#thank you to anyone who might have read my dumb long analysis

[sneakboots]

Not a question, but I really just wanted to say that your blog brings me so much joy

I've been in a reading slump for many months and you've inspired me to revisit an amazing old obsession of mine

I read the first book at a public library, then for my thirteenth birthday I got the entire trilogy in hardcover and read it through countless times

It's actually Tony DiTerlizzi that inspired me to be an author illustrator (a dream that will be achieved in future)

Thank you for reminding me of all the good memories this series holds, it's meant a lot to me :)

This is lovely! 💕 Thank you for the kind words.

WondLa is my comfort series. At this point, I have read it hundreds of times (I even wrote an entire analysis on it for a Creative Writing class… might post snippets on here in the future, if anyone is interested in an analytical essay turned geek fest.)

This blog was made on a whim, and really I just wanted to add more WondLa content out there and find people who enjoy it too! I have loved running this blog, and won’t stop for a long time. The best of luck on that author/illustrator dream! WondLa truly is chalk full of storytelling inspiration from writing to images.

So glad my dumb obsession brings you joy!

[misstrashchan]

Pyre/Greedling Meta:

I remember in the earlier volumes that a fair amount of people in the FNDM would compare Cinder to Lust from Fullmetal Alchemist, due to her femme fatale persona and voice seeming like an impression of Laura Bailey's Lust.

But as we learn more about Cinder and meet Salem in vol4, it's very clear that the version of herself she likes to present herself as is meant to come across as an impression, an imitation. Because she's trying to imitate Salem, the person who defines what power is to her.

And as that facade crumbles and we slowly start to see how deep Cinder's desires really run, it's far more clear to me that her character and story have much more in common with Greed, not Lust.

:read more:

Greed is the only homunculi who is willing to follow his deepest desires to the fullest, regardless of where that placed him. He was certainly willing to do evil, but wouldn't if that evil didn't personally benefit him. And, over time within the series, Greed comes to realise that his obsession with power, glory and seeking to become God, were nothing more than vain attempts to cover up his true emotional emptiness caused by a lack of connecting to others. And once he finds a cause and people to support who help and support him in turn, his character arc finishes with him, Greed, looking on all that he has, his friends, and is grateful. Content.

Which ties into the lesson of the Fall Maiden in the Tale of the Four Maidens in which Fall begs the Hermit to look around at all he has and be thankful. To be satisfied and content with oneself, which is a lesson Cinder has to learn in order to truly become a Fall Maiden.

Greed's desires are similar to Cinder's own ambition for power driven by her fear and insecurities, seeking to become a "godlike maiden badass" wanting to fill the emptiness and craving she feels, not yet realizing that this will not be what brings her true satisfaction to her, well, greed.

"Greed may not be good, but it's not so bad either. You humans think greed is just for money and power! But everyone wants something they don't have"

"You Atlas elites are all the same! You think hoarding power means you'll have it forever. But it just makes the rest of us hungrier! And I refuse to starve"."

I think it's very important to point out that Greed doesn't become good or redeem himself because he sees the error of his ways and wants to atone for the things he's done, rather he starts on the path to redemption by refusing to be a pawn to Father any longer, when realizing the power and glory he craves he wouldn't be able to obtain by staying and working underneath Father like the rest. His greed and dissatisfaction are what motivates him, though it is ultimately Ling who gives him the final push and convinces him to side with the protagonists.

And Cinder at the end of vol7 seems to be heading towards a crossroads of whether or not she'll stay with Salem, given how the Grimm arm that was "gifted" to her by Salem seems to be slowly consuming her body, she might have doubts about whether the kind of power Salem has promised her is really the kind of power she wants, and whether she's prepared to sacrifice herself to obtain it, or whether she could choose to strike out on her own. Again, some villains start on the path to redemption solely out of self interest.

It's also not just Greed's story I think Cinder's is remarkably similar to, but the stories of Ling and Pyrrha and the role they play in Greed and Cinder's stories, as their souls and stories are intrinsically intertwined.

The ouroboros tattoo and its meaning was the first thing that caught my attention, as it the ouroboros symbol represents eternal cyclical renewal. Of life, death and rebirth. And how that aligns with Pyrrha's incantation used to unlock Jaune's aura:

"For it is in passing we achieve immortality. Through this we become a paragon of virtue and glory to rise above all. Infinite in distance and unbound by death, I release your soul, and by my shoulder, protect thee"

Cinder also has a tattoo of her own symbol that appears after connecting to Amber's soul and taking half of her power, just like the ouroboros tattoo appearing after Greed and Ling's souls were intertwined and he had taken over his body. Cinder takes the other half of the maiden powers after Pyrrha had been bound to them as her and Amber's aura were intertwined, making it likely that Pyrrha is a part of Cinder in the same way Greed and Ling are.

Both Pyrrha and Ling are considered to be people in positions of power and prestige with great expectations placed on them that they intend to live up to. Ling as an Xingese prince, Pyrrha as a world renowned champion fighter and promising huntresses, the "invincible girl". Both agree to becoming a maiden/homuculus respectively, despite the inhumane means of doing so and risk to their body, soul and life, as they believe obtaining this power will help their people.

"We can't transfer Amber's power to you but we can give you what those powers are bound to."

"Her aura"

"Her life... would become intertwined with yours. The question is-"

"What's that gonna do to you?" - (RWBY Volume 3 Chapter 6)

Greed and Cinder's stories are body horror stories about what you'll sacrifice for power, and the power they are "gifted" by their masters, Father and Salem, is concentrated in their left arm.

Interestingly, Greed's power that transforms him into an inhuman monster is his "Ultimate Shield" that makes him invulnerable, which is the exact opposite of the "power" that Salem grants Cinder that slowly crawls up her left arm threatening to turn her into a monster makes her more vulnerable than most, because she doesn't have aura to protect those parts of her.

Both Greed and Cinder are the most defiant of their masters wishes, and often Father and Salem experience losses and failures because they underestimated Greed and Cinder's ambition. What should have been an easy win at Haven for Salem failed because Cinder was overly ambitious in her need to to win, to feel powerful, and Greed's betrayal of Father is simply because his own ambition is greater than his, thus he would never be content to work underneath him, to be less than him.

Both are charismatic individuals and good at convincing others to work with them. They like to surround themselves with others and both are the only ones under Father/Salem to have their own subordinates (Wrath doesn't count since it was always Father's intention to have him become Fuhrer). Despite them clearly needing human connection, their relationship with their loyal subordinates we are introduced to alongside them is... Not Super Great. They might care about them to a certain degree, but at the end of the day they ultimately view them as useful tools and possessions.

Both of them speak of an emptiness they feel inside of them:

"All of these souls inside of me, and yet I still feel so... empty"

"It's... an emptiness. It burns. Like a hunger."

It's ultimately Ling thst acts as Greed's consciousness, as when he doesn't show any remorse over killing Bido, the last of the old Greed's followers, on the orders of Father, Ling is the one who drags out all of his repressed emotion, being able to feel his pain and see his memories, he forces Greed to face them and how terribly he treated his "friends", and to reevaluate his priorities and self, pushing him away from Father.

"It's nothing personal. I'm just doing my job. I am sorry, honestly!"

"What have you done, Greed? Are you determined to prove you're a monster? What kind of sick creature... would kill his own friend!?"

"He wasn't my... friend..."

"Then why do you remember him? And are you gonna try and tell me Bido was just making everything up?"

"Those were the last Greed's memories! They're not mine!"

"THEN WHY ARE YOU IN SO MUCH PAIN!?

Pull yourself together, Greed. I'm warning you. I'll take this body back if you drop your guard"

"They aren't mine... Father purified me and purged the old Greed's memories. Those memories aren't a part of me any more!"

"No! You're wrong Greed! It's not that easy! They'll always be a part of you! You can't just erase them from your soul! They were the only part of you that you chose!"

"Look at them! Can you not hear their souls crying out? You abandoned them. Your real family! You threw them away like trash!"

"Fool. If you turned your back on something you wanted, YOU DON'T DESERVE TO CALL YOURSELF GREED!" (Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood episode 44, Greed and Ling)

If Pyrrha were to return, it's likely she would manifest and communicate more directly with Cinder than maiden predecessors usually do (though in all fairness we don't know the details of if maiden predecessors do or not), being more similar to Ozpin and Oscar's situation, rather than just being a part of her soul, because of how unnatural her interference with the fall maiden's power transfer was. The way Ozpin looks and speaks about it makes it clear he knows there is a very good chance he was recreating his own curse the GoL bestowed on him, and that this isn't like when he was the Hermit, giving his magic happily to the Maidens.

There's also the parallels between Ozma and Pyrrha's situations too, and how readily they accept their mission and fate, and in how they die, and I believe we still haven't seen the full payoff to those parallels with Pyrrha.

When Ozma reincarnates the first time, it's implied that he completely overtakes Ozma 2.0/ Oisín/Diggs (why do we have so many names for him), having not yet learned how to live with the souls with which he had been paired. It's not until much, much later when Oz is beginning to have doubts about whether he should stay with Salem , but still continues to go along with her plans that Oisín makes himself known, (and we know Ozma isn't used to him communicating with him with how suprised and shaken he is by this, which is strange considering he's been paired with him for a long while, unless Oisín hadn't made himself known before this) and is the one who finally pushes Ozma to leave Salem.

"What are we doing?"

With Cinder returning to Salem's side, full of doubt of whether she can go through with Salem's plan for her, to hurt and destroy herself for this power, and Emerald and Mecury (probably Neo too) likely betraying and cutting ties with Cinder too, which is going to leave her full of even more doubt, hurt, anger and additional feelings of betrayal and confusion. And more than anything, alone. Which would be the ideal time for Pyrrha to say to Cinder like with Ozma, "What are we doing?" To push her to reevaluate her priorities and self.

Imagine Pyrrha finally being able to manifest or communicate with Cinder, realizing she's bound to the woman who killed her. Knowing her emotions and memories in their entirety, feeling her pain and anger as if it were her own. And Ruby describing her as "Pyrrha thought that if there was even the smallest chance of helping someone that it was a chance worth taking" the Pyrrha who told Jaune "Everyone needs a little help sometimes" understanding what Cinder went through, and that if she couldn't save the world or make it better by attempting to kill Cinder, then, maybe as she is now, the one thing she can do to help save the world, to make it a better place, is by helping Cinder be better, helping her use her talents for good, like a true maiden should? (On a more fun note, imagining Pyrrha deciding to help Cinder but not missing any opportunity to be a playfully snarky little shit towards her. Because what is Cinder gonna do? Kill her again? Like tell me Pyrrha would not Do Both. And Cinder's not sure which she hates more: Pyrrha teasing her or feeling sorry for her)

Another interesting thing is how in The World of RWBY: The Official Companion states that Salem's goal is to possess all four relics, and to absorb the power of all the Maidens, which she means to at some point, absorb Cinder's power. It's likely part of why she favours Cinder and has such an intimate relationship with her (the Relic of Choice might have played a role in why Salem chose Cinder specifically) That transition of maiden powers from Cinder to Salem would be made much more seamless for Salem if she was grooming Cinder to be more like her, and was slowly becoming more Grimm, if she was treating Cinder like an extension of herself, because to Salem, she would be. Which is again, similar to Father and Greed, as Greed literally was an extension of Father created from him, and absorbed back into him when he became too disobedient and remade and reborn again.

The finale of Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood has Father absorbing Greed's philosopher's stone in an attempt to claim his power, but Greed ends up sacrificing himself by inverting his Ultimate Shield inside of Father, making his whole body incredibly fragile and vulnerable so Ed is able to defeat him. In the end, Greed ends up being the key to their victory against Father.

I want to make it clear that I don't personally think RWBY will end with Cinder dying or "defeating" Salem. At least, not in the traditional sense. I can draw as many comparisons as I like between Greed and Cinder but at the end of the day they're two different stories with different themes. And I don't believe that kind of ending would align with RWBY's. One of the themes of Cinder's story is to find a way to keep living no matter what. And as for Salem, the only way she can "die" is to learn the value of life and death, which would require a much more different approach.

But either way, I do believe Cinder will end up being their key to victory one way or another, similar to Greed.

[gold-pavilion]

hi!!! i’m a huge fan of your analysis posts and it really really offers me more insight into such a complex piece of media like bsd. i was wondering if i could hear your thoughts on dazai and chuuya’s relationship? there’s so much to it that i can never really wrap my head around it- especially with the new info that stormbringer has given us. i was also wondering how you might compare dazai’s relationship with chuuya vs his relationship with oda. obviously they’re very different but they’re both people that he was drawn to bc of their “humanity,” and people who knew him very well. thank you!:)

HELLO thank you so much for reading my stuff!!! And so sorry to have taken so long to get to this question. I haven’t yet had the chance to read Stormbringer (obsessed with the mainline manga here, but I take my sweet-ass tiiiiiime with the light novels, it’s just not a type of literature I consume on the regular) and I just know I’ll still be a while.

But dangit, we can sure talk about Dazai’s relationship with Chuuya (+contrast to Odasaku)! So let’s do that, while I get to the new novel lmao.

There’s certainly a lot to that iteration of soukoku, and the concept of “humanity” is closely involved. It seems to be Chuuya’s humanity that fascinated (and annoyed) Dazai from the start, after all, and it’s a factor that continuously determines things in their relationship.

In general, they’ve got their shared themes through which they can view each other, the search for a home and a sense of meaning that ailed them both at first (not for long in Chuuya’s case, but persistently, seemingly forever on, in Dazai’s). They’ve got their complimentary natures and skills that made them work well as a pair. They’ve got Dazai’s dumb possessiveness over Chuuya and Chuuya’s silent attachment to Dazai. Normally this would/should warrant them getting along some more - it’s a fact that they do care for each other a whole lot too - yet then they’ve got not only their contrasting personalities, but also the deeply-rooted oppositions in their moral alignment and level of humanity, and that’s where things get tense and screwy, I think. Humanity is a large part of the mess.

It’s just that thing, where Dazai is the one going to the side of good and Chuuya the one staying on the side of bad, but still, Dazai is the one without limits while Chuuya is all about his own principles. I mentioned it before on this reply to an ask about them, but the way both act (Chuuya having an inclination to care and empathy even though he’s a destructive force, Dazai not having natural empathy or principles when he should) is a motive for frustration towards one another. It already was in the past and it’s all the more post-Dazai’s leave.

So, in that sense, even though Dazai might feel some type of longing, curiosity, admiration or whoknowswhat for that side of Chuuya (his emotions aren’t something we know much about, so it’s anyone’s guess; all I can tell you is that he sees it, because he pokes at it), it’s not something he’s willing to touch upon more closely. You’re very right to say it seems to draw him in. Still, Chuuya doesn’t seem to be someone he wants to take that from, be it for the factors of frustration I said above, or cause it’d be more vulnerability than he wants to have around his partner/”dog”. If any growth or learning is done there, it’s only in the way two stubborn rocks can erode each other if they’re rubbing together long enough.

But he is willing to take it from Oda lmao. He’s not cagey, taunting and an overall dick about the humanity he sees/admires in Oda, that’s the main difference. There’s no frustration or denial there.

