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late-to-the-party-81 · 3 years

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An Understanding

AN: Finally! Part 6 of An Artist and an Engineer. Find the previous part here and you can check out my masterlist here.

We are nearing the poly relationship, which is not where I was planning for this to go when I wrote my first fic for this (which ended up becoming part 3). But these boys have a mind of their own. I'm not sure when part 7 will be coming as I have two seasonal challenges to write.

Unbeta'd. Dividers by @firefly-graphics. Mood board and banners by me.

Summary: After the night where you watched Bucky and Steve together, feelings have changed between the three of you. You need to talk to Bucky about what he wants.

Relationship: Steve x Reader (established), Bucky x Reader (pre-poly)

Word Count: 3.9k

CW: Fluffy feels, pre-poly discussions, domestic fluff, a smidge of anxiety, oral sex (f receiving), unprotected P in V sex (don't do that, wrap it up!), Bucky being a cocky shit, Reader teasing him right back.

To say that everything had changed since that night would’ve been an understatement. Steve and Bucky had always been fairly affectionate with each other, more than the majority of men who are (mostly) friends, but those displays of affection had increased and you knew it was because both of them felt more comfortable expressing themselves in front of you. There were more hugs, more kisses, more cuddles on the couch. It wasn’t uncommon for you to turn up at Steve’s to find the two of them tangled on the sofa together, Bucky with a book, Steve with a sketch pad, just passing the time in each other’s company.

Steve was happier and more content. His artists block was well and truly gone, and he spent hours in his studio, churning out work after work, half way to the creation of a new exhibition if things kept on in this manner.

But it wasn’t just between the two of them. There was more affection between you and Bucky as well. He’d come up behind you and wrap his arms around you whilst you cooked or washed up. He’d cuddle up on the other side of you when you and Steve were on the sofa, his feet tangling with yours. When he left of an evening, leaving you and Steve alone, he would cup your cheek in his hand and drop a soft kiss to your forehead.

There was always a look of longing in his eyes when he left. An undercurrent of tension between the three of you. You thought back to your brief conversation with him as Steve lay asleep, sated on the bed before you both settled either side of him.

“Thank you for being here.”

“Any time darlin’. I’m always available for my best guy and his gal. You’re pretty special, you know that? Not many women would be happy to share their man.”

“Aahh, but he needs both us, I think?”

“And what about you, sweetheart?”

“Oh, Buck, yeah, I’m starting to think I need both of you too. Let me sleep on it with my two guys, okay?”

“Okay, yeah, I can get behind that.”

Was it possible that you were starting to fall in love with Bucky? And what would that mean for the three of you. You knew that Steve loved you, and you knew that he loved Bucky. But did he love you both in the same way? And how did Bucky really feel? God, it was all so confusing.

It was two weeks after ‘that night’ when you let yourself into Steve’s apartment and was surprised to find your boyfriend on his own.

“Hey, Steve. No Buck tonight?”

He pulled you to him, pressing a kiss to your lips, before sitting on the couch and drawing you to sit sideways on his lap.

“No, it’s just you and me tonight, Cali. Needed some one-on-one time with my favourite girl.”

His nose was pressed into your neck, just below your ear and you felt his lips moving against your skin as he talked. He was holding you firmly, as though worried you were going to slip away and you could feel his nervous energy. You leant back, cupping his face in your hands and tipping up his chin so you could look him in the eye.

“What’s wrong lover?”

You searched his face, trying to read every micro-expression. Whilst he was an extremely passionate man, you knew that he found it difficult to truly open up.

“I just love you so much, sweetheart. And I never wanna cause you any pain...and…”

You could see tears in his eyes, something you’d never seen before, at least in this context.

“Shhhhhh…. I know you love me Stevie. What is it?”

“I love him, Cali! I love Bucky. I…I think I always have, but never wanted to acknowledge it. And I’m so confused, because I also love you and I don’t want to lose you. I need you so much. I’m not me without you. But, I don’t think I can be without him either. I mean, we’ve always been there for each other, but I want more. I want him in my life, the way you are in my life.”

He took a deep breath and forced himself to make eye contact with you.

“You want to be with both of us, don’t you?”

“With everything that I am.”

You kissed him then. A kiss to let him know you weren’t hurt, that you loved him still. You relaxed into his arms, feeling warm and content in his arms, fingers plucking at the slight bobbling on the sleeve of his sweater.

“Have you spoken to him?”

“Yes…. He…he says he loves me too, but he doesn’t want to get between us. He doesn’t want to hurt you either. But he did tell me that you didn’t seem adverse to the idea, you know, of the three of us.”

You respond with a hum, letting your thoughts run around your head as you processed everything you’d been told. Night fell outside, but you stayed there, just thinking. Steve didn’t probe you, allowing you the mental space. After a while he put the television on, re-runs of old CSI episodes that didn’t really take much brain power to watch. He shifted you off his lap to sort out a plate of nibbles for you both, plus some drinks, drawing you into his side on his return, the plate balanced on one of his broad thighs and the mugs of chamomile tea on the coffee table in front of you.

You both finished the food and drinks as an episode was coming to an end. It wasn’t late by any means, but you turned in his embrace and pulled him down by his collar to kiss you. He let you take the lead, until the moment you sighed into his mouth….

“Take me to bed Stevie, I need you……”

He swept you up into his arms and did just that.

The next morning, as you lay entwined in each other, you turned to him carefully.

“I think I need to talk to Bucky. Just me and him.”

Steve dropped a tentative kiss on your forehead.

“Well, I’ve got to fly to Boston this weekend to do some of the ground work for the next leg of my exhibition. Would that give you the time you need?”

“I think so. But when I say talk, I don’t just mean that. Buck and I need to see if, you know, if he and I…”

You could feel yourself going red. But then again, you’d never in your life expected to be talking to your boyfriend about finding out if you and his best friend were sexually compatible before you defined the structure of your potential three-way relationship…..

“You two do what you gotta. I won’t be jealous, promise. I just want you to be happy, and him to be happy. For all of us to be happy. Whatever shape that takes.”

The rest of the week was busy, work wise. Thursday night Steve came over to your apartment, in a change from the norm, as you were working flat out. He was heading off to Boston in the morning, and wanted to say good bye properly, despite the fact that you’d see him again on Monday. He made love to you gently and tenderly, in a break from your standard routine of hot passionate, and quite often kinky, sex.

You’d arranged with Bucky for him to come to yours for dinner on Friday evening. That way you could get bits and pieces for it organised in and amongst your work. As 8pm neared you started to feel nervous, like you were going on a first date. You’d told Bucky that it would be casual so you had on jeans and baggy sweater, needing to be comfortable after a day of corporate Zoom meetings.

You’d made up some pizza dough, and it was portioned out, proving in a warm place, and a selection of toppings lay prepped in containers on the kitchen counter. The red wine was breathing, and you’d made the lighting a bit more intimate. This had been the worst bit. You wanted to set the right tone, but didn’t want it to all go straight to seduction mode. He might not want to have a physical relationship with you, at least regularly. He might only want to be with you ‘like that’ when Steve was present as a catalyst.

When he finally knocked on the door, you were so wound up, that you jumped, but when you opened it up, you found him standing there, a slightly shy smile on his face and bunch of flowers in his hand.

“Hey Buck, come in.”

You stood to the side and he walked into your small apartment. He’d never been there before and you could see him trying to take it all in without seeming nosy.

“Hey darlin’.”

He bent down to press a kiss to your cheek and then pressed the bouquet into your arms. You thanked him for them, and directed him to sit on your couch, as you went and fished a vase out from the back of a kitchen cupboard. He sat on the edge of the cushions, thumbs twiddling as you unwrapped the flowers and trimmed their stems. There was no denying that the silence was awkward.

Once the flowers were sorted to your satisfaction and the remains cleared away, you poured out two large glasses of the wine and walked over to the sofa with them. You passed one to Bucky before settling back into the corner opposite him, one leg tucked beneath you.

“Cheers!”

You raised your glass at him.

“To the weirdest conversation of my life.”

He chuckled at your joke and almost immediately the tension was broken. You both took long swigs from your glasses, before Bucky placed his on the table, and plucked yours out of you hand to join it.

“Come here….”

His voice was gruff, but jokey, as he pulled you across into his embrace, almost a mirror of the one you’d had with Steve earlier in the week.

“What about we put a movie on, have our dinner and save the heavy stuff for once we’ve got down this bottle and started the next?”

“Sounds like a plan, sweetheart. What are we having?”

“Create your own pizza. But I tell you now, if you tell me off for putting pineapple on mine we’re going to have to tell Steve that this isn’t going to work out.”

“How can you do this to me, darling! You really making me choose between Stevie and a crime against pizza?”

“Yup! Deal with it Buck-o!”

“What have I got myself into?”

You laughed and dragged him by his tattooed arm into your kitchen area.

Two hours later and you were both pleasantly full, the wine bottle was empty and the pair of you had been good-naturedly bickering about the film you had been watching. As the credits began to roll you pulled yourself up towards your kitchen, returning with another bottle of wine and the opener.

“So…..”

“Yeah……um…Stevie never did like to do anything the easy way.”

You snorted, amused by his tone.

“I suppose, my question is really how do we want this to work? Like is it that Steve is with me and also with you and we sort out some kind of rota. Or is it the three of us, sometimes alone, sometimes paired and sometimes all three? I mean, do you actually want to be with me, or have me involved. I mean this is really the first time we’ve spent together where Steve isn’t involved in some way or another.”

“I think, sweetheart, we should try to forget about Steve for the weekend. Maybe treat this like a first date, just us.”

He moved closer to you, cupping your face with his palm.

“There’s one problem with that Buck….”

You placed a hand over his chest.

“I don’t put out on a first date.”

“That’s not what Steve said.”

“I thought we weren’t talking about Steve?”

His face was close to yours now. You could feel his breath on your face, saw the desire in his eyes. You were having trouble breathing. You knew he was charismatic, but had never been on the receiving end of him at full force before. Your tongue snuck out of your mouth to wet your lips, now feeling suddenly dry.

“I suppose, with everything, we could probably consider this our third or fourth date.”

“Do you put out on those?”

“Sometimes? Depends if the guy can convince me it’s gonna be worth it.”

“Is that a challenge, darlin’?”

His free hand came up to smooth your hair back off your face, tucking a lock behind your ear.

“Bucky……”

His name came out of your mouth on a whisper.

“Yeah?”

“I know you’ve done it before, but please, kiss me…..”

His mouth descended gently onto yours, his plush lips moving, tasting you almost timidly. You gripped his large biceps, steadying yourself. He’d barely touched you and you were dizzy. You pressed into him harder, opening his lips with yours, deepening the kiss. He moaned as your tongue slid into his mouth, and you moved to straddle his lap, suddenly feeling the need to devour him, to own him. You could feel him start to harden in his jeans, and one of his hands moved from your face to your lower back, just above your ass, to encourage you to grind against him.

When did you last spend this long just making out and grinding? You felt like a teenager again, but you were so turned on you didn't care. Then Bucky moved both his hands to your hips, using his superior strength to manhandle and flip you, so you were pressed onto the cushions of the couch, with him above you. He pulled his mouth away from yours, kissing and nibbling at your neck, as his hands slid up your shirt, pushing it up and off. His lips then trailed over your collar bone and over the swell of your breasts encased in your comfy cotton bra.

Your fingers tangled in his hair, clutching him to your breasts as he sucked at each peak in turn through the thin fabric. You whined, you think it was supposed to be his name, but you couldn’t focus. His fingers worked the button and zip of your jeans and he tugged them down, his body sliding along yours, leaving a trail of sensation in his wake, as his scruff rubbed against your delicate flesh.

His nose pressed into the crotch of your plain cotton panties, and he inhaled deeply.

“Been dreaming about this pussy, darlin’. Almost died when you an’ Stevie let me at it that night we met. And then when I got my hand on it….in it….so tight sweetheart, so gorgeous. Can I make you feel good? Can I touch you here, kiss you?”

“Please, oh god, please, Buck.”

He yanked your jeans fully off, throwing them across the room, before scooping you up in his arms.

“Bedroom sweetheart?”

You flailed your arm out to direct him and he moved across your small apartment in half a dozen strides. He shoulder barged your door open and practically tossed you down onto your mattress, making you laugh as you bounced across the sheet. He pulled his own t-shirt off and your eyes re-familiarised themselves with his toned body, the full sleeve tattoo on his left arm, the dark hair that trailed down from his belly button.

Bucky’s hands gripped your panties and dragged them off your body, looking down at your glistening pussy, and then up into your eyes as he licked his lips. He dropped to his knees at the end of your bed, and pulled you down towards him before tossing your legs over his shoulders. He let out a noise akin to a growl just before his mouth descended to connect with you.

The first time he’d done this you were delirious from the orgasms that Steve had pulled out of you, and dripping with his cum. It had felt fantastic, but later you’d put it down to all the other contributing factors. However, now you were experiencing it for the second time you knew one thing. It was ALL Bucky. He was just that talented. It was like he was making out with your cunt, his tongue curling into your entrance like he wanted to get every trace of your essence.

And then he started with his fingers. Those wide calloused fingers, so different to Steve’s don’t think about Steve. One at first, as his tongue moved up to play with your clit. Then two, stretching you, oh-so-good. You rolled your hips up, fingers gripping his hair again, tugging at it making him moan into your core. He retaliated, using his tongue to trace the letters of his name right against your bundle of nerves.

“Bucky! Fuck!”

He chuckled against your folds and slowly pushed in his third finger, forcing air out of your lung with the pleasurable burn. Then he crooked his fingers and your eyes rolled into the back of your head. You could feel the roughness of the pads of his fingers and your channel clenched around the intruding digits.

He sucked on your clit and massaged your g-spot and your legs trembled around his head.

“Oh god, fuck, shitshitshitshit!”

Your orgasm washed over you and through it all you could hear the vulgar sounds of Bucky feasting on you, the squelch as his fingers moved in and out, fucking you through the waves of pleasure, and drawing it out until you were mewling in overstimulation.

Bucky crawled back up your body, kissing your glistening skin all the while, then propped his elbows either side of your head and rested his chin on his fists. You looked up at him and rolled your eyes at his shit-eating grin. He looked completely debauched, hair all over the place and his face still bearing the evidence of your release.

“You’re incorrigible…..”

He just smiled all the more, before grinding his hips, and his erection, against you, making you gasp as the rough denim ground against your still sensitive clit.

“Convinced you it’s gonna be worth it yet? Or do I need to ‘convince’ you again?”

You pursed your lips, making a joke of being deep in consideration, when he ground his hips again. All pretence flew out the window, as your hands scrabbled at the fasting of his jeans.

“Off, now, fuck….”

He just continued to grin as he rolled away and kicked off his jeans and briefs, before grabbing and pulling you over, to straddle his hips.

“Do what you want darlin’, I’m just here to make sure you have a good time.”

You smiled at him and traced the patterns of flowers on his arm.

“You want me to use you, Buck? Just take my pleasure from your body? Make myself come on your cock?”

His eyes closed and he bit his lower lip, trying, and failing, to hold back a moan. You shifted, so your wet pussy was pressed against his cock, and teased him with your warmth and your wetness, rocking slightly so your still engorged clit rubbed against his flared head.

“Sweetheart, please, you’re killing me…”

“You begging Bucky?” “If it will make you fuck me already, then yes! Please darlin’, Cali, babydoll!”

You took pity on him, and yourself, by lifting yourself up, taking hold of his length and slowly letting your pussy engulf the tip.

You’d been dreaming about this cock from the first time your seen it, imagining how it would feel as it entered you, but those dreams didn’t compare to reality. You couldn’t help it, you just had to tease yourself with it, dipping up and down, just letting the wide mushroom head move back and forth through your sensitive entrance.

“God, Bucky, you feel so good, fuck……..”

He whined beneath you, struggling to control himself, so you finally sank all the way down, feeling him fill you and rub against your g-spot.

“Oh fuck!”

His shout was loud in your small apartment.

You leant back slightly, your arms behind you, bracing on his thighs as you lifted your began to fuck yourself on him. His hands held onto your hips, to steady you, doing nothing to change your pace.

“You look so good up there sweetheart, so fucking sexy. Can’t wait for you to cream all over me, fuck.”

You were panting, concentrating on you pleasure, the feel of him inside you, the tightening of that coil in you abdomen.

“Touch me Bucky, please, so close!”

He lifted his left hand to his face, sucking his thumb into his mouth, before pressing it between your folds, rubbing circles on your bud. His right hand trailed up to palm at your breast, tweaking and pulling your nipple.

“Ah… ah… ah… shit!”

“That’s it darlin’, fuck…feel so good squeezing my dick.”

The wave started in your core, travelling up and down your body to the tips of your toes and the ends of your hair, and you cried out at the feeling. You were still riding your high when he pulled you up and flipped the pair of you, hands braced on the mattress, and started to rail you.

All you could do was hold on, legs tight round his waist, nails digging crescent shaped dents into his muscular shoulders. You were still sensitive and the way he was thrusting and grinding against you, his public hair crushed against your clit, had you right on the edge again.

“BuckyBuckyBucky!”

“I know, doll, I know, gonna cum soon, fuck, but you got one more for me?”

This third orgasm slammed into you due to the overstimulation, and you were screaming, your body arching underneath Bucky’s. You hear him groan into your ear, his hips stuttering against yours, his cock pulsing inside you as he came.

You were both quiet for a few minutes after, slightly dazed. Bucky rolled off you, but took hold of one of your hands, either grounding himself or ensuring you didn’t run away or a bit of both. But it was him who broke the silence.

“So... worth it?”

You laughed and punched him lightly in the shoulder.

It… sex… was different with Bucky than with Steve. Steve was brooding and intense. Bucky was silly and fun. Not to say that Steve wasn’t fun, he definitely had his moments, but Bucky was so light-hearted. Maybe it would be good for Steve, to finally have this with Bucky. If he’d been denying himself for so long, it was no wonder he was slightly emotionally constipated. Not that you wanted him to change, you loved his intense side, the way he loved you as if the world could end any moment.

There were other, practical considerations to work out, conversations and negotiations, but lying here, next to Bucky, and thinking about Steve and how happy you could all be together, made you think that this really could work, the three of you.

You turned to look at Bucky, your smile in your eyes.

“Yeah, it was worth it. But don’t let it go to your head…..”

You couldn’t wait for Monday, and Steve’s return.

#steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #steve rogers #marvel #bucky barnes #stucky #marvel fanfic #marvel fan fiction #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes x you #pre-poly #nsft #marvel smut

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sorryjustafangirl · 3 years

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what home is

a/n: this is my submission for @antoineroussel 's summer fic exchange 2k21! thank you for organizing this all demi. i recieved @timstuetzle and i am so excited to finally share this! im sorry it's so late but i had a lot of fun writing for Tim and i hope i did him justice! i made this a gender neutral reader again, so please enjoy my take on some friends to enemies to lovers :)

pairing: tim stützle x reader

word count: 18k+ (holey moley)

warnings: some angst, set in no covid-universe, a few swears, an odd timeline

disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and real person fiction if you don’t like that, please don’t read! the banner is made by me, with photos found from pinterest and the transparent made by @art-and-the-hockeys (thank you!!!)

The start of the season was your favourite. The chill of the rink, the sound of skate edges on the ice, the smell of skate sharpening- it was all so familiar. As an analyst, the start was the best. There were new lineups, new plays, and a chance to try new things. Considering this was your first year as a real analyst, not just checking over others' work, you were excited. You got to actually help to build a Stanley Cup winning team.

What you didn’t love was how everyone seemed to lose their heads and decide to run around the arena. You’d been looking for the coach of the Ottawa Senators for the past twenty minutes. You’d think the man would be in his office the first day back, but no. He decides to take a stroll to who-knows-where and leaves you to follow invisible breadcrumbs.

Eventually, you found yourself on one of the lower levels. You continued down the hallway, entering an open space with concrete floors. The bustle of the new season was in full swing as you swerved between various people working like gears in a machine. You tried to do your best to stay out of other people’s way but you still ended up walking into a hard surface.

“Oof!” Shit. Hard surfaces don’t usually talk. You looked up at what you ran into and saw two men staring at you. Both were wearing Senators hoodies but one was a taller blond and the other a slightly shorter brunet. The brunet has a backwards snapback on but that wasn't what made you stop in your tracks. It was his eyes. They were soft and welcoming, something like a home cooked meal, but they had a glint of adventure in them.

“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry! I wasn’t really looking where I was going. I am so sorry.” You apologized to the blond you ran into.

“Hey, all good. I’m-”

“Number 7.” You turned toward the brunet. “And...number 18, right?” When they both gave you a weird look, you shrugged. “I’m an analyst here so, uh, you’re just numbers to me.”

“Okay, ouch but you are the reason we’re going to be winning more games this season, so I'll give it to you. I’m Brady, and this is Jimmy.” The blond gestured to himself first, before gesturing beside him.

“It’s Tim, actually.”

You introduced yourself to the two players, before looking around the hallways. “Um, would either of you happen to know where the coach is? I can’t find him,” You held up the file folders in your hands. “I’ve got new numbers for him.”

“Oh yeah he’s probably close to the ice, we’ll show you.” Brady started down a hallway, both you and Tim falling in stride behind him. “So Numbers-”

“-Y/n-” You glared at Brady for the nickname, rolling your eyes as he continued on. From your peripheral vision, you saw the corners of Tim's mouth turn up.

“-If you don’t mind me saying….either you look really good for your age, or you aren’t old enough to be working here,” He continued, giving a glance your way.

You looked down at your shoes and gave a sigh. “I get that a lot, and I am young-er than my colleagues but I assure you, I am qualified to work for this organization.”

“Wasn’t doubting that, just seeing how much I get to tease ya. Jimmy’s the rookie,” He elbowed him and Tim tried to swerve around it, only to bump into a stack of pylons. Brady and you shared a grin at his expense. “So he gets all the teasing. Same for the numbers people. You’re the rookie.” He shrugged

“Well, I’m not actually a rookie anymore. This is my second year here,” You mentioned, looking towards the two guys. Brady looked impressed whereas Tim’s eyes went large and his jaw slack a little.

“How?” He asked, and you laughed. The three of you turned a corner, and you walked slightly faster to talk.

“I graduated high school pretty early. And then took my statistics undergrad at the University of Ottawa. I minored in sports studies and I met your GM at a conference for the department. When he found out I was in Ottawa alone, he kinda took me under his wing, checked in every now and again. When I graduated two years ago, he offered me an analyst position and I was lucky enough to land it. I love working here, even if I’m way younger than everyone else. Last year, I stayed in my office a lot, double checking people’s work but this year, they gave me more responsibility. I’m excited for the challenge.”

“You are going to be great.” Tim said, meeting your eyes, his gaze showing that his comment was genuine. You ducked away from his gaze but muttered a ‘thanks’. The three of you rounded another corner, Brady ducking out to talk to a reporter, but Tim said he’d help you find the coach.

You settled into a comfortable silence as you walked beside each other through the chilled hallways. He abruptly took a left turn, cutting you off and causing you to bump into him. You immediately apologized, this being the second time today you’d run into a hockey player.

“‘S my fault, I’m still getting used to the new arena,” He said, a sheepish smile appearing on his face. He nodded his head down the hallway, as a silent ‘after you’ and you started walking. As you got further down, you realized Tim walked you out to the bench. The light became brighter, the air a little crisper, and the floor turned from a concrete grey to a bright red. Your eyes wandered up, admiring the view from down here. You’d be truthful earlier, you’d only ever visited your office. But from down here, you could see everything- the thousands of seats, the banners hanging from the ceiling, the crystal white ice. You stood close to the wall, as if to try to intimidate a fly on a wall, seeing everything as if you weren’t there. You could feel Tim could up from behind you, letting you take it all in for the first time.

“That’s Coach,” He leaned closer to you as he pointed across the ice towards someone in a tracksuit. You nodded and although Tim dropped his hand, he stayed close to you. The coach eventually noticed the two of you and started to skate over to the bench. Tim cleared his throat and you looked at him.

“I got to- I have to go now, but, um, I’ll see you around?” You nodded to his question, a soft smile on your lips. He rocked back and forth on his heels, as if he knew he had to leave but he kept getting pulled towards you. “Good luck with the season.”

“Good luck with yours too.” At that he turned away from you, and you turned to the coach, pulling out your file folder to talk with him.

***

A week or two later and the start of the season was upon the Canadian Tire Centre. The home opener was in a few days and your week had been hectic, trying to get notes from practices and implement what you saw into your analysis. After a morning full of spreadsheets, you decided to take your lunch break in your sanctuary. Last year, the arena felt too big to stick around in on your lunch break. So you had headed outside, where you discovered a small hiking trail about a ten minute drive from work. It quickly became a place where you went whenever you needed to clear your head. And after the morning you had, it was the perfect place to go, so you hopped in your car and started towards it.

At the top of the hill, you put the car in park, grabbed your lunch bag and started towards your spot. It was past the picnic tables that had a nice view of the suburbs, but it wasn't secluded. Your spot was off the beaten path, but there was a small ledge with a perfect view of the arena, highway, and surrounding green spaces. You turn the corner, ducking under a tree branch, ready to exhale the heck of the morning you had.

But there was already someone sitting in your spot. Their head was down, but you recognized the logo and number 18 on their hoodie. Cautiously, you approached him.

“18...Is it okay if I sit here?” You asked, and his head shot up. He shot you a small smile and quick nod. You sat down, placing your bag in front of you, taking out a granola bar.

“You can call me Tim, you know. That is my name,” You gave him a shy smile and you could feel your cheeks heat up at his comment.

“I didn’t think anyone knew about this place, Tim,” You mentioned quietly. It felt weird, to be honest, to be sharing your spot with someone, but it didn’t feel like he was intruding.

“My city in Germany has a lot of parks. There’s a forest near my house where I’d go when I needed a break. This is the closest I could find near the rink. I hope you don’t mind?”

“Just don’t go telling the whole team about our place,” you winked at him and took a bite of your snack.

“I can keep a secret, don’t worry.” He laughed lightly and sent you a smile.

“I don’t know if you remember me but-”

“You’re the analyst, you graduated super early right? Y/n, yeah?”

“Yeah, that’s me,” You smiled at him. “So, how are you liking Ottawa?”

“It’s alright, I haven’t seen very much of it. The ice is very good. My house is nice.” He shrugged and you gaped at him.

“That’s all you’ve seen? So you haven’t been to Parliament Hill or ByWard market or…?” you trailed off when you saw him biting his bottom lip and slowly shaking his head. “Well, you are missing out, you should go see the city sometime.”

“Do you think you could show me around? You seem to know all the best places,” He offered. You met his eyes and nodded. He dug his phone out of his pocket, passing it over to you. You raised your eyebrows at the gesture but he just pushed his phone closer to you. Silently, you imputed your number, placing a small graph emoji beside your contact name. You handed it back to him and a small smirk graced his face when he saw the emoji, before he pursed his lips at the device. You furrowed your eyebrows.

“Sorry, it’s all good. Thank you. It’s- I have to go back now, but I’ll text you, yeah?” You nodded as he handed back your phone. He walked towards the parking lot, but turned around to wave at you before he disappeared around the bend.

Later that day as you sat in the stands, a clipboard and pen in your hands, you got a text from an unknown number.

It's 18 :)

You chuckled at his use of his number and texted him back.

i thought you said i could call you tim? :(

also it’s practice?? how are you on your phone?

It starts in a couple minutes

your teammates are already on the ice

Spying on me already??

it’s literally my job to watch you practice

Guess I'll see you in the stands then :)

Oh and I'm free this weekend for that showing of the city, team bonding’s on friday

i’ll check my schedule and get back to you

now get out on the ice or you’re going to be late :)

***

You had checked your schedule, and agreed to meet that Saturday. You said you’d pick him up since you knew more of the city. You didn't want to be late so you arrived five minutes early in front of Tim's place. He walked out in his signature backwards snapback, some curls poking out the front, and a monochromatic beige outfit. Waving animatedly at you, he jogged to the car, his ever present smile on his face.

The twenty minutes ride into the city was quiet yet comfortable. A few words were exchanged about how each other’s day was so far but nothing groundbreaking. The low hum of the engine filled the silence as you drove into the city.

After parking in a Superstore (‘Free parking in downtown Ottawa is hard to come by, Tim. We’re parking in the grocery store parking lot’) and walking a few blocks, you come to the far end of the market. Lined with local businesses and brick streets, it felt homey. Tim smiled as it reminded him of back home.

“So, what are we going to see first? Your school?” He asked as the two of you walked along the streets. You laughed and shook your head.

“Pfft no. It isn’t all that interesting. I figured we’d see some of my favourite places, if that’s okay?” He assured you it was and the two of you continued through the streets, Tim with his head down as you passed people. He wasn't famous just yet, but in Canada you find hockey fans at every corner. Soon, you arrived in a small plaza with coloured picnic tables and muskoka chairs.

“Ta-da!” You gestured to the large block letters that spelled ‘Ottawa’ in the middle of the space. “It’s not much, but you’ve got to be a tourist in your own city at least once right?” He laughed along with you and you got out your phone, ready to take a picture of him so he could send it to his parents. You thought he would want a picture of him but he was quick to insist you had to be in the picture as well.

“I’m sorry, but would you mind taking a picture of us?” You asked one of the girls who were taking turns with the Ottawa sign.

“Oh sure!” You stood beside him, between the two ‘T’s in Ottawa, his arm slung over your shoulders. You smiled and looked up at Tim to see him smiling as well- and not one of those classic boy coy half smiles, a genuine one. She took a few landscape and a few portrait ones before handing your phone back. “You two are such a cute couple!”

Before you could correct the girl, Tim answered for you. “We’re just friends actually.” She apologized profusely before rejoining her group. You shuffled your feet as an awkward silence overcame you for the first time since you’d met. Your body shivered and you promptly changed the subject.

