatever, it doesn’t really matter the whole plot.” You wave your other hand in dismissal as Eren brushes a loose strand of hair out of his face and behind his ear.

“Come on,” Eren urges, squeezing your hand tighter. “Tell me about the movie - or whatever.”

You laugh, eyes crinkling as you look at Eren and he wants to grab your face and kiss you, but he waits.

“I don’t know if you’ll be into it, but I have this crazy idea I wanted to run by you.”

Spit it out.

“Do you want to be my fake boyfriend?”

Eren feels like his brain is lagging. “Your… what?”

“In the movie, the two characters fake date to make the guy’s ex-girlfriend jealous,” you explain, looking away. “Jean was really jealous of us hooking up, so I think that if you and I fake date, I can finally help him realize his feelings for me.”

Jean fucking Kirstein. It all comes back to him.

With your face turned away, you don’t see the disappointment etched on Eren’s face. He pulls his hands free from yours and leans back on the bed to rest on his forearms, running a hand through his hair as he thinks.

Fake date the girl he’s in love with to make the guy she’s in love with jealous - how pathetic.

“We can like, hook up and stuff, just like before,” you say. “But then also, you can like, stay the night at my place and join us for movie nights and stuff.” You shrug and look over at him, blushing in embarrassment. “Is that ok? Or is that weird?”

“Sure,” he says. He’d be pathetic for you.

You smile at Eren and it all feels worth it. “Thanks, Eren,” you say with a sigh and you toss your leg across his hips, straddling him on the bed. “Do you want to hook up right now?”

Yes, desperately. “What about your roommates?” he asks, looking up at you as you run your hands up and down his chest. 

“They’re not home right now,” you say before leaning forward to kiss softly against Eren’s neck. “Sasha’s playing soccer and the boys are out picking up food for movie night.”

“Movie night’s tonight?” Eren asks, laying flat on his back so his hands can press into your thighs. 

“Well, it’s the long weekend, so movie night is every night,” you laugh against his skin. “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”

“Oh, I want to,” he says, voice low as his fingers slide under the fabric of your shorts to grab your ass. “I’ve missed you so much, baby.”

Fake dating isn’t what Eren wants from you, but it doesn’t sound so bad when you’re grinding on his lap like this. And you want him to stay the night and hang out with your friends - that sounds great. So what if you’re just using him to make Jean jealous? 

Eren knows Jean doesn’t give a shit about you, so it doesn’t matter how jealous you make him, he’ll still be fucking oblivious. And Eren will get to fuck you and kiss you and hold your hand and sleep in your bed. This plan sounds better and better the more Eren thinks about it.

He flips you over on to your back, caging his arms around your head as he looks down at you. “Fake dating,” he says, dipping his head down to bite at your neck. “So I get to tell everyone you’re my girlfriend, right?”

You hum in response, tilting your head to the side to allow Eren more space to lick and suck and bite. You wrap your legs around his hips, locking your ankles together behind him, and pull him tight against your body as his lips roam across your collarbones.

“I can hold your hand and shit at work? Take you for lunch? Fuck you in the break room?”

You try to laugh but it’s cut off by a moan with Eren sinks his teeth into your skin. He slides off the floor and on to his knees next to the bed, tugging on the waistband of your shorts to pull them off of your hips. He needs to taste you.

[DELETED ORAL SEX SCENE FROM HERE AND PUT INTO CHAPTER 16]

You don’t know how long has passed and how many orgasms he’s pulled from you by the time Jean and Connie return home. Even in your post-/pre-/mid-orgasmic haze, you can still hear Connie yelling when he enters the house.

You look down at Eren through half-lidded eyes, pulling harder on his hair to pull his mouth from you. “Eren -- stop -- they --” you can hardly speak as his eyes flick up to meet your gaze, glinting with mischief as he draws another choked orgasm from your exhausted body.

You hear a faint knocking on your door over the lewd sounds of Eren’s tongue on your cunt. “Are you home? We’re gonna start dinner soon.” It’s Jean.

“Don’t open the door!” you say quickly, eyes looking down at Eren in alarm as he pauses - finally.

“You ok?” Jean asks from the other side.

Eren gets up from off the floor, leaning his body over yours as his fingers play with your clit. His face is covered in you and it makes your heart lurch in your chest. Why did the boys have to come home already?

“Hey, you good?” Jean asks, knocking again.

“Yes!” you gasp as Eren plunges his fingers inside of you. You can’t tell how many he’s pushed into you, but the sensation of finally being filled after being tortured with his tongue for so long almost makes you come undone on the spot.

Jean asks another question from outside your room and all you can do is cover your mouth from a strangled moan as Eren’s fingers curl inside of you.

“We’ll come out in a sec,” Eren says, voice calm and collected as you fuck yourself on his hand. “Sasha home yet?” he asks and you look up at him pained.

Jean doesn’t answer right away. “No, she’s still at soccer.”

“When’s she coming back?”

You can’t believe Eren’s having a conversation with Jean with his fingers buried in your cunt. You pray that Jean doesn’t decide to open the door, but you’re certain he can hear the wet squelching noises as Eren’s hand pumps against you. Your eyes water as your pussy flutters tightly around his fingers when Eren brings you over the edge into another orgasm.

“Uh,” Jean stumbles over his words. “Soon, probably.”

Removing his fingers from inside of you, he pulls his sweats down off his hips to let his hard, aching cock spring free from his pants. He guides it to your entrance and pushes inside you roughly as he says, “Yes, that’s great.”

His voice is tight as he slowly pumps into you and you have to clench your eyes shut and clamp your hand over your mouth to stop your desperate whiny moans from escaping. “Do you need help making dinner?” he calls.

Tears are freely falling from your eyes as Eren rocks his hips against your sore, overstimulated pussy. You can hardly breathe, much less speak - and here he is having a conversation with Jean about dinner like he’s not balls deep inside of you. You would be pissed if he didn’t feel so good.

“No, we’re good.” Jean says sharply and you finally hear his footsteps walking away from outside of your door.

“Do you think he knew?” Eren asks, whispering against your ear as he grinds down into your hips. “Think he knew I had you spread out like this for me like my own little slut?”

Eren loves the way you squeeze around him when he fills you like this. He wishes you wouldn’t muffle your noises for him, he wants to hear you begging for him.

He wants to tease you more until you’re limp and satisfied in his arms, but his cock aches for release and he finds himself spilling into you suddenly without warning. Eren gasps and grunts into your neck when he cums as your body trembles beneath him from exhaustion.

You finally pull your hands away from your face and try to blink up at him. Your eyes are blurry from the tears and your mind is dizzy from arousal, but you can still see Eren’s soft eyes as he looks down at you. 

When he pulls away, both of you are breathing hard. “So how was that?” he asks, pulling out of you and rolling next to you on the bed. He pulls his sweats back up his hips to cover himself as you continue to lay next to him, spread out and covered in each others’ mess.

“Is that how you fuck all of your girlfriends?” you ask, breathless.

“Just the fake ones,” he winks before sitting up. He looks around your room for a box of tissues to clean you up with, finding one on your desk next to some papers and pictures of you and your friends.

