#thanks beloved mutual this was fun to do while bored at work!

[torterragarden]

hi beloved mutual i challenge you to give us your top five or so pokemon ships, and explain why you like them in as little words as possible (and also explain their shipnames if they’re not super obvious to get)

Idk what's gonna be harder, explaining ship names I don't fully understand myself or "in as little words as possible"

Also I can't really order these so I won't ✌

Surveyshipping - Cyllene and Laventon are both in the Survey Corps, pretty obvious ship name. Anyway I really love both characters and I think the idea of them together is very cute, classic girl boss and male wife dynamic

Hardenshipping - uuuh this is called that because when magma is cooled by water it hardens or something. Idk I never liked this ship name but it is what it is. Anyway what can I even say about Maxie and Archie they are THE disaster couple their divorce arc almost destroys the region. No one is doing like them fr

Moonlilyshipping - Moon because Selene means moon and also Pokemon Moon I guess, and lily because Lillie. It's a cute name. Anyway these two make me insane, they are the heart of the Alola games. It's the way Selene spends most of the game protecting Lillie and Nebby and the way Lillie is inspired by Selene's bravery and the way they save Nebby and confront Lusamine together at the end and the way they sneak away to be alone at Selene's party and the way after everything they've been through they have to say goodbye at the end. God.

Postwickshipping - Gloria and Hop are both from Postwick so sure fine. They're also the heart of their games in my onion I love Hop's arc I love the bittersweetness of him losing his dream to his bestie/rival but then realizing that was never a good fit for him anyway since he was just trying to be like his brother rather than thinking about what he actually wants and I really like how Hop and Gloria grow together throughout the game they're really cute and I love them

Namelessshipping - uum, so I think one is because while Red and Blue were given official names in the og games you could also name them whatever you wanted? But anyway come on they are the original protag/rival ship and meeting them again in Alola while they're on their honeymoon is an incredible experience I'm so happy for them

[prototypelq]

Here's an ask for you, dear mutual! What are your 3 most favorite games? Would you recommend them?

MUTUAL MY BELOVED THAT'S A GREAT QUESTION THANK YOU

I just, whoa, RESPECT for separating 'favourite' games and If I would 'recommend' them. Respect, man, cause yup, favourite game doesn't always have to be a good game xD

From the top o my head, the top 3 would be: Outer Wilds, Pyre and Horizon ZD. These are also games that kind of I could separate my life by - before (title) and after it.

Outer Wilds is a masterpiece, Please. Everyone. Try. This. Game. Out.

If I had to choose ONE game that I could reccomend, it would be this. Outer Wilds is an incredible experience, this is so freakin hard to put into words properly. I'm sure any gamer saw at least one of the actual dozens of essays about this game, and it still deserves more in my opinon. This is the most beautiful game I have ever played, this is the most frightening game I have ever played, this is the most adrenaline out of everything I have ever played, this is, okay it is the Second most musical game I have played, this is the most joyous game I have ever played, this is the most hopeful game I've ever played. Outer Wilds is amazing and it is the everything game I've ever played. If you love exploration - you gotta play it, if you love space - you gotta play it, if you love space westerns my beloved best genre ever - you gotta play it, if you love existential joy and dread in one package - you gotta play it.

Thankfully, everyone single person is different, which is great, because otherwise the world would be terribly boring. However, this also means this game won't really grab you if you like more linear or handholding experiences, cause this game is ALL about exploration, and well, it won't really entertain you if you're not actively trying to do that yourself. Oh, I am also unsure how it controls on keyboard, but this game feels very much controller-centric experience, you'll need the ability to press those buttons gently, trust me. Except the autopilot, it will guaranteed entertain you xD.

Now, Pyre is the aforementioned Most Musical Game I have ever played.

I've been a long-time Supergiant Games fan, as Darren Korb has stole my soul away in 2013 with the Transistor OST, and I don't really want it back. If the name rings a bell, but you can't place it - these are the authors of HADES. While Transistor is very near and dear to my heart, Pyre is just a very unique blend of exact concentrations of everything I love in a game.

IT'S NOT A SPORTS GAME.

Pyre is much more of a visual novel really, the arcade battles in-between are kind of rare tbh, most of your time you will be reading in this game. I love party-RPGs, but my favourite game in the genre is Dragon Age 2, which is, while an okay game, it's my favourite because of the companions and their dynamics, not only with the player, but with each other as well, and watching them grow, progress and interact is a pure joy. Pyre scratches that exact itch - you're really playing for the story and the characters inside of it, it's great fun. Visually, the game is a Grade-Supergiant Masterpiece, and musically, well, let's just say Darren Korb and Ashley Barrett have their own minstrel characters.

Pyre is also, in my opinion, the most freakin DIVERSE Supergiants game. The player character basically leads the Triumvirate of their traveling companions (yeah, it's also a roadmovie!) to compete with other Triumvirates, each one consisting of a rival team, and each, Each, of the Seven teams have their own music track and bring their own genre to the OST pallete. These genres will range from folk with different instruments, to chivalric tunes, to metal, ....existential rock? remember the threat track from the Spiderverse with the siren? basically, this game has something like that. And it's not just one 'battle' track that works like this either! There is a special Rite (arcade ritual where you play against a rival team), which has the two minstrels sing the g o r g e o u s key title song Never to Return, which was Seven variations of music and lyrics for this song, depending on which team you're up against. The way Darren made the initial song bend to all those different genres and instruments is fascinating to me. Pyre and Outer Wilds OSTs both fall into the very exclusive category 'I will bawl my goddamn eyes out if I hear even a single note', Outer Wilds OST is a powerful beast for sure, but you can't really compete with a title that has music ingrained so deeply into it, so Pyre is first place for me.

The difficulty and lore in this title are no slouches either. Supergiants have this cool lore habbit of unlocking it through gameplay experimentation, and this principle also works in Pyre without a hitch. Some character might get seasick, and won't be able to participate in a Rite (arcade game part), or a rival team will have a familiar of theirs and the character will ask to not be pitied against their friend or family. The games does a supreme job of blending together gameplay and story decisions like that, this should be like studied in gamedev. Also, the story around some particular rivals might make you actually want to lose to them, and I haven't seen much games that accomplish this.

Difficulty is also a fun aspect of the game to play with, Supergiant have a habit of locking additional world lore behind challenges, and let's just say this game has Challenge if you ask for it. The AI in this game can play better than any player, cause you need all the reaction speed, enemy team knowledge, skill ad party composition of your own team and strategy to win, it's extremely fun to play around, at least it is for me. Let's just say on my high difficulty with modifiers playthrough, the final battle lasted for about 11 minutes for me (in a game that has Rites finish in maybe 3 min), and my bloodstream has never seen such high percentage of adrenaline as it did for those 11 minutes, probably never will either. I keep the whole footage for myself, and oh boy how many jumpscares are there xD Literal fight for the ages, it was amazing. Best feature yet?

You can lose every single Rite and still finish the game. There is no 'joke' ending either, it's entirely possible to never score a single win if you wish to and the story will adapt to it. The same way 'winning' is not always 'best' for the character but that's for you to choose really.

Basically, this game has everything - roadmovie, fun gameplay, a Holy-Grade OST, amazing characters and a great story. The only real reason you might not get into it is if you don't like reading, cause this game has a lot of reading. As all good rpgs and visual novels do and should.

For my third fave I choose Horizon ZD.

The robodino-infested post-post-apocalypse got to me, alright. I love the world of this series, for me it's like a personification of hope really. It's also the first game I played when I got my ps4 and that was a huge deal for me) The bio-ecological focus of the game is also very very much my jam. I love just booting up the game and wondering around and just vibing in there. The design of all the tribal cultures, their traditions, myths and clothing is also a joy for me, it's really fascinating for some reason. Love this game very much. The gameplay is great fun, and also this game got me into my first photomode frenzy, I got very hard into game-photography because of this title) Got a habbit of using my screens for wallpapers and icons everywhere, and I've been doing that ever since.

Honourable mentions:

Darksiders series (1,2,3 and Genesis)

I love these games, they are very fun, the OSTs are amazing, especially Jasper Kyd's for the second game and Astarte theme from the Genesis. I have lost count of how much times I replayed Darksiders 2, it's been way too many that's for sure, and how could you even resist a Riders of the Apocalypse game with their actual steeds?! These are great fun. Also there's an extremely good novel Abomination Vault about Death and War, and I have reread this one waaaaaay too many times too (it's so good!). Obligatory reminder for everyone to play Genesis btw, it's a truly great darksiders title, everyone's really sleeping on it.

Rain World

I. Do not know. What to say about this game. It's amazing, it's horrible, it's frustrating, it's occasionally fun? All of these. Most of all, Rain World is truly unique. The game has amazing creature AI and procedual animation, and these two factors result in a very very Very unique experience, I suggest anyone tries it. This is too, a very bio-ecology themed game, and the art is honestly gorgeous.

I've fallen into literal toxic relationship with this title - I love it, I hate it, I can't get enough of it, I'm so goddamn fed up with it I can't play this anymore, I'll surely close the game after another death.

Red Strings Club

Another visual novel! This one is only a 3 or so hours one, but with a twist. My friend suggested we play it when we were hanging out together, and, lemme tell you, the dialogue, the plot, the themes, the questions that this game asks of you had us spend three times the 'standard' playtime. This game is literally pool-wide and marianna-trench-deep, it's amazing.

DMC5 & CONTROL

I grouped these two together, cause these games are FUELED by fun. These games were made For fun, To have fun, and By People Who Were having Fun Making Them. DMC5 will also train you harder than any Guitar Hero, while CONTROL will stealthily make you architecture and Sam Lake - obsessed. CONTROL is also the source of all of my current wallpapers, cause photography in this game is On Point. Both are great and a real joy, also I have played them the same year)

this is where I would have mentioned DRG if I had put more hours into it

Thank you for reading all of this, and game on my friends)

[tartglias]

Xiao, Zhongli and Venti with an immortal s/o

“Sooo 👀 can i request so some fluff hc for venti, xiao and zhongli with an immortal s/o?”

thank you so much for requesting!! this is my first time writing for more than one character at a time so it was a challenge lol thank you sm!!

Xiao

Xiao never understood the importance of time. Days, months, even years feel like nothing when you’re immortal. What a funny thing that is, immortality. He knows normal humans would do anything for it, and he despises them for that. Nothing so great came free, he knew that well. He was freed from tortures, only to get tormented by karma. He could still hear the voices and screams calling for help from tortured souls, these still haunt him daily. But the worst moments come when he sees that figure, that person who he once considered close. So close he could use the human word “soulmate”, if he believed in those, to describe who that person meant to him.

Many centuries back he met you, such a gentle person who got to break down his hard walls. A smile, a touch, a kiss. That’s all it took. So many meaningless years, and he never once encountered a person as kind yet strong like you. Someone who made the daily nightmares cease, with a simple smile and brush of fingers.

He remembers your last words like it was the day before. You were on top of one of the tall stones in Huaguang Stone Forest, Xiao laying his head on your lap and you placing small qingxin flowers on his hair. He wouldn’t allow anyone do that to him ever, but in the end, you were you. And you were different.

“Xiao” you called, once you were done placing the flowers. He opened his eyes and muttered a “hm?” in response. “I have to leave soon. Mondstadt calls me”

He sat up.

“What do you mean?”

“By tomorrow morning, I’ll be on my way back to Mondstadt” you said, quietly standing up.

He stood up too.

“When will I see you again?” he asked, now not being able to look at you.

“I don’t know” you said, reaching out for his hand and taking it. You placed a soft kiss on his knuckles, and he felt himself calm down at the gesture for a moment.

“I meant it when I said I’ll love you forever, Xiao” you said, finally locking eyes with him. You had teary eyes, he dreaded to see you like that. If it were up to him, he would swallow every bit of pain in your body and soul, just to see you smile.

And with that, you disappeared. As quickly as you broke down his walls, you disappeared just as quick the next day. Days, months and years became even more meaningless, but somehow he felt them longer. He missed you every day, he whispered to the moon every night, wishing that some archon would hear and bring you back to him. He knew you were like him, but he never heard from you again. Were you able to finally cross to the other side? He tried to erase those thoughts from his mind.

He later found himself in that very same stone, the one in which he last saw you. New Qingxin flowers blossomed, and they reminded him of you. He sat down, staring at the horizon. But then, he felt a strange swift of wind, and a presence behind him. He quickly stood up, ready to put his mask on and kill whoever dared to interrupt his solitude. But he didn’t. The mask in his hand dropped to the floor, next to the flowers.

“I’m back” you said, with a shy smile.

“You’re back” he said, more to himself than to you. Were you really there?

His question was soon answered, once you stepped closer and pulled him in a hug. He found himself wrapping his arms around you, holding you as close as he could, while trying to hold back his tears.

“I’m sorry I took so long, my beloved” you said as you locked your eyes with his. You grabbed his hand and held it, but you never once let go of the hug.

“I’m here to stay now” you whispered.

Zhongli

“You need to stop playing with people’s hearts” Zhongli said, as he sipped on his tea and looked at you questioningly. You rolled your eyes in response and put your focus back on your potion. A few petals from the most exotic flower in Teyvat, a little bit of juice made from vines and a teaspoon of slime condensate.

“Sometimes mortals need a little push in the right direction” You said, finishing up the mix and transferring it to a small bottle made of glass. “Plus, we’ve been here for centuries, I’m bored and I need a hobby”

“I don’t think that messing with human’s love lives can be considered a hobby. I don’t think it’s morally correct” he said.

“You’re very dramatic. I can feel the true desires of every being that touches the soil in Teyvat, and if I sense that the desire is mutual, I simply work my magic” You said, sitting back on your chair next to the tall man.

“Can’t you let them figure it out by themselves?” He asked.

“That’s no fun Zhongli” You said, finishing up the sweet perfume-potion you were creating.

You and Zhongli have been friends for centuries. You met when you moved to Liyue as the representative of the Dendro Archon, someone you really looked up to. Zhongli was kind enough to make you feel at home, and soon became friends with the Geo Archon. Though you must admit, you always wished it was something more.

Maybe that’s why you picked up this “hobby” of yours. Unrequited love is something painful and mortals only live a short life, you believe they should live it fully, if possible.

“Are you alright?” Zhongli asked, interrupting your thoughts with a concerned look on his face. You didn’t realize you had a sad look on yours.

“Oh? Yeah of course” You said, quickly brushing it off and proceeding decorating the small glass bottle.

