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#that last bit is just to head off the usual 'friendly concerned advice giving anons' I tend to get after posts like these
bigskydreaming · 4 years
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TFW you realize you relate more to a fave character than you ever actually consciously realized, lmao. 
So I was just having a remote therapy session, and we were focusing on just some mental pain management techniques since my stupid metabolism makes most pain meds largely useless and my head has been waging all out warfare on me for the past week and a half, lololol. And we were delving into one of my personal fave rants, which is the fact that so many people - including vaunted medical professionals - just fundamentally don’t seem to get that having a high pain tolerance does not mean you don’t like, FEEL pain unless its really a lot or intense. Its just that you’re hard-wired/trained/geared via stuff like an abusive childhood, lol, to not SHOW or DISPLAY any visible or audible pain cues unless the pain reaches a certain high threshold where its impossible to hold them back.
But particularly over the past four or five years, with my ongoing medical shit, its super obnoxious trying to get your doctors to display a sense of urgency about your condition because they’re just fundamentally not grasping the degree of chronic pain you’re dealing with every day, since, y’know....I can literally be sitting there in the doctor’s chair and conversationally talking about the fact that no, I definitely am currently feeling like, an eight or nine out of ten on the pain scale, please don’t be confused by the fact that I’m literally LOLing as I describe this to you rather than gasping and moaning in a more obvious indication of it. 
Its like, I’m not TRYING to undersell it or anything, its just, when you grow up since the time you’re like five or six years old, knowing damn well that the only appropriate response to someone asking ‘oh am I hurting you’ that won’t earn you MORE pain is a completely casual or cavalier sounding ‘nope, I’m fine, all good here, no problems.’......like, at a certain point in your development, that becomes pretty hard-wired in, like, you can’t shake it just because you consciously WANT to. (Though it is one of the things I’m trying to unlearn and ‘rewire’ in therapy now, via EMDR techniques aimed at like, literally reprogramming my nervous system and how I react to various stimuli. Its.....slow progress, lmao, but I mean there is some progress so its all good).
But point being, when you’re a physically abused kid and your physical abuser doesn’t want to believe or accept that they’re hurting you, and so they tended to just get angrier and MORE dangerous if they thought you were indicating or even just ‘implying’ that they were in fact hurting you.....you get pretty damn good at not showing even the slightest hint of pain or distress unless its literally a level you’ve never experienced before and thus have no practical experience in hiding or distracting yourself from.
But that doesn’t mean you don’t FEEL every bit of it. It doesn’t mean you’ve found a magical off-switch that means you can just mind-over-body yourself from acknowledging or being aware that you are in fact in a shit ton of pain. You just.....have learned the importance of masking it, and found ways to do that by necessity.
Except, even much later in life when you are in a safe place or more control of your situations or surroundings, there’s no easy way to just....stop putting that mask on by default, the second you’re experiencing any type of pain. And so even when dealing with medical professionals, too many of them just don’t GET that their vaunted ‘tell me how much pain you’re in from one to ten’ scale isn’t really the be-all and end-all of pain measurement, because its subjective and arbitrary as HELLLLLLLLL.....and one of the defining parameters for what that pain scale looks like and feels like for YOU, is....your personal history with pain and how you’re ‘comfortable’ displaying evidence of it. (And I know there’s a ton of people and even groups of people who can relate to this for entirely different reasons, I just can only speak to my own of course). 
But its definitely frustrating and invalidating as hell to be in more pain than many people ever experience in their lives, and TRYING to convey that as openly and honestly as you can.....and literally being able to SEE the doubt and dismissal in doctors’ eyes, because all they’re seeing is the visual cues you’re putting out there and which they equate to ‘can’t possibly be in THAT much pain, not if he’s acting this casual about it’.....
And so the frustrating irony is that you end up dismissed as like, a pain ‘lightweight’ who is complaining about an apparent degree of pain that’s barely anything in their ‘professional’ estimation. And thus they’re disinclined to take your requests for heavier or more effective pain medication seriously, or not impressed by your attempts to imbue a greater sense of urgency in their approach to your treatment plan or procedures, etc......when in reality, the only reason you’re showing those cues of not being in that much pain is because you’re MORE used to and familiar with even extremely high degrees of pain than anything a lot of them are accustomed to.
Its invalidating as hell, being treated as though you have no idea what you’re talking about when you say “I am actually in a shit ton of active, ongoing pain, hey thanks, can we maybe do something about this,” when actually, the disconnect comes from you having MORE experience with MORE pain than some of them can even fathom. You just....also have more experience with reasons not to SHOW that pain, if its at all avoidable to any degree whatsoever.
THAT’S what high pain tolerance actually means, and the sheer volume of medical professionals who just flat out don’t get this, or worse, just don’t care or are too proud to reassess their viewpoints on this matter if that carries the implication they don’t actually know as much as they think they do......god, it grates.
