#tell steve he’s a pretty good farmhand

[lesbiradshaw]

Accomplished farmer Bucky and his newly arrived city boy husband who tries his best to learn things and become a useful farmer's-husband and blushes furiously when praised on good work.

so pre infinity war stevebucky basically ... exactly.

[jellyfishloveletterghosts]

Camboy/Farmer Steve Some More Thots

The first thots on it

No one asked for this but I had some more Camboy/farmer Steve and farmer Billy thoughts, and could not help myself. Some of it is porny and some of it is about the parties' roles in the story. It starts with some through on Billy’s favorite shows from Steve so it’s all under the cut.

Warnings for: I mean It is Camboy/farmer Steve so if using fruits and vegetables  to get off offends this one is not for you, it has some real spicy points heavily involving their use. I just don’t know how to tag this one, so you’ve been warned as adequately as I can manage today.

Billy’s favorite shows are when Steve dresses up like a cow and milks himself, big dick in his hand, always making such a mess as he strokes it, always putting out so much pre. He cums in a little glass milk bottle, works himself over and over again, sometimes while fucking himself and once it is all filled he takes a sip, gets a little cum mustache before smiling at the camera and signing off. 

Steve does not just use vegetable, he has plenty of dildos he uses but he is known for fucking himself with vegetables and he does that pretty often. Usually with fruits he rubs his dick up against them, has definitely had a whole bushels worth of grapes up inside of his ass before, Billy had been so dehydrated after watching that video, watching fat green grapes push out of Steve’s rim one by one. Billy has had more than one wet dream about Steve sitting on his face while doing that.

Billy and Steve do not get to the peach eating right away, there is dinner and more farm puns/innuendos and the two of them walking around the farm. They end up tangled up in the soil, Steve on his knees, fingers digging in the dirt, overalls around his ankles, shirt rucked up toward his shoulders as Billy fucks him, his own shirt open and billowing in the breeze, jeans undone just enough to get his dick out.

Once they’ve cum they lay there panting under the moon Billy kissing his way up Steve’s back for a while, ties off the condom and shoves it in the front pocket of his flannel shirt, not wanting to leave it in the middle of Steve’s field. Dragging Steve up for a proper kiss all “I’ll have that peach for dessert if the offer still stands”

“If you eat as good as you plow, you can have it anytime you want.” Steve says with a wink only half joking as he drags Billy back up to the house so they can get cleaned up before round two.

Dustin and Lucas are Steve's farmhands and he thinks the two of them have no idea about his cam work but it is not like Billy is the first person to ever recognize him from it. They definitely know but they let him have his little fantasy that they are ignorant. 

Dustin is immediately anti Billy but he is always anti anyone daring to date Steve, sure none of them are good enough. He is still holding a grudge against Nancy and he did not even like Steve when the two of them were dating all those years ago. 

Lucas just shrugs it all off, he met Billy years ago when Max first came to town and they dated. Billy is kind of rough around the edges but he isn’t so bad, a little mean to anyone who is not Max and well Steve he guesses based on how soft Billy goes whenever Steve is within range. All gooey eyes and innuendos, has seen Billy kiss Steve with more than lust on more than one occasion and he is wondering when they are going to figure out that they are dating not just fucking.

El and the rest of the kids work on Max’s farm, her and Mike are constantly arguing over how to do things, she ultimately wins being the boss but Mike is never not trying to show her how things are done. She is constantly firing him and he is constantly quitting but when he shows up to work the next day they always just pretend it never happened. El has offered to throw him under the combine harvester more than once and Mike can never tell if she is kidding.

Will who mostly works with the animals on the Hargrove farm, always offering to show Dustin them when they run into each other at the farmers market. Will has more reasons than just their shared love of animals to keep offering, not that Dustin has picked up on this but his crush on Dustin is not as hopeless as his crush on Mike had been all those years ago. The only person Dustin talks about more than Steve is Will and Lucas is just waiting for him to figure out he is over Suzie and that he has a crush on Will. 

Lucas definitely still has a thing for Max but he mostly unsuccessfully keeps that to himself. Caught off guard when Billy comes over to the booth one day when Steve is not there, frowning, he cannot think of what he would be coming over for if not to make gooey eyes and trade innuendos with Steve. “You know if you’re ever going to make a move it should be soon before someone else tries and succeeds.” 

Lucas blinks , what? He is pretty sure Billy never liked the two of them dating, never likes anyone Max has dated as far as he knows. Billy levels him with a glare as he stares, eyes cutting to their booth where Max is dealing with the overly friendly mayor and he sneers. “Look we don’t exactly get along,” Lucas is pretty sure they have not spent enough time around one another to determine that but okay. “but out of all the guys Max has dated over the years you’re the only one who has been even close to deserving her. Don’t waste you fucking chance dumbass.” Billy leaves Lucas gaping as he marches away to get rid of the overly flirty mayor.

Max gives him shit for interfering all “I can handle myself Billy, you’re such a caveman.” But honestly she is pleased to be rid of the mayor and because she knows it is just Billy’s way of showing he cares. 

She is glaring at him a few minutes later, actually annoyed as he says “Fine guess you can run the stand on your one for the rest of the day shit bird I’m going to go see if Steve needs some seeding.”

Sometimes Billy gets a live show of Steve’s cam shows, has to be real quiet, has bitten into his own fist more than once to keep his own noises down as he watches Steve fuck himself with a cucumber or another vegetable that will later be eaten after Steve gives it a good wash, usually putting the vegetables in some sort of salad that Billy is more than ready to eat.

Steve is dressed up as sheep, little cotton white outfit bunched up, pushed out of the way as he bounces on a dildo. He keeps sliding his big dick through a big juicy peach with a whole through the center, pit removed, juice and pre leaking all over the place. Cums all over his hand, and his outfit, pearly white leaking over the soft skin of the fruit as he keeps stroking his dick as he signs off for the night. 

Billy dropping to his knees and shuffling over to kneel before him, mouthing at his dick, licking up his cum and nibbling gently at the fruit around his dick. Gets Steve all worked up again to the point he is bouncing up and down on the dildo again, hand in Billy’s hair as he eats the last of the peach flesh from Steve’s skin, before taking his cock into his mouth and sucking him off. 

Once Steve cums Billy is pushing him back to lay on his back, pulling the dildo free as he fists his own cock, stroking himself hard and fast. One hand pressing Steve’s legs open, pressing a hand under his thigh behind his knee, making him bend it to his chest while hooded brown eyes stare up at him. Steve’s hole shiny and wet gaping from the massive dildo and Billy presses close almost touching but not quite as he starts cumming, shooting inside of Steve, who arches and squirm at the sudden heat filling him. 

[iwillbeinmynest]

Redcove Harvest - Bucky x Reader(f)   Chapter 3

Authors Notes: Glad to know ya’ll are enjoying this! If you happen to really like it, please consider reblogging or commenting. It really helps me understand what parts you do or don’t like about my work. :)

AU: Farmhand AU and SingleMom!Reader

Word Count: 1.5k +

Notes/Warnings: (Notes are for the whole series) FLUFF, mentions of a past toxic relationship, a wild storm at the end, drama and a break-up, mentions of drinking, kids being adorable and ridiculous, kissing, romance and a tiny bit of angst if you look hard but nothing more than that of a Hallmark movie.

Masterlist     Series Masterlist 

 The next week went without a hitch. Bucky would show up at eight, and get right to work mowing the fields. After day four, he had both front fields mowed. He spent the next two days repairing all the holes and broken parts of the fence that lined the front of the property. After that, he cleaned up the fence line by cutting down saplings and removing weeds and vines. He even fixed the mailbox that sat out by the dusty road.

 This morning was supposed to be no different but as he pulled up to the house, thunder rumbled. He hopped out of his truck and grabbed his wide brimmed hat. He figured working in the rain might beat working in the early spring heat. He walked over to the tractor but before he could hop on, he heard her.

 “Bucky!” She shouted from the porch.

 He turned to see Y/N waving him over. He jogged her way and as he reached the steps, the rain started. 

 “What’s up?” He asked her.

 “Well, I figured with the rain I could steal you for some barn work.”

 “Oh,” He replied as he took his hat off. “Yeah, I mean I was still planning on mowing. I know you’ve got those three back fields that are still pretty high.”

 She waved the thought away. “It’s okay. I know it will get done. I need to get the goat barn fixed up and the horse stables need some minor repairs.”

 “Yeah, sure. Lead the way.”

 Y/N walked with Bucky in the light rain down to the yellow barn a couple dozen yards from the back of the house. 

 He’d been there a few times when he needed to talk to her or grab a tool. The goat barn was actually an old horse stable; the entire right side of stalls had been turned into one large stall that connected to one of the three back fields and the left side was a gardening workshop. One of the left side stalls had been turned into a small greenhouse. 

 Next to the workbench, in the garden shop, there was a large storage bin. It was lit up red with a heat lamp and he heard the faint sound of peeping.

 He walked over and, sure enough, there were at least a dozen little chicks running around or huddled under the lamp.

 “When did you get these?” He asked. He crossed his arms and smiled back at her.

 She stepped up beside him. “Yesterday. Steve had them ordered for me and they finally came in.”

 “Nice.”

 She shifted her weight and her arm brushed against his. She moved away and apologized.

 “Doesn’t bother me.” He reassured her. He really had no problem making contact with her.

