#that is also when i find her acting to be the most authentic | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hotvintagepoll · 4 months

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Propaganda

Hedy Lamarr (Samson and Delilah, Ziegfeld Girl)—Look. I'm sure someone has already submitted Hedy Lamarr because she was spectacularly beautiful, and a very strong lady too: she fled both an abusive marriage AND nazi persecution at a very young age and rebuilt a life for herself pursuing her love for acting all on her own!! Her career as an actress was stellar; while she began acting outside of Hollywood (her very first movie, Ecstasy, won a prize at the Venice Film Festival), she conquered American hearts very quickly with her first movie in the US, Algiers, and then just kept getting better and better. If all this isn't enough, she was also an inventor: her invention of the frequency-hopping spread spectrum radio transmission technique forms the base of bluetooth and has a lot of applications in all kinds of communication technologies. I think that deserves a prize, don't you?

Anna May Wong (The Thief of Bagdad, Shanghai Express)—Wong was the first Chinese American movie star, arguably the first Asian woman to make it big in American films. Though the racism of the time often forced her into stereotypical roles, awarded Asian leading roles to white actors in yellowface, and prohibited on-screen romance between actors of different races, she delivered powerful and memorable performances. When Hollywood bigotry got to be too much, she made movies in Europe. Wong was intellectually curious, a fashion icon, and a strong advocate for authentic Asian representation in cinema. And, notably for the purposes of this tournament, absolutely gorgeous.

We are in the quarterfinals of the Hot & Vintage Movie Women Tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Propaganda is not my own and is on a submission basis. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Hedy Lamarr:

The only person you can find both on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and in the Inventor's Hall of Fame--her radio-frequency-hopping technology forms the basis for cordless phones, wi-fi, and a dozen other aspects of modern life. She was also passionate in her efforts to aid the Allies in WWII (unsurprising for a Jewish-Austrian Emigree to America), and her name served as the backbone for one of the best running jokes in what is possibly Mel Brooks' best movie. Look, Louis B. Mayer apparently believed he could plausibly promote her as "The world's most beautiful woman". Is an entire website full of people going to be less audacious than one Louis B. Mayer? I didn't think so!

Described as "Hedy has the most incredible personal sophistication. She knows the peculiarly European art of being womanly; she knows what men want in a beautiful woman, what attracts them, and she forces herself to be these things. She has magnetism with warmth, something that neither Dietrich nor Garbo has managed to achieve" by Howard Sharpe, she managed to escape her controlling husband (and Nazi Germany) by a) Disguising as her maid and fleeing to Paris or b) Convincing the husband to let her wear all of her jewelry to a dinner, only to disappear afterwards. Also she was particularly clever and helped develop Frequency-Hopping Spread Spectrum (I can't really explain it but anyway...)

Her depiction of Delilah and Samson and Delilah just lives rent free in my head. The woman was gorgeous.

One of the most beautiful women ever in film, spoken by many critics and fans. Beautiful shapely figure, deeper seductive voice, and often played femme fatale roles. She was also brilliant and an inventor. Mainly self-taught, she invested her spare time, including on set between takes, in designing and drafting inventions, which included an improved traffic stoplight and a tablet that would dissolve in water to create a flavored carbonated drink, and much more.

Gorgeous and brilliant pioneer of modern technology and the middle part.

Anna May Wong propaganda:

"She so so gorgeous!! Due to Hollywood racism she was pretty limited in the roles she got to play but even despite that she’s so captivating and deserves to be known as a leading lady in her own right!! When she’s on screen in Shanghai Express I can’t look away, which is saying something because Marlene Dietrich is also in that film."

"SHE IS ON THE BACK OF QUARTERS also she was very smart and able to speak multiple languages and is a fashion icon on top of the acting/singing"

"Paved the way for Asian American actresses AND TOTAL HOTTIE!!! She broke boundaries and made it her mission to smash stereotypes of Asian women in western film (at the time, they were either protrayed them as delicate and demure or scheming and evil). In 1951, she made history with her television show The Gallery of Madame Liu-Tsong, the first-ever U.S. television show starring an Asian-American series lead (paraphrased from Wikipedia). Also, never married and rumor has it that she had an affair with Marlene Dietrich. We love a Controversial Queen!"

"She's got that Silent Era smoulder™ that I think transcends the very stereotypical roles in which she was typically cast. Also looks very hot smouldering opposite Marlene Dietrich in "Shanghai Express"; there's kiss energy there."

"Hot as hell and chronically overlooked in her time, she's truly phenomenal and absolutely stunning"

"A story of stardom unavoidably marred by Hollywood racism; Wong's early-career hype was significantly derailed by the higher-up's reluctance to have an Asian lead, and things only got worse when the Hayes code came down and she suddenly *couldn't* be shown kissing a white man--even if that white man was in yellowface. After being shoved into the Dragon Lady role one too many times, she took her career to other continents for many years. Still, she came back to America eventually, being more selective in her roles, speaking out against Asian stereotypes, and in the midst of all of this finding the time to be awarded both the title of "World's Best Dressed Woman" by Mayfair Mannequin Society of New York and an honorary doctorate by Peking University."

"Incredible beauty, incredible actress, incredible story."

"-flapper fashion ICON. look up her fits please <3 -rumors of lesbianism due to her Close Friendships with marlene dietrich & cecil cunningham, among others -leveraged her star power to criticize the racist depictions of Chinese and Asian characters in Hollywood, as well as raise money and popular support for China & Chinese refugees in the 1930s and 40s. -face card REFUSED to decline"

#anna may wong #hedy lamarr #hotvintagepoll #fuck that old woman #ladies quarterfinals

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all4aoki · 5 months

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⠀⠀ ☆ ░ ִ⠀ׂ NOW PLAYING . . . Hype Boy (250 Remix) NewJeans

your boys love your instagram almost as much as you do . . . enha x f!reader, poly!enha, enha8thmember

wc . . . 2.7k , warnings ! none, just fluff!

©all4aoki, 2024

You were very proud of the image you’d built yourself. It was the perfect mix of your authentic self, the sensitive and shy, with the personality HYBE had wanted for you, borderline hyper feminine and maybe a little more energetic than you usually were. But nonetheless, the soft, princess-y aesthetic you now exuded was something you thoroughly enjoyed. Fans did too, and that made sharing your life with them all that more enjoyable.

“Are you sure I’m centered?�� you asked Sunoo and he shuffled backwards a bit at your question. “Sun, that’s not an answer.”

“Calm down, princess, I'm just trying to get your whole outfit in the frame,” he said, eyes glued onto your phone screen. Finding places to take Instagram pictures at music shows was difficult. Not to say you weren’t a fan of the infamous pink wall of MBC, or the stairs from KBS, but you were a perfectionist and could only take so many pictures in front of them. So, after finding the prettiest spot by a large set of windows that showcased the beautiful weather that day, you couldn’t help but stop to snap a few pictures for a future post or photo dump.

You were just lucky that you had the most amazing boyfriends to help you take pictures.

“Woah! Did I just die and go to heaven?” You continued posing as Heeseung and Jake walked by, deciding to join you and Sunoo.

“Get out of here, Heeseung-hyung. She doesn’t need you distracting her–” Sunoo’s jaw dropped a bit as you changed the way you were standing once again. “Yah, what did they put in your water today?”

You giggled, feeling your face heat up at the compliments being thrown your way. “Stop!”

“So pretty!” Jake cheered as the three boys smiled at your fluster. “Gorgeous! Amazing! Wonderful!”

“Ahh!” you cried, covering your face with your hands to try and hide the pink that’d joined the makeup blush on your cheeks. You had a love-hate relationship when your boyfriends would watch you take photos. It was adorable with the way they fawned over you, shouting praises and fighting over who was holding the camera. But whenever they were around, you always ended up having too much fun instead of taking your tasks seriously.

That, and they had a rather cruel enjoyment of teasing you.

“Cute!” Heeseung joined Jake’s encouragements, using a tone that was similar to when he spoke to cute kids or animals.

Sunoo ignored them, but a small smile still remained on his lips. Anyone could tell that he was simply enjoying the sight of you. “Turn your head to the left a little,” he instructed and you did as he asked. And as you smiled for the camera, their small gasps of awe and tiny cheers continued. The three boys couldn’t believe you were real. The way your hair flowed effortlessly and how your makeup had been applied that day only added to your natural beauty. And the way the rhinestone decorated skirt clung to your hips and the matching top wrapped around your torso made you appear almost dreamlike. But they figured it made sense that someone so beautiful on the inside was also unbelievably stunning on the outside.

It was the little moments like these that they took to bask in their love for you. Watching as you act so naturally was like watching the sun break through the clouds on a rainy day, giving them spurts of happiness through the stressful times of promotion. When you shyly accepted their words of affection, that relaxed, blissed feeling of everything being at ease spread through each of them.

“Okay, okay,” you said suddenly, running up to Sunoo to grab your phone. “I’m done now.”

“What?” Sunoo said, turning his body so your hand missed the electronic. “But I didn’t even get any with you!”

“I didn’t know that you wanted to take any!” you laughed, trying to swipe for your phone again. Sunoo nodded his head as he maneuvered his arms so they were wrapped around you.

Jake took the phone from the younger, “I want some too.”

You sighed, walking back to the spot by the window as Sunoo clung onto your back. “Heeseung-oppa I’m guessing you’ll want some too?”

He grinned, “Of course.”

“Ok. Can you kiss me first?” Sunoo asked, interrupting Heeseung. In response, your hands found their way to the soft skin of his cheeks and Sunoo tilted his head over your shoulder so you could reach him. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Jake angling the phone with a few words of help from Heeseung. Sunoo nudged your head with his, drawing your attention back to him, “Kiss me.”

Without wasting another second, you did just that. Your fingers trailed along the skin of his neck as he pressed his lips against yours again and again. The faint sound of the iPhone camera shuttering being the only thing keeping you from losing yourself in the love you had for your boyfriends.

After you had satisfied the three’s need for pictures with you, you all quickly carried on with the day. The hours were long when it came to Music Shows. The actual recordings were over faster than you could’ve originally guessed, but the time spent waiting for the winners to be revealed tested your patience no matter what mood you were in. So, in order to distract from the mind-numbing boredom and the longing to sleep, you always turned yourself over to the rest of the group. And usually, they had no trouble keeping you entertained.

This day was no exception.

Riki was more than happy when you waltzed over after cooling down and motoring the performance, plopping yourself down onto the couch before cuddling up into his side. He didn’t hesitate to brush your hair out of the way so it wouldn’t be pulled on and blissfully helped you get comfortable on his lap.

“I need your opinion,” you said, suddenly shoving your phone screen in front of his face. He took the device from you, discovering the pretty photos of you in your outfit from the day’s stage. “Which ones should I post?” you asked and he began to swipe through them. Riki’s chin fell onto your shoulder, resting on it as he looked over the pictures. Your scent infiltrated his senses, and he melted a bit at the comforting sensation.

Riki clicked his tongue after a moment, tilting his head so it was resting on the side of yours. “I don’t know if any of them are good.”

Your head snapped to the side, looking behind you at what he was seeing and ultimately pushing his head off yours.

“What’re you…” Oh. On the screen was one of the pictures you’d taken with Sunoo, your cheeks pressed together as he smiled and you were halfway through a laugh. “Ah Riki-san,” you giggled as he resumed going through the pictures, getting to the ones of you and Jake. “Did you want some pictures with me?”

His full lips pushed out into a pout. “No– Wow, with Heeseung-hyung too?” You slapped his chest softly in protest.

“You were getting ready, Ki. I didn’t want to interrupt you,” you explained and his warm brown eyes turned to you, gaze gentle with admiration. “Hmm?” you questioned after a moment of silence. His head ducked down to kiss your cheek.

“Let’s take some now.”

“I thought you didn’t want any?”

He opened the camera app, “Well, I want to be featured in your Instagram post.”

At the words ‘Instagram’ and ‘Post’ Jay, who’d been sitting in a chair near the couch Riki and you were snuggled into, abruptly found interest in what you both were doing. Deciding to disregard how the older was now staring at you both, you made a half heart with your hand and held it up to Riki’s cheek.

“Can I do a heart pose with you?”

Riki rolled his eyes, but the hints of a smile gave him away. “Fine.”

You let out a small ‘Yay’ as the two of you got situated. He angled the camera and took a few pictures with the pose you’d requested before he delicately grabbed your face, maneuvering it closer to his so your cheeks were touching and your lips were almost on his.

“Riki-san–” your voice was muffled as his fingers squished your cheeks together.

“You don’t have to post these, but you should send them to me, princess.” Your heart trembled at the nickname that the younger was so fond of using.

The corners of your lips brushed, but Riki pulled away before you could actually move to kiss him. His expression read expectant, “Of course I’ll send them to you, Ki.”