(Once, when I was around twenty-three or twenty-four I think, I got caught up in the periphery of a bar fight that resulted in me getting a shard of glass embedded in the back of my forearm. Still have a pretty sizable scar from it. And it absolutely hurt like fuck, but I was conscious as paramedics arrived on scene and when going to the hospital to have it removed and stitched up, and like......kinda cracking jokes about it the whole time because I was uncomfortable as hell and didn’t really know what else to do or how to react, y’know? I mean, I had a few inches of glasses jutting out from the top of my forearm, lol, what the hell are you supposed to do or say about that? There’s not really a protocol, lmao. Problem was, they took one look at me sitting there with this spear of glass sticking out of my arm and making dumb jokes about it like it was no big deal......and they decided this meant I was in shock and kept trying to treat me accordingly. And it was just like.....useless, because lol no I wasn’t in shock, I had none of the physical symptoms of being in shock and benefited from none of their assumptions that I was.....I was just a dude with a shard of glass in his arm that hurt like fuck and I really wanted it out as soon as possible, and I was in full awareness of what had happened and everything I was feeling, I just didn’t know how to convey this in a way that they would believe, because I couldn’t come up with anything to say or do other than laugh about how fucking surreal the whole situation was.)
Anyway, so circling back to the point, or as much of one as I ever have, so today I was just learning and practicing various mental pain management/coping techniques with my therapist and discussing my issues with doctors and the High Pain Tolerance Quandary. Basically like, I would really truly like to know or learn how to display the ‘expected’ physical and visual/audio cues for being a person who is experiencing a ‘4′ on the pain scale, versus a person who is experiencing a ‘7′ or a ‘10′.....so they can stop fucking treating me like I’m only at a 4 when I’m actually at an 8 or 9, just because I look and sound like a person who really is only at a 4 no matter what they actually CLAIM to be feeling.
Course, easier said than done.
But yeah, so as she was coaching me through various techniques and surveying what I was doing with my body and facial expressions and cues, etc, she pointed out something that I had literally never noticed about myself before, even though once she DID point it out I could recognize that its something I’ve been doing for as long as I can remember, well back before I was ten and no doubt stemming from smack dab in the midst of the worst of my childhood abuse.
So, y’know on Teen Wolf, how Scott and Liam and various others are at times shown digging their claws into their palms and drawing blood to ground themselves with the pain? (And ironically, how I was just talking the other week about photo doubling for a similar such scene with gashes in the character’s palms, lmfao). Well, obviously I don’t have claws, and part of why I’d never really paid much attention to when I was doing it is because even my therapist wasn’t comfortable classifying it as a kind of self-harm or anywhere near punitive enough to carry that kind of weight or associations.....
But like, I’ve always kept my fingernails fairly trimmed but not completely. Like, just enough of an edge to them that at times, particularly when I’m in physical pain or distress already, I’ll just like....dig my fingernails into the pad of other fingertips, and use that little familiar spike of pain to not ground myself but rather distract myself from whatever else I was feeling. Like, she wasn’t comfortable calling it a self-punitive technique because as we got into it, it was clear I was never doing it to CAUSE myself pain....rather, its something I only do when I’m already in pain, usually far more pain than anything that brings up.....but by deliberately doing that and creating a focal awareness around it, even just a largely subconscious one......I’ve apparently long been using that to hook my attention up to a very specific, very manageable sensation/focal point of pain that lets me and my ADHD brain relegate whatever other pain I’m feeling (even if its much much worse) to the back of my mind for at least a little while, as I distract myself by focusing on this more obvious and consciously directed bit of lesser pain. 
And a big part of why I probably never noticed I was doing this, we eventually concluded, is because as a kid I probably came up with it as a kind of survival technique specifically BECAUSE it was something I could do to distract myself/manage my pain covertly, without drawing my abuser’s attention to what I was doing either. And by extension, without the fact that I was doing it at all 'betraying’ that I was in pain or trying to manage or cope with painful sensations in the first place. A lot of other pain management techniques, like even just deep, deliberate breaths, tend to be a lot more obvious and noticeable, and thus would have been counter-productive for my specific purposes. No matter how much they helped me manage whatever physical pain I was feeling, they would have at the same time inevitably drawn attention to the fact that I was trying to do that at all in the first place....and thus only invite more pain. 
Merely digging my fingernails into my fingertip pads, not enough to draw blood or make me cry out or anything like that, but rather just to distract myself and deliberately focus me on a source of pain I could deal with and more easily handle, as well as being ‘low in intensity’ enough that focusing on it didn’t bring any other obvious visual or audio pain cues to the forefront.....that I could do without anyone noticing. And thus this is likely why it came to be my go-to move whenever I was in any kind of pain at all, as just a quick and easy way to wrap my head around my physical sensations and shift focus to something more easily dealt with or managed (even if it didn’t actually dismiss or get rid of whatever other pain I’m feeling entirely). And just the low-key nature of it in general likely being a big part of why it became such an unconscious instinct for me until now, something that barely even registered in my conscious mind as I built up/hard-wired instinctive responses that incorporated it without me having to consciously direct myself to do that.
I mean, its still obviously not an ideal response, especially when I’m long past being stuck in any kind of external situations or need to fall back on that and the covert nature of it. So now its another of those things to just be aware of and work on rewiring on an instinctive level, making it a priority for me to focus on consciously using more helpful and positive methods of pain management.