“Y/n-“ he started, placing a hand on top of yours in order to get your attention. “I’ve known you for a long time. I know when something is wrong”

It was funny. He knew you like the back of his hand, he knew how to read you since the first time he laid his eyes on you. Yet he never found out how you truly felt about him, how your heart made like a million flips whenever he did something as simple as hold your hand, or brush a hair away from your face. All these little things and gestures, have been making you swoon over your closest friend for years, centuries even.

“Time and love are strange concepts, aren’t they?” You asked, looking straight at him. Here goes nothing, you thought.

“I believe those are rather simple concepts”

“You can spend a lifetime with someone, know every habit and expression but you don’t know how they truly feel about you” You said staring at him, searching for any hint that indicated he knew what you were talking about. But you saw nothing. Who were you kidding? He’s just your friend, has been for a long time.

You let out a defeated laugh, standing up and letting go of his hand. “Forgive me, I don’t really know what i’m saying” you said, grabbing the potion and starting to leave. But you felt his hand on your wrist, stopping your movements.

“You said you felt the desires of every being that stepped foot on Teyvat’s soil, am I right?” he asked, looking at you. You nodded. “Does it work on me?”

“You wanted to get close to me, as a friend”

“My apologies my dearest y/n, but I think your blessing is wrong” he said, standing up and holding your hand once again. “I did want to get closer to you as a friend at first, but not any longer. I’ve been observing mortals for a while as well, on my daily walks through Liyue Harbor, and I think I finally understood my feelings”

You were sure that if Zhongli listened close enough, he would hear the fast beating of your heart.

“I’ve been waiting for you to use your love potion on me, my dear y/n. I’m sure it wouldn’t have worked anyways since I believe it would take a lot of effort to make an effective potion that could work on me. But it would have given me the excuse to tell you how I really feel” he said.

“How do you feel then?” you asked him, looking up at the tall man.

“I think I’m very lucky to have you by my side, and it makes me want to travel to the Dendro nation and personally thank the Archon for assigning you to Liyue. I also want you to still be by my side for the centuries to come, if you’re okay with that” he said, lowering his voice by the end.

You acted before you could process your thoughts. You stood on your tippy toes and kissed his cheek gently, never letting go of his hand. He liked you, he felt the same way about you. It was real.

“I’m okay with that” you replied.

Venti

It was almost noon, almost an hour after the original time you accorded with Venti to meet. You planned a picnic date by the big tree near the statue of the Seven, your favorite spot. The same spot which later, became Venti’s favorite spot as well.

He wasn’t a person who would jump straight to conclusions. You were late. Maybe you fell asleep, maybe you couldn’t find the guitar you promised to bring so you could play a duet. Being late doesn’t mean something bad happened, right?”

He decided to wait a few more moments, but once the sun set, he had enough. He went out to try and find you. He went to your house, but noticed the door was locked and no one was inside. “They left” he thought.

He slowly but surely started to get desperate. Where were you? Were you hurt? Did you get lost somehow? He went to Angel’s Share, and not even Master Diluc had seen you. If Venti wasn’t in such a panicked state, he would have noticed the rare concerned and worried look Diluc had on his face.

If any traveler walked by literally any road in Mondstadt, they would soon encounter a big rush of wind. Venti went from here to there as fast as he could, trying to find you.

He soon enough found you in Stormbearer Mountains, fighting hilichurls and two pyro mages. You looked tired, sweat covering your body and your clothes were dirty. It was obvious that this has been going on for a while. You gripped your sword as hard as you could, and kept fighting. Why didn’t you call for him? With no exception, Venti tells you daily to call for him if you ever encounter a problem. It’s not that he doesn’t think you’re strong, oh no, he believed you were the strongest mortal in Teyvat. But in the end, to him you were still a mortal. Fragile and over-sensitive. He often told you to call his name, that the wind will carry it and he will appear there to help you out. So why didn’t you?

“y/n!” he screamed, once he laid his eyes on you. You turned around and saw a rush on wind, and felt his presence. What you didn’t feel though, was the pyro attack coming from one of the mages. The mage summoned three pyro artifacts that surrounded you, and burnt you. You felt your energy slip away, your head dizzy and your body burning. Then, you felt the cold wind, Venti quickly finishing off the mages and the remaining hilichurls.

Venti thought it was over. You were kneeled down, burnt skin, gasping for air. It was over, you were going to die. He felt his eyes water and fear running through his veins. He wrapped his arms around you, making you lean on his chest.

“Don’t leave me” he begged. “please”

“My dear, I don’t think I can” you said, letting out a short laugh.

“Please stay strong, I think I can carry you to the cathedral but you need to hold very still so-“ he started saying, now fully crying but you interrupted him by putting a hand on his cheek and wiping his tears with your thumb.

“I’m serious, I don’t think I can leave anyways. Venti, I literally can’t die.” you said, with a laugh and slowly standing up.

“You... you’re immortal?” he asked, looking up at you, not being able to leave the floor.

You nodded. “I thought you knew”

“I hate you” he said, standing up and wiping away his tears. “I do”

“No you don’t. But you’re cute though!” you said, grabbing his face and kissing the tip of his nose. “I’m very sorry I’m late though, my commission took longer than I thought but let me compensate you with dinner and a bottle of wine”

“But you’re still burnt?” he asked you, concern still in his face.

“Oh don’t worry about that, it will rip out when I start walking. I have healthy skin underneath” you said, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“Why do I feel like this is not your first time getting so hurt?” he asked letting out a soft chuckle, suddenly feeling lighter now that he knows you’re okay and will probably be okay for a long long while.

“Eh, been there done that a few times” you simply said, taking his hand and walking back to the city of Mondstadt.

[shoyomeow]

WINTER WONDERLAND

- a @babythotshq collaboration

❀ characters : motoya komori x gnl! reader

❀ genre : fluff

❀ warnings : mentions of alcohol, language , mentions of the pandemic

❀ wc : 2444

❀prompt : game night

shoutout to @sempiternal-amour . i got you for the secret santa event and i hope you had a wonderful christmas.

USUALLY CHRISTMAS WAS YOUR FAVOURITE HOLIDAY.

There had always been a set routine that you had adopted during this time of the year that always filled you with more happiness that you could imagine and once you had started dating Motoya, who had been just as enthusiastic as you and would not only tolerate but add on to your extreme love for Christmas, it seemed that nothing in your life could go wrong.

At least during Christmas.

That was until this year of course.

2020, the year that you hope you never have to relive again and the year that has filled you with so much pain, anguish and exhaustion that the disconnection you felt from Christmas was not even unexpected at this point.

There was no part of you that felt like it was Christmas time and you figured that the same could be said for your beloved boyfriend as well since he didn’t show you any signs of holiday spirit either. Going through the year had been hard on both of them, while neither of them were extroverts who liked going out there was something oddly stifling about being forced to stay home instead of choosing to.

As the months passed by and the virus didn’t show any signs of going away, their irritation at being forced to stay at home morphed into sheer fear for themselves and their loved ones so you suppose it was understandable that neither of you felt up for Christmas this year,

You flinched as cold and slightly damp skin came in contact with your exposed arms, the sleeves of your hoodie having been rolled up to give you more comfort as you kneaded the dough, “How many times have I told you not to hug me after working out? You smell gross babe.”

You teased as you turned your head to see your boyfriend better, his bangs were sticking to his forehead, no doubt because of the sweat but there was a bright smile on his face which even after all these years made you swoon.

“The love of my life looked so serious how could I not comfort them by bestowing my loving embrace upon them.” he pouted prompting an automatic eyeroll.

“Okay you dork,” you pecked his cheek to reassure him before pushing him away, “Now go take a shower before you stink up the whole place. I didn’t spend that much money on scented candles for you to ruin it with your sweat.”

“Whatever my love commands, i shall do.” With one last kiss to the back of your neck, Motoya walked away from you and into the washroom.

God, even though three years had passed since you started dating the volleyball player you couldn’t help but feel giddy over him. You used to think that it was only in fiction that people didn’t get completely and utterly bored with their partners.

“So i was thinking,” Motoya started as the two of you lounged on the sofa with your legs perched up on his lap as the two of you searched for something to watch.

“Oh dear, that’s never a good sign now is it?”

You laughed as he flicked the back of your feet, briefly making a quip about how you should moisturise more before looking at you and continuing his earlier sentence, “What if we have a game night or something for Christmas?”

“Hah?” You sat up at that and frowned at him, “Babe won’t that be like really irresponsible? We’re still in danger from the virus and shit.”

“No no,” he shook his head vehemently as if the very thought of breaking safety protocols was terrifying, “Like a virtual thing. I was talking to a few of my old teammates from high school and shit so they were telling me how they had a virtual party for a birthday so I dunno.”

“Look, I know we’ve both been in sort of a funk recently and you haven’t been feeling the vibe for this year either but I just thought it would be nice to go through our routine and just try to enjoy ourselves?”

“What would we even play though?” You mused as you looked at the boy who seemed to beam at the prospect of not having his idea shut down.

“I already googled that shit,” Motoya giggled as he leaned forward to press a light kiss to your lips, “You really should start moisturising babe.”

“Yeah yeah,” you pecked his nose, briefly wondering if people would hate how absolutely cringey the two of you were as a couple, “Does that mean we’re going to go through all the traditions?”

“Mm, of course. The others might not want to but we can do it ourselves right?”

“Yeah,” your enthusiasm for Christmas was still pretty much nonexistent but as you looked at your boyfriend who was showering you with kisses you couldn’t help but think that you didn’t have to be enthusiastic for Christmas at all.

Christmas Eve was surprisingly amazing.

The two of you had woken up at the same time, which was odd considering that Motoya always woke up before you for his training. A part of you wanted to stay snuggled up next to him in bed but there was a slightly bigger part of you which wanted to start with the festivities already.

Like all Christmases before today, it started with baking. Of course neither of you were that great at cooking so you had ordered the batters for everything that you were supposed to make.

The cookies and plum cake were first, considering that the mixes for them were the easiest to navigate through , the gingerbread house was next. You and Motoya had always had a certain amount of fondness for assembling the house , maybe it was because of the food fight that usually used to follow that used to prompt you to head to the backyard to hose each other down.

The second event was of course getting ready to wear the ugliest possible Christmas outfits the two of you could find. There was one Christmas, the very first one that you two spent together where you dressed up in attractive clothes taking inspiration from the Mean Girls outfit and while Motoya had appreciated that he had immediately made you swoon when he said that he would love to dress up in ugly outfits starting next year.

With your and Motoya’s nails painted with bright red and green nail polish and the two of you dressed in equally bright (and horrendous) red and green sweaters, you sat down with your laptops in front of you and logged into the zoom meeting.

Sakusa was the first one there of course, always the one to be ten minutes before the given time no matter how much he hated events like this, you and Motoya smiled triumphantly as his eyes narrowed in to look at something on the screen and his nose turned up in disgust.

“What in the hell are the two of you even wearing?”

The look of sheer disgust filled the two of you with a sense of pride , after all that was always the wanted reaction for you two. Second to horror of course.

“Are the others not here yet?”

“There are a few in the waiting room, I’ll just let them in.”

“Babe didn’t you disable the waiting room?” You questioned as you saw Motoya accept everyone individually.

He just looked at you with wide eyes with his eyebrows scrunched up, “Wait you can do that?”

You let out a snort before taking his laptop from him, out of the two of you you had always been the more tech savvy one.

“Heya everyone!” You tried to mask the awkwardness you were feeling as you greeted the handful of people who had joined in. Motoya and you wanted it to be a “small event” so you hadn’t invited many people in the first place except for a few of your mutual friends and Sakusa, “Thank you for joining us. Motoya and I didn’t want Christmas to suck so we figured something like this would be sorta fun.”

The circle you and Motoya mostly ran in was a close knit one where everyone knew each other and honestly you preferred having this than being surrounded by a bunch of fake people with whom you couldn’t be yourself.

Akira, your oldest friend and the person who had introduced you to Motoya in the first place was adorning her favourite cosplay , one of some character called Uravity and she smiled at you (well you assumed it was at you) before opening her mouth, “MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU WHORES.”

You winced at the loudness of her tone, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to connect your laptop to the Bluetooth speaker, “Akira my love, are you drunk already?”

“What’s Christmas without eggnog?” Akira grinned at you before picking up a piece of fried chicken and biting into it, “Besides, I’m exhausted as fuck this Christmas so you can’t judge me.”

“If you’re all exhausted and shit then why the fuck are you cosplaying?” Ryo, a teammate of Motoya's, grumbled as he looked at his screen. Surprisingly enough Ryo and Akira went to the same college, when you and Motoya got together it was a bit surprising to see that so many of the people you knew were somehow connected to him.

“Ryo stop being mean to Akira, she can do whatever she wants to do.” Like a true mom friend Azusa let out a soft sigh as he looked at the people on his screen. Azusa, was probably the only “new addition” you had to your group.

It was a bit surprising to say this but it was Sakusa who had introduced you and Motoya to the purple haired man who became your friend instantly. Apparently Azusa was one of the only people Sakusa respected enough to introduce to his circle, even his MSBY team members hadn’t received that privilege yet.

“Why can’t you all just shut up?” The final person in your tiny little group spoke up as he hid his face with the cloth of his turtleneck , “You guys are way too loud.”

“Now now,” Motoya intervened, “Why don’t we all start with the games already?”

Ryo’s lips turned up to form a competitive grin, “Of course, I’m going to pummel all of you to the ground.”

“Not if i pummel you first you stupid hoe,” Akira yelled at her screen but it was obvious that the declaration was meant for the only person who considered to be her rival (who she used to watch disney movies with and cried)

Sakusa had won all the games.

They didn’t play many games , just a few basic ones like Pictionary , bingo, and some trivia. They added a little spice to it by incorporating sharpies, drinks and junk food into the equation but at the end of it all, Sakusa was the only one who was fully sober while the rest were stuffed and tipsy and had drawings all over their face.

“FUCK,” you raised your head from Motoya’s shoulder and looked at the small square box where Ryo was staring at his lap? table? well whatever it was, “WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THAT I WAS USING A PERMANENT MARKER ON MY FACE?”

You let out a loud laugh as you looked at his face, there were drawings all over it - a proof that he lost miserably against Sakusa’s prowess - and the fact that he couldn’t get rid of it easily combined with her tipsy state , she burst into laughter.

The kind of laughter that made it hard to breathe and was so painful that you had to clutch your stomach , despite knowing that doing so had absolutely no impact on the pain you felt. Your laughter must’ve triggered a domino as everyone who was present in the zoom meeting started cackling, except for of course Ryo who was staring at all of you angrily.

“Whatever I’m leaving you assholes,” Ryo grumbled as he moved towards his laptop before moving back, “I’m only leaving because my mother is calling me so don’t bother pestering me to join again. Merry Christmas and bye you dicks.”