He gave you a quick peck. “I think Jay-hyung wants a picture now.” It was true, Jay had gotten up from his spot on the chair and was now standing awkwardly by one of the gray plastic tables in the center of the dressing room. You pretended to groan as Riki assisted you in getting off of his lap, thighs brushing yours and making your face feel warm.

“You guys have never shown this much interest in my Instagram before,” you said as you pranced over to your older boyfriend. His hands found your waist instantly, and before you could process what was happening, you were being lifted off the ground and into Jay’s arms.

Riki, like the photography geek he was, had been snapping photos while Jay pulled you up so he was holding you bridal style. “We are, I don’t think you’ve ever noticed before, though.”

“It’s an honor to be on your feed,” Jay added, and you tried to not focus on how he was gripping your legs. No matter how long you’d been dating all of them, they still had the ability to make those butterflies erupt in your stomach and your heart race with love.

You wound your arms around his neck and made eye contact with the phone that was pointed at you and Jay.

“It’s an honor that you guys want to be on my feed.”

Jay’s thumb rubbed against your leg comfortingly, “Of course we want to be included with everything you do. We’re in love with you.”

You cooed faintly at his words, “I love you.”

“I love you too!” Riki called, taking one more picture before getting up himself and bringing your phone over to you. Jay refused to put you back down as you reached for the youngest. So you settled for caressing Riki’s cheek with your hand after taking back your phone.

“Love you, Ki.”

“Yeah. And since you love me so much you should be posting me today.”

The urge to take off your makeup had never been so strong before. You were exhausted, but the day of promotions was finally over and it was time to head back to the dorms. All you longed to do was throw yourself onto the large couch in the main room and cuddle with your boys. Maybe watch an old Disney movie too. Sangmi definitely would appreciate that.

The chatter from the other members as they got ready to leave fell as white noise onto your ears as you got your things around. One of your least favorite things was when you would accidentally leave things behind at music shows, therefore a new habit of yours that quickly formed after your debut was double and triple checking that everything you brought ended up right back in your bag.

Mentally, you ran through your list as you shuffled through the light pink My Mum Made It puffer bag. Phone charger, vitamins, perfume, hair clips–

“What is this I’ve heard about you taking pictures with everyone but me today?”

“Hello to you too, Hoon.” His arms slipped around your middle from behind and he peeked over you as you made sure you had everything.

“Can I have one too, baby?”

You leaned back to leave a kiss on his neck, “Of course. I just need to find my water bottle first. I don’t know where it went.”

“It’s on the vanity over here,” Sunghoon said as he tilted his head towards the left.

“Thanks, Hoon,” you replied as you took his hands to free yourself from his grasp. He didn’t let go of your hand though. Instead, he gripped onto you even tighter, your fingers feeling small as they clutched onto his thumb, and you pulled him along with you to grab the last thing you needed.

Swiftly, you grabbed the metal water bottle and moved to head back to your bag before he stopped you. “Mirror selfie?” Sunghoon offered.

“Ooh, yeah let’s do it.” You checked over your hair and makeup for a moment, deciding that while the style had fallen a bit flat and the makeup had begun to wear off, you still looked presentable. Both you and Sunghoon had changed out of your stage outfits, you wearing the brown skirt you’d shown up in today, with one of Heeseung’s white long-sleeved shirts on your top half. Sunghoon was wearing dark brown, almost black, slacks with a beige sweater that had a button-down white shirt underneath.

You turned to face him, and hugged him tightly, foot popping up behind you as you winked at the camera through the mirror.

Sunghoon chuckled, “Okay, now do a serious one.”

He let his own free arm fall to rest around your hips as you dropped your leg and smiled gently at the phone. After a minute, he decided that was enough and pulled up the pictures for you to check.

“Wah, we look so good!”

Sunghoon grinned at you, “I think it’s impossible for you to look bad.”

All you could do was tuck your head and giggle into his chest. Trying to hide your giddiness was never easy, especially when it was one of the things Sunghoon always searched for.

As soon as you had gotten into the car with Jungwon, Jay, and Sunghoon, you had fallen asleep.

Jungwon’s wide shoulders were just too comfortable to resist, and with the feeling of safety and happiness in your heart, as well as sleep pushing your eyelids closed, you were quick to drift off. You didn’t dream of anything, though, and as soon as the car began to approach the dorms, Jungwon shook you awake gently.

“Hi, dolly,” he said sweetly and you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. You kept your head on his shoulder as the car slowly wound down the road towards the dorm. The feeling of his hand rested on your own and you blinked heavily, enjoying the feeling of relaxation. Until you saw your phone in your boyfriend’s hand, your Instagram account pulled up on the screen.

“Hey, Yang Jungwon-ssi, what’re you doing with my phone?”

He leaned forward at the same time as you did, refusing you of your device.

“He posted for you,” Jay said from the seats behind you where he sat with Heeseung. “Really cute. ENGENEs are loving it.”

You glanced up at Jungwon, suspicious, “Let me see.”

The three boys laughed.

“Jungwon-oppa what did you post!” you laughed nervously and Jungwon shook his head. With him distracted by your reaction, you tugged his arm closer to you so you could look at it.

The first picture was one of the ones you’d taken by yourself, a cute one of you holding your skirt and laughing. Still not believing that the boys had posted anything skeptical of your relationship, you continued looking through them. There was a picture of you and Sunoo (the one that Riki had pointed out earlier) and the one with Jake where you were leaning onto his chest. The one with Heeseung standing behind you, his chin propped up on your head and one of each of the pictures you’d taken with Riki and Jay. There was your mirror picture with Sunghoon and…

One of you sleeping on Jungwon, your mouth open and a string of drool slipping out of the corner of your mouth.

“YAH YANG JUNGWON!” You finally tore the phone out of his hands, “What is this?” you cried.

The three of you boyfriends only laughed hysterically at your reaction. “Don’t you look so cute?” Jungwon asked.

“Oh my goodness, my idol image.”

“You don’t even look bad, princess, you just look adorable,” Sunghoon said.

You huffed out a breath of air, pouting and leaning even further onto Jungwon. “You guys are going to be the death of me.”

Jungwon pointed at something on the screen, “At least we made the caption cute.”

dollerina ENGENEs aren’t the only ones obsessed with me💕😁

마리셀의 노트 , newjeans release more music puh-lease!😭 I miss you

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pinkysberg · 4 months

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i think susan grimshaw is very emblematic of the exacerbated scrutiny that female characters face in comparison to their male counterparts. susan absolutely has missteps and flaws that are easy to point out and criticize. however, that isn't unique to susan. she's an outlaw in a gang, and of course the other members of said gang also have flaws and missteps. in many cases, they have many more overt flaws and missteps in comparison. however, the conversations surrounding susan come with significantly more disclaimers and caveats.

it's totally normal and okay to say "i really love dutch van der linde" and most of the time people aren't cosigning all of his worst deeds and that's something that doesn't require a disclaimer.

nobody thinks that your love for arthur morgan is a love for his brazen murder of innocents, the way he beats up and threatens poor and destitute folk for money or so on. just like when you say you love john marston nobody thinks you support his absent parenting and whatnot.

loving susan however? requires you to say you don't support the way she puts hands on people as a form of discipline. i am not in support of the way she tries to encourage abigail to get back into sex work just like im not in support of the way the gang members who slept with her when she first joined effectively exploited her as a minor.

it's frustrating that susan isn't offered the same level of nuance and understanding. she's a woman of middle age in the late 19th century who has likely faced violence and physical discipline. she is a product of a violently patriarchal society and in her own way she shows authentic care for the gang.

comparatively, susan has done significantly less in terms of disagreeable acts and i find im always having to include disclaimers and offering defences for things i don't think anyone would bother criticizing from the likes of dutch or hosea.

#another day another post about misogyny in media #rdr2 #susan grimshaw #thinky

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justkending · 4 months

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Mr. & Mrs. Hunt (Chapter 2)

Series Summary: Two of the most stubborn people in the group partnered together for an undercover mission are also the two people with the most hatred for each other, so what could go wrong? Or is it, what COULDN’T go wrong?…

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger Reader

Word Count: 3900+

A/N Note: You guys... Thank you for the overwhelming support on this series. You guys are the sweetest :) I've loved reading your series and promise I love them; just haven't had the chance to respond! Again, thank you for the love, as it's all turned back to you!

As for the chapter... Let's make it more fun (otherwise known as interesting) ;)

_________________

Bucky’s POV

Hidden bugs weren’t new business to us, so after disposing of the picture frame, they gifted us with a note saying, “For your new home, and your first picture in it! ;)”... It was an easy ‘accidental’ drop.

However, quickly after that, wouldn’t you know it? A new basket showed up on our porch with another set of welcome-to-the-neighborhood gifts from the whole neighborhood this time…

Y/N had ‘accidentally’ placed the newly potted plant, that they had somehow added a very impressively hidden camera on, too close to the edge of the entryway table, so when she came through the door quickly with her arms full of more boxes, the pot was no longer usable. Shame… We did buy our own pot for said plant, so we still got a new piece of greenery without the bugs.

After those two failed attempts, we hoped our show of clumsiness warded off the assholes and made us less intimidating. And yes, I use that word because I could read easily from our first meeting that they were sizing us up. Analyzing our act and manipulating themselves into our lives in a careful yet planned manner.

For extra measure on the clumsy showcase, Y/N drove into the trashcans I had forgotten to pull to the curb, making a public display of her character’s clumsiness. Though I later learned she was actually just pissed that I forgot to put them out and found a way for me to pay the consequences in our squabble on the lawn.

A squabble that started out a hundred percent authentic and then turned into a fake makeup season when the neighbors peaked their heads out.

“This jughead would forget his head if it weren’t on his shoulders,” Y/N slapped my chest before patting it harshly and smiling at the seventy-year-old next-door neighbor, Gertrude, who always happened to find her rose bushes interesting, only when people were outside.

She smiled and laughed at Y/N’s wide grin before waving her on as she snipped a few thorns.

“God, I hate it here,” Y/N said through her teeth, holding her fake smile as she walked past me into the house.

A few more preplanned acts happened while we were outside to show the community that our accidental breaking of their bugs was just that—accidental. It was not planned and discovered at all.

It had been two weeks so far, and we’d already been invited to a food truck social, a street parade for a family leaving the neighborhood, and an outdoor movie night. All events you would have thought had the same planning committee as the MET Gala with how thorough they were… At least, that's what Y/N said, and I choose to believe that it holds some form of significance.

Tonight, we went over to another couple's house that was high up in the HOA group for a neighborhood barbeque, one where Y/N’s damn lilac tennis dress she had worn to workout with a neighbor, made more than half the dads and men too old and married to be staring, struggle to keep their eyes off her.

I had told her that keeping a hand on her during most of the party was for the act, but genuinely, I didn’t care for how the men of the group gawked at her. Something gave me a bad feeling about it. And I didn’t understand why Y/N wasn’t phased at all or even slightly uneasy, considering she was just as trained as me to assess and sense all that attention.

As soon as we were behind closed doors back in our secure home, my first question was, “Did you really not feel their eyes on you?”

She was in the middle of taking off her shoes, talking about some information she had gotten from a group of stay-at-home wives, something related to our mission, but I couldn’t seem to wrap my head around how unphased she was with the unnerving type of attention she was getting there.

“What?” She paused as she bent to take off a tennis shoe.

“All those guys, the husbands, and pervs at the cookout. You didn’t notice them staring at you?” I asked again, rolling my sleeves of button-down I had on up to my elbow.

She stared at me for a moment and then rolled her eyes as if she had figured out where I was going with this. Spoiler: she was far off the mark.

“Listen, if you’re saying that thanks to this dress, which, yes, is a little short, but who the hell cares, is the reason why men were,” she straightened, kicking off both her shoes fluently, now only in socks. “Gawking at me, as you put it-.”

“I didn’t say that,” I straightened, furrowing my eyebrows.

“Oh, but you did,” she sassed with a shrug, continuing. “Under your breath when you came up, and you staked your claim by never taking your arm away from my waist for the night.”

“I didn’t say that,” I shook my head. I said it in my head, but I hadn’t said that out loud… Had I?

“Ugh, whether you did or didn’t, I could tell you were judging,” she huffed, rolled her shoulders, and walked past me to the kitchen, going straight to the fridge.

It took me a minute, but I figured out where her mind had gone. “I was judging them, Y/N,” I shook my head. “I was judging the horny, married, and dusty-ass men that couldn’t keep their damn tongue from falling to the floor with you in the vicinity. Like their wives had deprived them of any kind of physical touch for the last decade, and they couldn’t keep it in their pants any longer.”

I realized I may have explained more of my thought process than I intended, but she shut the fridge door she had hidden behind and turned to me, scanning, assessing.

“You were jealous.” The corner of her lip raised at her statement.

“What?” I scoffed. “No, loser,” I scoffed again, and clearly, I wasn’t selling my answer because she didn’t lose her growing grin. “I just took notice of how much attention you got, and it concerned me that the ideas most of those men were having were far from civil ones.”