But it was just interesting to me to have it pointed out as something I’ve been doing all this time, let alone being as unaware of doing it as I’ve apparently been. And its not hard to draw obvious parallels to when characters in media I consume do similar things even if for not quite the same reasons or in quite the same ways. So now I’m just kinda contemplating that and wondering how much even just some degree of unconscious awareness that I do that might have made me more alert to when characters or other people do similar things. Made me more attuned to noticing or even fixating on moments when they do things like that, that I related to even on an entirely subconscious level.
*Shrugs* Anyway, that’s all, like, literally not going anywhere with this, was just unwinding and felt like mapping my way through that all contemplatively, because oh no, inexplicable strangeness, therapy puts me in particularly contemplative headspaces, whodathunkit, lmfao. *Shrugs* Just struck me as particularly interesting, so felt like sharing for anyone else who can relate/see similar parallels themselves.
Or just chalk it up to random anecdotal wtf-ery from your friendly (err, mostly. okay sometimes. FINE ideally, let’s go with that) neighborhood over-sharer. 
#that last bit is just to head off the usual 'friendly concerned advice giving anons' I tend to get after posts like these#plz stop doing that#i know i over-share its not a secret and I do it with full knowledge and intent because I feel like it#it suits my purposes#my purposes do not have to be your purposes nor do they require your approval#if it makes you uncomfortable thats where the beauty of tumblr being a largely opt-in experience comes from#there's the door#i can understand the confusion - its not actually a big blinking EXIT sign but rather an 'unfollow' button#its really that simple lmfao stop being so concerned with what Im doing particularly in posts where Im not even interacting with anyone#and for the love of god please stop assuming that everyone on tumblr is TRYING to post from a state of being on#an emotional plateau of zen#nah - some of us literally use the medium to vent and unpack stuff we dont have a ton of room to vent about or unpack in our offline lives#and like the relative(ish) anonymous nature of it combined with the potential for at least some kind of validation via#like-minded or experiencing individuals in a pseudo-communal setting#our purpose/usage does not need to be yours and it does not require your condoning#and I would just like to suggest that maybe people who put a ton of emphasis on telling others (like survivors) to do a better job of#curating what content they experience/are exposed to online#might be well served to put a little more focus on curating what content YOU experience if you find yourself uncomfortable with particular#posting habits#there's a bajillion other people out there to follow#you dont need to be here if you dont actually want to be or arent actually comfortable being here#BUT I DIGRESS
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theodora3022 · 4 years
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Since you wrote about Yandere Villians with Y/N having a cute fairy quirk, how about a Yandere Hero having a Y/N with a monstrous quirk? SO...you pick the hero! Pick any male hero who you believe can handle Y/N. You do such amazing writing.
Y/N have to wear a face mask to hide the muzzle she wears going outside. Y/N have a quirk where she goes on a frenzy. Her eyes turn red, her veins pop out of her skin, she starts growling and trying to bite anyone near by. A monster who craves to rip flesh and bones. Y/N can turn on her quirk if she feels so much anger or fear. Y/N doesn't want to hurt anyone. She wants to live a quiet and alone life.
Wolf
Pairing: Best Jeanist x f!reader
Warnings: light yandere content, power abuse, threats
Thank you so much for the compliment, dear anon! I went soft with the monster idea that I just made the reader into a werewolf...hope it is still good! I was torn between Kiri and Best Jeanist! I really like Best Jeanist, I wish he got some more screen time ... Maybe I’ll do another one for the shark boy later.
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Some groundwork:
When your quirk manifested at four years old, you were not surprised: you come from a family of Mutant quirks, after all.
Your quirk, wolf, means you can transform into a wolf anytime. The longevity is unknown to you since you barely use it. Even in your normal human form, you still have wolf ears and tail. You also have a sensitive nose, just like canines. You (hair color) fluffy fur is the same color as your hair. In acient times, before quirks become a thing, you would be seen as a werewolf.
While transformed, it is hard to supress the wolf’s wild instincts, the desire to hunt, to kill and consume raw meat (extremely difficult if you are hungry). You hate it, being like a beast instead of human. You had outbursts in the past that nearly killed one of your friends. There fore you stay in human at all times.
So most of the time, you just kept a muzzle near you, just in case you would lose yourself to the beast again.
You always feel this...strange sense of difference between you and normal people, so all of your friends have mutant quirks. You kept your social circle small, only letting those who are deemed trustworthy close to you (you told them to run if they see any signs of you getting wild)
You always had a soft spot for animals, therefore you decided to work in a pet shop. Dogs especially loves you, maybe because your canine quirk. Cats not so much, as they had left quite a few marks on you when you just started.
Now you are the assistant manager, the salary is decent, so you do not look for anything more. You never thought of having a romantic relationship because you do not trust yourself: you do not want to hurt the person you love. So even if you had crushes you just kept those feelings hidden until they went away.
Best Jeanist/Tsunagu Hakamada
Did you know his favorite animal is wolf? Therefore he is a furry
Being the No.4 pro hero means taking on lots of stress, so Tsunagu decides to have an animal friend at home who he can talk to freely, without worrying leaking information (I mean how can animals pass on information).