“Hey, you hungry?” He shrugged and nodded. You nodded and led him away from the sign, through a few back alleys lined with a few merchants, home artists and such. You entered a building, bustling with people. It was long and narrow, with brick flooring and merchants on either side of the middle. There were lots of people, ranging from people doing their weekly grocery shopping to tourists looking for souvenirs. You weaved between strollers and friend groups, Tim grabbing your hand to avoid getting lost. He kept his head low, hoping it would disguise him enough. This day was about you and him, not you, him and the hockey world. Eventually, the two of you exited the indoor market and came to a small opening. Instead of staying in the opening, you turned left, tugging Tim across the street to two small shacks, one red and one blue. The red one had a classic fairytale vibe to it, with beige wainscotting, red painted window frames, and topped with a white and light brown canopy over the window. Underneath the canopy, there was a string of small Canadian flags.

“Do you trust me?” He arched one of his eyebrows but nodded. “I’ll be right back.” Confused, Tim stood there as you walked up the window, spending no time looking at the menu as you ordered. He looked above the shack to see in fancy lettering the word BeaverTails. When you came back, you were holding two paper containers and had a smile on your face. He looked at the sign and then back to the bags in your hands.

“A beaver’s… tail?” You laughed at him and handed him his BeaverTail.

“It’s not actually a beaver’s tail. It’s just a fried pastry that looks like one. They come in lots of flavours but I got you the best one, cinnamon sugar.” You could tell he was hesitant but bit into his and you took a bite of your own.

Almost instantly, he groaned. “Do you take every guy here? Wow. Oh my god,” He got cinnamon smeared over his chin and you laughed as he tried to wipe it off while holding his pastry.

“Hilarious Tim, but I’ll have you know you’re like my only friend here. So… no I don’t take anyone here.” He scoffed and you raised your eyebrows.

“You’re joking. How do you not have other friends? You’re great,”

“I started university as a 16 year math major. It’s not a surprise people didn’t want to talk to me. But it’s okay. I’m used to it by now.”

“Don’t you have people from home come and visit?”

You scoffed. “I don’t really get along with my mum. We moved around a lot when I was younger and I always sorta resented her for not seeing how it affected me. And then, when I got accepted to school out here, she sold the house and started travelling. Last I talked to her, she was in Tahiti.” He raised his eyebrows.

“What about your dad? Or brothers or sisters?” You swallowed your piece of BeaverTail before answering him.

“I have an older sister, Dani. But she’s eight years older than me, so we're not the closest. She checks in every week or so because she knows my mum doesn't. She’s never come out to visit though, she runs her own business back in Seattle.”

“It must be nice to have someone though. Especially when you were growing up. What about your dad?”

“I don’t- I don’t talk about my dad.” You picked at the pastry before changing the topic. “C’mon, you have to see this place.” You gestured to a side street and the two of you made your way towards your favourite destination. You exited beside a taller building and you pressed the button to allow the two of you to cross the street. As you were waiting for the light to turn, you turned to Tim.

“So, I’m guessing you don’t have any siblings then?”

“No, but the guys at the rink were like my brothers so it wasn’t bad.” The light turned red, and the ‘walk’ light turned on. You made your way across, staying close to each other as people walked both ways.

“Hockey tends to do that,”

“Is that why you picked to work in hockey?”

You glared at him as you made it across the street. “That’s personal.”

“We’re friends, aren’t we? Friends share personal stuff.”

“That’s… it’s just different.” You shook your head and lowered the volume of your voice. “Besides, we’re here.” The two of you had stopped in front of some shallow steps that led to a tall archway, with black statues underneath and on top of the arch. It had some engravings on it, both small and large letters. From where they were standing, Tim could make out some numbers, but not well enough to understand the significance. Behind the monument and slightly to the right was the green tipped roof and gothic architecture of the Parliament building.

“What is this place?” He tilted his head as he looked at the arch in the middle of the square. To him, it wasn’t anything special, perhaps another statue of one of the colonizers of the country.

“It’s Canada’s war memorial.” You whispered, and he nodded, clasping his hands in front of his body and lowering his head. “When I was going to school, I’d come here at least once a week.”

His head stayed where it was but he raised his eyes to meet yours. “Why?”

“I know it’s not exactly everyone’s favourite place...because I know so many people died for the country, but for me, it’s a place of silence. Of reflection. It reminds me to be grateful for everything I have. Some days school would be really bad, so this place was perfect to sit and remember that life isn’t bad at all. Not when I was in a safe country, not when I had an education, not when I had a warm house to go back to.”

He nodded. “That seems...perfect. Some days are too loud, there’s too many people saying stuff. I get that.” His voice was quiet as well, as he lifted his head to focus on the stonework and engravings. The two of you stood in silence in front of the memorial for a few minutes more before you tugged on his arm.

“See that building?” You leaned in close to him, your finger extending to point at a building in the distance, a little taller than the ones around it. “That’s the university’s mathematics and physics department. I had most of my classes in that building.” He nodded, leaning in closer to you, your heads almost touching. You lowered your hand and nodded with your head towards the way you came.

“C’mon, we’re not done yet. You’ve got to see the Parliament building.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and headed left towards it. You quickly grabbed his hand and pulled him right. “I’m the tour guide, remember? Trust me, there’s a better view.” You dropped his hand as he started to walk in time with you but you had to shove it in your pocket to replace the heat his hands gave you.

A quick ten minutes walk later and you stood atop a hill overlooking the river. It was a large park with benches and an eccentric art installation in the corner. You walked close to the peak of the hill and stopped, breathing in the fresh air.

“There is Canada’s capital building. It’s nicer to see it from here than from the front where there’s a bunch of tourists. Besides, from here, you get to see more of the architecture.” The building was across the river, its massiveness more pronounced from your viewpoint. There was a dome nearest the river that was covered in flying buttresses, each support beam having intricate details that stood out. The clock tower and green tinted roof completed the gothic look.

“This view is better. Quieter. It reminds me more of home,” You bump your shoulder against his lightly.

“Glad you like it.” The two of you stood in silence until Tim shivered, at which case you decided you should start heading back. If the hockey player was cold, it was cold enough for you too.

The walk and drive back was uneventful, aside from the two of you passing jokes back and forth. When it came to drop him off, he unbuckled his seatbelt but didn’t make an effort to leave the vehicle.

“How much for our snack? I’ll pay you back,”

You waved him off. “It was my treat, don’t worry about it.” He pursed his lips, then shook it. He pulled out his phone from his pocket. A few seconds later, your phone dinged. You glared at him as you opened the text to see an e-transfer. Before you could protest, he cut you off.

“You never said I couldn’t pay for your gas," He laughed, and despite your annoyance at the loophole, you found yourself laughing along with him. He had that effect on you; he seemed to be able to ease any tension you held. “I had a good time today. Maybe we could meet again sometime?”

“I’d like that. I’ll see you at the rink?” He nodded before getting out of your car, waving like he did that morning as you drove off to your place. When you arrived home, you saw a new text from him.

Can you send those pictures you took today?

You tried to suppress a smile, sending them over to which he responded with a ‘Thank youuuu’. You set your phone on your nightstand and turned off the light. Despite your efforts, you fell asleep with a smile on your face from a perfect day with a great person.

***

“Hey, Numbers!” You stopped in your tracks and turned around to see Brady sticking his head out of the dressing room. He had taken a liking to calling you that, especially as you had started hanging around the house more. It was nice, movie nights and sometimes you’d take a pre-game nap with Tim, you had even stayed for lunch at Tim’s request. At this point, it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for Brady to shout the nickname from anywhere. Practice had ended and you had given your notes to the coach about what to focus on for the Toronto game. “You didn’t happen to see Jimmy, did you?” When you shook your head, his face scrunched into a small frown.

“Where’d he go? Didn’t media like just end?”

He shrugged. “He didn’t even bother to change from media, he just stalked out. He didn’t say anything to any of the guys, so I thought you might’ve seen him.”

“I’ll keep a lookout for him,” You told Brady before he returned to finish dressing and you returned to your office. But even after you’d settled back into your work, there was a feeling in your stomach you couldn’t quite place. Sending a quick text off to Tim, asking where he was, you dove back into work. But it only took five minutes before you were checking your phone, seeing if he’d read the text or responded. When neither happened, you gave him a call. It sent you straight to voicemail and you hung up before you could leave a message. The feeling in your stomach grew and you packed up your bag, knowing no more work would get done tonight. It wasn’t like Tim to sulk or get in his head; he was a generally happy guy. Something must have set him off for him to be acting this way -- even with you. And if it was something this big, there was only one spot he would’ve gone.

“Brady said you stalked out of media. Figured I’d find you here.” He turned around at the sound of your voice, his shoulders dropping a little. He shrugged, which you took as your cue to take a seat beside him at your lookout space. The sun was setting, the golden hour light reflecting on his stress lines, and the sky was littered with wispy clouds.

Your hands were in the pockets of your hoodie, your legs tucked together. Despite being here for close to six years, the Canadian chill always surprised you. You sat with your shoulder pressed to his, a silent symbol of you being there for him. With his head down, he mumbled something too quiet for you to hear, so you leaned your head down to hear him better. At your movement, he huffed and lifted his head.

“I’m supposed… They wanted me to come and make a difference and to help win games. But I’m not helping! I’m supposed to be putting up points and helping win games, but we’re still losing! Like, why do I suck?”

Your chest got tight at his words. “Tim…”

“You can’t deny it, the numbers say we’re losing.”

“Losing doesn’t mean you aren’t producing. This is your first year in the NHL, you wouldn’t be here if they didn’t think you were worth it. Hockey is a team sport, it isn’t just your job to win the game.”

“But they wouldn’t have gotten me right out of the World Juniors if they didn’t need me to start making an impact right away! They were counting on me. And I’m not living up to it….”

“You are nineteen years old. Nineteen. The five other rookies ahead of you in points are all at least two years older than you. Let that sink in. You have so many years ahead of you. And secondly, no one here is expecting you to turn this team around. McDavid’s first year he didn’t turn the team around. And sure, yeah, the next year, the Oilers had more success but guess what? They missed the playoffs the next three years. Hockey is a team sport, one person, not even McDavid, can completely turn a team around. No one is expecting you to turn this team around in one season. This isn’t on you.”

“But the numbers…”

“Are you going to trust the analyst on the numbers or the assholes on Twitter?” He glared at you but let you continue on. “If you really want to talk numbers, we aren’t last in the league anymore. We’ve beat the top team in the division a couple times now. You’re putting up points, you’re helping us win. Cut yourself some slack. You’re nineteen and living in a new country. This team isn’t expecting you to be Ottawa’s saviour, okay?”

“There’s pressure to be better though! Everywhere I go, I just see how I should be doing more, how if I don’t produce more, I’m going to be a draft bust. I’m the young guy, I’m supposed to be the new blood and be able to make a difference. I feel like I’m letting everyone down.” His words lingered in the sunset glow, a contrast to the darkness he was feeling. You fell silent at his outburst, the air feeling too quiet, even with his heavy breathing. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

You ignored his apology, knowing he would never intentionally hurt you. “I graduated with a 3.8 GPA. I didn’t have enough job experience but my grades were one of the only reasons I was able to get hired so young. My first year, all I did was double check other people’s stats and predictions, and it was okay. No one expected much out of me because I was young and they didn’t really give me any responsibilities. But this year… they’re looking to me more. Teams with more than two analysts are more likely to produce teams that make the playoffs. I’m number three; I should be helping make a better team. But I’m not. I’m not getting the numbers we need or the stats we need. I know more updated methods and technologies but...it’s just not working. I’m not finding solutions to problems that this team has had for years. And the board and my colleagues see that. I know I shouldn’t worry about them firing me, but I still do. I mean, I’m not producing, why would they keep me around? This wasn’t what they wanted when they gave me the job.”

“They won’t fire you, you’re doing your best. And you’re young, you graduated early. They have to give you a chance to prove yourself in the workplace before they fire you.”

“You wanna take your own advice?” He flushed at your words, but you smiled. “Thanks, though.” He nodded and looked out over the suburbs surrounding the arena.

“The pressure in this league sucks.” He said and you leaned your head on his shoulder.

“Yeah. It does. But we’ll get through it right?”

“We’ll figure something out. Together.” He placed his hand on your thigh and the two of you looked out at the sunset, his touch lingering on your body until the sun disappeared behind the horizon. Silently, he helped you to your feet, and walked you to your car, making sure you got in okay, before he got into his car. On the drive home, your chest felt lighter from the conversation.

***

The final buzzer rang, signalling a 4-2 win for the Senators. You smiled at the scoreboard and gathered your papers. The game was nothing spectacular, but for you, it was a career defining game. Some of the lines you'd suggested were risky, but you had the numbers to back it up, and it worked. It worked. The conversation with Tim earlier last week helped with your confidence to take risks in terms of your analytic advice.

You went back to your office after the game, wanting to type up a report of how you impacted tonight's outcome. If it worked this time, who's to say it couldn't work again? But in a higher stakes game? You felt like you were finally contributing to the team, and damn, it felt good.

Your office was barely even that. It was small, but you had a desk, a window, and your name on the door. It was enough for your first major gig. You'd made it a little homey-er with a small succulent and some motivational quotes. You opened up your laptop and began to type up a document report. The words flowed from your fingers and you used the numbers you counted from the box to back up your findings. Time seemed to stand still as you typed, the document becoming longer and longer.

A knock broke your train of thought and you looked up to see Tim poking his head through your office door. He had a shy smile on your face and you shook the writing haze out of your eyes.

"Hey! Come on in," He nodded, closing the door behind him before leaning against the wall. "You played a good game." His cheeks flushed and he lifted his hat, running his fingers through his hair.

"Thanks, thank you. Anyway, did you eat yet?"

"I mean, I had an iced coffee before the game and a granola bar during the second period. So yeah?" Immediately he started shaking his head and he pushed himself away from the wall. You open your hands as if to say 'what’?" and he outstretched his hand to you.

"Coffee and a granola bar isn't a meal. Let's go get some real food, I'm hungry." He made a grabby hand with his outstretched hand and you sighed.

"I have to finish my report, I can't." He sighed, pushed your laptop shut, and grabbed your hand.

"That can wait. Besides, the boys went out and I need a ride home." He flashed you a shy smile and you rolled your eyes, before picking up your bag and leaving your office with him. You tried not to notice how Tim was still holding onto your hand, but as he tugged you along to a quiet area of the concourse, it was difficult to do. He stopped at a small table with two bar stools. He let go of your hand, cold enveloping you, and you hung your bag on the back of the chair. As you hopped onto the chair, he stayed standing, tapping his fingers on the tabletop.

“What do you want to eat?" When you shook your head again, he pulled out his puppy dog eyes. "Tim, seriously, I'm fine."

"I'm getting some fries and you will eat some of them. Deal?" Your face pulled into a frown and he repeated himself. "Deal?"

"Yes, Mom, deal."

He gave himself a self assured smile. "Great. I'll be right back."

A few minutes later he came back with a container of fries and two small containers. He set them down in front of you before he got seated. A closer look at the container showed one was ketchup and the other was…

"Is this mayo?" He picked up a fry, dipped it in the white substance, and popped it into his mouth. With his mouth full, he nodded. "You eat your fries with mayonnaise?"

"You don't?"

"No!" You shook your head. He took another fry, dipped it again, and ate it.

"You have to try it, it's good!"

“No, no thank you. You can keep your weird German eating habits to yourself." You laughed, dipping a fry in ketchup before eating it.

"Nope, you've got to try one. Please?" You scrunched up your nose, and he held out a white coated french fry. You gave in, taking it from his hands and shoving it in your mouth. You chewed it slowly, contemplating the taste.

"It's...not horrible." He raised his eyebrows at you. "Fine, it's alright." He gave you another look, a small smile forming on his face despite his efforts to hide it. "Okay, okay, I like it. Happy?" He let out a loud laugh.

"Yes! I knew you'd like it!" You laughed a little with him, before dipping another fry in the mayo and popped it in your mouth. The two of you ate in silence, the sounds of the zamboni in the background.

"Why didn't you go out with the guys? You had a good game,"

He shrugged. "I wanted something quieter. Besides, I was hungry and the guys wanted to go out to a bar. Bar food isn't exactly a meal."

"Neither is french fries,"

"Well, maybe, you're just better company than the guys."

"Damn right, I am." You smiled, tapped his fry with yours in a makeshift sort of 'cheers' way. When the two of you had finished your snack, you picked up the container and threw it in the compost bin near the table. You grabbed your bag off the chair, holding up your car keys. He got up off the table, joining you in a slow walk towards the parking lot.

You wished the custodians a good night as the two of you left the arena, the street lights in the parking lot illuminating the way to your car. Silently, you unlocked the car and you both got in. You gave him your phone, telling him to pick any playlist he wanted while you started the car. He picked one of your favourite playlists, a mix of relaxing beats and soft music, which was perfect for late night drives.

"You should have some lo-fi on here, it's a lot like this. I think you'd like it," he said, after you had merged onto the highway.

"Yeah?" He only nodded, allowing a comfortable silence to come back to the car. The rest of the drive was easy, the road being mostly empty and the music filling the car. He gave you quiet directions to the house, more points and here's than actual directions but you were able to find it.

"Thank you for the ride," He said, once you’d put the car in park.

"Thanks for sharing your food with me,” He shook his head and smiled at you, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

“I’ll always share with you.” You caught his gaze, his brown eyes filled with sincerity. You could feel your cheeks flush and you waved him out of your car.

“I gotta get home too, you know.” You joked and he got out, popping his head back into the doorway for a second.

“Text me when you get home, yeah?” You murmured an ‘of course’ and he nodded, closing the car door and making his way to his front door. You waited until he entered the house before you drove away, turning on a lo-fi playlist from Spotify.

***

“Your turn to pick the movie, but no subtitles please, I’m too lazy to read today.” You handed Tim the remote for his TV while you pulled the blanket closer to your chin. The October chill had settled in his apartment and you hadn’t dressed for his room to feel like the arena.

“Jimmy!” Someone called from the kitchen and a loud clang dissolved any annoyance Tim had from his roommate interrupting his time with you. He rushed to the kitchen and you followed behind shyly. There were platters across the kitchen island, each with a different coloured dish. It looked like there was a salad, a couple casserole dishes, and some plates of desserts. A taller brunette was standing in the kitchen, frantically gesturing between Tim and a pot on the stove. There was a lid on the ground, a splatter of pinkish red liquid surrounding it. You entered the kitchen, picked up the lid before placing it in the sink. The other guy was still explaining to Tim what exactly he wanted to do, even though his head was tilted like a confused puppy. You brushing him aside llightly, grabbing the spoon Tim was holding to stir the pinkish red liquid on the stove. You sent him a small smile back over your shoulder and all you could see in his eyes was relief.

“Thank you!” The oven beeped and you noticed an embroidered #9 on the roommate's Senator sweats. You moved to the side to allow him to get another baking dish from the oven. He placed it on the stovetop and took off his oven mitts. “Thank you for doing that. I didn’t think he’d be that helpless in the kitchen.”

“I’m surprised anyone in this house can actually cook,” You laughed. The liquid that smelled of oranges and cranberries started to boil, so you reduced the heat and continued to stir it. You look at the baking dish that he brought out of the oven. “Are those brussel sprouts?”

“Yeah! My mom’s recipe; they’re delicious! Do you like them?”

“They’re one of my favourites! My recipe uses bacon though.”

“Oh nice! You’ll have to share it with me, I’d love to try it. And, sorry, I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Josh,”

“I know.” He shot you a look and you backtracked. “I-Sorry, it’s just-I actually work with you? I’m in the analytics department, so I know your jersey number and I saw it on your sweats and put two and two together. I’m not being a creep, I’m sorry.” The sound of laughter behind you made you blush.

“Not being a creep my ass. They did the same thing when me and Jimmy ran into them for the first time!” Brady commented, walking into the kitchen. He was wearing a nice pair of dress pants and a button up shirt. You shook your head before nodding towards his attire.

“Going somewhere nice?” He looked down at his outfit and shook his head.

“It’s Thanksgiving? It’s why they gave us the day off?” That...that would explain the amount of food in the kitchen. No matter how many years you lived here, you’d always forgotten that Canadian Thanksgiving was a whole month earlier. You placed the stir spoon on a plate next to the pot and wiped your hands on your pants.

“Oh! Um, right, well, uh in that case, I should be, I should get going. You guys must have plans. Nice to meet you Josh.” You made your way out of the kitchen to the foyer where your coat and shoes were without so much as a goodbye to the guys. You could hear Tim coming after you, his steps lighter and more graceful than Brady or Josh’s. But, he didn’t make a move to do anything except stare at you as you got ready to leave. It wasn’t until you were getting ready to put on your shoes that he spoke.

“You should just stay. We’ve got lots of food.”

“Oh, I don’t want to intrude…”

“Brady’s bringing his girlfriend and a couple other of the guys are coming over. You wouldn’t be intruding.”

“I really shouldn’t…”

“You should. Why won’t you stay?”

“I don’t know if you have this holiday in Germany, but Thanksgiving is a family thing, Tim.” You sighed. “Besides, shouldn’t I have brought something? Am I even dressed okay?” You looked down at your outfit - a simple pair of jeans and one of your comfiest graphic tees. He shrugged.

“Don’t worry about that. You look great, just enjoy the night with me. Stay? Please? C’mon schatz, you’re like my family to me.” The two of you maintained eye contact until you broke it and took off your coat. You could see Tim’s smile widen and when it came to walking back into the kitchen, he extended his arm. You took it and the two of you made your way back towards what would end up being a wonderful evening full of laughs and smiles shared between friends.

***

You had come over for a trashy reality TV binge after a particularly hard day at work. None of the numbers were adding up the way you needed them to and your laptop was having a hissy-fit all day. Soon enough, you called it a day and texted Tim, telling him you’d be over in twenty minutes. He greeted you at the door with your favourite chocolate treat, a box of Timbits, and “there’s popcorn in the microwave right now, it’s almost done”. You could’ve melted right on the spot. Instead, you made your way over to the couch where you collapsed and pulled the blanket he had already set out for you up to your chin. You breathed in the smells of pine and sock tape and felt your body relax. HGTV played in the background while you waited for him to bring the popcorn out when his phone dinged.

“Tim, your phone!” You yelled to him from across the living room.

“Who is it?” You sighed and moved from your comfortable spot on the couch to check his messages. You turned on the phone to see a message from Josh, saying he’s five minutes away. You went to lock the phone, seeing the unimportance of the message but something caught your eye. You swiped to clear the notification and his background came into focus. It was the two of you standing in front of the Ottawa sign at ByWard market, his arm around your shoulders and a grin on both your faces.

“Who was it?” He entered the room as he repeated his question.

“Just Josh,” you whispered, turning around to face him holding up his phone. “Am I your lock screen?” He blushes, opening his mouth stammering for words. “I am! I knew I was important to you.” You poked him a couple times for an extra tease when his face settled into a small pout and he retaliated by tickling you. You shrieked and hopped up from the couch, laughing as he chased you around the house.

“Stop doing that!” He laughed as you escaped his clutches once more. Your laugh echoed through the house as he tried again to try to tickle you, but you grabbed Josh and used him as a human shield.

“No fair schatz,” He relented his tickling and sat on the couch. You took a seat beside him, but kept your distance in case he decided to start his torture again.

“You know, you’ve never told me what that means,” You look over to him and he’s already scratching the back of his neck.

“What what means?”

“That thing you keep calling me. Like shats?”

Josh laughed and spoke up. “It means swe-”

“Friend! It means friend!” Tim interrupted loudly, his cheeks rosy. “It means friend.” You raised your eyebrows at his outburst and his explanation.

“You call your friends, ‘friend’?”

He scratched at his jaw and slowly nodded. “In my city, it’s common for friends to just call each other ‘friend’. It’s normal,” You managed out a ‘okay’ between breathy laughs, wondering why he was being so strange about it. It was just a nickname. But the blush in his cheeks didn’t diminish until well after Josh left the room, muttering under his breath about ‘idiots’, and you couldn’t help but think that maybe it meant more than Tim was letting on.

***

“Are you going to be at the gala on Saturday?” Tim asked you as the two of you ate (lunch for you, pre-practice snack for him) on the concourse. It was your first concourse snack since the All-Star break and you had missed him. WhatsApp messages and Instagram messages just weren’t the same as being in his presence. You finished your bite, and shook your head.

“It’s only for players isn’t it?”

“Would you want to come with me?”

“Like...as a date?” You looked up at him, your eyes wide. Maybe this was the clue you were waiting for.

“As friends?” Your eyes darted down onto the counter and Tim took that as a sign you didn’t want to go with him. “There’ll be puppies there.”

“Well,” you swallowed the lump in your throat, “If there’s going to be puppies, I need no more convincing.” You forced a smile onto your face and he returned the sentiment, before finishing up the food. You wished him good luck before the game, and left to go the the box.

Soon enough, it was Saturday night and you found yourself in front of the Fairmont Château. You gazed up at the stone walls and admired how the orange glow from the lights gave it such a warm feeling, compared to the shivers that were going up and down your back. You had found time to go and get a fancy outfit for the night, its gold fabric being a perfect fit on your body. Tim had told you he’d meet you inside, so walked upt the steps alone, avoiding the other guests in fancy attire. They looked like they belonged here. You couldn't relate. The front entrance of the hotel was exactly as you expected -- it had marble floors, crown moldings, and a domed ceiling. You followed the chatter to one of the conference rooms, someone offering to check your coat. With just your clutch, you entered the ballroom with the sound of your shoes following you.

You looked around to try to find Tim among the executives, easily spotting him when you heard Brady’s booming laugh in the corner. You made your way over to the group, including Brady, Josh, Drake, Tim and some respective dates. Josh waved at you and Tim turned around to see you walking towards him.

Tim stood there, memorized by the way the Senators gold fabric hugged your figure and the way your eyes had lit up when you saw one of the puppies. You came over to him, brushing his arm before joining the group. Hellos were thrown your way and it wasn’t long before everyone went back to their conversations and you were able to speak with Tim.

“You look handsome." You handed him your clutch, which he held unashamedly, as you adjusted his gold bowtie, letting your hands linger on the front of his chest. You gulped before snapping out of your trance and took your clutch back from him.

“Um, uh, thanks. You look...good too,” His voice was breathy and his cheeks had flushed a little. You smiled at him, before noticing another golden retriever stumbling around next to its trainer and darting off to pet it. Tim watched you go and he stood back, blown away by the way his heart was beating faster and how he couldn’t seem to get enough air into his lungs.

“You finally figured it out, huh?” He turned around at Drake’s voice. He had recognized the look on Tim’s face, it was the same one he had when he looked at his partner. Tim furrowed his eyebrows.

“Figured what out?”

Drake scoffed and took a gulp of his drink. “God, you already know and you’re denying it. You’re in love with them.” Tim shook his head, waving off the thought. You were his best friend, nothing more. “C’mon man, you can keep lying to yourself but it’s obvious to everyone else.” He was then swept away by a reporter, leaving Tim to his thoughts.

He wasn’t in love with you. He was sure of it. You were his best friend, his safe spot. It’s not like when he sees you his heart beats faster or he notices how your eyes crinkle when you laugh or when the sun hits your skin just right, you look like an angel. It’s not like the more he looks at your lips the more he wants to know if they taste like your sweet honey lip chap. It’s not like your smile could cure his darkest days or that he could see himself introducing you to his family as his partner.

Except it was like that.

Tim saw all of that with you. He saw more galas, more late night drives, lazy Sunday mornings. He wanted to see you after his games, not in your office, but in the tunnel where you’d be wearing his jersey and a special jean jacket. He wanted to take you home to meet his family, his hometown friends. He wanted to show you all the places that were special to him, just as you showed his places special to you. He wanted to meet Dani and see if she thought he was good enough to be your partner. As he stared at you petting the small golden pup, he realized Drake was right. He was in love with you.

He was in love with his best friend.

Fuck, what was he supposed to do now?

You didn’t give him too much time to think about that as you came up behind him, telling him everything about the golden retriever you just met. He smiled at you, and motioned with his head to find your seats as dinner was going to be served soon. You sat next to him, your leg brushing against his under the table. Even from that, he got shocks-- tiny lightning bolts trailing up his body. It was like every sense was heightened after he came to the realization that he loved you. How am I supposed to even act around them? He thought.

The meal passed without issue and while Tim went about schmoozing all the executives and donors, you stick with the other halves. You had already met Emma, Brady’s partner, and she introduced you to Dakota, Briar, and Marissa (she had also told you who they came with but that information had not stuck with you).

“Sooo… Emma, how’s the wedding planning going?” Briar asked. She had gotten engaged over the holiday break. She laughed and waved off the question.

“Oh, not at all! We’re just enjoying being engaged, it’s like the honeymoon phase all over again,”

“Just like you and Tim,” Dakota nudged you and wiggled her eyebrows. You coughed on your drink at her statement.

“What?” You managed to sputter. Emma looked uncomfortable but didn’t say anything. “What do you mean, like me and Tim?”

“Oh come on, it’s so obvious the two of you are in your honeymoon phase! Don’t be ashamed of it, you’re such a cute couple!”

“Ooh yes!! How his bowtie matched your outfit is like goals, I wish my boyfriend did that with me,” Marissa mentioned. Your voice felt caught in your throat and you were instantly aware of the breeze in the room and the sweat on the back of your neck.

“We’re just friends,” Your voice was small.

“I’ll believe that when pigs fly, babe. Oh, look, here comes your man.” Dakota winked at you before turning into her own date. You turn around quickly to see him walking over to you, laughing with Brady and Josh. Normally, the sight of him would calm you down. He was such a genuine person and you appreciated how you never had to shrink yourself to fit in with him. But with the girls’ comments, you suddenly couldn’t be around him. When his hand met the small of your back, you flinched before relaxing into his touch. It was just Tim, your Tim. It’s not a big deal unless you make it a big deal.

“Timmy, I was just telling Y/n what a cute couple you two are!”

