#that hop around the screen all bouncy and shit

[mrkanman]

ohhhh on god we are slaying that princess...

[fuzzycraptid]

A Chronicle of my Hexxit II World

You know what's less expensive than therapy? Watching Captainsparklez vods on one screen and playing modded minecraft on the other. (I say less expensive because the youtube monitor is a 14 year old art tablet and the minecraft monitor is a shitty dell from 2009. But even otherwise it'd probably still be true)

My modpack of choice this round is Hexxit II because it was there and i saw it and clicked it. I love exploration-based modpacks-- they itch my hunter gatherer brain just right and give me way too much dopamine leaving me a husk of myself for whatever scant hours I'm off the game before clawing my way back in for more like the digital drug fiend i am

Loading into the game was a bit of a nightmare the first time-- as a dirty filthy stinking left-hander, I always switch around all my keybinds like an absolute animal. It's disgusting. One such keybind seemed to initiate a crash that hit every time I pressed any button at all whatsoever, so I had to reevaluate my life a bit, but it all ended up working out after a keybind reset and cautiously testing each one as I rebinded them afterwards.

I generated up a random world with zero custom settings just to test, then wound up going with it for the playthrough. Rip any chance of cheats or gamerule tweaks. This is probably good for my wimp ass, honestly. Almost immediately, I got diamonds, thanks to big-dig-style ore generation. I got them before coal. Ridiculous.

With Jardon's sweet voice ringing in my ears, I set off on my adventure. I holed up in the tiny cave where I found those first diamonds. It wasn't aesthetically pleasing, but it was a good start. First couple nights were bedless as I desperately farmed cotton to craft myself some wool, only to find a sheep on the 3rd-or-so day right when my cotton efforts had nearly paid off. Fuck.

My minimap was showing me that I'd settled on a peninsula, and further inland there was a desert village. To get here I'd have to brave the desert-- a veritable mosh pit of mo'creatures beasts and these little flying shits called Pteras. I'd grow to despise these as my mortal enemies in this pack. I ran across and activated my first waystone-- Mjolnisjsjkfrmf or whatever.

I ran around, crafted a backpack, bred some chocobos, found a couple more villages, looted some shit in my basement, which contained spiders, it's all a blur, honestly. At this point I had a Monking Dagger, a nifty little weapon which boosted my speed and allowed me to zip forward every couple seconds. I'd also acquired a magic essence, which I crafted into an Electric Staff, which, contrary to what its name would suggest, allowed me to fly a short distance into the air by right clicking. I decided this would be a good time to craft an OpenBlocks hangglider with the leftover backpack leather. These two had a pretty good synergy, but low durability on the staff, so I used up some of my allotted mid-air hop allowance on getting myself up to a floating slime island. I trimmed it bald and used the slime to craft slime boots and a slimesling, which, may I say, oohoohoohoo. Travel was REVOLUTIONIZED.

The Slimesling is used by aiming low at the ground and charging up a shot which flings you far into the air in the opposite direction. The Slime Boots are an, in my opinion, early game OP item which negates fall damage in lieu of bouncing off the ground and picking up ridiculous momentum in whatever direction you're flung. These work together like a clown in a bouncy house. I was soon launching and bounding across the landscape at mach speeds, deploying my glider in midair to soar over treetops and valleys, then coming back down and smacking painlessly against the ground before bouncing up again.

I decided to take it a step farther and as soon as I was able to craft my first hexical diamond, I made it into a pair of cloud boots which took the fall damage negation from the slime boots and paired it with a stupid high jump boost and speed. This took my travelmaxxing to a whole other level. I was unstoppable. I feel like I've already won the game at this point, nothing could beat this, right?

Well, then I made the superb choice to fling myself into a Pirate Island. My LAWWRD this was the BANE OF MY EXISTENCE. I died an embarrassing number of times, after each of which I had to craft another pair of slime boots to make the long trek back before being killed again on sight. It was hell on cube earth. Eventually I learned my lesson and bounced out of there, literally. I returned to take out Mr Pirate Captain later, which was worth it only for revenge's sake.

At this point I was looking for another place to settle where there was space enough to expand storage and set up a Tinker's Construct forge, as well as tall terrain for my launching and gliding habits. I found a nice place, a little lake surrounded on all sides by tall cliffs which I could launch off of to my heart's content.

So now here I am, deciding what kind of settlement to go for. It's funny how fast the playstyle can switch from roguelike to animal crossing in this game.

[theladyofdeath]

Cass is left home alone with his and Nesta’s baby for the first time 😂

ugh, you know I love me some daddy Cass. Enjoy. ~

ps - i do not recommend searching “daddy” in the GIF bar.

Cassian had just taken a bite of his chicken burrito when a soft cry came through the baby monitor.

“Cass, he’s crying.”

“I’m aware,” Cassian said, into his phone, food still in his mouth. He hopped off the barstool and started making his way through the living room and up the stairs. “Will you just go enjoy yourself and stop worrying?”

A long pause. “Yeah. Okay.”

“I helped make him, I can take care of him,” Cassian assured her.

Nesta sighed, music playing loudly in the background. “I know, I know. I’ll see you in a little bit, okay?”

“Love you,” Cassian said, finally swallowing the food in his mouth as he got to the second floor.

“Love you,” Nesta said, voice still full of worry as she hung up the phone. 

Cassian pushed the door of the nursery open. As if sensing his father’s presence, Bodi’s cry turned into a soft whimper as he squirmed inside of his blanket. 

Cassian peeked over the side of the crib and smiled. “That was a nice nap, Bode. Ready to play?”

With steady hands, Cassian undid the swaddled blanket and picked Bodi up.

He didn’t make it a step before gagging. “No offense, but you smell like shit.” 

Bodi made a gurgling noise as Cassian laid him down on the changing table and unbuttoned his onesie. 

“Alright,” Cassian sighed, taking out a diaper and wipes from the shelf beneath the table. “It’s just you and me tonight, kid. Mommy is out having girl time. She’s been working hard these last few months, taking care of you, yes she has. So, when she calls, which she will, again, in about twenty minutes, you have to pretend to be happy even if you’re pissed. Got it?”

Bodi looked up with wide, hazel eyes. 

“Exactly,” Cassian said, tossing the dirty diaper into the bin. “Mommy deserves to have fun.”

Bodi began to fuss, and Cassian gave him a look as he strapped the clean diaper on and secured his onesie. “No, you see, you’re doing the opposite of-”

Bodi’s cry grew louder.

“Alright, alright,” Cassian breathed, picking Bodi up and laying his head against his bare chest. His mouth was instantly wide open, searching for a nipple.

Softly, Cassian began patting Bodi’s back as he turned the light off and left the nursery. “Daddy’s nipples don’t work that way, Bode. That’s a mommy thing.”

When he started to realize that, Bodi started to scream, his little voice nearing non-existent the angrier he got.

“I know, I know,” Cassian muttered, hurrying down the stairs. “It’s hard being a newborn.”

Cassian changed his position, cradling Bodi in one arm against him, supporting his little, wild dark-haired head. Bodi’s feet were kicking wildly by the time they entered the kitchen. 

Cassian filled a bowl with water and put it in the microwave for two and a half minutes before strutting into the living room and laying Bodi in a bouncy seat. The screaming grew worse as Cassian strapped him in.

Cassian hurried back into the kitchen. “I know, but I just wiped your ass!”

After washing his hands, thoroughly, Cassian took a bottle of breastmilk out of the fridge and popped off the top, just as the microwave went off.

“Don’t worry, we’re halfway there!” Cassian called.

Bodi didn’t care.

With a sigh, Cassian walked back into the living room and searched for a burp cloth. He found one slung over the arm of the couch, Bodi’s name embroidered along the hem.

That was Nesta’s thing the moment they had decided on a name.

Embroidered everything. 

Cassian tossed the burp cloth over his tattooed shoulder before unbuckling the bouncy seat and picking his son back up. The crying only stilled for a moment before starting again. 

Back in the kitchen, Cassian took the bottle out of the water and tested the temperature on his wrist. Finding it warm, he took Bodi into the living room, suddenly tired of wandering the house like a madman, and sat in his rocking chair before putting the nipple to Bodi’s lips.

He instantly began drinking, suddenly quiet, hazel eyes drooping.

“There,” Cassian breathed. “That’s better, yeah?” 

Bodi cooed, the bottle still in his mouth. When the bottle was halfway gone, Cassian burped him before letting him finish it off.

“That’s good stuff, isn’t it?” Cassian asked, as Bodi chugged. “Yeah, daddy’s tasted it, too. Although I find it tastes better straight from the source.”

Bodi spit the nipple out of his mouth, from the fact that he was done or the fact that he was appalled at the image of his dad sucking his mom’s tit, Cassian wasn’t certain.

“Alright, Bodi,” he began, positioning the infant with a burp cloth on his lap, supporting his head. He started patting his back. “Give me a good one. Here we go.”

And suddenly Cassian’s entire thigh was covered in spit up.

Bodi’s hazel eyes lit up with amusement as Cassian watched him, and laughed. “Shit, you find that funny, don’t you? You thrive on daddy’s misery. Yeah. You get that from mommy, you know.”

Bodi started gurgling, talking in his mysterious baby language. 

“I see,” Cassian said, grinning. “Yeah, hilarious.”

He laid Bodi on a blanket, propped on his boppy pillow so his food - what was left, anyway - digested well.

Cassian pulled a pair of sweatpants out of the laundry basket full of clean clothes and quickly changed before joining Bodi on the floor. He grabbed a rattle and started to shake it, grabbing Bodi’s attention. 

“There, now we’re happy, huh?” Cassian asked, just as his phone rang, again. “Told you mommy was going to call again.”

He answered it, then pressed the Facetime button.