Oda, like Chuuya, has emotions Dazai lacks: natural empathy, care, an inclination to kindness. But these are accompanied with a wish to go to the side of good and to cut back on evil actions. It’s an example Dazai can look at and see less contradiction in, something more digestible and understandable that can be taken after as guidance. Indeed, it seems humanity draws Dazai to people, but where Chuuya’s case gets confusing, complex and frustrating, Oda’s is one he can look at with just curiosity and a positive opinion, ultimately as a push for his own change of career.

That’s the thing, as far as I think! Dazai’s a moral mess with an admiring eye for what he lacks. And I may be harsh on pointing out his shortcomings in that sense, but he’s learning, from repetition and reasoning out and imitation, and he’s influenced in one way or another by mere exposition too. Can a moral sense be grown? Let’s see you get it, Dazai.

[badgirlcovenrep]

I haven't seen anyone analyze the song Raelle sang in ep.6 so I just had to.

Disclaimer: the English major in me REALLY came out during this analysis so watch out for some ridiculously in depth thoughts

I hadn't heard that song before the episode so I initially thought it might have been made for the show, but after Googling I eventually found out it's "The book of love" by Peter Gabriel.

The first two parts is what we actually hear her sing on the show.

The "book of love" is a pretty interesting expression to start with. It's a surprisingly difficult thing to interpret for just being the title of the song, and it could mean a whole multitude of things. In my interpretation I like to think it means the way we are taught to love by the people around us, how we see them love each other and feel them love us. In moments like that, those people are reading the book of love to us.

I specially like how it's described as being full of "charts and facts and figures", like maybe as we grow we collect all these things about love, about how to love, how to "read" those books to other people. Like the way our parents loved each other and loved us will affect how we form relationships and love other people. And then it's also full of "instructions for dancing", which could be referencing flirtation, or the very act of a relationship to someone else as well.

The fact it calls this book "long and boring", and allude to it being so heavy "no one can lift the damn thing" at the very first verses really reminds me of the impatience of youth, and being too young to understand the importance of any of this (of the book itself) at first. It's very reminiscent of Raelle, who I can see as not being someone who has quite grown enough to be placid with her feelings, to say the least. And she specially hadn't before she met Scylla.

But when she was with Scylla she let herself be "read" this book of love. When she finishes with "you can read me anything" I just can't help but think of how Raelle was so hurt and heartbroken after (supposedly) losing her mother, how she didn't think she'd ever have - or even want - something like Scylla ever again but she just couldn't help it when it came to her.

Raelle couldn't help but fall in love with her, and what she'd been too impatient and sad to understand at first, what she thought was "long and boring", transformed itself through Scylla.

The rest of the song plays over the credits at the end of the episode (as we sit there trying to figure out wtf just happened). I think it just mostly reinforces what I already said, but it also deserves a mention for saying the book of love (love itself) created music, because that is adorable and very interesting for a show where music itself is their power and how witches can even do their work. It also alludes to how love (and raylla's love specially) can give you so much pain and be so incredible at the same time, when it says the songs that are written in this book can be transcendental or really dumb.

Again, a reference to being too young to understand, and I love the connotation that we can only learn from the book from the people who are meant to teach us. The "flowers and heart-shaped boxes", alluding to the gifts and mementos of a relationship, which we know Raylla have a few of... the battle charm, the S in Raelle's hand, now the picture.

And to finish off with that last verse, I will just have to leave you with the mental image of southern romantic gentlewoman Raelle singing this song and thinking about marrying Scylla, even when she knows she shouldn't, because she just can't help but love her still.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk

[themarauderstheoutsidersandpeggy]

So we all know how dallas died at the end because johnny died and he thought that johnny was the only one who loved him/ how he loved Johnny (platonicly)

Now idk if you ever watched banana fish its an anime, so if you haven't and want to then don't read the next part (if you do want to watch it look up the tws for it) if you don't care for spoilers then please keep reading

The main character ash dies at the end. He dies because he thinks that it would be better for enji so he wouldn't put him in danger. But also because he believes he isn't good enough for enji. So he dies.

They die for opposite reasons mostly

Dallas dies because he thinks Johnny was the only one who loved him who would love him. While ash dies because he loves enji and didn't want to put him in danger. But one thing they have in common is that they both didn't think they were goos enough to keep living. For both of them dying was for them peaceful.

Idk this was a dumb analysis I did on two very different pieces of media that do not relate to each other in the slightest but I thought was interesting.

i haven't watched it but i've read the original story 😭 it's obviously not incredibly similar but i'll definitely add it to my list of things to watch :D

as i haven't watched it, I can't offer much thought on that part of your analysis, but I agree with your analysis of Dallas's death. It was peaceful for him, even if he did it out of sadness, because he didn't have to worry about anything anymore, he wanted an out and he got one. I'm sure that he knew he'd die young, he was always purposefully getting into fights and causing trouble with the law (more on this later), and I have to assume that he knew he couldn't outrun his fate forever. Dallas sees the good of the world in Johnny, and doesn't in himself. He knew that if the last shred of goodness he saw in the world was gone, that he couldn't carry on anymore. He knew he couldn't contribute the same level of purity and goodness to the world, so he chose to take himself out of it. I think this has a lot to do with what I posted about earlier, about how he's not cold or unfeeling because he doesn't care, but that he's cold and unfeeling because he cares too much.

Clearly, something happened when he was living in New York, something big, and I think it was the first and only time he'd shown any sort of vulnerability. and it backfired on him. He didn't have the emotional support that he needed in that time, and therefore didn't have anyone telling him to get back up and dust himself off, as most of us do when we experience loss or trauma. So, because no one was there to help him through it, he didn't get through it. It hung over his head for the rest of his life, and he let it rule his entire personality. He stopped feeling things, because he never wanted to be as sad as he was that day/period of time ever again. self-preservation was the only way he could survive, but it wasn't out of genuine distaste for the world, it was just because he was so hurt by whatever happened to him while he was still developing, and decided to never feel that way again. I am a huge advocate for the idea that he's not an ass, he's just depressed. Now, of course, he acts like an ass, a lot, but I don't think that's all there is to him. His behavior, that self preservation and numbness is textbook depression, all he wanted was to never break again. Ponyboy observes Dallas as tough, but I perceive him as broken. You can't break something that's tough, but you also can't break what's already broken. He just manages to bury his feelings so deep inside of him that no one thinks they exist anymore, and maybe they don't.

this leads me to my next point, on how i think the only reason he got into all of the trouble that he did was to feel something. He'd shut off his emotions for so long, tried so hard to never feel sad again, that he couldn't come back from it. He went too far, instead of never feeling sadness again, he never felt anything again. He was truly numb, and he realized this, and desperately wanted to feel something again. Which is why I think he caused so much trouble. You can shut off your emotions, but you can't shut off your senses, and getting punched in the face is a hell of a way to feel something. if that was the only thing he could feel, it's no wonder that he sought it out so frequently. Of course he wanted to get kicked in the stomach, because it felt like something, and physical pain sucks, but if it's the only thing you're capable of feeling anymore, that's all you can do.

uh, thank you for coming to my ted talk, i could sit and analyze Dallas Winston for hours. Might just go and write an essay on it, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me! I really enjoyed reading and responding to this, I'll definitely check out Banana Fish :D <33

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

I don’t get you, CJ. Why are you so quick to throw around the term “bad writing” when you don’t agree with something? Why not simply chalk it up to having different likes or dislikes than other people and move on?

Instead of deconstructing characters you don’t like, why not use your platform to empower other voices and highlight others with different tastes or opinions than you? Different people notice different things about the games. That’s one of the nice things about fandom.

You clearly love writing and analysis, but when you post answers to asks that hold different opinions than you’re own, you often go “you’re valid, but…” and launch into paragraphs upon paragraphs of your opposite opinion rather than truly exploring theirs.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I think your blog and analyses would be stronger if rather than dismissing plot points or characters as “bad writing” you step outside yourself and ask others what they see in that writing since it’s not connecting with you.

To be fair, anon, I don't get me either.

But I hear you, so if you'll allow me to do the thing where I launch into paragraphs upon paragraphs, let's talk about this.

I assume this might've come about because of the recent Violet talk here? Or maybe it's from older posts, I dunno, you didn't specify so I can only speculate and use the Violet posts as the main example here.

So here's the thing... deconstructing characters and storylines is something I enjoy doing. Hell, it's one of my favorite things to do. It doesn't matter if I like or dislike the character, or if I agree with plot directions, or if I think it's "good" or "bad" writing. That's how I work things out for myself, how I try to understand why I'm feeling the way I am about certain characters and story elements. I break apart the different aspects of these things and analyze them so that I can improve the content I create and try to avoid the same mistakes I've come across that I wanted to be better.

When it comes to me tossing around "bad writing", or just implying it, I'm not trying to say that "bad writing = trash, garbage, unenjoyable, anyone who likes this is a dingus, how could you?" it's more "I see flaws here and I want it to be better, I know it can be better and it frustrates me that I can't fix it," y'know?

And I'm fully aware that other people might not see it that way. With that basketball Violet post, I know that a lot of the Violet crowd are gonna read that and be like "no, I love the bell tower scene! It fits well with her character! What are you talking about?" and that's fine, I expect that. That post was me writing something that's been on my mind that I wanted to share, it wasn't me trying to scold anyone for liking it or trying to dismiss their feelings about it.

When it comes to differing opinions, especially on Violet, I've come to the conclusion that we just gotta agree to disagree. I've tried for years at this point to understand the appeal of Violet and gone looking for answers about her in hopes of being enlightened, and I have asked around.

In the past, I have made posts inquiring about what people see in Violet [Minerva, too] and why they prefer Violentine, and I got little to nothing in response. So I totally get where you're coming from when you say I should ask others what they see in the writing that I don't, but there's only so much I can do when no one is willing to answer me. So, I have to look around myself.

I've searched through several threads on reddit and none of them have been insightful, unsurprisingly.

That's what sparked my mini-rant about Louis before. On reddit, a lot of the answers on why people like Violet are either "she sided with Clementine, she's just really sweet deep down, she has more trauma, and lesbian," or "I like Violet more because Louis is a traitor," and what the hell am I supposed to get out of that, y'know? They're not really telling me anything, they're just looking to argue among themselves and I've had to throw in the towel on that one.

I've had better luck here, having read some truly insightful posts about Violet, her arc, and her relationship with Clementine. The conclusion I've reached it that the things people find appealing about her are things that I don't.

If you need an example, we'll use the aftermath of Marlon's murder when Violet turns on the group to defend AJ. Every post from the Violet crowd I've read that talks about that scene praises her for turning against her friends/family to defend AJ when they were gonna attack him, it shows what she's willing to do for them, that's something that drew them to her. Then there's me, who sees that as adding unnecessary aggression to the situation when none of them were going to attack AJ, they weren't looking at AJ, and none of this is helping. Neither of these interpretations are wrong.

Guess what I'm trying to get at is I'm one person, and having discussions takes more than one willing person.

Moving on, "when you post answers to asks that hold different opinions than you’re own, you often go “you’re valid, but…” and launch into paragraphs upon paragraphs of your opposite opinion rather than truly exploring theirs."

I've thought about this for a while, and maybe I do actually do this but don't realize it. I like to think that I'm engaging with the ideas that people send me, but I dunno, maybe I can be dismissive of things because I have a hard time being objective. That's something I've always struggled with, and I'm sorry if I ever came across as dismissive or didn't fully explore ideas, that's something I can definitely get better at.

As for "why not use your platform to empower other voices and highlight others with different tastes or opinions than you? Different people notice different things about the games. That’s one of the nice things about fandom."

I've done character nights, ship nights, season nights, etc. for about two years, give or take. That's what those nights were about. Usually, I'd put up a poll and we'd all vote on what we wanted to discuss, and then the floor was open for anyone to give their input, and we'd discuss.

I stopped doing them a little while ago because I was burnt out on themed nights. Remembering to make new polls, setting aside part of my weekends to spend hours answering asks the best I could, usually dealing with other projects on top of it all.... it may not seem like it, but god, those nights took a lot out of me. I loved doing it! Having those discussions were some of the best parts of running this blog, but now my new job has me working 40+ hours a week, four days with ten hour shifts and occasionally some overtime on the weekends, I just don't have it in me anymore to do it every single weekend. Not with how tired I am and with all the other projects I'm working on.

That's why I've started testing the waters with these shorter posts of me throwing out ideas or going on mini-rants. They're something simple I can do with no pressure, just me with an empty document getting whatever's on my mind out... and it helps that it feels like my last fuck has just flown away to the heavens to weave itself into the boat god's beard like as he sails among the clouds and stars..... so now I'm gonna talk about whatever I want and the fact that it's my opinion is implied.

I'm sorry if I'm coming off as a little defensive with this part, I tend to get that way whenever people tell me what I should or shouldn't do with my blog, even if they're just trying to be helpful and I don't believe you have any ill intent with your message. I've had this blog for three years now, and I've always had people telling me I shouldn't do character analyses, I should stay in my lane, just write fanfics and do character nights. I should answer more asks otherwise people will think I don't care. I shouldn't write headcanon posts, that's what other blogs do and I'll be taking content away from them. I shouldn't write that one au I've always wanted to because I should be working on [with you]. I shouldn't write anything but [with you.] I shouldn't talk about Violet because I'm a Louis blog.

And that's dumb. All of that is dumb! No one owns the concept of headcanon posts or character analyses! Just like how I don't own the concept of character nights!

Again, my last fuck is lost in Kenny's beard, I don't have it anymore. I'm going to write and analyze whatever I want, when I want, and the best I can do is promise to be better. My inbox is open, I'll try to answer and engage with you guys when I can, I'll keep doing these posts where I ramble about whatever topic is on my mind, and I shouldn't have to put a disclaimer of "This is all my opinion and it's okay if you disagree, I'm not trying to invalidate you" because that's implied.

Before I close out this long response, I do wanna add a thank you for the ask, I do appreciate the constructive criticism. Usually anons that have any problem with me after I talk about Violet will just call me a piece of shit and tell me to delete my blog. Maybe this helped you, maybe it didn't, either way thanks :)

[scarfdyedshadow]

On the Decline of Mage Characterization in Ancillary Type-Moon Works (or On Magi Getting Flanderized Into One-Dimensional Evil Arrogant Sods) Part 1: The Matter of Magi Themselves

Yes, I am dumb enough and obsessed enough to basically write an entire essay on this. Yes, the title is pretentious as all hell.

A disclaimer before we start though, this is not directed at or meant to condemn or call out or mock or invalidate the many a Tumblr shitpost on evil arrogant magi getting owned by Guda or various other characters. It may not be humor personally up my alley, but I understand the appeal, and it’s not like there isn’t some grain of truth to them. Likewise this isn’t meant to in any way condone anything Nasuverse magi. A fair amount of them are evil regardless of mitigating circumstances, a lot of the ones that aren’t outright evil have capacity to be evil because of ethos and mindset, and the acts they commit are certainly evil. I am not condoning them, or dismissing them as not evil. I simply urge a more nuanced rather than simplistic analysis of that evil. This also unfortunately omits Mahoyo, which probably has quite a bit of insight, because I haven’t gotten around to reading it yet, thus rendering me a fake fan you should not listen to. Thank you for your consideration. Also, spoilers.