He went into the nearest pet shop, hoping to find a furry companion, preferably dogs.
What he did not expect is to find you there, with those literal puppy eyes and fluffy ears sticking out of your hair, tending to the puppies.
Tsunagu met people with similar quirks before, and he finds them aesthetically pleasing. But seeing you with a litter of adorable puppies, laughing and petting them? He felt like his heart just melted.
“Hello sir. How may I help you today?” You put on your usual smile. Tsunagu is wearing his civilian clothes, so he is just another customer to you. A fashionable one, though. You took notice at his stylish blonde hair.
Tsunagu would ask you about all the options for adopting a puppy. However he is only half-listening: he is drawn to how your ears twitch towards any abnormal sounds...
“Oh, my ears? Sorry if they are distracting. It’s part of my quirk.”
Would get you to talk to him as much as possible, with lots of polite questions.
When you bid him good day as he walks out the door, holding a poodle puppy with its supplies, Tsunagu is determined to see you more.
You are warm, like a ray of sunlight in this stormy world. Having worked as a pro hero for so long, dealing with many negative things so often, make him attracted to positive people. Those furry wolf ears and tail only added to his admiration.
Whenever Best Jeanist is not needed at his agency, Tsunagu Hakamada would find excuses to drop by your shop. Whether it be buying new accessories for his puppy or simply need some advice on her, he would find a way to talk to you, to hear your voice.
Until he become acquainted with you enough, Tsunagu finally asked for you name.
“I’m (y/n), and you, sir?” “Tsunagu. Tusnagu Hakamada.”
Never have once you associated your friendly customer with the No.4 Pro hero of Japan. Tsunagu is charismatic and talkative (at least to you), never putting on airs like Endeavor. Since he wears a mask, the public does not have a good idea what he looks like.
Then you noticed those small gestures, how Tsunagu’s hands would “unintentionally” brush against yours when you hand over his paid items, how his body would lean in slightly towards you whenever you are talking. Or how his lips would curl upwards whenever your tails wags with excitement. You also seen him way more frequently compare to average customers.
“He got a crush on you.” One of you co workers, teases after Tsunagu left the store.
“No he doesn’t.” You blush, although considering her hypothesis.
You seen some of his clothes in fashion magazines, one of them costs more then your monthly salary. Tsunagu is clearly a rich man, a fashion designer perhaps.
“Ms.(y/n), sorry if this sounds intrusive, but do you have a lover?”
That was...unexpected. “No, I do not. Why did you ask, Mr. Hakamata?”
That saves him trouble. Best Jeanist has got this flawless reputation for years, he prefers not to taint it. But if he must, Tsunagu would not hesitate. You belong with him, and him only. “Well, it’s possible such a beautiful lady like you already has a significant other.”
“Mr. Hakamata...I-” You were not sure to blush or to smile. Now it is clear to you: This blonde is interested in you. However you do not know what to respond.
“Call me Tsunagu, please.”
The next day you would find a lily bouquet wrapped in denim on the store counter?! Who use that as a bouquet wrapper? Flatter as you are, you still find this unsettling. He did not show up for the rest of the day, which gives you time to think.
Tsunagu is handsome and kind. He seems like a perfect choice, but you wonder what he would say if he saw you as a bloodthirsty wolf, feral and hungry for killing.
You decide to turn him down, not wanting to give him false hope.
Some minor villain is causing trouble in the streets when you were walking home. You were just going to sprint away at first, but in the corner of your eye you saw a mother with her toddler daughter being corner by the villain. The way the mother tries to protect her child triggered something in you. You have to do something!
“Grr!!!” Suddenly a piece of flesh is ripped off the villain’s leg. The villain screams in pain, but you dodged every last one of his attacks while leaving deep bite marks on him. Soon the sidewalk is stained crimson with blood. You know the two had already gotten away, you should stop now. But the wolf instincts got the better of you. You crave blood, lots of it. The growing pool under you is not enough.
You heard police sirens, someone yelling for you to stop, but the wolf is not willing to. It seems it would not be satiated unless this villain dies a brutal death.
Streams of fibers wrapped around you, restraining you until you cannot move anymore.
When you regained consciousness, you were in a clean jail cell, still in your wolf form. You assumed that you are being confined in a hero agency since you just lost control.
The door cracked. It is Tsunagu! What is he doing here? And why is he wearing a jean mask?
Then you saw the rest of his outfit. Demin jeans suit from head to toe, the...the No.4?
He is Best Jeanist? What is happening now?
Tsunagu wanted to take things slow, he wanted to date you normally, letting you know everything about him, but this seems like too good of an oppertunity to pass up.
“(y/n), can you understand me?” He crouches down with a concerned look on his face.
You nod. You are not able to speak human languages while in wolf form, another draw back.
“Do your clothes come back when you transform? Or do you need some clothes?”
You left your clothes behind a dumpster before, so you just shook your head. If you were to transform now, it could be quite embarrassing.
Handing you a denim dress, Best Jeanist leaves to give you some privacy to change.
After you are dressed and back in human form, he took you to his office.
