#text: louis tomlinson

[louisupdates]

INTERVIEW: Lottie Tomlinson: we lost our mum and sister. Louis saved me

At the age of 20, the sister of One Direction singer Louis had already lost her mother, Johannah, and sister Félicité. Now 25, the social media star has written a book about how they coped

Alice Thomson | Tuesday July 23 2024, 5.00pm BST, The Times

Losing Mum was so hard. I was only a teenager but at least I knew that her death was a possibility, even though she didn’t accept it. She was 47 and had cancer. But when my sister died three years later, I was on this hotel balcony in Bali and I was screaming, ‘No, my baby sister, no.’ The pain was indescribable. I kept thinking, ‘Why me? This can’t be happening again. When is this going to end?’ ”

We are sitting on Lottie Tomlinson’s immaculate white sofa in her pristine white house in Chislehurst, southeast London, where she is curled up in tiny shorts with a perfect tan and impeccably applied make-up. But her French manicured nails are digging so hard into the sofa I think they might snap, the heart tattoo on her minuscule wrist is throbbing and her eyelashes are clogged with tears.

Her life sounds blessed. The influencer has 4.8 million Instagram followers waiting for her to dispense advice on how to apply mascara; the fake tan brand, Tanologist, that she launched at 19 has gone global; and she has a devoted fiancé, Lewis Burton, who runs a luxury concierge business and whose former girlfriend was the late Caroline Flack. They have an adorable son called Lucky, who is dripping ice cream on her marble counters. Her new book is also called Lucky Girl; her older brother is Louis Tomlinson of One Direction and she was touring the world with the band as a make-up artist at 16.

But after her mother died when she was 18, Tomlinson was left looking after her younger sister and two sets of twin siblings, aged eight and two, while creating her businesses, and trying to process her grief. Her father had left their home in Doncaster years before after a battle with alcohol. “Dad had a drinking problem. We’d see glimpses of his good side but he let us down,” she says. “I ended up trying to take care of him rather than the other way round.”

When her mother died, life felt bleak, “I lost the one person who loved me unconditionally, and then when my sister Fizz [Félicité] died of an accidental overdose, I thought I could never be happy again,” she says. “I found the lead-up to Mother’s Day devastating without my sister as well. It was a constant reminder that I was now different from my friends. In my dreams, my mum was still there; she was alive. I woke up feeling comforted, only to realise that she’d gone.”

Tomlinson, who is now 25 and a patron of the bereavement charity Sue Ryder, moves easily between telling you how to apply the best tan and how to talk about death. She cares passionately about both subjects and takes them equally seriously, worried that I’ve never tried a bronzer or used foundation before asking how I coped when my mother died during the pandemic. Her soft Yorkshire accent is both reassuring and no-nonsense.

Born near Doncaster, she was only two when Fizz was born and six when the first twins arrived. “I’ve always been the big sister — Fizz and I each got one and then more twins six years later.” While Louis had his own space, the girls all shared one room with bunk beds. “It was chaos, but my mum, Johannah, was a midwife and loved being pregnant and having so many babies,” she explains. “I used to be in awe of the way she could feed the twins at once, one on each hip. She would do the night shifts, while I held the fort at home.”

Within a few years, Tomlinson would be touring America, Asia and Europe, flying first class with Louis, part of the biggest boy band in the world, but until she was 15, the family had only ever gone to France once a year all packed into a seven-seater car, with her mother’s new partner, snacks laid out in the middle. They stayed in a caravan park. On a Sunday, a treat was to go to their mother’s hospital to see the babies.

While Louis just wanted to sing, play the guitar and listen to Oasis, the girls were obsessed with make-up. “From the age of 12, I struggled academically, but I loved cropped clothes and my mum’s highlighters and mascaras.” She learnt how to apply everything from YouTube tutorials, rather than doing algebra. “We didn’t have much money — we sometimes couldn’t afford to top up the electricity meter so used candles — but everything my mum earned she spent on us. We all looked immaculate — I remember her being horrified when I dyed my hair orange. So it was lovely later when we could treat her.”