“Hey guys,” Akira’s girlfriend, Sumire, popped up on her screen and smiled sheepishly at the group, “Kira’s completely knocked out so I’m just gonna tuck her in. I’m sure she appreciated this, she’s been feeling funky lately.”

“No problemo Sumire,” you smiled at the girl, “the pleasure was all ours. Merry Christmas beautiful!”

Sumire blushed at the compliment before smiling at everyone, “Merry Christmas everyone, good night.”

“Aight I’m gonna sleep. I have work to finish tomorrow , this was fun guys.” Azusa smiled at them wryly as he clutched his head , he had always been the most sensitive to alcohol in their group.

“Good night Zuzu!”

The boy blushed at the nickname before growling angrily , “STOP CALLING ME THAT.”

You and Motoya shared a laugh as he left, the only people who were left in the meeting now were the two of you and Sakusa who seemed like he was on the verge of falling asleep then and there.

“Goodbye.”

Never mind , Sakusa left as well.

You laughed at his antics , already expecting an eloquent text about how the event was fun from the MSBY player, before you moved forward to shut down your laptop and Motoya’s laptop.

“Are we gonna get up to wash our face?” Motoya grumbled as he pulled you back into his arms.

“We can wait till tomorrow can’t we?” You nuzzled into his neck before placing a soft kiss there, “Thank you for doing this love. It was really fun.”

“Mm,” he nodded slowly , “it was. Maybe next year it will be better?”

“We can only hope can’t we?” You raised your head to press soft kisses on his face, “Besides as long as I’m with you, every Christmas is amazing.”

Motoya stared at you for a moment before the two of you burst out laughing, “That was so cheesy!”

“I know right? I almost couldn’t keep a straight face when I said it.”

“I love you so much,” Motoya leaned down to kiss you languidly before resting his forehead on yours, “I’m gonna marry you someday.”

“Bold of you to assume I’ll say yes.”

“I know you will. Weren’t you the one who asked me to marry you on our first date?”

“That was because you gave me cake!”

“Yeah yeah,” Motoya moved in his position to make you more comfortable as you laid on his chest, “Merry Christmas love.”

“Merry Christmas handsome.”

[fugitivestogether]

3, 44, 46!!

First off, thank you SO much for the prompts - I’m so sorry that it took forever to finish this. It’s pretty long, but I enjoyed working on this. Whether this is canon to their story and how it goes down 100%, I’m not too sure, but the sentiments behind it for sure are! 

I love thinking about Sparks and Anders post DA2 so these prompts were a great way to write about that. 💗💗 Please don’t feel obligated to read this...gush nonsense. (it’s pretty much just gushing, TBH) but I felt like I wanted to post it to feel like I ‘finished’, if that makes sense. Thanks again!!

Hawke’s never been good with words. Not when it comes to goodbyes. But it’s not a real goodbye. Not really.

 Then why does Anders look so forlorn? Why do they feel like their heart is tearing in two straight down the middle at the thought of having to leave their beloved mage?

 It isn’t that Anders is weak - far from it. He’s way more powerful a mage than they’ll ever dream of being, magically and mentally. And they know that Justice is still there, keeping his friend safe. Hawke trusts Isabela and Fenris, both whom Anders will be staying with while they deal with this mess - far, far away from Skyhold and Orlais.

 It’s their own fear; fear that something will happen and this will be the last time they’ll ever see one another. Hawke can’t stand being apart from Anders; they hate it.

 But they hate the idea of Anders and Carver being susceptible to this fake ‘Calling’ even more. And if Corypheus really is behind it…well, they’d just have to kick his bony ass again, wouldn’t they? No one messes with their family and gets away with it.

 “I wish I could come with you,” Anders whispers next to them, breaking their Darkspawn murdering  thoughts.

 Hawke immediately turns toward him, despite not having much light to see. “I wish you could, too. But besides Varric, we don’t know if we can trust the Inquisition,” they offer, letting one hand pat its way in the dark before finding and cupping his cheek. “He says the Inquisitor is alright, but…what’s his face is there - Meredith’s old bootlicker, and I don’t want him anywhere near you.”

 Anders lets his own hand rest over theirs, nuzzling their palm and sighs, the sound resigned but empty.

“I just…I hate thinking about what could happen if you come with me. I can take care of myself…but I’d die if something happened to you.” Hawke takes hold of his other hand, lifting it to their lips and kissing the back. “And Skyhold is so close to where all this bullshit is happening, y’know? I remember what happened with Corypheus…” Hawke closes their eyes and the memories flood back just at the mention of that freak’s name. “I don’t want him to hurt you again.”

 The vivid image of Anders holding his head in agony, voice laced with pain and begging for their help before Corypheus managed to take hold for even that quick moment...it’s just too much. It still brings Hawke nightmares, only they didn’t expect the reality of that horror could happen once again.

 “I won’t let him,” Hawke murmurs, kissing Anders’ knuckles. “He’ll hurt you or Carver over my dead body.”

 Anders slips his hand out of their grip, his arms wrapping around them and pulling them flush against him. “I don’t want it to be over your dead body,” he says, his forehead pressing gently to theirs. There’s a pain in Anders’ voice along with fear, and Hawke doesn’t doubt that it’s like the one that’s bubbling in their own heart at the thought of losing their beloved. Hawke’s hands rest on his back, sliding up to cup his neck. “Then it won’t be.”

 Hawke moves as Anders does; they both must have the same idea, feeling his lips press just barely against their own. They kiss him back, tentatively, a few light pecks back and forth.

 “I don’t want to lose you,” Anders whispers with another kiss, this one lasting longer than the others.

 Hawke responds in kind. “You never will.”

 Their drawn out kiss eventually melds into a series of rapid, messy kisses - desperate, as if this is all just reassurance that they’re still here, together. Their hands wander to any place they can touch, mapping one another’s bodies and committing it to memory.

 They soon feel Anders’ hands on their face, and in that moment, the clouds break. Moonlight streams into their tiny room and illuminates them both.

 “Kiss me,” Anders pants breathlessly, but his demand is clear. From the look in his eyes, Hawke realizes: he doesn’t just want them to kiss him.

 He needs them.

 That’s more than okay. Hawke needs him, too.

 “Always,” Hawke replies, leaning in to kiss him: sweetly. Completely.

  --

  “Everything’s just about finished,” Isabela says while approaching. “You ready to go?”

 Anders shakes his head, his hand grasping at Hawke’s just a bit more tightly. “I’m sorry, Isabela. Please, I need a few moments.”

 “I’d normally say it’s rude to keep a lady waiting…” Isabela trails off.

 Fenris huffs, folding his arms. “You are no ‘lady’.”

 “True. I’m a Captain,” Isabela states while reaching over to flick his ear, which only causes him to scowl even more. She turns back to them and winks. “Ready whenever you are. Let’s try not to prolong the goodbyes, hm?”

 Hawke watches both Isabela and Fenris walk back to her ship before turning to Anders.

 “At least you won’t be bored with them around,” Hawke chuckles, their laugh dying down when they see Anders’ expression. “Hey. Everything’s gonna be alright,” they tell him, taking hold of his other hand, swinging both their arms gently from side to side. “I’m gonna be back to annoying you so fast that you’ll wish that I was still at Skyhold bothering Varric.”

 “Any time spent away from you is too long for me,” Anders says plainly.

 Hawke can’t help the pleased giggle that escapes. “Ooh, look at you being romantic. Well, the feeling is mutual, hon, but my statement still stands.” They lean in closer, standing on their tip toes and smile up at him. “When all this is over…we’re going to free mages everywhere and nothing will ever keep me from you again.”

 Anders’ head leans in, his hands leaving theirs as his arms wrap around them, and Hawke lets their arms rest over his shoulders.

 “Promise?” Anders whispers, brown eyes searching theirs.

 He doesn’t wait for an answer, kissing them like this really will be the last time they’ll ever see each other. Hawke doesn’t want to think about it too much. They have to be positive. They’ll have someone waiting for them to come back, after all. Hawke returns the kiss with as much of themself as they can pour into it, to let him know just how loved he truly is.

 Hawke honestly could have stayed there in his arms for eternity but Isabela’s wolf whistle interrupts.

 “Looks like fun,” she calls out from the side of her ship. “Is sharing an option?”

 Hawke laughs when they break the kiss, shaking their head. “Only if he gives permission, ‘Bela!” Their laughter only growing louder when they hear her groan in frustration.

 “Hawke?” comes Anders’ voice, claiming their attention once again. He leans down and kisses them on their forehead. “Come back to me,” he pleads, murmuring against their skin.

 Nodding, Hawke grins. “And let me guess; that’s an order, not a request?” ”You know me so well, love,” he pulls back and smiles gently in return.

 Parting from one another after one last kiss, Hawke winked. “I’ll be back faster than you can say ‘Templars smell like bronto breath’, you’ll see!”

 The laugh they get out of him is worth the pain of leaving. Hawke steps back, hating how they feel him squeeze their hand one last time. They hold on, even until it’s only their finger tips, and finally, (unfortunately), they let go completely. Hawke watches helplessly, heart wrenching with each step Anders takes toward the boarding plank.

 Once he’s on board and Isabela’s crew starts moving about again, Hawke cups their hands around their mouth, calling out to the Captain. “Take care of him for me, ‘Bela! Fenris!”

 “In more ways than one!” Isabela calls back and Hawke can only imagine the look on Fenris’ face.

 They stand on the dock, unable to help blowing one last kiss to the love of their life, waving goodbye as long as Anders does once the boat leaves harbor and begins to set out toward open water. They continue waving, even long after Isabela’s boat is a black speck on the horizon. Only after then, does Hawke adjust the bag strapped across their chest and sigh, readying for the pain-in-the-ass trip it’ll be to Skyhold.

 Damn…they miss their beanpole.

 --

 Anders leans over the stares back in the direction of land. “...templars smell like bronto breath…” he mumbles into the wind, thumb rubbing the golden band on his left ring finger.

 “Hmm? Did you say something, sweet thing?” Isabela asks, still manning the wheel.

 Bringing his hand up to his lips, he smiles against the ring. “Nothing, Isabela. Nothing,” Anders reassures her.

[imbeccablee]

Old Wounds

Author’s Notes: me? writing half a fic on the day it’s due? it’s more likely than you think.

LMAO anyway I hope you enjoy it! I’m quite proud of it, even if it’s a little rushed.

archive link will be in the reblog

TW: panic attacks, references to past abuse

Summary: You learn things when you grow up like Izuku did.

Izuocha Week 2020: Injury/Recovery

You learn things when you grow up like Izuku did.

Stuff like how to disappear into a crowd, or how to predict the immediate future based on someone’s tone of voice, or how to cry so silently nobody can hear and find you, hidden in the janitor’s closet or wrapped tightly in your blanket.

You know.

Fun things.

While other kids were learning their friends’ favorite foods and hobbies, Izuku learned how to hide. While other kids were learning boundaries and communication between peers, Izuku learned that simply being present and participating was crossing the line. While other kids learned how to love themselves, Izuku learned he didn’t deserve to be loved.

That last one might be a little harsh, a little hyperbolic, but when you’re alone for so long with only your regretful mother to say she cares, that kind of thinking tends to be the norm.

To put a long story short, Izuku had a very, very lonely childhood.

And then Izuku went to U.A.

It was… an adjustment, to say the least. His classmates were so kind and his teachers were tough, but fair. His peers wanted to be his friend, they thought he was cool, heroic, even. There were no sneers, no cruelty, no hatred. As far as they were all concerned, Izuku belonged there. And it felt good, wonderful even. And that feeling lasted for a long time, held strong in the face of villain attacks and grueling schoolwork alike. Izuku felt more alive than he had in years and he believed nothing could ever bring him down to that low, horrible point he’d been not four months ago.

And, well… He was wrong.

---

It’s stupid, he knows this. He knows his friends, knows Uraraka, and they don’t mean anything by it. They’re laughing at her exasperation, because he exasperated them, and it’s supposed to be funny, it is funny, but he can’t shake the feeling that he’s, well… dying. 

Not literally, of course, because that’s also stupid; he’s fine and just hanging out with his friends, and they’re just joking around, of course he’s not in danger. But there’s a tightness to his chest, a stiffness to his posture, and he can see flashes of a classroom behind his eyes. It’s nondescript and boring, and it’s filled with students in black, gray, and white, teenagers not too much younger than Izuku’s classmates now, and it clashes so terribly with the warm atmosphere of the lounge.

Izuku’s breath quickens as his throat closes and as the seconds (or minutes? Hours?) pass, it gets harder and harder to differentiate the two images until they all but align with one another.

The students in the dreary, old building stand above him now, towering over him as he cowers on the cold, hard linoleum, trying desperately to understand why they’re laughing, why they find it so funny that he has a dream, why it’s so hard to believe he could do it. Why is it so hard for them to just let him be, he just wants to be a hero, just like them, why do they care so much, why did they hurt him, he’s done nothing wrong, it wasn’t his fault! 

But they keep chanting and chanting that horrible, horrible name at him, burning it into his skin, marking him with a scarlet letter, until it’s the only thing he can think.

Deku, deku, deku, deku, deku, dekudekudekudekudekudekudekud—!

“—eku! Deku!”

Izuku snaps back into himself suddenly, gasping for air and vision blurring. He feels strangely cramped and uncomfortable, and as he slowly focuses, he realizes it’s because he’s curled into a tight ball on the couch.

Slowly, breathlessly, he pulls his arms from around his head and lowers his feet back to the floor, and he sees his new classmates, his beloved friends standing before him, worried. They’re so tall compared to him this way, leaning over him and taking up his entire field of vision, and again he sees images of events long since passed flicker through his mind. He pushes those thoughts away because the people before him now aren’t like that, they’re kind and good, they would never hurt him like that, so why—?

Izuku realizes Uraraka is talking to him still, and forces himself to focus on her words. “—eally scaring us, are you okay?”

Izuku blinks and feels something leave his eye. He doesn’t need to touch it to know it’s another tear.

It’s stupid. The whole thing is so stupid. It was just a stupid joke, a light barb just meant to tease, why’d he have to ruin it by freaking out so badly? There’s no reason to react like that, falling so far they had to call for him. They wouldn’t ever hurt him like that, certainly not Uraraka, he had absolutely no reason to go and worry them like this. He’s pathetic. Pathetic.

Patheticpatheticpatheticpathetic—

“Midoriya?” It’s Iida now, calling for him, snapping him out of his thoughts, and Izuku feels a sharp frustration run through him.