His eyes linger over one of the pictures. It’s the same as the one you have set up at your desk at work, the one with Connie, Sasha, and Jean. He comes back over to the bed to clean off your thighs with the tissues as your eyes fall shut, exhausted.

“You still don’t have a picture of me.” He says and you crack an eye open to look at him.

You smile up at him, watching as he gets up off the bed to return your box of tissues before allowing your eyes to flutter shut again. He wanders around your room, opening your dresser drawers until he finds your sweatpant drawer and pulls out a pair to toss over to you. He leaves you to get dressed while he looks around your room. He likes to see pieces of you scattered across the room.

He knows you're taking a couse with Titan to improve your technical knowledge, so he’s not surprised to find your notes and textbooks littered across your desk. He scans your bookshelves to see all sorts of different novels: romance, thriller, even some manga - all scattered amongst more photos of you, Sasha, Connie, and Jean. He knows the four of you were close, he always saw you together at parties and at hockey games, but based on the photos you have in your room, it seems like they’re your only friends. 

When you find the strength, you pull on the sweats that Eren gave you and try to smooth down your hair in the reflection of your mirror near your bed. You look like a fucked out mess, but once your blush comes down you think you’ll be ok.

“What’re you looking at?” you ask, noticing for the first time that Eren’s snooping through your bookshelf. 

“Nothing,” he says quietly, turning back to you. You’re still laying sprawled out on the bed and he almost feels bad for feeling himself stir in his sweatpants as he looks down at you, but then he remembers you’re dating now.

Or fake dating, whatever.

“You ready to go help with dinner? I think you promised Jean we’d help,” you say with a laugh.

“He said not to bother.” Eren pulls his hoodie off and tosses it over to you, leaving him in just his grey sweats and black v-neck shirt. You catch it and look over at Eren, confused. “If we’re dating, you should probably wear some of my shit,” he says, looking away to hide his blush.

With a smile, you pull his hoodie on over your tank. You’re swimming it in and it falls just past your ass, but it’s soft and it smells like vanilla. “Good call,” you say. “Have you done this before?”

“Dated girls? Yeah,” Eren scoffs.

“Right,” you say, feeling your chest tighten. “We should go.”

When the two of you leave your room, Eren ducks into the bathroom to clean himself off, leaving you to wander into the kitchen alone. Jean sees you come in first, eyes narrowing at the oversized black hoodie.

You walk over to the sink and wash you hands, looking over at the two boys on either side of you, chopping vegetables for your dinner tonight. “Sorry, I should have let you guys know he was coming over. We’re going to need more food.”

“Huh?” Connie says, clueless.

“Eren’s going to stay for movie night,” you explain, looking over at him with a smile.

“You’re still fucking him?” Jean asks, voice sharp and tight.

You feel Eren’s arms wrap around you, pulling you tight against his chest. He rests his head on your shoulder as he looks over at Jean, smirking. “More than fucking, Kirstein. We decided to make things official.”

You can’t see the way Jean’s jaw tightens as he looks over at Eren wrapped around you. His whole body flinching when Eren says official. “Oh, is that right?” Jean says through clenched teeth.

Jean definitely seems jealous as he looks at the two of you together and Eren can feel his smirk falter. He knows Jean is a conniving, manipulative fuck-face, and your little fake dating plan might work a lot faster than Eren wants it to. 

He’s not sure how much time he’ll have with you before Jean fucks with your head again.

“Woah, congratulations guys!” Connie cheers, high-fiving you with a huge grin on his face. “Does that mean Eren’s gonna be around all the time?”

“If that’s ok,” you say quickly, wanting to turn to look at Jean but being unable to do so with Eren on your shoulder.

“That’s fine, man, it’s been a while!” Connie says, lightly punching Eren’s shoulder.

Eren pulls away from you and punches Connie back gently, the two falling into easy conversation as they rekindle their friendship from before Eren and Jean’s falling out.

When Eren steps away, you’re finally able to look over at Jean to try to get a read on how he’s feeling. His face is turned away from you, focusing on chopping onions for tonight, but he can see you looking at him from the corner of his eye.

“I thought you weren’t dating,” he says, so quietly that you almost don’t hear him.

“I changed my mind,” you say, glancing over at Connie and Eren to see if they’re paying attention to the two of you. “After getting to know him better, I realized that I have feelings for him.”

It’s a lie, but you can see Jean’s whole body tense from your words.

Tense from the fact that, yet again, you’re running back into the arms of Eren fucking Jaeger. 

It makes you giddy to see such an obvious physical reaction and you almost break out in a grin because of it. Instead, your attention turns to the main door as Sasha walks in with a shriek.

“Eren?” she asks, mouth falling open as her bags drop to the floor.

Eren turns away from his conversation with Connie to smile at Sasha. Her eyes bounce from Eren’s face to his hoodie on you and back again. “Oh my God, are you two together?”

He slings his arm around your shoulder and pulls you tight into his chest, pressing his lips softly against your own as Sasha shrieks again. He pulls away, just enough to brush his nose against your as he looks down at you. Your heart pounds in your chest and you have to look away from his intense gaze, flustered.

“Yeah, Sash,” he says, still looking at you. “We are.”

---

You fall asleep in Eren’s arms during the first movie, exhausted from how you and Eren spent the afternoon. Connie and Sasha all but bombard him with questions when they notice.

“Eren, this is so exciting!” Connie whisper-yells, clapping quietly. “This has been such a long-time coming with you two.”

“I can't believe it!” Sasha squeals, leaning forward across the coffee table to get closer. “She couldn’t get enough of The Eren Jaeger.”

Eren tries to stifle back his laughter as his two goofy friends rattle off at him. It feels good to hear them talk about how happy they are for the two of you, even if he knows it’s all fake on your end.

“I doubt it’s gonna last,” Jean says from the other end of the couch. Sasha and Connie both whip around to scold him as Eren’s narrowed eyes meet Jean’s. 

“How could you say that?” Sasha says angrily, slapping Jean across the chest. “Be supportive of your friends!”

“Ow, Sasha!” Jean flinches from Sasha’s hit, but he doubles down. “Eren’s a fucking prick. You’ve all seen the way he treated the girls at school. He’s just taking advantage of her.”

“I’m taking advantage of her?” Eren growls and you stir in his arms from the rumbling in Eren’s chest.

You blink up at Eren with sleepy eyes as the everyone around you hushes. “Sorry,” you say, voice soft and quiet. “Did I fall asleep?”

“You’re good, babe,” he says, leaning down to kiss you on the cheek. When he pulls away he fixes a hard stare on Jean, who’s ignoring everyone around him by focusing on the movie on the tv.

“You guys can go to bed if you want,” Sasha offers. “We’ve got Monday off too, so we can finish the rest of the movies tomorrow night.”

“Ok,” you say sleepliy, allowing Eren to help you up as you shuffle into the bedroom.

Eren closes the door behind you and you flop down onto the bed, facedown. You don’t even bother to take off your clothes, you’re so tired.

“Are you gonna sleep like that?” Eren asks, pulling off his t-shirt and sweats, leaving himself in just his black boxer briefs, before walking over to you on the bed.

“Too tired to change,” you whine, rolling away from him.

He laughs, you were so cute. He never got to see you sleepy like this before. It feels so intimate and domestic to finally see this side of you.