She stared at me for a minute, and I felt uncomfortable in my own skin as she weighed her options regarding how she wanted to react. We still had plenty of fights, but they have been somewhat decreasing lately, and I was hoping we could keep that streak going.

Her assessing stopped, and her grin grew again. “Awe, the Tinman does have a heart.”

And she ruined it. Surprise, surprise.

“It’s sweet that you care, old man,” she twisted the lid to the drink she had pulled out of the fridge and took a swig before looking at me. “But that’s just a day in the life of a woman. Nothing new to me or anyone with the double X chromosomes.” She shrugged nonchalantly.

“I mean, obviously, people look at you,” I started, and she balanced her elbows on the counter before resting her chin on her fist. I continued before I realized my wording. “Before you-”

“Obviously?” She emphasized my word choice. “Keeping notes on an awful lot of things lately, huh, Buck?” she whispered my name like it was a secret, and I knew it was for the odd case someone could hear us, but something about her tone made my chest freeze. “Tell me, what else do you notice…?” She tilted her head one way as she stared at me.

I wasn’t going to lie and say her words didn’t flustered me, but as a reflex, I jumped back into the normal banter.

“You’re not funny, jackass,” I deadpanned and turned on my heel to walk away.

“Oh, stop being such a baby,” she shouted after me, and I heard her sock-clad feet slide on the hardwoods to catch up with me. “Listen, I think it’s nice you’re taking notice of stuff like this. Most men never pay attention to those kinds of things because they don’t have to. It’s not really a normal day-to-day experience for them, so they don’t get it. They don’t HAVE to get it.”

I stopped and turned in my march, and she slid into me from just two steps behind me. I caught her easily, bracing my hands on her biceps to steady her. She let out a huff of air as our chests flushed to each other and then looked up at me.

“You’re murder strut is too fast for me to keep up with,” she mumbled, scrunching her nose in a relaxed way.

I closed my eyes for a minute but didn’t let go of her before I channeled back my seriousness.

“I’ve learned men are assholes, trust me. In this field, we come across some of the worst misogynistic weasels to exist. Wear whatever you want. You have scary dog privileges now. The attire issue isn't what I was getting at,” I replied, thinking of the reference the Parker kid had explained to me recently.

Her smile was unlike any I had the pleasure to be on the receiving end of, and I immediately mentally captured it, worried that I’d never experience the genuineness she was sharing with me in this moment again.

“Scary dog privileges, huh? Someone’s been brushing up on their TikTok trends.” She laughed, scanning my face as I scanned hers. “Peter finally invested in his version of Duolingo? This one labeled new-age-slang-for-100-years-and-older?”

“Actually called, Born-in-1910’s-and-on-the-comeback-of-a-70-year-coma-new-age-lingo. Very helpful,” I retorted, and the surprise on her face as she laughed at me made my grip on her soften, my thumb unconsciously running over the bone on her wrist.

The action brought both of our eyes to the feeling, and in the next second, we had three feet between us.

“I’m going to go take a shower.” Her rush to get around me in the narrow hall caused her to brush along my arm, and it was like the sparks that ignited when I held her tried to reach out for each other again in the brief contact.

“I’ll be in the kitchen,” I grumbled, walking quickly in the opposite direction.

____________________

Y/N’s POV

The last two weeks have been frustrating, but somehow, Bucky and I have learned we work together surprisingly well. We still had our bickering fights and annoying quarrels, but stick us in a house for a few weeks, and we realized we did well at balancing each other out.

Where I hated doing the dishes, he made sure they were done every night. Where he hated doing laundry, I folded and sorted the linens and clothes. I hated cooking, and he somehow was really good at it. I loved to bake when we had free time, and he loved to taste test. I sucked at most things gardening-wise, and he had shown me how to prune overgrown flowers in our gardening bed. Bucky sucked at interior decorating, so I was in charge of making our fake abode look like a real one.

Overall, we do pretty well, considering we hate each other's guts. Ok, well… I don’t necessarily hate his guts, even if I act it. I just have a very low tolerance for his bullshit and don’t mask my frustrations when they hit their limits. As for being a fake wife to him where he has to treat me well… He’s been a picture-perfect husband from a suburban wife’s perspective.

The only thing we’ve successfully avoided that I was worried about is sharing the same bed.

After confirming with the higher-ups that our house was bug-free, we claimed our own rooms (me in the master, of course) and set up our own space. Keeping the facade of a happy married couple outside of those rooms and the house was easy, but I dreaded the day we would have to show more affection and closeness than what we already had.

So far, a kiss on the cheek, holding hands, a hug from behind, and a normal amount of PDA that showed we were in our honeymoon phase yet did not want to make others fully uncomfortable did the job enough. But after Bethanne commented about when we planned on having kids, I figured we might need to bump up our act since she gave a passive comment about us being ‘rather tamed for a newlywed couple.’

Before I could bring up the comment to Bucky once we got home, he seemed more bothered by the men at the party than anything.

I didn’t expect him to notice such a minute thing, but if there was one thing I had learned about Bucky these last few weeks, it’s that he’s very attentive to details I wouldn’t expect him to be on.

Then, to further my confusion about the situation, something seemed different in our intimate hallway space run-in, and both of us scurried away as if the touch of each other burned.

After my shower, I got dressed in my pajamas and heard the TV still on in the living room, where Bucky tended to station himself for a few hours before bed. Well, his bedtime. Another thing about us was that I wasn’t much of a night owl, but I did appreciate knowing someone was on alert while I slept. And even if he didn’t do it for that reason, I’m sure, I liked hearing the TV still on when I tended to wake up in the middle of the night. I felt safer…

“Hey,” I leaned against the wall coming into the living room and saw that he had Brooklyn Nine-Nine on with a computer sat in his lap.

He looked up and gave me a quick head nod before going back to the screen in front of him. “What’s up?”

“Just needed to fill you in on some of the things I learned at the cookout,” I let out a yawn as the day caught up with me and moved to the single chair across from him on the couch.

“Hit me,” he rolled his shoulders back, never looking away from the blue light.

“Don’t ask for things you don’t really want,” I teased, and he looked above the screen at me with a glance that seemed to be holding back a smile before rolling his eyes.

“What’d you learn?” he followed up with.

I went on to tell him about the neighborhood drama. All things that may or may not have any major plays to our mission, but information nonetheless.

“Did you ask any of them about work?” Bucky asked once I had covered most everything.

Our undercover jobs were simple. I worked from home as a data entry clerk. Something boring that Charolette Hunt has been hoping to get out of and find her passion. All this led to me asking around about job connections and if there was anything I could swap over to for a ‘more exciting work life,’ otherwise known as drug trafficking jobs if they were available.

As for Beau Hunt, Bucky’s cover, he was the owner of a transportation company. Considering how well he was doing, he took the last two weeks off to move into his first home with his new wife before having to get back into the work ethic he had been thriving in the last ten years.

All perfect pieces to get the answers and resources from our sketchy neighbors we came here for.

“I asked Katrina, one of the wives of a guy who works closely alongside Reggie. I figured that was a good seed to plant,” I answered, pulling my legs up to my chest and resting my chin on my knees as I watched Jake Peralta chase a bad guy down the streets of New York. I missed the homeland. “She said she’d ask around, which is what I needed. What about you? Any of the 'dusty-ass husbands' have fun details to share?”

“Nothing more than statistics of sports teams and rookie starters for the state college basketball team,” he sighed, and I turned over to see him staring at me before turning back to his computer quickly. “Reggie was giving me a hard time, though.”

“Oh yeah?” I hummed, angling myself to him. “Bethanne was giving me a hard time, too.”

“Think it’s related to the same thing?” Bucky chuckled, looking back at me, but whatever was in his eyes just seconds ago was gone now.

“Say on the count of three?” I smirked.

“One,” he nodded.

“Two.”

“Three.”

“When we’re going to consider joining parenthood,” Bucky said.

“When we’re having kids,” I said at the same time. “Almost a jinx if you didn’t word it so damn robotically. Did fucking Vision channel into your damn cyborg brain?” I laughed, and I heard a slight scoff from his direction before I rolled my head back and looked up at the ceiling. I stayed quiet until Bucky broke me out of my thoughts twenty seconds later.

“What are you thinking?” I heard the computer shut and then be placed on the cushion next to him. “I can hear the gears working past their limit.” His weak version of a retort.

I lulled my stare at him and deadpanned a bitchface at him. “You talking to yourself again?” He rolled his eyes at my comeback, and I decided to bypass the banter. “I think we need to step our game up. Ms. Bethanne thinks we’re ‘tamed’ for a newlywed couple. In other words, she thinks we’re prudes.”

“We’ve hit the PDA marks we need to,” Bucky stiffened just enough for a trained eye to see, but he tried to brush it off as getting comfortable in his spot.

“Hmm, so maybe one of us is a prude,” I shrugged, moving my legs under me and leaning on one side of the chair.

We hadn't kissed, although I would peck one on his cheek, and he would place one on top of my head. But that's as far as either of us had been willing to go.

I know our job may require us to go beyond that, and I was willing to keep it strictly professional even if necessary, but Bucky seemed to want to avoid it by all means. Message received.

“I’m not a prude. I just don’t understand why people have to be so touchy in public. It makes everyone uncomfortable,” he argued.

“Not everyone finds discomfort in those acts. A lot of people think it’s cute.”

“I’m not one of those fucking people.”

“Well, you better figure out pretty fucking quick how to become one of those people because this operation kinda depends on it.” I sighed, standing up and stretching. “Listen, I know you hate me and all, but if we’re going to get this done and over with, we need to-”

“I’ve never said I hate you,” Bucky interrupted. I looked down and saw him staring at me with stern eyes.

“Actions have convinced me otherwise.”

“The same could be said for you.”

“I don’t hate you,” I clarified after carefully studying him for lies.

It was an intense stare-off, but not one where I felt like I had to win it. One where I felt we were both taking a step into new territory, and neither of us knew what to expect.

Bucky’s burner phone rang right before I could follow up with my peace offering, and we saw it was the fake caller ID Steve was under. He picked it up and put it on speaker.

“What’s up, punk?” he answered, and Steve scoffed on the other end.

“Just your biweekly check-in. Anything interesting enough to make this phone call longer than 5 minutes?” he asked.

“Don’t think so,” Bucky sighed and filled him in on the steps we had taken to further the investigation. Planting our gossip seeds where necessary and waiting for the garden to grow.

The call ended with Steve informing Bucky that he ‘started back at work’ tomorrow and would need to go to a specific meeting spot for updates. A way for us to get news that couldn’t be tracked with phone calls and messages. And after two weeks of gathering information and only four check-ins in that time, things were meant to pick up now.

I had decided to head back to my room when a normal conversation between the two started up and strayed from the mission talk. Then, about 10 minutes later, Bucky was in my doorway as I got ready for bed.

“Sorry, Steve wanted to know if we had torn each other’s heads off yet. Nat and him have a bet going,” he said, leaning on the doorway and crossing his arms over his chest.

I shrugged, pulling the comforter back on the bed. “No need to apologize. And who’s winning?”

“Steve gave it 3 weeks, so he’s still in the running.”

“He’s being generous,” I laughed, fluffing a pillow before sitting on the edge and looking at him.

“I don’t know. I think we’ve managed to stay surprisingly civil given our relationship,” he smiled softly as if the conversation wasn’t dangerous grounds and could easily go one way or the other.

“Helps that we have to act for most of it,” I fiddled with my nails.

“Would you rather we didn’t get along?” he asked, and I could see the start of our normal frustration with each other trickle back into his tone.

I stared at him for a minute. Not sure what my goal was here, but it definitely had flipped from wanting to make every minute with him, his own personal hell.

“Fighting has become tiresome. I’m content tolerating the situation.” A bit of a hypocritical response, sounding robotic, but there was no lie behind it.

He stared at me like I had to him.

“Right. Tolerating,” he nodded with pursed lips, pushing off the door frame and walking down the hall to his room.

Something about his attitude made it hard for me to brush off the change in tension. I stood up and walked down the hall. When he was already in his room, I was taking up as much space as I could in his doorway now.

“What’s with the annoyance?” I asked, looking at him as he arranged some things on his nightstand. He turned around, body lax and almost defeated looking.

“I’m not annoyed. Why would I be annoyed with you ‘tolerating me’?” he said nonchalantly with a shrug of his shoulders.

“I don’t know, but you clearly are,” I gestured to him and crossed my arms. “Would you rather I treat you how I have before this? I mean, we can go back to-”

“Obviously not, Y/N,” he cut me off with a scoff, and I was shocked at the sheer anger that I would suggest such a thing. His use of obviously made my brain scramble as well… The second time, that word had messed with me tonight.

“You’re confusing as hell, Barnes,” I squinted my eyes at him and decided I wasn’t in the mood to handle a bipolar 100-year-old man tonight. Maybe it was best if I just called it a night.

