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romansstic · 2 years

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i’m having visions of you, hwang hyunjin.

hyunjin constantly has visions of his kindergarten princess. but, right when he’s at his lowest, what he believes as his guardian angel dressed in pink comes back to save him.

pairing: hyunjin x f!reader - reader is stated to be korean, sorry if this doesn’t fit you but it was the only way i thought would fit the story :(

genre: written fic, angst, fluff, idol life, hj hiatus era :(, childhood friends (?) to lovers, some graphic language (damn & fucking. let me know if i missed any!)

a/n: inspired by star lost from you @hyunjinspark ! all time fav author. pls don’t be afraid to point out mistakes! i made this at like... 1... 2 am...

might make a pt 2... idk lmao just maybe

2021, GANGDONG DISTRICT - ESCAPADE ARTS.

ding!

signaling an entrance, the girl in the front desk looked up. “hello, welcome to escapade arts! the perfect getaway place for artists like you!”

hyunjin nodded in acknowledgement.

the girl smiled at him, batting her eyes. god, just one day, please.

he sighed, crinkling his eyes to make it seem like he actually smiled under his mask. “hi, how do i sign up?”

“just fill the form and we’ll get you inside in no time!”

hyunjin grabbed the pen, he looked over the names in the sign up sheet. there were only a few, most of them already leaving right before his arrival.

hwang, h.

there seemed to be only one other person inside the work shop in this hour, so he decided why not? worst thing that will happen is that they’ll talk, go home, and just forget about each other.

no harm in having a little human interaction. lord knows he needs it.

ever since being sent to hiatus, hyunjin’s been self destructive - isolating himself from everyone. the members took it upon themselves to repeatedly bang and scream at his door just so he could get fed up and actually face them, even if it meant him getting mad.

chan gave him the idea to take a breather. go out in the real world. hyunjin needed to heal. he needed to take time to himself, in a healthy way.

and what better way than to indulge in something he’s passionate about that’s not dance. art.

hyunjin remembers how he got into art. he remembers it better than the back of his hand. it was the most crucial event that happened in his life. he could never forget.

how could he?

entering inside, hyunjin was greeted with a large assortment of canvases, tables, and various supplies. paint cans, paint brushes, and painted art works adorned the walls of the escapade arts walls.

it was a dream.

hyunjin was tranced. he had never seen something - some place - so simple yet so angelic at the same time. he could cry at how beautiful the scene was.

it reminded him of the girl of his dreams.

easels were sprawled all around. he almost didn’t notice the person painting on one of the canvases near the corner.

their area looked like a mess, for all one knows even more of a mess than he was. paint was all over their hands. but the person didn’t seem to care. they were too busy in their own to pay attention to anything else.

hyunjin wishes he could relate for it seems that a plethora of things surround his mind in any given moment. he could never focus on one thing and one thing only.

perhaps dance did. maybe performing did. but nevertheless, in those situations, he still feels the worry of how the bigger picture looked in the end.

they were immersed in art. they hadn’t a single care in the world; just them, paint, and a canvas. they looked angelic.

and hyunjin could recognize that angelic face anywhere.

hyunjin no longer felt like tearing up over the place, but the person.

after all this time?

after years of longing, yearning, reminiscing. the one person he’d always have visions of was finally here - right in front of his eyes.

is this real?

hyunjin rubbed his eyes with his sleeve, not believing the fact that this isn’t just a heavily descriptive, realistic, mind-boggling dream.

still, the angel sat there. his angel.

he stood there like an idiot. if anyone else saw the scene happening before him, they’d think he’s a creep.

he grimaced, closing his eyes. who just stares at a stranger?

no, not a stranger.

picking himself up, he walks - slowly, lightly, hushed steps.

the person he’d always dreamed of still hadn’t noticed him, and he didn’t know if he liked that or not.

hyunjin was perfectly fine with just staring at the girl. hell, just being in her presence was enough.

on the other hand, he wondered what her voice sounds like. is it the same dreamy voice always echoing in his mind? maybe it’s deeper - huskier. perhaps, it even became more enchanting? god, he would lose it.

maybe it is best she doesn’t notice him.

he chooses a spot as far as from her as possible, yet still having the room to look and admire her.

he beats himself up inside. can you be more of a creep, hyunjin? step out of it!

right as his body hits the stool-

creek!

the stool makes a noise.

of course it did. hyunjin curses.

y/n looks up, startled. you were so engrossed in your painting. you didn’t realize there was someone was in the same room as you.

get it together, y/n!

“sorry!” hyunjin calls out.

y/n finds his voice alluring.

“no problem!” she smiles that damn smile.

hyunjin thinks he cries. inside. hearing your voice melts him. hearing his angel’s voice melts him.

“oh, sorry wait i forgot to put my mask on. no one usually come during these ho-”

“keep it off.”

hyunjin startles himself. y/n raised a brow, confused as to way this man covered from head to toe - minus his eyes - was telling her to keep her mask off. “oh?”