“Well, what do they say? Oh right, they complete me,” He sent you a wink and pulled you closer to his side. You went stiff in his hold, and he noticed, instantly letting you out of his grip. You muttered out an excuse about work and said quick goodbyes to the group before you were out of the gala as fast as your shoes could allow. Your cheeks were hot with...embarrassment? No, that wasn’t quite it. But they were hot, and the room felt small with Dakota’s teasing so just needed to escape. You needed to have fresh air in your lungs, needed to feel the cool Ottawa air on your arms. Needed to be somewhere other than beside him and his light teasing that left your stomach in knots.

But you hadn't even reached the front door and grabbed your coat from the coat check when Tim caught up to you. He watched you try to put on your coat, as he rocked back and forth on his heels like that first day you met.

“Do you… do you actually have work in the morning or were you just saying that?” You looked up and met his eyes, the orbs holding a certain vulnerability you hadn’t seen before.

“I got called at the last minute. I forgot to tell you, Jody’s kid got sick so I’m covering the game on Sunday but I haven’t prepared my notes or anything and you know me, I’ve got to be prepared or I won’t make a coherent analysis and then I’m really in trouble-” Tim cut your rambling off with a murmur of your name and you slowed your frantic movements to look at him.

“We’re okay, right?”

You smiled at him before you walked out the glass door. “Yeah, we’re alright.”

***

Last night was confusing to say the least. You could still feel the heat in your cheeks from...embarrassment? No, it wasn’t that. It was more like you couldn’t stand around to see what he meant by his comment. You couldn’t stand around why everyone else say you as a couple when you knew you weren’t. But you were okay with not being a couple weren’t you?

It’s like not you liked him that way. Yeah, a simple smile from him could turn your day around and your concourse snacks were the highlight of your week. But that’s because he was your best friend. It’s not like you wanted to spend every morning waking up to him or spend your afternoons running your fingers through his hair. It’s not like you wanted to take him back to Seattle to meet Dani or how you wanted to wear his jersey to call him yours. It’s not like you daydreamed about him gently holding your hand as you walked through ByWard market or how soft his lips would be as he leaned in to kiss you or what his abs felt like without a shirt separating your fingers from his skin.

Except it was like that.

And then came the comment at the gala. Did that mean he liked you too? But he said you were just going as friends. Did he mean it platonically? What if you read things wrong? Fuck, why were feelings so complicated?

Dani, you needed to call Dani. She’d know what to make of all this. She picked up on the fourth ring. “Thanks for calling Books By The Ocean, may you please hold?”

“Dani, it’s me.” Hold music filled your ear and you rolled your eyes. A few minutes later, there was almost certainly a hole in your rug from your pacing and she finally picked up.

“Why’d you resort to calling the store? I would’ve answered my phone eventually,”

“Yeah, eventually. I just really need to talk to you now,”

“Okay, so what’s up?”

“There’s this guy…”

“Is it Tim? Please tell me it’s Tim.” When you didn’t answer, she rejoined before reeling it in and telling you to continue.

“Anyways...we’re pretty good friends, I've known him since like the start of the season, and I don’t know, like I think he likes me? And I mean, I like him, he’s really great but, like, I just-”

“Can you get to the point please?”

“I want to take the next step with him. I want to be more than friends with him. I want all those things but… I just seem frozen. Like when I think about telling him, my body feels like it won’t move. It feels like I’m underwater. But I want to do more with him. I want that. Why won’t my brain get that and let me… I don’t know, let me act on my feelings?”

“You’re protecting yourself. You’ve never got hurt before,” You scoffed at her statement.

“What do you mean, of course I have,”

“Okay, sure, when you scraped your knee or when Nancy Peters called you dumb in second grade but you haven’t got hurt before. You haven’t opened yourself up to someone and let someone into your heart and let them see you for who you are.”

“Well, yeah, okay, but that’s because they might not like what they see,”

She sighed. “You can’t go through life with your walls up, kiddo. It’s hard, but you have to trust yourself. You have to let yourself feel. You have to let people in. When we were little and moved around a lot, maybe it was a survival tactic. But you’ve been in Ottawa for close to five years now and have unpacked all your boxes? Have you had any friends over? You’ve put down roots there but you’re still holding onto a survival tactic when you need to be living, not just surviving.

“I let people in--”

“No. You don’t. Has Tim ever been in your apartment? Has he seen that even though you resent Mom, you still have family photos of the four of us in your living room? Does he know about Dad? You might have told him stuff but you’re still living behind walls.” She sighed.

“Look, I don’t mean to be hard on you, but I want to see you thrive kiddo. I want you to experience life, and yeah, hurt is a part of life. You aren’t doing life right if you come out unscathed. And sure, maybe he’s a great friend. But in some instances, that romantic partner can fill a more emotionally secure place. People usually place more trust in their partner than just a friend. You’ve got to open up to him more than you already have if you want more from him.”

“How do I do that?”

“You’ve got to figure that out on your own kiddo, but it probably wouldn’t hurt to talk to him. Honestly; no hiding behind your friendship.” You nodded to her advice, before realizing she couldn’t see you, and thanked her for her help. She hung up with the promise to chat again on Wednesday like you normally did. You threw your phone beside the sink and leaned your head against the cool counter.

Be honest with him

Okay, you could do that. Easy enough right? You just had to make a plan to tell him. You could do that.

***

You were walking through the halls close to the bench to deliver your latest stats to the coach. It was your job after the other analysts determined you “had the youngest feet” and could go scouring around to find the coach. You didn’t mind. Besides… if you just happened to bump into Tim while you were down here, well then that was a completely unplanned coincidence. Since the gala and your chat with Dani afterwards, you were feeling good about where you stood with Tim. And you’d made your plan. After the game, you’d meet up for after-game snacks like most home games and you had told yourself you’d talk to him then.

You had given the latest report to the coach on the bench, walking past the locker room towards the box when you heard Tim's voice.

“...I don’t know man, I just need a break from Y/n.” You stopped in your tracks. It wasn’t that you meant to be nosy, but at the mention of your name… you wanted to see what else he had to say. You hadn’t meant to smother him but you guess he saw it differently. Your shoulders dropped and you bit your lip.

“I only have a problem around them!” You could feel the breakfast in your stomach start to turn, the feeling of bile starting to rise up. A ringing started to fill your ears, the white static noise only being pieced by his once comforting voice.

“It’s just… We work together, you know? It’s awkward,” Where was this attitude when you were hanging out at the start of the season? Last week? If this is how he felt, why didn’t… what did he mean by his comment to Dakota?

His voice shook you out of your trance. “Like at the end of the day, I’m me… they pay me a lot to play my game and they’re...them.” At that, you rushed away from earshot. If that was how he really felt, then screw him. If he was the hockey star and you were just the analyst, then that’s what role you’d play. Nothing more, nothing less. And he wasn’t brave enough to say that to your face, you’d say it first.

This is why you didn’t open yourself up. If you were going to get hurt either way, it might as well be the least damaging option.

Over the next few games and practices, you kept your distance from the players. You avoided the bench, sending Jody to give reports to the coach. You kept your office door closed, the blinds closed, and you made sure to time your exits of the arena to avoid Tim. If avoiding him meant you avoided the inevitable conversation where he would tell you your flaws and point out every way you misread things, then you would do that.

After you heard that, you stopped going out of your way to pass by the boys in the arena. You went into your office, closed the door, and didn’t leave until you went home. When you had to sit in the stands for practices, you sat higher than you used to and ignored the waves and stared you got from the team. He sent the occasional text but you replied with an im busy too many times that he stopped trying. It was odd to you how he kept reaching out when he was the one who said he needed a break but you ignored that voice in your head.

It was a Friday when he finally confronted you. You had been so close to leaving the arena, just one more hallway, and you would’ve been out the door and into the parking lot. He had called your name and you tried to turn the corner without him but he caught up easily, grabbing your wrist to get you to stay.

“What’s up? It feels like I haven’t seen you in forever,” He let go of your wrist as you turned to face him.

“Well that’s what happens when you’re a bigshot NHL player and I’m a lowly analyst.” He squinted his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows at your statement.

“What?”

“Look, I don’t-- I don’t think we should be friends anymore,”

He slowly nodded, thinking your words over in his head. “Okay. Um...I think… yeah, that could be good. I don’t think we should be just friends either.” He shot you a shy smile with a spark of hope in his eyes but you frowned.

“Good. It’s settled then.” You turned on your heel and walked away from him, only wiping your teary eye once you had rounded the corner, refusing to let him see you cry. You missed the way he frowned as you retreated.

The weekend was spent in bed, repeat episodes of Loki playing in the background. Loki never hurt you the way Tim had, the way his words dug into your insecurities of being alone creating a wound like no other. You had turned your phone off earlier as it kept buzzing with messages from him. You didn’t want to hear his excuses of why and you didn’t want to explain that you’d overheard his conversation. But the season wasn’t over yet so you gave yourself two days to grieve. When Monday morning came, it was like nothing had ever happened.

Tim caught you in the main entrance way at the rink. It was close to 8am and you knew he didn’t have practice until 11, so it was obvious he was waiting for you. You walk right past him until he softly calls your name and you stop walking, but don’t turn around. “Why are you ignoring me?”

“You know why.” You whipped around and scoffed at him. “And you know what else? If you had a problem with me, you could’ve just said something. You didn’t have to keep hanging out with me.”

“What?”

“I think we should just keep this professional, 18. I’m nothing more than a background analyst to your hockey superstar, so let’s just stick to our jobs, yeah?”

“What are you talking about?”

“We work together, we shouldn’t be friends, you said it yourself. It’ll be better this way. Now, please, just leave me alone.” You brushed by him, bumping your shoulder with his, and you missed the way his jaw fell open at how quickly your relationship seemed to change.

He seemed to leave you alone after that. He didn’t check in and he didn’t send funny memes he found. He didn’t text you to tell you he landed safely on road trips and you didn’t congratulate him on a game well played. You could tell Brady and Josh thought it was weird but didn’t say anything, just gave you pitying looks when you passed by or caught their eye in the halls.

The Senators failed to clinch a playoff spot, thanks to an overtime loss to Winnipeg. The end of the season for you was nice. It meant a shift in your work to more prospects, and thankfully, a more flexible work schedule. You didn’t have to go into the arena and most of the players went back to their hometowns to visit. It was supposed to be a reprieve for you, knowing Tim wasn’t even in the country. It was supposed to be relaxing, going to all the places that had helped you in the past to regroup your thoughts.

But instead, it felt suffocating, strolling through the market. You’d been here thousands of times to clear your head, but this time the deeper you walked, the more the thoughts in your head swirled into a hurricane.

You’d never know what home felt like. You’d had friends tell you it’s having like extended family over around the holidays or it’s the peacefulness they felt at their lake house. You thought you had found it in Ottawa, its quaintness and history bringing you a sense of calm you hadn’t had before. But only with Tim did you feel that inner peace that home felt like. Only with Tim did you feel like you could take on the world. Only with Tim did you feel whole.

And that was scary.

Feeling like one person could complete you, like they had a piece of your heart you didn’t know you gave them, was scary. You were used to being on your own. You’d done it throughout your levels of schooling and throughout the beginnings of your career. And all it took for that strength to come crashing down was a bashfully confident German hockey player.

He couldn’t even tell you why. It would’ve hurt more to hear the exact reasons why you weren’t good enough for him, but it would have quelled your mind from picking on every single insecurity your mind could come up with.

Before you knew it, you were staring at the Ottawa sign. You glanced around to see couples waiting for their turn at the sign. Some of the guys had their arms around the shoulders’ of their girlfriends. Some of the girls had their hands clasped in their girlfriends’. Some people had their arms around the waist of their partner. But they all had a smile on their face, a fondness that was reserved for the love of their life.

Your eye caught the sight of a backwards Senators cap and your head whipped around. The person was tall and was wearing a grey hoodie. The man turned to the side and you caught a glance of the brown tufts of hair that stuck out of the cap. He threw his head back and the corners of your mouth turned up. Tim’s laugh was always infectious, even if you were upset with him.

But it wasn’t him.

He hadn’t reached out since the day in the hallway. As much as you knew you didn’t want to hear him say things more hurtful than what you overheard, you couldn’t help but wonder where you went wrong. The what-ifs tumbled around in your head, the possibilities of why suddenly your friendship was too much for him.

As you stood there in the market, the memories racing through your mind mixed with images of happy couples all around you, you knew you had to get out. You don’t really remember the rush of leaving, all you know is that the city that felt big for so many years now felt too small. You can’t go anywhere without being reminded of him, his smile, his laugh. How his eyes glimmer from the light of a movie. You drove yourself to the airport, knowing there wasn’t going to be a cab this early in the morning.

Before you knew it, you were standing outside of the familiar blue painted bookstore with your duffle bag in your hands. It was raining and overcast in Seattle, which wasn’t unusual, but even the fat teardrops felt melancholic. The sign in the window said closed, but you knew Dani would be in the back, organizing new stock. You knocked on the window, the sound rattling through the worn building. A few seconds later, her head of light pink hair came to the door, opening it. Before she could question your presence, you spoke.

“He didn’t want me,” you cried. “He didn’t even see all of me and he didn’t want me.” You dropped your bag as she pulled you into a hug. One hand cradled the back of your head as she pulled you out of the rain and into the store. You inhaled her scent, a mix of sea salt and the old bookstore, and squeezed her tightly. When she released you from the hug, she tucked a piece of hair behind your ear, her fingers grazing down your jaw. She gave you a soft smile, before walking to the back of the store, where her apartment was. Your shoes squeaked against the old hardwood floors as you followed her towards the kitchen, where you could smell a pot of tea brewing.

She was silent as she poured you a cup, kissed your head, before whispering everything was going to work out. She slipped out of the room, giving you your space.

You didn’t even have to ask. Dani let you stay with her for the summer, as long as you helped out around the store when you weren’t doing your own work. She didn’t push you for details about Tim, she just let you be. You tried your best to be cheery around the customers but that facade only lasted so long. When you were alone, you didn’t try to hide the emptiness you felt there.

***

Too soon did the days start to get shorter, the nights colder, the pitter-patter of raindrops became more constant which meant fall was coming. The season was starting up again, and you had to head back to Ottawa. This summer at home was a nice break but you knew that running away wasn’t going to solve all your problems. You were packing when a text from Josh came in.

So when are you getting in?

i land at 9pm on the 20th. Why?

Can’t I wonder when my friend gets into the city?

we’re friends?

Of course we are Numbers! I don’t share family recipes with just anyone :)

good to know thanks :)

You continued packing, thinking about what he said. You knew the two of you were friends, but he was Tim’s teammate. His roommate. To hear him say, regardless of where you and Tim stand, that you two were still good was a relief. As much as you’ve enjoyed your time away from the city, you missed work. You missed sitting in the arena, a brisk chill over your shoulder, the sounds of scraping ice and whistles. You missed the quaintness of Ottawa and, as much as he’d never let you forget it, you missed Josh’s cooking. Nights with Dani didn’t compare to nights with Brady (and sometimes Emma) and Josh.

Dani parked in the loading zone of the airport. She got out of the car to help with your bag, even though you had only brought one.

“Hey, listen, um. I know you don’t want to talk about what happened with Tim but… I think you need to talk to him.”

“Dani...”

“No, listen. I think you need some closure. You ran away from a city you haven’t left in five years, a city you so obviously love, because it hurt to think about him. Maybe closure means you talk to him. Maybe it doesn’t. But you’ve spent this whole summer looking lost, like you’re waiting for something to magically appear and make everything better. You look like you’ve lost a piece of yourself and you don’t know how to get it back. And that’s not you, kiddo. It’s never been you; you’ve always been so straightforward and sure of yourself. I want you to feel like yourself again, that’s all.”

“What if…” You swallowed the lump in your throat. “What if the piece of me that I lost isn’t something I can get back?”

“Then you fill it. It might not be perfect and maybe you need lots of tape, and maybe you accept that there will be small cracks in it, but those holes make your souls yours. It’s a part of life, and you can’t avoid it no matter how hard you try.” You pulled her in for a hug, some of the tears in your eyes dropping onto her shoulder.

“Thank you Dani. For everything.” She pulled back to wipe the tears from your face, a smile on her face.

“You know I’m always here for you, kiddo. Take care of yourself, okay?” You nodded, knowing if you spoke again, more tears would bubble over. You walked towards the departures gate, walking towards the reality you ran from.

Several hours later, you were happy to be back in Ottawa. You had missed it, as much as it pained you when you were here. Tim Hortons, bilingual signs, friendly smiles, and oh god you could have real poutine again. Yeah, it was nice to be back.

Dani’s words mulled over in your head throughout the flight, and continued to as you made your way through the airport. She was right, maybe you needed closure. Accept what happened and move on. You’d lost friends when you graduated early, you’d lost friends when you moved away. You’d lost friends before and this was no different.

Except you knew deep down it was different. It was Tim; it was always going to be different with him.

You shook your head, as if to physically rid yourself of the thought. If Tim didn’t want to be around you, then you weren’t going to waste your time waiting for him to show up. You’d suck it up everything you had to look at a stat, but other than that you’d focus on work, focus on proving yourself in the company. You started to walk towards where you’d parked your car (without wondering how much the parking was), ignoring the happy reunions of students and families. You had been perfectly fine being in Ottawa on your own until you realized how much better it could be when you had someone.

A hand grasped your wrist and instantly, you turned around and ripped your arm from the stranger. You looked up, first to see a bouquet of flowers made up of peach roses, white tulips, and hydrangeas. Behind the colours of the flowers, you see a familiar face, eyes full of sorrow and hope. Even when you were ignoring him, he was still so easy to read.

“Number 18.” You struggled to keep your voice even, but you lifted your head to appear as if he had no effect on him.

“Hi Y/n,” He met your eyes, which you quickly darted away. “These are for you.” He tried to hand the bouquet to you, but you shook your head.

“How did you know when I got in?” The coldness in your voice surprised Tim, but he didn’t show it, swallowing slowly before answering you.

“Josh told me." You folded your arms, your hands gripping your bag in case you needed to get away from this conversation.

“Josh mentioned it or you asked Josh?” When he didn’t answer, you knew it was the latter and scoffed at his sneaky actions. You quickly turned away from him and moved faster towards the exit. You heard him sigh from behind you and before you could make a sly comment about it beneath your breath, he was ahead of you, blocking your way. You tried to side-step him, but hockey reflexes prevailed. You glared his way and tried again, silently begging him to move.

“C’mon, you have to talk to me sometime, we work together,” He commented.

“That’s exactly it. We work together. You’re the high and mighty NHL superstar and I’m the nerdy analyst. We have our places. They don’t mix, so really I don’t have to work with you at all. So, please, if you could just move, I have nothing else to say to you.” You tried once more to step around him, but he lightly grabbed your forearm to stop you.

“But I have stuff to say to you.”

“You had months to say it, so I’ll say it again, please let me by.” Suddenly, he was on his knees in the airport, the flowers still outstretched in his hands.

“Y/n,”

“What are you doing?” You hiss to him, your face darting around to see people starting to stare at Tim’s grand gesture.

“I need you to talk to me, and you won’t, so I’ll beg until you agree to hear me out,” You could feel more people staring, the shutter of camera phones, the eyes of everyone in the Ottawa airport (or what felt like it) easily making up your mind. There was a reason you were an analyst, away from the spotlight, doing your work behind the scenes.

“Get up,” you started to pull on his arm, but he just stayed anchored to the ground.

“You’ll talk to me?”

“18, I will do anything as long as you stop making a scene,” At this point, your cheeks felt as if you’d stood under the beating sun for an hour. He got up from his knees, the flowers still outstretched in his hands, and you let go of his arm. You grabbed the flowers from his arms, dropping them in a garbage bin as you stalked out of the airport. Tim caught up to you and walked by your side.

You said nothing as you reached your car, unlocking the doors. You didn’t even wait for him to have his seatbelt on before you were backing out of the stall and driving away. Thoughts were running wild in your head; you were angry and embarrassed at the stunt he pulled at the airport, appalled at the audacity he had to show up after what he said, and last of all you were reluctantly happy to be back in his presence again. So you went to the one place you knew you could think.

You put the car in park overlooking the suburbs. You turned it off and rested your arms on the steering wheel. You couldn’t make the effort to get out and walk to the lookout spot, the car creating a safe bubble for your thoughts.

“Why won’t you talk to me?” His soft voice broke the tense silence in the car and you scoffed.

“We’re not friends anymore. You’re the Senators star player and I’m just the nerdy analyst. There’s no reason for me to need to talk to you.”

“See, you keep saying that but I-I don’t get it! What does that even mean?” You furrow your eyebrows as you turn to face him, his own face scrunched up and his eyes hard.

“What do you mean you don’t get it? You said that! The last game against Montréal? I was walking past the locker room and… I overheard you talking with the guys.” You looked down to your lap, findling with your hands. You briefly saw Tim’s hand start to move towards you, but you shook your head and it stayed in his lap. “You said you needed a break from me. You said that ‘at the end of the day they pay me a lot to play my game and they’re.. them’. You said you had a problem with me. What was I supposed to take from that except that you didn’t want me to be in your life?”

He stammered for words but you cut him off. “No, I don’t think you understand how much it hurt. Hurt to have the one person who I thought understood me to talk behind my back about how I wasn’t enough for them. It hurt to know that the one person who I always wanted to talk to, didn’t want to talk to me. Hurt to think that you’ve only ever seen me as just some nerdy analyst who has no place in your life. I had been fine before, without you in my life, but then you came in and knocked down every barrier I ever had. And then left as if you didn’t just break my life into pieces!

“I left Ottawa because it hurt too much to go to all my favourite places, because I went there with you. I let you into my safe spaces, and when you left, you shattered that security. You tainted all the good I had there. I thought that Ottawa was home before I met you,” you scoffed. “Not even close. You feel like home to me. And for you to say that I was a problem in your life?” You shook your head at him and looked down at your hands. “I tried to get over it, believe me I did. But every single place I went I was reminded of you… and how everything we had didn’t feel like a big deal to you.”

“I never meant for that to happen.” His voice was quiet and strained, as if he was trying to keep his emotions within him.

“You know the hardest part? I didn’t just have to get over losing my best friend. I had to get over someone I fell in love with! I lost the single most important relationship with one tiny little passing conversation. And you acted like nothing happened! Like we were still friends, like you still cared for me-”

“Ich liebe dich du trottel!” His outburst caught you off guard and you gulped. His heavy breathing was the only sound in the car as you whispered.

“You know I don’t speak German…”

“You don’t need to know German to know what I said,” His eyes were hard, a look you had only seen during games.

“Oh.” You shook your head and looked at him. “Wait what?”

“I didn’t say those things you think I did! You didn’t listen to the whole thing! Brady was teasing me about me saying I don’t have a problem talking to people I like and I don’t normally but you’re the exception! I needed a break from you because everytime I see you, my heart starts beating faster and my hands get sweaty and I don’t know how to act! And the guys said that sounds like I’m in love with you-- and I am! I am! But when I finally started to do something about it, you ran away from me! I didn’t know what to do. Besides, if I fell in love with you...it could mess with our jobs. Because if for any reason, something happens, they’d fire you before they’d ever trade me. And you’ve worked too hard to have an opportunity like this be taken away from you because of me. So... I didn’t know what to do. And then you just kept ignoring me and saying those things about how you’re just a nerdy analyst…. It felt like we weren’t on the same page anymore and I didn’t know where it came from or what to do either so I tried to give you space. But then you shut me out. And you said we shouldn’t be friends. So I thought that meant.... you wanted to be more than friends? And the boys were saying that you being mean to me was just you having a hard time having feelings for me but then you… uh, yelled at me so I left you alone. But that doesn’t mean I stopped thinking about you.” He placed one of his hands on top of your tentatively, giving you the option to shoo his hand away. When you didn’t, he rubbed the skin on top of your hand. “It never meant I stopped caring about you.”

He sighed. “I guess I see now that I should not have given you space. I should’ve been better for you because that’s what you deserve.”

“I could’ve been better too, this isn’t all your fault. I said some mean things.”

“I promise you, that when we’re together I’m not a NHL player. I’m just me… just Tim from Germany who likes hockey. You have always seen me for who I am, and that’s...that’s something I love about you.”

Your breath got caught in your throat. Love… was a big word. Love was for confident people. Love was for those who didn’t understand the weight of that four letter word. Love wasn’t a word you threw around. Love was scary. It asked you to place your bandaged heart in someone else’s hands and hope they didn’t drop it, shattering the pieces into smithereens. Love meant letting down those walls that time and time again had proved that needed to stay up. To protect you. To avoid the heartache of broken trust.

And here he was, throwing that word around as if the implications didn’t matter. As if he didn’t leave. As if he didn’t call you a problem. As if he didn’t know the months you spent trying to forget him and the fragments he left behind.

As if he still wasn’t understanding.

“I… I can’t do this.” You go to open the car door only for it to lock. You gasp, and you whip your head around, your eyes sharp. “This is my car, you can’t do that!” His eyes went wide and you tried again, only for it to be locked again. You gritted your teeth and he spoke before you could reprimand him again.

“Don’t shut me out again! You say you can’t do this, okay, but tell me why. We’re supposed to-to talk to each other! We would’ve had no mess if you had just talked to me after you heard what I said! So.. talk to me,” You met his soft eyes, your resolve breaking with just one look. “Please, schatz.”

You slowly pulled your hand off the handle, letting it fall into your lap. You picked at your fingernails while trying to compose your thoughts, Tim’s concerned eyes never leaving you. He murmured your name and you took a deep breath, steadying yourself.

“I’m sorry I just- I don’t know if I can jump back into where we were. I know that… it’s different than I thought but I can’t-” you cut yourself off before you said something you regret and a cold chill ran through you. “It still hurts. I can’t just unhear those things you said. Especially when they came from you. So, I’m going to need time to process everything.”

He placed one of his hands over your fidgeting fingers and you lifted your head to meet his soft eyes. “I’ll give you some space. Just let me know when you know, yeah?” Before you could nod your head, he had opened his door and got out of your vehicle. You quickly got out to question him.

“What are you doing?” He turns around at the sound of your voice.

“I’m… I’m giving you space?”

“How are you planning to get home? Uber?” He shrugged before nodding, with his hands stuffed in his pockets. “Uh, no. No. Get in.” He raised his eyebrows and you sighed. “It’s almost 11pm, we’re in a dark forestry area, and you are the least threatening person I know. I’m not going to let you get stabbed by some murder psycho; you still mean something to me, you know.”

At that he came over to the car, and the two of you got settled back into your seats. After you buckled up and started the engine, Tim broke his silence.

“Did you mean that? That I still mean something to you?”

You swallowed slowly and took a while to answer his question, your hand resting on the gear shift. You put the car in reverse, and looked over at him. “You’re always going to mean something to me. Just what exactly you are changes.” You backed out of the parking lot and started the drive to his place. He was quiet for a few minutes, pondering your answer, but when he spoke his voice had the quiet confidence he always carried around with him.

“Can I ask what I am right now?” Streetlights illuminated his face and out of the corner of your eye you see him slightly turned towards you, his face unsure.

“No. I’ll keep you updated?”

“Good enough.”

The rest of the drive back to his house was quiet, aside from the lo-fi beats you had playing in the background. Despite the tension, the drive felt comfortable. When you parked in front of his house, he cleared his throat.

“Um, thank you for the ride. I’ll see you around I guess,” He unbuckled his seat belt and placed his hand on the handle.

“Goodnight Tim.” Despite your smile, Tim really hoped your goodnight didn’t also mean goodbye. He got out of your car, walked up the steps to his door, unlocked it and gave you a small wave before he went inside.

Tim was true to his word. He gave you space. He didn’t go back to the lookout spot or the war memorial, knowing those were your sanctuaries before they were his. He didn’t ask for updates, he didn’t stop by your office, he didn’t ask Josh how you were doing.

And you appreciated it. The time and space left you alone with your thoughts and you often visited the lookout spot or the war memorial, trying to find some peace, but those spots were now shared with Tim. So, for the first time in a long time, you spent time in your apartment.

When you moved in, you hadn’t done anything to the place. Spaces were temporary in your experience. It was more hassle than it was worth to try to make the space your own if, in a year everything was a clean slate. But Dani was right. It had been close to six years now since you moved in. Six years. You had a stable job, you had friends here, it was time to accept that maybe this was more than temporary.

You started by unpacking the last few boxes that were stacked in the hallway. You replaced the command hooks hanging your picture frames with nails. You got new paint to liven up the living room from the basic beige it was before. You put the work into making your apartment really yours. You had to stop living behind walls and this was a first step.

The next step was to really open up.

***

You were waiting outside the dressing room for Tim to get out. You came down as soon as practice finished so you knew you wouldn’t miss him. You leaned against the cool concrete, trying to control your bouncing leg. He was one of the last out of the dressing room and you shyly smiled at the other players who left. When he came out, you popped off from the wall and stood in front of him.

“Do you still want to know why I picked hockey?” You could tell your question caught him off guard but he nodded nonetheless. “You had asked and I brushed it off...because it hurt to think about. Because it was my dad...He loved hockey. Everywhere we went, there was a team he could cheer for, but he always wished that his hometown team would win, no matter how bad they were. He took me to a game once. I had asked why he liked it so much, it was cold and loud and people were drunk and I’m pretty sure our team was losing. We were down in the crowd and he said to me, ‘Hockey is this great sport. It connects people. It creates families right before your eyes. Enemies can become teammates. This...this sport can be a family for you, anywhere you go. I hope one day you can find something that does the same thing for you.’ Two weeks later, he had a heart attack. So, I held onto the one thing that he found belonging in. I liked my math, it made sense, and I’m good at it. But when it came to doing something with my life, I just- I wanted something to make my dad proud of me, you know? I wanted to feel connected to him.”

Tim was silent but he pulled you into a hug, your head going into the crook of his neck. His arms went around your waist and he held you for a minute. “Your dad would be proud of you. I know he would. Why’d you tell me now though?”

“Well, friends share personal stuff, right?” You pulled away from the hug just enough to catch his eyes. You looked up at him hopefully, and he smiled.

“Yeah, they do.” He broke the hug, but kept an arm slung over your shoulder. “C’mon, friends also eat brussel sprouts for each other.” You laughed at his distaste for them and the two of you walked out the parking lot together, his arm still slung around your shoulders.