This first part is primarily concerned with the inhumanity of magi and misconceptions about magi and their ethos as a whole, while the next part will actually go into the history of magus villains in Type-Moon works and what I feel is their decline, and build upon and further points of this part. There may be a potential third part on the Crypters, Gordolf, and Olga, the modern faces of Nasuverse magi and the greatest illustration that magi are far more nuanced, complex, pitiful and yet admirable, than they aren’t, and Nasu’s thesis statement on the power of love and life.

(Note: Okay my theme is actually pretty eyesearing to the point I recommend you read this on dash, I’ll go get it fixed)

"Do you know what it is that magi are aiming for?"

After a moment of blankness, Gray replied with a difficult expression.

"Umm...I heard about it in class. What was it...the Spiral of Origin?"

"Right. The Spiral of Origin, or more simply the Root. Sometimes it's referred to as「 」, the thing for which there can be no reference. It is the source of everything, the 'zero' from which all matter and phenomena flow. Ah, but now that I'm trying to put it into words, I'm realizing that's not a good idea. After all, even the idea of 'zero' has baggage that makes it unsuitable as a comparison."

"Regardless, the goal of magi is to eventually reach that place. Of course, there are also those who simply derive pleasure from touching the supernatural, or from being superhuman. Because we are weak, we fall to that diversion. But in the end, that's not our ultimate goal."

For modern magi, most understood that reaching the root was something that just wasn't possible for them. After all, even though magecraft itself had been in a state of continuing decline since the Age of Gods, there were no reports of anyone facing that past and trying to return to it. Likely, the appearance in the Far East of the fifth - and often called the last - Magician was the same as the gate to the Root being all but closed to everyone else.

Even so, we didn't give up.

Anyone who would give up in a situation like this would never have become a magus to begin with.

Ironically enough, despite opening up with a quote from Lord El-Melloi II Case Files, which I’ll have some critique for, the crux of my thesis is this. As originally presented in Kara no Kyoukai, and generally only kept up to a meaningful degree in other Nasu written works like Stay Night, Clock Tower 2015, and Grand Order, magi were the piteous, tragic, inhuman not as in inhumane but as in a broken machine product of an impossible ideal and a broken system. They were the villains, yes, unambiguously so, but at the same time they were sympathetic and nuanced to an extent that would decline down the road.

You see, Araya. A mage always lives hurriedly. What for? If it was for themselves alone they wouldn't bother with the outside world. So why do they intrude upon the rest of the world? Why do they rely upon it? What will they achieve with that power? What will they save with the Ars Magna (Ars Magna: Meaning 'great secret technique', it stands not for a technique that is not learnt through study but for a mystery that is secretly passed down)? If that was the case it would have been better for them to become a king instead of a mage.

You think people live foully, but you yourself would not be able to live like that. You would not be able to live while accepting the fact that you know that everything is worthless and base. You would not be able to live without the pride of knowing that you alone are special, and that you alone can save this crumbling world. Of course, I was like that too. But that sort of thing has no meaning. --- Accept it, Araya. We chose the path of transcendence called magecraft because we are weaker than everybody else.

Magi were presented as absurd, as farcical, as maddeningly helpless and hopeless compared to those living normal lives. This will come up in Part 2, especially as pertains to Touko and Gordolf and the like, but normal everyday life, not superior thematic superpowers or an army of Servants, is what is truly far more powerful than any magi.

"... I'll just ask one thing. What do you mean when you say that secrets are kept even within that Association?"

Unexpectedly, I hear something from the sofa.

Over there is Shiki, who has been sitting there since before without a word. She's the type of person who doesn't get involved in a conversation that she's not interested in, so until now she had been staring at the scenery outside the window.

"--- There is that. A mage won't reveal the results of his experiments even within the Association. What the person next to them is researching, what their goals are, and what they have obtained are all a mystery. The only time a mage will reveal the results of their work is when they are passing it on to their descendants just before they die."

"Studying for their benefit alone, yet not using that power for their own sake? What purpose is there in a life like that, Touko? Is it that the goal is to learn, and the process is to learn too? If the only things you have are the beginning and the end, that's the same as having a zero."

Their pursuit for the truth is maddening. It is greedy yet at once devoid of greed. It is selfish yet at once devoid of selfishness. Their ethos and methodology are not fundamentally inhumane, but inhuman. Magi are an odd sort of creature indeed, and it isn’t the case that they’re all evil in their absurd quest. Indeed, virtually all early Nasuverse ancillary material, and this is still said today despite the opposite being true in practice, is that the vast majority of magi are shut ins who stay inside researching as opposed to eating babies.

The everyday life of a magus is mostly spent conducting research. Magi who use magic outside of a research capacity, such as those who use magi to work and profit for themselves, are few in number. People who treat magic as a tool, such as assassins, are called “spellcasters”, and are looked down upon with disdain by the magical establishment.

Furthermore, it is precisely because they are magi that few magi use magic in their daily lives.

Practically speaking, for every mage you see committing mass murder or fighting the mass murdering mage with superpowers, there are ten who we certainly can’t call conventionally moral, who we certainly can’t call normal humans, obsessively striving towards a seemingly impossible goal inhumanly but not inhumanely. Because Type-Moon does action series this has never been tenable to properly depict besides the minority, but it is the truth regardless. This is from a later work I actually have some measure of criticism for, but Strange Fake actually illustrates that point perfectly.

"A mage's mage," he muttered disgustedly to himself, eyes narrowed, "is no different from a hard-working corrupt politician." What about me? He wondered as soon as the words were out of his mouth. As long as corruption stayed hidden, it was difficult for the public to tell the difference between a corrupt politician and an honest one. In which case, mages, who never entered the public eye to begin with, probably ought to be lumped in with them. There were exceptions, but from the standpoint of the general public, mages were generally evil.

Other Nasu written works like Stay Night and Clock Tower 2015 also touch upon it.

Magic is just what it sounds like… magic. I don't care if you get ideas like abracadabra or whatever. You can just think of us as people who do strange things by casting spells. Oh, though it's not like we fly around on brooms or make stars appear with a wave of a wand. …Well, we could do that, but we don't bother as it's kind of meaningless. We're basically heretics who hide ourselves from the world. We're prohibited from standing out and even if we weren't, we would rather be at home studying magic.

Clock Tower 2015 especially hits it up by depicting what might be called the ideal magus, the point of being a magus that is often distorted by human concerns but that all of them are to some extent, not an inhumane monster but an inhuman man who has dedicated his life to magecraft.

"Ahhh, the life of a magus is so brief. It would have been great if I were born with just the brain and nothing else." Like what you just saw, Leiv was a pure academic magus. All his efforts were poured solely into his theory and magecraft. He cared naught of any other responsibilities, the application of his magecraft, his lineage, or building his faction. From Leiv's perspective, those magi were the same as the plebians that were "normal people". If one were to decipher the mystical, then he must sacrifice his humanity. A magus was a creature with nothing but magecraft on his mind. There was no room for burdens such as "life".

So to begin with, what we call magi are far from all arrogant murderous sods, and if anything arrogant murderous sods are the minority. They come in all manner of varieties, united simply by the pursuit of the impossible, by the desire to reach the truth, by the desire to transcend. Even more so than just that, they do have their values and ethics. They are often cruelly distorted, to the extent “magi parents” is a phrase that might as well be an oxymoron, but I would opine that as a product more of recent years than anything.

"Keep those for me. They are some awful cigarettes from Taiwan but I only have those now. Of course there isn't any company that made them, it's a famous item that some eccentric master made only one box of. Yeah, out of all my possessions that is the second most valuable thing I have." Leaving behind some strange words, she turned around and walked out. ... Perhaps her most valuable possession is herself, that kind of thought popped into my mind so I asked her, but she only turned back her head and answered. "That's rather rude. I know it's me but even I don't treat people like possessions." Like herself when she has her glasses on, she pouts as if she's sulking. And then, returning to her usual cool expression Touko-san continued talking. "Kokuto. Those people called mages, with an apprentice or other people they are close to they feel like parents. Since they are something like their offspring, they often fight desperately to protect them as well. ... Well, it's like that so relax and wait here. I'll bring Shiki back tonight." Thock thock, the sound of her walking away. Unable to say anything to her back, I let the brown-coated magician go.

That magi value their children, their apprentices, their legacies, even if only as a next step on the path to the Root, is also a truth echoed at the same time that it’s often contradicted. But then, magi are in of themselves contradictory creatures. After all, despite pursuing an inhuman ideal, despite throwing away their humanity, they themselves are still human. That contradiction between reality and ideals, best exemplified by Fate/Stay Night, is one of the themes at the heart of Nasu’s work.

So, to repeat it once more, magi as a whole, magi society as a whole, is not fundamentally inhumane but inhuman. That inhumanity often lends itself to the inhumane, but not necessarily, and indeed I opine that should be considered on a deeper level. That inhuman society is by no means a good thing, but to simply call it evil and magi evil and call it a day is to do a disservice to its nuance. There are arrogant murderous magi as well, sure, but they too are products of a tenacious ideal, they are the long shadow cast by lineages stretching for thousands of years.

In reality, what really forged the magus of the modern day was not a supernatural power or transcendent conscience, but a tenacity built and reinforced over generations. Clinging to a shadowed, intense ideology for hundreds, or in some cases even thousands of years, developed its own sort of extreme power. Even if science were to exceed magecraft in all other respects, as long as that ideal survived, magecraft itself would be ineradicable.

But what then of Souren Araya? What of that bastard Zouken and worst dad of the year Tokiomi and that arrogant asshole Kayneth? Rest well assured that I will cover them in exacting detail in the next part of whatever the hell this is, and everything I say about them will build upon this. That may seem contradictory, since this part is mostly devoted to showing that magi are far more than just evil sods, but believe it or not Kayneth is going to be mightily relevant to how pitifully weak magi in truth are, and Tokiomi is going to be relevant to how magi value their children in ways that don’t have to be inhumane, but can be inhuman. Until next time, all I can ask is to consider that while magi are indeed monsters, monsters really can be quite interesting creatures.

Things in this world were all like that.

It wasn’t limited to magecraft. It wasn’t limited to those beyond humans (monsters). In a world of common sense (the obvious), it was something everyone understood.

If you said that misunderstandings, miscommunications, disagreements, and false understandings are what connected them, then...

“We are misrecognition. Our world itself is misunderstanding. We can experience a multitude of truths, not just one single reality. No matter how wise you are, or how much time you are given, you will never reach something like a single truth. Magi may just be those who continually reject that fact.”

Speaking as if in self-deprecation, my master had pursed his lips at that.

He had finally realized that his words and the objective that all Magi pursued, known as the “Spiral of Origin,” were in contradiction.

Sources: Lord El-Melloi Case Files (TL by TwilightsCall), Kara no Kyoukai (TL on baka-tsuki), Fate/Stay Night (TL Mirror Moon), Clock Tower 2015 (TL by food), Fate/Strange Fake (TL by OtherSideOfSky)

[ranvwoop]

TALK ABOUT AMERICAN HEALTHCARE I HAVE AN IDEA OF WHY IT'S THERE BUT I WANNA HEAR THE EXPLANATION ALSO THE ONLY HOUSE THAT"S NOT ON FIRE (YET) FOR THE SAME REASON I JUST WANNA SEE THE ANALYSIS:TM: IF U WANT I WANNA SEE IF I GOT IT RIGHT :D

Hi :DDD. Thank u for asking,,,, I have many thoughts. I am sorry in advance. This is one of those things I will put under a readmore because I am into rambling. IT GOT A LOT LONGER THAN ANTICIPATED IM SORRY. Like. a lot. It was 4 pages in google docs because i dont trust tumblr to save my drafts

Okay a lot of my Ranboo thoughts are about the syndicate / boreal trio / peerpressure duo. But you’re probably aware I am a Them enthusiast first and both a dsmp enjoyer and person second. Because. I really like the syndicate. I also don’t have too too many thoughts on the more recent lore past the experiments. Once the in character monologues stopped, so did my brain. I communicate through monologue to monologue communication.

American Healthcare is actually gonna be the main reason why this is so long bc it works Very Much for like three different reasons. One sorta niche and abstracter reason is a stream that was basically never elaborated on back in March, either the day after or very close to the peerpressure Egg confrontation stream. The egg called him a coward (for some reason my brain can Only come up with the “stop saying i look like chicken little. he’s dumb, and a coward, and i am NOT a coward” vine), and he is not a coward, so he decided to make an action plan to bring the server together by acting as a mediator for all parties and try to make sure that everyone is happy, because he’s the only one that can see all sides, or something. This was where he said the big happy family™ line but other than Ranboo Become Dream?? analysis nothing else really happened and everything went along as normal.

(I also always held a little bit of suspicion on this stream actually and thought it might be the influence of the egg, because it says it can give one whatever they want, and ranboo wants to make everyone happy and this was a totally foolproof way of doing that. Sort of in a similar way that BBH is convinced that his plan will totally make Skeppy happy. But also Ranboo is just like that, but this felt a little more on the nose than usual and he did fall into the egg and made his decisions after being egged on by it, buT WE’LL NEVER KNOW, WILL WE?

… also I really wanted to see more egg conflict at the time. Peerpressure rlly got involved in the egg plot for cameos at the banquet and nothing else. I do not blame anyone and respect the ccs for all of their attempts to weave plots together but also. also…. we.. we coulda had so much…)

That was a little off topic from the point, but… he really just thinks he can save the sick… he can see that everyone on the server is unwell and is wrong but, y’know, look inwardly, the unwell is coming from inside the house. And an inherent problem of the way that the server runs. And if this is still lowkey in effect or not (idk man a) ranboo has monologued a lot I simply chose a one off from march to grow emotionally attached to and b) i think that my brain has shut off once ranboo stopped solo lore streams), it would probably go the way that most choosing to change the system from the inside goes. Which is the point of the song and stuff! He will inevitably decide what’s too far, whether he will either admit it’s a choice or just feel that it’s what he has to do. The, uh, dealing with the devil, to be polite.

in conclusion (but we are not close to done here i’m holding you for a bit longer), i think a lot about that stream and i think that shows what he wants to be, at the very least, and continuing down that path would definitely go into being far more trouble than just a noble goal of wanting to help people, from negotiating with corruption (The lobbyists, the Congressmen and lies bit) and that the server can’t really be brought together and saved like that (When things are more and more this way / Sometimes it's like they'd rather die)

THE LESS. vwoop why have you written an unnecessarily long post about one stream in your playlist character analysis reason is both more literal and piece by piece and also Syndicate, My Beloved, you know the drill. We are going line by line because I have a lot of feelings about American Healthcare, apparently.

This also comes back to that everyone on the server is doing Really Badly, all of the time, but mostly his time in L’Manburg. For one, he is pretty complacent in everything and doesn’t really accomplish much in terms of actual change, so like Well people die every day / I wouldn't have it any other way / I just think they should feel good while they are alive. An example of this is Exiled Tommy — who I’d also metaphorically put as the dead man just for funsies, since Tommy’s whole exile thing was one of the first things Ranboo experienced on the server—as he did try to be friends with Tommy and keep him company with his letters, but he still has no power over the actual issue at hand. Just trying to make it a bit more bearable. Similarly is Techno, while Ranboo still participated in the butcher army that was trying to kill him, he helped in the meantime until he “died”.