“Come on,” he says, tugging on his hoodie as you whine. “You’ll be more comfy with less clothes.”

“You’re just trying to fuck me again,” you whine, but you allow him to pull his hoodie off of you. He hooks his fingers under the waistband of your sweats and pulls them down past your hips and off your feet. He feels the burn of arousal in his stomach after he successfully peels your pants off - he forgot you didn’t have any underwear on underneath.

“I’m… not,” he says, strained. “Unless you want me to.”

“Maybe tomorrow,” you sigh, letting him fix the blankets so you can crawl underneath them. “I’m too tired after today.”

He slides under the covers behind you and pulls you close against his chest. You nuzzle your face into his skin and sigh against it. “Are you drunk?” he asks with a laugh, rubbing soft circles in your back.

“No, just sleepy,” you say, content.

“Can you stay up for a little bit? I wanna talk to you about something.”

You audibly pout but look up at him from where your face is buried in his chest. “It can’t wait until the morning?”

“I don’t want to forget.” He brushes the hair out of your face with his hand and watches as you try to blink away your sleepiness to focus on what he has to say. “I think we need some terms and conditions for this whole, fake dating, thing.”

You chuckle, eyes crinkling. “Ok…? Like what?”

“We have to treat this like a real relationship, so you can’t hook up with any other people, and obviously neither can I.”

“Obviously.”

“We have to hold hands and like, cuddle, and stuff.”

“Easy,” you scoff and it warms his heart.

“We should try to stay together for a decent amount of time,” he says quietly and he hopes you can’t hear the way his heart is threatening to beat out of his chest. “If we break up too soon, Jean might not have fully fallen for you, y’know. So like, six months, I think - at least.”

“Hmm, that’s a good point,” you say with a nod. “I thought you said you didn’t watch the movie, and suddenly now you’re an expert?”

“I’m no expert,” he laughs. “I’m just trying to… maximize our chances for success.”

“Ok,” you hum, burying your face back into his chest. “Any other rules?”

“If you fall in love with me, you have to tell me right away,” he says, voice tight.

You laugh into his chest and wrap your arms around him tighter. “You think I’m going to fall in love with you, Eren Jaeger?”

No, he didn’t think - he hoped.

“You never know,” he hums.

“Ok - deal.” He wonders if you’re going to flip the rule back on him too, but instead you sigh against him. “Can I go to sleep now?”

“Go for it, babe.”

“Goodnight, Eren,” you murmur before drifting off to sleep again.

---

Eren wakes up before you in the morning to find you still curled up against his chest. He wants to stay here with you forever, but the ache in his bladder has him slinking out of bed and down the hall to the bathroom.

Sighing with relief from his now-empty bladder, he wanders into the kitchen for a glass of water but finds Jean already there, grabbing ingredients from the fridge for breakfast.

Eren decides to be civil, “Morning, Jean.”

Jean isn’t, “Fuck you, Jaeger.”

Eren grabs a glass from the cupboard and fills it with water, leaning against the counter to watch Jean prep breakfast as he drinks. 

“What the fuck do you want?”

“Nothing, just drinking water.” He taps on the glass with his finger as Jean scowls at him.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I literally just told you.”

“No -- I mean with her.”

Eren smirks as Jean starts cracking eggs into a bowl. He’s sure Jean’s imagining that each one of those eggs is Eren’s face from the way he’s practically smashing them against the counter.

“We’re dating - you know, girlfriend and boyfriend -- are you familiar with the term?”

“Fuck off, Jaeger.”

“You should be nice to me,” Eren says before taking a sip from his water. “Your room is right next door to hers, isn't it? If you're nice to me, maybe I won't keep you up all night."

Jean cringes at his implication. “You’re disgusting. I know you’re just using her for sex.”

“I’m not, actually,” Eren says sharply. “You’d realize that if you ever took your head out of your ass.”

Jean doesn’t bother to respond as he cuts open a packet of bacon. He lays all the strips out on a baking sheet before turning on the oven to pre-heat, all under Eren’s gaze.

“Are you just going to fucking stand there and watch me all morning?”

“That’s a lot of bacon for one person,” Eren responds, eyeing the food as Jean preps it.

“It’s not just for me,” he says with a sigh. “I’m making breakfast for everyone.”

“Me too?”

“Begrudgingly.”

Eren makes a silent face of approval as he watches Jean cut up some potatoes for hashbrowns.

“I make breakfast for everyone on the weekends. Sometimes weekdays too, if I’m not busy,” he explains, cutting into the spuds roughly. “It’s like a tradition here.”

“That’s surprisingly nice of you,” Eren says in disbelief. “You don’t strike me as the type.”

“I want to learn how to get better at cooking - not that I owe you an explanation.”

“Right. Because you were raised with fuckin chefs and butlers, so you’ve never had to cook before,” Eren says, more to himself than to Jean.

The oven makes a noise to signify that it’s reached the selected temperature and Jean slides the baking tray into the oven before setting a timer on his phone. He oils a pan with some butter and tosses the chopped chunks of potato into the pan to fry them.

“Smells good,” Eren says, putting his now-empty glass into the sink. “Can’t wait to try some.”

“Thanks,” Jean spits, but the praise makes him blush, even if it’s from Eren fucking Jaeger.

“I thought you left.”

The attention of the two boys turns to you as you stumble into the kitchen, rubbing at your eyes with the sleeve of Eren’s sweater. Your legs are bare underneath it and Eren wonders if you remembered to put underwear on.

“Nah, babe, I’m still here,” Eren says with a smile. “Just talking with your favourite roomie.”

You approach Eren and wrap your arms around his waist, leaning into his chest as you look over at Jean while he works on the food. “Jean does this every morning,” you explain.

“Yeah, we were just talking about that,” Eren wraps his arms around your shoulders and pulls you closer against him. He slides his leg between your thighs to gently press his thigh against your clothed cunt - good, you remembered.

You squrim in his arms and push his thigh away from you while Jean works on frying the potatoes. 

“Are you gonna make some coffees for everyone?” Jean asks, his back facing both of you.

“In a minute,” you say, holding Eren tighter. 

Even though this is all a plan to make Jean jealous, you can’t ignore how happy you feel in Eren’s arms like this. Enveloped in the warmth of his hoodie and the smell of his vanilla cologne, it almost feels like you really are dating. 

The two of you stay like that until the timer on Jean’s phone goes off for the bacon. As Jean pulls the bacon out from the oven, you pull away from Eren to make some coffees with your espresso machine.

“I thought I heard the bacon alarm!” Connie says, coming around the corner and into the kitchen. He clasps his hands and rubs them together like a fly as he looks around Jean’s body at the sizzling baking pan in his hands.

“Connie, back off, I’m going to burn you.” Jean says, pushing Connie back with one arm while he sets the hot pan on the unused half of the stove. “Wait until it cools off a bit.”

Connie pouts but obediently goes to sit on the dining room table while he waits for the food. He looks around at the table, confusion etched on his face.

“What’s up?” Eren asks with a nod, noticing Connie’s expression.

“We need another chair for you,” he says, pointing at the four chairs surrounding the table. “We only have enough for us.”

You turn around to look at the table and realize that Connie is right, there’s only four chairs. You never needed any more than that when it was just you and the roommates. “Can you get your gamer chair maybe, just for today?”