Nesta’s worried face came up on the screen. Cassian laid next to Bodi so that they were both in the frame. Her furrowed brows were replaced with a small, loving smile. “Hi, my baby.”

“Hi,” Cassian winked. “Now say hi to Bodi, too, before he feels left out.”

Nesta rolled her eyes. “Did you change him?”

“Yes.”

“Feed him?”

“Yes. I know what to do, Nes. It’s as if I’m his father or something.”

Nesta huffed a laugh and chewed on her bottom lip. “Fine, just...keep me updated?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Cassian mumbled, as Bodi looked over at his daddy. Catching the sight in their reflection, Cassian smiled. So did Nesta.

“Go have fun,” Cassian begged, for the tenth time that night.

“Fine,” Nesta sighed, and hung up. 

“I think mommy is having separation anxiety,” Cassian said, leaning up on his elbow as he started shaking the rattle, once more.

Bodi watched him.

“I know,” Cassian said, nodding, as if Bodi proclaimed a long, deep thought. “Now, I’m gonna turn on the Avengers, and finish my burrito. Cool?”

Cassian took his infant’s silence as an okay.

Having forgotten all about the burrito and laying on the couch, Bodi on his chest, Cassian started the movie. It wasn’t even twenty minutes in that Bodi was sound asleep, and Cassian was starting to doze off.

Which is exactly how Nesta found them an hour later.

The door softly opened and clicked shut, and Nesta’s heels clicked across the hardwood floor until she reached the couch, and looked down at her husband and her baby boy.

She smiled, fondly, as she patted Bodi’s back and kissed Cassian on the forehead. Then, she kicked off her heels and, still in her little black dress, she laid next to them both, her cheek resting on Cassian’s shoulder and her arm around them both. She rubbed Cassian’s side with the tips of her fingers until he fell asleep, too.

[sunflowergrenades]

A Mile in My Shoes: Chapter One

Tears gathered in the wide eyes of the little green skinned girl as her bottom lip quivered violently. She searched her friends' faces for a hint that they were joking but she was coming up blank.

"Why can't I come with you, Yuki? I'm your friend too, right?"

"We're gonna be inside today. You're too loud and wild. My mom gets mad at me every time you come over." the blue haired girl replied, rolling her eyes.

Hana took a step forward, clenching the stuffed orca in her arms tightly "I'll do better this time! I'll -."

"You always say that! Just go home, Hana. You'll just get in the way."

The other two girls began laughing as Hana's tears poured down faster and she ran off in shame. Her scrawny legs carried her as far as they could to her apartment. As the door swung open, it collided with the wall heatedly which drew her mother’s attention from the kitchen. Hina sighed deeply as her oldest child looked up from his phone with a biting glare.

“If that little shit doesn’t quit making my baby sis cry, I’m gonna -!”

“Stand down. I got this. You just keep my soup from burning.” his mother instructed before going into the living room to find her only daughter curled up on the couch.

“Why am I so annoying?” Hana whimpered into her knee as she trembled under Hina’s loving touch.

“Says who? Yuki Watanabe? That kid is a spoiled brat. Her mommy and daddy can buy her anything but some damn manners.”

“No one at school likes me because I’m so hyper. I try to keep in it but I can’t.”

“And you shouldn’t have to! You’re hilarious, Jellybean! You’re so much fun. You keep me and your brother rolling with laughter. We won’t change anything.”

Hana stayed curled up in her dejected ball until Hina laughed softly. She looked up a little at her mother to see that she was looking at the television. They rarely watched the news but it must have come on while they were cooking. A rescue was going on the screen with a hero she’d never seen before. With his orca features and large frame, he quickly got the attention of little Hana who was wiping the last few tears from her eyes.

“Who’s that hero, Mama?”

“His name’s Gang Orca. I figured you’d like him because you’ve always been into weird stuff.” Yosuke replied from behind the couch.

Hina scoffed as she looked back, “You let my soup burn and I’m tossing you into it, little troll.”

“Cool your jets. I turned it down.”

“That’s what I want to do when I grow up!” Hana exclaimed unexpectedly as she got to her feet.

“What, burn soup? You’re already good at that, JB.” Yosuke teased.

“Huh? No! I meant what he’s doing on T.V! I wanna do that!”

“You want to be a pro hero?” Hina asked, sitting forward with her hands on her cheeks. “Well, you'd be super interesting to watch, that’s for sure.”

“Seriously? Hana, a hero? She’s too goofy. She’s not cut out for -. What am I worrying for? You change your mind every five minutes. You wanted to be an astronaut two days ago.” Yosuke grumbled as he returned to the kitchen.

“Don’t listen to your brother, Sunlight. He’s just mad that his grades aren’t good enough to get into U.A’s support class program.”

“Can’t hear you over the sound of me throwing this soup into the yard!”

“You brat, your laptop’ll follow it out there!” she screamed as she jumped over the back of the sofa to go save her food from her son’s bitterness.

Hana giggled softly as she turned her attention back to the news broadcast. Yeah, being a hero would be awesome. But heroes always had costumes and stuff, right? She pursed her lips for a second in thought before running down the hallway and getting her crayons. Who better than to design an outfit for her Quirk than her.

Time flies when you’re having fun and the hyper seven year old soon turned into a bouncy fifteen year old. To her brother’s astonishment, Hana’s hero dream never burned out like the others. Planning her campaign for president only lasted a week and it was one of the longest run schemes that she had. Despite thinking this was a dim-witted plan, he still determined to make sure that his rambunctious sibling didn’t repeat her bad habit of sleeping through her alarms.

“Hey, are you up yet?”

Hana, who was currently wrapped up in her fuzzy pink blanket, groaned loudly without making any movement. She was absolutely not planning on getting out of this criminally comfortable bed. The deep-toned but noticeably annoyed voice from the bottom of the stairs clearly disagreed with that plan.

"Some hero you are! You can’t even make it to school on time!"

That got a quick reaction as Hana popped up and promptly fell out of her bed with an undignified squawk. Once finally unraveling from her warm cocoon, she darted to the closet to get her clothes and found that her uniform had rudely fallen to the floor. As she dusted it off, she ran to the bathroom and hung it on the back of the door. She quickly brushed her teeth, ruffled her onyx pixie cut with her fingers for some texture, and put in her silver star earrings. She raked her long bang out of her face as she inspected her face for imperfections.

As she got herself presentable, the oldest Ishikawa child stuck two pieces of bread into the toaster before fastening up the Gang Orca lunch on the counter and putting in that ragged, ugly pink backpack with unicorns all over that his sister refused to replace for some reason. Surely, it should be qualified for retirement after all these years, right?

But Hana wasn't one to throw out much of anything. She was the textbook definition of a sentimental fool. Yosuke wasn't exactly sure where she had even picked up that habit but she was almost religious about keeping anything close to 'important'. 

“Hana! Move it or lose it, runt!" he yelled again as he put some strawberry jam on the nearly burnt toast.

"Don't call me a runt, jerk face. I already told you that everyone else is just too tall!" she shouted from upstairs.

He heard something crash its way down the stairs with a loud bang and sighed deeply. "What was that?"

"My shirt!"

"That was way too damn heavy to be a damn shirt." he huffed back, looking at his phone.

As she came around the corner, she was hopping on one foot attempting to tie a glittery silver tennis shoe while standing. "Well, I was still wearing it."

He rolled his eyes before grabbing her leg mid-hop which nearly sent her to the floor. He put the sole of her shoe on his leg and started tying it for her. She wrinkled her nose in frustration, to which he replied with a thump to the forehead.

"You're gonna break your damn neck." he scolded.

"You worry too much. I'm tough enough to handle whatever life throws at me." she scoffed back proudly.

Yosuke looked at his younger sibling with overwhelming skepticism. At an unimpressive five feet tall, puberty had seemingly forgotten to visit the poor girl. She was thin as a rail and still had a baby face with a button nose and big sapphire eyes. All that paired with her narrow frame, small breasts, and a high pitched voice, no one ever believed she was actually her age.

"Whatever you say, kid." He sighed as he gave her the toast and held out her backpack.

She shoved a piece of her breakfast halfway into her mouth, slung her bag onto her shoulder, and headed to the door.

"What? No 'thank you'?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow at her.

"Toast could have been darker honestly." she said, shrugging lightly.

"You can't just eat charcoal, Jellybean."

She blushed slightly, pink lighting up her mint green skin. "I told you to quit calling me that!"

"But you're small, cute, and eat nothing but candy. You're our little jellybean and always will be. It's better than that shit you used to call me."

"And that's my cue to leave." She scoffed as she opened the door.

"Have fun today, JB. I gotta work late tonight so you'll be having way more fun than me." he called out as he waved to her.

"Yikes. Better you than me. Don't forget your wallet this time." she said, exiting the apartment.

"Got it. Love you, brat."

The door clicked but immediately swung back open so she could yell back "Love you too." before finally leaving.

She wasn't sure what she did to get such bad karma but she deeply regretted whatever it was because now she was sprinting to class as fast as she could. She had missed the first bus and had to wait for the second one, so she was even more late now. As she ran, she tried to finish putting the shoe that had fallen off when she tripped down the stairs a moment ago. Seriously, what was gravity's problem today?

She finally reached the door and straightened herself up before grabbing the knob. Opening the door to the classroom, she was greeted by the very unhappy face of her home room teacher.

“Morning, Mr. Aizawa.” she mumbled, ducking her head like an anxious pup.

“Nice of you to join us, Ishikawa.” he sighed deeply. "Now as I was saying, you'll be wearing the hero outfits based on the designs you submitted."

Hana immediately lit up and the second they could get their outfits, she pushed her way to the first and snatched the case with her seat number on it. As she ran off excitedly, Ashido looked at Tokoyami who was shaking his head slightly. He was her designated best friend since the first day of school so he usually ended up playing translator for the jittery girl.