 She cleared her throat and walked over to the large goat stall. “So,” she changed the subject. “There are several boards around this opening that leads to their pasture. I had a billy a year ago who was a menace and rammed into it all the time. I’m so glad I got rid of him.” She chuckled. “And, goodness, he stank!” She turned to Bucky, “Did you know Billy’s pee on their beards? Because I didn’t.” Her face twisted in disgust.

 A smile played at the corners of his mouth. “I did know that.”

 She huffed and grinned. “Yeah, well, I’m pretty new to this whole farm thing, so I’ve been learning as I go.” Y/N laughed at herself. 

 “New?” Bucky asked, surprised. “Looks like you’ve got a pretty good grip on it all.”

 She shrugged lightly, “I mean, I didn’t start from scratch. This was Gavin’s family’s farm.” She paused then clarified, “Gavin was my husband’s name. He grew up here and when his parents passed, he got the farm. He did a lot of the clean up when we moved in and he purchased the livestock and foul. He even cared for most of them - the chickens have always been my thing, though.”

 “What about the garden?” Bucky looked out the barn doors to the lush field full of greenery. The gentle rain was doing the day’s watering.

 “That’s all me, too, but I only started gardening a few years ago.”

 “Well, don’t sell yourself short. This is a lot of property, you’ve done a great job by yourself.” Bucky said as he opened the gate to the goat stall and stepped inside to examine the busted and rotting boards that needed replacing.

 “I actually had a good bit of help.” She said as she leaned over the chick bin and pulled out the water dish. She went to the large sink near the workbench and began rinsing it of poop before she filled it back up. “After Gavin died, Steve came over and showed me the ins and outs of cows and goats for a month or two.”

 That surprised him. Steve didn’t ever mention that.

 “Yeah, and his friend, Nat, showed me how to garden.” Y/N put the water dish back and picked up the feed dish.

 Bucky nodded to himself, “Nat has quite the green thumb for making gardeners.”

 “That she does.” Y/N smiled as she returned the now full seed dish.

 Bucky leaned over the gate and watched as Y/N tended to some seedlings that were on her work bench, spraying them with a squirt bottle. “So... can I ask what happened to Gavin?”

 Y/N nodded but didn’t say anything and didn’t turn to face him, she just kept watering the little cupped sprouts.

 “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-”

 “No, it’s fine.” She turned to him with a somber look on her face. She took a deep breath and looked at Bucky. She wasn’t sure if she should say what she was thinking but, Gavin was dead, what was he gonna do about it?

 “Gavin...was a jerk and a bully,” She started.

  Bucky’s brows shot up but he kept listening.

 “And what’s worse, he had no idea he was like that. He thought he was a great man- and sometimes, he was- but he had a habit of belittling people he didn’t agree with. It didn’t matter what, if he didn’t like it, you were stupid for thinkin’ it. He had his way of doing things and that was that, anything else wasn’t worth his time.” She crossed her arms and looked down at her boots. “I’m sure you’re wondering how I fell in love with a man like that but it was easy. I met him in high school. He wasn’t as bad then but I figure that’s because he was still growing and learning. It’s not an excuse, but he got it from his daddy. Compared to his dad, Gavin was a saint. Charles was as mean as he was stubborn and Gavin got the brunt of that growing up and he had no way of dealing with it other than doin’ the same stuff to other people. He didn’t do it to me until we were married and being that we were so young, I just thought it was a wife’s job to do what her husband said.”

 Bucky swallowed and shifted his weight when she did the same, almost like they both broke out of the trance of story telling and listening.

 “But there were good days. He wasn’t a monster. He could be really sweet, actually. He bought me the chickens after one of our fights, built me the fence around the garden after another. He never said sorry, he’d just build or buy me something. And I appreciated it. I really did love him.” Y/N suddenly realized that in her rant she’d never answered his question. She flushed, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to go on about it. I guess I should get to it,” she chuckled.

 Bucky smiled at her from his spot on the gate. “It’s fine.”

 She took a deep breath. “Um, Gavin fancied himself a great driver, no matter his state. So, he went out with his friends one night and got plastered. He got in the car to come home and drove it into a tree at one hundred and ten.”

 Bucky cursed.

 Y/N nodded. “He at least had the decency to put me in the will when we got the house, so.” She shrugged her shoulders.

 Bucky scratched the back of his neck. “Well, I’m sorry about all of that.”

 She smiled at him and Bucky got the sense she was only doing it for his sake.

 “I was too for a while. But I’m...happy, now.” Her smile seemed more genuine when she said that.

 “I’m glad to hear that.” He grinned at her. 

 Y/N looked at him for a moment before turning back to her plants. 

 Bucky also got back to work and they spent most of the morning like that, just working in silence. Bucky was even able to finish the woodwork in under two hours before he fixed a few breaks in the goat field fence.

 Around noon, Y/N invited him up to the house for lunch and after he declined twice, she finally insisted. 

 Bucky was happy to go.

*  *   *   *   *   *  *

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[shieldedbythunder]

Thundershield Concept

Thor’s a homestead farmer in the old west, tending to the farm that’s been in his family since his grandparents first emigrated from Norway. It’s a pretty satisfying life he leads, answering to nobody but himself and the changing seasons. He’s happy enough in his work and his life, but still quite lonely since his parents passed away some years ago, his brother Loki having moved back east not long after, to the point that he’s started thinking of finding someone to settle down with.

There aren’t many single women this far out west, but when a few of his friends in town suggest a mail order bride, Thor finds his curiosity piqued. It might not be the most romantic way of going about things, but he can accept companionship in the place of love, and if any interested parties aren’t suitable, then they needn’t go any further than letters. His mind made up, Thor writes up an advert, asking for a hardworking woman of good character to contact him about living arrangements, and sends it off to a few papers on the east coast. Unaware that, in his haste to get them all sent off, he’d blotted the first two letters of “woman” in the advert bound for Brooklyn.

Halfway back across the country, Steve’s looking for a way out of Brooklyn. Since his mother’s death, he’s been feeling increasingly restless and alone in his life behind a shop counter, wanting something more that he can’t quite put his finger on. So when an advert in the papers for a hardworking man of good character to contact a Mr Odinson about living arrangements on a farm out West catches his eye one day, it feels like a golden opportunity. Almost too good to be true.

Bucky tells him he’s crazy to even think of dropping his entire life to go be a farm hand out in the wilderness. Ma would have shaken her head with a fond look, saying he’s his father’s son through and through. But all Steve knows is that needs a place in this world where he won’t feel so alone in a crowd of thousands. And if the lack of single women out there makes his perpetual bachelorhood in favour of his own sex a little easier to explain, well. So much the better. 

Before he can lose his nerve, Steve sends off a reply with a quick description of his character and abilities, saying he’s willing to strike a deal and travel out west to get started as soon as possible. The response he gets seems a little surprised at his enthusiasm and desire to take things fast, but seems very pleased with him altogether as a candidate. Before he knows it, he’s hugging Bucky goodbye at the train station, settling into his compartment with nervous excitement as he speeds across the country to his new life.

A few days later, Thor stands on the train platform with his heart in his mouth as the train pulls in, eagerly watching for a first glimpse of his bride to be, one S. Rogers. But none of the ladies who disembark the train give him a second look, and as the platform empties, the only person left waiting is a tall, broad-shouldered man with a lost look to his blue eyes as he approaches Thor. A man who introduces himself as Steve Rogers, wondering if he’s the Mr Odinson who hired him as a farmhand.

Both men are aghast at the situation they’ve landed themselves in, once it becomes clear what’s happened. But Thor knows he can’t just send Steve packing when he’s given up everything to come out here. So, he ends up taking Steve in and letting him stay in his spare room while Steve helps him out and looks for something else.

But as days become weeks and months, the two men find themselves becoming fast friends, working together well in the fields and enjoying each other’s company in the evenings. Thor enjoys having another body around the house again, the workload halving itself with a second pair of hands to help out, and Steve comes to love his new life on the farm and among the people of their little town. It seems like a perfect arrangement.

The only problem Steve can find lies mostly with himself; a few stray thoughts about how handsome Thor looks, how kind his eyes are whenever he looks at Steve, that only seem to grow more frequent as time goes on and he grows closer to Thor. Little does he know that Thor’s undergoing an awakening of sorts, getting confused on why the blue of Steve’s eyes and the breadth of his shoulders occupies his thoughts so often. They start blushing when their hands brush together during work, holding each other’s gaze at odd, poignant moments for just a second longer than mere friends usually would. On and on, they circle around each other, a collision seeming more inevitable by the day...

[doctorhawke]

all six of my oc hawkes in one big thing, i have an au where they are all a big happy family and run amok in kirkwall

below the cut theres “brief” bios for them all (including their names because my renditions of their handwriting might not be very legible) and a little chart showing more insight into their personality makeup

all the ages are from act 1, after a year in kirkwall, relative to carver and bethany’s 20 (fyi they both survive in this au and both become grey wardens. cannot IMAGINE that any of these hawkes would let one of their littlest siblings fight an ogre 1v1 when theres literally eight of them lmfao they tag team it like they do everything)

steve hawke- he/him, age 27, adopted by the hawkes at 8. steve is a mage, a healer, and a pacifist. as such when there are fights he will focus on incapacitating enemies without harming them (force magic and mind blast comes in handy) and especially on supporting the team through healing. he’s gay and immediately takes to anders, mainly because he spends a lot of time helping in his clinic. 

he strongly believes in mage rights especially as malcolm imparted a lot of responsibility on him towards his younger mage siblings, nyx and bethany. he’s protective and a bit of a worrier, though as time goes on in kirkwall he becomes more and more exhausted, and starts to cope through making light of things. post-game, he and anders are on the run. 