“I’m fine,” he says automatically and shoots to his feet. His friends stumble backward, surprised by his sudden movement, and Izuku wants to beat himself bloody. “I’m just a little tired, I’m gonna check in now, see you all tomorrow, goodnight.” His mouth runs on autopilot, listing the normal farewells like a robot. His eyes are locked on the elevator as he speedwalks toward it and no one stops him. He doesn’t turn back even as he enters and slams the button for the second floor too hard. 

When the doors close, he allows himself to break.

---

Ochako and the others (Iida, Todoroki, and Tsuyu) watch as Deku disappears behind the elevator doors, stunned and worried. 

Her mind rapidly plays through the past couple of minutes, trying to figure out what exactly had caused Deku to freak out so much, but nothing that’d happened could have been that bad, could it? The five of them had just been joking around, enjoying each other’s company. They began reminiscing. Ochako teased Deku about his recklessness, or something, though maybe it had been about his hero obsession or his tendency to get into trouble; the specifics of it seems to have left her, probably swept away in the midst of all the action. 

It doesn’t really matter what specifically had happened though. All that mattered is that it hurt Deku. 

That’s probably what’s throwing Ochako so much. The fact that it had been her words that had cut so deeply somehow, that it’s her fault he felt he needed to flee. He had looked so scared as they stood above him, but it wasn’t any fear she had ever seen on him before. It wasn’t like the horror at seeing villains infiltrating their school, or the terror of being face to face with a man who could tear you apart with a single touch. It isn’t even the fear itself that sits so wrong with her. It’s the resignation that was in his eyes, as if he was expecting something from them and had accepted he couldn’t stop them. That fear was learned and… he was used to it.

She had caused that. She made him feel so afraid.

“I do wish he would talk to us,” Iida says suddenly, and when Ochako turns to him, she sees he has a far off look in his eye, like he’s stuck in a memory.

It ends quickly, however, and he comes back into himself with a small shake. Upon seeing them all staring at him, waiting for him to elaborate, his cheeks go a bit pink. “Ah, I just mean… Midoriya always seems a bit preoccupied these days. The first few times I noticed it, I made sure to remind him that he could talk to me—or any of us, really—if he needed it, but he would always just smile, thank me, and change the subject.” He sighs. “It never became any better, but I feared if I kept telling him the same thing over and over, he would get defensive or offended or…” Iida shakes his head, seemingly at a loss.

Todoroki nods. “Yeah, that sounds like Midoriya.” He gives a sigh of his own. “For someone so keen on sticking his nose in other people’s business, he’s incredibly dodgy about his own issues.”

Ochako is struck, then, by a thought that always seems to emerge whenever Deku’s involved. Who protects a hero when they need protecting?

Iida isn’t the only one who’s noticed how often Deku gets lost in his head. Honestly, she’d be surprised if anyone in their little friend group missed it whenever Deku got quiet and far away. He’s not really subtle about it, but he’s really good at flipping the subject or brushing off concern. So good, in fact, it kind of worries Ochako, if she’s honest.

She hadn’t ever tried to confront him about it, though. Honestly, she’s been kind of avoiding him over the last few weeks. Sometimes her heart just gets too loud and she can’t concentrate on anything other than him, and she can’t stand it. She was never in the right mind to talk about heavy things, so admittedly she hoped one of their other mutual friends had gotten him to open up about whatever was bothering him, but… 

It seems none of them were successful.

“I wish we could help him,” Ochako says, eyes now glued on the closed elevator doors, like they’ll suddenly part and Deku will emerge, spilling his heart out for them to hear and help. They stay decidedly shut.

“Well, there’s only so much we can do if he doesn’t want to tell us, kero,” Tsuyu reasons and Todoroki nods. 

“It’s not as if we can fight it out of him,” he comments, before a contemplative look crosses his face. “... Could we?”

“Of course not!” Iida immediately shuts down as Ochako and Tsuyu breathe out a halfhearted laugh. “That is not proper conduct on how to approach delicate subjects!”

“It worked for the two of us,” Todoroki shoots back. As Iida sputters about how that’s not quite the same thing, Ochako allows herself to laugh fully, if only to distract herself from the worry gnawing at her heart. Silently, she thanks Todoroki for breaking the oppressive atmosphere that’s fallen over them.

“I-In any case,” Iida moves on after nearly a full minute of stammering insistences that they couldn’t beat Deku better like he had admittedly done to them. “Any attempt to help Midoriya with his problems will have to wait until tomorrow. It is getting late and though I had allowed it before in the name of jovial banter and much-needed relaxation, I cannot in good conscious let us stay up any longer than we already have. We should retire so that we have ample energy for tomorrow’s classes.”

The other three of them give hums of agreement and the girls part from the boys.

On the elevator to the girl’s side of the dorm, Ochako must still look worried, because Tsuyu places a hand on her shoulder and says, “Don’t worry, Ochako. Midoriya will be fine. We’ll all make sure of it.”

She knows this; really, she does. But it doesn’t really stop the ache in her chest nor does it stop the image of Deku looking so, so afraid of her from burning into her mind’s eye.

Still, she smiles and thanks Tsuyu. It’s all she can really do.

---

Ochako can’t sleep.

She lies there, face up, staring at the ceiling with tired eyes and a racing mind. Try as she might, she can’t force herself to ignore the worry and concern that bites and tears at her heart. The scene from before keeps playing over and over in her mind, and she can’t help but try and figure it out. What exactly was it that she said that caused Deku so much distress? Is it something she knew about before and forgot was a trigger for him? Is it something he had never told her because he didn’t think it would be a problem? Or because he didn’t trust her with it? Is it something new, even to him?

You know, now that she thinks about it, for all she calls Deku her best friend, she actually knows very little about his life before U.A. She doesn’t know anything about him besides the fact that he and Bakugou went to the same middle school and, as such, have a sort of history together. For the life of her, she can’t recall any details outside of the ones she’s learned over the past few months: wants to be a hero, analyses heroes as a hobby, has an unusually high pain tolerance, has a concerning lack of self-preservation, used to be really skittish and tense at the beginning of the year… 

Ochako blinks and considers the last three points. The pain tolerance could easily be explained away by his destructive quirk, but the other two… She thinks about Deku, curled so tightly into a ball as to take up as little space as possible. She thinks about the combined fear and resignation in his eyes as his friends stood over him, as if he was waiting for something that never came. She thinks about how he cried and babbled about how “it wasn’t his fault”, how he’s “done nothing wrong.”

She remembers how he used to jump at every touch and sudden movement. She remembers him telling her how “deku” was an insult. She remembers the excitement that shown in his eyes when she first called him her friend, how quickly he had started crying, how he had brushed her concern off by saying he was “just so happy.”

And, well… she thinks she might cry.

She doesn’t know what Deku’s life was like before U.A., not really. But she can make a good fucking guess.

Before Ochako knows it, she’s out of her dorm and halfway to the elevator. She can feel a boiling rage rush through her veins even as she berates herself again and again for not noticing, not realizing, and for being so incredibly careless with her words. They had all just been joking around, but that’s not an excuse. She had dearly hurt her best friend without even knowing how and Ochako will not let another minute go by without Deku knowing how sorry she is.

She tries to form some sort of script as she makes her way to the boy’s side of the dorm, sneaking through the dark lounge area and taking the stairs to avoid the loud elevator, but through her conflicting feelings, she can barely get passed the phrase “I’m so sorry, Deku” before she’s in front of his door.

Ochako stares at it, lips pursed and veins thrumming, trying to dredge up something more than a halfhearted apology. He deserves more than that, especially from her.

Fed up with her stalling, she lifts her fist and quietly raps twice on Deku’s door, resolving to just… wing it.

She waits for a full minute, ears straining for any sound indicating movement, before she deflates. He’s probably asleep. It has to be past midnight by now, there’s no reason why he would still be awake. Ochako’s had her fair share of panic attacks before and they are quite exhausting.

Still, she came up here to talk. She won’t be able to sleep if she doesn’t get her feelings out. Even if she’s only speaking to a door.

“Hey, Deku,” she whispers, leaning her side into the door. She crosses her arms and tries to feel less small. “I… I know you’re probably asleep, so I won’t talk long, I just… I couldn’t stop thinking about it, you know?” The side of her head gently thumps against the door. “You looked so scared and small, but it wasn’t anything I’d ever seen on you before. It… Honestly, it didn’t really belong on your face. The Deku I know is brave and steadfast and so incredibly kind, that kinda fear had no right to be on you.” 

Ochako breathes in slowly and softly sighs it out. Her fingers clench on her arms and her words start to waver. “And… And it’s not just that either, I couldn’t… I couldn’t believe I had made you feel that. That something I said so flippantly had struck you so deeply, I just—” Ochako shakes her head despite it still being pressed into the wood. She sniffles and tries to steady her voice. “I’m so, so sorry. I never want you to look at me like that again. I’m supposed to be your friend, but I—I hurt you. I made you remember something awful and that’s—that’s not what a friend does. Friends make you feel safe. Friends make you feel loved. Just—I’m so, so sorry, Deku. I… hope you can forgive me.”

Ochako hears shifting from somewhere in his dorm and she holds her breath. But no one comes to the door.

She lets out a little breath, sagging. She takes a step away from his dorm, arms shifting to wrap around herself in a hug. “Right,” she says wetly. “Well, I’ll say all this to you again tomorrow. Hopefully I won’t cry. I know you’ll just feel bad for me then.” She laughs a little, but the sound falls flat. 

She takes one, two steps away, and is nearly fully turned toward the stairwell when she hears a door open.

She turns back to face it and sees Deku’s door is slowly swinging open, its new hinges nearly silent as it does. Deku doesn’t appear in the doorway, but the invitation is clear.

Apparently, he had been awake.

Ochako steadies herself, nodding and murmuring “right” under her breath before she slowly makes her way into Deku’s dorm, closing the door behind her.

Deku’s balcony door is open and he is leaning over the side, arms propped on the railing and gaze skyward. Ochako swallows and makes her way over to him, sidling up on his side with an appropriate amount of space between them. 

For a long time, neither of them spoke. They only stare up at the night sky together, watching as the moon slowly makes its way across it. Ochako’s already said her piece, all that’s left is for Deku to respond.

Ochako doesn’t know how long they stand together, but it’s enough that she starts to feel the chill of the night seep into her pajamas. Just as another shiver crawls up her spine, Deku whispers, “Thank you for apologizing.”

She blinks and turns to face him. He has a soft look on his face, off put by the red rimming his eyes and the tear stains on his face. He looks exhausted, but he has a tiny smile on his face as he gazes upward, looking gently happy and relieved. Ochako’s heart stutters in her chest.

“Of—Of course,” she stammers. “We were all going to apologize tomorrow, I just kinda jumped the gun.”

Deku nods. “Still, it means a lot. And,” he continues, turning to face the brilliance of that beautiful smile in her direction. Her heart lodges in her throat. “I forgive you.”

“R-Really?” she chokes out, not really knowing why she’s surprised. This is Deku she’s talking about here. He was probably going to forgive her regardless of when or how she apologized. She doesn’t quite know how to feel about that, if she’s honest.

Deku nods, casting his eyes downward now, at his hands still suspended over the edge of the railing. “It wasn’t really your fault to begin with,” he says. “The whole thing is… kinda stupid, if I’m honest. I don’t know why I reacted like that, I’ve never had such a problem with teasing before.” He shakes his head. “I dunno.”

“It’s not stupid, Deku,” she protests. “Like I said before, you looked so afraid of us. Of me. I should have never said anything to make you think we were going to hurt you in any way.”

“I guess,” he concedes, but he still doesn’t look convinced. “I just—can’t help but feel like I ruined the whole evening, you know?” He laughs mirthlessly, his hands now clutched together tightly, and she wants to reassure him that he didn’t, but he’s already continuing, “Like, we were having fun, laughing and teasing each other, exchanging stories, and for some reason I flashed back to—t-to a place I put behind me. Honestly, I hardly thought about the place until today, it doesn’t—well, I thought it didn’t bother me anymore.”

“... Do you… want to talk about it?” Ochako asks.

“Not really.” His reply is so quick and unexpected Ochako flinches back. Noticing this, Deku quickly soothes, “Ah, I mean… it’s just a lot… and it’s already so late, so…“

“It’s fine, Deku,” Ochako says, waving a hand placatingly. “Really. I’m not going to make you talk about anything you don’t want to. But…” She hesitates, but gently sets her hand on his arm. “You can talk to me. Or any of us. I-I know Iida has already told you this and all, but really, Deku, you can.” He purses his lips, so she continues, “You’re our friend, and we want you to be okay. We want you to feel safe around us and be happy. None of us think you’re a burden. Okay?”

Deku’s eyes go a bit misty and his voice wavers as he says, “It’s just… it’s so hard sometimes… I-I’ve wanted to before, but my head, it just… suffocates me until I decide it’s not worth it.”

Ochako nods sympathetically. “Yeah, that… trust me when I say I understand. But it won’t ever get better if you don’t talk about it, you know? Regardless of what it is. And I dunno about the others, but I know I’ll drop everything the second any one of you needs help. Whether it’s homework or to vent or because you just need a shoulder to cry on.” Ochako smiles. “I’ll always be there for you. Okay?”

Deku sniffs and nods quickly. “Okay.”

Tension drips off of Ochako’s shoulders and she barely holds in a sigh of relief. “Okay… good.”

Deku gives her a lopsided smile and, after a moment of quiet between them, his cheeks turn a bit pink. “Um, Uraraka, c-can I… hug you?”

Despite the sudden screaming in her head, Ochako’s smile widens and she says, “Sure.”

His arms leave the railing and quiver in the air between them, and after a few seconds, she realizes that’s about as far as he can make himself go. Ochako breathes out a quiet laugh and steps into them, finishing the hug for him. He tenses as their torsos meet and her arms wrap around him, but after a moment, he lets out a shaky breath and tightly reciprocates. She can feel him shaking as she holds him, his cheek pressed tightly against the top of her head, and when she starts to feel something dripping into her hair, she pulls him closer, arms wrapping even tighter around him. She hopes he understands her silent message: I’m not going anywhere.

Eventually, they do pull away, once their exhaustion becomes too much to ignore. They share a sleepy smile with one another and Deku walks Ochako to his door. She opens it and is halfway out of it before she turns back to him and says, “Talk to you tomorrow?”

He chuckles, rubbing at his eye. “I think it’s already tomorrow.”

With a roll of her eyes, she corrects, “Then tonight.”

Deku smiles again, toothy and happy. “Yeah.”

“Good.” Ochako yawns, covering her mouth with her hand, and begins to walk out again as she says, “I love you, Deku.”