"You'll have to forgive Ishikawa's impatience." He lamented. "From my understanding, she designed that outfit when she was a little girl and she's been talking about it all week."

"That's actually sort of adorable." Ashido tittered.

"I'm honestly curious to see what she’s created." Tokoyami replied, grabbing his own case and leaving the room.

As the upcoming heroes stepped out in their new costumes, Hana couldn't stop smiling and looking down. It was perfectly in line with her drawing.

The black one piece had a turtleneck and featured a cutout of a sun around her belly button. Squiggly cuts around it made the rays. The holes for her legs were cut high and displayed part of her hips. It laid her skinny shoulders bare and was visibly backless with only her backside covered. Her shoes were simple black ballet flats with a thick ribbon around either ankle. Her hands were covered up by a pair of yellow finger-less gloves. Finally, her eyes were protected by a square, yellow visor that faintly resembled work safety glasses. For added flair, she'd topped the outfit with a headband with a yellow over-sized bow that poked up like bunny ears.

She glanced over at Midoriya and giggled as she waved her hand at him eagerly. "Hey, Deku! Look! We match!" She said, pointing from her bow to his suits 'ears'.

He blushed slightly and nodded. "Y-yeah, I guess we do, huh?"

If Bakugou’s crimson eyes could use his quirk, Ishikawa would have exploded three times by now. They were digging into the back of her head. Hana seemed to feel his eyes on her and looked over her shoulder to see him glaring at her unapologetically.

Ah, yes. Bakugou and his famous attitude. She'd managed to be at least on speaking terms with all her classmates. The exceptions were Todoroki who gave her the cold shoulder (pun absolutely intended) and the furious blonde. Every single time she got the least bit friendly with Bakugou, he’d buck like a wild stallion. What he didn't realize was that his bitterness only made it more fun for his ridiculously headstrong classmate. He'd made the mistake of making it a game and she wasn't about to lose.

"Like my outfit?” she asked, twirling around jubilantly.

He scoffed and looked away from her. The answer was… maybe? It was admittedly a cool design. She needed a lot of skin showing to make her Quirk work its best but something extremely revealing would have been out of character for her. She had figured out how to balance the modesty she needed with the design her power required on his own? That was kind of cool. She still looked like a little brat though. That was probably less about the outfit and more about that silly grin plastered on her face.

"Well, I love yours!" She said. "The grenades are super badass."

His eyes widened slightly as he looked back at her slightly. Why was she suddenly complimenting him? She usually spent the majority of her time teasing and provoking him. Their bickering sessions started from the first day at U.A. Bakugou was at his desk with his feet propped up as he insulted pretty much anything that moved when petite little Hana walked by.

As soon as she walked by, he noticed her stockings had cat faces on them. Naturally, he scoffed loudly. "When did they start letting little kids take classes here?"

She stopped mid-step and looked over her shoulder. "About the same time they started letting in annoying jackasses."

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY, YOU SHRIMP?"

She spun around and slammed her hands on his desk as she tilted her head to the side. He raised an eyebrow at her. Was this girl actually going to try and pick a fight?

Never breaking eye contact, she smiled jeeringly as she replied, "Oh, I'm sorry. Let me say it a little louder for you. You're acting like a jackass."

"Keep running that mouth and I'll hang our tiny ass from the ceiling!"

"Sweetie, you'd have to catch me first." she scoffed, poking his nose playfully.

Midoriya, who was watching this train wreck from behind the wall, exhaled deeply. It was their first day and Kacchan was about to commit a felony. Sure enough, the blonde went off and threw around some interestingly detailed threats.

She stood there taking his insults with a genuinely amused look on her face until he took a step toward her. She closed her eyes as her body emitted a blinding yellowish white light. Bakugou covered his eyes and stumbled back a little.

"SHIT, WHAT THE HELL, YOU LITTLE -!"

"My name is Hana Ishikawa." she replied, calmly as if she didn't just flash-bang the entire class. "Nice to meet you. Don't worry, the burning stops after 30 seconds."

With that, she skipped to her seat and sat down. Midoriya watched cautiously as Bakugou rubbed his stringing eyes and growled loudly. From that moment forward, every time they made eye contact, someone usually got detention.

All Might was the teacher today and Hana couldn't stop laughing at just how electrified Midoriya was. She was pretty excited too, but she was always that way about something. She was the kind of person who sat by the mailbox when her package was out for delivery and cheered for the mailman when he showed up.

What really tickled her was how pumped up Bakugou got when the words 'combat training' came out of All Might's mouth. It got an actual giggle out of her.

"Ishikawa will be with Todoroki on team B."

"Yay! Dude, I'm so excited. I love your dad. He's my second favorite pro!" Hana shouted out loudly as she bounced up and down.

Todoroki immediately rolled his eyes at her joyful reaction. Why did he have to get stuck with the class crazy lady? It was going to be a long day.

The first teams up were "villains" Bakugou and Iida vs Midoriya and Uraraka. The other other students were watching from a secondary location on a big screen. Things were already off to a bad start because Bakugou clearly had no intention of listening or cooperating. Like now, for example, he'd run off to find Midoriya and 'deal' with him, despite Iida's blatant disapproval.

"Well, I see Baku is doing whatever Baku wants and I'm sure you're all as shocked as I am." Hana said with a sarcastic tone as she put another strawberry pocky stick in her mouth.

"What is he thinking?" Tokoyami asked, shaking his head. "He's being completely irrational."

"Honestly, Yami, I'm guessing there's not much really going on in that head of his." Hana replied.

On the screen, Bakugou found his prey and was currently doing everything in his power to stomp him into the dirt. Asui made a comment about him being a good villain which unexpectedly grabbed Hana's attention.

"Whoa, that's a little harsh, Froggy."

Bakugou had lost track of Midoriya who had run away for his safety. Even through a screen, his hatred was almost visible in the air.

"That doesn't seem villainous to you?" Todoroki asked, pointing at the screen where Bakugou was apparently screaming some heavy threats at Deku as he searched for him.

"Look, I'm not justifying it but there's clearly something going on there that we don't know."

"Like what?" he asked flatly.

"Heck, I don't know! I'm not a therapist. Everyone's got a demon or two in them though, right?" She replied quickly.

Tokoyami looked over at her slightly and noticed that her eyes were locked on the blonde with a look of what seemed to be growing curiosity.

"Gotta admire his determination though. Even if his cheese has completely slid off his cracker."

"I think you're being naïve." Todoroki said under his breath.

Her eyes suddenly widened as she looked over at him slightly. Her hands balled into fists slowly by her sides.

"I'm sorry? Did I ask for your opinion on my personality?"

"With one as spastic as yours, you should be used to it."

"Spastic?! Listen, I don't -!"

"You'll kill him!"

All Might's thunderous voice made her jump as her eyes shot back to the screen. They quickly widened as Bakugou's hand ripped the pin from his grenade gauntlet with wild abandon.

"Dude, what are you doing?" She asked under her breath.

"How about now, Ishikawa? Does murder count as 'villainous'?" Todoroki scoffed.

"Seriously, Baku? Pull yourself together." She whispered, mostly to herself.

Midoriya used his Quirk to destroy several floors at once and Bakugou looked as if he'd seen a ghost. No, that wasn't enough to describe the level of horror in those wide ruby eyes.

Hana didn't see that uncommon expression as she walked to the back of the room and pulled out another pocky stick. She munched on it as she let her forehead rest on the cold metal wall. The thought of everyone watching her mess up was making her stomach queasy.

"Is everything alright? You seem a bit bothered by what just happened." Tokoyami asked from behind him.

She sighed deeply and painted her smile on her face, but it didn't hold anything close to genuinely positive. "Nah, I'm okay. Just a little performance anxiety. That's all."

"Well, it's our turn so I would try to shake those nerves if I were you." Todoroki stated while walking by.

"Sure thing, Ace." She mumbled as she followed.

She wasn't entirely sure she could handle much more of Todoroki's bitterness today but for the sake of the assignment, she was willing to try. At least, she was before they actually got to the building.

"You stay here. You'll only get in the way."

Her heart started banging on her rib cage angrily as his words unlocked a door in the back of her mind. Once again, she was just a little eight year old on the playground with her feelings on her sleeve. No, no more. Never again. Her teeth grit painfully as she ran to catch up with Todoroki. She grabbed his arm but he quickly shrugged her off.

"What are you doing?" He asked as he looked back at her.

"Just because your dad is a pro doesn't mean that you get to talk down to me like that! I'm a big fan of your dad's but I'm not just going to let you -."

"Let's just focus on the assignment, alright?" He interrupted before continuing toward the building. "You and I aren't on the same level. It's for your benefit that you stay down here."

As he disappeared into the entrance, she growled under her breath. Get in the way? No, she worked like crazy to get here! Some little rich kid wasn't gonna tell her what to do. It was sunny today so her Quirk was working wonderfully. The more sunlight, the more useful she was.The others watched as she created a yoga ball sized orb in between her hands. She processed to climb on top of it as it floated up to the window. Hana had a tendency to whatever she wanted, especially when told not to do something. While that attitude could bring interesting results at times, it also meant that despite her friendly attitude, Hana's teamwork skills were completely terrible.

She attempted to jump to her target window but the ball slipped out from under her. She gasped loudly as she clung to the ledge forcefully.

"I swear if I fall, my ghost is gonna haunt you, Ace!"

"I can't watch! Tell me when she's made it." Uraraka said, covering her eyes with worry.

"I like her fearlessness but that cooperation could use some serious improvement." All Might mumbled as he watched her finally climb through the window.

Her target barely even had time to notice her before the floor froze solid. Ice raced up her legs only to stop mid calf. She stared at it for a moment with rage boiling ever faster in her veins.

"I told you to stay outside for a reason."