***

You looked up at the ceiling, your bedsheets twisted beside you. It had been about two weeks since you told Tim about your dad, and since then, the two of you had been exchanging texts daily. It felt familiar, even though both of you knew it was different. Not a bad different, just… different. You’d been over to his place a couple times and he came over for your place for a ‘welcome back’ dinner.

You were nervous to show him your apartment, but you knew you had grown into the space. It was no longer generic beige walls and command strips. The living room had an accent wall and you put nails in the wall to hang your family photos in the hallway. Tim took his time looking around your space, spending extra time in the hallway. He stopped in front of the picture of your family, all four of you, and smiled.

“My parents are coming into town when we play the Caps in December, if you want to meet them?” He had said when you sat down to eat. You sputtered your drink a little and set down the glass.

“Only if...you meet Dani when we go to Seattle in January?” His face broke into a grin and he nodded.

“I’d love that.” The rest of the dinner had no issues, just two friends catching up and getting familiar with each other again.

But he wanted you to meet his parents. He wanted you to meet the people who raised him, his family. And you didn’t have any hesitations. You wanted to meet the people who made Tim who he is.

This past week solidified that you knew what you wanted. You wanted to meet Tim’s family, you wanted to show him around Seattle, you wanted to be with him. If he still wanted to be with you.

If.

He had been pretty clear where he stood on his feelings, but the voice in the back of your mind taunted you with that one tiny two letter word. He might have seen how you reacted, how unstable you were, and how you weren’t ready to jump into things as a sign you didn’t want this. He could’ve taken your steps to being friends again as being just friends again. He could’ve-

You weren’t going to wait around to let what-if’s and might of’s and could’ve’s waft around in your head. You needed to talk to him, needed to see him. So in your pajama pants and a hoodie, you braved the Canadian night and drive to his house. You parked the car, rather haphazardly, but it could wait. You skipped a step walking up to his door and quickly phoned him.

You paced back and forth on the small porch as the phone rang three times before he picked up.

“Hallo?” His accent was thicker in his native language, the harsh constants sounding so soft from his lips.

“Can you come open the door?”

“What?”

“I’m outside. Can you open the door?”

“What? It’s like...early,”

A sigh escapes you. “Tim. I know. I know now.”

“Well if you looked at a clock before you left your place, you would’ve known earlier. That would’ve-”

“Tim.” You gulped and your voice trembled slightly. “I’m ready. I know what I want.” The tone of your voice dropped its lightheartedness and that alone was enough to shake the sleep from his mind. But your words? More than enough to get him out of bed and racing (as quietly as he could in the dark) towards you.

He opened the front door in his sleep joggers to see you pacing and shaking your arms. You hadn’t noticed him yet, so he took the opportunity to admire you. The way your hair fell, your Senator pajama pants that Brady gave you as a gag gift, the way you bit your lip between your teeth.

“Hey.” His voice broke you out of your trance, your head whipping around to see him standing in the doorframe.

“Hi.” Your voice was quiet, the nerves getting the best of you. You stood there for a while, just looking at each other. His hair was a mess and he was wearing the grey hoodie you knew for a fact was his favourite. “Oh, right, I have to go first. Um...Are- are you still sure about your feelings for me?” He nodded. “And-and they’re for sure, good feelings?”

“… They’re such good feelings.” You nodded and gave your body another shake through, as if to dissipate the nerves racing throughout your veins.

“I know it’s taken me a while to kinda sort everything out but… I like you too. That’s why hearing those things hurt so much. That’s why I had to take some time. I've been alone for most of my life and it was scary to let someone in so easily, unknowingly. You just waltzed in and made yourself at home in my heart and it felt like you belonged so I… I didn’t even realize you could hurt me. And when I heard those things, it hurt more. It just solidified that I should’ve stayed alone. You can’t get hurt if there’s no one to hurt you right? But every talk, every late night drive, everything we had...it was worth all the hurt. So I’m ready. I want to do this with you, even if it hurts. I don’t know if I can do life without you.” He pushed himself off of the doorframe and came to stand in front of you, his hand cupping your cheeks, soothing the skin under your eyes.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you and I don’t plan on doing it ever again, Y/n, you have to know that.” You nodded against his hands and you could feel some of his tension fade from his body. “Does this mean… we could be more than friends?”

“I want to be much more than friends with you, Tim.” You bit your lip to try to stop your smile from growing so wide, but it broke through when you saw how wide his smile was and how his eyes crinkled with joy.

“Does this mean I can kiss you now?” He asked softly, already leaning in. He left space between the two of you so you could decide but you easily leaned into him, your lips meeting. It was gentle but it was loving. You moved in sync, Tim’s hand moving to the back of your head to push you closer to him. Eventually, you pulled away for air.

“Schatz…” He breathed and you laughed lightly.

“You know, I don't think you've told me what that really means,” You said with a cheeky smile.

“Would you like me to say it in English, sweetheart?” He brushed his nose with yours.

“Hmm, German is fine,” You tilted your head upwards, almost brushing your lips with his. With your teasing, he let out a groan, bringing you in for another kiss. This time he broke for air, his eyes still slightly closed.

“You know, you cured my homesickness. I never felt like I missed home because I found home in you,” He whispered. Your heart melted and you brought your lips together with a passion he hadn’t seen from you before. Your hands tangled in his hair and he chased your lips as if it was a breakaway. When you broke for air, the two of you were breathless.

“As much as I want to keep doing that, it’s also very early and I am tired. Can we go back to bed please?” His arms were still around your waist, but he leaned back enough that you could see his face, puppy dog eyes and all. You nodded to his request with a soft smile, and went to remove yourself from his arms and go back to your car, but he tightened his grip.

“I got you now, so I’m not letting you go.” You buried your head in the crook of his neck and slowly the two of you made your way into the warm house. He led you through the dark hallways to his bedroom, giggling and sneaking kisses where you could.

You fell asleep so easily, the quickest you have the entire time you had lived in Ottawa. And it wasn’t only Tim’s warmth, or the way his sheets smell like hockey tape and his peppermint shampoo. You had finally opened yourself up. You had found that belonging your dad always wanted you to. And you found that in Tim; whether he knew it or not, he was home.

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feliix · 4 years

Text

Crush Culture ✦ KTH (18+)

✦ Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

✦ Rating: M ✦ Word Count: 14k (screams)

✦ Genre: fluff, angst, smut, fake dating!au

✦ Summary: Once summer hits and you return to work at the local ice cream shop, you’re swarmed with couples coming in on lovey-dovey on dates. You’ve always hated the idea of relationships and love, but it’s Taehyung’s mission to make you reconsider by the end of the summer.

✦ Warnings: childhood friends 2 lovers, idiots 2 lovers unprotected sex, fingering, pining, soft sex, light mentions of marking, mentions of bad past relationships, Tae is kinda a player but he turns out alright

✦ A/N: a big big thank you to the lovely @hobiance for helping me plan yet another fic and @jinned for giving me the much needed support and hyping me up until I finished my first long boi ilysm ♡ also thank you to my lovely beta @jinterlude who I would be completely illiterate without! the most beautiful banner you’ve ever seen is made by none other than my baby @koophoriia ily bunbunbun

Written for the BHQ Bangtan Boardwalk Collaboration

Taglist: @krystle1990 @imluckybitches

“Gross”

Another couple. Probably the 50th overly lovey-dovey pair that you’ve seen this evening alone. The shop is packed full of them on warm nights like this.

To say ‘love’ isn’t really your thing isn’t far from the truth. Relationships suck. Been there, done that.

You always keep the same theory; relationships either end in heartbreak or marriage. And even still, marriage can still end in heartbreak, so what’s the point?

“Stop being dramatic,” Taehyung laughs after catching your snide remark from around the corner. He had just run to the back to get you a fresh package of cups after using up all the stock in the front.

Tonight is busy, to say the least. The sun is setting, and it’s the perfect time for families and couples alike to come in and get a cold and tasty treat, especially on a day as hot as this one. It’s over 100º, and the humidity is doing a real number to your hair.

“It’s not dramatic,” you sigh, leaning on the counter behind you as Taehyung maneuvers around you, placing the cups on the shelf underneath.

It’s just the two of you on the schedule tonight. Your boss is kind of an asshole, leaving 2 ‘kids’ in their early twenties to run the shop by themselves while he went off to do god knows what. Probably at the bar across the street, since his car is still parked in the back, but he’s nowhere to be found. That’s okay though, it's better than having him loom over your shoulder and critique your scooping texture the whole shift.

“Whatever you say,” Taehyung shakes his head.

Unlike yourself, Taehyung is a hopeless romantic, always looking for love in the wrong places. It always seems that his relationships never work out though, which has always confused you – Taehyung is a great guy.

So great that you have been best friends with him for as long as you could remember. It all started that time in pre-k, where you poured a shovel of sand on his head in the sandbox. Initially, it did make him cry, but he got over it eventually. Ever since, he’s been right by your side, sandy hair and all.

“How much longer,” your eyes roll back in your head, neglecting to look at the watch on your wrist in fear that your shift has a significant amount of time left.

“Just under an hour, we should start the closing checklist so we can get outta here,” Tae responds as he reaches for the rag and sanitation bucket.

Nodding your head, you follow his plan – beginning your mission to clean like a speed demon so you can leave at 8 o’clock on the dot. You’ll be damned if a customer comes in at 7:58, but there's always one Karen that comes as you’re about to lock the doors. You hate those Karens.

Lucky for you, closing tonight went as smoothly as it can go. You and Taehyung are ready to go at 8 on the dot, clocking out and locking up behind you.

“So what are we doing tonight?” Taehyung asks, his fingers adjusting the headband that sits just above his forehead.

“I was gonna go home and sleep…” you trail off, avoiding eye contact with him. You know his eyes are much too convincing to look into, and you are beyond exhausted from working a double today.

“Booooo you’re boring,” he teases, stopping in his tracks in the center of the parking lot, “it was an early night we should do something.”

With a deep sigh, you stop as well, turning around to meet his suggestive smirk. He knows he’s about to get his way before you have the chance to argue back with him. So you tilt your head, waiting for him to explain what he has in mind.

“I’ll be at your house by 9.”

And with that, you’re starting the ignition to your car and racing home, carefully, of course.

Taehyung is always spontaneous like this.

After making it home and rushing to get ready, Taehyung was there to pick you up, a few minutes late, but that’s just par for the course. When you end up at your favorite boba spot, you know Taehyung wants to talk about something. He never wants to sit down at a place like this just for small talk, you’ve picked up on his signs and can read him like a book.

But when you finally get your drink and sit at your favorite table in the back corner, he doesn’t say much. It’s almost like he’s waiting for you to speak up. His eyes staring down at his drink instead of sipping it, hands rested in his lap with his lip caught between his teeth. It’s puzzling, slightly, you thought he wanted to hang out tonight and do something adventurous…

The awkward silence and lack of gestures from Taehyung is starting to make you uncomfortable, so you decide to take matters into your own hands.

“How are things going with that girl,” you ask before bringing the straw of your tea to your lips, sipping nonchalantly.

“Oh yeah,” he sighs, his fingertips drumming along the surface of the table, “it didn’t really work out.”

When it comes to Taehyung, relationships never really seem to work out. To say it lightly, he is extremely picky. His last relationship ended because he thought the girl breathed too loudly. The girl before that had an annoying laugh, and then the one before that bit her nails.

Eventually, his pickiness has become a trend to the point that Taehyung will entertain a girl for a month or so. Then, he'll find something so minuscule within the said girl and turn it into a dealbreaker. The nit-picking things are way too much to move past for Taehyung. It’s clear that he is in search of the ‘perfect woman,’ like that even exists.

“You’re probably better off.”

You don’t think much of the words before they leave your lips. Relationships are a ton of work, is it really worth it to put all your effort into something like that? There is a way to just be happy on your own, you know.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He’s taken back by your statement, his eyebrows furrowing in response as he waits for your answer.

“You know what I think,” you tilt your heat matter-of-factly, “relationships are a waste of time.”

“What is with you and all this ‘anti-love’ stuff anyway?”

His question catches you off guard, a boba bubble almost catching in your throat leaving you a coughing mess. Taehyung chuckles at your discomfort, waiting patiently for you to get it all out and answer his question.

“I’ve wasted too much time with too many dead-beat guys to even think about love,” you sigh again, your coughing fit subsiding as you reach for your boba once again.

“Not all guys are dead-beats, you know.”

His words come out harsh, almost as if he finds your words offensive. Like you are meaning to group him in with all the guys you’ve dated in the past. Which is strange, Taehyung knows that he’s different. For one, you’ve never dated him before and two, if he was such a dead-beat you wouldn’t have kept him around for so long.

You can’t talk to guys, or most people like you talk to Taehyung. He’s the one you rant about the dead-beats to, along with everything else under the sun. He knows all the shit that you don’t tell anyone else, he’s like your own personal human diary. Secrets are always safe with him, it's not like he has anyone who would listen to the gossip even if he wanted to tell.

After a minute of silence Taehyung’s expression changes, his eyes squinting at you in that ‘I have a crazy idea’ type of way. It’s a look that you see often, and you couldn’t say that you would ever be used to it.

“Okay then I’ll make you a deal,” he proposes, a glimmering look in his eye that made you somewhat nervous. You never know what you are getting with Taehyung, but most of the time his ‘deals’ are on the crazier side.

“What is it?” You still ask although you’re a bit nervous to hear his answer. If his plan is to set you up with one of his delinquent friends or something–

“Be my girlfriend.”

Your eyes widen as the words leave his lips, confusion taking over your expression as a small chuckle leaves his lips. He can't be serious…

“Your what?”

“Two weeks is all I’m asking for. Be my girlfriend for just two weeks, and I’ll show you that love isn’t as shitty as you think it is.”

“You’re crazy,” you shake your head, a disbelieving smile stretching wide across your face.

“C’mon Y/N,” he challenges, “it’s two weeks of your life, what else do you have to do?”

The quirk of his eyebrow and quick squint of his eyes grabs your attention. He’s serious about this, scarily serious, and you aren’t quite sure how to react to that.

“What’s in it for you?” Your chin falls into your palm as you stare at him, waiting for his response.

“Well for one,” he starts, a sigh leaving his lips, “I won’t have to listen to you complain about how much relationships suck anymore.”

Just when you don't think you can roll your eyes any further into the back of your head, your own actions surprise you. If looks could kill, the one you’re giving him right now would surely take him out. He doesn’t pay much mind to it though, he’s used to your sass and just shrugs it off.

“This is an awful idea,” you glare at him as if it will change his mind. You’re certain this experiment of his would not change your own. Love sucked, and that was that.

“Two weeks,” his voice carries a taunting tone, his eyebrows wiggling to entice you into his plan. He isn’t going to give up on this easily, you know Taehyung. And Taehyung always gets his way.

“Fine,” you huff, “two weeks and that’s it. And if my mind isn’t changed you owe me 3 more of these,” you say, picking up your tea from the table and shaking it at eye-level for emphasis.

His bottom lip catches between his teeth, satisfied with your response. He isn’t exactly sure how he’ll manage to pull this off, but he’s definitely up for the challenge.

“We start tomorrow at 8, I’ll pick you up after work.”

Crossing your arms over the table, you bury your head in your arms. This is going to be the most interesting two weeks of your entire life.

“So you’re like dating dating?” Lainey’s jaw drops, excitement prevalent on her face as you spill about your night with Taehyung.

Lainey is the only person in your life that understood your hatred for relationships, other than Taehyung of course. Not that she shares the hatred herself, she just heard enough about how much you despise being in one to know how you felt.

Along with Taehyung, Lainey is your best friend. And she’s the only person in this world that you can bear to work a double with on a Saturday.

“That's the plan,” you sigh fiddling with the scoops behind you. It’s pretty slow for a Saturday afternoon, not many customers have come in since you opened up at 11.

That’s the thing about working at an ice cream shop – it sucks when it's slow, and it sucks when it's busy. Though it isn't a miserable job, you at least have Tae and Lainey to keep you company.

The smirk on Lainey’s face hasn’t disappeared since you told her about Taehyung’s deal. She’s shocked that you actually agreed to something like this, especially since it’s with Taehyung. The same Taehyung that ended a 3-month relationship last year because the girl ‘smelled like peaches.’ It’s only a matter of time until Taehyung finds your own deal-breaking trait.

“For the record,” you turn to look at Lainey, a grin still evident on her face, “I don’t think this is gonna change my mind.”

“Y/N,” Lainey whines as she draws out the last syllable of your name, plopping herself down in a chair to pout. “Stop being so…so…”

“So?”

Her face crinkles as she racks her brain for the word, rubbing her temples in hopes that it will come to her. Your eyebrow crooks in response, a slight chuckle leaving your lips as you wait.

“Pessimistic!” Lainey’s face lights up as it finally comes to her. She does have a point. It’s been a while since you actually let anyone in

“You know Taehyung, you never know, maybe something could happen,” her eyebrows lift at the end of her sentence, too suggestively for your own comfort.

“Okay no, that's exactly why this is only two weeks. I know Taehyung, he’ll be over it in 2 weeks.”

“Whatever you say,” the pitch of her voice is raised teasingly. She doesn’t believe this will be a two-week thing.

Lainey has been friends with you and Taehyung for 4 summers now. Once she started working at the ice cream shop with you two it was an automatic connection. Letting her into your little clique with no hesitation, you quickly became 3 peas in a pod.

But Lainey sees a lot of things that you aren’t able to see for yourself. You had grown up with Taehyung, grown accustomed to his unique mannerisms and behaviors without even noticing. Lainey, on the other hand, has a different point of view.

She sees the way Taehyung looks at you and how he hangs on each and every word that leaves your mouth. How he longs to make you laugh, watching you with a growing grin each time a chuckle passes through your lips. She notices every behavior that you see as nothing more than ‘friendly.’ But who is she to say? So, for now, the information remains tucked away and stored in her mind for a later date.

Your fingers drum on the glass cover of the freezer beneath you, leaning against it as you wait for a customer to come in. All this time with nothing to do is really doing wonders for your imagination; thinking about what Taehyung has planned for the two of you to do tonight. Nothing special, you hope, he really doesn’t need to go all out for this.

“He’s picking me up after work”

“Oooh he’s picking you up?”

“Shut up,” your eyes roll at her teasing nature, growing slightly embarrassed by how giddy it’s making you. It’s just Taehyung, and you are just hanging out like you do every other night.

The rest of you shift flies by – it always does when you work with Lainey. Before you know it, the closing checklist is coming to an end, only a few steps left before you can finally get out of here. The clock had just turned to 7:55 pm, but Taehyung still isn’t here. Not that you’re expecting him to be on time or anything, this is still the same Taehyung you have always known.

What you aren’t familiar with is the nervous butterflies fluttering around in your tummy as the clock approaches 8pm. What are you even nervous about? It isn’t a blind date, other than the fact that you have no idea what you’re doing. And it isn’t even a date. It’s Taehyung for crying out loud.

Speaking of the devil, the chimes in the front of the shop ring as Taehyung passes through the doorway. You don’t see who it is at first, your back turns to the door as you sweep behind the counter. The chimes ringing at this time of night do trigger your fight or flight instincts though, ready to turn to whoever is approaching and give them a dirty look for coming in this close to closing time.

But once you turn around and see Taehyung standing in the doorway with a bouquet of sunflowers, your tension quickly subsides. You swear that you can feel your heart skip a beat, heat rising to your cheeks as you try your hardest to form a manageable sentence. It's okay that you aren’t able to, though, the surprised look on your face is enough for his own to light up and beam across the room.

“I’m here to pick up the pretty girl with the coffee ice cream stain on her shirt,” he chuckles, his bottom lip catching between his teeth.

He dressed a lot nicer than usual attire; a dress shirt with a loose pair of slacks dressing his slim figure. His hair is light too, much different than the dark brown curls that frame his face. He’s really going all out for this – and you’re wearing a pair of running shorts and an ice cream stained t-shirt.

Lainey is just as stunned as you are, frozen in her spot with her jaw practically on the floor. She looks at you with wide eyes, her eyebrows raising as a smug expression crosses her face. You look in her direction, about to ask if she’s alright to finish closing on her own, but before you’re able to say anything she’s already shooing the two of you out the door.

With a goofy grin displayed across his face, he hands you the bundle of flowers, tied together with a delicate white ribbon. You mumble a thank you, still stunned that he showed up here looking like that to take you out tonight. So he is the romantic type, note taken.

“You like nice,” you gulp nervously. It already feels like a date and you haven’t even left the parking lot yet. If this is how things are going to start you had an exciting 13 more days ahead of you...

“As do you,” he smirks, his eyes wandering down to the small brown stains littering your shirt. Eyes narrowing, you read the expression crossing his face – of course, he’s joking. “I brought you some fresh clothes to change into don’t worry.”

Relief rushes through your body as the words leave his lips.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

An interesting yet on-brand response from Taehyung. He’s a big fan of surprises – as long as he’s not on the receiving end.

The drive to your destination seems long. You aren’t quite sure how long you’ve been on your way; between the agile back seat changing of clothes, which you are surprisingly skilled at, and the anticipation coursing through your veins, you’ve lost track of time All you know is that you’ve been driving through backroads for at least 15 minutes, and the destination doesn’t seem anywhere near.

“This is it.” The car pulls into a small dirt parking lot, dimly lit by some dingy street lights that aren’t doing such a great job illuminating things. Your eyebrow crooks unintentionally – this was it?

Your eyes wander outward as Taehyung parks the car, unable to see anything further than a 10-foot radius.

“Where are we?” The question leaves your lips in a worried fashion. Trees surround the parking lot on all three-sides, while the road you've pulled in from occupies the fourth-side. You’re hesitant to get out of the car, but as Taehyung rounds the front and opens the door for you, you’re on your way out. He motions for you to hold on as he pops the trunk – returning with a blanket and a reusable shopping bag filled with god knows what.

He still hasn’t given an answer to your question though, and you still aren’t quite sure where you are. If It was lighter out you assume it would be beautiful here, all the greenery dark and shadows hovering over you from the trees.

The bright light from his cell phone flashlight lights up the way, a path on your right

“Hell no,” your arms cross over your chest as you stand still in your place. He’s out of his mind if he thinks you’re going into the woods this late at night. You’ve seen enough horror films, stuff like this never ends well.

“C’mon, it’s not as bad as it looks,” Taehyung laughs at your pouting manner, amusement filling his system as you glue your feet to the ground of the parking lot. His puppy dog eyes plead for you to follow him, a hand outreaching in your direction for the taking. You contemplate it for a moment, your eyes narrowing as you ponder the possible outcomes of the situation before you.

“Fine,” you huff as you take his hand in yours.

His hand feels different in yours this time. His long fingers lacing between your smaller ones in the perfect fit that you’ve neglected to notice before. You’ve held his hand before, platonically though. This time it’s platonic too though, right? It’s just a date. A platonic date between two friends. Two friends who are dating on a two week trial period. So yes, it is strictly platonic. Right?

The dirt path doesn’t drag on for too long, but the sounds of bugs ticking and twigs breaking beneath your feet is enough to startle you. Every scared and breathy gasp that leaves your mouth is followed by a small fit of laughter from Taehyung. At least one of you is amused.

But the dirt path soon turns rocky, a clearing becoming more and more noticeable as Taehyung’s flashlight brightens the way ahead of you. The rows of trees come to an end as the ground flattens, a giant slab of rock lying beneath your feet. Out ahead of you is completely dark, and until you approach the darkness you don’t notice that you’re just a few yards away from the edge of a cliff. A river lies below the edge, the sound of water rushing fills your ears and calms your nerves. It is quiet out here, peaceful and without distraction.

Taehyung stands back as you admire the scenery around you – your own phone flashlight now out and panning around to look at the view. It’s beautiful out here, nothing to worry about but the sounds of the water and whatever Taehyung is doing behind you…

You couldn’t have zoned out for more than 2 minutes, but once you turn back around to face him a picnic blanket lies on the ground before you. Snacks scatter the extent of the fabric, a few candles placed in the center

“You really went all out for this, huh?” A nervous laugh leaves your lips before you swallow harshly. Never in your life has a guy ever gone all out like this for you. A late-night picnic at a secret location, fixed with all of your favorite snacks and some candles for ambiance.

“Had to,” he smiles, “it’s our first date.”

You join him on the blanket, grabbing for a bag of popcorn as you sit down. Maybe relationships wouldn’t suck so much if all men treated you like this…

Woah woah woah. It’s just Taehyung. Taehyung who already knows all your favorite things to eat. He’s just trying to be convincing – to prove to you that men take you on dates, do nice things. But stuff like this never lasts. Two weeks from now you’ll be going back to the same old Tae and Y/N friendship that you’ve always had.

The conversation goes on as normal tonight, he doesn’t make any moves (as expected, it’s Taehyung) and you enjoy the view and calm atmosphere with your fake but not so fake boyfriend. You stay out on the cliff for a few more hours before he takes you home. Taehyung put a lot of effort into making tonight special, and you appreciate him for that. But even after all his effort, you know that real relationships aren’t like this.

Every guy you’ve dated would try to woo you over in the beginning too. They call it the honeymoon stage for a reason. Things are always great in the beginning, lavish gifts and dates, loving gestures. That kind of thing never lasts. Soon the effort runs out, the guy gets bored of putting the work in, and they end up sleeping with your freshman year roommate. Well, at least that's how it is for you.

The bundle of sunflowers Taehyung gave to you earlier on in the night sits on the end table next to your bed. Each time you look at them all you can picture is the goofy grin he sported as he stood at the entrance of the ice cream shop. It replays in your mind like a movie. How he dressed up all spiffy just to take you out. How he took you to a spot only he knew about, somewhere so off-site and serene that he knew you’d remain uninterrupted. You can’t help but wonder if he’s using the same old tricks on you that he does to other girls though. If he only knew about that place because he’s taken someone there before.

Not that it matters though, you aren’t his real girlfriend. You’re just on a trial period. But for some reason the thought that he might have brought another girl to the same spot before doesn’t sit well with you.

“Sooooo,” Lainey teases, her chin falling into her palm as she leans on the freezer before her, “how was your date with Y/N?”

Taehyung chuckles at her nosiness, he’s sure you’ve already told her all about it. There are no secrets left between you two. Even sometimes Taehyung felt like the odd man out around you both.

“It was good.”

Taehyung keeps his answer short, leaving the rest up to her imagination. He isn’t one to kiss and tell or to not kiss and tell either. Things are better that way.

“Just good?” Lainey challenges, knowing there is much more that he’s leaving out. Her eyes narrow as she waits for his response. You haven’t told her anything about last night, not even where you went after he picked you up. Things are radio silent on your end.

Taehyung glances back at her, contemplating whether or not he should spill the beans.It would be nice to have someone else to confide in since it's always you on the receiving end of his secrets; however, this is the one secret that you can't know.

He chews on his bottom lip pensively, if anyone knows what’s on your mind, it would be Lainey. Not that Taehyung is looking to pry, he just has no indication to how you feel about last night, or about him.

Before Taehyung can even open his mouth to speak, a knowing smirk is spread wide across Lainey’s face. It’s that kind of look that makes him nervous – she knows something.

“You like her,” she muses, tossing her hair over her shoulder as the words catch in the air. It’s out there now, and it’s obvious. Well, maybe not obvious, but clear as day to Lainey – and that is more than enough to make Taehyung worry.

“I don’t,” He denies her claim, his willpower too strong to give into her.

“Oh yeah? Why do you self sabotage every one of your relationships then?”

Her words catch Taehyung off guard, his jaw clenching harshly as an annoyed breath is forced out of his nostrils. He wants to deny her claim once again, but he can’t bring himself to keep brushing off these feelings that have had a grip on him ever since he was young.

Lainey is right too. He does sabotage each relationship that comes his way. Taehyung goes out of his way to find something wrong with each girl he dates. He can never admit it to himself, but in the back of his mind, he knows that it's the fact that none of those girls are you.

“It’s written all over your face every time you look at her you know?”

Was he really that obvious? Did it show that much whenever he was around you?

“What do you mean?” Taehyung clarifies, the small once of hope bearing weight in his chest that Lainey is just joking around. That she doesn’t actually know the one thing he’s been holding onto for so long.

She doesn’t have to respond for him to know the answer. The quirk of her eyebrow and knowing expression on her face says enough.

“Well you can’t tell her,” he sighs, hand gripping harshly on the countertop as he stares down at the black and white checkered floors. Lainey turns to look at him staring down in distress, a sympathetic glance directed at him. He’s worried you’ll find out.

You can’t find out. If you do, then all bets will be off. Once you know Taehyung’s feelings for you there is no way that you’ll let your little arrangement continue. He knows you only agreed to this because there is nothing between you romantically, or at least as far as you know.

Lainey bears her weight on the cooler behind her, leaning comfortably on the cool glass. “I want her to be done with this ‘I hate love thing’ just as much as you do,” her fingers mock air quotes as she continues, “Want me to be honest?”

“Please.”

“I think you might be the only one who can change her mind.”

Taehyung’s heart skips a beat as the words leave her mouth. Blood rushes to his ears, pumping like a snare drum as he considers what she just said. He’s confused as to what she means. You agreed to fake-date him, but you still hate love.

A comfortable silence fills the air, Lainey watching him as his lips roll between his teeth as he’s deep in thought. Change your mind. The words repeat in his mind like a broken record. That’s what he’s trying to do, for the right reasons; so that you won’t be so miserable. But behind those selfless reasons come with smaller selfish ones. He gets to be with you as more than a friend now, and although it’s nothing more than some kind of test run, he can’t help but feel like this can be something more too.

“Like you think…” he gulps, clearing his throat as the words stutter out of his mouth, “I could get her to fall for me?”

The lack of response that Lainey gives is ominous, but the raise of her eyebrows and toothy grin forming on her face needs no words to tell. If anyone is to change your mind, it’ll be Taehyung.

That night Taehyung took you to the drive-in movies. To be quite honest, you couldn’t really recall what was playing, some Pixar film with bugs as the main character if you can recall it correctly. You were far too distracted laughing with Taehyung, watching as young kids played around on a grassy patch near his car. The giggles that left his lips each time the little girl waved to him were music to your ears. You never noticed how much he loved kids, how good he was with them.