“I know you must have lots of question right now, but please allow me to explain somethings first.”
“The villain is in bad shape. You did quite a bit damage on him. His blood loss is immense; he is still in the ICU as we speak.”
Why don’t you just let him die, he’s a threat to society anyway. You ask yourself, silently.
“However, while he is a villain, you still hurt him too much. And it’s not even self-defence. You are not a hero, it’s illegal.”
You tense up. Would you face charges for this? For trying to protect other people.
“Would I go to Tartarus? For how long?”
“Oh, come now. As long as I have any say , I won’t allow that to happen.” Your eyes lit up, wanting to thank him.
“You can be my wife instead. Stay with me, and no charges would be pressed.”
What?
You know he likes you, but just asking to become his wife like that? Without dating first.
“Tsunagu, I... you...this...” He finds your stutters cute, as he traces his fingers along the edge of your wolf ears. Best Jeanist had been wanting to do that for so long, he worked so hard to restrain himself.
“Your choice. Either face court charges, or you can be with me, all is well.”
Tsunagu Hakamada is confident about his chances. An innocent, adorable civilian like you will not last long even in the most outer cells of Tartarus.
Tears slides down your chin as you give a reclutant reply. “I’ll...be with you.”
Who could have thought Tsunagu would do such a thing? He is always so nice and friendly. But now here he is, threatening you with this crime?
“Perfect.” Snapping a denim collar around your neck, he lifts your chin, forcing you to look up to him. “I can’t wait to get you home; you would be such a lovely little wolf. My little wolf.”
“Should you ever try to leave me, I’m sure Tartarus is always avaliable.”
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Hi! I was the one who originally requested the "injured/sick Jughead and Archie having to give him piggyback rides and take care of him alone" prompt, and I would absolutely love if you would fill it! :) (and so glad you replied on that post, so I could find your amazing blog! )
(Hey anon! You’re so sweet!!
This summer Archie’s mind was completely set on one thing.
He was going to make it up to Jughead for his wrongs the last summer, and that he could once and for all prove that he did care for Jughead and prove his worth as a blood brother. Of course, time and time again Jughead kept insisting that all was good, he was forgiven but Archie was not having it.
Jughead had been there for him through everything; when his parents split up, Jughead was there every single time he called for him, and even when Archie didn’t call for him. He knew exactly when Archie needed him, and when he needed space.
Jughead had supported him with football and music, gave him advice when he needed it. He was there through breakups, and arguments with his dad. Jughead was there for him with happened with Grundy, and despite Archie seriously hurting him the past summer, Jughead was still looking out for him and being a good friend, even if Archie hadn’t been one to him. He had been there after she had left, allowing him to accept that what happened to him was not love, it was manipulation and it was wrong. Jughead got him through that.
Archie felt as if he hadn’t been there for Jughead, and his friend had crumbled before his very own eyes. Archie had been powerless to do anything, and he felt as if he hadn’t done enough. So this summer, the road trip was going to happen.
Understandably, Jughead was a little cautious, scared of being let down again so he didn’t show as much excitement as last year, to avoid being hurt, which of course made Archie feel bad. So Archie filled Jughead’s life with excitement, bursting with brightness and joy, to reassure Jughead this time he wasn’t going anywhere.
Once everything was packed, at the back of Fred’s truck, Jughead climbed onto shotgun and waited for Archie to say his last goodbyes to Fred. As Fred slipped him some extra cash, Archie could only smile and gave him one last hug before climbing into the car and driving away.
“Ready?”
“Born ready.”
The two began to drive, and Archie spared a glance over at Jughead as they left the “Welcome to Riverdale” sign, and the boy looked happy. He looked relaxed, at peace, excited. The sight made Archie’s heart swell, knowing Jughead needed this change. Riverdale had continued to hurt him and beat him up, and Jughead had to get away from it, away from Riverdale’s darkness. He could sense something lifting off Jughead’s shoulders, he looked a lot younger, a lot brighter, unlike the sad, burdened soul he had been recently. It was a good look on him, and seeing this revived youth and optimism back on Jughead was more than enough for Archie.
20 minutes into the journey, to their first destination of a hike on a headland to warm them up and ease them into their three and a half week adventure, the two boys were playing the category game, with of course a geeky twist. The two were in the middle of naming different generation 4 Pokémon when Archie suddenly realised the slight twinge of congestion written in Jughead’s speech and how his voice had gone down half a step.
“Jug? What’s up with the Morgan Freeman voice?”
Jughead shrugged, “Just a bit sick.”
Archie’s face fell.
Upon seeing the look on his friend’s face Jughead burst into laughter, “Archie–it’s a small cold, I took medicine and everything this morning, I have four packs of cough drops and I brought some meds with me, and like a few packets of tissues. It’s not going to suddenly make this a trip to hell.”
Archie sighed, “Jug, I just..wanted this to be perfect, I should’ve noticed and postponed–”
Jughead whacked Archie on the head fondly, “Andrews, we are not perfect people so there is no way this road trip is going to be perfect. What did you expect? Did you think we were going to meet some monks at the top of a mountain and find ourselves spiritually? Nah, I want this because I’m with my best friend in the entire world who can be dumb, and so am I, so dumb things will happen and we’ll have a great time.”