And then it’s the Realization that participating in the system doesn’t really help much, and the subsequent Everything. It could be getting mad at the whole government system and that he didn’t mean to contribute to the harm, or how he fought with Fundy using hs ideology but not in the way that Ranboo thought. It could also be standing up to his hallucination Dream, in that he doesn’t try this hard to be a good person just to be accused of helping with all of the things that he may or may not have helped with. (That is… a discussion for not right now, I don’t know.) And I think this sort of area is also where it’s like they’d rather die is also relevant, cause Doomsday. Nobody could just set aside their governments and just get along, though Ranboo had his own solution to fighting and things.

And then he joins the Syndicate! And the lyrics of the song are directly Government Bad, because government bad. Canon anarchist, has done things that he’s not proud of as a part of the government. The lines it was the government / … It got louder over the years / Until all that I could hear was flies and all.

But honestly I think in the Syndicate he’s still trying to “save the sick”! Because the Syndicate don’t All fit eye to eye either. He’s the token pacifist, and a vote against violence whenever it comes down to it. Not all anarchists are violent but Techno and Phil will probably react strongly when provoked, due to All the past events, and I live in a world where their trauma and issues get talked about as much as everyone else’s. Since everything is decided by vote it’d probably be split between them and Ranboo + Niki, who is in her healing/no longer resorting to murder arc. He’ll help them negotiate and then everything will Be Okay, ideally.

(Also I just like the idea of Ranboo believing that he is helping the people he’s living with because canonically cc!Ranboo has said he just really cares about his family and the syndicate are included in his family shut up but they also just believe they’re helping him and yes it’s self indulgent. I care them. Particularly Endduo, actually, or whatever they're called, I am not bold enough to think Ranboo looks at Techno and thinks I Can Fix Him, but. Philza Minecraft will one day talk about his feelings. One day.)

There’s also radioduo and beeduo as of recent— really I’m just saying I think that Ranboo constantly has a Need To Help People, believes he can do it, and it will come back to hurt him in the end (except for the Syndicate because I’m in denial. The Syndicate can’t fall out if they never stream together :) ).

THIS CONCLUDES THE AMERICAN HEALTHCARE PORTION OF OUR SHOW.

The Only House That’s Not on Fire Yet !! I like this one. This is also blatantly there cause Syndicate. They are the only faction that is not actively falling apart, and this could absolutely be because they never stream together. But I do not care. However we are also going to go through this one piece by piece because we’re nearing 1500 words here and I might as well embarrass myself more. I am writing an incredibly informal essay about Ranboo My _Beloved (i assume his middle name is My, and he’s just one of those people who write his full full name) and this is the third page. If you’re still reading this, I’m sorry. Here we go.

There are lines that just seem like an unwell but recovering person, and I like to sort of think that way about Ranboo in the arctic during the down time. “I feel knotted up today / But in a most exquisite way” and “I feel strangely regular / But honestly I prefer it to / The usual bizarre” are just! He’s just hanging out. He’s doing good. There is the acknowledgement that he’s usually not doing well, and all of the episodes that he’s had in the past, and it’s probably strange to be doing well in the midst of everything, and there’s probably something impending, but now? He’s doing good!

The verses directly after both of those ones are about uncertainty and trust and such, and I feel like that’s not necessarily about just One relationship but all of them. Will cause problems as long as he has an accomplice. He is not confident but he trusts and loves people.

“This suit doesn’t fit me / I made it conterfeitly” I just like to think about Ranboo in his fancy suit, but it’s just a little wrong because he actually has no idea what he’s doing. I also like to think about Ranboo in a cape to fit in with boreal trio and later the syndicate, and emerald duo had matchy blue outfits from the Antarctic Empire… and trying to fit in with them…. or maybe They make him something.. You know. Much to think about.

“Killing me with déjà vu” I think is like. A little less fun, because despite how well things are going, the enderwalk is still not resolved and he had even less answers when I started thinking “this is a ranboo song”. Just as it relates to having a strange sense of reality and stuff, which goes into specifics of enderwalk headcanons, which would make this far longer. Even though I’ve framed it as a negative, there is also the more positive note of “Oh! I just thought of how to change all the hate / Into love with the old switcheroo / Dancing in my déjà vu / You'll be dancing too” which I’d rather explain broken up but I feel like as it’s a full verse it should be together. The first part is connected to my general thoughts of him explained earlier tbh, he’s trying Very Hard to make everyone happy and fix things. And adding the second part to it is just like! He is trying to make sense of everything, and it’s not so scary as time goes by. Since the experiments where he’s been (questionably) trying to be more comfortable and get more answers.

This was very long. I am sorry. I am ending it here and probably not going to do much formatting to make it readable because it is very late o’clock and also this is four pages and 2000 words I am so sorry. But if you read this far then. Uhhh thank. ^v^.

[bookcoversalt]

A+ youtube video! I feel like this is a dumb question, but what other sources, exercises, etc would you suggest for a writer wanting to get better at, like, everything you do in that video? I feel like I'm just not intelligent when it comes to writing and reading. I slap down whatever seems fun and I'm sure it makes for a bland story full of stupid plot holes and everything you talked about, so how does one get better at dissecting this stuff and...writing/reading intelligently?

Thank you so much!! There’s a tendency to consider analytical people just “smart”, as if the observations they make come naturally to them. But that super isn’t true: being thoughtful and critical about media, like drawing or writing or playing a sport or learning an instrument, is a skill that you pick up by absorbing reference, learning the language of the art form, and then practicing replicating it through your own perspective.

ABSORBING REFERENCE

My two biggest critical inspirations are Lindsay Ellis, a video essayist who covers film and culture, and Film Crit Hulk, a screenwriter and movie critic, and I’ve been consuming their work since I was 15. (I’m 25 now! that’s a wholeass decade.) I've picked up many, may other sources along the way: other video essayists, pop culture commentators, TV critics, spirited roasts of 50 shades of gray, actual “writing craft” books and blog articles, long goodreads reviews of books I thought I had a pretty good grasp of the flaws on, funny booktube reviews, even “anti” posts. I read “how the last season of game of thrones went the fuck off the rails” articles til my eyes bled, not because I cared about game of thrones, but because there was so much good, insightful reporting being done on How And Why A Story Fell Apart.

LEARNING THE LANGUAGE

Not all of this is good or useful. There’s a lot of bad faith or shallow criticism out there. The cinemasins clickbaity style of nitpicking “plot holes” or penalizing a work for the mere presence of tropes without regard for broader artistic intent and cultural context is particularly insidious and should die. The people who think twilight is stupid because it has sparkly vampires are missing the point. A LOT of people critique YA in particular from a place of bitterness or bias or misplaced expectations (and so did I, to some degree, for a long time. I’ve worked really hard to grow out of that, I hope). But the point is to seek out content in this vein-- not what I consumed necessarily (I would not wish that many GOT thinkpieces on anyone), but stuff that interests you. The more of this you mindfully consume and the more perspectives you collect and compare, the more context you’ll have for what’s being discussed and the more you'll naturally start to form your own opinions on it. You will learn, slowly, by osmosis, to pull what strikes a chord with you from the noise.

REPLICATING IT THROUGH YOUR OWN PERSPECTIVE

The cool and fun part is that to some extent, your brain will start doing this on its own. You’ll read a book and you'll just notice more. You’ll call plot twists faster, or be more cognizant of the pacing, or connect dots you might not have otherwise connected. You’ll see the logistic scaffolding in your own work more clearly and you’ll be more aware of choices you’re making subconsciously. You’ll recognize thematic hypocrisy or worldbuilding inconsistencies and have the language to name them.

And you’ll also have the tools to explore your less clear-cut, more emotional reactions to art. And this is the most important but “hardest” part of this: sitting with vague feelings and unformed thoughts trying to suss out what’s at the heart of them and why, using your hard-won critical “training” and your contextual knowledge.

I like to frame them as questions:

Why did the end of [book] feel disjointed? Why didn’t I connect with the main character in [book]? What really resonated with me about the plot of [book]? Why does [character] appeal to me more than [other character]? Why does [book]’s use of [theme] make me uncomfortable?

Sometimes it comes down to just preference or subjective taste, and that’s fine and good to know. But more often than not, you’re reacting to something concrete that can be identified: 

The ending of HOUSE OF SALT AND SORROWS feels disjointed because it comes out of nowhere and has nothing to do with our heroine’s efforts in the larger story. I didn’t connect with the main character in HEARTLESS because within the context of the worldbuilding, her choices didn’t make sense. What really resonated with me about the plot of UPROOTED is its thematic coherency. The Darkling appeals to me more than Mal because the villain romance power fantasy aspect of the series is better fleshed out and ultimately more rewarding to read than the love story of two flawed teenagers. ACOWAR’s use of trauma and recovery makes me uncomfortable because it ceases to be a sincere element of anyone’s arc or characterization and becomes yet another tool to make Rhys look like the best and coolest and wokest fae boyfriend.

Pulled from an old Captain Awkward article, this is something I have in a sticky note on my desktop as sort of a criticism guide: 

One of the things we try to do is to push past “I liked it”/”I didn’t like it” as reactions to work. What is it? What is it trying to be? Is it good at being that thing? Was that a good thing to try to be in the first place? Did the artist have a specific agenda? How did it play with audiences at the time? Does it play the same way now? What stereotypes does it reinforce/undermine?

Even if it’s only for your own personal growth rather than intended for an audience, I recommend putting burgeoning critical thoughts or questions you’re trying to “work through” down in writing somewhere: goodreads reviews! tweets! blog posts! spamming your group chat! Even just a private word document. The synthesis of thoughts into written content forces you to identify and choose a specific articulation of your idea(s). If it’s in a pubic or semipublic forum, you’ll also be able to see which of your ideas resonate with other people, and that can (isn’t always, but CAN) be useful information as far as having an external barometer for when you’re onto something.

And then..... you do that a bunch of times in different ways for many years, with a lot of different books and movies and games and whatever else. Like any other skill, you will get better the more you do it. (Again: I have been doing this for ten years now, and it still took me three months to write that video script. Forming nuanced, informed opinions and then articulating them coherently is hard.)

As kind of a footnote tip, seek out peers who have the same goals and feelings, and try to connect with them! Lots of my current internet friends found me back when I was posting on my personal blog about problems i had with THE SELECTION or RED QUEEN and we bonded over having similar opinions and being in similar places in our writing/ reading/ careers. These people now beta read my scripts and posts and help me brainstorm or refine ideas. I strongly believe that creatives (and critics) do their best work and grow the most within a network of support and feedback.

But also, in regards to creative writing in particular, i want to be clear that having fun is the most important thing. I absolutely think creators need analytical skills to improve their craft, but without the enjoyment of doing the thing at the core of it, there is no craft at all. If you have to choose between the "smart” thing and the fun thing, choose the fun thing. Tbh, if you’re worried your work is bland, analysis probably isn’t the solution--  figuring out how to have more fun is the solution. And letting yourself lean into the stuff that’s wild and awesome and so incredibly you that it sets you on fire to write is a skill of its own :)

[chainofclovers]

hey! so I recently re-read some of your DWP stuff. this time, just like always, I tried to pinpoint exactly what it is that I love about your work. I wasn't ever successful until today and I just thought it might be cool to share it with you. wtf a I talking about? here's a bit of context. when I engage with art my primary focus is on how it makes me feel. most times I what/why but some of your stuff I've read 12+ times and it's always FEELS but which ones??? (1/3)

anyway, today I read just a little bit of the first installment of the legible series and it finally hit me. (I hope this makes sense t b h. I've spent a DUMB amount of time on media analysis so I'm sort of programmed to express certain shit a certain way) so, your work has a sort of ephemirality that i generally associate with speech. not in the fleeting way but in the way that words sort of disappear once they are spoken but they can still leave traces of themselves behind. (2/3)

everytime I read your stuff it feels like how a great live performance or a super dope conversation feels. precious but fleeting because you know there's no way to hold onto it all. you may have guessed who this is by now. i just didn't want to look like a 🤡 if this is pure nonsense lol. plausible deniability ftw! (3/3)

Hi, Anon! I was gonna answer this privately but duh, I can’t (because you are anonymous). Thank you SO MUCH for these extremely kind asks. Sorry if I am being dense but I have no idea who you are. 😅 I mean, probably a tumblr mutual but I have no idea which! :D :D :D

It really means a lot to me that you would take the time to send me this feedback and that you have spent that much time with my writing in general! The DWP days were such a special fandom time for me (and I know the DWP days have very much continued, of course...what an amazing fandom!). It’s really cool to hear that my stories evoke that feeling of having a meaningful in-person experience like a performance or conversation. With those characters--especially Miranda--it was always really important to me to explore what it would be like for her to have those types of meaningful interactions...maybe for the first time ever, maybe for a the first time in a long while. When I think about successful people, I think some of them are people who close themselves off and pursue what they want with tunnel vision, and others are people who open themselves up to the world and give and take from it whatever they can. Miranda is definitely in that former category whereas Andy is in the latter, and I always thought of Miranda as this person who didn’t ever think it would be possible for her to give and receive generosity in a way that leaves her open to the world. And when it does happen, it feels precious and ephemeral and a little crazy. It sounds like the mood of that is coming through for you in the stories, for which I am extremely glad.

(Also, for the record, I would never think anyone saying such lovely and thoughtful things like you have could look like a clown for doing so! Take care and have a wonderful day. ❤️)

[readyforsomeslapstick]

what do you think about the baby's ( gaetano ) death ?

*TAKES A VERY DEEP BREATH, FOR A VERY LONG REPLY*

Okay, so I’ve had a week to think about this, and I have thought about this in phases. With that in mind, let’s start from the beginning, shall we?

REACTION #1: I was grief stricken--and I also felt like an idiot. 

The episode had some extremely Gaetano-centric moments, which I of course ADORED. This episode really humanized Gaetano for us. Sure he’s a sociopath, sure he’s violent and cruel, but he’s also still human. This episode gave us that. 

And I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN that this meant he would die; it’s a typical Fargo trick. And yet, when Gaetano shot Odis I let out this huge sigh of relief. I even remember saying out loud to the TV, “Oh, thank God.” 

And I was already formulating the future in my head. “So, Gaetano makes it to the final episode, I’m sure he’ll die then though, so I wonder how--”

THEN BAM. He trips, and falls, and he shoots himself. And the sound I made--a mix of a groan, and a gasp, and a squeal all at the same time. I scared my dogs. I will admit, I had tears in my eyes. My reaction was Josto’s reaction. 

And I remember sitting back in my seat and thinking to myself, “Well. Guess I don’t care what happens to anyone in this show now.” But, of course, I didn’t change the channel because...it’s Fargo. Gotta see how it ends!!

(Also, during the 4x11 promo I remembered I’m emotionally invested in Violante, too, and seems like he gets some major screen time so...yay!)

REACTION #2: Monday or Tuesday, I started to find it a little funny. 

I mean, there is undoubtedly humor in how he goes. Haven’t we all been joking on this very blog about his adorable, pool noodle brain? 

The man is not a genius by any stretch of the imagination. He’s clumsy, and goofy, and at times clownish. 

How fitting is it that Gaetano trips over his own feet, or the curb, and tries to break his fall with his gun and then shoots himself. 