Connie nods, getting up to go to his room to retrieve an extra chair while you turn back to work on the coffee.

Eren comes up behind you, grabbing your hips and pulling you flush against his body as he ducks his face into your neck. “You don’t wanna sit on my lap?” he hums, his lips pressing softly into your skin.

“Maybe later,” you say, face blushing as you try to tame the shaking of your hands as you work your espresso machine. “Why don’t you go get some clothes on so you’re not sitting at the table in your underwear?”

Eren laughs and kisses you once on the shoulder, again on your neck, and then softly on your cheek. “Good idea.”

When Eren steps away from you, you release a shaky breath that you didn’t realize you were holding. Being around Eren always made you lightheaded. It was because of the way he touched you, the way he kissed you, and the way he made you feel.

You made fun of all of those other girls from school for falling over themselves to be with him, but here you were doing the exact same thing. How could you not? Eren was enticing. He definitely wasn’t the worst person to be fake dating.

[mooifyourecows]

Can I ask your top favorite fics that you've written (feel free how much that you want to list)? Why they're special to you? Is there a specific inspiration when you wrote them? Thanks....

Hmmmm let's see... I'll do top five. Generally I like ALL the fics that I've written (I wouldn't post something I didn't like, tbh)(even though some have been started and then completely abandoned RIP sorry to them) so it's kinda difficult to rank them, but here's my best whack at it:

Summer Rain- I really enjoy writing this fic. I love the massive cast and all the little storylines happening all at once. I know it's kinda on hiatus at the moment but I really do look forward to when I get back to writing it because I love thinking about how everything will eventually coalesce into the climax. Dropping off on cliffhangers is also a special indulgence of mine, even if it makes people angry 😈I started this one based off of an OLD original story idea i had once upon a time. I realized that it had a better chance of getting written if it was a daisuga fic, so here it is! Though it definitely went completely off the rails from the original plan.... (in a good way)

and the Emi goes to...- The DaiSuga dynamic in this one is probably one of my favorites. At this point everyone should know I LOVE slow burns and this one takes its sweet ass time. And as someone who hates the idea of being a parent myself, it's nice being able to live vicariously through the characters to get my fill of parenthood without ever having to have a kid lmao. My inspiration was "I want to write a single parent AU" and poof, there it was.

Let it Ride- Man I don't even know what it is about this fic but I adore it. I think Daisuga's relationship in it is just so... 😘👌 The childhood best friends who know everything about each other and are willing do to ANYTHING for one another, even give up the opportunity of a lifetime... just the sentiment of loving someone so much that you'd be happy struggling with them really takes me out, you know? It's about love but it's about like, too. They LIKE each other so much, what a pair! I got the idea to write it because I LOVE fake relationship AUs and I LOVE LOVE when the stakes are set at the highest setting, AKA Marriage.

Hard Times- Another fake dating AU because as previously mentioned I LOVE them. This one just checks so many boxes for me. Revenge? Crime? Sex? Comedy? Drama? More revenge? Closure? Catholicism? Sign me up! (as the writer I think I'm automatically signed up, but ya know.) I had a lot of fun writing it. And Radish made beautiful art for it so really, what's not to like? I don't remember what inspired it... I think I just wanted to write another fake dating scenario with a funny meet cute.

Open Tab- I feel like I'm obligated to put Open Tab on any list when it comes to my writing because it's the OG, ya know? It's the first fic that got me deep into the Haikyuu fandom and I gotta appreciate it for that reason alone. We've been through a lot together, me and good ol OT. The only hate mail I ever got was on Open Tab. The thrill of it all... I had so much fun writing it. And while right now it's definitely a bit of a pain in my ass, trying to get the motivation to continue it, I can't erase all the good times we had together. I owe it a lot! Someday it will finally be over and I'm both dreading and looking forward to that day. My inspiration was alcoholism. Drink responsibly, kids.

[aprillikesthings]

Something I've bitched and moaned about re: my writing is that I deeply struggle to write ~feelings~ and plot and conflict; I've described numerous fics of mine as "just enough plot to string sex scenes together."

But both of my she-ra wips have PLOT and FEELINGS and CONFLICT and I know this is part of why they're such a GOD DAMNED STRUGGLE OH MY GOD

ffs the 60's au is even a bit of a slow burn; a thing I have confidently said I'd never write because I didn't think I could

BUT

I do have a scene in my post-canon thing that involves an actual argument of sorts and that I'm stupidly proud of because I think it's hella in-character

the irony is that it's literally between two sex scenes--only one of which is currently written and which tbh is not my best smut writing

(part of the plot of the post-canon fic is that they're both REAL BAD at talking about things and start doing the "why would we talk about something painful and unpleasant when we can have sex instead, and voila now we both feel better, whew" thing, which works Great until It Doesn't. not that this is based on any relationships I've had. or anything. ha ha ha don't look at me like that.)

but yeah even if I did work on the post-canon fic enough to post the first part of it, this isn't until later so ....it might not ever see the light of day (by which I mean ao3)

ANYWAY DO YOU WANT TO READ IT it's a bit over 1800 words and rated somewhere between mature and explicit. also the sex is thigh-grinding because that's legally required in post-canon spop fics. (JOKING....mostly.)

[this is uhhhh like a couple of months after the end of the show? also the scene starts, like, immediately after they've just had sex one evening]

Catra relaxes into the bed, and they lie in an easy quiet for a moment before she rolls to face Adora. “We could have been doing this the whole time, before–you know.”

Adora doesn’t need to ask what “this” refers to. “What, back in the Horde?”

“Yeah. I mean, we managed to be alone enough, right?”

Adora winces. “I really don’t want to think about what would’ve happened if we’d been caught.”

“But did you want to?” Catra’s clearly trying to sound nonchalant and isn’t entirely succeeding. 

“Maybe? I don’t know? I knew I liked you, just not,” she waves a hand between their naked bodies. “--Like this. I think I forced myself not to think about it, and focused on training instead.”

“That’s true. Overachiever.” But there’s no venom in it, and Adora smiles for a moment before furrowing her eyebrows. 

“Wait, did you think about it?”

Catra rolls her eyes. “Duh. Unlike you, I knew that other people were doing stuff. Like, in supply closets and stuff.”

“Really? Who?”

“Pfft, it doesn’t matter now.” 

“But you thought about doing that with me? Making out in supply closets?” Adora can’t hide her grin. 

But Catra’s ears droop as she looks away. “Yeah. I did. All the time.” 

“Oh.” 

“Y’know, sometimes I actually thought you knew, and were just, I dunno. Pretending you didn’t.”

“Why would I have done that?!”

“I dunno. Because you didn’t want me back?”

Adora sighs and rolls onto her back. “I’m not sure I knew I could want you like that.” She thinks for a moment. “I knew I liked you. I knew I wanted to be around you as much as I could be without getting us into trouble. I knew I didn’t mind you rough-housing with me and that I liked doing it back. I knew I liked it when you slept on my bunk. Past that–I don’t know.” 

“How about this,” Catra says, “If I’d just like, kissed you one day, up on that platform where we used to hang out. Like, I dunno, just before you were made force captain. What would you have done.”