Turning in my spot four steps away, I didn’t expect the hand around my bicep to stop me in the middle of the hall, leading to a pensive look on his face as he stared at me.

“What?” I furrowed my eyes at him and looked at the contact unwavering on my elbow.

“I—” he started and then stopped. An internal war played out with surprising clarity on his face. I raised my eyebrows and waited.

We stared for an hour—okay, nine seconds—but it’s all the same with that level of intensity.

“Never mind.” He dropped my arm and took a step back.

“Seriously?”

“I don’t want to start something.”

“There’s something to start?”

“No, but I’ll wait until you’re in a better mood to,” he debated on his wording. “Discuss it,” he settled on, turning on his heel.

“I’m not in a bad mood,” I huffed, and yeah… That didn’t help proving my point.

“Sure thing,” he shook his head before walking into his room, carrying on as if he hadn’t dropped a strange and confusing bomb on me that I now needed answers to.

“Goodnight to you, too,” I grumbled as I walked to my room and shut the door behind me.

Marvel Tags:

@thejourneyneverendsx @death-unbecomes-you @mythos-writes @srrymydood @xa-dia @redhairedfeistynerd @morganclaire4 @connie326 @captain-asguard @mollygetssherlockcoffee @teenagedreams-bucky @shower-me-with-roses @livstilinski @basicallylool @starryeyeseunbyul

My Lovelies forever:

@natura1phenomenon @lauravicente @kakakatey @traceyaudette @notyourtypicalrose @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @sandlee44 @thorne93 @thefaithfulwriter1 @essie1876 @greyeyedsmile14 @capsiclehan @xostephanie @averyrogers83 @awesomenursingstudent @gh0stgurl @cs-please @jjlevin @rainbowkisses31 @deannotmoose @their-bibliophile @kitkatd7 @willowbleedsonpaper @mariaenchanted @snffbeebee @couldabeenamermaid @rebekahdawkins @alyispunk @billyseye @hallecarey1

Bucky Barnes Tags:

@chloe-skywalker @charmedbysarge @jbarness @bellamy-barnes @katiaw2 @aikeia @stopjustlovethemcu @enchantedbarnes

Mr. & Mrs. Hunt Series:

@jackiehollanderr @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 @theroyalmanatee @wintrsoldrluvr @alexakeyloveloki

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #justkending #marvel series #marvel #bucky barnes series #reader insert #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader insert #bucky barnes x avenger reader #bucky barnes mini series

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dogboysora · 26 days

Text

My ineloquent two cents re: that one Ryoko Kui interview a couple weeks ago

I honestly don't have a hard time believing that the autism coding in Dungeon Meshi is unintentional. Cuz in my humble opinion, when people try to write autism or any other flavor of neurodivergence on purpose, it usually sucks shit. And the neurodiversity (should you choose to look at it through that lens) in DM is not forced in any way. It's very natural. The characters have their eccentricities and those traits shine through authentically; Kui is not trying to force her characters to map onto specific diagnoses. Just because it's easy to read Laios, Falin, and Toshiro as autistic doesn't mean they have to be. I read them as autistic. They are relatable to many autistic fans. It's an interpretation that makes a lot of sense and has plenty of textual basis, but it also happens to be unsupported by "word of god" and autism is not really a concept within the setting. And in all honesty, I have for a while been tired of people just screaming "Autism! Neurodivergence! DM is about being autistic/ND!" because, while I do find it fun and fulfilling to interpret DM through the lens of neurodivergence, I don't find it the most useful way to articulate its themes. DM is a story about a lot of things. It's about being Other. It's about the nature of Desire. It's about accepting Change or Loss. Just to name a few major themes. These are obviously very relevant themes to neurodivergence, just as much as they are to queerness, or a number of other things. But I do think we lose a LOT when we try and act like it's a Story About Autism, just as a lot is lost when saying it's a Story About Food.

#kinda scared to actually put this in the tag lmao but whateverrr #dungeon meshi #dunmeshi #delicious in dungeon

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ejlovesvi · 10 months

Note

Can you do a fluff version of the Johanna mason x reader

note: yes i can indeed! enjoy!

JOHANNA MASON FLUFF ALPHABET

pairing: johanna mason x fem!reader

warnings: tooth rotting fluff, johanna being in loveee

masterlist

A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

she adores your authenticity. she loves how you never let your personality change even through tough times or with other people. she needs something secure and familiar. you’re what she needs; a person to love who won’t change or go away.

B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

your thighs (mentioned in nsfw alphabet), and or your eyes. she loves when they crinkle at the edge when you smile. but she also loves how they glare at her when she’s done something wrong. she lovesss your eyes.

C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

i think she’s a bit hesitant when it comes to cuddling because she worries she’ll hurt you or cross a boundary she doesn’t know about. but once you assure her you just want her to cuddle you she does just that. she likes to spoon. it’s always alternating between you two of who’s little spoon. each day it switches.

D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)

i feel like she’d just wanna do something chill. like eat dinner, drink a bit, watch a movie, and then fall asleep cuddling. that’s her ideal date.

E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)

she’s not best with her emotions, as we all know. most times she snaps at you from her overfill of emotions. she immediately feels guilty but instead of apologizing she leaves the house or locks herself in the bedroom. after about two hours she’s calmed down and she’ll apologize and hug you, begging you not to leave her. you always reassure her that everyone handles emotions differently and you won’t leave her just because she’s having an overload.

F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

she doesn’t want a family. she just wants you and her. i think she’d be too scared to raise a child, afraid she’d either hurt it and or it would be killed off early in life due to the horrible conditions of the world.

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

doesn’t get you gifts much, it’s not her love language. however if she’s feeling generous she’ll pick a flower from the ground and tuck it behind your ear. she thinks she shows you her love enough in different ways, and you’re fine with that.

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

she’d hold your hand whenever. it’s just muscle memory at this point. walking down the street, cuddling, reading books together, while making love. all of it.

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

she’d go fucking feral. like hijacked peeta feral. from having to experience the hunger games TWICE she gets ptsd and immediately jumps to the worst conclusion. she’s hyperventilating and panicking until you reassure her your fine. it could be something as small as a cut from chopping vegetables to scraping up your knee.

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

she’ll joke around by slapping your butt at the most random times. placing cookies in the oven? slap. cleaning the windows? slap.

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

she likes to start soft and slow then increase into a makeout sesh. afterwards she’ll get all flustered as if she didn’t initiate it.

L = Love (how do they show you they love you?)

acts of service and quality time. she’ll help you with simple tasks like folding laundry, washing your hair in the shower, finding lost items. you could literally just be in the same room as her and she’ll be content and comfortable.

M = Memory (favorite memory together?)

getting to sleep together after the quarter quell and rebellion. after months of worry, chaos, and death you both laid in bed together for days, not leaving each others presence.

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

losing you and being tortured by snow. there’s many nights she’ll wake up thrashing and screaming. when you wake up and comfort her she shakily tells you about how you either died, snow held you hostage, or snow held her hostage again.

O = Oddity (what is one quirk they have?)

most stubborn person ever. she’ll refuse to admit she’s wrong at any point. even if she knows your right and she’s wrong.

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

babe, your name, hot stuff, baby.

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

she literally could just sit across the couch from you and be content. just you being around her is enough.

R = Rhythm (what song reminds you of them?)

every breath you take by the police. i’d like to think you’d have a record player from the market and had gotten a vinyl of the police. the song is lowkey creepy but she relates to it because she loves watching you.

S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)

it’d be hard for her to tell secrets at first cause she’d question the repercussions but when she knows she can trust you she’ll answer any questions you have about secrets.

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

i think you two had known of each other’s existence before her first games because you two went to school together but you didn’t talk to her until after she came back from her games. you guys became friends not too long after and she immediately fell in love with you because you never gave up on her. you two danced around a confession for at least a year or two until one of you spit it out.

U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

she’s a little stunned and taken aback, feels sad but stays quiet. she tries her best to calm you down but if it becomes too much she’ll either storm out because she thinks she can’t help you or she’ll simply cry and hold you.

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

she definitely likes to show off her axe skills. even though a part of it reminds her of the games she’s always down to show off how precise she can throw an axe.

W = Warrior (how do they feel about you fighting? Would they fight for you, beside you, etc?)

she would not want you to fight a day in your life, unless of course you had to do it to survive. she’d rather do the fighting for you because she doesn’t want to risk you getting hurt, even if it puts her in an unsafe position.

X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)

i think when it comes to you and the people she’s close with she can easily read emotions. the only problem is her not being able to handle them as well as she’d like to.

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

nothing too crazy because that just isn’t her jam. i think you two would be doing a loving domestic task together like washing dishes and she’d just turn to you and ask to marry you. you’d be a bit shocked but stutter out a “yes” anyway. she’d nod and remind herself to buy you a ring later.

Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)

when you scratch her back lightly. she loves the feeling of your nails trailing up and down her back in a loving manner. it calms her down right away.

#johanna mason wlw #johanna mason x reader #johanna mason #johanna hunger games #johanna mason fluff #hunger games catching fire #wlw fanfic #wlw

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archduchessgortash · 4 months

Text

Unpopular opinion...

These two were NOT manipulating each other.

They tried, at first... but it didn't work. They were too evenly matched in terms of charisma.

Default Durge is a sorcerer with charisma for their casting stat and proficiency in intimidation (from their background) and persuasion (from their class).

Pre-tadpole Durge, much like Gale, Wyll, and probably Shadowheart, was unlikely to have been level 1. It is most likely that pre-tadpole Durge was between level 9 (same as in-game Gortash) and 12 (same as in-game Orin). It is also possible that, as a Chosen, they may have had their stats similarly boosted, akin to those of the Chosen we fight in-game.

If we assume Durge was level 9, without any special boosts for being the Chosen of Bhaal, they had 2 feats under their belt, which would most likely have been invested in bumping charisma up to 20, placing them 2 points above Gortash, who has 18 charisma. This means they would potentially have had an easier time convincing Gortash to do what they wanted than many players probably suspect.

I find it more plausible that they respected and admired one another.

When Gortash greets any other origin than Durge, he is in full-on charming yet pushy, cleverly manipulative tyrant mode. He needs the help of these prism-bearers to fix the mess that he surely believes that they, alongside the Emperor, caused by killing Ketheric, given Gortash is unaware of the Absolute's manipulation at the time.

Gortash is more friendly with Karlach, but in a more patronizing, saccharin sort of way, that sours very easily if she behaves as though she is even slightly troubled by how his actions have harmed her. He clearly and sadly does not respect her, in spite of how deeply she had previously trusted him.

He is also in his sassy manipulator mode when speaking to Orin and Ketheric in Moonrise Towers, in spite of the fact that they are allies.

With Durge, however, he appears not unlike a man whose mask has been torn away to reveal his true self. He is happy to see Durge in a much softer, more genuine manner than we've seen from him with anyone else. He feels like a different person with Durge, especially if met alone. Is this not how we, as real-life people, react to our safe people, the ones we trust, with whom we can be our authentic selves?

Let's discuss 'not looking for Durge' which many cite as proof that Gortash saw Durge as nothing more than a useful ally...

We, as players, have no reason to believe that Gortash had any idea that Durge was even alive until the scene at the start of Act 3, in which Orin confirms their survival and that she caused their brain damage and subsequent memory loss. I've found no evidence that Gortash knew Durge was alive before this scene. Why would Gortash look for them if they were dead? If they were slain in a Bhaalist duel in the Temple of Bhaal, what reason would he have to believe he would be allowed to see the body? If they were slain in Moonrise Towers, they were most likely consumed by the Absolute. It's logical and reasonable that he wouldn't look.

If he knew before the scene with Orin, why did he sound surprised, pleased even?

Playing devil's advocate, let's say he did know... we'll say Orin told him what Gortash tells Durge, that she humiliated them sometime prior to the start of the game. If Durge truly valued Gortash, wouldn't they have come to him, even humiliated?

Isn't it reasonable to think that, if alive, having not come to Gortash after their betrayal, out of shame or a belief that he wouldn't help, Gortash might believe that Durge simply did not have the same high opinion of him as he did of them?

We can take it a step further and consider whether Gortash knew everything--that Durge wasn't dead, that they were tadpoled, about Kressa's experiments, and how they became the first True Soul.

If he knew all this, he is definitely a consummate manipulator, even better at it than a vampire with over 200 years of experience manipulating people. That Astarion is using the main character is intended to come as a surprise to the player as a layer to his narrative, but I, as the player in my own playthrough, saw through him immediately. I know some people didn't. I don't know how they didn’t. He was obvious to me. Why, then, does Gortash feel authentic? It's certainly not a question of attractiveness. To me, they are both attractive.

Perhaps it is my logical brain recognizing the fact that there is no evidence in the game that Gortash was aware of Durge's survival until Orin told him in the scene at the start of Act 3.