I can’t think of the last time there was a more Fargo-ish death. And if I didn’t like Gaetano so friggin’ much, I might have even laughed.

(All of that said, I would argue that in 4x10 we actually see some of the shadows of what a thoughtful Gaetano might be. As Josto’s confidante, he advises the boss--maybe even more than Violante at this point. Josto may be the one coming up with the plans, but Gaetano is steering him on which plans to follow and which plans are dumb. 

(And that scene with Gaetano, Josto, Violante and the New York goon? Gaetano is constantly watching our New York man. He knows the criticality of what’s going on. He’s trying to make Josto look good in front of the man reporting back to the real bosses. 

(And I STILL wonder how much of this Gaetano and Violante already discussed, because they were pretty chummy in 4x08 just before Gaetano wiped the floor with Josto...)

REACTION #3: Wednesday, I started to get a little sad again.

I know one person IRL who watches Fargo, and that person detests Gaetano. And of course their reaction was, “I’m glad he’s dead. That death was great.”

Additionally, what little commentary I saw online (outside of this blog and you lovely people) was different flavors of this same reaction. People were glad Gaetano was dead, and they thought his death was hilarious. 

I wasn’t hearing any chatter about the revelations we saw in his character, about what Gaetano’s death means for the rest of the plot and characters, or anything. People just seemed glad my son had accidentally killed himself. 

If you all can’t tell by now, I am a sucker for analysis and discussion in media. And for a person like me, when you don’t get that analysis and discussion and instead you just feel inundated by a single opinion (specifically negative)? 

Well, that gets tiring after a while, and it brings my/your mood down. 

(For the record, people are entitled to their own opinion and I’m glad they say, think, feel whatever they want. It’s not hurting anyone. I was just sad.) 

REACTION #4: Friday (yesterday), I found Salvatore Esposito’s interview, and it healed me. If you haven’t read this yet, read it now.

From the headline (“‘Fargo’ star Salvatore Esposito dishes on Gaetano’s ‘poetic’ reckoning”), I expected it to be another version of what I was hearing in REACTION #3 above. Essentially, “Haha, he’s a clown and it’s funny.”

But Salvatore’s commentary about what we learn about Gaetano in 4x10, about why Gaetano’s death is fitting, about the poetry of it...this is what I needed. 

There are so many gems in this article, but this was my favorite: “I think there’s something poetic in the fact that only Gaetano can kill Gaetano.”

He is spot on. In the land of Taking & Killing, isn’t Gaetano king? So who could possibly kill Gaetano? Only himself. This alone puts me at peace. 

And it got me reflecting on past moments in the season with Gaetano, and how we see Gaetano attempting to project this graceful and cultured facade...and I remembered the moment when he slips on the ice? I call that foreshadowing.

And while I’m still so sad Gaetano died, I knew it was inevitable. And I’m just glad that we got some really hilarious and insightful and borderline beautiful moments with Gaetano before he went. I’m glad Gaetano was a character at all!

IN SUMMARY: His death put me on a roller coaster of emotions, but I am now prepared to go into 4x11 a free-spirited person. 

Not only that, but I’m just grateful for Salvatore Esposito. For his depiction of Gaetano and what he brought to the role, but also for his insight into the portrayal of Gaetano and what he sees in the character that is terrible and horrible and all of those other ugly things--but is also human, and has human qualities, and deserves that serious and human representation. 

P.S. 10 points to your house for calling him baby. RIP our son. 😭

[fandom-meanderer]

Beauty and the... [Pt. 6]

Pairing: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd x Reader, Sylvain Jose Gautier x Reader, Felix Hugo Fraldarius x Reader

Part: (6/?) [First] [Previous] [Next]

Genre: Romance, Drama

Fandom: Fire Emblem Three Houses

P.o.V.: 2nd

Word Count: 2,584 Words

Warnings: Language

Further Notes: And the long awaited chapter is here! Four chapters after this are left, are you ready?

You watched Sylvain from across the room. You had told Mercedes, who came to check up on you, that you weren’t feeling too well that day and was going to skip classes earlier today and she simply agreed and wished you a happy rest. None of the other Lions were particularly concerned about Sylvain’s absence, it wouldn’t have been the first time this semester when it occurred after all. But now that your hands were free from their snares, your mind wandered back to the night before only more often, and it drove you insane.

What did he mean by that?

Well, of course you knew. It wasn’t the first time you’ve heard him say it, but for some reason it felt different. You weren’t dense. You knew that boy caught feelings for you, and he caught them hard. But you truly didn’t feel the same—

Wait, actually?

You relaxed in your seat in the classroom and watched him yammer on to Felix. Would being in a relationship with Sylvain be that bad? Then you watched as another female student blew him a kiss, to which he winked back at her as if it was just a reflex and you scoffed to yourself.

“What was I even thinking?” You rolled your eyes and opened your book. But some strange thought compelled you for a moment and you shut your book and looked back to who you thought was your older brother figure and your best friend and huffed slightly. “Well…”

You knew Sylvain, you knew him well. If you looked past the obvious flirt, he’s actually a very deep person with very deep insecurities. He’s a lot smarter than people chalk him up to be, and truthfully you don’t think he’s be a bad boyfriend, but he would have to be as hooked to you as you are to him, otherwise you’re just set up for heartbreak.

Now you know Sylvain’s got it bad for you, you didn’t miss the way he blushed, you just elected to ignore it, but at the same time that’s just Sylvain. He gets hooked on one girl, then it dies out like a flame in the rain. You’re very close with him, that much is fact, and you’re really not sure if risking your near sixteen years of friendship is worth a relationship. But there lies the possibility that he is that infatuated with you, but now it’s the argument of is it love or is it infatuation, because both are two very different things, to your understanding. If you were to ask him, truth be told, he’d probably say they’re the same thing.

Now for a brief lesson on the whims of love, as presented by Professor Byleth to his colleagues. The origin of ‘Love’ and the origin of ‘Infatuation’ do stem from the same roots, they start in the heart, but it is where that feeling travels to that differentiates the two. As many might protest against, infatuation travels to the head, while love travels to the rest of the body. Infatuation is to be defined as the being obsessed with the simple idea of being in a relationship, and in this case that is a majority of Sylvain’s feelings in general. Where as love is something that encases one whole, it is the simple deciding factor that allows you to put the other before yourself when necessary, but at the same time to prioritize yourself when you must.

To bring this back to your situation, you know Sylvain enough to know that the boy is constantly hooked on the idea, but never on the truth. You trust Sylvain, you really do, after all, it is him you go to before the others most of the time, he has the best insights once he drops his dumb-jock facade and decides to become an actually decent guy.

“Um… (Name)?” Dimitri tapped your shoulder and you are pulled out of your in-depth analysis.

Dimitri.

Whenever you think you’ve gotten over him, he just has to show his dumb face in front of you in his dumb school uniform with that dumb blue cape and his dumb blue eyes and you feel yourself falling for him all over again. You feel bad for Sylvain, he had to sit through you talking about Dimitri over and over again for years, you thought about apologizing, but whenever you gave a hint to, Sylvain would reassure you that it was fine.

Dimitri is such an enigma, let that be known. You had known him for years, thanks to your mother, and you have seen his rises and falls and everything in between. But the question now arises, is what you feel for Dimitri love or infatuation?

“Oh, hey, Dima, what’s up?” You force a smile on your face and he eyes you suspiciously.

“I was wondering if you could help me out with bow training?” He asked.

Oh, you almost forgot about that. Dimitri’s strong proclamation of switching to bow skills, one you wouldn’t have seen coming from a mile away, but one that wasn’t a horrible surprise. You nodded.

“Sure, I’ll try to get you a silver bow so it doesn’t break again,” you laugh. And there’s another thing that was on your long list of ‘WHY I LOVE DIMITRI.’ It’s the honesty, the way you could read his feelings on his face. The first thing you noticed was how the tips of his ears would turn red first before the rest of his face did, then he would do that nervous side glance that would send your heart racing. Sometimes you were afraid that people would be able to tell how whipped you were for the young prince because, truth be told, the odds of you and Dimitri being end game were short, very short. He’s a prince and you’re a commoner who just happened to be lucky enough to be a part of the lives of nobles, it was just not meant to be.

You would describe your story as a complicated romantic plot. But the boy behind you would describe it as a sob story. As frivolous as he seems, Sylvain is in no way an idiot. He knows your feelings for the Prince, and he knows Dimitri’s feelings for you, there’s no way he could ever stand a chance against the crown prince of Fhirdiad, and in your heart, your relationship has plateaued at ‘Sibling-Like,’ a placement he wasn’t happy with, but one he was willing to maintain.

“Honestly, Sylvain, look at you, you’re pathetic,” Felix scoffs. “You’d might as well just tell her how you feel so you could stop looking like such an oaf when she does as much as breathe.”

“It’s just that we’ve been friends for so long, I don’t think I should say anything,” Sylvain kept his carefree smile on his face, but his words were somber. “Plus, her and Dimitri have a bond we could never have.”

“I don’t think so, but alright,” Felix shrugs. “I’ve had enough of your moping, take action or I will for you.” Sylvain blew a piece of his hair out of the way and slumped his shoulders.

“Yeah, I hear you, Felix,” he groans. The door to the classroom opens and Byleth walks in, tomes and papers stacked in his hands. He tosses them on the table and turns to the class.

“I hope you’re all ready for your first mission as students. Bandit removal, make sure your weapons are ready and repaired, we move out in a few hours,” he instructs. The class affirms his questions collectively and next thing they knew it, they were at the drop-off location, getting in formation.

This wouldn’t be your first time going against enemies, which is sad enough to say. But the life of a commoner isn’t one of luxury. When you weren’t with your mother in the castle, you were with your father at home, home being a small cottage in the middle of the woods since your father was a paranoid maniac.

It sounds cruel, but there’s no other way to put it. From a young age you had to do things for him, and that included making sure people who were hellbent on killing your father, claiming that he was “cursed” or whatever new word they cooked up for him, weren’t a problem. When did it start again? You had to have been ten at least, right?

Oh, goddess above, you just realized how bad that sounded.

Let’s set something straight, you’ve never killed anyone! Gods no. You just scared them away, is all, enough for them not to come back to hurt your father.

Now the person who taught you how to use your sword in the first place was your father, before the “Goddess please take my life away as well as my wife and child” blubber he spouted out, in fact, he was also involved in the Monastery’s defenses, until he was untimely “retired” as Seteth put it.

Another unknown fact to most, actually you didn’t recall ever telling your friends either, you had connections in the Monastery even before you were admitted to the Officers Academy, mainly for fear of being disparaged since you were technically only let in because of “connections,” and goodness how you hated using that word but it was all that was there to use. As far as your classmates know, you got in because of good grades.

Which you believe would have been right, if only you actually went to school.

# Commoner Things.

Regardless, Dimitri and Ingrid’s books always kept you as educated as you had to be.

But let’s get back to the story.

“(Name), I want you and Felix to work together for this battle,” Byleth instructs. “You two should play off of each other well, focus on bow skills.”

“Right,” you nod. You link your arms with Felix. “Guess you’re stuck with me, Lix.”

“Great, now I have to babysit while I’m in battle,” Felix rolls his eyes and you smile.

“I feel like I never partner up with you anymore! What’s the worst that could happen?” You shrug.

“With your luck? Murphy’s Law is your best friend, (Name).”

“Don’t be like that, don’t worry, I have your back!”

That exchange was ten minutes ago.

You and Felix have been pushed back and essentially cornered by the enemy bandits, and the rest of the class was on the whole other side of the battle field.

But it wasn’t your fault! Felix was the one who was cocky enough to think he could handle the west side by himself, and you had to follow him because otherwise Byleth would have failed you. So now the both of you were hiding behind a rock, out of Vulnaries, and on the brink of exhaustion. And since the Professor wanted you to focus on your bow skills he may or may not have confiscated your sword, and Felix was being a dick and not letting you use his.

“How many arrows do you have left?”

“Uh… six.”

“How many enemies are left?”

“Uh… also six.” You hold your bow close to you and Felix holds both of your shoulders.

“Look, (Name), I always make fun of you and say you will never amount to anything because you are a commoner—“

“Geez, Lix, I get it, I’m worthless, chill out.”

“But right now this is me telling you that you can and you will one shot all those enemies because otherwise we will both die out here.”

“Well maybe if you gave me your sword—“

“It’s broken, (Name), you really think I’d give this to you and toss you out there? If Sylvain doesn’t kill me, Dimitri will tear my innards out.”

“Right. Okay,” you nod in tiny. “I dunno, Lix, my hit rate is one to six.”

“You can do it, I know that better than the others,” he shakes you slightly.

“Okay, okay, but if I die I am so convincing the Goddess to let me come back down so I can strangle you.”

“Deal. Now go kill those bandits.”

“Right, okay, right,” you nodded your head again.

Quick reminder, you’ve never killed anyone.

Also quick reminder, you don’t specialize in bow.

Also another reminder, last time you killed a fly you cried.

Okay, good luck, (Name).

You stood up and drew your bow back, focusing on the closest bandit, taking a deep breath in, you adjusted your stance, remembering Claude’s words, and as you exhale, you release the arrow, following it’s trail and hitting the enemy, leaving him out of commission.

“Oh gods, I did it. I actually did that… I am so sorry, I am so so sorry,” your expressions shifted dramatically. Felix poked his head out from behind the rock.

“See what did I tell you, (Name)? Go fuck some shit up!”

“Watch your language, Frauldarius,” you draw your next arrow, a new found confidence setting in you, and aim for your next target. Maybe you’re imagining it, but there was something different about how you were using your bow today, something more intense, to put it simply. Did arrows really fly that fast? And was a wooden bow really that strong enough to eliminate the enemies in one hit?

All questions for later.

Finally there was one last bandit and, using the same technique as the previous bandits, you took your shot.

And missed.

“You missed?!” Felix ran both hands through his hair.

“I told you I was a beginner!”

“So you miss your target the one time you shouldn’t miss?!”

“Oh shut up, Felix, you’re lucky I got the first five!”

“You two are really arguing, at a time like this?” The bandit halted in his tracks.

“Yeah we are, fuck off,” Felix grumbles. You glare at the bandit, grab Felix’s broken-ass sword, and drive it into the bandit’s chest.

“Don’t fucking interrupt me!” You growled. “Anyways, I don’t understand why you’re so unreasonable, Felix, you don’t see me complaining about your attitude 24/7.”

“That’s because you’re weak.”

“Say that again to my face!”

“I did!”

And the argument continued for the Goddess only knows how long and it finally ended when the Professor found the two of you and explained that the battle had been long over, then after a thorough scolding for worrying the entirety of the class, the two of you just decided not to talk to one another. Although you did find some joy in seeing Ingrid nag Felix about his broken sword, going off about how he should have checked before their very important first mission. But then your joy ended when she turned her anger towards you and lectured you on how you should have some respect for the people who were older than you, and also how you shouldn’t argue in battle since it’s “distracting” to the other classmates, but how could it be “distracting” if it was only you and Felix?

Either way, you had a bitter attitude for the rest of the week, and none of the Blue Lions were brave enough to go up to you and even make small talk.

And it wasn’t until Friday night when Felix decided to man up and go up to you.