Adora closes her eyes and imagines it: the two of them up there, just like they did day after day, before everything else happened. Before the sight of Catra’s face had ever filled her with anger. And then she imagines that younger Catra turning towards her and kissing her. And the warmth that spreads through her is unmistakable. “I would have kissed you back.” 

“Yeah? You think so?”

“Yeah. But–” Adora cringes to herself. “I don’t–I don’t know that it would have changed any of what came after that, though. It would’ve been harder. But I still would’ve done it.”

Catra is silent for a long moment, enough to make Adora wish she hadn’t said anything. 

“No,” Catra sighs, “I know it wouldn’t have changed anything you did. I wonder if I might’ve left earlier, though.” 

“Wait, really?” Adora sits up to look at her. But Catra’s frowning and she has one arm over her eyes. 

“Before Hordak made me force captain, I actually told Shadow Weaver that maybe you had the right idea when you left. But then Hordak did make me force captain, and I was so fucking stubborn, and my stupid, stupid fucking pride–” Catra’s voice cracks at the end. 

“Catra, it’s okay.” She tries to tug Catra’s arm off her face but she resists. 

“It’s not! I hurt you, and myself, and so many other people, and for what? For what??” 

“Catra, look at me, please.” 

“No!” She yanks her arm from Adora’s grip and sits up but she faces away, curled up and hugging her knees, ears flat against her head.

Adora’s chest aches. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.” 

“No, don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Catra sniffles. 

Adora reaches to put a hand on her shoulder. “Catra–”

But Catra jerks away from her and out of bed, and then she’s pulling on her clothes from the floor. Adora can see the tears running down Catra’s face, but she’s ignoring them.

“Catra?”

She still won’t look at Adora. “I’m sorry, I just need to go. I’ll be back.” And then she’s out on the balcony, and gone. 

Adora sits in shock for a moment before jumping out of bed, realizing she’s still naked, running back to pull on her sleep shirt and shorts, and then going out to the balcony to lean over it as she realizes: there’s no possible way she can find Catra if she doesn’t want to be found, especially if Melog finds her first.

She sits on the balcony leaning on the wall for long minutes, not knowing what to do. The night is silent outside of her own crying.

Adora eventually gets up, goes back into the bedroom, and gets back into bed. 

Hours later a shadow is on the balcony, and Catra silently walks back into the bedroom. 

“It’s okay, Catra, I’m awake.”

Catra startles. “Shit! Sorry.” 

“S’fine. I couldn’t sleep.” 

Catra doesn’t move at first, standing awkwardly next to the window. Adora can’t see her expression in the dark, other than the spooky glow of her eyes. She knows Catra can see hers, though, which isn’t fair. 

“Adora.” Her voice is thick with emotion. “I’m sorry.” 

“I know. It’s okay.” 

Catra shifts her weight from one foot to the other. “Can I come back to bed?”

“Yeah. Of course.” Adora pulls the covers back as Catra strips back down to her undies. Adora opens her arms so Catra can crawl into them, her skin chilled from the outdoors. Catra wiggles closer, her face in Adora’s neck, and Adora holds Catra while she sniffles. 

Adora blinks tears out her own eyes. “I’m sorry, too.” 

“I know, but you shouldn’t be. I just–I don’t know how to talk about everything, yet, and I just—I kind of panicked.”

Adora kisses Catra’s forehead, then rolls them over. She takes one of Catra’s hands and kisses her fingertips before lacing their fingers together and pressing their hands onto the pillow next to Catra’s head. 

“It’ll be okay, Catra.”

Catra’s eyes are still full of tears, but the unguarded and trusting way she’s looking up at Adora right now feels like a gift she’s not worthy of. 

“I love you, so much.” 

“I love you, too.” Catra reaches up with her free hand, pushes Adora’s loose hair behind one ear, and pulls her in for a kiss. 

It’s a gentle kiss at first, but then Catra angles her head and deepens the kiss, tugging on Adora’s hair and arching up to press against her with a whine, and Adora gasps at how quickly her whole body lights up with desire.

The fact that they’d already done this just hours before does nothing to dampen the heat between them. Adora straddles one of Catra’s thighs, and pushes her own between Catra’s legs. She breaks off the kiss to gasp before reaching down to grab Adora’s ass and move against her, and then they’re panting into kisses and moving their hips to grind on each other’s thighs. 

They haven’t done this since their second night in Bright Moon and it’s nearly as frantic, and for similar reasons: a desperate need to be as close as possible, to obliterate anything separating them.

Catra can tell that Adora is close and breaks their kiss to tell her, “I’ve got you, I love you–” and Adora shakes and her hips stutter and she cries out. 

She only lies still on Catra catching her breath for a moment before she’s pulling back just enough to slide a hand into her underwear. 

Catra’s hips jerk. “Fuck, Adora–” 

She can’t lie still, she’s moving against Adora’s hand and arching her back and wrapping her arms around Adora’s back and burying her face in Adora’s neck, and a moment later she’s shouting and coming apart.

After she relaxes they barely move, Adora still half on top of Catra despite both being overheated. 

There’s a deep sense of relief, like they’d just washed away all the pain from earlier, like the clear air after a storm. Adora gives Catra’s face a few soft kisses. Catra purrs with deep contentment as she falls asleep, and Adora lets it soothe her to sleep as well. 

[mermaidsirennikita]

your latest review made me curious about regency/historical romances featuring the servants or working class characters, how prevalent are they? any you would recommend?

It's not really prevalent, and there are several reasons why.

a) many (not all) historical romance writers do suffer from classist or elitist streaks, and tbh, a lot of historical romance readers also suffer from this streak. There's historically (get it) been this uplifting of not only the wealth that comes with the elite, but simply the title. Like, a lot of dukes have plots where they don't have any money, and that's not new; but them being dukes keeps them "above" and thus venerated by the genre.

b) there is also a big race problem in historical romance. Think the Julia Quinn "I don't write people of color because people of color don't have happy endings" mentality--she's not the only one with that mindset (and I'm gonna be real, in one of the multiple situations where she made comments like this, Eloisa James was pretty much backing her up right there). Not that people of color were inherently working class at all, but I do think that if we had seen more diversity in general in historical romance from the jump, we would also 100% see more working class people depicted in historical romance.

c) there is, either way, an element of fantasy involved. I work very hard for my money, and I'm living paycheck to paycheck nonetheless. I think that there should be more depictions of working class love in historical romance, but I'd be lying to you if I said I sought out books in which, at the end of the story, money remains a big concern for people. It's very stressful for me, versus relatable; and I don't think I'm alone there. There relatability perhaps comes from money being a concern at the beginning, but for me to feel okay with an HEA, I don't want it to be an active concern at the end. This doesn't mean people need to be SUPER WEALTHY or that it needs to be a huge plot factor. But I think this is why the concept of the "interclass" romance exists, or the person who began working class but has become super rich before the story even began. You can start struggling, but you can't end struggling for a lot of readers.