Now, let's talk betrayal...

Durge's Prayer for Forgiveness is most likely pre-tadpole. More on that later.

Ketheric's intention to betray is noted in the document Elder Brain Domination, its context indicating it was written post-Durge's impromptu lobotomy, and most likely quite some time prior to the document we find in Act 3 confirming Gortash's intention to betray the others as well.

The entry we read in the Journal of Enver Gortash is quite clearly written after Ketheric's defeat at the hands of the 'vagabonds' as he refers to them. This could mean that Gortash never intended to betray anyone, not until Ketheric failed to recover the Astral Prism.

About the Prayer for Forgiveness...

We find it in the mind flayer colony. The likelihood that Durge would ever have written down their intention to betray the others pre-tadpole is a bit suspect, made even more so by Balthazar's post-note about Orin. I know we need the note for lore, but that could easily have been accomplished by making it a memory that returned via the narrator, as many other Durge-specific pieces of lore are provided to the player. The fact that this one is only in the form of a note has always made me wonder if Durge was forced to write it after the tadpole was inserted, most likely by Balthazar before sending them off on the Nautiloid.

If anyone has other evidence, especially the contradictory kind, please comment. I'd love to look at this further.

#baldurs gate gortash #bg3 durge #durgetash #baldur's gate 3

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edenesth · 1 year

Text

The Heart Wants What It Wants

Pairing: mafia!Mingi x fem!reader

AU: mafia au

Word Count: 1.4k

Summary: Mingi lies to his fiancée and keeps the truth about his identity as a mafia boss from her until she agrees to marry him. What happens when she finds out?

A/N: Just a random drabble/oneshot of Mingi as a mafia boss, this is based on a dream that I had of him and it felt too good to not write about.

ATEEZ Masterlist

Seeing as Mingi was momentarily distracted by all the people around him; presumably his business partners, clients or whatever illegal shit it was that he did with them, she didn't care to know and wanted no part in, she quickly took the chance to make her escape.

In order to ease her movements, her hands immediately flew down to grasp the expensive floor-length velvet dress that he personally hand-picked for her to wear this particular evening.

Her eyes darted around anxiously as she prayed to all the gods she didn't believe in that no one noticed her, she took deep breaths to calm the nerves within. All the while, not forgetting to plaster on a big and fake smile so as to not alert the waiters and bodyguards scattered around the grand hall where her engagement party was currently taking place.

For the longest time, she assumed that her fiancé was nothing more than a successful businessman.

At least, that was what Mingi had wanted her to believe then.

He was only going to keep that façade up until the moment he had her fully wrapped around his fingers, only then would she learn the truth about who he really was. And by then, she would already be too in love with him to even dare think of walking away from him.

Or so he thought.

She knew the truth about his identity now and contrary to his belief, she was going to leave him.

Did she love him still?

Yes, but there was only so much that love can do when you throw a whole lot of gaslighting and deception into the mix.

In the modern dating world, they would have described him as a walking red flag.

The truth is that he was anything but a mere businessman, Mingi was a mafia boss. And not just any mafia boss, he was the biggest and most fearful one in their part of the city.

She had fallen for him, all while thinking he was just a regular businessman working hard to make his name known in the industry.

For the entirety of their relationship, he had presented himself as a successful and upstanding businessman, creating an image of stability and trustworthiness.

She will never forget the sense of betrayal she felt, as the man she thought she knew intimately has been leading a double life.

It made her question everything she believed about their relationship, forcing her to reevaluate their shared past and the authenticity of their connection.

Yes, she loved him but did he truly love her back or was that all just a lie too?

Mixed with the betrayal is a newfound fear for her safety. The realisation that she is entangled with a dangerous criminal adds an element of urgency to her emotional turmoil. She must now navigate the complexities of her emotions while also considering her own well-being and the potential consequences of her association with Mingi.

Too afraid of what he'd do if he found out about her plans to leave him, she did her absolute best to keep up her act and play along as though she was still going to go through with the wedding.

It wasn't hard to pretend like she still loved him because she genuinely did, but what made it difficult was having to act like this new part of him was not at all intimidating to her.

Had she known what this man really did for a living sooner, she never would have said yes to his proposal. She probably never would have allowed herself to grow to love him either.

She lets out a huge sigh of relief once she steps foot out of the luxurious hotel.

Eyes trained on the nearest cab approaching her way, she took a step forward and lifted a hand to call for it, only to feel her heart stop when a familiarly large hand enclosed around hers from behind.

His free hand snaked across her waist to hold onto her body and pull her against him, her frame now completely engulfed in his much bigger one.

She didn't know it would be possible for her heart to flutter and yet, tremble with immense terror at the same time.

"Where do you think you're going, baby? The party's only just beginning, the crowd is missing you. I'm missing you." Mingi whispers sensually, his breath hitting against the skin of her neck as he presses his lips firmly against her jaw.

She exhaled shakily, tears welling up in her eyes and her heart pounding, "Let me go, Mingi. You lied to me, you lied about everything! You're mistaken if you think I'd still stay with you after all of that."

He sighs, hands gripping her shoulders to turn her around to make her face him, "That's not true, I didn't lie about everything. My feelings for you remain true, I do love you and I've never once lied about that."

She lets out a loud scoff in disbelief, "Really? Because last I checked, that's not how you treat someone you love. You don't deceive them and expect them to be okay with it," A tear rolls down her cheek and he immediately catches it with his thumb, wiping it softly, "God, Mingi, I feel like I don't even know you anymore."

He smirks lightly, sliding his hands down to grip her waist instead, "Then stay, baby. Stay and you'll have plenty of time to learn everything about me," One hand cupping her jaw, he gazed deeply into her wet orbs, "You love me, don't you?"

With a defeated huff, she nods her head once and he grins widely at that, "That's all that matters, don't overthink it. You love me and I love you, nothing else matters, remember that."

Mingi closes the distance between them and his fingertips graze the side of her face. His touch is featherlight, a prelude to the intensity that is to come. Her breath hitches as his thumb brushes against her lower lip, a subtle invitation that sends a shiver down her spine.

She hated it, hated the effect that he had on her with a passion.

Time seems to slow as he leans in, their faces drawing near, their eyes fluttering shut in unison. Their lips meet with the softest of brushes, a tantalising tease that leaves them both yearning for more. His lips are warm and velvety against hers and the sensation ignites a fire deep within her.

She decides then that she couldn't bother denying the urge within her, the yearning to have him close despite her righteous beliefs.

His lips mold to hers as if they were always meant to fit together and her own respond with a fervent urgency. The gentle pressure gradually builds, a symphony of sensations that range from tender to urgent, from soft exploration to an overwhelming hunger.

Perhaps she will leave all thoughts of leaving him to a later time.

His hand finds the small of her back, pulling her closer until there's almost no space left between them. The heat of his body seeps through the fabric of their clothes, intensifying the connection between them. No longer able to resist, her arms wrapped around his neck, her fingers threading into his hair, pulling him impossibly closer.

Her actions caused Mingi to smirk against her lips, he knew he had her in the palm of his hand once again.

Their breaths mingle in the small gap between their mouths, the rhythm of their heartbeats syncing as if they were in perfect harmony.

For now, just for now, she'll allow herself to indulge in this pleasure.

As the kiss continues, time loses all meaning. It's as if they exist in their own world, a bubble of intense intimacy where nothing else matters. Not even the people passing by giving them weird looks or the hotel staff standing nearby in hopes of letting them know that the event required their immediate presence.

And then, with a final, lingering press of their mouths, they reluctantly pull away, their lips parting but their foreheads resting together. Their eyes flutter open, and in that shared gaze, they find a reflection of the depth of their emotions.

"I know you're scared and confused now but someday, you'll understand me for all the things that I do." Mingi tells her in his deep voice that she has grown to love so dearly.

Utterly defeated, she relents and nods.

Perhaps her love for Mingi was enough to outweigh her moral compass. She knows it was wrong to be with him but...

The heart wants what it wants.

Hope y'all enjoyed it, thanks for reading!

I love reading your thoughts, reviews and feedback, so feel free to leave a reply, an ask or even a message if you want! <3

#edenesth #ateez #ateez fanfiction #ateez fanfic #song mingi #ateez mingi #mafia au #mingi x you #mingi x reader #ateez fic #mingi drabble #mingi oneshot #ateez drabbles #ateez oneshot

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vivmaek · 11 months

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Do you think beauty indictors in astrology are reliable? Like does every person with Lilith in the 1st house, for example, have an intimidating attractiveness about them? Or Venus in 8th house… do all of them have strong sex appeal?

BEAUTY INDICATORS WITHIN ASTROLOGY

The answer to this question is complicated.

Celebrities are often referred to within astrology because their lives are put on public display, making them easy targets for interpretation. This is especially true when it comes to their appearance. However, I don't think celebrities should be referred to for accurate interpretations on appearance. Celebrities are more attractive in comparison to the general population, that's why they're famous. Plus, money and access to resources such as plastic surgery and specialized spa treatments are going to have a greater affect upon a persons appearance than astrology ever will. This doesn't mean that I think the images of celebrities shouldn't be used for visual examples, just that they should be taken with a grain of salt.

With that being said, I don't think beauty indicators are 100% reliable. Beauty is incredibly subjective. Some might find a Lilith first houser to have an intimidating beauty, but other people might consider their appearance to be strange and off-putting. Of course, the aspects Lilith is making within your chart are going to generate an effect as well.

Also, your appearance is going to change significantly throughout the course of your life. There are going to be years in which you face struggle and hardship, you might become injured or face severe illness for a prolonged period. Are you going to be your most beautiful, sexy self through these points in time? Fuck no, and you shouldn't expect yourself to be. Sometimes staying true to your authentic self despite its ugliness is more powerful than being beautiful.

Kim Kardashian is commonly referred to when speaking on beauty indicators within astrology, and look at how much her appearance has changed throughout the course of her life. Towards the late 2010s, she was publicly criticized for having a "diaper butt," and people thought that she destroyed her face with filler and a bad nose job. However, within the past few years, she's made significant modifications and is yet again being publicly praised for her beauty.

I have seen beauty indicators within birth charts of people who I don't think are very attractive. But who knows? Maybe they weren't living up to the full potential of their beauty during that time. I know that there are periods in my life in which this was very much the case, that doesn't mean I lost any value as a person though.

I think people really start to exhibit these beauty indicators when they're living up to the potential showcased within their natal chart. If you have a strong beauty indicator placed within the 10th house, you're going to have to work hard and focus on your career for this to be strongly showcased. A Leo rising with strong beauty indicators placed within their chart isn't going to be perceived as attractive if they act egotistical and arrogant. For example, Vladimir Putin has Venus placed within the 1st house, I wouldn't call him a harmonious person.

Ultimately, if you're looking to astrology to figure out if you're beautiful, or relying upon astrology for confidence, it's a stupid idea. You're time would be better spent working on self-esteem issues. I say this generally, it's not directed at anyone specific. That being said, studying beauty indicators within astrology can be really fun and I consider it to be informative. In my opinion, it works best in connection to predictive astrology, because like I said, physical appearance changes drastically throughout the course of a persons life.

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heliza24 · 5 months

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Let’s talk about parallels between Wilhelm and Sara in Season 3 of Young Royals

Because there are so many! This is a continuation of sorts of this meta that I wrote about them being A and B plot protagonists in season 1 and 2. I don’t know that I would describe them exactly that way in season 3, but I do think their plots, character arcs, and themes are meant to mirror each other very closely this season.

One of my favorite things about the parallels between Wilhelm and Sara this season is that comparing them really makes you hold Sara’s friendship with Felice on the same level as Wilhelm’s romantic relationship with Simon (and Sara’s with August) which I think is so important. Both Wilhelm and Sara go through breakups over the course of the season (I think Felice’s reaction especially frames her friendship breakup with Sara similarly to a romantic breakup, which I love). And both of their arcs are about mending those relationships.

Sara and Wilhelm both need to experience the world outside of Hillerska before they can mend those relationships. Sara is able to glimpse some independence, even just through getting her license. The whole world is open to her now, as Felice says in ep 6. I don’t know that she would have been able to make her decision not to go back to August without experiencing that freedom. And Wilhelm also needs to experience the full force of what life in the monarchy would be like before he is able to decide to leave it. Because of this they also act as our window into the two different worlds outside of Hillerska, the palace and Bjarstad. They create the larger context in which we understand Hillerska this season.