“sorry, i mean!” hyunjin catches himself, “i mean, it’s okay. keep it off if you’re comfortable that way. we’re far apart anyways...”

he wishes you weren’t far apart. he wishes he could be beside you. he wishes he could wipe off the confused put off your face. he wishes he could envelope you in his arms and whisper you sweet nothings. he wishes he could finally tell you how much he missed you.

but he can’t.

“well, we don’t have to be.”

hyunjin swears his heart is about to jump out of his chest and start running around the room. he stutters.

“do you wanna sit beside me? you don’t have to be lonely all the way there.”

hyunjin is stunned.

what was all that about not being able to be near her?

he knows he should’ve refused. he should’ve said no and stayed at his spot, just silently adoring you.

but he didn’t. he jumped at the opportunity to finally be close to you after all this time. he wanted to breathe in your scent. he wanted to finally feel you beside him.

and now he could.

hyunjin quicky jumps up, causing y/n to leave a soft giggle. he quickly grabs his bag and rushes towards you, almost knocking a canvas down.

“woah, there! calm down, mister!” she chuckles.

he misses her laugh.

hyunjin laughs too, in what felt like ages. he doesn’t think he’s laughed, more so smiled, since he got sent to hiatus.

“sorry, just haven’t been outside in a while.”

“i can tell,” y/n gives him a soft smile. normally, if a stranger told him that, he would’ve scoffed and walked away. but this was you. he knows what your words mean through and through.

so he smiles back.

hyunjin removes his cap, running a hand through his hair. y/n stares at him.

“so,” she started, “what brings you here?”

“huh?” hyunjin looked at her, “me?”

there she goes again with her fucking adorable laugh, “well who else?”

“oh, right,” hyunjin evidently blushes.

“if you want, you can take your mask off too. um, unless you have covid or have been near someone from covid... oh, but you probably don’t you got past the registration requirements anyways,” y/n rambled, “anyways! you just... do you and do whatever you want to do,” she smiled.

her rambling makes hyunjin smile, again.

removing his mask, he looked at y/n for a reaction.

all he got was the same welcoming smile he’d always love.

yet, no sense of recognition.

not even a slight surprise she’s beside an idol. if she even knew that stuff.

hyunjin was obviously red. y/n could tell he was anxious with the way he kept licking and biting his lips, never seeming to keep steady.

“i come here to stress relieve.”

he looks at her. “well i’m here almost everyday. when i don’t have classes i stay here the whole day. my family pity me for it, but i’m happy here.”

y/n looks at hyunjin, meeting his eyes - which just bring hyunjin to turn redder. “not many people come here, or stay long. most think it’s boring,” she frowns. “but i think you’d like it here.”

“you think so?”

“you’re the type of person who likes to just... bask in silence. do what you love doing. express yourself, you know?”

hyunjin nods, thoughtful. “true. you seem very wise.”

y/n chuckles. “not wise, hyunjin. i just.. think a lot? i guess.”

hyunjin laughs along, not even realizing your slip up because of how much your presence alone consumed him.

after that, it’s silent.

peace.

just you painting strokes onto your canvas, and hyunjin starting on with his.

hyunjin paints with a smile. he silently thanks chan and the rest of the boys for encouraging him to get out.

and then it hit him. hyunjin.

you said his name.

did he tell you his name?

he couldn’t remember. maybe he did, and he just forgot.

y/n notices him sweating. “hey, you doing alright there?”

“hm?” only then hyunjin realizes his knee has been bouncing and his hands sweating. “oh, yeah. i’m okay.”

y/n eyes him, “no, you’re not.”

hyunjin is both amazed and pissed at how you can read straight through him, and have no filter with it.

“um, i was just wondering...” hyunjin shakes, “did i... tell you my name?”

y/n haulted from her actions, “um,” she paused, “yes. you did.”

“oh.”

“yeah.”

“sorry,” he apologizes. “i just forgot, i think.”

“yeah, it’s okay.”

hyunjin feels weary after that conversation.

2006, LAS VEGAS KINDERGARTEN.

“don’t leave me!”

a 6 year-old hwang hyunjin cried to his mother, “if you love me, you’d stay!”

his mother sighed, “jinnie, my baby,” she cupped his tear stained cheeks, a frown laced on his face - contrasting his pretty features. “it’s only for a little while, i promise. you can get through this, okay? stay strong, prince.”

“but!” hyunjin stuttered, “how will i talk to anyone? no one looks like they’d speak korean here.”

looking around, hyunjin’s mom spotted an asian girl - who she assumed to be korean - sitting on her desk. she had a pink tutu dress on while her hair adorned space buns, quietly drawing what seemed to be a tree house with a little girl and a dog playing on the grass. the mother quickly, yet lightly, tapped the girl’s shoulder.