“Love you too, Ura…” They both freeze, exhaustion momentarily forgotten as dread fills the both of them to the brim.

Ochako whips around in a blur. “Pl-Platonically!! As friends!”

“Yep that’s exactly the same as me, just friends, nothing more!!” Deku nearly shouts in agreement, face as red as Ochako’s feels.

They stare at each other for a few seconds, eyes wide with similar expressions of mortification, before the ridiculousness sets it. Ochako’s mouth wavers before she snorts and lets herself laugh out loud, ignoring the wild thumping of her heart.

Deku looks so confused for a few breathless seconds, but he must catch on to the hilarity soon, because eventually he starts laughing along with her. Embarrassed, emotional, and just a little bit delirious, the two quickly become out of breath, wiping tears from their eyes and heaving in huge gulps of air.

“W-Well,” Ochako breathily giggles, feeling happy and light. “Good night, Deku.”

“Y-You too, Uraraka,” Deku responds, looking so incredibly beautiful with his huge smile, red face, and delighted red-rimmed eyes. Ochako takes a second to memorize it, wanting this perfect image of him to be burned into her mind forever, before she turns and makes her way down the hall, occasionally, turning to give a little wave goodbye to him, something he returns as he watches her go.

Ochako collapses into her bed soon after, feeling giddy and exhausted and so incredibly happy to be Deku’s friend. She falls asleep to the memory of strong, warm arms around her and the sound of tearful, relieved laughter ringing in her ears.

---

A few hours later, Ochako wakes feeling the exact opposite. She’s groggy and brittle and she knows she has to get up to tell the others that everything’s fine now, but she does not want to.

Eventually, she does, still with enough time to beat the rest of the class downstairs, with the exception of Iida, Todoroki, and Tsuyu. As she gets ready and makes her way down, she remembers her conversation with Deku, how relieved she had felt and he had seemed, and it’s enough to round her edges out, if only a little bit.

“Good morning, Uraraka!” Iida loudly greets, and Ochako decides that Deku’s happiness and laughter can only do so much. “You’re just in time for us to begin planning how to help Midoriya!”

“You look terrible,” Todoroki comments, to which Ochako gives him a withering glare.

“Did you sleep okay, kero?” Tsuyu asks and Ochako sighs.

“No, but that’s my own fault,” she grumbles and rubs at her eyes. “But that’s besides the point. We don’t need to do any planning, Deku is—”

“Hey, guys…” Speak of the devil.

The four of them turn towards the man in question as he approaches them, looking just as tired as Ochako but sculpting it very differently. He looks much less irritable than she with his smooth expression and small smile, one that is not too dissimilar to the one he gave Ochako last night after her apology. There’s a nervous energy about him as well, though Ochako supposes that’s fair; the last time the others saw him, he was frantic, crying, and afraid.

“M-Midoriya, how are you?” Iida quickly recovers, seemingly surprised that Deku had come to them.

“Better,” he says. He glances at Ochako before returning his gaze to the other three. “Uraraka talked to me last night, and apologized already. You guys don’t have to, I already forgive you. It was… well, not stupid, but I didn’t even know I would react like that, so I can’t exactly blame you guys for saying those things. And, um… “ He fidgets where he stands, eye contact faltering. “If you want to, um… can we talk? Sometime tonight?”

Ochako is taken off guard, and by the looks on the others faces, they are too. They all share a look, before Tsuyu asks, “Are you sure?”

“We don’t want to force you,” Todoroki adds on.

Deku nods resolutely. “Yes, I’m… I’m sure. I really, really want to talk with you guys.”

“Well,” Iida starts, misty-eyed. “We’ll be sure to listen.”

Deku gives them all another wonderful smile, looking relieved and so very happy.

The conversation soon moves on to today’s classes and what they all might do during their Heroics class, but Ochako isn’t really listening. She’s watching as Deku falls easily back into the conversation, comfortable and safe. She thinks about that fear she’d seen on him yesterday and how not one trace of it is left in his face, and she lets herself relax. 

Deku seems to realize she’s looking at him and he meets her gaze. He smiles brilliantly at her and her breath is stolen away like always. Normally, she would feel some sort of frustration at herself for that, but now, she relishes it. Her very dear friend is smiling at her with no reservations and with such contagious elation, what else can she do but reciprocate?

---

When you grow up like Izuku did, you learn things.

They’re not fun things, quite the opposite really, but along with those harsh lessons, Izuku learned how to treasure the truly good moments. And maybe one day, the cruel teachings of his childhood will give way to newer lessons, the ones he should’ve been able to learn before.

Izuku doesn’t know.

But what he does know is that standing in the lounge area, surrounded by his close and dear friends, Izuku has never felt more safe.

[mimiplaysgames]

Beloved Memories, in Notes (Vol. III)

Pairing: Terra/Aqua Rating: T Other characters: Ventus Word Count: 7,485 One-shot (part of a series) Pre-Birth by Sleep / Fluff / Mutual Pining / Sexual Tension

Summary: The Mark of Mastery is almost here. Nineteen-year-old Terra and eighteen-year-old Aqua have one last mission to complete before they they are evaluated for all the efforts they put into being Keyblade Masters. If only they had mastery over their own emotions.

AO3              FF.net

A/N: It’s FLUFF TIME!!  @holyteapotofrussell sent me this prompt:

“It’s three in the morning.”

For a romantic pairing, that sounds pretty smutty, but I can’t have them romancing just yet! So this was born instead. It’s long. It will be released in parts so the prompt will be addressed later. There was also no Ventus in the last chapter, so I had to really give our adorable little hero some screen time.  I also wanted to dedicate this beast, which took weeks to write, to my readers. It has been a very dark month. You guys are the only reason why this was finished, and the only reason why I continue writing. Thank you guys so much!!! You being there gives me so much meaning that no words can define. It’s the lifeline I rely on. <3

Title of the chapter is named after Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide.”

A Tale of Landslides, Pt. 1

Terra twirled the card detailing the goals of his next mission, written neatly in the Master’s handwriting, in his hand. He would share this mission with Aqua, who was currently busy drilling her dance movements. He learned to respect her time to that kind of dedication, since it was such an important aspect to her fighting style. It was also a craft that wasn’t shared with either him nor Eraqus - it was her own thing, her time for herself. 

This annoyed him a little though, not that he would ever ask her to stop dancing. He normally loved watching her, admiring her ability to adapt such beauty and grace to the way she commanded her magic. It proved fruitful, since he had been stumbling more often in their last several duels. And if he was going to be honest... watching her dance was also the one chance he got away with gazing at her.

But the Mark of Mastery was less than two weeks away. Eraqus had already informed them that an old friend of his, another Master, would be on his way to examine them. Another pair of eyes from a stranger, there to judge their performance. Terra needed the both of them to do well, including this mission. They’ve worked too hard for too long to make a bad impression on someone else who wouldn’t know a thing about them.

I’m sure Aqua is also nervous. Why else would she be dancing before we have to embark?

He entered the castle’s lounge, a spacious room featuring several desks and loveseats, a small library, a wardrobe, and massive windows with an unbeatable view of the mountains. We really need more students. This castle is far too big for us.

Ventus sat there alone with an open book, looking like he was working on an essay. Except he really wasn’t. He was doodling a mess of himself fighting monsters. Terra pulled on the backrest of the boy’s chair so that the blonde can look directly up at him.

“That looks like a fantastic essay you’ve got written there,” Terra said to the young boy who was showing off a grin, happy to see his oldest best friend.

But the grin quickly faded. “This book sucks,” was all Ventus had to say.

Terra let go of the chair and leaned over to read the cover of the book. Guidelines from the Philosophies of the Greats: On the Adjustment of a Keyblade Bearer’s Lifestyle. It was the driest book he and Aqua had ever studied, and it was mandatory. He didn’t understand why Eraqus still required it.

Terra didn’t grimace at the sight however, knowing that showing any sign of discouragement was going to make it so much harder for Ventus to start his essay - a feat that the boy already struggled with. It usually led to too many long nights before the deadline, rushing to finish it. Terra was often the one to help him, as Aqua quickly ran out of patience.

“You know, when you finish this book, it will do wonders for your sparring. It will completely change the way you approach fighting,” Terra said.

It was a lie. There was nothing in this book about fighting.

Ventus at first looked suspicious, then softened his expression as a timid excitement seeped through. “Really?”

“Of course. It’s the most important book that a Keyblader wielder needs.” Terra tried hard to keep a straight face.

Ventus put his doodles aside, curious to find out how the book would cater to his interests. It was then that Terra noticed another book underneath the messy stack of papers and pencils. It was battered and well-worn, displaying the image of a fox and a bear donning a bow and arrow. The Adventures of Robin Hood. This book belonged in the library normally, but if he were to open it, the very first page would grace the scratchy hand-written words of a ten-year old: this book belongs to Terra.

“What is this doing here?” Terra asked, a little smile curled on his lips as his heart pumped with childish excitement.

“Isn’t it the coolest book ever? It’s so much better than this crap.”

“Well, there’s nothing that could be better because Robin Hood is the greatest hero of all time.” He cleared his throat. “But it’s no excuse not to do your studies.” Terra flipped through the pages. He read this so many times that he could almost recite the entire thing. Images of his childhood imagination threatened to take his mind away. “I actually wanted to be exactly like him.”

“You know he reminds me of you.”

Terra flashed a look of disbelief at first, not certain if it was a genuine compliment or a jab. Still, he was proud of the comparison. Not that he had the time to respond, since Aqua rushed into the lounge, panting a little bit, and looking a bit more serious than what was usual after a drilling session. Dance normally perked her up.

“I’m ready,” she said as she approached Terra. She gave a small smile, but the tone of her voice forced optimism.

Yup, she’s stressed.

Ventus swung around in his chair. “I hate the both of you right now for leaving me here alone.”

“We don’t have a choice, Ven,” Aqua said as she gently brushed his hair. “You can always have the Master help you out.”

Ventus rolled his eyes. “All he’s going to do is criticize the way I do anything. Terra is much more fun doing the most boring things with.”

Terra snorted. “I hope that’s not all I’m good for.”

“And it sucks that I can’t do anything.”

Aqua let out a deep breath through her nose, her jaw a little tense. She normally was soothing and understanding of how isolated Ventus felt in the castle, but it seemed as though she was itching to get this mission over with. 

”C’mon Ven,” Terra said, “what do we make you repeat every time one of us goes away on a mission?”

Ventus let out an incredibly loud and snarky sigh as if to protest. “When you guys were my age,” he started with clear mockery and contempt, “you weren’t allowed to go out either.”

Terra gestured to Ventus to continue the speech.

And Ventus glared at him. “And one day, even though it will never happen because the Master is absolutely paranoid, I will be able to leave the grounds - let me mention that the Master took you guys out when you were young and never does for me.”

“That’s good enough.” Terra smirked. There was nothing he could do to ease his friend’s restlessness and feelings of abandonment except to keep the atmosphere uplifting. Aqua smiled sadly.

“Where are you guys going this time?” Ventus asked, seemingly unaware of her mood.

Terra held up the card with the details. “We need to guide a princess of a kingdom into following her destiny. Apparently, the forces of fate are stirring for her, and the Master doesn’t want her following a dark path. That’s where we come in.”

“And we can’t mess up,” Aqua said with a forced smile. They normally had a philosophy of keeping positive about their prospects, although her slightly perfectionist tendencies were definitely going to get in the way this time.

Well, we can’t always have a great outlook. I’m going to have to be the one to let her relax this time.

“We won’t,” Terra said as he gently squeezed her shoulder.

The two Keyblade wielders stood in the throne room, guards surrounding them. They were being questioned by the king and queen while their daughter, Merida, pleaded with them to listen to her. She tried to tell them that they had saved her from her horse reacting to a round of boars and throwing her off - hiding the fact that she was there to hunt them in the first place.

The queen in particular was much more concerned about the way Terra and Aqua looked and dressed. She focused on Aqua’s choice of hairstyle and how she refused to dress like a woman. She focused on Terra’s tan skin, and wondered where he had come from. Clearly, they were outsiders, and the queen feared an invasion. The king, however, burst into a fit of hysteria and dismissed his wife. He pointed to Terra and exclaimed that there was no way they could pose a threat since this pretty boy has eyelashes like a cow’s!

Merida used her father’s reaction as leverage to convince her mother that neither of them posed a threat and that they were her friends. So, please Mum, let them stay.

The queen was convinced to agree. The king pulled Terra aside while Merida  grabbed Aqua by the hands and led her away. The princess took quite a liking to her the moment they met. Aqua lingered back at him as she disappeared through a doorway.

The king listed the things he expected Terra to do as they walked through the stone castle halls. Hunting. Upkeeping the farms. Guarding the castle. He slipped into his long speech that Terra could not continue to dress the way he did. He took time to tell Terra of a tale where he faced a large, monstrous bear and how proud he was of his accomplishments (even though he failed to capture or kill said bear). He then introduced Terra as “the foreigner” to his men.

Terra was shown to his quarters, a large room of bunkers that he would share with the other servicemen in the castle. He was given what they called a kilt, and was dragged outside to start his chores. The other men flipped between calling him “pretty boy” and “foreigner” for nicknames. The latter made Terra’s skin crawl, though he tried not to let it terrify him. He focused on making himself seem as less threatening as possible. The last thing I need right now is to be thrown into the dungeon because they suspect I’m a spy or something.

When he sparred, he messed up on purpose in order to make it seem like he didn’t know what he was doing - despite that none of the other men posed a challenge to him. Nonviolent. As long as they understand me as nonviolent.

This invited more teases and laughs from the other men however, who then considered Terra as someone who wanted very hard to look like a man but could never be one. Terra bit his tongue each time they referred to him as a “lady,” and instead thought about ways to reunite with Aqua. He wasn’t allowed up in the princess’ ward of the castle, so he couldn’t just walk up to her.

Not that these restrictions in behavior were important to Aqua, or to Merida for that matter. He saw them together in the field while he was herding sheep. They were practicing archery and riding horses. Aqua wore a long brown gown made of cotton, indicative of maid work. She looked pretty. But she was pretty anyway in whatever she wore, even after grueling training sessions that left her sweating. She beamed a smile as she rode a horse for the first time in her life, radiant as her short hair bounced. A stress-free smile.

Terra forgot he had sheep to take care of. The men made sure to remind him of that as they guffawed about his pretty little head up in some maid-in-waiting’s bosom where it don’t belong. One of the sheep bayed as if she was in agreement.