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kit hawke- he/him, age 24, bio kid, and a dual-wielding rogue. he’s bold, charming, and a bit of a pessimist- all of which kirkwall amplifies by virtue of being a crazy fucking city. kit is also pretty business minded and usually spearheads bone pit related shenanigans. varric (who deeply cares for all the hawkes of course) immediately takes to him and the two are inseparable. 

kit is bi, and likes to have fun, though over time he falls for both isabela and fenris, and over time the three get together and become the most impressive trio you ever saw. all kit’s siblings are kind of like “are you serious dude, we have a limited number of friends and you end up with two of them? what about the rest of us” but considering the amount of drama and heartbreak kit undergoes over the years in relation to his love life, they all kind of figure he’s earned the happy ending. post-game the three of them become pirates on isabela’s ship and free slaves in between tracking down hidden treasure or whatever it is that pirates do, and they eventually have adorable baby twins. 

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syl hawke- she/her, age 26, bio kid but only leandra’s, she actually is varric’s half sibling (though she does NOT know this and the sibling rivalry that develops upon them meeting is incomprehensible to the both of them). so syl is the shortest of the bunch, and looks a lot more like varric and bartrand than kit, carver, or bethany, despite them all being related. 

syl’s the only warrior of the group (other than carver- a dynamic duo), fights with hammers exclusively, and has a tendency to be super intense. she doesn’t really get humor at all, in the rare case that she accidentally makes a joke and people laugh she assumes they’re laughing AT her. she’s also very shoot first and ask questions later, and the only hawke more protective than steve is. her big sister energy is off the charts and she’s prepared to kill any templar that so much as looks at her family. as such she’s staunchly pro-mage.

she’s a lesbian and has massive game despite not really being any good at flirting- it’s probably her sheer intensity. she and isabela have a brief fling, tallis is very taken with her, and she has a rivalry-fueled sexual tension with aveline for ages (the long road is a VERY fun quest to play through with syl). however she was always very supportive of and close with merrill and eventually the two fall in love. once they’re together they’re insanely sweet and have mega chemistry and i love them so fucking much. post-game they’re forced to leave kirkwall but end up living in the denerim alienage.

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lith hawke- she/her, age 25, adopted by the hawkes at 9 along with her twin nyx. an archer rogue, with speed taking precedence over power or precision. lith is a lot to take in okay. she’s the only one who’s pro-templar in the group, and is a rabid andrastian. back home in lothering her chantry beliefs were instrumental in keeping her family safe, as she not only knew every templar by name (as the whole family did) but also is endlessly trustworthy to them and to all the chantry sisters and mothers. countless times a templar might have come calling to take away one of her siblings or her father, but was dissuaded by lith- after all, little lith hawke would NEVER help hide apostates, right?

she supports her siblings because she believes that in the end their souls will be saved. (the only thing that freaks her out more than nyx’s blood magic is when syl casually drops that she’s thinking about converting to merrill’s religion.) she doesn’t trust mages if they aren’t related to her, and always advocates for the circle when given the chance. she’s best friends with fenris and they hang out a lot, more and more as the years pass. since merrill and anders both move into the hawke estate (which was already a bit of a circus, can you imagine the chaos?) lith finds herself more and more outnumbered ideologically and often escapes to fenris’ mansion for some quiet. 

during the endgame, she sides against her family and the mages. she basically has a villainous breakdown. she helps them kill meredith and once it’s revealed that meredith had been influenced by the lyrium idol, lith’s whole worldview is pretty much shattered. post-game she leaves the city and seeks out her cousin, ash amell (i have eight wardens so im not going to get into this but basically my amell and my cousland (eve) are in a gay throuple with leliana and its dope as all hell). spending time with ash, eve, and leliana is very healing for her, but all her siblings assume she’s dead and she doesn’t see them for years after kirkwall. 

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nyx hawke- they/them, age 25, adopted by the hawkes at 9 along with their twin lith. nyx is the blood mage of the group, and is an absolute icon quite frankly. they’re very chaotic, and especially close with kit, merrill, and isabela. nyx has a ton of fun fighting, and they and syl make an especially good team in combat. nyx always looks up to syl and its very sweet, and syl is the only one in the family who never once messed up nyx’s pronouns (everyone is very good about this of course, and by kirkwall its a non-issue, but even lith slipped up once or twice early on). 

they have very noodly arms because they’ve never had to worry about fighting hand to hand when running out of mana, because of the blood magic. this leads to quite a bit of teasing but tbh they pull it off. nyx is bi and has a thing with isabela for a short while but in the end they’re better as best friends. 

nyx and lith are very close. they’re often perfectly in sync when doing things, especially in combat, and have that twin esp thing going on which can get spooky at times. however they also bicker a lot, and obviously clash on ideology pretty much constantly. though this is the norm nyx always assumed they would have each other’s backs no matter what when it came down to the nitty gritty, and lith’s betrayal during the endgame is really heartbreaking for them. 

over the years anders and nyx do a lot of collaborating when it comes to mage rights. they help him polish his manifesto, and smuggle mages out of the gallows. the only real reason nyx isn’t brought into the loop on the chantry explosion was a mixtures of anders’ crushing guilt and his knowledge that if he told nyx and not steve, steve would be really hurt. (however he couldn’t tell steve because he didn’t want the deaths to be on steve’s conscience- anders knows he definitely would have helped if it came down to that). post-game nyx goes on to be one of the leaders of the mage rebellion.

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lou hawke- he/him, age 22, adopted by the hawkes at 10. hes a cowboy and i love him. an archer rogue, he prioritizes powerful firing over speed or precision. he’s a massive sweetheart, terminally polite, and has massive ears that he’s self-conscious of and tries to cover with his hair. however whenever his hair gets long enough to cover them leandra starts poking and prodding him to get a trim and he’s always too soft to refuse for long, beginning the cycle again (and after leandra is murdered he always keeps his hair to her liking- he gets weepy if it grows too long). he’s the only hawke i’ve drawn without his in-game outfit because this fucking game doesn’t have cowboy hats or cute shirts with tassles and i do what i want. 

lou also plays instruments, he’s got a guitar and a harmonica and plays the piano passably. he IS the piano man in the eyes of the hanged man’s patrons. sing us a song, they tell him, etc. he manages ten minutes of harmonica in the deep roads, citing excellent acoustics, until anders tells him to stop because the darkspawn will hear. when the hawkes get rich lou buys a horse and goes for morning rides out on the wounded coast. 

lou is bi, and runs around for years with a massive crush on isabela but that doesn’t exactly work out. he ends up with jethann (theres a lot of lore here but suffice it to say its extremely tender) and post-game they leave kirkwall and end up owning a ranch not far outside denerim. lou hires lots of farmhands that end up looking to him as a father figure and its super sweet, and jethann refuses to do manual labor. 

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this got insanely long i am SO sorry flkjsdlkgjlkcxjglsfkd

feel free to send any asks relating to them because i really love this family so much and could talk about them forever dlfskjlxcjglskd if you couldnt tell from this diatribe

[eddycurrents]

For the week of 6 August 2018

Quick Bits:

Black Badge #1 is a wonderful start to this new series from the team behind Grass Kings. Matt Kindt, Tyler & Hilary Jenkins set up a new story featuring a troop of kids engaging in black ops operations as a pretty neat premise. The characters so far are somewhat unlikable, but that seems partially to be the point.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Bloodshot Salvation #12 closes out this series and with it Jeff Lemire’s tenure with the characters. Amidst all of the crazy government organizations, experiments, and far-flung future assassinations, this has at heart been a story about family and the lengths people will go to in order to protect their own and there’s a wonderful sense of closure at the end here. We know it won’t last as Bloodshot: Rising Spirit is coming, but it’s still nice while it lasts. Also some very nice art from Doug Braithwaite and Jordie Bellaire.

| Published by Valiant

Clankillers #2 is pretty much made by the art from Antonio Fuso and Stefano Simeone. That’s not to take away from the story of family, betrayal, and Irish mythology with Sean Lewis, which is excellent, but Fuso’s art is just so perfectly suited to this. His style reminds me a lot of early Sean Phillips and a bit of Duncan Fegredo.

| Published by AfterShock

Daredevil #606 begins the next chapter for the series and it is ridiculously good. Interspersed with a main narrative of Daredevil tackling a band robbery by Hammerhead, Charles Soule and Phil Noto build up the pieces for the next stage in taking down Kingpin, bringing back two-thirds of Daredevil’s task force from Hunt for Wolverine. They’re a weird group, but it’s obvious that Soule likes writing these characters. Also, the art from Noto is just phenomenal.

| Published by Marvel

Death or Glory #4 is just more brilliance from Rick Remender and Bengal. The art is seriously god tier. The car chase this issue alone is incredible, not to mention the tension of Glory and her charges attempting to escape the abattoir. This is just astoundingly great comics.

| Published by Image / Giant Generator

Exiles #6 takes a little bit of downtime to figure out the new direction for the team to take before immediately dumping them in a new alternate reality. The artwork from Rod Reis is absolutely gorgeous and I really like how Saladin Ahmed seems to be building the team more as a family.