“um, hello there, honey. sorry to bother you, but, is there any way you perhaps speak korean?”

the girl’s face brightens up. adorable - the woman thinks. “yes! hello, ma’am!”

the little girl spoke in korean. “nice to meet you! my name’s y/n,” you gave your hand, “and yours?”

the mother shook her hand, “nice to meet you too, y/n! i’m hwang euna. this,” she gestured to hyunjin - who just made a face at his mother, “is sam! but you can call him hyunjin. jinnie, say hi.”

“hi.”

“hello! i’m y/n!”

why is she so smiley? hyunjin thought. no one could be that happy to be in school.

“sorry, he’s usually not this grumpy,” she nudged her son. “hyunjin, here, is a little scared-”

“i’m not scared!”

“ehem,” she coughed. “anyways, he’s new here. never been to vegas. he’s not familiar with english, as well,” she frowned. “i was wondering, maybe if he had someone to lean on and translate for him - it would help. that is, if you’re... okay with it?”

looking at the hopeful look on the elder woman’s face, you grinned. “not a problem, mrs. hwang! at least i think you’re a mrs. hwang...?”

“ah yes, of course! just call me euna.”

“okay, mrs. euna!” y/n turned to hyunjin, “i’m your new friend now, hyunjinnie!”

hyunjin’s mom grinned widely, “oh, thank you, y/n! thank you so much! you’re an angel! i promise i’ll make it up to you.”

y/n giggled, shyly. “it’s really not a need, mrs. euna. i’m just glad i have a friend now!”

first day of kindergarten, art class.

“hey, hyunjinnie?” y/n tapped the boy’s shoulder.

hyunjin grumbled. “yes?”

“um, i just wanted to let you know you can share my paint,” y/n smiled, showing her teeth, “i noticed you don’t have coloring supplies with you, so...”

hyunjin wanted to hate you. in no particular reason ever. maybe it was the way you were so nice to him, it made him doubt it’s genuine.

but as time passed by, he grew to grow fond to you. attached to you.

one day, just a few weeks before hyunjin’s flight back home, y/n came face to face with a frowning, pouty, hwang hyunjin.

“hey, hyunnie. what’s up?”

hyunjin looked at y/n with sad eyes, not answering her.

y/n, sensing hyunjin wants non verbal comfort, sits beside him on the grass. you pull out your sketch book. “here.”

hyunjin looks at the blank piece of paper y/n ripped from her sketch book. “take it.”

“why? i have my own.”

you rolled your eyes, “just take it, dummy! i’m trying to be nice here,” you playfully frown - making hyunjin google. “okay.”

“so i do this thing,” you grabbed your colored pencils, “when i don’t know how to describe or say how i’m feeling, i draw it.”

hyunjin looks at her incredulously. “how do you draw feelings?”

“well, it’s more like, i just let my hand do it’s thing, ya know? i don’t think about it, i just do it.”

“how do you just... do it?”

“just,” y/n takes a breathe of air, “forget about life for a moment,” she closes her eyes and hyunjin looks at you. he never really realized how much you looked like an angel under the sunlight. well more like under any light.

“just scribble!” you exclaimed, causing hyunjin to snap away from his thoughts. “if you’re mad, just scratch and poke holes onto the paper! it really does help! my dad’s a therapist and he said it’s a way to calm you down,” you smile brightly.

hyunjin looked amazed. he really admired how wise you seem to be. you just get him.

and so, the two start drawing. it was peace. hyunjin greatly enjoyed the times where you two just sat down in silence, enjoying one another’s presence.

“woah, that’s beautiful, sammie!”

hyunjin looked up, seeing y/n’s wowed expression, “you’re a natural!”

he blushed, “you really think so?”

“yes, hyun! that’s the most beautiful art work i’ve ever seen in my entire 5 years of living!”

you’re the most beautiful art work i’ve ever seen, hyunjin thinks. “thanks. you’re amazing too.”

y/n lifted a brow, “really? all i drew was a sunrise but thanks! i appreciate you!” you grin at hyunjin.

“um, y/nnie,” hyunjin started, shaking.

“hey, hyun?” you grabbed ahold of his hands, ignoring the sweat laced on it. “you don’t have to tell me if it makes you sad,” you frown.

“no! i need you to know!” hyunjin exclaimed, tears forming in his eyes. you felt your heart break.

hyunjin gasped, “i’m going back to korea soon!”

he closed his eyes, afraid to see your reaction. when he didn’t hear a reply, he opened an eye.

all he was greeted with was a sad smile.

it comforted him.

“oh, sam,” y/n hugged the boy. “i’m gonna miss you so much.”

hyunjin cried. he cried so hard he knew there was a wet patch on y/n’s shirt. “i’m so sorry, y/n. i’m sorry...”

you pulled away, only to grab his cheeks in your hands. “what are you sorry for, hyunnie? you did nothing wrong.”

“but i’m leaving you...”

the sad smile that graced your face broke his heart even more. he never wanted to see the cause of your smile as pain. he never wanted the cause of your pain to be him.

hyunjin cries again.

“p-please don’t forget me, y/n.”

“never, hyunjin. never.”

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