The image of his hands clasped together as he fawned over the little girl, picking dandelions in the grass and racing to place them by your feet was burned into your memory. The boxy grin that graced his face all night long. The way his eyes squinted from his cheeks, pushing up as he smiled so big. The whispers of the word ‘cute’ each time her pigtails bounced while she toddled away.

Missing the movie doesn't disappoint you. If anything, the memories you've saved from tonight are more than enough.

The next night you were unable to go out, the shop was so busy that you were not able to leave until an hour and a half after your shift was supposed to end. Some punk kid dropped 2 cones on the floor on his way out and decided it would be best to leave them there without cleaning anything up. Maybe if it hadn’t been so busy then you would have noticed the spill before it dried up and stuck to the tile floors.

Naturally, you spent a good 15 minutes trying to mop up all the stickiness on the floor. But to your luck, Taehyung is working with you that night. Once all the customers left the shop he hooked his phone up to the speakers, grabbed your hands, and danced you around the shop. Well, it was supposed to be dancing but it probably looked more like Taehyung swinging your arms as you attempted to not trip over your own feet.

It makes up for not getting to go out though, and you’d take a night like that over a fancy dinner any chance you got.

It’s been 12 days since you became Taehyung‘s girlfriend, and as the remaining days decreased, so did your hatred for love. Each night he planned something special. The real kicker was the texts that you get once he makes it home from dropping you off every night. A simple ‘I had a great time tonight’ was enough to make your heart swell and heat rise to your cheeks.

And as you notice your hatred for love and relationships leaving you, you notice another feeling enter your system. Or several feelings…

Things are getting just as sticky as the night two when ice cream cones landed on the shop floor face down, sprinkles and all. Spending time with Taehyung like this is bringing some things to the surface you didn’t know were buried in the first place.

Every night that you spent with Taehyung over the past 12 days allowed you to see him in a new light. You got to see him on a different level than just friends. You got to see what every girl that fawns over Taehyung experiences.

Something about your friendship never let you jump past that barrier. You only see him as a dear friend of yours. Nothing more and nothing less. And now the issue is that...you aren’t sure how you’ll ever go back to see him as such.

You like Taehyung as more than a friend, that's for sure. And you know because of that things will never be able to go back to the way they once were.

Maybe you're reading too much into it, but your gut is telling you that you aren't the only one feeling this way.

The feeling of butterflies that pound in your stomach each time you meet eyes with him has to be reciprocated. There is just no way you can be feeling this way and he isn’t.

This isn’t like the feelings you’ve caught for any guy before, this is something else. Every night when you go home you lay in bed, staring at your ceiling with a dumb grin on your face as you think about your time together, about him. About the way his black curly hair falls in front of his eyes each time he looks down and how his smile lights up every room he was in.

These things that you were so blind to before can’t escape your thoughts, and it makes you wonder how many times or things you’ve looked over that make you melt, just like you are right now.

But in just 2 days, this trial-boyfriend period will be over, and you’ll have to go back to being just friends. Each day, each hour, each minute that approaches feels heavier and heavier. Anxiety floods your system each time you think about things being over, or that this arrangement you have isn’t even real.

When you think about the growing feelings you have for him, you honestly can't imagine what your life will be like any other way. What it would be like going back to just hanging out here and there. And what it would be like

You can’t even fathom thinking about what it would be like hearing him talk about another girl again. It makes you sick thinking that there's going to be someone after you, because in just 5 days this will be all over, and you’ll go back to being the girl best friend, nothing more.

Maybe it’s just wishful thinking that Taehyung has more feelings for you too. But the glimmer in his eyes as his bangs brush out of his eyes and they land on you tells a different story. When he looks at you it feels like you are the only two people on earth. He sees nothing else but you, and the way your eyes sparkle back at him.

Each day you spend with Taehyung after that feels like a wrench tightening the screws of your heart. 14 days is just not enough.

“Earth to Y/N” Lainey says waving a hand in your face. You must have zoned out, for god knows how long.

“Thinking about Tae?”

“What,” she catches you off guard, straightening your posture and brushing yourself off before responding to her, “no…just thinking.”

“Right,” the sarcasm drips from her lips, turning away from you as she wipes off a table in the front.

For personal reasons, you’ve kept Lainey out of the loop during this whole fake-boyfriend Taehyung thing. It’s better if you keep your feelings to yourself until you figure them out. And although it feels really really strange not giving Lainey the intel on what’s going on in your life, you know it’s for your own good.

Once you put what is in your head out into the world, you can’t take it back. What if you are just in the honeymoon-phase? If these feelings for Taehyung are only because he’s trying his best to woo you, and then they’ll just fade away as things return back to normal.

Something in you tells you that this isn't the case, but the small shadow of doubt in the back of your mind keeps you from talking to your best friend about it anyway.

The thing is, you don't have to tell Lainey for her to know. Every time Tae picks you up from work to take you out you shine. Your smile spreads so wide she’s afraid your cheeks will tear. The nervous shake of your fingers as you grab for your belongings as you head out the door doesn’t go unnoticed in Lainey’s eyes. She knows you too well to look over things like this, she just wanted to wait for you to say something first.

But now that you aren’t, Lainey has decided to take matters into her own hands, asking you about it herself.

“Lainey,” you start, waiting for her attention before you pull out a stool, sitting down and motioning for her to follow suit. She does, a questioning but knowing look evident on her face as she joins you. “You know how this thing between Taehyung and I is just an experiment or whatever?”

She nods in response, her hand quickly falling into her palm as she listens intently to your words.

“I think I messed up.” Your head is buried in your arms, laid over the tabletop in embarrassment.

“What do you mean?”

Her question is more for clarification, she wants to hear you say it herself. She knows that you’re gonna tell her you caught feelings. She sees it coming from a mile away, you confirming it is just the icing on the ice cream cake.

“Don’t make me say it,” you whine, neglecting to pick your head up and look at her. You can feel the grin on her face. You know she's smirking at you right now, doing her best to hold back a laugh. Finally, you got over your ‘I hate love and relationships suck’ thing.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about,” she sings, quite obviously teasing you while another deep sigh echoes from your chest. You manage to pick your head up, leaning onto your elbows with your chin caught between your palms as you face her.

“I like him.”

It comes out as a whisper, but Lainey hears it loud and clear. If you didn’t know better, you’d assume that the smile on her face can't grow any larger, but it does. She jumps up from her chair in victory, doing a funny dance with her arms whooping in the air to celebrate. You’re confused as to why, but you’re too far in your own thoughts to pay it any mind; your head just sinks back into your arms as your forehead presses against the cold metal table beneath you.

“I knew it,” Lainey smiles, her happy dance subsiding as she sits back down across from you. “I knew this fake dating thing was gonna work.

“Yeah well it really worked, because now I have feelings for a guy that’s never gonna reciprocate them for me.”

Your tone is laced with sarcasm, a disappointing ring outlining each of your words. You’re too embarrassed to look at the girl sitting before you, worried that if you do all the emotions you’ve been holding onto for so long will spill over and stain your stone-cold image; one you’ve maintained for far too long.

But Lainey’s your best friend. The only one that you should be comfortable being vulnerable about your feelings for Taehyung with; for some reason all you can’t bring yourself to be.

Before you can get a grip on your emotions tears are streaming down your face, falling onto the cold metal surface under you in small puddles.

A sympathetic sigh leaves Lainey’s lips as she tries to gain your attention, “Hey.”

Inhaling deeply, you face her – mascara strewn across your face in black streaks and eyes nearly bloodshot. You’ve held this in for far too long. Only a double would tire you out and exhaust you enough to cry on the clock. Thank God it’s a rainy day, no customers ever come in on rainy days.

Or at least, no customers usually come in on rainy days. It's not until you hear the bells on the front door ring that you’re wiping your eyes, whipping around to greet whoever was entering.

And then you see him, standing there as he shakes out his umbrella, a bouquet of sunflowers in his hand.

And he sees you; mascara running down your face and tears staining your cheeks. He’s early. Your stomach turns at the sight of him, emotions not stable enough to handle carry a normal conversation like

“Y/N,” his voice is quiet, worry dripping in his tone as your name leaves his lips. But you can’t face him right now, not like this.

Your feet move faster than you mind, standing up and rushing to the back to avoid him. Taehyung doesn’t follow you, just stands there and watches you walk away, solemn and worried that he’s done something.

It’s not until Lainey is rising from her seat and pacing over to him that he’s brought back to reality.

“Taehyung,” she starts, hands coming up slowly to console him, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be here right now.”

“Wh-What’s wrong?” His lip worries between his teeth, eyes glossy as he stares at the door you just closed behind you. He’s looking at it intently, mind flooding with worry, wishing so badly that the door will just fly open, and you’ll tell him what was going on. In the back of his mind, he knows that you won’t, at least not for now. Talking about emotions has never been your strong suit, and chances of that changing at this moment are at an all-time low.

Lainey is unsure how to answer him, caught in between not wanting to lie and keeping your feelings private. She doesn’t want to speak for you; but she’s scared of saying something that can make this situation worse.

Her mouth gapes as she searches for a response to his question, lips opening and closing and she hums to find the right words. They don’t come.

The umbrella hanging from Taehyung’s hand drops with a crash, starling Lainey as she jumps at the sudden sound. But before she is even able to speak, the bell to the front door is ringing again, and Taehyung is walking away into the pouring rain.

The next day you wake up feeling numb. You’ve received several texts from Taehyung the night before, none of which you have the energy to reply to or even look at for that matter.

The guilt riddling your body has become too much for you to handle. You left work last night without even saying goodbye to Lainey. She’s a good enough friend and coworker to know that what you’re going through is more important than working the counter at an ice cream shop.

After Taehyung left she came back and let you know; she almost had to break down the door to the backroom in order for you to let her in. She told you to go home, get some rest and that you’d talk tomorrow.

But after waking up the last thing you want to do is talk about Taehyung; to think about him.

Every time you thought about how your arrangement was supposed to end in just a few days you felt sick. You have worked so hard to open up just to build your walls back up again. And now you’re back at square one.

When you agreed to be Taehyung’s girlfriend you did not expect to fall for him like this. He’s Taehyung. He’s your personal diary, the one who knows all the shit that nobody else knows and listens to all the shit that no one else cares about.

Feelings ruin everything. Love sucks, and you knew this before you agreed. You agreed under the circumstances that Taehyung could show you that relationships could be fun; not under the circumstances that he would make you fall in love with him,

And the more that you think about it, maybe you were always in love with him. Maybe you always had these feelings for him, but they were trapped in the tight bonds of friendship that your subconscious never let you out.

But none of that even mattered now. The deal had to be off, and you need to distance yourself from Taehyung before you are hurt any worse. The longer this goes on the worse that you are going to feel when it's all over.

How are you supposed to go back to normal after this? Like is Taehyung thinking that showing you how amazing relationships are, you won't fall for him or something? Or does his true plan consist of making you fall in love with him, just to string you along like every other girl he's dated?

You’re trapped in the never-ending spiraling thoughts, soiling your image of Taehyung with each new theory that crosses your mind. None of them are good. All of them paint him as a player, as someone who just used you.

But the little thump in your heart when you notice the sunflowers placed on your bedside table wants your mind to change. Your heart wants you to believe that Taehyung feels something too, that throughout this arrangement he has seen a different side to you too – that he’s fallen for you just like you have for him.

It's a knock at your door that guides you out of your thoughts. The repetitive tapping at your front door that drags you out of bed. And when you check your peephole and it's no one else, but your small blonde best friend standing on your doorstep that has relief rushing through your system.

The door cracks open, Lainey standing there with an umbrella in her hand – even though it was nearly 100º with clear skies.

“Why are you still in your pajamas? It's noon.”

She pushes past you and to your living room, plopping down on your couch and making herself comfortable as she waits for you to join. You spin on your heels, an exhausted breath leaving your mouth as you pace over to her, plopping down beside her.

“Why the umbrella?” Your brow furrows as she hands it over. You take it though, still confused behind the meaning of the object that you're holding and where it came from.

“It’s Taehyung’s.”

You nearly drop it as his name leaves her lips. The name causes your stomach to tighten, mouth-drying instantly as emotions well behind your eyes.

“Why?” Is all you can mutter out. Why was she giving it to you, why was she here, and why did she have it?

“You need to bring it back to him.” She says sternly, her eyes locked on you as she waits for you to look back at her. But you’re too focused on the umbrella placed gently in your hands, tracing your finger over every wire and the soft rubber handle.

“I can’t.” Your words come out in a whisper, breath light and airy as you sigh, sinking your body back into the couch cushions. Giving the umbrella back to Taehyung will mean that you have to go see him. And if you see him, he’s going to want to talk to you about last night, then question you about why you haven’t been returning his texts. No. You will not be giving Taehyung his umbrella back.

“Y/N,” your name leaves her mouth gently, a sigh following it before she reached for you, rubbing your arm comfortingly before continuing, “I think you need to talk to him.”

“Lainey,” you let out an annoyed sigh, “you know I can’t do that.”

You’re serious in your words. Not that you don’t want to talk to him. If you could, you would, but you can’t. There are too many emotions involved. The wound is fresh and seeing him would be rubbing salt right into it.

“Y/N,” she sighs, this time more forceful, she’s trying to get something across to you but it's going right over your head. “Talk to him. Please.”

“You know I’m going to end up hurt if I do.”

Tears well in your eyes as the words croak from your throat. It's dry and scratchy, full of fear and anxiety.

“I think you’d be surprised,” she mumbles, her eyes instantly widening on realizing the words that just escaped.

Eyes wide with confusion, they’re begging her to go on, but if she does then Taehyung won’t be the only one in deep shit right now. You can’t know what she knows.

“What do you mean I’ll be surprised?”

“I have to go,” she stands instantly, motioning to the umbrella, “and you need to bring this back.”

With a slight ruffle to your hair, Lainey is giving you a supporting smile and waving goodbye. And you’re left alone once again – just you and Taehyung’s blue umbrella.

It takes a lot of courage to get ready today. You make sure to take your sweet time rummaging through your closet, flipping through articles of clothing for the better half of an hour. At the end, you opt to go with a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt. There isn't enough energy in your body to put on anything else, and you know you’ll just want to curl back up in bed once you get home. Sweatpants are safe, and safe is just what you need.

No makeup today either. If things are anything like you’re expecting, your makeup will just end up ruined anyway. It's your better judgment to shower though, you’ve neglected to take one after work last night; opting to just bury yourself under your covers as soon as you got back. But today is a new day. And with a fresh shower and your comfiest pair of sweatpants, you are about as ready as you’ll ever be to get your heart broken into a billion pieces.

Umbrella in hand, you step out onto your front steps, relishing in your last few moments of ignorant bliss before making your way to Taehyung’s. You immediately regret your wardrobe decision as the sun beats down on your frame, the humidity making you feel sticky and gross – your favorite pants are no match for this heat.

But you’re on your way to your destination anyway, the drive feeling longer and more drawn out than normal. Taehyung didn’t live that far away from you, but the ride there still felt like an eternity with each theoretical scenario passing your mind.

Dragging your feet, you make your way to the front steps of his house. You’ve been here a million times, but today is different. From now on, every time you drive past this place all you’ll know is heartache.

You brush yourself off, taking a deep breath before bringing your hand up and pushing the doorbell. The sudden ringing sound startles you, even though you have every indication that it’s coming – you’re just too nervous and jumpy for your own good.

Footsteps approach the door, your stomach tightening more and more with the muffled pitter-patter of footsteps. You’re praying to God that it’s his mom, hoping that Taehyung just so happens to be out – even though his car is in plain sight parked just a few meters away from you. Wishful thinking, you suppose.

When the door to his house opens, you struggle to maintain your composure. He’s dressed similarly to you; a pair of sweats and an old sports t-shirt that has definitely seen better days.

“Hi.”

His eyes are sunken in, dark circles dragging underneath his eyes and his lips pulled downwards. He looks like a sad puppy, his dark hair all scruffy and sticking up in each direction – probably from him running his hands through it so many times.

“I came to give you this,” you extend the umbrella out before you. He nods before taking hold of it, his hand far at the opposite end making sure not to keep his distance. The more you look at him, the more sorry you feel for dodging his texts. He looks like he hasn’t slept a wink, and you’re afraid it’s all because of you.

“Oh...uh, thanks,” he struggles to make eye contact with you, looking down at the object in his hand.

It’s awkward, uncomfortable, and you can’t seem to find the words to say to break this strange tension between the two of you. He’s acting weird, shifting his weight back and forth but not moving away to close the door. His mind is racing once again – contemplating whether or not to just invite you in or leave it at that.

But with every aching bone in his body, he musters up the courage to lift his head, looking you directly in the eyes. Their dark like his, definitely from the lack of sleep you had the night before. Your mouth is turned downward too; hands fiddling together to try and distract yourself.

“D-Do you wanna come in?” He stutters, stepping aside slowly as he gestures towards his house. He suddenly worries when you don’t respond right away, taking a second to contemplate if this is a good idea or not. Ripping off the band-aid is never easy, but it needs to be done.

“Sure,” is the word that you decide on – hoping that it doesn’t make you seem disinterested or too desperate to talk. Maybe he’s just being kind though. Maybe it’s an empty offer, something that you say when you’re trying to be nice, but subconsciously hope that they won’t take you up on it. Like when you offer to share your food with someone, but you’re really hungry. You do it to be nice, not because you actually want to split the delicious looking burger and fries on your plate.

He leads you inside and to his bedroom. It looks the same as always, but it feels different. It still smells like him though, the comforting woodsy scent of pine and mahogany that he always reaches for. But that comforting scent is anything but comfortable. You’re frozen in place, unsure if you should sit on his bed and make yourself at home, much like every other time in the past. For now you just stand in the doorframe, waiting for him to tell you to take a seat, just like any polite guest would. A guest. You have never felt like a guest in his home before, or around Taehyung in general. But that imaginary wall between the two of you is standing tall and sturdy, and suddenly the two of you are reverted back to being strangers.

You watch as he toys with something on his desk, his fingers dancing from object to object and sifting through papers to look busy. The point of it – unknown to you but to him, he’s buying time. Trying to think of the first thing to say, what to ask, or if you even wanted to talk. Maybe you only agreed to come inside to be nice. Maybe you were too worried about hurting his feelings if you said no. But alas, here you are, standing awkwardly in his doorway as he shuffles around his room, his brain flooding with thoughts – but his mouth can not form them into audible words.

“I’m sorry for ignoring your texts.”

Your voice catches his attention, dropping whatever paper he’s looking at now and turning his gaze to you. You’re sunken into yourself, your chest thumping with anxiety as his eyes begin to wander your frame. Not in a ‘I’m checking you out’ manner though; more of a ‘you look so sad and I don’t know what to say to you right now’ kind of way.

It’s true though, he doesn’t know what to say – which is why he’s staring at you, hoping the right words would just pop up and he didn’t have to use any brain-power at all. He doesn’t want to say ‘it's okay,’ because it's not. You never ignore his texts, and that alone tells him enough about what's going on. You are upset at him.

“What did I do wrong, Y/N?”

His words sound accusatory but his tone is soft, gentle and full of worry. Eyes swollen and looking like they are about to fill to the brim with tears, his sight is focused on you; now not able to look away.

“I-I don’t know…”

Your answer is honest. You don’t know if his intentions are dirty. Yeah, that’s what you thought initially, but looking at him with such hurt written all over his face tells a different story.

Taehyung is silent, unsure of what more he can do or say to make you talk to him. He can’t force you to open up, he never has and he never will – that’s always been his rule. Everything you’ve shared with him has been on your own terms and conditions. Taehyung has always been here to be your listening ear, but he never pries.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

His voice is soft, eyes full of sympathy as he holds himself together. Those were the words he has been looking for. Now the ball is in your court and you’ll have to be the one leading the conversation. It’s just what he needed to figure this shit out.

“I-I don’t know.”

“Y/N,” he sighs as he drops himself down onto the mattress, “I shouldn’t have to say this for you to know it, but you know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

You do know that. You really, really do. But this time things are different. Is he expecting you to just come out and speak your truth like there won’t be consequences? No, he won’t push you to tell him anything you don’t want to. But the worry in his eyes and clammy hands are begging for you to just let it out so he can stop being in the dark.

You sigh out an ‘okay’ before sitting down beside him.

Rip the band-aid off Y/N. Quick and painless.

His eyes narrow, almost to a squint, staring right through you in hopes of reading your thoughts. Your expression is nothing but blank as you try your best to gain some sort of composure. Do you just speak up and spill your guts? The words replay in your mind over and over until your thoughts are beat down and misshapen.

You can picture his face when you say it; disgusted with a trace of disappointment and some confusion spread into the mix. Or maybe he’ll laugh at how pathetic you were, catching feelings for your fake boyfriend.

That’s it. There’s no way you can tell him. It would be much easier to just get up and leave. Tell him to pretend like none of this ever happened and that you needed some time to cool off. A few months maybe, or maybe you could just ghost him entirely.

“Y/N?”

The sound of his voice breaks you out of your toxic thoughts, and his chocolate brown eyes bring you back down to earth. You can’t just leave him in the dust. He’s looking at you like you’re the only thing that exists. Things will be okay, right?

“Sorry, sorry,” you exhale deeply as you calm your thoughts; shifting the nasty scenarios out and accepting that whatever happens after this conversation is your fate.

“Taehyung, I-I guess I wasn’t expecting this boyfriend-girlfriend thing we’re doing to go like this.”

His brow quirks at your words, confusion riddling his expression as his eyes narrow. With a tilt of his head, he’s pushing you to continue, visibly riddled with your choice of words.

“Swear you’ll be honest when I ask you this?” You question him, your hand moving closer to his as you lean in slightly. He’s like a magnet, you can’t help yourself from moving closer; even though the proximity of the two of you is clouding your thoughts and you can feel your heart beginning to swell.

He nods in response to your question, his eyes full of concern as he waits for you to continue, “Why did you ask me to do this thing?”

He knows that a question like this was coming, only if he could have prepared for it. But he didn’t, so his throat is left dry and scratchy as his mouth opens, only to stutter a bit before closing it back up. No coherent thoughts or words are able to escape his lips, just nonsense mumbling that caught himself off guard.

With a deep breath, he closes his eyes, regaining his composure before he can face you again. He agreed to be honest, and if honesty is what you want, honesty is that you’ll get.

“I’m sorry.” That’s all that he can say.

Oh no. This is exactly what you were expecting before you came here. He’s gonna tell you that he didn’t mean to mess with your emotions, that he felt you catching feelings and got carried away. That he’s sorry that he ruined your friendship and played you like a violin all at once.

“Me too.”

You don’t know why you’re apologizing, but you are. It feels wrong. Absolutely utterly, and undoubtedly wrong. Apologizing for your own feelings is not something that you are okay with. Especially when he made you fall for him like this. Okay so maybe thinking that is giving him too much power, but who the hell takes you out on dates for nearly 2 weeks straight just to laugh about it later. How can he expect you to not catch feelings for him? With his deep voice and fluffy hair that always hangs in front of his eyes, that little giggle he has when he finds something amusing. Everything about him was attractive. And you’ve fallen for it all. Hard.

“Wait, why are you sorry?”

A scoff escapes your mouth unintentionally, but it’s well deserved. “For being the idiot to fall for a guy that was playing her, I guess.”

You can’t look at him any longer, so your eyes fall to your lap, staring at your chipped nail polish and dirty fingernails instead of reading whatever dumb expression he has now. But if you just took a second to look up, you’d notice the widening of his eyes, how his fingers are beginning to shake and his mouth gape.

“Wh-What?”

“Don’t make me say it again Taehyung, I don’t feel like sounding stupid one more time.”

“No no I heard you, it's just,” his eyes slam shut, angry at himself that he let things get this far without keeping you in the loop.

You’ve been telling him that you hate love for years now. After hearing it so many times, he’d just given up on the thought of you. Maybe if he said something before you went through all those shitty guys things could have been different. But he’s let this go on for far too long, and now you’re the one that was paying the price.

“Y/N, I have feelings for you.”

Your neck nearly breaks with how fast your head snaps up. He’s the one looking away now, his cheeks a bit rosy as he tries to hide himself. He isn’t doing a very good job though, his hair is only shadowing his eyes and you can clearly see the way he’s nervously chewing on his lip; a cute habit you have grown fond of these past couple of weeks.

If he didn’t look like he does right now, you’d assume he was messing around. But you know Taehyung. You know his small little gestures and what they mean by now. You know when he’s being serious and when he’s telling a lie. He can look someone dead in the eye and lie to them, but when he tells the truth, he becomes shy and worried that he’s said the wrong thing.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You ask softly, gently reaching for his hand. The subtle contact makes him flinch, reacting by pulling your hand away. But his eyes meet your sympathetic ones, sparkling just like they always do, and he knows what he wants.

Taehyung’s hand reaches back for yours, lacing his fingers through yours before giving your hand a light squeeze. “You hate relationships,” he chuckles lightly, the mood of the room instantly shifting as the laughter leaves his lips.

“I hated the ones that weren’t with you,” you correct him, but your voice comes across as just a whisper. He’s close enough to hear though, a blushing grin forming on his face as you shyly look away. His heart flutters when he hears it, a million butterflies erupting in his tummy all at once.

“I hated the ones that weren’t with you too,” he coos, his eyes wide and sparkling as he looks at you with such adoration.

Time moves in slow motion as his hand meets your cheek, your eyes look deeply into his chocolate ones as he moves in closer. As your eyelids flutter shut his tongue runs across his bottom lip, wetting the surface before closing the distance between you. Finally.

And in that moment you’re at peace. Everything you thought you’ve ever hated, love, relationships, and maybe Taehyung for a hot second, are the only things that you long for. The 14 days don’t have to be over, and your days no longer have to be counted. When you’re with Taehyung you’re happy, you’re comfortable, and you're confident that he can give you what you have always deserved – but have never gotten.

His lips move against yours in slow, languid motions, his large hands holding you close like he’s holding on for dear life. But you won’t leave even if you want to, not now, not after all this.

Slowly, Taehyung shifts his weight and you move in succession. He’s laying you down on his bed, gently climbing over you without breaking the kiss. Things are becoming more heated now, you can feel it as his hungry lips devour your own. Your chest heaves up to meet his, your back arching off the mattress as his hands begin to scour your body. The heat pooling in between your legs is growing, an aching sensation overwhelming your core as your own hands reach up to rake through his long, fluffy hair. And you can tell he wants you too, the thin fabric of his sweatpants doing little to conceal the growing erection pressing against your thigh.

You can’t help but let out a steep moan as his hips begin to grind into yours. Needy groans fall past his lips and onto yours as you roll your hips upwards to meet his small ruts.

In a leisurely motion, Taehyung’s body is moving upwards, his knee finding a place between your legs as he brings himself up to a kneeling position. You chase his lips the entire way there, sitting up straight to be sure the contact doesn’t vanish, too consumed by your need for him to leave his lips.

And then his needy hands are running along the waistband of your sweats, fiddling with the tie before breaking your heated kiss. “Is this okay?” His words come out in a whisper, his eyes searching yours for any signs of doubt, but all he sees is lust.

“Yes,” you confirm, out of breath from making-out for so long without coming up for air. The lightheaded feeling taking over you goes unnoticed though, and quite frankly you’re too caught up in Taehyung to care.

Quickly, he rids you of your pants, looking back up at you for confirmation about your underwear. With an affirmative nod he’s removing those too, leaving you completely bare from the waist down as he stands over you fully clothed.

But soon he’s ridding himself of his own clothing, his shirt being pulled at the nape of his neck as he discards it across the room. He’s leaning back down to you, hungry for the feeling of your lips. He misses it, even though it's been less than a minute since he’s last felt your smooth lips on his.

You won’t open your eyes to see, but with the shuffling movements and shaky connection between your mouths you can tell Taehyung is stripping himself of any remaining clothing he has on. He’s needy, unable to wait any longer to get down to business, he’s already waited long enough.

You’re the one who breaks the kiss this time, too curious to see what he’s sporting down below for your own good. But you are not disappointed once you see it – he’s long and girthy; the pigment a shade or two darker from his skin tone than the rest of his body. Your thoughts are wandering, wondering what it's like to have him inside of you; dreaming about what he feels like. Arousal pools at your core, mouth salivating as your daydreams linger.

“Like what you see?” Taehyung chuckles. You barely notice that you’ve been staring, eyes wide and focused on the hardened dick before you, which is probably a bit uncomfortable for him.

“Sorry!” You cringe at yourself lightly, covering your eyes in embarrassment in fear that you just ruined the mood you’ve worked too hard to create.

“Don’t apologize,” he smiles as he grabs your wrists, moving them away from your round eyes. Scrunching your nose in displeasure, you catch your lip in between your teeth, mentally face palming at how weird you’re being.

He couldn’t blame you though, it was taking everything in him not to gawk at you. It was the first time you’ve seen each other naked. Bathing suits did little for your imagination, not that you had even thought about Taehyung this way before.

But he eases your nerves by coming down face level with you, reaching for your shirt and pulling it up over your head. You look at him with wide eyes, taking in each part of him as he caresses your body gently. He’s in awe of you like this. So relieved that you’re finally his, that he has you like this.

Nimble fingers dance down your body, landing at your core as he runs one up your slit, collecting your arousal on his fingertip. An impressed smirk grows slowly on his face, “I can’t believe you’re this wet already,” he hums. “All for me.”

His eyes remain focused on your center, devouring it with his eyes as his hands hold steady on your thighs. You can’t help but grow slightly embarrassed, dripping with arousal so early on though he’s barely touched you. A lump forms in your throat causing you to swallow thickly – this doesn’t go unnoticed by Taehyung.

A concerned expression crosses his face, brow furrowing as he moves his hands upward to settle on your waist. “Hey,” his voice is soft, gentle and full of worry, “everything okay?”

“Just nervous,” you answer, a fake smile showing on your face to try and combat your own emotions.