-

Tag List: @cynicaltj  @jumblybumble

[kuroopaisen]

@kacchand (i couldn't tag your main but i wanted to make sure you saw this fdlkjfdlkj) 

hello dear! i’m sorry it took me so long to respond to this dflskjfdlkfdj i decided to answer your ask in a text post so i can link my thoughts to yours more easily! also, i know i'm going to Ramble, so i wanted to be able to keep it under a cut sdlkfjd

Hi rowan!! I've just finished the final chapter of aot and I just wanted to ask your opinion on it!

(SPOILERS THAT DEPICT MY UNDERSTANDING OF THE STORY'S MEANING AHEAD. READ ONLY IF YOU'VE FINISHED THE CHAPTER)

(FR )

(THERE'S STILL TIME TO BACK OUT)

(DO IT NOW. SPOILER ALERT)

I'd also like to ask a follow up question about it, because it seems that I've come to a different concl. from many of my friends and I'm feeling dumb abt how i feel w it.

first of all (and i say this as sincerely as possible, and if i'm coming off as condesending please let me know hh), please don't feel dumb because you've come to a different conclusion :(

we all read media at different levels (i’ve been told it’s ‘not that deep’ before fdljkfsdlkj) and identify different aspects in it, so the fact that you've had a different experience to some of your friends is absolutely not a reflection on your intelligence. and if anyone's making you feel that way, drop their @. i just want to talk :) furthermore, you’re not wrong for responding to something emotionally, especially if it really... makes you uncomfortable, you know? 

i'm from the PH & I've put off determining whether i'm comfy w the manga til the last chap,,,, but is it wrong that I can't shake the feeling that it's a justification of japanese expansionism and genocide? ik this manga has always been in the grey area, and that's what I love abt it! It often shows that no choice they make is absolutely good or bad, and does such a good job at showing you how each complex character came to that understanding (role of environment, etc...) but this last chapter felt too positive abt the rumbling? Like it was justified because paradis was able to advance and there wasn't much choice? idk.

that's totally valid! some of the best think pieces on the show i read mentioned that the concern with the narrative is less "is isayama a nazi sympathiser?" (he most likely isn't), but if he's a imperial japan apologist. and...

well, let's just say that my father is british, and when i was trying to say that colonisation was bad, using british india as an example, he said "well, we gave them railroads." it's... it's uncomfortable and gross and i think it encapsulates how countries with imperial pasts tend to talk about them; even if they don't officially endorse it, there's often a lot of talk about how "well colonialism was good for this country, actually--"

and if the manga felt like it was justifying japanese expansionism, then chances are it had elements that very much did point towards that. i've had a lot of trouble grappling with reiner, annie and bertolt, because they've existed in this grey area of 'victim of oppression' and 'war criminal'; and their existence raises the question of "do people who commit war crimes simply do what needs to be done?" and by victimising them it... it plays into the whole nuremberg defense of "i was just following orders". it's making you feel bad for the people committing said war crimes (and similarly with eren, and all the awful things he's done). but i'll get more into this point later dsfkjfd

i haven't read the last chapter yet (and don't worry about spoilers! i've been approaching aot from a very... specific perspective anyway, so i actually don't mind spoilers -- i read a bunch of analyses of the series before i'd even watched it hh), but... i think if it came off as too positive about, you know... an awful thing that happened, then it absolutely makes sense that you'd feel uncomfortable?

the modernisation narrative in general is one that always skeeves me out. it's one japanese imperialists use to justify the invasion of korea (and even those infamous tweets from the one account purported to be isayama talk about how the population of korea boomed under japanese imperial occupation, which... stop.)

it's also commonly invoked in cases of development. certain members of society (usually the poor), just 'had' to die for the good of the future. who gives a damn if they consent to that? they have to.

similarly, the 'we had no choice' narrative. that's... a concerning one that crops up time and again with history apologists, the argument that "oh if x country hadn't done y, then someone else would've!" or that acts of aggression were done as pre-emptive self-defence, which is so... ugh. i just. i just hate it.

It also feels really weird w the ymir and the whole loving fritz thing. i wish we got to see more of her thought process and what conclusion she came to that led her to destroying the power of the titans.

i... hate this so much. i get that abuse is complicated and victims often have multifaceted feelings towards their abusers, but... most people would focus on that in their story? the story would be about that? but instead, it's just... a thing in the history of the world and that's... icky.

also having the genesis of the titans come from a slave girl in love with her captor... there's many levels of ick to it and i highly doubt it was handled with the appropriate level of grace and sensitivity.

honestly, this might be one of the things that pissed me off the most because of how... contradictory her backstory was with That One Chapter (you know, instead of ymir crying because she wants to be free or because she’s been trapped she........ wants to see mikasa kiss eren’s decapitated head? i guess? what the fuck?) 

idk...I just think that context is sometimes everything. and i understand that media can portray incorrect things,,,, and that isayama likely didn't intend for it to become a global sensation, but i guess i'm just uncomfortable w the right wing nazis getting a comfort book ahaha.

i totally get that! even if attack on titan is meant to be anti-fascists, the fact of the matter is... a lot of fascists love it. and relate to it. which is... alarming. especially given just how popular aot is worldwide.

it’s hard because before the ending, attack on titan did feel like it was more grey; i remember saying that i wouldn’t know how to feel about it until the ending because the story was either saying “the military is corrupt and war is hell”, or it was saying “the military is corrupt and war is hell, but it is necessary.” 

still sorting out my thoughts, but yeah. I think i'm having a hard time understanding what they really accomplished with the rumbling and how they gave eren a sudden lelouch role and a lot of how they made it out to be a happy thing? perhaps I'm too biased to see it fully but to me it gives a "woah. eren was a hero. he saved us from destruction. those people needed to die for us to achieve this temporary peace and new start". i suppose the rumbling gave them a levelled playing ground?

OH MY GOOOOOD okay. i haven't finished code geass. but i really don't like lelouch. i mean... i think i just don't like characters that sacrifice other people for a purported 'greater good' (i could write an Essay about how much i hate erwin smith looking at him is enough to send me into an unhinged rage), but where i'm up to in the anime, i don't like the direction they're going with eren? i mean, i've never liked eren, but... that whole "martyr for the eldians" is just. ew. especially when you see several eldian characters disagree and resist him. 

why does this one guy get to make choices for everyone else? because he’s sPeCiAL? fuck off 

sorry for not being coherent. maybe i'm basing this too much on feelings ahaha. trust aot to finish it's scandalous run with a scandalous end.

no omg you're being perfectly coherent :( also, if anyone's making you feel bad or stupid for how you experience media, they’re... definitely not as smart as they think they are fdslskjfdlk. 

i'm of that mind that, while media consumption is in part an intellectual exercise, it is inherently very emotional; narrative media tries to make us feel as much as it makes us think. that’s what stories are for, you know? intellectual analysis is well and good but what’s the point of a story if it doesn’t make you feel anything?

that's to say, i don't believe there's such thing as basing your opinion too much on feelings :') especially since it's your personal experience with a piece of media; you don't owe anyone 'objectivity' (which is always a farce when it comes to this sort of thing) or 'logical analysis', because nobody's got any right to criticise you for engaging with media the 'wrong way'.

tl;dr I feel like the mood was too celebratory abt the rumbling, and didn't entail enough on the tragedy so much that it felt like a justification for genocide and expansionism. how do you feel abt it's ending and the message it leaves? is isayama responsible to give a morally correct answer to the cycle of hatred? you're not obligated to answer! and sorry for the rambling.

hhh yeah i guess that’s the thing at the end of the day... is isayama responsible for giving a “morally correct” answer? no, but the way the ending plays out is very telling. 

like armin thanking eren? mikasa’s e n t i r e character boiling down to being in love with a mass murderer no matter how poorly he’s treated her? and one could argue that kind of ending is supposed to be unsettling, supposed to hint that the cycle will just continue, but...

framing is everything. and it’s framed like a Good, Emotional Thing, Aren’t We So Grateful Eren Did All Those Awful Things 

YI think I would've been fine if we got to see more of Eren's or Yif you have a different perspective on how eren is being portrayed please do share! I just felt really yucky watching armin say "thanks for murdering all those people for us" with love,,, I suppose he was trying to make eren feel better. ach maybe I'm just overreacting. idk. im dumb ahaha . i'll send this in anyway cuz I'd love to hear your take!

HHHHHHH i just hate eren and i never got him. i felt bad for him in the beginning, but he's always been too... violent for me. there was a very short period of time in season 2 where i felt bad for him, but otherwise it’s just been... ugh. the main three have always been the weakest part of the series imo, so it’s really not surprising they’re part of the reason the ending was so. bad. 

and... well, that one infamous quote pretty much sums up my issue with armin. he's supposed to be the 'intelligent' one, but he's hopelessly devoted to a homicidal maniac with whom he has a very artificial, unbelievable bond with.

at the end of the day, the "thank you for becoming our monster" thing just makes it seem like attack on titan's core message is "war is horrible, but it is necessary." it feels like it's justifying massacre. and while fiction is fiction, and sometimes it's as simple as that, i think something as politically loaded as attack on titan needs to be looked at with a critical lens when discussing what it’s trying to say or what it means. 

do i think it makes someone a Bad Person for liking aot or being attached to it in some way? no, because that’s dumb, and what media someone likes =/= their Moral Goodness TM. ofc trends are a thing and certain pieces of media appeal to certain types of people, but it’s a false equivalency that misses the point. 

but by that same breath, nobody is wrong or stupid or has Less Valid Opinions just because what they took away from it makes them uncomfortable. 

i’m sorry this is So Long i have so many thoughts about this dskljfslkj 

but at the end of the day, 

levi sexy

[jamestaylorswift]

You're so mind-blowingly brilliant -- your posts never cease to make my day! I don't even have a tumblr account, but I check your page at least ten times/day, hoping for a new analysis. Reading your essay on "folklore"'s dreamscape felt like an acid trip in the best possible way. Please share your thoughts on the original "Cardigan" lyrics ASAP!

Thanks, anon! You’ve got me blushing like a damn fool over here 😊 You’re always welcome on this blog, lurking or otherwise!

Okay so this is more a line of reasoning that starts at the OG “cardigan,” not just lyric analysis. I’m not exactly sure how to organize all these thoughts so I’m just going to put them in the order that they came. Apologies if this is a mess. (And under a cut because I can’t shut up lmao)

To me, the OG “cardigan” is the antithesis of the song as we now know it. That got me thinking about how the core of the album might have been much different too.

The album-making process started with “my tears ricochet.” (I believe this song is from Karlie’s point of view, per the notes in the dreamscape essay.) I’m assuming Taylor didn’t edit this song much. She has implied in the past that a song is “written” when it takes musical form (i.e. lyrics literally get put to a track). The idea of a dead lover is also extremely compelling. She made “cardigan,” “seven,” and “peace” next.

It’s likely that these four songs represent folklore’s original ideological pillars. The common thread of Aaron’s three songs (both versions of “cardigan”) is the idea of age or maturity. “peace” and “seven” are age-related endpoints and “cardigan” is a midway point. “my tears ricochet” happens to be an endpoint (i.e. dying, as opposed to reaching an adult maturity).

From these songs, I extrapolate that Taylor wanted to explore emotional growth specifically by addressing Peter Pan and Wendy’s philosophical disagreement. (Also…veer off into gay childhood trauma.) “peace” is about the strongest argument anyone could make in favor of Wendy—growing up is necessary, especially in order to love and treat someone properly. (This song even argues for mutual maturity/understanding.) “my tears ricochet” is the fallout if two people end up fighting with each other, not for each other. OG “cardigan” comes down on Peter’s side—if given the choice to preserve youth or yield to age, one should prefer the former. The album was to transform an endorsement of Peter into an endorsement of Wendy.

The three songs done with Aaron were likely written to appear in the order they do today: “cardigan” as exposition, then “seven,” then “peace.” Observe that to chart a course hitting all four songs, Taylor has to align OG “cardigan” with “my tears ricochet.” “seven” can stand on its own, provided she pads it with enough storytelling. “peace” and “my tears ricochet” cannot both be endpoints of the story, especially because they are at odds with each other. The mutual understanding in “peace” is not at all consistent with the hatred and sadness in “my tears ricochet.” Thus, the track list requires the partial ordering of OG “cardigan,” then “my tears ricochet,” then (much later) “peace.”

Let’s talk about OG “cardigan.” The first verse paints the potrait of Karlie. “Vintage tee, brand new phone // high heels on cobblestones // when you are young they assume you know nothing” alludes to the glamor of modeling, plus its stereotype as the profession of being young, dumb, and beautiful. “Livin’ in a gold age // sneakin’ to my bird cage” reintroduces the tension of reputation, youth and freedom at odds with oppressive forces. “Laughin’ like a damn fool // breakin’ every damn rule” contrasts the characterization of Karlie in the verse. She instead has a marvelous time being hot, smart, and moderately evil. Through this contrast, Taylor suggests that the power of youth is the freedom to choose to ignore very serious problems (pseudo-escapism?). The OG outro full of zingers is Taylor’s perspective as someone who gets burned by the freedom of choice. Young Karlie leaves young Taylor because the high of reputation-era antics wears off. Then, old Taylor, still affected by this loss, also loses her mind in a reverse-“Don’t Blame Me” kinda way.

Word choice, to me, suggests that “cardigan” was originally conceived not as the Breakup Song of the Cenozoic Era but a narrative partner of “illicit affairs.” Karlie and Taylor are on the same team in OG “cardigan.” They have a marvelous time being hot, smart, and moderately evil and breaking all the damn rules together. “You know damn well // for you I would ruin myself” gets spit back in Taylor’s face and is that much more impactful. 

Karlie is justified in leaving because the moment dies. This phrase describes a relationship that mutually and/or slowly dwindles. Karlie makes a decision to leave and save herself, and indeed makes the better choice because she retains her wild and her sanity. Hence, Peter wins the argument.

It’s unclear when “exile” was written, but I think it was early on in the process because Taylor added bird noises to it. “exile” plus OG “cardigan”/“illicit affairs” illustrates two joint affairs, such as double bearding. Pronoun issues with the second verse of “cardigan” aside, Karlie’s eventual downfall (i.e. the emotional end of “illicit affairs”) is implied to be a result of Taylor…also cheating? Maybe it’s the whole Friends “we were on a break” thing. (IDK, I’ve never actually seen Friends.)

OG “cardigan,” “illicit affairs,” and “exile” were once closely affiliated. More pertinently, by the partial ordering, “illicit affairs” and “exile” were meant to explain how OG “cardigan” connects to “my tears ricochet.” Karlie leaves Taylor during their illicit affair; the affair ruins Karlie; Karlie dies and Taylor shows up at the funeral because she’s pissed; Karlie becomes a vengeful ghost and Taylor is also emotionally ruined forever. Scene.

But these are not the connections that Taylor put out into the world. Obviously we can never know precisely why. One thing that does stick out to me, though, is how hard it is to turn around and align with Wendy given the illicit affair narrative.