| Published by Marvel

Fantastic Four #1 is a very welcome and long overdue return, but thankfully this is a great issue. Sure, the team technically isn’t back yet, but in the main feature Dan Slott, Sara Pichelli, Elisabetta D’Amico, and Marte Gracia focus on one of the core tenets of these characters: family. And when combined with a sweet and funny flashback of the Four trying to find their way home, this is a good start, with beautiful artwork. That goes also for the back-up Doom story from Slott, Simone Bianchi, and Marco Russo, that gives us a more primal Doom. One that reminds me a bit of the Doom who was trapped on the Heroes Reborn counter-Earth. After his turn as Iron Man, I don’t want to see Doom slide back into outright villainy, but what comes next remains to be seen. Overall, I loved this, and am anxious to see what’s around the corner.

| Published by Marvel

Farmhand #2 is as good as the first issue, as Rob Guillory begins to flesh out the Jenkins family and hint that more strange shenanigans are going on in the town and at the family farm. Great art from Guillory and Taylor Wells.

| Published by Image

Her Infernal Descent #4 takes a few more interesting turns as Lynn takes a walk through “heaven” and then we get the ultimate cliffhanger. This entire series so far has shown a lot of inventiveness from the entire creative team, with Lonnie Nadler, Zac Thompson, Kyle Charles, and Dee Cunniffe all delivering some impressive work. This one kind of ups that with the depiction of Circle H and the angels constructing the condos. Also, the wood of suicides with Hunter S. Thompson is brilliant.

| Published by AfterShock

Hot Lunch Special #1 is a very solid debut for this crime drama from Eliot Rahal and Jorge Fornés. Comparisons to Fargo will probably abound, due to location, but this is much more serious in tone and execution, with some very evocative art from Fornés.

| Published by AfterShock

Hunt for Wolverine: The Adamantium Agenda #4 concludes the second of these minis, where the end result is seemingly all going to be “We didn’t find Logan, but we all found the true Wolverine that resides in our hearts.” I poke fun, but these have been enjoyable, especially this one from Tom Taylor, RB Silva, Adriano di Benedetto, and Guru eFX. Nice humour throughout as Taylor shows he really gets Spider-Man, Luke Cage, and Jessica Jones, leading me to hope that somewhere down the line he gets a New Avengers title going. Also some really big revelations that should have both personal and broad implications for the X-Men.

| Published by Marvel

Maestros #7 concludes what has been a funny, irreverent take on magic and fantasy from Steve Skroce and Dave Stewart. For a series that has had some interesting setbacks for our lead, this one’s actually pretty straight-forward, even as it gives us a sympathetic flashback for Mardok’s story.

| Published by Image

Medieval Spawn & Witchblade #4 is a decent conclusion to the series. I’ve liked the story that Brian Holguin and Brian Haberlin have been telling, even as the Spawn’s backstory does indeed reveal itself a take on the Arthurian myth. I’ve really enjoyed the art from Haberlin and Geirrod Van Dyke.

| Published by Image

Nancy Drew #3 has some really nice character moments as the crew tries to put the pieces together of Pete’s mother’s murder and some shady history. The art from Jenn St-Onge and Triona Farrell is perfect for the story.

| Published by Dynamite

Oblivion Song #6 claims to be an end to a story arc, but this book doesn’t really seem to work like that, instead with each issue being a series of transitions in a larger serial narrative. Changes occur and questions abound, but there’s no definitive conclusion to anything, just more story. And it works, because what Robert Kirkman, Lorenzo de Felici, and Annalisa Leoni are creating here is very compelling.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Optimus Prime #22 begins its tie-in to the Unicron event and the march to the end of IDW’s Hasbroverse. Like pretty much all IDW crossovers, it’s woefully out of sync with the event as a whole due to lateness, but it is still entertaining. This gives some of the much-needed back story for how the pieces got to where they were in the early parts of Transformers: Unicron and fleshes out more of the political machinations going on behind the scenes. Great art from Sara Pitre-Durocher and Josh Burcham. 

| Published by IDW

Outpost Zero #2 is not really at all the direction I expected this series to take, but it’s very good. Sean McKeever, Alexandre Tefenkgi, and Jean-Francois Beaulieu have some interesting teen drama on their hands here and a nice mystery to boot.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Port of Earth #8 concludes the second arc, with some fairly frightening implications and revelations that we’ve kind of suspected since the first issue. Zack Kaplan, Andrea Mutti, and Vladimir Popov are telling a very interesting story here.

| Published by Image / Top Cow

Predator: Hunters II #1 begins a second series of these new Predator Hunters from Chris Warner, capturing a similar tone and approach as the original Predator film. Nice art from Agustin Padilla and Neeraj Menon.

| Published by Dark Horse

Relay #2 spotlights the dark side of the Relay and what they’re doing to the universe. Some very interesting moral and ethical issues are raised this issue by Zac Thompson and it looks like more to come between the team. Beautiful artwork from Andy Clarke and José Villarrubia. 

| Published by AfterShock

Shadow Roads #2 is another captivating instalment of this series. I love that Cullen Bunn and Brian Hurtt are back exploring the world of the Sixth Gun and expanding on the weird aspects of that world, with some very impressive artwork from AC Zamudio and Carlos N Zamudio.

| Published by Oni Press

She Could Fly #2 is more strangeness, even as the story comes together in some very interesting ways. I absolutely love the artwork from Martín Morazzo and Miroslav Mrva.

| Published by Dark Horse / Berger Books

Transformers: Lost Light #22 is another issue to do your head in as James Roberts crashes together the threads from the past several years of More Than Meets the Eye and Lost Light. It’s fairly impressive how all of this is coming together and still maintaining the wonderful humour that is always included in the scripts.

| Published by IDW

Transformers: Unicron #3 begins fleshing out some of the Transformers mythology and tying it together with some of the expanded Hasbroverse. It’s nice to see John Barber putting some of the pieces together here even as it heralds the end. Also, this is some of the best art of Alex Milne’s career, really stepping it up a notch, beautifully coloured by Sebastian Cheng and David Garcia Cruz.

| Published by IDW

X-Men Blue #33 explores the future that Magneto was transported to in order to escape Bastion and the Mothervine mutants. Great art from Marcus To and Matt Milla as it really feels like Cullen Bunn is working towards his Magneto endgame.

| Published by Marvel

Other Highlights: Accell #13, Amazing Spider-Man #3, Amazing Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows #22, Animosity: Evolution #7, The Beauty #22, Champions #23, Charlie’s Angels #3, The Dead Hand #5, Dejah Thoris #7, Dissonance #4, Domino #5, Dungeons & Dragons: Evil at Baldur’s Gate #4, Eternal Empire #10, Invader Zim #33, Lumberjanes: A Midsummer Night’s Scheme #1, Mech Cadet Yu #11, Nancy Drew #3, Old Man Logan #45, Quicksilver: No Surrender #4, Spider-Man Annual #1, Spider-Man vs. Deadpool #37, Star Wars: Darth Vader #19, Strangers in Paradise XXV #5, TMNT: Bebop & Rocksteady Hit the Road #2, Tomb Raider: Inferno #3, The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #35, Unnatural #2, World of Tanks: Citadel #4, Xena: Warrior Princess #7

Recommended Collections: Champions - Volume 3: Champion for a Day, Outcast - Volume 6, Spider-Man: Kraven’s Last Hunt, Star Trek: Discovery - The Light of Kahless, Star Wars - Volume 8: Mutiny at Mon Cala, Thicker Than Blood, Vs. - Volume 1

d. emerson eddy is wondering why there isn’t an even larger size cup of coffee. It should also come in jugs. Mugs and jugs.

[thelastspeecher]

Stan-at-Home - Chapter 4: Stanford Pines, Set to Rights

Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5   Chapter 6 Chapter 7   AO3

I really wanted to update something last month, but life got in the way.  So, here, have an update for my Stay-at-Home Stan AU fic.  And I promise, I won’t update this fic until after I finish “Stan Pines, Farmhand”.  I really wanna get that fic DONE.  Anyways, in this chapter, Ford meets Angie’s absent-minded neurologist friend as well as his own gotdang son.  And nightmares for both of the Stan twins start to reach their conclusion.  Anyways, enjoy.

               “Stanford.”  Ford looked up.  Angie smiled at him.  “May I join ya?” she asked.  

               “Uh, sure,” Ford said.  Angie took a seat next to him on the couch.  

               “I have somethin’ fer ya,” she said.  “Hold out yer hand.”  Ford did as he was told.  Angie carefully set a necklace in the palm of his hand.  It was silver, with a delicate chain that held a replica of the Star of David.

               “What’s this for?” Ford asked.  Angie sighed.

               “Growin’ up, I was always told that the sign of the cross would keep demons and evil at bay.”

               “This isn’t a cross.”

               “Let me finish.”

               “Sorry.”

               “Anyways, I looked into a bit more,” Angie said.  Her knee was bouncing, in much the same way that Fiddleford’s did. “Seems like holy relics or holy symbols weaken otherworldly bein’s.  I figured that, since ya were raised Jewish, you’d have a more personal connection to the Star of David than a cross.  And that might strengthen its power a bit.”