It is no secret that Taehyung is a bit more experienced than you are in bed. He knows that, you know that, and that is enough to turn you into a nervous wreck. Leave it to your own thoughts to ruin the moment.

“We don’t have to…”

“No!” Your voice comes out a little too eager, a bit loud, shocking Taehyung. His eyes widen in response, body jolting from the impact of your tone. “No,” you say more gently this time, “I want to.”

You did want to – you just have to get over your own nerves first. Luckily, Taehyung didn’t mind and was willing to guide you through it.

With a reassuring smile plastered across his face, he laces his fingers through yours. As you lock eyes, you nod him onward, giving him the go-ahead to continue. He moves languidly, his fingers moving back down to trace your slit once more. The sensation makes you tense, the nerves tingling through your body making it difficult for you to calm down.

But with a reassuring squeeze of his hand to yours, you’re taking a deep breath. Closing your eyes as you lie your head backwards onto his pillowcase. The smell of him consumes you, relaxing you effectively as his fingers meet the entrance of your core.

Shivers run through your body as he dips one finger inside. Your arousal acts as a natural lube, letting his finger glide gracefully into you. You gasp at the sensation, eyes rolling back into your head as he begins caressing your walls. His finger moves swiftly in and out of your core, his other hand still locked with yours to guide you through.

With your body finally relaxing, Taehyung is able to add another finger into the mix. The extra pressure makes you shudder for a moment, taking a little to adjust to the greater size inside of you. Thankfully the mild discomfort subsides, and he’s able to pump his fingers in and out once more.

He’s making sure to watch each of your expressions, growing harder and harder just from watching your face contort in bliss. With each of his movements you bite down harder onto your lip, focusing on him and him only.

“You’re doing so well,” he praises as his thumb rubs circles over your hand soothing you. You can feel your heart swell at his words, heat beginning to rise to your cheeks.

In one swift motion, Taehyung begins to separate his fingers, stretching your walls as his digits move in scissor-like motions inside you. “Fuck,” you mumble, hips jutting forward in reaction.

A steep moan leaving your lips as he brings his fingers back together, just to extend them once more. Your body is quickly getting used to the pressure, begging for more as you roll your hips.

He can sense that you’re eager from your movements alone. With one final squeeze, his hand is leaving yours. The empty feeling in your palm is unpleasant. But once you open your eyes and notice he’s using it to palm himself, his fingers groping around his length and beginning to pump slowly, that empty feeling is replaced with something else.

Your mouth salivates with desire, hungry for the feeling of him inside of you. He’s aroused you enough, and you’re too eager to feel him for your own good.

“Taehyung,” you moan, “fuck me please.”

His cock jumps in reaction to your words, his chest heaving as his breath catches in his throat. Never in his life did he expect to hear those words come out of your mouth – but he wouldn't mind hearing it again.

“Hmm?” He hums, knowing damn well what you said but being greedy enough to pretend that he didn’t. You whine in response, your legs shaking on the bed in a mini temper-tantrum.

“Please,” you drag out, “please fuck me.”

Your words are music to his ears. He removes his fingers from your dripping cunt, grabbing the backs of your knees to pull you closer to him and hike your legs up over his hips.

“Anything for you.”

Complying to your wish, he lines the tip of his cock up with your entrance. The feeling of his smooth head against your core is enough to make you moan, your head thrown back to expose the soft skin of your neck.

Taehyung takes this as an opportunity to leave his own mark behind, leaning down to attach his lips to your skin. You gasp as his teeth graze your skin, his plump lips sucking harshly before his tongue is swiping over the area to soothe it.

But your eyes open once he’s beginning to pull away to look at you. His eyes are dark, full of lust mixed with adoration, a sigh of relief leaving his chest as he gazes down at you under him. There’s a lot going on in his head right now. Of all the emotions swirling around, the thing he’s most focused on is how lucky he is to have you.

And before you know it, he’s leaning down. Pressing a chaste kiss to your lips, making you smile. One more kiss is left on your forehead before he's pulling back, securing the position of your legs on his hips.

And then he’s realigning himself with your core, pushing past your entrance and slowly descending into the depths of your pussy. He’s moving slowly, taking his time as he thrusts into you. The delicious stretch is unfamiliar, but it's not uncomfortable – like you were made just for him. A simultaneous groan leaves your lips as he bottoms out, the tip of his cock pressing deep into you on a spot that’s gone untouched.

He hums a sigh of contempt before pulling back, only to rock his hips into you once again. Your velvety walls welcome him delightedly, soft whimpers leaving your lips once he bottoms out again.

“Y/N,” your name leaves his lips in a low grunt, the bones of his pelvis driving into your skin as he begins to pick up his pace. In reaction you clench down on him, orgasm beginning to loom overhead with each movement of his hips.

Desire fills your senses as you roll your hips over to meet his thrusts. His movements are slow and intentional, making sure to bottom out each time to watch you squirm over his dick. He loves how your jaw drops each time his tip presses against your g-spot, knowing just when he hits it each time.

Taehyung’s teeth are barred, sweat gathering at his brow as his dark fluffy hair sticks to his face. He’s trying to hold himself back, the overwhelming urge to finish just in reach, but he doesn’t want to stop. So his hands roam your body to try and distract him, his palms caressing up the sides of your torso as your back bridges into him. The feeling of hot breath fans over your face with each sigh he lets out.

But the tightening knot in your stomach is threatening to snap with every movement of his hips. It's getting harder and harder to hold on with the power of his thrusts growing stronger.

“Taehyung,” you whine, “so close” your hands find his back, fingernails dragging down his spine in attempts to ground yourself. Taehyung’s face contorts as your nails pierce his skin, leaving lines of red scratches down the length of his posterior.

The stretch from his length and his rhythmic motions sends your senses into overdrive. Squeezing your eyes shut and grasping onto the sheets underneath you, you can taste the brink of your orgasm. Taehyung is focused; his grip on your thighs strong and his face contorted with bliss. But all you can think about is how stupid you could have been if you had decided to just cut him out. What matters is that you’re here with him now, and the thought of that is enough to push you over the edge.

Your breath hitches in your throat, stomach twisting and turning as your pussy throbs repeatedly around his member. Emotions running high, three words almost slip past your lips, but with the small amount of strength you can muster up, you hold them back. Another time, some time that isn't so lust filled like this one.

Taehyung’s thrusts are growing sloppy. His grip on your legs tightening as his lip is caught between his teeth. And with just a few quick thrusts, he’s coming undone inside of you. White, hot spurts of cum paint your walls, filling you up and making you feel so unbelievably full.

You’ve always felt close to Taehyung – he knew everything about you and vice versa; but this time was different. The way his hands settled on your legs, bringing them down gently after finishing. How his eyes are becoming so soft as he looks at you, a lazy grin pulling at his lips. You’ve never felt closer to Taehyung as you do in the moment. As his body collapses next to yours, pulling you in and holding you close as you recover from your highs, you’re completely at peace.

“Sorry I got carried away, I guess I should have asked if you’re on birth control still,” he laughs, burying his face into the crook of your neck.

“I am,” you chuckle alongside him.

Your naked bodies tangle together, his leg weaving its way through yours to be as close to you as possible. He’s intoxicated by you, closing his eyes as he rests against your body in complete bliss. Now that he has you this close he never wants to let go; and neither do you.

“Can I tell you something?” His voice is soft, whisper like but still confident. His tone doesn’t falter.

“Anything.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

Butterflies erupt in your tummy, your heart thudding in your chest as heat rises to your cheeks. He loves you. It's not that friendship kind of love anymore; it's the relationship kind. The same kind that makes your heart skip a beat and body riddle with every emotion in the book. The kind that keeps you up all night thinking about – but also helps you fall asleep, knowing he’ll be there in the morning.

And all of a sudden it seems so stupid that you were fighting those words back in the heat of the moment just a few minutes ago. He felt it too, you always knew that.

“I love you, Taehyung.”

Crush culture once made you want to spill your guts. Every guy sucked, relationships were stupid and love was a social construct that you didn’t feel like conforming to. There was absolutely no one that you would waste your time on, until Taehyung came around. What you had been looking for your entire life has always been right in front of your eyes – you were just too dumb to see it.

Maybe love is alright, after all.

#bb2020 #bangtanarmynet #networkbangtan #ficswithluv #btswriterscollective #smutcentralnet #magicshopnet #bangtanhq #cypherwritersnet #winterbearnet #kpopuniversenet #taehyung x reader #kth smut #kth fluff #kim taehyung #taehyung fanfiction

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baepsaesbae · 4 years

Text

I Choose You

Pairing— Kim Taehyung x reader

Genre— SMUT, slight angst, fluff, Idol!Taehyung x reader

Warnings— fingering, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex always use protection!!, slight choking and slight nipple play

Word Count— ~3.3k

Summary— Being one the secret girlfriend of one of the most famous kpop stars in the world can have its challenges. How much longer can you keep the charade up?

A/N —The fic banner was made by the lovely @ddaengyoonmin. I really hope you enjoy it!

“God, this is so nice. I’ve really missed you. You haven’t had a day off in how long?”

“Too long. At least I finally have a day that’s devoted completely to you,” Taehyung boops your nose.

Your (secret) boyfriend, Kim Taehyung, is a world famous idol with one of the busiest schedules in the universe. Despite rarely seeing each other, Taehyung never ceases to show you his love and affection. You get daily texts and videos of him being a goof with the other bandmates. Although the other members were apprehensive about Tae having a secret girlfriend, they soon became supportive after they finally met you.

“It’s silly that you still insist on going on dates in a different city. You didn’t just debut; people will still recognize you outside of Seoul,” you say.

“That’s why we come to little mom and pop restaurants like this! Fewer people come here, plus the food is always delicious,” Taehyung excitedly licks his lips as the food is being served.

“Good point. It doesn’t matter where we are as long as I’m with you,” you smile.

Taehyung returns your smile with a boxy one of his own before he digs into the food.

The rest of the day was spent walking through parks and going into various dessert shops. Taehyung doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth, but you do. He’ll take every chance he can get to spoil you, especially on the days that he gets you all to himself.

He drove you back to your apartment at the end of the day. Saying goodbye is always bittersweet.

“I love you, angel,” Taehyung kisses your cheek as you both stand in front of your apartment.

“I love you too, Tae,” you pull him in for a hug, “Stay the night with me,” you whisper to him.

“I’d have to leave early in the morning for practice,” he whispered back.

“I know that, dummy. I don’t care. I just want you to hold me for a little while longer,” you plead.

“Okay, let’s go snuggle then,” he kisses the top of your forehead.

You change into your pjs, preparing to turn in for the night. You jokingly offer Taehyung one of your t-shirts to wear to sleep. He scoffed at your offer and instead just stripped down to his underwear.

“You know I’d prefer to sleep like this,” he giggled as he tackled you onto the bed, “It sucks that I rarely get to, you know, since we’re being filmed so often.”

“Don’t worry, you’re not being filmed here,” you stroke through his soft hair.

As you began drifting off to sleep, Taehyung murmured in your ear, “What if I want to do more than just hold you?”

“What would that entail?” you sleepily replied, your eyes still closed.

“Maybe you could help me with this,” he suggested, slowly grinding his crotch into your backside.

You turn around to face him, your hand trailing down to cup his bulge. You begin palming him through his underwear while kissing along his jawline.

“Is this helping?” you tease.

“Starting to,” he seductively replies.

In one swift motion, he’s on top of you, pinning your wrists above your head. He smoothly grinds his crotch into yours, turning you on even more. He bends over to kiss you. At first, it was a soft gentle kiss as his lips lightly pecked yours. It quickly turned into a deeply passionate kiss, tongues and saliva swapping mouths.

Taehyung releases his grip on your wrists, sensually kissing a line from your neck to your stomach. He tugs off your shorts and underwear before spreading your legs wide open. Without hesitation, he licks a long wide stripe between your folds. He chuckled when you gasped. His continued licking you this way while adding an extra little flick on your clit each time. It felt amazing but his pace was slow, and you started to whine.

“What’s wrong baby? It doesn’t feel good?” he asks.

“It feels amazing. You’re just teasing me a lot,” you slowly reply between breaths.

“Oh, is this what you’re missing?” he asks as he slips a finger into you, causing your breath to hitch.

You moaned out in response, indicating that it was indeed what you were missing. Taehyung returned to working on your clit, his tongue rotating between flicking it and going in circular motions around it. He simultaneously slipped another finger into you and was rhythmically pumping into you, bringing you closer to the edge.

Your legs began to move uncontrollably, forcing Taehyung to pin one of them down as he ate you out faster and more intensely. It wasn’t long after that when you unraveled into his mouth.

He looks up at you with a smirk on his face. He licks off your juices from his lips and just the sight of that was enough to make you horny again.

“God, I missed the way you taste,” he said while taking off his underwear.

He ran his length along your soaked folds, teasing you.

“You think you’re wet enough for me, baby?” he asks.

“Why don’t you find out?” you bat your eyes innocently.

Taehyung responded by slowly filling you up until he bottomed out. He didn’t have the patience to tease you anymore, as he began to roughly slam into you. Your moans drowned out the wet sounds of slapping skin.

Taehyung pushes your knees close to your face to further expose your pussy as the lower half of your body lifts off the bed. His pace begins to slow down as he teases himself by just bringing the tip of his dick in and out of you. Doing this always brought him closer to the edge, but it made you needier.

“Tae s-stop teasing me,” you whine.

“I’m so close, love,” he pants as he moves your legs to rest atop his shoulders.

One of Taehyung’s hands wraps itself your neck while the other fondles your breast. His hold on your neck gets firmer as he pinches your nipple. Every sensation overwhelms you, leading you to an intense orgasm.

Seeing you squirm with pure bliss underneath him is what forced Taehyung to follow suit. His hot juices mixed with yours as he released a guttural moan of pleasure.

You pull him into a warm embrace, not caring that you’re both sweaty messes. He gingerly kisses your forehead, and you nuzzle into his neck in response.

��I love you so much,” you whisper.

“Not as much as I love you, angel,” Taehyung whispers back as he strokes your cheek.

You both fall sound asleep not long after. Taehyung eased you back to sleep when his alarm went off at dawn. He gave you a final loving peck on the forehead before silently departing.

A cold empty bed greeted you as you reached out for Taehyung in vain. You knew he wouldn’t be there, but it was instinctual to cuddle up to him. You sighed and rolled back over to your side. Grabbing your phone, you looked for something to distract your feelings of loneliness.

Checking your phone as soon as you wake up is probably a bad habit. To be fair, who doesn’t do that these days? Your eyes are barely open as you scroll through your social media. Giggling at random animal videos is how you’d ideally want to start your day. Instead, a celebrity gossip article was plastered all over your feed.

“BTS IDOL SPOTTED WITH POSSIBLE GIRLFRIEND?!?!” was sprawled across the top of the article.

Your eyes widened with fear. Did the paparazzi finally expose the secret Taehyung had tried so desperately to keep? Taking a deep breath, you hesitantly clicked on the story.

The photo accompanied with the piece was blurry and hard to make out. The venue seemed to be in some sort of club or bar. The lights were dim but sure enough, you were able to make out Taehyung’s angelic face.

However, you’ve never been to this place before. The girl in the photo was all over him, her arms wrapped around his neck. Her hair color was different than yours, solidifying your aching heart.

Scandals and gossip were common, but you’ve never actually seen footage like this before. Until now, the speculating tabloid articles never had any pictures.

Taehyung would never cheat on you, you knew that. You were sure there was a logical explanation to the picture, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. Sometimes you wish the public actually knew about your relationship, that way you wouldn’t have to deal with trivial things like this.

You decided to call Taehyung after reading the article.

“Hey, ___! What’s up?” he happily picked up after one ring.

“Have you seen the latest gossip about you?” you directly ask.

“Uh, there’s a lot of that everywhere babe,” Taehyung replies.

“I’ll send it to you,” you curtly say.

Silence settled as Taehyung opened the article on his end.

“Oh,” you hear him say quietly.

“Oh?” you repeated.

“___, the paparazzi blew this way out of proportion,” Taehyung stated.

“I know. That’s why I called you, so you could tell me yourself what is happening here,” you felt your patience wearing thin.

“That’s an ARMY,” Taehyung simply asserted.

“There are millions of ARMY all over the globe, but none of them party with you like that,” you retort.

“She came up to me telling me how much she loves our music,” he began to explain, “She’s an up and coming idol that just debuted from a small company.”

“Yeah, I read that. Did it ever occur to you that she could have staged that? What better way to become famous than to be associated with a member of BTS?” you admonish him.

“No, that thought didn’t cross my mind. Don’t worry, ___. She was super sweet. She left me alone after she hugged me, I promise. You can ask Jimin if you don’t believe me,” Taehyung attempted to comfort you.

The fact that he brought up asking Jimin reassured you. Jimin can’t lie for shit, especially not to you.

“Okay, I believe you. I’m sorry for nagging you,” you say after a brief pause

“You could never nag me. I think I have some free time next week. What do you say to a street food date?”

“In Myeongdong?” you ask excitedly.

“Where else?” he laughed.

“Absolutely. 100% yes,” you cheer.

“Perfect, I’ll see you then, angel,” he bids you goodbye before hanging up.

A few uneventful days pass. You miss Taehyung (as always do), but seeing that picture of him with another idol really didn’t sit well with you. Taehyung always had the tendency to see the best in people. That’s not a bad thing, but sometimes it ends up hurting him. You can’t stand the thought of someone using him to their advantage.

You were in the middle of a work assignment when your back started to hurt. Working from home is a blessing, but sometimes you get so roped into it that you don’t take a break for hours on end.

You get up to stretch and drink some water. Whipping out your phone, your fingers automatically open up your social media app. What you saw nearly made you spit out your water.

“BTS IDOL SPOTTED WITH SAME GIRL, CONFIRMING GIRLFRIEND SPECULATION!”

This time you don’t hesitate to open the page. Your eyes scanned over the multiple pictures of Taehyung and the girl laughing at a restaurant, sitting at the same table. Anyone would assume that they were on a date. The girl was feeling up on his arms and chest again, and the sight of it made you sick to your stomach.

[5:20pm] I don’t think I can make it to the street food date

[5:30pm from Tae] What? Why? Is everything okay?????????

[5:31pm from Tae] ???????

[5:32pm from Tae] ??????????

[5:35pm] Idk, why don’t you ask your new girlfriend? *link sent*

[5:37pm from Tae] ___, this is just another misunderstanding. You know the tabloids have nothing better to do than to gossip.

[5:38pm] I really don’t like this girl.

[5:38pm from Tae] Why? You’ve never met her lol

[5:40] I just have a bad feeling. When have I ever been wrong about something like this?

[5:41pm from Tae] You’re just being paranoid, love. She’s just a huge fan. She wanted me to give her tips on being a successful idol.

[5:42pm] and you had to do it over a meal? You couldn’t have just texted her?

[5:43pm from Tae] What has gotten into you??

You were crying at this point. You felt that you were being reasonable. Your gut instinct was telling you that something was off about that girl. Taehyung just made you feel like a fool for questioning it.

[5:50pm] Please don’t see her anymore. For me.

[5:52pm from Tae] She’s my fan first and foremost. I wouldn’t be where I am without people like her. Her manager asked PD if we can have a joint company lunch, and he agreed. I’ll be seeing her tomorrow, and that is out of my control.

You didn’t reply for the rest of the night. You curled up into a ball and cried yourself to sleep. You hated this. You hated being in a secret relationship. You just wanted to love Taehyung proudly and openly. It wasn’t fair that some random girl was able to do what you should have been doing all along.

You were extremely unproductive the next day. All you could think about was Taehyung. You wanted nothing more than to cuddle up in his arms and forget everything that has happened.

Your mind wandered to the joint company luncheon. That girl was probably all over him again, but he would just view it as her being a friendly fan. The thought hurt your heart. There had been no conversation between the two of you the entire day.

An episode of My Hero Academia played on your laptop as you huddle around it eating a bag of popcorn that was supposed to serve as your dinner. You didn’t have the energy to cook or go out to eat, but at least you were eating something (that was your flawless reasoning to yourself).

Your phone buzzes beside you. You see Taehyung’s call but ignore it. You were sad earlier, but further reflection turned your mood into one of pure annoyance. The whole situation was ridiculous and just wanted to be left alone for now.

Your phone buzzed continuously as Taehyung repeatedly called. You turned your phone off and turned your attention back to the show.

An hour later there was a knock on the front door. You opted to ignore it and pretend you weren’t home. The knocking persisted. The knocking persisted for a whole 15 minutes.

Fed up, you go to answer it.

“What do you want--”

“I’m sorry,” Taehyung said, hiding his face behind a beautiful bouquet of carnations.

You were shocked. Here you were, not showered and still in your pjs with your mouth agape as Taehyung was dressed up in a Gucci suit looking as if he were about to walk the red carpet. He shyly thrust the bouquet towards you while looking down bashfully.

“Sorry for what?” you cross your arms.

“You were right. About the girl. She tipped off the paparazzi about the company lunch today. She tried planting a kiss on me as soon as she saw me. She made a scene about me “leading her on” in front of everyone. It was a huge mess and PD was furious. There will be a small press conference tomorrow to disperse any rumors,” he explains.

You finally took the flowers from him and wordlessly retreated back into your apartment. He followed you inside.

“I told you so,” you huff, not looking at him.

“I know, angel, I know,” he hugs you from behind, “I want you to come to the conference tomorrow.”

“Me? Why?” you question.

“Moral support,” he replied succinctly before kissing the back of your head.

“Fine,” you agreed.

“You wanna eat in tonight?” he asks.

“You have the time to eat dinner with me?” you slightly cheer up.

“I can even stay the night. If you’d let me, of course,” he spins you around to look you in the eyes.

“I suppose I can let you stay,” you fail at suppressing a smile.

Taehyung orders your favorite takeout food and you eat together on the couch while watching a random movie. You lent Taehyung one of your bigger shirts so that he wouldn’t get his expensive suit dirty.

“Why’d you even show up here in that?” you giggled as he stepped out wearing your shirt with just his underwear.

“I wanted you to know that I was being serious. Also, I’m wearing this at the press conference tomorrow.”

“Ah, there it is,” you laugh.

You drive Taehyung to the press conference the following morning. You enter the building separately, which was a normal occurrence. Taehyung disappears to join the rest of the boys as you sat in the back of the conference room, trying to appear like an intern. Not drawing any attention to yourself became an essential skill. It allowed you to unofficially accompany Taehyung to various events.

Lights flashed and voices raised as the boys entered the room. They all looked nervous, but Taehyung looked the most anxious. He kept glancing around the room until he finally saw you. He shot you a faint smile before taking stepping to the podium as the rest of the boys sat behind him.

“Taehyung! Is it true that you led the young idol on when you had no real intentions of dating her?” a reporter shouted.

“No, that’s not true at all. I was under the impression that she was an ARMY who just wanted tips on how to be a successful idol. No romance was ever involved,” Taehyung professionally answered.

“So you were never dating her to begin with?” another reporter questioned.

“No, I never dated that girl…” he began to trail off as his eyes meet yours, “But I am dating the most wonderful girl in the universe.”

The crowd exploded. Indistinct questions were hurled at Taehyung, but he didn’t care. He smugly smiled at your shocked face, your jaw was practically on the floor. You couldn’t believe what he just said. The boys behind him tried to hide their smiles, indicating to you that they knew what he was about to do all along.

“In time we will reveal our relationship to the public, but for now we ask for everyone to please respect our privacy. That is all,” he concluded.

He didn’t answer any further questions; instead, he promptly left the room with the rest of the band trailing behind him. You quickly exited the room and snuck your way into their practice room, where you found all of the boys.

“What the hell were you thinking?!” you scold Taehyung as soon as you saw him.

“I know you’re tired of hiding, angel. I am too. It’s time for us to be able to go on real dates without worrying who will see us,” he calmly answers.

“PD gave him the okay to reveal that he’s in a relationship. Don’t worry, neither of you will be in any trouble,” Namjoon pats your back.

“Can’t say the same for ARMY,” Yoongi adds.

“Real ARMY would understand. I love you, ___. Nothing will ever change that,” Taehyung said fondly before kissing your cheek.

“Ew hyung! Go get a room,” Jungkook teases.

You smirk at Jungkook before pulling Taehyung into a deep kiss. You didn’t care if the other boys were watching, you couldn’t contain how happy you were.

“EW ____ THAT’S WORSE!” Jungkook bellows, causing the room to erupt with laughter.

This is the start of a new chapter in your relationship, and you couldn’t wait for it to begin.

#bts smut #taehyung smut #bangtanarmynet #btswritingcafe #bts fanfic #taehyung angst #bts angst #taehyung fluff #bts fluff #kpop smut #kpop fanfic #bayanihanboost #ksmutclub

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auror-lovie · 4 years

Text

I Won’t Say (I’m in Love) (Theseus Scamander)

━━━•✦.✧. Author’s Note.✧.✦•━

Second writing challenge??? LET’S GO.

Also, I’m trying out a new editing thing. So may be I’ll be using a mix of moodboards and character banners??? I don’t know, tell me how the aesthetic feels.

Congrats Haley ( @wand3ringr0s3 )!!! To one of my lovely motivators, you deserve all the followers and so much more! Sending all the love and support!

A big thanks to @weasleysflowr and her fic for this challenge! Thanks to your fic, it gave me the motivation to bust my butt off and finish this AT 2 AM. Love ya, Ayli!!!

━━━━━•✦.✧. About .✧.✦•━

(Y/N) didn’t mean to fall in love with him- she was only doing her job.

━━━━━•✦.✧. Add- Ons .✧.✦•━

It’s about time I start sharing my man with the readers (Sorry I’m such a simp for Theseus-)

Preface: Theseus and Leta are not engaged in this universe.

Angst, but what’s new?

Dialogue heavy

Character death :)

(Okay, I REALLY LOVE WRITING ANGSTY THETORIA CONTENT, HUH. WHETHER IT BE PLATONIC OR ROMANTIC-)

I usually write Theseus and Victoria with perfect personalities… I hope this fic will change that and I can start writing more of their ugly sides.

━━━━━━•✦.✧.☾.✧.✦•━━━━━

Haley’s 1.9K Writing Challenge:

I Won’t Say (I’m in Love): Theseus Scamander x Reader

━━━━━━•✦.✧.☾.✧.✦•━━━━━

“You’re so pretty, why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

Was the question that (Y/N) received on a near day to day basis. Some from colleagues, some from distant relatives, and some from random people who tried to ask her out on a date.

To answer that question would take a whole other story, but to keep it short: She was hurt by first love. (Y/N) loved him with all her heart and he repaid her by falling in love and running away with another woman.

(Y/N) was a hopeless romantic and she was aware of that. All the romance novels that the muggles always talked about- she read them. All the romance films- she watched them. When her fellow Aurors were in relationships, she felt joy and happiness swell in her heart.

Though she desperately wanted a boyfriend, she was afraid. Afraid that one day, he’d leave her. So she kept her heart locked away. Besides, there was no time for romance- not in the midst of a war. Rumors of Grindelwald gathering more members for his “organization” spread through the Auror department like wildfire.

Under the temporary direction of Head Auror Victoria Howard, missions were successful. Despite feeling anxious, she led her fellow Aurors with confidence and determination. Yes, there were casualties, but that was the price of any mission.

Victoria always had a weird feeling about (Y/N). (Y/N) was sweet, nurturing, and quite intelligent. She was a great Auror, but something didn’t sit right with her. These feelings amplified when War Hero, Theseus Scamander, came into the picture.

Theseus walked into the room full of Aurors behind Victoria and Travers. “As you all know, the Head Auror Howard will be stepping down and Theseus Scamander will be taking her place.”

Declarations of distress echoed throughout the room. “But sir, Miss Howard was leading us just fine!” An Auror argued.

Before Travers could stupidly respond, Victoria took a step forward. “I know some of you may not agree with the changes, but Mister Scamander is a great leader. I think he’ll bring us farther than I ever could.”

Theseus nodded and patted Victoria’s shoulder. “One of the reasons why I’m a great leader is because of her. She’s always pushing me to be the best. So I hope I can lead you all to victory to the best of my abilities.”

After the formalities, Victoria had led Theseus around the room to get to know his fellow partners. He got along with most of them. The ones he didn’t get along with were the ones still slightly upset about the change, but he paid no mind to it. Then they got to (Y/N).

“Hello, Mr. Scamander. I’m (Y/N) (L/N) and I’m looking forward to working under your direction.” (Y/N) greeted happily.

Victoria felt her stomach twist up in knots, but didn’t let it show. Was she jealous? No- something didn’t feel right about (Y/N) and she was determined to find out.

“Well, Miss (L/N), I’m looking forward to working with you as well. Victoria has said amazing things about you.” Theseus replied.

•✦.✧.☾.✧.✦•

It had only been three months and he asked (Y/N) out on a date.

Victoria was in Leta’s office, pacing back and forth.

“Three months. Three months, Leta! And he’s already made his move on her!” Victoria ranted.

Leta sighed, rubbing her temples. “From what I’m hearing, I’m assuming you’re… jealous.”

Victoria stopped pacing and glared at her friend. “I’m not jealous, Leta. I’m over-protective. I trust my intuition and I know that (Y/N) girl is up to no good.”

“Have you talked to Theseus about it?”

“W-Well… No…” She trailed off.

“Then that’s your problem, Vi.”

Victoria sighed and plopped herself on a chair. “I swear… That girl’s got something to hide…”

~*~*~

To say he had a crush was an understatement. No- Theseus was in love with her.

“Wow. What a day. First that restaurant and then a nice walk in the park?” Theseus started as he and (Y/N) walked into a nearby park.

They both chuckled, Theseus shoving his hands in his pockets. “I didn't know that playing hooky could be so much fun.”

(Y/N) smiled. “Yeah. Neither did I.”

“Thanks, (Y/N).”

“Oh, don't thank me just yet. Oh!” She exclaimed, tripping on a crack in the pavement, falling into Theseus’ arms.

“Careful. I guess being quick and light on your feet only applies to the mission field, huh?” Theseus teased.