I love that both of their journeys of personal growth are symbolized through cars. Wilhelm is always getting trapped with his mom or a member of the court in a fancy car; it’s where almost all of the monarchy’s most onerous instructions on how to live are delivered to him. So it’s huge when he leaves his parents in the chauffeured car at the end of episode 6 and goes to find Simon, Felice and Sara in Sara’s beat up used car. Meanwhile, Sara has traded in horses for the car. This is stated pretty explicitly when her dad asks her if she would like to work with horses and she declines, saying that she has come to realize that horses are simply traded by rich people as status symbols, and her dad suggests she get her drivers license since it will help with any job she wants. In seasons 1 and 2 Rousseau is pretty heavily associated with August, along with the pressures put on August and the other elite kids at Hillerska to conform to expectations (@bluedalahorse has written the Bible on that here), so the fact that Sara swaps out the horse for a car that can take her anywhere feels like a step away from both August and the prescriptive norms of Hillerska.

Sara and Wilhelm both reject what they saw as their destined future. This is obviously really clear for Wilhelm; he assumed he would be prince and then king after Erik died, and his greatest moment of character growth is when he decides he doesn’t have to fulfill that assigned role if it will keep him from being happy and living authentically. I love the scene where Sara talks with her dad about her fears that she will fail in the same ways that he did because she also has autism and adhd. This is a less clear-cut assigned destiny, but that fear of becoming a self fulfilling prophecy is equally overwhelming, especially because Sara has already let down someone she cares about in a way that’s not dissimilar to how her father breaks promises. The fact that she’s able to come to terms with her dad’s influence in her life, but realize she really is in charge of her own future, is really powerful. (I also think it’s such smart writing about the way disability and internalized ableism can really affect your self image).

In order to break free of those predetermined destinies, both Sara and Wilhelm need to see a father/mentor figure as more than black and white. Wilhelm needs to acknowledge that Erik wasn’t perfect, and did help contribute to some of the abusive traditions of Hillerska. Sara needs to recognize that even though her dad isn’t a perfect parent, she still loves him for the care he is able to show to her and wants to have him in her life. I love that both Wilhelm and Sara learn to hold multiple conflicting emotions about their loved ones. They can be disappointed by some of Micke and Erik’s actions, but they can still value their relationships with those family members and recognize them as complex, complete people.

They also both go on a similar journey with how they see August. Wilhelm comes to recognize that August is both a perpetrator and victim of the class system and Hillerska’s systemized abuse. Sara similarly realizes that August is an adult who needs to be responsible for his own emotions. She’s no longer interested in saving him from his complex feelings of guilt, and recognizes his potential to find self healing. Both of those new assessments of August grant him more maturity and complexity than earlier in the show. (They also reflect the way that August grows, in fits and starts, over the course of season 3. If there was a season 4 of the show, I think we would really see August respond to Sara and Wilhelm’s new attitudes towards him in a way that would fuel future character growth).

Viewing Erik, Micke, and August more complexly also allows Sara and Wilhelm to forgive themselves for the ways they are similar to those people. They are able to acknowledge the shame they feel around their actions, but also forgive themselves in the same way that they forgive others.

Both Sara and Wilhelm have specifically let down Simon in pretty big ways (Sara by secretly dating August, Wilhelm by perpetuating the royal family restrictions onto Simon). But they are able to recognize those mistakes and reconcile with Simon.

Wilhelm and Sara both leave the monarchy (Wilhelm literally, Sara by refusing a relationship with August), but they also leave a kind of prescriptive romance behind. Wilhelm says no to having to monitor Simon, to having to roll out his relationship in a certain way to please the court, and to having their future together mapped out and their decision around children made for them. Sara says no to a smaller set of requirements, but the traditional ways that August sees romance are so influenced by the monarchy (which is in turn so influenced patriarchy) that they are similar in some ways. Sara says no to having to do August’s emotional labor, to managing him so that he will fit the image of a good heir. She says no to waiting for him to visit on weekends while he does military service. She says no to this grand plan that he has. (This was @bluedalahorse’s point originally that she shared with me, and honestly I think it's so smart). Wilhelm chooses a romantic relationship that he and Simon are free to create together without rules; Sara chooses a friendship based on honesty and support. Both are valid options that give the characters a sense of peace and freedom. And they would not have been able to make those choices without all of the growth they went through over the course of the season.

I think Sara and Wilhelm's arcs compliment each other so well, and it was one of my favorite things about season 3. I loved watching both of them get to grow so much and end up in such a happy place.

#young royals #my meta #wilhelm young royals #sara eriksson

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aihoshiino · 9 months

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An Interview with Ai: Da Vinci Magazine Jan. 2024 (4chan Anon TL)

In the issue of Da Vinci Magazine dated for Jan 2024, there was an exciting surprise - four whole pages of an in-character interview with Ai of B-Komachi! Taking place shortly before her 20th birthday, Ai discusses various things with the interviewer, resulting in some surprising new information about her relationships with certain characters and her own home life...

To be clear up front: This is not my translation! I'm archiving and mirroring it from 4chan where it was originally posted by an anon. I've made no changes to the text save cleaning up some grammar errors and typos and formatting it for tumblr. I plan on doing my own translation of the interview, either via scans or buying the magazine myself when I have the money, but for now, I hope this will do!

Q: It seems to have been a turbulent year for B-Komachi and Ai as well. Looking back, what was your impression?

Ai: That's true. It really went by in the blink of an eye. Everyone was so busy, myself included. It was so strange. Before I knew it, we were already scheduled to perform in the Tokyo Dome (laughs). I thought to myself, "I see... so we did come this far."

Q: You have taken on many challenges so far. What is your most memorable job?

Ai: I had a great time in all of them. There were also many occasions when I thought, "Are they asking me to do this too!?". But if I had to pick something other than my idol activities, then my most memorable job would be all the times I had to work in movies. I met so many people that, at the end, it felt like hanging out with friends. And then, in the blink of an eye, the job would be over (laughs).

Q: You were really getting into it (laughs). But acting is completely different than being an idol. Did you find it difficult?

Ai: For me, it is normal to be photographed as well as being filmed while singing, on a music video, or during variety shows. I wonder if I was able to put that experience to good use, but then I think about it, and I believe I did it perfectly!!

Q: ...so was it difficult?

Ai: Having to deal with the waiting time was more difficult at first. I know I shouldn't say this, but sometimes I was sooo bored (laughs). But finding new ways to kill time was fun.

Q: It's like the saying goes, "Waiting is part of an actor's job."

Ai: Oooh, I had no idea there was a saying like that! How interesting!!

Q: Looking back, Ai's first drama was directed by Taishi Gotanda, and then you worked with him in subsequent films too. What impression do you have of him?

Ai: He has a scary face. But when I talk to him, there are many times when it feels like he's just a useless adult. In that aspect, I can sympathize with him. There were times I was eating my lunch, and whenever rice fell while eating, he would just jump and say, "WATCH OUT!" like a mom (laughs). But well, I love his works. Whenever I watched them, it felt like, "Ah, his passion for authenticity is genuine." As a creator myself, I knew I could trust in him.

Q: It certainly feels like he's good at depicting the inner lives of characters.

Ai: That's right, it always feels like instead of characters, his works show real people. And I love that. I'm not a big fan of movies; at most, I watch some dramas recommended to me, and they are usually really entertaining! I think I'm not good for the roles of such characters, and I thank that director Gotanda's works aren't of that type.

Q: Your acting feels quite natural. What kind of acting guidance did the director give to you?

Ai: None, really. He just said, "Do as you please," and I just went with it. However, I don't think everyone was on the same page. In one of the sets, there was a child actress called Kana Arima-chan. She is suuuuuper cute, and whenever she was acting, I was thinking, "Wow, she's just like the character," and that's when it sunk to me that actors are capable of anything.

Q: Maybe it was possible that you, without realizing it, were asking Arima-san to lead the scenes?

Ai: Pretty much. In fact, she even scolded me (laughs). "Can you take this a bit more seriously?" she told me. I was doing my best, though! (laughs). But seeing Kana-chan so serious about doing a good job made me want to put even more effort into my role.

Q: That reminds me, there's a child actor from Ichigo Pro called Aqua-kun working on it too.

Ai: Ahaha, Aqua-kun was so cute too! He has such a mysterious charm, it made me wonder "maybe he's a genius too?" Don't forget to watch his future projects, alright?

Q: I won't. Returning to the topic of your activities as an actress, what part of it was the most interesting for you?

Ai: I still have problems understanding what "acting" means. Sometimes it felt that, well… rather than trying to find a character in myself, the character itself was taking over my own actions. Even thought I was acting, I didn't feel like myself, as if every action was being performed automatically. But rather than make me wonder about my talent or lack of, I guess it was all thanks to the wonderful script.

Q: I see. So in a way it's similar to separating Ai as a person and Ai as an idol?

Ai: There are parts of myself that I still don't understand, but I believe it's the same for everyone. Everyone acts with an idea of what they "want to become". Until now and from now on, I will continue working hard just so I can become the person that everyone wants me to be. In that sense I could say that I'm acting, playing the role of Ai. Of course it doesn't mean that I'm forcing myself to, it just happens unconsciously, naturally. I also have to face everyone in B-Komachi, how cute they are as well as their honesty. They show that cuteness to the fans, and for me, that's not an act.

Q: And said B-Komachi is now going to perform at the Dome. Why do you think the group is so beloved by fans?

Ai: It's because we worked together, because I knew that by working seriously we could go this far. Also I don't believe the Dome is our ultimate goal, or better said, I can't quite grasp how amazing is for us to perform there. Our boss said that he always wanted to see us perform there so I decided to do my best in order to make that dream come true. That's why, till now and from now on, I will continue working hard to fulfill everyone's dreams.

Q: So Ai's forte is to want everyone around her to be happy.

Ai: Yes. But I wonder if the rest thinks the same.

Q: Don't you have any personal ambitions?

Ai: Ah, now that you ask, I have a bit of a naughty opinion and is that I'm happy that we are selling a lot and getting a good amount of money (laughs). Being able to buy a really expensive ice cream is pure bliss. As for the rest, just seeing my fans happy is enough to make me happy too. But rather than happy, I guess it makes me feel at ease.

Q: When you say you feel at ease, is that similar to saying that you found a place where you belong?

Ai: A place where I belong… I'm sure everyone search such thing, I think it's the same for some members of B-komachi.

Q: …is it different for you?

Ai: I can't quite tell, it's something I'm having problems figuring that out. Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in place, but then I feel like the energy I receive from everyone allows me to do my best as an idol as well as my other jobs, and in exchange, I'm able to bring smiles to them.

Q: I see. It's true that many types of fans have enjoyed your live performances in the past. Which reminds me, there was also this one video of baby twins cheering for you that went viral.

Ai: Oh yeah that one!! I can't believe how those babies could swing those glowsticks like that. It was so cute~. I feel so much bliss every time I watch it.

Q: During a TV show when they showed that video to you, many people in social media pointed out your smile while watching it

Ai: Oh right! I thought it was the same smile I always had. When I read those comments I couldn't help but ask to myself "Eh? What is so different?"

Q: From now I'll be making questions a bit more private. Could you tell us about how were you during your childhood?

Ai: I don't think I was a good child. If anything, I was a really nasty brat (laughs). Because our house was close to the railroad, during midnight I would often walk near the tracks wondering if the train is coming close. Once I hear it, I would run away. If I tried that today, I'm sure it would be a problem (laughs)

Q: Did you wonder where did you want to go back then?

Ai: I wonder. I didn't had an specific place in mind. I lived with my mother, but she had a boyfriend back then, always living in their own little bubble being loveydovey and it was rough for me. I just said "Ah, this is not my place" and ran away, I could think about the rest later.

Q: Maybe going to a friend's house was a better option.

Ai: I've always been a loner, since I was a kid. There were many times when people would get irritating and I would just prefer to be alone playing Tetris. Of course, that doesn't mean that I would take loneliness over company, but at times I could tell that, whenever someone was around, the mood between people would go sour and I then stayed away from them.

Q: But then, are there any fond memories you have from your childhood?

Ai: Let's see… I do remember my dad. It wasn't something that happened often, but this one time, we went to the grocery store and bought some natto. Then, when I took the plastic from it and wrapped it in seaweed, he said, "Oh, you did it well," and that made me happy. That's why, even to this day, I'm quite skilled at wrapping food in seaweed.

Q: Being praised by your parents is usually trivial, but for some, it's something fondly remembered when it happens. From your perspective, what were your parents like?

Ai: Maybe they were like me, seeing things from the same perspective. Rather than seeing each other like family, it felt more like partners in a way. But I can't hate them for that, no human is perfect and no one is actively seeking a parental role.

Q: That's quite a mature way of seeing things.

Ai: I wonder. I'm in a parental role too… ooooor so I think that's what I feel whenever I see a child with their parents in the audience. It's because of my experience in my childhood that I can't comment on other parents whenever their children do something bad. Parenting is difficult, I'm sure.

Q: In that case, if Ai ever had a family, would you also treat your children as friends or partners instead of keeping a parent-child relationship?

Ai: It doesn't matter. As long as everyone is happy and smiling, then it's fine with me. If you asked me what a perfect family is, I just wouldn't know how to answer that. But it would be one as long as the children are happy. If I had a family, I would do whatever it takes to achieve that.