In “peace,” Taylor shows her own maturity by acknowledging that she was cowardly and dishonorable. For what? Karlie left her in OG “cardigan,” not the other way around. Taylor runs away with someone else in “exile” (“him”), ostensibly to enjoy a more stable relationship. Her playing the role of the angry funeralgoer in “my tears ricochet” is perfectly reasonable. Taylor was promised love and Karlie didn’t give her what she needed, so she moved on. Therefore, we should conclude that maturity is really…hanging onto someone who doesn’t stay? Having the courage to stay in an incredibly tenuous affair? Apparently, one also must be cheated on in order to mature. These are all strange conclusions.

Taylor illustrates Karlie’s maturity with a monologue of numerous promises—of pretty much everything except peace itself. The illicit affair narrative does strongly support the argument that maturity is learning how to stay true to one’s word. Yet its logical beginning is that one must cheat on another—plus be unfaithful to the person they are cheating with—in order to mature. (Karlie gets burned by the freedom of choice only when she later faces the consequences of the affair.) Also strange.

The illicit affair narrative as a primary emotional catalyst of the album generates even bigger inconsistencies.

“august” both humanizes the person cheated with and leaves them worse off than the cheater. “my tears ricochet” emphasizes the opposite: the one cheated with stays alive and becomes a very ugly person, but the cheater dies.

Arguably, both people should have anticipated the fallout of the (implied to be years-long) affair. “my tears ricochet” is internally inconsistent. “I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace” suggests Karlie died an unfortunate or unforeseen death, not an inevitable one. “You turned into your worst fears” suggests Taylor turned around and became a cheater too.

“invisible string” can support the argument that Taylor and Karlie were always bound to get back together after a breakup. Morally dubious underwriting of the initial affair notwithstanding, this song contradicts “mad woman.” Taylor wrote “mad woman” song shortly after “peace;” in it, she is staunchly against cheating. (She avoids morally dubious underwriting of illicit activity on the album by axing the OG “cardigan”/“illicit affairs”/“exile” narrative, then condemning cheating and seducing in “mad woman” and “illicit affairs,” respectively.)

Again, it is impossible to know when, why, or even exactly how the narrative of the album changed as Taylor was writing it. The dramatization I’ve provided of inconsistencies piling up is only one plausible explanation—and a convoluted one at that—for a change of artistic heart. Whatever the reason, I think it is significant that Taylor performed a volte face to never argue in favor of Peter in the first place.

The album version of “cardigan,” and indeed the entire love triangle, supports Wendy’s side of the argument. “cardigan” shows that James and Betty’s relationship was vibrant, joyous, thrilling, and tender, but above all, perfect. The tone of the song helps Taylor denounce James’ choice to leave Betty as cruel and unnecessary. It is James’ fault for leaving once the “thrill expired,” not Betty’s fault for believing James would stay after the honeymoon phase. “betty” reinforces James’ characterization as the ignorant fool too. Because the album necessarily pigeonholes the leaver in the role of the coward, Wendy wins the argument on the grounds of moral fiber.

(James technically ‘wins’ in “august” because the titular character is left devastated and alone. August embodies youth through hope and yearning. James’ lack of conviction kills that hope. Thus, youthful traits are always collateral damage of the entire maturing process. And, the narrative that pits the characters against each other ends with James, regarded as the paradigm youth, losing the most.)

Perhaps this is the best justification for the existence of the teenage love triangle. Introducing characters who are maturing in various ways still allows Taylor to explore emotional growth. Three separate but fixed perspectives act as a proxy for one person’s changing perspective. By aligning herself with each character at a different time in their life, she shows that maturity (e.g. realism, reliability, patience, etc.) always gives one the upper hand.

The love triangle’s main purpose is to illustrate the philosophy that permeates the rest of the album. folklore as we know it is Taylor’s memorial to all the things lost to youth. Maturity would have prevented so many losses. At the same time, it is impossible to mature without first being youthful, making mistakes, and feeling lost while doing so. This is Taylor’s singular but melancholic endorsement of Wendy. How sad, valuable, and necessary, she says of growing up.

Lest my point be misinterpreted as ‘we can confidently reverse-engineer Taylor’s artistic process,’ here are my main takeaways from the “cardigan” changes:

OG “cardigan” is sad and we should appreciate it as such. “I knew to love would be to lose my mind?” Please.

“cardigan,” as a midway point with respect to age, is the only ideologically ‘variable’ song of the original quartet. Furthermore, by placement and construction, “cardigan” is/was intended to be expository. Changing “cardigan” changes the course she charts through the album. Taking sadness out of one song and spreading it over a storytelling album really changes the meaning of that sadness.

Of the eponymous characters, it’s worth noting that Taylor is James, the leaver, whereas she is left in the OG “cardigan.” It’s utterly fascinating that Taylor chooses to embody ‘hanging on to youth’ angle. What we assume is a very deep, primal feeling is one she overemphasizes for narrative purposes. Consequently, dismissing the love triangle as (fix-it) fiction requires dismissing Taylor’s attachment to youth—being Peter. To that end, we might also need to dismiss the infamous “I never grew up, it’s getting so old” line from “The Archer.” Many others, too…

Red herring though it may be, the love triangle alters folklore’s underlying philosophy, hence the very essence of its melancholy. It seems rather unwise to ignore the love triangle or to reduce it to a cheesy storytelling device. Recognizing that Taylor endorses Wendy and only Wendy is, in my opinion, crucial for clarifying other nebulous ideas in folklore. (I know I sound like a broken record, but I really do think abstraction in the music requires abstraction in analysis. It’s really easy to fall into the habit of tying specific lyrics to people or events. Personally, I find richer and deeper connections by actively working against that habit. I’m not saying this is the only way to do analysis—on the contrary, I think all analysis is correct because it’s all subjective. Rather, I think people overlook the value of occasional abstraction, much to my distress. folklore analysis even seems to demand abstraction. Sue me for believing that things like the underlying philosophy of an album are important, I guess?)

Would you believe that there’s more to this change than what I’ve argued? I’m weary that this is answer is already not what you wanted, so I won’t bang on and quadruple its length. In conclusion: the Implications.

[bloody-bee-tea]

Too much attention

And another thing for @bahoreal who has done entirely too much studying today!

~*~*~

Lan Xichen knows he needs to study. Business is not his strong suit, but his uncle insisted on at least an entry level course, so that Lan Xichen has even a basic understanding of the subject, but. Lan Xichen hates it.

He chose a classical music major for a reason after all.

Lan Xichen should count himself lucky that he has a friend like Meng Yao, a business major, who is willing to try to make Lan Xichen understand the subject at hand. Not that Lan Xichen is paying his explanation any attention at all.

“Xichen,” Meng Yao snaps, for maybe the third time in the last hour and Lan Xichen sighs, defeated.

“I am trying,” he gives back, desperation colouring his words, but it’s so close to a lie that it makes Lan Xichen uncomfortable.

“Are you even paying attention to me?” Meng Yao demands to know and Lan Xichen presses his lips together.

He’s paying a little bit too much attention to him and that is exactly the problem.

Lan Xichen can’t tear his eyes away from his hands, who are gracefully making a point, or spinning the pen, or turning a page in their book. He can’t tear his eyes away from Meng Yao’s lashes, which seem impossible long when he looks down and which cast the most delicate shadows on his cheeks. He can’t tear his eyes away from the hints of dimples that show when Meng Yao speaks or grimaces or does anything at all with his facial muscles and it’s a goddamn problem.

“Yes,” Lan Xichen belatedly says and Meng Yao levels him with a look that tells Lan Xichen exactly just how much he believes him.

“What did I last say?” Meng Yao wants to know and honestly, Lan Xichen has no damn clue what topic they are even covering.

“Are you even paying attention to me,” he gives back, fully expecting the icy glare Meng Yao gives him at that and then he flinches when Meng Yao slams the book close.

“I’m here because you asked me for help, Xichen. I can’t help you, if you won’t even try.”

“I am trying, I promise,” Lan Xichen says, because he is, so damn hard actually. It’s not his fault Meng Yao’s everything is distracting to him.

“Are you?” Meng Yao asks and then sighs. “Look,” he starts and Lan Xichen has a heart-stopping moment where he thinks Meng Yao is going to say he’s leaving.

He doesn’t want him to leave. He never wants him to leave.

“Why don’t you focus on your major for an hour or so, and I’ll write this damn essay, and then we’ll try again.”

“Yes,” Lan Xichen immediately agrees.

Anything that brings him more time with Meng Yao will always be okay with him.

“Alright then,” Meng Yao says and gets out a book that is three times the size Lan Xichen’s business book is, and Lan Xichen can feel himself pale by just looking at that.

“Thank god that’s not my major,” he mutters under his breath but Meng Yao must hear him anyway, because he gives Lan Xichen a grin that sends his heart tumbling in his chest.

Those dimples will be the death of him one day.

“Your analysis on the history of guqin’s isn’t looking very appealing to me, either,” he says. “Good thing we both stick to what we understand, right?”

“I wish,” Lan Xichen bitterly mutters because he doesn’t understand business at all.

“You will,” Meng Yao reassures him. “If you’ll pay attention later.”

“I will,” Lan Xichen promises and after one last satisfied nod from Meng Yao he dives into his preferred subject.

It last for exactly the amount of minutes it takes Meng Yao’s hair to fall into his forehead when he bends down his head to do his reading. Then, Lan Xichen wants to do nothing more but reach out and push his hands into Meng Yao’s hair and brush the stray strands aside.

“I have to use the bathroom,” Lan Xichen presses out, grabs his phone and leaves before Meng Yao can so much do as acknowledge him.

‘Help,’ Lan Xichen writes as he’s walking out of the study room and it takes Nie Mingjue barely a minute to call him.

“What’s wrong?” he starts with, because Lan Xichen doesn’t start with a cry for help, ever.

“I love him,” Lan Xichen blurts out before he slaps his hand over his mouth.

He is met with a very judging silence on the other end.

“I really love him, and I cannot concentrate, he is too beautiful, I need you to come save me.”

“You cannot be serious,” Nie Mingjue mutters, and Lan Xichen can just imagine him, pained grimace and all.

“Mingjue, please.”

“Xichen, he’s a little devil, you know that, right? He’s not studying business to have a place in his father’s company. He’s planning to take over the whole damn thing.”

“He’s ambitious and clever and has clear goals,” Lan Xichen gives back, because he fails to see how those are bad traits. “Plus, he’s just too beautiful for anyone. The dimples, Mingjue, those alone are dangerous.”

“You are a goddamn romantic, is what you are,” Nie Mingjue grumbles.

“Yes. Yes, I am and I am going to compose an ode to his entire everything one day, but for now I need you to save me.”

“If you’re so goddamn romantic, maybe you should just confess,” Nie Mingjue snaps back, and Lan Xichen stills his pacing.

“I can’t. He doesn’t feel that way about me, Mingjue, please, I am dying. He tried to explain something to me for an hour and I don’t even know what he was saying.”

“Maybe I should leave you to your fate, so you’ll eventually just snap and kiss him and put us all out of our misery.”

“Please don’t,” Lan Xichen begs and Nie Mingjue sighs.

Lan Xichen knows he has won.

“Fine, I’ll help you,” he says, a hint of something in his voice, but Lan Xichen knows Nie Mingjue would never leave him hanging.

“We’re in the study room on the second floor in the library. Please hurry,” Lan Xichen instructs him and then hangs up without waiting for a confirmation from Nie Mingjue.

Lan Xichen takes another minute just to breathe outside, preparing himself for the rest of the afternoon, sitting right across Meng Yao and being assaulted by his, well, everything before he goes back inside.

When he reaches their table, Meng Yao is no longer studying.

“What’s wrong?” Lan Xichen asks as he sits down and Meng Yao slightly tilts his head.

“I don’t know, why don’t you tell me what your problem with my dimples is?” Meng Yao gives back and Lan Xichen freezes on his chair.

“Come again?” he eventually manages to get out and Meng Yao looks down at his phone.

“Nie Mingjue told me to either put the dimples away or to good use, since you have such a problem with them, and I am just wondering what that means?”

“Oh no,” Lan Xichen breathes out and then watches in horror as Meng Yao’s phone lights up with a message again.

“Xichen,” Meng Yao starts slowly, reading along as more and more messages appear on the screen and Lan Xichen fights the impulse to jump over the table and steal the phone right out of his hands.

That’s it. Nie Mingjue lost best friend status, he can be lucky if Lan Xichen even attends the funeral he will need.

“Is this true?” Meng Yao asks him and Lan Xichen decides that playing dumb is the way to go here.

“I don’t know what you mean,” he says as earnestly as he can but Meng Yao looks clean through his bullshit.

“So I should just spend another hour lecturing you on something you won’t even retain instead of spending the time better?” Meng Yao asks and Lan Xichen looks down.

“I’m sorry I’m keeping you from something important. You don’t have to stay here, you can go do whatever it is you need to do,” Lan Xichen says, unable to meet Meng Yao’s eyes, because he never meant to be a burden on him.

“Where would I go without you when I need you for that as well,” Meng Yao says and Lan Xichen looks up at him to find Meng Yao looking at him with a decidedly mischievous look on his face.

“What—would you need me for?” Lan Xichen haltingly asks and now the smile on Meng Yao’s face definitely slides into a smirk.

It brings out his dimples even more.

“I think making out for an hour or two sounds like an excellent idea, but if you have something better to do—,” he trails off there, as if there could ever be anything better than what Meng Yao has offered just now.

“Making out with me,” Lan Xichen still asks, because he might have convinced himself for months now that Meng Yao could never feel the same way about him.

“If you think you’re the only one suffering sitting right across the table, then I need you to think again. The way you unconsciously move your hands like you’re playing your guqin when you’re thinking makes me insane on the best of days,” Meng Yao admits. “And you’re wearing your hair down today. It’s not the best of days for me,” he goes on and then reaches out to tuck a strand behind Lan Xichen’s ear.

“Oh,” Lan Xichen breathes out and then slams his book close so hard he gets a few narrowed looks. “I think leaving sounds like a very good idea,” Lan Xichen says after he cleared his throat and Meng Yao positively beams at him.

“Perfect.”

When Lan Xichen packs his things, his eyes fall on his own phone and he sees he has one message from Nie Mingjue.

‘You’re welcome,’ is all it says.

Yes, he is. He is very welcome indeed.

[zukuthehero]

Lessons and Torture

First Chapter || Previous Chapter || Next Chapter || AO3

##  Izuku POV  ##

I nervously entered the Principal’s office.

Rescue theory hadn’t been hard, we’d gone over the basics of what disasters happened the most and discussed what we would be learning in the future.

But now I had private lessons.

With the Principal.

I was nervous.

“Hello Midoriya-san.”

I swallowed, “Hello Principal Nedzu.”

He waved a paw at me, motioning to the couch. He perched in the chair across from it.

I moved to sit down.

“Now then, lets discuss One for All.”

I paled, “ah, One for All? What’s that?”

The bear/rat/dog smiled at me, “I know about your quirk Midoriya-san, All Might himself told me.”

I relaxed, oh good, thank goodness I hadn’t screwed up.

“Let’s discuss it, and your cover for it shall we?”

I nodded.

He wants to discuss my quirk, okay, I can do that. Oh wait, then he knows I lied ‘about having a mental enhancement, am I going to be in trouble? Did I only get my classes changed because he’s covering for me? Did I not-‘

“Oh no Midoriya-san! You absolutely did well enough to get your classes changed on your own. Have no fear of that.”