Aqua noticed him from the distance and while on her horse, gestured with her head toward the forest behind the castle. It was to say that they should meet later that day, in private. Terra knew what was expected of him and how it should happen. He tended to his sheep with determination and focus to finish as fast as possible, and it kept the other men off his back. Knowing he will reunite with her was comforting enough to keep him going on with his meaningless chores.

With every single one of his sheep accounted for, Terra took the opportunity to sneak away when the other men gathered together for a late afternoon brew. He slid through the shadows in between the trees, leaving the castle behind, which sat in a valley amidst serene mountains that were threatened by storm clouds far away. Lakes rested in between, undisturbed by wind or any other force of nature. Taller mountains stood peacefully beyond with snow caps. It was a beautiful sight, very much like home.

Deep in the thicket, he placed his thumb and middle finger up against his tongue as he rolled it. He whistled three short times. Silence. A half hour later, after finding a clearing with a creek, he whistled three short times again.

Two long ones replied. This was the signal. Anytime they were separated in the mountains as children, this was their call to find each other.

Aqua arrived, her brown dress dragging the leaves on the ground and her short, choppy hair perfectly framing her face. Terra must have stared for a little too long because she suddenly got self-conscious.

“It’s called a dress, Terra. Sheesh.”

He forced a chuckle to hide his nervousness. “As long as you’re comfortable.”

She put her hands to her hips. “What about what you’re wearing?”

“A kilt.” He wrinkled his chin and swayed his hips back and forth. “It’s nice and airy. But... well...”

Something on his face must have given his anxious disposition away, because Aqua immediately gave him a knowing smile that told him she was ready to tease.

“What is it?” She grinned, not a single ounce of stress on her face and this was the way he liked her best.

“Well...” His voice wavered. “Some of the men, you know, kind of... don’t... wear anything underneath.”

She snorted very loudly and eased herself into laughter, the sound of which made his heart jump. She was most beautiful laughing, and he had to control the aching need to touch her.

He continued, “I’ve had my fair share of sights today as it is.”

“No!” Her hand was on her chest and her eyes were tearing from the laughter. “Tell me you’re-”

“Of course I’m wearing shorts under it, Aqua,” he stressed, his nose wrinkling as she laughed harder. “What is hard to deal with though is how the guys here just have these very specific expectations of how I am supposed to act - like I’m not worth their respect otherwise.”

“Tell me about it, it’s suffocating. I swear, I think the queen mentioned the length of my hair three times.” She composed herself and wiped her tears. “Merida really struggles under this kind of pressure, which is a shame because she has such spirit and she’s a great fighter. I’m grateful the Master doesn’t force such insignificant and stupid rules on us, it’s ridiculous. I wish I could take her with us.”

“I would like to do the same for her...” Terra started to say and then fell silent. He didn’t need to finish the sentence. They both knew that they could not mess with the political affairs of other worlds. Merida was just unlucky and he was no Robin Hood.

Merida however was lucky enough to have Aqua as a friend. She told him that she served mainly as a personal counselor for the princess: sparring with her, learning about archery, and meeting her trivial needs. Aqua gained the princess’ trust fairly easily.

“Anyway, I asked you to come here for a reason.” Aqua proceeded to take her brown dress off and toss it to the side, revealing a shorter but simple white cotton underdress with no sleeves. White was the best color on her. Her skin looked nice, too. She summoned her Keyblade and got serious, her upright posture ready to duel. “We can’t slack off.“

Terra summoned his own, grateful for the chance to practice so shortly before their exam. “Who said we would?”

Aqua, having trained with him since she was eight years old, utilized her acrobatic abilities to outmaneuver him. It was best for her not to directly encounter him head-on since he was a powerhouse, and she struck him whenever he left himself open, which happened more often than Terra would like to admit, since his attacks could get slow and wide as he pushed every ounce of strength into each blow. He could easily brutalize her if he caught her unguarded, but over time she barely allowed it. Of course, there was also her magic that he had to juggle as well. He bore magic too, but it never shone a light in comparison to her skill.

Because of this, Terra stumbled several times, as what had become usual in the last few weeks. Normally, he would have no trouble keeping up with her or making up for his mistakes. She has improved so much in the last couple of years and I’m now falling behind. I’m sure the Master has noticed my lack of performance. ...Am I not going to be able to pass the exam?

When their duel was over, Aqua headed over to the creek to rinse the sweat from her arms, neck, and face. He silently squatted next to her and did the same. It wasn’t just the Master that he worried about. For as much as he admired Aqua, he wanted her to reciprocate. He wanted her to continue to see him as an equal. What if she doesn’t think that I am good enough for her anymore? What if I drag her down?

“How did I do?” she asked. It was always the question that followed after a duel. Checking on their progress. This was the way the two of them held each other accountable for their work.

“You were incredibly difficult to pin down. You’ve been working hard, I can tell,” he said.

She sighed, sounding as if she was relieved. It made sense. Progress was always a good sign. Terra didn’t bother asking about his own performance, however. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear what she had to say.

She noticed that he didn’t ask and went ahead with her thoughts anyway. “I was pulling new moves on you. You’ll eventually get the pattern down in no time and start beating me. Definitely by the exam. I mean, you know me. You’ve done this longer and you’re an amazing fighter. You’ll see that I’ll get predictable again.” She leaned forward in order to meet his gaze, to make sure he got the message.

All of those words made sense. They were far softer than anything the Master would have told him. But it brought little comfort. The point was to be good enough to hear only words of praise out of her mouth. Terra nodded in return, thinking about how time had changed his perspective completely. Before, he had no trouble bracing himself for what she had to say. They were on this road to becoming Keyblade Masters together. Only together should they succeed, and only together could they improve.

But as he got older, as he noticed different features on her, as he started to feel new sensations in his body and the pangs of loneliness that came after, he yearned for her praise. He needed any ounce of proof that he could win her affections, that he could be something more than just her equal. It had been a few years since she was more to him after all. As time passed, it was less comfortable for him to hear her criticisms. He had to do better. He had to be better.

She smacked him on the shoulder, a gracious smile on her face. “Hey, I’m not talking to myself for my health.”

“Sorry.” He forced a grin. “There’s a lot to think about.”

“Yeah.” She nodded as she pursed her lips, the weight of the exam heavy in the air around them. But her eyes were bright and large and stunning anyway, and they locked with his. A pause between them. She chuckled and stood up, breaking the connection and it pained him a bit. She pulled her brown dress on and dusted off the dirt.

“I can’t imagine the queen’s fright if she saw me walking around in what is technically my underwear,” she said. “I’m relieved that we fought. I needed to get away from all of those pointless rules.”

It seemed as though she was trying to make him laugh, although he didn’t give her what she wanted. She cleared her throat and gestured her head behind her. “C’mon, Terra. There is this secret passage that I want to show you back at the castle.”

“Secret passage?”

“I asked Merida about it and she just showed it to me. It goes straight to her side of the castle.” She stepped toward him.

“So we’ll be sneaking around. The guys will never let it down if they ever find out.”

“Then don’t let them.”

Another lingering look. Another nervous chuckle, Aqua and Terra together wondering about the implication of what sneaking around was supposed to mean.

Two nights after that duel, Terra sat with his best friend inside a room tucked away within the secret passage of the castle. It was the safest place for them to converse without any interruptions, expectations, or demands. They sat atop some dusty crates that the tens of people living within the castle had all forgotten about, eating lamb meat. Though Aqua made a passing comment that it had no flavor.

“You know,” Aqua said, “the queen talked today about preparing Merida for a possible suitor for marriage. Three princes from other clans will arrive tomorrow.” She sounded a bit apprehensive.

“I can’t imagine that she would want that,” Terra said.

“Maybe this is what the Master meant by fates changing for her? What am I supposed to do, though, Terra? Am I supposed to comfort her and make her feel at peace with the ceremony?”

“It’s funny, I don’t actually think it’s the right thing to do.” Terra imagined what Robin Hood would do. To the depths of the deepest cracks of the earth with the idea of a forced marriage! But if only he was working in an actual fairy tale. He swallowed his flavorless meat, though he didn’t mind it. “But still... you can’t tell her not to see it through. We can’t actually affect how another world maintains its balance.”

“I know, but I’d hate to agree with the queen on this one.”

“Maybe you don’t have to.” Terra stopped eating. “So far, all we have done is observe. There is no darkness here. Maybe we should let it happen and see what Merida does.”

Aqua nodded unenthusiastically. Terra noticed for the first time that she had stopped eating a while ago. “What’s on your mind?” he asked.

Aqua smiled, though it wasn’t her usual calm, collected grin. She was worried again. “I was thinking about the Keyblade Master coming. You know, Master Xehanort? Remember him?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “He didn’t spend a lot of time with us, though. He dropped Ventus off, and spoke with the Master for the most part. He was a bit eccentric. He actually tuned that old piano in the ballroom, played for a bit, and then left rather abruptly when Ventus wouldn’t wake up. I remember him expressing a desire to have dinner with us. He was very nice otherwise.”

“I remember him being very knowledgeable when he was talking with the Master.”

“You nervous?”

“Well, if you ask me, he could never have a good reason to fail either of us. But that’s just the one day he will see us. He won’t get to see all the years we put into this.”

“There’s absolutely no way you can fail, Aqua.”

She sighed through her nose. “There’s no way you can fail, either. But even if we pass-”

“When.”

“Okay, when we pass...” Aqua looked a bit overwhelmed. “We have been training our whole lives for this. Aside from the house I left when I lost my family, I know nothing else except training for this one special day. We have been dreaming for this for so long. Once we become Masters, what is left for us?”

Terra found the question rather strange. What else would she want besides being a Master?

“You do realize we can suck as Masters, right?” He cut a piece of lamb, but did not eat it. “I mean, there must be some incentive to be good at our jobs. Think of all the opportunities we will get to fail at our missions. Think about this scenario: we could tell Merida to relax about the marriage, and then she murders him.”

Aqua laughed and it sounded genuine, as though he gave her an outlet to relax. He relished the thought that he could help her, even in small ways.

When she was done laughing, she opened her mouth as if to say something, but then stopped herself. She shuffled nervously and played with her food. Was she expecting a different answer from me?

“I’m so glad you and I are friends, Terra,” she said softly as she held his forearm. She meant it.

While this should have been fantastic news to Terra, a part of him hurt to hear it.

The arrival of the neighboring clan members was met with a welcoming ceremony. Terra stood outside with the other men, garnishing fur on his shoulders. The king requested that all of his men should wear fur, as a representative of his kingdom. Bagpipe performers were there to welcome the guests with their music. Terra knew that Aqua, who was still in the castle, was enjoying it. That was always her favorite part of exploring new worlds: participating in the kinds of ceremonies, traditions, music, and dances that everyone else shared.

All the guests were escorted into the throne room. The suitors did nothing but boast about their accomplishments. Their fathers boasted more. Terra kept to himself, not really wanting to be part of this. He could be spending the time differently, with more interesting things to do. Such as sparring. When the feast officially began, he found a table off to the side, away from the thrones where he can sit by himself, a tall mug of ale in his hand. Nothing but a wallflower, watching the other guests converse and play competitive drinking games.

Merida arrived with her parents, followed swiftly by Aqua. Terra had his drink to his lips when he saw her, forgetting that he should be taking a sip of it. Aqua wore a brown dress again, but this one was... tighter than her simple cotton dress, hugging her curves. When she approached him, he could tell there was  small embroidery detailing the fabric. She had a matching knotted headband around her head, contrasting with her blue hair.

“That looks tight,” he told her, gesturing above her.

Aqua reached to touch her headband as she sat down next to him. “It is. But is that all you have to say?”

All I have to say?

Terra never ventured into the territory of actually complimenting her looks. He always forced himself to stay calm when those kinds of feelings swelled. To hint at what he truly thought of her wasn’t anything he needed to do. Not yet anyway. He needed time.

But now she’s expecting me to say something.

“You look refined,” he said.

She scoffed and tugged at his fur, a contemptuous smile on her face. “You look refined, too.”

He laughed and sipped his drink. The immediate sensation that followed burned his throat and sent chills up to his forehead. This ale was the strongest he had ever tried. He looked over to Merida, sitting on the throne. It was quite obvious that she was frustrated, a huge scowl on her face as she crossed her arms. She tossed glares toward her mother when the queen wasn’t looking.

“She’s happy,” he said.

“It was incredibly difficult getting her into that corset,” Aqua said, lowering her voice, as if scared that anyone would hear her. “Have you met the suitors?”

Terra leaned over to her and whispered, “they’re idiots.”

Aqua closed her eyes slowly and pursed her lips, taking a long exhale. She quickly shook her head, as though she was trying to shake off the oncoming stress that she undoubtedly felt in the moment. She stared at Terra’s hands.

“What’s that like?” she asked with a gentle nod toward his drink.

“You won’t like it.”

“How would you know that?” She cocked her head to the side.

He looked at her, close enough to see the individual strands of her hair. His peripheral vision was aware of the tightness of her dress, the way it shaped her chest and waist. Stay calm. “Because I know you.” 

“So then what, I can’t try the drink out? I can’t relax and let go at a party?” She smiled and her eyes looked like they sparkled. Stay calm.

An older gentleman sat in front of them. This was a man Terra recognized, who often worked with the cows. He was normally pleasant, and answered any questions Terra had about the sheep without a witty remark. He had his own ale, his breath stinking of alcohol. He hiccuped and burped.

“That’s not a drink for cute ladies, lass, even ones who want to look like boys,” the man said to her.

Aqua’s pleasant expression froze for a bit as she stared at the man. Never, in the entire time that Terra knew her, did she ever tolerate being treated differently because she was a girl. But it wasn’t just this. Aqua could get competitive, sometimes strongly so if she was provoked enough. The flash in her eyes told him this.

The worst thing that could ever be said to her was that she was cute.

“We’ll see about that,” she said, in the most polite way she could have mustered it when she looked like she really wanted to slap the man.

She grabbed Terra’s drink from in front of him and took a large gulp. She shivered as her face contorted and her mouth was left open. When she composed herself, she narrowed her eyes at Terra, as if to say that she couldn’t believe he would ever go near such a nasty thing.

The man laughed at her, shaking his head at her hideous expression and took a huge swallow of his own drink.

Another man approached the table. He was younger, and wore the red kilt and blue facial paint that labeled him as part of the Macintosh clan. He placed his hand on Aqua’s shoulder. “What’s a proper lady doing with a drink like that?”

She pulled her shoulder away from his grasp.

“There is no such thing as a proper lady,” she told him, rolling her eyes in the most obvious way she could. She forced herself to drink more of the ale, frowning and distorting her chin with each swallow.

There she goes. Terra knew that she wouldn’t pass the chance of proving these morons wrong.