Saturday nights were spent watching The X Factor. “My mother and brother kept applying; in 2010, he got in and the whole family went for the audition. We believed in him, but we never thought it would go that far.” One day the family were going to the live shows, the next the boy band was formed with Harry Styles, Zayn Malik, Niall Horan and Liam Payne. “He was 18. For my mum it was a big shock. It was all so sudden. The press and fans were in our front garden every day.”

The older twins had already made their first TV appearances — they sound like Doncaster’s Von Trapps. “My mother was gently pushy,” Tomlinson says, smiling at the thought. “When I didn’t get good enough GCSEs to stay at school, she sent me off to join Louis on tour as work experience. I was so scared. I remember her ringing up Lou [Teasdale], their hair and make-up artist, and saying, ‘Lottie has not got through to sixth form; she’s going to come and assist you.’ I was in the car going, ‘No, please don’t.’ But it ended up being the best thing that happened to me. I went for a week and stayed two years. Lou and I are still so close.”

Suddenly, the two eldest Tomlinson children were circling the world, eating room service and ducking the paparazzi hanging out of helicopters taking snaps. “At first Louis didn’t really want his little sister gate crashing his new rock-star life, but now it feels like the best time of our lives — we experienced that craziness together,” she says.

The teenage Tomlinson found it harder to cope with being photographed wherever she went. “I had some puppy fat which made me very self-aware, and the filler culture was coming in and I felt I had to look perfect.” She had her lips done first at 17. “Then I became addicted: cheek filler, jaw filler, more make-up, blonder hair, slimmer and more tanned. My mum thought I looked perfect, but I was always searching.”

Five years later, when she became pregnant with Lucky and her lips started to swell and crack, she realised she didn’t need the enhancements any more. “I had everything removed, the false eyelashes too. It was liberating.” She kept her boob job, however. “That was just enhancement,” she says laughing. “The rest radically changed the way I looked. My breasts also got huge when I was pregnant and it was a bit painful. But I still breastfed. I loved carrying my child. I felt fantastic even when I was sick and exhausted.”

She leans forward, wraps her bronzed arms around her stomach and whispers, “I am pregnant again. We don’t know yet if it’s a boy or girl. It’s only 13 weeks, so this is the first time I’ve said it publicly. I think I want a big family. I loved having Lucky but after a year I wanted to give him siblings.”

Tomlinson’s influencer career began once she established herself on tour. Soon everything she did, even dying her roots rainbow-coloured, went viral and fashion companies from Asos to Dior wanted in on it. “I was just going for it. I couldn’t believe the money I was making and spending — money I didn’t know existed as a child.”

Then suddenly her mum came home from holiday with flu. “She didn’t want to get out of bed. The doctors quite quickly told her she had leukaemia and she went straight to London for treatment. It all happened so fast. I remember being in London at work and getting a call from her partner — she couldn’t say the words herself, it was too hard for her.” The family were told it was treatable. “We kept so much hope.”

Her mother asked the family to keep her illness secret. “It was hard because you feel so isolated, but I understood. Louis was in the public eye and she didn’t want him questioned. She was determined to fight it and didn’t want everyone pitying her. My friends noticed I was acting differently for a few months. But I wanted to respect her wishes. It was her one request.”

She also dropped everything to go back to Doncaster to help her grandparents with the twins. “The younger ones were two and I wanted to keep everything as normal as possible. I can’t imagine what my mum was feeling leaving her kids to go to hospital.

“I would take them down and treasure seeing her — we tried to keep it light, no serious conversation. The only way Mum could cope was to keep it normal. Then, when the doctors said the transfusions hadn’t worked, she came home to die.”

Tomlinson tries to sound matter-of-fact. “We went to see her in hospital in Sheffield and the next morning we woke up and were told she had died. We felt numb. We didn’t know what to do with ourselves. Now I am involved with the Sue Ryder charity, I am surprised we were offered no support or counselling at all, from the GP, the teachers, the professionals. They all kept away.” Her nan and grandad picked up the pieces.

It’s not surprising she can’t remember the funeral. “I just remember getting really drunk to numb the pain. I couldn’t come to terms with it. I can’t even remember how we organised it. My instinct was to take over as the eldest girl and step into my mum’s shoes so that is what I did.” Meanwhile, her older brother, who was launching his solo career, ensured there was enough money. “He’s incredibly generous. We looked after each other.”