And this, considering my previous point, goes across the racial divide in historical romance--Beverly Jenkins writers about Black characters in the 1800s, but her heroes often come from wealth, or are at least quite comfortable (and often her heroines are the same). Jeannie Lin writes Tang Dynasty Chinese characters who are often of the extreme upper classes. And I think these choices do an extra layer of work when people are writing about people of color, because there is this idea pushed that all people of color did in the past was suffer under white oppression, which ignores thriving communities, massively expansive eras of history, culture, etc. Beverly Jenkins in particular does great work with exploring the different levels of class in 1800s Black America; Forbidden and Indigo are so compelling on that level. As much as the heroines are "working class", the heroes are both wealthy upon meeting them, influential, etc.

So what you will see a lot of is books with the "working class hero has gotten rich", like Dreaming of You by Lisa Kleypas. Neither Derek nor Sara are upper class. She's decidedly middle class, though she makes a good living as an author. She doesn't have titled parents, she doesn't come from a grand house, but she does come from "respectable stock" and is well-bred enough for Derek to feel a way about it. Derek comes from the literal gutter and was essentially a sex worker for years before getting rich enough to invest in his own gambling club. His entire identity is wrapped up in him being lower class and considering himself less than Sara--he can't ever truly drop his accent, no matter how hard he works at it. But he is also.... super rich, lol. Her other self made men are similar; Simon Hunt is looked down on by his heroine initially for being poorly bred, but he's much wealthier than her from the jump and is tight with an earl. Evie Jenner and Sebastian St. Vincent flip this, in a sense. Her mom married down when she got with a gambling club owner, but his money makes Evie an heiress and Sebastian is well-bred but poor, so it all works out.

Lorraine Heath does similar stuff--in her Scoundrels of St. James series, you have one hero who grew up impoverished much of his life but was a secret nobleman, Jack Dodger grew up poor but became wealthy, James Swindler grew up on the streets and is now a respected inspector who probably isn't making a ton of money but is comfortable and has friends in high places and doesn't really want for anything. Kerrigan Byrne has several heroes who grew up in the dredges but are now like, criminal masterminds with tons of money.

I feel like Thief of Shadows by Elizabeth Hoyt gets like... close....? Because Winter is a poor schoolmaster, and though his heroine is a society lady, she's also a widow and she would have to give some shit up to be with him, for sure. Hoyt is much more interested in working class people than a lot of writers, imo--The Leopard Prince has a steward hero (but he gets with an heiress), Scandalous Desires has a heroine who also works at the orphanage and her hero is not upper class at all (but he is a rich pirate--I mean, shit does happen there), Sweetest Scoundrel has a heroine who is not poor but is not legitimate either, and a hero who's trying to build his business.

I can't think of many about servants that don't involve the servant getting with someone who is not a servant, lol. Like, a lot of people recommend An Offer from a Gentleman as the classic "servant heroine" romance, and I'll be real, I super dislike that book in general because I find it boring and the hero is a total flop... But also, the heroine gets with Thee Most Idle Riche guy ever (he's a painter! he doesn't even have rent to collect! Anthony is at least sending out strongly worded "the rent is due" reminders, which... look, there are problems with truly upper class heroes, for sure lol) and it's like... okay..... When a "servant/upper class person" romance hits for me, it hits, but I can be a hard sell. I think the one I've liked most was probably The Leopard Prince by Elizabeth Hoyt, and that was again, a steward hero and an heiress heroine.

Anyway, I have a lot of feelings, on to more recs that might scratch the itch:

The Queer Principles of Kit Webb by Cat Sebastian--the book actually examines class a lot, and while one hero is the son of a duke, there are.......... many things explored there. It's also just super romantic and good and I love it.

Glory and the Master of Shadows by Grace Callaway--the heroine is 1/4 Chinese (but it's not really something she can publicly acknowledge for reasons relating to her birth and her parents'... complex past) and the hero is Chinese and came to England as a young man. She's the daughter of a duke, but he obviously does not come from any kind of title or even heritage the English aristocracy will acknowledge, and I found the dynamic in this one super compelling in terms of how the heroine connected with him over their shared cultural backgrounds that he was super in touch with already, while she felt disconnected.

The Secret Lives of Country Gentlemen by K.J. Charles--one hero is a minor baron but to be blunt he doesn't have a lot of money and power, while the other hero is "working class", but is a powerful smuggler, so the dynamics examined here are super interesting

A Rogue's Rules for Seduction by Eva Leigh--heroine is upper class but doesn't have a lot of money, hero is working class but his family made a lot of cash when he was young, so he remembers being poor but is not now, but still feels that level of being ostracized

What A Rogue Desires by Caroline Linden--this one has a con artist heroine and a second son hero, who actually has to like... shape the fuck up to be worthy of her, which I liked a lot

Any Duchess Will Do by Tessa Dare--very classic class divide, heroine was a barmaid, hero is a duke

But yeah, honestly, I can't think of any books that have worked for me where both sides are not well off--and I think that's partially on me and my taste, but also on the genre making them not super like... popular, accessible, whatever. Often, when you do see the supporting or "servant" characters getting a love story, it'll be in a novella.

[capitaletele]

Both inexperience takes were so good and the way Johnny just casually goes "oh yeah ive mostly been with guys" and Cristal has to reconsider some things is interesting because it implies Cristal didn't really know a lot about queer people(i mean bi Cristal for the win but maybe she didnt know idk) and saw it as unusual while it's just perfectly normal for Johnny (i may be overanalysing i apologize). Also i cant quite put my finger on what gives off that impression but i feel like the way theyre acting shows they have different concepts of sex, like it's treated kind of like a taboo subject/something you shouldnt talk about among the people Cristal grew up around and with the Etoiles Noires its just normal and people wont get shamed for wanting to have sex (same thing for not wanting to and/or being repulsed by it)

Okay i think i overanalysed sorry for that essay i just really liked it

Heeeeee thank you! :D :D :D (I'm guessing you were the original prompter? If so I'm glad you enjoyed my takes!)

And neverrrrrr apologize for analysing, my god, I'm pretty sure anyone who writes fic would talk about all the possibilities of the universe 24/7 if they could!! This is what I *want* to be doing so you're doing me a favour here :p

I'm definitely torn about the queerness aspect tbh, because I love the idea that in Monopolis there is no issue with gender and sexuality doesn't matter (this is certainly emphasized I think by the 2022 mise-en-scene where you see male dancers in skirts during the Opening and Naziland for example.) So it follows that there should be no "whoaaa you're queer??" from Cristal (or anyone else.) And I also (obviously) adore the idea of queer!Cristal.

But I also *love* exploring different variations of the world and the characters; that's how you don't run out of ideas, you know? I don't really have one fixed headcanon, I like to think "Okay Cristal is [A]" and then "Okay this time Cristal is [B]" and seeing what happens if you move the cursor slightly one way or the other :D

ANYWAY this is not what you were talking about.

YES I love thinking about the way the Towers people and the Underground people might think about sex and gender in all their configurations. I left the ending deliberately pretty vague so it could be interpreted anyway you wanted :p

Like, perhaps the Towers are supposed to be a Puritan society where Marriage is Sacred and you must Preserve the Bloodlines or whatever, but people in the tunnels don't care and are fucking like bunnies out of wedlock and it's all very "savage" and "uncivilized" (and thrilling.)

Or, on the contrary, perhaps sex is normalized in the Towers because it's like the Roman orgies of the elite, very blasé and consequence-free, but it's more controlled for "regular people" because they have things to consider like how they're going to find the money to raise a kid if they get pregnant?? (And then we get into the whole question of like, how dystopian is Monopolis, really? Is there population control? Massmedia and I have talked about this *so much* haha.)