The words ‘best friend in the entire world’ lingered in Archie’s heart, the words so sweet and meant so much to him he couldn’t say anything, overwhelmed with emotion.
Jughead noticed, and smiled softly, but of course could not stay in this sappy situation.
“Alright Archie, don’t start with the waterworks now,” Jughead rolled his eyes fondly.
Archie blinked the tears away and chuckled along, putting on a CD of road trip music Jughead made (and Jughead still insisted that he totally wasn’t excited). He expected more of Jughead’s sad music but instead was greeted with some great tunes.
“JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRL! LIVIN IN A LONELY WORLD!” They both sang ridiculously off-key.
After about half an hour of offkey singing, the bohemian rhapsody came on which they sung awfully to, and somehow the two had gotten onto a..not so friendly debate about wether a Suicide Squad was a good movie or not.
Of course there wasn’t any hard feelings or genuine harm being done here. Archie and Jughead loved attacking each other, and when they first became friends with Ethel she was a hundred percent sure they hated each other. It was the exact opposite.
“Where is the plot, Archie?! I don’t fuckin see it,” Jughead quipped, looking around in a very exaggerated way, and Archie couldn’t help but just burst into laughter. He couldn’t help but feel a little concerned at the deepening voice and the thickening congestion.
“It’s just a mish-mash of sc–”
Suddenly, Jughead was pitching forward and sneezing ridiculously loudly into his cupped hands.
“FUCK!” Archie yelled, completely shocked.
Archie knew Jughead sneezed louder than most people, it was completely out of his control, but Jughead usually tried to repress the sound as much as he could. The sound was still quite loud, definitely attention grabbing, and unrepressed they were even louder. But this? Jughead was really going for it.
Jughead burst into laughter that hurt his sides, tears welling in his eyes. Archie raised an eyebrow disapprovingly, now realising his stupid best friend had been intending for this kind of reaction.
“Jughead!” Archie growled.
Jughead wiped his tears away and tried to relax, “What? It was a really bad tickle.”
“Sure,” Archie hissed, although there was really no anger or actual bitterness in his voice.
Jughead pouted at him, crystal clear blue eyes completely irresistible, “But I’m sick, Archie warchie~”
Archie sighed and gave in, trying to ignore the growing anxious pit in his stomach. The fact that Jughead was full on announcing and speaking about his sickness casually left a bad feeling in his body.
“Welp, here we are dude,” Archie announced, pulling up onto a car park.
Jughead rolled his window to gaze at the beautiful headland before them. The lush greens of it beautifully complimenting the soft blue sky. Plus, there were only about three other cars in the parking lot, meaning there wasn’t much people. He felt comforted by that; he could hike up the headland, away from Riverdale and the pain it brought him, and he wasn’t alone. He was with his best friend in the entire world. He felt a lot lighter, free of the heavy burden weighing on his shoulders, he was so sure he was going to collapse.
“It’s alright I guess,” Jughead smirked, unable to truly express how he felt (he was working on it, he promised) but he knew that Archie knew.
Archie pulled out his backpack; filled with water and blankets. Jughead took his; filled with food (naturally) and a camera. They began to walk towards the path leading them up the headland, and they began to walk up. They looked around at their surroundings; completely enthralled by the lush greens and the outstanding pops of blue flowers, the brilliant strong browns of the oaks and pines, the stunning dainty yellow flowers on the grass.
The sun shone from the trees, casting a magnificent light on the forest. It was cinematic; which was complete heaven for Jughead. He had completely forgotten about these joys of life; as his life recently had been moving too fast and Jughead just couldn’t stop and take a breather for once, admire the view. It was silent; but it was a comfortable silence, he needed it. His brain was constantly attacked by venomous thoughts and words, so tainted by all the darkness and the silence was purifying and he was so glad Archie understood that.
Jughead stopped to take a few pictures, and the sight of the boy so passionate and excited for once was such a refreshing sight. Archie watched him, cherishing this moment, wondering how long it had been since Jughead had been this happy. How long would it last?
The two boys continued their journey up the headland, free of the corruption of Riverdale, allowed to be just boys for once.
“It’s such a great view, isn’t it Jughead?” Archie smiled, looking at the leaf littered path and the beautiful light casting on the trees.
Suddenly Jughead started coughing violently, spluttering into his jacket sleeve (it was summer and of course Jughead Jones was still wearing a jacket). Archie frowned, but as soon as he caught Jughead’s eye, who clearly didn’t want this moment ruined by his sickness, he let it go for now.
“Well, you just ruined it,” Archie teased.
“Andrews, you ruined the sight the moment you stepped into it,” Jughead shot back teasingly.
“Besides, the real sight here is the Magnificent Moi, and my beautiful complexion accompanied by my ever so wondrous youth and presence,” Jughead joked.
Archie scoffed, although inside he agreed. Not with the complexion part–Jughead was rather pale and his cheeks and nose were turning a red shade slowly but surely–but as beautiful as the forest was, the best part for Archie was how happy Jughead was. It made Archie feel whole.