She was visibly shaking with anger but was breathing in deeply. Tears stung her eyes as she bent down to melt the ice from her legs

"Man, I won't ever want Ishikawa to look at me the way she's looking at Todoroki right now." Kaminari laughed under his breath.

"She's normally so laid back." Asui noted.

"She's probably feeling a little embarrassed. She went through all of that effort for nothing. That's a bit of an ego bruiser, don't you think?" Tokoyami said, looking at the currently fuming Hana.

Bakugou rolled his eyes but didn't say anything. His eyes wandered up to the screen and he noticed that as the ice melted off her legs, she crossed her arms and stormed out of the room. He was having a shitty day to say the least but for some reason, that little pouty march of shame of hers made him laugh.

Okay, maybe not laugh laugh. Just that thing where you blow air out of your nose kinda hard in amusement? She came back into the room and noticed him staring a little. Her left hand came to rest on her hip as she tilted her head to the side.

"Hey there, Baku. You feeling better after all that? I know I always feel bushy-tailed after a homicidal rampage." She said, playfully.

"You expect me to believe a little runt like you can go on a rampage?" He huffed, looking away. "What do you do? Throw your toys?"

"Oh, my wittle heart!" She laughed as she threw her arm over her face dramatically. "You're so cruel to me, dude."

"You're just a pansy, Sunspot." He huffed.

He noticed that lazy, amused grin slowly spread back over her pastel face like butter on warm toast. The second he took a breath to ask what that stupid look was about, she cut him off.

"Sunspot? Seriously?" She snorted playfully. "Oh, I get it! Because of my yellow freckles across my face, right? Dude, that's actually kinda cute."

"Whatever, loser." He growled back at her, sulking over the fact that she made an intended insult into a damn pet name.

She bounced away to go talk to Uraraka. Now that she thought about it, maybe today wasn't all bad.

[fuckmeethan-blog]

Stardom (Part 1) G.D

“Anyway guys, that's all for this week. Love you all, see you next Friday. Mwah!” Y/N smiled, blowing a kiss and then she waited a few seconds before standing up and she cut the camera. With a sigh of relief, she let a single hand run through her hair that had been made up into tight, bouncy curls to look slightly presentable for her video. She was glad that it was finally done and she could relax for the rest of the day… or at least until night rolled in and she was doomed with the job of editing.

Y/N had been making YouTube videos for the past two years and had just exceeded 500K Subscribers and she was over the moon, despite not being overly popular and hyped up in the community she was more than happy with her ‘little family’ that came back every week to support her and watch all of her new content. She packed away her camera, lights and then folded up her backdrop before falling back, down onto her soft bed. “Ugh, that feels so good!” She let out, not missing the feeling of being sat on an uncomfortable stool for three hours doing a Twitter QnA.

Like usual, after filming a video she took it upon herself to go through social media, looking at a few posts and then she tweeted: ‘This week’s video is filmed my little dumplings, can’t wait for you all to see it. Some tea might be spilled!’ And almost instantly she was getting notifications- something she still thought to this day was crazy, two years ago her twitter was dead and filled with cringe-worthy posts and now she had just over 100K followers and was receiving so many messages:

‘I love you Y/N!’

‘YESSS! So excited queen, you know Fridays are my favorite because of you’

‘Look at this drawing I did of Y/N, please retweet so she can see!’

‘U G H, I stan a queen.’

A few hours had passed and she didn’t even notice, too caught up in liking her fans comments and artwork. Since she was once in their position she knew what it was like, trying so hard to be noticed for something, a like, comment back or a retweet even. That's one thing her ‘Little Dumplings’ loved about her the most, how interactive she was with everyone. She was so absorbed in spamming posts and comments that she didn’t even realize her roommate Kinan was back. “Hey Bitch, wanna go to Chipotle? I’m starving, that whore at work cut my lunch break AGAIN.” He groaned, but there was still a hint of venom in his voice that made Y/N chuckle.

“Alright sure, I’ll come.” Y/N said, jumping up and she slipped into her Off-White sneakers. Kinan’s eyes widened and he shook his head looking her up and down, almost in utter disgust. She raised a single brow at him and then folded her arms over her chest, letting out a deep sigh. “What’s wrong?” She asked, watching as her best friend strutted over to her wardrobe and opened it up.

He flicked through a few items before replying, “I know you’re cute and all but, we live in LA now girl, you can't be going out in…” He paused momentarily, turning to face her and he looked her up and down again with a pout, “That.” causing Y/N to gasp in shock, half sarcastically.

“I’ll have you know Kinan, I just filmed for three hours wearing this outfit!” She resorted, attempting to defend herself as much as possible. Y/N wasn’t overly girly or fashionable. Most of her clothes were either from ASOS or Forever 21 where Kinan worked, meaning she got discount on most things. That and thrift stores, but she had taste and could put an outfit together, they were just never as bougie as Kinan’s Balenciaga’s and Gucci that looked like James Charles had thrown up all over him.

He just tilted his head, still looking through her outfits. “Hmmm… Sounds like a personal problem.” Y/N rolled her eyes, sitting on the edge of her bed and slowly scrolled through some of the comments on her recent Instagram post while her friend tore her wardrobe apart looking for the most flashy thing she could possibly imagine wearing to go to Chipotle for a fucking burrito. “Ah, this will do!” He told her, pulling out a pair of mom jeans with a long-sleeved, skintight black shirt with white stripes. “Cute right? I mean, for you.”

“I swear, this attitude needs to stop.” She laughed, taking them from him and she began to get changed. Kinan seemed to disregard her comment, swaying his hips side to side as he left her bedroom and he swung on the doorway before heading to the front door. Once Y/N was ready, she checked herself out in front of the long mirror she had in her bedroom, snapping a quick photo and she posted it to her Instagram story with a dancing burrito gif in the corner. “I’m coming!” She called, scooping up her black Louis Vuitton bag that Kinan had got her for Christmas, it was real too and cost him an arm and a leg.

“Oooo she’s cute.” He smirked, picking up his car keys from the side and they left the apartment together, going down to the parking lot where his wrapped, lime green Mini-Cooper was. Their best mode of transport. “Get in bitch.” He told her as Y/N was walking slightly behind him, her head in her phone but he couldn’t complain, if he wasn’t so hungry he’d be worse than her.

Once the pair of them were in the car, Kinan connected his phone and shuffled his playlist, ‘Bohemian Rapsody - Queen.’ He grinned, looking at Y/N and she looked up from her glowing screen, giving him a similar large grin as the song began and they pulled out into the streets of Los Angles. Y/N began to record Kinan as he drove and sang. “Mama...Just killed a man!” She giggled at his imitation and twisted the camera to face her, miming the words as she was too embarrassed to actually sing. That was the second thing she uploaded to her story…

As Chipotle drew closer the chorus, or at least their favorite part of the song kicked in and the pair of them shamelessly screamed the lyrics at the top of their lungs, starting with Y/N;

“BISMILLAH!”

“NO, WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO!” Kinan screeched, turning to another street.

“LET HIM GO!” Y/N ‘sang’ just as high, and it repeated until the intense instrumental kicked in.

By this point, as they sped down the streets in the luminous Mini they were without a doubt getting looks from each side of the walkway as the music blared, but not quite drowning out their shrieking voices. However, as the large Chipotle sign could be seen at the bottom of the block, the song concluded and the pair of them finished it together in hushed voices, “Anyway the wind...blowsssssss!” Then Kinan pulled into the parking lot and the pair of them hopped out.

“Okay so me and Kinan are going to Chipotle right now, we just had a fun karaoke session in the car, hello James Corden? Sign me up.” Y/N spoke, filming the pair of them as they walked around to the front of the restaurant.

However, mid-filming Kinan’s attention was caught by somebody else walking down the opposite side of the street. “Oh my god! Is that Grayson Dolan?” he gasped causing Y/N’s eyes to dart immediately to the other side of the street and her mouth dropped.

She double tapped the screen, flipping the camera to record the one and only, Grayson Dolan, as Kinan had suspected. He was alone, casually walking down the street in a tight, plain black tee that showed off his slightly tan, muscular arms and he had tight, smart pinstripe bottoms on. His hand was pressed against his cheek, his phone on his ear and he was occupied talking.

Y/N flipped the camera back to them and was still in a state of shock, ever since she started making YouTube videos, and even from before that in the days of Vine she had known the Dolan Twins. She was a huge fan, and apparently so was Kinan as he took it upon himself to giggle and say to the camera, “Oohh Daddy.” causing Y/N to snap out of her trance in a fit of laughter.

The recording ended and she posted it without a caption before looking back up again but it was too late, she could still see him but he was far down the block. “Well bye, bye Dolan…” She whispered quietly and her smile faded momentarily. That was until Kinan snatched her hand and dragged her inside of Chipotle.

“Bitch I know you’re shook because you just saw a Daddy Dolan but like, I’M STILL HUNGRY so get your ass in gear and we can be fangirls later, okay?” He said, causing her large grin to grow back on her lips and she nodded quickly, getting in line.

Once they had their burritos Y/N got back into the car and was about to take a photo when her phone died, “Fucking piece of shit.” She complained, dumping it on her thigh and she unwrapped her burrito, taking a large bite out of it which was followed by a moan, her mouth watering at how good it tasted.

“I bet you’re imagining that burrito is Grayson’s big, hot, spicy dick,” Kina smirked, buckling in beside her as he began to drive, his comment almost made her choke and he began to cackle wickedly, sounding like a witch.

Once she swallowed, Y/N swiped a bit of leftover sauce from around her lips and looked at Kinan with bright red cheeks. “Oh my god, shut up!” She told him and he just grinned, and just as the car almost fell silent, ‘Nicki Minaj - Good Form’ began to play and Kinan’s lips twisted up into an even larger smile.