Tomlinson returned to London months later, after her grandmother said she needed to become a role model for her siblings. Her younger sister Fizz worried her most. “She was very academic — she got straight A’s without trying — but she always said she felt different. She was bottling her grief for so long; it was too much and made her turn to other things. I think Mum’s death destroyed her. Only my mum seemed to understand her. If she had been offered some help at the start, things might have been different.”

Meanwhile, Tomlinson’s self-tanning brand was soon being sold in Los Angeles, New York and Australia, while her own fanbase grew; she hardly ever needed to pay for drinks, meals or holidays. However, she finds the term influencer obnoxious. “I don’t want to act like I tell people what to do. I am more of a content creator,” she explains. “I get paid by brands to create content for their clothes or beauty products and promote that to my followers. I also wanted my own business. I was quite aware that, at the end of the day, I was just working with an app. That’s why I started Tanologist with my business partner. I was always using tanning treatments that would end up turning my sheets orange and my face would break out in spots — this is more natural.”

Louis was also forging his career as a solo artist, eventually creating the song Two of Us about his mother’s death. “We were always so proud of Louis and what he was doing. We were not going to match up to being a global superstar, but we didn’t want to — ‘successful’ looks different for everyone,” she says.

But her sister Fizz was slipping and struggling. “She was old enough to do what she wanted at 19; she was partying and taking stuff to numb everything. She did go into rehab but to me it didn’t feel like an addiction problem, but a way to blank out her grief.” When Tomlinson was invited to Bali, she asked Fizz whether she wanted her to stay behind. “She said she was OK, and then it happened while I was away,” she says. (Fizz accidentally overdosed on cocaine, an anxiety drug and painkillers, her inquest found.) “Louis called me…” She stops talking.

The shock of a second death must have been devastating. She doesn’t speak for a minute while she twists her huge diamond engagement ring. “We weren’t mentally prepared,” she eventually says. “I can’t even remember if the two funerals were in the same church. I think grief has affected my memory a lot and that’s quite common. Grief is such a powerful emotion; it takes up a lot of your brain.”

Five years later, she now knows how to remain positive. “I had an amazing mum for 18 years. I have the most amazing family, my little boy and my career, and that is because of her. The same with Fizz — I had an amazing sister. It’s heartbreaking they aren’t with us any more, but they are together and they are looking out for me,” she says, sounding as though she is repeating a mantra.

Having a baby made her feel closer to them both. “He was a boy — it’s funny, he actually looks a lot like Louis did — and I thought, this is what my mother must have felt. But then I had so many questions I couldn’t ask, even more because she was a midwife.”

Her biggest problem was her terror that something terrible would happen to her son. “I became fixated [on the idea that] something bad would happen to him, so I couldn’t sleep. You go to the worst-case scenario, because that’s happened to you twice, to two of the closest people in your life. I couldn’t turn the lights off at night; I needed to see him all the time. Luckily, it calmed down quite quickly.”

We are still flitting between her story and advice on make-up, exercise and clothes.

“I like sharing advice. If a child lost their mother, I would say there is no magic answer. But the point of this book is to show that you can have tragic things happen and still keep going.”

What would the 25-year-old now say to her younger self, struggling at her second funeral at the age of 20? “I would say, ‘You are going to be OK; you will live a nice life.’ I didn’t think I could. I thought this will be a really sad, lonely life without my mum and sister. I wouldn’t have believed then that I could be happy again. But it would have been nice to hear.”

Lucky Girl by Lottie Tomlinson (Bonnier, £22). To order a copy go to timesbookshop.co.uk. Free UK standard P&P on orders over £25. Special discount available for Times+ members

[louis-memes]

Another example of The Louis Tomlinson Effect [credit: dancashio]

[savebylou]

Louis & Louies' messages on the Live Album.

I transcribed all the messages of the album that Louies wrote as well as the message of Louis so is easier to read it. All of them are organized by photo.