The two then laughed and wrapped arms around each other in a totally bro way, clapping each other on the back.
“I feel like we’re the fellowship on some sort of grand adventure,” Archie grinned brightly.
“What’s the mission? To throw you into a giant lava pit?” Jughead joked as Archie playfully shoved him away.
As they trekked on, Jughead started feeling weaker in his bones. He felt a slight fever coming on, due to the little bit of heat radiating off his body. It wasn’t too severe; nothing that would cause an emergency. It made him feel a little woozy, a bit disorientated and definitely less self conscious.
Along with the banter and stupid jokes, meaningful conversations and more sappier, nostalgic talks began between the two friends. A headache began to form in Jughead’s head, much to his displeasure and he didn’t even try denying it to Archie. He admitted it casually and just kept going; despite Archie insisting they could stop. It honestly wasn’t that bad.
Suddenly, as Jughead looked up, at the end of the forest, all pain and discomfort suddenly fled his body as one of the most beautiful, cinematic sights appeared before his eyes.
A magnificent sunset, composed like a beautiful Rodger Deakins shot. The colours were bright and vivid, saturated, a deep contrast to the darker colours of Riverdale. It filled his heart with warmth and joy. It was so breathtaking. He wasn’t sure if it was his fever or wether it was the genuine beauty of it all, but a few tears pricked his eyes as he remembered how beautiful life could still be.
As he was enthralled and captivated by the scenery, he had completely lost control of his body and he completely missed the fact that there was quite a large rock in front of him and suddenly, he was falling.
“Shit!” Jughead yelped as he tripped, quietly gasping as he felt his ankle twist and felt the pain shooting up. A light burning sensation began down at his ankle and Jughead swallowed, biting in the pain as a panicked Archie muttering “fuck” over and over again helped him sit up.
“Are you okay?” Archie asked frantically, unsure on what to do.
Jughead opted for a smirk and a bat on the face, “I’m fine–just swooning over the totally hot Archiekins over here.”
Archie rolled his eyes; knowing Jughead didn’t feel that sort of attraction but still felt worried nonetheless.
“I don’t think you should walk anymore–”
Jughead slapped his arm gently, “Archie! We are on a grand adventure! Enjoying nature! Finding ourselves amongst the earth that was gifted to us! I just do this on the legs that was handcrafted for me, be one with my body!”
Archie let out a tiny groan of annoyance, but knew this was a battle he could not win. Instead, they continued up their walk. Thankfully, there wasn’t much until they reached the top of it. It took another 20 minutes but due to the shooting pain in his ankle, Jughead was convinced that it was another hour. He didn’t want to be a stubborn prick, in fact he was going to tell Archie later on, it was just that he really wanted to see this view.
The view was stunning.
There was so much they could see from up here–the world looked so different. They both felt so small on this grand scope of the land; everything felt so big. However, Riverdale had been stifling them for so long and they felt so free.
“Wow,” Archie spluttered, unable to say anything else.
Jughead, who was considerably better with words, didn’t have the words either, “Can we stay..? For a little while?”
In a matter of minutes, Archie had set up a blanket on the grass and they both sat there in silence, as the sky turned into a dark blue and the stars came out to play.
A cool breeze wafted over them, causing Jughead to shiver, pulling his jacket tighter against his weakened frame and continue to look out at the sky, then he pressed his face down onto his pulled up knees and stifled a sneeze, the thought of ruining the serenity of the moment horrifying.
“Jug..” Archie started.
“Archie–don’t, please. I am sick, I’m feeling a little under the weather but..” Jughead admitted, sounding desperate, “..please..just..let me have this.”
The way Jughead’s eyes twinkled as he gazed out onto the horizon, Archie couldn’t say no.
“The world looks so different from up here,” Jughead said softly, breaking the silence after a solid hour.
Archie smiled softly, “Yeah it is, Jug.”
“It’s nice..being up so high. I’m used to being at rock bottom all the time.. It feels so..light,” Jughead slurred.
“..Have the stars always been this beautiful Archie? I don’t remember the last time they shone so bright..”
Jughead sniffled softly, “..Actually I do..when my mom took Jellybean away to Toledo, leaving me behind with my dad..the stars were shining so bright. I was so..angry, Arch. Why would the night be so beautiful on a night like this? How fucking cruel was that? The universe just hates me, Arch.”
Archie’s heart broke, not knowing what to say.
“..So I just walked..and walked..following a constellation and it brought me to your house. A little beacon of light..Of course it was crazy late and I didn’t want to bother you–but it would be fine because in a few weeks I’d see you–”
“–On a road trip that never happened,” Archie finished with guilt. Jughead needed him and he had failed him.
“..and now we’re here Archie, on a road trip that is happening. I’m here being a kid watching the stars with my best friend. I’ve stepped in to the sun, i’m a part of something..I’m..not lonely. I can smile again..I’m far away from all the pain..with my best friend by my side..filled with so much love..I feel so loved..I’m happy, Archie. For the first time in so long.”