Or perhaps Cristal was simply taught that people in the tunnels are not "as advanced" or as "open-minded" as people from high society, and so she expects Johnny to be a sort of basic play-boy like she's seen in old movies, but it turns out that he's just as liberated as anyone from high society (and perhaps even more than her).

Or she's still struggling with the media image of him as a violent, uneducated, boorish criminal, and she thought he would also perhaps be a bit homophobic.

OR, her mind is boggling because Johnny just outed a bunch of people to her which shows that he's maybe a little dumb of heart 🤣

OR.... something else I haven't thought of yet, but perhaps you have, and which is just as valid!

[esther-dot]

Lyanna and Elia death actually hit the readers with emotions. Both were innocent who died because of others actions. We get to know about them more from their close families and friends and we sympathize with them. The way Ned, Oberyn and Doran mourn them leaves impact. Ned tore down the tower of Joy and commit treason to protect Jon. Oberyn risk his own life to seek justice for his sister. Yet same can't be said about Rhaegar because the people and his family has no real connection or emotions with him. Viserys never really told Dany about Rhaegar being a brother. Dany is obsessed with the idea of Rhaegar who she don't know. Jon Con who is obsessed with him had no real connection with him.

(prev ask)

They really do! Martin did a very good job conveying horror and grief over their fates. I won’t insert the quote about Elia, it’s so deeply disturbing, and the image of her babies before the throne… devastating. Everyone talks about Ned's trauma for a reason, even though we're books past his last breath, his memories of Lyanna's death, his inner torment, they're haunting.

Tbh, I'm gonna happily hate on Rhaegar regardless of where Martin takes things, so I have to really work to be unbiased. But, when I look at certain elements that pop up in Jon’s chapters that are meant to reach back into pre-canon and bring Rhaegar into the story, I’ve evolved how I read it, and don’t think Martin was writing Rhaegar as a sadistic fuck. I have to think, given the contradictory pictures we're given, that Martin is writing about what he repeatedly has written about. What do we do with people who are several things, different things, all at once?

The Hound saves Sansa, then threatens her life. Tyrion is a villain who chooses to not have sex with Sansa because he can't ignore her fear. Jon sees Ygritte weep over a song and the fate of giants, smile at him, and then callously murder an innocent man before nearly killing Jon. Martin believes in what I’ve called “expansive” characterization. They characters are multifaceted not to make us ignore one side, but to ask us to develop our ability to feel fear and compassion, to feel warmth and a chill, to find things to love and hate in the same place.

I admire that and think it's crucial not only to fully enter the characters' worlds and POV, but to be able to embrace the anti war theme. The books have so much more meaning when I accept that I love Ned, I believe the Westerosi were right to overthrow the Targs, but from Dany’s perspective, she is right to despise Starks. Her family was killed. To have Targs and Starks alike think of what Elia’s babies suffered with horror, even while they are on opposing sides of the war, that’s the truth about the war, isn't it? What we're meant to find at the heart of it all? It is tragedy for everyone. That’s what makes the series anti-war, it has to avoid glorifying violence, not just say it’s sad to lose—it must still be awful to win. When Maester Aemon mourns the death of his family, desperately wants to save Daenerys, I am meant to feel the tragedy in this, listen to the pain on both sides.

(I mean, I'm hardcore anti targ and all they represent, but I'm talking about what I believe Martin ideally wants)

As much as I believe Jon will have strong negative feelings about Rhaegar's choices, horror even, I can't imagine that Martin will write Jon's feelings as entirely one-note. He's gonna introduce some conflict, he always does. We don't yet know what that might be, but when I was rereading the Mance meeting, saw how Mance and Jaime both had a connection to Jon's central struggle, realized how the Rhaegar-esque aspect of Mance was associating Rhaegar to it all...well, I did entertain the thought that Rhaegar's actions can be read as a parallel to Jon's theme:

"Then Lord Eddard is a man in ten thousand. Most of us are not so strong. What is honor compared to a woman's love? What is duty against the feel of a newborn son in your arms … or the memory of a brother's smile? Wind and words. Wind and words. We are only human, and the gods have fashioned us for love. That is our great glory, and our great tragedy. (AGOT, Jon VIII)

Obviously, this is primarily about Jon, I expect it to play out in Jon’s story, but it does sound Rhaegar-esque. Jon might have been that baby to Rhaegar.

That would mean we condemn him for how he failed Elia and the babies, his kingdom, that Jon would still that horror, but would prevent Jon from being able to completely despise the man, as he too has felt torn between vows and love.

(insert my caveats re: prophecy baby, being very much at peace with Rhaegar bleeding out etc)

The pain comes in with complexity, and I think that’s what Martin wants even if I’m personally unmoved by it.

[gizdathemxel]

my hot take on purity culture is that nobody knows how to be normal about sex :3

(tw for sex, puritanism, pedophila (?) [not explicit tbh], and shitty discourse)

call me a puriteen n all but like has it not bothered you to ever think of why so many young people are sex negative (definitely not a culture and internet that puts us in sexual situations when we are far too young and far too uncomfortable) ? has it ever bothered u to ask why so many young people are not performing critical media analysis (definitely not a lackluster education and culture that dissuades us from thinking deeper about the media we read) ? when I was a minor I could not tell you how many people i knew (me included) struggled with porn addiction bc we were exposed to pornography when we were FAR too young. young people are taught to be ashamed of and fearful of sex while simultaneously having their sex lives being put on blast 24/7 for others to jack off to, and you expect us to NOT act out about it?

like yes, you are absolutely right that sex (esp queer sex) is a totally normal thing and that you should be allowed to write wtv you want to write and share it among other like-minded people! yes you’re absolutely right that sex is a huge part of queer history that has been historically wiped away and that needs to be preserved !! i will not argue that puritans won’t jump at any chance to censor and shame and discriminate against anyone they deem a deviant!!! that is true!!

but you cannot expect a bunch of young people, still educating themselves, still figuring out their sexual identity in a world that shames and sexualizes them, still figuring out how to truly interact w media to have already know that. you don’t have to educate them but like there’s no need to be like “erm…minors amirite 😒” when a block will suffice

it’s so ridiculously revisionist to act like the internet is ‘sanitized’ or is perfectly filtered out so that minors stay in minor spaces and adults stay in adult spaces. there are people posting porn on tiktok, on twitter, on tumblr, on every fucking platform one can think of (including youtube). it is truly not that hard to encounter adult material even when you’re a minor. people will gladly send you porn or similarly graphic stuff even if ur a minor. you literally couldn’t have looked up mlp on GOOGLE back in the late 2000s/2010s and not be shown mlp porn. there’s an infamous porn video of mlaatr where the main (16yo) character gets raped by rock creatures, and it looks JUST like the show’s art style. so it’s very likely that there’s a generation of people whose very 1st sexual exposure was watching their fave characters be placed in inappropriate sexual content when they were children. so yay learning about sex thru bastardization!!

and combine that with young people who have never actually been taught how to explore their sexuality and instead learned “if ur even horny for a minute you will go to hell and die” ur going to get ill-adjusted young people who do not know wtf theyre doing. u are going to get people who are going to bump their heads a fucking lot.

ill be honest and admit that when I was a kid I was definitely within the puriteen camp bc gw!! I was a queer kid who just started grasping their sexuality in the middle of the pandemic and all I had was unrestricted access to the internet, that gave everything to me at 110%

I am not asking that every space be wiped squeaky clean just in case that a minor might be present, but I am asking to extend a little grace. Drop educational sources a so called puriteen should refer to!! Show how that kind of puritanical thinking can do actual harm to marginalized people!! Don’t get in internet spays w kids!! Just block and move on!!