Q: I know I shouldn't ask this of an idol, but do you have someone you want to marry?

Ai: ...That's a secret (laughs)

Q: You were scouted in order to be an idol. What were your impressions about idols back then?

Ai: For me, they were so pure, always shining, and doing their best to support and care about their fans. That's how I saw idols. If the job of an idol is to make people happy, then I wanted to be like that too, well I'm still working on it.

Q: And now that you are one, has that image changed?

Ai: They are hard workers, just as I imagined. There are times when things get rough, but then I push myself like, "Let's just do it" and continue with pure momentum (laughs)

Q: It would be weird to not get used to the routine.

Ai: But I love it, with its ups and downs. There's been times I felt like I was doing something wrong, that maybe I didn't belong here, but then I remember that being able to be an idol is wonderful.

Q: For Ai, is this your dream job?

Ai: Hmmm, I wonder. I wouldn't go that far. A real idol truly loves their fans, is always kind, and would never lie. I'm still trying hard, doing my best, wondering if one day someone will look at me and say, "She is the real deal.".

Q: But there are many who describe Ai as an "unmatched genius idol."

Ai: Why do they even call me something like that? I'm just there in the group, being myself; I don't know which one of my actions qualifies me to be called that.

Q: In that case, for Ai, what does it mean to be an idol?

Ai: At times, I think that being an idol means being "able to express herself to others." Sounds cool, doesn't it? (laughs). In reality, I believe that it's about being able to replicate what others want from you. ….Hmmm, I guess it makes it sound like school or something.

Q: Do you feel B-Komachi in the same way?

Ai: B-Komachi is different. I met everyone when the group was created, and we wasted no time getting into idol activities. If I lagged behind even a bit, I felt like I was causing problems for others. But with the passing of time, we managed to spend more time together, and I feel like we share an irreplaceable bond.

Q: What is exactly this "irreplaceable bond"?

Ai: Ah, it's nothing too deep. It's just that I've started hanging out with the rest more often. I'm quite a home person, so when I ordered food for everyone, Takamii (Takamine) would get mad at me because the vegetable portions were too small. "You lack femininity! You will never become a wife at this rate!" (laughs). I never said I was thinking of becoming a wife! (laughs)

Q: (laughs) Earlier, you said that sometimes you felt alienated during your childhood. Didn't that cause problems for you, considering that you were chosen as the center of the group?

Ai: Kinda does. Even now, I still wonder if I should be the center. There are more capable members in the group. Of course, I feel honored, but I'm still unsure if I'm doing it right. Maybe other members should be in my position. Besides, it's hard to memorize the dance as a center (bitter laugh)

Q: As a final question, what are the current goals for B-Komachi?

Ai: We have new members joining us this year, so we are even more hyped than before, and we are finally performing in such a big venue as the Dome. B-Komachi has finally become a great group, and I'm sure they will be fine even after I'm gone. Not that I'm planning on quitting (laughs). All the members are so hardworking, kind, and cute. From now on, please, pretty please, support them as much as you can.

#oshi no ko #oshi no posting #ai hoshino #b-komachi #onk translations

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vechter · 2 months

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do u have any fics addressing dick’s trauma?? specifically like maybe discussing his SA with the titans or bruce? or bludhaven blowing up? just like having ppl he can talk to for once? kind of in a cycle of learning more abt him! tysmm if u answer!

hi anon

your continental divides by isawet, reisling: it's one of the first dc fics i read and it set the bar way too high- probably one of the best dick grayson fics out there. directly addresses the whole catalina event (although blüdhaven hasn't been blown up in it). it's beautifully written and shows dick's connections, both to the bats and the titans. but my favourite thing about it is that it doesn't take away dick's agency. in a lot of the fics i've seen, it's always something leading to dick being forced to reveal what happened or people finding out and confronting dick about it.

The Center Cannot Hold by Kieron_ODuibhir: one shot that only vaguely alludes to SA but it does focus a fair bit on dick and the various instances in his life where he's had his agency taken away. tim and bruce are around and even though, no one explicitly talks about anything too heavy, there's a wonderful level of comfort.

When it Rains by vellaphoria: dick and tim centric, with an initial appearance by cass. set in the red robin era. their relationship hasn't fully healed yet but the love is still there! it builds off of the whole league of assassins arc and tim's own experience with attempted SA.

Bet Your Bottom Dollar by husborth: dick and bruce!!! bruce's love and concern for dick and his well-being are like a laser in their intensity and the author really captures that. unfortunately, while the writing and character arcs are excellent, it does stick with morrison's version of talia and damian's subsequent conception which is um... not my cup of tea. but the comfort element is great.

goal-oriented mindset by BeatriceEagle: okay, this is a conversation between catalina and dick after everything. it's catalina's pov and focuses on restorative justice. this one might not for everyone but devin grayson's portrayal of catalina was so deeply warped by racism and misogyny; dc has a long standing habit of caricaturising women of colour. and while i completely understand being furious and wanting revenge from a rapist in universe, the place where catalina was written as one feels wrong when you consider the ramifications and reasons for/of it out of universe. dick's character, in this, feels very authentic.

sorry, these are all i got. i can't think of any about blüdhaven being blown up- most fics just pretend it didn't happen? i guess it's because they brought the city back in n52.

also, none of the other fics i've read (admittedly, there are very few with the titans) about miriam/liu/catalina have felt authentic to any of the characters, especially dick. and too many of the ones with the bats are about jason wanting to kill her or all of the bats acting in a way that's... out of character. but if anyone else has any recs, please drop them in the comments!!

#fic recs #asks

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ultrone · 1 year

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Can I request a baby blurb about Spider!Lottie x Black Cat!Nat x reader who’s ordinary? I saw a LottieNat spider-woman au on TikTok and started thinking a lil bit about it. Reader has no clue her gfs are heroes works for the school newspaper and finds out somehow.

★🕸️🐈‍⬛ — 𝘀𝗽𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝗹𝗼𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗲 𝘅 𝗯𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗰𝗮𝘁 𝗻𝗮𝘁 𝘅 𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

n/a. i know u asked for a baby blurb but by the time i finished writting this i realized that it was too long, i hope u don’t mind 😭 also ty for requesting this, i love marvel and dc but i currently only write for yjs so it felt like two birds one stone 😼🫶🏼

cw. 1.9k

after receiving a low grade on your most recent english literature essay, you faced the risk of failing the class if your grades didn't improve significantly. fortunately, your english professor, who also supervised the university’s newspaper, was in need of additional contributors and offered extra points if you joined. without hesitation, you agreed. although you weren't particularly passionate about journalism, you found it intriguing enough.

however, a few weeks ago, everything changed. an announcement was made regarding a contest, exclusively open to the twenty students involved with the newspaper. only one student would emerge as the winner, with their story featured on the front page—a prestigious honour typically reserved for seniors or professors. additionally, the winning story would be published in the state newspaper, which would undoubtedly enhance your linkedin profile, or so you thought. but what truly excited you was the ultimate reward: exemption from all remaining english literature exams for the semester, ensuring a perfect a+ as the final grade. this meant you could forego the rest of the english lit classes, and it became your primary goal—to craft the best story and secure victory in the contest.

recently, it was discovered that the two superheroes of the moment were, in fact, students at wiskayok university. how the media obtained this information remained a mystery, but its authenticity had been confirmed. you knew that if you were able to expose the identities of these heroes, it would cause a frenzy and undoubtedly lead to your victory. was it ethical to reveal their identities? maybe not. did you want to spend your summer retaking english class? absolutely not. with that in mind, you channelled all your determination and energy into this story.

as the days passed, your obsession with this personal project grew stronger. you had to admit that ever since you were little, you secretly loved superheroes. so, even though your main goal was to win the contest, you also found genuine interest in it. staying late at school, hiding between the bleachers or on the rooftops, became a routine as you searched for any peculiar signs. you even managed to swipe the absences list from the principal's office and kept track of the students with the highest number of absences, considering them as your prime suspects.

your girlfriends, nat and lottie, tried to convince you to stop this endeavour multiple times, insisting it was dumb and a waste of time—especially since it left you with little free time for them. nonetheless, you remained stubborn as ever, even when lottie offered to get you a tutor who could help you over the summer.

it was a tuesday afternoon after class. you dropped off your girlfriends at the field for their soccer practice, promising them that you would go straight home and wait for movie night, something you hadn't done in a while. little did they know, instead of keeping that promise, you had arranged to meet up with two friends. you had paid them beforehand to stage a scene on the street: one pretending to be a burglar, and the other acting as the victim. the plan worked, and now you found yourself hiding inside an empty trash container, straining your ears to catch snippets of distant voices. carefully, you lifted the lid a few centimetres, giving yourself a limited view of spider-woman and black cat as they removed their suits and changed into their regular clothes, which they had stashed in a backpack. unfortunately, your line of sight only reached up to their hips, as lifting the lid any further would risk exposing yourself to their gaze.

that was until a putrid smell reached your nostrils, prompting you to discreetly turn on your phone's flashlight. as the light revealed a dead rat in the corner, you couldn't help but gag, dropping the lid with a loud thud.

"fuck," you muttered, covering your mouth and nose, attempting to stay quiet, praying they hadn't heard you. but it was too late; barely a second later, the lid was forcefully lifted, and the intense daylight flooded your vision, momentarily blinding you.

you were scared shitless, fully prepared to face none other than spider-woman and black cat, and boy, were you fucked. you didn't even bother thinking about making a run for it, already envisioning the worst possible outcomes.

"babe?" you heard, the surprise evident in the familiar voice, pulling you back to reality. in an instant, you opened your eyes and found lottie standing right in front of you. perplexed, you glanced beside her, catching sight of nat, whose arm was lifting the lid.

you rose to your feet, surveying the area, only to discover that the superheroes had vanished. "what are you doing here? you said you were heading straight home," nat questioned, furrowing her eyebrows.

you were about to reply, stumbling over your words as you tried to come up with an excuse when something caught your eye. it was the backpack lottie was carrying—the same one spider-woman and black cat had used to retrieve their clothes just moments ago. shock washed over you, and the realization hit you like a bucket of cold water.

you stared at the backpack in disbelief, still trying to wrap your head around the entire situation. it all made sense now. their sudden disappearances, getting late to almost every single date, the frequent class absences, the mysterious phone calls. you knew they were up to something, but sure as hell you never thought it would be this. they weren’t even on your suspect list.

lottie and nat slowly shifted their gaze toward each other, guilt and embarrassment written all over their faces. it was clear that neither of them had expected you to stumble upon them like this. "we can explain," lottie finally spoke up, her voice barely above a whisper.

"why didn't you tell me?" you inquired, furrowing your brows as you patiently waited for an explanation.

nat shifted nervously from one foot to the other before finally taking a deep breath and replying, "we wanted to, but… we didn’t know how."

lottie nodded in agreement. "we didn't want to put you in danger, y/n, and we also didn't want you to worry," she added.

she began to explain further about her and nat's secret side gig. "we started doing this not long after meeting each other," she said, her voice laced with guilt.

nat stepped closer to you, her gaze apologetic yet determined at the same time. "and we know that keeping this from you wasn’t fair, but we thought it was the best thing for our relationship."

you felt a wave of emotions surge through your body: anger, confusion, worry. part of you wanted to yell at them for lying and keeping secrets from you, while another part reminded yourself that they were only trying to protect you. but if something bad happened to them or even worse—if they died while doing this—you didn't know how you would cope with the guilt.

lottie seemed to sense your distress and quickly stepped forward, her face full of determination. “hey, everything’s gonna be alright,” she said with a gentle smile, taking your hand in hers and soothingly stroking it with her thumb. “i promise.”

you sighed, tears welling up in your eyes. "i just want you both to be safe. i don't wanna lose you," you said, looking at them.

"but you won't," lottie reassured you. "we know how to take care of ourselves," she said.

"yeah, don't worry about us, babe," nat chimed in. "lotts' spidey senses are top-notch, and i have killer claws. see?" she showed her claws off with a mischievous grin, snarling playfully as she tried to make you laugh.

“dumbass," you said with a smile, nudging her shoulder. nat retracted her claws and used her thumb to wipe away your tears. "seriously though, don't worry. we'll be fine. and our top priority will always be to protect you and make sure you’re okay. we love you, y/n, a lot." she moved her hand to your cheek, softly stroking it.

"i love you too," you replied sincerely, hugging both of them tightly. they kissed your head simultaneously as lottie rubbed your back and nat stroked your hair. "but if you ever hide something like this from me again, i swear i'll kill you," you warned them as you playfully tugged their ears simultaneously, making them complain.

"okay, okay, we get it!" nat cried out as you finally let them go.

“owie," lottie said, rubbing her ear with a pained expression.

"you two act all tough in those suits but can't handle a little ear tug," you teased them.

before you could even laugh, one of them lifted you up and carried you away in her arms.