Archie felt tears prick his eyes and he couldn’t help but scooch closer and wrap Jughead into his arms and hold him close, filling Jughead with all the love he could possibly muster. After a few minutes of hugging, he realised the heat he felt wasn’t just the care and love he felt, but it was Jughead’s illness he had completely forgotten about. Which would completely explain the out of character sappy talks and affection.
“..Jug, you’re so sick,” Archie said worriedly.
“I don’t feel very well, Arch,” Jughead mumbled into Archie’s shoulder.
Archie got up, looking down at the long walk down before them. Under no circumstance would Archie allow Jughead to make that journey down. The walk took about an hour (mainly because it was uphill and they kept taking photography breaks, which had to have taken 20 minutes) so that had left them another 25 minutes down. No way was Jughead walking that with his sickness.
Jughead stood up, wobbling, “Lets get to the motel..” Suddenly Jughead hissed in pain, scrunching his face up in pain as a sharp pain shot up his leg.
“Jug?!” Archie exclaimed, at his side in an instant.
Jughead managed a chuckle, before biting his lip to suppress the pain, “I guess that swoon hurt a lot more than I thought.”
Archie widened his eyes in shock, “Fuck–Jug, holy shit..uh..What do I..fuck..”
“..Yes, Archie, accept your fate. You now need to perform an amputation on my leg, and fend for our lives as blood thirsty wolves craves blood, and try to prevent me from bleeding out,” Jughead joked, trying to smile through the pain.
Archie genuinely seemed to believe him and looked bewildered.
Jughead gulped, realising he wasn’t helping, “I’m just joking, Archie. We just have to get some ice from a 7/11, and it’ll be fine. Don’t worry–it’s a simple twist, it’ll fix itself overnight.”
“Get on my back,” Archie commanded.
Jughead blinked, “Uh, you are not carrying me down. I can’t let you do that, Arch.”
Archie smirked slowly, “I’ll tickle you.”
Jughead gasped, in genuine horror, “Don’t you dare–FUCK!” He squealed as his sides were brutally attacked and as soon as his defenses were compromised, Archie scooped him up onto a piggyback.
“Archibald Andrews, put me the fuck down,” Jughead protested as Archie began his journey down the headland.
“Forsythe Pendleton Jones III, kindly shut the fuck up,” Archie shot back.
Jughead sighed, knowing he wouldn’t win as Archie descended down the slope.
“When you need a friend to carry you, when you’re broken on the ground, you will be found,” Jughead sang quietly to himself as Archie continued walking, leaving the latter a little shocked. For one, Jughead had a surprisingly nice voice? Of course he was no Sinatra or anything, but it was simple and sweet. Secondly, Jughead Jones was singing, of all songs, a musical song. It was totally not his scene.
“Are you..”
“–singing a musical? Yeah, I guess. Kevin got it stuck in my head. But..it is really uncanny to our situation right now.”
After another comfortable five minutes of silence, Jughead piped up, “Arch? Thanks for all of this..I..really needed this.”
Archie smiled softly, “..of course Jug, anytime you need me to 'lift you on my shoulders’..I’m here.”
Jughead groaned, “That’s not even a good pun.”
They spent the rest of the journey having playful banter until they made it down the headland.
“Wait, Arch..we need a picture.”
A few pictures were taken, and then a single one of Archie, for remembrance sake, Jughead said. Then a selfie, to Jughead’s annoyance, and somehow Archie convinced him to take a picture of the both of them, with Jughead still on his back. Memories to be captured.
They retreated back to the parking lot and into the car, through the motorway, to a 7/11 where ice, medicine, soup, water, OJ and other food was bought. They made their journey to their motel, and Archie once again carried Jughead into their room.
Archie gently let Jughead down onto his bed and pulled his beanie off of him so he could lay a damp towel on his forehead. Archie took pride in the fact he had seen Jughead without the beanie the most; proud of being his best friend. It still made the sight of him without it a little off putting though, seeing such a tough individual soften.
Jughead sneezed twice into his pillow, muttering an apology for the grossness as Archie just shrugged, not really caring.
Archie felt Jughead’s cheek, which wasn’t all that warm. He passed him a pill to consume, as well as a glass of water. He didn’t feel to afraid of the situation; seeing as he had taken care of Jughead more times than his own parents had (which was rather sad) but the absence of Fred was a little off putting. Archie would be fine, though.
Archie then passed Jughead his PJs to get changed into, and turned away to get the soup ready. As Jughead finished, he covered the boy in his blankets.
“Warm enough?” Archie asked softly.
Jughead rolled his eyes fondly, “Yes mom.” He turned away from Archie to sneeze again.
Archie muttered his bless you as he wrapped a bottle filled with ice in a towel, then pressed the bottle against Jughead’s injured ankle.
“That good?” Archie asked and left satisfied to get the soup when Jughead nodded yes. Once he returned with the two bowls of soup, Jughead turned on the TV to whatever was on. They had the choice of some tennis match or Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and went with the latter.
They laughed along to the movie, eating their okay bowls of soup, feeling at harmony with each other. To Archie, it felt just right. He couldn’t feel anymore tension brewing between them. Everything was going back to the friendship they once had; wounds being healed. There was still a bit of a mark, but they had this whole journey together for that to heal. They were going to be just fine.
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