(also i will forever be giggling at that one comic abt a minor entering an “adult” space and then getting mad at the adults there and calling them pedos just for the ‘adult’ space the op was talking about to be sophia the 1st nsfw fanfic. i literally cant)

[crimeboys]

20 Questions For Fanfic Writers!

tagged by @lunelicmoone thank you so much :D

1: How many works do you have on Ao3?

32

2: What's your total Ao3 word count?

265,600 <- EVEN NUMBER POG

3: What fandoms do you write for?

dsmp actively!! written for spn and hannibal in the past

4: Top five fics by kudos?

it's nice to be wanted

blood and cigarettes

oh, how i want to be free

washed up

has the moon lost her memory?

this list actually surprised me bc i expected oh, how i want to be free at the top and didn't realize has the moon lost her memory? was that well-liked

5: Do you respond to comments? Why/Why not?

I TRY SO HARD. i really struggle with it for some reason bc i like.want to thank people and talk to them about the fic but also don't want to spoil and i feel like i just repeat myself a lot and yeah ]:

6: What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

the dark of our graves ig? it's like. fully angst though. the ending is just kind of the knowledge that wilbur is worse now and about to make that everyones problem. but also ig that fic is like. a snapshot of a whole story so idk if that counts. moderation ig, tommy and quackity are miserable af ! wait fuck me i was going through my list and flying actually probably takes it, i give tina and hannah gay love for five seconds and then erm well. i don't know i love making bitches miserable a lot of my fics are sad.

7: What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

probably either your world and mine (my osmp rocketduo fic) or it's nice to be wanted :]

8: Do you get hate on fics?

no which is good bc i am a spiteful little man

9: Do you write smut?

no, if there is ever sex in my fics i tend to fade to black and go Please look away this is private.

10: Do you write crossovers?

no, i don't like putting the characters i like in the same universe i like putting one set of them in the other universe and making them miserable within it instead.

11: Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge!

12: Have you ever had a fic translated?

yeah, blood and cigarettes was translated to russian!

13: Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no i am kind of scared of doing that actually i would get nervous.

14: What's your all-time favorite ship?

uhh idk recency bias says ctntduo

15: What's the WIP you hope to finish but doubt you ever will?

teehee

16: What are your writing strengths?

dialogue

17: What are your writing weaknesses?

description and conclusions. ending a fic is my worst nightmare im so bad at figuring out the right note. actually beginnings too i struggle to figure out exactly where to begin.

18: Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

sometimes people speak other languages so ? positive? if someone ever speaks in a language i don't understand in a fic i simply use google translate.

19: First fandom you wrote for?

percy jackson !! i actually probably wrote sonic the hedgehog fanfic when i was younger but i don't really remember i just remember drawing little comics.

20: Favorite fic you've ever written?

tbh i really enjoy blood and cigarettes. shoutout to bell forever for inspiring me to write that thang

tagging: @belltheash @bonesandthebees @lacystar @ literally anyone who wants to do it im completely blanking on all the writers i know rn. even if we are not mutuals just say i tagged you idgaf have fun !

[the-meme-monarch]

Suggestion: Maybe make a tag for like, posts involving discourse, like all your posts headcanon policing scc, being really rude to r34 artists, and discussing more srs issues, I love your art but admittfly im over sensitive about fandom. Cause like, its sad to see and artist that contributes such epic things to Fandom discouraging others from doing the same.

Sorry if this came off as rude at all. I've been sitting on sending this for a while and was worried I'd be bad at wording it (I'm autistic, tbh i, probably completely misreading your tone in these posts as harsher as I struggle to pick up on humor sometimes) all of this is very much /lh, I just dont wanna unfollow but I'm not sure what tag I should block?? Maybe you already have a similar tag that would work??? Sorry for taking up your time, I hope you have a lovely day :3 I love how cartoony your artstyle is. Tbh itd be cool if you made like, art tips posts nshjjdks your lines and shape language and colors are all top tier

I'm more confused than anything here so i hope this doesn't read as mean: As far as i can tell my "headcanon policing" is either me saying "sweet isn't jaded and isn't mean all the time" or "scc are teenagers" or "i think scc are siblings" which those first two are like. canon. third one i just tack on a 'dont tag as ship' tag bc i don't want ppl reblogging it and saying shit like "awwe the boyfriend's" on art where i am writing them as siblings.

I'm only mean to r34 artists who draw porn of minors. i don't like porn, period, but I'm not gonna be shitty about people drawing adult characters. (aging up characters who are minors is different. they looked at a child and wanted to sex them up, so they aged them up. which isn't alright)

and I'm really not sure what you mean by tagging more serious issues? I have trigger tags. if i forgot to tag something feel free to tell me so, or if you want a specific thing that I don't currently tag for, feel free to ask. asking me to tag "discourse" here is really vague

and also like. i have Just an art blog if that's all you want to see from me. @the-monarchs-art-gallery

[bklynmusicnerd]

What’s your stance on Jex looking like they are able to say I love you to each other before Sprina. I’m conflicted tbh, because even though Sprina is getting the slow burn/old school, long term writing for their relationship, it does rub me the wrong way that they seem to be blatantly playing in Sprina fans faces. They have given Jex literally everything we wanted in the same of their months long relationship from the first kiss, the first time, the constant sex, and now the I love yous. Meanwhile, It took Sprina two years to get to the first kiss, and they know we are are waiting on the ILYs/first time. I get if the writers have a favorite couple, but can they chill on being so blatant about it because it’s not helping people like Jex more. It actually could be doing the opposite.

When it comes to pretty much all things Joss and Dex, this is my stance:

I continue to think Joss and Dex are not well-executed writing wise. And as far as Dex professing his love to Joss, I will let Ewan Roy speak for me:

I still don't really know who Dex is at his core or what drives him, so why would I care that he apparently loves the flighty college girl he's sleeping with?

I guess that's why I'm fine with Trina and Spencer doing things at their own pace because I feel like I know them better. To me, Trina and Spencer saying "ILY" is an exciting formality. To make the unspoken but understood, clear. Trina and Spencer have basically been saying they love each other for the past two years with their actions. So I'm looking forward to those declarations as big character moments for them since they both have struggled with being honest about their feelings.

I'm really focused on these milestones from the perspective of what it means for Trina and Spencer's character arcs, that's it. I don't really care too much about what they're attempting to do with Joss and Dex until they are shoved in Trina and Spencer's orbit and start screwing up their writing. As long as they contain them in their surface-level writing corner, they can do whatever the hell they want with those two.

Trina and Spencer are fundamentally different characters than those two, so I don't expect them to have a similar timetable to them on anything, and I'm fine with that.