“Ooooh! This is my song!” He shouted, swaying a little as he drove, causing the car to swerve a little and a car on the other side of the road started honking their horn which caused Y/N to gasp in shock but Kinan just laughed it off. “Hey! Don’t you find it funny that we JUST saw Grayson Dolan and now Nicki Minaj is playing? Like you know… his absolute BAE!”

Y/N shook her head, opening her mouth to correct him over the blaring music in the car. “It’s Ethan that stans Nicki, not Grayson.” She informed, causing Kinan to pull a peculiar yet, amused face as he turned a sharp corner.

“Ohh. So you even know which one likes Nicki, wow you fucking stalker!” He laughed, teasing her.

Getting defensive, Y/N shook her head quickly. “No, I’m not! I just used to like them a few years ago.” She admitted, holding back from telling him that she still tuned in to watch them every Tuesday, without fail. Kinan didn’t seem to buy it anyway, giving her his typical ‘Mhmm’ Face that he always did when he didn’t believe her.

Once they got home Kinan flopped in front of the sofa, turning on the TV and he began to watch Tana Mongeau, Y/N was honestly bewildered by his huge obsession for her but it was Kinan and he did whatever he wanted to. If he didn't like it in the ass, Y/N would have said Tana was perfect for him. “Hey, I’m gonna go to my room and start editing for awhile okay? Shout me if you need anything.” He just nodded, already too absorbed in the video he was watching.

Y/N sighed, slowly clicking her bedroom door shut behind her and she kicked off her sneakers at the door before sliding along her wooden bedroom floor in her odd socks, one of them white with yellow spots and the other was a pink and purple floral design. She picked up her camera from where she had left it earlier, scooped up her cables and plopped them on her bed, sliding her MacBook out from underneath it and she started to wire everything up. “Time to go back to hell!” She exclaimed sarcastically as all the clips began to get imported.

A few hours had passed and Y/N had made some progress, slicing up clips, adding bits of audio and adjusting some tragic moments of bad lighting. After awhile though it became overwhelmingly draining. She barely had any energy left in her body and decided to roll over and take a quick break. Y/N picked up her phone that she had previously put on charge while she was waiting for the videos to import onto her computer and turned it back on.

Instagram was the first thing she checked, seeing that 95K people had seen her story from three hours ago, she laughed watching the clip back of her and Kinan singing before it went to the next part, outside of Chipotle and she had almost completely forgotten about it. Once the camera flipped, showing Grayson she held down on the screen, checking him out- and also regretting not going to say ‘Hi’.

‘Oh well’ She thought, trying to brush it off as if it was nothing, but deep down it still stung that she had missed an opportunity to meet him, one half of the Dolan Twins, who she had adored for years. To take her mind off of it she went through her feed and it didn’t take her long to come across some memes that her fans had posted. It was screenshots of Y/N’s face from her story when she had spotted Grayson. Some of the captions consisted of:

‘Ooof @Y/IG/N is ME’

‘Hahahaha she is SHISHTAR SHOOK’

‘Me if I ever saw the Dolan Twins’

‘Okay, but are we gonna talk about what Kinan said??’

‘OMG @Y/IG/N and @GraysonDolan? Love that’

She chuckled, looking through them all but she didn’t really react or like any of the posts, that was until she came across a funny video edit somebody had made. The editor had zoomed into her shocked face with the meme quote from the movie Inside Out “Do you ever look at someone and wonder what's going on inside their head?” Then it cut to a sexual video edit of Grayson and she burst out laughing until she accidentally liked it.

“Oh shit!” She said, unliking it instantly, or at least once she had noticed but the fan had already screenshotted their notification and posted it with the caption: ‘dssdsafjgkea WHAT?’ which represented exactly how Y/N felt and she facepalmed. “Shit…” She sighed, refreshing the post as it got lots of comments.

She gave up after awhile, laughing it off as it was just a meme and saved all of her editing progress that she had made so far. Y/N decided to call it a night, putting her phone back on charge and she packed her editing equipment away before slipping out of her clothes and put on some shorts and a long tee for bed, throwing her bra away somewhere random in the room before collapsing onto her bed and after that it didn’t take her long to fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.

“Y/N!” Was the first thing she heard, she crinkled her face and rolled over, not prepared to wake up but then her shoulders were shaken. “Y/N GET UP!” Kinan was demanding and she didn’t want to contest. Her eyes peeled open slowly and she rubbed them with the back of her hand.

Once the bright light overwhelming her vision had settled down and she adjusted to the light, Y/N sat up, resting her head back against her wall. “Yeah? What’s up?” She asked, raising a brow at Kinan who was overly excited.

“Check. Your. Twitter. NOW!” He said excited, bouncing on her bed. She scrunched her face again, groaning as she reached over for her phone and opened up the twitter app, unsure what to expect. Then, once her feed refreshed and she skimmed over the tweet she almost collapsed.

‘@GraysonDolan: So I finally found @Y/T/N that everyone has been telling me about and I’ve been watching her YouTube videos for about an hour now. Holy shit she’s cool. Subscribed.’

[cloudfiveclub]

——————————————————

ahh it’s finally here sorry for the wait anon!

there’s also one more zabdiel request and erick request sitting in my ask box and i am trying my best to get to it but it also depends if my brain will cooperate with me 😣 i promise to get to them eventually though 😅

enjoy this xx

Replacement [Zabdiel De Jesus]

Zabdiel's name fell from your lips like a broken record as your orgasm washed over you. Your thighs quivered as he filled your cunt, both your juices mixing together. He let out a loud groan as he emptied himself inside you, before pulling out slowly to let you savour the feeling of his cock sliding through your walls for the last time that afternoon. You shivered at the feeling of oversensitivity, but let out a tiny and satisfied whimper.

He immediately collapsed beside you in a huff, laughing despite his shortness of breath. "Good as always, amor," he chuckled. Both of you sat up against the pillows and he took the opportunity to wrap his arm around your shoulder, and you let him. But you couldn't stop the feeling of discomfort and guilt from returning.

"Do you want to have dinner tonight, amor? There's a new place at the pier. Some seafood stuff, I think," he suggested. You smiled superficially, breathing out deeply as you sat up further. You lent forward to reach across the bed to grab your bra, which had been carelessly tossed to the corner of the mattress during your activities.

"Uh, I have plans tonight actually," you told him hesitantly as you moved away to reclothe yourself.  Zabdiel frowned when you said that, sitting up as he watched you walk around the room to grab your various articles of clothing. He wasn't going to lie to himself, he was disappointed. It had started off as a casual thing and both of you had agreed that it wasn't anything exclusive. It was just sex and you guys were just best friends. Just something to preoccupy yourselves with and in short, just for fun and for the heck of it.

But as time went by, the physical intimacy with you turned into a craving for emotional intimacy. Zabdiel knew he liked you. A lot. And he could only hope you felt the same way. You liked kissing him during sex, which was different compared to his previous sexual partners. You actually didn't mind when he slowed down the pace to make love to you rather than go hard and rough. He hoped this were tell tale signs you liked him back, but right now he was too much of a wuss to tell you.

"Oh," was all he could respond with. He tried hiding his disappointment, but a slight whine was evident in his voice. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Uh, dinner. And I'm going to the carnival after that, I think," you mumbled as you pulled your shirt over your head. You grabbed your phone off Zabdiel's dresser and cracked a smile at the lockscreen, seeing that the recent messages were from Joel.

hey there, can i pick you up at 6? :)    3:56pm you can pick a later timing if you want   3:59pm or earlier, i don't mind  3:59pm

You bit back a dumb smile as you read his texts. You could practically feel his nervousness through your screen; he was too cute.

"Uh, with who?" Zabdiel questioned further, frowning as he tried his best not to sound too jealous. He didn't want to pry too much either.

You froze up momentarily when he said that. God, you couldn't tell him it was his bandmate. You didn't know if he would flip his shit. You couldn't tell him you were going on a date with his best friend just after having sex with him. You bit your lips, preoccupying yourself with putting on the rest of your clothes as you stumbled over your words.

"It's... uh... I-It's someone. This guy... he.... uh, you-you don't r-really, um, know him," you mumbled unsurely. "Just some friend. Just a dinner."

He frowned, squinting his eyes at your vague answer and you nervously looked at him, awaiting his response. Eventually, he sighed and shrugged his shoulders, reaching over to the bedside table to grab his phone.

"Alright. Have fun," he stated simply. There was a slight edge to his tone, and his response was too snappy for your liking. You worried if you had upset him, but he seemed to have busied himself with his phone, so you grabbed your things, leaving the matter aside, and left him after saying goodbye.

-

"Ta-da!"

Joel shoved a whole box of pizza in front of you, and you couldn't help the giggle that escaped your lips. He hopped onto the couch next to you, immediately sinking in dangerously at how bouncy and soft it was. He snuggled up to your side and placed the pizza box down on the table in front the both of you, opening it up and grabbing a slice.

He held it up to you, opening his mouth to get you to do the same. You laughed, mimicking his actions and you let him feed you the slice, taking a bite and catching as much of the stray cheese strands as you could with your mouth and fingers. As you shoved the food into your mouth, you phone went off. You checked it, but your heart dropped slightly when you saw who it was from.

Princesa, you free now?   9:41pm Can I come over? ;)   9:41pm

You swallowed the food in your mouth, sneaking a cautious glance at Joel. Fortunately, he was too preoccupied with devouring the pizza and flipping through the shows on netflix to pay you too much attention at the moment. You typed Zabdiel back a quick reply, saying you were too busy and that you couldn't do tonight. The last thing you wanted was for him to find out about you and Joel. No, the both of you weren't exclusive. Yet, at least. You were hoping Joel would ask you to be his girlfriend soon. You really liked him.