               “Angie…”

               “It ain’t a permanent solution by any means.  But maybe it’ll help keep Bill out of yer mind while we work on the proper fix.”  She nodded at it.  “That’s blessed silver, done by a priest.  And the necklace has a good history, too.  It was a gift from Ma and Pa to celebrate the twins bein’ born.  Givin’ expectin’ parents a nice necklace is a tradition from Ma’s side of the fam’ly.  There’s nothin’ but good feelin’s and happiness with that lil thing.”

               “You’re very thorough,” Ford said softly, running the necklace through his hands.  

               “I’m a scientist.  I’m supposed to be.  Go ahead, put it on.”  Ford slid the necklace over his head.  The moment the pendent settled on his chest, he felt more grounded.  A humming he hadn’t realized was in the back of his mind suddenly stopped.  Angie looked at him.  “So?”

               “It works.”

               “Really?” Angie said eagerly.  Ford nodded.

               “Bill’s grip on me was already rather tenuous, given how far I am from Gravity Falls.  This seems to have been the final step to break the connection between us.  At least, while I’m in San Diego,” Ford said. Angie beamed.

               “That’s amazin’!  I’m so glad it worked.  I am goin’ to need that necklace back, though.  Once they turn eight, the girls get to decide who gets that one, and who gets the one with a cross.”  She tilted her head pensively.  “But I’m pretty sure Daisy’ll get the one yer wearin’.”

               “Why?”

               “Just seems like it,” Angie said simply.  

               “Gut feeling?”

               “Yup.”  A few moments passed.  Ford cleared his throat.

               “Actually, Angie, while I have you here, there’s something I need to tell you.”

               “It ain’t ‘bout more demons, is it?”

               “No, it’s-”  Ford took a breath.  “The reason Jenny is dropping off Tate is so that he can bond with me.  Because…I’m his father.”

               “I know,” Angie said.  Ford stared at her.  

               “Did she tell you?”

               “No.  I figured it out on my own,” Angie said, sounding agitated.  “I ain’t an idiot, Stanford.”

               “I never said you were,” Ford said, startled.

               “It’s not what ya said, it’s what ya implied,” Angie said in a slightly calmer tone.  She took a breath.  “Look, I knew Tate’s other father was out there in the world somewhere. I ‘member when we still called Fidds ‘Viola’, and I thought he was my big sister.  Jenny ain’t like he is.  I knew someone was out there, who helped make my lil nephew.”  She shrugged.  “Figured it was some dashin’, handsome young man what swept him off his feet fer a night of wonder or somethin’ cheesy like that.”

               “I’m not sure whether I should be insulted or not,” Ford said mildly. Angie rolled her eyes.

               “Yer a fine-lookin’ man, Stanford Pines.  Any twin of my husband would have to be.  But I had no clue who exactly this mystery man was.”  She cocked her head at him.  “Then I met you.  And remembered that Fiddleford met ya fer dinner ‘round the same time Tate would’ve been conceived.  And I realized that Tate and Daisy look an awful lot alike, even fer cousins.”

               “You caught onto that?”

               “Of course I did!  Science is all ‘bout drawin’ connections between data.  Fer the longest time, the only connection between Daisy and Tate was that I’m Tate’s auntie.  I thought the polydactyly was some McGucket trait, maybe an in utero mutated gene my Pa or Ma had, but didn’t manifest in ‘em, or their kids.  Polydactyly can do that.”  Angie shook her head.  “But seein’ yer twelve fingers, well, that was the final nail in the coffin.  Yer not just a polydactyl, yer a polydactyl in the exact same way as Tate.  And it ain’t a common way.  Post-axial polydactyly like that on both hands?  Mighty rare.”

               “Yes, I’m well aware,” Ford said.  Angie nodded.

               “Suppose ya would be.”  She paused. “I apologize fer bein’ rude just now.”

               “Rude?  I didn’t think-”

               “No, I was.  Don’t be polite.”  Angie sighed. “I just- I’m so used to provin’ myself. Bein’ a woman in science is rough. Nothin’ I ever did was good enough fer folks at college.  No one believed that I was as good as they were.”

               “I’m familiar with the concept,” Ford said airily.  Angie cracked a half-smile.

               “Suppose ya would be,” she said again.  She patted his leg in a genial manner.  “Now, let’s go get that brain of yours scanned.”

----- 

               Ford sat in the office of the head of Neurology at the San Diego Teaching Hospital.  Across from him, sitting at a desk covered in brain models, was the head of Neurology herself, Dr. Norma Carmichael.  Angie, who was to Ford’s right, leaned forward.

               “So, ya didn’t see anythin’ peculiar with his results, Norma?” Angie asked. Dr. Carmichael shook her head.

               “No.  Just what I expected to see from someone with chronic nightmares.”  The three of them had decided to not tell Angie’s college friend the source of Ford’s nightmares.  “But I do have to admit,” Dr. Carmichael conceded, “the activity was more vigorous than I’ve seen before.  Like there were more nightmares, or they were higher in severity.”

               Well, obviously my nightmares would be more severe than those not caused by demons.  Ford mentally frowned at the sarcastic tone to his thoughts.  No, Stanford.  Be patient.  Dr. Carmichael is doing this at no cost to you, and Angie doesn’t need you to be rude to her friend.

               “What do we do now?” Stan (who was sitting to Ford’s left) asked, taking a break from playing with one of the models on Dr. Carmichael’s desk.

               “You said that psychological treatments have been unsuccessful?” Dr. Carmichael asked.  Ford nodded.

               “Yes.”

               “Then I do have one treatment I would suggest.”

               “What is it?” Angie asked.  Dr. Carmichael sighed.

               “It’s rather experimental.  Actually, we only just got the approval to do a trial for it here.  It’s being run by myself and Steve.  Steve’s arguably the best neurosurgeon we have here, he’s-”

               “Norma,” Angie interrupted.  “Please.”

               “Oh, right.  Sorry.”

               Angie mentioned her friend had a tendency to get sidetracked.  

               “The treatment is, to put it simply, brain surgery to suppress the portions of your brain causing the chronic nightmares,” Dr. Carmichael said.

               “What?” Ford asked, startled.

               “Only when you’re unconscious, of course,” Dr. Carmichael said breezily. “We wouldn’t want to block access to a portion of your brain permanently.  Which, if we accidentally did, we could fix.  Probably.  I mean-”

               “Norma,” Angie started again.  She took a breath.  “Is this the only physiological treatment you have for us?”

               “Yes.  And, to be frank, your brother-in-law is perfect for our study.”

               “Ya don’t say,” Stan said idly.  He accidentally dropped the model he was fiddling with.  Brightly colored regions of the brain scattered on the floor. “Shit!  Sorry, Norma.”  Dr. Carmichael waved a hand.

               “It’s no problem.  When my sons come to visit, they do the same thing.  You don’t have a son, do you, Stan?”

               “Uh, no.  Just the twin girls for me and Angie right now,” Stan said.

               “Right now”?  Hmm, maybe I’ll get another niece or nephew someday.  

               “Norma, I think we’re goin’ to go over our options,” Angie said.  “We’ll be in touch.  Thank you, again.”

               “Oh, it was no problem at all!  Especially if your brother-in-law agrees to be in our study.  Hint, hint,” Dr. Carmichael said, winking at Ford.  

               After cleaning up the brain model pieces off the floor, Ford, Stan, and Angie exited Dr. Carmichael’s office.  Ford leaned against the wall.  He lost himself in the sterile hospital smell and the voice on the intercom requesting the on-call dermatologist.  

               “Stanford,” Angie said, breaking through Ford’s fuzzy thoughts.  

               “Yes?” Ford asked.

               “What are ya thinkin’?”

               “I think he should do the surgery,” Stan put in.  

               “So do I,” Angie said.  After a moment, Ford nodded.

               “I concur.”

               “I’ll call Norma tomorrow, sneak ya in that study of hers, then,” Angie said. She dug a pen out of her purse and scribbled something on her hand.  Stan peered over at what she had written.

               “Who’s ‘Dill Nodno’?” Stan asked.  Angie shoved him playfully.

               “Oh, you.  Quit makin’ fun of my handwritin’.  What matters is that I can read it.”  She tucked the pen behind her ear.  “Did ya want to stop and get a treat, Stanford?”

               “Uh, what?”

               “When we take the girls to appointments, that’s what we do afterwards,” Stan explained.  

               “I’m not one of your toddler-aged daughters,” Ford said. Angie grinned at him.

               “I know that.  But adults like ice cream too.  So, are ya in the mood fer a nice scoop of vanilla?” she asked.  

               “I’m not one to turn down frozen treats,” Ford said.  Stan punched him playfully.

               “There’s the spirit, Sixer!  Let’s get some ice cream.”

----- 

               Daisy hummed as she skipped alongside Ford, holding her six-fingered hand in one of his.  It was the day after the brain scan, and Stan insisted that Ford come with him and the girls on their walk to the park.

               “Normally, Angie comes with, since it’s her day off, but she’s settin’ things up for your study,” Stan said.  

               “I can do that,” Ford interjected.  Stan shook his head.

               “You’re my brother and I love you, but you’re not a people person, Ford.  Can’t risk you making Norma upset by accident.”

               “I wouldn’t!”

               “Since Angie’s gettin’ things in order, yeah, ya won’t.”

               “Uncle Ford, do you like my skipping?” Daisy asked, startled Ford out of his recollection.  Ford smiled indulgently at his niece.