I flushed, I’d been mumbling again.

“And I wasn’t certain if you’d lied about the mental enhancement or not, your analysis abilities certainly are skilled enough to have some sort of enhancement.”

I shook my head, “No, I was quirkless.” I looked away, my gut twisting.

“I see.” There was a long moment of silence, “Would you like some tea?”

I blinked, breathing in and noticing the scent of Jasmine as I peered at the Principal, who had a teapot and two delicate teacups in front of him.

“Oh, um, s-sure.”

He smiled brightly and poured me a cup. I took a small sip when he passed it to me.

“Now then, the tests you completed showed that you were above the basics of our curriculum. You’re easily skilled enough in Math, English, and Strategy. On the other hand, you’re lacking in the sciences, or perhaps only some of them?” He looked at me expectantly.

I shifted, “My dad sends me books on subjects I like, or he thinks are important. He works overseas,” That’s what we’re always supposed to say, and he might be overseas, his job is top secret, “and knowing different languages is important, so I’ve focused on them a lot. And strategy is a lot of fun. Math is really useful to so…”

He nodded, “What Languages can you speak? And how fluent are you in them?”

“I’m fluent enough in English to hold a conversation and write with it. Um, I can- I can speak Mandarin pretty well, writing Mandarin isn’t, uh, it isn’t hard for me either, so I mostly have it down. I can also speak some Russian…. Just like, important phrases and basic conversational speech mainly, and I can read most of what I can speak, um, plus a fe- a few random words.” I hesitated.

“That’s impressive, any other languages?”

I chewed my lip, I wasn’t sure if it counted but, “I know French in theory? I can’t… I can’t really speak it well, the sounds are hard to make. Writing it is hard to, it’s spelling is difficult. But I can read the most important stuff that would be on signs, and I know how to ask for directions and stuff… I’m not good at pronunciation though.”

He nodded, sipping his tea. “French is a hard language, it took me some time to get learn it. I’ll give you some instruction on the languages if you’d like, it is a very useful skill to have.”

I straightened, “That would- that would- that would be great!”

I groaned mentally at my stutter, I need to stop doing that.

“Surprisingly your scores at your old school, Aldera? Didn’t show your knowledge of math or English. Your scores were fairly average?”

I shifted, “Ah, well….”

I really couldn’t think of a response.

“I know you do not have a mental enhancement quirk,” He sipped his tea, gaze locked on me, “But…” He hummed tilting his head, “You are extremely smart. I don’t quite understand why you wouldn’t showcase your skills?”

I clutched the tea cup, this was just the beginning of the lesson, we’d barely begun and we were already onto hard subjects.

“People don’t like being outdone by a useless quirkless person.”

I didn’t look up in the ensuing silence.

I heard the sharp clink of his cup being placed back on the saucer.

I clutched my cup tighter.

“I see.”

I breathed in slowly, one, two, three, four.

“Well, that will not be the case here. I expect you to showcase your full potential at UA.”

I peaked up, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

“Yes sir,” I breathed.

The principal smiled brightly, “If you have any trouble with any of the students because of your knowledge, inform me please.”

I nodded, hiding my smile by taking a sip of tea.

I like UA.

“Now then!”

I jolted.

“Let’s continue with the subjects you’re best at. Math?”

“Uh, dad said it was really important to be good at math, just for life in general. Plus, it helps me calculate stuff for my analysis.”

He nodded, “Of course of course, math is very useful. And your analysis, how long have you been doing that?”

I brightened, “Oh for a long time! My dad used to sit with me and watch hero fights and would help me break down their quirks and fighting styles. I think I still have some old notebooks I wrote in crayon.” I laughed, those notebooks were so old, but mom kept them right where dad put them.

“Oh? What does your dad do? His file is very sparse.”

“Ah, he works overseas…” I’m not supposed to talk about dad’s work, really not supposed to know either but I’d considered going into the same career as him.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, does private work…”

“I see.”

I’m glad he didn’t continue that questioning.

“Now then, have you studied any sciences?”

“Um, some physics, it’s pretty hard but I’ve studied it some.”

“An excellent science to study! If you continue studying it now then perhaps you’ll be able to test out of it by your third year.”

I brightened, that would be nice.

“Now then, are there any other subjects you’ve studied? Anything that might not be taught at the school as well?”

“I studied a lot of quirk history, for my analysis, and some pre-quirk era history. It’s all really interesting.” I forced myself to stop there, I could go on for hours about the history of quirks and how they worked and how they had changed with time.

“An wonderful area to study, you can learn a lot from the past.” He offered the tea pot, then refilled my cup.

“Now then, what are your plans for the future? To be a hero obviously, but there’s so much more than that.”

I chewed my lip, “I uh, I want to help people?”

He looked at me expectantly.

I took a deep breath and paused to consider the question.

What do I want for the future?

I want to help people, whether as the number one hero like All Might is, or as an underground hero that works from the shadows.

I want to make sure people aren’t hurt like I was for something they can’t control, I want people to feel safe and content.

Isn’t that basically just being a hero?

No, I suppose it’s more. I don’t have to be a hero to help people. But it would give me a platform that would let me help them more. I could do campaigns and I could make a lot of money, that I could give to charities. I could do a lot more to help people as a hero, beyond just being a hero.

I nodded, “I want to be a hero, so that I can help people, not just… not just as a hero, but also by making sure that people know and understand that hurting people isn’t right. I want to be someone that can help everyone, someone that people can look to and know if they need me I’ll come. I want to be available to anyone that might need help. I want to be able to help everyone.”

Nedzu smiled, “Well, that’s certainly a very large goal.” He placed his teacup down, “Now, let’s talk about how I can help you do that.”

##  Aizawa POV ##

I eyed the problem child as he left the building, he was clearly thinking very hard. I fear what Nedzu is going to turn him into, one Nedzu is bad enough.

I shook my head. The poor kids don’t know what’s coming.

Hopefully Nedzu would keep the mischief away from his class at least… hopefully.

But now, I turned to head home myself. I have to finalize the training schedule for my students. They don’t really need the afterschool time, right? They’ll be fine.

“Aizawa!”

I bit back a groan, what now? Did All Might have nothing better to do than constantly follow me around and make sure I’m not “overdoing it”?

“How are you feeling?”

Like killing the number one hero.

“Fine.”

“Do you need a ride home?” He stared down at me, dumb tall hero, looking worried.

“No, I drove.”

“Do you need help grading? Oh, let me get that.” He hurried forward and opened the door for me.

Ugh.

“Here.” I shoved some papers into his hands, “These need to be graded by tomorrow, they’re from my communications class. Here’s the syllabus,” he shoved another paper into All Might’s hands, “I have to go.”

He turned and hurried as fast as he could with the bandages limiting him.

“Oh, well, Okay! Be safe Aizawa!”

Aizawa sighed.

Now then, he had some friends to call to help him train his kids. They need all the help they can get. Maybe Ingenium? He owed Aizawa a favor…

Maybe Aizawa could call Memory Bank? She was a good underground hero. And he knew she was on leave for another week.

He’d have to see what heroes would be willing to come in from the daylight heroes too, a lot of his kids were going into the daylight hero area. Best if they could get some advice from those heroes.

Hmm, he heard Gang Orca was going to some training events, maybe he could get him to come?

Well, he had some final phone calls to make but otherwise he had a good outline for his kids training schedule.

He wouldn’t let anything happen to them again.

He wouldn’t fail them again.

##  Tomura POV  ##

I studied the bedroom I set up.

There was a soft bed, lots of pillows and blankets, I even got them in *shudder* All Might colors.

That was the biggest concession I was willing to give.

The TV was set up with the gaming console, and of course a few hand-helds. There was a box with the games we bought, and a comfy sitting area in front of it.

The shelves were filled with empty notebooks and theory books and books on the history of quirks and heroes.

The desk had the new laptop, lots of pens and pencils, and plenty of light.

The room had some gear for underground heroes and a few of the more tolerable daylight heroes, plus some vigilante merch.

I hummed, did I get everything?

“Shigaraki Tomura, do you need anything else?”

I turned to Kurogiri, he’d done a lot of warping today to get everything back.

“No, I think I’m good.”

I should tell Sensei!

I hurried downstairs to do just that. Now Otouto’s room is all set up, he’ll be nice and comfy when we finally bring him home.

“Sensei I finished setting up his room. Can we go get him now?”

I stared at the screen, back to audio only.

“Patience Tomura, It’s only a few weeks till the Sports Festival. I need the data on his quirk to decide how to help him. And besides don’t you want to see how he does?”

I huffed, of course I want to see how Otouto does. But I’d rather him be here, safe and sound, away from those filthy heroes that were surrounding him.

“Yes Sensei…” I glared at the wall.

“Perhaps you could gather more data on the teachers at the school?”

I considered that, I knew the main one’s, like Eraserhead and Thirteen and All Might. The other’s didn’t seem so important. But then again… They had interfered with the attack.

I nodded, I’ll do that. I should know who’s influencing Otouto as well, if some of them are particularly bad I may have to get rid of them.

I grinned, yes, I should learn about them so I could be sure that they wouldn’t be an even worse influence on Otouto than them just being heroes makes them.

“Okay Sensei!”

I hurried off, I’d need some info from Giran, he has the best sources.

##  Tokoyami’s POV  ##

I settled into my seat, waiting for class to start.

Watching the other classmates was interesting, we were all still mourning Mineta.

Not me.

Except Dark Shadow.

We were all waiting for Aizawa-sensei, he had promised that we would finally get our schedules of doom today.

Maybe we’ll be able to play!

I sighed, we cannot play Dark Shadow, we need to get more powerful.

I’m plenty powerful if you’d let me have some fun.

I shook my head, we cannot bring harm to our classmates.

Ugh, so boring Fumi.

I turned my attention back to the class as Midoriya slipped into his seat. I did worry for him, him and Asui. The two of them had not been prepared for the banquet of darkness that losing Mineta brought upon them.

He seemed alright though, I was glad. He is a very bright presence, but not overwhelming, even Dark Shadow enjoys him.

Ooh, Midori is here. He’s muttering again! Get closer, I like hearing him talk about everyone’s weaknesses.

Okay so maybe Dark Shadow liked him for a different reason.

“Settle down,” called the muffled voice of Aizawa-sensei. I must’ve missed him coming in.

Aww, but Midori mutters…

Hush, you can listen to his thoughts later.

“All right, I have a few announcements for today.”

I listened attentively, this must be our schedules of doom!

“You all will be adding another hour onto your school day three days a week. On Monday, Thursday, and Saturday. So they don’t interfere with your active days.”

I considered that, I would need to be sure that it doesn’t interfere with my schedule, but I think it would be okay.

“If this does not work for you then you may come early instead, but you won’t be able to get as much work in, and it would be better if you could stay in the afternoon. I understand that you would be staying till five thirty then, but the extra work will be worth it.”

He studied us his gaze intent.

“What a mad banquet of darkness,” I muttered.

“I have called in some favors and some heroes have agreed to come some days and give advice. The heroes will only be coming in the afternoon though, so you will have to consider that if you don’t want to stay late.”

I nodded, that seems interesting. Assorted heroes would give us a better idea of what we would be doing and be able to teach us a lot of different things.

I wanna go, Fumi I wanna go!

Well, it did seem interesting. I suppose we would go.

“Aizawa-sensei!”

I turned to see Iida with his hand raised.

“Yes Iida?”

“Are we able to come to both morning and afternoon training?”

“You are, in fact I would prefer it. Regardless, any extra training you come to will count as extra credit for your Hero Combat Training class, and your Hero Fundamentals class. Some will also give extra credit for Rescue Theory or Combat Theory, depending on the hero that is helping out that day.”

That got a lot of excited murmuring.

I can appreciate that, it wouldn’t just be extra work, we’d get extra points too. I would definitely be trying to go to as many as possible then.

“Now then, the Sports Festival date has been confirmed. It will be three weeks from next Monday. While all of you voted to have the Festival, it is up to you individually if you want to participate. You need to decide a week before the Festival, so take the time to consider carefully.”

We’re definitely participating.

I smiled, yes, me and Dark Shadow would most certainly be participating. It would be very exciting.

“Are there any questions?”

His gaze swept over the class once, “No? Alright, you have the rest of homeroom to yourselves, do whatever.”

He promptly curled up in his sleeping bag.

Dark Shadow snickered, then perked up, Go over to Midori! He’s muttering! I want to hear weaknesses!

I sighed, Dark Shadow…

##  Doctor POV ##

I finished adjusting the tank of my grandson, or the Nomu that was left of him.

It had been an interesting experiment and using him for it had helped me figure out how to adjust mutation quirks to work with the other quirks All for One gives them.

I hummed, moving on to the next tank.

I was still annoyed that they had lost the other Nomu. I spent awhile working on that one. It had the best regeneration yet! Though I was working on a few other’s that would hopefully have similar level, if not higher, regeneration.

I adjusted the concentration slightly before moving on again.

I’m extremely curious about how All for One’s son got a quirk so late. I hadn’t had a chance to read through the file the Shigaraki brat retrieved.

I’d have to do that soon. Late appearing quirks were rare, and it could be useful to study it and see what might have made it come in late.

But nooo, All for One wouldn’t let me so much as touch his precious son without supervision. He valued his son a lot it seemed.

It’s annoying, but it does mean that I have a fun project, so I suppose I can’t complain too much.

Speaking of, I moved to check on the special project.

It was a difficult one, to keep the integrity of the quirks in a different kind of form. I studied the project.

It was looking good, I should adjust the nutrients just to be safe.

The regeneration quirk had taken well, and the fire breathing quirk was settled perfectly now.

It still looked as it should, that’s the hardest thing to make work. He doesn’t want it to look like the other Nomu’s at all. He want’s a very specific form for it, while still insuring it’s able to accomplish its job.

Next up was the tracking quirk, I would be adding that in a few days I think. Let the empath quirk settle a little more. It was the newest after all.

“How is it coming doctor?”

I straightened, “All for One.” I nodded politely, “It’s coming well. It still holds it’s form well. I should be able to add the tracking quirk in a few days, and then it will likely need another week to settle. The intelligence quirk would be the next best one to add I believe.”

He nodded, stepping closer to the tank despite his inability to see.

“And you’re certain that it looks correct? Will it’s attitude be correct? Will it be able to pass as simply an animal with a quirk?”

“It should, I’m unable to test how it acts until we finish adding the quirks, I don’t want to take it out and risk destabilizing it.”

“Indeed.

All for One seemed to consider it for a moment.

“I may need it sooner than originally planned. The tracking and empath quirks are a necessity, but the other quirks I’ll need to decide about.”

“I think the gigantification quirk is a priority, and possibly the strength quirk.”

He hummed, “I agree with the gigantification quirk. How long will that to settle? That kind of quirk usually takes longer.”

I nodded, that was true, prioritizing it would delay the project by at least two weeks.

“Perhaps we add that as soon as the tracking and empath settle? Than move on any other quirks you think should be prioritized?”

He nodded, “I’ll decide which are most necessary. Inform me when the next quirk can be added.”

He left through one of Kurogiri’s portals.

I grinned, this project was so much fun. I would be sad to complete it but interested to see how it completes its job.

Ah well, time to get back to work. The Nomu’s wouldn’t make themselves.