The birmingham show will stay in my mind for a long time as one of the happiest nights of my life, it was really special, thank you louis <3 - Lucy H

You motivate me to have faith in the future that despite the moments we can move foward - Alejandra D

You are the greatest I love you so much lots of love and support from Pakistan - Alina K

Being able to hear "Chicago" in Chicago was an amazing experience as someone who grew up in Chicago. It made the song feel unique - Amy S

Thank you Louis for sharing this live album with us, for including us fans. It means the absolute world to us. WE LOVE YOU!!! - Archisha D

Thank you for coming to Greece, it means the world to us greek fans <3 - Efi C

Louis' live shows are truly my happy place- so grateful to have experienced them as they've helped me through so much! - Julia S

The Brisbane show was unlike anything I've experienced. The crowd was a wall of sound, support and strength for Louis. Amazing! - Karly O

Is super special for me to be involved in all these moments. I feel like I'm part of a family :) - Lais C

This album means everything to me! Hearing it live was one of the best experiences in my life! - Lovis W

Louis Tomlinson's tour just made everything better ❤️ ❤️- Megan I

This album moved me in many ways and was even better to hear live at concert. To go through the emotions, us together, was mighty, a gift. - Merel VP

Thank you for doing these live versions, now I feel part of the concert even if I couldn't go. Love you so much! - Milena M

This tour has given me SO much! It's awesome to connect with other people that enjoy and love the same music as you do. Love from Costa Rica - Priscilla A

Dear Louis. Your world tour rocked! Thanks for sharing your passion and talent with us all. Can't wait for what's next! #LouisTomlinsonTour - Mitali J

So happy that I was born in an era in which Louis Tomlinson exist :))))) - Niayesh N

Louis being at your shows is the definition of happiness and joy. You gave your all at the shows and we couldn't ask for more - Nora Z

Louis tour was amazing and will always hold a special place in my heart. Being able to experience the shows again through LIVE is a gift - Olivia R

Seeing you and listening to your music was the best feeling ever. All the love x - Daria O

This tour has been an unfforgettable tour that'll undoubtedly remain in the memory of all of us who have attended. We love you Louis - Paulina E

My favorite memory of the tour is when he played the greatest. The atmosphere made goosebumps run through my body. Hope to see you soon - Payton N

It was amazing to see you on tour in London and I had the best night! The atmosphere in the o2 was incredible! Thank you for the memories! - Rebekah J

Thank you for making me feel seen! So proud of you and everything you've achieved! - Rhiannon J

Thank you for this. Thank you for making me feel included. Thank you for making me feel home <3- Saida N

Ir al concierto de tu artista favorito es un sentimiento completamente inefable, y con LIVE, es posible recordar esos lindos momentos -Brida H [translation: Going to a show of your favorite artist is a sentiment that words can't explain and with LIVE is possible to remember those beautiful moments]

Thank you for the chance to make so many amazing, lovely, talented and kind new friends <3 - Sam W

Listen to this album feels like a celebration to all that Louis has achieved in his solo career! He make us fans feel so proud!! - Smital P

It's crazy that I'm from the other side of the world to you but still listen to your music!! You have come so far! I love you !! - Sienna MB

Louie, Melbourne Concert was perfection - nearly lost my voice from singing every song. Your music brings pure happiness. Thank you forever - Stacey K

Louis your music resonates deeply, touching hearts with its autenticity. Thank you for sharing your talent and being an inspiration - Tae M

Louis is the reason I've got myself surrounded by people whom I can call family. Forever proud of you and your accomplishments. - Navya P

Genuinely the best experience of my life! I've never had so much fun and it was just the best atmosphere and the loveliest people!! - Tiggy S

Thank you for being your autentic self, and allowing us to do the same - Vera S

Thanks for the memories of a lifetime you gave us with these 2 tours. I had the BEST time. Always by your side. - Victoria V

My first concert experience was yours and to be honest, it couldn't be more amazing! - Doğa B

memories, relationships, the opportunity to live my best life is something that I will always associate with this tour, thank you for that - Wiktoria P

I'll never forget the feeling and the love of the crowd in Bilbao - Daniela M

Louis came to my home country and I went alone to the concert. I met so many amazing people. I didn't feel alone for a second :) - Yoana I

You will always be the person i adore the most <3 - Sofia R

love you louis, very proud of you x x - Kayley N

i'm so proud of you <3- Abi R

louis thank you for making life easier <3 -Aina J

you are incredible I saw you three times live and I loved each time. Thanks to you I met the most special people in the world. Ti amo -Gulia A