“Sorry,” (Y/N) laughed nervously. “I’m a klutz.”

“Oh? Well, maybe you better sit down for a while.” He said, carrying her to a nearby bench and they sat down.

(Y/N) cleared her throat, ignoring the blush rising to her cheeks. “So, uh, do you have any problems with things like… this?”

Theseus cocked his head to the side in confusion. “Uh…”

“Klutzes, I mean.”

“Oh. Uh, no. Not really.” He shrugged.

(Y/N) moved closer to him. “No weaknesses whatsoever? No mundane worries?”

“What are you getting at, (Y/N)?”

(Y/N), moving even closer to him. “No… insecurities?”

“E-Everyone has insecurities and worries. I worry about losing the people I care most about. My parents, my brother, Victoria, Leta…” He paused. “You.” He mumbled.

“What was that?” She asked.

“Nothing!” Theseus cleared his throat. “It was nothing.” He said, finally stood up from the bench. “Let’s just get back before people notice that we’ve been gone for most of the afternoon.”

~*~*~

Theseus and (Y/N) quickly made their way into the Ministry Headquarters, making sure to stay out of sight. They ran up to the Auror department without causing a scene.

When they reached the door to (Y/N)’s office, they stopped outside to catch their breath.

“Pretty Boy… You are... perfect.” (Y/N) said between breaths.

“Thanks…” Theseus paused. “You know, as a kid, I was expected to set high standards. I was Quidditch captain, Head Boy, and took as many NEWT level classes as I could. I think that’s why my brother dislikes me so much.” He chuckled, resting his head against the wall. “I just… I just wanted to be like every other guy.”

She scoffed. “You wanted to be petty and dishonest?”

“Not everyone is like that.”

“Yes, they are.” (Y/N) said softly.

Theseus turned his gaze to her. “You're not like that.”

“How do you know what I'm like?” She spat.

Theseus took her tone as a defense mechanism. “All I know is... You're the most amazing person I've ever met. (Y/N), when I'm with you I don't feel so... alone.”

“Sometimes it's better to be alone.” She said, rubbing her upper arms.

“What makes you say that?” He asked, pushing himself off the wall.

“Nobody can hurt you.” (Y/N) said, trying her best to not look at him.

“I would never ever hurt you.” Theseus quickly replied.

(Y/N) turned to face him, not realizing how close they were to each other. “And I don't wanna hurt you, so... let's both do ourselves a favor and stop this before we-”

Their lips moved in close for a kiss, but the moment before it happened, a voice interrupted them.

“All right, break it up! I’ve been looking all over the Ministry for you.” Victoria said as she came into view.

(Y/N) groaned in annoyance once she realized who it was. “Calm down, Victoria. It was all my fault.”

“I already have a bone to pick with you, so don't make it worse,” Victoria said, glaring at (Y/N).

“And as for you,” She looked at Theseus. Theseus looked at her before quickly avoiding her stare. “You’re lucky I saved your arse from Travers. We had a meeting today and you were supposed to lead it, but no. You decided to play hooky.”

“Okay, okay…” Theseus said, feeling like a child being reprimanded by their parent. As much as he deserved it, he hated it when she scolded him.

“I'm sorry.” (Y/N) said softly.

He let out a half-hearted chuckle. “Ah, she'll get over it,” Theseus said, facing her. He tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear and kissed her cheek.

“Come on, Theseus. We have work to do.” Victoria said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Theseus gave (Y/N) a smile before walking off with Victoria.

(Y/N) was left alone, her hand touching the cheek he’d kissed minutes ago. “Oh, what's the matter with me? You'd think a girl would learn.”

“(Y/N)! You’re finally here! I have things to discuss with you.”

(Y/N) quickly turned around to see Leta. “L-Leta!”

Leta smiled. “Don’t worry. Unlike Victoria, I won’t go all Mama Bear on you. Shall we discuss this in your office?” She asked, gesturing to the door.

She nodded. “Of course!”

Once inside, Leta and (Y/N) sat on the chairs. “So, tell me everything! How was your date?”

(Y/N) blushed lightly. “I-It was hardly a date. It was more of an… extended lunch.”

“Come on, spill the details! Do you like him?” Leta asked excitedly.

“What? O-Of course not.” She sighed, reminiscing on her first love. She would not fall victim to love- not again. “If there's a prize for rotten judgment, I guess I've already won that. No man is worth the aggravation. That's ancient history been there, done that.”

“Are you kidding? He’s the Earth and Heaven to you! You may try to keep it hidden, but honey, I can see right through you.” Leta replied.

“Oh, no. That’s preposterous! I can’t possibly be-”

“I know how you feel. I can see it in your eyes, (Y/N). You’re in lo-”

“No way. It's too cliche,” (Y/N) quickly interrupted.

“(Y/N), just listen-” Leta started again.

“Get off my case, Leta…” She trailed off.

Leta sighed, patting (Y/N)’s shoulder. “It's okay if you're in love…”

(Y/N) looked at Leta and smiled, relaxing in her chair. “At least at loud, I won't say I'm in love.”

After a while, Leta had left and (Y/N) sat at her desk to complete her piling paperwork. All was silent until-

“Hey, what's the buzz, huh, (Y/N)? What is the weak link in the Pretty Boy's chain?” A voice asked.

“Get yourself another girl, I'm through.” (Y/N) replied, exhausted.

“I'm sorry. Do you mind running that by me again? I must have had a chunk of stone wedged in my ear or something.” said Grindelwald as he came into view from the shadows.

“Then read my lips! Forget it!” She said, slamming her hands on her desk and glaring at him.

Grindelwald chuckled darkly. “(Y/N), (Y/N), (Y/N), my sweet deluded little minion. Aren't we forgetting one teensy-weensy, but ever so crucial little, tiny detail? I own you!”

“I’ll just apologize for snapping at them and not considering their relationship… Whatever they are…” Victoria mumbled to herself as she walked to (Y/N)’s office.

Grindelwald continued, “You work for me! If I say, "sing", you say, "Hey, name that tune" If I say, "I want Pretty Boy’s head on a platter," you say-”

“Medium or well done,” (Y/N) sassed back.

Victoria gasped softly as she heard a snippet of their argument from the opposite side of the door. “Oh! I knew that girl was trouble. This is gonna break Theseus’ heart.”

“I'll work on that.” (Y/N) mumbled.

Victoria quietly ran back to Theseus’ office to give him the news.

“I'm sorry... You hear that sound? That's the sound of your freedom fluttering out the window forever.” Grindelwald continued, his hand moving in a shoo-ing motion.

“I don't care. I'm not gonna help you hurt him.” (Y/N) said, her voice cracking.

“I can't believe you're getting so worked up about some guy.” He said nonchalantly.

“This one is different. He's honest, and-and he's sweet. He would never do anything to hurt me.”

“He's a guy!” Grindelwald said, making a last attempt to get it through her head.

“Besides, you can't beat him. He has no weaknesses-”

Grindelwald walked into her line of view and smirked. “I think... he does, (Y/N). I truly think... he does.”

~*~*~

Theseus sat in his chair, spinning around. “After Victoria and (Y/N) make up, we can put this all behind us.”

Victoria walked sad, slowly closing the door behind her. She whispered a silencing charm on the room before trying to figure out what to say.

“Hey, Victoria! What happened? Did you do it?”

Victoria cleared her throat. “Thes, we gotta talk.”

“Oh, Victoria, I just had the greatest day of my life! I can't stop thinking about (Y/N). She's something else.”

“Theseus! I'm trying to talk to you! Will you stop spinning in that stupid chair, calm down, and listen?”

He stopped spinning in his chair before trying to look at her- his head adjusting to the sudden stop in motion. “Aw, how can I calm down when I'm feeling so up?”

“What I'm trying to say is-”

Theseus grinned. “If it wasn't for you, I never would have met her. Oh, I owe you big time.”

“Will you just knock it off for a couple of seconds?” Victoria said, a bit agitated.

“Come on, Victoria, live a little! I’ve finally found happiness during this stupid war.”

“Listen to me! (Y/N)'s-” She started, moving closer to his desk.

“A dream come true?” Theseus quipped.

Victoria rolled her eyes. “Not exactly.”

“Absolutely beautiful?” He said, dreamily.

“Aside from that!” Victoria sighed, rubbing her temples.

“The most wonderful-” Theseus began.

“She's a fraud! She’s been playing with your feelings!”

“I know you're upset about today, but that's no reason to-”

She ran her fingers through her hair. “You're missing the point.”

“The point is - I love her.” He said, standing up from his chair.

Victoria crossed her arms over her chest. “She doesn't love you, Thes. She's nothing but a two-timing,”

“Stop it!” He moved around his desk.

“No-good, lying, scheming-”

“Shut up!” He yelled, shoving Victoria towards the bookshelf.

She lost her footing and her back slammed against the bookshelf, causing some of the books to fall. She yelped as her back made contact.

Theseus’ eyes widened at his actions. He looked down at his hands, which were twitching, before looking back at her. “Victoria, I- Oh, I'm, I'm sorry.”

Victoria hissed in pain as one of her arms reached over to rub the spot of impact. “You need to control your temper, Theseus, but besides the point. You don’t want to face the truth? Fine.” She winced as she slowly shoved herself off the bookcase and walked towards the door, not caring about the books on the floor.

“Victoria, wait. W-Where are you going?” He stammered.

“I'm going home.” She replied, wincing once again.

“What? Why? You can’t go home until you’ve been checked. I can take you to the Healer-”

“You know… You came home a War Hero and became the highly respected Auror that you are…” Victoria trailed off, stopping in her tracks. He took a step towards her. She turned her head slightly, Theseus now able to see the small, sad smile on her face. “But you’re not the Theseus that left me all those years ago.”

Theseus sighed. “Victoria, you can’t keep living in the past!”

Victoria turned around- quickly regretting her actions as her muscles ached. “So was our friendship nothing? All these years, since we were eleven- nothing?!”

“You’re making a big deal out of nothing! I thought you were my friend!”

“Of course I’m your friend! You’re just not seeing that… that (Y/N) is working for the other side!” She said, flailing her arms around to make her point, no longer caring about the pain it caused.

“She wouldn’t-”

Victoria grumbled. “Here we are again. Don’t believe me? So be it… But remember this: when the truth reveals itself? Don’t come crying to me.”

“Fine! It’s not like I needed you anyway!” He said angrily, but instantly regretted his choice of words.

Victoria gasped, her hands covering her mouth.

Now he’d done it. Theseus made his way to her. “V-Victoria, I didn’t mean that- I was just-”

Victoria put up her hand to stop him mid-sentence and mid-walk. “It’s okay. Just finish signing the paperwork and you can leave.”

“Victoria-” He called out, a pathetic attempt to keep her there.

“I’ve saved your arse time and time again- since the beginning. Years ago, that was schoolboy stupidity. Now? Hell, I don’t know what this is. I don’t even know who you are anymore. I’ll see you tomorrow, Mister Scamander.” She said before leaving his office.

•✦.✧.☾.✧.✦•

Months after their argument, things were back to normal- sort of. Auror duo, Howard-Scamander, had split apart. Even though it was odd not to see them on missions together, no one dared to question it or ask either person about it.

Then Victoria’s claim about (Y/N) working with Grindelwald had been proven. Theseus, Victoria, and (Y/N) gathered in Travers’ office. After a long interrogation, Travers had decided (Y/N)’s fate.

“Due to your affiliation with Gellert Grindelwald, you are therefore guilty of a treasonous-”

“You know I didn’t hurt anyone, you know that! You’ve seen me in the field! Or are you in such a high position where being deployed on missions is not in your job description?��

“You are therefore guilty of a treasonous betrayal of your fellow wizards and are sentenced to death.” Travers finished.

Two executioners step forward. They calmly, intrusively, press the tips of their wands into (Y/N)’s neck. (Y/N) was so overcome with shock and fear that she could barely speak.

“Just do it immediately. I will inform Minister Fawley myself.” Travers said to the executioners.

Victoria opened her mouth to speak, but no words could come out.

“Travers, she doesn’t deserve this!” Theseus yelled.

Travers placed a finger to his lips. “That’s enough. Miss Howard, please escort Mister Scamander out of here.”

~*~*~

A long, black, metallic corridor led into a pure white cell, which consisted of a chair suspended magically over a square pool of rippling potion. (Y/N) was forced into this room by the executioners. A guard stood at the door.

“Don’t do this. Nicole, please-” (Y/N) pleaded.

“It won’t hurt.” Nicole cooed softly.

(Y/N) was led to the edge of the pool. She began panicking, her breathing heavy and erratic.

The other executioner raised their wand and carefully extracted (Y/N)’s happy memories from her head. (Y/N) instantly calmed down, her expression now vacant. The executioner cast the memories into the potion, which rippled, coming alive with scenes from (Y/N)’s life.

A young (Y/N) smiled up as her mother called, “(Y/N)... (Y/N)... Come on, dearie, time for bed. Are you ready? You’re headed off to Hogwarts tomorrow.”

“I’m ready, mum…”

(Y/N) watched, smiling down at the scene.

“Doesn’t that look good? You wanna go to the chair?” Nicole asked calmly. (Y/N) nodded vacantly as she was guided onto the chair.

She now sat in the execution chair. She gazed down and beneath her swirled happy images of her at Hogwarts.

“(Y/N) (L/N)!”

(Y/N) hesitantly walked to the stool and sat down. She felt the hat being placed on top of her head.

“Difficult! Very difficult… Decisions, decisions…"

A small moment passed before the hat roared, “RAVENCLAW!”

(Y/N), still gazing into the pool, smiled wistfully. A small bubble started to form around the chair,

“(Y/N)!” Theseus’ voice echoed throughout the room.

A spell fired, hitting Nicole, who dropped to the floor, her wand falling into the pool. As it fell, the liquid rose up in viscous black bubbles, instantly engulfing the wand. In reaction, (Y/N)’s memories turned from good to bad: The memory of Grindelwald’s plan to use (Y/N) was displayed.

“See, he's gotta have a weakness, because everybody's got a weakness I mean for what? Pandora, it was the box thing, for the Trojans, hey, they bet on the wrong horse, okay? We simply need to find out Pretty Boy's.” Grindelwald said, walking around the room.

(Y/N) sat on the cushion of the bay view window. “I've done my part. Get your other imps-”

“They couldn't handle him as a soldier. I need someone who can... handle him as a man.”

“Hey, I've sworn off manhandling.” She replied.

“Well, you know, that's good because that's what got you into the jam in the first place, isn't it? You swore your allegiance to me to save your boyfriend's life. And how does that jerk thank you? By running off with some babe. He hurt you real bad, didn't he, (Y/N)? Huh?” He taunted.

(Y/N) rolled her eyes. “Look, I learned my lesson, okay?”

Grindelwald circled around the room before stopping at her side. “Which is exactly why I got a feeling you're gonna leap at my new offer. You give me the key to bringing down that War Hero and I give you the thing that you crave most in the entire Wizarding World,” He stopped next to her and bent down. “Your freedom.” He whispered in her ear.

(Y/N), still enraptured by the pool, looked increasingly terrified. Her stool lowered closer and closer to the liquid.

Theseus managed to disarm and bind up Nicole, the other executioner, and the guard. He was about to save (Y/N) until

“Expelliarmus!” A voice shouted from the door.

Theseus’ wand was knocked from his hand. He turned around to Victoria standing at the door, catching her breath. She muttered the summoning charm before his wand was summoned to her hand.

Victoria quickly got hold of his wand before Theseus could reach it.

Theseus looked at her. “Victoria, I know we’re not on speaking terms, but please… My wand…”

She stared at him. A year ago, she’d give in, but not now. “No, I can’t let you save her Mister Scamander.”

“If you can’t beat them… then join them, right?” He let out a sad laugh. “If this is the last thing I tell you, I want you to know that even after this, you’re still my best friend. And you’re one hell of an Auror.” He said before making his way toward the edge of the pool.

Victoria gasped. “Damn it, Theseus!” She walked into the room and pointed her wand at him, “Incarcerous!”

Theseus was then bound by thick cords that came out of thin air, causing him to fall on his side. He hissed at the pain, but Victoria paid no mind. At least her friend was safe.

Victoria pointed her wand at the executioners and guard, unbinding them from their restraints. “Now get out of here.” The three of them nodded before shuffling out of the room.

Theseus looked at the memory pool, watching the last of (Y/N) memories. Victoria looked up at (Y/N), seeing the tears running down her cheeks. She almost felt pity for her- almost.

“Victoria, please…” Theseus pleaded for probably the last time.

Victoria then looked at the memory pool. It changed to the day where she and Theseus played hooky. She could see how happy they were together.

(Y/N) let out a sad laugh, causing Victoria and Theseus to look up at her. “I love you, Theseus… Sorry I didn’t tell you that day…” (Y/N) cried before the potion fully consumed her.

Theseus choked a sob as he held onto Victoria, hugging her torso, hiding his face in her shoulder. Victoria felt the tears building up before reality caught up to her. She gasped softly, tears running down her face.

Victoria was responsible for the execution of a fellow Auror. She was worried about her standings with Theseus, but that didn’t matter at the moment.

At that moment, she needed to comfort and be there for her friend. For her friend was mourning the loss of the one he loved the most.

#wand3ring1.9kchallenge #fbawtft #fbtcog #theseus scamander x reader #theseus scamander #writing challenge

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comphersjost · 4 years

Text

Into the Storm ➸ Rafe Cameron

idk, i kept trying to post this, kept getting deleted, im high, idk if this is good, sorry for mistakes and stuff lmao also i promised scout i would post something tonight so this is for u bb @ptersparkers

Rafe’s been helping you get over John B, and when you're worried it’s going too far, you try to disappear into a storm, not knowing that Rafe would follow you anywhere.

words: 1.7k

warnings: smut, angst, storms, leetle beet john b x reader, rafe saying the L word

as usual: masterlist

[oh and this is a song fic so go ahead and listen to into the storm by banners while you read!]

If you're far from home Broken on a lonely road Helpless when the sky explodes Then I need you to know When you're 'round the bend Close your eyes and count to ten I'll walk through hell and back again

Anywhere you go If your strength is falling down I'll be right beside you now And I'll keep you warm Yeah, I'll keep you warm

You felt like you were melting under the heat of Rafe’s gaze. You avoided looking at him at all costs, trying to stall the inevitable while looking for an escape plan. Rain poured down outside, the storm slowly getting worse. You and John B had surfed the surge just that morning.

John B.

You didn't even want to think about him right now, with the way Rafe was eyeing you like a predator. You needed to get out of here. You had to make it home before Rafe got to you because you both knew you couldn't resist him. He was addicting.

You see your opening, weaving through the crow of people to slip out of the back door, heading for the guest house. You figured if you could hide in there long enough for the storm to pass and Rafe to stop looking for you, then you were good to go.

“Come on, princess,” Rafe groans, annoyed as the door opens. “The guest house? It's like you're begging me to come find you, but felt like torturing me on the way.” You roll your eyes and wordlessly open one of the cabinets by the oven.

“Here,” you say softly, tossing Rafe a towel. “Was just about to watch a movie, you can join me if you want. I'm gonna change.”

You don't give Rafe a chance to speak before you've disappeared into the guest bedroom. When you come out, wearing a hoodie of Rafe’s and a pair of his boxers, he stares for longer than he means to, mouth open.

“You're drooling,” you tease. Rafe brings his hand to his face, eyes narrowing and you when he realizes he wasn't actually drooling. Your voice drops to a murmur. “Stop staring.”

You grab a soft fluffy blanket from the closet, avoiding Rafe’s eyes.

“Baby, I could look at you forever,” he finally states, his tone serious.

“Stop staring, Rafe,” you repeat again, softer this time. Weaker, giving in, tired of fighting.

“I can't,” he whispers. “I'd follow you anywhere, like I followed you into the storm.”

I'll follow you into the storm Follow you into the storm I will, I will Be with you when you call Carry you to the dawn I will, I will Follow you into the storm

“Rafe…”

“Tell me you don't feel the same!” he shouts, his breathing uneven, voice quieting once more. “Tell me, that you don't miss me the second we’re apart, tell me that you can think clearly when I’m around because shit, Y/N, when you're around I can't remember my own name. Fuck, Y/N, tell me you don't love me, and I'll turn around right now and leave you alone.”

“I - I can't,” you whisper.

“Can't what?”

“I can't tell you that I don't love you,” you confessed, letting him step closer to you, his nose brushing yours. “It’s just not true, Rafe.”

“Say it then,” he challenges you.

“I can't say it either.”

“Say it.”

“I can't.”

“Say it.”

“I CAN’T!”

You feel like you want to cry when Rafe makes you look at him. “I love you,” he mumbles softly against your lips, giving you a feather light peck along with it. He can see it in your eyes that you want to say it back, but you just can't. So he scans your body, he hasn't seen you since the weekend before. He spots a set of three jagged parallel lines on your neck.

“Woah, hey, what happened?” he coos, stroking the angry red lines softly, kissing your temple.

“This rock came out of nowhere this morning when I surfed the surge,” you explained, Rafe’s concerned eyes trained on you. “I don't even know where it came from, but it knocked me off my board, John B had to help me get back to shore before I bled too much.”

You feel Rafe tense against you, and you wonder what it is that you could've said wrong until-

“John B,” Rafe says slowly, as if having been reminded of your friendship with him, and up until you met Rafe 6 months ago, the massive crush you had on him. “Right.”

No pogue-on-pogue macking was the rule, so when Rafe caught you making heart eyes at John B across the Boneyard one day, he offered to help you out. He'd help you forget your feelings for your best friend and he “well, I get to bang one of, if not, the most eligible bachelorette on this island” Rafe had said. You'd laughed at him then, throwing a shell you'd found in the sand at him.

“Okay, Mr. Kook Prince.”

“That's Mr. Kook King to you.”

But that wasn't all, when you were with them, Rafe most left you and the Pogues alone, shooting you longing looks when no one was looking. And now you were here, with him in front of you, having just confessed his love.

“You don't have anything to worry about Rafe,” you say to him, looking up into his eyes and placing your hands on his chest. “You know how I feel about you, even if-” you falter. But you know Rafe knows “-even if things aren't...totally, gone yet, with John B. You know me, Rafe and I-” Your eyes squeeze shut. You can't.

“I know.” Rafe kisses your nose, then your lips. Pulling back too looks at you as you open your eyes. “I love you too.”

“I'm sorry,” you whisper.

“Baby,” Rafe’s hand tangles in your hair, bringing you in for a kiss. “You-”

BANG!

You flinch at the noise, instinctively retreating into Rafe’s arms while you scan your surroundings for the origin of the noise. When you come up empty, you look up at Rafe’s face and watch as it's plunged into darkness.

“Fuck,” you say quietly, still shaking in Rafe’s arms, “Looks like the party’s over. What happens now? Don't you guys have generators? Who's gonna take care of it?”

Rafe laughs. “Well normally, I would take care of it, but I’d rather stay here with you.” His lips are on yours before you can object, distracting you so deliciously that you could wait til morning for the generators.

So violently Held captive by your gravity Hold your breath and wait for me Where the wind may blow Through night and dark Through fantasies that fall apart Know you're always in my heart Anywhere you go

You're like a drug Rafe can't quit. You're worse than the cocaine. At least coke is predictable.

But you, he keeps coming back to you like you're the center of gravity and he can't stray too far away from you. You love John B. You’ve loved John B, for so long. And Rafe knows it.

But when he's kissing you, when he's fucking you, when his hands are wrapped around your throat, Rafe got to pretend you loved him. And now, when he pulls you into his lap on the couch, he can't help but feel the hope bubble to the surface.

The way you looked at him had only happened in fantasies, late at night, or when he was daydreaming about you.

If your strength is falling down I'll be right beside you now And I'll keep you warm Yeah, I'll keep you warm Oh, be with you when you call Carry you till the dawn Follow you into the storm Anywhere that you go Anywhere that you go I'll follow you into the storm Follow you into the storm Oh, be with you when you call Carry you to the dawn Follow you into the storm

It's when Rafe is fucking you up against the wall that you say it. It’s then you know that you would go to any length for him. He was it for you.

“I love you, Rafe!”

The words are enough to make him gasp, fucking into you impossibly harder and deeper until you cum helplessly. Rafe groans as he fuck you into the wall, surely leaving bruises on your back and your hips.

“Say it again,” he growls.

“I love you,” you whimper softly, grasping onto his shoulders as the tip of his cock nudges your g-spot.

“Again.”

“I love you!” this time you cry out as Rafe adds a sharp thrust to his word.

“Say it again, Y/N, please, say it like you mean it.” Rafe is begging now, hand falling to your clit to make you cum on his cock again.

“I do mean it, Rafe,” you plead, turning Rafe’s jaw so he was looking you in the eye. “I mean it. I love you, Rafe Cameron.”

Rafe stares at you for a few moments, mouth open dumbly, before his face contorts as he groans and hunches over you. You whimper and writhe against the wall and the feeling of Rafe fucking his cum into you, arching your back when he throws you into orgasm as well. His lips close around your nipple as both of you start to come down.

Later, when your breathing and heartbeat had slowed to a normal pace, on the soft mattress of the guest house bed, Rafe speaks again.

“I would follow you into any storm,” he whispers into the dark room, eyes trained on the ceiling as his arms tighten around you and bring you closer to his chest. “I would follow you out to sea in the middle of a god damn hurricane, Y/N.”

You're silent for a few minutes, Rafe almost thinks you've fallen asleep.

“I would follow you into any storm too, Rafe,” you murmur in his ear, kissing his cheek softly. “I just didn't know it until today. Thank you for following me today Rafe.”

Rafe turns his head to look at you.

“Now that it’s all out in the open and stuff does this mean you're my Kook Queen?”

#i hope this isnt awful when i read it in the morning #love u guys lmk if this is good or not im not exactly at my best #rafe cameron #smut #imagine #angst #obx #outer banks #one shot #fic #my writings #john b #john booker routledge #scout <3

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snarkwriteswrasslin · 4 years

Text

16.21, melt, chad gable

Title: melt

Theme: snow

Fandom / Character(s): Chad Gable & a random oc, Sophie.

Warnings: a very handsy makeout and cute awkward flirting, idk.

Word Count: my guesstimate is roughly around 1k. Maybe sliiightly over.

So... I wrote this on a whim. I literally just got the idea to write something cute and fluffy for a wrestler who doesn’t have many fics out there for him, (which to me, is a bit of a damn shame) and I wanted to write a snowball fight, so.. Here we fucking go, lol. Sophie is a character I made up,btw...This is my entry for the day for @champbucks 12 Days of Christmas challenge.

Again.. I made the banner for this. Don’t steal/repost.

Tagging:

@kyleoreillysknee

@rampagewriting

@writertoo18

@thatnerdwriter

@wrestlingismyguiltypleasure

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@waywardwrestlewritingwaif

@sassymox

@champbucks

@hungmanhorsecarriage

@wardl0w

@ryantaylorgirl

@dilfmoxley

@hotyeehawman

@gabbynorth98

@bec0m

@irish-newzealand-idian-dutch

@daddyslittlevillain

[ about page | masterlist | tag list ]

I hadn’t been able to get out of the building fast enough. The second I finished my last patch up job for the night, I was shoving through the crowd and making a beeline for the door that led out of the arena, one goal in mind… To at least enjoy a little of the first snowfall of winter.

I stepped out the door and into the parking lot, stretching out my arms and throwing my head back. I didn’t care that the snow was falling heavier now and that it was cold, wet against my warm skin as it melted.

It felt so good. The world was coated in a powdery and shimmering coat of white and everything looked so damn pure. And at the moment, my tracks from the door to where I stood were the only tracks to disturb the good half inch of snow already gathered on the ground. I spun in a half circle, arms still stretched wide just taking it all in.

The snow, the chill in the air. The twinkling lights that circled a shrub nearby.

I laughed out loud at myself and took a deep breath, as if I could breathe in the scent of winter’s magic. As far as I knew, I had the lot to myself for the time being because everyone else was still inside, still filming the last hour of the show. I flopped down onto the sidewalk and leaned back against a brick half wall, staring up at the night sky.

The sound of the door being thrown open and then slammed shut, followed by nearly growled swears had me peeping around the corner of the little brick half wall I was mostly hidden behind. Chad Gable was sitting on the concrete walkway, right outside of the door, his head in his hands. I sighed to myself and shook my head because I knew things were rough for him.

It bothered me. A lot more than it should.

,, because you’ve got a monster crush on the guy, Sophie.” my brain taunted. And with that thought and my earlier conversation with Nikki and Alexa about finally acting on said crush, I stood and took a deep breath, gathering some snow in my hands, packing it lightly as a teasing and playful grin filled my face.

I crept up on him carefully, clearing my throat when I stood in front of him. Tapping my foot slightly. Chad looked up, giving me his best “i’m fine, this is fine” grin and I bit my lip, not bothering to hide the fact that I was staring at his mouth. Hard.

Shaking my head about it, I spoke up. “You gonna sit here and fume all night or..?”

“Or what, exactly?” Chad asked in a quiet tone. I sighed and took a deep breath. “I’m about to do this for yer own good, Gable. Somebody needs t’ cool y’ down.”

I raised the hand I held my haphazardly rolled snowball in and I pitched it lazily, right at him. He wiped his face and I took off at a run, giggling, stopping about halfway across the lot to call out to him, “Well? You gonna sit there all night, Gable, or are you gonna do somethin about it?”

Chad eyed me a second or two, a brow raised. I tapped my foot impatiently against crunchy snow and called out to him again, “C’mon, Gable.. Afraid you’re goin t’ melt?”

He stood, chuckling quietly as he gathered some snow in his hands and I smiled to myself, darting away at a run. Attempting to get back behind my half wall cover. Instead, I tripped and slid, settling behind it. Chad was hot on my heels, so when I landed, he tripped over my foot and landed… Right on top of me.

I giggled out in a rush, “Ya know.. Normally, I require that the guy buy me drinks first.” as I moved my hand around a little, grabbing hold of some more snow. Chad seemed to have the same idea, feeling around beside him without breaking my gaze, smirking just a little. He grabbed a handful of snow and before I could try to curl into myself to protect myself from what was about to happen, his hand slipped just beneath the hem of my favorite long sleeve shirt and my breath caught in my throat.