“Aqua,” Terra whispered to her. “You never drank this much before. Are you sure you’re going to be okay with this?”

She shot him a glare. That was the wrong thing to say.

As if betrayed by his question, she lifted the mug to her lips, taking several gulps of the ale without stopping. She finished, moaning from the disgust, and slammed the mug on the table. She continued to glare at him, the men around them laughing and teasing about her tenaciousness. She wavered a bit, blinking a bit too much. Her cheeks were flushed, and her frown severe. I’m not sure drinking that much that fast was a good idea.

The men continued to make jokes about her, and while she tried to interject, they never allowed her to. She was losing her sharp wit. Eventually, she was left to lean on her elbows as the men continued to taunt, unable to reply. She held her hand to her head, as though she had a headache. Part of it was probably the headband. Terra, afraid to say anything to provoke her further, watched her.

It was at this time that the queen had announced that a competition of some kind was to be held in order to win Merida’s hand in marriage. Merida declared archery, a skill that she never hesitated to show off on the castle grounds. It was a skill that he immediately noticed when he first met her in the forest.

“I guess something big is going to happen tomorrow,” he said. “This is probably what we’ve been waiting for.”

“I just want to get all of this over with,” she said sluggishly. “I want to go back home.”

A maid brought Terra another mug of ale. He waved his hand to reject it, but the fact that only Terra was offered it set Aqua on edge.

“Hey, I’m over here, too,” she mumbled as she leaned over the table. The maid set the mug down, but in front of Terra.

He wasn’t able to take a sip of his new drink, because Aqua grabbed it and swallowed some more. I guess it doesn’t matter. It’s probably better that I stay alert for both our sake.

“Ugh, why won’t anyone take me seriously here?” she said as she slammed the mug down and wiped her mouth.

The man from the Macintosh clan leaned over and grabbed her by both of her shoulders. Terra could see that he was massaging them, and his own jaw clenched a bit with anger. The man’s breath was incredibly strong, traveling too far for someone who was slightly drunk.

“Why don’t you learn to behave the way you should, lass? Have some honor? Grow your hair out?” He laughed, clearly amused, and possibly aroused, by her behavior.

Terra started to reach over to push the guy off of her, but Aqua shrugged his shoulders off herself, and stood up to face him. He was a head taller than she was.

“Who gave you permission to grab me?” she asked, her speech the tiniest bit slurred. Terra stood up alongside her, attentive and watching for any small movements that might indicate the start of a struggle.

“Aw, lookit how the girlie thinks she can to talk to me this way.” The man grabbed her arm and attempted to pull her toward him.

Aqua aggressively shook his grip off while reaching for Terra.

She leaned on Terra and kicked the man on the middle of his stomach, sending him backward against the wall behind him. “Don’t touch me!” 

The surrounding men collectively guffawed together, marking on how such a weakling could be overcome by a simple service woman. Terra knew what that meant. Hurt pride. Shameful reputation. A man from a different clan altogether would consider this an insult since he represented his own group.

And it seemed that Terra was right. The Macintosh clansman immediately contorted into rage.

But the slightest movement that was his first attempt to lunge toward Aqua was thwarted.

Terra stood in front of her, blocked his attempts to grab her, and punched him squarely in the jaw. He then grabbed the man by the throat and pushed him back up against the wall.

“Don’t go near her again,” Terra said to him, sternly but softly. A threat only meant for him, not for any one else to hear.

This change in events sparked an uproar among the men that had worked alongside Terra for the past several days. Compliments of how he had grown to be a man were showered on him. Statements such as looks like we got a brawler in our midst were passed around as one of the older men ruffled through Terra’s hair.

But it didn’t make Terra feel any better. The last time he came up against another person in such a way was when he was still in the orphanage. The Macintosh clansman of course was insulted, and called for justice to right this horrible embarrassment. Lord Macintosh took notice of course, and demanded an explanation.

This was exactly what Terra had wanted to avoid. He could be thrown into the dungeon for this. Aqua leaned on a chair, her hand still to her head and not entirely aware of what was going on. I can’t leave her alone like this.

The king, however, brushed off any concerns. “What is it, Lord Macintosh? Your men can’t stay away from things that aren’t theirs? Let the man protect his woman.”

Terra was tense and expected some sort of retort from Aqua, who probably didn’t have the judgment anymore to tell her that she shouldn’t speak back to the king. But she didn’t say anything. She actually gazed into his eyes, a pale look on her face. He knew her well enough to understand what they said. They told him she wanted out. That she wanted some comfort from the pounding headache, from all the unwanted attention, and from her own mistakes.

The men continued to grant hard slaps on Terra’s back for growing some real courage, of which he had to stop himself from rolling his eyes.

He gently held her elbow and asked her what she wanted. Some alone time and rest, she told him. He began to escort her away from the table until he reached the stairs leading up the ward that should lead to the royal chambers. He caught sight of the queen, who gestured to him that it would be alright. Merida leaned over to see what was happening, a look of worry plain as day on her face. The noises of the hollering from the throne room faded away, as was the collective scent of alcohol when they entered the ward.

He held Aqua’s arm as they walked down the halls, asking her to lead him to her room.

“Terra, am I that boyish?” she asked him as she stopped in front of a small wooden door, in a hallway of many.

He pushed the door open for her. “Well, honestly it’s not important. But for your information, you’re absolutely not.”

Her room was tiny, almost like a walk-in closet. There was a small wardrobe and a bed with wool blankets. A candlestick stood on the tiny stool next to the bed, and he lit it. There was a bucket of water for washing and a small window. Better than sharing many bunks with snoring men who smelled of livestock.

He left her leaning on the wall while he looked through her wardrobe.

“I’m going to find you something comfortable to wear, then I’ll leave you to it,” he said as he sifted through some clothes. He heard a thump, and looked over to see her collapsed on her bed, with her shoes and everything else on. “Or not,” he muttered to himself.

He wiggled the boots off her feet and placed them gently on the floor, careful not to disturb her. He then stared at the headband. Her headache is going to be bad enough when she wakes up.

He reached over to take it off, trying not to wake her. But the headband was tight, and it pulled on her hair.

“Don’t touch me!” She slapped him across the nose. He stumbled backward as his face stung and throbbed from the hit. Touching his nose only brought more pain as he groaned out loud.

She sat up quickly. “Terra, is that you?”

“Aqua, who else would it be?” His nose bled a little and he took a rag that laid on the stool rest to his face.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry.” She reached out to him, her eyes squinting.

He held up his free hand and chuckled. “I’m innocent, please spare me.”

She laughed, perhaps a little too much over his pain. “So how did I do?”

“It was a perfect strike. You’ve been practicing,” he said in between some laughs and inspections of the rag to see how much he had been bleeding. He sat on the bed in front of her, noticing that the rag has been showing less signs of blood. “I was trying to get that headband off of you.”

“It is tight.” She nodded, her eyes drooping.

“Let me then.”

She stood still and he reached over, trying to find the knots that would untangle such a piece from her hair. She whimpered in pain from his attempts.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

“S’okay.” She stared into his eyes while he continued to struggle with the headpiece. She wore a goofy grin. “Did anyone tell you that they’re the color of the ocean?”

He smirked and shook his head. “You, apparently. Did anyone tell you that your breath stinks?”

She scoffed and he finally set the headpiece loose. She sighed loudly, reaching into her hair as she massaged her scalp. “That feels so much better. Thanks, Terra.”

She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. It could have been a grateful, sisterly peck. But it wasn’t. She had kissed him close to his nose, and while it hurt, Terra’s heart was pounding too much for him to care. And she lingered, too. Close enough that he could see how her eyes reflected the light of the candle in the room, searching his own before they wandered downward.

She touched the edge of his lips with her own, soft and puckered. Then she moved to kiss him again, inching closer to him. He allowed himself to lean against her as he kissed her back, taking in the softness of her mouth and relishing the taste of the bitter alcohol, which he truly didn’t mind. This was certainly different - of that he was sure. They had kissed a few years before. It was simple and innocent enough. And it was only done once. But this kind of yearning between them was everything he could have ever wanted. His heart beat so fast, it might as well tear itself out of his chest and dance down the hills outside.

Am I taking advantage of her, though?

He held her by her biceps and pushed her away. Her eyes scattered around the room, and she was nodding off. She didn’t ask what went wrong. It didn’t even look she registered what happened.

“What am I going to do with you?” He sighed loudly, unable to control how shaky he sounded. Stay calm.

“What?” She asked this incredibly slowly, as if it took her a while to calculate what he was saying.

A stifled laugh. “You’re a dork.”

“That’s so rude.” She sounded sleepy.

“I think you should rest.”

She smiled sheepishly while her eyes closed. “Okay.”

He laid her down and covered her with the blankets. Blowing out the candle, he tip-toed out of the room and shut the door behind him as quietly as he could. He leaned on the door, not bothering to control the smile that stretched from ear to ear. He rubbed his face as an attempt to manage his emotions, his hands shaking. Realizing that he was standing in the hallway where all of the maids must have slept, he sneaked out of there, finding the wall panel which would lead him down the secret passage, where he could eventually find his own bed.

He was the only one back in the large bunk room. Lying in bed, he tried counting sheep in order to fall asleep. This was futile, though. First of all, he didn’t want to think about sheep when he wasn’t herding them. Secondly, his heart just wouldn’t allow it. It beat hard, and Terra tossed and turned as he asked himself what that kiss meant.

Did it mean that she felt something for him? Did it mean that she cared for him in the same way? Did she enjoy it? He was excited at these ideas and was desperate to ask her.

But what if he read her wrong? She was drunk, after all. What if she was just acting up? What if she regretted it?

This last thought hurt most of all, because it meant that he should stop hoping for anything he wanted. His stomach began to grumble, unable to handle all of these conflicting questions. I hope she doesn’t regret it.

In reality, Terra spent hours in bed, staring at the moon through the window frame until it drifted out of his sight. He then stared at bottom of the bunker above him, analyzing every small detail of that kiss until a time when he couldn’t remember when he had fallen asleep.

To be Continued...

This chapter references Robin Hood (1973) and Brave (2012).

[many-gay-magpies]

update on the hair- the initial panic has passed and now i’m really happy with it !! i think the red looks good on me and i’m making sure to follow a good haircare routine to make sure there’s no real damage. my strawberry shortcake era has begun!

OH TO BE THE VILLAGE WITCH THAT LIVES IN A COTTAGE A LITTLE WAYS AWAY THATS MY DREAM. i’ve always been into herbal/home remedies and such so i really think i could sustain a village witch persona. i’ll grow my flowers and bake honey bread and hand out lavender shortbread to anyone brave enough to visit that’s an ideal life

OKAY BUT LETS ADD THE OTHERS TO THE MIX- JINO AND SHION WOULD BE CACKLING AND ENJOYING THE RIDE LIKE KIDS ON THEIR WAY TO MCDONALDS, SOLON WOULD PROBABLY WANT TO ENJOY IT BUT SCOLDS HELI ANYWAY TO KEEP UP HIS COOL IMAGE, NOA AND JAKAH CHILLING LIKE “well we can’t Die” this is a great concept thank you for this

and don’t worry i didn’t think you sounded salty at all!!! i also like talking to people with different styles and tastes because hey music is subjective that’s the point!! fun fact about me i Cannot listen to ballads i get either bored or sad i just can’t do it- but i LOVE a good hard-hitting vocal song (which is probably why i love vrvr so much, they Never do empty choruses they always bring out the energy and vocal power at the chorus. also phobia by stray kids. AMAZING vocal song)

yes maniac DID slap i’ve got that song on LITERAL REPEAT ALL THE TIME maniac my beloved

- vrvr anon

yayyy red hair!! im glad ur happy with it i love red hair (both dyed and natural) i bet it looks so cool :> and yea thats the spirit!! strawberry shortcake era lol absolutely

oh to be a village witch... man u really COULD be a village witch with the red hair like. that would really seal the image i think HSGFJFBFGJF... strawberry shortcake village witch!!

YES LMAO im just picturing shion leaning out of the window or something screaming like "WHOOO HELL YEAH!!" like you would in a car while jaan is pulling him back by the back of his shirt like "jesus fucking cHRIST shion have you no regard for your own life--" and shion just goes "WHAT life?" and keeps on screaming lmao. jaan just groans and goes "if i still had a working heart y'all would give me a fucking heart attack" (also youre welcome i love talking about this kind of stuff, my enha mutuals and i have been long-term masters of the silly au ^^)

hell yea music is subjective!!! i always say (kinda to myself cuz ive never been in the situation to say it to anyone else lol) that music is music. theres nothing thats not "real" music because its ALL real music. the fact that theres so many different styles/genres that cater to so many different people is a wonderful thing!!

i legit feel the same about ballads tho, it takes a LOT for me to actually get into a kpop group ballad and usually they just feel basically the same as every other kpop group's ballads, so it doesnt excite me that much. like they can still be good or sound nice, but a lot of the time it just feels like they made a ballad for the sake of making a ballad yknow? as far as kpop goes, the hard-hitting vocal stuff is where its AT for me, which is why—just like you said!—vrvr is becoming one of my favorites music-wise because all their songs (well title tracks at least) are like that!! youre so right about them never doing empty choruses and bringing out the energy and vocal power in ever song, i love it so much—its why get away enamored me so much when i first heard it, same with thunder, trigger, and undercover! and their title tracks that are less hard-hitting (lay back and O) are some of my favorites as well, theyre just so SMOOTH and SILKY and it makes my brain go BRRRRR

my love of vocals is why a lot of my favorite groups ARE my favorite groups in the first place. like, enha's title tracks are almost completely vocal, and both them and txt are absolute b-side kings. also idk if you know them, but e'last is musically my top favorite kpop group, because not only are their title tracks vocally beautiful, but they also have this really dramatic, orchestral sound i just love <3

funfact: i heard maniac for the first time in my school theater. it was literally the day it came out and they were playing it before a pep rally or something, and my thought process was something along the lines of "huh whatever this is it kinda slaps" "this isnt english" "wait is that chAN!?" it was fun lol

[florrickandassociates]

2017

Hello, Tumblr friends! 

I haven’t been very active on here now that TGW’s over and I’m working full time, but I wanted to share some of my favorite books and shows of 2017. 

Shows in No Particular Order Except Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is First:

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Holy shit, this show is on fire this year. This is one of those shows that I got excited about the moment I heard about it, but while I’ve always adored the show’s performances, sense of humor, and musical numbers, this is the first year I’ve been excited about its PLOT. 

The Good Place. My favorite Good show of the year (sorry, TGF) by a mile. So creative, innovative, and funny. And what a wonderful cast!