But you were still slightly guilty. You were still sneaking around with Zabdiel behind his back; his best friend and bandmate. And you still needed to find a way to break your arrangement off with Zabdiel. You anxiously gnawed on your nail as you re-read Zabdiel's two latest messages over and over again. You knew he was going to push though, you had never once said no to him when he asked you for sex. He always found a way to get you to do anything for him willingly, especially when it came to fucking. But lately, you had been trying your best to put off your shagging sessions more and more, and you knew he was becoming suspicious.

But this was a date; and you couldn't let him come over to your house now. Especially not with Joel snuggling with you on your sofa.

"Do you want Thor? Or... The Avengers?" Joel asked, bringing you out of your deep ponder. You gave him a stressed smile, trying your best to cover up your jitters as you set your phone down for a second.

"Thor. I haven't watched that in a while," you told him. You wiggled around a little, bringing yourself closer to him and letting him wrap his arm around you. Your phone went off again, and you discreetly checked it away from him. Just as you predicted, Zabdiel had asked you again, followed by a string of messages saying that he missed you and he needed you badly. All in lewd descriptions, though.

Your face burned, and you gazed up at Joel cautiously to make sure he wasn't looking before you messaged Zabdiel back to try and tell him you really couldn't do tonight. But you stopped short and almost screamed when you saw his last text.

I'm coming over.   9:53pm

You gasped a little too loudly at that, which gained Joel's attention. He turned to you in concern. "What? What's wrong?" He questioned, looking you up and down in assumption that he had done something. You shook your head as you stared at him with wide eyes.

"Uh- nothing, no. Muscle twitch. It was a shock," you fibbed quickly as you placed your phone down on the table. "Let's just watch the movie."

You ignored his suspicious look and faced the television to avoid any further questioning, and thank god, he followed along. But you could barely focus on the movie, and Joel's comforting arm did nothing to ease your nerves. You knew your doorbell was going to ring anytime soon, and you were already formulating a plan to kick Zabdiel out before he saw Joel or vice versa.

But the time passed by all too quickly, and only ten minutes later, your doorbell rang and your heart stopped short. Joel frowned and turned towards the door. "Who's that? Did we order more food? I thought everything was here..."

You plastered on a nervous smile, wriggling out from his arms and hopping over the back of the couch. "Nah, probably my neighbour asking me where her cat went again. Crazy, haha," you lied, almost breathless from how nervous you were. You could tell Joel didn't really believe you but he let it go, nodding unsurely and facing the screen again to continue the movie.

You scampered over to the door, yanking it open and coming face to face with your friend. Before he had a chance to say anything, you pushed him out, barreling out the door with him and shutting the door behind you.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" you hissed, causing the cheeky grin from his face to be slapped away. He narrowed his eyes at you, staring at frosted window on your door as if he could see what was going on inside.

"Are you actually busy?" He asked gruffily without answering your question. You scoffed in disbelief when he said that.

"Yes," you replied. "And I can't do anything right now." You breathed in deeply, screwing your eyes shut and rubbing your temples. Zabdiel frowned, and before you could stop him, he hopped over to your window. Which you had left wide open and void of curtains.

He peeped in, moving around to see the inside of your house, and you hurried after him to block his vision. But he had seen Joel at that point, and he whipped his head round to face you.

He was clearly confused, but you could see him jumping to all sorts of conclusions in his mind. "Joel? What's he doing there?" He demanded. You opened you mouth to respond to him, but he cut you off before you could say anything. "Are you guys on a date? Is that why you can't hang out with me?"

"Hang out? We both know you just wanted to come over so I could suck you dick," you spat harshly, voice still low to make sure Joel couldn't hear from the inside.

Zabdiel's jaw clenched and he widened his eyes at you. "Are you seeing him?"

You swallowed as you stared at him defiantly. "You don't control my life," you hissed, totally avoiding his question. Truth be told, you didn't know if you could even tell him the truth. You knew he might feel betrayed if you told him you'd been sneaking around with his best friend. Worse, he might feel bad towards Joel. 

Zabdiel stared you down and you recoiled back slowly, and it shocked you to actually see him so mad. "You like him," he said shortly. It wasn't a question; it was a statement. And you realised your dodgy answers had basically just confirmed it for him. You couldn't deny anything further. 

"So what if i do?" you asked, voice going slightly higher as you became more nervous. He scoffed incredulously, mirroring your actions of folding his arms. He brought his gaze away from you, and glared angrily at your window, which you knew was just indirectly aimed at Joel even though they couldn't see each other. 

"Oh come on? You aren't jealous that I might be sleeping with him too, are you? But no, I am not sleeping with him. Joel is actually really nice," you told him, ending off your sentence with a huff. But just like that, a lightbulb went off in your head. Suddenly all the times he chose to go slow and intimate in bed, all the lunch and dinner dates he liked inviting you to, all the possessiveness and short answers he gave you whenever you talked about another guy made sense. He was jealous, alright, but not for the reason you thought. 

"You like me," you concluded, pretty much in disbelief yourself. He avoided your eyes, keeping them trained on your open window, which only meant confirmation for you that you were right. 

You took a deep breath, closing your eyes for a second. "I'm sorry, Zab, but we need to break this off. I really like Joel and I don't want to ruin anything with him," you told him sombrely. "We'll talk about this another day. I have a date."

You didn't bother catching Zabdiel's reaction. 

[veridium]

happy pills

The storm is on the horizon for your favorite modern thedas college girls. It’s my honor to push my piece a step further on the board. This episode brought to you by Norah Jones’s “Happy Pills,” otherwise known as my favorite song to sing wine drunk in the shower! 

Enjoy some sad, tepid burn and friends knocking sense into each other! uwu!

start from the beginning // previous episode

--

6:50am, Friday morning:

--dude, send me your coffee order in ten minutes or perish.

Ellinor: surprise me

--you hate when I do that

Ellinor: you always say that! you know me

--ok fine, it’s my funeral after it’s yours. I’m at the studio. Hopefully you’ve snuck back through the window from your nocturnal love nesting.

Friday morning workout at the dance studio does not rival Josephine’s pep talk as far as therapeutic outlets go, but it’s a close placebo. She’s been going once a day at least since Wednesday evening, and switched to early mornings in order to evade any possible ‘run-in.’ Now she is an even more mean, lean, dancing machine than she usually is, dressed in her black leotard, tights, and running shorts. The last thing on her to-do list while in town is to stop into the coffee shop downtown to pick up coffee for her and Ellinor -- she called dibs on the honors, edging out Cullen for once that week.

She parks her car on the curb at 7:45am and tosses her hair up in a clip. Hopping out of her mini and over the crosswalk, she walks in with ease though the memories flood. Down the way she sees the table where her and Cassandra had their disaster coffee meet-up, and butterflies yet linger in her stomach as she waits in line to place her order.

Just as it’s her turn, people come down the shop stairs from the second-floor lounge area. A set of flats with ballerina laces, the other calf-high, military style boots. The worst combination of people there could ever be. Cassandra, and the red-headed friend of Josephine’s. Lily? Leliana. Leliana.

What are they doing here? It’s the crack of fucking dawn!

They’re walking close, and it’s not due to the lack of space. Shoulder-to-shoulder, like...like how they used to. Olivia can’t bare to look at their faces and have it be made worse. She closes her eyes and turns away. Dread and its accompanying sensations flood her from nose to toe. She braces for a collision, a cringey ‘oh how do you know so-and-so?’ and sly grin for absolutely no reason. Cassandra’s awkward inability to hide her feelings of uncomfortable distaste.

But, across the floor, the secondary door entrance rings its bell, and she turns to see they are gone. Left without so much as a horrible side-eye. Well, fine, if that is how it is...

Is she that unrecognizable post-workout? God, she must be. She pulls out her phone and flips the selfie camera on. It isn’t the worst she’s ever looked -- sophomore year, second semester finals definitely takes the cake in that category. But she does look...human. Mortal. Normal, sans emo pride flag hoisted in her wake.

Her gawking is interrupted by a text from Ellinor:

Ellinor: Hey, still bringing my coffee? I have some things to do and class later…

--Yeah, I’m ordering now. Be at the dorm in 15.

Oh, so she is alive. Funny. She pays for her to-go order, a white non-fat mocha and an Oregon chai. She’s expanding Ellinor’s palate, slowly but surely, starting with the chai family. Today is a risky day to try, though -- Ellinor has been a happy nervous mess, and last night’s antics have them both on edge: another instance where she’d said she would come home in a few hours, tops, only to stay over until morning. Something’s got to give.

Heading to her car, she makes a couple more texts, but to Theia instead:

--dude, hey, do you know Leliana?

She’s buckled up by the time Theia responds. The early mechanic bird always gets first dibs at tinkering with the shop stuff, as she would say.

Theia: Leliana? Who fucking doesn’t.

--That makes me feel better. She queer?

Theia: Yeah, she’s one of us. Cool once she likes you. I swear she ran a government background check on me when I started hanging out with Josie.

--well, great, she’s hanging out with...she who shall not be named

Theia: Well, hope she says goodbye, because I’m still killing her lol

--Ha, very funny. I gotta drive, I’ll text you later. See you this weekend at the gala?

Theia: Yep!

Well, shit. What’s there to like about the situation besides their choice in shoes? Nothing. But she’s got a coffee order to deliver to her best friend, and that takes precedent. She puts the car into gear and takes off.

Once on campus she marches straight up to their rooms, where Ellinor is waiting with a boot tapping the ground and phone in both her hands.

“There you are! Fuck,” Ellinor sighs, rubbing one of her eyes. “Tell me it’s at least a double-shot.”

“Triple,” Olivia grins, handing it to her. They both sip, and Ellinor makes a face.

“Is this a boujee chai? You got me a boujee chai again.”

“I got you a nice chai. You’re welcome, Olivia, for being my coffee fairy…”

Ellinor pinches the bridge of her nose, like a reset button, and refocuses on her phone screen. Is she still grumpy from Olivia’s read last night? Maybe, it was a bit...brutal. That’s what happens when you catch her trying to sleep, noise machine on ocean sounds and late night oreos digesting.