Experiencing both tour alongside Louis is something us fans we will never forget. Thank you Louis for the environment you've created for us -Aleena H

I'm in love with the way you think faith in the future is such a great concept as well as an album <3 - Alex H

Be your fan, see all that you've made its incredible, im truly thankfull for being able to see all of this- even miles away -Ana Clara

Seeing what Louis has done these last few years is incredible, and it makes me proud to be part of it :) - Anna J

So much love from Australia and I love FITF - Annalise D

Faith in the future for ever - Anya M

He knows how to connect with people through his music, you dance or cry but you FEEL every song. Louis makes you feel alive with every song. - Melany A

I flew from NZ to his Aussie show in Brisbane. It was one of the best nights of my life. I think that sentence speak for itself. - Ariah C

Hi louis, I just wanted to say thank you everything. Love you so much and we are very proud of you. You make us feel so safe ❤️ - Arina Y

Louis Tomlinson is a genius. Incredible experience with this live album. Lots of love ❤️ - Arshi K

I love Louis from Mexico Guadalajara some tequila shots in your honor legend - Noemí F

I still remember the electric magic the second I saw you. We've never felt more loved and honoured that we shared our greatest night w/ you. - Arushi R

thank you Louis!! Being able to hear this album live was the greatest day of my life and it will always be one of my favorite memories!! - Ashley H

I really loved the show in Greece, thank you so much for coming, i can't wait to see again live on stage. - Athina K

The FITF tour is one of, if I say the best tour and atmosphere in the whole universe. It feels like home to most of us Louies, proud of you Lou! - Ava MW

singing walls live was the most magical moment of my life n im lucky enough to have it inmortalize in a live album, i'll thank u forever - Aylen D

I speak for a lot of people when I say that this tour gave us happiness and a reason to wake up in the morning. We love you so much Louis - Bailey F

Your concert changed my life and I watch the videos every single day - Bella K

By far the best show I've ever experienced!!! I really miss the feeling of watching Louis perform!!! - Joelina W

Louis has created more then just music. He's created an environment where friends are family and love is unconditional - Bess L

You are us and we are you. There will be a never-ending collaboration between us. Because together we're the greatest!!!! - Beyza E

Faith in the future tour has showed me that eventually you will be rewarded for everything you worked for and Louis is the best example - Saul B

Give Louis Tomlinson a listen, you'll become a fan. Listen to him live and he'll own your heart and soul. The most beautiful voice!- Laura B

This tour was the best concert of my life thank you for creating the most amazing bond between you and your fans! - Brianna W

Faith in the Future, but also Faith in Louis - Camila R

You are extraordinary thank you for simply being you, I love you from Chile - Camila F

i went to 4 cities on FITFWT and people asked, isn't the same each night? no, louis made it special, each show was an adrenaline rush - Angel C

Together, over the last 3 years we have created memories that will live with me forever. Thank you for making it all possible - Louis T x

FITFWT, Brought fans from all ages and countries together. It is an experience you need to experience once in your life. - Cassie I

Heart warming and breath taking tour. Louis always out does himself, and his love for the fans is forever spectacular, we love you Louis! - Catarina B

Louis' music has helped me through my worst. He told me to not let it break your heart, and that time takes time to heal, I believed him - Chaitali M

I'm so proud of you Louis, both this album and Walls are masterpieces and I hope to see more music from you in the future! -Cynergy HK

this tour meant the world to me, i was feeling really lonely during my first semester of uni and getting to attend tour gave me comfort <3 - Chloe B

i loved every second of this thank you Louis for making many dreams come true <3 - Berra O

So excited to be part of this amazing project. Proud of what Louis has done over time. Here 4 u since 2011, mate. Thanks for everything. - Daniela L

Your presence in my life is priceless. Your music guides me through tough times, and I'm incredibly proud of your success as an artist - Danna G

You and your songs are my safe place. You are the best I love you :) - Dayana S

Well done Louis you are amazing. Love the album. Xo - Donna M

I can't even tell you how much I enjoyed the show! Thank you so so much Louis for this amazing experience <3 - Déníca B