The Good Fight. Because it’s like having more TGW even though TGW is over. And because Diane and Lucca deserved their own show. And because that Pilot is one of the best episodes of TV that aired this year. 

Big Little Lies. I thought this would be frivolous and instead it was fantastic. Excellent acting and characterization.

One Day at a Time. I watched and loved a show with a laugh track in 2017. ODAAT is so good and heartwarming and sometimes heartbreaking and the finale will make you cry a lot. 

The Bold Type. The fun and feminist show about working millennials that I needed this year. 

Underground. A horror/action series about slavery. Emotional and brutal and compelling and a must-watch. I hope it finds a home somewhere else because two seasons were not enough, and it sucks that this show could go away because WGN sucks. 

The Americans. I love this show. It’s a drama about Cold War Russian spies and yet it’s a better family drama than most family dramas I’ve seen. 

Claws. This is a batshit crazy show with some elements I hate, but it’s tons of fun, has Carrie Preston in a fittingly quirky role, and centers on a female friendship. 

The Handmaid’s Tale. I have some criticisms of this show (too much focus on boring men, bad handling of race) but this is a show that sums up 2017 pretty well. Also, Alexis Bledel was fantastic in this. Like. FANTASTIC. 

Master of None. A show that’s equally interested in film history and sociology and is therefore something I enjoy. 

Better Things. I gave up on this show last year, thinking it just wasn’t my thing. But when I went back to it, I loved it. Also, my friends say “No, Jeff, no!” all the time now, and they don’t even watch the show.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine. This is a show I’ve been watching since it premiered (I’m pretty sure I watched the premiere live), but it’s having a great season. It has a fantastic (and diverse!) ensemble and avoids so many of the tropes comedies tend to fall back on.

Queen Sugar. Queen Sugar is consistently one of the most gorgeously well-directed shows on TV. It’s a wonderful and emotional family drama and I encourage everyone reading this to give it a try. 

Alias Grace. I read the book before I watched the show, and while I think I prefer the book (though, thank you, show, for cutting some boring/bad subplots!) overall, this is a really fantastic adaptation. And, of course, it deals with perception and presentation, so of course I loved it.

Insecure. Love this show. Issa’s voice is great and I’m so excited about all the projects she has in development at HBO. 

The Deuce. Didn’t think I’d like this one, but I did. I still don’t need the two James Francos, but Maggie Gyllenhaal is so good. 

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. I’m not sure if this is one of the best shows I’ve seen this year, but it’s pretty good. It suffers from the same problems most of ASP’s shows do, but it’s so enjoyable that hardly matters. I watched it all in one day.

Easy. Another show I think is good but not great. I watched all of season 2 in a day and while some stories are much better than others (it’s an anthology series) I’ve gotten pretty invested in a lot of characters. Also, all the comedians you love/recognize will probably show up for an episode.

I Love Dick. Just watch A Short History of Weird Girls. What an episode! 

(I watched other things, too, but these are the ones I wanted to mention.)

Books (in the order I read them):

So, um, I read 102 books this year. A lot of these are 2017 releases but several aren’t. Also, I’ve really loved listening to various podcasts from BookRiot this year, and I can’t recommend Book of the Month Club highly enough. Oh, and Overdrive/Libby! Just hook up your library card and you can check out ebooks! I am also trying to write this quickly so I’m just gonna list titles for this section but I’m always happy to discuss books (and shows!). And. If we are not already Goodreads friends I am happy to add any mutuals (or non-mutuals if you introduce yourself).

My Life on the Road by Gloria Steinem

Commonwealth by Ann Patchett

The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood

Pachinko by Min Jin Lee

The Animators by Kayla Rae Whitaker

The Leavers by Lisa Ko

What Belongs to You by Garth Greenwell

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

Chemistry by Weike Wang

The Nix by Nathan Hill

Dark Money by Jane Mayer

Beloved by Toni Morrison

Evicted by Matthew Desmond

Everything Belongs to Us by Yoojin Grace Wuertz

Lab Girl by Hope Jahren

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

Word by Word by Kory Stamper

Alias Grace by Margaret Atwood

Sing, Unburied, Sing by Jesmyn Ward

Locking Up Our Own by James Forman, Jr. 

[valleyofthefae]

MAC THE LOVE ASKS ANSWER THEM ALLLLLL 💝💞💖💖❤💚❤💞💜💓💗❤🌺🌸❤💜💙💖💞💖💌🌸💚💝💞🌸💓🌸❤💜❤💝💞🌸💌💗💚💜💌💖💓🌺💓🌺💘🌸🌸💙💖💌💗💚💗💚

OOOO THANK U I SHALL 💓💞💘💗💕💜💖💝💚🌸✨✨(tbh, i like doing this it's fun c:) Blush : What do you do when you have a crush on someone?I try to keep it lowkey, (it doesnt work) + i get really like,, shy around them & stuff 
Kiss : What’s the sweetest thing someone has done for you?well, my buddy alyssa has drawn rlly cool stuff for me c: and that's p sweet tbh, (she also drew grimes for me ? and like coolest drawing ever tbh? omg) 
Cuddle : Which one of your mutuals do you really want to hug right now?Hmmmm idkk
Heartbeat : What fictional character do you love?currently, Harry Hook 
Romance : Perfect date?Idk? Maybe like, seeing a movie and then going for a long walk afterwards 
Joy : What truly makes you happy?Hmmmm.... idk honestly :/ 
Happiness : Who are your kin?(i feel dumb but idk what this is asking) 
Love : Are you, or have you been, in love before?Nopee 
Beloved : What do you love the most about yourself?My singing voice ? i guess 🤔
Sweet: Favorite love song?hmm, i cant think of one 
Cute : What’s your aesthetic?Idk honestly, it's all over the place (my blog is p much my aesthetic tho) 
Thoughtful : If you could change your name, what would you call yourself?Ooooo, idk ! but i'd pick a vv cool name !!
Charming : Who helps motivate you?my buddies (or myself if im trying to do something) 
Beautiful : Who is your ideal significant other?Idk tbh 🤔
Affection : Who do you ship?Mal+Evie from descendants and that's p much it 
Kind : What Pokemon would you be?A FRICKIN JIGGLYPUFF 
Heart Beat : You’re getting coffee with a celebrity, who is it?Hm, Grimes (does she even like coffee?? i dont like coffee, but Grimes) 
Giggle : Do you believe in love at first sight?Not at first sight, no 
Laughter : Who can always make you laugh?my buddies 
Smile : What do you find attractive?someone w/ a good sense of humor (& pretty eyes apparently) 
Warmth : What is your happy place?my rooomm kinda 
Huggable : What are your favorite flowers?Roses, Lilies, Hydrangeas (whoa i spelled that right), Calla Lilies, Tiger Lilies, Bleeding Hearts, Daisies, etc 
Soul Mate : Who is your best friend?uuuuuuuu + kt
Unique : What qualities do you look for in other people?humor, someone who i can talk to and dont get bored of (yikes that makes me sound mean) but,, yeah + other ones i cant think of 
Trust : Do you trust people easily?not really, honestly it takes a while for me to trust ppl 
Dearest : What item is most dear to you?this one bracelet that i had from when i was a bb !! (it's a really cool looking bracelet too!! imo anyway)

[greyred]

HaHaHa

Heartbroken, Hospitalized, Homeless

There have been too much of stuff going on with my life in past months that I seriously have lacked the energy to write about. One is sure - It keeps me troubling of not writing. Because mainly... well, have been overthinking of HOW I should write, but as Jesus said - “Done is better than perfect”. Then now we ride - I just came back from..ehh.. a ride of a busy busy day as i’ve ridden past months, also i have awful Insomnia which have killing my head past 20+ days. Not cool, not cool man! I LITERALLY can’t sleep! Yet doing all, and ALL my appointments that I have. Being a hussle-hussle A-student on the game and then crying in my pillow when noone sees it in the end of the day. 

I feel like I have no ONE to talk with, No one on earth! So I come here... here to my small tiny blog to just talk. Just talk about the matters that I can’t say out loud to no one. Wasn’t it the purpose of this in the first anyway ?

It all started when I lost my sweet apartment where I was living with Jesus. when we divorced, I stayed there for few years but that shiet got too expensive and i had to move, so I moved to my brother’s place. Was for a month estimated but lingered as my real estate company fcuked promises up. Then my parents moved back and the great PTSD came back again...

Now I have the skeddale back a bit because of the story of heartbroken...

Fell In love with my old mate whom i know for at least 10+ years.. He is livinng in my Homeland, we talked every fucking day for a long time and fell in love, he visited me here, i visited him. He knew ALL my mental challenges and  so forth, yet he made me feel it was okay, that He truly loved me, he wants to be with me, live with me, heck.. even have a kid with me. And I was naive...

Last time I went to Homeland to his place he treated me a bit differently.. and I broke, ended up in hospital and after that he tells me - I don’t walk to talk with you until no certain time, also can’t handle it. I mean... what the hell, I was fucking hospitalized, I was in a really bad situation. If ANYONE could have understood it, it would have been a person who have known me for so long time, with such an information that I gave. (Sometimes i doubt people who tells me, i know how to deal with You). Either way I truly hate that after all of this I lost one of my best friends. But I  never go back. i have this personality. Don’t mess with my delicate head! Once I’m done - I’m done.

The hospital itself was great experience though. Spent a week in there, got to know many interesting people. It’s nothing like people think - Oh my gosh - crazy house! NO! there are people from every field of life, doctors, lawyers, artists, health-takers, engineers, teachers, architects, art-students. Anybody needs to take a time off. And the atmosphere is pleasing, we ALL get the same thing - the mutual respect to each other, we all lack of understanding, closeness, treatment, what not. We were like a family in there. Best family I ever had ! 

After that beautiful experience I had to go back to home. Still heartbroken and my periods late for 2 weeks which made me feel like that is going to be worst. But little that I know - it was just the first signs of the MAIN stress which have lead me to this point...

I lived few months with my parents while thinking everything is alright, yet it wasn’t, things was evolving.. getting worse, i didn’t even notice it. I was still looking for apartment and for a proper doctor. Failed in this game so awfully. Until I found an amazing counselor who taught me that my most weakness is to be selfless and I HAVE to learn how to be more selfish. For me this is the hardest, because I blame myself for everything. He had experience with soldiers who had PTSD and could teach me ways to handle my PTSD mind the best that i’ve heard. But I lost him as my counselor because it was only a temporary acute thing. (Even though I STILL don’t have a proper doctor!)

Anyway... I pulled myself together and found new workers for me. Social workers whom (thanks to my counselor) I actually have a RIGHT to have. And they have been wonderful. They have showed me opportunities that I never knew. I appreciate them highly! Thanks to them I am writing here words and not in the hell-hole where i had to re-live my PTSD once again but in a small dorm-room (ahh.. now the homeless talk) where I at least - I can be in my beloved anti-social mode where im my most efficient and can just hide away from the cruel world (family most heh) and concentrate on what is most important. My health.

My health.. That is the crucial thing right now. How to start. Well I have never had the most horrid insomnia in my life as I have right now. 20+ days without REM-sleep (best was 30min to 4hours somewhere in between), it is eating me inside, killing me in every way possible and giving me physical diseases where i feel truly like I WILL die soon. (I suppose that is the reason that after months i feel i have to get these sentences done before i might actually die). The lack of sleep is the most awful, I cant sleep, i cant eat, my body is letting me down, the depression is taking its new levels like never before, yet i keep on hussling and putting my pokerface on. so at least, So at least - i would have some outfit to go out and have company for food. Yes - This is how poor rat I am, a miserable poor rat! I give my company for food and fun! During the mornings and days I do ALL the appointments and responsibilities, paperwork (which i’ve grown to be really good at!), and when the night comes, i need to load that affection down with finidng opportunities to fuel myself up in other ways. Hate me! Please hate me for that! I would be so much more happier, would give me more fuel to finally KILL myself!. That is all i need. To just SLEEP!

But I’m like weeds, that doesn’t die.

What ever I do, I just can’t die.

I hate it.

I wonder, perhaps... perhaps, this never ending insomnia will kill me perhaps in the end, wouldn’t it be lovely! 

There was a day, just after i had hussled for 2 weeks straight really intensely to improve my life (what for? i dunno, just for my wonderful workers that i do not want to disappoint). And last week was even more harsher, until the most hardest day where i was running on energy levels i don’t know or seen before. I had few drinks, went to dancing, needed to load off, actually was just around the corner, but i hadn’t slept for few days straight whatsoever (i mean 0-sleep) and when i was just walking to home (temporary home) my brains suddenly blacked out in the street. I don’t remeber anything afterwards, but i was told i was on the street sleeping. Firstly i thought - sleeepig, So Nice, next thought , on the street? not nice..? After that i’ve been super afraid to go outside because my brain does NOT work properly at all. it can shut down any time, any where. one side of me is happy (maybe i will finally die) , other side of me is bit sad (ugh.. don’t want to cause any trouble to other people in case i survive). What a stupid stupid teenage life, isn’t it!

Yet don’t wonder. all i have, all i live in, is the worst case of PTSD that my parents have raised me into. and don’t get me wrong, i ain’t blaming anyone. its just my life.

Today i went to pharmacy and finally got my medicines (been waiting for them cos been too poor to buy the elementary, and by that i literally mean the most necessary and food even, but fuck it. i managed, i always manage. Anygay.. got my medicines which was packed literally in a BIG bag, like a usual bag you get from groceries. I was like.. wtf.. i really need all that shiet?!?? Oh well.) Been in doctors and given half of my blood and all the tests that one can possibly do. Now waiting in few days for my results. Going to be interesting because literally everything hurt! Also im so sick of my whining. That’s why im writing in here with vacant language right now. Just needed to get it all out. honestly as it is. Leaving fake mask. Sincerely, without 9 kilos of makeup & hairspray.

And then there is one thing that still keeps me going...

His blue eyes, his blue eyes give me the most motivation. I can’t disappoint him! I just can’t! He is the most most precious thing in my life. even though I don’t even have him anymore or ever will. He is more than Love, Family or Soulmate, he is THE. The matter or universe.

I also have a new friend who have grown to be very close to me which I appreciate highly, but my awful fear of anyone is making me suspicious of anyone in my life. I truly don’t trust no one anymore. How could i? Everyone just keeps on playing with me and hurting me. If a friend who was 10+ years in my life, then more.., could not handle me, then, who could ever ? And why even? What’s the point? I think people should get far away of me as possible! So I could die in peace. Alone, as i wish. I will never be bored. There will always be humans to excite, hurt and  disappoint me. :)

And I shall just march on, and on and on...