“Thank you,” Ellinor finally spits out, pulling her headphones from her denim jacket pocket. “I’m sorry, I’m just...worried.”

“Why? What’s up? Fuck, my class starts soon, let me throw some clothes on and get my bag.”

A black spaghetti strap, black jeans, and a grey long cardigan will have to do. She runs some product through her wet hair and ties it back up, and out in no more than 3 minutes. They get down the stairs and onto the sidewalk. Private enough for multitasking gossip and academia.

“So, what’s with the stick up your ass?” Olivia asks, slipping her aviators on.

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit.”

“Not even!”

“You got ten minutes before the door closes and you gotta find another plucky blonde to be your confessor, dude. Speak now or forever hold your peace!”

“Urgh!” Ellinor chokes back an erroneous groan, pressing her to-go cup to her lips. “I need to be beamed up, Scotty. This is getting too much.”

“Too much? Dude, what?”

Ellinor takes another long chug, and their walking gets faster. Oh no, she’s not getting out of this one.

“His sister is arriving today.”

“I thought you were excited to meet her.”

“I am! It’s just...It’s…” they round a corner, a back path to the area of campus where their buildings are located. “You know in movies and shit when people get introduced to other people and the mutual friend goes “ah, shit, this is...my...friend,” like all awkward? I realized this morning that he’s gonna have to do that.”

Olivia sighs, adjusting the position of her bag shoulder strap and hooking her thumb onto it. “And you want to be introduced as an important person.”

“Yes! I--NO!”

“Aha!” Olivia finger guns. Caught red-handed...or...hearted...whatever it is.

“That is not what I am having an issue with! Look, you were right, okay. I don’t want it to be this way. I need to nix it.”

Olivia dragged her shoe heel to a halt, eyes round and mouth agape. “The fuck?! Ellinor, how am I to blame for this?”

“Your text! You...with the thing...and the ‘is this what I want’ shit!”

“Ugh! Ellinor, Jesus Christ!” she grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her off to the side. They had entered a little park-like area, with a couple trees and a cheap looking sitting bench. Guiding -- no, yanking -- Ellinor to it, she slung her onto her ass and set down her coffee.

“Alright, Ellinor, gloves coming off.”

“What?”

“Gloves, off,” Olivia rolls her shoulders. She’s still feeling bouncy and strong from workout. “You keep saying the opposite of what you feel and it shows. You obviously like him, and he obviously likes you. Why are you acting like being an adult only means saying no? The fuck?” Olivia throws her arms up.

“I’m not! I’m just being practical! I don’t even know if would want to be anything else. He seems perfectly fine as it is!”

“Who said to be friends, Ellinor? Who? I’ll give you three guesses, the first two don’t count!”

The world seemed to stop turning. Olivia stood there, hunched forward in her shoulders, looking like she was lobbying on a Congressional floor that water was a basic human right. That same ardor, all for her best friend botching her love life. But Ellinor was squirming for all the wrong reasons. She was doing exactly what she did when things got too good: finding a reason to call it good, while they were ahead.

Ellinor bunches her knees together and sits back, pouting.

“I said it,” she mumbles.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear. Who?” Olivia holds a hand to the rim of her ear.

Ellinor purses her lips and looks off to the side, evading her eye. “I did…” another low tone.

“Uh, come again?”

“I did! Dammit!” she kicks the floor and folds her arms. “Shit, fuck, dammit…”

“BINGO! Ya’ll we got a winner!” The salt in her tone’s getting excessive, even for her own internal standards. Which, clearly, are immense. Deflating her tirade and taking a breath, Olivia puts her hands to her hips. Shifting from antagonist asshole friend to helpful soccer coach mom.

“Babe,” Olivia gives in, “maybe it’s time you listen to the Disney song and say you like him, and you know what you want from him.”

“Do I?” Ellinor asks as Olivia sits down next to her, thigh-against-thigh. She lays her head on Olivia’s shoulder. “I’m so confused I can barely think straight.”

“Hey, that’s less of a problem then you think.”

“Oh. Ha-ha, nice gay joke, funky little bisexual.”

Olivia giggles, and wraps her arm around hers. “Hey, it worked. And now, we’re gonna be late for class.”

“I know.”

They both sigh, and accept the inevitable. Each of them has their reasons. Ellinor probably doesn’t want to see Cullen and have all her existential agony to show off. Olivia just...wants to stop caring. The week has gone on logistically without a hitch, and her workaholic personality has ensured everything but her love and social life has gone smooth. Everything is on fire, but it’s fine. It’s so fine.

“Well, games are fun, right? We’ll have fun.”

Olivia stills, her cheeks flushing. It suddenly gets a whole lot hotter. “Uh, hey, about that…”

Ellinor twitches and sits up, looking at her with a pointed face of ‘oh god, please don’t.’ “Olivia…”

She cringes and bunches her shoulders. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“You said yesterday it’d be fine! That you were all good under the hood!”

She glares, but with a laugh in the back of her throat. “I didn’t say ‘all good under the hood.’ I have never said that in my damn life.”

“You! But you said! Ugh, unbelievable!” Ellinor let her hands fall up, then down onto her jeans, making a slapping down. “What’s going on? Did you talk to Cass?”

Cass. She calls her Cass all the time. It’s nice, but it’s not her. Cullen calls her Cass, too. They all call her Cass. Why not her? Why does she have to be extra and say ‘Cassandra’ all the damn time? For fuck’s sake.

“No, I haven’t. It’s still radio silence, but…” she teeters on whether or not to explain, but she figures it’s written all over her face anyways. Ellinor’s look of skeptical frustration says as much. “I saw her this morning.”

She pauses. Anticlimactic, so it seems. “You...saw her? Is that...a big deal?”

“No, it’s…” she rubs her hand against her scalp of tied-back hair. “It’s not that, really. It’s...how I saw her.”

Ellinor looks as if she’s about to hear a testimony of assisted homicide, as she turns to face her, criss-crossing her legs and picking her coffee up. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“You know that girl I told you about, the one Josie introduced me too?”

“Yeah, the creepy redhead. What about her...oh, oh no. Liv…” she scowls in sympathy, “they weren’t…”

Liv smiles with sadness and looks off to the grass in front of them. “They were at the coffee shop. What was supposed to be our coffee shop. At 7:45 in the morning, no less. You know what that means.”

“...morning after hookup coffee…” Ellinor whines a bit in secondhand misery. “Fuck. It can’t be.”

“I mean, I was wrong. I must be,” Olivia shrugs. “Or she’s having very fond friendships.” Very, very fond. 7:45 in the morning, dressed with makeup on and school bags packed fond. No one’s that fond without something that perked them up the morning before. Unless you were Ellinor Trevelyan and hated admitting feelings.

“The worst part,” she chuckles again, “the worst fucking part! Is that Leliana said she heard about me. My dumbass was like ‘oh, cool, Josie mentioned me,’ but no! It was! Her! That...that!” she stops before she gets carried away, gritting her teeth as she puts her coffee to her chin. “They must laugh about me. Goodness, why would she make a move on Cassandra, she’s clearly not interested and spoken for! Secret...CIA lesbians…”

Ellinor rolls her lips, choking on her laugh she so desperately wants to let out. They refrain from eye contact in order to save face.

“You might be jumping to conclusions, maybe? They could be friends. Josie and her seemed tight, and you don’t know if this Leliana person is even--”

“I texted Theia after I saw them. She’s ‘one of us.’ And pretty, and sophisticated, and...has leadership roles. I look like a chipmunk and Marilyn Manson had a love child on a good day.”

Ellinor gasped, and slapped her in the thigh. “Olivia Berenice, shut up! What the hell! Whatever this woman has going for her, you’re hot, okay? Hot, and brilliant, and cultured!”

“I’m a chipmunk!”

Ellinor roars and starts tickling her in the side, but she only groans and squirms like a gangling preteen without proper cognitive awareness. But, laughter does take hold, and she even snorts.

“Fine, fine! I’m not a chipmunk!” she wiggles, “I just! I’m mad. I’m mad that I’m mad. I shouldn’t be jealous of something that wasn’t mine to begin with. But here I am, sulking and pouting, going ‘but that’s MY spare bike helmet she’s probably wearing, riding on the back of her motorcycle.’ I want to bury myself alive. This shit blows.” She sips more of her mocha, but the sweetness is no longer satisfying. The taste of resentment and unresolved bisexuality overtakes the white chocolate.

“It...it does blow,” Ellinor admits, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. “Damn.”

“So, forgive me, but I don’t think me showing up tonight will be good. Or necessary. I’m just gonna be that awkward friend that Cullen wants to be nice to but also respect his roommate’s choices. And from what I gather of Leliana, she’ll probably just go Avril Lavigne and kick me into the mini-golf lagoon.”

That evokes a laugh, but a sorry one. Pity. Ellinor downs the rest of her chai and slides her feet over the edge of the bench, boots barely touching down on the dirt. “That means I’ll be on my own with Rosalie, probably. Fuck.”

“Hey, that’s not a bad thing. You’re cute, and funny. From what I’ve heard of her, she’ll probably look at you like the sun shines out your ass. A grunge babe, out in the world and getting educated. Yeah…” she teases, a crooked and charming smile.

Ellinor groans. “I’m a mess, is what I am. She’ll see me twenty yards out and go ‘shit, what’s that hot mess express doing out here in public?’ and Cullen will go, ‘hey, that’s my friend! My friendly friend, who I only have friendship for. The friendliest friend to ever...friend…” she gets sadder the more she talks, as does her posture. It’s disheartening to see her spin and spin and spin, rather than just cut herself a break.