               “Of course I do!  It’s lovely, just like you are,” he said.  Daisy beamed.  Stan elbowed Ford.

               “See, Sixer?  You’re great with kids!  And Tate’s an angel compared to these troublemakers.  You’ll be fine with him.”

               “The people at the park seem to know you very well,” Ford remarked to Stan. Stan eyed Ford, well aware of his twin’s not-so-subtle change of topic.  After a moment, Stan shrugged.  

               “I’ve been takin’ the girls there since before they could walk.  Folks know the McGuckets around here.”  He rolled his eyes.  “Not everyone ‘approves’ of me watchin’ the kids and Angie workin’, though.” Stan looked at Danny, who was holding his hand.  “What’s the name for people like that?”

               “Chumps!” Danny said enthusiastically.  Ford chuckled.

               “That’s right, princess,” Stan said.  He looked up.  The blood drained from his face.  “Oh, no.”

               “What is it?” Ford asked.  Stan stared at the car parked outside his house.

               “I recognize that car,” he whispered.  “Girls, ya know which house is Mrs. Bell’s, right?”  His daughters nodded.  “Okay, go over there, now.  Take your Uncle Ford with you.  Call 911.”

               “What?  Stanley, that’s a bit of an overreaction,” Ford started.  Stan stared at his twin with terrified eyes.

               “Remember that dream I had?” Stan asked in a shaky voice.  Ford’s blood ran cold.

               The one that ended with his wife getting killed.

               “…Oh,” Ford said softly.  Stan handed Danny over to Ford.  “I’ll take the girls.  What should I tell the operator?”

               “That a dangerous criminal arrived at 435 Farley Street, likely has backup.  Now get goin’.”  Before Ford could set off with the girls, however, the front door slammed open.  A man raced out of the house, clamping a hand to his shoulder.  “Cover the girls’ eyes, Sixer!” Stan shouted while he ran to intercept the person fleeing the house.  Ford did as he was told and watched Stan knock out the stranger with one punch.  

               “That’s right, ya best run, ya-” someone shouted from the house.  Ford looked in the direction the voice had come from.  Standing in the doorway, eyes wild and brandishing a rifle, was Angie.  

               “Angie!” Stan shouted.  Angie dropped her gun to rush to her husband and embrace him tightly.  Ford could faintly make out a few words while Stan spoke to her.  “-thought he got ya.”  Angie’s laughter carried.

               “No one messes with my fam’ly.  Or threatens to,” she replied confidently.  Stan hugged her tighter, burying his face in her hair.  Ford looked away.  This was a private moment between a husband and wife.  After a few moments, Stan came back to Ford and the girls.

               “Daddy, what’s goin’ on?” Danny asked curiously.  Stan crouched down.

               “Nothin’ for ya to worry about.  But Uncle Ford is gonna take ya back to the park for a bit.  Your ma and I have to…deal with a few things.”

               “Can Apple come with?” Daisy asked.  Stan grimaced.

               “Apple doesn’t like your uncle, remember?”

               “Oh.  Right.”

               “But,” Stan said, “Uncle Ford will get the two of ya a treat, okay?”

               “Okay!” Daisy said cheerfully.  Stan stood up and pulled his wallet out of his back pocket.  His hands were shaking.

               “Stan,” Ford said softly.  “It’s on me.” Stan looked at him gratefully.

               “Are ya sure?”

               “Yes.  Positive. Take care of your wife and…your past. Just come by the park whenever you and Angie are ready,” Ford said.  Stan took a breath.  

               “Thanks, Sixer.”  Stan kissed his daughters on the tops of their heads before walking back to Angie. Ford watched Stan put an arm around his wife’s shoulders and walk inside with her.  

               “So, girls, let’s go back to the park,” Ford said in a falsely cheery tone. Danny tugged at his shirt.  He looked down at her.  “Yes?”

               “What’s goin’ on?”

               “I’m not quite sure,” Ford answered.  Danny frowned at him.

               “Don’t lie.”

               Damn.  How did she know?  Am I that bad at lying?  Or is she that good at catching lies?

               “Listen, I don’t want to tell you two something that’s inaccurate.  Or something that your parents should talk to you about.  When your dad comes to the park, you can ask him then.  But right now, I can’t tell you anything.  Do you understand?” Ford said.  After a moment, Danny nodded.  “Now, let’s go to the park.”

----- 

               Ford stared at the polar bear exhibit, trying to suppress his nerves.  

               What I wouldn’t give to be on the other side of that glass.  No, Stanford, you’d get mauled to death. Ford ran a trembling hand through his hair.  Would that be so bad?  

               “Sweet Moses, Sixer, quit freakin’ out so much!” Stan said, exasperated. Ford looked at his twin.  Danny was sitting on Stan’s shoulders, braiding his hair, while Daisy clung to his leg and sang nonsense words under her breath. “You’re meetin’ Tate for the first time. You’re not gettin’ a prostate exam.”

               “What’s a pot exam?” Daisy asked.  Stan looked down at his daughter.  

               “Nothin’ you need to worry about.”

               “Hmm,” Daisy said, wrinkling her nose.  She resumed her singing.  

               “I’d prefer that, to be honest,” Ford said.  Stan sighed.

               “Seriously, stop bein’ such a drama queen.  That’s my job.  Right, girls?”

               “Yeah!” Danny and Daisy said eagerly.  

               “Your children are using you as a jungle gym,” Ford pointed out.  Stan winced as Danny tugged too roughly on his hair. “Can you blame me for being nervous about meeting my own progeny?”

               “‘Progeny’?  Geez, you’re a nerd.  And you don’t need to be so worried.  Angie and I keep tellin’ ya, not only is Tate older than the girls, but he’s the quietest, most well-behaved kid in the world.  It’s weird.”

               “Still!” Ford said.  He looked back at the polar bear.  “Why are we meeting Tate and Jenny at the zoo?”

               “It’s zoo day!” Daisy said.  Stan nodded.

               “Since Angie works here, we get in for free a couple times a month.”

               “That’s it?” Ford asked.

               “Well, the rest of the month, we get a pretty sweet discount.  But since it’s just the one income for us, and two toddlers use up a lotta cash, we usually only visit on free days.  And anyways, Tate loves it here.”

               “Really?”

               “Yeah.  He likes the animals a lot.”  Stan looked past Ford.  “There he is!”  Ford turned around.  Walking toward them was a tall, slender blonde woman, holding a young boy’s hand. The boy’s eyes were obscured by a thick mass of dark brown hair.  Ford felt a hint of a connection.

               The Pines family curls.  I’ve been there.

               “Tate!” Daisy and Danny shrieked.  Daisy unlatched from Stan’s leg and ran toward her cousin and aunt. She tackled Tate in an intense hug. The woman, presumably Jenny McGucket, carefully detached Daisy from Tate.

               “Stanley, it’s lovely to see you,” Jenny said, once she had reached Stan and Ford.

               “Good to see you too, Jenny,” Stan said.  He grinned and removed Danny from his shoulders, then crouched down to Tate’s height.  “Hey there, buddy.  How’s my favorite little man, huh?”

               “All right,” Tate said in a small voice.  He looked at Ford.  “Mom says you’re my dad.”  Ford swallowed nervously.

               “Yes.  I am,” Ford said.

               “Why haven’t I met you, if you’re my dad?” Tate asked.  

               “It’s complicated.  I wasn’t in contact with your father, and-”  Ford broke off, suddenly noticing the stares he was getting from Danny and Daisy.

               “All right, girls, maybe we should go get a snack,” Stan said abruptly. “Let Uncle Ford, Tate, and Aunt Jenny catch up.”

               “No, I’ll come with,” Jenny said.  “The boys need some bonding time.”  Ford stared at Stan with terrified eyes.

               Please don’t leave me alone with him!

               “…Actually,” Stan said slowly, “I’ll stay here with Tate and Ford.  Jenny, mind takin’ the girls to the Axolotl Eatery? It’s the restaurant near the amphibian exhibit.  Angie said she would meet us there for her lunch break.  Us men will take a short walk and join ya in about, I dunno, ten minutes?”  Jenny looked back and forth between Stan and Ford.

               “Okay.  Come on, girls.”  After Jenny had left, singing a song about elephants with Danny and Daisy, Ford turned his attention to his son again.

               “So, Tate,” Ford started.  

               “Yeah?”

               “Uh…”  Ford realized he hadn’t thought of what he would say.

               “How about we walk around a bit,” Stan suggested.  “Some of the penguins had babies, wanna go check it out, Tate?”

               “Okay,” Tate said.  He took a hold of Stan’s hand.  The three of them set off in silence.  Once they were halfway to the penguin exhibit (according to the zoo map Ford had picked up), Tate spoke.  “What do I call you?”

               “Pardon?” Ford asked.

               “Danny and Daisy prob’ly call you Uncle Ford.  But you’re not my uncle, you’re my dad.”

               “Well, I think Dad would suffice, then, don’t you?” Ford said. Tate frowned.

               “‘Suffice’?”

               “Be adequate or sufficient,” Ford said.  “Dad is a good thing to call me.”  Tate nodded slowly.  

               “Dad, what do you do?”

               “I’m a scientist.”

               “Like Aunt Angie?”

               “Not exactly like her.  There are many branches of science, and I elected to study physics in college, while she studied herpetology.”

               “Yeah, he’s a scientist like your Aunt Angie,” Stan said.  Tate nodded again.