"holy fuck!" you yelled out in fear. "get me the fuck down!"

you tightly held onto lottie's body, closing your eyes shut as she held you securely in her arms. she had put her mask back on and was swinging between buildings with her spider webs. nat was right behind, using her claws and speed to leap from building to building, quickly catching up.

you could feel the wind rushing by your face as you sped through the afternoon sky, the scenery below becoming a blur. just as you were starting to get used to the exhilarating feeling, lottie gently landed on the ground, bringing you to your destination. opening your eyes, you realized you were on your room's balcony.

"what are we doing here? aren't you two going back to practice?" you asked.

"the last thing i wanna do after dealing with some burglar jerk is going back to school and putting up with taissa's annoying-ass team captain attitude," nat replied wearily, entering your room and tossing her backpack on the floor before flopping face-down onto your bed.

"yeah," lottie agreed. "and we thought this would be a perfect time to start movie night," she said as she hopped onto the bed beside nat and patted the spot in the middle, looking at you.

"fine… but we're gonna have a serious conversation about this later," you warned them. nat just hummed dismissively in response. "and you better start installing life360 on your phones," you commanded.

nat and lottie exchanged glances and made complaining faces at each other. "see? this is why i didn't want to tell her," nat muttered, her voice muffled by the pillows as she plopped her face back down.

“if you don’t do it i swear to god i’ll—” you started to say, but your words were cut off as lottie shot a spiderweb toward your mouth, silencing you. you began to mumble angrily, trying to remove it, which caught nat's curious gaze. she burst into laughter at the sight, and lottie couldn't help but join in. just as you managed to take off the spiderweb and were about to scold them, lottie shot another one, this time towards your body, pulling it swiftly and causing you to fly towards the bed, landing right between them.

as soon as you landed, they snuggled up to you and showered you with kisses all over your face, making you giggle and try to stop them with your hands.

"still mad at us?" lottie asked once they stopped.

“mmm, not if you let me pick today’s movie,” you negotiated.

"fair," nat said, grabbing the remote as the three of you snuggled together under the covers.

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bettyshoweduptotheparty · 10 months

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Happy 4th December - No, we are not there yet

Sorry in advance, this is a bit of rant, which is not something I usually post. But it's a wet Monday morning and I've had a really frustrating weekend, and today, on this anniversary of maybe the biggest piece of gaylor lore, the pictures and headlines I'm seeing just tipped me over the edge into a rant.

So, on this 4th December 2023 it is 9 years to the day that the world woke up to grainy pictures and videos of Taylor Swift, the world's most famous popstar and America's ultimate good girl, allegedly kissing a woman at a 1975 concert. And the tabloids and social media went crazy over it. And not in a good way. I remember the way I felt, so very nauseated about reading words like 'lesbian affair', 'shocking' and 'fling', not just on Taylor and Karlie's behalf, but the way it made me feel about myself, too. I was brutally reminded that 'lesbian' in 2014 was still seen as a dirty word and society's default was to see sapphic relationships as something scandalous and a fall from grace, rather than something beautiful. To this day I look at this photo and can't help but feel awed by the love and intimacy that their body language exudes, but the world didn't see it that way, they were just obsessing over whether they kissed or not and how to spin that into a dirty story.

That was almost a decade ago. So, have we made progress? Is it all fixed and every queer person (especially artists and celebrities) can live authentically and freely? Well, no, of course not, as was possibly proven again this weekend by Billie Eilish, who confirmed that she is gay (more or less unplanned) in an interview. Nobody should be surprised as she was never subtle about her queerness, yet it cost her over 100,000 social media followers in just 24 hours after explicitly coming out. Being gay, especially for women, is only acceptable when mainstream society don't have to see it. Don't talk about it and God forbid, don't kiss in public. Never mind that straight people do it all the time. The very same tabloid paper that printed kissgate pictures with the word 'shocking' next to them, put Taylor on the cover two years later and described her romance with Tom Hiddleston as 'exciting' and 'sexy'. And on the very morning I see the tweet about Billie, I find this message in my inbox:

Why indeed...? And I was of course expecting Taylor to show up at another football game, but to see her looking somber in a Carol-esque red fur coat, while her partner and all her friends are having a lovely time in LA... it just makes me angry today. Yes, maybe we've made progress in same ways, but we are still so far from where we need to be for everyone to be able to come out without repercussion. In a better world, Taylor would have been in a gorgeous dress next to her wife, rather than sitting next to the girl who would have bullied us in High School.

(And btw, not only was Rebel Wilson blackmailed into coming out by the Sydney Morning Herold, she has lost thousands of followers and has pretty much focused on film making rather than acting since coming out. Maybe this was always her plan, but also, maybe not. Interesting, that film making is also seemingly becoming Taylor's second career leg...)

So, anon who sent me the question above, take this as my answer. Why is the most famous popstar in the world not out in 2023? Most likely because it would cost her so much of what she's worked hard for over the last 17 years. Not withstanding that the answer may also be 🛴 and what he did in 2019 that prevented her from coming out then, the world is just not a very good place for a celebrity to be anything other than straight, white and cisgender. And after 10 years of activism in LGBTQ+ organisations, today I feel a bit deflated by that. But with every single person who feels brave enough to shout their truth from the rooftops, we break down the walls a little more each time. 🌈

#lgbtq community #lgbtq rights #taylor swift #lgbetty #friends of dorothea #anon ask #personal rant #one day the world will be a kinder place

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emotionallychargedtowel · 8 months

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Desert Hearts rewatch notes

Desert Hearts (1985) is one of my favorite movies, but as with most of my favorites, I've gone quite a while without seeing it at times. I put it on the other day for the first time in years and took some screenshots in the hope that I might get some folks on here to give it a try that haven't, or at least bring back some memories for those who’ve seen it before. Then, when I sat down to post the images, I found I had more to say than I realized.

This was my first time watching this movie since I got into the whole BL/QL genre and I was curious to see if it would seem any different to me after a period of being more immersed in queer stories than usual. Mostly it swept me up into its own world, something this film is really good at. But I did find myself thinking at times about how aspects of it mapped onto QL tropes and more general romance tropes. I also couldn't help but see some parallels to the actual lived experiences of myself and people I know.

Queer romance tropes in Desert Hearts

Three tropes stood out at me that I've run into in the QL world, some of which I've seen in hetero romance settings as well.

Fish out of water - Vivian goes from her life as an academic in New York City to staying at a ranch outside Reno in pursuit of a "quick" divorce. (Having to spend six weeks in a strange place in order to get a divorce was "quick" by 1959 standards.) Helen Shaver, who played Vivian, points out in a featurette included with the Criterion version of the movie that Vivian has been living a very cerebral life, living inside her own head while cutting herself off from her body from the neck down. This radical change of scenery is exactly what she needs to be able to open up to something different.

There’s a similar dynamic at play in hetero fish-out-of-water romances. But I find this trope a lot more interesting in a queer context. Queer identities have a more complex relationship to difference. Among other things, characters who seem to be at home in the environment of the story often turn out to be alienated from it due to others’ perceptions of their sexuality.

Age gap (with the younger person pursuing) - Cay, who is ten years Vivian's junior, is definitely the pursuer here. This isn't a specifically queer trope per se, but it can manifest in some specific ways in queer love stories.

LGBTQ+ identity can put people on unusual timelines in their lives. (This is an idea I first ran into in a book by Jack Halberstam in undergrad.) Sometimes this means being in a more "youthful" mode later in life than cishet people. Other times it means being a particular kind of late bloomer. And so on. So with life stages not conforming to typical expectations, what does it mean to love someone you have a significant age difference with?

In the case of Vivian and Cay, Vivian may be older, but Cay is poised to initiate her into practices and feelings that are pretty familiar for Cay and totally, mind-blowingly new to Vivian. This creates a kind of role reversal. At the same time, Cay has never felt this way about a partner before, so in many ways, their relationship is causing her to have some new and intense experiences as well.

The thing where a character figures out their sexuality for the first time because their feelings toward a love interest act as a catalyst - This is certainly a trope that comes up in stories about queer romance, but it's more debatable whether it's a queer trope in the sense of a trope that is used by and resonates with queer people. I guess I'd say the theme comes up in different ways when a story is very geared toward the "straight gaze" and when it's more authentically queer. With the "straight gaze" version you get things like "gay for you." With more authentic versions, well, I don't think I've noticed many commonalities there. But I will always defend the use of this trope when it's done well in a way that centers queer experience, if only because falling for a specific person is exactly what forced me to come to terms with my own sexuality.

Side note: Speaking of coming to terms with my sexuality, it really is an indication of how deeply in denial I was about my bisexuality in college that seeing this movie for a class didn't help me figure it out. I was deeply affected by it and fixated on it for weeks after seeing it, but it didn't get through the thick shell of obliviousness I had built up around myself.

A connection to personal experience

There are quite a few ways that Desert Hearts resonates with my own experience but one really stood out to me this time around. [Spoilers ahead.] When Cay goes to see Vivian at the hotel where she’s staying after she leaves the ranch, she goes for a last-ditch, Hail Mary move—she takes off her clothes and climbs into Vivian’s bed. At first Vivian tells her to leave, but then she softens a bit, clearly interested but conflicted. Then this moment happens.

I related to this so much. When I fell in love with a someone who was (at that time) presenting as a woman and it started to look like I might actually have a chance, I had so much anxiety about whether and how I could be intimate with my crush and whether I’d be able to “perform” decently. It turns out, as we learned when we compared notes sometime later, we had each had the same worry and we’d both bought an instructional book about lesbian sex (I think it may even have been the exact same book!).

I think part of my anxiety back then stemmed from the prospect of starting from scratch with a new set of practices and skills after being acclimated to sex with men. It made me feel like I was off balance. But when I actually did get close to my crush, another, much more pleasant side to my inexperience came up. It turned out that not having a familiar script for what to do made me much more present and gave me a sense of freedom. I remember thinking that it was like going from traveling down the same old route to exploring a new place that we had to write our own maps for. And that was pretty exhilarating.

Soon after that relationship happened, I read Zami: A New Spelling of My Name by Audre Lorde. There was a passage where Lorde described something very similar from her own life. In this passage, she’s reflecting after her first sexual encounter with a woman after having a similar set of anxieties.

So this was what I had been so afraid of not doing properly. How ridiculous and far away those fears seemed now, as if loving were some task outside of myself, rather than simply reaching out and letting my own desire guide me. It was all so simple.

She’s so amazing at evoking these feelings, isn’t she?

I can’t think of any other places I’ve seen this type of experience discussed besides these two. (I’m pretty sure others exist, but the fact that I haven’t come across them suggests there aren’t very many.) There are plenty of stories out there about hetero sex performance anxiety and its eventual resolution, but I think the queer version of this kind of learning has some big inherent differences that go way beyond the genders of partners being different. So it’s really nice to see it come up here, and be handled in such a sweet way.

In case you’re wondering, once Vivian is able to “let her own desire guide her,” in Lorde’s words, she also finds that her fears were misplaced. The resulting love scene is beautifully executed even by current standards. It’s even more remarkable to see it in a film that was released in 1985. It’s equally remarkable that this sex scene was shown in rather explicit detail.

about, by, and/or for?

I'm also thinking about this movie in terms of the for/by/about queers typology that @wen-kexing-apologist came up with a while back. In my estimation, Desert Hearts belongs right in the center of WKA's Venn diagram. It's about queers, of course. I'd also place it in the "by queers" category. The director, Donna Deitch, who also co-wrote the screenplay, is an out lesbian. It's not clear whether the other co-screenwriter was queer. Her personal life was mysterious enough that it seems like a definite possibility. And the movie is based (somewhat loosely) on a novel by Jane Rule, who was also an out lesbian and whose work as a writer was very focused on lesbian characters.

I'd also consider this movie to be "for queers." It was marketed to a wider audience, of course. But as I watched some of the bonus material and looked at writing about the movie, I saw a lot of evidence that Deitch made the film for her community and they embraced it.

Shaver had a really lovely story in the featurette I watched about this. I forget the exact nature of it, but she described how she attended some kind of event with Deitch and Charbonneau where the audience was full of queer women who gave them an incredibly long standing ovation that she found very moving and helped her see how impactful the film had been.

I’m also sure Deitch had queer viewers in mind (at least in part) when she set out to fill a glaring gap in Sapphic representation. In an interview with AfterEllen, Deitch said, “My goal was to make a lesbian love story that did not end in a bisexual love triangle or a suicide. Because that’s all that had been made at the time I set out to make Desert Hearts.” (Note: I’m not linking due to transphobia concerns regarding that site but folks should be able to find it easily if they look.)

In summary…

If you haven’t seen Desert Hearts yet I really can’t recommend it highly enough.

(And yes, that’s Denise Crosby from Star Trek: The Next Generation sitting beside Jeffrey Tambor.)

#desert hearts #queer cinema #donna deitch #helen shaver #patricia charbonneau

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