[Note: the t-shirt of the last photo says "Gracias" that is thank you in Spanish. I wrote the messages as it's written, if they wrote a mistake I didn't fix it, I did my best but if I made a mistake on the transcription or how I wrote a name please let me know so I can fix it]. x

[faithinlouisfuture]

[silverfoxlou]

[bidamonalbarn]

my best friend about Louis Tomlinson

[killmymind]

[sunkissedlouis]

the middle of adventure is a perfect place to start

[enchantedlandcoffee]

Louis keeping his hubby updated on todays events | Inspired by tags @hl-obsessed 💕

[pathetic-dreamy]

Niall, texting Louis: Louis there’s a moth on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it?

Niall: Pls hurry because I’m going to cry

Niall: Louis

Niall: Louis

Louis: Louis is dead. You’re next. Love, Moth.

[sunshineandlyrics]

It seems Louis has been spending time and eating very well in Sydney with his friends Riccardo and Jadelyn Johnson and their son, via Jadelyn's IG story (8 February 2024) x

We are in the living off crumbs era again ..

[dailytomlinson]

undefined

“Let me let you in to a little secret right now, right. I’ve been feeling pretty fucking great on this tour so far, but still every time you come out to a crowd this size, you feel it, you feel it. You know what I mean? You feel it in your chest. I can’t tell you how much of an unbelievable feeling it is – and I know how lucky I am for this – to be able to have that luxury every single gig; when I’m thinking about what’s about to come… and I know, I literally know, that every single night, everyone in this room is gonna be on my side and I fucking love you for that." - 02.02

[delicatepointofview]

Council Bluffs, IA.

[kenobivirgin69]

does anyone else cry while listening to 'Faith In The Future' because of how beautiful the album is? or just me? (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠)

[silverfoxlou]

vest casualty nos. 1–5

[beacarrot]

When some feeling is so big and high it doesn't even fit in the chest, let alone in lines in a notebook or on an internet blog. I get lost more than I'd like to admit, letting current events just pass by, have you ever heard of the girl who got trapped in her illusion? It's as if time doesn't pass for her, she's 15 inside her fantasy... that's me, and maybe you too!

I'm in my secret garden, where the only key to get in there is mine. The flowers are more colorful, the sun is brighter, time doesn't passes, the seasons are penetrating, the promises are silent, and the bridges of songs rescue our souls from the cold river.

I really like Tumblr for several reasons, one of which is that there are many "safe place" profiles. Besides, I feel free to post my adoration and passion for the things that I like and that make me happy, make my eyes shine, my heart race like a teenager in love!

One Direction is one of those things, probably the one that makes me most ecstatic.

I met the band when I was 14, I was entering adolescence, a dangerous territory, a lawless land, disappointments, broken hearts, complexes, I can't go into too many details, but a road not paved with only gold. But when this world hurt me too much, I needed to run, and live here and there for a little while, in my little secret world, in which I reserved my romanticism and unfinished analogies. I spend most of the year there, because I hate it here (just kidding, I don't actually hate it here, it was just an excuse to use a Taylor quote LOL)

One Direction (and the fandom) presented me with valuable things, treasures, magazines, CDs, thousands of Pinterest boards, fanfics, Wattpad, silly memes about the band, but they made me laugh a lot. The lyrics of the songs, the affection between the boys and their fans, every particularity of these special boys that warms our hearts!

Five years, five albums, five magical kids! (that's why five is my lucky number).

The band split up, but these five years and the legacy they left were so incredible, every show, every smile, every life saved, that I honestly believe they will still come back, but until that happens they deserve a rest, they deserve get to know each other.

But they made and make my adolescence worth it, for made me feel loved, I feel alive loving something as valuable as them. They remind me of my innocent and naive times, and that I don't need to grow up inside, and I'm grateful for every adventure with them, every time I turned on my computer and spent hours and nights reading fanfics LOL!

They are our teenage dream, they are our inspiration...it doesn't matter that we never touched them, we will be Wendy and they will be our Peter Pan.

And I will wait at the window for their return, to fly to the land of dreams, our private Neverland.

Happy 14 years of One Direction!

Signed: Beatriz <3

23/07/2024.