               “What do you like to do, like read, or write, or jigsaw puzzles, or go hiking?”  Stan raised an eyebrow.  

               “Tate, did your mom give ya a list of things to ask your dad?”

               “…Maybe,” Tate said.  Stan chuckled.

               “So, Ford?  What are your hobbies?” Stan asked.  Ford rubbed the back of his neck.

               “Uh, I read a lot.  I do my research, so for that I tend to take pictures and draw, as well as write.”

               “Tell Tate about your research a bit,” Stan suggested.  “I think he’d find it interestin’.”

               “Oh!  Well, my research is cataloging the strange creatures of Gravity Falls,” Ford said. Stan nodded.

               “How do you do your research?”

               “Mostly by hiking in the woods and observing wildlife.”  Tate looked at Ford.

               “Really?!” Tate asked eagerly.

               That’s the most energetic he’s sounded since I met him.

               “Yes.  There are a lot of fascinating things in the forest.”

               “I know!  There’s birds, and fish, and raccoons,” Tate said.  “And!  I saw Bigfoot once!”

               “Oh, yes, he’s quite the friendly gentleman,” Ford said.  Tate gaped.

               “You met Bigfoot!”

               “Yes.”

               “I knew he was real!  The other boys in my troop never believed me when I told them I saw him.”

               “Ah, well, some people keep their heads in the sand and don’t listen to proof that the supernatural exists,” Ford said.  He frowned.  “Troop?”

               “Boy Scouts,” Stan supplied.  “Tate’s quite the ranger, aren’t ya?”  Tate nodded eagerly.

               “Boy Scouts have to do projects, right?” Ford asked.  Tate nodded again.  “Maybe one of your projects someday could involve assisting me with my research.”

               “That sounds awesome!  I wanna meet Bigfoot!” Tate gushed.  Ford looked at Stan.  Stan winked.

               “He’s a lot like you, huh, Sixer?  Quiet until ya mention somethin’ he loves.”

               “Why’d you call him Sixer?” Tate asked.  

               “Because I have six fingers on each hand,” Ford answered.  “Like you, Tate.”

               “Really?”  Ford crouched down and held out his hands for Tate to examine.  Tate smiled.  “I didn’t know there were people like me.  Except for Daisy.”

               “I am your father,” Ford pointed out. “We’re bound to have similarities.”

               “There ya are!” someone called.  Stan, Ford, and Tate looked over.  Jenny, Angie, and the girls were sitting at a nearby table.  The table was in front of a building with a sign reading “Axolotl Eatery”.  Ford stood up.

               “We’re here already?” Ford asked.

               “Yep.  Guess we’ll have to go check out the baby penguins after lunch,” Stan said.  “Let’s get somethin’ to eat.  I’m starving.”  

               “Stanley,” Ford said softly, putting a hand on Stan’s shoulder as Tate walked over to the table.  Stan stopped walking and looked at his twin.

               “Yeah?”

               “Thank you.”

               “It’s no problem.  Gotta have my family getting along, right?” Stan said.  Ford smiled weakly.

               “I mean it.  You knew exactly what would help me bond with Tate.”

               “Well, I’ve known him basically his whole life,” Stan said.  Ford’s smile faltered.  “But you’ll get to know him better than I do eventually.  I mean, you’re his dad.”

               “Yes.  I am.” Ford took a breath.  “The timing is so awful, though.  My surgery-”

               “Isn’t for a week and a half,” Stan finished.  “You’ve got ten days before the surgery to bond with Tate, plus however long Jenny lets him stay afterward.  And so what if you get little loopy from the pain meds?  You really get to know someone when they’re high on Percocet. Trust me.  After the girls were born, Angie kept yammering on and on about how she swears she saw a werewolf in high school.”  Ford shook his head, hiding a smile.

               “You’re ridiculous, Stan.”

               “Yeah.  Come on, let’s go get some exhibit-themed meals.  Before I eat one of the animals from an actual exhibit.”

----- 

               Ford could feel his hands shaking.

               “Hon, it’ll be okay,” Angie said quietly, stroking his freshly shaved head. “Steve is a miracle worker.  The best neurosurgeon in the west.”

               “Stanford,” Stan said.  Ford looked at his twin.  Stan put a five-fingered hand over one of Ford’s six-fingered ones. “Seriously.  Everything’ll be fine.”  Ford nodded.  He could feel tears pooling in the corners of his eyes, like a nervous child.  “You’re not acting like a kid,” Stan said, as though he had read Ford’s mind.  “Brain surgery is pretty damn terrifying.  There’s a reason we aren’t lettin’ the kids come to the hospital until after you get out.” Ford brushed away his tears, which had yet to fall.  The movement jerked his IV, making him hiss.  “I know this whole thing sucks,” Stan continued, “but think about how fuckin’ awesome it’ll be when you’re done.  No more Bill.  At all. Ever.”

               “If it works,” Ford said, his voice quavering.

               “It will,” Stan said firmly.

               “It will,” Angie repeated.  She kissed the top of his head.  A nurse walked into the room.

               “I’m here to take Mr. Pines to the OR,” the nurse said.

               “Dr. Pines,” Stan corrected.  He winked at Ford.  “My twin brother’s got a Ph.D.”  The nurse smiled in a patient manner.

               “All right.  Dr. Pines, it’s time for your neurosurgery.”  Stan patted Ford’s hand one last time.

               “Not gonna do a high six,” Stan said.  “We’ll save that for after.”

               “We’ll be right here when ya wake up,” Angie said quietly.  As he was wheeled out of the room, Ford looked back at Stan and Angie.  They were in a tight embrace, watching him leave.  Stan grinned at Ford.

               “Go kick some ass, Sixer,” Stan called after Ford.    

               Ford smiled. 

[eddycurrents]

For the week of 9 July 2018

Quick Bits:

Aliens: Dust to Dust #2 continues the plight of a group of settlers on LV-871 as they try to flee an attack by xenomorphs. There’s more gorgeous artwork from Gabriel Hardman and Rain Beredo, very impressive storytelling through the action.

| Published by Dark Horse

Amazing Spider-Man #1 isn’t a bad start to the post-Dan Slott era, with Nick Spencer, Ryan Ottley, Cliff Rathburn, and Laura Martin setting up a new/old status quo for Peter. At times it does seem like the story veers towards unnecessarily being cruel to set him up, pushing him down further and further, but we’ll see where it goes. The art from Ottley, Rathburn, and Martin is wonderful. The narration in the epilogue (with art from Humberto Ramos, Victor Olazaba, and Edgar Delgado) from the villain in the main story, though, is damn good. The sequence itself is an amazing hook and gives me hope for wonderful things to come.

| Published by Marvel

Betrothed #5 is a brutal end to this series. Sean Lewis and Steve Uy give Tamara and Kieron a bloody coming of age, with a somewhat unexpected conclusion to their confrontation with their rivals. There are some interesting hints at more to come that has me hoping that we’ll see more of this story in the future.

| Published by AfterShock

Black Science #37 serves as kind of the connecting tissue for this arc, ostensibly bringing “our” Grant and Sara to the central hub with their alternate universe daughter, trying to solve the problem of the destruction of the Eververse. This is an important turning point in the story, as Rick Remender, Matteo Scalera, and Moreno Dinisio push us headlong towards this series’ conclusion. Again, the art from Scalera and Dinisio is just stunning.

| Published by Image / Giant Generator

Bloodshot Salvation #11 continues to bring this story back around full circle to the beginning, merging the timelines. It’s interesting to see this wholly play out, adding some wrinkles, and giving us some really nice art from Doug Braithwaite and Jordie Bellaire. I’m anxious to see how this ends.

| Published by Valiant

Champions #22 is kind of a second “fresh start” as this issue deals with the fallout from the various events around the Marvel universe and the kids’ solo books. Jim Zub is balancing all of the different moving pieces out of his control very well, making change and transition almost an essential theme to the title, which in itself makes a fair amount of sense with the kids growing up. Although I miss Sean Izaakse, I really love how Kevin Libranda (with colours from Marcio Menyz) presents Snowguard here. The wolf is adorable.

| Published by Marvel

Coda #3 has a really interesting rumination on the nature of good and evil from Si Spurrier as the underlying narration this issue. Raising the oft pondered question of what it means to do the wrong thing for the right reasons and what it means to be “good”.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

The Crow: Memento Mori #4 brings the series to a close. The continuing story from Roberto Recchioni, Werther Dell’Edera, and Giovanna Niro winds up much, much darker than just the religious intolerance presented in the first three issues.

| Published by IDW

Daredevil #605 brings to an end the “Mayor Murdock” story-arc that has featured some wonderful art from Mike Henderson and Matt Milla. Henderson is an incredible artist and his style has so perfectly meshed with Daredevil, the street level heroes, and the terror of the Beast and the Hand brought to New York City.

| Published by Marvel

The Dead Hand #4 throws a big monkey wrench into the works of the hidden Russian city in the form of a rebellious teenager. It’s interesting how Kyle Higgins and Stephen Mooney turn this thriller on a dime into incorporating elements of family drama.

| Published by Image

Die!Die!Die! #1 was a surprise, being announced and then released the same week. It was a pleasant surprise, though, because this first issue is pretty awesome. Robert Kirkman, Scott Gimple, Chris Burnham, and Nathan Fairbairn deliver an over-the-top action comic that reminds me a lot of the more humorous output of Garth Ennis.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Domino #4 is another winner, diving deep into Domino’s connection to her current arch-nemesis, with all of the humour and action that this series has shown us so far. Gail Simone, David Baldeón, and Jesus Aburtov have easily made this series a must read.