The icy cold snow melted against my warm skin, rolling down my abdomen, making me squirm against him a little as I raised my hand and managed to place the handful of snow I’d gathered while lying trapped beneath him right down the back of the neck of his bright blue tee shirt. The laughter died on our mouths as soon as we locked eyes again and I gulped when I realized that yes, we were still laying in the snow, Chad was still on top of me and neither one of us had bothered to actually move.

But I couldn’t stop staring, see.. It started with those damn blue eyes.. Then it wound up with me, staring intently at his lips and licking my own. He cleared his throat and went to sit up, but before I could stop myself, I was grabbing hold of the front of his shirt, pulling him back down. He chuckled quietly, a brow raised. A few seconds passed, hot and heavy and dominating the air between us to a point where I couldn’t breathe and he muttered, “Sophie?”

“Yeah?”

“If you want to do something, do it.” he mumbled, smirking when instead of just going for it, I froze for a second or two. “I thought so.” he mumbled a second or two later.

And something in me snapped.

“Do something, huh?” I mumbled as I raised my arms, wrapping them around his neck, my fingers toying with the hair at the nape of his neck as I pressed myself against him fully and slowly, inched my mouth against his, clumsily connecting with the corner. Chad groaned quietly and just as I went to pull my mouth away, his mouth connected with mine completely, his tongue dancing over the outline of my lips, parting them and tangling with my tongue as he deepened the kiss to a point where I almost couldn’t catch my breath and I wasn’t sure if we were breathing on our own or breathing for each other.

His lips strayed from mine when the kiss broke, dancing carefully down my throat and my fingers dug into his shoulder and scalp as I whimpered quietly and my breath caught in my throat all over again and when his eyes met mine, I bit my cheek and worked on trying to pull myself together. But it was too late, the fire was lit. I reached out and gripped his jaw, pulling his mouth back down and against mine all over again, a kiss so deep and needy that I could feel his lips starting to swell a little when it broke. He chuckled, a groan coming shortly after when I rubbed against him just a little.

And from above us, a throat cleared and Baron Corbin pretended to gag, right before dumping a bucket of snow down on both of us and smirking. “Thought you two could use the cool down.”

As Baron walked off, we sat up, Chad moving to sit behind me with his arms around me. I called out to Baron with a laugh, “Awww… Somebody mad because nobody wants to kiss his greasy ass?”

Baron flipped me off over his shoulder and I glared, rolling my eyes before turning my attention back to Chad. “So...you were saying? About me, doing what I want?”

“You wanted to kiss me…”

“I mean, that’s not even half of what I wanna do, but it’s a start. C’mon, Chad. My ass is frozen and I’m pretty sure I smelled cocoa down in the catering area.” I hopped up and held out my hand. Chad took hold of it, letting me think I’d pulled him up out of the snow and he chuckled quietly, staring at me and shaking his head, almost as if he were more than a little shocked.

He should honestly try being me right now, because never… Not in a million years.. Did I once think I’d actually go for it.

#12 days of christmas #chad gable fanfiction #chad gable fanfic #chad gable imagine #chad gable imagines #my writing; chad gable #my fics; chad gable #my oneshots; chad gable #teeth rotting fluff ahead #12daysofchristmas

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imagines-for-the-fangirls-soul · 5 years

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Mobile Masterlist A-L

Hi all, I finally finished my mobile masterlist! Because of how many fics I have, and tumblr’s funny rule about word count per post, I had to split it up into two parts. On this post, you will find all my fics and headcanons for characters whose first name starts with A-L. The second part of my masterlist can be found here and in my description.

If any of the links are broken or not working, please let me know!!

Last updated: 18 June 2021

Anakin Skywalker:

Challenge

Padawan

Someday

Andy Dwyer:

Competition

Nephew

Dear Allie

Aragorn:

Right Hand Man

Arthur Pendragon:

Headcanons

My Shot

Set Up

12 Days of Christmas

August Booth:

Presents

Babe Heffron:

Wait

Thankful

The Gate

A Goddamn Virgin

Fake Boyfriend

Barry Allen:

Wine Tasting

Snowball Fights

Christmas Proposal

☂ Ship

Blessing

Just Ask

Bellamy Blake:

For You

Dangerous Woman

Together

Ben Wyatt:

Comic Con

Comic Couple

Bill Denbrough:

Fumbling

Boromir:

Thief

Don’t Go Back

Headcanons

Brian Cassidy:

Strip Club

My Wife

Headcanons

Bruce Banner:

History Has Its Eyes on You

Bruce Wayne:

Secret

Saved, Part Three (Originally a Joker x Reder fic)

Saved, Part Four

Let Me Love You

Irresponsible

Christmas Present

OTP Parents Meme

Take a Break

Bucky Barnes:

Flannel Shirt

☂ Ship

Till the Day I Die

Trick

Playing in the Snow

Tree Decorating

Say It

Say It, Part Two

Say It, Part Three

Headcanons

Never Gonna Leave

Telling

10 Things I Hate About You

The Ravine

Bonfire

Thinking About You

Cozy Night In

Needed You

Braids and Tugs

Carl Grimes:

Smile

Best Friend

Carol Danvers:

Bumpy

Our Last Summer

Clint Barton:

Teasing

Daryl Dixon:

The Claimers

David Nolan:

Headcanons

I Put A Spell on You

Derek Hale:

Cold

Scary Movies

Fall Sports

Mistletoe

Sometimes

Diana Prince:

On Your Side

Dick Winters:

Faith

Dream

Digger Harkness:

Fellow Aussie

Donald Malarkey

Headcanons

Draco Malfoy:

Are You Okay?

Are You Okay?, Part Two

I Love Her

I Love Her, Part Two

Skipping Class

The Daily Prophet

Hurricane

Sew For It

Thank You for the Music

Emma Swan:

My Daughter

My Daughter, Part Two

Apologizing

OTP Parents Meme

Headcanons

Eomer:

Waiting

Headcanons

Snowflakes

New Year

Best of Wives and Best of Women

Mistletoe

Reindeer

Believe

Cries

Eugene Roe:

Headcanons

Faramir:

Bedtime Rituals

What’s Your Name

Fili:

The Night Before

Finn:

Proposal

Frank Castle:

A Wonderful Life

Headcanons

Fred Weasley:

Alphabet Soup

Seamus’s Sister Has Got It Going On

You’re Beautiful With Me

The Dursleys

The Dursleys, Part Two

Headcanons

The Burrow

Torture

Time

One Last Time

Homecoming

Scarf

Butterflies

Detention

Fire Whiskey

Magicless

Count to Ten

Christmas at the Burrow

Spells, Dishes, and Perfect(ly Time) Snogging

When the Money’s Gone

Lay All Your Love on Me

Gabe Holbrook:

Kissing Santa

Gendry:

Stuck With You

George Luz:

I Know Him

Headcanons

George Weasley:

First Kisses

Headcanons

A Muggle Christmas

Matching Halloween Costumes

Bonfire

OTP Parent Meme

It’s Quiet Uptown

Secret Santa

Slipping Through My Fingers

Glenn Rhee:

Corn Maze

Do You Trust Me?

Headcanons

Graham Humbert (The Huntsman):

Hearts

Gwaine:

The Window

Satisfied

Icicle Licking

Lost in the Woods

Han Solo:

Headcanons

Harley Quinn:

French Bulldogs and French Kissing

Harry Potter:

Caught

I Love Her

I Love Her, Part Two

Anger

Horcrux

Warm Sweaters

Snape’s Daughter

I Loved, and I Loved, and I Lost You

Illya Kuryakin:

409

Owning Up

Isaac Lahey:

Haunted House

Tree Lighting

Into You

Clowns and Coffee Pots

Jason DiLaurentis:

First Date

Telling Him

Fashion Show

Pictures

Biggest Mistake

Biggest Mistake, Part Two

The Elevator

She’s Mine

Are You Okay?

Closet

Accident

Secret

Best Friends

Leaving

Bad Day

I’ll Stay With You

It’s Fun

Tiger Lily

Toy Story

Fight

It Hurts Me to See You in Pain

Cozy Night In

Baking

Fall Festival

Return

First Kiss

You’re Back

3:00 a.m.

Cheating

Torture

Change

I’ll See You Around

Coping

Forever

Babysitting

Fearless

OTP Parent Meme

Merry Marry

Jefferson:

Hats, Portals, and Love

Thursdays

Fall Festival

Headcanons

Different

Our Story

First Day of School

Jim Kirk:

Headcanons

The Bridge

Halloween

Scary Movies

Drunk Carolling

Studying

Worry

OTP Parent Meme

Going Home

Does Your Mother Know

Jillian Holtzmann:

Headcanons

First Day

Surprise Party

Joe Liebgott:

Headcanons

Joe Toye:

Headcanons

Apple Cider

Pain in the Ass

John Murphy:

I Don’t Care

Joker:

I’m Not Gonna Hurt Ya

Saved

Saved, Part Two

Saved, Part Three

Saved, Part Four

What Do You Know

Connection

Hope

I’ll Always Save You

You Can Trust Me

Jon Snow:

Enough

Masquerade

Who You Are

Sparks Fly

Headcanons

Jonathan Crane:

Field Trip

Kili:

Teasing

Killian Jones:

Your Secret is Safe With Me

Your Secret is Safe With Me, Part Two

Don’t Go

Bonfire

Headcanons

Moonlight

Kylo Ren:

Headcanons

Disguises

Stay Alive

Lancelot:

Love Returned

Legolas:

Headcanons

Leon:

Helpless

Lady

Succeeding

Leonard McCoy:

Savior

Savior, Part Two

Dammit

Flannel Shirt

Don’t Go

Proposal

Our Choices

Headcanons

214

Family Vacation

Helping

Doctor, Doctor

Sick

Fairytale

Prank

Halloween Party

Haunted House

Joanna

Apple Bobbing

Baking

Cold

Honesty is the Best Policy

Favors

Christmas Wish

Jump

Surprise

Safe With Me

Five Years

Concentration

OTP Parents Meme

I Know

He Knows

Foliage Fiance

Worry

Christmas Mishaps

Letting You Go

Lewis Nixon:

Distractions

Loki:

Jealousy

Marriage of Equals

Nerves

OTP Parents Meme

Headcanons

Burn

Freyfest

The Losers Club:

Ice Skating

Luke Skywalker:

I Know You

I Know You, Part Two

Headcanons

597 notes · View notes

mrs-dragneel-stark-solo · 4 years

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Unforseen Chasm (Part 63)

Part 63 of Unforseen Chasm

Prompt: Two sisters fall for men that are absolute enemies. The love they have could tear all of them apart, or it could bring them together. Word Count: 4309 Warnings: Lift in spirits for reader, a year after the snap,feelings exposed again, arguing, angry Tony, Bruce vs. Tony, fighting, a change in life, surgery/transplant, happiness and fluff for the OFC. life goes by for reader,looming darkness, Song for this part:Is there somewhere - Halsey Note: This is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written (including my other fic series). first major Collab with my best friend @thorne93 what was first a simple “what if” moment turned into a two year writing session and I’ve never been more prouder of myself than when i started my first series. goes through most of the MCU plots there are some changes to accommodate for what we wanted and there is a bit of a crossover between the MCU and other characters. I hope you guys enjoy reading this just as much as I enjoyed writing it.

It was the following morning that you ran into Remy on the way out of the hotel, just outside the doors.

“Didn’t expect you to still be around, not after my killjoy session last night.”

“Oh, don’t take all the glory. You aren’t the soul reason for all the heartache going around,” he assured jovially.

You stopped and turned to face him. “Remy, I know what you’re trying to do, and I appreciate it, I do. You’re trying to act like everything is okay, or that everything is gonna be okay, and I know that’s just your nature. I know you don’t want to seem down, but you’re going to have to, for me. I left because of the optimism. I don’t have it in me, okay?” you begged softly, grabbing his arm and squeezing. “For me, just… dwell in the harsh reality. Think of me as misery and you’re my company, alright?”

He nodded, a sweet smile on his face. “Alright. I’ll stop with the cheerful talk.”

You thanked him and the two of you began walking to your first sight to visit today. “And besides… it is my fault. It’s all my fault.”

“Oh, come on now,” he started, scoffing and you threw a daring look his way.

“No, it really is. I was out on the battlefield. I should’ve been there to stop Thanos. Instead, I was too focused on everyone else. I wanted to make sure they were safe. By the time I realized Thanos was here, it was too late.”

“Cher, I don’t think you could’ve taken him alone,’ he offered gently. “You said he went up against Cap’n Rogers, Romanoff, Banner--”

“Right. All mortals. Wanda slowed him down, tremendously. Thor nearly killed him the first time. Can you imagine what I could do? I’m Thor and Wanda and you rolled into one. I could’ve killed him. It might not have been easy, but if someone had my back, made sure I didn’t get interrupted, I could’ve done it.”

“I think you’re bein’ a little hard on yourself.”

“I think you’re being ignorant to the facts,” you retorted.

He sighed. “Well that may be, but it doesn’t change the fact that when the snapped happened, you were the first person I thought of.”

“That so?” you challenged, keeping your eyes down to the ground. “Why didn’t I get a call then?”

“I figured you’d be busy. I wasn’t sure about you and Loki, or Shannon. I wanted to check on you, but if things were bad, I didn’t want to come barging in. Besides, we had the mess at the mansion to take care of. I couldn’t just drop all that. I wanted to but…”

“No, I’m glad you didn’t. I was busy. I was busy trying not to fall apart, trying to be there for Shannon, in the small capacity I could be anyway.”

“It seems we found each other at the right time, then.”

“Found each other? You tracked me across the globe. It’s not exactly a coincidence,” you reminded, a touch of humor in your voice.

The two of you set off then, quietly. You went all around the city. Remy took photos for you and of you, so that you could focus on the beauty here and now, be in the moment. When nightfall happened and you started walking back to your hotel, you began talking. It was nice to have someone to talk to.

“We had all these plans, you know?” you started suddenly. “I don’t know how to live without him. Here or back in New York. he’s been such a huge part of my life, my every day life for years…”

“I bet that’s hard.”

“It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to live through,” you admitted.

With that, he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you in close as you two walked.

-----------------------------------

Things had begun to die down for what had happened. You were still missing and that didn't stop Shannon from continuing her search. At some point she and Tony had left the compound and had gone to find a peaceful place to start a new chapter in their marriage. It was time to start a family. Everyone had gone their separate ways so it was only natural that they wanted to bring some happiness to this point in their lives.

Bruce had come to terms with the fact that Shannon wouldn’t be leaving Tony anytime soon but that didn't stop him from confessing his feelings. Things had gotten heated after that, seeing as when Bruce said those words Tony had just been walking in. This created a fight. They ended up going a few rounds and Shannon had ultimately had to use her powers to rip the men apart from each other.

“You two are acting like savages, this needs to stop!” she growled, holding them both back. “Now, Bruce, you know I’m married to Tony and I love him very much and yes I do love you too but, I’m not sure there’s something that can be done.” She turned over to the other man. “Tony, what in God’s name is wrong with you?! He’s your friend, not some stranger.” She lets them go and huffs. “You two need to figure this out, okay? And no more fighting.”

She walked away and both men walked off to the bar and had a long talk about what would happen.

“Listen, Tony I never wanted to get to this point but I love Shannon just as you do and I would never do anything to hurt her.” He holds his drink up to the cut on his eyebrow. “I know this isn’t conventional but would you be willing to have a polyamorous relationship so that I can be with her?” Bruce hoped that the other man would agree.

“I gotta say Bruce you have some courage to confess your feelings to a married woman, but my wife!” He shook his head. “I mean I kinda knew you had those feelings from when you had been helping her at the mansion, but I’m not sure if I can be okay with that type of situation and it’s not up to me. It’s up to Shannon on whether or not she wants that.” He refilled his glass. “I’ll have to talk with Shannon and then we can all sit down to figure this out.”

“See, I didn’t think I would get this far.” He sighed. “But you’re right, Shannon should be the one who decides.”

Upon returning to the compound, the three sat down and talked about what would happen next. She agreed to open up the relationship to have her husband and now, Bruce, her boyfriend. Once it was all decided, the next thing that happened was having the cabin built to accommodate the three of them and the potential future.

Life was as normal as it could get for Shannon, Bruce and Tony they’d all found a way to make their relationship work. Who would be with Shannon which nights and things like that. One thing that was a major change was that after searching she was finally able to get a uterus transplant. Which would come to bring a change in their life with the hopes of her having a child. There were dozens of attempts after her body had accepted the new organ, but to no avail was she able to get pregnant right away, needless to say they didn’t stop trying. There had been a point where Shannon believed that she would never be able to get pregnant but she was pleasantly surprised when she took a home test and it had come out positive. She had done her own at the tower’s lab to confirm what the test had said. Knowing that she was finally able to carry her own child was the best moment she could live through. It was nearing the end of October and she hadn’t figured out how to tell him yet but she knew she’d figure it out.

It’d been about a year since Y/N had left and the search for her still continued. She also began to see which X-men still remained. The one person that she hadn’t thought would survive would be Wade Wilson, formerly known as Deadpool.

Shannon figured he’d be a good bet if any in finding you.

“Come on, Wade, pick up the phone,” she mumbled, waiting for the phone to stop ringing.

A second later on the other line all she heard was, “Shut it, tin balls, I’m on the phone! Hello?”

“Hey, Wade, it’s Shannon,” she said. “Are you busy?”

“Well, hello there, Mrs. Stark. What a pleasure.” He mocked formality. “I’m pretty free, what’s up?”

“I was hoping we could meet,so we can talk about this in person.”

“Sure thing. Send me your coordinates and I’ll be there soon. Can’t wait to see what you’ve been up to!” And with that the call ended

About half an hour later there was a knock at the door. Bruce had gone out for a jog and Tony, like always, was hiding in the garage working on who knows what. Which gave Shannon the perfect timing to talk to Wade.

“Coming!” she yelled from the kitchen. She grabbed a hand towel and wiped the water off them and opened the door. “Hey, Wade, come on in.” She moved to let him in.

“Aww what no hug?” He stood there with his arms open. “Whoa wait! I see that glow Shan, are you pregnant?” he teased.

“Hush, Wade, I haven’t told Tony yet!” she pulled him further into the house and peers out to the garage making sure her husband hadn’t heard. “Now what’s with the suit what happened to you being comfortable around me?” she motions with her hand.

“Listen here, lady! No one tells me when I can and can’t wear my suit!” he exclaimed.

“You done with the tantrum?”

“Uh… no, but anyways how’s it been?” He leaned in closer. “Besides the bun in the oven?”

“Haha funny, it’s been going good with my life but that’s the reason I called you.” She headed towards the living room and he followed. “Everything is going good but one part. My best friend, well more like sister, has gone off the radar and I haven’t for the life of me been able to find her and at this point I need someone like to be able to go out and bring her back for me. Considering--” she points down at her belly. “--once I tell Tony he’ll definitely be against me going out to look for her.”

“And what would I get out of it?” He got serious when he heard the reason why. “Normally there’s a contract that gets written up and a price given but since it’s you, Shannon, I’m going to work something different out.”

He sat there for a moment just thinking of what he could potentially get from them. He didn’t really need much. Until a lightbulb lit up since becoming Deadpool he knew his chances of having children were down to zero and with his friend being pregnant he’d like to be in the kid’s life somehow.

“Alright so here’s how it’s going to go. I’ll do you this favor in exchange for two things.” He held up two fingers.

“Just two things?” she repeated. “And what exactly are those two things?”

“Great question!” He got giddy. “First, I’d like to be part of that kid’s life.” He pointed to her stomach. “And second, I’d like unlimited chimichangas and not the crappy kind, you guys got the money for the good stuff.”

“Okay first of all why the heck would you want to be part of MY child’s life? And second, okay we can do the chimichangas.” She shook her head.

“Well ever since I became DP I came to realize that I will never get the chance to have my own kids you know?” His voice lowered towards the end but it was enough for her to hear.

Knowing the reason behind asking such a thing pulled at her heartstrings because she knew what it’s like, knowing that there was a chance she could never be a mom. Granted, Peter Parker was hers biologically but was done through surrogacy.

“Okay, Wade, I know what it’s like to be in that position. You can be their god father, okay? And occasional babysitter, how’s that?” She hoped she could complete part of his life like this miracle baby had done for her. “So it’s a deal then, when can you start?”

“We can go over the specifics later, for now just enjoy this moment and let me know if you need help planning the reveal to the hubby.” He leaned closer to her.

“Of course, Wade, thank you.” she leaned her head on his. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

From then on it had been Wade being around constantly and getting on Tony’s nerves but he knew why and it broke his heart to see his wife like that. Between all of that they all got to see how the wonders of Shannon became a mother to their daughter Morgan. Then during their fifth year since the snap, she had gotten serious with Bruce as well and even though she couldn’t marry him through the church, she figured she could at some point later on. They did agree on having a child, so she gave it a shot with Bruce. They had gotten more than they could have asked for, not only was she pregnant again, but this time with twins. It equaled out to two children with Bruce and two with Tony.

-----------------------------------------

One Year Later…

After three months all over the world, you’d seen and done everything you could possibly think of, with Remy right by your side. Part of you felt guilty, having him there. The other part was so thankful that you weren’t going through this alone.

When you finished, you had no idea where to go, no direction. When the snap happened, a small part of you hoped there was a way to find Thanos and bring everyone back. When that hope died out with Thanos, you could go see the world in Loki’s honor. Then, when that finished, you had nothing left. You still couldn’t return to New York. You weren’t in any mindset to be around Shannon and everyone else.

“Well, that’s it,” you said with finality as you looked down at your phone, checking the list. “We’ve done everything.”

Remy smiled down at you. “Wow. Time flies, right? What next?”

“I have absolutely no idea,” you admitted as you stood, staring out over a river. “I’ve never felt this way before… Directionless. Even when I was in prison, there was a plan. Hopefully one day to get out, but even then I knew at least I’d be in prison the next day. But as of this moment, I don’t know what I’ll do in twenty seconds. It’s a bit unnerving for me.”

“What do you say we… well… settled down?” he asked carefully.

Your face whipped to him, surprised. “Settle down? What do you mean?”

“Well I don’t imagine you wanna keep jumping from country to country,” he surmised, putting his elbows on the railing.

“No, I don’t,” you agreed slowly.

“Then I suggest we take this somewhere permanently. Maybe… start to rebuild our lives. We’ve lived in the past, maybe it’s time we start looking at the future.”

“I don’t know…” you started, looking down and shaking your head.

“What’s got you hesitatin’, cheri?” he wondered, standing to put a finger under your chin to force you to look at him.

You sighed. “I’m not sure I know how to move on.”

“I’m not asking you to move forward, or to forget him, or forget anyone. All I’m saying is to make it easier on both of us. I know I’m a hell of a lot happier when I’m around you, and despite your initial complaints I think you like my company.”

You nodded.

“So maybe...we find us a place, and start to live again. It might be easier to focus on healing if we aren’t acting as if we’re on the run.”

You sighed in agreement. “You’re right… but where would we go? If we stay in one place too long, Shannon will find me.”

“Maybe,” he said with a shrug. “Maybe not. How about we go home? Maybe she’s already looked there.”

“Home? Like…” you asked, prompting him with a questioning look.

“Like New Orleans, darlin’.”

And that was how he easily convinced you to follow him. The two of you found a house slightly out of the way in New Orleans. It wasn’t in the country, but it was private enough that you weren’t in a neighborhood with prying neighbors.

Remy picked up a job as a bartender, and when he wasn’t tending to the drinks, he was playing cards for money. As for you, you found a job in healing. You worked with a mobile clinic that went to a rather large area due to the snap, the patients were widely spread out. It was nice, to give back, to help heal people, when you’d caused so much heartache. Your job was to use your electrical powers to keep equipment from failing. Sometimes you were at the hospital, other times you joined nurses on the road. It was an odd interview, but these were trying times and they didn’t turn their noses up at your request.

If you weren’t working, the two of you were building a home together. The two of you had found pieces of art you loved, began to buy dish sets, furniture. You didn’t have too many momentos, either one of you to go through, but it made it nice. None of it was anything you had to be reminded of, to try and hold back some form of grief. You two painted every room in the house you’d bought. You’d hand selected wallpaper, paint, decor, everything. You weren’t sure if you were doing it as a distraction or what -- but it felt like life was starting again. You two even cooked together most nights, trying out recipes on each other.

Now, it’d been a year since the snap. No word to or from Shannon, but you were sure she was doing fine. Remy had called Logan a couple of times to check on the mansion, but no new students had shown up. Despite missing the vanished and those you left behind in New York, this was as close to happy as you could get.

-----------------------------

One night, you stopped in at the bar Remy worked at, to help him close up.

“Hey, there,” he greeted with a wide grin. “What can I getcha?”

“Just a coke,” you answered. “How’s business been?”

He worked on getting you your drink as he answered, “Kinda slow. But that gave me a chance to do this new trick.”

“Oh? Can I see?” you asked somewhat excited. Remy’s tricks were always something you loved, even as kids. It was a way to be entertained, to make you forget about the other ugliness in the world, and you supposed he was doing that again this time around.

“Sure thing. Let me get it set up.” He reached under the bar for a second, making you curious. ”Alright, so I’ll draw ‘em in like this,” he explained as he leaned over, looking handsome.

You nodded. “Mhm.”

“Then, I’ll do a little ol’ razzle dazzle with the hands,” he continued slowly as he made meaningless motions in the air before making his fingers dance around a space on the bar. “And abracadabra, alakazam…”

Then as if it materialized in thin air, there was a red velvet box on the bar and your heart began pounding.

“Now you may be wonderin’ what’s inside that there box. I’ll show ya.” He opened the box before glancing up at you with a grin. Inside the box was a stunning, unique ring. ”Y/N, will you do me the great honor of--”

Thought escaped you though. The sight of that box. Remy’s words. They catapulted you to that day on the battlefield with Loki. Every emotion of grief and loss slammed into you, taking breath and thought with it. All you could do was grab Remy by the edges of his silk vest and kiss him to get him to stop talking.

You couldn’t hear another man say those words to you. It felt so wrong. So utterly wrong.

You hadn’t kissed Remy once or even done anything remotely romantic together. In all reality, you were just two roommates. You did everything together, you lived together, had outings together, but you never kissed, held hands, slept in the same bed… Nothing was romantic between you two.

Remy sank into the kiss easily before you let him go. You couldn’t hide the tears streaking down your face but you did your best to hide the thickness of your voice.

“I think maybe… maybe we should take things slow, at first, you know?” you offered easily. You didn’t want to lose Remy, he’s all you had. But you couldn’t give him what he wanted.

“You mean like, actually courtin’ each other?”

“Precisely,” you agreed with a nod and smile. “Then we can talk marriage. What do you say?”

“I say that sounds like a plan,” he responded before leaning over to kiss you again, slower and more tenderly.

---------------------------------

So life went on like normal, for another year, the only change was the romance. It seemed a small price to pay to not have to hear another marriage proposal or pledge your commitment to him. It wasn’t that there was anything wrong with Remy. It just felt like a betrayal of every level to promise yourself to Remy when Loki didn’t get that chance.

To an outsider, this was domestic bliss. You two looked, seemed, and acted happy. You tried to be anyway. But every day was a battle. Even after two years, he was the first thing you thought of when you woke up and the last thing you thought about before you drifted off.

Remy was patient and kind. He never tried to erase Loki’s memory. Never mentioned putting his pictures away, or tried to quiet you when you brought him up. He understood how much he meant to you and he didn’t want to ruin that.

But on the inside, you were hollow and empty. Remy and your life provided excellent distractions. You loved helping those in need, and you loved having your friend around. He kept the majority of the darkness at bay.

You couldn’t hide it anymore though. This cookie cutter life wasn’t cutting it. Not anymore. You had so much sorrow and anger pent up in you. No closure, no answers… you still blamed yourself for the snap, for not killing Thanos properly. You still wanted Loki back. You missed Shannon and the Avengers but you couldn’t be around them. Ultimately, you were living a lie with Remy. He thought you were moving on, falling in love with him, letting it all go, but you weren’t. You were just as broken as the day Loki vanished. No part of you had healed or moved on in any way.

He didn’t deserve this.

So you packed your things, not leaving a note, about to head out the door in the middle of the night before his voice stopped you

“Where ya goin’?” he asked.

Damn, you mentally hissed. You didn’t want him to see you leave.

Your hand was already on the door knob. “I’m leaving. I think it’s best...for both of us.”

“Well thank you for makin’ my decisions for me,” he sarcastically said as he sauntered up behind you.

“You know what I mean. You deserve someone who isn’t broken like I am. Someone who can give you their whole heart.”

He moved himself to be in front of you, cupping his hands on your face. “Chere, I never asked for your whole heart. I don’t expect it. I just wanna be here for you. I love you and I want to see you happy. I don’t wanna be with you so that you can love me back. Ideally, sure, but realistically…” He let the idea hang in the air. “I just wanna to be with you, is all. Now where were you plannin’ on goin?”

“I’ve got a talent for making others hurt, I was gonna put that talent to use. To be honest, I have a lot of pent up rage I’d like to get out of me.”

“I see,” he said with a bit of sorrow.

“I don’t want you to see me like that, either.”

“I told you years ago I found you to help protect you and keep you safe, now whether that’s from yourself or others you plan on going after, I still believe it,” he vowed. “I’m comin’ with you.”

“Why?” you breathed, confused.

“Because I love you, and I want to be with you, whether we’re baking cookies together for Christmas or off doing whatever it is you’re about to do. I’m with you -- always.”

You smiled at him, sadness filling the expression. “I can’t stop you. If you want to come… We'll go.”

‘Alright. Give me some time to pack, and we’ll go.”

Roughly an hour later, Remy was ready to leave with you. Something in you told you he shouldn’t come with you, whether it was for his safety or so he didn’t see what you were about to turn in to, you weren’t sure. But the bigger, more selfish part of you allowed him to come.

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