“Ell, you gotta put yourself outta your misery,” Olivia concludes, pulling her phone out. “And I don’t mean by taking a break.”

“There’s no way to know if I’ll be more miserable for indulging myself, though. I’ll just jump out into the water and fall flat on my face.”

“Or, he could catch you, like he’s been trying and offering to this whole damn time.”

“That’s not true!”

“Ughhh, Ellinooorr,” Olivia falls forward into her lap, her head hung low. “Christ alive.”

“It’s not! He doesn’t look a touch uncomfortable with being friends.”

“Yeah, because so far friends has gotten him a spooning-mate for what, three nights?”

“Two!”

“Two! My God, forget about it, nevermind!”

They roll their eyes at the same time but for contrasting reasons. Olivia, fed up a bit by the circular direction of the conversation, would rather go to class and risk being locked out for her delinquency. “Come on, to class, binch.”

Ellinor lays her head back but pushes herself up, dragging her feet but carrying on. When they’re back on the sidewalk, fresh air in their lungs, things feel a bit less useless.

“But that also means he’s probably sick of me making demands,” Ellinor speaks again after about a minute of walking. “If I try to reset the boundaries, he’ll probably think I’m too bossy or something.”

“The man likes to be bossed,” Olivia says rather mercilessly, “I’ve never seen a guy with a more apparent invisible “peg me” sign on his forehead.”

“Olivia!!”

“What?!” she shrugs, “there’s a nobility in getting pegged.”

“Yeah? And what would you be, if Cassandra was involved?” a sharp, cutting response. Maybe Olivia hit a nerve too far.

She sighs. “The best peggers know when it’s their turn to get pegged,” she answered, “I do not possess such talents. The force is not with me.”

They come to the short concrete walkway to Olivia’s building and stop. People walk past, closer so that they have to be more secretive with their highly classified discussion.

“The force could be in you, maybe,” she giggles crassly, “uh, I mean, pour one out for your pegging skills,” side-stepping towards the path where she must walk alone. “You sure you don’t wanna go, dude? It’ll be a crowd, and you can spend all your time with Rosalie if you want to. I might need the help if she turns out hating my guts.”

Olivia slides her hands into her jean pockets and looks around. No one familiar, no one worth her attentions. Good.

“I’m sorry, Ellinor. I’m recovering, and I’m a hell of a lot better than I was last weekend, but...I don’t think I can see her. See them...at least, not like that.” The sight of Cassandra playing soccer was still sacred to her. The first real sight she ever got of her in action, and the epicenter of happier times with Ellinor on the grass sipping drinks and fantasizing about their love stories.

“Okay. Text me, alright? If you change your mind I can just swing around and come get you.”

“No worries. I’m probably gonna drive home tonight, actually. I got my dress for the gala, I just need to go spend time with Mother dearest.”

“Ugh, really?”

“Yeah. I know,” she huffs, looking up at the third floor windows where her lecture is being held without her. “Time to wake up and get on with life. You, at least, are still holding out.”

“Psh! No,” Ellinor make a ‘yikes face.’ “I’m on thin ice right next to you.”

Olivia stares at her, a brow raised. “Ellinor.”

“...what?”

She shakes her head, and turns her shoulders towards the doors that await her. “I’ll put it this way: I walked out on my person after demanding space once, and she came back around. I did it again, and I lost everything good about it in fear of facing the ‘maybe’ bad stuff. Don’t be me, checking messages that are a week old, hoping that I somehow missed one. Don’t get your heart smashed into the sidewalk when you see him out with someone else because you didn’t know what you may have had. Please.”

It pains her to say it out loud, but it’s true. The week was a yellow-brick road of life lessons learned all-too-late. If she could go back, she’s unsure of what she’d do. Maybe not kiss her, maybe still try but then ask what was wrong. Talk to her. Listen. God, listen better. But it’s too late -- or, it’s too close to being too late, and she can’t keep doing this to herself.

Ellinor frowns, as if she is about to tear up. Olivia grins and pats her on the shoulder. “Hey, go to class, kid.”

“Okay. Text me, please? Let me know when you’re on the road and when you’re home.”

“I will. Love you, bestie.”

“You too, bestie.”

And with that, they part ways, Olivia retreating into her sacred building, called Tifton Hall by everyone else. The stairs sound better than an elevator, and when she gets to the third floor, she sees that class was let out early. Great, so it was no use showing up. She climbs back to the second floor where the faculty offices are along with the TA office desk and inboxes. If she can get nothing else out of being there, she can check for any last minute notes. She’s been a horrible TA -- it’s been over a week since she checked it.

Nothing’s there, though, with the exception of a red post-it. Some Professor’s shorthanded nonsense, probably. Ripping it from the box and sticking it on her finger, though, the truth is revealed:

“Stopped by to drop off things for a Professor. Hope you’re having a good day. -C”

Her throat nearly closes, or so it feels. It must have been old. She looks on the back, and true to Cassandra’s erudite character, it’s dated. The day before last Friday. The day they hadn’t seen each other, or text, really. Turns out her distance wasn’t so far.

She looks down either end of the hallway -- no one’s there to make fun of her for what she is about to do. She pulls out her favorite notebook and presses it to the inside cover. The last thing she’ll ever have, for when she starts to forget it was ever real.

God, Ellinor, don’t fuck up like I have.

Time to put headphones in and marathon King Princess, St. Vincent, and Halsey, her sapphic patroness Saints, until she feels too heartless to care. A playlist on her Spotify made by Sera for her last fallout with a girl, titled “Girl Troubles, Dedicated to Baby Liv.”

[brockachu]

just putting some notes for myself here about my progress with video editing

ok i included these in tags but ran out of tag space + just realized i wanna make it a separate post for myself to remember and idk feel proud of myself for

+ what i said about the latest canucks wincam: getting better at jumpcuts + incorporating black screen + speed distortion & timing in general

also since i ran out of space — 5th on my top fancams list is tough. prolly between bowie captaincy narrative vs beezer ice baby. the beezer cut has good timing & (partially outside of my control but) Really Nice Clips in terms of like videography/visual aesthetic. captain bo tho also had good timing (still feel clever for syncing the count-off to the bouncy balls) + i love a narrative + the range of clips i got & how i synced them to lyrics was Really Satisfying. ((side note: it’s a shame i have like 2.5 canucks twt connections bc i think those fancams could actually reach more But i just do not like the secondary teams of most canucks twt ppl so i have few canucks mutuals and Zero traction on canucks twt. somehow it was Super Easy for to find flyers twt friends tho. this is funny to me bc my hockeyblr experience is basically the inverse — solid canucksblr connections, maybe 3.5 flyersblr friends + a conciliatory cornchip))

anyway i’m making note of all of this here bc i’m Really proud of my progress + won’t remember to journal this in my actual physical journal prolly.

i picked up video editing/fancamming late july 2020 when i was on hockey hiatus & had deep-dived japanese pro wrestling (the pandemic has been A Ride). i saw ppl making fancams for american pro wrestling & hockey & figured ‘this is a niche i could have fun with’ and just Did That for like 6 months. that’s how i finally got twitter in late november 2020, bc i wanted to share my fancams & bc the japanese pro-wrestling fandom is barely limping along on tumblr. around february 2021 i had a lot of really shitty stuff happening irl & i slowly went silent on all social media until like august/july when i reappeared here on hockeyblr. i missed hockey & i had burnt out on wrestling (deeply toxic twitter fandoms + semi-traumatic familial stress can really kill a whole hyperfixation boy howdy. and i Know a lot of twitter fandom is baseline hellscape anyway but wrestle twitter is A Nightmare. -5mil/10 would Never recommend. wrestling is a Fascinating media form. its fans are Demented.)

Anyway, first hockey fancam i made was the eichs one bc I Am Not Immune To A Narrative (anyone who reads all my tags is prolly tired of me using this word. what does ‘narrative’ mean anymore? it means i connected some dots & had feelings about it. and if the dots i connected don’t actually mean shit well let me be). body autonomy!! in sports!! one of the notoriously most vicious bitchy & vocal characters in pro hockey!! thinly veiled legal threats via pr statements!! the vilification of billionaire owners & corporations!! How Could I Resist? i couldn’t. the narrative needed a neat lil video with funky lil music. so jack got his trade and i hopped back in the fancam saddle.

canucks were playing tragic and flyers were kinda waffling. there wasn’t anything fun for me to mash together Yet. then of course, we started december with bruce and that when the spark caught fire hallelujah i had something Good to fancam. bc as i keep reiterating — my heart is in a good narrative. give me something i can interpret as a story and i will find feelings to have about it, whether by opining on this lil blog or making a fancam or both. i’ve done a lot of both.

so the canucks do their lil streak, i get lots of inspiration for fancams and it oils the gears so i start getting more ideas and making all of them and now here we are. i’m also back on twitter but hockey this time, bc i inevitably went trawling for clips + news & felt the incurable itch to share my lil opinions & make friends. it’s been a little over a month and i have made 9 individual player cams + 8 wincams + the flyers captain narrative sadcam + 1 very rough goalie sadcam. that is 19 videos over 40 days, ie about a video every other day. good god. (as a reminder to myself: at my peak of wrestle fandom, i was averaging 1 video a week. i was Much Slower then but also so hypercritical that it took me ages to have confidence to say i considered anything done enough to share. also wrestle footage is harder to find to be fair. i haven’t yet had to record & pull from a hockey livestream like i had to with wrestling bc hockey twt works faster than i could to clip anyway. i may start pulling my own clips from raw tho if i’m looking for something specific.)

okay!! so in conclusion: oh my god i make so much stuff now. and i’m happy with the stuff i make for the most part. and i’m continuing to learn & develop skills from it & honing those skills. i deserve to feel pretty cool about this. this hobby in a hobby i’ve been doing for the past year and a half is like interesting and rewarding. okay.