| Published by Marvel

Elsewhere #8 brings the series to a conclusion, tying up the one major loose plot thread in the process. This has been a fun adventure series from Jay Faerber, Sumeyye Kesgin, and Ron Riley and this issue captures the indomitable spirit exhibited by Amelia Earhart and DB Cooper throughout this story.

| Published by Image

Exiles #5 is gloriously insane as the first arc comes to a close. Saladin Ahmed, Javier Rodríguez, and Álvaro López have been outdoing themselves with each subsequent issue. The art alone is worth your attention, with some very inventive layouts and storytelling techniques, but the characters, dialogue, and plot are equally enthralling.

| Published by Marvel

Farmhand #1 is a new series from Chew’s Rob Guillory. It’s odd, blending family drama with weird science and body horror. It’s incredibly different and the idea of the body farms is very compelling. Also great, and at times horrifying, art from Guillory, with colours from Taylor Wells.

| Published by Image

Hunt for Wolverine: Adamantium Agenda #3 has some really nice art from RB Silva, Adriano di Benedetto, and Guru-eFX. Silva’s designs for alternate Iron Man armours this issue are particularly impressive.

| Published by Marvel

Isola #4 reveals how the Queen became a cat, maybe, because it’s told in a somewhat hallucinatory fever dream of Rook, possibly remembering what happened or possibly just having a bad dream. I love how Brenden Fletcher, Karl Kerschl, and Msassyk are telling this story, as a somewhat ephemeral fable.

| Published by Image

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Tempest #1 begins the end for the League, with Alan Moore, Kevin O’Neill, Ben Dimagmaliw, and Todd Klein displaying all of the inventiveness and depth of storytelling that series has delivered without fail since its inception. The interplay between formats of newspaper comics, epistolary adventure novels, comic books, and more make this as much a delight of form as it is of story.

| Published by Top Shelf & Knockabout

Nancy Drew #2 kind of subverts the mystery with personal drama, only to set up another mystery. It’s an interesting approach, but it’s leading to some very interesting characters. The art from Jenn St.-Onge and Triona Farrell is wonderful.

| Published by Dynamite

New Mutants: Dead Souls #5 is another great issue, with the team trying to find something in Doctor Strange’s Sanctum Sanctorum. The page layouts from Adam Gorham this issue particularly stand out.

| Published by Marvel

Oblivion Song #5 makes a revelation that we’ve kind of been expecting for a few issues now, but is still interesting to see how it plays out. There are a few major events that definitely change how this series will operate, bringing truth to what Robert Kirkman wrote in the first issue of how this series wouldn’t remain static around a singular status quo. It’s really nice to see that kind of organic change in a story. It also helps that the art from Lorenzo De Felici and Annalisa Leoni is gorgeous.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Old Man Logan #43 is a thing of beauty, featuring Juan Ferreyra’s first Marvel work. His style is perfect for Logan and meshes well with the darker aspects of Ed Brisson’s writing.

| Published by Marvel

Optimus Prime #20 clues us in a bit on what’s been going on with Bumblebee as he and Optimus catch-up...somewhere. John Barber is playing with a lot, trying to keep all of the plates spinning as he weaves together years of Transformers stories here and it’s impressive.

| Published by IDW

Outpost Zero #1 focuses on a group of teens coming of age in a station on what looks like a frozen wasteland of a planet, possibly the last of humanity, since they don’t know if any other generational seed ships made it to any of their destinations either. While this is decidedly sci-fi, Sean McKeever leans in to his writing strengths, delivering some nuanced and developed interpersonal drama that is as compelling as the broader survival plot. I also love the aesthetic and style that Alexandre Tefenkgi and Jean-Francois Beaulieu bring to the art. It reminds me a bit of Takeshi Miyazawa’s work on Mech Cadet Yu and it works really well to blend teen drama and sci-fi.

| Published by Image / Skybound

The Punisher #227 reinforces my belief that Matthew Rosenberg should be writing a Black Widow & friends or SHIELD title. His characterizations and voices for Bucky and Natasha are so spot on, while providing some much needed humorous asides.

| Published by Marvel

Quicksilver: No Surrender #3 is a stunning meditation on Pietro’s relationship and history with his sister. Gorgeous art on the flashbacks from Paul Renaud. I also have to mention again on the main present sequences that Rico Renzi’s use of colour adds so much to the storytelling.

| Published by Marvel

Relay #1 is probably a bit stranger than the Free Comic Book Day zero issue, as Zac Thompson expands the story to the multiple worlds affected and changed by the Relay. It’s an odd mix of philosophy, theology, and police procedural and I’m still not quite sure what to make of it. It has some gorgeous art, though, from Andy Clark, José Villarrubia, and Dan Brown.

| Published by AfterShock

RuinWorld #1 is a fun all-ages fantasy by Derek Laufman, featuring some anthropomorphic animals getting into misadventures. It’s funny how just about every character is different degrees of inept and everything seems to be going wrong. I really like Laufman’s art style.

| Published by Boom Entertainment / kaboom!

She Could Fly #1 is incredibly strange. Starting with the normal, Martín Morazzo and Miroslav Mrva’s art is fabulous. I absolutely love Morazzo’s style, a mix of Frank Quitely and Marcos Martin, and he always makes the books he works on look visually interesting. And it really fits weird and strange stories, like this one. Christopher Cantwell, Morazzo, and Mrva are presenting the mental illness of our main protagonist, Luna, in a matter of fact way, without any visual clues (beyond Clem Robins’ change in font style for an intrusive, abusive inner voice at times) that this isn’t happening. That’s not a problem at all, in itself, but it also seems that this is taking place in an almost magical realist world, where absurd impossible things are possible. Like the fact that she could fly. That unreality of the world itself is what makes this strange, as though we as readers ourselves can’t trust the narrative. Because it might just be something made up in somebody’s head. I like this.

| Published by Dark Horse / Berger Books

Star Wars: Darth Vader #18 is an interesting single issue story pitting Tarkin against Vader. It’s a bit odd, but Charles Soule, Giuseppe Camuncoli, Daniele Orlandini, and David Curiel turn in a very compelling story of the hunt.

| Published by Marvel

Transformers: Lost Light #20 features the confrontation that we’ve been waiting for for a very long time, Rodimus and Getaway. After all that we’ve seen in this series, it underlines just how insane and depraved Getaway truly is.

| Published by IDW

Transformers: Unicron #1 is a very dark comic. Like with the Free Comic Book Day issue, the Cybertronians have almost completely lost, people are giving in to despair, Unicron has eaten most of the colonies, including planets like ROM’s homeworld that they didn’t even know were colonies, and the outlook for the universe is looking very grim. Still, there’s five more issues, and I want to see how John Barber, Alex Milne, and Sebastian Cheng end this.

| Published by IDW

X-23 #1 is a great beginning for Mariko Tamaki with Laura and Gabby. While it’s more immediately tied to the rest of the X-Men than much of All-New Wolverine, it captures the fun and humour of that title, while also presenting a new and deeply disturbing element that you really need to see. It’s nice to see Juann Cabal and Nolan Woodard continue with the characters. Cabal’s art was great on the “Orphans of X” arc and it looks like he’s pulled out all of the stops here. Some phenomenal panel transitions and visual gags.

| Published by Marvel

Xena: Warrior Princess #6 kicks off a new arc with Erica Schultz taking over as writer. It’s good, with Vicente Cifuentes providing a nice visual consistency, while the story takes on another dimension. Like the first arc, this is still rooted in Xena coming to terms with her past as she learns to work with Gabrielle, but we get an added external narrative here with the element of the oracles.

| Published by Dynamite

X-Men Blue #31 feels like the beginning of Cullen Bunn’s X-Men endgame that really started with his work on Magneto years ago, that everything has been building to this. It’s interesting to see the series from this perspective, with Magneto almost as an outside unstoppable force, and it adds a huge gravity to the story. Great art from Jorge Molina and Matt Milla.

| Published by Marvel

Other Highlights: Accell #12, Amazing Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows #21, Archie #32, Astonisher #9, Deadpool: Assassin #3, Dejah Thoris #6, DuckTales #10, GI Joe: A Real American Hero #253, Mech Cadet Yu #10, Monstress #18, Ms. Marvel #32, Port of Earth #7, Red Sonja #18, Resident Alien: An Alien in New York #4, Rick Veitch’s The One #6, Run Wild, Sheena: Queen of the Jungle #10, Star Wars: Thrawn #6, TMNT: Urban Legends #3, Tomb Raider: Inferno #2, The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #34, Wasted Space #3, World of Tanks: Citadel #3

Recommended Collections: All-New Wolverine - Volume 6: Old Woman Laura, Despicable Deadpool - Volume 3: The Marvel Universe Kills Deadpool, Go Go Power Rangers - Volume 1, Made Men - Volume 1: Getting the Gang Back Together, Old Man Logan - Volume 7: Scarlet Samurai, Star Wars: Doctor Aphra - Volume 3: Remastered, TMNT Universe - Volume 4: Home

d. emerson eddy sometimes likes to make himself believe that planet Earth turns slowly. But he’d definitely rather be asleep.